#about how bisexuals dont have a concrete community

[aceaceace144616]

How am I supposed to be bisexual AND trans?

Someone please give me instructions

[yonpote]

tell me what the video Basically, I’m Gay means to you?

oh god thats hard to sum up, like personally? it came out at an interesting time for me in terms of my own coming out journey (vaguely out as a woman-enjoyer, not yet out as any sort of gender, and also still had not embraced being a man/having capacity for masculinity specifically)

as ive talked about a bajillion times at this point, the most important part for me was the section on labels and whether or not it even matters. when big came out i was still at a point in my life where i felt like the words that i assigned myself said everything there is to say about me and straying away from a specific definition of those words means that i am not really that identity or that i had to contort myself to fit that identity. i still kinda struggle with that tbh like ive been all over the place wrt exploring labels since i was a teen but at some point in adulthood i felt like "ok but now i have to lock down a concrete identity that i am going to be forever and will paint how the world sees me" but thats just. not the case for me! as a teen i first discovered the word genderfluid and was like, "okay this is my gender" and while ive changed labels over and over again i think at my core my gender (and subsequently sexuality) literally is fluid in that it's going to keep changing as my understanding of myself changes.

so even tho i Knew this, hearing someone important to me say that hey you dont have to have your labels figured out and you dont even have to use them if you dont want to! was very helpful for me. like i think today the specific labels i use arent Who I Am but rather, im trying to convey an idea of how i'd like to present and who i am attracted to that other people can understand (which you can argue that shouldnt be how we use these labels but in reality it's what most easily gets me access to medication i need and communities i can bond with and thats whats most important to me)

idk if this was the answer you were looking for i did a whole live writeup when i last fully watched BIG but its uh incredibly dangender so i'd rather not post publicly but like dm me if you want to read the ramblings of an insane bisexual

[3416]

Do you think that bisexual Buck could be confirmed on 9-1-1? Idc about buddie but am someone who believes that Buck is bi. There have been comments, Buck using gender neutral pronouns when talking to Maddie about her crush, Maddie saying that she wouldn't set up Josh with Buck because Josh deserves better and TK thinking that Buck was flirting with him. How do you think this would be written in the story? People forget that LGBT+ characters don't need romantic relationships to be good rep.

i think people forget that a lot too, lol. and there is a much better case for bi buck than any other sexuality headcanons in the og in my opinion, but i still don't know if the show will ever go out of their way to confirm it. like fandom truly can discuss rep until we're blue in the face but all the arguments about gay vs bi characters when the character on tv is actually portrayed as straight and will likely never be anything but is silly to me. i've seen a lot of that for eddie and i'm like...... fbdndjdjd all the infighting for smth that's not gonna happen is crazy imo. headcanon all you want.. you dont need "proof" just to have fun or stretch canon or write or think, but the arguments about viability are unhinged.

i personally think it might just stay a headcanon for buck still though.. if they continue to make him date women on screen until the shows over, but i still think it's much more reasonable to see potential in this being acknowledged when compared to a whole ship between two main characters becoming canon. i just feel like the best advice is don't get your hopes up?? like i know it's way too late for so many people, but i read some of the lines that people use as evidence like the stuff with tk or the joking about josh as more fanservice than narratively teeing anything up, so it's hard to say. knowing the writers see the fan talk online and discuss it amongst themselves but have never actually done anything concrete beyond some random lines feels like them saying: we see you, we appreciate you, here's something to have fun with, but that doesn't mean your interpretation is the end all be all or what we wrote/think about the characters or even what the majority of the demographic thinks so we're not gonna change the entire vision just for your hyperspecific ideas. and that's... how media works, and so many people forget it or never knew in the first place apparently. literally a lack of recognition that other people have different interpretations AND that you are part of One of those and not necessarily the majority just bc you're in your little online community. sorryfjdjf that morphed into more rant but ultimately! that seems more reasonable to think, but i still don't know that the show will ever go there tbh!

[lgbtpolitics]

What do you actually mean by mixed feeling about mspec labels?

