#What I Learned From All of My Hookups In 2020 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

virginpornstar · 3 years

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What I Learned From All Of My Hookups In 2020

I knew 2020 would be less slutty than 2017-2019 due to the fact I wasn’t living in ATL. I still had plans to travel monthly, discover new cities and new men, and be a slut everywhere I go. Covid-19 ruined that. So 2020 was far less slutty than I had anticipated, but I still had a lot of fun this year. We have to roll with the punches, and readjust our plans when the plague strikes. I still learned a lot about myself and my sexual interests with each new penis that entered my body. Here’s what I learned from all of my hookups i n 2020!

1. GUYS THAT DELETE AND CONSTANTY REMAKE NEW DATING APP PROFILES HAVE MENTAL ISSUES

Hooking up with New Castle started off fun, but then he kept acting weird. I asked him why he’d always delete his Grindr profile then make a new one every other week, then he’d go off on me for asking why. I did realize he’d make profiles advertising himself as a top, then ones as vers, then others as a bottom. A clear sign the man didn’t even know what he wants. We had some good times until he started acting crazy, and then randomly blocking men when I couldn’t hookup.

2. GUYS TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY NOW THAT I’VE LIVED IN ATL

Left Tackle and I had been hooking up off and on since 2016. Yet suddenly in 2020 he wanted to start acting differently, like he’s too good for me. Um what? He also acted grossed out and disgusted after following all my ATL sexual adventures, and I think he started to think I was tainted after reading about me hooking up with a poz guy while on vacation. Oh well. Fuck buddies aren’t meant to last forever. I will not have a guy treating me like he’s too good for me, when in fact I’ve always been too good for him.

3. I NEED TO STOP HOOKING UP THE NIGHT BEFORE VACATION

I noticed a pattern of when I’m supposed to have a slutty vacation weekend I end up hooking up the night before I leave. Which either makes me dickmatized and not horny on the trip, or I get my hole ripped and then I can’t even fully enjoy hooking up while away. I’m still gonna fuck, just not as much or as enjoyably if I hadn’t gotten fucked the night before. I still enjoyed my encounter with Big D, even if he did rip me.

4. I CAN’T STAND VIRGOS

Philly Jawn and I had been following each other online and flirting here and there for years. Then when I was staying the weekend in Philly he and I finally made up. it started off well at first, and we even fucked, only for him to act distant and start ghosting me afterwards. Fuck that nigga. I can’t stand Virgo men since they always do this distant shit, and are terrible communicators. If you’re not interested then say so. Don’t waste my fucking time.

5. FORT LAUDERDALE WAS MORE FUN THAN MIAMI

Miami was my last vacation before Covid-19 plagued the earth. It’s also the last time I flew anywhere. I was so excited to hookup with all these hot Miami men, yet somehow Fort Lauderdale was way better than Miami. The bathhouse was definitely far superior in Fort Lauderdale than Miami at least, and I had way more fun hooking up with guys there than the bathhouse in Miami.

6. MIAMI IS TO LATINO GAYS WHAT ATL IS TO BLACK GAYS

I hooked up with so many latino men in Miami/Fort Lauderdale. They are the dominant population. It made me nostalgic for my younger years. I didn’t really get with many latinos in ATL, since black men rule that city. I had many latino lovers in the past, so it made me a little nostalgic. Sometimes a latin lover is all you need to give you great vacation sex.

7. I’M STILL NOT POZ FRIENDLY BUT MAKING PROGRESS

Miami has long been the biggest HiV hot spot in America. Their infection rates are far worse than Atlanta. So it did seem a bit fitting to hookup with a poz guy for the first time while in the HIV capital. When in Rome...granted I only hooked up with him because he was the only cute guy at the bathhouse at the time. If there was anyone more appealing, I wouldn’t have settled for a poz guy. I also wasn’t comfortable enough to do anal, but it’s still progress to have hooked up with a poz guy without penetration.

8. THE PHILLY BATHHOUSE WAS MORE FUN THAN I EXPECTED

I love checking out the bathhouses in every city I travel to. I didn’t have high expectations for the Philly bathhouse since I knew there wasn’t going to be a pool or hot tub, and those are my favorrite amenities at bathhouses. Yet surprisingly the Philly bathhouse was poppin, and I went on a Wednesday afternoon. It was very diverse, and although I didn’t fuck anyone, I still had a good time.

9. IT’S FUN TOPPING SOMEONE’S DAD

I always thought it was hot hooking up with a dick that’s created life. I hooked up with this DL divorced father of 2, he was young and around my age, but still hot knowing he had kids. I topped him, and then he became my plug. I do miss the weed provided more than I miss him.

10. I DON’T MISS THE BUMS IN THE SOUTH

My northern hookups have come bearing gifts. Weed, money, etc...I don’t miss the bums in Atlanta always begging for handouts. Asking for money, transportation, asking for shit. I’ve had so many guys give me shit without even asking like my DL Latino lover. Maybe I should remain in the north, although ATL keeps calling my name.

11. WHITE MEN LOVE BLOWJOBS

One thing I miss about Atlanta is the men there loved to fuck. Being in the suburbs with mostly old white men and DL guys I’ve realized most of them just want head. I used to be oral only, until I got on PrEP and lost a relationship to never wanting to fuck. So now I love to fuck, but keep encountering guys, like Mushroom Man, where all they want to do is get their dick sucked. Sorry, oral only isn’t enough for me to have a good time.

12. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO CATFISH A GUY TO GET THE DICK THAT GHOSTED YOU

Chubby Chaster and I spent hours talking one night on Grindr, then he started ignoring me the next day. Oh hell no! I will not be ignored. I got into the whole anonymous profile thing briefly after my friend encouraged me, and weirdly so many guys are into that. I did end up getting Chubby Chaser to come over, and I kenw as soon as he saw me he must’ve been pissed to realize it was me. Oh well. I still made him cum.

13. WAY TOO MANY DL BOTTOMS IN THE SUBURBS

When I think of DL guys, at least the ones that turn me on, I think of guys with girlfriends/wives that are masc men you’d never be able to tell fuck guys on the DL. They’re also tops. Yet somehow all the DL guys with wives/girlfriends/baby mamas where I am now seem to all be bottoms. WTF! How can you fuck your girlfriend’s pussy, but somehow can’t use your dick to fuck a guy’s ass? Yet you want to let guys fuck you in the ass? That’s not fun for me. I top like once or twice a year, yet hooked up with so many DL bottoms this year.

14. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Gorilla and I have hooked up off and on for years. He’s a Scorpio too, and we never get along. Yet the sex is good. He’s been in an off/on relationshp for years, and seems to only hit me up whenever they’re off. Yet we fucked, then suddenly he started being distant afterwards, and then posting his man on social media. Ugh. I can’t stand that shit. I’ve been in that shit where I fuck new guys whenever my ex and I were off, and then when we’re on again ignore the new guys. I hate that cycle, and it’s not fair to the new people I got involved with. So I hate getting involved in that cycle in other people’s relationships since I wanted consistent dick.

15. NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’LL MEET YOUR FUTURE SUGAR DADDY

I kinda only hooked up with Gasolina because i’d not had dick in months. I was a little desperate. I wasn’t that attracted to his pics, but he had a big dick, and I’m glad we did end up hooking up. Since he turned into my sugar daddy and I had many fun times this summer with him.

16. INVITING OVER A THIRD CAN SALVAGE A TERRIBLE HOOKUP

Panty Man got on my damn nerves. We rented a hotel together for the night, even though we barely knew each other and had only texted/talked on a dating app before. I knew as soon as we began talking, this wasn’t going to work, but I didn’t feel like leaving since I paid for half. I invited over New Castle, and then things turned into a threesome. They didn’t touch each other, but both fucked me. I had a good time, because I invited over another guy. I wouldn’t recommend inviting over a third to salvage terrible sex with your boyfriend, but it works for random hookups.

17. I LIKE CORRUPTING GOOD BOYS

I knew Rocky and I didn’t have any long term potential. He lived too far for me, and his health issues were something I don’t think I could deal with. But we still had some nice times together. He was such a good church boy so I had fun getting him to drink, try edibles, and even wanted him to try poppers. I love introducing men to new things.

18. I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER DATE A WHITE MAN AGAIN

It’s crazy to think I wasn’t even really attracted to black men until 4 years ago, and now I don’t see myself getting serious with any man that isn’t black. Farmer J was the last white boy I went out with/hooked up with, and he will hopefully be the last for the foreseeable future. I’ve had great encounters with white men before, but I never came close to an actual relationship with a white guy. Now after the ignorant comments Farmer J said, and it’s a lot of the ignorance that comes with dating a white man that is attracted to black people, but knows nothing about black people. His offensive comments that he never would’ve realized are offensive, and his voting history were a complete deal breaker for me. Completely reminded me why once you go black, you never go back.

19. GUYS ACT SKEPTICAL ABOUT FILMING YOUR SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS THEN GET SUPER INTO ONCE THE CAMERA IS ON

I saw The Reverend again for the first time in 4 years. I wanted to record more content for my OnlyFans. I knew he’d be skeptical due to the nature of his career, but I have masks and know what I’m doing. I’m surprised how into he got when the camera was on. I always turn my tops into the director since I’m too high on poppers to worry about angles, but it was a fun time. We got some really good footage for my channel.

20. A RANDOM HOOKUP CAN LEAD TO A RELATIONSHIP

Before BMore Bae entered my life I wasn’t looking for love. I had just launched my OnlyFans, wanted to record content, make money, enjoy life, save up before moving to ATL, and then boom. He comes over, he’s cuter than expected, and I caught feelings. I caught feelings fast. It’s been an roller coaster, but it’s so true. Love enters your life when you least expect it. I’m so glad it did. We’ve already made so many beautiful memories together, and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us.

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years

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do you have any darklina fic recs?

I certainly have a few! But first I want to clarify that I don’t really read fic when I’m writing it, and since I have so many fics in the works right now, I haven’t really been reading a lot of fanfiction. So this list probably won’t be as extensive as it could be.

Here are some other great fic recommendation posts, however:

DARKLINA FIC RECS by @vicioux

DARKLINA FIC RECS // part ii by @vicioux

Darklina Ruling the World Together Fic Recs by @clubofthestarlesssaint

Tumblr Ficlets

Aleksander’s First Memory by @kestrafagnor

Fivan Talk About Darklina by @jomiddlemarch

a little light in the great, big dark by @valkyrhys

Alina tells Mal she’s with Aleksander by @lorsanbitch

Darklina week day 5: intimacy & touch by @starlesscne

AO3 Fanfiction

if it ain’t me by larry_hystereks (Incomplete - 10/13 Chapters)

alina’s in her second year at Yale when she meets aleksander at one of his frat parties.

a hookup with the potential for more, only if alina wasn’t still struggling to piece herself together from last year’s breakup.

or: alina, zoya, their trust issues, and the men that fall for them

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I’m only at about chapter 6 of this fic currently, but so far it’s one of my all time favorite Modern AUs. The characterization for Alina and Aleksander is incredibly well done, and the entire fic itself is so feminist and queer in such a refreshing way. Aleksander and Alina are bisexual as fuck, both with their own separate complex lives, and much of Alina’s own traumas and relationships are explored outside of Aleksander.

There’s some Zoyalina, with Nikolina friendship and endgame Zoyalai. There’s some mystery and some tension, but nothing too extreme, and a lot of the fic is merely an exploration in growth and overcoming one’s history and learning how to move on in healthy ways. I love it.

She Wears a Collar (With My Name) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

She is immortal, and whatever lingering hints of humanity she may have once had have long been bleached from her heart.

I will grant you one wish, boy, if it is in my power to do so. What does a Shadow Smith most want?

"You," he answers.

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 2: Role Reversal

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This piece is just exquisite. This author’s writing style is one that I particularly enjoy. Their stuff is always so uniquely composed and crafted, and this one especially is a work of art. The way Darklina as a relationship is portrayed in particular is fascinating to me because it’s a role reversal but it’s still so complex. Aleksander’s character is nailed.

the bright sun was extinguish’d by athousandwinds (Complete)

Somewhere, deep in the dark forests of Ravka, a boy grows up on stories of Sankta Alina of the Wastes, the Sun-Scorched Saint.

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This fic is just straight up magnificent. It’s so engaging and I love love love the way a role reversed Aleksander who joins the army is portrayed. He reminds me so much of Demon in the Woods Aleksander, as if he’s exactly what a grown version of that young boy would be. When I say I adore his characterization in this I’m not lying.

If I wanted any completed fic I’ve read to have a second chapter, it would be this one.

Winter in the Little Palace by redisxwing (Complete)

Written for Yuletide 2020.

Baghra and Alina's wildly different perspectives on the Darkling, and how things could have gone if nobody listened to Baghra.

Warning: Baghra is written as a harsh and arguably abusive parent, and this is darkfic about that relationship, with a side of shipping. Everything is terrible (except the parts that are pretty much okay).

Canon divergence pretty much as soon as Alina gets lessons in summoning.

This fic is likely not compatible with King of Scars (or any subsequent work).

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As is said in the summary, this one makes Baghra a bit more extreme. If you’re a fan of Baghra, this fic probably isn’t for you. But since I’m not a fan of Baghra, I had no problems with it.

My biggest praise for this fic is in regards to the character interactions and the POVs. There’s a brilliant grasp of unique perspective and how to convey it, and that talent is carried over into the way character interactions are brought to life in the text. Also, there’s a scene where Alina gets kind of protective of the Darkling, which is one of my biggest weaknesses when it comes to Darklina.

Good Ideas by FelixRivers (Complete)

Alina Starkov had a very good idea. Aleksander Morozova would definitely agree. (or: Alina wants to go camping and Aleksander won't complain)

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This fic is just straight up adorable and hilarious. They’re such a cute couple and Alina’s POV is great. It’s just pure fluff and humor 💕

I’m not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you by SanktaJenya - @sankta-arya (Complete)

Winter had been hard on Old Baghra and Ana Kuya was worried about her, so she decided that Alina should make the trip to her cottage on the other side of the woods to bring her some food and kvas. On her way there, Alina meets a stranger...

Darklina Red Riding Hood/Company of Wolves AU

Darklina Week, Day 4, Fairytales

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This fic has a splendid grasp of tension and atmosphere. It’s very enchanting and dark and intriguing, and it nails those aspects with absolute precision. I love the style and the way the fairytale is incorporated into the narrative. It’s truly a masterpiece.

The Wretched by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“We are strangers, but I want to help.” He growls at her, mocking and mistrustful. “I understand,” she said. “You think I am one of them. I certainly look like one of them. But I want to help you. Will you let me?” Prompt: fairytale. Alina saves a dragon.

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Okay so I’ve mentioned this one before as one of my Top 5 fics of all time and I still stand by that. I can’t even describe why I love this fic so much except that the pacing is amazing and the prose is stunning and the story is beautiful. Aleksander is a dragon and Alina is a witch, and their relationship is just so...interesting and fascinating and lovely. I would literally kill for this fic. There’s such a softness to it as well. Such a tenderness. Idk, I just really love it.

Show Me Who You Are (I Want To Know) by Ceris_Malfoy (Incomplete - 12/?)

Alina takes her future in her own hands and makes her own decisions.

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This is a great “what if Alina had stuck around after the reveal” rewrite. It doesn’t have Mal bashing and in fact still writes them as close friends, which is something I’m fond of in Darklina fics. Aleksander is allowed to be soft and Alina is allowed to be powerful, and I really enjoyed the take on their dynamics as a power couple wherein Alina is given a lot of control.

There’s something to be said for the way Aleksander is written in the scenes where he must be honest and earnest with Alina. I really enjoy the way they both come to equal ground, and I’m even more fond of the way Alina is allowed to grow darker without losing her light. She also engages a lot with quite a few other characters, developing tons of friendships and alliances on her own that help strengthen her as an individual character.

on this bridge between starshine and clay by @rhea-imagined (Complete)

"His breath narrows for a moment, his fist clenched tight before he forces himself to loosen it. She is his only opportunity for salvation, but vulnerability is not a cape he wears easily. “In those days, there was less prejudice against Shadow Summoners. But everyone fears the dark, in one way or another.” He does not look at her as he waits for the penny to drop, half-hoping it stays suspended in the air."

In which Alexander comes clean to Alina and tells her about his true identity in hopes that this will help convince her to take down the Fold.

A rewrite of the fountain scene in episode four, with a good!Darkling that is trying to make amends.

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This is my all-time favorite good!Aleksander AU. He’s kept in character despite the major changes made to his motivations, and Alina is given a lot more agency in her own story. It’s the first fic in what might become a series, but it can stand alone beautifully.

I love how Aleksander and Alina’s relationship is allowed to grow tense without breaking, and how it’s a clear sign of change but not abandonment. I love how both characters are able to think for themselves and become self-aware and are given the chance to think critically. I love the character interaction so much because it’s honest and fresh and engaging. Everything from the smallest action to the most off-hand thought is in character and meaningful and incorporated with an amazing style of writing. It’s a very refreshing piece, and the writing only makes it that much better.

Bunnies of a Feather Stitch Together by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Just as Alina called to the light, gathering and twisting it into a ball in her hands, the door swung open.

Kirigan blacked out the door frame. His appearance enough would have surprised Alina, but there was something clutched in his arm, something dark and floppy. It almost looked like the stuffed toys that had been passed around to the younger Orphans." - Alina and The Darkling bond over a love of soft things

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Soft stuffed animal shenanigans. Bits of trans!Aleksander, which I’m very fond of, as well as just a lot of fluff with a bit of something bittersweet and sad in a good way.

Half Lie by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Baghra always talked of the demon that had stolen her daughter." Or, Alina learns the hard way that the Darkling isn't the only one who deals in half-truths

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This one is trans!Aleksander, and it handles it in a very interesting way. It’s quite sad, and deals a lot with Baghra & Aleksander’s relationship through Alina’s POV. I want to give a warning for transphobia, because it does center around that a lot as the premise, but it really is worth the read if that isn’t a trigger for you. This is one of my favorite trans!Aleksander fics, and the way it handles emotion and grief and pain is quite extraordinary.

