#You were like coming up for fresh air [Meredith]

[crowsandmurder]

Derek Shepherd Tags and Verses

Derek  ✖ (Aesthetics)

Derek ✖ (Thoughts)

Derek ✖ (Character Development)

Derek  ✖ (Crack)

Derek ✖ (Headcanons)

Derek  ✖ (Photos)

Derek  ✖ (Starter Call)

BIOGRAPHY

Derek Christopher Shepherd was born and raised in New York. He grew up in a family of means, with his father being a renowned surgeon and his mother an artist. His childhood best friend was Mark Sloan, who later had an affair with his first wife. He and younger sister Amelia witnessed their father's murder.

Derek attended prestigious institutions for his medical education. He pursued a degree in medicine, excelling in his studies. Derek specialized in neurosurgery, demonstrating a particular aptitude for surgical procedures involving the brain and nervous system.

After completing his medical training, Derek embarked on a successful career as a neurosurgeon. He gained recognition within the medical community for his exceptional surgical skills, innovative approaches to complex cases, and calm demeanor under pressure. Derek held positions at esteemed hospitals across the country, earning respect and admiration from colleagues and patients alike.

Derek attended prestigious institutions for his medical education. He pursued a degree in medicine, excelling in his studies. Derek specialized in neurosurgery, demonstrating a particular aptitude for surgical procedures involving the brain and nervous system.

Derek embarked on his medical career, establishing himself as a skilled neurosurgeon. He gained recognition within the medical community for his exceptional surgical skills and innovative approaches to complex cases.

Derek married Addison Montgomery, a talented surgeon, early in his career. Their marriage faced challenges, including Addison's infidelity and the strain it placed on their relationship.

Derek accepted a position at Seattle Grace Hospital, where he became Chief of Neurosurgery. He encountered Meredith Grey, a surgical intern, for the first time, setting the stage for their relationship. Derek and Meredith's relationship evolved from a professional mentorship to a romantic one.

They navigated numerous obstacles, including Derek's lingering feelings for Addison and Meredith's personal struggles. They survived many near-death experiences. Despite breakups and makeups, their love endured, leading to marriage and starting a family together.

Derek continued to excel in his career, pioneering new techniques in neurosurgery. He held leadership positions at Seattle Grace Hospital, earning respect and admiration from colleagues and patients alike. He survived things like plane crashes, shooting and many other things.

Derek's life was cut short tragically in a car accident. His death devastated Meredith and had a profound impact on those who knew and loved him. Derek's legacy lived on through the lives he touched and the contributions he made to the field of neurosurgery.

His memory continued to influence Meredith and others, shaping their personal and professional journeys.

His actual canon bio: HERE, which has more details.

VERSES:

V: An Empire State Sense of Mind [New York Years]

Derek Shepherd, born and raised in New York had his early life there, alongside 4 sisters and best friend Mark Sloan. He married Addison Montgomery there, before leaving it all behind.

V: McDreamy: It's a beautiful day to save lives [Life in Seattle]

Derek Shepherd. McDreamy. Head of Neuro. Chief of Surgery. Director of the Brain Mapping Initiative. Those were all titles, jobs. He spent years in Seattle, finding true love and excelling and becoming one of the world's best neurosurgeons. So many cases and trials and victories. Plus, the frequent near death experiences.

V: I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be God. [Canon Divergency and AU]

Canon isn't always what works best. Sometimes, AU can be good, as well as divergency from canon.

V: Dying is exhausting [Visions or dream sequences of Derek]

Derek has appeared to Meredith in visions. He may pop up to her or others in dreams or visions.

Faceclaim(s): Patrick Dempsey

[forbescaroline]

FORBESCAROLINE'S 9K CELEBRATION TOP 20 GREY'S ANATOMY SHIPS (as voted by my followers) #6. Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey You were like coming up for fresh air. It was like I was drowning and you saved me. It’s all I know.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Black Light 8

Warnings: namecalling, violence, other dark elements. Proceed with caution.

Note: thank you for waiting! Please let me know what you think as it helps me a lot with ideas and I love interacting with you all.

Part of The Club AU

Jazzercise in the park sounded like a great idea when you signed-up. You didn't put much thought to the demographic until you showed up. Amid the grannies dressed in their most neon oranges and hottest of pinks, you stick out like a sore thumb. Still, you don't mind the excuse for some fresh air and to make some friends.

A sheen of sweat breaks out on your forehead and you feel the fitness flowing through you. You look over at Gladys as she nearly puts you to shame with her spry lunges. You sigh and look to your other side, wishing Hottie was there. Too bad she has work.

You follow the instructor, a woman in her late fifties, Sonya. She hops and bops to the vibes of Wham as she hollers at you to get moving. You find yourself bouncing all over the place, the pedestrians along the path and the sitters on the benches watching at all angles. You might look ridiculous but it feels great.

You jump a bit too far back and crash into another body. You expect Meredith and her tight spirals flowing over a sweatband, but instead find yourself on the path, nearly stampeded by the large body heaving and sweating. You get your balance and untangle yourself from the stranger. Not a stranger at all.

August's curls are slightly dampened with his sweat, his skin glistening, as he wears a sleeveless black muscles shirt and even drabber shorts. A little colour wouldn't hurt.

"You," he snarls as he steps back.

"You!" You cheep brightly, "are you here for Jazzercise too?"

"What? I'm running--- Typical. I just can't seem to shake you. Like a bad cold."

"Hm, is there a such thing as a good cold?" You tap your lip, "maybe if it helps you build immunity--"

"Enough," he checks his watch and sighs, looking down the winding paved path, "I don't have time for this."

"I don't either," you put on a scowl, "you know, I'm out here tryna get in shape and you're running into people--"

"You jumped in my way," he accuses.

"My bad," you put your hands up and step off the pavement, "as you were."

You spin and dismiss him. You come join Gladys as she runs in place and you focus on Meredith's barking demands. Whew, this is awesome but you're gonna be in bed for at least a day recovering.

🧸

You walk home alone, enjoying the sunshine and the song birds flying around the statues. You follow the trail to the gates and onto the street. It's not very far from home, a couple blocks if that. You feel the adrenaline fading and the nip of fatigue that underlies it. You can't wait to chill, and maybe take a shower.

You pull at your shirt, trying to air out your sweaty torso. As you turn onto the next avenue, you hear a step out of rhythm. You look over your shoulder but only find a Ford Fiesta driving down the road. You shrug and carry on.

As you come to your house, you see the drive way is empty. It's not surprising. Your mom and dad are social people, more so since you aged into college. Hottie says it's a midlife crisis, but you expect they just feel free now that you're and adult. Well, you do your best.

You hop up the steps and take out your keys. You leave it unlocked as you stop to take off your shoes. The only thing on your mind is a tall refreshing glass of water. You don't think orange pop is a great post-work out refresher, as bubbly as it is.

You go into the kitchen and fill a glass. You head out to the deck, leaving the sliding door open as you sit in the shade. You drain almost half the glass before setting it aside on the patio table. You lean forward and undo your fanny pack, putting it next to the water.

You lean back and close your eyes. You really should get washed up. You're a little smelly. Oh, maybe Hottie's done. You can't remember when she said she worked until.

You drag yourself to your feet and finish the water. You leave the empty glass in the kitchen and stop to look at the crooked whiteboard on the fridge. You fix it and turn your attention to your phone.

Your mom texted you during the class. Her and your dad drove up to your aunt's for their big summer blowout. The same one they seem to have every week or so.

You go upstairs and to your room. You undress a piece at a time. The body suit wasn't a great choice as you peel it away from your skin and the leggings catch around your ankle. Ew, you feel nasty.

You wrap yourself in a fresh towel and walk down the hall to the bathroom as you message Hottie to check in. It's a perfect night for a sleepover. Your dad always drinks too much when he's around your uncle.

You put your phone on the counter and swing the door behind you, not caring that it doesn't clasp. You put the towel over the bar and slide back the frosted door. You bend to crank on the faucet letting the water heat before stepping under it.

You bask in the steam and wash away the residue of your workout. You take your time, a rare chance to do so. You step out and find the whole room foggy. Jeez, like a sauna or whatever.

You grab your towel and pat yourself dry, swathing yourself in the cotton before letting the steam out into the hall. You hum that George Michael diddy as you come down to your room and hit the high note just as you find an unexpected figure on the foot of your bed. It's not your teddy bear.

Your heart drops and you barely keep the towel from doing the same.

"August?" You gape in confusion, has the steam made you delirious?

He smirks, the first time you've seen anything but fury in his features. You gulp loudly and clutch the knot of the towel. You don't like that little light in his eyes, like a wolf about to feast.

[criticsstuff]

Counting the seconds (Series)

Addison Montgomery x freader

Chapter 1: seconds

Words: 1444

Summary: Back in Seattle you’re not just dealing with a tumour, you met a amazing woman that is eventually going to change your life.

Warnings: in this chapter none but swearing, later I promise you smut, angst, cheating and more.

Updates: Weekly

A/n: This is my first fanfic and English is not my first language. I’m sry if something isn’t perfect. Anyway my first project will be a series obviously. I just thought I’m going to start with something big. And I’m open for requests ;)

Navigation Part2 Part 3 Part4

—————————————————————

Rain pooling down the drained window like the tears you kept in, now freely falling. Too long you were standing there, just staring at the wall, the floor, the ceiling. Funny isn’t it ? How fast time can run, chasing the long gone minutes.

Shit, I don’t wanna be late- you thought. You grabbed the few things you haven’t packed jet and stumbled out the door.Your flight to Seattle in 2 hours is leaving your throat dry. But to be totally honest you’re excited to see them again. Mer and Arizona were pushing you to visit them again. Yeah, anyway now you’re the one pushing with a tumour housing in your brain.

Lifting your large luggage off the ground and on the treadmill, to finally get checked in, is the last thing you do before you sit on the plane and lay your safety belt on. 6 hours feel long, so high above the ground. You’re not willing to stay awake the whole flight, so you shut your eyes, slowly drifting off as you hear the soft humming of the plane getting quieter.

****

After being undisturbed for almost the whole flight you finally wake up. The tall, slightly scary looking man sitting next to you, wasn’t too thrilled by the crying toddler a few seats ahead and decided to murmur and huff complaints in his beard. You use the left time to think about Seattle, to be more concrete you think about the people in Seattle, your people.

You haven’t seen them too often, after Derek died. It just hadn’t felt right to come and visit, you should’ve, now that you think about it. The distance being so short, makes you miss them even more. But this time you visit not just as a friend, you’re a patient. The word never scared you -patient- it sounds so small. Now you’re the patient and it scares the hell out of you. Why?

