#You Don't Mess with the Zohan

[fortunaegloria]

Scans of the Brazilian magazine "Set" from January 2008, whose main article is about the movies that were going to (or were scheduled to) premiere in theaters that year, time when the Writers' Strike took place in Hollywood. On the cover, Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull.

In addition, the magazine also features articles about the movies The Kite Runner, the Brazilian one My Name Ain't Johnny ("Meu Nome Não é Johnny") and the sequel to Alien vs. Predator, which I won't emphasize here.

Click on images for HQ.

More mags here.

BONUS:

[moviepropscollection]

[randomguy0ntumbir]

he movin his feet like the zohan

Romeo + Juliet (1996) dir. Baz Luhrmann

[script-supervisor]

Ronit Ravich-Boss

"You don't mess with the Zohan", dir. Dennis Dugan, 2008.

[pitch-and-moan]

Dvir

A dark, gritty prequel to You Don't Mess with the Zohan, in which we learn the character Zohan's origins in excruciating detail.

[emetophobiahelp]

you don’t mess with the zohan, NOT SAFE

at around 43 minutes in, zohan is driving this guy around and when the guy gets out of the car, he v*, once he’s in the car you can just skip from there. the scene has visual and audio it’s quite triggering

.

[movietitlescollection]

[eyesfromhell]

There is something really weird about You Don't Mess With The Zohan (2008)

The movie's thesis is that Israelis and Palestinians are actually the same, but it has weird consequences:

The movie doesn't know what Israelis are, so in the movie Israeli = jewish + hummus

The movie only knows about Ashkenazi jews, so Israeli = Ashkenazi jew + hummus

The movie is secular, so jewish means everything jews do except practice, so Israeli = Yiddish + hummus

because the movie says Palestinians and Israelis are the same, Palestinians = Yiddish + hummus

and it's weird that the Palestinians speak Yiddish, right? The main-ish cast of the movie had like 2 Mizrahi Jews and 2 Egyptians so they could've said something, right? Someone could've said Israelis speak more Arabic than Yiddish, right?

[mojo72400]

Barem hates puppies

Nayuta: Denji! He has a flamethrower… and puppies! Denji: No! Barem: Imma burn up this whole block, Imma burn you up, Imma burn up these puppies! And we all gone' go to hell together, cause I hate these puppies!

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: The First Omen

Arkasha Stevenson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the first omen Stevenson: things about to get real catholic here William Peter Blatty: yes.. ha ha YES!! Stevenson: and even more italian Lovecraft: Lovecraft: oh uh i don't like that

Stevenson: it's about a moribund religious institution forcing a woman to carry a baby against her will set against the political violence of the years of lead Alex Garland: why you hafta get all political Garland: why can't people just make nice films anymore

Stevenson: see the thing about my film is Stevenson: it engages with the moment Garland: oh but i prefer a film that doesn't engage with the moment Garland: hey has anyone here seen adam sandler's you don't mess with the zohan? what a tour de force!! [chef's kiss]

Stevenson: so this american woman goes to rome to become a nun Stevenson: but what she doesn't realize Stevenson: is how incredibly italian everything will be Stevenson: and also its the 70s, which is statistically speaking, the MOST italian time period

Stevenson: like things are SO italian Lovecraft: [sweats] they can't be THAT italian, right? i mean, it's just Lovecraft: just a little bit italian right?? Lovecraft: right???  Stevenson: it's smoking nuns level italian Lovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Stevenson: but even better, so catholic William Peter Blatty: yes, yes, i like it! Stevenson: there's gonna be this one irish priest- Blatty: that's me Blatty: that guy is me Stevenson: and his accent is SO thick Blatty: that's my OC now

Stevenson: you know what the omen really needed, though? Stevenson: hot hot devil sex Barker: that is true Barker: the omen DID have a severe lack of devil sex Barker: i noticed that when i watched it, kind of a glaring oversight actually

Stevenson: well, don't worry Stevenson: we rectify that in this version Stevenson: we're gonna flash the devil's dick Blatty: whoa you can't flash the devil's dick! Barker: yeah, that's right, you really need to linger Barker: we all want a good look at that

Barker: like, how are we supposed to see anything when you flash it so fast? Frank Belknap Long: oh it's nothing special, it's just a bad dragon model 57a Willowtongue ® the Ent, 2017 Alt-Porn award winner Barker:

Stevenson: now we are retconning a few things about the omen Stevenson: for example, this time damien has a mom Stevenson: instead of being birthed by a dog Barker: oh but that was dean's favorite part Dean Koontz: i wish my mom was a dog :( Barker: kid just really loves dogs

[postoctobrist]

Would you ever do a KJB on You Don't Mess With The Zohan? I COMPLETELY understand if the answer is no.

eventually we will do every movie

[28dayslater]

Film asks: 2, 19, 38! We choose hate x

2. what movie do you wish you could unwatch?

