#Wait what country are lesbians from?

[sailoreddy]

[theinfinitedivides]

hey YRF if John and SRK don't have a homoerotic moment that sets the stage up for an AU hate f*ck at least once in this film just so we can fully cement the latter's consistently rumored sexuality i'm suing for damages

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[shamelessfaceless]

Navigation | Marvel Masterlist | Series Masterlist

1. The one and only Spider-Woman.

Pairings: WandaNat x F!Spidey!Polish!Reader, OC x Reader, Avengers x Reader (Platonic)

Summary: When your girlfriend cheated on you, you decided to finally accept Tony Stark's offer.

Warnings: Cheating with man, sad R, Homophobia

Wc: 1.2k

A/n: I will put my whole heart in this series😭 Next parts are gonna be longer.

You promised yourself you would always smile  while wearing your mask. For this reason your mask was showing the bottom of your face. It was your own project and it had a special place in your heart. You wanted to show people that nitatter what you are doing, and who you fight with, you will always smile, just be happy that you can protect innocent people. Another reason why you projected your mask like that, was the fact that you have fangs. It's not like you use them often, but they can be really helpful. One little bite, and can paralysis villains for a while. S.H.I.E.L.D knew about your existence, and wanted you to join avengers. They even send to you the one and only Tony Stark with Nick Fury. You decided to wait. It was your last month of school, and you had a girlfriend you didn’t want to leave alone.

You graduated with not so bad grades, and you passed all your exams with almost the best scores in your class. You hoped your girlfriend would be with you, but she texted you at the last minute that she needed to take care of her sick mother. You believed her. How could you not? She was almost the most important person in your life. So in the evening you decided to visit her, her mother knew you really well, and was happy her daughter had someone like you. Well, she didn’t know you were a couple, she was a typical homophobic christian, just like most people in your country. 

Only thing in her room you could see was how deep she was in kissing a guy. She didn’t even notice you opened the door to her room. Looking in her cold eyes made your stomach flip. You don't even know how... no, when this happened. You don't know when she met him, when he started being the reason she's smiling everyday, when she stopped caring about you. Only thing you can look at are her sky blue eyes you loved looking at. You were always finding your safe space in her, now the only thing you see in her eyes is how much she is disgusted in you. Her words were something you were expecting. You weren't enough. He is a man, of course she would want to be with him, how could she love a girl? You were just stupid thinking he was just her friend.You tried so much to not end up like before. But everything is always the same. You are trying your best, but they are always choosing someone else, someone who isn't so complicated, someone who is.. pure. The most important, they always will choose someone who will fuck with them after a week of dating. They don't understand why you care about romantic things, when you could just let them fuck you. They are animals chasing their own pleasure, don't giving fuck about true love. 

It was the first time when you put on your mask and did wear your bright smile. 

There was no reason for you to stay. Your friend moved out a long time ago, and for you, your online friends were enough. Your parents were dead. At least for you. Just like you were dead for them. They didn’t want a Lesbian daughter, and you hated them for all the traumas they gave you. You half lived on the street. Most of the time you were spending in school or saving your country. You showed up in your home only if you needed to take a shower or books for school. 

“What are you thinking about kiddo?” Tony asked, putting hand on your back.

“You know, just how my girlfriend cheated on me few hours ago, and now Im part of fucking Avengers” You didn’t even looked at him. You only look at changing numbers signaling that you were higher every second. 

After running away from your girlfriend's house, you called Tony. Only thing  you wanted was to leave as far away and as fast as you could. Break ups were always hard for you. You just wanted to feel loved, feel important for someone. Looking at the sunset on top of one of the buildings was your way to say goodbye to the country you truly love. You promised yourself, you will start a new and better life. No thinking about the past. You need to let it go, and life looking at the future. You knew it would be hard, but you also knew you needed to do this. There's too many open wounds, just because you couldn’t let go thinking about the past every night. 

Pretending to smile while meeting everyone was the hardest part. Pretending to be happy while in the back of your mind the only thing you could think of was your exs, and how you couldn’t be enough for them. Tony left you just when you walked out of the elevator. Steve introduced himself and his friend Bucky. You gave them a polite smile and mumbled your name. You just wanted to go to your room and sleep the rest of the day. Next people that introduced themselves were Clint, Bruce and Sam. Last person was Natasha Romanoff. You learned from her that her wife Wanda is on the mission with Thor. 

“I hear slavic accent.”

“Oh, yeah…  I'm Polish.”

“Tony was one hundred percent sure you're from Russia.” You hate when people mistake you for Russian. It's not even like your languages sound super alike. 

“Chuj.” You said to yourself. “Uhm, nevermind.”You looked at the floor when she looked at you. Natasha just laughed it off and you smiled. 

(Chuj - Dick)

“I'm guessing you don’t know where your room is?” When your eyes met her forest green ones, you felt like you couldn’t look away, but you needed to. You didn't want her to take you for a freak. 

“Yeah… Stark just left me here, and didn’t show me anything.” You rolled your eyes.

“Come with me. Tony decides that you will take Wanda's old room. We have lived together for the past few years, so her room stood empty. It's next to ours.” She said pointing at one of the doors. “So if you need something you can always knock.”

“So… It was nice to meet the famous black widow.” You opened the door to your room. 

“It was nice to meet another spider.” After you closed the door you looked around the room. You didn’t take many things with you, so there wasn’t a lot to unpack. Just some clothes and books. Just a few minutes and everything was in their places. You looked out the window and a few seconds later at mask in your hands. 

After a while you were jumping between buildings. It's late at night, so one would rather see you. When you get tired of jumping, running and half flying, you sit at the top of a skyscraper.

“So It will be my new life. The spider-woman saving the world.” You laughed to yourself. “It's almost unbelievable."

TAGLIST:

@marvelwomen-simp @andersonsprincess @leenasayeed @sapphic-simp4015 @taliiiaasteria

[nonormallifepod]

Ever wanted to know what would happen if Supernatural starred a Jackie from Yellowjackets type and a hot butch whose name she only learned while getting patched up in a Circle K parking lot?

May we introduce you to...

Hey, we're Andrea (from @meandaupod) and Phoebe (of @underpressurepodcast), and we're working with the folks @thecritshow to bring you the early '90s lesbian Monster of the Week-flavored audio drama road trip you've been waiting for.

It’s 1991 and Anastacia has a mission from the gods: protect Lana King, The Chosen One, as she crisscrosses the country fighting the forces of evil. But Lana’s not so sure she’s the one who needs protecting. And the enormous crush Anastacia’s developing isn’t helping matters either.  If these two would-be monster hunters want to save the world they’re going to have to get their shit together. Or the results could be deadly…

If you love actual play podcasts featuring non-D&D systems, you might recognize Anastacia and Lana from @thecritshow, where they are beloved NPCs, best known for doing things like... uh. Shooting one of our heroes in the chest. But for mentorship reasons, we swear!

In No Normal life we're charting their early days, and their budding romance, in 10 brand-new, full-cast episodes.

Our demo episode, "Cast Out Evil" drops September 2024. To be the first to hear it, head over to Kickstarter and give us a follow. We'll be sharing it there first!

[kerrslvr]

london derby // sam kerr x beth england x reader

in which, after spurs vs chelsea ending in a draw, beth and sam end up winning your orgasms, which in that moment, is far better than a super league trophy.

warnings; 18+ strap ons, graphic smut, petnames, dom!sam, dom!beth, sub!reader, fingering, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, squirting, face sitting, probably more but writing this one fried my brain 👍🏼

this is basically just pwp. and it’s filth. and i haven’t written smut in months so it’s all a bit all over the place. but i was so excited to burst back onto the writing scene. sorry. enjoy lesbians xx

"hello?"

your voice echoed through the hotel room when you picked up the phone. it was late enough so that the sun had started to set, although, on a drizzly sunday in london, there wasn't much of a sun to set anyway.

at first you wondered who was calling the hotel phoneline. nobody really knew where you were staying other than your manager, who'd set you up in the hotel for a few days for work, but of course, when the voice sounded on the other end of the line; you realised it couldn't be anybody else.

"hey, sweetheart," beth's sickly sweet voice oozed through the phone, "still in london then, i hear?"

the smirk that planted itself on your lips was one you weren't quite able to remove, and your insides jumped at the thought of beth sneaking into your hotel room.

"yeah," you breathed, "how'd you know i was staying in walthamstow?"

"not just a pretty face, darling," you could hear the smugness in her voice before she'd even spoken, "now listen, i just had a shit game and need to blow off some steam, you up for it?"

after a day of trying to get a headstart on work before a busy few days, you really were up for it.

"you know i'm always up for it, bethy."

"good girl, i'll be there soon."

beth was a semi-frequent hook up of yours, and you both liked the company the other person gave you in and outside of the bedroom, she was older and the power she held was something you both enjoyed, yet she was able to be somebody you saw as a friend.

neither of you were ready for anything serious when you first started hooking up, and so it meant you could both get away with sleeping with other girls while she was at different places in the country.

plus, it also meant you'd gained quite the phonebook of famous faces, and interchanging which of beth's friends you'd chose to sleep with whenever they were playing near you was almost as fun as sleeping with beth herself.

you tried your hardest to keep yourself entertained while you waited, unpacking the rest of your things so they didn't crease in your suitcase, opening a bottle of wine from the mini fridge, you even managed to have just enough time for a quick shower.

as you tightened the belt on the hotel robe, there was a knock at the door in three quick successions, and if you were any more eager to get to the door you would've tripped over your own feet.

from outside the door, beth could hear the pitter-patter of your eager feet, and she waited patiently for you to unhook the latch.

"took long enough." you swung open the door, only to be greeted by not one, but two faces standing at your hotel room door.

there, standing in their respective training gear, stood beth and sam, her opponent from todays match, and another semi-frequent hook up of yours. you were positive your face went redder than a tomato, but your insides juxtaposed the feeling of embarrassment by backflipping into oblivion at the thought of what the two of them could do to you. together.

"had to make a quick pitstop," beth didn't wait for you to step aside so she could enter, and neither did sam. "do you know who sam is, darling? or do i need to make some introductions?"

they both stared at you blankly as you stood at the door, dumbfounded. in all the months you'd been hooking up with beth and her friends, you never expected to be caught out.

"beth's asking you a question, y/n. i suggest you answer her, and i suggest you tell the truth or else it won't end up very well for you, will it, princess?"

"n-no."

"no it won't end well, or no you don't know sam?" beth raised an eyebrow and admired you, as you stood there, silent. "come on, darling, you're on a clock here."

"n-no, it won't end well, yes, i know sam."

sam walked towards you, hands brushing against your robe, and it brought you back to reality. "and, how do you know sam?"

her hands slipped underneath the robe, fingertips cold against the soft, partially damp skin of your shoulders. she knew what she was doing, working you up, teasing you so you'd slip up and beth would know all your secrets. still, she'd probably fucked just as many of your friends as you had hers, so you figured you should call it even.

you looked up at sam, her brown eyes tantalizingly soft, despite holding so much dominance, so much eagerness to fuck the living daylights out of you.

"i know sam because, i, because we..." you took a moment to compose yourself, but sam's hands were roaming across your body under your pointless waffle robe, and beth was standing just as close to you now. "because we fuck too."

sam pushed at the hem of the robe, and it fell to your elbows, announcing your bare chest to the room. beth's hands carressed one of your boobs, and your nipple pebbled in the process. she couldn't help but let out a domineering chuckle.

"thank you for being honest, darling."

your breath hitched when sam's lips echoed the skin of your shoulder, leaving ghost-like kisses to your hot flesh. "you should know, neither of us are very happy. how long have you been lying?"

"not long."

beth's fingers pinched your nipple and you winced, "don't fucking lie."

"only a couple of months," your mouth worked faster than your brain in that moment, "we'd already been hooking up for a while when i started sleeping with sam, bethy. i promise 'm not lying."

sam's lips became more apparent on your skin, and beth continued to play around with your nipples, switching between the both of them with her soft but cold fingertips.

"you were so eager for this to happen that you didn't even bother putting on underwear, did you?" sam cooed, "i could see your tits through the robe before you'd even opened the fucking door."

sam's lips worked back up your arm, kissing around the curve of your boob until she'd latched herself onto a nipple, eliciting a moan from your mouth, and now beth had a free hand she was able to pull the robe off of your body completely, and she watched as your body ignited in goosebumps.

"you wanted this to happen, didn't you, baby? hm?" beth's hand instinctively wrapped around your neck and your lips parted. sam's hands took place of her mouth, pinching, rubbing and nicking at your nipples until they became puffy, just like she wanted them.

"i didn't know you were both going to show up," you shifted on your feet, and despite trying to help it, a smirk brushed across your cheeks, "but it was a nice surprise."

"god, you're in one of those insufferable fucking moods again," sam grunted, pinching both of your nipples together between her thumb and forefinger so hard it sent sharp jolts of pain up through your chest and down to your fingers. she turned to beth, as you reacted with a wince of pain.

"can you fucking stand her when she's in one of these moods?"

"she always seems to do it when she knows i'm pissed off with her, don't you babygirl?"

"no."

beth sucked her teeth, as if proving her point, and sam pulled you closer to her body by your nipples, and once again, instinctually wrapped her hand around your throat. the pain through your chest was intense, and sam's hand stopped a release of noise to tumble from your mouth.

"don't fucking lie," she said through gritted teeth, "beth's told you once, and if we tell you again you'll be left high and dry. do i make myself clear?"

silence fell upon the room and beth rolled her eyes, her hand coming into sharp contact with your bum as punishment for your lack of answer, and sam's hand contracted around your throat, "i said, do i make myself fucking clear?"

"y-yes." you choked out as best you could given your circumstance, and after sam left a hot, searing kiss to your lips, she pulled away from your throat as if she was never gripping it, although the mark of her hand across your neck said otherwise.

"right, here's whats going to fucking happen," beth tilted your face towards her, and you winced at the strain in your neck, "we are going to use you how we want, take out our frustrations on you, and all you have to do is lay there and take it. do you understand?"

"mhm," you nodded, voice gravelly, "i understand."