The CEO and Helioseismologist by mrthology (Complete)

Aleksander Morozova doesn't get sick. He's the CEO of one of the most successful companies in the world, one that he had built from the ground up with blood, sweat, and tears. He exercised daily (usually), maintained a healthy diet, and kept himself fit.

He wasn’t sick.

Too bad no one believed him. And too bad Genya decided to call Ivan to take him home before also calling Alina to take care of him.

Maybe, just maybe, being sick wasn't so bad. Especially not when he has such a wonderful girlfriend.

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Both of the fics in this series are great, but I love this one in particular because I’m an absolute sucker for hurt/comfort. Anyone who’s been on my blog for a while knows that it’s my all time favorite trope to read, and this fic fits the hurt/comfort trope to a T in the best of ways. It’s very tender and in character, and Aleksander and Alina are so soft with each other. It’s adorable and really makes you feel for Aleksander, and the caretaking is done perfectly.

All the different layers of dark (thousand little suns) by Anuna (Complete)

One month after the Winter Fete, Aleksander returns to the Little Palace, and Alina has been missing him.

Episode five canon divergence in which Alina had never left Os Alta.

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This one is soft emotional hurt/comfort smut. They’re both so open and vulnerable with each other, and it’s so beautiful to read. I love the writing style and the emotion in this one. It makes my heart ache in the best way.

An Honourable Man by liviy695 (Complete)

A reimagining of the scene after the winter fete. Alina catches a glimpse of a caring Darkling after he returns from integrating the Conductor. Plus, no Baghra interference.

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This one is what it says on the tin, in that Baghra doesn’t interfere and they’re allowed to talk after the Darkling interrogates the Conductor. But more than that, it’s a great imagining of how a scene where Aleksander reveals Marie’s death would have gone. There’s a sort of quiet to it that I appreciate, with grief and solemnity weighed against care and vulnerability.

I see the real you (even if you don’t, I do) by Anonymous (Incomplete - 8/?)

A series of questionable decisions lead Alina to meet the Black General a bit earlier. Butterfly effect ensues.

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I’ve only read half so far (I hadn’t realized it had updated!! 👀👀) but I’m already in love with this fic. Alina’s dialogue and perspective is perfect, her relationship with Mal and the other cartographers is great, and I really enjoy how much personality she has. Aleksander is so smitten, but more than that, his characterization is soft but not weak. It feels almost as if he’s swept up by Alina, instead of the other way around, and I quite like that.

Of parenting by Anuna (Complete)

Alina finds out how her husband handled yet another parenting situation.

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This is pure adorable Darklina parenting fluff and I live for it. Yet it doesn’t lack depth and in fact explored Alina and Aleksander’s relationship with parenting quite well.

i have a longing by LRCee - @ladylyannastark (Complete)

“So, Alina Starkov, risk-taker, how did you end up being editing’s newest wunderkind?”

Alina Starkov is rising in the publishing world. Singlehandedly responsible for editing (see: rewriting) the hottest book of the year, she lands a coveted spot at Morovoz Publishers. It's the position she's always wanted, at the biggest publishing house in the country. Life is perfect. That crush on her boss though, that's gotta go.

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OKAY! I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH!! Let me tell you, as someone who is not too fond of Boss/Employee dynamics, I was very wary going into this fic. But boy did it deliver in a way that was perfect for me.

The relationship that develops between Aleksander and Alina is complex but healthy, and it never feels as if there’s too much of a power imbalance or anything that would make Alina feel forced or unhappy. The tension lies purely in how she fears others will perceive her, and not in how unhealthy her relationship with Aleksander is. For somebody who’s often attracted to unhealthy ships, I have to say that my favorite fics are usually ones that don’t have that type of dynamic between the characters. This fic delivers on that.

Also, Aleksander’s POV surrounding his struggle with his Russian heritage and his feelings for Alina is amazing, and has some of the best writing and characterization I’ve seen.

You receive: an evil demon; I receive: human souls by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

The next morning while she tried to tell herself it was a dream, that of course there wasn’t a fucking demon in her house, she found a note taped to her fridge.

“You might eat this shit,” it had written, “but I would like some fucking souls please.”

Darkling Week Prompt 7: free choice. Alina has a demon in her house.

This is absolute crack, and I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me.

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May I just say that this is the most fun I’ve ever had when reading a fic. It’s interesting with a bit of mystery, and Aleksander as a little shit of a demon is hilarious. Alina in this fic is great too. It’s such a unique take on her POV, especially when you reread it after knowing the ending. 10000/10, this fic is brilliant in every way and I love it.

I had been lost to you, Sunlight by BrytteMystere (Complete)

A Girl became a Woman, became a Sankta, became a Goddess.

Or: An Immortal Alina calls upon merzost to reunite with the Prince of Shadows she lost long ago. She may have lost herself in the process.

But then again, maybe time and endless wars did that instead.

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You really just have to read this one to get it. It is utterly haunting and fascinating in the best of ways. The writing style is strange and novel and fits so well with the story being told. The composition of the fic as a whole is genius.

I Look Inside Myself (And See My Heart Is Black) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"When is a monster not a monster? Why, when you love it, of course."

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 6: Favorite Quote • King & Queen • Monster

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Once more, this author comes through with an absolutely breathtaking writing style and story. The imagery is elegant yet brutal, simultaneously horrifying and glorious. There’s a certain way these stories are written, like fairytales, where the beautiful becomes the macabre and becomes ever more stunning because of it. It’s very dark but in a good way - an almost bewitching way.

Afterlife by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“You are asking me to leave?”

“Not asking, shadow,” she said. “Telling. Time to get unlost, loser.”

Day 3 Darklina Week prompt: Modern AU (I mean, barely)

Alina expels ghosts from purgatory.

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@aceofnowhere once again bringing the best of the paranormal to the Grishaverse. Literally everything you write is amazing idk why I’m even pointing out individual fics when I could just rec your whole page. But anyways!! This is fun and interesting and Alina is a badass. Aleksander is, of course, compelling and dark and kind of a little shit, and it’s all incorporated seamlessly into an existential paranormal narrative.

Once Upon a Shooting Star by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"But most of all, she was drawn to a vast darkness that reached out above all of them, a void so hungry for companionship that she knew she could fulfill."

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Let. Alina. Be. Feral!! Anyways, I clearly have a type when it comes to storytelling, and it’s whatever the fuck this person has got going on. Feral!Star!Alina is literally the light of my life. Her interactions with not only other people but the world in general are so well done, but my favorite parts about this fic are the numerous ways her relationship with Aleksander is described and depicted.

I love the dark and light imagery, especially with how it’s portrayed as them filling in the gaps of each other’s lives and supporting each other instead of trying to block each other out. There’s such clear passion and joy and love and devotion between them. The central focus of this fic is on her and Aleksander’s relationship, the interplay between them and their powers and the way her light fills his loneliness, the passing of adoration and trust and reliance between them. It’s very beautiful and I love it.

A Blaze of Light by Keira_63 (Complete)

They discover the Sun Summoner in the burnt-out remains of the Shu laboratory in which she has spent the last seven years of her life.

Or, the Darkling finds himself with a Sun Summoner whose greatest wish is to burn Shu Han to the ground. He is happy to oblige her.

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👀👀 Badass Alina and Badass Aleksander. The ultimate power couple, and Alina burning a path through Shu Han before they both burn a path through the world together. The darkness and rage in this one are handled very well, and the way that rage turns to coldness and then resolve is done so well. This fic is very cathartic and also very furious, and reading it is certainly a trip down emotion lane.

One more for the Road by Rist (Complete)

He returns to the war room shaken, and finds an Alina that cannot leave without at least having tried.

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This one hurts so much but its soooo gooood!!! Very smutty but also very tender and very bittersweet. Sad and soft all at once. I just... love the way Alina and Aleksander are written so much, and Alina’s complicated feelings for him are explored in such detail and depth. This one is truly worth the read.

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bethsuglywigs · 2 years

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2021 fic review

tagged: @foxmagpie

total number of completed works: 5 (10 if you count my prompt fills)

total word count: 71,721

fandoms i’ve written in: good girls

looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected: less :( i took up fic writing at the end of 2020 and published 23k (and wrote substantially more) in less than three months. i wrote so much initially that i was surprised when i hit a writing wall this year.

what’s your own favorite story of the year? make our way to the stars tonight

did you take any writing risks this year? yes, expanding Post-Breakup Sex into a full multi-chapter fic has been a real challenge for me. its really pushed the limits of my writing abilities. hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? i want to finish PBS. I also want to finish and publish my bank robber au in the first half of the year.

most popular story of the year? surprise, surprise its post-breakup sex by all metrics

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: i think my prompt fills are totally slept on but i also wish i posted them individually in a series. you live and you learn i guess

most fun story to write: make our way to the stars tonight (actually its my bank robber au but thats not published sooooo)

most unintentionally telling story: i dont think my stories reflect much of me tbh. like even my smut isnt really reflective of my personal fantasies. but my prompt fill the game played right contains a hookup ripped directly from my senior year of college down to the canasta playing. i supposed its telling to a degree because i gave that moment to brio when it was something very significant in my real life even though the beth’s feelings and reactions to the situation were very different from my own.

biggest disappointment: american money - i dont like it and i think its bad. i consider taking it down like once a week.

biggest surprise: behind closed doors - i wrote it and then forgot about it for several months

my favorite part of the fandom this year: hanging with the homies :)

not tagging anyone because i forgot about this and 2021 as since passed lmao

#the way i forgot about this #my fanfiction #tagged

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ineverlookavvay · 4 years

Text

I'm still here hoping (that one day you may come back)

Set during the lost decade. After years apart, Alex and Michael spend a night together.

Fic prompt: “I don’t want you to go.” - Day 3 of Michael Guerin Week 2020

content warning for alcohol, semi-explicit sex, self-destructive behavior

Read it on Ao3

Michael slammed the door to his truck and took a breath, looking around to see if anyone else was loitering in the parking lot of the bar. Too many people, too dangerous to do what he wanted and throw something heavy across the lot with his mind, but too much energy to go inside. Instead, he slammed his fist against the side of the truck, reveling in the way the blow rang through his bones.

It was a Friday night, so of course the parking lot wasn’t empty, which was good since Michael was looking for a fight tonight. He was getting good at recognizing the types of truck that usually belonged to the kind of guy he didn’t mind going to jail for pummeling, and there were several excellent contenders.

Satisfied with the potential, he strode into the Wild Pony, avoiding Maria’s gaze and slipping into a seat at the bar. He was enough of a regular that he barely had to motion to the guy behind the bar to order a drink.

“Don’t you have a trailer to loiter in?” Maria sauntered up, leaning on the bar like she owned the damn place instead of her mom.

“Can’t you afford to hire other people to work here?” Michael shot back, accepting the drink the actual bartender slid in front of him and smirking at her when she frowned. “Go away, I’m a paying customer.”

“Tabs don’t count.”

Michael gave her an actual smile, even though he felt like screaming and crying and tearing the entire town down to splinters. “No, but see, I’m promising to someday be a paying customer. That’s just as good.” She put her hands on her hips, staring him down. Michael was struck again by how ridiculously unfair it was that being an adult was just the same as being in high school, except everyone felt even more entitled. The able-to-drink-in-public part is better though. “Are you gonna take away my drink?” he asked inflammatorily. “No? Then goodbye.” She rolled her eyes but walked away.

Michael sipped his bourbon and slipped some acetone into it. More than he should, probably, but numb was better than whatever he was currently feeling. Numb had always been better than the noise and the tangle of thoughts and the pain—all of the fucking pain—and the worry.

It shouldn’t have even been this bad. It was just a party, an engagement party, for Isobel and her utterly normal, friendly boyfriend. Well, fiancé, now.

Michael wasn’t sure what it was about the whole thing that made him feel the way he did. Maybe it was that reminder of Max and Isobel’s happy, wealthy family, and how completely unaware the Evanses were of the ridiculousness of throwing a gauzy, white party in the middle of the desert. He could always see in their eyes that they were glad when he left, even if they pretended otherwise. Or maybe it was that Isobel had actually found someone to marry, an actual companion, someone who didn’t make her sad, who didn’t make her feel so much that it ached.

Not that Michael was looking for someone to marry. Fuck, no. He was happy chasing the smaller highs of casual hookups. Or at least, he was content with it. He’d had his taste of that something else, of that ache, of that feeling they wrote melodramatic poetry about; he’d had his chance and it had been too much. Too much for someone like Michael, too much to sustain, too much to sacrifice for when he didn’t have anything to give except himself, and even that was small and insufficient.

That summer, the three of them had become bad people, the kind of people who cover up a murder for their own good, no matter how justified it might have seemed. And while Max and Isobel dealt with it by being the very best, upstanding citizen parodies of themselves, Michael just stopped acting like anything mattered. He wasn’t a cowboy, or an upstanding citizen, or a drunkard, or anything—he was only himself. And one of these days, he was going to get off this forsaken planet and become something.

But until then, he split his mind between working and going to Isobel’s parties and pretending he didn’t hate every minute of it. The engagement party had been semi-formal, which meant Michael had put on a clean shirt and jeans, and grudgingly accepted the tie she thrust at him when he walked in the door (now buried somewhere on the floor of the truck). He’d put on a smile and he’d toasted the happy couple and he’d tried to stem that idiotic part of him that had the nerve to feel jealous.

The jealousy, and the sadness, and the feelings of inferiority weren’t even the worst part. The worst part was that they’d gone years and years without telling anyone their secret, and now Isobel was getting married. She was literally going to swear to be honest and faithful and whatever else, and Michael couldn’t help but feel a little worried that she would want to tell all her secrets to this man she was planning to spend her life with. All of their secrets. No matter how much she protested that she didn’t want that, that she wanted a normal marriage, it was still concerning.

Michael finished the drink and another one appeared. Got to love being a regular, even if he wished he had a nicer place to haunt. He took a drink and tipped more acetone in, glancing around the bar for someone to talk to, or hit on, or just plain hit. And his eyes fell on someone walking through the door: Alex.

Michael turned back to the bar immediately, taking a drink with shaking fingers. Fuck. This wasn’t the right night for his first lov—his high school ex, who he hadn’t seen in years, to come wandering back into his life. Then again, Michael wasn’t sure there ever would be a right night for it.

They hadn’t talked. The end of that summer had turned into one nightmarish day after the next—Michael had his first string of arrests, his first nights in the drunk tank, all to try and chase the memory of that night from his mind, to chase away the disappointed look Alex had given him when Michael admitted that he wasn’t going to college after all. It wasn’t like he could say, ‘I have to stay and keep an eye on my homicidal alien sister.’ Things had been bad enough before he’d woken up one morning to find that Alex was gone. Really, actually gone.

That had been the worst string of nights Michael had experienced since he’d learned to punch back.

Michael looked around again, unable to stop himself. He wasn’t sure if Alex had seen him, and besides that, he wasn’t sure if Alex would give any fucks about him. Probably not, which was fair. The only people who did give a fuck about Michael were Max and Isobel, and they didn’t have a choice.

The problem was that Michael was smart. Smart enough to have noticed which tables were empty in the bar when Alex walked in, to find him within seconds at one of them, talking to Maria. Michael was too smart to believe that his shaking hands weren’t the prelude to something larger and more fantastic and extremely not attached to him shaking, to think that he was going to be able to sit there at the bar and drink like nothing at all is different and—fuck.

Michael accidentally met Alex’s gaze and immediately ducked his head down, like he could somehow hide behind nothing, when it was clear that Alex had already seen him. Michael’s head was too fuzzy already to have a good sense of what Alex’s expression had looked like, the whole bar was suddenly too loud and chaotic for him to grasp something as intangible as a social cue.

Maria slid up to the bar and leaned over it to grab two beers, looking sideways at Michael. “What’s wrong, Guerin? Someone bigger and stronger steal the girl you were eyeing?”

He mimed laughter. “Funny.” Michael swallowed the remainder of his drink and stood up, feeling a little bit wobbly and not from the bourbon. “Save your material, I’m leaving.”

Maria looked happy he was going, which was just the icing on the damn cake. Absolutely no one wanted to see Michael, and he wasn’t even really drunk enough to pick a worthwhile fight. He spared another quick glance at Alex’s table, ignoring how it made his pulse speed, ignoring that Alex still looked good as hell, and shoving his still shaking hands in his pockets as he walked past and out of the bar.

He didn’t go to his truck though. There was nothing waiting for Michael anywhere else, and he was far too wired for sleep. Maybe he could still find something to do while he waited for Alex to leave so he could have the bar to himself. Michael slipped into the shadows, leaning against the wall of the building and taking the momentary lull in parking lot foot traffic as an opportunity to sip a little more from his flask of acetone.

He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, but standing there in the warm night air, with the faint sound of music and laughter seeping through the windows, he felt almost okay. It was almost enough to unsnarl his mind for a moment.

And then the door opened, and Alex stepped out of the bar.

Michael’s breath caught as he waited to see if anyone was with Alex, but no one else appeared. He couldn’t tell if Alex was intentionally walking towards him, or just walking with his fingertips trailing the side of the building, but either way, in a matter of moments they were closer than they’d been in a long, long time.

It wasn’t the right night for this. Michael felt like he needed someone, he had been thinking about their time right after high school anyway, and now he felt unmoored and uncontrollable and like if he was going to make a mistake, he might as well dive in. Michael reached out as Alex drew near him and grabbed Alex’s hand, pulling him into the shadows where Michael was lurking.

“Guerin,” Alex breathed, and it didn’t sound like anger.

“Alex.” Michael’s hands were shaking.

“How are you?” Alex hadn’t pulled his hand away, and Michael honestly wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a terrible sign. But it was contact. What aliens crave. “I saw you before, inside, but I wasn’t sure if—”

“What are you doing here?” Michael asked abruptly.

Alex smiled, surprised, and it was all nostalgia and ache and the burning brightness of a star. “I’m on leave.”

