#alabamans

[solazu1]

White men in the heat, this was an excuse to make them pink tbh because it cracks me up everytime

[thegroundhogdidit]

so i recently found this on pinterest

okay anyone from there knows that this is inaccurate. here's what REAL alabama gothic would look like:

the trees are screaming. the ground is screaming. sometimes you find yourself screaming too, even though you don't know why

there is one season. warm. you haven't felt the cold touch of winter in years. you mention this to a friend and she smiles, too wide, and says "what are you talking about, hon?"

a storm is brewing on the horizon. the tornado sirens are loud, too loud. as you prepare to enter your storm shelter you check the date. it's the first wednesday of the month. you sigh and get back to business

everyone is praying. they lift their voices to the sky, praying to the One. you pray with them. the One may not exist, but its followers compel you. you lift your voice with them, lest you be destroyed

you don't know your neighbor. they know you. they know your face, but not your name. you smile in passing. they smile back. you can't remember them having that many teeth

"bless your heart," you say. there's malice in your voice. a curse as strong as that is impossible to say otherwise. "bless your heart," you repeat. your voice is hollow, no longer yours

you're driving at night. his face pops out of the treeline. you try to ignore him, to not hear his words. he's in your backseat. "i'm not scared of you, shunnarah," you say, but your voice trembles. shunnarah leans forward, whispering in your ears a phrase that is far too loud, "CALL ME ALABAMA"

[shu-of-the-wind]

cries in accent mimic

my roommate just took my cat away because I had an Alabama accent unknowingly and they went EXPLAIN TO YOUR CHILD WHY YOU'RE TALKIN THAT WAY and I COULDN'T ANSWER

[femslashspuffy]

Called Sunday lunch "dinner" to my friends WHO LIVE IN TEXAS and they're all like wtf are you talking about. And people argue whether texas is Deep South

[doberbutts]

That nb kid that got beaten to death in OK looks so much like a long time friend of mine that when I first saw the picture I was like "whoa that's [redacted] as a teenager" and then when I sent it to my friend her reaction was also "whoa that's me as a teenager???"

And that's the problem, isn't it. That kid looked identical to a cis friend of mine who is barely, barely, BARELY any amount of GNC. She's not hyper fem but she's also not particularly masculine any more than a typical rural Alabaman woman with too much shit to do to spend all day dolling herself up would be.

And that kid got beaten to death.

And buried under dead name and pronouns.

And I'm just kinda. Wondering where the safety and privilege is in that.

As I've said many times, I'm perfectly willing to talk about the areas in my life that have become safer as I pass with lore and more regularity. Now when are we going to talk about those who can't, or those whose gender expression isn't in passing, or those who have just begun their journey and haven't yet been able to do anything about it.

This kid looked just like my cis friend. They're dead now. If "looking cis" doesn't save you, what does?

[spookyfoxdreamer]

[fictionkinfessions]

The urge to ramble in the kinfessions inbox about your fictive source memories,

And then you realise your name is Five Words Long and Unshortenable unless acrynomised.

Tagging nightmare incarnate. :3

🐸

[mysharona1987]

https://archive.is/2024.02.23-124733/https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/02/23/texas-woman-ectopic-pregnancy-abortion/

Tale as old as time. The conservative mom agreed with restrictive anti abortion laws until it directly affected her life and her family.

On a related note: I do wonder seeing all the Alabaman women on TV complaining about their IVF treatments being stopped: “Well who did you vote for? If the answer is the GOP, will you still vote for them?”

And, no. It’s not a tactless or insensitive question to ask. And I wish more journalists would.

[thegroundhogdidit]

memes about alabama from alabamans: haha call me alabama amirite

memes about alabama from non-alabamans: hurr durr incest and racism

[maggothaven]

I have a new favoris doctor who character. His name is morton, he has the worst alabaman accent you’ve ever heard and héll probably never show up again. hes perfect

[calicohyde]

Jack Hyde All-Character Tournament: SEMIFINALS, Seed 2

Ferris the cat ("Witch Noir")

