#akutagawa and his relationship with violence

[inamagicalhallucination]

i have more unasked for opinions btw if ur curious

[kentopedia]

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ SAFEGUARD — dazai, chuuya, akutagawa

summary . . . they save you after you've been injured and captured by an enemy.

contents . . . sfw, f!reader (chuuya & dazai) and gn!reader (akutagawa), violence / blood, threats, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, established relationship, and it's pmboss!dazai bc i can't help myself — 3.5k total

notes . . . i got this request so long ago lol. not my best work, but i have been in the worst writing slump ever and just wanted to finish something. i've also never written for akutagawa before so pls be nice <3

𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐔𝐘𝐀 . . .

there are very few times that chuuya feels he’s been outsmarted. he knows he’s not the mastermind of the port mafia, but he certainly isn’t a fool. when it comes to you and your well-being, though, his mind short-circuits, half of his intelligence draining away while his emotions take hold. 

your relationship isn’t a secret to anyone in the port mafia, which means that it isn’t a secret to your enemies either. and while most people know it’s hard to land a finger on chuuya directly, his pretty little girlfriend doesn’t have the power of a god nestled inside of her.

the rage sparks through him, growing fiercely into the blaze of a forest fire, until all he can think of is getting you home safely. he thinks of your sweet smile as he rips the door of the enemies’ base off the hinges, crushing it into a million pieces with the force of gravity. 

the men are quick to react, but chuuya hurtles the crushed door towards them, knocking three of them to their feet. another group charges at him, but their guns do little against his skill. after years of fighting some of the strongest ability users, simple criminal organizations are as easy to step over like ants. 

chuuya kills them all — except for one.

the man’s knees are wobbling, hand shaking around the gun as he realizes that these will be his final moments. there is fear in his eyes, brown ones that rest wide open, and chuuya almost hesitates. his remorse doesn’t last long, though, before he’s wrapping a hand around the man’s throat, thrusting him backwards. 

“where is she?” chuuya asks, voice sharp and commanding. 

he can feel the man swallowing. 

chuuya knows that backup is probably on the way, but it won’t matter whether they show up or not. he’ll crush the rest of his enemies just as he’s crushed the last twenty men. the poor soul in his leather hold seems to know that as well. 

“i-i’ll take you to her,” he rasps, dropping his gun to claw at chuuya’s hand. 

he drops him, lets him take a few heaving breaths and coughs, before he’s kicking at him, forcing him back to his feet.

the young man takes him up the elevator, weaves him through a hallway as chuuya leaves a scattering of bodies in his wake, not hesitating to kill a single man that gets in his way. there is nothing that can keep him from you. 

how fiercely and loyally he loves you — it drives him to near insanity. 

finally, with blood coating his face and his clothes, the young man enters a room, locked with a code, revealing you. 

chuuya’s rage is almost as blinding as his corruption, as he gazes at the sight of you. bloodied and bruised, tied up in a chair, so visibly harmed. his hands clench into fists. “get the fuck away from her,” he says to the man who seems to be monitoring you.

“what are you doing in here?” the men left in the room panic, but they don’t have time to react before chuuya throws them back at the wall, so quickly, with so much force, that their spines snap. they hit it with a sharp crack, skulls shattering against the plaster, the wall crushing beneath the weight of them. 

limply, they fall to the floor. 

chuuya rushes over to you. 

the young man that led him here disappears, but chuuya isn’t worried about him. he’s a coward; he’ll likely flee from the country and never look back. the men that truly hurt you are already dead, and he’ll burn this building to the ground once he’s gotten you away from it. 

“hey,” chuuya says, cradling your cheeks gently, trying to coax you back awake. he’s not sure if it’s exhaustion, blood loss, or the obvious head trauma that caused you to pass out in the first place. but you’re still breathing, so he counts that as a blessing. 

“hey,” he whispers again, kissing your forehead, like it will heal all your ailments. “wake up, baby. we gotta get you out of here, okay?” 

it takes you a few seconds to come to, eyes glazed over and shell-shocked as you blink at him. “chuuya?” you say; your voice is so hoarse it makes chuuya want to keel over and vomit. “is it really you?” 

guilt gnaws at him, almost crushing, at the fact that thirty-six hours passed, and you’re delirious enough not to recognize him. you probably haven’t eaten, either. 

he should’ve been there. no one should’ve ever had the chance to hurt you, yet…

“it’s me, i’m here,” he says, kissing your lips, your temple, brushing your hair away from your face. the strands are sticky with blood. “shit,” chuuya nearly shouts, pulling a knife from his pocket, sawing through the thick ropes around you as quickly as he can. “i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry.” 

he can’t get you free fast enough, and you smile at him, drowsy, your eyes fluttering shut once more. “it’s okay, chuuya,” you say, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you’re here now.” 

“you have to stay awake,” he says desperately, realizing your head is still bleeding. he doesn’t know how hurt you are. chuuya’s no expert when it comes to medicine, but he’s smart enough to know that internal injuries could be even worse than the external ones. 

“stay awake for me, okay, honey? i’ll get you back to the boss and we’ll find you a doctor. you’ll be just fine.” 

“okay, chuuya,” you hum, weakly gripping his back. seconds of silence pass before you mutter, “i just want to go home.” 

"i know." his heart pulls, and he almost lets out a cracked sob. but he refrains, knowing that there is plenty of time to drown in his sorrows later. 

finally, he gets the ropes under, lifting you from the chair. you’re so much lighter, weaker, and it makes him sick as he carries you. “let’s get you home.” 

𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐖𝐀. . .

the call comes just as akutagawa is getting ready to head home for the evening, his tasks completed, eyes heavy with exhaustion. 

normally, he doesn’t stick around to say any goodbyes, sneaking off into the darkness of the night like a shadow, blending right in. but, something about the evening, so gloomy and drizzly with spring rain, feels off. 

with a heavy knot in his chest, so much different than an incoming fit of coughs, akutagawa heads back up to mori’s office, if perhaps to only ensure that everyone else’s jobs had been completed. he’s a lot of things, but he’s never been a slacker; and he’ll do what it takes to ensure that his position in the mafia is eternally secure.

though, he doesn’t have the opportunity to get all the way upstairs before he run into the boss, who is calm, but with an air of irritation clouding him. 

he explains the current situation to akutagawa in a clipped tone, bored — an enemy group has kidnapped you, holding you hostage. 

“how rude is it to bother a man, just as he is getting ready to go to sleep?” mori says, sighing histrionically.

but what is a minor inconvenience to mori sends an entire wave of dread through akutagawa, his entire body feeling as if it’s been dipped in ice. he can’t explain the horror that washes over him, not really, because he shouldn’t feel so panicked. it is rare for him to get worked up about the danger his subordinates find themselves in, save for his sister, of course. 

but you… you’re different. 

“can i trust you to diffuse the situation?” mori asks, impatiently glancing at his watch as if that will change anything. “i can call someone else, but they will not be so quick.” 

akutagawa doesn’t even think before he accepts the job, hating the way he sounds pathetically desperate for more details. his hands flatten the edge of his cloak, as if his ability is going to take on a mind of its own. 

he calls for a driver, calm but breathing so heavily that an aching cough rises up in him. his throat feels as if it may begin to bleed, but he swallows, glances away from the driver and gets himself under control.

there’s a ransom — bring them the money and they’ll return you, mori had told him. you’re only a lower ranking member of the mafia, and someone that makes for a pretty poor bargaining chip, so the motive is questionable. 

mori probably would’ve let you die, akutagawa knows, his teeth gritting together, so much so that a splintering sound comes from it. but the boss, in his infinite, concerning wisdom, seems to also know that his loyal dog has an soft spot for you. 

as regrettable as that may be.

akutagawa has no doubt that whoever the enemy is, they are no match for him. still, a twinge of anxiety settles in his stomach, fingers jittery as the driver, despite the decreased traffic of the hour, seems to drive impossibly slow. 

“are we not in a rush?” akutagawa snaps, leaning forward.

“apologies,” the driver, says, not daring to even look at akutagawa from the mirror. but the car speeds up, enough for akutagawa to be able to notice, at least. it cools the simmer that has already begun deep in his chest.  

even so, the car seems to go at a snails pace, minute upon minute flying by, with you in the clutches of an enemy. 

akutagawa doesn’t care who they are. he doesn’t care why, or how they captured you. he wants them dead. he’ll rip them apart, easily, and he’ll make them suffer — they’ll be alive for all of it, for every second that he peels the skin from their bones, ripping the smaller ones out of their sockets. 

what he feels for you… well, it’s too hard for him to admit to himself. he has no experience with what it means to care for another person, doesn’t even know if that’s his goal. he just knows he wants to protect you.

and he can’t do that if you’re dead.

finally, the car pulls up to an old warehouse, one at the very outskirts of the port, beyond the docks and the shipping carts. it’s tucked far back, an obvious lair for some villainous organization that doesn’t want to be found. 

akutagawa gets there, but there is nothing. he hears nothing, feels no signs of life as he trudges through the puddles left behind from the earlier rain. 

a small string of panic begins again, as he wondered if maybe the call that mori had told him was only a ruse. maybe this entire time had been a distraction, a way to lure him away. there are other skill-users in the mafia, but none quite as dangerous as him. 

though, he hears it, then. a small little sound, muffled and hoarse, full of pain. 

he ducks into another corner of a warehouse, and you’re there — bound with chains and a gag across your mouth, one of your eyes blackened with bruises, your nose bleeding. 

his heart aches. never in his life has he so quickly made his way over, used the sharp edges of his ability to shear through the chains, falling to his knees as he unbinds the cloth from your lips. 

“where are they?” he rasps, mouth opening and closing, hating the sound of his own voice. he recognizes his desperation, his anger, but the affectionate sound that clips at the end is unfamiliar, as he shakily pulls himself closer to you. 

you glance up at him, eyes glossy and wide, and though you are scared, hurt, he’s so thankful you are alive. his heart flips once, as you grasp at his cloak, the material that has the blood of so many staining the threads. 

“gone,” you say, throat chalky, words nothing more than a note against the wind. “they fled when they heard it was you coming.” 

“and left you?” he asks, jaw clenching, as he hopes that the emotions aren’t as visible on his features as he thinks they are. “were you not a ransom?” 

“no,” you swallow, hard, as if in pain. he notices bruises around your neck, the shape of fingerprints indented there. “i was bait.”

anger rises up in him like a wave, engulfing him, wholly and relentlessly. he is no stranger to that, like he is the kindness you show him, the way you look at him as if he is your protector, rather than a bringer of destruction. “i’ll go after them. where are they headed? they’ll pay, i’ll slaughter—”

“ryunosuke,” you say, reaching for him as he stands, expression pleading as he backs away. “stay.” 

he has half a mind to ignore you — the enemy escaped, after all. but your voice. your eyes… you look so small sitting there, bloodied and bruised and broken. 

“please,” you try again, near tears, and though he has never been good with obvious displays of emotion, something within him snaps at the desperation in the word. 

he nods, slowing his pace as he returns to you, lets you wrap yourself in him, cling to him. his hands fall, naturally, to your waist, somehow knowing where they belong, even if akutagawa never has a clue what he’s doing with you. 

“i’ll call hirotsu,” he says simply, before pulling out his phone, not bothering to untangle himself from you. 

𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 . . .

dazai is not a forgiving man, and will never learn to be. forgiveness is not a luxury he is often able to indulge in in his line of work, and his heart has hardened enough that until the end of time, those that are branded his enemies will remain his enemies. 

though, in his blackened heart, one soured over the course of time, you have carved out your own little space, lit it up with golden rays of light that are fiery enough to melt the stone casing of his chest. 

his only love — his only weakness. but it is a weakness that his enemies know about as well. 

dazai tries his best to keep you safe. he always has, and he knows that, sometimes, his grasp on you can be a little too tight. that the way he tries to keep you under his watchful eye can sometimes be stifling, frustrating. 

but he can’t always be there to protect you. and it is in times like these, that he regrets letting you go without a bodyguard. he regrets that he listened to your insistence that you could keep yourself safe. 

he should’ve at least told you to take a friend. 

“boss,” his subordinate says, bowing his head, his voice pleading, desperate. “i’m so sorry. your wife—”

“if anything… anything happens to her, you will be the one responsible, do you understand?” dazai says, his eyes cold as he glowers down at the man, only a few inches shorter than him, but feeling so much smaller. “i will personally see that this act does not go unpunished.” 

“of course, sir,” the man says, and he, at the very least, has the decency to sound resigned. to accept his fate and suffer the consequences, for allowing the boss’s wife to get herself into such a situation. 

and dazai means it, every last word; if he finds you in a state closer to death, anyone who put you in harm’s way will be torn apart from the inside out. he isn’t able to think of anything but bringing you home safely, his hands shaking with rage as he sends more than enough people out on a search to find you. 

with all the strings he’s able to pull as the mafia boss, it doesn’t take long to find you, for those that have bravely — or stupidly — used his wife as bait to come forward, and offer an attempt at some sort of negotiation. 

there’s little of the conversation that dazai remembers on the phone, even less that he remembers after that. the anger bubbles up in him and grabs hold of his conscience, the emotion directing his movements with a mind of its own. 

he’s already sent out every last one of his people into the field, ensuring that the organization that had the gall to threaten you is wiped off the face of the earth. deleted from every corner of the world, buildings flattened to the ground. by tomorrow, they won’t have ever existed. 

today, he doesn’t care what happens as long as he finds you alive. 

you’re held hostage by two men — so completely beaten that they’ve given up on any restraints. whatever they wanted from you, you seemed to refused to have given up, lip bleeding, eyes swelling so badly that you can’t even open them. 

dazai doesn’t hesitate before pulling the trigger on the first man, then turning to the other, shooting the hand that holds the pistol. the man recoils, shouts, and drops the weapon completely, as dazai lands another bullet to his knee, causing him to fall. 

slowly, dazai walks up, firing again to his other arm, a loud snap echoing throughout the room. the man winces, trying to crawl to the gun, one last desperate attempt to stay alive. 

he kicks the gun away, watching, as, pathetically, the expression in the enemy’s face changes — any of his remaining hope vanishes. 

“you told me she was unharmed,” dazai says, bending down, his coat flaring out behind him as he squats. 

the man coughs, gasping for air as the blood seeps out of him. “we lied.” he smiles cruelly, and though he shares the same sort of darkness as those in the port mafia, there is something even more twisted in his smile. 

dazai hums. “you the leader?” 

the man doesn’t give an answer, but the slight twitch of surprise on his face is all dazai needs. he’s no one — just a grunt whose life was put on the line to guard you. 

“didn’t think so.” dazai shoots him once, straight through the forehead, instantly killing him. but he is vindictive, angry, and the man he truly wants to destroy, the one who took you, is nowhere to be found. another bullet lands, tearing apart the flesh of his temple, then another, and one more, his skull beginning to cave in from the force of it all. 

dazai heaves, letting the gun clatter to the ground as it runs out of bullets, and then he realizes, all this time, you’ve just been watching him. the ugliest side of him — the worst side of him. 

you’re no stranger to it, of course. how can you be, when you’ve shared a life with him for years? but that doesn’t mean he wants you to see it, see how bloodthirsty he can become. 

he stumbles over to you, where you’re still sitting on the ground, your wrist in your lap, bent at an angle that he knows isn’t right. bruises are littered across your skin, and your hair is matted from the blood that pools at your temple. 

it takes every ounce of restraint he has to stay calm, a million feelings swirling under his skin. ones that he was never familiar with until he met you. 

“i’m sorry,” he says, taking your face in his hands so, so softly, worried that he’ll hurt you even more. “i’m sorry, darling. i should’ve — i should’ve been there.” dazai notices his hands are shaking and he balls them up into fists, leaning back. “fuck. fuck — i’ll kill them all, just tell me who it was. anyone who laid a finger on you. i’ll cut them down one by one.” 

“osamu,” you say, and your voice is raspy, cracking, as your unbroken arm reaches for him, squeezing his shaking hand. “i—”

you open your mouth to continue, but only tears come streaming down your cheeks, over your bloodied lips, saltiness soaking your jawline. no words don’t leave you, but a soft sob chokes itself up your throat.

“hey, hey, hey.” dazai’s voice softens, every muscle in his body relaxing as he draws you nearer to him, into his chest with a touch that’s barely there. “you’re safe. i’m here, okay? they’re not going to hurt you again, sweetheart.” 

you sniffle, barely making a sound, but he can feel the tears drop onto his clothes, soaking the material.

“can you walk? are you hurt anywhere else?” 

you hesitate for a moment before answering; he’s not sure if there’s a reason you only answer the first question. “i can walk.” 

dazai nods, and though the rage is still bubbling there, underneath the surface, there is a coolant streaming through him at the vision of you alive. the men who did this will pay the price, but he still has you — and that’s all that matters.

thank you for reading !!! ❤︎

[nyxi-pixie]

'omg dazai treating akutagawa like he did literally makes no sense he just did it because he sucks and i hate him for it'

can we. have a conversation about this without being fucking stupid please. yes dazai fucks him up and its really awful and sucks so bad. yes it isnt necessary for akutagawa's improvement. but like everything with bsd, theres nuance to it that you are ignoring.

the initial meeting between dazai and aku is aku wanting a reason to live and dazai wanting to give him one. a repeat of what mori wanted to give him. (this does not mean those two relationships are the exact same. please guys. please things are different sometimes). Now. dazai assumes the way to give aku a desire to live is to give him purpose. he ISNT training aku to be a mindless killer - thats literally the Opposite of what hes doing. he wants aku to be More than a sword without a sheath. hes teaching aku to be efficient. not just killing people, being smart about it. being what the mafia wants. giving him a purpose through making him useful.

it also probably comes back to the fact that dazai is WRONG about what made him want (barely) to live. he believes it comes from being surrounded by death, thus making the mafia the perfect place for him. booo hes stupid boo hes wrong!! bc it doesnt. hes bored by it and he says that directly in dark era. that he thought being around death would content him with life and it HASNT. bc he was wrong in fifteen. he didnt suddenly become interested in life bc he was doing violence and masterminding for the mafia. it was bc Someone intrigued him.

dazais whole problem stems from apathy, he wants to die because hes Bored with life. nothing interests him. Except people. so he meets chuuya in fifteen and is Interested by him. and that happens to coincide with his first mission for the mafia so he thinks its the death aspect. but it isnt. and we see this repeated with the other people he cares about (oda and ango most obviously). dazais motivations for his plans arent fucking around w death for his own personal entertainment. its looking after his friends. thats the same no matter what canon material ur looking at. and that same reason is why hes alive.

his misinterpretation of that leads him to be wrong abt aku too. aku needs people, he needs a gentle hand to develop best (beast). dazai says himself that aku needs to find someone to be his sheath and that dazai cant be that person (he doesnt know how to be). ofc, the sheath is eventually atsushi and now that we see aku gain strength both with his ability, with strategic thinking, and just emotionally in general its bc of the development hes gone under w atsushi. but guess what? this is more to the thing of bsd being based on human connection. dazais alive bc of the people he cares for. aku does better around people he cares for.

this isnt to say dazais actions are at all justified, and thats not the point of this. bsd is full of grey characters. but i do wish that u guys at least understood the dynamic u want to complain about.

[shall-we-die]

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{Kill}

Would they kill for revenge?

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↬[Fandom]•⊰ {Bungo Stray Dogs}࿐

↬[Warnings]•⊰ {Angst}࿐

☰[Main list]•⊰ ────┈┈{0060}┈─╮

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╰┈➤Likes/Reblogs are appreciated࿐

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↬|Atsushi|

Atsushi is a kind-hearted person who has a strong sense of justice and ethics.

He believes in protecting those who cannot protect themselves and he has a deep respect for life.

While he may act impulsively due to his emotions, it's very unlikely that Atsushi would kill someone for his significant other in revenge.

Instead, he would probably try to find a peaceful resolution to the problem.

If pushed into a corner though, he would defend his loved one and might resort to lethal force if necessary, but killing is not something he desires or enjoys doing.

Atsushi is more inclined to defend and protect what he believes in than to take a life.

Killing is not something he takes lightly and it's something that goes against his moral beliefs.

If he finds himself unable to prevent a threat without using lethal force, he would likely do everything in his power to try and find an alternative solution, even if it means putting himself at risk.

Atsushi cares deeply about life and values the sanctity of human life, believing that life is a gift that should be treasured.

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↬|Dazai|

Dazai would probably not have a problem doing that if his S/O asked. If he found out that his S/O was in trouble, he will be like a lion protecting his mate.

He won't hesitate to kill anyone who threatens his partner. If someone has hurt his S/O in any way, Dazai won't let them get away with it.

And if anyone tries to hurt or manipulate his S/O, it will be their ultimate mistake. He won't stop until he makes sure his S/O is out of danger.

His S/O knows he has the skills to handle it. (He is an ex-mafia member after all) He is very protective of his S/O, and if anyone crosses the line by hurting them, he'll make them wish they were never born.

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↬|Chuuya|

Chuuya would most likely want revenge if someone has hurt his S/O, be it emotional or physical hurt. But he might stop if the S/O says he'd rather not get revenge.

If someone hurts his S/O, I'd imagine his reaction would be pretty extreme. Like, he'd go feral and would most likely stop at nothing to kill the person that hurt his partner.

He isn't the best at taking care of someone when they are sick or hurt. He can be pretty good at calming someone down if they are having a panic attack or anxious though, as he can help ground them and guide them back to reality.

I'd imagine if he gets really close to his S/O he'd start to get a bit softer and more gentle, and become more sentimental. So when s/o tells him to stop, chuuya will stop.

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↬|Akutagawa|

Akutagawa's loyalty towards his s/o is absolute, and if someone causes them harm, he would not hesitate to take revenge, even if it means resorting to lethal force.

While he values loyalty and trust in a relationship, his ruthless nature and dedication to his responsibilities might lead him to make extreme decisions if push comes to shove.

Ultimately, his actions will depend on the circumstances and how deeply he feels for his s/o.

If his s/o were ever in danger or harmed, Akutagawa would go to extreme lengths to protect them. This could include resorting to violence or even killing individuals he perceives as threats to their safety.

He is fiercely protective and would do whatever it takes to ensure their well-being. However, it's important to note that his tendency to act impulsively and violently might also put his partner in harm's way unintentionally.

Despite this, he genuinely cares for his s/o and would try his best to make them happy.

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↬|Tetchou|

Tetchou isn’t a violent man usually, but if someone were to hurt his s/o, he’s going to get extremely aggressive.

If said s/o were to be killed, Tetchou will not hesitate to revenge his partner, and to the point of potentially killing his s/o’s aggressor.

He’d also blame himself for not being there for his s/o when they needed him most, and he would have a hard time letting go of the dead lover, to the point of visiting their graves regularly and keeping momentos related to them on him in the form of jewellery.

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↬|Jouno|

Yes, he'll kill in revenge. Though he tries to hold control, once he's pushed over the line, he'll go absolutely feral and slaughter anyone and anything in his way.

He is quite possessive of his s/o, the thought of someone hurting them makes his blood boil.

He gets incredibly envious of others talking to his s/o and will become extremely clingy.

He can a bit much, can't he?

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↬|Fyodor|

Yes, he definitely would. Fyodor is a possessive and protective man, after all.

He won't hesitate if it means protection for his loved one. He would probably do it in a very discrete way, not get caught and try his best to avoid any evidence.

But overall, yes, he would kill that bastard in revenge without hesitation.

(I have never used the word ''kill'' so many times like this, damn.)

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↬|Nikolai|

Ah, revenge for his special person.. I would say yes. Nikolai would kill for his s/o if they were hurt.

He is a man of chaos and insanity, but he values love and compassion. So any hurt towards his loved one would be answered with revenge.

If someone hurts his s/o, Nikolai becomes enraged. He loses his usual playful demeanor and becomes a dangerous force to be reckoned with.

He will stop at nothing to confront the person responsible and ensure they never harm his s/o again.

He may toy with them, playing mind games and using his theatrical skills to torment them.

For Nikolai sees his lover as the most valuable thing in the world, and anyone who threatens them is an enemy.

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↬|Sigma|

If only he was absolutely confident and certain that he wouldn't get caught or punished for it...

And he would do so as efficiently and painlessly as possible.

He wouldn't want to leave someone on death's door, making them suffer more than necessary.

However, he would kill for self preservation or for the preservation of another who is defenseless.

He won't stand idly as they are put in danger, especially knowing he himself is capable of protecting those around him.

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[hopefull-mindset]

A Much Needed Overview

I’ve been brought to a point of feeling the need to discuss the abuse depicted in Bungou Stray Dogs. This isn’t the brightest topic to speak about and I understand why people are reluctant to speak in detail about something as serious as this. It’s not easy, so I’ll be the brave face today because I feel disappointed about the lack of deep discussion beyond the popular topic of “The Abuse Cycle”.

I’m happy that it’s at least brought up amongst everyone as something that exists, I’m happy that people feel as though it’s something to talk about, but I don’t think most understand how to act about it. It’s never as cut and dry as how it’s depicted in most other pieces of media or how people speak about it in general. That is why I am thankful for its depiction here. Not saying that nobody speaks about it with clarity, but it’s not the majority, unfortunately.

I especially felt this was a good time to address this because of the reaction towards Asagiri’s thoughts on Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship in the recent magazine interview. The outrage is not from nowhere, I was also taken aback at first, but to claim Asagiri “doesn’t even know his own story” is incredibly self-entitled considering the story isn’t done, nor are you the one writing this. If you read the story, no way is Asagiri justifying anything that happened. Please look at the question that is being asked, does it say “Do you think what Dazai did is morally right?” Of course, it isn’t.

Not to be rude but before you start questioning the writer himself if he’s read his own story, have you read it? Please keep in mind the fact this is only a magazine interview and doesn't reflect every nuance. Asagiri doesn't need to go “Oh yeah, this thing that’s bad is bad” every two seconds to explain himself. Asagiri’s writing decisions can be questionable and cannot be uncritiqued, but I’m going to have to defend him on this account.

I’m not sure if any warnings are needed concerning the subject matter considering most BSD fans know what I’m about to go over, but to be clear, please only read this when you’re in a well enough headspace for heavy matters such as this. I am not going to be talking lightly in any of this or dance around what’s happened between any of the characters, abuse is harder to talk about compared to other acts of violence that are objectively worse because it’s a more personal act that too many can find themselves in.

Finally, I do not want to speak about my own experiences online because I’ve only come to terms recently with it and they do not reflect everyone’s response to depictions of abuse in all media. Some things are very uncomfortable to admit about me that I haven’t told anyone, that no one would be able to take well even if they were my closest friend. This isn’t about me at all and there is no point in saying more about my reality, but I think my perspective might help people enlighten themselves on how truly complicated situations like this are.

What is Abuse?