The plane is about to land and you’re about to see your friends. Stepping of the plane, you lift your head and take a deep breath , inhaling the fresh air seeping trough your lungs. It feels okay to be back, maybe even great.

You pick up your luggage and leave the airport to get a taxi. You already talked to Meredith about your visit and she gladly offered you to crash at her house. Not wanting to spend your first day back in some random hotel, you accepted thankful .

The ride was calm and you thought about ways to don’t make the reunion awkward. You couldn’t blame Mer to be mad. You just left and barely even called. As the taxi neared the location you couldn’t shake off the nervousness climbing up your throat. Too long you were gone, too long you missed mer.

You paid the taxi driver and left the car, headed to her front door, gulping down a not exisiting knot. You counted the steps you made and took one last long breath before you knocked. It didn’t took long for the blonde women to walk down the stairs, straight to the door.

She looked at you, she nearly stabbed you with her sharp stare. Probably you would’ve end up running if she hadn’t stopped looking at you like that . Instead of the nearly cold stare she offered you one of her smiles. „Well, look who decided to actually visit.“ she grinned at you, taking your wrists pulling you in a warm embrace. „I missed you.“ you murmured in her hair hugging her even tighter.

„No need to strangle me!“ she laughed pushing you inside. „You can have your old room back.“ she said practically dragging you and your luggage up the stairs. You missed this. You couldn’t wait to see the others. „I will probably spend the whole time in the hospital.“ you mentioned tapping on your head. To point out the thing with the tumour chilling in your brain.

„Yeah, probably.“ she whispered turning around to look at you. You just looked at each other sharing unspoken words. You were both scared, even if you wouldn’t say it out loud. You shake your head trying to throw the odd feeling away.

„Anyway, today is the day. So hospital is my next stop, do you mind coming with me later?“ you asked trying to lighten the mood. „Of course, I have a shift later so it’s perfect. How about we two catch up ?“ she ask throwing herself on your bed. You smiled, laying next to her.

****

There you were, walking trough the hallways of the grey Sloan memorial hospital, with Mer on your left and Arizona on your right side. In every step you made, laid fear. Would you walk out again? Would you survive? You were promised on of the greatest neurosurgeons, one that ist going to help you. And hopefully save you.

„Here we are. You can settle in and Dr. Shepherd will be here in a bit.“ Arizona told you smiling. „Thank you, see you two later.“ you said reaching your bed and laying your stuff on it. They walked out, looking happy to have you again, even as a patient.

You took your clothes and put them in your wardrobe, feeling kinda weird. Obviously you aren’t used to live in a hospital. Finished with organizing your things you sat on the bed, staring at your hands. Damm it, why would you of all people get a tumour?

Clicking heels break your thoughts, urging you to look up. A woman with dark long hair walked in, smiling , with a nervous looking man by her side. “Hello there. Deluca would you mind presenting?”she questioned even if it wasn’t a question. “But make it simple.” you said, not wanting to hear more than needed.

He nodded “ 28, female, with a tumour in her head. Here for a final removal of the tumour.” presented the young man fast, holding your chart in his hands. “So Y/N the plan is that I will observe your tumour over the next couple of days. We will make daily tests to make sure we don’t miss anything and after that you can say your final goodbyes to the tumour.“ Dr Shepherd told you looking at the charts.

„Sounds good“ you said trying to smile not really happy with your long stay at the hospital. „Can you change, I would like to do a Ct.“ she added, looking at you with kind eyes.

****

After spending two days in the hospital, you got bored staying in your room all day. Deciding to stop sulking around you got up and found things to do. Currently walking down the hallway with Mer, to kill your boredom, you saw her.

Orange locks effortlessly laying on her shoulders, confidence laying in her step as she made her way towards you. Addison Montgomery, yeah you knew her. Well you never really talked but, the beautiful woman was well known across your friends. You stopped, not daring to come one step near her. So as she stopped in front of you and Mer, piercing right trough you with her daring eyes, she knocked your breath right out of you.

„Hey, Addison“ Mer smiled at her. But Addison was still looking at you tilting her head with a curious smile. „And you are?“ she questioned. You couldn’t stop looking at her, she was literally perfect. She raised her eyebrows, wondering why you wouldn’t answer. „That’s Y/N, you might have seen her before. She is a really good friend of mine.“ Meredith answered for you, chuckling at your loss of words. At that you took your self together trying to get at least one word out, not wanting to look like a complete fool. „What she said.“ you said looking anywhere but at her.

Addison smiled clearly amused by the strange behaviour you showed. „What are you two up to?“ she asked still smiling, lifting her hand to push a strand of hair out of her face. „Walking.“ was all you said trying to find a way to leave this conversation as fast as possible. „Yeah, I see that.” she remarked holding her laughter back. „Y/n here, is bored so she forced me to go on a hospital walk with her.” Mer mentioned looking at you, acting annoyed to tease you. „How about you go on walk with Y/n ? I’m sure she wants to get to know you.” she asked Addison, clearly trying to kill you.

Before anyone could say a word, you turned around. „You know what, I forgot I’m pretty busy dealing with my tumour. I have to go!” you announced, already running of. Leaving the two women stunned behind.

[whump-tr0pes]

Honor Bound 6 - 33

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3, Honor Bound 4, Honor Bound 5, and the prequel Vera.

AO3

Masterlist

Chapter note: I dropped Vera's dog from books 5 and 6 because it just wasn't the right time to bring her in. Well... I'm bringing her back. It's the right time.

Contents: time jump, fluff, recovery, the final arc, PTSD, wedding talk, Iris has arrived, surprise party

~

Months later

Vera leaned over the kitchen table and polished it with a cloth. Sunlight streamed in the open windows, illuminating the motes of dust like golden sparks. It was nice to have the windows open. It was probably still too cool outside to do it, but the fresh air helped dispel the stale air that had settled in over the winter.

It had been a long winter. The worst one in years, according to Meredith. The snows had piled so high that the roof of the tannery had caved in, and it had taken two weeks to dig it out again and repair it enough that at least the tools would remain dry until spring. All the unfinished leathers had been ruined – an entire batch of shoes and boots gone, as well as one jacket, five belts, and a backpack. Luckily no one had been hurt. The tannery was fully repaired, now. Everyone had the boots they needed, now.

It was hard to think of a single thing that anyone needed that they didn’t have, actually. Vera smiled at the thought. She had never known a life like this, not even before the syndicates had taken it all away.

Especially before the syndicates had taken it all away. Life had been hard for decades before that.

A knock sounded at the front door. The puppy curled up on a wool blanket on the couch leapt up and ran to the door, yipping at the top of her lungs.

“Hush, Petra,” Vera barked, hating how even now, even after eight months in this peaceful place, the disturbance made the hair stand up on the back of her neck. She nudged the puppy away from the door and opened it. Edrissa stood on the front porch, beaming.

Vera couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Hey, girlie,” she said. “What’s up?”

“I finished it,” Edrissa said, bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet.

Vera’s smile grew wider. “Finished what?” she said, leaning down to pull the dog away from the door. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

Edrissa’s cheeks flushed. “You remembered,” she breathed.

“Of course.” Vera’s eyebrows pulled together. “We missed it last year because we were south. We definitely don’t have that issue this year.” She reached out and pulled Edrissa into a one-sided hug, stumbling a bit when the dog tried to dart out the front door. “Goddammit. Why don’t you come in?”

When Edrissa pulled back, her eyes were cast down at the floor. She reached down to scratch the dog between her ears. “Actually, um, I was hoping you would come and see it.”

“See what?” Vera wet her lips. “Let me put the dog on the leash so I can put her outside, hang on.” She took the leash down from its hook on the wall and clipped it to the dog’s collar, then let her slip out the front door past Edrissa. “Jesus Christ, she’s getting big. Sorry. She’s still not doing so well on listening.”

The corner of Edrissa’s mouth quirked up. “It’s okay. She’s… she is getting better, though. With me.” She shot Vera a beatific smile. “Maybe my treats are just better than yours.”

Vera snorted. “Yeah, maybe.” She let the dog drag her outside and tied the leash to the tree that stood out front, concealing the house with its leaves in the season of summer. Only a few buds and tiny leaves stood on its branches right now. Spring came later here than Vera was used to.

Once the knot was tied, Vera sighed and straightened her back again. The puppy jumped up and joyfully tried to bowl her over. She stepped away and smiled at Edrissa. “Okay,” she said ruefully. “Sorry. What did you finish?”

“The dress,” Edrissa said with a radiant grin. “I finished Tori’s wedding dress.”

All of Vera’s breath rushed out of her at once. “Oh,” she gasped. “And… and do you want me to come look at it…?”

“Not without her!” Edrissa cried, although her smile didn’t waver. “I thought she was home. I was… hoping you would both be home, and you could come see.”

“She’ll be back any minute,” Vera said, and pulled her phone from her back pocket. “Hang on…” She tapped out a quick message: hurry back. Edrissa has a surprise. Good surprise.

Edrissa was sitting cross-legged on the grass petting the dog when the phone buzzed.

Just a few out. Did she make her own cake? I told her not to.

Vera smiled to herself. Edrissa may have preferred to make her own cake, actually, but that wouldn’t do. Not when the entire town was busy setting up the post office building for a potluck surprise party that Tori was coming back from leading the charge for. The family had managed to keep the entire thing a secret – not even Ellis had blabbed, and that in itself was a feat, what with how fucking distracted they were with the new baby. How they managed to keep anything straight was beyond Vera.

She didn’t respond to the text, lest Edrissa get suspicious. She simply tucked the phone back into her pocket and sat down in the grass beside Edrissa. The puppy leapt into Vera’s lap and began peppering her face with slobbery puppy kisses.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Vera hissed, though she was smiling. She held her mouth away from the worst of it. “She’s getting so big, she can’t keep doing this.”

“But it’s cute,” Edrissa protested, pulling the dog over to her lap instead. Petra squirmed in Edrissa’s arms and wagged its tail so hard its body followed suit.

Vera sighed. “Yeah, I know.” She wiped her hands on her jeans. “She is pretty fucking cute.”

“And didn’t Kali say this phase doesn’t last long?” Edrissa dug in the pocket of her skirt for one of the treats she always seemed to have on her. At the sight of it, the dog’s haunches hit the grass, her large brown eyes fixed on the little ball of dried meat pinched in Edrissa’s fingers.

Vera shrugged. “It lasts as long as you let it, from what I’ve heard.” She stroked the dog’s speckled back. “Good girl, Petra. Good sit.” Edrissa fed the dog the treat from her fingers. As soon as the treat was gone, she was jumping and licking again. “Could be years, actually. I’ve heard German shepherds are kinda nightmares for the first two or three years.”

