#abysskeeper

[fe-smashorpass]

[swtorpadawan]

2, 12, and 57 for Corellan from the weirdly specific asks. 43 and 51 for Teeanah too if you're so inclined :)

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

Oh, loose. Very loose. Kira rolls her eyes every time Corellan calls someone his friend. (She actually thinks its sweet.)

Remember Renalda Agareth? The little girl on Coruscant who asked him to rescue her brother? When she met him again a decade later on Odessen, they were still friends.

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

Snark. For most of his life, Corellan has a very muted sense of humor himself. But when other people with particularly refined sense of sarcasm really get to him - like Kira, Orgus, Theron and Senya - they get an amused chuckle out of him every time. Eventually, he does develop his own sense of humor, right in time to have kids. (There will be dad jokes, much to Bela's lament.)

What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

Corellan's daily morning routine - when he's not on a mission - is consistent to a fault. Rise, brush teeth, lightsaber sparring, shower, breakfast.

Repeat.

He's tried to incorporate morning meditation into his routine, but … life seems to get in the way. Whether that's a call for help, or Kira feeling frisky. Stuff happens, you know?

Thanks for the asks!

[gothamcityneedsme]

Trick or treat! (You know why I'm here :p)

@abysskeeper I show you too much when i'm working because i have no self control, so I'm looking through phone notes to find fun snippets i may have not shown you (but probably have, lmao)

So. contextless bits (all from different docs):

"Isn't that our nature? To use our new love to heal from our old? We always seek to heal from our pasts."

(i've probably shown this one but i still love it)

"Trickshot." "I didn't know," he said, and the embarrassment hit deep, as it always did. Even if you did know, a traitorous part of his mind whispered, You would've chosen the name anyways. She IS why you turned, after all. The catalyst to all you have become. "You really didn't know?" "You should've seen her face. I didn't understand for a long time, why everyone would laugh. I held steadfast, having a new name mattered too much to me for me to let anyone deter me away from what I had chosen.  It took her weeks to tell me, and then…well, it all became clear." "Ironic." "And fitting. Although don't tell her I said that." "Oh?  Why not?" "I hardly want to push her away when I've come so far to get to her side in the first place. I'm not being that direct." "Ah, the delicate finesse of courtship." Jonathan laughed.

"...save me?" he mumbled, watching her with that intoxicating stare. he smiled, a ghost of a thing, looking at her in a fond, far-off kind of way. "You are holding on to so much of your humanity. For most Kindred, such a thing fades with time. I wonder how long this fire will last within you."

(may have shown this one below)

"Nines," she whispered, her mind briefly flickering to the absurdity that she was in bed with a man she didn't even know the name of, but she pushed the thought aside. There was enough bothering her without adding to the pile, without thinking of the things that stressed her about this man who she was with for comfort. "What do you do when you don't feel like yourself?" She could hear the soft sound of his breathing shifting, the only indication he initially gave of his hearing her, his bright eyes closed still, leaving them in total darkness. "Can you clarify?" "When you…do things that you wouldn't normally do." Like someone is controlling you, a voice in your head. "Something you immediately regret, even though you couldn't stop it from happening, but…at the same time…it's like you were someone else when you did it." Hiding behind vagueness felt safe. "I would do anything to feel like myself again. I would amend, fix what was wrong." There was a harsh edge in his response, although she could tell it wasn't directed at her.

"I pay attention, I understand you. You give me little signs of you affection all the time. I see them, and I treasure them as they are. I know what they mean, I look for them. Each passing glance, the brush of your fingertips, the curve of your smile, I see and understand, my dear."

He kisses her, hungry and deep, and a weight settles in her stomach the more he leans in, pressing himself against her. Something that had been rattling in her min was suddenly stilled, tapered down by the pressure of him. His hands are warm on her skin, palms flat against her, fingers curling to caress every inch of her, and underneath his hands, everything feels right with the world.