Surprise, we need to go over this before any discussion about BSD happens because a lot misunderstand what abuse is. It's disheartening that the term has been so simplified that nobody knows what it means anymore. Don't substitute words for abuse or use abuse as a substitute for other terms. Abuse as a concept is quite hard to pin down with words and there are many ways to describe it, but by definition in the context that it’s directed to another person, abuse is:

To target and mistreat someone, causing them harm or distress in a repetitive manner

This by itself does not describe the grand scope of everything and probably might make you more confused, but it’s a great place to start and does describe what is directed to the victim. Many sources will use varied wording, but it’s the general knowledge that someone is being hurt to a fundamental level that makes it abuse.

Does the abuser need to intentionally hurt someone for it to be abused? Yes, but not in the way you think. Most abusers are not hurting their victims for the sake of just hurting them, that’s illogical, they’re doing it for something. Some examples include either for themselves in some way or what they think is for their victim’s “own benefit”. Even worse is when they genuinely believe it because they’ve also grown up in an environment that has that same mentality and reflects on themselves.

So yes, it’s intentional in that they’re doing it for a purpose. No matter their intention though, “selfless” or not, it’s still a selfish act in itself that they think that imposing their own will through harmful methods is what the victim needs. The abuse doesn’t need to be physically harming another for it to be abuse. As long as it’s harming you emotionally or otherwise and making you raise flags in your head, it’s abuse.

It sounds strange, but I'm saying it’s intentional because you’re still an intended target of their abuse whether they realize it themself or not. Abuse needs to repeat a form of distress in you to be abuse. For example, does one instance of physical violence against you count as abuse when it never happens again? Well, you need to think about the context. Usually, this would just be assault and that’s it, but is it left hanging in the air to happen again when you interact with them? Do you feel afraid for your well-being, even though it doesn’t happen again?

That’s still abuse, the psychological kind. Typically when abusers resort to physical means, it’s gonna happen again eventually. In this hypothetical instance, however, the point is that repeated distress does not mean repeated actions. It does not need to happen the same way for you to feel unsafe, it just needs to have power over you. Manipulation does not always equal abuse either. It’s a tactic used by abusers, but unless paired up with other actions, it doesn’t fit the criteria of abuse. Context matters when you examine what abuse is.

Here comes the tricky parts that are acknowledged less: When the abuser is someone you’ve relied on in your childhood, in a detrimental part of your life, or someone you care about that you put importance in, and it makes it hard to fully hate that person. What the abuser has done to the victim does not entirely reflect them as people, even if it’s still an important part of them that needs to be addressed.

Abusive people are not only defined by their awful actions, they’re not pure monsters like most love to pretend they are. It’s just easier to think that because accepting that they’re just a multifaceted human being hurts too much when you’re on the receiving end of their worse behavior. But what happens when you’re on the receiving end of both? You try to justify it the way the abuser is because you can’t accept that what’s happening is bad and not something everyone goes through. After all, they treat you decent enough sometimes.

Something so many people need to get into their heads already is that abusers can be victims and vice versa, but just because your abuser went through something themselves or is important to you, doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. Abuse is not forgivable just like that, you can rebuild a relationship beyond that if you’re able to, It’s not a “forgive-and-forget” thing.

Not everyone experiences and responds to abuse the same way, some hate their abusers fully, some can’t bring themselves to, and some don’t even know what to think, but there are so many who don’t feel one way that regarding all abusers as heartless monsters completely invalidates so many stories and their difficult experiences. I have a huge grudge against people like this who restrict abusive situations to just looking like one thing, this is why so many don’t even know that their situations are abusive.

Portrait of a Father

Chapter 39 reflects my points the most, and at the same time, it also turns out to be one of the most controversial chapters. It surprised me that it is, but maybe I shouldn’t be considering how most people on the internet act about abuse. It’s a lovely chapter to me personally and one of my favorites.

If you need a refresher, this is the chapter the Orphanage Director died in and leaves Atsushi in an emotional frenzy about what to think and believe. I know that the underlying message of this chapter is confusing to some, but it hit me in the face point blank on how this is about facing your abuser’s death without any personal conclusion with them.

Being sent on an investigation, Atsushi, after finding out the body was the Director, is stunned and scared because he knows nothing of the director other than his cruelty. He immediately assumes the worst and that he was coming after him again. Atsushi’s thoughts against him are entirely… on purpose in the director’s intentions because we find out that he has gone through so much violence and loss himself that he’s projecting his own will onto Atsushi and making sure he’d “survive in the real world”. So he became his first figure of hate and violence earlier in his life so he’d be “prepared for what comes next”.

I know so many take the backstory for the director as a way to justify what he did to Atsushi in the narrative, but it was just to put into context why he was so cruel. Abusers are never cruel for no reason, that never makes it right, but it’s reality. Atsushi was not the only one in the orphanage who was treated badly, he was singled out by the director most likely for an ability he couldn't control because the headmaster knew he’d get the most trouble for it, and unfortunately… he was right.

Akutagawa being his informant in this chapter makes perfect sense. He can see that what the director was for Atsushi is what Dazai is for him. No matter how terrible their actions were, it’s what kept them alive for so long. It’s not pleasant to confront, is it? Atsushi agrees because when he gets the information that the Director was going to congratulate him with the flowers he was going to buy by selling the gun he had on him, he freaks out. No way the guy he was raised so long to hate, the guy who put him through so much suffering, was going to congratulate him.

I know to some, Dazai’s talk with Atsushi sounded like he was justifying what happened because “it made him a good person in the end”, but that’s not what’s being said. This conclusion I’ve seen some people come to about this conversation confuses me. Dazai is just saying the obvious, you guys get all shocked and it weirds me out how easily it’s been glossed over that the reason Atsushi is so self-sacrificial and trying to do the good thing is because of the director. The reason he puts himself so much on the front lines is because he needs that worth in being good to live and prove the director wrong, he was raised to see that type of person is the most ideal person to live in this world.

After everything that’s been dumped onto him in such a short time, so much inner conflict of what to think of a dead man he no longer can have any personal closure with, he asks Dazai what face he should make, what he should think at this moment. Dazai tells him that they’re his emotions and he can think however he’d like, but commonly someone cries when their father dies. So he cries, because ultimately no matter his treatment, no matter the intent and its effects, it’s still the man who raised him. It’s flawed, but that’s what a father is stripped bare at its core definition and that won’t change no matter your feelings.

Now that I’m done summarizing this chapter and making sure you guys understood the point and how it spells out their relationship, I can finally talk freely about what was happening between them. When it comes to familial abuse, generational trauma is so prevalent it’s hard not to talk about. The director is quite reflective of so many parents who were raised to grow up too early in harsh environments, that they think they need to prepare their children for it too, even though it’s no longer needed.

You don’t need to like someone for them to be important to you, especially if it’s a parent in your life or someone close to that. That’s why Atsushi cries. He cries for the director, he cries for himself, he cries that it’s finally over, he cries for the kindness he could’ve gotten even if it wouldn’t have fixed anything, he cries for the father that never was, he cries because his father is dead. It’s perfectly normal to keep someone close in your heart that wasn’t perfect and to grieve their death.

Was the director successful in what he was aiming for? I want to say no, but he did. He succeeded in making Atsushi think of others in a good light and do good for them, making Atsushi resent him, and giving him the ability to keep going. Hell raised him right, but it was still hell. The problem is that his teachings were based on degrading Atsushi into being nothing but a life he should put aside in favor of others. Even if he continued hating the director like he wanted, he would still degrade himself for being a coward who didn’t hold himself to those standards. The result is not perfect because the director is not perfect, but in his position, this is a success.

The director for a while was his shadow of negative encouragement when he joined the agency, what kept him going in those moments, because he was what defined good, bad, and justice for him in his entire childhood. Even if he was dead, he’d still linger in his mind. I can’t parse out what to think about these hallucinations forming Akutagawa and Dazai to guide him later on, all it tells me is that he still can’t rely on or trust himself and he needs more development in his self-image issues.

I see why fans are confused, hell raising us right is a bizarre thing to say to a victim, so let me show you a perspective you're not seeing. Let's imagine you have an abusive mother who only wants you to be prepared for the things you're undoubtedly going to experience because of what you can't control. What she did does help you, but all that goes through your head is “Why couldn't she have done it differently without my own suffering?” The only thoughts that come rushing back when you think of those memories are the unnecessary pains. It takes a lot for a victim to acknowledge this on their own, they want to push back at the past so they don't have to see this plain reality.

Like anyone else that I’m going to bring up in this post, just because the abuse made them who they are or affected who they became, even when it keeps us going through life and benefits us in some way, does not make the abuse justified. Abuse is still abuse, I addressed this already and I hope not to address this again. I needed to detail an explanation because it’s quite easy to hate a man you know nothing about and has been painted in nothing but a bad light. The anger against the director is undebatable because abuse is not debatable, but to pretend the cruelty was nothing but for cruelty’s sake is mischaracterizing both him and Atsushi.

You can’t pick and choose what’s been told to you in the text just because you don’t like a character and lack the maturity for it. It gets quite hard to do that sort of thing when it’s a character you‘ve grown to care about, it’s no wonder Dazai is divided between so many. Speaking of Dazai, his involvement in this makes as much sense as Akutagawa’s. He’s currently in a mentor position for Atsushi, no matter what Akutagawa says, and shows interest in his development. So of course he’s going to purposely stick his head into something that would affect Atsushi greatly. Both Akutagawa and Dazai are viewing this through their lenses as people who grew up in the darkness of society, and it’s not that Dazai thinks what happened to him wasn’t terrible, you should have eyes to read the panels provided, but he’s generally unfazed and able to sound neutral because he’s used to that cruelty.

The Port Mafia’s Environment

(Aka: is it really “all Mori’s fault” or is it just the product of being literally in The Mafia™?)

I’ll go over the “Cycle of Abuse” in a second, but please keep in mind that you can’t just blame everything on Mori. Just like the Director, it’s so easy to pin the guy who’s just been the worst for every problem there, but it decimates the other characters involved as well and makes what they’ve gone through go flat because you’re restricting it to a misinformed presumption.

To make a bold statement, I need you to completely throw away your idea of what the abuse cycle is. The Mori to Kyouka pipeline being the singular “Abuse Cycle”? Garbage, needs to go away too. I've seen many fans use the term “Cycle of Abuse” too carelessly, and while from afar the way they're using it is not technically wrong, they have the wrong thought process behind it.

The Cycle of Abuse is simply the patterns of what keeps us in an abusive dynamic and negative mental state, either with an individual or environment, and makes it incredibly hard for anyone to leave. It’s not the actions you take that make it the Cycle of Abuse, and it's not just one straight line of people going through similar motions. You don’t have to be someone’s abuser to be the one who keeps them there, if you feed into it you’re still a problem. Even if you don't actively add to it yourself, just staying there as a bystander and not trying to do anything to change it or speak up for the victim when you clearly could also still make you responsible. Just with your presence, it validates what they've gone through as normal.

If you need more of an explanation, two opposite examples include Higuchi & Akutagawa and Beast Kyouka & Atsushi. Higuchi is a traditional example in that she stays in the mafia because of her relationship with Akutagawa, and stays by his side for reasons unknown. What we do know is that she’s incredibly indebted to him enough to care for him to an extreme extent, but their relationship is abusive all the same. Beast Atsushi and Kyouka sounds strange for me to bring up, but this is an example of a non-abusive person contributing to the Cycle of Abuse. Instead of taking her out of an abusive situation, he brings her back in.

Many characters are a part of this main narrative of abuse in BSD, so it's not inaccurate to say Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka are a part of it as well using this definition as all of them are the reason or contributed to why someone was stuck in a negative, abusive situation or the victim themselves. I’m guessing none of you are genuinely referring to this though and are referring to intergenerational abuse, a repeating cycle of younger generations taking after their abusers when they're older, which is a completely different phenomenon. Both are referred to as cycles and have many commonalities, but it’s not the same. Not to sound like a total dick, but this barely even applies to them.

Not because the concept is based on familial relationships, it can happen with older figures in your life too, but because our oh-so-famous Abuse Cycle gang does not have that commonality to make that claim. They have narrative parallels, but that’s pretty much it. I will save what I have to say in their sections, but Mori and Akutagawa did not abuse Dazai and Kyouka respectively for this type of claim to have any legitimacy. Kyouka certainly broke a cycle, but not that kind since that would need her to continue it in the first place and then prevent her own experiences from even affecting the next child.

What do all Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka actually have in common? They are/were in the mafia, using their natural talents of cruelty for the underworld.

The Port Mafia resembles something of an abusive household or community that sees so much of what’s done to others there as normal, and constantly compares it to how it was with their old boss and thinks, “At least it wasn’t as bad as that.” It’s quite like the Orphanage Director’s thinking but on a larger scale. Does that make everyone in the Port Mafia abused? Nope, unlike most abusive communities, the Port Mafia is quite literally the mafia. Everyone is there for different reasons, at different ages, and different experiences. Everyone is taken advantage of in these situations, no matter the circumstances, but it doesn’t make them abused automatically.

So it’s hard to have a stance on anything about them being abusive other than the mentor situations in the Port Mafia don’t see abuse as abuse and just another way to teach their subordinates to survive in their world if they deem it necessary. Was Chuuya abused, either by Mori or Kouyou then? I’m going to have to say I can’t tell you that. We don’t have enough information on either of his dynamics with them to say that they’ve directly had any repetitive behaviors of direct harm against him specifically, and there's no reason for them to do so either. I’m not going to use the argument that “Chuuya doesn’t hate or fear them, so that must mean he wasn’t” because again, that type of response does not reflect so many situations.

Chuuya was still harmed by being in the Port Mafia as a teenager because nobody should have been surrounded by this much cruelty at that age. It doesn’t matter if he shows visible distress or not about the Port Mafia, he was just desensitized to it since his sheep days. So was he an abuse victim under the idea that being a child in the Port Mafia is abuse? That depends on who we’re speaking of, but in Chuuya’s situation, I'm going to have to say no as he's already internalized their mindset from his own experiences separate from the mafia. Keep in mind that it also still holds true that you can find family in situations like this, it’s not mutually exclusive. Some just find more comfort in what they’re used to than what would be better for them. Kyouka is a better example of someone being a victim of an abusive community.

A false claim I've seen made many times are the ones where they have it as if Mori is the mafia itself or that he made the mafia what it was. It shouldn’t be too surprising, but it’s the opposite. Mori already held flawed, heartless, calculative methods when in situations he thought required them. We’ve seen him as a soldier and an underground doctor, but we know nothing else about him outside of his cruelty, just like the headmaster. What he does is never for what he thinks is for his benefit, but for the sake of something larger. Whether it’s for the city, the country, or eventually, the Port Mafia.

The mafia is the first time he’s been put into a position of absolute leadership and is not yet accustomed to that at the beginning of Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen. He’s able to quickly fit the mold of a mafia boss, but there’s that bit of honesty that peaks through in this light novel in the first and last sections that’s ignored too quickly. First Mori complains about nothing going immediately right, questions himself about Dazai, and becomes genuinely stressed if it was the right decision to involve him, then confesses that he sees himself in Dazai to him (and him and Fukuzawa in Soukoku in private), and finally gives his honest take of leadership to Chuuya.

I already go over Mori as a character in one of my other posts and will speak more of him later on, so I don’t want to reiterate the same points, but here we have proof he has (albeit poor) humanity. He did not become the Port Mafia boss for his own selfish gain of power if you’ve forgotten, but because Natsume introduced him to becoming part of the Tripartite Framework to protect the city he loves, it’s where he’d excel best in this plan. The Port Mafia was already a shithole, Mori just made it livable again by becoming what an organized crime group needs.

It’s what makes the dynamic between Kouyou and him so intriguing because you have an abuse victim who has embraced the environment she was forced back into, but won’t let go of someone who’s proven to be more of a decent leader than her tormentor and can be relied on. For victims who couldn’t get help or realize they needed help, the easier path is to accept this is your life through some justification. While I said the Port Mafia resembles an abusive community, communities as such aren’t purely terrible and that’s what keeps them justifying it in their head. The family you have for yourself, whether it's a made one or the one you're born with, is what sticks for you.

Like it or not, Mori isn’t stupid. He takes risky gambles that backfire on him sometimes, but he’s good at his job. He’s brutal enough to prove his own against the people who didn’t think he should’ve been boss and outsiders who want to go against the Port Mafia, but he’s considerate enough towards his people and shows enough competency to be perfect for the job. He’s not a great human being, but what did you expect? He no longer had any room to express that humanity, he never had; there was no benefit from being a good person in his line of work.

The Heartless Cur

That looked like a great segue to talk about Dazai and Mori’s dynamic, but it’d benefit to go over Akutagawa first. For those who do acknowledge it as an abusive situation, Thank you for at least taking that step. Numerous don’t and it worries me at the state of what’s considered abuse vs. training. It may be both at times but don't excuse one for the other. Training needs formal consent and communication at some point during a session. Akutagawa is learning, but it’s the same as getting yelled at as a child for not doing your homework right, when again, you’re still just learning.

It might’ve been easier to see for those who do acknowledge it because of the visible physical abuse that happens, but let's not undermine the psychological abuse happening as well. Dazai has messed with his psyche on an abhorrent level through his degrading and threats, making him reliant to hear a single word of acknowledgment from his mouth. What happened to Akutagawa is beyond the mafia’s environment.

Akutagawa does not hate or want Dazai dead for what he’s done to him, but he does hold anger at the seeming abandonment he’s been put through… and at himself as well. Anger that he couldn't get to what Dazai wanted him to be before he suddenly left. So he proves himself by climbing the ranks and becoming someone feared. Spectacles of violence not because he enjoys the feeling of other’s suffering or the power over them, but to show Dazai that see? He's still worth looking at!

He stays in the mafia because he’s found a place there. Even if he could, there was no point in leaving the mafia after he disappeared because what would be left for him if he did? He will always be an unchangeable, horrific hound of the dark and there's no changing that in his mind. From an inference of his actions in the dungeon when they finally reunite one-on-one, he wanted to believe that he was above Dazai after all those years, but Dazai doesn't act impressed or scared or anything. After all that effort, he gets nothing but ridicule and mockery like he's back to being that little kid with an oversized coat too big for his body.

Worse is that he gets told that some new kid Dazai picked up, who didn't train to the extent he did to refine his abilities, is better than him somehow. He gets riled up and at first, takes out on Dazai, but all those threats about killing him and how he went against the mafia were empty. Even now he can't bring himself to hate Dazai, he needs his mentor to acknowledge him no matter what side he's on. He never let go of Dazai, his coat is proof enough of that. So he takes it out on the party that isn't responsible and is convinced he needs to overcome Atsushi to prove something to Dazai.

He doesn't hate Atsushi, not genuinely. He does the same when he’s told he’ll never compare to Odasaku, someone who objectively should’ve been the weakest member due to his status. He gets angry at Dazai’s words, gets angry at himself, then takes it out on the person mentioned, rinse and repeat. I’m not sure if I’m the only one to notice, but he genuinely believed that the meaningful life Dazai gave him laid in the mafia and being useful to its cause. He has no reason to be as loyal to the mafia if he didn't think this.

Dazai’s acknowledgment means more than just appreciation for his skills and strength, it means his life meant something by striving for being the strongest. It’s not about the acknowledgment at all. Whenever he critiques and shames Atsushi for how he lives his life, it just feels like he’s unknowingly shaming himself through him without having to acknowledge his wrongs. It makes me curious about how much the acknowledgment itself even matters to him and the validation it gives him to strive for this is an excuse to keep living so what he’s doing in the mafia even matters in the end. What counts as acknowledgment to him?

He's convinced his faults are what made Dazai turn away, he just doesn’t know how to do anything to fix it and can't fix it this late into the game. What does Dazai want from him other than being stronger? When Dazai directly asks him to do something important involving Atsushi, he’s confused. He has no reason to trust him to do these missions. He’ll take the chance to prove himself once and for all, but to be included means he's being acknowledged, so what gives? The number of times he visibly self-reflects can be counted on one hand because as soon as it shows, he goes back to justify his violence and ignores his faults.

As someone whose favorite character is Akutagawa, I’m disgusted that all people can take away from him is “Akutagawa is an obsessive fanboy that deserves no sympathy because of what he did to Kyouka” or “Akutagawa is a poor, miserable man that didn’t deserve what Dazai made him into and should be absolved of responsibility because it’s all Dazai’s fault”. Both are very shallow and very harmful to perpetrate as they continue the idea that a person can only be the abused or abuser. He's both and it's okay to admit that.

Quickly let’s clear up this: He is not the way he is because of Dazai.

What Dazai IS responsible for:

Akutagawa’s need for his constant approval and recognition

Akutagawa learning to hone his ability

Akutagawa’s toxic views of being useful

The reason Akutagawa’s still alive

The reason Akutagawa is the Mafia’s dog

What Dazai is NOT responsible for:

Everything else

Akutagawa’s lean toward violence, his one-track stubborn mindset, and his lone-wolf attitude are not a product of Dazai’s treatment, he’s always been that way because of his time in the slums. He got beaten down by adults frightened of his empty gaze, had to learn to protect himself and find something to eat to survive, helped take care of his sister Gin and his friends by himself, and everyone constantly dying around him. That’s the real reason his personality is like that. He is a victim of his circumstances in a society that deemed him worthless, so he also thinks of his life as worthless. That’s why Dazai means so much to him.

Dazai did not trick him into joining the mafia, Dazai expressed what he was going to go through was worse than what happened in the slums and gave Akutagawa an out that he could live a normal life with enough money, but he knew Akutagawa would not refuse because he still needed meaning in living, just like him. Gaining enough money to get by so he and his sister could get out of the slums would do nothing for him, he already felt that his life was worthless. He has no problem throwing it away at any time, he was gonna die young regardless because of his lung disease. It has manipulative undertones, but that's how Dazai usually is with even the people he cares about.

Akutagawa knows too well that a person needs a sign, someone to tell them it’s okay to keep going, and so does Dazai. Part of Dazai’s goal is to save Akutagawa from dying and give him a reason to live like he promised that day because he sees the potential that could come from his development. I don't want to sound like a dick again, but you’d have to be dense to think Akutagawa would still be dead by the end of this arc. He isn’t sending him off to his death, Dazai doesn’t know everything.

Even if he knew Akutagawa might die there, it's better than both Atsushi and Akutagawa dying at that moment. If Akutagawa didn’t want to die for him, he wouldn’t have, he chose to save Atsushi’s life. This is why I have to defend Asagiri. Let’s reread the interview together, to make it get across already.

(Twt link)

Q: Just like how Akutagawa and Atsushi's relationship has changed, I could feel the relationship between Dazai and Akutagawa moving forward too. Is it like what Akutagawa has said in Episode 3 of Season 5, that every order he has received from Dazai so far has been "a trial", "a part of a meaningfull life"?

First, the question being asked. They’re asking Asagiri about their relationship in the present, and how it’s developed. Akutagawa is no longer thinking he was abandoned by Dazai for a new, better student like he was made him believe, that was just to rile him up and interact with Atsushi more. Instead, he realizes that he’s not supposed to work against Atsushi, he’s supposed to work with him. How he decides to go about that battle with Fukuchi and whether or not he works with Atsushi like a partner is his trial. If this was Akutagawa before he met Atsushi, he would’ve no doubt escaped or might’ve thought defeating Fukuchi would prove himself to Dazai. He's not an obstacle to his meaningful life, his quest for a meaningful life lies with Atsushi.

Asagiri responds with:

Asagiri: Needless to say, Dazai is the most qualified person in this world to help Akutagawa grow. Dazai has a vision for Akutagawa's development, and he completely understands what it takes to achieve it. We, as obsevers, can only see bits and pieces of that vision. But I can at least say that Dazai's training plan has never been wrong.

Many find this answer questionable, I was stunned reading it myself. Asagiri is not wrong at all here though, Dazai is objectively the only person in this series who can find a way to help him. Atsushi is the endpoint, but Dazai has been guiding him to this point. Dazai himself said that he was planning to team them up the moment he met Atsushi, he was still thinking of him even after all these years. There are much scarier implications than thinking that Asagiri was wrong. It's that Dazai was doing everything intentionally to get Akutagawa’s mindset where it was. He didn't mess up with Akutagawa, he just couldn't personally teach him the skills he needed and chose a different route until he found something that could.

Asagiri is not saying the abuse was morally justified, but the intention behind it was not wrong in an objective stance. Dazai would know what to do the most because of his understanding of wanting to find meaning in living. Teenage Dazai couldn’t have achieved much by himself, even if he could understand since he also could not find meaning in life. That’s why he made him hang on to his every breath of validation so he would keep his faith in Dazai long enough for him to find a solution to this dilemma. The moment in life when he found Akutagawa was not ideal and he still did what he thought he had to do for him to survive in the mafia. Without his ability, he's incredibly weak and needs to be able to defend himself. A violent person could not have made another violent person unlearn their violence.

You could say he just wanted a weapon, but that’s not it, not even close. Many of you are stuck on the part that it was a suicidal teenager that picked Akutagawa up from the slums and that no way someone like that could teach another suicidal teenager anything, so it’s “comical that Asagiri thinks as though he’s the most qualified”. You’re not wrong in some sense, but this is still incredibly intelligent, “Black Wrath of the Port Mafia”, Osamu Dazai, and not just some suicidal teenager.

He’s also no longer a teenager. Right now we’re talking of Dazai in the present who’s grown and no longer needs to be how he was in the mafia, he has Atsushi now, someone who can help Akutagawa see what’s wrong in his outlook. The only thing he could’ve done back then was to shelter Akutagawa so he wouldn’t kill himself. It's horrible, but Dazai validating where he is now would do no good for either of them and fix nothing.

Q: What kind of person is Dazai to Akutagawa?

Asagiri: Actually, at the time of "The Dark Era", Dazai already spoke very highly of Akutagawa, as someone who would "become the Mafia's strongest skill user in the not-so-distant future". He just doesn't say that in front of Akutagawa himself. The reason he doesn't say it is that Dazai has to be "the presence that continues to give meaning to life" to Akutagawa. So far, that trial has been completely successful.

None of what Asagiri brings up is new information. He doesn’t say it in front of Akutagawa not to spite him, but if he gives these praises out too freely, he loses his distant, almost god-like presence in Akutagawa and will go back to being just a lone wolf with no exceptions that will carelessly get himself killed. Without any goal, he’s lost. Just like Atsushi and the headmaster and how Atsushi hinges on proving he can do a good thing to motivate his life, Akutagawa similarly hinges on the fact that if he fails, he won’t get Dazai’s approval.

However, his death was not fully about Dazai’s approval in the way he's been preaching. In chapter 87, he mentions Dazai’s approval like always, and when they fail the first time even after trusting and working with each other as Shin Soukoku should, It hits him. What came into his head I cannot parse out at the moment, but his actions speak so much louder than any explanation we could've gotten. Of course, he's helping Atsushi escape, but what does he do for that? He used his ability on his shirt, and not just on the coat like he typically does.

It doesn't seem like a big deal at first, he could've always done that, but when was the last time he used it on something that wasn't the coat Dazai gave him? The coat means many things. His new beginning, his path in being Dazai’s student and successor (as that was also Mori’s coat), but it also conveys Dazai’s will that keeps him alive and that he's only strong with his coat. Without it, he's defenseless, so he clings to this coat the exact way he clings to those orders. It's his encouragement to keep going when Dazai isn't there. This overwhelming, suffocating responsibility, an oversized coat, is a lot to give to a kid but it's comfortable and he’ll grow into it eventually.

