#Tommy/Maria

[bumblepony]

I got this wonderful commission of Tommy and Maria dancing by the amazing @kenobiwanx, and I am just blown away by how perfect it is!

I love Tommy & Maria, and the more fan art I can put out into TLOU community for them, the happier I'll be.

[chronicallyonlinewriter]

for drabbles: more Tommy and Maria? you gave them such a cute family and I want to see more of that!

I'm actually working on a one-shot (tentatively titled Stand on the Rock) about them, which fits into my People Still Listen to Fleetwood Mac in the Apocalypse series. It takes place a year after the events of Go Your Own Way, and about two-and-a-half years before As Long as You Follow. Again, have a (long!) snip!

A crash resonated from somewhere within the house – downstairs, judging from the overall distance that seemed to carry it – and then a shout quickly followed. A second later there was another sound, and a far more terrifying one at that: the shattering of glass, followed by a young voice yelling out in surprise and then a more feminine tone screeching out, “you asshole!” 

“For fuck’s sake –” Maria turned her head, moaning this into her pillow. “Tell me I didn’t just hear something glass break.”

“You didn’t hear somethin’ glass break,” Tommy grunted. Still, they didn’t move, seemingly frozen in place. A deep sigh left his lips, his forehead pressed against her braids. “Maybe we can just…lay here, pretend like we didn’t hear nothin’.”

“Mama!” The sheer desperation of the cry made them both groan, and that was that – all hope was lost. Within seconds, their – thankfully locked – doorknob was rattling, twisting back and forth and shuddering as a small fist pounded against the painted wood. “Papa! Let me in!”

“You want broken glass, or the three-year-old?” Maria pulled herself away from him with a groan, leaving him suddenly feeling rather cold even under the warmth of their duvet. She slid out from over the covers and sat up at the side of the bed, stretching herself long, her feet on the ground and her head tilted back as her hands grasped at the back of her neck, working out the knots in her muscles. 

“I want you to get back in this bed, cariño,” he grumbled, reaching his arm out long just to tug at the bottom of her sleep shirt. “Whatever’s broken’ll still be broken in five minutes.”

“Five minutes, huh?” She twisted around to look at him still laying against his pillow, one eyebrow arched toward her hairline. “What girl could possibly resist an offer that enticing?” She rose to her feet as he chuckled, opening her dresser drawers and grabbing a clean pair of underwear and some jeans, both of which she wrangled over her hips with impressive speed as she hopped her way to their bedroom door. There was still a small pair of lungs bellowing for mama and papa on the other side, but as soon as it was unlocked and Maria pulled it open, the little face that was there to greet them switched from abject misery to pure joy almost immediately.

“Mama!” Artie threw hands in the air, jumping up and down on his tip-toes expectantly. Maria acquiesced immediately, sweeping the boy up in her arms and holding him securely at her shoulder. “Teo and Cece broke something!” he informed both of them chirpily, and Tommy snorted even as he covertly pulled his boxers back over his thighs, still under the protection of the blanket.

“My son, the narc,” he said, holding his hands out.

“My son, the state’s witness,” Maria corrected him, pressing a sloppy kiss on the boy’s cheek before dropping the giggling bundle of curly hair and fire engine red pajamas on top of the covers, where he immediately made a beeline for his father’s waiting arms. “All yours, Casanova. I’m going downstairs – see what the other two have managed to destroy. My bet’s on a window.”

“Don’t be a pessimist, mi vida,” he chided her, and she paused in the doorway, “we also got a TV, some mirrors – I mean, the possibilities are endless.”

She didn’t even bother replying directly to him, letting the shake of her head and a few mumbled words do it for her, and he listened to her feet stomping down the stairs while Artie pushed himself into his arms, pressing his face against Tommy’s chest.

“Do you know what they broke, cachetes?” he whispered to the toddler, brushing some of his curls away from his eyes. The boy shook his head, though his smile only grew. “No? You were in bed?” Artie nodded this time, and Tommy laughed. “Yeah, I don’t believe that for a second.” 

Artie said nothing to this, but he giggled again, reaching up to tug on the collar of Tommy’s t-shirt so he could pull himself closer to the man’s chest. He nestled in, a small, warm body curled against his father, and Tommy welcomed the embrace, more than willing to steal a few extra moments of rest so his heart could find some calm before the demands of the day began. He knew well enough that this was all very temporary – that someday Artie would decide that he was too old to start his mornings this way, that eventually he wouldn’t even want Tommy to hold his hand while they walked through the streets of Jackson. He still remembered the sting of it, the first time Sarah surreptitiously pulled away from him before they could cross an intersection together, barely seven years old but already convinced of her need for independence. 

“It’s just you, me, and the alborotadores today,” he said softly, palming one of Artie’s comically rounded cheeks. It was almost disappointing that they were beginning to diminish; that the boy was growing into his looks, stretching taller by the day and developing a leanness to his limbs that was propelling him out of toddlerhood faster than Tommy expected or wanted. “What d'you wanna do?”

When Artie smiled he was all Tommy, his nose wrinkling out of habit, a wide grin stretched over his teeth. In moments of tranquility Maria's influence on his features became more evident, his dark eyes just as wide and observant, his nose, when settled, more rounded at its tip. His hair seemed to darken more and more every day – and it was the hair that always gave Tommy pause, so reminiscent of the cousin he would never get to meet, tightly-coiled and springy and barely able to be contained under a hat when the weather turned cold. It was the hair that always caught his uncle’s attention, too; where his eyes always lingered for a little longer than he meant for them to, his expression carefully neutral until the child’s attention was upon him and he would remember to immediately force a smile that never quite reached his eyes.

“Pancakes,” said Artie now, “with syrup.” 

Forget the syrup one goddamn time, and Tommy was certain he would never hear the end of it. Still, he smiled down at the pair of eyes that were now carefully watching him, a young face that brightened considerably when he nodded in agreement. “Pancakes it is. Gotta go to the dining hall for it, though. You’re gonna have to get dressed – no pajamas allowed. You wanna get started, and then I’ll come in and help?” “Okay!” Invigorated by the promise of pancakes, Artie sprang up at once, crawling over his father and not even noticing the sharp ‘oof!’ pushed out of Tommy’s lungs when one of his small knees connected with sternum, dropping down on the other side of him and then wiggling down the side of the bed until his bare feet touched the cold hardwood. “Hurry!” the boy yelled, already dashing into the hallway. Tommy sat up slowly, one hand rubbing at his aching chest, a deep sigh leaving his throat.

He’d been awake for less than ten minutes, and already he could tell it was going to be a very long day.

