#is the act of hoping this betraying the queer community?

[aceaceace144616]

How am I supposed to be bisexual AND trans?

Someone please give me instructions

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[shaunashipman]

they’re going on about how the writers failed buck and failed oliver in developing this bisexual storyline for buck and that his bisexuality was hardly explored and it’s like what the fuck did you want them to do? obviously we all know the answer is buddie. to them buck’s bisexuality wasn’t explored “properly” because buddie didn’t happen which is a whole other thing . and yet a feelings realizations for buck or eddie for each other would’ve made so much sense yeah. part of me sometimes hopes that if buddie did ever go canon it would end up not giving what they want. you know how sometimes you think two people would make the best couple but then they actually get together and it’s like all the chemistry and spark that existed in the relationship before as it was just disappears because you were meant to be best friends not more

i think part of it is that they didn't get buddie out of it, but also part of it is biphobia. they think his bisexuality wasn't explored because buck didn't fuck someone of a different gender ever episode. what would "exploring his bisexuality" look like? do you think it meant getting involved in his community? going to queer meet ups? reading writings by the queer community? all of which would have been great to see, but we know that's not what they meant. they meant it all about who he was fucking.

if buddie ever did happen, they would never be satisfied, because they and the online "journalists" whose words they cling to would act like it's The Buddie Show (even more than they already do) and would get all betrayed every episode when it didn't get the bulk of the screentime

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about City of Stars episode 9:

I was so afraid this episode would show us the "break up" between Fueang and Krom. I was on the edge during the whole episode.

▪️ If I have to say one thing it is how good Fueang and Krom's relationship is. They really know how to maintain it well and never miss a chance to communicate their needs, fears and reassurances. It's not so common in series to see the main leads being able to take the time to really talk. Every time I thought misunderstandings would lead them to break up, the series found a way to prove me wrong and I loved every minutes. I hope they won't give them any "break up" and the series will continue to show how communication is the key.

▪️ Since Fueang helped Krom out of the club when he was drunk, he's been force to face online backlash from his fans but also from some fans who believe he has a "special" relationship with his friend Kor. I believe this episode handles well how sometimes fans can be too deluded in their own fantasies that they would feel betrayed if their favorites idols do anything outside of what they imagine they should do. This is very relevant of what can still happen to idols nowadays.

▪️ I felt sad for Krom because despite being warned of not checking anything written online about them, he still couldn't stop himself from reading the comments and was really hurt by them. I can try to imagine how difficult it is to face it. So many people already shared their stories about how they had to deal with hate online and how it affected their mental health. I'm just glad Krom found help in his family, friends but also his lover. As it is also the same for Fueang. I'm so glad they supported each other in this very complicated situation.

▪️ Fueang had to also deal with unscrupulous journalists who dug in his past to make him admit things he doesn't want to share with everyone. I found him very brave and patient when he answered their questions. Fueang is really a very good person. I love this character. The calm way he is always speaking with everyone is so smoothing. However, he also has his weaknesses and it seems one of the journalist found a story about his ex boyfriend and wants to make him admit he is gay while knowing it would have an impact on his career.

▪️ I think the story made a good deal about how your past relationship especially if you are queer can affect your career when you are a celebrity. Especially for Fueang who is not out and who always hide his relationships. We learnt about Sarut, his ex who seems to want to sell a video of them kissing when they were together in high school. The betrayal must hurt! Especially when you know that it was Sarut who broke up with Fueang. Why is he coming back now? We don't know yet. Is it about money? Because it's been a while and there is no other reason for Sarut to act this way…

▪️ Special mention to Kor, who is always ready to help Fueang but also faced difficulties in his previous relationship with Namsom because of fans or journalists who didn't accept them. It hurt Namsom and Kor doesn't want this to happen to his best friend. I believe it hit too close to his own situation to make him indifferent. I wish if Fueang and Krom find a way to stay together despite everything, it will make Kor and Namsom be brave enough to try again to be together. They both still love each other and they also deserves happiness.

I can't wait for next week to know what will happen now that the vengeful ex is back to stir up ill feelings.

[hussyknee]

Being triggered by a fic feels stupid. But I really hate what this fandom does to my beloved MoC character. They keep treating him like a fuck up that has to work to be worthy of the white guy that runs away or ices people out when shit gets too real.

In this one my ADHD brown boy is a rock star trying to fill up his anxiety with drugs and casual sex. He's sent to the white guy for a kind of mentorship to straighten himself out. They spend months falling in love, even though white guy keeps turning him down every time he tries to attempt anything more intimate. Finally he outright kisses him and white guy says no, we shouldn't. He says "don't you want me?" And white dude says "no".

MoC is broken hearted and humiliated. He screens the guy's calls, goes away on tour and hits up a stranger for casual sex. The next day he finally checks his voicemail, and it's white guy apologizing for turning him down and explaining he was just scared because he liked him so much. MoC is like "oh shit" and goes back and confesses that he slept with someone. White guy acts like he betrayed him. "But you turned me down!" "I thought you cared enough about me to not be able to sleep with a stranger right afterwards." Tells MoC to fuck off.

Look. I'm ace. I'm not a fan of casual sex. I want the whole true love I-never-even-looked-at-another-person-while-pining-for-you fantasy. I hate when my ship characters talk about the sex they had with other people. I'm in this stupid fandom for the idealised romance.

That said. Fucking what??

This dipshit turned my boy down three times just because he likes to sabotage himself. He broke his heart. And then he wants him to be unable to fuck anyone else right afterwards as proof of his love?He gets to reject him and then make him sound like Ross from Friends going "We were on a break"? He won't communicate but the other person has to read his mind?

I can't even believe that the author has my own hang ups about seeing my ship fuck other people because they've written other fics where that was the case. Everyone else in this fandom seems to love the idea too. This is the first time I'm seeing it framed as a problem, let alone a deal-breaker.

MoC then spends a solid year working on himself to be healthy and responsible and prove to white guy that he's good enough to have a relationship with. He won't take his calls so MoC makes the song they worked on together into a love letter and releases it hoping he'll hear it and understand. Meanwhile white dude just writes an album about how sad he is they didn't work out. This is supposed to be romantic.

In the end MoC lays out his whole heart bare again and white guy nearly pulls his avoidant bs again but they end up together. But frankly I wish he'd get run over by a bus.

It wouldn't be triggering me so badly if it was just about one fic. But it's a pattern of hypocrisy repeated over and over again. I hate how this fucking fandom makes the white dude's self-sabotage and avoidant behaviour out to be so uwu woobie and MoC a terminal fuck up because of his impulsivity and obliviousness. He's basically the personification of ADHD so I can't tell whether they just hate all neurodivergents or just the ones of colour.

This is why I don't want representation. A character you can see yourself in is just an opportunity for white women and queers to visit microaggressions on you by proxy.

