#all I really want to do is close my eyes and continue my Dan story

[running-in-the-dark]

so I took my meds again last night, and then slept for about 15 hours. it's midnight now, I haven't been awake that long yet. I'm super tired still but mostly I just feel so empty. I wish there was something I wanted to do right now.

[13thdoctorposts]

Because of all the recent asks about the current series I thought I'd send one about 13 to give you a break. So, in 13's era what are your favourite episodes and what themes or ideas did you find particularly compelling? Just feel free to gush essentially.

lol, I appreciate all asks but I do love to gush about 13 era so let’s do it.

I think many of us love Doctor Who for the theme of found family. What I liked about the 13 era is it shows found family in different ways.

You have Ryan and Graham. With Grace gone and Ryan being 19, they could both choose now to go their separate ways. But they don’t. By joining Yaz and the Doctor, they fix their relationship and become as close as any grandfather and grandson. Joining Yaz and the Doctor helps this, as the four of them become fam. It’s not about blood but actions.

Yaz comes from a stable, loving family. It's not broken. She and her sister clearly rib each other a bit, but they also have a caring relationship. But, what Yaz lacks is making her life have more meaning. By joining the boys and the doctor, she finds people to do that with. They are people she would risk her life for.

The Doctor has no one. She has just lost everyone and is still devastated by the loss of Bill. She has regenerated and is truly alone. But, she falls into the middle of these people’s lives. And while she has something to offer them, all of Time and Space they have something to offer her: companionship. She doesn’t have to be alone. She can see things again with new and excited eyes. Though she tries to keep her shadows hidden from her fam, they are also the rock that keeps her moving forward.

I think the era has many strong arcs. Graham and Ryan get through grief and choose each other. Ryan's relationship with his Dad. Ryan finds confidence in himself and is not let down by his disability. In the end, confidence and friendship on earth lead him to be ready to take on the world on his terms and help his planet. Also, Graham gets his grandson and gets through his grief of Grace, and is able to continue honouring her by looking after Ryan.

We have 13 with all her issues, particularly identity and letting people in. While she deals with her identity, her time is cut a little too short to fully deal with opening up. But, she does open up to Yaz about her feelings for her. I think that’s very vulnerable for this Doctor. And it's far more important for Yaz than knowing the Doctor's past.

Yaz we have mental health and confidence. We have her coming out and Thasmin. But, my favorite arc for the era is Yaz’s Doctorfication. It's really the end of all her arcs and time with the Doctor.

If we think of the kid we meet in TWWFTE she wants to be doing more to help, but she also wants to stick to the rules. She ultimately lacks confidence. She follows the Doctor (which is good for the story) because she doesn't have all the answers and doesn't want to sound crazy to her superiors. Theres a bit about worrying about how she'll be taken here. But, she was also willing to try to stand up to the Doctor. This showed the Doctor her leadership potential, even though she wasn’t there yet. And in a lot of stories she was essentially the 2IC of the team it wasn’t Ryan, Graham or Dan. And that 'flat team structure' was often more aspirational than anything else, lol. At the end of series 11, we know she’s had issues with depression. But, she’s also ready to follow the Doctor no matter what happens. So, even if she dies. 

In series 12, we dive deeper into the mental health. We see the way she reacts in Spyfall when she thinks she’s died. We see her story in Can You Hear Me. Through the season we see her step up and go off in her own, especially in Praxeus and TTC. Graham’s asking who’s going to go through first the force field to Gallifrey first. But, he hasn’t finished his sentence and she’s already walking through. She’s now the one telling people it’s dangerous and they don’t have to come. And we also start seeing those hints of her falling for the Doctor thought the series.

Then, in Revolution, we see her in what looks like a possible men brake or some sort of manic state that lasted 10 months. She slept in a sleeping bag on the floor trying to find the Doctor. When the most logical conclusion is that the Doctor is dead. Losing the Doctor breaks her. So, we see her mental health issues return. We also see how much she cares for the Doctor. The Doctor's friends have moved on, but Yaz clearly loves her and can't. This is after a season of watching her step up more. It's like a great mix of Yaz stepping up to find the Doctor. But, it's fruitless. And, it's also going backwards mentally at the loss. It's really quite interesting to watch the positives and negatives come together. Yaz might be having a mental break. But, she also has enough confidence to think she can still find the Doctor. 

Then we get to Flux and the specials. We open with married couple Thasmin bickering. It's my favorite scene of the whole show. But now we have a Yaz who isn't just letting the Doctor push her away. She's calling the Doctor out while also adventuring by her side. It's the most equal we have seen them. It's probably the most equal a Doctor and regular companion can be, one that's human. If you look at Series 11 Yaz and Flux Yaz we really have gone from a kid to a grown woman. She calls things out and speaks her mind. But, she also does good and helps the universe. In ways TWWFTE yaz could have only dreamed. We start to see more obvious signs of Thasmin and Yaz's feelings. This happens as she leads her own team through the early 1900s. She is now essentally the Doctor of this team. Then we have the specials. She has to confront her feelings. In LotSD, 13 confesses her feelings but says they can't be together. We see Yaz's confidence now ask why, not just accept the Doctor words. Then we get to the beach. It's pure heartbreak. There, we see a mature woman. She knows their feelings are real but they are doomed. Loving the Doctor is always doomed. and Yaz loves her enough to leave it.

Then in The Power of the Doctor, we see peak Yaz. She flies the TARDIS and catches Ace jumping off a building. She takes on the Master and saves 13 many times. She gets everyone home safe, just like 13 would do. We see her lose the woman she loves but in that episode we see her Doctorfication arc complete. But it's a healthy one. She has taken the best parts of the Doctor with her. She isn't burdened by the morally grey aspects. So she is as much the Doctor as a Human can be. She is the true successor of 13 to me. She was The Doctor's best student. She left the TARDIS without being morally compromised and with all the best lessons from 13.

You said to gush... probably didnt think it would be this much. lol

I'm terrible at picking fav eps so I'll do top 3 for each series... this is always subject to change. lol

S11 The Woman Who Fell to Earth, Demons of the Punjab, It Takes You Away

S12 Fugitive of the Jadoon, The Haunting of Villa Diodati, The Timeless Children

S13: Flux War of the Sontarians, Village of the Angels, Survivors of the Flux

Speicals: All of them 

[hexologh]

“ME AND THE DEVIL.”

I'm not really good at doing Yandere stuff, Kinda busy with my main story at wattpad too, Since school is over I just wanted to relax ya know?

Cool request @chipichopi Hope this little story is okay, like I said I'm not good with yandere stuff..

Hope the lyrics are right, I mean I listened to the song cuz I don't really listen to Stalkers tango, but it's a good song.

You don't know how long you've been trapped in this room. Hours? Days? Weeks? Time has become a blur, and the only thing that remains constant is the presence of the one who calls himself your "forever love."

But love? No, this isn't love—it's something darker, something twisted. It's an all-consuming obsession that suffocates you.

In the midst of your confinement, a faint melody reaches your ears, originating from outside the room. It emanates from his living room, perhaps. You wonder what could possibly be happening out there, but in this confined space, it hardly seems to matter.

Suddenly, the door swings open with a resounding bang, causing you to flinch involuntarily. The chains that bind your hands clink together, the sound echoing in the silence.

Suddenly, the room was filled with music, and there he stood before you.

Macaque, that was his name, now etched into your memory. As he gazed at you with his love-sick eyes, a sense of revulsion washed over you. Yet, you couldn't help but admit that, for a talking monkey, he possessed an undeniable allure.

"I know, I know, I know this situation's strange..~" he sang, his voice echoing through the room. Each step he took brought him closer, and you couldn't help but sweat nervously as you instinctively moved backward, your back colliding with the cold, unyielding wall.

Macaque seized your chin forcefully, tilting your face upward to meet his intense gaze. His grip left you with no choice but to look into his eyes.

"Love me, love me, love me, love me, Love me, love me, love me, love me, Love me, love me, love me, love me more than you possibly can...!" Macaque repeated the words, his voice filled with an eerie passion. You could have sworn you saw hearts forming in his eyes, an unsettling display of his distorted affection.

He pulled you into a tight, suffocating embrace, his grip exceeding the boundaries of comfort.

"Dance," he whispered with a commanding tone, leaving you with no choice but to comply. Reluctantly, you moved in sync with him, your bodies swaying to the rhythm of the song.

"It's not that complicated, no matter what they say," Macaque grinned, revealing his sharp fangs. "You'll never meet another me..." The sinister undertone in his voice sent shivers down your spine.

As his forehead pressed against yours, closing the distance between you, he continued, "I know, I know, I know I'm always in your place. But don't you see, my dear? I am your Doppelgänger. Have your faith so.." His chuckle carried a dark edge, a foreboding sign of his twisted desires. A crimson hue spread across his face, intensifying the eerie atmosphere.

"—Love me, love me, love me, love me, Love me, love me, love me, love me, Love me, love me, love me, love me more than you possibly can!" Macaque emphasized the line, his favorite in the song. The words made you feel nauseated, repulsed by his deluded affection. You longed for it to stop, for someone to rescue you from this torment.

"It's not that complicated, no matter what they say. You'll never meet another me! It's not that difficult to get your head around. You'll never meet another me. You'll never-never-never-ever-ever meet another me!" His possessiveness rang through his words, declaring that he wanted you all to himself, denying anyone else the chance to be with you.

As you danced, the chains that bound you tugged and caused pain whenever you moved too far from him. The ache served as a constant reminder of your captivity. You yearned to strike back, kick him to where the sun don't shine.

—But alas, it seemed that fate had abandoned you in this twisted dance.

"Ey-ey-ah, Bada-bam-bam-bam-bam, Bada-bam-bam-bam-bam, Bada-ba-ah Bam-bam-bam-bam, Bada-bam-bam-bam-bam, Bada-bam-bam bam-bam, Bada-ba...!" Macaque smiled, swaying his body while forcibly moving yours in tandem. His touch was invasive, manipulating your every movement.

Suddenly, his hand found its way to your throat, his sharp claw resting against your skin. You couldn't discern whether he intended to kill you or if it was another sick display of his power.

"It's not that complicated, no matter what they say. I'll never meet another you. It's not that difficult to get my head around. I'll never meet another.. you..." His words sounded alarmingly genuine, as if he truly believed them.

Nah.., you refused to succumb to this madness. You would not allow yourself to fall in love with this maniac.

Never.

[lovelynim]

YES YES YESSSSS hi my love i’m so proud of you congrats on 400 hehe

may i please request dan heng and caelus and discovery tickles (i want you to pick the lee bc i love your brain) ?? you’re awesome i can’t wait to see how this event turns out it’s so fun

THANK YOU SO MUCH

Both for the message and for this request huehuehue

I got a little carried away and I haven't played a f*cking second of HSR but im in love with them so i hope they don't sound too ooc

Dan Heng looked over his shoulder when the sound of the door opening reached his ears. Narrowing his eyes, the archivist tried to recognize the figure by its silhouette before saying something.

“Dan Heng, are you here?” Caelus said, walking inside the room and letting the door close behind him. With the sound of steps coming from behind a shelf, Dan Heng showed up, wearing a rather calm look on his voice.

“Yes, I’m here,” he said, looking at the trailblazer. “Do you need anything?”

Caelus shook his head, scratching the back of his head as he tried to come up with a proper answer. “I… just wanted to check on you. I haven’t seen you all day, so I got a little worried,” he admitted, hoping his ‘futile’ reason wouldn't annoy the archivist. “I hope I’m not bothering you or anyth-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan Heng interrupted and, despite his usual cold facade, Caelus could tell he was being kind of friendly. “I wasn’t working on anything important.”

The answer gave Caelus a mixed feeling, making the man raise an eyebrow in curiosity. As much as it soothed his previous worries, it opened room for a new question. “Wait, what were you doing back there, then?”

As the silence started covering up all the noises in the room, Caelus’s curiosity only grew larger. “I mean, I could barely see you from the entrance, it was almost as if you were hiding,” he joked, letting out a nervous chuckle as he hoped to at least ease the tension between them.

Dan Heng sighed, his intuition telling him that running from the topic would only lead to further questioning and, even worse, ruin his whole “plan”. 

“Truth to be told, that was what I was doing,” the archivist replied, trying to make it sound as normal as possible.

“Ah, I see- huh?! You were?!” It took him a few seconds to realize, not expecting his suspicions to be confirmed like that. “Why? Hiding from what?”

Dan Heng pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out an audible groan. It was such an absurd situation, such an embarrassing position to be in. But, looking on the bright side, maybe talking it out with Caelus would help.

“From March,” the archivist sighed, crossing his arms as he looked away, avoiding eye contact out of shyness, “she is probably… hunting me down right now.”

“W-what? From March? What happened?”

Was he really doing it? He guessed so, “we were hanging together earlier today and, for some reason, she started complaining about ‘how cold I am sometimes’ or something along these lines…”

“Uh-huh…” Caelus nodded, trying to follow Dan Heng’s line of thought.

“So, at first I didn’t care because it should be just another one of her ramblings, but she felt like I was ignoring her and started poking me.”

Caelus widened his eyes. From that sentence, he could guess where this was going and why Dan Heng seemed so annoyed. Taking some slow and quiet steps towards the archivist, the trailblazer nodded, humming in agreement.

“And- ahm, well, it felt… a little- ugh, a little ticklish,” he continued the story, not noticing how Caelus was slowly approaching him, to disturbed by the idea of voicing something like that, “a-anyway, I think this flipped some switch inside her; She started saying things, I guess to try tease me, and making a fuss over the idea of me being ticklish.”

“So… that’s why you decided to hide here? To avoid March tickling you?”

“Yes- Well, no, I mean, it’s not like that. It’s just that I’m not in the mood to fool around with her and I have work to do-”

“But are you?”

Dan Heng quickly turned his face towards Caelus as those words landed on his ears. The boy was merely inches away from him at that point, making the same face as March did when she made her little discovery.

[f0linasahl0]

more things about the livestream experience before i go completely insane.

(warning: this is going to be a long one)

1: why is [bishop] lisden's favorite song mulberry street and why is [bishop] sacarver's favorite (if i remember) the outside or stressed out....i just want to throw that out there

2: i absolutely adore the piano spread whatever thing tyler does before he goes and raps to migrane. i dont know what its called but when he runs his hand across the piano, it was good. how did he make it sound so good and musical...

