#actually today i was listening to speak now taylor's version and when this song came up i was like 'din???'

[thepancakelady]

lost your balance on a tightrope, oh it's never too late to get it back

happy seventh day of the seventh month!

[marie-swriting]

Back To Life - TASM!Peter Parker

Marvel Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Summary : Your mom and May set you and Peter up on a date, thinking you'll be a good match but both of you think it won't work.

Warnings : mention of Gwen's and Uncle Ben's deaths, mention of toxic relation (no details), anxiety, a bit of angst, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.1k

French version

Song inspiration : Electric Touch by Taylor Swift Feat. Fall Out Boys (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

Your clothes are scattered everywhere in your room; it looks like there has been a tornado though it doesn’t stop you from looking for the perfect outfit in your closet. Wrapped in a bathroom towel, despair takes over your body, you should have never listened to your mom. At least, you wouldn’t be in this situation. You grunt when someone knocks on your bedroom door, you tell the person to come in and your mom enters.

“You’re still not ready? He’s coming in thirty minutes!”

“Yes, mom, I know!” you drily retort before taking a softer voice, “Sorry. I just don’t know what to wear, I’m getting fed up.”

“Just put on something you feel good in.”

“Easier said than done! I only find flaws in my clothes. I don’t even know why I listened to you in the first place. I don’t even know him and we already have a date. This guy might be awful.” you start to ramble, pacing around your room. “I mean, you don’t even really know him either. You only know what your colleague May told you. Maybe she made him better than he actually is!”

“I might not know him personally, though I’ve seen him several times and do I need to remind you you saw him once, too. You even found him cute.”

“I saw him for five minutes, two years ago, it doesn’t count.”

“I’m sure Peter is a nice guy.” your mom affirms, stroking your cheek to calm you down. “Just to prove it to you, whenever May forgets her lunch, he always brings it to her with a big smile on his face and a kiss on the cheek. He always comes with her at work when it’s dark. And every time I talked with him, he was really polite. Do you seriously think I would have set you up on a date with the first guy I found? I have some instincts, sweetheart.”

“I’m still not convinced. We only exchanged, like, three messages and it was just to make sure it was still okay for today. Besides, maybe he won’t like me. And even if it works out tonight, who knows if it’ll last? I got a history of stories ending badly. That’s it, I’m not going, it’ll be for the better.” you state, taking your phone but your mom takes it from your hands.

“You’re not gonna cancel. Just breathe, just relax, it’ll be okay.” she tells you softly. “Look, I know your last relationship with George went bad and you suffered a lot because of it but you can’t keep closing your heart to new people because you’re scared you’ll find another version of him. Furthermore, even if things didn’t match between you and Peter, which I know won't be the case, you would have at least taken a step forward, you don’t have to be worried. Come on, put this on and you’ll see, you’ll be beautiful and at ease in your clothes.” your mom adds as she gives you a mid-length dress. “I have to go to work. Text me when you’re home, okay? Be careful. It’s going to be okay, sweetheart, I’m sure.”

Your mom kisses you one last time on the forehead before leaving your room. You let go of a sigh then finish getting ready. While doing your makeup, you can’t help but keep checking your phone, waiting for a potential message from Peter telling you the date is cancelled. Your mom managed to calm your anxiety down, yet your fear quickly came back once you’re alone again. For you, this date can only end in two ways: either it ends badly and it’ll break your heart, which is most likely to happen, or everything will be good and your heart will finally heal, which you doubt. You wonder if Peter is in the same state of mind as you.

The answer is easy: his state of panic is worse than yours. He only agreed to this date to make Aunt May happy. Since Gwen’s death, he has closed himself off but now, he wants to make an effort. However, among those efforts, ‘going out with other people’ wasn’t part of it, especially if it ends up putting another person he loves in danger; he can’t reproduce what happened with Gwen. At first, he tried to get out of it, though May insisted so much that he gave in. He sees this date as his last chance to check if he can have a romantic life whilst being Spider-man. He’d love for it to work just one time yet he can’t help but be pessimistic about it. 

Knowing you’re only meeting at the end of the day, Peter decided to go on his daily patrol earlier. Nothing much stands out of the ordinary, therefore, he comes home just on time to get ready. At least, no matter if this date is catastrophic, he’s sure he’ll be on time.

Entering his room, he takes off his Spider-man suit and takes a shower. In his closet, he takes the first outfit he finds then he starts panicking. 

“It’s a first date, I can’t wear whatever clothes I find,” he tells himself. 

He’s about to change when he wonders why he’s overthinking this much when he knows it’s not gonna work out. You’re probably not going to like him or vice-versa. So, he puts back on his black t-shirt and takes a glance at himself in the mirror. His outfit is casual, maybe too casual for a first date. He should add a jacket. He can’t tell the difference it makes. He has no idea if his outfit is okay. After all, he doesn’t want to try too much but on the other hand, he wants to try a bit, you deserve to have a date with a guy who is presentable. He ends up changing his black t-shirt for a dark blue one. It’s less sad, isn’t it? As soon as he checks the time, he realises he can’t think any longer and goes to do his hair. May interrupts him to tell him she’s leaving for work.

“You look cute like this, I’m sure Y/N will agree with me.”

“Don’t know.” Peter mutters, turning around to be in front of May.

“Believe me, it’s already the case. Her mom told me you caught her eyes.” She affirms with a big smile.

“It doesn’t mean this date will go well. I’m not even sure I want to go out with someone else, Aunt May.”

“Peter, I know Gwen’s death has been hard on you but you can’t stay stuck in a world where Gwen is with you,” May starts as she puts her hands on her nephew. “You have to move on. That doesn’t mean you’re going to forget her. Gwen will always be in your heart and that’s normal, but it doesn’t mean you can’t let another person in. Besides, this date doesn’t have to end with a relationship. I’m already proud to see you allow yourself to move on despite the pain.”

“I miss her.” Peter whispers.

“I know, honey.”

“Do you think pain ever stops?”

“I think it becomes easier to live with it,” May softly answers. “You know, now I can think about your Uncle Ben without feeling my heart breaking completely. I can think about the good memories first before remembering he’s not here anymore. It’ll be okay for you, too, Peter. I’m sure of it.”

Peter smiles one last time at his aunt while she leaves the room. When Peter is ready, he checks his phone and sees you haven’t cancelled last minute, so he has no other choice than leaving to take the subway. Technically, he should be at your place at 7:00 P.M. sharp so you can go to a dinner which is fifteen minutes away from your home. 

In the subway, Peter’s stress gets higher and higher as he thinks about what he could say to you, after all, he doesn’t know you. Your conversations might be empty and if it’s the case, it’s going to be a very very long date. As he thinks about a question he could ask you as an icebreaker, the subway abruptly stops. Peter looks through the windows and he sees they haven’t arrived at the next station yet. Suddenly, a voice interrupts Peter’s interrogations as it informs them:

“Dear passengers, we are currently having some technical difficulties. We are doing everything we can to fix the situation as quickly as possible. We apologise for this inconvenience.”

Peter sighs once he hears this information. He is going to be late. Great. He takes his phone out of his pocket to text you but, of course, he doesn’t have a signal.

For him, this breakdown is like a sign, he shouldn’t have accepted to go out with someone. Even if all of this doesn’t end like Gwen, the fact is, it won’t work, it’s for certain. He’d like not to suffer again, yet Peter feels like he’s allergic to happiness. 

Peter tries to calm down his anxiety as he thinks back to Aunt May’s words and puts his phone away before waiting until the situation is fixed. 

As for you, you’re waiting for Peter, sitting on your living room couch. It’s almost seven, he should be here any minute now. From time to time, you glance at the window but you don’t see him. The more the time goes by, the more you’re fidgeting. 

“Just breathe, just relax, it’ll be okay”, your mother’s words resonate in your head in vain.

Your eyes go from the window to your phone, both of them bring you no news about Peter’s whereabouts. You start biting your lips, imagining the worst case scenarios. Maybe he stood you up? No, your mom assured you he was a nice guy, he wouldn’t do it. Maybe you gave him the wrong address? You check your messages and discover you made no mistake. Maybe you were wrong on the day and time of the date? Once again, your messages prove you wrong. Maybe something bad happened to him, then? No, you can’t start imagining awful things. He’s just late, nothing else. Right?

You wait a little bit more and when it’s half past seven, you text him to know where he is. You don’t get an answer. You start biting your nails whilst your heart begins to race in your chest, the stress getting out of hand, you don’t understand what’s happening and you start second-guessing this date. It was clearly a mistake, you should have never agreed to it. You would have loved for it to work for once however it seems like you’re doomed. You were right, you are going to have your heart broken and this date will end badly - if Peter ever shows up.

After being stuck for forty minutes in the subway, Peter finally arrives at your station. He weaves in between people as he runs so he isn’t any later than he already is. Five minutes later, he sees your house from afar. As soon as he passes by your living room window,  you see him running like he’s being chased by something. Checking your phone, you see it’s 8:05. He’s more than an hour late, at that realisation, you roll your eyes. He better have a good excuse. You have already had guys who weren’t punctual, you don’t need another one! 

Once he’s at your door, he quickly runs a hand in his hair, takes a deep breath before knocking. He waits for a moment before you open the door. As soon as he sees you, Peter is mesmerised by your beauty so he just stands there, saying nothing. When you give him a look, he snaps back before speaking. 

“I’m so sorry for being late. I was stuck in the subway and-”

“I would have appreciated a text.” you interrupt him, drily.

“I didn’t have a signal. I got one once I arrived at the station. Normally, I’m always on time, I swear. I’m sorry I made you wait. You probably thought I stood you up which is totally normal but I didn’t. I tried to come here as soon as I could when the subway worked again.” Peter explains and you can tell he’s being sincere. “I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I? I didn’t mean it. I totally get it if you don't want us to go out.”

“I still want to. The subway broke down, it’s not your fault,” you reassure him with a smile.

Upon hearing your sentence, Peter smiles back at you. Even if he wasn’t excited to go out with you, he made a commitment to you and he always makes sure to fulfil his promises.

You take your bag and close your front door. Peter lets you walk first and you go to the diner. On the way there, you ask Peter a few more questions about the subway breakdown, not really knowing what topic is best to bring first.

Once you’re at your table, you keep doing small talk. Just by looking at you two, people could tell you’re not at ease, you don’t know how to act toward the other. None of you is ready to have a deep conversation. It's as if you have forgotten how to act on a first date. You even think about making up an excuse to leave. The conversation is awkward until you order your food. After talking about yet another random topic, Peter sighs before talking: 

“I’m sure this situation is as awkward for you as it is for me. Your mom and my aunt set us up but it doesn’t mean it has to feel like this. I don’t know for you, but it’s my first date in a long time and I’m a bit rusty. My last relationship ended…, let’s just say, tragically, and so maybe we don’t really need to put big expectations for tonight. We should just get to know each other without expecting anything in particular and just see where it leads us, if that’s okay with you?”

“That’s okay with me.” you agree, letting go of a sigh of relief. “My last relationship ended badly, too. It was pretty toxic and I have to admit I need to warm up to new people first.”

“Let’s take it slowly then. No need to have a big romantic date, let’s just have a nice moment with someone new. What do you say?”

“I say I agree with you.”

From that moment on, the tension leaves your table, letting you get to know each other in peace. Peter asks some questions about the last book you read and quickly, you start talking about your interests, no matter if you have them in common or not. 

In the end, you spend a good moment together. You hadn’t laughed that much in a long time. Peter is instantly enamoured by your laugh, loving the way your face brightens. Peter talks a bit about him and you have to admit you like his personality more and more. You mom was right, Peter is genuinely nice. At some points, you both mention your last relationship, without going into too much detail. You still have a long way to go, though you’re not against the idea of walking side by side.

After eating, you stay a bit longer at the restaurant, not noticing the time going by. When you leave, it’s past 10:00 P.M. As soon as you’re outside, you shiver because of the cold night. Peter notices it and offers you his jacket. At first, you refuse, but he insists so you accept it. As he puts his jacket on your shoulder, his right hand brushes past your shoulder and you shiver again, yet  this time, it’s not because of the cold, your heart also beats faster yet, not because of your anxiety. His touch is like electricity and upon raising your head, you see how close Peter is to you and you think about how even more beautiful he is at this distance. You try not to show anything as you start walking to your place.

On the way home, you keep talking and you wish this moment would never end. You never thought you’d feel this connected to a man this quickly. As for Peter, he never thought he would let himself look tenderly at another woman who isn’t Gwen. Aunt May was right, Gwen will always be in his heart however he’s not as against the idea of letting someone new in as he used to be. Maybe not right away, but if you were to find your way to his heart, he would be happy about it.

Once you’re in front of your door, you give Peter his jacket back and you secretly hope to touch his hand but the clothes prevent you from doing it. You smile at Peter as he finishes talking about his theory about the multiverse. 

“It was really nice tonight. I didn’t think I would have such a great time.” he smiles.

“Me neither. I had some apprehension.”

“I get it.”

“You know, I wouldn’t mind doing something like this again,” you start, avoiding his gaze, “I’d be happy to see where this leads us, even if we’re taking our time.”

“I’d be happy about it, too. Do you think it’s too soon to tell you you’re stunning? I’ve been thinking about it all evening and I just thought I should tell you before leaving and regret not telling you.”

At his compliment, your cheeks heat up while a smile makes its way on your face which Peter finds more than cute. Knowing he made you smile warms his heart.

“It’s not too soon, I appreciate the compliment. You’re cute, too. And do you think it’ll be too soon if I kissed your cheek?” you ask and Peter freezes. Instantly, you regret your question and you don’t know what to do with yourself. “Sorry, I went too far, I shouldn’t have.”

“I just didn’t expect this but I wouldn’t mind.”

A bit embarrassed, you get closer to Peter and put your hand on his cheek before kissing his right one. Feeling your touch on his skin, Peter can’t breathe for a second. He didn’t think your touch would be this electric on his skin. The kiss was short yet it’s already engraved in his memory. He knows he’s going to think about it every second of the day. When you back up, you wish him a good night before entering your house. Peter stands there until your door is closed, then he leaves your porch, a big smile on his lips. 

You both lovingly think back to the evening you’ve just had. You know it’s only the beginning, though you already know one just like the other will know how to bring your heart back to life. You already want to see each other again and maybe it’ll take some time to allow yourself to fully fall in love again, but you don’t mind. For once, you know it’s going to end well.

Marvel Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

[racingliners]

hi seanagh!! in honour of speak now tv and because you’re one of my fave mutuals…

🎶✨️when you get this, put 5 songs you actually listen to, then publish. Send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers/mutuals (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)🎶✨️

Hi!!!!! Thanks so much for sending me this (and right back at you my lovely! 💚)

Sparks Fly (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift. Obviously a very new addition since it literally came out today, but it's one of my favourite Taylor songs and I'm so happy to finally have the re-recorded version to enjoy!

Wildest Dreams (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift. And my actual favourite Taylor song ever.

Lights Off - We Are Domi. My fave ESC entry from last year and it's absolutely one of my favourite songs outright. A classic for dancing round your room with zero cares.

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac. All my F1 moots will know why 😅

Standing In the Dark - Lawson. One of three bands I listened to on repeat in the 2010s, and still a song I love listening to (and playing air guitar, air drums etc).

[sitpwgs]

Hi! The text post I was talking about was the depression maximizing it's joint slay which is awful but was also kinda funny in the moment. I'm so sorry about your voice! I'm not even sure how it can be gone for that many days still but I hope you are taking care of yourself and getting plenty of rest. I'm glad your work party was okay besides that though which sounds horrible actually. I hope it is a little better by your birthday. Do you have any fun plans?

Wow I guess we are opposites in that way! Coffee is just okay to me and I would never have any reason to drink it basically, if my sister didn't. That makes sense but I think I just prefer hot chocolate in the winter I guess and soda or maybe lemonade in the summer. But I drink soda everyday haha but have been drinking it for a long time and can barely remember ever not drinking it. But I think a lot of people don't drink it as much as I thought anymore so maybe I'm the weird one and I know it might be cuz it's bad for you. But maybe I like things that are really sweet compared to other people.

Well I'm not that familiar with it..I watched a bootleg a few years ago randomly and can't remember why. Otherwise I wouldn't know about it either. I don't even remember it that much except for the basic plot and some songs which I liked. it's the same composers of Cabaret and Chicago..Kander and Ebb, and has a similar vibe to those shows. Just like a show within a show vibes if you know what I mean and what's a fantasy and what's reality and that's why I said it could make a good movie, cuz Chicago did a similar thing in the movie.

Ooh I don't really make playlists and it's hard to know what to recommend to people but I would love that if you wanted to make a playlist for me! That sounds lovely. The songs I recommended to you before were more like rock so I wasn't sure if you would like it honestly. I could totally give you my favorite Paramore songs if you want but would also recommend all of their songs cuz listening to music is so subjective. I also recommend Hayley's solo music! She put out two albums in less than a year like Taylor did with Folklore and Evermore and they have a slower sad vibe that's also similar, but different than Paramore I guess and the lyrics are so good.