[long-suffering-little-spoon]

I JUST REALIZED THAT YOU WATCHED THE OFMD FINALE

H-

How are you feeling 🥲🥲🥲

Pahaha not swimmingly, I'll just say. First I have been doing a bit of the ol' menstruating which means everything is immediately more extreme lol. I've been very conflicted and I'm still not 100% sure how I feel about *THE THING* especially, but this is where I stand right here right now at like 11PM lmao

Under the cut cos this ended up being exponentially longer than I thought it could ever be sorry

Overall I've loved season 2!! It has been so much fun to interact with the community and convert everyone to the Izzy hands cult engage with the fandom week by week. We've had some incredibly beautiful high moments and some lovely refreshing queer joy. I adore the new characters and the developments of our existing ones. I know my negative thoughts here are much more substantial than my positives but this doesn't mean I didn't like it!! I just don't feel the need to describe the positives because I feel like they're pretty obvious and universally recognised, agreed upon and beloved, y'know? (if you want a purely positive thoughts autistic happy flappy hands rant™, i can oblige dw)

Izzy's death is not the only reason I have mixed feelings on the finale. Obviously the episode cuts were a result of HBO'S meddling and isn't the fault of the crew, but the pacing still felt off and everything that happened just kinda washed over me like white noise (haha will wo-). The loose ends were tied up in wholesome ways and if we don't get a season 3 this would be a mostly decent way to end our characters' journeys, if a bit rushed. But then...

Izzy's death. A lot of people feel very very betrayed and hurt by Izzy being killed off, some people don't feel the comfort they used to from this show because of it and no longer want to engage. I don't wanna discount these people's views, more power to them; I cannot stop them from feeling what they feel and doing what they choose. I haven't given up hope on this show but Izzy's death just felt pretty unsatisfying to me?? Putting my bias towards him aside, I get the "killing off mentor at end of second act" trope but I just feel and wish way more could've been done with Izzy. I wanted to see more of him being happy and secure in himself and his found family and his queerness and his disability!! But now I don't get that and it very much stings. I think I could've come to terms more with his death if there had been more time to dwell on it all and get to see the individual characters mourn, but again episode cuts, thanks HBO!! /s. And I know they had the funeral but it still feels like we didn't really get a chance to mourn or treat Izzy's death with the weight it warranted. And I am far too tired especially right now to engage in "is this/is this not bury your gays/disabled character" but I will say I've seen pretty compelling arguments on both sides. As an able-bodied disabled person I don't feel it's fully my place to dictate, but I am upset Izzy was killed right after some big moments in his healing process and being a disabled person and in general just enjoying his life.

Personally I'm not giving up on the show as a whole because the finale left a sour taste in my mouth. I still very much like this show and I'm willing to stick around for a potential season 3 and on future rewatches I'll be able to see the stuff I loved separate from the stuff I didn't. But since looking back now, the latter is most recent, it kind of casts an unpleasant shadow on a very enjoyable season of television.

RIP Izzy Hands you deserved better sweetie, you would've loved Drag Race. And also shoutout to Con O'Neill for a fucking phenomenal performance last season, but especially this one. Izzy was absolutely iconic and a fan favourite for a very good reason, even if imo the writers did him dirty. He was hilarious and a petty little bitch man but then deeply broken and compelling and a genuinely beautiful character with a beautiful journey despite an unfortunate and unjust end?? He slayed.

Wow this was a lot!! Sorry if you were expecting silly goofiness lmfao I got very analysi-ish and a bit melancholic. Thank you so much for the ask JJ, it was a good opportunity to try and express all my thoughts and squish them into something cohesive for both you and me. (And thanks to my friend who I was discussing this with earlier; they helped me get a new perspective by sharing some of his thoughts. Dude, if you're reading this you know who you are, thanks a bunch!!!!)

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

[originally in answer to an anon ask, which was unfortunately lost in the drafting process. I am so sorry Anon! I hope you still find this, somehow]

{in summary, Anon respectfully asked me why I believed that LGBT+ pride was wrong, expressing that they were part of that community as well as a fellow believer and that they viewed LGBT+ pride as a positive reaction to and celebration of how God made them, as well as a support for their ostracized community}

{take this with a grain of salt, I cannot perfectly remember their wording}

~

Hey! Sorry this took me so long to answer. I felt like I had to have the time to give it the thought it deserved.

I really appreciate your willingness to have a peaceful discussion over disagreement. That's counter-cultural right now, but really important.

I do believe that LGBT+ Pride is a political/social agenda, but in the context of this conversation (between two believers in God if I have understood you), I think it is more important that it is a sin.

Not specifically the feeling of pride itself (I don't like to get too semantic about that word personally), but specifically the actions of being bisexual, homosexual, or transgender.

You will note I say actions: temptations are not sins (Hebrews 4:15, Jesus is sinless, yet was tempted).

Attraction to the same sex is not a sin; being insecure in one's identity as a male or female is not a sin. Acting inappropriately on those feelings or desires, however, is a sin. This includes entertaining sinful thoughts. (for example, being attracted to someone you are not married to is not a sin, but dwelling on that attraction and letting it become lust or emotional unfaithfulness to one's spouse is (Matthew 5:27-28). Anger is not inherently a sin, but dwelling on and holding on to anger is (Ephesians 4:26-27) , even if you never physically act on it (Matthew 5:21-24).

I think "pride" in general usage is neither good nor bad. It simply means to be happy or satisfied with something/someone. The Bible condemns pride when it is centered in selfishness, confidence in ourselves alone, but, as you implied in your ask, it is good to be proud of what we are given/made to be by God (2 Corinthians 1:12-14; Philippians 1:25-26; Romans 15:17-19; 2 Corinthians 5:11-12).

I am proud of the person God has made me into since I became a christian. I am proud to be a fellow heir with Christ, sanctified "by the washing of water" to be part of His church.

I am proud of being a woman, as God made me, with all the physical and spiritual and mental gifts and responsibilities which come along with that.

You are right. In being proud of these gifts He has given, acknowledging His work, His craftsmanship, I glorify God. God intends this.

and here we come to the crux of our disagreement: I do not believe that God made anyone "queer".

He absolutely made you and loves you and you are a human with a soul created in His image no matter what you choose, but I do not believe that God intends anyone to be (actively) homosexual or transgender or "queer", any more than He intends anyone to be (actively) alcoholic or vengeful or suicidal and depressed.

