#all in all: dating sucks man how do people wade through all this

[nightmarist]

Not to have the pettiest of complaints but I was reminded: I’ve been “scolded” by people interested in me being told “you think you’re so cool :/” and it’s both funny and really annoying.

I assume it’s because I keep people at what I feel is a respectable distance in general and, well, I act overtly polite nearly to the point of theatrics. I can totally understand my brand of personality just isn’t people’s cup of tea, I’m extremely slow in the race so to speak, but it’s always people I’ve only known for like. Maybe 6 months who complain about it. I’m sorry but 6 months (especially talking just once or twice a week at most) is nowhere near enough for me to be genuinely vulnerable around you.

If you mean arrogant than I’m genuinely sorry to come across that way but frankly I think I deserve to be a bit overtly confident without having to explain myself. I was raised “old fashioned” with certain etiquette. Of course I’m going to be, again my version of, a Respectable Distance.

Likewise people I meet talk about “old fashioned” dating and courtship, how much they love pining and pride&prejuduce hand scene and Victorian ankle jokes until they meet someone with the weird countenance of a 1890s Victorian fop with intimacy issues that prefers long play courtship over short term dating. I’m sorry but you can’t speed run my affections within an hour and half, and I’m totally fine walking away from anyone who tries.

When I meet new people I’m going to act different than when I’m around my best friends of 10 years bc I’ve known them for Ten Years. I always assumed that’s. Normal. It’s so wild to me when people are jealous of my relationship with my friends. And even with them I’m a theatrical dandy with a few more swear words and modern colloquialisms. Overall I’m going to act like an anachronic dandy and I neither care nor want to change that, the General Public is a sometimes enamored by it and sometimes put off by it, my usual bank teller calls me dapper and a rando in McDonald’s called me a heathen so like. What about it.

Anyway nothing particularly hurtful or anything, just a few stand out encounters out of a few dozen over the years

[lindszeppelin]

Austin isn’t who I thought he was if he’s too pussy to tell a 22 year old girl he’s unhappy with her and go his own way and the longer he decides to stay the less bad i feel for him. cindy isn’t a good enough excuse either anymore tbh. you’re a grown man and your girlfriends mom scares you¿ same for Randy becauz i think austin deserves more criticism than he gets for for palling around with and hugging and laughing with a known sexual harasser knowing he’s being photographed. What message does that send to your fans that are female?  To your sister and female family members? your female publicist that has to be around who you hang around?

At some point we have to accept the loss for what it is and accept that as long as he gets to fuck a model he doesn’t care if she’s annoying//is happy in own misery. There are plenty of actors out there with standards to be a fan of unless he decides to wake up soon. He made his bed. 

I feel like I gotta step up right now, because i don't agree with what you said and how you framed it. It's easy to see someone like Austin who is this larger than life person in Hollywood and project a fantasy. But let me humanize him for a hot minute here, it's important. Sit down with a snack because this is gonna be another LindsTalk.

Austin isn't a pussy. This is an extremely nuanced situation of dynamics between people. And I am giving Austin the benefit of the doubt about Rande, because it would be odd for him to know that. Her family certainly wouldn't bring that up in conversation. Rande's sexual harassment is either a niche fact that you're aware about or you aren't. Being fans as we are and seeing who he dates, the facts about her family is stuff that we on the internet are privy to. But Austin probably has no clue about it.

I think your framing of Austin being this scared little boy who is too much of a pussy to leave a 22 year old and allows himself to be around a sexual harrasser is unfair to make. Austin, like all of us as humans, have hangups from childhood and the past that play into how he moves through his life. He is trying to figure out who he is as a rising actor, he's trying to assess his career moves, he's only 32 and his past dictates that he clearly has wounding from his childhood around connectivity, family, and relationships. Allow him to sort though his baggage. He is kind, and sweet, loving. Honestly that man is too good for the likes of Hollywood. And he is the perfect prey for people to use him for their own benefit. Anybody at any age can fall victim to bad mistakes and bad people. When you're in quicksand it's hard to escape, but it's not impossible. And he can do it on his own time when he's ready.

Is being with Kaia his best match and is she good for him? No, anybody with eyes and a functioning brain can see this. But a lot of us have been with someone in our past that wasn't good for us but through whatever reasons we stick it out longer than needed. Failure is a massive fear for people. Breakups are hard and messy and can affect people differently. He is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Is he responsible for his own actions? Yes. We just have to let him wade through the waters and sift through whatever it is he has to sift through.

To wrap this up, I will always be here for Austin and be his advocate because I understand his sensitivities and I see him for who he is as a person. He is not perfect, nobody is. Even your favorite actors are not perfect, they are flawed humans. And while I hope that you can stick with Austin and be excited for the wonderful career he's going to have, nobody can force you to stay here if you are tired of the bullshit. Because hell yeah this shit is fucking exhausting seeing a good person be sucked into a bad relationship But I will never throw in the towel on Austin. He is a rare person that comes around once in a lifetime. All i can say to you is to give him grace. And if it's too much for you and you really think Austin is a pussy then enjoy another fandom to be apart of.

[dukeofankh]

i LOVE your post re male sexuality / ex christian recovery.

i debated whether to comment bc it’s an extremely personal topic, you know how strangers love to be overly familiar, but man your post really slaps!!

i went through a similar process as a man. and i think most men are somewhere on that road as well, even if many get lost. but you’ve clearly achieved this clarity and confidence, really pushed through a tangle of guilt and reactivity that is so confusing and horrible to live with, and i think that’s so cool.

gay guys prob have it a bit easier bc less of the standard messaging/dogma really applies to us, plus our male sexuality is mutually enjoyed — easier to find pride when it’s reflected back at you so self-evidently positive. if that makes sense.

basically, massive props to you for wading through it with women. that’s gotta be WAY harder imo. bigger cultural “predator” messaging, less familiarity, less simplicity. much less support available for healing bc so many people STILL buy the dogma.

wow long message, my bad. just saying i’m really impressed. you’ve got a solid foundation now for incredibly fulfilling relationships and you’re making the most of it. awesome!!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I've been getting so much positivity from this and it has honestly entirely shocked me.

I definitely feel like I'm still working at it, and I'm fully in my thirties, so it's a lot longer of a path than I ever thought it would be when I stopped believing in god and thought "well, good thing I'm putting all this I Kissed Dating Goodbye crap behind me."

In addition to just revelling in the praise (which I am working to accept and celebrate, considering how readily and openly as I would have internalized it if it had been criticism) I do also wanna respect and commiserate the connection between multiple identities and our experiences, because I've been getting so many different sorts of people seeing themselves in this post.

Your experience as a gay guy makes so much sense. I'm so happy you get to have that direct reflection of your own desire within your partner. An ally against self-loathing. Both a willing and eager recipient of your sexual hunger and someone who expresses that hunger right back.

I've also been hearing from trans women who have to still deal with the socialized self hatred that they've struggled to unlearn even after transitioning.

I've been hearing from cis wlw who have had to unlearn feeling like a predator, a wolf hidden among sheep.

I've heard from transmascs struggling to move past the fruitless task of trying to navigate the perceived dissonance between pure cinnamon roll queerness and evil, predatory masculinity.

And I do also want to give a shoutout to women who suffered the womens end of purity culture in a very straightforward way, the learned fear, the slut shaming, and who are telling me that they just...hadn't ever heard this side of it before. I love finding people who understand where I'm coming from, but I also deeply cherish when people get the chance to share and build community with people who have different perspectives. I've learned a lot from their stories over the years, and getting to share mine as well is lovely.

Like, it does suck for everyone. We do not like this system. I love that we can find community and solidarity in our struggle with something that has caused us so much pain, even as it takes all these different forms.

I know I did tell someone pretty early on that I am zeroed in on the masculine experience of this system, mainly because I was worried about that experience being erased and subsumed into a very different conversation but that hasn't happened, and it's made me feel really great.

Thank you!

[themaskstayson]

Since I have no one to talk to about this Deadpool fanfic I'm writing, imma just post it here to get it off my chest.

Trans!Deadpool cause I wanna write something that hurts and be very queer.

Okay! SO!!!

It's a trans AU where Wade powers won't allow HRT and he never got to transition before getting cancer and his powers. And while he can still look masculine enough, the Avengers still misgender him cause they're jerks. The idea is how some cis people will misgender trans people that they hate cause "they don't deserve it". I plan on adding another trans character that the Avengers do gender correctly and there will be some drama on that. It might be Spidey cause 2ish years ago my plan was to write t4t Spideypool and then I got sucked into COD fandom for too long and then BG3.

Spider-Man doesn't misgender him, he's kind of part of the Avengers in this AU but not really and I think imma have Daredevil and Moon Knight be part of Spidey's "crew" since in the comics they all are kind of are meh about the Avengers. Like yeah they'll help the team out but mostly cause they're in the neighborhood.