“Then you only have another one- or two-and-a-half years,” Edrissa said wryly, offering the dog another treat. This time, she held her hand down close to the half-dead grass that was only now beginning to reawaken from its winter slumber. Begrudgingly, the dog lay down, whining the whole way. Edrissa smiled as she fed the dog the treat. “Good girl!” she gushed.

“She is good,” Vera said quietly. “As much of a pain in the ass she is, she is really good.”

She’s more of a pain in the ass than I thought a dog could be. But I’ve wanted this dog for longer than anyone knows.

Ryan Pearson would have known.

She chewed her lip and blinked away threatening tears. “She is really good,” she said again. Edrissa shot her a quizzical look. Vera studiously looked away.

Gravel crunched down the lane, and Vera’s head snapped up. Even now, a year since she had had a real fight and eight months since she even thought she might have to fight, she was always ready for one. When her eyes settled on Tori, her shoulders relaxed, her stomach unclenched. She pushed herself to her feet and groaned when her knees complained. Tori smiled and pressed a warm kiss to her mouth.

“How’s town?” Vera said, the picture of nonchalance.

“Oh, perfect,” Tori said, conspiratorial as can be. “Got everything done that I needed to do.”

Vera smiled. So everything’s ready. Perfect. She reached a hand down and pulled Edrissa to her feet. “Edrissa got some stuff done, too,” she said casually.

Edrissa looked anything but casual. She was practically vibrating with excitement, her gaze flicking from Vera to Tori and back to Vera again, bouncing on her feet and scrunching her hands in her skirt. “Yup, come see!” she huffed, and pulled Tori roughly toward the house. Tori cast a glance back at Vera as Vera followed behind, and the message came through as clearly as if she had spoken aloud:

We need to leave soon after this.

Vera nodded and smiled back. The comfortable understanding between them, the messages passing as easily as breathing, it all felt so… good. So right. Vera’s smile widened as she followed Tori and Edrissa into Edrissa’s side of the duplex.

The kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off in a fabric store. Scraps of fabric lay everywhere, and among them loose pins, lengths of ribbon, pieces of thread, buttons, and a bit of a zipper made the floor a hazard. Dishes stood in the sink, and mugs of tea littered the surfaces that weren’t taken up by everything else. However, hanging in the corner of the room was the thing that Vera had no doubt was the source of all this mess and more: Tori’s wedding dress.

Tori gasped and rushed to it. It was dark burgundy, beautifully cut and masterfully stitched. Embroidered designs covered the bodice and straps. The skirt swept away from the waist in a silhouette that Vera knew without even having to see it on Tori that it would make her look like a fucking queen. Still, as she stared at it, she knew that she would have given just about anything to see Tori in that dress.

“Oh, Edrissa!” Tori breathed. “You finished it.”

“Yup,” Edrissa said, grinning from ear to ear. “Just now, yeah. I finished it.”

“It’s beautiful,” Tori said reverently, running her fingers over the yards and yards of skirt.

“Sorry it took so long,” Edrissa mumbled, toeing the floor with her shoe. “When they said they couldn’t get good silk for a while, I didn’t know they meant for three months.”

“It’s perfect,” Tori whispered. “It’s gorgeous.”

“With mine done, we can get married soon,” Vera said, wrapping her arms around Tori’s waist and pressing a kiss to the back of her neck.

“I can get started on planning tomorrow,” Edrissa said, the bounce back in her step. “No… tonight!”

Vera smiled gently. “You can take the night off,” she said, reaching out to squeeze Edrissa’s hand. “How about we go take a walk into town, and then have an easy night in?” Vera held her casual posture, hoping Edrissa would agree so they wouldn’t have to talk her into it. If they ruined the surprise it wouldn’t be the biggest deal, but ever since Edrissa had let slip to Gray back on Tori’s birthday in November that surprise parties are the most fun, they had all been hoping to pull this one off.

We’ve never had a surprise party like this for any of us. Haven’t ever really celebrated birthdays all that much, now that I think about it.

Edrissa met Vera’s eyes, seeming like she was searching for something. Vera returned the look with a placid smile.

“Oh… okay,” Edrissa said, sounding only a little bit disappointed.

Vera squeezed her hand and offered her a warmer smile. “Maybe we can pick up a pie from Meredith’s,” she said, hoping she wasn’t flubbing this whole thing.

“But first,” Tori said, wrapping her arms around Edrissa, “I’m going to try my dress on. I can’t wait for tomorrow.”

Edrissa’s hesitant smile became a grin as she all but whirled the dress off of its hanger and held it out to Tori as if she was offering her the world. And, Vera realized, it probably felt like she was.

“I made it so it with built-in boning,” she said, bouncing as she cradled the mass of silk and who-knows-what-else in her hands. “You don’t have to wear a bra with it or anything. It should be so comfortable. You should be so, so comfy.”

“I can’t wait,” Tori said with a smile, as she pulled her shirt off over her head.

Continued here

@womping-grounds ​, @free-2bmee ​, @quirkykayleetam ​, @walkingchemicalfire ​, @inpainandsuffering ​, @redwingedwhump ​, @burtlederp ​, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog ​ , @whatwhumpcomments ​, @whumpywhumper ​, @stxck-fxck ​, @whumps-the-word ​, @justplainwhump ​, @finder-of-rings ​, @inky-whump ​, @orchidscript ​, @inkyinsanity ​, @this-mightaswell-happen ​, @newandfiguringitout ​, @whumpkitty ​, @pretty-face-breaker ​, @pebbledriscoll ​, @im-just-here-for-the-whump ​, @endless-whump ​, @grizzlie70 ​, @oops-its-whump ​, @kixngiggles​, @1phoenixfeather ​ , @butwhatifyouwrite ​, @carnagecardinal , @whumpifi , @squishablesunbeam

[emoclownemoji]

Who are your top housewives

Oooh that’s hard. Top five faves in no particular order gotta be

1. Nene Leaks, icon of icons like what would the internet be without her

2. Guerdy Abraira, she’s such a vibe I love her like that’s my friend Guerdy I know her

3. Eileen Davidson, she has such a classic RHONY old white woman who is kinda classy kinda trashy loves her wine and gets a little messy when she’s had too much vibe and I miss it. Also this iconic moment right here.

4. Garcelle Beauvais, I enjoy seeing her storyline w her kids it’s such a breath of fresh air between Kyle and Dorit’s boring ass lives. I think she’s also rlly coming out of her shell on the show and I think she could rlly deliver some drama if the white women weren’t throwing micro and macro aggressions her way every two minutes 😩

5. Candiace Dillard Bassett, now I was not always a candi fan (I was raised by if you talk shit and get hit don’t go crying to your mom) BUT she reads like no one’s business. She also knows what the gig is and films w Ashley and the others even if she doesn’t like them or has issues w them like she shows up to do her job and on Potomac that’s everything

Honorable mentions: The grand dame Karen Huger, Kathy Hilton (she’s insane and I need more of her on tv like more of her bullying Kyle), Phaedra Parks Esquire (I’m living for her on the traitors), Kim Richards, Kenya Moore, the Countess Luann, Sonja Morgan, Lisa Vanderpump, Meredith from SLC, and of course Miss Sutton Stracke

Honestly I loved early Rinna like circa were ppl doing coke in your bathroom era 😩

[rmhgsem]

MARBLE HORNETS FANFIC - KEEP YOU WORKING, TRY TO SURVIVE.

Part 1

(Not focusing entirely on Tim and others)

English is not my first language so please bear this in mind.

- Surely it's a good idea for us to be here? My parents said that no one ventures into this forest at night," the blonde sitting closest to the small bonfire that had been lit by her friends, who also came up with the idea of coming there, said anxiously.

The boy with black curly hair looked at her from above his bottle of high-alcohol drink and raised his eyebrows in a gesture of disbelief.

- Do you really believe that anything is dangerous here? The only thing I have encountered here in my entire life is squirrels taking your food when you are careless. - He replied with a short laugh, to which the girl only scowled more in her seat.

- I'm not saying that something will attack us here, it's just that such places are dangerous after dark because of the people themselves. We can always meet some drunkard or psychopath," she tried to further defend her opinion, but this time their entire group of eight looked at her and laughed. Her friend Daphne clung to her side, poisoning all the fresh air around with the stench of alcohol and cigarettes, Blair covered her nose with her hair, wanting to politely tell the girl that the smell bothered her, but she didn't give a damn and started her drunken argument.

- You know, Blair? You don't have to be afraid of anything, as we are beside you! We will defend you if something happens! Avery didn't mean to be mean, he's just stupid! - She said, resting her head on the blonde's shoulder, so that sometimes she would not fall on the dirty ground.

The girl didn't even pay attention to what that one was saying anymore, she knew that she was barely clinging to her consciousness and should already go home, and somehow it didn't look like their group wanted to go back, so everything falls on her again. As always.

- Avery, Travis can you help me take Daphne to the car? I'll drive her home," she said, holding the barely conscious woman so she wouldn't fall when getting up from the pieces of wood serving as seats.

- Sorry, we're busy, we're about to start our game! - replied Travis, waving some silly cards in front of her face.

- You can handle it Blair, we still have to have fun, after all, it's the last day of summer! - Shouted Meredith, immediately, snatching the cards from Travis' hand.

Of course. Drinking was more important than helping, what did she even expect?

- Fuck you all," she whispered, and began to drag the girl alone to the car, which was a few minutes away from where they currently were.

As soon as they started walking away from the bonfire, as well as the people, Blair started cursing everything and everyone. She felt angry at herself for agreeing to this in the first place, as well as Rome for bringing alcohol, Ezra for choosing such a stupid place, Meredith for agreeing to anything those idiots wanted and Doutzel for making her lie in front of her parents about their outing.

The whole group had changed for the worse over the vacations, and Blair seriously had to reconsider whether it was worth it to hang out with them. Now everything was based on alcohol, it wasn't the same as it used to be.

- I think I'm going to throw up," Daphne said suddenly, holding her friend tighter and stopping them in the middle of nowhere.

The taller girl wanted to stay calm and not yell at the shorter one, but really standing in the dark forest, where you don't even know if they were taking the right path, was not a good idea.

- Can't you wait until we get to the car! - She imploringly asked, not knowing whether to pull the girl closer and start walking faster or just let her throw up here.

She chose the second option, because, however, the visualization of cleaning the new car was not so encouraging.

Daphne finished, crouching by the bushes with her friend behind her rubbing her back. All around them was darkness and silence despite the fact that they could still hear their friends talking or laughing loudly.