[mariatesstruther]

i`ve just finished all your fics and they`re so goooooood, i want more! i'm in my Tommy/Maria rot and you write them so well, are you gonna write more for the pairing maybe? also what are your favorite Tommy/Maria fics?💖

omg thank u thank u thank u anon, whoever and wherever u are. i really appreciate this, and i am 100% writing more of maria/tommy. i just got a second job so my time is limited, but literally almost everytime in on the bus to/from work im thinking and writing about these two 🫶🏾

fear of heights, my tommy/maria origin story fic will have part 2 posted sometime in september! tommy’s chapter will finish off that fic, and i’d love to write more stories of them in that universe like flora and fauna

in the meantime, my joel/tess exes textfic also has a bit of tommy/maria and will be finished at the end of this month!

i also plan to write a tommy/maria hairdresser au in which maria does hair, either as a modern au or some type of miller family fic set in jackson!

as for my favorite maria/tommy fics, im actually working on a fic rec post with my favorite works about them and maria specifically. i feel like it’s so hard to find fics that appreciate and extend understanding to maria as a character along with tommy, so i want to make a list of the ones i personally really love. should be posted by wednesday!

off the top of my head though, i love anything by marchflower, especially in sickness and in health

germanus by @timelesslords

wool to brave the seasons by ducle_chisme

if it werent for second chances, we’d all be alone by mentallyinlothlorien

ANYTHING by cannedpeaches (who also has an amazing tommy/maria origin fic)

AND there was nowhere for me to stay by missicarus08

hope there’s something in here u haven’t read yet anon!!! if anyone has tommy/maria fics to rec please fell welcome to reply 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

sm love and i will make sure to reblog this when i update!

[pearlessance]

Idle Threats MASTERLIST

Joel has watch duty with Jackson’s twenty-year old, smart-mouthed brat and gets more than he bargained for.

Warnings: Explicit sexual content MDNI, brat taming, religious imagery and symbolism, catholic guilt, dom/sub undertones, canon typical violence, age gap (32years), mean!Joel, jealousy, reader is given a backstory to progress the plot, size difference, mention of sexual assault, mention of loss and death, mention of sexual assault of a minor, (no explicit details), renouncing of god, desecration of a church, JOEL POV

i: Watch Duty

ii: Locked Doors

iii: The Hand that Feeds

iv: Feelin' Empty?

v: Faith in Me

vi: Her Love Endures

vii: Dig Two Graves

viii: Forgive Me, Father

ix: Judge, Jury, Executioner

x: 32:1

[completed on AO3!]

divider by @tsunami-of-tears <3

bottom graphic by @saradika-graphics <3

[ellies-enrichment]

the adoption process was so long and exhausting but he signed the papers. now we gotta get marlene to sign her over.

[chewbacca]

THE LAST OF US | S01E06 KIN

[netherfeildren]

devoted husband joel miller save me devoted husband joel miller

[blackberrydeer]

[tightjeansjavi]

Slow Hands

**ON HIATUS**

Summary: Joel Miller thinks that your coffee shop in Jackson is a bit too “frivolous” for his taste until Tommy tells him one day that it’s the best cup of coffee that he’ll ever have. Little does he know..he’s going to get more than just a cup of coffee when he finally meets you. You soon find out that the grumpy old man with a rambunctious teenager, is hiding sugar sweet softness under layers of hardness.

Pairing | Joel Miller x f! Reader

Fic Warnings: angst, Joel is struggling to adjust to living a domestic life, anxiety, feeling like an outcast, grumpy old man! Joel, shy! Joel, kinda mean! Joel, sunshine reader, flirting, fluff, awkward situations, reminiscing on the past, eluding to death/loss, reader has no physical descriptions and is from Texas, reader has a nickname (beanie bc y’know coffee beans) no age gap, vulgar language, slow burn, friends to lovers, eventual smut, canon-typical violence, disturbing/distressing themes, flashbacks, trauma, implied SA/drugged (not by Joel but by a group of raiders) this is a fic that takes place post-outbreak so please keep in mind that there will be dark/triggering themes. Please read with caution.

Chapters |

Chapter 1 - Cuppa Love

Chapter 2 - an espresso a day keeps the doctor away

Chapter 3 - trust me to trust you

Chapter 4 - I used to float, now I just fall down

Chapter 5 - be still, my foolish heart

Chapter 6 - you’re like a mirror, reflecting me

Chapter 7 - the losin’ touch, the waiting game

Chapter 8 - if I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself

Chapter 9 - when the monsters creep into your house

Chapter 10 - the lone moose

Chapter 11 - a wolf in sheep’s clothing

Chapter 12 the shadow of death

Chapter 13 I’ll crawl home to her

Epilogue days of you and me

Drabbles/One-shots:

[peggingeddiediaz]

Hello, I know I’ve been gone for a while, but I received a lot of hate for not staning a side character and I had to take a break. Now though, I don’t care.

The obsession with BuckTommy as a couple is pretty much fetishization and misogyny bc I'm 100% sure that if Tommy had been a female love interest, his stans wouldn't have been so obsessed with the relationship and would’ve hated every single thing he did last season.

Buck’s coming out as bi should be the focus, but as always, such an important storyline gets reduced to a rushed relationship and a obsession for a side character with not enough background to fill a napkin.

Buck being bi doesn't mean he has to end with the first guy he kisses or that people have to like whatever he has going with Tommy, especially when he’s had so little development that his characterization is whatever head canon you guys gaslight yourself into and think that makes him the best gay character ever. Y’all really went insane over those cameos.

I don’t think you guys really care about good, well crafted, quality narrative representation of queer relationships, you only care about flaunting around your canon surface level ship. It’s pretty obvious why a lot of Bucktommy blogs used to be Buddie accounts in the months prior. It’s bc y’all only cared about Buck messing around with any guy he could find. A white man specifically.

The negativity towards Buck and Eddie skyrocketed from "They won't be canon, Eddie is straight" to the absolute extreme with "Why not just have Eddie die so Tommy and Buck can raise Chris?" The increase in blatant racism using shipping as a cover is incredibly sad.

A lot of you had no issue with Tommy, a white man randomly appearing again being revealed to be queer or Buck’s coming out but the idea of Eddie, a mexican man with catholic guilt and failed relationships with women, is too insane to happen somehow. And let’s not get into the “theories” about how Eddie, a latino man, is gonna side with Gerrard’s racism because of a mustache but Tommy’s active bigotry towards Chim and Hen during season 2 should be ignored because “he changed”. I wonder WHITE that is...?

[sicksicksixx]

joel: so… communism?

tommy: nah it ain’t like that

maria: it’s literally exactly like that. we live on a commune. we’re communists.

tommy: 😤🫢🙀🤯

[missmarveledsblog]

ITS A START part one

summary : when joel is settling into life in jackson there's one thing that has his attention , a woman of the name Y/N . The loner who barely spoke to anyone other than his brother til joel and y/n are sent to find supplies he soon finds out the reason why the girls quiet as he tries to break down the walls she built so long .

warnings: mentions of death of family and children ( readers brother and joel's daughter) , animals being eating since its the apocalypse , pain and sadness but some happy tones in there too . Mention of domestic violence too so

Coming to jackson was never meant to be anything but temporary of course everything changes nothing is set in stone in a world that fell to pieces one day . it wasn't suppose to be long and yet it dawning on two years since ellie and he arrived in jackson . it had what he needed the rest be dammed , his brother was here , ellie had stability something that the girl never had before , it was like everything in the damned town amazed her but then again most of the kids or young folk were amazed at things from the past if it seemed new. It seemed like jackson had it all , community , security and god damn it was he too old to be kept on the damn road yeah jackson was the end stop to plant roots and live it out til the day he took his last breath .

what joel didn't expect jackson to have was Y/N . She arrived a little before joel and ellie , she kept to herself most times hell knows what the woman had seen or had to do but he knew it wasn't pretty , he knew that look one of a person forced to do the unthinkable just to keep going. She kept quiet maybe she was still not trusting of it all he couldn't blame her hell he had his reservations. He watched her eyes observing everything around her waiting for it to go bad at some stage and little by little she relaxed yet still kept herself to herself and it wasn't for lack of trying hell every single man in town had tried to chance their arm with the woman which he couldn't blame them she was a pretty one he couldn't deny it. But she was too closed off only ones that could get her to talk was tommy and maria and even at that it was short and to the point.

