#absolutely not sorry for the softest content ever

[lisired]

wish i never

pairing: Jaehyun x (f) reader

genre/warnings: smut, angst, debatable morals, unprotected sex, brother’s worst enemy, forbidden love, mark’s dad is a cop for the sake of plot, mentions of drugs and drug-related death

summary: Your brother, Johnny, hates Jaehyun and has never told you why. Although you intend on leaving it alone, unforeseen events thrust you into a forbidden love affair with Jaehyun. In between hookups and stolen kisses, you have to bury your feelings for Jaehyun around your overprotective older brother.

word count: 27.2k (listen… i don’t know anymore okay)

a/n: this one lowkey kinda hit different for me cause i’ve had a forbidden love and it broke me. you can kinda tell by how long this is lol ya girl went all OUT. as always, feedback is appreciated!

“Absolutely not.”

“Dude, come on,” Mark whined. 

“Hell the fuck no,” Yuta barked firmly, crossing his arms. “The last time we gave you shrooms, you texted Johnny to ask him where your phone was.”

“And?”

“You texted him from your own phone,” Yuta deadpanned. 

You snickered. Your best friend and drugs were an infamously egregious combination. Mark Lee sober was already full of shit, but Mark Lee high on whatever substance he could get his hands on? Indescribably bad. You couldn’t think of a word to even explain it.

Mark gestured over to you. “But you gave her drugs.”

Yuta grimaced. “First of all, don’t say that too loud. Johnny will kill me. Second of all, she can actually handle her shit and what can I say? She's a loyal customer.”

You added, “Plus I’m not doing fucking shrooms. Yuta just deals me weed. If Johnny ever found out I was doing anything else, he would have a fit.”

Mark huffed something under his breath about how shrooms were the softest of soft drugs there were, not that it would’ve helped his case. 

Your lips curled into a grin as you joked, “Why don’t you just chug Jeno’s notorious punch and call it a night? That’s what I’m gonna do.” 

“I’ve actually got plans with a chick who’s been dying to chug my notorious punch. I’ll be back later. Save me a drink, dude,” Mark said, grinning from ear to ear at a text message on his screen. Probably from the aforementioned chick that was begging to blow him, or so he said. 

You pretended to wince, but gave him a high five in celebration. “Aye, aye, captain,” you chirped, saluting him. 

After Mark made a break for the stairs, you abandoned Yuta to make a beeline for the drink bar. There was no such thing as a party with some of your boys without drugs and alcohol. Your brother was an overprotective nuisance, but even he knew it was impossible to keep you away from your shots and the occasional marijuana.

Plus it would've been hypocritical as all hell, so he let it slide. Not that you wanted to press your luck with something harder. On some nights you were a little drunk and a little high, and it brought out the worst in you. You were certain all of Johnny's friends kept blackmail worthy videos of you doing the unspeakable and you were content with never knowing what all those fuckers had on you. The embarrassment would be enough to kill.

You clocked one girl dry-heaving in the corner on the way and it was all the discouragement required to make you reach for a can of beer instead. To your surprise, it seemed like somebody had a similar plan, their hand coincidentally dropping on the same one. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. You can have it…," you trailed, glancing up to make eye contact with nobody less than the devil incarnate.

Ricky looked surprised to see you, though you weren’t sure why. If Jeno was throwing a party, you were bound to be in attendance. “What up, baby? Long time no see.”

“Ricky, you lost the right to call me that the second I caught you with your pants to your ankles in a closet with what's-her-face.”

More importantly, you were frankly surprised to see him there. Your stupid ex was many things, none good, and his audacity? It was out of control. Part of you wanted to commend him, because it took guts to show his face around your side of town after you yanked his trousers down in front of everyone and their mother. 

And yet he took that retort in stride. “Baby, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry? It was a mistake and I’ll never make it again.”

“You’re absolutely right,” you replied, bobbing your head in agreement. “You’re a sorry motherfucker and you’ll never make it again, because we’re done for good.”

But Ricky just couldn’t take the hint that you were so fucking over anything that had to do with him and crept closer, continuing darkly, “Don’t you know you’re nothing without me? Nothing!”

Having surrounded yourself with enough drunk and high people countless times, it was obvious that Ricky was under the influence, which made him extremely capricious. He looked a grand total of two seconds away from reaching out and seizing you by your arm. 

Your eyes darted across the room for anybody you knew, but it was difficult when dancing bodies obscured them from your field of view. Yuta had probably wandered to snag more drug deals, Mark was getting his dick wet, and Johnny and Taeyong were nowhere to be found. 

You were about to resign yourself to the fact that you were positively out of luck until you heard a deep baritone ask from beside you, “Do we have a problem over here?”

It took all of two seconds to recognize its owner. Jeong Jaehyun, sang the little chorus in your head. Your brother’s worst enemy. The beef seemed more than a little one-sided, but you didn’t ask questions. For whatever reason, the mere mention of Jaehyun’s name made your brother tense. 

It was clear that Ricky was sizing Jaehyun up and he snapped with potent venom, “Who the fuck are you?”

“The host’s cousin,” Jaehyun said, looking tall and foreboding, as if he was daring somebody to challenge him. “And you are?”

“The love of her life.”

You didn’t know how he could confidently lie like that, though you wouldn’t be surprised if he wholeheartedly believed it, which was downright terrifying. You learned the hard way that this boy was as self-centered as they came. 

Jaehyun took one look at you, and the glaringly obvious discomfort on your face, and replied, "Yeah, I don't think she wants to be around you. If I were you, I'd get the fuck out of here and never come back."

Ricky chuckled. "And if I don't?"

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Fuck around and find out," was all he said. His lips were drawn into a line and his gaze was fixed to your ex's idiotic face with a lethal stare. Not to mention Jaehyun had a couple of inches on him, which made you resist a satisfied little grin.

Obviously, Ricky wanted to stay and claim you as his pretty property, but even the lack of inhibitions didn’t hinder his judgment at that moment. Like any wise person would, he made a beeline for the closest exit. It was common sense that Jeno and his associates were not to be fucked with. 

Your shoulders relaxed when Ricky was gone. If anything, he had gotten off easy. He was lucky that you had no clue where Johnny was. You were positive he would’ve knocked the sense out of him, if he had any, which was debatable. 

“Insufferable prick,” you grumbled under your breath. Then, you glanced up to Jaehyun, who, to your surprise, was already looking at you. “Thanks, Jaehyun. I don’t know what he would’ve done if you weren’t here.”

Jaehyun still looked a little pissed, but your words seemed to make him soften. “You don’t have to thank me for that. It’s basic human decency.”

“And some people don’t even have that,” you replied, intending for it to be a joke, but it came out a little more melancholy. 

If Jaehyun noticed, he said nothing about it.

Before he could even if he wanted to, something stitched your brows together and you mentioned, “Hey, I didn’t know Jeno was your cousin.”

“Me, neither.”

It took a second for that to settle in, but once you finally understood, amusement broke the confusion tensing your face and your lips parted in laughter. Jaehyun joined you. His bold-faced little white lie saved your ass, but ironically, that wasn’t what you were focused on. 

It was those deep, adorable dimples on both of his cheeks that somehow made him even more handsome. 

Instantly, something in you chided, Bitch, don’t check him out. He’s your brother’s worst enemy. You’re out of your goddamn mind if you think you’re getting laid tonight just because he’s playing nice.

“I should go,” you said after a minute, finally grabbing a beer. “Thanks again. I really appreciate it.”

You escaped before Jaehyun could tell you not to thank him. His eyes were fixed to your back, following you until you were obscured completely by partygoers. He knew you were Johnny’s sister, but damn, you were kinda cute. 

At least for now, Jaehyun wouldn’t play with fire. Johnny almost kicked his ass one time and he wasn’t exactly keen on getting his ass handed to him. 

You were half tempted to stop by Jeno’s room to check if any of the guys were passing a blunt around in there, but the last time your curiosity got the better of you, you accidentally walked in on Jeno shirtless with some half-naked girl. Not a sight you wanted to relive, so you kept downstairs. 

Your eyes scanned the living room for any familiar faces, but it was difficult to tell if anybody was there. There was a gigantic crowd dancing to Kiss Me Thru The Phone and you chuckled at a certain memory of Mark drunk-singing along to the lyrics. 

“There you are,” came a familiar voice beside you. Your gaze flitted to Johnny, whose face was stitched with concern. “Taeyong told me that he saw you with Jaehyun. You good?”

“I’m fine,” you hollered over the music. “Just heartbroken that Mark abandoned me to get laid.”

Any other time, Johnny would’ve laughed, but his lips were pressed into a solid line. “Have you had anything?”

You rolled your eyes and exhaled a breath. “Just the beer in my hand, Johnny.”

He studied your face, as if he was attempting to figure out whether or not you were telling the truth, but ultimately decided to believe you. “Listen, I just wanna look out for you. You’re my little sister. If anything were to happen to you...”

“Mom and Dad would kill you and dump your body in the woods for bears to find. Yes, I know,” you groaned exasperatedly, cutting him off. “I get it, Johnny. But I need you to get that I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“If you were a little girl, you wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t give you weed.”

That comment wasn’t even worth a roll of your eyes. You took a sip of beer and ignored it. 

“Why were you around Jaehyun anyways?” Johnny asked. It was obviously the question he was itching to ask. Probably wanted to make sure Jaehyun wasn’t making any advances. 

The memory of your bastard ex getting uncomfortably close to you after reaching for a drink he clearly didn’t need, raising his voice at you in a way no woman should ever accept, made you shudder. “Ricky decided to try and win me back. If you can even call it that.”

Johnny immediately perked up in anger. “What?”

“Relax. Jaehyun already took care of him. That’s why he was there. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“I swear to god, I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch,” Johnny hissed, looking a total of five seconds away from giving someone a piece of his mind. 

“Ricky, or Jaehyun?”

“Does it matter?”

You shrugged. Your lips parted to ask why he hated Jaehyun in the first place, but you cut yourself off. There was a reason why you didn’t ask him months ago. Johnny might’ve been overprotective, but that was because he was your brother and he loved you. When he was ready, he would tell you. 

The night dragged on. This one was a little more boring than usual, but that could’ve been chalked up to you still being shaken up about your encounter with your ex. You almost considered what would’ve happened had Jaehyun not been around to intervene, but your mind dared not wander there. 

Part of you wanted to know where he was camping out at. Surely, he had to be around here somewhere, but you weren’t going to look. Especially not with Johnny on high alert. He was being extra careful, wanting to be there in case your ex was crazy enough to return.

You listed what you knew about Jeong Jaehyun. For one, he was fine as hell. That was undeniable. Secondly, he was lowkey, which was why you essentially knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous. 

Sure, he made an appearance at these parties every now and then, but most of the time he kept to a tight-knit circle of friends and if they weren’t there, there was no way in hell he was coming. Sometimes his roommates’ threw parties at their house, but he rarely went downstairs, preferring to linger in his room doing fuck knows what. 

You honestly couldn’t blame him. People sucked. Most of them, anyways. 

Only one day later, you were gripping an overlook, peering down at little critters splashing in the lake from the bridge above. For a long time, there was nobody there to join you other than your little nonhuman friends. You liked coming here every now and then to clear your head. It was your safe place, your happy place. 

The sky was cloudy but there was only a nine percent chance of rain this afternoon, thus you weren’t too worried. You needed to go somewhere. Home was too isolating, but everywhere else was too open. 

You could be happy here. There were no entitled assholes or overprotective brothers around to get on your nerves every five seconds. It was only you and the gifts of nature. 

And somebody else. 

“I thought that was you,” said somebody from your side. 

Imagine your shock when you turned and saw Jeong Jaehyun jogging towards you. In the fucking flesh. 

It was harder not to check him out this time. The man was practically drenched head to toe in sweat, his very exposed skin glistening with moisture. The shirt he was wearing hugged his chest and it was all you could do not to salivate. 

Rather than continue to rake your eyes up his frame, you asked playfully, “Are you stalking me, Jeong Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes twinkled with mirth. God, how come you never noticed how pretty and brown they were? “Actually, I’m surprised. I was cutting through here instead of my usual jog route. The weather looked pretty bad.”

You snickered, crossing your arms. “You didn’t check the forecast before you left the house? It’s not gonna rain. Probably.”

Jaehyun furrowed a brow. “Probably?”

“That guy on the news is an infamous liar,” you grumbled under your breath. 

Jaehyun chuckled. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, coming closer to the railing where you were, but kept a safe distance between your bodies lest he made you uncomfortable. “I told you why I’m here. What about you?”

Your nose got an instant waft of Jaehyun’s scent and it was godly, which was shocking considering he was literally sweating everywhere. “Oh, you know. I come here from time to time to think, or to not think. Depending on what the situation calls for.”

“Really?”

You bobbed your head. “Yeah. Why?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “Nothing,” was what he said, but in reality, he was thinking about how he passed this bridge nearly every goddamn day and never knew if he took a detour, he’d potentially cross paths with a pretty little thing like you. 

You lifted a brow, but didn’t press. 

“Are you… okay?” Jaehyun reluctantly asked. 

You bobbed your head. “Yup, I’m alright. It’s just that Ricky approaching me has Johnny on edge, so now whenever I go out he and his friends are watching me like a bunch of hawks.” 

Jaehyun winced. “Damn. That must suck.”

“I get he’s doing it from a place of love, but fuck, sometimes I just wanna be left the hell alone, you know?”

Jaehyun nodded. God, did he know. And not only because he was an overwhelmingly introverted dude. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

That caught your attention. “You do?”

Jaehyun scratched the back of his head. “I mean, I don’t have an overprotective brother, but I do have an overprotective mother. It’s sweet and all, but do you know what it makes you look like when you’re on a date with a girl and your mom won’t stop calling you?”

Your lips couldn’t help but curl into a grin. “Aw, you’re a Momma’s boy.”

“This is exactly what I mean,” Jaehyun groaned. 

“No, it’s… cute,” you said, but it was impossible to control the giggles falling from your lips. “Most of the guys I know like that are sweethearts. Johnny, Mark. Maybe you.”

Jaehyun found that amusing. “You think I’m a sweetheart?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know you well enough to decide, but seemingly, sure.”

“Do you want to?”

“Do I want to what?”

“Know me better,” Jaehyun said, tentative. Almost as if he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

That was the million dollar question. On the one hand, Jaehyun was cute and it most likely wouldn’t hurt to spend a little time together, but on the other, there was the Johnny thing. You groaned. “God, Johnny would have a heart attack if he knew I was with you right now. Maybe even an aneurysm.”

Jaehyun snickered with mischief. “Who said that he has to know?”

That response downright shocked you. You weren’t expecting it from somebody like him, though then again, you knew virtually nothing about this boy and it only made you want to sate your curiosity. “Ooh. You’re trouble, Jeong Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun took that in stride. “I’m guessing you like that.”

Taking a step closer, you started to close the gap between you that Jaehyun had created for your sake. “Hm, you know what they say.”

“I don’t think I do.” 

“It’s always the quiet ones that deal the most damage,” you whispered sultrily, glancing into his gentle brown eyes. 

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered. That caught him off-guard.

Then, you backed away and waved him goodbye. “I’ve gotta go. Later, Dimples.”

Dimples? That was new. Jaehyun was pleasantly surprised by the nickname and he was so stunned that it distracted him from his train of thoughts. 

It was only when you were long gone that he realized that you never answered his question. 

You needed time to think, to decide if Jaehyun was worth potentially losing your brother’s trust. You didn’t know why he hated him, but his less than enthusiastic reactions to him said more than enough. Jaehyun was cute, but you could easily find another cute guy whose bones your brother didn’t mention crushing.

But damn, you were curious. And curiosity killed the cat. You knew one thing, though. You were starting to like Jeong Jaehyun. 

You shook your head, ashamed of yourself. This is really what’s it’s come to, huh?

Jaehyun thought about that exchange on the bridge every now and then for the next couple of days and chastised himself for even making moves on you of all people. She’s his baby sister, you asshole. She’s off-limits. 

Not that it would really stop him, if you let him have you. 

It wasn’t like Johnny had to know. Jaehyun could keep a secret and he assumed that you had a handful of your own. People with strict upbringings tended to have a lot of practice with being sneaky and your situation was close enough. 

He sat on his bed and heaved a breath, playing with a lighter. 

Meanwhile, you were with your boys, listening to them chatter about disgusting boy things but lowkey too curious to abandon your spot on the sofa that was too comfortable for its own good. Nobody liked sleeping on sofas, but you swore you wouldn’t mind on this one. Plus sometimes you’d gotten drunk here enough where you almost dozed off. 

You made a gagging noise when Mark started to talk about his nth blowjob of the week. You weren’t counting, but he definitely was. 

“Your dick probably has so much chlamydia that it’ll mutate into a different variant like Covid,” Haechan teased. 

You grimaced, but you definitely agreed. 

“You’re one to talk,” Mark snapped. 

Haechan nodded, grinning proudly. “Of course, I am. I always wear condoms and get tested regularly. I’m clean as a whistle.”

You shook your head in amusement. “I’ve never understood the saying ‘clean as a whistle.’ Like aren’t whistles actually contaminated from being in someone’s mouth? Now, when you combine that logic with your dick…”

Jeno burst into laughter. Yuta obviously found it funny from the smile on his face and Mark would never miss a chance to laugh at his friend’s expense. 

Haechan dramatically rolled his eyes. “And what about you, little miss? How often do you get laid?”

“Definitely not as often as you guys,” you replied, coming to a stand. Not that you wanted to kiss the sofa goodbye. “I’ll be right back. I’ve gotta tinkle.”

Mark’s nose wrinkled. “You didn’t think that was too much information?”

You almost threw the remote at your best friend, but spared him. There was no way this dude was talking about too much information when he was literally giving you all a play-by-play of his sex life. 

“If it burns when you pee, Mark gave you the airborne strand of chlamydia,” Yuta joked dryly. 

You left too quickly to see Mark attempt to murder Yuta and it was a shame that you had to miss it. There was no doubt that Haechan would exaggerate the moment to make you regret not being there, but right now, you were concentrated on finding the bathroom. 

And of course, it was when you finally made it upstairs through the groups of bodies that you realized you didn’t know where it was. 

You groaned, cursing yourself for being so forgetful. You’d only been here a couple of times and never long enough to use the fucking bathroom, apparently. And you really couldn’t fucking hold it. 

You glanced around the set of doors upstairs, incapable of keeping still. Thank god nobody was here except for you. If I was a bathroom, which door would I be behind?

You set eyes on a random door and said, “Fuck it.” You marched right up to it and knocked none too gently, seeping with impatience. 

To your surprise, it was Jaehyun that opened the door, a pair of headphones slung around his neck. And behind him was a bed, not a toilet. 

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered with shock and he said your name. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, I was kinda looking for the bathroom. I’m guessing this isn’t it,” you said with a little humor, which was remarkable, all things considered. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here, baby.”

“Oh.” You knew that, so the fact that it slipped your mind meant that you definitely weren’t yourself when you had to pee. 

Jaehyun had the audacity to laugh. He opened his door a little wider. “You can use mine. It’s that door over there.”

“Thank you,” you said in relief, immediately darting for the bathroom. 

You were even more relieved by the time you washed your hands and walked back into his bedroom, no longer fighting to keep still. Jaehyun was sitting on his bed where his headphones were now cast aside. God, how loud did you have to be knocking for him to hear you over those?

“You sure were in a hurry,” Jaehyun teased. 

You rolled your eyes, but a little laugh fell from your lips. You wholeheartedly blamed Jeno and his damn poisonous drinks. Sighing in relief, you glanced around Jaehyun’s room. For a boy, he was exceptionally tidy. He had vinyls organized on a shelf. “No girls in here, I see.”

Jaehyun didn’t know whether to be offended by that or not. “What do you think I am, a pimp?”

You snickered. “Nah. I’m just traumatized. Sue me.”

Jaehyun knew better than to ask questions that he didn’t want to know the answers to, so he left it alone. “You never answered my question the other day.”

“What question?” you asked. Obviously, you were playing dumb. You needed every second to think about what your response would be, although you’d had the past forty-eight hours and then some to contemplate. 

Your damn brother was the only thing that stood between you and Jaehyun. 

Johnny wasn’t around this time for obvious reasons. There was no way in hell that he’d step foot in the house of his mortal enemy. He didn’t want you to be there either, but you assured him that you’d steer clear of all things Jeong Jaehyun. 

And it wasn’t as if you had deliberately lied. It (kind of) wasn’t your fault that you didn’t know where the bathroom was. 

“If you wanted to get to know me better.”

You stepped over to his bed, sitting beside him and sighing. “Jaehyun, you know my brother won’t approve.”

“I guess that’s a ‘no’ then,” Jaehyun muttered. 

Your eyes glanced at his handsome face, then his beautiful, twinkling brown eyes, and finally his soft pink lips. And when they flitted so low, there was no looking back. You leaned in and pressed your lips to Jaehyun’s, waiting for him to kiss back, and when he did without hesitation your heart soared. 

His hands flew to your back, eyes fluttering closed. God, he tasted as good as he smelled, and it was more than a little arousing. You made him fall against his mattress, straddling his hips and kissing him even deeper.

The change was welcome. His heart was racing just from locking lips with you and it took him to the sky. He grabbed a hold of your hips, which fit snugly in his palms, and listened to the soft sighs that slipped from your mouth in between the kisses. 

Mark was probably downstairs wondering, Damn, bitch, how long does it take to piss?

You pulled back when a certain groan of his turned you on a little too much to be safe. Jaehyun was secretly disappointed, but he didn’t complain, taking time to catch his breath. “Is that a maybe?”

You giggled and shook your head. “It’s a yes.”

Jaehyun sat up and grinned. He knew what he was getting himself into, but he didn’t care. There was something about you that made him defy gravity. 

Still straddling his hips, you threaded your fingers through his hair and leaned in to whisper into his ears, “We’re playing with fire.”

“Ironically, I thought the same thing,” Jaehyun deadpanned. 

You chuckled. Well, if you didn’t care, and he didn’t care, nothing more needed to be said. You were really doing this. 

Jaehyun realized that he already really liked holding you. You were warm and soft to the touch, and you fit perfectly in his arms. “Have you been drinking?”

“Nope.”

“Did you do any drugs?”

“Not even a little,” you said, raising a brow at the question. Much to your chagrin, it reminded you of your brother’s incessant worry. “Why?”

Jaehyun said without hesitation, “Because I’ve got weed.”

That was exciting. No wonder Jaehyun never came downstairs during his roommates’ parties. The real party was in his bedroom. “Geez, Dimples. What are you waiting for?”

Jaehyun laughed at your enthusiasm and grabbed his lighter off his nightstand. You were flattered when he let you roll and even more when he praised your technique, which took years to develop. Thank god for your experienced friends. 

The high had you hyper aware of everything. Jaehyun’s whole room smelled like him, to no surprise. As he said, he lived there, fuck’s sake. But it was pleasant and you were honestly forgetting that you even promised to return downstairs.

The guilt and pressure of keeping secrets from Johnny was heavy on your back a few moments ago, but after the marijuana settled in, you relaxed into Jaehyun’s side. He didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was the tree getting to his brain, but his hands got a little bolder, too. 

And it also only enhanced your curiosity. “Do you do this often, Jaehyun?”

“You mean invite girls into my room to talk and smoke?”

“Yeah.”

Jaehyun took a drag and exhaled into the thick air of his room. “Eh, not really. I’ve had girls in my room before, obviously, but it never really lasts.”

You weren’t surprised. Any girl could see that Jaehyun was handsome as all fucking hell and you didn’t expect him to be a total sexless loser. Matter of fact, if he told you that he was a virgin, you doubted that you’d even believe it. 

“Maybe you haven’t met the right girl then,” you suggested coyly. 

Jaehyun chuckled. “Maybe.”

It was way too soon to ask if he thought you were the right girl, so instead you settled for asking where his interests lay. “What exactly are you looking for?”

Jaehyun knew the answer to that question in perfect detail because he’d thought about it countless times, being his typical hopeless romantic self. This was a boy that dreamed of finding his miss right before he went to bed. He was a simple guy. He wanted picket fences and kids. Perhaps a puppy. 

But maybe it wasn’t all too simple. Jaehyun wasn’t searching for a housewife. He wanted someone to go to random old shops with and look at vintage items together. He wanted someone that didn’t draw a lot of attention, but liked to go outside and explore. Money be damned. Thanks to his mother, he had ample cash, but no one to spend it on. 

Jaehyun hummed, pretending to think about his answer. “Guess.”

You threw him a look. “Are you serious?”

Jaehyun bobbed his head eagerly, lips curling into a mischievous little grin. “I’ll tell you, but I want you to guess first.” 

You sighed and glanced around his bedroom for clues, and fortunately enough, there were plenty. “Vinyls from the nineties. You’re an old soul and you want someone who fits your vibe. You smell like expensive cologne, so maybe you want someone to wine and dine, but you definitely want to be comfortable.”

Jaehyun said nothing, but you could tell that he was listening. 

You looked at the pictures of him and an older woman framed on his nightstand and continued, “You want the type of girl you can take home to your mother. And your mother wants the absolute best for her son, so she raised you to have high standards.”

“You’re good at this,” Jaehyun muttered. 

“I’m nowhere close to being finished,” you said, grinning from ear to ear. “Judging from the souvenirs on your shelf, you like going to different places, so you want someone curious and adventurous in nature. Appreciative and respectful of different peoples' cultures.”

Jaehyun was only smiling at this point. It was kind of funny and spooky being read like this. 

“You’ve searched for love and haven’t found something that feels right, so now you keep girls around for a good time, not a long one. And you love a damsel in distress, I think,” you said, concluding your investigation. 

“Wow,” was all Jaehyun said. 

Though you already knew the answer, you pressed your lips into a smile and asked, “Am I warm?”

“You’re on fire,” he replied, wondering how in the hell you got all that just from looking at his bedroom. “But how did you know?”

“That you love a damsel in distress?”

“That I’ve looked for love and gave up on it.”

You almost rolled your eyes. You couldn’t believe he was seriously asking that question. “No offense, but you scream hopeless romantic. Plus you’re hot. You know your worth and what you want and I doubt it’s meaningless sex.”

Jaehyun had this melancholy look on his face for the briefest of seconds, but it disappeared so quickly you could’ve imagined it being there. 

“I don’t think you gave up, I think you took a little pause. You know she’s out there, and when the time’s right, you’ll know.” Then, you abandoned the sadness and quipped, “But you’re also a guy, and guys want sex.”

Jaehyun chuckled, but you had somehow penetrated his mind. You had part of him figured out and he didn’t know what to do with that. It was too soon to get too deep. 

You exhaled contentedly, but the marijuana had you thinking. You could’ve been wrong about Jaehyun. You had definitely been wrong before. 

There was this tension in the room now that neither of you were equipped to handle. As standard when he was fooling around with a girl, there was a piece of him that wondered if it could be the real thing this time, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. 

It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

Jaehyun gave you back the blunt. “What about you - what are you looking for?”

“Who said I was looking?” you asked with obvious amusement. 

That shattered Jaehyun’s former thoughts of possibly wifing you up one day. Of course you didn’t intend on dating the dude your brother hated. It would’ve been a very unconventional relationship. You could keep him around for fun, but it would have to end sooner or later. 

So Jaehyun contentedly resigned himself to the fact that you would pass, just like all the other girls he brought up to his room, and decided he was fine with that. Maybe he had high standards, but you’d forgotten to mention the part that they came with moderate hopes and low expectations.

That way getting hurt was borderline impossible. 

Then, Jaehyun started to grin like an idiot and reminded, “You said that you think I’m hot.”

“I literally said that ten hundred hours ago,” you groaned, exhaling a puff of smoke into the air. 

You cried out in shock when he grabbed your hips and pulled you back onto him again, but instinctively leaned into his shoulder. Jaehyun was (usually) humble, but anyone who thought he didn’t know he was hot was a fool. “Am I hot enough to kiss?”

Your lips tugged into a smile, and rather than directly answer his question, you went in for a kiss, holding the blunt away from his face so that he wouldn’t get burned. Jaehyun effortlessly matched your rhythm and it was dumbfounding how he could be so excellent of a kisser. 

You spent the better half of the night passing a blunt back and forth with Jaehyun, kissing and talking in between (featuring some inappropriate touches). Jaehyun was so fucking easy to talk to, the topics were boundless. Neither of you opened up much outside of your relationship goals and lack thereof, but you still got to know each other a little better. 

Jaehyun loved music from r&b to jazz to soul, though you could’ve guessed how passionate he was after one look at his vinyl collection. He was flirty sometimes, but soft-spoken and very gentleman-like and he never once proposed for the two of you to have sex. Plus he was a bit of a goofball. 

To say nothing of the fact that he could play the guitar. You didn’t know why, but that somehow made him even more delightful. 

It was pleasant to be in the presence of a guy that was simultaneously attractive and respectful.

Because it was far too late for you to drive yourself home when you finally started to get sleepy, he let you steal his bed and slept in the room of one of his roommate’s that was never home, according to Jaehyun. 

Jungkook was what he said his name was. Apparently he basically lived full-time in his girlfriend’s apartment and Jaehyun didn’t know why he still paid rent, but he didn’t complain. It was going to be a sad day for his bank account when Jungkook finally moved out. 

And that left Yugyeom. He was the one that threw all of the parties. You asked Jaehyun last night why he rarely came downstairs during those parties and his response was, “I don’t like the attention.”

Morning had come loudly as ever. Birds chirped outside, singing sweetly. You stretched your arms above your head and yawned, unable to ignore the dark curtains that effectively kept the sunlight out. 

The first thing you did was let a little light in. And the second thing was remember how you spent last night, memories of marijuana and laughter, and flirtatious behavior hitting you all at once. It seemed that Jeong Jaehyun was a promise of fun. 

Grabbing your phone, you headed down the stairs and breathed a little in relief when you saw Jaehyun already awake, waiting by the toaster. “Good morning, Dimples.”

Jaehyun turned when he heard your voice and the smile that spread across his lips was instantaneous. “Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?”

“I should’ve known that your bed would be as cool and collected as you are,” you quipped, rubbing your arms. It was colder without Jaehyun’s blankets to help strengthen the temperature. 

Jaehyun shook with mirth and it was a sight you wanted to see more often. 

“I could’ve slept on the sofa,” you said without complaint. “The party was over by the time we called it a night and it’s the most comfortable sofa I’ve ever put my butt on.”

“It goes against everything I believe in to let you sleep on a couch when there’s a perfectly functional bed upstairs.”

“Aw, what a gentleman,” you replied, coming to stand at his side. “I drew the curtains in your room open, by the way. I don’t know how you live like a damn vampire.”

“What’s wrong with living like a vampire? Vampires are cool.”

“I don’t think Vampires need Vitamin D. Humans do,” you retorted, arms crossed. 

Jaehyun’s lips curved into a stupid little smile that reeked of mischief and you instantly knew where his thoughts were before he even said anything. 

You rolled your eyes at his silliness and told him, “Whatever you’re about to say - don’t.”

Bagels popped out of the toaster and the sight of food made Jaehyun forget about his previous shenanigans. He set both bagels on individual plates that already had food and said, “I made you something. It’s not much because I’ve gotta go soon, but I didn’t want you to be hungry.”

“Thank you,” you said with gratitude, accepting the plate he handed to you. Plate in hand, you went to sit at the table, watching Jaehyun bring cups over. 

“You’re welcome,” Jaehyun told you gently. “Next time I’ll make you a real full-course meal as a treat.”

You gawked. “You can cook?”

“A little bit, yeah. Why?”

“You just got so much hotter,” you breathed.

Jaehyun grinned. 

The time you spent together that morning was a duplicate of the night before except there were only the lingering overnight highs instead of the fresh ones. You were sad that you had to leave, but Jaehyun had to work and you needed to go home. 

Sitting in your car, you checked your phone for the first time in hours. There had to be a thousand missed calls and unanswered messages from your friends and Johnny. Though it wasn’t unusual for your phone to be on Do Not Disturb, it was definitely strange to not at least tell your loved ones that you were very much still alive. 

You were just so hooked on Jaehyun that it completely slipped your mind to check your phone. There wasn’t a dull moment upstairs in his bedroom and even when it was silent you were comforted by the sound of a vinyl playing quietly on his record player, which you were stunned that he even had. 

You texted your friends to let them know that you were on the way home and called Johnny to get his usual tantrum out of the way before you got there, but it was safe to say that you weren’t expecting to come back to Johnny and Mark waiting for you in the kitchen like two unhappy parents. 

You reached into the cabinet to grab a glass and deadpanned, “Uh oh. Am I in trouble?”

Mark snickered and he looked like mischief. “Very much so.”

Your gaze flitted towards Johnny, who was clearly the more disgruntled of the two, and asked, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look like you had a long night.”

