#absurdest

[sunburstsandmoonshadows]

...what the fuck is happening?

[pictured-as-perfect]

whos the robot saeru wants

i want to answer this but it's so far into crackship territory that everyone is gonna laugh at me

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

whatever the absurdest stupidest thing that's ever happened to you is, istg this is worse

[curlyhairedprince]

.

[boneless-mika]

Just so you know Tesla is trying to sue the Swedish government

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Viktor coming up with the absurdest shit to find out why his crush doesn't want him will never not be funny 🤣

But hey, he's a creative genius! His brain must be running rampant with the wildest theories why the pretty boy who flirted with him at the GPF banquet keeps rejecting him while feverishly searching for smarter courtship methods other than asking for sex.

[thephouseplants]

As someone not going to tit I would like to add everyone Has the most incredible opportunity to troll those of us not going by just all universally agreeing on the most absurdest things that "happened". just saying, you guys that are going can make us believe near anything. Be wise with this power.

(Also do tag actual spoilers with #titspoilers for those who want to avoid it.)

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

This about to be the absurdest art that I'll ever draw

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

Kinktober Day 04

Role Play: Sexual Roleplaying involves acting out various sex scenarios with a partner while one or both parties are in character.

Pairing: Na Jaemin x fem!reader

AU/Genre: smut, established relationship, non-idol!au, humor...?

Word Count: 1649 words

Warnings: oral and fingering (f receiving), role played cheating???, that poor imaginary bf gets kinda slandered tbh, Na Jaemin has a big dick, lowkey size kink, dirty talk, Reader is not good at comforting, please don't do this. For humorist purposes, it works in this story, but... sorry, I'm giggling as I'm typing this out. Just don't do this.

A/n: this is the absurdest thing I've ever written, and I actually screamed while writing it, but I wanted to try something new, so here it is. *forces a smile*

Taglist: @matchahyuck @seraphinealana @ker00 @allaboutthedongs @baehaechannie @iwannabreathetosetmefree @positionslab @jjenodream @kundann

One could call you many bad things, for example messy because don't clean your room all the time, or inefficient when instead of working, you tap away on your phone one hour before lunch at the office, or even unfashionable for buying that one coat last fall – ugh. But there's one thing people can't say about you, and that's you being a bad girlfriend.

You are the girlfriend of Na Jaemin who is basically the love of your life, as cliché as that might sound. You met in primary school, crushed on each other during middle school, fell in love in high school, and started dating right after. There's not a thing that he doesn't know about you, and there's not a thing that you don't know about him. You trust each other, are attached by the hip, and love each other unconditionally.

Which leads to one tiny problem. Sharing a housing and a heart, you can obviously tell if Jaemin's feeling down, and that inevitably affects you as well. This time, it's something rather big and serious, and you've struggled quite the while with how to deal with it.

Jaemin always wanted to become a doctor. Ever since the day you met, he told you about how exciting it must be to save people's lives on the daily, how it must feel to be a literal hero. You'd always agreed and supported him, even when he realized that being a doctor is much more than just saving lives and feeling great, or when finals came around and you had to help him study like crazy to keep his grades high enough for medical school.

The crushing realization had dawned on him for quite some time, hence he's always avoided that topic with his parents. He knew that they'd probably want him to take over their company once he's old enough, and would therefore not support his dream of being a doctor (and yes, you've had a few outbursts of anger because who the fuck wouldn't prefer a doctor as a son?!).

Jaemin had always dreaded that day, and when it finally came along, he wasn't surprised. But that didn't make him any less disappointed.

Fast forward half a year, and Jaemin's grown accustomed to the lifestyle that comes with working at his father's company, he seems happy even, bringing home fun stories to tell over dinner.

You still feel like there's something missing.

And that brings us back to why people could never call you a bad girlfriend.

"Honey, I'm home," it sounds from the hallway, announcing the arrival of your sweet boyfriend Jaemin. You grin as you hear him take off his shoes and socks before stepping into the living room. He calls out for you again, the soft smacking of his naked soles against the wooden floor coming closer to the bedroom door.

