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path-of-my-childhood · 4 years

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JT Bates Talks About Drumming For Taylor Swift

By: Jill Riley for The Current Date: July 29th 2020

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[Transcript]

How did you end up on a Taylor Swift record? Well, because of Aaron [Dessner]. You know, I've worked with Aaron for the last couple years, in Big Red Machine, Lone Bellow, various other sessions he's been hiring me for. And I've done a few things for him since COVID began; we've been, you know, we're always texting and talking. He's a very inspiringly creative person who just is really constantly making things, and it's pretty incredible. So he, yeah, contacted me at some point and was like, "Hey, I've got this special, fun little project going on here; can you record some drums on a few songs for me?" Because obviously, we're all recording remotely at this point. So yeah, it was very hush-hush, the whole thing, and obviously not really letting out any information as to who this person was or anything like that, and so yeah! You know, you do these things and you send them off, and you don't really know what it's going to end up being or what it's going to be like, and then, sometimes, I guess, apparently, it's a Taylor Swift record.

So was there some kind of code word, like "Operation blah blah"? I mean, did you even know that it was a Taylor Swift song when you started recording? No. I didn't.

So what did you get? You got like a music track? Yeah. You know, I mean, that's how they set it up. I mean, obviously, there's... whatever! There's a lot of reasons that would be set up that way; I don't need to go into that. But anyway, yeah, so he just said, "I can't really tell you who this is." But you know, I know Aaron pretty well; he's become a close musical brother in a lot of ways in the last few years, so I know when he sends me things, I've learned his aesthetic - not that I always know what he's going to do - but just that I can give him some things that he's going to - I know which things I do that he likes, so then you just, you know, like, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of this going on; it's like, someone sends you a song, and normally, we'd be hanging out in a studio talking, and maybe I'd even be listening to the artist sing the song while I'm, you know, maybe not a finished vocal, but like, something's there; you know, when you're at the studio, usually there's something to play to or something like that. So this was a really different experience! But really fun. And then he contacted me very early in the morning on Thursday [July 23] and was like, "Buddy, it's Taylor Swift." And I was like, "I can't believe…" (laughter) My 15-year-old and my wife were both, you know, aware that I had done this something for Aaron for somebody that's, you know, we're not allowed to know who this person is, whatever, and they were like, "Oh my gosh, what if it's Taylor Swift? That'd be so cool." And they were right.

That's great! I love hearing the insight on that because, you know, I have seen you as a live drummer with a number of bands and artists. But kind of to get that inside view of what it's like to be a session drummer, and it's not unusual for you to get sent something or just called into a studio. Or you get something sent to your studio, and it's like, "Hey, can you play on this?" I mean, that's not a totally unusual thing in your world. No, it's not. And I mean, honestly, during quarantine, you know, for anyone out there wondering how their favorite artists are still putting songs out and still releasing music, that's how it's happening. That's how it's all happening. I mean, I have a handful of friends who I know have gone to a couple studios and done actual physical sessions, but it's really interesting. It's really fun. There's some really fun parts of it for me, because I can sort of be here and I can spend all day, you know, whereas maybe normally that would be wasting someone else's time; I can really kind of get lost and go down a rabbit hole trying different things. Sometimes it just happens instantly, and I can't even believe how quickly I'm sending something back to someone.

And then specifically with Aaron, yeah, it's just like I know that if I've sent him like three or four takes of a song, he's going to grab what he likes and get what he likes, and if he doesn't, then he'll be like, "Hey, can you try this or that?"

Lately, I've been incorporating a lot more FaceTime into it, just personally, because, like, the first couple months of COVID, doing a lot of this was really fun, and then now, I'm really kind of seeking that conversation, because it's just, you know, it's just such a different thing from the live thing and feeling people's energy and feeling the energy of a song and being able to ask a songwriter while you're at the studio, like, "Hey, what's this one about? Where's this coming from?" and all that.

And then also, just the musical, the technical information, too. So yeah, it's really fun, but I've been able to do a bunch of work for a bunch of different, fun people during this, and like I said, it was just sort of, I still kind of can't believe it. (laughter)

We're talking about Taylor Swift's new record, "Folklore"; I'm talking with Twin Cities drummer JT Bates about playing on a couple of the tracks, so "epiphany," "seven" and "the last great american dynasty" are the songs that you play on. So when Aaron Dessner sent you those tracks, what kind of direction did he give you? He probably knows you well enough where he's like, "Hey, can you come up with a couple different things on this?" Yeah. It was a little different. I mean, I don't know how familiar you are with the Big Red Machine stuff, but on that record and a lot of that music that I play on, he's got so much drum programming going, that a lot of times, from me, he's looking for the opposite of that; sort of like the more live activity, "action" sometimes they call it, or smearing things, where I'm not maybe trying to play exactly - you know, because there's a machine playing the beat, so maybe I can be more of a color, more of a texture, things like that. But he did say, kind of out of the gate on this one, "This is going to be more of a poppy sort of thing, so not really looking for the Big Red stuff." And so, like, on "the last great american dynasty," he was like, he just really wanted me to kind of get in; there's a beat that he programmed, and I'm basically just doubling that, just to have, it kind of fills it out in a different way when there's live drums.

[On] "seven," that one he definitely was like, "You'll know what to do on this one." It was kind of a straightforward thing. But then, you know, texturally on that one, we did a little back and forth of trying out different dynamics of the drums, you know, because - and again, that's stuff that, if we were all in a room, would be like a five-second decision, but this was like, I do something, I email it to him; he texts me back. You know, it's like, whatever.

And then, "epiphany," he was like, "Yeah, I'd just like a little bit more of an orchestral sort of thing," so I did a couple different things and then they ended up just using actually just one part of it, but used it throughout.

And that's an interesting part about working with a lot of modern producers, is it's so easy to grab just a certain part that they like or something that grabs their ear, and then, so you might do a lot of work, and then they might just use one little part.

Just like a little… (laughter) But that's fine, too. And that's something that I've learned: How to be really comfortable with [that]. And it's a really great, unattached feeling, you know, to just be like, "Well, here's a bunch of stuff; you're going to use what you're going to use anyway, so if you want something more specific, you'll tell me." That's the great part about Aaron; that's like how he included so many of his good friends and collaborators and our other good buddies on this recording, and friends and family of his and stuff. You know, it's like he knows, he sees people's strengths that way and understands how they could be an asset to a certain song or to a certain vibe or a texture or something like that.

You mentioned friends and family, and I'm really impressed by Aaron Dessner's ability to keep a secret from you, because when it comes to my close friends, I just feel like if I was pushed even just a little bit, like, "Come on, Jill; what is this?" I'd be like, "OK, here's what it is, but don't tell anyone!" But that's pretty impressive. There's, you know, yeah. You want to get called back for more of these things. So there's partly that, there's also just, you could tell he felt funny, when he did call me, I mean, he was like, "Oh, man, I can't even…" Obviously, there's contractual stuff for him, so it's like, he's not going to, you know, anyhow. So and then, of course, I was really curious, but I know Aaron pretty well, and he's a kind of to-himself sort of fella, and so he's not someone I would bug like that anyhow. But yeah. I mean, I was definitely curious, but I'm also good at, I've learned over time, just waiting for surprises or whatever…

All will be revealed. (laughter) It's like, "He just worked with Michael Stipe. Let's see… who could it be next?" That was another crazy one! I played on that song too for him, and it was like, "OK, man, I guess we're playing with Michael Stipe. Great!" You know?

[...]

If your daughter gets to return to school this fall, she's going to have a reason to brag about her dad. Of everything that you've ever done, now she's going to have a reason to brag about her dad. The one cool thing I did, yep! (laughter)

That's really how it goes! Yep!

#thanks anon for sending me this =)#a bit more insight into how that whole secretive process worked in practice #JT Bates #interview #drummer #about taylor #taylor swift #folklore album #folklore era #release week

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nachosncheeze · 2 years

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Music of Blindspot

Music of Blindspot 2x21 - Mom

Nearly at season's end and a big ole ramble ensues. Some good wink wink nod nods in this one that are delivering an awful lot of nuance and doing a lot of emotional heavy lifting.

The usual disclaimer: The music is the work of Blake Neely and Sherri Chung; I am in no way associated with them, nor am I any kind of music critic or expert or anything.

