#albert om

[galactic-blitz707]

Om nom nom nom

Sorry the snake got the munchies for human flesh, I'm sure Leon will be fine, just slap a bandage on it and he's good to go.

More Naga!Wesker for you lovelies and a little bit of Leon as well, I hope you enjoy!

[forislynx]

Likaså bär oss tiden genom dagarna i ett glanslöst liv. Men det kommer ett ögonblick, då vi själva måste bära tiden.

Albert Camus, Myten om Sisyfos

[ieatkeyboard]

OM brother piercing headcannons but you can see me getting hornier-

Also I'm so sorry about the order- I did them in what order they came to my head

MAMMON: - Lobes (Cannonicaly) - Tongue - Industrial - septum - Nipples -Has a couple tattoos on his arms and a back piece

BEEL: - Lobes and seconds - Belly button - Have more tattoos than piercings - Also has a back piece, he has at least one sleeve, one on his hip, and both knees are tattooed

LUCIFER: - Doesn't have any face tattoos because he's professional but he'd get a tongue piercing - Has his lobes, seconds and a conch piercings - Has a prince albert- I'M SORRY OKAY - Has a tattoo covering or going into the scars on his back - Has a sleeve for suuure

SATAN: - Has snake bites. I will not be taking criticism at this time. - Has an industrial and his lobes - His a septum to piss off Lucifer cause I already know Lucifer said he couldn't do it - Has tattoos but they're either poetry and really beautiful or borderline terrifying. He has like tattooed scraped up knees for the vibes - He also has a Prince Albert but dirty talks with it for suuuure

ASMOOO: - You know where this is going - He has his nipples, belly button and dick pierced. King <3 - Tongue for sure and maybe a vertical labret - He has a sucubus/incubus tattoo over his..ya know - He also has a tramp stamp, I can feel it - He has a couple tattoos on his arms, on le on his rib and a bunch on his legs (He likes to show them off when he wears skirts)

BELPHIE: - Tongue piercing, eyebrow, lobes and maybe on his seconds - Has a dick piercing and teases you when you suck him off - Has a tramp stamp cause Asmo said it didn't hurt and he'd "sleep right through it". He did sleep through it but it hurt like a bitch - He has patchwork tattoos for sure. Just some random little things. He absolutely did a couple himself

LEVIATHAN - Hehehehe - He WANTS a dick piercing but doesn't have one cause he's to scared to ask someone to do it :,] - Has his belly button, lobes, bridge and septum pierced. - Things angel bites are pretty but doesn't know if he'd pull it off - Has a couple tattoos on his arms and legs and probably a fish or something on the nape of his neck (Lucifer doesn't know about that one)

[pricescigar]

Albert Wesker NSFW HC's

Note: I've been such a simp for Albert Wesker lately, the brainrot is taking over me at this point... And I decided to make this! Even if I'm supposed to he asleep right about now...

No gender specified, for everyone to enjoy!

18+ ONLY NO MINORS ALLOWED

CW: NSFW stuff, blood

Photo taken by me

Wesker has many pet names for you; Doll, Sweetheart, Love, Baby, Darling, Cutie, Sweetie. Ect, the list goes on.

He loves seeing you wearing his shirts, he actually doesn't mind if you steal them from him. Especially if you wear nothing underneath...

Despite him being a busy man, he's quite experienced man in bed, there are different forms of experiments after all... He's a man full of tricks.

Wesker has a major daddy kink, there's something about having power over you turns him on majorly.

He loves being in control, thanks to his ego, and also because he loves seeing you underneath him.

The first time you wasn't too sure about calling him daddy but giving it a go, you loved it.

"Fuck... That's it, I'm your daddy."

He loves depriving you and making you beg for more, seeing you so overestimated from sex or foreplay satisfy him.

He loves spanking your arse during sex making sure his hand print is left there for him to see. And well, smacking it in general.

Wesker always begs for you to dig your nails into his back, he loves the pain and sensation that comes with it. Even if you draw out a little bit of blood.

He loves Roleplaying with you, something about the build up of it before you two have sex already makes him hard.

Your favourite roleplays to do is Doctor and Paitient.

"My little Patient..."

He still kept his lab coat for fun times in the bedroom, he loves seeing you wearing his labcoat while he fucks you. You're his little patient after all.

Please sit on his face, he doesn't care if he can't breathe just sit on him for God's sake.

One of his favourite punishments to give you is when you masturbate while he watches, depriving you and making you beg for him.

He loves licking your cum and swallowing it, tasting all of your sweet juices. Knowing how good you taste.

You two have a safe word just in case if things go too far, which Is; Raccoon (Referring to Raccoon City)

Occasionally he loves to do Sex in public too, sometimes in alley way or in secluded places like the forest... Sometimes at the beach.

The after care is a bliss, he'd kiss everywhere where he accidentally hurt you caressed your body, clean you and hold you close.

"Was I a little too rough? I'm sorry... I'll make it all better."

He'd always run you baths too if you ever want one with him, and the two of you would relax in the bath before going to bed.

When you're finally in bed heed wrap his arms around you, caressing your waist, back and shoulders before kissing your body ever so gently before falling asleep.

Favourite sex positions:

As basic missionary is— It's still one of his favourites, he loves towering over you... Legs over his waist and pinning your arms over his head.

Doggy another classic one— He prefers doing this when you're hunched over his desk or anywhere else for a quickie.

Mating press— His go to for having sex with you, albeit uncomfortable as well but it's the best way to hit all of those sweet spots.

Having sex against a mirror— One way to fully turn him on, seeing how overestimated you look, barely paying any attention and your mind foggy with all the pleasures.

The 69 — One he does occasionally but there are many other ways he would give you oral pleasure.

Cowgirl — As much ss he loves being dominant, he loves seeing you ride him from time to time.

Face off— He loves being close to you, and with this position it drives him wild anyways.

The Chairman— Another fan favourite of his, the perfect angle to hit your G-spot repeatedly and to pleasure you in all other places.

The OM — Almost the same as The face off position, any excuse to have you close to his body.