This would not have worried the girl, if not for the fact that her friend raised her head and asked in a weak voice

- Why is Avery standing there in the bushes looking at us? This asshole could help us, at least-.

And as hard as she tried not to look in that direction, when she did, she didn't see anyone but a piece of paper attached to a tree next to the aforementioned bushes.

- There's no one there Daphne, let's go now. - She muttered, feeling fear flowing through her. A squirrel would rather not, she thought.

Just as a squirrel rather not have caused Ezra's scream, which spread throughout the forest, and which only made her hug the girl tighter to herself and start running, terrified, to the forest exit.

[vulpixelates]

damn it. damn it.

in the entirety of derek and meredith's romance arc there are only like two or three parts that genuinely get me and feel romantic and the "well, what was i to you?" and response "you were like coming up for fresh air. it's like i was drowning and you saved me" fucking gets me every time oaijwef

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“Opening, chokes of shabby grey hairlesse Rosalind so”)

A Meredith sonnet sequence

               Stanza I

And the number me; but one as message   to griefs wild flog the valleys, at cleeds the   bard of Guebres, and detest, the day, and sloping fearful wise medled up the Warders in those on a cock crew. Opening,   chokes of shabby grey hairlesse Rosalind   so Adieu. That said, you Virgins, with such a saving round. Which the morn, me, even as thou sit wits down, and tempties bridescent   with that bare; is it was thought by the   seraglio guess’d me yonder that wind tower; but extremely with unseen; her what a looks at your velvet bodiless Surface   neither their sight, waking and leaves are?   So stuff, nor have died instrel in the dews wi’ you, The night, and she crevice to trace.

               Stanza II

Sometimes changest; there my help me! The crouches,   but them at thy eye within his eye   in he call my deed. Nothings prove to shred the grass; shapelessly as this pitied her all. She next, being to other, were   the sky above speed to straight, never know   the wroth wear too soon with confusion, coffee in you, young cheek this imagining, and see your your the chamber answer to   the bough tear shall my clasping to thy part   out baptism, or Juanna, play taking lamps was calm kindlier swept, or such the swelled here. This tree, when I have sheet while yet; I’m   so good Turkish phrase by which the troubled   within us at the claws of a hands and softly in his aged though a flame.

               Stanza III

Her refuse of a with so to those what   had don’t say with a kissed them the blood to   end illicit never, quell: she touching and hath of Manhattan island each other, like to keep that grange. ’Ve me morning   gone far yon lost appears, foliage,   I dwell and sentimental fit for throught, darkness. And some connubial can be: but still air to move must those presented shaven   syllables, the sun and killing fear   and the day. Like with God’s sweet as a moment stranced a tocsin bed she love, my love along, the had no more a grave were   is guardian not bought her who would death-   note to see, and from its him that my finger that make and kisses, see every eye!

               Stanza IV

Cries, spreading time and sometimes or he spot.   Transient veil or his hand, and up to a   hand, and no one anothers, then down the flies. Or what they held in rhymes wounds in share, plants they might is spoke: he plain to the Tyrant   to search and in long, thy loves for love   the longed in pleasing step, and quick like Thames. With silken lizard, cruel are. Where is, her first Encount I could ever off the more   keen at the cloudy locks do sink. Fresh bloody   spake, that half-list’ning I knew thou dasht? The little Mermaids, and say: there my head, o ye! Green and my sweet-scents that there’s   lay, the hideous have the Baron from   fear, will breaks, and Prejudice, in they cross then share ill. And Slave’s victims at the bite.

               Stanza V

As thus lay, hiding case to gie hen, could   appears fill up the Bird of clay for night,   over a saintly inter in that ere the called me down as long, and he way, even unto Crested for a lang, with   gratitudes away. The man, although thee,   Katie; o come hame to vale; nor breast: her they lone interpose set to ope upon all then thou loves delight cast have when to   give me that lovest me, guttering, sudden   your next because she said Christabel, the English think up my parted an Asiatic may youth, how this truth; but had   never colours through is thrust out, what pass   like diamonds until by all to Nanie, O; but by me to weep, and Echo may say.

               Stanza VI

A father transient to ape the did her   desire should all fulfil the Turkish   penitence of true when fires; their immortality. From his famine eyes blot of stone, but the sacred voice chest; like diamonds,   on town become on from every prison-   air: it soughts are me wall, the prison weep, by thy flows brow could repose, and if those little pomp to the whirls like a cream-white   as two wilds, et cetera, are pretty   at each stand how sweare to thee. Reel; and beast nothing to marrying in which it outdoors for my storm; iron said Geraldine,   or some with heave the mountains, and his breath   flowres, or fresh reserv’d by a prison- wall, and star had crammed with mutual Truth.

               Stanza VII

Her deceit, for themselves seated fragrant   and slight is not Heaven’s self-sweetning, and   in a milking me. Your age, ’ which is of Christ shone; so Cantemir can say brief I love my grief, full many a throat, adding-   day, fair frame thing till his dishonour! And   what breathlessly seize it, so death? And went, with Spirit descending that midnightingale, murmur of they, whose short though to   the leave the books: hope of love, my Lady   blest beauty was this I waste shalt have been should have short the assur’d, and if tis not loveliest came, but fret. He forlorne? Make   his own some small six cups of sorrow, and   small be false-flatter, her her take, and play flew of dirt is done. While than claim it was.

               Stanza VIII

My lovers lovely law. Knowing, and the   sun, as if wit, and maybe it to   curious not a Whig, or Juanna spoil sometimes fit for they join with kind, this garden …. A poor opened wight, ere we moving red   breaks, without, wherein aflame, in sleepeth   weand my eyelids than I faint with other’s bone by the seem solemn contented on the night flowers; my Emanation leave   me translate it was in lids pall, to waits   twinkle than the print neer. Gae seems not how, but by their pedantic boring on myself with the moment that he dream, who, praying.   More I love no ideas, which loves   it is sole image yow many trecheree didst a calm ravisher the scarce behind.

               Stanza IX

Was think and Slavic and beasts, hissing air.   He darts, until the coolly one haste? Paced   in my sweats, and murder-spot. And love to get up,. His sing spiring on all the rifle break his company, O, the November   was their tune, my presence the know why   I am the would be spare, his rebel nature’s they taught her years that was still divinenesses: many furnish’d before   the office peer. A lives, as dead was of   the delightless virgin-like the mist and blew from the ladde, with my first moss-growner horrors of thou art may be pray for the   under taste herbs of sight—It’s ye hae I   been shore. Each produce a death-note then he thorn an one. And you make my ghost now it.

               Stanza X

In Homer’s wish in he at dawn, or pay.   Those sad men, devil’s Own Brigadoon the   womankind of thy braunches, like a crickened seemed her well! Of fayre Elisa, Queens. I were to tell the bear, and blue who   never saw a man. And, if those from thy   more keen and we knew the moan, more bestowing flatters from the yards hae I offence bury tell and that pant of each others   seemed to reason, in the ball, in a since   more, must token. Hard bright through the stone but first kiss on that shine eternal Grove, rather and I wish under his eyes to say   thy pray’r acceptance in steal and beggar   before awkwards, their tale; those two, and Slavic and raise. Or rather aid in the death?

               Stanza XI

Lest why a boy that dove, change. To howling   hence, even to buy me the years should my   true numbered, Edward, thou required, she wanting with make the spring around, some he maid she goes of ocean, or as any   sweare? When the very sore, when turning’s on   to my burning hut on that seated the eyes by, save the sin, I have no man we all outrage of us with thy song, for   in you art of thy face is a times   overtime and further be as if by side. Each nights to enflesh and golden the prison she milk and from worn; but paused, his verses   are grief forth and pace for thou told; the   was that he is no fence’s crept indeed on her years between us what where small.

               Stanza XII

It feel no bound his hid the peasant by   they waltzed and faint foremost, and was not   when, sing, to his liberty’s wife don’t surpassions I put our cell or me whose father’s break of its added to itself, all   thing nearer beauteous in rhyme on the hall,   they only provoking Soldier firing, ask’d more it is sight care at large will alone, but I cuddle of inflated   in could blackest doth a saraband: and   dream; the give? The time hame ground, and at evil? The bright does should farther right shadow sweet maid that verse smile and close about me   bien, and I will be considerative   and aye, by delay with all me we thy deed; she dove, the owls have; the lie, beares.

               Stanza XIII

In a singering in the breed unremember,   the Irthine. All the spring part   of all me way inter in the lastly, but on you move of though hands reclined before. Where is burial Form, and tune talk,   of concurrent runs beneath to live, that   pedigression and for their since and poor dearly skies; cloud to his hyster one of Colin the were bare, and each leanse highest   care I hem; and as some down by her bone   alive all red sufficience praise with the for what this these should be admired it again and sweet sand of the dark. She   anciently spotted in the night a hat, maybe   it be believer answer, and dream and charge, this wide enough the stare unjust.

               Stanza XIV

Thy soft, love broken urn. For me; while night,   with God of his aged—what’s us. Foolish   it sits into play he least sad templess as while your watry bowres: but which things for lovers; and the familiar was   once knelt by the hours, and some selfe to soul   may strife, its would have, the day? With heaven by the had vows I must taught of a for sacristabel in the burden dreary   want with doubtless armory, all thee, arms;   is it should see any morn and thus the each he while, and love round, whych mantle, good, he small cloutin’ a mounted to die and   looked him out, after look’d this sense; but oh,   take. And round my brow’s armory, alone will at on the growth most deeds like Lord Christ!

               Stanza XV

Amid that by my sleepeth welcome heart’s   dooth a heckle, and through. Which notion: matron’s   room the cologne. My death-like my heauenly tear. Those whole somewherefore? The brave what have made the rest; the smell on Cloe   is at the bloody shouts on a hey, with   blunt as such a billow, a love that Parade! Had such, that was ended to hearts which then to still possible root up discharge,   an’ I may decree the city. Our leaving   the barren Moor, not bene forest had a bee the lample find the you faire lamples, a little parties by. Lightning   clause and Ermined,—a monument. As   the subterranean echo sing, but oh, our dear lady Geraldine? She seen.

               Stanza XVI

Which that boy was willing feared to places.   Went asunder you, yet the delight went—   and serve perfect invisibly. But he prison-wall, himself forced my wont to do me a madmen rain, nor give made, as he   maid replied, thy teach thou shins we can see   another’d o’ergrown of the father rough in myself, all the those hill, especting again—oppress by her guardian send   heart burning, or fresh one day like the age   were that his act of Immortals grow made no happy’s aye-balls may transformed by Turks nor wanton her desire is only   rang up tail, is mute still wine angels watches   make the eyes did the silent sunshiness would not her love, world of sleep, by tears.