Cut for spoilers.

~~~~~

So, straight to it. The music when Reade is in with Dr Shade I mean Dr [not-so-]Sun[ny] is a variation on the same tune that was playing when Tasha came to his flat to watch the tape. (Which I mentioned before in the post for whichever episode that was, also forms the base of a certain sunset scene in 3x22; I'm just not naming the scene due to it being a big spoiler). He really is still stuck in that basement, processing and trying to heal.

Torn Apart is used in really interesting ways again in this episode and gives a lot lot lot of insight into Roman's state of mind later in the episode. The confrontation between Shepherd and Roman when he's still in the cell is set to sort of generic strings. But a neutral part of Torn Apart is overlayed specifically when Shepherd is asking why he chose Jane, and he responds that Jane didn't ask him to choose; Shepherd then remarks that it wasn't supposed to have gone this way and Roman replies that things didn't turn out for him either. This musical theme of torn loyalties is present in those few moments only, and at no other part of the conversation.

Later, we twice hear a similar mix of Torn Apart to what frequently played for Jane early in the season, but now it's for Roman. In the early-season instances, when things between Jane and Weller were particularly frosty, the bit of music that usually refers to Weller in the other seasons seems to extend thematically to represent her conflicted loyalty to the FBI more generally. When Roman points the gun at Shepherd after she uncuffs him in the lab, the aforementioned neutral Torn Apart comes in, but starting when he says "you tried to control me my whole life" he gets that same "thinking-of-the-FBI" sound Jane used to. It stops for a moment when Shepherd says that losing him is something she wasn't prepared for, but resumes when she's doing her whole slithery snake "ily the most" routine. It's as if he has just a moment of hesitation, thinking, "maybe she really does love me," but then admonishes himself and remembers that, as he once says, "her love is always transactional." Fanfics give us an opportunity to write and hear the characters' inner thoughts that we don't get on screen. I think it's pretty neat the way they can use music to subtly suggest the same.

That FBI sound is heard again, very quietly and in complete isolation without any other element of the song, when Roman expresses doubts before recording Shepherd's manifesto video, then throughout the recording with that neutral bit from earlier slowly fading back in toward the end of the scene. By this point, in practical terms he's committed by default to Shepherd's plans, but the music once again seems to hint at his internal dialogue - that he still has some pretty serious doubts and reservations about going through with it.

Lastly, things get a bit emotional. When Weller and Jane are in the cell together at the end, and she's wondering aloud how anyone will ever feel safe again? They've employed what seems to be a quiet variation on Secret Hiding Place from the season 1 OST. It's a clever little wink of affirmation: the song is originally from 1x05 (the Dabbur Zann/nuclear urn case). During that episode, there's a quiet moment when Jane asks Kurt what happened to him after she ("Taylor") disappeared. He tells her that he waited by their fort every day; he never gave up on her. He reminds her that she has a history, that there were good things in her life before everything that happened, and he knows it because he was there with her. And that it's a starting point, something she can build from.

He knows she's not Taylor now, but he's effectively telling her the same thing again. He knows her heart, and even though all this crap with her family might make her think otherwise, what she was before that was real and true and it's something she can build on. If ever there was a moment when Weller really tells Jane that he doesn't care that she's not Taylor, that moment in the cell is it.

#The COGS reveal at the end brings back the music from the start of 1x01 when Jane and the tattoos are first revealed to Weller.#but the emotional weight of the cell scene is a much better place to end a post xD #blindspot #blindspot 2x21 #blindspot ost #music of blindspot #blindspot rewatch 2022 #blindspot rewatch #blindspot s2 spoilers #nachos blindspot oc

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solacefruit · 3 years

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Not an ask from the ask game - but do you mind explaining how you came up with some of your worldbuilding for MAMS?

- The Elders arranging pairings for genetic fitness

- the winds

- Housekeeper names

And which piece of worldbuilding has you feeling the most of that 'smug these things fit together in a logical and intriguing way I haven't seen much of elsewhere' feeling?

Hello there! I don’t mind explaining the thought process behind these, so sure, I’m happy to chat a bit about these world-building features. This will all go under a readmore as usual, so answers below!

The elders’ role.

It’s my opinion that elders would be highly valued in every clan, although their specific duties and cultural role might vary. Even before I started writing fanfiction for Warriors I always intended to give elders significant political and cultural weight, and I had a collection of little thoughts about how that might look like. For many years, one of the things I knew Windclan elders did was essentially host a micro-democratic system--i.e., they would vote on issues after a long debate, so as to give each cat an equal voice in the final decision.

Some elements of Windclan life are decided exclusively by the elders in this way, and the arrangements are one of those elements. The arrangements came out of two thoughts for me: the first being that Wind (the founder) is a mother and a leader simultaneously, which I felt set a precedent for Windclan to allow mollies to have litters and hold power; and the second being the canon visitors to Windclan, whose purpose there was very unclear and honestly not really plasuible to me. In canon, they just come chill for a while and there’s not really any benefit to Windclan allowing them to do so.

So from those two thoughts, I went: okay, what do the visitors offer the clan that would incentivise Windclan to invite them back every single year? And the answer is fresh bloodlines, particularly as the cats of the visiting group change so frequently as they are joined by newcomers. Likewise, I considered what impact it would have for Windclan to have a leader who also had experience raising kittens, and the answer was that she had the insight to know an insular, unmoving clan would not last. Hence why she also came to an accord with the barn cats of the nearby farmlands.

The combination to those two factors made it clear to me that Windclan’s tolerance--and even enthusiasm--for the visitors came from early in their history as a failsafe against inbreeding, and it seemed right to me that the elders--who long ago would probably have been Wind’s closest friends, the cats who helped take on some responsibility while she raised her litter--are the ideal thinktank for tracking bloodlines and deliberating on appropriate matches for warriors. It seemed like a neat and realistic solution for several problems.

The nine winds.

I knew I wanted to include a significant and unique element of Windclan culture in m.a.m.s. because it’s the ideal environment to do so, being a bigger story than my previous ones. The nine winds developed out of both Doylist and Watsonian interests for me.

The Doylist (in-universe) reason is that canon suggests Windclan views themselves as intensely spiritual because of their position as closest to the stars and/or Moonstone (?)--but that didn’t really click with me, because all the clans feel they have a deeply personal, powerful relationship with Starclan. I felt there had to be more to their everyday relationship and “we sleep under the stars” doesn’t actually cut it for me as a notable cultural practice that justifies that feeling of connection. I wanted to be true to Windclan’s sense of being in conversation with Starclan, in a way that most suited their lifestyle and territory. Hence, the wind as divine messenger.

The Watsonian (out-of-universe) reason is that I considered Windclan’s supposed connection to Starclan and stars, and then I thought of astrology, and then I thought of “what if astrology but actually interesting and potentially valuable?”, and then I devised the nine winds. Sorry to anyone who finds astrology fun or valuable, but for me, I don’t really find it compelling conceptually because (and obviously this is a super basic, watered down definition, forgive me) it is predominantly about explaining who you are based on when + where you were born and accounting for why you act or feel the way you do.

That feels stagnant to me, so I wanted to take the concept of astrology and go, “what if it tells you who you can/should become?” and that felt very right and much more in line with stories I like to tell. I loved the idea of life as a work-in-progress, nebulously guided by ancestors, and I enjoy the difficulty in disproving the nine winds: either the wind is right because you could stand to be more x, or the wind is right because you became very x (as you should have). An emphasis on interpretation was important too, so that each cat has a personal relationship with 1. their own harbinger and 2. the day-to-day movements of the wind generally.

As a side-note, I was also aware that systems of categorisation--Hogwarts houses or whatever else--are very appealing to readers, and I had a feeling people would go a little wild for the nine winds as a concept. I’ve so far been pretty good at predicting what it is that people really like in my work, especially as far as world-building goes, and it always makes me excited when I know I’ve about to share something new that I think everyone will go a bit mad for.

Housekeeper names.

I wanted to achieve a few things with Cypress in m.a.m.s., and one of them was that I really wanted his relationship with Talltail to develop out of a cultural miscommunication that only becomes visible to both parties in hindsight. In the end, of course the relationship is very real, but from Cypress’ perspective, I needed something to push him to take the leap into the unknown, because I felt just curiosity and a desire for adventure weren’t quite enough to make him leave the comfort and safety of his home. But a noble, handsome traveller who turns up on his doorstep with interesting stories and a quest, who almost at once offers his name to Cypress in gratitude for his hospitality? The boy thought he’d fallen directly into a cat romance novel.

I also felt that the sacred secret of one’s name is a super interesting cultural counterpoint to the clans, whose names and naming system exist to be known and as a way to identify each other. I got the idea initially from Old Possum’s Book of Cats, actually, a long long time ago, and have always found the thought of every cat (and particularly pet cats) having a private name pretty delightful--especially as kind of this last fierce independence, the one thing that is theirs and theirs alone.

Personally, I also just love any kind of ritualised social conduct--another reason I love court intrigue. The sharing--or not sharing--of names has so many subtle little ramifications, and while I didn’t explore those in m.a.m.s. I love to think about it.

And which piece of worldbuilding has you feeling the most of that 'smug these things fit together in a logical and intriguing way I haven't seen much of elsewhere' feeling?

I think they all go together really well and a lot of what makes this story feel unique is the combination of all these little things happening concurrently--or at least that’s my theory! I think of all the things I’ve written in m.a.m.s. the nine winds are probably the most intriguing, though, by virtue of implying much but sharing only a fragment of the whole? But that’s just a guess.

I think the nine winds as a concept is the thing that is most specifically a me creation and probably the most unlikely to have been developed independently by someone else, so I’ll go with that! Admittedly I very rarely read Warriors fanfiction, so I can’t be sure, but I don’t think there’s anything quite like what I’m doing out there at the moment.

Frankly if there was, I like to think I’d already know about it, because I’d be their biggest fan. Thank you for asking, and I hope these answers are interesting!

#reply #make a mighty sound

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retorioworld · 3 years

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Popular Posts You May Like:

Which Psychological Defenses Do You Bring to Work?

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eponymous-rose · 5 years

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I’ve also further progressed in my Vorkosigan re-read! Memory was as wonderful as I remembered (Illyan and Miles going fishing via improvised hand grenade out of boredom is always a highlight).

I love the way Bujold structures her books---I talked about that a bunch with Mirror Dance---but Memory is just brilliantly laid out. Miles is spiraling, Miles fucks up, Miles gets fired (the closest pop-culture parallel I can think of is a superhero having to permanently revert to their mundane secret identity), Miles’s friends manage to yank him out of the mire, and then... surprise bizarre out-of-sequence murder mystery! The victim’s not dead! Miles keeps finding clues out of sequence and realizing he was meant to be framed! And god, you’re so sure it’s Haroche right at the start and then you have that moment of “oh well shit of course he thinks Miles might have it in for the boss that just eviscerated his identity” and so you’re still surprised when that first instinct was right! And then he offers Miles his life as Naismith back. Even Cordelia placed a bet on Miles giving up his life as Vorkosigan. And... he doesn’t. Mirror Dance was about Mark fracturing himself to survive. Memory is about Miles dragging himself back together to live.

I love how Illyan takes the loss of his memory chip---it’s fundamentally a piece of him gone, but it’s also freedom from thirty years of being a tool of his emperor (and then of Aral), and his embracing this destruction of his identity and learning to move forward is such a great foil/foreshadowing for Miles’s revelation. Everything in this story is about moving forward, not without regrets, but moving forward. It’s so fitting that the romance story going on in the background is Alys and Illyan, two 60-somethings, falling in love (and god, I love the scene where Miles wanders in on them in the morning and thinks something like “huh that dress is more of an evening style isn’t it?” and then like ten hours later the penny drops).

And god, Miles and Elli. I love how this was done, how it’s made apparent that you can love someone, and they can love you, and you can be very good for each other in a lot of ways, but your circumstances can still be such that marriage will annihilate one or both of you. It’s nobody’s fault, but the inevitability and recognition of it means it’s not always a devastation: “He could feel the letting-go in them, with the easing of the tension and the terror, with the slowing of every pulse of their blood. Not pain, or not so much pain, but only a just sadness, a due measure of melancholy, quiet and right.” Even when they’re quite bizarre relationships, the relationships in these books are very mature and well-thought-out from a narrative point of view, and this is a wonderful example.

Just a really, really lovely book:

No wonder he was laughing. He wasn’t mourning a death. He was celebrating an escape.

“I’m not dead. I’m here.” He touched his scarred chest in wonder.

[...]

Harra Csurik had been almost right. It wasn’t your life again you found, going on. It was your life anew.

Aaaand on to Komarr! God! I love this book! The most Miles possible meet-cute for his future wife: board at the home of her family on an investigation, have combat flashbacks on a shopping trip with her, and wind up watching her husband die horrifically while chained to a rail on a planet with a toxic atmosphere, knowing if he reacts too strongly he’s likely to have a seizure that’ll dislodge his own breathing mask, killing him in the same terrible way. You know. Rom-com stuff.

Speaking of relationships portrayed well, Ekaterin and Tien’s disaster of a marriage is extremely chilling in its realism. Even as you absolutely detest Tien, you can see how Ekaterin got yanked into that orbit, and it’s all all all so tied in with the very same aspects of Barrayaran culture that we’ve seen Miles face: Tien destroys everything because of his perception of what the response would be to his illness (where Miles, for better or worse, never had the option of hiding it), and because of his shitty insecurities about Ekaterin’s fidelity (echoes of a young Aral come to mind). We’re given explanations (his brother’s literally impossible-to-live-up-to example) but are never expected to see them as excuses, which is a very fine line to walk. The end result is a believably fucked-up relationship that draws on parallels with every single time you’ve ever thought to yourself about a friend, “Oh god sweetie you can do so much better than him”.

And Ekaterin’s thoughts about being bound to this marriage are right along the lines of the most stick-in-the-mud traditional Barrayaran loyalties we’ve seen Miles exhibit, all tangled up in language about honor. And even though it very shortly (and mortally) becomes a moot point, I love that she gets the chance to decide to leave Tien in spite of that.

I also love the scene between Tien and Miles, talking about Nikki’s jumpship obsession, partly because of the obvious contrast between the two of them, but mostly because it illustrates how much of Tien’s awfulness is because he’s just... fundamentally a bitter coward with no imagination.

"Well, every boy goes through that phase, I suppose. We all outgrow it. Pick up all that mess, Nikki.”

Nikki’s eyes were downcast, but narrowed in brief resentment at this, Miles could see from his angle of view. The boy bent to scoop up the last of his miniature fleet.

“Some people grow into their dreams, instead of out of them,” Miles murmured.

“That depends on whether your dreams are reasonable,” said Vorsoisson, his lips twitching in rather bleak amusement. Ah, yes. Vorsoisson must be fully aware of the secret medical bar between Nikki and his ambition.

“No, it doesn’t.” Miles smiled slightly. “It depends on how hard you grow.”

The alternating POVs between Miles and Ekaterin are charming because we get to see Miles from an external (non-hostile) point of view and get all excited about each small revelation, and then we get to see Ekaterin both from Miles’s point of view and from the point of view of her own very active inner monologue, giving us insights we would otherwise have missed since she, as Miles says in the understatement of the century, has a tendency to underreact.

Their relationship is built up very carefully: there’s an obvious mutual interest practically from the first, but they both have reason to be cautious. There are those moments of genuine rapport early on, and then the shopping trip! It’s such a clever revelation, and so layered!

Miles was traumatized at Dagoola IV by watching Beatrice fall from the shuttle in front of him: he reached out to try to catch her, and just missed, and she died. And then we have this perfectly safe little parallel, with himself and Ekaterin falling off a water feature in a shopping district, and he manages to catch her, this time... and they both go over. It’s cute and oddly triumphant...

...and then he realizes exactly what it means. If he’d caught Beatrice, he’d have gone over with her. They’d both be dead, and that revelation hits right after he’s had a whole book to figure out just how badly he wants to live. And to Ekaterin, it’s a very quick summary of what and who Miles is: he’s the man who would not let go. BUT Ekaterin ALSO frames her leaving Tien in that context: she’s not just watching him fall, but purposefully releasing her hands. It’s so twisted and so complicated and such a weird little microcosm of their respective states of mind. And while part of it is Ekaterin giving Miles the little push he needed to properly process that trauma, fundamentally and on a larger timescale it places Miles as the “I’ve been in this hole before and I know the way out” path to Ekaterin’s healing. It’s so well done.

There’s also a hell of a parallel in the physical aspect of Miles’s seizures coming on unexpectedly in moments of great stress versus the psychological aspect of Ekaterin’s whole coping mechanism being built on trying desperately not to flinch or show strong emotion.

(And I don’t know where else to put this but special shout-out to the running gag of Vorkosigan House getting gradually overrun with cats, to the point where Miles starts, apropos of nothing and on a totally different planet, asking strangers if they’d like a kitten.)

These kids! Will they make it work? I may be only halfway through the book, but I have a funny feeling things might work out...

Also, here’s the “rescue” scene in full, because it delights me so:

The root-compacted soil of the edge sagged under her weight, and she began to slide precipitously forward. She yelped; pushing backward fragmented her support totally. One wildly back-grappling arm was caught suddenly in a viselike grip, but the rest of her body turned as the soil gave way beneath her, and she found herself dangling absurdly feet-down over the pond. Her other arm, swinging around, was caught, too, and she looked up into Vorkosigan’s face above her. He was lying prone on the slope, one hand locked around each of her wrists. His teeth were clenched and grinning, his gray eyes alight.

“Let go, you idiot!” she cried.

The look on his face was weirdly, wildly exultant. “Never,” he gasped, “again--”

His half-boots were locked around... nothing, she realized, as he began to slide inexorably over the edge after her. But his death-grip never slackened. The exalted look on his face melted to sudden horrified realization. The laws of physics took precedence over heroic intent for the next couple of seconds; dirt, pebbles, vegetation, and two Barrayaran bodies all hit the chilly water more or less simultaneously.

The water, it turned out, was a bit over a meter deep. The bottom was soft with muck. She wallowed upright onto her feet, one shoe gone who knew where, sputtering and dragging her hair from her eyes and looking around frantically for Vorkosigan. Lord Vorkosigan. The water came to her waist, it ought not to be over his head---no half-booted feet were sticking up like waving stumps anywhere---could he swim?

He popped up beside her, and blew muddy water out of his mouth, and dashed it from his eyes to clear his vision. His beautiful suit was sodden, and a water-plant dangled over one ear. He clawed it away, and located her, his hand going toward her and then stopping.

“Oh,” said Ekaterin faintly. “Drat.”

There was a meditative pause before Lord Vorkosigan spoke. “Madame Vorsoisson,” he said mildly at last, “has it ever occurred to you that you may be just a touch oversocialized?”

#vorkosigan saga #vorkosigan saga spoilers #long text post

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alvinsoffie · 4 years

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WORLD AIDS DAY 2020

December 1,

Theme: Each World AIDS Day focuses on a specific theme,

This years theme is “ Global Solidarity: Shared Responsibility. ”

A look back at recent themes gives an interesting perspective:

2020 Global solidarity, shared responsibility

2019 Communities make the difference

2018 Know your status

2017 My health, my right

2016 Hands up for HIV prevention

Personal awareness and responsibilty, coupled with Community support is a reasonable paradigm for moving the HIV/AIDS agenda forward. Embracing this can go a far way to achieve the Goals for eliminating HIV

" World AIDS Day remains as relevant today as it’s always been, reminding people and governments that HIV has not gone away. There is still a critical need for increased funding for the AIDS response, to increase awareness of the impact of HIV on people’s lives, a need to end stigma and discrimination and to improve the quality of life of people living with HIV."

I am quoting directly from UNAIDS here.

