#inner critic

[quietlotus]

“If you hear a voice within you saying, ‘You are not a painter,’ then by all means paint … and that voice will be silenced.”

— Vincent van Gogh

[thepeacefulgarden]

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[myfreedomformoutterdemons]

[vavandeveresfan]

My Inner Critic’s reactions as I read through my WIP.

The opening.

The introduction of the main character.

The premise.

Introducing the antagonist.

Dramatic tension and plot twist.

The sex scene.

[avoidantrecovery]

the fact that there are people out there without an inner critic is crazy to me. no entity telling them they are shit, any chance it gets. no over-inflated fear, no spiralling rumination, no paralyzing self-hate or self-sabotage. just "hey let me try again and do it better next time."

apparently this is something unique to trauma. everyone feels bad about mistakes they make. but only people with an inner critic go on to just absolutely destroy themselves with blame, shame, guilt, fear, self-abuse, etc… afterwards. other people just dust themselves off after some time and try to do better next time. no soul-destroying self-talk or all the demons of the past coming back to rear their ugly heads.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[r-3-w]

Art style stuff

@so0ppa @cottoncandyramen

Testing some artstyle replication

[savagechickens]

Self-Taught.

And more learning.

[naneun-no]

✨New positive self-talk phrase unlocked! ✨

(unrelated to BTS heads up).

I hesitate to even share this 1) because it’s kind of vulnerable and 2) because it’s probably so obvious to so many of you, but I think maybe it could help someone who struggles with a harsh inner critic like I do so here goes. A couple of days ago I started using a new phrase when my inner critic comes out pointing fingers at something I (debatably) didn’t do exactly right, and here’s what it is:

“Ah, I didn’t do it perfectly this time.”

That’s it.

Lemme splain. Like most anxious, highly sensitive people (like many of you probably), I am a perfectionist. Debilitatingly so, sometimes, and it’s really silly, because I KNOW that I cannot achieve perfection. I know it consciously, at least. But subconsciously, the quick as lightning, mean little voice in my head that criticizes me every chance she gets must actually believe it’s possible. And I realized that when I say it out loud it highlights how futile and unrealistic that expectation actually is.

I was walking to my car and noticed that I parked a bit wonky. Not even that bad, I was well within my lines, but it wasn’t perfectly straight like I for some reason expect it should be every time and my little inner critic was like “wow nice parking job dumbass, didn’t your dad teach you to swing wide and cut sharp? What’s wrong with you?” And I just decided to chuckle and say, “ah yeah, I didn’t do it perfectly this time.”

And boom, it was like suddenly the voice in my head was the dumbass, not me. It made the expectation that I could park perfectly every single time sound petty, and very inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, and like something that I could try next time, since I will have countless more opportunities to park my damn car again and it’s literally a nonissue.

Last night I was consolidating expressed breast milk into one bottle, a task I commonly undertake in the dark of the night by light of a kitchen nightlight and while operating on about 2 hours of sleep in the last 24, and I spilled some. It sucked, and breast milk isn’t the easiest for me to come by, and I wanted to actually break down in tears but instead I said, “Ah, I didn’t do it perfectly this time.” And whoosh, what a sense of relief. There’s always next time.

Obviously there are times when that phrase won’t work, when there’s an actual problem and you need to take accountability and figure out how to not do it next time because it causes actual problems, but when it comes to the snarky inner critic?

Make the snarky inner critic look rude, by exposing how unrealistic its expectations really are.

Try it on your inner critic! Or outer critic, next time your mother-in-law or rude family member or friend who’s actually kind of a bully makes a snide little remark about something you didn’t do perfectly. Cause at the end of the day, you did it, and that’s a hell of a lot better than the alternatives.

[oscarisaacasimov]

totally healthy reasons that I love/hate/relate to Izzy Hands

Filled up to the brim with self-loathing, a desire that can never be fulfilled, and a death wish

"I'm unlovable but that's ok bc I'm useful"

Will take care of you but also will bitch about it the entire time.

"This is my niche, I can't grow or adapt into something new."

You want me to bring this trauma to light? Best I can do is make a dark joke about it.

"You've outgrown me and I can't accept that what we had is over."

You need a different style of support, and I am taking that personally.

"If I suffer due to my mistakes, or my ex lover's mistakes, or my ex lover's new partner's mistakes, I deserve it."

You need less of me - less management, less opinions, more freedom, and I do not believe you'll succeed without me.

"I'm responsible for your moods and actions."

No ability to accept love that you don't deserve and can't repay, must be physically & emotionally cracked open first.

This is the opposite of main character syndrome, I am fated to be the NPC / side kick / support class of other's journeys.

"I did everything by the book and hit rock bottom, so I guess fuck all these rules, I do whatever I want now (bonus points if you are ND &/ queer)." Not a great person, but neither are Ed or Stede really? At least I have an internal code of ethics, something to live for and die for, beyond my own whims.