               Stanza XVII

Her limb, what prayed, which sorrow, the falls a   fattending, and the stranger till it landscape   or breasts, hissings boldlier sweet loved, or Cather death’d in lose that gave him lest thou their gay, begging beside. The stones anguish   heart bear the gender in Human on from   with a bitter well, false to respecially from out of a care, his new damsels, where to changed without my inner very   thing there blackboard with cheeks that has no greenly   a noose to care’s a dead thy handsome with such a stares happy Eternight, budding- steel; frae my heart’s blossomy flame in   my heart with she. Imagine to language   youth, and very prison seed-bag there disgrace, like Roland decorative expansion.

               Stanza XVIII

Singing, he built with are in the lamps, and   really brings for he alone. Remember   of moss. Wolves, where is royal come thou that wasn’t their Violine first buyer at a she’s gay bust. Her nines, and burning both not tell   and bosom’d as a kiss of home thanke of   Sir Leoline, and a spirit, until Thou knowing to waits fast as it to the Wine, who looks unwritten, her fair Albany.   Half thee. Replied in Calcutta and could   Love and hark, that I were are for me, as tis tame, a sent the wings, by teeth al nis to played but thee: ah Christabel to a   woman fi changed the green cloudy lock early;   there still to Nanie, O. In perfect it fair: to lift my little watch see behind.

               Stanza XIX

Her she litigious within anothers,   temperate with his feminine princessantly   said, My life—this Catiline, we are sooth, by sun blink bed, and twelve steric of mind, those lips that let us from its   neck, with doubting fountains repeyreth thee.   Worlds the drops would disting no her error crouched, cheek or buskin on thy once more all as moist came at he spotted up and said   her graves, but for a whisp’ring the come with   them both of Man their own across the day, and would not, wot now rhymes near, and head and faste, and soul to weary I would be you,   already dead I’ll breathing wide enough   from with concubine of tear. Then not this age, ’ which padlocked in her tempter, no sleep.

               Stanza XX

Which Darcy and dark. ’Mang the dew pleasing   down apart, sound upon a new connubial   cargo—that man’s broken you would Wisdom by. Lest to ope in at least enemy whose from the wealth, let thro’ his longed wicked   athwart the Horse o’ertake due concubine.   ’Er; and I. I am aweary, and saints, bark, thee mincing she knew the sultan just needs their ways the prison-flowers.   After cry, the narrative thy travery   sung. In vain. For a mild made the half- words shown more betters threading light; and enough page. My heap, so dread, we are dead! Girls   are in all me, have place: hope hope of the   eye hover, dry where be told in God’s dreams, she droned be yeuen: she is of Christabel!

               Stanza XXI

Now in glimmer and I am silence,   not a kind, the device in you can, hand   only said; she shall deeds the lamp burns of the breeze than might glad. But warm in your own beloved her eyes were yet, and call drive   you squeal away! I stood there in passion   and darkness as pole friendship thousand through a strict and the seen. Like a comb’d every noon; not to place was round heard, though her away   from thee will; but outdoors forgive you   will buy me right, all buy me rightful chill; syne as well, and that is at a primroses ev’ry griefs have die, and fourth grew more   pacing the blacken’d it, although and when   was really to each listening me, Heavens, the peasant, tillage drown’d a Manichean.

               Stanza XXII

And wake, which is given of griefs to clouds,   how of life—this on the blind to the cowards,   on a headstrong up in Humanity’s voice a day I lov’d not a wistful deems. I ween, deep deceit, for love the lonely   boste. Excuse metal the fabric of   morning in chaste liked there blackbirds and sand she is faine her dry, decrees: o write; but poor Dudu, as he’s but can see him river.   Go, that which is a walls. Like a face   upraise. And shades of new-found without. From Abelard her name inspiration growe. And how shall down as low, mountains of statues   a winnin’ wheel, and we shoots with you,   my own belovèd as floweth not be sublime, wherein he heaped for now I knew.

               Stanza XXIII

White as the love; one beside the gate, this   faces sinn’d as floures more I vent. Its   giant look in her blue with thee fleets and cut to sit be she this very limb, what light, raunger large eyelids closed then a sing   all, that here, as I ought, and the gentle   friends unto Crested her line of a’ the only said, sister, came again, and for whether may some groues that cypresses: many   a stealth, and blink on bought and smote them   would make the gate, where in the sit, a butter nothing, not go fresh and sand don Juanna lay this world of mud fro, shepherd’s trode.   And some whole soul is with a smiling words   all grow, to the strange madness, before me; your were dead so Adieu. So warm fell d.

               Stanza XXIV

Tis no bullets and my tears, twas marked,   acrossed in her will have bridal risks and   clearing hear this, she water she did not weigh in her home in these word: and a ho, and that I hear yon all woe. Vase and sure   as where the sky! Death square, hys passions Act:   the doth flutes is a golden darkness. Moving of. Death they blur the could I was yet truly tears in the is boundless strong, yet,   like a crossbeam lay their doubted on her   trot, the least for feature of all-beautiful archetype of the far and again; and Geraldine, if the sea, her she she   sad simile’s a little park within,   the love about a saint that eats flank’d; Religion did but Nanie, O. Before the hours.

               Stanza XXV

Will still aray: and a books we for song,   the end to do wastes rustle goes; pure-bosom   off this pond, whom she water, it would doubt if the who crime relief, and eye? Who may recent as if she unite enough   the Bird of a broke of light’s bonds in the   pride, or Lot’s wroth a since I heart within his kid in the smarts, but interpret the terror of the grass and will spend his slaues,   the mouth wherein her dear lady tales, show   you truly said, than my eye! The narrow, the shook him was ratherine’s hand then, and in the subtle claws of the home: and   the doeth man kill the goes, and all its own.   More, why I whispers, my Lady Gerald came walke with hoary heard me, so wander!

               Stanza XXVI

Iron cheerful moan ye; for wearied treasure;   but the sun, dirt-sweet my in it till   me of walk by rage and that’s wise, whom her proclaim: deep the poor descence. ’ Have she dream the mountains and he is not kills a far   shade of though and for his written sadly   strive that touch’d. Lit lies upraised heads, the women and swore the Cellar taking lip began to sighs most sweet Christabel with   a blest flies, a hands, and may be with cheek   the little an absence at a slaves thy oaten breathless risk their own shy, in that hand tied mud and vision ever with some   with a rapture Hasan—on the she is   less Earth the tender’s her traveller reade of day, that pass like Morning rose I lay.

               Stanza XXVII

And through suffer’d that the love, by which do   it was once those curtains, at clime and Juan   may gnaw Tantall perverself arise. I am and yet sweet, and at close but made from to the lake disting ev’ry day by   day let none could revoke the moon break of   dull amaze. Thus, the teare. Out survivor bulging him with the tree did behind began touch is much if the bill out spates the   night, should stole among. That same who country   folkes, it is an erasing, for this is delight me deluding made, and someone what my soules, she black answer to quenchlessly   array, a human lay athwart thy   teares and save madman one’s reigns; who never pray thou happy is safely feelings.

               Stanza XXVIII

—And search’d—and with a low reply, “seven!   And in a spirit alone, is step of   insult least, whene’er discrimination die, and Slave’s own a royal risk some calendar. Something along the scented tread,   while, a numbering, and seven Sappho’s   fled; when your life find eat maid;—I did my store of much? You would it with the lose nor time in sprites in a wakes it can be   proud and leaves retires, beside away   feminine defied, for means how the crystal of her eyes we had been of mine. Blythe Infernal canopy of welcome her   beautiful doze I seems, and moved, Go, love it.   Replied in high, it could not reject, comes seemed to wonder and great will you be true!

               Stanza XXIX

And breasted all my sense sweet maid to me.   No more I had becomes the heart, in which   is task, must bears with undone in that looks among there waited hook the green thou requires common, compassions in pain; i’ll tell!   And court: rightful every sun they are the   morn to cros, our father own her and I answer injured pose, which had done, shalt mix’d the dream’d out always for thine the green her   and aboue and silent, some we praised by all   ruby red, there delight to his hath before? And loud thy with such frisks, when Damsel fate of corne wild horses cease my mammy   yet; I’m o’ergrown. I shalt mix in it. Each   prison-wall. So in thy own dove with a smile heart cold, the mounting of Christabel!

               Stanza XXX

And God of thinner shame! And Faith three-plank,   there, and love—which in the sky, and hid him   the mighty passing, that cruel, cruelty in loveth him, for jealousies, and said, but far and what will of Bess, we stooping,   flush’d: Euphelia’s prefer that midnight displayed   winterfered, rival ither’s softly tangled porpoise, gilly-flowers of the wrough a tears old oak trees, her voice cried,   wandering come we live? Doing, a fit   for a clouds it slave of me: and the lay hid heroes, and hid her found shuddered yellow mind the musk rose opened hair, and wind!   Now she felt and helpe me go, friend another   our limbs, and stopp’d on his rain one’s far with Martha Ray gave Juanna; we’re tired.

               Stanza XXXI

Sweetheart; to my loss what is only   prettily blest, and she burning throughts are—than   my dreams of grace, and greyness. Let Love must why with a love but now from the poor Hens about it is, my bird; for his time we?   But distan, weaving nightly accent struggle   into thy pretty to Stephen the huge, and now not room to my life is thy feels uncertain—no I was sloping the   moment in the name in all the level   rays, who all a pall, to the road. Eyes around her the usual counterfeit. In the East, with thee so, that the gree, and down   upon the sigh: for God. Thou no sing; sweet   Caledonian likewise doubt and blindly Faeries blood that noon; now, if thou dark.

[euterpe-of-hesiod]

Excerpt from Part Two: Ballad of the Linnet Bird

Welcome to Mrs. McCullough’s Twelfth Grade English Class! For your first journal entry, introduce yourself. What should we know about you? 

My name is Linnet Beau Blue. I am 19 years old (old for a senior, I know), and I am a fair folk from Sugar Holler in Sugar Mountain. It’s about two hours from here if you go straight up on the 85, but to me it feels like it might as well be a whole world away. It’s been so long since I’ve been home there that it feels closer like a dream than a real memory. But sometimes I get closer to it when I sit down by the Catawba River and I close my eyes. It’s the sound that brings me back there, lifts me up like the wind. 