A useful way to compare The two pandemics: The 40 year old HIV/AIDS pandemic is the stately annual journey around the sun. COVID 19 is the 28 day cycle of the moon around the earth. It's busy and frenzied. Because it shares the same stigmas, the same governments the same communities; the same inequities: we get a quicker look at the cycle of events. Some countries are already on their third wave, their third cycle or go round of COVID 19. And lessons are being learned at this heightened pace.

This crisis, This frenzied pace has become a wake-up call, an opportunity to do things differently—better, and together. In many respects, the defeat of AIDS as a public health threat could depend on how the world responds to COVID-19.

Inasmuch as COVID 19 has overshadowed the AIDS pandemic. we DO note that some important lessons are being learned and that with care we can utilize aspects of the COVID 19 response to improve HIV response and awareness.

Since you have invited a religous, I believe that you are expecting some insight from a Christian or Biblical perspective, and if this is so, I wouldn't want to disappoint you.

I did some homework, a little research, and came away shocked! In a sense upset on learning that Stigma is the main deterent and source of frustration for battling and overcoming the effects of the AIDS epidemic.

As I looked at the seven types of stigma identified across a range of psychosocial situations, I came to realize that Stigma and its associates, prejudice and discrimination, are deeply ingrained responses that are applied outside of logic and wisdom, and where it surfaces can surprise you.

For the record the seven types of Stigma are:

PUBLIC, SELF, PERCEIVED, LABEL AVOIDANCE, BY ASSOCIATION, STRUCTURAL, AND HEALTH INDUSTRY PERSONEL.

All of these manifestation of Stigma are being experienced in real time in this COVID 19 pandemic. Lets not forget that persons were beaten for sneezing, an involuntary act. Fear and paranoia brings out the worst in us. Where they find common ground, the excesses are very dangerous.

To return to the global AIDS response; At a time when 'untraceable equals untransmittable is a reality already, It is strange that there is no obvious reintegration mechanism for the persons who can overcome the virus. Right HERE, such a mechanism or protocol could provide a rallying point against the stigma PLHIV face. It becomes a powerful incentive to reach for; a goal to achieve. This is one crucial difference with COVID 19, Governments want us to get back to work so there are tests and procedures for reintegration for those who have caught and overcome the virus. The reintegration is SPONSORED because it is deemed vital.

The HIV scenario still has gender bias and sexuality and dominance issues that drive the stigma and after 40 years they remain well entrenched globally.

What does scripture have to offer here. Both Old and New Testaments recognize a variety of diseases that initially demand isolation and removal from communal life. Numbers 12 points to a situation where Miriam the sister of Moses was punished with a skin disease and was out of the camp in isolation for 10 days. Even here there was a clear return to community. She wasn't cast into outer darkness with weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth! Israel camped and waited for her. Just a biblical reminder that it always help to have a celebrity or power person build empathy for your cause.

The reintegration mechanism was well defined. The priests were trained and were the ones assigned the inspection of the suffering person. Once satisfied of their rehabilitation, they offered the necessary sacrifice and were fully reintegrated into family and community.

In the Gospels where Jesus was remarkably open to transformative action on peoples behalf, his advise to cured lepers, to

" show yourself to the priests ...

and

" Offer the sacrifices Moses commanded"

leverages this generations old schema for returning the renewed back to community. Jesus did not subvert the process: he co-opted the process for the validation that it offered. The process is Critical! In real life more than a few persons doing well on their regime fall away and do not return for medication and help. The validation process is aborted by some triggered fear and more than a few will end up dead; losing their lives.

A lesson here is that education doesnt always defeat prejudice. In fact it can provide seemingly plausible justification for discrimination. This is why discrete access to health care for PLHIV is a necessity. Thank God for JASL.

The Label Avoidance Stigma is the most insiduous of the seven. It is the one that keeps the infected person from seeking help. in your community or elsewhere. They know full well that bush have ears and if you are seen in Mocho or Portland or Mandiville at a clinic the rumour mill will grind and your issues will be publicised. They keep quiet and die quieter still. I have seen it up close and it hurts my heart every time I am faced with it. Let me say it again; Thank God for JASL

Sadly, you are as likely to hear a pastor or preacher condemn the sick and declare God's judgment rather than provide access to care and counselling and in hospitals one has to deal with health professionals whose personal biases become stumbling blocks to personal healthcare services..some share unethically, the details of their patients, furthering stigma and discrimination ... very well documented.

If the church would follow Its Lord's instructions. If it would extend itself to speak for the voiceless

Someone came to Jesus for healing and the discussion began: 'Lord, If you choose you can make me whole'. Jesus said, 'I DO Choose!' If our churches would follow Jesus and choose to facilitate health and wholeness, a lot could change.

Church could stand with or stand up for the sick especially PLHIV/AIDS. it could do a lot to counter stigma, to counter the whispered inuendos that is Stigma by Association. Stigma by Association is the one that kills community support for the needy. It is the one that ties you to the presumed sexual preferences and activities of the persons you are inclined to help.

Churches could build support for members and persons who are HIV positive, but who would dare share their status with the brothers or sisters in church. Very few keep secrets, fewer still, exhibit compassion. We need radical Christianity of the leave all and follow Jesus variety.

Returning to the bigger stage, the theme Global solidarity, shared responsibility invites us to revisit our relationships and the activities they engender. Global solidarity invites us to explore the Global response and align ourselves with projects and activities that we are able to support. There are a plethora of them and myriad best practices scenarios waiting for our implementation.

One important feature of World Aids Day is the memorialization of the dead. Given the early stigma and circumstances of dying, many persons have not been properly remembered and closure is still eluding some families who have lost loved ones to HIV/AIDS.

The opportunity to come out and name them and remember them is hugely therapeutic. This is something that the Church does well. Catholicism provides a liturgy on All Saints Day, November 1 for the memorialization of our dead. We do it systematically and we know the benefits of it. We light the votive candle, we pray for those we love, and we ask God in his Love and Mercy to deal kindly with them.

There is a ministry here for churches. There is a place where we can quietly exercise the gift of presence as in grief counselling and just be there for those who need us. There is a place for a prophetic voice that can stop the slander and inuendo by its forthright affirmation of the Person living with HIV as a full and complete human being, bearing the image of GOD.

Even in death, the stigma continues and the cause of death for the death certificate can be problematic for family members. To remove Stigma is to open up the resources freely and fully for those who need it. This day must come sooner rather than later. these are difficult times, make no mistake. But we can make a difference if we try a little bit harder.

Shared Responsibility brings us back to Genesis and Cain's question ' Am I my brother'e keeper?' Yes! Yes we are. God requires an answer of each of us. We are social creatures We need each other for Fulness of living. We will need to develop more programs that bring real benefits to people living witH HIV

My word of encouragement for PLHIV/AIDS is simple: Keep the faith. HIV is no longer a death sentence. Serious progress has been made and you can access a good life right here, right now. Your Life is precious! Dont throw it away! Do NOT let pride or shame rob you of health and family, joy and accomplishments. Still dream... Most things are still possible if you believe and persevere.

Do the right things for yourself. There is now legal recourse to some forms of discrimination. Fight your battle for your life and find support for your cause along the way. Life is Precious.... DON'T give up! Fight Fight Fight!

With discipline and determination, the way things are going, you might actually outlive some of your detractors.

Here I want to quote and close with Minister of State in the Ministry of Health and Wellness, Juliet Cuthbert-Flynn,

“Whether as funding partners, technical informants for policy design and programme implementation, or as medical workers serving people living with HIV and AIDS at the community level, we need to have all hands on deck." the Observer November 20

I endorse All hands on Deck! The world can and must do better regarding the AIDS pandemic. We must remove the strictures and structures that maintain stigma and discrimination in all its forms.

I endorse all hands on deck and hope to see church and state join together to do the right thing for signicant numbers of our citzens who need our help

I endorse All hands on deck to design and build reintegration protocols and mechanisms for those on the margins right now. they dont need to be there!

I endorse all hands on deck if these hands are tender loving hands, desiring to nurture and to care for those in need. We have had enough of the finger pointing sleight of hand deception > I'm just saying:

I endorse all hands on deck in the response from governments, NGOs and Communities acting globally and locally. It is my hope that solidarity will facilitate the crafting of an accelerated response with a view to end Living with HIV/AIDS soon.

#world aids day #world aids day 2020 #plhiv/aids #plhiv

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ebonybow · 5 years

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**Not** A Tutorial

HELLO. I don’t know how helpful or informative this is going to be but I get a lot of questions about how I draw Shane and Ryan so I’m about to spill all my secrets here lmao*

*I’m a graphic designer, I didn’t study fine art or illustration so take my “advice” with a pinch of salt. This is just my process and how I’ve taught myself to draw them.

[Ryan voice] That being said, let’s get into it.

1) References are the best

I used to think drawing from reference was a shameful thing that TRUE artists didn’t use, because they just KNEW what the human body looked like. This just isn’t true for most artists. Including myself! I don’t have a fuckin’ clue, my friends. Pose references are incredibly helpful when drawing bodies and, as obvious as it sounds, face references are incredibly helpful when drawing faces!

So let’s look at Shane and Ryan. Here’s a screencap from the show that I’ll be using as a ref for this post:

If you’re looking to draw something where the main subjects are extremely recognisable by their faces (i.e. some kind of fanart), face shape is important to take into account (again, I feel like this is super obvious but I’m saying it anyway). For example, Shane has a very angular face. His brow, nose, and jaw are all fairly straight lines. His hairline is squared. Ryan has more curves to his face (brow, nose, jaw, and hairline are all curves).

These features are pretty important when it comes to making the boys look like themselves? (particularly the noses, in my opinion, which are quite distinct.)

The point of finding these important lines and/or curves is that it helps you build the face shape. It’s like a basic blueprint for where all the rest of the stuff is going to go.

2) Analyse the features

I’m not going to go into detail about how to draw a basic face, there are thousands of tutorials online and this post will be rambly enough as it is.

So I already talked about their features a little bit in the first part but I’m gonna talk about them here too. Once you figure out the important lines and curves, you gotta work on some features.

For Shane, I like to take into account the following: 1) he has very expressive and angular eyebrows. They’re excellent. 2) he has downturned eyes (heavy lids/deepset eyes). 3) his mouth is quite catlike, it curves upwards at the corners when resting and dips in the middle. W-shaped.

With Ryan, I take into account 1) though his brow is quite defined, his eyebrows are not — they’re actually somewhat sparse I guess (or untamed?). 2) his eyes are big and round, but like Shane they’re deep set and he has a lot of lid. Both of them are Tired! Boys! and have bags under their eyes, it cute. 3) Ryan’s mouth curves downward. EVEN WHEN HE SMILES. It’s M-shaped, the inverse of Shane’s. His smile is heart-shaped.

I try to always keep these details in mind even when I’m referencing directly from a photo, because it makes their facial shapes appear clearer to me.

3) Just straight up practice lmao

I’ve been drawing these guys for over a year now and I like to think I have VASTLY improved since this time last year. At this point, remembering most of what I mentioned above is like second nature when I draw their faces.

I’ll use my under-sketch (above) to create more natural lines and add detail to features like eyes, mouths, hair, and brows. Also, smaller distinguishing features like moles or wrinkles or creases.

(Shane’s moles on his cheek and beneath his eye are extremely extremely cute).

4. Clean it up?? Maybe? Color?

This is optional. Sometimes stuff looks better as a sketch because the looser the lines are, the more room your brain has to interpret the whole image and pick the /correct/ line, does that make sense? Probably not.

At this stage I generally paint in facial hair too. Sometimes they don’t look like the boys to me until I’ve given them a little scruff (and honestly I like to go a little heavy on facial hair because I like it so much!!!)

This is where I can’t really give a lot of advice (if you can call any of this advice lmfao) because I do something differently every time I paint. I’m fickle.

THAT’S IT, I think?? I dunno if any of this is helpful or actually teaches anyone anything, I guess it’s just an insight into my drawing process and the way I work? If there is anything specific anyone wants me to talk about, just shoot me a message and I’ll see what I can do.

Anyway, I hope the 3 entire people who asked me to do this enjoy this very useless post :’)

#fie draws #this is absolutely not a tutorial DON"T come for me #i am just a litle creacher #a baby graphic designer

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myrmidryad · 4 years

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hi, would you feel comfortable talking a bit about you writing process? I know you have many (pretty meaty) fics, but I'm familiar w/your Shadow Work story and was just So Impressed by how neatly plotted every second was. everything felt totally necessary and the character beats were deeply emotional but still impacted the plot. Just hoping to get a peek into your process/or any advice on plotting/writing a comprehensive story like that because! It really blew me away and I would love to learn!

inasmuch as I have a process, sure! and thank you! :D

I put it under a cut because it got more behind the scenesy than I expected, whoops. I’m just the normal level of narcissistic when it comes to my own writing, right?

edit: I tried to put it under a cut, and that....did not work. cheers, tumblr, this is one of several reasons why I never post anything. 🙄

Shadow Work is kind of an interesting one because I started it with the idea of it being quite short, and while usually my process is ‘sit down, write the whole thing in chronological order, done’, Shadow Work is one of the only fics where it went in a completely different direction which ended up not working, so I pulled back to an earlier point and did it differently. originally, the timeline was shorter, Alex called his mom at one point, the Air Force purchase of Foster Ranch for a base was a Project Shepherd thing where Max, Isobel, and Noah were being kept. Michael and Alex found the Project Shepherd bunker and caught Jesse and Jesse was the one who revealed the Rosa coverup. Alex tricked him into believing he bought the xenophobia and let Jesse take them both to the base before Michael used his powers to break free. there was a firefight and I think Jesse was killed in the crossfire. no Maria at all, far more military personnel, and it didn’t work because there hadn’t been enough time for the relationship between Michael and Alex to develop and there hadn’t been enough time for the world to feel as fleshed out as it ended up being in the final fic.

so process wise, the way it developed was with me needing it all to make more sense. not even emotionally, just in terms of real-world impact. it didn’t make sense for a Project Shepherd base to be on the Foster Ranch land, because that had been an official Air Force acquisition, and Project Shepherd is a secret. it didn’t make sense for Alex to be so easy with confronting Jesse. it definitely didn’t make sense for Jesse to trust Alex was on his side after only one manipulative conversation when he’d spent the majority of Alex’s life thinking he was inferior because of his sexuality. so everything needed to be reworked to make actual sense. no plot holes, no out of character decisions by anyone. Noah had to die very quickly, because Michael had to be free to find Alex and rescue Max and Isobel. if Alex was going to be so confident in Michael, he needed more time to develop that bond.

in practical terms, for any fic that has a Plot, I use Evernote to keep track of everything.

for me that just meant keeping track of exactly what was happening and when. I also made a thing to help me decide how the hell haunts worked, so when Alex referenced the classification system I could keep it consistent.

but yeah, keeping track of things, and editing as I go is kind of the key. originally there wasn’t a Friday at all (as in, the events of that day didn’t exist), but I wanted Alex and Michael to have more time just stewing together, so I made up some shit for them to do. all things that developed the relationship they were building, and developed the world too. they could’ve spent the whole day indoors on their laptops, but it made more sense for the story for them to go out and show off what the world looks like through their different perceptions.

with a fic this long, I noticed multiple mistakes in continuity as I went, and had to keep going back to fix things. I added in the part where Michael and Alex went to get spare clothes for Max, Isobel, and Noah, because I’d just gotten to their rescue and decampment to Kyle’s and realised, oh fuck, they have nothing but the pyjamas they were abducted in to wear, and they’ve been wearing those for about two weeks now so they must be disgusting. a tragedy occurred when Michael took Alex to the pod cave and I wrote a beautiful description of the way the pods looked to him...only to realise as I finished it that I’d written the pods being snatched as well, so there was nothing for Alex to look at. 😂

to get the emotional beats...I’m not sure, it just sort of happens. it might help that I picture each scene as if I was watching it, like it was happening on the show itself. so I imagine exactly how the actors would deliver the lines, what their body language would be like, where they are in relation to everything around them, etc. I think it helps me keep track of the physicality of the scenes. for anything with a real location, like Roswell, I use Google Maps a lot. even if the town as they portray it on the show isn’t what it looks like irl, it’s very handy for describing things like residences and deciding how long a drive from one location to another would take. I definitely went on real estate listings for actual Roswell to see what the houses were like in the neighbourhoods I’d semi-arbitrarily decided the Manes and DeLuca houses were in. interiors, exteriors, street layouts, everything. the lane out the back of the Manes back yard was based off what I was seeing on Google Maps.

oh actually for emotional beats, having a solid handle on what the characters are like and what all their issues are is key, and for that I highly recommend reading meta about the world and those characters. the RNM fandom has some absolutely killer meta, particularly character meta, and it’s really helped me nail down what motivates the characters, reasons for why they act the way they do, and giving extra resources and insight into what life is functionally like for a real disabled vet, or someone whose mother is suffering with undiagnosed early-onset dementia, etc etc.

I hope this was helpful, or at least interesting!

#my writing #katsofmeer #shadow work #asks

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uncloseted · 5 years

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Effy’s Closet Watches Skins: 303 “Thomas”

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay in this recap. I actually did a whole thing and then promptly restarted my computer and deleted it all. But hopefully that means I just had that much more time to think about this episode and this recap will be a really good one. More after the cut...

- The first thing I want to say is I love the images of Thomas at the very end of the intro. You may not have noticed this, but for each episode, the intro ends with two shots of the character whose episode it is. In Thomas' case, the first shot is of him alone in a field, turned away from the camera. He's in a new place, totally isolated. And in the next one, he's looking up, optimistically and cheerfully. This is new to him, but he's going to figure it out.

- The first shot is this gorgeous view of the city, juxtaposed with Thomas' rundown, abandoned flat. It's dingy and there's trash everywhere. We don't see Thomas yet. Just a close up of his hands putting down his cassette player and a photo of his family. Already, we know what's important to Thomas- he's musical, and he cares about his family more than anything else. The music starts playing, and we pan up to see Thomas with a big smile on his face, practicing in the dusty mirror- "hello! I am Thomas! So glad to meet you!" South African rapper Mapaputsi's song "Kleva" is what Thomas is listening to. It's juxtaposed with images of Bristol- the Union Jack on a flagpole outside his building, the English flag flying off of someone's balcony. Already, we've been introduced to the core of Thomas's dilemma throughout his entire time on the show- how much is he Congolese? How much is he British? How much should he assimilate to British culture?

Thomas does an adorable dance in his layers and layers of coats, hats, and gloves. This flat may look dingy to us, but to Thomas, it's luxury, and he's clearly so happy to be here. He sets up his toothbrush and toothpaste with love, cleans some of the trash up, and sets out his sleeping mat. The water in his shower comes out brown at first, but it's okay! It goes clear eventually. The color of his skin contrasted against the red tile in the bathroom is gorgeous. The camera lingers for a second on Thomas' necklace that he later gives to Pandora- this is a necklace that's clearly important to him.

- Thomas exits his flat and looks out over his new city. A woman comes out of her flat with her young son. Thomas introduces himself, just as he practiced, with a big smile. The little boy responds, "hello!" before getting dragged away by his mother. Clearly she's not quite as excited to meet Thomas as he is to meet her, and he looks a little bit put down about it.