He was surprise one morning to find her and tommy standing on his doorstep , confusion didn't last long when tommy explain she would be joining joel as he went on a scavenge hunt looking for things the towns folk were low of .

" you know how use a gun and knife" he asked expecting the usual nod or shake of her head when people talked to her.

" yes sir" he was surprise to hear how soft her voice was , how sweet the tone it help in those two words.

" well i'll meet you in the stables in twenty minutes don't keep me waiting" he said wondering would she speak but it went back to the gestures of answers . " go get ready i'll see you then" he said before heading into his house nearly running into ellie on his way .

" i guess i'm staying with tommy and maria huh" she asked.

" Yeah, so keep the language to a minimum. we don't need that baby coming out swearing like a sailor," he teased, shooting her a little smile . " work a miracle and get the pretty one to crack her shell because that will be day i stop fucking swearing old man" she snorted heading into the kitchen ready to tease the old man make sure get some extra shots for the road too . he never took it to heart it was just here being a teenager, which was all he wanted for her now . Packing the small bag of things he would need he dropped ellie off at his brothers before heading to the stable not seeing her outside , he headed in thinking he'd get the horses ready so they could just go but what he didn't expect was the quiet woman had same idea both horses ready and the ones he would of choose at first.

" Ready," he asked .

" yes sir" she said again bit louder.

" call me joel," he simple said as they took off heading to a town not so far away maybe a day trip so it wasn't too much for the woman's first outing .

" we'll ride for couple of hours there's a cabin couple hours away stop for the night check around for some deer or something then hit the town first thing in morning" he explained.

" why not get the deer on way back meat would be fresher" she asked .

" or we could do that" he chuckled shaking his head.

" is it a list sort of thing or grab whatever available sort of thing" she asked again that damn voice calling him like a siren to a sea , how the hell could something as simple as a voice effect him so much maybe he been out of the game to long yeah that was it .

" grab whatever is well not broken beyond compare but the likes of medical supplies shit like that is always needed" he said taking the lead as the two looked for the nearest town or maybe the next one to that .

It was still daylight thankfully when they arrived in the town , it was completely void of anything that would be considered life . seemed a complete ghost town not even an infected about although it was never completely ruled out. They tied up the horse before setting off he notice her movement got more quiet but yet still efficient like this part she was born for and maybe she was granted she was probably twenty years younger then him . she probably was only a baby when this whole world went to shit which was sad kids now and young adult such as the one at his side never knowing what it was like before all the infected business like what it was like to go out with friends to the mall or movies or nightlife of dancing at clubs and bars it was simple things but they were missed by alot of the older folk . each house had barely anything few clothes that could be fixed up for the younger folk. One house they came to she took the upper level while he checked out the lower floor. He'd have to give it to her she move silently but when he was searching through a kitchen he noticed it was too quiet something that about that sent him into gear almost taking the steps two at a time.

Only to stop seeing her standing holding a blanket in her hands looking completely broken til she noticed him instantly that wall came up and she was almost emotionless again shoving the blanket into her bag and continuing the search pretend he didn't catch her in a moment of weakness , maybe it reminded her of life at some point but he wasn't going to push not now anyway instead silently he came to her side and looked with her , no words exchanged as the two set about there business.

The haul was surprisingly good they found shit ton of things that the town folk would appreciate even a couple of good sewing kits although she kept one and he was keeping the other not that he knew how to sew but couldn't be that hard . last house was all the needed to check and then it was it he took the top floor as she took the lower both taking turns even though it wasn't planned it worked well . what he didn't expect was as he searched the bathroom , a small smile on his face as he found a first aid kit fully stocked it was like finding gold as he added it to the bag . then he heard it that noise everyone dreaded when he looked up seeing the infecteds reflection in the small broken mirror . he went to turned as it dove at him , he felt like it was the end knowing this was it , this was going to be the last breath he drew but even in that sentiment he was going to go down fighting kicking and scratching if needed. He was ready to give it all he got only for a knife to be drove into the sweet spot instantly killing the fungus riddled bastard as it fell she stood calm as a peach pulling the knife out of the skull and wiping it clean on ratted up shower curtain .

" you good" she asked slight pant to her voice.

" yeah i'm good lets go before more come" he said only to earn a nod of agreement pulling the bags they walked quietly but fast towards the unharmed animals and setting off to the cabin needing some form of rest. He almost died nearly let an infected take him, and yet he was still standing all because the silent beauty was there . they barely spoke, scoping the place out wasn't only the infected you needed to be wary of, but the coast was clear , the area was empty bar some deer prints they could check out in the morning. Like it was second nature, she checked around the cabin before setting her things do, n grabbing some wood for the fire and grabbing some food they found . he barely registered his own voice as the words came from his mouth .

" thanks back there woulda been goner if it ain't been for you" he said almost gruff whisper.

" you woulda done same fer me" she shrugged.

" still a girl in jackson would be grateful" he couldn't help smile as he said it.

" well i'm glad i could save her daddy nothing worse losing family" she said so sadly .

" she not my daughter i'm just looking out for her , she alone needs some guidance is all" he explained.

" ellie right , nah that's your daughter you look at her like she is doesn't take blood to be family as much as people might think" she shook her head and he could of sworn he'd seen her mouth twitch up maybe for a second but he saw it.

" good she has you , worlds shit enough without trying to navigate it alone that's for sure" she added.

" you know i think this most i've heard you speak hell i think today is first time i've heard your voice" he chuckled .

" i guess being alone for so long you forget how to talk sometimes" she nodded.

" well you should get to know the folk of jackson, there good people and won't be so lonely" .

" lonely don't get you hurt" she said easily.

" the blanket earlier remind you of someone" he asked seeing it peak out of her bag.

" my little brother , he was four when he died , happiest little boy just full of life could make you forget the shit going on in the word , raiders came to my families camp wanted everything we had , my daddy gave it to them then they wanted me well my daddy shot the man that grabbed me quicker that you could draw a breath it all happened so fast bullets fly , lucas got scared went to run to my mama and she ran to him telling him get down then they were both down not moving , the only thing that made the world seem like it was ok was gone my daddy lost it seeing them like that he began shooting hitting them all only as he went to check on my mama, one wasn't as dead as he thought shot him i didn't even think i just picked that gun up and shot then i was alone all my world was gone in an instant maybe if i went with them he'd be alive now" said softly her voice cracking ever so slightly as her hand felt the material . " i've been alone ever since twenty plus years of living on this planet and i ain't never wanna feel that kind of pain again" she not daring to look up at the man .

" you must of been young yourself men like that are animals could of done all sorts" joel tried to reason yet he was more shocked she opened up. " i was fourteen i could of handled , then I thought I was safe , he made me feel safe but like most it was a trap , called his wife , you believe that way he treated me wasn't how man should treat his wife , my daddy showed me how from way he loved my mama been alone ever since " she said finally looking up . " well now you ain't got to , look i know what ever you had to do wasn't pretty i know that more than anyone i lost family but i also got family and wise person told me it don't take blood to make one" he winked .

" well they weren't my blood my real folks died and they took me in ,they were my family" she sniffled hating she was letting herself be so vulnerable how the hell was this man able to crack the what she though was indestructible walls so easily .