"Baby?"

"Doctor, finally," you sigh, placing the back of your hand on your forehead. You're laying down on your bed, but you've removed all of the pillows and blankets and put out a big towel instead. Besides that, you're also wearing a hospital gown, and you just hope that this works and Jaemin never tries to guess where you got it.

"What are you doing?" Jaemin asks in amusement.

"Doctor, I really, really need your help. You have to save me, please," you whine, proud of your performance as you raise your head to watch Jaemin step towards you.

You clear your throat, "um, I think you should wear your coat, don't you think? It's hanging over there," you point at the white fabric that dangles from the clothing hanger attached to your wardrobe.

Jaemin chuckles, but complies, putting the thing on before turning back to you. You gulp, and mentally scold his parents for not letting him look like this every day of his life. "What seems to be the problem, b- uhh Miss?"

You suppress a smile, then clear your throat once again to get back into your role. "Well, I've never told anyone this before, but I think there might be something wrong with me."

"Ah, don't worry. There is probably nothing wrong with you, but I can surely check."

"Please, it's urgent. I can't concentrate anymore... the problem is that I can't cum," you lie, giving him the most innocent eyes you can muster. Jaemin presses his lips together, assumingely to hide his amusement before he catches himself.

"I'm sure a pretty girl like you has a boyfriend to take care of that."

"Unfortunately, no," you lie again, lips quivering. "I really need your help, Doctor."

"If that's all, I'm sure I can help you out with your problem. Though, due to the fact that this condition is a highly unusual thing for me to treat, your insurance won't cover the costs," Jaemin says, putting on a fake concerned expression as he raises his eyebrows.

"Please, I'll do anything! Tell me what I can do."

"Well, why don't we trade this fairly, one orgasm for another. Does that sound like a deal to you, Miss?"

You nod your head quickly.

"Okay, I will begin my treatment, then. Tell me if anything hurts, alright?"

"Mhm, yes!" Excitement bubbles through your veins as Jaemin steps even closer, looking at you.

"You're going to have to undress for me, Miss, or else I can't start with my examination."

"Oh, of course," you chirp, quickly ripping the gown off your body to reveal your bare body to Jaemin's eyes, who sucks in a breath at the sight. He studies your form as if it's really his first time seeing it, and you get even more aroused at the sight.

"No boyfriend, huh? What a shame. Or could it be that you actually do have one, but he can't satisfy you? That must be it, right?" Jaemin says, finally laying a hand on the soft skin of your thigh. The look in his eyes tells you exactly where he wants this to go.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I lied. Yes, you are correct. He just can't make me cum," you nod, biting your lower lip between your teeth.

"I knew it. What a naughty girl you are, letting another man touch you just because you're so greedy for an orgasm," Jaemin speaks lowly, a smile forming on his face that he can't hold back.

"Yes, I'm so, so naughty," you whisper, breath hitching as his hands travel over your exposed thighs.

"Then why don't you spread your legs and let me get to work? What do you prefer, tongue or fingers?"

"Doctor!" You moan at his lewd words, spreading your thighs immediately, then quietly add, "both..."

"Both it is," Jaemin mumbles, creating eye contact with you as he leans down to lick a fat stripe over your folds. You shiver, moaning out loudly at the sensation.

"Shh," Jaemin hushes you, "don't want anyone else in my office hearing what's going on in here, now do we?"

"N-no, I'm sorry," you mewl as he starts sucking on your clit, one of his fingers prodding at your entrance before slowly slipping inside. Your eyes roll back, fingers digging into the towel beneath you. Unfortunately for this role play, Jaemin knows exactly how to touch you, meaning you're nearing your orgasm faster than you'd hoped.

"S-stop, Doctor!"

He does, pulling back to take in your already fucked out form. "What is it? Are you cumming already?"