I'm leaning towards Moon Knight was part of the Avengers and got kicked out because of the shit he pulled. Also I'm leaning towards Spidey and Moon Knight dating cause why the fuck is this line of thought canon:

LIKE MARC HAD TO HAVE THOUGHT THEY DATED ON SOME LEVEL TO THINK THIS! BTW this run is trash, do not read, I'm suffering through it just for more Moon Knight content. (Like I get it's a joke but I'm RUNNING with it)

I also am one of the very few people that ship Moon Knight and Deadpool and something about that pairing fuels me but tbh I ship Wade with almost anyone just to think about him. BUT I don't want this fic to be just about romance, like it'll happen cause I'm a sucker for romance drama, but I want Wade to have friends that care about him.

Like stomaching your coworker heroes being transphobic to be civil cause you got your dream job finally and feeling like your worth as a human being be in the gutter while also having low self-esteem totally sucks. And Wade doesn't have that many friends and the few he does use him like he has no feelings cause he makes so many jokes. Honestly I'll probably have him fall in love with his friends to get the drama going but probably will settle for them being polyamorous cause Wade deserves all the boyfriends

Anyways, I decided to combine another Deadpool fic I started where he was on secret mission and he was a stripper LOLOL so I'm moving some of those ideas over but instead of Wade being excited to be a pretty boy, Wade is depressed cause he's a lady stripper who "looks like Barbie with depression".

[j3st3r-13]

bars,brawls and brotherhood

hey, @bedazzledroach i’m your valentines @gtavfest art swap buddy, i wrote about Trevor/Lamar platonic hangout. this is pretty wholesome in my view however there is mentions of referenced drug use and references to to sex lmao

hope you like it  and happy valentines day :)

pairing: platonic Lamar/Trevor 

word count: 2452 words

summary: Lamar’s bored and thats never good for anybody, especially Franklin as it leaves him to clear up Lamar’s mess, but one fateful night Lamar goes in search of a certain hillbilly to entertain him, Lamar shouldn’t be surprised to realise it ends up in drunken chaos

The bass shakes the dirty floor, and Trevor can still hear the strippers gossiping even over the shitty club music he has blaring so loud that Wade is starting to go deaf. He groans and adjusts his forever-stained sweatpants. He rises to his feet, slowly with his back cracking and re-stretching, maybe he was getting old… but he wouldn't retire like that fat fuck Mikey. 

Fuck him 

The meth head now risen to his full height began scouring the dingy office behind the unicorn for his trusty pipe. He looked under porn mags, fast food wrappers, and files, and rifled through draws. His fingertips brushed the cool glass, and he let his scared lips twitch upwards. He packed the bowl and lit up until the smoke filled all the cracks that fucking Mikey boy had left on his psyche. The meth made him feel whole and undamaged, the aura  of bliss was shattered in the back room by the shrill tone emitting from his cracked IFruit.

“What?” 

“Hey crazy, wanna get a drink fool?”

“You askin’ me on a date Lamar?” teased the now high redneck,

“Oh yeah, I'm gonna suck yo dick and everything.”

“Where do you wanna meet me, princess? Alleyway?”

“Fuck you, ill be at your titty bar in like 10 fool.”

Trevor's phone let out a beep signifying that Lamar had hung up, the psychopath took one last hit from the well-used pipe before strolling out to the bar with his usual swagger. Nikki was working the bar rather than the floor. She went red at the sight of him, no doubt last Wednesday? Thursdays? Team bonding exercise had been in her head, right at the forefront,  from how she gazed at him. Trevor sent her a sultry wink, dropped down onto the stool, and waited for his buddy. Nikki bent over to grab him a bottle giving him a goood view of her ass, and as she approached her boss he spoke with a hushed tone, “You wanna get outta here, Uncle T?”

“Agh, as much as I wanna sugar, I'm waiting on my buddy.” 

Nikki pouted before leaving him in the hopes to score some more tips from the other bewitched patrons. He watched her in action, batted eyelashes, licked lips, allowing good views of her bra… it was how she worked. How his ma worked. Memories of his mother flooded his brain until a firm hand landed on his shoulder and a laugh escaped Lamar.

“Jesus homie, I wanted to get out to hang out with some fool, but if you gonna be chasing these bitches then fuck, imma head back to my place.”

“They aren't bitches Lamar,” Trevor hissed before his anger simmered down and he spoke again with a lighter tone “could be like your and F’s Threesome, where your di-”

“Come on, homie you ever gon let that go!”

Trevor laughed at Lamar's reaction before gesturing for a beer for his “homie”  once the chilled bottle rested in the gangbangers grasp, he muttered, “what's cracking withchu you fucking weirdo?”

“You know, fuckin’,smokin’ fightin’, shootin’ you get it right buddy?”

“Course dog, I'm like a jungle cat, like a panther, I've got this magnetic thing that attracts people yanno?”

Trevor chuckled under his breath and assured the younger man that he fully understood, he finished the rest of his bottle, and then like magic, Nikki had replaced it in less than a second.

Lamar was quiet for a moment before almost awkwardly muttering “so, um since you all up in this mentorship thing/role model/inspiration tip with the homie franklin. I was wondering, you know, why don't you give an up-and-comer the game?”

“yeah…sure you know what professor t’s gon give you a lesson, loyalty- fuck everything else.”

“Like only going to burger shot?”

“Like your brothers are your crew, without them? You're nothing.”

“Well, Frank aint that good of a student if he leaving me on the road to hang with you motherfuckers.” Lamar shot back, clearly irritated by his homies becoming more distant so he chugged the bottle and was brought another by faithful Nikki. 

“Michael doesn't impart the same value system as me.”

“That clear ya weirdo, isn't that the guy that you love at first sighted?”

“Ohhh yes, my dear friend, that's the fat sack of shit I love at first sighted.”

“Fuck man, I dont wanna make you stop acting normal so you wanna get drunk as fuck”

“You read my mind.” With that Trevor called for a bottle of vodka to be brought to the two tattooed men, lamar and Trevor drank a good half the bottle while exchanging stories, quips, and insults. It reminded him of Micheal before the sun melted away his spine.

Trevor let out a shout of laughter at Lamar's reactions, the gangbanger had a much lower tolerance and was going a little green around the gills where Trevor was just starting to become a little unsteady.

Lamar fell off the stool and floundered on the floor like some sort of pissed fish, while the hillbilly howled with laughter. If Trevor did not own the bar then they would've been kicked out hours ago. Lamar cussed him out for not helping a “homie in need” before cracking up as well. Nikki raised a brow but kept the drinks coming in fear of invoking her boss's wrath.

Trevor sluggishly thrust out his hand and pulled Lamar off the dirty carpet before howling with loud laughter when Lamar stumbled and fell face-first into his chest. The gangbanger looked confused at his surroundings for a mere moment, before ripping his face away. 

“Do- dog you smell like shit!” Lamar hissed, the bite drowned in vodka and dopamine. Trevor winked and tossed him a cold- bottle of beer

That was a Mistake 

Lamar was far too drunk to catch the bottle, and the glass exploded onto the floor, with green glass shattering like shrapnel and cheap beer soaking into the carpet, unluckily for the two men something else exploded in their vicinity 

A man, wearing a horrifically ugly polo had stormed over and began yelling at the pair, spittle flying everywhere. “SHUT UP! Why the FUCK haven't you been kicked out yet!” ugly polo kept yelling even when Trevor's eyes had gone dark and the remaining humanity had fled to escape the oncoming bloodbath. His mouth split into a wide grin and his fingers absentmindedly grasped the bottle and prepared to swing. 

A smack echoed through the club, Lamar had smacked him full across the face and was now giggling like a schoolgirl.

Polo went bright red, and Trevor swore he could see steam coming out of his ears like impotent rage. There was a moment of peace and then the club exploded, and fights broke out like rashes, and chaos enveloped the men. Trevor flipped the bottle in his  grasp before swinging upwards and letting out a triumphant roar as it connected.

Polo crumbled and fell to the floor. 

Trevor's wild eyes flitted around him in search of Lamar. Lamar was fighting valiantly but due to his blood being 80% liquor, his swings were mistimed and wide. Wading through a sea of battles, Trevor balled up his fist and sent it hurtling into the men beating Lamar. 

A swift punch to the ribs had wanker one staggering away, and a strong headbutt had wankers twos nose exploding and spraying blood all over the two friends. Trevor pushed down the urge for bloodshed and scooped up Lamar. The gangbanger used him as a human crutch as Trevor dragged them outside.

The fresh air effect was instantaneous, Lamar sobered rather quickly while Trevor calmed as if the fire that violence fed had been doused with a bucket of serenity. Well as serene as it could get with Lamar spitting out blood right next to him.

“You alright down there buddy?”

“All those bitches lyin’ they want Lamar… they all want me … all of ‘em” rasped Lamar as he collapsed, falling onto the broken pavement outside the raging unicorn.