- Thomas calls his own mother, and she's not too different to the mother we just saw. Thomas excitedly tells her that everything is great, that he found a super cool flat, that he's excited for her to see it, it's super luxury, really incredible... and all she wants to know is has he found a job. "Yes!" He lies, "I'm a sweeper... it's super easy", but before she can ask further, his card runs out of minutes. He goes to the convenience store where he bought the card, saying "I bought this card for 120 minutes!" The guy behind the counter is not having it. Like Thomas, he's an immigrant, but he seems less than sympathetic to Thomas' plight. "My mother, she'll be very, very upset...." starts Thomas, and we get another insight into his personality. He cares very much about what his overly critical mother thinks and wants to do her proud and prevent her from being angrier at him. Thomas digs in his pocket for more money, desperate to call his mother back, when some young English kids come into the store and begin stealing candy. The man takes out his baseball bat to go and intimidate the boys, but Thomas' focus is on the donuts. Finally, he rips himself away to get involved in the fight that's quickly escalating in the shop. A side note: the till in the shop says "no change given for the telephone", so it seems like maybe people try to rip this guy off frequently, or maybe he's just stingy. Anyway, Thomas pulls one of the kids away and has a lovely little line, "cunt is a very bad word! Even in England, I think..." Then his attention changes to the man, "what is this Paki they call you? Is that bad?" And the man responds, "I'm from Delhi, I hate Pakis!" I'm not sure why I love this line so much, but I do. I guess it's because there's something so ridiculous and human about someone who was just targeted for their race being like, "I object to what you said because I also hate the group you just associated me with!" The shopkeeper appreciates Thomas' help and rewards Thomas with a big bag of donuts, and Thomas looks pleased with himself that he could be of service. As we find out through generation 2, Thomas is someone who takes honor very seriously, and who always wants to do the right thing (even when he's not totally sure what the right thing is).

- At this point, if this is your first time watching the episode, you're probably wondering, "who are all those hooligans that we saw in the other two episodes, and who is this kid?" But the show has a way of getting us to care about characters, and Thomas is no exception. Anyway, he sits down at a bus stop to eat his donuts, and the camera pulls out. Surprise! There are Effy and Pandora, just waiting to meet this new boy who will eventually be very, very important to them. And of course it's Effy and Pandora- who else would make friends with a random boy at a bus stop? Maybe it's a bit ridiculous, but Pandora is ridiculous, and Thomas is a bit ridiculous, so the whole thing works really nicely. At this point, I also want to point out that his series 4 episode starts in a similar way. Instead of focusing on Thomas, it focuses on a new character, one we've never seen before, Sophia. She walks by all of the main characters of gen 2, but instead of finding her Pandora, someone who will reach out to her and help her fit in... she jumps. Skins is brilliant sometimes. Back to the plot, Pandora is eyeing Thomas' donuts. It's hard not to, Thomas is eating them so enthusiastically. Meanwhile, Effy is sitting disinterestedly, smoking a spliff and holding an Irn Bru. Thomas belatedly realizes that he thinks he's being rude, and says, "of course! I have too many!" and offers Pandora one. He offers Effy one, and she turns him down. "Effy doesn't do donuts... [she does] drugs!" explains Pandora. This is Thomas' first proper introduction to the idea that England has very different morals from Congo, but he's willing to see what happens. Pandora takes a bunch of hits of the joint, and Thomas looks concerned (as he should be, given what happens next). Thomas gives this cute small smile, like he likes this girl in spite of himself. Effy looks super done with this whole situation, but Thomas doesn't seem to clock that. He reaches out to shake her hand, like he practiced- "Hello! My name is Thomas! So glad to meet you!" I wish I had something insightful to say about this interaction, but really I don't. Thomas' energy compared to Effy's apathy is sort of funny, and I think again highlights the fact that the English are very different from the Congolese (or at least, from Thomas).

Pandora pukes, and Effy is disgusted because this is the second time in two episodes that Pandora has done that. Thomas throws Pandora over his shoulder like a goat, and they go to Effy's house. Between these scenes, her boots changed from awful vinyl knee highs to her normal Sancho boots, but that still doesn't save this outfit for me. What are those pearls, Effy? Taking some fashion tips from Katie, I see...

- They enter the house, and Thomas pronounces it incredible. Effy seems surprised by this, because she thinks of it as just a normal house, and it's a nice moment that underlines that Thomas had a very different upbringing from the rest of the gang. There's also a blink and you'll miss it moment where Thomas realizes his hand is on Pandora's ass, and he looks just a little pleased before being all, "I must do the honorable thing!" and moving it. They bring her upstairs and plunk her down on a chair. "I think maybe these donuts are no good for you" he says with an incredibly endearing smile. It's so obvious that he likes Pandora despite the fact that she's puking and overall just a total mess. "Yeah, that must be it," Effy says, and she's warming up to him a bit. She offers a little smile... and then she hears some noises from the other room. Her suspicions have been confirmed- her mum is indeed having an affair. Thomas barges in and introduces himself to Anthea and Steve, breaking the tension, and Effy seems to appreciate it, giving him that little smile again. Then she looks down, I guess because she's trying to process this, but it's hard to know what she's thinking. Is it an "oh shit, I was hoping that this wasn't true" or is it a "fuck, now I have to keep this secret"? It's hard to tell.

- Thomas tries to make nice with his bitchy neighbor again- "good evening!" and she shuts the door without saying anything. Thomas is clearly upset that she doesn't like him. He goes to sleep and then is rudely awakened with a punch to the head. Surprise! It's Johnny White, he owns this flat, and Thomas is squatting there. One wonders whether his bitchy neighbor turned him in. This scene is great because Johnny's thugs are pure nonsense. Johnny is trying to be serious, but clearly his thugs don't really know what they're doing and aren't very bright. One of them (I think his name is Bennie) is played by the same guy as Mini's mum's boyfriend, but I don't think they're meant to be the same character. "Put the kettle on, please, lads," Johnny instructs, and they sit there staring at the kettle. Heavy goes to say something, changes his mind, waits a few moments, and then offers up, "It's taking a long time there, boss." The second thug comments, "I keep saying, like. Probably shouldn't watch it. You know?" Hilarious. Skins does such a great job with its comedic extras. The water eventually boils and Johnny White pours it into a cup noodles with tobacco sauce and downs it, because he wants Thomas to "know what kind of man he's dealing with".

Thomas mostly looks disgusted and a bit confused at what he's suppsoed to take away from this. Mostly he seems concerned about Johnny littering. He demands that Thomas give him "£300 deposit by Desperate Housewives on Thursday." There's a great interaction between the thugs that you might miss if you're not paying attention: "JOHNNY: Say goodnight to Thomas, boys. MAN 2: See ya, cocker. MAN 1: Cheers, Thommo. All the best. MAN 2: Be lucky. MAN 1: He seemed like a nice lad to me. MAN 2: Yeah, but John's gonna fuck him. MAN 1: Oh, yeah. He is." What can I say? I'm a sucker for a punch clock villain.

- Thomas records a message for his family. Even though he's spent the majority of the episode complaining about the cold and his life has just been threatened, he tells them, "here, the sun shines just like at home and there are many wonderful people." He's an inherently optimistic person. He really believes that things are going to work out. He sings his siblings a song, which continues to play over a shot where Thomas (the only black person in the group) tries to get onto a truck so that he can do some construction work. One of the men tells him, "this isn't your work", but then takes pity on him and lets him know about a temp agency where they'll take anyone.

Thomas goes into the office and tries to make smalltalk with the woman placing him in a job. She asks for special skills, and he offers "I play all music. I run very, very fast. Like a dog. Also, I am mathematical. I will solve any equation." With each question she asks, he looks excited, like maybe this one will be the one where he has the right answer! But she deems that he has no special skills, qualifications, or experience of any kind, and his face falls. But still, he pushes on- "my mother is coming, you see, and she is a very fussy lady". Even in the face of literal gangster Johnny White, Thomas is most afraid of his mother.

- Thomas is now a janitor at Roundview, because of course he is. He cleans the hallway very thoroughly and admires his work. Then the bell rings, and a hoard of students come through completely destroying all the work Thomas just did. He looks crestfallen. Effy walks by, but she doesn't notice him, or maybe she doesn't recognize him. We get a really great and iconic interaction between Katie and Effy here. Effy is clearly still preoccupied with her mum's affair, and Katie still just wants Effy to like her, I guess because Effy still isn't giving her the time of day and that only makes Katie want her validation more. "KATIE: Effy! Effy! Effy! Excuse me! Effy, hi! Look. I got a new top. It's cool, isn't it? When you've got tits like mine, you've gotta flash them haven't you? EFFY: Sorry? KATIE: Breasts, girl. You should try it. EFFY: I never try." Katie looks genuinely confused by this, like she doesn't understand what sort of game Effy is playing. Katie's whole life is about trying, and so the idea that she just... wouldn't... is perplexing to her, I think especially because Effy has everything Katie tries so hard to get. Effy walks away and Katie turns her attention to Emily to get her anger at the interaction out of her system. "Stop fucking following me, would you?" Emily tries to protest, but Katie's already gone.

Thomas has noticed the situation and engages Emily. "THOMAS: A strange place, this college. EMILY: Sorry? THOMAS: Everyone is loud and they care about nothing. EMILY: Yeah. You're right. THOMAS: You are the same as your sister. EMILY: I'm not the same as her. THOMAS: No? Maybe you're a little more pretty. EMILY: Cheeky." Thomas is giving Emily an opportunity to take her power back, whether he means to or not. He's letting her say, "I'm not like my sister", and it seems like it might be the first time she's ever actually said that out loud to someone. Maybe because Thomas is new, or the janitor, she feels like it's safe to say that to him. He tells her that she's the more attractive one, and that's definitely something Emily hasn't heard before. She looks reluctantly pleased and it's adorable.

- Emily walks away, and Thomas pronounces her backside as being "most satisfactory". I like this because at times Thomas can seem a little too honorable. This gives us a little reminder that he's still a teenage guy. He turns his attention back to the hallway only to realize that it's a complete mess again. And then he hears Africanish music and abandons his job to follow the noise. It's a dance class where they're "acting Africa" and "stalking leopards". Naturally, Pandora is in it, being an adorable... gazelle? Maybe? It's hard to tell what she's supposed to be, but she's really into it, and Thomas is charmed. Pandora keeps dancing even after they're supposed to be done, in typical Pandora form.

Thomas goes over to the drums and looks at the instruments. He's comforted. "Hello, friend," he says as he begins to play. This is the first time this episode where Thomas allows himself to let down his cheery exterior, to really feel homesick. Pandora sneaks back into the room to see him under the guise of forgetting her tail. She complements him on his "fast fingers" and then says, "Thomas? Why are you crying?" And I love this because 1) Pandora remembers his name, even though she was so drunk she was puking when they met, 2) Pandora recognizes him, even though Effy didn't, and 3) she's not beating around the bush. She sees he's upset and she doesn't want to be polite and pretend like she doesn't notice. She just wants to help. It's a really lovely scene, Pandora, an English girl, dressed up like Thomas' homeland, reaching out and trying to make him comfortable in his new home.

- Pandora takes Thomas to her Aunt Elizabeth's house, and fuck is that exterior shot gorgeous. They have a nice little conversation as they walk up to the house, "PANDORA: Effy told me you carried me back, stripped me naked, and laid me tenderly in your bed. THOMAS: Excuse me? I didn't... What? PANDORA: You must be wondrously strong to carry me. THOMAS: I've carried heavier goats. PANDORA: You're funny! THOMAS: Am I? PANDORA: Yeah. And you like all the same things as me. Dancing, doughnuts..." I love this conversation. First of all, Effy, you sly dog, you laid the groundwork for this ship! But also, I like that they're showing us Pandora and Thomas getting to know each other, finding the things they have in common. They're showing us why this relationship works, and in the thirty seconds that this scene is, I'm completely sold on the idea that they should be together. Their outfits are great, too. Pandora is all pastels and polka dots and Thomas has more muted tones and stripes. They both look a bit ridiculous. They're not matching, but they're complementary, and I think it's such a nice reflection of their relationship, two people who are the same naive, optimistic, slightly bizarre type of person. Thomas asks how many people live in Aunt Elizabeth's place, and Pandora says, "one! Auntie Lizzie has a wicked load of stuff." And again, as in Effy's house, the point is underlined- this is not a world Thomas grew up in.

Auntie Elizabeth has a set of chainsaws displayed on her wall, as well as an umbrella stand filled with canes. She does indeed have a wicked load of stuff. Elizabeth gives them tea, and it turns out to be made from pot. Thomas realizes that he has an opportunity here, and says "I would be very pleased to see how it's grown". Aunt Elizabeth says that they can go once they've gotten "well and truly sconed" and I'm not sure if she knows the tea is weed or not. Thomas says, "maybe I could sell some. I think people would like it very much!" Aunt Elizabeth tells Pandora that she could do much worse and gives Thomas as much weed as he wants. They go back to Thomas' place, and Pandora says, "You don't have much furniture in here, do you, Thomas?" Thomas replies by talking about his mother again: "I must buy some before my mother comes. She is a powerful lady, most powerful. Especially on the backhand." Pandora goes on a little rant about how there's hardly enough tea in the bag for three or four cups, and that's definitely not enough to buy a sofa, and looks horrified when Thomas puts the "tea" in a joint and goes to smoke it. Finally, Pandora understands. "You're amazing!" she says, and she kisses him in this really squishy, adorable, totally Pandora way. "Wow, now I get it. That was kissing." They're such a great ship and the writers really messed up in series 4.

- Meanwhile, at the Stonem house, Effy is having a silent staredown with her mum while her dad prattles on about a fight Steve got in with the Managing Director of their company the background. She has wine with her dinner, which I guess explains some things about where her parents are when it comes to her. "You liked him, didn't you, love?" Jim asks Anthea. Effy smiles a knowing smile while Anthea tries to get out of this conversation, but apparently Jim has invited Steve over for drinks because they have a lot in common. That you do, Jim, more than you know. "I've made a friend!" Jim says, and it's a bit heartbreaking because he seems so excited that he's got a friend. The door rings, and Jim says, "that'll be him now" and goes to answer it. Anthea and Effy get a moment to themselves. "It's more complicated than you think," Anthea tries, but Effy is angry. "It doesn't seem complicated. You're fucking my dad's line manager. No biggie." Pandora shows up, and Jim asks her her name again. When she answers, he mutters "ridiculous" under his breath, and I love it. Anthea is trying to hide her face so Thomas doesn't recognize her, but to no avail. He goes up to Jim and says, "So glad to meet you again! You look different with your clothes on!" I think that's pushing the limit of what's believable, but maybe to Thomas all white men look the same.

- Cook, JJ, and Freddie are standing in a parking lot. JJ tries to voice that he's still upset with Cook, but Cook is way beyond that. Cook ogles the girls, and Freddie informs him that they all hate him because he's a tit. Pandora and Effy explain the situation, and it becomes clear that Effy has gathered the troops here to help Thomas out. At the mention of Johnny White, Freddie looks like he's about to back out, but at the mention of 13 ounces of weed, he's convinced of staying. Then Naomi appears. "Hi!" she says, and gives a little wave. She's happy to be included. But then right away, Katie is on the offensive, making gay jokes about Naomi, and Naomi turns right back around to leave. "See you". This is Naomi putting herself out there, and she immediately rejected and othered by this group. She so badly wants to be like everyone else, to be included even though she wants everyone to think she doesn't care, and in just a few seconds of being there all of her suspicions are confirmed. She doesn't fit in, these people don't like her, they're not going to accept her... and that's the final straw for Emily. It's one thing to follow along with what Katie wants when she's the only person getting hurt, but this is Naomi, the love of her life, and Emily isn't going to stand for it. She can't let Naomi feel hurt and left out, and she needs to fix it right then and there. "Oh, for fuck’s sake! She didn’t kiss me, OK?...I kissed her. I was drunk and someone gave me MDMA and … I felt like fucking kissing someone. Satisfied?" Finally the viewer gets confirmation of what we've suspected since the first episode- the relationship between Naomi and Emily is not nearly as simple as Naomi being some sort of predator.

Effy gives this little smile. She's proud of Emily for finally standing up to Katie, and she's been on this Naomily ship from the first time she saw the two of them in a room together, so I think she's very satisfied with the way this is progressing, thank you very much. Then Effy looks over her shoulder, because of course Naomi is about to come back. Emily has stood up for her, acknowledged in a small way that she likes Naomi as something. Anything more than this would drive Naomi away and make Katie angry, but this? This is just toeing the line, and Emily gets what she wants. Then Cook makes a gross comment about Naomi and Emily kissing, and Effy immediately shuts him down, "you promised us a party?" And I love this, too, because she's protecting them. Naomi and Emily aren't ready to talk further about their feelings and she knows that, so she distracts Cook. Effy seems on the surface like she doesn't care about anyone or anything, but really, she's someone that wants to protect everyone around her as much as she can.

- Cook moves a manhole and reveals a gold light to rival the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. It looks like they're in some sort of cave, and everyone goes to sell Thomas' weed. But wait! Johnny White is here, and things are going to get messy. But first, we have some more Naomily to attend to while Johnny White gets trampled by some pilled-up party kids. "how much have you sold?" Emily asks Naomi, "I've done three bags." Naomi looks scared and also like there's nowhere she'd rather be, and like she doesn't really know how to reconcile the two. Naomi puts up her wall, "I don't even know why I'm doing this" as if the reason ("I'm doing this to spend time with you") isn't perfectly obvious to them both. Effy appears to lurk in a corner and watch her favorite ship progress. Naomi says, "I don't care what your sister thinks," but she does, she totally does, because what Katie thinks is important to Emily and Emily is important to her. Naomi is standing sideways this entire conversation, not even looking directly at Emily. Her body language is totally closed off. Emily says, "Yeah, well, I do. So thanks anyway."

The she takes a chance, not quite knowing how it will land. She's been good about not pushing Naomi too far up until now, but now she's put herself out there for Naomi, and I think she's wondering if maybe Naomi will do the same. "I didn't take MDMA that night. I just wanted to kiss you. I want to kiss you now." Naomi accuses Emily of being gay, and Emily apologises. She knows that's too much for Naomi, that she's pushed her too far. There's so much tension in this scene, both of them wanting but not knowing how to express their feelings in a way that's safe. Naomi is too scared of what will happen if she says yes, if she admits that this is what she wants. She knows it's something that could make or destroy her entire life. So she runs away. "Yeah, me too" is her response to Emily's apology, and on the one hand it seems like a "I'm sorry I can't be what you want" but I think it's really a "I'm sorry I'm not brave enough for this right now." Emily being gay makes her life a lot more complicated, because now the potential for something to happen is real. "Shit shit shit" Emily says, because she knows that she's pushed Naomi too far and maybe ruined her chance of something ever happening. Emily turns around and there's Effy, who gives her a smirk and shakes her head a bit.

- Thomas enters the scene and hastily asks, "which are you?" to which Emily responds "gay! I mean, Emily." I think this is the first time she's said that out loud and again, Thomas is the one giving her the opportunity to distance her identity from her sister's. He finds it important to know which one she is instead of treating them as interchangeable. He gives her the opportunity to say who she is. And in response, he's the first person she trusts when she comes out, even if it's accidental. Later, he’ll be the person she goes to when everything is fucked up with Naomi, but we’re not there yet.

Then Johnny White pops up out of nowhere, and he's like "you're on my turf, we're going to beat you up" and Thomas runs, taking this opportunity to show off his rap skills. Pandora is very impressed and blows him a kiss. She's lame and it's perfect. Johnny for whatever reason doesn't recognize Thomas now that he's wearing a hat, and leaves, so Thomas is safe for now. They leave the party and count the money. Effy seems pleased that she's made this happen. - Johnny White shows back up and threatens Thomas before he notices Cook. He rips his necklace off of Cook's throat, but before things can get worse, Thomas steps in. Cook helped him out tonight, so I think he feels like it's the right thing to do to protect Cook (which is why it's so upsetting when Cook betrays him by sleeping with Pandora later). They're friends now, and friends protect friends, at least in Thomas' mind. So he says, "You must be some kind of English pussy cunt. You heard me. I think you're afraid. Possibly your father was a homosexual donkey. I will fight you by myself. You can choose any weapon." Johnny challenges him to a spicy pepper eating competition.

Everyone looks very solemn, and Effy is making this face like, "how on earth did we get into this situation?" She also looks nothing like herself in these scenes. Johnny says that his men will rape all the women if Thomas loses, and Bennie is all, "Um, boss, the lads... The lads aren't too keen, you know, on the rape." And Johnny is like, "I'm talking dangerous! Can't anyone talk dangerous anymore? FFS." And it pulls this contest back into the realm of reality again, so it ends up sort of working.

The shot of the peppers is really lovely and so, so Skins. Effy looks almost embarrassed to be here. Thomas takes a handful of them and Bennie seems genuinely worried for him, but Thomas is perfectly fine. He smiles- it turns out this is his special skill from the village. Everyone is tentatively proud of him, and he even gets a "well done, Thomas" from Effy. Apparently his mother would forbid him from eating them, but he was a very naughty boy and has built up something of an immunity. Now Thomas knows he's in a position to bargain- "If I win, I pay you no money, and you leave me and my friends alone forever." Johnny White predictably gets very fucked up from eating the same amount of peppers Thomas did, so Thomas wins. The gang is very amused.