Kinks he has:

Daddy kink (Power imbalance)

Bondage (Tie, Belt, ropes, cuffs, anything really)

Blind folds

Gagging (Cloths or and actual gag)

Spanking

Praise Kinks

Roleplay

Knife play (To cut your clothes off)

Choaking

Licking, biting

Hair pulling

Masturbation (Watching you pleasure yourself)

Rough sex / soft sex

Clothed sex

Masochism (Blood kink)

Urobouros (He loves using his tentacles on you, mainly to tie you up)

[onnodig-genederlands]

tumblr.com/tainbocuailnge/170467676857/the-ultimate-dutch-meme-is-zakje-van-de-albert

"De ultieme nederlandse memerij is zakje van de Albert Heijn, wat gelukkig in het Engels is zodat in volle glorie gedeeld kan worden met de rest van de wereld. Alles wat je moet weten om van dit enige stukje Nederlandse culturele geschiedenis te kunnen genieten, is dat de Albert Heijn een van de meest succesvolle supermarktketens is, en ook de reden dat ze klanten niet meer hun eigen producten meer laten wegen.

"Stop het in je ZAKJE"

"#Hoe dan ook ik hou van cuchulainn #een van de weinige videos die kinderen op de middelbare elkaar lieten zien die nog steeds precies even grappig is"

[ronsenthal]

Part five and final of Jess Reads Fierce Valor as we reached his post WWII military career, his retirement and last years of his life

Notes: Please read the book and take your own conclusions if you can, this is my view and my own clonclusion from my experience reading it

okay now really not much happens, he got married for a second time, stayed in the army, got divorced again

he came to the veterans reunion in 1947 and then never showed up again until some 50 years later

he made his final combat jumps in Korea, he had like 4 which was like a LOT

btw do you guys remember Albert Blithe from the series right? Right! the guy lived after recovering from his wounds and actually served in the 187th Infantry Regiment, guess who was the company commander? thats right! our very own bald man

ok so he worked and had time studied Russian and became the governor os Spandau, at this time there was already some cold war shit going on

speaking of shit, his german was shitty (so is mine!!!) so he couldn't quite undestand the prisioners but played chess with one of them??

Ah yes got married and divorced again

trained and organized some stuff for the the Royal Lao Army and some more army duty??? but nothing interesting is said really

he was then Lieutenant Colonel and worked with the Pentagon, it says that his army duty came to an end in 1964 but his name came up in army records in 1965 at a special division, so he had some function? was he a spy? we will never know for sure

okay now he is retired, married again (the man was a machine), had some health related problems and had to do some heart surgeries, like 5 of them or even more

at this point he was really introspective over his life, then the Ambrose book came and old man was PISSED because guess what??? Ambrose didn't even bothered to actual fact check his book and Speirs felt that he did dirty to his first ex-wife and even to himself

Dick became his biggest advocate and tried so many times to reunited him to the last members of Easy but he couldn't, he even begged Speirs but remember he is a Taurus so he said no again and again

toward his late years and after the release of the book he was afraid some n30-naz1s would come after him for some kind of vengeance so he asked for his name adress and personal info to be removed so Dick was the only one who knew hot to contact him

then there was the reunion for the screening of Band of Brothers and he finally showed up after his last wife made him show up and it was really emotional, Matthew Settle just watched the real Speirs and Dick watching the first ep and then Matthew showed up on his door and asked him to sing his cast, cause he got hurt his feet somehow

oh right forgot to mention that he loved his poodles, he was really into square dance (I don't know what the hell this is don't ask me), had some weird hobbies like pan for gold on rivers??? also normal ones like playing golf and he was also a nice elderly to his grand-sons and great-grand-sons, nephews, nieces and stuff

he had really bad PTSD specially while sleeping ans even after being retired he couldn't relax while sleeping and always eat his food fast.

he wouldn't let people kill spiders, like black widow spiders because of the William Wallace story and because he served in a company that the symbol and nickname was one

also he didn't talked about his army life like AT ALL, he said it was harder for him to remember things since he spent great part of his life om the army while the other guys served like with one company and that was it, for me it's clear it was bullshit he was so hard on himself and self critical on the basic stuff he didn't so one can only imagine how he dealt with the heavy stuff

his final years he was losing his strength, already loss great part of his hearing and was so ashamed of it and was really frustrated and miserable

after his death this one person of his family took his ashes and spread somewhere in a beautiful lake near the Canadian border where he rests today, quite emotional really

Okay so overall this was such a great reading, it's really a testament to how complex, mysterious and sometimes twisted his character really was.

I loved how the authors didn't pushed any agenda or narratives, I feel like they did a good job because they didn't tried to justify any of his actions, they just wanted to bring as many facts to the table as they could so we, as readers, could come up with our own conclusions

Mine is: He was crazy indeed, he did some questionable stuff and it took it's toll on him during and after the war, but also really cared for the man on his side, he sure could be cruel, flawed, cold blooded, impetuous and a true killer, but at the same time protective, respectful, really smart and incredible skilled as a leader, so much that everyone respected him for it, some loved the man dearly, some despised and that it was what truly amazed me by

A big thank you to everyone who followed my dumb takes during this reading, it was really fun to do!!!

taglist: @mads-weasley, @mutantmanifesto, @love--persevering, @gorgeousundertow, @grumpy-liebgott, @wexhappyxfew, @latibvles, @1waveshortofashipwreck and @executethyself35

[satans-bf]

NSFW Alphabet - Satan

Hey! This is a new OM! blog that I made to encourage myself to write more often, so I figured a good first post might be the NSFW alphabet I wrote for Satan last month. It shouldn't need to be said, but...

‼️MINORS DNI‼️

A: Aftercare (What are they like afterwards?)

He’s very sweet. He’ll praise you a lot and tell you how much he loves you, and he’s fairly affectionate afterwards. If he scratched or bit you or anything, he’ll look over you to make sure you’re okay and take care of anything that needs it, and he’ll help you get cleaned up. While not normally very cuddly compared to some of the other brothers, he wants after-sex cuddles.

B: Body (What’s their favourite body part or parts of their partner’s? What is their partner’s favourite body part or parts of theirs?)

He likes your hands! You can tell a lot about a person from their hands and the subtleties of them from person to person are individual and unique. He also loves to have your hands on him—he finds it similarly intimate. For the same reasons, he also likes your eyes; I know these are supposed to be sexual headcanons, but I imagine Satan is a very romantic kind of person and that sexuality is very tied to romance for him.