“I'll take that as a no.” mused Trevor as he dropped onto the pavement next to Lamar, resting his back against the bodhi's wheels he slung his arm over Lamar's shoulders and pulled him into a side hug, surprisingly Lamar didnt bitch about the Trevor Philips stench he just coughed before relaxing into it. If he was soberer this could have warranted a very cruel joke about him not showering but he wasn't throwing a fit so the pair remained quiet. Despite the fiasco that had just erupted he could fight the upturn twitch of his lips. He had gotten drunk with his buddy and fought straight after, the ideal Trevor Philips night.

“Whatchu smiling at you fuckin’ weird ass.”

“I saved you in there so I wanna be called sir knight trev from now on.”

“Kiss my ass white as shit knight.”

“Bend over princess.” Trevor thrust lazily in the air, making obscene gestures that would make any sailor blush, but his company was far from some old nun with a stick up her ass or some prude. His company wolf whistled badly and just encouraged it with a mouth that was more alcohol than spit, dripping blood over his green shirt.

Lamar laughed and instantly regretted it once pain shot through his ribs like fireworks. Trevor noticed and demanded to know why the wince, once told he’d been cracked in the ribs by another club goer the hillbilly raised a brow, laughed, and called him a pussy in all of about three seconds. The pair rested next to the truck alongside all the other dirt in the shit hole of a city. The rats were bigger than dogs; there was more plastic in women's tits than the sea; and the residents were fat sacks of lying shit snakes. 

Felt like home.

Sirens flooded his ears, and he lethargically raised his head so that red and blue flooded his vision. Trevor cursed and pulled his friend to his feet for the second time that night, before: dragging him to the passenger side; buckling him in; getting in his seat; buckling himself, and tearing out of the parking lot.

The Los Santos air had become bitter and cold while the moon reigned over the light-polluted skies. Lamar was incoherent and yelling, the driver laughed and swung the car around corners at alarming speeds to the joy of his passenger. Trevor sped around the cracked streets of Los Santos letting the bodhi roar and hug the streets like a koala and tree. 

A warm hand clamped down on Trevor's forearm, snapping him from his reverie instantly, his hazel eyes flitted over to his opposite seat, and let out a soft sigh the gangbanger looked uncomfortable, and slurred out “dog im gonna fuckin’ hurl if you dont cut it out.”

“Whatever you pussy,” Trevor stopped pressing so hard on the accelerator “where to dog?”

“Take me home… I ain't sure you knowin’ where the LD’s cribs such a go- a good idea…” he trailed off, seemingly slipping back into his own mind and ignoring Trevor.

“Are you fucking kidding! The nights just getting started we haven't even had an orgy or killed someone!”

“Dog what, you know what i'm ignoring that, take me to strawberry.” Trevor snarled and went to yank the wheel back to the heart of Los Santos. After realising Lamar gripped the wheel and yanked it in his direction causing the bodhi to swerve across all three lanes. Cursing Trevor rightened the truck and slammed onto the brakes. Eyes flaming like an inferno, he whipped around to face the drunken gangbanger.

“What the fuck Davis?!”

“Take.me.home! I ain't being your emotional support bitch, cause creepers pussy-whipped drive. me .home!” 

“You are fucking deranged!” hissed Trevor, shaking with a mix of rage that slowly was transformed into broken humour. He even began laughing at Lamar's shocked expression, he slammed his foot on the gas and tore away from his current resting spot. Lamar cursed and gripped the door handle as the bodhi raced down the narrow streets, overtaking cars and riding up on the sidewalks.

Trevor sped across a junction, disregarding the traffic lights and the other motors while the gangbanger yelled “when this CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER kills me I want all my shit going to chop! FUCK all those other fools! I dont want you anywhere near my whacked corpse YOU CRAZY FUCKER!”

“I thought you liked crazy driving?” giggled Trevor after Lamar had read his will out loud, and the psychopath raced across lanes.

“FUCK YOU!” cursed Lamar, while the two men argued the roads flitted by until the black man began to recognize his surroundings and their inhabitants. Completely sober and with his heart hammering as he had just snorted an entire bucket load of coke Lamar attempted to calm down with the knowledge that he wasn't far from home to comfort him.

Trevor swung the bodhi into Lamar's neighbourhood, and with a squeal of brakes and a very enthusiastic “ta-da” from the driver, they had arrived at Lamar's crib. The gangbanger punched Trevor in the arm before collapsing into his seat with rapid breaths painting his lips.

“Sooo princess… you gonna invite me in?” asked Trevor with an innocent expression that didn't match his character at all.

“Dog. you got me drunk as hell, started a brawl, and drove like a- like a - like THAT and you wanna be invited in?”

“You started that brawl actually, I saved you that's why I'm the white as-shit knight. So yes I wanna come in”

“Dog you crazy motherfucker… you got coke?.”

“Glovebox, princess, does this mean naughty naughty trevy can come in?”

 Lamar reached forward and dug through the glovebox, grimacing as his fingers grazed over used pornmags until he felt the square parcel, he pulled it out, and even in the moonlight, Lamar could make out the scraggly “coke” written in pink sharpie “Never call yourself that again, but yeah dog we can have a few lines.”

The duo left the car and began walking to Lamar's front door, Trevor tossed an arm over his shoulder and pulled him close as they walked down the front porch. Lamar didn't complain, just fished around his pockets for his keys.

The door swung open and the men walked inside, there were movie posters and a sexy girl calendar depicting the wrong month, Trevor tsked and muttered: “A few… yeah fucking right oh princess this night has just begun!”

Trevor draped himself over the couch, with his arm slung across the back and while Lamar began cutting some very generous lines, he couldn't help but agree.

[flyoverkushtaka]

Got linked to this song today by a rugby player as an example of the "dank bludgeoning noise" he's fond of music-wise. I have to respect how it really does have the quality of your brain being smashed with a hammer, though I do wonder how the OFMS would have reacted to my incorporating the sounds of hardcore gay sex into our jams. Another life, I guess.

I'm adjusting to the move. Every little difference is a new culture shock: The chilly mid-August temperatures, the confusing road signage where every rule has an exception, the lack of sycamore trees, the use of "Oh hell yeah" as an affirmation, the realization that all but one person in my cohort is using this as an opportunity to escape the South.

The men here want something from me I can't give to them. They want an accent. I don't have an accent. I have a dick that works, though, and within two days of moving in I found myself naked in a hot tub with a petit-bourgeois married couple, pleasant enough people even if when I told them I like ambient music like Brian Eno interpreted this as instrumental versions of Queen songs and served me pre-spiked Arizona teas as the house drink, then fucking the Milwaukeean on their plush one-of-two beds while his husband from LA slid his dick into his throat except for when I would lean over like a wading bird and put it into my own mouth to suck on as I continued to piston in and out of a guy with a lot of knowledge of the local gay hockey teams (there are several apparently) before flipping him over to finish the deal inside him, all crumpled up beneath me like a styrofoam cup in the hadal zone. I came and thought about how good it was to cum inside another man, how happy my penis felt in that moment. Then we parted and his husband used my cum as lube to fuck him a bit more before shooting all over his back. Not really knowing what to do and operating in a sub-intellectual mode, I started rubbing his semen into his skin like it was a kind of lotion. We talked a bit more, I learned politically disturbing things about both of them, they gave me advice about local bars, then I left, thinking about how I'd had a threesome under the full moon and how beautiful and poetic that should be.

I think it's fine if I spend my spare time for a while as a polyglot sextoy with a pulse. I can't tell anyone in the program about it, and I have to make up stupid shit about like psychogeography to keep them distracted, but I think this stuff is probably good for me. It gives me a purpose. I make other people happy. I've been on several dates since then and I've always made sure to make everyone very happy.

I'm still getting used to the sound of water rushing through pipes, the wood paneling on the walls, the preponderance of mullets, the preposterous price of wine by the glass. I'm a little disturbed no one else in the program has read or even heard of Quignard. We all I think have adjusting to do.

[borkthemork]

Drabble request: maybe Anne first presenting Marcy as her gf to her parents?

Anne's shoes scuffed the concrete. Kicked it real too to get the antsiness out of her knees.

Now, before one could think she was damaging private property, she had to add that she did this in front of her house. Why was she doing this? Well, it was because she was trying her best not to overthink this. Overthink all the questions, the answers that they needed to talk about, everything she and Marcy had to think about.

When she looked over to her left, she spotted Marcy doing the same thing — pacing the sidewalk with the same eager panic.

Man, they were really bad at this.

"It should be fine," her girlfriend said. "I mean your parents have always responded positively whenever I explained to them about queer media studies, shouldn't be any different."

"But this is a heck of a difference, Mar-mar." Dang it, even after they discussed this big time at the park, the worry had come back in full force. Almost as if karma wanted to kick them in the butt. "I mean, they always told me they'll support me, but who knows what they'll say when we actually tell them.”

She kind of wanted to delay this for another time, but Anne Boonchuy wasn't going to cower out of this, heck nah!

She was brave. She was supposed to be brave. If she didn't do this then she and Mar-mar would have to keep all this hidden for weeks, or even years. Marcy deserved better than that.

She deserved someone who could get this out of the way.

