#This includes Doofus

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Oh my god I just realized what episode is probably going to be in the next poll

[invisiblegarabgetruck]

cleaning the sketch :^)

SDJFJ (super Doofus Jerry fan Jerry)

[wowitsverycool]

NOOO THEY'RE STEPPING OVER THEMSELVES TRYING TO FIND REAL THINGS TO COMPLAIN ABOUTTT

[heavenaintaniceplace]

i think the whole ‘culturally christian’ debate stems from a deep need to erase all influences of christianity from everything and particularly everyone past present and future. but thats impossible to do so the end goal, the praxis of what using ‘culturally christian’ amounts to is unclear, impossible to do instantly and extremely difficult long term; even if you wanted to it would take about the same amount of time christianity has existed and influenced other things, almost two thousand years. and because christianity impossible to tear down or uproot in the present but theyre still angry and want to lash out and blame someone for the world’s shortcomings, they go for the easy targets which are ex christians online and traumatized people

[heaven-dope]

on a less stressed note i love soleil i just give them traits i find cute.

+ big eater + little fangs + earnest + gentle giant + a little bashful + big heart + curious

[saltedsolenoid]

i am so normal about this specific group of characters

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

goodnight to bylers who call mike wheeler ‘michael’ when yelling/condescending to him 💀 it’s like a drug

[5sospenguinqueen]

Lullabies | Max Verstappen x Singer! Reader

Summary: Six months ago, Max walked out of your life after a conversation about your future. When you find out he' ended up in a's dating Kelly - who has a child - you work through your emotions in the best way you know how; revenge music.

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Miscommunication. End of a relationship. Max doesn’t look great in this.

Female reader with various faceclaims. Takes place in 2021 but timelines have been completely altered. Olivia Rodrigo songs.

Main Masterlist

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Feb

YourUserName just posted

liked by georgerussell63, bestfriend and others

YourUserName 'and i fantasise about a time you're a little fucking sorry'

12,326 comments

User 1 mother is in the studio, ya’ll. i'm smelling a new album

User 2 did their breakup destroy my soul? yes. do i believe the revenge album will heal my soul? absolutely

User 3 the working titles are so unhinged and I’m here for it

→ User 4 hit you with a car is so real

→ User 5 love that she called him evil whilst also saying that she wants him to drive off a cliff. we respect it

francisca.cgomes i’m SO ready for this. sure you can’t give me a little preview?

→ YourUserName stop trying to get me fired

User 6 sis disappears from social media for 6 months only to come back serving cunt

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2 months before

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May

redbullracing just posted

liked by YourUserName, maxverstappen1 and others

redbullracing ANOTHER VICTORY FOR MAX VERSTAPPEN 🏆 #AustrianGP tagged: maxverstappen1, kellypiquet

7,445 comments

User 7 omg omg omg y/n liked. this is not a drill

User 8 was that last photo really necessary? she’s just a wag, she’s not actually part of red bull

User 9 not y/n liking 🥺 he broke her heart but she’s still supportive of his career

User 10 that should’ve been Y/N

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June

YourUserName just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, victoriaverstappen and others

YourUserName 'you’re just a stranger i know everything about'

10,102 comments

User 11 not max liking despite not even following

victoriaverstappen so talented

liked by maxverstappen1

→ YourUserName thank you, vic x

→ User 12 not the former SILs interacting on main

alex_albon what's that sound? oh, it's just my tears

→ YourUserName doofus

→ lilymhe can confirm

User 12 and now my heart is breaking all over again. i miss the two of them so bad

kellypiquet just posted

liked by landonorris, redbullracing and others

kellypiquet summer break with my favourites 🤍 tagged: maxverstappen1

4,387 comments

User 13 so pretty

User 14 goals

User 15 anyone notice max hasn’t been commenting since y/n became active again on socials

→ User 16 delusional

→ User 17 clearly they're fine if she's posting vacay pics with him

→ User 18 except these are clearly old pics because max had stubble at the gp like two days ago so...

→ User 15 @ user16 plus he always used to comment and this time he's not even liked the post

→ User 19 not to add fuel to the fire but they were also spotted arguing after his podium

YourUserName posted a new story

Hi, guys. This part of the Baby Fever Angst series, which will include smaus for other drivers. Daniel’s part has already been posted.

I have part 2 planned if people want it but also happy to leave it like this if people don't want them to have redemption haha

Tag List (I tried to include all those who asked. Sorry if you only wanted to be tagged in Part 2 to Daniel and not the other drivers, it got a bit confusing haha)

@lav3nder-haze @minkyungseokie @callsignwidow @luvrrish @fall-bambi @evans-dejong @sadsierra2 @justdreamersdream @spookystitchery

[ew-selfish-art]

DpxDc AU: What’s an adoption paper or two between bros?

Danny is starting to realize that since Jazz left the house for university, his parents aren’t really good at well, being his parents. They’re obsessed with his alter ego to the point that they ignore his normal ego, and that uh, hurts his feelings. Like, a lot. Meal times have gotten weirder and more inconsistent, and he’s starting to wonder if they suspect what’s really going on with him.

They’ve started to say “You know you can tell us anything” these days when he sees them outside their lab (which isn’t frequent) but the normal amount of ghost hate speech hasn’t changed. If anything it’s gotten worse. Just like everything else.

Danny joined the whole-ass justice league to fill his spare time after high school and his parents are literally none the wiser. Like, he's a part time high-school senior at 17 and a full time international hero. His parents only comment on the fact that the menace Phantom is costing them a lot in airline tickets as they try and apprehend him all over the world. Hell, they caught Ellie for a second when he was in Morrocco and it got ugly fast. She's a junior member now but mostly spends her time with some doofus that has a magic traveling house.

