#a clarity and calm that I've been needing for years

[levisjinchuriki]

forever yours - chapter 6

summary: you’re faced with questions about your relationship while trying to celebrate haru’s birthday 

warning: fluff, confrontation, angst, slow burn, mentions of nanami and mei mei

word count: 4.9k

a/n: this is the second part of the double upload tonight. i think this is the longest chapter i've ever written. i hope you enjoy!!

planning haru’s fourth birthday becomes a focal point for you and gojo. you spend your evenings texting back and forth, discussing the theme, the guest list, and the activities that will keep a group of energetic four-year-olds entertained. it feels surprisingly natural, like slipping into a well-worn routine, even though it’s been months since you and gojo have done anything like this together.

gojo calls you one night to finalize the plans. you both get lost in the details, bouncing ideas off each other until you’re sure you’ve covered every detail. it feels… good. comfortable. and you’re grateful he’s being so involved. 

you mention that you’re planning to invite haru’s whole class, along with any parents who want to join the celebration. it’s a standard move, but gojo's curiosity turns to the guest list for the people who are closer to both of you—family and close friends.

“i’ve been thinking about that…” you begin hesitantly. “i’m a little hesitant to tell people about what’s going on”.

the silence stretches, filled with unspoken understanding. finally, he speaks, his tone gentle and reassuring. “you don’t have to tell anyone anything if you’re not ready,” he says gently. “we can keep the details to ourselves for now”.

his words offer a surprising comfort. gojo’s patience and understanding make it easier to navigate the uncertainty of sharing personal information, especially when the situation is still evolving.

“i appreciate that” you reply, your voice carrying a touch of gratitude. “i just want to focus on making haru’s birthday special without having to explain everything”

“let’s keep things simple and make sure haru has a fantastic birthday. we’ll deal with the rest as it comes” he says. his calm assurance settles over you, easing some of the tension you’ve been holding. you find solace in his commitment to prioritize haru’s happiness, allowing you to set aside worries about other people's judgments or expectations for now. 

since you’re being honest, you mention nanami stopping by the other day, too. he’s going to be at the party and it’s only right to warn gojo that he isn’t his biggest fan at the moment. he was never gojo’s biggest fan to begin with.

“kento came over the other day” you say. gojo waits for you to continue, not wanting to jump to conclusions. “he was asking about us, but i didn’t say much. just want to give you a heads-up, so you’re prepared”

gojo’s silence on the other end of the line is brief but thoughtful. “kento’s protective of you, so i understand why he’d ask. it’s probably for the best that you’re keeping things simple for no”.

“yeah, i agree,” you say. “it’s just... i felt like i was walking a tightrope, trying not to reveal too much but still being honest enough to not cause concern.”

“he’ll understand” gojo reassures you. “it’s not easy navigating all this. but we’ll figure it out”

the reassurance in his words calms you. “thank you,” you say softly. “i don’t want to invite unnecessary stress right now. haru’s birthday should be about him, not about our situation”

“agreed,” gojo replies. “we’ll keep the focus where it belongs– on making sure haru has an amazing day. everything else can wait”

his words bring a sense of clarity and calm. gojo’s right- the decision to keep things quiet, to take one step at a time, is something only you and satoru have to understand. there’s no rush, no need to force anything. for now, it’s enough that you’re both trying. that’s all that matters.

—

the backyard is bustling with color and excitement: balloons bobbing in the gentle breeze, a table laid out with treats and snacks, and a bounce house for the kids to play in. the decorations are all in place, and the games are set up, promising hours of fun for the kids.

gojo arrived early to help with the setup. his effort to ensure everything was perfect adds to the sense of teamwork and shared responsibility that you both strive for. 

as you arrange the last of haru’s presents and dress him in his party outfit, you feel a swell of pride. haru looks adorable, his eyes wide with excitement as he takes in the festive atmosphere. 

you catch glimpses of him darting around with his friends as guests start to arrive, laughter and cheers filling the air. watching haru enjoy himself fills you with a profound sense of accomplishment. as you take a moment to observe the scene, you realize that, for now, this is enough. the effort you’ve both put in to make this day memorable reflects the shared love and dedication you have for haru. the day is a success in its own right, and that’s what matters most.

guests continue to fill the backyard. you find yourself flitting around like a hummingbird, attending to every small detail with a sense of urgency and precision. you catch yourself straightening the tablecloth for the third time, adjusting the streamers hanging above the patio to ensure they hang at the perfect angle, and making sure the snack table is fully stocked and inviting. each adjustment, each small correction, feels crucial to achieving a sense of order and perfection.

despite the busyness, there’s a part of you that’s acutely aware of the weight you’re carrying—the subtle pressure to create a flawless celebration while managing the delicate dynamics of your current situation with gojo. you want everything to be perfect, not just for haru, but also to create a momentary bubble where the complexities of life can be set aside. and a part of you wants to show the people closest to you that you’re doing okay. the effort to maintain this façade is as much about your own reassurance as it is about others’ perceptions. you want to be seen as someone who’s managing, who’s moving forward, and who can still experience happiness.

you hear haru’s excited squeal and turn to see his tiny legs carrying him across the yard with boundless energy. his eyes light up the moment he spots his uncle walking into the backyard. 

“nami! you came!” haru’s voice rings out with pure excitement as he charges forward, arms outstretched.

kento crouches down, catching haru in a big hug as he reaches him. the warmth in his eyes as he embraces his nephew eases your tension. 

“of course i came. i wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world,” kento says kindly, a soft smile tugging at his lips. his eyes crinkle with affection as he holds haru close. “are you having fun?”.

“yeah!” haru exclaims, practically bouncing in kento’s arms. “there’s cake and games, and mommy said there’s gonna be presents later!”.

nanami chuckles, setting haru back down. “sounds like you’re having a great time,” he says, his voice warm.

haru beams up at him, his excitement contagious. “come play with us! we’re about to start another game!”. haru’s small hand wraps around his uncle’s index finger, tugging him eagerly toward the other kids.

nanami glances at you and offers a quick greeting. “everything looks great,” he says, acknowledging your efforts before letting haru pull him away. his presence, steady and calm, brings a sense of normalcy to the day, easing some of the tension you’ve been carrying.

as you watch them join in the fun, you smile at the sight of haru’s joy. his uncle’s arrival has clearly made his day even more special, and seeing nanami so naturally fall into the role of the doting uncle warms your heart. it’s moments like these that remind you how important family is, and how much support you truly have, even when things feel uncertain.

your mother’s voice fills your ears as you turn to give her a hug. she carries a note of surprise as she greets you, her eyes widening slightly. “satoru is here?” she asks, her tone tinged with curiosity and a hint of concern.

you take a deep breath, trying to keep your composure. “yes, he’s here” you reply, offering a casual smile. you sense the questions brewing behind her eyes, but you decide not to elaborate. “it’s haru’s day. we both want to be here for him”. 

your mother’s expression shifts to one of guarded interest. she’s aware of the separation and the challenges it brought. gojo’s presence at haru’s birthday party is unexpected to her, but she remains polite.

you choose to keep the details of your situation to yourself, understanding that this is not the time for in-depth explanations. instead, you gently steer the conversation toward the party’s details, discussing how much haru is enjoying his special day.

—-

as the time for everyone to sing “happy birthday” approaches, the excitement among the guests builds. the sun has set, casting a darkness over the yard, and gojo makes sure to turn on the string lights, their warm glow softly illuminating the backyard. it looks perfect.

haru stands in front of his birthday cake with wide eyes, ready for the big moment. the cake, decorated with bright colors and whimsical designs, reflects the festive spirit of his fourth birthday, a day he’ll surely remember.

you glance around at the circle of smiling faces—family, friends, and gojo, all gathered to celebrate your son. it’s nice to have this moment with everyone. just a few months ago, you didn’t think you’d be here, sharing this joy.

everyone begins to sing "happy birthday" in unison. haru beams as he looks at the flickering candles, his excitement barely contained. gojo crouches beside him, a proud smile on his face, and you watch with a mix of pride and nostalgia. the warmth of the moment wraps around you like a comforting embrace, filling your heart with a deep sense of contentment.

as the song ends, haru claps his hands and giggles, and everyone cheers. with a deep breath, and some help from his dad, he leans forward and blows out the candles. everyone erupts in applause and cheers, celebrating this small but significant milestone in his life.

gojo places his hands on top of haru’s smaller ones as they hold the knife to cut the first slice. he leans close to haru, whispering something in his ear and haru nods eagerly, his eyes lighting up with understanding. after placing the first slice of cake on a paper plate, haru holds it up.

“for mommy!” he announces, offering you the slice with a bright smile. your eyebrows raise in surprise; usually, the birthday boy gets the first slice of cake.

“oh, thank you, baby,” you say, taking the plate from his small hands and smoothing back his hair affectionately. haru beams with pride, happy to have made you smile.

gojo praises him, his voice warm and encouraging, before turning to serve pieces to the guests. he glances over at you, his gaze soft and supportive. it’s a silent reassurance, a reminder that he’s here for haru—and for you. the shared look lingers for a moment, a quiet acknowledgment of the bond that remains between you, no matter how complicated things may be. 

you take a moment to savor the sight of haru enjoying his birthday, his laughter filling the air as he eagerly grabs a slice of cake. the joy in his eyes makes all the effort worthwhile, and you’re grateful for the support gojo is providing.

after everyone’s had their slice of cake, you join them in eating. it’s good—funfetti flavor with frosting and sprinkles, haru’s favorite. you can tell by the way the icing is messily smeared on his chubby cheeks, a telltale sign of his enthusiasm. gojo chuckles at the sight, his laughter light and genuine, before leaning in to wipe haru clean with a napkin.

once haru’s face is free of frosting, gojo helps him finish the rest of his slice, guiding the fork to his mouth with the same tenderness he shows in everything he does with your son. the scene fills you with a warm sense of contentment, a reminder that, despite everything, these small, precious moments of family togetherness still exist.

when you’re done with your slice, you start going around to collect the dirty plates and utensils, ready to toss them away. as you’re tidying up, one of haru’s friend's moms approaches you with a friendly smile.

“this has been a great party. thank you for inviting us,” she says kindly. you thank her for coming and express how happy you are that everyone has had a great time tonight. the two of you chat for a while, making friendly conversation, before she changes the subject.

“you should get a picture with haru and your husband,” she suggests warmly. “it’s not every day you have such a big celebration!”.

you hesitate for a second, glancing over at gojo, who’s currently helping haru with one of his birthday presents. husband is a name you haven’t used for gojo in a long time and it catches you off guard for a second. the idea of taking a picture together, as a family, feels like stepping into dangerous territory, especially in front of everyone—close friends and family who are more aware of your situation than the other parents here. but when you see the joy on haru’s face as he tears into his gifts, you can’t bring yourself to refuse.