If it had been another night, if Michael hadn’t been feeling raw and lonely, if he was a little more or a little less drunk, if his hands weren’t shaking like damn leaves. But it was, and he was, and they were. It was a foregone conclusion.

“Wanna go for a drive?”

Alex nodded, and Michael hated how it made his chest clench.

They drove into the middle of nowhere, far enough away from lights that the stars blinked into view. Michael just drove, and god help him, it reminded him of that summer, driving out to the middle of the desert just to be alone with each other. And here Alex was, again, sitting just too far across the bench seat of Michael’s truck, making idle conversation and good-naturedly criticizing every song that came on the radio.

Eventually, Michael found a place to park, cutting the engine and the radio off. They sat in silence for a long, terrible moment. “Nicer view from the bed,” Michael said without thinking about the wording, and Alex laughed nervously.

“Yeah, okay.”

They clambered out and into the truck bed, and Michael was glad he’d recently washed some of the blankets he kept thrown in there. Alex sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, while Michael lounged across the other side, trying to make himself look more put together than he felt. Alex looked at the stars and Michael looked at Alex. He looked good—older, and maybe more tired, and he was missing the jewelry and eyeliner that was so endearingly rebellious. He looked quieter, somehow, and the thought of that made something in Michael want to scream.

“I forgot how quiet it was,” Alex said eventually, looking over at Michael. His eyes were the same, or at least they still made Michael feel achingly adrift.

“Must be a nice change.” Michael had no idea what he was saying, he was just trying not to let the conversation die. Alex laughed wryly. “How’ve you really been?”

Alex shrugged. “You really want to hear about it?”

Michael didn’t. The idea of Alex—Alex who was good and real and made him ache—off fighting someone else’s wars made Michael sick to his stomach, made him want to flip the damn truck over.

“I’ve spent all day talking about the Air Force,” Alex said eventually.

“Okay, so tell me something else about you,” Michael said.

“I’m glad to see you,” Alex said, staring straight at Michael, like he was daring him to argue. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here.”

“Well, I am. For now.” It was a lie—Michael wasn’t leaving Roswell unless it was in a flying saucer—but the lie made reality easier to bear.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” The information was offered before Michael could decide if he wanted to know. Alex’s phone chimed from where he’d left it in the cab. “And I had plans for tonight.”

“Breaking plans to bum around with me? I’m honored.”

“When you looked at me in the bar, I forgot all about them,” Alex continued, sounding mildly disgusted with himself.

Michael swallowed hard. “When I looked at you in the bar, I forgot about everything else.” It was easier, out here, to say things like that, knowing it was just between him and Alex and the desert and the night sky—and Alex would be gone tomorrow.

“Are you still getting into fights? Still drinking? Still getting arrested?” He sounded hopeful. That just made it all worse.

Michael looked down at the blanket he was sitting on, worrying the edge of it between the fingers of his bad hand. “Not currently.” Alex’s hand suddenly reached out and grasped his fingers, stopping the fidgeting. Michael looked up and Alex was closer, their faces inches apart.

“Just for tonight,” Alex said, and Michael nodded, unable to turn away even if his life depended on it. Alex smiled like he couldn’t help it, and then pressed his lips to Michael’s.

Everything was quiet. Everything was eclipsed by the desire, the ache, the need to press as much of himself to Alex as possible. Alex’s lips were more chapped than Michael remembered, but otherwise it was the same—the same swooping sensation in his stomach, the same warm wet pressure, the same fervent way Alex licked Michael’s lips until he deepened the kiss. Michael bit back the high, needy noise threatening to burst out of him, wrapping his hand around Alex’s waist, holding him as close as possible when they were both awkwardly sitting side by side in the truck bed. It was enough.

Michael had asked Isobel how it felt to kiss Noah, once. It was under the guise of teasing, but he had really wondered if everyone had the same brilliantly overwhelming feelings he experienced with Alex, like nothing else mattered but the two of them, like nothing else even existed. Michael hadn’t felt that with anyone else, but no one else had been nearly as important as Alex was to him, as Noah seemed to be to Isobel. Isobel had laughed, and said something cliched and cute, but it hadn’t come anywhere near the words he would use to describe kissing Alex. And now, he wasn’t sure that he hadn’t undersold the experience in his memory.

They fell back against the blankets, legs intertwined. It was perfect until Michael misjudged and hit his elbow on the side of the truck with a bang and a loud “Fuck!” Michael slid quickly away from the offending metal, closer to Alex, and Alex giggled, hiding the sound in the curve of Michael’s neck. Michael filed that away, the sound of Alex giggling, deep in his memory, a balm for the really bad moments.

His face still tucked into the juncture between Michael’s neck and shoulder, Alex turned the laughter into kisses, pressing them along the sensitive skin of Michael’s neck. Michael ran his good fingers along Alex’s spine, and Alex shivered at the light touch. Michael felt good, he felt weightless, like he’d been carrying an invisible weight, and now Alex was lifting it.

Alex’s fingers plucked at the edge of Michael’s shirt, and Michael let Alex peel it off of him, the air and anticipation prickling at his bare skin. Alex touched Michael with a look of reverence, running his hands along the lines of Michael’s collarbones, tripping across his nipples, stroking over his ribs, smoothing the line of his stomach. Michael had forgotten how this felt, to have someone really want him, really want to touch him, in a way that felt intimate instead of rushed and anonymous. It made him feel powerful and incredibly vulnerable.

Michael tugged at the buttons on Alex’s shirt, slipping them from their holes, slowly revealing skin, an exceptional tease. Alex huffed a laugh as Michael’s tugging became more insistent, the last button popping clean off the shirt, rolling across the metal of the truck bed. They crashed together, gripping each other’s hips, pressing their skin together and kissing messily.

It was just like the last time, except the sting of that summer was dulled; over time, it had been overtaken by the way that Michael ached when he thought about how long it had been since he’d seen Alex, how many nights he’d spent lying in bed hoping that nothing terrible had happened to him. They were both still eager, and they both seemed to want it just as much. The difference was that Michael knew now that this wasn’t just a summer fling, that it never could be; the difference was that Michael knew that something in him broke every time Alex left, and he would have to try his best to rebuild himself tonight because in the morning, it would break again.

Michael ran his fingers arounds the waist of Alex’s pants—soft, ticklish caresses that made Alex’s breath catch, his exhales twisting towards a moan. Michael undid the fiddly zipper of Alex’s pants, letting out his own moan at the sudden expanse of skin as Alex helped pull them off, at the suggestive bulge of Alex’s cock beneath his boxers. Michael’s pants were off after another moment, hurried motions that made both of them giggle and moan like teenagers.

Filled with the restless energy of want, Michael pressed Alex back down on the blankets, rolling to hover over him, sweeping his eyes over all of Alex’s skin. Their kisses were heated, spurred on by their bodies sliding together. Michael could feel every nerve in his body reacting to touching Alex, every bit of him lit up and conscious of Alex’s every movement, every sigh, every push of his hips against Michael’s, every look and every kiss burning through him.

Alex pulled away, breathing hard, his hand tangling in Michael’s hair. “Christ, I missed you,” he whispered, quiet even though no one else was around. He sounded wrecked, and Michael felt the sound sear itself in his memory.

Michael took a deep breath. Alex was smiling up at him, looking blissful; Alex was here, with him, and he had to make it count, to make it good for Alex, because Michael knew with a sudden certainty that he wouldn’t be able to survive it if Alex came home the next time and didn’t fall into his arms. Michael spent so much time disappointing so many people, but this—loving Alex—this he could do.

“You look nervous,” Alex said, later, when they were both naked and Michael had found the lube he kept stashed in the glove compartment.

“No,” Michael laughed, running his tongue along the sensitive skin by Alex’s hip. “It’s just been a while since I did this with someone I liked as much as you.”

Then Michael’s mouth was on Alex’s cock and Alex’s response turned into a moan, his voice rising into the quiet air as Michael tried to say everything he really wanted to say without any words and hoped Alex would understand.

Hours later, as they lay wrapped together in blankets and each other, sweat cooling on their skin, Michael ran his hand through Alex’s hair and wished he had the power to slow time. Alex’s hair was longer in high school, and Michael regretted slightly that he couldn’t pull on it the way he remembered Alex liking. It was just another reminder that things were different now, that Alex was going to leave for someplace he might never come back from, while Michael dug his own grave slowly in Roswell.

“That’s nice, Michael,” Alex said, leaning into Michael’s touch. Michael pressed kisses to his cheeks, his forehead, his lips—gentle, unhurried kisses, the kind they never got to have in high school. There was always some danger lurking around the corner, the fear of being seen, of being caught; now the only threat was the sun, and the morning that would take Alex away.

“Only nice?” Michael teased, kissing along Alex’s jaw, down his neck. “Do I have to demonstrate my charms again?” He pressed his hips toward Alex suggestively.

“Nice is good,” Alex replied, sighing as he leaned closer to Michael. “And this was perfect.”

Don’t leave, he wanted to say. Instead, he rocked their bodies together again more purposefully as he felt Alex respond. They gripped each other like they could hold together the things threatening to tear them apart with every passing minute, kissing with renewed passion, making the most of what time they had.

They hadn’t slept at all when the sun started to rise, painting the broad expanse of the desert with color and light, or at least Michael hadn’t. Alex was dozing, and Michael was watching him, watching the way the glow of the early morning made Alex’s skin golden, the way his eyelashes fluttered as he dreamed, the dark red of his well-kissed lips. It would have been creepy to take a photo, but Michael wished he’d brought his phone out of the cab, wished he had a picture of Alex looking peaceful and fucking radiant, to remind himself that not everything was shit all of the time. Instead, Michael looked and looked and tried to etch the image onto his memory.

Alex stirred, blinking awake and smiling up at Michael. “Hey.” His voice was thick with sleep and sex, and Michael’s chest felt tight at the thought he might never get to hear that again. He’d never admit it, but while Alex slept, Michael had mentally seriously considered the pros and cons of joining the damn Air Force himself just to have some piece of Alex around him all the time.

“Mornin’,” Michael drawled, kissing Alex’s eyelids, kissing Alex’s hand, kissing Alex everywhere he could see. Alex yawned and Michael grinned. “Tired?”

Alex’s face slipped from contentment to something sadder and more complicated. “Hey, that’s the first time we’ve both actually slept in the same place.”

“Speak for yourself,” Michael replied, then switched tactics when Alex’s face dropped a bit. “Yeah, I know.” He paused, watching Alex’s expression brighten. “I liked it.”

“Me too.”

The sun sped higher in the sky, drenching them in light. Michael wondered what would happen if he tried to telekinetically move the sun back towards the East. Probably worse than just a nosebleed.

Alex started to root around for his clothing in the mess of blankets, shooting Michael small smiles despite the aura of sadness surrounding them. Alex pulled on his pants and slid off the back of the truck, standing up and looking around them like he was cataloguing his surroundings. Michael sighed and pulled on his own jeans, trying to ignore how final it felt.

“So.” It was stranger, in the light, with Alex standing up and out of reach. “You going back to some buff Air Force boyfriend?”

Alex laughed, glancing over his shoulder and raising an eyebrow at Michael. “You going back to some drunk townie?” It stung, a little, and after all hadn’t Michael been trying to sting him by asking first. Alex sighed, turning back to Michael fully, his face suddenly sadder and less guarded. “Don’t worry, Guerin, you’ve ruined me for anyone else.”

Guerin. After being Michael all night, it hurt more than he expected. Michael’s chest tightened at the name, at the offhand remark, and he wanted nothing more than to agree, to tell Alex that he felt the same and have it ring with truth, to admit that nothing else could ever stand up to whatever it was they stumbled upon at 17—but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because Alex was leaving and there wasn’t a damn thing Michael could do about it, because Michael was still himself and now that it was light he could feel the unease spreading over him, because they were different people now than who they had been years ago, and it was nothing but foolish to pretend that nothing had changed.

“I don’t want you to go,” Michael said instead, petulantly.

Alex smiled sadly and shook his head. He pulled his shirt on, tucking it in to hide the missing bottom button, and walked back to the passenger door of the truck. Done. Finito.

Michael sighed, blinking back the heat sitting in the corners of his eyes, threatening to become something he couldn’t laugh off. Michael would only let himself cry in one place, and that was alone in his trailer, where no one could see or hear him, where no one could sense any weakness.

Michael started the truck before realizing he had no idea where Alex wanted to be taken. Not home, because home was still his father’s house, and Michael avoided that place like the plague.

“You can drop me off at the Wild Pony,” Alex said quietly. “I’ll get a ride from Mimi.”

“Right.”

It wasn’t a long drive. Far too short, but neither of them talked. They sat in silence, the cab filling with unspoken words, dread and sadness neither of them could force past their lips. Michael wanted to tell him to be careful, wanted to beg him to stay, wanted to cry and scream and protest that it wasn’t fair for something to be this important and still be impermanent. He drove in silence and parked at the edge of the lot, giving Alex the chance to sneak away without being obvious about where he was coming from. That hurt, too.

“Oh, hey.” Alex paused with his hand on the door latch. “I have something for you, don’t leave.” He climbed out of the car and went running towards the building.

Michael stared after him, his hand on the gear shift, ready to escape if anyone else appeared, certain he’d misheard the request to wait. He could vaguely make out a figure in the doorway handing Alex a bundle of fabric—probably Mimi—and Alex gestured at her to go inside before running back towards Michael.

He pulled open the door and slid back inside, handing Michael a thin cd case. Michael took it cautiously and Alex shrugged, clearly embarrassed. “It’s um—it’s a mix cd. I made it a while ago, thought maybe you could use some good music for a change and it—it made me think of you, so.”

Michael considered the cd, brushing his fingers against the plastic, a sheet of paper with Alex’s handwriting on the inside of the case, listing a bunch of songs he didn’t know. It was very plain, no doodled hearts or personalization or anything, but still, it was something tangible that came from Alex, something Michael could hold, something given to him on purpose. He looked up at Alex with something like wonder. “Thank you,” he breathed, then recovering some swagger, “Knowing your music taste, not sure that counts as a gift, but…thanks.”

Alex smiled, and pulled Michael in for a kiss, short and searing and carrying so much that was unsaid that Michael felt the weight of it settle over him. He wasn’t ready for Alex to leave again, he was never going to be ready, and Alex was always going to leave because Michael was never going to be enough to keep him. That’s just how it was, but Michael knew he would never be able to stop trying to be enough.

“I think I might love you,” Michael said against Alex’s lips, unable to hold back the surge of emotion.

“Don’t.”

Alex breathed in sharply, and Michael could see a tear fall from Alex’s eye, neither of them acknowledging it. He kissed Michael again fiercely, and Michael knew it still wasn’t enough, and he knew that Alex wasn’t going to reply, and he knew that he would swallow it down and disappoint everyone and life would go on. It was inevitable that Alex would pull away, and it wasn’t until he did that Michael realized their hands were clenched together, the cd lying in his lap.

They didn’t do goodbyes, so Alex just smiled tightly and slipped out of the truck and into the bar, and that was it.

Michael drove home. He parked the truck and climbed into the trailer and showered, washing Alex Manes and every painful emotion he brought up down the drain with the soapy water.

Clean and changed and exhausted, Michael tried unsuccessfully to focus on work. His gaze kept going back to the stupid mix cd—who even did that anymore?—and eventually he gave in, rolling his eyes and trying not to feel anything as he started the cd playing.

He didn’t know the songs, and it wasn’t his taste, and it didn’t matter in the least. Michael sat on his bed and listened to the songs that reminded Alex of him.

Sitting there, Michael imagined that he could hear the sound of a jet overhead, carrying Alex out of New Mexico and out of Michael’s grasp; he imagined he could hear Alex’s footsteps, his uniform shoes clicking on the tiled airport floor, tapping anxiously against the floor of his father’s car. Michael listened to the cd and it felt like senior year; it felt like everything he’d ever tried to forget because it hurt and Michael didn’t know what to do with hurt except swallow it down or drink it dull; it felt like lying in the middle of the desert watching the sunlight dance on Alex’s face as he slept.

Michael listened to the cd again when it finished, and then again, and he let himself fall apart, alone in his trailer, mourning the life that they could have had, mourning the life that they never would. He listened until his eyes were sore and red and his chest burned with longing and he felt drained and exhausted. And then he took the cd and slipped it back into its case and put it inside of a cabinet, buried beneath other things, and tried to remember how to forget.

#mgweek20 #guerinweek20 #malex #lost decade #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #rnm fic #my writing #angst #loving someone you can't be with #i'm really proud of this fic I hope y'all like it

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empressxmachina · 3 years

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"Officer, I'm packed and ready to leave the land. You should have no qualms with me. Now, I have to go back to work on my Conference Closing speech, and I worked on it until pretty late last night. But I want to say one thing to your team. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. I am aware of the laws regarding visceral blending here. I understand the safety concerns with them. Yes, we conversed yesterday, but I know nothing of her current whereabouts. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Schengen. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time—never. These allegations are false, and, if you'll excuse me, I need to go back to work."

~more info and stock reference under the cut~

If you're anything like me, then this looks like a lot of situations. For sanity's sake, here's what I genuinely had in mind: A small researcher, journalist, or whatever named Imelda went to a conference. A larger foreigner I'm calling Carson is giving a keynote presentation there, by which - which not whom - she was enamored. Rules of the location forbid the two sizes congregating, except for widely public functions. She sneaks to his hotel room to learn more about his work. By the hands of fate, they bloom a connection of more than peer-reviewed papers. The next morning, at check-out time, she's found missing from her room. Local officials begin patrolling for her. Carson's readying for his last day there and Imelda's coming to when the door begins to open without warning. Knowing the rules have been extensively broken, he hides all her visible items, including her, out of the entering officer's line-of-sight. Cases are made, the quote is said, confusion is raised, and the administrator eventually leaves. Thanks are given, goodbyes are said, fearful fun was had, and a puny, personal note with contact info and a just-as-tiny kiss on top is found on a loose business card of Carson's when he returns home. If you're a better person than me, then you may be wondering, "Impugnate Radical, what else could this possibly look like than a hidden hookup?" Prostitution, just like the half-callback to a Tom Cruise movie in the title implies. So many times, money was nearly on this bed, meant to look like it had simply fallen out a pocket or purse, and it would've actually looked like prostitution, escorting, and the like. I already have other tales you can check out that could be considered full of that; it doesn't need to be here. Steps to Obtaining That Good-Good, for Science ~Autodesk Sketchbook ~Carson, the sk8r boi Chad ~Imelda, with the all-too-well-fitting panties ~hotel, motel, Holiday Inn ~he who knows y'all ain't slick ~suitcase closed ~not-so-high heels ~smash or passport ~getting the bag ~what a card ~mwah ~cacaw, majestic as fuck ~all that glitters ~name tag, you're it circa February 2020. Despite the quote allegory, they totally did.