3: why is the shy away livestream version the only livestream version that is on their official "the story" playlist??? i keep thinking about that (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3roRV3JHZzaU_kQ4-7uv-ahPbFabFmRW)

4: also thinking about how they cut off holding onto you before the outro. basically all there was of holding onto you was the "entertain my faith" part...thinking about the lore THERE. how a "good day dema" ad cut off the ending as well then they talk about how happy they are !! then how it goes to mulberry street after dan LISDEN says its his favorite then how it goes so blurry BEFORE THE AD??? ----"entertain my faith" sounds something like he..wants more from the religion but they cut him off from continuing the rest of holding onto you..like he got in trouble or something? i dont know man

5: "dema is bringing you this music collection that is vibrant with saturation"... "dema wants you to enjoy this collection"..."i just felt trapped before having this collection" ... "contentment"...."now that youve heard some of this collection you must be just like us, completely saturated"..."sometimes i close my eyes to try to escape...you know you cant escape sally...yes i know!" PROPAGANDA

6: why is he holding and grabbing his head so much. past the literal deadpan ass stare hes got through the majority if not all of the experience (like even while doing his little dances you'd think he'd be smiling during...), why does he grip his head so often-- i talked about this before but like what are they doing to him man he like grips his head in almost pain so much

7: also thinking about what the lore implications of jenna and debby being in this...because im pretty sure its shown jenna in levitate is a bandito i only assume debby was one too. why are they there?? were they caught too? or did dema make clones of them to use against josh and tyler?

8: "i cant wait to see you again"

9: ”in a world where this is as good as it gets…we miss you. we really do.”

10: also can we discuss the "CONTROLLED by" dma org and good day dema??? this photo is blurry as hell but CONTROLLED BY! not PRODUCTION OF! specific word choice..also dma org...dmaorg.info...why are clancy's letters posted on a website thats directly correlated with dema...letters from his time inside as well as time outside...can we like talk about that--like other than the obvious showcase that they have his letters and are using them to lie to the people, why are they going through dmaorg?? if clancy isnt directly with dema why are they--why are they going through there???

11: the whole cutscene before lane boy "there was a wonderful structure to the city that put my cares to rest and the responsibilities of the day seemed to be accomplished with minimal effort. once a task was taught and understood, our obligations timely, and it felt secure knowing tomorrows duties would be accomplished with the same efficiency. we all worked to represent our bishop with honor knew that each inhabitant of our region had a like-minded dedication to consistency....why do i kneel to these concepts? tempted by control, control by temptation. stay low, they say. stay low," then the direct contradiction of the redecorate rap he inserts, “with the bells and the whistles scaled back like an isolated track, and he feels trapped when he's not inebriated fair to say he's fairly sedated most days of the week. he might have made it if he lived on a different street. i repeat, scaled back and isolated he says he likes an open schedule but he mostly hates it if you're running to his room, take a breath before you break-in put your ear up to the door, tell me can you hear him saying?” using clancy's letters to show praise to dema then clancy (tyler) directly contradicting being like "no i hold zero praise for this city" and saying how hes isolated and sedated when hes not preforming--how he ALMOST made it out. how if he lived A LITTLE closer to the walls he wouldnt be there right now-

12: the way the old songs are "SCALED BACK AND ISOLATED" ???? A SCALED BACK AND ISOLATED TRACK????

13: the way ned is missing in chlorine when he was such a big part of chlorine

14: AGAIN this shy away version. one-why is it so important to the story, two-the 9 chairs for 9 bishops around the table, three-i fucking love the guitarist by josh i love his energy, four-THE WAY HE BREAKS A GLASS WHEN TALKING ABOUT BREAKING THE CYCLE IN HALF???, THE SCREAM !!!! so many things

[so many things you guys]

15: the fucking bishop ass dancers to stressed out....can we discuss that too. ALSO HOW THEY DRAG HIM TO THE NEXT STAGE FOR STRESSED OUT?

16: "but remember you should- *cut off*" YOU SHOULD WHAT SALLY SACARVER????

17: also firstly, how beautiful the ukulele part was...it was so gorgeous, also the transition was amazing. though past that, can we talk about how fucking sad he looked on that little boat with his uke? was that a mock to his escape attempts? to him singing to an empty sky in trench? singing to the banditos as they boat someplace safer? like...

18: THE MOCKING OF THE BANDITOS WITH THE FUCKING JUMPSUIT/HEAVYDIRTYSOULD PART?? why would dema do that? why would the bishops actively make josh and tyler look like the banditos if it wasn't just a mock? they dont like the banditos i thought why would they have them dressed up like that? like torchbearer bringing the torch to the stage and the look josh has on his face-then tyler also being in a bandito outfit. like--it has to be mocking his attempts. mocking the banditos or SOMETHING

19: heathens being in the livestream makes me think a little too but i dont know. "all my friends are heathens take it slow, wait for them to ask you who you know. please dont make any sudden moves you dont know half of the abuse."

20: also first, what was that alarm that was sounded before never take it? what happened there? second, the lore people have posted about never take it and how it was about the bishops? the way it was played while the alarm was going off and it was almost messier filming...

21: HIM ENDING THE LIVESTREAM WITH "nobody's coming for me" and his deadpan look (sobbing)

22: again, bringing up sally sacarver and dan lisden. sacarver and lisden being bishop's names and hosting this livestream. then showing directly how the bodies they are controlling are deteriorating as the show goes on. "The rules are that you can only seize or control a dead body, and only for a short while."

23: also just the heavydirtysoul part. starting to think about the: "I tricked Nico into taking me outside the walls. I created a fiery diversion. I escaped." i just keep thinking about that and:

24: "we've come for you, we've got people on the way, no chances, none at all" the way this is direct quotes from dan and sally, who are bishops, and it is also direct lyrics (or close to direct lyrics) from no chances. it just keeps cementing itself on everything ive already thought about

25: past just the livestream experience what is with josh and the bucket hat lol. i love it but like.-

26: "you ask me if its real, i see your shifting eyes, you dig in your heels, i dig my hole to die" also wondering why the "live from the outside" version is here rather than the original.-is it important

27: his little dances are my favorite thing-

28: CAR RADIO...car radio. thats it thats the point. just the car radio part is everything to me--its giving old car radio performances and im living for it. though also old car radio performances? did they put it together like that on purpose?

29: NEVER TAKE IT HAVING A BURNING CAR HOLY SHIT FIREY DIVERSION? LMAO just how close he is to the camera during this too...so many thoughts

30: "...you know you cant escape sally...yes i know!" IS THIS LIVESTREAM SHOWING CLANCY AND HOW HE DIDN'T ESCAPE EITHER?? SHOWING THAT HE HAS BEEN CAUGHT AND IF HE CANT ESCAPE, THE NOTORIOUS CLANCY, THEN YOU CANT EITHER???! SO MANY THOUGHT!!

[sorry for how long this is-]

DID THIS SHOW HOW MANY THOUGHTS I HAVE HERE. im going insane like i keep thinking about the lore implications of this goddamn livestream. i have more points (i will make a essay list whatever for it all so i don't go any crazier) but this is already a lot for one post. just wanted to like...throw this out there. i know some might be a stretch but please just hear me out. just hear me out :,)

[magicalbuttertarts]

NJPW Masterlist

That Damn Dress

Drilla Moloney x f/Reader (18+)

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Warnings: smut under the cut. Oral (m receiving) p in v. Unprotected sex. Slight choking.

Requested by anonymous. Hope you like it.

From my previous account plentyoffandoms.

©️ magicalbuttertarts 2024: do not repost or translate my work. This is the only place I post my work.

WC: 1256

When she told me she was going to distract Hiromu Takahashi and Bushi, I was not expecting her to be wearing that.

My mouth felt like it was going dry, and I couldn't focus on anyone but her. Hiromu Takahashi, who I was in the ring with, got easily distracted by her, so much so that he left me alone.

Clark, I could hear screaming behind me to get my head in the game, and I used this moment to win the match.

She got into the ring with the two of us, as we were announced the winners, and keeping out belts.

She stood between us and held our hands up high.

I helped her out of the ring and up the ramp towards the back. I knew she wasn't overly comfortable wearing heels and the ones she was wearing a high.

"I see Clark has already found someone to take home tonight." She pointed out as we walked past him, flirting with one of the venue higher ups.

"You know how he is. One woman a night. I am stunned that he hasn't caught anything yet."

"Says the man who had a woman constantly coming and going from his room all night long." Did I detect a hint of jealousy?

"I am not jealous!" Opps, guess I said that part out loud.

"Well, tell the tone of your voice that sweetheart." Her eyes narrowed at me, but it was really hard to take her serious when she is still wearing that fucking dress.

I took a step closer, and she didn't budge. Okay, that is a good sign. I put my hand on her waist, and she didn't tense up. She didn't move. She just continued to look at me.

"How about I show you why I have women coming over all the time." She scoffed at me, turning her head to look at the wall next to us. I placed my hand on her chin and gently coaxed her to turn to look at me once more.

"You won't regret it, love."

She was fighting an inner battle with herself, I could see that. "Just one night."

Just one night, I am asking for to spend it with the woman I have fallen hard for. She may not like me how I like her, but fuck, please say yes.

"Yes, Dan." My hand tightened on her waist.

"Keep the dress and heels on."

◆

I couldn't believe that this was finally happening. We could hardly keep our hands to ourselves as we made our way to my hotel room.

Our lips barely left one another as I stripped naked, her hands touching my skin after every piece of article that came off my body.

I fell backwards on the bed, pulling her down with me. The sound of her giggles making me smile before my mouth dropped open at the feeling of her lips leaving hot, open mouth kisses in her path downwards.

Her lipstick left little stains, like she was claiming me. She settled on her knees between my thighs, gripping my cock gently, but firmly, making me shiver.

I propped myself up on my elbows, watching to see what she would do next.

She made eye contact with me and scooted back even more, but never once broke eye contact. Not even when she stuck out her tongue, and gave the underside of my cock one long lick, making me moan her name.

She did this a few times, and then she wrapped her lips around my cock, licking the slit. I collapsed against the bed, my hips bucking, wanting her to take more of me in her mouth.

But she just slapped my thigh as a warning.

Do that again, and she will pull her mouth away.

I lifted my head and watched as she closed her own eyes as she started to suck on just the tip. I was like her own personal lollipop, and she couldn't get enough of me.

I groaned out her name as she slowly started to take me down her throat, inch by agonising inch, until her face was nestled against pubes.

She stayed there for who knows how long, keeping my cock warm with her mouth.

My hands went to my hair, pulling on it, as I wanted nothing more than to flip us over and fuck her face, but at that moment, she lifted her head, until just the tip was left. Then this woman gave me the best fucking blow job I have ever had.

She knew what I liked and knew how much pressure to apply with her tongue and hands.

I was so close to coming that I had to do something to make this last longer. I gripped her hair in my hand and pulled her head off of me.

Before she could open her mouth, I spoke. "Need you, now."

◆

Her dress was bunched up around her waist, as she bounced in my lap. My hands were gripping her hips as I kissed and nipped her chest, leaving my own marks upon her body.

I pulled my face back to watch her use me for her own pleasure. Her eyes were closed, her mouth was hanging open, and little moans were falling from her lips. Her pussy tight around my cock.

The moment she slid down upon me, I knew that no one else was allowed to have her. No one else is ever allowed to feel her wrapped around them like this.

"You're mine." I growled out, as I watched my cock disappear into her body. Her pussy squeezing me just right. She didn't respond, to wrapped up at how my cock was stretching her pussy.

"Fuck, so big Dan." She moaned, and that went straight to my already massive ego.

"I know, love, and you are taking me so well."

Now, her moans were bouncing off the walls, her pace never faltering, even after coming on my cock.

I could tell she was close, and so was I.

But I needed her to finish one more time. I was about to flip us over when she grabbed my hand and brought it up to her throat.

I immediately took over, wrapping my hand around her throat, watching her for any discomfort, but that she seemed to make her ride me faster.

It didn't take long for her to cry out my name, her pussy spasming around my cock, as she came.

Her body is now tired, and she stopped bouncing her body twitched from the aftermath of her orgasm, I let go of her throat, and she collapsed against my chest.

I gripped her ass cheeks and pounded up into her, quickly filling her up. I groaned against the top of her head as I came.

My orgasm seemed to bring on a smaller one for her, as her pussy started to milk me for everything I had to give, and then some.

She lifted her head from my chest and looked up at me. I kissed her gently this time, as my cock started to soften in her pussy.

"Go out with me." I muttered. She pulled back. "Pardon me?" Her eyes were scanning my face to see if I was playing me.

"Go out with me. I have liked you ever since David brought you in."

"Yes." She didn't even hesitate, and she kissed me once more.

We spent the rest of the night getting to know each other bodies and mind even better.

Tag list: @lghockey @nicoleveno14 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @hooks-martin @wwenhlimagines @melissahausen @madhatterbri @faerieofthenightcourt @tahiri-veyla @crowleysqueenofhell @yukioni02

[integra1127grimmreaper]

Probably Think This Song Is About You

Warning: Angst, swearing

Summary: Story inspired by Carly Simon's - You're So Vain. You're dragged to a heroes' reunion by your close friend/ex-colleague, where you of course run into your ex.

You sat silently drinking at your corner table (one that you had deliberately zoned in on the instant you arrived), whilst the rest of your vigilante ex-colleagues mingled about amongst each other. You really weren’t in the mood for this crap and hadn’t even planned on attending this event but then Laurie popped up in your living-room, along with Jon (times like these you cursed Manhattan for his superpowers).

So, here you were stuck at this reunion party for heroes present and past (brainchild of Adrian’s). It was quite weird seeing everyone unmasked and out of costume, just having a ball of a time; partying and drinking the night away.

It wasn’t really all that bad, the food was good, there was over enough alcohol to keep everyone cheery and the company at your table wasn’t too bad either.

“I’m surprised you actually came” Dan remarks in an attempt to make polite conversation.

“Laurie and Glowstick popped up in my loving-room, didn’t have much of a choice” you shrug taking a sip of wine.

A confused Dan furrows his brows.

“Glowstick?”

“Manhattan.”

“Oh... I get it, because of how he glows...” Dan chuckles at your words.

You smile at his reaction, silently eyeing him for a bit.

“You’re not as boring as I thought you were.”

“Ahem... thank you” Dan deadpanned at your comment.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his response.

“It wasn’t intended as an insult. Just, you’re a lot more fun when out of the costume.”

Dan finally gives you an amused smirk then.