And really, he's fine with his schedule of going to school, going ghost and making a difference, and then returning to a dramatically silent house. Really.

Then one day his new friend and co-team lead Red Robin makes a brief mention about his own childhood of neglect and Danny makes a joke, "What, no adoption papers for the homies?"

He laughs as he says it but something in his leader's eyes looks sharp, and Kon is sighing in the background something that sounds suspiciously like dear Rao you've done it now.

Next time Danny is on the Watchtower, he's brought into a meeting with Red Robin, Batman and various other JL team leaders.

"Adoption papers are very much for the homies. I've also included the option of emancipation, as you'll see in the green folder, but I am one hundred percent serious about adopting you."

"Red, you're like, 3 months younger than me." Danny deadpans.

"Adoption is for the homies and I'm emancipated. And If i'm reading Batman correctly, you're facing three outcomes right now."

"Three?"

"One: I adopt you and you become my legal dependent. Two: Batman adopts you and I become your legal brother. or Three: You emancipate yourself while allowing us to provide for you while your housing situation is sorted out."

"... Uh. Door one?" Danny is having too many feelings. Why does batman look disappointed? What is Jazz going to say? What on earth???

"Welcome to the Drake Family." Red shakes his hand up and down, the grin on his face feral and the plan towards being emancipated from the Fentons and adopted by his boss is a weird one.

But eventually, a few weeks later, he's had a pretty delicious dinner by his new adoptive grandfather-tler and is watching a movie with Tim and Kon on the couch and he's just so happy and comfortable and warm...

"Will this make Kon my dad if you two get married?" Danny laughs and it's the closest he gets to being disowned.

[occamstfs]

Actually, They're Called Tetrominoes

Been holding out on some kinda Video Game trigger, here's a bit of an odd Russian cultural/racial TF, enjoy! -Occam

Michael could stand to be a more pleasant person. Day to day he is a pretty run of the mill head-down kinda guy, amicable but never really goes out his way to chat or make friends. Instead he finds his free time often used to prowl the internet looking for people to torment online in whatever way he finds funny at the moment. Born too late to be a goon on SomethingAwful he typically pages through Reddit threads and communities looking for someone sensitive or cartoonishly argumentative.

This is precisely where he finds himself tonight, being a pedant on some video game thread that he doesn’t truly care about. Some presumably Russian user, u/ZandrIvnov, seems to be quite proud of Tetris which Michael finds incredibly amusing. As an American he too takes pride in many of the cultural exports and ideas that his nation has sent into the world, including many of the deeply entrenched ideas about the Russian and Soviet people taught in world history. It takes especially little for him to decide to start taunting and baiting this man sitting at his keyboard a world away.

Michael launches petty taunts at the Russian, poking fun at his nationality and Eastern Europe at large, stopping short at making fun of the man’s less than perfect English, for now at least. Michael switches between accounts to upvote his responses and even add additional dunks on the Tetris-fan as needed. Try as he might though to get the conversation away from the ancient game and get some more personal and profane digs in there he finds it difficult to find any truly satisfying or clever insults.

Getting tired of hearing this man assert Russian superiority he prepares to pull the ripcord and move on before he sees the Russian misstep talking about the game he’s so invested in, as probably the only fun fact he has on deck comes to mind. After the Russian so eloquently compares Michael’s head to a Tetris piece Michael immediately replies, “okay lol big fan huh they’re actually called tetrominoes” and then moves on to find some other doofus to bully on the internet.

On the other side of the screen Sasha seethes at the man, so juvenile in his mockery “Проклятые американцы. (Fucking Americans.)” He takes to his own keyboard messaging Michael directly as his arrogant messages dry up in the thread proper, Sasha was going to have him put his money where his mouth was. He offers a challenge, “u americans are so proud da? how about we see whos country rly is the best”

Michael felt his pulse rise in excitement at how much he has truly bothered this man. Smug smile on his face as he types his response, “what did u have in mind, Zander?”

“Саша(Sasha) is my name. since u are so smart about tetris, why not see who is actual master of game da?” Sasha offers, knowing already that the troll is sure to accept out of pride alone. Michael wasn’t all that much of a gamer but surely he could show this dweeb what’s what yeah? He starts looking up tips to win Tetris as he replies “sure whatever dude, what are u thinkin”

Sasha smirks as he has Michael right where he wants him, “loser agrees with winner about national superiority? should not be problem if you americans are so good at every thing” Michael was already eager to give it a go and Sasha’s taunt only makes him all the more raring to go. Before he can even pause his meager attempt to study strategy, Sasha sends over a link to the game and Michael clicks over to play, leaving the cheat sheet open on a second monitor. 

Michael types his name into the game and finds himself looking at a familiar screen. He’s never played the game competitively but it’s a pretty simple game right? He just needs to keep his cool once the pieces start flying in. He gets the cheeky idea to check the cheat sheet in between pieces. That’s that good-old red white and blue ingenuity, Michael thinks. Unaware that these are of course also of the Russian flag. There’s a ping from the board as Sasha uses the in game chat to ask “u understand the rules da”

Michael sends back a thumbs up and Sasha sets the game going. It is predictably uneventful at the beginning, neither man making any particularly interesting plays. Michael continues to skim how to best cheat the game while Sasha waits for the perfect moment to fuck him over. Michael finds himself enjoying the game more than he thought he would as he hears the familiar tune, it is awfully catchy isn’t it? He’s gotta hand it to the soviets for that. His gameplay slows down as he tries to speedread the page on his other monitor. Instead of forcing pieces quickly he instead lets them drift slowly while his board is relatively clear. Sasha sees this and decides to go in for the kill.

