#With a straight face

[heydrangeas]

I am trying soooo hard not to be annoyed with american leftists. like we get it, you are ideologically perfect and won’t compromise with anyone or take any action or donate your time or money to any material cause—but at least you post the Exact Right Things and hate everyone!! Phew!

[respectthepetty]

I would have laid hands on Mew in that bed too, but not in a sexual way.

[kriaton]

That's the most fem!cucumber post that I've seen.

[dogbunni]

something about saiki just tells me that he would enjoy some sad harmonica

[koawoaboa]

artistic autistic aziraphale.

[dutifullylazybread]

MY MOM WANTS TO READ MY FANFIC WHAT DO I DO???

IF I FAKE MY DEATH WILL IT LOOK TOO COINCIDENTAL?

[zvhw]

how i look like while writing smut:

[kikaichuno]

Would you cum in someone’s face?

Is it important for you that your partner comes too?

Would it turn you on if your cum dripping out of your partners hole, while you walking around in public?

Shino furrows his brows at the series of lewd questions. He'll attempt to answer them as respectfully as possible despite feeling a little awkward.

"For your first question; I will gladly do it if my partner demands me to. However, if I don't find it appealing after trying it, I won't do it again." Shino can't really predict how he'd feel about it.

"For your second question; It is very important! Sexual intercourse should be enjoyed by both parties like anything else, it's the foundation of a healthy relationship." He would also feel extremely dirty to do something with someone who's not as into it as he is.

"As for your last question; Absolutely not, why? Because I would hate this situation on myself, it would be uncomfortable. Therefore I do not wish it on my partner."

[idoweirdcrap]

im really happy rn

so im gonna soak it up b4 it goes away

[readersmood]

You know, theres really something absurd about reading a very delicious smut in public infront of your family friends and keeping a straight face that borders on psychopathic.

[heatwa-ves]

unironically might write an essay on that tho just for fun.

[rain-and-a-nice-nap]

This is pretty unedited and not proofread (also haven’t done any creative writing since my early teens/Wattpad days). I wrote it in like an hour and it’s pretty late. Because of this, I am very much open to constructive criticism. I hope to feel inspired enough to write more for this universe lmao.

Nevertheless, here is a childhood au of Claude and the reader. If I do write more, they would be taking place at the time of the game.

Pretty sure I made it gender neutral without mentioning much about physical features, but if I slipped up, please let me know.

--------------------

You huffed as you lugged the pail of water up the stairs. Your limbs were young and toned, so you would undoubtedly be fine after today, even if you were sore. Anything you could do to help your parents and the older staff was worth it in your mind. Almyra was hot, and they work hard out of pride for the country.

Frustrated with the heat of the day blending with the heat of your body from doing chores around the palace, you were ready to finally be done for the day. It was still pretty early, maybe just before noon, so each climb up a step brought a new idea for what to do with your free time.

Maybe your parents would let you walk on the trails through the nearby woods this time! You’d been there plenty of times through the years, and knew the paths pretty well. Also, being part of the staff at the palace grants you combat classes and educational lessons nearly free of all costs. Surely you were ready enough now.

You could finally see the window at the top of the stairway and knew that you were finally almost there.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you made the final step, set down the pail and bent into a half crouch for a moment. You deserved it, after all! The faucet on this side of the palace is being fixed after an incident one of the royal kids had on a wyvern, so you had to come from the opposite side! You could see them working on the faucet through the window and barked a laugh.

How could you be frustrated on such a beautiful day?

“Plus,” you thought to yourself as you reached for the doorknob, “I’m finally d-!” You didn’t even get to finish your thought when a bucket of wet chicken feed covered your hair, skin, and clothes. Your mouth opened in shock and you gasped in surprise.

Your eyes were shut tight to prevent anything from getting in, but you could hear shuffling in the room. Then there came bouts of laughter. There goes your good mood.

You rub your eyes and mouth free of seed and glare at the perpetrator. He was about your age and seemed to have just started to grow out hair for his braid. The dude was roaring with laughter now, bent in half and supporting himself on a nearby wall.

Your furrowed brow only deepened at his hearty laughter. A light catches your eye, and you think it may be coming from a bead in his hair. You were sure there was some detail or other on it, but right now you did not care.

“I’m sorry, really! I didn’t mean to!” He says between giggles, “I meant for that to hit Shadid, he’s been a real jerk ever since the riding instructor complimented his form over the rest of ours.”

“And so what?!” You exploded, and the boy’s eyes widened and his laughter gone, “Do I look like-” this time, you had cut yourself off. He had mentioned that he is in the riding class with one of the princes, and so you were sure that the ‘others’ referred to were royal as well.

You quickly cooled yourself and put neutrality into your expression and tone. “Never mind, just move outta my way, please.” Man, you wished you had caught the symbol on the bead.

You turned around to pick up the bucket, spinning on your heel to push past him so you could pour it into the wyvern’s trough. You hoped he couldn’t see your face from this angle, because you could feel the heat of embarrassment on it. You had just yelled at an Almyran prince! Ugh! What if your parents found out?!

So caught up in your thoughts, you didn’t even notice the prince trying to catch your attention as you turned back around to leave the tower. Gone swiftly, you had. Completely unaware of the crestfallen, and lonely boy that was left behind you.

