#Those things I do during new year's eve at 3am..

[someone-worth-racing-for]

Just married.

[asociallyawkwardteen]

FACE - Woosung/Sammy Kim - Drabble

Kim Woosung/Sammy Kim x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers

Word count: 2,5k

Summary: After a long semester of uni finally comes to an end, y/n and her friends are able to go out again and have fun. A fun night out turns into something very beautiful.

(Also I would like to apologize for any errors, english is not my first langugae so please have mercy on me ^^’)

~Hope you like it!

„Finally!!! We are done with all those stupid exams!!!” your friend Coco shouted once you got back to your apartment from Uni after having your last exam for this semester today.

“Hey, you do know that we have neighbors, right?” you giggled, hitting her in a playful way.

“Yeah, yeah, but aren’t you glad that we finally can relax?? We should celebrate it!”

“Of course I am glad, silly. So how do you want to celebrate surviving another semester?”

“Hmm, I’m not sure yet but I want to do it tonight! Otherwise it’s not as much of an celebration.”

“Sounds a lot like you want to go drinking, huh?”

She smiled at you sheepishly, “Maybe…”

“Okay so a girls night out it is?”

“Eeeeh…” she started hesitatingly, blushing a little

“what do you mean ‘eeeh’?”

“How about…”

“Wait! You want to ask the cute guy from our history class out, don’t you??” you said wiggling your eyebrows at her

“Heyy!” she punched your arm, “what I was going to say was: we could gather a few of our friends… and maaaaybe also hajoon…” she got quieter during the end mumbling the last word.

You grinned. “Well you can invite some people I guess, still don’t have a lot of friends that aren’t also yours here” you smiled a little embarrassed at yourself hearing that coming out of your mouth after being here for already one and a half year.

“Oh just not too many please… I’d like to still keep the circle small tonight.” you added

“Sure thing she said, sitting down on the couch and already looking through her phone for the right people”

Some time passed and you used it well by taking a nap, seemed like the best idea since you’re probably gonna be out the whole night. However, your peaceful slumber was rudely interrupted by Coco barging in your room exclaiming that she finally had the perfect selection of people.

You mumbled a half awake “Shoot” and nuzzled your head back into your pillow.

“Okay so, since we want a rather small group this time, I made sure that I selected them very carefully!” She listed a few of your friend group to which you just nodded to, still half asleep.

“And-I-also-might-have-asked-Hajoon-if-he-was-free-and-he-is-joining-us!!” She quickly spat out hiding her face in her hands squealing like a little kid.

You grinned at her, “glad you finally had the guts to ask him out!”

“That’s not all thought, I thought that since I would be a little occupied with hajoon tonight I though I would invite someone for you too! BUT- Please don’t hit me now okay!”

You slowly opened your eyes looking at her kinda pissed already. “And who would that someone be?”

“Sammy…” she mumbled

“HUH?!?!” now it was really over with your beauty sleep, you shot up in your bed looking at her in disbelief. “Sammy?, you… mean Sammy Kim?? Your freind from highschool, who I had nothing but awkward interaction with since I met him last year?” 

“Awkward Interactions?” she giggled, “ if that’s what you call love at first sight but no clue how to handle it, yeah sure you guys had some AwKwArD InTeRaCtIoNs. And now don’t act like I didn’t realize how you two were looking at each other that night, plus how often you too hung out to sTuDy.”

“No No No, he really helped me out with my photography project back then, and you promised me that we would never speak of that night again!” Just as you finished your sentence Coco’s phone made a ding. She opened it and grinned once again.

“Oh come on you both have the hots for each other but your are both to scared to admit it and I like the effect you have on each other, you both are like creative chargers for one another. I’ve yet to see you procrastinate when he is around and you have heard his music improving yourself, do you think that comes just out of nowhere? Huh? Whatever he just texted that he is coming tonight so this discussion is over!”

You looked at her with wide eyes and your heart skipping a beat. You definitely have a crush on Sammy and yeah maybe that happened the first time you met him BUT you were just never really the relationship type of girl, plus you didn’t plan on staying in Korea after Uni so you didn’t want to get to attached to something/someone plus you liked things the way they were up until said night. New Years Eve Party to be exact. You and Coco had a party at the Apartment and most of your friends were wasted at 1am already and Sammy and You also had quite a bit to drink, one thing led to another and you only remember waking up next to him in your bed, all cuddled up together with and hunch of what could have happened. Luckily you two were up before everyone else thinking nobody noticed but of course Coco knew the second she looked at you once she woke up. Sammy had to leave quickly that day because of some issues with brother, who wanted to visit him on New Year’s. Ever since than you two tried to keep it casual by not addressing it at all and kind of ignoring each other and your feelings for one another a bit. Until now apparently.

You sighed falling back into your cozy bed once Coco left your room.

~Time skip~

You pushed the thoughts of the night ahead to the side -mostly for Coco since she was worried that you were actually mad at her.

To proof her wrong you put on a smile and you two started to get ready together while blasting music and starting to pre drink a bit. It felt so good though to finally have the time to go out with some friends again after all that studying and stress with exams, just getting ready with your roommate was already so much fun.

Soon your uber came and you were on your way to the club where Coco told the others to meet you. You saw Sammy already when from the car, and your heart stopped a beat. He was just leaning against the wall, headphones in and on his phone. You took a second to admire him before the car came to a spot where you guys could get out. Coco saw him as well form where you two were and tried to scare him since he wasn’t aware of his surroundings, but she failed.

You greeted Sammy with a warm hug, thinking that he would probably feel your fast heartbeat but you always hugged him to say hello and you didn’t want to make things more weird. To your surprise you could feel his heartbeat as well, which weirdly calmed you down a bit.

You too still kept a bit of a distance for now just making things seem “casual”, clearly aware of the tension between the two of you. You got a table at your favorite club and soon drinks started to flow. Your group had an awesome time dancing, drinking, catching up and just enjoying your freedom for now

The DJ was great and constantly playing what you wanted, a couple hours went by and your friend group started to get smaller, one after the other leaving with someone they flirted with for about half an hour. Oh and Coco was all tangled up with Hajoon just as you both expected. You didn’t care about all of that too much just enjoying yourself on the dance floor and chatting a bit with Sammy while still continuously ordering drinks.

Of course some dudes tried to hit on you especially while you were dancing, overflowing with confidence but you just told them to get lost, you were really not interested in any of them. You were really just here to have fun but as you caught a glimpse of the way Sammy was watching your every move you smiled a bit to yourself.

You both were a bit buzzed by now, it being around 1:30am and most of your friends, well actually all of them already gone. The club was still buzzing and you were in no way ready to leave yet, neither was Sammy. It may seem a bit boring to just stand at a table watching a girl dance for hours, only taking breaks to pee or take another shot, not for him tho. Watching your body float over that dancefloor, never missing a single beat, smiling with closed eyes. And every time you were sick of a song you made your way over to him smiling with sparkling eyes in which he could get lost in forever. Every time you would come over you two had a shot or two and every time you went back on the dancefloor you tried to convince him to come with you. He came with once or twice, wanting to stay there with you the whole night just being weightless together but he knew that if he kept dancing with you and already being a bit drunk, he would want more and he wasn’t sure if you were okay with that so he stayed at the table.

At around 3am your feet started to hurt from all the dancing in your heels and you were feeling pretty dizzy, still not wanting to stop dirinking. Sammy knew by the way you came back to him that you were ready to leave and get some food somewhere.

“Sammy…! Wanna grab a bite somewhere?!” you shouted in his ear hoping he would understand with all the loud music and people talking.

To be completely honest he didn’t understand anything over the loud music and his own spinning head but he knew what you wanted so he just nodded and you two left. Once you stepped out of the club you both took a deep breath an looked at each other for a second. In this moment the only thing you wanted to do was kiss him, get lost in his touch and never wake up from it again but instead you just smiled at him and repeatedly said that you were hungry.

Sammy was in the same position, he knew that soon he would not be able to contain himself if you keep looking at him with those intense eyes of yours. He laughed at you being a whiny baby and took your hand to lead you to your guys’ favorite 4am drunk-food place. You both knew that he initially just wanted to yank you a bit in the direction you had to go yet you kept walking hands interlocked up until you got to the food place. It just felt so natural that none of you wanted to let go, so you kept it that way for a few moments longer.

You two kept chatting a bit while enjoying your food. For the few other people in the restaurant you two just looked like a regular couple acting all cute together, feeding each other and giggling while still ordering a few drinks. The owner of the restaurant actually thought you two were so cute that she gave you another soju-bottle for free, “For the lovebirds” she said as she put a the bottle down and winked at you.

You looked at each other with big eyes and you started to giggle since you were still pretty drunk. You took the soju with you and left the restaurant after paying. You were not ready to leave one another yet but you remember that Sammy had that great view from his apartment rooftop so you went there, on the way your hands found each other again and you just walked in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

You set up everything and settled down on the roof with your soju and a blanket just starring into nothing. Soon the two of you were cuddled up listening to each other’s breath.

You sighed “I missed this, you know?”

“Missed what?” he tried playing dumb

“This.. you… us..” you mumbled into his chest trying to hide your blushing

“Me too” he said while running his hands through your hair.

You lifted your head to look at him in the dim light just taking in his features bit by bit. He just smiled at you, slowly closing his eyes, like a cat would do. Carefully you sat up a bit and firmly pressed your lips on his. He smiled into the kiss. It was a very sweet delicate kiss, maybe even innocent, savoring every little moment of a innocent yet so powerful love. You two dragged the kiss as long as your lungs would allow it, after that you quickly nuzzled your head into his warm chest again.

“We should head inside it’s really getting cold and I don’t want you to get sick…” he softly whispered

You nodded and you packed your things to move into the apartment. It was so much warmer and just as cozy as you remembered it. You let out a yawn, stretching your body, Sammy saw his chance and wrapped his arms around you from behind burring his head in your neck. “Tired?” he asked softly.

“yeah… a bit…”

“then let’s go to bed then, shall we?” he asked while already heading towards the bedroom. He gave you his favorite shirt and shorts to sleep in, knowing you would have asked for them sooner or later, also he loved the way they looked on you. You excused yourself to the bathroom to change.

Once you locked the door behind you, you started to freak out silently a bit but on the other hand, everything just felt so right, Your bodies and minds just fit perfectly together and you were kind of mad at yourself for wanting to cut this awesome connection after it got a bit more serious. You washed you face, changed into the clothes he gave you and took a deep breath before heading back to the bedroom.

Sammy was already all cuddled up and his room looked even more comfortable with the delicate fairy-lights you gifted him last Christmas. You crawled next to him getting comfortable. He gave you another soft kiss, but you wanted more. You started to intensify it to which he gave in, you were hungry for him the whole night already so you were more than eager letting your hand slowly travel over his body an to the hem of his boxers but suddenly he grabbed your hand. A bit perplex you broke the kiss and looked at him confused.

“did... did I do something wrong?” you asked quietly “Do you not want to?”

“you didn’t do anything wrong y/n…” he gave you a peck “It’s just, the last time we did it too quickly and lost each other for a few months… And I don’t want to lose you… this... us again... is… is it okay if we just fall asleep in each other’s arms for now?”

You started to tear up a bit at his words, this was the first time he actually told you how he really felt -probably a bit because of the alcohol too but you didn’t mind that- and it made you realize how you felt as well, so you nodded stealing one last kiss before cuddling up with him and slowly drifting of to sleep while listening to his heartbeat.

~To be continued~

[julemmaes]

Thoughts on Thomas and Alastair reading red white and Royal blue together in modern AU.

uhm yES PLEASE

This contains spoilers for Red, White and Royal Blue. Enjoy!

Imagine them in bed right after dinner cause they're one of those couples who ditch their friends to read

Thomas coming back home with this book Matthew and Cordelia have been ranting about for the past weeks

And Alastair is weirded out by the fact that he has two copies, "Why would you buy two?"

Thomas just shrugs, "I didn't. Cordelia gave me hers, cause she told me you'd spoil anything the second you read it."

They settle in bed and Alastair waits until Thomas is ten pages in to start his, cause Cordelia wasn't wrong about him spoiling everything

Thomas is a calm reader, only crying when you're supposed to cry and reading a book without having to talk about it for the rest of your life

Alastair is the complete opposite

He frowns and screams at the books and always goes to Thomas to make him read single sentences before starting to rant about what fucked up shit the characters are doing

Thomas usually doesn't understand anything of what he says, but he also stops doing whatever he's doing, focusing all his attention on Alastair until he just storms out of the room to continue reading the book

Alastair is also a ugly crier when it comes to books

And a thrower

He once hit Thomas by mistake and it was because of a character's death. Imagine his guilt just adding to his grief and picture a very distraught Alastair while he's being coddled by his boyfriend

Alastair has laughed and chuckled way too many times in Thomas' opinion, but hasn't commented on anything yet

Until, "Oh my sweet jesus, bOY YOUR GAY IS SHOWING."

Thomas has to laugh at that and turns towards him, "What happened?"

Alastair is shaking his head in disbelief, "Alex is hating Henry with every fiber of his body one page and then he's brushing his posters the next? He's dumb."

"He reminds me of someone." he mutters

Alastair ignores him

"I'm living for Henry calling Alex out on his shit behaviour." Alastair whispers at some point, with a large smile on his face

Something hits Thomas on the leg and when he looks up he notices Alastair with his eyes and mouth wide, "The cAKE!"

"Homoerotic frat bro mishap - gotta love this woman."

"Tom," he calls him, "have you ever hate-read my wikipedia page?"

"You don't have a wik-"

"But, honestly, who does he think he's fooling? This boy is dumb dumb." He laughs, "Mad stupid."

From time to time Thomas just hears "Stan Zahra." or "Stan Ellen." and he just smiles

At some point Alastair just screams-laughs and goes "I'm going to thROW UP ON YOU, I'M DYING." before falling silent again without any trace of amusement seconds later

Thomas is startled when Alastair screech, "BABYY!"

"What?"

"ALEX IS SAYING HENRY'S SKIN IS SOFT."

Thomas is enjoying the book just as much, but he can't wait for the moment when they both realise they like each other, so he just keeps reading

"Alex was fAST starting to see Henry as a human being and not some kind of monster."

"Oh my god, why is Alex being such a dickhead-"

After a few minutes of silence, Alastair gasps, bringing his book higher and buring his face between the pages before screeching again.

"WHAT'S GOING OOON?"

Thomas snorts with wide eyes

"HE'S CHECKING FOR HENRY'S TEXTS!!!"

After a while, Alastair turns to Thomas, brushing his arm, "Are you liking it?"

He nods, "I like the fact that Henry uses capitals at the beginning of his texts while Alex doesn't, it's the little things."

During The Turkey Scene™️ Alastair just loses it and Thomas has to stop reading to calm him down

"Oh god Tom fucking finally-" he turns to Thomas, "Henry looks fucking rested for once."

Thomas nods again, "And Alex noticed."

That makes a wide grin spread over Alastair's face

Thomas understands he's reached the New Year's Eve when all he can hear from Alastair are gasps and curses

"NO. NONONO. NOO!" Alastair hits Thomas on the arm, "Alex just kissed Nora and Henry ran away."

Thomas smirks, "Just keep reading."

"THEY'RE KISSING. GOD YES. THEY'RE KISSING."

"NOOOOO!" Alastairs screams, "WHY DID HE LEAVE WTF?!?!"

"Thomas I'm breaking up with you if you don't tell me now this is gonna be fixed somehow in the next three pages."

Thomas just clicks his tongue, shaking his head

"Wha-" Alastair just huffs a laugh. He turns to Thomas, pointing to the book, "Baby have you read this? Alex is- He thinks he's what now?" He's straight up laughing now, "Straight?!"

"He did what with Liam?"

"This is literally the gayest shit I've ever read in my life."

"Nah ha, I don't believe it."

"How can he think he's straight?"

"Oh god they watched porn together- HE JERKED HIM OFF."

Alastair just hits his head against the headboard, "I didn't think I'd have to go through the who the fuck am I in this book. I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR JUST BY THE FACT THAT HE FUCKING CARESSED HENRY'S POSTERS."

"AND THEN THIS NEVERENDING LIST OF GAY THINGS."