#g/t #my art #risky business trip #sw #giant male #hotel motel holiday inn

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zo2paintedlady · 3 years

Text

LGBTQ+ Novels/Memoirs

Here is the book list from my LIS 618 class. The links will bring you to their Goodreads pages.

The 57 Bus by Dashka Slater (2017) *based on a true story* "One teenager in a skirt. One teenager with a lighter. One moment that changes both of their lives forever. If it weren't for the 57 bus, Sasha and Richard never would have met. Both were high school students from Oakland, California, one of the most diverse cities in the country, but they inhabited different worlds. Sasha, a white teen, lived in the middle-class foothills and attended a small private school. Richard, a black teen, lived in the crime-plagued flatlands and attended a large public one. Each day, their paths overlapped for a mere eight minutes. But one afternoon on the bus ride home from school, a single reckless act left Sasha severely burned, and Richard charged with two hate crimes and facing life imprisonment. The case garnered international attention, thrusting both teenagers into the spotlight."

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Saenz (2012) "Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship--the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be."

The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson (2016) "Two boys. Two secrets. David Piper has always been an outsider. His parents think he’s gay. The school bully thinks he’s a freak. Only his two best friends know the real truth – David wants to be a girl. On the first day at his new school Leo Denton has one goal – to be invisible. Attracting the attention of the most beautiful girl in year eleven is definitely not part of that plan. When Leo stands up for David in a fight, an unlikely friendship forms. But things are about to get messy. Because at Eden Park School secrets have a funny habit of not staying secret for long…"

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender (2020) "Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after. When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle...."

Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe (2019) "In 2014, Maia Kobabe, who uses e/em/eir pronouns, thought that a comic of reading statistics would be the last autobiographical comic e would ever write. At the time, it was the only thing e felt comfortable with strangers knowing about em. Now, Gender Queer is here. Maia's intensely cathartic autobiography charts eir journey of self-identity, which includes the mortification and confusion of adolescent crushes, grappling with how to come out to family and society, bonding with friends over erotic gay fanfiction, and facing the trauma of pap smears. Started as a way to explain to eir family what it means to be nonbinary and asexual, Gender Queer is more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity--what it means and how to think about it--for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere."

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver (2019) "When Ben De Backer comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they're thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school. But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life."

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert (2017) "When Suzette comes home to Los Angeles from her boarding school in New England, she isn't sure if she'll ever want to go back. L.A. is where her friends and family are (along with her crush, Emil). And her stepbrother, Lionel, who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, needs her emotional support. But as she settles into her old life, Suzette finds herself falling for someone new...the same girl her brother is in love with. When Lionel's disorder spirals out of control, Suzette is forced to confront her past mistakes and find a way to help her brother before he hurts himself--or worse."

The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019) "IMax: Chill. Sports. Video games. Gay and not a big deal, not to him, not to his mom, not to his buddies. And a secret: An encounter with an older kid that makes it hard to breathe, one that he doesn't want to think about, ever. Jordan: The opposite of chill. Poetry. His "wives" and the Chandler Mall. Never been kissed and searching for Mr. Right, who probably won't like him anyway. And a secret: A spiraling out of control mother, and the knowledge that he's the only one who can keep the family from falling apart. Throw in a rickety, 1980s-era food truck called Coq Au Vinny. Add in prickly pears, cloud eggs, and a murky idea of what's considered locally sourced and organic. Place it all in Mesa, Arizona, in June, where the temp regularly hits 114. And top it off with a touch of undeniable chemistry between utter opposites."

Odd One Out by Nic Stone (2018) "Courtney "Coop" Cooper Dumped. Again. And normally I wouldn't mind. But right now, my best friend and source of solace, Jupiter Sanchez, is ignoring me to text some girl. Rae Evelyn Chin I assumed "new girl" would be synonymous with "pariah," but Jupiter and Courtney make me feel like I'm right where I belong. I also want to kiss him. And her. Which is . . . perplexing. Jupiter Charity-Sanchez The only thing worse than losing the girl you love to a boy is losing her to your boy. That means losing him, too. I have to make a move. . . . One story. Three sides. No easy answers."

Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy (2017) "'Ramona was only five years old when Hurricane Katrina changed her life forever. Since then, it’s been Ramona and her family against the world. Standing over six feet tall with unmistakable blue hair, Ramona is sure of three things: she likes girls, she’s fiercely devoted to her family, and she knows she’s destined for something bigger than the trailer she calls home in Eulogy, Mississippi. But juggling multiple jobs, her flaky mom, and her well-meaning but ineffectual dad forces her to be the adult of the family. Now, with her sister, Hattie, pregnant, responsibility weighs more heavily than ever."

Rethinking Normal by Katie Rain Hill (2014) "Have you ever worried that you'd never be able to live up to your parents' expectations? Have you ever imagined that life would be better if you were just invisible? Have you ever thought you would do anything--anything--to make the teasing stop? Katie Hill had and it nearly tore her apart. Katie never felt comfortable in her own skin. She realized very young that a serious mistake had been made; she was a girl who had been born in the body of a boy. Suffocating under her peers' bullying and the mounting pressure to be "normal," Katie tried to take her life at the age of eight years old. After several other failed attempts, she finally understood that "Katie"--the girl trapped within her--was determined to live."

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera (2017) "On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day."

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan (2013) "New York Times bestselling author David Levithan tells the based-on-true-events story of Harry and Craig, two 17-year-olds who are about to take part in a 32-hour marathon of kissing to set a new Guinness World Record—all of which is narrated by a Greek Chorus of the generation of gay men lost to AIDS. While the two increasingly dehydrated and sleep-deprived boys are locking lips, they become a focal point in the lives of other teen boys dealing with languishing long-term relationships, coming out, navigating gender identity, and falling deeper into the digital rabbit hole of gay hookup sites—all while the kissing former couple tries to figure out their own feelings for each other."

We are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson (2016) "Henry Denton has spent years being periodically abducted by aliens. Then the aliens give him an ultimatum: The world will end in 144 days, and all Henry has to do to stop it is push a big red button. Only he isn’t sure he wants to. After all, life hasn’t been great for Henry. His mom is a struggling waitress held together by a thin layer of cigarette smoke. His brother is a jobless dropout who just knocked someone up. His grandmother is slowly losing herself to Alzheimer’s. And Henry is still dealing with the grief of his boyfriend’s suicide last year. Wiping the slate clean sounds like a pretty good choice to him. But Henry is a scientist first, and facing the question thoroughly and logically, he begins to look for pros and cons: in the bully who is his perpetual one-night stand, in the best friend who betrayed him, in the brilliant and mysterious boy who walked into the wrong class. Weighing the pain and the joy that surrounds him, Henry is left with the ultimate choice: push the button and save the planet and everyone on it…or let the world—and his pain—be destroyed forever."

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson (2020) "Liz Lighty has always believed she's too black, too poor, too awkward to shine in her small, rich, prom-obsessed midwestern town. But it's okay -- Liz has a plan that will get her out of Campbell, Indiana, forever: attend the uber-elite Pennington College, play in their world-famous orchestra, and become a doctor. But when the financial aid she was counting on unexpectedly falls through, Liz's plans come crashing down . . . until she's reminded of her school's scholarship for prom king and queen. There's nothing Liz wants to do less than endure a gauntlet of social media trolls, catty competitors, and humiliating public events, but despite her devastating fear of the spotlight she's willing to do whatever it takes to get to Pennington. The only thing that makes it halfway bearable is the new girl in school, Mack. She's smart, funny, and just as much of an outsider as Liz. But Mack is also in the running for queen. Will falling for the competition keep Liz from her dreams . . . or make them come true?"

#lgbtq+ literature #lgbtq+ books for adolescents #lgbtq+#book list #lgbtq+ book list #novels/memoirs #ya books #lgbtq

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mistahawkward · 4 years

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introverted personality .

Hello, it's been a while since ive encountered a thought, let alone a thought to put on Tumblr. So where do I begin?

Well all I can say is that throughout the years... I used to be extremely extroverted. Until .... I wasn't....

so over college ive been introduced to a lot of new experiences. Working. College parties. Hookups. relationships. harassment. cueing of companies. Betrayal. Being broken hearted. freedom. drugs. alcohol. blah blah blah. But the more ive done it the more I realized I put on a face that recollects data and analyzes what to do to feel welcomed. “if I lose weight ill be welcomed and attractive.” “If. I act confident and loud people will listen to me.” “ if I do this, and so will like me more.” the more I realized it instead of me manipulating the situation, they were manipulating my mind and body to feel like something I thought I was supposed to be. It wasn't me.

I learned from a specific person that I can't let people walk over me. And that is when I realized who were my true friends. I realized my worst flaws through people. Ive gained social triggers and ptsd. Why? because being extroverted ended with a lot of consequences. I ended relationships because they weren't good for me. Ive learned how to put myself first because of people ive dated at the wrong time. Ive been cheated on and got stronger from that. Ive learned how to respect myself.Ive learned how to love myself and to love being by myself.

ive learned that gaining weight is natural and that it shouldn't be an insecurity when it comes to being a bit bigger than models on ig. Ive learned that its okay to say no in situations that introduce pressure to you. Its okay to go at a pace were you want to do something like college. its okay to not be okay and to get help if you need it. its okay to lose a best friend who is toxic for you. 2020 I learned a lot from quarantine. People hate for no reason and that's okay.

All of this while being more into myself. More introverted. more at peace.

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jennycalendar · 4 years

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OKAY. issue 14! bet you’ve all really missed these posts, huh?

so as i mentioned earlier today: when i first saw that bitty preview, my heart went “it would be so funny/ridiculous/wonderful/tragic if jenny was staring into the camera contemplating how fucking much she really wished she hadn’t just hooked up with her kinda emotionally unavailable boyfriend,” and i reluctantly discarded that possibility as relatively unlikely (which i REALLY REALLY REALLY need to learn to NOT DO at this point given that boom studios has spent an entire year just going out of its way to exceed my expectations!!! ridiculous!!!) and moved on with my life.

And Then.

(a brief reprieve from my meta to SCREAM about giles and jenny and their HOOKUP. a THING THAT HAPPENED. she is IN HIS BED. the only canon i respect is reboot canon that’s IT.)

this conversation’s been a long time coming. jenny planted the seeds for it in issue 6:

and was subsequently (and gently) shut down by giles in a way that -- at the time, and without seeing his decision in the museum when the chips were down -- did seem like genuine growth and understanding on his part.

when we circle back to giles’s watcher-related hang-ups, it’s framed this time as something that has the potential to hurt jenny -- something that he will always place above her, in a way that initially made me assume that canon was building towards jenny demanding a relationship where she’s prioritized unequivocally first.

but jenny’s real concerns get brought up again in issue 14.

giles brings up the concept of “healing together,” framing the entire thing as just a communication snafu that they can work together to resolve -- and emphasizing that his priority here is rebuilding his relationship with jenny. his decision to let joyce die at the museum is described by him as “an unfair test that you had to endure,” and he very clearly sees the entire thing as water under the bridge now that they’re both safe, alive, and in their right mind.

jenny is very clearly not in that place.

and now it is time for me to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, because THIS. THIS is the kind of jenny-and-giles content that i didn’t even know i wanted!!! they’re very clearly in love in a big, messy way that neither of them are trying to deny or work around; they’ve been an important part of each other’s lives for long enough that they feel comfortable calling each other out (whether it’s giles in issue 9 emphasizing that he’s “always been there” for jenny despite her tendency to shut him out, or it’s jenny in . uh. literally every single second she’s in a scene with giles, to be honest), and this is a genuine opportunity for growth on giles’s part that canon NEVER, EVER afforded him.

here’s where i stop waving my “jenny and giles have been married forever in boom reboot canon” flag for a little while, though, because i think that that actually detracts from the utter amazingness of jenny’s characterization here. when thinking of jenny’s determination to make knowledge accessible to all, coupled with the fact that any comments she made about buffy in canon reflected buffy’s age (i.e. buffy is a BABY), it’s pretty obvious that she would so not be okay with the deal buffy’s been handed. ESPECIALLY when juxtaposed with jenny’s own relationship to duty and destiny -- and the fact that she was herself forced into a situation she didn’t choose and cannot turn away from. obviously original canon never actually explored jenny’s motivations, personal philosophy, and internal thought process (because original canon kinda just threw random plot points at jenny so that giles would have a hot girlfriend, which is gross), but jordie is doing a PHENOMENAL job of that here. it doesn’t MATTER how long jenny and giles have been dating in this situation: jenny is not here for your watchers’ council patriarchal bullshit, and she is ESPECIALLY not here for the fact that buffy and kendra are on death row while giles gets to opt out.

and before we dissect what quickly becomes an INCREDIBLE AND EXTREMELY CHARGED CONVERSATION, here’s an important thing that @ifeveristoday brought to my attention: the fact that jenny’s calling him “giles” and not rupert.

way back in og canon, names were a HUGELY important part of both giles and jenny’s character arcs and their relationship to each other. they both had fragmented, fractured identities (jenny and janna, rupert and ripper, i’ve talked about this literally so often let’s move on), and the way they addressed each other very often said a lot about where they were. jenny almost always called giles rupert in canon, very clearly as an attempt to bridge the gap between them; the only times she calls him giles or mr. giles are in “when she was bad” (when she’s clearly trying to keep herself balanced in the face of new and fluttery feelings) and in prophecy girl (yeah, that one’s just inconsistent writing. that’s how jenny’s character flows.)

keeping that in mind, i always was a little bit thrown by the fact that jenny’s called giles by his surname so often in this canon -- but now that we’ve got a pretty solid arc going when it comes to their relationship, there’s a pretty established pattern in the writing.

outside of this issue, here are the places where jenny’s called him giles:

and in each of these other instances, you wanna guess what she’s doing? shutting him out. it’s a little gentler in issue 6 (and she’s more easily swayed), but in all of these situations, she is very clearly distancing herself from him. jenny’s got a habit of trying to pull back and away when the going gets tough, specifically because she knows giles well enough to know that she’s not gonna get through to him on watcher-related matters.

back to THIS.

FELLAS. OH MY FUCKING GOD. i don’t even know where to START here, so let’s go with the easiest one: issue nine set me the FUCK up!!!! jenny pulling away from giles, jenny expressing deep hurt and sadness when it becomes clear that he prioritizes buffy over all else...i automatically assumed that this is her realizing that her boyfriend would have let her die and being horrified about THAT. but the reality of this -- the reality revealed by this issue -- is SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER: the horror that we see on jenny’s face is because the man she loves has been warped by a corrupt system to the point where he doesn’t understand the kind of hurt he’s perpetuating.

and then !!!! jenny absolutely refusing to accept giles’s answer of “this is so much harder for me than you can ever understand,” because he is a grown man with the ability to opt out and she is advocating for two teenage girls who do not have that same luxury. he keeps on trying to turn the argument into something about how buffy’s life isn’t THAT bad, about how buffy’s not REALLY on her deathbed, about how buffy is strong and incredible and jenny is doing her a disservice -- but jenny repeatedly shuts that shit down. “it’s like a religion for you,” she says, like that’s not the rawest fucking line she’s ever gotten to say. thank you, jordie bellaire, for my goddamn life.

and then jenny LEAVES. and she does not fall back into giles’s arms when he says that togetherness is such an important component of healing after the hellmouth. and that says a whole damn lot about what both of them want: jenny wants giles to take accountability for the shitty things HE did and continues to do, and giles...loves jenny and wants her in his life to the point where he’s not listening to a single thing she’s trying to say.

let’s bring back my favorite panel from issue 9:

this sums up my point pretty well, i think. giles keeps on thinking that jenny doesn’t hear what he’s saying -- that if he says it a different way, stresses a different point, she’ll cave and understand how much he loves her and wants to be with her. but the thing is, he’s the one who isn’t listening: jenny is repeatedly saying that she loves him, and that that’s why she’s holding him to the standard that she does. she knows that he can be better than he is, and she’s disappointed in the man he’s becoming.

at this point, i’m pretty sure there’s more to come with regards to giles and jenny. this is a narrative that has very clearly tossed the concept of “world’s best watcherly dad” in favor of “the watchers’ council fucks up the lives of teenage girls and giles is complicit in that.” jenny leaving giles has the potential to push him towards positive growth and character development -- or he could continue to firmly and stubbornly ignore the reality of his situation.

personally, i’m DEEPLY hoping that it’s the former -- and that we get to see giles and jenny come together again after they’ve had the opportunity to grow outside of their relationship. i think there could be something really powerful and wonderful about seeing giles deconstruct his shitty watcher-related views & work towards becoming someone who can genuinely help buffy and kendra (AND smooch his ms. calendar silly, bc she’s sure been having a time of it as of late.) and can you imagine how great 2020 would be with a giles and jenny who have actually learned how to effectively communicate???? ASTOUNDING.

tl;dr: rupert giles and jenny calendar are VERY much in love with each other, VERY sick of each other’s bullshit, and VERY stupid. let’s hope they get their house in order.

