#WHAT IF HE HAD THE SHREK ACCENT

[d10nyx]

HEY NOW, YOU'RE AN ALL-STAR - LEON S. KENNEDY

ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader

a/n: commission for the lovely @nexysworld :3 ft. my fave creation, shrekeon. you guys are in for a treat trust me x

cw: 18+ content, fluff, depictions of alcohol, drunk!leon, dressing up, costume sex, p in v, creampie, bad puns, laughing during sex, implied age gap, size difference + size kink

word count: 1.7k words

In hindsight, introducing your boyfriend to Shrek was definitely not in your top ten for stupid ideas. You'd told him it was a crime to be nearly forty without seeing the movie – and rightfully so. He was an old man at heart, barely having seen a movie past the nineties. You thought you were righting an injustice. Shrek was a movie for everyone, no matter their age. It held up, even years later. You were pretty sure everyone had seen this movie, but then again, your boyfriend could barely even work a smartphone, so you shouldn't be entirely surprised.

The only thing you hadn't quite anticipated how much he'd like it. Leon spent most of the movie cackling like a maniac. Whether that was from the half-bottle of whiskey he downed or the movie itself, you weren't sure. Either way, what was meant to be a light-hearted movie night led you to where you were now – tipsy and laughing at your boyfriend's Shrek getup in his bedroom at nearly midnight.

When you finally manage to catch your breath, you let your eyes trail over to the costume he had laid out on the bed for you. Sexy Farquaad. That alone is enough to send you into another fit of giggles, your brows raising as you look over at him.

“Leon? We are so breaking up.” Your hands lift up the red costume, your eyes flicking between Leon, then back at the outfit. You eye up the wig, barely managing to suppress a smile. Idiot. “Shouldn't I at least be Fiona?”

“Shut up.” He says between drunken giggles, adjusting the headband on his head so it sits properly, grinning at you as the green ears poke out through his hair. “You're smaller. Farquaad suits you, babe. You can pull anythin’ off.”

Your gaze flicks over to Leon as he adjusts the headband, and you can't help but snort out a laugh, letting your gaze trail his body to take in the whole outfit. Fake belly and everything. You don't even wanna know how much he paid for the costumes. Drunk Leon should not be allowed anywhere near a computer. His spending habits while intoxicated seemed to be getting worse and worse. “Jesus. There's no way you're not pulling my leg.”

“I'm being so serious. You don't wanna make me mad, baby, or it'll… it'll be ogre for you.”

Another laugh, and you reach up to playfully flick one of his ears, shaking your head. “I hate you. You're ridiculous.”

“You gotta give me love’s first kiss to get me back to Leon, baby. If you don't, I'm gonna be stuck like this.” He says with a grin, leaning towards you with his lips puckered. “Don't make me do the accent.”

“God. Please, not the accent.” You say between giggles, looping your arms around his neck to tug him closer, a stupid smile gracing your features. “I'll do anything you want, just please, not the accent.”

“Anything, huh? You gonna put on that sexy ‘lil costume for me?” He murmurs, leaning forward to kiss you. His lips meet yours as he places his hands on your waist, tugging you closer to his body. His tongue brushes against your lower lip until you part them, but then he's pulling away from you.

“Leon? What… come on, babe.” You whine, leaning forward in an attempt to kiss him, but he's quick to place a finger against your chest to stop you from advancing further, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face.

“Not a chance, sweetheart. I didn't get all dressed up for you to take it easy. You want me to dive into that swamp of yours? Costume goes on.”

You shoot him a glare that can only be described as murderous, but all he does is grin wider, looking between the costume and you. With a dramatic sigh, you pick up the costume and make your way towards the bathroom with the plan of changing into it. When you return to the bedroom, Leon's lounging back casually on the bed with his arms behind his bed, still in the Shrek outfit. He lets out a low whistle, tilting his head to the side.

“Damn. You're looking shreksy, babe.”

“No.” You reply quickly, making your way over to the bed.

“Shrektacular?” 

“Absolutely not.”

“Work with me here, angel. I only have so many Shrek puns at my disposal, y'know?” He says cheekily, patting his lap. Another deep, irritated exhale leaves you as you settle, placing your palms firmly on his chest.

“Atta girl. Red might be your colour. Hottest evil little Lord I've ever seen.” He teases, his hands coming up to adjust the hat resting atop your head. He lets out a soft giggle once more, his eyes trailing down your body. His hands reach up to thread through your hair, and then he's pulling you into another kiss.

It doesn't take you long to get into it, the taste of whiskey filling your mouth as his tongue sloppily meets yours as he licks into your mouth. He pulls you closer so you're pressed flush against him, his hips rocking up against you. He slowly starts to harden, his hands grasping your hips to make you grind down against him.

Your little moans are swallowed by his mouth as he kisses you hungrily, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip. He reaches between your legs, grabbing the fabric of the costume and tearing it open, just enough for him to be able to slip a few fingers past the cloth to gather your wetness before circling your sensitive nub.

He pulls away from the kiss to catch his breath, pulling his hand away to pull the brown trousers down enough to free his cock. He gives it a few languid pumps before lining up with your entrance, sinking into your tight heat with a low groan of pleasure.

“Thought you weren't into this, baby? ‘Cause you acted like it, but you're soaking me already, and I haven't even started fucking you yet.” He breathes out, his brows furrowing as he leisurely starts to thrust up into you.

All you can manage is a low whine, your hands grasping the brown vest of his costume, your head hanging as you feel his cock rub against your sweet spot, the hat falling off your head and dropping on the bed next to the both of you. “Leon… shut… shut up.”

“Aww, sweetheart. You don't like it when a big, strong ogre explores all your… fuck… layers?” He huffs out, his voice coming out a little breathless as he grabs your waist. His large hands grip you easily, using his strength to drag you up and down on his cock, controlling the pace of each of your movements.

You let out an annoyed whine, your eyes squeezing shut as you bounce your hips against his, trying to focus on the familiar feeling of your boyfriend's cock filling you up. You feel him shaking slightly, and you crack your eyes open only to see the asshole is trying to suppress another fit of laughter at your reaction.

“You are such a dick.” You grunt, grinding his cock deep inside of you until you hear Leon gasp and moan, the smirk instantly getting wiped from his face. You smile in triumph, but it's short-lived as he finds yet another pun to annoy you with.

“Better in you than out - that's what I always say.” Your hips falter as you groan, and Leon uses that as an opportunity to flip both of you over, hooking your ankles over his shoulders so he can pound you into the mattress. The cushion of the fake stomach smacks against your thighs with every thrust, and Leon's fake ears become skewed as he throws his head back in pleasure.

He seems to forget all about feeding you shitty puns as he buries himself to the hilt with every thrust, the new position allowing him to kiss your cervix every time he pushes forward. He can barely think with your cunt sucking him in, drenching him with your arousal. All you can do is whimper as he pistons into you, your body jerking up with the strength of his movements. Your hands come up to grip his shoulders, your nails digging into the fabric of the white shirt he's wearing.

“Leon… m'close…” You breathe out, your back arching off the bed. He lets out a deep moan in response, pressing his hips flush against your ass so he can grind his pelvis against your clit, giving you the extra simulation needed to push you over the edge. You cry out his name as you cum, your walls clenching down around his length. 

Leon pulls back slightly to thrust shallowly into you a few more times before he follows behind you, his release making his thighs tremble slightly. He shoots thick white ropes of cum deep into your tight walls, his breaths coming out in short gasps. He collapses against you after a moment, his cock softening inside of you before he pulls out, tucking you against his side.

“This costume is making me sweat.” He grunts after a few moments of cuddling up to you, pressing his lips to your forehead before standing up, his joints cracking as he stretches. He holds out a hand towards you, giving you a slightly sleepy smile. 

“C'mon, my little all-star. Let's get you in the bath. Maybe we can cuddle up after, and you can show me Shrek 2 tonight?” At the sight of you face palming, he lets out a loud chuckle, slipping his arms under your body so he can cradle you against his chest, carrying you over to the bathroom.

“C'mon, baby. I promise not to dress up as Shrek again. Maybe next time I'll be real nice and get that prince's costume.” He teases, pressing another kiss to your forehead. You pull your hands away from your face to glare at him, and he gives you a grin that you know means trouble. “Just kidding, sweetheart.”

You both know he isn't.

[luceafarul-de-dimineata]

Showing whb characters animated movies

You were in Paradise Lost because you ~acidently~ burned your hand and needed to be seen by your boyfriend Gamigin. Why you were there you asked him to watch a movie from the human world with you to pass the time. You and Gamigin had to put your collective knowledge together to figure out how to connect the phone to the old ass TV they have in Paradise Lost (those small shitty TVs they have in hospitals)

When you put on "How to train your dragon", Gamigin has his mouth wide open looking at the screen. He adores the movie and makes you both reenact his favourite scenes of Hiccup and Toothless. He would become so autistic about the whole franchise and you won't hear the end of it. Marbas and Buer probably give you the cold sholder for making Gamigin "more annoying than he already was" as they put it.

It becomes tradition between you two to watch the trilogy at least once a week (though he always tells you how much better the shows were). Bonus: He has Romantic Flight as his ringtone for you.

Watching Shrek with Beelzebub was an experience. He once shot you a message asking what the most influential film in the human world was and you said Shrek, parly ironically. Next thing you know, you're in one of the countries in Hell watching Shrek with Beelzebub. You two were laughing through the whole thing, partly because of the movie, partly because of your comments about it. He probably starts imitating Shrek's accent in the worst scenarios possible. Once yelled at an angel "Stay out of my swamp!" even though he was on the streets of Tartaros (Mammon at least found it funny).

After you beg Leviathan for 2 days, he finally caves in and watches the My Little Pony Movie with you. He would never in a million years admit that he enjoyed it, but you can still hear him humming some of the songs in it. Surprisingly, he'll let you talk about it, mostly because he likes your voice, but also because he thinks your analysis of it is interesting. Maybe if you're not a threat to Hell and you stop giving Foras headpats, he'll show you a real unicorn one day. If you call him Pricess Twilight Sparkle he'll hang you with no hesitation, though his glare is much more likely to kill you than the rope.

You were back in Paradise Lost, bored out of your mind when Morax comes to you with what you think is a smile on his face. He hands you the DVD for "Beauty and the Beast" and explains how Bathin had gifted it to him before he moved to Nifleim. He asks if you're interested in watching it together to cure your boredom (haha). It was a pleasant watch and by the end Morax was in tears. You cuddled while he just recapped the movie to you while sniffling. "A-and she still love him because h-he was beautiful on the inside".

You find out that Morax never watched a movie before because he was constantly busy, so it must have been a moving experience for him. He will 100% say that you're the beauty and he's the beast unironically because this man's irony part of the brain got surgecally removed at birth.

[starsstuddedsky]

Slice of Love

Haechan x reader

summary: birthday cake and boyfriend material

genre: fluff, non idol au, not really angst but haechan is so dramatic

warnings: swearing, food/dessert, i dont know anything about art, pls lmk if i missed any

wc: 1.8k (who is she???)

a/n: finally wrote something short and sweet :) it's been so long since i've done that lol. this is heavily inspired by 7dream cafe cake-making and my full belief that none of these boys should be unsupervised in the kitchen. thank you to @chocolatemilk139 for being my beta as always <3 (even though you didnt edit anything smh)

It’s not horrendous.

Donghyuck stares at the cake in front of him. The process started well: he made the tester cake last week week that the council (also known as his friends) approved with generous support (“wait, what’s actually kind of good,” from Jeno, “it’s edible,” from Renjun, “the hint of orange really sells it,” from Jaemin, “it’s not burnt so it’s already better than anything I could make,” from Mark, “you didn’t buy this?” from Chenle, and Jisung, who just stared at him with wide eyes). 