[keldae]

Trick or treat! 🎃 (I hope you scared at least a few customers today!)

Tragically, the ones I wanted to scare the worst (aka the ENTITLED JERKS WHO MADE ME CLOCK OUT 40 MINUTES LATE) didn't seem phased at all by Noxy giving them deathstares. But at least my makeup looked good! ;) Going off what you posted about agent/consular, and how Mairen and Reanden own a good part of my soul now... let's catch up on what these two idiots have been doing in the last couple of years that hasn't been documented on Tumblr or AO3, but IS canon fact in Google Docs or in the SWTOR RP circles! - Both Mai and Reanden faked their deaths to extract themselves from their postings in the Empire as SIS operatives. Reanden left first (otherwise he would have gotten killed for real) and then Mai followed almost a year later. - They've since gotten married and are now happily living on Corellia, near to Mai's family. Mai's mother, Ruari, *loves* Reanden. - They tried formal retirement from their SIS roles, and that lasted about two and a half days (if we're being generous). So now they've agreed to head up a Corellian-based task force dedicated to protecting Corellia by protecting the Republic. (Xaja, Korin, and Pub!Sorand have all joined this task force too.) - Thanks to a couple of very impressive d20 rolls, Mai beat the odds and got pregnant, and now she and Reanden have baby Calen Taerich, who's about 6 months old and has completely charmed the pants off of everyone he's met so far. - Mai is still on light(ish) duties post-baby, but she's taken back up with being Commanding Officer of Task Force Jade (aka the in-game guild). Reanden is her XO, when he's not on Coruscant, giving lectures and training new recruits for the SIS.

[broomballkraken]

Title: A Light in the Abyss Chapter 2: Warrior's Bond

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

Pairing: Abysskeeper/Mr. Backup

Word count: 2583

Warnings: None

Fic Summary: Abysskeeper. The Keeper of Abyss. That was all that he was known as. Until a Knight of Seiros unexpectedly came into his life and gave him a name, and so much more.

Chapter Summary: After two weeks with his unwanted backup, Abe is ready to throttle the annoying Knight of Seiros. However, when bandits foolishly try to stir up trouble in Abyss, Lucien helps fight them off, and his skills in battle manage to earn a bit of Abe’s respect. Just a tiny bit.

It had only been two weeks, and Abe was already sick of his unwanted ‘partner.’

“So then Lord Seteth gave us orders to check up on a village that was having a bandit problem, and I was-”

“Goddess help me, do you ever shut up?”

Abe glowered at Lucien, who chuckled, unfazed as he leaned against the wall behind them. Of all the knights that the church had to offer, why did Abe have to get stuck with the most obnoxious, insufferable one?

“Well,” Lucien said, smirking as he raised an eyebrow, “If you’re so sick of hearing about me, why don’t you tell me something about you?”

“No.”

Lucien chuckled and folded his hands behind his head. “Okay then! As I was saying, it turns out that the villagers were-”

“Ugh, fine!” Abe threw up his hands in defeat, and he averted his gaze as he crossed his arms over his chest. “If I tell you something about myself, will you finally shut up?”

“Oh, of course!” Lucien’s sweet smile didn’t fool Abe in the slightest; annoying bastard of a man. Sighing as he crossed his hands over his chest, he looked back at Lucien.

“So, out with it, Mr. Backup: What do you want to know?”

“Hmm...” Lucien hummed, placing a hand on his hip as he tapped his chin. Abe rolled his eyes hard, tapping his foot while impatiently waiting for the object of his annoyance to hurry the hell up and ask his damn question already.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Lucien let out a ‘ah-ha!’ and snapped his fingers. “Got it! I’d like to know where you were born, Abe.”

Abe’s face scrunched up and he scoffed. “Why does that matter? I’ve spent most of my life here.”

“But not all of it?”