"good girl," sam cooed, "do you remember your colour system?"

if you weren't so desperate to be fucked you'd have slapped sam round the face. you introduced her - and beth - to the traffic light system. it was as if they were mocking you.

"yes," you breathed, "green for good, orange is i'm okay but i'm almost at my limit and red for stop."

beth's hand came around your face and you flinched, thinking she could read your mind and that she would slap you, but instead she caressed it slowly. "are you scared, angel?"

"n-no," you shrugged, "thought you were going to slap me."

"that's never made you flinch before, though love, has it?" sam cooed, unzipping her jacket and throwing it on top of your robe, and for a minute her face was lost in the fabric of her t-shirt until that too, landed in the pile of clothes behind you. it was as she sunk to her knees that you noticed the captains armband on her bicep, and you gulped. "but then again, maybe beth's doing it wrong."

beth simply rolled her eyes. they were friends, but they were also rivals, on the pitch, and now off the pitch, as they fought to make you cum.

you opened your mouth to speak, but instead the words caught in the back of your throat. sam's tongue trailed your pussy, purposely avoiding the two places you needed her the most, but that still didn't stop the tingling sensation in your tummy from building.

your eyes trailed to beth, who was also pulling her clothes from her body, the muscles in her arms flexing as she pulled off her shirt, and she too, was wearing her captains armband on her bicep, something that let a soft growl leave your lips.

sam's tongue finally found its rightful place on your clit and one hand immediately flung to her hair, a moan tumbling from your mouth. once beth was stripped down to her sports bra and underwear, she came around the back of you and kept you upright so you didn't hurt yourself.

if there was one thing you loved the most about hooking up with sam - it was her pussy eating. you could stand here in this moment for days and never get bored of the feeling. she loved knowing how much you loved it and she was a woman of her craft that never left you unsatisfied.

she settled into a comfier position and allowed herself to go to town on you, making you moan and cry within seconds of taking full control.

"does that feel good, darling?" beth asked, her hands cupping your tits and stimulating your puffy nipples as her lips grazed along your neck and sucked at the spot under your ear, making some blooming red spots of her own on your skin. your other hand found her wrist as you nodded.

"need.. m-more," you breathed, pushing her hand up to your neck, and both her and sam let out chuckles.

"god, youre so fucking needy," sam cooed, the vibrations of her voice making your clit twitch, "does it not embarrass you how needy you actually are?"

you bucked your hips up into sam's face after she'd spoken and it proved her point without you even opening your mouth. beth's lips were rampant on your neck, sucking harsh marks that were almost definitely already turning blue, and you sucked on her finger sloppily.

sam's tongue traced circles on your clit and your legs threatened to buckle at the embarrassing sensitivity. the bubble inside your stomach was building at a rapid rate and sam was purposely using that to her advantage, pulling your clit between her teeth and sucking on it as if it were a sweet.

you reached around to beth, fumbling for the line of her underwear, and when you slipped your finger under the waistband she gasped softly, allowing you to feel her as best you could.

the cotton was damp and you smirked around her finger as your own guided themselves as best they could to her clit through the awkward angle, and when your fingertip met with the bud she pulled away from your neck and bit the lobe of your ear.

"trying to make me cum too, princess? hm?" you nodded as an answer, unable to speak with her finger sitting on your tongue, "shouldn't you at least cum for sam first, baby?"

"she's far too greedy for that." sam's words were muffled and you ground yourself down onto her tongue, which only spurred her on further.

your pussy began to twitch, your breathing started to get heavier, and sam knew you were close to cumming, but she still expected you to ask.

"sam.. 'm gonna.. please can i-"

your own orgasm cut you off, ripping through your muscles like a knife and you were unable to control it. the hand that was in beth's underwear stilled and she held you in place by your neck so you didn't topple over onto the floor, and sam's tongue lay flat against your pussy as you rode out your orgasm.

sam's face glistened as she stood, and you couldn't help the urge to pull her in so you could taste yourself on her lips. she smirked against your skin, "one nil to me i'd say," sam looked across at beth, "what d'you think?"

"i think y/n's got a lot more where that one came from," she teased, releasing you from her grasp and pulling you across to the bed, "so really, sam, i'm not losing just yet."

you landed on the mattress with a soft thud, allowing the girls to admire you for a moment in the darkening room. sam undressed herself fully and crawled up onto the bed first, swiftly followed by beth, and the pair of them hovered over your face. the next few minutes were a blur of lips, unsure of who was kissing who, but it was a sight to behold.

"are you gonna stay nice and still for me, darling?" beth cooed into your ear, sending goosebumps over your arms. all you could do was nod, "i would say you need to stay quiet too, but i can read sam's mind like a book."

the pair of them shared a growing smirk, and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion until you watched sam hook her leg over your chest so she was straddling you, "i'll make sure she stays quiet and still, so don't worry too much about that."

beth's lips traced your hipbones, kissing along every inch of flesh until your leg flinched, while sam eased herself up and up until her pussy was inches from your face. your hands wrapped around her thighs to keep her in place - and to keep them from wandering down to usher beth to hurry up - and she teased you by using her strength to hover above you until beth was ready.

"what's your colour, sweetheart?"

"green, bethy."

one of sam's hands came down and brushed beth's bum as she moved further down your body, a gesture that sent your mind into a frenzy and you whimpered at the sight; although you knew better than to make too much of scene out of the ordeal.

your clit twitched at the sensation of spit trickling around it, and beth was doing her age-old spit trick to lube you up; not that you really needed it.

in the blink of an eye, sam had lowered herself right down onto your face until you had no choice but to use your tongue. you were nowhere near as good as sam or beth - they had a lot more years of experience than you did - but you were damn good.

as your tongue began to kitten lick sam's clit, beth's finger slid knuckle by knuckle deeper into your pussy, and you mewled at the sensation. sam's hands grabbed your boobs for balance, and she began to rock her hips in time with your tongue.

"fucking hell, i forgot how good this tongue really was," sam pulled up and let you regain some air, "hold it still for me then, angel. you know what i want to do."

you poked out your tongue, mouth slack and wide and you let sam sink back down onto it, riding it as if it were a dildo. she pinched a nipple in the process and a whimper tumbled from your mouth and vibrated around her right as beth added another finger, this time your pussy comfortable enough for her to push through further.

"should really have your pussy filled more often, shouldn't you, darling? it's so tight, like a little virgin. i bet you can't wait for one of us to fill it later."

"one of us?" sam questioned, sounding as cool as ever despite your tongue being an inch deep inside her, "i'm just as eager to fill it as you are."

the exchange of words was met with a garbled moan, and you pulled your tongue from sam's pussy so you could breathe momentarily, and you allowed yourself to moan at the movement of beth's fingers, silently praying for her to add another finger.

sam rocked back and forth on your tongue once more, and you licked around her swollen clit every time the tip of your tongue came into contact with it, while beth added another finger inside of you.

your palms started to sweat and you dug your fingers into the muscly flesh of sam's thigh so you were able to keep ahold of her while beth's tongue came into contact with your clit. you took a leaf out of her book and began to mimic the movements of her tongue on sam, to which she let out a loud moan of appreciation.

"god, you've got such a pretty pussy." beth cooed as she pulled away, and when sam leaned down to rub the tip of her nose around your clit and trickle a line of spit down the valley of your walls to meet beth's fingers, you struggled to keep your rhythm.

beth teased you by dragging another finger around your entrance and eagerly licked your sensitive clit in quick motions so you were left a wriggling, moaning mess. your moans vibrated along sam's pussy and she too, was a wriggling, moaning mess on top of you.

your grip released from sam's thigh and you tapped beth's leg, motioning for her to swing her hips round to your hands, which she did, and once again, your fingers found her pussy. beth took a sharp intake of breath and a moan tumbled from her lips when your middle finger began to circle her clit, and now the room was a cacophony of moans that warranted a neighbors complaint.

sam's hips began to rock over your face quicker now that she was starting to feel her orgasm approach, expletives consistently leaving her mouth as one of her hands moved up to her nipple and she played with it in time with yours.

you pushed beth's underwear down her legs as best you could with one hand, and you now had the perfect angle to slide a finger inside of her, and as you slid one into her, she slowly added the third, teasing finger inside you and she was able to let her moans reverberate across your sensitive pussy.

"oh, fucking hell, 'm gonna cum if you keep eating my pussy like that, baby," sam pulled away from your tongue for a second, and you were able to get a small glimpse of beth eating your pussy and moaned, "oh, you like that, do you?"

in response to sam's question, your pussy clenched and despite her not being able to feel it, she sensed the answer was yes.

"clenching all over my fingers, babygirl? god, you're so desperate to cum, aren't you?" beth asked, resting her head on your thigh as she watched her wet fingers slip in and out of you, "if you're that fucking desperate with just my fingers inside of you, i dread to think how desperate you'll be when i resort to other measures."

"get in fuckin' line, beth," sam groaned, slotting herself back over your face, "i'm still the only one out of the two of us thats made her cum so far."

you knew your orgasm wouldn't be much longer, and so you sped up the movement of your finger inside beth, adding a second and a third in quick motions. your jaw started to ache, and sam's hips started to rock back and forth much faster than they were before; she too, wanted to cum just as much as you did.

you continued to clench around beth's fingers and when she curled them up to your g-spot repeatedly, you were unable to control your body's reflexes. beth smirked and her mouth latched to your clit again, wanting desperately to taste you as you came.

"she's gonna cum, look at her poor little legs thrashing around," sam noted, leaning forward to grip at your thighs so they didn't thrash as much as they originally were. your fingers dug into sam's thigh as harsh as they could to let her know she was correct, but she leaned down so her hand brushed your throat, "you'll wait for me and beth to cum first before you do, do you understand?"

you mewled against sam's pussy and as a response, beth slapped your swollen clit, "do not make me ask again," sam spoke harshly. as a response, you just nodded. "good girl, now get on with it."

your tongue had never moved as fast as it did in that moment, and you curled your fingers inside beth just as she had done inside you, and both of them were left moaning, wriggling messes. it was quite fun to be on this side of the window, but you'd much rather be the one receiving than the one giving. especially when their head was as good as it was.

sam came first, her entire body shaking and her clit twitching as your name left her mouth repeatedly, and beth came not too much longer after, rocking back on your fingers and leaving you desperate for a release. your pussy ached, and your throat was dry, and now, you really were embarrassed about how desperate you were.

"p-please. c-can i cum now?"

sam moved so she was facing you, and she admired your face that was glistening with her wetness, while beth's lips dragged soft kisses across your pubic bone.

"i dunno," sam answered, turning to look at beth, "what do you think?"

beth's fingers curled inside of you once more and your body rippled at the sensation, "i think she's been good enough, if a little greedy."

and that was all the answer you needed. sam's mouth found one of your nipples and her hand focused on the other, while beth's focus was solely on your pussy. she loved watching it clench and drip as she fingered it and licked it. your legs began to tremble uncontrollably, and nobody was going to stop the earthquake of an orgasm that shattered through your body.

you moaned louder than you expected at the stimulation you were getting from all over, and your body couldn't hold back the aftershocks that rippled through it. the loud, wet noises of beth slurping up all your wetness left your mind reeling, and it was even worse when she began to exchange the liquid between the three of you, as if she was a mother bird feeding her children.

"jesus, you taste so fucking sweet," sam noted, wiping the trail of spit that fell from your lip and sucking it into her own mouth, "i could taste you every single day."

"join the club," beth replied, admiring her work of your limp body. she stuck a finger in your mouth and let you suck off the remaining juices to keep you occupied while she spoke to sam, "you or me first?"

"oh well, i think it's only fair y/n shows you how incredible her tongue really is," sam's cocky smirk came back, "unless you'd rather let me have a second ride."

beth rolled her eyes and you couldn't help but flicker your gaze between the two of them. "i don't mind going second, means shes going to be uncontrollable," she looked down at you and stroked your face with the hand that was just in your mouth, and a damp trail of her spit covered finger was left across your cheek, "colour, darling?"

"i'm. uh, green. i think."

"you think?" sam asked, genuinely a bit concerned. "if you want to stop, darling all you have to do is say."

"n-no, i don't, not yet," your hand found hers in a sweet gesture, "i'm just getting a little tired, but im green."

sam placed a kiss to your hand and beth stroked your cheek, "you know we'll take excellent care of you, don't you, princess?"

you nodded in response, and sam released your hand so she could walk to her overnight bag, fumbling for whatever it was she was looking for. while she did that, beth caught you in a steamy make out and was able to shift you around, so she was now laying back on the pillows and you were hovering over her, your ass already perked up and waiting eagerly for sam's return.

you were so eager to finally taste beth that you didn't even hear the shuffling of sam's feet on the floor. you didn't notice her presence behind you until you felt the cold sensation of lube trickling down your thighs.

your fingers massaged the skin around beth's pussy and you turned round to face sam, standing behind you adorning your favourite strap of hers. it made you feel all warm and mushy inside knowing that her and beth brought your favourite toys with them so they could watch you crumble.

"why've you turned round, darling?" sam asked, her hand working up and down the shaft of the penis harnessed around her waist, "shouldn't you be making beth cum?"

you mewled at the mixture of the sight before you and the words leaving her lips, and then you felt beth's hand on your chin, yanking you back around to face her. "don't focus on sam, y/n. focus on me. understand?"

her voice was stern, but she had a soft look in her eyes.

"yes, beth, i understand."

she kissed you softly and then her hands juxtaposed her actions when she forced your head down to her crotch. as soon as your tongue came into contact with beth's clit, her head landed on the headboard and her eyes rolled back into her head, she was already sensitive and the sight of you about to be fucked by one of her friends was already sending her into overdrive.

as you got into a slow, soft rhythm, sam slid herself inside you and the stretch made you cry. sam's hips forced closer and closer to your bum until the strap was all the way inside of your pussy and it left you reeling.

you waved your hand across your back and sam grabbed ahold of your fingers, looping them together with hers. "everything okay?"

"mhm," you nodded, lifting your head up from beth's crotch, "jus' need you to stay there for a minute."

beth smirked up at sam, "bless her, she's really not been fucked in a long time, has she?"