Alastair panicked for a short time when Henry was seen with that blonde but started screeching again after a moment

Thomas bursts into laughter when he heard Alastair mutters God save the Queen

"'I want you on the bed.' OH JESUS CHRIST THOMAS IT'S US."

"Tom?"

Thomas turns when he hears the hesitancy in his boyfriend's voice. Alastair's face is red and he's biting his lower lip

"You okay? What part are you reading?"

"No, uhm," Alastair scratches his head, "can we -" he clears his voice, "Can we make out?"

Thomas blinks a couple of times, "Sure."

A heavy make out session ensues before they both can start reading again

"We need to buy cupcakes tomorrow." Alastair mutters at some point, chewing on his lip

"Thomas this fucking book is the best thing I've ever read. I'm loving it so much."

Alastair closes the book around midnight, but Thomas knows he's not finished. He doesn't look his way thinking he's just gonna go to the bathroom

When Thomas senses him move around on the sheets and lay his head on hip lap, he closes the book too and look down at his boyfriend

"What's going on? We just made out."

Alastair grunts in his legs and looks up at him, "You're my match."

Thomas doesn't understand, but he smiles and leans down to kiss him

He resumes reading and realises Alastair had read more than him when he reaches Alex's and Ellen's conversation about matches. Thomas looks at Alastair once again and pesters him with kisses

It's around 3am when Alastair starts yawning

"Alas, you should go to bed."

He shakes his head, "No, I'm not tired, I wanna finish the book."

"The book will be here tomorrow."

"I don't care."

He drops the fight, knowing perfectly fine that he'll never win this

Alastair can be quite impressive when he finds something he likes - especially when it's books

"Fucking homophobes."

"I'm gonna riot if somebody doesn't let Alex call Henry right the fuck now."

"HENRY ASKED ALEX IF HE IS OKAY? BABY WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOU."

The end of the book is read so fast that Thomas can't keep up with him and is now more than 20 pages back

Alastair is a crying and screaming mess by the end of it and Thomas has never seen him so upset in their time together

He's just spoiled the whole book for him, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care that it's now 5am and they have work in a couple of hours, cause Alastair just looks his way with wide eyes and his mouth open as if he's just realized something shocking

"Oh my god, did Pez, June and Nora had a threesome in that hotel room?"

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[ashyblondwaves]

Hey I’m not sure if headcanons might help your night or maybe make you smile but I have a couple of questions (if you’re feeling up to it obviously!!)

1. What are your headcanons about Wanda and Vision’s first time?

2. What are some things that they experiment with in the bedroom to either learn about each other or explore some fantasies? Is their safe word paprika?

3. Do they sing in bed when they’re doing the do??

4. When was the first time they shared a bed? Was it in the compound? Did he hear her having nightmares and go to her? Did she ask him to stay before he came on his own or did she ask him to stay once he had already woken her up?

5. Does vision wear socks? Are they the ones with toes or nah? Does he wear socks while he and Wanda are having sex? Did he have some hilarious fashion moments before he figured out how to put amazing outfits together?

6. Does Vision attempt dirty talk ever? Does it go well and Wanda is just super pleasantly surprised? Does it go terribly and Wanda laughs and Vision gets sad so she fucks a smile back on his face?

7. Has Wanda ever been so drunk that she hit on Vision? Has she been so drunk that Vision hit on her and she was appalled because she has a partner (a human one and tall!)

8. Has Vision ever bought Wanda lingerie, toys, crotch less underwear??

9. Has Wanda ever bought Vision lingerie (if they’re into that or some sexy boxer briefs? Idk fuck gender norms) or a toy or crotch less underwear?

10. How did they approach the idea of pegging? Did they see it in a porn? Did Wanda bring it up as an idea? Did Vision? Was he embarrassed to ask/ did he stumble over his words and act kind of nervous for a couple of days before he asked her? What was her reaction?

11. Did Wanda’s jaw drop when she saw Vision’s naked body (not out of the cradle but in an intimate setting) for the first time?

12. What was Vision’s reaction to seeing Wanda naked for the first time?

13. Do they do a couples shower on a regular basis (for the environment!!)?

14. Do they ever go to Avengers galas and such and pretend not to be together but still dance and sneak away for some bathroom stall sex? Do they make each other jealous for fun??

15. Have they ever had sex on the ceiling, upside down, floating????

16. Does Vision slide Wanda’s copious rings on and off of her after sex and give her fingers little kissies?

17. How does Vision make Wanda feel better when she is upset during her pregnancies? Like when she can’t fit into her clothes or when she’s feeling self conscious or when she just gets emotional all of a sudden? Or when she’s having superhero anxiety about safety for the boys, the new baby, Vision, herself? How often does he stare or grab her belly bc he’s obsessed?

18. Does Vision go out at 3am when she wants some random food due to cravings?

19. Does the family have photo shoots with atrocious coordinating outfits?

20. Are Wanda and Vision pounding one out as we speak??

This is a lot and even if you don’t answer I hope that they give you happy thoughts!! Depression ain’t got nothing on you queen.

Oooh look at all these goodies! I’m stuck here until 7am so let’s crack on with these!

1. What are your headcanons about Wanda and Vision’s first time? It was very slow, very careful. They took care of each other, made sure the other was ok throughout. It was all very new and exciting for them, so it was even a little scary. Wanda wasn’t sure what it’d be like to have sex with a sythezoid and well, it was Vision’s first time, period. He just hoped those pleasure receptors were in working order.

2. What are some things that they experiment with in the bedroom to either learn about each other or explore some fantasies? Is their safe word paprika? Light bondage, teasing, edging, pegging. They also have a game to see if Vision can make Wanda cum before the commercials are over during whatever TV show they’re watching. He’s never lost. Safe word is paprika, sure lol. Just read that in a fic yesterday, I thought that was a cute idea. 

3. Do they sing in bed when they’re doing the do?? No singing. That kills the mood instantly. 

4. When was the first time they shared a bed? Was it in the compound? Did he hear her having nightmares and go to her? Did she ask him to stay before he came on his own or did she ask him to stay once he had already woken her up? I’d like to think it was at the compound, yes. He knew she was having a rough night and phased through to her room and gently roused her from sleep to make sure she was ok. She asked him to stay. He held her all night. 

5. Does vision wear socks? Are they the ones with toes or nah? Does he wear socks while he and Wanda are having sex? Did he have some hilarious fashion moments before he figured out how to put amazing outfits together? He definitely wears socks, but not during sex. Just regular dress socks most of the time since he’s a snappy dresser. I don’t think he had any fashion faux pas. He researched extensively before putting his first outfit together. 

6. Does Vision attempt dirty talk ever? Does it go well and Wanda is just super pleasantly surprised? Does it go terribly and Wanda laughs and Vision gets sad so she fucks a smile back on his face? He’s both tried and failed and tried and succeeded. Early on, he wasn’t great at it. His analytical ways got the best of him, but as he loosened up and became more comfortable with things, he got better at it. He also read a lot of Google results on talking dirty after his failed attempt. Wanda rolled with it, she’s endeared by him and never laughs in his face. She just smiles and rolls with it. 

7. Has Wanda ever been so drunk that she hit on Vision? Has she been so drunk that Vision hit on her and she was appalled because she has a partner (a human one and tall!) Wanda doesn’t usually let herself get beyond tipsy. She doesn’t like that loss of control that being drunk gives her. But she’s certainly been tipsy enough to whisper some pretty suggestive things to Vision while out in public. 

8. Has Vision ever bought Wanda lingerie, toys, crotch less underwear?? He bought some handcuffs to use on Wanda and got her a g-spot stimulator for her birthday while he was still learning how to find it. He really enjoyed watching her use it and it helped him find it himself. 

9. Has Wanda ever bought Vision lingerie (if they’re into that or some sexy boxer briefs? Idk fuck gender norms) or a toy or crotch less underwear? She got him some underwear that looked like Santa’s suit for him to wear on Christmas Eve one year. It was ridiculous, but he wore them just long enough to get Wanda going. Wanda also has a couple strap ons for pegging purposes that she bought. 

10. How did they approach the idea of pegging? Did they see it in a porn? Did Wanda bring it up as an idea? Did Vision? Was he embarrassed to ask/ did he stumble over his words and act kind of nervous for a couple of days before he asked her? What was her reaction? It was a bit of an awkward conversation. Wanda brought it up one night on a whim to see what Vision would say and to her surprise he agreed and said it was something he’d be willing to try. They spent a lot of time doing research together (Vision insisted) before Wanda bought the strap on and they had a good talk before they tried it for the first time. Safe word, paprika. 

11. Did Wanda’s jaw drop when she saw Vision’s naked body (not out of the cradle but in an intimate setting) for the first time? Nah but remember that look she gave him when he was “born”? Think of that but even more lustful. 

12. What was Vision’s reaction to seeing Wanda naked for the first time? He thought she was absolutely beautiful. He was in awe of her and tbh still is when he sees her naked. 

13. Do they do a couples shower on a regular basis (for the environment!!)? Definitely. Wanda always gets pampered in the shower and she loves it. Standing there while Vision washes her up. 

14. Do they ever go to Avengers galas and such and pretend not to be together but still dance and sneak away for some bathroom stall sex? Do they make each other jealous for fun?? After awhile they realized they weren’t fooling anyone and stopped pretending. After that they stayed attached at the hip, were dancing for every slow song played and left early so they could get home and devour each other. 

15. Have they ever had sex on the ceiling, upside down, floating???? Well sure! They have the ability, so why not?

16. Does Vision slide Wanda’s copious rings on and off of her after sex and give her fingers little kissies? He plays with her hands after sex. Spins the rings, kissing the tips of her fingers, spins another, kisses her palm. It feels nice, so Wanda lets him indulge. 

17. How does Vision make Wanda feel better when she is upset during her pregnancies? Like when she can’t fit into her clothes or when she’s feeling self conscious or when she just gets emotional all of a sudden? Or when she’s having superhero anxiety about safety for the boys, the new baby, Vision, herself? How often does he stare or grab her belly bc he’s obsessed? He’s always there to assure her that she’s beautiful and the reason she can’t fit in her clothes is a good one and it will all be worth it. A protective hand is never far away when Vision is around Wanda’s belly. Vision also gives the best dad talks after the boys are born, helping Wanda to feel better about their safety. 

18. Does Vision go out at 3am when she wants some random food due to cravings? You know it! 

19. Does the family have photo shoots with atrocious coordinating outfits? No atrocious outfits, but the photos shoots, yes. We saw them in WV! My headcanon of course is that they were Vision’s idea. 

20. Are Wanda and Vision pounding one out as we speak?? Of course they are lmao. 

[harringtonstudios]

vegas run. (I)

plot: it’s the annual las vegas run. let’s see what kinda trouble you get into this year!

A/N: this is an ongoing series! the first part is fairly long sorry. i currently have about 4k written so i’m excited for what’s to come. hope yall like <3 shoutout to ellie for letting me ramble abt this

masterlist!​

Being invited to the annual Las Vegas run with the boys was something you had gotten used to. As Baze’s best friend from back home, you’d been to more events than you could even remember after he’d joined Machine Gun Kelly. It’d taken a couple years for them to blow up, but Baze would always ask you to fly out to Cleveland for the little things, release parties, New Years Eve, even Kells’ birthday once you’d gotten familiar with the other guys. 

The Las Vegas tradition had started as an accident. You’d been with the band on their tour for a couple of cities, staying in the small tour bus that they were using this time around. It was kinda cramped with all the band, the constants slew of guests, and the little after-show parties every day. After the Vegas show, you guys had decided to party outside instead. There’d been an all-night rager in different casinos, clubs flashing their lights only to entice your friends in. Then, the bus had broken down, and it had started storming, and before you knew it, the next few shows were rescheduled, and you were stuck in Las Vegas. 

It had been a week of straight craziness, constant drunkness, and chasing after Kells who had suddenly decided to mix alcohol and mushrooms. But it had been a great week, and you’d gotten closer to all the boys, learning more about them with every single incident gone wrong. 

After that, Colson had decided to schedule a week-long break on those dates, marking it down as a tradition every year. He made sure you were always invited, and kept it as close to the people that were there the first time around as he could. 

-

You’d forgotten about the Las Vegas run this year around. Things had been so hectic recently, with you opening up your own business and dealing with customers day in and out. At first, you’d started online with just a couple of orders, but after a mean deal done with one of the biggest designer companies, you’d landed your own well-deserved store with customers aplently. 

The phone call came around 4pm, phone lighting up with the words Machine Gun Kelly. You hesitated for a second, wondering why he would be calling you on a random Thursday, but decided to pick up after looking around to make sure any customer was being attended to. 

“Y/N!” Colson’s voice came through loud across your phone speakers.

“Hey man! What’s up, how have you been?” you questioned, pulling the phone back from your ear just a little.

“I’m good, just finished up the tour for this summer and we’re back in LA right now,” he answered, and you smiled, knowing all of this already since Baze had shown up to your store the day before with his lovely girlfriend, proud of everything you’d accomplished. 

“I heard,” you started before he cut you off suddenly.

“Sorry, I know you’re working and all right now. I don’t wanna take up time, but I was hoping you’re still coming to the Vegas run?” he rambled out, and you rolled your lip into your mouth, suddenly remembering.

“Oh fuck, yeah it’s next week right?” you asked, fingers tapping on the desk as you already tried to come up with a way to get your assistant manager to cover the store for the week. 

“Yeah. Baze was telling me you have the shop and all, but I wanted to ask you anyway. Wouldn’t be a Vegas run without you,” he murmured and you relished in the last few words before clearing your throat.

“I’ll try and work something out. Text me the details?” you spoke back, seeing your sales assistant walking towards you. 

“Yeah of course,” he replied before you exchanged byes and shut off the phone.

-

It took a lot of bargaining, but soon you were clear for the next week. You had to come in on Saturday to finish up tasks and stay late a couple nights this week to sort out products, but other than that, your assistant manager was prepared to take over. 

Taking a quick break for lunch, you stepped out, eager to soak in the sun as much as you could before staying in late tonight. Walking to the corner of the block, you decided to treat yourself with one of the special milkshakes from Luca’s Diner. It was a hotspot for the locals, sugary goodness & crunchy cereal sprinkled into every shake they made. 

That’s when you spotted a familiar Aston Martin, violet purple standing out amongst the wave of other cars. Parked on the curb, the car seemed to be empty and you stepped into the diner, eager to find the owner. 

The diner was flowing with people, chatter lighting up the air as you tried to spend a minute looking for Colson’s figure somewhere. Eventually giving up, you walked toward the counter, already smiling at the idea of having a sugar rush. 

“Hi! Welcome to Luca’s. What can I get for you?” the cashier asked, fingers tapping away at the screen. 

“Hey, can I get a Cinnamon Crunch Delight with extra whipped cream?” you answered, hands going into your pockets to pull out your card. 

“And a basket of fries!” came a voice behind you, and suddenly there was a hand dropping around your shoulders. 

You turned up to look at Colson standing there, grinning down at you as he said, “What Y/N? C’mon I’m paying.” 

You smiled back at him, before gesturing to the cashier, who looked a little star-struck. 

“Fries. Uhm, got it. Anything else?” 

“I think we’re good,” he answered, moving his arm off you to grab his wallet. You sidestepped as he paid, waiting by the milkshake machine. 

You hadn’t seen Colson in almost six months, both of you busy with different things. The last time you’d hung out was during his New Year’s Eve party and honestly, half of that night was its own blur. 

“How’ve you been pretty lady?” he asked, walking over to you. 

You looked up at him, taking in the drastically different look he was sporting. His hair was fluffier than you’d ever seen it, poofing up at the tops. As he tucked his wallet back in, you spotted the designs done on his nails & smiled a little. 

“Busy! It feels like the phone never stops ringing,” you laughed out, fingers sliding on the counter.

For some reason, you felt the inkling of something fluttering in your stomach. You didn’t know what it was, but the concept of having a crush on your best friend’s brother figure didn’t sound good to you. So you willed yourself out of it before speaking again, “How bout you rockstar?” 

“Can’t complain here,” he moved both his hands up, waving them around in jazz hands, “Touring just ended so I’m gonna probably go crash in bed for the next few days.” 

“I caught your Miami show that day!” you exclaimed as his face suddenly became puzzled. 

“You were in Miami and you didn’t tell us?” he asked, voice pitching higher as the question fell out of his mouth. 