“...No.” Abe narrowed his eyes at Lucien, who was watching him expectantly, and he sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “I was born in Derdriu.”

Lucien raised an eyebrow. “Ah, so you’re from the Alliance.”

“Barely,” Abe said with a shrug, “I don’t remember my parents, and my early childhood is a blur. Had to fight and steal to keep myself alive, until a merchant took pity on me and brought me here.”

Lucien frowned and tugged at his beard. “I see...Sounds like you had a rough time.”

“Better than most. At least I’m alive to talk about it.”

“Indeed...”

Silence fell between them, and Abe sighed with relief when Lucien did not press him for more details. He didn’t enjoy talking about the past, especially what little he remembered from his time before coming to Abyss. Thinking that Lucien’s curiosity had been sated, Abe crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, letting his eyes slip shut.

“What’s your favorite meal?”

Abe’s eyes snapped back open and he whipped his head around to glare at Lucien. “One question wasn’t enough?”

“Oh gods no!” Lucien laughed and shook his head, slapping a hand to Abe’s shoulder only to have it shrugged off immediately. “We’re partners now! We should know each other inside and out by now!”

Abe grimaced at the thought of getting that close to him, but he knew by now that Lucien wouldn’t drop it until he answered, so he let out a tired sigh and rubbed at his neck.

“Fine…Well, I guess I enjoy a nice, hot bowl of stew to go with my ale after a long day,” he said, and his eyes narrowed when Lucien’s lit up.

“Oooh, stew, eh? Good choice. I’ll have to remember that.” Lucien winked at him, and Abe’s brow furrowed.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Mmmm, it’s a surprise~”

Abe groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. This man was the most obnoxious person that he had ever had the displeasure of knowing. Deciding that he preferred when Lucien was blabbering on about himself, Abe ask his own question:

“What about you?”

“Oh?” Lucien blinked at him, his eyes going wide. “Suddenly curious about me, Abe? I thought you were sick of hearing me talk?”

“Fuck off, then.”

“Ooh, temper, temper!” Lucien wagged a finger at him, causing Abe to snort and turn up his nose. “But, since you asked so nicely, I will sate your curiosity.”

“I am from a small village in Galatea territory in the Kingdom,” Lucien said, smiling as he stroked his beard, “Both my mother and father were well-respected knights, so it’s no surprise that I became one as well. They trained me from a young age, and I managed to impress the Knights of Seiros when they passed through the village while recruiting, and the rest is history.”

Abe sniffed as he gave Lucien a once-over. He really didn’t seem all that impressive at first glance; he just looked like another run-of-the-mill knight to him. Either the Knights of Seiros had low standards, or Lucien was more than meets the eye.

“As for my favorite food...” Lucien continued, and Abe raised an eyebrow; he hadn’t expected him to answer that question as well, “As an avid fisherman in my free time, nothing beats a nice grilled fish caught fresh the same day.”

Abe pulled a face, his nose scrunching up and his tongue sticking out with his disgust. “Ugh, fish, really? Gross, slimy things...”

Lucien chuckled and leaned close to Abe, causing the latter to lean back until he was trapped against the wall behind him. His heartbeat quickened when Lucien got close enough that their noses almost brushed, and Abe felt his face heat up as their eyes locked.

“My, my,” Lucien said, his voice dropping to a whisper as he reached up to brush his fingers over Abe’s cheek, “You look so cute with your face all scrunched up like that.”

Abe’s instincts were telling him to shove Lucien away, but something was keeping him frozen in place. His heart had leapt into his throat, preventing him from speaking, and his face felt like it was on fire. What the hells was this bastard man doing to him...?

“A-Abysskeeper, we’ve got trouble!”

Abe was knocked from his stupor when a panicked voice hit his ears, and he turned to see a man running up to him. Lucien’s demeanor had changed in a split second, from being an annoying tease to serious and alert. Abe tensed up when the man reached them, out of breath and soaked with sweat.