Suddenly as Michael’s eyes wander away from the game for just a second too long there is an unfamiliar sound. He darts his attention back only to see the floor of his Tetris board rocket up in response to Sasha doing an impossibly well timed combo of lines. Michael’s heartbeat increases at a shocking rate in response as losing becomes a very real possibility. Why is he so upset? His face grows red as he realizes just how outclassed he is. Obviously this is no big deal right? Just a game. But Michael cannot help but feel physically uncomfortable as the tides start to turn so swiftly. 

There is suddenly a crick in his neck that he stretches to avail but only exacerbates as a soreness begins to spread further across his body. Man is he tensing up too much? It’s just, it’s just a game right? Trying to calm down he is hit with the thought as if it were a shot of adrenaline that he absolutely cannot lose this game. His eyebrows furrow as they begin to square and thicken, casting dark shadows over his rage-filled eyes. His limbs take turns cramping as he clenches his neck and jaw to distract from the pane, not noticing as the structure of his face begins to change. 

His chest grows to join the chorus of muscle spasms as Michael struggles to keep up with even Sasha’s slower gameplay. Across the seas Sasha takes his time, knowing victory is in the bag, and savoring what he knows must be happening to his little troll Michael right now. He smirks as he imagines the discomfort in Michael’s changing body as he feels warmth grow in his own chest, and crotch, as he decides just how much he wants to play with his food. 

Back in the states Michael finds the heat, the sweat, the tightness of his clothes increasingly unbearable. As he continues to mash buttons on his remote he is too intent on the game to notice as hair begins to darken around his forearms and begin to snake its way towards his hands. He rubs them each down to placate the tickle on his growing arms. This is absolutely nothing to the creeping itch that is starting to encompass the entirety of his rapidly expansive legs. He shifts his heavier thighs trying to soothe the discomfort, making a loud sound as they pull away from the sweat sticking them to the chair but not allaying the soreness or itch in the slightest.

He grunts and notices not how his voice has grown both deeper and gruffer in his throat. Michael struggles to keep the remote from slipping out of his hands as sweat trickles down from his hairy arms and into his palms. Before it becomes a problem however Michael takes advantage of the lull in Sasha’s gameplay and tries to quickly remove his far too strained shirt. It should be a simple task after all, just put the remote down for a second, slide it off, and then back to the game. He does a brief check in to ensure he has even that and after believing he does Michael starts to try and remove the shirt strained and sticking to his skin.

He has precious little time as the pieces continue to fall at their set pace in game. He gets one hand under the hem of his shirt and tries to wrench it while keeping his other hand on the controller, this lets in a breeze of cold air sending quivers of pleasure across his pulsating muscle, as well as igniting a burning ache in his chest and torso. His upper body grows even further, finally overfilling his shirt as the sound of tears ring out in his bedroom alongside the same repetitive folk song he knows well. The idea that this shirt was loose fitting when he threw it on this morning or that he just identified the Tetris theme as a folk song rather than an 8-bit annoyance don’t have a chance to come to mind as he struggles to remain focused on not losing the game.

He pulls the shirt up to his chest before it gets uncomfortably stuck “Ach, bog uh- god damnit.” He scratches at his chest as the soreness and growing muscle makes way for a fiery prickling as the few chest hairs he has been a tad ashamed of begin to thicken and darken on his chest. Swirling out from his nipples and inching higher on his chest with each breath, he continues to struggle to remove himself mindlessly. Finding his shirt caught on his expansive pecs he rubs his hand underneath it across his sweaty chest, and finding it pleasurably drag through more hair on his pecs than he would’ve sworn he had in his pubes, he resolves to remove the shirt however he can. 

As soon as he finishes a line Michael tosses the remote down and goes to raise his shirt above his head, his thicker arms struggling as they adjust to their new range of motion. He wrests the tight shirt above his head, his chest bursting large once more, freed from the garment as the breeze tickles the sweat covered chest hair and forces his enlarged nipples to harden. Having overcome his suddenly massive pecs the neckline is now caught on his chin, his arms raised high above his head expose his pits to the cold open air. He feels the air con blow against his recently shaved pits as the hair begins to grow back. It starts to catch as the hair begins to grow thicker and longer than it had ever done before, curling together as new hairs begin to push out and form a bush thick enough to never see the skin beneath again.

This also brings his attention to new development in his body, with his face shoved into his shirt it would be impossible not to notice the unbecoming amount of sweat soaking it. Arms raised though he finally notices that he has an altogether far more powerful scent, on par with a macro-obsessed body builder or hygiene-phobic wild man. Michael feels a beard start to push out into the shirt still hugging his face. Shaving once a month was more than enough to keep him clean shaven but now he knew deep in his mind that he would never have a day again where his face would be smooth. It’s that Ru- That American blood in him, right?

He begins to feel himself lost in the scent as his mind begins to grow distracted, attention fading from the game despite the looping tune filling his mind. He turns his head to smell his pits through his shirt which is when he hears the dreaded sound of Sasha making a combo once more, “Gah! Nyo, I can’t lose” he shouts, not noticing as his rough tone begins to develop a slight accent. Ending the long-standing struggle against his shirt he simply rips it off and jumps for the controller, ashamed at how foolish and lustful he has suddenly found himself in the middle of this all-important competition.

He needs to make his people proud! He cannot let Amerika down, ya? His focus and vision return to the game as he stumbles through one more line before all the pieces fall from view and the game declares Sasha the winner. Mikael reflexively pounds his table shouting, “Ny- no! I, this!” struggling to find any words to make his loss okay. Unable to notice just how bizarre this game has affected him, though sure that something grave has occurred. He scrambles to the chat box where he sees Sasha has yet again beaten him to the punch, “gg Брат(brother) yes?”