No, the problem isn’t the batter. He slaved over it all last night and chose the two cakes that rose most evenly in the oven. Everything but his tears went into making them. 

“Wow,” Renjun says, leaning over the counter. “You fucked up.” 

Donghyuck smacks him, leaving a trail of lavender buttercream on the wool sweater. 

“Hey, that’s going to be a bitch to get out!” Renjun cries. 

“Cry me a river,” Donghyuck says, “which is a good song, but also, you deserve it. It’s not that bad.” 

Renjun raises his eyebrows but Donghyuck raises a spoonful of extra frosting. Renjun backs off. 

Despite his strong defense, Donghyuck fears Renjun may be right. Though the cake stands tall, crumbs mix in with the frosting on the sides. What was supposed to be an artistically plump edging around the base of the cake and around the top corner looks like it exploded out of the piping bag (because it did, popping the cap off several times). In his head, the center would be filled with flowers and hearts and all sorts of pretty shapes in all sorts of pastel colors—but by the time he got to the center, he’d fully given up on piping bags, meaning he had to get creative for the flowers. Instead of flowers, he made blobs of frosting pushed off a spoon. In some spots he accidentally mixed the colors together, a green one shade away from brown, not at all like the field in the pictures on his Pinterest board. 

Jeno appears next, wandering out of his room. He misses Renjun’s warning glare, though Donghyuck doesn’t. He steps right next to Donghyuck, tilting his head. “What is this supposed to be again?” 

“What do you think?” Donghyuck asks evenly. 

Oblivious or uncaring, Jeno pauses to ponder. “A really ugly version of Shrek’s swamp?” 

“Get out.” 

“Get out of ma’ swamp!” Jeno attempts a Scottish accent, authenticity as questionable as the flower field in Donghyuck’s cake. Jeno retreats with Renjun on the couch, dodging Donghyuck’s frosting spoon. It would be a waste of the delicacy on his stupid dri-fit t-shirt, which he wears even when he doesn’t work out. 

“It’ll be fine,” Jaemin says. “It’ll taste good, which is the important part.” He sits at the counter, the only one to offer moral support while Donghyuck decorated. But his attempts at comfort are in vain; Donghyuck doesn’t just want the cake to taste good, he wants it to taste perfect, to look perfect, for all of it to be perfect. It’s the least you deserve. 

Donghyuck ignores the banging on his door, letting one of the guys let Chenle and Jisung in (no one else would threaten to break down a metal door instead of waiting the five seconds it takes to unlock the door). 

“We come bearing food!” Chenle shouts, plastic bag singing in his hand as Jisung follows precariously carrying a stack of pizza boxes. Far more food than needed, but Donghyuck won’t skimp out on you. Chenle tosses his bag full of snacks on the table, crossing the room to see the ‘masterpiece’ Donghyuck spent the past week hyping up. 

“Dude, are you seriously going to give that to YN?” 

“Are you trying to get dumped?” Jisung asks. “Ow!” he cries when Chenle smacks him. 

“Your welcome,” he says, “though he sort of has a point, that looks like literal shit.” 

“Does it really?” Donghyuck pouts. 

Chenle points at one of the browner spots. “You’re telling me that’s not a piece of shit?” 

“They were supposed to be flowers.” 

Jaemin, Renjun, and Jisung manage to cover their laughs as coughs but Chenle and Jeno let out a bark of laughter. 

“Yeah, you’re screwed,” Chenle says, clapping him on his shoulder that sags even lower than his normal bad posture. “You could call Mark and get him to pick up a cake on his way.” 

“He’s bringing YN,” Donghyuck says glumly. “Besides, I already told YN that I would make it myself. I’m not going to be a failure and a liar.” 

“It’s really not that bad,” Jaemin says, ignoring the chorus of dissent from the rest of the guys. “It’ll taste good!” 

Donghyuck shrugs. He can’t explain it, at least not so that they can understand him. He knows perfection is a subjective definition that he’ll never be able to fulfill but he strives for it anyway. If it isn’t perfect then why would he do it at all? Even if it’s his first time attempting this level of artwork, he should at least be able to make something that looks okay, or recognizable. 

And you—you deserve more than a dry store-bought mess and more than a half-assed attempt at love. You’ve only been together for a couple months but he’s determined to prove himself. A birthday was the perfect opportunity, even when you’ve known him for years and spent plenty of birthdays with him. This was his chance to show you the boyfriend material he’s made of, except instead of black velvet or creamy silk, Donghyuck thinks this cake is the work of a neon yellow polyester shirt worth less than $2 at the thrift store. 

“Mark just texted that he just parked,” Jaemin announces. He glances at Donghyuck. “You ready?” 

Donghyuck glances at himself. His hands are covered in frosting that’s dried and crusted, spread up his arms. His Kiss the Chef apron protected his shirt and most of his pants from the damage, but the mess is the least of his concerns. There’s nothing he can do about the disaster (he’s given up calling it anything else) in front of him. Shrek’s Swamp or a toilet bowl, it’s definitely not a flower field and it’s definitely not what you deserve. But it’s all he’s got. 

The final punch hits with a gentle knock at the door. Donghyuck crosses the room to his doom, stepping past his silent friends who bow their heads in respect for the walking dead. He pulls open the door slowly. He sees your shoes first, white sneakers you spent three hours with a Sharpie decorating, full of hearts and stars and unmistakable flowers—daisies and chrysanthemums and lavender, more than he can name. 

You wear your favorite jeans, loose bootcut that tighten at the thighs, hugging you in all the right places. A loose shirt hangs from your shoulders, one of the bands you always play for him with lots of bass and visceral lyrics that romanticize suffering. A family of silver earrings dangle from your ears, and he recognizes each of your favorites, the miniature swords, sparkling star shaped studs, a curly twist of metal that wraps around the higher part of ear. You look perfect. 

Donghyuck has always loved the way you smile, a gentle turn of your lips, like the happiness belongs to only you. You lean forward, pressing a short kiss to his lips, a peck more than anything. Donghyuck stares at you, eyes wide. You gesture to his apron. “Just following the rules.” 

He smiles though it fades as soon as he sees the frosting–no, the evidence of his failures, spread down the black fabric. “Happy birthday,” he says, wishing he could put more heart into it. A tiny frown furrows in your brow but you don’t question him. 

He steps back to let you walk in, trailing behind you as the rest of the guys wish you happy birthday. Mark catches up easily, clapping a hand on his shoulder, whispering, “Jeno sent me a picture.” 

Renjun hugs you, which Donghyuck belatedly realizes he never did. 

“I brought the food,” Chenle announces. “Don’t go thanking anyone else for my efforts.” 

“Our,” Jisung corrects. “You barely even carried anything.” 

“That’s because I had to drive,” Chenle says, waving his hand. “And don’t even get me started on the pizzeria, you better appreciate every molecule because—”

“Thank you, Chenle,” you say. 

“Thank me,” Donghyuck says. “It was my detailed instructions that perfected absolutely everything about today, which reminds me, did Mark behave?” 

You turn back to face him, linking your fingers with his. “Yes, babe, he followed your script. He almost cried because the barista messed up the order and he didn’t want to be annoying but he said you said ‘if anything goes wrong, I’ll kill you,’ and meant it.” 

“And I did,” Donghyuck says. He nods at his best friend for his service. 

“Now.” You squeeze his fingertips. “Where’s this cake you’ve been so excited about.” 

Donghyuck doesn’t try to hide his face. There’s no use delaying the inevitable. He lets go of your hands, leading you to the crime scene to lay the final verdict (the judicial system of his brain is in need of some reformation). 

You reach the counter and freeze. A list of concert dates greets Donghyuck, your back facing him while you study the cake. There’s no name for the opposite of a masterpiece, no artist that wants their worst creation recorded in history. 

He inches closer to you, peeking at your face. He recognizes the expression, the narrowing of your eyes, the way you flatten your lips. He’s been to enough art shows and spent enough time with you studying for art history to know what you analyze art. 

“It’s not Van Gogh or Monet,” he says, “it’s not even that asshole guy who made the Bean.” 

“Mm,” you hum, “no, you’re not any of them.” 

“It’s an ugly cake,” he says, “I know. I tried, I really did, but apparently you actually do need a decade or two of experience to make a decent cake, which is totally unfair, like, I spent more time on it than my research project, and this only looks marginally better than that.” 

“It’s amazing,” you say, “reminiscent of the expressionist era.” 

“Really?” 

“No,” you say, turning to grin at him. “But you made it, so none of that matters. Maybe it doesn’t look like what you thought, but seriously.”  You rest a hand on his arm. “It’s perfect.” 

He meets your eyes, sees sincerity and not an ounce of teasing. No, it wasn’t what he wanted for you, but that doesn’t really matter. Perfection is subjective and to you it’s perfect—why did he ever think it wouldn’t be? 

He grins. “Perfect?” 

You step closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling him into a hug, ignoring the frosting that must be smearing across the band member’s faces. 

“Perfect.” 

a/n2: thank you for reading! as always, i appreciate any feedback :)

[zcorners120]

pt 2 of oscar x leclerc!sis ?? maybe with arthur’s reactions too 🫣

of course! <3

oscar piastri x leclerc!reader MASTERLIST

synopsis; you decide to go on a date despite your older brother's constant protectiveness.

warnings; sexual mentions

"This is unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable Y/N." He argues with you.

Charles had just finished his race, P1 as-well. Instead of going out and celebrating with his friends and team, he's here instead, scolding you like your Mother.

"Charles arrête de réagir de manière excessive, fais une vie et sors avec tes amis ou quelque chose comme ça." You spoke in your native tongue, the words flowing from your mouth before you got the chance to realise what you were saying. "Charles stop overreacting, get a life and go out with your friends or something."

As you finished your French rant, you heard the doorbell frantically start ringing, followed by deep French voices. You sighed as you realised it was Arthur and Enzo.

"Voyons ce que vos autres frères ont à dire à ce sujet, hein?" He tuts, waving his finger at you as he goes to open the door. "Let's see what your other brothers have to say about this eh?"

"You and Oscar Piastri? Ooh la la, I never knew he was into Fiona from Shrek." Arthur enters, his accent thick as he teases you.

You and Arthur had always had a playful nature to tease each other and play fight, and he was friends with Oscar, so you were hoping he would take it easy on you.

"Arthur do you seriously not care about this situation right now?" Charles waves his hands around, before placing them on his hips.

"Uhm, not really no. Oscar's a good guy." Arthur responds, taking a seat next to you on the sofa.

"Idiot.. Et toi Enzo?" He turns to the eldest brother, pleading with his eyes to try and make you not go on that date. "Idiot.. What about you Enzo?"

"Je m'en soucie évidemment, mais Oscar semble bon. Y/N a 20 ans maintenant et je ne veux pas voir ma petite sœur grandir seule." He spoke out, smiling at you. "I obviously care, but Oscar seems good. Y/N is 20 now, and I don't want to see my baby sister growing up alone."

"Haha! You're alone on this now." You laughed out at Charles, seeing him exhale in defeat.

"Don't worry, we'll break his legs if we need to, so you're not completely off the hook here." Enzo says sternly, making your face change from laughing to a straight face quickly.

After what you considered to be an FBI interrogation, you finally managed to escape the wrath of the Leclerc brothers. Settling down in front of your vanity, you started getting ready for the date.

Styling your hair perfectly, choosing some nice jewellery, popping some light makeup on, you had half an hour left to choose your outfit. A breakdown was teetering to happen, as you started to panic.

Oscar had mentioned he'd pick you up and take you to a cute café nearby, so you were lost on what to wear that was casual, but cute, but was suitable for a first date.

{outfit inspo link}, if you want to use it as a reference!