“That’s probably because I did.”

“Did you hook up with anyone?”

You grimaced. “Gross, Johnny. Do I ask you who and what you do with your dick?”

Johnny gave you a look that told you he was serious. 

“No, I didn’t hook up,” you replied, filling your glass with water and hoping to find a way out of this situation so that you could shower and brush your teeth. 

Johnny’s lips were tugged into a frown. This older brother responsibility was far from easy when his little sister made it even harder to check up on her. “I worry about you. Is that a crime?” 

You exhaled a long breath. “You’re right. I should have at least let you know that I was okay and I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I just got… distracted.”

That got Mark’s attention and he butted in dramatically, “Where did you go last night? I was this close to filing a police report, but it hadn’t been twenty-four hours.”

Typical cop father response. That was half the reason why nobody wanted to deal him drugs. Thank goodness he had you to vouch for him. “And what would you do if I was off with a serial killer instead of some hot guy?”

“I wouldn’t be too worried. You’re annoying. They would return you on the front doorstep with a note that said ‘come get your bitch back.’”

You were tempted to roll your eyes, but you noticed Johnny laugh a little and it honestly made you feel somewhat better. He had been painfully uptight lately and you just wanted him to chill for once. 

“I’m gonna go take a shower and brush my teeth,” you announced, discarding your glass in the sink and heading for the stairs. 

Of course, Mark had more insults on deck and didn’t hesitate to ask, “You’re gonna need more than that for all the cum you had to have gargled last night.”

“For the last time, I did not hook up,” you huffed in exasperation, marching up the stairs. “And get the hell out of my house - you don’t even live here!”

You could hear Mark laughing from the overlook. 

A lot of time was spent counting down the hours until you could see Jeong Jaehyun again. You learned that he was not the type of guy to sit around waiting by his phone. This was a busy man with business to take care of and he didn’t have a lot of spare time. 

You didn’t mind, because he spent it talking to you, which was definitely an indicator that he was starting to really like you. With so few hours in a week, let alone a day, it was hard to believe he let just anyone consume the little downtime that remained. 

Jaehyun let you crash some nights at his place when your brother was being a massive thorn in your side. It wasn’t a crime, but it was easy to get away with, all things considered. Yugyeom never bothered either of you and Jungkook was rarely there, so you spent most of the time talking incessantly and getting high. 

Maybe some kisses were shared in between, but nothing more. Jaehyun was content with just getting to know you for now. His usual invitees consisted of one-night stands and girls he hung out with for a couple of weeks, but you were different. You made him think, high or not, and it was rare a girl penetrated his mind so deeply.

And so quickly. It had only been a month, maybe a little longer. He was still afraid of being completely open with you, but the way the two of you touched each other was starting to get riskier and riskier. 

Kisses lasted longer. More than once, he caught himself going after your clothes, but he didn’t want to seem like an animal. You did seem a little eager too, kissing the breath out of him and getting more and more flirtatious, but Jaehyun hated having to guess. 

He wanted you to tell him what you wanted in no uncertain terms. No room for uncertainty. 

Yugyeom knocked on Jaehyun’s bedroom door, which was already cracked ajar, and asked, “Hey, is she coming over tonight?”

“Yes, so please be on your best behavior. No bullshit,” Jaehyun replied, getting a whiff of the trouble that was Yugyeom and wrinkling his nose. 

“Have you guys… you know?”

“That’s a personal question.”

“So you haven’t.” Yugyeom pressed, “Man, when are you gonna tell her you’ve got the hots for her? You know what, I’ll clear the house and leave a bottle of wine out. Light one of your expensive candles. Girls like that shit.”

Like hell Jaehyun needed advice on how to set the mood, from Yugyeom much less. Plus he was none too pleased at being interrupted, especially because now he was thinking about having sex with you and it was doing things to him down there. “I think I know what girls like.”

“Then what’s the problem? And don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it. We’re both dudes, man. That’s bullshit.”

“There isn’t one,” Jaehyun replied to his roommate honestly. Of course, he had thought about having sex with you. He might’ve been respectful, but like Yugyeom said, he was still a dude. Hell, the words had come out of your own mouth. 

Yugyeom prodded, “Then?”

“I just don’t wanna rush into it.”

Now that Yugyeom could buy. Jaehyun was sentimental like that. When he really liked a girl, evaluating her worth took priority over getting laid. Jaehyun had this wall of ice put up that even Yugyeom had to steadily break through. Ironically, sometimes it felt like he was still on the outside. 

But he put two and two together. If Jaehyun liked you - as in really, really liked you - then that made shit even more complicated. It was no secret that Johnny had it out for Jaehyun and he obviously came to the same conclusion that Jaehyun had; shit getting serious with you was dangerous. 

So Yugyeom left it alone. 

Like clockwork, you were pulling into Jaehyun’s driveway only a few hours later. You discerned that the lot was empty save for your car and Jaehyun’s which more than likely implied that the two of you would be completely alone in the house together. 

Slipping the spare key from under the mat, you unlocked the door and sang after locking it behind yourself, “Darling, I’m home!”

“I’m upstairs,” Jaehyun called out from the second floor, his room door obviously open for once. The benefits of having the house to himself. 

You didn’t hesitate to make your way upstairs, not failing to clock the bottle of expensive wine on the counter when you passed by the kitchen, but you thought little of it when you came through the hallway and slipped into Jaehyun’s comfortable bedroom. “Hey, Dimples,” you greeted. 

Jaehyun smiled at you and waved. His room was dimly lit. The overhead lights were turned off, but the candles on his nightstand were ablaze and there was an old school classic going on in the background. 

The second you came in, Jaehyun set his book aside, giving you his undivided attention. “Come here.”

You wasted no time doing as told, advancing towards the bed and giggling when he snatched you into his open arms for a handful of kisses. Your whole body was soothed from his slightest of touches, at ease in his arms. Jaehyun had quickly become your second safe place. 

God, you had been waiting for this moment all week. Johnny wasn’t on your ass any more than usual, but it got lonely in that house and it was even worse when you found yourself only craving Jaehyun’s company. There was something happening to you and you couldn’t tell if you liked it or not. 

Jaehyun drew back after a minute, taking a moment to breathe and brush a loose strand of hair behind your ears. “Things okay at home?”

“New topic,” you groaned. 

Jaehyun winced. That couldn’t have been too good. 

“You smell good,” you purred, breathing in his scent. 

“You always say that.”

“Because you always smell good.” 

“I just got out of the shower.”

“Without me?”

“You sound like a guy,” Jaehyun said in disapproval. 

You snickered. You had definitely gotten that comment from a boy before.

Jaehyun’s eyes were fixed to your face, taking in how beautiful you were. Damn, it was like every time he saw you, you looked even more breathtaking. 

You couldn’t help but stare back. Jaehyun’s visuals were out of this damn universe and it was borderline maddening he could be this fucking fine. But deeper than that, sometimes you couldn’t help but stare into his dark eyes and wonder what all he was hiding back there. 

It was plain as day that Jaehyun wasn’t the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially not when his romantic feelings were involved. In the time that you’d spent together, you had gotten to learn some things about him, but there was plenty that he filtered out as a defense mechanism. 

When you wanted to get closer, Jaehyun shut down, which was totally ironic, because he was the one that asked if you wanted to get to know him. Now you had to fight for it?

Maybe he meant get to know his body and you were oblivious - and you wouldn’t have minded one bit - but if that was the case, you should’ve already had sex and been out of the picture. Yet he was keeping you twice as long as most girls lasted and for no apparent reason.

Sex made things more complicated. If you had sex with Jaehyun right now, and it was good, there was absolutely no telling how that would shift the trajectory of your entire life. But the way he was looking at you right now tempted you to risk it all. 

Your lips found Jaehyun’s again, but the kiss was different this time. It was needier, desperate. It sent heat stretching through every bone in your body and straight between your thighs, and you felt like you were levitating. Your body scorched with desire, hands running down his chest. 

Jaehyun kept up with your reckless kissing very well, but he couldn’t ignore the nature of it and it made him ask himself questions. You were kissing him like you wanted him. Tired of wondering, he pulled back and asked forthrightly, “Do you want to have sex with me?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” you countered, quickly seizing the opportunity to return your lips to his.

All of this beating around the bush was getting on his nerves and Jaehyun took matters into his own hands. Literally. You gasped when he pushed you onto your back, pinning you onto his bed, and locked your wrists above your head. “I want to hear you say it.”

Now that was sexy as hell and your thighs involuntarily pressed together. “I want to have sex with you.”

That was all Jaehyun needed to hear. He was quick to catch your lip in between his teeth and seal your lips in another heated kiss, taking in your every trembling exhale. You moaned into his mouth, a little too enamored with how good it felt beneath him. 

His hands released your wrists in favor of your waist, testing the waters. You were reactive to Jaehyun’s touches, hyper aware of his hands steadily falling lower, but not daring to touch you too intimately yet. Like he was waiting for something to happen. 

Jaehyun’s eyes sank to your empty neck and something deep in the pit of his gut was set on fire. “Are marks okay?”

Making quick work of his shirt and tossing it over his shoulders, you nodded your head. “Yeah. Johnny will notice, but he’ll never assume they’re from you.” 

It took absolutely nothing else for Jaehyun to connect his lips to your throat hungrily, leaving mark after mark on your skin in an effort to stake his claim to you. And all it did was turn you on further. There was a thudding between your legs, arousal spilling over. 

Little soft sighs and curses slipped from your lips and you could feel the bedroom get hotter and hotter. It wasn’t as if you and Jaehyun had agreed to be exclusive, but you hadn’t been with anyone else in the time that the two of you had been hanging out, meaning it had been over a month since you’d last had sex. 

And it fucking showed. You were aching for more, on top of your natural desire for Jaehyun. If you didn’t fuck his brains out right now you were going to self-destruct.

“Jaehyun, fuck me,” you groaned impatiently. 

Instead, he grinned, too fond of the neediness in your voice and on your pretty face. Jaehyun looked you plain in the eye and said, “I want you to beg.”

You were too gone to roll your eyes, but not too out of it to retort, “Make me.”

“I’m gonna make you beg, alright,” Jaehyun said without question. He made a move for your shorts and tugged them off your ankles, repeating the gesture with your panties. 

The only thing that kept you from being totally naked was your top but Jaehyun didn’t look too concerned with getting rid of it yet. Instead, he focused his undivided attention between your legs, entranced by your glistening core and his mouth going dry with the desire to have a taste. 

You watched the enthrallment on his face with satisfaction. Funny how his ability to conceal his emotions went out the window when pussy was involved. His eyes were dark as ever and Jaehyun’s voice somehow got deeper when he asked, “Will you let me taste you?” 

“Fuck,” you mumbled, sensing that he was about to wreck the living hell out of you. “Uh, yeah. Yes.”

No room for uncertainty. Now that he had your consent, Jaehyun gathered your legs in his hands, tossed them over his broad shoulders, and went to town. You gasped aloud at the first pass of his tongue at your clit and it couldn’t have been further from tentative. 

Of course this man went straight for your sensitive bundle of nerves instead of your slick folds, he knew better. Given how exciting the thought of Jaehyun dicking you down had been, you were already throbbing, but now you were tense and unstill.

There was something about the feeling of his lips sucking and licking at your cunt that made you squirm and cry out in an overwhelming bolt of pleasure. Jaehyun clamped his big hands onto your thighs to keep you pliant, holding them right where he wanted them, and kept eating you out. 

It made zero sense how hot you found every little thing that he did. 

“Jesus, fuck,” was basically all that you could say. With how vigorously Jaehyun was sucking at your bundle of nerves, it was getting borderline impossible to think. 

Jaehyun sure didn’t seem timid. Matter of fact, the way he refused to shy away from in between your pair of legs, doing everything in his power to keep them separated at both sides of his head, said loud and clear that he was a man on a mission to make you unravel. 

Not to mention that he was doing a damn good job. Your ears were hardly even working, the whole world fading to static, the only audible sound being the incessant throb of your pulse quickening by the minute. 

The sheer opposite was true for Jaehyun. His ears were on full alert and he could hear everything from the increasing volume and speed of your breaths plus your soft moans to the gentle rustling of the trees' leaves outside his open window. 

Jaehyun peered up at you, noticed the euphoria tensing your beautiful features, and his lips broke into a wide grin. “How are you doing up there?”

No words would come. It took twice as long to even process the ones that left his mouth. Your eyes were drooping and misty, damp with moisture, and all that escaped you was a befuddled, “Fuck.”

Jaehyun snickered. That was answer enough. “It sounds to me like you’re having a fun time,” he started. “Do you want to cum?”

You obviously heard that and hissed, “Don’t ask stupid questions.” 

“If you want to cum, then beg me for it,” Jaehyun growled darkly. You appreciated the brief lull of peace, but of fucking course, it was that moment Jaehyun chose to press a long pair of fingers into your dripping pussy.

Your back arched and your soft cries filled the air. It felt like somebody had given Jaehyun the blueprints to your body with how he excelled at satisfying you in ways literally nobody had previously. 

The answer was obvious. Jaehyun wanted you to beg? Fuck it. You would beg. 

“Please,” you said, your voice raising a few pitches. “Oh, god. Please make me cum, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun didn’t make a sound but you could feel his mouth on your cunt again and knew that he was about to take you there.  

And then it came. The mind-numbing orgasm engulfed you in its fury and you were scarred with burns from head to toe, most of it pivoting towards your core. 

Your hands desperately grasped locks of Jaehyun’s soft fluffy hair in an attempt to anchor yourself and you didn’t release him from your clutches until every tremble faded. Jaehyun got so aroused watching you shudder with release that he swore his own mind went blank. 

It took a good minute and a half at the least for your mind to start to clear itself and you sighed pleasantly as the wrath of your orgasm slowly began to die out. You peered down at Jaehyun, blinking a couple of times, and slackened your grip when you realized how tightly your hands were latched to him.

Jaehyun didn’t seem to mind, contentedly watching you try to gather your bearings. “Are you back to earth?”

“Barely,” you rasped, still unable to feel your thighs. 

“Do you want to stop?”

You gawked. “Are you kidding? I still wanna fuck you. If you still wanna fuck me.”

“I still want to fuck you,” Jaehyun said, pulling you in for another hot but reassuring kiss. It was hard to breathe, but so worth it. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and tasted yourself on his. 

Kissing you made Jaehyun feel like he was ascending, but right now it also made his dick ascend and his patience was steadily dissipating into thin air. You could feel his hard-on against your naked thigh and it sent shock waves to your brain. 

I think that’s the best head I’ve ever had, you admitted to yourself, but not aloud. Your dating history wasn’t top secret but you spoke little of it to Jaehyun. Did it matter that all of your exes were scumbags and rarely bothered to get you off?

Except for one. The sex was good, but it wasn’t a fair trade-off for your heart. No man nor his cock was worth your sanity and you told that to yourself every time you engaged with one. 

Plus you just got this weird feeling where nothing or nobody else mattered when you and Jaehyun were alone together. You didn’t think of the various roots of the stresses in your life and calmness was finally an option. 

You didn’t want to ruin that, so you didn’t get too deep. 

But you were hoping Jaehyun was packing enough to be deep inside of you. Fuck that, you had felt it against your thigh. You knew that he was and it was exciting. 

Your voice was weighed down by the thickness of your breaths. “Do you have condoms?”

“Always,” Jaehyun replied, pulling a drawer open on his nightstand to retrieve one.

That was a relief. You had never done it raw before and though you liked Jaehyun, you weren’t sure where his dick had been and what all it had seen. You’d rather be safe.

Jaehyun gently pushed you back onto the mattress and crawled over you, drawing the condom between his teeth while he tossed your shirt and bra halfway across his bedroom, then whispered, “Tell me how you want it.”

“Hard and deep. Deep and hard,” you confessed sultrily, looking him dead in the eye. 

Jaehyun smirked. “That can be arranged.”

You watched Jaehyun shuffle out of his pants and put the condom on, but the bulk of your attention was set on that thick, girthy cock. Your mouth was watering. Maybe some other time you could suck him off, but right now getting it between your thighs was all you wanted. 

It didn’t seem as if he glanced up, but Jaehyun said, “You’re staring.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Jaehyun said. 

You giggled. “No, I’m not.”

The sound faded when you spread your legs apart invitingly and he penetrated you at an excruciatingly slow pace, sinking deeper inch by fucking inch. 

You and Jaehyun made a sound in harmony when he finally filled you to the hilt, grasping your waist and using it as anchor like he was at risk of going dangerously deep if he made one wrong move and never returning to the surface. 

Good thing it was only the two of you. You, keeping quiet when he was this good with his hands and presumably even better with his thick cock? There was no way in hell. 

“Oh my god…,” you whispered, obsessed with the sensation of being filled. 

Whatever you were thinking right now, Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. You made his brain grind to a halt and stutter. “Does that feel okay?”

“More than okay,” you told him, because it was the truth. Somehow the pleasure was only spiking. The ecstasy continued to build. 

You looked so beautiful beneath the golden-yellow hue of his lamplight and Jaehyun knew he would be fantasizing about how your face tensed with pleasure for weeks, if not months.

Jaehyun especially liked the way you were tightening around his cock, gripping it for dear life as if letting go simply wasn’t an option. You wound your legs around his hips and helped draw him into yours in spite of knowing it could ruin you, a telltale sign that your desire for more outweighed any rational thinking. 

It just felt so good that it had to be illegal and though you knew that it wasn’t, it was damn near close. 

There was still music playing from the vinyl player in the background that soothed any and all nerves that you could’ve ever had. You took a moment and inhaled deeply, breathing in the musk of Jaehyun and the scent of the candles. 

Your eyes fluttered closed. It was ironic that you were on a raging high even though you hadn’t even gotten around to having your usual fill of marijuana. In legal terms, you were far from inebriated. But according to yourself? You were fiending for Jaehyun and found him lethally intoxicating. 

His weight on top of you. His deep, guttural grunts in your ear between his jagged breaths. His perfect thrusts and the way he stroked you exactly how you wanted, all the while reaping his pleasure from your body. 

It was fucking mind-blowing. 

Jaehyun had a similar thought and it tore a noise out of him. His intentions in inviting you over tonight weren’t to have sex, in spite of his roommate’s attempts at getting him to get laid when he was only trying to break you in, but it was an unregrettable decision. 

“You take it so good, baby,” Jaehyun said tenderly, but it barely scratched the tip of the iceberg of praises he had in storage especially for you. 

Fuck, you wanted to hate how easy it was for him to kindle these rash flames inside of you, but your attraction to Jaehyun became undeniable the second you initiated the first rendezvous. 

You were peering into Jaehyun’s soul, searching his whole face without knowing what you were looking for, and saw the euphoria fluttering his eyes closed and spreading his lips apart just enough for those heavenly sounds to slip through. 

You guessed you found it then, because the tightening in the pit of your gut was at an all-time high and it wasn’t skipping out on the extremes. 

Combing your hands through his hair, you whimpered, “I’m so close.”

Jaehyun accelerated his pace, wanting to take you to the ends of the earth and back. You noticed, because you could feel his hard dick slapping against your hips with a purpose, and you swore to god your eyes rolled somewhere black. 

The end was creeping up on you from behind. You could feel it. Jaehyun could feel it himself, the telltale twitch of his cock indicating that he was pushing his limits. 

“I want you to cum,” Jaehyun growled in no uncertain terms, his tone dominant. “Nice and hard. Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Yes,” you choked out. 

If you were being frank, he didn’t even have to ask. It was impossible to hide the evidence of your impending orgasm, the heightened tremors in your voice and the shakiness in your body were more than enough proof. 

All you could think about was how restlessly you were going after this orgasm and how terribly you needed it like it would fix every little thing going wrong in your life.

Your hands slipped from Jaehyun’s hair to his shoulders to finally his back, raking your nails down the flesh in a set of ministrations that were bound to leave red lines, and you rasped breathlessly, “Finish me.”

The hoarseness of your voice alone could’ve broken Jaehyun but he hung on for your sake, fingertips flitting to your sensitive, swollen clit again because he knew he wouldn’t last very much longer. 

You were even more restless than before and it wasn’t long until Jaehyun granted your wish, your lips parting in a scream and your vision going totally black. Your toes curled into tight bends as you grinded your hips into Jaehyun, milking your release for every damn dime.

Jaehyun could feel you clenching rapidly and repeatedly around his cock and merely seconds after that it was game over. He came with the deepest, sexiest groan you had ever heard before in your life, hips stuttering as his cum filled the condom, and all you could think about was how this could not be a one-time thing. 

The next few minutes were a blur. You only recalled Jaehyun peeling off you to dispose of the condom, the layers of sweat on your naked bodies keeping you connected, and returning to your side briefly. 

Jaehyun scanned you for any signs of obvious discomfort. “Are you okay?”

Your mouth was hanging open, aggressive pants falling from your lips, but Jaehyun’s attention was no longer focused on your heaving chest - it was on you. “No, more like incredible.”

That had Jaehyun in the first half, but he snickered in amusement and relief when you wrapped up your sentence. “Do you wanna shower with me?”

“That’s kinda intimate,” you said, as if that was actually going to stop you. “Hell yeah, I do.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but there was a smile plain as day on his face. You cried out in surprise when he hauled you into his burly arms, hooking one of them under your knees, and carried you into his bathroom. 

Your own individual toothbrush was in there on the sink counter squarely beside Jaehyun’s. It was only right that he let you keep one there, given how many late Friday nights you spent at his house instead of your own. 

Plus some of your clothes were there, tucked into his drawers, but when you returned to his bedroom, you donned one of his shirts that was unsurprisingly oversized on you. 

You sat on Jaehyun’s bed, memories of what you’d just done on his sheets still fresh, and watched him rifling through his vinyl catalog, but because he was shirtless you quickly got distracted by the view you had of his back. 

At least until he turned around after setting the vinyl on his record player, apparently oblivious, and coming to sit at your side. 

There was mischief on your face and you were struggling to stifle a giggle. It was obvious, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, nothing.”

Jaehyun didn’t believe you at all, but he didn’t press. 

You sighed contentedly, leaning into his naked chest. The little voice in your brain was thinking about how he smelled so clean and fresh, and good. Well, duh, she snapped. If you somehow weren’t paying attention, he just got out of the shower. 

But you were definitely paying attention, maybe a little more than you should’ve. It wasn’t your fault he looked like the leading role of every romance book ever. This was a man out of every little girls’ childhood dreams and, more importantly, every grown woman’s wet ones. 

As Jaehyun held you in his arms, you couldn’t help but think, spotting little items in his room that screamed, I come from money. “Jaehyun, is it okay if I ask you a question?”

Jaehyun hummed. You figured he might’ve been close to dozing off, but in reality, he was just captivated by the smell of your hair and hoping it lingered on his pillows. 

“You’re pretty well-off, but you live with two other guys. You’re technically always alone, but you don’t live alone. Why?”

Now that wasn’t what Jaehyun was expecting you to ask him, but you were full of surprises. He took a moment to ponder his answer, finding himself reflecting. “It’s because of how I grew up, I guess. I was the only child, so it was just me and my parents in the house. I guess I kind of wanted to know what it's like to have brothers.”

You made a noise of content. “You’re close then.”

“Yup.” 

You could feel Jaehyun playing with your hair and it made you smile gently.

“What about you and your friends?”

“What about them?”

“What’s the relationship like? Have you fucked Mark?”

You were taken aback, though rather than be affronted, the ridiculousness of that question made you laugh. “No way. I prefer my vagina itch-free,” you quipped. 

Jaehyun chuckled. It was a shock that that kid got around town the way he did, but that was why Jaehyun had to respect the hustle. 

Then, out of nowhere, you got a little sober. “On a serious note, Mark is my bestie and he’s what I imagine having a little brother is like. Johnny really likes him too, so sometimes I’ll walk in on them hanging out without me.”

You didn’t notice the way Jaehyun’s head bobbed along, but he was listening. It was believable. Mark was a social butterfly and impossible to dislike, no matter how irritating. 

And he was only irritating to some. Those who didn’t find him to be a thorn in their side probably wanted him a number of inches deep in their guts. 

You continued, “Yuta is more Johnny’s friend than he is mine, but he’s laidback. Haechan is a little shit but he’s funny as fuck. And you know Jeno is chaotic as ever.”

You were fond of your circles of friends. Most folks assumed it must’ve been suffocating to be the only girl amongst a group of insufferable horny dudes, but it wasn’t half bad. Jeno had tried to get into your pants before, but when you turned him down he took the rejection coolly. 

Mark, like you said, was like a sibling to you and that went both ways. When somebody suggested the two of you hook up, his knee-jerk reaction was to hiss, “Ew!”

Haechan was a slut like all of them but he knew better than to slut himself out to you and Yuta, though you already couldn’t have been further from his type, was one of your older brother’s closest friends. According to Yuta himself, the thought of being in a relationship with you was hilarious. 

Never mind the fact that he admitted he’d actually do it, but strictly for fun. Pissing off Johnny was his full-time job and dating his younger sister? It would’ve been the easiest way. 

You and Jaehyun chatted until you couldn’t ignore each other’s incessant yawns and made the mutual agreement to crawl under the sheets together. A rare Jungkook appearance one weekend forced you into bed with each other and ever since that was how you’d slept. 

Side by side, skin to skin. 

The sun was brighter than ever when you woke up some hours later. You noticed that the curtains were open. And they had been since you likened Jaehyun to a vampire.

Speaking of Jaehyun, he was still sleeping like a rock beside you, completely still other than the gentle heave of his chest as he snored quietly. You crawled gingerly out of bed so as not to disturb his rest, the sight of him still asleep when you stood making you sigh out in relief. 

After a quick wash-up in the bathroom, you headed downstairs for a snack. Your stomach was rumbling and you realized that you hadn’t eaten since you left home. 

What you didn’t expect was to see Yugyeom half-naked in the kitchen though. 

You weren’t sure why. It was his house and if he wanted to walk around like he just went skinny dipping, then he had that right. Fortunately, he was wearing sweatpants, so you were spared from that unsightly picture. 

Yugyeom heard your footsteps and turned. “Oh, hey. Sleep good?”

“I only slept for a few hours,” you confessed, though you felt like you were quite well-rested. “But yeah, I slept pretty good.”

Yugyeom chuckled. “I bet.”

You said nothing else. Yugyeom wasn’t a total stranger, even before you started crashing at his house, but you weren’t close by any means. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here,” you said after a pause, straddling a barstool. 

“I mean, I do live here. Who do you think pays most of the bills?”

“Jaehyun,” you chirped. 

“Okay, that’s fair. Who do you think pays the second most of the bills?”

“You and Jungkook, but it wasn’t always that way.”

Yugyeom threw in the towel, realizing Jaehyun had most definitely had this discussion with you at some point. Then, he started to laugh. Jaehyun was discussing their finances with you? There was no way in living hell. 

I’ll be damned. Yugyeomed sighed in amusement. “You know, you’re the first girl I’ve seen last this long with Jaehyun.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not saying he’s a player, but I thought I’d stop seeing you around here, like, two weeks ago. For a girl to survive a month with him, she has to really crank up his brain. And Jaehyun isn’t easily impressed,” Yugyeom said. 

It was obvious what he was implying and you knew exactly where this was heading. “I’m sure, but Jaehyun and I are just vibing.”

“I didn’t say that you weren’t.”

“Yes, but you think that we aren’t,” you replied, rubbing your arms. It was always cold the mornings after. 

Yugyeom laughed. “No, I don’t. Not right now. I didn't even crack Jaehyun that soon. All I’m saying is Jaehyun is a real gem and I think that you have a solid chance.”

“And you want me to take it?”

Yugyeom was strategically bouncing around, going from subtly planting ideas in your head to making them seem as if they were your own. “Whatever you do with that information is out of my hands and none of my business.”

Your lips parted to speak, but you were fortunately saved by the bell. Footsteps were heard from the hall and Jaehyun emerged from around the corner, voice deep from sleep, “What are you two talking about?”

Yugyeom lied without hesitation, “How handsome you are, of course.”

Jaehyun didn’t believe it for a second, but he stole the barstool beside you and gently nudged your elbow. “You think I’m handsome?”

“Oh, the handsomest,” you deadpanned, but rested your head onto his shoulder. 

Jaehyun let you. At least for a little while, but then he pulled you into his chest and mumbled groggily, “You left me.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your hands tangled into his dark hair. “I’ll stay next time.”

“Good.”

Yugyeom was peering into the fridge, shaking his head, wondering if he was the only one that saw your fate. 

The whole weekend was spent in Jaehyun’s arms, restless. If you weren’t getting high on marijuana and chatting about whatever came to mind, you were dancing to one of his vinyls. If you weren’t kissing each other breathless, you were fucking each other senseless. 

It was two days of whimsical fun, ignoring the world and its insignificant little woes. In many ways, Jaehyun was like your oasis.

You were starting to hate Mondays. They were the days where you realized that nothing was forever, every time without fail. The days you had to finally face the world after a weekend of neglecting its existence. 

Plus you didn’t get a lot of Jaehyun during the other five days of the week, and though you understood your conflicting schedules, it was getting less and less easy to cope. 

Finals week thankfully gave you less time to think about whatever the hell was blossoming between you and Jaehyun. You didn’t want to think about it, because you were well aware that it wouldn’t last. As perfectly as Jaehyun molded into you, there was no piece of him that fit the bigger picture. 

But of course, you were pacing down your school’s courtyard with a bag slung over your shoulder when you noticed Mark’s footsteps catching up to you. “Wanna tell me why Johnny asked me if you’ve been going out with somebody lately?” he asked.

You pretended to be oblivious, keeping your head straight and your steps quick. “Why would he ask you that?”

“Because I’m your best friend and you tell me everything, or so I thought,” Mark hissed.

You groaned, weighing your options. You could keep this private love affair to yourself and let the guilt and pressure split you down the middle, or you could confide in your best friend and hope it took the edge off. 

Pulling Mark behind a tree and scanning your surroundings for unwanted bystanders, you exhaled roughly and said, “Don’t freak out, but I may or may not be sleeping with Jeong Jaehyun on the weekends.”

Mark was understandably dumbfounded by that information and screeched aloud, “What the fuck, dude?”

“I just said don’t freak out!”

Mark shook his head, the total opposite of cool and collected. There was no way in hell he wasn’t going to freak out. “Are you kidding? Johnny literally wants to kill him.”

“God, I know,” you bemoaned, pressing a palm to your forehead. This whole situation combined with the stress of finals was giving you a splitting headache. 

The shock was still evident on Mark’s face, but he seemed to be cooling off. “Shit, dude. This is crazy. Is the sex at least good?”

Your mind was fluttering with memories and it was hard to resist a smile. Getting laid right now would probably fix you. “Jeong Jaehyun may be a scoundrel for whatever reason, but I can reassure you he is not lacking in the sex department.”

Or any department. It was strange that in the weeks the two of you had spent bonding and the like, you had yet to identify a single red flag of Jaehyun’s. Apparently, the weirdest thing about this boy was the amount of pictures he kept of his toes. 

“Oh my god,” Mark gasped. 

“What?”

“That night you went upstairs to pee and didn’t come back,” Mark started, finally connecting the dots and displeased he hadn’t seen the hints earlier. “You were off screwing Jaehyun, weren’t you?”

“Actually, no. I was with him, yes, but we weren’t hooking up then.”

Mark was baffled to very fucking his core. That had to be half a decade ago. This whole time, you were spending your spare time on Jaehyun and nobody knew?

Gripping Mark by the shoulders, you stared into his eyes and said sternly, “Listen. You can’t tell Johnny.”

Your best friend made a face of disapproval, but nodded his head. “Alright. Fine.”

“I’m serious. You have to promise.”

Mark groaned, “Dude, I’m not gonna tell Johnny that you’re fucking Jaehyun. No matter how bizarre and borderline batshit insane that is to say aloud. I promise your secret is safe with me.”

You released his shoulders and a shaky breath, relenting. “Okay.”

“But that doesn’t mean that I approve.”

“Understandable. I can live with that.”

“I don’t see how,” Mark grumbled under his breath. 

You frowned. 

Months flew by. Christmas and News Year were a blur, two events you and Jaehyun spent at separate locations. Your parents were rarely home, but the winter holidays were a period of time that they always made sure to be around for. And Jaehyun paid his family a visit that week. 

But then it was February, and the national holiday that was Jaehyun’s birthday came of nowhere. 

“No way you were born on Valentine’s day,” you remembered telling him a few months back after asking him about his birthday. Jaehyun had groaned, more than accustomed to how this conversation played out. This was far from his first rodeo. 

Though it was rare that a girl made it to actually celebrate his birthday with him. 

Idiotically, you found yourself scorching with nerves that afternoon, overwhelmingly anxious. Your whole body was tense and you paced around your room antsily for hours until it was time to get in your car and head out to Jaehyun’s house. 