We may be (definitely are) born with a tendency toward certain temptations, a natural weakness against certain sins, but that is due to the fallen world. Our bodies, our minds, betray us. The flesh is at war with the Spirit (Romans 7:22-25; Galatians 6:8; look there's a lot of texts about this, here's a search list for "spirit" and "flesh" in the New Testament, which aren't all relevant, but it's a good place to start)

God will not allow any temptation to overtake us that He will not enable us to overcome (1 Corinthians 10:13). This does not mean that we do not stumble or struggle, or even (strangely enough! [to me at least]) that our tendencies to certain temptations do not in some ways define and shape us! (1 Corinthians 7 is...a lot. But, to the best of my current understanding, one of the takeaways we can get from specifically verses 7-9, is that some people have the gift to remain single [and thus celibate], and some do not, and the difference is whether or not that is a significant temptation for them. And neither option is morally more correct! It just depends! Fascinating. Lot more could be said about that. I'm not going to say it.)

Anyway. To make a long point short, I believe that God has made it very clear that every active LGBT+ lifestyle is sinful (I have specific passages for this, but that feels larger than the scope of this already lengthy ask). Regardless of our besetting temptations, God will make it possible for us to live according to His will for us. And once we have accepted Him by obeying the gospel, we are covered in the blood of Christ, which will continually cleanse us from our sins (1 John 1:7) (even those we continue to fall prey to, despite ourselves, after we have accepted Him)(Romans 7:14-25).

Finally, I know we are fellow believers. I hope dearly that we are also sisters. I pray that you have and maintain, or else find, full confidence in your salvation and assurance in the blood of Christ which covers all the faithful (1 Peter 3:21-22; 2 Peter 1; Galatians 3:26-27; Acts 2:37-39)

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve [discover, distinguish] the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless [for] until the day of Christ; - Philippians 1:9-10

If you want to have any more discussion and/or on any of the points I've made, or more scriptures that I have not included here for brevity, or if you have a counter-argument from the scriptures, please do ask or even personally message me! We are both pursuing greater knowledge of God's word. Let us learn together.

Peace to you also, sister. May God bless you in your pursuit of truth.

[wigglebox]

First of all, I just wanted to thank you. Your blog has been such a safe space for me these past few days.

I honestly never thought something like this would happen but now that the dust has settled a bit and all the jokes have died down I'm feeling a little bad for Misha, because I know that there's a real possibility that he is bi. I mean people keep saying things like why would he say he's bi if he isn't?' Or why did the people at stands who know him personally accepted the whole coming out so easily? And the only thing that would make sense here is that he decided to take back his statement after he saw how big it got, and I don't blame him for being blindsided by this to be honest, spn barely ever makes the news. Why would those vultures hop on this of all things? I do feel like a lot of other people feel the same, I see them implying it in their tags but not going further, and I get it. People want to respect his words, but someone going back into the closet after not receiving the reaction they'd been expecting isn’t such a wild theory, hell, I bet a bunch of us had to go back to the closet as well when we felt unsafe.

And if by some miracle he is straight, I really don't get some people's reactions who feel like he's betrayed them or something. Did you only like this person because you thought he was queer? That's like supporting someone else only because they're a woman like you for example. It makes no sense. The people calling him homophobic are even more baffling. The worst thing he's done is, make gay jokes about himself? How does that hurt anyone? Again unless you've decided to support this person only because you thought he was queer, which feels very disingenuous. It's definitely not on the same level, as say, J*red making degrading gay jokes about other people. And not to mention the fact that Misha's always been like this? So no, he didn't queerbait you either. You just didn't put a limit to your parasocializing habits.

It's just been a tough couple of days for me, and not even entirely because of Misha to be honest, but because of how my fellow members of the community showed that you have to act a certain way to feel like you belong. I saw someone basically say that Misha is a coward for not coming out completely if he actually is bi, and as a closeted bisexual living in an unsafe and homophobic environment, that was really disheartening to read, and yes Hollywood is an unsafe environment, especially for a bisexual man.

I honestly think I'm going to take a break from this fandom, so many of my favorite people here have been disappointing me so much lately. I wanted to thank you again for your wonderful blog and hope you have a very nice day.💗

i'm so sorry you feel like you have to leave for a little bit but we'll be here when you get back! <3

i won't touch on everything else you said for the most part bc same.

and it's hard, because you feel like in your heart still, despite him saying both queer things and straight comments over the years, you feel like he's still like... he still obviously belongs. also I mean, poly people are also under the queer umbrella, soooooooo....? we just gonna ignore that?

also straight isn't rigid either. straight is one of those identities people can use for a number of things.

privately, we don't know what's going on with him, so it's hard to make the argument 'this is someone who was forced back in the closet' but what I am standing firm on is the fact that he was forced to label himself at all. people will come back at me with the 'oh but he said it during the dinner' but even then, not really. a 'coming out' usually doesn't happen when you randomly answer a fan's interjection about raising a hand or something. he brought bisexuality up in the poll to the audience and the bisexuality and poets thing but really, it's no more damning than other things he's said.

he's said things that very much allude to 'i'm not a 0 on the kinsey scale' and he's said things that make you go oh okay he said he's straight.

but how straight lol. there are men out there who do call themselves straight but will still have had some kind of intimate interactions with a man, and not just platonically or whatever.

this is me speculating on his private situation which I don't really want to do but the point being is — the man was seeing his name, his ex-wife's name, and his children's names in these articles that are googlable, and reputable [somehow] and once it hit people magazine I think he truly may have started to panic.

and he made his labeling public, on the record, because he had no other choice.

so if he is actually privately out and about doing his thing, and isn't completely rigidly straight as a board — it's NOT cowardly to feel like you can't be yourself publically to the world, especially when other people are involved.

that's another thing i can't understand when people say he was a coward for 'not coming out if he actually as bi' because, no? the fandom on fandom discomfort that's growing every day is very distressing for many queer fans who don't know where they fall, and/or don't know how to address it publically to friends and family, or can't because of safety issues.

other people were getting involved with this. once his ex wife and kids are getting named, that's a whole other story. himself is one thing, but tabloid journalists are ruthless.

people think it's easy for Actormen to come out or allude to queerness and indeed maybe for SOME it is, but it's not the same for everyone. his own personal history wasn't on the line with these press articles, all his loved ones' were too.

Btw if you think it's easy for Actormen, please read this article by Colton Haynes. Trigger warnings for assault and homophobia but it's still a sad reality.

so i don't care if he's straight straight or queer but doesn't know how to define himself and goes with straight for protection or necessity, or if whatever. idk. i don't care.

he had to say it. there was no other choice for him. and you can never compare our situations with his 100% because i know i sure don't have to be worried that the new york post is going to write an article about me or people magazine or out magazine, bringing my family who likes to remain private out into the spotlight with me.

and it is what it is.

he's still the same person. he's never invalidated us, and any time he missteps he apologizes sincerely. and he listens, and he tries to learn. he also has foot in mouth disease which, I really don't feel like ANYONE in this fandom has ANY right to criticize him for because lordy. some of y'all are pretty queerphobic, biphobic — said some really awful things — except y'all don't have to worry about dragging your loved ones into a media and fandom melee and all your private details and relationships are about to become public.