" come ere" he said softly watching her fighting on whether or not to take that step let herself to let someone in or not and yet she did she was tired of being the one that picked herself up even if it was just that night well she was going to let someone in. she slowly crawled into his arms letting it all out ten years of emotions spilled out of her the moment his arms wrapped around her. She must of cried herself to sleep because she woke during the night seeing herself still in joel's arms the man as rubbing her head and telling her

" i got ya " , " let it out". Letting the man sleep she pulled out of his arms letting the man rest as she sat in the stool near the door watching out for any sign of a threat that could be lurking in the darkness .

That was exactly how he found her eyes watching at the sun began to rise . " why didn't ya wake me" he said voice lace with sleep as he stretched his aching muscle out.

" ain't nothing i can sleep when i get back , you looked deep in sleep plus that snoring had to make sure you didn't lure the infected here" she said heading off to the back where the back room was could of sworn there was a playful lilt to her voice .

shaking his head he grabbed his water bottle and small pot to began making much needed breakfast a little proud of getting her to open up and from how hard she was crying it was like she needed it . When she walked out she seemed less tense , less tightly wound up like before .

" breakfast then we hunt that deer" he said nodding for her to take a seat.

" i brought coffee" she said pulling the small bag of it out of her bag.

" the most important thing in the morning" he joked and she actually laughed it was low but he heard it.

" you think that deer is still around" she asked seemly wanting to try the whole talking thing more .

" he's a round some where close if not sure rabbits and stuff are around" he said pulling two cups from his bag .

" whats the worse animal you've eaten" she asked getting set on her task.

" hmm id say cat" he winced remember it wasn't a great moment .

" i'd say rat"she chuckled again bit loud be if it wasn't the sounds of an angel he wasn't sure what was.

" rat ain't bad not much to em" he said.

" my daddy said he ate a hamster before said it worst thing he's ever eat although bless the man couldn't cook for shit" she shook her head smiling .

" how long where you with them" .

" oh since a baby , my birth mama was dying and she asked them take me , they could of said yes and just left me but they didn't , raised me as i was there own same with lucas was like the same thing all that history repeating itself sort of thing they didn't even think twice and took him" she said voice cracking .

" i know what it's like to lose family , i lost my daughter sarah , died in my arms just as the world was falling , it never leaves you and i did what you done i never let myself get close but that ain't living either hell she'd give me hell for doing it" he said his own voice wavering but if she could bare that part of herself well he could do the same.

" i'm guessing ellie didn't give you much choice did she" she asked smiling more that was his new favourite thing about it all was her smile .

" no she didn't , got mouth of her too i mean she would put a sailor to shame" . " come on lets eat and get that deer i doubt there's hamster about" he joked as he began plating up the food as the two made small talk learning little things about each other , joel would tell her about life before infected and she would tell him places she'd been seemly all over the continent the sad part was she was alone through it all dealing with things no one should at such a young age with the hands of a monster .

They followed the tracks , again quiet as she walked both hiding behind a tree , the deer indeed had not strayed too far . he held up his rifle ready to shot until the deer headed off running and they heard them coming . least three voices getting louder and louder as the hide out of view .

she was pale , he could see fear in her eyes she though it was history repeating itself , god she was idiot for letting him get close and now it was going to be all over. They spotted them coming closer she went to move towards joel only for a hand to pull her away.

" well look what we have here" the man snickered looked down her frame hungrily .

" let her go and be on your way" he almost growled the other two held out their knife .

" or we take her and not kill you" the man pulled her harder to his chest smelling her hair making her body cringe.

" joel" she said softly telling him what she wanted to tell her father all those years ago he could see it in her eyes . " can take care of yourself" he said almost telling her to look past that fear and thankfully she did pulling the blade from her belt and holding it to the man's crown jewel.

" i wouldn't move if i was you i got ammo and she got him by the balls" he said holding the rifle up at the men.

" how about you turn your asses around and go back where you came" she said pushed the tip hard as if pierced through his jeans yet didn't touch anything.

" KEEP YOUR CRAZY BITCH" The man gulped pushing her forward out of his grasp only for her to pull the pistol from joel's belt.

"Says the scum that sniffling my hair drop your weapons and fuck off" she yelled.

" aint gonna use that princess" which was perfect timing for her to spot something fussy as she took the shot sending the men running .

" i got dinner" was all she said walking and picking up the now dead rabbit.

" you were going to let them take you" he growled.

" i would of gotten away" she said .

" well you ain't alone anymore so i ain't leaving if trouble come you got me .. im your friend " he said heading back in the direction of the cabin .

" they would of attacked you" she said getting annoyed.

" i got a gun" he said. But she stayed silent holding out his gun for him to take it back slight guilty seeing he was hurt she was gonna let them take her but she didn't want the first friend she's had to get hurt because of her.

" truce i don't have the social awareness to deal with an argument" she asked being honest but it did make him laugh.

" enough to crack joke next time no being alone no more , you got me now" he said taking the gun.

" do i have a choice" she asked trying to not smile .

"no come on that gun shot might attract infected" he nodded as two headed back to the cabin packing up their things and heading back.

Tommy opened the gate as they headed in following the two to the stables ready to help with the suppile .

" what you get" he asked as they tied up the horses she handed over the bag of thing as well as the rabbit that was still dripping of blood.

" wait here" joel took the blanket out and handed it to her clean hand .

" really" she asked .

" really take it , she good out there saved my ass a couple of times" he said turning to tommy . " doesn't shut up talking though" he added .

" says the one what is it with you millers and talking so much i swear y'all could talk for texas" she called over her shoulder as tommy's jaw dropped in shock .

" i'll be damn she's cracking joke i think that loudest i've heard her voice what hell you do out there" he turned to his brother.

" didn't give her choice i mean she aint gonna be social butterfly with but it's a start" he chuckled heading out to his own house leaving his brother stunned completely at the even thought little but major interaction from the towns two most social awkward people .

" it a start" the younger miller chuckled to himself wondering where this was heading but boy was he excited to see it unfold because it a start of something .

Part two

[chronicallyonlinewriter]

Stand On the Rock.

And don’t tell me no!

I have given you so many snips at this point that you've read most of what I've written, haha. Stand on the Rock is a slice-of-life one-shot that takes place in my People Still Listen to Fleetwood Mac in the Apocalypse series. I gave Tommy and Maria three kids in that universe (one biological child, and two older children they eventually adopt) but those stories aren't really about them, so I never really got to flesh them out the way I wanted. The story really ended up growing as I got into it, so we actually get a glimpse of how Tommy and Maria begin seeing each other, and then fast-forward into them trying to deal with the fact that the children in their house now outnumber them. Have a tiny snip:

“One dance – then I’ll fuck off,” Tommy promised, covertly wiping his palms against his jeans and then extending a hand out to her. Maria didn’t reply for a solid few seconds, and it was an eerie thing to be on the receiving end of such an intense gaze. The weight of her stare pinned him into place, a laser that felt likely to bore right through him – but she took his hand anyway; lightly, hesitantly, as though she was afraid she was condoning something wicked if she at all squeezed his fingers or showed any enthusiasm whatsoever about what she was currently instructing her body to do. 