Mikael’s eyes don’t even notice the language switch in the message as he quickly races to demand a rematch. Punching keys slower than the career-cyberbully is accustomed to, almost as if he would be more comfortable with a different keyboard format, slowly he punches his response “one more best dva out of tri ya?” Sasha laughs out loud seeing Mikael suddenly typing out anglicized Russian. He smirks and squeezes his crotch in excitement at just how far this American brat has fallen into his hands. Sasha responds in full Russian knowing that Mikael may as well already be his countryman. “конечно, почему бы и нет, брат (sure why not, brother)”

Mikael smiles as he prepares for yet another go against Sasha, he’s eager to learn from his, uh? Suddenly he can’t quite remember how he knows Sasha exactly as his memories of his persistent pathetic history of being a troll begins to fade from his mind. As the Tetris theme starts once more with the game Mikael finds himself singing along as the words to the folk song it is based on, blushing at the vulgarity therein.

The race is on once more and though he was sure this was a competition against his friend, no, his брат(brother), Sasha, He can’t help but feel a giddiness as the game progresses. He feels a warmth in his chest just from playing a game of his childhood, of his country? No he’s a born and bred statesman da? He’s from, uh Moscow is a city in one of the states too da? Though he finds himself distracted his body continues to expertly control the game subconsciously.

He blushes as he struggles to remember where he grew up, it was a smaller town for sure. Somewhere very far North for sure, after all why else would he grow so hairy! He launches into a hearty laugh as body hair continues to push out from every pore in his body, sure to be peaking out from every shirt collar on both sides. He scratches at his pubes as it becomes clear that even besides his massive package there will evermore be a bulge in his pants from this unkept jungle as well. 

His eyes continue to follow the pieces up and down as they slowly begin to lighten and bleach themselves an icy blue. The itchiness that has made itself at home through the whole of its body is replaced with a burning pleasure as he thinks oh his home. Full days where there is only sun, long treks into the city to visit St. Basil’s, helping his mother fry pirozhki. The hair atop his head bleaches itself a sandy blonde while still thickening and pulling itself short as a lightbulb goes off in his head his voice rumbles in his chest as he reflexively speaks in what must be his mother tongue, “Конечно! я спрошу у Саши (Of course! I’ll just ask Sasha).” 

He goes to pause the game as he now knows he can do and types to Sasha in chat, “hey брат, wher am i от again?” Sasha smirks at just how easy this was stopping short from fully masturbating as he thinks of his new massive countryman living a world away as he replies, “недалеко от Москвы, Миша (just outside of Moscow, Misha).”

Misha’s eyes glaze over as he reads this, the room around him changes, American flags familiar patterns shift into the Russian tricolor. Any writing within the room shifts from English to the cyrillic alphabet and Misha sits there with a smile as he recalls his home. Long winters working alongside his best friend Sasha. His neck thickens and his waist expands as he thinks of long nights drinking alongside his friends to abate the cold. The game of Tetris continues on and he again feels a warmth in his chest at the chance to play with his dearest Друг(friend) Sasha.

For the life of him he can’t quite remember why he has moved to Америки though he is sure that Sasha will know. Sasha always knows the right thing to do. One thing is for sure though, he is going to do his Motherland proud.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Angst, unrequited crush, sweet friendship with Robin and Steve. This is angst with a little bit of fluff, my blog is 18+ so mdni.

There's definitely room for a part two so if you'd like that then let me know 🫶❤️

🎀💌✨

Okay, so imagine that you have the biggest crush on Eddie, it's gotten to the point where your heart skips a beat every time he looks at you, you can go from being talkative and a little hyper around your friends, to usually shy and quiet around Eddie.

It's majorly embarrassing, but you comfort yourself with the fact that Eddie probably doesn't even know who you are. You're not in any groups like the cheer group or band, and there's no way that you would even attempt to get into sports.

Yeah, he's caught you staring at him once or twice which was mortifying but you can deal with that, plus his friends are nice and funny and don't make you feel like an idiot for not knowing much about D&D.

As you head to your locker, Eddie and Gareth are deep in conversation with each other. You feel warmness pool in your cheeks as Gareth mentions your name. You've made some posters for Hellfire that Gareth asked you about.

In all honesty you're hoping it might lead to a conversation with Eddie that lasts longer than a few minutes.

Or one that you can approach with confidence, enrapture him with your witty repertoire. Hey, a girl can dream right?

Quickly you fix your hair and fuss around with your clothes as you approach the two of them, trying to figure a way to begin a conversation.

Just say hey you doofus, you chastise yourself. Gareth mentions you again, intrigued you move closer to see what he's saying.

"Eddie, come on man, she has a total crush on you, how could you not notice that?" Eddie frowns, you wait with baited breath for his answer.

"Dude, she's not really my type. I'm kinda hoping Megan will notice me if I'm being honest" Gareth catches your eye, notices you near the locker as yours is only a few doors down from Eddie.

Oh right, of course. Megan. She was into the same bands as Eddie and actually knew how to play d&d. A total badass, cool girl. Of course Eddie would like her.

Gareth's sympathetic gaze meets yours and you want to run away from it and hide. Get far far away from that look. Crushed by Eddie's quick rejection you hurry away from your locker and slam it shut.

You dash the posters away in your bag, brush away the tears that are threatening to build and vow never to get your hopes up about your crush on Eddie ever again.

Eddie looks up, briefly catches a glimpse of you rushing down the corridor. A strange, anxious knot settles in his belly and he doesn't know why, it's like a weird sense of foreboding.

Whatever it is he doesn't like the feeling one bit.

...

Your friends try to cheer you up, unrequited crushes suck so you know it will take a while to get over your feelings for Eddie.