*also when i'm saying 'you' i mean the royal You xD not you-you, nonny I promise <3

[regardingjenmish]

First of all, I just wanted to thank you. Your blog has been such a safe space for me these past few days.

I honestly never thought something like this would happen but now that the dust has settled a bit and all the jokes have died down I’m feeling a little bad for Misha, because I know that there’s a real possibility that he is bi. I mean people keep saying things like ‘why would he say he’s bi if he isn’t?’ Or ‘why did the people at stands who know him personally accept the whole coming out so easily?’ And the only thing that would completely make sense here is that he decided to take back his statement after he saw how big it got, and I don’t blame him for being blindsided by this to be honest, spn barely ever makes the news. Why would those vultures hop on this of all things? I do feel like a lot of other people feel the same, I see them implying it in their tags but not going further, and I get it. People want to respect his words, but someone going back into the closet after not receiving the reaction they’d been expecting isn’t such a wild conspiracy theory, hell, I bet a bunch of us had to go back to the closet as well when we felt unsafe.

And if by some miracle he is straight, I really don’t get some people’s reactions who feel like he’s betrayed them or something. Did you only like this person because you thought he was queer? That’s like supporting someone else only because they’re a woman like you for example. It makes no sense. The people calling him homophobic are even more baffling. The worst thing he’s done is, make gay jokes about himself? How does that hurt anyone? Again unless you’ve decided to support this person only because you thought he was queer, which feels very disingenuous. It’s definitely not on the same level, as say, J*red making degrading gay jokes about other people. And not to mention the fact that Misha’s always been like this? So no, he didn’t queerbait you either. You just didn’t put a limit to your parasocializing habits.

It’s just been a tough couple of days for me, and not even entirely because of Misha to be honest, but because of how my fellow members of the community showed that you have to act a certain way to feel like you belong. I saw someone basically say that Misha is a coward for not coming out completely if he actually is bi, and as a closeted bisexual living in an unsafe and homophobic environment, that was really disheartening to read, and yes Hollywood is an unsafe environment, especially for a bisexual man.

I honestly think I’m going to take a break from this fandom, so many of my favorite people here have been disappointing me so much lately. I just wanted to thank you again for your wonderful blog and hope you have a very nice day.💗

Oh sweetheart, I wish I could give you the worlds biggest hug right now. I'm sending you all the love💕 I know it's been a tough few days especially now where some people have decided that in order to interact with a community you need to tick off the boxes on the checklist they decided to write. So I definitely understand you. I really don't have anything else to add because you wrote this as if you read some of my thoughts so all I can do is just nod my head while reading.

You do whatever you think is best for you. And if that is to take a step back from this fandom, I fully understand you. I mean shit, I've done the same thing years ago so I get it💕

[cowboylikedean]

this article from nyt today https://archive.ph/eUzyW

"It’s difficult, then, to reconcile two of Mr. Styles’s seemingly incompatible public identities, both heartbreaking to many queer fans like me. One, Mr. Styles, assumed a straight man, appropriates the imagery of a marginalized community. Another, Mr. Styles, closeted, performs queerness, presumably in the hope that his community might hold out the palms of their hands and welcome him.

In private, Mr. Styles could, of course, claim any — or many — of a spectrum of gender identities and sexual orientations. But the issue at hand is that Mr. Styles asks us to revel in his performance without giving us the key with which to unlock that performance’s true meaning. It’s worth asking why his door is locked."

"I’m not entirely convinced that the public has a right to know how Mr. Styles describes his identity to his friends. But no matter how (or even if) Mr. Styles identifies, we must not look away from the uncomfortable truth about his public image: The celebrity has deployed queer symbols and fashioned himself an ambiguous icon, without touching the messy, unlikable politics of claiming a public label.

In displaying queer symbols as he does, Mr. Styles may indeed be navigating a culture and its closet as best he can. But he also sends young, questioning fans a message that it’s acceptable, perhaps even advisable, to reject the Harvey Milk mantra that has guided so many in the L.G.B.T.Q. community in our struggle for collective freedom: “Every Gay person must come out.”

"

"If our community seeks true liberation, Mr. Styles’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” queerness must not be something to which we aspire. It should instead be something that we mourn.

Coming out can be an act of political resistance, but it’s also a celebration. We exclaim to the world: “I’m here! I’m queer! You must accept me!” Maybe that isn’t always a palatable, salable message, but if it is offensive to those who hate us, we must shout it.

No matter how he identifies, if Mr. Styles wishes to dance with our symbols, he would do well to pay more attention to their politics, regardless of whether he dreams with us of liberation."

I don't know what to say.

this article is so disgusting. We should MOURN people's right to decide what they feel comfortable sharing with strangers????? REALLY???

The "Everyone Must Come Out" mantra is harmful. Full Stop. It leads kids to come out to homophobic parents, it leads people who don't feel comfortable coming out (because of homophobia or other reasons) to feel like they're betraying their community, it leads straight people to feel entitled to our private lives, it leads other queer people to feel entitled to gatekeep and hyperpolice the community, and it's dehumanizing.

This is bad. And it's also........ Never been everyone's goal historically! The label of "queer" hit it off because people didn't WANT to put themselves in boxes!

Accepting people who chose not to publicly label is important. It keeps us open and accepting to all, it allows people space and time to question without fear or public scrutiny, it allows us to leave room for people who may be in unsafe situations, and it allows us to have the right to privacy.

This article emphasizes over and over that the author doesn't know that we're entitled to Harry's identity, but that the author thinks we ought to be. And like.............. That right there reads to me as "I understand that saying "we're entitled to a queer person's identity" is regressive at best and violently homophobic at worst, so I'm going to preface that that's not what I'm saying....... BUT I just really think that we're entitled to THIS queer person's identity!"

Harry Styles is queer and we don't get to know more than that because he doesn't want to tell us and that NEEDS to be okay with everyone and if it's not okay with you, then you are behaving homophobicly entitled and you need to fuck off.

[perpetuallyfive]

Can trans people be lesbophobic? I'm not talking about Caitlyn Jenner. I'm talking about other trans people who have been lesbophobic towards individuals. How are lesbians supposed to confront transwomen perpetrators when they cry oppression? How is a lesbian supposed to call out to the 'queer community' about what happened to them? When that very queer community says that trans people are not even capable of that? That it must be your fault too (victim blaming).

If you have a meaningful response to this, I think I'd actually be grateful.

Just for context, I can call out straight men, gay men, lesbian women, and pretty much every demographic for harassing me. But why am I not taken seriously when transwomen do it?

Have you considered that this might be the origin of many lesbians feeling betrayed by 'our' 'communities'?

