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#Tortured Poets
losewsswiftly · 2 days
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take the glory, give everything 🌷
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lanaswift999 · 2 days
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lezliebrooke · 1 day
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- ATTICUS
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hanakin-starwalker · 2 days
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Guilty As Sin? Live from Stockholm, night two.
If you listen closely, you can hear my screams and cries on my bedroom floor!!
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joytri · 1 month
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they're eyes are full of hope, just like you
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oldcardigan · 3 months
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all's fair in love and poetry.
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editfandom · 1 month
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THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT
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leilanihours · 8 days
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# IMGONNAGETYOUBACK
pairing: paige bueckers x ex-gf/iowa!reader
word count: 4880
warnings: suggestive content, arguing
summary: your "rivalry" with a certain uconn blonde has its speculation, but no one knows what happened behind the scenes
from lani: why is every single thing ive posted based off of a song..anyways..hope yall enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it
AS YOU SLIP into your black jersey, adrenaline courses through your veins. you and your teammates have successfully carried iowa to the final four of march madness. you've all come this far and refuse to break the streak.
but similar to your previous game against lsu, there's a lot of speculation surrounding the tension on the court with uconn. people are going crazy over the paige bueckers and caitlin clark face-off, but they’re going even crazier over your own heated interactions with the blonde.
the internet has decided to constantly pit you two against each other after observing your intense taunting and confrontations in previous years. they believe that it’s merely competitive tendencies but they have no idea where it all actually stems from.
you haven’t always been a hawkeye. for your first two years of college, you were a husky through and through. the public knows this, of course, which adds to the stigma around your name. but after a season-ending injury, you decided you needed a change of pace and environment. it was nothing personal against your teammates, coach, or school in general, you just felt like uconn wasn't where you were supposed to be.
so after you were in the transfer portal, everyone went ballistic. there was a plethora of reactions - some encouraging and supportive, others targeted and calling you a "traitor."
that's what the public is aware of. but they have yet to discover the deeper scars.
"you gonna lock in, y/n?" one of your teammates asks from behind you. turning around, you are met with caitlin, the other hawkeye under extremely close observation tonight.
"i gotchu," you smirk, "what about you? you gonna carry the team again?”
"you already know," she says, mirroring your expression. the two of you have gotten very close over the past couple years, which honestly makes the whole paige situation worse as people make comments like "caitlin and y/n versus paige is crazy" or "ready for this 2v1 game tonight!” they piss all three of you off but really just add to the hype and buildup of the game.
soon enough, your coach is ushering all the girls out of the locker room and onto the court. screams and cheers fill your ears as the crowd observes your entrance. and damn, if your ego wasn't high before, it definitely was now.
the two sides of the arena were filled, one side a sea of navy and white, the other a myriad of gold and black. music blasts from the speakers and makes the walls shake with energy. as you make your way over to the bench, you raise your arms repeatedly to get the crowd going. gaining an immediate reaction, you smile big and put your hand to your ear to play into the praise.
your teammates shake their heads at your antics. they know how competitive you can get. you tend to interact with the crowd and cameras a lot, but no one (especially fans at home) complains.
the crowd before you quiets down for a split second as you focus back onto what your coaches are saying in the huddle. suddenly you hear echoes of booing and other taunts as everyone turns around to see the uconn girls run out excitedly. the last one to come out is none other than paige bueckers, blonde hair in her signature braids and ponytail immediately catching your eye.
part of the reason people always compare you to her is because of how similar you are. your game style, skill set, and energy has always resembled the husky's, but you never understood it until she does the exact same hand motions you did but to the uconn supporters.
as she turns away from the crowd, her eyes dart around to find yours, doing so in a matter of seconds. her icy blue eyes sending a chill down your spine and she hold intense contact. fuck. she knows exactly what she's doing. 
you can tell from the few seconds your eyes are glued to hers that she still wants you. you just know. there's too much emotion behind the stare, saying everything that needs to be said and more.
coach bluder gives the run-down on defensive assignments quickly and explains some of the plays. somehow, by some force of nature, you're stuck guarding the one person you were conflicted with: number 5, paige bueckers.
your teammates all turn to you as soon as the words leave your coach's mouth. they are well aware of your special history with the blonde as well as your complicated relationship now.