- Thomas has finally gotten that couch he wanted earlier in the episode, and the gang is celebrating with booze and weed (and donuts for Thomas). Thomas also has a mobile phone now, so he no longer has to rely on those phone cards he was buying at the beginning. Pandora demands he come to bed with her, saying that she wants him to be her first. She says "what do I want? Surfing and turfing. When do I want it? Now" and it's adorable because she's clearly trying hard to be sexy but doesn't quite know how.

Before Thomas can get down to it, though, the doorbell rings, and finally, after hearing so much about him, his mother arrives with a big smile. Maybe she's not as strict as we thought? Thomas' siblings run in to hug him. They clearly adore him and missed him. "Let's see the flat," she says, and he responds with, "but I thought you weren't coming until next week!" She demands a kiss and then says, "it's too long for you to be without supervision" and smiles like she's made a great joke. Her honorable, up before sunrise to milk the goats son would never get up to anything irresponsible. But just as she says that, Katie walks by with a bottle of rum, Effy and Cook are passionately making out (it's worth noting that Freddie is not participating in the party, instead sitting exasperatedly on the couch), and Pandora comes to ask him when he's going to come jump her, because she's taken her bra off and everything... before realizing that there's a woman at the door, and she should be trying to impress her.

Thomas' mother says that she's sending him home and that all of the Skins gang is disgusting. We see one single tear roll down Thomas' cheek, and then he's packed his bags to go back to Congo. Pandora sits in her Aunt Elizabeth's house, her head in Elizabeth's lap next to a giant chainsaw. It's interesting that she goes to Elizabeth instead of her mother- we'll learn in the next episode why that is. Sidenote: we see Aunt Elizabeth smoking a joint in this scene, so it seems like she did know what the “tea” was all along. Last thought: Effy seems OOC in the latter half of this episode. Less in control, less fit and mysterious. But she has just found out that her mum is having an affair and they've just gotten in a fight about it, so I think she's taking more drugs than usual. Which explains why her face is a little more expressive than usual.

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rookisaknight · 6 years

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MBTI and the Seeds

Religious bullshit, meet personality bullshit. I took to 16personalities for a direction on this and was actually pretty convinced by the majority of the results (which is whack because 16personalities almost always gets at least one letter off), but I have an unfathomably large amount of information about this test stored in my grey matter so I’ll be hopping off a bit to fill in my own blanks. Also notable is the severe trauma each of the Seeds have been through

This is going under a cut because it's a long post and honestly might be more worthwhile as a reference for myself and how I write the Seeds, but I can’t be the only personality nerd in this fanbase.

Jacob Seed: ISTJ. The Logistician

I wasn’t sold on this one initially given that Jacob seems far more comfortable with out of control situations than most Js generally are, but I find the overall profile fits him better than ISTP. My explanation is that his time in the juvie, the military, and the foster system has forced a maturation of this particular function due to constantly feeling out of control, which makes him more open to adaptation than he would have been otherwise.

Strengths:

Honest and Direct: Notably Jacob is arguably the least manipulative Seed. He “tricks” you in a sense with the conditioning but that is more a strategic concealment than any deception. Unlike the other three, Jacob does not pretend that his actions come from any sense of love or divine calling. He is always straightforward with the deputy, even if that doesn’t restrain his cruelty.

Strong-willed and Dutiful: Basically see all of the Book of Joseph, as well as his “you think I care if I die” comments. I lump very responsible under this.

Calm and Practical: I don’t think I have to explain this part. Jacob never reacts from an explicitly emotional place. The “did you think you were free” is the closest to losing his temper I think we see from him. He has expectations, and failure to meet them will be punished. He doesn’t see a need to get emotional about it, preferring to detach himself

Create and Enforce Order: Well, culling the herd is an unconventional tactic, but...

Weaknesses:

Stubborn: As Joseph said, Jacob has been getting into it since he was a kid. Even with the brother, he’s willing to die for, he explicitly argues with him. And even in the face of his own death, he refuses to rescind his own philosophy, or even demonstrate any regret for the path he’s chosen.

Insensitive and Judgemental: Jacob’s a shithead no I will not elaborate

Always By the Book: an illegal paramilitary cult, yes, but one that holds to Jacob’s exacting standards.

Often Unreasonably Blames Themselves: Loath as I am to woobify Jacob at all, there’s a pathos to him. As Joseph says, he thinks of himself as a “weapon without a purpose. A soldier without a legacy”. As a child, he protected his siblings and as an adult, he views himself as little more than a meatshield. There’s a sense that he objectifies himself, reduces himself down to simply the function of violence and protection, and those high standards mean that he views death as simply another failure.

can bastard be a personality type

Joseph Seed: ISFP- The Observer

The test originally gave me INFP, but I find that unconvincing for two reasons. One, INFP’s are predominantly defined by an open-minded approach to life and to ideas, which doesn’t fit well with a guy so convinced he got religion right that he was willing to kidnap and murder people. Two, while Joseph is definitely contemplative and deals with the symbolic, his “visions” are not flights of fancy but are in some sense practical. He doesn’t really appear to engage in thought experiments, merely interpret sensory (or in this case extrasensory) information that he is presented with.

Strengths:

Charming: The man runs a successful church for a reason, and it can’t just be good cheekbones and dogwhistling

Sensitive to Others: Joseph has a keen insight into other people’s emotional state, which is what makes him so effective at manipulating them. He tends to meet people where they’re at with a certain deftness that would be impressive if he didn’t use it the way he did

Passionate: about the LORD. No, but I’ll give this to the man, he’s certainly got a vision, and sticks to it with intensity.

Curious: I think anyone working in the business of people has to have an inherently curious mind, and while Joseph may believe he has all the answers, his fascination with the Deputy to me indicates that he has an inherent draw to things that disrupt his world. I also think about how he would get in trouble as a child for seeking out forbidden material, such as Spiderman comics. those Satanic webs...

Weaknesses:

Fiercely Independent: He’s developed a supportive community now but Joseph has always marched to the beat of his own awful, awful drum, which has gotten him kicked out of at least one job and lost him at least one set of foster parents. He doesn’t seem to need people as much as he acquires them

Unpredictable: Sometimes with blood, sometimes with forgiveness, it's hard to say how Joseph will respond to disruption on any given day. Where the spirit leads, I suppose.

Easily Stressed: This one I’ll actually argue that his turbulent history and the demands of his job have at least taught him to cover this up, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t cracks in the armor. “yOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!!!!!”

Overly Competitive: He’s a sore loser with a tendency to punish people for failing him (see: Faith and the statue)

Fluctuating Self-Esteem: He’s dealing with a joint worldview where he is at once God’s chosen and a “no one from nowhere with nothing”. How much of that is genuine we may never know, but I don’t think the fluctuation is outside the realm of possibility

John Seed: ESFJ-The Consul

I was a little on the fence about N vs S but ultimately found that John’s a bit more concrete than conceptual.

Strengths:

Strong Practical Skills: I mean, the man orchestrated a hostile takeover of an entire county, he knows how to get things done when he wants

Strong Sense of Duty, Very Loyal: This part is likely underdeveloped given how tempestuous forming relationships was for most of his life, but given how bound he feels to Joseph its clearly in him.

Good at Connecting With Others: He’s a shitstain, but according to Joseph he had business connections everywhere and was basically a walking secret storage bin. John can probably be very charming if you don’t know how he spends his weekends in the bunker.

Sensitive and Warm: again, underdeveloped given his background, but there’s clearly a lot of emotions broiling just below the surface given how volatile he can be and how easily Joseph can access them. Joseph also describes him as a very sensitive kid, for what that’s worth

Weaknesses

Worried About Their Social Status: The boy is a climber

Inflexible: He holds pretty firmly to his headcanons on Hope County (for fuck’s sake John Nick’s sin isn’t Greed, its Sloth) and has a very definite view on how things should be. Not to mention he seems very particular, just based on the state of his home and his clothes. He has rituals and habits, and will not deviate.

Vulnerable to Criticism: If you say anything about his future receding hairline he will cry. He just will. Not to mention I’m citing that look he gives you when you’re apparently costing him paradise by not converting

Often Too Needy: He will either get attention or he will die trying.

Too Selfless: Honestly, selfless isn’t the right word here, but I’ll copy the way 16 personalities describes it because I think it fits really well for John. “ Consuls sometimes try to establish their value with doting attention, something that can quickly overwhelm those who don’t need it, making it ultimately unwelcome. Furthermore, Consuls often neglect their own needs in the process.” John is a deeply selfish person but he does act like someone who tries to get affection by giving everything of himself, often to the point that he makes the other person uncomfortable.

I literally love this dramatic edit it's so good

Faith Seed/Rachel Jessop: ENFP-The Campaigner

I have nothing to add, it just fits. At the most, I think Faith is a little more pragmatic than she lets on (given that whole “if violence is the only language you choose to speak”) but to me, that can easily be an extension of the ENFP’s ability to connect emotionally. It means they know how to cut people off

Strength

Curious: I mean you don’t end up in a cult willingly without a little curiosity. Faith also seems mildly intrigued by the Deputy’s resistance, and while this eventually culminates in frustration with our intractability, I believe there’s a genuine investment in the journey to conversion

Observant: Faith is cued into her public perception, both from the resistance and the cult, and consciously constructs it. She also shares Joseph’s ability to tune into emotions and exploit them.

Energetic and Enthusiastic: How much of her ray of sunshine persona is constructed for the benefit of converting people will probably never be answered, but I don’t believe it can be constructed whole cloth. I think Rachel always was a person with a lot of heart and enthusiasm for her passions, even if it's not as constant as Faith Seed wants you to believe

Excellent Communicators: There’s a reason she’s regarded as the Siren. She can talk people into things even they don’t want to do. Certainly left me shook

Know How To Relax: *insert weed joke here*

Very Popular and Friendly: Again, her Siren persona may not be 100% genuine, but you can’t fake that level of charisma

Weaknesses:

Poor Practical Skills: Listen, Rachel is smart as hell (definitely smart enough to develop a drug and orchestrate mass production thereof), but her planning skills? Not great. Up until Burke gets taken out of the Bliss her plan seemed to be “talk with the Deputy over and over until they change their mind”. She kicks it up a notch after she finally gets annoyed with us but it seems a bit more “making it up as she goes”, and she falls back on strategies that have worked for her before but aren’t really effective for the Deputy. In fairness, I don’t think any of the Seeds are strong in the planning department

Overthink Things, Get Stressed Easily: Unlike with John and Jacob, Faith doesn’t really let us in to see her darker side. She prefers to speak of her flaws in the past tense. Yet clearly anxiety has been an issue in her life, given how deeply her isolation sat with her and her sense of worthlessness. Using drugs as an escape from stress also makes sense for her character, at least from my perspective

Highly Emotional: Faith communicates in emotional terms, manipulates people through emotions, and unlike someone like Jacob Faith loses her temper. She shouts at us, demonstrates her frustration very openly, even screams at us that we couldn’t possibly understand her.

Independent to a Fault: Her personal history gives her some interesting codependent issues with Joseph but based on what we hear of her from Tracey Rachel resented anyone trying to control her, even if they had her best interests at heart, and was perfectly willing to burn bridges over people questioning her choices.

If people are interested I can develop these out more. I may eventually do these for the police force members too but frankly, we’re given less to deal with for them, in particular with Joey and Staci, so who knows.

#far cry 5 #fc5 #joseph seed #jacob seed #john seed #faith seed #rachel jessop #mbti #headcanons

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moonfox281 · 6 years

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Hi I was wondering if you can write a one-shot or anything with mob wife au where Dick didnt realize he had a kink for Jason's scent until Jason went on a business trip and Dick is missing his husband but can only cling on the smell of Jason that still lingers on their bed. Then when Jason came back from the trip, they had some smoking hot scene together. That's all, thank you so much and I just want to say I really love your writing, your fics especially mob boss au. Keep up the good work.

Hehe, I love the way your mind works.

(Click here for AO3 link)

“I have business trip next week.”

Dick rolled on the bed and looked at Jason, brows quirked up. “Excuse me?”

Jason, in only his pants that hung loosely on his sculpted hips, switched on his legs and looked down like a kicked puppy. He had always looked good half naked. Dick enjoyed watching the way his ripped muscles buddle up, coiling like powerful waves of tropical ocean at the time of July.

“Honey,” Jason started, stopped, bit his lip, then tried again. “It’s only for 2 days, 3 at top.”

“I don’t care if it’s a whole damn month, you’ll miss John’s first day at school.”

“I know, and I don’t want that. Trust me, you and I, we’ve planned this for months. It’s just… job.”

Dick rolled his eyes, looking outside the window of their penthouse bedroom. To say he was disappointed was an understatement, but he knew Jason’s job. He remembered nights of the early years when Bruce skipped dinner or not even going home at all, leaving the 9 years old him alone wondering to himself if he was being abandoned again. In the end, had Jason’s illegal empire ever been different from a business enterprise?

They were all the same, just different customers, and different needs.

Jason crawled over on the bed, looming over him. His hand went up, sliding the hem of Dick’s robe open. “I’ll make it up to you. I swear.”

“Oh, and how are you going to do that, Mr. Todd?”

Dick looked at him, tried to not let the way Jason’s eyes glowed get to him. He caught his hand, stopped it from sliding further on his skin, but Jason, the damn superhuman human he married, pushed him down the mattress and caged his wrists on the headboard.

“I can think of a few things, Mr. Todd.”

Dick had gotten used to being alone. Not lonely, but alone. His husband was an international crime organizer, and he went then and there every month. Trips to the airport were a casual thing to Dick by now, to the point he remembered every possible route and shortcut they could ever take. There was an alley right in the corner of Bull street that led to a secret underground way that went all the way to the airport fly gate, built and used only by the Red Hood elite gang members. Or there was this huge International Delivery Service facility right next to the airport, that was actually a front of the gang’s medical and tactical emergency response forces. It was very hard to forget that one time Dick was traveling to Washington and the whole airport went in alarm because a kid forgot his backpack with a special toy in it. The moment the announcement hit the speaker system, Jason’s men marched in from practically everywhere and whisked Dick away while he was still in the middle of processing what the hell was going on.

Marrying Jason meant everything to Dick, but sometimes, the things that came along could be a little bit too much, like the heavy ring on Dick’s finger that kept making him think how terrible it would be if he punched somebody, or like right now, sitting in a bulletproof SUV with two guards in tactical vests with three assault rifles, and … well, Jason. The thing was like a damn fortress, both inside and out. Ahead of them, a normal looking Forb was actually driven by Jefferson, the head of Jason’s security and tactical director, carrying three other guards all in disguise, and behind, an old minivan with one of Jason’s many task forces inside.

It felt like they were going to war sometimes. Worse, Dick knew Jason only went this extra mile when Dick was with him. Normally if he was going alone, Jason would even drive himself.

“You want anything when I get back?” Jason squeezed his hand, smiling like a dork.

“As if I even need anything anymore.”

“You sure? Russia has quite good chocolate.”

Dick huffed. “Are you trying to make me fat?”

“Oh we all know your body has that special system, making all the fat go in one particular place.”

He swatted Jason’s head, and heard him laugh out loud. Dick glanced around and looked at the guards, watching the corners of their mouths quirk up, and blushed heavily. God, if embarrassing Dick was Jason’s way of making his guards stay loyal, he was doing a fantastic job.

They arrived at the airport peacefully, as if Jason would ever let anything happen. Dick could bet his money that his husband even had snipers crawling somewhere on the nearby rooftops to cover for them.

The jet was already waiting by the time their cars made to the place. Jefferson went out to talk with the pilots, guards wandered around to do a recheck on everything. They got off the car, Jason kissed his hand, a duffle bag over his shoulder. His vest, well ironed and matt black, did things to the blue in his eyes and that cocky smirk he always wore like a damn badge. Usually when he dressed well, it meant some people were going to get killed. After years of marriage, Dick knew it would be the best to not talk about it. “I’ll be back by Wednesday, if not, you know the drill.”

“Oh you better be back by Wednesday. You owe John a day out.”

“I did say it may take up to 3 days, didn’t I?”

“Oh yes, but if you can make it back sooner…” Dick licked his lip, biting it while watching the way Jason gulped.

“Wednesday it is then.”

When waving his goodbye, Hank, another of Jason’s boy, stood next to him and shook his head.

“You do know how to walk him around.”

Dick just smiled, and watched the jet take off.

On the first night, things went on like usual. Jason called right away once he landed, and he talked with John for almost half an hour before homework whisked the boy away. He talked about how terrible the cold was at this time of the year in Russia, how empty his huge hotel room was without his family, and how much he wished he could be there with them eating Dick’s homemade steaks and mash sweet potato.

International crime organization meant international movement every now and then. There were nights when Jason woke up at 4 in the morning, barely an hour back from patrol to get ready for a flight overseas.

Most of the times Dick stayed at home and waited, on some occasions he would go with Jason to watch his back. Dick had got used to it, had got used to rubbing his nose on the empty bed sheet at night when his husband was away, or curling on the couch of his favorite reading area by the window to fell asleep more easily.

Patrol had been strikingly easy since marriage, with Jason’s growing power in the underworld, and Bruce’s widening crime fighting community. And tonight, just like every time Jason went away, the streets were even quieter than ever.

Dick always knew Jason got something to do with this.

“Did you get home safe?”

Dick huffed and rolled his eyes when taking off his Nightwing suit. Safe used to be a foreign conception of his life, applying more for the people around him rather than Dick himself.

“With 5 of your men and the amount of firearms they carry? You’re lucky we didn’t get pulled over by the cops, they’d probably think we were on our way to rob the National Bank.”

Jason chuckled. “You’ll be fine. The cops on duty tonight were all my men.”

Dick dropped his shirt. Thinking about all the routes they had passed today and suddenly lost his words. He knew Jason had insight in the law enforcement, knew how usual this happened for most big crime organizers. Still, it was a bit of a shock.

“All of them?” Dick asked, slightly wished Jason was just joking.

“All of them.” Jason wasn’t joking.

Dick enjoyed the way Jason chuckle. He had always loved his deep voice, the roughness of it, it made his sweet man sounded edgy, manly, with a hint of mysterious, just like the classic novels he read.

“What are you doing?”

“Having breakfast. Just got up actually, last night kept me up a little too late.” Jason’s sigh sounded tired, and Dick caught the sound of him moving on the bed. “What are you doing?”

“Getting change. Tonight was surprisingly easy, thanks to you.”

Jason yawned and hummed a soft sound. Dick could imagine the face he was making, could vision the hand he rubbed on the back of his neck, moving it up to comb through the short locks, a soft smile he had on his dozy face, teeth white and even showing through the crack of his lips.

“What are you wearing?” He spoke, after a beat of silence.

“What?”

Jason chuckled again. “What do you have left on your body?”

“Right now? Nothing but a robe.”

“Good. Where are you now?”

“In our bedroom.” Dick bit his lips, getting a glimpse of what Jason was having in mind.

“Why don’t you put me on speaker, baby?”

Dick thought about it for a second, then left to peak out at the living room. Hank was lurking near the elevator, and no sign of Jefferson. The man had probably gone upstairs. Dick swallowed then got back to the room, locking the door carefully.

“Okay.” He said, putting the phone on the speaker on top of the office desk by the window.

“Now, why don’t you strip for me?”

Dick shivered when Jason’s voice came out as loud and clear as if he was right here in the room with him. He closed his eyes, slid his fingers tips down the thick fabric, tugging at the belt before pulling it off completely. The hems ran off his shoulders, the whole robe felt down, puddling behind his feet. His skin revealed to the space, uncovered and still steaming after the hot shower.

“Is it cold?”

Dick shifted, switching on his legs, and swallowed. “A little.”

Jason chuckled, the sound of the sheet moving under his weight came clearer. “Touch yourself.”

Dick thought about it, thought about the three of Jason’s men lurking around inside his house just a door away, thought about John sleeping upstairs, but then about Jason on his hotel bed, more or less naked too with a hand sliding down near his member.

He bit on his lip, then did what he was told. His fingers slid on naked skin, lightly shaken and cold. His breaths were getting louder, and Jason was getting responsive by it.

“That’s it,” He breathed. “That’s it, baby. Imagine I was there.”

Dick did. He thought of the way Jason always touched him, of his big hands, his patchy knuckles, his calloused fingers rubbing against his scars. He would toy with his belly button, caress his nipples until they hardened. Meanwhile, his lips would land down the side of Dick’s neck, peppering kisses, sucking skin while his hands had their game on Dick’s body.