Look, I'm going to try to engage with this and the only way I can do that is by assuming you're asking this in good faith, even though there are a lot of possible warning signs here. Because the actual question you're asking me is can a person, a single individual, be capable of bigotry, biases, or bad behavior. The answer to that is obvious, right? Of course they can. Of course people can do bad things. We all know this. So it's strange to ask, right, unless you're struggling to understand that trans people aren't a monolith and are just, you know, people. A trans woman or a trans man is just a person, just like you are.

Can lesbians be lesbophobic? Can lesbians make mistakes? Obviously the answer is yes. Because lesbians aren't a monolith.

I don't know who you've made friends with that you can't talk about someone hurting or harassing you and still be taken seriously. If that's happened to you, that's sincerely fucked up. That shouldn't have happened. I can certainly tell you, however, that t*rf ideology isn't the solution you're looking for. One of their basic founding ideas is based entirely in gendered absolutes that only men can violate and harass and other women never can. But that's not how people work at all, is it? People are people. That's kind of the point. You shouldn't think of a category of person and try to box them in based on one aspect of identity.

But if your idea of lesbophobia is for a trans lesbian to say that she's a lesbian or something like that, or trans women being included in lesbian attraction, then we have a problem. Because that's not lesbophobia. I hope you would know that, but there's certainly not enough information here for me to know what kinds of instances you're talking about. But certainly trans lesbians exist and lesbians who are attracted to trans women are still lesbians. I see so many absolutely insane hypotheticals about this though where, again, people act like they're being told they have to experience attraction for an entire category of people. That's actually absurd. I'm certainly not attracted to all lesbians. Some of us are absolutely repulsive people with horrible personalities and that's just not my thing. The point is we're just people. We're individuals.

It's just odd that you feel like you're being asked not to see trans women as individuals when that's exactly all people want. To see every trans individual as a person, as themself, and judge them based on exactly that. If you feel unable to express yourself, perhaps consider your words and how you're going about it or, frankly as I said, reconsider your friend group and how much they consider your actual feelings. If you're not feeling heard, perhaps it's the people who you are speaking to that are the problem. And for the record, this is something many people don't know so I'm not trying to pick on you, but I do think it goes to the heart of your question in many ways: it's "trans woman" and not "transwoman." Because trans is an adjective, describing a kind of woman instead of a prefix on a noun describing a different category of person all together. It's like tall woman, shy woman, blonde woman. A trans woman is just a kind of a woman. Can an individual woman be biased or behave horribly? Of course she can. She's human. Maybe try talking to her, having a dialogue, taking questions in good faith even when you're not sure that they're well intended. Or don't, if that single person doesn't feel like they're worth your time. That shouldn't change how you feel about a million other people you've never met. Just try to think of people as individuals, not categories. You don't want to be treated like you're automatically xyz just for being a lesbian, right? So extend others that same courtesy of recognizing their humanity. If you're feeling isolated from our community then learning to talk to people about it is a big first step. It's hard, but it's a start, so I appreciate you sending this message and I hope you found some part of this answer helpful.

[too-spicy-and-too-queer]

Hi, I have to say I love your posts, they help a lot. I'm almost 30, and just realized that being aromantic is a thing. And everything makes sense now but I'm also having a bit of a meltdown. I hope I'm not bothering you, I need someone to talk to that knows about this and you seem nice. The thing is, a close friend is getting married and I'm happy that he's happy, but I don't get it, and I can't be excited for him, so I feel terrible about it. I understand having a partner, but not weddings.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I definitely understand how you feel. When I was a little younger than you, my friends all started getting married, and it was hard on me. I didn't know I was aro yet, but I had hoped that with all the conversations we had where they agreed with me about social norms and monogamy and the expectations of relationships all causing harm for some people, some of them would live differently and deconstruct those norms in their own lives. But they didn't, because those norms were built to benefit people like them, even if a little bit, even if they were also harmed in other ways. I felt abandoned and betrayed for a while as I watched all my friends marry and stop putting any effort into their friendships with me.

Mostly I've gotten over taking this as a personal betrayal (even though it is in a way) as I've built new friendships with queer people who actually have deconstructed some of those norms in their daily lives. I realize my older friends were acting in a way shaped by powerful social forces and that it's really difficult to break away from those norms for many. Still, the end result is harm to me and people like me, and the damage to those relationships is real, and the damage to me is real, and I've had to cope with that.

As for finding someone to talk to, have you joined any aro communities? I've had pretty good luck with those, and people there will understand what you're going through. There are a lot of aro Discord servers and aro forums with people willing and able to help you.

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

(image description: eight sketchbook drawings of characters holding a variety of pride flags, all nude and posed in ways that match some old fine art pieces. The nudity has been censored with cute digital flower stickers. end description.)

Characters:

Dalmar, intersex man. Kouto, nonbinary. Chacha, agender. Parva, nonbinary. Xulic and Kidron, genderqueer. Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, genderqeer. Olli, demiguy. Sajak, genderqueer.

Genderqueer is kind of my default for "well, biologically and culturally, they already don't have binary sex or gender, so they kinda default to genderqueer." And I know maybe some people will be bothered by that, but it's just part of the worldbuilding I've written around all these non-human and frequently non-mammalian species of people.

The uncensored version is on my Patreon page. I do have one more drawing to add to this series, but since it's four child characters I will not need to worry about adding any censors and keeping the original image only on my patreon, as they will simply be wearing their pride flags as whole outfits.

The previous part of this, my binary trans characters, can be found over here.

detailed character descriptions and explanations of the pose references under the cut

Dalmar Ubora, a black intersex elf man with short black hair. He is holding his arms up as he holds the intersex flag, mimicking the pose of Virgin Mary from Titian's painting "The Assumption of the Virgin". The shading was washed out by the photo, but his belly is still clearly round from pregnancy. Dalmar is an interesting case, in that he was assigned male at birth based on his outward appearance, continues to identify as male throughout his life, but finds during puberty that what was believed to be an undeveloped penis was actually just a non functional body part. Instead, what actually developed to full functionality was his uterus. He still identifies as a straight cis man, and has come to terms with his body. He is married to a medically transitioned trans woman, and he could undergo operations to change his body if he wanted to. Instead, he has embraced his body and even birthed some children who were conceived via sperm donations. This is why I wanted a Mary pose for him, and this painting in particular is about Mary being welcomed into heaven as a blessed holy woman. Dalmar may not be a miraculous holy figure, but there is a reverence in the way he has come to love his body and chosen to bear children, including the surrogate birth of his brother's child.