“sure,” you agree, not making an effort to correct her. “that sounds nice.”

you call gojo, who looks up and nods, making his way over with haru in tow. he effortlessly scoops up your son, placing him on his hip, and the three of you gather close together, slightly away from everyone else.

the mom raises your phone, her finger hovering over the button. “okay, everyone smile!” she says cheerfully.

you and gojo lean in slightly, both of you instinctively placing a hand on haru’s back to steady him. haru, caught up in the excitement of the moment, beams up at the camera, his bright smile making your heart swell with pride. you both give your best smile, capturing a moment that, despite everything, feels like a brief return to what once was.

the mom suggests another one for good measure. just as the photo is about to be taken, gojo glances at you, his gaze soft. the warmth in his eyes catches you off guard, and for a moment, you forget about everything else—the uncertainty, the fear, the complicated web of emotions you’ve been trying to navigate. in that split second, it’s just the three of you, captured in a moment of happiness.

the camera clicks, and the moment is frozen in time.

the mom hands you the phone to check the picture. the image is perfect: haru’s wide grin, gojo’s gentle expression, and your own smile, which, despite everything, looks genuinely happy. it’s a beautiful capture of a moment that feels both precious and fleeting.

“thank you,” you say to her, your voice soft with gratitude. the small gesture of kindness means a lot, and the photos are a reminder of the joy that still exists in these moments of togetherness.

“anytime,” she replies with a smile before walking away.

as you look at the photo again, gojo leans over, peeking at the screen. “that’s a nice one,” he comments, his tone light but sincere.

you nod, still processing the flood of feelings the picture stirs within you. “yeah, it is,” you murmur.

the rest of the party goes by in a blur of games, cake, and laughter, but the image stays with you—an unexpected reminder that, despite everything, there’s still something strong and unbreakable between you and gojo. 

—

as the party winds down and guests start to mingle in smaller groups, you find yourself momentarily alone, tidying up. out of the corner of your eye, you see mei mei approaching, her sharp eyes fixed on you with a curiosity that makes you instantly wary.

“looks like the party was a success” she remarks casually, leaning against the table with a cup of lemonade in hand. “haru seems like he had a great time”. 

you smile politely, nodding. “yeah, he did. i’m really happy he’s had such a nice day”.

mei mei’s gaze lingers on you for a moment before she continues. “it seems like you and satoru managed to pull it off together pretty well. you two looked quite... cozy taking that picture earlier”.

you look around to make sure no one is listening before meeting her gaze, trying to keep your expression neutral. “yes, we did” you reply, choosing your words carefully. “it was important to us that haru had a special day”.

mei mei raises an eyebrow, her tone shifting slightly. “i can see that. it’s nice to see you both putting your differences aside for him. it must be quite the balancing act”. her comment is insightful but also probing, making you feel a bit defensive. 

you stiffen slightly at her accusation, trying to keep your expression neutral. “we’re just doing what’s best for haru”.

“of course” she agrees. “so… how are things with you and gojo?”. her tone is light, but you can sense the underlying tone of curiosity. mei mei has always been able to read people well, and you know she’s not asking just for the sake of conversation.

you hesitate, trying to keep your expression neutral. “things are fine” you reply, hoping to keep the conversation short.

“fine?” she repeats, raising an eyebrow. “i thought you two were in the process of getting divorced”. her gaze is piercing as she studies your reaction. “i couldn’t help but notice he’s still wearing his wedding ring. that’s a bit unusual given the circumstances, no?”.

your heart skips a beat, but you quickly mask your discomfort with a practiced smile. “it’s... complicated” you say, hoping to end the conversation there.

mei mei huns. “complicated, huh? are you two really going through with it, or is there something else going on?”. she sips her drink, her eyes never leaving yours.

you give her a look, feeling cornered by her questions. “mei mei” you warn, wanting her to drop it. “let’s not get into this right now”.

she’s clearly unconvinced but doesn’t push further. “i see” she says, drawing out the words as if she’s filing away the information for later. “well, i hope you know what you’re doing. you wouldn’t want to end up back where you started, right?”.

the comment stings more than you expect, and you swallow the urge to react defensively. “thanks for your concern, mei mei” you say politely, trying to steer the conversation to a close. “but we’re handling it”.

she gives you a small smile, sensing your discomfort. “of course. i’m always here if you need to talk”. with that, she walks away.

you take a deep breath, the conversation leaving you feeling uneasy. the encounter with mei mei has stirred up lingering doubts and uncertainties, and her words echo in your mind as you return to tidying up. 

—

gojo experiences a confrontation of his own. he finds himself near the edge of the party, away from the noise. nanami approaches him quietly and the two men stand together for a moment in a tense silence.

“satoru” he greets, his tone neutral but edged with a hint of caution. “it’s been a while”.

gojo glances at nanami, recognizing the underlying tension. “yeah, it has” he replies, his tone equally guarded. the space between them feels charged, both men aware of the strained dynamics due to recent events. “how is everything?” he asks, in an attempt to make conversation. 

nanami’s eyes narrow slightly. “everything’s fine. haru’s having a great time, which is what matters today”.

gojo’s expression softens slightly as he watches haru play with the other kids. “i’m happy i could be here with him” he says honestly, his gaze reflecting a rare moment of vulnerability.

nanami’s jaw clenches, his frustration barely contained. despite his usual professionalism, the personal stakes make it harder for him to stay restrained. “you know…” nanami says quietly but firmly, “it’s not just about showing up. it’s about being consistent and reliable. haru deserves more than just occasional appearances. being here now doesn’t erase the past. you’ve caused a lot of pain”.

nanami’s words surprise gojo, but he remains neutral. 

“i know i have” gojo responds, his tone steady but weighed down by the seriousness of the conversation. “i’m aware of my mistakes”.

nanami’s gaze sharpens, his frustration evident. “mistakes? you’ve done more than just make mistakes. you’ve hurt my sister, and she’s had to deal with that while taking care of your son” he says, his tone accusatory.

gojo meets nanami’s intense scrutiny with a steady gaze. “i’m aware of how much i’ve hurt her. i’m not asking for immediate forgiveness or trust. all i can offer is my commitment to change”.

nanami crosses his arms, his eyes never leaving gojo’s. “commitment isn’t just words. it’s actions. how can you be trusted to not slip back into old habits? you’ve promised change before, and it didn’t stick”.

gojo’s jaw tightens, but he maintains his composure. he respects your request to keep your relationship under wraps for now, but it stings to hear such harsh words thrown at him.

nanami’s points hit close to home, acknowledging the rift that was caused by his previous failures. the frustration and disappointment in nanami’s eyes are palpable, a reminder of the long road ahead.

“i understand” gojo says, his voice steady but low. “i’m not asking for blind trust. i know that earning it back will take more than just words. i’m making an effort to be present, to work on my issues, and to be a better person and father. it’s not going to be perfect, but i’m committed to doing better”.

nanami’s gaze remains cautious. “and what about her feelings? how are you addressing her concerns and the impact your actions have had on her?”.

gojo reflects on the weight of nanami’s words. “i’ve been working to listen more, to be more present for her. it’s a process, and i know i need to keep proving myself”.

nanami remains skeptical. “there needs to be a sustained effort, not just promises. my sister deserves that”.

gojo meets nanami’s intense gaze with a deep sense of resolve. “i understand. i’m prepared to show that effort and to earn back her trust. it’s not something i take lightly”.

nanami studies gojo’s face for a long moment before giving a slow, reluctant nod. as nanami walks away, gojo takes a deep breath, the conversation having tested his resolve but also reinforcing his commitment to making things right. the interaction with nanami has been intense, but it’s a necessary step in proving his sincerity and dedication to repairing the relationship with you. 

—

by the time the last guest leaves, you’re utterly spent. the effort to ensure every detail of haru’s birthday was perfect has taken its toll, and you finally feel the weight of exhaustion settle over you as you sit on the couch.

the house is littered with the remnants of the celebration—crumpled wrapping paper, half-empty plates, and scattered balloons. the once lively atmosphere has faded, leaving behind a stillness that contrasts sharply with the earlier excitement. you glance around at the aftermath, feeling both a sense of accomplishment and the heaviness of fatigue. the joy of haru’s birthday was worth it, but the day’s demands have left you feeling drained.

gojo, noticing your weariness, sits beside you. “you did an amazing job today” he says softly, offering a comforting smile. “haru had a great time”.

you manage a tired smile, grateful for his presence and support. “you deserve some credit, too. thanks for being here” you reply, appreciating his kind words. he hums, letting a moment pass before speaking again. 

“you know, kento really hates me,” he says with an almost rueful laugh. 

you look at him, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement. “he can be a bit... protective,” you admit, recognizing that his comment acknowledges the tension while also trying to lighten the mood.

gojo’s expression softens as he looks at you. “i understand why he’s cautious. i haven’t exactly given him a reason to like me recently”.

you sigh and nod. “it’s been complicated. i’m sorry if he was hard on you”.

gojo shakes his head. “i get it. but, i’m willing to prove to him that i’m serious about making things right”. despite the challenges and the scrutiny from your family, gojo’s commitment to making amends gives you a renewed sense of determination.

you look over at haru, who has fallen asleep on the other side of the couch. his tiny form is nestled into the cushions. his chest rises and falls with each peaceful breath. as you gaze at him, memories flood back—snapshots of his growth, milestones, and moments that have defined his early years.

“i can’t believe he’s four already,” you say, your voice a mix of disbelief and nostalgia. a smile tugs at your lips as you watch him, the weight of time’s passage settling over you.

gojo looks at haru with a soft, affectionate gaze. “he’s growing up fast”.

your smile is tinged with both happiness and a touch of sadness. “i remember when we first brought him home from the hospital” you say softly, more to yourself than to gojo. “he was so tiny, so fragile. i used to worry about every little thing”.

gojo chuckles softly. “and now look at him. running around, full of energy and curiosity. it’s incredible how quickly they grow up”.

you nod in agreement. “it feels like just yesterday we were learning how to navigate parenthood together. and now, he’s this little person with his own thoughts and ideas”. there’s a nostalgic tone in your voice. “i think back to all those late-night feedings, the first steps, the way he would look up at us with such trust. it’s amazing how much has changed in such a short time”.

gojo’s gaze softens, reflecting on those shared moments. “we’ve had so many firsts with him. it’s been a whirlwind, but it’s been worth every minute”.

you sigh, a hint of sadness in your voice. “sometimes i wonder where the time has gone. it feels like it’s slipping through my fingers so quickly. i wish i could hold onto these moments just a little longer”.

gojo nods, a gentle smile playing on his lips. “i know what you mean. we’ve made so many wonderful memories together, and we still have so many more to make”.

you look at gojo, seeing the hope in his eyes. “yes, we do. i want to make sure we’re there for every step of the way, for him and for us”. gojo’s smile widens, touched by your words. he wants that, too.

“by the way, what did you say to haru after he blew out his candles?” you ask curiously.

gojo’s ears turn red. “i told him to give the first slice to the person he loves most,” he says softly. his eyes, reflecting a deep tenderness, meet yours and hold a gaze that makes your heart flutter. it’s as if he’s offering a piece of his own affection through his words.

a blush makes its way to your cheeks. “that was really sweet of you” your voice soft with genuine appreciation. the significance of the moment isn’t lost on you, and you share a warm, appreciative look with gojo. haru’s thoughtful act, prompted by his father, is a sweet reminder of the love and connection that still lingers between you all, despite everything.

after a moment, gojo notices your exhaustion and stands. “why don’t you rest on the couch for a bit? you’ve worked hard today. i’ll handle the cleanup”. you open your mouth to protest, but a yawn escapes you, and you realize how tired you truly are. the thought of resting your eyes, even for a short while, feels too good to resist. 