Sometimes I find live albums pretty distracting honestly if it includes the crowd but I love live performances recordings if it's like acoustic or stripped down so I would love it for the surprise songs. Like Lover live in Paris was good and Folklore long pond so I guess I wouldn't mind it. I think she released a few live versions right before Speak Now TV came out so it's a possibility.

Evermore is amazing to me..mostly the song but also the album, and the anniversary is today! So what are your favorites? Least Favorites or had to grow on you and do you like it more than Folklore? I think Evermore is hard for me cuz I don't have a lot of favorites on the album but my favorite song is on the album lol and I think its good combined with Folklore. What do you think? Also I see you have been able to get back into reading and enjoyed a few reads which is good. I still don't have time right now but I will continue my Night Circus read in January. I also hope you are resting and continue to feel better!!!

helloooo my dear friend! and OH that makes sense! i'm glad it made you laugh :) my voice keeps coming in and out, and i definitely have this like, you know how people sound when they're sick like kinda scratchy deeper voice? that's kind of how i sound. and of course this last month is when all my neighbors have decided they want to be my best friend and talk to me! and yes! i think my mom and i are doing lunch with my uncle on my birthday, and then i'm going to a hockey game that evening! this is the first year in a long time where i'm not celebrating my birthday by going to see a show (covid aside), so it feels very odd! i have literally no plans! to see any musicals! anytime soon! and that just feels SO very weird to me.

if it makes you feel any better, my ex-ex-boss (boss two jobs ago) drank SO much diet coke — i don't think i ever saw her drink water — so you could always be worse! almost all of my friends love soda, so i'm definitely the odd one out in my friend group! i do love a good lemonade though, and i will occasionally drink a hot choc when it's cold out!

it's funny you bring up bootlegs because i've had two different bootlegs downloaded on my computer to watch at some point for ... the last couple of months now? i hate having things on my desktop because i don't like the clutter so i've been keeping it there to incentivize myself to watch them but ... nope! haven't touched it! haven't even opened it to see if the sound works or anything! but i've got a few crafty projects i want to work on before the year's over, so maybe one of these nights i'll put a bootleg on and try to work on some crafts! i love things that are like [media] within a [media] — it's why i love the starless sea so much, and also the pippin revival! did we ever talk about schmigadoon/schmicago? i still haven't seen that either, but it seems to be that same format! ugh i really need to be better at watching tv / movies in 2024!

i would love to know your favorites! i'll work on the playlist sometime soon and then make my way through it :") i'm excited! i don't listen to a lot of rock — did i tell you i'm seeing fall out boy in the spring? so i do have to learn their music too! i didn't know hayley had her own solo music!! i'll have to add that to the playlist as well! i've been seeing the recent paramore anniversary vinyls on twitter and they're SO pretty!!! i'm always a sucker for a pretty vinyl (not that i have the space for more, nor should i get more — i say, as i have a bunch of vinyls coming)

i loveeeeed lover live from paris! i have the vinyl for it too but i'm too scared to spin it haha. i wish she did an evermore long pond, but i also think it'd be fun if she did a midnights long pond. i find that i tend to prefer the acoustic version of songs over the original, for some reason! just something about the stripped back version of things, i think.

happy (belated) evermore birthday! i think my favorites are: right where you left me, marjorie, and coney island, but i do very much love cowboy like me, evermore, tolerate it, gold rush, etc. the one song i always, always, always skip when i'm in the car is no body no crime — the sirens freak me out! ( i also live very close to a fire station ). do you prefer folklore more or evermore? i think cohesively i prefer evermore more, but i like my favorites on folklore a lot more than i do my favorites on evermore (save for marjorie). maybe i like folklore more, actually. i'm not sure, haha. what are your evermore favorites and folklore favorites?

and no worries at all, friend! i know you're busy! excited to hear your night circus thoughts when you get around to reading it 🤍

[r0und3bitch]

Twin Flames ❤️‍🔥 Blurb: Our Lord and Savior (Taylor’s Version)

MASTERLIST

Y/N’s Notes App

Synopsis: Rafe finally discovers what you’ve known for quite some time now — in Taylor Swift, we trust.

Warnings: Pure fluff and self indulgence. I wrote this one for me.

Notes: this video is crucial. Also reminder “I’d Do Anything To Make You Smile” is a Jack Harlow song. Full notes are actually at the end this time! Enjoy loves

Y/N 🦋: if you come over after work I’ll make pasta and we can open that bottle of wine we stole from Topper’s 😇 Y/N 🦋: and I can play you the new Jack Harlow album - OBVIOUSLY 😈

Boy Wonder 🍤: “I’d Do Anything To Make You Smile” 🫠

Y/N 🦋: cheater! You already listened to it without me?!

Boy Wonder 🍤: like you haven’t already played it a thousand times today…

Y/N 🦋: 🤐

Boy Wonder 🍤: I only listened to a few songs, the ones that stuck out

Y/N 🦋: that one’s already one of my favorites 😈

Boy Wonder 🍤: same Boy Wonder 🍤: made me think of someone…

Y/N 🦋: 🥺

It’s just an emoji but the image planted in his brain of you making that beyond cute, pouty face at him doesn't leave his mind throughout the rest of his work day. 

And it’s exactly how he finds you hours later as he walks into your kitchen, stirring something over the stove, slightly swaying back and forth to the music you have on. He takes notice of the wine bottle on the counter - the extremely expensive one you both drunkenly managed to steal from Topper's family’s wine cellar at the party he threw last weekend. He chuckles at the memory, gaining your attention as you turn towards him, meeting him with that pouty, needy smile he’d been dying to see on you all day. 

You’re so happy to see him you could honestly burst. 

“Shit, I didn’t even hear you come in!” You say loud enough over the music. 

“It smells amazing in here…” he beams, already reaching his arms around you. 

“Thank you.” You smile sweetly up at him before setting the large spoon back down on the counter. 

Rafe looks down at the multiple pots and pans on the stove, chucking slightly as realization dawns on him. 

“You made Gigi Hadid’s pasta recipe didn’t you?” He giggles into your ear, pulling you further into his arms. 

“No way, you noticed?!” 

Of course he noticed. It’d been everywhere on Tiktok and Instagram. Not to mention, Wheezie - the future influencer of the Cameron Family, hadn’t shut up about it lately. 

Rafe’s mouth was honestly watering while looking down at your creation, the smile breaking out on his face was inevitable at this point, taking note of your good mood and breezy nature about you in this exact moment. It’s one of those rare times he sees you just relax. You’re not running around like a chicken with your head cut off between meetings, screaming arguing back and forth with Sid about god knows what, you’re not literally losing your mind trying to manage all of that - including your obligations back in Miami. 

Seeing you like this, so free and happy and full of light touches Rafe deeply, making him pause. 

This is how she should always look. This is how it should always be for her. She deserves to always feel like this. 

“Seems like you’ve had a day, baby.” 

“My dad didn’t need me at the office today so I got high and made fresh pasta too…”

You’re grinning from ear to ear now as you turn to look up at him fondly. He notices small patches of what must be flour on your leggings, proof of your handiwork and he’s beyond elated that you didn’t change for him, didn’t put on some fancy outfit before he came over, loving nothing more than getting the realest, most raw version of you. 

“It looks perfect.” And you grin even further at his compliment. “Maybe we can make some together next time.” 

He presses a soft kiss to your cheek. 

The image of Rafe covered in flour makes you giggle before your mind wanders to how good he must be at kneading dough considering he has huge hands - your brain instantly going haywire  at the mental image alone when he speaks up. 

“Now, what do you say we bust open this bottle that we worked our asses off for—” (you pipe up, “and nearly shattered in my driveway!”) “—and your fine ass puts on that Jack Harlow album I know you’ve literally been dying to play for me all day, sweet girl.”

A final, meant to be loud giggle from you seals the deal as Rafe looks up at you, cute as fucking ever, but slightly confused at your best words. 

“Okay, shrimp…”

You’re on the second full run through of the album, the bottle of wine just about polished off between the two of you as you spread out on the massive couch in the living room, bellies full of pasta and laugher as Rafe clutches his sides, abs almost sore from his bodies reaction to your story. 

“Listen! I don’t even remember doing it!”

Rafe can barely get words out, choking down his own giggles rising again. 

“Fucking, shrimp…”

“I just remember waking up the next morning after that party…barely alive and hanging on by a thread…”

Rafe’s almost cackling at this point of your story. 

“No, I’m serious! I slept in my contacts and could barely open my left eye. I had a full on predator eye going! It was rough. Anyways! I wake up, finally find my phone buried deep in Sarah’s bed only to look down at your contact name, seeing that fucking emoji there and thinking — welp… I guess he’s shrimp now!”

The way you deliver it has Rafe nearly spewing wine out of his mouth, literal tears beginning to form in his eyes, both of you on the verge of hysterics again at the story of how the emoji in his contact name in your phone came to be. 

“Literally, don’t even remember changing it! I don’t even know where it came from!”

But Rafe does and it makes him double down harder as his never ending reel of memories of you from that drunken night come flooding back. 

“Because Kelce and Sarah wouldn’t stop quoting that fuckin’ scene from Forest Gump—”

Your hand clamps over your mouth harshly at his words, as if that would stifle any of the near snorting laughs coming out of you, quite honestly on the verge of peeing your pants as you lose it with laughter again. 

“Then I had to listen to your beautiful, drunk ass literally beg for coconut shrimp the next three hours!”

You reach over and cup his face with your hand, face going momentarily serious and you try to keep an even keel to deliver your next words as you stroke his cheek affectionately. 

“Awww, shrimp…” 

Silence only hangs in the air for about half a second as you both full on lose it, Rafe nearly rolling over onto the floor with how hard he’s laughing. 

It’s at that moment Noah slips into the room, looking quite dapper himself as he grins at the sight of you both so clearly at ease with each other. 

“Having fun, kids?”

You and Rafe whip your heads in his direction, grins not even slightly dampening as you both do a once over on him. 

Noah’s sometimes floppy hair is pushed back over his face, accenting his ‘only visible in the summer’ freckles that glitter his glowing face. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone, showing the chain and tattoos poking out beneath the brilliant shade of gold and black fabric. One of his most expensive watches adorns his left wrist as he looks down at the time. 

“Shit, look at you!” 

Rafe cat whistles loudly. 

“Ya got a hot date?”

Noah just sends both of you that trademark grin, lips sealed knowingly as to not give any of his secrets. 

“No, I’m actually thinking of heading to the beach and going swimming.”

You forget sometimes that he’s your twin and can play the smart ass game just as good, if not better than you, at times. 

“Wow, someone’s feisty. Tryin’ to keep the girl a secret? OH!” You squeal loudly. “That’s a song in the album too! Have you listened yet?!” 

“Listen man!” Rafe pipes up “If you’re taking Emma out, I get it. I’d probably lie too…” he laughs and scratches his nose as you slap him in the arm, earning brownie points from you for equally giving Noah a hard time. 

Noah signs loudly. His sister was one thing. But Rafe…maybe you both needed to be knocked down a peg. Or two. (affectionately). 

“God, I just love the two of you together. Honesly, just a fuckin joy!” 

His sarcasm is relentless. 

“You’re really not gonna tell us who you’re wearing your favorite cologne for?” 

You can smell it from where you’re sitting as Noah just rolls his eyes, your persistent questioning beginning to irritate him in a way only a sister can. 

“Not a chance!”

“It probably is Emma…” you whisper to Rafe, full on earning Noah’s annoyance as he sparks an idea in his head, knowing just how to push your buttons. 

“Andddddddd on that note, I’m out! Enjoy your evening lovebirds…” 

He pauses briefly before turning to you fully, delivering the kill. 

“Oh — and call Jordan back before I fucking smack you, Y/N!”

You almost drop the wine glass in your hands. 

“Excuse me?!”

Your high pitched response is proof enough of your defeat for Noah. 

“Ya! You heard me! He called me again to check in on you. I’m not getting into the middle of it but this is getting kind of ridiculous, you know that right? Are you mad at him or something?” 

Noah’s fully aware and knows that saying this in front of Rafe would ruffle your feathers, his game plan exactly. 

“What?! No—” but you’re already sputtering an attempt at a response to his words. 

“Then call him back! It’s not fucking rocket science, Y/N.”

He shoots you both that frustrating, almost downright cruel grin, muttering a “later” in your direction before turning on his heel and heading out the back door to the garage. 

You’re too stunned to react once Noah’s out of the room, taking into account the huge shift in energy in the room as his departure. Are you sure you were laughing just moments ago?

It seems impossible that you could’ve been feeling light as a feather only minutes ago in Rafe’s presence as nothing but guilt threatens to consume you. As it threatens to knock the wind out of you. 

Jordan called Noah again. 

As if his never ending thread of unread texts hadn’t already permanently been tormenting you, along with Whitney’s persistent questioning on the rare occasions she could even get you on the phone these days. 

Rafe’s still on the couch next to you, letting you process a moment or two, gauging your reaction. 

You take one look at his face and already know what he’s going to ask, bracing yourself. 

“You don’t want to talk him?” He asks cautiously. 

“It’s not that…”

He feels you tense up slightly, panicking only for a second before he settles. Rafe takes a deep breath before gently continuing.  

“You never really talk about him. Or any of them, really. Whitney, Kendall…”

He’d been privileged enough to earn just a small amount of conversation with Whitney (the girl LOVED to talk), outside of hearing your call with her on your second day in the Outer Banks. Kendall’s name popped up from you here and there - along with some others, yet literally not a single peep about Jordan. 

“It’s uh…” he heard you shakily release a breath. “It’s just hard.” 

You’re looking around the room briefly before casting your eyes downward at your hands. Anywhere but Rafe’s all too knowing eyes as you shift back farther into the couch, farther away from him. 

You may have only moved an inch, but mentally he feels you pulling back miles as his mind goes into overdrive, reaching out to take your hands in his. 

“Baby — Hey, please don’t pull away from me, it’s just me.” 

His words sound like honey as they come out of his mouth; wrapping around you like a warm hug, making you momentarily forget what’s happening. 

He lifts your hand to his face and lays soft kisses to the inside of your wrist. He’s being so gentle and sweet that it actually makes you want to puke but you can’t help but fall for him even deeper at the action. 

He’s trying so hard. Trying so hard to break through to you that you can’t help but give in, knowing his efforts have been worth it. 

“I didn’t really want to leave any of them.” you’re looking down at where his fingers are still gently grasping your wrist. “And when I had to…”

You choke slightly and Rafe notices, eyes furrowing downward with concern, immediately wanting to embrace you. He compromises by squeezing your wrist encouragingly, giving you the space and time to get whatever it was you had to say out. 

“Sometimes it just makes it harder, ya know?” When you look at him, eyes brimming with tears, his heart actually breaks a little bit because your face says it all. 

The next part comes flooding out of your mouth of its own accord.

“I didn’t want to leave any of them. And when I had to, it felt like —like m-my whole life was torn apart. It felt like I had part of my identity —part of my soul taken from me by having to be away from the only people in my life that ever cared about me.” 

You take a shaky breath before letting the rest out, your voice strained. 

“Miami was so isolating, it just became easy. It became…” you trail off unsure of how to put words to the feelings you’re having.

If Rafe’s heart was breaking before, it’s full on crushed now under the impact of your words. He’d known if had been hard for you — you always kept this part of your life so guarded and part of him was now fully understanding why. It was to protect yourself. It was your defense mechanism. 

“I don’t want to push them away” your voice is barely above a whisper now. “It just—”

The tears are full on ready to brim over now but Rafe won’t allow them to make a home on your beautiful face that was minutes ago laughing at his shitty Game of Thrones jokes. 

“Hey, Y/N” He reaches down under your chin to tilt your eyes back to his. 

“I get it. I know, baby.”

“I don’t think they do, though…”

Rafe contemplates a minute, his words tenderly melting you. 

“I can’t really blame them for missing you, Y/N.” 

You look up at him curiously, hanging on tightly for his next words. 

“I can’t imagine my world without you in it.”

It happens again. Everything stops. The paradigm shifts and alters the weavings of your universe. Time stands still and it’s just the two of you staring at each other, eyes swarming deeply into the others. You’re absolutely positive the rest of the world has melted away and it’s only you and him left, completely and utterly okay with that actually. 

“And if they’re feeling any ounce of what I’d be feeling at that thought…” Rafe shakes his head, his own panic bubbling within him at the thought as he chokes his own terrifying, haunting, insecurities down. 