"clearly not," sam pulled out and repeated the action, her hips drawing closer and closer to your skin, "do all the other girls not fuck you as good as us, baby? hm?"

"n-no," you choked out, "you two are the b-best."

your mind reeled as you slipped your tongue between beth's folds, and you soon realised that you would end up doing anything they wanted you to in that moment, and you knew they knew that too.

your body reacted quicker than you did as sam's hips began to thrust in an even rhythm, allowing you to adjust and wriggle accordingly. beth's moans were like sweet music to your ears as you continued to eat her out. her sweaty body was shaking with adrenaline, and the need to cum by your mouth, and you wished you could stay in the moment forever.

"less admiring, more eating," beth stated, punctuating herself with a slap to your cheek that was light enough to not hurt but daring enough to leave you reeling, "or else we'll tie you up in the corner and watch us do it to each other while you sit there crying."

"she'd probably fucking enjoy that," sam muttered, every word formed with a thrust, "but then again i couldn't stand to listen to her incessant whining."

"your choice, sweetheart."

your body was reeling now, and you knew it wouldn't be long before your third orgasm of the night washed over you, but you wanted to put all of your remaining effort into beth. you struggled to find a rhythm that your exhausted tongue could keep up with, and then beth started to grind her hips and it felt much easier for you to keep up with getting her to cum.

"starting to wear out, darling?" beth asked, a question that wasn't patronizing on paper, but in execution.

"mhm," you mumbled as you continued your plight, "but i wanna k-keep going."

"christ, you're like a bitch in heat," sam said, her own hips struggling to find rhythm at the nearing of her release, "can't seem to throw in the towel, can you baby?"

you shook your head and the feeling of your tongue sliding along beth's pussy made her jolt, and you completed the action until her mouth went slack. her hands grabbed bunches of your hair and held you in place as her second orgasm washed through her, your name tumbling out of her mouth like a mantra.

"sam... i... i don't know how much longer i can hold it," you croaked once beth had released your head. "p-please."

you reached around and grabbed sam's hand, and she held it at your lower back as she regained a newfound force to fuck you with, shoving you forward until your face landed in the space of duvet between where beth's legs were previously placed.

you didn't even realise beth had moved away from her spot in front of you until you felt her fingers circling your clit. your mind went numb in that moment as you struggled to find the words to announce that you were cumming, instead just a slur of screams and swears all rolled into one.

beth's hand came into contact with the skin of your cheeks and you hummed as you came to, "still feeling up for one more round?" she asked, "it'll be over so quickly, darling. you'll barely even feel it."

"o-okay," you nodded, and leaned in for a kiss which beth obliged, "but only if i get to sit between sam's legs so i can rest."

your eyes fell on sam as she slipped her legs out of the strap harness, and she'd never looked at you with so much care in her eyes before. "of course you can," she kissed your head, "our sleepy little girl."

your pussy was aching so much by this point, but you absolutely loved the way beth fucked you, and you weren't letting the evening end without feeling her for at least a few minutes. sam got comfy, her legs spreading out wide that her ankles hung over the edges of the bed, leaving you plenty of room to get comfy between them.

your head fell to the crook of her neck and she hooked her arms underneath yours so she was able to play with your nipples, and coax along your orgasm by flicking your clit if it was needed.

you watched beth with hooded eyes as she put on her strap harness, adorning your favourite strap of hers much like sam had done, and if you weren't so exhausted it would've amused you that they probably planned this prior to today's game.

it worked in beth's favour that you were clinging onto the edge of consciousness. she knew she'd end up getting waterworks and this was her favourite part of having sex with you - you didn't give up until you had nothing left to give.

"remember, darling, if you want to stop at anytime, all -"

"- i have to do is say red, i know," you nodded, your hair tickling sam's chin as beth lined up in front of you, "i remember."

"of course you do," she smirked, and punctuated her next sentence by gently easing her dick inside of you, "our clever little girl."

you gasped at the feeling of another dick sliding easily inside of you. this one was slightly curved, meaning it hit your g-spot almost instantly when beth hit the right angle.

sam’s hands wandered around your sweaty body, her damp finger pads drawing soft, gentle circles over your nipples that made them feel as if they were on fire.

beth knew she didn’t have time to waste, and so she flung one of your legs over her shoulder, and it earned her a rather excitable moan from you. the angle felt much better now, and her dick hit your g-spot with such ease that it left you feeling dizzy.

“f-fuck, beth, c-can you feel it?”

“i can feel it all, princess,” she oozed confidence and it sent a swarm of butterflies into your lower stomach, “i love it when your body’s got a mind of it’s own, can’t you feel yourself dripping down your legs?”

you shook your head at her question, and while one of sam’s hands stayed firmly planted on your nipple, one travelled down south to your clit, which throbbed as she touched it.

“y/n,” sam’s breath was hot on your neck as her lips travelled across the red skin, “you’re so fucking wet it’s unbelievable.”

“i-i can’t feel it,” your eyebrows furrowed, “w-why can’t i feel it?”

“because you’re being fucked so good, babe,” beth changed her angle again, this time bringing herself lower so she was closer to your face, and the hit of the g-spot felt exceptionally good now, and she smirked when you moaned again, “see?”

sam rolled her eyes but you chose to ignore their playful banter and focus on your imminent orgasm. beth’s thrusts were strong, and you watched as her dick slipped in and out of your pussy, each time trickles of wetness fell onto the duvet and made the bed wetter and wetter.

“do you trust me?” she asked.

“always,” you replied, “i’ll always trust you. both of you.”

“good, cause once i do this we all know what’s going to happen, and it’s going to be messy.”

beth hooked your other leg over her shoulder, and you screamed out at the pleasure coursing through your body. her dick was relentlessly hitting your g-spot with every thrust, and your body began to thrash at the sheer pleasure it was feeling.

sam tried her best to hold you down while flicking your clit, her lips nibbling your ear as she watched with eager eyes and anticipation.

“b-beth…. ‘m gonna…. can’t hold it any longer.”

within seconds of the broken sentence leaving your lips, your body went limp. you’d well and truly lost control of your clenching muscles and couldn’t stop the release from happening even if you wanted to.

the bedsheets underneath you grew in wetness, and felt as if they’d been soaked in a bathtub. sam’s fingers continued to toy with your clit as your muscles continued to contract and release bodily fluids all over the three of you, particularly yours and sam’s legs and beth’s face, but none of you minded.

you managed to conjure up enough strength in your weak arms to push sam’s hand away from your pussy when you’d eventually stopped cumming, and beth slid off the strap and came to your aid almost immediately after that.

the two of them shifted you so you were sat in the middle of them, your dead weight, exhausted body split between the two of them. sam wiped the dampness from your cheek while beth kissed your temple, both of them consistently praising how well you did, how proud they were.

“you did such a good job tonight, babe,” sam noted, shifting her weight slightly so she could reach across to the table at the side of the bed and grab your bottle of water, “what do you need now? here, drink.”

sam held the bottle to your lips and you glugged the liquid eagerly, and as the water brought you back to a sense of life, you felt embarrassed about your appearance.

“i, uh, i’d quite like a bath.”

“we can run you a bath,” beth kissed your temple again, and soon her fingers entwined with yours, “want us to stay? or go?”

“i want you to stay,” you mumbled, your mouth working faster than your brain, “both of you, just for a bit.”

sam rolled off the bed and scooped you up between her arms, carrying you slowly towards the bathroom as beth darted in to run your bath.

“okay,” sam looked down at your exhausted figure, “we’ll stay. for a while.”

[stealth-liberal]

Whew, I have a lot to say, and I know for a FACT that not a single non Jewish person on here will give a shit... but I have to vent.

Antisemitism in America is so bad that I honestly don't know if it's safe to send my daughter off to college in 2 years. She doesn't know either. Both of us have discussed her staying home and doing as much of her university education online, so as to keep her safe. She has sensory issues and an anxiety disorder... and already she has been rejected all over the place in her high school campus since 10/7.

The Women's Empowerment Club? The club leader has made it so that no female Jewish student feels safe there, and all of them quit. The little leftist neo nazi in charge of it probably cheered as they left and patted herself on the back for her "praxis". Maybe she can start goose stepping and yelling "Heil Hitler!" while she's at it. But she's not unique. Feminist organizations the world over deny mass rape of Jewish women. Why? Because it's Me Too Unless You're a Jew. They want us all raped and in the grave. Period.

The Pride Club? Forget it. All queer Jewish kids are persona non grata there. Apparently it's cool if Jewish queers are the subject of violence... and I can't say more or I'll start wanting to kill people. I am bisexual, my husband is bisexual, our daughter is lesbian. I have been part of this community since I was 12 as an ally and since I was 15 as a bisexual (took me some time to figure out what I was). My daughter came out in 4th grade for G-d's sake. We've been there, fighting the fight and now... queer organizations all over the world are abandoning us. They honestly hope we will all die, the more violently the better.

I was a proud intersectional feminist and a proud queer woman my whole life. Or at least ever since I could make decisions about that sort of stuff and what I believed. And I have been abandoned, my daughter has been abandoned, for blood sport. Her friends are pulling away from her and we all know why... because she committed the unpardonable sin of being Jewish.

Funny part? The Muslim Student Union has done nothing to her or the other Jewish kids on campus. Ponder that thought leftists if you will.

My son is in 8th grade and for the entirety of his 6th and 7th school years he was relentlessly bullied for being Jewish. We live in a red town and it was right wing antisemitism. It was so bad that I had to remove him for his safety from the school for a while. Now? It's left wing as well, he's catching it from both sides and I don't know how to protect him.

No one cares. Frankly, if my 13 year old son committed suicide to get away from it all... they would throw a party. Another dirty Jew/Zionist down... am I right? None of you give a fuck.

I marched, I protested, I voted, I phone banked. I lived my beliefs in action, and the left betrayed me. They fantasize about me and my children being raped and murdered. The more graphically it could happen, the better for them. Frankly, I think they get off to the videos Hamas released in the privacy of their rooms at night.

There's nowhere to run. Israel isn't an option. I know everyone thinks Jews are dripping in wealth... but I frankly do not have enough money to move my family to the other side of the planet. My husband is in IATSE, the stage hand local. There are no jobs waiting for him there. There are no jobs waiting for me there. I have no family there. Neither does he.

Actually, my husband isn't Jewish. I am, our children are, but he is not. He supports us in our Jewishness 100%, but he is not a Jew and he never wanted to convert. Which is fine with me... but how the hell does that work in a country where there is no civil marriage?

I'm not Orthodox, I don't want to be Orthodox. I want full egalitarianism, so I go to Reform, Renewal, or Conservative synagogues, depending on what is closer to wherever I live. Israel is a VERY Orthodox country, and the options are Orthodox or completely secular. This is a criticism I've been laying at Israel's feet for DECADES.

And Jew Haters better not use this as a way to say how awful Israel is. Not when the countries surrounding Israel are either dictatorships or absolute power, divine right monarchies who kill dissenters constantly.

So... there's really nowhere for my family to go. So I guess I'll stay where I am being a liberal Jew and waiting for the sick marriage of MAGA and Leftists to come to my door and kill me and my family.

None of you care. All of you would cheer. I'll never trust any of you again for the rest of my life. Till the day I die... I'll never trust any of you in any part of my life (online or offline) again.

1 in 5 members of Gen Z think the Holocaust didn't happen. 2/3rds of Gen Z think stories of the Holocaust are exaggerated and that Jews were somewhat complicit in what happened to us. Blame the victim...amirite? The rates amongst Millennials are not as horrific... but they're still bad. You all are going to commit a 2nd Holocaust and pat yourself on the backs. And when history remembers you all as the Nazis part 2... you will babble in your nursing homes that you were "Just trying to save the world from the Zionist/Jewish scourge."

When that happens, I hope you die in a puddle of your own shit.

[old-acc-gaylorscatmeredith]

Hits different is the most explicitly gay song Taylor has ever released

'Bet I could still melt your world, argumentative, antithetical dream girl' she is directly addressing her dream girl here. She's saying she could melt the dream girl's world. Literally what else could that possibly mean?

'I used to switch out these Kens' for what? It could be she's referring to men as Kens because she plays with them like dolls, but specifically 'switch out' rather than 'play with' implies she's switched them out for something else, like another Barbie - something I've found to be a common experience among girls who like girls.

Also 'asshole outlaw' reminds me of her country roots, and country music is generally very homophobic and sexist. She used to comply by these standards and mindsets but not anymore. Now, 'don't need another metaphor, its simple enough' she doesn't need to disguise it as friendship, instead she's writing song explicitly about this dream girl who she's in love with and skipping the metaphors for other more direct references:

Like references to other songs too, like mentions of summer because of Cruel Summer with 'freedom felt like summer ... now the sun burns'. 'I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate' when the only garden gate Taylor's been seen around is Karlie's. The matching lyric: 'I'm drunk in the back of the car and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar' matches with 'I never don't cry at the bar ... I slur your name 'til someone puts me in a car' she's drunk and says 'Karlie' or 'Kar' which is mistaken for 'car'.

A New Romantics reference too, which is such a gay anthem I could write a whole other post about it. 'Like waiting for a bus that never comes' is to me a weirdly out of place lyric just like 'we wait for trains that just aren't coming'.

I'd even argue 'I heard your key turn in the door down the hallways/Is it okay? Is it you?/Or have they come to take me away?' is asking if interacting with Karlie at all is okay to do at all, if she can focus on the public drama about them actually being about her and Karlie, when all she can think about is being found out and taken away from her fame and reputation.

Then of course 'each bar plays our song nothing has ever felt so wrong' meaning 'their song' must be a popular and mainstream song to be played at bars so often, or more broadly could mean mainstream love songs in general which are mostly straight and don't feel right to her for some reason. Her friends tell her that's okay because 'love is a lie' but she knows they're only saying it to make her feel better, when that's not the real reason why 'moving on was always easy'.

Despite all the men she never really liked and the love that never felt right to her, this one person 'hits different'. You as the listener have a choice, either hear she's with her dream girl and it feels right, or that she 'just needed to meet the right guy', as straight people tell lesbians their entire lives.