“No,” you laughed again, waving him off, “my assistant went and she eagerly sent me a few hundred videos of you guys doing your thing.” 

He smiled at that, hand running through the messy hair before turning towards the counter, grabbing his fries. A second later, your milkshake came out and you picked it up, eyes catching the clock on the wall. You should’ve been back in the office a couple of minutes ago. 

“Hey, do you wanna come around to the store? If you’re free that is,” you offered, as he walked ahead of you to a table. 

“Oh dude yeah! That’d be dope, I wanna see your genius creations,” he gushed, plopping onto a seat. 

You hesitated at the table before deciding it would just be easier to eat here anyway, less of a mess to clean up later. You knew that Sarah, your assistant, would be blowing up your phone soon, but you sat down anyway. 

-

You’d missed him you realized suddenly as he rambled on about a tour story. One you’d probably end up hearing again from Baze anyway. It was weird, missing Colson when you guys weren’t that close anyways. 

You’d been there for the big moments, but always as Baze’s friend first, and you wondered when that’d turned into being Colson’s friend too. 

Flashing back to the last tour, you remembered sneaking out with Kells right before shows, getting high in bathrooms together, even making smoothies at 3am, waking up the rest of the guys as you blended away different mixtures. Maybe that’s when the scale had tipped, and why he seemed so at ease around you, legs stretched out, foot kicking against your ankles. 

“Y/N, dude your phone!!” he emphasized, hand knocking at your arm as you clicked back into action. 

“Oh shit,” you mumbled before picking it off the tabletop. 

There were 2 missed calls and four very angry texts and you stood up, not wanting to lose the week off you had leveraged with Sarah. You were the manager, but she was much more organized and often kept you on track. 

“That’s my assistant. C’mon we can finish your story at the store,” you uttered, grabbing your untouched milkshake as you left the crowded diner. 

“Yo can I leave my car here?” he asked, stumbling behind you. 

You nodded, knowing that his car wouldn’t get towed anytime soon as you sped past the few stores to get into your own. 

He matched your pace, and soon you both were stepping in, his eyes lighting up at your outfits lining up the front. 

“Woah,” he breathed out as you spotted Sarah in the office. 

“Sorry, sorry I got caught up. What’s up?” you ran over to her, making sure to place your milkshake on the table away from your company computer. 

“Finally! The fabric company’s on the line, something about the lace you ordered? I didn’t get what outfit they were talking about,” she uttered, handing over the phone as she moved out of the way. 

“Oh fuck, the off-white one?” you asked as she nodded, and you groaned before picking up the phone. 

“Hi Mr.Hand, So sorry to keep you waiting. What’s the situation looking like,” you started, grabbing your chair before you settled into your desk. 

As the company started describing statistics, your eyes wandered, seeing Colson walk around the little store you had. He was peering at every outfit, the shirts put out, and you stopped yourself from grinning as he ran his hands over the chained pants you’d created this morning. 

Within a second, Sarah was on him, and you stifled a laugh as she fell quiet, staring at him. He smiled, introducing himself with a handshake and you saw her physically shake off the nerves as she went on her sales pitch. 

Within ten minutes, you’d fixed the issue, bringing up the idea of another distributor sneakily in order to sweeten the deal. Dropping the phone back, you pushed off your seat, picking up your shake. 

Sipping at it, you groaned a little at the taste of it all, relieved that it was still good after waiting. Colson was sitting near the counters, swiveling around on the seats as Sarah fiddled behind it. 

“Sorry bout that, things are kinda insane now,” you offered, walking up to where he was. He swirled around once more, before planting his feet, looking up at you.

“Nah, you’re all good. This is really fucking cool,” he praised and you smiled at his words, trying not to revel in them too much. 

“I see you’ve met Sarah,” you motioned and she looked up awkwardly, giving you eyes before smiling at him.

“Yeah, hope Y/N hasn’t been driving you too crazy,” he said, knowing that you guys had just opened. 

“Other than not letting us come in hungover, she’s been good,” Sarah scoffed, regret immediately flowing on her face as she caught your eye. 

You laughed, letting her know that it was okay and she eased up a little as Colson continued, “Hungover? I’ve seen her much worse, believe me, the rule’s kept for a good reason.”

You shoved his shoulder and he moved a little, chair still swiveling around. Getting up, he moved back over to the pants you’d laid out this morning and Sarah took the opportunity to lean over, whispering, “Machine Gun Kelly just comes waltzing into our store?”

You scrunched up your face before whispering back, “Yeah total accident. I didn’t even know he was in the area.”

You both looked over at him as he picked up the pants, viewing them closer before he moved over to the full-length mirror standing in the side of the store.

“I can take things over for tonight, you know? Like if you wanna go hang with him?” Sarah offered, taking in the way your gaze lingered on him for a half a second more. 

“No, it’s okay. I already have you working all day next week. I don’t wanna add more into it,” you murmured, watching Colson pose, hands gripping onto the pants out of the corner of your eye.

“Oh shut up Y/N. You’re still young, go enjoy your 20s bitch,” Sarah uttered back, trying not to laugh at the way your eyes widened. 

“You sure?” you asked, trying not to let the happiness take over your face. 

“Yeah. I mean it, go hang,” she smiled, and you grabbed her face, smacking a kiss on her cheek. 

“I owe you everything,”’ you whispered and she blushed it off, clearing her throat as Colson walked back over. 

“I kinda wanna buy these,” he said, holding the chained pants up, and you raised an eyebrow.

Within minutes, Sarah had completed the purchase and eagerly hinted at you being free until you had thrown a look, begging her to stop. 

“So I’m guessing you’re free for the rest of the day?” he had asked, laughing as you rolled your eyes. 

“I guess I am. You got anything in mind?” you mumbled, packing in your purse. 

“You wanna come over? I know the guys been missing you,” he said, and you licked your lips, deciding to test the waters. 

“Just the guys? I thought I was special Colson,” you mockingly stated, hand clutching at your heart.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve missed you too loser,” he spoke, and you grinned as he led the way out back to his car.

-

Walking into the house, you were  immediately hit with the smell of something baking. You couldn’t quite place it but as Colson closed the door behind him, he mumbled  out, “Dub’s making baked mac,” with such a fondness in his tone that you laughed. 

It took five minutes, and then you were grilling up turkey burgers with Rook, laughing as Slim offered you another shot of Patron. It felt oddly like coming home, and you soaked it in, knowing that your own house was empty and cold. 

Baze was gone when you got there, and you chalked it up to the fact that he wanted to spend time with his girl. Another girl wandered around the house, easily slipping into the chaos and you felt the nerves start to build back up. Colson tracked you watching her and then he swooped in right behind you again as you flipped over a patty.

“That’s Olivia, my assistant,” he murmured into your ear, and you brushed him away, feeling way too close. 

“Who said I was asking hotshot,” you whipped out at him, as he leaned against the countertop, red Solo cup in hand.

“Saw you looking,” he replied, taking a sip, smirk showing in his eyes.

“Oh yeah? What else was I looking at,” you asked, voice tilting up at him. 

“That’s for me to know,” he murmured, and you scoffed as he stuck his tongue out at you, lips still wet from the drink. 

Then, Baze strolled into the house, Ellie right behind him and you dropped the spatula, running over to give them both bear hugs. You could hear Colson’s laugh echoing behind you. 

-

After dinner, you attempted to head out before realizing your car was still at work. It was a  dumb move on your part and you wondered if it was worth an Uber ride or if you should just ask one of the guys to drop you off. 

“Whatcha thinkin?” Rook shouted, scrolling on his phone as the music blasted through the speakers.

“If I should order an Uber!” you shouted back, cupping your hands around your mouth to get the words across. He didn’t seem to hear you, shaking his head and you sighed it off, pulling out your phone to download the app. 

A second later, Kells showed up, pulling your phone out of your hands, going, “I’ll drive you back.”

You throw him a  little glare, but soften up as he hands you back your phone. Following him back into his Aston, you smiled up at him  grateful for the ride. Next week was going to be a mess.

-

taglist: @iamdorka​ @no-shxt-sherl​ @bakerkells​ @findingmyths​ @rosegoldrichie​ @mayaslifeinabox​ @itjustkindahappenedreally​​ @hnbtx​​  @backoftheroomandnotbelonging​​ @nowhereiswhereibelong​​

[nutty1005]

Xiao Zhan: It’s Your Turn

Translator’s Note: This article comes from VogueMe Magazine 2020 Feb Issue.

Currently, the trend in the entertainment business is to get famous overnight, the statistics dictate everything – a drama, a variety show, a song… all of which could give birth to a super idol, fame, commercial value and opportunities that come along with it. In 2019, the drama “The Untamed”, adapted from an internet novel, became this window of opportunity. This is the story of a young man who received the opportunity. And like other idols created by their era, his fanbase grew immensely, radiating throughout the youth, his name etched in time. All of these simply points to this – it’s now Xiao Zhan’s turn.

1

The summer of 2015, Xiao Zhan had not yet realized that he was going to job switch from the design firm opened by his teacher. The teacher did not feel so as well – as Xiao Zhan left for the talent search variety show, he told him, “Go play, come back to work once you’ve been eliminated.”

The show was called “X-FIRE”, and positions itself as a large scaled youth talent development inspirational show. During broadcast, the description says “16 secretly trained youths painstakingly selected from a few thousand 16-24 year olds”. At that time, Xiao Zhan was 23 years old – nearing the upper age limit.

Xiao Zhan just wanted to “play around a bit”. He felt that he would be just touring for a round, and he would be back after a week. As the former class Cultural Committee Member in his university, Xiao Zhan loved singing, won quite a few inter-school cultural activities awards, but never trained in dance-singing. Xiao Zhan, who graduated in graphic design, learnt drawing since young, but never thought of becoming an artist, because “it is hard to survive as an artist, you still need to earn a living”. He was willing to lead a simple life and go to work everyday, with a direct and clear life plan – as a graphic designer, do his work well, then open his own firm.

The summer 4 years later, the name “Xiao Zhan” meant a lot of different things – a member of a pop group, the lead actor of one of the most popular drama, the owner of a Weibo account with more than 22million followers, or as what Chinese entertainment business puts it – a “top traffic”. The topics and imagery surrounding him includes – Xiao Zhan’s looks, Xiao Zhan’s design talent, Xiao Zhan’s professionalism, Xiao Zhan’s role as Wei Wuxian…

And like the other idols who broke out in this era, he has his own set of records – moderators of Bilibili (a video hosting site in China) nagged that his drama fans uploaded so much of his videos that they “almost see him 800 times a day”, Xiao Zhan was jokingly proclaimed as “The Man who caused the Bloodbath of Bilibili”; he became the cover person of a magazine, and the two mobile sales platform app broke down consecutively on the day of the sales; his popularity in 2020 only got higher – on 9 Jan, according to Tian Mao statistics (TN: Taobao eShopping Mall), the Portrait magazine, where he was the cover person, sold out 100,000 copies in 3 seconds, overall sales exceeding 13million Chinese yuan, a poster was spread all around the internet with the accompanying text “a fandom that brought paper media back from its grave” – this is the Xiao Zhan statistics.

But different from the breakout idols, Xiao Zhan did not encounter major controversies (TN: This was published early Feb), and his career did not seem to go through much fluctuations. He never thought that he would be at this point – “Sometimes you’re not ready, but life has already pushed you to ahead. What you can do is to quickly keep up with the pace.” He is now at the stage where any of his actions are “studied under a magnifying glass”, but he feels that his stress levels are not as high as his previous few years, “the past few years, I had the drive but nowhere to use that, now I know how to work hard.”

2

During the initial auditions, Xiao Zhan still continued to work as per normal, go onstage – sing – leave, which was quite fun. After the selection down to 32 persons, he did not think much of it, and left his work to go to Beijing to practice the dance for the variety show. After the selection down to 16 persons, he practiced everything – dancing, vocals and flexibility training.

He did not think much of what would happen later. The winter in Beijing was especially cold, after the show recording, it would be around 3am or 4am, and there would be fans waiting for him outside of the studio – Xiao Zhan felt quite sorry for them, “All are young girls, it’s so cold and so dark.” He felt surreal having fans. When the 16 of them went to Zhejiang TV “Running 2016” New Year Eve performance, he saw the stage and felt that it was especially big and he was especially happy, and kept making sure he remembered the moves so as not to make any mistakes. After the final battle, Xiao Zhan’s team lost, but he and a few of his teammates were rescued by fan votes.

In 2016, Xiao Zhan debuted as part of X-Nine. During the signing of the contract, Xiao Zhan finally realized that he was going to make a career switch. “When you look at it now, 23 year old is also still a child, but no one took me as a child then.” – Xiao Zhan was the oldest in the group, he made his own decision to sign the contract, he thought that if it did not work out, he could go back to work, there was no need for him to paint himself into a corner.

3½ years after his debut, Artist Xiao Zhan still had to explain to interviewers his obsession with going to work. That day, he had a pimple on the left side of his face, and the makeup artist was applying essences on his face. The makeup room was simply a curtained area in the basement of the Art Gallery, full of passing staff, the editor was discussing the shooting schedule with his manager, the stylist was here delivering clothes, and he sat there with his eyes closed, allowing others to apply whatever it is on his face.

Xiao Zhan’s eyes are long, and also wide, he is very fair and his side profile is graceful and beautiful. With his looks, one would imagine that his personality would be cooler, more introvert, with mild melancholy, like those prince-like male leads in romantic dramas. But his personality does not really match his looks – he is serious, disciplined, he does not talk much initially, but overall he is a relaxed person, and quite funny occasionally.

“A lot of art students do not want to go to work,” the interviewer said. Xiao Zhan learnt drawing since young, some of his happiest moments in his childhood would be to win drawing awards or to have his works praised by his teachers, other unimportant happy moments includes had a good lunch, went to an amusement park, or had a liking for a girl in high school.

“They never went through the society school of hard knocks,” Xiao Zhan said. He described himself as someone who went through “quite a fair bit of knocking”. Since young, his father thought him to be independent, taught him budgeting, and told him stories about Bill Gates’s children… “I wanted to say, god, you’re not Bill Gates.” Despite all these, Xiao Zhan stopped using his parents’ money ever since his university graduation.

Xiao Zhan not only learnt drawing, he also learnt violin, go and Chinese calligraphy… pushed him to study in “National Key” middle school, “National Key” high school (TN: National Key refers to the top range of schools in China). He was an obedient child, but as a standard art student, Xiao Zhan was better in humanity subjects, and his math was not good, hence all the while he had always been the mid-bottom of the pack, which worried his family of 3 quite a fair bit.

Studying graphic design in university, Xiao Zhan felt that his university life was quite comfortable – everyday before class he would adjust himself a bit, although in the end it seemed like it did not work well after all, but at least his results were decent. Xiao Zhan emphasized that he was “definitely not the school hottie”. He was a good student. After he had learnt what the teachers taught, he started a studio on the side. The design studio would take on poster and logo design work; the photography studio only have 3 persons, Xiao Zhan did the photo taking, the other 2 did lighting. Before graduation he went to intern in a design firm, hence it was easy for him to find a job. Within a year of working, his monthly salary was around 4,000 to 5,000 Chinese Yuan, which would quite alright for Chongqing at that point in time.

Being part of a boy group releasing albums, shooting web dramas. The way to do things right was quite different from his previous job – his characterization in the group is a warm guy, although Xiao Zhan did not like characterization, he seriously fulfilled his role, and he was obedient. When someone in the variety show suggested that he lose some weight, he replied “I’m quite thin already I still have to lose weight”. As a commoner, Xiao Zhan was 183cm and 150lbs, his mother would always say he was too thin, and he felt so himself as well. That person showed him the film, “the camera lens is a really scary thing, I literally looked like a ball”. It was not easy for Xiao Zhan to lose weight, so he did it brutally. He was so hungry that he dreamed that he was eating. Xiao Zhan is now 127lbs, but this was not his thinnest.

“How was it like after debut?” “Unoccupied.” (TN: Xiao Zhan used the Chinese phrase “picking at his feet” to describe the state of emptiness.) Xiao Zhan’s words were paced and gentle, most were caught unawares by the sudden switch to casual humor, he might not be laughing, after others laughed he would continue his conversation seriously.