Kouto Hayashi-Loryck, a slender nonbinary elf with black hair tied into a bun. They are holding the nonbinary flag and standing in the pose of a statue known as "Apollo Belvedere", which is so old no one knows the artist's name. One arm raised, one lowered, legs in the relaxed contrapposto pose. Kouto is an artist and an art model. Apollo is a god of the arts, and regarded as a beautiful and sexual figure. Kouto is bisexual and admittedly a very sexual and flirtatious person. They did settle into a happy marriage though (actually they are Dalmar's in-law and the sperm donor for the aforementioned surrogate birth.) Marriage has not stopped Kouto's flirtations, merely limited their targets to a singular person. It felt right to give him this pose, from a pretty well known portrayal of Apollo. Beauty, art, and sex, all defining traits of Apollo and Kouto alike, all present in a pose where the figure seems to be reaching for something above them.

Chacha Faraji, an agender black elf with short hair. They are facing away from the viewer, seated on a stool that is covered by the draped agender flag. No physical traits that could betray their agab are visible. Chacha is sitting in the pose of Reubens' painting "Venus at the Mirror". The arm closest to the viewer ends at the elbow, while they hold a mirror in front of their face with their one whole arm. Their face is seen reflected, smiling, little wrinkles visible by their eyes. I chose this painting in part because it did allow me to obscure Chacha's agab. They were my first nonbinary character, and I never really settled on an agab. But also, I enjoy putting characters who have unconventional bodies into poses associated with Venus or Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty. Chacha is missing half an arm, they are getting older and it shows in the wrinkles on their face. Chacha is also Aromantic and Asexual, the full queer triple A battery. The mirror pose has become an independence of beauty. "Look but don't touch." Chacha is beautiful, and they do not need to be beautiful for anyone but themself.

Parva Turbatus, a white nonbinary elf with shoulder length curly hair that has been shaved down on the far side of their head. They are holding the nonbinary flag, standing in the slightly closed off pose found in Paul Gariot's painting "Pandora's Box". One hand on their chest, one hand held out to hold the flag. They have top surgery scars on their chest and a c-section scar on their navel, though all of these have unfortunately been hidden by the flower censors. I chose a pandora pose for Parva because they have one of the most intense tragic backstories of any of my characters. Like Pandora opening the box, they have suffered through many things but came out the other side with Hope, and healing.

Xulic Vos and Kidron Engedi, a drow and a lizard person. They are sharing the genderqueer flag. Xulic has long ears and white hair in a braid, with a white monkey-like tail barely visible behind their legs. Kidron looks like a leopard gecko, and their tail is acting as a visual block in fron of Xulic's groin. They are standing together in the central pose of Raphael's "School of Athens" fresco. Xulic is pointing one hand up to the sky, while Kidron holds one hand palm down towards the earth. Xulic's chest is visibly flat, however I have rewritten the drow as a eusocial people, who's biology has made most of the common population infertile and visibly near identical above the waist. Xulic's agab is unknown to anyone but them, and perhaps their reptilian lover Kidron. Both drow and lizard folk have biology and cultures that do not really support a gender binary, so genderqueer suits them both quite well. I chose the School of Athens pose because these characters are scientists in fields that overlap, and they often get into deep discussions on the matter. Xulic is a paleontologist while Kidron is a geologist, and they have another friend (my protagonist) who studies archaeology.

Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, an elderly goblin with sagging skin and axolotl-like frills on the sides of her head. She grins as she holds the gender queer flag, partly draped over the tall stool she is seated on. Her pose matches that of John Collier's "Priestess of Delphi" painting, which depicts a woman hunched over herself on a stool. Old Obeli Moruga, whose title best translates to "grandmother" is a significant figure in her community, both because of her more practical role as a leader and wise woman, but also because she has gained immortality and become an incarnation of Life Itself, after she was given the offer of such power when she nearly died in the goblin revolution. There are many figures that would suit her. Poses from statues of goddesses, like Athena or Gaia. Perhaps turning away from the theme of greek and roman figures I ended up with for my nonbinary group (dalmar is his own thing) and using the famous painting of Liberty on a battlefield. But now in her old age, all those poses of figures in more active poses, tall and imposing, simply didn't feel right. A wise old woman, hunched on a stool in a pose associated with the idea of an oracle, a priestess, a prophetess, felt much more fitting. (goblin culture does have specific pronouns for leadership, and in the common speech they have decided this translates best to the feminine "she/her")

Olli Moruga, also a goblin with axolotl-like frills, standing with the demiguy flag in his hands. He is in the pose of Michaelangelo's statue of Bacchus, god of wine, merriment, and madness. One hand up as if to salute with a cup, body leaning and perhaps a little unstable. Olli is a gay demiguy, stepping away from the naturally ungendered state of his people to embrace masculinity instead. He is extroverted, loves a good party, and has definitely been a little over his depth with alcohol on many occasions. He knows this is a problem. He used to act rebellious because of it, trying to be cool and aloof, but he has since admitted the truth to himself and now openly seeks help. His trans lover, Zaire (seen in a previous post) has become a great support to him. Even though it may seem odd to use the pose of a god of wine for a character that is trying to overcome an alcohol issue, I still feel like the vibe of Bacchus or Dionysus fits Olli well. He is not only a god of wine, but also of pleasure in general, a concept Olli embraces. Wild joy, perhaps to the point of becoming a little feral, abandoning tradition for personal fulfillment. It is unusual for goblins to embrace a binary gender, even partially. Gendered pronouns do not exist in their tongue, only being used in cases where common speech needs to be used to refer to certain significant figures, such as a leader. It is also unusual for a goblin to take a lover outside their species, since most goblins live in fairly isolated places and all mate together seasonally, depositing their eggs in a communal nursery pool. Olli stands out on purpose.

Lastly, Sajak, an amphibious person with some fish-like features such as their finned ears and a barely visible dorsal fin. They are holding the genderqueer flag as they stand in a commanding pose, one foot on a rock, one arm held out as if pointing to something below them. This pose is taken from the central Poseidon statue in the fountain of Trevi. Their head, arms, and torso are covered in dark tattoos in abstract designs, and they also have a few natural dark stripes along their arms and legs. The obvious connection between Sajak and this statue of Poseidon is that Sajak is a fish person and Poseidon is an ocean god. If I could have thought of a more medical figure, I may have made a different choice in the art reference. Sajak is primarily a doctor, a healer. They are fairly well known and they were an important figure on their home island, though they did leave eventually. Even so, there is a certain vibe to Sajak that suits the image of a powerful and unpredictable oceanic god. They are steady, intelligent, and careful, but they can become fierce when their loved ones are under threat, and the intense focus they show in their work as a doctor can be intimidating to see. There is a feeling of hidden power within Sajak, just as there is in the ocean when it seems calm. Fish folk, whether bipedal and amphibious or fully aquatic, also fit under my category of "non-mammalian people who are just kind of genderqueer by default due to their biology not fitting into a binary".

[gilly-bean]

Thank you @liyazaki for tagging I also haven't done these in a while and I though it might be fun.