“They probably hate me…” 

Rafe breaks out of his own subconscious of insecurities as yours come tumbling out of your mouth. He wants to shake every single one of them out of your head, to prove you wrong at all costs. He wants to turn to you and say “not a single person in this world could hate you” yet chokes as he thinks of your father, of Zach… of the laundry list of names who’ve failed you. Of the laundry list of names of people who are inevitably next in line to do the same—, to chew you up and spit you back out, Rafe all but refuses to sign his name to that blank space.

“They could never and will never hate you, Y/N.”

His arms reach around your waist and pull you fully into his lap now, his hands brushing up under the bare skin of your tank top making you shiver in his grasp. Your goosebumps are soon soothed by his warm body against yours, your back pressed against his chest as he places kiss after kiss on your cheek, hearing that glorious giggle as a sign of victory. 

“They love you…” He whispers slowly into your ear, sending chills down your spine. 

Just like I do…

He dips his head further down, his lips planting themself to your shoulder briefly before turning to your neck, resting them against your flesh as he whispers. 

“You just have to let them, yeah?” 

And then his final words that travel through every cell in your body before making a home in your heart. 

“You deserve to be loved, Y/N.” 

His words stay hanging in the air for a moment or two, letting them sink in fully, the gravity of which is enough to pull all the breath out of your lungs.

Only if that means by you too. 

You’re grappling with your own thoughts —thoughts that no one in the world's love matters if you don’t have Rafe’s— as his arms squeeze around you, kisses literally attacking the flesh around your neck, fingers pinching playfully into your sides as you shriek in his arms. 

That giddy, unrelenting feeling of being loved by Rafe Cameron swells through your body until it’s bursting through you in the form of wild laughs and high pitched giggles as Rafe’s equally goofy grinned face shines down on you pressed back against him. 

You turn to face him now, eyes zoning in on the spot you desire the most —his lips, before meeting his eyes fleetingly.

“Okay, shrimp…” giggling for the thousandth time that evening as you both take into account the Jack Harlow album still playing in the background. 

“Do you think the DJ will let me change the playlist? There’s this song I found for this really hot girl that I want to play for her…”

“Hmm…I think the DJ might allow it. The album is almost over anyway.”

“Here…” you slowly break out of Rafe’s arms to reach for your phone on the coffee table. After opening the app, you hand it to him as you slowly stand. 

“The ‘hot girl’ is gonna grab more wine, you cool with that?”

“Who said I was talking about you, baby?” Rafe bites his lip, your eyes rolling at him but shooting him a wide mouth grin nonetheless. 

Rafe’s still chuckling to himself as you walk out of the room, his fingers already scrolling up on the app to the search bar, eager to find the song he'd heard earlier in the day on the way to meet his client for lunch. 

His fingers freeze though when a certain playlist catches his eye. Or rather the name of the playlist. The same contact name you’d given him in your phone…

His fingers hover over the words “Boy Wonder” for only the slightest of seconds before he presses an ardent finger to the screen, mind full on blowing apart into little pieces at what he finds. 

He feels his heart race quicken rapidly, needing to psychically stand from the couch to mentally process what was happening as he runs a shaky hand through his hair. 

Absent-mindedly, partly in pure bewilderment, he presses play to a song at random before him. 

You’d only been gone a moment or two. Long enough to reach far, far back into your fathers wine cellar to pull out a bottle that could contend with the one you’d stolen from Toppers but wouldn’t have your dad threatening to cut off your inheritance if he so happened to find out you took it. 

You’re proud of your selection, ready to show it off to Rafe. You’re beyond giddy, the effects of the first bottle still in very real effect even after your very sobering conversation. The first thing you notice the moment you step back into the living room was that Rafe had undoubtedly held true to his promise; the song had changed.

What you hadn’t, in any world or universe, even remotely expected to hear, was this Taylor Swift song playing — only to be met with Rafe’s frozen, towering stance as he clutched your phone in the middle of the living room. 

The wine bottle almost falls out of your grasp when it slowly starts to piece together. Your phone in his hands…the song playing…the fucking playlist. 

Embarrassment truly doesn’t even begin to touch the surface of the emotions taking over every inch of your body. Rafe’s unreadable face looks up at you as you both stand frozen with what feels like millions of miles between the two of you. 

The muscles around his mouth twitch, and the act alone cuts the distance between you tenfold, immediately pulling you into his orbit. 

It’s one of those rare moments in your life where you’re truly at a loss for words, trying to find the right ones to say that doesn’t make you sound like a psychotic, love struck, teenage girl. 

Fuck me, this is not happening right now! 

“What, uh…” unbeknownst to you, Rafe’s feeling equally giddy and love struck as he tries to process everything. 

“Oh, that’s…”

His muscles are twitching again and you can see the dimples forming in his cheeks, brightening yours what must be a crimson shade of red. 

“…is this…Uh…” his fingers feel shaky as he grips your phone. “Is this for me?” He asks eagerly. 

Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. 

I mean you suppose it’s his? You’d made it for him certainly, although had literally no intention of him ever knowing it fucking existed! 

You truly feel like you’re about to faint but Rafe’s warm aura encircling the space between you two seems to magically keep you from full on panicking before him, still unable to move a muscle as you just watch one of your most embarrassing moments ever unfold before you. 

“Sort of…”

You meet his eyes again, lost in those ocean blue orbs that seem to read you like a magazine. 

“They’re uh…” Rafe’s heart is swooning so incredibly hard for you, not used to the beyond endearing embarrassment adorning your features, feeling like he’s seeing a brand new side of you for the first time. He briefly wonders what other marvelous versions of you he’d yet to discover. Willing to spend forever seeking them out…

“They’re songs that remind me of you…” you finally say, trying to unclench your jaw as you release a deep breath to try and calm yourself down. 

“Taylor Swift songs that remind you of me?” He questions softly, in total awe. 

You truly have never wanted to crawl deeper into a hole and never come out. 

Internally, permanently, forever cringing at his words. 

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?!

“Yeah. So, I’m just going to crawl into a hole and—”

“No, no, no!” It’s Rafes turn to panic now, words coming out jumbled together, unwilling to let you feel even an ounce of embarrassment at something that is making him feel like he’s falling for you all over again. “It’s—”

His genuine smile, the one that only Rafe can seem to break through to you with, is the only explanation as to why your lips start moving as words somehow magically leave your mouth. 

“I started making it right when I came to the Outer Banks…”

The thought alone of you spending the past few months casually adding songs to this playlist whenever you’d hear one that particularly reminded you of him —mind floating back to all of the memories the two of you had shared this summer— is a powerful enough feeling to nearly bring him to his knees. 

What in god's name made him lucky enough to have you? To deserve you? Why him?

His mind touches a box of compartmentalized memories —his hands, hands that’ve roamed dozens of girls bodies in the Outer Banks —of those same hands coming down harshly over their ass, meeting their ears with the most degrading of words —of literal slaps to the face as images of random faces cry as he tries to slip out of their bedrooms undetected…

Rafe wasn’t sure what the hell he had done in his life to positively deserve to feel the way you made him feel. Hell, he still wasn’t entirely sure he did in fact deserve it, deserve you. It didn’t make sense at how so sweet and sincere of a gesture could be playing at his heartstrings before him…

How are you real, Y/N? How did I do this before you? 

“It’s uh…” 

HOLY SHIT - his brain will NOT compute. Is he short circuiting?! Fuckin say something idiot! WORDS! 

“Will you play one — well another one—” taking account of the song already playing. “Will you put on another song for me? 

His eagerness slowly, subconsciously, melts away at the anxiety building within you. 

“You want to hear another one?” 

“Yeah —actually I uh…I do.” He’s glancing back down at your phone in his hand again, his thumb slowly moving down the screen. “I’m not sure if I know any of these songs though”

He knows that's not true even as he says it. 

You laugh, confirming you know the truth behind that, further proving his point. Rafe has been hanging around you day in and day out for the better part of summer — there’s no doubt he knows quite a few songs on the playlist better than he thinks…

“Okay…” you oblige softly, already reaching for your phone back. “I can pick one.” 

“Or, uh…..” his heart starts beating erratically as the thought pops into his head, his turn to be embarrassed. 

You see his face falter for a moment, cheeks turning red as he fidgets.

Is he nervous? Why is he embarrassed?! You’re the psycho fucking girl who made a playlist of Taylor Swift songs that remind you of this beautiful man standing in front of you —only for said beautiful man to find THE FUCKING PLAYLIST— OH MY GOD— THE FUCKING TITLE OF THE PLAYLIST—You’re pretty sure you’re fully going into cardiac arrest now. Please God, if you’re out there, just come and strike me down, RIGHT NOW, at this moment. 

You’re waiting for the heavens above you to open and a lightning bolt to blast through the sky, blissfully ready for its strike. You’re saved from fate's seal though, realization dawning that this might actually be your worst nightmare as Rafe finally speaks again. (Thank God…)

“You could…” Rafe feels his hands get tingly, shaking the one at his side jerkily as the other tries to hold your phone steady. Briefly, you see his eyes glance towards the corner of the room where your guitars rest. “Um… would you, shit— will you play one of them for me?”

It takes two whole seconds for your brain to go where his has already landed, freezing when you reach the same destination. 

Only Rafe. 

Was this sweet, too perfect for your cruel world, brilliant boy really asking you to play one of these songs out loud for him? 

Rafe’s gaze on you only intensifies as it turns to panic when you don’t say anything, feeling like an idiot for even saying something, wanting to shove the words back. 

“Y/N/N, you don’t have to— its—”

He doesn’t realize you’ve had your mind made up the second the words left his lips. 

“No!” You nearly yell, your voice entirely too squeaky for your liking as you try to clear your throat. “No, I…. I will. I want to. I just have never really played so… intimately (you cringe—WHY is that first word that comes to mind) in front of another person before…”

The next words fall out of both of your mouths simultaneously. 

“But if I did, I’d want it to be for you—”

“I don’t want to ever make you do something you’re not comfortable with—”

Rafe hears your words loud and clear, like you do his. They wash over him with more purpose, that stupid fucking grin breaking out over his face at record speed. 

Thank god indeed because all that he’s really thinking is please please please god I beg you of you, baby girl—please let me hear these words that you so strongly associated with me; already doing his best to make a mental note of some of these song titles so he can go home and pick them apart with a fine tooth comb. Who the hell is he? Studying Taylor Swift lyrics to feed his growing ego that you actually feel for him. He barely recognizes himself anymore yet feels the most comfortable he’s ever felt. He’s thrown hard out of his thoughts when he reads the next song title that his thumb just hovered over, heart literally doing actual somersaults as his mind goes fuzzy when he finally registers the words “King Of My Heart.”

“I’m always comfortable when I’m with you…Plus…”

Rafe doesn’t move an inch as you step forward, slowly closing the gap between you two until you’re only an inch or two away from him. 

“I’d do anything to make you smile…” 

Your words make the breath catch in his throat, his eyes only getting a glimpse of the wink you throw at him before pressing your lips to his as he sighs deeply, feeling that sweet release now that he feels you against him. 

Your touch is much too short as your lips pull back, a trade off he’s more than willing to take knowing what was coming next. 

With a final squeeze of his hand, the next few moments bleed together so quickly, they certainly don’t seem real. 

Rafe’s surprised to see you pick up the electric guitar as opposed to the acoustic, quickly plugging a few things in before sitting down on the floor cross legged before him. 

His mind wanders back to the beginning of summer, that fateful day when he’d come home from work to hear the not so faint sounds of you and his sisters singing what he’d only assumed at the time was a Taylor Swift song. The emotions he remembers from eavesdropping outside of Sarah’s bedroom door, (pretty creepily, he might add) that day flood back to him, shivers actually rising on his flesh when he thinks back to your voice. 

There’s only a foot or two of space between the two of you. With the guitar still resting in your lap, you lean forward, Rafe’s arms already reaching up to support you as you speak into the side of his face, pressing a stray kiss or two to his cheek in between words. 

“Remember that day we were driving and you first brought up the shopping thing and I told you that you were kind of a dream come true?”

Rafe shakes his head knowingly as he feels your lips press closer to his jawline.

“I added this song that night…”

Wildest Dreams do in fact come true as Rafe Cameron watches all of his come to life before him the second you open your mouth, music and sound filling the air as he clings to your every word, unsure if he’ll ever be worthy of this feeling. 

He said, “Let’s get out of this town Drive out of the city, away from the crowds” I thought heaven can’t help me now Nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down

He’s so tall and handsome as hell He’s so bad but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins My one condition is

Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress Staring at the sunset, babe Red lips and rosy cheeks Say you’ll see me again Even if it’s just in your wildest dreams

I said, “No one has to know what we do” His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room And his voice is a familiar sound Nothing lasts forever but this is getting good now

He’s so tall and handsome as hell He’s so bad but he does it so well And when we’ve had our very last kiss My last request it is

You’ll see me in hindsight Tangled up with you all night Burnin’ it down Someday when you leave me I bet these memories Follow you around You’ll see me in hindsight Tangled up with you all night Burnin’ it down Someday when you leave me I bet these memories Follow you around...

The second Rafe gets into his truck after leaving your house later that evening, Taylor Alison Swift (as you formally corrected him an hour or so ago) is blasting through his speakers, having already had the song queued the moment he was walking out the door. 

His mind can’t move past the moments you just shared and the walls you crashed down to do so. Matching the song he knew he had to play first, he feels like a King. 

When he pulls into the driveway of Tanneyhill, he just shifts the truck into park, making no move of turning it off as he sits contently while rummaging through all of the songs he can remember on his phone. 

He can’t remember a single time in his life he’s felt this giddy. 

That dissipates quickly when that one song title appears on the screen again, almost tormenting him. 

It was the last song on your playlist. And while that shouldn’t have been cause for alarm, it literally throws Rafe into another galaxy as he stares down at it. 

He can’t deny the horrific feeling rising up in him, threatening to take over and manipulate every positive thought and memory of the last few hours. 

He shouldn’t feel this uneasy at a god damn song title. Yet here he sits, hands trembling as he reads the words over and over again, burning them into his brain. 

What could they mean? Why would she add this song to the playlist? 

And then the horrifying last thought: Why did this make her think of me? 

He can’t live with the scenarios playing out in his head, catering to every insecurity he’s ever had in regard to you, feeling as though you’re already slipping away from him even though his lips were literally pressed tightly to yours —hands kneading into your flesh— not even twenty minutes ago. 

Not ready for the answers this song will give him, (or perhaps just not ready to face them) Rafe refuses to hit play, instead trying with everything in his soul to forget it, to push it away — knowing damn well that’s not an option. 

He knows, in his soul, deep down this never before played song he all but refuses to come to terms with is going to slowly eat him alive.  

Notes: This entire thing was SO self indulgent! The idea was that Y/N was adding the lyrics to the notes app in her phone each time she was adding a new song to the playlist. (and the reader was following along live time as I made the posts, my brain is truly psychotic, i know) The video shared is exactly how Y/N sings Wildest Dreams to Rafe. This was truly very fun to make come to life. ✨

...

Taglist: @lurkymurker @mackenzielovee @mor-bs @totallynotkaibiased @aaleksmorozova @onlygetaway @itsalexwin @tsnelf7 @starkeybae @kotzmagoatz @maybanks-cupcake @goldenjo @valentinearc @valeriiecameron

[jeontaehui]

nananananana (210331 VLIVE)

taehee bites back a grin as fans enter the live. “hello everyoneeee,” she greets softly, her cheekbones lifting into a soft smile. “i’m in the practice room once again.”

“i was just learning a dance actually, it’s my break right now so this’ll probably be short,” she mentions. “and then i turned on vlive without asking permission— well, i did ask permission after i... turned it on,” she giggles. “she’s gonna say yes anyways. no one can say no to me,” the comments section blows up after she sent a sly wink to the viewers. she knew her effect on them one way or another. 

mark lee i love you HELLO THE TITLE?? IS THIS A SPOILER???

lee donghyuck’s long hair i only entered the live but i feel like crying T—T why must she be so cute

taeyongbub taehee in the practice room is so attractive??? wth???

taehee tucks a few strands behind her ear asking, “did you guys have dinner already? have you guys eaten?”

mataechan what did taehee eat today?

hyuckschurros PIZZA !!!!

“aw, pizza? i’m craving now,” she shortly puts on a pout before a smile shows itself once again. “i haven’t eaten but i think i’ll have........ um,” taehee seems to think for a moment as she looks up the ceiling, trying to remember what jungwoo said she’d have at the dorms.