It was already a huge step in his development that he gave Atsushi his coat, but to use his ability not on his coat means he's making an effort to overcome his fixation and do an action unrelated to Dazai for the sake of Atsushi’s life. His whole life after the slums, everything he's ever done was with Dazai in mind. Him saving Atsushi’s life was not because he was doing what Dazai wanted him to do, that he'd finally get approval for doing It, and in turn give his life meaning before he died. When he saved Atsushi, it would give his life meaning in just that. He shouldn't let himself be defined by the past the way he criticizes Atsushi for, so he’s going to choose his meaning. I wouldn't say he's moved past Dazai yet, but he's getting there.

Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship is not healthy in the slightest, and Dazai’s crueler actions and words against him are not right, but they’re still growing and not stagnant characters. Atsushi and Akutagawa learn from each other and that's what's pushing them to change. Nobody will pretend those past means weren’t just abuse, they were, but there's so much more to it. Like I asked with the director, was he successful? Well from what I’ve said, yes it so far has gone the way Dazai hoped for in the best-case scenario.

In the main universe at least, this is one of the better ways it could’ve gone. Beast is a different story. Teenage Dazai of the main universe was unsure of Akutagawa’s future and did only what he could’ve done at that time, but Beast Dazai does have that knowledge and he decided that it would be best for Akutagawa to not be in the mafia, instead bringing in Atsushi. It wouldn’t have been good to let him pursue his violent tendencies more than necessary in the mafia in this universe when he knew there was a better option, especially with someone like Oda, who would take the time to care for him properly.

Even if he didn’t bring him in, he still gave him the motivation to keep living for something. The prologue of Beast is a mirror to The Heartless Cur, with instead it’s a distant relationship of hate Akutagawa has for him for taking his sister. For those who argue that since Beast exists, that means Asagiri was somehow “wrong about Dazai”, but it’s still Dazai from the beginning that’s the source of this motivation. Dazai, who's still guiding him. If we’re gonna be honest, Dazai was putting their development/capabilities in speed run mode with the logic and future information he had access to prepare them for a timeline he won’t be alive for. There are many factors for what he did in Besst, but that’s not the conversation.

What does he get from helping him? Who knows, Asagiri wasn’t being cheeky when he said we only see bits and pieces of his vision. We barely have any clue what’s going through that man’s head, so don’t act like you do. He wasn’t always planning for the next Soukoku. Maybe it was a thought that came up sometimes, but he’s only met Atsushi recently. What about Akutagawa was so different from any other powerful ability-wielding orphan? Well, we’re not gonna know any time soon.

The point is that Dazai is thinking about their future, even if the abuse or manipulation makes that hard to see. Please do remember that abuse is still selfish no matter the intention, but non-selfish intentions make it all the more complicated to process. Their relationship is not misunderstood by Asagiri himself, it’s just clear to me most don’t want to face the unpleasant truth that there is more to their dynamic. When I first realized what was going on, I couldn’t help but get unnerved and awkward when someone would ask me about these two. These are both characters in the spotlight that you’re supposed to care about, but what happened between them is rotten.

You’re not supposed to pretend it didn’t happen because Dazai still contributed to who he is and it shows whenever it’s on screen. Abuse doesn’t make us stronger, don’t make it as if that’s a message that Asagiri is spreading. What happened to him motivated his development, but with Atsushi, that’s the opposite. Their circumstances are different and victims process what's happened to them in various ways. Depicting it in a form less common than usual doesn't mean the author thinks in the same way the victim does, it's just nuance at work.

I did not add Akutagawa’s attitude towards his subordinates and newer members as Dazai’s responsibility because Dazai is not the one controlling his hands when he hits Higuchi. Dazai’s mentoring contributed to his toxic views of being useful, but it’s only Akutagawa’s responsibility once he raises his hand. Instead of thinking of this in the context of the most typical abusive situation you can think of, how about this:

Your parent was raised in an abusive household, but they think they came out of it just fine and that there was nothing wrong with how they were treated. They treat you almost the same way, and all you can take away from that when you find out is, “At least it’s not as bad as it could’ve been”. You still hold anger at the standards they’re forcing you to reach, but if that’s what it takes to get that approval, then you’ll keep going anyway. Even if you get yelled at and you know you shouldn’t be treated like this, it’ll feel nice when you finally get on their good graces, right?

Then you get a new sibling, and all of that comes crumbling down. They don’t treat your sibling anywhere near the same when you were that age. Years go by and you get angrier and angrier. Why is it only you that was put to that standard? Even worse is that they treat you differently now too. You finally got to those standards, but now what is it worth? They’re so much nicer now and you want to curse them out for only changing now. Why couldn’t have had that parent from the beginning? It’s so unfair, but you can’t take it out on them because you still need them, they mean so much to you. As angry as you were, they were doing it because they cared about you in their way, you think. It was what your grandparents did to them at least. So you start treating your sibling similarly to how you were treated because you can’t take it that they didn’t experience that hardship without destroying yourself first.

Question: Are you right in what you did? Was the parent responsible for what you did to your sibling?

Nobody in their right mind would say yes to that first question. It makes sense why it happened, but continuing abuse will never be the correct answer. You’re doing the same thing your parent did. The second question needs more exposition to answer, however. How responsible is responsible?

In the end, even if it was the parent who influenced it, you’re only responsible for what you’ve done on your own accord. The parent did not tell you to take it out on your sibling, you decided that yourself. The parent is still responsible for what they’ve done to you, never get that wrong, but if you say that your guilt is absolved because it’s all their fault, you sound no different from any other abuser in denial. Are you saying now that the parent is also absolved from guilt because it’s all their parent’s fault too? Listen to yourself, You hurt someone but it’s not your fault, but the person who hurt you is also somehow not at fault? If someone came up to you and said that, you’d be fed up.

For those who do the same thing with Mori, rethink what you’re saying. Is it that painful to admit your favorite characters are at fault and that they’re changing? This comparison isn’t perfect and ignores some key factors: Dazai isn’t Akutagawa’s or Atsushi’s father and is not much older than them, the Port Mafia is a violent workplace environment and requires you to be able to navigate it a certain way, and all three of them at adults in present time. I used this comparison to be more real to earth and something a larger audience could process themselves to truly get that the emotions here are not straightforward even in a realistic situation.

Re: Portrait of a Father

Just like the prologue, in chapter 3 of the Beast light novel, Portrait of a Father is mirrored and retold in brutal upset that does not hold the hopeful bittersweetness at the end of it unlike its original. Before the present day, against all orders Dazai gave him, Atsushi attacked the orphanage on the day of his birthday. On his birthday, he would be reborn from the ashes of his past being burnt away, and kill the director inside to release himself from the fear of those memories.

It’s what he says at least.

Playing out, the director was expecting him. There might have only been one person in his mind who would’ve attacked a rundown orphanage on this scale. It frightens Atsushi after all that planning and fear of losing to the director, he could still see through him, but confusion takes hold when he’s told that he was late for his graduation.

Graduation? Atsushi is in fight or flight mode, why is he approaching him with this box? He can’t imagine it being anything other than a weapon, nothing else would make sense for this cruel monster. The director won’t give him any straight answer, just repeating words he’s heard over and over growing up here. He uses his tiger hearing to glean what could be inside.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

There’s the proof, it had to be a bomb. He needs to protect himself before anything happens or he’ll die. He’s scared, he can’t move, but he has to fight. The director opens his arms for the embrace of his child… and death, plummeted into a bloody mess on the floor. Only out of the corner of his eye, only when Atsushi stopped, he saw what was in the box. It was a watch, brand new and high-end. Happy Birthday was what was written on a sheet of paper next to it.

His last words, whispered into his ear, were words of encouragement: “Yes… just like that.”

I was not kidding when I said this was brutal. Just like in the main universe, Atsushi learns why he did what he did and can’t place any of his feelings, but overwhelmingly guilt crushes him to keep protecting people with his life rather than just fear because he killed him. He finds out much earlier about what happened with Shibusawa, and how the director protected his identity as the tiger.

The director’s intentions are draining when you let your mind wander. As we’ve established, the headmaster as a figure of hate for Atsushi is intentional on his part. He doesn’t explain anything on purpose here to probe him into killing him. He bought that watch for Atsushi as a congratulations for growing up and becoming a new independent individual.

In the split minute before Atsushi took the first swing, he said his usual, “Those who fail to protect others do not deserve to live.” I have to question now if he was so willing to die there, even encouraging him to kill him, then has it been this whole time he still can’t live with himself for what happened to his friends… or is it because he couldn’t protect Atsushi anymore? Maybe I’m overthinking it and it was just that the headmaster thought Atsushi needed to kill him to remove an obstacle in his growth as an individual, to be a necessary sacrifice for his benefit.

It's too flawed though. The director will never leave him, not after all that he's engraved into Atsushi. The watch has become not a symbol of a person who's found himself, but a child that's latched himself onto his father's cold corpse that won't ever respond, but that child would do anything to have him wake up and say "Good job, Atsushi". The director also has a clock, but can he call himself a strong individual when he hasn't let go of the past either?

Time stopped for Beast Atsushi when he picked up that watch. If he had just followed orders, none of this would’ve happened. If he isn’t his father’s child, if he doesn’t uphold his last wish, then who is he? When he’s no longer in the mafia and has time for himself to think, he wanders.

He failed in becoming someone he could be proud of, he deserved to die for that but doesn't want to be dead… because It wasn't truly about the Director, just like how it wasn't truly about Dazai’s acknowledgment or saving his sister for Akutagawa. At first, that was the motivation, it's the reasoning they keep going with, but in the end, it was to save their own life and give it purpose to validate why they're still around. If they can die like this, then it's all the same. If they have their own life in someone else’s hands, then they no longer have to be responsible for their own heavy-hearted weight.

Beast Atsushi is given neither and is taken of his reasoning, but he keeps going. Aimlessly.

Luckily, it’s not where his story ends.

He wakes up in his old orphanage, and it’s no longer the dreary place it was when he was younger. Kids laughing outside, no chains on the walls or bars blocking off the windows, and the new Orphanage Director greets him. He tells him that he will go back to being a student of the orphanage until he can become independent again, under one of Dazai’s last requests before he died.

Still, there’s one thing he needs to do. The new director takes out the watch and tells him to break it. Atsushi is distraught by this notion, but he won’t let Atsushi leave if he doesn’t. The new director has good reason, there is no point in becoming someone the past director was proud of and this is what’s holding him back. Atsushi, eventually, tells him he will not break the watch. He can’t move on just yet and this watch is still proof he’s himself, yet…

He’ll keep going and move forward, just like Akutagawa told him after he spared his life. The new director finds those words to be enough, saying he can’t leave until he finds something else to define himself with, but he can keep living here as his son. He went there to burn away his past and came out of it not able to let go of the past, but now he can redo and process it healthily with someone willing to hold him like a father should.

The Man Who Raised Dazai

Everyone who’s read Beast has questioned it: Why did Dazai in his right mind have Mori take care of an orphanage? Why did he save his life? Better yet, why is he so nice?! I have come up with some speculation on why Dazai would.

“Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).”

“Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.”

(Didn’t feel like rephrase them)

We can’t know anything for sure about his decision, but I do know Mori is the type of character to sacrifice his feelings for what he thinks would logically benefit the sum, and there’s no better way to release yourself from that too-calculative responsibility than to remove yourself from it and to be in a place where you’re allowed to care for others and express yourself when there is no greater purpose than to just grow.

What happened with Yosano is undoubtedly wrong, but Mori had put away any sympathy in those situations because he needed her to do what he brought her in for. I was confused by his declaration that violence should never be used to educate children when I read it, especially out of his mouth, but now I understand. He would know with certainty that it’s not the right way to educate children, particularly because this is a Mori that hasn’t been in the dark for these past years and has grown to care for these children at the orphanage without any greater intention for them.

He’s not like the Old Director because he has no reason to think these kids would end up the way he did. They’re just kids that need someone to raise them with kindness, kindness will be what gets them through life as functional adults. Abuse has too many drawbacks to be called an optimal solution here. Is it surprising that all it took to change Mori was the kindness and salvation Dazai offered to him when he took over? Can you believe it was that simple to treat someone like a human being instead of a figure of hate?

What sticks out to me like a sore thumb is that when he’s introduced in Beast, he’s referred to as the man who raised Dazai. He is, regardless of what you think, the closest thing Dazai has to a father figure. In regards to how the fanbase speaks of their relationship, it’s hard to think that he cared about Dazai, but he did and the extent of how bad it got between them is grossly exaggerated.

As many comparisons Dazai gets with Yosano, their relationship with Mori is very different. Unlike Yosano, he did not need to be forced to do anything with psychological abuse and he did not need to be torn down to do what Mori asked him to. We don’t know what happened to him to become like this, but it wasn’t because of Mori. Yosano had light in her and a motivation to do the right thing, but Dazai didn’t. Dazai is no stranger to any violence or using violence himself even before Mori if he's this desensitized.

It’s useful that Dazai is like that when he meets him, up until it isn’t. He’s moody and actively looking to die. Mori can’t predict him that easily and Dazai can see right through him. There’s another huge difference between them though: Mori sees himself in Dazai. We don’t have enough insight in his head to make conclusive statements, but I think this is why he cared for Dazai. It’s not because he saw a child struggling that he cared, but grew some fondness because he saw a little mini-him. When he drove Dazai out of the Port Mafia, he expected him to come back and take back his vacant seat.

Eventually, Dazai will come back and realize that petty anger about someone dying is illogical in somewhere like the mafia. But because of him not being able to see through Dazai and seeing himself in him, he also expected him to eventually usurp his seat if he stayed any longer. That is why he had invited Mimic at the time he did and manipulated the situation so Oda, someone he knew Dazai cared for, would go and take care of the situation flawlessly. He’d be sacrificed and Mori could get something out of it, a Skilled Business Permit. A perfect plan… in theory, but Mori was wrong and miscalculated on many levels because of how many assumptions he made about Dazai.

First, he wouldn’t have known that it was Oda who held the words that would convince him to leave the mafia and go into the world of light. Dazai will never come back to his own volition. Second, as those panels quite literally tell you, Dazai was never planning on killing him. He saw his place in the mafia and saw that he was needed there. When Mori finally realizes his mistake with Dazai 4 years later during the Guild Arc, he can’t go back. His plan was still perfectly sound and he still got what he wanted out of it. He shouldn’t regret it, but…

Now that’s been paved out, where does wanting to save Dazai fit into this? If I had to assume, it’s the same reason he didn’t shoot Dazai for leaving his office during Dark Era. He cared about that boy, for 4 whole years he left him and his seat alone when the logical thing he should be doing was replacing him, but as much as he might’ve cared, he needed to put the mafia first. He didn’t let him die because of his use, but also because of their so-called “common destiny” in his eyes, a diamond in a rough he might’ve disposed of otherwise if he didn’t see his potential. There’s not much he could’ve done for Dazai here except keep him healthy and alive. Mori gets tons of flack for not trying to help him, but there's nothing he could've done, not in their position.

He can't cultivate his potential if there is abuse involved because there is no logical reason for him to do anything to Dazai. You guys have to stop assuming the worst when it comes to Mori, you’re missing huge character details that are right in front of you. The difference between Mori, the Boss of the Port Mafia, and Mori, the Orphanage Director is that he had time to rekindle his humanity so he’s able to care about him like a normal human being, feel guilt, and admit regret after Beast Dazai has died. Mori at most was responsible for ingraining tactical strategies and theories and molding him into the perfect Mafioso and right-hand man.

Not to say any of those aren’t a bad thing. He’s still a child and having him use his desensitized, intelligent mind to build the potential in what he could do for the mafia, it’s just that he’s responsible for very little in Dazai’s personality. The only answer I could give about Dazai being abused by Mori or being abused under the credentials that he’s a child in a violent, unsafe place is the same answer given earlier for Chuuya: in his case, not really.

Regarding this, I retract my statement about anything I’ve said about Beast Atsushi not being a victim in his time in the mafia, but I still hold my stance that he’s not the victim of the port mafia. I want to say the same thing about Beast Dazai and Atsushi that I do here, but considering he picked him up and trained him like how he trained Akutagawa, there’s a great chance Dazai emotionally abused him when you read their interactions. Not physically as that would make him too much like the headmaster, but just enough emotional distress in bringing up traumatic moments to manipulate him into doing what he needs of him.

It’s not a good relationship, but Mori wasn’t targeting Dazai in any real way like the Director and Atsushi or Dazai and Akutagawa. Unlike every other section, I have to conclude that he didn’t do anything to Dazai in that regard other than treating him like another adult when he shouldn't have. I don’t have much to say negatively about their dynamic otherwise. Just a weird, terrible son with his weird, terrible father. It’s more like someone who's taking after their mentor’s teaching and methods rather than an abuse victim echoing their abuser. This is why I don't accept the “Cycle of Abuse” as how the fandom understands it. It tells me a lot that people resort to the blame game.

I wonder what Dazai and Mori’s relationship would've looked like without any of this in the middle. Maybe something in cadence with Ranpo and Fukuzawa, but I can't help thinking that accepting Atsushi as his son in Beast instead of a student wasn't just for Atsushi’s sake. He was about to call him his student too, but immediately changed his mind. He already admitted he was helping him because of what happened to Dazai, so it can’t be a huge jump to think that in the same way this is Atsushi’s redo in building a relationship with a father figure, this is Mori’s redo to give him some atonement for the boy he failed.

A Mother’s Love

Kyouka, when we first meet her, appears as a force to be reckoned with. With skills a young girl shouldn’t have, and a demon shadowing behind, she’s a terrifying opponent. Quickly though, that appearance falls short in tragedy when the bomb Atsushi’s after is found on her own body and when he asks if she truly wants to kill... She has no answer, but her actions speak clearly. She gives him the defuser because she doesn’t want any more people to die, but the man behind the phone will not let it defuse.

So Kyouka does the next best thing to save more from dying: falling off the train with the bomb that’s about to go off. As long as she dies with it, nobody can use her and her abilities to massacre the people on the train when the bomb eventually fails to do what is necessary. Because that’s when Atsushi realizes that she cannot control her ability herself. No matter what she genuinely wants, she will never have the ability to obtain it because of this one fact. She can only be what people tell her she is.

We all know this story well, she gets saved by Atsushi and the man behind the phone is Akutagawa. Atsushi offers her the same kindness Dazai extended to him regardless of his reputation and destruction because it’d only be the right thing to do. He knows her incoming fate of eventual death for her crimes, he can’t do much, but she should at least experience normalcy this one time.

When she’s about to turn herself in, Akutagawa stops her and tells her she did her job well as a decoy for him to capture Atsushi. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a peculiar oddness about Akutagawa here in his attitude towards Kyouka. In all logic, even though she is a strong tool to the mafia, she’s a low-level member, a disobedient one at that, and should’ve been killed on sight for her betrayal considering how quick he is to violence, but he talks as if nothing even happened. He brushes off any thought of her dying as she’s spouting nonsense and that she’s going to go back to the mafia as normal.

But then he spouts off about how she’s better off dead on the ship if she stops killing. What’s up with that? It’s not completely obvious at first, but he’s projecting his own experiences in the slums and beliefs formed from Dazai’s mentoring onto her. From his time when he wasn’t in the mafia, he tells her there’s nothing left out there for people like them, there’s only rock bottom. He can confidently say that there is nowhere that would accept her for her ability, demon snow, because it’s the same for him.

The only way her life can have value is to kill to be useful, just like any good mafia member. It’s exactly why that flashback with Dazai happens here. He’s the one who fed him these thoughts he’s lived with for these past 6 years, and what she’s been believing for 6 months. He doesn’t loathe her, he sees it as doing a favor for her. What else can a little girl who can kill be use of except to kill in her circumstances?

Contrary to popular belief, he is not her abuser and is not the same thing Dazai was to him. He neither trained her nor did we have information on their relationship to come to that conclusion. The only thing we know is that he was the one sent to pick her up by the Port Mafia. We can prove she is not the way she is because Akutagawa since Beast, well, exists. She is one of the few characters I can confidently say was a victim of the Port Mafia itself and not just a person of the Port Mafia specifically.

Akutagawa was trying to be what Dazai was to him, but he is selling a bastardized version of it to her. The person who was her Dazai was Atsushi, the same person who was given Dazai’s act of kindness. Someone who has experienced the same things Akutagawa has and is living proof that she can hope for something better.

He could see that the same revenge and lack of regard for her life in her eye was the same kind he met Dazai with. Despite that, these lessons he’s internalized have helped no one, not even himself. She can’t find meaning in something that is the root cause of her suicidal ideation. This life is unfulfilling for people like them who need meaning in life. Akutagawa doesn't realize this because he still has Dazai to be his motivational goal. That’s why he failed to help Kyouka, Dazai’s efforts would’ve been considered an utmost failure too if he wasn’t actively trying to fix that misunderstanding. Kindness is what actively saves us and helps us grow, the harm in abusive environments will only stunt us. But what happens when kindness is offered to us, but nothing comes out of it except proving us right that we’re unsavable? Then you have Kouyou.

Kouyou is the second person I could say was a victim of the Port Mafia. She has the same belief Akutagawa had about people like them being unable to be saved, so the only thing they can do is embrace it. I can’t claim she was Kyouka’s abuser either as we again don’t know enough, but that doesn’t change that her behavior is emotionally abusive, and is a much better contender than he is.

She’s doing the same thing Akutagawa was doing himself. Seeing themselves in this child and doing what she “needs” instead of what she wants. Just like him, she views this as saving her from the hands of light that will never make room for them and will ignore everything else she says. When Akutagawa is faced with her “disillusionment”, he… accepts it when she refuses his will and chooses another path, but almost kills her to spare her from that decision that would “doom” her.

Kouyou is much less accepting, opting to kill the root source of this hope itself, Atsushi, because her fondness for Kyouka prevents her from leaving her for dead. In contrast to Akutagawa’s attempt at being what gives her life meaning, Kouyou wants to stop Atsushi from being like the same man who also gave her hope that they could escape to the world of light. She can’t bear to see Kyouka go through the same realization she did far too late.

I can see what you're thinking, why am I reluctant to call either of them Kyouka’s abuser? Even if Akutagawa doesn't count, shouldn't Kouyou count because she seems to have an actual relationship with her and her effects are prevalent in Beast, the same points I mentioned to debunk accusations against him? Sure actually, but think about it like this. What the Port Mafia does have in common with real situations is that this is a community that is full of victims who refuse to process their traumatic experiences for any reason, and bring down others to their level when they don’t fit in their narrative to justify what’s happened to them.

There isn’t just one abuser weighing over you, there's this collective pressure from so many who aren't your abuser but they still contribute to your abuse with their presence itself. If Dazai wasn’t there in the mafia, would Akutagawa's situation have changed? Yes. Now if Akutagawa or Kouyou weren’t in the mafia, would Kyouka's situation have changed? Not at all. She’d have fewer examples to refer to, but she’d still be abused. If it’s easier to imagine, think of it similarly to cult mentality and how they keep you in cults. That is the reason I emphasized being a victim of the Port Mafia instead of an individual. Kouyou, Q, and Kyouka, while you can pin their main perpetrators on certain people, their overall situation doesn't change.

Now why doesn’t she just use the phone herself instead of letting people call Demon Snow for her? Wouldn’t she have more agency that way? Atsushi proposes this, but she rejects it instantly. It’s a very simple answer, it’s the same reason she can’t bear to look at it outside of when she’s forced to use it in combat. It’s her ability that killed her parents and why she was forced into this position.

It’s not hard for a little girl to believe she’s nothing more than a killing machine when she sees that night her ability would mercilessly kill her parents. She eventually caves when Kouyou points out how quick she is to vindicate violence to protect that hope she desperately wants a part of, and how she will never change. Her first mission with the Armed Detective Agency is proof in itself. Was Atsushi going to keep extending his kindness after hearing what she could only blame herself for?

Kouyou is a character I’ve seen that gets a lot of double standards compared to all of the other characters I’ve mentioned with abusive tendencies and is almost purely liked. She’s not seen as an absolute monster (The director, Mori) or controversial with one side containing pure dislike and another pure love (Akutagawa, Dazai), it’s only that she’s a well-written, sympathetic badass girl boss. It’s either because she’s a woman, that she doesn’t use an overt intimidation style, that her motives are more obvious in their emotional influences, or all of the above that she’s not treated the same.

Kouyou’s motivations are not special, as I’ve said. The only thing that differentiates them from the others is that they’re not covered by a mask of indifference. As fond as she is for her, she’s not much different from anyone else who holds the mafia up in high regard. She weaponizes her words in where they’d hurt the most so Kyouka would come with her. The entire last section of their battle sums up with her saying, “Kyouka come with me, they’ll only use you for your Ability when they get a hold of it. Even if the mafia did the same thing, at least they’ll accept you for who you truly are: a natural-born killer. You don’t have to fight anymore, I’ll protect you.”

When Atsushi finds Kyouka once again subsequently in her disappearance, she chooses to embrace her violence to help the Armed Detective Agency in this fight with the Guild. After her walk in where she used to reside, she comes the the conclusion she no longer belongs there. Against Kouyou’s wishes, she will brandish her blade for a home. That blows up in her face the moment she starts. Atsushi gets taken, and it’s just as Kouyou said would happen. If even her violence doesn’t get her wish, then what can she do besides leave herself to her fate?

As someone who’s seen another with a talent for killing walk the path of good and is on that same path himself, Dazai talks to her. He tells her about how she hasn’t gone through her entrance exam yet, how she isn’t an official member because she hasn’t proven her will or life on the line to help people she doesn’t necessarily know. Kyouka doesn’t believe she could’ve passed if that’s what it takes, but Dazai doesn’t agree with the points she’s brought up. So what if she’s killed or considered dangerous? That doesn’t make her less qualified to be a part of the Detective Agency, everyone there is from different backgrounds.

She can’t know everything, not even about herself. Nobody does, but it takes others to see more of yourself. Excelling in one area doesn’t prevent you from nurturing your potential in another. What would that make someone like Atsushi, a person who’s been her guiding figure throughout—but was never seen as anything more than a threat or a beast because of his ability before he joined them? The truth is, our lives aren’t defined by one purpose the moment we’re born, it’s only something you can make for yourself. We’re not the places we’ve been raised in, not the ideas people apply to us, and we’re especially not defined by the traumatic experiences we had no control over.

All of it accumulates the person we are today, and we can’t change that no matter how much we resent parts of our image that don’t hold up to what society deems as right, but it shouldn’t take control over what we want for ourselves. It isn’t fair for the victims who were forced into a life where they had to fend for themselves, the children who had to navigate an adult’s messed up world that didn’t have room for them to grow as kids should. Forced into a box where they stay unaware that they’ve ever left their mother’s womb, break out in fury with eyes that grew up too early—only to become lost and thrown away, or rot in that box without a single person knowing they were a breathing, living human being.