C: Cum (What do they do with it?)

He likes to cum inside you; it’s romantic to him. Whether it’s ass, pussy, or mouth doesn’t really matter. (Of course, that’s just what he likes, and he won’t if you don’t want him to; your stomach is his second favourite place, and that part goes both ways if it's you finishing on him.)

D: Dirty Secret (What’s their dirty secret, if they have one?)

I honestly can’t really think of a dirty secret he’d have... however! Consider this: he is absolutely not a piercings kind of guy. However, if you planted the idea, he might eventually be interested in the idea of getting a Prince Albert or something like that for you. Since it wouldn’t affect his outward appearance, and no one would know about it but you, if you brought up the idea, he would think about it every so often. It’d be very intimate to him knowing that not only do only the two of you know about it, it also heightens the pleasure you both get. But this is very much an, “if you brought up the idea, expressed interest, and gave him enough time to think about it” kind of thing. He wouldn't do it of his own accord; it just wouldn't interest him.

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s not very experienced, so you’d have to be patient with him. That said, if you’re willing to be patient with him, show him some things, and explore some stuff with him, once he’s comfortable with you he might surprise you with some of the things he’s into.

F: Favourite Position (What’s their favourite position?)

His favourite positions are where he can see your face while he takes you, so probably missionary or cowgirl. And yes, he’s a top—regardless of what you have, I can’t see him being comfortable with being penetrated—but he’s not necessarily dominant. He’s just as eager to be flat on his back panting and moaning while you ride him as he is to have you on your back with your legs wrapped around him. If you're not into being penetrated either, that's okay too—he really likes oral.

G: Goofy (Are they more serious or humorous during sex?)

He’s definitely more serious, but he can be pretty... playful? I wouldn’t call him goofy, but sex with him can feel like a game, in a good way. I feel like lighthearted and whimsical are probably better words to describe it than humorous is. I can see him laughing during sex, but between serious and goofy, I'd say serious is more accurate.

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes?)

Not that he grows much hair down there to begin with, but he keeps it very neat! It wouldn't match, but he shaves it anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.

I: Intimacy (How romantic are they during the moment?)

Usually, it’s pretty romantic with him. He’s a hopeless romantic and that informs a lot of the way he tends to see sex; he’s the love-making sort of type. He’s the type to hold your hands, kiss you, nuzzle you, keep his arms around you during sex, etc. That said, he has a wilder side too, and can definitely get into less romantic and more physical moods.

J: Jack Off (How often do they jack off? Do they do it at all?)

He does, but he wouldn’t be able to admit to it if you asked. I wouldn’t say he does it infrequently either; his sex drive is higher than you’d expect it to be, and if anyone found out he’d probably die from embarrassment. Also, because of that, I imagine it’s as much for everyone else as it is for him—as the Avatar of Wrath, I don’t imagine a sexually frustrated Satan is anything that anyone wants to deal with, including him. Precautionary measures as it were.

K: Kink (How many kinks do they have?)

He’s got a few kinks; although he’s perfectly happy be pretty vanilla with you most of the time, if you’re willing and interested in trying some kinks, there’s some he’ll go wild for and would even make a regular part of your sex life if you wanted. Pet play is definitely one of them; he loves cat ears, tail anal plugs, those paw pad thigh high socks…and he’s into either of you wearing them. He’d love to see you in it, but he’d also love to be a pretty little kitty himself, and if you want to do it together? You’ll get to see his wilder side, it'll be one of the rare times he prefers to take you from behind, but watch out! He bites. ;) Besides pet play, in his less romantic moods, he can be pretty rough and risky. He’s both a little sadistic and a little masochistic, and if you’re into it you’re both going to be covered in scratches and bite marks, he’ll want to pull your hair and let you pull his, and he loves it when one of you is pinned while getting fucked—whether that’s you or him.

L: Location (What are their favourite locations?)

In his more romantic moods, he prefers your bed. Something about fucking you in your room gets to him; sure, all the brothers like to hang out in your room, but every time you get intimate with him in your room it feels particularly like laying claim to you. In his less romantic moods, he likes semi-public places where he’s pretty sure you won’t get caught but there’s still a slight chance that you could be. He doesn’t actually want to get caught, and he’s not sure what he’d do if he was, but the idea that it’s possible for someone to walk in on him buried in you or between your legs does something.

M: Motivation (What turns them on?)

A few different things will get his attention in particular—cat ears (of course), but also…confidence. He likes it when you’re forward towards him, whether it’s in a dominant or submissive sort of way, and finds it very difficult not to react to it. He’s the type who, if you act sort of bold or cheeky when he’s not expecting it, he will have to distract or excuse himself immediately. He also likes it when you sit on him, whether that’s on his face or his dick, and when you let him pin you down and/or be dominant with you—he can be very submissive, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like being dominant, too.

N: No (What are their turn-offs?)

Bottoming; if you look at his hole a little too long, he will look at you like you’re actively plotting to kill him. It’s very funny but also very tragic because he is so pretty and would look so pretty with a cock in his ass, but you’ll make him cry if you want him to. The only exception I can see him making is for the aforementioned tail plugs, but he’ll only let you play with his butthole if he knows it’s specifically for that, because the desire to be a cute little kitty is strong.

O: Oral (Do they prefer giving or receiving? How good are they at it?)

He prefers receiving, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like giving, too. He loves going down on you and making you squirm with his mouth and hands, but if you return the favour, he’ll barely be able to contain himself. He will whine and pull your hair—he’s very sensitive.

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough or do they like it slower and more sensual?)

Depends entirely on his mood. His default is slow and sensual so that he can kiss you and hold you and love you properly, but if he’s in the mood he’ll absolutely fuck you senseless.

Q: Quickie (What do they think about quickies?)

In general, he’s not really a fan. He’d much rather take his time with you and really enjoy it, but if he’s particularly horny and/or you’re in a semi-public place it’s not out of the question for him to be up for it.

R: Risk (Do they like to experiment and take risks?)

