pitch-and-moan

[pitch-and-moan]

Brodysseus

[pitch-and-moan]

Meat Cops

[pitch-and-moan]

Mothership Groovin'

A blacksploitation remake of Galaxy Quest, wherein the aliens base their culture on Parliament's Mothership Connection album, rather than a fictional TV show based on Star Trek.

[pitch-and-moan]

Pre-Heat

A prequel to Michael Mann's crime drama Heat, about Al Pacino's character Vincent Hanna's rookie year in the LAPD. All the major and even most minor characters from Heat reappear as younger, dumber versions of themselves. Instead of being a crime drama, it's a bit of a farce.

[pitch-and-moan]

Kelptomania

A documentary about people who are suffering from a very specific delusion: they believe themselves to be manatees.

[pitch-and-moan]

'cetown's Lot

Yet another film adaptation of Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot, but set in Provincetown, MA, and with an all-gay cast. The Marsten House is now a beach house.

[pitch-and-moan]

Reefer Madness

A shot for shot remake of the 1938 exploitation film, except everyone's addicted to air conditioning rather than cannabis.

[pitch-and-moan]

Will Smithsonian

A rapper turned actor becomes the Secretary of the Smithsonian.

[pitch-and-moan]

Tone LOC

A rapper turned actor becomes the head Librarian of Congress.

[pitch-and-moan]

The Best of R.E.M.

Everyone can lucid dream, but some people grow to hate it.

[pitch-and-moan]

Collapse Into Now

A sequel to Out of Time, the scientist whose dimensions were warped and switched by time travel believes he can undo his original work and travel back in time, but it requires him to expend horrifying amounts of energy to bounce back and forth between the past and the future, slowly unwinding entropy until he returns to a normal now, before he ever traveled to the future in the first place.

[pitch-and-moan]

Accelerate

A scientist discovers he can make money using gravitational arbitrage- that while gravity itself is constant, due to fluctuations in heights on surface of earth and a spinning core, there are small differences in the mass and weight depending where on the planet an object is and where it's going. His work has unintended consequences.

[pitch-and-moan]

Around the Sun

An unexpected and unforeseen series of comets enter the solar system, and begin clustering around the inner four planets, trapped in their gravitational field. These new moons begin to wreak havoc on orbital patterns.

[pitch-and-moan]

Reveal

A stage magician is capable of doing real magic, but hates it because he feels his audience isn't worthy of seeing it. After being goaded into pulling off a truly impossible feat during a private show, he begins using real magic with real consequences.

[pitch-and-moan]

Up

A terrible knockoff of Stephen King's (Richard Bachman's) book The Long Walk, wherein the contest is climbing stairs rather than just continually walking along a road.

[pitch-and-moan]

New Adventures in Hi-Fi

Styled to be an '80s sex comedy, a teenager with a pirate radio station in a small suburb broadcasts his late night show for friends and other teenagers, at first unaware the songs he plays are causing people to kill themselves depending on the lyrics of the songs. While initially horrified, he begins a perverse experiment, with tragic consequences.

[pitch-and-moan]

Monster

A little girl living in an apartment building in a small city in the American south comes to believe everyone in the complex is some kind of monster, even her own family. Turns out, she is too.