After his debut, he felt that he was freer than the times when he was still an intern. But he did not allow himself to stay free, he took vocal and dancing lessons, making sure that he could do sing-dancing to the best of his abilities. But he was still a bit lost – when he was still a designer, his future was clear and straight, but after his debut he had no clue where his future led to.

3

“I could count the number of dramas I’ve acted in with my fingers,” Xiao Zhan said. After which, he started counting them – “Battle through the Heavens”, “The Wolf”, “Oh! My Emperor”, “The Untamed”, “Joy of Life”, “Jade Dynasty”, “The Oath of Love”… the earliest work “Super Star Academy” was not counted – It was shot with his boy group, he was still fat, and he had no clue what he was doing.

Acting was his own idea. When he started auditioning he had not even attended any performance classes, he saw the director, took a piece of paper that indicated the scene and lines, and just went for it. Xiao Zhan did not feel that it was awkward, it was something he wanted to do, so he would do so without any inhibitions, and grasp every opportunity to do so. Singing was something that he always liked, his first single after debut was a song voted by his fans. With the stage and his fans, with attention, he would always want to do it better. Acting was something totally foreign to him.

The first turning point was “The Wolf”. When auditioning, within 2 hours, Xiao Zhan had tried many roles – the bounty hunter who was threatening someone, the prince whose brother was about to be executed… Xiao Zhan won the role of the bounty hunter – the 4th character on the character roll, Ji Chong. During the pre-shoot training he was still acting in “Battle through the Heavens”, daytime he would be shooting, nighttime he would be having performance classes. He did not feel it was tough then, as long as he had time to sleep. “Work is something I am willing to do, I will only feel very motivated, tomorrow must be done better than today.” Xiao Zhan liked Wei Wuxian, felt that he was vivid. When acting, during the first month he would be second guessing himself everyday, is the portrayal accurate? Would the audience accept it? Xiao Zhan checked with the director everyday. After a month, he stopped asking, he felt that he was Wei Wuxian. Dramas adapted from web novels are rarely positively received, his hopes for Wei Wuxian was that “I hope people would not dislike the character because of my acting”.

The summer of 2019, the drama aired, and the real turning point arrived.

Billions of fans, frequent trending topics on Weibo, appearing on multiple magazine covers and even causing the sales platform app to crash…

He is one of the few artists in Weibo that sets his account as “only posts in the past 6 months are viewable”, but it did not affect his popularity. His interaction with his fans are witty, the statistics are more than enough to attract attention. Last year on the Chinese Valentine’s Day (TN: 7th of the 7th Lunar month), he posted a photo informing his fans that he had put on weight, his pants folded up, legs in the swimming pool. One of his fans replied, “Fine, good to know that your leg hairs are doing fine.” This reply was boosted to the top with 190,000 likes.

“After watching ‘The Untamed’ and ‘Joy of Life’ and then meeting you, I feel like you are very similar to your performance method, calm. You are like an AI, whatever you do you’re especially precise.” “You’re highly professional.” The interviewer concluded.

At the start of the conversation, Xiao Zhan just finished an exterior photo shoot, we were both seated, leaning forward and warming hands above the radiator. He said, “Artist is just a job, I don’t like artists to place themselves on a pedestal, just like today you are the reporter who is interviewing me, today I am someone being interviewed. Cooperation, is just so that we can complete our jobs, coming in for the photo shoot is my job today, every single staff is also executing this job, it’s just the role is different.” Because he went through the society “school of hard knocks”, he respected and understood the truth behind teamwork.

As someone who once had to face clients, he knew how it felt as someone at the receiving end of endless unreasonable requests, and therefore he did not want to be someone like that. His standards for work is consistent – high efficiency, good results, everyone is happy, no one has to serve another person. Also “once I am done I will knock off, after I knock off no one should come find me, let me be alone.”

“Everyone works to fulfill their needs, they have entertainment after they knock off, they have freedom and privacy. As a public figure, artist, the product is yourself, the works are also yourself. You have to output materials, contribute works, and then gain the opportunity to grow, for higher social status, value and better lifestyle. For some people, besides their career, they also included their dreams,” the interviewer said.

“The understanding is very thorough. You win some, you lose some, after becoming a public figure it meant that there are multiple pairs of eyes staring at you, anything you do would be judged. Whether it is positive or misguided. Truth and falsehoods, isn’t this circle just like this? Whether the rumors or the gossip is true or false, who knows?” Xiao Zhan said.

4

On 5 Jan 2020, Xiao Zhan was working in a sculpture garden in Shanghai Songjiang, shooting a series of photographs to be the cover of VogueMe. It was cold, the gallery’s doors were open, and the wind blew from the first floor to the basement. Everyone was wearing winter jackets.

In the morning, beside the metal sculpture on the first floor, Xiao Zhan and model Chen Yu faced the camera separately. As the shutters rolled, they did not exchange glances or touch each other. As the photographer requested the model to sit on the ground, Xiao Zhan said his only sentence to her, “Careful your head.” and used his hands to shield her head from the protruding portion of the sculpture.

That day’s Weibo opening advertisement was also Xiao Zhan. As per the photographer’s request, he tilted his head up slightly and gave a cold gaze, or side glancing a faraway place, but also at the same time, he was smiling sweetly on mobile phone screens, promoting a series of instant food products.

In the afternoon, the team went to the exterior, to a concrete sculpture beside the gallery entrance, where he and the model stood in front of, facing the camera. The arm was on the model’s shoulders, and the two of them looked at the camera – he was even thinner than the model. In yet another set, the staff erected a ladder to one of the rooftop grass patches on the gallery buildings. An ice cold rock slab was selected, which the assistant padded using a jacket, and tested the light levels. After which, it was Xiao Zhan’s turn. He was wearing a red jacket with blue shirt, wearing a baseball cap, lying on his side on the rock slab, supporting his head with his arm. In between shoots, the assisted would hand him a long wool top, with deep blue diamond checks, quite thin. The top was flipped over, he slipped his hands into the sleeves to protect the front of his body, his assistant handed over another water bottle that contained warm mineral water to warm his hands. Xiao Zhan basically did not speak, he placed the bottle on his neck to gain some warmth.

An artist’s job, the profession included losing weight, staying hungry, freezing and staying up overnight, wearing winter clothes in summer is the norm, not drinking water prior to any shoots to prevent water bloating on screen… people who do those well may become famous, if they look good or are lucky they may become even more famous. Now Xiao Zhan has an opportunity, and like his previous job, he chose to be down-to-earth and do it well.

In the evening, the green screens were setup in basement 2 of the gallery. 17:44, Xiao Zhan was in position, his manager reminded the stylist to take note of the clothes’ proportion – “The sweater is too long.” Hence, the sweater was folded up. After the camera assistant brought down the Apple machines, the cameraman adjusted his machines, and started shooting the video. Quite a few scenes were done in one take, in the middle there was a break, the manager and the camera crew were discussing camera positions. This was the 10th hour of the shoot, Xiao Zhan sat behind the table, laid his head on a prop gift box and waited quietly – we could not see if he was tired or not.

The shoot ended, and the sky was already dark. Xiao Zhan has not yet knocked off. The media had ended their work, the manager was darting around, arranging for Xiao Zhan to change out and get on his car, to rush to his rehearsal that night – they were already behind schedule. Both teams bid their farewell, Xiao Zhan warm and gentle, still unclear whether he was tired. After less than an hour’s journey, he would need to go onstage to sing, and thereafter, his work would be to complete the costume testing of 20 different sets of clothes.

The Initial Cold

The time set for the shoot was 9am, Xiao Zhan arrived at the rural set at 8.30am. His overnight flight arrived only the day before, meeting Xiao Zhan on the cold morning of a deep southern winter, his spirits looked great, his face having the same kindness as usual. The endless job schedules taught him how to conserve his energy – no casual conversation, not even to his staff; take every opportunity to eat or rest; absolutely no procrastination, ensure efficiency, do his best to accommodate and complete every job. He is a highly disciplined and professional artist.

In this shoot, the warm, gentle smiles have been replaced by cold, sharp glares, the metal and concrete sculptures gave him a few minutes of inner emotions and narrative, his scenes with the model was almost like he was acting in the set of “Last Year at Marienbad”. Xiao Zhan displayed emotions and charm very different from usual self – this is the power of an actor. The darker filters and monochrome imagery restored the caution that the youth of his age would have, it was the concealed feelings of a sunny boy. With such an idol, not only he can warm your hearts, there are still much to expect from him.

[innately-pretentious]

Hello love!! Could I get a male HP ( any era ) stranger things and sherlock ship? I’m 19 years old and a hufflepuff. I’m 5’1” with short reddish dirty blonde hair. I’m curvy and very pale, I have been doing musical theatre for nearly nine years and dance for eleven years. I’m quite a nerd, i keep to myself but once you get to know me I’m really bubbly and weird and sometimes wild. I enjoy making others laugh. I have pretty bad anxiety so I tend to be nervous and paranoid. I put others needs before mine. Thank you so much my dear! Lots of love! Oh! Also I’d I already sent you one of these I’m so sorry I honestly can’t remember

I ship you with Remus Lupin!

The two of you would make such an adorable couple! One of the first things he noticed about you is your kind nature. Remus is not someone who cares majorly about physical appearances, preferring to get to know a person before he likes them. Being from Hufflepuff, kindness and loyalty is almost second nature for you, and he noticed. Looking out for the younger years and fellow peers around Hogwarts and helping classmates during classes was something the definitely gained his attention. It was only when the two of you were paired up in class together when you started really talking. Getting to know each other, he thought it was now or never. He shyly asked if you wanted to join him on his next trip to Hogsmeade, just the two of you. You of course accepted. 

As your relationship progresses, he starts to see your more bubbly side. You are initially shyer when it comes to meeting new people, which he can definitely relate to. The first few dates consisted of the two of you blushing and him fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater. However, as time went on, he started to see the real you. Hanging out more and more you realise you share the same sense of humour, letting your weird side out. He remembers the first time you made him really laugh. The two of you, sitting by the lake, talking complete nonsense as the sun began to set. Both of you giggling with tears in your eyes after something you just said, and when he regained his composure he couldn’t help but look at you in awe. Only the marauders have done that to him, he smiles at the memory. 

Speaking of the rest of the marauders, they love the effect you have on Remus. Whenever he comes back to the Gryffindor common room he is beaming, excitedly spilling to them what the two of you had gotten up to. James and Sirius teasing him as he rambles on. He was at first hesitant to introduce you to the rest of his friends, knowing how you do have a few walls put up before you get to know someone, he didn’t want you to be uncomfortable. He honestly didn’t have anything to worry about though! After inviting you to the Gryffindor table to eat, you all get along like a house on fire. James, Peter and Sirius telling you embarrassing stories about Remus whilst he buries his head in his hands, the three of you laughing. He is surprised at how quickly they welcomed you into the group, making you feel as welcome as possible within the first few hours of you all meeting. You better believe the boys want to sneak into your common room and get up to some kind of mischief, much to Remus’ dismay. He often has to remind them all that you are his girlfriend, they can’t always tag along and that sometimes you need time alone!

Nights in the Gryffindor common room can go both ways. When it is just the two of you the night is more calm. You draped over him with your head on his chest as he absentmindedly combs his hands through your short hair. Both discussing various things that happened during the day, him listening intently and not interrupting, offering input or funny remarks when they are warranted. But when the rest of the boys are there? You bet you’re in for a night of not stop banter. Talking over one another, trying to get a word in edgeways, plus the boys trying to quiz you on your relationship. You don’t mind for the most part, but if it gets too personal, Remus is always there to tell them to back off. 

The song I associate with the two of you would be ‘Young Love’ by Mystery Jets and Laura Marling.

I ship you with Jonathan Byers!

Both of you would be so good together! 

He loves nothing more than driving absentmindedly with you, his hand resting on your thigh, soft music playing through his stereo. You often catch him glancing over at you, loving the way your short hair falls around your face as the wind from the open window blows it. You glance back at him with a small smile, telling him to focus on the road instead of you. He is usually very particular about what music he plays in his car, usually sticking to rock anthems of the 70s and 80s, but he has a soft spot for you. He allows you to put a few soundtracks to your favourite musicals on, smiling when you get excited about a particular favourite of yours. He definitely made a joint mixtape for the two of you to go on long car journey with. The perfect mix of classic rock and musical theatre to accompany you on your journey. 

The two of you are both slightly introverted, you prefer to enjoy each others company rather than going to a huge house party or bar. He loves nothing more than spending quiet nights in, just the two of you. Discussing what movie you are going to watch and curling up on the sofa together is his idea of heaven. Feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest with his arm wrapped around you, feeling safe and secure in the others presence. This is often how Joyce finds you when she comes home from work, turning the TV off as the credits are rolling down the screen, grinning as she knows her son has found someone who compliments him so well. After these events, the Byers quite literally welcomed you to the family. Inviting you to various holidays such as Christmas and New Years Eve, insisting that it is no trouble at all. She loves the way you interact with her son. Even if Jonathan is slightly embarrassed by him mum’s hands on approach, he is grateful that you feel so at ease in him home and around his family. 

If you have a spare day together, you often find yourselves in the local record shop. Loving the way his face lights up as he finds the latest album from his favourite band, excitedly turning it over and reading the track list. His family doesn’t have a bunch of money, therefore he often has to wait a few weeks before he can afford to splurge on a record he really likes. But if you have the spare cash, your kind nature often wins over, quietly buying it without him noticing. When you get back to the house you leave it somewhere in his room with a note for him to discover later. He always says that you should save your money for yourself, he can wait a few weeks until he has the right amount of money to buy it for himself. You always remind him that it is no problem, it’s your money and you wanted to do this. Whenever he puts the record on he is reminded of you, cheeks blushing as he smiles at the thought of you. 

He often finds you dancing in the kitchen in the morning, before he has woken up. You have taken dance for a considerable amount of time, therefore you are a natural. Softly dancing around the kitchen, making breakfast and coffee for the two of you. He leans on the door frame, completely enthralled by your simple moves, coming up behind you and snaking his arms around your waist. Resting his head in the crook of your neck and muttering a good morning. You can feel he is still slightly groggy from recently waking up, you can’t help but chuckle and lean into his sleepy embrace.

The song I associate with the two of you would be ‘Ivy & Gold’ by Bombay Bicycle Club.

I ship you with Sherlock Holmes!

This match would honestly be so good! You meet him whilst working on a case, after a brief meeting you find yourself running into him more and more. He is honestly surprised that you are more observant than most of the other people around him. You find yourself being dragged along on various cases, you find him looking at you expectantly, valuing your input on the confusing aspects. You were nervous at first, I mean, it was Sherlock Holmes you were working with. Your responses would only sound juvenile to him, you thought. But as you begin to work closer with him, he is glad to see you start speaking up more, offering your more down to earth explanations. He doesn’t mention it at the time, but he keeps your inputs in the back of his mind, deciding you are more useful around than not. 

There is definitely a height different between the two of you, Sherlock finds this especially amusing. When he is a rare goofy mood he will tower over you. Smirking to himself as you have to crane your neck to see him, chuckling at his antics. He can’t help but smile at you, its at one of these moments that he begins to fall for you. 

As time progresses you both begin to open up to one another. he will often call you late at night, rambling about his recent findings on a case, obviously restless. You honestly don’t mind and find it rather amusing, grateful that you are someone he thinks of getting in touch with. He only realises that it might be slightly inappropriate when he mentions it in a passing conversation to John. And, after being promptly scolded by him, telling him it is generally impolite to call someone at 3am, he offers you a rarely heard apology. Sometimes you still miss those phone calls. 

He always knows when you are feeling too overwhelmed or paranoid in certain situations, in fact he sometimes recognises the symptoms faster than you. Even if he is in the middle of cracking it, he often calls you a cab to take you home if you are stressed. Opening the door for you and putting you inside, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek, telling you to wait for him until he gets home, promising he will be back before dinner. 

You two rarely argue, but when you do, it’s generally about your safety. At first he never minded you coming on the more mundane cases, but as soon as he started getting more national attention, the cases become more challenging and even dangerous. Your will to put others first is both a blessing and a curse, he admires you for it greatly, but not when it comes to him. He can easily see you putting yourself in harms way in order protect him or even John, the thought itself scares him. He often gets very heated in the moment, demanding you to go home, leave him. It’s only because he is scared for you. When you are alone he will allow you to comfort him, telling him that you’re ok, you will always be safe and here for him. 