Yes and no; sometimes he can feel pretty bold and risky and in the right mood he’ll be excited to experiment with you, but if he’s not in that mood he can be easily scared off by it.

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go? How long do they last?)

By demon standards, his stamina isn’t amazing, but by human standards he can last quite a while. You might be surprised that he’s still going after a few rounds, and wonder where it’s all coming from, but it’s one of the times you remember that not only is he a demon but a powerful one, too. He’ll be able to keep up with you until you’re thoroughly satisfied and if you can manage some sort of control over finishing, he’ll adore you if you cum at the same time. Either way, he’s pretty much always sweaty and winded when you’re done.

T: Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them?)

He doesn’t before he meets you, but he’s not against trying them if you like them. He doesn’t really use them for himself, and doesn’t really feel like he needs to. If you like them though, he doesn’t mind, and if you want him to use them on you, he totally will. He’ll think it’s hot to watch you come undone without even being inside you; he’s like, “wow, do I really make you that horny?”

U: Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

He loves to tease; as mentioned in G: Goofy, sex with him can be pretty playful, and a lot of that is the two of you messing with each other and playing a sexy game of chicken, trying to see who can get a better/stronger/quicker reaction out of the other, how well you know each other’s likes and reactions, and how long you can stand to be teased before one of you gives in.

V: Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

He’s pretty noisy. He’ll try (key word: try) to keep his composure at first, but it’s not difficult to make him moan and whine for you—especially if he’s dressed like a cute little kitty cat. He’s not terribly loud in volume, but he is often vocal. He’ll make the most delicious little whimpers and whines, although sometimes he’ll try really hard to stop them from coming out and you’ll get a strangled-sounding gasp out of him.

W: Wild Card (List a random hc here)

I have a difficult time (personally) imagining him as anything other than gay. I can’t put my finger on what it is about him, but imagining him with a woman or a feminine nonbinary person (AFAB or AMAB) feels strange and forced to me, like it doesn’t make sense, but imagining him with a man or a masculine nonbinary person (AMAB or AFAB) seems natural. In addition, I don’t think he’s lacking in sexual thoughts or feelings—I think it’s more likely that it’s repressed and he’s embarrassed about them.

X: X-Ray (What do they look like under their clothes?)

Pretty. Like all the brothers, he’s got decent muscle tone. Honestly, it’s probably just because he’s a demon; they’re just built different. That said he has more of a lithe and graceful figure than anything, and some moles here and there. As for his cock, it’s just as pretty as the rest of him, and big enough to hit pretty deep, but not terribly thick or anything. ;)

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s higher than you’d expect. He’s not open about it at all. It’s mostly reserved for actual partners, so you wouldn’t know, but it’s not low. He’s a little bit of a whore, but only for his partner. ❤️

Z: Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)

It’ll take him a minute. He needs a bit to calm down afterwards—not too long or anything, but it’s not immediate.

[thereallyuselessblog]

I had a VERY important discussion regarding body piercings and tattoos on OM characters recently.

We weren't sure if Diavolo's chest is tattooed or if those are his Demon markings.

I told them that I headcanon that Barbatos has no tattoos, but that he does have 16ga barbell nipple piercings made of gold and turquoise gemstone jewelry. For those extra spicy occasions he wears delicate turquoise jeweled golden chains on them (ffff plus he likes getting them tugged)

They disagreed and said he's not the type.

I said I think Dia would be though.

They said Dia seems like he would get them for just the thrill and then rope Barbatos in on it. That that would be why he has them. He would get 10 ga as a recommendation from the piercer and then Dia would be like 0A0 "CH-CHOTTO MATE!" When he sees the big ass hollow needle coming at him.

They agreed with me that Lucifer wouldn't cave in if he was there with them, but Diavolo would be so excited and showing them off like "Lucifer look!" And of course he would be obligated to and whenever Dia is in Demon form and moving around he would "have to look at them". That makes him get all frustrated and blushy lololol

Both of us in synch: Dia has a Prince Albert and a Ladder

I just added that he'd have a bigger gauge on his PA😂

[vliegendevis]

iemand heeft dit vast al eens gedaan

van alle kleine hondjes whatsappstickers gemaakt

haar vingers in je oren geduwd om het geluid van de hagel op het plastic dak te dempen

roze tulpen van de albert heijn naar je gebracht op oudjaarsdag

het heeft eerder zo geonweerd

toen je hier aan deze tafel in deze bar zat

en precies hetzelfde spel met deze mensen,

je vrienden van de middelbare school, speelde

en je bent al heel

lang zo lang

als je nu bent

maar toen kende ik je nog niet

ik ben vaak zo bang geweest als vandaag

wakker geworden met een onderbuik van gonzende magma

en een hart van puimsteen

ik heb vaker een hand vastgehouden

die me niet gerust kon stellen

maar het was niet jouw hand

want ik kende je nog niet

[frogmanfae]

Newsies as Things I Heard This Week Number 4

It's a long one

Medda: That was vewy scawy

Race: she did not just say vewy scawy in front of a class at 7 am on a Monday-

Blink: *shows duck earrings*

Elmer: *gasp* I love him his name is jaramiah

Blink: No

Elmer: Yes

Blink: All my ducks are nonbinary

Elmer: ...Their name is jaramiah then idfc

Davey: Can the sun just... Go away for a minute?

Race: Forever. It can just blow up and be gone

Davey: ...No then we'd all be dead

Katherine: Omg I love your outfit!

Sarah: Oh thank y-

Katherine: It's giving like... Rosie the Rivitor we can do it but like... Gay

Sarah: ...

Sarah: Thank you...? I actually love that hold on-

Hotshot: Why do you have 2 sandwiches??

Spot: One of them is for Race

Hotshot: Oh

Albert: Awww they're having a lunch date

Spot: *glares*

Albert: ...No response?

Spot: *GLARES*

Albert: Why are you looking at me like that?

Elmer: *shrugs*

Albert: ...Is it because I just swore really loudly and angrily from the other room?

Elmer: Yeah what was that about?