You had gotten him a gift and you weren’t sure whether he would like it or not. Then again, you had spent weeks planning what you would give him based on every second of every little conversation you’d shared and you were half confident, half uncertain. 

Jungkook opened the door to leave at the same moment you were preparing yourself to go inside, most likely heading to his girlfriend’s place after spending the morning celebrating his friend’s birthday, and held the door open for you. “Uh, do you need a minute?”

“No. Thank you,” you replied bashfully, catching the door and finally turning inside. 

You took one more deep breath and paced upstairs while gripping the box in your hands so tightly it might’ve broken. 

Jaehyun was sitting on his bed, his guitar in his hands instead of standing upright in the corner of his bedroom as typical, and glanced up when he heard your footsteps. “Hi.”

“Hi, birthday boy,” you greeted. 

Jaehyun was smiling. You had already wished him a happy birthday at midnight on the dot which was a sweet gesture in itself. 

“I, uh, got you something,” you said, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so nervous. 

“I can see that.” Jaehyun set his guitar aside. There was curiosity in his stare, but he whispered, “You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to. You’re my… friend,” you told him awkwardly, handing over the gift before it made you say something stupid. “I didn’t know what to get a guy who has literally everything he wants, but I tried.”

Jaehyun accepted the gift box graciously, peeling off the wrap, and said, “Whatever you got me is more than enough, baby.”

You sure hoped so. You didn’t spend the past few weeks stressing over this very moment for nothing. You wanted to give him something thoughtful and memorable. 

Anticipation made your heart sound like thunder. You fidgeted, twiddling your thumbs as Jaehyun slowly opened the box, retrieving a guitar strap alongside a couple of other items. The awe that tensed Jaehyun’s features was authentic and your heart was taut with giddiness when his lips tugged into a beaming smile. 

A few words scribbled onto the guitar strap caught Jaehyun’s attention and he unhesitatingly pulled them closer to his face to get a better look. It was like a little note, but words only you would say. Play me till the end. 

“Wow,” Jaehyun whispered, feeling a thumping inside of his ribcage. “You… I literally mentioned that I wanted one of these in passing.”

“When you talk, I listen.”

Jaehyun’s eyes met yours. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” you murmured, straddling his lap and tossing your arms around his neck. “Happy birthday, baby.”

Jaehyun set his hands at your hips and kissed you restlessly, restraint taking the backseat as he absorbed every bit of your warmth and used it to fuel his fire. Your lips took him to the other side but your hands kept him grounded. 

Things felt different now. Kissing Jaehyun had never not been spellbinding, but right now? The feeling in your chest was indescribably hot. 

But it was dangerous and terrifying. It defied everything you told yourself to be true, and every principle you had laid out. This was deeper than building a relationship with the enemy. It was the intimacy that accompanied trusting another guy with your heart, and fighting the unshakable doubts. 

You had built something of a friendship with Jaehyun. Friends that occasionally kissed and felt each other up and had hooked up more than once. 

But what if you wanted more? What if you were really two star-crossed lovers that couldn’t have each other? What if?

Jaehyun wondered if your feelings had gotten as tense as his were. Months ago, he was telling himself not to get too close to you because of who your brother was and your clear lack of romantic intentions, but no amount of walls he put up could’ve prevented his feelings from getting this deep. 

You wouldn’t tell him even if they had. What good would it have done for him to know that you loved him, but you couldn’t have him? 

When Jaehyun pulled back, he stared into your eyes, not at your lips. “Let’s go make hot cocoa,” he said after a pause.

You blinked in surprise, but Jaehyun was already tugging you along before you could even think. 

The time in the kitchen together was a beautiful mess. You liked randomly bursting out into song and Jaehyun liked dancing, which ultimately turned into him tenderly cradling you there in his arms and mumbling into your ear, the hot cocoa all but forgotten. 

You especially liked the toasty smell of a hot, creamy mug of hot chocolate. It was very Jaehyun-like. The winter seasons in general were reminiscent of his personality, not because he was cold (like some people assumed), but the sheer opposite. 

Jaehyun was the warmest guy that you had ever met, in a way. Anyone who said otherwise didn’t have the privilege of knowing him, but you? You liked to think that you had him all figured out.

Maybe there was a chance you did to an extent. Getting to know him over the course of these long months had definitely shifted your previous perspective. Jaehyun kept to himself because he was afraid of his vulnerability being used as a weapon, but when you broke those stubborn barriers, you saw that Jaehyun was just a guy that wanted a home. 

He had one, metaphorically speaking, but no one to share it between. That was why you used to think he was shy, and why others thought he was cold. Jaehyun wanted to protect the home he’d built for himself and was reluctant to let others in, because he wanted it to be sturdy for the ones he would let stay.  

A hopeless romantic to his core. 

After making sure the kitchen was tidy, Jaehyun led you away to the infamous white couch that stretched along his living room wall. Your favorite spot in the whole house. Aside from his bedroom, of course.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, couldn’t decide. Half of it was littered in a slew of memories of you and his whole bedroom smelled more like you than it did himself now. Picking a favorite would be an impossible choice. 

There was a lull of silence as the two of you sipped from your mugs, but it wasn’t an issue. The silence was always comfortable with Jaehyun, as well as literally everything else about him. 

Though you didn’t notice, the weird thing now was that Jaehyun was less secure. He didn’t make it obvious, but he was remarkably nervous. Jaehyun tried to cloak his nerves when he said, “I kind of got you something, too.”

Your eyes went wide with shock. “You got me something… for your birthday?”

“I mean, yeah. It’s also Valentine’s day and you’re… important to me,” Jaehyun confessed softly, a tiny smile breaking out onto his lips. 

“I am?”

“You are,” he whispered, hurriedly reaching into his pockets for something. Imagine your surprise when he dropped a USB drive into the palm of your hand. “Stick it into your computer when you get home.”

You nodded obediently, sitting it on the coffee table so that it wouldn’t be crushed in your jeans, but your innate curiosity was never satisfied and you asked, “What’s on it?”

“A surprise,” was all Jaehhyun said. 

You hummed. If Jaehyun didn’t want to tell you, you knew it would be pointless to press. 

But you would be lying if you said that it wasn’t killing you. 

Jaehyun knew that. He knew you were a curious individual, because he was drawn to your insatiable need to know. But he didn’t want to be there to see your reaction. Just looking at you made his chest taut and rejection’s brutal fangs still ripped him to shreds. 

At least you couldn’t tell by looking at him. Jaehyun had made sure of that. “Talk to me,” he said, squeezing your hand. 

You smiled, because his hands were warm from the hot cocoa. “About what?”

“Tell me more about yourself. It’s been months, but I feel like there’s still more to know about you. Talk to me about what you love. Your hopes and dreams.”

A little sigh left you. “Where do I even begin?” That was what you said, but you’d already continued without affording yourself any time to pause. “I want to be an orthopedic surgeon. I’m obsessed with anatomy and how our bodies function. That’s why I’ve been busting my ass for grad school.”

That much was obvious. Anybody that saw you on the party scene might’ve assumed you were merely another hopeless college student who only knew hooking up and getting shit-faced drunk, but Jaehyun’s first time seeing you was in the back of a library with a laptop and a heap of textbooks. 

You were a hard-worker and no hangover stood a chance between you and your goals. But you were also just a normal girl who wanted to let loose sometimes. It was the perfect balance. 

Jaehyun was a keen listener. “That sounds tough.”

You fought a groan. “God, yes. But it’s so worth it. It’s my senior year and I’ve been waiting my whole life for med school.”

“You’ve wanted to be a surgeon for that long?”

“I’ve always known who I wanted to be,” you exhaled contentedly. And for that you were endlessly grateful. “What about you?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “No. Not always. First, I guess I had to leave home and do the whole ‘finding yourself’ thing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s rare that people are born with an innate sense of who they are. We deserve to live life through trial and error. That’s freedom,” you said.

Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. Leaving home to explore his identity might’ve been the toughest decision he ever made, but also the best one. “What about love?”

“What about it?”

“Did you ever dream of that, too?”

You should’ve figured he would go there. It was the essential question. The world of trauma beyond your control. “I used to,” you admitted, somber. “I just haven’t had a ton of faith in it lately. That’s what happens when you grow up, I think. You realize life’s not like the movies.”

Funny how I call you a hopeless romantic when hopeless romantics are anything but hopeless. In spite of the pain and the betrayal, they refuse to accept that they might die alone one day. If anything, I’m the hopeless one. I’ve fallen in love with the one boy I could never make mine. 

Jaehyun frowned for a split second, but recovered quickly. “Yeah, I know.”

You wondered who had hurt him, but chose not to ask. If he wanted to tell you, then he already would’ve. 

“You didn’t ask me,” Jaehyun started. 

You glanced up at him. 

“About my pain,” he continued shortly. “About her.”

“I didn’t think you were ready.”

“Do you want to know?”

“I mean, yeah. Of course, I want to know who hurt you and how that made you who you are. I want to understand you. But only as much as you want me to,” you told him. The truth was that as curious as you were, you were afraid of overstepping. The same way that Jaehyun was terrified of oversharing. 

He replied with total certainty, “I want you to know.”

You swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat and unsure why. It was his deep, dark secrets being revealed, not yours. Plus you were positive there wasn’t a single person in the county who didn’t know your history with your one and only ex. “Okay. Take your time.”

Jaehyun heaved a shaky breath, preparing himself to share something that he’d never specifically told anyone. “Back home in Seoul, I dated a girl. I was naive and I thought she was the one. But she wasn’t. She only wanted a guy handsome enough to impress her parents.”

You maintained eye contact to let Jaehyun know you were listening. 

Jaehyun continued, “I guess we had different desires in life. She wanted a boy to show off and I wanted a girl who was my best friend at the foundation. We only talked about surface things. I couldn’t be myself around her.”

You nodded. That sounded like the Jaehyun you knew. 

“Then, I found out she was cheating on me,” Jaehyun added calmly, but he still recalled the trembles of anger that wrecked through his body. “And I left her then and there. I dipped. I might’ve been a naive idiot, but I knew my worth. She was my first and my last.”

You were shocked. That you shared the same pain - an unfaithful partner - and that Jaehyun hadn’t had nearly as many other partners as you thought he would’ve. “You’ve only dated once?”

“For me, once was enough to figure out what I wanted in a relationship, and it wasn’t a girl who I could barely trust or be myself with,” Jaehyun said. “I talked to other girls, but like I said before, nothing lasted, and I’ve obviously hooked up.”

Ironically, I’ve been hurt more by girls I never had than a girl that was supposed to belong to me. 

“I harbored resentment for a long time, but what lasted longer was the leftover fear of trusting someone again. I only let people see what I want them to see. And because of that, I’m a little lonely sometimes, but it’s okay.”

“Does it get sad?” you asked quietly. 

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe, but it’s better than being heartbroken. Anyways, I’ve gotten better about inviting people into my life and having good judgment. Time makes it easier.”

You make it easier, was what he meant, but Jaehyun wasn’t that bold yet. He might have been the one to approach you and attempt to initiate this private affair, but you sticking around was the last thing he expected. And that opened the door for the possibility that relationships didn’t have expiration dates. 

Reading between the lines, you were hoping that somewhere along them he wasn’t hinting about a potential future with you. Jaehyun’s head was in the clouds, but you were grounded below the surface. Because you had already resigned yourself to the fact that you didn’t have a future together.

But of course, that never stopped you from letting him undress you. 

You were hyper aware of Jaehyun’s eyes staring into yours and it was beginning to unnerve you a little. “Is there hot cocoa on my face?”

Jaehyun shook his head with a cute laugh and finally leaned into you for a kiss, obviously done speaking and prepared to show. You let him take you down onto the couch, laid defenseless beneath him, on the edge of surrender. 

You giggled into his lips, pleased at how silly it was that he tasted like the hot drink you’d shared. Your hands were wound through his hair and tugging him closer to you, wanting to be inseparable. You wouldn’t be sated till his soul was tied to yours. 

When it came to your body, you were more than inclined to let Jaehyun dominate you. But your heart was more than you had bargained for. 

Jaehyun yanked at the waistband of your sweatpants and you swore you could sense your heart swelling with the exhilaration of getting laid by the only guy you wanted. You raised your hips, letting him take them and your underwear from underneath you. 

You gasped loudly when his fingers ghosted along the insides of your thighs and unhurriedly traveled to your core, which was throbbing at the barest of touches. Jaehyun made you ache. Your body neglected every thought that didn’t concern him when it longed for him to use it until you were sore. 

Jaehyun sucked a slick pair of fingers into his mouth fleetingly before inserting them inside your pussy, making you verbally respond to the contact with a soft whimper, and stole the sound right from your lips with a hot wet kiss. You only tightened around his digits when he pressed his lips to you and it made his head spin quicker than ever. 

You pulled back and panted, “So, you won’t let me sleep on the couch, but you’ll fuck me on it?”

“It’s seen worse days,” Jaehyun said, muting the sound of his own chuckle when he pressed his mouth to your neck. 

You were torn between a laugh and a moan and the final sound was a breathy whimper of Jaehyun’s name. His mouth felt too good on your neck and you couldn’t forget his hands between your parted legs. Gentleman in the streets, but a beast in the sheets. 

Jaehyun was touching you impatiently. Your exhales were loud and jagged when he pulled back from your stained throat, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but imagine the noises you would make when he was finally seated deeply inside of your pussy that was clenching around his long slender digits. 

Deciding you were wet enough to take his cock, Jaehyun recouped his hand from between your thighs and asked, “You ready for me, baby?”

“More than,” you whispered, disgruntled with the emptiness but consoled by the knowledge that you would be full of him momentarily. 

Jaehyun stepped out of his clothes without hesitation and got a hold of your naked legs, dragging you toward him and leaving no room for empty space. The two of you locked eyes when he finally started to penetrate you and he looked at you with need. But you glanced away. You couldn’t stare into his soul as he captured yours. You couldn’t do it. 

You moaned when he pushed the head of his cock through your entrance and again when it went as deeply as it could enter. The stretch was so mad, but so good. You never knew how closely the pain could be interlocked to pleasure before Jaehyun took you for a spin on his big cock.

Jaehyun pulled out with a disgruntled groan, stealing the pleasure before you could really soak in the sensation. 

You winced your eyes open and asked confusedly, “Why did you do that?”

“I forgot a condom,” Jaehyun admitted bashfully, a timid little glint in his stare. 

“Gee, you sure chose a fantastic time to remember,” you deadpanned. 

Jaehyun looked like he was a little ashamed and it amused the hell out of you. In the heat of your vice-like cunt, he’d lost track of all thoughts other than getting his cock inside. 

You gawked when he stood and you caught an eyeful of his cute butt when he turned for the stairs. “Where are you going?”

Like it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, Jaehyun replied nonchalantly, “To get a condom.”

“Sit your cute ass down,” you told him a bit too assertively. “You can have me raw.” 

Jaehyun looked like his brain short-circuited. “For real?”

You nodded. “Yes, for real, you dummy. Just pull out.”

Jaehyun combed his fingers through his hair and groaned, “That’s one hell of a responsibility, woman.”

You purred teasingly, “Are you scared you won’t be able to do it, or are you scared that you’ll bust too fast?”

Jaehyun’s eyes fell to your gorgeous, spread legs, thickly swallowing the lump in his throat at the mouth-watering sight of you laid bare and exposed as you waited for him to take you. Fuck. Maybe both.

You snickered to yourself. Unbeknownst to Jaehyun, you were on birth control. And you had no intention of telling him right now. You wanted to gauge his restraint. 

Jaehyun didn’t reply, but he did return to the couch to slip between your folds again, and that was even better. Your pussy throbbed tirelessly, missing the way his thick cock stretched you out, and it drew deep grunts from the very back edge of Jaehyun’s throat. 

You could feel every inch of him pressed deep inside your pulsing walls, flush against you. All of him. There was literally nothing to separate the two of you, exactly as you had wanted, only the heat and tightness of your cunt suffocating his cock relentlessly. 

Jaehyun loved how you took him like a fucking champ. You sucked his cock back in like you needed it, like you needed him just as badly as he needed you. Your eyes winced closed and your lips parted as you sang his name in a shrill whimper. 

You were rapt with ecstasy at his long, deep thrusts that took you to the moon. The pain and guilty thoughts disappeared into his slow yet steady rhythm, as if Jaehyun wanted to make sure you could feel every bit of himself that he had to offer. 

Like he was making love to you.

“You’re so beautiful. I’m in love with your body,” Jaehyun whispered gently into your ear, hooked on you.

You moaned, oblivious to the fact that he really meant he was in love with you. When your naked bodies were bursting with heat and satisfaction, meeting each other in a wet collision, all else ceased to matter. 

Jaehyun kissed you again. You swore he stole the pulse right from your chest in that very moment, your heart open to him. His hands were everywhere, tenderly cupping your breasts and thumbing your stiff nipples. This was pleasure. This was elysian. This was all yours.

You were breathless when the two of you separated and the minutes of your lips tangled together felt like mere seconds. God, Jaehyun made you insatiable. As you did to him. The two of you couldn’t get enough, not of the sex and not of each other. It was lethally dangerous to want something as badly as you both wanted one another. 

But you knew that when you laid eyes on him, when you indulged him. You knew that he was endless trouble and yet you crept into his arms anyway like a moth to the flame. 

“God, fuck,” you rasped, throat hoarse from how you were screeching his name. “You make me feel so good.”

Jaehyun was so gentle and affectionate with you, tickling kisses down every bit of your soft skin his lips could access. It was times like these, when he completed you perfectly, where you welcomed the thought that you were made for each other. And only for each other. 

Your mouth was dry, open with every halfway cry of Jaehyun’s name that you could manage. Your skin was damp and sticky with moisture, a thin layer of sweat keeping his skin adhering to yours. Of course, there was a similar glistening sheen dripping down Jaehyun, beading at his forehead and neck. 

It made you lick your chapped lips. This man was abundantly mouth-watering. You wanted to give him anything he wanted and in this sex-induced haze, you knew that you would have. 

Jaehyun noticed your eyes fixated on literally anywhere but his face and it made him chuckle smugly. He craned his head downwards to nibble beneath your ear and groan praises about how perfect and tight you were around his cock. 

You tangled your hands in his hair again, desperate to ground yourself, before sitting them at his handsome broad shoulders. He had no business being this good at touching and fucking you. You were downright ashamed of the noises that left your lips but made no attempts to block the pleasure causing them to slip into the dense air. 

“Like that. Fuck, I’m gonna cum, Jay,” you whimpered, squeezing his shoulders. 

The thought of you releasing around his bare cock made a shudder shoot through Jaehyun and he almost couldn’t take it. You sensed his pace getting a little rougher, as if he was out to get you. Out to finish you. “Look at me,” he growled. 

You did. You didn’t have any other options. Not when it was him bleeding you dry, making your body dependent on his touches.

Looking into his dark eyes, everything stopped. The whole world was set on pause. You almost couldn’t breathe. This was how it felt to fall with no anchor.

“I want you to cum on my cock,” Jaehyun said lowly, rutting into you at a dangerous pace. 

You nodded. You were completely submissive to his desires.

There was a throbbing pressure in your gut that only got harsher with every wet smack of Jaehyun’s hips into yours. You wound your legs around his waist and pulled him into you, wanting to fuse together your limbs. 

Your body felt as if it were on fire. The sweat cooling down your neck, the lack of oxygen in the air. The breaths Jaehyun snatched plain from your lips. It was more than enough to take you out. 

Jaehyun watched as your orgasm finally seized you in its open arms, taking you by surprise. Your abs tensed viciously and you arched into Jaehyun with pleasure, sensing your eyes roll to the very back of your head and your toes curl into taut knots. 

You were still sensitive from your climax but Jaehyun’s pace was absolutely unforgiving, rutting into you mercilessly through your release. The tightness of your pussy drew a thick groan out of his mouth, but he still wasn’t done with you yet. And you were very keen on letting him use your body until he finished. 

Jaehyun relented when you finally started to calm down after coming undone, kissing your cheeks and the corner of your lips as you went almost entirely slack. The only motion in you was the aggressive heave of your chest as you panted for breath. 

You let Jaehyun thrust in and out of you, fighting the overstimulation for his sake. You were content to feel him brushing against your slick walls and hear those breathy grunts. 

Smoothing your hands up and down his burly arms, you whispered, “Jay, baby, keep going. I don’t care how long it takes. Fuck me until you’re done.”

Jaehyun bit his lip to veil a pathetic moan at those words. After he took care of your needs, you were letting him ply you for his own pleasure. You were his vice, his ruining. Your fingers grazed across his back, gathering the droplets of moisture that were beading at the surface. 

You could feel how hot his skin was, burning up in the heat of you. 

Abruptly, Jaehyun pulled out of you and tore you upright, holding his desperate cock in the palm of his hand as he groaned, “Get on your knees.” 

You obeyed without hesitation, meek. Crawling onto the carpet floor, you took him in your palms and stroked his thick girthy cock gingerly, careful not to be too rough. He was victimless in your warm hands, needy and at your mercy, leaving you with total control. 

Then it was game over for Jaehyun when you finally took him between your soft lips, gently easing him to the back of your throat. God, it was a struggle to fit his big cock completely into your mouth, but you somehow managed. You kept your cheeks hollowed, opening them for him to thrust. 

“Fuck,” Jaehyun moaned, head thrown back and eyes winced closed. You knew exactly what needed to be done to finish him off. 

You liked playing with his cock, obviously, but you loved having it in your mouth way more. There was nothing like driving Jaehyun to the cusp of insanity, teasing him with your tongue and hot mouth, plucking those beautiful sounds out of his lips. He lost himself whenever he was inside your throat. 

Jaehyun was in total bliss. Your mouth was no less impressive than your sheathlike cunt for all he knew, your lips wrapping around his stiff cock feverishly without a doubt in your mind that you could make him lose his own, and he almost didn’t want to orgasm yet. He only knew you, and what you did to him. And he was too greedy to want it to end. 

You had this boy all to yourself, wrapped tightly around your fingers with nowhere to hide. And you didn’t have the slightest clue what to do with him, or yourself. 

Aside from pleasuring each other in bed, or on the couch in this case. You were exceptionally gifted at getting him off.

Jaehyun could feel himself approaching the threshold of release and he did everything in his power to fight it off, to keep it at bay, but it was basically useless. He couldn’t even help but fuck your mouth. You were working him too good and he was coming whether he liked it or not. 

You were impressed that he had even lasted this long. Normally, when you let a guy hit it raw, they could barely resist emptying their load into you at the peak of climax. 

Jaehyun ultimately couldn’t control himself anymore and his jaw slacked with a deep, lethal groan as his hips came to a total standstill, painting the back of your throat with a streak of cum. Fuck, it was the sexiest noise you’d ever heard, and it aroused a throbbing between your legs. 

You managed to gulp him down and it was the hottest thing Jaehyun had ever seen watching you swallow his cum like that. He pulled back, a misty gleam in his dark soulless eyes as he collapsed onto the couch, breathless. There was a layer of dew at your lashes and you dabbed at your eyes to wipe them clear. 

Jaehyun looked like he’d just had the ground ripped from underneath him. “You just blew my mind,” he said through jagged breaths. 

You didn’t miss a beat. “I just blew you.”

Jaehyun laughed, shaking the hair out of his face. 

After both of you found your clothes and redressed yourselves, you decided to mention slyly, “By the way, I’m on birth control.”

Jaehyun’s mouth gaped open. “Are you serious? I was scared you might get pregnant.”

“That didn’t stop you from fucking me though, now did it?” you replied, crossing your arms. 

“I wasn’t that scared.”

You snickered. This idiot was a man you wanted to protect with your life, but you knew that you lacked the arsenal. “Besides, at least our baby would’ve had the world’s finest father.”

“And the world’s finest mother. They would’ve been beautiful,” Jaehyun flirted. 

Your cheeks flushed with heat at the compliment and his obvious flirtatious behavior. “I meant that you would’ve been a good dad, but sure. That works too.”

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered in shock. “Why do you think that?”

You shrugged, not thinking too hard about it. You didn’t need to when the answer was right at the tip of your tongue. “Because love itself is your passion. You’re selfless, patient. Protective. And you fight for what you love.”

Jaehyun said nothing. He was mulling over your confession, suspiciously quiet the whole time, but you were so tired that you hardly noticed. Your body was spent and you wanted to go upstairs and climb into his bed. 

You stretched your arms over your head and stood to collect the cocoa-stained dishes in your arms. Jaehyun blinked at the action, and would’ve stopped you to do it himself, but you were already halfway to the kitchen by the time he noticed. 

Jaehyun walked over and pressed himself behind you, draping his arms around your hips and resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggled, enamored with how it felt to be skin-to-skin with him, and when you finished with the two mugs, he reached over your head to set them down in the cabinets. 

You dragged Jaehyun upstairs by his arm to his own bedroom and slipped beneath his silk sheets, but invited him to drape himself above you and rest his head on your chest like you were his fluffy pillow and he was the thick, cozy blankets. 

It was comfortable that way. You liked Jaehyun’s weight on you, so close to you, crushed beneath the pressure. His arms would tangle around you and leave you little room to escape. But you wouldn’t want to leave. 

That was how you woke up sometimes. You used to be afraid that you’d accidentally rouse him and disturb his beauty slumber, but Jaehyun always slept like a ton of bricks. This boy could probably sleep through a hurricane and wake up wondering what happened to his roof. 

You sighed, whisking your fingers through his dark hair and staring at his face. You expected his eyes to be closed when you looked at him, but they were watching you. The ache in your chest was unignorable, unbearable. 

Those long nights and shorter mornings with Jaehyun were all you had, but you wanted something of permanence and you were finally admitting it to yourself. You knew these moments couldn’t last forever and didn’t attempt to deny it, but you were hoping and wishing. 

Smoothing your thumb down Jaehyun’s cheek, you felt a piece of your heart crumble. I can’t have you and I don’t even know why. 

“Jay?” you whispered. 

“Hm?”

You hesitated, brimming with reluctance. A few months ago, you would’ve thought it wasn’t your place to ask, but dammit Johnny was your brother and Jaehyun… meant something to you. This was officially your business. “Why does my brother hate you?” you asked. 

Jaehyun sat up abruptly, surprised. You matched the shock in his eyes, startled by his sudden movements. “You don’t know?”

You shook your head. “No. Johnny never told me. I assumed he would when he was ready, but it’s killing me and I need to know.” Because I can’t make sense of why we can’t be together, but ironically, it makes it easier to justify being here with you right now.

Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, looking particularly perturbed. No wonder it was so easy for you to climb into bed with him. Night after night, weekend after weekend. 

You were almost afraid to ask, “Is this going to change my perspective on you?”

“It shouldn’t if you believe me,” Jaehyun said, but the truth was that he wasn’t too confident that you’d take his side. 

You peered up at him expectantly, resting your hand on his back while he sat beside you. You were partly terrified to know the truth, watching him nervously, but god, you were exhausted of being kept in the dark. 

Jaehyun exhaled deeply. He didn’t want to lose you, not before he truly had you, but he knew what he was, and more importantly, he knew what he wasn’t. “You knew Mike, right?”

You bobbed your head, lips parting in surprise at the mention of Johnny’s friend, but let him continue. 

Jaehyun explained, “I’m sure you know, but he was addicted to drugs and it was fucking up his whole life. I tried to help him get clean before he fucked around and killed himself. And he was, I think. That’s what he said.”

You recognized this story. Johnny had said something similar, but it was about his own efforts. You somehow never realized that Jaehyun and Mike were friends. “But?”

“But then he wasn’t clean anymore,” Jaehyun said in the tiniest voice ever. “Last year, at one of Xiaojun’s parties. It came out of nowhere. He overdosed on fent and coke.”

You knew that too. And you hated that Mike was gone so soon, taken by a poison he couldn’t stop once he’d gotten his hands on it. It was heartbreaking. 

“Then some people started to say that I did it, that I gave him the drugs. And I was at the party only a room away when he OD’d, but I swear to god it wasn’t me. But they ran with it anyway.”

You frowned, pausing your hands’ consolations at his back in shock. It was starting to add up now, why Johnny hated Jaehyun. Because he thought he was complicit in the death of one of his closest friends. 

That was when he started to become a tad too overprotective of you and it didn’t take a genius to piece together why, but you never knew it was the reason he loathed Jaehyun and didn’t want you anywhere near him. There were so many nights where you went to parties at Jaehyun’s house and Johnny would ask if you’d done any drugs. 

Because of Jaehyun. 

“God, to this day, I want to punch the bastard that gave Mike that stuff. And if I knew who he was, I’d kick his ass. So, I can understand why Johnny wants to kick mine. But it wasn’t me,” Jaehyun said, sounding broken. 

You blinked, taking it all in silently. You were at a crossroads. 

Though he was hesitant, Jaehyun glanced into your eyes, unsure of what your silence meant. It was killing him. “Please tell me you believe me.”

“I believe you,” you said, because you did. You had no reason to doubt Jaehyun. Plus you hadn’t known him to press his luck with anything other than weed in the time that you’d known each other. 

“Thank god,” Jaehyun sighed in relief. “Does this change things between us?”

You shook your head. “No. I thought you were a good guy before and I still think you’re a good guy now. Nothing is new.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

Jaehyun rested his head on your shoulder and mumbled with obvious melancholy, “Trusting me.”

You laced your fingers through Jaehyun’s, squeezing his hand. “I’ll always trust you.”

That warmed Jaehyun’s heart and he sat there wondering what he had done to deserve you. It felt like there was a burden lifted from his shoulders. 

The day went on, bleeding into night. You expected Jaehyun to want to go somewhere to celebrate his birthday, but he reassured you that he was more than content to spend it indoors with you.

Still, it made you a little sad and you tried your best to cloak your gloomy emotions with your affections. You didn’t want Jaehyun to know, but you were thinking about how nice it would’ve been to do something as simple as go out together. 

Reasonably, you were shocked when Jaehyun said, “I want to try out this Japanese restaurant with you next weekend.”

You blinked. “You want to go out… with me?” you asked, making sure you weren’t mistaken. 

Jaehyun nodded, enthusiastic. “Is that a bad idea?”

“What if we get caught together?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Of course it is. You don’t have anything to lose,” you said, but your tone was humorous.

Jaehyun replied without hesitation, “I have you to lose.”

You were sold. Those five words were all you needed to hear.

There was a ginormous beaming smile on your face when you both finally decided to call it a night and you fell asleep with a certain soreness in your cheeks. 

Jaehyun stayed up a little later than you had. Not on purpose, but it was impossible to rest his eyes when he was distracted by your sleep patterns. Your soft snores and the way your hand curled over his stomach. 

It was the sheer opposite of annoying. It was intoxicating. 

He was the one clinging to you when you roused from bed after sunrise. You felt bad for slipping away like a thief in the night, but in your defense, it was daytime and you had to be in your professor’s classroom for attendance. 

After washing up and tossing on a spare outfit you had in Jaehyun’s room for events like these, you scribbled an apologetic note that he would surely find on his nightstand and quietly crept downstairs with a sadness weighing on you now that you had to leave. 

And surely enough, Jaehyun woke up to the note and smiled like a dumbass when he rubbed his eyes and read it to himself. 

Good morning, sleeping handsome. I’m gonna miss you today, but I have an early afternoon class that I have to pass to graduate. You sleep like deadweight, by the way. I had to fight out of your arms and you didn’t notice. See you next weekend. Call me. 

Jaehyun crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower, but he could tell that you’d obviously already taken one with a single simple glance, and he was wishing you had invited him to join you. 

Now he sounded like a guy. Which was fair, because he was one. 

You raced home after class ended. Though you had more than enough exams that it would’ve been a good idea to study for, the main thing on your mind was plugging in the flash drive Jaehyun had gifted you, because you still were dying to know what was on it. 

It was safe to say that a song was the last thing you were expecting. 

You froze on your bed, unsure of how to feel. Everything hit you hard. The wistful yet romantic lyrics, the softness of his voice. Jaehyun was pouring his heart out to you, opening up to you about his feelings the best way he knew how. 

There was a ripple of emotions bursting through you. The lyrics were a little too sentimental for you to attempt to convince yourself that this wasn’t Jaehyun’s idea of a love confession. Maybe you’d known all along, but you didn’t want to accept it, because you knew that it wasn’t written in the stars. 

Now you had no choice. 

You sat there and cried. God, it was a beautiful song and that only made the tears drip even harder. You were bemused and overwhelmed. Bemused that he had obviously taken a lot of time out of his busy life to sit there and record a song for you, and overwhelmed by everything else. 

Jaehyun loves me. Jaehyun really loves me, you thought, admitting it to yourself. And it scared you to death, because you loved him too. 