I deem abuse selfish for this very reason. Kouyou is wrong for this very reason. If she finds comfort in her reasoning, then I can’t critique her for her own choices and will have to respect her for choosing to stay in the mafia even when the old boss is dead, every abuse victim is different, but not a single person is born evil or good, in the dark or light. Not a soul has to stay in one place because they started there. It’s going to be a hard journey to truly achieve what you long for, results aren’t immediate and not everyone gets there no matter their effort, but still try. Try because it’s still worth trying, because you’re still worth more than you think.

In parallel, you can only get there as long as you’re seeking it. Too many see the Armed Detective Agency as something that will automatically save characters just by working there, but the only way it can help them is if they seek out their help themselves. The ADA is not the right place for every character, but Kyouka does want a place there. After her conversation with Dazai, she knows what she wants to do now. She will smash the drone she’s in into Moby Dick so nobody will have to die, but sacrifice her own life in the process. She’s chained to this place, but her choices aren’t.

She doesn’t have to die with regret, with this she can pass the entrance exam and become an agency member like she wanted. She made a difference for herself just by this act. It’d be a pretty melancholy arc if it ended like that, thank god we know it doesn’t end like this. When you become a full agency member, you gain more control over your ability, meaning—

She’s fine.

The exposition is over, let’s talk about Kyouka. Her arc is beautiful and the neglect to talk about her when it comes to her abuse story besides saying, “She’s the one who stopped the abuse cycle” and then nothing else is heartbreakingly superficial. She didn’t stop it, it’s impossible to, but she did break out of it. Kyouka’s section has more exposition than the others but I expected that. I wanted to save her for last because she’s the only one whose arc has come to a peaceful conclusion and not unfinished, and the lighter message felt nice to leave off on.

I shouldn’t berate Kouyou too much, the only reason she stayed in that room after being captured by the ADA is because she did want Kyouka to experience what she never had, and speaking with Dazai helped reassure her that Kyouka would be able to achieve her dreams. It’s no longer the age of the old boss. As well as her shedding the truth about her parent’s death so she wouldn’t have to resent her ability as not an avatar of massacre, but a product of her parents’ love that will always stay with her. She didn’t let go of the phone she’s had this entire time because her mother told her not to let it go.

Me going over Kouyou in this fashion is not me saying you shouldn’t love her character, I like her too. It’s just that it’s passed over so fast what she did, but somehow Akutagawa is more at fault here is mind-boggling. I’d get it a little more if this is because she redeemed herself by wanting the best for Kyouka over what was best for the mafia, but I doubt that’s the case when that moment is talked about so little as well.

I genuinely need you all to understand that not every character is going to have a satisfying, clean conclusion like this. Akutagawa’s story is most likely not going to have a conclusion that satisfies everyone and you should respect it when it comes. There’s no perfect way of writing abuse, but there’s no correct way of doing it either. I don’t think Dazai is going to have the repercussions you want him to have any time soon. If you got the message from Beast, getting revenge on an abuser doesn’t make us feel better or let us process what happened to us. Total resentment keeps us stuck.

The only thing that will heal us is the kindness so many offer in this series. You in no way need to extend that kindness to an abuser, you don’t need to forgive them or let them into your life again, but be kind to yourself and don’t let resentment prevent you from focusing on yourself. Forgiveness and reconnection are not the same thing. Don’t be angry when a victim does want those things. Unless it’s character inconsistent, that’s not something we shouldn’t have any opinion on as the right or wrong way to go about their lives. What if later they do change their mind and want something different from what they originally planned? That’s fine too. Everyone is different. Don’t give unsolicited advice to people who do not want it, let them decide for themselves. It is the best thing you can do.

The worst abusers are the ones who refuse to change and see wrong in what they’re doing, but what about the ones who do want that? Then also let them heal. They did something awful, why isn’t it a good thing they want to stop it now? You don’t have to let them in just because they changed though. Apologies don’t fix the damage already done, but to some victims, it feels nice to feel that what’s been done to them is acknowledged. You don’t want them to hurt others the way they’ve done to you, and neither do they. It hurts to let them forgive themselves when you haven’t and never will, you want to see them suffer, but that’s the only way things can change.

Dazai has changed, is he a good person even after what he’s done? I despise this question for any character of this series. He’s grown so much, and if you don’t think so, reread his conversation with Kyouka I beg of you. It is a far cry from his mindset in the mafia. A better person for sure, but a good person is hard to define for anyone in this series. The mafia is still the mafia, do any of them qualify as good people? The government, even if it’s the position of the right in society, is still an unjust system.

What a good person is cannot be an objective answer, people think there is but it’s not. A good person is how much we know about them and where our position in life affects our viewpoint. Prejudice values don’t make you correct in what you think a good person is, being convicted of a crime, one you might not even have committed, doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, being associated with a group doesn’t mean anything about who you are, etc. It’s all subjective in the end.

Meaning someone like Odasaku is essential in a story like this. He still has a presence in this narrative, even if he died in a light novel, because his existence pushes the boundaries of a “good person” in the fact his contradictory existence establishes itself. He failed in walking the path he wanted, but he doesn’t regret it even in his dying moments trying to.

Afterthoughts

The themes of morality and humanity go hand in hand with the abuse present in Bungou Stray Dogs, so it was hard avoiding talking about this when it was necessary. I don’t think it’s right of us to judge a character’s path that isn’t finished, in a story that’s nowhere near done. Ultimately, I’m only talking in a place of experience but never will it make me exempt from any personal bias. I tried to be as objective and nuanced as I could about this, and I hope it shows.

Abuse isn’t one of those things that I can analyze from any logical stand point or take resources to back my statements up about abuse. Of course everything I say can be backed up, but abuse is a personal, human matter and we’re just human being trying to figure out more than we can handle. I just couldn’t be comfortable with how people are now choosing to talk about Asagiri and needed to shed some light in what you’re missing.

Now I could’ve gone over Higuchi or Lucy because their stories also involve abuse, but I don’t think I could say anything new about them without repeating points I’ve already said. We know very little about Higuchi and what made her so devoted to Akutagawa, and Lucy is pretty quick to summarize considering her story is just like Atsushi’s. Q is also a character to be brought up but I don’t have enough information on them to say much about any abuse itself that happened.

Yosano was also an option but I don’t think anyone had any trouble understanding her backstory. Well I was only really aiming to speak about what’s not been spoken enough. Thank you for reading haha, god this thing is monstrous. Already got to 14k words by the time I was officially done…. I didn’t know if I wanted to lean into character analysis or just exposition, I hope it’s a good enough mix of both. This took way longer than the 4 days I was planning to write this in.

I was later reminded that I could do a post on how their abilities functioned and reflect on their abuse/traumatic events, but I didn’t think I’d have enough room for that here. It could be a bonus post eventually? I don’t think I did Kyouka enough justice in that aspect, but i’d just be beating myself up again about not making this perfect.

I hope I don’t come off scary or a very serious person? I’m very open to requests or discussions people want to engage in. Oh jeez, I’ll just embarrass myself if I keep talking. Writing this was a bit much, never really liked writing stuff myself. Sorry if glossed over anything, I wanted to stay on topic and not detail into something unnecessary.

The message BSD has is a pretty normal one, but there’s something very special about how it’s written here and I’m happy it exists. Maybe I shouldn’t have made this so long? But there’s so much to express sigh……

[animeyanderelover]

Request: Hello! I really liked your Happy Death Day posts and I've wanted more of them so I have two request with that concept. 1) Happy Death Day with dazai, ranpo, fyodor, atsushi, akutagawa, chuyaa (and if you have read the manga) teruko, saigiku, tetchou, sigma. if you haven't read the manga then you can write for the first 6 mentioned with gin, kenji, yosano, and kunikida instead.

I did Dazai and Chuuya already in another post with this concept so I took a few other characters you suggested in here to still give you 10 characters. Also, don’t worry, the fourth season has by now aired so everyone knows those characters now. Those are longer than my usual Happy Death Day Hc's which is because I watched the newest season whilst writing those Hc's and felt inspired.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive relationship, obsession, stalking, clinginess, paranoia, delusion, manipulation, violence, abduction, isolation, sadism, death, suicidal thoughts

Happy Death Day

Nakajima Atsushi

🐅Messages that are left unread despite the hours just ticking by are the reason for Atsushi to dash to your place, sweaty hands holding the phone close to his chest as he can't help but glance at the screen every few seconds. You've never left him ignored like this for more than an hour, and that only if it's an emergency since you know how terribly anxious and paranoid your boyfriend is. When he stands in front of your apartment, his anxiety suddenly spikes and causes a sharp pain in his abdomen as he realizes something. The door is open. He drops his phone as his vision zooms in on the door left open, anything else blurring out as he hears his own ragged breath and his heartbeat threatening to break his rips from the intensity it starts to hit his chest. The door is nearly ripped out of it's hinges as Atsushi storms to your place, voice cracking and shaking as he shouts your name. When a rotten, metallic scent suddenly invades his nostrils, everything stops for a short moment, even his heart as only dread and horror seems to exist inside of him for a moment.

🐅The door to the kitchen is behind him and from the breeze caressing his back he knows that the door is wide open. The source of the scent is right behind him but Atsushi is paralyzed, can only stand there frozen as shudders and trembles run through his whole body. A part of him fears to see what's behind him, fears to face the ugly truth. Seconds feel like eternities as he just stands there, his chest tightening and stinging as Atsushi starts hyperventilate. Yet no matter how rapidly he suddenly gasps for air, he feels like he's suffocating as tears start dwelling up inside his eyes and soon after cascade down his cheeks. When he finally gains the last bit of desperate courage he can, he slowly turns around, even if his body is refusing out of sheer terror to see. The door is wide open and in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded from a puddle of blood, lies his darling, a knife still embedded in their stomach. This sight is the final stab for him. He goes down on his knees, stomach twisting and revolting as he gags everything up he's consumed today.

🐅After the painful process of gagging and choking on his own vomit, Atsushi lets out a scream, one more reminiscent of a wounded animal than an actual human. His chest hurts, his heart hurts, every breath hurts as the tremor worsens. Something inside of him erupts as his blood starts boiling, his vision darkening in front of his own eyes as something just takes over. Something that wants to hurt, to kill, to take revenge for destroying the only good thing in his life. Atsushi doesn't remember much after, he only recalls waking up from the weird state of not being here next to your corpse, the whole room and furniture in shambles. A fresh set of tears rolls out as he crawls closer to you, not caring how he stains his clothes and skin in your cold blood as he just puts his head against your chest and clings onto your dead body in utter distraught and helplessness like a newborn and cries and cries for hours on end. You can't leave him like this! He can't do this without you! Eventually one thought takes over his mind more than anything. He just wants to die now that you've left him.

🐅You all but leap out of your sheets when you're woken up by a painful kick in your side and a gruesome cry that blows away all of the sleepiness you might have left although you doubt it with the nightmare you just had. You turn shocked to the other side of the bed as you see Atsushi falling down from the bed, entangled in his sheet as he kicks and cries as if he's just seen something far more horrifying than you have in your dreams. He's completely out of it and disorientated, nails clawing into the blanket surrounding him and tearing it apart before it's suddenly removed from him and he feels something warm embracing him, a sweet voice calling out to him. He recognizes that voice, that scent from everywhere and feels his heart shattering once again as he starts crying and sobbing terrified, nearly crushes you in his arms and pressing you close to his own body as if you'll disappear if he lets even a bit loose. You sit with him in this position for hours on the cold ground until the first sunshine announces that morning has come.

🐅Atsushi isn't the same anymore on this day as he flinches at the slightest of sounds, barely manages to call the day off in the Agency and stays glued to your side at all times. He's constantly on the verge of another meltdown, enters a small frenzy every time you suggest for him to leave you alone for a moment or two as he all but grabs you harshly and pulls you back to his side, breath erratic. You only attempt once to ask him what in the world has him acting like a maniac but it only results in a mental breakdown. As the day continues though, you yourself start to think that you're slowly going insane as you note how everything that happens, you have already witnessed before. This can't be real is what you tell yourself but how many coincidences can there be? You don't tell Atsushi at all but start returning his clinginess as you grow terrified. You try to cling to the hope that this is all a mere big, scary coincidence yet you nearly jump out of your skin when you hear the bell ring and start to visibly shaken as you recall what happens if you open the door.

🐅As the ringing grows more persistent and even Atsushi notices that you're trembling an asks you horrified what's wrong, you can't hold it in anymore. You start crying as you tell him the dream you had. If you open the door, you'll be murdered. The ring of the doorbell has by now changed into someone hitting the door from outside and shouting if anyone is home. His whole body is trembling from rage. An animalistic look in his eyes as you notice how his body is partially beginning to transform as he all but growls at you to lock yourself up in your bedroom although you hear his voice cracking at the end. You do as he says and lock yourself up, cower on the ground as you cover your ears. You can't blend out the feral growls and screams, the crashing sounds and the one agonizing, short and shrill scream of someone that you feel in your bones before they're forever silenced. You just about manage to unlock the door with your shaking hands when Atsushi calls your name before the male crashes you into his arms. This time stained in the blood of another and not yours. But Atsushi doesn't care. He doesn't care one bit.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke

⬛️Akutagawa goes through extreme denial when it comes to his darling as he despises them. He despises them for their weakness, for their silly antics and most of all for the emotions they stir up inside of him. Emotions that make his chest feel all fuzzy. Emotions that make him weak. Despite all of that, the man finds himself more than just once stalking you even if this is admittedly a bit more risky. He's not exactly unknown and would be in troubles if he were to run into one of the Agency members but ultimately Ryunosuke just doesn't care. He has no problem growing violent, even in the brightest daylight in the city. On this day it's not really different as you go on about your day and he trails behind you, always keeping a distance between you two just enough to not lose you from his sight. He's quite familiar with your daily life now, a result of his frequent stalking yet he'd rather not admit that out loud. He knows that you're on your way to the train station to catch the train that will drive you to your workplace. He won't follow you into the train.

⬛️He stays long enough and watches the train departing from the station before he silently leaves. A scowl edged onto his face as always as images of you flash before his eyes and no matter how much he tries to push you away, it just doesn't work. It annoys him so much. Until he suddenly hears the explosion, the shock wave causing him to stumble forward as the ground shakes. People start screaming and running, push past him to get away. Only he remains frozen in his place, an emotion that makes him feel like a small and weak child all over again engulfing him tightly, refusing to let go. The explosion came from the rail your train departed from. That realization strikes through his entire being and suddenly he's turning back and pushes everyone violently away who gets in his way. He inhales a lot of smoke as he races to the burning train he can clearly see as it exploded merely moments after departing. Rashomon is tearing the wagon open where you were sat and protects him from the flames burning inside as he starts searching for you, noticing with dread that all the passengers are already dead.

⬛️He knows that you're dead when he finds your burnt corpse as he realizes that you sat close to the bomb when it went off. It was an instant death for you. He's surprisingly silent at first, just staring down at your corpse before his eyes go to what's left from the bomb. He recalls that Mori mentioned something about a terrorist group using bombs. So you died because of the existence of some little group? That's when the rage suddenly errupts out of him as his ability goes crazy, trashes around and destroying everything and everyone in it's way. Your body remains unharmed though. He leaves before the police finds him, needs a lot of effort to tear his gaze away from you. There's an ache in his chest, not only from all the smoke he just breathed in. This is a pain that will probably never go away. He calls Higuchi as soon as he's out again, asking her with a voice shaking with wrath that he wants her to find out where the headquarter of the group is. He wants to give them a painful and cruel death and after he's slaughtered all of them, he just wants to be alone.

⬛️Akutagawa is probably already someone who doesn't have the healthiest sleep schedule. Upon waking up, he nearly activates Rashomon by pure accident as the lust for blood and death has him still in it's grasp. He's unnerved by the dream he just had when he realizes that he's in his room although he doesn't want to admit that to himself since it was just exactly that. A dream. Strangely enough he still feels the burning pain from all the smoke in his lungs alongside with the pulsing pain in his heart. Akutagawa does his best to brush it all off though. Everyone in the Port Mafia who meets him on that day kind of senses that he's in a bad mood though and for that avoids talking to him as good as possible. Something inside of him is highly squirmish and the unease only grows thicker when he hears and even witnesses things that he knows from his dream. He hates the way his heart jumps up and down in slight paranoia and fear for you as he starts doubting himself. It isn't until he overhears a few men talking about the terror group that his surface cracks.

⬛️They're scared out of their mind when he approaches them and demands them to tell him what they were just conversing about. One of them manages to stumble out that there are suspicions that they might attack today again and set a bomb off somewhere in the city. Akutagawa is calling Higuchi before he even realizes it himself, orders her and Black Lizard to find out if the rumors are true and he wants to be immediately informed if they find anything out. Higuchi is smart enough to hear that Akutagawa is not in the mood to hear any objections or questions so she just accepts his orders. Ryunosuke himself is hurrying over to you after he finished the call, something feels off about this whole day and time tells him that you're right about now heading to the train station. He rushes after you and does his best to not act out of place. You yourself seem a bit strange as he catches you looking around more than just once, steps slow and hesitant. This continues even shortly before you enter the wagon as he images for a moment that your hands are shaking. In that moment his phone starts to ring.

⬛️You can't get this dream out of your head as you stand in front of the train, anxious about the uncanny similarities between your dream and this day. You even contemplate whether or not you'll just skip work and tell your boss that you're sick. Just as you hesitantly step into the wagon, someone suddenly grabs you by your hand and yanks you back, causing the train to leave without you. You crush into someone's chest and are about to scream before the person suddenly starts dragging you away, the voice of a man hissing at you to run. You squirm around, cry out when his grip becomes bruising before an explosion shoots shock waves through the air and everyone around you breaks out in panic. You're suddenly silent, turn your head back and are able to catch a glance of the burning train that you were just about to enter. You almost died just now...just like in your dream. You're numb, allow yourself to be led away from the station by Akutagawa as you're in too much shock. It's only after you've somewhat recovered that you finally mutter out that you nearly died just like in your dream. Something that makes Akutagawa stop.

Edogawa Ranpo

👓Yosano and him are currently on their way to a crime scene because obviously he, the greatest detective of all time, has to be there. What would the police do without him after all? He’s complaining to the female doctor a bit about the fact that just this morning he asked you for some special pastry that is currently sold in a few bakeries in Yokohama and you told him that you don’t have any time today. You’re currently working on an important project and on top of that the bakery which apparently sells the pastry he craves is too far away from your workplace. Ranpo really wanted those sweets, already whined about it to you and now he’s doing the same to Yosano. Luckily she deals patiently with his complains. The crime scene is unmistakable as Ranpo sees even from the distance the cars of the police, the barriers and all the ambulances. One of the police officers notices them and initially mistakes them for citizens, tells them that they can’t enter the zone. Something Ranpo laughs about as he proclaims to the young officer who he is and that everything will be solved now.

👓According to what the officer tells them, two groups of people just started shootings at each other, resulting in a lot of innocent citizens to be caught in the warfare. A few were killed, a lot more hurt. They seem suspicious as they don’t trust Ranpo, but he forgives them since he knows that it’s their first day. He invites them to watch him though so they remember him the next time. All he needs is to put on his glasses to instantly deduce that the culprits were two gangs, both fighting to raise up and he’s even able to find out their hideouts, leaving the officer flabbergasted. He’s belittling them for underestimating him until Minoura, a familiar face in the police , walks over. Ranpo is greeting him, advices him to work harder since he solved the case once again, yet stops when he notices the serious expression on the man’s face. He asks confused what’s with the grim face but his eyes widen when the older man suddenly asks him if the detective knows someone named (l/n) (y/n). Why does he ask this? Minoura gives him a look of pity and sympathy which has Ranpo’s heart dropping.

👓(l/n) (y/n) bled out due to a shot through the stomach minutes before Yosano and him arrived at the scene. Minoura asked him because your phone had a wallpaper of him and you. That’s all he’s able to take in before his surroundings seemingly vanish around him. You’re dead? He just talked to you a few hours ago. Why were you here? Your workplace is somewhere else. He doesn’t want to accept it but the fruitless rejection is shattered when he’s gently led to the ambulance and sees your corpse, the blood staining your clothes. Green eyes can’t tear themselves away from you as he feels paralyzed until his eyes wander to your belongings resting next to you and he lets out a strangled noise. The horrible truth dawns on him when he sees the bag containing the pastries he asked for this morning. You died because of his request and he didn’t even predict it. Something shatters in his heart and mind as he turns around and stumbles away, requests to be alone. He walks around aimlessly until the sun sets and he collapses and the tears finally start to fall. It’s his fault, isn’t it?

👓You’re not woken up by your horrendous nightmare, much to your own surprise, but by the ringing of your phone. It rings and rings without giving you a break and you’re slightly confused who would call you in the middle of the night. Imagine your shock when you see the name of your boyfriend on the display which finally leads you to press the green button and accept the call. He doesn’t say anything, instead you just hear troubled breathing from the other side of the line and ask instantly if everything’s alright with him. You think that you hear something akin to choking back a sob when Ranpo hears your voice but you aren’t sure. In the end you don’t find out the reason why he called you in the middle of the night as he reverts after a while back to his carefree behavior although you suspect that he also had a nightmare which is a bit strange. You two hang up after a while but you find yourself lying awake for the rest of the night thanks to your dream. It’s shortly before you leave for work that Ranpo calls you again, tells you with urgency unlikely for him to heed safely to work.

👓Even without using his Super Deduction the way the day shapes to be just screams suspicious. Accident after accident which he predicts without the use of his outstanding intelligence. Simply because he’s witnessed it all before and finds himself growing tense. If he can go with anything from the dream, you shouldn’t go to the bakery where the shooting happens if he just doesn’t ask you for the pastry so he didn’t do it this morning. He also warns the Agency about the upcoming conflict about to happen in the district. He’s serious as he’s confident that this dream was more than a dream. The police is informed and for a while he dares to think that everything might be alright. Until he receives a from you. You overheard from some of your colleagues today that there’s a bakery selling some special pastry and thought that he might be happy if you were to buy him some. He nearly drops his phone out of horror. No. Why are you still there? He’s panicking, tells you with a raised voice to leave from there. You’re confused with his unusual reaction until your eyes land on a group of people.

👓Silence on the line, then footsteps of you running and the sound of guns being fired are the last things Ranpo hears before the call is ended. On the way to the crime scene, he’s on edge, constantly urges Yosano to drive faster as the image of your dead body is summoned in his memories. Why were you still there? Is it just fate for you to die on this day? He’s jumping out of the car and runs straight to Minoura, whose talking with a newbie in the police. He asks straight away for you, heart unbeknownst to everyone else trembling with fear. The older officer’s face shows recognition when he hears your name but no sign of grief or pity as he points over to one of the ambulances and tells Ranpo that you’ve awaited him. Your arm was graced by a bullet, otherwise you were lucky. You’re taken by surprise when the first thing that Ranpo does is crashing into you as soon as he sees you, head pressed against your shoulder as he mutters that he’s sorry over and over again. You’ve rarely seen him so vulnerable. He doesn’t seem to want to stray from your side for the rest of the day at all.

Yosano Akiko

🦋She’s heading down the rainy streets on that rainy evening, worried sick as she fails to yet call you again. Your voicemail has been the only thing that has been answering her calls for the last hour. An hour where you were supposed to reach the house yet you didn’t. You told her that you’d be a bit late because of the weather but this has been too long now to not alarm her. She knew she should have driven to your workplace to pick you up but you insisted on going alone since this weather isn’t ideal to drive in. As she heads down the roads, the wind occasionally blowing the cold rain in her face, she notices blue lights blinking in the close distance. The police. A keep out zone has been made and as she steps closer, she sees what has happened. A car has crashed into the sidewalk, it’s front is crashed. There’s something she notices with horror as she walks even closer. There’s blood staining the ground and the front of the car which leads her to the conclusion that a person must have been crushed in between the building and the car. This accident happened on the way you usually take to walk back home.

🦋A dreadful hunch fills her as she taps one of the officers on the shoulder and asks him what happened here. He luckily replies to her, tells her that due to the bad weather a car lost control and crashed into the sideway, hitting a civilian who wasn’t able to dodge in time. The driver was mildly hurt but still driven to the hospital. The other person on the other hand was pretty much crushed between the car and the now damaged building and was in need of immediate treatment due to their severe injuries. Her fingers clench tighter around her umbrella as she thanks the officer and starts walking with fast steps to the hospital. She is by now almost convinced that the person in the accident is you as everything adds up too perfectly. She’s seen the blood and can very well imagine that your injuries might be too fatal for you to push through. But her ability…her ability can save you. She starts running soon after, abandoning the umbrella as she prays that she makes it in time. She’s drenched in rain and disheveled when she arrives in the hospital and asks the people at the front where you are.

🦋When she tells them her relationship with you, they tell her that you were immediately delivered in a surgery room as your wounds required instant treatment. It’s probably still ongoing. She’s storming to the room, suppressing any tears all the time. She’s scared. When she arrives though, she sees that the doctor and a few of the assistants are standing outside, a solemn and grim look on their faces. As a doctor herself, she knows this look all too well. They tell her initially to leave when they see her until she asks what happened to you. The doctor tells her as carefully and gently as your wounds were too severe and you passed away whilst in surgery. She doesn’t want to believe it, pushes past all of them at first to get into the room. Despite being a doctor though, despite having been a medic during war, she is horrified when she sees your body. No heartbeat, no brain activity and the warmth that is fading away from your body as she holds your hand for the last time. She caries herself out with her head held high until she sits down in the hospital and starts crying as her grief takes over.

🦋Yosano awakes with the dawn of a new morning, sweating with the lingering feeling of terror still present in her chest as her eyes wander around and take in her surroundings. You’re already awake too and turn around with a concerned look as you ask her what’s wrong when you notice her condition. She’s panting, sweat glistening on her skin and her eyes stare at you in shock as if she doesn’t believe that you’re real for a few seconds. In the next moment she’s sitting up too and shuffles closer to you, grabbing your face and inspecting you as if looking for something. You give her half-concerned, half-flabbergasted look. Eventually the woman stops though, lets out a sigh and replies that it’s nothing besides a nightmare. You raise an eyebrow when you hear that but don’t dig deeper. The morning is at first quite normal as both of you take a shower since both of you are sweaty, dress up for work and enjoy your breakfast together. Both of you don’t want to worry the other with your nightmares, unaware that the other one dreamed exactly the same.

🦋It’s after all a nightmare and nothing more, right? Well, that turns out rather hard to believe as both of you head to your workplaces. Accidents, stories, the work you two have to do today, it all appears to be terrifyingly familiar. The entire day shapes up to be eerie thanks to all those “coincidences” and it puts you on edge and starts affecting Yosano even more. She’s not as oblivious and stubborn to ignore the red flags she notices throughout the day in the Agency. Images of your dead body, still lingering freshly in her mind, return and embed themselves inside her memory. She’s with her thoughts not as present as normally, as soon as no one wants something from her she spaces out. She checks the weather for this evening only to find no warning of a storm. But the storm took you by surprise too in her dream. When the end of your shift ticks closer, the sky darkens as thunder is heard throughout Yokohama and the clouds pour out everything they have to offer. That’s when she calls you and insists that she’ll pick you up. You tell her driving in this rain would be insane.