This has been a gaylor essay thank you for reading

[magicfootballstuff]

Dirty Little Secret - part 1 (leila ouahabi x reader)

Summary: A love story about secrets, flirty messages, football rivalries, and useless lesbians who don’t know how to communicate. And it all starts with one badly timed challenge in the Champions League.

Leila Ouahabi x Arsenal!reader

Part 1/?

———

It starts with a sliding tackle. 

Arsenal are already three goals down against reigning champions Barcelona when your legs are knocked out from under you. You skid across the grass in a tangle of limbs with your opponent as the referee’s shrill whistle cuts through the air. 

The culprit, Barcelona’s number fifteen Leila Ouahabi, is quick to her feet and already protesting in rapid Spanish. Fighting your case while you rub your sore ankle is the ever argumentative Katie, demanding a yellow card that the referee is happy to give. Ouahabi rolls her eyes, but must know she probably deserves it, because she walks back over to you and offers out a hand to help you back to your feet. 

“Sorry,” she says, glancing down at your ankle as you put pressure on it and wince. “You okay?”

You take a few steps. It’s sore, but you’ll be able to walk it off pretty quickly. You clap her on the back to thank her for the help, then say, “Yeah, all good.”

———

After a 4-1 defeat there’s a long list of things you’d rather be doing than shaking the hands of the team that beat you, but it’s professional courtesy so you congratulate each of them in turn with minimal eye contact, just trying to get through it as quickly as possible.

Until you get to Leila. Playing opposite each other, she’s been marking you and frustrating you all game, culminating in that tackle that resulted in a sore ankle for you and a yellow card for her.

“Good battle,” she says, smirking at you.

The only consolation is that you caused her a fair bit of trouble too, even if the scoreline doesn’t show that.

“Yeah, you too.”

Your hand is still caught in hers, frozen mid-handshake, but you’re too lost in her dark eyes to notice.

“Sorry again about the tackle.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you tell her. “No bad feelings.”

———

Later, when you’re back at the team hotel safely tucked up in bed as you wait for your roommate Katie to finish up in the adjoining bathroom, an Instagram notification lights up your phone.

leilaouahabi started following you.

You scramble to open the app and go straight to her profile. You don’t follow her yet either - to be honest you’ve never given her much thought until the match earlier this evening - and your thumb hovers over the screen but you decide not to follow her back tonight. You’ll do it tomorrow, maybe. You don’t want to seem too eager.

But then another notification pops up at the top of the screen.

leilaouahabi liked your post.

As you click the newest notification to see the picture in question, you realise two things - firstly that she’s liked something from two months ago, meaning that she’s had to scroll back through your profile to find it, and secondly that the photo is one of the rare ones you post that has nothing to do with football. 

You’re wearing a pair of straight-legged trousers and a sleeveless crop top that shows off both your arms and your abs, dressed up to go out for dinner with a few of the other Arsenal girls just before pre-season, if your memory is correct. You look hot and that’s why you posted the picture, in a rare moment of self-indulgence, seeking out the approval of others too. At the time you thought that the flame and heart emojis your closest friends and teammates left in the comments below the photo were enough gratification, but maybe it was Leila’s name in black and white in the list of likes that you needed all along.

You might be reading too much into this, but the fact that she’s liked one of the only non-football things you’ve posted in the last few months is like she’s trying to send you a particular message.

What the hell? What have you got to lose? You play in different countries, different leagues. If you’ve got the signals wrong then the worst case scenario is that you give the Spanish girls something to laugh about and the reverse fixture in London in December might be a bit awkward. You’re prepared to deal with those consequences.

You tap the button to follow Leila back and open up a private message, ready to shoot your shot into the dark.

You If you wanted me to fall for you there are better ways than a sliding tackle…

You exhale and set your phone aside, reaching for the pot of face cream on your nightstand, only for your phone to light up again almost instantly. Skincare routine forgotten, you open up Leila’s message.

Leila Like what? 

You can’t help but smile to yourself. While there’s nothing obviously flirtatious in her response, the fact that she replied at all, let alone replied immediately, is a positive sign.

You I’m sure you can figure that out

Leila When do you go home?

You curse the busy match schedule and the fact you have to return to England to prepare for another WSL game at the weekend, when nothing sounds more appealing right now than the chance for some downtime in Barcelona.

Especially if that downtime could be spent with an attractive girl.

You Tomorrow morning

Leila 😔

You2 months until we play each other again… plenty of time for you to figure out a way to sweep me off my feet properly

“Who are you texting?” Katie asks, as she emerges from your en-suite bathroom.

“My mum,” you lie effortlessly.

“Listen,” Katie says, as she peels back the covers and climbs into her bed on the opposite side of the room, “I love my mam, but even I’ve never looked at my phone like that while texting her. But it’s fine, if you don’t want to tell me about your secret girlfriend that’s fine.”

“Fine, I was on Tinder,” you tell Katie, now that you’ve had a moment to think of a better lie. “Just thought I’d see what the options are like here in Barcelona.”

“And what are they like?”

You scroll mindlessly through Leila’s Instagram profile, tapping the heart icon to like a post when you come to a photo of Leila in a bikini posted during the summer, not-so-subtly conveying your interest in her, then joke, “Good enough to consider a January transfer.”

“Oh fuck off!”

———

You don’t actually speak to Leila in the two months between the match in Barcelona and the reverse fixture in London. 

Your interactions on social media, nothing more than the occasional like on each other’s Instagram, are just enough to keep the intrigue up without turning it into a thing or alerting anybody else to the fact that a little spark has been ignited between the two of you. 

You’re weirdly excited about the prospect of another difficult game against Barcelona and you know that at least part of that is down to the fact you’ll see Leila again. You’re curious how it will play out - the game itself and having to go up against someone you’ve made it clear you’re attracted to, but also any interactions you might have with Leila outside of that too. It’s very easy to like a picture on social media from a whole other country, but you have no idea if it can be turned into something off the pitch. Logistically, at the very least, you’re going to run into the same problem as before, only this time it’ll be Leila who is limited in how much freedom she gets by her travel schedule.

Although the result ends up being disappointing - a 4-0 defeat - you actually enjoy the game, if only for the battle against Leila. Something about the fact you fancy her and know that the attraction is mutual makes you want to show off for her a little bit, to prove you’re worthy of her interest, and every duel, every tackle, feels like it’s part of some drawn out foreplay. You’re deliberately more physical with her than you normally are against defenders, avoiding a yellow card but only just, but each push or shunt is a little reminder to her that you’re here. 

“Good game,” you tell Leila after the match, bumping your fist against hers. 

“Is there somewhere we can go?” Leila asks you in a low voice, wasting absolutely no time in getting straight to the point. “Somewhere private. To talk.”

Leila’s dark eyes briefly drop to your mouth, then back up, and you don’t think she’s got conversation on her mind. 

You nod and say, “We can find somewhere.”

Jonas’s huddle only lasts two minutes at most but with your thoughts wandering, it feels like an eternity. After that, you deliberately stay out on the pitch longer than usual, signing things and taking photos with fans until most of your teammates have already gone inside, waiting so that there are as few people as possible to witness you trying to sneak away with Leila. When you do finally make your way towards the tunnel, you find Leila loitering near the entrance, kicking the mud off her boots as she waits for you.

You barely acknowledge her as you pass, not wanting to draw attention to yourselves, but let your hand brush against her arm to alert her to your presence as you enter the tunnel. You keep going, but instead of heading into the home dressing room, you push open a door to the right, turning your head to make eye contact with Leila who still stands in the tunnel, checking that she’s seen you, before you disappear down the hallway beyond. Thankfully there’s nobody around, but you move quickly, finding an empty equipment cupboard and waiting as Leila follows close behind, and you gesture for her to enter first before you step in after her and close the door.

“Hey,” you say breathily, finally feeling a little nervous now that you’ve got her alone. “You wanted to talk?”

“No,” Leila says, shaking her head. “No talking.”

She reaches for you, one hand on your waist as the other cupping your jaw, pulling you close as she dips her head to finally give you the kiss you’ve been dreaming about since the game in Barcelona.

———

“Where have you been?” Beth asks, as you return to the Arsenal changing room, slightly dazed from your encounter with Leila. You’d been hoping that nobody would notice your absence, but it seems like you were gone for just long enough to be suspicious.

“Catching up with a friend,” you answer as truthfully as possible, hoping that it’s not obvious to anybody who looks too closely that you’ve just been making out with someone.

You didn’t go all the way with Leila, breaking apart before things could escalate too far. You both agreed that the risk of getting caught was too great and you didn’t fancy having to explain to any of your teammates why you were helping a member of the team that just beat you 4-0 to celebrate that win with a quickie in a store cupboard, but it definitely got heated enough to leave you wanting more. 

The problem is that you can’t have more. Tonight you’ll get on the team bus back to your flat in St Albans, while Leila stays at the Barcelona team hotel in London, only to fly back to Spain in the morning. And who knows when you’ll get the chance to see each other again? At least after the first game you knew there would be a second. But unless Arsenal and Barcelona end up facing each other again later in the competition, you might not even be in the same country as Leila until the Euros next summer, when you’ll both have far more important things on your minds.

If there’s one way to send yourself crashing back to reality after the thrill of a clandestine kiss, it’s this realisation.

“What’s bummed you out?” Katie asks, sending your bad mood as she takes a seat in the cubby next to yours, wrapped in only a towel.

“Do you enjoy losing four-nil?” you ask, arching an eyebrow.

“No, fair point,” Katie concedes. “Thank fuck we don’t have to play them again though, right?”

You hum absently in agreement. Right now, your brain still clouded from the delirium of being kissed, you’d take another four-nil loss, just for another moment of privacy with Leila.

But that’s not going to happen. 

You’re sad right now but you’ll get over it. In a few days you’ll be able to look back at this with fondness, maybe even laugh to yourself about the desperation of almost hooking up with an opponent in the stadium after a game.

Not yet, but in time.

In hindsight, you’d come to realise how stupid you were for ever believing you could move past this night with your emotions intact.

[smolsawyer]

Golden Swan (Zlatá Labuť) - The complete Irlena story (0/84)

A miracle happened in our country and we got an actually good show with very well-written and interesting wlw representation. I really want to spread this amazing story, but because Youtube is homophobic and won't let me upload the videos I decided to share their story with you here.

I will be posting a new video (2 videos, what was i thinking about lesbians waiting patiently for wlw content? :D) every day (between 7 - 8pm CET), so buckle up and enjoy the ride with me, it is a wild one.

Please even if you are not interested yourself, if you can, reblog this post so it may get to some of your followers who might want to see this :) Thank you

This first post is about the introduction to the premise and the characters, a lot is happening and I will do my best to keep you in the loop. If you wanna know or see more, don't hesitate to hit me up in my asks :)

Synopsis: The show begins in 1939 during the protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia under Nazi occupation, at the beginning of World War II. The story centers around the rich Kučera family, who own a newly opened luxury department store in the center of Prague called Golden Swan (Zlatá Labuť)

Characters: Irena Mašková - a daughter of the head of the Kučera family, a very hardened, ambitious, and ruthless woman, who is fighting hard for the approval of her father who often dismisses her based only on the fact she is a woman. She loves the luxury of her life, and staying at the helm of their family business is the most important thing to her. She has an estranged husband Lukáš with whom she has two sons

Alena Zimová - a very kind and warm-hearted young woman who starts working at Golden Swan as a salesgirl. She left the small village she was born in for Prague in hopes of escaping her homophobic parents and life in the anonymity of a big city. She is dating a waiter Jakub from Swan's restaurant, who wants to marry her

Also huge thanks and credit for english subtitles goes to @ ScorpiStraub on twitter. At least I think :) I tracked them down through multiple ppl and accounts, reached out, but didn't get any answer. But I'm like 90% sure they are the ones who made the subtitles :)

[venusmage]

Commission/Life update for 2024

EDIT 9/16/24

As of now I've resolved around 15 commissions since this post was made at the start of June! This is much faster than I was going the past year. They're going well and I thank everyone again who has been so patient and kind. I've gotten nothing but kindness as a response to the wait, even from those who have been waiting for over a year by now. Thank you.

I recently started two new jobs and school again, so I'm a little busy. BUT everyone is (albeit not at a super fast speed) moving up in queue! Once the owed "Full" commissions are done, I expect to get through Sketch Coms even faster and currently I'm at a good pace to be done by the end of the year.

The best days to reach me are Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at the moment. Otherwise it might take me a day or so to get back to you. I work on my own projects on the weekends to preserve my sanity, lol! Just know if I'm drawing something else, I haven't forgotten my queue!

------

Original post:

Just want everyone to know I AM okay now and life has gotten better recently. However the past year and a half have been extremely difficult and I'm only now getting back on my feet. I generally don't like sharing life details publicly, but as a freelancer with clients that have been waiting for a while I feel like transparency is key.

If you don't want an explanation for the delays and just want to know my completion timeline, that's totally okay. Here is all the info up front. I'm going to continue updating my commission queue as usual and will not be accepting any more orders until ALL of the queue is completed. I'm working on finishing the half and full bodies first since they've been the longest waiting in queue. Then the rest. I don't have a set date in mind for when they'll be all done for good but the goal is by the end of the year. I think that's more than doable for me now. If you're a client of mine and have questions/concerns, please message me either here or on Discord and I'll do my best to help you. My username on discord is the same as my Tumblr username. Twitter and Ko-Fi are also options but I don't check them as frequently. I usually work Monday-Thursday so that will be the best time to shoot me a message or expect an update to the queue.

Information on what's been going on is below.

CW for mentions of death, financial hardship and homophobia.

As a few of you might remember, in 2019 I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I made the choice to go no-contact. Since then, up until LAST YEAR, she's routinely harassed me or had other family harass me, stalked me on social media, tried to get to me through the website I take commission orders, and threatened me multiple times. I was forced to move across the country both because I felt unsafe and because my partner had family elsewhere that were more accepting. I've had to change my phone number twice.