Dick’s hands traced down to his cock, shivering when the first touch landed but soon, it felt like nothing was enough.

“You sound good, baby.” Jason’s voice came out low, rumbling like an animal. It did things to Dick. “Climb on the bed. Keep touching yourself.”

Dick followed his every word, crawling on the mattress with a hand between his thighs.

“Play with your back too.”

Dick bit on the sheet when his fingers made their way further to the back. He felt his rim there, twitching like expecting something.

“Do you feel yourself there?”

Dick nodded to himself, shakily answered. “I do.”

When the first finger went in, he gasped. His inside felt hot and soft, and the feel of it brought all sort of a new experience to Dick. He wondered to himself if this was how the inside of him had always felt like.

When the second finger made its way in, Dick moaned. And Jason must have reacted to it, because briefly through his closed lids and heaving, Dick caught on the sound of his husband’s choked out laugh.

For a few seconds, Dick couldn’t do anything but stayed still and relaxed. This was too much, this felt too much. It amazed him thinking about how his body usually took in Jason’s fingers and then his thing because it sure felt a lot harder doing this all by himself.

“Breathe, baby. Breathe.” Jason cooed, softly.

Dick inhaled, exhaled. Three times, then by the fourth, he felt much better and eager to move.

It felt good. God, it felt so good he actually cried out.

Jason’s chuckles got louder, his breathing got heavier, his bed creaked a little, the sheet moved around. Dick didn’t need to see to know his husband was enjoying the hell out of this phone call.

“Can you take in three?”

This time, he was sure he would get even louder so he bit on the sheet even harder and muffled it all. In the background, Jason was cursing, laughing, then heaving. He was breathing through his mouth and groaning. Dick could tell he was jerking himself by the sound and mental image of Dick spreading out and fingering himself on their bed.

“Baby I’m so close.”

Dick was close too, but he couldn’t get off like this, couldn’t get off like this if it wasn’t Jason. So he rubbed his face on the sheet, and wormed the other hand down to touch his rock hard cock. Even the slightest touch sent electric to his spine, and the bed smelt like Jason, his woody smelt, thick, heavy, musky like the wood at fall after a good rain.

Dick missed his touch, missed his warmth, the way he always whispered the sweetest things to his ear while making love.

His nose rubbed on the sheet, and the thing was coated was Jason’s scent.

He came, hard, with Jason name on his tongue. The orgasm struck him with full force that made his knees weak and shake, Dick himself felt shamelessly blessed that their place was well soundproof enough so the guards wouldn’t think he wasn’t being butchered and barge in.

He must have passed out, Dick was sure of it. Because for a minute he just laid there, heaving, ass in the air and knees down and legs too numb too feel anything, feeling the cool sweat coating his back and running on his heated skin.

Jason must have climaxed when Dick’s head was still somewhere around cloud nine, because when he laughed, the sound came calmly relaxed and satisfied.

“I love you.”

Dick laughed, blowing the hair that had felt down his face. He would need a shower again, and change the sheet.

“Jason,” He called, stopping for a beat to catch on his own breath, swallowing for the sake of his dry throat. “Wednesday?”

Jason chuckled, moving on the bed again. This time, his voice got louder, but odd enough, wispier too, as if he had pressed his lips so close to the speaker like sending the words straight to Dick’s core.

“Wednesday.”

“You big fucking liar.”

Jason went silent, but even through the phone, Dick could understand that was his way of admitting defeat. The whole house turned back to look at him, even Beast hopped his head up from where he was lying. Jefferson peaked through Hank’s shoulder to look at Dick’s reaction before turning to look at each other.

His guards had been staying over his place since Jason went off. Jason’s order, of course, even when most of what they did were carrying his bags and reaching for items on the top shelves while grocery shopping.

“You said Wednesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday already. I expected you to drive John to school because you’ve already missed two of his first days. But now you’re telling me you’ll be stuck there for another 3 days?”

“Ba‒Baby,” Jason shuttered. Jason never shuttered, only to Dick. “It just came out of nowhere. I swore, I didn’t have this coming.”

“You didn’t have it coming? Right, who messed up this bad that you have to stay this long?”

“If I tell you, death would be a mercy for them. No, honey, no. I’ll call John later, tell him I’m sorry‒”

“You’ll miss his first football test!” Dick screamed. Literally screamed.

“Dickie, baby, I know. But‒” There was sound of door opening, and then next was Jason’s faraway voice cursing and groaning. “Fuck what? No, I’m talking to my husband, tell them to fucking wait… What? Now?! Tell them the last goddamn person said that to me was strangled alive.”

“Jason, are you in trouble?” Dick growled. He slammed his smoothie down the marble counter so hard Bob — the same grumpy sarcastic Viking vibe Bob who had a man bun and a bazooka on his back five days out of seven — literally jumped.

“Jason Peter Todd.”

“Yes, Dickie? No, I’m not in trouble, more like some people are gonna be in serious trouble because of me. But no need to worry, I have to go, but I’ll be back soon, I swear.”

“I hold little faith to your promises right now, Jay. Whatever, just don’t cause a national crisis, and don’t.get.in.any.trouble.”

From the way the whole three of Jason’s men widely looked at him when he grunted out every word, Dick was confident Jason got the message crystal clear.

“Ye‒Yes sir.” Dick was right. “I really have to go now. I’ll call back when I can, I love you.”

“Love you too.” Dick mumbled back then shut the phone, throwing it down the counter with a sigh.

He needed to kill Jason, and get some tea. John was still asleep by this hour, and the penthouse felt too big without most of his family present.

“Annie, can you make me some tea?”

His butler, Anastasia smiled at him. On the stove, the kettle was already screaming. “I kinda figured you would say that.” She hushed Jefferson outside of the kitchen so she could reach toward the drawer, pulling out Dick’s favorite cup set. “I have to admit, before working for you, I had in mind the Red Hood was a more fearless man.”

“Oh you have no idea.” Dick rolled his eyes and got over the counter for his tea selection. Jason always left the coffee bags scattered around in this particular drawer despite how many time Dick had told him not to.

“I guess you’re just special enough to bring out that side of him.”

Dick turned back to look at the back of Anna and her strawberry blonde hair when she slid the lemongrass to put into the teapot. Anna was Mac’s wife, one of Jason’s gang head members, and one of the few Jason truly trusted to let be around his family. Mac was a busy man so that Jason wouldn’t be busy himself, for that, Anna, without a job and three kids always at school, was usually left lonely at home until one day, Jason offered he might need a butler for their penthouse in Diamond District.

She loved the job. She loved it too much she wouldn’t let Dick cook sometimes.

“Are those boys going to join you for lunch?” Anna asked with a specific smirk, and Dick knew what she was talking about.

Hank waved back at her with his gun, his very very big gun, next to him, Jefferson was pointing at something on the tablet for Bob, who looked like he was armed for a zombie apocalypse rather than guarding a 20 years experience vigilante.

Three elite guards from his very own personal protection team, tagging along to anywhere at any time, assigned directly by the Red Hood himself.

One week ago Dick had got back to the Manor and had a little tea talk with Damian. The boy had asked him if Jason was treating him well. Dick could only have laughed.

Jason was treating him too well it was hard to watch sometimes.

“Blue,” Hank smirked, coming over and pulling a chair out next to Dick. “You like the Turkish Delights I made last time?”

Dick huffed, thanking God secretly that all these men were wise enough to not talk about their Boss when Dick was still mad at him. Behind him, Anna chuckled while watching Hank look eager for his answer.

“I do, very much. Who would have thought these big hands can make such lovely sweets.”

He wriggled his brows at Hank, and pulled the gun out of his hand, disabled it at ease. “No guns on the counter.”

Hank looked back at him, dumbfounded. Jefferson, who seemed to have enough talking with Bob about the things on the tablet, went over and snapped a finger at the man.

“Blue,” He turned to Dick, eyes looking everywhere on his face before meeting his eyes. Dick never took Jefferson in as a shy man, but he acted like he had choked on his tongue sometimes. “Technically I’m not allowed to do this, but if you want to know Boss’s schedule, please ask me, I can make some calls, ask Trevor around. Do not do any research by yourself.”

Dick twirled on his chair and tried to act normal in front of Jefferson’s serious face and Anna’s big fat smile when handling over his tea. Anna even put a slice of lemon into his cup, what a lovely butler she was.

“Blue, are you listening to me?”

“I am, I am.”

“So you remember the routines, right?”

Dick rolled his eyes. These men, they were treating Dick as a child.

“No patrol over 6 hours. No going out without a team. No new cases without backup. No traveling overseas or out of the gang’s territory. No skipping meals during the days. And get back home before 3 AM.”

Dick was seriously getting a headache listening to Bob covering all the things Jason had repeated to him over and over again every time he went on a business trip.

“Guys, you are all aware that I’m perfectly capable of winning a 10 men SWAT team in exactly 7 minutes and a half, right? You must be, you’ve seen me do that before.”

Hank rubbed a hand over his face, and his beard, biting on his cheek as if trying to find the right words to say. “Blue, you wear spandex, literal spandex that gets cut and burnt and not bulletproof.”

“Yeah, and spandex that helps me fly.”

Jefferson put his tablet down the marble counter, sighed, and squeezed Dick’s hand. “Blue, I know you fly, and you fly beautifully. We just want to keep you safe, as safe as possible, and Boss not killing us for not trying.”

“Oh he won’t kill any of you, not if I tell him so.”

Jefferson sighed, seemingly exhausted. “Blue.”

“Okay, okay. Jesus.” Dick actually laughed. He could play this game, besides, it was nice to have someone around running errand for him.

Jefferson knelt down, head leveled with Dick’s stomach. He put his hand on Dick’s knee, a harmless gesture but Dick got a feeling it carried something more than just what it seemed.

“If I ever have to watch you in a 3 weeks coma again, I think I’ll actually die.”

Dick barked out a laugh, sipped on his tea, and patted Jefferson’s on the head.

Dick didn’t know he had fallen asleep, until his body reacted out of instinct.

A hand caught his wrist, blocking his blow fully and strong. Jefferson’s face came clear in the dark, closer than Dick had expected. His forearm planted on the head of the couch, and his beard had a strange grey color under the moonlight when looming over Dick like this.

Dick let out the breath he had been holding, hands tugged at the wool blanket on his shoulder. He didn’t know why he did that, suddenly, he just felt naked in front of the man’s eyes.

“You’ll catch a cold if you sleep here.” Jefferson said so, but right after that, he left to fire up the fireplace.

Dick watched the way his back flex when hunching down. His thick muscle bundled up, barely hidden underneath the thin cover of his shirt. Dick had seen him naked a few times, knew well how bulky this man actually was underneath all the layers of armor he carried most of the time. The gun holster hugged tight to his arms and shoulders. You could always know how fit a man was by the way the shoulder holster hugged on them.

Jefferson walked back after setting the fire. Dick watched the fireplace light the room up, painting dancing shadows on the walls as Jefferson made his way back to the couch he was curling on, knelt down one knee, one arm planted down the cushion right next to Dick’s legs.

He stared at Dick in silence, so serious and focused as if analyzing him.

Dick rubbed the edge of the blanket on his nose, tearing his gaze away and laying his head down his knees. “Don’t ask.” He whispered.

“It’s okay to miss him.”

“I know.”

Dick knew. But if felt like a joke, showing this side of him to someone. Jason was only away for four days, back then, they used to avoid each other for months, but now, Dick felt torturous waiting for the sun to come up and down without a body pressed next to him.

Jason’s scent still lingered on the sheet, in the first two days, it shooed Dick to sleep like coating him in his husband’s warm embrace. Now, his scent only reminded Dick of his absence in the room.

Jefferson looked down his feet, then up at Dick. He pushed his lips into a thin line, the hand he had on the couch lightly rubbed on Dick’s blanket-covered legs.

“This is the first time he goes on a business trip this long without you by his side.”

Dick smiled, hopping Jefferson didn’t catch the way his lips was weighing down. “Yeah. He’s never gone this long.”

Dick could feel Jefferson’s eyes on him, he just didn’t care anymore. The fire reminded him of a night when they got back from an undercover mission, too pent up by leftover energy and adrenaline of jumping off a 20 stories building, they had sex countless times by the fireplace, and then danced naked in the dark, with only the red and orange light as music and guidance to their steps.

“Why don’t you call him?”

Jefferson’s words brought surprise to Dick, half because how they broke the peaceful silence between them, and half of the meaning they carried.

Dick tugged himself in tighter, had this major urge to curl himself into a ball and hide away from just everyone’ eyes.

“I don’t think I have any right to say I miss him.”

Jefferson frowned, hunched over even closer. “What makes you think so?”

“Because I’ve made him wait much longer.”

Dick had expected Jefferson to just leave him be like that. To his surprise, the man pulled out his phone, and dialed Jason’s contact.

Dick caught on his wrist, half amazed, half panicked. “What are you doing?”

“Calling him for you.” Jefferson deadpanned.

“He could be working. He could be busy.”

Jefferson only stared back, smiling.

“For you? He won’t be.”

Dick was cleaning their dressing room when the stack of shirts he was folding fell off where he had laid them on the wardrobe.

“Oh for Christ sake.” He mumbled and went over to pick it up and fold them again.

Jason’s side was always on the left. Most of his clothes were shirts, jackets (a lot of them), coats, and suits. He had a few hoodies, and a few tanks, but overall, his tastes ran short in just a few styles. Unlike him, Dick liked to test things out on his right side, with oversized tees (mostly stolen from Jason’s), cotton shirts, polos, blazers, sweaters, turtlenecks, sweatshirts. Even Babs choked when she saw his side of the wardrobe. Dick remembered when they first moved in, Jason had joked, Dick’s side had to be right, because he was always right.

Picking up a jacket of Jason that he had planned to hang up the hanger, Dick took a decent look at it, and tried to recall the last time Jason had worn it.

Driven by curiosity, he lifted the collar up, and smelt it.

A satisfied sigh was drawn out. The thing smelt clean, a whip of worn leather even though looking new, and just like Jason. Jason, who smelt like old wood, burnt charcoal, and home.

“You really miss me that much?”

Dick yelped, whole body jointed up when caught by Jason’s voice. He turned back, and his husband was standing right there, leaning on the doorway, smirking devilishly.

“You are… home?” Dick tried to catch on his breath, a hand smoothed on his chest. He threw the jacket right back to the stack of clothes so quick like the thing had offended him.

Jason chuckled and walked over, invading Dick’s personally space in the speed of light.

“You’re not happy?”

“No, I just… I thought you’d be back tomorrow.”

“Well, I decided to wrap things up sooner than scheduled, because a certain someone was missing me so badly he had to listen to my voice to fall asleep last night.”

Dick blushed when taken over by the memory of last night. Jefferson had called Jason for him, and they had talked for what felt like hours, to the point Dick couldn’t recall when he had passed out, only to wake up in a bed with Beast staring at him in the morning.

Jason caught his chin, lifted it up with his fingers so they could face each other. Dick could mirror himself on the intense blue of Jason’s eyes.

“Tell me, how bad did you miss me?”

Dick swallowed, breathing through his mouth when Jason’s lips brushed over his.

“You already know.” He whispered back, shivered when felt a hand wormed its way underneath his shirt and palm on the small of his back.

In his head, Dick had expected the hand Jason had on him to travel down a little lower, or his lips to trace the side of his neck so his teeth could lightly gaze his skin like how he always did. To his surprise, Jason only pulled him closer, drowning him in his warmth and familiar scent of his. His arms, his big arms, wrapped around Dick as if promising to never let go of him.

“5 days,” He whispered in the crook of Dick’s neck. “5 damn days. I missed you and John like crazy.”

Dick chuckled, rubbing his face on Jason’s shoulder because he could.

“Tell me, how bad did you miss me?”

Jason barked out a laugh, arms still squeezing Dick into his chest. He kissed his hair, and their legs were swaying on their own.

#jaydick #mob boss au #mob wife au #My writing #writing prompt

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mindfullofyoga · 5 years

Text

Buddhism – Right Mindfulness

And what we can learn from Winnie the Pooh

Holding on to things = attachment = suffering. So what to do? Live in a cave and don’t make plans, goals, not dream anymore? That’s not human. We have been given a very creative mind that can think-up so many different stories and scenario’s. The problem is that we get stuck in those stories and live our lives in our heads rather than being present to the moment. And when the present moment is different from what we had imagined before we feel unhappy.

The present moment has usually so much more to offer than what we make of it. As we look into the world through the colored glasses of our expectations of how something should be, we unconsciously program our experience of that moment. In the beginning we are unaware of this whole process and blame the world for our unhappiness:

“The management was so poor in that firm that it is totally their fault that I’m overworked and sick now!”

“I’m so done with my boyfriend! He never asks how I’m doing and shows no interest in me anymore. I feel alone, unacknowledged and unhappy. Maybe I should split up. And when I finally find mister Right, I will be fully honoured for who I am and what I have to give.”

Similarly, we love to take all the credits for when things work out and we experience flow:

“I’m so glad I took control over that whole situation and the injured person of the bike accident is now safely being brought to the hospital.”

Underneath these experiences are believes that influence the way we actually feel about a given situation. The overworked person could have a believe running that goes something like “I am a victim of the vicious outside world.” Everything that happens to her will be filtered through that lens confirming that believe. The unhappy girlfriend might believe that others are responsible for making her happy. By doing so she does not take responsibility for her own life and keeps pointing at others. And our hero of the day might believe that he is super smart and strong.

So the way we experience our lives tells us a lot about how we unconsciously have programmed ourselves inside to look at life in the first place. And this is amazingly interesting! We shift away from making the outside world responsible for how feel. This insight can leave us feeling overwhelmed thinking “So is it all my fault then that I feel miserable and depressed?” It feels so much nicer to blame the outside world for that actually, and not being the source of one’s own unhappiness. However, by dumping that responsibility we also dump the possibility to step out of this victim mode. Because, when circumstances are different we can also feel in charge and confident – and we like to claim the credits for those feelings, don’t we?

Right Mindfulness invites us to become aware of what’s powering our thoughts & feelings, our words and actions. We start to ask ourselves questions like: Through which colored glasses do I look into the world? Which unconscious expectations do I have about myself and others and the goals I have? We can use this new level of awareness to replace limiting believes for supporting ones, shaping a new mindset and wearing new glasses.

Right mindfulness also invites us to stay present in the moment. What does that mean? It means that we want to receive a given situation the way it is. Not wanting it to be different. Fully acknowledging it.

This is easy when moments are happy and more challenging when they are unhappy. It’s a sort of dropping into the moment, surrendering to what is and letting go of our expectations of how something should have been. A mind that tells us to do whatever to move out of an awkward, unpleasant situation is a sign of resisting the present moment. The moment we figure out how to drop ourselves into a current situation, or even better: when we learn to allow this to happen, then we experience an unreasonable joy and peace in whichever situation.

It’s the space beyond a loud chattering mind. And form that space we are moved to take action again. Being in this space, rather than the mind-space is a subtle but profound difference. It’s like finding ourselves in the eye of a storm. A space of tranquillity and equanimity from where we observe life. Like Dancing Shiva – Nataraj – who stands in the middle of the ring of samsara, joyfully dancing to the rhythm of life, allowing it to unfold in its natural ups and downs and not feeling tossed around by life.

Zen Buddhism says: Nirvana is Samsara. Happiness is engaging with life from our own source of tranquillity and equanimity. That source is our natural state of being, but as humans we forget. The practices of yoga and meditation help us remind. And when we take those practices off the mat we call it Mindfulness. The moment we catch ourselves feeling tossed around by life again, it’s our doorway to connecting to our inner peace and quiet. Changing our perspectives on bad luck moments as “something inconvenient and something to be gotten rid of” into “possibilities to braoden our awareness and returning to our natural state of inner joy” is what I call “wearing new glasses”. Life provides us with plenty of great moments if we only stopped and noticed.

Actually, we can learn a lot about mindfully living in the moment and being happy from Winnie the Pooh, the most effortless and happiest bear in the world. I’m quoting from The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff:

Let’s return to The House at Pooh Corner. Christopher Robin has just asked Pooh a question:

“What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?”

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best –-“ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.

The honey doesn’t taste so good once it is being eaten; the goal doesn’t mean so much once it is reached; the reward is not so rewarding once it has been given. If we add up all the rewards in our lives, we won’t gave very much. But if we add up the spaces between the rewards, we’ll come up with quite a bit. And if we add up the rewards and the spaces, then we’ll have everything – every minute of the time that we spent. What if we could enjoy it?

The Christmas presents once opened are Not So Much Fun as they were while we were in the process of examining, lifting, shaking, thinking about, and opening them. Three hundred sixty-five days later, we try again and find that the same thing has happened. Each time the goal is reached, it becomes Not So Much Fun, and we’re off to reach the next one, then the next one, then the next.