The song I associate with the two of you would be ‘1901′ by Phoenix!

[pocket-clown]

Something Better | Arthur Fleck x reader

// AN: I meant to get this out before midnight (EST), but... obviously that didn’t work out, since it’s past 3am, now. I wrote then revised this entire thing in less than twelve hours, so if it’s not the most structured thing I’ve ever written I apologize 

Summary: After days spent coming to terms with your growing feelings for your distant neighbor, you realize that New Years Eve offered the perfect opportunity for you to see the man you’d become infatuated with. 

Sort of a Part II for Smile. I make a few references to it, so you might want to give it a quick read if you haven’t already!

Words: 4,055

      Entirely capable of holding a ceramic plate were you on most days, but your nerves at the moment made it feel as if the one currently in your hands weighed tons heavier than it truly did. You shifted your weight back and forth as you stood awkwardly in front of the door of your apartment, wondering if you should even do what it was you so wanted to.

You knew that Arthur lived alone with his mother, just like you knew neither of them were doing anything tonight. It was New Year’s Eve, and most of Gotham was sort of celebrating it (if you could count the drunken hooting and hollering from the sidewalks, the cars blaring their horns, the local news station’s coverage of some of the large bar-parties going on as celebrating), but not you, nor your sweet, albeit eccentric neighbor and his mother - the same neighbor you’d quite literally ran into about a month prior. 

Having the evening off from work, you’d lounged about your apartment for the majority of it. Not much on television had entertained you, and you’d grown quite fed up with laying in bed with nothing but the quiet hum of the radio in the background to keep you company, and in a fit of restless desperation to find something, anything, to entertain yourself with, you’d settled on the decision to bake - work that you’d actually be able to see and enjoy the result of. It had gone smoothly, as you thankfully already had everything you needed, but once it was completed, you thought to yourself and figured that you didn’t really need the entire two dozen to yourself. It didn’t take long to figure out what to do with the extra; you had no friends, still so new in town, but your thoughts had drifted to Arthur and his mother. 

Surely they’d like the gift, right? Not only was it a gift, but it was also an excuse to see Arthur, the only person that had actually managed to make you feel something beyond the usual feelings of loneliness and detachment from your surroundings that'd been plaguing you for the last who-knew-how-long. The more you thought about him as the weeks went on, the more you’d feel your heart flutter at the mere thought of his name, and the more your face would flush with the heat of excitement when you thought about how you’d eventually run into him again.

You’d denied your feelings since the minute they arose, but you were beginning to come to terms with the fact that you were experiencing your first, genuine crush on someone. You felt rather embarrassed about it; there was an obvious age gap between the two of you (though you were an adult, there was a considerable gap of probably close to 10 years, with you being in your 20s and him in his 30s), and you’d only spoken to the guy less than a handful of times. Sure, the two of you had exchanged glances and smiles in the hallway a few times; the way Arthur would look at you, then away, then look back again suggesting he wanted to say something, but he never did. You chalked it up to nerves, most of the time; those rare occasions that the two of you rode in the elevator together proved that he was as shy and socially anxious as you were (if not even more than you were), but there was a pestering, nagging little voice in the back of your mind, telling you that he just didn’t want to talk to you. 

Which is why you were so nervous about delivering the plate of cookies to him. You figured that if he wanted anything to do with you, he would’ve initiated it - but couldn’t you, then, say the same for yourself? As much as you hated to admit it, you knew that sometimes, you were the one that needed to make the first step, to make the first move, for a lot of things - regardless of what they involved. 

So with a deep breath and some mental pep-talk, you left your apartment and hurried down the hall, almost managing to talk yourself out of it once you realized that it was nearly 9 in the evening - you really didn’t want to come across as an inconsiderate nuisance for showing up so late.

With five quick knocks to the door labeled 8J, you took a deep breath, eyes focused downwards, on the plate in your hands. You almost missed the muffled voice from inside, no doubt Arthur’s mother asking him to get the door, and when the door finally did open, your voice caught in your throat. Arthur was in what you presumed to be his pajamas; a beige, long-sleeved shirt which wasn’t nearly as loose on him as the majority of his other sweaters were and sleep pants, his hair slicked back, damp from a shower. The tired, worn features of his face, his green eyes which were wide with surprise, were nothing less than handsome to you, and it took him greeting you for you to finally snap out of your daze.

“Oh, Y/N - hey.” Arthur said, and you suddenly found it very hard to make eye contact.

“Hi - I’m sorry to be a bother so late, but I wanted to wish you and your mother a happy new year.” You said, holding the plate out to him, your thumb gently rubbing the edge of it as you tried to soothe your nerves. “I had some extras leftover after baking, and thought you might like them.” 

Arthur’s eyes looked from your face to the plate, then back to your face again as he seemed to be taking a second to let it sink in that you were giving them to him, a puzzlement you couldn’t really blame him for since small acts of kindness were essentially nonexistent in Gotham. 

“Oh! - Really, for me? And my mom? That’s so kind of you, thank you.” He spoke softly, slowly taking the plate from you, and the way his hand brushed against yours made your breath hitch. “I’m sure my mother will enjoy them - they look great.” 

“I hope you like them, too! I made them with you in mind, really - ” You bit your tongue at your confession, not meaning to actually admit that to Arthur. “I mean - I hoped you’d like them - since I don’t know what kind you like, and… yeah.” You rubbed at the back of your neck, realizing you’ve done nothing but make the situation leagues more awkward than it needed to be, and you figured it was time to bid him goodnight before you did nothing but embarrass yourself further. “Right, so, I’ll get going now - I think I’ve kept you long enough.”

You managed to pry your focus away from the frame of the door and actually look at Arthur, finally, only to see that he was looking right at you. Your eyes met, and you couldn’t help but feel yourself get lost in how gentle his were as he looked at you.

“Oh, I don’t mind… but you’re probably busy tonight, aren’t you.” Arthur said, and dare you say he almost sounded disappointed as he spoke, though you told yourself that was just you reading too much into things and being overly hopeful again - something you’d learned only ever led to shattering disappointment. 

You couldn’t help but let out a quick laugh at this, not even able to remember the last time you had spent a holiday with someone. “Oh, not at all. It’s just me tonight, actually, but please - tell your mother I said hello! And happy new year, Arthur. Have a goodnight.” 

And just like that, with a smile and a quick wave, you were heading back down the hallway towards your own apartment, the sound of your slippered footsteps hushing the sound of your heart that was pounding rapidly in your ears. You felt a bit embarrassed, if you were being honest; you felt like you’d made a fool of yourself, with how you’d admitted the fact that you really only thought of him when you made the treats, never mind the fact that you’d done so so late in the evening, but something told you that Arthur was much more taken aback by the fact that you’d gone out of your way to do something kind for him and his mother than he was by your awkwardness. 

At least, you hoped that was the case. 

“Y/N?”

Immediately did you turn around, looking right back at Arthur after he’d called out for you. Something about the way he said your name - your name!, as simple as it was - made your heart skip a beat, and you held your breath as you waited for him to finish speaking.

"Would…. Would you like to come in? For a little while?” His voice was hesitant, as if he were unsure if he should even be asking such a thing, lest you reject him.

Your heart flooded - every bit of it screaming yes, please, yes -

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude on you and your mother -”

“Please, you won’t be - and I want to... I want to talk to you, if that’s okay with you.”

You were powerless to stop the smile that spread across your face from doing so, and without wasting a second more you once again, though a bit slower this time, made your way to the door of Arthur’s apartment, finding yourself giggling a bit at how he ushered you right inside with a welcoming “come on in”.

“Happy? Who is that?” The woman who was sat in a chair in the living room called out, and you could only assume that that was Arthur’s mother.

“Ma - this is Y/N. She’s the new neighbor, and she brought us something.”

“Ohhh..” She mused playfully. “So you’re the nice girl that my Happy was going on about before.”

What  - really?

Arthur groaned at this, not bothering to hide his embarrassment as he padded into their small kitchen, where he set the plate of cookies on the counter top. “Mom, hush about it…” 

The way your heart swelled with warmth at seeing Arthur interact with his mother was one of the most foreign feelings you’d ever experienced. During one of your past, brief talks in the hallway had he admitted to you that he lived with her, and he was so hushed about it, as if he were embarrassed to admit that he was a grown man living with his mother. He was quick to explain that she was old and ill so he’d moved in to take care of her - something he did very well, he stressed - and you tried to quell his worry that you judged his living arrangements by telling him how sweet that was, something he seemed almost relieved to hear.

“This is my mother, Penny. Penny Fleck,” He said, the warmth in his voice unwavering, as he led you into their living room. You could tell how much he loved his mother, and it was incredibly admirable to you how you could only presume that day in and day out he scarified a lot to make sure she was taken care of. “She insisted on staying up for the new year, so - so I thought that maybe you’d like to come in and maybe stay for it, too.” 

Arthur rubbed at the back of his neck shyly, keeping his gaze on the television as the newscaster was going on about Gotham’s typical celebrations for the new year. A large clock near Gotham Square that read the time, and the second it struck midnight, a barrage of fireworks would go off, and those gathered around would throw their hats, coats, gloves, whatever, up into the air in glee. It was a long standing tradition, apparently, but there were still a good few hours before that - and you couldn’t help but feel a bit excited that you would get to spend them with Arthur.

“How old are you, Y/N?” Penny asked out of the blue, and you couldn’t help but stutter out a laugh at how bold of a question it was, once you’d taken a seat on their couch. Arthur was sat next to you, and you couldn’t help but be incredibly aware of how close he was sitting to you. 

“Mom, c’mon, don’t start with that -” 

“Oh, please, Happy. I’m just curious.” She said, looking from him to you, expectantly. 

“I’m 23.” You said after a second of silence, unsure if you should even admit how young you were, out of the worry that it would completely sully any sort of feelings Arthur had for you, regardless of whether they were platonic or more - assuming he even had any to begin with.

“Oh you’re so young - and you’re really talking to my son, of all people?” 

“Mom!” 

“Ha, Ms. Fleck - it’s not like that, really; we’re just... friends.” You spoke carefully, trying to not assume Arthur’s friendship or anything. “He’s the only one that’s been friendly since I’ve gotten here.”

“That’s how it is here; all day on the news, more and more bad stuff.” Penny spoke with a sigh, her head lolling to the side a bit as she kept her eyes fixed on the television, and you and Arthur exchanged a brief look. “Anyway, Happy said you brought something?” 

And with that, things flowed easily. Though it was awkward, much more so than you’d anticipated, you could feel your infatuation with Arthur growing as the night went on. You learned more about him, as the conversations went on; you’d known he was an aspiring comedian from a previous talk, but now he even offered to read you some of his jokes - however Penny was quick to quiet him down, insisting that you’d probably prefer funny jokes, a jab which hurt you, but Arthur... took like it was nothing. They seemed surprised to learn that you were completely on your own, living in such a big, new city, and how absolutely genuine Arthur sounded when he said that you needed to be careful because the people around were always so rude made you bite your lip.

You could’ve sworn that every now and then Arthur would take a peek at you, his eyes looking over your face as you watched the television, but you told yourself that you were just anxious, and that your anxiety was getting you all worked up and making you imagine things. Penny’s questions never stopped, though; she asked you anything and everything ranging from what you did for a living, if you were in school, your family, even your past relationships - the last of the two being things you skit around vaguely, not going too much into detail about.

As the night went on, you and Arthur had slowly scoot closer together, though not close enough to actually be touching each other. You could feel the warmth radiating off of him, and every circuit in your brain that had been hardwired to make you hesitant when it came to physical touch felt as if they were short circuiting, and the urge to do something, even if it was just to rest your head on his shoulder, grew harder and harder to ignore.

You and Arthur made simple conversation whenever Penny’s attention was focused on the TV; anything the two of you could find to bond over was, and through so many words could you piece together things about him that he hadn’t directly told you. His loneliness, his lack of any interpersonal relationships, Gotham’s habit of treating him much harsher than a man as kind as he was could ever deserve; the more the two of you spoke, the more you could see bits and pieces of the self he kept hidden - his worries, the depression that seemed to have made its home in his psyche who knew how long ago, the peculiar way he viewed the world and those around him, and the like. You’d known from previous, short conversations with other tenants that Arthur was that neighbor; Arthur was the one that everyone would avoid, the one pegged as weird, and unstable - the one that made everyone uncomfortable. To you, though, Arthur was none of that; while no, you still didn’t know him that well and you could easily tell that he wasn’t exactly conventional (you had a feeling there was some sort of concealed darkness, almost, that was lurking inside of him), you could tell that he was, genuinely, a kind soul who wanted nothing more than to just spread joy and laughter - the mission he told you was his purpose in life, something you couldn’t help but smile fondly at.

Eventually, Arthur deemed Penny too tired to be able to remain awake long enough to ring in the new year wit the two of you - she’d dozed off mid-sentence twice - and after some minor protest from her she gave in, and Arthur helped her to bed. In the whopping thirty seconds he was gone with her for, you took in as much of their apartment as you could; the wall-paper that was peeling in some spots, and chipping in others (and was that a bullet hole…?), the small desk that was nestled in the corner which you assumed was where Arthur spent the majority of his free time, that yellow hoodie of his that had become such a comforting sight to see hanging up near the door, the stacks of VHS tapes of the Murray Franklin show piled on top of and underneath their television stand - every little detail that your eyes could pick up on that might tell you just a little bit more about the man you had fallen so hard for.

“Sorry about that…” Arthur muttered once he came back into the living room, returning to his spot next to on the couch, though further from you than he had been previously. “She can get... like that, sometimes.” He said, obviously still a bit embarrassed by how his mother had asked so many personal questions, completely unabashed. He seemed both relieved that his mother wasn’t there to pester you anymore and even more tense, now that it was just the two of you alone. You couldn’t help but notice how his hands were clenching the thigh fabric of his pants as he sat, his eyes fixed on the television, his right leg bouncing slightly.

“Oh, it’s fine. It was kinda funny, actually.” You dismissed his concern with a wave of your hand, leaning back in your seat, something Arthur shook his head at, sighing softly something about you being too understanding.

“I do it more, now, you know.” You said after a few minutes of neither of you speaking.

Arthur looked at you, his dark brows furrowed as he tried to work out what you meant.

“Smile. I smile more, now - ever since you told me I should. Or I try to, at least.” 

“I - really?” Arthur asked, and he sounded so surprised that it was almost childlike. 

“Mhm,” You nodded, entirely too shy to look away from the TV, which was bright with the colors from Gotham Square. “It’s helped - Oh, hey, look! It’s almost time!” 

Which it was; the bright red numbers of the clock were ticking down with less than five minutes left until it was the new year. Gotham was the liveliest you had ever seen it, and it almost made you a bit sad, if you were being honest with yourself - occasionally, did you wish that you were bolder of a person; someone who could go out, interact, and get together with others. You liked being alone, you really did, but you disliked feeling so lonely - though that was the aspect of solitude that you’d grown most used to, unfortunately.

Sitting in Arthur’s living room though, in his presence - it was the first time in years that you didn’t feel as alone. You and Arthur were still new with each other; this was the longest you’d spend with him, and you still didn’t know very much about him, nor did he about you. It was still a bit awkward, with neither of you really sure how to talk with the other, but something about the situation, something about Arthur, made you feel less alone in the cold, unforgiving city that was Gotham. Even if you two just remained acquaintances, only giving each other passing Hellos and Goodbyes in the hallway, you’d be okay with that - because it meant that you’d still get to see him, and that was enough. 

“Y/N?” 

Arthur’s voice pulled you from your thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Why would someone as nice as you move to a city as awful as this one?” 

Arthur’s elbows were resting on his thighs, his hands clasped together as his eyes were fixed on the coffee table in front of the television. He looked deep in thought - as if something had been bothering him, and though his question was presented as one born from sheer curiosity, the genuine confusion that it was laced with didn’t go unnoticed by you.

You shrugged. “I guess I was just… looking for something. I don’t know what, though. Maybe change, or I hoped that moving here would make me feel better, make me feel like I was a part of things, if you get what I mean.” 

Arthur actually chuckled a small bit at this. “Yeah, I do.” He said quietly, before sighing and running a hand through his now dry hair - a simple action that you couldn’t help but find adorable. 