"you got that, y/n?" caitlin asks you.
"yeah," you shrug, "you don't have to worry about me. i'm good." and you meant it. you were sick of being compared to paige all the time and were ready to show people who's better.
did you still care for the girl? of course; you always have and always will. but will you let that get in the way of your winning streak? hell no.
the referee beckons each team to the center of the court for the tip-off. hannah sets herself up for the jump ball, standing across from aaliyah edwards on uconn's side. 
you confidently walk over to where paige is standing. your eyes meet hers once again as you wordlessly dap her up, offering a civil front. you already know you'll being seeing the clip on your feed a lot tomorrow morning.
despite the cordial interaction, your mind is running wild at the feel of paige's long fingers brushing against yours. you missed her like crazy, but were also upset with her for multiple different reasons. right now you were enemies, opponents, rivals. but in a few hours after the game? well you would have to wait and see.
the ref throws the ball in the air and aaliyah manages to get her fingers on the ball first to swat in her teammates' directions. uconn almost immediately turns it over due to paige missing kk's pass as the ball goes out of bounds. it's just too easy.
------
the buzzer sounds loudly, signaling the end of the second quarter and halftime. you and your teammates jog to the locker room, sweaty and out of breath. the score was currently 32-26 with uconn in the lead.
you had to admit, that definitely wasn't your team's best first half but you were ready to come back twice as hard.
"c'mon guys," lisa yells, "we gotta seriously up our game right now and fight against their defense. keep giving them as many fouls as possible.
"caitlin, we're gonna try to give you more threes, so everyone else, if caitlin has the ball set those screens, got it?"
you all nod wordlessly as you pay attention to her words. your coach turns to you, looking you directly in the eye, her stare deadly.
"y/n, you gotta push bueckers more, don't direct all your focus on getting cait the ball. really use that energy that i know you have."
"yeah i hear you," you pant as you wipe your forehead with a towel. 
one of the coaching assistants hands you a waterbottle, so you immediately squeeze the ice cold water into your mouth without putting the nozzle on your lips. it's a habit that you have whenever you're in a rush or busy thinking about something.
"and one more thing, y/n," you hear your coach call you before you make your way back on the court, "please, for the love of god, leave your emotions out of it tonight."
the words shoot a prick in your chest, not expecting such a direct statement. nonetheless, you nod firmly, agreeing with her as you jog to where your team is lingering.
you may or may not have had a few...touchy altercations with a certain number 5.
like in the middle of the first quarter...
------
"bueckers with the lay-up, does she get it? no! it is rebounded by l/n!"
your hands grasp the ball tightly under the net but before you can make your way over to the opposite side of the court, another set of hands on the ball stops you.
you look up to see paige also grabbing the ball as it sits in your hands, starting to fight to get it in her possession. with the two of you pulling back and forth, the refs whistle blows to put an end to the quarrel.
however, you two continue to push until one of your teammates wraps their arms around you to pull you off. walking away, you laugh, energized by the interaction. you put your hands up in surrender as kate releases you from her grip.
you turn your head back around to see that paige has also been forcefully pulled away by one of her own teammates with a similar expression on her face, clearly as equally as fired up as you.
------
and the middle of the second quarter...
------
"THREEEEEEE! Y/N L/N!"
you flex your arms and let out a proud yell. it's your 4th score of the night and you feel amazing. your teammates clamor over to you, patting you on your back and bumping you with their chests.
paige failed to block your attempt, putting her arms up and jumping but not being able to reach the ball before it falls in the net.
seeing her tough front falter for a second, you point a finger to her just to spice up the game a little more and get the crowd really going. she shakes her head and chuckles darkly, waving you off with a hand.
"did you see that? bueckers and l/n back at it again with their supposed rivalry, what a dynamic duo, am i right?"