“Abysskeeper,” the man gasped, “Bandits have broken in from one of the abandoned tunnels! We need your help!”

“Shit,” Abe cursed. What a lousy time for Yuri and the other Ashen Wolves to be out on a mission above ground. “Where are the bastards?”

After the man had told him the location, Abe grabbed his axe and rushed off as fast as his legs could carry him. He wouldn’t let anyone harm the people of Abyss, not while he drew breath. The clanging behind him told him that Lucien was hot on his heels, and Abe hoped that his bulky armor and sword and shield weren’t just for show.

Abe’s eyes narrowed and he set his jaw when he finally spotted the bandits, who had cornered a group of children and an elderly woman. Wasting no time, he placed himself between them, resting his axe over his shoulders as he straightened up fully and spit at the ground before the bandits.

“Buncha cowards, targeting children and an old woman,” Abe snarled, swinging his axe in front of him, “Try taking on someone your own size.”

The bandits laughed at Abe’s taunting, and he saw the children and elderly man flee out of the corner of his eye. Good, now he could focus on making these intruders pay. However, there were ten of them and only one of him...

“Might I join you, Abe?” Lucien had finally caught up, and Abe couldn’t see his face through his helmet, but the cold tone of his voice told him that his anger rivaled his own at the moment. “These lowlifes could use a good thrashing, don’t you think?”

“For once, I agree with you.”

One of the bandits, who Abe assumed was their leader, took a step forward and grinned. “You two whelps talk big, considerin’ how outnumbered ya are.” Abe snorted as he watched the bandits circle him and Lucien until they were surrounded. Numbers meant nothing to Abe, and he would make these scumbags pay for underestimating him.

“Get ‘im!” At their leader’s command, two bandits charged at Abe, and he grinned, letting them get close. One took a swing with his sword and Abe easily ducked to dodge, while he swung his axe at the other, slicing his exposed flank open. Abe whipped around to block the first bandit’s second attack, and he took advantage of their close proximity to headbutt him hard in the nose. As the bandit doubled over, Abe easily cut him down as well.

Abe glanced behind him at Lucien, who had taken down two bandits himself and had blocked a third one’s attack with his shield. In his momentary distraction, Abe almost didn’t bring his axe up in time to block an attack from two bandits at once. Gritting his teeth, Abe struggled to push back against their combined strength, but he was relieved of one of his assailants when Lucien bashed one of them over the head with his shield, sending him to the ground hard. That allowed Abe to easily overpower the remaining bandit, and one more that tried to sneak up on him.

As Lucien engaged with yet another bandit, Abe saw the leader trying to sneak up behind him, and he let out a yell and threw his axe in his direction. It whipped right over Lucien’s shoulder just as he struck down his quarry with his sword, and the blade embedded itself right in the bandit leader’s unprotected forehead.

Breathing heavily, Abe stepped around the bandit corpses to retrieve his axe, grimacing at the amount of blood that coated the blade; he’d have to clean that quickly if he didn’t want it to rust.

“You alright, Abe?” He looked up as Lucien approached him, removing his helmet and letting out a whistle as he gazed around at the carnage.

“Yeah, you?”

“I’m right as rain!”

Abe smirked as Lucien gave his swords a few shakes to clear some of the blood from it. He really, really hated to admit it, but Lucien was a damn fine warrior. They had been outnumbered two-to-one, but managed to make quick work of the bandits nonetheless.

“You saved us! Thanks, Abysskeeper!”

Abe looked over to see the children that they had saved running up to them, with the old woman slowly following them. Lucien blinked in surprise when he was surrounded by some of the children.

“Wow, Mr. Backup, you and Abysskeeper were so cool!” one boy said, and a girl nodded vigorously in agreement.

“Yeah! Are you two battle buddies now?”

“Yes!”

“No.”

Lucien and Abe answered in unison, and Abe glowered when Lucien laughed. The old woman chuckled as the children talked excitedly among themselves.