But before she could think more on this topic, Marcy's voice brought her back. All with that sweet smile of hers. A quick thumb brushed over her knuckles. "Hey, it's going to be alright. You don't have to push yourself into coming out if you're not ready."

"Yeah, but—"

She shook her head. Her hand wrapped tighter around hers, and for a second, Anne loosened to the touch, melting more into the warmth. "I know your parents, Anne. They're the kindest people this side of North LA, but you really don't have to pressure yourself into this. I can wait, honest.”

“But I tell my parents everything, you know?” Ever since last year, Anne had grown closer to her parents more than ever before. It felt odd to not say anything, especially when she hinted about her swinging a specific way. Although having a lesbian flag tucked into her closet in the hopes of her mother finding it didn’t really say communication, if she thought about it. “Plus, I don’t want you to hide yourself when you visit. I want you to be allowed to say it.”

Marcy thought about it for a second, rubbing her chin. “I’m gonna be honest. Yeah. I really do, holding hands is a serotonin boost and kissing you feels...very right."

Her smile grew at that. Her hands wrapped around Anne's, all tight, a tether between them. "But I don’t want you to feel like this is the only way to date me, okay? You don't have to follow what some romance films do, you know how unrealistic they can be.”

Anne bit her lip. “The Notebook can be cute when it wants to be.”

“Anne, we can take our time, wade the waters if we have to. I promise that I’ll be fine, I’m just worried that you’re pushing yourself into something that you’re not certain about. It’s okay if we can do this another time.”

Her thumb pressed against her skin. A soft smile broke through.

“See?” she said. “You’re shaking.”

Man. They sucked at this, big time. But Anne needed to say something. At least be honest about why she’s so strung-up and sweaty — in front of her house, no less. That’s what people do, right? Be honest and communicate their feelings?

She took in a deep breath, and exhaled it all out. Slow and steady. Relaxed and calm. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just nervous about what’ll happen regarding us, Marbles. Because after this...”

Anne looked at her shoes, kicking a stray pebble off the sidewalk. “Well, it’s gonna be official. People will know, and I’m gonna have this really cool privilege of telling everyone that you’re part of this new thing in my life. And I want to say it correctly. I don’t want to mess up.”

So, Marcy had been right all along. She was scared.

Her girlfriend didn’t remark about that however. Marcy was never the kind to be smug about something so personal, so understandably deep. She just continued to stare at her, voice small in her whisper. “Are you sure sure about this?”

She took another breath. Then nodded. “I am. Sure sure to the core.”

Their handhold tightened, Marcy’s face brighter than before. “You’re not gonna be alone in this. If all else fails we’ve got that power strut to make a strong entrance, remember?”

Anne couldn’t help but laugh. They’d been practicing the power strut for hours before this, just to get the jitters out. She had to admit, the thought of actually using it was beginning to relax her. “Yeah, let’s try it. What could possibly go wrong?”

Everything. Everything could go wrong, but yolo, right?

With that, they went down the stone path, hand-in-hand, strutting together as if they feared no tomorrow.

Until they tripped on each other’s legs and slammed face-first onto the front porch.

The coming out itself though? It went pretty well!

[transsexualhamlet]

Moriarty the Patriot + The Final Problem

aka another unecessary essay from ya boy on how yuumori, instead of taking away from the original text, adds meaning and depth to it

So I finally got around to reading the final problem after wading through all the memoirs of sherlock holmes and yes, I am in fact reading these because of yuumori. I wanted to see how it was portrayed, what the differences and influences from the original source were. I did end up getting incredibly attached to the original series too, so yeah... I'm glad to report that the original and adaption get along well.

And yeah, I have a lot of thoughts, most of them being just me generally praising yuumori. I think it was straight up genius how they pulled so much content from... well, frankly. The Final Problem was a 15 page short story tossed off by Doyle in order to have an excuse to be done with sherlock holmes, told from the perspective of someone who wasn't even there. And yuumori still managed to make it generally very accurate and complementary to the original, while still being, uhhhhh really fucking different, let's say that.

Read more because again, long essay

Just my observations on the final problem itself is that it is so underdeveloped and told from an outsider perspective. Because of that, so many questions go unanswered, and the reader gets a sense that they are only witnessing a very small part of what actually happened. Sherlock can't afford to go into detail on what Moriarty was even involved in, Watson isn't privy to what's honestly even happening most of the time, and Moriarty just... has this extensive network of organized crime that just isn't even talked about other than Trust Me It's Bad Bro. We don't know Moriarty's intentions, most of who he is, and more questions are honestly brought up than answered within the story. Sherlock knows, oh that's for sure, Sherlock knows what's going on and he has no fucking time to tell Watson. You get a sense that Watson himself isn't even telling all that went down.

So yeah, I can see where there's so much room to expand upon here, not even to change things or make it different because it would be cool, but there's so much that could be happening just within the realm of plausible deniability in the canon.

And I think that it's amazing how Yuumori chose to market itself that way- not as an adaption or reimagining- but that this was in fact the Real story, with Doyle's final problem being... honestly a bit of a cover up, a purposeful misrepresentation of a small slice of the full story. It lends itself completely to that, and I think that's amazing.

(One thing I do find funny is that in Yuumori the story "the final problem" is depicted as a full novella that could be published on its own... man it's not nearly long enough for that but I find it funny in any way)

Of course, there are elements of yuumori that are yknow, simply not realistically something that could have happened, but most of the story is actually within that range of plausible deniability since the canon is so vague and sparse. And since they state that things were changed on purpose to protect people and the moriarty plan, it basically covers that all as simply The Truth. It's well done, and very interesting, especially with the new anime ending taking them to Reichenbach itself.

Like, yuumori didn't even truly change the appearances of the characters, from the descriptions. (we're not counting the illustrations lol) like, Sherlock was never stated (as far as I can tell) to have a specific hair or eye color, hairstyle or such.... he was described as tall, thin, eccentric, messy, with like... long fingers and stuff. Man, yuumori did not go against that. With Moriarty it's different, though he was also reportedly Tall and Thin and Built Like A Yaoi Protag for some goddamn reason, he... you know, has these weird and unattractive features as well, which... in the context of Watson trying to portray Moriarty as unmitigated evil in order to protect the plan, were in this situation made up specifically to further the idea that he was just that.

Because of this situation, the Moriarty that is portrayed as yeah, a smart guy and a threat but seriously just A Bad Dude who seems to have no particular reason behind his actions save being A Bad Dude actually make more sense as a cover up behind a more dangerous secret of him having Real Feelings than the only stated reason being "he inherited being evil from his family". (like... watson, really?)

It explains the vagueness and the events and the weird connection between those two better than the original does, and that's really cool to me.

On their own, without yuumori to back me up on these things, reading this would have left me confused and depressed. But as a half truth immortalized as the real story, you get so much more out of it.

Especially these certain scenes:

When Moriarty just pops into Sherlock's house and they proceed to have a basically wordless conversation amounting to

"you know why I'm here" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "here's date and time of our mutual destruction" "thanks I'll be there" "well I'll be off nice knowing you" "wow it sucks that we're enemies he's such a civil guy"

It just really adds something to that, don't you think?

And the subject of their fall itself, simply the fact that Watson wasn't even there. No one witnessed it. No one found even Moriarty's body. No one found evidence of anything at all.

All Watson could say was that Sherlock and Moriarty had gone up to the mountain together, Moriarty told Sherlock of his plans, let Sherlock write and leave a letter to Watson, and that they never came back down. So he came to the conclusion that they must have fought and both fallen off.... like, holding each other. Not really sure how they reached that conclusion, to be honest.

It doesn't even make sense, exactly told how it is. If Moriarty wanted to kill sherlock and survive, he would have just... brought a fucking gun. Or just pushed him off on the way up. As soon as he got him alone just fucking stab the man. It would have been that easy, but no, he had a whole ass convo with the man, they went up civilly side by side, and they stayed on the cliff a long time while Sherlock wrote that letter. Even then, Sherlock could have just waited to catch Moriarty off guard and pushed him off. But he didn't.

Why would they even have fought, if it was so scheduled? You telling me to believe that after this letter was written and moriarty stood there watching him sipping tea or whatever he was suddenly like "ok im ready to fight now", knowing they would both probably die, and if they were genuinely trying to kill each other and survive, that would even make sense?

Of course, these problems in the original stem just from Doyle no longer giving a shit and slapping this together after losing motivation for sherlock, he was obviously, not hinting at some great conspiracy in the slightest.

But damn, Yuumori really does change that all for you, huh. It adds a whole new layer of context to it. And I like it a lot, I like what they've done on their own, I like what they've done for the original stories, and I especially like what they've done telling the "real story" of this short, vague, mystery that otherwise leaves you feeling unsatisfied and confused.

[css1992]

could u do more high school au's pls? I was thinking maybe rich popular peter who seems untouchable and then grungy tony who just doesnt care for appearances and hes been pining after peter his whole school life

+

could u make it so that tony is rich and everyone knows it but he just doesn't care about his money and doesnt act rich so it's one of those things that u know but dont acknowledge. also if tony's daddy issues made an appearance id be so happy ty.