The one thing that does help is your buddimg closeness with Robin and Steve that comes from picking up a few shifts at Family Video.

You love the easy banter between them, feel immediately safe and included when you're around them. You can just be yourself and it's a wonderful feeling.

There's no tying yourself up in knots trying to think of the right thing to say (like you do with Eddie) try to make yourself cooler than you actually are.

It's not like it mattered anyway, Eddie barely noticed you existed, or at least that's what you assumed.

You find hanging out with Steve to be really cool, he's sweet and nothing like the King Steve from back in the day. He picks you and Robin up from school, very quickly the three of you become close friends.

It's nice to have them to focus on and not your crush on Eddie being unreciprocated.

Except you don't realise that Eddie has noticed that you're not around much, you don't really go out of your way to run into him or anything like that.

You still speak to Gareth or Dustin and Jeff but you don't get all shy when Eddie joins in. It's like you don't notice Eddie at all.

He stopped noticing Megan and started noticing you for the first time, your absence leaves an empty space in him that he can't explain.

He sees you with Steve and Robin after school and there's a deep unsettled feeling inside of him, one that whispers to him that maybe you had a crush on Steve. What chick wouldn't?

He doesn't like how that makes him feel, he's moody and can't explain why it's bothering him so badly. He misses your sweet observations, your wit and your kindness to his sheeples.

In all honesty he just misses you. And that's something he never expected to happen.

🫶

If you have any requests then send them in, my request rules are in my pinned post, I'm really into enemies to lovers, older Eddie fics right now, so if you have any fic requests then let me know 🫶💌

[emptyjunior]

I haven't seen the movie yet but I hope they include my favourite thing from the book, which is Coriolanus Snow doesn't take a single action the entire time that a woman doesn't explicitly tell him to take.

What were some of the wins in the Coriolanus Snow political playbook?

-He was the only mentor that met his tribute early and built an actual relationship with them, which gave him a huge advantage over the other mentors who couldn't even get a name or birthdate out of their tribute.

-He was able to get a reporter to interview his tribute multiple times, gaining screen time and notoriety.

-His stardom rose when he attempted to save the Crane girl and was seen on camera looking heroic, calling for a medic.

-He wrote the proposal on the sponsorship system and basically invented the idea of sponsors, ranking and gambling that sustained the games for 75 years.

And guess what? Not a SINGLE one of those was his idea😭

TIGRESS tells him to go down to the train station that day, says that Lucy Gray is probably scared and vulnerable, his grandmother gives him a rose from her garden to take, and Tigress explicitly tells him to get on Lucy's good side because her trust will be a valuable thing.

LUCY GRAY tells snow to stop freaking out and freezing at the zoo! Because he just stands there, camera shy, terrified about messing up his reputation and she tells him to 'Own it' and act like any mistake he ever makes is a chance for a Performance, it is a chance to gain more power. SHE drags him over to the reporter and banters with the people of the capital, teaching him a lesson about being in front of the press that he will use for his entire Presidency.

Snow prides himself on looking rich even though his family is in in ruin and it is TIGRESS who helps them achieve this. The careful image he maintains, is maintained by HER, working her hands to the bone to make his clothes look new, their reputation stay untarnished.

The sponsors? The idea to bring food to tributes so they don't starve before they can even compete?? It's LUCY GRAY'S idea!! She suggests it on screen, she invents the idea of a Victor as an Idol, she sings and does fan meet and greets and asks for people to bring her a sweet thing if they can. And then Snow goes and repeats that in class and it's credited as a profitable Academy idea and not hers.

There's a thousand moments like this! Of Snow letting all his smarts and tactics fail him, and Lucy Gray hissing the answer in his ear to get him to act. And he's praised as a hero after this, as the only person who did something in an emergency!

And after all this, our unreliable narrator heads home at the end of the day like, ah I really did that. Snow lands on top once again, that was for sure my idea.

Featured the girl? You featured the girl snow? In her own plan that she did while you stood there frozen and anxious😭So generous.

Truly he's an absolute doofus, he's a silly little boy with Light Yagami energy, any mettle he gains as a Political Mastermind later on is due to the strategy and empathy of the women he's surrounded himself with

[sardonic-the-writer]

𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐂𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

↳ includes: scout, soldier, medic, and spy

↳ warnings: mentions of surgery and alcohol

↳ song: runaround sue—dion

masterlist | commissions | carrd

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐭

• He’s such a doofus. It takes him at least a month to pick up on it

• The entire time you’re flirting or making moves on him, he’ll jokingly reciprocate it under the impression that you’re just joshing around

• It takes one of the other team members approaching him for the mercenary to realize what was actually going on

• “Son.” Engineer had sighed as he stood in the doorway to Scout’s very messy room, “You do realize they like you?”

• Scout’s very dismissive and red faced about it

• “What? Psh. Stop messing with me, Engie. Don't you have sentries to build or somethin’?”

• The second Engineer leaves, he’s practically tearing up his room in a tirade of emotions

• Overthinks the past few months with you way too much. Practically wears a spot into the floor from all the nervous pacing he does

• In the end, Scout confronts you to ask you out

• Tries to be formal, but we all saw how that turned out with Miss Pauling. Eventually just gives up on trying to be suave— and not succeeding —to blurt out what he’s thinking

• “So, uh, yeah. I’m not so. Er. Good at this sappy stuff, but there’s a Tom Jones museum I think we could go check out. Together.” Scout pauses, accent only getting thicker with worry, “Alone. Y’know?”