#meta #btvs comics #calendiles #funerary relics #WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS ISSUE HOW DID IT GIVE ME FOOD THIS GOOD #i had to write a literal essay to process all of my goddamn feelings #giles and jenny are literally a CORNERSTONE of this reboot! oh my GOD

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blueeyesspitfire · 3 years

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Being Brave

The new year is off to a pretty wild start. Democrats took Georgia senate seats and win majority. Riots at the capitol. COVID is raging despite vaccines (slowly, inefficiently) rolling out. Every day brings about some new and often scary revelation.

Every race I had planned for the 2020-2021 season has been canceled. I'm relieved the decision has been made for us—I was already on the fence about attending anything. All of the mid-distance length races I had been aiming for required travel and overnight stays. While I'm sure I could manage, it would be easier to have someone there to help wrangle the team and stay with the retirees. I don't have anyone in my household and I didn't like the idea of asking a friend or family member to risk exposure for a race, which meant going solo. Not an impossible task, but not necessarily a welcome one, either.

I'm also relieved because race cancelations remove the pressure to train for more mileage. Truthfully, Blitz's seizure greatly derailed my confidence, which impacted our season goals. Like I said in my last post, he’s fine, but I'm slow to recover from the experience. Making sure he eats enough before we run adds complexity to when we're able to run, too. I’ve put a smaller goal in place, mainly to beat our overall season mileage from last year, which should be attainable without stress.

We haven't had major snow since the day after Christmas, and trail conditions are a mixed bag right now. Some spots have perfectly packed base with powder on top. Other spots are down to grass, ice, or rock. I can go further on my home trail system via sled, but there's less control. I tend to have time to run after work, but that means after dark, and I want to be able to see what dicey shit I'm running on. (Headlamps only do so much) And what happens if I get hurt? Hospitals aren't exactly looking good right now.

Pre-seizure, pre-pandemic, none of these things would scare me. I've never been reckless, but I certainly felt a lot braver before.

So, I'm a bundle of nerves these days. Instead of worrying about increasing individual run distance, I've been focusing more on hookup manners and command training. Sagan is learning to lead with Willow. Laika is learning how to untangle herself in point. Hopper is learning not to bounce out of control while I hook up the others. I plan to rotate the dogs to different positions in an effort to make them more flexible. All of these things I can do from my home trail, in the brief hours of daylight in between work meetings and agonizing over the state of the country.

Mushing has always been something I saw as an escape. I went into this season with ambition. The world was shut down, and although the races were always up in the air, mushing itself could not be canceled. I expected to be thriving out on the trail. Instead, I've learned that mushing is most enjoyable when balanced with all the other stuff I thought was keeping me from it. Friends, family, relationships, travel. This isn't even a pandemic discovery, really, but a Living Alone in the Woods discovery. It’s only now been amplified.

Funny how it all works out. Anyway, we’re expecting snow this weekend. We need it.

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itsclownhours · 3 years

Conversation

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

morgause: customer (derogatory)

arthur: business major (derogatory)

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

morgana: i have no self of steam

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

gwaine: turn down for whom?

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

#puff does things #long post

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divineluce · 4 years

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Trying Not To Pillow Talk|| Nadia & Luce

Location: The Vural Residence

Tagging: @humanmoodring

Timing: May 17th, 2020

Details: Nadia and Luce are just v soft (even if Luce ain’t about it).

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Luce slid back up to the head of the bed to lie next to Nadia, a self-satisfied grin plastered on her face. She lay on her stomach, watching the other woman intently. “How you feeling there, hm?” She asked, no small amount of teasing in her voice as she propped herself up on one of the pillows. She really appreciated that Nadia was the type to be aware of volume control-- Luce had lost count of how many of her hookups had nearly been sabotaged because of Bea pounding her fist against their shared wall-- but, it also meant there was less vocal feedback in the moment. That said, she was pretty confident in her abilities. Running a hand through her mussed up hair, Luce scooted away slightly from Nadia, giving her space in bed. She knew she ran warm and hardly any of the people she’d hooked up with in the past were into her space-heater like temperatures. Which worked, honestly, it saved her from dealing with people who wanted to cuddle.

Taking a moment to get her breathing back to where she wanted it, Nadia turned her head a bit to look at Luce. Eyes halfway closed, cheeks flushed, Nadia felt just about as relaxed and good as she’d felt in, well, in a very long time. She raised an eyebrow, though, and allowed a cheeky grin to spread over her face. “Probably about as good as you do,” she said, more than just a little confident in herself, especially now that she was aware she was actually feeling other people’s emotions. Was it cheating? Maybe a little bit, but it’s not really cheating if it’s for the other person’s benefit, she believed. It’d served her well back in college, before the blackouts had gotten too bad, and it’d served her well now. Thinking back on college, on the kind of person she’d been then, she couldn’t help but feel just a melancholy, even in the afterglow. All of her last few hookups had been because she just wanted to feel something, anything but the everpresent hole that she’d felt when she’d lost her friend. And now, she couldn’t help but feel like this was just a bit similar. Except she knew Luce, had been around her enough to find her genuinely attractive. And she didn’t feel like this was anything serious for the other woman, either. Still. She felt a bit like a wound had opened, really, one she didn’t like to think about. But it was there. Like a few tears prickly at the corners of her eyes, traitors. She raised up on her good elbow a bit, tried to blink them away. Turned to Luce, gave her a bit of a smile. “How do you feel?”

Pleased with herself at Nadia's words, Luce looked like a cat that had gotten the cream. In a very literal way, she supposed, the stupid joke making her grin even more. She was damn good in bed and she knew it-- but, it was always nice to hear it expressed. Rubbing the back of her neck, still thinking about the way the other woman and pushed her in just the right ways, Luce nodded. “I can’t disagree with you there.” She said, her response deliberately underplaying how very much into this whole situation she was. Eyes trained on Nadia, she took in the other woman’s soft skin, the curve of jaw, the line of her neck. Gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. She’d figured that Nadia would be just as beautiful in bed as she was normally, but up close? Whole nother ball game. As she stared at her, Luce’s grin faltered a bit at the way that she saw her eyelashes flutter. Uh, was something wrong? “Me? Oh, I’m great. Fantastic, one could say.” She said with an off hand gesture. Eyebrows arching slightly, she weighed her options. On the one hand, she could keep her mouth shut and just chill and enjoy the post-sex haze that settled between them. On the other hand, she could be nosey. Fuck. “You sure you’re good?” Luce asked.

Though the other woman tried to play it a bit coy with her response, Nadia still allowed her smile to widen a bit, grow more genuine. It was easy to play it cool with your words; emotions were a bit harder to hide. Not that she minded, particularly. It was nice to enjoy and be affected by someone else’s emotions for once. It was rarely enjoyable, out in public. But here, with Luce, in her bed, it was pleasant. Something nice to latch onto. She wondered, briefly, how long she could get away with staying and just… being. Usually, she got out as quickly as possible after hookups, as soon as she could stumble out the door, really, be that immediately after or the next morning. But… they knew each other, and neither of them were drunk. This wasn’t particularly random; in fact, they’d planned it. There was nothing random about this at all. Nadia didn’t actually know what that meant and, for the first time that night, was feeling a bit unsure. She was happy that Luce was happy, but everything else. She let out a slight laugh. Fuck, she needed to learn to get ahold of her own emotions. “I’m, well, I mean, it’s been awhile since I’ve done this. Just a bit… introspective I guess.” God, that sounded incredibly unsexy.

Gaze still focused on the woman in her bed, Luce shifted slightly under the rumpled sheets that covered them. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable or anything-- she’d asked the question, she’d opened up whatever can of worms was coming. But, for all her bravado and her posturing, there was a small seed of doubt in the back of her mind. Yeah, she was good in bed, yeah she’d gotten what she’d wanted out of this. But, she didn’t like using people without them getting something back in return. Maybe that was the result of a magical up-bringing, her fixation on give and take, and equivalent exchange. Either way, when Nadia mentioned that it’d been a while, she felt more than a little bit guilty. Pushing those thoughts aside, she nodded, an easy grin still on her face. “Well, you could have fooled me.” She teased, pausing for a moment. Ugh. She should just take the statement at face value, just let it slide. Maybe distract Nadia with the opportunity for a second round before politely telling her she could totally spend the night, with the heavy implication that she wanted anything but that. But… she wasn’t going to do that. “What’s going on in your head?”

Luce’s guilt and discomfort was a bit bitter in the back of Nadia’s mind. Nothing overpowering, but it was there. She didn’t like it, felt a bit bad for causing it. And, at the end of the day, she had caused it, even if she’d caused much more pleasant things earlier. She should’ve just waited and escaped when the time got right. Not said anything, kept better control over her emotions. After all, she was an empath, whatever the hell that meant. It should’ve meant that she had a handle on her own emotional turmoil, since she had to deal with everyone else’s. But that didn’t seem to be the case. Fine. Sure. She’d live with it. She let herself enjoy Luce’s teasing, however briefly. “Thank you. I mean, some things you don’t forget, you know? No matter how long it’s been.” Nadia gave the other woman a grin, almost a smirk. It disappeared, though, slowly, before Nadia furrowed her brow, just a bit. She opened her mouth, closed it, and evaluated things. This was an incredibly inopportune time to be asking that question, mostly because it felt harder for her to lie about the answer in the moment. “Heavy question,” she murmured. Could they just stay like this? She wondered. Luce was warm; it’d be easy for her to just doze off, just briefly, even with all the thoughts swirling around in her head. She bit the inside of her cheek. “A lot. Mostly good things, about you and this, of course.” She gave another small smile. “But other things, too.”

“Mhm, you know, maybe there’s some truth to me being called the town bicycle.” Luce joked. “You might take a break, but you never forget how to ride.” She said with a lazy wink. But, the easy joking tone slipped away, replaced by a pause and indecision. As she watched Nadia collect her thoughts, Luce began to idly trace shapes on the sheets with her fingertips. Circles turned into eyes, then a long stroke against the sheet became the side of a face, and Luce realized she was tracing an image of Nadia into the space between them. Smoothing the wrinkles in the fabric away with her palm, she tilted her head. “Well, I’m glad that I’m in the good things category. But… seems like you’ve got a lot on your mind. You can talk about it, you know. I’m a good listener.” She had to be, what with her job. And besides, she found herself wanting to know what was going on in that head. Nadia was a bit of a mystery to her, one that she was interested in unravelling, in all senses of the word.

Despite herself, Nadia let out a laugh. Unable to really hold herself up much longer on one elbow, she laid back on the bed and looked at Luce. She was serious about this, about wanting to listen to what Nadia had to say. It wasn’t a new, crazy thing, not like it was when she first came to White Crest and genuinely wanted to listen to her, know her. It still surprised her, though, every time. She picked at the bandage on her arm, knowing she’d be picking at the stitches if it wasn’t covered up. She needed something to preoccupy her, for just a moment, while she gathered her thoughts. “You were definitely in the good category,” she said. Nadia ran a hand over her face. She bit her lip. “I’m not sure what to talk about, or where to begin, or even what you’d want to hear before it becomes oversharing.” She smiled wryly. “I’ve been trying to learn not to do that.” Especially since she’d outed herself as possessed to Alain over the internet.

“Trust me, I know a thing or two about oversharing. People say stuff they’d never tell anyone on my chair all the time. As long as you don’t tell me about the time you and some college buddies went on a massive bender and then you woke up a week later with a picture of Puff the Magic Dragon tattooed on your ass, we’re good. Which,” Luce glanced pointedly at Nadia’s hip, covered by the sheets, “I think I can already confirm that you don’t have that particular story.” She said with a grin that slowly shifted to a more serious expression. As much as she would like to continue to lighten the mood with stupid stories from the shop, she did want to know what all was going on in there. “But, seriously. Hit me with your best shot.” She nodded, “And, hey. If I think you’re crossing a line, I’ll tell you. I’m not about listening to shit that I shouldn’t hear.”

“Puff the Magic Dragon, huh?” Nadia shook her head, though she was laughing. She sighed, though, figuring she should just… start talking. “Like I said, it’s been awhile. College, really, is the last time I remember.” She wouldn’t really know, though, where her body had been and what it’d been doing when she wasn’t in control. “I wasn’t in that great of a place, then. I told you, a bit, I think, about my friend that moved out.” Everything was coming out so haltingly, the words both carefully thought out and stuck in the back of her throat. She didn’t know how to talk about this, about Brooke and her leaving and how all of it made her feel. “I was… devastated, perhaps, is a good word. Incredibly upset. I’m terrible with emotions, my own, at least. I didn’t-- I was sad and tired of being sad, so I was trying to not be like that. And I ended up… I’m afraid I was using other people to not feel that way. And then things got worse, and, well, here we are.” She gave a shaky smile. Her eyes widened, just a bit. “Not that I’m-- I mean to say, I’m not, you know, using you for anything. I mean, we planned this, it was incredibly thought out, I wouldn’t-- I think of you as a friend, you know? This, I mean, this was just an added benefit.”

“You better believe it.” Luce said, making a face at the memory of the nasty ass-- literally-- tattoo that she’d had to work on. As much as she loved her job, there were some things she never wanted to do again. Ass tattoo cover ups? Big ol’ fucking nope. Listening to Nadia intently, she could hear the sadness in her words. As if what she was actually wasn’t already sad enough, she could hear the waver in her voice, the pauses that lingered as she tried to figure out how to put her feelings to words. Shifting closer to Nadia, Luce took the woman’s hand and began to trace shapes with her fingertip on her palm. She didn’t like talking about emotional shit-- about herself or about other people’s baggage. Physical stuff was easier, more straight forward. And some people liked the physical comfort. Maybe Nadia did too, who knows. It was worth a shot. “It sucks. To be in a situation like that.” She said finally, though she really had no basis for the statement. She’d never felt abandoned like that-- she was always the one who’d left. “But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your head above water, right?” With a grin, Luce met Nadia’s eyes, “Trust me. I know you’re not using me. Friends with benefits is exactly what I’m looking for.”

It was easy for Nadia to relax under Luce’s touch. Melt, really; the other woman was so warm, like sunshine and summer months, laying out in the backyard with a book. It’d probably get too warm, eventually, but Nadia’d never been good at gauging that kind of thing. She always went too close the the warmth, the heat, like a moth drawn into a bug zapper. That didn’t stop her, though, from getting a bit closer to Luce, as close as she dared. She was always cold. Always. It felt nice to be warm. “It wasn’t-- I mean I didn’t-- Never really figured out how to deal with it, I guess. Then or now.” She laughed a little, wetly. She damned her tears. “I don’t know if I was keeping my head above water or helping hold it under. I don’t know. I was fucking drowning for years. Just a fucking mess of it. Don’t even remember it.” It was as close to the truth as Nadia attempted to get right now, know if she pushed herself too far, all of it would come spilling out in a horrible, ugly way, and she could tell that this wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world to Luce. As it was, this was fine. It was safe. It was good. She let herself trace the tattoos on Luce’s hand, marveling at the beautiful patterns and attentions to detail. It was incredible that the other woman had designed them herself. “Good. I can-- This is good.”

Feeling the way the woman drew closer to her, Luce resisted the urge to stiffen slightly. She hated cuddling, hated the intimacy of feeling another’s heart beating against her own, of hearing their slow and steady breaths coming in. Sex? There was nothing intimate about mindless sex, it was all about sensation and pleasure. Shit like this is what made her shy away from anyone who ever wanted to get to know her. But, here she was, letting it happen. As Nadia continued to speak, Luce glanced up from the mindless shapes she’d drawn on her hand and was startled to see the tears in her eyes. Oh fuck. “Mmm.” Luce hummed noncommittally, to disguise both her discomfort and the unsettling concern that was growing in the pit of her stomach. “Sometimes it’s better not to remember shit. Gives you the ability to move forward with things, live your life without being tethered to the past.” She said, holding her hands still to allow Nadia to trace the dark lines of her tattoos. She wished that she could forget some of the things she’d heard growing up. Nothing big, nothing dramatic, nothing like that. She’d just forget some of the family shit… some of the baggage. Luce raised an eyebrow at Nadia’s less than certain response. “You sure? You don’t need to say yes. I’m cool with this being a one time thing.”

It was so strange, to Nadia, to feel the things that people were hiding. It was sweet that Luce was attempting to hide her feelings, even if it didn’t always work. At least Nadia could pick out what it was about. When people used to try and mask things, hide feelings from her, she’d always been confused and embittered. Why couldn’t everyone just wear their emotions on their sleeves so that everyone was in on the secrets with her? Everyone but her, of course. She couldn’t… It was so hard to be open, when everything was always so open for her. How do you keep all the grief around you from affecting you? You bottle up your own. How do you keep your parents sadness and disappointment from overwhelming you? You lash out at it with anger. You keep everything close to your chest, so close. You’re not even playing cards anymore, are you, Nadia? Was it still a poker face if she kept it up when the game’s over? Covering it all up with sarcasm and humor, that made it okay, right? And as for the things that can’t be remembered… “Maybe it is for the best,” she murmured. She didn’t want to know what her ghost had been doing, anyway. “And I’m sure. I mean, if you’re sure. I don’t want to come off as, I mean, I’m not clingy.” Her jaw twitched a bit at the word. She hated being called clingy. She wasn’t. She hadn’t been when her boyfriend had broken up with her at the start of sophomore year of college, claiming that to be the reason why. She hadn’t been when Brooke left just a note and she’d spent days trying to call or text or anything. She wasn’t clingy. Clingy was the last thing she’d ever hoped to be again.

In the silence, Luce could practically hear the gears turning in the other woman’s head. There was a whole lot going on behind Nadia’s light eyes and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it all. But, at the other woman’s quiet admission, Luce couldn’t help but wonder if she’d said something wrong. She wasn’t good at this kinda talking shit, she’d never been good at it. Dumb comments and dick jokes and mindless, easy flirting was what she excelled at. Stuff like that was easy, simple. She presented a side of herself that others could either take or leave, and it made sifting through the people who stayed easier. But this? This whole… comforting others with words, helping them through things? Not her thing. Never had been, never would be. As she watched Nadia’s face, she noticed the slight clench in the woman’s jaw at the word. Clingy. A slight chill ran down her spine-- how many times had she thrown that word around to other girls? She knew what it meant to call someone clingy and demanding. It was a shitty nail in the coffin move, that ended things in an instant. And it seemed like Nadia knew that too, just from the other end of the conversation. “Believe me, I’m sure. And I don’t think you’re clingy.” She said, running her finger tips up Nadia’s arm to reassure her.