🦋Yosano in the end walks to your workplace as it’s about 20 minutes from your place with her umbrella and another one for you since you didn’t account for such heavy rain. The walk home is tense as something doesn’t feel right for both of you. She holds your hand tightly and you grab onto her with equal pressure as your stomach starts flipping with the nervous anxiety. A few minutes into your way home it happens. A loud squeal, followed by a signal-horn. Both of you see a car losing it’s track on the slippery street as it slithers into the sidewalk. You’re paralyzed in shock as memories flash through your mind and you recall the gruesome pain you felt when you were crushed. If it wouldn’t have been for Yosano who pushes you away so that both you tumble to the ground, it would have become yet again reality. You hit your head on the ground, start to feel slightly dizzy yet the shock keeps you conscious as you start hyperventilating a bit. Yosano inspects the bump on your head, feels relieved when she knows it’s nothing serious and afterwards just embraces you tightly.

Miyazawa Kenji

🌱It’s shaping up to be just another peaceful day for Kenji although his darling is currently hanging out with their friend somewhere else. He kind of wanted to tag along but it was fairly easy for you to persuade him into letting you head out alone. So he’s ended up walking around the city with Atsushi and Kyouka, buying some random things on the way. Mainly lots of food since Kyouka is insatiable as often. Everything is fine. Then Kenji’s phone suddenly starts to ring and Atsushi has to help him to accept the call as technology and phones are still fairly new for the boy who spent over a decade of his life in the countryside. He’s happy though when he sees your name on the display. Only that it isn’t your voice on the phone. He recognizes the voice of your friend crying on the other line, trying to form a coherent sentence yet completely failing to do so. Now, Kenji is certainly a bit more clueless but he isn’t dumb either. Something happened with you, didn’t it? There’s some time he spends calming down your friend, staying true to his optimistic side and telling them that all will be fine.

🌱They finally manage to explain everything to him after pulling their shit together. You two were caught by some sort of gang on your way and got threatened to follow along. You defended yourself though, freed yourself and your friend and both of you ran afterwards. You got caught though and the last thing you managed to do is throw your phone your friend’s way, already unlocked and screamed at them to run and call your boyfriend. The last thing they witnessed was you clawing and fighting with everything you had. He’s heard of this vicious gang in the Agency before, he’s heard how they treat their victims. Before Kyouka and Atsushi can ask him what’s suddenly with the strained look on his face, Kenji is already gone, pushing through the crowd, the phone still pressed against his ear. Your location isn’t too far away, hopefully he’ll make it in time. The boy reaches the place soon without any backup, maybe that’s why a few of them approach him so carefree, laughing at him when he asks them about you and pointing to an empty building behind them.

🌱He charges straight through the door, leaving all the guys from the gang beaten. He finds you unconscious in one of the rooms, a gun against your head as the leader is shaking in fear since they’ve seen what Kenji has done. He shouts that he’ll shoot you if he gets any closer and Kenji stays still for a moment, lifts his hands and tells them that he won’t do anything if they let you go. For a brief second they seem to consider until the worst happens. You regain consciousness, notice Kenji and the gun against your head and panic. Everything is over in a few seconds. You start frantically moving and defending yourself, Kenji steps closer to stop you, the leader gets terrified. One accidental pull of the trigger and in the next moment you collapse on the ground. All they can do is stare at what they did in horror before they look at Kenji. He stares at you for a few seconds with dull eyes before those empty eyes turn to stare at them. When Atsushi and Kyouka find him, he’s hugging you tightly, bawling and crying. He’s stained with blood, a deformed blob of flesh and bones the only thing left.

🌱The first thing the day has prepared for you when you wake up is the feeling of nearly being crushed. Seriously, it feels like someone’s going to break your lungs and it’s only when you turn around that you notice that it’s your boyfriend. He’s clinging onto you, arms wrapped around your torso, forehead pressed against your back as you hear his uneven breathing and the whimpering, the tears staining the material of your shirt. He realizes that you’re awake when he senses your movement as you turn around, stumbles out something from not having intended to wake you up from your sleep as he starts wiping away his tears. You’re worried, question him if he’s had a nightmare which he confirms. You admit to him that you also had a nightmare but don’t want to talk about it which he accepts after some prodding where he realized that you were serious. You two just spend the night hugging each other and comforting each other and you manage to doze off again until you have to stay up and start your day. Kenji seems to have recovered his optimism though.

🌱What you notice is that he’s clingier though as he follows you around as you do your morning routine. He follows you into the kitchen, into the bedroom and even waits in front of the toilet for you. You can’t help but wonder if this is a result of the nightmare that he’s had which in return makes you wonder what exactly he dreamed of. So you decide to ask him whilst both of you are eating breakfast together. You notice from the corner of your eyes how he halts his movement, a distant look in his eyes before he shakes that expression off. There’s still a faint look of pain in his eyes when he is candid about what he dreamed, unable to lie to you. Deep down he just wants your reassurance that it was merely a dream after all too. Instead you look at him with a expression filled with horror as you drop your chopsticks. Initially he believes your reaction to be because of the brutality of his dream but his demeanor changes when you press out with a shaking voice that you’ve had the exact same dream as he did. Both of you just stare at each other, reflecting the horror of each other.

🌱Your friend is plainly confused when they see Kenji following you since this was planned as a day only between you two. You convince them that it’ll be fine though, hiding the gruesome truth behind why he came along. It was already a small challenge to get here in the first place. Kenji wanted you to not meet your friend at first. In the end he only allowed it under the condition that he’d accompany you. Honestly, that puts you at ease though because if this really is an omen, then at least you have Kenji and his ability to protect you. Then it happens. The gang really comes, surrounds you and tells you three to just follow along without causing a scene. Only that with Kenji in the scene things are vastly different than in your dream. All he gives them is his normal smile before all of them start flying as he beats them up. When he sees one particular person, one you recognize too, the look in his eyes changes. You stop him before he can do something though, hiss at him that your friend is still here. Don’t worry, dear s/o, from now on he’ll always be with you to protect you.

Akutagawa Gin

⚫️Her darling has yet to find out about Gin's true identity since she never told them about her place in the Port Mafia. Yet the assassin can't bring herself to tell you about the crimes she already committed and her position in the Mafia. Everything is working so well for you two after all, you adore her and she loves you in her own slightly obsessed ways too. This is bound to fail, she can't keep this hidden from you her entire life yet she wishes that she could. Fate has different plans for you two though. It all boils down one day when you're out with her on a date and she gets flustered and shy with all the love you give her. There's someone following you two though, Gin has noticed since a while this guy that is tailing behind you two and it puts her on edge. She's in public right now, you're with her, if that person decides to attack then her whole cover will be blown. She tries to lose them, drags you suddenly somewhere through the crowd in hopes that she'll be able to shake them off without making you suspicious. She can deal with this but not as long as you're with her.

⚫️For a while everything appears to be fine as she can't see the person anymore when she turns around although she keeps her surroundings in check. Only when the sun sets and you two have settled down on a bench in a nearly empty park take things a drastic turn. Just as you two are about to depart they appear again and pull out a gun with shaking hands. You freeze in shock, Gin tenses up as the weapon is pointed right at her. They'll make her pay for what she did to their partner. That's when Gin realizes the situation. They know who she is and want to avenge someone she killed. You don't know what's going on, step slowly forward with raised hands and tell them to put away their gun since they got the wrong person. Gin flinches only slightly when she hears your words as shame and guilt washes over her. You don't know anything about her. They only hiss at you to stay away and that this woman there is an assassin of the Port Mafia who killed their spouse in cold blood. Gin slowly steps back, starts pulling out a knife from her handbag.

⚫️The setting sun shines on the metal though and in the next moment the person freaks out, screams at her to put the knife away. Fucking murderer, they will kill her and if it's the last thing they'll do! Multiple shots are fired all at once as fear and rage clouds their mind. All shots hit. Only that she isn't the one who got hit. You jumped in front of her and shielded her, unaware of her unnatural reflexes. Silence where only the ringing of the shots are heard as Gin perceives in slow motion how you fall with your face first to the ground, hears how they drop their gun in shock as they shot someone innocent. Then she lets out a short shriek of your name as she falls down next to you, begs you to stay conscious whilst she tries to stop the bleeding from the multiple wounds, staining her white dress and skin in your warm blood. It's for naught though and she can only look how the life fades away from you. They try to stammer out apologies as Gin clenches the knife in her hand but don't even get to finish their sentence as their throat is slit in the next moment.

⚫️The dream you have is anything but pleasant as it wakes you up in the earliest morning hours. You just lay in bed, panting and sweating as you try to relax again and ease your troubled breathing from the shock of dying in your dream. You find yourself, not really to your surprise, unable to fall asleep again and so you just decide to take a shower and prepare some things for your day. There's mild unease settling in when you notice the date of this day and remember that you have your date with Gin today. Normally that would fill you with excitement and giddiness but today you can't help but be a bit creeped out thanks to the unnerving dream you just had. Your phone starts ringing after a while which surprises you a bit. Who would call you at this hour? Strangely enough you're even more shocked when you see Gin's name on your display but accept her call immediately. Gin herself doesn't seem to know why she exactly called you, or rather doesn't want you to tell. She just wants to hear your voice, that's all. Very suspicious indeed.

⚫️You two still meet for your date although Gin certainly doesn't tell you about the weapons she's hidden in her dress and handbag when she sees you, eyes already trailing round to seek out that one person who killed you in her dream. Both of you act weird though. You notice here and there how she constantly glances behind her back and how her eyes constantly analyze the people around her whilst you space out and can't enjoy this all as much as you normally would. Gin notices your strange behavior just as much and is the first one to ask you about it. You give her a conflicted look as you don't want to concern her too much but find yourself unable to reject her worried eyes. You're frighteningly honest, too honest, to Gin as you admit everything to her. You want to tell her immediately after that she doesn't have to worry about that stupid dream, but stop when you notice that horrified and paranoid expression on her face. When you ask her what's wrong, she suddenly grabs you with unexpected strength and starts dialing a number in, asking to be picked up.

⚫️She doesn't tell you anything when you ask her, just insists for you to wait and trust her for just a bit longer. It all starts dawning on you when you see the car and the people inside of it. All of them have weapons and address her in a respectful tone as she tells them to take you away and protect you whilst she has some business to take care of. Your dream...no, it can't be. When you shout at her whilst pushed into the car if she really is an assassin in the Mafia, she stops for a short while and glances at you. A look that shatters you as your whole belief crashes down onto you. You're silently terrified the whole ride, when you're led into what you can only assume to be a hideout for the Mafia and when you're locked away in a room where you collapse on the ground and start silently hyperventilating as everything is too much for you in that moment. Gin returns after a while and all you do is glance shortly at her in her true attire before you look somewhere else. Gin doesn't know what she can say to you either right now. She just wanted you to be safe, that's all. Things probably won't go back to normal again.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

🍎You're not even aware of this man yet but Fyodor already knows everything about you. His little, sweet sin. His crime that he has to punish for tempting him into committing. It's a delightful task for the man though as his very existence is what causes you loss after loss, agony after agony. It isn't going to be any different for you today as you drive to work after another night where you cried yourself to sleep. Unaware that this will be your last day where you have the luxury of a job. Unaware that this is your last day in life. Ironically even the man with connections everywhere doesn't know about the tragedy that happens whilst he decides to busy himself with other things. Fyodor is informed an hour later about the accident. A truck suddenly swayed on the road, causing a massive road accident. Your car crashed into another one and tipped over. Your injuries were too severe, you succumbed to your wounds before the ambulance arrived. Fyodor doesn't show a visible reaction but spends a few minutes just staring at the message and mulling the words over.

🍎He's able to gain access to the footage of that specific street and watches in silence the accident unfolding again in front of his eyes. In a cruel way it's fascinating. In one moment you're driving safe and sound to your workplace, in the next your car topples over on the road. All previous work he has done is dropped as he starts focusing on your case, finds out where your corpse is kept and enables himself to see you one last time. It's strange, this clenching emptiness in his chest when he sees your dead body for the first and last time. Your skin even colder than his when he caresses your face with tenderness unlikely for a demon like him. He leans down to press a kiss against your forehead, inspects your bruised face. You don't look like you found peace and salvation in your death. There are no tears that he sheds for his darling but he leaves the building with his eyes stuck to the ground, deep in thoughts as he becomes aware of that hollow feeling he has in his chest, a dull pain as soon as he thinks about his darling. Won't they leave him in peace even in death?

🍎The driver of the truck has to be punished. They've committed a crime and Fyodor wants to bring them the judgement they deserve. They stole something precious from him. His darling was his cherished angel. An angel stained with sins but an angel nevertheless. The poor person gets abducted within the same day, shaking and trembling as they have no idea what's going on. They beg Fyodor to let them go since they're innocent yet shut up when they notice the glimmer in Fyodor's eyes, reflecting hell's fire itself. He asks them if they know what terrible thing he did for Fyodor to even deem them as worthy to not just kill them off like that. They can probably already think what he means but insist that they didn't intend to cause such a major traffic accident and kill and hurt so many people. Those are empty words and apologies at best in Fyodor's ears. The dead can't return after all which is why their sin can never be forgiven. A single touch of his hands is all it takes to end their life immediately but Fyodor finds no salvation in their death.

🍎He's never been a great sleeper, especially since he has anemia and suffers from a weaker health. There's no tantrum he throws, there is no tears he sheds. What he does is checking on his darling after recalling all the events of this rather detailed dream. You're alive but that doesn't quench this strange feeling. His intellect makes him one of the most terrifying criminals for a reason and he doesn't just brush this dream off as merely this. It was too detailed even for someone like him and considering that awakes a fascination and curiosity inside of him. He starts waiting for events in the world to happen which he is already aware of and in the next few hours he arrives at a truly interesting conclusion. That this wasn't a dream. No, it's the truth of what will happen and what might have already happened before. He's not even doubting this as he's too confident in his own intelligence and skills for such a thing. The question right now would be if you now just as much as he does. You were the main character in this tragedy after all.

🍎You think that God just hates you at this point. Your whole life has been a catastrophe since the last few weeks and now you even dreamed about your own death. It truly can't be any worse than this anymore. That's what you think at least. On your way to the bakery to buy something to eat as your own fridge is nearly empty due to the low payment you've received those last few weeks, you are not aware of the man who strokes serenely behind you, eyes observing you. You look tired and stressed out, have lost a bit of weight thanks to everything he put you through. There's no one in the bakery when you enter at first but you don't really care. Only when the door opens again and announces another customer do you spare a short glance at the man who just entered. You ignore him even as he stands right next to you, looking over the pastries and bread in the counter. It isn't until he suddenly asks you the question how your night was that you turn around with a slightly bewildered look. That's none of his concern after all.

🍎He returns a calm smile, one that slightly unsettles you though. You turn your eyes to the cashier as you wonder if they could help ou only to find them suddenly leaving which confuses you even more. You don't look all too well. Life must have been hard on you, isn't he right? You get all defensive when he starts talking like that to you although feat also starts striking you more and more as the sinister glimmer in his eyes freaks you out. He's curious, how does one feel when dreaming about their own death? Your face falls, eyes widen and your breath hitches when this question leaves his lips. A telltale sign and you only notice that he was waiting for this when you see the previously calm and arrogant smile taking on a more sinister form. Poor thing, he'll save you from your death and this life. You want to run, you want to scream but before you can do anything, something sharp penetrates your skin. A small needle injects something into your veins. You notice with blurring vision the cashier and his voice promising you that he'll save you from your own life.

Jouno Saigiku

♦️You've stopped believing in anyone since a long time ago. Your trust in the government of this country has been broken ever since they've started keeping you in a special building, all because Jouno asked them for a favor. Said favor being you. The Hunting Dog asked the government to essentially trap you for him and all they did was listen. You're not treated bad after all, Saigiku just loves you and doesn't want to endanger you, it's a small sacrifice for the safety of this country. That's all you've received from everyone in here as all of them don't value you more than one of the Hunting Dogs. Speaking of the man, he's currently out on a mission and you're alone as often. You don't have many visitors as nearly everyone is too afraid of Jouno since his somewhat possessive tendencies are known to everyone and as if lying would work on him. You're sitting on the edge of the bed, deep in thoughts until your food is delivered by someone you haven't seen so far. A new face. Not as if that would mean anything for you. You won't be allowed to see anyone besides Jouno.

♦️You dig in the food listlessly and start to chew, noting a slightly weird taste to it as well as the one who delivered the food to give you a conflicted look. You tilt your head curiously and they seemingly flinch at that gesture, chewing their bottom lip before turning around. Their head hangs low and just before they leave, you swear you hear them muttering an apology, that it's nothing personal and that they'll be soon gone too. What was that about? You're not particularly hungry and dislike the aftertaste of the meal so you leave it and just go back to your bed, grab a book that you recently got. After a while something weird happens though. A numbness spreading from your fingertips, your tongue and your lips to the rest of your body, accompanied by an ache in stomach and head. This doesn't feel normal so you run to the door, or at least attempt to do but you stagger as you find to your horror the numbness spreading fastly. You're barely able to knock on the door and cry out for help before you fall over, completely paralyzed and unable to breathe.

♦️Jouno returns a few hours later and the first thing he wants to do is checking on his little darling to see if they behaved well. Only that he's stopped by one of the guards working here who is terrified, heart beating fast and muscles tense and trembling who stumbles out that Jouno can't see you. The way Jouno smiles at him and tells him to explain what has happend during his absence probably makes them feel like they could wet themselves. When they tell the blind man finally that you were poisoned and suffocated alive due to a total body motor paralysis, all emotions leave his face. The guard isn't able to react in time when one of his hands wrap tightly around their throat and squeeze tightly as his fierce temper bursts out for a short while. It's only because Fukuchi and Teruko stop him that the guard is set free although Jouno tells him in an arctic tone to leave where he won't notice him. He sits the rest of the day in the room where you were confined silently. He took you because of his own possessive nature, sure. But he meant it when he said that he'd protect you.

♦️It's at first unusual, after thinking about it, not so unusual that Jouno suddenly wants to see you in the middle of the night. You just wish that it wouldn't be now, not after the horrific dream you just had where you suffocated whilst you were fully conscious due to some poison in your food. You're really losing your mind in here, aren't you? What surprises you is that there's no teasing, no greeting, no sadistic remark when he enters. In the dim light you notice his face, void of the normal nonchalant expression on his face spiking your anxiety. You did nothing wrong as far as you can remember, why is he looking at you like that?! The sudden increase in fear is noted by Saigiku who shots your worries down by telling you that he isn't here to hurt you or punish you. You only ease slightly though as you don't trust the male as far as you can throw him. Your eyes are glued to him as he sits down on the bed next to you. He's looking at you, you feel that even if you know that he's blind. You don't say anything and he doesn't either for a while.

♦️The motion of him suddenly petting your head in something you dare to name gentle affection startles you. He rarely is that gentle with you after all, you have every right to be disturbed and flabbergasted by this sudden affectionate gesture. You actually dare to ask him what's wrong but as most of the time, you don't receive an answer from him. Instead he replies to your question with his own question and asks you why your heartbeat and your breathing pattern was already so frantic before he even entered. You flinch but aren't exactly surprised to hear that. His heightened senses are a living hell since you can't keep anything a secret from him. You don't want to tell him about your nightmare, in the worst case he'll use it to torment you again and right now you wouldn't be able to handle that. When you feel his fingers running harsher through your scull though and asking you again the question, you realize that you don't have a choice. As always. You keep it vague though, only tell him that you had a rather disturbing nightmare. The reaction you receive is unexpected.

♦️It's all pressed out of you within minutes and all he has to do is basically retelling what he has dreamed about and the reaction of your heart and your body tells him everything he needs to know. He leaves as fast as he has come although you have by now realized that something is going on but are as always never informed. The only thing you witness later on that day, hours after Saigiku has gone on a mission, is a small commotion outside your door which quickly dies down though and leaves you wondering what has happened. When Jouno returns, whatever small tension he might have had throughout the day leaves when he's informed by a guard that they captured the intruder. They are terrified when Jouno enters the room they're kept in, already informed about the background and their motives. Revenge on him by poisoning his innocent lover? That's exactly why such vile people as them should just die. Why not have a taste of the food just so they know what you went through? He leaves you in the dark about the truth, just dotes on you slightly more in return.

Suehiro Tetchou

🌸Recently there has been some tension in the city thanks to a rather heated conflict between the Port Mafia and a foreign gang who tries to interfere with their business and affairs, numerous fights have already been ended with the cost of the lives of citizens. It worries you but it makes your partner even more anxious. Tetchou is protective, very much so, and you know that already. You've promised him to inform him as soon as something happens. He hopes that it won't come this far yet hope is rarely something you should put your trust into as he receives one day a message from you. No context is given besides the name of a place but there is no need for any context as he can already think why you mailed him. He immediately tries to call you but you don't pick up which results in him suffering a short heart attack. There are no orders for him currently so he storms out to the location you sent him. Teruko and Jouno end up tagging along. Both of them are bored as it is and when they hear Tetchou's hasty explanation, they take the chance to catch some terrorists.

🌸They arrive just in time to see a car leaving the abandoned place and as soon as they see them, they start firing. What other confirmation do they need? Plum Blossoms in Snow is instantly used by Tetchou and that without any worries as Jouno confirms to him that his darling isn't inside the car. He grabs the first guy closest to him when he storms over to the now split car and asks them in a serious tone what happend with you. A frightened realization dawns on the face of the guy when they become suddenly aware that the insanely strong man in front of them is in fact your lover. Their lack of an answer does nothing to soothe Tetchou's worries though as his grip by now threatens to snap some bones. They let out a cry before they point to the river, stuttering out that you walked in onto them disposing of some bodies from the Port Mafia and had to be silenced too. The statement implies everything Tetchou needs to hear to feel his heart stopping for a moment in his chest. He steps back in shock before he storms to the shore of the river.

🌸True to what they told him, he sees a few dead bodies floating in the water as soon as he runs into the river although none of them interest him as he frantically searches for you. The final sight that truly breaks him in the end is when he finally finds you, the water around you stained in red. He's shaking, slightly hyperventilating when he pulls you out of the water and notices with horror that you were shot through your lungs yet are still clinging to life for some miracle. Your pulse is faint and is getting weaker and weaker though as you choke out blood. Your eyes flatter open weakly when you hear a familiar voice calling shakily for you. When he realizes that you're conscious, he promises you that he'll get you to a hospital immediately. All you can do is lift your hand weakly which he quickly grasps, give him a weak smile and whisper something that destroys his very core. "You came. I knew that you'd come." You die seconds later in his arms, taking half of his heart with you. He should have done more. Then you'd still be alive but instead he failed you.

🌸It's truly not a pretty way to wake up as you nearly tumble out of your bed out of shock when you wake up from one of the worst nightmares you had in years, maybe even the worst of all. You attempt to be rational though as you take deep breaths to calm your racing heart down. You've spend a lot of time investigating all the fights, have read reports of all the victims and how many of them died. It wouldn't be unlikely for all of that pressure and lingering terror in your heart to result in a dream like that. There's nothing for you to fear though. You work for the government, you often work together with the Hunting Dogs, your partner is one of them and you yourself aren't completely defenseless. You chant those few lines again and again in your head until you've regained your composure enough but then it's already too late to go back to sleep. Instead you just shower, dress up, eat, brush your teeth and go through a few files of the most recent attacks again. Your phone is on silent mode so all the messages and calls from Tetchou go unnoticed.

🌸Only when you drive to your workplace do you see him. He's standing right in front of the building and as soon as he sees you, he rushes to you. You're very confused to why he's here but can't ask him this question when he nearly crushes you in a tight embrace. He seems desperate judging from the way he squeezes you so you decide to return the hug for now. You stand there for a few minutes like this and slowly you start to feel embarrassed from the looks the people who pass by give you. You try to convince him to let go now which he eventually does, reluctantly. When you ask him what that was for, he replies that you didn't answer to his calls and messages. That's when you check your phone for messages and calls are quite stunned from the sheer amount he spammed you with. Has something happened? That question triggers something in him as you notice his whole body tensing up and a sorrowful look flashing inside his eyes. You assure him that you'll listen and as the honest soul he is with you, Tetchou tells you about the dream he had.

🌸Instead of comfort from you, you stumble back in horror after he's finished talking. You show him your back, start rambling to yourself that this can't be true, that this is some really twisted coincidence and nothing more. The fright and fear you radiate puts Tetchou at even more unease and he notices how you've started to shake when he rests both of his hands on your shoulder and questions you what's wrong all of a sudden. The look you give him when you turn around is pure paranoia as memories of your terrible death flash in front of your inner eye and you reply in a voice merely above a whisper that you've dreamed the exact same thing. The paranoia in your eyes appears in his eyes all at once as his grip around you tightens. Both of you aren't stupid. This can't be brushed off as a mere coincidence. You find yourself being dragged away by Tetchou despite your protests as he insists that this time he will protect you. Your personal freedom might be limited, you might lose your workplace but despite all of that he's convinced he's doing what's right. Can't you see that?!

Sigma

☁️Sigma isn't terrible. He's kind, he's caring, tends to your wishes and worries with the best of his abilities. Yet you're stuck in the Sky Casino most of your days in a special suite, cameras are nearly everywhere in your room and guards are constantly looking out for you. All because you're not just a lover for Sigma. You're his identity. You're his home, his family, you're the purpose he always wanted for life. Because of you he became someone and he is precisely because of that so terrified and paranoid to lose you and let you go. Your emotions about the man in question are conflicted as you don't hate him, you might even love him in a way yet you also can't forgive him from cutting you off from the world down there. You often lament silently about your situation and try to pinpoint how you feel about Sigma. That day isn't really any different as you walk around the hallways, for once not accompanied by guards which took a bit of begging Sigma for it. You bump on your stroll through the hallway into someone unknown though.

☁️ You notice how they carry a bag around with them, some of the content falling out of it which they frankly collect again. Aren't those coins used in his casino? They don't even notice you when you step carefully closer, not until they look up and you're standing nearly next to them. They're clearly startled, press the bag closer to them and shuffle away from you. That's when you realize what's going on. They're a customer who gambled too much and ended up in major debt and stole those coins to gamble more, where they got them from is above your knowledge though. You pity them a bit, decide to just leave them since they'll be caught anyways. They seem to just continue down the hall too. Only that in that exact moment Sigma and his men appear. The composed look on Sigma's face is replaced with fear when he sees you though, tells you to get quickly away from that person. Unfortunately it's already too late, your arm is suddenly twisted behind your back and a knife pressed against your throat as they start threatening to hurt you.