It's been extremely difficult both financially and mentally to keep my head above water. In 2021 my grandfather died and I still haven't felt like I've been able to properly grieve. I wasn't able to see him due to her and I wasn't invited to his funeral. We were very close and he meant the world to me. In 2023 my grandmother passed away very suddenly as well, and my mother used it as an excuse to harass me over ko-fi/my professional email. It was such a horrific experience that I fell into a months long spiral that I only just now feel like I'm climbing out of. This is when commissions first stalled. I was also starting to get overwhelmed, as I had to take on more work than I could realistically handle in order to pay bills and rent. That's really it - I just had to take more orders so we weren't kicked out of our apartment, and as my mental state deteriorated I couldn't keep up.

The good news is that my wife and moved earlier this year we're living with supportive(!) family now and our financial burden is much lighter. This gives me time to work on my backlog without re-opening. I'm also going to school again, back in college starting this summer for a second degree. For my own health after commissions are finished I'm likely going to take a break on opening them for a good while, even though I really enjoy doing them.

In the past two months amazing and not-amazing things have happened. The amazing thing is I got an ADHD diagnosis, something I didn't even know had been ruining my life for years. I'm still getting used to the proper medications but I'm already seeing a big improvement. It's as much of a relief as it is frustrating. My mother also reared her head again (like she usually does at least once a year) - this time, though, I learned she'd had a stroke. While I'm not involved with her anymore, I think most people could understand how it would still be a very weird and upsetting situation. As of right now I'm free of her once again, she seems to be making a good recovery and will hopefully continue to live a happy life far away from me. Still, those two things back to back have been a LOT to deal with on top of just trying to get better in general. I stepped away from the internet for a while for my own sanity.

The downside to being a freelancer is that there's not always a safety net. That's what happened to me. Thank you all very much for being kind and patient, I genuinely have had nothing but polite interactions with all of you and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry my personal bullshit got in the way of getting my work done for you. This is the longest I've ever taken to complete commissions and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of. I promise they will get done. Being medicated and starting to recover from the family drama has revitalized me a bit. If you have any questions or concerns please reach out.

[hbyrde36]

Midsummer Nights (a.k.a Summer Camp Fic)

It's finally here! This one has been percolating for a while, and I'm so glad to have the start of the story written and out there. Updates might be a little sporadic until my Steddie big bang is complete, but I'm so excited to finally give this fic some attention!

WC: 3154 | R: Explicit (for eventual smut) | Ch 1/? | AO3

Chapter 1

Steve had been a camper at Sunset Lake since almost before he could remember. 

He was seven that first summer, and hadn’t spent more than a night away from his own bed before, for sleepovers with family or childhood friends. 

Regardless, his parents didn’t hesitate to dump him off in the middle of nowhere upstate for the full eight weeks the camp ran, with total strangers, many of whom were hardly more than kids themselves, the second he was old enough to attend. From then on, Mr. and Mrs. Harrington spent their own summers partying it up at the country club, pretending they didn’t have a son. 

It used to hurt, having the fact that they didn’t give a shit about him shoved so blatantly in his face. When he was still young and hopeful he would wait patiently by the front gates every visitor’s day, hoping that the next car full of visiting parents and family would be for him. 

It never was.

And by the time he turned eleven, he had stopped waiting. 

He also stopped signing up for activities that he had chosen only to impress his dad, like tennis, basketball, rock climbing—even if he was good at them—and instead began to fill his days with art, theater, and music. Anything that caught his interest, even if he was terrible at it. 

Suddenly he lived for those eight weeks of summer that used to leave him feeling so lonely and unloved. Knowing it was the one place, the one time of year, where he could be the most himself. And he was too busy with performances and showing off the projects he’d completed on visitor’s days to think too much about the fact that no one ever came to see him. 

That was how he met Robin, his best friend and platonic soulmate. They were twelve and had both auditioned for roles in Shakespeare in the Summer, a series of famous scenes from the playwright's works, a pet project of the counselor who ran the theater department meant to be the big final show at the end of camp that year. They got the roles of Romeo and Juliet, respectively. 

As they rehearsed he developed a very small, but still very embarrassing crush on his co-star and eventually confessed, knowing he would feel guilty about kissing her if she didn’t know how he felt. 

Robin broke it to him gently, explaining that while she’d grown to like him a lot, as a friend, over the time they’d been working on their scene together, he just wasn’t her type. 

The last bit was said with a particular significance, but Steve, oblivious to what she was so subtly trying to convey, had protested that he was everyone’s type. She’d rolled her eyes and given him a fond, if exasperated, smile, and after swearing him to secrecy, put it in plain terms he could understand. 

She was a lesbian. 

Robin liked girls, exclusively, and her tastes ran long in soft skin, cherry red lips, and blonde ponytails—all of which Steve, for better or worse, lacked.

It was the 90’s, and the world was slowly changing, so it wasn't as if Steve had never heard of gay people before… it's just that he had never met one in real life. He accepted her immediately, his crush gone in a flash like it had never existed, and felt a kinship with her snap into place that he didn’t quite understand at the time, but was so obvious looking back. 

In the end they faked the kiss. Steve grabbed Robin’s face with both hands and all the faux passion he could muster, slipping his thumbs between their lips at the last second to keep them from crossing that particular line, and she had trusted him to do it. 

They were inseparable from that day forward. 

As promised, he kept her secret, and exactly one year later after coming to terms with a few realizations of his own—namely that he wasn’t as straight as he assumed, that in fact, he wasn’t sure he actually liked girls at all—when he confessed a secret of his own as they walked along the edge of the lake before curfew, he knew she would do the same for him.

This summer they were eighteen, part of the graduating class of 1999, on the brink of college, and finally old enough to be hired as full fledged counselors with paychecks and days off and everything. 

Not that it paid much, but Steve wasn’t in it for the money. He was in it for the love of the place. Sunset Lake Camp had become a second home to him over the last decade of his life, his real home, and the people there like family. There were always a few new faces that came and went, but most of the kids and staff alike came back year after year like him.

Robin was mainly in it for Steve, excited at the prospect of getting to spend the entire Summer with him for once instead of the single session, two short weeks, she was used to—all her folks had been able to afford each year growing up. 

It was poised to be the best summer of Steve’s life. 

Then he met Eddie. 

-

Pre-camp was exactly what it sounded like. A full week of cleaning, painting, maintenance, and general setting up of the place before the first crop of kids was set to arrive. It wasn’t mandatory for the staff, and some counselors wouldn’t even arrive until the day before the first session began, but it did come with an extra paycheck and the opportunity to get out of his parents house that much sooner. 

Steve was so in.

And naturally, that meant Robin was too.

They both arrived mid afternoon. Steve had driven himself in his beloved second hand BMW all the way from Hawkins, his excitement mounting as the scenery changed, flat boring highways finally giving way to lush green rolling hills and mountains, the roads eventually going from asphalt, to crushed stone, to dirt as he turned onto camp property and made his way to the employee parking lot. Robin arrived just after, her parents' car rolling to a stop next to his while he was still unloading his duffel bags from the trunk.  

Steve had offered to pick her up on his way so they could ride in together, it wouldn’t have added that much time to his own trip, but Mr. and Mrs. Buckley would never give up the opportunity to see their only daughter off for the summer, no matter how old she was. They were good parents, and just plain good people.

Robin was horribly embarrassed by the sheer number of hugs they gave her, and Steve, before finally getting back in their car to head home, and he couldn’t help wondering if she knew how lucky she was. His own parents had hardly looked up from their coffee when he’d said goodbye to them that morning.

“How was the drive?” Robin asked with her face squished against Steve's chest, as he pulled her in for his own bone-crushing hug. God he fucking missed her. Emails and once a week phone calls just weren’t enough. Damn long distance fees.

“Long, boring, the usual.” He said, pulling away from her reluctantly. 

In truth he didn’t mind the long journey. It was nice getting to shut his brain off, and sing along at full volume to whatever songs had made it on American Top 40 with Casey Kasem that week.

The low rumble and put-put-put of an old engine had them both looking up, signaling the arrival of Director Hopper in his ancient pickup truck, its tires kicking up dirt and rocks no matter how slowly he drove. 

The truck rolled to a stop in front of them, and the man behind the wheel leaned out the open window to wave. “Long time no see, kids!”

“Hop,” Robin whined, “we’re not kids anymore.”

“Oh! My apologies—Miss Buckley, Mister Harrington.”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “Okay, now you're just being mean.”

Hopper threw his head back and laughed, before stepping out of the truck. “You know you’ll always be kids to me.”

After another round of hugs the man helped load their stuff up into the back, then helped both of them climb up on top of their piled luggage.

As the truck bumped along slowly towards the north side of the campus, where the bunks were, Hopper slid open the back window of the truck so he could shout out to them.

“Me and Joyce got two of the cabins fixed up already so you-all have someplace clean to sleep tonight. One for the women, one for the men.” Hopper’s eyes narrowed as he stared them down through his rearview mirror. He, along with almost everyone else, thought they were dating and had been for years. If he only knew how wrong he was. “Dinner is at six tonight in the dining hall, and I suggest you settle in and relax till then. The real work starts tomorrow.”

“You sure you don't need help with anything today?” Steve asked, sticking his head through the little window to make sure the older man could hear him.

“Thanks kid, but I got it covered. All that’s left today really is picking up a few international staff from the airport. I would have been on my way there already, but the flight got delayed, not due in till late tonight now.”

It was one of Steve’s favorite things about this place, getting to meet and make friends with all sorts of people from all over the world. The cultural exchange program that the camp worked with brought in support staff and counselors from other countries that wanted to come work for the summer, many of them visiting America for the very first time.

Soon enough they came to the end of the road, hooking a left through a break in the trees and came out into a huge clearing. Two giant half circles made up of small white and green buildings faced each other, with a wide open field between them where, in a week’s time, kids would be found lounging around on towels and blankets in the sun, or throwing frisbees and baseballs to each other during their free period. 

Hopper pulled over on the girl’s side, which was fair—if sexist—considering Robin had more stuff than Steve did, and got them unloaded before quickly heading off with a reminder about dinner.

Robin slid her backpack on and began to drag her small trunk up the old wooden steps of the cabin. 

Steve heaved her big duffel bag over his shoulder and moved to follow, but she spun abruptly, letting the trunk drop, slapping a hand hard against his chest before his foot even made contact with the lowest board. 

“Woah, woah, woah, where do you think you’re going?” She asked.

“Seriously? I’m just trying to help you with your stuff!” 

“Yes, seriously! You know boys aren't allowed in the girl’s cabins!” She whispered boys as though it were a dirty word.

Steve snorted. “I’m pretty sure those rules are for the campers, Rob, not us, and what could possibly happen?! There’s no two people on the planet less likely to hook up than you and me.”

“Yeah but people don’t know that, Harrington!” 

She was right. As much as camp had always been Steve's safe haven, his sexuality was still something he felt the need to hide, as did Robin. They just couldn’t be sure how their peers would react, and he wanted to believe Hopper would be accepting and open minded but what if he wasn’t? What if he fired them, or used it as an excuse not to invite them back to work next year, because parents might freak out if they knew their children were being ‘exposed to the gays’? 

Steve couldn’t lose this place, for that reason or any other. 

He tossed her bag up the short staircase and onto the porch, letting his shoulders slump in defeat.

“Don’t pout. I just don't want to get in trouble on our first day,” Robin said.

“Yeah, me either,” he agreed.

“Good. Now move along to your own bunk.” She dropped her voice down low, looking around before she spoke again, wriggling her eyebrows. “I’m sure Jonathan will be around to help you get settled in.”

“You’re never gonna let me live that stupid crush down, are you?” 

“Nope.”

“It was two years ago!” Steve hissed.

“I still say you had a chance.”

Steve sighed heavily. “Even if he wasn’t straight—” he began but Robin cut him off with a judgy stare.

“You don’t know that.” She said.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “But even if he wasn't, I told you, I'm not getting in the middle of whatever on-again off-again dance he and Nancy are doing.”

Robin tilted her head from side to side. “That’s fair. She scares me.”

“Me too.”

-

Jonathan was, as a matter of fact, already at the men’s temporary cabin, greeting Steve with a hug and everything, and offering to help him carry his stuff inside. Not that he’d be telling Robin any of that. 

His brief crush had been nothing short of awkward. They’d known each other since they were little, Jonathan’s mom being the camp nurse, and Hopper becoming his and his brother Will’s stepfather a few years ago, and out of nowhere Steve couldn’t even have a conversation with the guy without blushing and stuttering. Thankfully, the other boy’s sad little puppy dog eyes didn’t really do anything for him anymore.

They talked a little, making the usual catching up small talk that you do with people you know well but maybe aren't truly friends with, and soon were joined by a new face, fresh off a days long road trip from California. 

Argyle greeted Steve and Jonathan like they were all long lost pals. He had the longest, shiniest hair, the most colorful wardrobe Steve had ever seen, and his smile was infectious. He also absolutely reeked of weed, and within minutes had talked Jonathan into taking a walk in the woods with him to “open their minds”. It was clear the two stoners were well on their way to becoming best friends.

Steve left them to it, knowing Robin would kill him if he showed up to dinner high and smelling of smoke. 

He chose a bed by the door and started making it up, tucking the sheets in tight and tossing his ugly plaid comforter on top. There was no point in really unpacking until they got their final bunk assignments, the night before the kids came, so after pulling out a few random t-shirts, shorts, and a bathing suit, and shoving them all into one of the cubby holes built into the walls of the cabin, Steve grabbed his discman and headphones and went to lay out in the sun. 

-

It was late, well past midnight and Steve had been tossing and turning for the last several hours. He never slept well on the first night of camp, the quiet always taking a little time for him to get used to, and It was no wonder he heard the soft footfalls of someone walking up the steps of the cabin.

The door opened slowly, revealing a figure painted in silhouette by moonlight. A riot of wild hair, and a guitar case slung across the boy’s back were all Steve could make out at first through his barely slitted eyelids. 