Then the day came for you to hang out at the restaurant. It was the first time you and Jaehyun actually spent time together outside of his house. The meetup on the bridge and the incident at Jeno’s house didn’t count. Those were merely instances you’d happened to cross paths. 

When Jaehyun came up behind you in a back hug while you were waiting for him (you were embarrassingly early), you didn’t jolt or startle, relaxing into his touch without sparing him a glance first. Nobody else would be wearing his sexy ass cologne. 

You didn’t mention the song or acknowledge the obvious romantic tension between you at all, much to Jaehyun’s disappointment. But he knew you definitely took the flash drive back home. It wasn’t on the coffee table when he went downstairs, meaning you had grabbed it on your way out.   

He couldn’t help but wonder if you had listened to it and vividly pictured your reaction, but Jaehyun knew it would be pointless obsessing over the thought if he wasn’t going to ask. 

The truth was that you were conflicted. Your heart wanted Jaehyun, but you were rational and knew it was ridiculous. There was no point in setting yourselves up for more useless heartbreak. 

But you had fun with Jaehyun in that restaurant. You didn’t want to admit it, but it was the closest thing to a date you would ever have with him. You talked and held hands underneath the table like the pair of lovers you hoped you were in another life. 

Your insatiable lovesick heart was aching for more. And the worst part was that Jaehyun was oftentimes right there in your arms but had never felt further. 

It wasn’t until you were unfortunately back home and walking through the front door that you read aloud the text you’d received from Johnny. We need to talk. I’ll be home in an hour. “Well, that cannot be good,” you mumbled to yourself. 

“It isn’t.”

You jolted in alarm. You didn’t know Johnny was home, though it had most definitely been well over an hour. Jaehyun was too interesting for you to even think about touching your phone once. 

Given the familiar less than content glare on Johnny’s face, you fought a groan, wondering what you could’ve possibly done now when you’d been on your best behavior lately. You lilted in the usual tone you used when you wanted to get out of trouble, “Hi, my handsome big brother that I love dearly.”

Johnny, obviously not in the mood, snapped, “Taeyong saw you with Jaehyun today. You wanna explain that to me?”

That was the last thing you expected him to say and the shock was plain on your face. “What?”

Johnny shook his head, unsurprised that you were acting clueless, and though he was furious he tried not to raise his voice. “Don’t play dumb. Are you dating him - fucking him?”

“I’m not dating him, we’re just…,” you trailed in frustration, realizing that you’d been caught. “Shit, yeah. I’ve fucked him and we’re hanging out.”

Johnny blew out a long, exasperated sigh. “I can’t believe this. God, my own sister.”

Tears threatened. At this point, you were desperate. Your whole world was crashing down without warning. You wished you would’ve at least seen the text and braced yourself. “Johnny, please. If you gave him a chance, I think you two would really like each other!”

“I could never like him,” Johnny replied viciously, face tensing in fury as if the suggestion was an affront to his entire existence.  

You approached Johnny, somehow mustering the courage to come near him. “Please listen to me, alright? He didn’t do it, Johnny. It wasn’t him!”

Johnny gawked. He couldn’t believe you were defending Jaehyun and took a gigantic step back, wanting to be nowhere near you. He hissed, “Of course that’s what the bastard told you. Did he give you proof?”

Frantic, you shook your head, and it came to you that you only had trust to back Jaehyun’s claims. “No, but...”

Johnny grabbed his keys and interjected, “Stop. Just stop. I don’t even want to see your face right now.”

Your lips were agape when Johnny stormed towards the garage, full of purebred rage and disappointment. 

After a few minutes, the shock started to dull away and you temporarily regained the ability to function, racing upstairs to your bedroom to be inert. You hated the brutal sting splitting you in half. While your thoughts were on pause and you were consumed by emptiness, it was the one thing keeping you from dissociating. 

Sitting there on your bed, knees pressed to your chest and your arms curled around yourself, you couldn’t even cry. It would come, but right now you were trying to process the pain. And in the meantime, you realized what needed to be done.

Two long days later, you were meeting Jaehyun at the bridge one final time. It took nearly forty-eight hours of gathering the courage to pick up your phone, but you had to let him know it was over. That this was goodbye. 

You ran your fingers across the wooden overlook, taking in nature, but even the peaceful noise of your surroundings failed to soothe your heartbreak. 

The sound of tentative footsteps barely drew you from your own head, and you didn’t want to face your visitor. You knew it was Jaehyun. For more reasons than one. 

Though you couldn’t see, Jaehyun had his hands in his pockets. “Am I late?”

“No, you’re perfectly on time. I got here early. I needed time to think,” you replied with a fleeting glance at your watch. 

Jaehyun watched you with unease, a perturbed thud in his heart making it challenging to breathe. This was bad, he knew, and for whatever reason, that fear that he was doomed was unshakable. “What happened?”

“Johnny knows,” you began, finally whipping around. It was the least you could do, knowing you had to break his heart. “Taeyong saw us together. He snitched. Now Johnny wants nothing to do with me.”

Jaehyun’s heart sank. No wonder you hadn’t texted or called him in two days. Aside from inviting him here, that is. “What now?”

“I can’t see you anymore. Johnny already hates me now. If I keep seeing you behind his back, I won’t have a brother anymore. I can’t live with that guilt. That’s why I’ve been running from it for months,” you said quietly. 

Jaehyun stiffened, like a boulder. “We’re giving up? That’s insane! Don’t let him stop us from being together.”

You recoiled, surprised. “Are you asking me to choose you over my brother?”

“No, of course not,” Jaehyun sighed, combing his hands through his hands as he searched for the right words. 

You desperately wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. “You should be with someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone you can hold and kiss outside without any worries. I can’t give you that, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun shook his head. “None of that matters to me. I want to be with you. I don’t care what compromises I have to make.”

“Well, I do,” you whispered sullenly, reminding yourself of everything you had to lose. “It was never going to work. You had to know this. We aren’t Shakespeare characters. Hell, even they don’t get to be happy!”

Jaehyun’s chest was taut with pain. It was usually him that had to tell people the brutal reality of unfortunate situations. And this was how it felt to be on the other side?

Fighting the oncoming threat of tears, you continued, “I’ve enjoyed these past months with you and we’ve made special, unforgettable memories together. But enough is enough. We were gonna have to face the truth one day, and that day is today. It was inevitable. I hope that somehow we can still be friends.”

Jaehyun spat, “I don’t want to be just friends. I can’t be just friends with you. Why don’t you understand that?”

Oh, you did. You really, really did. This was hurting you in ways unimaginable and nothing could’ve prepared you for the moment where you had to set Jaehyun free. 

Not even knowing this day would come. 

“I love you,” Jaehyun confessed for the first time, taking some steps closer to you. The gleam in his eyes killed you. 

Those words were like ice in your veins. Your heart stopped beating. For half a minute, the whole world ceased. You shook your head, sensing a vicious pain returning to you. “You can’t love me.”

Jaehyun switched on a dime and hissed, “You can’t tell me how to feel.”

Denial still crept through your blood. Apparently, it was one of your many talents. Jaehyun’s too. “You’re in love with the idea of me. You just want somebody to love again and maybe I made you realize that, but you don’t love me.”

Jaehyun was trembling. You were trying to diagnose him and he wouldn’t stand for it. “Saying that doesn’t make it true.”

You were defiant. You needed it to be true. There had to be some way to get him to let you go and move on. You didn’t want to resort to cruel methods, but you would if you were rendered optionless. 

Jaehyun continued, “You did make me realize that I wanted love again. But I also realized that I could have it all in you.”

Finally pushed past your limits, you shattered and screamed, “Goddammit, Jaehyun - you can’t have me!”

You turned away, hoping he would let you leave. You didn’t want things to end on even worse terms than they already were. 

But you should’ve known Jaehyun would be relentless. He was a fighter. You were what he wanted, what he loved, and he’d damned if he surrendered without a fight. “So, that’s it? You’re just going to walk away?” 

You rooted in place and exhaled loudly, bristling with frustration. “The fuck do you want me to do, Jay? It’s out of my hands.”

“Talk to Johnny - you know that I didn’t do anything!”

“No, I don’t know anything,” you grumbled, crossing your arms tightly. 

That stunned Jaehyun. You didn’t trust him anymore?

Jaehyun laughed, but it was humorless. Needless to say, he was pissed. “Wow. You gave up the fight before it started, before it was over. You never gave us a chance.”

You walked away. You didn’t have the strength. 

Jaehyun kept prodding. You were unbelievable and he couldn’t stand you right now. “I bet this isn’t just about Johnny. I bet him being your brother is just a cop-out so that you don’t have to trust another guy again.”

Now that stung deep. He was hitting you where it hurt, making sure you understood how badly you had wounded him, and you realized there was a chance he was right and you hadn’t even considered it. You whipped around, snapping, “Fuck you. I wish I never met you.”

Jaehyun watched you disappear behind the thick branches, simmering where he stood. God, he resented the fuck out of you right now. You were accepting defeat, throwing in the towel, and he hated you because of it. 

The seemingly endless months of ignorant bliss were washed down the drain all because you didn’t want to be a little more optimistic. You could’ve had it all together, had you not resigned yourself to being unhappy. You were so hell-bent on being realistic that you closed the door on other possibilities. 

Almost the second you burst through the front door, your tears fell after what felt like an eternity of fighting them back. Johnny and your parents turned to face you with alarm when you paraded through the living room, but you ignored your mother’s questions and made a beeline for your bed. 

Johnny didn’t ask. He already knew, and he was only somewhat satisfied that you had done what should’ve never needed to happen in the first place. 

The days of the week started to bleed into each other. You didn’t talk to Jaehyun for obvious reasons. Johnny, the man whose shoulders you thought would always be there for you to lean on, was ironically giving you the cold shoulder. And  Mark wouldn’t understand even if you explained, though you knew he was available. 

Never had you felt so alone. You had no one to escape to. No one who could comprehend or justify the moral dilemma you forced yourself into. I’ve truly outdone myself. I’ve betrayed my brother, baffled my best friend, and lost my lover back to back. That has to be a world record. 

Seven days marked the longest time you had gone without speaking with Jaehyun since the onset of this private love affair. He didn’t call or text you either, which was understandable. Plus it was what you wanted, or at least that was what you used to think. 

You weren’t sure anymore. Cutting him off was the whole purpose of meeting him, but why did it make you feel so isolated?

It wasn’t that long ago that you did it because you thought it was the right choice, or maybe because you thought it would make things better. But it hadn’t. Now that you had effectively shielded yourself from the universe, you were less free and more lonely. 

And time continued to fly by, days of leaving the house only to attend class and coming back to your room only to collapse into sorrow. 

Johnny felt bad. At night, there were a couple of times where he hovered near your door and heard you sobbing, but he was too petty and spiteful to knock or check up on you. You had stung him too. 

The difference was that when Mike died, you did everything in your power to console Johnny. You gave him the space he needed, of course, but you opened the door for him to talk to you if he wanted and lent him a shoulder to cry on. You bought all his favorite snacks and encouraged him to go outside, even if it was just the backyard. 

Now, you were suffering your own loss, one of many but in a different manner. It wasn’t like you were a bereaved wife, but the agony wasn’t any less excruciating. 

Mark came over whenever he had the extra time to spare every week to check up on you, reminding you that you weren’t as alone as you thought you were, but you still didn’t want to confide in him about your emotions. You were afraid he would unintentionally make you feel more stupid. 

You were a little verklempt. Maybe more than. They said time was the healer of all wounds, but with every week spent without Jaehyun’s familiar musk in the air and dreamy voice in your ear, you felt less and less whole.   

What could you have done to keep him close to you, even if it was just for a little while longer? Maybe if you hadn’t ended on such cold, distant terms, moving on would be easier and you would be happier. You could’ve contentedly looked back on the memories of your last time together knowing you had done everything in your control to make it better. 

But you were worried that that was false. You were worried that Jaehyun was right and this ending was premature. 

It doesn’t matter, premature or not. It was going to end either way. There’s no point in delaying the inevitable, you reassured yourself in what you once believed was aggressively honest consolation, but you were starting to question how you could be so certain. 

You told yourself that with the burden of your immoral secrets weighing you down, you and Jaehyun could’ve never been a pair. You knew it wouldn’t last forever. You’d always known. You didn’t expect things to make it this far, but dammit you didn’t expect to have your fun cut short so soon either. 

It wasn’t fair. 

Sometimes you dreamt of what it would be like to hold Jaehyun in your arms without worries, without stolen touches and kisses when nobody was paying attention. 

You sat in the nook at your window, curled up into yourself, thinking only about Jaehyun. If it wasn’t for the stupid secret that unraveled far too damn quickly, maybe none of this would’ve ever happened. Maybe I would have you, with nothing to lose. Nothing to fear.

Fuck, you should’ve been happy. Given how unlucky in love you were, you doubted that you were intended to ever be happy. You hadn’t smiled in an eternity. But Jaehyun made you feel your peak of happiness, as if you had never been more euphoric with anybody else. 

More than once, you had been in love, but never like how you were in love with Jaehyun. Why did things have to become so complicated for the both of us? Why did reality hit like a fucking freight train?

If only you never fell for Jaehyun, never even gave him the time of day, then you wouldn’t be hurting. Your heart was being tortured. 

It took another day of stumbling into the kitchen with dark eye bags after yet another sleepless night of sobbing into your pillows, and Johnny ignoring your existence altogether while he poured himself a mug of coffee, but it finally occurred to you that you couldn’t relive this agonizing cycle over and over. 

You were sick of the pain and the dread. The insufferably cold distance when his bedroom was right down the hall from yours. You were sick of sniveling until you had no more tears left to weep, until you felt totally empty. 

Something had to give. 

To your surprise, and luck, Mark called you a few minutes after you strolled back into your room wordlessly, devising a plan you loathed yourself for not thinking of earlier. “Hey, bestie. Talk to me,” he said. “How you feeling?”

“Like judgment day came early for me, I guess,” you mumbled into the phone, collapsing onto your sheets. 

Mark sighed roughly. “Damn. I was hoping you would feel a little better this week. Johnny said you’re the world’s biggest hermit and it’s kinda depressing.”

That shocked you to your core, but you tried to play it off. “Oh, Johnny’s been talking about me?”

“Well, yeah. I’ve obviously been checking up on the both of you on the regular, and neither of you really wanna open up to me, but Johnny has less of an issue talking about you. Man, he still cares. He’s your brother.”

Your heart was sore. You wished he would tell you that himself. In your own home, to your own brother, you felt like a stranger. 

Tears burned your eyes, but you fought them and lilted playfully, “Oh, my beloved bestie…”

Mark knew that tone and interjected, “Fuck.”

You fought a tiny laugh and continued, “Would you mind doing your best friend a teeny tiny little favor?”

The suggestion alone sounded like bad news and Mark was questioning what he was about to get himself into, because no matter what came out his mouth first, you were his best friend. Of course, he was going to tell you “yes.”

Mark huffed, “Jesus. Ease up on the mischief. Johnny still wants to beat my ass too, you know? He asked me if I knew you were boning Jaehyun and of course I couldn’t lie. I’m a man of God.”

Because you didn’t feel like disputing that statement, you ignored his speech entirely and asked knowingly, “Your dad’s a cop, isn’t he?”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

Your voice was maybe a little hopeful. “Is there a way that he can look into the investigation of Mike’s overdose?”

Mark knew exactly why you were asking and even he was ashamed he hadn’t thought of the little plan. There was a brief pause before he said, “I’ll call you back.” And then he hung up. 

You were a little tense sitting there on your bed waiting around for a phone call. Not because you were worried about Mark not doing it, which would be ridiculous because you both wanted what was best for Johnny. It was because you were scared of not having a solution.

Deciding it would be useless to sit around antsily, you took a well-deserved nap after a restless twenty-four hours of no sleep. It would only do you good. Even if Mark didn’t have the answers you wanted, your grades would thank you.

Sleep came easy. Though they weren’t Jaehyun’s, it was nice and peaceful bunched beneath your blankets. You flipped your pillow over to the side that wasn’t stained with tears and let darkness take the wheel. 

Johnny peeked inside your room after an hour or two, wanting to talk to you, but when he saw you comfortably snoozing in your bed and obliviously clinging onto a spare pillow for dear life, he backed away and shut the door. He knew you needed the rest. 

You jolted awake when your phone started to ring vehemently beside your head, cursing yourself for not turning on Do Not Disturb before immediately remembering why you didn’t, and quickly lifting the phone to answer gruffly, “Hello?”

“Good news,” Mark started, sounding suspiciously chipper. “I had my dad pull some strings. And you’re gonna wanna hear this.”

Sitting up, you exclaimed in an impatient whisper, “Well?”

“Jeong Jaehyun is not a suspect, for one. There were witnesses that confirmed him giving Mike his fix was impossible. But for two, the case reopened a few months ago and they’re literally about to bust the guy that did it. They’re waiting on a warrant. You’ve got great timing,” Mark said. 

You rubbed your eyes in disbelief. “What the hell?”

“Isn’t this good news?”

“Yeah, it is,” you whispered, too shocked to know how to feel. You didn’t think the stupid plan would really work. “Thank you, Mark.”

Mark was quick to reassure you, “You don’t need to thank me. You’re my best friend and Johnny is like my brother-in-law in some weird way. See, that sounds weird. Anyways, when do you plan on telling him?”

You laughed at his rambling, but hummed when you thought about his question. “Uh, would today be a bad time?”

“The sooner the better.”

You sighed in relief. Then, you donned the loveliest tone you could muster, and asked sweetly, “Will you come with me please? I think your presence will really help.”

Mark retorted, “Should I bring the entire police force too?”

You rolled your eyes and begged, “Come on, Mark. You’re my bestie and I need you. He’s more mad with me than he is with you and plus you have the benefit of a credible father.”

“I was already on my way,” Mark chirped, jiggling his keys loudly before hanging up. 

You giggled. What would you do without that boy? He was your ride or die. 

Fifteen minutes later, Mark was pulling into your driveway and hopping out of the car. You let him in, locking the door behind your best friend and embracing him in the biggest hug of his life. You needed the comfort to wean off your nerves. 

The last thing you expected was for Johnny to come trudging down the stairs within the very next minute. 

You released Mark, turning to your brother, and you and Johnny said in unison, “Hey, I really need to talk to you.”

Johnny blinked in surprise. It almost seemed like he was mirroring you. Mark snickered to himself, mumbling something about you two obviously being related, but Johnny was chill and said, “You can go first.”

You heaved a breath. It was a shock that Johnny deliberately chose to speak to you for the first time, presumably without the intervening influence of your parents’ rebuttal on your behalf. “I don’t know how to say this, but first I wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry for sneaking around with Jaehyun behind your back. It was a really shitty thing for me to do.”

Johnny nodded along, listening. 

“But I fell in love with him,” you said without hesitation. “And I’m not going to ask you to accept us or anything. That’s your choice. But I thought there was something you should know that’s bigger than Jaehyun and I.”

Johnny looked tense, but he encouraged you to go on. “Okay.”

It felt like the whole world was watching you with Johnny’s eyes carefully set on your face, but you didn’t let it stop you from continuing, “It really wasn’t him that gave Mike his supply, and yes we have proof. Mark’s dad not only confirmed it wasn’t him, but they’re working on getting him into custody.”

Mark nodded, standing right behind you. Like he was vouching for you the same way you’d vouched for him all these years. “It’s true, Johnny. It wasn’t Jaehyun. It was some random shady dealer that preys on addicts at these parties. He has a track record.”

Johnny’s eyes flickered. “It really wasn’t Jaehyun?”

Mark shook his head. “He’s innocent, dude.”

Johnny fell silent for a long time. You could see him stiffening, penitent. “I don’t know what to say,” he whispered. “I feel like shit now.”

You snorted. “Don’t do that to yourself. Please. I’ve felt like shit enough these past few weeks for the both of us.”

“About that,” Johnny began, getting whiplash. The look on his face was gentle, remorseful, and he hated himself for being anything else to his sister. To the last person that deserved his misplaced frustration. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for freezing you out.”

“Johnny…,” you trailed. 

Johnny shook his head. He needed you to let him say this. “I know you’ve had a rough few weeks, and though I haven’t exactly been pleased with you, you’re still my sister. The least I could’ve done was ask you ‘how are you doing?’ but I couldn’t even be bothered.”

You sighed loudly. That was true. And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t rub salt in the wounds. 

“I haven’t done a good job at showing it, but I care for you. You’re my only sibling and let’s be honest, I don’t think I’ll be getting another one,” Johnny said lightheartedly. 

You snickered. Damn right. You knew your parents would vehemently agree if they were here. They couldn’t be happier that all of their kids were adults. Well, maybe if you moved out. 

Johnny breathed in some air. A lot of mistakes had obviously been made on both parts and he was ready to put it all behind him. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I forgot to do what was more important. Be your brother. And I’ll apologize for the rest of my life until you forgive me.”

“No need. I forgive you right now,” you whispered, simpering. 

Johnny stood there like a dumbass, hesitant. He didn’t feel like he deserved your forgiveness and would be spending the next weeks repairing his relationship with you, doing whatever it took. 

You took the lead, starting reluctantly, “Listen. I know Mike’s passing has been hard on you, Johnny. That’s why you want to protect me and everything else you love in your life, but I’m an adult. You need to let me take care of me.” 

A cloud of melancholy hung over Johnny and it wouldn’t leave. The grief was still fresh, as if Mike had died yesterday. 

You stepped forward, placing a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “And you’re my big brother. I’ll obviously still give you a call when I’m going through a rough time. But you have to respect that I’m my own person.”

Johnny nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry about all that too. I’ll be better.”

“I will too,” you said, because the truth was that it was time the two of you started making efforts. 

Johnny grabbed you in his arms and pulled you into a gigantic bear hug. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close, and breathed easier in relief as weeks worth of wounds vanished. 

Wincing your eyes closed, you let yourself be content in your brother’s loving embrace for the first time in a while. You needed this. 

You could barely feel yourself breathe when Johnny started to hug you so tightly you thought he might accidentally squeeze the life out of you. “Alright, chill, Johnny. I think I might die,” you wheezed.

Johnny released you with a chuckle. You gasped for breath, shaking your head. Though the bone-crushing hug was appreciated nonetheless. 

Mark was content to be in the background and cheered in awe, “I’m so proud of you guys. You overcame your differences and reunited like real siblings. I knew it would happen eventually, but dude, this is refreshing to see.”

You nodded in agreement. One less broken relationship. But you had another one to salvage before it was too late. 

Then, Mark remembered Johnny was none too thrilled that he was complicit in you getting away with your sneaky little secret and asked, “Yo, Johnny, are we good?”

“No.”

Mark gawked. 

“I’m kidding,” Johnny said with a teasing lilt. “We’re good, man.”

Mark exhaled in relief. “Thank god.”

You smiled to yourself. You were happy, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing from your life. 

Johnny clamped a hand onto your shoulder and said, “Go get him.”

You gasped, but you didn’t question how he knew. He just did. It was a sibling thing. “You mean it?”

“Yes. You said it yourself. You love him, and I have no reason to come between that anymore. You deserve to be happy after dating asshole after asshole,” Johnny told you (sort of) kindly. 

You snickered, and grabbed your keys from your pockets. “Pray for me. He’s not gonna be thrilled.”

Johnny shook his head, disagreeing. “Yeah, he will. Tell him that I’m very sorry, but the threat to kick his ass still stands if he fucks with you.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know,” you deadpanned, heading for the door. 

The drive to Jaehyun’s house was inexplicably anxious. You could still think, but every thought went by at the speed of a thousand miles per second. And it didn’t help that you were overthinking the entire situation, dreading the endless amount of “what ifs.”

For fuck’s sake, you didn’t even know if he would be there. You were showing up unannounced, uninvited. What if he had already found another woman to keep him company in your forgettable absence?

Then, you were at his front doorstep. And you had no time to vividly imagine every possible scenario, because Jungkook answered your knocks and you could only barely see inside. 

You politely greeted him in a small voice and asked, “Can I come inside?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrowed and he didn’t waste any time in snapping, “Why should I let you in after you broke my friend’s heart?”

“Because I’m sorry and I want to set things right with him,” you said, matching his lack of hesitation. 

Yugyeom hurried over and took the lead, widening the door for you to enter and whining dramatically, “Oh, god. Please come in. Fix him. Do your womanly magic and bring him back to life. I’m sick of his brooding ass.”

You wanted to laugh, but you hated the thought of causing Jaehyun all this suffering. If it was anything like the kind you’d been through lately, you knew he was in a tough spot. 

Thanking Yugyeom, you made a beeline for the stairs, rushing up them like Jaehyun would somehow know it was you approaching them and slip away before you could get the chance to apologize. 

You knocked on Jaehyun’s door, but you guessed he really wasn’t expecting you to come over, because he shouted exasperatedly, “Jesus, Yugyeom. Fuck off.”

“It’s not Yugyeom,” you called back. “It’s me.”

All you could hear was silence. Then there was a shuffle, and a few moments later the door clicked unlocked and Jaehyun was standing before you in all his glory. “What are you doing here?”

“I walked to talk,” you replied timidly, struggling to maintain eye contact. 

Irritated, Jaehyun huffed, “We already had a conversation.” Though the truth was that he was glad you were here, standing in front of him again. He was borderline miserable without you in his life. 

The reminder of your final exchange with Jaehyun made you wince in shame. “I know, but I wanted to apologize. Won’t you at least hear me out?”

Jaehyun turned to return to his bed, reminding sharply, “You’re the one that walked away. I was willing to at least try to make us work, but you didn’t even want to do that.”

“Because I thought it would be useless,” you admitted, giving chase and shutting the door behind yourself. “But I don’t anymore. You were right. I should’ve fought for us and I regret not doing it earlier.”

Jaehyun might’ve acted like he wasn’t listening, being totally dismissive, but he definitely noticed your specific use of language. “You said ‘earlier.’ What do you mean?”

You had a beaming smile on your face as you admitted, “I mean, I talked to Johnny about us. I managed to get him to listen to me and proved your innocence. Thank god Mark’s father is a cop.”

Jaehyun softened. “You did all that? Why?”

“Because you’re worth fighting for,” you whispered tenderly, looking at Jaehyun like he was your entire universe. 

Jaehyun was so close to accepting that he would never have anyone look at him that way again. After a heartbreak, the feeling of being unlovable always loomed over his head and you were no different. But dammit if he wasn’t tired of the doubts. 

Tentatively, you came towards Jaehyun completely, sitting beside him on his mattress that you missed almost as much as you missed him. “I didn’t mean it, when I said I wish I never met you.”

Jaehyun almost laughed. That was the least hurtful thing to leave your lips. “I know. You were upset. And you had every right to be.”

You frowned, suspicious of how calm he was. You half expected him to lash out. “Stop being understanding.” 

“If you’re expecting me to be angry, I can’t do anything for you. I’ve already spent the past few weeks in that stage of grief.”

You blinked. It was as if he could read your mind. “Where are you at now?”

Jaehyun was totally indifferent when he told you, “Bargaining.”

“Funny. Me too,” you sighed. If only you had been more open-minded, you could have spared you and Jaehyun all this worthless misery. 

You noticed that Jaehyun said nothing, but he looked a little in his head. And he was somewhere up there, scolding himself for letting him be a fool for you, then thinking, I couldn’t resist loving you. Sue me. 

The emotion was finally surfacing on his face. You could see all of it now. The distress and the love and the heartache. You smirked, thinking to yourself, He’s my little damsel now. 

The grin on your lips was fleeting and it disappeared by the time you grabbed Jaehyun’s hands in yours and he peered down at you in surprise. “I’m sorry,” you told him softly. “I thought you were crazy and hopeless for thinking we could be together. Now, I see that you didn’t want to quit until you’d exhausted your resources. And I forced your hand. I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun squeezed your hand. “It’s okay. I understand where you were coming from. You were trying to make things as painless as possible because you genuinely thought we didn’t stand a chance against fate.”

“And somehow I made shit ten times more painful,” you murmured, ashamed. 

“Like I said, I understand where you were coming from,” Jaehyun said, being gentler than he should’ve. 

You shook your head. That meant nothing. “But do you forgive me?”

Jaehyun gazed into your pained eyes. It still broke him, but he was starting to lick the wound clean. Things were changing. “Yes. I forgive you, baby.”

Your heart softened at the pet name. You never expected to fall for Jaehyun. Not Jaehyun or his precious smile and adorable face. Not the little things he’d say that made you feel as if you would burst with love. 

But you did fall for him, and all those little things that made him himself. And you didn’t want to be without them ever again. 

“I’m tired of loving each other behind closed doors. I want to be seen with you. I want to go to museums and look at really abstract paintings that you’ll tell me are meaningful for whatever reason. I want to explore the city with you and visit shops I’d never think to go to otherwise.”

Jaehyun was sporting a beaming smile. “You said you love me.”

“I haven’t said it before?”

Jaehyun huffed, “No. Not even once.”

You held his face, cradling it just shy of yours, and confessed, “Then, I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Jaehyun. I don’t know what to do without you.”

“I love you too,” Jaehyun said, leaning in to mumble the tiny confession into your neck, and reminded of how desperately he craved the warmth of your skin. 

You were grinning so hard your cheeks were hurting. 

“Don’t leave me ever again. Don’t ever let me go. Never,” Jaehyun instructed you sharply, and although it was partly muffled, you heard him loud and clear.

“I won’t,” you told him, kissing his forehead. “If you play me that song you made me on your guitar.”

Jaehyun blinked up at you in surprise. “You liked it?”

“I think I’ve cried to it, like, a million times,” you admitted unabashedly. 

Jaehyun’s jaw went slack for only a split second, then he quickly recovered and leapt up to grab his guitar from its resting position in the corner of his room. 

A smile danced onto your lips as he held the guitar, strumming to the beautiful song he’d written with only his insurmountable adoration for you in mind, and the pining nature of the lyrics made you realize that the yearning was over. You were Jaehyun’s. And Jaehyun was yours. 

Losing Jaehyun, one of the few people you loved depthlessly, was like losing the last person you had. You didn’t know how to be without him. And you didn’t have to learn, because you never would be without him again. 

You watched him attentively, beaming from ear to ear, taking in his beautiful smile and soft voice, and familiar heady cologne. And you thought to yourself, There’s nothing to dislike about this guy. 

[manias-wordcount]

Soft Squeezes (Howl Jenkins Pendragon)

Kinktober 2023 Day Four: Fondling

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

It’s always when Howl seems to be at his absolute softest.

  That’s usually when you can expect him to stick his hands underneath the fabric of your dress. 

  Today was one of those days. Not that you were surprised, of course. He was sleepy this morning when you woke him up with the breakfast that you and Calcifer worked to create. He was quiet as he ate, though he answered every one of Markl’s questions with the smallest of smiles on his face. When breakfast was done, he seemed to have floated around the castle. Doing what? You’re not quite sure. There are still parts of Howl that you have to admit as being a mystery still- even to you. 

  But what you do know is that when he crept into your sunroom and picked you up and off the couch to plop you straight down in his lap, you knew you were in for a bit of a distracting reading session. So you didn’t even frown you just barely managed to make it to the end of the chapter. You only settled into him a little more. And you smiled.

  It wasn’t a smile Howl could necessarily see, but you had a feeling he knew it was there. Because all too soon, the long fingers that were tracing the neckline of your dress. Pressing the tips of his nails just barely against any pieces of exposed skin he could get his hands on. Only enough to make you shudder and shiver. And when he noticed the quiet way you fold the top of a page in the book you were trying to read, he didn’t say anymore. He just let out a warm chuckle and let you take your time in placing the book by the side of his lap. And when you finally righted yourself in his lap? Undistracted and oh-so-eager? He finally had the chance to set out and do what he wanted to do ever since wandering in to see you.

  Even so, he started off slow. 

  He still let a finger trace your neckline a few times for good measure. Though his other hand has already just begun gently pressing the pads of each finger just beneath the very top of your dress. At first, the touch was still a little more curious than anything else. But hand tracing your neckline had just wandered down further to cup at your breast from above your clothes. Four fingers had just reacquainted themselves with the size of your chest as they scoped from below and circled around what they could. His thumb came to top it all off as it began to draw small, small circles into you. Something you doubt you would have really noticed if it weren’t for the delicate way he treated you. Even as you fidgeted and squirmed and made all sorts of soft noises as you sat on his lap.

  Speaking of which, you were starting to get a little antsy. And a little bit shy too. A brush against of part of your body that was too sensitive always managed to get a shiver out of you. And the suddenness of a squeeze or a pinch or even a warm kiss to your skin was usually met with a whimper or a gasp pouring freely from your lips. Beneath you, you could feel your lover’s own arousal growing. A stiff, firmness that wasn’t always there is now pressing against your bottom. And if you wonder if it’s because touching you genuinely makes him this excited.