“i can’t remember,” she shrugs, proceeding to continue reading the comments.

jungwoo tehet are you going to dance again?

aussiechan TAEHEEEE !!! come home to australia :(

svtzen DREAM SPOILERS PLEASEE

“the dance that me and my teacher did today was to party favors by tinashe! i have to practice some more to get it right but i’m,” she stands up and dusts off her track pants, placing the phone on the floor in front of the mirror, “going to show you guys the part where i’m most confident in.”

she disappears as she goes to the side to play the music, and the strong beats of tinashe’s party favors fills the practice room. she adjusts her pants around her waist and runs a hand through her black hair, ruffling her bangs for a moment before getting into position.

she dances. no matter how hard-hitting the choreography is, taehee knew well how to control her own body, and gracefully yet powerfully sync her movements to the beats.

taehee marry me she’s so hot what the heck do i do

markcity i’m single for this reason only

fullsunnn THIS IS WHY WE NEED A TAEHEE SOLO ASAP !!!

from the corner of her eye, taehee sees her dance instructor imitate the part where she got the dance wrong during their practice, causing her to lose focus and burst into laughter.

ncityinthehouse everyone, the duality of miss jeon taehee

“unnie is laughing at me right now!” taehee giggles. her eyes glance to the side then back to the screen. “yes so, until there did i memorize the dance. i’ll try to post on instagram the full version of it. oh!” she claps her hands excitedly, a habit nctzens took note of before she says an idea.

“since it’s a wednesday today and! the end of the month, you guys can comment whatever you guys want me to do or any question you want to ask and i’ll answer them.”

“i’m going to scroll with my eyes closed and whatever my finger lands on will be picked,” she cutely asks if the viewers got it before briefly explaining what she just said in english.

“i’ll give you guys maybe 30 seconds? is 30 seconds enough? okay, ready and start!”

taehee bobbed her head as she counted the numbers in her head. “30! okay, i’ll close my eyes now.”

juhfahm skincare routine?

merrymark give us a phone tour :D

twiceyeon please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung !!!! <3

“from twiceyeon,” taehee reads, putting her emcee mode on. “please watch switch to me by dahyun and chaeyoung! ohh i think i’ve seen this on my recommended but i haven’t had the time to watch it— sorry, chaeyoung-ah,” she winces.

you can hear keys being tapped on taehee’s phone screen as she typed the title on youtube’s search bar. the music video appears a few seconds later and she immediately clicks on it.

“oooo dahyun-ssi is very pretty,” taehee says. her expression quickly changes when she sees the twice member use her foot as she played the piano, her hand going up to cover the giggles that escaped out of her. “this is so cool,” she beamed.

“oh sexy!” taehee exclaims after chaeyoung appeared. “i really like chaengie’s short hair.”

she compliments the set when the scene changes, a summer pool vibe replacing the vintage set-up at the intro. “the dance is cute too,” she mumbles.

she smiles at chaeyoung and dahyun’s playfulness in the music video before moving on to compliment her best friend again. “chaeyoung is seriously so pretty... whaaat!”

taehee continues to watch the rest of the video as she moves to the beat, occasionally letting out a chuckle or two at the adorableness of the duo.

“hold on,” she grabs her earphones and plugs them into her phone. “(it’s) to avoid copyright,” she smirks.

taehee finishes the music video with a grin on her face, “the music video was very cute! did they perform this on stage? i think the stage set and the fits would’ve been pretty.”

“speaking of music videos, baekhyun hyung’s new album just dropped yesterday! have you guys watched the music video?” taehee shuffles closer to the camera to read the comments. almost everyone was saying that they did, in fact, watch the music video and really enjoyed it.

“i never said this directly to him but i really am a fan of his, seriously,” she dictates. taehee breaks into a grin as she giggles again, the viewers watching how her eyes twinkled while she talked. “‘bambi’ is really great— it’s immaculate. you guys should stream the whole album and recommend it to your family and friends. baekhyunie hyung never fails to deliver (good songs).”

bbhubblegum taehee promoting baekhyun and other artists better than sm pt. 74628392

going on her phone, she mumbles, “and i really like the choreography of his songs.” there was an adorable pout to her lips as she spoke, much to the amusement of the viewers.

then she looks up from the device in her hands and her eyes hold a certain glint in them before she playfully squints. “just be quiet about this though. i am never gonna hear the end of this from him,” she shakes her head with an amused chuckle, recalling all the times baekhyun teased her and the ‘admiration’ she has for him.

“you’re my only bambi bambi,” taehee sang effortlessly. “it’s a perfect night for you,” her tone was a little softer this time.

“okay so that was our first request? dare? of the live, let’s get to the next one right away!”

taeheeroar do you listen to the neighborhood?

wooyoungification do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?

“the next one is.... wooyoungification! ooo wooyoung-ah hello,” taehee says, prolonging the last syllable of her sentence. “they asked, “do you want to collab with anyone? if so, who?”

“well,” she clears her throat, furrowing her eyebrows as if she were in thought. “there are a lot of great artists out there. taylor swift is already my answer by default but,” she giggles again, “if i have to think of people outside sm, i think it’d be nice to have a collab with stray kids’ 3racha. they’re their producing unit if i’m not mistaken. it’d be fun to work with them.”

“i also had this dream of having a collaboration stage with the other dancers outside nct, like blackpink’s lisa or seulgi unnie. would you guys want that?”

midzyseason this isnt good for my gay ass

reveluvbar can taehee just take over sm

taehee hums, “i think i never mentioned it before but i wanna try doing drama ost’s too. i don’t watch as much dramas as i do before, but when i was still learning korean, they helped me so much.”

“i watched ‘guardian: the lonely and great god’ a lot and i really liked ‘stay with me’. hopefully, i can collab with punch too.”

taehee unconsciously moves her lips to the side, forming another pout and thinks again. “from sm, i think kai hyung? not counting superm, okay?” she beams.

“kai hyung and,” then a snort escapes taehee before she could even stop it, “baekhyun hyung.”

she puts a hand to her chest once she recovers from her mini-giggling fit before holding it up and swearing it was the truth. “these two were the ones that came to the top of my head, seriously.”

beansprout lolll remember when kai used to “complain” about taehee ever only talking about sehun cause he was the one she was closest to in exo when they first met ?

sodangerous it’s so touching how taehee looked up to exo while she was still a trainee and now they’re like family

taehee nods and bites her bottom lip, asking herself, “why do i feel like a youtuber?”

she smiles to someone off screen and quickly glances back to the camera, “next question!”

asteroidsung what did you get for renjun’s birthday?

“what did i get for renjun’s birthday? i just gave mine literally yesterday. i know it’s summer but i gave him a hoodie that i thought would look cute on him,” she smiles. “it was pink.”

“i was with haechanie when i bought it.”

chenlezoned hyuck said he’s gonna marry daegal next month

“hyuck’s gonna marry who now?!” taehee exclaims, “DAEGAL’S A MINOR!!!”

dreamtopia BYEEEEEEE

themissingpuzzlepiece everyone at haechan marrying daegal:❓❓meanwhile taehee: 🌋🌋⁉️

boohoohyuck sending my prayers to lee haechan

just then, taehee’s phone suddenly rings and her eyes widen at the caller id displayed on the screen. “wow, this dude’s timing is really! spot-on.”

she puts the speaker on, “donghyuck-ah, what’s this i’m hearing that you’re marrying daegal?? are you leaving me and chubs already?! oh and you’re on speaker.”

fullseun don’t you just cry on the inside when markhee calls hyuck by his real name or fullsun

you hear haechan’s boisterous laughter first before he could answer taehee’s question. “i talked about that on vlive,” he said, “where are you?”

“i’m doing vlive.”

“but it’s almost midnight.”

when taehee makes no move to answer, haechan goes, “are you in the practice room again?”

“so?” taehee answers sassily, causing the boy on the other end of the line to groan.

“noona, we talked about this already,” haechan whines. “then we can talk about it again later!” taehee shrugs exasperatedly. “noona....” the former warns, as if he was scolding a child. “i’m just on a break,” she gives in, “i’ll go home soon.”

“promise?” taehee rolls her eyes, though it was clear that she was grateful for haechan’s concern by the soft smile she held on her face. “i promise.”

taehyuckles i know i wished for a taehyuck live but this will suffice Gosh they are so cute !!!!!!

“you haven’t said hello to czennie,” taehee reminds him. “czennie, hello!!” he greets sweetly.

“anyways, i just called you because you agreed to playing a few rounds with me but i’ll just wait for you until you get home,” taehee winces at his statement. she might have forgotten. “oh right, i’m sorry. just a few more minutes?” haechan hums affirmatively from the other end.

“get home safely, noonaaa,” after they exchanged their goodbyes, taehee hangs up the call.

“yes, okay! everyone that was lee haechan on the phone with me and i think i can do,” she turns her back to look at the wall clock in the practice room, “three more comments.”

yangqied taehee’s an idol in the day, pro-gamer by night

“okay, so our next question is: are you friends with aespa? yes! i am friends with aespa,” she beamed.

“i actually saw them the day before their debut stage. my time slot in the practice room was after theirs and so we met there,” taehee recalls. “they’re very pretty! and they look cool when they danced to ‘black mamba’. i wished them luck on their debut stage,” she chuckles.

taehee closes her eyes and proceeds to swipe at the screen, “next question is... oh! i dare you to post on instagram. okay, let me find some photos and show you guys so we can all vote.”

“i’ll send them on bubble but i’ll show it here too in case you guys don’t have a subscription. that’s okay.”

markerlee tb to when taehee sent her pcs to bubble... she really said fuck capitalism !!!!

“okay, option 1: this one,” she brings her phone up to the screen, showing a picture of her with the bird filter on mac.

jisungbye I LIKE THIS ONEEE

kunniekunkun this one’s cute!!!

moloism markhee pls post ur photos with the mac filters im begging you

“orrrr this one,” she faces her phone towards the camera once more. she was sitting on the pavement with the view of the orange-pink sunset behind her, a mask concealing half of her face.

the127thsense everything just screams girlfriend material to me

deryqueen taehee, i am free this friday. i repeat, i am free this friday.

solhyuck i think you should post these as a set on instagram!

“what should i post on instagram? everyone choose between 1 or 2!” taehee tells them in korean, before switching to english. “you guys pick between the first one and the second one, and i’ll post it on instagram.”

oncezenni 2

flamboyanthyuck the second one!

ohmajesus i like the first one

iamjeno second pleaseee

“mm okay, most of you are voting for the second one so i’ll be posting that first thing tomorrow! and then i’ll just send the other one on bubble,” taehee puts her pinky finger up as she speaks, making a promise to the viewers.

“how many was that? two already?” a pout subtly makes its way on taehee’s lips and a few of her hair strands fell in front of her face, causing her to push them back as she huffed. nctzens found it adorable!

takeoffbesttrack can i kiss you.

“can you kiss me?” taehee presses her lips on the tips of her fingers before lightly tapping them on the screen. “i,” one of the corners of her mouth raises to a smirk, “kissed you.”

mahaecries GODDDD

tenvely you will be the death of me

deryqueen AGAIN TAEHEE I AM FREE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT !!!!!!!!!!

taehee giggles after seeing the comment section blow up and her dimples peek out from her cheeks.

“i’m gonna have to end this soon, guys. this is the last one, okay?”

haecity can you go live with markhyuck?

snoopyscoop do you have any more funny stories with jungwoo?

taromilktea did you see sungchan when he debuted as an emcee?

“did i go see sungchan when he debuted as emcee? nooo,” she frowns, “but i did call him on facetime.”

“he said he was nervous but i told him he’d do great! and he did, right?” taehee’s frown was quickly turned into a proud grin. “i watched a replay of it on youtube the day after. he was very cute.”

“i told him to just think of it like he was talking to us so he’s more comfortable, and he told me it helped a lot so i’m relieved,” she nods. “i sent him churros too!”

taehee shuffles closer to the camera and brings her knees close to her chest while she talks, “please support him! i know sungchanie’s glad to have received this opportunity that’s why he’s been practicing diligently.”

taehee reads a few more comments and smiles at the funny ones. the humor of nctzens never fail to make her smile. the memes they send during menpas are so hilarious that she can’t help but reply to most of them.

taeheespresident i guess she’s gonna end the live now? :(

jungwootehet it’s nearing 1 am and i still have school tomorrow...... whoops!

“i’ll have to go now guys, it was nice doing all this with you,” taehee softly mumbles.

“i like this idea of having you guys comment what you would want me to do ‘cause i’m able to connect with you guys more, i’ll try to do a live again soon.”

“the weather’s nice here in korea— well at least for me,” she chuckles, “it rained recently but it might be hot? in other places so please remember to stay hydrated and drink lots of water.”

“also wear your masks and keep social distancing! we’re not only trying to protect ourselves but we have to stop the spreading of it all so,” taehee gives another small smile at the camera as she reminds the people to be careful, “stay safe.”

after a few beats of silence, taehee speaks again. “okay so, until here is taehee’s nananananana live!” she sings while doing the infamous choreo of ‘go’.

empathy127 I KNEW IT WAS FROM GO !!!!

“good night! or good morning to those who are starting their day right now,” she adds, “goodnight! we’ll see you guys soon.”

taehee does her infamous ily hand gesture and winks at the camera before waving bye and ending the livestream.

[phoebe-delia]

Hello, Phoebe. I’m back :)

How are you doing? Just put whatever you feel like here! This ask is the Phoebe Show; make it yours!

Lyssa, it is always a pleasure to see you in my notifs, but especially in my ask box! Thank you for filling it with kind words, awesome prompts, and fun questions for me to play around with.

This blog is the closest I imagine I'll ever come to having the Phoebe Delia Show, and since you have given me free rein with this ask, I shall endeavor to make it count.

I've gotten some incredible asks about my interests, but I'm going to answer a question that has been asked by exactly no one and rank Taylor Swift's albums.

This will be in order of my favorites; this isn't necessarily a reflection of what I think the rank would be in terms of objective quality; instead, this is based on my own personal enjoyment of the albums.

As always, I will provide a little explanation as to my reasoning, because I am nothing if not indulgent.

I actually really surprised myself with this ranking; as I looked through the albums I evaluated each by counting the number of songs I liked off of each one, and the ranking I thought I had has now changed. (I will explain in my comments!).

So! With that said. The Phoebe Delia Show Presents: Ranking Taylor Swift Albums.

1. Speak Now--To me, there is only one skip on this entire album; it is bop after bop. (If you're wondering, I think "Innocent" is the skip). Every song is just fun! I should also point out that this is also my favorite in part because Taylor said it was inspired by theater/Broadway.

2. 1989--I'm gonna be honest and say that I'm ashamed to have sort of slept on this album for so long. Don't get me wrong--I listened to and enjoyed it a lot when it came out, but I always sort of automatically pushed it further down on my list in favor of my 3rd choice because I liked the songs on my 3rd choice more. But now that I'm older and my music taste has somewhat evolved, I think I can say that 1989 is my 2nd favorite. There are truly no skips on this album. Yes, I know I said SN has a skip, but that album holds a special place in my heart so it gets number 1. I was thinking it over today, and while Taylor has always been amazing, I think this is the album that launched her into superstardom. We, her fans, knew she could do anything, but she still shocked us all by making the transition to an entirely pop album. Remember the "Blank Space" and "Bad Blood" music videos? I still think those are two fo my favorite of her mvs, though LWYMMD is a close second.

3. Red--Oh, my beloved. This album is wonderful. I have a lot of memories associated with this one, particularly watching the WANGBT music video and the IKYWT parody with the fucking goat that makes me laugh so hard even to this day. I am SO pumped for TV in November!! And while, yes, "All Too Well" is my favorite song on the album (and my fave TS song overall), "Holy Ground" is slept on and amazing.

4. folklore--This album is probably the most meaningful to me of them all just because of when it came out. We as an entire global community were struggling, and I know I had immense privilege to have been healthy and safe during that time. Still, like everyone else, I was depressed, lonely, and felt trapped inside my home and inside my mind. I will never forget listening to this album in my room and gasping when I heard TIMT. Not long after this album came out, I also lost my family dog, and this album was essential in helping me grieve. This album saved my sanity and gave me a cathartic outlet. I will be forever grateful to Taylor for writing it.

5. Reputation--This is another one for which I have a lot of memories. I will never forget when the LWYMMD music video came out and the world lost its entire mind. Taylor said there are still easter eggs we missed and I want someone to find them please and thank you. There are a few songs on this album that I'm not obsessed with, but the storytelling is so cohesive and creative. On the surface, one might think Taylor was being petty or whiny, but if you look closer--and remember the utter hell she was going through at the time--I think there are deeper meanings than her just getting back at Kim and Kanye.

6. Fearless--Oh, this album. It has some of her most iconic songs: YBWM, "White Horse," "Love Story"," "Forever and Always," etc. I truly wish I could tie this one with Rep, but I think Rep edges this one out *just* barely with songwriting/lyrical quality. I also don't know if I'll ever fully get over the fact that she kept "Mr. Perfectly Fine" from us for so long, but I suppose I can consider the 10 min "All Too Well" on Red TV to be proper repayment. ;)

7. evermore--I could not believe my eyes when she announced this album. How can this woman write this fast and this well!! I will never forget listening to "champagne problems," "no body, no crime," and "tolerate it" in particular. I ranked this after reputation just bc I think I enjoy listening to Rep more, but some of the songwriting on this album is *chefs kiss.*

8. Lover--I know, I know, I'm sorry. I don't want to put this one so low on the list but I just kind of can't put it any higher? I really love some of the songs on this album, but SYGB is too sad for me, "London Boy" kinda annoys me I'm sorry, and I just never really got into INTHAF or "Afterglow." But, that said, every other song on the album is a bop, even ME!, although I listen to the live version over the studio recording. It's a great album though.