"N- uh- no! N-no! I wanted to say that- uh, this isn't working and we, um, should try something else..." You're actually proud of yourself for that lie.

"I see," Jaemin grins knowingly, but sits up anyway. "What else would you like to try?"

"Um... maybe you could f-fuck me?"

"Oh, fuck you?" Jaemin says loudly, making you feel a little embarrassed in the best way possible.

"Y-yes... you see, my boyfriend has a, um, a really small dick, it just can't satisfy me. And looking at you, I bet that yours is really, really big," you confess, batting your lashes at him who just grins. He gets up and takes off his pants to reveal the bulge that has formed in his boxers.

"Is this what you had in mind?"

"Mhm, yes. Fuck, Doctor, you're so big. Doesn't it get in the way of your work sometimes?"

Jaemin can't hold back a snicker, "sometimes."

He climbs over you to sit in between your spread legs, stroking himself a few times. You can feel your arousal dripping from your hole to soak into the towel. Both you and Jaemin know, though, that prepping you with only one of his fingers was not really enough to get you ready for him, and that thought excites you even more.

"I don't know if I can take it, Doctor," you admit, spreading your legs a little further for him.

"Oh, I know you can," Jaemin mumbles, lining himself up with your hole. Excitement rushes over your body, and you clench around nothing but the very tip of him as he slowly pushes insides.

With a loud groan from your throat, your walls struggle to adjust. He stretches you out further and further, his thumb on your clit just fueling into your orgasm.

"Doctor, I'm-" is all you can bring out before you feel yourself clamming down on his cock repeatedly. Your cheeks burn with blush as you cum just from him pushing his incredible size inside, your agape mouth letting some drool escape.

"Atta girl," Jaemin praises, as all you can respond with is a chorus of curse words.

"T-thank you, Doctor, f-finally," you stutter, completely overwhelmed with feeling so full, even though you've taken him hundreds of times.

"You came so good," Jaemin coos, bringing a hand up to stroke a strand of hair out of your face, "I bet you can do it again."

© 2022 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

[kitasgloves]

"Follow You"

tracklist

— ♬ "So you can drag me through hell. If it meant I could hold your hand"

— ♬ Tendou x Reader, timeskip, SFW, gen reader, established relationship, brief mentions of stalking, no beta

The afternoon was cloudy with the pavement still freshly soaked from rainfall. Tendou Satori knew he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be walking down this path, he shouldn't be wasting his time like this, and most of all he shouldn't be following you. Well, he was technically stalking you but he doesn't want to be honest with himself. In his defense, this only happened today and he doesn't intend any harm. He could explain that he's only keeping an eye on you, making sure you're safe. He could argue that he has the right to do this because you were his. But his eyes linger on you for more than that reason alone.

His head was haunting him and his heart felt like a ghost. He needs to feel something 'cause he's still so far from home. Tendou hopes you'll cross your heart and hope to die, promise him you'll never leave his side. When you meet each other for lunch the following day, Tendou doesn't mention how he followed you home yesterday. He didn't intend on repeating it so he thinks it's unnecessary to bring it up.

"And then she said-"

You were talking miles per minute and Tendou just listened to you with a loving look in his eye. He could listen to you blabber about the most absurdest things and he'll be beyond contented. Tendou adored everything you did beyond what a normal person would consider. You could consider him obsessed and he won't shy away from that fact. Tendou knows the things that made you smile down to all of the things that make you tick. He knows what makes you laugh and what makes you crinkle your nose in disgust. He knows the flavors you hate and love. He even knows the toothpaste you use. He knows everything that you're willing to put out there.

Tendou found it wild to imagine that he managed to find someone who loves him for how he is, it would be foolish to let you slip away. Ever since he asked you to go to prom with him back in high school, you stuck with him. You stayed with him even after college. You stayed with him despite his flaws. You took him into your arms with no room for hesitation, even if people told you how weird he was, and even if the world showed you how he's not good for you. You got him on his knees he's your one-man cult. Tendou crosses his heart and hopes to die, promise you that he'll never leave your side. 