“You know who I was actually looking forward to seeing?”

“Queen B other there... I’m guessing” you drawl, nudging your head in Sally’s direction with an eyeroll.

‘God, no...” Dan bursts out laughing, causing you to giggle.

“Who then?”

“Rorschach. Was really hoping to see him out of costume.”

“Gosh-that-would-be-a-sight...” you snort, nearly spitting out the alcohol in your mouth.

“I doubt anyone has ever seen his face out from under that oversized sock.”

“True...” Dan chuckles out. His face turning to a more serious one then.

“I’m glad you came though...”

For the first time during the entire event, a genuine smile crosses your features.

“I am too. You made it enjoyable.”

Dan flashes a shy smirk at your remark, reaching out a hand then.

“Would you care for a dance?”

Flashing him a smile in response, you place your hand into his.

“I’d love to...”

You were actually enjoying yourself whilst dancing with Dan, the evening seeming to be quite enjoyable, until it wasn’t.

Son of a gun

You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht Your hat strategically dipped below one eye Your scarf it was apricot You had one eye in the mirror, as you watched yourself gavotte And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner They'd be your partner and

You're so vain You probably think this song is about you 

*

“I see the party started without me!” the loud and obnoxious voice of the one person you had hoped not to see this evening rang out through the room.

“Great...” you softly groan, gaining a sympathetic look from Dan.

“Hoping he wouldn’t come, I take it?” Dan remarks and you roll your eyes, sighing.

“One of the reasons why I planned not to come.”

“He hasn’t seen you yet. Do you want to continue dancing or go back to our table?” Dan suggests.

“Actually, I think I'm going to find Laurie and have Jon teleport me back home.”

With a slightly disappointed look, Dan silently leads you back to the table to retrieve your handbag. Picking it up from the table, you couldn’t help but risk a peek at his direction.

Eddie Blake aka The Comedian and the bane of your existence (apart from Sally that is).

There he stood in the middle of the crowd; laughing his ass off as everyone silently fawned over him. Most of the women openly wanting him, and the men secretly wanting to be him.

Typical Eddie...

Silently shaking your head at the scene, you head for the restroom first before searching for Laurie and Jon.

As you were about to enter back into the grand hall to for Laurie, a large hand grabs hold of your arm from behind.

You're so vain (you're so vain) I bet you think this song is about you Don't you, don't you?

*

“Think I didn’t notice ya dancing out there, now did ya Doll?” Eddie flashes a smug smile at your scowl when turning to face him.

“Let go of my arm, Eddie...” you grit out in response.

Ever the obnoxious asshole, Eddie yanks you flushed against his chest.

“Now is that anyway to greet an old friend? Especially a very close one?”

“You must be mistaking me for Sally...” you snarl, attempting to pull free from his grip.

“She’s inside, entertaining as usual. Go on... she might take pity on you and grace you with her attention.”

“Why so hostile, Sweetheart...?” Eddie tuts at your remark, lifting his other hand to gently strokes your cheek.

“There was a time when you loved my hands all over you.”

“That was when I was young and dumb...” you hiss, continuing to struggle out from his grip.

“Now don’t be like that, Doll...” Eddie coos, eyes dark with lust, biting down on his lower lip whilst staring down at you.

“I’ve missed ya. Missed how that tight pussy of yours used to squeeze my cock.”

“That’s funny, seeing that you used to think of Sally each time you fucked me!” you snarl out in laughter.

“Now that ain’t true, Honey...” Eddie shakes his head, frowning.

“You called out her name the last time you fucked me!” you beat your fist against his chest as tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive Well you said that we made such a pretty pair and that you would never leave But you gave away the things you loved And one of them was me I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee clouds in my coffee and You're so vain 

*

Seeing how upset you truly were, Eddie’s demeaner turns softer.

“It was a mistake. I told you that.”

“No, the mistake was loving you” you shake your head at his words.

“It didn’t matter that I was younger than her, that I wanted you, that despite your flaws; I loved you. It still wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough, because I wasn’t Sally and never will be.”

Eddie scoffs at your words but is interrupted before he could respond.

“Is everything ok here?” Dan’s voice speaks up from behind you.

“Yes” you respond, attempting to pull yourself out from Eddie’s grip again and he surprisingly let's go.

Not entirely believing it, Dan squints at Eddie in silent warning.

“You sure?” he asks again as you step away from Eddie and towards him.

With a faint smile, you nod at him.

“Yeah.”

“Ok” Dan nods, a frown still plastered across his face.

“I found Laurie and Jon.”

“Thanks” you respond with a real smile then as he places a hand on your back to lead you back into the grand hall.

“Wait” Eddie calls out, halting you mid-way.

“You said, you’d never come back. So, why did you?”

Taking a moment to compose yourself, you turn around to face him.

“It sure wasn’t for you. Goodbye Eddie.”

You probably think this song is about you You're so vain (you're so vain)

I bet you think this song is about you Don't you, don't you, don't you? I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee clouds in my coffee and

You're so vain You probably think this song is about you

You're so vain (you're so vain) I bet you think this song is about you Don't you, don't you?... 

[shadowcatzone]

https://www.tumblr.com/shadowcatzone/729467606763978752/i-just-watched-the-renheng-melty-land-animatic-and?source=share

IT'S PAST TWELVE HERE'S YOUR UPDATE

It's a realm that slowly kills you BUT everything is "better" (tm) [to clarify, this only concerns renheng and the hcq]:

-it doesn't matter how he got in there, probably a mission. But dan heng somehow got caught in one of these.

-it's a sensation like waking up. And once he opens his eyes again, yingxing is right in front of him, asking if he's okay.

-"pffh, you slept like a rock. I didn't wanna wake you," he gestures to the bundle in dan hengs lap, "but she shouldn't be out too long. It's not good for babies."

-in his lap lies bailu, as a baby, peacefully sleeping.

-yingxing calls him dan feng, and he should know better, but it really feels like he was just sleeping.

-dan heng is like, 60% convinced. Something in his head tells him this isn't quite right. On the way back, while he's thinking about it, they meet the others from the hcq.

-jingliu, looking like she just sparred with jing yuan, and baiheng looks like she'd also had a nap.

-"aww, bailu is getting cuter by the day!" Coos baiheng. And jing yuan chimes in, "we all met up anyway, should we grab a bite to eat? Though it seems dan feng isn't quite awake yet."

-now, despite the situation making less sense, dan heng is getting pretty sure this is real. "Hmm... i believe i had a nightmare." 90% sure

-and on the way to a place to eat, dan heng tells them everything that happened. Things he remembers and things he was told.

-"That sounds terrible," jingliu pats his arm as they all sit down. "I wouldn't do that even if all that happened. Baiheng would rip my head clean off..."

-"haha... i would."

-and it all just transpires as if this was reality. What, with his husband, dear friends and his child, it's very realistic.

-even though he can't remember how they got bailu. The 'nightmare' still keeps his memories in check.

-and in the evening, when he tells yingxing about his worries, yingxing waves him off and tells him he shouldn't have slept in direct sunlight, and after a good nights sleep he'll feel better.

-when he does fall asleep, in his dream, dan feng tries to get dan heng to leave. But that just confuses dan heng more, why would he dream about himself?

-subconsciousness dan feng is literally so close to beating him up.

-next morning yingxing wakes him up with kisses. And suddenly, bailu runs into the room, now a toddler rather than a baby.

-and it just continues like that for a few days or weeks. But dan heng is always getting weaker by that point.

-one day, and dan heng is already bedridden, and yingxing initiates ( ;P )

-until suddenly, an arm comes straight through the wall, grabbing him,

-for all intents and purposes, it looks like yingxings arm. Same jacket, yingxing looks at it, shocked, before annoyedly shouting "oh, come on!"

-it's- it's blade. Coming in like. How dare you almost get killed by someone other than me. This is clearly a breach of trust. Didn't you promise we would pay the price?? Together???

-for some reason blades strongest desire is dying and that's the one thing this realm can't give.

-so it was really easy to escape. Aren't you glad MC called Kafka who then talked to elio and then talked to blade to help out dan heng who was about do die from uh. Being eaten alive.

-carrying dan heng out, who by that point just looks like himself again

-dan heng wants to stay, blade does not (tm)

-and and and they're leaving.

-the end.

-moral of the story: don't get trapped by one of ahas magical flytraps if you don't want the stellaron hunter to look after you.

-he literally stays on the express for 3 months also to make sure dan heng recovers but does not go back.

-he won't. Not if it means blade will come back and they'll go through all this again.

-but like, half delirious also says "if that's all it takes to get a date with a stellaron hunter" (<-he's not quite alright yet but he will be. Alright. And mortified. When he remembers he said that. But blade would be uncharacteristically worried.)

-blade will go back and destroy the thing. It's not worth the risk.

-after making sure with elio that he can, of course.

-jing yuan will be really worried if he ever finds out about all this.

-"please contact me if you ever want a date with him. There are simpler ways--" "i guarantee you i won't want one. But thanks for the offer."

-or maybe, alternative ending; blade takes dan heng to the luofu and the three make up and have sex.

____

I hope that last sentence hit you like a train

[fxlling13]

13 x reader

Mind Palace

Warnings: self deprication??

This is more of a vent story about how I've been feeling recently. ADHD can really mess with you at time. Now, I am a girl and this is just how my ADHD affects me so if you can't relate, please don't attack me. Maybe spelling mistakes? I wrote this in ten minutes. Maybe I'll write a second part some time?

--------------------------------------

It had been a few days since our last adventure and I was raring to go on another. Having a condition that made your brain feel like it was on fast forward, was really irritating at times. Jumping down the steps, I joined the rest at the console and smiled at them happily.

"So, where are we going now?" I asked, excited at the idea of a new planet or experience. Dan looked at me and sighed.

"Actually, I've asked the doc to drop us off home. Need a rest you know?" Face falling slightly, I looked between them both.

"Both of you?" Yaz just nod at me.

"Yeah, I wanna see my family and do a bit of work." Swallowing down my disappointment, I stood back and rested my hand on the console.

"Yeah, of course." Feeling the tardis land, we dropped yaz off first before heading on to Liverpool. Dan waved at us then left briskly. I turned to the doctor, my gaze down to the metallic floor.

"You can drop me off n-"

"I'm not taking you home." Head shooting up, she smiled at me before sending us off into space once more.

"Before we do anything, I do want a chat. If that's okay?" Confused, I agreed and quickly followed after the blonde when she left the main room. After a minute, we entered a room that was a cross between a library and a living room. There was a plush brown couch situated in front of a lit fire. Book cases lined the rooms and there was a pile of blankets in the corner.

"Get comfortable." Doing as she said, I sat on the couch and pulled my knees up to my chest out of reflex. Joining me, the doctor gave a kind smile before holding my hand.

"I've never seen you look so heart broken. Why didn't you want to go home?" Her question caught me off guard and I could tell that she suspected something bad. Shaking my head quickly, I laughed a little.

"My home is very safe doctor. I'm just- When plans change or, I make plans in my head and they get ruined, it really bothers me." I explained slightly embarrassed. It always sounded selfish saying these thoughts out loud.

"I have ADHD. Its different in how it affects each individual. For me, I need to constantly be doing something. Or have something to look forward. Or else, what's the point?" Staring at our joined hands, I took notice of how pretty and slender hers were. Why hadn't i seen that the many other times we'd held hands? Shaking my head from the distractions, I carried on.

"Its selfish i know. But my head feels like there's a million tiny people running around and continually screaming at me to do something. I need activity." Pressing my lips together, I almost squeaked in surprise when the doctor moved over to my side and pressed herself against my side. She looked at me with intent, as if I was the most interesting person in the universe.

"You need constant distraction from your own feelings. Your own self conscience is out to get you." All I could do was nod dumbly at her observing. We were so close and I could feel the blush crawling up my skin.

"I dont think it's selfish by the way. You can help they way you think, love." Now I definitely was blushing. Where did that name come from? Either way, I relaxed knowing that I wasn't being judged.

"You're lucky you found me. We can do whatever you want, whenever you want. But. You do need a break sometimes okay? Even I do." Nodding my head at her words, the doctor beamed and wrapped her arms around me. Sinking I to her hold, my head rested on her chest, arms linked round her waist.

"Never be scared to tell me if this buzzing is overwhelming you. I can help. I'll be here." Tears welled up in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. My grip tightened on her, thinking back to back home. I was always alone. So hard to make friends and everyone so busy.

"I'm so used to being shut down. To people not understanding. They tell me that i can't be like that. That it's not fair. That it's not all about me." Chewing on my lip, I almost drew blood.

"I know it's not about me. I just want to have fun, is that a crime? Why does no one ever wa-" choking up, I cut myself off accidentally. The doctor sat me up worriedly and wiped my eyes gently.

"Hey, its okay. I'm here for that now. I'm more than happy to be there when you feel like this." Sniffling, I looked at her doubtfully. I just couldn't believe it. Not when my own mother wouldn't give me the time when I needed it. No matter how much I explained how I felt, it was pushed aside.

"Why? Im-...its pretty pointless. No?"

"No. Not at all. Spending time with you? I couldn't think of anything better." Not being able to surpress my smile, I threw myself at her. Face buried into her neck, my arms hung over her shoulders loosely. The doctor rubbed my back and chuckled at my actions.

"I've got a whole universe to show you darling. So you better now back out on me now." Laughing, I pulled away and kissed her cheek affectionately. Not minding the colour her cheeks were gaining, I simpered.

"Of course I won't. Not ever."

[ameliawarnerr]

Pov: Jake’s eyes tell everything he's feeling. Especially possessiveness (Part 1)

Overview: A dinner night with Jake, Phil, Dan, Jessy and Lilly. (You and Jake decide to live in Duskwood. It's been one week and you are staying at Lilly’s place with Hannah.)

Thinking of it from a third person’s perceptive, it's a little crazy that you, Hannah, Lilly and Jake are under the same roof. You found everyone nice in the group from the start except for Lilly. From Lilly, you also know that Hannah had a thing for Jake which may or may have not changed over the years, keeping in mind Hannah didn't know that Jake is her half brother until recently. You had been working so hard to find this one person still you can't properly communicate with her.

And between you and Jake, things have been slow and favourable. He doesn't show the resistance he always did over chat. And you found out that he's not at all a person who find it hard to express his emotions. Over the chat, it was inevitable to assume that. There's isn't a drastic change in his words— they remain limited, to the point and brutally honest. Even if his words are lacking, his eyes tell everything. They don't whisper, they scream. His eyes are the most beautiful shade of green you have ever seen. The black of his hair only makes his gaze more intense.