I’m so sorry for the delay, but I really do hope this scratches your itch! 

***

He had that sort of beauty that almost hurt to look at. So pure and soft. Pink cheeks, small eyes that squinted when he laughed – which was often –; brown, wavy hair, so shiny and silky-looking; thin, pink lips, always stretched in a smile. He had the most beautiful smile Tony had ever seen, too. Honest and wide, happy.

He was never alone. Of course he wasn’t. He was too magnetic, there were always people drawn to his light, following him around, laughing at his jokes, making him laugh in return. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him, a scrap of his attention. And he, being the lovely human being that he was, made room for anyone who wished to bask in his light.

Jocks liked him. Peter was great at team sports, he was light on his feet and good with his hands. He wasn’t in any teams, though, claimed he didn’t have the time, but he was always picked first in P.E. group activities. Tony knew, watched him at practice way too often – from a distance, of course, as he did his stretches and sit-ups with Rhodes.

Nerds liked him, too. He was really smart, an asset to the Decathlon team, and was always willing to help anyone having trouble in class. Even the weirdos from drama club, glee club and the school band loved him – he never made fun of them, on the contrary, he was always very vocal about how talented they were and how he wished he could be a part of their clubs, too.

Girls swooned at him. He was kind and sweet, a good listener, and gorgeous. Guys weren’t immune to his charms, either. The ones Tony knew for a fact that were gay or bi didn’t even try to pretend they didn’t watch him when he walked down the halls, but even supposedly straight guys, like Steve Rogers, sneaked a peek now and then, face flushed, if he was wearing specially tight jeans.

Tony was jealous of all those people, but he learned to deal with it. He’d been, well, admiring him from a distance for years. He was used to seeing people make passes at him, ask him out. Peter was discreet, though. If he ever dated anyone, nobody ever heard anything about it. He was a mystery, Tony wasn’t even sure if he was gay, straight, bi or whatever – there were rumors that he had made out with Wade Wilson in freshman year, but neither of them confirmed or denied it. Tony hated the guy anyway.

“If you keep staring, people are gonna know you’re in love and not actually dead inside,” Rhodey spoke up right next to him, taking a huge bite of his tuna sandwich. Tony averted his gaze from Peter’s table for a minute and looked at his friend, annoyed. “It’s gonna ruin your whole aesthetic.”

“Very funny,” He rolled his eyes and looked back at Peter. There were so many people around him he could barely catch a glimpse of his smile, which was annoying.

His dad’s company, Parker Innovations, had just released a new phone a few weeks earlier, it was ridiculous how many people thought they could get one for free if they kissed his ass hard enough. At least Tony didn’t have to endure that kind of nonsense anymore. People in that school learned very early on that even though he was related to Howard Stark, he wanted nothing to do with the guy – or his company, or his money. They also learned sucking up to him did nothing but annoy him, so they kind of just forgot he existed over time and he blended right in with everyone else – a blessing in its own right.

“Rhodey is right, you’re drooling, it’s a little embarrassing,” Natasha looked at him with boredom as she nibbled on her fries. “You should just ask him out, you’ve been pining for ages.”

“I’m not pining,” he huffed, irritated, and the redhead smirked, raising a perfectly manicured brow.

“Right, yearning might be more accurate. Bruce?” She glanced at their other friend who scratched his chin, pretending to think about it.

“I think obsessing sounds more like it. Rhodey?”  

“Fuck you guys,” he barked before they could keep the game going, and all three laughed at him. Someone got up from Peter’s table and he caught a glimpse of his beautiful face, their eyes made contact for half a second and Tony looked away.

“No, but seriously, Tones. Just go talk to him, he’s a great guy, I’m sure he wouldn’t be an ass about it.” Bruce adjusted his glasses and said that like it was simple. Like he would have the guts to do it if he was in Tony’s position – he wouldn’t, he’d pined for Thor, an exchange student, for a year, and never worked up the courage to ask him out. The guy went back to Norway or whatever and Bruce never even said hi to him.

“I know, of course he wouldn’t, but I don’t wanna be one of those people begging for his attention, just look at that.” He pointed at the little crowd around him, people were almost literally fighting for his attention, the poor guy could barely finish his lunch. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you’re not them,” Natasha said that like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Tony frowned.

“How am I different?”

“You’re a certified genius, you and him have similar interests and you look hot in a ‘I’m gonna fuck  you raw in the back of my car’ kinda way. I don’t know, maybe he’s into that.” The redhead shrugged, again, saying all that like it was obvious and an unquestionable truth.

“Yeah, right, sounds just like him,” Tony scoffed.

Peter was perfect in so many ways – perfect face, perfect body, perfect grades, Tony was sure he pooped out candy or something – of course he wouldn’t go for a guy like him. He had a bad reputation, he was in detention more often than not and people in general considered him an asshole – all because he didn’t partake in their little games of social climbing or whatever. No, Peter wouldn’t go for his grungy ass. He’d probably go for all American, apple pie, boy-next-door Steve Rogers.

“No, she’s right, I’ve seen him looking at you several times.” Bruce pointed out, not for the first time, and Tony scoffed.

“Oh, yeah? When?”

“AP chemistry class. I’m his lab partner, remember?” How could Tony forget? As Mr. Erskine called out their names, Tony prayed to a God he didn’t even believe in that he’d be paired up with Peter, but no such luck. “He stares at you whenever he has a chance or an excuse. You know, when you blow things up, for example.”

“Yeah, which is why he must stare, he must be afraid for his life.” Tony hated to admit that he was way more prone to causing explosive accidents when Peter was in the room. It was fucking embarrassing.

He sighed, drinking the last of his coke. No matter what his friends said, he knew he didn’t stand a chance with Peter. He was… Untouchable. He was too good for him, Tony wasn’t even sure he’d want to taint him if he had a chance –  no, scratch that, he definitely would.

He chose to watch him from afar, allowing himself a few fantasies and daydreams. He had this really stupid and lame one, where he walked up to Peter in the hall, people just parted to let him through, then he gave him his trademark, lopsided grin and asked him out. Peter smiled brightly up at him, holding his books to his chest, cheeks flushed, eyelashes fluttering as he whispered a shy “yes” and leaned up to kiss him. Yeah. That was the whole fantasy.

Peter was so untouchable to him that he didn’t even dare to dream further than that. Of course when he was alone in his room, late at night, relieving himself, a few… less pure fantasies popped up unsolicited, but he felt so guilty then, dirty even, like he was disrespecting him somehow. It was all very confusing, but he still came, shamefully, to the thought of his beautiful face scrunched up in pleasure as dream-Tony fucked him.

The bell rang and everyone hurried to get to their next period, Peter was no different, he gathered his things and stood up, looking around the cafeteria like he was looking for someone. Their eyes met again for a second, but Tony quickly looked away, grabbing his backpack in a hurry to leave.

It was Thursday, the worst day of the week for him, none of his friends were free to hang out with him until later, so he either had to head home and deal with Howard or he had to find somewhere to be for a couple of hours, until Rhodey was done with football practice so they could go to his place. That day, Tony decided to just stay by his car, smoking a cigarette and singing along to Black Sabath’s Iron Man, it wasn’t like he had anywhere to go. He was so distracted watching the smoke dissipate into thin air that he didn’t notice when someone approached, and jumped almost a foot in the air when they spoke.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting caught smoking on school grounds?” Tony almost dropped dead when he registered the angelic voice. He was already having a heart attack as it was, but the boy was so close and he had that beautiful smile in place, blushing cheeks and all. It took almost a full minute for him to calm himself down.  

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” The older teen answered when he finally found his voice and got his breath under control enough not to make a fool of himself. Peter smiled wider, biting his lower lip.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He fake whispered, leaning a little into the older boy’s space and he almost choked on nothing. Peter’s smell was inebriating, expensive and sweet, but not overly so – perfect. He recomposed himself quickly, though, and nodded, but didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t sure why Peter was talking to him and, frankly, he was too fucking nervous to think of anything cool to say. The younger teen deflated a little faced with Tony’s silence; he looked around, seeming a little lost. “You’re Tony, right?”

Fuck, the way he said his name. His name. It was fucking music to his ears, the most beautiful tune. But how did he even know his name? Sure, he was Tony Stark, so not really anonymous, but people often forgot about it.

“Yeah. And you’re Peter.” Tony didn’t play games, he didn’t even try to pretend like he didn’t know who Peter was. It would be dumb anyway, everybody knew him. The other boy nodded shyly, it looked like he wanted to say something else, but he kept biting his lips and looking around nervously. Tony frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“No. I mean, yeah, sure, it’s fine, it’s just, uhm. I have a flat tire and the wheel bolts are really tight and I couldn’t get them off, so I thought – I mean, could you, uh –“ He gestured wildly as he stuttered out his answer, looking in the general direction of his flashy, cherry red sports car. “I mean, it’s okay if you’re busy, but I –“

“Sure, I’ll help, don’t worry.” Tony threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it. He was a little more at ease now that he knew why Peter was talking to him – he just needed help – and the best thing was, Tony was really good with cars. Of course, one didn’t need to have a PhD in mechanics to change a tire, but it still made him feel really good that he would be able to help properly.