He watched, careful not to move too much and give away that he was awake as the boy quietly closed the door behind himself, and tiptoed further into the cabin, tossing his stuff down beside the bunk right next to Steve’s. It meant Steve had a perfect view of the newcomer’s backside as he bent to slide his guitar under the mattress frame and unzipped his bag. He straightened with an arm full of linens and hastily made up the bed, not even tucking the bottom corners of his fitted sheet in before throwing a quilt over the whole thing and calling it done, and began to undress. 

Steve swallowed hard, knowing he should probably look away now, or at least close his eyes, if for no other reason than to put on a better show of being asleep in case the other boy’s gaze swung his way, but he was enthralled.

The unfamiliar figure was still blanketed in shadow, but stood close enough now that Steve could make out a pair of huge sparkling dark eyes, brown he assumed, though the night had a way of stealing all the color from the world, to go with the boy’s even darker curls. A rounded nose and full pouty lips made up the rest of a face that would, Steve was fairly certain, now and forever haunt his dreams, as well as his every waking thought. 

He wanted to scream. 

He’d never felt so drawn to someone at first sight before. How much worse would it be once he saw this vision of beauty in daylight?

Powerless to resist the urge, Steve let his gaze roam down past the curve of the other boy’s jaw, eyes drinking in whatever details they could. The bob of an adams apple as he swallowed, the outline of his collarbones, black and gray markings on his chest and arms—tattoos that Steve couldn’t quite make out the shapes of. A trail of dark hair ran from his navel to the top of his pants, stark and inviting against pale white skin.

The boy reached for the button on his jeans and Steve did look away then. It was one thing to see the same skin that might be on display when someone took their top off down by the lake or at the pool, but another to ogle someone below the belt when they didn’t even know they were being watched.

Second passed and a dull thump had Steve snapping his eyes back open, grateful the other boy still had his boxers on at least, so he didn’t feel like too much of a creep. 

“Bollocks,” the stranger cursed softly, hopping on one foot for a second as he sucked air between his teeth, nursing a stubbed toe.

Steve’s stomach flipped at the sound of his voice.

International, right. He had an accent. Of course he did, obviously, Steve just hadn’t thought—

Why was that so hot?

He groaned internally, he hadn’t even properly seen the guy’s face yet and he was already absolutely fucked. 

Finally, mercifully, the other boy climbed into bed, yawning as he pulled the quilt up over his head, turning to face the other way.

And it was to the sound of this intriguing stranger’s breath that Steve finally drifted away into a fitful sleep.

Steve's Summer Mix Eddie's Summer Mix

Thanks as always to the lovely @penny00dreadful for being the best beta, friend and cheerleader.

Permanent taglist(open): @penny00dreadful @pearynice @hitlikehammers @bookworm0690 @wonderland-girl143-blog 

@goodolefashionedloverboi @themagicalari @awkwardgravity1 @rocknrollsalad

Fic taglist (open):

[bearieio]

modern!abby headcanons

masterlist

she’s totally clingy but she tries to be suupper subtle about it.

like she’ll follow you to bathroom just to lean against the doorframe with her arms crossed (mad cuz you left her on the couch by herself) and stare at you like 🙁🧍‍♀️

you finally break the silence and go, “…what?” then she’s all like “oh- i was just waiting for you to get done so i could use the bathroom..” her eyes avoiding yours.

your guys’ apartment has 2 bathrooms…

she’s a wonderful cook 

her specialty is anything with pasta…. it’s true and she told me herself !!!! (real, not fake)

loves wearing crop tops. YEAH I SAID IT. and WHAT?!

usually wears those cropped muscle tanks in order to still get that tank top feel and still show off her muscles ;)

also doesn’t believe in bras. bras r for losers.

she was probably one of those girls in high school who nobody messed with because they thought she was mean. but she’s totally cool ofc.

i don’t think she was a basketball girlie, BUT she was a lacrosse, ice hockey, volleyball, AND probably water polo or- OUUHHHH!!!!!! WRESTLING!!! :D

(ellie was on the basketball and soccer team- but thats a story for another time)

she’s a suffering pre-med/med student. she hates all her professors and classmates, but she gotta do what she gotta dooooo!!!

i feel like she spends a lot of time in her studies,,, DEDICATION!

omg she loves telling you about all about the human body and different illnesses & diseases and how they affect your body.

“the human equivalent to mad cow disease, could actually be creutzfeldt-jakob disease! it completely deteriorates your brain and causes-“

PRAISE!!!!!! she loves it.

will probably never admit it but she loves when you call her a “pretty girl,” “beautiful,” or maybe even “handsome???????”

either a jeep/ford bronco OR a pickup truck lesbian.

either way, the car is definitely one that was passed down from her father and she loves it.

it’s probably like a really muted/faded blue-ish color

if you just so happen to be as tall as her/taller than her (first of all hmu), she’d be kind of competitive with you and you guys would always have silly little quarrels between one another. 

“bet you can’t reach the bag of chips all the way up there”

“bet you can’t beat me in limbo”

“bet you can’t beat me to the couch“ 

if you’re smaller than her, she’ll take the upmost amount of pride taking care of you and making sure you’re getting what you need :)

but she also loves when she gets to feel small around you.

she loves how versatile she can be around you and how your guys’ romance is totally 50/50, meaning both of you put the same-if not more- amount of energy, love, and effort into y’alls relationship :’)

you guys wear each others clothes all the time too. but.

its like she’ll wear your socks n stuff, but like you’ll wear her shirts, pants, hoodies, and literally everything else.

so it’s basically just you guys wearing the same clothes but like you share socks?😭

i feel like she’s most likely one of those people who listens to almost every genre.

but OKAY when it comes to country, she’ll listen to old country stars like marty robbins, johnny cash, dolly, kenny rodgers, etc.

but wouldn’t it be so funny if she was like into some really heavy shit- like imagine her pullin’ up to the gym listening to ‘what color is death’ by acid bath or like ‘mondo medicale’ by impaled… like.

idk just a thought…….😁

she never lets you drive. unless she’s seriously injured or really tired, you’ll always be abby’s passenger princes.

“make sure to put your seatbelt on, baby”

she’s like… A REALLY GOOD DRIVER. and she does that super attractive thing were she turns the wheel with her palm (ykwim?).

her parallel parking is INSANE. in one go, she’ll have the car in the perfect position, in between two other cars. ugh. i love her.

her hand is always resting on your thigh and she occasionally pucker her lips in your direction, wanting a kiss.

she’s not one of those people who road rages, but she definitely gets upset when people are cutting her off and pulling out in front of her just to go slower than the speed limit.

she flips people off too. paying no mind if the people were paying attention to her.

another thing. i feel like she’s actually a pretty good singer. like nobody knows, but she hums you lullabies before napping with you.

same with whistling. she’s a real good whistler :)

HER HANDWRITING is also super good…… it’s not like a font, and it’s not like straight up calligraphy either, but it’s just super pleasing to look at.

especially when she leaves you little notes around the house and doodles little drawings of you and herself (and alice because i love alice. she’s best dog).

a/n: also hey guys i’m not entirely sober while writing this so HOPEFULLY when i wake up tomorrow its not some complete bullshit that is just spent my evening writing.. \(`0`)/ ummmm!!

[respocked]

I'm thinking about work anyway so fuck it

Star Trek Public Primary School AU 🛸 !

Kirk

-the headmaster!

-went into education because of his own unfortunate childhood

-has an uncanny ability to tell which student has a bad home life

-remembers everyone's name, even if you went to his school 5 years ago for 2 months

-misbehaving teenagers send to his office get some candy and a motivational speech that changes the course of their lifetime

-most days can be found hovering suspiciously outside of spock's classroom

-way better with older students, 12-13 - has absolutely 0 idea what to do with young children

-which is awkward when while waiting for spock outside his classroom he tries to make small talk with them (-so... son... read any good books lately? -i can't read!)

Spock

- teaches early education, 6 to 9 year olds

-greatly overqualified for the position, had a human psychology degree, interspecies child development degree, highly regarded in scientific community

-could be teaching university but prefers to spend his time sitting on carpets with children drawing clouds

-his class is extremely nontraditional - no desks, sitting on the floor, tons of meditation, classes in nature

-does not adhere to the program at all but somehow his classes always score the best on all exams

-turned down a position in a trendy montessori school for a public one

-parents either go out his way for their child to attend his class or request someone else - either from homophobic or xeniphobic reasons

Uhura

-the school's cultural assistant!

-also runs student exchanges with other countries and planets

-speaks every minority language that has representation in the student body

-also a substitute teacher

-she can give a super interesting lessons

-but takes 0 shit from students who won't respect her

-runs an extracurricular activity with spock when she teaches immigrant and refugee students to express their emotions with music

-is the best at pitching a project idea for funding, which is why her office and spock's classrom are the best equipped ones in the school

-spock's bestie, they hang out after work (gay/lesbian solidatity)

-still lives with her parents, they're super close

-wants to date but it's too boring compared to writing another lesson plan

Bones

-the school nurse! & in charge of nutrition

-teenagers are afraid of him

-small children absolutely love him

-takes his daughter to work and lets her draw with crayons on his important papers

-also constantly in spock's classroom, but to complain

-"damnit, spock! give them all the vulcan cuisine you want, but don't send them crying to me after they get an allergic reaction!"

-"meditation? maybe have them meditate on doing some real work for once"

-but when parents with pitchforks come to complain abt spock's methods he defends him like a lion

-he sends them piles after piles of scientific proof of why spock's method are actually the bestest and most efficient

-when kirk thanks him for stepping in he pretends like he doesn't know what he's talking about

Chapel

-teaches sex ed!

-the sweetest teacher ever

-one of those teachers that noone is intimidated by but noone disobeys because noone wants to makes her upset

-uses her Blonde White Straight Pretty Woman priviledge to convince reluctant parents to sign up their kids for sex ed

-goes All Out on halloween tho

-you know she is there, dressed like a witch, running an educational halloween themed activity! paper bats hanging from the ceiling!

-has gluten free and vegan candy in case the winners have a food sensivity!

-has a secret crush on Uhura and Spock both

Chekov

-teaches IT

-burned out miracle kid

-graduated university when he was younger than his current students

-lets students play roblox on the computers

-and teaches them how to torrent

-somehow noone from the faculty knows where he lives

-background check turns up nothing

-"did you know computers were invented in russia?"

-puts 0 effort in but somehow his students love him

-little girls take sneak photos of him to edit in a flower crowns

Scotty

-teaches a woodworking & engineering class and does janitor duties on the side!

-like kirk, absolutely 0 idea on how to treat younger kids

-strict

-has to be, no joking around power tools!

-but you know praise from him hits different

-will tell students he's proud of them when they make theit first little table

-can fix everything

-say "this interactive blackboard is broken!" three times to summon him

-marries to his career, teaching fulfills his paternal calling

Sulu

-teaches biology!

-rule follower

-stressed out about exams 3 years before his students

-not very inventive but everyone wants his class because there is a hamster in the classroom

-classroom full of houseplants

-if you agree to water them when he's away you will receive a 50 page manual on proper misting techniques

-not strict at all but will give a dressing down to a student who is seen treating a living thing badly

-can be bribed with plants

[ikn0wtheend]

thoroughfare - modern!ellie x reader

summary: you knew ellie once and a road trip back home together complicates things more than it should. 

pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader

word count: ~4.5k

c/w: angst, fluff, mutual pining, language, implied sex, hopeful ending? loser lesbians as always.

a/n: um I do not know where this came from seeing as this is quite the diversion from ‘the record’ but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I was just listening to ethel cain’s ‘thoroughfare’ (as a girlie does) and I blacked out and apparently wrote 4k words of whatever this is. spoiler alert: they don’t even make it back home, they drive for like 5 hours. as always let me know what you think and if you’d like me to make this a series (I'm currently on the fence about it). <3

main masterlist & thoroughfare [2]

It was hot. The kind of hot that doesn’t give you a reprieve no matter how many layers you take off or how hard you fan yourself with your hand. It was sticky and miserable. You want to claw at your skin. 

Sitting on the sidewalk you waited for Dina to arrive, you hadn’t really gotten the full details from her. All she had said was “meet outside your apartment” giving you a specific day at a specific time. But you couldn’t complain, you were the one that had called her in distress, forgetting about timezones when she answered the phone half-awake.

Someone eclipses the sun from their spot next to you. You turn with your hand above your brow to get a better look at them and when you do your face automatically scrunches up. 

“Why the fuck are you here?”

“Why the fuck are you sitting on the sidewalk?” 

You stand up, brushing your pants off. “Oh fuck you, Ellie.” 

“No fuck you.” She retorts.

You were going to punch her. Right here. Right on this very sidewalk. You were going to draw your fist back and punch the freckles on her left cheek off of her face. You clench your fists. “I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you.” 

“You started it.” 

“You’re really gonna play the blame game?”

“Who the fuck calls it a ‘blame game’?”

“Literally everybody you fuckwad.”

“So we’re calling each other names now?” She places both hands on her hips. “You’re such an asshole.”

“I see you’ve lost your touch.” You mirrored her stance. “Asshole isn’t very creative.”

“Neither is fuckwad, you fuckwad.”

You throw your hands up. “Jesus Christ, you’re impossible.”

“No you’re imposs-”

Your phone rang interrupting Ellie from finishing, what you were sure was a very clever rebuttal, Dina’s name flashing on the screen. You quickly turn your back to Ellie and answer.

“Hey-”

Dina cuts you off. “Has she shown up yet?”

“Who?” 

“Ellie.” 

You sucked in a breath and pinch between your eyes. “Dina, please don’t tell me my ride across the country is Ellie.” You chanced a look at the girl in question, painfully aware of the way she raised her eyebrows to remind you she could still hear you. 

“Um yeah? You said you need a ride and that it was urgent and Ellie was closest.” Dina stated simply. As though she didn’t know that this was bound to create a mess, one you might not recover from. 

“Okay maybe I exaggerated when I said ‘urgent’, I would’ve happily of waited for you or Jesse.” The words rush out of you, eager to get her to understand and to undo this mess. 

“You were literally in tears when you called and like I said Ellie was closest. You’ll be fine.” She said flippantly. As though she wasn’t a first-hand witness to the shit-storm that had happened two years ago. 

“I don’t think we share the same definition of ‘fine’, Dina.” Her name comes out with a bite. 