• Over the moon when you say yes. All nerves dissipate and are immediately replaced with a cross between a smug and relieved victory

• If you look close enough at his ears, they’re a little pink

𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐫

• If he hasn’t known you for long, Soldier will actually just chalk your actions up to being a communist spy

• A very exasperated Demoman had to get Miss Pauling to bring in heavily classified paperwork on you just to prove to him you weren’t a commie

• “Very well maggot! I’ll believe you— for now! Sleep with one eye open!” Soldier had barked, slamming down your file on the dining room table as a tired Pauling watched. You noted that the papers were upside down, and you doubt he even read them. Or that he could read

• He’s very blunt with everything. Words, actions, emotions, etc. Doesn’t understand why other people can’t just do the same. It would make conversation so much easier to him

• So he’s not oblivious to your attention per se. Just very curious, I suppose

• It takes maybe less than two weeks after the Communist Incident, as Demo had dubbed it, for him to corner you

• “Maggot! Do you find me attractive?” He demanded

• You’d been eating breakfast at the time, and almost choked to death on your laughter at the question

• “Short answer, yes.” You gasped through wheezy laughter, the volume only increasing at the frown on Soldiers face. “Follow up question; is that really how you just asked if I had a crush on you?”

• Nods and booms back that he thinks you’re also easy on the eyes. Proposes the idea of doing a training course with you sometime. Breaks out into a crooked grin when you accept

• “Excellent! I expect you up at oh five hundred for the course tomorrow!” He saluted you, which was Soldier equivalent to a bone crushing hug of respect

• You returned it, and missed the way his eyes crinkled with happiness behind the brim of his helmet

𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜

• Always so consumed in his work that he probably just ends up finding out from Archemedies

• The birds had always been allowed to rest on your shoulder while he performed risqué experiments on you, acting as a distraction from the feeling of someone sifting around in your guts

• I guess the dove had picked up on one too many looks you’d tossed the ex-doctors way

• To this day, no one can understand how the two of them can communicate, but one thing leads to another and suddenly Medic is looming in your doorframe silently

• “What’s up, doc?” You’d greeted him with a Bug’s Bunny quote and a grin. Medics lips only twitched up slightly as he pushed his glasses back up the brim of his nose

• “A little bird told me zhat someone has a crush, ja?” He barreled right into the topic, leaving no room for you to prepare for the sudden accusation. Medics scrutinizing gaze didn’t miss the way your eyes glanced in the direction of his lab, no doubt silently cursing Archemedies

• “No need to fear, freund.” He unclasped his gloved hands from behind his back and approached you. “I simply am here to offer you a deal.”

• Turns out the deal was a chance talk over cheap beer in his office. Pretty rare, considering how much of his time Medic chose to dedicate to work

• “I’ll take it.” You shook his hand, briefly noting how large it seemed even when compared to you

• “Vunderbar, mein schatz.” Medic smiled gently, leaving you to wonder what he had just said

𝐒𝐩𝐲

• There is no hiding when it comes to this French fuck

• Spy immediately picks up on every glance. Every chance of avoided eye contact and unnecessary clearing of a throat

• Suddenly he seems to be a lot more talkative towards you than normal. Hanging out by your side at gatherings rather than a dark corner with cigarette smoke curling around his head

• Fleeting touches slowly begin to sprinkle themselves in between conversation. A hand on the shoulder here, and a brief touch to the pulse point there

• The first time he did the latter, he noticed how fast your heart was beating and couldn’t stop himself from letting out a slight chuckle

• If he was nicer, Spy would definitely take action and approach your first. In fact, sometimes he almost finds himself wanting to

• But the man knows how people work. If you truly wanted to pursue him, you would come around eventually. No point in making rash decisions. He was a patient man, after all

• A small part of his ego preened at the thought of making you work for it

• And come around you did eventually did

• Finds himself opening the door to his smoking room one late night only to be met with the image of a very frazzled looking you

• You rush out something about a date too fast for his ears to catch. Spy is simply too busy letting his eyes roam over your casual cloathing and slight fidgeting. The crooning of an old French record plays from behind him as he blinks down at you

• “Would you like to come in?” He finally sighs out, opening the door a little wider in the form of an invitation

• By the time you manage to get inside, you notice he already had a wine glass set out for you

[in-sistant]

Hey Rick and Morty fandom you should uhhh go buy my stickers on Etsy bc I need gas money to get to work (My commissions are also open) I have these and I have regular Ricks (C-137, Prime, Memory, Doofus, Toxic and Blue Pants) If you saw my artist alley booth at Game On Expo then you already saw these, sorry I'm just SUPER late to uploading them to Etsy And once I'm done with commissions I'll be working on a Birdrick Standee and some father's day pins that will include Rick and Beth..... https://www.etsy.com/listing/1710985822/rick-and-morty-inspired-cursed-character?ref=listings_manager_grid

[goathag]

She's a TV star, he's a bum

Just a little thingie because what if Meryl lost her previous earrings after the Ark launch

[ID: A post-canon Trigun comic that starts with Meryl fixing her earrings in a mirror. The mirror has many things tacked to it, including photos of landscapes and the core four. She walks out as someone calls, “Miss Stryfe, there’s a man who claims to be your friend. His name is John Smith.”

She says, “Tell him to wait, Patricia. I’m almost... ...ready.” Her words trail off when she sees Vash standing leaning at a receptionist’s desk, grinning widely at her. He’s in casual clothing and wearing a very tall and skinny hat with an  absurdly big brim lined with stars.

A panel which is just a line of the word “why” repeating in all caps with no spaces then transitions to Meryl and Vash walking together on the street. She frowns, “Why are you wearing this... thing?” Vash smiles, “It’s a disguse! Looking at this no one will think that Meryl’s friend is Vash the Stampede.”