“okay” you mumble, making yourself more comfortable. “thank you”.

gojo hums and begins tidying up, his movements efficient and unhurried. he clears away the remnants of the party—plates, cups, and leftover cake. his actions are steady, almost soothing, as he handles the tasks with practiced ease.

you scoot behind haru, wrapping a protective arm around him so he doesn’t fall. the warmth of the couch, combined with the comfort of the day’s end, lulls you into a sense of relaxation. it’s not long before your eyelids grow heavy. the gentle rise and fall of haru’s breathing and the soft hum of gojo’s movements in the background create a cocoon of peace, and before you know it, you’re drifting off.

it takes a while, but gojo finally finishes cleaning up the last of the mess, making sure everything is in its place. he moves quietly as he puts away the final items. when he’s satisfied that the space is back to its usual order, he takes a moment to glance over at you and haru.

his heart swells at the sight of both of you resting so peacefully. he takes a nearby blanket and drapes it over the both of you, before bending down to place a gentle kiss on both of your foreheads. the touch is tender, a silent promise of care and commitment. 

with a final, lingering look, gojo turns off the lights, casting the room in a soft, tranquil darkness.

he quietly leaves the house, making sure to lock the few door behind him. as gojo heads to his own place, the quiet satisfaction of having cared for the evening’s needs settles over him, knowing that despite the challenges, moments like these—shared in peace and tenderness—are the foundation on which new beginnings are built.

---

ch 7>>

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ thank you for reading!! everyone is welcome to leave feedback and requests in my inbox!! please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist! ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

(tagging some people who liked the previous chapter. plz lmk if you want to be removed <3)

@tardis-23 @clearlysworld @sloppynatoppy @shaytoru @concealedeuphoria @svt-backup @padmaaaa @gojosatorumyoneandonly @satoru2716 @eldweiss @luvuyuuji @dark-agate @gojolovrrrr @wysefyre @s-x-m-m-y @jeankirsteinwh3re @funkyotaku7 @um-no-ok @ghostlymilkshakeglitter @domilovestoru @pepperyduck @celestialgojo @smolpotatosstuff @sanriovin @himi009 @yourpalheapass @scgsposts @gojoswaterbottle @sasukun @meforpr3sident @lady-of-blossoms @readingfan @pastelchan94 @luns-exlipse @devils-blackrose @gallifreyansunsets @ekaterinatepes @kkshahrewar @megumisthirdog @cherryblossomfox @kalopsia-flaneur  @mangomagiii @junslay @bokuatsubro @toujours-black @xmendi @rohann-s @paleprofessorbatdragon @shaytoru @lunaauroraheart21 @purehearttt @urmoonlightbebe

[andreafmn]

Running in Circles | Chapter 9

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss, and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

A/N: can't believe it's been over a year since I updated this story. It was one of the first I ever posted but quickly got disheartened by it as I tried to follow the show's timeline (which is non-existent, honestly). I'm trying to get through season 6 as fast as I can because I've already written chapters for afterward, but I need to tie it into the show. Honestly considered putting the story on hold but I got the chapter done 😊😊 Also need to go back and edit this story, especially regarding the POV

<- Previous | Next ->

As if by divine intervention, (Y/N)’s phone started ringing. The vibrations matched the fluttering of her heart as she prayed that Hotch could have been thinking about her at that moment as well. Maybe then she could trick herself into believing that fate was playing its cards right.

“Hey, baby girl.”

“Derek,” she sighed quietly, trying her best not to voice her disappointment. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“You mind some company for tonight? I got a bottle of whiskey with our names on it.”

“Know what? After the day we just had, sure.” She looked down at the pan of lasagna and decided if she couldn’t enjoy it with Hotch, she’d enjoy it with a friend. “I’ve got some lasagna going in the oven we can eat.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes.”

After the phone clicked, she decided the most prudent thing would be to send Hotchner a text message thanking him for the food and saying she’d update him on everything tomorrow. After everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, she needed a moment of calm and clarity. A moment with certainty rather than mixed signals and stolen glances. She just needed a moment to breathe.

As any evidence of the day shed from her skin in the shower, a loud knock rang through the house. She quickly stepped out of her bathroom and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before she ran down the stairs to be met with Derek already inside the kitchen, digging a fork into the piping hot lasagna, with Spencer staring at our friend as he ate like a maniac.

“You know, if you let it cool down a bit, you can savor the taste,” Reid chuckled.

“I know,” he spoke with a full mouth. “But I wanna get drunk tonight, and I won’t do it on an empty stomach.”

“There’s some garlic bread in the toaster oven if you need something that will soak up the alcohol,” (Y/N) laughed as her two friends came into view in her kitchen. “And it’s good to see you’re putting those emergency keys to good use.”

“Sorry, (Y/N),” Spencer responded quickly. “Derek said you wouldn’t mind. We waited five minutes outside.”

“It’s fine, Reid. But you could’ve checked who was at the door.”

“Well, I didn’t want to overstep,” he shrugged. “It’s not my house after all.”

“Good to know you have boundaries, Reid,” she chuckled. “Not that they stopped either of you from letting yourselves in.”

Derek only grumbled in response, too focused on serving the plates and stuffing his mouth. (Y/N) headed to the front door, unsure of who else could have decided to drop by. And though a part of her wanted it to be Hotchner, she knew better than to live in that delusion. He was back in his home with his son, while she had a house full of friends and him on her mind.

“‘Em,” the woman smiled as she opened the door. “Derek invite you too?”

“As a matter of fact, he did. But I’m guessing he didn’t tell you I was coming over.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t use your emergency key as freely as those two boys.”

“Well, you did say we should feel at home,” Morgan grinned. “I’m just doing what you told me to.”

“First time you follow the rules, Morgan,” Emily teased. “Although I’d rather you guys break into (Y/N)’s house than mine.”

“Geez, thanks, Em,” she chuckled. “You’re lucky there’s enough food and booze to go around. But don’t go too crazy. We still have work tomorrow.”

“As if you’d ever let us go hungry,” Emily laughed. “Your Italian blood would never let you.”

“All I need to know is if there’s anyone else that will show up out of the blue.”

“Not that I know of,” Derek shrugged. “Now open up that bottle, I’m thirsty.”

By the time midnight rolled around, Emily and Derek had gone back home. They had eaten enough and drank enough the exhaustion was making their eyelids flutter. And all of them knew that the longer they stayed, the harder it would be to make it back to their homes. Only Spencer was left, curled up on the sofa, still nursing the same glass of whiskey from the start of the night. His eyes were squeezed shut, a hand over them blocking the overhead light.

“You okay, Spence?” (Y/N) asked as she sat by his head, resting it gently onto her lap. She ran her fingers through his curls, massaging his scalp softly. “You got a migraine?”

“Something like that,” he sighed. “They’ve been going on for a bit, but lately, they’ve been worse. The pain is unbelievable, and it makes me sensitive to everything around me.”

“Have you gone to a doctor? This could be something serious, Spence,” she worried. “I have a friend that might be able to squeeze you in. She’s a neurologist and…”

“I’ve got it handled, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I made an appointment for later in the week. I just have to power through the remaining days with sunglasses and pills.”

As soon as he mentioned the pain, a question popped into (Y/N)’s head that she did not want to ask. It was composed of words that could only bring back horrors from his past and the mistakes he was still paying for to that day. The last thing she wanted was to resurface that horrible period, but she had to know. For his sake, she just had to.

“I haven’t taken Dilaudid,” he said before she could speak. “It hasn’t even crossed my mind.”

“How did you…?”

“You were thinking too loud,” he responded as he grinned slightly, his eyes still closed. “And you’re the only one that still asks.”

“I’m sorry, Spence. I don’t mean to be so pushy, she sighed as she stared at the way her fingers ran through the brown of his hair. “If you don’t want time to ask, just…”

“No. I’m grateful that you do.” His free hand searched for hers, squeezing it softly as he enjoyed the warmth of her skin. “I sometimes feel that the team goes out of their way to pretend that part of my life didn’t happen or that it could never happen again. But it did, and it could. Still, I know I can always count on you to look after me, (Y/N). Even if I’m a couple of years older than you, you always find a way to take care of me.”

“And I always will, Reid. You’re a part of my family, and I take care of my family,” she responded softly. “Do you wanna stay here tonight? If it’s too bad, I don’t want you driving out there in the dark.”

“Honestly? Yeah,” Spencer breathed. “I don’t think I could make it home right now.”

“Alright, then. Why don’t you head on up and take a shower while I prepare you some tea and get you a cold compress for your head?” (Y/N) instructed. “You can take any of the sweats from the guest room, and I’ll fetch you some migraine pills so you can hopefully get some shut-eye tonight.”

“Thanks, Rossi,” the man smiled, finally allowing his eyes to open, finding that she had dimmed all the lights. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“And you’ll never have to find out,” she smiled. “Now, go on upstairs, and I’ll get started on the tea.”

“Fine,” he jokingly whined. “And can you not tell anyone else? I don’t want them worrying about me.”

“I won’t. Just, please keep me updated.”

“Copy that.”

As he disappeared to the second floor, (Y/N) couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Spencer had gone through things that were unimaginable. And though he came out of them with his life, they had slowly started to eat away at him. She knew firsthand just how debilitating anxiety could be to someone’s body, and it concerned her that he was downplaying his symptoms.

She set her kettle to boil as she searched for her own mixture of sleepy-time tea—chamomile, lemongrass, peppermint, and lavender. From her cupboard, she pulled out the purple and blue mug Spencer had always used since he had claimed it was able to keep his tea warm enough to sip slowly. Because apparently it had always been a big concern of his. After placing the tea infuser into the mug, she drizzled a few circles of honey to the bottom and a sprinkle of cinnamon. And once the kettle beeped, she drowned the leaves and the honey in boiling water.

(Y/N) could hear the shower running upstairs as she let the tea seep into the water, and all she could do was worry. Granted, it was something she did every single day of her life. She worried about her father spending all his time in books and his work and not enough on his personal life. She worried about little Jack having to grow up without his mother and a dad who didn’t quite believe he could do a good job as a father. She worried about Hotch, about what he did or didn’t feel. She worried about the team every time they went out on a case. And most importantly, she worried about herself and how she would ever live up to the people around her. Now, she added Spencer’s migraines to the list. If she ever made it to old age without a heart attack, she would have been very surprised.

Walking up the stairs with the mug and the pills, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She balanced the mug on the flat handrail and pulled out the device to see Hotchner’s name lighting up the screen. Her heart hammered against her chest, making her hands tremble with nerves. It was just a phone call., she told herself. He was probably only calling to thank her again.

“Hotch,” she breathed, her voice croaking more than she intended. “Hey.”

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No!” she answered quickly. “I was just heading up the stairs. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, you don’t need to worry,” he assured. “It’s just that Jack wanted to say goodnight and thank you.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for him to be up?” (Y/N) smiled. “I mean, it is still a school night.”

“I caved,” Hotch chuckled. She could hear the exhaustion still present in his voice, and all she wanted to do was help him. It was all she could do. To him, she’d always be just a friend, a coworker, his colleague’s daughter. “Please don’t hold it against me.”

“I could never,” the woman laughed. “I would have probably caved too.”

“Well, then, I’ll put you on.”