☁️They're desperate and so is Sigma right now which is why he tells his staff to not shoot. He steps hastily closer as he tries his very best to stay calm, promises his customer that he will forget all about their debt as long as they let you go. They stare at him for a nerve-wracking amount of time before they slowly let you go and Sigma quickly ushers you to come to him. That moment is short-lived though as from the other side another guard appears, gun pointed straight at the thief. Everything happens too fast for Sigma to control then. The customer turning around and attempting to grab you, Sigma hiding you behind his back, the new guard shooting the customer, them trying to stab Sigma and you shielding him which results in the knife being plunged right into your throat. You collapse straight into Sigma's arms, twitching and choking on your own blood whilst Sigma starts shouting for help, his composure shattering as he tries to stop the bleeding, starts crying and begging for you to stay with him. Your body soon goes limb in his arms though and all at once his sense of self is shattered. Without you he's a nobody.

☁️Sigma only exposes his more insecure and vulnerable side to you and rarely to anyone else yet even you're caught off guard when he slams the door to your room open and storms to your side. Before you can even begin to ask him what's wrong, he almost throws himself at you, arms wrapped tightly around you and face buried in your shoulder. You take notice of the way his whole body is trembling and the wetness staining your clothes from his tears. So you swallow all possible questions you could ask him down and just wrap your arms carefully around him too, returning his hug. Neither one of you says much for the next hour as he at one point just lays down in bed with you and stays with you, trying to gain some semblance of sanity again. Even when you attempt to ask him about what happened after he has seemingly calmed down a bit, although he's still cuddled right next to you, he refuses to speak of it. He avoids the topic at all costs and eventually you give it up. He stays until the morning with you before he leaves you, very much to his displeasure.

☁️Throughout the day he constantly checks on you though, tightens the security around your room and insists for you to stay today in your room. This goes very much against your wishes and annoys you as you don't understand why he's acting like this. You've seen his insecure and more irrational phases before but this is something even worse and the most annoying thing is that he doesn't want to worry you and for that doesn't tell you anything. It's so frustrating. To your luck the guards keeping watch in front of your room are almost friends to you by now so you manage to negotiate with them that they will let you out of your room but will accompany you. It isn't ideal but you take what you're offered. You need some short change just to fully get rid of that gruesome nightmare of yours. What you tried to forget though comes back to haunt you when you see the same person staying in front of you, shaking when they notice the two guards. The guards pull out their guns when they notice the bag filled with coins, tell you to go back to your room.

☁️When you storm back to your room, you see Sigma who also rushes towards you. He's already beginning to scold you with a mixture of mild anger and paranoia until he hears you. All you do is stutter out that you have to stay in your room, that the person with the stolen coins from your dream is there, that you don't want to die before you leave him standing there and slam the door behind you shut. You weren't specific but Sigma understood everything you just told him. In the next moment he's calling for more guards, tells them to arrest the customer but to not kill them. Not yet. Honestly, he could have let it slide if it would have only been a dream of his but you had the same dream, you were the one sacrificing yourself for him and dying. They took you away from him, murdered you. Now he can't ignore this anymore. If they're so desperate for the coins, he'll give it to them. Only that Sigma will show them the special function for those coins too. You never hear of that person again, notice though how Sigma grows far more overbearing than he used to be.

[misslaevna]

could you write dazai, chuuya and akutagawa with a fem s/o who kisses them in the middle of an argument?

Here you go! ♡ I actually got another request with this same trope, y'all like kissing bsd men huh hehe

When you kiss them in the middle of an argument

characters: Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa

tw: idk fighting?? slight violence (we're talking about Chuuya here after all) but not towards s/o (reader is just referred to as 'you')

masterlist and requesting

≪ Dazai ≫

It was rare for the two of you to argue - mostly because Dazai usually took off god knows where before an argument could’ve happened.

When he returned, he reassured you everything is fine; he’s fine, you’re fine, your relationship is fine.

You, however, didn’t feel fine.

Both of you knew this can’t go on forever and the situation you (he) created was like a ticking bomb, bound to explode sooner or later.

And finally it did.

‘Osamu, no. You’re not pulling another disappearing act. We’re having this out in the open, right here, right now.’, you yelled while grabbing onto his coat when he was about to turn the doorknob.

‘Are we?’ he said in a tone which sent shivers down your spine. A tone so gentle, so soft, yet so… intimidating, it sent shivers down your spine. As if the aura of the room has changed, as if the tension was frozen in the air between you two.

When he turned his head towards you, his eyes met with yours - his gaze, like daggers into your soul. Those eyes, those sinister eyes - you could swear those eyes weren’t human.

Not that his sinister gaze would scare you, though. You tightened your grip around his  arm, took a deep breath and dived into the deep, dark depths of… basically everything you couldn’t say to him until now.

Before you realized, you weren’t the only one raising your voice: it was also him. 

Both of you were like oil to each other’s fire - one of you said one thing, the other spiraled off of that, and before long, even the collected and smart Dazai was resorting to petty arguments.

Until…

‘Well, y/n, I don’t even know why I always come back, but I always do! I just always have to come back to you!’

‘You mean you never once intended to come back when you left?!’ you screamed with tears in your eyes.

‘And you know what’s funny?! I can’t go a day without you, and I always fucking end up here, because I don’t know what else to do! I keep thinking about you, I keep wanting to come back because I love you, and I never felt like this before with anyone else! I ju-’

Before he could finish the sentence, as if your body moved on its own - you grabbed him by the collars of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss.

This man wasn’t constantly leaving to hurt you - he didn’t know what else to do.

When you kissed him, Dazai’s body slowly but surely into the kiss and his lips rested on yours with a newfound serenity.

He placed his hands on your waist, holding you firmly, as if you could slip out of his touch any minute - no. He couldn’t allow that to happen. 

He needs you. He wants to be beside you, he really does. He wants to protect you, he wants to support you, he wants to be your boyfriend. He so desperately wants you to be happy, and he wants to be the reason for your happiness.

When you pulled away from the kiss, you were at a loss for words, as if you poured all your affection and love into that one, passionate kiss.

‘Y/n… I don’t want to want to leave anymore.’

‘You’re not going anywhere.’ you whispered, pulling him into a tight hug - for the first time, you felt like you made huge progress forwards in your relationship.

≪ Chuuya ≫

‘For fuck’s sake!’ Chuuya screamed; you, however, were unsure if this was directed towards you or he was just swearing to himself.

Because currently, he was doing both.

You had arguments, sure - but fights, not that much.

This one seemed serious though: two wine glasses already crumbled to pieces in Chuuya’s hands.

Looking back at it, it was somewhat expectable that you two would have a fight sooner or later: Chuuya’s been working like crazy nowadays, sometimes not sleeping for 40 hours, not coming home at all, not even responding to your texts. 

At this time, Chuuya’s been awake for around 35 hours. He just arrived home, not even saying hi to you, not a kiss, not a hug, nothing - he headed straight into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of red wine, but the wine opener seemed to be lost.

Which was, for some reason, your fault. 

‘Why did you have to misplace that fucking wine opener, y/n?! I’m so fucking done I swear to god!’ he growled, pacing up and down in the kitchen. 

‘Maybe take a better fucking look around and instead of blaming me, act like a decent fucking person!’ you yelled, crossing your arms, returning the death glare he was shooting in your direction.

Finally, he stopped pacing.

You thought this is it and he’s calmed down.

You were wrong.

He slammed his fist into the kitchen counter, so hard that it crumbled. 

‘I’m way too fucking stressed for your bullshit!’ he screamed, staring at the destroyed kitchen counter, his hand still in a fist, his jaw clenched.

You were so, so frustrated with him - but your heart ached for him.

‘Y/n, seriously, just fu-’

You knew Chuuya better than to lose your cool and spiral into an actual, full-fledged fight. This wasn’t the first time he came back completely stressed out, and this wasn’t the first time you suffered the consequences of his stress from work - he had outbursts like this sometimes, but nearly not as serious as this one.

So you carefully placed your hands on his cheeks, and leaned in - gently placing your lips onto his.

For a moment, as if Chuuya froze into place by your sudden choice of action.

After a couple of seconds, you let go of the kiss and looked into his eyes. ‘Better?’

Chuuya let out a loud breath through his nose - now it was him who locked his lips onto yours. Much more passionately and possessively than you did.

After the kiss, he placed one of his hands on your waist, and another on your neck while he leaned his forehead against yours. 

‘Much better. Y/n, I’m so fucking sorry.’

You let out a faint smile, pressing a kiss on his forehead. 

‘Let’s go to bed, baby. We’re both tired.’ you said.

≪ Akutagawa ≫

You’re not… sure what you’re doing right now.

Are you having a passive aggressive conversation or an argument?

It’s sometimes very hard to pin that down with Akutagawa.

But once again, the topic was no other than his previous mentor, Dazai.

You hated talking about that bandage-wasting machine. You hated how he ruined Akutagawa, you absolutely despised how he skewed your lover’s perspective about basically everything.

But most of all, you hated how he poisons Akutagawa’s mind to this day. 

It was one of those evenings where Akutagawa was both lost in thoughts and lost in training - if you could call that training. To you, it looked like it was training labeled as torture.

‘Ryu, stop.’ you demanded, for the hundredth time. You knew he trains rough, but this was just pointless suffering at this point. 

You always knew how much pain, suffering and despair he’s carrying inside his heart - and you always meant to share the burden, to ease it up a little. However, that was not always easy.

‘I can’t! I need to get stronger, don’t you get it?!’ he screamed, while Rashoumon ominously towered behind him - almost as if it’s ready to launch, towards you.

‘No, don’t you get it?!’ you yelled back, while marching towards him.

‘You are enough!’ you shouted once again, but this time, straight to his face. Akutagawa’s eyes widened at your sudden outburst - you very rarely raised your voice, so every occasion you chose to, caught him off guard.

What caught him off guard even more was that you pressed your lips on his after screaming his head off.

Stunned by your sudden affection, all he was capable of doing was to place his hand on your arm while slowly but surely giving in and returning the kiss.

After your lips parted, you looked into his eyes, taking a deep breath and loudly exhaling through your nose. ‘Do you believe me now?’

Akutagawa stood there quietly, still quite surprised from your sudden course of actions - after a couple seconds which seemed like forever, he slowly nodded, staring at the ground.

‘Forgive me.’

You gently shook your head, ‘It’s alright, dear. Let’s go and get some tea.’

Akutagawa softly smiled. ‘Sounds good.’

___________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

more from me:

taking care of a sick reader (Dazai, Chuuya)

hugging Fyodor headcannons

[kyouka-supremacy]

Okay about Beast sskk; because I realized I've got a very definite picture of what the Beast post-canon is like that is only in my mind and I never actually put down, so here we go. Very needed content warning of sickeningly fluff and Beast sskk being disgustingly in love with each other, I suppose.

After Dazai killed himself, Atsushi is reasonably tormented, and can't sleep at night. Roaming across Yokohama late at night, he always ends up at Akutagawa's– instinctively, unconsciously, to an extent even unwillingly. He doesn't choose to, it's more about countless nights unable to sleep spent wandering with no destination and still always finding himself in front of Akutagawa's place for some reason. Akutagawa somehow always knowing when it's going to happen so that he can face him before Atsushi has time to hesitate and run away. How they don't really need words or explanations most of the time, how for Atsushi knowing that there's another person who understands is enough, and everything he needs. How before Atsushi realizes it (and thus keeping him from trying and prevent it), Akutagawa's house has become the only place where he can fall asleep.

That's how they start living together before even being together. They might not even have an actual “getting together” moment, you know? The development of their relationship is so natural and spontaneous, it was meant to end that way from the beginning. Besides, Beast sskk don't really need words between them, so... I suppose an actual confession, albeit nice, would be almost superfluous.

Soon enough they move together to a small apartment near the ada (I'm assuming Atsushi has still enough money saved from his old job). Against popular belief, with time it kind of crystallized in me the idea that Atsushi wouldn't join the ada? His life to that point has constantly been doused by violence and pain and death, he deserves a long break to cope with all the trauma; throwing him right back to another environment where he's constantly pushed to fight and use his ability would not do any good to his mental health; especially when he's got such a conflictual and hating relationship with Byakko, even worse than it is in canon. I wasn't kidding about the house husband thing. Beast Atsushi stays home and chills down and is safe and away from all major sources of stress and triggering environments. Slowly, with time, he goes out more often, gradually relearns what normality is supposed to be like, and bit by bit all his traumatic experiences get more distant, and the nightmares more rare. Akutagawa follows up with his ada job– obviously! There's a whole deal in the end about how important it is for him to keep doing his job and trying to be good. I do believe the ada is the right place for Akutagawa. He returns home to Atsushi who always welcomes him with warmth and joy, and they cuddle a lot.

But I also believe that there would be times when Atsushi is required to go back to action and fight– he's not a member of the ada and he doesn't work for them, but it's obvious that when the ada is in danger and Yokohama is facing serious threats, the guild and the rats and ultimately the doa, the times will call for his intervention. He usually comes to help or rescue Akutagawa, a trump card of sorts. And it's endearing, how Akutagawa is always the one, even among the ada, most contrary on getting Atsushi involved, how he wants to protect him and keep him away, how more than anything he wants him to be safe. As for Atsushi, I really like the concept of this man who retired from action, that spends most of his time at home or chatting with the seniors in the neighborhood, who joins the fight only when the situation is most desperate and reveals himself to be the most powerful and destructive beast to have ever walked on earth. He reluctantly fights, and together with Akutagawa they end up saving the day for everyone, because as Dazai himself said nothing can stop the both of them together.

On the other hand, when the world isn't ending Atsushi solves that very specific role of crime drama protagonist's husband who's very supportive of their partner and listens to them ramble at home about their cases. He often offers useful insights on how criminal organizations work.

Atsushi didn't replace his collar after it broke. They're barely visible under his turtleneck, but he has now wrapped bandages in its place: to hide his scars, to keep the memory of Dazai with him everywhere he goes, to remember what he's lost but also what he's gained.

Ah, and when it comes to the fight against Fukuchi, Atsushi is the one to die for Akutagawa, of course.

Headcanons that directly contradict something stated above but that I still like:

Sskk get together after six months– it's got an ironic taste to it, the timestamp their canon counterparts set to kill each other now being the time they declared their love to each other. It's so soon, but also is it really? They immediately clicked the moment they met each other, and they were always destined to be. At that point, there's no one in the world they need more than they need each other.

In case of Atsushi still wearing the collar for some time after the canon events: sskk had their first kiss when Atsushi took the collar off for the first time. Ever since Dazai died, Atsushi is haunted and unstable; he's throughout scared of taking off the collar, terrified by the idea of hurting someone unintentionally, now that Dazai can't be there to controll him (both through his ability and by the general power he used to have over Atsushi's psyche). Akutagawa sees how much Atsushi is physically hurting, and insists on him taking the collar off; they fight over it for months (verbally, for the most part, except for a couple of times when the fights become physical– but without abilities), before Akutagawa finally manages to convince Atsushi to take it off for a few hours. When they're alone, because after months of being persuaded, Atsushi can trust Akutagawa to be able to defend himself; and also something about “you would never hurt me”. Thing is, when Atsushi finally takes it off, he quickly spirals into a HUGE panic attack, not able to trust himself not to harm the people he cares about; and the only person around is Akutagawa, and he cares about him deeply. The tiger is taking over, and Akutagawa is panicking, and he's desperately looking for a way to quickly ground Atsushi so he just. Kisses him. Which effectively works in the way it immediately distracts Atsushi, as well as causes him to zone out for several minutes. Akutagawa immediately apologizes, and then panics again when Atsushi doesn't answer for a while. It's kinda cute. After that, Atsushi gradually learns to take his collar off more and more often; this time, he can really trust that, if Akutagawa is with him, everything is going to be okay.

[calmlb]

have some silly skk wedding hcs bc. idk i just wanted to yell w someone abt them

chuuya cries in sporadic bursts the day of but taken altogether it's like 3 hrs of hysterical sobbing

dazai doesn't cry at all because he slips into like a shocked fugue state the second he sees chuuya but he DOES bawl like a baby the next morning

nobody who attended remembers past like hour 4 of the wedding and six months later they're still uncovering some of the wild shit they did during the afterparty. this is because the wedding staff accidentally became part of the celebration and the photographer, who was supposed to record the whole thing, ended up sleeping with one of the cast. it was kunikida.

just to be obnoxious ranpo proposes to poe and chuuya has to be held back by a crying w laughter dazai from Physically Attacking Him

dazai insists on having a bouquet to throw, which he purposefully angles for akutagawa to catch. atsushi faints, lucy's face progresses from angry -> considering in real time (they r a throuple real)

chuuya picks his best man/maid of honor fairly easily (hirotsu and kouyou duh) but dazai basically told the ada to figure it out amongst themselves and come back to him with their decisions (he's lazy/genuinely didn't know who to pick and wanted to outsource) and there was Actual Violence

lots of drama over whether or not to invite mori and verlaine. turns out to be a nonissue bc all verlaine does is cry in a corner about a) rimbaud and b) holy shit my little brother is getting married and after hour 6 mori and fukuzawa disappear from the event (neither they nor anyone else remembers this. very lucky)

ango receives an invitation with no context and has like 3 mental breakdowns about what this means for his and dazai's relationship

7 hours in (it was a long party) kenji's cow somehow shows up (he swears up and down it wasn't him, everyone's very confused the next morning)

it was a sunset wedding, dazai wore white and chuuya wore blue

adam and shirase and some other members of the sheep are there. adam makes fast friends with kyouka, meanwhile the former sheep are very narrowly spared dazai's wrath, mostly bc he keeps forgetting they're even there. it's a big wedding

tachihara tried to drunkenly breakdance, gin laughed so hard she thought she got heart palpitations and was afraid for her life. she went to look for mori and walked in on him and fukuzawa. none of them remember this but now gin feels a vague sense of horror every time she looks at her boss and she's not really sure why

yosano tries rizzing kouyou up and fails by any normal metric (yosano: please please please please please please please please please please) but kouyou is Tipsy and Charmed

dazai does indeed burn the marriage certificate (TRY RETURNING ME WITHOUT A RECEIPT, CHIBI!!). chuuya is so in love he starts crying again

higuchi and tanizaki had philosophical discussions about life on the rooftop and accidentally solved the secrets of the universe. they do not remember this

kunikida returns from his steamy rendezvous with the photographer and immediately sets his sights on ango. drunk kunikida knows what he wants (twinkish men) and when he wants them (now). there is a reason one of the most important ideals in his notebook is to Not Drink

the guild is there and are generally having a good time until fitzgerald sees tsujimura (only there as ango's plus-one, got abandoned bc of drunk kunikida's machinations) and calls her a blue-haired liberal, and hey, what's a party without a brawl in the middle of the dance floor

between the guild and the wedding staff half the people at the party weren't even invited. which is why the doa and hunting dogs are also there

kenji, kyouka, q, elise, and aya are having a Kids' Party in a separate room with adam as an extremely enthusiastic babysitter (well, more like occasional check-in-er, he's swinging back and forth between the parties). tecchou joins them after a while and has a great time, as all except aya are extremely fascinated by his unholy food combinations

bram and lovecraft kickstart their enemies-to-lovers arc the second they set eyes on each other

fyodor, dazai, kajii, and nikolai start up a game of Knife Monopoly, to everyone's surprise the extremely determined caterer sweeps them all. sigma is smitten at once and immediately starts to flirt with her (the caterer is a milf who is seduced by sigma's transgender rizz, sigma will eventually have an entire 'convincing the stepkids' family movie arc)

teruko FUCKS IT UP on the dance floor, haruno is so impressed she immediately falls into her first disastrous sapphic crush

hirotsu and natsume mutually agree to restart their homoerotic situationship without ever even actually saying two words to each other, someone has to take skk's place now that they've more or less gotten their shit together

katai wasn't there physically but was supervising through security cameras. he's the only one who will ever know everything that happened that night and deleted the footage due to trauma :( sorry katai

tsujimura and mushitarou bond over how desperately they Do Not Want To Be There

skk Try to have a romantic wedding night(/morning, given how long the afterparty stretched) but they are both too drunk, chuuya trips and falls flat on his face and dazai laughs so hard he throws up

omg i started yapping and then i just didn't stop. i didn't even know i had this many thoughts in my head. i am sending this before i can regret it feel free to delete if u want to

anon. THESE ARE SO GOOD OMG???? i could literally visualize a whole fic just by reading these hcs

adding my comments under the cut so it doesn’t get too long 🫣

ok first of all… the skk crying hcs??? CANON OMG im so obsessed

Ranpo turning skk’s wedding into his engagement party is so true of him. he absolutely would

Dazai totally would insist on a bouquet to toss, & him throwing it at to Akutagawa is so funny 😭

SOMEONE SAVE ANGO PLS-

KENJI’S COW IM SOBBING it reminds me of that wan episode where Atsushi asks Dazai what Yosano needed & he was like “… a cow!” boba eyes & everything

i had never thought of Adam & Kyouka being buddies but my life is changed now tysm for this revelation

NOT GIN BEING SCARRED BY ZENKU SKK 💀 someone get my girl outta there

ok but tipsy + charmed Kouyou is a vision

Chuuya tells Dazai that burning the marriage certificate means they’re not married anymore & that’s when Dazai finally breaks down into tears

ok Higuchi & Tanizaki is another duo i never considered and i LOVE IT???

KUNIANGO SO TRUE

TSUJIMURA A BLUE HAIRED LIBERAL I AM SCREAMING

omg i love the kids party & skk are both good with kids so they definitely would make sure the kids are taken care of 🥹 Adam would be such a good babysitter, and Tetchou too??? omg giving me fic ideas with this one

super invested in this caterer x Sigma arc tbh

ykw i was thinking abt bsd rarepairs the other day & couldn’t figure out who to ship Teruko or Haruno with… should’ve thought of this honestly

SOMEONE SAVE KATAI TOO OMG THAT POOR MAN-

now that you mention it… i actually love the idea of Tsujimura & Mushitaro but i think it’s mostly bc her hair matches his suit PFFT

skk’s ideal honeymoon = SLEEP 😫

i’m so glad you didn’t stop yapping non, this was so wonderful tysm i feel blessed 🥹🩷 please feel free to yell abt hcs or say hi anytime!! 🫶🏻💕💕

[fudanshipoe]

bungo stray dogs, themes of trauma, the abuse cycle, and how ranpo's disability+autistic trauma is an integral part of untold origins ★

🦴 abilities represent trauma and trauma responses

🦴 trauma as a theme of cycles

- the abuse cycle

- the "savior" cycle

🦴 the government, war, and society

- yosano, mori

- verlaine, chuuya

- fukuchi, teruko

- the role of the government

🦴 untold origins

- ranpo's ability is autistic masking

- his trauma

- untold origins through the lens of autistic trauma

wc; 2.6k (Origins quotes included in pictures only but I explain them briefly)

(this is also crossposted on Twitter, this is a long read format)

In this I want to cover trauma, and by extent mental illness, as an overarching theme in BSD, and how it portrays the cycles and effect of abuse, war, and is an exploration of traumatized individuals operating in a world not built for them. Additionally, Untold Origins is about autistic trauma.

Despite the approach of supernatural themes, Bungo Stray Dogs lends itself heavily to the discussion of trauma, mental illness, and its effects. One of the most notable themes in Bungo Stray Dogs is trauma and abuse, but it extends beyond the main abuse chain that most recognize to partially originate from Mori and end with Kyouka (Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka, to be specific). There is a large focus on the abuse cycle and how trauma affects people. Emphasis is also placed on the specific structural abuse and violence of society within the world of BSD. The complexities of the abuse cycle are highlighted in organizations such as the Port Mafia, which is by far the most recognizable example within the series, but the government as another authoritative state plays another role in the cycle. BSD shows its readers various depictions of how trauma will manifest or affect two people who encounter the same thing. BSD shows a very honest depiction of mental illness in general, but it's specifically in how trauma affects the characters that these themes become integral to the story.

To start off the actual analysis, abilities themselves are representative of trauma responses. They arise from high stress situations in order for the user to have a protective mechanism for themself, uncanny to how actual trauma responses develop. Whether you think it is non-exclusive because abilities are based upon literature, many if not all of the characters’ abilities parallel their trauma. This is highlighted with tons of the characters, obviously, but I'll only point out a few because a separate analysis would be needed for every ability in the series (I want to one day, but not now). Each ability exhibits what each ability user needed in order to survive. Atsushi was a victim of child torture from what could have been birth, or at least since coming into the orphanage, to young adulthood, and he needed to become something to combat it. Beast Beneath the Moonlight is an ability that allows Atsushi to become something near invulnerable, with his impenetrable fur, regeneration, and the claws that cut through abilities themself. No Longer Human reflects how Dazai never allows anyone to get close to him, how he always keeps his guard up, how he never allows himself the vulnerability of being seen or touched. Both literally and metaphorically. Akuatagwa, similar to Atsushi, growing up in the slums needed a way to protect himself, Gin, and the other children around him. His ability is one that I feel is the most obvious with its connection to his trauma, as it is so important in depicting his relationship with Dazai and his own ability, though that is more about his coat itself than explicitly Rashomon. He only had the clothes on his back to protect him, so that is what manifested, the ability to control and kill his enemies with what little shield he had against the world. These will be the only ones I highlight in this section as they're some “main” examples and this is not meant to be exclusively on what the ability represents for individual characters. There are also plenty of characters that we can only speculate on, as we don't know much about their past, if at all many of them.

The cycle of abuse is the main theme present under the topic of trauma and how it relates to BSD's story. The most notable abuse chain that runs from Mori, to Dazai, to Akuatagwa, and finally ending with Kyouka is easily the most recognizable example of this. Whether you believe Mori's relationship with Dazai, and affect on him, was inherently classified as child abuse is irrelevant here and up to interpretation, I suppose, as a lot of people seem to believe so for some reason. Regardless, you cannot deny that the lessons of optimal solutions, needing to live for a purpose, and harsh treatment runs in this line of mentor/mentee relationships.

This is also the case between Mori and Yosano, though I'm not sure how much Mori would constitute as a “mentor” to Yosano over just being her superior, considering his relationship and treatment of Yosano is vastly different compared to Dazai. The cycles of abuse is not only present within the mentor/mentee cycle of BSD either, another major example is how many characters treat others based upon how they would treat themself, and this treatment arises from a place of projection. In the Dark Era, Mori acts according to his own judgment, assuming that Dazai will not act adversely based upon the shared qualities he sees of himself in Dazai. A shared logistical, observant brain and their ability to navigate a situation through predicting and utilizing their pawns. Dazai trains Akutagawa the way he does because he believes it is what Akuatagwa needs in order to be successful and survive.

Kouyou is a very great instance of this, too. The Port Mafia is a root of much of the abuse taking place within the story of Bungo Stray Dogs, and Kouyou shows this the best, aside from characters like Dazai and Akutagawa. This is where I want to specify that Mori is not the root cause or direct start of the abuse cycle within the series, as the Port Mafia itself was a tool of organizational abuse from the start. The Port Mafia has always used tactics of aggression and suppression as an operation, however, there is a stark difference between the Old Boss and Mori on how this force is used. There is no real difference on how they affect the Port Mafia individually, except the methods used and the tighter reign of control Mori uses compared to the reckless abandonment for critical thought towards the end for the Old Boss. It's an inherently corrupt organization despite the importance it holds in the balance of Yokohama. Kouyou was in the Mafia from childhood, and when she lost the hope of being able to escape that world, she lost her trust in both the organization and the greater world of people. This is the reason that she pushes her own beliefs onto Kyouka and tries so desperately to keep her in the mafia. Her disdain for hope and recognition of herself in Kyouka is the causation for her to attempt to drill this mindset into Kyouka.