Ferris is a familiar, which is a cat that was a witch in its first life. A familiar gets reincarnated as a cat and has nine lives with which to find its platonic soulmate in a living witch. With each life, the power and preternatural intelligence it carries with it from its human life degrade, until on the ninth and final life it has become just a normal cat. Ferris found its mate in Anca on its third life as a cat. It spies for her and does whatever bidding it can manage without opposable thumbs or the ability to speak, but it has enough of its human personality left to make independent decisions and go against her wishes when it chooses. It was a tectonist when it was human, which is a witch that can move the earth, and it still has some of that leftover in its furry little body. When Anca elects to leave Angel to his own devices instead of sticking up for him against the board of Crones that want to banish him, Ferris decides to go with him and help him as much as it can. It still thinks of Angel's kids as its own. It protects Fred and Eddie with every trick it has left, as well as keeping an eye on other people it feels have been abandoned by its illogical human family members.

Genre: Horror Fantasy Designation: Side Character Quick Facts: ~300 years old when all lives are counted, was one of the founding members of the community it lives in and is technically a prominent local historical figure

VERSUS

Asher Adam (Any Publicity Is Good Publicity)

Asher is the frontman of the punk duo ION. He is forthright and blunt to a fault, in part because he's autistic and in part because he's just kind of a cunt - and proud of it. He is the lead vocalist and guitar player for ION, but he also plays flute and violin, which he and his other band member and brother Jordan sometimes creatively incorporate into their music. Ash is also the primary lyricist for the band. He writes a scathing and very direct track lambasting politician Gwaine Hinata, which quickly makes news and brings Gwaine himself to a show. When he spots Gwaine in the audience, Asher gets off stage to perform the song right in Gwaine's face. Ash has a typical Tragic Backstory. He is a double amputee from surviving a terrible car crash. His right arm and leg were irreparably crushed by debris when he crawled back into the wreckage to rescue Jordan. Now, he uses avant garde fashion prostheses to announce ION's new albums and match his body to the cover art.

Genre: Romantic Comedy Designation: Main Character Quick Facts: trans, gay, Jewish, Alabaman with the accent to prove it

Semifinals Poll Masterlist

[princess-pathetic-112898]

So I may or may not be currently hyperfixating on Cats after finally seeing it live (fantastic production btw the 2022-23 cast is so good) and looking back on the Boschian nightmare that is the 2019 film, you know what the worst thing they did was? And I mean the WORST thing. It wasn’t turning sweet & matronly Jennyanydots into Rebel Wilson scissoring the camera. It wasn’t shoving poor Victoria into the role of protagonist in a musical that’s designed not to have a protagonist. It wasn’t the horrific MoCap suits (but I do still feel so bad for the VFX team that got thrown under the bus). It wasn’t even James Corden existing. I will go to my grave insisting that the movie’s greatest sin was, in fact, the straightwashing. Tom Hooper took my beautiful boys-

And hit them with the hetero ray. How fucking dare he. The movie’s understanding of Tugger is so goddamn surface level it makes my head spin. Their version of him is a flirt and nothing else, and that isn’t actually the case in the musical. Like, for all his strutting and, ahem, gyrating, that Rum Tum Tugger isn’t actually all that interested in the girl cats who fawn over him is made pretty clear in his big number. But who DOES he show an interest in, in just about every version of the stage show?

The movie adds insult to injury by still giving the “Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore” line to Mistoffelees, but then changing the context to make it no homo. Rather than Misto playfully teasing Tugger, he’s now acting jealous & trying to dissuade Victoria from taking an interest in Tugger. Because the film is so committed to convincing us that this guy is straight-

that they wrote up a romantic arc for him out of whole cloth WITH HIS SISTER GUYS THEY WERE SO AFRAID OF GAY CATS THEY PAIRED HIM OFF WITH HIS SISTER. I know the film versions of their characters aren’t related (probably because Hooper & co didn’t know they were canonically siblings because they didn’t do their homework because they didn’t care they just wanted that awards bait)- but still what the actual fuck? No gays allowed but you can kiss your sibling. Truly a movie for Alabamans.