(Y/N) heard scuffling from the receiver before Jack’s voice came through. “Hi, (Y/N),” he said. “I wanted to say goodnight since we couldn’t say goodbye to you. I had a lot of fun this weekend.”

“Aw, buddy, I’m glad,” she cooed. “I loved having you over. You know you’re welcome any time.”

“Thank you, (Y/N)!” he beamed. “But I gotta go to bed now. I have school tomorrow. So, goodnight!”

“Good night, Jack,” she responded. “Now, why don’t you pass the phone back to your dad.”

“Alright. Bye bye!”

“Bye, Jack,” she chuckled. “I think that kid should be heading off to bed now, Hotch.”

“He is,” Hotchner answered. “I knew he’d want to after saying good night to you. I think my son likes you more than he likes me.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense, Hotch. He only likes that I’m all fun. But he loves you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

“Even when you don’t have to,” the woman sighed contentedly. “Now, go on. You have to sleep too. It’s not just Jack that is up past his bedtime.”

“Very funny, (Y/N). Good night.”

“Night, Hotch.”

(Y/N)’s chest wrenched as her heart accelerated, already wishing the days before could repeat themselves so she could wake and know that he was there. But there was no point in deluding herself. The man could not and would not ever see her as anything more than what she already was. Even their job would allow it. Nothing seemed to ever align for something between them to work.

She turned to the left once she reached the top of the stairs and headed to the guest room to leave the steaming mug for Spencer to find after his shower but found him already sitting on the bed drying his hair. “Was that Hotch on the phone?” She nodded in response. “You didn’t tell him about what’s going on with me, right?”

“Of course not, Spence,” she said in a low tone as she set the mug on the nightstand. “It’s not my information to divulge. Unless it becomes life-threatening, I won’t say a thing without your permission.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she smiled, handing him the pills. “Anything.”

“What do you think these migraines could be?” The pain behind his eyes was more than visible, it was almost palpable. “I just… what if it’s something serious, (Y/N)?”

“Serious like what, Spence?”

“What if I’m starting to lose my mind?” His voice was frail, trembling at the terrifying thought. “You know, my mom…”

“Don’t go there, Spencer. You can’t go there,” the woman insisted. “We won’t speculate until you have an answer from the doctor. So, I’m begging you, don’t go there.”

“I can’t help it, (Y/N). Either there’s something seriously physically wrong with me, or it’s all psychosomatic. Neither is a good option.”

“I know, Spence. I know. But let’s just not jump to conclusions yet. Not until you’ve gone to the doctor, and we get some type of answer. Until then, I don’t want you to think of the worst-case scenario. It’s not gonna do you any good.”

“Fine,” he sighed as his shoulders slumped forward. “Can I ask you something else? Something that is so off-topic you’ll get whiplash.”

“Go ahead, Reid,” she chuckled softly.

“Do you still have feelings for Hotch?”

The question as innocent, no ill-will behind it. But it still made (Y/N)’s breath hitch in her throat. It had been a long time since any of the people they knew mentioned her less-than-secret infatuation with the unit chief, and it made her heart race like the first time he had confronted her about it. “Yeah,” she muttered. “It’s not something that’s going away any time soon.”

“Have you ever thought of dating someone else? It might help you get over him.”

“I might not be ready for that just yet,” she sighed. “I just can’t seem to stop holding onto hope.”

“I understand. Love… it’s hard, huh?”

“It’s one thing we can’t learn from all the books we read,” she smiled sadly. “But that’s enough talk. The pills should start to work soon, and you need to sleep.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he smiled as he got under the covers. “Thank you for caring.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, Spence. Again, you’re family,” she grinned. “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night, Reid.”

The rest of the night, Spencer’s words floated in her head. She could open her dating pool and allow herself a little venture. Hotch wasn’t waiting for her, nor had he shown a smidge of real interest in her. Holding onto him only hurt her in the long run, making it harder for anyone else who wanted to take the place he did not want. But she couldn’t. Not now. Not just yet.

After a couple of days and a two-night case all the way in Miami, Spencer asked (Y/N) to accompany him to the doctor for the reading of his test results. He was jumpier than usual, his legs bouncing at a rapid speed as they waited for his name to be called. He figured with his fingers, picking at the skin on the corners until she placed her hand on top.

“You won’t have any skin left for our next case,” she chuckled. “Don’t start jumping to conclusions, Mr. Genius.”

“I can’t help it,” he worried. “It’s all I can do. I can’t just shut off my brain.”

“Then, tell me something. Something I might not know.”

“Easier said than done,” he snorted. “You know almost as much as I do.”

“Ah, you said almost as much. So, you believe there are things that you know that I don’t.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “Did you know that rubber bands last longer if they’re kept in the fridge? The unusual, lightly cross-linked polymer structure of the rubber used to create them react to the cold differently to what people might expect…”

“Right, the chains heat up when stretched, technically shortening them causing the rubber to contract and eventually snapping at the exothermic change,” she mused. “Cooling them would allow for a bigger stretch and life longevity because the release of energy is slower. Nice fact.”

“See, it’s not as fun with you,” he said with a soft chuckle. “The team would have been asking why I would care about rubber bands. You? You go into a simple explanation of thermodynamics.”

“Well, I ask you for a fun fact. I never said I wouldn’t analyze it.”

As Spencer was about to retort, a nurse came out to call his name, telling him the doctor would see him. He got up onto his feet, smoothing down his pants and taking a steadying breath. But he didn’t seem to do more.

“Do you want me to go with you?” (Y/N) quickly offered.

She was met with a soft smile and a gentle nod before they both headed into the office where Spencer’s worst-case scenario unfolded. The doctor told him there was nothing he could see that was physically wrong with him, the scans and the lab work all came back negative. If there was something happening, it was most likely in his head.

Those were the news Spencer did not want. They terrified him, and he let the doctor know. In his own way. “It’s not—I’m not crazy.”

“Crazy? Dr. Reid, I’m not saying…”

“I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light. Because there’s something wrong with me,” he asserted, his words spilling out faster than he could hold them. “Physically, not mentally. It’s not that.”

“That?”

“Listen, doctor, my mother’s a paranoid schizophrenic who’s been institutionalized. So I know very well what mental illness looks like,” Spencer continued. “Maybe even better than you, and it’s not that. It’s not.”

“Reid,” (Y/N) called as the man got up from the exam table and left the doctor with a shocked expression on his face. “I am so sorry, doctor. This topic is just… it’s a little hard for him.”

“There’s not much you can do to help someone who doesn’t want to accept their reality,” the doctor sighed softly. “Can you just see that he finds a way to manage his stress and his emotions? I truly believe this might be one of the biggest reasons for these headaches.”

“I’ll try my best, doctor,” (Y/N) smiled. “Thank you for seeing him.”

“No problem.”

She found Spencer waiting for her in the hall, his sunglasses on his eyes and his arms crossed in front of his chest. They remained in silence until they reached her car, the doctor’s pout evident on his face. She knew he was annoyed she had apologized for his behavior, but she couldn’t leave without at least giving a reason for his outburst.

“It’s not psychosomatic,” he stated. “It just can’t be.”

“Spence, we have one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. Day in and day out we see cases that astound even the most seasoned officers. And we get into the minds of the people that commit these atrocities,” she offered. “Don’t you think there is a possibility that these migraines are your body’s way of telling you that you need to balance yourself out?”

“If it was really the job like you say, all of us would be getting these headaches,” he said angrily. “But I don’t see Morgan or Prentiss doubling over because their brain feels like it wants to escape their skull.”

“Everyone is different, Spence. And I know you don’t need me to tell you this. Stress presents itself differently in everyone. Just because we don’t know how they handle their burdens doesn’t mean they don’t have them,” (Y/N) continued, maintaining the same calm tone as she cooled him down. “All I am saying, Reid, is that it might be psychosomatic, and you need to find new ways to handle your stress because I am certain this is not you going crazy. Or it might be something else, and you’ll need to get a second opinion. But regardless of what the outcome is, you can’t just get angry at your doctor because you don’t like your results, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll find you a way through this, okay?”

His stance finally softened at her words. His arms fell to his sides, and a soft smile tugged at his lips. “I was kind of an ass back there,” he chuckled. “It’s just frustrating and terrifying all the same time, and I don’t know how to process it all.”

“We take it one day at a time, Reid,” she smiled, taking a hand of his in hers. “You’re not alone in this.”

“It’s sometimes hard to remember that you’re you get than me,” he snickered. “I’m pretty sure you’ve babied everyone on the team at some point.”

“What can I say?” she laughed. “I just wanna make sure every single one of you is okay.”

And that was one thing she knew she would do for as long as they would let her. For now, her main concern was Spencer’s well-being. And she was grateful that it was enough to keep Hotchner out of her head.

Next ->

My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts  or buy me a coffee to support me and my love of writing If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

Taglist: @winter-soldier-101@zheezs14 @DyslexicCatterpillar @cevans-winchester@sirenheadenby@bluetreecloud20@valejewel @sunsetcurvej @sapnapsbandana @lilozg-123@esposadomd @nocturnalherb16 @six-call@yuki254 @akg40 @nyenye@captainrogers-19

@beckiej0073-blog @cecehensonn @catgirlpwr@ilikepunsbeth@magimtz23@adaydreamaway08@hufflepuffobsessedwithmarvel@sugasthreedollarkookie@fandomonetwo@haroldpotterson@revnamjinn @dove-chan32931 @gangstalicious06 @multifandomreader73 @you-local-gay @sunflowerleii @mar @sleepilysworld@laylasbunbunny@aonungsfreak @brittany-appleyard24 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187@bibella8swan@itsmytimetoodream@ivory-raptor@euphoria1992-blog@unstablekay @fresita1218 @the-house-of-rose-and-ember @ange1111face222 @elizabeth916@simon-e-mallory@evattude@cerejinha@caosfanblr@alyeskathewave @haikyuuswhoree @arcaurix @cheshirecat484 @pinkrockstar19

[areyoudreaminof]

Leave Out a Cup For Me: An Amren Playlist

The Inner Circle is complete and I have finally conquered the tiny ancient one.

This was without a doubt the hardest playlist to make. Amren is tough for me, she's sort of a strange enigma. She's our look into the greater Fae world and beyond, she's a shrewd second-in-command and brilliant. But, like the cosmic entity she is, she can be cruel and condescending. So, that leaves me with the question; what does Amren sound like? For me, she sounds like a lot of gothic synths and Americana. I expect this playlist to be as divisive as her character. Either way, I hope you enjoy it! Meet me behind the cut!

Listen Here!