You were relieved that the booming of the fireworks from the television (which you could also hear from outside, though muffled) coupled with the cheering of the crowd was loud enough to occupy the silence that would’ve fallen between the two of you, as you feared that if it had grown quiet enough then Arthur would’ve been able to actually hear how hard your heart was pounding.

As the festivities died down and people began to retreat from the streets and return to their homes, you figured that it was time for you to to the same and head back to your own apartment. Arthur walked you to the door, thanking you once again for the baked treats you’d brought over, something you said you’d happily do again if he and his mother liked them.

Once you were in the empty hallway with Arthur lingering in the doorway, you couldn’t ignore the subtle feeling of melancholy that had washed over you, now that the reality of the situation was settling in and soon you’d be without the contentment that was Arthur’s presence.

“Thanks for having me over for a bit - it meant a lot, seriously.”

“Of course - I didn’t think want you to be alone.” 

Oh, how you wished you could stay in that moment forever; the way Arthur smiled that gentle, fond smile that you’d grown to love at you as he spoke, though he kept his eyes from looking you in your own, made your heart melt into a puddle of what you could only describe as the feeling of pure bliss. 

But alas, with it being past midnight and your fatigue from the day creeping up on you, you knew that you couldn't stay any longer and that the two of you needed to part for the night. You had no idea when you’d get the chance to see Arthur again, and your heart sank as you knew there was a good chance that it wouldn’t be for quite awhile, given the difference in your schedule - but that’s just how life went. No sense in lingering on it.

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” You asked in a manner that as awfully reminiscent of your first meeting, and Arthur nodded.

“Of course you will - I’m right here.” He said, not bothering to hide the mischievous grin that adorned his face, knowing fully what you were playing at. “And Y/N - happy new year.” 

“Yeah, you too, Arthur.” You smiled at him as you turned around to head back to your own apartment. “Something tells me that this one is going to be a little bit better.”

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taglist;

@tahliamalfoydepp​ @tsukiakarinobara​ @smol-nari​ @ajokeformur-ray​ (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

[mcrmadness]

14, 15, 33 (like generally in people, not dating-wise), 40, 47 :D

Ask game: Unusual asks.

Thanks! 8D

14: What is your least favorite word?

In which language? :D Also this is probably the hardest question in this ask game because I literally don't know XD But I try to think about something.

OH NOW I KNOW! I hope people don't get mad at me but RIGHT NOW my least favorite word is "gender envy". I just have this thing when I'm exposed to something against my will - could be a word, a celebrity's face (or name) or even just a tv series - and too often in very short time, and suddenly I just get an overload of that and I feel so fed up with it and can no longer tolerate it AT ALL and everything about said thing just gets on my nerves and makes me so angry that if it's e.g. a tv series someone's watching, I simply have to leave the room because I can't stand anything about it at all anymore, not even the musics nor actors' voices.

So lately this happened to me with this word. It just came out of nowhere and I see so many using it now and I can't escape because it's not only on Tumblr, it's also on Discord and on every freaking website I go to, and I feel like I'm going crazy but I just can't NOT SEE that word because there's no way to avoid it. Even if I filtered the tag on Tumblr, I'd still have to see the word because Tumblr would tell me "this post was filtered for the tag #gender envy". And it kinda sucks.

(I'm agender/nonbinary so I don't feel gender envy because there's no one born without a physical gender and I usually don't look at snails or so and be like "I wish I had its gender" - besides they are hermaphrodite and not genderless so...)

***

15: What is your favorite word?

This is also something I haven't really thought about. Okay my brain just said I should say: Gotham. Because it's one of my favorite tv series, after Gotham City which is Batman's home city, and if you put that word in half you get: Got-Ham.

That's why my siblings (they're 26 btw) started talking about the show with the Finnish word for ham: kinkku. So my sister would ask my brother "Should we watch 'Kinkku'?" when she wanted to continue watching Gotham :DDDDDDDD

***

This got bit long so the next ones under the cut...

33: What turns you off?

The lack of sense of humour. I seriously don't think I'd ever be able to get along with someone who either has no sense of humour at all or has it completely different from mine.

Also people who don't respect others, people who refuse to listen to others. Nothing makes me angrier and more frustrated than when I'm trying to say something and people say "I don't care." and won't let me even finish because they don't want to hear what I have to say only because they THINK they're gonna disagree. And even if they do disagree, it'd still be nice of them to let people finish before proclaiming that they disagree. Not doing that makes a person just an asshole.

And another thing is the music taste, having it different won't make a friendship impossible, but it always drops my mood a bit to learn I again listen to different bands and genres altogether than someone new I learnt to know, because it seems to be something that just always keeps happening...

***

40: First concert you attended

It was in 2007 and My Chemical Romance's concert in Finland. It was also their first gig in Finland ever. The concert took place in Helsinki, I was 16 and met a few internet friends I had but mainly spent time with my parents who I went to the concert with. The gig itself was insane, I had never been to an actual concert before because I was so afraid of big crowds because of my social anxiety and I always thought I don't care about going to concerts. But something in me needed to experience an MCR concert and I'm glad that I did that, because I really like going to concerts now. Every time I feel like dying tho, but somehow I still end up buying concert tickets anyway XD

The concert itsel was insane and I didn't even feel the anxiety there at all! After the concert we were hanging out near the venue and my parents already wanted to leave but I just had this feeling that we should not leave yet, and then they said we have to go now so I started walking after them and crying, and that's when I heard girls screaming behind the venue and as we went there, Frank was actually there writing signatures, and we quickly ran there and I don't remember anything else but this small group and we just handed him the ticket, he wrote his name and we left :D

Here's a photo, I still find it hard to believe that I got Frank's signature but this ticket is a proof of that so I guess I just have to trust it XD

After all that we then visited this "Rock McDonald's" in Helsinki, it's just some regular McDonald's with rock themed furniture and music and that night they were playing only MCR, and from there we went back to the hotel.

***

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

I think I answered this question in another ask a couple of weeks ago but I don't remember what I said :D Probably talked about Christmas but now I started wondering it this means like... those HOLIDAYS like Christmas, or just any kind of free days from school and work. Because I've been having one long weekend for the past 2 years, and before that holidays didn't really exist for me because horses need to be fed and taken care of no matter what the calendar says :D

Anyway I think I'm gonna say: Midsummer. In Finland it's a big thing. Well, for most it just means drinking and partying outside, but not for me because I hate people and don't drink alcohol lmao. No but, I actually was born on Midsummer Eve, the Eve is never the exact same date every year (it's always a Friday, tho) so when I have my birthday, it's not necessarily that year's Midsummer Eve. Apparently also not this year, so usually I'm having my birthday during Midsummer but I haven't celebrated it since I turned 18, so it's not really a big deal for me. I'd rather forget about it because I have had an age crisis since I was 23... anyhow, this year I'm gonna turn 30 so I know it's gonna be a bit bigger thing for my family and relatives but I'd rather not be reminded of that because for the past 10 years I have just been worrying about how 30 is closer every year because when I hit that age, then 40 will be closer than ever, too ::D

A "fun" fact about Midsummer and what it means in Finland: Every year everyone wishes for bad and good weather simultaneously because people want to spend the day in good weather but good weather means people like to go swimming. And alcohol + swimming is NEVER a good combination and the warmer the day, the more people will drown. Every Midsummer Day or the first work day after Midsummer weekend, you will find reports from all newspapers about how many people drowned this time. The nicer the weather, the bigger the number(s)... It's terrible, and people are adviced to look after their friends and family and never leave anyone alone near the water when alcohol is involved. Even I have sometimes kept an eye on someone because they were drunk and went close to the lake (not necessarily during Midsummer, but whenever I've been spending time with my mom and her siblings and friends at a summer cottage).

I don't want to end this so dramatically so I also want to say that I like Midsummer because in Finland, the sun never really sets during summer. And during Midsummer the nights are usually the brightest and soon after that it starts getting darker and darker again. It always makes me sad because the summer is so short here, but I really love these summer nights when there's like 3 hours between the sunset and sunrise but the sky doesn't even have time to turn dark during that time. Finnish summer is something special and magical.

It's probably impossible to imagine and incredibly difficult to show in photos too, but here's my attempt:

This one was taken in (the beginning of) June 2017, at 2:00 in the morning during this photo. I think it's very close to the actual lighting of that night. It's so easy to get too dark or bright photos with a proper camera and I can never remember afterwards which of the brightnesses was the correct one. (Btw we [aka me because I'm the only one of my family with a driver's license] were driving back home from Helsinki, we were to Helsinki because of a Rammstein concert :D)

I also have some photos taken at 9pm what looks more like it was in the middle of the day, and also a photo I took at 3am and it looks like it's a daytime too. It's slightly darker between 11pm and 2am and then it gets bright again. But I'm too lazy to add them to this because they just look like daytime photos and you only have my word about the actual time, so it still doesn't feel the same as actually being outside at 3am while it's bright as day :D

[portraitdelajeunefilleenfeu]

no one asked me any of those questions on that ask thing, so, since it’s quarantine and i have nothing better to do, i’m just gonna do ‘em all.

a soft, stay at home ask

1. your favorite playlist (made by yourself or someone else) - this playlist i made of all of my favorite synthmusic

2. how many houseplants in your room, and what kinds are they? - none

3. your favourite “grounding” activity (anything that involves using the hands/doesn’t involve “spacing out” or escapism - something like gardening, knitting, dancing, cooking) - making gifs

4. an account on social media whose posts make you smile - @ladyonfire28, @pensoakspaper, @tenemos-que-hablar, @bereaving, and whatever portrait nation people i happen to run across on twitter, that have made a good fancam or crack tweet, but i don’t know any of them really

5. 5 tv shows that cheer you up - the x-files, killing eve, parks and rec, seinfeld, the golden girls

6. how you get relaxed when you’re struggling to sleep - listen to a soothing peaceful song, put on the golden girls, sit up and read for a bit

7. your favourite board game - monopoly

8. if you were going to write a non-fiction book on any topic, what would it be? - idk probably a biography of one of the women i’m obsessed with

9. a quote that you would consider getting tattooed or putting in a frame - “ne regrette pas, souvenez-vous,” and many, many quotes by hayley williams

10. something you’ve created in the last year that you’re proud of (a playlist, a piece of art, some writing, a craft hobby, a social media account, etc) - several gif sets, and i’m pretty proud of the huge shifts i’ve made w this blog this past year

11. a tip or hack you’ve learned that makes cleaning or tidying easier - the key is listening to good, motivating music while doing it

12. if you could make a candle that smelt like anything, what would you pick? - THE SMELL OF PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN RIDE AT DISNEYLAND (if you know, you know)

13. the last so-bad-it’s-good joke you heard - i can’t think of one lol

14. an artist (of any kind) whose work you look forward to seeing - anything céline sciamma writes or directs, any film my 3 faves are in, and any new paramore music

15. the last tv episode that made you laugh out loud - dix pour cent 1x02, line et françoise

16. how you wake your body up when it’s feeling tired, achy or needs a stretch - crunches, starbucks blonde roast, some loud music

17. a bath, shower, beauty or toiletry product that makes you feel revived, or that you always re-order when it’s running out - i really like close-up toothpaste, but it’s hard to find, and old spice champion body wash

18. a book series you can always escape in - his dark materials by philip pullman

19. the sport or exercise you enjoy the most, and what’s helped you get better at it - i think it’s still ice skating, and i’m not good at it because i don’t get a chance to do it very often

20. a skill you’ve picked up in the past few years - this is going to sound silly, but i feel like i’ve become a lot better at focusing on the positive and using the law of attraction

21. a youtube video you find useful, entertaining or relaxing - just one? no, there are many, and here are a few: pastry chef attempts to make gourmet cadbury creme eggs, adèle haenel fast & curious (2019),  ‘over yet’ workout video - hayley williams, angèle ‘balance ton quoi’ [clip offciel], colors of portrait with céline sciamma, pastry chef attempts to make gourmet butterfinger, adèle haenel cannes 2014 télérama IV (w eng subs), paramore - rose colored boy (official video)

22. if you were going to dye your hair any colour of the rainbow, what would you choose? - well, i’ve dyed it a lot of different colors, but the first color that came to my mind right now is purple

23. the book you just finished and what you thought (no spoilers!) - what.. no lol i haven’t finished a book in a while, but i’ve started like 5 books

24. describe the most wacky, weird and wonderful at-home outfit you’ve put together - who wrote these questions lol. i hate to be boring, but i don’t really have anything too wacky

25. a game you’re playing that takes your mind off things - duolingo french and toon blast

26. the film you watched most recently that you could watch again and again - ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ahhh ha.. lol

27. your favourite flavour and brand of tea - beartrap by david’s tea, but they stopped making it, and PG tips regular

28. a good-will story you’ve heard on the news that’s made you feel hopeful - oh, lots of them about people helping each other out during quarantine, and there’s a lady in my building who put up a sign in the elevator offering to help elderly people and people infected who can’t go out

29. a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make - not my favorite, since i don’t cook much here, but here’s a good one: 3 ingredient, no sugar added, applesauce

30. a song that makes you want to have a boogie round your bedroom: 3am - halsey

now you do it.

[courageiseverything]

I fell in love when I was 18 (I’m 24 now) to the most perfect guy in the world. It was perfect. He was tall, dark and handsome and in a band (bonus points!) We dated for a while and then we made it official after a couple of months. It was perfect. A total dream. The first few months I was in that so-called Honeymoon period. Happy and carefree and feeling like an entirely new girl. I was so in love.

But I was blind to all the red flags. So many red flags.

After being in a relationship for 1 year I moved out of my parent’s house and we moved in together. At least point we were both 19. This is when things started to turn sour.

Suddenly, I started to annoy him. Anything I said was wrong and he was always correcting me. I was always walking on eggshells, terrified to say something wrong in case he got annoyed at me.

Then one day, when everything seemed perfect like it was in that honeymoon period, we had a house party at our home. It was a typical young adult house party which consisted of a lot of alcohol and hints of illegal substances. It was such a fun party at the beginning. There was a mixture of my friends and his friends. But as the night went on he got angry at me for drinking (I didn’t touch the drugs). He said that he hated it when I was drunk because I turned into my mum (My mother is an alcoholic and we have a very strained/distant relationship) and he said that I turned into a “Slut” when I got drunk. That night only comes back in flashes, but I always remember standing on the landing. It was me and him and we were arguing and then he grabbed me by the throat and was threatening me. I don’t remember what he said but the next thing I knew I was on the floor and he had disappeared. My best friend had just come out of the spare room opposite where we were on the landing and apparently, she had seen it all. She was so scared and was about to phone the police. To avoid a scene, and to not make him even more angry I begged her not to. Being my best friend, she didn’t. That night would be the first of many.

He got worse. Mainly with the emotional abuse (the gaslighting, lies, belittling, name calling etc) but if I pushed him too far, he would lash out. I tried to leave him so many times, but it was hard. We did have good times and I was blinded by those good times. I loved him with all my heart. I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling but it would always end up in an argument and somehow, I would be the one apologising. It was an endless circle.

Another year passed. Now we were both 20 and he had not changed. One night it did get too much for me. It was New Year’s Eve. We had planned to spend it together. I got dressed up and I was so excited. He had been nice to me for a few days and I thought that he was realising that he loved me too. For once I believed that everything had changed. But he was late home from work (he worked at a cinema at the time). The hours went by and I hadn’t got a phone call, a message or anything from him to tell me he was going to be late home. Soon enough Midnight had been and gone and it was the New Year. In that moment I felt worthless. I believed that everything he said I was was true. I was worthless, boring, useless, annoying, dumb, clingy, a slut, a bitch and that no one wanted me around. I thought that even if the man that I loved didn’t want me around anymore then I shouldn’t be. So I found some very strong painkillers (he had been prescribed them from the hospital for a bad shoulder) and I don’t remember how many I swallowed but I DID wake up the next morning. He had found me in bed surrounded by the empty painkiller packets and he just glared at me. I just remember his intense glare. He called me an idiot. I just got up, had a shower and went to work.

Nothing changed after that. He was still the same. But a year later (aged 21) I summed up the courage and somehow, I left him.