  Or if his body can somehow sense the growing wetness that’s now making a mess of your panties right above him.

  Whatever the reason may be, it doesn’t change the fact that Howl seems more than content with just playing around with your breasts. So content that when his fingers find your nipples hardening from beneath your dress and opts to give it the quickest squeeze that sends you almost jolting out of his lap, he’s quick the grab you with a free hand and keep you rooted in place. 

  “I’m sorry, my dear,” He murmurs into the crook of your neck. His apology is accented by a kiss against your skin as the hand that just grabbed you went from holding at your waist to spreading across the expanse of your tummy and squeezing there as well. The action bunches up your dress a little more than sitting on his lap has already. Not enough to cause major concerns if you were out in public. But just enough to raise some eyebrows now that more of the meat of your thighs was exposed for anyone to lay their eyes upon. But you know that’s now what Howl’s most interested in. Because if he was…. “You know I just couldn’t help it.”

  …then why would he be so focused on pulling down the top of your dress and letting your breasts fall free from the clothes that once confined them?

  And even though you know he’s doing this all for his own enjoyment and pleasure, there’s a certain feeling of embarrassment that overtakes you as you watch your chest become more exposed and bounce freely now that they’ve been revealed to all of the sunroom. But Howl doesn’t allow you for a moment to let that shyness dwell within you. It seems as if not even a part of his agenda or factored into his fantasy. No, because before you can even really blink, the hand that is not grabbing at your body and keeping you pressed against him is now spreading against your chest and grabbing. Squeezing. Feeling. Touching. Anything. Everything.

  And upon his lap, you’re left squirming and shaking. Whimper and whining. Gasping out and breathing deeply as the fabric of your dress pools around you. But behind your every reaction is a man giving into his earthly temptations. A man taking the same hands that once brushed against your pebbled nipples tenderly and turning them into hands that tug and roll the sensitive little point between two nimble fingers. A man taking the same hands that gently cupped and drew shapes along your skin and turning them into hands that give a little lift just to let fall. Or to squeeze just hard enough for him to hear your voice as you sing in surprise. Or to play and play and play with all that he can touch and all that he can feel and all that he can see.

  And he’ll be like this for hours. He’ll sit you on his lap and let your dress hang off your body. Leaving you half naked and all his to play with. He’ll run his fingers against your skin. He’ll be gentle and sweet. And maybe take a quick turn to poke and prod at your limits. But you’ll never have to worry about him being a little too rough with your precious body. Because on the inside and out, you know that the man you’re dealing with is a soft, soft man. A man who just so happens to want only one thing.

  And it just so happens that his hands are the absolute perfect size to enjoy that very thing.

[g0niki]

hey, i just wonder if you'll be able to write something like "enhas reactions when their chubby gf is insecure about her body" cause im that gf and i feel terrible today? sorry if its too much ❤️ love your works

enha x gn!reader

word count: 1k+ (estimated 150 each)

contents: jake says girl once, kissing, fondling/ groping, overall fluff, suggestive (jaywon).

a/n: i made it sfw with some members suggestive(jay & jungwon)! I hope this makes you feel better and just let me know if you’d like an nsfw ver in the future!

heeseung ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⭑ heeseung would most likely be sitting at his computer gaming and notice you in his peripheral looking in the mirror, trying on clothes, and overall just not being satisfied with how you look.

⭑ he'd take off his headphones and swivel in his chair to face you, just silently opening his arms for you to come sit on his thigh. the second you sit down he's wrapping his arms around your frame and pepper soft kisses onto your face asking what's got you so down.

⭑immediately showers you with the softest praise. "i find every part of you beautiful, love." he’s definitely gripping your thighs and running his hands up them, just trying to bring you some comfort.

⭑ i don't think he'd have too much to say but he'd do his absolute best to make you feel appreciated in that moment. closing out his games and deciding to pull up your favorite show/movies using this time just to hold you closely and gently caress every curve and kiss softly behind your ear every few moments.

more under cut ᯓ★

jay ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⭑i believe jay's biggest love language is food. he's always making sure his partner is eating well and just gets happy seeing his partner appreciate his home-cooked meals.

⭑ that being said, jay would 100% notice any change in diet/ eating habits. the second he notices you picking at your plate and refusing to eat your favorite foods he's raising an eyebrow and silently observing you.

⭑ he wouldn't put you on the spot but after dinner, while you’re cleaning up the dishes he'd come up and hug you from behind. "everything ok princess?"

⭑he'd listen to you attentively, trying his best to understand why you may feel like that. he’d hum in response taking in all your words but he finds you to be perfect. personally, i believe jay loves tummies, thighs, and all of that, he likes how it feels in his hands and honestly finds it to be attractive. "why don't we go shower so i can show my girl just how much she means to me?" and be prepared for jay to do just that.

jake ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⭑firmly believe jake loves all bodies like mans does not care, but if his partner ever were to be feeling insecure he’s right there to reassure them.

⭑jake on a daily expresses to his partner how much he loves them and is constantly hanging all over them. if you ever were feeling down and struggling with your image he’s quick to tell you that he loves you and wouldn’t trade you for the world. “you know no matter the size you’ll always be my girl right?”

⭑ i see him as the type to kiss you and in between each kiss list off what he loves about you, taking his time just to make you smile. “there’s that pretty smile i missed so much” while cupping your face and placing another gentle kiss on your lips.

⭑ he just wants to see you with a smile on your face and appreciating yourself for everything you are.

sunghoon ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⭑hoon is more in his head than the three above, i think he would be worried about what he may have said or done, thinking that he was the one to have made you feel that way.

⭑i think the easiest way for him to express that he loves you would be through subtle actions, coming up to you and caressing your curves, pushing your hair out of your face to just hold your face and take in your beauty.

⭑he would lean down and push your noses together, kissing you and saying “you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever laid eyes on love.”

⭑i do see him walking on eggshells a bit, unsure of how to approach the issue but he would always be there for you until you do open up, holding your hand, constantly reassuring and admiring you.

sunoo ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⭑he notices his partner not wanting to snack with him as much. one of sunoo’s favorite things to do would be going on late-night snack runs with you, so the moment you refuse to get icecream or share his mint choco he’s pouting and asking you what’s wrong.

⭑he’s very k-drama-esque, pushing your shoulder and scolding you “ya! i like you for you, not because of what others may think you look like.” wrapping his arms around you and squeezing you with all his might.

⭑"this is who i love, and i want the person i love to love themself!” pulling back and grabbing your hand, staring into your eyes, and placing a pouty kiss onto your lips.

⭑ sunoo literally doesn’t tolerate his partner not loving themselves, he thinks you’re perfect and that anyone that disagrees needs to piss off.

jungwon ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⭑before i start, i think won loves curvy girls, he’s very touchy and loves having more to grab. won with a curvy s/o he’d constantly be touching up on you and it kind of brings him comfort in a way.

⭑if you told him you were feeling insecure i don’t think he’d be able to understand why. jungwon is immediately furrowing his brows and trying to wrap his head around the fact.

⭑he’d pull you onto the bed next to him, leaning over you to say “you must not see how perfect you are.” he’d take a moment just to admire you, hold you close to him, and probably trail kisses along your neck and chest.

⭑"nothing about you could ever be less than perfect,” his kisses never stopping as he pushes you back and get’s ready to show you what he feels.

riki ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⭑i think he’d get mad if you told him you were feeling insecure. not mad at you but mad at whoever made you think you weren’t enough. he’d try and keep his composure for your sake but his eyebrows would be pinched together and jaw slightly clenched.

⭑ sits you down just to hear you out better, mostly to calm himself down and figure out just what to say. holding your hands and using his thumbs to caress the backs of them.

⭑"why worry about them anyways, i’m the one who loves you.” he just might be even more hurt than you are. he’d calm himself down by gently kissing the top of your temple and pulling you to lean onto his chest.

⭑"don’t listen to them, none of them matter.” his definitely using his words to calm himself down and stop himself from acting irrationally to protect you.

ᯓ★

@g0niki all rights reserved. do not translate or post my work anywhere without permission.

[neteyamsoare]

Their Strong Warrior.

༉‧₊˚. Featuring. Tonowari x Ronal x Fem! Tall! Metkayina! Reader.

༉‧₊˚. Request From [🫧 anon]. Hi! It’s 🫧 again :D If your requests are still open, could I maybe ask for a Tonowari/Ronal x reader again? (In case you couldn’t tell, they’re my favorites). I read something somewhere about like, tall Na’vi reader, and I can’t get it out of my head. I can imagine Ronal and Tonowari with this huge beefy Metkayina reader, like tattooed to glory and absolutely terrifying, but is actually the softest person ever. Like yeah, the reader can and has taken on the most terrifying beasts you can think of, but they’re reduced to a little purring puddle if Ronal or Tonowari offers to braid their hair or cuddle with them in their Mauri. I tried to put more detail in this time too :P hope this is okay.

༉‧₊˚. Summary. On the outside, you put a tough wall but behind closed doors, Tonowari and Ronal know the real you.

༉‧₊˚. General Tags. Fluff.

༉‧₊˚. Content Warnings. Brief mention of readers' deceased parents and you have a specific height

༉‧₊˚. Word Count. 673.

༉‧₊˚. Index. Marui — [homes of Na'vi clans like the Metkayina or the Ta'unui], Akula — [a Pandoran ocean animal that roams the reefs of the Eastern Sea].

༉‧₊˚. Notes. This is my first poly fic so go easy with me, it'll become better as I improve my writing. I love you for this request. I swear I was in the car and was thinking of your request and before I knew it, I was writing some notes for part two. Sorry, this took so long. Also sorry this was a bit short but part two is going to be longer!

༉‧₊˚. Extra. Comments, likes, and reblogs are highly appreciated but not pressured. 🤍

༉‧₊˚. Starred Links. Navigation + Masterlist + Prompts + Taglist

You were well known amongst the Metkayina clan for being the strongest, bravest, and most fearless warrior they had ever seen. You worked so hard to get the title and never planned on losing it.

People felt intimidated by you and let’s be honest they had every right to, you were 8’9 and since you were a hunter, you had your tattoos done on your arms which represented the more exposed protective shield of the seawall.

Any dangerous mission there was, you were on it. You took on the most dangerous animals known to man with no fear and especially no doubt you would lose, You always radiated with confidence.

Like today, you returned home from a hunting trip after defeating an akula feeling very proud of yourself.

“Y/n… you were…,” Marek nervously tried to put words together but you just stared at him with a blank face watching him fidget with his fingers and avoid eye contact with you, you went to say something warm-hearted but he simply ran away. 

It’s not like you intended to put fear in others to the fact that they were too afraid to talk to you, it was just that after your parents died, you put up walls so people couldn’t see how much you were hurting inside, why let people see the soft side of you when you could be the toughest they have ever seen.

The tough facade didn't work on two people though. 

While the people thought you were this tough scary person that was tough to talk to, Tonowari and Ronal saw a different side to you.

You three would be in your shared marui and Tonowari would offer to braid your hair as Ronal would cuddle into you laying her head on your chest as you let out a soft purr, they would say hearing your purr is the music to their ears.

You could deny it all you want but when it comes down to the two, they were the only ones to break down your walls seeing the true you, the soft you.

You hear a familiar chuckle from behind, “I swear you make it so easy,” Tonowari says as he walks up to you.

“Make what so easy?” he lets out another chuckle as he snakes an arm around your waist pulling you closer to him as you look up at him, you were tall but not taller than him.

“I don’t have to scare off potential suitors because you do it for me, can’t have anyone trying to steal you away from us,” you roll your eyes as you fight back a smile threatening to form. 

You open your mouth to say something but Ronal interrupts you as she picks up your hand searching for any small or serious injuries that she would have to tend to. You’d argue that she didn’t need to but the amount of time you got hurt during these hunting trips, you learn to deal with it.

She searches your whole body and when she sees that you’re fine, she goes to search Tonowari in which he voluntarily does a 360 spin to put her at ease.

“Nice, no injuries this time, you two are improving,” she says as a slight smile shows on her face and three of you walk to your shared home as Tonowari and you tell her how the trip went, both complementing each other’s skill. 

These happy moments were the only way people would see the smile on your face, seeing how the three of you complement each other perfectly, and how you work so well together.

Of course, they saw the arguments that would come up at times but the three of you had it under control, and by the next day, things went back to normal.

But there was a time in the future when an argument was so bad that it caused a rift in your relationship that had people worried if things were going to be okay between the three of you.

🔖 @livelaughloak, @jakesully-sbabygirl, @kenzi-woycehoski, @fanboyluvr, @onlytays, @amart-e, @vxncxntt, @blep24, @blackheart-stuff, @almondmilk8, @love-chx, @uniltsatirey, @23victoria, @saeayanaa, @aash3, @canaomfa, @neteyamsbaby, @0littlelucy0, @itszmedawn, @strawberryclouds22, @doulcha, @lixiesbrowniess, @liluvtojineteyam, @tinkerbelle05, @olivikiya.

© neteyamsoare 2023. | All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[sunarc]

I have been summoned, I have a weird headcannons but I just thought of it, tsukki, Akashi, wakatoshi and whoever else you wanna add, with a s/o that’s a streamer/tiktoker/YouTuber.

HQ Boys with a Streamer S/O

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long babe i hope you didn’t forget about me 🫣! please enjoy and send more ask my loves it may take long but i will make it happen boo

Bokuto honestly loves that you’re a streamer. He watches every video that you put out. Sometimes you’ll catch him sneaking in the camera and waving at the viewers with the biggest smile on his face. He is your biggest supporter and will even promote your videos on his social media. If you ever ask him to do a video with you he will be ecstatic. He definitely takes all the shine when he gets on camera, I mean come on he’s a hot tall guy with a personality so bright it’s almost blinding. He’s a sweet boy and will always support you.

Akaashi finds it so cute that you’re a streamer. He likes to watch you record your videos and he’ll have the sweetest smile on his face. He loves that you're doing something that makes you happy. If you ever put him in the camera he’ll get all shy with the softest blush on his cheeks. He’s a shy guy but the fans absolutely love him. He prefers watching though. He likes to see how excited you get about different topics, your happiness is his happiness.

Ushijima honestly doesn’t understand it at first. He first assumes you are on call when he hears you talking to the camera but easily picks up the fact that you are a content creator. He enjoys watching what you create. If he isn’t informed on the topic that you create he will do research so that he can talk to you about the subject. He likes talking to you about things he loves so any chance he gets he will bring up something you do. If he is ever on camera he will put on a smile and wave . He isn’t camera shy, he is just a man of very few words. He’ll give you forehead kisses before waving goodbye to the viewers and taking his leave. He enjoys watching your streams, he enjoys everything you do.

Tsukishima won’t admit it but he loves that you’re a streamer. He’ll scoff when he sees you streaming but is tuning in each and every episode. He’lol even promote your videos. He’s such a grouch when he’s on camera though. He just has a grumpy pout that viewers find adorable. He’ll wave but that’s the most you can get out of him. There are rare times when you catch him being nice on a stream like bringing you food or giving you kisses.

[ohworm-writes]

Hi!! Im back (Same anon who requested the soft!dom Nikolai), hope your day/night is going well ^^. Okay, for the life of me I cannot stop thinking about Nikolai with a virgin reader, and every time I do it makes me go crazy 😩😩 like, he already knew about the fact she’d never been with anybody intimately and he couldn’t care one bit, simply content with just kissing and cuddling, even being around her. However, one night the reader comes to him and says she’s ready to lose it, and Nikolai couldn’t be more excited. Honestly feel like he’d be nervous, not wanting to hurt her, even as he’s slowly opening her up with his fingers and she’s moaning, or when she’s begging for him to put it in already as he shush’s her and tells her to be patient.

Ultimately I think I’d be the softest experience ever, and he’d be nothing but gentle and attentive to her, do you think you could write something like this?? (Sorry for it being long again omg but I had sm to say 😭) and obv take ur time <33 🫶🏽

I'm so obsessed with your soft dom Nik thoughts anon like you have absolutely no idea. They wrack around in my brain like a pinball machine. I can't explain it to you any better than that, and I absolutely adore it.

PAIRING f!virgin!reader x Nikolai RATING R - Restricted [ Content warnings: 18+ mdni, soft dom!Nikolai, fingering, soft sex ]

He definately wouldn't care whether or not you're a virgin. To him, it isn't something that really matters much to him. If anything, when considering the act itself, it almost brings up, like you said, a sense of nervousness or anxiety to him in the fear that could possibly come with hurting you.

He isn't a small man, after all. In all aspects.

But when you come to him one night when he's lying down on the couch, spread out comfortably and ready to watch a movie with you, hearing you whine and keen out to him about how you need him... who is he to deny you? You - his sweet, precious, beautiful girl, needing to be taken care of.

That's his job as your boyfriend, after all. Is it not?

He brings you onto his lap, hands on your hips gently kneading the flesh of your thighs, keeping it simple at first as he kisses along your skin, slow and calculated, ensuring he lavishes all the attention he can possibly give to you. To worship and adore you in all of the ways that you deserve.

Hot, heavy, messy kisses, nothing short of tongue and teeth. Sloppy. Wandering hands that grab and grope, your flesh spilling out between the gaps of his fingers. Uneven, shaky, gasping breaths from the both of you, so desperate for more, yet equally trying to keep the situation controlled.

But you need more. And he gives it to you.

He switches your positions a bit, making you lay with your back to his chest, one of his big, warm hands shimmying itself beneath the waistband of those pretty, loose shorts that you had been wearing, two fingers gently teasing around your sex.

You're so fuckin' wet and it drives him absolutely crazy.

He'd use two of his fingers to spread your folds apart, his chin resting on your shoulder as he listens to all of the pretty sounds you make as he teases your cunt. Even with two separate layers of fabric separating your pussy from the open air, both of you can still hear just how wet you are.

One of his fingers is about as thick as two of your own, after all, so after long minutes of waiting, even one of his fingers makes you cry and whimper. And fuck, the way he just explores your insides, all slow and calculating, and then, when you're ready, sinking another finger into your drooling pussy.

Nik's singing you praises all the while, too. Pressing soft kisses to your shoulder as your head falls back onto him, whispering about how warm you are, how you're making such a good mess of his hands, how nice you sound, how you look fucking gorgeous falling apart because of him when he's barely even do anything.

You can feel him getting hard under you, too. Especially with the way his free hand presses down on your lower tummy, molding you into him as he slowly finger fucks you until you practically have tears in your eyes. As loving and caring as he's being, he's going so fucking slow, never giving you enough to be able to cum.

Whimper and whine all you want, but he's exploring your pussy! He wants to make sure he knows how every inch of your insides feel, the way your slick drips down his wrist, the little squeezes you make around his fingers. Let a man have his fun. :(

"Patience, апушка (sweetheart)."

He stresses, tutting you softly as you beg for him to go faster, for him to make you cum, and for him to just fuck you already. It's like he's patronizing you, almost - but the honey coating his voice is too similar to a siren's call, and it simply encourages you to listen.

And oh, is it worth it.

Nikolai is a man of many talents, but making you cum in record time and with such accuracy and precision is, in your humble opinion, his most impressive one.

He moves his arm that holds that hand that was inside of you under your leg, his other moving down to your clit as he presses you into him - even if you thrash, it won't stop him - as he just abuses that poor little pussy of yours, fucking his fingers in and out of you with one hand, curling them against and targeting that spot that makes it hurt to breathe while his other slaps and rubs your clit until you're seizing.

He makes you cum so hard you swear on you forget how to breath properly, cries so high pitched you can't even hear them, drool slipping out of the corner of your mouth, foot cramping, sweat coating every inch of your body.

Every sensation is just too overwhelming but gods, does it feel good.

That's why it almost pisses you off when he asks if he went too far and if you're okay, helping bring you back down to Earth with gentle kisses and a concerned voice. He brings his hands away from your sensitive pussy (not before licking his hands clean and almost cumming from the taste), tracing gentle figures across your skin as he waits for you.

He's so worried that, even from fingering you, he might have hurt you in some way. Even when you reassure him that you're okay and that's the hardest you ever came and that you still want more, he's so worried and hesitant even if he doesn't outwardly show it. You're his girl, and he'd never want to hurt you. :(

Beg him a little more and a little harder, though, and he'll cave. After all, he still hasn't taken care of his own arousal, his cock so hard he swears to himself that it hurts, and you're pussy is all stretched out and wet and waiting for him, right? And you still want his cock to fill you up, right?

And he does just that. He pulls his cock out from his own joggers that he had been wearing, shimmying them down just enough as he pushes the fabric of your shorts to the side. And fuck, the way you're drooling from your little hole has him weak - even seeing your pussy has him on the brink.

He's so cocky and smug all of the time, so he can't help himself than to be a bit of a tease, tracing his tip along the outside of your pussy, tapping it against your clit and tracing it down towards your hole, never pushing in, just having his fun. But even he can't take it for long, having to bite his lip and just go for it.

He's so careful, distracting you with a hot and heavy make-out session, hands at your hips, gently massaging them as he sinks you down onto his cock inch by inch. Not only is his cock thick, but it's so big that even a few inches in has you whining and needing a rest before he tries to keep going.

"So good for me... doing such a good job, yeah? Look at you. Look at how well you take me."

He's talking to himself and he knows it, but he doesn't care. Not when you're so warm and wet and willing to take him.

When it comes to him actually fucking you, he takes his time - similar and different to earlier. His fingers are different from his dick, obviously, so now he's especially careful and considerate about your comfort - always checking in, always making sure you're okay and that you're feeling good as he bounces you up and down on himself.

Have you ever heard that thing that guys will avoid looking at you and do things like a times table in their head to stop themself from cumming so quick? No? Yes? Whatever the case, lucky for you, that isn't Nik.

He's so obsessed with the facial expressions you're making, the sounds that are coming out past (both of) your lips that his own climax climbs up with such suddenness and force, slamming into him as he does you.

A broken curse in Russian falls from his tongue as he can't help himself, his balls emptying out into you without warning, the faintest whimper coming from him as he fucks himself into overstimulation just to make you cum. :( He doesn't care how sensitive he is, he just wants to see you fall apart.

And just... ugh. Aftercare king >>>

He makes sure you're comfortable and gets you all cleaned up (even though he himself has trouble walking from how hard he came), bring you some water and some pain killers and something to eat if you ask, and makes sure you get all the praise and love you could ever ask for. <3

[theravenphoenix26]

Second Choice

CASSIAN x READER ANGST

Sorry, I’ve disappeared for a bit, they put me on meds and I’ve felt weird as hell. Anyway, this is my first time writing for Cassian, hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts. Not proofread.

Warnings- Angst

You weren't the type to wait. Nor were you the type to rest, content as a second choice. 

The minute there was a debate about whether he should choose you, his wife for the past 200 years, or her, his mate, you left. There shouldn’t have been a choice in your eyes. Especially because you had always chosen him. 

Cassian wasn’t as sure. 

He knew he loved you. It was a thing as sure as breathing. But this was the other half of his soul. The person he was destined to be with, his forever. 

You knew all of this as well, knew the debate going through your husband’s head. However, you had already left your mate. Had rejected that beautiful bond in place of what you had with Cassian. 

For him to even consider another woman, was a deal breaker. 

He threw 200 years down the drain in the blink of an eye. The apartment you’d shared, with its soft gray walls and cool tile floors was empty. Vibrant watercolor paintings striped off the wall, every trace of you gone. 

The night you’d left Cassian had walked into the apartment, awaiting your warm embrace. He’d found it cold. The scent from your favorite candle had faded and the place he felt most comfortable was gone. 

He’d run through the house, hoping you turned in early or were redecorating. Hoping it wasn’t as he feared. But you were gone. 

The bed looked bare, your softest blanket with you. Even your scent had disappeared, as though you’d meticulously scrubbed every bit of yourself from this place, from his life. 

And you had, you had taken your paintings, and everything in the house that you’d bought. You’d cleaned before you left, scrubbed the remaining bedding, and sprayed harsh citrus cleaner throughout the apartment. 

He didn’t get to keep any of you. Once you were gone, you were gone. 

Cassian had tried to rebuild his home into the sanctuary it had once been. Feyre had made new paintings for him which he hung on the walls. He’d made a weapons shelf you would have absolutely despised. It was never the same, never better. 

Even after he’d moved to his newest beau in, it was cold, and blank. Nesta had rejected him, and he didn't have his wife. He had nothing, he’d known you wouldn’t be a second choice. He’d known you would probably leave. 

But he thought he would have something better, thought he would be happier. He wasn't, everything he'd thought he’d wanted hadn’t wanted him. 

And the only thing he’d ever really wanted was gone. 

[alieinthemorning]

Touch of a Lifetime | Leander

Content: Soft, Touch-starved, Minor Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Touching, Hand Holding,Touchstarved Demo Spoilers

Pronouns: None

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don't forget to like and reblog!

You had been touched before,

held

kissed 

intimate

but you had never 

without the barrier of cotton

felt the heartbeat of another under your own fingertips.

So when Leander offered his ungloved hand to you,

glowing a gentle green of protection magic,

you hesitated.  

As much as you wanted to, you were terrified. 

You didn’t want someone who showed you an ounce of kindness to immediately fall victim to your curse. 

But Leander knew.

He gripped your hand tightly in his. 

However, within the next moment his face went blank. 

You knew that look, but you foolishly, desperately called his name. 

“Leander?” 

He didn’t answer you, moved in close. Other hand closing in on your neck.

You squeezed your eyes shut and whispered what you believed would be your last words.

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m fine.” He whispered, hot breath fanning against the shell of your ears. 

 You sucked in a breath, not releasing it until you felt him move away, hand still firmly in his. 

When you did peek at him, he was all smiles. 

“Interesting! That’s one hell of a curse!” 

His hand that was reaching for your neck now steadied your shoulder. 

When had you started shaking?

Then it lifted and his thumb swiped across your cheeks. 

When had you started crying?

In a water haze, you search Leander’s eyes. Afraid you’d see the sickly sweet trace of madness.

But no, only those ever soft jade eyes, intensely clear of madness. 

Interestingly enough, red bloomed across his cheeks, but despite this he never moved. 

Then he gave your hand a squeeze before slowly unfurling his grip,

allowing you to venture across his palm.  

You were absolutely enraptured by each crease, the surprising softness and the warmth of his hand.

His heartbeat was as steady as one should be while your own beat like thunder. 

Wild and untamed. 

Your featherlight touch glided along his palm to his wrist and his forearm where the skin was raised. 

You followed the criss-crossed slice pattern of the scar a few times, before glancing up again. 

‘They match…’ You thought, staring that ran just below his left eye lid down beneath his shirt. 

“Am I the first person you’ve been able to touch like this?” 

You pause in your menstrations, “So far.” 

“I’ll admit your touch does make it somewhat difficult to stay level headed, but not due to your power…” There it was again, that boyish grin and those rosy cheeks. 

Not that he was alone on the latter. 

Because he returned the favor, following the molten golden cracks along your knuckles. 

“Look. We match.” He chuckled, gesturing to the gold pin on his coat. 

And then finally, 

You drew your hand back.

And yet, he was again. 

Offering an outstretched hand. 

One that would allow you to remove your chains 

and reach out for solace. 

But this time, 

as you glanced up at him for one last confirmation,

something else stood out.

Focus stolen from his outstretched palm, you instead reached for jaw. 

Slow circles along the soft skin until it became thin silk. 

“Ah.” His scar. 

It caught your eye when you first met. Something that looked so rough and ragged that sat so close to a gaze that was so warm and comforting. 

However, 

You knew that even the softest gazes held the sharpest knives behind them. 

“You’re getting awfully bold…” His hand reached up to cover your own, but didn't move it from its place. 

‘I want to kiss him.’

A simple passing thought propelled by the thrumming excitement caused you to jolt back. Shoving your hands into your lap, already going through the motions of rewrapping your bandages. 

Your eyes burnt a hole through the table as your teeth played with your bottom lip.

“Are you alright?” His voice muffled in your cotton filled head, but you do manage to nod.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just a little dizzy is all.” 

He smiled knowingly, “You’ve had a long day, you deserve some rest. Luckily your room is just upstairs.” Then he leans closer, “Do you want me to walk you back?”

You fly up from your seat, shaking your head. “I’m fine, but uh…thanks for—well everything.” 

“Of course, and remember what I told you: If you ever need a break from the chaos of the city, I’ll be here for you.”

You can only nod, not trusting yourself to say anything in your current heated daze. 

He smiled

“Sweet dreams.”

I love Ais but I can't believe I didn't do this first.

I am an absolute sucker for loving on scars.

Ko-Fi | Commission | Masterlist

[miasmaghoul]

Hello my love! It's only 11 and it's already been the worst day imaginable....could I possibly ask for aether tummy worship. Could be slutty could be fluffy just our big boy being absolutely worshiped and adored by a ghoul of your choice.

Much love btw/gen

im sorry to hear that! i also had a shit day, and i know you and i are not alone.

as such - stoned, grossly sappy aeth/dew makeouts and tummy time, coming right up!

Aether isn't sure how he got this lucky.

That's the word for it, he thinks. The word to explain the simple joy of being right here, right now. Laying by the lake in his still-damp swim trunks, facing the midnight sky. Cool grass against his back and a familiar body pressed to his side. The stars sparkle, and maybe it's the weed, but Aether swears he can hear the heartbeat of the universe. He sighs, deeply contented.

"What're you thinking about?"

Dew's words are soft, murmured into his shoulder. The little ghoul has one leg hooked over Aether's thigh and an arm resting on his stomach, lithe fingers fiddling idly with his chest hair. Aether runs his knuckles down the length of Dew's spine, a soothing motion for the both of them.

"Stars," Aether says simply, gesturing vaguely upwards with the hand holding the smoldering end of their shared joint. His arm feels delightfully heavy. Dew hums, scratching gently at his chest.

"What about 'em?"

"They're fascinating," Aether replies, sluggish gaze bouncing between constellations. "Humans put so much stock in them. They have for centuries. Some people base their whole lives on those stars, Dew."

"'s that so?" Dew nuzzles closer, the motion accompanied by a warm summer breeze that rustles the clover and wildflowers surrounding them. The little ghoul always so tactile like this, loose and pliant and utterly relaxed. The softest version of himself. Aether silently treasures every moment of it. He gives a hum, playing with a lock of damp silver hair stuck to Dew's back.

"Horoscopes and birth charts and planetary alignments." Aether continues, tilting his head. "Some people think the stars know everything. Something good'll happen and they'll say it was because 'the stars aligned'." The sky is clear, no light pollution for miles, and Aether traces the shimmering arm of the milky way with heavy eyes. "I don't know about all that, but they're a sight like this. Have you ever really looked at them?"

Dew's hand on his chest feels so nice. Aether sighs, scratching at the little ghoul's scalp and relishing the pleased chirp it brings. Dew shifts slightly, just enough to press a kiss to his chest.

"Why would I when I can look at you?"

Aether goes still, halfway to bringing the joint to his mouth for one last pull. His hand hovers over his chest and Dew takes it upon himself to grab his wrist, bringing the twisted end to his own lips instead. Aether tips his head to watch Dew's luxurious inhale, dazed.

"What?"

Dew doesn't answer as he releases Aether's hand, sitting up enough to lean on an elbow. Their legs are still intertwined, Dew absentmindedly dragging the arch of his foot over Aether's calf. He can see Dew's face now, pale skin shimmering in the moonlight, cerulean eyes shining. Red rimmed and glassy, but so obviously fond. Aether is helpless but to lean into his magnetic pull.

The kiss is slow and lazy, intoxicating in more ways that one. Dew feeds him the sweet, herbal smoke, humming happily as their tongues drag against one another The hand on Aether's chest drifts a little further south, caressing warm skin. Dew pulls back first, purring deep in his chest. Aether's eyes feel fuzzy, his head filled with static. Dew shifts against him again, pressing a kiss to the corner of his jaw.

"Why would I wanna look at a buncha sparkly shit in the sky," he says, trailing achingly soft kisses down Aether's throat, "when you're right here?" Aether's laughs through his nose, a soft sound.

"Dew-"

"What?" he interrupts, squeezing Aether's leg with his own. "You gonna tell a guy he can't have preferences?" Dew's fingers trail down the side of his belly, a ticklish feeling that has Aether biting his lip. He shakes his head, skin electric every place they meet.

"They're just really pretty," he mumbles, watching the way Dew's hair shines in the moonlight.

"So are you." Dew shoots him a stoned little smile, eyes crinkled at the corners, and fuck if Aether's heart doesn't skip against his ribs. "Lay back," the little ghoul lilts, pushing himself up, "just relax. Look at your stars while I look at mine."

Aether doesn't know how Dew manages to move so fluidly when he's so high he can't feel his own ass, but then that slight body is knelt between his legs and he finds he doesn't much care. Aether lets his head thud back against the soft earth, feeling himself blush as Dew's hands come to rest on his thighs.