Relaxing a bit more at Luce’s words and touch, Nadia let her eyes slip close. She smiled, just a bit. “Right, okay then. Good.” There was a bit of relief that came along with the words. And she could do this, she figured, keep herself in check, not become attached or anything like that. Usually, Nadia considered herself monogamous. As in, mono, singular, alone. Or, occasionally, a one time thing, no strings, no names, no phone calls. But this… she could do this. If it let her relax and got rid of some of her ever present stress, she could. And Luce was certainly a wonderful person to do it with. Before she could think too much, get lost in her head, Nadia rolled over so that she was on top of Luce. Her arm hurt a bit, but she wasn’t complaining. Even if she pulled a stitch or two, it was probably worth it. She gave a smirk. “Good?”

As Nadia shifted so that she was positioned over her, Luce’s smile returned, her eyes darkening with lust. Better. This was better. No talking, no feelings, no questions, and no need to answer. No trying to juggle someone else’s emotions and worry about how she might fuck it up. Or having to worry about them asking questions of their own, questions she didn’t want to answer. Looping her arms around Nadia, her fingers running up against the woman’s bare back, Luce nodded. “Oh, this is more than good.” She said before pulling her down to capture her lips in a heated kiss. This was easy, this was simple, and it had no strings attached. Just how she wanted it. And, hopefully, just how Nadia intended to keep things too. But, as the woman moved above her, the warmth of their bodies pressed against each other, all those thoughts were banished from her mind.

#p: nadia diaz #p: tntpt #wickedswriting

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finnthatcher89 · 4 years

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the first I love yous || flaurel

DISCORD THREAD FEATURING: Finn & @oflaurelthatcherisms

MENTIONS: -

WHEN: 2010

DESCRIPTION: Laurel and Finn tell each other they love each other for the first time.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: I don’t think any?

laurel

At the beginning of the year, when she first met him in Las Vegas and they accidentally got married, she truly didn't think that they were going to last the whole year. She half expected them to find out how incredibly incompatible they are, argue a lot, and just despise each other. Well... Six months later... Them moving to Denver to live together... Him working at the fire station and her leaving Emirates to work for Frontier at the airport... And things were a lot better than she expected. Over the past six months, she was beginning to realize that he was becoming her best friend. And that her heart does little gymnastics every time she sees him... And that she could look at his smile for days and weeks and months and years... And that every time he held her in his arms, she never wanted to be anywhere else. But god, what does this mean? Both having the same day off, Laurel woke up early and decided to make his favourite breakfast. Humming softly to some Turkish music, all she could think about was seeing the look on his face and she couldn't stop smiling. Then again, she has been smiling a lot more thanks to him. She likes it, though. A lot.

Finn

What was a supposed to be a fun, exciting weekend at a work friend's Bachelor party in Vegas turned into a weekend that would change the rest of his life. He was so young - 21 and just really starting his career. He had barely found himself when he found Laurel. Nearly every bone in his body had told him just to get a quick annulment, but Finn wasn't a quitter and Laurel...well there was something about her that he wanted to get to know. The next thing he knew he was living in Denver with a mere stranger, nearly all the way across the country from his hometown in Pennsylvania. He had always loved adventures, and this adventure was one of the craziest he'd ever taken. Finn was woken up by the light that peaked through the shades of their modest home. He rolled over, half expecting Laurel to be laying next to him but when he smelled the food cooking in the kitchen he knew what she was doing. He walked into the kitchen with only his boxers on and smiled when he saw his wife at the stove. He walked up to her and put his arms around her waist, kissing her shoulder and cheek quickly. "Morning." he said, with a smile. He loved the days off they had together. They were the days that they got to know each other the best. No pressure to be places or doing things. They just spent time together.

laurel

At twenty, Laurel has already done and seen so many crazy and exciting. Spending her childhood in Turkey before moving to America at ten years old, becoming a flight attendant right after high school and moving to a completely different country, going to many different countries due to work, one could say that her whole life has been an adventure. But meeting Finn... That has truly been the biggest adventure so far. Or at least, the one she has enjoyed the most. Sure, they were both technically kids still, in a sense. But by god, she wouldn't have traded this for anything. Feeling his arms wrapped around her, the girl smiled brightly and instantly melted against him. She just felt so safe and comfortable when she was in his arms, secured and at peace. The last person... Well, she could never be certain. But with Finn? There were never any doubts. Even something as simple as wearing one of his old shirts (like she was now and had began doing over the past month) filled her with happiness. "Morning," she mused, kissing his jaw. "Thought I'd surprise you with your favourite. Sleep well?"

Finn

Finn didn't anyone else he'd rather take a leap of faith with like this. He was glad he did though, because she had completely swept him off his feet. He felt like he was flying every time he was around her. He knew other people saw them as just young, idiot kids but Finn was determined to give their relationship a try. And fuck, he was so happy he did. Even in a city he wasn't familiar with, he felt at home with Laurel. She was safe and she always took great care of him. The man rested his chin on his wife's neck, strong arm still wrapped around her waist. He took a deep breathe in through his nostrils and looked down at the stove. "Bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel?" he beamed. Fuck, yes. "You already know me so well. Thank you." he said, giving her more tiny pecks on her cheek and neck. "I slept very well. You?" he said, finally removing his arms from around her waist to put some coffee on.

laurel

After Francisco, marriage never really felt like an option. Of course, it was a nice thought. But to love someone again after that... For three years, it never felt like a possibility. So to end up meeting Finn on New Years Eve in Las Vegas and to have a Vegas wedding with the then stranger when in two days, she was suppose to return home to Dubai just to end up leaving as soon as possible to work with another airline in a different city back in the US? It sounded crazy. But god, it felt so right. Despite the initial awkwardness at first, Finn has gone from being a stranger to her best friend. She was now able to call him her husband without an awkward pause at first, saying it so proudly and happily. To go from where they originally were at to now, six months later, bet at home with each other... It was incredible. Beautiful, even. His excitement brought a giggle to her lips. "Only the best for you. And you're welcome, balım." She twisted her body slightly to kiss his cheek, only beaming more at his own kisses. The moment he let go of her to work on the coffee, she instantly wished for his embrace again. "Pretty good. I think knowing that I have the next couple of days off helped," she joked slightly. "And having a cuddle buddy, obviously. Most definitely a bonus."

Finn

When Finn had woken up next to Laurel on New Years days around a decade ago, he thought she was a blacked out hookup. Something he wasn’t super accustomed to doing, but he did have a little bit of a naughty side that sometimes came out when he drank. Especially at 21. Newly of legal age to drink, out of town for a buddy’s bachelor party. Something wild was bound to happen; he just never expected that this would be the result. Something he also didn’t expect to happen was learning Turkish...or at least some Turkish phrases. He thought it important to learn at least a little bit of his wife’s native language. That’s what good partners did right? “You spoil me.” He cooed. He dumped coffee ground sloppily into the coffee maker and turned it on. “God, I love that feeling. Sleeping knowing you don’t have to get up at a certain time in the morning.” He sighed deeply. “It’s always a bonus falling asleep and waking up next to you.” He flirted, shamelessly. It was weird...getting to know each other but already being married. It felt like he was living in a cheesy Hallmark movie. He smiled, walking back over to her while their coffee was brewing to lean onto the counter next to the stove to watch her cook. Yeah, he could stare at her all day.

laurel

Now, if there was something Laurel was not a stranger to, it was having a lover for the night. Sometimes a stranger from a club or bar, sometimes a coworker, sometimes a friend she'd made in her new home; The girl certainly enjoyed having another's company. So waking up and realizing her New Years 'hookup' was now her husband... That'd been new. But now that they were here, she was glad and felt lucky that it happened. And the fact that Finn was so keen on learning some Turkish for her... That had been one of the things that caused her to fall for him. She remembered that she started to cry when she heard him make his attempts, feeling so happy and proud of him. "You deserve to be spoiled," she mused. "It truly is something else. I mean, I love my job entirely. But getting to have those sleeps... How can I not love them?" Her cheeks turned red. She grew more and more bashful lately with his flirting, absolutely enjoying them. "Right back at you, Mr. Thatcher," she flirted back, winking at her husband. Honestly, anyone could see that he was an incredibly handsome man. Tall, clear blue eyes, incredible body, a face chiseled by the gods; He was basically a living statue. But once you got to his personality and learned more about him, how that he was a kind soul who would do anything to help anyone and was practically a huge teddy bear. How his laughter could fill up any room and fill one up with warmth and serenity. How his hugs were just so comforting, never wanting to leave them. How his voice is just so incredible and she could listen to him speak about anything and everything for hours on end. Laurel was getting close to finishing their food, also making some hashbrowns to go along. She glanced up for a moment, stopping once realizing he was staring. "What?" Laurel asked, laughing softly with a warm smile and a quirk of her brow.June 26, 2020

Finn

Finn smiled, and bit down on his lip to keep himself from smiling too wide. Finn had been so used to being the one doing the spoiling, it was nice to have a change of pace for once. That's one of the many things he loved about Laurel. He loved the way she held herself, how her dark hair fell over her shoulders, the way she walked. She was breathtaking. He could've ended up next to anyone that New Year's morning, but he considered himself lucky that he woke up next to her - married to her. "I love working too, but it is nice to wake up whenever you want instead of to the annoying ringing of an alarm." he told her. He was a firefighter; a protector and hero. He loved helping people and saving lives. He didn't mind going into work, he actually looked forward to going into work when he was single. But now he missed Laurel every day he went into work, calling her when they each got a break and sending her texts on his down time. Finn watched the woman make their food for a few moments in silence. Holy...she was a sexy as fuck making him breakfast like that. Finn crossed his arms over chest and looked down at his feet, shuffling them a little when she called him out for staring. "Nothing..." he said, grinning like a fucking idiot. "You're just so god damned gorgeous." he admitted. "And I'm really fucking lucky to have someone like you to wake up to every day." he added. Wow. that was cornier than he expected, but it was exactly how he felt.

laurel

God, she loves spoiling him so much. Just giving him so much care and attention and love-... Love? Why did that make her heart flutter so much? Why did that give her both a sense of an entire zoo in her stomach but also a sense of clarity and peace? Why does that word feel so right? Lately, especially when concerning him, there was just something about that word that made her want to pause, to try and cool down her beating heart and the wide smile that dared to grow. "You can say that again. Buuuut I also can't help but feel bad for the station on your days off. They're missing their best firefighter." Yes, she absolutely was biased. No, she felt no shame. She was so proud of him and admired his care for other people- but she also couldn't help but to worry as well. Especially when it came to extremely big cases. That most certainly made parts of her job hard: not being home and knowing if he's okay or not while she's up in the air for a couple of hours heading from one place to another. Every time they were able to finally call or text each other just filled her up with a sense of relief, reminding her that he was okay and safe. And that soon, they were going to be back in each other's arms again. Watching him become awkward was just so adorable. How he shuffled his feet and grinned. Giggling at his words, she placed their food on their plates before turning off the stove. However, she couldn't help herself. She moved over to stand before him, loosely wrapping her arms around his neck as she smiled up at him. "And you are just so god damned handsome," she mused, kissing the tip of his nose. She knew that she had hearts in her eyes as she gazed upon him. But god, how could she not? She just loves him so much and- oh my god, I love him. The realization shocked her. How could she not realize it? The signs have been there for so long... Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Holy fuck, she... she... Oh. "I love you." The words were quiet. Yet she beamed. "I love you, Finn."

Finn

"Stop gassing me up, or else my ego will get too big." he chuckled, although the compliment made him a little giddy. Laurel really was his number one fan. That was what wives were supposed to do though right? Either way, he loved the encouragement he got from her. Knowing that someone was on his side no matter what he did, was comforting. He felt so fucking safe. He liked the idea of having a life long companion on Laurel. He'd always knew he wanted to get married but he never expected it to happen like this. Since they got married, he pictured them growing older together so many times. Having kids and being domestic as fuck together. Whenever Finn thought about the future, Laurel was right by his side the whole time. Finn had been in love once before after he graduated high school and started his life in the real world. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in a while. Well, up until recently at least; until he met Laurel. Finn was definitely a romantic. He loved taking Laurel out and doing little romantic gestures for her. He believed that even a bouquet of flowers could say a thousand different words. He recalled the time he surprised her with a homemade Turkish dinner when she got home from work one night a few months ago. Nothing too fancy, and Laurel probably could have made it better herself. But he wanted to do something special for her to show her that he cared about their relationship, even though it wasn't necessarily ordinary. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in tightly as she kissed his nose. Their eyes met with that three word phrase left her lips. He a huge smile slowly grew on his face. "I love you too." The words came really naturally to him because he had been feeling that way for a while now, he just wasn't ready to admit that to himself. But hearing Laurel say it out loud really smacked some sense into him. Why didn't see it before? He leaned down and gave her a gentle, yet passionate kiss.

laurel

"Never- I like inflating your ego," she laughed. She was always ready to cheer him on, to be by his side for anything and everything. She loved it so much, loved seeing how her compliments had their effect on him. How they're able to know exactly what to say to make the other feel better. It was amazing, really. It was something she never expected. But despite being mere strangers not too long ago, Finn truly knew her better than anyone else. Well, okay. There were some things she needed to talk to him about still. Some things involving herself and her past that she's not proud about, but she knows she wants to tell him about. To open up and let him in to see, to witness. To fully know everything about her. And that was in and of itself really fucking scary. She never wanted to share her secrets with anyone so much before. So wanting to share them with her husband... it was something else. The man has become her home. Her future. She has dreamed about the future so many times lately and always, without fail, she saw him there by her side. She saw them growing old, saw them becoming parents, becoming grandparents. Sharing a home together and loving each other unconditionally for forever. It was such a beautiful dream. And she was certain that he wanted that, too. He was trying so hard and was such a romantic, her heart was constantly bursting with happiness. That night he cooked that homemade Turkish dinner is truly one of her favourite memories of them. She'd been so happy and so surprised, she'd cried. He wanted to connect with her and her culture so much, it made her so happy. It made her feel... loved. God, is this what it means to be loved? If so, she's lucky that it's with Finn. Her smile only grew as he said those words back, eyes beginning to sprinkle with happy tears. Laughing joyfully, she held him close as they kissed. One hand sneak it's way into his hair and played with his locks, the girl deepening the kiss. "I love you so much, oh my god."

Finn

He shook his head. No one had ever made him feel as good looking, proud, happy, confident about himself like Laurel had. She knew all the right things to say to make him giddy. He honestly didn't think any other man could be as happy as he was right now. He had really struck gold and genuinely believed that Laurel was the greatest woman in the entire world. How had be gotten that lucky. "Okay then. I'll take it." he said, giving in. Because yeah, why wouldn't he let someone as amazing as Laurel compliment the hell out of him. Laurel was so easy to open up to; he had told her everything about how he best friend had died a few years prior and how hard that was for him to deal with. Laurel was always there for him whenever he felt down about it; always knowing the right thing to say. So this was what finding your person felt like. This was he read in all the books and watched in all the movies. The perfect home, the picket fence, the perfect woman by his side maybe even a child someday. He thought about growing old together with her nearly everyday, but right now he wanted to focus in on this moment. The way her warm body felt pressed up against him, how he could feel her soft, dark hair on his skin. Her scent was so alluring and so distinct; he knew he'd be able to sense her presence by her smell. "I love you, too. I love you, too." he repeated, between kisses. He brought one hand up to slide his fingers through her thick hair. Damn, he loved her hair. He couldn't name one thing about her that he didn't love. Life couldn't get any better.

laurel

"Good," she mused with a smirk and a giggle. She truly did love to raise him up. To compliment him for as long as possible. He was honestly the greatest man she has ever met, so kind and loving. It all felt so natural with him, no pretend. She could truly envision a happy life with Finn and with it being filled with so much love and happiness. Sure, people look at them and see them still as kids. That they have no idea what the future holds. And sure, they got a point. But no matter what, Laurel truly wanted to brave anything and everything the future sends them. To hold each others's hand and stand by each others's side. No matter how rough the future got, she had a feeling that they would fight whatever necessary to be together and stay together. She loves him. She loves him more than she feared the uncertainty of tomorrow. And by the gods, was she so happy right now. She melted into his touch, one hand moving to cup his face while the other softly tugged and played with his locks. Just everything about him, from his scent to his touches to feeling him beneath her fingers, how he held her, how his kissed her, was just so intoxicating in the greatest way possible. Laurel truly could not get enough of him repeating that, those words filling her up with so much joy. She pulled apart, latching her lips onto his jaw to kiss him softly before trailing down his neck. She'd forgotten completely about breakfast, too wrapped up in her husband. This was happiness, huh? This was love, most certainly. And to be graced with this, with him... She truly was the luckiest woman in the world.

Finn

So many people had told Finn to leave Laurel; his parents thought he was absolutely crazy for moving all the way across the country to move in with a mere stranger. They told him that he was too young. That he would never make it. Yet, here he was half a year later so in love with a woman he didn't know existed less than a year ago. But Finn was loyal; he had made a commitment and he didn't want to go back on his word. Whether it was a drunken word or not; it was his word. They had already gone through so many obstacles as a couple; he figured they'd be able to get through anything life threw at them. Before he met Laurel...his life had been pretty boring. She just added so much excitement to his life. He learned so much from her, made him laugh, made him feel ways he had never felt before. He didn't think anything could bring him down when he was with her. He tilted his head back slightly as she kissed his neck, completely forgetting about their breakfast getting cold on the plates and focusing solely on their moment together; as a couple in love.

laurel

Her parents were use to her bold choices. How she had spent her senior year living in Cape Town in South Africa for study abroad, just to then live in Dubai as soon as she possibly could after graduation. They hadn't been prepared for her to suddenly be married at 20 and moving back to the States to live with a perfect stranger. That had even been their first time trying to put their foot down to dissuade her from going through with this. But... It didn't stop her. And she has been on the best adventure of her life so far with Finn Thatcher. She has fallen in love after someone had made her believe that love could potentially be awful and horrible. Finn's love was soft and warm. Yes, there's been complications and doubts. But over all, there has been a sense of boldness of being married to a stranger and learning to get to know them and befriend them and fall in love. "We should probably eat breakfast..." Yet Laurel made no move to pull away. She only pulled him closer, body rolling softly against his as she kissed his lips. Forget the damned breakfast; She was focused on the man she loves.