Pound for pound the movie I've probably had the worst time watching is Adam Sandler's you don't mess with the zohan. Bafflingly terrible. So offensive it's not even worth bothering to bring up. A painful experience

19. name a movie so bad it’s good

M3GAN I saw it with Eleanor and we had the time of our lives, the cinemagoers even burst into mocking applause

38. in your opinion what is the most overrated movie?

I watched ghostbusters for the first time like, last year? And it was fine. Sufficient. Watchable, even. I absolutely cannot fathom how it's seen as such an unimpeachable, legacy sequel spawning classic

[perfectiondarl1n]

Killian with a FtM boywife that loves bad comedy films (think Adam Sandler or whatever)

thank you so much for the ask!! I love writing HCs!

When you first came out to Killian as trans, he called you in stupid for being anxious, then kissed you.

"Baby cakes I'm pansexual," he says to you, "trans bodies are incredibly attractive to me,"

Killian then begins to talk about the lewd things that he loves about trans bodies

But he isn't fetishizing you, and you know that. You understand that Killian's childhood trauma resulted in him becoming so hyper sexual.

you both have your struggles, yes, but since day 1 of your relationship, the two of you never fail to support each other, help, and listen.

As time goes on, you two learn each other like the back of your hand.

One day when Killian came home from work, he notices the moment he sees you the you're not in a good mental place

Before you have time to process it, you find yourself in bed with Killian, but not sexually. He's simply holding you close, showering you in love and kisses.

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you, baby?" he asks you. Killian rubs your shoulders to release the tension

you shake you head no, "not right now, I'm struggling and dwelling on this will only make me feel worse"

Concern is written all over killian's face, and he tells you, "bottling up everything never will go well..." he hangs his head a bit, "that's what I do, you see his badly it ends..."

You nod and agree

"How about we watch a few funny movies to get you in a better mental place, then we can talk about it, okay?"

You beam and melt into your boyfriend. "That sounds perfect, killian"

You and Killian get comfy under the blankets cuddling before he turns on the TV

Your eyes width when you see all the movies that he has selected for you to pick are Adam Sandler.

"I know you love his movies, I also do," Killian Chuckles.

This is new information to you, but you're filled with happiness to know that you and Killian have yet another thing in common.

It feels like you are meant to be when Killian suggests,

"Let's start with 'You Don't Want to Mess with the Zohan,' and next, 'Happy Gilmore?'"

You grin. "Hell yes!"

Killian grins like an idiot in love, seeing your reaction.

"Change of plans, baby," he says, "we'll have an Adam Sandler movie marathon all night, and when we wake up tomorrow, then we'll talk, yeah?"

You throw your arms around his shoulders and kiss him passionately.

When you finally pull away, Killian says, "seems you really like that idea~"

"Yes - and I love you, killian"

"Just as I love you, y/n"

You and Killian share one more passionate kiss. Then, you turn your attention to the one, the only, Adam Sandler

The two of you cuddle while uncontrollably laughing all night long.

When you finally fall asleep, you're still holding the other.

You wonder how you got so lucky to be the one Killian loves.

And Killian wonders how he got so lucky to be the one you love

[zionistsinfilm]

When you buy or stream You Don't Mess with the Zohan, Superman & Lois, The Mentalist, Entourage, National Lampoon's Adam & Eve, The Knight Before Christmas, you're giving money to zionists. Emmanuelle Chriqui stands with the zionist project today and always.

[thevaudevilledemon]

Putting a different question out, because I've gotten back into Red vs Blue, I have always wanted an RvB character in a Death Battle against a character from a different franchise, so... why not?

Tucker vs Ruby Rose - Two fighters who kinda had leadership pushed upon them.

Doc vs Medic - Insane Medical Professionals, and we're not sure about the professional part.

Carolina vs Samus - Badass armour clad Women who kick ass

Caboose vs Zohan - I don't know, I just wanted to have a Caboose suggestion. I think it'd be funny.

[tropicalfreckles]

I mean I'm not surprised people probably haven't seen all that dudes movies but like it gets me I saw people surprised ADAM SANDLER is a Zionist when his ass made You don't mess with the Zohan.