Apply-Glasser

If the walls were too thin You would break in If the walls were too thin You would break right in

Out in the thunder Opens my eyes wide There is sound in my mind Keeps me up all night

Fresh Blood-Eels

Whatever trepidation you may feel In your heart, you know it's not real In a moment of clarity Summon an act of charity

You gotta pull me out of this mud Sweet baby, I need fresh blood

Same Old Energy-Kiki Rockwell

It's your own damn fault, boy, you handed us the broom Four hundred years ago, sayin' "You know what to do" Yes sir, we do, beep beep, comin' through Close your damn mouth, my man, I told you we flew

Rise up, oh, flame, come join the game They started a frenzy, but we’ll take the blame A bare chested dame who goes by no name Their arsenal's empty, all they got is shame

Hot Gum-SOFIA ISELLA

Your teeth are on fire, do you notice? No Your mouth is burning, do you notice? No Your hair burns, my hair burns Your skin burns, my skin burns Do you feel anything? No If I tell you what I’m thinking promise, you won’t tell yourself If you tell me what you’re thinking, I swear I won’t tell myself He’s on the ground, he’s on his knees, he’s a believer He’s on the ground, he didn’t listen to the preacher

Lose Your Soul-Dead Man's Bones

I get up in the morning To the beat of the drum I get up to this feeling Keeps me on the run I get up in the morning Put my dreams away I get up, I get up, I get up again

Devil's Resting Place-Laura Marling

When you ask to drink of me I think out on the case Look down to my aloe cup and take myself a taste Bitterness is thick like blood and cold as a wind sea breeze If you must drink of me, take of me what you please I am loathe to say it's the devil's taste I've been with the devil in the devil's resting place

Bad Ritual-Timber Timbre

There's a hat on the bed,the clock has stopped ticking And nothing remotely romantic has been said Let's not pass on the steps, let's take the season very easy Let's take pills, saltwater, let's keep looking ahead It's a bad, bad ritual But it calms me down

In the Dark-Cathedrals

I can see you fall apart You turn away and fade out of sight But I hear you call in the night Let it go, let me hold you this time Lying in the hollows of your heart I see you lying awake in your ride I’ll be a spark in the sky When you want it, I’ll be on the other side

Deep Green-Marika Hackman

Just because I love your skin Doesn't mean I'll jump in The water's clean and warm and green I'm not allowed to swim I'm scared of getting in

Pyre-Son Lux

We're wresting now from our own hands a future Regret the flower of watered seed Are we the ghosts that swarm about us? We can begin

Thanatos-Soap & Skin

Ages of delirium Curse of my oblivion I swell without a scar To the end of time A shell without a star At the end of time

I am not a woman, I'm a god-Halsey

I am not a woman, I'm a god I am not a martyr, I'm a problem I am not a legend, I'm a fraud So keep your heart 'cause I already got one

TAGLIST: @aldbooks @bookofmirth @brieq @bagelfyre @c-e-d-dreamer @cursebrkr @darling-archeron @damedechance @gwyns @gimme-mor @harrysringss @highqueenmorrigan @talons-and-teeth @kataravimes-of-the-shire @krem-does-stuff @krem-has-a-mess @kingofsummer93 @lidiacervos @lucienarcheron @octobers-veryown @ofduskanddreams @panicatthenightcourt @queercontrarian @reverie-tales @asnowfern @spell-cleavers @separatist-apologist @wilde-knight @thesistersarcheron @thelovelymadone @the-lonelybarricade @ultadverb @vulpes-fennec @velidewrites @vanserrass @yazthebookish @mossytrashcan @bennylavasbuns @tuzna-pesma-snova @andrigyn @thecrispypotatochip @elvhendis @fieldofdaisiies @xtaketwox @popjunkie42-blog

[sapphic-agent]

i really appreciate your anti bakugo posts, because i don't like him. and people saying he misunderstood like??? he doesn't need to take 300+ chapters to give a half-assed apology I'm in another fandom where there is a character extremely like bakugo, and his stans treat him the same when in reality that character is the worst. Like, they treat him as short of misunderstood saint and underdog when he isn't. but the difference is how the writers treat them in canon; while Hori is trying to make Bakugo looks more likable with his plot armor and the fact that he only faces a slap on the wrist on his horrible actions.

while the other writer is like: Nha. He got the unhappy ending he deserves and he and the MC will not reconcile and he gets no bitchs. while the MC gets his happy ending with the person he loves and travels the world. like that character was so bad that they needed to soften him in lots of the adaptions; because he was that bad in the story narrative. both of them wrote about extremely angry characters, but the way that they did them is extremely different in the narrative of the story. like as someone with anger issues, since i was a toddler, the why fandom says that "he angry character it isn't his fault." is making me unironically mad. like; i can say lots of things in angry fits but i apologize like immediately after i calm down. taking accountability and facing consequences for your own actions is,,, suppose to be normal. sorry for the rant. I'm tired of my friend telling me that bakugo is misunderstood character (we have been going on it since the 1st session was released so like... 5 years)

Hi there, I'm so glad you like my posts!

The fandom certainly does victimize Bakugou a lot, doesn't it? People will point fingers literally everywhere else: his mother, his teachers, society, etc. But never towards Bakugou himself. Never holding him accountable for his own actions. One time when discussing with someone, they tried to tell me that Bakugou is aware that what he does to Izuku is wrong...

Okay? Then why doesn't he stop? That isn't the defense they think it is.

I think a great example of how to handle a character like this is what they do in Bojack Horseman. Bojack had a shitty childhood too with parents who were actually abusive. But the show stresses the fact that while his childhood is a reason for his actions, they are not an excuse. He also doesn't get a happy ending. He lost everything he ever had that was important to him: the TV show that made him famous, his money, his house, his close relationships- all of it.

Now obviously nothing Bakugou did was as bad as Bojack. And I don't necessarily think that (narratively speaking) he should have been expelled or had his life ruined. He was still a kid after all and I don't think he was ever at any point irredeemable.

But Bakugou never had to work hard to redeem himself, people just... let him. Ignored his behavior and the way he treated everyone (not just Izuku). I've said before that he continued to treat everyone like shit and got away for it because of comedy which severely undermined Horikoshi's attempt at redeeming him. This could have easily been rectified by giving Bakugou a moment of clarity whenever he did this. Even if it wasn't outright "sorry" it could have been an internal monologue where he shows regret for lashing out. It would not only make it clear that he's actively trying to be better even if he doesn't change immediately, it would have made him way more realistic.

I, personally, don't mind anger issues and his anger isn't why I dislike him. I mean, it can be annoying as hell but that isn't why I think he's a bad character. I've liked a ton of characters with anger issues (I have freaking Santana Lopez in my pfp lolz) and as long as they're well-written I've never had a problem.

[m3ffsstuff]

Sky is a bizarre ceiling covered with something unusually small, like beads. From each star, — August, ceiling is strewn with them, like watermelon seeds — if you look closely, a thin thread goes into black clarity.

Tobias blinks and his trembling eyelashes tangle. It seems to him as if this deserted ceiling is about to break off and fall. He will scratch and crush, bursting his head like a melon, finally. And it seems to Tobias that breaking down is like hitting his mother's favorite mug on a tiled floor.

– You hit me in face.

Fuss under side — crushed under arms and legs of dry grass. A look, confident and intense — glowing lanterns through darkness of forest. Comets that are among the stars are recognized immediately, almost instantly. Watch how gray sweater mixes with patches of earth.

People often believe that comets are shooting stars, they are used to depicting them as beautiful and fast. Wishes are still made, fools, on them.

— Yeah, — a nervous nod of head and blue strands of hair fall over his eyes. — you stopped breathing.

— But now I've stopped seeing, — the brunette purses his lips, feeling the humidity of a wide sweater. — you almost knocked my eye out.

Blue comets and stars on thin, barely visible threads glow almost the same. And unpleasantly evenly, which makes Tobias sigh wearily. They also lacked Major Tom here for complete pacification.

Brunette's head is spinning, pain swims like a fish from eye to cheek, causing an angular shudder.

— Where are we anyway?

Tobias blinks — with difficulty, capillaries on his eyelids resist — and is not going to turn his head even a millimeter. For now, this is quite enough for him — ceiling-sky with splashes of white paint and human rustling nearby, in middle of high grass strings on which you can play your music. And most importantly — no one will judge.

Comet turns into likeness of a man, into that frightening «something» that has been deposited somewhere on the crust of subconscious. Foggy void that Tobias managed to accept as a bed for night turns into a very ordinary field, tearing it out of vacuum of a soap bubble.

Cold of dry grass — in the warmth of palm on forehead. Instant disappearance of that cutting blackness of hair is like arriving at an orbital station and certainly like grounding in zero gravity.

– You're having a panic attack.

Tobias snorts, which sounds more like a pained sob. He never seems to admit that he likes it when Carmelo talks loudly, a lot and, as if, not to the point at all.

Icy calm in voice reflects an unusual warmth, but it feels like a slap in face during a prolonged tantrum and a hail of tears. This is not something that anyone can like at all. But definitely what is needed at moment.

Tobias is breathing fitfully, a spidery cloud of steam. Fleetingly remembers that oxygen is limited in void.

I want to intercept my palm on my damp forehead when Schneien painfully realizes that a collision with a humanoid comet cannot be avoided. Skin is bathed in flaming heat, and cosmos converges at one point, dangerously close to lips.

Consciousness is in dust and black holes. Into ashes and, almost, into dust.

– You hit me in face..

— Yeah.

— And then kissed..

— Yeah.

Tobias feels cold earth under his back and only now a real person is next to him. Alive and warm, which was so lacking once in an unattainable childhood. This is a signal, obviously. Returning to somewhere where there is barely a home and almost safety.

His breathing slowly evens out, like guitar strings, and Tobias blinks again.

– Ready to look around?

Threads are cut too sharply from the stars. For some reason, Schneien is sure that even if they stay here a few hundred light-years and the stars reach earth, Carmelo will catch them — every one. Perhaps only for his sake.

Tobias weakly shakes his head and—an effort before gravity—catches his hand on his forehead. He presses someone else's palm to his pale face—crippled by boundary of time— like an oxygen mask.

Heat from comet now reverberates on cheeks and temples, swirling in swirls of black hair, as in waves of a raging sea. World finally stops spinning in a frozen waltz, and misty pupils close with eyelids, like windows behind curtains.

[lavenrain]

Chapter 4 - The Angel Dust of Fear & Chapter 5 - A Great Partner

I will sound like the biggest hater. But I was looking forward to a story without superpowers; but I guess because it's just Captain American levels of super soldier serum it gets a pass. For partners, I've rarely seen Makimura! And with for Ryo's ability to hear the cock of a gun hundreds of feet away, you can't tell me he didn't know someone was taking this picture.

Believe in yourself Hojo-sensei!

So, a glimmer into Kaori's backstory. Mom and dad divorced and then dad became criminal. Criminal dad gets caught by Makimura's dad and boom new adoptive sister! Man, that sucks, but I'm willing to bet she gets the macho/hammer skills from her bio dad. Ryo... you're an awfully sweet guy beneath all those things you do to convince people otherwise.

Makimura everyone! He's so dorky at first glance but, well, you see. We needed more of this guy when Kaori got kidnapped; would've been the perfect time to showcase him a little more before...

Yeah, so. This fucking sucks. The guy that kills him is hopped up on a drug called Angel Dust, which seems extremely important since they've decided to kill someone close to Ryo this way. Makimura puts up an okay fight, relying more on his gun than any physical prowess, both futile anyway.

I doubt the drug is doing that specifically, but it's worth noting his focus on their inability to die on their own terms with clarity. Lack of autonomy seems to be a sore spot for our hero. That or the direct translation simply bulldozes the analysis, and they are just apathetic (unable) to dying in a physical sense. Oh boy.

