Imagine dating both Alucard and abridged Alucard
imagine it's just a normal day for the Hellsing Manor. You're doing your normal routine cleaning up the integra's off while She sits at her desk and does her paperwork.
Until Seras barges in, holding Two Alucard's. Your eyes widen and the broom falls from your hands. One had a huge grin on his face, while the other stands there with an irritated look.
"what. the. fuck" is all you can say. The one with the grin seems to smile more you. "ah! now who is this ravishing, little slut" He says, you knew right away he was not your Alucard. He's voice was slightly different and his language that of an immature teenager who just figured out he could curse.
Your Alucard, who seemed to not like the idea of his imposter calling you names, immediately pulls his pistols out. Tone harsh and cold "what did you call my Darling?" He growls. Seras quickly tries to defuse the situation while You and Integra stand there with shocked faces.
______
It took some time to get used to having two Alucard's. apparently, the imposter who you named Card, lost his Y/n before they could have a relationship. That made you slightly sympathetic for him. Alucard did NOT like having another him around, especially someone who was so foul mouthed to you. He slowly grew accustom to it.
Especially when it made you so happy to have two vampires swoon over you and pamper you with kisses early in the morning.
Not to mention the bedroom ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Alucard is soft and gentle, whereas card is brash and rough. You have the best of both worlds in the bedroom, and both are absolutely kings at aftercare. Theyll clean you up, make sure you're comfortable, making you a hot bath or whatever you need before cuddling you to sleep.
Conversation with Card is weird, his universe is very chaotic, not at all what you assumed from your own dimension.
"soo...you only turned seras for..."
"her big tits, yup ( ͡º ꒳ ͡º) "
You can only blink at him, wondering how exactly his mind works. Integra HATES having two vampires. when their together, Cards energy starts to interfere with Alucard's before their both being dipshits and fucking shit up.
It's like having Twin toddlers running amok the manor. Seras is constantly confused, she has no idea who's who until one of them is calling her things like 'sugar tits' or something provocative, then she threatens to call you and the two seem to immediately coward away.
Card is not one to go against your fury, even in his own universe before your death, you could scare the devil himself and it appears the same is in this universe.
_______
Sometimes, at night when Alucard is on a mission, you and card take night walks around the garden. He becomes...softer. Sadder. He talks about missing you in his world, how he should have told you how he felt before your death. You only frown, holding his hand in your own..
You know he'll have to return to his own world soon, and that breaks you. because you've grown so used to your banter with him and Alucard. None the less, you enjoy your time with him the best you can.
Alucard won't admit it, but he enjoys having another version of him around. He and card actually fucked Infront of you before, for your enjoyment of course, but that stays in the bedroom.
Alucard enjoys having someone who can match his strength and his power.
When the day comes to say goodbye to card, you're trying not to cry, handing him a small bracelet with yours and Alucard's name on it. Card scoffs and says his not a child, but you don't miss the way his eyes turn glossy and how he tucks the gift into his coat.
Your two vampires shake hands, staring into each other eyes almost talking to each other telepathically. Afterwards, Card gets down on one knee, cupping your face and gently kissing you goodbye, gently wiping your tears as he does so.
"I will not forget the love you have given me, i know if My Y/n were to still be living. She would be Just like you" he says, and for the first time...he's serious. no jokes, jabs or provocative language.
You can only smile as Alucard tugs you back to his hip, smiling. "it was a pleasure to get to know you..." he rumbles out to his counterpart as he leaves through the wormhole, his grin the last thing you see before it closes and it's just you and Alucard standing in the night..
______
you slowly learn to move on from having Card in your life, everything of his you owned being boxed up and hidden away into the back shelf of the closet. Both you and Alucard sometimes sit in the garden at night, wondering how Card is doing and if he's safe, his time with you affected the way you both feel. Alucard misses his brash behavior and the way it would turn his master red. But he also misses how happy he saw you with having him around.
