#all day no wife!!!

[crushofdoves]

i got home like half an hour before frankie tonight and she just texted that she’s on her way home, so now i am pacing around in the front room of our house like a dog

[expelliarmus]

[lazylittledragon]

did somebody say dadkarios

[smooth-noob]

[wedielikemen]

Lucas : Mentions Kevin Day

Jean Moreau : Hefting his racquet with murderous intent

[giantkillerjack]

Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!

Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*

Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!

[pseudowho]

Domestic Bliss: Nanami Kento #1, Rant

It was your evening routine, now. Kento was decompressing from work. You sat back and listened, rubbing your temples with your fingertips. He paced around the kitchen, clattering pans, crushing garlic, ranting.

"--introduced a new merge lane near Ginza. No advance warning of course. 'Traffic committee', are they? Bunch of clowns--"

The pan started sizzling, with mellowsoft aromas filling the house.

"--filing under category 1.1 instead of category 1.2, so I went back and did the whole thing again. Wouldn't happen if we switched over to e-copies--"

Two steaks flung with force, ejecting garlic cloves from the pan, to skitter away across the hob. Kento tutted at the garlic, picking them up and flinging them back in, too hard, to hop out of the pan again and he growled at the garlic now--

"--convenience store stopped the black pepper focaccia, people obviously have no taste, want sweet bread instead like they're fucking children--"

You were about to snap, you swore to God--

"--honestly I'd rather see a bunch of dogs in dinner jackets stand for election--"

You stood, clapping your hands once, sharply, and Kento jumped, looking at you mulishly as he flipped the steaks; "Enough! Fucking hell, Old-Man-Shouts-At-Moon, are you quite finished?"

Kento was silent for a moment, offended. As you poured the wine, simmering under his premature middle-aged grump, you heard a mollified little grumble above the sizzle of dinner.

"...any way to talk to your husband?...just having a conversation--"

"Be quiet and drink your wine before I bite you, Kento."

[lynxxpaw]

Convert Narinder, they said. He's really cool, they said.

[atmothart]

Wouldn't lizard fashion be something like spikes and scales and a frilled lizard collar?

Like so?

(Bonus art under the cut)

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

[allaboutthatshowmanlife]

The reason the fake dating trope works so well for buddie is because even canonically they are both that brand of fucking stupid where they think it’d actually work

[spicyet]

What are you looking for here? Scroll back up.

Just kidding, here’s a treat:

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Rewatching all of OFMD today (#Renew As A Crew) and one thing that's sticking out to me immediately -

Until we see in s2 how relieved Ed is to lose the responsibility of being captain, it doesn't really stick out how fucking...tense Ed is.

When he meets Stede's crew, look at his body language! He's trying to be cool and smooth and everything, and he's charismatic enough he can pull it off, but his body language is borderline nervous, honestly. He's very stiff and cautious in his movements, always keeping at least one hand on his weapons, always glancing around. It's striking to compare it to how he acts when he's alone with Stede - you can almost see the weight grow on his shoulders when he's in front of the crew. No wonder Lucius thinks he doesn't know how to relax!

He's also extremely theatrical and showy, and part of that is Ed being tied with Stede for Most Dramatic Bitch on the Seven Seas, but it's also immediately obvious that he expects every eye to be on him, always. He acts like he knows he's the center of attention, always. Almost every movement this man makes seems so calculated.

You can see some of the weight lift when he tries telling everyone to just call him Ed, although a lot of the time he still looks pretty guarded and often holds his hands in front of himself almost protectively. Sweetie pie is trying so hard to be vulnerable but his body language still reads like he's not fully comfortable. It has to be very scary for him but he's being so brave and trying so hard anyway!

We don't see the big change until he's back on the ship in s2e5 and the crew have put him on probation. Although many of the crew are still pissed at him, Ed is, very explicitly, no longer captain. The crew don't hate him (they're mad at him, but he never lost their love), but they'd push back against orders even if he tried giving them. And what a relief that must be! Ed looks so light this episode! It's no longer his job to make the decisions, all he has to do is fix things up. He gets to talk with Fang as friends, not as The Legendary Captain Blackbeard and Loyal Crewmember. He gets to play, doing a cannonball off the ladder, and have a good time learning how to fish. His body language is absolutely night-and-day.