I get confused when drugs, gangs and governments are involved but I believe there should be more things to consider if you going to wipe out an entire country's drug trade. Using a prototype seems the least productive because law enforcement will be at least somewhat familiar with the threat and have time to build a counter measure, while also having a supplement of the drug. Also, Mr. Mustache man, it's the 80's, you a couple years too early and decades too late for that argument.

:(

Yes, I will allow you to court this woman. This kiss is very sweet; he does this quite often in the beginning actually which I can appreciate compared to the alternative of him bedding multiple women. I don't know how you can make that as chivalrous or... romantic isn't the right word but it's close enough.

God dammit.

With how smooth you were with the other woman I expected a lot more tact from you in this situation. Poor Kaori's world gets turned upside down on her birthday (or close to it) and the guy telling her is someone she's not too fond of. But, hey, at least she was able to keep calm.

And make the best mic drop job offer I've seen in a manga.

Tojo-sensei is great for autonomy practice.

I've asked this question before, but assuming the people that were with Ryo lived in the apartment and were eventually encouraged to leave, did they also know about the shooting range? I doubt he'd outsource the shoot range since he's The City Hunter. I'm assuming he uses it very often, and Ryo to me seems like a sleeper of the 8am to 3pm variety. One of the women did say it was easier to sleep with him during the day too... Hm.

Time to pack up and skip town darling.

More to the tenant conspiracy. Ryo's a cheapskate against women he's not trying to woo. There's no way he couldn't front the moving costs. (More plausible answer is this was needed for the plot, it still stands.) Also, I don't know either Hojo-sensei, you tell me.

Fun fact: Fictional gangsters make the best parents.

Little boy, what do you know about a Magnum 44? They look like a couple of parents and their many, many children.

I'm not sure what he was going to do, but one of the kiddos skateboard messes it up and he's sent flying against the wall of the base. Unfortunately, this means our dynamic duo must rely on Kaori's shooting ability.

Which ends up working out! Glad no one died at least. Ryo are you blushing?

Thanks Kaori, activate my tear ducts why don't you.

Overall review

Makimura, I will miss you! Kaori, I will love you in his honor. For all that I've seen Ryo interact with Makimura, I would've liked to see them interact on a more friendly basis. If Ryo is going to stick to this "I promised my friend I'd look after you and I mean it" or if it's part "wow, she would make a decent partner for now". I can hear Prince Naveen's "Ashidanza" from a mile away. Our first introduction to Angel Dust! I can't to talk more about it as we get more information. You see how I am about completely benign things like the Tenant Discourse.

Prev | Next

[carleyplays]

Daisy Bloom – Sims in Bloom Legacy | Pt. 12

Daisy couldn't deny how deeply she had fallen in love with Akira. He had become her anchor, her confidant, and her source of joy in Henford-on-Bagley. They shared countless memorable moments together, from quiet evenings at their favorite cafe to lively celebrations with friends.

But lately, something had shifted. Akira seemed distant at times, his smiles less frequent, his eyes clouded with a hint of unease. Daisy noticed the change in his demeanor, and it worried her deeply. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

One evening, as they sat together in their cozy living room, the crackling fire casting flickering shadows on the walls, Daisy sensed Akira's turmoil. He had been quiet throughout dinner, lost in his thoughts. Finally, he spoke up, his voice tinged with hesitation.

"Daisy, I need to talk to you about something," Akira began, his gaze avoiding hers. "Lately, I've been feeling... jealous and insecure. I know it's not fair to you, and I don't want to hold you back."

Daisy's heart sank at his words. She hadn't expected this turn of events, and the thought of losing Akira sent a wave of fear through her. She reached out and took his hand, urging him to open up about his feelings.

They talked for hours, tears and fears laid bare between them. Akira confessed his insecurities, his fear of not being enough for Daisy, of not measuring up to what she deserved. Daisy listened with a heavy heart, feeling the weight of his words.

"I love you, Akira," Daisy whispered, her voice filled with emotion. "I don't want to lose you."

They held each other close, finding solace in their shared vulnerability. Despite the pain and uncertainty, they decided to give their relationship a chance. They embraced the new year with renewed hope and determination, celebrating their love and promising to work through their challenges together.

However, as weeks passed, Daisy couldn't shake the lingering doubts in her mind. She found herself confiding in Alex, seeking her perspective and advice. Alex, ever the supportive friend, listened attentively as Daisy poured out her heart.

"I think I love Akira more than he's willing to give," Daisy admitted quietly, her voice wavering with uncertainty. "I want to move forward, to deepen our commitment, but I'm not sure he's ready."

Alex offered gentle reassurance, encouraging Daisy to have an honest conversation with Akira about her feelings. She reminded her that relationships required open communication and mutual understanding.

Determined to find clarity, Daisy sat down with Akira once more. They talked for hours, sharing their hopes, fears, and dreams for the future. In the midst of their conversation, Daisy made a difficult decision.

"Maybe we need some time apart," Daisy said softly, her heart heavy with sadness. "Not because I don't love you, but because I want us to be sure of what we both want."

Akira nodded slowly, his expression a mix of sadness and understanding. He knew Daisy deserved someone who could give her the love and commitment she desired. They agreed to take a temporary separation, to take time to reflect and figure out their true feelings.

As they parted ways that day, Daisy couldn't help but feel a sense of uncertainty and sadness. She loved Akira deeply, but she also knew that their relationship needed space to grow and evolve. She hoped that their temporary separation would bring clarity and ultimately lead them back together, stronger and more certain of their future together.

Feeling the weight of her decision to take a temporary separation from Akira, Daisy decided to take some time for herself. She packed a few essentials and embarked on a well-deserved vacation to Granite Falls for the weekend. Surrounded by the tranquil beauty of nature, she hiked through the lush forests, enjoyed quiet moments by the lake, and found solace in the calming sounds of the wilderness. The break allowed Daisy to clear her mind, reflect on her feelings for Akira, and gain perspective on what she truly wanted for her future. It was a time of introspection and rejuvenation, giving her the space to consider the next steps in her relationship and in her own personal journey.

| next | previous |

[runefactorynonsense]

Here's a query for YOU: who do you think Lynette befriends first outside Guna and Mist in Kardia? And who does she befriend first of HER own volition?

I love this ask so much you don't even know.

For some clarity; for most Rune Factory games, when it comes to their protagonists and the possible love interests, I usually headcanon their ages as older than the game(s) hint at them being. So keep that in mind, and maybe add between 5 to 8 to even 10 years to your headcanon age. [I won't name any numbers, and that'll just lock me into my own math.] But treat these folks as their prime adult selves after the events of the first game, not ""kids""~

Mist is obviously the "friend whether (you) like it or not." Raguna is roped in by that genuine, adorable charm and Lynette would fall for it, too. Look at her, a second person so ready to extend care and forgiveness... And Lynn will just have to accept it and begin to move on into her new life. It's the easier choice. Better than feeling so goddamn sorry for herself (or worse, as we saw the lengths Ethelbard was pushing her to). Even if it feels strange being in such a tight knit and supportive environment, and even if she'll look for cracks that prove it's all a lie.

After Mist, though, once she forces herself to try and live in a new place...

Lara and Tabatha and Jasper wind up becoming nice to talk to.

[ With a bonus of Sabrina and Godwin, with the questions of Newmann and Felicity. ]

Lara likely puts up a furious air at first, How many people could have been hurt, how many HAD as those stupid things were put around town... (Not to mention those RUMORS that spread about how Raguna lost his memory....) but quickly comes to realize that Lynette was involved, but not solely, entirely responsible. Not to mention she sees Lyn as someone who is... Tired. Dragging themselves through every day. Lara gives a deep sigh. So. She aids this new member of the town under the promise that Lynette helps others as she tries to help herself. While those medical visits become less and less, both women can't help but cross the street and seek one another out to talk. They may not have much in common when it comes to interests or tastes, but. It's nice. Sometimes you don't need all that. A connection can just be there.

Tabatha and Jasper feel like easy conversation. Both are used to more sharp natured persons, so they wouldn't be offended. And both don't put stock in local prejudices, political lines, and the nonsense of governing bodies (Jasper with his ties to the Sainte-Coquille business affairs, and Tabatha connected to that+comparing to her original home). I feel like both would be very quick to see past where Lynette is from, and her previous "occupation."

Jasper is such a kind and happy fellow. I could see him just wanting to know about what it was like as a person in Sechs Aristocracy, if it's similar to what he's heard from x, y, z.... Asking Lyn about her life, not job, probably helps break some ice. Maybe Lynette gets to gossip about petty, tiny things that she hadn't gotten to enjoy before. And how about that line of meats from those critters native to the heart of the empire...? Oh Jasper NEEDS some of those cuts- marinated in a very specific way, Lynette swears on her life (and it's just a joke this time).

And Tabatha? She's so calm. So soothing. She won't force Lyn to talk, but will listen when the other dares to break the silence. She seems to know how to enter a conversation and could find the perfect, small gift to make someone's day. I've drawn Lynette before in alternate clothing before so she's not in her military gear, and I stand firm that Tabatha made that set. They're good for the local weather, they're made of comfortable, fine material... and it's got to feel better not being in something that made Lynette stand out so much.

Bonus in Sabrina and Godwin, who are names that wouldn't leave me alone when thinking about this.

Godwinnn. He's skeptical and rightfully so, but as everything calms down, he has to take a chance. It's either hold that grudge and be retaliatory forever, which would strongly influence those looking at him for his decision, or choose to trust this person and get back to some semblance of older life. He prefers the peace of the latter, and is rewarded- especially when she does find her own pattern in the town. In fact, he's able to, well, "forget" about her, in a good way. She's a face he'll greet with an "Oh-! Didn't know you were coming, how are things?" since he doesn't hear much about her. But it's a positive feeling. A hearty greeting. Not just a nod and a walk past.

(She has to be brought up in tangent given our affinity for her, as well, but Felicity was watching that decision- and she's. It's not that she didn't support the decision, and she doesn't think it was the wrong choice... but Felicity's going to need to see some effort and proof. This is a risk. Like Lara, but a deeper rooted feeling. Stronger if she's paired with Raguna, as she'd hear those rumors, and be disgusted by them. But she could be won over, if more slowly, as her patient FP/LP mechanic implies.)

I feel like, for some reason, Newmann would keep some distance, questioning Godwin's decision, while Sabrina would be able to immediately see this new townsperson means no harm. Sabrina keeps an open seat at the bar and the restaurant and could act as a conversation or a buffer- detract attention from some of those who haven't yet become comfortable with their new neighbor. Sabrina doesn't care for bullshit, and she's got a good example to set for her son. I almost wish Lynette were a jump older still, as these two could've been a fun freaking dynamic!

Double bonus; Ivan hates the living daylights out of her and there is absolutely no recovery, due to my headcanon of him having witnessed Raguna's abduction before his memory loss. Lynette also knows who Ivan really is, she'd done her research. This is a pact to act civil among civil people. That's it.

I know I've joked about not absolutely adoring RF4's characters as much as most people, but one thing it did that I appreciate was those conversations you could trigger if multiple towns people are standing near one another in a scene/on a holiday/etc. It'd be fun to get others talking not to Raguna, but to each other, to hear what they'd think. Early game, invasion time, post game...

RF1s. Please. I'm begging you.

[alicianaidoo1234]

gonna save this here to use later

Zuko sat across from the therapist, his brow furrowed in a mixture of skepticism and desperation. The man, a portly figure with a thick mustache and a twinkle in his eye, leaned forward, a smug grin spreading across his face.