You finally decided on an outfit, spraying some of your signature Valentino perfume, you heard the door knock. Doing an awkward skip to get there in time, you open the door to be met with Oscar's eyes, and cheeky grin.

"Afternoon darling." His voice spoke out, deep and powerful as he gave you a small kiss on the cheek.

"Afternoon, I'm ready to go." You smile at him, locking the apartment door behind you.

"You look gorgeous by the way." He said lowly, taking a hold of your hand as you made your way to the elevator.

"Thank you, you also look quite handsome yourself." Your cheeks blushed a rosy colour, as the elevator dinged to signal your on reception's floor.

Pushing past the cameras and paparazzi surrounding Oscar's car and your apartment complex, it was stressful to say the least. All of the F3, F2, and F1 community are going to know about you and Oscar in at least 10 minutes when your outing gets publicised.

He holds the door open for you, gently shutting it behind you as he walks over to the driver's side. Making some polite small talk you were both finally cleared away from the crowd of people.

"I hope your fangirls don't get too mad at me." You laugh out, feeling as his large hand rests on your thigh.

"Not at all. I'm more worried about your brothers." He laughs, looking at you with a slight glint in his eyes.

"They shouldn't be a problem as long as you treat me well. I believe the phrase 'Break his legs.' was used." You replied, seeing the colour drain from his face as you crack into fits of laughter again.

Arriving at the Café, it was a popular yet overpriced spot in Monte-Carlo, known for it's drinks and pastries. As Oscar greets the staff, you look around at the décor of the establishment, it following a 1920's theme. As Oscar pulls you out of your day-dream by taking your hand into his.

"They have our table ready." He says calmly to you, as you nod and let him lead the way.

Pulling out your chair for you he can see that you're blushing, and blushing a lot. He reaches over to hold your hand, casually reading the menu as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

"You blush under my touch." He said, hushed as he continued looking down at the menu.

"Well, what can I say? I just love your hands." Your face turned beetroot red as you realised what you had said sounded unintentionally so dirty.

"Oh my gosh- I didn't mean it like tha-" You rushed, trying to save your composure.

"It's alright. I know what you really mean." He replied, looking up at you with a slight smirk, rubbing his thumb over your hand.

Let's just say his hands were definitely loved in more ways than one from then on.

[spilledquinoa]

as my sibling and I have a running quotes list, I would like to add some lines that I think would be pretty fun with Sephiroth, Angeal, Genesis, Zack, and Cloud. enjoy.

Sephiroth

"All I know is MAIL"

"Who made blood?" "yes"

"one (1) singular street fight"

"so basically it's China or cancer"

"you're walking inordinately slow" (probably Zack or somethin) "WELL YOU'RE WALKING BIG WORD FAST"

"I don't discriminate" (Genesis,most likely) "but I do"

"there's a mistake" "unacceptable" "...that was yours"

"it feels like my brain is being deep-fried in acetone"

"hey, how's it going?" "terrible, thanks for asking"

"I'm like a twelve year old with dementia"

Angeal

"I'm not going to shotgun a caprisun"

"that's enough please, stop beating me with a pineapple"

"where can I put my taco??" "in your pocket" "w h a t"

"I like feeding the geese on my own terms, don't want em quacking at me"

"They're turkeys, but not cute turkeys (troublemakers) like my kids. no, these are turkeys that might get shot for thanksgiving and I'm not sorry about it"

"GET BACK HERE GERALD"

"WHO WOULD SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, IN A SCOTTISH ACCENT, AT A FUNERAL?!"

"Mr Coach A, if you wan to be formal"

"...why are you pretending to smoke a pencil?"

"I'm not a priest, I had my chance"

"you can't make a worse drink if you only have water"

Genesis

"STOP TALKING OR I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR MOUTH"

"imagine grinding up someone's teeth! on the internet! for views!"

"my sexuality is a twister wheel"

"Heidegger likes ritz...?"

"HOJO CAN'T READ"

"are you saying that orphans are losers cause they're orphans??" "would you say they're winners then?"

"excuse you, I don't get any bitches because I have a *maiden*"

calling Catherine Howard, fifth wife of Henry the VIII a hussy

"we believe something is beautiful because it can end"

"tear me apart and make me your villain"

Zack

"nipulars"

"hypothetically, if sonic slapped a raw chicken 95,850 times in the span of 9.6 picoseconds (a picosecond is one trillionth of a second) the chicken would be cooked"

"are you about to have a breakdown or are you about to break it down?"

"gimme a spicy second"

"is it a bird? is it a plane? it's Vagina Man!"

"call me Shrek cause I'm swamped"

"prepare yourself, I'm gonna shit my pants"

"SUCK IT BOZO"

"meatghetti and spaghettballs"

"OKAY MR-I-KNOW-HOW-TO-READ"

"what's good for the goose is good for the other goose"

"they were a hero" "I didn't want them to be a hero, I wanted them to live."

"I'll fill you in on the baseball lore"

"there's a *Denny's*"

"the energy of a single banana"

Cloud

"start crying, you'll get sympathy points"

"I'M GOING TO DANCE ON YOUR BONES"

"HOW DOES WINNIE THE POOH AND TAOISM RELATE??"

"well guess what Joey; I can still punch you in the balls"

"I HOPE YOU'RE LONELY"

"you know, I didn't think I'd screw up a lot but here we go"

"we're doing ballet bitch"

"he's rich" "what else is he" "a present"

"I keep on saying prostitution instead of prosecution"

"why are we talking about Caesar like he's Regina George"

"upchuck...vomit...do the hokey pokey..."

"that REEKS of my point"

*playing video games* "I'm now bald, can rip out street lights, and use motorcycles as weapons" "and you start out with BALD?" "it's his most defining trait"

"SHUT UP YOU BITCH ASS HOBO"

there is more than enough for a part two btw

[i-think-i-did-it-again]

Fuck Buddies II

Warning: swearing, drinking

You throw back the shot of tequila, the familiar burn hitting the back of your throat. The music from the DJ booth is literally making your chest thump and there’s so many bodies pressed up around you that you’re not even sure where yours begins and ends. You can feel Rook and Sophie’s eyes on you and you know you’re worrying them but right now, you honestly couldn’t give a fuck. You just wanted to not care anymore. You wanted to be able to ignore Colson with the different women hanging off him. You wanted to be able to ignore the fact that they’re so attractive that it makes you feel like Shrek in comparison. You wanted to be so indifferent to what was happening that you could smile and give him a cheery thumbs up every time he looked your way. 

It’s not like you planned this sort of arrangement with Colson in advance. It just kind of happened one night. You were drunk and horny and he was there. It was hot as fuck and you were addicted but while you were seeing Colson in this whole new way, lying in your bed panting your way back to reality, he was getting dressed. Your whole epiphany was shattered and you were left lying there, confused and hurt. You scrubbed your body raw in the shower, trying to get rid of the dirty, disgusting feeling that plagued you. You scrubbed every spot his lips touched, every bit of skin he gently stroked. Every move that made you feel like this was more than it was. You couldn’t rid yourself of the embarrassment and the shame. What made it worse was that the next time you saw him, he acted the same as always, like nothing about what you did together affected him. That cut deeper than anything else.

“Hey, you’re kind of going really hard on those tequila shots!” Rook yells at you over the music. “Maybe you should take a little break?”

“I’m fine Rook, stop stressing!” You shrug him off and push through the crowd. 

You feel bad for snapping at Rook but you’re so sick of everyone seeing you as this fragile little girl who needs saving. You’ve been a perfectly fine, full-fledged adult, living alone in LA for the past 4 years, you don’t need anyone to hold your hand and even if you did, the one person you want to has his tongue rammed down the throat of some groupie. 

You find the smoking area outside and decide to hide out until all the alcohol in your system hits. You figure it shouldn’t take long, you’ve barely eaten all day and you had 2 cocktails before you got to the club. You thought celebrating Colson’s birthday would be fun. You’d get to hang out, drink, maybe do some dancing. Instead, you’re hiding and inhaling secondhand smoke from complete strangers. 

“Hey, can I bum a light?” A tall, ruggedly handsome man asks, sitting down next to you. An unlit cigarette hangs from his full rosey lips. He has an accent but your mind can’t exactly place it.

“Sorry, I don’t smoke,” you smile politely at him, trying to ignore his beautiful chocolate coloured eyes. 

“Then why is a beautiful woman like you sitting in the smoking area all by yourself?” He quirks an eyebrow at you and your insides quiver slightly. 

You know you don’t have to answer him. You think you should just tell him to leave you alone. You know you should stop sulking and go back inside with all of your friends but something about the way he watches you makes you want to stay. 

“Would you believe me if I told you I’m a reformed smoker and I just love the smell every now and again?” He chuckles at you and you want to hear that sound over and over again. 

“I would, if you weren’t sitting as far away from all the smokers as you are and if you actually looked like you wanted to be out here.”

“So, Mr Observant, why’d you ask me for a light?” It’s your turn to quirk an eyebrow at him. 

“I wanted to know what was making a beautiful woman, such as yourself, sit out here looking so miserable?”

You look at him and something about his kind and deep eyes makes you want to spill your guts almost immediately. You feel like you’ve seen him before, somewhere but you can’t quite place him. You don’t really want to get into specifics but it would be nice to have an objective party listen to the problem and possibly render a solution. 

“The guy I like barely even knows I exist and if I stay in there,” you nudge your chin towards the club, “I’ll have to sit there and watch as every woman throws herself at him.”

“Oh, I see,” he grimaces and you feel a little bad for the guy. He probably just thought he was going to be able to hit on some random chick and here she is spilling her pathetic love life to him. 

“Sorry, I probably should’ve just lied and said the music was too loud,” you mumble, fiddling with your finger nails like you always do when you’re uncomfortable. 

“No, it’s fine. I get that feeling completely. I’m just trying to think how I could help with your predicament?” 

You look up at the kind stranger and smile. The returning smile he gives you makes your skin erupt with goosebumps and your back straighten. It may be the tequila kicking in but this guy is hot! He’s tall, deep brown hair falls down across his forehead and he has the kindest, warmest eyes. You feel so comfortable talking to him that you almost forget why you came out here in the first place. 

You spot a bleach blonde mop of hair pushing through the crowd and you push your body as far back into the corner of the seating and your new friend spots exactly what you’re staring at. He grabs your chin and turns you to face him. His eyes are boring into your own with such intensity, your breath hitches in your throat. 

“Do you trust me?” he asks barely above a whisper. You can’t speak. All you can do is nod your head. 

He leans into you and presses his lips softly to yours. His lips are slightly parted and you can taste the vodka on his breath. The feeling of his lips on yours is so inviting that you find yourself immediately kissing him back. You run your fingers through his hair, latching onto the strands like they’re the only thing holding you to the earth. He moans softly into your mouth and your body shakes at the sound of his pleasure. You’re so lost in the moment that you almost forget you need to breathe. The aching in your lungs is the only thing that can make you pull away. You gasp as you try to catch your breath. You can’t help but chuckle at how freeing that felt. You look back to the door and the blonde hair has disappeared. You feel a ball begin to form in the pit of your stomach but you push the thought away. He started this.

“What was that?” you giggle, eyeing the handsome man beside you. The tequila has definitely hit your system now.

“I was just testing a theory,” he grins at you before pulling out a cigarette packet from his pocket.

“Oh yeah? And what theory was that?” you eye the cigarette dangling between those sweet lips and almost miss his answer.

“That whoever that guy is feels the same way about you as you feel about him.”

“And what have you concluded from your experiment?”

“That he’s desperately in love with you.”

You burst out laughing, physically holding your sides to stop them from splitting, you're laughing that hard. You have to gasp for breath as you start to calm down. It feels nice to relax and just laugh for once. Whenever you’re around Colson, you feel so on edge that you’re scared you may just fall off the precipice. You never feel like you can relax and just enjoy the moment. You like this feeling of not caring and you want to hold onto it forever but that’s not reality.