9. Taylor Swift (Debut album)--I feel a little bad ranking this so low but I cannot honestly tell you that this album is better than her others, and something has to be last on the list. There are also some great, classic songs on this album. So, instead of being critical, I'm instead going to say that I remember vividly seeing a snippet of "Teardrops On My Guitar" advertised on Disney Channel for Radio Disney. It makes me smile to think of how far she's come since then.

And that concludes this episode of The Phoebe Delia Show! Tune in next time where I post some other self-indulgent opinion about one of my interests and hope it reaches people who care to read it :)

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

[surveysonfleek]

1581.

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? yes, i have! its one of my favourite cities

What did you have for breakfast this morning? i had scrambled eggs and hash browns

Do you have any loose change in your pocket? no pockets and i hardly ever leave things in my pockets

Do you like Taylor Swift? i dont mind her, she has some catchy songs

What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? camp rock haha

If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? id try to stay calm, id probably be super nervous just being in their presence though

Are there any lights on in the room you’re in? nope, its day time

What’s your favorite subject in school? it was visual arts

What’s your favorite holiday? christmas, it always means ill have a week or two off work!

Do you ever have to do yard work? nope

Is your school close to your house? ive been out of school for a longggg time but it was a 5-10 min drive

Speaking of school, how did you get there today? -

Do you think Bad Romance is a catchy song, or an annoying one? its a good song! i dont love it but im not surprised at how massive it got

Do you use perfect grammar online? honestly, in my previous surveys i would but now i cant be bothered. i use perfect grammar day to day when working so i just sorta wna chill and not focus too much when i do these now

Are you currently using a laptop? yes

Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? most likely, i used to love downloading them back in the limewire days

Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? i loooooved britney when she first blew up. and i still do! i dont listen to her stuff too heavily anymore but i still love it

Is it a windy day? nope

In the past week, have you ridden in a taxi? no

What shorthand do you use the most? if were talking about typing, i still text/chat people with ‘u’ instead of ‘you’

Do you ever wish on stars at night? no, ive never seen a shooting star

What color are your eyes? brown

What album is the current song you’re listening to off of? not listening to music, i have the tv on while doing this

What are you doing after you finish this? not sure, maybe another survey

In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? i havent listened to the radio in forever

Are you in a band? no

How clean is your bedroom? pretty clean!

Is there a pen within reaching distance of you? no

Are you sitting at a desk? no, im in bed lol

Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? male

Do you normally shut your bedroom door before you go to sleep? of course ol

Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? i feel lik ei have once but i do not remember anything about it 

Would you ever dye your hair a different color? yes

Are there any framed pictures in the room you’re in? yes

Have you ever been to a Broadway show? not in broadway... ive seen the musicals lion king and aladdin in my city though

Do you watch So You Think You Can Dance? i did when it first came out

What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? none really stand out to me

Do you prefer group or individual work? individual, id rather just count on myself

Do you have a key to anything besides your house? car

Are you wearing anything with stripes? nope

What time did you go to sleep last night? i think 1am

Did anyone tell you you were beautiful today? no

What show did you last watch? american horror story

Do you think you’ll do anymore surveys today? maybe one more

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? run and raisin

When was the last time you stayed home from school sick? years ago when i actually attended school lol

Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? i probably could, i just wouldnt have the patience

If you could run a red light and not get caught, would you? nah. id rather not risk mine or others’ lives

Do you like to listen to music as you do your homework? i dont have homework

Did you think Adam Lambert’s AMA performance was really that controversial? i dont recall, this survey is probably really old

Do any bands flat-out annoy you? nah, i just dont listen to them

Do you have a mirror in your bedroom? yes

Was today a birthday for any of your friends? yes actually! ill need to greet him

When was the last time you rode in a limo? never been in one :(

Do you take naps daily? no. i wish!

Do you still make Christmas lists? yes haha

Do you watch the show Dexter? i did. apparently theyre rebooting it which is exciting! the ending was pretty trash

What’s the background on your phone? its a dark cityscape of nyc

When were/will you be a a sophomore in high school? -

Are you scared of any animals? cockroaches. also i live in australia so while im not afraid of snakes and spiders, im pretty mindful of them

Have you ever been to any sort of convention? yup! ive been to sexpo and a wedding expo lol

Which song did you last listen to on repeat? probably a kehlani song

Where do you want to live when you grow up? around here still

Are you currently using a blanket? yep

Are there any songs that make you cry? not really

How many siblings do you have? one

What are you doing this weekend? its saturday today. im doing nothing. tomorrow im going on a picnic with friends

Do you prefer swimming at the beach or in a pool? pool, its so much more comfortable than a beach lol

When was the last time you had a haircut? hmm... maybe june?

Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? a harp!

Are you in band or chorus at your school? no

Do you know what you want for Christmas? nope. i dont ‘need’ anything.

Do you watch fireworks on New Year’s Eve? most of the time!

Is your birthday within the next three months? no

How long is the song you’re listening to? not listening to music

Are you anticipating anything this week? yeah, kinda waiting to see if were going ahead with buying some land

Is your mom or dad the older parent? my dad

Have you taken the SATs yet? -

Do you watch anything on E? i dont have e

Are you going to get off the computer now that you’ve finished this? nah maybe one more survey lol

[therockerfromspace]

What the hell is going on with the Grammys - a massive master post.

 Buckle up; this is a mess.

So as we all know, Grammy nominations came out on Tuesday. And... whew there’s a lot to unpack. So this master post is (hopefully) going to explain all the different strands of this. 

A disclaimer before we start: this is in no way bashing the artists who have been nominated. I am sure they all work immensely hard and although they submit themselves, most of them have 0 say in the nominations process. For the love of God - we’re not going after any individual artist. 

(also, just for clarity and conciseness: this post is going to focus on the “Big 4″ in terms of nominations - Best New Artist, Record of the Year, Song of The Year and Album of the Year). 

So - Best New Artist. As a category I’m happy with all the nominees - the criteria is weird as hell though (basically you can just keep submitting yourself up to 3 times? and it doesn’t matter how far into your career you are? ok I guess). I’d love for Phoebe Bridgers or Megan Thee Stallion to take it personally, but I’m happy with all the nominees. It’d be nice to see Blackpink get an acknowledgement but they could end up getting nominated next year because of eligibility dates. So yeah, no major issues with Best New Artist. 

Just to clarify before we move on - Wikipedia has better definition of the difference between SOTY and ROTY so I’m just going to paste it here:

Record of the Year is awarded for a single or for one track from an album. This award goes to the performing artist, the producer, recording engineer and/or mixer for that song. In this sense, "record" means a particular recorded song, not its composition or an album of songs.

Song of the Year is also awarded for a single or individual track, but the recipient of this award is the songwriter who actually wrote the lyrics and/or melodies to the song. "Song" in this context means the song as composed, not its recording

ROTY: Record of the year ... it’s very safe. Rockstar, Say So, Everything I Wanted, Don’t Start Now, Circles and Savage were all expected. The Black Pumas song is an outlier but normally there’s a couple of smaller songs on the nominees list so not a complete surprise. Black Parade is also a bit of a turnup - it’s a great song and obviously had some momentum this summer but wasn’t huge . I was surprised not to see The Weeknd in this category (more on that later); would have nice to see BTS on the list but again, not shocking. 

SOTY: A mix? I guess? Most of it is overlap from ROTY - but there’s a few different songs in the way of Cardigan, I Can’t Breathe and If The World Was Ending. Personally, I’m really happy that Cardigan and I Can’t Breathe are in there - my personal favorite would be I Can’t Breathe Winning. “If The World Was Ending” ... was there I guess? So congratulations. 

AOTY: Oh boy. AOTY is a mix. So the less surprising inclusions: Folklore and Future Nostalgia. I do genuinely believe it’s a tossup between those two now as to who wins AOTY - I’m going to give the edge to Taylor right now because she’s won it before for Fearless and 1989 but I’m not sure the Recording Academy would give it to her 1 in 4 years ish consistently. Then again, Taylor is a Grammys darling and 2nd highest Metacritic score of the nominations, so it wouldn’t shock me. I’m shocked HAIM are nominated in the best possible way (it’s my personal AOTY), but the rest ... I’m stunned by. Djesse Vol 3 is also great but I don’t think it has a shot; Chilombo was good but not brilliant, Black Pumas got in with a deluxe version (yes it’s a good album, but it’s going to be close to 2 years old by the time the Grammys roll round), I’m not a massive fan of Hollywood’s Bleeding but Post Malone’s commercial impact can’t be denied. Coldplay is the one I find most bizarre - it wasn’t a particularly good album nor did it stick around commercially. So yeah - it would nice for HAIM to take it (I think they have a shot of pulling a “Golden Hour” and taking it home) but I’d be shocked if it didn’t go to Taylor.

So. Yes, there were some snubs - I thought Harry Styles would get a SOTY nomination, I was also expecting BTS to sneak into a couple of categories; Phoebe deserved an AOTY nomination and Rina Sawayama deserved some recognition. However. 

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE WEEKND?

The Weeknd not getting a single nomination. How? No matter which way you look at it, Blinding Lights, should be up for ROTY or at least in the Pop categories. OK, so After Hours isn’t going to be one of the all time great albums, but you can’t look at that list and think “hmm, yes; they’re all objectively better than After Hours.” Because they’re not. That’s a fact. The Weeknd has spoken out against the Grammys in the past (which I’ll come to in a minute), but the truth of the matter is is that the Grammys are institutionally biased. Let’s roll back to 2015. In 2016, the nominees for AOTY were 1989, Beauty Behind The Madness, Sound & Color, To Pimp a Butterfly and Traveler. Thinking about this in terms of critical success, the Grammy should have gone to Kendrick for “To Pimp A Butterfly”. It went to 1989. Ok, so 1989 is a great album! and commercially, was the biggest selling album that year. So from, that (and the following year, where 25 won over Lemonade) we could deduce that the Grammy focuses on the album that’s made the most commercial impact. HOWEVER: if we carry this logic into 2021, none of the nominees make any sense. Surely if they did, then only Folklore and Future Nostalgia would be on their. No matter how you look at it, After Hours straddled the line of being inescapable for a year and of getting great reviews. It should have been nominated for AOTY and that’s the bottom line of it. 

So why wasn’t it?

Probably The Weeknd criticizing the Grammys previously didn’t help. But according to that bastion of news, TMZ, he was given the choice between performing at the Grammys or at Superbowl. The Weeknd negotiated, and agreed to do both. He was announced to be performing at the Superbowl on 12th November (link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-54921206) . Grammy noms come out on the 24th, TMZ reports he was given the choice between Superbowl and Grammys about 8 hours after the nominations (https://www.tmz.com/2020/11/24/the-weeknd-ultimatum-grammys-super-bowl-performance-snub/) . Then, The Weeknd tweets this maybe an hour later (https://twitter.com/theweeknd/status/1331394452447870977). To add insult to injury, he went from being in “negotiations to perform” to no nominations. Now that’s a kick in the teeth.

A day later, the president of the Grammys, Harvey Mason Jr. does an interview with Variety (https://variety.com/2020/music/news/grammy-harvey-mason-weeknd-snub-show-1234839208/). Gives a load of non-answers as expected. But he does talk about the Grammy committee. 

We don’t know much about how the Grammy voting process works. If you’re a member, you listen to the songs in the categories and then vote. BUT THEN. The top 20 songs/albums go to the committee. There’s 20 people on the committee - some with direct links to labels and artists. So they could hypothetically pick songs ranked 15-20 and nominate then. Which is why I think The Weeknd was majorly snubbed. I think The Weeknd got into the top 20 in all the categories he was nominated in and the committee overruled. That’s my theory anyway. The Grammys have been problematic for years - but since I’ve been following then from 2015ish - they’ve been accused racism (lack of BAME winners), sexism (remember the “well women should make better music” comments in 2018 https://variety.com/2018/music/news/grammys-so-male-women-recording-academy-president-neil-portnow-1202679902/) and then the mysterious ousting of Deborah Dugan at the start of last year (https://www.vox.com/2020/1/26/21082057/2020-grammys-sexual-harassment-corruption-recording-academy-deborah-dugan-rigged-nominations). 

When Deborah Dugan was fired, she alleged sexual misconduct and voter corruption in the academy. (If I can find a copy of the original PDF I will, https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/jan/22/suspended-grammys-chief-deborah-dugan-alleges-sexual-misconduct-in-recording-academy). But honestly the article speaks for itself. The grammys are corrupt, and not a true measure of artistic integrity. 

So, as much as I find them fascinating - let’s not give them any more weight then they deserve. If your fave has a nomination, great! If not, it doesn’t make them any less of an artist. 2020 has been a fabulous year for music, so let’s concentrate on that. 

It’s impossible to cover every aspect of the Grammys in one tumblr post, and well done if you’ve made it to the end. If anyone has any questions, I’ll try and answer them to the best I can. 

Thank you so much for reading! And Happy Thanksgiving, remember to donate to Native people today if you can - here’s a link to some places to donate https://twitter.com/MsKellyMHayes/status/1332000439378784261 !

[purplesurveys]

990

survey by starsareonly2nd

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? No. Doesn’t sound like my type of city. I wouldn’t mind visiting the rest of Nevada though.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? Just a cup of coffee; I skip breakfast except on Sundays, when we actually sit down at the dining table and eat as a family.

Do you have any loose change in your pocket? I don’t have any pockets right now but I do have very few coins in my wallet. I used to have plenty, but I’ve given most of them away because I usually give tips to the nice people who help me get out of parking spots.

Do you like Taylor Swift? I like some of her songs, especially the ones from 1989, but I have no idea why I just can’t get into her as a person.

What's your favorite Disney Channel movie? I haven’t tuned in to that channel for a very long time now, but the movies that I got the most excited about as a kid were Twitches, Wendy Wu, Camp Rock, The Cheetah Girls, and High School Musical 1 and 2.

If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? I’d be starstruck in a calm way; like I’d most likely be too shocked to get more than a few words out. I’m sure I’d come off as shy or boring haha, which is why I’ve refused to meet or interact with my favorite celebrities even if I’ve already had the chance to.

Are there any lights on in the room you're in? I have a ceiling light and a desk lamp, but both are turned off. My only light source at the moment is my laptop screen.

What's your favorite subject in school? History.

What's your favorite holiday? My birthday, if that counts. Christmas can also be great but only for the food, the reunions with extended family, and the freedom to guiltlessly cut off contact with colleagues for a couple of weeks. All other aspects of it make me miserable though.

Do you ever have to do yard work? I’ve never had to do that before.

Is your school close to your house? I mean, it wasn’t a 10-minute walk away but it’s relatively close and driving to my university objectively doesn’t take too long unless there’s heavy traffic. If there’s absolutely no barriers I could get to school in 15-20 minutes, but this is really only just for weekends where I have to go to school for some reason. If there’s traffic (and there always is), I take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half.

Speaking of school, how did you get there today? I haven’t been to my school since the first week of March, and I’ve already graduated since then.

Do you think Bad Romance is a catchy song, or an annoying one? I can honestly tell you that I have genuinely never gotten sick of that song. It’s a late 2000s classic, man. Of course it was too explicit for my 11 year old ears when it first came out, but I found it catchy nonetheless.

Do you use perfect grammar online? I always try to be correct, yes. When I use improper grammar it’s usually because I’m joking.

Are you currently using a laptop? Yup.

Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? I haven’t used iTunes in a while and Spotify, which I do use, doesn’t work that way.

Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? I’ve never skipped her singles whenever I caught them on the radio and I’ve always fairly enjoyed the music she puts out, but I normally don’t voluntarily listen to her i.e. look up her songs myself on Spotify.

Is it a windy day? It is now that it’s nighttime, but it was a little humid all day today.

In the past week, have you ridden in a taxi? No. I’m not actually sure if that’s even already allowed...the possibility of public transport is still pretty murky where I live.

What shorthand do you use the most? I have no idea what this means. I did try looking it up but I dunno if I’ve ever had to use shorthand at any point in my life.

Do you ever wish on stars at night? Every now and then, but it’s just the little kid in me.

What color are your eyes? Dark brown. I feel like I answer this at least once a week.

What album is the current song you're listening to off of? Not listening to music but the last song I heard is from an album called Petals For Armor.

What are you doing after you finish this? Try not to cry/break down. Find something to watch on YouTube. Maybe play with Cooper to destress and forget about my problems for a bit.

In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? Other than songs I occasionally put on repeat, I have not heard any new music for a while now.