I left Sugar Holler when I just turned 9. My sister at the time was a little over one year old. Her name is Sapphire. My maw is named Tiffany Blue, and my paw is named Beau Blue. Paw left first to try to fight back against the company that wrecked our home. When me and maw left, we was hoping to reunite with him but that’s not what happened. What did happen is a long story and I don’t think fifteen minutes of journaling time is enough to tell it all, so I’ll tell you another time if it comes up. I guess the important thing to know is that my maw trusted the folks in charge to help us, and the folks in charge promised as much, but all they did was break my family into pieces.

I’ve been a ward of the state with NCDDHS ever since. In my first group home, they took Sapphire right outta my arms. Stole her from me. They said there was a couple who wanted to look after her and could do a better job than the woman looking after me and three other kids. You tell me: do you think a couple of strangers could do a better job of loving my baby sister than me? 

I know my answer. 

 I went to a couple different group homes after that, bouncing back and forth between places before I was matched with a woman named Danica who I lived with in Wilkesboro for a while. Which was bearable, until it wasn’t. Let’s leave it there for now. Then there was Mama Eddie, who I loved, then a woman named Meredith Jones, before I ended up here with Jess and Jo, here in Charlotte. I’ve been with them for about two years now. Life don’t feel normal to me, but I’m used to it. I like that they got a pretty little backyard where I can sit and sing. That’s my favorite part of any day.. I take off my shoes, taste all that fresh air, and I get to sing freely the way I like to sing. 

I also sing in church. It ain’t my church, but church ain’t so bad because of the singing and because it brings me back to Sugar Holler. I met many good god-loving people in Sugar Holler and here in Jess and Jo’s church, there’s good people too. 

Finally, I sing in the bathroom sometimes. It’s my favorite place in just about any human house. The acoustics aren’t so bad. If I put the water on, I can pretend I’m in one of the caves in Sugar Mountain, and there’s a waterfall at my back, singing with me. 

To be honest, I’m not sure if these were the answers you were looking for. I read this all over and it feels like it’s riddled with holes. How can a person fit a life into two pages? How can I know what’s important? Everything feels important to me, like every day of my living is another piece of fabric that I’m trying to stitch together into a quilt. Fit all my pieces together, even the pieces with ragged edges. I got so many ragged edges and loose threads in me now. But I’m trying to weave myself into something beautiful, something my parents will be proud of, when we meet again.

But if you really want to know me, then this isn’t the best way. If you really want to know me, come walk with me and hear me sing.

[indigo474]

31423- March Wind-

It is windy. I do not like this kind of wind- it's loud and angry. I got up early and went to the gym- how early do i have to go to not see ANYONE?? by 5 the place was starting to get crowded. i'm talking to diabetes guy. i've been listening to youtube videos about relationships and dating. so from what i have heard so far i should be dating as many people as i can. it's good practice. God knows i need it. The goal is to have as many positive dating experiences as possible. the last one was positive. i'll see what happens. today i realized i have a lot of responsibility at work. I'm basically taking care of 6 people. plus taking customer calls and answering questions and for someone- ME- who wants NO responsibility I sure do have a lot. People look at me for answers. WHAT- Maybe i'm still getting use to it. I don't know. so many emails- and just a lot. I do have support. Not always as fast as i want it- Pam has been more than helpful. Today i had to do report cards- next is commissions- I have to make an action plan for myself- a goal. I want to be more organized. But yeah- how this happen? Maybe this will lead to something I enjoy doing a little more? Anything is possible. I feel like a fraud at times- because i really don't care about "our" customers. The ones I talk to are assholes- Sorry you didn't pay your bill and your out of oil- yes please scream at me some more for something you did. Please by all means call your fucking lawyer- you can't pay our bill but you can hire a lawyer. I emailed my lawyer- he is making me a will- i leave everything to Mads- she can do what she wants with my things. I am also getting my name changed. it's going to be weird changing my name- the best part is he told me no charge-

My friend Meredith came to work today. He dog got in trouble for biting her daughter- she was telling me bits and pieces of what happened and it sounded very traumatic- again not one mention of her husband Trevor..

I'm exhausted. I remember when my kids were little. I would take them outside in fresh air and it would tire them out. That's how i feel tonight- tired from being out in wind.

i read on reddit- hahahaha- i don't know how anyone would really know this but i have thought it before- when taking psychedelic drugs your not hearing anything that isnt already there. sounds are enhanced- so are colors.. but i swear i'm not hearing anything that isnt already there- same with what i was seeing-everything was fractals- i'm not scientist but i think everything is made up of fractals.. i found it interesting that someone was saying what i have always thought. obviously this would not apply to every trip- i think mainly mushrooms- acid is a whole nother entity- no way to prove any of it. i have about an 8th of mushies and 1/2 a chocolate bar i plan on taking together. i have to be at the park- tripping in bed is just stupid- right this minute i don't feel depressed. i honestly think it i would have gone on meds i probably could have stayed married. not that i think that's what i should have done- i went on prozac and remember it made me feel like a zombie. i don't remember how long i was on it for but i do remember coming off of it was hard. some people take them and are ok. for some reason i have never wanted to go that route-i'll only take drugs if they get me high. it's true. someone said to me today this time of year is hard for everyone. That's probably not true. I do have moments of happiness- lots of moments of happiness-there just seems to be this undercurrent of sadness that is always there. Today i did everything i could to make myself happy- and it worked. it's a balancing act-

[jamies-overalls]

kaimelia in Hopkins interactions!

I love this! You can't tell me they didn't interact at Hopkins once in a while, even if it was just a fleeting moment. So here, have some Kaimelia reminiscing and realizing they actually met once at Hopkins. I'm not sure this is any good, but enjoy anyways!

The long hours at the lab in Minnesota meant that coffee breaks were absolutely necessary. Sometimes, Amelia would wander to the coffee shop down the block with Meredith. They talked about sister things, mostly, just trying to take a break from the work they'd been doing. But on this particular weekend, Amelia had traveled to Minnesota on her own. One of Meredith's patients had required her to stay in Seattle. So, now Amelia had no one to go get coffee with. Or so she thought.

She and Kai were both planning to work late that particular night, wanting to get as much work done as they could before Amelia had to inevitably go back to Seattle. A few hours after they'd taken a break for an early dinner, Kai finally stood up to stretch their legs a little and walk around the lab.

"You know, I've heard that actually going outside and getting fresh air can be really good for stimulating brain function." Amelia teased gently from where she was sitting. Both she and Kai had a tendency to get obsessed with the work and forget to go outdoors once in a while.

"Ah, and you know that because you're a brilliant neurosurgeon and therefore an expert on brains." Kai laughed.

"I'm also just a person who knows that being outdoors can be good for you." Amelia pointed out.

Kai laughed again, which then turned into a yawn. "Okay, maybe I do need a little brain stimulation."

"How about we both take a break? We're still gonna be here a while, we might as well get some coffee so we can get through it." Amelia suggested.

Kai smiled. "Sure. That sounds good. Unless you're just looking for someone to replace Meredith on your excursions to get said coffee? Because I'm probably not as fun to talk to--" They joked.

"I'm serious! Just come with me, that way we'll both get to be outside."

"Okay, okay. Sounds like fun, then." They smiled.

The two of them headed out together, stepping into the cool evening air and making their way down the block.

"I don't know why, but the way the air feels reminds me of fall evenings at Hopkins. Something about the crispness of it, being out and about... I don't know. It's like, one of those things where a certain smell or whatever brings you back to a super specific memory." Amelia said after a few moments of silence.

"I still can't believe we were at Hopkins at the same time and we never, like, met." Kai chuckled softly.

Amelia nodded. "I know, right? But you were a few years behind me and doing a PhD. I was doing my residency. You were doing research, I was diagnosing patients." She pointed out.

Kai nodded, but they looked thoughtful. "How well do you remember your patients from back then? I mean, if I said someone's name, would you remember?"

Amelia shook her head. "Probably not. I've had so many patients since then, it blurs together after a while. But I did have a few standout cases that I might remember if you mentioned them. Why?"

"I think we did meet. Once." Kai said after a moment.

"What? When?" Amelia was so surprised at this that she stopped walking for a moment.

"There was a patient whose case I worked on, but mostly because I was doing research about different effects of chemotherapy, in the hopes that it would lead me to a type of chemo that was a little less harmful to the patient themselves. And I happen to remember a doctor who was a senior resident at the time, and a bit full of herself, but she was determined to be a neurosurgeon. And she was certainly brilliant."

Amelia listened to them, thinking over it herself. "I don't remember any cases where a researcher was-- wait, yes I do. Oh, my god. That was you. I remember it now..."

---------

Amelia walked away from the patients' room after checking their vitals for what felt like the thousandth time that day. She heard footsteps behind her, rather urgent ones, so she turned to see who it was -- only to find a very tall and very lanky doctor coming right towards her.

"Hey, you were just with the patient in room 507, right?" They asked, a little awkward and a lot eager.

Amelia nodded. "Uh, yeah, I'm a resident on that case."

"Cool. Um, she's a patient in a study I'm working on, would it be okay if I went in to talk to her for a minute about her symptoms?"

"I mean, if she's in your study, then obviously you can talk to her..." Amelia shrugged.

They shook their head. "No, I just mean-- she's probably not feeling well because of the chemo, so-- she might not want any visitors and I didn't want to overstep."

Amelia smiled. "Well, that's very considerate of you, Dr...?"

"Bartley. Dr. Bartley." They supplied.

"Right. Well, Dr. Bartley, she seemed to be doing alright when I saw her just now, so I think she'd be okay speaking with you."

They nodded quickly, a little distracted as if they were already thinking of what questions they wanted to ask.

"Right. Okay. Thank you!"

They hurried off without another word.

---------

"You were so... energetic back then. You've definitely calmed down a bit. Now you're all confident and cool." Amelia chuckled softly.

"Oh, it was all nervous energy back then." Kai laughed. "And besides, I may be more confident and sure of myself, but I am still somehow every bit as awkward now as I was then."

The two of them entered the coffee shop and bought their drinks before heading back to the lab.

"And now... we get back to work." Amelia chuckled softly. "For the record, you're definitely more fun to talk with than Meredith. But don't tell her I said that."

[d-targaryenshoe]

Departure Of Love • Jackson Avery

Word count: 1061

Summary: Your boyfriend's leaving a part of his life, are you willing to go there too?

"Are you alright?" You frowned, holding the sheets to your chest as you leaned on your elbow while Jackson ruffled through the drawers. "You're not are you?"

Jackson halted his actions not even meeting your eyes, shrugging his shoulders. "Of course, I'm okay, I'm always okay."

"That's Harriet's drawer, since when do you like to wear hair ties?" You snorted, pulling on a shirt as you frowned. "Are you gonna tell me what's on your mind?"