The months went by and I was happy. I was dating someone else and I had new housemates and I felt better. But I was still terrified that he would come back into my life. He lived and worked in the same town (which is a very small town between Worcester and Stratford-Upon-Avon). I would see his mates when I went out and I was terrified that they believed all the lies that he probably told them about me. I was praying that he hadn’t shown them the photos that he had of me. He had previously threatened that he would show them to his mates if I annoyed him.

Still the months went by and I didn’t carry on dating the new guy as I went travelling for a few months.

When I got back from travelling, I was stupid. He got back into my life. He apologised and I believed him. Aged 22 I made the biggest mistake of my life. We got back together. Months went by and he hadn’t changed at all. He still hurt me emotionally and physically. But once again there were still the days that were perfect.

I didn’t think that it could get much worse from that New Years Eve…but it did. He had been out drinking with his mates and well he wanted to have sex. I didn’t. You can sort of see where this is going. I gave in to keep him happy. I gave my unwilling consent. He didn’t use protection. But I couldn’t stop him. The worst happened and a few weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I told him and he flipped out. Apparently, it was all my fault. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was terrified. He was 100% certain that he didn’t want it and it had to go. So, the night that I told him he threatened to push me down the stairs, he punched him in my stomach, he made me drink this weird drink that he googled would force a miscarriage. Obviously, it didn’t work. I managed to get to the doctors the next day (which he refused to come with me to) and then I got transferred to another place to have the abortion.

But I had to wait a couple of weeks and during that time I was stressing like crazy. I told no one. Not even my best friend (we had fallen out about a year earlier because of him). He was still saying that getting pregnant was all my fault and I felt like I honestly wanted to try and kill myself again because it would have been easier than having to go through it all.

The day came for the abortion and he was late picking me up. He had slept through all of his alarms and then told me that he had actually forgotten about the abortion. That day the pregnancy was terminated, and it has emotionally screwed me up.

I was 23 when my friend sends me a video. She had found his Tinder profile. He had loads of photos, his bio was perfectly written, and he had even connected his Spotify and Instagram. I showed him the video. He laughed. He said that he was trying to find me on there because he was convinced that I was cheating on him. Then he asked me if I wanted him to delete his profile. Something just clicked within me and I laughed and said, “No. You might need it.” With that I left him. After years and years of both emotional and physical abuse I was free.

Or so I thought.

I was dating again, and I lived by myself. I was coming to terms with that I had gone through and I was healing. I found this wonderful man and we decided to start a relationship. This was in October 2019. We made it “Facebook official” (I hate that haha!) but my ex found out via a mutual friend.

That night around 10pm I was woken up by my doorbell being constantly rung and a constant pounded at my door. Worried it was something urgent I ran downstairs (I left my phone upstairs which looking back was a huge mistake). It was him.

He was yelling at me. Calling me a whore. He pushed me and I fell backwards, and he got into my house. It was over in only about 5 minutes. I managed to force him back outside and I locked the door. He was still slamming his fists on my door when I ran upstairs and rang the police.

By the time the police turned up I had contacted my new boyfriend who drove straight over. My ex had disappeared, and I was a mess. Crying my eyes out and shaking uncontrollably.

I was at the police station until 3am making my statement. Going over everything that had happened from when I was 18 until that night.

The police arrested him straight after I made my statement.

They held him for 24 hours and questioned him. He is still released under investigation now (14/01/2020).

He lives less than a minutes’ drive away from my house.

I am terrified. I cannot answer my door unless someone phones me before to let me know that they are outside. I am slowly healing however and my current boyfriend (of 6 months now) is honestly the best person I know. I am getting better. I am healing. I can finally tell people my story. I am worried that he will do it again. To another girl who thinks she is in love with him. I just hope that his time being arrested will make him aware of what he has done.

People need to know about domestic violence. So many people (both men and women) go through it and no one is properly aware of it. I wanted to tell my story.

[getawayky13]

Happy New Me.

This post is real. It’s my life and everything that 2019 was. It’s not over yet but it’s already been a crazy year and I wanted to share. There are names of people from my life in here. I love everyone all my friends, I’m so lucky.

Usually when I write these posts I write them on New Years Eve. It’s a reflection of the year and what I’ve learned and where I’m at in life. Well this year, I started writing my reflection mid-July. Maybe by the time you read all of this you’ll understand, that when something happens the only way to remember it correctly is to write about it as you’re going through it, and that’s what I’m doing this year.

Remembering things correctly....

I remember that the start of the year was good. I went to Florida in February and got to get away from the cold Midwest winter for a week. Even planned a trip to Mexico in March or April for September, it looked to be a great year!

May 31st is a day to remember. I had gotten a phone call that had resulted in pure heartbreak. Roughly 3.5 years of my life had been, lessons learned but nothing short of wasted. Many missed opportunities had flown by because I put myself on hold for him. It was the worst feelings and the overall agony of having to deal with the aftermath. It was also the most freeing day of my life, I no longer had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t for people who probably never really cared that much anyways. It also amazes me the amount of information you find out when it’s all said and done. Being lied to for so long really hurts, the whole thing really hurt. As Taylor Swift once said “I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale, Im gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well” You know I won’t go into anymore detail, because it’s not worth it anymore, but it never really was, huh? But enough of that.

June was another rough month, we lost our dog Marley to a tumor. Marley was the best dog anybody could’ve asked for. She cuddled, gave hugs, made us laugh, and she was the selfie queen. She was my best friend! Losing her was another blow to the heart. Although we lost Mar, we gained Mag. Mag has some of the same characteristics as Marley and she fills the void. ❤️

June, July, and August were months of finding myself again, and reconnecting with old friends. I had connected with people I haven’t talked to since sophomore/junior year of high school.

I finally did some fun summer things, went on a wave runner, stayed out till 3am multiple times, went to six flags, maybe even had a little too much to drink once or twice.

In June I got 3 tattoos. I got the Chicago skyline on my forearm because Chicago is my favorite city, I love the lake, the parks, the excitement! I got a lotus flower with the quote “life is tough my darling, but so are you” as the stem on my collarbone because well life is tough and sometimes you gotta show it whose boss. And I got the sun and the moon on my back because well to be honest I thought it looked cool. In July I made the decision to move away from Lowell. I wanted to move to Indianapolis, so that’s what I did. Summer ‘19 was one for the books the summer I truly figured myself out!

August was great too specifically because Lover came out and Taylor Swift ALWAYS knows how to help. Who knew that “Death by a Thousand Cuts” would describe my broken relationship perfectly. Who knew that even though I wasn’t in love anymore “Lover” would still give me hope that someday I’ll find a man, and I want to have a love as strong as the one described in “Lover” who knew that “cruel summer” would be so relatable, I mean “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you” and “I scream, for whatever it’s worth, I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” I absolutely love, lover, and Taylor’s music ALWAYS helps, during happy and sad times.

Thanks to Frankie and Jordyn for being there as soon as my heart broke, you’re both really great friends and I appreciate everything you did for me! Now that I’m all better we all have to go to Chicago again just for old times sake, plus I’m well rested now, unlike last time.

Then Nick for being such a great reconnection!. No matter how long we don’t talk for, we always come back, now that we’re older it’s better I think. We’ve had some really great times, I didn’t want the summer to end! I’m glad that we still live pretty close to each other so we can still hang out sometimes!

Remember those reconnections I mentioned? Kyleigh, Sarah, Cameron, and Jordan I even made a new friends Meghann and Omar! Thanks for being great friends all summer!! Y’all helped me more than you’ll ever know and I appreciate all of you!

Now it’s September, summer is ending, but the fun continued. I got another tattoo three hearts for my sisters and I. I saw the JONAS BROTHERS for the first time in 6 years which was seriously so amazing!!! I forgot how much fun it is screaming SOS and burning up with them! I officially moved to Indianapolis in September, and instead of going to Mexico like I mentioned earlier, I left for California for 10 days. I got to meet my west coast family for the first time, and that was sooooo much fun! We had a great time getting to know each other and piecing things together family wise! We also had fun exploring San Francisco! I already can’t wait to go back there. Jenna thanks for having us! And Kyleigh thanks for going with and hanging out! I also got a tattoo while I was in California too. It’s an airplane with the quote “I’ve got the world to go” y’all I LOVE traveling. The jet lag killed me for a long time after we got back 😭

October is here and I feel okay. I’m full blown living in Indy now. I have an interview for a second job, I also applied for an internship in California so we’ll see what happens. I might be in Canada for new year’s so that extremely exciting! I passed both my A term classes with “A’s” so my GPA got a boost and my confidence did cause I had so much going on during a term yet I still pulled off good grades!

November is next and I will keep you updated.

[advrik]

What the Nintendo Switch Means to Me

As I sit here in my kitchen in order to keep a close eye on the ground beef and sausage as it browns in preparation for dinner (it's spaghetti night), I have been working it out in my head how and why my gaming habits have changed over the years and how I ended up championing the Nintendo Switch and nothing else.

And then it hit me.

But before that, I would like to delve just a little bit into my gaming past that, at least in my head, makes sense why I am the way I am today.

It started in 1994. My grandmother got me the OG Gameboy+Zelda: Links Awakening bundle for Christmas. Pretty awesome, right? Finally game console that I could call my own. But it didn't end there, for Christmas Eve night my older brother passed on his three year old SNES to me as he was moving out in the new year and wanted it to remain safe. I was ecstatic. Here I was, seven years old and suddenly in possession of a Gameboy AND a SNES. A handheld and console, two separate entities that played two different types of games.

Now leading up to Christmas that year, I was regularly using my brothers (former) SNES and has asked Santa for the Super Gameboy for Christmas, so I could play some of my brothers old Gameboy games that has been lying around the house. I got one and still own it to this very day, but it was reviecing the Gameboy as well that likely lit the flames for what would become my modern day gaming preferences.

Being able to play Links Awakening both on the TV in my bedroom and in the big comfy recliner in the living room was amazing, and while it didn't tickle me as anything more than just playing a video game at the time, in hindsight it was where it all began.

Time went on and the Gameboy Color happened, and while I did enioy the majority of Pokémon Red on my SNES and on the go with the red Gameboy Pocket, I lost out on playing gen 2 of Pokémon and many, many Gameboy Color exclusive titles, including two Harvest Moons, on account of just not being able to get a GBC.

Fast forward to the Summer of 2003. I am in possession of a Gameboy Advance after having received one from my parents for Christmas in 2001, which was just like having a SNES in my hands. It was incredible, but I longed to be able to play the likes of Mega Man Battle Network and the Breath of Fire 2 port on my TV.

Enter the Gameboy Player for the Gamecube.

This thing was a godsend. It played everything! Gameboy, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, you name it. It existing had, albeit satiateing it for the time, form the need for a hybrid console. One that didn't require two components, but was a single piece of hardware that easily hooked up to the television without additional peripherals and consoles.

The Gameboy Player served its purpose perfectly and had seen much use, particularly in those times when I was wanting to watch something on TV or had gone on trips, but didn't want to miss any time spent on my farm in Harvest Moon Friends of Mineral Town.

I have for much of my life been a console gamer. I preferred the console experience over the smaller handheld experiences on account of how scaled back they tended to be in scope and gameplay. But as I aged, and I can pinpoint exactly when this transition started, my preferences in how I played began to change. Namely with the advent of the 3DS which gave console-like experiences in compact form and my getting a job in early 2014. I was finding myself increasingly agitated with the PS3 and Wii U games that I played, leaving many unfinished because I was feeling like I was wasting my time doing just this one thing and nothing else. My time had become limited due to work, and I was falling behind on movies and seasons of TV shows. 

The pick up and play nature of handhelds jived with what I was becoming. I could be watching a movie and put the 3DS down halfway through, then pick it up again towards the end. Not for any particular reason, but just because I could. I didn’t get this ability with home consoles, and it annoyed me more and more as time went on.

Things really hit a low point after I got my PS4 in 2015. I was buying games left and right because, I’ll be honest, it had a lot to offer and catered to my interests. But you know what? I wasn’t finishing anything. At one point I had around 30 games for it, with only a fraction of them having been completed. It was crazy agitating. I couldn’t focus on anything, partly because I was constantly thinking about what I could be doing instead of trying to finish this game. My anxiety was getting worse, not just because of my gaming habits mind you, but they contributed. Here I had this huge stack of games that were unfinished with no desire to play them because I couldn’t focus.

There was a point in 2016 where I went a solid 6 months without playing anything on my brand new PS4, instead choosing to focus on reading outside. I felt enlightened. All the while, I had my New 3DS XL and Animal Crossing New Leaf on me, which I would pick up and play here and there between chapters. It was magical and really made me wonder what my gaming future looked like if designated consoles were on the way out for me. Was I going to give up on gaming entirely? It definitely felt like it.

Enter Nintendo once again.

Being utterly disappointed with the Wii U and feeling like the 3DS had reached its peak. I was unsure of where they were going next, but the rumors of a console that was either to have both a handheld and a console version or design that was hybrid in nature sounded very promising, but with the support Nintendo had lost during the Wii U era, what exactly could I expect on such a device.

October 2016 saw the reveal of the Nintendo Switch; A hybrid handheld home console that could be played at home on the TV or on the go on a big, beautiful 720p screen. It was everything I could have hoped for all these years. A culmination of not only their stellar console exploits, but also their handheld department which had given the world the most therapeutic game in the world. 

Was I finally going to get the console experiences that I craved in a handheld form factor?

I can definitely say yes. Yes. Yes. A million times yes!!

The big reveal event in January 2017 spilled all details, setting the stage for a March 3rd 2017 release. I was ecstatic! I stayed up until 3am to nab a pre-order on Amazon, then headed out to Gamestop the following morning after only 3 hours of sleep to wait in line for the doors to open so that I could be first in line to get a backup pre-order in the event that something happened to my Amazon order.

The wait for the release was agonizing, but when the day finally came and I took off that weekend from work, it was amazing. Spending time with Breath of the Wild and Super Bomberman R are some of my favorite recent gaming memories. 

The concerns over what kind of support it might see didn’t last long, as third party devs saw the success and positive word of mouth revolving around Nintendo’s hybrid machine and started spitting out releases and announcements left and right. I knew I was putting all my eggs in one basket, but I just knew that I was making the right decision. I could feel it, this was going to be big.

I sold off the majority of my PS4 games, and gave the console and the few Resident Evil games that stayed behind to my sister. It was a tough decision in the end, but I don’t regret doing so at all now. Having to keep up two consoles would have just added to the stress and anxiety that just keeping my PS4 around was causing, so I did - as I always do, no matter how painful - what was best for myself, my mental state and my wallet and did away with the PS4.

Now more than two years later, 100+ Switch games finished and my collection growing what seems like weekly with games I never imagined I’d see on a Nintendo console or even re-released in this day and age. To put it lightly, the Switch and its form factor has been an absolute blessing and one I would not give up for anything in the world. Nintendo combining their handheld and home console ventures into one was brilliant idea and one I hope they don’t ever, EVER backtrack on.

In the time since this all unfolded, I’ve modded my dock so that I never have to remove my Switch from the Satisfye Pro Grip, meaning that there’s no extra steps between removing my Switch from the dock and slipping its grip on. It’s magical and has further increased my ability to just pick up and play, something I hadn’t seen since the days of the OG 3DS and its charging cradle.

So thank you Nintendo, and especially thanks to Satoru Iwata for brainstorming this beautiful device that the technical wizards of Nintendo saw through with and made a success, because without it, I can say most confidently that I would not be playing games today had it not happened.

[amidel]

Day Six

On Friday, you returned from spending the Christmas holiday with your family and all I could think about was how excited I was to see you. We’d spent two weeks apart, which is typical for the end of the year when there’s so much to do and so little time. I got to your apartment on Saturday evening and could immediately sense that something was off. We bantered and you seemed tired, so I chalked it up as being the result of an 11h drive back from Nashville. I mentioned a few times how much I’d missed you and how excited I was to have you back. You said it was good to be back.

We watched five hours of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel and went to bed... I slept restlessly and the next morning you told me you couldn’t fall asleep until 3am. I found that weird since you were the one who asked to go to sleep, but oh well. I picked at my french toast (that you had left the house at 9am to get eggs and milk to make with) and the feeling of anxiety and unease continued to simmer. By the time we got to my house later on Sunday, I felt like I was bracing myself. For what, I didn’t know yet. Leah headed out the door and you rang out your usual “see you later!”. And then it was just the two of us.