So I am neither against nor pro mspec labels such as pansexual omnisexual etc.

I entirely agree that a lot of peoples reasoning for not identifying as bisexual are rooted in biphobia. There is also a purity complex around the pansexual label, promoting the idea that a more "inclusive" sexuality is better.

I am opposed to the idea that sexuality is simply a matter of 'identifying' rather than concrete reality and I think this is compounded for bisexuals due to mspec labels. The general rhetoric around mspec labels seem to boil down to 'just pick one' which certainly minimises peoples experiences.

Having said that, I don't think it is entirely biphobia that makes people want to call their sexuality by a different name. Bisexuality is much broader than being gay or straight, it can mean a lot of things. We have names for sexual orientations for the same reason as anything else: it just makes communication easier. When something is as broadly defined as bisexual I can kind of see why people feel it doesnt necessarily make communication easier, and they always end up explaining what they mean specifically anyway.

I used to identify as a bisexual who mostly liked women. I remember seeing this post (it was pretty popular lol some of you may remember it) that had little pie charts showing like amount of attraction to different genders, ranging from tiny percentages to 50/50 saying "these are all bisexual!". And I remember kind of thinking how I dont really have the same sexuality as someone who mostly likes men. That didnt come from any position of malice towards someone who predominantly likes men. Just like, they dont really seem like the same thing do they? This is what I mean when I say I'm more inclined to support labels like homoflexible than the likes of omnisexual.

In summary what I think is that there is a fine line between wanting to distance yourself from being bisexual out of believing in stereotypes and wanting to be more clear about your sexuality. In fact, I would say its often a combination of the two. So I'm not down with saying all labels are great and "valid" but nor am I prepared to say that anyone who like multiple genders and doesnt id as bi is simply biphobic.

[brookeandrylee]

Chapter One

Ry walked up the steps towards the communications building on campus. She’d always wondered why they had such a big building for such a useless subject. As she climbed the steps, she counted every time her feet hit another slab of cracked concrete. Seven...eight...nine...she counted silently. So many stairs for such a purposeless task.

Ry was never the type to seek out extra credit, she hardly did the regular credit assignments. Sixteen.....seventeen....eighteen....But this professor seemed genuinely interested in her and how she was doing in the class. Ry didn’t really know why, but something about this professor made her want to impress her. Prove to her that Ry’s not a slacker. Thirty one......thirty two.....thirty three....Show her who’s boss.

As Ry reached the top of the steps, she wondered what the extra credit would consist of. ‘She can’t be offering extra credit just for coming’, Ry thought to herself. ‘Then everyone would just show up. There wouldn’t be any opportunity for one on one interaction.’

She entered the communications building and made her way toward Professor Fields’ office, sighing at the idea of having to interact with other humans.

“Hi, Brooke!” she chirped as she forced a smile on her face

Brooke was seated in her small but cozy office suite, there was a dark wooden desk with an orange upholstered chair. The curtains were drawn, it was lit only by a dim stained glass lamp and the small overhead light. Brooke preferred lower light, as she got headaches often.

The professor was adjusting her glasses when she heard a light tap on the door, the heavy wood swung open a moment later. It was Rylee, one of her more... difficult to reach students. It wasn't that she was dumb, she just didn't seem to want to try. Brooke understood, she was used to kids not taking communications classes seriously. That's why she offered the ones who didn't do the work extra credit. Sometimes you just need someone to show you they're on your side.

Brooke’s hair was in a lose bun, her glasses reflected her computer screen, it appeared she was watching some sort of ted talk. A warm smile graced her features, she stood to shake Rylee's hand, leaning over the desk slightly.

"I'm so glad you decided to show up! It's really great to see you taking initiative in your education." She spoke, her tone was kind and encouraging.

Ry begrudgingly sat down, watching Brooke’s gaze as she moved. “Yeah...um, thanks. So what exactly are we doing today?” Ry asked. She peered around the office, looking at the books that were exceptionally free of dust and the blinds that hung from the windows whose strings were far too long for their size. “I guess I’m just a little confused is all.”