You hear a long sigh. “Look just trust me on this. And hey maybe this will be good for the both of you, you’ll finally be able to talk about it.” 

“Did it even occur to you that I left because I didn’t want to talk about it?” 

“Fair point.” She concedes. “But listen I can’t come get you until next week, and that's being generous, so just suck it up and come home. I miss you.”

Fuck, you thought. You couldn’t stay here, not for another week, and hearing Dina say she missed you made you press the heel of you palm into your chest to try and calm the ache. It wasn’t the first time she had told you she missed you since you left, you heard it everytime you called. Sometimes when the time stretched thin between the two of you she would send you a text reminding you she was thinking of you. That she hadn’t forgotten. 

“Okay.” 

“Yeah?” You can hear the concern in her voice now. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” You clear your throat. “I miss you too.” You really did.

She throws out a number of goodbyes and ‘I love you’s’, words you return, before she hangs up. You take a deep breath before turning to look at Ellie again who was standing there with your bags in her arms. She looked silly, you thought. Adorable. You scowl.

“I can carry my own things you know?” 

“Just get your arse across the road and into the car.”

“Sir yes sir.” 

You think you hear a huff of laughter escape her, you think the heat is making you imagine things.

You’re avoiding looking at Ellie, instead you’re focused on the stretch of road laid out in front of you. The two of you had been stuck at a stand-still for the last couple of hours, neither wanting to be the one to break the silence. Maybe it had less to do with not wanting to and more to do with not knowing what to say. 

You knew her once, could tell anyone that would listen how loud she liked her music, the way she took her tea. You knew which side of the bed she preferred despite her protests that it was childish to have a favourite - it was the left. 

You knew her. You knew her. You knew her. 

You’re not sure if you still do. Her hair is different and her shoes look new - you don’t recognise the brand of air freshener hanging from the mirror. This time when you feel an ache in your chest it feels like something akin to grief. But she still looks like your life two years ago and the thought that you might not look the same makes you slump in your chair. 

It’s another silent hour before you make your first stop at the gas station, even so Ellie still gets out of the car without saying a word. You watch her for a second, eyeing the way she leaned back against the car with her arms crossed over her chest, before unbuckling your seatbelt and heading inside to grab some snacks. 

You take your time browsing down the aisles, glad for the chance to stretch your legs for a bit. There was something about gas stations that made you nostalgic, something about you and Ellie at a gas station that made you nostalgic even though she was outside pumping the gas. There were too many times to count when the two of you would make your way to the closest one at all hours of the night to stockpile on chips and candy for movie nights. You would walk through every single aisle and she would follow, not once complaining over the fact that you got the same things everytime and they were two aisles over. She would hold out a hand to carry the food and you would pay, swatting at her whenever she tried to sneak her card to the cashier who looked far too tired to even act amused. Ellie would say ‘thank you’ and you would tell her that it was on her next time although you both knew that was a lie. 

So you allow your mind to wander and your feet to carry you aimlessly. You rely on muscle memory to take you where you need to go because all these gas stations are built the same. You pay and try to leave the memories at the automatic doors.

Ellie is still standing outside the car when you exit with a full bag, arms still crossed. You call her name and chuck a chocolate bar at her a bit more aggressively than you originally planned, because it hits her square in the chest and falls to the ground with a sad splat. Ellie looks at you irritated. 

“What the fuck?” 

You wince, shoulders up by your ears. “Sorry.” You say sheepishly. 

She rolls her eyes as she bends down to grab the bar off of the ground, you see the moment her harden gaze softens and as quick as it was there it was gone again. She rises slowly, flipping the bar around in her hands. 

“I hope they’re still your favourite.” You wring your hands together.

She nods. “Get in the car, we gotta go.” Before you can respond she turns her back to you and retreats to the car. 

You puff out your cheeks before blowing the air out and make your way back to the passenger side, dumping your bag of snacks onto the floor in front of you. You buckle your seatbelt and lift your head to see Ellie already looking at you, she raises an eyebrow in lieu of asking if you’re ready. You nod.

The two of you drive in silence for roughly another 30 minutes before the urge to speak hits you. The last time you were in this car, you and Ellie talked until you couldn’t breathe, saying whatever was on your mind and taking breaks to sing whatever song was playing. You fear that if you don’t say something now you might choke. 

“Do you remember the time Dina was learning to drive and she hit the curb so hard she started crying?” You don’t know why this is the thing your brain conjured up, maybe the combination of recycled air and the smell of Ellie’s cologne was getting to you. 

Ellie snorts in surprise and looks between you and road. “How could I forget. We had to drive home with a flat tire.”

You’re laughing now, “And you had to bribe her back into the car with the promise of burgers.” You throw your head back. 

Ellie’s laughing now too, a far away look on her face. “Yeah I did, didn’t I? Jesus Christ I thought she was gonna stand in the middle of the street all night and someone was gonna run her over, honestly I wouldn’t of blamed them.” One of her hands was off the wheel and gesturing wildly. “I don’t even know why she was standing on the road, the car was halfway up the sidewalk she should’ve stood there.”

Your laughter tapers off but a wistful smile remains on your face, you see Ellie look at you funny out of the corner of your eye. “What?” You ask softly, your eyes now on her profile. Pretty, you think.

“Nothing. Your laugh sounds the same.”

You struggle to maintain your composure. “Is that a bad thing?”

She shakes her head. “No. Just makes me remember.”

You don’t ask what exactly it was she remembers, because you think that it doesn’t really matter. She remembers your laugh and that's enough for you. It has to be, because you know you weren’t in the position to ask for more. 

 Ellie hesitantly calls out your name this time. 

“Yeah?”

“Why did you leave?”

The question was sobering, you were expecting it the moment you saw her yet it still made you flinch. “I couldn’t stay.” You say. 

You don’t elaborate.

She furrows her brow and you have the urge to smooth it out gently with your thumb and apologise for being the reason that its there. “Why didn’t you come back?” She tries again, voice strained like it hurt her to ask. Maybe it did.

You give her a smile. “I am now aren’t I?” 

“I don’t know, are you?”

Your smile falters. 

“Fuck you.” You snap, smile fully gone and replaced with something harsh. You quickly try and backtrack. “I’m sorry-”

“No it’s okay.” You both know it’s not okay. “I shouldn’t of asked.”

“Ellie-”

“Do you want to listen to something?” She interjects as she reaches over you to open the glovebox and pull out a stack of CD’s with one hand, you remember buying her some of them, she plops them down in your lap. “Take your pick. That Fleetwood Mac one is in there somewhere if that’s still your thing.” It was still your thing. 

You grab something different instead, something that you couldn’t immediately attach a memory to and put it in the slot and press play. 

You had swapped out the CD playing twice before you finally gathered the courage to speak to Ellie again, still embarrassed you had thrown your words at her face. 

“How have you been?” You wince at your own words.

She turns to look at you incredulously. “Is that really what you’re going with?” 

You huff even though you knew that it was a dumb question. “Fine. Why did you say yes to driving me home?” 

“Dina forced me.” She was quick with her response.

You let the words sink in before asking another question. “You still could’ve said no.” The Ellie you knew was much more stubborn than Dina, could often outlast any insisting from her.

You watch as she shuffles in her seat and sighs. “Yeah I could’ve but then she would’ve annoyed me about it for forever, so it was easier to just say yes right off the bat.”

Silence fills the air once more as you think about it. Something wasn’t right and perhaps the stifling air in the car was making you agitated or perhaps Ellie wasn’t telling you the truth. The sky was so blue out here, you think.

“Not everything has to mean something.” She blurts out in irritation.

You turn your head to find her already looking at you. “What?”

“I can tell you’re sitting there trying to pick apart what I just said.” She bites at you like you did her, eyes darting between you and the road rapidly as her knuckles grow white from where she clenches the steering wheel. “You do it so fucking much that you forget to fucking listen. Not everyone is trying to speak to you in fucking riddles you know? Maybe, just maybe, when someone tells you their favourite colour’s blue they just really fucking love the colour blue. It has nothing to do with the ocean or the sky, it’s just something that is.”

There was a version of you that she knew and probably was expecting, the same version of you that had snapped at her earlier. That was a small lapse, one apparently Ellie managed to bring out of you. But that part of you that resides somewhere in your chest wanted to yell at her, deny everything she had just said and say something back that would hurt her - hurt you too when you see the look on her face. But nowadays you’re mostly just tired. Besides, she wasn’t exactly wrong.

You click your tongue and hold her stare when she looks back at you. “You done?”

Her chest heaves. “Yes.”

“Good.” You look away. “Focus on the road.”

You hum along to the song playing over the sound of her deep breathing as she tries to calm herself down. When some time passes you open up a bag of what used to be her favourite chips, you were unsure if she still liked them, but you still offer them to her first. You hold the bag steady when she huffs and sticks a hand into the bag to grab some. You’re still mad at her and you’re sure that she’s still mad at you, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to care when she continues to crunch on the chips like her life depended on them. It was all so familiar.

Your anger had settled into quiet exhaustion when Ellie pulls into a 24-hour diner. It was iffy-looking but there was something oddly charming about it. You follow her inside and take note of the outdated furniture and the weird smell permeating throughout the room, you like it, you think. 

Ellie slides into a booth and sitting across from her you see her under the fluorescent lights. She looked more gaunt here, eye bags prominent. You still thought she looked good. You pretend to look at the menu when its placed in front of you by a young teenage girl, knowing what you’ll get but wanting to look busy. The waitress, Betty her name tag says, comes by with a pot of coffee in her hand, she fills up your mug first and goes to fill up Ellie’s when you quickly cover the cup with your hand. Betty’s look of initial confusion is replaced with a big grin. 

“So, what can I get ya?” Her voice is chipper. 

You open your mouth the speak but Ellie beats you to the punch.

“She’ll get the pancakes, extra strawberries, and I’ll just get some bacon and eggs please.” Her eyes widen. “Sorry-”

“-No, it’s okay.”

“I must be tired from driving. I wasn’t really thinking-”

“-No really it’s okay.”

The sound of both your voices overlap as Ellie tries to apologise and as you try to tell her that it’s okay. It’s okay that she still knows you. You see Betty out of the corner of your eye watching in amusement, but to be fair the diner was empty so this was probably the most entertainment the place had been in awhile. 

“Is that all?” Betty asks, grin still taking over her face. 

“She’ll get a diet coke.” You say nodding your head in Ellie’s direction. She looks away with rosy cheeks.

“Y’all are cute. I’ll be right back.” You watch as Betty practically skips away. This diner was oddly charming indeed. 

You’re fiddling with the handle of your coffee cup when Ellie’s drink is deposited in front of her. There was an outrageous curly straw swirling from the tall glass and the sheer disbelief on Ellie’s face made you want to laugh. You lift your mug to hide your face behind it. It was decided then that you and Betty would make great friends.

“You think this is funny don’t you?” The defeat in Ellie’s face is endearing. 

You take a loud sip of your coffee, eyes meeting hers over your cup. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

She sighs. 

“It’s a straw Ellie.” You say, unable to hide the teasing in your tone. “If you don’t want to drink from it just drink straight from the glass.”

Ellie looks you dead in the eyes when she takes her first sip and you try to look anywhere but her mouth around that damn straw. She sucks the drink up and you watch the liquid travel around in its various loop-de-loops, Ellie releases the straw between her lips with an exaggerated lip smack. “Refreshing.”

You snort. “You’re making me jealous.”

She takes the opportunity. “Of the straw?” A single eyebrow lifts in question. 

“No you bitch.” You feel yourself begin to fluster. “I obviously meant of you. Because you got a cool straw and I got this chipped mug. I mean look at it-” you gesture wildly towards it, “-its bright pink and has like a million swirly things.” Swirly things? Really? Maybe Betty is better off remaining your waitress and not your best friend. It wouldn’t be too big of a loss, you didn’t know her that well anyway.

Ellie was laughing, very clearly proud of herself. “I’m just fucking with you.” She says. “You know that right?”

Right.

You avoid her eyes that were looking for yours, cheeks still warm. “Of course, no harm done.”

“Good.”

There’s a stretch of silence before you hesitantly break it. “Ellie?”

“Yeah?”

You pointedly make eye contact with her hoping that she sees if for what it is, an apology or an admission, either way you hoped she saw it. “I meant it when I said I couldn’t of stayed. Back in the car.” You hold up a hand to stop her from interrupting. “I know you’re gonna ask me why, but I don’t know if I can you reason.” 

She reaches across the table to grab your hand that had abandoned your mug. She looked feral in a way, eyes wild. “Try.” She begs. “Please.”

You nod and try to clear the lump forming in your throat. “I think I always wanted to leave, think you knew that too, but I wasn’t gonna leave without you and you weren’t gonna stay without me.” Ellie nods and you continue. “And I would’ve been happy, more than happy to continuing the life that I was living with you. You were my best friend. But do you remember when we got into the argument? The one right before I left?”

You watch as Ellie looks down at your intertwined hands and gulps. “Yeah. Yeah I do.”

“Yeah I remember it too.” You give her hand a squeeze. “I called you every name in the book and you told me that it was suffocating being my friend.” 

She grips you tighter as though she was scared you’ll pull away. “I didn’t mean it-”

“I know.” At the time you wished you had read between the lines to find the something in her words, in the same way she had berated you over in the car. Because she did mean it when she said it and you had felt the same way back but hadn’t put it into words. The two of you were suffocated by the love you had for each other that was disguised as being merely platonic. “But Ellie, I left because I was suffocating me too.” 

It seemed as though Betty had impeccable timing because there she was happy as a clam with your two plates of food. You look at Ellie looking at your hands still holding each other and you think Betty was either your saviour or your worst enemy. 

“Here you two go!” You and Ellie break apart. “And here’s your extra strawberries.” Betty gives you a wink and skips back to wherever she appeared from. 

Ellie looks between you and the food. You give her a smile. “Eat. I’ll still be here to talk about it later.” The words you said sounded awfully like a promise.

Betty comes back to grab your empty plates, coffee in hand as she pours you another. “Can I get you another diet coke?” She tempts.