------
time flies rapidly as the clock runs down. it's the last quarter of the game and tensions are at an all time high. with less than 10 seconds left, iowa has the lead 71-69. it's way too close for comfort.
everyone's on edge. the announcers narrating the game for folks at home, coaches, benched teammates, the audience on either side of the court.
when uconn forces a turnover, you stand out of bounds waiting to pass the ball in. 1.1 on the clock. paige stands with her back to you. no one could've predicted your next move. 
you take advantage of her guard let down and quickly bounce the ball off of her, chopping the time in half as she fails to catch it in time and lets it out of bounds once again.
you feel a second of remorse once you catch the defeated look on her face. but you couldn't let the game slip out of your hands that easily. not without a fight.
less than one second on the clock, there's no way for uconn to win. caitlin passes the ball to gabbie who simply throws it high in the air to run down the clock.
the buzzer sounds as you and your teammates run into a group hug, screaming and cheering. you have a small celebration before going to the handshake line. as you pass and commend the uconn coaches and players, you allow your fingers to linger on paige's for a second longer than others.
when she meets your eyes there’s a look of hurt apparent in them, yours filled with guilt. you know how important that game was to her, to her entire collegiate career. but this game was also important to you, she had to know that.
------
your teammates insisted on celebrating at a nearby bar and restaurant, feeling high off the recent victory.
you were obviously down to go with them, but decided to take a little extra time in the locker room showers just to get some peace and quiet to yourself. you tell the girls that you'll catch up in your own car.
so now you're changing into a fresh set of clothes in a dim, empty locker room. some people might find the setting eerie but you enjoy the stillness of it all, especially after the day you've had. 
you’re wearing a basic white crop top and a muted purple skirt, a thick black leather jacket draped over your shoulders to protect yourself from the cold evening air. as you grab your backpack and make your way out to the gym’s parking lot, you spot a familiar figure wandering around aimlessly.
of fucking course i'm left here with her, you think.
you let out an irritated sigh as you continue to rub a small towel against your head to dry your hair.
the sound of your shoes against the pavement catches paige's attention and causes her to turn around. when she observes your relaxed, freshly showered figure, her chest tightens. whether it's from hatred or attraction, she doesn't know.
"hey," she yells to you, stalking over.
you look up to her direction and laugh, "you look like a lost puppy, bueckers."
"damn," she says, "first you decide to beat me and now you're insulting me and calling me by my last name? way to kick me when i'm down, y/n.”
you try not to display how flustered you feel when she says your name like that, “i didn't decide to beat you, i just did. deal with it."
"attitude much? i'm just tryna be civil, ma, no need for the hostility."
that fucking nickname.
"did you need something from me? i'm just tryna meet up with the team so spit it out."
"you heading to the bar?"
"yes," you say skeptically, "how the hell do you know that?"
"i'm heading there too, dumbass," she replies.
"what the hell are you talking about?"
"your team invited mine to hangout," of course they did, "is that a problem?"
"might be," you respond shortly, "so why are you here if the rest of your team is at the bar?"
"i could ask you the same question, l/n," she mocks the way you say her last name.
"i asked you first."
"eager to hear me talk i see." before you can reject the idea she interrupts you, “it’s okay, i know how much you love my voice."
she's not wrong, of course, but you would never admit it to her face. you ignore the question with a roll of your eyes.
"i took a longer shower than everyone else,” you shrug, “told 'em i'll just meet them there. your turn."
she laughs nervously before answering, “uh, i was supposed to get a ride from azzi but i guess she forgot," she says as she looks around the empty parking lot. now it's your turn to tease her.
"that's crazy," you laugh and shake your head, "your own friends don't even wanna be around you."
"man, shut up," she scoffs.
there's a beat of silence before you begin to walk to your car, getting the hint that the conversation was over.
you hear paige groan behind you before asking, "yo..do you think you could give me a ride?"
the nerve.