Albert: The spoons fell when I opened the silverware drawer

Elmer: That seems like an appropriate response

Albert: Shut up

Morris Delancey: Do you ever like see an Elephant shit and like... You like it? Like like like I don't know! But like! I liked it! I don't know! It's just like- *very clearly desperately trying to be relatable and floundering*

(I DON'T KNOW THE CONTEXT TO THIS IT WAS SOME GUY WALKING BEHIND ME IN THE HALLWAY)

Denton: *walking past a group of students eating lunch* Hey I just had triscuts today!

Davey, the guy who brought an entire box of triscuts: They're good right?

Denton: They've been around for 50 years! *leaves*

Race: ...Guys what's a triscut? ... What's a triscut???

Davey, about Romeo: He drank a whole can of tomato soup in the middle of band! Like uncooked unheated, not diluted, straight up- like who does that?? What is he- ashuguwah

Jack: She said we don't have total freedom in America because if we did you could just say you're hungry go to your neighbors house take their baby and eat it

Davey: ...Yeah I don't know what's happening right now but we have work to get started

Race: Om nom

Jack: What??

Davey: *pokes boob with bass drum mallet*

Sarah: *mid sentence* :0

Buttons: Look at me! The football fan! I loove NFL footba-

Crutchie: Shut the fuck up

Buttons: :0

Crutchie: You are a lying piece of they/them shit

Davey: *writing something on notebook paper*

Race: I asked you if you had note book paper and you said no!

Davey: No I didn't?

Race: Yes you did!

Davey: You came with me to my locker to get this??

Race, gay: *shows Jack a picture of a guy*

Jack, bisexual: Smash

Katherine, bisexual: Eh, pass

Jack: Of course you say that it's a guy

Katherine: I am attracted to men

Race: Uh huh

Jack: Hey do you ever think about color theory?

Race: Oh yeah all the time

Katherine: Uh wait back track what do you mean uh huh???

Romeo, watching a video of an artist slowly revealing his work: I'd tap. Not him, the drawing. Oh wait its of a woman nevermind

Race: *steals Davey's phone out of his lap* I just took your cock

Davey: *not paying attention, writing notes* oh I'm just making a...

Race: Did you hear me?

Davey, now realizing Race did not, in fact, ask him what he was doing: ...

Davey: *sigh*

Jojo: Look at this *shows Romeo a video*

Romeo: Ooh

Romeo: I'd fuck a... Biblically accurate angel...

Jojo: ...

Jojo: That's a weird kink

Elmer: I like shiny things

Buttons: Of course you do, faggot

Elmer: :0

Elmer: Periodt

Davey: *random noise random noise* I have autism *random noise random noise*

Race, watching asmr: Ooh I think I'm gonna like this... Oh yeah. Yeah I like that. Hot knife and gummy worm, that's a new kink

Davey: Pff-

Race: I wonder if if that says anything about me

Race: I'm gonna send you into epidemiological shock

Davey: Is that a thing?

Race: *looks at notes he's currently writing on epidemiology*

Romeo: Why are you fondling nuts like that

Albert: *drops Race's phone* oh shit-

Race: You!... Hooker!

Sarah: I wanna take my hoodie off but I'll look like a whore

Davey: I cried over harry potter’s dead parents yesterday

Race: the line has been drawn

Davey: Get off your phone!!

Race: Noo!

Davey: You have a concussion!

Race: I don't care!!

Davey: Brain damage is no joke!

Race: Ho life or no life

Sarah: Hey I also have a flannel on!

Davey: Woah

Sarah: You'll just never see it cuz I have a hoodie-

Davey: You're gay too!

Sarah, who has a whole ass girlfriend: Ew! Gross! Don't call me that slur!!

Albert: I don't understand why I can't just drink water it's like- gsgatsv!

Denton: ...Okay I'm gonna start class now

Elmer, talking about things he'll remember after high school: With the black mold trombone!!

Race: Black mold trombone will go down in history

Race: Okay but first, water bottle flip

Race: You know what makes me happy? Pheromones

Jack: Why are you so obsessed with pheromones??

Race: Because I- actually I'm not gonna say that

Specs: Did you know that nothing would happen if you threw a glass of water on the sun? *yelling* THIS IS BECAUSE THE WATER WOULD NOT REACH THE SUN

Crutchie: I miss covid

Denton: I just wanna watch the football and go home

Race: watch the football

Davey: watch the football

TW SH JOKE Jack: I hope all cutters go to hell. Not like arm cutters like line cutters. I'm going to hell anyway because I'm gay

Albert, singing a choir warm up at band: Mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango banana banana banana whoo

Crutchie: I'm not in choir but I recognize that and I just realized you're autistic

Denton: That was weak. That was weak sauce. But I think it worked *enthusiastic thumbs up*

Elmer: I know my flowers

Spot: He does, he went to flower camp

Elmer: I did, it was fuckin SICK

Denton: Good news, you both exist!

Jojo: It's good to exist!

Crutchie: ...Okay

Spot: I'm gonna eat you and kill you

Davey, out of nowhere: *soft gasp* heliocase...

Race: Can you imagine if cells bullied each other? Like like "pff- you got a goofy lookin nucleas, idiot"

Spot: I'm gonna eat you, chew you up, and show your pieces to the world

Albert: Imagine just getting home from a long day of work and you just get c o n s u m e d

Elmer: It's super pretty cool

Jojo: Super pretty cool?

Elmer: Super pretty cool

Jojo: Oh nice

Race: I can't get embarrassed

Albert: You-

Albert: But-

Race: I've never been embarrassed in my life

Race: Yeah I don't even think I'd know what that feels like

Spot: What about when you got something nicknamed the "toddler disease" as an adult

Race: :0

Race: Look that's-

Spot: Even if you're not embarrassed, you *should* be!

Race: :00

Spot: Loser! With your toddler immune system !!

Race: Thats just dirty

Davey, a science teacher: What did you get out of reading this study? (About an experiment performed on lizards)

Class: *silence*

Davey: Did you.... Did you like it or-

Splasher, a student: Lizard...

Davey: What was that?

Splasher: For my senior pictures I'm gonna have a bearded dragon

Davey: Uh... Okay did you like the study or-?

Medda: I would never get rid of any of my beloved cello players!

Medda: ...

Medda: *holds up L on forehead*

Race: Pff-

Medda: No! I'm kidding! I'm kidding! I wouldn't get rid of Romeo!