Right now, you are lost in the familiar green. With a hand under your chin and elbow supported by the arm of the couch, you stare at him as he works on his computer. You don't even try to hide it. What could possibly be the outcome of it? Him looking back at you? That's an incredible possibility.

His hands, his hands, constantly typing, suddenly stop. His face still on the screen. “You know, I have used backspace key five times now which I rarely do.” He says, and turns towards you. His eyes on you now. “In other words, I can't concentrate if you keep staring at me.” He sounds like he is complaining but his eyes tell a different story.

“Am I making you anxious?” You ask.

“Anxious? You are making me want to turn this thing off which is a new feeling.” It makes you smile.

“Maybe that is my intention.” You get up, with your phone in your hand and walk as if you are just taking a walk which randomly leads you to where he is.

He looks at the screen. Looks at you. And sighs before turning towards the screen and turning off the computer. While doing it, he whispers, “Evil. You are evil.”

“Ouch.” You bring your hand to your chest, pretending to be hurt.

He finally switches off the computer and turns his chair towards you, opening his arms for you. You take a step towards him ready to fall into his embrace. But suddenly you regret having a phone as it rings.

You look at the screen. Jake looks at you.

“You really need to take that?” He pleads, not asking who it is. And you just know he won't be pleased to know but you feel the urge to let him know.

“Its Phil.”

His soft expression change drastically into an annoyed face. You fight the urge to laugh but fail.

“God, why’s he such a plague upon our existence?” He leans back on the chair, putting his index finger and thumb on his closed eyes.

“Your existence.” You correct him, and he opens his eyes, raising his eyebrow. You continue after a shrug, “He’s fine with me. Not to mention, but I can't deny his efforts for being respectful and less of a flirt.”

“Well, that's the whole problem, is it not? He’s nice to you and in return, you have to be nice to him which is annoying.” He gets up from his chair, standing in front of you.

You take a step closer to him and suddenly you both forget what you were talking about. It's just him in front of him and you infront of him. His hand touches you jaw softly and you feel yourself melting at his tenderness.

He leans in, you close you eyes.

Lilly opens the door. “God, I designed the do-not-disturb board especially for this.” She says, eyes covered with her hands. “Why can't you just hang it on the door?”

“Another plague upon my life.” You hear Jake whispering as he mover a little back. You fight a smile.

“Well, we do not discuss before doing something do-not-disturb board worthy.” You reason as you move towards her.

“Anyway, just put your slow make out on a pause. Dinner is ready. And we have a few guests on the table. You might know them. Jessy, Dan and Phil. Heard of them? Cleo couldn't come. Hannah asked to eat in her room. So come on.” She says.

You wonder why Phil called if he was just one storey under you.

“Can’t we eat here too?” You hear Jake saying from behind.

“No.” You and Lilly say at the same time.

“You need to socialize at times.” Lilly reasons. Jessy calls Lilly from downstairs. “I need to go. Hurry, okay?” She says before leaving.

Jake walks and stands beside you. He sighs and looks at you. “And what's your reason for denying such an opportunity?”

You shrug. “Dan is here.” Dan has become your bestfriend. And being Dan’s bestfriend, you now know that he secretly admires Jake.

Jake looks around and says, “Another plague—”

You cut him off with a kiss on the lips. He stares at you in a short lived shock and looks away, hiding his smile.

[celestial-inkblots]

NaNo 2022 [Day 8]: Hello World!

Hello World!

That is what you're suppose to say the first time you post on a blog or website isn't it? Sounds silly.

Any how, let me explain...

Earlier this week I ventured into the great unknown of my first ever attempt at NaNoWrimo, and let me tell you its been a hell of a journey so far.

For starters, I'm a Plantser (a Plotter and Pantser for those who don't know) and yet I found myself without a single plotted detail and a killer head cold to boot. After two long days in bed, and my sweet boyfriend looking after me between naps, I finally sat down and started writing. Writing what? I had no clue, but the words came anyways.

I figured the best route to start venturing down without a plan (and being days behind) was to write into a niche that I frequently read, and was frequently annoyed by.

Why would I continue to read a niche I was constantly annoyed by? Well, to find the gems in the pile of crap of course. But that also gave me an idea. Could I write a novel (of at least 50,000K words) and come out with a story that held the gold I enjoyed of the genre and avoided the eye-roll-and-unalive-me-now sections that frequented many of the stories I've read.

Answer: Maybe?

Of course, my Plotter heart couldn't stay closed in forever. As the story began to flow so did the details for down the road and so on.

And as I kept writing I kept wanting to talk about my journey through NaNo. Sure I have a small TikTok with 1035 followers and growing (that I am very thankful for). And yes most of those people are BookTok and AuthorTok mutuals that would enjoy NaNo updates, but getting in front of a camera everyday to make an update just wasn't sitting right in my stomach.

Then I talked to my roommate. She loves reading and she loves to hear about my stories, and as we were talking I said something like, "I miss my blog."

What blog do I mean? Well my Max-Dan-Wiz blog of course. It was a sad day when that site was taken down and my fanfiction of the Maximum Ride era disappeared from the the internet. Or maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Who can really be sure?

But in the end what I got out of our long talk was that I did really, really, really missed my blog, and I was itching to log in and tell my little corner of the internet what I was doing. That led me back here to Tumblr after years of unuse.

I scrapped together a blog name, found a suitable theme that still needs personal editing and began my first post in over ten years for a writing blog of my very own again.

And now here you are reading that very post. Hello :)

In the end, I don't know if this blog will stay active very long, or even if it'll attract any followers like my Max-Dan-Wiz did, but its an outlet. An outlet that makes me feel good about sharing where my writing journey is right now. That's all I can ask for from the internet. So follow or don't follow. Like or don't like. But if you made it this far into my rant, thank you for reading.

[[More updates about my niche, nano 2022 project will be coming in another post soon. ]]

And once more for old times sake . . .

Be well my Mutants, and Fly On.

[mizkit]

new blog post: Recent Reads: The Continuing Time, Daniel Keys Moran

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/recent-reads-the-continuing-time-daniel-keys-moran/

Recent Reads: The Continuing Time, Daniel Keys Moran

Recent Reads: The Continuing Time, by Daniel Keys Moran

Once upon a time a bit of a punk of a young writer informed the world that he had 33 books planned in a time-and-space-spanning saga called The Continuing Time, and the world sat up and took notice.

Life happened, and so far there are only five books in it, but I love every one of them into the depths of my soul, and I will wait patiently for the other 28 until the end of time. (Well, there’s six if you count the collection of short stories, but those are more filler for things we already know than new story arcs, per se, so I don’t precisely count it.) I re-read them all periodically, often when I intend to read something else but instead come across them in my e-reader and go “oh yeah no I’ll read that instead.” So far this has never been an error.

EMERALD EYES is the first, and I think the most difficult, of the Continuing Time. It has something of a structural problem, to me, which is that it’s kind of two closely-related novellas more than one story; the first half is about a character who is not at all likeable, and the second half is about a different character who is. Carl Castanaveras, the protagonist of the first half of the book, is a genetically engineered telepath, the first in history, and he’s both crazy and furious with it. He’s very understandable, but not at all likeable, AND YET I CANNOT RECOMMEND skipping this book and starting with one of the others. So many characters are introduced in their inception in this book, and the way they develop over the next books is so worth dealing with Carl’s story. And so informed BY Carl’s story. So I don’t necessarily like this one all that much, but I also never, ever skip it when I’m doing a re-read.

THE LONG RUN is…if you could only write one book in your career, you might very well want it to be this one. Our hero, Trent, is part of the same genetic engineering program that produced Carl and the other Castanaveras telepaths, but Trent himself is not a telepath: he’s a thief and the best webdancer (internet user, but jack it up to a million) the world has ever seen. And he’s in trouble, and on the run, and…this is a great, great book. I wouldn’t be lying if I said there were parts of it that I adapted into my own core functions. Also, this is the book where I started noticing that all of Dan’s books have one Doctor Who reference, and one Jim Steinman reference. I didn’t notice that until my third or fourth re-read, but yeah. It’s a great, great book.

THE LAST DANCER is the first Continuing Time book I read. The Long Run follows Trent; The Last Dancer follows Denice, a Castanaveras telepath, and I loved it so much I went and found and read everything DKM had written before it. The scope of this one is tremendous: it’s really the first time we get entangled in the actual Continuing Time; several of the characters are effectively immortals, and Denise becomes entangled in what is in some ways a proxy war for a fight that’s been going on between a couple of them for tens of thousands of years. It’s also where the deep dive into the worldbuilding really starts (although that may just be my bias, having read it first, but there’s an argument for it because we do start to see more of the big picture with it). It’s not always easy to be sympathetic to Denice, but I find her journey in this book to be a really good one, and the moral conflicts she and the people around her deal with are always well-done.

THE BIG BOOST was the first DKM book in like 20 years and I spent like $240 to read this book and it was worth every penny. :) (It was digital-only, I bought an e-reader back in the days of them being Quite New And Exclusive, and then also bought the book, ofc. :)) It returns to Trent’s story and brings back–well, not that these characters aren’t also in The Last Dancer, but it brings back Mohammad Vance and Melissa du Bois, who are law enforcement officers and two of my favorite characters in the entire series, and puts them into the impossible positions that interacting with Trent puts EVERYBODY into, and I love the tension in it so much I could scream. It’s also only the first part of the story (which ends on an incredibly Trent-like cliffhanger), and IDK if he’s working on the second part with his various ongoing projects but I’m very much looking forward to reading it when it eventually comes out. And it accomplishes enough in and of itself that you don’t feel like you’ve been robbed when you get to the end; it’s just that THE END is SUCH a Trent thing that it’s like AAAAGH! :D

THE GREAT GODS is the most recent Continuing Time book and the only one I’ve only read twice (because it only came out 15 months ago). It starts an arc of its own for Camber Tremodian, a character who we glimpse in the earlier books, and provides what is probably a very solid entry point to the Continuing Time as a whole, although in my SOUL I think you should read ALL OF THEM IN PUBLICATION ORDER because I think the payoff of FINALLY learning more about Camber in this is more delicious than starting here could POSSIBLY be. But go forth, do as thou wilt. :)

These are absolutely desert island books for me (I’m not so mean as to make people take only ten books, you can take ten SERIESESES by my rules, but even if it was “only ten books” I’d take at least three of them as part of my ten), and I really never get tired of re-reading them. The links are all Amazon-affiliate; Dan doesn’t have them up on any other sites, and I have no idea how to wrap this up except with a happy sigh. :)

[average-guy-reviews]

The Whale (2023)

"In a town in Idaho, Charlie, a reclusive and unhealthy English teacher, hides out in his flat and eats his way to death. He is desperate to reconnect with his teenage daughter for a last chance at redemption."

I went into watching this film aware of how well it was being received, and of some of the awards it has so far garnered. I hadn't seen it so I didn't know exactly why. Now I do.

I'm not going to mince words at all in this review. Darren Aronofsky has brought a goddamn cinematic masterpiece to the big screen. Based on the play, and written, by Samuel D. Hunter this is a heartbreaking, harrowing, tale of a man who knows he is in the endgame, the last few days of his life. Trying to reconnect with an estranged daughter, and deal with his life as normally as he is able, Charlie is fighting a losing battle.

It brought tears to my eyes on enough occasions that it almost seemed continuous. And yet despite that there were several occasions where I laughed. Some genuinely heart warming and funny moments, sandwiched into a story that tugged the hardest at my heart strings I think a movie, of any kind, has ever tugged.

Brendan Fraser is phenomenal as Charlie. His performance is sublime, and every note and every single word is laced with epic amounts of talent. I knew he was a good actor on the whole. I've seen his films. I honestly didn't realise that he was THIS good. The awards he has won, and the Oscar he should win, are deserved beyond belief. I know some people object to the use of fat suits on actors, but I suggest that in this case there was simply no other way to tell this tale. I doubt that there are any actors of Charlie's size and, even if there are, the tale and the outcome may have hit home a little too close.

I say this not to fat shame anyone. Quite the contrary, I am an obese man. Nowhere near as big as Charlie, but a damn sight bigger than I should be. This film struck some very hard and painful chords for me, on many levels. I do not believe that, given just a few small tweaks in my life, it would take that much for me to be in Charlie's position, and that is a damn scary thing to realise. Is it going to change my life? I don't honestly know, but it's certainly made me look at things really closely moving forward.

The rest of the cast is absolutely superb, including Hong Chau as Liz, Samantha Morton as Mary, Ty Simpkins as Thomas and even Sathya Sridharan as Dan the pizza man. There is not a performance I can fault in any way, but Sadie Sink as Ellie was eye opening. She has raised her game dramatically from her work on Stranger Things and put in an incredibly mature, and powerful performance, as Charlie's estranged daughter. She rides through the film on an emotional tidal wave that would test the talents of any actor. She comes out the other side, not only dry, but standing tall on top of the wave. She has an incredibly bright future ahead of her and I want to see it.

Overall this is, as I said before, a cinematic masterpiece. It is pure character driven brilliance and will take you on an emotional rollercoaster you are not ready for. I cried, I laughed, and I felt heartbroken for Charlie (and all the other characters) in a way I don't honestly think I ever have for a movie character. This is easily the most obvious 10/10 I have ever given to a film. I hate it for what it did to me, but I love it because it is simply just that good. I cannot recommend this film highly enough, but take tissues because you will need them.

[hayiesli]

A story of Euro Meilyr

TW / harsh words

Jakarta, 2022

Exactly what will happen in the future is impossible to say. To a reasonable degree of accuracy, no formula exists for foreseeing the future. The uncertainty is the mysteries that separates the two groups: 1. Those who are eager to make preparations. 2. “Let God’s plan remain a secret. We will take another breath today.”

Whichever side is better or more logical, it appeared that these people were also divided, after parting from a good morning that was met with a good night—and vice versa.

“Ro, lu nggak selamanya muda. Nggak selamanya hidup dari uang orang tua lu. They’re getting old, Savannah and Brooklyn will have their own family. Lu juga, masa mau berkelana terus?”

She continued her chatter, but all she got in response was a drawn-out sigh. The one woman he could go to for refuge from his worries about turns out to be just like everyone else. Everything is subject to change over time. All living things are included, including humans. Some sort of mindset.