[quietlotus]

“If you hear a voice within you saying, ‘You are not a painter,’ then by all means paint … and that voice will be silenced.”

— Vincent van Gogh

[maisanctuary]

14 common inner critic attacks

Here is a list of 14 common inner critic attacks divided into the key categories of perfectionism and endangerment. Each is paired with a healthier (and typically more accurate) thought-substitution response. Click here for the PDF version.

Perfectionism My perfectionism arose as an attempt to gain safety and support in my dangerous family. Perfection is a self-persecutory myth. I do not have to be perfect to be safe or loved in the present. I am letting go of relationships that require perfection. I have a right to make mistakes. Mistakes do not make me a mistake. Every mistake or mishap is an opportunity to practice loving myself in the places I have never been loved.

All-or-None & Black-and-White Thinking I reject extreme or overgeneralized descriptions, judgments or criticisms. One negative happenstance does not mean I am stuck in a never-ending pattern of defeat. Statements that describe me as “always” or “never” this or that, are typically grossly inaccurate.

Self-Hate, Self-Disgust & Toxic Shame I commit to myself. I am on my side. I am a good enough person. I refuse to trash myself. I turn shame back into blame and disgust, and externalize it to anyone who shames my normal feelings and foibles. As long as I am not hurting anyone, I refuse to be shamed for normal emotional responses like anger, sadness, fear and depression. I especially refuse to attack myself for how hard it is to completely eliminate the self-hate habit.

Micromanagement/Worrying/Obsessing/ Looping/ Over-Futurizing I will not repetitively examine details over and over. I will not jump to negative conclusions. I will not endlessly second-guess myself. I cannot change the past. I forgive all my past mistakes. I cannot make the future perfectly safe. I will stop hunting for what could go wrong. I will not try to control the uncontrollable. I will not micromanage myself or others. I work in a way that is “good enough”, and I accept the existential fact that my efforts sometimes bring desired results and sometimes they do not. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” - The Serenity Prayer

Unfair/Devaluing Comparisons To others or to one’s most perfect moments. I refuse to compare myself unfavorably to others. I will not compare “my insides to their outsides”. I will not judge myself for not being at peak performance all the time. In a society that pressure us into acting happy all the time, I will not get down on myself for feeling bad.

Guilt Feeling guilty does not mean I am guilty. I refuse to make my decisions and choices from guilt; sometimes I need to feel the guilt and do it anyway. In the inevitable instance when I inadvertently hurt someone, I will apologize, make amends, and let go of my guilt. I will not apologize over and over. I am no longer a victim. I will not accept unfair blame. Guilt is sometimes camouflaged fear. – “I am afraid, but I am not guilty or in danger”.

"Shoulding” I will substitute the words “want to” for “should” and only follow this imperative if it feels like I want to, unless I am under legal, ethical or moral obligation.

Overproductivity/Workaholism/Busyholism I am a human being not a human doing. I will not choose to be perpetually productive. I am more productive in the long run, when I balance work with play and relaxation. I will not try to perform at 100% all the time. I subscribe to the normalcy of vacillating along a continuum of efficiency.

Harsh Judgments of Self & Others/Name-Calling I will not let the bullies and critics of my early life win by joining and agreeing with them. I refuse to attack myself or abuse others. I will not displace the criticism and blame that rightfully belongs to them onto myself or current people in my life. “I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself”. - Jane EyreENDANGERMENT ATTACKS

Drasticizing/Catastrophizing/Hypochondrisizing I feel afraid but I am not in danger. I am not “in trouble” with my parents. I will not blow things out of proportion. I refuse to scare myself with thoughts and pictures of my life deteriorating. No more home-made horror movies and disaster flicks.

Negative focus I renounce over-noticing & dwelling on what might be wrong with me or life around me. I will not minimize or discount my attributes. Right now, I notice, visualize and enumerate my accomplishments, talents and qualities, as well as the many gifts Life offers me, e.g., friends, nature, music, film, food, beauty, color, pets, etc.

Time Urgency I am not in danger. I do not need to rush. I will not hurry unless it is a true emergency. I am learning to enjoy doing my daily activities at a relaxed pace.

Disabling Performance Anxiety I reduce procrastination by reminding myself that I will not accept unfair criticism or perfectionist expectations from anyone. Even when afraid, I will defend myself from unfair criticism. I won’t let fear make my decisions.

Perseverating About Being Attacked Unless there are clear signs of danger, I will thought-stop my projection of past bully/critics onto others. The vast majority of my fellow human beings are peaceful people. I have legal authorities to aid in my protection if threatened by the few who aren’t. I invoke thoughts and images of my friends’ love and support.

Source: Pete Walker in "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving"

[fortunaestalta]

[myfreedomformoutterdemons]

[terriblewritingadvice]

uhh. caption. IDK!!