“I should go back to my friends but thank you for listening and for one of the best kisses of my life,” you stand and smile down at the man whose name you still don’t know. “I’m Y/N by the way.”

“Give me your phone,” he holds out his hand. You place your unlocked phone in the palm of his hand. He types away quickly before handing the phone back to you. “Call me if you ever want to do it again sometime.” 

With that, he stands and heads over to a group of guys standing on the other side of the smoking area. You stare after him for a few moments before turning your attention to your phone. He’s put his name and number in your phone and the name is jumping out at you like you should recognise it but you can’t for some reason. You head back to the nightclub and as you step in, someone grabs your arm and yanks you towards an emergency exit. You’re too drunk to resist the stranger and you stumble numbly behind them.

The door opens and you’re now standing in a poorly lit alleyway, a very pissed off Colson glaring at you. You’re not sure if it’s the unbelievable tension or the alcohol in your veins but you smile goofily at him. This just seems to piss him off more and he throws his beer bottle against the brick wall. You don’t flinch, you don’t even move as the glass shatters and beer spills everywhere.

“What the fuck Y/N?” he screams at you but you don’t care. “Are you trying to make me look like a fucking fool?”

Your brain can’t exactly work out why he’s so pissed or what the hell he’s talking about but that’s got less to do with the alcohol and more with the fact that you don’t care anymore. He can be as pissed off as he wants, he’s not killing your vibe because he’s having a hissy fit over God knows what. You just stand there, waiting for him to speak again and when he doesn’t you just stare at him. 

He looks hot in a light blue dress shirt with only the last two buttons done up leaving the shirt open enough that you can see all the tattoos that litter his chest and top half of his stomach. He’s wearing tight black jeans, which outlines his crotch perfectly, and black Converse High Tops. He’s practically blowing out steam from his nostrils at this point but you don’t give a fuck. Colson doesn’t scare you, he never has. 

You take a few steps towards him and he watches you warily. You bite your bottom lip as you stand in front of him and his gaze zeroes in on the movement. You lean up on your tippy toes and graze the tip of your nose against the bulging vein in his neck, up towards his jawline. His breath quivers at your touch and you run your fingernails up his arms to his exposed skin on his chest. He’s practically panting now and you love the control. He never lets you take the lead like this and the whole new experience is making you wet. You go to loop your hands around the back of his neck but he grabs your wrists and shoves you away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he spits at you and normally the rejection would shatter you but right now you feel nothing but desire. You step towards him again but he moves out of your reach. “I SAID FUCKING STOP!”

“Oh I forgot, we only fuck when you want to right?” you snort and he scowls at you. “I forgot that you’re in charge and I’m just supposed to be here, waiting, ready for when you want to use and abuse me.”

“Don’t act fucking innocent. You love it,” he spits at you and you almost slap his stupid face. You clench and unclench your fists at your side, holding yourself together. “You love when I spank your ass raw, when I pound into you so you can’t fucking walk the next day.”

“Yeah, it’s my great fucking joy in love Colson.”

You turn on your heels and start to leave the alleyway. You can’t be bothered going back inside and pretending like you’re happy to be there. You’re so done with faking it and you’re done with Colson. Yet again, you stupidly thought tonight would be different than any other time with Colson. You can’t keep convincing yourself that anything about your ‘friendship’ with him will change. Friends with benefits is a fucking sadistic concept and no one should be dumb enough to convince themself that it would be any different for them.

“Why were you crying last night?” he calls after you and you stop dead in your tracks, your blood running cold. 

“Wh-what?” you turn around and look at him dumbfounded. You feel like you’ve instantly sobered up just from that one question.

“I heard you before I left. I went to leave but I wanted some water and when I was standing in your kitchen, I heard you. Why?”

“I-I wasn’t, you…you must’ve heard wrong,” you trip over your words as you try to think of some explanation and his features shift. He storms towards you and stands in your space.

“WHY THE FUCK WON’T YOU JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH!?” he screams, as close to your face as humanly possible.

“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU! FUCK! DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?!” you scream back at him and he stumbles back. He doesn’t say anything, he just turns and walks away, leaving you standing alone in the alley, broken and hurt.

[hannshines]

I love how they are giving Spanglish tutorials for writing and making a more realistic Miguel O'hara in fics.

And it's funny because they're right in saying that it's not just saying random words in Spanish, it's literally putting certain sentences and almost repeating the same thing but in English or more than repeating it is saying something else that reaffirms what you said in Spanish, if you want the other person to understand you well if they don't speak any Spanish at all.

But apart from that, the truth is that not much happens, obviously what will stand out the most in Spanish words and actually in anny kind of language are the expressions

If you are an English speaker but you moved to Mexico and now you speak Spanish almost all the time, the typical expressions that you used to say in the United States or wherever you come from will not go away so easily.

A good tip is to think in that way, if you were that character with a nationality or your parents are from another country and you speak that other language constantly, how would you speak? And what are the expressions you would still use un your language?

They handle that in the film in a decent way, because for example all the expressions that Miguel says in a sarcastic, desperate way and whispers to himself he says them in Spanish (giving you to understand that he is very familiar with the language in the sense of speaking it, so much so that he continues to use some phrases).

That unlike Miles who has a mother who speaks Spanish, he has spoken English all his life and although he is used to his mother's Puerto Rican Spanish (he understands her when she speaks some things) in reality he doesn't speak it, because he never had the need to speak spanish or to express himself with phrases in another language other than with his mother (if that were the case).

And considering Miles' mother, she speaks more fluent Splanglish and her accent is still quite thick, has anyone seen Sofia Vergara in Mother Family? She's literally Gloria

And here comes in also knowing the different expressions for the different Spanish speaking countries which would be almost the same as with American English and British English.

It is not the same to use expressions in Puerto Rican Spanish (which is what Miles' mother should use) to mexican expressions (which is what Miguel should use) to expressions in Spanish spain or other Spanish-speaking countries (which, as strange as it sounds, is what Miguel uses in the film and Miles uses in the short conversation he has with Miguel, calling him "tío")

And honestly it's not a complaint, because I adore Oscar Issac and maybe I understand a little bit about the accent and the words because my man is from Guatemala.

But again is not the same to say "automóvil" here in Mexico, the word means the same thing but here in Mexico we don't use that word much to refer to a car, we call it "carro".

There are words that do become common i'm diferente countries, but back to the expressions.

"Ay coño" is not a Mexican expression.

Yes in Latin America because is it used in other countries and in Spain, but here un México that word is used but almost nothing and not for the same, there are more expressions that are used in Mexico, that somehow I understand that it will not be used, I consider that the common Mexican expressions, the real ones, are very rude and vulgar, but that in some way characterizes us.

I was waiting for Miguel O'hara to say something stupid like "Me está llevando la chingada" (which means he's fed up with every situation and can't take it anymore) because it seemed that at some point the man couldn't take any more with a "mocoso" (brat).

Someone made a post with some expressions and words in Spanish, it is very good sincerely, I hope you see it, but if you want to enjoy a good movie in the dubbing is full of Mexicanisms, see Shrek in Latin American Spanish.

In the Hangover movie the dubbing uses expressions that would be used here in Mexico, if you want more rude expressions with the Spanish dubbing.

But remember that if you want to base it on a movie, all the dubbing should be Latin American which is the closest to Mexican expressions.

In fact that's a problem with Latin American dubbing, as it's mostly done here in Mexico they try to make it global for Latin America but they tend to put in a lot of Mexicanisms that are not understood in other countries but that kill us in mexico.

[smoozie]

...life series ace attorney au?

colour me intrigued.

I've already explained the jist of it here and expanding on some defense/prosecutor duos I enjoy here

I am so excited to talk abt this!! Feel free to ask more questions! I'm using this ask as an excuse to talk abt design ideas regarding the lawyers!

Starting off with Gem, whose design I've already finished!! She has a similar silhouette to Apollo's angsty Dual Destinies design with her (green) jacket over her shoulders because of the shawl(?) In her hc10 skin and witch skin. I gave her a white button up with a yellow tie since a lot of her skins have yellow/gold accents. I also gave her a corset because of the corset for her empires skin (now sure what season, I haven't watched her empires u-u). I've given her a single glove as a reference to her hc10 skin and to Athena's single glove, since I think Athena and her share some fun similarities. Finally she has some grey pants (Capcom give these lawyer women pants!!) And brown dress boots.

Unfortunately, Gem's design was the easiest for me! I'm trying to keep the defense side relatively simple as you'll notice in aa they tend to be (rip Athena). I don't want everyone in a basic suit tho so I am trying to mix things up a bit. Would love some suggestions! As for the others, I have some ideas

Scott's S1 Empires skin is actually perfect! It's that multicolored tunic that could easily be depicted as a suit jacket with a white dress shirt underneath. Could be fun to mess around with what kind of shirt he's in or a neck accessory besides a tie. Other than that I haven't got much for him. Ace attorney lawyers also tend to be strongly color coded, so a multicolored suit may break that aa feel, but uh it's more fun <3. I may end up playing around with the colors anyway.

Mumbo's design is actually the easiest. I had more fun with Gem, hence why she was done first, but Mumbo is already wearing his ace attorney suit design lol. I kinda want to play around with it a bit more, but I may end up settling on his self imposed aa design.

Scar has an extremely unique problem for me where he actually has too many fun lawyer-adjacent skins. Particularly his hc8 and limited life skins. They are both very iconic to me but would be difficult to actually mesh into one deisgn. Additionally I ADORE the color pallette of his secret life skin (og, but red is good too) but I'm not sure if I could include it. Altogether Scar is the hardest!! If I pick one route I feel like I'm losing so many possibilities! And I don't want to just copy one skin of his, like Gem I want their to be numerous references to different skins. May have to study the aa wiki defense attorneys to get some better in-universe outfit ideas.

I've been having some trouble with Grian as I wanted to include his iconic sweater without breaking the prosecutor vibe. The prosecution tends to have more wild or whimsical (see Nahyuta) designs. However, I think Grian may end up on the more simple side of the prosecutor spectrum, Edgeworth is a more simple prosecutor anyway and Grian is Edgeworth-adjacent. Come to think of it tho, his poultry man skin looks stupidly similar to Gregory Edgeworth. Could do smth with that maybe hmmm.

Etho's design is actually pretty straightforward from his skin. And he only has one to work with haha. What I'm picturing looks a lot like Godot's outfit, he even has a mask on lol. I'm probably gonna try to make it pretty unique, but it is hard to resist the urge to just turn those sleeves into a button up and that green into a suit vest.

Joel is one I'm trying to play around with more. I've perused his skins and haven't had any stand out as super lawyer-y. His default is fun enough to work with tho! Gem's comment of his weird vest thing as a corset is making me consider giving him a corset (he and Gem can match!). I'm trying to distinguish him from Shrek as much as possible while still keeping recognizable elements from his default. All in all I think he'll be fun.

CLEO oh BOY am I excited for Cleo. I'm thinking a lot of Franziska's silhouette with Cleo, focussing on extravagant sleeves, particularly relating to that blue dress skin of Cleo's. I'm also thinking of Nahyuta's detailing. Cleo's skins, to me, give the perfect amount of inspo without spelling anything out. I'll probably stick to her usual color pallette, but playing around with her 80s skin colors could be fun! Cleo is very exciting for me!