The redhead has always made it his mission to express his love for you in various ways. Making you chocolates, lending you his clothes, dancing with you in the kitchen, and singing you to sleep. Tendou made sure to reassure you that there was nobody else that made his heart beat so hard that it would break out of his ribcage. He looks at you with a tender stare and a gleam in his eye, 'cause he's telling you you're all he needs. He promises you you're all he sees. He'll never leave.

"Are you sniffing my shirt?"

You enter the room with an amused smirk. Tendou pauses brings your shirt down from his nose and cracks a grin at you through the doorway.

"And what if I am? What are you gonna do about it?"

"I dunno, punish you?"

"Don't you think I'm already punished enough with your obnoxious elephant snoring?"

"Hey! I don't snore!"

You pout as you throw a pillow at him that you grabbed from the bed. Tendou cackles and discards your shirt on the floor to sprint at you at full speed, you squealed as he scooped you in his arms and attacked you with pecks and kisses. You burst into a fit of giggles even if he went in to bite your right cheek. The two of you decided to spend the afternoon in bed watching a movie and cuddling under the sheets. The film was one of those typical zombie apocalypse ones.

"Satori, would you love me even if I get turned into a zombie?"

"Yeah, I'll even let you bite me"

"Well, that's stupid"

"Huh? Do you want me to keep you around my house and feed you dead humans until I die?"

"Babe, what the hell?"

You laugh at him and he joins. Tendou thinks back at the conversation at the end of the movie, everything he said was serious but he had a feeling you knew that already. He wasn't even trying to hide how he adores you uncontrollably. And he likes it when you say nothing about it and just let him do his thing. Come and sink to him and let him breathe you in. He'll be your gravity, you'll be his oxygen. So dig two graves 'cause when you die, he swears he'll be leaving by your side.

"Happy anniversary, Satori!"

Tendou gasps when you hand him homemade chocolates that you managed to hide from him. He grins from ear to ear and goes to kiss you on the lips before pulling you into a bone-crushing embrace. He opens the box and sniffs the saccharine scent of the chocolates, he pops one in his mouth and all the flavors melt on his palate.

"Baby, this is delicious! Dare I say better than mine"

"Oh my god, really?"

"Uh-huh. Dang, I better watch out or my business is gonna die because of these chocolates"

He jests and you slap his arm with a chuckle. Tendou fetches his anniversary gift for you and hands it to you wrapped in red with a white bow. You tear off the wrapper to see an expensive black jewelry box and your breath hitches. Tendou bites his lip, a smile already erupting on his face as he watches you eagerly open the box.

"Satori, you didn't..."

"Oh yes I did, my darling"

"This...oh my god, thank you!"

You pounce at him and he laughs. You gave him a few aggressive kisses on his face before staring back at the gift he gave you. It was the necklace you've always wanted since the day you saw it in a Paris jewelry shop, you remember how you would sigh and complain to Tendou about how your life would be better if you got that necklace. You were beyond astonished that your boyfriend went out of his way to give it to you. Tears well up in your eyes.

"Now now, no need to cry, my dear! Let me help you put the necklace on!"

Tendou carefully takes the necklace and drapes it around your neck, he secures it and then kisses your left temple. You rushed to the mirror to see the necklace glimmer around your neck and swoon at your boyfriend giving you one of his loving looks. You trudge over to him and wrap your arms around his neck as he grabs your waist.

"Thank you, darling"

"Anything for you, [Name]"

You lean towards him to pull him into a quick but passionate kiss. Tendou couldn't possibly be happier. You hold onto him as he sighs softly under your gaze.

"I can't believe I managed to bag someone like you, Satori"

"I should be saying that"

"You'll do anything for me, huh?"

"You can drag me through hell if it meant I can hold your hand"

Tendou says. He will follow you 'cause he's under your spell, and you can throw him to the flames. He will follow you. And from that familiar knowing look in your eye, Tendou knows that you know he will definitely, inevitably follow you until the end of existence.