Romeo: :0

Sarah: *zoning out in class, internally* omg his pockets are really deep

Denton: We've all heard that phrase before, we know what that means-

Myron: *has never heard the phrase ever* We? All??

Spot: *threateningly* you'll be the next lizard I test

Davey: *about science* it's like lasagna. It makes you want to choke but you love it because it's your favorite food

Denton: You should read the titles of some of these studies. I mean some of the TITLES are like a paragraph long I can only imagine what the articles are-

Denton: I suppose that's an analogy you could make

Romeo: It's just like Fall Out Boy for real

Jojo: Does that mean if I step on a baby I'm 72℅ Jesus? (I have no idea what this was about)

Davey: *sneezes*

Sarah: How dare you!

Katherine: *at the same time* bless you

Davey: Thank you, KATHERINE

Albert: I run at 5:40 every morning

Finch: Why would you-

Albert: I don't like it :(

Jack: Man come 8pm and I am WORTHLESS

Medda: I know student schedules are very busy so I won't give you any homework so you guys can focus on... Whatever you do... Homework, practices, jobs, injecting lizards with bacteria...

Katherine: I'm an advocate for highlighters I will always support highlighters

Jack: 🤨

Katherine: I support highlighters rights

Race, a scientist in the middle of a big project, exhausted out of his mind: *on the phone* honey, I- I can't watch the kids tonight. I got all these lizards to invest with bacteria and they're all dying and it's my- I did this to them

Spot, also exhausted out of his mind: And you did the kids to me you better get your ass home!

Davey: *loudly cracks his back*

Crutchie: ... BRO-

Davey, as if this happens a lot but this time in particular was bigger: That was intense

Denton, freshman academic biology teacher: It's that time of year where all the freshmen are like "I hate academic biology academic biology is so hard!" and all the sophomores taking advanced chemistry are like "I miss academic biology academic biology was so easy..." *big sigh* it's the same every year. Falls right in line with the pumpkin spice

Buttons: You can't make jokes like that, Mr. Denton

Denton: Yes you absolutely can and you should it was a good one

Davey, teaching a class: I have an occasional glass of red wine but other than that I'm not too wild

Les, a student in said class: Oh please

Davey: ...What?

Les: You heard me

Race: If you were a woman, you were a prostitute. It's what you did

Katherine: What history class are you in??

Crutchie: The sun is blindi- oh my god! What iss that??

Finch: It's new with the reset

Crutchie: What is that bright... /thing/??

Finch: It came with the latest update

Denton: Your lungs look like a carpet! A very outdated carpet, nobody makes carpet like that anymore. When I was a kid everyone's grandma had that carpet

Davey: Anyone else think that's super cool?

Everyone else: *silence*

Davey: Just lie to me

Race: Whoo!

Jack: Incredible!

Albert: So dope!

Davey: Yeah! There we go! Awesome!

Blink: Anyone? Just a piece? A little piece of inflammation?

Elmer, about Pulitzer; I don't think he sleeps.

Crutchie: Pff-

Elmer: No seriously. He responds to emails at midnight and he's at the school by 4 am. And he lives like 2 towns away.

Crutchie: Holy shit

Elmer: I know

Spot: Yeah! I got a jar and you don't!

Albert: Disgustingly gross child of Satan.

Race: Noo don't say that about yourself!

Albert: That's my dad. Satan.

Race: Oh. I mean yeah.

Race, a physics teacher: Alright! Sorry for the interruption, we were saying-....

Race: ...

Race: Position time graph! We-

Race: ...

Race: What were we talking about? Slope!

Davey: *drops paper* that's unfortunate

Sarah: What's up with that? It's like 2 pieces of paper. You can't handle 2 pieces of-

Davey: Shut the fuck up

Crutchie: Cholera! Hello!

TW SUICIDE JOKE Crutchie: You're the cell

Jack: What?

Crutchie: The cell is like "kill me please" you're the cell

Jack: :0

Davey: And then you walk into your- SNEEZE CLOUD!!!

Davey: I'm so gay, I love Crash Course with Hank Green

[yeastinfectionvale]

THAT'S IT

after finishing the second part to the prince albert fic i'm writing bezzetti om shanti om au

not sure who is who yet

[forislynx]

Det kan i vissa situationer vara en undanflykt att svara 'ingenting' på en fråga om vad det är man tänker på. [...] Men om svaret är uppriktigt, ger det uttryck åt ett sällsamt själstillstånd, där själva tomheten blir vältalig, där de dagliga gesternas kedja brustit och själen förgäves söker efter en länk som kan foga samman kedjan. I detta svar ligger ett första tecken på det absurda.

Albert Camus, Myten om Sisyfos

[tootern2345]

Various production art and animation drawings from various stuff including

1. Grim Natwick art from 1931

2. A caricature sketch of an associate done by Flesicher/Famous BG artist, Tom Ford

3. Drawing of Betty & Bimbo by Natwick for the 1930 Flesicher Talkartoon, Dizzy Dishes

4. Drawing done by Barre/Disney artist, Albert Hurter

5. Animation cel of Julie Bruin from Tiny Toons

6. Background art from a 1948 Terrytoon called Seeing Ghosts

7. Animation cel of Barnacle Boy from SpongeBob

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

BÄSTA JULKALENDERN TOURNAMENT: OMGÅNG 2

Nu är den här, nu är den här (underbart att du är där klappa pappa samma mamma)

Lite tankar om omgång 1:

Jag är lite besviken att 2007 inte vann. Tycker personligen att En riktig jul är bättre än LasseMaja (tycker faktiskt hela LasseMajas franchise är överskattad). Men men.

Nu i nästa omgång kommer både 2022 och 2023 vara med. Nu när 2023 har över halva julkalendern sänd kan det vara enklare att avgöra om den är bättre eller sämre mot den den möter.

Flera som blev oavgjorda, vilket gör att båda kommer vara med i nästa omgång.