“Thank you both for saving us,” she said, smiling as she looked between the two men, “We would be dead if not for your timely arrival.”

“Don’t mention it. Just doing my job,” Abe said, his cheeks flushing pink as he averted his gaze.

“So bashful,” Lucien said, snickering as he jabbed his elbow into Abe’s side, earning a heated glare from him. The old woman raised an eyebrow at them, and she brought a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle.

“Oh my...You two seem to be getting along now, how very nice.”

“No we’re not,” Abe grumbled, glowering when Lucien threw an arm over his shoulder.

“Oh come on, you know we’re like two peas in a pod!”

Abe swatted the laughing Lucien away, and the old woman smiled knowingly and nodded.

“You really are. Anyway, I would be happy to cook a nice meal for you two as thanks for saving us.”

“Really? Thanks a lot!” Lucien beamed at the woman, and Abe was given pause at how handsome he looked in this moment.

Wait...What???

This insufferable, obnoxious, annoying, unnecessary backup of his, handsome? Abe had no idea where that thought had come from, but it certainly hadn’t come from any rational part of his brain. His mind felt jumbled as he tried to make sense of his train of thought, and he barely heard Lucien’s voice as he said farewell to the woman and the children. Abe decided to push his…weird thoughts about Lucien to the back of his mind, and they soon found themselves back at his post.

“Well, that was rather exciting, don’t you think?” Lucien said, and Abe rolled his eyes as he scrubbed the blade of his axe with a cleaning rag.

“I guess, if you’re not used to it,” he said, giving his axe one more good rub before he was satisfied with its cleanliness, “Bandits and thugs aren’t really a rarity down here.”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t exciting. And you were pretty amazing back there,” Lucien gushed, and Abe huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I didn’t do anything special. Just fought like I always do.”

“Well, you always fight quite well then.”

“Hmp.”

“And,” Lucien said, stroking his beard as he turned to Abe, “If I may be so bold, I think we work very well as a team.”

Abe raised an eyebrow at him. He really couldn’t deny that fact, as much as he wanted to. Lucien had really kicked some ass, and he really, really hated to admit that they meshed pretty well together…on the battlefield at least.

“I guess you’re...not so bad either, for a Mr. Backup kinda guy, anyway…”

Lucien let out a dramatic gasp and pressed a hand to his chest. “Wow, that’s practically a compliment coming from you! I must be the luckiest man in the world!” Lucien beamed and suddenly wrapped his arms around Abe, lifting him into his arms.

Stunned and red-faced, Abe growled and tried to wriggle free. “Let me go, you obnoxious bastard!”

“As you wish.” Lucien laughed and unceremoniously dropped Abe back to his feet, causing the latter to stumble, forcing him to brace himself against Lucien’s chest.

Abe flushed as he quickly jerked his hands away, hiding them behind his back as he cleared his throat. This man was really pushing his luck, and Abe tried desperately to ignore the warm feeling that had blossomed inexplicably within his chest.

“You know, this whole ordeal reminds me of a time when bandits attacked my hometown...” Lucien started, and Abe sighed as he rubbed at his temples.

“Here we go again…” Abe mumbled, bracing himself for another long and boring story. As Lucien rambled on and on once again, that warm feeling disappeared, and Abe discarded it as a fluke. However, as much as he hated to admit it, Abe had gained respect for Lucien after fighting side by side with him for the first time...but only a tiny bit of it.

[unxpctedlygreat]

[hey-cringelord]

the day after i tweeted this, i see this

give him back his man >:(

[abysskeeper]

It’s been well over ten years since I started writing...uh...semi-publicly, and it’s only just now occurring to me that if I wanted people to find me by my fanfic, I should probably have kept all my socials the same name.