“Thanks, you’re a life saver.” The chirpy attitude was back, as well as the smile, it made Tony’s heart flutter. He nodded sharply, looking away from his face, and gestured for Peter to lead the way.

When they reached his car, Tony whistled lowly, crouching down to look at the completely flat tire, as he tried to find the source of the problem. He was surprised to notice a two-inch cut on the surface of it, and it didn’t seem accidental.

“Fuck, Peter, it looks like someone sliced your tire.” When he looked up at the younger boy, he didn’t look surprised, but nervous. It was an odd reaction. Tony wondered if Peter already knew that – maybe he knew who did it and was scared of them? It made Tony’s blood boil. Why would anyone do that to Peter?

“Wh-what? How do you know that?” He bit his lower lip nervously, scratching his arm, and Tony frowned, worried.

“Here, look.” He gestured for Peter to crouch down next to him and pointed at the cut. “This is clearly a stab mark. Judging by the size and shape of it, I’d say this was probably done with a pocketknife.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. Clearly.” He face-palmed, like he felt stupid, maybe for not seeing it before, but Tony still worried.

“If you want, I could go with you to the administration. We can ask them to check the security cameras. I think that one might have caught whoever did this.” He pointed at a security camera nearby, Tony knew where all of them were in the parking lot area – he’d been caught smoking way too many times not to know.

“What? There are –? I mean, look, it’s okay, it’s probably just someone trying to play a prank, it’s no big deal, it’s fine.” He stood up quickly, shaking his head, and Tony was positive he felt threatened somehow, he was acting so weird.

“If you’re sure… But if you change your mind, I’ll go with you, ok?” Tony stood up and took off his leather jacket. The weather was nice, just a bit chilly, so he was wearing a thin, white t-shirt with short sleeves underneath. He thought he heard Peter’s breath hitch for a second, but it was probably just his imagination. “Can you hold this for me?” He held out his jacket and the boy blushed, blinking rapidly.

“S-sure.”

Tony bit his bottom lip to refrain from asking, again, if everything was fine. Peter looked so freaking nervous, he was even sweating a little at the temples. Tony was positive he knew who did that to his car, but didn’t want to tell him for some reason. Maybe he wanted to protect whoever did it, maybe it was a boyfriend, or an ex. He gritted his teeth, hands closing in fists, but didn’t say anything, just crouched down and got to work.

The first bolt came off easily, it wasn’t tight at all, so he thought maybe Peter had already loosened it when he tried earlier. The second and third ones came off just as easily, though, only the fourth one was a little trickier, but nothing the younger teen couldn’t have handled himself. Tony thought maybe he hadn’t tried too hard, maybe he was afraid the person who did that would show up or something. He was so glad he was there to help, he wondered if Peter felt safe with him around, and the thought made him feel oddly proud and protective of him.

He made quick work of changing the tires, making sure not to screw the bolts too tight, then put the sliced one in the trunk of the car. When he turned around to look at Peter, he was looking intently at him, almost hypnotized, holding his jacket close to his chest like it was a puppy.

“All done.” Tony smiled and the boy seemed to snap out of a trance.

“Oh, thank you so much, really, you’re too kind.” He smiled broadly and the older teen scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Don’t mention it.” They were silent for a few seconds after that, but Peter kept holding his jacket and didn’t make any move to give it back to him. “Uhm, could I–?” He gestured towards the jacket and again the boy jumped up in surprise.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, here.” He handed it to him and quickly crossed his empty arms over his chest. “So, uhm,… Your dad is having a gala this weekend, right? Are you gonna be there?” Ah, so Peter did know who he was, not just his first name. The older teen leaned against the car and stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging.

“Not if I can help it.” He smirked, trying to act cool, but now that he didn’t have anything to do with his hands, he was growing nervous.

“Oh,” Peter looked… disappointed? He dropped his gaze to the floor, shuffling his feet, and Tony stood up straight, frowning.

“Why?”

“Nothing, it’s just – my parents are going, so I thought I’d tag along to, you know... but it’s okay.” He kicked an imaginary rock and avoided Tony’s eyes. The older teen stared at him with wide eyes, heart beating fast – what was the end of that sentence? Peter couldn’t possibly mean–

“I don’t – what, you’d go to, like, hang out with me or something?” He felt stupid when he stumbled on the words, but Peter didn’t seem to notice, his cheeks were burning red and he was looking anywhere else but at Tony.

“I mean, you must have much better things to do, of course, I was just –” He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head, finally looking up at Tony. “Sorry, just forget about it, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No, wait!” He rushed to interrupt him and Peter looked back at him with huge, Bambi eyes. Tony coughed awkwardly, blushing a little. “I mean, like, uhm… If you – would you wanna go as my date? To the gala?” He blurted out, finally, because what the hell. The worst that could happen was Peter say no, and he could deal with it. He would survive, for sure. It wouldn’t be a big deal. Really. It wouldn’t.

But he didn’t say no, he smiled broadly, eyes twinkling in excitement.

“I’d love to!” He answered quickly, and Tony’s heart fluttered, Peter looked genuinely happy.  “Could you – uhm, text me what color of tie you’ll be wearing? If you want! I understand if you think it’s lame, but I thought–”

“No, it’s fine.” His heart was beating so loud, Peter Fucking Parker wanted to coordinate ties with him, it was fucking corny and cliché and he loved it. “Uhm, here, give me your number.” He fished his phone from his back pocket and gave it to the younger teen.

“Cool.” Peter typed in his number and as soon as he gave his phone back, Tony sent him a smiley face so he would have his number, too. “Cool, cool, cool...” He rocked on the balls of his feet and looked around, like he was looking for something else to say.

“So… Do you have to be home soon or…?” Tony stuck his hands in his pockets again, wondering if maybe he was pushing his luck, but Peter shook his head quickly.

“Not really, no, my parents don’t really mind what time I get home as long as I let them know. You?”

“They don’t really care.” He shrugged, taking one step closer to Peter. “So… are you hungry, by any chance?”

“I’m starving.” He nodded, looking up at Tony in anticipation. It drove the butterflies in his stomach crazy.

“I know a place where they serve great burgers. We could go in my car and I could drop you off here on our way back, I’m just a little worried someone is gonna try to fuck up your car again. I mean, what if they’re targeting you or something?” Just the mention of what happened earlier made Peter nervous. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket and shook his head.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’s fine.” He didn’t look worried, though, at least not anymore.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, trust me, I am.” Tony found the sudden change odd, but thought maybe he was just trying to play it cool, so he let it go.  

“Okay, then, c’mon, my car is right there,” Tony gestured to his car and Peter smiled, taking his hands off his pockets. When he did, though, something slipped out and fell to the ground with a metallic noise. Tony quickly crouched down to get it for him, when he noticed what it was. “Wh – is that…?” He frowned, examining the pocketknife as if it was alien material. He was confused at first, because Peter didn’t seem like the kind of guy to carry one around, but then it dawned on him. When he looked at the younger teen, his face was so red it looked like he was about to explode.

“Uhm… If I told you I’ve never seen this before in my life would you believe it?” He chuckled nervously, scratching his arm, as Tony stood up. The older teen raised a brow at him.”Sorry, I just – I wanted an excuse to talk to you.” He said quietly, dropping his gaze.

“You know, you could have gone with the weather or whatever.” Tony answered, amused, and it made the younger boy look up at him.

“You’re just very intimidating,” He looked at him with huge, scared eyes, and Tony cocked his head to the side.

“Me?” He raised a brow.

“Yeah.” Peter answered pointedly, and Tony smirked, offering him his knife back.

“You do realize you just sliced your own tire so you’d have an excuse to talk to me, right? And I’m intimidating?” He joked, but Peter didn’t seem to find it funny. He winced and covered his face with his hands, clearly embarrassed.

“You must think I’m such a freak,” He groaned, voice muffled by his palms.

“Hey, hey, yes, I do think you’re a freak.” He grabbed Peter’s thin wrists and marveled at how perfectly they fit in his hands. He definitely saved that thought for later. “But you’re a really cute one.” He grinned and Peter chuckled, a delicate flush rising onto his cheeks.

“I feel stupid.” He admitted, worrying his bottom lip, but Tony shook his head, working up the nerve to cup Peter’s face in his hand.

“I feel flattered,” He said, honestly, and Peter’s breath hitched. He stared up at Tony, eyelashes fluttering, moist, pink lips slightly open. The older teen leaned down slowly and when the Peter closed his eyes, their lips touched. Just like in his fantasies, Peter tasted sweet, his lips were soft and his arms circled Tony’s neck in a warm embrace. When they parted, Tony smiled down at him, stroking his blushing cheek. “Just promise that if this doesn’t work out you won’t, like, key my car or something.”