"excuse me?" you say incredulously as you unlock your car door and slip into the driver's seat. the blonde jogs up to your car, resting an arm on the frame of your door. you become hyper aware of how close you are, and how good she looks.
for the first time since you started talking to her, you take in her appearance. she's wearing a light blue cropped tank top, almost like a sports bra, and dark gray distressed jeans. there's a white uconn hoodie in her hands.
the amount of skin exposed makes your body heat up. the way her arms are flexed against your car makes you think back to the many times they've been flexed underneath your weight.
“can i. get. a ride.” she staggers out, like it’s painful to ask you for a favor. you take advantage of her position immediately.
“i dunno, can you?” you smirk.
“i fucking hate you, do you know that?”
“i dunno, do i?”
“dude.”
you throw your head forward in a laugh, shoulders shaking at her irritation.
“you’re so easy to piss off, i love it.”
“yeah well there’s a lot of other things about me that i know you love but we don’t have to talk about that.”
“do you want a ride or not?” you deadpan, “’cause if you’re gonna act like this all night i don’t want you at the bar, bro.”
“‘bro’? that’s what we’ve come to? that’s even worse than just bueckers, y/n.”
“just shut up and get in the car.”
“yes ma’am,” she says with a mock salute as she closes your door and jogs around the front of the car to the passenger seat.
as you turn on the engine, paige settles into the spot next to you and immediately reaches for the aux cord .
“um,” you pause, “what are you doing?”
“blessing you with my awesome music taste? what do you think i’m doing?”
“absolutely not,” you say, “my car, my rules.”
“um, no. the ‘rule’ is that the passenger chooses the playlist while the driver sets up the queue. we’ve been over this.”
“okay but,” you start carefully, “that was when we were together.”
silence.
“so do you want the ‘late night drives’ playlist or the ‘oldies but goodies’ playlist?”
“what?”
“you heard me.”
she brushes over your comment painfully fast. you had no idea why. you refuse to leave it at that.
“can you just put on our playlist?”
more silence. you gotta be kidding me.
“i don’t-“
“don’t even try, paige, i know you still have it.”
“but-“
“don’t fight me on this. all i want is to celebrate with my team and get a drink so can you please hurry up so we can go?”
“shit,” you hear her say under her breath, “yeah.” she pushes her hips forward as she gets comfortable in the seat.
your eyebrows furrow at the reaction. this girl is so fucking complicated. you weren’t sure if you wanted to curse her out or take her right there.
———
“y/n!! you made it!” jada squeals as you walk into the bar, “and…paige? wait. are you two back together??”
“hell no.”
“definitely not.”
you and paige turn to each other.
“oookayy..” jada trails as she pulls you away from the blonde in the direction of where your team was sat.
the girls cheer your name as you take a seat next to caitlin. you can tell they’ve already had at least 2 drinks each.
“hey,” caitlin says with a warm smile, “you got some catching up to do. let’s go get you a drink.”
she ushers you to the bar where you are able to sit and observe the environment. the venue is fairly dark, the ceiling lights dimmed to a warm hue with a few candles on each table. the stools at the bar were a cold metal that gave you goosebumps. all the table booths have dark brown leather couches one side and wooden chairs with intricate designs on the other.
“so,” caitlin starts after she’s ordered you a drink, lord knows what it was, “i saw you and paige walk in together. that mean anything?”
“please,” you scoff, “i’m done with her, cait, like seriously.” she stays silent, waiting for you to continue, “i mean, she’s so annoying and cocky and confusing, it’s exhausting - i hate her.”
“you sure about that?”
“yes.”
“then why do you still put up with her?”
“what do you mean?”
“i mean,” she says as the bartender delivers two of the same drink, one for you and one presumably for caitlin, “just stop talking to her. ignore her.”
you pause to think. “but she’s always the one starting these dumbass petty fights.”
“then don’t answer her?”
“i have to.”
“and why is that?” she eggs you on, sipping on her drink.
“because,” you sigh, “i can’t let her win.”
“or,” caitlin smirks as the two of you get up to head back to your table, “you still like being around her.”
“as if.”
“okay. tell me this then - why do you two still smile at each other like nothing has changed?”
“we almost never see them, cait.”