The noise of two three cars broke the silence. Rows of street food became a diversion for Euro as they attracted a large number of people who came to satisfy their appetites or simply waste money. Even so, his silence didn’t mean he was ignoring the woman next to him; he was just thinking about how to respond to her without making a scene.

“Denger gua nggak, sih? Capek dah.”

“I’m all ears, dearest cousin.”

“Bacot!” She slumped back into the seat and sipped the coffee she had purchased, frowning. “Gua peduliin lu, Ro. Keluarga kita yang lain juga.”

“Itu namanya ikut campur nggak, sih?”

He was about at his wit’s end with patience. He even closed his eyes for seconds to calm himself.

Tsamaine could feel emotions welling up and wafting from the vanes of his lips. But what her cousin did next might make her frown and parted her lips.

“Kalau peduli itu, gini,” Euro took a single white with three in it from Tsamaine's tiny bag. “Ekhem, ‘Peringatan! Karena merokok saya terkena kanker tenggorokan’.

Tsamaine then took possession of the pack and threw it out the car. What Tsamaine dreaded most was the moment Euro realised she was still smoking. She used to only smoke as an escape. Some might even say she was addicted. In spite of this, she’s just unable to show it openly because of social stigma: 𝘊𝘦𝘸𝘦 𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘶𝘩 𝘤𝘦𝘸𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘭.

Euro sighed, wanting to express his frustration at the fact that Tsamaine was still smoking. But he was aware that the current topic was not the cigarette, but him.

“This is my life,” his voice was low, evidently still trying to calm himself down.

“I’m not Savannah or Brooklyn yang suka dunia kesehatan dan tahu mau lakuin apa di hidup mereka. I can’t design. Gua juga nggak punya bakat jualan. Gua—”

“But you do like travelling.”

“Ya.” His eyes fixed on Tsamaine’s intensely. He knew exactly where Tsamaine was going to take their conversation.

“Jangan bilang vlog atau tawaran itu, Mai. Gua nggak mau kerja. Ribet. Selama keluarga gua okay, ya it’s fine.”

As Tsamaine took a deep breath, he heard it. As clearly as he could, she was still babbling something utterly incoherent, and he sensed every word of it. A sense of surrender must inevitably erode everything, unfortunately.

“Terserah. Gua cuma ingetin.”

“Thank you, Mai.”

𝘖𝘩, 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯.

Really, it’s not like he never gives any thought to his future. He’s just hesitant about his decision. The future will play out in whichever way one decides. They will link themselves in thousands of ways. All he had to do was make a decision—and he's never ready to make a decision for something that is serious, rapidly changing, abstract, and potentially off course.

Not again.

NOT READY YET — THE END

[sillyrabbit81]

So I do have a promt because 'tis the season (Halloween 🎃)

Maybe the reader, Sy, and a group of their friends go to a haunted corn maze or something (assuming Sy is okay to go to those). And maybe reader gets startled by one of the actors and accidentally stumbles into Sy, who then grabs their hand, and then they end up holding hands through the rest of the haunted whatever. Buts it's like "ahh scary haha" not actually terrified, where they continue through the maze and get scared together and reader maybe clings to Sy a lot but they're having fun and joking around.

Sy and reader have had a "will they, won't they" relationship for a while, so maybe Sy drops reader off or something, and they confess their feelings for each other. Possibly smut ending??? But that's really up to you and if you feel it flows into that. Mainly fluff.

Obviously if you don't like it don't worry! Just thought it could be a fun seasonal idea! Love all you work so much!! 😁

Summary: You and Sy have been close friends for years and the sexual tension between you has been growing palpable. Will the chills and thrills of Halloween bring you together or tear you apart?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x Female Reader

Word Count: Approx. 10.5k

Warnings: Fluff, angst, smut, oral sex (f receiving), hand job, fingering, p in v sex.

Authors note: This turned into a monster, appropriate I guess since its Halloween. Thanks Anon for the prompt, it definitely got me thinking and the story came to me pretty quickly. I hope you enjoy it.

As always, thanks to my two close friends @amberangel112 and @henryobsessed. Your help was amazing, your encouragement necessary. Y’all have them both to thank for the smut. I was gonna leave you hanging 🤣 Thank you to @amberangel112 for the edit. Its nearly 2am here. I just wasn't up to it!

Masterlist

Practical Boundaries

As soon as your friend’s metallic blue truck pulls into your driveway you run out the door, locking it quickly and leap down the two small steps off your porch. You can’t contain your excitement. You have wanted to go to one of those Haunted Corn Maze’s for years and this Halloween you and your friends were finally going to go.

You skip towards Sy as he got out the driver’s side. He grins when he sees you, and shakes his head as he walks towards you, meeting you halfway. “You really wanna go to the maze, huh?”

You bounce from side to side, so much excitement and nervous energy pumps through your veins you can’t keep still. You grin broadly and let out a tiny squeal before standing on your toes and giving Sy a kiss on the cheek. “Let’s go!” you say as you settle back on your heels and bound to the passenger side.

Sy turns slowly rolling his eyes, deliberately taking slow steps and starts patting his pockets. “Hmm…” he says. “I can’t seem to find my keys.”

“Sy!” you whine, pulling on the door handle.

“No really, I just had ‘em and now, I can’t find ‘em.” The exaggerated look of confusion on his face and the small dimple on his bearded cheek tell you he’s kidding.

You growl and stomp back to Sy. He raises his hands in mock surrender and you tap at the numerous pockets of his cargo pants until you hear the jingle of his keys in the one on his thigh. You draw your brows together and purse your lips in faux anger, and dip into the pocket pulling his keys out.

“Hmm, maybe I shoulda put them in my back pocket.” Sy grins.

You look up at him and smirk, then pretend to slap at his balls. Sy’s eyes go wide and his hands rush to protect himself.

“Ha!” you cry like a kid. “Made you flinch!”. You press the key fob to open the trucks doors and get in, waiting for Sy to put his seatbelt on before handing him the keys.

“Cheeky bitch,” Sy says as he takes the keys and turns the car on.

“Smug bastard,” you reply, grinning. “Are we going straight there or are you picking someone else up.”

“Gotta get Dan and his new girlfriend.”

“Ugh!” you groan. Sy huffs, clearly as unimpressed with the situation as you are. “Have you met her yet?”

Sy inhales deeply. “Yup,” he says slowly.

“What she like?”

“Remember the last three girls he dated?” You nod and Sy continues, “Exactly like that.”

You slam your head back against the seat rest. “Oh God! How long do you think this one will last?”

“I’d be surprised if they make it through tonight.”

“Why’d you say you’d pick him up?” you moan at Sy. “If it’s that bad, the drive home will be awkward as hell.”

“’Cause he asked me to.”

“Good old reliable Sy,” you say sarcastically.

“Hey, I picked you up,” he says defensively.

“That’s different,” you say smugly. “You like me.”

“You sure about that, sugar?” Sy says, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re being a bastard again,” you laugh. Then you get serious, “Besides, I pick you up all the time. We’re friends. Dan just seems to call you when its convenient and never seems to be around when you need him.”

Sy grunts, you know you’ve hit a nerve. Neither of you say anything for a while and you worry you may have hurt Sy’s feelings implying that Dan was using him. Dan wasn’t a bad guy, he was just one of those people who seem to change when they are in a relationship. He is Sy’s closest friend other than you, but you feel protective of Sy and don’t like the way Dan treats him sometimes.

“Sy, I’m sorry,” you say softly. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Turning his head towards you, he gives you a forced grin. “You didn’t say anythin’ that isn’t true.”

You look out the window, feeling a bit down, the whole discussion put a wet blanket over your excitement. You stay quiet as Sy pulls into Dan’s driveway and gives him a little toot with his horn to let him know he’s arrived.

You and Sy wait a few minutes. You start to pick at your nail polish the atmosphere in the cab is still a little tense. Sy’s hand covers yours and you glance at him. He gives you a small shake of his head then grins. You smile back and stop playing with your nails and Sy withdraws his hand.

Grimacing, Sy beeps the horn again, a little louder and more insistent this time. “Asshole,” Sy mutters under his breath. A few moments later, Dan comes outside followed by his girlfriend. She’s tall, long legged, gorgeous, an impeccable natural beauty, just like all of Dan’s girlfriends.

“She looks familiar,” you say to Sy. “You sure she’s a different one to last time?”

Sy snickers. You like making him laugh and are relieved that some of the tension rescinds.

Dan opens the door for his girl, and she shimmies along the backseat until she’s behind Sy. “Hi again Sy,” she says. At least this one bothered to learn Sy’s name. Sy nods, then she smiles at you and almost shyly says hello.

“Hi,” you reply. You wonder if Sy got his assessment wrong. Yeah, she looks just like all of Dan’s ex’s but already she seems nicer than the others. Dan gets in and says hi to Sy, then leans forward to give you a kiss on the cheek before he introduces you to Hope.

She sticks out her hand towards you, and you reach back giving it a shake. “Nice to meet you,” she says, softly. You see instantly that she really is shy, and you take pity on her.

“Nice to meet you too.” You beam at her to make her feel welcome. “Looking forward to tonight?”

Hope pulls her face into a scared look and shakes her head. “No,” she whines playfully. You genuinely laugh, you decide you like her, and your sour mood really begins to improve.

The two of you chat away as you make the thirty-minute drive outside town to the corn field. You glance at Sy, and you see a small grin on his face. He catches you looking and gives you one of his terrible winks, you giggle and shake your head before turning your attention back to Hope.

“Aw, you two are sweet,” Hope says. “You’re such a cute couple.”

Silence fills the cab, that awful silence where someone says something so wrong that everyone is stunned the words were spoken aloud. She sees the look on everyone’s face and her cheeks begin to colour.

“I’m sorry… I…”

You force a smile to cover your discomfort. “It’s cool.”

“Don’t worry yourself none,” Sy says looking at Hope in the rear vision mirror. “You ain’t the first to think it.”

“We get brother and sister sometimes too,” you add, and you don’t have to force a smile at that. You always think it’s funny when someone assumes that because in a lot of ways, Sy feels like family to you, you’ve known him so long and are so comfortable with him, you don’t remember life without him hanging around. Even when he’s on tour, you still keep in regular contact, rarely phone calls, but you send him emails and the occasional letter or gift for his birthday or Christmas.

Hope relaxes a little, but the air in the cab feels heavy and the silence is stifling. You look at the clock to see you still have another fifteen minutes until you get to the maze.

“Where’s your phone Sy?” you ask.

Sy reaches into one of his pockets and hands it to you. You put in his pin, open his music app and finding your playlist you put it on. You look in the back to ask Hope what kind of music she likes, and you see her and Dan exchanging a look and Dan shrugging. You wonder what it’s about when Sy gets your attention.

“Put some Metallica on,” he says.

“Nah, I feel like some AC/DC.”

“Pantera?”

“Guns n Roses?”

“Iron Maiden?”

“White Zombie?”

“Rob Zombie,” he suggests.

“Rob Zombie,” you agree, putting on Dragula. “Let’s get in the mood for thrills and chills!”

The atmosphere in the car slowly warms again and you laugh when you see the look on Hopes face as you, Sy and Dan start moving your heads to the beat. Obviously, this isn’t her type of music, but by the time Sy finally pulls up at the maze Hope is headbanging with the rest of you and your excitement returns as you bounce happily out of the truck.

You wait for the others to get out and you grin as you hear Sy lowly still singing along to Superbeast. Together you make your way to the entrance, Sy walks beside you as Hope, and Dan walk together in front of you.

You bump Sy with your shoulder and say softly, “I like her. She’s actually sweet.”

“Yeah,” Sy agrees. “She was much better tonight.”

“I think she’s shy,” you say. “Poor thing, I hate when I get shy.”

“What would you know about bein’ shy, Sugar?” Sy asks playfully. “I ain’t ever seen you be shy ‘bout anythin’.”

“I’m not shy with you,” you say. “I know you too well.”

Sy hums. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me too.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like…”

Sy doesn’t finish his thought as you both hear your names, and you see the rest of your friends at the entrance. It was a big group, eleven once the four of you arrive and after everyone greeted each other you seem to split into girl and boy groups, except for Hope who looks a little lost. You pull her away from the boys and bring her to the girls, making sure she was included as you stand in line.

The maze is everything you hoped it would be. Over the top, tacky, actors in crazy make up and costumes with prop knives, chainsaws, blood, and guts and death things everywhere. You got all bouncy again and as a Zombie takes your ticket and you enter in the maze, Hope goes to find Dan and Sy falls in beside you.

You smile excitedly at him, bounding along but his pace is too slow though and a gap opens between you and the rest of the group.

“Come on Sy!” you say, grabbing his arm pulling him along. You walk around a broken wagon, and something grabs at your feet.

You yelp and your blood runs cold as an actor crawls grotesquely out from beneath the wooden cart, growling and swiping at you. You cling to Sy in fright, almost climbing his back to get away from the thing.

“Holy fuck!” you squeal as you register what happened and your blood warms with a burst of adrenaline.

Sy chuckles, he hadn’t even flinched. “You ok, Sugar?” he asks, taking your hand off his shoulder and bringing you around in front of him.

“Don’t laugh at me!” you cry. But you’re not mad, you’re laughing now the fright has passed. “They just startled me.”

“Aww you need me to protect you huh, baby?” Sy grins, wrapping his arms around your waist.

You smack playfully at his chest, pushing him away with a laugh. “Yes actually. Go ahead. Do some reconnaissance or whatever shit you guys do in the army. Protect the asset or whatever the fuck you call it.”

Sy shakes his head, and lets you go, but takes hold of your hand. “It’s called…” Then someone jumps out at Sy, machete in hand and you see Sy stiffen. “God fuckin’ Damn it!” he shouts. He looks at you out of the corner of his eye. He sees you pressing your lips together, hiding your grin. “Don’t say a fuckin’ word,” he warns pointing a finger at you, face grim.

You wrap your arms around his waist. “Aww, you need me to protect you, huh, Baby?” you ask Sy.

“Cheeky bitch,” he laughs.

“Smug bastard,” you counter.

Sy’s arms encircle your waist and for a moment your eyes hold each other’s, both of you grinning. Then Sy brushes some hair off your brow and suddenly it feels too intimate, no longer a playful hug, and you feel a heat bloom deep within you. It’s not the first time you’ve felt that with Sy, but after Hope’s assumption earlier it’s harder to shake off.