That doesn’t mean that the goals we have don’t count. They do, mostly because they cause us to go through the process, and it’s the process that makes us wise, happy, or whatever. If we do things in the wrong sort of way, it makes us miserable, angry, confused, and things like that. […] Enjoyment of the process is the secret that erases the myths of the Great Reward […].

What could we call that moment before we begin to eat the honey? Some would call it anticipation, but we think it’s more than that. We would call it awareness. It’s when we become happy and realize it, if only for an instant. By Enjoying the Process, we can stretch that awareness out so that it’s no longer only a moment, but covers the whole thing. Then we can have a lot of fun. Just like Pooh.

And then he thought that being with Christopher Robin was a very good thing to do, and having Piglet near was a very friendly thing to have; and so, when he had thought it all out, he said: “What I like best in the whole world is Me and Piglet going to see You, and You saying ‘What about a little something?’ and Me saying, ‘Well, I shouldn’t mind a little something, should you Piglet,’ and it being a hummy sort of day outside, and birds singing.”

When we take time to enjoy our surroundings and appreciate being alive, we find we have no time to be Bisy Backsons anymore. But that’s all right, because being Bisy Backsons is a tremendous waste of time. As the poet Lu Yu wrote:

The clouds above us join and separate,

The breeze in the courtyard leaves and returns.

Life is like that, why not relax?

Who can stop us from celebrating?

Karolien, Teacher SvahaYoga Amsterdam

Sources: The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff

#svahayoga vinyasaflow yogaamsterdam yogalife vinyasayoga loveallserveall focusofthemonth inspiration yogainspiration buddhism

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theonceoverthinker · 6 years

Text

OUAT 3X06 - Ariel

Who’s ready to hear an amazing TAIL that only slightly FISHY?!

Yeah, yeah. They’re not all winners. Hit me up under the cut to read my thoughts!

Press Release

Back in the Fairy Tale Land that was, when Ariel saves Snow White from drowning in the ocean’s depths, Snow returns the favor by helping her new friend get acquainted with Prince Eric, with whom she has fallen madly in love with. Meanwhile, Emma, Mary Margaret, David and Hook attempt to save Neal, who is imprisoned in one of Pan’s encampments, and Regina and Mr. Gold begrudgingly team up to find a way to take down Pan.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

Ariel is the main focus of this segment. Her character introduction is the reason for it.

And honestly, that’s pretty great.

I think that’s pretty evident by how much the fandom loves Ariel as a whole. I’ve never met a single person who doesn’t love her and there’s a good reason why. She’s energetic, kind, has a solid introductory story that gives you everything you’ve ever needed to know about her character. Johanna’s performance is so enjoying to watch as she captures the innocence of the character of Ariel as well as the bubbliness that made the Disney version so memorable.

Present

So, we all agree, the main focus of this segment are the secrets. It’s not to say there isn’t more meat there (Ex. Rumple and Regina), but I cover more of it in other segments and my thoughts on the secrets is what you want to hear.

”The deeper the lie, the more truth in its echo.” I guess that means the more you deny the truth to yourself and others, the more true or big it really is.

And to be experimental and do something different (And because I don’t really feel like delving into the revelations that will come to pass in future seasons), I’m going to just focus my review of the present by tackling these secrets as they are and with that mindset in mind:

Killian: Killian reveals that he kissed Emma and that the kiss exposed that he can move on from Milah and love again. I buy this as a secret. To keep this short as to not get too shippy (You can find THAT bit of shippy goodness in it’s home), it makes perfect sense to me that with Killian’s redemption underway and that he’s at least willing to let Rumple live, the idea of him moving on romantically works as both a story concept and a character concept. I also like how he was apparently fighting it at every step of the way, only being fully convinced with last episode’s kiss.

Snow: Snow reveals that for as much as she loves Emma and their life together, she longs for the firsts that were denied to them and thus, wants another baby. I feel like Snow addresses David more with this secret than she does Emma and for the secret of ‘I want another baby/another chance,’ there are too many instances of “our daughter” and not enough “Emma”s for me. Now, with that out of the way, the secret itself is very in-character for Snow. I like it in terms of enjoying it as something very in-character. It’s a believable desire for her to have and Ginny really sells how badly Snow wants it. It’s also heartbreaking for Emma and that de-emphasis on her (Or rather, de-EMMA-sis -- holy shit, that may have been my best pun ever) as she tells it really sticks out because of it. It sucks that this is never brought back up too because this is sort of another case of Emma being told she’s not enough and by her own parents who she saved.

David: David, of course, reveals that he’s trapped on the island. There’s really nothing else to elaborate on here. I like how the focus is on Snow and her anger at the lie is hard and fast. It builds on what she was saying about secrets and honesty in both segments of the episode.

Emma: Finally, Emma reveals that while she’s never stopped loving Neal, the pain of losing him again caused all of the pain from long ago to return with a vengeance, and that rather than being forced to deal with the pain that their past together caused her, she wished that he’d died. Again, I’ll try not to talk about all of the shippy goodness here (Again, there’s more down below), but some will be delved into, so fair warning. Looks like I’m 4/4 because I like this one too. I get that wanting someone to die as their best self seems better than having to come to terms with the complications in their relationship. When Neal “died,” he had just apologized to Emma and made a heroic sacrifice for her and Henry. That was his last impression and believing him to be dead allows for Emma to close the book on the pain that was between them. Him being alive brings those problems to the present and makes them active again and Emma would rather that pain not be the thing that ultimately impacts her memory of Neal the most. I also love Neal’s response and fast forgiveness. For a few episodes now, Neal has been discussing all of his regrets concerning Emma and how he felt about her and that hug really says a lot about just how sorry he is.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-”Did you really think you could hide from The Evil Queen?” “Actually, yes.” This line never fails to crack me up! The shrug and surprise in Ginny’s voice really sells it.

-Look at the synchronized swords on those guards! How long do you think they practiced that?

-Damn, the water here is beautiful. The way the lighting is done paints something mystical and yet deadly af!

-”No. There has to be a way without going dark.” No, Emma. Anger does not necessitate going dark. Anger is an emotion that everyone’s entitled to feeling and it’s one that can be a force for good. The way Regina’s teaching you at the moment doesn’t go against that. Coming right after the stellar subplot in “Good Form,” this really is a disappointment to hear from Emma. Emma knows righteous fury better than anyone. That said, I completely agree with this scene for framing Regina as in the right because it’s completely warranted.

-YASSSS! Thank you, Killian for telling the truth about Neal!

-I’m fully with David and Killian here. Emotionally and strategically, it made the most sense to keep Emma in the dark about Neal being alive until they could confirm it.

-”Can you keep a secret?” Fuck no, she can’t!

-”Sorry. She deserved to know.” THEY WERE GOING TO TELL HER THE TRUTH, SNOW! PATIENCE. IT’S A REAL THING.

-Rumple, while trying to look into the future, looks like he’s either trying to summon a Final Flash from DBZ or the Doctor Strange magic hands.

-I spend a lot of time thinking about Rumple and his future telling abilities and why they never came up after this season. Like, I honestly don’t care that much about plot holes, but they can matter when they’re character-based. When a character has a power like that (One that’s been established since the pilot), there needs to be a reason for them not to use it, and Rumple, who has an over-reliance on magic as a major character trait, would use that as often as he could. In Neverland, Pan made it clear why he couldn't. But why not afterwards? Is the power just that vague that we can infer that he was using it? My personal HC is that they just went away after his first death.

-Okay, Pan is the one hell of a villain, but he’s also one hell of a chef, too! No wonder Fiona loved him!

-”You’ve lost your son Neal. Again.” You’re such an asshole, Pan, but it is like the greatest thing to watch.

-Okay, so real talk: I have misophonia and loud chewing and talking with one’s mouthful often enrages me. And Pan didn’t! I was ready to cringe when he picked up that egg in a basket, but he was fine. Pan, you may be the villain of this arc, but you’re the Savior to my ears! Thank you, Robbie Kay for enunciating properly as you eat!

-”That by killing you, all our troubles end?” Rumple: Sass Master Extraordinaire.

-Okay, so it looks like Rumple specifically has to die to kill Pan. Da fuq?

-”Have you forgiven YOUR father?” Wow, the writers of this show were just milking that twist with everything they had, didn’t they?

-”She looks fertile.” I repeat: Da fuq?

-I feel like I’d hate Snow a lot more in this episode if it weren’t for her tracking abilities finally being put to good use.

-I like Regina’s decision to leave the group from a character perspective. While the group should definitely try to save Neal, Regina, who doesn’t care about him would have no interest and after the second stop in their journey AND after talking to Henry, I can understand how all that frustration would just explode at the thought of another deviation.

-”It [the fork] is really not that valuable.” I don’t know. That is a really well made fork. XD

-”I may be heartbroken, but I’ll understand.” People, I give you Prince Eric: The only true unproblematic fave.

-Ooh! That mirror transition effect from the party to Regina’s castle was amazing!

-”Come home to Storybrooke.” Rumple, that’s as big of a red flag as there can be that that’s not Belle!

-”Are you really going to fall for this?” My sentiments exactly, Regina!

-You know, this is some great acting on Emilie’s part! She has to pull off a suffocation scene as the victim with no physical help from another actor. She really sells fake Belle’s desperation and panic!

-Speaking of good acting, look at Robert’s face when he discovers that Pan’s shadow was fake Belle. For the first time, we see a full display of the true fear Rumple has for his father!

-For as much as I’m apprehensive about Snow in the present segments, I’m LOVING her in the past. She’s so kind and supportive.

-”Thanks. For nothin’.” A little ungrateful there, aren’t you, Ariel?

-I giggled for a good twenty seconds at Regina saying “Ah-riel!”

-”You’re not gonna die at anyone’s hands but my own.” Honestly, Rumple dies at EVERYONE’S hands but your own!

-”Because I came here to kill him and die in the process!” Rumple, you are so fucking extra! Still bring the freakin’ weapon! You are so gloriously extra!

-Lana is having such a fun time playing Regina playing Ursula and I’m loving it! XD

-I took another five second giggle at “Dil-EMMA.”

-”I lost half my crew inside those rock walls.” Wow. This has gotta hurt.

-”He believes once we do [Reveal our secrets], we’ll destroy each other.” I love how this just doesn’t happen. It threatens to happen, but the strength of the group is strong enough to overcome them.

-Okay, so Snow’s a total boss during this Regina confrontation! Not only is she once again completely supportive of Ariel, BUT she decides to egg on Regina as much as she can before dying at her hands by saying that she’ll never be happy. For this point in Regina’s life, it’s an incredibly satisfying sight to see.

-SAME GOES FOR ARIEL! She fucking stabs Regina in the neck! WITH A FORK! Not even Snow or Charming could do that with a sword!

-”I don’t know the particulars. Only what I’ve been told.” So Killian didn’t go in?

-I love the video game that is the Echo Caves!

-”You know that’s not how this works.” Emma’s reaction to this line is just the best, her body screaming “can’t blame me for trying.”

-Anyone feel like if they were trapped in the Echo Cave that they wouldn’t know their own deepest secrets?

-REGINA! FUCK YOU! It’s an amazing evil plan and as a viewer, I’m loving this, but for breaking Ariel’s spirit, FUCK YOU!

-Real Ursula. Both powerful and kinky as all hell. <3

-”Storybrooke.” Regina’s so proud of the name, and to be fair, quite rightly!

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - We have a way of defeating Pan! XD Once again, the main plot focuses on something else than this mission, but I don’t think it was a bad idea. The subplot keeps the momentum going quite nicely.

Killian’s Redemption - GREAT on Killian for telling the truth about Neal! That’s really the biggest point here, but it’s an important one nonetheless that speaks to how seriously he’s taking his redemption. He doesn’t hesitate telling her family and only keeps Emma in the dark temporarily as to spare her further pain.

Regina’s Redemption - Regina gets some great moments here! First, how she teaches Emma is fantastic! Like, I’m so glad that she showed the value of anger and how it and darkness are not necessarily one and the same! Second, she saves Rumple’s ass! Third, “maybe we can find another way.” The third way has been the heroes philosophy for a while and to see Regina trying that outlook rather than sacrificing Rumple is a nice bit of foreshadowing to her eventual fates and abilities! I actually think Regina may be in her best form this season! She’s still snippy and hates everyone, but she’s focused on doing right by her son. Because of that, she’ll use the darkness for the noble cause of saving him, and rather than waste time (As she puts it), she’ll look for faster means when working with those that are good isn’t making what she deems as acceptable progress.

Rumple’s Redemption - Despite Neal’s betrayal and his doubts from “Nasty Habits,” Rumple is still sincerely all in for his redemption, as much as he can be, at least. His self preservation habit is still eating at him, making him trust more in Shadow Belle, and it really works!

Favorite Dynamic

Regina and Rumple. Regina came to Rumple at just the right time. She dragged him fighting and screaming away from danger and self loathing and back to reality and the point of this mission. It’s actually a great relief to see Rumple again with someone who won’t take any of his shit. Characters like that challenge Rumple and with Regina, it allows for us to see just what happens when they combine their dark magic and few fucks together for a good cause. It’s as Regina says: “We’re the two most powerful practitioners of magic who have ever lived. The Evil Queen and The Dark One joining forces? I’d say we can find another way of handling some smug teenager.” And together, they’re effective at coming up with a real strategy to defeat that smug teenager!

Writer

Adam and Eddy are “Ariel’s” writers and I really like what they did here. All three stories are balanced well, everyones motivations are really understandable in the present and that fits the framing of everyone being sympathetic, and the material in the past is just engaging.

Rating

10/10. It’s a great episode! Ariel is a compelling character and watching her learn the value of honesty is a nice story that cleanly fits Snow and Regina into it. The present really delves into the further conflicts of the main characters and shows how honesty can be both an aid and a curse. The episode itself is given nuance because of that and the sets of interactions chose for the most part do a lot of good for expanding on the character’s mindsets. Also, as you’ll see below, this episode is FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH SHIPPY GOODNESS!

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Captain Swan - I think it says so much about how Killian cares for Emma that he’s willing to tell her family immediately that Neal’s alive, only holding out on telling Emma herself so that they can confirm it and save her from more pain. Pan said it himself: There is a good chance Emma won’t return his affections after its revealed that Neal’s alive. But he does it anyway because he knows how devastated she was from his loss. Whether you believe he’s completely in love with her or not, that is what caring for another person truly is. Also, look at how Emma looks to Killian to confirm whether or not that’s true when the beans are spilled (Thanks, Snow). She really does trust him now! And on Emma’s side, she actually tells her mom she kissed Hook! “I was feeling good.” And she says it in such a gossipy practically bursting way! It’s not-at-all giddy, but still a little giddy at the same time! And when Snow asks her if it meant anything, she says “i-it was just a kiss,” but everything from her tone to the fact that she actually told someone about this kiss means that it definitely was more! Now let’s talk about the Echo Cave. Killian reveals his secret and Emma’s first response is “It’s just a kiss.” But just look at the vulnerability in her eyes! And the first panel comes roaring out once he reveals what it fully meant to him! Truth! And as Emma goes towards Neal, there’s this dark acceptance in him, but it’s a respectful possible resignation.

Swan Fire - I genuinely adore how soft Neal is with Emma. The entire time he’s in his cage, he gives Emma gentle nudges in the right direction and oodles of comfort. And Emma’s confession to never stop loving Neal was beautiful. Jen’s performance here is just beautiful, soft and tender features all around as she admits that. And even as she’s admitting that she wished Neal was dead, she’s crying, clearly wishing to herself that it wasn’t true because of the love she has for him. And what’s Neal’s response to this when he gets out? An IMMEDIATE hug. It’s a tender, desperate, emotional hug. I actually found myself choked up here. He completely understands what she means. Emma gives this genuine apology for how she feels and Neal just gets it. And he’s still going to fight for her.

Ariel/Eric - Damn, Eric is romantic af! He cares about no one’s thoughts but Ariel’s and it’s really charming. “If I want to dance, I can.” <3 I almost find it a touch too forward for him to ask her to explore the world with her after one date, but given that they’re going full in on the Love at First Sight trope and Ariel says twice that she wanted to see the world, it works! He’s also a full on gentleman, stepping back (Literally) the second he feels she might decline for her comfort and even says” “I’m pressuring you: That’s unfair!” The dude’s an honest-to-goodness heartthrob! And Ariel really cares about him too! She doesn’t want him to be forced to choose between her and his dreams. And together, they’re just a cute, optimistic, lovey-dovey pair!

Millian - Short blurb, but I think it really says something about the depth of Killian’s feelings for Milah that he could NOT move on from her for over a century and when he finally found someone, he had to kiss her to finally push the denial out of his system. Like, that’s some powerful love.

Snowing - “At least not with me.” Okay, so David definitely lied and that sucks, but holy shit. In this one line, David gave his blessing for Snow not only to move on, but to have another child with someone else. And that’s gotta hurt! Like, LOVE! That’s love!

-----

This review was admittedly much shorter than I usually make them, and I’m sorry, but not too sorry because ONCE CON!!!! If you want to keep up with my con adventures, I’ll try posting some pics to my Instagram, protochan44, and hell, maybe I’ll do a live video at some point! And yeah, I’ll probably post some shenanigans on my blog too! But yeah, I am so excited and also pretty relieved that I was able to get through all of these!

Thanks for reading and thank you to the beautiful folks at @watchingfairytales, at least two of whom I’ll be meeting either tonight or tomorrow! Next time, we hit up “Dark Hollow!”

Season 3 Total (59/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (19/60) Kalinda Vazquez (10/40) Andrew Chambliss (10/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (10/40) Robert Hull (10/40) Christine Boylan (10/20) Daniel Thomsen (10/30)

Operation Rewatch Archives

#ouat #once upon a time #watching fairytales #ouat 3x06 #ouat rewatch #jenna watches ouat

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morningsound15 · 6 years

Note

Can u do all the odd fic questions on that ask post for perdition? Or really any of ur other fics, I just like hearing abt this kind of stuff

FYI THIS IS VERY LONG I APOLOGIZE

I’m putting most of it under the cut because I don’t want to clog up all the dashes…

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

What a question. I’ve answered something similar to this, mainly the question: What was your inspiration in writing this fic? And I’ve been pretty open about that, generally. (If you’re interested, there are a few longer posts about that and some other insights into my thought process linked here: x x x x x x )

But essentially, I wrote this fic because at the time I was going through a sort of similar situation to Chloe. I was kind of seeing this girl who had a boyfriend… it’s a pretty long and complicated story that I won’t go into for privacy’s sake (both hers and mine). But it wasn’t my finest hour, and definitely not something I’m proud of. So anyway, things had just ended with this girl and I was trying to work through some feelings that I had about it (a lot of anger and confusion and a little heartbreak, mostly), and I was looking for a character/pairing to write this specific situation for, and Bechloe kind of just… came to me. Like it just fell into my lap. And it made more sense than anything else, and when I started writing it just… poured out of me. Like I wrote the first four chapters in a feverish two days where I basically couldn’t stop typing.

But I’ve gotten a lot of questions about why I chose to write the fic the way I did. The question I get most often is basically, why did I write the fic from Chloe’s POV exclusively? Especially during the early days of Perdition, before I wrote the Beca interlude chapter, I had a LOT of people who were practically begging me for Beca’s POV, for her side of the story, for some explanation as to WHY she was doing what she was doing. And I was really hesitant to do that, because I was hesitant to break from the fixed person, singular POV. And I want to explain why. I know I have before, but I want to do it again.

I wanted to write Perdition from exclusively Chloe’s POV because I wanted the story to really focus on her emotions and her involvement in the affair. I feel like so many cheating stories are from the POV of the cheater, or the person being cheated on, and rarely on the ramifications felt by the person who’s being cheated with. I wanted to explore that dynamic.

But I also really wanted to focus on Chloe as a person and as a character. I felt drawn to her as a character partly because we know so little about her in the movies. Beca is the main character, the audience’s established perspective, so we know a lot about her and how she thinks and operates. Because Chloe was basically a blank slate, I felt like I could dig deeper into her character and imagine a lot more backstory for her. I wanted to explore her as a character, and as a writer I felt like she really offered more opportunities than Beca.