And after he gets out of probation? That stays consistent. In s2e6 he gets to play along with the crew, encouraging "the moving of the tub - it's a sacred tradition!!!" getting him a cheer from the crew ("yooo, this dude's devout as fuuuck!!"). He just gets to have a good time. Compared to the first time he meets the crew in s1e4, he's obviously so relaxed and willing to unwind in front of everyone - they were about to dance, and Ed doesn't even fucking hesitate to agree when Stede suggested they join everyone (fuck Ned Low for stealing that from us, honestly).

Ed wants so fucking badly to be free of the massive responsibility that's been weighing on him - think about what he said to Stede in s1e4: "they're all going to die, all the men who trusted you, and it'll be all your fault!" He has been living with so much weight on his shoulders, not just incredible responsibility but feeling unsafe to be the softer, gentle, sweet man we know he is.

He just wants to be free to be Ed.

[blubblubisdead2me]

CANT SLEEP DREW MARISA INSTEAD

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

totally unserious take on a chaggie wedding XD inspired by @tiny-feisty-gay's glorious idea of carmilla giving vaggie away XD XD

Carmilla: "....."

Vaggie: (dressed to get hitched) (half way out a window)

Carmilla: "...am I interrupting?"

Vaggie: "Miss Carmine, uh- No, I was just. Gonna get some air..."

Carmilla: "Two minutes before your wedding."

Vaggie: "That's- that's why I need the air."

Carmilla: "And when you don't return from your 'air getting', what exactly would you like me to say to your heartbroken bride?"

Vaggie: ".... I..."

Carmilla: "Come along." (hooks vaggie by the arm and pulls her casually away from the window) "You can explain it all to me on the way."

Vaggie: "The way- the- the way WHERE?"

Carmilla: "To the wedding arch, where your reformed snake man is waiting to officiate your vows with the princess of hell." (lifts eyebrow) "I did you both a rather large favor by helping your fight against heaven. I am calling in that favor now, and you will allow me to walk you down the aisle."

Vaggie: "Oh no."

Carmilla: "Oh yes."

Vaggie: "Wait." (digging in her heels) (getting dragged anyway) "Wait!"

Carmilla: "Why should I."

Vaggie: "The wedding- I can't."

Carmilla: "Then face her and tell her so."

Vaggie: "That’s not what-"

Carmilla: "Did you ask her to be here today?"

Vaggie: "W-we asked each other..."

Carmilla: "So you at least owe her that much. You can say whatever you like once you reach the arch, but you should at least meet her there. Don't you think?"

Vaggie: "..."

Vaggie: "You're right." (squares shoulders) "You're right- I should. And. I've been practicing the vows for weeks. I should just. Say them."

Carmilla: "Good." (at the doors) "Ready?"

Vaggie: (breathes out) "...ready."

Carmilla: (walks them out the doors and towards the aisle)

Vaggie: "-im not ready im not ready."

Carmilla: "Too late."

Vaggie: (whisper yelling) "Turn left! Left! Left left left!"

Carmilla: "No."

Vaggie: "Miss Carmine- please-"

Carmilla: "No.” (effortless marches vaggie forward) “If you didn't want me interfering with your life then you shouldn't have come asking me for help in the first place."

Vaggie: "I ASKED? I only asked you to teach me how to kill angels!"

Carmilla: "And I only agreed to teach you when you said you were looking to protect those you love. Now I have another lesson for you."

Vaggie: "This isn't the time-"

Carmilla: "Hush. You need to kill the angel in your head."

Vaggie: "The what?"

Carmilla: "The voice screaming at your about worthiness instead of love- kill it. Kill it before it breaks the heart of the woman that you love."

Vaggie: "How can I- but it's not wrong. And it's, me."

Carmilla: "And you are the one she asked to be here. Look. She's waiting for you."

Vaggie: "Charlie..."

Vaggie: “……”

Vaggie: "....she's loves people, e-even when they don't deserve it."

Carmilla: "Your entire hotel is built on proving that a lie. Are you willing to fight for her or not?"

Vaggie: "Yes! With my life, no matter what-"

Carmilla: "Then fight for her. Fight yourself, for her, or you will be the one to hurt her."

Vaggie: "....what if I lose? What I.. if she..."

Carmilla: "You can't be ready to fight a battle if you're not ready to risk losing it. Is her happiness worth that risk to you?"

Vaggie: "More than anything."

Carmilla: (as they reach the arch) (whispering) "Then you are ready."

At the arch

Charlie: "VAGGIE!” (grinning) “H-hi!!!"

Vaggie: (smiling) (melting) "Hey, sweetie." (hesitates) "…one second?"

Charlie: "? Okay!!!!!!"

Vaggie: (turns to Carmilla) "Can I hug you."