"So pretty," he slurs, fingers coasting up past Aether's trunks to press into the soft roll at his waistband. Aether sighs as those slender fingers slide over his stomach and up to his chest, giving a playful squeeze. His unfocused eyes are back on the sky, pinpricks of light in the blackness melting into one another in his faded state.

Dew's hands are exploratory but gentle, meandering over every inch of his torso. Squeezing his shoulders, massaging his chest, dimpling his belly. That seems to be the main focus of his attention tonight. Aether feels rather like he's being pawed at by an overly affectionate cat. The thought conjures an image of Dewdrop with furry little ears that has Aether giggling immediately. Dew doesn't ask why and he's glad for it.

He can't take his eyes off the sky, but every other part of his addled mind is focused on the way the little ghoul touches him. There's nothing lascivious to it, nothing demanding. Touching for the sake of touching. It's soothing, despite how bony Dew's fingers are where they knead his soft flesh.

"I like this," the little ghoul purrs, not at all helping the catlike imagery in Aether's mind. "This part of you. I mean, I like every part of you," Dew clarifies, "even your one weird toe." Aether barks out a laugh at that, and Dew's purr kicks up a notch as his belly jiggles with it. "But this part is special."

Aether lets out a surprised sound when Dew buries his face in his stomach. He can't not lift his head and take a peek; Dew's cheek is pressed just above his bellybutton, the little ghoul nuzzling into his belly hair. Those elegant hands rest at his sides, stroking over his love handles. He wants to sweep Dew's hair back to see more of his beautiful face, but his arms refuse to move. Instead,

"Special?" Dew nods against him, kissing just beside his bellybutton. "It's just a stomach," Aether chuckles, sheepish. Dew clearly disagrees though, nipping at tender skin.

"Is not," he argues, peering up at Aether with unabashed adoration in his eyes. "It's your stomach. And that makes it special."

Aside from a very warm feeling in his chest, Aether has no response to that. He can only watch as Dew worships his belly - there really is no other word for the reverent way he touches it, kisses it. Even the way he sinks his teeth into the extra soft spot just below his bellybutton feels holy. Dew heaves a happy sigh a few minutes later, resting his chin on Aether's stomach and offering a serene smile. One that Aether easily returns.

Dew surges up to catch him in a deep kiss, just for a few moments. It's sweet and lush, unhurried but broken quickly. Dew kisses the tip of his nose before scooting down to adjust his position, shimmying until he's laid out on his front between strong thighs. He rests his head on the center of Aether's belly, snaking his arms around Aether's waist to hold him close. Once he's settled, Aether lets his head fall back again, smiling wide at the endless night stretched out above them.

At long last, Aether makes his arm work. He brings a heavy hand to rest on Dew's head, dragging gentle fingers through his hair. They're both purring now, a pair of complimentary rumbles joining the summertime chirp of crickets and the occasional soft breeze. He can't recall the last time he felt so utterly, perfectly at peace.

At length, Dew pipes up again, voice thick with bliss and the beginnings of sleep.

"Aeth?"

Aether lifts his head again, blinking slowly.

"Yeah?"

"Will you tell me about the stars?"

Something warm and full washes over him, and Aether brings one of his legs up to lay across Dew's lower back. The little ghoul makes a happy little sound, snuggling closer, and Aether prays to the Unholy Father that he never forgets this exact moment. He settles back into the grass once again.

"Of course, baby boy," he breathes, stunned, "whatever you want."

It takes no time at all for Dew to drift off to the sound of his voice, and Aether is right behind him. Comforted by a familiar body and the blanket of stars above.

He thinks lucky is definitely the right word.

[stormblessed95]

Hi Storm☺

I'm sorry people feel entitled to control your content on your own blog but they never have the balls to talk like that without the anon option...the dark side of the Internet is the courage people get to be nasty and be anonymous 🙄🙄🙄they are fans,I'm sure they have your notifs on and are waiting for the day you'll say okay guys...I am convinced KM aren't together...which...we are now going to progress to some steps which are a bit more difficult...lol

Anyways,do you have a post on KM about them focusing on each other or one focusing on the other when they are surrounded by other people .....

Side note: I just saw how MinGukkie dad's worked really hard to convince them to be the ambassadors...and Minie's dad was the one who told JK's dad🥺

If anyone is curious where the source for the quotes above is from, its here about the Busan World Expo 2022. Article link:

https://news.v.daum.net/v/20220722115315053

And of course, some moments where jikook are just off in their own little world together. Literally in their own bubble lol

Whisper whisper

Naps on set together

Literally no one else existed for them in this moment for real

Jikook jikooking in the background and being quietly off in their own world

The subtle finger touches during this entire backhug moment is the softest thing ever

Any Serendipity moment ever

Grammys 2022, with the giggling together, the subtle touches, the sitting with their feet touching. The cuteness that was their heart eyes in some moments

Literally forgetting anyone else is in the room for a moment I swear. Full attention devoted to each other lol

The way these moments could go on forever. A million more examples able to be given! They are absolutely so cute and precious. And they clearly adore each other!

[yourlocaltrashpandaa]

😈..

Lion-O then started gently kissing each bruise he could see on my trembling body, gliding his tongue over every love bite that decorated my skin~ the softest whimper escaping his throat..

“Azura.. I-I.. I’m sorry, I should’ve been more careful.”

His sweet lips ravishing me in the softest way possible, as if he didn’t just absolutely fuck my brains out merely a few moments ago~ I opened my mouth a few times to try and speak.. but letting out a raspy grown as he took the opportunity to lay butterfly kisses across my throat~ after a few more tries I was finally able to use my voice a little bit..

“Lion-O~ don’t.. apologize… so good.. y-you were.. SO Good~ m-my sweet Mate~”

I couldn’t move at all, my body so deliciously sore and tingling from how much he had me cum.. humming In content as he slowly shifted our bodies, so that he now lay down on his back with me resting on his firm chest~ his arms wrapping around me, one hand on my ass the other tangled in my long hair, rubbing a soothing circular motion on my scalp as he started purring, finally feeling satisfied with our first Mating being completed. the sound was soothing, but the feeling of it gently vibrating through his body and down to his still buried dick deep inside me.. I bit my lip.. “D-Darling~” “Yes, My Queen?”

“You, were serious.. right? Having Cubs~ it wasn’t just.. in the moment?”

He paused, gently bringing his hand that was in my hair down to my side.. after a very tense few seconds, he carefully sat up against the cave wall, making sure he wasn’t moving me too much. the change of position still caused a faint moan to pass my lips, my body melting flush against his soft fur and toned muscles. slowly, Lion-O glided one hand up from my hip to gently cup my cheek, assuring it never once left contact with my skin.. his eyes flickered of burning desire, a sly grin playing on his lips, bringing his face down to press his forehead to mine, our noses brushing lightly.. his voice deep and raspy as he all but whispered against my lips~.

“I.. it was, Sudden.. but I meant it Azura. I did say it in the fog of my Mating rut.. but, I DO want cubs.. after seeing how GOOD you are with Kit&Kat, how you care for all the children of the sanctuary? I’ve wanted nothing more but to fuck my cubs in your belly, Breed you so full till you swell~ for so long..”

His words both delighted, and infuriated me.. When he leaned in to kiss me, I pinched his thigh..

“Ow!?” He looked confused and pouted.. but I spoke up before he could open his mouth again.

“ONE, it’s OUR cubs! Make that slip again and I won’t let you cum in me for the next WEEK! TWO, I’ve been trying to get us some alone time for nearly a month! A MONTH I’ve spent waiting on you, we could’ve been Mating this whole time, We could already be pregnant at this point! I’ll give you 30 seconds to explain why exactly you, my MATE, has avoided claiming me to the point of suffering a RUT… time starting NOW.”

He whined at my threat, knowing I would deny him as punishment, looking panicked with big puppy eyes..

“A-At first I was just scared of hurting you during my Mating cycle, so I thought waiting till it was over to officially Claim you would be best.. But it got worse, till it became a Rut, I’d never experienced that before, it genuinely terrified me… I’m sorry, Azura.”

(Ps. This fic will be the first smut I’ve ever posted.. 🫣 also he dose in fact, get thoroughly punished riiiight after this~)

My honest reaction:

I love it! Your Oc; Azura is feisty 👀

Can’t wait to see more 😏🥰

[destiny-fics]

i loved the pick a card series!

can i request a drabble of demon!wooyoung cooking for(or with) reader for the first time? i know its super vague but im just craving more fluffy woo moments (and i know that cooking is his love language so i thought it would be cute) lol

a/n: Thank you so much for enjoying pick a card! I’m so glad that so many people enjoyed it. As for this request? Yes I can absolutely provide and I'm so so sorry it took so long. I hope you enjoy

Taste Of Love-Jung Wooyoung

[Demon!Jung Wooyoung x Fem!Reader]

Genre: fluff, Pick a Card!au

Warnings: demon!Wooyoung, literally nothing else except Wooyoung being the softest, sweetest boyfriend ever.

Takes place after the events of the Pick a Card series. Read the rest here

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help Woo?"

"Nope," your boyfriend smiled, walking past to press a soft kiss to your lips, before going back to the stove, stirring whatever it was sat atop it which smelt so delicious. Being in your boyfriends' house was honestly one of your favourite things and being in their kitchen while Wooyoung was cooking was even better. To be fair, it was the first time you'd been in the kitchen while Wooyoung was cooking for you, but it was a lovely experience so far. You were sat atop the kitchen bench, just watching him cook, conversation flowing easily between the both of you like it always did. "You're helping plenty already."

"I'm not doing anything though," You tilted your head at him before happily accepting the spoon of food he was holding up to your mouth, "That's delicious."

The bright smile on Wooyoung's face made you smile too and he pecked your cheek, "Thank you. And you're helping at lot, you're a fantastic taste tester."

"You're just saying that cause you like feeding me Woo."

Wooyoung gasped in mocck offence and stepped back, clutching his hand over his heart. "And is that wrong of me? To want to feed my lovers only the best food cooked from my own bare hands?"

You rolled your eyes, stretching out your leg to hook it around his waist, bringing him closer to you once more, "No. That's not wrong of you. I appreciate it a lot actually."

Wooyoung's cheeks pinked and he smiled "You do?"

"Of course I do, we all do Woo."

Wooyoung smiled before standing on his toes to give you a soft kiss. You smiled against his lips, caressing his cheek gently as the two of you kissed. Wooyoung pulled away with a soft smile, laughing when you pouted "You gotta let me go my love, or the food's gonna burn."

"Don't wanna," you whined and locked your ankles together behind Wooyoung's back. He rolled his eyes and whined, struggling in your hold.

"Y/n...baby~ you gotta let me go."

"Do I really have to?"

"Yes, you really have to. I can't feed you delicious food if it's burnt can I?"

"I suppose that's true," you smiled, bringing Wooyoung in for another kiss before letting him go. He smiled before going back to the pot, stirring the contents. You went back to watching him happily, enamoured by your gorgeous boyfriend and his clear passion and love for cooking. He was humming softly along to the song playing through the radio, swaying his hips. At your laugh he turned around, beginning to exaggerate his swaying.

"What is it y/n? You don't like my dancing?"

"Of course I like your dancing Woo," you spoke through giggles, "you're a great dancer."

"Course I am baby," he fumbled to catch a spoon as he knocked it with his hip, sending it tumbling off the counter. "I'm so graceful."

You were laughing harder now and Wooyoung was laughing along with you, almost doubled over as he giggled. "Oh yeah Woo, so, so graceful."

"Hey!" It was difficult for Wooyoung to speak through his laughter "I'm...so graceful."

"Oh absolutely. My sweet, graceful Wooyoungie."

Wooyoung panted softly as his giggles subsided, looking up at you. "Wooyoungie?"

"You don't like it?" You tilted your head with a little pout and Wooyoung cooed.

"No baby. I love it, you've just never called me that before. Not now anyway."

"Did I call you that before? The first time?" You knew Hongjoong and Seonghwa didn't love talking about the first time they all met you, the time which you couldn't remember. But Wooyoung was always happy to talk to you about it.

He nodded "a couple times yeah."

"Hmm, then I think I'll call you that more often." Wooyoung grinned and walked over to peck your lips before beginning to plate up the food.

"Don't think that you have to because you did then. I'm in love with the you now. Just the way you are."

"Well yeah, but surely there are things I did back then that you guys miss."

"I mean, not really," Wooyoung handed you your plate and some cutlery. "The others might have some, you should talk to them about it."

"I've tried. You're the only one who talks about before with me," you sighed and picked up a piece of the meat Wooyoung had put on your plate, humming softly as you ate it. "Honestly I'm pretty sure Hongjoong and Hwa love to pretend it never happened."

Wooyoung sighed softly and put his plate to the side, kissing the side of your head, "they don't my love. They just don't want you to feel like you can't compete with...yourself. Or like they're not as in love with the you now as they were."

"But I don't feel like that."

"I know you don't sweet thing. But, if you really want to talk to the others about before, then you should let them know."

You nodded "You're right Woo. I should."

Wooyoung smiled and picked his plate back up, motioning to yours, "good. Now eat, before those demons come home and clear the kitchen out."

You laughed before beginning to eat your food, basking in the calm, warm, loving environment Wooyoung had provided for you with both his food and his presence. Even if you did occasionally feel like you were competing with your past self, you knew that Wooyoung would kick those insecurities in the face, make you a meal and then kiss you until you felt better.

And you knew that your other boyfriends would do the same.

Because if anything, they loved you more now, then they did back then.

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[garoujo]

omg omg omg omg emmie!!!!!!! reo in the new chapter leaks has me……absolutely feral……like!!!! how can he be that hot!!!!! i need more reo content asap!!! and omg nagi looks so soft in them i’m sobbing!!! (p.s. i’m so sorry for always being in your inbox i just love u and ur blog so much!!!) <33 have a great day bby!!

hiiii bbie !!! eeeee the new chapter leaks has us all going crazy istg !!! everyone looks so good i was literally running around my room i was in the walls ૮꒰ྀིゝ。∂ ྀི꒱ა omigosh don’t apologise !! i love having u in my inbox sm ur so sweet <33 NAGI IS SOFTEST BOY EVER ! CONFIRMED ! he’s so pretty i literally feel all doughy + heart eyes snifle >_< starboy alert !!! our boys were looking v delish .. i hope u hav the most amazing day + im so happy u enjoy my blog sm u wanna visit sobbing rn <3

[hoozoo]

The @stuckyfanzine has been shipped and already arrived at some lucky people’s homes 😊 (I can’t wait for my own copy!!!) so here’s the full version of my submission 💕

Pre-orders have been closed, but!! if you missed it: There’s currently a second shop opening for both digital and physical copies of the zine!

⭐⭐⭐  https://stuckyzine.tictail.com/ ⭐⭐⭐

also on twitter

thumbnails/sketches (forever sad i couldnt quite translate the colors and mood in the finished version 😭)

[ahogedetective]

a teddy bear was the only gift that Santa brought little Ari this year. oh, & it was the softest & fluffiest teddy Ari felt ... well, nearly. as grateful as she felt to receive such a wonderful bear, Ari already had one that remained to be her favorite -- it was kindly gifted to her by Shuichi! -- so ... if she has something so wonderful ... & this is the time for giving ... her idea made sense in her head. the caretakers understood, too, helping Ari stuff the bear in a glittery & festive box & label it to the person in her life that deserved something as special as the precious bear.

now, she sat in front of her brother - figure, underneath a pine in the park ( not quite like a decorated tree, but still the tree of the season ). a cheerful, genuine smile danced on her lips as she offered the box forward. " i ... it's for Shu, pl - please. I ... I would like for shhh ... Shu to have this, fff ... for Shu's happy holiday ... ! " // holiday inbox call! 🎁 ( I'm not sure if you would like for Shuichi to know that this was her only gift - somehow, perhaps through the caregivers! - but I shall leave that up to you! I don't mind, either way 😅 regardless ... even if this was the only gift she got, Ari feels that something so special should go to him. happy holidays, Kay! may they be as festive & bright & just as wonderful as you are 🌱 )

Being able to spend some time with Ari today for Christmas; it made Shuichi really happy. In fact, one of the caregivers had actually contacted him first, asking if he would be able to see Ari today, even if just for a little while. He eagerly replied that he could, as he was hoping he would be able to spend some time with Ari today, anyway. Though they had also told him something interesting in the text: that Ari insisted she must give the singular form of joy Santa gave her with him. It made him wonder why they exactly meant by that, as it did sound pretty vague... but maybe they would rather him find out for himself, once she sees him.

As they sat under the pine tree together, he gives a curious smile when she goes to sit in front of him. When seeing the glittery box- “!” His eyes widen in surprise, curiosity growing as he accepts it. “For me? Aww, Ari: you’re so sweet... thank you! I already love it before I even know what it is, hehe... but now, let’s see what it is!”

Opening it, he uttered the softest gasp when seeing the very fluffy teddy bear inside. “O-Oh my god... “ He was instantly in love with it the moment he saw it, slowly taking it out of its box. “Ohh, Ari, i-it’s so soft, and cute... I love it.” But as he looks at the bear... the realization hits him. The singular form of joy Santa gave her. Which must have meant that... she was gifting him the only thing she received for Christmas this year?

“Ah-!” The fluffy expression on his face turns into one of shock, body flailing slightly in his spot. He stammers out in a slight panic: “W...W-Wait a second!! Ari, are you... are you sure? I...i-isn’t this... the only gift you have received? And you’re giving it to me?! I...!”

‘Couldn’t possibly’, he almost was going to say, but very quickly quiets himself. He was afraid that if he said that, then it might make Ari think he was going to reject her gift to him, and surely make her sad... and making Ari sad, even if by accident, was something he would never wish to do. He’d be so angry at himself if he ever did that. Because it wasn’t as if he truly didn’t want to accept her gift. He does, but a part of him wouldn’t help but feel so bad for taking the only gift she has gotten. Even if he knows he’s gifted her a similar one before, he would still feel a little bad accepting it.

But at the same time.... Ari says she wants him to have this. Despite all of that, Ari wanted to gift her special present to Shuichi. “.......” Now that the realization hit him, he felt so silly for thinking about this the wrong way. He shouldn’t feel bad... rather; he feels special. Special that Ari wanted to give her such a special bear. “....H-Haha....” After a few soft exhales to compose himself, an even brighter, happier smile than ever before was on his face. “....Your big brother is such a dummy, Ari. I’m sorry; I hope I didn’t make you worry just now with my panicking. I was just worried that you were not going to have such a lovely gift originally for you anymore, but.... you want me to have this because it’s special, right? Ohhh, Ari...”

Now he was getting emotional... not being able to help the way his eyes become misty as he hugs the teddy bear close to his heart. He then takes a moment to hug the bear snug in one arm... and then carefully using both arms; he lifts Ari up slightly, so that he can place her on his lap. And now, he’s hugging both her and the teddy bear close against him. The most special gift, and most special little sister: snug in his arms...

“....Ari.” He whispers very softly. “Thank you. Thank you so much. Words cannot describe how happy and special you made me feel just now. To want to give me your special gift... I’m the world’s luckiest brother, to have a wonderful little sister like you. I promise, with all my heart: that I’m going to take absolute care of it. You made my Christmas one I’m going to absolutely remember forever...! And I hope that... I will be able to make your Christmas a very happy one soon, too...” Hoping that it is okay.... he places the softest peck to the top of her head. "You’re the best little sister, ever: I love you, Ari. Thank you so much, once more...”

[notepadsandtealeaves]

Asahi A. || Not-SFW ABCs A Thot’s Thoughts 💦

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↠ Requested By: The Thirst™ ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: HELLA NSFW ((MINORS, BE GONE!! *Suga side chop’s you into the abyss*)) ↠ Chronology: Post time skip ↠ CWs/TWs: Any applicable warnings can be found before their respective section, tho I’ll throw in a general warning for my particular brand of wordy fuckery as well as extreme amounts of thirst for one Asahi Azumane. ↠ Betas? Where they do that at?? ↠ Total WC: 17.3k~ ((sorry, not sorry lmfaooo))

…pls, sir, I’m begging you—unchain my gd heart, you’re not even REAL I cannot be down this bad for a 2D anime man, please…

Let me love you, Mister Azumane…

Here by popular demand—and by that I mean that both myself and @screamin-abt-haikyuu​ really needed this to be a thing that I wrote lmfao… ((Also sorry that it took me so long, girlie! I don’t even have an excuse, I just suck lmao))

Anyways!

Ngl, this is just me being horny on main thirsting over my softest 2D husband for 17k+ words, so that’s a thing. Other than that there isn’t much else to it, as this is p. much what it says on the tin.

To all my fellow Asahi fuckers: come and be fed.

Aftercare || What they’re like after sex.

Though Asahi is an absolute pro when it comes to aftercare, it takes him a minute to actually get to it. Given how, ahem, thorough he is during each session this shouldn’t really come as a surprise.

Unless there’s a pressing need, he’s gonna pull you in for a little afterglow cuddle session. Even though you’ve just completed an act that brings you as close to oneness as any two beings can be, he cannot help but to crave the contact. Sex is a very intense and intimate thing for him, and it always leaves this soft and precious man well inside his feelings. He tends to get a bit clingy afterwards, ngl, but it’s so sweet and endearing that I promise you that you won’t mind it at all—in fact you’ll come to crave it just as much as he does after your first session or your money back! That’s the Immy Guarantee™!

His hands will skate along the sweat-dampened skin of your back, tracing nonsensical patterns in the mist there as he tries to will his still pounding heart to sync up with yours. Though he babbles a lot during the act itself, he has a tendency to go silent afterwards; like, even if you’re talking to him he’s more opt to reply with little contented hums and huffs, maybe the occasional word or short sentence. It would probably be a little off-putting if you weren’t so close to one another.

If you’ve gotten to this point in your relationship then you’re well aware of his tendency towards reticence. At the end of the day Asahi’s v. much a thinker; for better or for worse he spends a good portion of his time living in his head, and you know this. Naturally you’re the one person he’s most open/vocal around, but even with you he oftentimes falls back into old habits, if only for the comfort factor of it all. He loves the fact that he can just exist with you, can totally be himself without fear of judgement or unwanted commentary. Even if you don’t always understand his habits, you get him, and really that’s the most important thing.

If you were to ever ask him what he’s thinking during these quiet moments the answer will always be a simple “You.” If you ask him to elaborate because, yanno, that’s hella vague, he’ll just toss you a dreamy little smile before saying, “Us, our future, everything… I want it all and I want it with you.” ((pls, sir, I’m begging you—unchain my gd heart, you’re not even REAL I cannot be down this bad for a 2D anime man, please ;n;))

But back to the HC at hand.

Once he’s caught his breath he’ll leave you swaddled up in blankets with a bottle of water and an after-sex snack of your choosing as he gets the bathroom ready for the cleanup. Depending on what you want, he’s either running a bath—complete with all of the fixings—or getting the shower set up. Either way he’s joining you—yanno, providing you aren’t adamant about bathing alone for whatever reason. If you’ve chosen the bath, be prepared to get a nice rub down while you soak; he’ll also wash your hair (and the rest of you, too) if you want. And please, for the love of all that is good and holy, return the favor. He absolutely adores the way your fingers feel on his sudsy skin, and if you bury them in his wet locks?

Bruh.

He’s gone, past tense, deceased. Here lies Asahi Azumane, cause of death: intense relaxation via the love of his life’s magic fingers.

Tho his hands will be all over you, don’t expect anything to pop off unless you initiate it. He’s really just looking to be close to you at this point, but if you were to express the desire for something a bit more involved he wouldn’t be opposed.

Showers p. much run along the same lines, with the only major change being that you’ll probably get done faster since you don’t have the luxury/comfort of sitting. They do make any potential second rounds easier tho since you don’t have to worry about trying to keep the floor dry—but like also have fun trying to keep your balance lol.

Regardless of whatever you do or do not get up to in the bathroom, you’re getting carried back to your bedroom, no exceptions. Tbh, the only real say you have in the matter is if it’s piggyback, princess, or koala style lol. ((and yes, my dear royal, he can pick you up, because he’s v. big and v. strong and v. fictional more’s the gd pity, and also because these are my HCs and I say so, so there)) He’s gonna plop you down in the chair that you’re now fairly certain he purchased for the sole purpose of giving you somewhere comfortable to sit while he changes the sheets. If you tried out something new during the session, this’ll be the time you discuss it/what you did and did not like/etc.; other than that it’s just general chatter or comfortable silences, it all just depends on the vibes.

Once he’s got that squared away he’s gonna pick you up again and tuck you both between the crisp sheets. He’s definitely the type to use the chill that has yet to be driven away as an excuse for you to curl around one another, the silly man. As if anyone needs an excuse to get cozy with a human teddy bear like himself lol. His preferred positioning is really anything that either leaves you directly on top of him or with him curled up around you, but honestly he isn’t too picky; so as long as you’re close he’s content, so chose whichever configuration suits you best.

No matter how you finally choose to settle down, his steadily deepening breaths and the metronomic beat of his heart will be the thing that lulls you into yet another restful night’s sleep.

Body Part || Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s.

On himself it’s probably his shoulders/back—well the whole of his torso, really, but those two areas especially.

For as long as he can remember people have always been annoyingly vocal about their opinions on his appearance, be that good or bad. But regardless of which side of the fence they land on no one can deny the fact that he’s big. Sure he’s v. tall—I personally canon him to top out at 6’3”, but even his canon height of 6’1” is far above the national average—but what’s more, he’s broad. Asahi is just a thick ass boy, with his heavy musculature and those wideset shoulders and broad chest… Smfh, shit don’t make no gd sense, what he doing with all that body??

…right, anyways! Dude’s an absolute unit and a thirst trap besides, and while there are still those out there that find his build to be intimidating, there are even more that, ahem, greatly appreciate the impressive silhouette that he cuts.

The few partners (term used loosely here, as those relationships didn’t amount to much) he’s had as well as the more bold among his admirers have all expressed their admiration of his form as well they should. His broad shoulders, perfectly toned arms, and Greek god-esque torso—good god, his V-cut is dangerous, like that shit should legit be illegal—are all just *chef’s kiss* Beach days/anything else that gets him topless are an absolute blessing that will leave you believing in a higher power if you don’t already because there’s no gd way that a man like that exists purely by happenstance.

As he’s gotten older he’s learned to not put too much stock into the opinions of others, but he has to admit that he doesn’t really mind such talk. Hell, it’s flattering if nothing else—even if it does leave him flustered all to be damned. He’s worked damn hard to obtain and maintain his physique, and while he does this primarily for himself, well…

There’s nothing wrong with others enjoying the fruits of his labor, yeah? Especially if it’s you we’re talking about.

He’s long since developed an appreciation for these parts of his body, but it’s what they do for you specifically that really makes them stand out in his eyes. One of the things that absolutely does it for him is when you snuggle into him for various reasons. Whether you’re seeking comfort after a bad day, looking for a cuddle session, or in need of sleep, you always end up wrapped up in his arms with your head pillowed against his chest. His heartbeat has served as your own personal lullaby far more times than either of you can count, and that just hits with him, like…

For you feel comfortable enough with him to not only share such a gentle, intimate moment, but to also be able to relax enough to fall asleep? That is everything to him. It’s a level of trust and intimacy that he’s never had with a partner before and he just… He falls a little bit deeper for you every time it happens—in fact he almost (definitely) tears up a lil those first few times, ngl lol.

And when he’s inside of you, hips pressed flush and cock buried so deep that neither of you can tell where one ends and the other begins, your hands always make their way to his back. His shoulders serve as anchor and attraction, with the feeling of his muscles bunching and releasing with the rolling snap of each thrust driving you ever closer to the edge as such a display of his raw power is wont to do. The length of his back is always converted into your own personal scratching post when the pleasure becomes too much and you desperately need an outlet for the tension. The sting of your nails biting into his flesh only adds to his pleasure, honestly (as does seeing you go feral for his dick, fuck if he doesn’t absolutely love that shit) so don’t be shy about digging in.

He wears the resulting scratches with a quiet pride; he’s not one to flaunt your bedroom activities to even his closest friends, but if anyone were to see the angry, raised red lines that litter the expanse of his back, well… His replying blush would be well at odds with the little self-satisfied smirk that pulls at his lips. His making you feel so damn good that you’re reduced to such a base, nearly bestial state will always be one of his greatest accomplishments.

Now if it’s your body that we’re talking about then his favorite area’s gotta be the neck.

In the same way you seek your comfort out in his arms/pressed against the beat of his heart, he finds his own when his head is tucked away in the space between your shoulder and jaw. He loves to bury his nose against your soft skin and inhale your scent, cannot get enough of the way you squirm and giggle as he peppers a flurry of kisses (as well as the occasional nip, if he’s feeling especially teasing) to the delicate column. Another thing that he really likes doing is pressing his lips against your pulse point and just lingering? Idk why, I just feel it in my heart that that’s something he does lol. He finds it super comforting for whatever reason; it’s almost as if he’s reminding himself that you’re here with him—safe, sound, and happy.

And when the world is getting on top of him, when invasive thoughts and insecurities that he’s yet to vanquish in full start to hound him, that little cubby becomes a place of solace and safety for him. It doesn’t matter what your size is in comparison to his, you’re always gonna be his port in any storms that life forces him to weather. He’ll just tuck his head in there, breathe deeply, and wait for the steady beat of your heart to calm him. Sometimes he’ll talk, others he’ll listen to your reassurances, and others still you’ll both lay there silently offering succor and accepting it in turn. In any event, make sure that you play with his hair, it’ll help to relax the both of you.

On the less innocent side of things—dude really likes to mark up your neck.

It’s always the quiet/shy ones that be the biggest freaks lmao. And while Asahi isn’t the most out there when it comes to such things, he has found that he has a bit of a possessive streak on him. Nothing soothes that particular itch quite like seeing the evidence of his pointed attentions speckled across the thin skin there. Everything from hickeys to actual bite marks are fair game, tho the latter will always be done by accident; he does like biting, but not that hard. Friction burns are also a thing that’ll occasionally happen thanks to his face scruff, but he’s usually mindful enough that it isn’t something you have to deal with on the regular.

He gets that this isn’t everybody’s thing, so if you’re opposed he’ll abstain, but if you are down… Best to invest in a lot of scarves and high-necked tops, maybe some concealer too for good measure lol…

Cum || Anything to do with cum basically…

CW for talks of unprotected sex. Also cum. Lots and lots of cum talk, tho that’s to be expected considering lol…

It should first be said that Asahi’s favorite place to cum will always be inside you. Mouth, ass, cunt (if you’re in possession of one)—it’s all good to him. Doing so in a condom isn’t nearly as satisfying a way to finish as it is when he’s hitting it raw, but he understands the safety aspect, and he’ll always respect your boundaries besides. Tho once you do allow him to abandon the wrap…

You’re gonna be in for it for the next month at least.

Dude’s gonna be so drunk off of the feel of your walls wrapping around him without that added layer that he’s not gonna be able to control himself. Expect to be filled up to the brim and beyond with his cum. And he cums a lot. The phrase ‘paint your walls’ was made for this man specifically lol. His loads are thick and almost startlingly white, and there’s always so damn much every damn time… Seriously it shouldn’t be possible for him to produce that much cum that frequently/consistently, and yet…

He loves watching it drip out of you in a viscous stream, your thoroughly fucked-out body—overly-sensitive and still twitching from the lingering vestiges of your last orgasm—pushing it from your quivering hole in steady pulses. If you let him he’ll gladly gather it up on his fingers and push it back in just to watch it come sliding out again, a thing he’ll be hella embarrassed about once the sex fog lifts from his brain. He’s never considered himself overly kinky per se, and honestly this isn’t even that out there, but he’s self-conscious about it either way so please—even if you’re not a fan—don’t tease him about it.

Dirty Secret || Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs.

This isn’t a ‘dirty secret’ so much as it’s just embarrassing for him, and thusly he’s determined to take it to his grave, but… He’s an avid pillow humper—or, well, he used to be before you came along.

Dude wasn’t even getting so much as a kiss in high school since half of the people there were terrified of him while the other half didn’t think he was worth pursuing for various bullshit reasons (their loss, I say). Once his college years came around and he finally started dating he wasn’t exactly the type to get too into the physical stuff too quickly. He wanted to make sure that his partner was interested in him as a man and not just in it for his body, yanno?

It took him a long time to be comfortable enough for anything more than some heavy petting, and even then it never really went beyond hand stuff. As a result Asahi’s an absolute fingering god, btw; he can and will reduce to you to a puddle with little more than a few pointed movements of those ridiculously long digits, but I digress, so let’s move on.