Kouyou isn't the only one who projects herself onto Kyouka specifically either, as Akutagawa follows the lessons he has learned and forces his beliefs of giving Kyouka's life a “reason” through her ability and killing ability. Which is exactly what he learned through his years in the Port Mafia as Dazai's mentee. Another example of a character projecting their own traumas onto someone they recognize themself in is very obviously Verlaine, through the events of him forcing Chuuya to his side because of his thought process.

There is a common justification that many of the characters make that they are doing what needs to be done. There are many other examples that could be made from the series, but all of this is to say that there is a large representation of the idea that “hurt people hurt people”. It's what the abuse cycle is on an interpersonal level. The actions taken are not excused by a victim’s own past, however it is a very real depiction of the abuse cycle and its effects in the series.

There is some hope to be found though as the parallel to this is being “saved”. Exemplified through the Armed Detective Agency as a whole, it ends up being essentially a safe haven for many of the members. Earlier I mentioned Kyouka, and she is specifically helped by Atsushi. I really don't want to refer to this as a savior cycle because it's really not, they're not all “saviors”, I just don't really have a better name for it.

The best examples for the roots of this cycle in the series are Fukuzawa and Oda, though they are naturally not the only cause for the chain of events within this cycle of influence. Fukuzawa brings me back to the topic of the Armed Detective Agency, which was established in the first place in order to help Ranpo and others. He left his influence on Ranpo first in Untold Origins, and Yosano when the two are able to get her away from Mori, but he also is the first in the chain that impacted Oda (though not the only), another important figure in this theme. He is the person that is able to plant a moral seed in Dazai and change the course of his life, and he was the only one able to do this. This brings me back around to Atsushi, who after being taken into the ADA by Dazai is able to save Kyouka, Lucy, and Sigma in one way or another.

It is important to highlight the Decay of Angels arc and portraying the tragic results of war. The ones I'm going to discuss are Fukuchi, Fukuzawa, Yosano, Mori, and Teruko as participants of war, Verlaine and Chuuya as the result of the government experimentation after the war, and then Tachihara from an outsider's perspective because of his brother. There is limited information that we have on The Great War itself, but what we do know is that it was a fight between ability user organizations and for the use of abilities in warfare. It is shown to be the cause of much of the suffering of many characters in the series, whether it is as a participant or a result of the inherent tragedy of war. Yosano was a child soldier exploited by Mori, who was able to use his position to prove his thesis for the beneficial use of abilities in warfare. It's unclear to me whether it was issued from upper levels, but his Infantry Division was for the purpose of proving what you could harness with abilities and warfare. This is not the only time that ability experimentation resulted during/from The Great War either, both Verlaine and Chuuya were a result of ability research and singularity creation. You could also infer that The Hunting Dogs project, though it is not confirmed (I think?), is a result of this as well. All of this to show the role that the government plays in the war, and alongside the damage that war already brings the government is shown to prey on the vulnerable within.

Fukuchi is probably the most noteworthy example of war and trauma in BSD, as he is the one who enacts the greatest damage in order to stop another war to his knowledge. His entire motivation for creating the DOA and bringing calamity was to prevent a repeat of what he had witnessed in the battlefield. Though he also has personal beliefs for world peace from the beginning, it grew to be more than that. The war intrinsically changed him due to the trauma, and soldier’s PTSD is naturally a common thing. The war changed Yosano as well, and while the two had very different circumstances, they carry the weight of their sins years later. Teruko was essentially born from war itself, and similar to Atsushi, she was forced to become something or someone that was able to fight, hence her ability forcing maturity and age. Teruko's ability itself is an example of how intense or prolonged trauma can cause a person to force self preservation in the face of it as a tactic to survive. Many of the characters show this, but it is especially prevalent with Fukuchi and Teruko because of the war. The entire arc brings into question the role of the government in war, corrupt power, the tragedy of war, and the point of it in the first place.

I'm making a seperate section to talk about Ranpo's ability, Untold Origins, and autistic trauma. Ranpo is the only character based on an author who does not have a literal ability, and I believe his lack of ability and insistence on keeping the illusion up is reminiscent of autistic masking. As to why I think he is autistic outside of the context of Origins, please refer to this thread .

Masking is camouflaging autistic traits in order to appeal to neurotypical or allistic (non-autistic) expectations. This could be internalizing discomfort, suppressing behaviors, copying others’ behavior in order to “fit in”, or an array of examples of forcing yourself out of your nature. Long-term masking can lead to extreme damage to your mental health, it can cause burnout, distressed behavior (meltdowns, shutdowns), issues with sense of self, etc.

Ranpo doesn’t mask very much in the present canon, he has a support system with his friends and family in the ADA where he is not judged for his autistic traits or behavior. Yet he keeps up the illusion of being an ability user partially for his own sake, but mostly to appear a certain way for the Agency and others. His ability is the only mask he keeps up, and the reason for this is the same reason he got it in the first place. Ranpo had to deal with the world outside of himself not accepting him for the way he is, and this is specifically because of his autistic traits. His false ability was essentially given to him by Fukuzawa as a way to quell his frustrations with the world, an explanation to Ranpo for why he is the way he is, because the world didn't understand the way he was and vice versa. He does seem to mask his autistic traits in Untold Origins, however, both due to his experiences he talks about and his parents. Masking can be traumatic, growing up in a world not built for you is traumatic, and the culmination of it all is what leads to Ranpo’s meltdown. Being autistic is not inherently traumatic, but the instability of day to day life can even be a causation for it, and this is the case for Ranpo. He goes about the story assuming that he will get adverse reactions if he speaks up or acts like himself, showing specifically his autistic traits, and this is the reason that he masks. Like any other autistic person, he masks in order to survive situations or to avoid confrontation over it when he never intended it. He was already a sheltered kid, and so he was raised with the deliberate suppression of his autistic traits, to which he cannot control and that cannot be separated from him. Even if it was an effort to protect him by his parents, it had negative consequences on Ranpo. Growing up that sheltered is damaging enough but it is dire to understand that this is in relation to Ranpo's being autistic as well, so he was thrust into a world that already did not understand him as a young autistic person after he lost his parents, an added trauma on top of the loss.

(below are the quotes I was referring/alluding to)

(In order is Ranpo's meltdown scene, an example of the double empathy problem (difficulties due in part due to a mutual lack of understanding when socializing between autistics/allistics because of the way we experience the world internally/externally) in which Ranpo looks at the same thing as someone else but they percieve it vastly different and Ranpo does not realize this, an observation from Fukuzawa on Ranpo's inherent difference, Ranpo's expectations of rejection, another observation from Fukuzawa on how Ranpo doesn't realize any of this, Ranpo expecting rejection based upon experiences in the past, and finally what I interpret to be an example of suppression of Ranpo's autistic traits (in a literal sense it is referring to his ability, which is representative of his autistic masking/really autism in general)

The manifestation of his ability is not a literal one like the other characters in the series, but it is an extension of his need to mask at times. Whether it is damaging or not, Ranpo clings to it because it is both connected to Fukuzawa and it is the first time he got an answer to why he is this way instead of being told to hide it for the convenience of others. When you grow up in a world that does not like you for what you are, it would only be natural for him to be desperate for the comfort of something after believing for so long that there was something inherently wrong with him.

There are definitely more thoughts that I have on this topic, such as poverty in relation to the Akutagawa siblings and Atsushi (Beast, specifically as well), but I want that to be a separate analysis.

[invidiia]

hi, do you have anons? if so, could i be 🍰 anon?

and for my request, can i request yandere!akutagawa with a darling that just…doesn’t pay much attention to him? they’re just indifferent and don’t really care for him. thank you!

don't disagree with me.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ "don't disagree with me." 𖤐 yandere ryuunosuke akutagawa x reader

being kidnapped by akutagawa doesn't mean you have to care about him. aku's having a hard time convincing himself you'll eventually love him, and your behavior is his last straw.

m.list // now playing

[ a/n ; akutagawa is so waterparks guys.................. shoutout to waterparks for being my favorite ever!! ANWYAYS HI CAKE ANON IM SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER!! THANK YOU FOR REQUESTINGG &lt;33 ]

[ warning ; yandere themes, kidnapping, violence (he kinda kickin reader's ass..) manipulative ass mf, guilt tripping, it mention's reader's hair so i'm sorry if y'all bald ]

one black tendril shot towards you like a bullet, sending you hurling into the dark walls of the clammy, cold basement the moment they came in contact with your body.

"you don't know anything," akutagawa started, pulling the tendril back, while it disappeared. "listen to me once." he ordered rudely, raising his foot to threaten you with a swift kick to the side of your ribs.

looking up with a blank expression but an evident glare in your eyes, you opened your mouth to form words, but the only thing that came out was a high pitched wail. akutagawa had stomped on your sides. nothing hard - it didn't break anything, but it hurt a lot.

"don't you dare speak." he kept his shoe on your side, making sure you knew not to speak unless you wanted anything actually broken. "i've done everything for you and you don't even care about me."

akutagawa denied loving you, but always did everything for you. this hypocrite aku was just upset you didn't love him back. he knew what he did was wrong, but he loved you.

he seriously wanted a serious relationship with you, he wanted you to willingly love him, and he just wanted you to accept his affection, on the rare occasions he gave it. you weren't always in the basement; akutagawa recognized you as another person, and he treated you as such when he felt you deserved it.

"i don't care." those were the only words you could get out, before akutagawa moved his leg and kicked your side again, then walking up to you, where you tumbled over after he kicked you. "selfish brat. i've given you everything."

while what he said was half true, it didn't matter. sure, he gave you things, but to you, he was just an obsessed kidnapper who wanted you to himself. "if anything," you paused to pant and catch breath while akutagawa stared down at you with a scarily angry glare before continuing. he wanted to know what you were going to say. "if anything, it's you. you're the selfish one."

akutagawa frowned. he leaned down quickly, taking a fistful of your hair in his hand. "you're mine, do you understand that? i don't want backtalk, don't disagree with me."

[baby-tini]

Ah, good day to you! (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠) (Oh, I would like to write right away that I do not speak English and in fact I am writing through a translator in the keyboard, so please forgive me,if something is unclear or written incorrectly(⁠╯⁠︵⁠╰⁠,⁠) )

I hope I'm not distracting you too much or causing you discomfort thoughts that I am going to describe below. I just had a little thought and wanted to share it with you a little:_)

The thing is, I just read your post with Yandere Dazai about the spoiled foreplay,where he dealt with a traitor before our very eyes. And to be honest, although I am not a fan of Yandere and am also absolutely against violence in any relationship,I can't Not read something on this topic sometimes. Mostly because of interest, because in such blogs (or simply under the tag #Yandere Dazai) sometimes there are interesting ideas for my correspondence for the characters with my friend or just for my own imagination. And so...

Honestly, I can't help but constantly think about the scenario where I would like to bring Dazai to absolute anger towards our enemy.🥲 So that he would shake with anger and literally lose his head, become wild...(and after all this there was the most passionate and long sex in this whole relationship ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ(⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) (I just love Dazai so much, sorry, hphph....) )

And I especially just like it in the scenario where Dazai accidentally, passing by on his way to work, saw how our boss from work,Who allegedly simply invited us for a business conversation, started to pester us in a dirty manner, etc...And we wrote to Dazai that we would be busy at lunchtime on an important matter and Could Dazai feel resentment(?)...But of course, then, having seen what was really happening, he immediately rushed to help,when we were trying to fight off this guy and running out of the restaurant. And then, although Dazai ordered his men to take him to the mafia basements,he was actually planning on putting on a little 'show' for us...Showing us how he first maybe scalps this guy, skins him, and then cuts off each finger,with which he touched us...Then, perhaps getting emotional, Dazai just randomly hits him, letting off steam,and in the end of course killing him...(And I just would like to see him at such a moment a little, to be honest,seeing how strong he is, how handsome, when he is so emotional because of all this...>--< I love all of Dazai's emotions, sorry, phph)...And then when he finishes,he turns to us, covered in blood, disheveled and still in a state of affect from all this. And we come up and kiss him, and then we go home and help him change his clothes and bandages.(Ah, I've just always dreamed of doing this with him.>--<)

Oh, well, that's how it is, please forgive me, it turned out to be too long by accident, as alway༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ Have a nice day! Although I personally am not a fan of all this, I like the way you write and I wish you creative inspiration. (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡ (And beware of all kinds of crazy and inadequate people in life, be careful and healthy<⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>)

TW- Torture, Implied Sexual Assault, Gore

This is very interesting, because I also like too dive into some of Dazais darker emotions, such as anger. Because we don't really get too see him being genuinely pissed, and I know it's because Dazai is good at controlling himself and keeping himself in line, but I'd like too see him just lose it occasionally. The only time I can think of, off the top of my head, is when Dazai was still in the port mafia and Akutagawa fucked up that mission, where he killed that one guy from Mimic and Dazai, having all his planning and hard-work go to waste, just got so severely pissed and punched Akutagawa in the face and shot at him 3 times, when Akutagawa got smart with him. As for this scenario, I do think it'd be in Dazais character, like we saw with Dazai when he shot that guy like 12 times and laughed hysterically about it. We've seen Dazai lose himself quite a few times, so if Dazai were too come across a scene such as this, he'd most definitely lose it, leading him too absolutely torture this man. Besides the canon Mafia torture, he'd want this man too be awake for as long as possible and feel everything too an unbearable degree. But, in canon, Dazai would mostly start off with the psychological torture before moving to the physical part of everything and if this man was stupid enough too possibly taunt Dazai, then yeah, I could see that leading too Dazai becoming emotional, because Dazai at the end of the day is still human, no matter how much he tries too perceive- or even thinks differently.

[gildeddlily]

yk what I really hate? people defining soukoku's relationship as toxic and headcanon chuuya as a violent person who physically assaults and abuses Dazai cause he "makes him mad", or Dazai as the one who constantly manipulates him into doing what he needs.

like who ever told you this? first of all, no. second of all, no. They have the strangest relationship I've ever seen, but it's something beautiful built with trust from both parts so how can you call that toxic to this point?

we've never saw Chuuya physically hurting Dazai in both manga and light novels, at least not seriously (the basement scene doesn't mean anything, they didn't see each other for like four years and chuuya's a fricking mafia executive no shit he's gonna beat up the mafia traitor. but seriously, after seeing him fight for real you think that was violence?). Do I think that at least once Dazai got beat up? yes, cause Dazai is constantly getting on Chuuya's nerves. the nerves of a dysfunctional teenager, that works for the mafia, that has a partner who tries to kill himself every two days, that is emotionally constipated and never learned how to love and be loved (the sheep betrayed him, the Flags died, Dazai is Dazai) so yeah, I don't think he knows how to express his feelings (he was all "I'm gonna act like I don't love you but in reality I love you a lot" with the flags at sixteen, what do you pretend from him if he's interacting with Dazai?) but not to the point of beating up Dazai every time they fight.

Dazai is ever worse: he's traumatized as fuck too, and is always going with the "I'm not human" bullshit (shut up sometimes he's so human he makes me cry) that most times prevents him from enjoying practically anything. Chuuya is not someone he know how to act with, but he spends three years with him so he fricking learned how, alr? They know eachother better than everyone, to the point that Chuu is able to understand Dazai's "misterious as fuck no one can understand me why people call akutagawa emo when im here" plans and attitude. They trust each other to the point of constantly putting each other lives in the other's hands.

Dazai manipulates everyone, yeah, but not like Fyodor does. Stop treating his efforts to respect Oda's last wish like nothing and only seeing him as the man he was in the mafia. Bungou Stray Dogs is so beautiful because it's realistic in portraying human's life and emotions, so stop trying to make Dazai act and seen as the mean demon who hates everyone except odasaku. his "chess pieces" are used and directed in a gentle way, just see Atsushi and the relationship he has with him, or the ADA. (the drowning thing. there was world's peace at steak, you think he should have chose saving Chuuya instead of everyone else? And that he really didn't think ab Chuuya saving Fyodor with his ability? I'm sure he knew, purely for the "what a shallow bond" thing. Asagiri spent the last years making us understand the deep bond they share, only to make it really shallow after one hundred chapters?)

Chuuya knows Dazai, he knows the way he choose to act, how his mind works and how he plans the future, Asagiri said that himself, so it actually is canon. He truly knows him (best and worst part of him, and we're talking ab mafia!dazai) and still trusts him with his life, knows Dazai always hides something up his sleeve and's always "i trusted you with this *random insults*" after almost dying for Dazai.

They just voluntarily ignore their connection, but they're both aware of it, just see how Chuuya in Dead Apple is sure that Dazai has something in mind that involves him using Corruption (risking his life) and punching him in the face, or how Dazai is sure that Chuuya will use Corruption risking his life and punch him. (the soft way he punched him while using Corruption really is... strange. he was throwing buildings around and then punch Dazai like he wasn't even using his ability? there wasn't any real strength behind it, at least not the corrupted one. so yeah we also have corrupted!Chuuya loving Dazai like the normal one) (I'm chewing a gum (my throat is hurting sthu) and I feel like the woman from that asmr meme that types on a pc) so yeah the point is. people can write or create media ab everything they want, but going around talking ab how they'd be a toxic couple cause they're abusive and bad for eachother is bullshit, especially if they're talking ab 22!Soukoku that has the potential to be endgame. teen!Soukoku could be toxic, yes, cause it's always disfuncional teenagers we're talking ab, they wouldn't even know ab how to be a good couple, but they'd manage, and still do more good for each other than bad. (this is all to say that I cry when while searching for good skk ff I find that type of ff that antagonize one of them by portraying them as abusive (like taking out of the context Chuuya calling sixteen Dazai inhuman after he said that the death of a man that Chuuya respected was a luck for them- no shit he was angry(still could have not said that)) and the other as an innocent kid that doesn't know better)

we stan the "the other was the only really good thing in their life for a long time" trope

[insoukokuhell-434]

Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai Fics

Includes:

Emotional Hurt/Comfort (long term & immediate)

Physical Hurt/Comfort

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link) Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Long Term (multiple instances)

hey look, the sky's falling apart - saffroncassis    

24.8k TEEN SKK (16/17) AU - Canon Divergence Protective Nakahara Chuuya, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Developing Relationship Found Family (the Akutagawa siblings, Oda's kids, Kyouka, Oda, Ango) TW- Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse and discussions of both these, also cw food for the whole fic

Summary - "At age 16, Chuuya defects from the Port Mafia and drags his partner with him not so much kicking and screaming as silently begrudging, and the rest follow suit in time."

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

[Really realistic depiction of the relationship between a depressed person and their supportive partner!]

For the Record - zombiemarker

19.1k TEEN SKK  AU- Spies & Secret Agents + Physical Hurt/Comfort Nightmares, Childhood Trauma, they get all dressed up and go to a gala, Implied Sexual Content, Fluff & Angst, Literal sleeping together, Getting together, First kiss, Developing Relationship TW - Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma

From tags: "Chuuya's a government experiment, Dazai's been with Mori for years, they've both got trauma now"

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

A mouth to empty into - series by osamuchuu

Not listing all 4 fics cause this post is already so long, but they’re all amazing pls go read them!

The series depicts depression + CSA trauma so well!

This is my favourite -

Love is not a victory march - osamuchuu

8.7k 22 SKK Soukoku taking care of each other, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Illness, Depression, Drug Addiction, Blood and Injury, Healing, Recovery, Soukoku Tenderness, Light Angst TW -  Dazai-Typical Suicide References and Attempts, Addiction, Drug Use

believe me darling, the stars were made for falling -communist_sasuke

14.6k ALL AGES Worried Chuuya, Love Confessions, Dazai is a Mess, Angst, Self-Harm , Fluff & Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon timeline, First Kiss, TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions , Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt

Trust Fall - insi 

3.5k ALL AGES (Dark Era, Post-Dark Era, 22 SKK) Emotional Constipation, Mental Health Issues, Dazai has issues TW - Implied/Referenced Suicide & Self-Harm, Suicidal ideation

From tags: Chuuya has met Dazai on the rooftop many times throughout knowing each other.

Immediate

Emotional H/C

Even the Darkness We're Watching Is So Beautiful - NastyaEx

4k 22 SKK (post-109) bsd 109, Fluff, Dazai Needs a Hug, Dazai is a Mess, exhausted dazai, dazai cries but only a little bit, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Soft skk, Dazai centered, yosano is a bit here and she's great

I'll Make A Home In Your Gut Because its Somewhere Warm to Sleep - arahabakii

8.9k 22 SKK Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Making Out, Getting Together, Domestic Fluff, Touch-Starved Dazai, Dazai needs a hug, Chuuya needs a hug TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

stay- neon_toad

4.6k 22 SKK (pm!skk flashbacks) Suffering Dazai, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Oblivious Dazai Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hugs, birthday, Birthday Presents, soft skk TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

where are you? - doeinstinct

2.8k 22 SKK Depression, Disordered Eating, physical symptoms of depression, Mentions of past self harm, m because they shower together, canon adjacent, meal replacements, Love Confessions, They're In Love Your Honor

Run Away With Me - Anonymous

5.3k Dark Era Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Soft Soukoku, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai Has Feelings, Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Kissing, Dazai asks Chuuya to run away with him

stay the night - Shinkirou

3.6k 22 SKK Gen or Pre-Slash, Developing Relationship, Character Study, Sharing a Bed, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dazai's depression

Physical Hurt/Comfort

Fool for loyalty, or some other word - osamuchuu

1.7k Dark Era Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Injury Light Angst, chuuya deals with so much tbh, what a champ, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship, Established Relationship, chuuya being Dazai's nurse because he absolutely was Dazai's angry nurse

under wraps - Coffeebiscuits

5k Post-Dark era + Emotional hurt comfort Love confessions, deep talks, Light angst, Fluff and angst, kissing, crushes, sharing a bed, Suicide, Self-Harm, Tending to Wounds TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm 

From tags: “basically chuuya has to patch dazai upand they talk about some things they need to discuss”

Chuuya also gets some emotional comfort

EXHAUSTION

So if you go too far I'll be there - Kimisu

2.5k 22 SKK - Pre-Fyodor | Cannibalism Arc  No Plot/Plotless, Literal Sleeping Together, Some Fluff, Canon Timeline

From Summary: Based on a HC that Dazai spends days before every major arc planning and arranging the pieces in order for everything to 'work'. He also pushes his body limits a bit too far when doing that sometimes.

SICK FIC

Nothing More Important Than You - StormDew2

3k MAFIA SKK (15) Sickfic, Soft soukoku, Vulnerability

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know asjsj <3

“Dazai takes care of Chuuya” recs here

Fic rec masterlist here

[valenteal]

Here’s the thing about Dazai and Akutagawa: Dazai is only 2 years older. When they meet they are 16 and 14. When Dazai leaves they are 18 and 16. What Dazai did was wrong and messed up. But they were both kids. And Akutagawa never expected to be safe with Dazai. Their situation was not a healthy one for either of them and in their eyes and in the eyes of the people around them Dazai didn’t do anything wrong. He wasn’t supposed to care about Akutagawa, he wasn’t supposed to protect or provide for him. Dazai’s job was to make Akutagawa a mafioso, then to command him. He was his boss and his trainer. Not his parent or brother. The emotional attachment that Akutagawa has was not planned for or expected, it was a result of his own issues and it’s warped and toxic. Akutagawa doesn’t care about Dazai as a person so much as a means of getting validation. He doesn’t like Dazai. He punched Dazai in the dungeon scene. He was absolutely ready to kill Dazai in Dead Apple. He hates Dazai for leaving without acknowledging his power. He hates Dazai period. But he craves his approval. He doesn’t listen to Dazai, he just wants to become more powerful. He thought that killing Oda would get him Dazai’s approval! He largely ignored much of what Dazai tried to teach him about restraint and strategic thinking. He doesn’t care why Dazai left, or why he doesn’t acknowledge him for all the people he’s killed and buildings he’s blown up. Look, I like Akutagawa, he’s a great character and he’s super complex and a great way to study trauma and violence and how it can affect a person. But he wasn’t helpless and Dazai’s treatment of him was more akin to Darth Vader with the inquisitors than Palatine with Vader/Anakin if that makes sense. Dazai didn’t give a shit about Akutagawa because he didn’t give a shit about anything at all. He saw no value in anything and treated everyone around him like they were nothing. Akutagawa was the one who made Dazai so important to him, who turned their relationship so incredibly toxic by assigning it so much value, and Dazai did nothing to encourage that.

[giggly-squiggily]

The Little Things (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Don't mind me, I'm just gonna-

*drops a near 6k word count fic on y'all all about Shin Soukoku cause I can while dancing to Super Mario 2 music sped up version*

Kay bye! *leaps out window*

...Nah but seriously. Heyo everyone! Awhile back I wrote this for a friend while we were yelling about these two (You know who you are- hi bestie! :D) I originally sent it to them via google doc, but given how easy the links to those fics are to lose (The amount I've lost...gone but not forgotten *cries*) I've decided to post it here!I hope you like it!

CW: Swearing, violence, guns, self-loathing, angst, wasted food (RIP Pork Buns), mentions of the Port Mafia Boss and Elise

Summary: In between assignments and tasks, Atsushi and Akutagawa find time to enjoy the little moments within their strange relationship.

~Chocolate~

“Is that cake?” Atsushi raised a brow at the small slice of chocolate cake Akutagawa pulled from his plastic bag. It looked homemade- maybe someone in the Port Mafia made it?

The idea of anyone there baking sweets was wild.

“No, it’s a bomb.” Akutagawa deadpanned, peeling at the plastic wrap around the plate. “Watch yourself- it just might blow up.”

Atsushi started. Did Aku just make a joke?

At the silence, Akutagawa offered the first forkful in silent inquiry.

“Oh, no thanks. I hate chocolate.” He smiled, fighting down a laugh at the brief look of shock on Akutagawa’s face. “Never been a fan. You however-I didn’t know you liked sweets.”

“Is that an issue?” His expression went hard.

“Not at all. It’s just…unexpected.” Atsushi held up his hands, smiling sheepishly. “Do you like all kinds of sweets or do you have a favorite?”

Akutagawa narrowed his eyes at him, suspicion rolling off his tensed frame like waves. For a moment. Atsushi wondered if he just blew their lunch date-meetup. Then he sighed, turning back to his cake.

“I like chocolate.” There was the barest hint of a blush on his cheeks. Akutagawa shoved a forkful of cake in his mouth with a slight grimace, refusing to look his way.

As if he couldn’t get any cuter.

…..Huh? Atsushi felt himself flush.