'So, you're looking for help for your sister, hmm?' the therapist chuckled, his voice a comforting rumble. 'I've seen many like her, lost in the flames of their own anger. But I've developed a method, you see, a way to help them find peace, faster than any other.'

Zuko leaned back, his gaze fixed on the man. 'Faster? How is that possible?'

'Well, it's a combination of traditional therapy, you see, and a little...extra.' The therapist winked, producing a small, ornate vial from his pocket. 'These are my own creation, little pills designed to calm the mind and soothe the soul. I've been working on them for years, customizing them for each patient's unique needs.'

Zuko's heart skipped a beat. This was different, this was...new. He had been searching high and low for someone who could help Azula, and this man seemed to have something unique, something promising.

'What kind of pills are they?' Zuko asked, his voice tinged with a cautious hope.

'Oh, nothing to worry about,' the therapist said, waving his hand dismissively. 'Just a blend of natural herbs and…well, a few other ingredients. It helps unlock the subconscious, you see, and allows the patient to face their inner demons with clarity.'

Zuko's gaze lingered on the vial, his mind racing with questions. This felt like a gamble, a desperate leap of faith. But the thought of Azula finally finding peace, of seeing her smile again, fueled his determination.

'I…I need to know more,' Zuko finally said, his voice wavering slightly. 'Can you tell me more about these pills, and how they could help Azula?'

The therapist leaned back in his chair, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. 'Of course, young man. But first, I need to understand her condition better. Tell me, how has she been acting lately? What are her biggest struggles?'

Zuko took a deep breath, his eyes filled with a mixture of worry and hope. He knew this was a chance, perhaps the only chance, to help his sister. He would tell this man everything, and pray that he was right, that this new approach could be the key to unlocking Azula's inner peace.

[healthy-booster]

My Experience with Pineal XT Supplements: A Path to Improved Wellbeing

Having always been interested in natural ways to enhance my health, I recently decided to try Pineal XT Supplements. After reading positive reviews and learning about its potential benefits, I was eager to see if it could live up to the hype.

Enhanced Focus and Clarity

Prior to starting Pineal XT, I often found myself struggling with focus throughout the day. Work tasks felt overwhelming, and maintaining concentration was a challenge. However, within a few weeks of consistent use, I noticed a significant improvement in my mental clarity. It became easier to stay on track with my projects, and I felt more alert during the day. This newfound focus not only improved my productivity but also allowed me to approach my work with a renewed sense of enthusiasm.

Improved Sleep Quality

For years, I've battled with occasional sleep disturbances. Restless nights and difficulty falling asleep were a norm. Since incorporating Pineal XT into my routine, I've experienced a positive shift in my sleep patterns. I now find myself drifting off to sleep much faster and experiencing deeper, more restful sleep throughout the night. This has had a cascading effect on my overall well-being, leaving me feeling more energized and revitalized each morning.

Natural Energy Boost

Prior to using Pineal XT, I often relied on coffee or sugary drinks to get me through the afternoon slump. However, these temporary fixes often came with unwanted side effects like jitters or crashes. Since starting Pineal XT, I've noticed a sustained increase in natural energy levels. I'm able to power through my day without experiencing the afternoon dip in energy, and I find myself needing to rely less on sugary drinks or caffeine. This natural energy boost has been a welcome change, allowing me to maintain a consistent level of productivity throughout the day.

Overall Well-being

Beyond the specific benefits mentioned above, I've also noticed a general improvement in my overall well-being since using Pineal XT. I feel more balanced and centred, and my ability to manage stress has noticeably improved. This newfound sense of calm has had a positive impact on all aspects of my life, from my work performance to my personal relationships.

A Note on Individual Results

It's important to remember that individual experiences may vary. What works for one person might not necessarily produce the same results for another. However, based on my own experience, I can confidently say that Pineal XT Supplements have had a positive impact on my overall health and well-being.

If you're looking for a natural way to enhance your focus, sleep quality, energy levels, and overall well-being, I highly recommend giving Pineal XT Supplements a try. Remember, consistency is key! It took a few weeks of regular use before I noticed the full range of benefits, but the positive impact has been well worth the wait.

[marezablr]

for the fic asks, 30 39 and 41 !

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

yes! i don't do it with every fic, but i often try to do something new when i write something so i can test out new skills.

"one three four three four zero": longest fic i'd ever written. i wanted to see if i could write a long fic at all. it gave me the confidence to go forward and try more long fics and helped me understand what i need for a long fic.

"forest fires": i had to pare down my writing for the zine word count. it helped me learn to cut the fluff/kill sentences that i like but that slow the story down.

"good loser": the first time i did outlining for a proper long fic. this has made the biggest change to my writing process in years. i am now obsessed with outlining! i still frequently shout at my beta while working, "outlining is so good??? how did i go so long without this???" what i learned from "good loser" has given me skills and habits that i know will help carry me through future work.

"per ardua": the first time really dedicating myself to trying to structure a bit of an action/mystery story. it gave me new skills to work with in terms of seeding information (eg learning when NOT to give exposition) and twists, how i can make descriptions more interesting to myself, how to pace action. i've been trying to use some of those skills to help with the more psychological pieces i'm working on now, and also to help with a body language/facial expression writing exercise i'm doing right now to develop my skills in those areas.

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who?

i've done a lot of reading on writing over the years. one of the books i read really early on, like truly ages ago, was stephen king's "on writing." i had not ever read a single stephen king book, or watched any of the movies based on his books, and i probably never will (except maybe the dark tower?), but i read that book. and the thing i really remember out of that book was this:

stephen king talked about having an ideal reader. he said, if you write to everyone, you're not writing to anyone. you'll be paralyzed with doubt and fall into generalities. you need an ideal reader, one person you're writing to who you really want to understand the story. that will focus your writing.

i've tried to take that idea with me in my writing. i do my best writing, i find, when there is one person i'm focusing on writing to, one person i share the story with and get excited about it with and try to get certain reactions out of. i write lines and think, 'i hope this line will really hit for this person.' it gives me a clarity and focus that helps me block out the noise of wanting to make things more broadly appealing.

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

early in fe3h, i started reading metallic_sweet's fics, specifically the vicious calm and war dog. i was so fascinated by the style that i tried to do my own spin on it in "network effects." m_s remains an icon to me in having such a distinctive style.

[sk-lumen]

Lumen, can you weigh in on something? I was dating someone early last year, he was the sweetest, nicest guy. He honestly courted me. There were gifts, evenings out, he offered to do things for me, and zero pressure for sex. It was the calmest dating experience I've ever had. But I was fresh out of a toxic situationship, and had a lot of other traumas that I could barely bring myself to acknowledge. It was new territory and it scared me. Then my ex started texting me, wanting to get back together (even though we were never actually "together" in any sense of the word), and I ran straight back to him. Obviously, that relationship didn't work out for me. I've been thinking for months about this nice, sweet guy who was so 100% there for me and feel like I made a mistake. I've been in therapy almost a year now and finally have clarity on what I want in a relationship. Should I try to reconnect with him? He cried when I broke up with him, and I said at the time that I just wanted to be single and work on myself.

Hi dear,

This sounds very much like a classic toxic relationship trauma-bonding. When we're used to bad treatment and toxic relationships for a long while, it becomes our norm, it is what we're familiar with. And here's the thing about our brains, it interprets anything familiar = safe. So just because those situations are familiar to you, it's what feels safe to you. It was an act of self-protection to go running back to what's familiar to you, so forgive yourself for that.

Meanwhile, the healthy, secure relationship is the unfamiliar one. Even if it's rationally, realistically what you should feel safest in, it scares you and throws your nervous system off because...you literally have not been in this situation before. It's unknown, it's scary! So you ran away from it.

However... there comes a time when you need to break these patterns because they're no longer serving or protecting you. If anything, it's keeping you stuck in those toxic cycles where people treat you wrong, and you reject those that wanna treat you right.

The fact of the matter is, you messed up. Yes, big sis Lumen doesn't sugarcoat things and says it like it is. You probably broke the sweet guy's heart and at this point, what's done is done. Don't pick at old wounds that are likely still healing. Let him go, move on, and learn your lessons from these experiences so you make better choices in the future.

The conclusion? It's our trauma that finds "bad boys" magnetic. Trust me, I get it. But when we're healed and secure, we just want the secure, calm men that emanate husband energy... that's when you know you're ready for the right one.

Best wishes,

-L

[republicsecurity]

Conscript (C): So, Brother, you've been walking the path of the Paramedic Monk for a long time. How do you find peace in this life of obedience and compliance?

Paramedic Monk (M): Peace, my friend, is not the absence of chaos but the acceptance of order, the tranquility within discipline. We have been conditioned, shaped into instruments of service. Our fears, once the wild winds of uncertainty, have been tamed. In this tranquility, we find purpose.

C: It's funny, isn't it? I used to be afraid — of the unknown, of what was expected of me. But now, those fears are gone. The Corps has chiseled them away, replaced them with unwavering obedience.

M: Fear is a turbulent sea that clouds the mind. The Corps has given us the gift of clarity. In obedience, we find a sanctuary from the storms of doubt. We serve without the burden of personal anxieties, for our wills are aligned with a higher purpose.

C: Some might call it a loss, you know? Losing those fears, those personal struggles. But I find a strange kind of freedom in it. No longer haunted by doubts, I can focus on the task at hand, on saving lives without the weight of my own fears holding me back.

M: Freedom, my friend, is not the absence of constraints but the ability to transcend them. Our obedience liberates us from the chains of indecision. In compliance, we find the freedom to act with certainty, unburdened by personal whims. It is in this obedience that we discover the true meaning of service.

C: You speak with a wisdom that comes from years of contemplation, Brother. But I've come to appreciate this peace that we have, the calm within the storm of life. No fears, just peace. Obedience, compliance, service — it's a mantra that guides us, shapes us. And strangely, it sets us free.

Paramedic Monk (M): Indeed, my friend. I made a choice to walk this path after my conscript service ended. In the silent halls of the monastery, I found solace, a deeper purpose. Here, I pray, I contemplate, and I offer solace to those whose lives we cannot save. It is a life of reflection and service, one that allows me to find meaning in the inevitable cycle of life and death.

C: Your choice is admirable, Brother. The tranquility of the monastery must be a stark contrast to the chaos of the field. I often wonder about the choices we make after our service ends. Some of us return to civilian life, others continue in different roles within the Corps. Each path has its challenges and rewards.

M: Indeed, each path is unique, reflecting the diverse journeys of those who serve. The monastery, with its rituals and prayers, offers a different kind of challenge — a challenge of the spirit. But it is not a path for everyone. Some find their purpose within the bustling cities, amid the noise and demands of civilian life. Others, like me, seek solace in the quiet corners of devotion.

C: It's a testament to the Corps that it molds individuals for such varied destinies. We come in as conscripts, and through the crucible of training and service, we emerge transformed, ready to face different paths. It's a journey of self-discovery, guided by the principles of obedience and service.

M: Indeed, my friend. The doors of the monastery are always open, and the tranquility within its walls awaits those seeking solace and contemplation. Should you ever feel the need to reconnect with the quietude of this place, know that you are welcome here. In the silence, many find answers to questions they didn't even know they were asking.