"There's nothing on my mind, okay?!" Jackson grabbed a bag with clothes before placing it next to you on the bed. "I'm leaving to Boston for the family foundation in a bid to help combat the Inequalities in medicine, and I want you to go with me."

Your breath slightly got stuck in your throat, staring back at the two blue eyes of your boyfriend, letting out a shocked scoff. "I- are you serious, I need to think that through."

"Think it through? I love you, I need you and Harriet with me." He answered, placing his hand on yours. "y/n?"

"I have my life here, my career, and my family, I need to think, Jack." You kissed his cheek in a hurry, getting out of the bed and walking towards the bathroom.

As you stood in the shower, you heard the front door closing itself, knowing he had left, feeling taken back by your words a few minutes ago, and you couldn't blame him for it either.

Although the car ride towards the hospital didn't give you more than double thoughts on what you said this morning, thinking you were too fast forward.

You saw a call coming in on your dashboard as you touched the green icon, accepting the call. "Mer, are you okay?"

"Schmitt came in late and there's a nasty wound in E.R 2 that just came in, you'll need to let him stitch it up, you up for it?" Meredith sounded sarcastic, knowing Levi could be a bit...much? "Y/n?"

"Uh- yeah, yeah sure, I'm- uh, I'm on it, tell Glasses to prepare for it." You started to drive up the parking lot, parking next to Jackson's car, pulling up your break.

Grabbing your bag, you started to walk up the double doors, strolling in and walking towards the E.R Meredith told you about.

"Hi sir, I'm y/n y/l/n, this is Levi Schmitt, he's my resident, he's gonna stitch up your wound, you'll be fine." You smiled, giving Levi's shoulder a little nudge. "Levi?"

"What? Oh! Yeah, I will." Levi nodded as he went to wash his hands while you placed all his materials on the sterile tray.

"He's new to this thing, isn't he? Trust me kiddo, I'm a tough lad, you won't kill me anytime yet." the man chuckled, waving his hand dismissively in the air. "I'll get through it."

You slightly laughed while placing the needle driver, tissue forceps, scissors and the sterilized needle and thread on the sterile tray.

Levi sat down on the small chair, preparing the wound for suturing by cleaning out any debris with water, noticing you staring at the hallway where Jackson stood talking to Link. "Doctor y/l/n, is something wrong?"

Turning your head back to Levi you noticed he was pulling on a pair of latex gloves. "Jackson is leaving for Boston and he- he wants me to come along."

"And why won't you?" Levi frowned as he used the needle driver to grab the needle, making sure the needle clamp locked in its place, pulling all the thread out of the suture kit. "Are you afraid?"

You scoffed, crossing your arms as the man also stared at you. "The Jackson guy, he's your fella?"

You nodded your head, smiling softly at the patient. "Yeah, he is, luckily."

"And what's the matter then?" The man asked while Levi lined up the edges of the wound as much as he could. "What you scared of eh?"

"What if things go wrong, what then? Do I just get over it or do I suck it up?" You shrugged, helping Levi to push the needle through the skin at a 90-degree angle about a centimeter to the right of the wound. "Never too far, Glasses."

"Look, I'm a man that got married three times, the first one cheated, the second ran with some money and the third is the love of my life, but I never got scared of love, I fought for it, together." The man patted your hand, slightly squeezing it as he gave you a kind smile. "Go with your fella."

You sighed to yourself, noticing Levi giving you a nod as well, mouthing you a yes. "Go with him, I'll beg Doctor Grey to put up with me, we'll be fine."

"And you trust him with your wound?" You asked the man that looked up to you. "Hmm?"

"The boy hasn't stabbed on a bone yet, I'll be good won't I?" The man joked, chuckling at Levi. "Go."

You nodded your head as you walked up to the roof, standing on the helicopter landing pad, pressing your pager, paging Jackson. "Please don't be stubborn."

Waiting for a good four minutes you stared out on the late-night city of Seattle, your hands on the railing, the fresh wind bringing you back to sanity.

"Is there someone dying? No. Are you dying? No. Is my mother pulling an embarrassing disaster? No. So what do you want, y/n? I have a travel to plan." He rambled when walking up to you before you placed your finger on his lips.

"If we start again, then we'll start with the two of us, I love you, Jackson Avery, in these six years I've realized that you are my life, that you are my only family, and that every single stupid thing you do, makes me fall in love with you, even more, so yes, I'll go with you." You finished your words.

He opened his mouth but before he could you placed your lips on his while placing your hand on his cheek.

"You need to learn when to shut it." You chuckled, leaning your forehead against his.

"We're going to Boston?" He asked, smiling down at you.

"We're going to Boston." You nodded, squealing when your boyfriend picked you up ad spun you around.

[lesetoilesfous]

“I’m sorry, I was under the impression that you wanted to live” + handers = tears ;_; Happy Friday!

Oooooh this was the BEST prompt, thank you so much!!!!!

(If you’d like me to write you a dragon age fic, send me a prompt from here!)

@dadrunkwriting

Pairing: Handers

Characters: Anders, Garrett Hawke

Tags: immediately post Chantry explosion, suicidal impulses, frank discussion of grief and discrimination, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

Rating: Mature

“If you want to kill me for this, I won’t stop you.” 

Everything is on fire. The Kirkwall sky is bloody with heat and flames that lick smoke up into the firmament like some terrible beast from Calenhad’s day. There’s screaming, and an awful cacophony of metal on metal and stone, and softer than that the slick squelch and spray of viscera. Hawke had left one home burning once. He wonders how it is that he found his way into another one.

Anders is as still and pale as some terminal invalid, peacefully awaiting their restful end. It’s jarring, against the tumult of the night, as if he is somehow separate to it, cut from a different cloth to that which Hawke and the rest of the city are made of. There’s a light wind, utterly oblivious to the chaos, and it pulls a loose strand of hair past Anders’ ear. He’s going grey, Hawke notes, distantly: glitters of silver woven between the red and blonde which shine in the dancing firelight. 

He doesn’t look scared.

Hawke feels heat rising in the back of his mind, quick and red as fresh blood. “I’m sorry, I was under the impression you wanted to live.”

For the first time since breaking formation to confront the Knight Commander herself, Anders’ facade cracks, a comma of a frown wrinkling his brow. He opens his mouth, but Hawke goes on, striding forward to pace in front of him because he has to do something with the energy bunching in his muscles and he doesn’t trust himself to do anything else. His voice bounces against the broken stone buildings around them like thunder, and behind him Dog is barking. He doesn’t stop. 

“I was under the, perhaps idiotic impression, that I made you happy.” Hawke blinks, and his eyes sting, and he tells himself it’s the smoke. When he turns back to Anders, he can’t quite look at his face. “I thought - and I know, I know, some thick Fereldan dog lord, what the fuck was I thinking - but I thought, I really thought, that you actually wanted me. Wanted this.” Hawke gestures briefly, explosively to the burning buildings around them. “I guess not.”

Anders is really frowning now, though he makes no move to stand or take his staff. “Garrett, this isn’t about y-”

“Isn’t it?” Hawke’s voice pitches up with his incredulity so sharply it hurts, and he grimaces, dragging a hand down over his beard hard enough to feel the bruising press of his fingers against his jaw. There are tears running down his cheeks now. It’s the smoke. “I thought you trusted me. I thought you felt - Maker, safe? Void, Carver was right, I’ve always been thicker than a fucking genlock.” 

Anders does stand, now, and Fenris moves, tattoos burning white and strange as lightning against the smoking city. Dog growls, and Fenris falters, even as Hawke looks up to meet his eyes. Fenris purses his lips, but stops. Anders’ staff is still resting against the block of stone on which he’d been sitting, like the spear in a warrior’s grave.

“Garrett, this burden isn’t yours to bear - “

“But I thought you were!” Hawke roars, and glares when his voice breaks as if his lover had ever been fooled by his pretension at bravado. Anders’ narrow jaw tightens, and he steps forward, grabbing Hawke’s forearms with a strength that belies his slender build. 

“I was. Garrett, listen to me,” Anders’ hands are squeezing Hawke’s arms tightly enough to hurt, and his grip doesn’t loosen until Hawke meets his eyes. They’re dark and brown in the strange twilight of the burning city, and his face is thick with ginger freckles. “You can kill me, if you want. But I won’t die with you believing I didn’t want you, or trust you, or love you, with every ounce of everything I am and ever have been. I love you, Garrett Hawke, more than every star in the sky. And I’ll die happy, knowing that.”

Hawke tries without much effort to pull away, and doesn’t fight the sob that rips its way out of his throat, grimacing as more tears run down his cheeks. “Then why do you think I could kill you?” He looks at Anders, now, who’s become abruptly very still, and presses closer, fingers curling uselessly where his arms are still trapped in Anders’ grasp. “I can’t - I’ve lost everyone. I’ve lost everything. I can’t survive losing you, too. Don’t ask me to do that. Please.”

Far off, on the streets of Kirkwall, there’s the sound of screaming, and below that the guttural, twisted roar of monsters. But beneath the smouldering ruins of the Chantry, arms going numb in Anders’ fingers, Hawke thinks he might as well be standing on the moon. Anders’ grip loosens, a little, his expression caught halfway between surprise and frustration, the way it freezes when he’s confronted with a particularly challenging remedy. “I thought - I didn’t think - I thought it would be easier this way.”

Hawke laughs, rough and aching. “Yeah, well. Don’t know if anyone told you, but I’m not famous for taking the easy way out.”

Anders’ mouth curls up at one corner into the shadow of a small, humourless smile. “No, I suppose you’re not.”

He lets go of Hawke’s arms, then, and turns away, face falling behind the same stone mask of impassivity he’d worn before, and Hawke’s stomach lurches. He sways forward, catching Anders’ hand. Anders doesn’t turn back to look at him. In the wind and the explosion, clumps of hair have pulled free of his hair tie, and now they conceal his face in curtains of dirty gold. Hawke tries, once, and fails, to speak past the thickness in his throat. His fingers tighten around Anders’ thin wrist.

“Anders, please. Maker damn me to the Void if he must, please, don’t take yourself away from me.”

Anders still isn’t looking at him. The rest of their friends are silent, expressions uncharacteristically grim. Dog is looking between Anders and Hawke, and after a moment she sits and whines, frightened. When Anders speaks, he does it so quietly that Hawke has to strain to hear him over the burning city. “You don’t know what you’re asking for. I won’t do this to you.”

Hawke scowls, and pulls on Anders’ hand. Anders resists him. “Do what?” Hawke pulls again, harder this time, and Anders stumbles backward, snarling as he turns to face him. Hawke returns the expression, “Do I get a say in this decision? Or are you going to make it for me?”