So yeah, sex wasn’t really a thing he was having prior to you, albeit by choice, but he still had his needs and that’s where the pillow came in lol. Fairly early on he found that he preferred audios to visual porn, so after grabbing a pillow, he’d queue up a few of those, pop in his earbuds, and get to it. Even with a good amount of lube the act would become uncomfy (not to mention messy) fairly quickly, so he’d usually end up fisting his cock somewhere towards the middle of things. The added buffer gave him something a bit nicer to thrust into while he ground his way to completion. Right before he came he’d always be sure to flip over so as not to ruin the pillow completely—not that it really made much of a difference given how much he leaked even before spilling, but yeah lol.

He was so glad when he was finally able to give up this particular habit if for no other reason than he didn’t have to try to sneak his cum pillow into the wash at o’dark-thirty anymore lmao…

Experience || How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?

Tho he has had a few encounters prior to settling down with you, it was nothing too extensive. As I said literally in the last letter, things never really got too far beyond the heavy petting phase.

Aside from fingering/hand jobs and the like, any and all real experience he acquired either through the few bits of visual porn he consumed, over-sharing conversations with The Boys™, or from trial and error with you. This made for some awkward situations here and there, but honestly I think it would be kind of fun helping him learn or fumbling through together if you were just as inexperienced.

As a result his skills are very you-centric (dude can, no lie, take you apart in five minutes or less lol), but it’s just as well as he doesn’t plan on giving you up anytime soon—or ever, really—if he can help it.

Favorite Position || This goes without saying.

Brief talk of breeding kinks and implied impregnation attempts, Reader’s gender be damned lol.

↠ This precious sap is an absolute sucker for missionary.

He knows that it’s v. vanilla of him, but like… it just hits on so many levels. The closeness, the intimacy, his being able to see your every expression, and then there is the whole size kink thing that he’s got going on lmao. Even if you’re of a comparable stature or larger than him it doesn’t really matter; in his eyes you’ll always look so small, sweet, and vulnerable when you’re underneath him like this. Having you desperately holding on to him—arms anchored around his neck and legs wrapped snugly around his hips as you urge him to take you impossibly deeper, with your whimpers, moans, and sighs rising up to soothe his eager ears? Yeah, that shit’s *chef’s kiss*

↠ In a similar vein he loves a good mating press.

Or really any position that allows him to take you nice and deep, but mating presses are especially favored, because again—eye contact. He absolutely lives for watching your face contort under the strain of your bliss. Dilated pupils that eclipse nearly the whole of your irises, the wrinkle of your brow, the way your pretty lips part around pants and words of praise (or if you’re fucked-out enough, the way your tongue lolls out of your mouth, liquid leaking from the corners of lips and eyes both as you succumb to the pleasure that’s wracking your frame), and the light sheen of sweat the covers the whole of your skin…

…needless to say his taking you like this puts him in a mood lol.

He’s not usually one for especially involved dirty talk (intentionally, that is; but with how much he talks during he does it a lot without thinking lol), but the minute he’s got your legs pressed up against your chest absolute filth pours out of his mouth. He’ll swear up and down that he does not have a breeding kink, but his constant promises to fill you up until your body has no choice but to submit and make you even more his says otherwise lmao. He doesn’t even care if it’s actually possible or not, won’t even remember half of what he’s saying once he comes down from his high, but fuck if it isn’t hot as hell in the moment.

↠ Rounding out the top three is literally anything that gets you on top of him.

Doesn’t matter if you’re fully taking the reins or if he’s guiding your hips with gentle, but insistent hands as he thrusts up into you, he loves it all. As you can probably tell by now, he’s v. much into the visual aspect of things. He loves watching the way your body reacts while it’s bouncing on his cock. The way it bobs and sways in time with the combined rolling of your hips is hypnotic to the point where he’s over-stimmed you both on multiple occasion because he just cannot stand to lose that view ((and also because he’s very much into over-stimulation in general, but more on that in ‘K’ 👀))

Goofy || Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous? Etc.

Eh, it honestly just depends. As he’s gotten older, Asa’s become comfortable with allowing things to happen as they may. Yes, he greatly values plans and structure if for no other reason than they help to soothe his anxiety, but he’s not so locked into things that deviation will ruin him/send him straight into a panic attack, yanno?

With you especially he’s found that he’s more than comfortable with following your moods, so if you’re looking for a lighter, more carefree romp he’s down. Likewise he’s just as willing to make the sweetest love to you as he is to blow your back out. It all just depends on what it is you’re both looking for.

Now if we’re talking his default setting, he’s more apt to want something sweet and meaningful. As I’ve already established, he sees sex as something sacred; it’s the ultimate form of human connection, and as such he treats it with all due reverence. If left to his own devices, he’ll worship at the altar of your body for as long as you’ll allow him to.

That said he still likes to tease a bit, but it’s always on the lighter side of things when he’s like this. He doesn’t deny you anything for long, but he does like to make you use your words, so expect lots of How do you want me?’s and Tell me what you need, sweetheart’s and the like. He loves seeing you get all flustered as you struggle to form a proper response, it’s just so damn cute to him. But if it ever gets to be too much all you gotta do is give him The Look and he’ll be quick to give you what you need because he’s soft af for you.

Hair || How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.

The carpet would match the drapes if he bothered to keep it around lol.

Asahi’s a v. well-groomed individual in general, one with a penchant for minimalistic styles and sleek lines. That this translates over in such a way is kinda odd, ngl, but it’s whatever. He doesn’t really grow much body hair and what little there is there is more of a nuisance than anything so he opts to get rid of it. He waxes everything below his neck—and I do mean everything. There’s not one bit of stray hair to be found on this man, do you hear me? ((yes, I’m well aware that this isn’t exactly the norm in Japan, but this is a horny set of HCs so just go with it lol))

That said, he doesn’t mind it if his partner’s not likewise inclined. At the end of the day it’s your body, and you’re free to do with it as you please. He would like it if you kept things neat and trimmed down there, but honestly this boy gets so drunk on you so quickly that he won’t really be fussed by the length of your hair once you get into things.

Intimacy || How are they during the moment, the romantic aspect…

Asahi is the ultimate romantic—do not fight me on this, you don’t want this smoke, I promise you lmao.

But seriously, look at this man whom is the embodiment of sweetness and adoration for all things you and try to tell me that he wouldn’t worship you like a devout supplicant.

Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought.

Like I said back in ‘G’, he’s all for Love Making™, so it should come as no surprise that he’s v. much into the romance of it all. He’s definitely the type to hold your hands while he fucks you nice and slow and deep, a dopey lil lovesick grin pulling at his lips while his eyes stay fixed on yours. It’ll certainly leave your heart (among other things) aching.

He’s also very into setting a scene. You’ve come home on more than one occasion to find a trail of rose petals (plucked by his very own fingers from a bouquet purchased specifically for this purpose rip to your now stained carpet lmao …he used silk petals every time after that) leading you from the front door to your shared bedroom—a room that has been totally decked out with more flowers, mood lighting, and a ‘let me rearrange your guts, but in a loving and respectful way’ playlist filling the perfumed air.

Is this sappy and cliché? Hell yes.

Does that make it any less endearing? Hell no.

Asahi just has this unwitting charm about himself that keeps the whole storybook romance thing that he’s so given to from feeling disingenuous. With anyone else it would seem uninspired or like they were trying too hard, but with him you know it’s real.

When he’s bearing his heart to you in such a sincere manner, how can you do anything but accept it—accept him—with the same level of unabashed devotion?

Jack Off || The Masturbation Headcanon™

He doesn’t really have strong feelings on it one way or another. It’s pleasurable, yes, but at the end of the day it’s more akin to maintenance than anything in his eyes.

Prior to getting with you he was able to get by with a solo session once, maybe twice a week. His sex drive was on the lower end of normal, but given his proclivities it was something that was actually by design. He saw no real point in keeping himself frustrated when he knew he wouldn’t be able to really do much about it, yanno? And even when he was in his former relationships the frequency with which he masturbated didn’t really change, tbh.

Once with you he doesn’t really bother with getting himself off because why would he when he’s got a perfectly beautiful, loving, and very much willing partner right here? Ofc this doesn’t mean that he expects you to perform on command or anything. He’s always v. respectful and mindful of your desires, so if you’re not in the mood for whatever reason he’s more than willing to keep a lid on things. That said he probably still won’t take matters into his own hands (pun very much intended lol), preferring instead to save it all up for you…

…this may have led to you walking with a limp a time or several, but we don’t talk about that lmao…

Kink || One or more of their kinks.

There aren’t too many CWs to be found here, but what few there are will be before the applicable section.

Other than that, please mind the titles! If the subject matter is something that doesn’t sit well with you for whatever reason then simply skip over it.

Asahi doesn’t think of himself as being especially kinky per se, buuut…

Overall he’s naturally on the more vanilla side of things, with his dom streak being the kinkiest thing about him. Could he be convinced to move outside of his comfort zone? Sure. So long as you respect his limits and give him time to do his research he’s willing to at least try most things with/for you.

All that said, here’s a list of what I think to be his top five six kinks in no real order—enjoy~ ;)

1 || Dom/Sub Dynamics

CW/TW for the daddy kink I’m sure this man has lmao. I’ve marked those bits off with a ‼ (4 in total) so you can skip over it if you so choose.

Also shades of dumbification on Asahi’s part (yes, it gets that real lol) further in the section.

↠ Listen, Asahi Azumane is a dom-leaning switch and nothing you say can convince me otherwise.

↠ He’s pretty adaptable as far as doms go, with the exception being him being especially mean.

He just cannot bring himself to mistreat you, even if you’re begging for it, but more on that in ‘N’.

It should also be said that he’s a very reluctant brat tamer lol. Like he can do it, but honestly it’s not his favorite.

A spot of defiance here and there is fine and a bit fun, but when you’re constantly pushing against him just for the sake of it, it gets boring to him tbh, and no small bit frustrating.

We can only ever filter things through the lenses that we collect throughout our lifetime, and well, Asahi has dealt with a lot of bull when it comes to people treating him poorly.

Ofc he knows that’s not what this is about at all, but your constantly going against him runs a bit too closely to memories and past experiences that he’d really rather not be thinking about when he’s trying to be with you like this.

So yeah, I personally think that hard brats should probably miss him as things are bound to go sideways, and sooner rather than later.

↠ His default setting is that of a pleasure dom.

((…am I using this term right? Idk, and I’m too lazy to look it up lol))

What I mean by that is that, when he’s giving in to his more natural urges he’s sweet, but firm, with his only real concern being making you feel as good as possible.

He’s naturally very attentive, caring, and an absolute expert on all things you. That he uses these traits to systematically take you apart in the bedroom shouldn’t come as a surprise, honestly.

He really likes to make you use your words because watching your brain struggle to articulate a request through the sex fog/your flustered state/etc. in real time is just so damn cute to him.

He’s definitely the type to give you all the orgasms that your body can handle—and maybe one or two more beyond that because he’s got a thing for over-stimulation, but I’ve got a whole section dedicated to that so let’s move on.

‼ So about that daddy kink that I mentioned earlier lmao…

Look, I know—I know, but hear me out.

So this is a kink that he will probably never realize he has until you flip that switch.

He will not be the one to insist on or initiate this, but if you were to ever call him Daddy, even jokingly, he’d be… intrigued to say the least.

If it does initially happen in a joking manner and-or outside the bedroom he’ll be going a shade even as he tells you that “–you shouldn’t be starting something you can’t finish, little love” because he’ll be damned if he’s gonna be the only one left flustered.

Though he’s p. sure you were kidding he cannot stop thinking of the way the word rolled off of your tongue, how it sounded so good, so sweet, even with the underlying teasing lilt—and that’s saying nothing of the way those two syllables went straight to his cock, like…

Yeah, needless to say our boy has just unlocked the trophy for a hidden kink lol.

‼ Ngl, he’s not really sure what to do with any of this at first.

He’ll sit on his discovery for a little bit as he tries to come to terms with things, and he’ll definitely do some research (first and foremost to make sure there’s nothing wrong with him lol) and also to learn about the dynamics of the kink and such.

He’ll find that he’s not into things fully—like he’s not really looking to carry the dynamic outside of the bedroom in a full on Daddy/Little type deal.

In fact what he wants hasn’t actually changed. He’s always wanted to take care of you, to make sure your every need and desire is not just met, but given to you in abundance—now he just has a new label he can attach to it.

But even with it all mostly sorted out in his head he’ll be v. reluctant to bring it up to you unless he knows it’s something you’re into.

This is one of those kinks that people are very rarely neutral on, and he never wants to risk making you uncomfortable, esp. over something that’s not a must for him, so unless you broach the subject yourself he more than likely won’t either.

‼ Now if you were to call him this on accident in the bedroom, or better yet with intent, he’ll roll with it beautifully.

He’s already a god-tier dom, but you add this kink in the mix and…

Whew chile, let me tell you.

Dude’ll instantly start calling himself Daddy and he’s gonna make sure you keep doing the same. He may let the occasional slip of his name or an endearment slide if he sees that he’s fucked you dumb, but he’s pretty into the use of the title so don’t expect to get away with it too often.

In general he’ll be even more intent on you using your words because he wants Daddy’s pretty baby to tell him how they feel, what they want and need. Ofc he may not always give you the former, but you’ll always, always get the latter.

‼ This isn’t something that he always indulges in, and will rarely initiate himself. Nine times outta ten you’ll have to flip that switch if you want to get him into that mode, but when you do you’ll instantly become his baby boy/baby doll/baby girl/pretty baby—no exceptions lol.

↠ No matter the flavor of dom, he always makes sure to take good care of his sweetheart.

Before, during, and after the act he always makes sure that you’re feeling good. He absolutely pampers you to hell and back.

He just wants to spoil you rotten, really—tbh, it low-key, high-key gets him off lol.

↠ On the other side of the spectrum we have subby Asahi.

Pillow prince? Pillow prince.

What? He just really likes being coddled, okay?

But he’s not bratty or pushy about things, no he’s the absolute sweetest boy you could ask for.

He’s always asking you to take care of him, to make him feel good… Has really good manners too, saying please and thank you without prompting unless he’s gone nonverbal from the pleasure.

Speaking of which—fuck him or ride him, it’s all good because it’s all you.

However, comma, he really likes it when you ride him—especially if you do it well beyond the point of his orgasm.

But again, there’s a section about that, so let’s move on.

Anyways! He absolutely loves it when you take the reins.

Even when he’s the one being pampered he really gets off on the fact that he’s making you feel good.

The idea of you using him to get yourself off Does Things to him, ngl, so if you tie him up and take what you need… Yeah, it’s game over for him.

He’s also not opposed to the use of titles, so if there’s something you wanna be called just let him know.

↠ If you’re fucking him—be that with your cock or a strap—be prepared for him to turn into a whining, crying mess.

He begs so pretty, you’ll be hard pressed to deny him anything—especially when his eyes get all glassy and his mouth pouts up.

((I swear, even if you’re a dedicated sub like me, this man will turn you into a switch with how damn cute and needy he gets when he drops into subspace.))

He always gets so damn clingy when you’re taking him. Like dude will legit lock his arms around you, bury his face against your neck, and whine as he rolls his hips in time with your thrusts.

Watching him go feral like that is hot ofc, but if you want a bit more agency in things simply tell him to keep his hands to himself. He’s a v. good listener, never mind the fact that he wants to be good for you, so he’ll do his best to comply.

Tying him up is also an option, and one that he’s not at all opposed to, just so ya know.

His cock always gets so damn leaky and twitchy when you’re inside of him. It’s an enticing sight to be sure, but unless you want him to bust fairly quickly resist the urge to stroke him–

–well unless you want to get into that over-stimming we talked about before lol.

Also he’s really good about using his safeword/actions, so you never have to worry about pushing him further than what he’s okay with.

(But be sure to check in with him periodically regardless—that’s what a good and caring dom should always do!)

↠ No matter how things go down be sure to heap on the praise because honey’s most definitely got a praise kink a mile wide which leads me to my next point…

2 || Praise

CW for mentions of mirror sex. Yeah, uhh… our boy likes to watch you watching yourself fall apart lol…

↠ Asahi’s praise kink is off the fucking charts, and it goes both ways.

↠ He is absolutely the most affirming partner you’ll ever have. This is partly due to him being a sex babbler (see ‘V’ for more on that), and partly because he really wants you to know just how good you’re making him feel.

And rest assured, you are absolutely sending him. His head’s not empty tho, and how could it be when it’s so full up on thoughts of you?

He always thinks that you’re the prettiest person to ever ever, but he cannot help but to find you especially striking when you’re coming undone in his arms.

The sight’s so mesmerizing, in fact, that he thinks you should get to see it too.

He has definitely propped you up in his lap a time or several—your back pressed firmly against his (broad, so damn b r o a d, I wanna climb him please) chest, legs tossed over either side of his own, and head firmly fixed towards the mirror before you.

It may be a bit embarrassing at first, having yourself laid bare in such a manner, but all it takes is one look at Asahi to settle the worst of your nerves. The unabashed adoration—love, desire—that is written plain and pure across his face won’t allow for you to feel anything but beautiful in that moment.

Add to that the sweet words he’s whispering in your ear—murmurs of how breathtaking you look all spread open and wanting, and how prettily you fall apart for him, as well as declarations of love and promises to make you feel just as good as you’re making him feel, all spoken between his own sounds of pleasure—and you’ll be falling apart well before either of you expects.

Ofc this isn’t anything new, he’s always like this with you, but it just hits different when you can finally see all that longing and love syruping through both of your eyes in real time.

↠ Naturally Asahi loves to be praised just as much, but dammit if it doesn’t leave him flustered every time.

It’s so funny because words of affirmation are probably his favorite way to receive affection, but at the same time it short circuits him?

Knowing that you think so fondly of him in general turns him to goo, but the minute that shit carries over into the bedroom–

*Asahi.exe has stopped working*

At the start of things he turns SO red, like to the point where it’s actually legitimately concerning—like my guy, please don’t literally pass out on me while you’re balls deep, I don’t want to have to explain this to the EMTs lol.

As he gets more used to the praise he starts to revel in it. He never fully loses that initial burst of shyness that the words bring, but it doesn’t shake him like it used to—most times, anyway.

He still has days where your crooned praise’ll leave him burying his head against you even as he continues to rut away. This mostly happens when he’s in subspace tho.

If it’s a more standard session he’s more apt to take it in stride (rosedusted cheeks notwithstanding), and will more than likely go back and forth with you.

Lots of “Yeah, you think so, pretty?”s and “Glad I’m making you feel good—love taking care of my baby”s and the like.

He’ll also probably turn it back on you with a compliment of his own.

More often than not your bedroom banter pretty much boils down to some “No you” type mess lol.

3 || Over-Stimulation

↠ It’s funny because I’ve referred to this section several times, but there isn’t really too much more to be said on the matter.

↠ ((lol, jk, we all know I have way too much to say on the subject))

↠ Asahi’s relationship with over-stimulation started way back in his pillow humping days.

He’d get so into it—or rather so lost in the fantasy that he created in his mind’s eye—that he’d just keep grinding long after he initially came.

Floating on post-orgasmic endorphins, he barely registered that thrumming bit of discomfort that preluded the next round of bliss—in fact he soon came to enjoy it if only because he knew what it always led to.

Even when he would masturbate in a more traditional manner he’d still keep pulling at his spent cock until he wrung at least one more load out of it (tho in actuality he usually would go for three in total; dude really out there cumming that many times in a row and then acting surprised when he’s got the stamina to fuck you for literal hours, smfh…)

↠ But that’s when he’s alone.

↠ With you, over-stimming is one of those things he’s really into, but also really shy about.

Despite the fact that he doesn’t ever actually bring it up to you, you’ll probably figure it out fairly quickly as he has a tendency to do it to himself a lot, which oftentimes means that he does it to you by proxy lol.

Even after he’s made you both cum he’ll just keep rutting away, the cutest little whimpers and whines pushing themselves out of his throat all the while, his eyes fixed on the white that now coats his cock to sit heavy in a thick ring around its base.

Most times he’ll stop himself before things get too uncomfortable for you, but if he’s especially love drunk he’ll keep going at it until he’s hard again unless you stop him, so that’s a thing.

↠ He likewise loves to see you coming to the end of yourself after one too many orgasms have left you brained.

There’s something magical about watching your fucked out body try to figure out if it wants more or if the pleasure has finally and truly entered the realm of too much, your mouth parting around every plea your scatted mind can grasp on to—every one except for that which will truly set you free of this divine torture.

Your feeble hands dig into his sweat-slicked flesh in an attempt to push him away even as your body rocks towards him in a bid for more that is…

Gods, he honestly doesn’t even have words for it, honestly.

He always thinks you’re beyond beautiful in those moments, a pretty little wreck of his own making.

↠ If you’re not into it for yourself he gets that and is more than okay with it!

↠ …but uhhh… He’d greatly appreciate it if you’d oblige him lol.

He’s definitely the type to ask you to fuck him through his orgasms.

Lots of “Please baby, don’t stop—please”s and “Make me cum again”s “Hurts so good”s.

((ugggh—how can one man be so cute and so hot at the same time? For why and for how and for fucking what??))

That said he won’t ask you to keep fucking him past your own comfort, but you do have hands and a mouth and if you were to put them to work he wouldn’t be opposed.

At all.

In fact watching your hands slide along the length of his messy cock—or, gods help him, watching it disappear into the warmth of your mouth—is its own special brand of bliss.

↠ However you get him there, the sight and sound of his writhing and panting through that next orgasm is definitely worth it, so do the thing, guys…

4 || Cockwarming

↠ It’s the intimacy for him.

↠ Just having his baby close, bodies pressed flush as you simply enjoy the connection? *chef’s kiss*

↠ This is something that he’s willing to indulge in any time.

Want your cuddles to get a bit more involved while you’re watching a movie, but not so much so that you lose the plot? Back that ass up and let ya boy roll through.

Could be that work and-or school was hellish and draining for you, and all you want to do is feel your man as deeply as possible, but lack the stamina to do too much. It’s all good, climb on and let him hold you for a bit while you vent.

His work is just as demanding, especially at the top of a new season, often eating away at his free time. When the late nights start to pile up, leaving your bodies to cry out for reprieve with a desperation that demands something, anything—just a little, just enough to take the edge off—he’s got you.

Or maybe you’re the one taking care of him. Letting him latch on to whatever bit of you he needs, however he needs to until his breaths turn heavy with contentment.

↠ If you’re not looking for anything more than a cuddle he’s cool with that.

In fact that’s almost always what his own intentions are when he initiates the act himself.

Once he settles into things, he’s v. good about voicing his wants, so if he says he wants you to warm his cock, that’s really all that he’s looking for.

The pair of you have fallen asleep like this dozens of times, ngl. It’s just so damn cozy and comfy and warm and safe—how could you not?

↠ But of course if you are trying to get something started, well…

…he definitely isn’t opposed.

He’s not good at denying you (his teasing streak aside), and that’s saying nothing of the fact that you feel incredible wrapped around his dick. Your body’s always so soft and warm and pliant under his touch—all for him, all his, to do to and with what he pleases…

Soft and sweet tho the act may start out, it’s definitely one of those things that can get him in a Mood fairly easily, so if you’re not looking to get ravished you’re gonna want to make that clear up front lol.

5 || Mutual Masturbation

↠ Part of him wonders if this makes him a voyeur, tbh.

↠ Like he’s literally sitting here, cock in hand, as he watches you get off—that’s p. much the definition, right? Or at least close enough to it for his mind to draw a parallel.

But it’s not as if he’s some weirdo creeper-peeper watching you through your window without your knowledge.

And obviously you’re okay with it, more than okay, clearly. He’s sure that you wouldn’t be sat directly across from him otherwise—fingers repeatedly filling your greedy hole, heavily lidded eyes locked on to his, and his name on your lips.

At the end of the day your comfort is the only thing he really has to concern himself with, so if you’re good, he’s great.

↠ Once he gets past his initial awkwardness/out of his own head about it, he finds that he’s hard pressed to look away from you—not that he was really able to do so before.

Even when he turned his eyes away he’d always find them wandering back to the hypnotic display before him.

There’s something magical and almost forbidden about watching you play with yourself, as if he’s collecting knowledge that isn’t his to horde.

It’s a silly notion, he knows, but that’s just the way his brain is sometimes. And it’s not as if it’s ever been enough to keep him from using what he’s learned to pull you apart himself once it’s his turn…

His attentions are laser-focused all the while, roving over the whole of you as he catalogs all of your actions and reactions—from the moves that leaves you bucking desperately into your own hand, to the way your body works its way through its release (so similar to how you fall apart under his care, and yet somehow different), to the softness that slows your movements and tints your words you as you slowly come back to yourself.

For this reason alone it’s a really intense, really intimate activity.

↠ He’s so singular in his concentration that he actually doesn’t even remember that he’s jerking himself off as well lol.

He usually ends up mimicking your speed as his subconscious mind is wishing that he was the one making you feel that good. But knowing that he’s been relegated to a simple observer he can only go through the motions for now.

Tho he looks damn good while he does, lbr.

Skin flushed, bottom lip swollen and ruddy from where he keeps pulling it in between his teeth, and muscles taut and rippling as he exercises every last bit of restraint that his massive frame possesses to keep from pulling you under him so he can love on you right…

↠ Yeah, more often than not he finds himself regretting initiating the act, but also not really because this is the sweetest torture he could ever ask for.

6 || Thigh Riding/Dry Humping

↠ I usually like to cap these at five as that’s a nice round number, but I haven’t been able to shake this idea since my hoe ass brain first decided to plague me with it.

↠ This man undoubtedly has god-tier thighs that’re practically made for grinding against, but that’s not even the bit that’s got me so fucked up.

↠ Once he sees how much you love rutting yourself against his thighs it sparks his interest.

Does it really feel that good? I mean obviously it does, given how much you leak all over his leg well before you cum, but… He just doesn’t get it?

But he’d like to.

Despite his best efforts he’s pretty damn obvious about it.

He’ll just keep staring at your thighs with a weird amount of intensity, the light blush that coats his face deepening until he’s flushed from his scalp all the way down to his chest.

So, so cute and so, so obvious—like painfully so lol.

↠ Whether you decide to take pity on him and offer up a ride or make him use his words he’s gonna be reluctant.

Part of it is his size. Even if you’re of similar stature he’s always so careful with how he interacts with you as he’d never be able to forgive himself if he ever hurt you.

Ofc the bulk of this worry is fueled by the last lingering remnants of those voices that hounded him way back when, but it’s nothing that a few well-placed words of reassurance from you can’t fix.

Once he’s gotten over that bit the next hurdle is just general embarrassment.

Coming at things from the other side gives him a whole new appreciation for both you and your relationship.

He has no idea if you also perceive it this way, but for him it’s a very intimate and vulnerable act. He doesn’t know why, but it leaves him feeling exposed, and he’s not entirely sure how he feels about it.

Encouragement is key at this juncture, as well as reminding him about the initial curiosity that led him to this point.

Don’t think that this is you pushing at his boundaries, btw, as that’s not your intent and certainly not the way he takes it. You’re simply helping him to weigh pros against cons; ultimately the decision is his to make and you both know and respect that.

All that said, he loves you and trusts you to take care of him; between that and his curiosity he’ll definitely come around.

↠ So now you’ve finally got him perched on your knee (and I do mean perched as he’s still hesitant to rest the full of his weight on you), what comes next?

↠ The ride of a goddamn lifetime, that’s what.

At first he’s still a bit nervous. He’ll pinch his eyes shut as he sets up a slow glide. You’ll probably have to help him find a rhythm because he’s still too in his head at this point.

You’ll feel him slowly start to relax once your hands find purchase on his hips—an unsurprising development given how soothing he always finds your touch to be.

As he yields, slowly pull him more firmly against you and watch how his demeanor changes.

All those barely there touches were primers, only really serving to make him more sensitive, so by the time he’s grinding against you properly it feels good. Better than that, really–

It’s amazing, and suddenly he gets it.

Once he gets going he gets so into it—like to the point where he’s anchoring his hands to whatever it is you’re sitting on for leverage lol.

You can feel the whole of his impressive length (leaky and hot and hard) sliding along every inch of your thigh, from the bone of your hip all the way down to the ball of your knee and back again, in a desperate pitch.

A litany of needy sounds is falling from his mouth without restraint, and you know that any embarrassment that he felt has long since been forgotten.

↠ If your seat allows for it, he’ll probably end up flattening you against it, with the whole of his massive frame writhing against you in a sinuous wave.

He’s moving as if he’s legitimately fucking you and it’s so damn hot, but that’s not the best part.

No, the best part is the fact that you’re getting an impromptu thigh job.

Those long limbs of his gotta go somewhere, yeah? And as it just so happens the leg that’s nestled between yours is pressed right up against your core.

You can feel the thick muscle there bunching and releasing in time with his desperate ruts, and while the pressure isn’t as steady as what you’d like, that can be easily remedied.

The pair of you end up grinding against each other like two horny teenagers—a thing that you’d probably laugh over if you weren’t so gone yourself.

↠ Given the mess that follows soon after a shower will be required. Don’t be surprised if when Asahi’s ready for round one.

↠ ‘Round one’ because, while what you’d just done felt divine–

↠ “–it doesn’t count, honey—not until I’m buried deep, deep inside my pretty baby…”

Location || Favorite places to do the do.

CW for talk of semi-public sex acts. 👀👀👀

Anywhere within the comfort of your shared home is gonna be at the top of the list (and I do mean anywhere, this boy is not picky at all lol), but a close second is a backroom/storage closet/literally anywhere that’ll offer you enough privacy/space to get down and dirty at an event.

I said it once, and I’ll say it again—it’s always the quiet ones that be the biggest goddamn freaks.

He’s not an exhibitionist by any means, in fact the thought of someone actually catching you two in the act is rattling enough that if he thinks on it too long he’ll legit go soft, but like… Idk, I guess it’s more the urgency and desperation in the act, that driving want that won’t allow for you to wait until you get back home that all but demands to be sated right then and there, that actually does it for him.

We all know that Asahi looks damn good in a suit—and how could he not, between his build and his fashion sense?—but he thinks you look just as stunning in eveningwear. Because of this the two of you are usually late past the point of being fashionable (or excusable for that matter) whenever an event requires you to get all dolled up. As you can imagine this is especially awkward when it’s his own damn fashion shows that you’re late to lmfao. Even when you’re wearing something as casual as a pair of sweats and a tank he finds you beyond beautiful, so when you’re all dressed up, esp. if you’re wearing something he designed?? Yeah, mans finds it physically physically impossible to keep his hands off of you.

Even tho he’ll take you thoroughly before you leave the house (or hotel room, as is more often the case), he’s gonna want you again and again and a-fucking-gain. What? It’s not like you look any less good than you did back home. In fact he’d argue that you look even better now with your hair and clothes just a touch mussed. There’s a slight frizz in your locks that you couldn’t quite tame before leaving, a subtle wrinkle to the material of your ensemble from where it crumpled under his fists not even an hour ago, and he’s trying so hard to be good, he swears it, but eventually all that restraint he’s been practicing is gonna crumble under the weight of his desire for you.

You know he’s finally cracked when he politely extracts the pair of you from whatever conversation you’re currently stuck in with an excuse so transparent that he may as well have told the whole of the venue that he’s about to take you in the back and fuck your soul clean out of your body lmao. Doesn’t help matters that he’ll be damn near dragging you out of the room with this really pinched expression, body slightly hunched over in a (failed) attempt to hide his rapidly growing bulge. He’ll lead you down halls that you’re pretty sure you’re not supposed to be traversing, all the while muttering about how torturous the night has been for him. He’ll try door after door until he finds a space that’ll suit your needs, tho if he’s desperate enough he’s willing to settle for an off-path nook and hands pressed firmly over mouths…

It’s always a bit embarrassing when you both stumble back into the main room on shaky legs looking far less put together than last anyone saw you, but it’s never been a big enough deterrent to keep him from pulling this particular stunt time and again…

Motivation || What turns them on, gets them going?

Thoughtfulness.

Asahi’s favorite way to receive love is through acts of service. No matter how long you’ve been together it never ceases to amaze him that you not only love him, you care for him. Though the two should go hand-in-hand, life has taught him that that isn’t always the case, unfortunately. There are people in his life that he likes to believe love him on some level, if only because they’re close family members, but the blatant disregard that they’ve shown for his happiness/mental wellbeing over the years… Well, needless to say that he’s since removed these people from his life, choosing to love them from afar instead of keeping them close where they can continue to do him harm.

But this is all getting a bit too heavy, so let us move on.

Anyways, going from such a selfish form of love to having something so pure and boundless and giving with you… Gods. He honestly never thought that he’d be so blessed. As he’s gotten older he’s gotten better at voicing his needs with the expectation of having them heard and respected, but even tho he knows that there’s nothing wrong with doing so it can still leave him feel burdensome from time to time. He knows that’s just his brain being wack, but sometimes it can’t be helped, yanno? When you do things for him unprompted, anticipating his needs in a way that almost feel psychic at times, it really does go a long way with silencing the vicious voices that try to take up residence in his head. Having someone not only know him well enough to have that level of foresight, but also care for him enough to take those extra steps for him?