Finn

Before he met Laurel, Finn's life had been pretty boring. He never thought he would leave the small town he grew up in; he was established there. A good job, friends, family, comfort. Sure, he loved adventures but he also loved going home, sitting on his back porch facing the woods with the hills in the background. He loved hearing the wolves howl at night and letting the birds wake him up in the morning. He'd play paintball with his friends after work, go hunting, visit his parents often. He liked this life. Then he met Laurel. And wow, she made him love his life. He picked up everything and left that town without a second glance. He never regretted it for a minute. He wasn't a city person, but he'd more jus about anywhere if that meant he got to be with Laurel. He missed small town life, but he loved life with Laurel even more. "Sure." he said, half-heartedly as he left his wife pull him in closer to her. He pushed his hips into her's as he deepened their kiss. There was no way they were eating that breakfast while it was still hot.

laurel

She spent the first ten years of her life living in Turkey, but even then, her family would make trips all over Europe, the Middle East, North Africa, and West Asia. When they moved to Wyoming at first, they'd move near Yellowstone and would make frequent weekend trips to their neighboring states. Laurel was so use to adventures and being on the move, of not really staying in one place for long. But with Finn, she has come to realize that she loves coming home and staying there with him. She still loves her job, of course, but she also loves getting to be with her husband more. The brunette moaned softly, her hips rolling against his. "Bed?" It came out in a soft whisper, focused more on getting to kiss him. Of getting to be with him. They can always eat up the food afterwards.

Finn

His friends from high school had gone off to college in places like Pittsburgh, New York, DC. He stayed in town after high school, and started a job at the fire station; something he always wanted to do. He was 21, and at 21 he thought he had his whole life figured out. Don't all 21 year olds? Then, there was Laurel. She wasn't in his plan. She taught him that plans changed; not all good. This change happened to be one of the good ones. Probably one of the best ones. He raised his brow at the suggestion of going to the bedroom. That was just what he wanted to hear. He placed a few more kisses on his lips. "Mhmmm..." he said, lowly as he slipped his hand in hers and lead them through their tiny home into their bedroom. He brought her back into him and kissed her passionately. He definitely loved these moments with her. This one was even better considering they had just told each other that they loved each other for the first time.

#discord #laurel

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lalahbug · 4 years

Text

Dual Fate - France x F!Reader

Fandom: Hetalia Word Count: 2,164

My Masterlist

Warnings/disclaim: general Angst if you choose the sad ending

Author’s Note: Originally posted on DeviantArt, under the same username, on 11/05/2013, different endings were posted on 11/06/2016. Word count includes main story and both endings. Revamped/edited in 2020.

To make it not as much as a hassle with posting, both endings are just here. You can read both or just one. Pick your poison.

___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 3rd person

Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting.

Story under cut

He spotted her running from the taxi as the rain poured down making him smile. ___ entered her favorite café, his café. Francis took a deep breath and tied back his hair the way she likes it. Today was the day Francis was going to tell ___ he loves her. He had to get to know her better, even if it meant rejection. He had her usual breakfast ready.

Every time he tried to ask ___ out, she'd get an excuse and leave. He asked around to figure out why. The reason being that she’s never had a boyfriend and knows Francis is a player and doesn't wait to get played. For the past 6 months, Francis stopped seeing all his normal hookups, stopped going to clubs, and mainly focused on her. All in hopes to get a chance just to date her.

He watched her unhappy face turn into a smile from the smell of the café. The smell of bread, eggs, chocolate, coffee, and fresh pastries.

"Morning Francis,” she smiled at him, as she put her stuff down at her normal table. His butterflies started to whirl. Her soft plump lips curved to show her dimples and her eyes slightly crinkled from the true smile. He stood there like an idiot with a dreamy smile. "Hello, Francis?" She giggled and poked his cheek.

He shook his head. "Morning, ma chère." He mentally slapped himself, she makes him act so out of character it even threw him.

"Can I get my usual?"

"Of course, anything else?"

"You were out of blueberry crumble yesterday. Got any today?"

"I made a fresh sheet this morning just for you, they also have a surprise in the middle."

"I love it when you cook something different."

"Do you want one?"

"Oh, Francis you know me better than that don't you?"

He laughed. "Two blueberry crumble cake pieces coming right up. Ohonon~!" She giggled then started organizing her backpack and her messenger bag.

He sighed, she was lovely, her damp hair was clinging to her face. He ran off the kitchen to get her usual. He peered through the kitchen door, balancing her plates on his arm. Waiting for her to go to the restroom like she does every morning. She grabbed her backpack and walked to the bathroom. As soon as she was in the restroom, Francis went to her table quickly. He laid down her hash brown where he formed two eggs as eyes and bacon for the hair and sausage for the mouth. He placed the hot chocolate and pieces of blueberry crumble down. Then he put a letter under her book. The letter had his confession and an explanation of everything on his mind for these past 6 months.

Thankfully the café was slow, meaning he could join her for breakfast. ___ came here every other morning. Every Friday she stayed longer, until about lunchtime, because she didn't work on weekends at all. On Saturdays and Sundays, she went to the gym, then came to his café, if she finished her book, then she’d go to the library then come back to the café to read and relax before heading home. Needless to say, Francis knew her schedule inside and out. He also loved weekends because of how much he got to see her and talk to her if it wasn't busy of course. Today, though, it was raining, business was usually slow during the rain.

The flirting between both of them had been going steady for a good 4 months and he wasn't going to chicken out anymore. He sat down across from the place he had set up for her.

"Oh, Francis!" She beamed from ear to ear. "This is so cute! I might just not eat it until my friend shows up to show him!"

Francis' smile quickly faded, guy-friend, coming here? He quickly put on a fake smile. "I am okay if you want to show off my skills but it'd be a shame for it to get cold." He was trying so hard not to twitch, had he waited too long?

"My friend will be here at any moment. I will definitely show it off!" She giggled with happiness.

"You've never brought a friend in before. Special occasion?" Francis was trying to keep his cool.

She blushed slightly. "Not really. Just hanging out with him. Oh, there he is!"'

’Why was she blushing? Can I even look at this "friend" of hers?’ Francis’ thoughts were raging with many emotions at once.

"Matt," she waved, "over here." The Canadian boy turned with a shy and unsure look.

Francis' whole world stopped. His little brother. What was Matt doing with his ___ today? How did they even meet? Francis’ heart was racing and almost contracting with pain.

"Matt, this is Francis, my favorite cook in the whole world!" She gusted to him; his eyes stayed on the floor.

"Oh, hey bro," Matt whispered.

"Brother?" ___ looked between them quickly. "You two are related?"

"Francis, he raised me. I was going to tell you I knew him but I couldn't figure out how too." Matt was still looking down. ___'s face flushed.

"Hello, brother," Francis whispered with a broken look on his face...

Sad

Matt’s eyes scanned Francis’, with an apologetic face.

“So, you’re ___’s friend. What are you guys doing today?” Francis forced a smile, which Matt could sense, almost making him flinch.

“Well, Matt asked me out on a date. So I’m not sure what we’re doing today.” ___ smiled at Matt as she said so.

“So, you asked her out?” Francis dropped his fake facade.

“Yeah,” Matt whispered before sitting next to her.

“Well, then I’ll let you two enjoy breakfast.” Francis stood up. “I’ll get you maple syrup and pancakes, okay Matt?”

“Thank you,” he whispered before giving his brother another apologetic look.

After numbly making the pancakes and giving them to Matthew. Francis rested his hands onto the counter, trying not to cry. He loves ___, he loves Matt. Of course, Matt likes her, she’s so cute and shy, just like him. Matt only learned of Francis’ love interest yesterday, walking in as he was writing the letter to her. There’s no way Matt could have known; there’s no way Francis could have known. They never talked to each other about crushes and love interest.

Francis froze. “I have to get that letter before she reads it.” He said to himself, before getting them fresh refreshments. He rushed and got the drinks to them, unfortunately, another customer came in and he had to take and make that order.

By the time he was done, they were gone. With money on top of the letter, for their meal. There was more there than necessary. He pocketed the money; he could feel his tears welling up.

“I’m so sorry.” He noticed the handwriting; it was Matt’s and the letter was unopened. She didn’t even open it, Matt just responded for her. He flipped it over, to see her cursive handwriting.

‘Matt told me not to read this, but while he’s in the bathroom, I wanted to apologize for not reading this. I’ll see you next Friday~!<3’

Francis went into the kitchen with the letter, ready to throw it away with his feeling.

Tears spilled over as he ran a finger over the last sentence she wrote.

He threw the letter in the trash and cried.

Kneeling, he pulled the letter back out. Sobbing, he smoothed it out. Then there was a jingle, showing that someone was in the cafe. He quickly wiped his eyes and came out. There she was, grabbing a bag she forgot. She smiled at him before walking over.

“Were you cutting onions?” She reached up to where the wetness was on his cheek.

“Yeah.” He lied; he loves it when she touches his cheek with so much care.

“Oh, that’s good. I would hate to see you cry. Oh, is that the letter you wanted to give me?” Francis glanced at the letter in his hand.

“You can give it to me, I’ll read it when I get home. It can be our little secret from Mattie.” She giggled; it only tore his heart more.

He ripped it.

“It was just a thank you, for always brightening my day by smiling when you come in.”

She looked a little confused then smiled at him. “You’re so welcome, you are my favorite cook. So I’m glad I can do something in return. I’ll have to buy you goggles for cutting onions,” she giggled before turning and heading for the door. “Bye~!” With that, she ran out of the door.

Francis went back to his kitchen, crying again, realizing he had torn where she wrote. So he threw it away, this time with his hope.

Happy

An awkward silence engulfed the three.

“This is really cute,” Matt spoke up looking at the breakfast Francis had set up for ___.

“Yeah, I waited so I could show you.” She smiled at Matt then looked at Francis. “It’s super cute, thank you for putting the effort in for me.”

Francis' heart melts at the sight of her smile. “Anything for you.” Matt sat rather close to ___ since Francis was sitting in the car across from her. Which only made Francis more uncomfortable.

“Sorry, I never told either of you, that I know both of you,” Matt mumbled.

A clear blush came onto her face. “So, you knew he was before I even asked you to come today?” She almost hissed at him; a voice Francis had never heard from her.

“Yeah, I didn’t know how to tell you. But I approve. I’ve got to go, though. I’ll see you later.” Matt quickly hugged her then shuffled out of the cafe. Leaving a flustered and confused ___ to stare at Francis. Francis smirked at her, understanding why she wanted Matt there.

“So, you wanted your friend's approval of me. Why is that?” He leaned a bit forward rested an elbow on the table and hand against his rest.

“What makes you think I wanted his approval?” Her cheeks were nearly burning.

“Well, he said he approves. If not me, then what?”

“Your food?” He chuckled as she was questioning herself.

“He didn’t eat any. Also, you’re blushing,” she basically slapped her cheeks from trying to hide the blush. “Covering it doesn’t make go away. Ohonon.” Francis kept staring at her, he was so incredibly happy. He wasn’t late. She liked him. She was being nervous in front of him. He reached across the table and took her hand from her face. Entwining his fingers with hers, before kissing the back of her hand.

“We should eat before it gets cold.” She whispered.

He let go of her hand and nodded in agreement.

Francis managed to get her talking again, while they ate. Unfortunately for him, another customer came in, thankfully he was done eating. He excused himself from her and to assist the other person there.

___ finished her hot chocolate and the crumble cake. Once she was done, she politely stacked her plates so it was easier for Francis. When he brought out the other customer's order, he winked and smirked at her. Making her blush again. He glanced at her while taking the dishes from the table. She sighed once he left to go wash the dishes.

Deciding to read, ___ picked up her book, but paused, noticing an envelope. She was very confused and decided to take it, starting to open it. She smiled fondly, once she realized it was from Francis, his neat handwriting always made her smile. Even if it was just on the receipt because the cafe was too busy for him to actually talk to her. It was short and to the point.

Summarizing it; it explained to her, how much he loves her. From trying to make sure to have time with her, to stopping all of his playing around. All he wanted was a date and if it was good, for her to be his girlfriend. She blushed at his neatly wrote words. Tracing the letters at the bottom, the words that were making her heart race. ‘Anything for you, love, Francis.’

Putting down the letter, she noticed Francis coming out from the back. Holding a new hot chocolate for ___. He smiled at her once he sat down. He raised an eyebrow once he saw the letter.

“Didn’t expect you to read it here. Well, let me ask in person then.” He sipped his coffee before grabbing her hand again. “Will you go out on a date with me?”

She looked at him. “Ask something else.” He was confused for a moment before smiling and getting up. Placing a kiss on her forehead.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

She squeezed his hand slightly, looking at him with red cheeks and a smiling face.

“Anything for you, love.”

#fanfic #fanficiton #hetalia #hetalia fanfic #france x reader #france/reader #lalahbug #lalah writes #reader insert #xreader #self insert

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sketchguk · 4 years

Text

Tag Game

tagged by: @kitsutaes and @gimmeyoon, my loves

:: nickname(s): T, bbt (like bubble tea), chorizo, Mother Teresa

:: bias: Yoonkook 🥰

:: blood type: No clue! I even asked my doctor, and she said she doesn’t know either LOL

:: favorite food: Scallion pancakes, Taiwanese popcorn chicken, spicy tuna kimbap, please don’t make me choose !! It seems like I really like bite sized foods huh

:: birthday: Nov. 8th

:: zodiac: Scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini rising

:: pronouns: She/her

:: hair length: A little below my shoulders. I usually grow my hair out until it’s up to my waist so that every 2 years I can cut it and donate it!!

:: height: 4′10, clown me, I dare you

:: a crush: The closest person I’ve had to having a crush in the last 3 years is Mr. Kim Namjoon...

:: what do you like about yourself: Oh we’re going there, are we?? My biggest strength, but also my biggest weakness, is my compassion

:: left or right handed: Right

:: list of 3 favorite colors: Anything on the pastel spectrum, specifically pink, blue, and purple (a win for bisexuals)

:: (right now) eating: Nothing!

:: (right now) drinking: Hong Kong black milk tea, my favorite drink ever

:: i’m about to: Continue working on a fic, 7k words deep, and hopefully I don’t totally hate it !! Pls look forward to it ahh

:: listening to: Keshi - Bandaids (stan talent)

:: kids: I always thought about having a boy and a girl, but looking @ my brother and I ... I want two girls now lol

:: get married: Hopefully, haha, so if you’re secretly in love with me, please ‘fess up!!

:: recent phone call: My friend who I hung out with yesterday! He wanted to let me know that he had already arrived

:: (have u ever) dated someone twice: This would imply that I need to date someone once to begin with

:: been cheated on: This would also imply that I need a partner klfjxclk

:: kissed someone and regretted it: No lol, probably super embarrassing but I haven’t had my first kiss yet

:: lost someone special: Definitely

:: been depressed: For as long as I can remember

:: been drunk and thrown up: Nope, I plan on remaining sober

:: had glasses or contacts: I’ve been wearing glasses since I was in 3rd grade. I am ridiculously blind

:: had sex on the first date: Bold of you to assume that I’m a not a virgin (you’d be very wrong)

:: broken someone’s heart: Only my own

:: turned someone down: Oh yeah, and it sucks, but then I remember I don’t owe anyone anything

:: cried when someone died: Every time

:: fallen for a friend: Yeah, hasn’t everyone?

:: (in the last year have you) made a new friend: I think so!! Even reconvened with old friends

:: laughed until u cried: Oh for sure, there’s no other way to do it

:: met someone who changed u: I can’t think of anyone particularly, but in a way, everyone I’ve met has changed me in some way or another, even if it’s subtle

:: found out who your true friends were: Yeah and to reiterate what B said, that shit HURTED

:: found out someone was talking about you: Yes, and whatever anyone says about “nice guys” is so wrong because they only act that way, thinking you owe it to them to give them an ounce of attention or to even hook up with them...

:: lips or eyes: Eyes!! It’s the first thing I notice about someone

:: hugs or kisses: I’m highkey a tsundere irl, so if you give me a hug and I resist, just know that I secretly love it, and I don’t want you to stop

:: romantic or spontaneous: I’m a hopeless romantic ahh

:: hookup or relationship: LITCHRALEE never done either, but for me, relationships are the only way to go. Gimme all the feels!!

:: first best friend: She’s still my best friend!! I met her in pre-school, so this is our 17th year of friendship! She slept over at my house this weekend hehe

:: surgery: Never

:: sports i joined: I’m a commitment-phobe, so I’ve never been on a team. But I played badminton and ran track for fun

:: do u believe in yourself: What’s with all the deep questions ?!! The answer is no !! But I’m slowly learning to !!

:: miracles: I want to believe in them, but I just know that I’m not destined for it. For all I know, miracles are made up of coincidences and lots of luck!!

:: love at first sight: A false concept created by all forms of media!! Something as shallow as looks is not enough for someone to fall in love. Love is so complex, and it’s a accumulation of so many factors.

:: heaven: It’s an interesting concept to believe in, but I can’t tell ya, sis! My answer says maybe

:: do u have any pets: Two bunnies!!

:: do u want to change your name: I did when I was younger, but I think I’m content with it now

:: what did u do for your last birthday: I spent the whole day out with my friends because my parents decided to leave me alone last minute for vacation, oops. I went to the city for ramen, wandered around in the FREEZING COLD, had Japanese souffle pancakes, and went back to my neighborhood for pho!! Don’t ask me how much weight I gained that day because I wouldn’t want to know either!!