She replies, “Yeah, instead they will think that my friend is a doofus in an ugly hat.” He exclaims, “It’s not ugly, it’s bizarre. Anyway, did you like the earrings?” The final panel shows someone looking through closed window blinds at them, squinting and saying, “I think Miss Stryfe’s boyfriend is Vash the Stampede in a bizarre hat.” End ID]

The description was made by  @princess-of-purple-prose . Thank you! 💙

[borathae]

↳ Index [Snippet #46 - Affection]

"When Jungkook wants some affection."

Genre: married life!AU, domestic Fluff, a hint of suggestive themes

Warnings: they're in love, snuggles & cuddles in bed, kisses, they also talk about alien dick at one point lmaaoaao, and how Kook would use it on her hahha listen they're both nerds <3, Kookie wants to be praised and kissed!!!, they are the one true couple <3

Wordcount: 2.1k

a/n: they're so important to me :( i love them so fucking much istfg :(

You and Jungkook have a to-do list on your fridge. On there, you write all the things needing to be done this day, which aren’t part of the usual schedule. During the colder months, the list could include things like “make the greenhouse storm proof” while in the warmer months, things like “mow the lawn” finds its way onto the list. You even have the list separated in two sections. One for you and one for Jungkook. Because you hate doing some tasks, while Jungkook loves them and instead he hates other tasks you love. So some tasks will always find their way onto Jungkook’s side while others will be cozy on your side. The list works wonderfully and saved yourselves from many sleepless nights when the sudden realization set in that “oh shoot, you had to do something today but forgot”. It is also a perfect tool to prevent useless bickering about “who does it”, because once it’s on the determined side, it is clear to both who will be responsible for it. 

The day is almost over and you are on your way to the shower when you decide to check the list just one last time. Just in case. Your brain has been awfully scattered throughout the day because of a bad night's sleep, so just to be sure, you want to make sure that the list has actually been worked through. 

You and Jungkook have a pen each to write your lists. Jungkook’s side is written in black ink and his handwriting, while your side is written in blue ink and your handwriting. He had swipe the driveway, clean the bike gear closet on his side today. Both tasks are crossed off. You had water the upstairs plants and wash the upstairs curtains, kiss husband and tell him you are proud of him on your list. Both tasks are crossed off. Your eyes do a double take. 

“Kiss husband and tell him you are proud of him?” you read out loud. You didn’t write that. Your eyes flit down to yet another task you didn’t fulfill, “Pin husband by the wrists and tell him he is yours? I’m sorry? I didn’t write any of this.” 

Wait a minute. This is written in black ink. And it is Jungkook’s handwriting.

“Oh my god, Kook”, you gasp, having to laugh, “you genius doofus.” 

This is such a Jungkook thing to do. It is silly, clever and exactly the kind of flirting that gets your heart racing. You married such a goofy sweetheart.

You abandon the list so you can take the quickest shower in wife history. You have tasks to fulfill, husbands to kiss. You slip into a cute two piece pyjama set once clean and hurry to his room. 

The door is closed and so you knock. 

“Come in”, he answers after the third knock.

You slide into the room, closing the door behind you. In typical Jungkook fashion, he has the big lights off and only his colourful LEDs on. The room is hued into a mixture of red and pink. 

Your husband is sitting by his computer with his knees pulled to his chest. He is dressed in loose boxers and a white oversized shirt. His short hair is silky and on top of his nose, a pair of black framed glasses is perched. He started wearing prescription glasses. Well, in yet another typical Jungkook fashion, he only wears them occasionally because he either forgets or can’t be bothered. Whenever he does wear them however, he looks so handsome in them that it gets hard to function. 

“Hey sweetie”, he greets you, studying you from head to toe, “this is such a cute set. It fits you so well.” 

“Thank you. It’s satin. Touch it”, you hurry to him.

Jungkook touches your upper waist, sliding his hand down to your hip softly. His eyes follow his touch.

“Wow, so soft and silky.”

“Right? It’s so comfy. And? Check this out”, you say and grab the pants at the crotch part to drag it into his vision. You have to do a little bend for it. 

“What are you doing?” Jungkook asks, having to chuckle at your silly antics.

“No middle seam”, you say, fixing your pants again, “which means no pussy and ass crack discomfort.”

“Ah that’s what you tried to show me. It looks so comfy. Yay to no crack discomfort.” 

“I know. I’m so happy”, you say and turn to look at his screen. 

He has a character creation window open. It seems like a sci-fi shooter game. 

“Am I disturbing you?” 

“No, it’s okay. I’m creating a character for the next round. I wanna be an alien this time.”

“I see. That seems cool”, you say and suddenly you feel so guilty for coming here. This is Jungkook’s recharge time, you shouldn’t ruin this for him. Maybe you can fulfill your tasks later. Once he’s in bed with you.

“What brings you here, sweetie? Fashion show or something else?” Jungkook asks, caressing your lower back as he talks.

“Yeah, no. Fashion show”, you turn to him, giving him a little sway of your shoulders, “I wanted to show you my new set.”

“I love it. You are beautiful in it”, he praises and smiles.

“Thankies”, you murmur shyly and wiggle your shoulders, “do you want any snacks? I’m making tea so I can drink some as I read in bed.” 

“No, thank you. I have my beer and my crisps”, he says and gives your buttock a little squeeze, “you’re my favorite snack anyways.”

You nudge his cheek, “sweet talker.”

He chuckles, shifting his eyes to the screen again. Yes, you will definitely do your tasks later in bed. They will hit so much better this way.

“Okay, I’m in bed then”, you say, leaving his room again.

“Yeah okay. Have fun reading.”

“I will, heh. Have fun being an alien.” 

Jungkook laughs, “I will.”