Carmilla: "You may."

Vaggie: (hugs her stiffly) "Thank you."

Charlie: (also quickly hugging them both) “I don’t know why exactly but thank you so much too!” (backs off again) "Sorry!"

Carmilla: (smiling) (hugs vaggie back warmly) "Enough.” (pushing away) “Go, now. Fight."

Vaggie: "I will.”

Vaggie: (turning to Charlie) (taking her hands) "I always will."

Charlie: (grinning) “With me? As partners?”

Vaggie: “And for you. For as long as you want, and longer. You’ve-” (voice breaks) “… you’ve been stuck with me for while already, Charlie Morningstar.”

Charlie: (tearing up) “So’ve you. And I will too. Um.” (blinking hard) “Vaggie… Morningstar?”

Vaggie: (choked laugh) “Getting ahead of the ceremony, babe, but yeah. Almost.”

Charlie: “Okay.” (sniffling) (Smiling) “Then- oh, thanks Razzle. Uh.” (at vaggie) “Gimme one sec?”

Vaggie: “Take as many as you want, it’s our ceremony after all.”

Charlie: “R-right.” (quickly dabs at eyes with handkerchief Razzle gave her before handing it back) “Then, um, that’s enough ceremony for me, to be honest. You’re enough- you’re all I wanted out of this whole wedding thing anyway, Vaggie.”

Vaggie: “…yeah?”

Charlie: “Yes.”

Vaggie: “Same. I- yeah… you..” (clears throat) “Same here.”

Charlie: “Yeah..?”

Vaggie: “Yes.”

Sir Pentious: “Awwwww.”

Sir Pentious: “…..ah.”

Sir Pentious: (shuffling note cards) “Ah, ahhh… errhm… wasss that, in the vowsss?”

Charlie: (giggling) “Well it is now~”

Vaggie: “Whoops.”

Sir Pentious: “Ah, my apologiessss !” (shuffling frantically) “I- I musssst have missssed, the update- ah, errr-”

Charlie: (laughing) “You didn’t miss anything, Pen, don’t worry!”

Vaggie: “Go ahead Pentious.” (squeezes Charlie’s hands) “We’re ready.”

Charlie: “Heh.” (squeezes back) “We.” (still kinda crying)

Sir Pentious: “Oh yess! Hmmm.”

Sir Pentious: (stares at disorganized notes)

Sir Pentious: “Dearly damned and other demons, sinners, winners, whatevers! We are gathered here today to…! To….” (flips card) “…to kiss- the, ah… brides?”

Angel Dust: “What, kiss them? ALL of us assholes? That’ll take a bit.” (ginning) “Hold onto ya lips, toots!”

Husk: “Pass.”

Alastor: “I must most strenuously decline, ha ha~!”

Niffty: “KISS THE BRIDES! KISS THE BRIDES!” (giggling)“Your death swift would be SWIFT and BRUTAL! And go GREAT with the decorations!”

Cherri: (cackling) (hollering) “You better not, Penny, you’d better not!”

Sir Pentious: “N-NO CHERRI I SSSSWEAR I WOULD NEVER-!”

Sir Pentious: “Oh… ah…”

Sir Pentius: “…they sssseem to be preoccupied with each other, in any case… erm.”

Sir Pentious: “Congratulassshtionsss?”

Charggie: (thumbs up) (still kinda kissing) (still kinda laughing and crying too)

meanwhile

Lucifer in the background: (HOWLING TEARS OF JOY INTO HIS HAT)

Ozzie: (same situation but with Fizzie instead of a hat)

Carmilla: (stiffly but sympathetically patting them both on the head)

Clara & Odette: (waving a pair of lesbian and bisexual flags & holding up a 10/10 score card respectively)

Clara: “…”

Clara: “…what about the rings?”

KeeKee: (walks over) (WRETCHES) (licks paw) (walks off)

Clara & Odette: (stare blankly)

Clara: “…… did the demon cat just cough up their wedding bands.”

Odette: “Apparently.”

Clara: “Aww. That’s really gross.”

Odette: “Don’t be homophobic at the gay wedding, Clara.”

Clara: “I’d never be homophobic at OUR sister’s marriage, Oddy.” (elbows her) “You know what this means?”

Odette: “Finally you are not my default favorite sister. I have to actively choose you, and the privilege can be revoked.”

Clara: “And mom can’t guilt us about wanting to walk a daughter down the aisle anymore.”

Odette: “….”

Odettte: (revises her score cards to say 100/10 instead)

[tubesock86]

2023 spike