“That a promise?” she asked, and he snorted, drawing her a little closer, taking a chance to slip his arm around her waist – and this resulted in a rather withering look, certainly, but after a quick scan around the room confirmed many other dance partners in similar poses, she seemed to relax a little, the tension slowly seeping out of her shoulders. She settled into his hold, if not with enthusiasm then at least with a grudging acceptance.

“I’ll getcha it in writing,” he said with a nod, and she choked back a laugh. For a wonderful few moments, she allowed him to lead her; they swayed with the crowd, following the melody of a vaguely familiar country ballad that Tommy thought he’d last heard in an Austin dive bar, but wasn’t entirely sure. And it was easy – easy to lead, to keep his arm wrapped around her waist, to try to pretend as though he’d ever been this nervous at any point in his life that did not involve him aiming a gun at someone. “So,” he said finally, slowly turning on the spot, apparently determined to immediately ruin this, “Jay, huh?”

“Oh, here we go,” she sighed. 

“Nice guy,” he said, “but don’t you think he might be a little…I dunno…young, for you?”

“Is this how you flirt?” Her voice held an edge to it – he grinned anyway. “By telling women they’re too old for their dance partners?”

“Nothin’ to do with you,” he reasoned, and he took a step back from her, quickly, lifting her arm – and though she was surprised by it, she followed his lead, allowing him to spin her. When they came back together, it was with a laugh that she tried and failed to hide. “Just him. Don’t get me wrong – Jay’s a nice fella. Real nice – but, do I really gotta say it?”

“Say what?” she asked coolly.

“C’mon, now,” Tommy huffed, “you know what I mean. That one – he’s a boy. You don’t need that. You need –”

“So help me,” she warned, rolling her eyes to the ceiling, “if you finish that sentence with ‘a man,’ I’m leaving.”

[mariatesstruther]

just a reminder yall that buying the tlou 2 remaster is supporting neil, which is supporting israel and its genocide against palestinians!

i love the tlou world as much as anyone else, but financially diverting away from anyone/thing/company supporting israel is one of the simplest and easiest ways palestinians have asked us to help. i hope we all consider boycotting the remaster and pirating s2

[pearlessance]

32:1 - Idle Threats [x]

Series Summary — Joel has watch duty with Jackson’s twenty-year old, smart-mouthed brat and gets more than he bargained for.

Chapter Summary — Joel builds the heaven you've granted him.

Pairing — Joel Miller/Reader

Warnings — Explicit sexual content MDNI, brat taming, age gap(32yrs), mean!Joel, religious imagery and symbolism, catholic guilt, reader has added backstory to progress the plot, themes of forgiveness

SERIES MASTERLIST

[cross posted to AO3]

Blessed is he whose disobedience is forgiven.

Ellie stays at the farmhouse for the first couple of weeks and Joel’s grateful for it. The two of you get along so well that he can even hear you both laughing in the front yard from the bedrooms upstairs. And Joel knows you need it; the laughter, the company, the distraction. 

Because every night, he holds you in the bed you’d taken from Jackson and lets you cry into his shoulder over your loss. 

Maria’s decided to let the both of you come and go from the commune as you please, but she refuses to say a single word to you. It’s her who gives the silent treatment, now. And although you’re aware the traumatic bond the two of you formed is better off severed, Joel knows it must hurt regardless.

“She was all I had for such a long time,” you whisper into his shoulder on the fourth night. “I know it’s for the best but I…I miss her is all.” 

Joel helps you through it as best as he can. He listens to you whenever you’re ready and willing to speak, and remains patient with you when you grow angry and lash out at him over small things that don’t truly matter. 

“It’s okay to miss her,” he says gently. “But I’ll never let her hurt you again. I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again, little girl.”

You and Ellie get the front porch fixed up and find a set of old, rickety rocking chairs in the attic in the barn. Ellie paints a meadow of lavender on the freshly painted white siding. She’s showing Joel all the small details, the stems that alternate between the colors of jade and emerald, telling him how she’d painted it first in blue to set the undertone when a familiar truck pulls up the long driveway with a trailer hitched to the back. 

Tommy is a welcome sight, in truth. Because the house needs a lot of work and his brother’s hands will cut the time in half. But, more importantly, his presence will cut Joel’s stress in half, too.

Still, he catches the way you look at the passenger side of the truck with hopeful eyes and watches your face fall when you notice it’s empty.

Tommy hugs you and Ellie and lets out a deep sigh when he wraps his arms around Joel’s shoulders and claps him on the back. “Good to see you, brother,” he says. And it is. “Brought y’all some things. Come take a look.”

The trailer is packed full and so is the back of his truck. You and Ellie tear into its contents, giggling all the while. Most of it came from the white house on the corner in Jackon, Joel knows. Most of it’s yours.

Not much work gets done on the first day. Joel and Tommy work on carrying in the heavier stuff; the weathered, handmade dresser, the round mahogany table with matching chairs, and the box full of kitchen utensils and towels. Joel’s most excited about the generator, though. They bring it out back and vow to hook it up first thing tomorrow morning.

The four of you split the two rabbits Joel caught in his snares and you and Ellie throw strands of pasta at the wall to ‘check if it’s cooked,’ but Joel thinks it’s just for your own amusement because the both of you laugh maniacally every time it sticks to the wallpaper.

You eat together and laugh together and for the first time, Joel feels warm. He feels whole. Complete.

After you and Ellie both go to bed, it’s just Joel and his little brother sitting at the table. Tommy stares hard at the glass of iced tea in his hands and says, “I know it’s, uh…I know it’s just a short drive, an’ Ellie’s got the guest room but is it cool if I crash on the couch for a while?”

It feels like old times. Feels like before. Joel knows there’s something left unsaid in Tommy’s words but thinks he might already know. It’s not his place to force the words out of him, though. So Joel just nods and says, “You’re always welcome to it. You know that.”

“Maria an’ I…we talked. She, uh…told me what happened. Told me the full truth. About what he…what he did to…”

“You see now, don’t you? Why I couldn't let it go on? Why I couldn’t let Maria look at her like that? She didn’t do anything wrong, Tommy. Compared to what we’ve done…she’s innocent.”

An innocent little girl who’s only ever harmed those who’ve harmed her first. Self-defense isn’t malice. It’s not rage or wrath. It’s a learned trait, a taught skill.

Tommy nods slowly and takes a sip from his glass. “I, uhm…need a place to crash for a few days. Some space.”

“Like I said, you’re always welcome here.”

When he crawls into bed that night, Joel holds you extra tightly. Because the moment he snakes his arms around your waist and you turn to face him, your eyes well up with tears as you say, “She’s only sending him with my stuff, Joel. She’s trying to erase me like I never mattered.”

He didn’t see it at first and is a little surprised to admit it. But hearing the words come from your mouth clears the fog in his brain because you’re right. Joel can see the subtle stroke of manipulation when he imagines that house in Jackson you lived in for so long, sitting empty. 

There’s nothing he can do but hold you and let you cry and promise it will be okay, so he does. He tells you he’s here with you, reminds you that you’re a person and not some mistake made on paper, reminds you you’re not erasable. But when your breath evens out and you fall asleep, Joel leaves the bed to open the window for some fresh air to soothe the anger that rises up in him. 

Still, even miles away, even after this big, impactful change of life, Maria has still managed to hurt you in a fresh way. Joel knows he can’t protect you from everything. Knows that being hurt is inevitable, but he wishes so badly that he could take it all on for you. Shoulder the burden to ease your strain.