Why aren’t you and Sy together? You always have a litany of reasons in your head as to why. Sometimes it was because you were dating other people, but that wasn’t the case now. You remember whispers in your group that the reason his last girlfriend broke up with him was jealousy of your relationship. They hadn’t dated long, only a month or so, Sy never seems to keep women around long. Sy had told you that you weren’t the reason, and you believed him because you wanted to believe him. But when he looks at you the way he’s looking at you now, you wonder if he had told you the truth.

You bite your lip and let him go. Sy holds you a beat longer than necessary and seems to draw your body closer to his before releasing you. You notice the way he clears his throat and pulls at the collar of his jacket.

“Come on,” you say, surprised by how hoarse your voice sounds. “Let’s find the others.” Sy nods and holds out his hand. You hesitate a moment, maybe you shouldn’t hold his hand, maybe you’re sending the wrong signals to him. Giving yourself a mental shake to clear your thoughts, you take his hand, convincing yourself it will be more awkward if you don’t.

As you move further into the maze, you are glad you held Sy’s hand. Although it isn’t really scary, the actors startle game is on point. Both you and Sy jump a few times, sending you both into peels of laughter. It is a lot of fun, and though you would deny it to anyone who asked, you like having Sy there to hold onto. You like knowing that although he laughed, he laughed because he was happy, not because he thought you were being silly.

As you get closer to the end of the maze, you start to get a little in your head. The adrenaline in your veins has abated and you start to feel a little cold. Like he always does, Sy notices and draws you under his arm, wrapping his jacket around you. Your body presses against his and you like feeling the pleasant warmth of his body through his t-shirt. You put an arm around Sy’s back, above the shirt but beneath the jacket and rest your head against his chest.

It is scary how natural it feels, how often he’s done that for you, warmed you when you were cold or given you his hoodie or jacket. Sometimes you think he wears an extra layer just for you.

“What are we doing after the maze?” you ask Sy.

He shrugs. “I think Dan and Hope will want to home. Dan has work in the mornin’.”

“What about the others?”

“Not sure. Do you want to do somethin’ after this?”

“We could go to the bar, Glenn and Mia are always up for drinks. Or we could all go back to my place and watch some horror movies? We could stop at the store and…”

Suddenly someone jumps out of the corn at you shouting “Run!”

You scream and cling to Sy, burying your face into chest, hands clawing at his shirt. You hear Sy start to chuckle and feel his voice rumble in his chest. Then you hear Dan laughing. You turn around and see Hope shrugging her shoulders and apologetic look on her face and Dan bent over in hysterics.

“Fuck,” you breathe. “Dan, you’re such an asshole.”

“I know…” Dan says, “I’m not even sorry.”

You glower at him, then step out of Sy’s embrace feeling too warm again after your fright. You look at Sy and see him trying to keep a straight face. “You’re both assholes,” you say to Sy, who lets his laughter go.

“I’m sorry, Sugar,” Sy says. “Come back ‘ere.”

“Nah uh!” you go to Hope and link your arm with hers. “C’mon Hope.”

The guys follow the two of you as you go through the last of the maze. “Sorry about Dan,” Hope says.

“Hey, don’t apologise for someone else. Besides, I’m not mad,” you tell her. “That’s just how we are together. We all pick on each other.”

Hope bites her lip, you don’t know her well, but you think she wants to say something. “Are you ok?” you ask.

“I shouldn’t say anything,” she replies.

“Ok…” You’re curious to know what she’s thinking, but because she’s shy, you don’t want to press the issue.

You walk arm in arm for a while, still being scared by actors, but you’re both used to it by now, and other than a short squeal you continue as if nothing happened.

“I suppose you and Dan are going home after this?”

Hope nods. “Yeah, he has work and I need to get home to my cat.” She pauses and when she speaks again, she sounds like she’s trying to be casual but fails miserably. “Why don’t you and Sy do something together?”

“We will,” you say slowly. “We are going to see if the others want to meet up at the bar.”

Hope is quiet for a bit. “Look, I don’t know you and if I’m out of line, tell me…”

You breathe deeply, you think you know where this is going. “Go on.”

“It’s just that you’ve been really nice to me and… well… What’s going on with you and Sy? He obviously likes you. You like him too, right?”

You force your voice to sound flippant, “Of course I do.”

“I mean, really like him,” Hope presses.

“Well, I mean…” you sneak a peek behind you and your eyes meet Sy’s. He was looking directly at you when you turned, a small smirk on his lips as he listens to Dan chatter away. You are far enough away from them that they can’t hear you talking, but Sy looks at you as if he knows you’re talking about him. Feeling heat rise to your cheeks you turn around. “We’re just friends.”

Hope grins at you. “I think he wants more than friendship. Friends don’t look at each other like he looks at you.”

“How does he look at me?” you ask softly. You know, you’ve seen it tonight, but you keep denying it. Why do you do that?

“Like he wants to take you to his bed,” she says.

“We’re friends,” you repeat. “It’s better that way.” I’ll never lose him that way, you silently add.

“Yeah,” Hope says. “Forget I said anything.”

You reach the end of the maze and join up with the others. There’s a brief conversation about meeting up, but everyone seems to have excuses not to. It seems too forced, like everyone is busy on purpose. You smell a rat, but as you look at Sy you can’t see any hint of deception on his part.

The drive to Dan’s house is subdued. Hope lays her head on Dan’s shoulder, and they hold hands while Dan traces lazy circles over her palm. You get a flashback to a few weeks ago when you all went camping. After dinner everyone gathered around the fire, you had sat with Sy, his arm around you and he had done the same thing to your hand, calming you so much you had fallen asleep.

In that moment you realise that you and Sy had been practically boyfriend and girlfriend for years. The only thing that you lacked was commitment and physical intimacy, but then again, what Dan and Hope are doing is intimate and you and Sy do that kind of thing all the time. The only physical boundaries you haven’t crossed were kissing and sex.

It wasn’t that you wouldn’t want to kiss Sy, you do. When you boil down all your fears about taking that step from friendship to relationship, it all came down to one thing. Commitment. You don’t know if Sy could commit to you long term. You’ve never seen him date someone for longer than a few months. And when he tells you why they break up, it always feels like a superficial excuse. You don’t want to lose his friendship and it seems like taking the relationship further would be the quickest way for that to happen.

You are so wrapped up in your thoughts you don’t notice when Sy pulls up into Dan’s driveway until Hope says goodbye. You turn around and give her and Dan a hug, then wave at them as they go inside.

As Sy reverses out of the driveway he asks, “Wanna go to the store and grab some beers and junk for a movie?”

“Everyone’s busy Sy, don’t worry about it, just drop me home.”

“I ain’t busy,” he says.

Yeah, but I can’t be alone with you right now. I don’t trust myself. It would be a mistake.

“Wanna watch a Rob Zombie movie? I’m kinda in the mood after listenin’ to his music,” Sy suggests.

“Which one?” you ask.

“Halloween, or House of 1000 Corpses.”

“I haven’t watched House of 1000 Corpses in ages.” You laugh. “I’m in the mood for some Captain Spaulding. Don’t worry about getting beers, I have some in my fridge.” You blink, until the words came out of your mouth, you hadn’t realised you had decided to let Sy come over. It is too late to take them back now.

Sy grins and nods. You look out the window, biting on your thumbnail. It’s fine, you try to convince yourself, you and Sy hang out alone all the time. Nothing is going to happen.

When you arrive at your place, Sy follows you into your house hanging his jacket by the door and immediately makes himself at home, going to the fridge, pulling out a beer for himself. He opens your freezer and pulls out your vodka and starts making you a drink as you get out the disk.

“No drink for me,” you call out to Sy.

“What’s that?” Sy calls. “You want a double shot?”

You laugh. “Sy,” you whine.

He brings out the drinks and flops on the three-seater next to you. “Come on, have a drink with me.”

“Just one,” you say. “You shouldn’t have much more either, you have to drive.”

“I’ll spend the night,” Sy says smoothly. You stare blankly at him. This is what you are afraid of, this easiness he has with you, it’s too comfortable between you two and it’s all too easy to see yourself allowing something to happen. “Right here,” he adds, giving the couch a tap.

You nod then get up and turn all the lights off and settle into the movie. Sy reaches over and pulls you to him, resting your head against his chest and putting an arm around your shoulder. You go with it, he will think something is wrong if you don’t.

As was your way when you watched movies you’ve already seen together, Sy starts talking. “Did ya have a good time tonight?”

“Yeah, it was good. You?”

“Course I did.” You feel Sy’s fingers stroke your hair. “I always have a good time with you.” You lick your lips and have a sip of your drink. “I like hangin’ out with you.” Sys fingers brush your ear then skim over your neck.

You don’t breathe. You don’t know what to say. You have to say something. “I like Hope,” you deflect. “First of Dan’s girlfriends I met that I actually like.”

Sy gives a hum of agreement. “You were real nice to her tonight. Dan appreciated it. I was wrong, I think he’s serious ‘bout her. What were you two talkin’ about at the end there? Seemed real deep.”

Fuck. “Just stuff about Dan,” you lie.

You don’t know if Sy believes you, but he doesn’t call you out on it and you keep watching the movie while Sy keeps drinking his beer and playing with your hair. For a while you almost forget about feeling awkward and enjoy the movie, enjoy being close to Sy, without it getting weird. When you finish your drink and notice Sy has finished his too, you push yourself off him and he grumbles as you move.

“I was comfortable,” he complains.

“I’m going to get another drink. Want one?”

Sy nods and pauses the film. When you come back, you find Sy playing the label of his empty beer, flicking at the edges of it. He is so engrossed in whatever he was thinking that he didn’t notice you come back until you waved the new bottle in his face.

Looking up at you he gives you a quick grin of thanks and he waits until you sit on the couch and instead of putting his arms out to you, he speaks.

“Sugar, I wanna talk to you ‘bout somethin’.” Sy doesn’t look at you, he leans forward, elbows on his knees and he stares at his new bottle, rolling it between his hands.

Oh fuck. “Ok,” you say slowly.

“I’m… uh…” Fuck he’s nervous. Oh fuck, he’s going to say something about your relationship. Fuck. “I’m thinking about retiring.”

You raise your eyebrows. Sy is thinking of retiring from the army. It surprises you because you always thought he would be a lifer, rise up the ranks, be a Colonel one day. You wonder why he wants to leave. Did something happen? You always thought he coped well with military service, you rarely saw signs of trauma, even tonight with all the jump scares, he was relaxed and seemed to handle it as well as any of you.

Reaching your hand out, you lay it gently on his shoulder, “You ok, Sy? Did something happen?”

He looks at you then, looks at your hand on his shoulder, then he smiles. He covers your hand with his, gives it a pat before rubbing it and giving it a squeeze. He looks at you and meets your eyes with an intense gaze. “You’re sweet, you know that?”

You give him a brief smile. “Why do you want to leave?”

Inhaling deeply, Sy gives your hand another squeeze before leaning back into the corner of the couch so he’s facing you, one leg bent, the other foot resting on the floor. Your hand slips off his shoulder and you turn your body to face him, crossing your legs and your back leans on the arm rest. One of your knees is against Sy’s and he leans forward, gripping your denim clad thigh in his hands.

“I’ve done everythin’ I wanted to do, now I’ve had enough,” Sy says. “I don’t wanna do it no more.”

“Sounds like a good reason, Sy,” you say. “You don’t think you’ll miss it though? Won’t hanging out with us civilians all the time be a little boring?” You grin.

Sy grins back, he still seems a little nervous though. “There’ll be things I miss.” His brows furrow and he’s quiet, but you can tell he hasn’t finished talking. “But I’m sick of missin’ things here.”

There are several ways you could interpret his last sentence, but when he meets your eyes, there’s only one way you can read it. He’s talking about you. He misses you. Fuck.

Tearing your eyes away you have a sip of your drink trying to give yourself time to think. “What would you do? For work I mean.”

Sy shrugs, his eyes still bore into you. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“On you.”

For once you detect no hint of mocking in his voice, he’s serious. Fuck. You look down at your hands and start picking your nail polish off, the action is soothing to your reeling mind.

When Sy realises you’re not going to say anything he keeps talking. “I have options,” he says. “I’ve been lookin’ ‘round ‘ere, and there ain’t much. But I could do bouncing, maybe even join the police force, or fire department. My brother-in-law has offered me a job. He’s willin’ to pay good money, but that wouldn’t solve my problem since I’d have to move back home, but it could still work. Maybe. If… uh… some things don’t work the way I want, I was fixin’ t’ spend some time on an oil rig, makin’ some money then buyin’ some land or somethin’. I ain’t thought that one out too much.”

“I don’t see what any of that has to do with me,” you say, playing dumb. You know what he’s looking for. He’s looking for a reason to stay here, he wants you to tell him to stay. “What do you want to do, Sy?”

“It has everythin’ to do with you, baby. I wanna be with you.”

And there it is. Out in the open. You can’t pretend anymore. You can’t keep telling yourself you’re just friends. You feel a heat rise in your gut, a toxic burning that tastes bitter in your mouth. You feel your jaw clench and a lump rises in your throat. For a minute you think you’re going to be sick.

“Why?” you shake your head. Your voice trembles, you don’t know whether you want to cry or scream at him. “Why would you say that, Sy? Why would you ruin everything?”

“We can’t keep goin’ on like this, sugar. It’s not good for either of us.” Sy reaches forward and tries to cup your cheek. You smack his hand away and draw your knees up to your chest.

“Don’t Sy,” you say, unable to keep the venom out of your voice. “Don’t touch me.” Your breathing becomes rapid, shallow, and hard as you try and get a grip on your emotions. You don’t want to make this worse than it already is.

“Why do you fight this? I know you feel how I do,” Sy says calmly. For some reason his composed attitude makes you angrier and you unleash.

“Why? Because I don’t want to be just another girl to you Sy. I see the way you are with women. I see. I’ve seen the women you take home from the bar, I’ve seen the girls who manage to stick around for more than a month before you toss them aside. I’m not going to be one of those girls, Sy.”

“You have no fuckin’ idea what you’re talkin’ about.” Sy’s voice is quiet, but there is a dangerous tone that you have never had directed at you before.

You suck in a breath. You cautiously look up and you wish you hadn’t. You’ve never seen Sy look at you like that, his face twists with rage, and… something else. You hug your knees tighter.