“no, i know but…i saw the way you looked at her today. and i saw the way you looked at her when we played them in sophomore year. you still like her, y/n.”
you two have returned to your seats with the rest of the team. you find yourself looking for a particular blonde (again) across the room. the uconn girls were sitting at a similar table to the one you were currently at, just on the other side of the bar.
to your relief, caitlin drops the conversation to engage in one with kate about the game. you quietly sip on your drink as you continue to stare at paige. she’s smiling - laughing - with azzi and aaliyah. you missed them. you missed her. you didn’t acknowledge it until now, until caitlin knocked some sense into you. you did enjoy being around her, mainly because it reminded you of how it was before you transferred to iowa. even though your conversations consist of constant jabs and insults, it was better than radio silence.
but you also hated it. you hated how you couldn’t be with her like you used to. you hated how you left. you hated how she treated you when you left. you hated how she acted like nothing happened. that’s why you have to win every time you’re up against her - literally and figuratively.
paige scored 4 three-pointers in a game? you score 5. paige got 6 rebounds? you got 7. paige had 8 assists? you had 9. it wasn’t just for yourself, it was for the media. with how they constantly have a magnifying glass on your life, you can’t jeopardize your career. so you have to be better than her.
your jaw clenches at the thought of the pressure, the expectation. you down the rest of your way too light cocktail and make your way back to the bar for a stronger drink.
“hey,” you say to the bartender, “can i get a sex on the beach, please?” he nods with a polite smile as he walks away to make your order.
“still rockin with those?” you hear an all-too-familiar voice say.
“if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” you mutter, not bothering to turn to her.
she scoffs. what is her problem now? you think.
“you’re so damn predictable,” she laughs, “it’s hilarious.”
“at least i’m reliable,” you retort, “when’s the last time you had any stability in your life?”
“when i was with you,” she says immediately.
that makes you turn your head. you are greeted with paige’s cold eyes and an unreadable expression.
“what are you doing, paige? what are we doing?” you sound exhausted.
“you tell me. i never got a good explanation when you…left.”
“i tried. you wouldn’t let me. didn’t think you wanted to hear from me after our last conversation.”
“don’t pin this on me,” she says pointedly, “you left me.”
“i didn’t have a choice, paige, you have to understand that.”
“but did you have to leave me? you know we could’ve worked it out.”
“could we have?”
she sighs. the conversation has elevated quickly. you didn’t expect her to open up like this now, to bring all of this up now. maybe it was the ambient atmosphere or the influential alcohol, or both. the man behind the bar sets your drink down on a small napkin in front of you, but you decide against going back to your table.
“so…” she says quietly, “have you been seeing anyone? i know how the fans like to twist shit, but is any of it true?”
“wouldn’t you like to know,” you laugh.
“hey, i’m just tryna gauge where you’re at right now. scope out the competition, you know how it is.”
“‘scope out the competition’?”
she shrugs.
“have you been seeing anyone?” “have you heard that i’m seeing anyone?”
god, this girl could not give a simple answer to save her life. but two can play that game.
“maybe i have. maybe i haven’t. and maybe i’ve seen you with a certain husky named azzi?” you have no clue where you got this idea knowing damn well that they’re nothing more than friends.
“and what if i am? you jealous, ma?” they’re nothing more than friends…right?
“hilarious.”
“that’s not a no.”
“no, it’s not..” you mumble under your breath, turning away from her to avoid her burning stare.
“good.” what the hell is this girl getting at? her avoidant yet suggestive responses set something off in you. “you never answered my question.”
“i am with someone,” you lie through your teeth, wanting to get a reaction out of her.
her breath hitches, “who?” her tone is targeted with a hint of…anger?
“why do you care? you’re with azzi right?”
“i never said that.”
“but you didn’t deny it,” you point out, using her own tactics.
“i am now. i’m not with her. so who are you with?”
“i don’t need to tell you anything.”
“so you’re not with anyone?” she laughs. this girl.
“i am.”
“then tell me.”
“no.”
“fine. be like that,” and suddenly she’s pulling you up from the barstool and into a poorly-lit hallway.