1. our all time favorite bl and why: It has to be I Told Sunset About You. Always and forever. I mean Bad Buddy did come very close and if the last episodes hadn't been the way they were it probably would have been my favorite. Ohm and Nanon's chemistry and the community I found while watching that show were both things I didn't expect that turned into something magical. I will always have a special place for Bad Buddy in my heart. But just for the sheer quality of the show I have to say ITSAY. It's a literal work of art that I wanna make everyone watch bl fan or not because it's just that stunning. They should be teaching ITSAY in film classes for decades to come.

2. that one bl that scarred you for life: I Promised You the Moon. Has a show ever felt more like your loved one betraying you like IPYTM did? IPYTM came into my house, threw me out on the curb and closed the door while I sobbed in the rain asking why. Why did it have to be like this? It did look very pretty while doing it though.

I've moved on now but never make me watch that show again.

3. bl that made you feel very single: Bad Buddy. I'm not generally interested in romance in my life but Pat and Pran made me think that it would probably be nice to have something like that in my life. Just that unwavering support and adoration. Very specifically that beach episode. Imagine just having fun like that with someone you love even though everything else is going to hell? Yeah I wouldn't mind it.

4. if you could change one thing from a bl, which one would it be? Can I use your answer here Mor? I think it says everything I want to.

5. your top five:

I told sunset about you

Bad buddy

Gaya sa pelikula

Not me (even if it hasn't ended yet I'm confident it will remain on my top 5 list. I'm obsessed. Gimme anarchist gays, protest politics, queerness, supernatural twins, amazing musical score and cinematography any day of the week and I'll be into it whatever you do with it)

A tale of thousand stars (those yearning looks, no one does it better than Mix and Earth)

honorable mentions: Dark Blue Kiss. Pete and Kao had the best and most believable LTR I've seen in a bl. Despite some questionable ways the drama was handled in the latter part of the series, I also loved the way queerness was woven into the story. That conversation Pete and Kao had by the pool about the pressure to be good because you're already disappointing your parents with your sexuality? Heartbreaking and relatable.

Oh and We Best Love! I mean I think Gao Shi De's obsession went a little too far in that one for me to fully love it but the acting was superb and there's no denying that.

6. that trashy bl that you lowkey like: Why R U. Now there's a bl with such a messy plot it's incredible I managed to follow it at all but SaintZee had such fire chemistry it didn't much matter. It also had the beach episode to end all beach episodes.

7. your favorite korean bl (it’s important we know): Where Your Eyes Linger. Ugh the dark themes, the toxic relationship, just the right amount of stuff for that eight 10-minute episode long arch the Koreans like to do, everything just worked for me.

8. but also your top 3 for kbls: Can't say I'm a huge fan of the other ones I've watched. Color Rush? That was good. Wish it had a season 2 with both of the leads.

9. season 2? which one? Gaya sa Pelikula desperately deserves a season 2 but I'm not holding my breath for that one and it absolutely breaks my heart.

10. a bunch of dramas will air soon. which ones are you the most excited for? Moonlight Chicken and even the other ridiculous one Earth and Mix are involved in are making me the most excited, I just love those two. Kinnporsche looks like an interesting disaster I will definitely try out and I'm hoping against all odds Between us is finally happening.

11. @becomingabeing I know you haven't watched that many bl's but if you wanna do this I would love to hear your thoughts! And all the other moots who haven't yet done it tag me if you end up doing it.

[queeranesearch]

ohhh haru for the character game????

Dude. I got carried away with this so uh. yea <3

a song that reminds me of them

man i have so many but I gotta say...Welcome To The Black Parade by mcr. NOW HEAR ME OUT.

Even though he’s such a minor character, so much of what he see from him in his ep is so compelling, mainly, that strong desire to act and make a difference, but external circumstances and internal fear preventing it.

Haru’s father (Tyro) is someone he admires greatly, and we learn that he fought with everything he had against the Fire Nation soldiers, even when he was outnumbered. That direct action and pure determination and resilience is exactly what Haru wants to emulate, but doing so would put him and his mother in danger, and, seemingly, the rest of his village have resigned themselves to their situation. ( Haru expresses his anger at the rest of the village for being “cowards” and not showing any resistance).Haru would’ve been around twelve when his village was occupied, so he’s lost his father, his earthbending teacher, but retained the values Tyro demonstrated: ( “ Son, when you grow up/ Would you be the savior of the broken/ The beaten and the damned?") that resistance, the will to fight and protect others, is what he’s left with.

HOWEVER. Haru has this complicated relationship with his mother where she clearly loves him and wants to keep him safe more than anything, but in doing so smothers him and outright condemns his bending despite it being such an integral part of his identity. (which *cough* can be read as a metaphor for queerness, particularly relating to parents of colour wanting to protect their kids but end up hurting them). Of course this only leads to him practicing behind her back, and there’s a clear tension where she snaps at him when he calls the soldiers thugs, telling him not to talk like that. ( Sometimes I get the feelin'/ She's watchin' over me/And other times I feel like I should go)

So in order to survive, Haru’s forced to supress all this anger he feels at the state of what his home has become, and watch everyone around him surrender themselves: there’s no strength in community anymore, and maybe, there never was, seeing as how easily that old mf betrayed him after Haru saved his life. (A world that sends you reelin'/ From decimated dreams/Your misery and hate will kill us all). So this leads to him feeling disenchanted, discouraged, and pretty hopeless about his situation. But then, of course he meets best girl Katara and she understands his trauma, has that same righteous anger, and is so full of hope. She’s able to remind him what he stands for and inspires him to take that leap, even when his own father was beaten down and discouraged, making him rediscover his own strength and hope. (Do or die, you'll never make me/ Because the world will never take my heart)

And I do joke about Haru is just some guy because. Well, he is. But that makes him even more compelling because you get insight into the life an ‘ordinary’ person, not a main character, not a chosen one, someone who isn’t gonna save the world but still someone who’s gonna do his damn best to make a difference where he can. ( I'm just a man, I'm not a hero/Just a boy, who had to sing this song/I'm just a man, I'm not a hero)

what they smell like

Farm boy smells like natural things; hay, earth, grass, and sun kissed skin.

an otp

You already know. Jetru my beloved <3 Two ek boys full of compassion and strength, wanting to make a difference, finding peace in each other <3

a notp

Hm I guess Ty Lee and Haru? Sorry chibi shorts.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

I absolutely go bonkers thinking about Haru and both his parents but this is already too long so I won’t go into more detail </3  But I adore Katara and Haru as friends so much!! They both have a lot in common what with having a disconnect with their bending, and both have that same anger against injustice! It doesn’t seem like Haru had many friends in his village after its occupation, and Katara didn’t have anyone around her age other than Sokka, so I think they deserve to be friends <3 They can practice bending together and Katara can braid Haru’s hair (one day).