Det var en som inte var oavgjord, och det var mellan Pelle Svanslös och Greveholm. Däremot, fick jag flertal protester angående detta, då det kändes orättvist, och därför går båda vidare... men bara denna omgång! 90-talet har helt enkelt för många bangers, så båda får gå vidare för denna gång. Här är grejen dock: Skulle båda gå vidare skulle de möta Greveholm 2. Och det kändes lite slag på näsan för Pelle Svanslös att möta två Greveholms på samma gång. Så vad gjorde jag då? Jag kunde gjort att Greveholm och Pelle Svanslös inte var i samma poll längre. Dock, vilka skulle de då möta? Då hade jag behövt placera om flera andra också. Och... jag är lite mer kaotisk än så. Jag bestämde mig... att de fortfarande är i samma poll, men att de byter position med en annan julkalender... så nu möter dem...

TROLLTIDER.

Innan ni sätter upp era högafflar: Min plan med detta är att jag vet att två av tre är giganter, och om de möter varandra nu kan det jämnas ut. ELLER, så blir folk så indecisive att de bestämmer sig att rösta på den som, självklart är populär, men kanske inte gigant på samma sätt. Vad jag säger är, detta kan leda till ett krig mellan Greveholm och Trolltider, och sen segrar Pelle Svanslös som the underdog. Eller inte. Kanske Pelle Svanslös leder hela tiden och det blir kalabalik! Eller så vinner Trolltider eller Greveholm istället, men bara en av dem! Vi får helt enkelt se! JAG ÄLSKAR KAOS.

Kanske kontroversiellt att en "större" julkalender kommer åka ut i omgång 2, men är det inte också lite roligt när det blir mer oförutsägbart vem som kan vinna?

Detta är den enda gången jag kommer göra sånna här ändringar i omgångarna. Från och med nu lovar jag att alla kommer hållas på samma plats i turneringen som innan.

Om ni vill hjälpa till att rösta på julkalendrar, speciellt de som typ ingen sett från 60-talet, här är Julkalendern 60 år där ni kan se små klipp och döma från dem.

Så... här är länken till pollsen:

Titteliture (1960) vs Julbåtens resa (1961) vs Mumindalen (1973)

Julpussar och stjärnsmällar (1986) vs Julens hjältar (1999)

LasseMajas detektivbyrå (2006) vs Tusen år till julafton (2015)

Storm på lugna gatan (2018) vs Kronprinsen som försvann (2022)

Farbror Pekkas handelsbod (1965) vs Fem myror är fler än fyra elefanter (1977)

Sunes jul (1991) vs Dieselråttor och sjömansmöss (2002)

Tjuvarnas jul (2011) vs Jul i Kapernaum (1995)

Albert och Herberts julkalender (1982) vs Herkules Jonssons Storverk (1969)

Tomtefamiljen i storskogen (1962) vs Långtradarchauförrens berättelser (1975)

Ture Sventon privatdetektiv (1989) vs Kaspar i Nudådalen (2001)

Superhjältejul (2009) vs Selmas saga (2016)

Mirakel (2020) vs Trolltider: Legenden om Bergatrollet (2023)

Mysteriet på Greveholm (1996) vs Pelle Svanslös (1997) vs Trolltider (1979/85)

Tomtemaskinen (1993) vs Allrams höjdarpaket (2004)

Mysteriet på Greveholm: Grevens återkomst (2012) vs Gumman som blev liten som en tesked (1967/76)

Julstrul med Staffan och Bengt (1984) vs Regnbågslandet (1970) vs Broster Broster (1971)

Kom ihåg nu att om er favorit inte vinner: De klarade sig iallafall till omgång 2. Det gör inte alla!

[whitewaterpaper]

Några äkta klassiska filmer på månadens lista, och som vanligt en den klassiker som flyttat till tuben på gamla dagar.

Alla Helgons Blodiga Natt / Halloween (1978) [👍] Klassisk skräckis som förtjänar sin klassikerstatus. Kommer troligtvis inte se några av uppföljarna dock (det var heller inte avsikten med att se den).

Den 27e dagen / 27th Day, the (1957) [👍🆓] Intressant brittisk SF som överraskar.

Djävulsflickan från Mars / Devil Girl from Mars (1954) [👎🆓] Patricia Laffan gör en storartad Garboisk insats i en film med en relativt löjlig premiss.

Mordet på Orientexpressen / Murder on the Orient Express (1974) [_] Albert Finney gör erkännes den märkligaste tolkningen av Poirot jag sett. Agatha Christie får säga vad hon vill om den, jag säger den ligger över filmen som en våt stickig filt.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021) [_] Inte fullt så dålig som jag tippade på förhand, men kämpar för att försöka ta sig över ribban för "hjärndött våld". Svårt att se den här utan att få en viss respekt för Paul W.S. Andersons prestation 2002.

Rymdinvasion i Lappland (1959) [👍] Kommer jag någonsin hitta en genuint bra svensk "se om"-film i färg*? Troligtvis inte --

Treasure of Matecumbe (1976) [_] Kuligt Disney-äventyr som kanske inte håller spec:arna för politiskt korrekt idag.

Uncharted (2022) [👍] Röjjigt actionäventyr av den moderna skolan. Helt klart värd att ses, och skulle inte ha något emot en uppföljare.

Vulcan, Son of Jupiter / Vulcano, figlio di Giove (1962) [🆓] Spretig.

Warlords of Atlantis (1978) [🆓] Den vite brittiske gentlemannen hittar Atlantis, har åsikter och anser sig givetvis vara dem som har rätt.

Så, vad skall @kulturdasset och alla porrbottar som följer mig ta med sig till tv:n från denna månads lista? Låt mig slå ett slag för Rymdinvasion i Lappland som jag måste erkänna var över alla förväntningar.

*) Givetvis är Göta Kanal och Sällskapsresan undantagna: jag är inte någon psykopat.

[shopperwithattitude]

ShopperWithAttitude 10 jaar!

26.04.2024

De blog van ShopperWithAttitude (SWA) bestaat vandaag precies tien jaar! SWA heeft de blog al die tijd gevuld met nieuwtjes over retail land, aanbiedingen, fotoreportages van winkeluitjes, tips over delicatessenzaken, en consumententests. 

Om de tien jaar te markeren volgt hier een overzicht van alle fotoreportages van winkeluitjes van ShopperWithAttitude.