[maryse127]

The best ship in Three Houses is actually Abysskeeper and Mr. Backup

[dr-demi-bee]

@/abysskeeper tagged me in another writing WIP game and I feel like breaking all the rules so... (I didn't directly tag you in case the latter half of this is uh...not for you? But maybe it is. In which case, yay!) Here is a dump of blurbs for things in the works from Dr. D! Not-so Wild Shape

Tav slips inside his tent whisper quiet on little paws, noting Astarion lounging with his back to her, nose in a book. She spies her prize across the tent -a pile of ill-gotten baubles- and slinks that way. She's nearly there when the world suddenly shifts. "No no no, absolutely not." Astarion hefts her into the air by her armpits before she can grab hold of any of his pilfered trinkets. "The dog is bad enough. I will not tolerate cat hair and muddy paw prints inside my tent." He plops her unceremoniously onto the dirt just outside his tent, though she lands easily on all four. "Try your little experiment somewhere else, thief." Tav turns back to glare at him, flicking her tail in agitation. "Yes, yes, you're very cute, darling." He shoos her, "Now go."

Service and Worship are not Love

“Easy, Tav, relax! You're alright,” Gale soothes in her ear, holding her tight in his arms. Even through her light armor, Gale can feel how her heart pounds frenetically, how her whole body quakes. “You're safe, it's okay. Breathe,” “We have to leave-” Tav's voice is whisper quiet and full of panic. She sounds so young and scared. “We can't stay! We have to go -”

[NSFW Snippets below, 18+ only!]

Service and Worship are not Love

“Ahn- Gods-” “Who are you praying to, my love?” Gale asks between delicious lavishing strokes of his tongue, “No one is here but you and me. And I don't intend to share.”

When the Invite Arrives

“I can be quiet,” Tav whispers. Gale arches a brow, then teases his fingers feather-light across her breast. Tav lets out a soft moan despite herself. “No, you can’t,” he grins. Voice soft and low, he leans close to her ear, “Normally, I quite adore drawing a symphony from you, my love. But we aren't exactly in a position to indulge in that desire of mine just now.” The soft brush of his words and his beard against the sensitive shell of her ear makes her shudder. “I'll be good,” Tav whimpers, trying her best to bite back another cry when he repeats his teasing motion across her other nipple, “I promise.” Gale groans, his voice pitching ever lower, “Begging is not being quiet, Tav.”

In the After

“I find I am willing to do quite a lot for you, my love. More than I ever believed myself capable of.” Tav hums in pleasure, reveling in the feel of his closeness and the tenderness of his words. She sucks on the skin at the base of his collar, and punctuates her words with a rough grind of her hips. “And I you, husband.” Gale moans in earnest now. “I believe you may be torturing me now, love.”

[yamikuruku]

a pride themed bust for @abysskeeper ! Absolutely love the idea and had so much fun working on it 🥺

[fe-smashorpass]

Hello!

Inspired by other smash or pass blogs, this one is about Fire Emblem characters!

My name is Mod Garn and I use she/her!

Will only be posting characters who are 18+ but since this is Fire Emblem not everyone has a canon age. Even if they do, a character's age can be called into question. TL;DR I'll be arbitrarily judging a character if they look old enough for this. If you think a character should or shouldn't be here, I am sorry.

I will be doing almost every character in the franchise, including from the mainline and spin-off games, one off generics, the cipher exclusives, and manga exclusives.

Also I am splitting up characters who are technically the same character but under different identities.

Characters that will be excluded are:

underage characters (as mentioned before)

characters without a decent (or any) picture of them

Characters who share the same portrait as each other since that will be redundant

Generic portraits for classes, so if a character uses a generic class portrait (ex the 10 elites from fe3h) they won't be included (the only exceptions are Abysskeeper and Gatekeeper)

I'll be posting 3 characters a day, alphabetically, at 3PM EST.

Also thank you to reddit user u/Just_Nefariousness55 for making this post compiling every character in the games. My life was made so much easier because of you.