———

It was a few days later now, several hours past noon. It seemed as though the prince kept the event to himself, as no one came to question you about that day, nor did your parents say no to letting you walk in the woods.

Which was where you are now. Reflecting on it, you did feel a little bad about that day. He didn’t mean for that dreadful prank to impact anyone but his brother. It made you wonder how he gets treated if someone of his stature is just allowed to slip away with no one noticing.

The deeper the thoughts went, the sadder you felt for him. You had seen that prince in specific out and around before. It kind of seemed like no one wanted to be around him. In your honest opinion though, it looked like it bothered him less these days. He smiled with ease it seemed, not that you had seen him up close before that day.

“Yeah,” you thought, feeling the bite of anger in your chest, “maybe they just don’t want to be around him because he pulls such awful pranks on people when they’ve lost his good opinion!”

I’m your thoughts, you had wandered away from the path a bit, and into a clearing, you had seen once before. You weren’t lost. Probably. Though, while your idle mind had enough sense to send your small legs over the roots of trees in the ground, it had not anticipated anything larger.

You heard an “Oof!” As you tumbled to the floor, completely knocked out of your own little world. You pushed up from the ground to begin to catch your bearings when you looked over and saw the bewildered prince that plagued your very thoughts. He held his stomach with a wince and regarded you with shock on his face.

He also looked like he had been sleeping. Eyes were a bit puffed up, and his hair was not neat, you noted.

“Hey! It’s you!” He said, a bit winded from your kick. “Ha. Why did you do that? Bit of vengeance?”He was lightly teasing. But only lightly, because his eyes shined the want to know and hidden insecurities.

You thought that it was fair for him to ask, you would probably want to know why someone kicked you too. Especially if you had seemingly been napping out in a secluded area in the woods.

“‘M sorry, I wasn’t expecting anybody to be there when I put my foot down.” He huffed a laugh at that and his shoulders relaxed.

“Stranger, that still doesn't answer my question. You wouldn’t still be mad about the other day, would you?” The prince quirked an eyebrow at you, the teasing lilt still present in his voice.

You rolled your eyes, “Yes, because I would wander out into the woods, in hopes that I would find the strange prince who dumped feed all over me. I do so very much enjoy such petty revenge.” you replied in a flat tone.

“I really didn’t mean for it to hit you,” he said, propping himself up on an elbow to face you. “In fact, I was kinda hoping that we could just laugh it off and maybe start a beautiful friendship!” He joked, with a hint of sincerity.

You layered back fully on the grass and turned your head towards him with a glare. “And what? Face your wrath every time I’ve even slightly wronged you? I don’t think I want that.” You scoffed. Turning your head back to the sky. You could feel his gaze on you, only spurring on your anger, that you knew was a bit misplaced.

“In fact, I think I understand now why people don’t want to be around you as much.” You knew it was too far. You didn’t mean to, honestly. The forest seemed to agree that you were stupid by becoming awkwardly still and silent.

You could feel his eyes drilling a hole into the side of your head. You didn’t dare take your eyes off of the sky. You weren’t brave enough for that. The guilt was seeping into you in heaps. Divines, this was so awkward. Maybe you should shove away your pride apologize. Maybe the moment has passed 30 seconds ago.

“What do you mean by that?” He asked in a soft voice. You couldn't see it, but paired with his eyes trying to dill into your soul, was a face of concern. In truth, he really did feel bad that you had been the unintended target to his prank. But he has had to learn to let things go in his short life. He knows not to expect the best outcome from people. Claude did have hope that not all people were so bad though.

You swallowed. Goodness, you felt guilty.

“I didn’t really mean it. I guess in a poorly voiced way, I was wondering if being friends with you would mean getting pranked like that if I upset you.” Honestly, you would take suffering pranks from the prince over being on the receiving end of whatever damage you just caused any day. You opened your mouth to apologize.

“Oh.” He gave a light huff. Turning his head to the sky, you could feel the pain from his voice, but you didn’t dare check to see if his face matched.

“I think I would prefer if people didn’t want to be around me for that reason. At least then it’s something that I had control over.” He stared at the sky as if his gaze would break it if he tried hard enough.

You turned your head back towards him. Trying to read his facial expression. You didn’t fully understand what he meant by that, but you could guess that the meaning was way deeper than his words let on.

He met your gaze while you were lost in thought. If it’s any consolation, at this time he couldn’t read your facial expressions very well either, though he would get better. Claude was a bit worried honestly. You had gone silent again and your eyes were dazed.

“Y’know what. I think I do want to be your friend.” Came your voice.

He blinked. “What?!”

“Yeah. On one condition.”

“Name it.”

“That you let me apologize this time.” He smiled. One that looked much prettier than the ones you had seen from afar.

“Ok.” He breathed.

This was indeed the start of a beautiful friendship.

[wonderland-woe]

Intrusive thoughts are wild, man

[redvelvetwishtree]

[archibaldtuttle]

I want to show you an actual training slide from my customer service job that I had to see yesterday.

[chloesimaginationthings]

The moment FNAF movie Vanessa knew she fucked up