He’s only just begun creating this life with you and already he begins to wonder if he’s failing. If he’s already failed.

Joel hears your bare feet pad across the creaky wooden floor seconds before he feels the palm of your hand against his spine. You slide your fingers gently beneath his t-shirt and the touch grounds him, brings him back, reminds him he’s doing what he can and that it’s enough. Reminds him that no matter where he goes or what he does, you’re with him. 

His.

You press your cheek to his shoulder and he turns to pull you in close. When you tilt your head back to look up at him, he knows what you’re asking for, knows what you want. He presses his mouth to yours and thinks you taste like sleep and sunshine and solace.

He finds his own sort of peace in your body, in the way you wrap your legs around his waist to pull him in deeper, in the way you press your lips to his shoulder to quiet your moans. He tells you he loves you while he’s deep inside you and knows without a single doubt that you’re the one salvation he’ll ever be allowed but knows, too, the sin of taking you has been worth it.

When he finally falls asleep, it’s to the rhythm of your heartbeat. He can feel the steady thump, thump, thump through your sternum that’s pressed up against his ribcage. The vibration of your mercy, your clemency, your forgiveness reaches down to his bones. 

Tommy stays for seventeen days. 

They finish repainting the siding, fix up the plumbing and electrical, patch the holes in the drywall, repair the gate in the back yard, build a water system connected to the river in the woods, and start cleaning out the barn in preparation for livestock. 

You and Ellie make a run to an abandoned hardware store for gardening tools and return with an entire stockpile of seeds and rakes and hand-sized tillers. The two of you are mapping out the size of the garden when Tommy says to Joel in the back of the barn, “Been a long time since I’ve seen that look on your face, man.”

He knows exactly what he means but asks anyway. “What look?”

Joel follows his brother’s gaze that lands on you. He watches, in complete awe of you, as you throw your arm around Ellie’s shoulders and smear the dirt on your forehead against her cheek. She’s laughing and trying to push you away and all Joel can do is smile, feeling himself settle, feeling roots growing from his feet into the very ground he stands on.

Tommy shrugs and uses his shovel to lift more stale hay into the wheelbarrow. “Since I’ve seen you happy.”

At first, the urge arises in him to argue with his brother on this. But then he realizes that Tommy’s right—because Joel has never felt anything like this before. Never changed his course so dramatically to make room for someone else in it.

Not since Sarah was born. Not since he met Ellie.

He swallows and says with his eyes focused on the rake in his hands, “I see so much of myself in her at times. Angry at the world, at what it’s become. She might not remember things like they were before but she’s had to go through hard lessons like we all do and it’s made her do cruel things. Violent, even. That’s not the only thing she is, though. Never been the only thing she is.”

Tommy stares at his brother for several seconds without saying a word. And then he confesses, “Never thought she was in the wrong about it, y’know. About Thomas. But I wasn’t…uh, I wasn’t there. When it all happened, you know. Can’t say much about somethin’ I didn’t know much about. But with what I do know now, I can’t say I’d do anythin’ different. If it were…I mean, if it were our Sarah. If it were Ellie, you know?”

The sound of her name feels less like a knife these days. He finds instead it feels good to hear it, feels like remembering, like healing. And though Tommy doesn’t say the words directly, he understands what his brother’s trying to say. Knows Tommy, too, would kill the man who tried to harm an innocent little girl.

Joel thinks about those men in the warehouse. Thinks about what he would do if it were you in your sister’s place and knows he would’ve killed Thomas even slower than you had. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.”

Ellie returns to Jackson with Tommy a few days later. It’s a bittersweet moment, in truth. Because Joel knows she needs to do this, needs to get out on her own, become her own person now that she has someplace safe to do so. But he can’t deny the urge that rises up in him to ask her to stay.

He doesn’t, though. He lets her go, knowing she’s safe in Tommy’s hands, knowing she’s safe because Joel taught her to take care of herself. He has full faith in Ellie and he has full faith in the two of you.

There’s still a lot of work to be done. Seeds to plant, rooms to clean out, wiring to the generator, walls to paint and pictures to hang. The two of you settle into a routine.

Somehow, you’re always awake before Joel. And every morning he makes his way downstairs to find you sitting on the porch with a warm cup of tea in your hand and the sunlight casting shadows on your face. You always smile when you see him and stand to your feet to give him your chair. 

There are two of them, but only one ever gets truly used. You sit in Joel’s lap, and he holds you and the two of you talk about your plans for the day. You’ve been working tirelessly in the garden, hanging flowers and herbs to dry over the porch railing, making lists of canning supplies to pick up from Jackson or on your next run. Joel’s been repairing the barn, sawing down trees in the forest and rebuilding cracked beams to restabilize the structure.

On one morning in particular, you let him sip from your cup and say softly, “Thank you.”

He presses a kiss to your jaw and wraps his arms a little tighter around your waist. “For what, sweetheart?”

“This,” you reply. “For the home we’ve built. For…I don’t know. For you.”

“Me?” He doesn’t understand, but he tries to.

“Just for being who you are. For loving me still. Thank you.”

He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know that it’s ever been a choice for him. Joel thinks he’s loved you since the moment he’d first laid eyes on you, thinks it was always meant to be his fate to find you. “I always will,” he promises. And he means it.

When the barn is fixed Joel builds you a greenhouse. 

You’re more than happy to assist him when needed, and listen to him talk about this, that and the other. Once, without even realizing, he talks to you about how drywall is made and why it’s sometimes called gypsum board or sheetrock for an entire afternoon. You don’t complain, not even once, and he wonders why but then realizes he’d let you talk about anything under the sun for an entire afternoon, too. 

In June, Ellie and Tommy visit and they bring guests. In the back of the truck is Bonnie and her son Sam, as well as Greg, Mike who has a ziploc bag of coffee grounds,  and his wife, Stella, who carries a plate of strawberry scones. 

There’s also the addition of four lambs and six chickens. 

You greet and hug and thank everyone for coming but when you hug Ellie you let out this girlish giggle that brings him so much joy he thinks his chest may burst with it. The two of you bring the lambs and the chickens to the barn and Sam and Bonnie help you set out feed and fill a trough with water from the stream while Joel and Tommy start a bonfire in the backyard. 

Everyone gives the two of you updates on Jackson. They tell you about how Miley’s made a full recovery and Maria’s due within the next week. They tell you that Kelly and Abel are an item now and they like to flaunt it for all of Jackson to see, that the Tipsy Bison is getting an upgrade after Jesse had discovered a distillery on a run.

You and Joel both are showered in compliments about your new home. About the garden and the greenhouse and the barn. Mike and Joel talk for an hour about Joel’s newest project, inspecting the half-hollow body of an acoustic guitar.

Tommy and Greg leave the group for a short hunting trip and in the twenty minutes they’re gone manage to return with a deer. You roast venison over the bonfire and everyone eats standing with their plate balanced in one hand, talking and laughing.

Joel catches your eye in the cacophony, and for a moment you just stare at each other from across the yard with mirrored grins. You look so beautiful in your pretty sundress and bare feet. There’s a leaf suck in your hair and venison grease on your fingers and Joel fights the urge to kick everyone out early so he can lick you clean.

He loves you more than he’s loved anything in all his life, and it’s this precise moment where he thinks maybe there is no such thing as acceptance into heaven. Maybe the devil and his pretty, perfect Judas possessed enough love for one another to create it on their own with greasy, calloused hands and broken hearts. Maybe he’s been wrong this whole time and he’s never been cursed, never been punished for his sins. 