Soon, it becomes a distant memory you both share, especially once Alucard turns you, as time goes on. You learn to hold his memory close and continue your lives together...
A/: aint gonna lie, i started crying writing this
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" 𝓞𝓱… 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀… "
Indie, Canon Divergent Portrayal of Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate, taking on the persona of the Abridged Series.
Mun is 18+
Tags -> X
Dark and Sexual Themes/Humor Present
Multiverse & Crossover Friendly
Will not interact with those under 18
Follows back from @/divinityunleashed
Tracking abridgedvampire
Permanent Starter Call -> X
" 𝓐 𝓡𝓔𝓐𝓛 𝓕𝓾𝓬𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓥𝓪𝓶𝓹𝓲𝓻𝓮. "
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FuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUCK I love hellsing so much
I love Alucard and his frankly RIDICULOUS emotional complexity given his role in the stpry
I love Seras and how fucking STUPID she is
I love Pip and how STUPID he is and how his stupidity perfectly compliments Seras'
I love Anderson and Alucard's parallelisms and how well they're both written
I love Integra as a BADASS bitch and a complex ass character who has too much shit on her shoulders
I love ALL OF THEM SO FUCKING MUCH
I love having such a weird special interest
"Heheh yeah I read about vampires who fight nazi vampires"
I loveeeeeeeeeeee hellsing
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Hello, I was wondering if I could have headcanons of hellsing Alucard and abridge alucards reactions to an s/o who kinda goes along with ‘dating’ them because the s/o thinks they’ll get bored of them eventually. Thank you
The two of them will pick up on your "go with the flow" behavior quite quickly, or at least the more well behaved Alucard pointed it out and the lunatic of the relationship slowly followed suit on figuring out why you seem to put so much more energy in other things than with them
To be clear Alucards plan was never to straight up ask you, he's been hidden in the shadows of the Hellsing manor simply observing you, seeing how your actions towards others varies from the two vampire kings that are on your ass constantly. Of course when Abridged Alucard figures out the variation of him suspects anything he immediately ruins whatever progress was made via stealth and corners you
Whether you do admit that this "relationship" with them is all a matter of time to you or not the Crimson Fucker is the first to laugh at you, in your face with no remorse. Thankfully the other Alucard can hold himself together a bit better though you swear his sinister smile seems much wider than before. Needless to say they're quick to correct you, as if they'd ever grow bored of their little bunny, and expect to see your old indifferent behavior in your time with them change very soon. You're the beloved of two monstrous maniacs, don't think you can simply slip under their radar.
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Incorrect shit i think Hellsing characters (and reader) would say cause mamas bored
Alucard: *holds a gun out to Reader*
Reader: I-I don't believe in guns.
Alucard: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.
______
Reader: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...
Alucard: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.
______
Reader: I’m doing what I can to jog your memory.
Seras: It’s jogging, I guess. Its tiddies are jiggling a little.
Reader: Nice.
______
Reader: Go fuck yourself.
Alucard, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch
Reader: GET OUT!
______
Reader: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free Blood packets.
Alucard: Marry me.
______
Integra: We'll talk about this later.
Alucard: Fine, I won’t be listening.
______
Reader: *about Seras and Integra* They make a cute couple, huh?
Alucard: They certainly are standing next to each other.
______
Integra: Seras, you'll be working with Reader and Alucard.
Seras: Alright! My fantasy threesome!
Everyone else: *blank stares*
Seras: ...Of people on a team.
______
Reader: Bad news—Seras locked herself outta the manor
Reader: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.
Reader: Bad news—Integra finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies.
Reader: Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it.
Reader: Bad news—it was Alucard, and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know.
______
Alucard: Reader! I can't do this stupid math!
Reader: What’s the math problem?
Alucard: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply.
Integra covering Seras' ears, while Reader smacks Alucard upside the head: Not going to lie that was hella smooth.
______
Alucard: We have a problem.
Reader: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.
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