[corvuslunacreations]

Hi there! A friend of mine linked this blog over to me recently since you talk a lot about what the crystals do, and I've been trying to get into that! If you don't mind answering, what sort of thing would you suggest for someone who suffers from a lot of brain fog and tiredness? Mine's been getting so much worse recently and nothing I've tried has helped so far, but I've been told that crystals can be really helpful for this sort of thing.

Hi there fellow Spoonie! Boy, do I feel you on the brain fog and tiredness. As a Chronic Fatigue sufferer, that's something I deal with every day too, so this one was very close to home. Hence the delay in replying - I wanted to make sure that I got the best possible collection of options for you from what I have.

Bear in mind that a lot of crystals will resonate differently for different people. For example, most people find Yooperlite to be a stress reliever, but I personally find it to be an immense energy booster, hence my including it here (no joke, when I first held one of my Yooperlite towers, I felt goosebumps all over from a literal rush of energy. Might just be that that's 'my stone', but it's worth mentioning!).

It can also often be that the stones you're drawn to are the right ones for you. You may see rose quartz, one of the most loving and calming stones and think 'I need that' for no reason at all, but it may turn out to give you exactly the brain boost you need.

Below is a short-form list of the crystals I have that I think may be most to your advantage, with simply a tag as to which aspect they may help with. If there are any others you'd like to know about, or you'd simply like me to give a more detailed profile of any of them, by all means let me know and I'll gladly use them as my next Crystals of the Day! Citrine - brain clearer; energizer

Clear Quartz - focus

Amethyst - focus

Sodalite - clarity of mind

Red Jasper - Energizer

Carnelian - A little of both aspects (brain fog clearing and energising)

Chalcedony -Energizing without being hyper (all versions)

Que Sera - All-round healer and energy balancer

Yooperlite - Stress reliever, but I find it to increase energy

I hope this helps, and regardless of what form your crystals take, I hope they help! I turned to them myself after years of being told my tiredness was 'all down to depression' and not finding any relief in medication, and while I'm far from being healed, I do find a sense of wellness from them that I didn't have before.

Thank you for the question!!

[gyu-dloml]

To Wonu, who's my sun, moon and all the stars ☆

Jeon Wonwoo. How are you so calm? Maybe you're not. Maybe you're just lazy and very unbothered. But I like to think you're calm. Calm like the sunrise. I've always thought sunsets were blazing and distracting. So you're like sunrises Wonu. Beautiful, still and peaceful to look at.

But when the sun is rising, it emits so much heat and scientific stuff when you look closer. But we don't see it. You don't let us see, Wonu. And for that I think you're incredibly strong. And it is very selfish but I'm glad, glad that you've been a constant and a pillar for a year and more of my life. Although I hope you have someone to lean on too sometimes, and I'm sure you do, it's the least what the world could give you.

Realistically speaking, I can't really give you anything. Nothing even close to the comfort and love that you and your members have always given me. Yes, some might argue that I could give my love. And trust me when I say this, seventeen already has all of it. But the love my clenched fist sized heart could give won't be enough, would it?

Wonu you're also the moon, like everyone says. You're my favorite thing in the sky. Tonight as I was trying to see the moon, I realized I can't see it properly, that's because I didn't have my glasses on. I still couldn't see it with clarity with my glasses too :( Well, that's a depressing story for another time, we're getting off topic.

You don't really need me to say anything. I don't even think I'm entitled to say anything, but something I'm sure of is that, you're a great son. I'm sure you always have been and always will be. Not only that, but you're also a great friend, a great idol and a great everything actually. You're also such a smart-ass. I always say it, but I mean it everytime that I hope you receive all the happiness and love that the world and I can give. It's impossible to always smile but I hope you smile more than anything else.

Oh my lovely Wonu, where would we be without you? I don't know and I don't want to know. So I'm ending this although I feel like I could say more. But you're not a sappy guy who'd like to hear me rant about how much I adore and admire you. So I'll shut up and try to keep this overflowing love contained all in my relatively little body. (Just kidding, I know our Wonu is very kind and would let me chew his ear off.)

Thank you and I love you Wonu <3 Please take care and do whatever makes you happy. You make me happy and giddy. I cry when you do, I'm a sensitive human :') You guys have always kept your promise - we cry together, we smile together.

Sincerely, with all my love,

Tia :3

To be honest, the feelings were very different than what I've written before for the other members. I wrote every members letter (or whatever this is) feeling very love sick kinda and admiring. But Wonu's was something else, I can't even find the word to explain it. I genuinely just hope in my heart that the world makes him happy. And it may be because of certain events that have made me view him in different light. A lot of us have faced loss, and so have I so it just feels like I want to give comfort to whoevers gone through what I have. If you've been having a rough time lately, although it's a shitty thing to say - this time will pass and you will heal. I wouldn't say this if I hadn't experienced it myself. So to my lovely peeps reading this, thank you so much for coming this far. I wish the best for you and trust me, happiness finds it's way. Keep holding on to that strong person you are, for Wonu. It's going to be very hard but it's nothing you beautiful being can't handle. Take care and eat well, my loves! Until next time <3

[wordsofrowan]

Finding Home in the Shadows

Chapter 3 - Lingering Shadows

It was a week before school started for the Graham De Vanily and they were enjoying an early lunch when Marinette received a call. “Hello Maman, Papa?” She asked as she answered the phone.

“Hey Marinette sweetie, are we on speaker?” Sabine asked on the other end of the line. 

“Hold on let me put you on speaker now,” Marinette set the phone in the middle of the table, pressing the speaker button, “Okay you're on speaker.”

“Hello kids!" Sabine gushed, “First things first how are you adjusting to Gotham?”

“Hello Sabine,” Amelie spoke up pleased to be talking to the woman, “The kids are having a wonderful settling into Gotham. The city has such a vibrant energy, and we've been exploring and getting to know the area. It's been quite an adventure so far!"

Felix chimed in, his voice filled with enthusiasm. "And the architecture here is incredible! We've been awestruck by the Gothic buildings and the rich history surrounding us."

Marinette nodded in agreement. "Oh, and the fashion scene is to die for! I've already started gathering inspiration for my designs. Gotham is a city of style and creativity."

Amelie, who was enjoying her meal alongside them, added, "And I've been meeting with some business contacts and exploring opportunities for Graham De Vanily Enterprise. Gotham offers a lot of potential, and I'm excited about what the future holds."

Sabine's voice beamed with happiness. "That's wonderful to hear, my loves! I'm so proud of you for embracing this new chapter in your lives. Now, the reason I called... Alya just came over.”

Marinette's expression shifted, her curiosity piqued. "Alya came over? Did you give her the letters?" Her tone carried a mix of surprise and concern.

Sabine interjected, her voice calm and composed. "Yes, Marinette. We gave them to her just like you had asked. We explained that you needed a clean break and that you've been doing better since then."

Chloe, who had been quietly listening, spoke up with a touch of apprehension. "How did the blogger react Aunite? Did she understand?"

Sabine's voice held a hint of reassurance. "Alya was initially taken aback, but she eventually understood. She appreciated the honesty and clarity of the situation. I believe she's ready to move forward as well."

Marinette let out a sigh of relief, her tension dissipating. "Thank you, Maman. It's a relief to know that Alya understands and respects my decision. Both of us need to focus on our own paths now."

Felix, always supportive, offered a comforting smile. "We're here for you, Marinette. And we're proud of you for prioritizing your own well-being. This clean break will allow you to fully embrace your new journey at Gotham Academy."

Amelie nodded in agreement. "Indeed, Marinette. This fresh start in a new city presents endless opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. You have a clean slate to create the life you want, surrounded by supportive friends and family."

Marinette's determination shone through her words. "Thank you all. Gotham has already been a place of inspiration and growth for me. I'm excited to see what lies ahead, and I'm grateful to have each of you by my side."

With the lunchtime conversation winding down, Marinette and her family finished their meal and continued their preparations for the upcoming school year. As they cleaned up the table, Marinette's phone buzzed with a new message notification. She quickly checked her phone and her eyes widened with excitement.

"Guys, you won't believe this," Marinette exclaimed, her voice filled with anticipation. "I just received an email from Gotham Academy. They've sent the class schedules for the semester!"

Felix and Chloe eagerly gathered around as Marinette prepared to share the class schedule she had just received. "Let's see," Felix said, reaching out to catch a glimpse of the screen.

Marinette opened the email and quickly scanned through the contents, her eyes darting across the screen. "Okay, here we go," she began, a blend of excitement and relief in her voice. "First period, Advanced Placement English Literature with Mr. Barnes. Second period, Pre Calculus with Ms. Adams. Third period, A.P. U.S. History with Ms. Lee. Fourth period, Chemistry with Dr. Rodriguez."

As the trio absorbed their class schedule, Marinette's excitement soared. "Guys, we're so lucky! Look," she pointed out, "Headmistress Lovell has already pre-approved our internships. This means we'll have half-days of school and can spend the rest of the day working at our internships."

Felix's face lit up with enthusiasm. "That's amazing! It's such a valuable opportunity to gain real-world experience and apply what we learn in class to practical situations."

Chloe nodded confidently. "Having internships alongside our studies will give us a significant head start in our respective fields. It's an excellent chance to build connections and develop essential skills."

Marinette couldn't help but feel a surge of nerves and anticipation. "I'm thrilled about my internship, but I'm also genuinely looking forward to immersing myself in these subjects. English Literature will allow me to delve into captivating stories and analyze them, while Mathematics and Science will challenge me and expand my problem-solving abilities."

Felix chimed in with his own enthusiasm. "I've always loved English Literature, so studying classic works and analyzing them will be so much fun."

Chloe nodded in agreement. "And Mathematics and Science are right up my alley. I can't wait to dive into complex problem-solving and engage in exciting scientific experiments."

Marinette smiled, her excitement bubbling beneath the surface. "History has always fascinated me. I'm eager to learn more about Gotham's rich past and how it has shaped the city we see today."

The friends shared a moment of anticipation and shared interests, fully aware of the incredible opportunities that lay ahead. With their class schedules and internships aligning, they knew they were embarking on a journey of growth and exploration, both inside and outside the classroom.

Amelie, who had been observing the conversation, chimed in with a supportive tone. "You all have such diverse interests and strengths. It's wonderful to see how you're looking forward to your classes. Remember to embrace each subject with an open mind and give your best effort. Learning is a journey, and this is your chance to expand your knowledge and discover new passions."

As the evening progressed, the trio continued to discuss their class schedules, sharing their excitement and making plans for the first day of school. They decided to meet early in the morning to walk together and ensure they wouldn't get lost in the sprawling halls of Gotham Academy.

Marinette couldn't help but feel a surge of anticipation mixed with a touch of nervousness. The unknown always carried an element of excitement, but she was confident that with her friends by her side, they would navigate the challenges of high school together.

As they bid each other goodnight and retired to their rooms, Marinette's mind buzzed with thoughts of the upcoming day. She lay in bed, envisioning the possibilities and adventures that awaited them at Gotham Academy.

With a deep breath, she closed her eyes, ready to embrace the new school year and everything it had in store. Tomorrow would mark the beginning of their journey at Gotham Academy, and Marinette couldn't wait to embark on this new chapter with her friends by her side.