FAQ under the cut

Q. Why? A. Because I can

Q. Is horny posting allowed? A. Yes but please don’t be too explicit

Q. Can you add a “not attracted to character’s gender” option? A. No I don’t think it’s necessary to have, you can just press “pass” or not vote at all

Q. Why is fe2 Nuibaba your pfp? A. It funni

Q. IDK this character, can I still participate in the poll? A. Sure! You can decide whether to smash or pass just based on looks

Q. I don't care for the other things on this blog, what are the tags for the smashing or passing? A. #fe smash or pass and #fire emblem smash or pass are the tags used for the actual smash or pass polls, in case you don't care for the random bs I sometimes post on this blog

[flora-tea]

Dual commissions for @abysskeeper of two duels! Parallel scenes of their Cathar twins; Rani (the Jedi) and his sister Raz (the Sith)! Their opponents are a couple of my own cat ladies XD Panthiva for Rani and my gladiator-turned-Sith Lepachi for Raz!

Thank you so much for commissioning me!! I appreciated this project a lot and really enjoyed drawing your Cathar too! They're so awesome! 💗

(commission info)

[gothamcityneedsme]

Ok and now the more important task of finding Tav where I'm not sure he is.

What is birds? That's the one I can't place at all. And what is Shadows and Smoke? It feels familiar but I don't think my memory is accurate

@abysskeeper hilariously (and obviously) tav is in all of the pieces except the ones specifically named for other characters, lmao. its like .either the character's name is in the title OR its about tavon. oops.

under a readmore because it got long.

birds

birds i may have told you about, but also not. i open birds a LOT for how short it is, just a little dialogue snippets. i really want to make it bigger but whenever i open it, i feel like im Not Clever Enough, so then it gets closed. i looove it though.

birds, aka, why Tavon made them a little honeymoon suite on Rishi:

"So, out of all the places you could've set this up--all the little corners of the galaxy that are great for hiding--what made you choose Rishi?"

"The sights, the smells, the locals. The danger. The fact that its so easy to put on another face here--that I have already done so and have a little powerbase."

"…the nature as well, admittedly." "The nature? It isn't even cold." "No--I know that wouldn't be suitable for you. But, temperature isn't what I meant. I meant the birds." "The birds?" she asked, raising a surprised eyebrow. "Yes. I quite like birds. Not that I have an interest in studying them or suchlike--I simply find them pleasing, and Rishi has a good amount of them."

aka. my 'tavon likes birds and finds them pleasing' propaganda. tavon is a character uninterested in having pets (outside of his childhood dog) and even in universes where it works to have animal companions, it isn't really an angle he goes for. despite that, and how much tavon is also not a fan of most nature (being a snow and tundra kinda guy), i've always wanted him to like an aspect of the outdoors that was bigger than climate or just, being outside in general.

anyways. he likes birds. they aren't creatures for the cold, so they're something that don't really exist in his favorite climates. but he still likes them. likes how they sound, likes to see them. could go birdwatching but probably wouldn't be into it enough to be a fully hobbyist, just like, a casual.

i never get to make him a bird fan. so that's what 'birds' is for. trick learns something new about Tavon. the end.

.

Shadows and Smoke

this story is about tavon's worst fear becoming reality! he volunteers for a long-cover mission that ends up being longer than it was supposed to be. His loyalty to his side remains intact even though he was behind enemy lines, but somewhere along the way he loses himself. He starts thinking of himself as his cover name, and he feels as though his identity has left him. He isn't sure what to do or how to regain the man he was, and he regrets deeply what has happened. Guilt gnaws at him throughout the story, and he keeps having flashbacks to his original training, where he was molded to be a man bereft of identity.

Shadows and Smoke, aka, the story where Tavon becomes Marc. i'll share a few scenes from this one b/c tbh its so fucking Good i love it so much:

scene 1, aka, Trick, as his wife, notices he is strange upon his return:

The first night they were able to share their bed again, she expected him to flirt with her, to charm her off her feet and out of her clothes. That was similar to how it had usually gone when he had returned from a longer mission.