Are you in a band? Nope, never been.

How clean is your bedroom? We just tidied it up and rearranged a few things last month so I’d say it’s clean - at least tidier than it used to be. And I’m a little proud that despite how rough life has been, I’ve managed to keep it clean. It’s the little things.

Is there a pen within reaching distance of you? Yeah, there’s one on my desk and I can easily reach out and grab it.

Are you sitting at a desk? I’ve moved to my bed for now. My back does not appreciate sitting at a desk all day.

Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Female.

Do you normally shut your bedroom door before you go to sleep? Yesssssssss. We have a light source by the stairs that extends to the hallway and reaches my room, so it gets super annoying if my door is even just slightly ajar because my eyes get distracted by the faint light. My door has to be completely shut for me to feel comfortable in the privacy of my room.

Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? I haven’t. I loooove Lady Marmalade, but I’m just not sure if the movie itself is my cup of tea.

Would you ever dye your hair a different color? I’d love to have the chance to do that, yeah.

Are there any framed pictures in the room you're in? There are a couple.

Have you ever been to a Broadway show? Nope.

Do you watch So You Think You Can Dance? I don’t think so but I do remember watching a few episodes of Dancing with the Stars because a wrestler that I liked was one of the contestants for one season. I’m just not sure of SYTYCD also featured wrestlers in their shows; if that has been the case in the past- and I’m just not sure because my memory is a little hazy - I would’ve given it a watch.

What's your favorite movie soundtrack? The Twilight Saga churned out some bomb ass soundtracks. Other than that, I also enjoyed Interstellar’s and Requiem for a Dream’s.

Do you prefer group or individual work? Depends on what kind of work needs to be done. If a task is graphic design or video editing-heavy, I would prefer to work with other people; but if it’s gonna be heavy on something that’s already my forte, I like to work by myself.

Do you have a key to anything besides your house? Just my car.

Are you wearing anything with stripes? Not at the moment.

What time did you go to sleep last night? 9:45 I think? A little later than 10? Somewhere along that range.

Did anyone tell you you were beautiful today? No.

What show did you last watch? Friends.

Do you think you'll do anymore surveys today? I doubt it. This one is already quite longer than the surveys I usually take.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream; and more recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

When was the last time you stayed home from school sick? Sometime in February last year. I developed a fever the night before but wasn’t able to start feeling better by the next morning, so I had to skip the one class I had that day.

Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? Yes. I’m actually planning to buy a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle; it’s one of the items I’ve put on my cart recently. Depressed Robyn is also spend-a-lot-of-money-on-artsy-craftsy-supplies-Robyn, so.

If you could run a red light and not get caught, would you? Hell no.

Do you like to listen to music as you do your homework? Not usually, but sometimes I’ll put on lo-fi since that’s the only kind of music I can listen to and still keep my focus.

Did you think Adam Lambert's AMA performance was really that controversial? I’ve never encountered it, but I doubt I’ll have a problem with it if I do get to watch the performance. I love Adam Lambert and I've never found myself shaking my head at whatever he’s doing.

Do any bands flat-out annoy you? They’re a boy band more than anything but The Vamps has consistently irritated me through the years.

Do you have a mirror in your bedroom? No. I used to, but I gave it to my sister.

Was today a birthday for any of your friends? I don’t think so. With all my social media being deactivated I never get notified about birthdays anymore, but I’m fairly sure none of my friends blow out their candles every October 22nd.

When was the last time you rode in a limo? I’ve never been in one.

Do you take naps daily? No. I can’t really do that anymore since I have an 8-hour shift on weekdays, lol.

Do you still make Christmas lists? No.

Do you watch the show Dexter? I tried getting into the show because it used to always be said in the same breath as Breaking Bad, but I never got invested. I heard later seasons sucked too, so that also turned me off from continuing to pursue the series.

What's the background on your phone? I have a motivational comic that says “You’re doing really well given the circumstances” as my lockscreen. Cooper smiling is my home screen.

When were/will you be a a sophomore in high school? That was six years ago.

Are you scared of any animals? Any flying insect or bug, and I find them scarier if they come with a loud buzz.

Have you ever been to any sort of convention? YouTube Fanfest, if that counts as one. I’m not really sure what counts as a convention haha, but that’s the closest thing I’ve got.

Which song did you last listen to on repeat? Why We Ever by Hayley Williams.

Where do you want to live when you grow up? I’ve stopped thinking about that for now. My focus has since shifted to asking myself if I’ll still even be alive in a few years...ugh, how far we’ve fallen.

Are you currently using a blanket? No. It’s not cold enough for a blanket yet, but maybe in a few hours.

Are there any songs that make you cry? A lot.

How many siblings do you have? Two.

What are you doing this weekend? I have no idea.

Do you prefer swimming at the beach or in a pool? BEEEEEEEEACH. Once I took my first dip in a beach, I never wanted to swim in a pool ever again.

When was the last time you had a haircut? March.

Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? Piano, saxophone, and violin. Can’t pick a favorite; I think they all sound beautiful.

Are you in band or chorus at your school? I was never in either.

Do you know what you want for Christmas? Yeah but they’re all intangible. I want to be happy, be at peace, normalcy, etc. I’ve stopped pining for presents, especially now that I can afford my own shit.

Do you watch fireworks on New Year's Eve? Always.

Is your birthday within the next three months? Nope. You’ll have to add three more months to that timeframe.

How long is the song you're listening to? No music.

Are you anticipating anything this week? I’m waiting for a couple of very specific emails to come in, and I hope they do before the week ends.

Is your mom or dad the older parent? My dad, but only by 8 months. They were born in the same year.

Have you taken the SATs yet? I never had to take them, but I heard they’re triiiiiiiicky.

Do you watch anything on E? We never had E! in our cable service but I like tuning into that channel whenever we stay at hotels because I get to watch KUWTK, hehe.

Are you going to get off the computer now that you've finished this? Most likely.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

My personal connection with Taylor’s discography, part five: Marjorie

Basically this is just a series I’m doing where I write down my feelings on what each of the Taylor songs means to me personally on a line to line basis both for my own sake to have it somewhere and for anyone who wants to know anything further about me. So with that in mind, let’s get started.

Marjorie

This song is a little weird for me because as a whole, it’s about losing the almost romanticised view I had of my family. Like most of the people I think of when it comes to this song are still very much alive, but our relationship reached a point where I will never speak to them again. But despite our relationship being like that now, much like most kids, I grew up thinking these people were near perfect and those memories don’t go away just because I’m not on good terms with them now. Because of that, this song has been a very bittersweet song for me and one of the harder Taylor songs to listen to.

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever

When I was younger, I was one of those kids who never wanted to see anyone hurt and would give up if it meant someone else was happy. And that cost me a lot of opportunities. And a remember each time I’d do it, my mother and paternal grandparents would sit me down and remind me that I am a female and that the world is harsh and doesn’t give us as a gender many chances, so I shouldn’t be throwing away chances like that, especially to people who were more likely to achieve those goals through different means. I particularly remember having one of these talks in the third grade when I asked the teacher to allow my competitor in a maths competition to have a second try when he got an answer wrong only for him to quickly declare victory when I messed up a question later. Let it be known that I will never again forget that 7x8 is 56 and that even if I still have issues with it, I do not need to make things harder for myself by giving a leg up to people who would keep me down given the chance.

Never be so clever, you forget to be kind

As much as I tried to be nice as a kid, I definitely grew up with some privileges and a bit of a god complex when it came to my academic skill. Cringily, up until like 9th grade I was that kid that gloated about their grades and was like “well if you just tried harder, you’d get these grades too!”. I was particularly like this with my sister given my parents spent our childhood pinning us against each other and that was the only “win” I could take, especially in terms of my mother. Except it really wasn’t because my mother was also someone who hated school and didn’t do well through no fault of her own. As a result, “You’re smart Jessica, but there’s always going to be someone smarter and nobody is going to care how good you are if you can’t be nice” was a common phrase I heard as a kid. Whether or not it’s true is yet to be seen given some of the biggest names in the world are assholes, but I’ve definitely come to a place where kindness will always outclass cleverness in my life.

And if I didn't know better, I'd think you were talking to me now

When I have a hard decision to make or I feel like I’m making the wrong choice, I still imagine these idealised versions of my family were still in my life and talk myself into what I think is the next right move. Is talking to yourself still counted as being crazy? Perhaps, but it works and is weirdly comforting given everything that’s happened.

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were still around. What died didn't stay dead. You're alive, you're alive in my head, so alive

Despite everything that happened, my anger towards it, and the way I’ve tried to put it out of mine, I still look back fondly on these memories with these people before they showed who they actually were.

Never be so polite, you forget your power

Like I said, as a kid I hated inconveniencing anyone. This meant I ate a bunch of food I hated, did activities I didn’t want to and even went out while sick because I didn’t want to ruin the day for anyone else. In particular, I remember getting a big stomach ache while on holiday at my paternal grandparents’ house but still trying to get ready and go out to the beach for the day. When he immediately realised something was wrong was told that I hadn’t said anything because I didn’t want to ruin the day, he sat me down and reminded me that it was my holiday too and that was my body so I could and should take control of that and say no sometimes, even if it is just because I don’t want to do something.

Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

For all their flaws, my mother’s side of the family did teach one one thing. I came from nothing, and even if someday I broke the poverty cycle, I was not above anyone else. A lot of conversations with that side of the family was about how oftentimes it was “higher class” people who refused to tip or use manners and felt above it all. Also, when I was a smartass about my grades and jobs I wanted to get, I was reminded that even if I had the best paying job in the world, I would still need the “lesser” workers in order for my life to run smoothly. While the words “class struggle” never came into play, these conversations very much helped to form a lot of my beliefs and remind me to stay humble.

And if I didn't know better, I'd think you were listening to me now

When someone dies, a lot of people believe they send signs from beyond the grave. Sometimes these happen in the form of seeing associated animals on a bad day, sometimes it’s a random thing coming to you and pushing in a certain direction when needing to make a choice. And there are days when it feels the same with my family even though most of them are still alive. 

But most of all, I think about this line in reference to my uncle who passed when I was 12 who always had mine and my mother’s backs. I remember driving home from my partner’s place during a depressive episode a few years back thinking about how my grandparents live in the same suburb and considering dropping past even though I had cut them off years before to have not only roadworks happen to be happening in a way to make me go past their street, but also their light being off implying they weren’t there. And despite not being a spiritual/religious person anymore, something about that felt very much like my uncle had heard me and was making it clear that his parents were out living their lives and I was making the right choice by doing the same.

The autumn chill that wakes me up. You loved the amber skies so much. Long limbs and frozen swims. You'd always go past where our feet could touch

This line screams my sister to me. The best thing about my sister and the thing that I will spend forever missing is how she got so excited about the little things in life. Doing her makeup or wearing nice clothes was exciting, listening to music was exciting, getting up early on special days to open gifts was exciting, hell even going to a concert for an artist she hated was exciting for her. She was also the biggest risk taker of the family. And given her auburn hair, the autumn/amber visuals just caps the whole thing off.

And I complained the whole way there; the car ride back and up the stairs

I was a whiny and impatient kid (who somehow turned into a more impatient adult, yikes). Looking back, I spent so many occasions with my family whining about little things or asking how long it’s going to take instead of just enjoying the moment. And ultimately, I think that’s one of my biggest regrets in life so far.

I should've asked you questions. I should've asked you how to be, asked you to write it down for me

Like most people, I really underestimated how much time I was going to have with my family and I took for granted the notion that there was always going to be a time that they’d be around to help and get advice from. So I never asked. And now I’m here, 25 and feeling incredibly unequipped for handling the world around me like I should and wishing I had taken those opportunities to ask for more advice. Likewise, while people make jokes that white people have no culture, I genuinely really feel like I don’t (and as a result struggle with my place in the world) because I didn’t bother asking about our history or the family members I never met or any of that and don’t have anything in my possession to give me that information.

Should've kept every grocery store receipt 'cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Kinda continuing from above, I hated taking photos and really didn’t keep much that my family gave me growing up. Like realistically when it comes to the extended family, I have a few really low quality photos, a piece of art my paternal grandfather gave me before moving to the UK because I loved it as a kid and my memories. And even with my sister and father, I have a single box of things my sister left behind and one Taylor Swift fan book and a necklace my father gave me. That’s it. 

I don’t have any family heirlooms, I don’t even think I have one picture of me with most the members of the family and I don’t even have the loving perception of them because that was taken from me in the fallout of the family. And despite everything that happened, that upsets me whenever I think about it.

Watched as you signed your name Marjorie. All your closets of backlogged dreams and how you left them all to me

To be honest, this line just reminds me of the women in my family and how much they sacrificed in order for me to get where I am today. Like both my grandmothers never finished school (with my maternal grandmother being unable to read) in order to get jobs to look after their families after both fathers abandoned them before marrying into abusive relationships. My mother quit her higher paying job to raise me and my siblings full time because my father had epilepsy and couldn’t. And my mother started working again in my teens in the form of cleaning the dirtiest of houses so I could go to Japan which was one of the happiest memories of my life. She also mentioned she wished I could have been a performer because she had always wanted to be. None of these women got to experience their dreams or even the lives they should have had all to make sure I had the best chance of living mine and again, no matter what happens, that will always be something I remember.

And if I didn't know better, I'd think you were singing to me now

Again, this line just screams my sister. Any time I hear one of her old favourite songs or a top ten hit I think she’d like, especially if it comes on shuffle or out in public, I think of her.

I know better, but I still feel you all around. I know better, but you're still around

Obviously I know these people are not talking to me. They’ve moved on with their lives and outside the moments where they feel the need to try PR the situation to keep me quiet, I imagine they don’t really think of me at all. Additionally, it’s hard to say that the idealistic versions of them I created in my head even existed to be around in the first place. And yet, I still feel their influence on me in my day to day life.

[diarrheaofthekeyboard]

Destroyed

10.4.2020

Day two of “The Crash” and there’s been no improvement as I start typing this. I went through this last year and it’s how I finally went to therapy (I originally wrote that as “ended up”. But that’s my inner failure dialog.) I can’t control my emotions. I’m hot all the time. And well, my ass hurts (I did go to the doctor and changed the cream I’m using. It hurts both more and less). 

I can’t get out from this feeling of impending existential doom. It’s not anyone’s fault and I’m doing everything I can not to take it out on anyone. I want to cry but there’s no tears. I want to kill myself but that’s ridiculous. I want to write or sing or something but I’m embarrassed people will hear/see me do something that’s not perfect. 

Part of this is the internet. I have mostly stopped posting on guitar forums. I unfollowed every politics related poster on Twitter. And I have been unfollowing the source posters of my Facebook friends. Though Facebook pisses me off because you can block any post you want but if it still thinks you want to see it, it’s going to show it to you. 

I’m still reading everything like an addict. And it’s not just the phone. It’s when I’m on the computer too. I need to make an effort on my own behalf to keep a book with me at all times. Yeah, I might only get a page or two here and there and have to read it over later. But I can’t keep exposing myself to human stupidity for a significant portion of my day. 

The guitar stuff is uber stupid. Taylor comes out with a new guitar and these cantankerous fucks who haven’t even seen one in person yet already hate it because of marketing, bracing, wood, you name it, they hate it. Heritage’s new owners commit to changing the line for the better and these assholes either want them to innovate in a way that’s outside of the brand or can’t get over that the headstock doesn’t look like a Gibson. And that’s just the on-topic bullshit stuff that’s been going on for years. Nevermind the thinly veiled politics. I’m just over it. There was a time when there was something to be learned in these places. That time has passed.  

And just because it needs to be said, I have no sympathy. If he dies, he dies. And Pence had better die too, because he’s worse. While I’m at it, religion is just fairy tales told to teach us a lesson or mask political commentary. None of it happened and very few of those people actually lived. Certainly none of them lived as written. So if that’s your basis to vote for impending fascism, and that’s why you won’t wear a mask, or you’re just a “but my freedoms” idiot, you deserve to die too. 

This is all Inner Critic. I hate myself but I hate you more. I actually do think those things and that’s the part of the Inner Critic that is me. But getting red in the face while typing it is not. At this point, I’m just at input overload. With that as my baseline, it’s no wonder I need peace like Frank Black. I sang that song last year when I was at my breaking point and it’s no wonder the first Catholics record has been on my mind the past week. 

Then, last night I had an argument with my wife. Usually our arguments are about me not helping and I’ve made a concerted effort during my unemployment to do more of the daily chores. We’re not talking about huge things here, just daily stuff that needs to be done. I seem to like to do those things at 3am while she does things as they happen. Call that more of not wanting people to see me. 

Yesterday, I was putting away the laundry and she didn’t like how I did it. So she took over and I went to read to our son, who closed the door to his room. She burst in, furious, and went off about how nobody was helping her. I told her I was helping and then she took over. Then I told the boy to wait 15 minutes and went downstairs to do the dishes. So that’s the setup. 