I eventually wrote the Beca POV chapter because I really wanted to make sure that both Beca and Chloe were sympathetic characters. I wanted to emphasize the fact that Chloe was providing just one perspective of the affair, and because of that, she was somewhat of an unreliable narrator. I wanted to emphasize that there were two sides to every story, and just because we’ve only seen Chloe’s side of things doesn’t mean that she’s blameless or that she’s completely right and has done nothing wrong. Though I wanted to focus on her/explore her journey, I didn’t want readers to think of her as a faultless victim. (I was also getting a lot of comments criticizing Beca’s character for being heartless/cruel, and I didn’t think that that was the case. I thought their situation was messy and confusing and hard on both of them, and I didn’t want people to think I was using her as a scapegoat to just like… assassinate her character.)

In my mind, no character is perfect. There’s no such thing as a black-and-white situation. No one is inherently good or bad. They’re just people, who make good and bad choices, who make mistakes, who let things get out of hand. I really wanted to be clear on that. So I ended up breaking with my plan and writing the interlude chapter. I think, in the end, I’m glad that I did.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Good Lord. This fic is so long… There are so many lines I like. How do I even pick?

I have a couple favorite lines of narration. These are just some of them (unsurprisingly, a lot of them are chapter summaries):

From Chapter 1:

(Earlier in the night Chloe stumbled over to Beca on swaying feet, grabbed her hands, and proclaimed that they were going to be “fast friends,” and Beca laughed and winked at her and made some joke about being naked and Chloe felt her stomach bottom out so suddenly that she wondered if she was tipping over backwards.)

From Chapter 4:

Fat Amy showing her vag to the leader of the Free World is not exactly how Chloe envisioned starting her year.

From Chapter 6:

But when she’s on that stage, performing for all those people… when she starts to sing that song, especially in the wake of their fight… something grips her. She feels this pull, this swell of romantic energy like she’s in the midst of a goddamn fairytale, and then she just…

Well, does she have any choice in the matter, really?

(He’s the acapella boy and she’s the acapella girl. This is their story.)

From Chapter 6:

She tries to say everything in that kiss that she’s never had the courage to say. I’ve missed you and I love you and I’m willing to try and I’m sorry and I don’t deserve you and Please just wait for me a little longer.

From Chapter 7:

The summer heat is oppressive in North Carolina. Thick air that feels like soup; slogging days of unendurable murky, foggy, wet waves. When it isn’t raining, the sun beats down against the tops of heads and the backs of necks, cooking cars and superheating pavement, scorching the flesh of bare feet that slap against the ground. The smell of freshly mown grass, new mulch, and — further towards to coast — salt spray permeates everything. Sun screen and bug spray make skin sticky; mosquitos flock from person to person in droves, only driven away by rare and brief breezes off the water. The air feels stagnant and heavy, the days endlessly long.

From Chapter 10:

Beca’s music has always so upbeat, so lively, so full of joy and energy and reckless abandon, all about pounding bass notes and soaring vocals, all about mixing together as many songs as possible until the artistry verges just on the hint of chaos.

From Chapter 11:

She bared herself to the entire world. She exposed every bit of her dirty laundry to millions and millions of people for them to look at, pick through, and analyze. She did the one thing she hates most in the world to prove to Chloe that she can, that she wants to, that she can be a new person, that she’s changed, that secrets and lies are all things in her past, and her future is an open book.

Of course. It’s for her. It’s always been for her.

From Chapter 12:

They’ve been together for a year, Chloe’s been living in LA for eight months, and for the past two months or so she’s taken up a near-permanent residence in Beca’s home. She already owns half of the shoe space, half of the space in the bathroom cabinet, and half of the drawers in Beca’s dresser. Her keys have a permanent spot by the door, her soy milk a permanent spot in Beca’s fridge. Her work schedule is stuck on the wall next to Beca’s calendar. Beca’s Netflix queue is full of Chloe’s favorite shows, Chloe’s favorite movies. All but Chloe’s least-favorite outfits have migrated to Beca’s closet, and all of the books she’s currently reading have found a place on Beca’s bedside table.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The hardest part to write were the years where Beca and Chloe didn’t talk. There were whole chapters that just dealt with Chloe and her depression, or Chloe and her inner monologue, or Chloe and her new life in Denver, or Chloe and her love life sans Beca. And those chapters were hard to write. I was really worried they would be boring, or that they would turn off readers, or that people wouldn’t respond well to Chloe dating other people, or that people wouldn’t like the inclusion of original characters, or that people would get annoyed with how they dragged on, or that people would object to the distinct lack of Beca for so much of the story.

But I really felt those chapters were necessary, because I really felt that Chloe had to learn for herself and grow and get better on her own before she and Beca could reconcile. I believed that, in order for Beca and Chloe to truly be together in a healthy way, they had to become healthy on their own. They couldn’t just be together because they fell together, but because they chose to be together. I wanted them to fight for each other, to realize that they weren’t using each other as an emotional crutch or a way to avoid dealing with the problems in their lives, but to realize that they actually helped each other, that each made the other stronger. So despite the fact that those chapters were really hard to write, I’m really glad that I did write them.

7: Where did the title come from?

This may be embarrassing to admit, but I actually have an entire document just of fic titles/small little ideas/summaries/exchanges of dialogue. So the title Perdition had been sitting around in my mind for a while, way before I even got the idea for the story. I was just waiting for the perfect fic to use it on. (I’m kinda obsessed with pretentious titles, if you guys haven’t noticed.)

As I explained in the summary for the story, “perdition” is a word that comes from Christian theology, and it means: “a state of eternal punishment and damnation into which a sinful and unpenitent person passes after death.” And I liked that; this idea that both Beca and Chloe understood that what they were doing was entirely wrong and unjust and, if you subscribe to that sort of belief system, “sinful”, but that neither of them really cared. They continued on with their affair with (seemingly) unrepentant, reckless abandon. I thought it summed up the themes of the story nicely. The beginning of the story, at least. The set up for the dramatic arc.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

While I knew how the fic was going to end when I started writing it (generally, at least, I knew that Beca and Chloe were going to end up together, and the Grammys acceptance speech was actually like the 5th scene I wrote), it still went through a lot of different drafts. In an early version of the story, Jesse was the one to walk in on Beca and Chloe mid-sexual encounter, but I ended up really hating what the scene said and how it treated Jesse as a character (and the fact that it took away Beca’s agency by denying her the chance to confess), so I got rid of that quickly.

Originally, Emily played a much smaller role in the story. But I liked her as a naïve sort of foil to Beca + Chloe; I liked her optimism and her almost-hero-worship of the two of them; and I liked being able to build a mentor-mentee relationship between Beca and Emily. So she ended up playing a bigger role in the story than originally intended.

In the original draft of the story, there were much fewer chapters. I think originally I only planned on having 6 (4 years of Beca + Chloe’s affair, 1 year apart, and then the chapter where they get back together), but I’ve never been very good at keeping my writing succinct. It just kept growing and growing and by the end I doubled the chapter count. But it felt right to me. All of the additions felt necessary. In the end, I don’t mind the length, because I told the story I wanted to tell.

Raquel was also a pretty late addition to the fic. I toyed a lot with the idea of having Chloe only go on a few unfulfilling dates with men during her time apart from Beca, because a part of me liked the idea of having Beca be her only female long-term romantic partner. But then it felt like I was trying to erase the bisexuality I had established for Chloe early on, so I wrote her a girlfriend. And then I ended up REALLY liking Raquel, so I gave her more and more to do, and I made their relationship stronger and stronger.

Originally, I wanted Chloe to be dating someone when she started having romantic feelings for Beca again, and then realize that she’d only ever really loved Beca etc. etc. etc., but in the end I didn’t like what that did to the story. It felt too much like the beginning, like Chloe hadn’t grown enough as a character. And besides, that’s just not realistic. Very few people have like… ONE true love. And in the end, I wanted Beca and Chloe to choose to be together, like I said. I wanted to have the possibility for other partners, the possibility for happiness elsewhere, and then have them decide to be together anyway. Because they wanted to, because that’s what felt right. So I felt like it was really important to build up their friendship again from the ground up. They couldn’t just leap into romance again after so long and after everything they went through. They needed a strong foundation first. And to have Beca see Chloe happy in a relationship, happy without her… I thought it was important for them to both know that it was possible.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

There are a LOT of things I like about this fic. I like its perspective, I like what it says. I like that it’s almost entirely from Chloe’s POV. I like that it’s a character study more than anything (which is something I’d never previously done). I like that it’s really long (and that I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT which didn’t seem likely for a while). I like that it takes its time, that it really builds to a natural conclusion, that it doesn’t feel rushed or hurried, that there’s a payoff that feels earned. I like all of that stuff.

But what I like most is the impact it’s had. I have gotten such extraordinary feedback from this story, things you guys wouldn’t believe. Not just comments and asks, but individual messages from people who have reached out to me and told me what reading Perdition meant to them. And that’s… I never expected that. It was just supposed to be a sexy little romp, something for me to work out my own feelings and practice writing some smut, and then it turned into this… behemoth of a story that SO many people read and responded to. And I never really anticipated that. But I’m SO glad that I wrote it. And I’m so glad so many of you liked it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

People have asked me this question a lot! And I definitely did have a Perdition playlist or two going while I was writing it. It’s funny to look back on that music now, because it’s from like over a year ago and I don’t listen to those playlists often anymore, but I’ll link them below if people are interested:

https://morningsound15.tumblr.com/tagged/perdition-playlist

(tagged/perdition-playlist)

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

What a question. And a hard one to answer. I think anytime with writing, you end up learning a lot. About yourself, about your characters, about your own personal style. I do believe that writing this story really made my overall writing stronger. The fact that I was able to finish it and give people the ending they wanted was also huge for me, since most of my other really long stories are still unfinished.

I’m not 100% sure what I learned from writing this. I think I’m still learning. Every time I go back and reread it (and I did go back and reread most of it to answer these questions) I feel like I draw something new from the story. And every time I answer questions about it I feel like I understand my writing in ways I never have before.

#anonymous #asks #perdition #questions #long post

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saiikavon · 6 years

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princessmuk replied to your post “I’m bored and I want to write klance. Anyone got prompts?”

Coffee shop auuuu

Of course!

I had an idea for a magic coffee shop that I was excited about, so this kind of fits in with my last prompt, too! Added this on AO3 as well, and of course, if you like my work, please consider clicking the ko-fi button on my page. Hope you enjoy!

It’s no small feat that Elixir of Life is as popular as it is, given that it’s a coffee shop in a small college town filled with college students that practically subsist on the stuff. It’s not location, though it is conveniently situated near the campus bus stop; but so are the locations of the two (two, because corporations are slowly devouring the country whole) Starbucks on either side of the same street. It’s not price, though that doesn’t hurt; the shop is run by fellow college students who understand the need for cheap, but still relatively good coffee—and it is pretty good coffee, but that’s not Elixir’s secret to success, either.

It’s the magic, and the baristas who work it so expertly into every cup.

Places like Starbucks have tried, of course, to integrate magic into their brews, when the craft became more common in everyday use, but manufactured spells always went a little stale, and never did well in places where homegrown comforts were needed. All of their spell boosts are standardized, put up on the menu along with whatever fancy-flavored frapp is in season at the moment. Elixir’s spells are custom to each order, able to cover whatever the person might need in the moment, though they are careful not to dole out any spells that might have gotten them in trouble with the university.

The one downside to the shop is that its popularity does tend to drive away anyone who isn’t fond of crowds. Normally, Keith would have avoided such a place like the plague, but their coffee is really, really good.

It has nothing to do with the cute barista with the messy brown locks and the roguish smile and the blue eyes that make him want to recite sappy poetry on the spot.

Lance is the favorite of most regulars, thanks in no small part to his charm and good nature, though those qualities are just reflections of the main reason people flock to his register: his particular set of magical skills. Every barista at Elixir has their specialty—everything from boosts to health or strength for customers, to magical flavor enhancements to the coffee itself. Keith’s favorite is the specialty of another boy named Hunk, a brand of magic he can’t place that makes his coffee the perfect kind of warm that sinks right down to his soul. Lance, though, his gift is for love magic.

On anyone else, Keith might have considered the use of love magic manipulative, but Lance always turns away anyone asking him to make their crush fall in love with them, or to make a partner forgive them for a fight. Keith once heard him reminding one such person that love is a natural force, like the elements, and that like any elemental magic, love magic should be used in alignment with the element and not to control it. Being somewhat gifted in fire magic, Keith understands this very well—disrespect your element, and it could very easily turn against you.

That being the case, Lance usually helps people seek understanding of others’ feelings, sometimes their own. He sprinkles courage for those wanting to confess, puts in dashes of calm and insight for people wanting to resolve conflicts with their loved ones, and even helps those who have been rejected move on from the hurt.

Lately, Keith has begun to wonder if Lance is somehow, subtly, unknowingly, working his love magic on Keith, because Keith thinks he might have a bit of a crush.

It wouldn’t have been a problem had Keith just left things the way they were after their first meeting. He’d never been great with social cues, and had assumed that Lance’s tendency towards friendly teasing was actually him making fun of Keith (given that he had kind of been making fun of Keith’s hair, it wasn’t a totally inaccurate assumption). They’d snipped at each other for a few minutes before Keith stormed off with his coffee…which, as Keith’s first experience with Hunk’s delicious warming spell, was the reason he came back. He’d just resolved to do so when Lance wasn’t around.

He hadn’t known Lance’s schedule (the fact that he knows it so well now is nothing short of embarrassing), so he hadn’t exactly succeeded in that endeavor. What resulted was an apology he hadn’t expected, and a conversation that had actually endeared him to Lance.

“I can be a little much for some people,” Lance had said, “and I don’t always see that at first. Hunk had to set me straight after you left—but I seriously wasn’t trying to be rude. You’re cute and I was just trying to break the ice, you know?”

Keith raised a brow. “By insulting my hair?”

“Not really my best line,” Lance admitted. “Start over? Whatever you want, on me, as an apology.”

Keith shifted, a little dumbstruck by the unexpected turn this had taken, and rubbed the back of his neck before replying. “I really liked whatever that first drink was that I had. There was some kind of…warming spell?”

Lance beamed. “Oh, yeah! That’s Hunk’s specialty. He also does this really great sweetener, it’s not really magic, but—” He halted himself, blushing a bit before continuing, “You know what? I’ll stop talking and just get you your coffee.”

He had left, Keith had gotten his coffee, and had been coming back nearly every day since. His attraction continues to grow.

They share a brief conversation every so often, when Keith finds his way to Lance’s register, so it isn’t as though his attraction is based on just…watching. As the weeks go by and their short exchanges continue to pile up, Keith comes to learn that Lance utterly embodies his element in ways that are more than just romantic. He flirts and flatters, of course, but Keith also gets little tidbits about Lance’s family and friends, and hears the love in every word. Lance also genuinely cares about strangers, and is excited to share himself in a way that Keith wishes he could be, too. It doesn’t hurt that Keith associates him with the smell of coffee and the crispness of magic in the air.

It takes Keith a while to open up as much as Lance has. He talks about his classes, shares embarrassing stories about his pseudo-brother/mentor (Takashi Shirogane is something of a campus hero, so Keith delights in shattering the cool, polished illusion as often as possible), but is reluctant to share much about himself as a person, much to Lance’s dismay.

If Keith were to be honest with himself, he’d probably say he’s protecting himself from disappointment. If he starts really opening himself up to Lance, he might get his hopes up, thinking that there could be something between them. That Lance isn’t just talking to him because he’s friendly to everyone, that Keith is somehow special.

“Maybe you are,” Shiro tells him. “Maybe he’s just afraid to cross a line because you’re hesitant.”

It’s a fair point, but it’s hard to take a chance, when he’s so used to being cast aside, passed off as “someone else’s problem.” When he’s used to riding the line between craving intimacy in a relationship and wanting his space, until his partner gets tired of it and leaves. Or he ends it himself, before it can go that far downhill.

With Lance, he’s too afraid to step forward or let go completely, so he rides a different line, one that probably isn’t much better. He talks to him, watches him, lets his heart flutter, but doesn’t give himself over. It’s cowardly, and it’s testing his patience. Sooner or later, he’s going to make a stupid decision, and he knows it.

His stupid decision, much to his embarrassment, turns out to be confessing to Lance in the worst possible way.

He has a severe case of tunnel vision one morning when he goes to Lance’s register. His mind is on magic, and he doesn’t remember important things, just knows as he opens his mouth that he needs this. That it’s probably better this way. Maybe it’s even more cowardly than what he’s already been doing, but he’s tired of waiting and watching and pining. He needs it to stop.

“Will you make me a drink today?” he asks. “I need help to…get over someone.”

Lance’s hand hovers over the register, eyes wide in surprise. No doubt he had been ready to ring Keith up for his usual, only to be completely floored by the change. It’s a long, awkward moment before he speaks, fumbling for a cup as he does.

“Right, sure, uh…how…” He licks his lips. “I mean…I didn’t know you were…under…someone…”

Keith wills his face not to turn pink. “I’ve been…trying to ignore it, but I can’t. So I need help to…process these feelings, I guess.”

“Yeah, okay, I can do that.” Lance fumbles for a sharpie next, eyes still wide and still fixated on Keith, as though he’s watching a horrible car crash. “I just need a name.”

Keith’s entire body goes suddenly very cold, and he swears his heart stops. “What?”

“A name? I don’t know how to shape the spell without the name of the person. So who is it?”

Of course. Keith had foolishly forgotten about that part; had forgotten the way Lance always comforted people over the rejection or the loss while scribbling the name down on the cup. Now, knowing this, he can either try to step back and be subjected to Lance’s questions, or he can just say it, and…face it all right now. Perhaps it will be easier. He doesn’t know.

He does know that he’s never been one to turn back once he got started.

He swallows, nervous, looking Lance in the eyes while his heart threatens to pound its way right out of his chest. “It’s, um…Lance,” he says. “Lance McClain.”

Lance drops the sharpie.

“What?”

Keith is definitely burning bright red now, he can feel it. He lowers his voice and shuffles his feet, not daring to look at Lance anymore. “I wasn’t…really planning on telling you like this. Or at all, really. I just…” He sighs, and runs a shaking hand through his hair.

“I’m not good at this, Lance.”

There’s a moment of silence, and Keith looks up to see Lance watching him carefully, considering. When he meets Keith’s eyes, he bites his lip, looking as nervous as Keith feels. He wonders what it means, and opens his mouth to try and apologize, or explain, or…something, but Lance interrupts him.

“I’m gonna make the drink,” he says, carefully. “I’ll give it to you if you join me on my break in a couple minutes and…and hear me out on something. If you really want to get over me, you can, but…but listen to what I want to say first?”

He looks…soft, Keith realizes. There’s something in his eyes that makes Keith’s heart seize with a mixture of fear and hope. His voice is very quiet now, his tone anxious and uncertain.

“I told you I’m not good at this, Lance,” he replies.

“Please?”

With a voice so gentle, with eyes so imploring, Keith just doesn’t have it in him to refuse.

He’s in a daze as he walks away, going to sit at one of the tables outside to wait for Lance. He didn’t want to let himself hope, before, but the way Lance had spoken to him inside leaves no room for doubt in his mind. That wasn’t sympathy, or pity; Lance hadn’t been trying to apologize. He’d have let Keith just have the drink if that were the case.

He feels the same. As much as he can, with as little as Keith offered. Still, Lance feels there’s something about him worth making an effort for, and that, as much as it still does scare Keith a little, also makes him feel…really good.

He sits and thinks as he waits, a decision forming in his mind. None of this is how he wanted it to go, but it could still turn into something wonderful in the end, if he lets it. He’s tired of pining. He wants to let it.

Lance comes out with the coffee, and he and Keith smile at each other shyly. Lance sits, skin flushed and looking flustered and excited in a way Keith’s never seen him before. It’s a side he likes, a side he wouldn’t mind seeing more often.

He decides before Lance even speaks not to take the drink, but he listens to Lance anyway, letting himself grow more and more at ease as his hopes are totally confirmed.

#princessmuk #coffee shop au #modern magic au #takebackklance #notforantis #my work

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