"Oh! Well that's easy" she smiled and waved her hand dismissively.

"I just thought we could talk about how you feel the class is going and maybe what I can do to improve? I've noticed you don't seem too keen on participating and I want to know what I can do as an educator to make this class more enjoyable."

Her smile was soft, but her eyes held a bit of excitement. She seemed genuinely interested in what the girl’s opinions and suggestions might be. She leaned over on the desk, the buttons on her white blouse strained ever so slightly when she did so.

Ry glanced at Brooke, looking her up and down. She had never had a professor so interested in their students before. At least not her. She tapped her pencil a few times against her lower lip before leaving it there while she thought.

“I don’t know, it’s just not really a subject I’m interested in. I mean...how hard can it be to communicate? I just don’t understand the need to take a class in it.”

Ry looked at Brooke, hoping to get a read on what she wanted to hear, but her focus shifted downward to the front of Brooke’s shirt. Her eyes darted back to the bookcase when she realized that she was looking for too long.

"Well I mean there's plenty of ways communication happens everyday that we dont immediately think about. Like nonverbal signals, body language, eye contact." She shrugged.

"But also written or vocal things like subcontext and tone, or double entendre... there's plenty of things we as a species use to communicate. And picking up on those signals makes us effective communicators." She gestured to Ry.

"Like I can tell right now that you're somewhat uncomfortable, because of your posture, and the way you aren't looking at me." She observed...

"So what can you gather from my body language and signals?"

“Oh, um...I don’t know...”, Ry trailed off, trying to think. She looked at Brooke. The way she was sitting forward in her seat, resting on the edge of it, arms sat out on the desk, in crossed. Ry looked into Brooke’s glistening brown eyes and focused.

“I guess you seem interested and...” Ry smirked and tried to stifle her laugh. She eyed Brooke’s messy bun and cuffed jeans. Ry thought back to the books in the shelf. Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Audre Lorde..She wasn’t sure Brooke wanted to hear it, but ‘nonverbal communication’ was telling Ry that she might be gay.

Brookes head tilted to the side in curiosity. "And...?" She trailed off, hoping to get the girl to finish her thought. "Don't be shy I can take it" she said playfully, pushing a piece of he hair behind her ear.

Ry smirked and shot her eyes away, looking almost like she was rolling them. She put her tongue in her cheek and gently brought it across her lips.

“Well, I’d say you’re interested and um...gay...or at maybe bisexual....but that’s just based on what I see.”

Ry tried to start back pedaling, immediately regretting what she had said, not wanting to offend Brooke. She really needed to pass this class and the last thing she needed was for Brooke to rescind her extra credit offer.

Brooke blushed slightly. Ry had caught her off guard, as most people wouldnt notice something like that without knowing what to look for.

"Is it that obvious?" she chuckled, scratching the back of her neck. "But yeah, guilty. Came out in high school" she seemed a little uncomfortable talking about this with a student, but considering it was just Ry, it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Just out of curiosity... what gave me away?" She joked

Ry was surprised. She didn’t think Brooke was actually gay, let alone would admit it.

She giggled and nodded towards the bookshelf. “Virginia Woolf? You can’t be serious!” She laughed. “If you wanted it to be a secret, that’s not exactly helping your cause.

“And not to mention..” Ry lifted her left leg so it sat at a right angle across her right knee while she pointed to her cuffed jeans. “Twins”. She said either a sly smirk.

Ry smiled. She saw Brooke as more of an equal now. And it wasn’t that she didn’t think that she was an equal before, but now she felt...attainable. Like a real person with feelings and flaws and...appeal. Ry had never really noticed before, but Brooke was hot. It wasn’t that she wasn’t before, she definitely was. But now that she knew that she was gay, the rules changed a little.

Brooke was letting her guard down slightly. There wasn't a lot of queer activity on campus, which had kept her from feeling comfortable being out around colleagues and students. But Ry was in the same boat, which made her feel more comfortable.