“Hm.” Was all the weretiger responded with, taking a long drag of his teacup, ignoring the raised brow Akutagawa sent him.

~~~

“Hey, Akutagawa! Here!” Atsushi shot his arms out before the other could stop him, pressing a small handkerchief wrapped box into his chest. It was hastily wrapped- as if he was tying it while running to their usual meetup spot. “This is for you!”

“....Huh?” The wide eyed shock on his face was priceless. Atsushi resisted the urge to laugh as he watched Akutagawa handle the box like one handled a baby- careful and slightly terrified. “This is…?”

“Open it!” Atsushi encouraged, resisting the urge to bounce on his feet in his anticipation. “I didn’t knot it that bad!”

“Okay, okay, settle down.” Akutagawa’s lips twitched as he gently pulled at the knot, going especially slow, much to Atsushi’s chagrin. When the ends of the cloth fell away, it revealed a little plastic box, within it a variety of chocolates.

“Oh?” Akutagawa stared, seeming to freeze. Atsushi felt himself sweat, tugging at his shirt hem.

“I know it’s not much of…well, anything- I just remembered a while back you mentioned you liked chocolate, and I had some lying around and figured you’d like it- of course if you don’t, I can always take it back-”

“You remembered.” It wasn’t a question. Atsushi blinked. Something soft was in Akutagawa’s expression, and his hands trembled some as he held the small box of treats. Atsushi felt his heart squeeze. “I didn’t think you would…”

“Of course I did! I remember everything you tell me.” Then he flushed, eyes wide. He said too much. “For the missions! And our tasks! Ehe…”

“Yes..having a good memory for those things is important.” That faint blush was back, and Akutagawa wouldn’t look at him- not directly, anyway. “Ehem…This is…” Then he paused, brows furrowing.

“Wait- where’d you get this?” Akutagawa finally met his gaze, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you hated chocolate?”

Seems like Atsushi wasn’t the only one remembering details about each other.

“I do…but like I said- I just happened to have it on me, hehe.” He grinned, deciding not to mention where his source was. He’d bring Ranpo a fresh box of chocolates on his way back from this meeting. With all the snacks he keeps on hand, he wasn’t likely to miss it before he got back.

Akutagawa raised a brow, not entirely believing him. Then he looked back at the box of chocolates, that content expression returning. “I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a gift…so thank you. It means more than you know.”

Atsushi swelled, feeling rather proud of himself. He would make this a habit he decided in that moment; all to see that soft expression.

Though he’d probably have to start buying his own chocolates.

~Rain~

“Ugh, no way…” Atsushi groaned miserably as the sky began to cry. Raindrops dropped in a slow mist at first, but within minutes it began to pour, flooding the alleyways they snuck through. He could already feel his shoes fill with water, making his toes curl unpleasantly.

“Hm, how troublesome indeed.” Akutagawa mused, brows furrowing as he came to join Atsushi beneath the thin railings of the alley. His shoulders felt damp already, and a chill shot down his spine from the icy droplets. “Walking back in this will be rather annoying.”

As of late, it seemed like he and Atsushi couldn’t shake each other. Whether it be on impromptu missions Dazai set them up on, or just little moments like running errands and returning home- somehow in this big city, the demon and the weretiger were never far from each other.

A part of Akutagawa couldn’t deny he liked it that way. That however was a part he’d rather strangle until blue with Rashomon before ever admitting.

“Man, I should have brought an umbrella! I figured it’d rain while we were inside the warehouse and stop after, but I guess the universe has it out for me…” Atsushi shoved his hands through his bangs, groaning in his hands. “This is revenge for Ranpo’s snacks, isn’t it, world?” He mumbled.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little water, weretiger?” Akutagawa shrugged, Rashomon shooting out of his back and forming a shelf above him, shielding him from the continuous onslaught of rainwater. “Though I suppose it’s expected, given what you are.”

“Shut up! I’m not a cat- I just happen to turn into one!” Atsushi glared, rubbing his arms with a slight tremor when the rain began soaking his shirt. In an act of defiance, he took a step out into the elements.

And immediately regretted it.

“Oh my god, that’s COLD!” Atsushi flew into Akutagawa’s shelter of Rashomon, clinging to his coat and shivering. Then he glared, cheeks pink. “Not a word.”

Akutagawa didn’t think he could speak even if he wanted to. This close, beneath the immediate smell of rainwater and warehouse dust, the weretiger smelled like tiger lilies. He could see the strange ombre in Atsushi’s eyes, the way they went from a rosy pink to a warm gold- like a sunrise. The way his lashes framed those odd but pretty irises of his.

So unfairly pretty. Akutagawa forgot how to breathe.

“Hey? Is something wrong…” Atsushi began, only to flush a brilliant red and jump back into the rain. “Oh god- I’m so sorry, how invasive of me- Ah, this rain! I uh…”

Maybe it was how pitiful he looked, soaked and embarrassed. Maybe it was the way he looked at him just now, with those damn sunrise eyes.

Maybe that part of Akutagawa’s heart wasn’t so small after all.

Slowly, as if it were a machine coming back to life after many years, Rashomon extended outward, creating an umbrella-like cover beside its owner. The space was…tight, but it would give Atsushi room to walk with him. “Come on, before you catch your death.”

The weretiger blinked, eyes wide. Akutagawa could feel his face heating; he pretended it was from irritation while waiting for the other to make a decision. “Hurry up before I leave you here.”

“Oh! Right- thank you.” Atsushi ran over, standing within the cover. This close, he could smell tiger lilies again. Did he wear perfume? Would it be weird to ask?

Would it be weird to just reach out and hold his hand-

“Don’t mention it. Just- come on.” Akutagawa made his voice as curt as he could, hoping it hid the fluster he felt himself slipping into. In silence the pair walked back, Akutagawa’s hands shoved in his pockets while Atsushi continued rubbing his arms, trying to warm up.

When he peeked, the weretiger looked equally flushed.

Must be getting sick, he told himself.

Yeah. That’s it.

~Blackout~

When he got back to the agency; Atsushi decided, he was going to murder Dazai.

Just a simple task, he said. Scout out the scene for us to make sure it’s safe, he told him. There shouldn’t be any trouble, he insisted.

Of course, Dazai forgot to mention the literal Mafia meetup being held in such a place.

 Atsushi knew he should leave- turn back before any of the Port caught a glimpse of him hovering near a dirty window. It was fairly high up- the main reason why Atsushi was sent on this particular request was due to his cat-climbing skills- so the chances of being caught were slim.

He should go, had he not caught sight of a familiar face. Stoic as always, black fringe fading into white that framed his pinched face, hands shoved in his pockets. Akutagawa.

He was standing by with a short redhead- Chuuya, he assumed. Dazai had mentioned a redhead in the Port who he’d encountered a few times before. He looked especially irritated, whomever they were meeting up with apparently was late.

Finally, after around half an hour, two grungy looking guys came through the large metal doors, their footsteps echoing across the filthy floor. Between them a smaller man led, his body bent forward and his hair a halo of thinning grays around his wrinkled face.

“I take it your boss sent you with what I wanted?” He asked, and Atsushi felt himself straighten. Despite appearances, the man’s voice boomed and carried, demanding respect with each word. Within the room, even Akutagawa and Chuuya straightened, the latter glowering upon realizing it.

“Yeah. You got what we want?” He demanded, waiting. There was a tense silence before the old man gestured for one of what Atsushi assumed to be his guards. The man opened his jacket, revealing a tightly wrapped parscal.

“Toss it over, we’ll do the same.” Chuuya commanded, straightening to his full height. The old man chuckled, clearly amused.

“Kids these days- never learn to respect their elders. Fine then.” He nodded, and the parscal went flying. Rashomon was out in seconds, catching it with ease. Bringing it to his eyes, Akutagawa peered within, face grimacing.

“This is it. Boss’ order.” He didn’t sound too thrilled about it though.

“Good grief. Alright, here.” Chuuya kicked the box by his feet towards the men, his gravity control making it sail easily across the floor. It landed with a loud thump by the guard’s feet. “I’ll take it this should cover it?”

The guard peered within the box, nodding after confirming the contents. Atsushi couldn’t help but wonder what was in it. Money? Jewels? And what was in the parscal?

No time. He really had to go. He watched Chuuya and Akutagawa turn to leave.

Just as the remaining guard pulled out a gun.

“TURN AROUND!” He heard himself scream. Shit! The old man’s eyes flickered to the window-

And suddenly there was a boom of red. Rashomon exploded out of Akutagawa’s back, sending the guards flying. Interesting enough, the old man remained unfazed. In fact, he hadn’t moved at all. Rashomon bounced around him like water hitting a rock.

“His ability- it’s a shield!” Chuuya yelled, already jumping into action. He crossed the room in seconds, taking the two guards on. Despite the size difference and being outnumbered, Chuuya was easily the better fighter. He dropped low, kicking the goon with the gun in his hand in the ankles. As he fell back, he grabbed his fallen gun, pointing it at the other one. He pulled the trigger-

But the bullet bounced! Seems this old man’s ability expanded beyond just himself. The guard smirked cruelly as he charged, tackling a surprised Chuuya dead on and sending him flying.

Akutagawa started, Rashomon shooting out to catch Chuuya before he could hit the wall. Too late. The old man was upon him. He moved so fast, an elbow flying to Akutagawa’s windpipe as he brought a knee to his gut. Rashomon quivered as Akutagawa wheezed, gasping for air.

Chuuya shot out of the rubble with a roar, flying at the guards. His gravity power saved his life, but just barely- Atsushi could see he was wounded- crimson against orange hair, bruises forming on the side of his face.

Akutagawa stumbled, the old man hooting softly as he watched the boy drop. “Such a shame- the Port Mafia really has let themselves grow weak if this is the best they can offer.”

Hot rage shot through Atsushi's veins. Just who did this old creatin think he was? He got up, ready to jump into the fray- and stopped.

Why was he getting involved? This wasn’t a mission assigned to him by Dazai or the boss back at the agency. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. Right now would be the ample time to leave; to use the chaos within to slip away before anyone else saw him.

Saw him.

Saw…

Atsushi’s eyes dropped down to the breaker box just outside the warehouse, an idea already forming in mind.

Within the warehouse, it was chaos. Chuuya had disposed of one of the guards, his body crumpled in the background as he fought the one still guarding. From the looks of things, the shield only protected from the front. Right now- the redhead was trying to get around and go for the back, but the guard stayed on him like glue.

Akutagawa and the old man were fighting once more- this time however, Akutagawa was prepared. Rashomon bounced again and again off a shield, keeping him at bay. He couldn’t land a hit, but neither could the old man. It seemed he needed his arms held up in a specific way to keep it on, leaving them in a stalemate.

Just one moment. A second was all Akutagawa needed. He looked up-

Their eyes met. Atsushi mouthed only one word. Blackout.

Then he tore out the breaker box with his claw.

The warehouse went pitch black, blending in with the night sky. Atsushi rolled down the wall as gunshots exploded from within, the faint sounds of two men crying out before everything went eerily silent. For a short, heartstopping moment, Atsushi was scared one of them was Aku.

Then the doors opened, Chuuya and Akutagawa stumbling out, bruised and wounded, the parscal in hand.

“Next time that creepy bastard wants us to pick up dolly dresses, he better get them through Amazon.” Chuuya growled, limping as he dragged himself down the quiet streets. Akutagawa seemed to be half listening, nodding along as he rolled his shoulder. His throat was bruised, and he was covered in small cuts, but he was alive.

Atsushi felt himself breathe again.

“Are you even listening? Ugh, forget it.” Chuuya waved him off, walking ahead as he carried on complaining about their boss. Akutagawa paused then, turning his head.

And directly looked at Atsushi.

The weretiger didn’t call out. He didn’t say a word. He merely looked back at him, watching. Akutagawa blinked once. Then twice.

Then the rarest thing happened. He smiled.

It was small, nearly unnoticeable and a bit pained, as if it hurt to move his face. Judging by the bruise blossoming on his cheek, it must have been.

Still- that smile. It erased it all. The injuries, his messy hair, the torn clothes- all of it faded away as Akutagawa smiled at him. It was like he was a god, so painfully beautiful it was near impossible to look directly at him, and yet Atsushi did. He didn’t care if his face was on fire, or if he was gaping like a fish. All he wanted to do was get lost in that beautiful smile.

And then Akutagawa looked away, and reality came back. He was gone in minutes, fading away in shadow, leaving Atsushi sitting there, still thinking about that smile.

~Piano~

Akutagawa hated instruments.

More specifically, he hated the piano.

The boss was so insistent he’d learn to play it. Think of how useful of a talent it’d be if you ever found yourself needing to blend in. Blend in where, the orchestra? Good luck with that. They all knew the real reason why Mori wanted him to learn to play.

Because Dazai used to play.

Not the piano- but the Violin. Akutagawa remembered watching him play a few times- the way he’d stand tall, the instrument like an extension of his body as he ran his bow over the strings. His songs were always so sad sounding; they never failed to make someone cry- usually Chuuya, even if he’d never admit it. When Dazai left, Mori burned the instrument, and music was snuffed out, much like those who betrayed them.

Apparently he was now back in his music phase and decided Akutagawa would be the next musician. Had it not been for Gin and her soft encouragement for him to learn- “Ma and Pa would have liked it, I think” she told him- he’d probably set the grand instrument ablaze himself. Just what would he play on it, anyway? Songs of sorrow and anger? Christmas tunes? Suppose he could play a quick death march before a bullet lodged into his brain or a knife to his jugular.

Wasteful. The worst part? He was a natural talent. The lessons flew by and before long he knew all the cords and how to work them into songs. Gin liked them- she would lay across the top like those women in the movies, face in her hands and feet kicking while he practiced. Sometimes she’d sing- her voice soft and delicate. It was those moments that he liked best.

And then Mori asked him to play for him and Elise when they’d marry. He stopped playing it after that.

Now he found himself lingering by a different piano- dusty but well loved, sitting in the corner of what he assumed to be a church. It was abandoned now- the room stale with lack of movement. His fingers glided over the top, making streaks against the smooth black surface.

Like magic, he felt himself back at the music room with Gin, playing a song and her singing-

“Nothing of interest here- hey, is that a piano?” Atsushi’s voice shook him free from his memory. The weretiger joined him, his shoulder bumping gently into Akutagawa’s as he took a seat. “I love the piano! I wonder if it’s in tune?”

Things have been…interesting, these past few encounters with the weretiger. Since the warehouse incident, they’ve been less stiff, more relaxed. Atsushi didn’t jump away if he got too close, and he smiled more easily at him. Their once harsh word exchanges melted into soft bickering, and more than once Akutagawa felt himself fighting down laughter whenever they talked. Not mean, condescending one but genuine mirth at the little things he’d say and do.

What the hell was happening to him?

“I know like- one chord. There was this woman at the orphanage; she was the only nice adult there. She tried to teach me to play, but I never quite picked it up.” Atsushi made a big show of cracking his knuckles, wiggling his fingers. “Okay, let’s tickle these ivories!”

More like make them scream, Akutagawa soon learned. He winced as Atsushi slammed his fingers down into the keys, hitting random clumps and creating what he could only describe as “mindless noise”. He sang along with it, the words lost in the sound as he swayed with his chaos.

“Oh, there once was a cat named Piccolo! He was the fattest cat anyone ever known! He rolled and he cried, and he’d spit in your eye, so the village chief ordered him to-”

“Weretiger!” Rashomon shot out, grasping Atsushi’s wrists and preventing him from hitting more keys. The church rang with the noise. “What happened to knowing only one chord?” He growled through gritted teeth.

“Oh, right! It was…um…” Atsushi looked at the keyboard. “You know- I can’t remember. But it was one of them I just played, I’m sure!”

“That wasn’t playing- that was slapping.” Akutagawa pulled Rashomon back, shaking his head. “I don’t think I heard a single chord in any of that.”

“Oo, you can hear chords, can you? Alright, Yiruma- it's your turn.” Atsushi stood, offering the piano. “Let’s see what you can do!”

Akutagawa stared, first at the piano, then at Atsushi. A mix of nostalgia and disgust filled him when he thought of playing again; Mori ruined any enjoyment he had with it.

And yet…Atsushi was giving him those eyes. The ones that presented a challenge. And Akutagawa had a hard time turning down challenges.

He also had a hard time turning down Atsushi.

What-

He sat down in the warm seat before those intrusive thoughts came back. Stretching his fingers, he let them rest on the cool ivory, wondering where he should begin. “Any requests?” He asked, be it a tad sarcastically.

“Whatever you wanna play.” Atsushi smiled, leaning against the side of the piano. Akutagawa hated how attractive he looked like that- FOCUS AKU! “I’m all ears.”

At first, he simply pressed keys- not the way Atsushi did it- this was far gentler, and actual cords. The weretiger’s smug grin melted into a look of surprise, making the other smirk. “Show off.” Atsushi grumbled. Akutagawa fought down a chuckle.

Then he was moving his fingers against the keys more intentionally, a song coming to mind. He didn’t know all the words- he only heard a chunk of it once when he was walking with Gin through the city. He did know the chords though.

Soft music played throughout the church, Akutagawa’s fingers playing out the beats in a steady rhythm, getting lost in the sound. He felt himself right back with Gin again, her smile encouraging and kind- the few beckons of light in the awful world of the Port Mafia.

Then he was singing. He probably sounded terrible; but he kept hearing Gin encouraging him to, so he gave in.

“If you had it all, would it be enough?

Can you find the way and still be lost?

I write songs about being someone else

That say fuck the world, you’re not angry enough.”

Beside him, he heard Atsushi suck in a breath. Be it from surprise or relation to the song, he didn’t know. Akutagawa kept going.

“Yeah everybody tells me it’s alright.

Everybody tells me I’ll be fine

Everything is not o-fucking-kay,

Oh but they can’t tell me why.

I put the picture on the shelf

Leave the memory behind

But the truth is I can’t say goodbye.”

Was he getting too real? Maybe. Atsushi was quiet beside him, not interrupting, just listening. He took that as a sign to keep going.

“So I made friends with all my demons

Let ‘em sink their teeth in

Got used to the feeling of letting it go

So give me something to believe in

Or throw me in the deep end

It all feels the same with your eyes close

So you can throw me in the, Deep end

Deep end

Deep end, Deep end”

And..that’s all he knew. The rest of the song was lost to him. He dared a peek up at the weretiger, waiting to see him fighting off laughter or wincing at Akutagawa’s singing.

Instead, he was leaning into the piano, eyes misty and something incredibly soft in his expression. There was no disgust, no second hand embarrassment, none of that. Only the look of a man who found something he was fond of, the smallest of smiles on his lips that took Akutagawa’s breath away.

Surely he must be thinking of someone else. There was no way he was looking at him like that.

The idea that Atsushi was thinking of another made his chest ache, a strange hollowness within tearing at his insides. In a haste, he slapped his hands onto the keys, startling the other out of his reverie. “I don’t know the rest- really, I hate the piano; we shouldn’t have done this. We have to go before the cops show up-”

“Aku.” Atsushi’s voice made him pause, halfway out of the seat. He was focused again, the expression he was wearing tucked away and replaced by his usual smile. “That was amazing. Truly.”

His chest ached again.

“It was just a thing I learned at the mafia. That’s all.” His voice sounded foreign to his ears, cold and distant. In the corner of his eye, he saw Atsushi wince. “Just forget about it.”

“Aku-”

But he was already out the door; the cool air of the city blowing on his warm face as he stumbled out. He walked at first, but then he was running. And then he was bolting. He needed to get away- to go somewhere else. He found himself flying down alleyway after alleyway, stumbling over his own two feet before crashing hard on his knees, coughing in his hand.

When he pulled it back, it was wet. However, it wasn’t blood that made it so. When did his vision get so blurry? He blinked, shaking when he realized it was tears.

He was foolish. A complete idiot! How could he let himself fall for the Weretiger? A Detective Agency member- the Mafia’s enemy. They’d never work out; and soon- he’d leave him. Just like how Dazai did all those years ago.

It would never work. Nothing ever did in the Port Mafia. They were sewer rats- destined to live and die among the filth they waddled in. And Atsushi…he didn’t deserve someone like that. He deserved someone who could stand in the sunrise with him, who could see how it matched perfectly with his eyes. Someone who could listen to his songs and jokes and antics and laugh freely alongside him. Someone who could make him happy.

And that wasn’t Akutagawa.

Curling up, he wrapped Rashomon tightly around himself. In past experiences, he found his ability rather sound proof. It was only then did he finally let himself sob.

~Kiss~ 

Atsushi sighed as he leaned back into a park bench, head still reeling. It had been a few days since the church incident, and there was no Akutagawa in sight. He could be busy, but Atsushi was sure he was avoiding him. It hurt- the sudden shut down from the other. Atsushi recounted the event in his mind hundreds of times, trying to figure out what exactly he did that made him flee.

He truly meant it when he said Akutagawa’s playing was amazing. Really- he was referring to his everything; the way he played, the words he sung, the way they broke something within his chest as he found each lyric incredibly relatable. That last moment, when the song ended and Akutagawa turned to look at him- there was so much…vulnerability in his gaze. Was he waiting for Atsushi to say something then?

Oh dear- perhaps he failed him afterall.

Pulling the bag of pork buns closer to his hip, he stood, deciding to head back to his apartment. It was probably dumb, waiting here for him. They hadn’t agreed on a meetup spot; Atsushi had hoped if he remained at the same location for the past three days, he’d pop up. So far, it proved fruitless. He made his way to the entrance.

And found himself staring at Akutagawa.

Silence so thick it could be cut with a knife, the two stared at one another; frozen. The rest of the world seemed to go silent, the people walking by shut off like a mute button. Akutagawa seemed stunned, and Atsushi doubted he looked any better.

For a brief, terrifying moment, he was scared Akutagawa would bolt. He remained standing. Then-

“Weretiger I-”

“I bought Pork Buns-”

They had spoken at the same time. Akutagawa blinked, startled. Atsushi felt himself return to reality.

“I uh…I bought Pork Buns. At the local convenience store? I remembered you liked them and..” He waved the bag in the direction of his apartment. “It’s probably not a good time, and if not you can just take them but…do you want to come over and eat? I bought too many…”

Akutagawa stared, the look making Atsushi squirm. Then he spoke once more. “I’m not busy…sure.” Relief flooded Atsushi’s chest.

“Great! Come along then.”

~~~

The walk back was terribly awkward. Neither spoke, but it was tense this time around, words heavier than steel stuck in their throats as they finally arrived at Atsushi’s place. Fumbling for the key, the weretiger pushed open the door, flicking on the light. “Pardon the mess, I didn’t get to clean up this morning.”

Removing his shoes, Akutagawa looked around. If he noticed the messy futon and leftover ramen cup, he didn’t say. Instead, he nodded. “Thank you for having me over.”

“Yeah, yeah- sure.” Atsushi smiled, hating how polite everything felt. He wanted so badly for Akutagawa to point out something- to make a comment on his tiger plushie that the other gave him in return for the chocolates- to tease him about knocking things over on the counter. He wanted anything else but this super quiet, super polite version of Akutagawa. “Erm, let me go put these down-”

“Weretiger. I must apologize.”

Atsushi froze, scared to turn around. Oh no, was he leaving already?

“The other day- I left without a word to you. That was incredibly rude of me, and I’m sorry.” Akutagawa sounded…choked. Like there was something else there he wasn’t mentioning. Atsushi figured he’d let it be.

But then, would anything actually change if he did?

“You ran pretty far after you left. I didn’t see where you went, you just kinda- disappeared.” Atsushi turned, facing him. “I never got to finish what I was saying.”

“I didn’t want to hear it.”

Ouch. Okay. Atsushi tried to hide the hurt with a smile. “Fair enough.”

“Wait- no. Fuck, this is hard.” Akutagawa ran a hand over his face, clearly frustrated. “That’s not what I meant. Sorry. I mean- I was…” He struggled with the words, waving his hands. “Weretiger, I don’t think I can keep doing this.”

Another dagger. Atsushi felt his heart drop into his stomach. “Doing what?”

“The whole- whatever this is. It’s killing me.”

A third. Atsushi felt his eyes sting. “Just say it, Akutagawa.” He sounded harsh in his own ears. Good.It’ll make him leave faster. “Say it and be done, already.”

Akutagawa flinched as if struck. Then he straightened, eyes intense.

“I’m in love with you, Weretiger.”

The buns hit the floor.

“I’m in love with you- I’ve been in love with you since- I don’t know how long now. Everytime I close my eyes, I see you. I hear you laughing in my dreams; I see you smiling at me when the pain’s at its worst and it’s killing me because I’m not good enough for you. I’m not the kind of person you deserve- a sewer rat who’ll only stain you with my filth-”

“Shut up.” Atsushi sounded strange. Akutagawa stared.

“Shut the hell up, you son of a-” Atsushi stormed across the room, grabbing the front of his coat.

And then he was kissing him. His lips crashed into Akutagawa's like a man craving water. At first, Akutagawa was frozen in shock. Then he was kissing him back, clutching the other tightly, pulling him in against his chest like he couldn’t get enough. He tasted like chocolate. For once, Atsushi found himself liking it.

When they pulled away, flushed and breathless, Atsushi reached up, gently pulling at the fringe framing the other’s face.

“Now you listen to me, Aku.” He tugged, earning a mild wince from the other. “First of all- you don’t get to decide who deserves me. I decide who deserves me. Second of all-” He released his hair, poking a finger into his chest. “I don’t want to ever hear you describe yourself as a sewer rat ever again. If I get stained, I get stained. Despite the white fur, I’m not some pristine tiger figurine.” He moved the hand poking his chest up to cup Akutagawa’s cheek, running a thumb against the smooth skin. “Finally- I never got to say what I wanted to say the other day. So you better listen.

“I think you’re amazing. The way you carry yourself; how you’re still so you even after everything you’ve been through in the Port Mafia. How you have these cute little quirks about yourself and how you’ve got so many hidden talents. I think you’re amazing, and I’m in love with you too. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now.” He smiled at the wide eyed stare he got, watching the hope in Akutagawa’s eyes meld into soft happiness.

Then he pinched his cheek, pulling slightly.

“But if you ever just up and run off on me again, I’ll kick your ass. I’m a weretiger- we like to eat little sewer rats who drive us nuts.”

“Sorry.” Akutagawa said through a deformed mouth. Atsushi released his cheek, leaning up to kiss it. “I thought you'd be in love with someone else.”

“Who else is there? Ranpo?” Atsushi raised an eyebrow. Then he looked thoughtful. “It would make getting you chocolate easier…”

Akutagawa couldn’t stop it. The laugh he fought down so hard bubbled over, then another. Before long, he was leaning into Atsushi, laughing for the first time in what felt like forever. The weretiger stood stunned, then he was giggling. Next thing he knew, he was laughing just as much, clinging to the other and squeezing tightly.

“Ohhohoho my god. I fuhuhucking love you, Weretiger.” Akutagawa wheezed out, wiping away a combination of happy and mirthful tears.

Atsushi looked just as teary, his cheeks warm and smiling like sunshine. “I love you too, Aku.”

Thanks for reading!