“Oh, God,” he groaned, but they both laughed out loud, as they walked hand in hand across the parking lot.

[spideypoolbigbang]

SPBB 2020 Masterlist

Title: All Cats are Grey in the Dark 

 Author: mayatheyellowbee 

 Artist: Cheermione 

 Rating: Explicit 

 Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence 

 Word Count: 28,511 

Summary: Peter is a Witcher, hired to kill Deadpool, another monster hunter gone rogue. But when he meets his target, he realizes there is more behind Deadpool’s recent killing spree than what he’s been led to believe. Despite their diverging opinions on the subject of murder, they have to put their differences aside to face a monster far worse - and more human - than any they’ve ever fought before.

Fic Masterpost | Art Masterpost

__________

Title: The Past, the Present, and the (im)Possible Future

Author: Jennicide — AO3 and Tumblr

Artist: WaterMe — AO3 and Tumblr

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 44,833

Summary: Peter B. Parker drops back into his crapshoot reality after a little detour to an alternate universe. He thinks he might have finally figured out how to make it work again with MJ, but he forgets that there’s still that infamous ‘Parker Luck’ to contend with. (Un)Fortunately for him, there’s a totally available Deadpool on his side of the multiverse who’s been waiting years for a chance to pick him up!

Fic Masterpost | Art Masterpost

__________

Title: A Year in the Gallery

Author: Princess_Breetlejuice

Artist: TheLazyDrawer

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Word Count: 43,579

Summary: Wade is kidnapped by a strange man who has a very peculiar job offer. While he’s skeptical, the man promises to compensate Wade very generously for the use of his body. Sounds [sketch], but Wade is all for easy money, and it’s not like he has anything better to do right now.

And really, what’s the worst that can happen?

(Or: Peter is an immortal sex demon with a penchant for sadism, and Wade is about to learn he can endure unimaginable agony with a smile.)

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Title: Anchored 

Author: @jolinarjackson​

Artist: @violettavonviolet 

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Implied/referenced homicide, implied/referenced character death 

Word Count: 34,999

Summary: In a world in which Empaths are common and their gifts considered useful, Peter, as an Empath, is an outsider because his gift is irreversibly broken. Unable to initiate physical contact with anyone, Peter lives isolated and is forced to keep the few people in his life at a distance. His only escape is going out on patrol as Spider-Man and the friendship he developed with Deadpool as his alter ego. Peter’s life changes dramatically when he and Deadpool accidentally touch, resulting in an unexpected Empathic bond that goes against everything Peter knows about his Broken Empathy. While trying to figure out what exactly is going on between them, Peter and Wade also join forces to stop a serial killer who seems to have taken up residence in New York, unaware that Spider-Man is one of his intended targets.

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Title: When We’re 40

Author: doctoring (AO3)

Artist: Chez (Tumblr)

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No AO3 Warnings Apply

Word Count: 61,241

Summary: Peter B. Parker returns from the multiverse to find out that Mary Jane has moved on and is engaged to be married. Feeling that he’s been left behind in life, Peter agrees to a marriage pact with Wade, mainly just to get his dinner back that Wade’s been holding hostage. The deal sets the two men off on a year-long journey of navigating their feelings for each other and what a ‘significant other’ really means. Eventually, they both realize that they don’t want just a silly little marriage pact, but something more real and meaningful with each other. Too bad they’re not the best with admitting their feelings.

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Title: Sympathy for the Hurricane

Author: meinposhbastard (AO3, tumblr)

Artist: thatbanananana (tumblr)

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 27,702

Summary: Peter has never been more scared in his entire life. He’s on the run, and the last place he should take refuge in is the Trenches, the deepest and most dangerous place of the Atlantic Ocean. But he’s desperate. If they catch him, it will be the end of him. The Monster of the Trenches is a creature that has been in numerous wars and has lived for a thousand years (or so the folk tales say). Peter has grown up with them, among others; this monster is that old. So Peter expects something big and formless and dark and maybe hungry for siren flesh. What Peter finds is a merman full of scars, a tragic past befitting them, and kindness.

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Title: Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun

Author: Klaus

Artist: Zet

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death, Angst, torture, blood and gore, experimentation, psychological torture, established relationship, canon typical violence and language.

Word Count: 12,382

Summary:

“Cold white walls, keep you from your pad and pen 

You just wanna stab again 

I can’t believe it’s half this hard You never knew your mind was dark, no!“ 

Peter Parker, self-proclaimed superhero and honestly a nice guy, finds himself locked within the confines of a top-secret definitely not legal medical facility. Maybe it was the kicks to his head, or possibly the chains that kept him hogtied in the back of the vehicle, or even the horrible experimentation was done to his body but something tells him that he is in a No Good Very Bad Place. 

Not that he can really feel much of the pain anymore. He didn’t realize he was falling perfectly in place for these doctors’ nefarious plans and now he can’t think much of anything anymore. He’s following orders. He’s here for Shield, right? The doctors tell him he’s doing good. He’s amazing. He’s Their perfect soldier and Peter can’t help but say yes to everything asked of him.

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Title: Your Friendly Neighbourhood Deadpool

Author: Nimohtar ( AO3 | Tumblr )

Artist: Princesseellie3 ( Instagram | Tumblr )

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Major Warnings Apply.

Word Count: 42,873

Summary: When Aunt May moves to the small town of Berry Hill, MA for a new job, Peter doesn’t anticipate things will change too much in his own life. That is, until he meets the town’s self-proclaimed leather-wearing, katana-wielding local hero, a.k.a Your Friendly Neighbourhood Deadpool…

A story told in snapshots of holidays, where strangers become friends, and then something more.

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Title: To You

Co-Authors: AnGoose — AO3 and Tumblr; Y_ellow — AO3 and Tumblr

Artist: PastaPapi — AO3 and Twitter and Tumblr

Betas: Atem — AO3 and Tumblr; Water — AO3 and Tumblr

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 13,653

Summary: Deadpool’s quest to make best friends with Spider-Man is a strange and convoluted thing, made all the more complicated by the letters he keeps finding in his safehouse. They’re all addressed to “Ben, Love Peter.” And they’re all just a little too on the nose regarding Spidey’s personal problem of the month. Wade isn’t going to say no to a little extra insight into how to woo his very best Spider-Friend, though.

Or, five times someone mistakes Wade’s crummiest safehouse as a post office, and one time Wade plays the sexy-mailman part in this (emotional) porno and hand delivers a letter to Spider-Man.

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Title: Lost in a Shadow of You

Author: @lunastories​ (AO3)

Artist: @ah-geee​

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Major Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 34,514

Summary: Peter always suspected he’d be a shitty fisherman, but after some rather unfortunate events in New York force him to be a recluse in a secluded coastal town, he can say for certain he sucks at this. Fortunately for him, the resident cryptid, one Siren known as Wade Wilson, is around to save him from himself. Misunderstandings and shenanigans ensue when Peter’s ‘thank you for saving my life’ gifts are mistaken as ‘please have babies with me’ courting gifts by the Siren. Only time (and some low-key therapy) will decide if they figure their shit out.

This is a story of two monsters who despite all the odds, find a home in each other.

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Title: Heatwave

Author: TimidTurnip [Ao3 | Tumblr]

Artist: VictoryThorn [Instagram | Tumblr]

Rating: E

Warnings: No Major Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 16,911K

Summary: Peter can handle anything life decides to throw his way. He didn’t freak out at all when Wade professed his love, the heat wave isn’t turning him into a puddle of goo and he’s totally got a firm grasp on his finances. And Wade… he just wants to know why Peter won’t date him, even if he has to push a few boundaries to find out.

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Title: Snippets Through Time

Author: Lalapaya | Tumblr: @manyfandomsnotime​

Artist: 343EnderSpark | Tumblr: @343EnderSpark

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 9,668

Summary: Peter Parker has to face the normal tumultuous daily routine of being the only child of a famous billionaire philanthropist and a historic icon. The one to help him through this is his best friend and partner in crime Wade Wilson. But what to do if this said friend suddenly becomes the target of affection?

A few excerpts of Peter Parker’s life growing up with Wade Wilson as his best friend and Iron Man and Captain America as his fathers.

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Title: Nothing Gold Can Stay

Author: cheekysstyles (tumblr)

Artist: aquamerryne (insta)

Rating: M

Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Word Count: 30k

Summary: A year and a half ago, sixteen year old gymnastics prodigy Peter Parker left in the middle of the World Championship competition, costing Team USA a chance at a medal. After one too many run-ins with the law, Peter gets an ultimatum: return to the sport he left behind or end up in juvenile detention.

When he arrives at X-Force Gymnastics, an elite gym owned by Wade Wilson, Peter is unprepared to rediscover his love for the sport and to confront the very thing that made him quit in the first place.