[foliosriot]

Hey love!!! Can you give sfw and nsfw hcs on mr jesse cash please :))) i know hes had us both in a CHOKEHOLD recently! Much love 💙

ohmygod yesyesyes that man is so fine and i hope the chokehold he has on us never relinquishes. but here you go! enjoy <33

jesse cash headcanons! nsfw under the cut :)

SFW

if he sees you’re having a bad day or just not feeling the greatest, he’ll bust out his thick alabaman accent and start talking nonsense

he wants to see you smile and happy, and he knows that accent + nonsensical shit does just that

trouble sleeping? that man is singing you a lullaby

his voice is so soothing, both speaking and singing

he also fucking loves seeing you scream along to erra songs if you’re ever at one of their shows

when you are at one of their shows, you are like the sole reason he gets any of his energy, bc you’re jumping and screaming down in the pit and he can’t keep that precious smile off his face

has tried teaching you guitar multiple times over the years but has always failed

when he tries, he sits behind you and guides your hands to their proper positions on the instrument

then he shows you a very basic chord and strumming pattern and you’re so focused on what you’re doing and he just can’t help but watch you

guitar lessons always end when you look over to see him completely enamored by you, then you’re suddenly assaulted by him kissing the daylights out of you

he is so in love with you it’s actually embarrassing

will deny any and all accusations of some ghost atlas songs being about you (such as: scouts honor and tomato red)

but everyone knows the songs are about you, and his friends tease him relentlessly about it

NSFW

never passes up the opportunity to fuck you after erra’s set

always claims he has “pent up energy and adrenaline” he needs to get rid of

you knows he’s full of shit cuz seeing you hot and sweaty and definitely wearing an erra shirt (and vice versa) has him so hot n bothered it’s sickening

so sweet and loving and will always put your pleasure above his own

like- if he can at least get you off, then he’s perfectly ok with that

he just wants to make you feel good above all else

however, if he’s feeling selfish and a bit mean, he’ll make you get him off before he even touches you

this goes more for when you’re at home together rather than tour, bc on tour you gotta take what you can get right

but at home he knows you guys have all the time in the world, so if he wants to come first then he’s going to

lowkey loves hearing you beg and whine and get oh so needy

and you’re touching yourself while sucking him off? thats too bad baby, cuz now he has your hands behind your back and his hand firmly in your hair and won’t let go until he comes down your throat

but when he’s buried in you and you feel so goddamn good, his accent slips more than it usually does

plus he knows how much you love being degraded or praised with that beautiful accent of his so he 1000% will take advantage of it

[spookyfoxdreamer]

[rockislandadultreads]

Black History Month: Nonfiction Picks

Black AF History by Michael Harriot

It should come as no surprise that the dominant narrative of American history is blighted with errors and oversights - after all, history books were written by white men with their perspectives at the forefront. In this volume, Michael Harriot presents a more accurate version of American history. Combining unapologetically provocative storytelling with meticulous research based on primary sources, as well as the work of pioneering Black historians, scholars, and journalists, Harriot removes the white sugarcoating from the American story, placing Black people squarely at the center.

Caste by Isabel Wilkerson

Beyond race, class, or other factors, there is a powerful caste system that influences people’s lives and behavior and the nation’s fate. Linking the caste systems of America, India, and Nazi Germany, Wilkerson considers eight pillars that underlie caste systems across civilizations. Using riveting stories about real people - including Martin Luther King, Jr., baseball’s Satchel Paige, a single father and his toddler son, and Wilkerson herself - this volume shows the ways in which the insidious undertow of caste is experienced every day. 

I Take My Coffee Black by Tyler Merritt

In this volume, Tyler Merritt tells hilarious stories from his own life as a black man in America. He talks about growing up in a multi-cultural community and realizing that he wasn't always welcome, how he quit sports for musical theater (that's where the girls were), to how Jesus barged in uninvited and changed his life forever, to how he ended up at a small Bible college in Santa Cruz because he thought they had a great theater program (they didn't). Throughout his stories, he also teaches readers about the history of encoded racism that still undergirds our society today.

South to America by Imani Perry

In this volume, Imani Perry shows that the meaning of American is inextricably linked with the South, and that our understanding of its history and culture is the key to understanding the nation as a whole. This is the story of a Black woman and native Alabaman returning to the region she has always called home and considering it with fresh eyes. Her journey is full of detours, deep dives, and surprising encounters with places and people. Weaving together stories of immigrant communities, contemporary artists, exploitative opportunists, enslaved peoples, unsung heroes, her own ancestors, and her lived experiences, Perry crafts a tapestry unlike any other.