Sy turns away and rubs his hand over his buzzcut hair before sliding it over his face and beard. He sighs and shakes his head. “You’re right, this was stupid. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinkin’.” He stands up and takes a few steps towards your front door.

Stunned you sit there, unable to move as he stops, his hands pump into fists then he shakes his head and keeps walking to the door. Tentatively you put your feet on the carpet and stand up. You follow him and watch Sy open the front door through the archway that leads into the hallway. He stands at the door, one hand on his jacket on the hallstand, you see the tension in his shoulders as he holds them high and tight.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, you barely hear him. You creep into the hallway and lean against the wall, waiting for him to leave. You want him to go, you want to cry, but you don’t want him to see your tears. But he doesn’t leave, he stays there for what feels like eternity. He swears again, a little louder this time, then glances over his shoulder.

Sy sees you. He’s still angry. He turns, lets go of his jacket and uses the heel of his boot to kick your door closed. The slam of the timber in its frame rattles you. Sy stalks down the hall, his eyes narrow, and dark, his body hulking as his arms barely swing. You’ve never been scared of Sy before, but seeing him like this is frightening and you back away. Your shoulder hits a corner and you’re trapped as Sy puts his hands on the wall either side of your head.

“Do you know why it never worked with those women?” Sy asks. His low, husky tone makes you look at him, and you’re shocked to see it isn’t anger he’s showing. It’s something else you’re not used to seeing from him.

You shake your head slowly. Your shallow breathing isn’t from anger or fear anymore. The heat in your body seems to come from a deeper place and warms you until you feel like your whole body smoulders.

“Yeah, you do baby,” Sy rumbles gently. He presses his body against yours, this aggressiveness is a side of him you’ve never seen, but, God, does it feel good. His hand moves to the back of your neck, and he lowers his head to yours. Your mouths are so close. You can smell the beer on his breath, the faint scent of his spicy cologne and a deeper masculine musk beneath it all. Your will is fading, he’s barely touching you and all you want to do it cry out for more. “I can see in your eyes you know why.” Sy’s thumb traces your jaw then down your throat resting just before the hollow at its base. “Because every single one was an insipid substitute for you. Each and every one was to try ‘n get you out of my head. Not one came close.”

“Sy, I don’t know what to say,” you murmur.

“Don’t say anythin’. Just kiss me.” Sy’s voice is rough and severe. Then his thumb moves up and down your throat, his touch was harsh as first, but now it’s gentler, nearly tender. “Just kiss me,” he repeats, but this time its whispered and there’s a pleading desire in his deep voice.

You’re nearly panting as your reach your hands up to Sy’s shoulders. You close your eyes and press your mouth against Sy’s. He feels warm, soft, his whiskers pricking gently at your sensitive skin only heighten the plushness of his lips. He lets out a shuddered moan that tears through you, your hands tighten, gripping his shoulders, nails digging into his hard flesh. His legs are wide, the inside of his thighs press against the outside of yours and his hips lean harder into you. You don’t fight it, you can’t, there’s nowhere else you would rather be. You pull back slightly and open your eyes. Sy’s eyes are closed, his face is almost pulled into a look of pain, his eyes look tight, his brows are drawn together and raised, his jaw is tense.

“More,” he sighs.

You kiss him again, your lips parted slightly as you brush them over his. This time Sy kisses you back and you can’t suppress the moan in your throat. His hips move against you in slow circles and with each firm pass you feel him grow harder and your core starts to throb with a dull ache. The arm that leans against the wall begins to snake around your waist and he draws you closer.

Sy pulls back, breathing as hard as you are, and he rests his forehead on yours. His hand on your neck moves slowly caressing you and he opens his eyes. “Your heart is beatin’ so fast,” he murmurs. “I can feel it here.” His fingers press softly into your neck, nudging at your vein. Then he takes your hand in his, and laying it on his heart, he holds it there, pressing it hard against his shirt. “Can you feel mine?” he asks softly. You nod, you can, it feels so strong, so unwavering, but so fast. “It’s just like yours.”

“I’m nervous, Sy,” you say.

“Me too,” he says.

“I’m scared,”

Sy gives you a small smile before he admits, “me too.” His hand is on your cheek, his long fingers slide into your hair and his thumb slowly moves over your lips. His body is still pressed against you, though he is motionless except for the heavy rise and fall of his chest. His eyes aren’t still, they roam your face taking you all in, rapidly moving over you like he can’t decide where to look.

You look away, feeling overwhelmed, he overwhelms you, crowds you, fills your senses until there’s nothing but him. “Don’t do that. I’ve wanted to look at you like this for so long.” Sy’s fingers move over you, over your brows, your cheeks, your nose and your jaw, caressing you like you’re a porcelain doll or glass statuette. “You’re so beautiful,” he says.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding; it comes out in a sob and you gasp. You try and get hold of yourself, but you feel tears coming fast and knowing you can’t stop them you bury your face into Sy’s chest.

“Shh, baby,” Sy says. He drops his head low, nuzzling into your neck. His words and tone are soothing as he whispers in your ear. “You’re ok. I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.”

You don’t want to cry, but you can’t stop. Every supressed emotion comes hurtling to the surface. You’re still scared, still worried that you’ll lose Sy, but you’re also relieved, relieved of all the tension between you, all the yearning, all the desire you feel that you had forced into a corner of your mind, hidden away from the surface so that he can’t hurt you. You feel so vulnerable, so bare, so defenceless, but so is he. The realisation that this is difficult for him too is what you need to start to gain some control, and your tears slowly abate. You’re not going to go through this alone, Sy is going through it too.

Sniffling, you lift your head, and see Sy’s tear stained shirt. “I’m sorry,” you say. “Your shirt’s all wet.”

Sy grins. “I could take it off it it’ll make ya feel better.”

Despite everything you laugh. “Sy…” you whine.

“Come ‘ere,” Sy rumbles. You wrap your arms around his waist and Sy give you a bear hug, complete with growl. He is still grinning, as he softens his hold and lifting his shirt, he wipes your tears away. “I didn’t mean to make ya cry, sugar.”

“I know, it’s just a lot.”

“For me too.”

Still sniffling, you feel a little lost. “What are we going to do now Sy?”

“There’s no rules,” Sy says. “We can just keep doin’ what we’ve been doin’. ‘Cept I get to kiss ya whenever I want.” As if to prove his point he lifts your chin and brushes his lips over yours. It’s not like his kisses from before, he’s holding back after your little freak out, but it still feels amazing.

“What about whenever I want?” You ask teasingly.

“Baby, you can kiss me whenever you want to. I ain’t gonna say no.” Grinning you tug on his neck, bringing his mouth to yours for a brief kiss. Sy hums as you pull away and his eyes seem to shine. “I like you kissin’ me.” He breathes deeply, a satisfied smile on his face as he takes your hand. “Wanna finish watchin’ the movie?”

You nod as Sy leads you back to your couch. He makes you wait while he takes his boots off and lays down. Then he pulls you on top of him, facing him and your head rests on his chest. His arms wrap around you, and you do the same, tucking your fingers between his back and the couch.

“Comfy?” Sy asks.

“Yeah,” you reply, pressing your ear to his chest, you can hear his heartbeat, slower now, but still faster than you’d expect, but you can also hear the vibrations of his voice as he speaks, and it makes you smile.

You watch the movie a while, using the time to reflect on what happened. You feel better after your cry, the tightness you felt in your chest since Hope made the comment in the truck is gone and you breathe easier. You’re not completely relaxed, there is still a tension, but it’s a pleasant one. It’s exciting being in Sy’s arms now, not just comforting. There is an air of anticipation that both of you seem to be happy to ignore for now.

Sy’s hands play with your hair and caresses the skin on your neck. After a while he gets bold, slipping his fingers beneath your shirt, tracing your spine, and rubbing your back and shoulders. The movie finishes but Sy makes no move to stop touching you. It feels nice and you want to feel him too, so you lift his shirt a little, revealing a slither of his stomach. You hear Sy suck in a breath and when you slip your hand under his shirt, you’re rewarded with a hum. His body is so warm, you knew that already, but you had never felt his bare skin before. You feel his stomach muscles tighten as you run your fingers down his side and for a while, you barely feel him breathe. You notice a change in texture and realise your fingers have found a scar. Its small by the feel, and you wonder how he got it.

“IED Afganistan,” he murmurs. You look up at him, surprised at his admission. “Before I met you.”

You reach up and touch the faded scars on his cheek, you can barely notice them, they’re more like a graze. “Same one?” you ask softly.

Sy shakes his head. “Iraq,” he says. “I met you just after I came back from that tour.”

Not sure what to say, you nod, slowly. Sy’s hands move to your waist, and he slides you up his body until your face hovers above his. God, he’s strong, he pulls you like you weigh nothing. He lifts your shirt a little, and he slips a hand underneath, and you feel his warm, work hardened skin on your lower back. His other hand slips over your ass and grabs your thigh, opening your legs enough for him to put his between yours. He bends his knee, and your eyes widen at the sudden pressure between your legs.

“Oh God,” you mumble. Your stomach flips as Sy’s hand holds the nape of your neck, drawing you close and the other splays over the bare skin of your back. “Sy…” you start to say. It’s too much, too sudden, too fast and you feel the tightening in your chest again.

“We’re just kissin’,” Sy says, soothingly. You feel his thumb trace the shell of your ear. “We’re keepin’ our clothes on, ok?”

You nod and let yourself be guided to his mouth. He kisses you like before, lips soft, mouth closed, and you kiss him back the same way. His kiss is soothing, seductive, and sensual and you allow yourself to melt into it.

Sy’s tongue flicks over your lips, coaxing you to open for him. With a soft moan you do, and you feel Sy’s body tense, his arms tighten around you. When you meet Sy’s tongue with yours it’s like a switch is flipped and Sy groans, both his hands rush to your ass squeezing your cheeks, pressing you onto his thigh as his hips rise.

Feeling a rush between your legs, it doesn’t feel like just kissing anymore. Sy doesn’t feel restrained either. His tongue becomes forceful, demanding as he explores your mouth. His hand returns to your head, keeping you close to him and the other glides up your side, over your shirt, until he finds your breasts.

Too aroused now, you find yourself unable to stop touching Sy either. Those arms of his, you longed for years to feel them beneath your fingers. You let them move over his bicep, curled from holding you tightly it feels hard as a rock as you grasp him. Your other hand slides over his belly under his shirt and you arch your spine up to give you room to feel the trail of thick hair that disappears into his pants.

“Fuck,” Sy growls into your mouth. “You’re so fuckin’ hot,” he breaths. His hips roll again, pressing his straining pants into your hips. You rock your hips in response, and don’t bother supressing the moan as it passes your lips.

You want him so badly, you want him to tear your clothes from your body, you want his mouth on you, you want to touch him, you want to look at him, you want to feel him inside you.

“I can’t tell you how long I wanted this, wanted you.” He presses your forehead against his, keeping you there as his eyes stare into yours. “I almost told you a thousand times…” he shakes his head. “Can’t believe I waited so long.”

“Why now?” you ask. You bring your hand up to his cheek and play with his beard. It makes you smile; you have wanted to do that forever.

“I knew I wanted to leave the army, but I didn’t know what I was gonna do.” Sy chuffs and sucks his lip into his mouth like he does when he thinks. His hands don’t stop moving over you, but he’s just feeling you now, not pawing or squeezing. “When my brother-in-law offered me work, I wanted to say yes, but my first thought was you. I couldn’t go, not without tellin’ you how I felt.”

“And now?”

“Now, I’m stayin’ here. With you.”

“You really gonna be a cop?”

“Dunno. It’s an option.” Sy shrugs, “I could go back to school and get an MBA, maybe teach. I’ll figure it out.”

“But you’ll stay here,”

“I’ll be wherever you are.”

“You’re really serious about this,” you say, partly to yourself.

“’Bout you,” Sy clarifies. “I’m real serious ‘bout you.”

Sy brings his lips to yours. In what seems to be a pattern, his kiss starts soft, gentle like he’s holding back. Then something triggers in him and his kiss changes, he becomes rough, urgent, his lips and tongue become commanding, dominant. Despite being on top of him, he’s in control, and you like it.

You press your body against his, your hands slip under his shirt again, seeking his warmth. Your hips move, you can’t stop them, you want to get closer to him, closer to all that muscle, all that strength. You want to feel overwhelmed again, you want him to fill you until there’s nothing but you and him, until nothing else matters because nothing else does.

Holy fuck. You’re in love with him.

Crap. You freeze up. Shit. Sy notices immediately pulling his head back, looking at you confused. Fuck. It’s too soon for that. Who are you kidding? You’ve been in love with him for ages. Shit. Sy’s still looking at you. You try to kiss him, push the thought out of your mind, but Sy pulls back.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Cupping Sy’s cheeks you bring him back to your mouth. “Nothing,” you murmur and slide your tongue into his mouth. Sy hums and kisses you back. For a moment you think you got away with it. Then Sy pulls away again.

“Somethin’s wrong. Did I do somethin’?” Sy asks.

Shaking your head, you kiss Sy again, trying to distract yourself and him. “Nothing, just kiss me.”

“No,” Sy says. “What happened.”

“Fuck,” you say and scramble off Sy. He lets you go, swinging his long legs off the couch and sitting upright. You pace the room, you can’t stay still, you’re too restless. Your mind is reeling and your body… Your body is on fire.

Glancing at Sy, you see he’s not in a much better state. You catch him with the heel of his palm at his pants, readjusting himself, the sudden change of position must be uncomfortable.

You want to look away, but you can’t. Knowing he’s hard like that… You want to see it, feel it, God, you want it in your mouth. Sy sees where you’re looking and half smirks, opening his legs a little wider.

“Is that what’s got you worried, sugar?” Sy asks. “Just cause I’m ready, doesn’t mean we gotta do anythin’.”

You feel heat rush to your cheeks. Fuck, but you want to. “It’s not that. I mean, it kind of is, but no.”

Sy grins and stands, pulling you into his arms. Oh God, now you can feel it. “So, what’s the problem?” The problem is that you want to him too much, you’re in too deep, and this thing between you hasn’t even started. You thought he was attractive before, but now, Christ, now that he’s unleashed the full extent of his raw, dominant, masculine sexuality, you feel out of control.

“I don’t know what’s happening here,” you mumble, hiding your face against his chest. Your nose fills with his scent again, everything about him is so alluring.