I’m putting the clean dishes from the dishwasher away and my Inner Critic just starts going off. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck it let’s get divorced. Fuck that, let’s walk out on the freeway and get run over by a car. That’ll show her. I mouthed “STOP” as loud as I could while vocalizing nothing. A silent scream. 

This because my wife, who has been trapped in the house for over a week due to asthma and bad air quality, is going stir crazy. As you can imagine, she apologized later, and I apologized as well. We agreed we aren’t mind readers and need feedback before things explode. That’s how we’ve made it nearly 15 years. That’s how we’ll get through the next 15. We held each other for a long time. 

The thing that bothered her most about the exchange was it happened in front of our son. He hates conflict and just wants everyone to be happy. She has flashbacks to her father screaming at her, and apparently, he was intimidating and sometimes physical, though I don’t think he ever left a mark. That said, those are traumatizing memories and she doesn’t want to pass those kinds of things onto our son. If you’ve read anything here before, you know I don’t want to either. My parents probably still spanked me at his age. And there was lots of yelling all the time. But they never left a mark either. 

So she was more worried about him seeing us fight than anything else. And in my mind, yes there were raised voices, but there was no screaming. There was no cursing. There were no threats. There was “I hear you and I want to resolve this with you”. We de-escalated, we hugged, she stripped and made the bed, I did the dishes, and I went back into the boy’s room to read to him again and put him to bed. We agreed that we do make an effort not to argue in front of him. We can’t hold it in and let it explode later when that’s supposed to be downtime for everyone. If he never sees us disagree about anything then he’ll not only have a false sense of who we are, but won’t have an example of how we resolved conflict with our loved ones as an example. Those things matter. 

So the situation is resolved and I’m still beating myself up about nothing today. And the only thing I have is this is my version of stir crazy. But instead of getting micromanagey and taking it out on others, I lock myself in a small room with no natural light, and stew until my inner dialog turns on me. This is why walking has been such a help. And I haven’t been able to do it recently because it smells like smoke outside. 

This afternoon, the AQI finally dropped into the moderate range. So we ran errands. And all of us kinda went crazy walking around Target. It was just good to get out of the house. We came back and the boy and I played whiffleball. We came back and my new neighbor accused me of leaving a note on his car about parking, which I didn’t do, nor do I care about. That got my temperature to rise. I wrote a new riff with my new partial capo, this time on the A side instead of the E side. Then I beat myself up because my timing wasn’t spot on with the metronome. 

We ate dinner and I helped the boy get ready for bed. Part of that was it was his turn to read. He saw the word “sit”, guessed at what it was, and gave up. I told him to sound it out and he said “sat”. I said “no, but close, replace a with i” and he just flopped over and said he couldn’t do it. So I told him “ok, well, I’m disappointed you just gave up. Say goodnight to your mother and go to sleep if you won’t try.” He did, and on his way back up the stairs, he asked me if I was mad. I said no, but I was disappointed. To which he replied, “do you still love me?” I said, “of course I still love you. Nobody is perfect and you can’t know everything on the first try. I’m here to help you but you have to put in the effort too. Mommy and I will never stop loving you” That seemed agreeable to him. He went to his room, I picked Ralph Towner’s “Anthem” for him to listen to, and he fell asleep. 

It’s really interesting to me how writing this has brought me a sense of calm. Not because it hasn’t in the now three months I’ve been writing. Because, like everything else, it took me so long to do it. I never wanted people to see any of this and only post it because of the anonymity of it all. Maybe someone will get something out of it. The simple act of getting it all out really does help. It’s not pretty, not well written, and just a document of triggers and the reactions of my negative inner dialog. If you read this and say “yo, this dude is fucking stupid” well that’s the point. It is all stupid. But it’s pent up stupidity that’s been trying to kill me for my entire life. I may not be able to prevent the Inner Critic from speaking, but I can slowly deflate and weaken him over time.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2015

This is the last list that was kind of difficult to do and where some cuts had to be made. The next four ones weren’t very good years music-wise and generally speaking.

Also there’s something that embarrasses me even more than Blue (Eiffel 65) somewhere on this top ten. Oops.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2015 was a bit calmer, apart from the fact I moved out of the appartment and bought one instead of renting one. This is still where I’m living nowadays, it’s not big but having no landlord is a LOT less stressful even if it will take a long time to pay the loan (one time the lock broke and I couldn’t get out and the landlord refused to fix it OR pay for a new lock if I decided to call someone to fix it ; another time someone who had a spare key opened the door while I was wearing a bathrobe and was like “oh. You’re here” and I was like “...I mean..... yeah.... 'cause I live here”). I also made new friends online that year and felt less isolated.

Sidenote, my first “flat” mp3 player’s battery died today but after a quick emergency operation I was able to save the data on it. I used that mp3 player from roughly 2008 to 2013 so that’s a relief, it kinda has sentimental value and I was still using it to listen to DW audios nowadays from time to time.

As you can see in the first picture, my super old portable cd player, which still works fine, by the way, is judging this little amateur so hard right now.

So! This is the year Faithless dropped Faithless 2.0, 21 Pilots dropped Blurryface, Mylène Farmer dropped the surprisingly quite good (for this point in her career) Interstellaires, and Carly Rae Jepsen dropped E MO TION, which would have been my favorite album of the year... if Nightwish hadn’t made the absolutely jawdropping Endless Forms Most Beautiful. A symphonic metal concept album about Earth and evolution and the place of humanity in the universe?? Excuse me? Who’s read my christmas list? My favorite songs on it are Alpenglow, Shudder Before The Beautiful, the title track, Edema Ruh which has the best intro, and of course The Greatest Show On Earth, which is an incredibly ambitious, kinda bloated and quite pretentious (in a good way) song about the history of Earth, looking back from a future where mankind is extinct and concluding “we were here”, and holy shit I get emotional every time, and it’s 24 minutes long, and I still never get bored when I relisten to it. Just amazing.

As far as unelligible songs that piss me off go, it’s all Carly Rae Jepsen: I Really Like You, and especially Run Away With Me. If they had been elligible, that last one would be my #1, definitely.

Here’s some... uh, a lot of honorable mentions, actually.

Budapest (George Ezra) and Chandelier (Sia) - Still elligible, still not on the list.

Cheerleader (OMI) - I have no idea why people dislike this song.

Ex’s and Oh’s (Elle King) - This is one of these songs that would be higher on the list if I had better taste. I still like it a lot though.

FourFiveSeconds (Rihanna, Kanye West, Paul McCartney) - Ditto.

You Know You Like It (DJ Snake) - Great drop. The rest is meh.

Miracle (Julian Perretta) - The opposite of the previous one ; a fantastic song let down by its drop.

Uma Thurman (Fall Out Boy) - This song makes absolutely no sense but it’s a lot of fun nonetheless.

Lean On (Major Lazer) - Super overplayed but holy shit this is incredibly catchy. The bridge is especially great.

Want to want me (Jason Derulo) - If this guy had that kind of song in him why does he suck most of the time. What happened.

Hundred Miles (Yazz) - Nice earworm that never got annoying.

Are you with me (Lost frequencies) - Basically a less good version of Waves from the previous year. This is a compliment.

Ain’t Nobody (Felix Jaehn) - And this is the less good version of Rather Be from the previous year. This is also a compliment.

Laissez Passer (Maître Gims) - When I started to check French hit songs from years where I basically wasn’t listening to the general local radio anymore, some friends told me they were grabbing popcorn and waiting for me to start hating some specific acts. Maître Gims was one of them. To their disappointment, I love just about every non-love, non-breakup hit song he’s ever made. Oops.

Love Me Harder (Ariana Grande & The Weeknd) - It took me ages to like The Weeknd but this song helped a lot. This just sounds fantastic regardless of the content (just saying this because I have a tendency to dislike stuff like that). He isn’t even the best singer of the two on this track, wow.

Millionnaire (Soprano) - In a worse year, this would make the list without question. The lyrics aren’t that original but still very good (love the line “remplis-moi les poches d’espoir” (fill my pockets with hope)) and the melody is just beautiful.

On écrit sur les murs (Kids United) - If you recall I put the original version of this on my 1990 list because I liked the Kids United version a lot and also had nothing else to put at the 10th spot on the 1990 list. The fact that I don’t even have enough space for the better version on this list says a lot about how abysmal 1990 was, music-wise.

And now, the actual list!

10 - Centuries (Fall Out Boy)

US: #43 / FR: Not on the list

Why are these guys still on my lists.

No, seriously. Why. This is yet another song that would be better if it was faster. And the sample is badly used. So I have no idea why it works. One of these days I’ll have to reevaluate Fall Out Boy’s entire discography, take a good look at myself, and admit I possibly like this band and that I’ve been lying to myself for like 15 years... but today is not that day.

9 - Sapés Comme Jamais (Maître Gims)

US: Not on the list / FR: #10

Told you I liked Maître Gims!

Listen. It’s not my place to comment on the ethics of the whole La Sape movement (which can be summarised as “modern black dandies trying to get the most expensive & beautiful clothes possible”) but you have to admit it’s super cool to have a more energetic and fun version of Suit And Tie. God, that beat. And it’s a ton of fun to sing along with the chorus! And it’s such a convincing song when it’s combined with the music video, you kinda want to look as cool and confident as these guys.

Also quick shoutout to the Sapeuses. Absolute legends & queens, every last one of them.

8 - Style (Taylor Swift)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

That year my s.o went to a party I didn’t want to go to and came back home completely drunk & way too late, crashed on the couch and started to ramble about how “Style” by Taylor Swift had a better sound mixing than the entirety of Epica’s latest album at the time and how amazing it was. For like half an hour.

I completely agree, just to clarify.

7 - Cool For The Summer (Demi Lovato)

US: #53 / FR: Not on the list

In what is possibly the least controversial opinion on this entire list: I love Cool For The Summer, the melody is great, the lyrics are good, the singing is the best, and you all know that and you all love this song, so yeah. Moving on to-

Oh god here comes #6. Oh shit. Oh no.

Can’t we just skip it and pretend-

6 - Animals (Maroon 5)

US: #46 / FR: Not on the list

So. I.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

How can I justify this bullshit.

The truth is: I can’t. Not really. I’m not even entirely sure what happened here. I hate this band and have always hated them, from the start. The lyrics are painfully stupid. The singing is as atrocious as ever. The “AWOOOOO” bit on the bridge is absolutely ridiculous. None of Levine’s “oh look at me I’m so dangerous” act remotely works. There isn’t a single thing I find competent here apart from the melody. I mean it. I’m not saying any of this to look cool. If I wanted to look cool, this certainly wouldn’t be on the list.

But you know what, the sheer incompetence on display here may be exactly why I like it. If it was a credible serial killer song written like an upbeat pop song, it would be disturbing and unlistenable. But the way it’s made, it simply sounds stupid, so you keep imagining some sort of inoffensive nerd pretending he’s a horrible monster (and failing) whenever you hear it. And that, I think, is what pushes it squarely into the “so bad it’s f█cking fantastic” territory, where it joins Butterfly from my 2001 list.

That sounds about right.

5 - Adventure of a Lifetime (Coldplay)

US: Not on the list / FR: #29

I haven’t mentioned A Head Full of Dreams in that year’s albums, because it came out at the very end of 2015 so I mostly consider it to be a 2016 album. It’s not as good as Mylo Xyloto, and not as consistant as Ghost Stories, but it contains some real gems. Adventure of a Lifetime isn’t nearly my favorite song on it, and I still put it super high here. I love the lyrics in particular (”under this pressure, under this weight, we are diamonds taking shape” oh damn) but the song itself just makes you want to move. I literally can’t listen to it without at least moving my head in rhythm a little bit. It’s nearly as colorful as the album cover. And it’s a joy to sing along the “woooohooooo”s!

4 - Stolen Car (Mylène Farmer & Sting)

US: Not on the list / FR: #61

This is Stolen Car (Take Me Dancing), from Sting (2004), rewritten as a half English half French duet where it’s unclear if the female singer is the imaginary lover or the car in the story. You might want to re-read that sentence.

What did I say on a previous list? Ah yes, “I see a duet between two singers I like and I die instantly”. This is also the last time Mylène Farmer is going to appear on one of my lists. I could say “self care”, but I genuinely don’t like any of her more recent hits, at all. Whatever. She’s been on these lists since the very first one (1988) anyway.

It’s been a wild ride, to say the least.

3 - Shut Up And Dance (Walk the Moon)

US: #6 / FR: Not on the list

And for the second least controversial opinion on this list: despite the massive overplay, I never EVER got tired of this, it’s colorful, energetic, super fun, and it’s still on my mp3 player to this day. Just a fantastic song. And a great band! I wish One Foot had been elligible for a future list, it’s super good. Aw.

2 - Ego (Willy Williams)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69

This is a song about a guy who imagines himself as this super cool elegant dude, but when he looks at himself in the mirror he hates everything he’s seeing.

I know this isn’t supposed to be a song about gender dysphoria but my god is this shit relatable.

To make things even better, it’s served by creepy music box sounds ala The Birthday Massacre and by an untouchable, strange beat. It’s a dark, weird song, but it’s all kinds of wonderful and catchy as hell, and apparently I’m not the only one to think that considering the mindboggling number of views on the youtube music video. Watch it if you haven’t seen it, it’s hypnotic and makes the song even better.

I only discovered this song last year but I’ve listened to it so much since then I really debated if this should be at the #1 spot. It’s just... so horribly relatable.

But you know what’s even more relatable?

Being broke and sad and still trying to have the time of your life.

1 - Downtown (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis)

US: #84 / FR: Not on the list

Some people call this Thriftshop 2.0 but I think it’s even better than Thriftshop, which was, if you recall one of my previous lists, already pretty damn good in my opinion.

As you probably already know, it’s a song about a guy buying a moped and bragging about him and his friends, and their mopeds, and how cool they look when they ride downtown on their mopeds. I never owned a moped in my life. But I have a super small & shitty car which I love very much and so it’s very relatable. Also I’ve never written the word ‘moped’ so often in a single paragraph before in my life.

I love every single person who sings on this track. I love the music video. I’ve been trying to match the flow of the second verse ever since it came out and I still can’t do it with my shitty accent. It’s full of weird and corny lines, but that’s also why I love it so much. The dialogue at the beginning! “Dope, my crew is ill, and all we need is two good wheels”! “Head into the dealership and drop a stack and cop a Kawasaki, I'm stunting on everybody, hella raw, pass the wasabi”! “My seat is leather, alright, I'm lying, it's pleather / But girl, we could still ride together / You don't need an Uber, you don't need a cab / F█ck a bus pass, you got a moped man”!! “Cut the bullshit / Get off my mullet / Stone washed, so raw / Moped like a bullet - NYAOOOOOO”!! “Running around the whole town / Neighbors yelling at me like, "You need to slow down." / Going thirty-eight, Dan, chill the f█ck out / Mow your damn lawn and sit the hell down”!!! Oh shit, I basically quoted one third of the song. I just. Ugh. I love it so much, okay?

Cringe culture is dead and we peed on its grave. We spend enough time in our lives feeling miserable. Like what you like. Even if it’s super ridiculous. No: especially if it’s super ridiculous. Live a little, damn it.

Next up: The Year Everything Went Wrong Except Pop Music

[obserfdom]

Taylor Swift, A Real Person Inside Celebrity Attire

I wanna have a break for awhile in speculating about Taylor Swift' sexuality/relationship and dedicate this writing solely focusing on her as a person.

Honestly, I've never a big fans of her. Nor to any other celebrities out there. I am always a casual listener to any music. And very seldom I attentively scrutinizing song lyrics. But falling to Kaylors fandom inevitably forced me to dig more about Taylor Swift. I was very much surprise knowing how popular she is, or how successful she is building up an empire of 'devotees'. She is a queen in almost every sense.

But only through knowing how relatable her character is to ourselves as a non celebrity that truly inspiring and gradually takes me to grow a soft-tenderness feeling toward her. And like a teen swiftie, I can't help to echo their praise: "I love you, Taylor Swift!"

Here, I am just going to copy a relatable normal human being version of Taylor's story from many sources - mostly from people with direct interaction with her, the 'normal' people. If one still deducting flaws out of her personality, after reading these kind of testimonials - well it would speak a lot about who the person is rather than being about Taylor Swift.

***

From Rolling Stone:

We’ve been talking for a while when a boat rows up carrying three teenagers – two girls and a guy. “Oh, my God!” says one of the girls. “Today is my birthday! Can I please take a picture with you?” Swift laughs. “You can, but I don’t know how you’re going to. You’re on a boat, buddy!”

“I’ll get off!” the girl says. “I’ll find a way.” Swift and her bodyguard reach out and help her into the pavilion. “You’re going to make me cry!” she says.

“Is it really your birthday?” Swift asks.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” the girl says.