He’s not crying, you’re crying, hush…

Whenever you do something for him to make his day a little easier/brighter, to make his load lighter, or ‘just because’ it goes right to his heart—and his dick lol. It shouldn’t be too much of a shocker, not when you think of the way he’s wired. He’s a highly emotional being, and when it comes to you it doesn’t take much for all the love he feels for you to slip over from wholesome to hoesome.

In cases like these he usually doesn’t act on it as he almost finds it… not exactly distasteful on his part, but it… idk, kinda feels like it lessens things if he repays your kindness with seeming random horniness. He doesn’t want to you to ever think that he only wants you in that way, never wants you to feel cheap or anything of the like so he makes a vested effort to keep a lid on things. Still, knowing him as well as you do you’ll probably make the connection fairly quickly. If you bring it up to him expect a rapidly spoken, hella stammer-y apology followed by a more in depth explanation once he calms down some. After hearing him out be sure to let him know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of; love and intimacy expresses itself in many forms, and if this is the kind that gets him going, that’s perfectly fine.

This is a rather powerful bit of knowledge, so once you do know try not to abuse it. Ofc that isn’t to say to stop doing stuff for him, but like just don’t make it weird for the guy lol. Express your interest if you’re that way inclined and gauge his willingness in turn (because his being a lil turned on doesn’t mean he’s actually looking to do anything about it, yanno?) and go from there.

All that aside, he’s v. touch sensitive. It’s the feather light touches (esp. if they’re to the back of his neck or over his bear arms) that really get to him. Ofc if you play with his hair he’ll turn to goo in like .5 seconds, tho to be honest this has just a good of a chance of putting him to sleep as it does of turning him on lol. But! If your lips brush against his ear while you’re talking—bonus points for playing on his voice kink and whispering something spicy in your bedroom voice—the warmth of your breath dancing over his skin to give him goosebumps, and forcing him to repress the pleasurable shudder that wants so badly to wrack his frame…

Hells yeah, leggo lmao.

No || Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs?

He’s absolutely never gonna degrade you.

Given all that he’s been forced to endure, Asahi places more emphasis on words than the average person. This isn’t to say that those spoken by others affect him as severely as they once did, but rather that he’s v. purposeful on how he wields his own—especially when it comes to you.

Harsh words, even when spoken for a specific purpose and with your consent, are never gonna be something he’s comfortable with directing at you for any reason and at any time, but especially during such an intimate and vulnerable act as sex. He likes to tease, yes, and may even get a little patronizing—“Aww, look at those tears. Can’t you take this cock without crying, pretty baby?”/“Sweet thing’s gone all dumb on my dick.”/etc.—but he’s never gonna be outright mean.

He physically cannot force his lips to part around such cruel words when it comes to you, as in his mind that’s the absolute antithesis of love.

Oral || Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.

CW for face fucking, (Reader both giving and receiving), as well as deep throating (Reader giving, tho let it be said now that Asahi will gladly choke on your cock/strap). ((also op kinda losing her shit overall lmfao))

As much as he enjoys a good blowie, he definitely loves having his face buried between your legs more.

Asa’s all about your pleasure—a thing that’s for your sake as much as it is his—so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he v. much loves to give you that work. And there’s nothing about the process that he doesn’t enjoy.

The cute little sounds you make (that come in a variety of mouthwatering flavors) are especially enticing. The breath hitches and sighs, the way your moans stick in your throat when he hits that one special spot—and don’t even get him started on how pretty you beg for him. Those needy little whines you make when he slows down to a torturously slow pace, his tongue just barely dragging over your heated flesh… You always say his name so sweetly when you’re pushed to the edge of yourself in such a way; doesn’t matter if you’re whimpering it or gritting it out from between clenched teeth—it’s all music to his ears.

And then there’s the needy way you grasp at his hair. Your fingers always end up tangling themselves deeply in his thick locks in an attempt to ground yourself against your mounting pleasure. Sometimes you pull him in closer, humping his face with abandon as you chase down your end, and other times you try to drag him away, your body unable to handle another limb-numbing and mind-melting orgasm.

He’s also really into pushing your legs up to your chest and pinning them there so that he can have his way with you without interference. Watching your feet kick uselessly in his peripheral will never cease to amuse him. Yeah, despite what you may think, dude’s a big gd tease and proud of it. He’s got the bulk, reach, and strength needed to keep you pinned down and he’s certainly not above using any of it against you. He’s also v. much into praising you if for no other reason than to feel the way your body responds to it. There’s nothing quite like having your walls damn near snapping his fingers in two when he tells you how damn sexy it is watching your greedy little hole suck down the prodding digits.

But none of this is to say that he has to be in control all the time. He’s very pro you fucking his face. Please use his mouth/tongue/fingers as you see fit—he lives for that shit. The idea of you using his body to get yourself off is *chef’s kiss* 10/10, would be your personal fucktoy again. And don’t you worry about choking and-or smothering him—he’s a big boy that’s more than capable of taking whatever it is you throw at him. He’s 100% the type to pull your hips flush with his face if he thinks you’re being too shy about things lol. ((he definitely mutters a cute lil “It’s okay baby, take what you need” against you as he does it too—and gdi I am foaming at the mouth))

However it plays out, do not be surprised if he busts while he’s going down on you. Oral really could’ve gone under his list of kinks, but since there was a whole letter for it I decided to cover it here. But trust and believe me when I say he absolutely LOVES this shit, okay? He will legit spend hours with his head between your legs if you let him, and be more than content with grinding his cock against the mattress without ever once putting it in you.

Annnnd because I’m a total slut for this man, let’s talk about the inverse.

Sucking Asahi off can be intimidating, ngl. He’s the CEO of Big Dicks. His cock is long and thick with a nice upwards curve that’s heavenly when he’s fucking you, but can potentially cause an issue when you’re trying to choke him down. He’s well aware of all of this, so he’s more than willing to settle for you taking in as much as you’re comfortable with and using your hands on the rest. But even when you’re doing the bare minimum believe me when I say you’ll still be gagging on him.

Like I said, he’s not the type to force deep throating, but given all the pretty sounds he makes and how sweet he is in general I can guarantee you that you’ll want to at least make the attempt ((#doitforHIM)). It’ll take you a bit to train your throat, but once you do god is it worth it. The first time he feels your throat open up around him he damn near cums on the spot, he definitely sobs a bit—a hard, broken sound that shots straight to your core. Given his size he’s never had a partner that was able (or willing) to take him down to the base like that, so when he finally experiences it it’s safe to say that he ascends lmao. The whole time you’re sucking him off his thoughts are alternating between keeping himself from cumming too soon and keeping himself from proposing lmfao. Boy is shook, sprung, and barely hanging on to his sanity.

And once you get to the point where he can fuck your face? Game fucking over.

He can’t decide if he wants to force his cock down your throat or pull your head in so he usually ends up doing both lol. He lives for the sound of your choking gags in the same way you revel in the guttural sounds that are steadily clawing their way up from his belly and out of his mouth. The closer he gets to his climax, the more vocal he gets. Praise will flow from him in a rapid string, with him telling you how well you take him, how good you’re making him feel, and how you’re such a good little love for letting him use you like this. He definitely begs you to tell him that you want him to cum down your throat despite the fact that you’re in no real position to give him a reply—verbally, anyway. Just look up at him with your dewy, half lidded eyes and he’ll know.

But eventually everything but your name will fade away from his mind. He’ll chant it like a prayer as he continues to chase his release, his movements growing more and more frantic with each thrust, until his entire existence stalls. Have fun trying not to choke as he floods your throat with his thick load lol; it’s gonna spill past your puffed out cheeks to drip down your chin and onto your chest and thighs. If you wanna earn some bonus points don’t waste even a single drop. Put on a show for him as you gather it all up on your fingertips only to clean it off with your clever tongue and he’ll be all to ready to return the favor despite the fact that he cannot currently feel his legs lmao…

((not me going on for nearly an extra 600 words because I want this 2D anime man to use my mouth/throat like a Fleshlight lmfao…))

Pace || Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.

I kinda touched on this in ‘G’ and ‘I’, but let’s get into things a bit more, shall we?

If left to his own devices Asahi’s more apt to take things slow. He wants to savor this, to drown you both in the waves of your shared passion and love. And he’s so damn sweet about it too; he’s all about that ‘forehead touches, holding hands, staring deeply into each other’s eyes’ kinda life. He also really likes to keeping you as close as possible so fully expect for him to either damn near flatten you or pull your body up against him. Likewise he loves it when you cling to him—it makes him feel both wanted and needed which in turn leaves his heart full to bursting with affection and yeah… He’ll keep up this languid pace for nearly the whole of the session if you let him, with things only picking up once the end is near.

Also—eye contact.

I know I already said as much, but it really does bear repeating because he’s so damn deft on it. He doesn’t mind it if your eyes flutter closed from time to time, but if they try to stay that way he’s definitely gonna urge you to open them again—“Come on pretty baby, let me see to gorgeous eyes, yeah? Let me see you…”—and when he’s being so damn sincere about it how can you do anything but comply? This man will always leave you feeling SEEN. It’s all very intimate, not to mention intense, so don’t be surprised if one or both of you shed a tear or two from time to time.

But back to pacing.

He’s definitely not opposed taking you hard and fast, but the only time he’ll default to this is when he’s in a Mood™. But ofc if that’s your personal preference he’s more than willing to indulge you more often.

It should be said that however things go, Asahi rarely ever straight out fucks you. Even when you’re having hip-slapping, back clawing sex this man somehow still manages to transform it into love making and it’s just… magic.

He’s magic. ((now if he could only be real *sob-sob*))

Quickie || Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.

CW for Asahi sending you a ~naughty video~ *wink-wonk* lol.

It’s honestly a tossup.

On one hand he loves to take his time and thoroughly love on you, but there’s just something about the desperation behind a quickie that makes his brain vibrate. Your wanting each other so much that you just can’t wait, that you have to have each other right then and there, commitments be damned? Big bet, he’s here for that ish.

Regardless of who initiated it, if you do have a quickie be ready to be wrecked when you both get home—I’m talking throat screamed raw, guts completely rearranged-levels of destroyed. He’s been thinking about your little romp all day, the phantom of your pants against his ear sending shivers down his spine even as his cock twitches to life at the memory of the way your tight little hole had greedily sucked him in only to hold him in its velvet-lined vice. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom on several occasions when he fell a little too deeply into his head and popped a boner, the poor baby lmao.

Definitely rubbed one out during his lunch break and he maaay have sent you a video of the aftermath—his cock, spent and still dripping, resting against one gorgeous, quivering thigh, the other supporting his messy hand. His voice is trembling in that way that says he’s absolutely drained and yet he still has just enough energy to croak out a cute little “Missing you so, so much sweetie. Can’t wait until I see you tonight…” before flipping the camera around and blowing you a kiss and ugggh!! End. Me. Now. He’s so damn cute and sexy and it makes me mad >:(((

After a stunt like that it goes unsaid that you’re just as feral as he is when you see him lmfao. Hell if you wanna flip the switch on him and fuck his brains out he is not at all opposed, btw—he just wants to be with you, the how of it is just details, honestly.

RIsk || Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.

If you’re at a point where your sleeping together he definitely trusts you enough to experiment.

That said, even tho there are things that he wants to try he’s a bit hesitant to bring them up. He knows that you won’t judge him no matter what, but try telling his anxiety that :/  Tbh it’s probably gonna be up to you to start this particular line of dialogue. It’s best to come at things with an open and casual approach, making it known that kinks—even those that he’s shy about voicing/thinks are ‘too weird’—are nothing to be embarrassed over.

But despite his reservations about sharing his own, he’s very open, receptive, and willing to try almost anything so please feel free to tell him about yours; it’ll definitely help to loosen his tongue once the conversation gets to flowing.

As far as risk—he’s like a 4/10, his penchant for fucking at events notwithstanding lol. Aside from that, the riskiest thing that he’ll get up to on his own is sending nudes/vids, and even then he has to be in a Mood™ for that. As I said before, the thought of getting caught is like the least sexy thing in the world to him, so anything pertaining to that does nothing for him. Or, well, nothing good, anyway. Outside of that sort of risk, he is game to try something if you’re really adamant about it. At the end of the day he just wants to make his baby happy, and if what you’re asking for won’t leave either of you at a deficit he’s willing to at least try it once. Expect him to do his research tho lol; he’s sorry if that takes some of the intrigue out of it for you, but uncharted waters (not to mention his anxiety) demand preparation.

Stamina || How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…

Between having kept up with his old training regimen (because it’s as familiar as it is effective) and his penchant for over-stimming himself, it’s safe to say that he’s got p. good stamina in general. Said stamina definitely carries over into the bedroom—lucky you lol.

Sessions with Asahi aren’t particularly rough (usually), but they’re very involved. He never fails to put his all into making love to you, and that intensity manifests itself physically as well as emotionally. By the end of things you’re both drained, but like in a really, really good way.

His refractory period is on the longer side, but it’s just as well given how long a session tends to last with him. He’d rather draw things out in one extended round that starts with you cumming on his tongue and ends with your fucked-out body twitching around his cock a long while later.

Toy || Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?

Any toys he owns is at your behest.

It’s not that he has anything against them, it’s just… Well, he’s always been hella shy—not to mention kinda awkward—about such things, so the thought of ordering toys (or gods fucking forbid going into a sex shop to buy some) was a big ol’ N O P E for him lol. Once you come along he’s more open to the idea of exploring in this arena; he’s game to try p. much anything so long as it won’t hurt either of you too much. He’s okay with having a little pain to go along with the pleasure, but once it goes past a certain point it stops being fun for him and turns deeply concerning (blame his anxiety, he certainly does).

But yeah, if you want to introduce some toys into your sessions he’s definitely game! Since he has literally no experience, inducting him is gonna be a fun time for you both. Just strip him down, lay him back—maybe even bind his arms and legs if you’re feeling particularly saucy—break out the lube and get to work.

((…no thoughts outside of a tied down, whiny Asahi, tears streaming down his cheeks as he struggles against his bindings.

Neither of you know if he’s trying to get away from the vibe that you’re running along the underside of his weeping cock or if he’s pushing in for more, but unless he uses his safeword you won’t be stopping anytime soon. He knows this of course, is counting on it, really. It feels good—so good, almost too good, honestly, and he cannot stop himself from babbling on about how it’s “–t-too much, baby, I can’t cum again, yu-you gotta stop!” despite that being the absolute last thing he wants.

Meanwhile you’re getting addicted to the sight of him like this. Everything—from his sweat curled locks to flush that stains his skin to the way he writhes and whines and whimpers for you—is just so damn delicious you cannot help but to want more and more and more even as you drink it all in. You’re a lush for him, always, but there’s something particularly intoxicating about having him completely at your mercy like this that makes you ravenous. And your greed, bottomless thing that it is, will certainly have its due…))

Unfair || How much they like to tease.

I’m gonna say something that’s controversial and yet so brave (and also true):

Asahi Azumane is a huge fucking tease. No, I do not take criticism, critiques, or question.

I’ve touched on/alluded to this several times at this point, but let’s get more into it, shall we?

Initially his teasing isn’t intentional. He’s so damn shy about intimacy at the start of things that he ends up breaking off interactions right when they’re getting especially good. It’s hard to feel anything other than a warm sort of affection (albeit tinged with just a hint of longing-fueled frustration) when you take in his glowing cheeks as he stutters out something about not wanting to take things too fast. Once he gets past all that it’s a lack of experience that sees him pulling up short, and once that’s gained he has come to find that he quite likes the way you whine and writhe and pout when you get all needy for him.

He doesn’t have the heart to deny you for too long, luckily, but then again his definition of ‘too long’ may not match yours lol. As far as he’s concerned time is an illusion when you’re together like this, a construct of a society that could very well crumble and burn all around you and he’d be none the wiser. Because of this he can drag things out as long as you’re willing to allow him to, tho the moment you make it known that it’s too much he’ll be quick to give in.

Still, given the fact that he’s more often than not the flustered one, he really loves turning things on you. He definitely likes to make you tell him what you want, and if he’s feeling especially saucy he’ll make you get very specific. When he gets in a mood like this just asking him to touch you won’t fly; you better tell him exactly where and how or else he’ll ghost his fingers over your outline, his nose prodding as your neck in between kisses to the delicate column as he urges you to “Tell me then, pretty baby—tell me what you want, what you need, and you know I’ll give it to you. Just say the words and I’ll make you feel so, so good…”

Volume || How loud they are, what sounds they make?

He’s about average when it comes to volume, but only once he gets comfortable enough to let his voice out.

Having lived in a house with too thin walls he learned fairly early on to keep a lid on things, and living in a dorm shortly thereafter reinforced this behavior. Still, he’s incapable of being completely quiet, he’s just not built that way, so he’d often have to muffle himself with his free hand. Once he started getting a bit more physical with his exs he loosened up a bit, but it isn’t until he’s with you that he finally starts to feel comfortable enough to really let go.

And oh, but he’s a vocal little thing.

Literally any sound that a man can make while in the throes of passion has escaped Asahi at least once lol. Depending on what side of the spectrum he’s falling on at a given moment he can go from whimpering and whining so, so sweetly to these deep, guttural moans that you’ll feel echoing through the whole of you to settle in your core.

On top of all of that he’s a sex babbler. He was super self-conscious about that at the start of things, mostly because once he comes back to himself he has absolutely no idea what it is he’s said (tho he’s positive that it must’ve been embarrassing as hell), but once you make it know that you not only don’t mind the deluge, but find it extremely hot, well…

Once he gets going, there’s really no stopping him. Praise, praise, praise—so much damn praise, and declarations of love, and every other thing that his sex addled brain can think to spew at you. Loves to tell you how good you’re making him feel, and will damn near die on the spot if you return the favor. The closer he gets to the end, however, the more his vocabulary shrinks. His sentences become less articulate, his lexicon more limited, until he’s reduced to little more than your name and sounds of pleasure and honestly hearing him fall apart in such a way is one of the sexiest things you’ll ever have the pleasure of witnessing.

But don’t get it twisted—if you think he’s gonna be the only one babbling away you are so very, very wrong.

Dude’s gonna make sure you’re just as if not more vocal than he is. If he gets in a Mood he’s definitely the type to make you say “I’m your good girl/boy/baby” while he’s hammering his cock into you—preferably while he’s got you in a mating press or really any position that allows him to see the way you manage to fluster at the words while also damn near drooling over the way he’s fucking you. He’s also one of those people that’ll ask you a question while he’s balls deep and fully expect a legit answer. How articulate he’ll want said answer to be will solely depend on how ‘mean’ he’s feeling at the time, so if you’ve been getting at him a little too much for his liking lately expect him to get downright petty lol.

Wild Card || Get a random headcanon (and ficlet) of my choice.

CW for unprotected and semi-public sex as well as what probably amounts to an overuse of pet names (i.e. pretty baby, sweetie, honey, etc.). Also low-key exhibitionism, but not really since neither of you actually want to get caught, but it is a distinct possibility and that’s kinda hot lol. Also, also—a mildly dom-ish Asahi because that’s just how I do things lol.

Also, also, also—cum play? Maybe??? Asahi ends up finishing in his pocket square; obviously he can return it to its original spot, and neither of you want to risk someone finding the v. identifiable cloth so the only real safe place to store it is in your underwear—or so his thinking goes lmao…

Thinking about Mister Azumane absolutely wrecking me in some back hall at an event now haunts my every waking hour, so here—have whatever the fuck this is lol. Dk how good/coherent it is as I’m sleepy af and still have to format this beast of a post so… Yeah *shrugs*

I’ll probably end up editing it at some point, but for now (hopefully) enjoy…

↠ Just imagine getting all dolled up to go to one of Asahi’s shows.

He doesn’t know you’re coming, as prior scheduling conflicts had initially meant that you wouldn’t be able to attend, but through a combination of overtime and favors cashed in you were just able to make it.

Everything—from your chosen ensemble, to the way you style your hair, to the fragrance you dab against your pulse point—is meant to entice.

Eyes will certainly be on you, but there’s only one pair that you’re concerned with.

↠ When he sees you all of the effort you put in instantly becomes worth it.

Asahi’s eyes damn near bug out of his skull when he spies you across the way. The casual mien that you’ve adopted only adds to your charm, lending you an almost untouchable air.

He excuses himself from the model whose skirt he’d been hemming, passing off the work to a seamstress in favor of rushing over to gather you in his arms.

He can’t keep his hands to himself any more than he can stop the words of praise that are falling from his lips. Still he manages to keep his touch PG, if only just.

↠ He seems to be especially taken with the cut of your outfit.

You would almost call it vanity, given that it is one of his designs, but the look in his eye is far too intense for that.

There’s something darker there—something primal, hungry.

It’s almost as if he wants to eat you alive and dammit if you won’t let him.

Work has kept you apart for the better part of a month now and you’re just as starved for his affection as he is for yours.

↠ The kiss he lays on you is a needy thing that lasts just a touch too long to be appropriate, but if anyone’s bothered by it they’re kind enough to keep it to themselves.

He sends you on your way then as he still has work to do before things get underway–

“But I promise you the moment I’m free…”

He leaves the sentence hanging, not that it needs a conclusion when it’s punctuated with another hot, drawn out kiss.

↠ There’s a near palpable tension between the pair of you for the entire night, one loaded with promises that Asahi’s yet to make good on—well until he does…

“Wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight, pretty baby—wasn’t expecting to see you until Monday night, really. Such a sweet surprise deserves an even sweeter reward, don’t you think?”

Even as he poses the question, Asahi delivers. Fingers that feel like firebrands slide between your layers with an expert’s precision to glide over your sodden flesh. Gathering up a portion of your liquid arousal, he brushes teasingly over your most sensitive spot before finally touching you properly, and it’s good—so, so good—but now’s hardly the time to bask.

“H-have to be quick,” you remind him. “Someone could se-ahh~”

Your moan scales up into something high and breathy at the feeling of one of his long, thick fingers pressing into you. Asahi mumbles something about you being tight at nearly the same moment, the words praise and a curse both. Having gone so long without, even this much feels like an intrusion, albeit one you desperately crave. Though your mind knows that you not only can, but have taken more with less prep, your body’s having a hard time remembering that. Still the slight burn is exquisite and you find yourself grinding against his hand.

“Don’t worry, sweetie—I’m gonna get you off, honey, and I’m gonna do it quick…”

Suddenly the body at your back is siding down-down-down and taking your underwear with it. Your personal axis is thrown off twice in quick succession soon after, with the first time being when Asahi spins you so that you’re facing him, the speed and force of the action leaving you mildly disoriented, and before you can even begin to get your bearings you’re being hefted off of the ground by a pair of strong arms. You squawk at this, hands scrambling for purchase and balance both against the head that is now between your legs. From this close you can feel Asahi’s replying laughter ghosting over your core and the feeling leaves you twitching in his grasp, which in turn sees him cursing lowly.

“Fuck, baby—I wish you could see how pretty you are down here. Can’t believe I’ve gone so long without it…”

He wastes no time getting to work after that. With the way he’s positioned he should be considered the captive, but you’re not under any illusions as to who has who trapped. When he gets like this—all determined and fierce and feral—you’re absolutely powerless against him. With his hot, wet mouth working you over with such a clear dedication to your undoing there’s nothing to be done but to sit back and receive his care.

“Close, Asa—‘m so close…”

“Already?” he starts, lips pulling away from you with a lewd sounding smack. “Is it that good, honey?”

You nod your head hard and fast. “Yes~ Please don’t stop. Want your mouth, wanna come for you…”

“____, gods… Okay, okay—I’ll give you what you want, sweetheart, promise. Just hold on, ‘kay?”

His words turn out to be a warning rather than a bid for patience, you soon find, as the hand that had been helping to keep you anchored leaves your thigh; the rhythmic bob of its connecting shoulder that starts up afterwards tells you that he’s chasing his own pleasure even as he drives you headlong into your own. A little flicker of undue jealousy flares in your gut at that. It should be your hand—or your mouth, or better still, your tight little hole—that’s making him feel good–

But can you really begrudge him anything when he’s pulling you apart like this?

His technique isn’t lessened for the speed, if anything the urgency only serves to add an extra layer of excitement to it all. That said, neither of you have any desire to actually be caught so you do your part to bring you to your ends. Your hips rut against his mouth as much as your positioning will allow for, barely subdued whimpers and moans pouring from your lips all the while. Meanwhile Asahi’s just as vocal, with even the least sound he makes hitting you like body blow. The pair of you are caught in a feedback loop of pure pleasure, one that can only be broken by that all-consuming, ultimate culmination.

Unsurprisingly it’s you that falls first.

You grit out something that’s supposed to be his name, though you can’t quite manage to get all of the syllables out, but apparently what little you do manage is enough to drag your man over the edge after you. He cums with a choked growl that peters out into a contented sigh as you both lean as heavily against one another as you dare. Though the hall that you’ve claimed for your little romp is out of the way, it’s still in a public space; time is against you, and the longer you dawdle, the greater the chance of discovery. This is why Asahi is quick to set you both to rights—well, as soon as you’re able to (mostly) stand under your own power anyway.

Thankfully you don’t look too worse for wear, all things considered. Sure your hair’s not as pristine as it had been, and there may be a glow to your eyes that wasn’t there before, and–

Oh who are you kidding? Everyone’s gonna know exactly what the pair of you have been up to.

An embarrassing prospect, but one you’ve long since made peace with.  At least this time both of your outfits made it through the ordeal unscathed, the odd wrinkle notwithstanding.

Once enough blood returns to your brain to once again allow for rational thought, you’re worried that Asahi has made a mess of his suit’s pants, but some fortunately quick thinking on his part saw his pocket square taking the brunt of things. Unfortunately he cannot return the now sullied cloth to its former home and the distinct pattern makes it far too identifiable to just toss–

“But I think I have a solution, love—if you’re willing to indulge me?”

The feeling of damp silk contouring to your most intimate areas is shiver-inducing, the knowing looks that your man tosses you nearly enough to bring you to your knees…

It’s another unspoken promise made, one’s who fulfillment you are most certainly to looking forward to.

X-Ray || How they look with their clothes off.

Though I already gushed about this way back in ‘B’ there will never not be a time when I’m not ready so say so much more on the subject lol.

As I’ve well established at this point, dude’s got a gd body on him, and said body’s fit as hell. He’s made sure to keep in shape, so he hasn’t lost any definition over the years—hell, if anything he’s probably gained some. While his arms and torso are points of pride for him, his legs aren’t to be slept on– Well unless you’re like literally sleeping on them thicc ass thighs lmao. This god-tier lap pillow is always on offer, btw, and a scalp message comes standard with each use! But anyways!! His legs are long, toned, and they look especially pretty when they’re wrapped around your waist, just sayin’ 😏

Aside from all that he’s just planes and planes of lightly toasted skin. Idk why, but I just really feel in my heart of hearts that he tans SO easily, and in the summer he’ll get those cute lil sun freckles too, and not just on his face either. Arms, hands, shoulders, hell even his legs—anywhere that gets enough sunlight will eventually start sprouting the things and it’s just really fucking adorable… Also! His hair lightens a bit in the summer. It’s not super noticeable outside of the sun for the most part, but he does pick up some natural highlights; they’re only about half a shade to a shade lighter, just enough to add an extra touch of dimension to his already beautiful locks.

He doesn’t really have any noteworthy scars, but I do see him as being the type to have a little ink. Ofc tattoos are still a bit of a controversial topic in Japan, but it seems like so long as they’re not somewhere super exposed they’re not too much of a problem. It also helps matters that he’s his own boss (I personally canon him as starting up his own label in his late twenties) and he works in a field where self-expression is highly celebrated no matter what form it takes.

Being the creative that he is, he really appreciates the artistry that goes into it all. He’s definitely the type to design his own tattoos, and he’ll draw up some for you too, if you’re that way inclined. As for what he’d get… I can see him wanting at least one traditional, fully colored piece—maybe a koi with some lotus blossoms?

Also, blackwork. He just thinks it looks super elegant; for that piece he’d probably go for something geometric with super clean lines. Location-wise they’d probably be on his back and upper arms—maaaybe his chest too, but that’s probably just wishful thinking on my part. ((but seriously tho, just think how hot it’d be if wore a kinda loose button up and he does that thing that guys do where they leave an absolutely unnecessary amount of buttons undone and you occasionally catch a peek at the ink on his pec—god.)) It’s a pain, having to cover them up when he goes out to onsens and the like, but it’s worth it, he thinks.

Alsooo—being the big ol’ sentimental softie that he is, he definitely gets a crow. That one’d probably be really simplistic, just an outline of the bird’s silhouette, and he’d probably have it placed behind his ear or something lol. A more daring position, true, but since he likes to wear his hair down it isn’t as readily visible as you’d think. He may or may not try to talk his former teammates into getting matching crow tattoos with varying results lol.

…bonus HC time? Bonus HC time.

The ones most enthusiastic about the prospect are Suga, Noya, Tanaka, Hinata, and (to the great surprise of literally everyone) Kiyoko. Daichi and Yachi are a bit reluctant—the latter because she’s afraid that she’ll get staph infection or something equally terrible (and unlikely) and die, the former because he’s afraid that his grandma will disown him if she ever found out (also he’s low-key afraid of needles lmao); they both cave once they find out that Kiyoko did the thing. Ennoshita bows out as he doesn’t think it’s becoming of a medical professional, while Tsukki initially says no just because he doesn’t want one (tho eventually Yams and the tangerine wear him down lol). Kags gets one just because he doesn’t want to feel left out, which is generally the reason why the rest eventually agree.

They even get their old sensei in on the action. I definitely canon Keishin as having some ink, so he was an easy sale, but everyone was ~shook~ when their mild mannered advisor agreed just as readily. Turns out he already has a pretty sizable piece hidden away on his back—I’m thinking some sort of traditional styled shoulder piece that maaay wrap around onto his chest as well? 👀👀 Sir, I am looking respectfully, I swear—that he absolutely adores so getting a tiny lil crow is nothing.

((ngl, the idea of Takeda with ink is Doing Something to me and fuck—did I just accidentally make myself thirsty for him too?? Ah well, HCs for another day, I suppose…))

So in conclusion—Asahi’s a thick, pretty boy, with some pretty ink. That’s all I’ve got, folks. Thanks for listening lol…

Yearning || How high is their sex drive?

Eh, I’d say it’s about average these days, tho it is worth noting that he’s content to follow your lead on this. If you want him more often he’s more than willing to oblige you, and likewise if your sex drive is on the lower side he’s cool with that too.

At the end of the day sex for him, while obviously very enjoyable, is just another way for him to express his love for you, but it’s certainly not the only way, yanno? In fact his main love language isn’t even touch, but rather quality time.  The accompanying activity is ultimately immaterial in his eyes, he just wants to spend as much time with you as possible because on top of loving you, he genuinely likes you. Before you were lovers you were friends, and that particular bond has only grown stronger and deeper over the years, so it’s not surprising that he enjoys your company so much. Because of this he’s as likely to do a puzzle with you as he is to blow your back it—it really all just depends on what you want lol.

That said, the pendulum does indeed swing both ways, so if you’ve been apart for an extended amount of time he will get… needy to say the least.

It’s usually his work that’s the main culprit of time theft. Fashion shows and various events see him hopping cities/countries a fair bit, especially at the height of new seasons, and unless you work with him you cannot always accompany him. You both do your best to keep one another sated with texts and phone calls and video chats, but you know that these are little more than stopgaps—a traveler’s substitution, that while valiant in its efforts, will never compare to having your lover wrapped up in your arms.

It’d be in your best interest to take the next couple of days off when you know he’s due back because you won’t be leaving your home for at least that long—hell, you’ll barely be leaving your bedroom if he has his way…

ZZZ || How quickly they fall asleep afterwards.

It honestly depends on how rested he was before the session.

If it’s like a midday romp he’ll probably be ready for a nap, but it’s not so pressing a need that he’s gonna pass out. But if it’s at the end of a long day he’s p. much out once he’s gotten you squared away. He’s also been known to knock out on you during your post sex cuddles lol. It’s always one of those really light dozes tho—ya know the kind, where you’re like technically asleep, but still weirdly aware of everything that’s going on around you. And if it’s a situation where his sleep’s been broken (because sometimes the thirst is just that real, let’s be honest lol) he’ll be out like a light soon after, not that he was ever really fully awake in the first place.

All that said, he knows the importance of aftercare, so he always makes sure to provide it to you in some capacity, even if that just amounts to him snuggling the fuck outta you until you both succumb to sleep’s siren call.

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