You already finished the chapters when Jungkook comes to bed. You are on your phone, watching a video, when he enters the bedroom. You pause the video and lock your phone, following your husband with your eyes.

He is walking to his bedside table so he can put his glasses there for the night. He massages the bridge of his nose afterwards, taking on a path to the bathroom.

“It was your turn to put Bam to sleep, right?” he asks.

“It was, yeah. He’s been sleeping for two hours.”

“That’s good. Our son”, he says, disappearing in the bathroom afterwards. Moments later, you can hear him pee.

You shake your head in disbelief, chuckling to yourself. He couldn’t even close the door for that. 

The toilet flushes and moments later, you hear him brush his teeth. He even manages to make himself gag once as he scrapes his tongue, following it up with a “made myself gag” to which you answer him with a chuckled “poor man”.   

Afterwards he finally appears, grinning at you.

“Wah baby, I just pissed so hard”, he says.

“I know. I heard. Couldn’t you have closed the door?”

“I could have. I was lazy”, he says and plops down on bed.

“You’re so weird sometimes.”

“You love me for it.”

“Mhm, yeah I guess I do. I hope you sat down.”

“Wah baby, who do you think I am? A heathen? Of course I sat down.”

You chuckle, “good boy.”

He snuggles into his pillow until he is cozied up on his side and with his big eyes gazing at you. “I was an alien”, he says, reaching out to intertwine his fingers with yours. He caresses your knuckles mindlessly.

“You were?”

“Mhm. It was fun. Hey babe, would you still love me if I was an alien?” 

You laugh, lifting your brow at him in question. He flutters his lashes at you, expecting your answer.

“Obviously”, you say, “I’d call you my little alien and we could go on dates in your UFO.”

“Yeah that sounds romantic. Also, alien dick. Hello? Would you prefer tentacles, an egg laying one or a double trouble deluxe one?” 

“I love that we instantly went from cute UFO dates to alien dick” you say with a chuckle on your lips.

“That’s important miss ma’am, I need to know your preferences.”

“Fine okay”, you give in, “tentacles? Fill me in.”

“Okay so. I would have no dick, you know, like Ken. But then I could grow tentacles and these tentacles produce their own lube so I can fuck you with them. And there’s lots of them so I can fill out whatever you want me to.”

“Alright”, you snort in amusement, “egg laying? What’s that about?”

“I don’t know, I saw it somewhere.”

“You mean porn?”

“Yeah.”

You laugh, “so it’s like a normal dick that lays eggs inside me?”

“Yeah basically, but it’s purple and is thicker at the tip and it also produces its own lube so I can be really wet and nasty with it. And, oh my god, I want it to glow as well so I can see it inside you. Yeah.”

“I feel like that’s your favourite.”

“Maybe, I want a glowing dick”, he says and pouts, making you laugh.

“Yeah it sounds fun. But I gotta carry your eggs inside afterwards?”

“I mean…yeah. You do that normally too, they’re just smaller.”

“You’re gross.”

He grins. You give him a roll of your eyes affectionately, nudging his cheek.

“And the last one? Is the double deluxe one your dick but just twice?” you ask him.

“Yeah, basically. Yup, my dick but twice”, he decides, nodding his head way too proudly. 

“Then I’ll take this one. I like your dick. Having it twice sounds like fun.”

Jungkook scrunches his nose in a cute bunny smile. He looks way too giddy for the nature of the conversation. 

“Do you really like it?” he asks.

“More than anything.”

“Is it perfect?” 

“The most perfect ever.”

Jungkook giggles, kicking his feet. 

“Thanks, yeah”, he clears his throat to make his voice appear deeper, “thanks babe.”

You laugh because you know he is being goofy again. Your little goofball. You roll onto your tummy and push him to his back. He lets you, looking at your face with sparkly eyes. 

You take his wrists and pin them above his head. The sparkles in his eyes grow, his breathing speeds up just a little.

“You’re a goofball”, you speak softly, gazing at his pretty face.

Jungkook wiggles, grinning goofily. 

“But you’re my goofball. All mine”, you say, giving him a knowing smile, “and I’m proud of you.”

Jungkook squeaks out a little snicker, smiling so brightly his eyes turn into crescent moons. You make it grow with one smooch to his lips and another one to the left side of his neck. He leans into the kisses, wiggling his toes because he is so, so happy to finally receive your affection.

Afterwards you lift your head, raising your right hand to draw invisible checkmarks in the air.

“Check and check”, you say, placing your hand back on his wrist.

Jungkook wiggles his feet. His pulse is racing under your palms. He is so giddy. 

“I was already scared that you didn’t even see it”, he confesses.

“I did. I was so confused at first because I didn’t remember writing it, but then I saw it was in your handwriting and I knew.”

“Heh”, he snickers, scrunching his nose, “it was clever, wasn’t it?” 

“Mhm so clever”, you praise and kiss his lips, “I married a genius.” 

“You really did”, he says and uses his strength to wiggle out of your hold just so he can wrap you in his arms and hug you against him, “my honeyyy.”

You squeak a giggle, accepting your sweet fate gladly. So now you and he are rolling around the sheets as Jungkook cuddles you aggressively. Limbs tangle, sheets get messy and distances erased. It is truly such a delight. He also regularly smooches whatever part of your face he can reach, mumbling giddy words against your skin.

“Wah baby, you saying that you’re proud of me really made me so happy. It felt so good to hear.” 

“I am, you know? I actually meant it, I’m really proud of you.” 

“Thank you, my love”, he nuzzles his face into your neck, giving you little kisses whenever he can, “I’m proud of you too, my love. Wah baby I wanna melt with you, you’re so cute.” 

You smile, closing your eyes to really enjoy his affection.

“You’re cute too”, you mumble into him, pulling him closer.