“Whatever you want is happening,” Sy reassures you. Despite his raging hard-on, he holds you soothingly, rocking gently side to side as if dancing, his head is lowered so you can hear his deep resonating voice in your ear. “I can’t hide how bad I want you, not anymore, the barn door is wide open now. But I can be patient.”

“That’s not what scares me.”

“Tell me, baby. Talk to me. It can’t be that bad.”

“I think I’m in love with you Sy,” you say softly and hold your breath.

Sy laughs. Your eyes narrow, fury rises swiftly, and you don’t want him to touch you. How could he laugh at you? You knew it was too good to be true. You knew you’d be like every other girl. What made you think you were special to him? You try to push him away, but he doesn’t let you go.

“Shh,” Sy says. “Sorry, I just… Is that what’s got ya all tangled up in knots?” You nod. “You think I don’t feel the same way?”

“I don’t know,” you mumble.

“You don’t know?” he shakes his head. He lifts your chin and makes you look at him. “Baby, I am so fuckin’ in love with you.”

Your jaw drops. “Really?”

Sy chuffs. “You really didn’t know?” You shake your head. “I thought you knew. I thought there was no way ya couldn’t have known.”

You shake your head again. Sy’s eyes seem to darken, his mood changing on a dime. He licks his lips as he slips a bent leg between yours.

“Tell me again.” Sy’s voice is deep, and gravelly. “I wanna hear it again.”

Your mouth feels dry, but you swallow and in a hoarse voice you say, “I think…”

Sy stops you. “Not ‘I think’. You know, baby. You know you do. Tell me.” He’s leaning over you, an arm around your waist close to him while the other wraps around your neck. “I wanna hear it.”

How can he be so demanding? And how can you be so willing? You don’t know, he just is and you just are.

“I’m in love with you, Sy.”

Sy’s eyes close and this close you can see his jaw clench as he curses under his breath. When he opens his eyes, you gasp. They’re dark, lust filled blue orbs, his lids are heavy. His lip curls in a near snarl, and his throat rumbles. Then his lips are on yours, his kiss is frantic, tongue deep in your mouth, exploring, leaving no part of you untouched. He starts walking you to the couch, his lips never leaving yours, but you want something else.

Everything is out in the open now. Its liberating, and you feel your sense of control come back. If you and Sy are going to do this, you don’t want to dance around it, you’ve been doing that far too long.

You step away from him, he clutches at you, not wanting to let you go, but you’re insistent and he loosens his hold. Gathering every last ounce of courage you have; you cross your arms over your body and grip the hem of your shirt.

With wide eyes Sy reaches for you, you grin and step back. He growls at you, “Come ‘ere.”

You shake your head and lift your arms, bringing your t-shirt over your head before dropping it to the ground.

“Fuck,” Sy groans. He grabs at you again, but you keep backing away heading towards your bedroom.

Grinning, you put your arms behind your back, holding the clasp of your bra. “I want to go to bed Sy,” you say.

“Do you?” Sy smirks.

You don’t know how he does it, but despite following you, he makes you feel like he’s stalking you. He reaches behind his head and pulls his shirt off, bringing it over his body. Your eyes widen as his shoulders are revealed, the muscles rolling beneath his lightly tan skin. Sliding his shirt down his arms he drops it to the floor. You bite your lip; he was magnificent as he prowls down the hall.

“You gonna take that off, baby?” Sy asks as his hands go to his belt.

Reaching your bedroom, you back up until your legs hit the edge of the bed. Sy stands in the doorway, belt undone, pants open resting on his hips, his dark underwear not able to disguise the hard bulge straining against the fabric. He licks his lips, his eyes aflame as he takes a slow step towards you.

You can hardly contain your excitement, every part of you is trembling and for a minute you think you can’t undo your bra. Then it falls apart and you hold it to your chest as Sy approaches. You’re damn near hyperventilating by the time he reaches you, his small smirk only adding to the feeling that you were playing with fire and about to get burned.

Sy’s tongue moves over his teeth as he looks over you. You think he’s going to take off your bra, but instead he grabs at your pants. His thick fingers make quick work of the buttons and squatting down he slides them down your thighs. He looks up at you through thick lashes, his blue eyes flashing with mirth and lust. He taps your left leg and you lift it and he pulls the tight denim off before tapping your right leg and repeating the process.

“Still waitin’ for ya to take that off, sugar,” he says, from his knees as his hands move smoothly up and down your legs.

His eyes stay on yours as he lays a kiss on your belly, just above your plain black cotton underwear. His beard tickles at your skin and you instinctively pull away.

Growling Sy grabs your ass pulling you close as he continues to leave wet kisses bellow your belly button. “You’re not goin’ anywhere.” But he smiles as his kisses move lower and you can feel the heat of his breath as he puts his mouth over your covered mound.

“Fuck, Sy,” you moan, your hands dropping your bra as you reach for his head. Your fingers glide over his velvety hair and you hear him groan. You feel dizzy, breathless, weak at the knees. You would fall if he wasn’t holding you.

As if he knew you were wavering Sy stands and lowers you onto your bed. His bare chest presses against yours, his thick thighs push yours apart as he quickly loses his pants. He rests his weight on his elbows and his fingers stroke at your hair. He gives you whiplash, one moment he’s full of frantic, animalistic, primal passion, the next he’s almost a gentleman, tender and slow.

“You good?” he asks.

You nod and smile. Placing a hand on his neck, you bring his mouth to yours. You swipe your tongue across his lips, and he practically purrs as he opens his mouth. You feel his cock against your open legs, and he rubs against you, moving in slow tight circles. Sy’s hands are everywhere, stroking, petting, squeezing, kneading. Your hands are just as busy, moving over the flexing muscles of his arms, back and chest. Your body surges, you can’t stop writhing under his touch, hips rocking to meet his. Sy is so vocal, groaning, moaning, cursing into your mouth as his hands glide over you.

“I love the way you touch me, baby,” Sy says with a shiver as your fingers glide over his nipple.

“You feel so good Sy,” you murmur.

Sy moves his mouth to your ear and says in a low, husky voice, “I want to be inside you.”

“Fuck,” you cry. The words alone send a ripple of heat through your body.

You feel Sy lift his hips from yours and he lowers your panties and his underwear quicker than you think. His hand slips between your legs, his fingers run over your swollen, wet folds and you moan, widening your legs.

“Holy shit, baby you’re drenched,” he mumbles. He’s gentle as he slips his finger inside you. Your body heaves, back arching, hips rocking as his palm presses against your clit. His mouth is hot as he starts to kiss your breasts, slowly moving down your body.

Any other day, you would let his path of kisses continue, but not today. You were desperate, needy, you need him inside you and not even the thought of his mouth on you is enough.

You dig your heels into his ass as you paw at Sy, dragging him back. He looks confused, “I want to,” he says.

Shaking your head, you reach between you, letting your fingers glide over his length. Sy groans and slips another finger into your throbbing, aching core, pumping his fingers harder as your hand wraps around his shaft. God he’s thick, heavy in your hand, and you feel him pulsing in your soft grip.

“I need this, Sy,” you moan. “I need you inside me.”

“I ain’t gonna last, baby,” Sy admits without shame. “Ya got me too fuckin’ worked up. I wanna make you cum.”

“Keep doing what you’re doing, I’m so close.” You are, so, so, close. You claw at Sy, your nails dig into those broad, muscular shoulders.

“Fuck it,” Sy says and slips out of your grasp. You want to protest but the heat of his mouth on your clit renders you speechless.

Mewling, moaning, twisting, your body cries out for release. You look down at Sy, his eyes are so hungry, and you watch him as he sucks you lightly into his mouth. Your body tenses, you hold your breath, as that familiar warmth spreads from deep within your gut.

“Oh fuck! Sy!” You cry as you fall apart, he growls into you, his eyes never leave you as he watches the tension release from your body and waves of torrid pleasure roll over you.

When Sy’s mouth releases you and his fingers withdraw, you feel shaken. You have never cum so fast in your life, but then again, you have never had years of foreplay, years of burning desire supressed and ignored only to be unleashed in one short night.

It takes you a moment to realise Sy is talking to you, the pressure of the satiny head of his cock pressing against your core brings you back to reality.

“Do you still…” You don’t let Sy finish talking. You pull his mouth to yours, and he groans, pushing himself into you. He fills you, stretches you, consumes you, it’s like you feel him through your entire being. “Fuck,” Sy spits out through gritted teeth. “You’re so fuckin’… you’re everythin’.”

Sy’s mouth covers yours as he starts to move. He moves slowly, steadily, as his hands move over you. You go with him, matching his movements with your own, and you feel his pace start to build.

Breaking your kiss Sy looks at you, his hand resting on your neck as his thumb slides over your cheek. You smile at him and mirror his action, your fingers sliding into his soft beard. Your thumb brushes over his lips and he kisses it, the tenderness of the moment surprises you. Then he brings his forehead to yours, noses nudging playfully against each other.

“I love you,” Sy whispers. “I love you so fuckin’ much.”

Your heart skips then hammers in your chest. His words send a swirling warmth through you. You wrap your arms and legs around him; you want him closer, you want him deeper, you just want him.

“I love you too, Sy,” you whisper back.

Your mouths meet in a scorching twisting of lips, tongues and teeth. Sy doesn’t hold back as he grips your hip and his thrusts become rapid, powerful. All you can feel is him, all you can smell is him, all you can see is him, all you think of is him.

Sy lifts his head, and gives a primal, wordless shout as he releases. He’s beautiful as he cums, his body glistens as he breaks a sweat, his muscles ripple and his face is set with an expression of orgiastic ecstasy.

Falling beside you on the bed, Sy is quick to gather you in his arms, rolling you to face him. His eyes are hooded, still basking in his post orgasm haze, his fingers caress your face. He smiles at you, seemingly lost for words. You return his smile, and he kisses you with a laziness that seems appropriate considering how exhausted you both are.

When Sy pulls away, he tugs at the covers and you both crawl beneath them and wordlessly reach for each other again. You rest your head against his chest, and you feel him kiss your forehead. You don’t speak again, you don’t need to, everything has already been said.

[myperfectdad]

30. Selected

The windowless room was thick with the smell of cigar smoke, leather, and sweat.  My brothers and I had roughhoused enough for one day.  It was time to relax and wait for our visitor to get here.

“What do you think he’ll be like?” I said.

My brother Dan exhaled his smoke.  My other brother Rick and I both leaned forward to breathe it in.  Wasting good cigar smoke was a sin for us leather dads, and if our handlers noticed our transgression, we could be turfed out to one of the other wings, like house dad.  God, those guys were insufferable, baking and vacuuming all day long.  Although, they do have the tidiest bunks in the place.  The space my brothers and I live in can get a little gamey.

With any luck, one of us would be chosen today.  It would be sad to say goodbye to my brothers, but if it meant getting chosen, separation would be worth it.  Worth it, but bittersweet.  We’d been bunking together in the leather wing of the dad reassignment center since—well, for as long as I could remember.

“I hope he’s thick and hairy, like us,” Dan said, palming his engorged codpiece.

“The ones that have been coming by lately have been little twigs,” Rick said.  “I’m afraid if one of those little guys chose me, I’d snap him in half the first day.”

We all shared a gruff, gravelly laugh and I reached my hand inside Rick’s jacket.  His thick pecs stretched his leather shirt and pleated the space between the buttons.  I wasn’t wearing my gloves–a departure from protocol, I know, but cut me some slack here–so I ran my bare fingers through his furry pelt of chest hair.  Damn, I loved my brothers so much.  I wanted so bad to twist Rick’s nipple, but that wasn’t allowed.  Not when a visitor was on the way.

“What are you hoping for, Mike?” Dan asked.

I took my cigar out from between my teeth.  “Same as I’ve always wanted.  A handsome little jock who knows how to take Daddy’s punishments like a man.  Maybe a gymnast or something.”

My brothers grunted in agreement.  With any luck, each of us would get chosen by the son of our dreams.

The door swung open and one of our handlers, an average-looking dude in his twenties named Kevin, was making a face in the doorway.

“Gah,” he said.  “It stinks in here.  Can’t you guys please use the deodorant we give you?”

“‘Fraid not, boy.” Rick said.  We all laughed.  Kevin rolled his eyes and stepped into the room, followed by another plain-looking man in a polo shirt and khakis.  He could have been Kevin’s brother.

“These are the leather dads we told you about,” Kevin said to the visitor, then pointed at us each in turn.  “Mike, Rick, and Dan.  Any questions?”

The visitor looked at us.  He didn’t have the same nervous fear that most sons get when they consider a leather dad.  We have a well-earned reputation for being strict disciplinarians.  A lot of sons think they want that, but when they take us home, they can’t hack it.  Kevin had told us stories of leather dads getting returned to the center after a few weeks, or worse, driven out into the country and left to fend for themselves.

“Mike,” the visitor said.  I perked up at the sound of my name.

“Yeah, boy?  You think you got what it takes to be my son?”  I groped my crotch.  “Dad likes to work hard and play hard.”

The visitor looked at Kevin.  “I like Mike, but his attitude sucks.  Can we do something about that?  Maybe tame him a little?”

My handler bit his lip and thought for a moment.  “Well, we really don’t like to reassign dads to other wings unless there’s a good reason.  We evaluated Mike to be a perfect leather dad.”

“No,” the visitor said, then looked me straight in the eye.  “I want him to be a leather dad, just not this obnoxious.”

“Why don’t we continue this conversation outside?” Kevin said and ushered the visitor back out into the hallway.  As the door closed, my brothers and I shared a smirk and a growl.

“Damn,” I said.  “Another one bites the dust.”

———

“Good morning, Son.  It’s time to get up.”

I’d happily taken over the duties of my hot Son’s alarm clock.  Every morning at 6:30, I came into his room in full uniform and kneeled at the side of his bed, gloved hands behind my back and head respectfully bowed, then recited the words I’d been instructed to say at regular intervals.

My Son rolled over and placed a hand on my shoulder.  I shuddered with pleasure.  He wasn’t usually so demonstrative.

“Good morning, dad,” he said.  “Is breakfast ready?”

“Downstairs and waiting for you, Son,” I said.  “I think you’re going to like it.”

Son swung his legs over the side of the bed and I placed a slipper onto each foot.  He grabbed my head and pulled it into his crotch, nudging my leather cap out of position.  I breathed his scent in and my eyes rolled back.

“You cook better than I expected you to,” he said.

“Thank you, Son,” I said, my voice muffled as I spoke directly into his tight white briefs.  “I spent some time training with the house dads before you came and got me.”