“Oh, that’s a good year.”

“I know. I’m excited.”

The girl says she lives on Long Island. She and her friends took the train in for the day. “That’s cute,” Swift says. “Are you going to dinner somewhere?”

The girl scrunches up her face. “We were going to . . . Chipotle?”

Swift smiles. She goes to her purse and pulls out a wad of cash – $90, to be exact. “Here,” she says. “Go somewhere nice.”

“Oh, my God,” the girl says. “Thank you!” She climbs back in the boat, and she and her friends paddle off.

Note:

$90 may not be a big number for a celeb like Taylor Swift with an estimated worth around 360 million USD. However, that was probably the only cash she had in hand - and Taylor gave it all to the teen girl she barely knew only cause she probably felt that she could contribute to boost this girl's happiness by adding the teen with more fund to spend on her birthday.

This was not only sweet but it genuinely a very grandeur kindnest.

***

"Is Taylor Swift actually a nice person?" - a question made in Quora:

Anonymous answered it, in May 21th 2018

This post has been a long time coming. I am answering this question anonymously for a number of reasons: 1) I do not wish to inadvertently become tabloid fodder; 2) I do not wish to capitalize on Taylor; 3) I enjoy my relatively normal life; and 4) I believe the anonymity is well-deserved on Taylor’s part. Although Taylor may be able to determine who is writing this, I do not believe such information to be of use to the public. I am sure, if she wished, she could write me a letter and reconnect at anytime. That is her choice to make.

Before Taylor hit it big, Taylor and I spent months emailing back and forth on MySpace. We were the same age with similar tastes in music, similar viewpoints on life, and similar, sarcastic senses of humor. We were both trying to make it in music and grow a fan base. We confided in each other. We trusted each other. We had an ongoing, supportive relationship that helped both of us when we sometimes felt there was nowhere else to turn. Few knew of my coversations with her - but some of Taylor’s closest friends did know they were taking place (they called me “the guy on MySpace,” as it is my understanding Taylor did not tell them my name).

The two of us, still in our teens and miles apart, began writing to each other in short messages at first. We would discuss music, school, and random jokes we would make upon the fly. As time went on, the messages (and their topics) went from short and complimentary to in-depth and personal. We would write messages to one another that, if printed, would be multiple pages long. Looking back, these were the messages of two teenagers trying to find themselves and, in the process, found a friend in one another. We never had expectations, just a supportive friendship with a member of the opposite sex we could not seem to find offline. Although our situations and backgrounds were very different, our similarities closed any gap between us.

During our time messaging, Taylor had hit a rough patch in her life. That may be easy to balk at if you see Taylor as a flawless celebrity rather than the caring and thoughtful person that she is - but the struggle she was experiencing at the time was very real and had its toll on her, a teen trying to find her place. I would do my best to encourage her from a distance and support her as the situation unfolded. Taylor did the same for me. The mutual respect and maturity shared with one another was like nothing else I had experienced. As for Taylor, I believe she felt the same.

Then, something happened. I began to emotionally struggle with the loss of a grandparent who had passed in 2002. As a young person, I had buried the pain for years and did not know how to cope. I had little in terms of a support mechanism in my “real” life. But things were just beginning in Taylor’s career. I thought that my burdens would weigh Taylor down. So, rather than turn to Taylor for support or tell her what happened, I did the only thing sixteen year old me knew how to do… I closed myself off, shut down my MySpace page… and tried to grapple with the experience on my own. To this day, I feel guilty about having left her out in the dark. But I still believe I did the right thing. Taylor had a dream we both shared and it was becoming a reality. I was not about to stand in the way by making her worry about her friend. She was too kind and sweet to me. Strapping her with that type of burden would have been unjustifiable. As fast as I had entered it, I was out of Taylor’s life. If she saw me today, it is unlikely she would recognize me as that guy who was playing country songs. That is not the path my life took.

Fast forward to today and I am a highly educated person who has been able to carve my own path in this world. By any measure, I have been successful for my age. If Taylor were not a celebrity, I believe her story would be much the same.

What you see and hear about Taylor does not scratch the surface or come near the reality. The claims about her doing things for publicity, being an uncaring person, or using others are nowhere near an accurate description of the person I grew to know. Taylor is a kind, caring, compassionate person who wants nothing more than to love and be loved. Her acts of charity are not acts of publicity, they are acts of character. She has earned and deserves her career. Knowing her as I did, I cannot help but believe she often longs for normalcy, anonymity, and questions what it would be like if she were simply Taylor to this day - not the celebrity, but another person who lived life without being subjected to the critiques, comments, and ridicule.

I knew Taylor for Taylor, she was wonderful. In the unlikely event she reads this, I apologize for not writing back and hope she understands why I made that decision. I kicked myself for years - not because of the fame she found, but because of the friend I loss.

Taylor, I am proud of how far you have made it in this world.

Note:

Me and approximately 8.3k Quora-ers agreed that this guys story is genuine.

***

Steve Parr - a quora-er, answered this (from the same Quora page):

I’ve met Taylor Swift twice, both while I was working for Taylor Guitars.

The first time was at the Winter NAMM Show in Anaheim, California. She was there with her father who BEGGED Bob Taylor to let her play on our performance stage. I think she was about 15 at the time. She was nervous and her songs weren’t great, but she was beaming and very appreciative of the time given her.

The second time was when she held her album release party for Fearless (2008) at the Taylor factory in El Cajon, CA. There was a nationwide contest where two people were flown from each state to San Diego to attend the party, get a meet & greet and attend a private concert for a total of about 250 people. I was heavily involved in photography, so the production company hired me to shoot the meet & greet and the concert.

When she arrived at our factory for that event, she came in through the back of our shipping warehouse. As she walked through, she greeted everyone, giving them a long, solid hug while saying “hello”. Now, some of these guys were hardcore warehouse types who were dirty and sweaty. That didn’t matter to Swift. She didn’t have to do what she did, but she did it. I thought that spoke highly of her character.

So, yeah, she’s really a nice person…

Note:

If you familiar with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, you probably remember the first few pages about "bus driver" story. This guy spread the joy with his inert kindnest. He was the example of emotional intelligence that Goleman referred to.

Reading the above testimony remind me of the bus driver. If you think Taylor Swift doesn't atleast possess a lil of EI, then I think you need to re-think about how you view the world - and start to trust humanity act of kindnest again.

***

Final thought:

Really I could copy paste dozen of testimonials out there about Taylor Swift. Esp from fans who lucky enough to meet her in person during secret sessions. They are not only being loyal to Taylor because they led by 'blindness' by Taylor's charm - but more because I could see that Taylor had touched their heart with her genuinely nice behaviours. Treating her fans as in the highest value, is one of Taylor's rare quality as human being.

Not to mention, Taylor has been involved in many charitably acts through out the years - a very good role model not only to youth but to all of us in general. I could say that her parents have raised her well and influenced her to continue being grounded.

Oh yes, I am fully aware that Taylor Swift is mere human with all the flaws and far from perfection - and I have no doubt that she awares of it too - nevertheless, if one lacking in appreciation toward others and only focus in finding every lil dirts, as haters would be, well that speaks more about them compare to the object of their rants. That just like one unconsciously noticed their own version of 'elephant in the room', but rather than face it - they cowardly projecting it to other. And public figure, esp a sweet lollipop like Taylor, sadly always an easy target achery.

Xxx

[jackieswift]

Hey guys! I’ve gotten a lot of new followers recently. If that is because you like my weird posts, thinks my love story right now is hilarious and cute or if it is because you hope it will give you a bigger chance of meeting Taylor, I don’t care about. I’m just really happy you all have decided to follow me here where I freak out about Taylor things the whole time, write about my boring life that mostly involves working way too much, spending time with my family and writing songs about my pathetic love life. 

I just thought it would be fun to write a little about myself since there are so many new people that might read my blog nowadays. My name is Jacqueline, but everyone calls me Jackie. Although I really hope Taylor call me Jacqueline if I ever meet her again. I’m 20 years old and live in Sweden...you know that country everyone thought Nils Sjöberg came from (lol). And that Max Martin and Shellback actually come from. Yeah, we have some great songwriters in Sweden, but most Swedish music sucks tbh. But I really do hope I can be one of them one day. I started writing songs when I was 15 and got more serious about it when I was 16. That was when I started dreaming about moving to Nashville and performing at the Grand Ole Opry. And another thing that happened when I was 15 was that I got the biggest crush on Taylor's little brother Austin (which I’m pretty sure she knows about since I wrote way too much about it during the time Taylor supposedly stalked this blog, hehe).

In less than two weeks (August 19th) I start university since I decided to take one year after high school to work which is something that most people do in Sweden. I’m not really sure of what I’m gonna end up working with, but studying at a great university is always a great start, right? Although I’m pretty scared of schools tbh. I mean I LOVE studying...maybe a bit too much. But I feel like I’m way too different. I never fit in and it’s always been a problem for me in school. I’ve therefore been bullied pretty much my entire life. For a bit more than two years, I’ve worked at a restaurant in Stockholm. It started out as a summer job, then it became a weekend job when I went back to school and the last year I’ve worked there maybe a bit too much. Anyways, I’m a waitress and I both love and hate the job. Since I work at the most crowded restaurant in the city and maybe even in the country it’s really stressful. But I’ve fallen in love with the people I work with. 

And I’ve literally fallen in love with one of the guys I work with. But he’s already taken (which I found out about MONTHS after I started liking him). Anyways, he’s moving away in September/October so welcome to my life when it’s like this big rollercoaster. I’ve never been in love before so this is something new to me. Although back when I was 17 I had this horrible relationship that I’m so happy I run away from before it destroyed me even more. Because of that relationship Better Man and All Too Well became really important in my life so when I met Taylor I bought her a light blue scarf since she left one at his place. And even though my ex didn’t make me his own, he still did in a way and I hate him for it. When Taylor stood up for herself in her trial I laid in my bed crying. And when I heard her words I knew I had to speak up! So I told my friends and parents. I’ve never in my life seen my parents so destroyed before. Or maybe I have, back when I was 12. But we’ll come to that part later. Taylor was the reason I dared saying “me too”. And the fact that I got to meet her around that time meant THE WORLD TO ME.

When I was 12 I was deathly ill and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced, but I still think it gets a second place after sitting in the same room as my ex that I was afraid of for over a year. Not knowing if you’re gonna survive a sickness when you’re just a little kid is hard and kids being really mean about it just made it even worse. I only had A FEW friends that actually gave me a hand and said: “hey we’re here for you”. Most people bullied me instead. The worst words I think I’ve ever gotten to hear in my life is “You should have just died when you were so sick. The world would have been a much better place without you in it. It’s not like anyone would miss you. Do you really think that? No the reason you’re parents cried at night wasn’t because they were afraid you might die, it’s because they were afraid you might live. So just go and kill yourself. The world would be better without you. We don’t want you here. No one’s ever gonna want you here” because even though I knew they were wrong it was so hard having to listen to that time after time. 

Okay, let’s be a bit more positive. I’m a last kiss baby which y’all will notice by following me. July 9th is a freaking party in my world. Not because it’s my birthday and I get older, but because Taylor Swift wrote my favorite song and mentioned my birthday in it. PLUS I did have my last kiss December 13th, 2017 which is pretty funny considering that’s her birthday.

I have named my future children so my future husband won’t have that much to say about it, lol. Okay, we can talk about it but Heavenly it is...because when I was 16 I heard the word and was like “Wow that’s the most gorgeous word I’ve ever heard. Could I name my future daughter that? Well, why not people name their kids weirder things in society today.” So when Taylor said Heavenly today I kind of jumped up and down and screamed and got a bit too excited about it.

Sometimes people say I look like Taylor. I don’t really see it, but I like wearing red lipstick and write country songs so hey that’s always something. But if we’re looking at Taylor personality I truly feel like I’ve found a sister although like a better version of me. So because of Taylor I every day try to be a better human being. 

I’m SOOOOO excited about Lover and even though it’s my first school week I will totally care more about the album than school because hello it’s not like the first week will decide more than which people I will hang out with for the next three and a half years anyway. But yeah otherwise school is my life. I’m that kind of person that gets way too annoyed if she misses one point on a test. I’m a perfectionist and that’s probably why I love Tumblr so much because here’s the only place I don’t feel like I have to be perfect because you guys will accept me no matter what.

Anyways, have a great day/evening/night or whatever. I think I*m going to sleep pretty soon. So see y’all tomorrow ❤️

[rggator-blog]

Hi, welcome to Rose Rambles, I’m Rose, and today I’ll be rambling on about whether or not the old Taylor Swift is truly dead.

Before we begin the discussion, there are some things you should know about… such as her previous album history. So for the next couple of minutes, I’ll be discussing what her old albums were when they came out and what the general vibes were.

So her first album came out in 2006, self titled, Taylor Swift. She was still in high school when she released it, so of course, it was about her struggles in high school with boys and mean girls, and it was a very country album. In 2008, she released Fearless, which truly brought her to fame. It was about teenage love and how it has ups and downs, and it gave you the feeling of a magical fairy tale love romance story. In 2010, she released Speak Now. It was still country, but it definitely had more of a pop sound to it.  And it was a more grown up version of Fearless. Clearly, she had grown up and really evolved in her writing style, and that really shows. In the 2012, she released Red. It’s still a little country, but it was mostly pop. (Nowadays, it would be considered part of a new genre called Pop-Country.) Red was clearly about someone who had Taylor very very badly by someone who she had considered to be very close with. What happened between was revealed very recently, and I will discuss that later on in the podcast. In 2014, Taylor Swift released 1989. It was named after her year of birth and it’s very very pop. In fact, it was inspired by the pop-synth music of the 1980’s. It gave the vibes of living your best life and doing what you want to, even though it might not please other people. Three years later, in 2017, Taylor Swift released her sixth and most recent studio album, reputation. It is also entirely pop music and it’s about someone who had been wronged.

So now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can discuss the differences between “The Old Taylor” and “The New Taylor.” So, one of her most obvious changes that you can physically see is her hair. From the Taylor Swift, Fearless, and Speak Now eras, Taylor Swift has long, blonde curly hair. In the Red era, it was long, blonde and (mostly) straight. By 1989 and reputation, her hair was super, super straight. You can see pictures demonstrating that in the photos below. However, in a reputation magazine (that can out as promotion for her album), some of the pictures show that she’s bringing the curly hair back, which is very surprising for her fans because she continued to go on and on about how much she loved having straight hair, and she didn't like her curly hair anymore. Now, she’s slowly adding the waves back in, which is signaling a change in her life.

Something else that is different is Taylor Swift adulting (for lack of a better word). She mentions adult subjects such as cursing and alcohol. In fact, the song, I Did Something Bad (on the reputation album) is the first time she curses in an album. She also brought up alcohol 13 times in her album, reputation, which is also a new trend for her.

Also, the album release cycle for reputation was different from all the other ones. Excluding reputation, all albums have been released every two years. She would release an album, go on tour, take a break, write/record more songs, go out on tour, and repeat over and over again. But, for reputation, Taylor took a longer break in between the creation of the albums due to some feuding with other celebrities, which is another podcast that you’ll have to listen to to find out more. All of her albums, including reputation, have been released in October or November.

So, is the old Taylor really dead? Well, let’s compare her to the new Taylor - what do they do that’s similar? She still writes country songs. In the past, her albums have been country, but she made the transition to pop. We know she still writes country songs because she released two of them. She released the song Better Man for another country band. She doesn’t actually sing in it, but she wrote and produced it. During the Red era, she wrote the song, Babe, and she’s given to Sugarland, and is featured on it. That song, since it was released during the Red era, and it was released in the last month, it has changed a lot of perspectives about the Red album. A lot of fans were mad it wasn’t released, because it’s really really good, and it changes the whole meaning of the album. You should go and take a listen if you haven’t already!

Something else similar is “being on the kitchen floor.” In 2009, she released the music video for her song, White Horse, and for a majority of it on the kitchen floor. A couple of years later, in 2018, Taylor Swift was featured in the music video for Babe, where she was still sitting on the kitchen floor.

Taylor still uses similar song topics. Throughout all of her albums, there has been at least one song about love, if not several songs. But she also has some call outs… On her most recent album, she had a call-out song called, This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things. Some examples of this in previous albums are Better Than Revenge, and Forever and Always. Something else she’s had in different eras are horses. Like I mentioned before, she had an entire song called White Horse. In one of her music videos in the 1989 era, Blank Space, she had a white horse. In the Ready for it? music video (in the reputation era), she also had a white horse. Clearly, this classic fairy symbol has some meaning of importance to Taylor.

So is the old Taylor truly dead? We’ll never really know. Personally, I have come to the conclusion that she is not, and that the “Old Taylor” is really just hiding. But, we’ll have to wait until the upcoming album cycle to see what happens next. This has been Rose Rambles, I’m Rose. Thank you for listening.

-rg