“where are we going?” you demand as you two turn a corner, the only light is the distant hue from the main part of the bar.
“we need to talk about this.”
“talk about what?”
“this,” she motions between the two of you as she pushes you against a wall, one strong arm preventing you from leaving.
“there’s nothing to talk about.”
“i’m not gonna let you keep dodging this, y/n. you left me to go to whole different state with no explanation whatsoever.”
“because you ghosted me first! what was i supposed to do?”
“we were supposed to work it out. remember? when we were teammates on and off the court?”
“you shut me out.”
“because, y/n,” she sighs deeply, “i knew i couldn’t handle it if i had to say goodbye to you. i would’ve-“ she stops herself.
“you would’ve what?”
after about 10 seconds of silence, she whispers, “i would’ve begged you not to go - not to leave me.”
your eyes shoot to hers, but she’s looking down at the floor. her head is almost resting against yours as you observe her adamant yet vulnerable state. you’ve never seen her like this.
from what you’ve seen online, paige seemed to have the time of her life after you transferred. you assumed that she moved on so easily, so quickly. you didn’t consider that it was all just a front.
“paige,”
“what?” she barely gets out, still avoiding your eyes.
“look at me,” she doesn’t, “please.”
her head flies up at that, “what?” she repeats.
you don’t know what to say, you just needed to see her - really see her. her eyes are filled with such clear emotion yet you can’t put your finger on what she was feeling. from her body language you can tell that she misses you. and as you realize you subconsciously put your own hand on her waist, you body is telling you that you miss her too. 
you contemplate your next move for a second, questioning if all of this is worth it. but she’s worth it. in the time you’ve spent apart from her, you grew and matured. you also realize that you need her like you need oxygen. you come to the conclusion that you always have, but it took distance and space to accept it.
not wanting to get too in your head, you smash your lips onto hers as your shoulders instantly relax. you feel paige pause but eventually melt into the kiss, moving her hands up to the nape of your neck. you bring your other hand up to her wrist, resting it there as you relish in the feeling of her lips finally against yours after almost two years. you guide her hand down to your thigh as you move to grasp her shoulders. she glides over your upper thing, riding up your lilac skirt.
she breaks the kiss for a moment, “i’ve always loved you in purple.”
before she can resume the heated kiss, you push against her and observe your surroundings. to your left is the open area you just came from, all your friends oblivious to your activities. all the way down to your right is a door leading out to the back lot and a closer door - presumably a supply closet.
you weigh out your options: do you want to stop the interaction completely, drag her into your car all the way outside, or simply shove her into the closet and have your way with her?
smirking up at her, you pull her into the closet as she laughs at your desperation but follows you nonetheless. 
yes, there were still broken pieces in your relationship. yes, you have always claimed to hate each other. but no, you weren’t leaving without her, even if you had to use handcuffs.
she was never not yours, and you were never not hers.
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jalattes · 30 days
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so tortured
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angeblancrose · 2 months
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alaskaisnothere · 23 days
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isn't it funny how life is wonderful and messy and hard like one day you are crying your eyes out because you feel lost and the next day you are packing your stuff ready to leave your worries behind and start a new chapter in a different country and then you find all these people who love and support you and you still feel lost and you still have no idea what your life is supposed to look like but you're enjoying pink sunset and book dates at the park and overpriced coffees and maybe you just have to enjoy the breeze without expecting a storm
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tortured-swiftie · 3 months
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Genuinely curious about our little community here. We got some newer swifties, older swifties new to tumblr, swifties whove been here 10+ years....outside of secret sessions:
Pls reblog 🫶🏻 it would mean a lot to me
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new-york-no-shoes · 3 months
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“April 19th is gonna be a wild night for us.” Woman is that a THREAT!?
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how-masterful · 1 month
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Broke: listening to TTPD and trying to figure out which of her boyfriends the song's about
Bespoke: listening to TTPD and trying to figure out which fictional character I can associate the songs with
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uglypastels · 1 month
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I'm having his baby
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No I'm not, but you should see your faces
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cottoncandywhispers · 3 months
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