"Somehow I'm not surprised" she laughed at the jeans. "And what can I say? I like my women to be bad ass. If you're ever looking for feminist lesbian authors, read about Audre lorde and her uses of the erotic. Changed my life,” she said simply. She was probably oversharing or being too forward at this point. But Ry didn't look uncomfortable, and it was still professional, so she let it slide.

“I’ve actually read some of her work.” Ry nodded and smiled. It actually felt like she was getting somewhere with Brooke. Like things were almost...friendly. Ry watched as Brooke’s shoulders began to relax and her eyes grew wider. “Huh,” she thought to herself. “I guess you can tell a lot from body language.”

Ry thought of what she could say that would push Brooke a little further.

“But I’m not extremely familiar with what you’re discussing. The erotic? I can’t imagine writings being ‘life changing’ for something so...personal. Especially not a ‘bad ass woman’ like me.” Ry laughed and winked, trying to make it feel like a joke.

[couloredgrey]

Normally, i am not a person who uses her tumblr and especially not for writing texts, but this is a topic which breaks my heart everyday and makes me doubt.

Its Pride Month - a month full of happiness, proud, sense of community and mutual power, but also the negative aspects for all members of LGBT. I see this month divided into two parts, because of my own sexual and romantic orientation. I identify myself as asexual and somehow biromantic, but i'm not sure yet.

And my identification as asexual brings us to the topic which breaks my heart.

The exclusion of asexual / aromantic / agender from LGBT and also LGBTQ or which name you use. On the one hand i'm part of it due to my romantic orientation (B), but on the other hand i'm excluded from many peoples who say i'm part of AVEN. So, in general i had to splitt myself.

There are people out there who are part of LGBT and excludes us. During talks with different points of view in my personal enviroment, they gave my several reasons why the A-spectrum shouldnt and isnt part of LGBT and also no part of LGBT+. For them, there is no LGBTQIA or something similar which includes us.

Sometimes because of historical reasons. We were never persecuted, killed, discriminated like gays or transgenders or, or, or. Do you know how many people are out there, asking themselves whats wrong with their sexual or romantic attraction and cant find out they are maybe asexual or aromantic because nobody is talking about or even heard about it? Many, so many people. We became and we are suppressed by denying our existence and because of that, nobody of us can be persecuted or killed for that. But also, we dont have a chance to raise up our voices and be who we are. People doubt themselves, other rational explanatory reasons for their lack of interest are discussed (mental illness, trauma...) and surrender to the expectations of others. Lead a relationship because it is normal. Have sex because it is normal. Say their gender is their sex because it is normal. But it isn't normal.

We may have not the sad historical background like other sexual / romantic orientations or gender identities, but we have to face problems too in our daily life. Mostly denial, prejudice and lack of understanding and this isnt easy. Maybe people wouldnt harm us because we dont harm them with kissing a same-sex person in front of them, but we arent accepted. Like i said, we are repressed by social norms, values ​​and rules.

Growing up as a teenager who identify as asexuel brings many difficulties. People say i'm mentally ill (and hopefully we all know that sexuality isnt a mental illness) or that my lack of sexual interest is just for puberty. I become normal with time and that in truth I am just disgusted with sex like little kids. Also i am kind of forced to have sex. We live in a sexualized society where people say they can only have a relationship with somebody when the sexual intercourse is good enough. Yes, asexual doesnt mean i have no sexual intercourse, but often it goes hand in hand. I dont want to be forced to have sex, but i also want a romantic relationship ('cuz i'm not aromantic, you know), marriage, maybe adopting childrens or something like that. But when my partner comes into the relationship and says that sexual intercourse is necessary for everything more serious. How would you feel? Somebody says to a gay man he has to have sexual intercourse with a woman as a requirement to have a relationship with another man? And in the end, it was way easier to say i'm biromantic (or just i'm bi to people who dont know the difference between romantic and sexual attraction and arent into the whole LGBT stuff) than saying and explaining i'm asexual. LGBT is more accepted, tolerated and more comprehensible than AVEN, at least in my living environment.