Also Teo and The Duke! I think it’s sweet how they were a little group at the WAT, and it warms my heart to think of lonely, only child Haru basically getting two younger brothers. I reckon Teo would be doing soo many reckless stunts and pulling pranks, and The Duke being literally eight would only add to the chaos. They give him a grey hair <3

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

...Does he even have a popular hc? idk i’ll just say I don’t think he’s straight that boy is a fruit.

the position they sleep in

Pretty curled up, like a foetal position, hugging himself; reflecting how reserved and cautious he has to be, and also he’s touch starved and wants comfort. (and he gets it with Jet those two will always cuddle in bed okay)

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

Honestly, a stranger things AU knock around in my brain a lot. Having powers and needing to hide them but not knowing how to deal with them? yes please. Also because of List, I do be thinking of a Luca AU in regards to the whole having to hide who you are to keep yourself safe but wanting more out of life and also having a protective mother.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

well he only has two skdfldgds. but i like the one he wears in ‘Imprisoned’! It’s simple but cute. Also i refuse to acknowlegde him being in the ek army no thank you <3

[colethewolf]

So, apparently Derek and Stiles were supposed to be an actual couple before Davis pussied out and didn’t do it for...hetero reasons? So in essence, they kept writing them as a couple without being an actual couple and threw them together with women they had no chemistry with (Malia, Braeden in Lydia’s case no romantic chemistry) or forced it by paralleling the shit put of it to the point of creating clones (of Stiles and Derek) with vaginas (Paige and Jennifer, Slightly Malia and Cora respectively).

I don’t know why, it’s been so long since it’s been over but finding out that this is a legitimate thing apparently, I don’t know, I haven’t seen the sources but everybody is saying that apparently it came out that they were meant to be a couple before it was nixed, just makes me incredibly angry.

To be perfectly honest I wasn’t huge in this ship or shipping in general however I enjoyed sterek. My thing with Sterek was that I was excited by the fact that there were these two guys with chemistry that bickered and worked well together and respected one another and the best part they were not Hollywood stereotypical. I mean by Hollywood stereotypical is that they weren’t overly sexualized together, they were not overtly either too macho masculine or super feminine. They were strong, intelligent, flawed, messy but good men who respected and seemed to really love eachother without being paraded. The huge draw also and the biggest point was that there were these two side characters with chemistry where you saw it was going to happen and that was pretty exciting for a lot of people.

My brother got me into the show because he was so excited about it. When it didn’t happen he was bummed out, he was angry because of the baiting because he and many other people believed it, even I felt used and I’m not a part of the LGBTQ+ community, but even I assumed and hope that it would happen because at least one couple seemed to genuinely like and respect and care and love each other. It just didn’t happen. Just quasi-promises in the form of scenes were they were written as a couple without the romanticism, thrown into relationships with women they had no chemistry way, the type of non-chemistry that seemed as dry as the Sahara desert on both sides (Or in Hoechlin’s case a case of the weird crazy obsessive stalker pawing at him making the scenes with Derek and braeden that much more uncomfortable because even acting he was uncomfortable and she was drooling at the prospect of getting up on him.)

If I find the link with the actual sources I’ll send them to you in a message because I think it would be pretty interesting to read. I think it’s legit, I mean I assume that it was probably something that they were planning but I never thought that there would be a legitimate sources where they say yes this was supposed to happen but it did not because dumb reasons. And I think it’s real because I’m hearing it everywhere, I’m hearing it loudly, and the anger and the rage that I’m hearing it reminds me of when the ban began way back and the Sterek fandom was initiated betrayed by PTB and Davis after all of the legwork the Stereks did to make the show popular, viewed and honestly the reason it was profitable at all.

You’re probably not interested in hearing any of this but legitimately yours was the only blog that I could think of that would hear this and give a legitimate opinion because you’ve been vocal about it and in a wonderfully honest way with your thoughts. Like I said I’m not a part of the community, I am not someone who ships anything. But I did start to ship them because it seemed naturally written, the chemistry was electric, they worked well together, and anyone with eyes and the ability to hear and understand what they’re seeing could see that the writers wrote them as being very much in love with eachother.

I apologize about the length.



Yes, I’ve talked about this before. I’ve spoken to sources before about what happened and unfortunately there will always remain unknown pieces of information about it. I don’t think we’ll ever get a full picture and detailed timeline of genuine fact. 

But we can piece together the things that we saw and experience without knowing the full details about behind the scenes. For instance, Jeff Davis frequently acknowledged Sterek as a slash-ship. He admitted to intentionally writing Derek and Stiles scenes together and called them one of the greatest pairings in the show. He also frequently admitted to printing out Sterek fanart and posting them around the studio and writers room.  

We also know that he intentionally hinted at Stiles being bisexual. He admitted it. He also frequently baited at the prospect of Stiles and Derek possibly developing into a slow-build romantic relationship. We also know that Jeff was fully aware of the Sterek vs. Derek/Jennifer parallels as he, himself, hinted at them being intentionally set in place during season 3A.

Onto things that weren’t confirmed by Jeff Davis, it was obvious that Stiles/Malia and Derek/Braeden were attempts to no-homo the characters as it was not a coincidence that both characters (who had remained single for seasons 1-3B) decided to both get put into separate heterosexual relationships at the same time, whilst also being purposely kept apart in scenes filmed. 

The reality is that even if Jeff Davis wasn’t singlehandedly responsible for how Sterek was treated in the show, the fandom’s anger was directed at him. And it wasn’t directed solely at him just because. It was because Jeff, himself, frequently announced via. twitter & tumblr that he did NOT receive pushback from MTV executives. 

In fact, Jeff bragged about how the show was his show and that he was able to write whatever he wanted without higher-ups telling him no. It was Jeff who bragged about the show being progressive in terms of queer representation. Regardless of whether or not Jeff had 100% full control over the show and the stories, we don’t know. But Jeff set himself up as the main enemy on his own accord. 

I don’t think the fury Jeff received towards him would have been so strong had Jeff not been so cocky as to preach in the faces of the fans. He liked being the one in charge and then subsequently got pissy when fans turned against him and him alone. I think it was a big lesson learned. 

Personally, I think Sterek was the show. It brought so much status and power to the show, but when they tried so hard to remove every trace of Sterek, that’s when the show crashed and burned. It’s no coincidence that season 3B received 2+ million views per new episode, only for that viewership to immediately tank when Season 4 came around.....the season where Stiles/Malia and Derek/Braeden. And following that, the views only continued to drop harder and harder. 

Had Sterek gone canon, I think the show would have been regarded as a major game changer for television. Instead, I think shows like Shadowhunters, How To Get Away With Murder, & The Magicians really helped bring new standards for queer representation in television. Teen Wolf could have had that, but they fumbled their opportunity with messiness behind the scenes. 

That’s what I think about it. But if you do find those sources, I’d love to hear what they’re saying to see if they match up with anything we already know.