:: what time did u wake up today: 9:45am

:: what were u doing last night at midnight: omg I was going through one of my... episodes™️... so I was crying but it’s all good now haha 🙂

:: something i can’t wait for: finally getting my graduate degree!! Hopefully in the next 2 years

:: last time u saw your mum: about an hour ago when she gave me my tea lol

:: what is one thing u wish u could change about your life: I want to find happiness from within, and not just conditional happiness that’s dependent on people, things, events, accomplishments, etc. 2020 is gonna be my year, just you wait !!

I’d like to tag @ddaengwrld @engeljimin @geniuslab @hoseoknysus @joonary @mercurygguk @mygsii @tokyoscript @ve1vetyoongi @wthkook @yourdelights (if you wanna do it! feel free to ignore, I just thought this would be fun)

#tag games #also!! pls lmk if you prefer not to be tagged!! i'll refrain from tagging you next time #i don't do this often i swear i'm just bored #mutuals

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cutsliceddiced · 4 years

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New top story from Time: How COVID-19 Will Shape the Class of 2020 For the Rest of Their Lives

They call it commencement because it’s supposed to be a new beginning.

College graduation is one of life’s last clean transitions, a final passage from adolescence to adulthood that is predictable in ways other transitions rarely are. Relationships end with breakups or death, jobs often end with quitting or firing, but college is one of the only things in life that ends with a fresh start. Except when it doesn’t.

One morning in March, Clavey Robertson took a study break and climbed onto the roof of his dorm at the University of California, Berkeley. He had spent the past year working on his senior thesis on the erosion of the social-safety net since the Great Depression, and he needed to clear his head. In the distance, Robertson could see a tiny white speck: the Diamond Princess cruise ship, carrying crew members infected with COVID-19, lingering in the San Francisco Bay.

Photograph by Hannah Beier for TIME

Hannah Beier, a photography major in the Drexel University Class of 2020, has been virtually photographing her classmates in quarantine. She directed this series of portraits over FaceTime.

Two months later, Robertson’s transition to adulthood is in limbo. He skipped his online commencement and he’s living in his childhood bedroom, which had been converted to a guest room. His parents have lost their travel agency work, and his own job prospects have dried up. “No longer am I just a student writing about the Great Depression,” he says. “Now there’s a depression.”

College graduation is often marked by an adjustment period, as students leave the comforts of campus to find their way in the raw wilderness of the job market. But this year’s graduates are staggering into a world that is in some ways unrecognizable. More than 90,000 Americans have died; tens of millions are out of work; entire industries have crumbled. The virus and the economic shock waves it unleashed have hammered Americans of all ages. But graduating in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic will have enduring implications on the Class of 2020: for their memories, their earning power, and their view of what it means to have a functional society. For these young adults, the pandemic represents not just a national crisis but also a defining moment.

Hannah BeierJoshua McCaw, Drexel University Class of 2020, in his childhood bedroom in Brooklyn

Even before COVID-19, the Class of 2020 came of age at a time of fear and uncertainty. Born largely in 1997 and 1998—among the oldest of Gen Z—the Class of 2020 were in day care and pre-kindergarten on 9/11. Their childhoods have been punctuated by school -shootings and catastrophic climate change. Their freshman year at college began with President Donald Trump’s election; their senior year ended with a paralyzing global health crisis. “We stepped into the world as it was starting to fall apart,” says Simone Williams, who graduated from Florida A&M University in an online commencement May 9. “It’s caused my generation to have a vastly different perspective than the people just a few years ahead of us or behind us.”

Researchers have found that the major events voters experience in early adulthood—-roughly between the ages of 14 and 24—tend to define their political attitudes for the rest of their lives. And the Class of 2020’s generation was -already disaffected. Only 8% of -Americans -between 18 and 29 believe the government is working as it should be, and fewer than 1 in 5 consider themselves “very patriotic,” according to the 2020 Harvard Kennedy School Institute of Politics survey of young Americans. They are at once widely skeptical of U.S. institutions and insistent on more government solutions; they’re disappointed in the current system, but hold out hope for a better one.

Hannah BeierBrooke Yarsinsky, Drexel University Class of 2020, celebrating her birthday in her family’s kitchen in Marlton, N.J.

For the Class of 2020, COVID-19’s lasting impact may be determined by what happens next. If the rising cohort of young workers are left to fend for themselves, mass youth unemployment could lead to permanent disillusionment or widespread despair. A forceful, effective response that invests in the rising generation of American talent could restore their faith in the system.

It’s not clear to the Class of 2020 how the pandemic will play out. They just know it will change their lives. “Everything” is at stake, says Yale history major Adrian Rivera. “It’s this pivotal moment where we’ll never forget what’s done,” he says. “Or what isn’t done.”

School is often a refuge from the gusts of history. But the events that rupture the classroom routine, from President Kennedy’s assassination to 9/11, tend to be the ones that stick with students forever.

The coronavirus disrupted more class time, for more students, than almost any other event in U.S. history. It started with a scramble: The University of Washington announced on March 6 that it was cancelling in-person classes for its 57,000 students. Then Stanford University followed suit. Over the next few days, campuses from Harvard to the University of Michigan announced they’d be transitioning to online learning. Soon, hundreds of other colleges and universities followed.

Hannah BeierBen Scofield, Drexel University Class of 2020, on his bed in his new apartment in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn

By Friday, March 13, an eerie silence fell on campuses across the nation. “Something about that day was really weird, because every time my friends and I would say ‘See you later’ or ‘Catch you after break,’ I just had this sinking feeling that I wasn’t going to see them,” says Vincent Valeriano, a member of Iowa State University’s Class of 2020. “Saying goodbye felt like it carried a lot more weight than it used to.” He ended up watching his online -graduation -ceremony at home, in his pajamas.

For underclassmen, the shortened semester was an irritating disruption. For seniors, it was a total upheaval. “There’s no way for there to be closure,” says Sam Nelson, who recently graduated with a journalism degree from the University of Missouri. “I know in real life, closure doesn’t exist, but this is one of the last moments for young people to say goodbye to young adulthood and move into the next phase of their lives.”

The Class of 2020 hugged their closest friends and mourned their lost semester, but scattered back home without so much as a goodbye to many people they’d lived with for years. Acquaintances who laughed in hallways or shared inside jokes in seminars simply disappeared. Fraternities and sororities canceled their formals and philanthropy events, attempting Zoom happy hours that didn’t come close to the real thing. For some couples, casual hookups quickly escalated into long-distance relationships. Others quietly packed up their feelings for college crushes and left without saying a word.

Hannah Beier for TIMESarah Pruitt, Drexel University Class of 2020, at home with her mom in Colchester, Conn.

The loss of a milestone like an in–person commencement had a special sting for some families. Arianny Pujols, the first natural-born U.S. citizen in her family and the first to graduate from college, still did her hair and makeup as if she were walking across the stage at Missouri State University. She and her family held a small ceremony in her grandfather’s backyard, and then she stood on the sidewalk in her cap and gown waving at cars with a sign that said “Honk, I did it!” Brenda Sanchez, 22, whose parents are immigrants from Mexico, says they will miss both her graduation from Humboldt State University in California and her sister’s college graduation the next day. “My parents didn’t go to school. They didn’t graduate,” says Sanchez, who is herself an immigrant and is protected from deportation by President Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals policy. “Your heart breaks a little. You did work hard, you did earn this degree, but you’re not going to see yourself walk across that stage.”

Instead of graduating into their future lives, many Class of 2020 seniors feel like they’ve gone backward. “We were ready to be in the world as young adults—not good adults, maybe clumsy adults, but some kind of adult,” says Ilana Goldberg, who recently graduated from Tufts University in an online ceremony. “We’re not in the system anymore, but we’re not far enough out of it to have our footing in the world.”

Hannah BeierLauren, Parsons School of Design Class of 2017, and Dylan, Marist College Class of 2017, quarantining in Lauren’s family home in Woodstock, VT

Eric Kolarik, who was supposed to be sitting at his University of Michigan commencement ceremony in early May, is instead back home in Traverse City, Mich., raking leaves, helping his mom with the dishes, doing the same chores he did in high school. “I’m 22 but I’ve assumed the life of 15-year-old Eric again,” he says. “You feel like a failure to launch.”

If only they knew that a stolen senior spring is the least of their problems. The Class of 2020 is falling through a massive hole in the U.S. social-safety net, into a financial downturn that could define their lives for decades to come. Graduating seniors have lost on–campus jobs that got them through school. Many haven’t been working for long enough to qualify for full unemployment. If they’ve been listed as dependents on their parents’ taxes, they don’t get a stimulus check. They haven’t had time to build up significant savings.

Hannah Beier for TIMEDestiny, Drexel University Class of 2019, at home in Palmyra, PA

“I’m not sure they’ve fully processed what 25% unemployment, disproportionately affecting younger Americans, will actually mean,” says John Della Volpe, director of polling at Harvard’s Institute of Politics. He recalls that during the last recession, the Class of 2009 scrambled to scoop up opportunities, “like a game of- -musical chairs.” The Class of 2020, by contrast, is essentially frozen in place by a pandemic that has trapped much of the nation inside their homes. “There almost are no opportunities in any sector,” Della Volpe says. “It’s like suspended animation.”

More than 1 in 5 employers surveyed by the National Association of Colleges and Employers in April said they were rescinding their summer internship offers. The overall number of postings on the online jobs platform ZipRecruiter have fallen by nearly half since mid-February, while new postings for entry-level positions have plummeted more than 75%, according to ZipRecruiter labor economist Julia Pollak. A year ago, less experienced job seekers were enjoying brisk wage growth and rosy job prospects. Now, Pollak says, “it’s particularly hard for new graduates.

Sanchez, who worked two jobs and started her own eyelash-extension business to help pay for school, has applied for more than 70 jobs in recent weeks without success. Williams, who dreams of working in the entertainment industry, had no luck with at least 15 jobs and struck out with fellowships that are no longer taking applicants; now she’s cobbling together gig work. Robertson had planned to try to get a job in labor activism; these days, he’s considering graduate school instead.

Hannah BeierJillian Yagoda with her boyfriend Benjamin Halperin, both in the University of Maryland Class of 2020, in the apartment they share in College Park, Md.

It’s not just dream jobs that have disappeared. Historically, many young people take positions in the retail or restaurant industries as they find their path. According to Pew, of the roughly 19 million 16-to-24-year-olds in the labor force, more than 9 million were employed in the service sector. Suddenly, a significant chunk of those jobs have evaporated. In April alone, the leisure and hospitality industry lost 47% of its total workforce, with 7.7 million workers newly unemployed, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Which means the economic crisis has hit the youngest harder than any other age group. More than half of Americans under 30 say someone in their household has lost a job or taken a pay cut because of the corona-virus crisis, according to Pew, and the youngest workers are more likely than older generations to say that the pandemic has hurt their finances more than other people.

Graduating into a bad economy can affect everything from future earnings to long-term health and happiness. Researchers have found that beginning a career in the teeth of a recession can depress earnings for 10 years, and trigger broader impacts for decades. One study from UCLA and Northwestern found that the young people who came of age -during the early 1980s recession had higher mortality, and were more likely to get divorced, and less likely to have children. Till von Wachter, a UCLA labor economist who has spent years studying this issue, has a name for these young people who enter the labor force at the worst possible moment: “unlucky graduates.”

Hannah BeierSisters Camilla Nappa, Drexel University Class of 2020, and Sophia Nappa, NYU Class of 2022, isolating at their father’s home in St. Louis

Rather than brave a job market battered by COVID-19, some in the Class of 2020 are seeking refuge in graduate school. But that presents its own conundrum. As of 2019, nearly 7 in 10 college students graduated with student loans, with an average tab of nearly $30,000. Going to graduate school can mean –taking on even more debt. “I’m having to take out grad loans, but I can’t work to pay them off,” says Sean Lange, who plans to enroll in a master’s program in public policy after graduating from New York’s Stony Brook University in an online ceremony in May. He’s not even sure he’ll get his money’s worth for the $18,000 annual tuition. Especially if his classes end up being taught online.

All of this—the forgone memories, the abrupt goodbyes, the lost opportunities—will stay with the Class of 2020 forever. “The coronavirus pandemic is the biggest cultural event since World War II,” says Jean Twenge, a psychologist and author of iGen, who studies millennials and Gen Z. “It’s going to have a huge impact on -everyone, but young adults in particular.”

Hannah BeierMagda, Drexel University Class of 2022, with her family in Lynbrook, NY

Even before COVID-19, much of Gen Z was disappointed in the government response to the issues facing their generation. These are the students who joined the March for Our Lives gun-safety movement amid near weekly school shootings, and went on strike over inaction on climate change. They were too young to be swept up in Barack Obama’s 2008 campaign, but old enough to gravitate toward Bernie Sanders’ message of progressive revolution in the 2016 primary. Those who were old enough to vote overwhelmingly opposed President Trump in that year’s general election. They favor student debt reform and universal health care. They are the most -racially diverse generation in U.S. history.

Their skepticism of public institutions is largely fueled by a sense that the government is doing too little, not too much. A study last year by Pew Research Center found that 7 in 10 wanted the government to “do more to solve problems.” The divide is generational, not political: more than half of Gen Z Republicans say they want the government to do more. (Less than a third of older Republicans agree.)

Near mandatory use of social media has already contributed to sky-high levels of depression and anxiety among Gen Z, according to Twenge. She analyzed data from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health and found that the number of young adults reporting symptoms of major depression had increased 63% between 2009 and 2017, with a marked turning point around 2012, when smartphone use first became widespread. The pandemic has likely only made them more anxious and disillusioned. Pew found that Americans between 18 and 29 are more likely than older ones to feel depressed during the pandemic, and less hopeful about the future than the senior citizens who are far more vulnerable to the disease caused by the virus.

Hannah Beier for TIMEKathryn Murashige, Drexel University Class of 2020, in the sunroom of her childhood home in Kennett Square, Pa.

Which helps explain why young activists view this as a now-or-never moment for their cohort. They know that the pandemic will shape their futures, even if it’s not yet clear exactly how. “Either we will end up with a generation that is far more resilient than earlier generations,” says Varshini Prakash, a leader of the Gen Z–powered Sunrise Movement, “or it could be a generation that is far more nihilistic, and far less likely to engage in our politics because they’ve seen the institutions fail them at the times they really needed it.” The youngest cohort of Americans “could be traumatized for life,” says Robert Reich, a former U.S. Labor Secretary who is now a professor of public policy at University of California, Berkeley. “They could turn economically and socially inward. They could lose faith in all institutions, and they are trending in that direction anyway.”

In other countries, like Egypt, Tunisia and Spain, widespread unemployment among educated young people has led to social unrest or radicalization, mostly because of a sense of betrayal. They think, “we thought there was some kind of bargain, a social contract, that if we play by the rules we get a job at the end of all of this,” says Heath Prince, a research scientist at University of Texas at Austin. So far youth unemployment in the U.S. is mostly correlated with drug addiction and right-wing extremism, Prince says, and hasn’t tipped into the realm of mass uprisings. Then again, -unemployment hasn’t been this high in nearly 80 years.

“My generation isn’t feeling like they’re being spoken to or listened to, and at the same time, a lot of us are becoming economically disenfranchised,” says Robertson, the University of California, Berkeley, graduate who studied the New Deal. “I definitely think a lot of us have lost confidence in the government.”

The only way to address an unemployment rate reminiscent of the 1930s, according to some scholars, students and activists, is a federal government response that echoes the scale of 1930s reforms. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s New Deal included major initiatives to get young Americans back to work. Six days after he took office in 1933, Roosevelt proposed the Civilian Conservation Corps: within four months, the federal government had hired 300,000 young men to plant trees and maintain parks and trails. Three million young people were ultimately employed as part of the program. In 1935, Roosevelt created the National Youth Administration (NYA) as part of the Works Progress Administration, designed to give young Americans work-study and job training. (A young Lyndon B. Johnson got an early political break as an administrator of the NYA program in Texas.) The Americans employed by these New Deal programs grew into the selfless, patriotic army that fought World War II, now known as the “Greatest Generation.”

Some Democrats say the COVID-19 pandemic calls for a similar approach. Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts has called for a “Coronavirus Containment Corps,” to expand the public-health workforce and employ an army of contact-tracers to help fight the spread of the virus. (Warren, an admirer of the New Deal, noted the CCC acronym is no coincidence.) Senator Chris Coons (D., Del.) joined with Senator Bill Cassidy (R., La.) to champion a national service bill that would expand Americorps and fund 750,000 jobs to help train new health care workers to fight COVID-19. And proponents of a Green New Deal, like Prakash and Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, are working to shape the environmental policy of presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden.

Given Republicans’ skepticism of big government programs, none of these ideas are likely to make it through Mitch McConnell’s Senate or onto President Trump’s desk. But the political landscape has already shifted the universe of the possible, with Republicans agreeing to recovery measures—such as sending $1,200 stimulus checks to eligible working Americans—that would have been unthinkable only months ago. And if Democrats reclaim the Senate and the White House, broader reform could be closer than it looks. Young people who are skeptical of government’s ability to solve big problems say their faith can be restored. “I have no faith in this Administration and this government,” explains Lange, the Stony Brook public-policy student. “But I believe in Big Government.”

Eric Kolarik spent his last semester at the University of Michigan working on a paper about the 1918 flu pandemic. Now, with classes canceled and his job search on ice, his copy of The Great Influenza is on his childhood bookshelf, alongside his old high school copies of The Crucible and Of Mice and Men. “There will be a sort of unity that the Class of 2020 has with each other, and it’s not fond memories,” he says. “People will say, ‘You’re the Class of 2020,’ and everyone will know what that meant.”

The pandemic has marked the end of one phase for this unlucky cohort. The recovery could mark the beginning of another.

Cover photograph in collaboration with Melissa Nesta

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste

#Time #top stories #IFTTT #news

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