Finally, Pearl. When it comes to Pearl's design, her top aa influence is Barok van Zieks. I adore his cape and would really like to use it as a reference to scarlet Pearl. I also really like his soldier-esc getup underneath it, and while I wouldn't go as heavy handed with it, I am tempted to take some bits. I also really like Lana Skye for Pearl as a design reference, but mostly for her sprites. Pearl will not be crazy corrupt like her, but I would like to draw some parallels

[neuronary]

IN LIEU OF THE STRIKES

(which i am technically participating in but also i hadn’t had a writing job in like eighteen months before this and i was planning on breaking for the entirety of my degree anyways)

currently neither unions are calling for a boycott but if this goes on long enough, production will start grinding to a halt. personally, i am hoping this lasts long enough to get the tech crews, directors, and animators/cg artists/effects people also striking, because i am really hoping that that will get more of these fields unionised too and really scare the bosses into doing what we want. this industry makes hundreds of billions of dollars a year and those profits go directly into the pockets of shareholders that don’t fucking deserve them.

the point being: now if ever is the time to start catching up on the old shit. by which i mean anything you missed when it came out.

so my contribution here is sharing my current watchlists and also giving some recommendations for my favourite films and tv shows.

without further ado,

FILMS - HORROR

FILMS - COMEDY

FILMS - DOCUMENTARY

(there are in fact many more films but i wanna also cover my tv watchlist plus recs for film and tv)

TV

if anyone has any more recs for film or tv based on my current watchlists please let me know! these don’t even cover everything but i don’t want this post to be megalong.

as for my own recs:

in terms of horror, i will always rec everything jordan peele. he is one of my favourite filmmakers of this century and he has yet to miss. although personally i would advise grabbing some friends and keeping the lights on for us. another favourite of mine is the original scream. i’m not so big on the sequels personally, but i’d advise giving them ago because many people love the entire franchise and i have heard excellent things about the one with jenna ortega. thoroughbreds is technically a thriller but my god was it one of the most underrated and gripping films i’ve seen in years. 5/5 stars. check it out.

in terms of comedy, i will never not recommend pride (2014) it is a heartwarming film about solidarity between different marginalised communities, based on a real organisation of queer people that raised money for the striking miners in the uk in 1984. it was also my gay awakening in more ways than one and despite the somewhat bittersweet ending gave me a lot of hope for my future. i also highly recommend my cousin vinny which not only has marisa tomei giving the greatest comedic performance i’ve ever seen (which she deserved best actress for, by the way, she carried that fucking film) but also amazingly accurate legal dialogue. another favourite of mine is the spy who dumped me which has me actual pissing myself every time i watch it. also, the first kingsman film is a masterclass in successful parody and cinematic proof that the only good parodies are made by the lovers of a genre, not the haters.

in terms of documentary, now is a great time to revisit david attenborough’s work (we stan that man on this blog i won’t hear a word against him) and be reminded of what exactly it is that our conservationists are trying to save. particularly a life on this planet is a fascinating documentary about his own journey and beautifully scored. the elephant whisperers won best short doc at the oscars this year for a reason. although i have my issues with my octopus teacher’s philosophy in certain places, it is still one of the most incredible documentaries i’ve ever seen. lewis capaldi: how i’m feeling now is not what you think but is definitely worth a watch. (also mandatory watching for any american that calls shrek’s accent scottish.) chasing coral on netflix is something i rewatch whenever i need reminding of why i’m doing what i’m doing.

finally in terms of tv, this is my daily reminder to everyone to subscribe to dropout it is well worth the money and for today what i actually want to recommend is total forgiveness which legitimately broke me as a person and is also one of the most candid and grounded depictions of the impact of student debt i have ever seen. i would also, however, like to put some people on some limited series/complete tv shows that absolutely fuck. firstly, maid came into my life at the worst time possible and sent me into multiple meltdowns and panic attacks but remains one of my top tv shows of the year. the last of us is actually worth the hype, as much as it frustrates my science brain. la revolution is the best thing to come out of france since pain aux abricots but also comes with about four hundred content warnings so check yourself before you wreck yourself with that one. alien worlds is not quite what i’d consider a documentary but is one of the most creative things i’ve ever watched and a really accessible show about ecology and exobiology, which i love. russian doll is a show that tore me into pieces and stitched me back together again laughing and crying the whole way. don’t do yourself the disservice of not watching it. the ethos of the good place is too good not to put on here. yes it’s been memed to hell and back but it’s genuinely one of the greatest tv shows of the century so far and found and carried such a fundamentally good message that i rewatch at least once every couple years.

anyways, please include your own recs in the notes, yell about tv/films you love and show some appreciation for the people that brought them into existence. also note that they don’t have to be considered ‘great works’, i am just a wanker when it comes to this stuff. i want all your recs, good and ‘bad’.

[chuuyanaurkahara]

The Shrenaissance, by my sister and me:

An: omgggg haiii guyyyysssss✌️🤗 thankyew ferrr reddin my stroy❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺 luttssss of live🇬🇧😔🙏✌️✌️

Chaptit uno

“Omgggg nooooo!!” Creamed y/n. 😱 “What?” Yelled lord fartquaq 😈😈😈 “I’m going to sell you to people becuz your super peretty” the guards grabbed me ass I cried sadly. “ “noooo don’t sell meeee🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺, I get that I have light brown with blonde streaks hair, and pink eyezzzz with greEn polka dotzzz and purlbees zigzaddy lines, And I’m not like ovvfer gworlzzzZZz 👉👈😔🪳🥵 butt please don’t sell me into salvery😭😭😭😭”.

“Too late fer dat” yelld lord lord farquag 🖤🤬🪓🔥🔥🔥🔥😞😞😞.

“Auaaaaaaaaaah” y/n cried scradely 💀💔💔.

Before y/n knew it she was in the fairytale slvarey market ⛓⛓⛓with mean evil wiches 🧙♀️ named tiffany and Brittany( an: heckkkku tifff and britit u r buwwwies and No wun like u 😡) who were to sell me to the p3d0 muffin man. The muffin c@me running at me with a wot of munneee 💸💸💸💸🤑🤑🤑 in his thiccc beefy hamdsss. When alof zA suoddenn a loud Scottish 🏴 seccsy voice boomed out “noooooooo I will not let u buy this gurlll!!!!!👿👿👿🤬🤬🤬”

Chabit deux

I luuk uup at dis green 💚💚💚, kinda hot monster. He had a giggachad chin, a total dad bod which is hot 👈🥵 and two ears that pointed east and west (the two most hottest directionz 🧭🥵🥵🥵🥵) that remind me trumpetttts. In his deep, angy scootish accent “let herr go laddy befure I ootuerly PUCK you up.” The guards all run avvay 🏃♂️🏃♀️ He grasped the cage lid and ripped it open, he took me by the hand and lifted me like a bride (AAAAAHHHHHHHH 😫😩😫😫😫) he looked down at me with his bruun orbs 🤎🪳 and I to his with my blu 💙eYes. And he said “you’re safe now, Y/N” “cum with meh to Zach svanmp y/n”

Chabbir tree

Y/n gazed at the back of shreks head as he lead her to his swamp💚💚💚 “dadd-…I mean shrek, why did you rescue me?”🤔🤔

“Because, y/n I just…..f-f-feilt loike aye shed” Shrek said. Y/n cried tears out of her pisssss yellerrr saucers 😭😭😭, which gleamed in the morning sun. Shrek gazed in y/n’s eyes 👀 with the essence sad sorrow “Etts owkeh y/n I weallll protectchu”💯💯💯☝️😿😿😿 “shrek!?😫😫😫” y/n whispered. “Yesh y/n I am here ferr yuh”. “O-o-okk-k” y/n chattered shyly.

Shrek and y/n made eye contact that lasted for 4 hours, ⏰⏰⏰ every second they blushed a darker shade of red until the couldn’t take it anymoooreh🫣🫣😫. Y/n’s eyelids were slowly fluttering closed 😴😴😴as the sun set, she wuzz abutt to collapse when Shrek caught her before she fell of a scary emo cliff🖤🖤🖤 wiff sharp Goffic rocks at the bottom👹🤡👺😈. shreiekle caught y/n and her THICC booty sheekss squished 🍑 against the larg moosculiar bikeppzzz. “Shrek?” Muttered y/n in her sleep. “ y/n I wee tahke you home” Shrekkler carried y/n down a moonlit path to his swamp😏😏😏

Chubber frour

(A.N so in dis stowwee Feowner doesn’t exist so shwexk is knowt sheatinq on hewww)

Y/n woke up at 2 am in sherk s lether bed. Since shreks swamp couldn’t support electricle which meant Shrek had to light a buncha campbells 🕯🕯🕯🕯. The candelllas set a hawt golden staemy mood for y/n and she felt so exhilaratingly semexely.🫣🫣🫣

When sussendly she felt a huge braeth on the back of her mekc, she turned around and Shrek was lying right nevst to her.😏 He was awake and just layin der staring at y/n’s lime green ayballs 👀

Y/n moved her arm to feel Shreks cheek wen she realized she was completely nekid. 💦🥵

“Shrek whore are mai cwoves” y/n blushed 😳shit browm “o irm soorrrry aboot theht, but when I carrying yeh holm yoh feill ootah my Erms and into a deep peddle”

There was a moment of silence and then y/n climbed on top of Shrok in the sexy way and arched her 2 mile wid arse.😈😫

Shrek flipped her over on the beed (🐝cuz shreee likes to be doominant 😏🥵🥴)

Thert Wes wen y/n realized Shrek was niked

Too. Y/n look down at shreks sausig 🍆💚and was severely turned un to see it was 2 feert lung. “Shrek,… are you sure about this?? 👉👈😫😫 y/n asked hottly.

Withought sayinq antyfing Shrek put his thingy in her you know wut. And they fugded fer 50 hours. 😫🥵😳🥺😍😏🥴

Choooop fiff

Y/n woke up and she could barely get out uv

Beb because off how sore her cooter was 😖, butt shi got op anywayzz. When she went to da baffwoom it huwwt so bad to pee but after she ped and went to wipa her hoochie 🧻

Buttt the the toilet pappir was gweenis 🥦 amb smelled like unyuns 🧅🧅🧅.

Y/n was shookered. She knew it wusnt his cum 🐝cuz he had shot sum on her last night and it was bright yellow. 💛

Y/n scerdly crept oot of da barfroom 😰

“S-Shrek.. “ y/n said “yerhh?” Shrek responded “wen I went pii it was bright green and smelled lik unions, so you know wat it ees?” Y/n said shyly 🦨🦨🦨

“O….. urmh sooo…. Ummmm” Shrek said nervously” 🫣😓😬 y/n stard at hem pleadingly🥺🥺🥺 “ soo ummm I might hev mehbeh peesssed in you” Shrek blurted out

Y/n’s picht blak ayes filled with tears.🥺

Chillie sex

Y/n tan oot if the swamp cring 😭😭👀 “how cood sHreik do this to meeeeeee she wpet. When all of the sudden she sooped in her traks when she sa a hawt gray beefy dunkey.🥵🥩 “aye chihuahua grill, what’s ring mamasita” the dunkler said loodly “ SHREP AND I SID THE SMEX AND HE PESSED INMY VIRGINIA 🪳🪳🪳“ y/n scream as she fell to the floor and a waterfall of shreks voluminous saucy piizz flooded out of her biscuit 😱😱😱💚🍑🥓.