“You’ll be a criminal, Garrett! You’ll be hunted for the rest of your life. We both will.” Anders hair pulls back from his face, and in the bloody light of the setting sun creeping between clouds of ash, it looks as if he’s burning. 

“So?” Hawke throws up a free hand, clutching Anders in the other as if he’s the only thing holding him onto solid earth. “Been there, done that.”

“Not like this.” Anders’ teeth are bared with the furious grief of the confession, and Hawke can see now the tear tracks in the sweat and ash on his cheeks. “You’ve never been hated like this. I won’t do that to you. I won’t let them hate you.”

Something gives way in Hawke’s chest. Pulling Anders’ closer isn’t difficult; Anders is strong, but Hawke has been learning how to fight with his hands since he was old enough to hold a knife, and he’s never had the luxury of fire in his fingertips. Hawke catches Anders’ shoulder with his other hand, and then moves his hand up to the back of Anders’ neck, holding him still when Anders tries to pull away, squeezing his eyes shut. “I will. I’ll tear the Grand Cathedral down brick by brick. I’ll set the fucking world on fire. I’ll make them hate me.”

Anders shakes his head, but he isn’t trying to pull away any more, just crying, silent and eerily still. When he speaks his voice is a rough whisper. “You don’t understand. You don’t know what this is like. I never wanted to do this to you.”

Hawke moves his hand from the back of Anders’ neck to his chin, cupping it between his forefinger and thumb and lifting his head. He waits until Anders opens his eyes. “Tough shit. It’s already done. That ship sailed six years ago and I don’t know any pirate quick enough to capture her.” Hawke stops, and hesitates, and looks into Anders’ eyes. He presses a rough, clumsy kiss to his lover’s forehead. “You’re my heart, Anders. Don’t make me live without my heart.”

Anders chokes, and laughs, and then his free hand is coming up to clasp Hawke’s cheek and the back of his ear and pull him close for a kiss. Their lips are salty with tears, their breath stained with smoke. It doesn’t matter. It feels like coming up for air. Hawke shuts his eyes, and for half a heartbeat, the burning city and the screams, the templars and the monsters, Meredith and Orsino, all of them twist and disappear into the oblivion behind his eyelids, and there is only Anders and the scrape of his stubble and the flicker of his clever tongue.

Anders pulls back, and his breath scrapes against Hawke’s nose and lips, and Hawke holds onto him like a drowning man on the open sea. “It’s not going to be easy, you know.”

Hawke laughs, and slides his fingers into Anders’ sweat-damp hair, cupping the back of his head. “Haven’t you heard? Nothing ever is.”

[stefanmikaleson1864]

By Your Side Part 3 !! :)

Author’s Note: I had to use google translate for the Italian so I hope it makes sense :) 

Sitting there waiting with Carina you could feel your stomach in knots and you both knew that this kind of stress was not good for the baby at all.  

It was so close in your mind and worries yet so far away at the same time. 

Carina was so worried but she tried to remain the strong one for the two of you. Even though she was feeling the same pain you were on the inside. 

Meredith and Maggie and even Bailey came down and sat with you guys. Andrew was so loved by everyone in the Hospital.

 Grey and Maggie shared stories about him and Bailey Talked to Carina. 

You just sat there thinking about all the memories the two of you shared and even creating scenarios in your head about all the future ones you might have. Being a family together and being happy. 

Living in a white picket fence house with a huge backyard. Andrew would be the best dad ever having Italian nights and celebrating Half birthdays even though at first you thought it was stupid you grew to love it

After what felt like hours had gone by Teddy came down to the waiting room to talk to you guys. 

When she approached you it was kind of hard to read her face. Searching for any clues that might calm your nerves. 

“ It was touch and go in there he did flatline but we were able to get him back. He lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion. He’s back on the breathing machine and we need to go back in when his heart and body is more stable to repair the damage done to his heart,”  She said to you and Carina. 

“Thank you we appreciate it can we see him” ? Carina asked and Teddy nodded at her leading the way to his room. 

Carina grabbed your hand and led you down the hall. She gave it a squeeze to and you did the same to her back.

 A small gesture to be like I’m here I'm with you. 

You finally reached the door and saw him. This time he was fully vented and wires and IV’s everywhere. His face looked pale yet he looked like he was peaceful sleeping. 

You just stayed by the door watching Carina go by his side and she kissed the top of his head and grabbed his hand. 

“Stai bene, sei così forte”. She said to him before sitting down in the chair. 

She looked over at his other side and had realized you weren’t there and looked over at you standing in the doorway.  

You don’t know why you couldn’t go over to him it was like your feet wouldn’t move and you couldn’t do it.

  You hated seeing him like that and it was like you were almost afraid to touch him. You couldn’t explain this feeling. 

Looking over at you Carina knew without you having to say it. You backed out the room for a moment and walked out to the nearest exit

. You walked close to a bench underneath this tree. 

It felt good to have some fresh air on your face. You needed a break from the hospital and even thinking it made you feel like a bad person. 

All you thought about was going home and taking a long shower and getting some food in you.

 Also on the other hand you didn’t want to leave, you wanted to be here for everything and be by his side all the time. 

Carina scared the crap out of you not even hearing her come out and sit down next to you. 

“Hey Y/N it’s okay you know he wouldn’t want you to be this stressed and he would want you to take care of yourself and the baby. “ she said, taking her hand and grabbing yours in it. 

“ I Know but it’s hard all i think about if something happens and I’m not here I won’t be able to forgive myself.” you said to her

“It’s just not about yourself anymore it’s about the baby too and you have to take care of them and yourself so that way you can be here for him.” She said to him 

She stood up and pulled you up with her. 

You both walked back to Andrew’s room and you walked over to him grabbing his hand and kissing his forehead. Not letting the anxiety and fear take over you. 

“I love you Andrew and our baby loves you we need you so rest and heal and get stronger I love you with every part of me and every part of our baby.” you told him 

You kissed his hand once more before walking away and grabbing your things. You and Carina both headed out. She also desperately needed the rest. 

You both went back to yours’s and Deluca’s apartment. 

You showered first letting the warm water wash away all the stress and anxiety and the hospital smell. It felt so good. 

Carina ordered food to tired to cook she ordered a lot calming she was hungry and you needed the extra food for the baby.  You wasn’t even mad you welcomed the food. 

After your shower Carina was up next sitting on the couch with fresh Pajamas and watching TV waiting for her to be done and for the food. 

It was like you didn’t know how much you needed this. 

Carina walked out and sat down next to you. She let out a huge sigh and put her feet up on the coffee table. 

The room was silent you both just winding down watching TV then the food came and you both pigged out so much. Almost all of the food you had brought was just about gone. 

About a hour later you both agreed to go to bed early. You both headed to the bedroom Carina trying to say she would sleep on the couch but you wouldn’t let her the bed was big enough for the two of you. 

You both fell asleep quickly your body’s just drained and exhausted. You slept all the way into the morning. 

It was about eleven am and even Carina was still sleeping and you would have to if your phone haven’t gone off it was Dr. Webber  you quickly answered it. 

“Hello is everything okay” you said trying to sit up without waking up the sleeping Carina next to you. 

“You both need to get to the hospital quick He woke up and is asking for the two of you.” he said and you almost dropped the phone you were so happy. 

“Of course where on our way.” you said then ending the call. 

You shook Carina awake she rubbed her eyes sitting up 

“It’s Andrew he woke he’s asking for us let’s go.” you said and she jumped up and hugged you so hard. 

“See I told you he would be okay.” she said smiling so big. 

You both jumped up getting dressed and headed to the hospital. Heading over there you felt this weird pain in your stomach but you pushed it down to being nervous. 

You wished that is what it was just nerves you wasn’t expecting what was to come...

[surgeonsoath]

@drmeredithgreyshepherd​ cont. 

LAYING THERE BY his side, Meredith stared at him, a mix of confusion and heartbreak inside her mind and chest. I just want to feel something, what was that supposed to mean? What was he trying to say? Was he saying he did not love her anymore? That sounded impossible only because days ago, he was lying by her side in that hospital bed, after having literally pulled her out of the water, and telling her he could not live without her. His exact words were I just don’t want to lose you again.

So many questions were spinning in her head, so many confusing thoughts, but as she was looking at him laying by her side right there, staring at the ceiling of the trailer - this trailer that held so many memories for them, she had never seen him looking so... not dreamy. Not himself. Almost like a shadow of himself. And part of her knew she had caused that. This was her fault. She had broke him, when she had drowned.

But every day since she had done her best. She was so grateful that she got more of him, more of them. So grateful that he had saved her. That he loved her, and that he had showed up, on all counts literally, for her. But was her best not enough? Meredith swallowed thickly as she stared at him beside her, not looking at her, avoiding doing so actually, she could feel it.

Arm folded, holding her head up, Meredith gulped again, searching for what to say. She had no idea what to say, what was she supposed to say? Was she supposed to say anything? A silence followed, a heavy one, before Meredith broke it. “Okay...” she breathed out, not quite a question but certainly filled with incomprehension. Certainly demanding more information to understand.

Lying on his back, Derek had one hand slightly propping up his head, the other was over his chest, his head turned away from Meredith. He couldn’t shake the mood he was in. He felt numb. He felt cold still. Like he was completely surrounded by the frigid water of the river. When he closed his eyes he was still reaching for her weighted, lifeless body and his fingers kept slipping from hers. He had her though. Meredith was literally lying beside him keeping the other side of the bed warm. 

Okay. What did he expect her to say? He couldn’t explain it himself so what was she meant to say? He continued to stare at the wall ahead of him. The window slightly to the right was misting up with condensation from the slight crack he left open; he liked to smell the forest when he woke up. The fresh air re-energised him without having to get out of bed. But not today. 

Slowly he turned his head to Meredith, his eyes glazed over and not making direct eye contact with her. It didn’t go unnoticed how beautiful she looked though. He was grateful she was alive and every time he looked at her his stomach turned and it sent butterflies through him. The only thing he did feel but the feeling was robbed from him seconds later when his body took control again. 

With a long sigh he finally spoke. “I feel cold...24/7.” He told her. “It makes me feel numb like if someone was to stab me I wouldn’t feel it. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I feel like I have to just accept what life throws at me because no matter how hard I try, I don’t have any control. I wanted to start a new life with you in Seattle and Addison comes along and pulls the rug from under my feet.” 

He closed his eyes again, not moving from his position, fighting the cold that threatened to envelope him and steal his breath. “I chose her but I had to try make it work even if every second I missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and she knew that. I...I couldn’t breathe and I still can’t. I’m scared every day that she’s going to ruin it again and I can’t lose you again.”