Because how can he stand here in this home he shares with you, surrounded by the people he loves, feeling the presence of those he’s lost in the wind, and say he’s cursed?

Joel Miller feels like the most blessed man on the face of the planet.

Just before dark, they all pile back into Tommy’s truck with full bellies and smiles on their faces. 

And the minute they’re down the long drive way and the lambs are safely in the barn, Joel’s hands are slipping beneath your dress. He squeezes the soft flesh of your thigh and you giggle into his mouth, kissing him deep, letting him invade your body, your mind, your soul. 

He lifts you into his arms with the intent to take you to bed but then you wrap your legs around his waist and rut your hips against him. Pretty, desperate little girl wants him just as bad and who is he to deny you?

Joel lays you down in the grass, pulls your panties to the side, and takes you right there beneath the summer sun. He pushes your legs up to your chest and holds your knees apart, watching himself disappear inside of you, encouraged by the sweet moans you make.

“Gonna take real good care of you, little girl,” he says, circling your clit with his thumb. And he means it now and forever. No more silent vows, no more internal battles—you’ve become everything. “Always gonna take care of you. Keep you real safe, baby. Make you feel real good.”

Your pussy constricts around him as your orgasm feathers through you and he follows you off the edge at the sound of the words I love you in your mouth.

When he pulls out of you, Joel uses his fingers and pushes his spend back inside. And even though he knows it’s impossible, for the first time in the last thirty years he wishes it would take. Wishes he could get you pregnant, wants to see you barefoot in the garden with a belly rounded with his baby.

But it’s impossible and he knows it. This is enough, though. The two of you and a couple of lambs.

Even though your thighs shake, Joel fucks you with his fingers until you’re writhing again before he helps you to your feet and heats up water for a bath to get you clean. 

Joel finishes constructing his guitar. He plays the chords to Stairway to Heaven from the backyard and can see you begin to sway in the kitchen through the screen door. He plays a little louder and swears he can hear you humming the lyrics and the elation hits him like a fucking freight train. 

Because when he’d first met you, you’d been callous and rude and brash. You’d lashed out at him and Maria and Tommy and anyone else who stood in your way. You’d bitten off every hand that tried to feed you because those that tried had never tried again after feeling the sharpness of your teeth. 

But Joel had. He tried a hundred times and still kept coming back for more.

And now you stand in the kitchen you built together, swaying your hips while canning the vegetables from the garden you watered to feed your family through winter. The sun is shining and he’s playing his guitar and you’re singing.

It took blood and guts and tears, it took a war to get here, to find peace, but you did. Fought tooth and nail for it, bled and lost and died for it.

Joel had done all he could but it was you who held the cards, who had all the strength. Not him.

And you’re singing.

Joel’s eyes fill with tears before the song’s over and when he goes to sleep that night he finds he can breathe a little easier. 

He learns that Stairway to Heaven is your favorite song because you ask him to play it all the time. Joel never gets tired of it. 

On the first day of August, Tommy comes to visit. You come rushing out of the front door, excited for Ellie to see how big the lambs have grown. Only, this time, Ellie isn’t sitting in the passenger seat. But Maria is and she’s holding a bundle of blankets close to her chest. 

You freeze on the last step of the front porch and Joel stands from his chair, on the defense before the truck is even in park. 

When Maria sees you for the first time in months, her face falls and she begins to weep.

No word is said, but you’re suddenly running through the tall grass in the yard and you’re throwing your arms around her and her new baby, an immediate exoneration that Joel’s not sure he trusts.

It’s a girl. They name her Olive. “Like that olive tree in the bible mama always used to talk about. It means forgiveness,” Tommy says.

You’re infatuated immediately. Olive’s a smiley baby, just like Sarah was. She doesn’t cry even once while they visit, while you give Maria a full tour of every room in the house and of the garden and the greenhouse and the barn.

“She’s been wanting to come for a while,” he tells Joel. “Just wasn’t sure what to say or how to say it. It’s been real hard on her since you guys left. I didn’t wanna say anything, cause, well…you know.”

He does know. Tommy didn’t say anything because Joel had no interest in hearing it. No sympathy at all. “Look, I’m…I’m real glad they’re getting to see each other. Even happier to see my niece. An’ you know that Tommy, but…they can’t ever go back. Not to the way things used to be. I won’t allow it.”

Tommy’s eyes soften. “I know that. Maria knows it, too. I’ll admit, I wasn’t always the loudest advocate for you two but I’m glad things worked out the way they did. Glad she’s got you. Glad you’ve got her.”

Tommy takes his daughter from you with some convincing to give Joel a turn.

He cries when he holds her.

She’s so small, so soft and delicate in his arms. Olive reaches a hand up and tugs at the wiry hairs of his beard and he laughs until his stomach hurts. He bounces her in his arms and gently runs the pad of his index finger down the bridge of her tiny nose.

“We should talk,” Maria says after some time.

Tommy takes Olive from Joel’s arms. “I’ll, uh…give you guys a minute.”

Maria sits on one side of the table and you and Joel sit on the other. The tension is thick in the air, so much so he thinks he may be able to cut it with a knife. She clears her throat and opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

Joel wonders how hard an apology could be for something so horrific. If he were in her place, he thinks it would come easily. He knows his face is contorted into a scowl but he can’t bring himself to smooth it.

She tries again. This time, her voice is successful. She looks only to you and admits, “I want you to know that I have never blamed you for the loss of Sarah. I feel that is most important for me to say.”

His jaw ticks.

“It always felt like you did. I blamed myself enough already.” Your voice is so timid and mousy, such a stark contrast to the confidence he’s grown used to.

“I know, and I’m so, so sorry for it.”

A start, Joel thinks.

“I know I didn’t want to believe it at first,” she says. “About…about Thomas. I never would have imagined he’d ever be capable of such a thing, but I…looking back, I see there are things I’ve missed. And I hope you know that if you had just come to me before you…if you had—”

“Careful,” Joel says lowly.

You take his hand in yours beneath the table.

Maria swallows and straightens her spine. “I’m sorry,” she says again, tears welling in her eyes. “I was angry, hurt. My entire world had imploded and then to lose Sarah, too, I couldn’t…” She shakes her head. “I needed you after losing them both. But I was furious with you for not trusting me enough to believe you.”

“You didn’t believe it,” Joel states. “And you made her out to be some sort of villain in front of everyone. Being angry is not an excuse.”

“I know,” she says. “You’re right. And I admit, sending you out on these runs was selfish and horrible. I know it. But I do love you like a daughter. I love you as much as I ever loved Sarah, more, even because of the loss we share. Your absence has been…catastrophic. Please, I…I know I can never take back the things I’ve done but I would like to work towards something. If you’ll let me.”

“I didn’t deserve what you did to me. The burden you put on my shoulders,” you say. The confidence has returned to your voice, the surety. It puts Joel at ease to hear it.

“No,” Maria says. “You’re right. You didn’t.”

“But she would hate us for this.” Your hand trembles in his. You reach your other hand out and lay it on the tabletop, palm up and open. “I have to cut some vegetables for dinner tonight. Would you like to help?”

Maria takes your hand and a tear slides down her cheek.