“No I’m okay. Thank you.” Ellie says.

“No problem, holler if you need anything.” There she goes again.

Ellie calls your name this time, you leave your mug untouched. “What did you mean when you said that you were suffocating yourself too?”

“Everytime I looked at you I felt like I was dying.” It wasn’t a full answer, but you weren’t ready to give so much of yourself away. You feel the same way you did two years ago before you left. “Do you understand?” Please understand, you think.

She looks at you with something in her stare that feels holy, like a revelation. “Yeah I think I do.” 

The period of time between you meeting Ellie and now is often remembered in differing stages of hurt. The hurt in your hands when you clenched your fists too tightly that time in class when you saw her staring at a girl you couldn’t even name. The hurt on your hip when the two of you got matching tattoos. The hurt in your heart when you went away and stayed away. 

The waiting hurt and so did the leaving.

And the realisation that it didn’t need to hurt, especially for as long as you did, left you feeling unsettled. The hurt was familiar, almost as familiar as Ellie, and you didn’t know if you could leave it behind too. Didn’t know if you would survive it. But surviving wasn’t living and this hurt could feel different. Because maybe, finally, all this love will have a place to go. 

You stand up to go pay and Ellie doesn’t try to stop you like she used to. You leave Betty a big tip and she gives you a cheesy grin in return with her thanks. Ellie is waiting by the front door with her shoulders slumped and hands fiddling when you turn around. You walk towards her. 

“Let’s stop somewhere for the night, yeah?”

“Yeah-” her voice cracks and she clears her throat, “-yeah sounds good.”

When you arrive to the closest motel it wasn’t nearly half as charming as the diner you had just eaten in. There was also no Betty to greet you at the front desk, instead a ragged man who was staring a bit too hard at you told you there was only one room left available. He looked far too happy when he sensed your discomfort. 

Ellie places a foot right in front of where you’re standing and steps forward, obstructing your view. “We’ll take it.” She pays this time.

The man throws the keys on top of the counter and grumbles to himself. Ellie places a hand on the small of your back when you turn to walk away and you subconsciously lean into it before you feel her nudge you along. The two of you made the walk to your room in silence but you can still feel the heat from her hand radiating up your spine. You shiver.

Ellie taps your hip, a gesture you remember, to get you to move aside. She swings both bags she was carrying on her shoulder higher so she can open the door and you’re immediately met with the sight of a bed, there was other furniture in the room but the bed really stood out. 

There was one bed. 

It’s okay, you thought. You had shared a bed with Ellie multiple times, you practically lived at her house that one summer and all the summers following. 

“Are you coming?”

You don’t trust your words so you nod and step inside. You didn’t realise closing the door would make the room seem infinitely smaller otherwise you might’ve left it open and just dealt with whatever the consequences were. Because there was still only one bed inside of a really small room. You try and play it cool. 

“You’re taking the left.” Smooth.

Ellie agrees easily. “Fine by me.”

You watch as she throws the bags onto the bed and begin rooting through hers, pulling out an old t-shirt that you recognised and a pair of sweatpants. She makes her way to the bathroom without once looking at you. You huff and grab your pyjamas too, changing into them hurriedly and lying down on the right side.

Ellie turns off the light and joins you in bed, the two of you staring at the ceiling. You hear her breathing and it sounds like your childhood. It sounds like your future too, the one you dream but never talk about. 

You both lay there under the covers on your backs and you think about how close she is to you. You didn’t know how to tell her you missed her, there simply weren’t enough words in the English language to express it, so you remained quiet. You think a lifetime has past when she decides to speak. In a way it had because you feel a new you being created in this dirty motel room. 

“I hate you for leaving.” Without me. You hear the unspoken words this time.

“I know.” 

“I hate you.” She states, stance firm.

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t.”

You don’t know who reaches for who first, all you know is that you turn over and there she was, consuming your senses in a way only she knows how. You think about her lips on yours and the way her tongue traces your bottom lip. You think about her hands gripping your waist tight and the way she sighs into your mouth, you think that you want her to do it again. You think that everything about this road trip was doomed from the start. You think that it’s a problem for tomorrow’s version of you to deal with. 

You stop thinking when she pulls you on top of her and tugs at your shirt. You sigh into her mouth this time. 

[eyesfullofsttars]

☆ I've waited here for you, everlong...

Sypnosis: Ellie Williams, the guitarist of Lost in the Darkness, has questionable methods for handling her stage fright, which results in an accident where Abigail Anderson, a medical student, has to intervene.

Notes: God, this is so dumb, sorry, I'm a lesbian. Also, it's 1.97k words...

Warnings: This is just fluffy stuff with mentions of alcohol (should I put a warning for that?) But nothing more than Abby and Ellie being silly lesbians for each other, nothing sexual or anything!

Stage fright was a frequent challenge for Ellie, despite being the guitarist of Lost in the Darkness, her band. At times, the anxiety and pressure of stepping onto the stage overwhelmed her, feeling all eyes on her, scrutinizing every move and waiting for her to make a mistake.

This obstacle left her with sweaty hands, making it difficult to move her fingers to play the guitar strings, while her chest heaved with each breath, rising and falling incessantly, without giving her a moment to calm her mind.

Despite these challenges, Ellie had found a solution that, although not the healthiest or ideal, allowed her to continue doing what she loved most in the world: playing music, sharing her songs, and being part of Lost in the Darkness alongside her friends Dina and Jesse.

So, facing the consequences, without much thought before stepping onto the stage, Ellie turned to alcohol, taking a couple of shots to calm her nerves and silence the intrusive thoughts that invaded her mind.

That was Ellie's routine before taking the stage to play guitar in front of everyone, delivering a show without hesitation, knocking back shots of vodka continuously just minutes before any gig, even if it was just a modest one at the local bar— the band's current limit—performing in small venues packed with crowds drawn by their love for music.

The shift had been sudden for Ellie, transitioning from jamming in her old man's garage to local gigs and opening for bigger artists. In essence, the band was inching closer to success, but with each step forward, Ellie's fear mounted, seeking solace in alcohol to silence her racing thoughts.

Typically, it had the desired effect; it freed her, making her more outgoing, encouraging her to express herself more boldly, strumming the guitar freely on stage, harmonizing with Dina, charming the admiring girls. Instead of ignoring the bras tossed her way, she would boldly grab one, spinning it around her finger with a confidence fueled by alcohol.

Without alcohol, Ellie would regress to a mere girl with her guitar, tucked away in a corner, absentmindedly tapping her foot, gazing downward with her short hair obscuring her freckled face, lacking even a trace of the confidence that her natural guitar prowess deserved.

Alcohol was a solution that used to work, except Ellie never considered the possibility that her solution would end up complicating things even more.

Now, she was facing the consequences as her dirty Converse sneakers began to get tangled in the guitar cables while she stumbled around the stage in her drunken state.

Eventually, she ended up tripping over the cables and falling off the stage with a loud crash, eliciting screams of shock and surprise from the audience and causing both Dina and Jesse to express concern and rush to her side.

Abigail Anderson possessed a peculiar charm, extremely chic in her act of privacy, coupled with the money inherited from her family of doctors. She inherently embodied elegance, remaining private and reserved, avoiding public events unrelated to her agenda.

It felt like a privilege to have her attention, even a personal luxury to distract her from her primary responsibility, making appearances anywhere other than her classes, her father's private library, her country club playing tennis, or simply hosting a tea gathering at her apartment.

That's why accepting the invitation from her friends Leah, Nora, Owen, and Manny to go to a small local bar for beer and heavy rock music was a surprise to everyone but enthusiastically celebrated.

Taken as an acknowledgment that Abby needed a break from her upcoming exam season, during which she would disappear without being reachable by anyone for weeks.

So there was Abby, seated in one of the uncomfortable chairs of the small bar, her loose blonde hair with two braids hidden among its length, smiling faintly as she watched all her friends having fun, taking sips from her beer bottle, its scent mixing with her white tank top and light blue shirt.

Abby was gently swaying her head to the rhythm of the second song of the night by the band that had taken the stage, enjoying the guitar solo performed by the girl who elicited screams from all the women present, going wild over the presence of this girl with messy hair, black crop top, and denim jorts, whose body seemed to come alive as she played the strings with precision.

Until the guitar solo was abruptly interrupted by the loud and startling sound of a fall, causing the female voices to switch from desperate screams to gasps of shock, and the band quickly ran off the stage, everyone forming a circle around a spot without moving.

"Did the guitarist fall?" Abby heard that question more as an affirmation from Nora, which quickly caught her attention, making her turn to look at her with a furrowed brow, surprising the entire group.

Once it was established that the guitarist had indeed fallen off the stage, all eyes turned to Abby, the always sought-after option whenever something a medical student could handle occurred, but even more so for Anderson, coming from a family of doctors.

"I'll go check..." Abby whispered timidly, unsure of where to look as she noticed all her friends looking expectantly at her, knowing she was capable of helping in this situation.

Abigail slowly rose from her seat, setting down her beer, running her hand through her hair to clear her vision, and asking for permission as she made her way through the crowd to approach the scene. There, she found the guitarist lying on the ground, surrounded by her two concerned bandmates.

After regaining consciousness, the first thing Ellie remembers seeing is none other than an angel sent by the Lord to her, to take her to the afterlife. This moment would forever be etched in the memory of rock, as she passed away following her guitar solo.

At least she was bidding farewell to the world of the dead in peace after being in the presence of an angel, gently caressing her freckled face with gentle yet firm hands. Despite Ellie never being, nor ever will be, a religious person, she could begin to believe after this.

"Oh God, I'm so glad you woke up," Ellie hears the relieved female voice, managing to focus her clear gaze, snapping out of her reverie. "Are you okay?"

Ellie simply nods slowly, realizing that she was still alive, sitting outside the bar, leaning against the brick wall with the cold night air brushing against her exposed skin.

Her hand grazing over her eyes and as she does, her freckled skin becomes more marked with the black eyeliner already in place. However, this motion allows her to see the woman in front of her more clearly.

Strong features, smooth skin except for a sharp scar on the cheek, long blonde hair, concerned blue eyes focused on no one but her, and hopefully, it would always be this way, in addition to her strong hands, larger than Ellie's face, trying to offer some comfort to the guitarist.

No one was allowed to laugh at Ellie's naivety for mistaking that woman for an angel, not even to laugh, because who wouldn't have done the same?

"Who are you?" Ellie dares to ask, still staring at the woman, her green eyes meeting hers, feeling her heart beat even faster at the beauty before her.

"I'm Abigail. Abigail Anderson, I study medicine..." the woman responds and Ellie immediately gets distracted trying to associate Abby's face with that name, fascinated by the small detail. "Are you okay?"

Amidst the silence and observation, Abby slightly furrows her brow in concern, quickly placing Ellie's face between her hands to look for any signs of a concussion.

Though the closeness intimidates her, Abby tries to remain professional and ignore how attractive Ellie is, with her unusual vibe, smudged eyeliner, disheveled hair, and piercings shimmering in the night light.

"Does your head hurt?" Abby manages to get the words out to ask the right question, while her hands still caress Ellie's face, searching for any signs of pain or confusion.

Ellie shakes her head, feeling a little weak but comforted by Abby's presence. Abby's sweet touch is even more comforting for Ellie, who can't focus on any possible pain in front of her.

"No, everything's fine, I think..." Ellie responds in a whisper, attributing her headache to the mix of alcohol and the fall to the floor. "Thanks for caring, doc" she adds with a smile on her lips, the alcohol still in her system making her more confident and unafraid to flirt with Abby.

A giggle escapes Abby's lips as she sees Ellie's attitude, who quickly shakes her head, assuring her that she's fine. Despite everything, Abby remains concerned, removing her hands from Ellie's face.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," Abby whispers, avoiding Ellie's gaze. "Let me know if you feel worse or notice any other symptoms, tell me right away."

Abby's serious tone causes Ellie to snort, nodding obediently, letting Abby know she's listening. Perhaps Ellie misunderstood the situation, or her charms had no effect, or maybe her image lying on the floor wasn't the most attractive.

It's true, Ellie remembers with embarrassment the situation of being sprawled on the floor, completely mesmerized by Abby's image in front of her, caring for her without any ulterior motives. Shame washes over Ellie like the alcohol coursing through her veins, quickly sobering her to reality.

"Sorry..." Ellie mutters under her breath, unsure if Abby can even hear her, but she says it nonetheless, hoping to alleviate some of her humiliation.

Abby listens attentively, but she doesn't respond verbally, just nods quickly, seeking to reassure Ellie that everything is okay, unable to form a coherent sentence herself, longing for Ellie to regain her composure and speak again.

"Thanks for looking out for me. I really appreciate it..." Ellie speaks again, a small smile on her lips, which elicits a smile from Abby too, as if it were contagious, filling her with warmth.

Ellie attempts to rise from the ground on her own, bravely and abruptly, without worrying about the potential consequences, but before she can complete the action, Abby's hand extends towards her, offering assistance in a delicate manner that Ellie quickly accepts without hesitation.

"So... you're heading off alone now?" Abby asks, unsure if it's professional concern for Ellie's well-being or simply a desire to prolong their interaction a little longer.

Although Abby is adept at concealing her intentions, being reserved and formal, a woman who values her privacy, it seems impossible or challenging for anyone to read her and uncover her true motives. But this time, Ellie notices it, realizes it, and discerns the intention behind Abby's words.

Despite Ellie always leaving with her band, escaping from bars to be together, heading to another nightclub to continue the party, always repeating the same routine of getting drunk and picking up girls with the story of being in a band, Ellie nods her head slowly, a smile on her face for understanding what Abby truly means.

"I could use some more medical attention just in case," Ellie responds in an instant, too quick to seem disinterested, but still not trying to hide it beneath the guise of a small joke without taking it too seriously. "Will you walk with me?"

The words catch in Abby's throat, unable to speak as she sees Ellie's smile, her beautiful, freckled face, and that flirtatious yet timid intention mirroring her own. Unable to truly respond, Abby nods dumbly, quickly taking off her jacket and draping it over Ellie's shoulders, covering the sliver of skin exposed by the crop top.