Looking at the founding, we see LGBT is existing since the 1990s, later with Q. AVEN was founded in 2001 - nearly 10 years later. Yes, we were never a official part of the LGBT, but as we can see additions were made (Q). Not for the members of AVEN. I don't know the concrete history of the AVEN founding because it isnt that known in Germany, but i know the reasons: creating public acceptance and discussion of asexuality. It is a safe place for us, just for us. Like i said, we were faced with a lack of understanding and tolerance. Not only by normal people (e.g. straight, cis), but also by people who identify themselves as a part of LGBT and were also confronted with discrimination, lack of tolerance and prejudice. And thats a shame. People who made bad experience dont treat others better. In Germany, there is a saying: What you do not want to be done to you, do not add to any other. Something like that in english.

Why it isnt possible to have the LGBTQIA+ or whatever we would call it as the standard. Some people call it the community today, but there are many people more who exclude the A because we have our own organisation. You could compare it with a city. In this case LGBTQIA+ is the city with different districts (e.g. AVEN) who have their own matters, problems and concerns, but want to achieve a big goal - acceptance, tolerance, equality. No matter what sexuel or romantic orientation, no matter which gender identity. Whats wrong with this thought/idea? We have a international goal and even for this, the progress is not the same everywhere. It varies from country to country. Why can not you subdivide again depending on the specific needs of different games and include all the norm deviating?

In my eyes there are huge differences between the acceptance of gays, lesbians (or just homoromantic) and bisexuals/romantic in my enviroment. Gays are mostly accepted, part of films and series, representative in the society. Lesbians are often sexualized. Men find it (sexually) exciting and give offensive comments for example. Bisexuals are just the normality and nothing to make a big deal about because the still love the other sex. Comments like "Bit bi, never hurts" to straight people are normal too. Even if you dont notice it directly, the different components of LGBT have to deal with different problems.

But what counts: We all have problems (partly similar) because of our sexuality and gender identity and fight for the same goal. LGBT / LGBTQIA+ should be a role model and shouldnt exclude the A-spectrum. No matter which reason they have. In the eyes of society we are all not normal. And to the people of say asexuality, aromantism and agender isnt a sexual/orientation or a gender identity: e.g. asexuality is the sexuality without (any) sexual attraction towards others and this isnt the normality. We can all empower ourselves by holding together. We can all evolve, learn from each other and learn with each other. Nobody said that LGBT always has to be LGBT. And after all, Q is now also a part of it today. Expand it.

Happy Pride Month to all of you ❤

[ventylatte]

15/06/19 - 3:08am

i wanna try replicate my mind yesterday when i was doing the dishes at 10pm because it was really racing lmao

as mentioned prior, dan’s video on his sexuality really made thoughts that already swarm my mind way louder than usual, paired with the empty shelf that’s been left empty in my mindscape that had once been FILLED with a-level knowledge and stress. it’s now home to a bunch of loud questions about my identity, ranging from my nationality, religion, where i belong (maybe i’ll rant about that some other day, but i’ve made it vocal to people before) to my sexuality. i’m not sure if this was a ‘realisation’ of sorts but a couple months ago on a walk home from school, i remember declaring ‘if i was white, i would have probably come out as bisexual a long time ago’

and yeah i still believe that, 100%!

because despite my coconut-exterior that i seem to project (i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, i feel devalued), i am brown: i do still have asian-indian parents that wouldn’t be thrilled about their son or daughter claiming they’re gay (i say ‘claiming’ because that’s what it would be to them. i know it. ‘such a typical claim in this weird society. bound to happen, it’s a trend these days’, etc.)

i remember asking my mum what she thought about the lgbt, and if i remember correctly, she didn’t mind it, but didn’t want it in her family or ‘circle’.

now i ain’t criticising my parents. many would, but i really can’t. because they were born in a different generation, in a different time where the lgbt community wasn’t exactly as prominent as it is today.

but good god. one day an advert for that reality tv show, ‘the bi life’ i think its called, popped onto the tv, and my dad was all ‘what the hell is this? … freakshow’ (he muttered)

AND I FELT? HURT? no, ‘hurt’ is a strong word. just a bit… prodded at?