“Hot diggity dog grull, dat sux” dinky tan over to cumfart y/n 🥺🥺🥺 when all of lord fromagedart’s men ran at them with giant speeerzzz🔪🔪🔪. The p3d0 muffin was there too and he jumped on y/n and snd stared drinking the Shrek pii out off her tumbel tunnel and then he rapped her

“Aaaueguurriiureeeeeee” y/n scremed as he thrust his toes into her 🦶🦶🦶

“HOLY MOTHER OF WAP” doonkey sheeked 😱😱😱in mecksican horre. Than he strated too kik everone in da faces With his juicy paws. Then dlunker hippity hoped over to y/n and she scardle climed on his bac into the sunset 🌮🇲🇽🌯🌮

Chipter Steven

Y/n and donker made safley to donkees krib. Y/n was still necked and her huge b♾B$ were nonconformist and boonsing seggsisly in da wimd. Donkey stred down at them from his 9’11. Height “ dam girl those bvvbs are hawter den abuelita’s chili. “Y/n was super trimmed om 👉👈😏 “dang shawty” she said trying impress him with her Italian. “Woah girl it sound like you wanna fiesta in my cama” dinky said putting f boy face 😗😎😎🪳 “fiesta salsa qinceñera™️” 👉👈😚 y/n sang so anjeliclee that brids started swarming aroond her tamales 🌮🌮😏 dunkin picked y/n up in he’s beefy erms and brought her into his bed. danky climed on top of her and right as he slid a cundom on Shrimp busted through dikiys door “WET AR YEH DOIN IN HIS SWAMPPP😭😭😭” Shremk scrammed. “I can eggsplain” said y/n. But donkey had enough of the dramma and start fuugin her right there 😤😫 donkeys pp what’s three feet long and tres feet wide🍆 song y/n couldn’t keep talking when he was thrusting at her going 10,000 mph. But not all of Shreks peese had come out of her that day and since it had no where else to leave from shreks pee went up y/n’s throaght and straight into her lunges and y/n strated to drowm. 😱😭😱😭🪳Shrek pushd dlunker offff y/n and held her corpse in his big beefy armes, he realized she died and closed her silver eye’s eyelids. 🥺🥺🥺

Two days later donkey was a convinted feline fro murder 🔪🗡🩸😩 and they had y/n’s funeral all of the kingdom showed oop and cured a lot.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

FIN oui oui

OMG THIS IS SO GREAT I LOVE THIS. /serious

there should be more stories like this in the world, they're so fun to read in my opinion. thank you for sharing this!

[indeliblescarspivotalmarks]

hi! i’m ellie. i’m 20, a november 12th 2003 baby to be exact. i’m from scotland, and no i don’t sound like shrek or outlander or any of those accents. i’m a student midwife. i’ve delivered 21 babies. 13 girls, 8 boys. and i celebrate all of their birthdays every year. i guess that might sound crazy, but it’s so special to be the first hands onto the newest person in the world, and wonder who they will be. i only have one year left until i graduate. and that is terrifying. i grew up in the countryside, and ran riot in the forests everyday. now i live in a big city, and it’s fun, but it’s also busy and grey. i miss the trees sometimes. everyone calls me a daydreamer. i get super excited over ideas, and haven’t lost that childish joy that comes with thinking of something new yet. i don’t ever want to lose it. i have stacks of notebooks, and i always carry at least one. and a pen. always a pen! i write down things i see, ideas that pop into my head with a moments notice. because if i don’t catch them, and capture them, they float away like a butterfly in the breeze. i’ve journaled everyday since i was 8. that’s a lot of secrets written in notebooks. i had the best childhood, i had great parents, but friends were hard. nobody gives you a handbook on how to make friends easily, and i guess i didn’t get that memo until high school. i found a few people there and i’ve met a few more along the way. i keep them close to me and make sure they know they matter to me. being a teenager wasn’t kind to me. i’ve sat staring at the grey walls of a hospital room more than any teenager should. instead of going on dates and partying, i spent my time crying over banana pudding and pasta. separately. not together. ew. but now i’m better. and i’m making up for lost time. i tell people i love them because i’m scared of losing them. i laugh a little louder because i’m just glad i can laugh at all. and i dance like nobody is watching because i’ve spent too long agonising over what everyone else thinks. i turned 20 this year. i’m excited for the future but i’m scared. how did i grow up so fast. i miss the tea party and princess dress days. but i guess you have to keep going with it. life is like that. i’ve been a taylor swift fan since 2006. blame my dad. he bought me tim mcgraw in july “06 after he heard it on a US country radio he streamed to the uk. and oh man i was hooked. i’ve bought every album in release week since then. my parents saw taylor as a great role model, and i’m so glad they chose to let her into my life through her music. i’ve never left. i stayed. and will do forever and always. i act with kindness, but i’m no longer afraid to have my boundaries. you have to open yourself up to love, but you have to protect your soul too. taylor taught me that one. nowadays, i follow easter eggs like it’s my full time job. and i love swiftie tumblr. i like the sense of having a community here. if anyone has made it to the end of this…thank you and wow you’re dedicated.

~Ellie

[cosmicck]

A ray of light shines down on a leather-bound storybook. The book opens and a Scottish-accented voice begins reading its text:

SHREK: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her true love and true love's first kiss.

The voice laughs. A big, green hand rips out a page of the book and shuts it closed.

SHREK: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of -

We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Out steps SHREK, an ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot of the page still stuck to his shoe. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home, and goes about his daily routine. This includes taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign.

In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. At night they gather their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes. The villagers stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is sneaking up behind them.

NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME

VILLAGER 1: Think it's in there?

VILLAGER 2: All right. Let's get it!

VILLAGER 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

VILLAGER 3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.

Shrek chuckles, revealing himself to be standing behind the mob.

SHREK: Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.

The mob gasp.

SHREK: Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin...

Shrek slowly approaches as the villagers back away in fear.

VILLAGERS: No!

SHREK: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

VILLAGER 1: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!

The villager waves his torch in Shrek's face. Shrek casually licks his fingers and pinches the flame, extinguishing the torch. The villager drops it.

VILLAGER 1: Right...

Shrek terrifies the mob with a great frightening roar, his spit extinguishing all the remaining torches. He wipes his mouth and waits for the villagers to stop screaming.

SHREK: (Whispering) This is the part where you run away.

ALL: (Screaming!!!)

Shrek laughs as the men drop their torches and pitchforks and run away as fast they can.

SHREK: And stay out!

He looks down and picks up a wanted poster dropped by one of the villagers. He reads it aloud.

SHREK: "Wanted. Fairytale creatures"?

He sighs and walks off. dropping the poster to the ground.

i

am going

to

HURT YOU👹

[saintgoths]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ

CHAPTER FOUR - SETH.

WORD COUNT - 2,063 WORDS.

RATING - G. [MENTIONS OF DEATH & VOMIT].

Maria and Tommy were kind enough to prepare a welcoming party for the Rosalind family, preparing a house-warming party was in the back of Isabella’s mind so she noted to do that somewhere around this week or the one after this current time.

It was also bonfire night, the children were inside watching a movie, Shrek, whilst the adults were outside, around a firepit chatting and joking around with each other. Isabella was unsure if Venus was going to come and join the other kids, knowing how anti-social she could get, the matriarch wished that Venus would put herself out there, but the young brunette girl wasn’t like other kids, she was immune and was scared of her future.

“That accent of yours,” Tommy’s southern voice interrupted the woman’s train of thoughts, Tommy must’ve noticed the stuck trance Isabella trapped herself in, as not long ago, she stared down at the ground, her hand tightly wrapped around the glass bottle of beer, frustrated with her overthinking. “You’re from England, aren’t you?”

Isabella forced herself to smile at Tommy’s obvious guess before she answered, “yes, but I moved here in 2011.”

“Two years before the breakout,” Tommy hummed, fascinated by Isabella’s small backstory, and it seemed like Tommy wasn’t finished with his curiosity as he then continued to ask Isabella inquiries. “What caused you to move here?”

Isabella couldn’t blame Tommy, her appearance with her children was arbitrary. They were dirty and bloody and hadn’t said an inkling of their past or what has happened to them before they appeared to the gates of Jackson ever since they stepped into the soil of the community.

She could feel everyone’s eyes stare into her soul as they waited for her to respond, she didn’t notice that everyone’s blather and prattle died down and it got her quite nervous as she didn’t know what to say. As Seth was one of the members who was at the welcome party, Isabella even wondered why that man even bothered to come knowing how he felt about her.

“Wanted to turn over a new chapter,” Isabella briskly responded as she awkwardly placed her thumb over the mouth of her beer bottle. She also hadn’t noticed that Joel sat there, also absorbed and interested in what caused Isabella to move so far from her home country.

“I know someone who somewhat looks like you.”

Everyone altered their vision to Seth who sat on a single seat, he must’ve drunk at least two wheat beer bottles Isabella observed, whilst she tried to hide the growing uncertainty and unease that travelled in her body. “Accompanied a man I knew who’s now dead,” he factually slurred, he then took a sip of his brew then continued to speak, “was a really close friend of mine, how bitter and sombre I was when I learned about his death.”

Isabella’s pupils wandered away from Seth and onto Joel who anticipated and observed the silver-haired man who spoke like a temperamental mad-man, “he was found in a pool of vomit,” Seth dismally explained as Isabella’s eyes met with Seth once again, and that brisk brief look was enough for Seth to confirm that Isabella knew what he spoke about. 

Maria glanced at Isabella then towards Seth, silently wondered how any of this got to do with the newcomer.

“I don’t know of this story,” Isabella effortlessly replied and Maria had a feeling that she would have to remove Seth from the situation.

“I was told we have at least seven doppelgängers,” Joel subtly joked, evident that he tried to make the situation lighter as he felt everyone become tense of the objectless story Seth told everyone.

Isabella was relieved that Joel strived to get the attention off of her, it caused her to see Joel less cold than she usually perceived him.

“Isn’t that your girl coming over here?” Maria noted, with her head she pointed towards the direction of Venus who made her way towards the crowd; she was wearing her casual attire but with a jacket as it was quite windy during night.

Isabella looked back to look at her daughter who seemed quite uncomfortable by the masses of people who watched her, “yeah it is,” Isabella softly agreed and gently smiled at Venus to make her adequate in the situation. Isabella was happy that Venus found the enterprise and spirit to come, it was a big step for Venus. “Hello Venus,” Isabella reached for her daughter’s left hand before giving it a soft peck. “I’m happy you found the strength to come.”

Venus blandly but benevolently simpered at her mother and then quietly greeted Isabella who took responsibility to direct Venus to where the other children were.

When Isabella came back to the adults, everyone continued to converse with each other and drink, Maria did have to take Seth back to his home before he created a commotion between other citizens. Isabella wondered if his up-tight behaviour came with old age and wished she never became so rude and coarse like the old man.

Time went past and more people began to head back home with their children until it was Isabella on her own, in front of the fire pit, once again, stuck in her thoughts that overwhelmed her and formed her tense. Found by her eldest, Ivy who must’ve been too tired to remain at the place where the other kids were watching films, Ivy immediately figured that her mother wasn’t as calm as she usually was.

“Mum, let’s go home, Robin and Venus will come on their own.”

Isabella, snapped out of her thoughts once again turned to look at Ivy who had a clutched and concerned expression written all over her face. Isabella moderately nodded her head before she got to her feet and put out the fire then left the area with her child.

The walk home was quiet, and Ivy felt like she would rather stay at her mother’s home this night. Before she left the building where the kids were, she informed Robin and Venus that she was staying over. The girl knew how to read a room, well since they were outside, Ivy knew how to read the tension and she believed it was best to speak about what has happened when they entered the main Rosalind building.

The moment the two stepped into the home, they took off their shoes and hung their coats onto the hooks that were in the foyer. Ivy took a brisk look towards her mother and she seemed less tense than she was when Ivy met her near the fire pit.

Ivy took Isabella’s settled stance as an opening to start speaking, “so what happened?”

Isabella peeked at her oldest child and was quite relieved that Ivy was able to notice her unsettled persona. Isabella didn’t necessarily depend on Ivy for emotional comfort, but Ivy was a great listener and advisor, Isabella guessed it comes easily to children who have to live in this dystopia.

“There’s this man who knows me,” Isabella cheerlessly responded as she plopped herself against the leather sofa in her living room, quickly after, Ivy sat comfortably next to her, ready to listen to what Isabella had to say next, “he knows of me because of my past and what I have done and I fear that he’s going to mention it to Tommy or Maria and have us gone.”