©kitasgloves (do not steal or copy)

[absolutebl]

hi, can you tell me where both of these bl's are from???

p.s. your post from 2022 actually came up on my dash so i thought you would be the best person to ask. Thanks in advance!!

The top one is Vietnamese BL compilation absurdest series Tien Bromance EXTRA from 2020. Hard to explain that franchise you kinda just have to watch it. But it's v odd. And no, watching the first installment will not help you understand this second one any better.

I think it's still on YT, I've never rewatched.

Second image is my BELOVED Long Time No See!

Long Time No See

Korea 2017

From Strongberry last I knew it was on Gaga.

Catfishing assassins on either side of a turf war fall in love not knowing they are on opposite sides. Or do they? Suspenseful plot, good fight sequences, mature characters, hot sexitimes and even hotter beating the shit out of each other and kissing while covered in blood (this came from KOREA?), plus an HEA. One of the greatest hidden gems of the BL genre.

I mean you could fight me on that, but then we'd have to kiss covered in blood.

Just saying.

[streetdogsthecomic]

THE HUNTER GIFTS (ENG)

Hey guys! I finally figured out the symbols that represent each Hunter ability in Street Dogs! So Ill take the opportunity to already explain a bit about how they all work

This guide will show the meaning behind the symbols and what each ability does!

ALSO just a small observation: every symbol has a fish in it, which represents the Hunter, making a Christian analogy at how they are "followers of God"

ANYWAYS info down below!

The Gift of the 7th Sense:

Hunters with this ability are addressed as Empaths or Shields

The fish has a circle in the middle which makes it look like an eye almost, and that's precisely what the Gift of the 7th Sense is about: seeing what others cannot

A Hunter with the 7th sense has the ability to detect presences, let it be of other Hunters, Monsters or even Humans (hence why they're usually addressed as Empaths, due to acknowledging different auras)

This also includes perceiving occult things or people; they will be able to detect its presences as well

If developed enough, these Hunters are also able to expand the range of their own aura in order to repel bad ones (hence why they're also called Shields)

The Gift of Judgment:

Hunters with this ability are called Judges

The fish is turned upwards to represent its connection with the divine. The shape around it is a supposedly triangle with an additional edge to symbolize the Holy Trinity's connection to the Hunter

A Hunter with the Gift of Judgment is able to exorcize entities without the aid of a specific ritual, enchantment or blessing. They can simply do so by touching the desired target to banish whatever evil that's stored in it. They MUST make a physical contact in order to use their ability

If developed enough and applied on Monsters, a Judge is able to kill evil creatures with just one touch

Judges are the only Hunters who are mostly immune to possessions of any kind. It is still possible, but the entity would have quite a hard time trying to take over their soul

The Gift of Pyrokinesis:

Hunters with this Gift are addressed as Pyromancers

The sigil has a sun with rays spreading out of it, with one of them connected directly to the fish, representing the "light" that this Hunter can bring to the world

A Pyromancer has the ability to control fire, summoning it to their will. But also, they are able to cause a burning sensation within their targets, being either comforting or extremely unnerving depending on the Hunters' wishes

This Gift can be performed through direct eye contact

Naturally, Pyromancers can also control their own body heat, being able to take freezing temperatures to an extent but not last on it forever

The Gift of Samson's Will:

Hunters with this ability are called Enforcers

The sigil has the fish turned upwards to show its connection to the divine. The line in the middle is based on how alchemy represents the element of salt (a circle with a line across it), which tends to symbolize one's spiritual strength, and to Enforcers, this strength is everything their Gift is about

Enforcers have an immense physical strength, being able to lift the heaviest objects on their own and resist the absurdest blows without a scratch (at least not major ones-)

Hunters with this Gift tend to be very sure of what they believe in, which makes them also a struggle to possess to certain entities

The Gift of Glossolalia:

Hunters with this ability are called Pacifiers or Interpreters

The sigil consists of fishes going to different directions, representing the Hunter's ability of being able to "swim to any way", an analogy at how flexible they tend to be

Hunters with the Gift of Glossolalia have a beautiful, angelical voice. They are able to soothe the angriest beasts just with the sound of it

Many Pacifiers use their Gift through music, singing songs, lullabies or enchantments in order to apply their vocal abilities

If developed enough, they are also able to communicate with foreigners without being necessarily fluent in their language. Like a knowledge they always seemed to have, Interpreters will be able to speak any dialogue independent of where their target is from (this includes sign language and braille), hence why they're also known as Interpreters

The Gift of Wisdom:

Hunters with this Gift are known as Sages or Prophets

The Sages' symbol shows a fish pointing downwards, representing the Hunter's mortal nature, but the triangle around it shows that they still hold a divine knowledge and connection

Sages are Hunters who will randomly receive "flashes" of future events that did not happen yet, as well as prophetic dreams that are later interpreted by them to figure out its meanings

Sometimes, a vision a Sage has may be very hard for them to describe in words, so they prefer to express it through an artistic activity. Many Hunters with this ability tend to be artists

Usually, Hunters with the Gift of Wisdom are very modest and seemingly knowledgeable about life in general, giving out unique perceptions of the world around them while following the concept of "creation" to do so

The Gift of Cure:

Hunters with this Gift are addressed as Curators

The heart in the middle of the fish represents this Hunters' potential in distributing healing and love to those who are in need of it, which is basically what their Gift is about

Curators have the ability to heal superficial and deep wounds, as well as physical disabilities and mental stress

This is one of the most draining abilities, since it makes the Hunter physically and mentally exhausted depending on how much they've used their Gift. The average amount a Curator is able to heal is 3-5 people

These Hunters are usually very kind-hearted and empathetic with those around them, regardless of what they've done or who they are

And thats practically it! Theres still more info about the abilities, but Ill show in future posts for the sake of not clogging this one up too much xD

Tysm if uve red it this far! Stay tuned for new stuffies! 💙❤️🪓

[amarguerite]

I have admittedly only seen two episodes of Good Omens but so far I am really enjoying the Job subplot the best. It’s very Pratchett-esque in the way it takes the shape of a well-known narrative and pushes it to its absurdest conclusion.

Also, admittedly, I am also the kind of person who finds it very funny when a couple of characters are desperately improvising their way through a batshit situation. Aziraphale desperately going, “WHY YES HUMANS ARE MADE FROM RIBS AND THEY CAN JUST IMMEDIATELY BE CREATED AND THEN TURN OUT ANY SIZE AND AGE THATS JUST BASIC OBSTETRICS” made me laugh so hard I had to pause the episode.

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

Als Werbung auf tumblr noch vor allem wtf war, hab ich mal einen Blog gestartet, in dem ich die absurdestes Screenshots zusammengetragen habe. Letztes Jahr hab ich dann eine Warnung bekommen, dass ich gegen Community Guidelines verstoßen habe. Weil das Bild in der Werbung, die real auf tumblr geschaltet war, zu "sexuell" war (und es war einfach nur ein Bild von einer Frau, die vollständig bekleidet rückwärts auf einem Stuhl sitzt)... man muss es lieben, wa.

Tumblr be like:

[tortan-saarbruccan]

Hatte gerade die absurdeste Idee als ich davon gehört habe, dass es Tatort Zürich gibt:

Tatort Mallorca

Is ja angeblich eh das siebzehnte deutsche Bundesland...

[tapsoda]

took a break on a jerma piece from the macncheez stream and only got to it now again but my memory was so bad i was like oh yeah i think i was drawing that segment w ster where it was like the news station THAT WASNT IN THE STREAM AT ALL i mixed to two jerma events that happend that month into one thing on accident which is actaully fine and funny bbut i will never escape being an absurdest jerma artist bc this is like. incomprehensibe to look at rn