and i still can’t decide the reason. was it because i was wondering where i should draw the line with my dad’s remarks towards the lgbt community? i’ve always had this internal debate with myself about whether i’m sort of ‘silencing’ my dad by taking a stand in issues he doesn’t really believe in (primarily the lgbt community, he’s cool with feminism… to an extent lol). he always has a shout about how people can only say what they’re really thinking behind closed doors. would i be taking this away from him? where can i really draw the line in this whole counter-argument of my parents simply being born in another generation? i mean, sure, they aren’t hurting anyone outside (i really hope), but his comments do affect me.

that’s reason 1 i felt a bit disorientated. society’s a bit mad with labels, and i couldn’t find it in me to label my parents a pair of homophobes. BUT AT THE SAME TIME THERE ARE ADULTS THEIR AGE THAT ARE WAY MORE ACCEPTI- i need to stop before i get trapped in this circular argument that i’ve had 19218839 times with myself before - this is already so much longer than i thought it’d be lmfao.

reason 2? and here’s where i feel fake and dumb. something in me resonates with bisexuality.

JESUS, my hands TINGLED and my FACE tingled and it’s starting to heat up right now because i never, ever, ever got that in words, let alone WRITING. because that would make it a real, concrete argument. and maybe no i dont think so elina, stop right theeree duedddeee

i dont know.

i dont know.

sigh.

i dont.

know.

referring back to ‘if i was white, i would have probably come out as bisexual a long time ago’, i know that i would have come out as bisexual if i was white because i feel they have way less to consider when doing so. that’s not to assume that all white people have caring, understanding and liberal parents (but let’s face it dude, white parents are more likely to come around to the idea and other ideas in today’s society that rigid, asian parents would not. might just research into that, lol). a white girl can and will marry a girl if they feel like it, and that’s amazing, that’s so good, that’s so cool that they don’t have maybe other questions that halt this process like: - okay but HOW willing am i to marry a woman? - how plausible is a relationship with a girl? cause, ladies and gents and everything in between, these questions are always pinned under ‘what percentage of me would be with a man rather than a woman’ because fucking damn it, weddings are MAN an d WOMAN AND BITCH IF I AM WHAT IM SCARED TO BE WHAT IF MY HEART LEADS ME TO A WOMAN AND NOT A MAN. think of all the disappointment. white families aren’t as extended as asian families - the news would spread like a vicious wildfire. the prospect of bisexuality for an asian person or a person of colour generally is always pinned with this disgusting, self-denying statement that they really don’t want to think:

‘even if i am, there’s like a bigger chance i’ll marry a man so it doesn’t really matter, right?’

that bigger chance will forever stem from these expectations set by their families, i think.

and it’s always that question that makes them think ‘WELL shit i guess i aint then considering i practically negotiated my sexuality: u cant do that rookie, sexuality is SET IN STONE, so there’s no way you’re that sexuality. you’re only saying it because it’s a thing in society to be.’

it’s just why i dont believe in labels in general, and i love dan’s video so much for dedicated a section towards the matter. sexuality to me is fluid. the only thing that kind of makes it concrete are those labels. labels are great for some people: it gives them a name, a sense of normality in such a heteronormative society. but there’s a negative in that no one can simply just. be.

i wanna.

i dont wanna really.

sigh, am i just trying to align myself with society today? this label-filled society where your worth comes from how many labels you have slapped onto your blazer? it’s like those little patches those sporty, intelligent girls got in assemblies for being leader of the netball team or for excelling in ‘resilience’ or whatever that heck that means. those patches, except they have ones for ‘brown’ +1 point! ‘female’ +1 point! ‘sexually-confused’ +1 point! unless u think ur str***ht, in which case -2 points! where was i going with this AGH my brain isn’t being cohesive it’s just spitting shit everywhere.

another thing that makes me deny it all is my friend. let’s call her peach: she’s brown, muslim, pakistani, has very strict parents, but is still happy to identify as ‘gay’ to the world, and that’s amazing. but it sort of makes me wonder why i haven’t done that yet = thus suggesting ‘yeah im not REALLY, i would’ve felt it like she did in year 8, felt more passion for it - and i dont even have parents as strict as hers, so i can’t be!’ but her sexuality has also been generally fluid: she’s dating a guy at the moment, and has practically abandoned labels for the time being. goals lol.

what the fuk am i saying oh my goddddddd i can’t even make sense of it because i feel like im being super insensitive towards white people sigh forget it im going to bed, maybe i’ll string together something that makes bloody SENSE. its 3am egghj.