“What part of your past does he know of?” Isabella wondered, examining; it couldn’t have been what they recently been through, word couldn’t have passed around that quick. Yet, with the way Isabella pressed her lips together and held back her tears, the younger woman promptly realised what part of her mother’s past the man must’ve known about. “Alexander,” Isabella gently whispered, her eyes shaded with sorrow and second-hand guilt for what her mother was put through during her younger days.

Ivy wasn’t even supposed to know about Isabella’s past, the information was meant for her ex-husband and Ivy’s biological father, Kai Rosalind, Ivy was caught eavesdropping and was urged to not tell anyone about Isabella’s history and Ivy pledged with her heart.

“Who’s the man?”

“He goes by Seth,” Isabella sighed, still a bit frustrated about the leverage of information the man could hold over her head. “He looks like a typical decaying old man,” Isabella lightly joked and Ivy sauntered at Isabella’s random humour and leaned into the sofa they both sat on.

“Y’know I fought so hard for this,” Isabella wistfully complained, “for us to have a safe environment and a better life, and it’s challenged by the secrets Seth knows,”

Isabella already felt defeated by this man, and Ivy could tell with the way her mother’s shoulders dropped out of despair and discomfiture.

“But everything you have done was to protect yourself, and in the future, you’ve done everything to protect us, your children,” Ivy pointed out, she moved herself closer to her mother as a sign of empathy, “and to protect Venus…”

Isabella sighed and wiped her growing tears with the back of her hands, “let’s move on from this conversation,” Isabella requested while she forced herself to smile as she thought of another subject to convey about, “now tell me what’s been going on with your life? How about that girl Ellie? Something tells me that you like her.”

Ivy couldn’t help but fluster at her mother’s observation, sometimes she wished Isabella wasn’t as alert and keen as she is now. Ivy hurtled her shoulders with an unsure look on her face, “I like her but I don’t know if anything between us would happen.”

“How comes?”

“She has this thing with Dina and Jesse, well Ellie doesn’t like Jesse romantically but he likes her along with Dina, who also likes Jesse, it’s this messy love triangle that I don’t want to be a part of,” as much as Ivy aimed to make herself feel that it didn’t bother her as much, it truly did, she was a teenager and wanted to experience so much stuff and the fact that it’s likely not going to happen because the person she likes doesn’t know to choose for herself.

Isabella morosely gave her daughter a supportive saunter, “but do you still want Ellie?”

Badly, Isabella thought, yet, all she did was shrug, still and all Isabella could see right through her eldest child. Isabella raised both of her eyebrows; she had an expression on her face that told Ivy that she knew what Ivy’s true answer was.

“Only time will tell, Ivy.”

Ivy gently scoffed at Isabella’s response, “do we even have time?”

“In this safe community, yes we do,” Isabella confidently replied, still she failed at keeping Ivy’s hopes up about Ellie. Isabella pulled herself close to Ivy and placed her hand on Ivy’s right knee gently, “trust your mother’s intuition, Ivy, I know there’ll be something.” 

Ivy arched the both of her eyebrows, quietly dismissive about her mother’s insight, if something were to happen between the two of Ivy’s hunch was that it’ll most likely end on unstable grounds, and the thought of that made Ivy reluctant about pursuing the girl.

Isabella then looked at the clock that was nailed opposite them in the living room they stayed in, Ivy couldn’t help but notice that her mother was giving this home a homely feeling, something Ivy haven’t felt for years. She was pleased by her mother’s decorative side, in front of them was a low wooden table that Isabella decided to paint white to match the light greyish tone of the leather sofa they plopped themselves on, under the table was a tiny white rug and Isabella could tell that her mother strived for a modern look.

“It’s late, Robin and Venus must be coming soon,” the hour had grown more late and even though the society was claimed to be safe, the other kids knew that their mother still wouldn’t want them wandering around this behind, “it’s time to go to sleep,” Isabella pointed out while Ivy stood up to her feet.

“Night mum,” Ivy bid before she gave her mother a soft hug who then placed a gentle kiss on top of her kin’s head. Appreciative and contended by her mother’s actions, Ivy let go of her mother and made her route to her spare bedroom.

make sure to like, comment or reblog! following is also appreciated! you can also ask questions in the comments or in my ask box!

[maid0evil]

PIB Ocs: Lorelei and Christopher/Death’s Godson

So, I've seen the PIB:TLW movie....maybe 4 times in theatres and recently bought it on Amazon Prime (yeah, I really like the movie XD ). And I've been thinking of making an oc based on it for awhile. At first, I decided to do a Little Red Riding Hood oc, but I remembered several things; one there are two versions of her all ready in the PIB/Shrek universe (movie version and video game version), and that a lot of people made a few ocs based off her all ready, including a few friends of mine. So instead, I decided to try and do a character that would be somehow tied to one of the other movie characters, and was pleasantly surprised to find this rarely spoken of Grimm's tale, 'Godfather Death' (I have seen a few versions of/ocs based on the tale here on tumblr, kudos to those people for remembering the tale~!) Link to story: https://sites.pitt.edu/~dash/grimm044.html

Video on youtube explaining it as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJ9UtAmjs7Y

In case people don't want to read the full story, the short version is; a poor man asks Death to become the Godfather of his youngest son, as Death sees all as equal when the time comes. Death teaches the godson to be a physican and cure people, and on certain conditions where Death is near the bed are they allowed to live or die. However, the godson disobeys twice; once with the king out of pity, an act Death was upset with but allowed to pass, but the second time was with the King's daughter, the Princess, who he fell in love with and wanted to marry. However, as Death intended for both to die, Death had to take the life of the Godson instead, despite the own pain from the act in doing so. So with that being said, here are my versions of Death's Godson (named Christopher) and Lorelei, his prodigy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lorelei was orphaned at an early age, and survived as a street rat up until she was 12 years old. Then she meets the ghost of Christopher and after visiting the lonely specter for awhile to talk and have company, he begins to teach her things on herbs and how to heal others with them. Due to there being no official woman doctors at the time, Lorelei instead becomes a Wiccan doctor, using herbs, certain parts of trees and water, and other nature resources the Godson showed her to help people. She kept with her an old Roman coin; both for luck and also so the Godson could aid her from possessing it if necessary. What tChristopher didn’t tell her was that the coin was a gift that Death had given once as a reward for completing his training. Flashing forward to the beginning of the last wish where Lorelei assisted the Doctor of Del Mar in healing Puss. Not feeling right about Puss leaving in a huff after learning he’s on his last life, Lorelei follows him to the bar, and notices how quiet her ghost mentor is then and wonders why…as she sat somewhere far off, she hears the whistle and Death’s approach. At first she believes him to be a skilled bounty hunter, but realizes something is off with both how he words things and the fact he can smell fear…most animals can smell blood, but not emotions. So after the ‘Pick it up’ moment, Lorelei pulls a ‘Nope!!” And snags up Puss and runs…not realizing Death is staring at the coin necklace she has on… ~~~~~~~~~~ Some facts about the both of them: Lorelei: -Age is 24 present day -Speaks with a German accent, kind of a tribute to the tale being by the Brothers Grimm -While Christopher in his life craved money and personal gain, Lorelei geniunely wanted to help out everyone she came across who was ill and such. Christopher notes this and even said she would have made a better doctor than him at the time -As a Wiccan doctor, she is partial to spells involving the earth, as it involves healing, but is knowledgeable of water spells -She never performs spells in malicious intent, even if one has wronged her -that being said, she will make sure her clients, patients, and friends are out of harms way -has a few nicknames; 'Lore', 'Lei-lei', 'Kinder' (Christopher), 'Nina Bruja' (Puss), 'Scrawny' (Goldilocks) Christopher -his ghost at first drifted, but later on stayed attacted to the roman coin Death gave him -at first saw Lorelei as a student, but grew to see her as a daughter figure of sorts -his doctor's mask is that of a wolf's -is more protective than let on and often tries to hurry Lorelei from what he'll percieve as danger -has regrets when it comes to Death, and a lot of unresolved resentment (and vice versa) -wishes he'd appericiate life more when he still had it ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A bit of a work in process, but I'm happy with it so far~! Lorelei belongs to me This version of Death's Godson/Christopher is mine Godfather Death belongs to Brother's Grimm Puss and Boots belongs the Brothers Grimm/Giovanni Francesco Straprola/Dreamworks

[blueflyingturtleontheway]

Previously on Blue's Bafflegabs:

BUT as some of you may have already guessed, the Fates had a different plan for me.

Yes, I did watch the entirety of Hercules (1997) in Polish and in English, two times, scene after scene and analyzed every line, and I am going to expose you all to the consequences

But first some general info, shall we? First of all I'd like to vocalize the utter ADMIRATION I feel towards Ms Elżbieta Łopatniukowa, the Polish translator, the woman, the myth, the legend, she did absolute God's (or shall I say gods'?) work on this movie. But it probably wouldn't be what it is if not for the amazing director, Ms Joanna Wizmur, the woman who would later go on to direct Shrek, which is said to have revolutionized Polish dubbing industry, so you know we're talking about A Level™ here. They along with Mr Filip Łobodziński were truly the perfect team to create this mastery of dubbing.

I have to say that this movie was more of a problem for me than Encanto, and than I honestly expected, because, I'll admit, I didn't understand many parts of the original dialogues (thank you beautiful person who added good English subtitles, I am eternally indebted to you.) But the problem wasn't just the accents or old audio, you know? No, the reason is actually an interesting artistic technique used when writing the movie- there is a ton of slang put in the dialogue and frankly? It's genius. Usually, I'm against putting lots of slang and references in movies because it ages badly, sounds unnatural and doesn't fit into most settings (I am looking at you Raya), but here it was handled so well, it not only didn't bother me it even added to the story.

I don't know enough about American slang to say for sure but I have a few theories as to why it worked out where so many have failed before and after it. First, Hercules is first and foremost, a comedy. Yes, it's also a family movie which is why they changed the whole myth in the first place, but the narrative is comedic for like 90% of the story - this movie doesn't treat itself too seriously, therefore slang and colloquialisms are perfectly welcome. Another reason, equally if not more important, is the consistency, because the worst a story can do is throw in a slang term out of the blue. The tone and language used throughout the movie is announced in the first minute, when the muses interrupt the first narrator and from then on, almost every character uses the same level of formality in their speech, the gods, the Greeks, the Fates, everyone - so it's not jarring, this is the status quo where actually formal talk would be considered a deviation. And my third theory, the least probable and backed up by the least amount of knowledge, since I have no idea how outdated this slang was back when the movie was written, but the fact that it's not used anymore works in its favour. Just think about it, a movie set in Ancient Greece and the characters use... "ancient" slang from the 90s or earlier. It's a sort of a meta joke I'd say.

And I explained all that to note, that the Polish translator handled it perfectly... If not better than the original. Because you see, not only do the dialogues consist in a big percent of outdated Polish slang and are unique for the important characters (okay mainly Phil), but they also include a lot of more or less noticable references to the classical culture, so it combines the Ancient and the "ancient" aspect of the movie even better.

So if that's all said and you know what to look out for, let's dive right into the movie! (I suppose the most comfortable way of reading this would be if you had the movie in the background or remember it really way because I have once again, not specified a lot)

+ “No to lu, panienki” fantastic line, I love it. It’s basically what he says in English ("You go, girl") but the vibe✨

= They didn’t translate the innuendo and instead Thalia (yes, I did look up the muses’ names specifically for this post) says just “Would any of us resist him?” but I’ll let you decide if it’s for better or worse

* Just like with Encanto each song will get its own post

+ Hera says just “let’s lay down now” instead of “behave yourself” which makes her sound even more like a good mother, which I guess she is supposed to be in this movie

- Hermes calls himself “king” when he tells other gods to let him through, which is clearly only a metaphor for how cool he is but meh I don’t really like it

* I literally do not understand what he meant when he told Hera about those flowers so let’s ignore that

+ Hermes says that the party is “godly” which really is the word we use in the same way like “fabulous” but here it also acts as a pun 😁

^ Imma use this symbol for talking about non translation related stuff, because I just have to note that whatever the accent Hera has is called, it made me confused for a good while what the heck is “dee-ya” that she says, before I turned on the subtitles

^ It was "dear". I'm not even going to think about English pronunciation anymore.