You turn to Joel then, and ask, “Can you and Tommy bring in some rosemary and thyme from the greenhouse? I’d like a second alone with Maria if that’s okay.”

He doesn’t trust it. Not at first. Because without him at your side to mediate, to keep you safe from the harsh things Maria has proven herself capable of saying, who will protect you from her manipulation?

But then you squeeze his hand in yours and Joel reminds himself that he has faith. Faith in you, in what the two of you have built. He knows you’re capable of fending for yourself. And, more than that, he knows should you falter, he’ll be wherever you fall to pick you back up.

Should you forgive her, he’ll be at your side. And should you decide to keep your distance, he’ll be there just as well.

He finds Tommy and Olive near the barn. The two of them talk over how the conversation went and Joel admits he’s weary of the truce the two of you’ve come to. He holds Olive while Tommy picks a handful of herbs.

When they return to the house, Maria takes the infant from Joel’s arms and says softly, “Thank you. For making me see the error of my ways. For being for her what I never could be.”

It’s going to take time for him. You might be able to forgive her after a long talk and some time away, but Joel isn’t so easily swayed. 

And he thinks Maria knows it because as they’re leaving to return to Jackson that night she nods and says, “I’m really sorry, Joel. To you as much as to her. I’m going to try and make this right. For what it’s worth, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy.”

He looks at you as Tommy holds you in a tight embrace, at the way the two of you have such an ease with one another. He looks at Olive and the way she stares up at her mother as if she put the stars in the sky. “It’s not me you’ve gotta make it right for,” he tells her.

“I know. I’m going to do everything I can to prove it,” she says. “You’ve built a beautiful home here.”

When they leave, you melt in Joel’s arms and he carries you to bed and rubs your back as you cry.

But Maria keeps her word. She brings Ellie and Olive to the farm twice a week every week. Sometimes they bring trinkets or gifts or supplies from Jackson, other times they leave with vegetables from the garden or fresh baked bread. She never raises her voice at you, never asks anything of you other than, how can I help? Tommy becomes Jackson’s most frequent runner, but he oftentimes will stop out to see the two of you before he goes anywhere and the farm is his first stop on the way back. 

It takes time, takes a bit more watering and sunlight, but eventually trust begins to take root.

A snowstorm hits in December. It takes out the generator, leaving the farmhouse dark for most hours of the day. Joel tries to fix it but after a few hours in the cold, you tell him to come back inside, that in a few days you’ll take a trip to Jackson to get tools to repair it. 

You make the most of the darkness. You light a fire in the hearth and sleep on the living room floor. You play rummy a hundred times and Joel lets you cheat for every game just to see the smile on your face when you beat him. He teaches you how to play poker and you use walnuts as chips.

He discovers you have the best poker face he’s ever seen. And when he’s backed into a corner, unsure whether to fold or to put in all his walnuts, Joel gives up and throws his cards down, and crawls to you instead. He pushes you back against the mass of blankets and pillows brought down from the bedroom, forces your legs apart, and devours you. He licks and sucks at your clit until you’re crying out for him. Until you’re crying out for God.

He doesn’t know why he chooses this moment, but he does. 

“I want to marry you,” he says with his head between your thighs.

“What? What are you…?”

With his mouth pressed to the inside of your thigh, he says it again. “I wanna marry you, little girl.”

You prop yourself up on your elbows, brows furrowed in confusion. “Are you kidding?”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. He leans back down and runs his tongue through your wet heat, delighting in the way you shiver and shake with just a single touch. “Want to give you everything.”

“You’ve already given me everything,” you say. Your hands tangle in the roots of his hair. “This is everything. You are everything, Joel.”

He slides his finger into you with ease. You’re dripping for him, slick coating his knuckles and spilling out of you and onto the blankets. “Wanna give you my last name, too,” he says. “Want you to be my little girl forever.”

“I already am,” you say, and it sounds like a promise.

The words make him groan against your skin. I already am. Of course you are. You’ve always been. 

Joel makes you finish on his mouth one more time before crawling up to you and pulling you close. Before he has a chance to lay his head down you’re asking through panting breaths, “Did you mean it?”

“‘Course I did.” He presses a kiss to your hairline that’s dotted with sweat. You stay silent for a moment, and Joel finds that it doesn’t frighten him. Whatever your answer may be he’s content with. Satisfied, happy. As long as he gets to hold you like this there’s nothing else he’d ever need. 

Still, he can’t deny the excitement that courses through him when you say, “Okay. We’ll go to the chapel when we get to Jackson.”

While you sleep, he carves two identical oak rings to perfectly fit on your ring fingers. He stains them black, seals the wood, and fries eggs for breakfast to present them with. He asks if you’d rather wait and put them on during the ceremony or if you want to do it now. 

“We should do it now, don’t you think? Just the two of us.” 

He puts yours on for you around a mouthful of scrambled eggs and a smile so wide it hurts his cheeks. When you place Joel’s ring on his finger, it doesn’t feel out of place or foreign on his hand. It feels like taking off an uncomfortable piece of clothing after wearing it all day, like kicking your feet up and laying your head back. It feels like coming home.

The moment is intimate and he knows he’ll always remember it, always hold the memory close. He finds himself missing it even while still living it, finds himself wanting to stay in this little happy bubble with you forever.

After breakfast, you’re readying yourself for the journey to Jackson. Bundling up in warm clothes, tightening boot laces, filling canteens. But then the front door is ripped open and on instinct, Joel grabs his rifle from the side of the bed. 

“Joel!”

Tommy’s voice is frantic. The both of you are at the bottom of the stairs in a second. 

His brother lets out a sigh of relief and doubles over with his hands on his knees. “Oh, thank God. I thought the storm might’ve taken out the farm.”

Joel doesn’t understand it at first. But when the three of you climb into Tommy’s truck and head to Jackson, he realizes just how fortunate you’d gotten. 

Less than a mile away, there are downed trees on every side of the street, thousand-year-old trunks severed in half. The abandoned buildings between the farm and the commune have been demolished, splintered into a thousand tiny pieces. 

Somehow, you’d been left untouched. The generator was the worst of it.

For the first time, he wonders just how safe you really are. He’d brought you to the farm, away from Jackson, to protect you. But there are things he can’t fight against. Beasts he has no business battling. He wonders if the two of you should abandon the home, the heaven you’ve created in order to ensure your safety.

You’ve gotten lucky twice now. He knows there won’t be a third time.

You reach through the space between the driver and passenger seats and grip Joel’s hand in yours. He can feel your ring press against the palm of his hand and it grounds him, pulls him out of his head. With your free hand, you hold the cross necklace you’ve never taken off since he’d given it to you in that church and say, “I know you don’t believe in God much anymore, but I think something has been looking out for us.”

At the chapel, Tommy stands beside Joel and Ellie stands beside you. Dina takes pictures on an old Polaroid camera. Half of Jackson sits in the pews and there’s so much joy and laughter in the day that Joel wonders if he deserves it. 

But then you look at him, slide your hand into his, and press your cheek to his shoulder. You say, “I love you,” as if it’s the simplest, easiest thing you’ve ever said. As if it’s second nature. You don’t fight it, don’t hesitate or second guess. You say it because it’s true. You, an innocent, love him.

Joel Miller thinks he might be worthy of forgiveness after all.

[part nine]

taglist; @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @elliesr1fle @pascaltesfaye

[masterlist]

[ellies-enrichment]

making joel look bad in front of uncle tommy smh