I would’ve been tense either way, but the episode of Bob’s Burgers that was on wasn’t helping. I asked you if you were upset with me, and you said no, but didn’t meet my eye until you noticed I was holding your gaze. I paused the episode a few minutes later, and you sat up and turned to me. Before you opened your mouth, I felt like I already knew what was coming. There were a few phrases that stuck out, and others that feel like a blur.

“So I did a lot of thinking over the past week.”

“I’ve been unhappy for the past few months.”

“In your grad essays, you mentioned that you want to move home to Senegal, and I don’t think I’m in a position to do that with you.”

“Our futures and what we want aren’t aligned.”

“You want to sit on the couch and watch TV all day.”

“You like to lie in in the mornings on weekends and that drives me crazy. I can’t do it and I hate that.”

“We exist in your context. In your apartment. With your friends.”

“You want to spend a lot of time with me...”

I think this is the point at which I asked if we were having a conversation or if you had made up your mind. You responded with the latter... still, I offered my reactions. Logically, I took issue with your remarks on my habits and who we spend time with, for reasons that seem pretty obvious. I don’t know how many opportunities I’ve given you over the past year and four months to voice concerns, to tell me you’re not happy, to tell me how to make things better for us... you rarely took me up on any of them. 

The issue of grad school is valid and one that I think would have merited a conversation (that you said we weren’t having). The others, I try not to resent you for. What it comes down to is that you no longer wanted to be in a relationship, with me.. with someone else.. that, I don’t know. What I do know is that relationships are built on trust, communication, and commitment. There are so many things about the future that I don’t know, and I’d be lying if I said that there weren’t niggling thoughts in the back of my mind that shouted out some of the ways we were different (maybe too much so). But every day, I woke up and chose you and chose us. Because those naysayers in the back of my head were spoilers and I believed in us more than I believed what they were saying. 

Man, I love(d) you. I guess I need to get to the point where that’s in the past tense. I think you were trying to protect yourself and me when you brought up the varying reasons why it wasn’t going to work... it’s hurtful to tell someone that you said you loved just the day before that you were no longer interested in being in a relationship with them. I get that, and I forgive you. But for better or worse, my rational side has gone over that conversation in different stages of grief - irritated, disappointed, sad, heartbroken, ambivalent - and each time I see it in a new light.

You said that in many other ways, I was an excellent and amazing partner and that I shouldn’t take this as a reflection of who I am as a person. You asked if we could be friends eventually. I said that I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me, and that I would need some space. You mentioned how calm I was... I said I was heartbroken but processing and would respect your decision. 

Today is Saturday. Juice cleanse aside, I slept poorly most of the week and have barely eaten. Though for some reason I can’t seem to have a proper cry about this, my body’s definitely reacting to the sense of loss I feel. I am eternally grateful for my support system and network of friends and family who surround me. This week would have been exponentially harder without them. I still woke up on a few mornings with my heart heavy, but I have been getting through each day. One after the next. I still went to Yara’s party on New Year’s Eve and our belated holiday gathering last night. Baby steps.

Weekends are going to be the hardest part. We had an on/off schedule during the weekdays but I knew weekends were for me and you. Finding things to do so I don’t end up sitting on the couch feeling sad is almost in direct conflict to how I want to cope. But it’s probably the healthiest option to go after. Nothing against wallowing, but balance is important. Today is the first Saturday since our breakup and I went to brunch with Dueaa and Leah A in NE DC. We drove through regular traffic and every time I saw a white Jeep, my heart skipped a beat. 

So. I don’t think we can be friends yet. Maybe when my heartbeat settles.

I had a slip-up and sent you a link on Twitter on Thursday. It was about Obama and Hamilton and while I think you appreciated it, I definitely just felt the need to be connected to you somehow. I told you about my juice cleanse and how I’m starting therapy. You seemed happy for me but didn’t offer any updates about yourself. As Yara pointed out, I need to get used to the idea that you’ve lost the privilege of knowing how I feel, my hopes and dreams, and my life updates. The nitty gritty crevices that people in your inner circle are kept abreast of. You were polite and encouraging in your responses. You’ve always been polite - that’s what drew me to you. So well-mannered. But I was right when I asked you for space on Sunday. This half-in, half-out isn’t going to work.

I think the hardest part is breaking habits: not texting you in the morning when I wake up, or when something reminds me of you, or the mindless banter on GChat that would make my work day a little less draining. 

I don’t regret any part of being with you. I think a part of me knew that I was more “in it” than you were... you were never overt about it, but I guess time together helped teach me how to read you. I keep telling myself that I’m glad this happened now as opposed to in the summer when I would be moving or changing things in my life. Imagine making a decision thinking you and someone else were on the same page, and it turns out you were reading different books. Now that’s heartbreaking. 

Still. It doesn’t make it easier. My rational thoughts have won out this week, but I’m dreading the moment that my emotions catch up. Though, I wouldn’t be mad at a healthy cry. How do I feel now?

Relieved that I started 2019 with the people who want to be in my life. Still sad. Thankful for the people around me. Lonely that it’s a Saturday and I’m on my couch with music and my thoughts for company. Happy that while it didn’t last, we had a year and four months of growth, love, and respect. Nervous that I’ll see another white Jeep and that’ll be what brings the tears on. 

All I can do is take things a day at a time. This is weekend one. Next will be weekend two, and so on, so forth. It’s an odd and disappointing feeling to feel unwanted, but I also understand that not all things last. And I’d rather know now so other blessings can come my way. I keep thinking I want to be six months out from this already so hopefully I’m in better spirits. But that’s not how that works. 

So today is day six. I went to brunch, spoke to my mum and younger sister, and had a call with Camryn. I started reading Michelle Obama’s new book. And it’s pretty damn good (already). Maybe journaling will help me process how I’m feeling at the moment. Maybe it won’t. But it’s a step. 

[rjhamster]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

December 28

by Joe Susan I hope that you and your family are well. Wednesday is Christmas. The holiday season is a special time for all of us. I believe in the magic of Christmas. It gets real quiet as the special day approaches. The hustle of last minute shopping slows down, people travel to come together with family. They settle in to the warmth of knowing they are with loved ones. We are fortunate that all three of our children will be “home” for the holiday. I am excited about having our family together. There is always something special about everyone being under one roof. Many group hugs. Christmas is about memories. I hope that yours are positive. Mine go back to growing up and the anticipation of getting something special. My approach has changed in that I get much more out of being with loved ones and giving of myself. The magic of Christmas is best seen through the eyes of a child. All of us went through this special time as we grew. Most of us yearn back to it and envy the joy and anticipation that we see in the children we are fortunate to be around at this time of year. They do believe. So do I. We were on Santa watch throughout the year but our good behavior ramped up during the month of December. We were of simple means but felt we had everything. The most important thing we had was each other. Love is the most special gift you can give. I remember snow. Yes White Christmases….lots of snow. Now I am sure that was not a constant but it sure seemed that way. The anticipation on Christmas Eve led to us trying to go to bed early after setting up our stockings (no fireplace….but we made it work) and leaving cookies and milk for Santa. Not much sleep on those magical evenings. Our Christmas lists were wishful at best. We had seen Santa in the mall and often cried before being forced onto his lap to take a picture. Funny he showed up in another mall on the very same day; good at getting around he was.  His beard and toupee left a bit to be desired. My sister and brothers would always wake up early and sneak to the stairwell. We would start as early as 3am though we knew we couldn’t come down until our parents called us. The essence of Christmas is not in what you receive…it is in what you give to others. Cindy and I spent Christmas together as a young couple early in our marriage. We celebrated with one another and visited those close to us. Our love grew and our family did as well. As a Father the memories are made each year as the holiday season gets closer. The best part of Christmas is seeing the pure joy that young children have when they come down to see the tree. There is nothing better than the smiles and hugs you share with close family. As our children have grown into adults that will never change. Our family will be together this Christmas. Responsibilities, time and geography have impacted the time we are able to come together. The magic of the holiday will bring back special memories and create new ones.   The most important thing about Christmas is the people you are able to share this special time with. The gifts will come and go but the relationships we share with those we love impact our souls. It is a time to gather each other together and share the best present of all…..TIME. This is also a time to remember Christmases in the past. Especially those that we shared with people we love who are no longer with us. The older I get the longer this list gets. It is a fact of life. The impact they have on us will last forever. In the love that we have shared they are eternal. Cherish those you are close to. Gather them together for a team hug. Laugh, cry and if you choose to dance then dance like no one is looking. Whatever holiday you celebrate, I wish you and those you love the very best for a joyous time. MERRY CHRISTMAS My best to you. Take care, Joe

No Email tomorrow

Enjoy your Sunday 😎

Call someone you love

Make a difference today,

Love Clint

[its-lifestyle]

Kaboom! Puffs of white smoke spiralled upwards into the night sky, a sign that the Nine Emperor Gods have arrived. Down by the river, a small group of devotees and mediums was engaged in a divinity ceremony to receive the deities.

At the top of a slope, a bigger group of devotees awaited. All were dressed in white and in kneeling position, their heads bowed and hands clasped in prayer, holding joss sticks and incense papers.

“I climbed a tree and caught a glimpse of the ritual when I was a teenager,” said businessman Sam Wong, 58, from Cheras, Kuala Lumpur. “It was the closest I could get to witnessing the ‘welcoming deities’ ceremony but saw nothing except the smoke and throngs of devotees.”

Wong was reminiscing about the exciting times when many people came from near and far to celebrate the Nine Emperor Gods Festival in Ampang New Village, Selangor. Decades later, this dramatic scene remains vivid in his memory.

Devotees carrying the sedan chair and swaying it during the Nine Emperor Gods Festival in Ampang New Village, Selangor.

Many people say that the ceremony to usher the high-ranking star lords from the riverside or the seashore was – and still is – shrouded in mystery. Every year, the Nine Emperor Gods Festival, which takes place Sept 29-Oct 7 this year, is celebrated from the first to the ninth day of the ninth lunar month.

Wong said, “In those days, word has it that if a tortoise is found by the river, the devotees would take it back as they believe it to be a manifestation of the deities. Now I think that it is probably an invisible tortoise, a symbol of divinity.”

Contractor HS Ho from Kepong, in his late 50s, said that according to some people, the welcoming party would probably collect a rock back if there was no tortoise in sight. “I heard that sometimes they pick up a fish too, or whatever they can find by the river,” said businessman TC Kok from Ampang.

Kok added that devotees, dressed in white, would take part in a street procession and walk 4km from the temple in Ampang New Village to a river in Lembah Jaya.

Red and yellow tortoise buns with auspicious words are popular items snapped up by worshippers during the Nine Emperor Gods Festival in Tow Boh Keong temple in Ipoh, Perak.

Each year, the devotees would head to a spot by the river to pick up the deities as they believe that the latter arrive via the waterways. But in recent years, said Kok, the venue has shifted slightly due to a development project nearby.

Wong, Ho and Kok are childhood friends who went to the same school together. During their teenage years, the festival was one of the most exciting highlights in their lives.

Ho shared, “I used to sell red flour tortoises and joss sticks to make a fast buck as a school boy.” Even now, he would occasionally stop by the Kew Ong Yeah temple in Ampang New Village for old times’ sake.

Ritual by the waters

Wong Kin Tack. Photo: The Star/Majorie Chiew

There are about 80 registered Kew Ong Yeah temples in Malaysia, with the oldest one being the 160 year old Nan Tian Kong temple in Ampang New Village.

Wong Kin Tack, 85, chairman of the temple, said, “In Ampang, a procession of hundreds of devotees and 10 mediums will leave the temple at about 7.30pm on the eve of the festival to welcome the Nine Emperor Gods. From 10 years ago, lion and dragon dance troupes have also joined in.”

When asked if anyone from the entourage picked up objects by the river, which are symbolic manifestations of the deities, he replied, “No such thing.”

“At the riverside, there will be chantings and burning of sandalwood incense (to invite the deities to descend into the urn). The urn bearer will throw a pair of wooden moon blocks (seng pui in Cantonese) to ask for permission to leave.

“If the answer is yes, (when one block faces up and the other faces down) it means the deities have arrived and are ready to depart. The devotee will then place the sacred urn in the sedan chair for the journey to the temple,” explained Wong, who has been temple chairman for 33 years.

According to him, there will be three sedan chairs carrying deities in the procession. The heavier one bearing the Nine Emperor Gods will not be swayed while two other sedan chairs carrying other deities will be.

During the sending off of the deities at 3am on the 10th day, Wong said an earthern pot would be set adrift in the river to bid farewell to the gods.

A prominent activity associated with the festival is the walking-on-fire ritual, believed to ward off bad luck. The Ampang New Village temple does not allow women to take part in the activity as only men are allowed. Fine salt and rice grains are sprinkled on burning coals to lower the heat.

Mediums would carry bags with cloth talismans when walking on the fire. For a donation fee of RM100, devotees can obtain these talismans for protection.

Meanwhile, devotees of the 48-year-old Leng Eng Tian Khiew Ong Tai Tay Temple in Sungei Way, Petaling Jaya, would welcome the Nine Emperor Gods from Morib, Selangor, each year.

Datuk Yap Yip Leong, 48, honorary advisor of the temple, explained that a lorry will load a wooden sedan chair for the deities, adding that 30,000 people visited the temple during the festival last year.

When the welcoming party reaches the seaside, three mediums, temple committee elders and the sedan-bearing devotees would walk 1.5km from the beach out to sea. The tide would have receded by the time the ritual begins about 11pm on the eve of the festival, said Yap.

“Three mediums would lead the welcoming delegation, walking out to sea until the waters reach chest level, with the sedan chair bearers and temple elders following closely behind,” he said.

Worshippers during the Nine Emperor Gods celebration in Ampang New Village, Selangor.

The mediums would begin their chantings to invoke and welcome the deities. When the yellow flags are waved, it is a sign that the deities have arrived. The sedan chair bearing its divine guests would be loaded onto the lorry to head back to the temple.

On arrival at the temple, the devotees would carry the sedan chair into the temple’s inner chamber.

Staying faithful 

Datuk Yap Yip Leong. Photo: Datuk Yap Yip Leong

While many devotees observe vegetarianism throughout the nine days, Yap, a past chairman of the Leng Eng Tian Khiew Ong Tai Tay Temple, said some devotees would start their vegetarian meals earlier to purify themselves, from the 15th day of the eighth lunar month right through the festival.

A lantern would also be hung on a 9m bamboo pole erected in the temple grounds. It is believed that the pole is to facilitate the coming and going of the heavenly deities during the festival.

On the third, sixth and ninth day of the festival, at about 1pm, there will be a ritual to pray to Heaven and the Underworld to pay respects to the generals and implore them to grant peace and safety during the festival.

Other activities include nightly luck-changing ceremonies, crossing the staircase of knives (only for male members of the temple) to promote good health, and dipping of hands in hot oil.

On the ninth night, at about 11pm, the deities would be sent back to sea in Morib and on the 10th day, the temple would pray to the Jade Emperor in Heaven to thank him for a good festival.

Madam Choong, an octogenarian from Petaling Jaya, has been a faithful worshipper of the Nine Emperor Gods for the past 50 years. “This year, I will stay in the Ampang New Village temple on the eve of the festival and leave on the morning of the 10th day,” she said.

Some 80% of people who stay in the hostel at the temple during the festival are women. “In my younger years, I used to follow the procession by foot. Since several years ago, I have not been able to walk that much,” she said.

The Nan Tian Kong temple in Ampang New Village is thronged by devotees offering their prayers to the deities every year during the Nine Emperor Gods Festival.

Klang businessman Sia Lin Jian, 50, is also a loyal worshipper. Originally from Xiamen, China, Sia is in Malaysia to work on projects that beautify Chinese temples. “I would go on a 15-day vegetarian diet during the festival and visit different temples in the Klang Valley each year to pray for peace and prosperity,” he said.

Regularly, he would take part in the fire-walking ceremony to “get rid of bad luck”. “Usually, a thick layer of salt would be sprinkled on the coals. One’s feet would feel a warmth glow when crossing the hot coals,” he said.

Devotees need to purify themselves by going on a strict vegetarian diet before they walk on coals so that their feet do not get burnt. It is a test of their faith, and it is this faith that serves as a cornerstone of this cherished festival.

from Family – Star2.com https://ift.tt/2m7MpM9