+ “Herkulesik” 🥺 Using a diminutive here just makes it even better

+ And now HERE things start to get interesting, because in the og dub Hades says that he hasn’t been so choked up since he got a hunk of moussaka stuck in his throat. Moussaka is of course a traditional Greek dish, so this is a cool cultural reference. BUT. In Polish he instead talks about a tuber of asphodel and you may be asking, but what is an asphodel? Why, asphodel is a kind of flower that not only was believed to be the food of the dead, by the Ancient Greeks, but also was said to grow on the Asphodel Meadows near the Styx in the Underworld. That’s how good the references are in this dubbing.

- The pun of “a sucker for the little sucker” couldn’t been conveyed :(

^ Again I am thankful for the subtitles because I swear I’d understand “you ought to slow down” as “yo, slow down”

+ And here’s an interesting thing! As I watched the English version I was wondering how’d they translate Panic’s name, because the word “panic” is in Polish feminine “panika” and turns out they just made it a male name kinda by force, cutting off the “a” and making him just Panik (I’d also say it sounds quite cute in Polish :3)

^ I swear where do they get the words like uncouth and lugubrious from

^ I mean objectively I love it when children/not very serious media uses smart/scientific words but do you realize the amount of googling I had to do for this movie

^ I just have to say that the fact that the anglophones pronounce Zeus as Zoos, or as we’d write it, Zus, is just quite funny for Poles XD

+ “Zeus, ruler of the universe and its surroundings”

- No alliteration :(

+ I’m sorry but the line “Ja wiem, kapuję, ja to wręcz przyswajam” is just so iconic, and it uses such perfectly colloquial language I don’t think I can translate it back into English

* “Taking control of the business” I’d say it’s better, but then again once I googled what a bid is, the og is also pretty funny

^ Oh did I mention how much nostalgia will cloud my judgment

^ Because it absolutely will

* I have to say how much I love the fact they use the form “Tytany” instead of “Tytanów” because it’s the archaic form and it’s nice :>

+ Hades paraphrases Polish idiom of “question for 10 points” by saying “question for 10 obols” :D

= I don’t know, google says that “Grecian formula” might be a reference to a hair product and if it is, it’s funnier than in Polish, where Herc just gets called a firefly (which I’d say is still funny)

+ Szhchc instead of “potion” in Polish Pain says “flacha” which means specifically a bottle of alcohol :’D

+ In Polish they call him specifically “Sunday coachman” instead of just “driver”

^ Btw I had no idea this idiom is also used in this meaning in English that’s cool

- I kinda wish they conveyed the “Pop” somehow, but I suppose we really don’t have that many synonyms for “dad” in Polish

+ Demetrius says “oh gods” instead of “oh my goodness” :D

+ Wait they give him name only in the Polish dub huh

* And with Phidias that makes it two famous sculptors’ names :D

^ Hsbhbhhibda NOT only does the guy say five is an even number, he also puts out only four fingers :’D

* OKAY AND I LOVE THIS ONE

* BECAUSE

+ Instead of “maybe we should call him Jerkules” they make a direct callback to the famous translation of “Non Hercules contra plures” as “I Herkules dupa kiedy wrogów kupa” (something like “Even Hercules is an ass when going against a mass” (mass as in many people)) except since this is a kids movie they can’t say “ass” so the kids say “zupa” (soup) which is exactly how kids censor their swear words, so not only is this a fantastic reference to the Latin quote, but also it genuinely sounds like something a kid would say

+ Again the merchant exclaims “oh gods!” I feel like they generally use this more in Polish

+ Amphitryon uses the diminutive of “son”, “synek” :3

^ Jesteś bogiem, wyobraź to sobie sobie – Zeus, totalnie

- Aw I suppose it was about the length, but I wished they used the actual phrase “wstrzymaj konie” instead of the one they did, it would be a literal translation of “hold your horses” too

+ Philoctetes uses many russianisms (which is fascinating and works fantastically character wise, but there'd be much more cultural, social and linguistic knowledge required and we don't have time for that anyway, so just trust me when I say it's genius) and talks exactly like an old creepy uncle would 12/10 amazing job

+ Herc inflects Phil’s name into vocativus and I have to say it just sounds so endearing

- We don’t have “go the distance” being used and referenced so consistently through the movie :<

+ Abhcbzhscbjh “filuj Filu” :’D See, it’s a pun because “filuj” means something like “watch” but it does sound like his name too (Phil in Polish is written Fil)

+ There's this subtle difference in acting but I love how in English Phil just asks "Zeus?" whereas in Polish it's really "Zeus?!" it's about the emotions y'kno

^ AHAHCBJHB I love watching this movie after I’ve read some Greek tragedies, because Thebes

+ “Wonderboy” got translated literally but you know what, I think it’s kinda charming

+ Awww Herc diminutes Phil’s name to “Filcio/u”

* Ayyy another russianism from Phil, he calls Herc a “gieroj”, I’ve already noted it as a plus, but I have to appreciate how consistent they are with this

+ AND Phil also uses an archaic form of “żeś zobaczył” instead of “że zobaczyłeś”

- Megara’s iconic line of “(…) at least they would if I had any friends” got translated as well as it could’ve but it still doesn’t sound as good :(

+ Hhzbchz Meg says “it’s been godly” instead of “it’s been a real slice” (dw it sounds more natural in Polish) and y’know, unconscious foreshadowing

+ Btw Hercules uses the formal you for Megara for this whole interaction!

+ Instead of just theme park, Meg says straight up Disneyland XD

+ So was “I’m a bunny – and I’m his gopher” a reference to something? Because if not then Polish reference to Winnie the Pooh with “and I’m his relative and friend” (based on the Polish translation of Rabbit’s “friends-and-relations”) wins

- Asolkscoao to keep the pun with Meg’s name – the original nut-Meg – Meg gets called Meg-alomania :’D

+ “You were supposed to get the river guardian on my – and by the way the only right – side” >>>> “I thought you were going to persuade the guardian into joining my side for the uprising”

* Okay so I have to ask just because it keeps racking in my brain – is the “Peloponnesian minute” a reference to something? Is it true you guys say stuff like “New York minute” to just mean quickly???

* Bhbshbjh it’s not exactly better but “Herkulesów jak mrówków” just cracks me up

= Instead of “Britanny” the popular girls name is said to be “Izaura” as a reference to the TV show and I don’t know, I suppose they both work but in a different way, Izaura fits cause it’s a Latin name so it sounds natural in this setting, but I suppose it was part of the joke in the og dub to contrast Jason and Britanny (although with how popular modern name Jason is, at least for me, it completely doesn’t sound ancient)

This was already almost three pages of my doc so I'll divide this analysis into two parts and then, like before, make a separate post for each song.

Hope you enjoyed this one and see you soon!

Edit: second part is up!

[kyndaris]

Two Veterans and a Nurse...

Not knowing if one date was enough to get the proper feel of a person, I organised a second date with Pickles. At that particular moment, all the way back in October, I wasn’t sure who to pick between him and Shrek. After all, our first meet-ups were similar but also quite different. I’d learned a lot more about Pickles’s life and was enjoying our chats on Messenger (after I’d successfully stalked him on the socials after receiving a business card for his podcast. It does beggar the question that maybe being a private detective would be the perfect job for me?), whereas Shrek was easier to talk to because of the fact that we both grew up in ethnic families that had specific views on our marital status.

That, and the fact that I wanted to watch a movie and had some time off work. The film I wanted to see, however, didn’t have any sessions after 5PM. And honestly, See How They Run would have probably been much more humorous than what Amsterdam turned out to be (despite all the big names in it).

But perhaps I ought to have taken the night to watch See How They Run. Alas, the universal perception that watching a film by your lonesome in a cinema is cringe won through. On the other hand, Saoirse Ronan was in it.

Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Still, those are regrets that I ought to unpack another time. For now, I shall eagerly look forward to Glass Onion. From a few comments I’ve seen online, it’s apparently even better than Knives Out. And that was a film that caught me by surprise. Besides, who doesn’t love Daniel Craig’s over the top southern accent?

Back to the date at hand!

A bit like the first time I met Pickles, we convened outside his place of work in the city. From there, and emboldened at my initial excellent choice for food, I directed us towards some delicious sushi - with a brief stopover at a local JB Hi-Fi to pick up A Plague Tale: Requiem! Nigiri, hand rolls, gunkan and even side dishes! All for the low, low price of $4.20.

Except, to my dismay, he didn’t much like avocado! Raised Jewish, he also wasn’t much into shellfish like prawns. Nor did he like scallops!

He didn’t even touch the nigiri! And the tuna he had was always cooked. No raw fish! The very essence of sushi to some!

I had failed.

At the very least, that was how I felt as we headed towards the cinema, the tickets for Amsterdam nestled in my leather Mickey Mouse wallet after I’d purchased it beforehand. Once there, PIckles bought a medium-sized popcorn. An ample snack for a growing man.

I, on the other hand, was never much of a snacker. And rightly told him so before we found our seats and prepared ourselves for the wilm.

What to say about Amsterdam?

For one, there were a lot of big-name celebrities. From Anya Taylor-Joy to Christian Bale to Margo Robbie to Rami Malek to Robert de Niro. Taylor Swift even made a cameo!

So, you would think with such a diverse cast of actors, it would be much more entertaining than it was. After all, the trailers sold it as a comedy whoddunnit mystery. But, in all honesty, the comedic stylings were too far and few between. Or just a bit too much on the subtle side. There were a few chuckles here and there but nothing that had me guffawing. Except maybe how dramatic Taylor Swift’s death was when she got pushed in front of a car.

Rather, Amsterdam was a fictional interpretation of real events. And honestly, it was interesting to see how the Western world had to grapple with the growing threat of fascism back in the early 1930s.

In many ways, I also felt like I had failed in choosing the event as well. The movie wasn’t as funny as I had hoped.

In any case, after the movie was over, there was hardly any time to debrief - a most definite thing that ought to have happened - as my train was in five minutes and if I didn’t catch it, I would have also had to wait another thirty minutes. So, with a hasty goodbye, my time with Pickles came to a close.

On the ride home, though, we managed to exchange a flurry of messages. 

Alas, it was not to be.

Our brief acquaintanceship would remain as it was, never to blossom into a full-fledged romance. Why, you ask, dear reader?

Well, despite my miscalculations on food and possibly the movie, Pickles was also thinking of heading overseas. As an individual that places a lot of weight on physical touch (according to him), he would be desolate by the separation. As for me, physical touch probably sits near the bottom of my love languages. I’ve never been comfortable with people casually touching me in any intimate manner, like my lower back or warmly embracing me. And you can completely forget the air kisses. Eugh!

There were just too many things that weren’t clicking and he was also looking for something short-term.

Alas, it seemed that despite a strong initial showing, our budding relationship was to be relegated to the dreaded friend zone (not that I mind. It just makes these things easier for me. And is probably less scary in the long run. Basically, think of me like Anzu from Romantic Killer. After all, it’s a particularly apt comparison. Just, you know, without the demon Riri conjuring up terrible situations to put me in). 

So, what shall befall poor Kyndaris’s love life next? Will there be another contender that can tug at my heart strings?

Next time on Dating 2.0, looking forward to terrible teeth and an attempt at a ‘friendly catch-up!’