But, this time he was strangely quiet, almost unsure. He responded well whenever she spoke, but left to his own he seemed to be...in doubt.

It perplexed her, and she wondered just what it had done to him, to have been on such an intense mission for so long.

She sat up when he laid down beside her, leaning over to gently kiss him. He accepted the gesture, but made no move to make it more, and so she didn't either. She pulled back, her hair trailing over the pillow, a curtain between them and the world.

She was going to say something, to ask him what was wrong, but he spoke before she could.

"I'm tired," he said quietly, and the words did match some of what she saw in his eyes. "I feel as though I've been away forever, and that this is but a dream."

"It's no dream," she soothed, brushing her thumb across his cheek, "You're home, and I'm here. I waited, just as you asked."  A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips, "I even kept myself out of trouble. I figured you were in more than enough for the two of us."

"I was," he replied softly. He was looking at her in that way where it made her feel like she was the only other person in his world--the only person who got to know him like this, hear him speak like this.  It softened her while also making her sadder--she knew it must have been impossibly difficult for him, to have been under so long. She listened as he continued, "Every day felt like another test to see just how far I could stretch.  I waited for an inevitable snap the longer I remained."

"And did that time come?" she whispered, "The snap?"

His voice was strained, his eyes lost. "I don't know."

.

scene 2, aka, Marc and Tavon are different, Marc exists as a truth Tavon has never been. They are, in some ways, antithetical:

Who was Marc Hinan?  Certainly he was more honest than Tavon ever was, especially once he had returned to where he belonged--with the mission complete, secrets could fall away.

From what Marc remembered, Tavon was never really one to drop the secrets. There was always something hidden away, something that was only for him to know. He didn't share all of his burdens, even with those he trusted.

Marc, though, had no such qualms. He had, of course, while hiding. But, he was out now. Finally free to be...

To be Marc, he supposed--the Marc that was hiding even within the identity of himself. The underlayer of Marc, of which he had *thought* had been Tavon, but now he was realizing, that somewhere along the way Tavon had been scraped out, covered up, set aside.

It had been to dangerous for Tavon to be the truth.  And so...he wasn't.

.

scene 3, aka, a flashback. tavon has been conditioned and molded to be a certain way, to be a perfect tool. Only now has the harm that has done to him really become clear--ripping him asunder.

The voices of those who trained him stay with him, their names long forgotten, but their words and teachings, echoing in the hollow shell of his mind. (these scenes are second person, they are dreams)

Feel nothing. No pleasure, no pain. Whether you're warm and safe or on the threshold of death, what you feel is the absolute same. You are a shell, to only be filled with a mission. Unless duty calls for it, you will have nothing inside.

No happiness. No relief.

You remembered the feeling of the cold barrel of a gun pressed against your forehead. You stared straight ahead, unflinching even as the acrid scent of gunpowder entered your nostrils.

No fear.

there's so many good scenes in this story. I am so utterly fond of it.

[keldae]

Cactus and jasmine?

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

After moving into a new place with my brother and sister-in-law and baby nephew yesterday, I'm learning that I have WAY too much shit and need to pare a lot of it down. Combination of materialism + a hobby (cosplay) that involves a ton of material accumulation... (And the books. Oh God, the books. My dream is to have a house with a library that has a rolling shelf ladder, but in the meantime I have to cart around all my books when I move house... my suffering is real.)

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?

Honestly, half my DVD collection is movies that I watched, I liked, I bought, and then never watched again. Pretty much most of Marvel Phase Three is in that category. As far as books go, American Gods by Neil Gaiman -- I enjoyed the book immensely, but I've never felt the urge to re-read it. Also, the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett.

[theoasiswinds]

Commission for the lovely @abysskeeper