Plein ‘ 40 - ‘ 45, Amsterdam Nieuw West (juni 2014)

Hoogvliet supermarkt, Leiden (juni 2014)

Waterlandplein, Amsterdam Noord (juli 2014)

Buikslotermeerplein, Amsterdam Noord (augustus 2014)

Gekke Gerrit, Amsterdam (september 2014)

Markthal, Rotterdam (oktober 2014)

De Hallen, Amsterdam West (november 2014)

(Jumbo) FoodMarkt, Amsterdam Noord (november 2014)

Bos & Lommerplein, Amsterdam West (december 2014)

Winkelcentrum Zuidplein, Rotterdam Zuid (januari 2015)

Purmerend (februari 2015)

Brighton, Engeland (maart 2015)

Nieuwe Deen in Diemen (maart 2015)

Osdorpplein, Amsterdam Nieuw West (maart 2015)

Nieuwe Jumbo en LIDL op Baarsjesweg, Amsterdam West (mei 2015)

Nettorama, Huizen (augustus 2015)

Den Haag Zuid West (augustus 2015)

Dekamarkt en nieuwe ALDI, Heerhugowaard (augustus 2015)

Reykjavík, IJsland (september 2015)

Almere Centrum (november 2015)

LIDL en nieuwe Deen in Amsterdam Noord (november 2015)

Kranenburg, Duitsland (december 2015)

Rotterdam Lombardijen (februari 2016)

Gent, België (februari 2016)

Lekkernijen proeven in Gent, België (februari 2016)

Gelderlandplein, Amsterdam Buitenveldert (maart 2016)

Jutland, Denemarken (mei 2016)

Nieuwe Hoogvliet in Haagse Bezuidenhout (mei 2016)

Nieuw winkelcentrum Mosveld in Amsterdam Noord (juni 2016)

Nieuwe Jumbo op Amsterdamse Plein ‘40 - ‘45 (juli 2016)

Manchester, Engeland (juli 2016)

Nieuwe Vomar op Amsterdamse Cruquiuskade (augustus 2016)

Jumbo Foodmarkt en Emté in Veghel (september 2016)

Nieuwe duurzame Albert Heijn in Purmerend (november 2016)

Vernieuwde Albert Heijn in Amsterdamse Jodenbreestraat (november 2016)

Gran Canaria (december 2016)

Vernieuwde Beurspassage in Amsterdam (december 2016)

Nieuwe Deen in Amsterdam IJburg (december 2016)

Nieuwe Dirk in Amsterdamse Warmoesstraat (december 2016)

Leeds (december 2016)

World of Food (Dekamarkt) en winkeluitje in Beverwijk (februari 2017)

Amsterdam ZuidOost (februari 2017)

Brussel en Charleroi (februari 2017)

Markthal Madrid (maart 2017)

Lambertus Zijlplein, Amsterdam Nieuw West (april 2017)

Lissabon (april 2017)

Duka, Zweedse keuken winkel, Amsterdam Buitenveldert  (april 2017)

Albert Heijn XL, Amsterdam Buitenveldert (april 2017)

Mercado, Antwerpen (mei 2017)

Winkelcentrum Utrecht Overvecht (juni 2017)

Stockholm (juni 2017)

Madrid (augustus 2017)

Hudson’s Bay, Amsterdam (september 2017)

Hudson’s Bay en Leiden, Leiden (september 2017)

Hudson’s Bay, Almere (oktober 2017)

Hudson’s Bay, Rotterdam (oktober 2017)

Palermo (oktober 2017)

ALDI nieuwe stijl, Uithoorn (december 2017)

Grootste Nederlandse LIDL in Amsterdam Noord (december 2017)

Uitgebreide LIDL in Amsterdamse Indische buurt (december 2017)

Nieuwe Coop in Amsterdamse Rivierenbuurt (februari 2018)

Keulen (maart 2018) Nieuwe ALDI in Sevilla (april 2018)

LIDL in Antwerpen staakt (april 2018)

Hudson’s Bay in Haarlem (mei 2018)

Eerste Normal winkel in Nederland: Utrecht (mei 2018)

Winkelcentrum Alexandrium, Rotterdam (september 2018)

Nieuwe ALDI Postjesweg, Amsterdam (september 2018)

Parijs (januari 2019)

Winkelcentrum Rødovre Centrum, Kopenhagen (februari 2019)

Utrechtsestraat, Amsterdam (april 2019)

Winkeluitje in Hoofddorp (mei 2019)

Scandinavisch design (Bolia.com) in Amsterdamse Utrechtsestraat (mei 2019)

LIDL terug op Amsterdamse August Allebeplein (juli 2019)

Winkeluitje naar Mall of Scandinavia & Saluhall in Stockholm (juli 2019)

Winkeluitje in York (oktober 2019)

Street Food Market in Madrid (februari 2020)

Nieuwe Turkse supermarkt in Amsterdam (maart 2020)

Melly's Cookie Bar in Amsterdam verkoopt alfajores (mei 2020)

Sweet Bob - Braziliaanse lekkernijen in Amsterdam (mei 2020)

Historische Food Hall weer open in Stockholm (oktober 2020)

Voortgang Mall of the Netherlands (november 2020)

Poiesz supermarkt in Groningen (november 2020)

Noordse lekkernijen in Scandinavian Embassy (december 2020)

Heropende ALDI in Amsterdamse Pijnackerstraat (december 2020)

Basis E Markt in Den Haag (maart 2021)

Marktbeperkingen Amsterdamse Plein ‘40 - ‘45 wegens Corona (juni 2021)

Winkeluitje naar Palladium in Praag (november 2021)

SWA bezoekt Mall of the Netherlands (augustus 2022)

SWA bezoekt Markthal in Rotterdam opnieuw (oktober 2022)

SWA's heimelijke Duitse tripje tijdens Corona-lockdown (oktober 2022)

SWA bezoekt Kranenburg opnieuw (oktober 2022)

Winkeluitje naar Colombo winkelcentrum in Lissabon (januari 2023)

Winkeluitje naar Fisketorvert winkelcentrum in Kopenhagen (februari 2023)

Winkeluitje in Field's winkelcetrum in Kopenhagen (december 2023)

Winkeluitje naar Globen winkelcentrum in Stockholm (april 2024)