EDIT: I POSTED THIS ON RREI-CHAN AFHIAFAHIFA it wasn’t up for long, could’ve been so much worse, could’ve been on ryuga-zuki

[quill-and-chalk]

saw ur post abt lesbian discourse and if u support bi/pan “lesbians”: hi! trans girl here! lesbians fucking like women. to say that we dont is misogynistic as hell. to say that we can like men is misogynistic and lesbophobic as hell. to say that its transphobic to say that lesbians cant like men is transmisogynistic: you’re the one calling mysef and other trans women men.

Y’all that post was not meant to ‘highlight’ lesbian discourse or any other specific discourse. It’s was made to highlight how gatekeeping and exclusion is inherently bad and harmful for our community. So before anyone asks, I support people calling themselves whatever label they like because it’s THEIR LABEL! It’s for them not for you. Find better things to argue about.

However, I will bite cause I did say I can explain how any exclusionist behavior stems from TERF ideology.

TERF ideology often states that to be a ‘real feminist’ you have to ‘give up’ men because if you center them in your life in anyway then you are supporting the patriarchy. (Many TERFs encourage women to ‘turn lesbian’ and therefore bi-ness in anyway is deemed as a ‘failure’ by these people. And you’re not doing enough.)

To invalidate a persons identity simply because they use the term ‘Bi’ lesbian is clearly related to this argument. Since a lot of people use the term Bi lesbian if they are bisexual and homoromantic or vice versa. They might only want to date women but still acknowledged their Bi-ness. By excluding this term you follow the TERF line of thinking of “Centering men in anyway makes you invalid”

Then to move on to another definition of Bi lesbian is that they would date non-binary people and women. Which as a non-binary person this makes sense since I don’t group myself with male or female genders. Since Non-binaries are in this separate category it’s possible to be straight/gay/lesbian and be attracted to Enbys, and it’s all possible to be straight/gay/lesbian and not be attracted to enbys . If you just identify as lesbian but you also date non-binary people thats cool, but if you want to highlight that you can be attracted to non-binary people then that’s cool too. Bi simply means two or more and therefore it can be used to describe attraction to just enbys and women.

By saying that these people are wrong in how they choose to identify honestly traces back to the belief that non-binary people just don’t exist or/are just Cis people trying to be special and therefore you can’t acknowledge them in your sexuality/romantic label because they don’t exist and shouldn’t be mentioned. Another common TERF belief.

Now if anyone is using this label to claim they can be lesbians because they like trans men but not Cis men or because they view trans women as men then yes of course that’s shitty. 100% agree on that. (Also question when did I ever say I thought trans women were men? I don’t agree with that statement AT ALL so please don’t put words in my mouth) Though that’s not the definition I am getting, even from anti- Bi lesbian sources. Also to add onto this, the term Bi/pan lesbian seems to be a term that’s forming and being discovered and discussed among its users, rather than a already concrete term. 

This term is going through growing phases which means it can easily be misconstrued or mishandled especially by outsiders looking in. Which means people are excluding a whole term because of how a few people describe it, and they aren’t even giving that term time to form and develop into a solid label that has a solid definition. So even if some people are using the term in a transphobic way, there are a lot of people who ARE NOT and when these people are the majority then they will end up shaping this label. Long story short, you can’t say a label is bad when it doesn’t even have a solid definition.

Though the bottom line is we as a community spend so much time fighting within our own community when we shouldn’t! Especially over things like someone else’s labels! Don’t be tricked into believing exclusionist ideology because it’s ALWAYS bad and rooted in TERF ideology. Respect other people. Respect their labels. End of story.