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Title: A Mate Most Begrudging 

 Author: Vixen13 (Twitter) 

 Artist: Gensyz 

Rating: Explicit 

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply 

Word Count: 46,189

Summary: It’s the height of the Gilded Age in America where everyone is searching for a new life and a new fortune from booming industry to the colonization of the wild frontier. Wade Wilson is a disgraced alpha trapped in the in-between of east and west, high society and labor, recluse and shunned. Though he’s convinced himself that he’s just fine on his own, others are more than happy to meddle in his perfectly quiet life before he loses his grip on reality more than he already has.

Peter Parker is a down on his luck omega who needs money fast. Knowing that laying tracks is a quick ticket to a short life, he let himself be talked into joining the mail order omega program. He’s careful about the alpha he chooses and determined to carve out a life for himself with a handsome stranger. But the shock of his alpha’s appearance is nothing compared to the slamming of the door in his face as Wade declares he has no intention of mating with anyone, especially not some gold-digging omega tart.

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Title: Three Steps to Inferno

Author: @waterme-stories (Ao3)

Artist: @atemy (Ao3)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Word Count: 31,399k

Summary: On August 26th, 1934, Gwen Stacy brushed past the doorman at the Ritz-Carlton, walked into the dining room, and set herself on fire.

With the city plunged into pandemonium, I didn’t think twice before I hit the pavement: both as private eye Peter Benjamin Parker, and behind the scenes as The Spider, New York City’s most notorious vigilante. The criminal underworld cowered at the sound of my name and the shadow of my webs — but there were some parts of the Big Apple’s seedy underbelly that I couldn’t begin to imagine…

(A Spideypool Noir Mystery)

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Title: Mutable Materials 

Author: @ciceqi (AO3) 

Artist: @nhrive (AO3) 

Rating: Mature 

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply; warnings for Temporary Character Death, Suicide, Insectophobia 

Word Count: 12,853

Summary: Ever since the field trip that hijacked everything from Peter’s genetic profile to his daemon’s shape, he’s had to hide his entirely-too-recognizable daemon from the world.  He doesn’t expect to come across a man with an embarrassment of daemons, or maybe…no daemon at all.  Is Deadpool as delusional as everyone thinks?  He’s certainly been helpful, but how long can that last if his reality hinges on the existence of a daemon no one’s seen in years? 

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Title: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

Author: @mscaptainwinchester​

Artist: cottonclover

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Canonical Character Death, Physical Abuse (Alluded To), Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Word Count: 21,551

Summary: This is the Disney Cinderella AU no one asked for. In a faraway kingdom, in a comfortable cottage in a comfortable village, Peter Parker grew up with two wonderful parents who loved him very much. And then those parents died, and he was left to life with his stepmother Liv, and her two terrible children, Jessica and Eugene. His happy home turned into an unhappy life of servitude with no end in sight.

An invitation to a Royal Ball reminds Peter of a long-dead wish to see the palace his mother told him stories of, and he becomes determined to attend despite the protests of his miserable family. With the help of his new fairy godmother, a little bit of magic, and a whole lot of hard work, his dreams of visiting the palace and finding his very own Prince Charming will come true. Or will they?*

*They totally will. What kind of Cinderella story do you think this is?

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Title: Thanks for the Memories

Author: Actionpackedlips

Artist: Moemai

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Sexual Content, Canon Divergence

Word Count: 50,461

Summary: What if Mysterio never outed Peter?

Deadpool comes back from a mission to find his favorite Spider-Man, his only Spider-Man, the boxes so helpfully remind him, missing. Specifically, kidnapped. Mysterio’s remaining crew were brimming with the need for revenge after their leader’s death, and so they vowed to use updated B.A.R.F tech to learn Spider-Man’s specific superpowers in order to harness it for themselves; another failed attempt to continue Mysterio’s grandiose plans of becoming the best superhero ever. With the help of the Avengers Peter is found, connected to a device not even Tony has full comprehension of.

Deadpool valiantly volunteers to be hooked up; death was a regularly scheduled program for him, after all. He’d guide Spider-Man to a subconscious level that was safe to be extracted from, and (total bonus!) hopefully win his favor as Spidey’s knight in shiny leather! But once Deadpool enters, his deepest, darkest, repressed memories are on display for him and his friendly neighborhood spider to see. Deadpool fears not only what Spider-Man will think of him after it all, after everything he sees, but just what he’ll have to relive in order to rescue the man who not-so-secretly holds his heart.

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Title: Paradise Awaits

Author: bisexualbarry

Artist: doctoring

Rating: Mature

Warnings: canon typical violence, minor character death

Word Count: 32k

Summary: “For those who prove worthy, paradise awaits…”

Fifteen years after assuming his childhood best friend died, jaded treasure hunter Peter Parker comes out of an early retirement when Wade Wilson comes back into his life. Now fully scarred and clearly hiding secrets, Wade drags Peter back into the thrill of searching for legendary pirate Captain Henry Avery’s lost treasure.

Fighting for their life from the Shoreline mercenaries chasing after them, Peter and Wade continue the dangerous search of a pirate treasure worth 400 million, at least. It’s too bad their ex-partner, Harry Osborn, wants them dead to take the treasure all for himself.

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Title: Ducks!

Author(s): Devral

Artist: LordAvon

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 7,994

Summary: After a fight with Peter, Wade goes stomping through Central Park. He stumbles upon something extremely unexpected. He’s not ready to be a mama!

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Title: Puppy ex Machina

Author: riseofthefallenone ( Tumblr | Ao3 )

Artist: Jennicide ( Tumblr | Ao3 )

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 83,044

Summary: A year after his divorce, Peter is trapped in a depressive cycle and still not quite over Mary Jane. When she shows up at his door, begging him to watch her dog for a week while she leaves town, he can’t really bring himself to say “no”. No one was expecting that little Pomeranian to turn his life around and help him realize that his friendship with Wade has been teetering on the edge of something more for a while.

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Title: The Fourth Wall

Author: RansomNotes (Ao3)

Artist: thelazyartist (Ao3)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 13k

Summary: Between college and his side jobs and his alter-ego, Peter barely has the time to sleep at his apartment, let alone spend any time hanging out there, which works out since it’s a cheap and empty and depressing apartment, now that he and Ned aren’t roommates on-campus anymore. So hearing his rude loudmouth neighbor through the wall all the time shouldn’t matter much, except it’s classic Parker to somehow make friends with the crazy guy next door, to the point he’s actually sad to leave his crummy apartment. But Peter seems to have a real penchant for bad company, since he’s spending all his free time with someone he’s never seen, only heard through the wall, and spending most of his patrolling time with someone else crazy, since Deadpool showed up recently and somehow monopolized his time as Spider-Man. It’s probably just a phase. Everybody goes through a fall-catastrophically-hard-for-separate-but-unavailable-people phase, right?

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Title: In Which Peter Finds Hope

Author: ladyamante (AO3)

Artist: Areon (tumblr)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, sexual content, Past child abuse

Word Count: 62,245

Summary: Peter just wants to relax after last year. He hit a rough patch, and Deadpool helped him get through the worst of it. After identity reveals, therapy, and a few explosions, things have finally started to settle down for them both.

But just as Peter’s getting into the swing of things, a strange man with a metal arm shows up claiming to be a time-traveller. He says Peter is the only one who can help him save mutant kind.

Peter finds himself pulled from his home and dragged through different dimensions as he and Cable search for the key to their survival. Meanwhile, they keep running into different versions of Peter’s boyfriend. It seems that everything connects back to Wade. Cable thinks it’s just a coincidence, but Peter is sure there’s a deeper reason behind it all.

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Title: Whether By Accident or By Design 

Author: crookedswingset 

Artist: thelonebamf 

Rating: Explicit 

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Temporary Major Character Death (Wade), Sexual Content, Cannibalistic Symbiotes, Blood and Injury, Secret Identity, Body Horror

Word Count: 188K 

Summary: Peter is about to graduate college and become an officially licensed Pro Hero. Too bad he’s already burnt out. Years of operating as an illegal vigilante with a supposedly subpar Quirk will do that to you. But just as he’s about to quit altogether, he meets actual Pro Hero Deadpool, a reformed villain who works hard to make sure others don’t follow in his footsteps. Despite this achievement, Wade’s just as jaded as he is and has completely given up on making things better.

As their relationship deepens, Peter realizes he is not quite ready to give up on being a Pro Hero, a resolve that is tested when a new Pro Hero agency comes to town and takes over. The so-called “Guard” is a group of four eight-foot men with eerily similar Quirks—and they have no intention of making nice with New York City’s friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

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[spcncershybrid]

Vacation?- Spencer Reid Imagine

GIF IS NOT MINE

SPENCER REID X READER

request: hiii 🥰could I get a Spencer x reader? Where they work at the BAU together and are very close. The team knows somethings up but don’t say anything. They assume nothing is going to happen until they get assigned to go undercover together as a traveling couple to try to get the attention of the unsub. But it doesn’t work and they have fun in their small “vacation”. Please and thank you 🥰🥰🥰)

(Summary:Being one of the youngest in the BAU has it’s perks until you and your crush are roped into becoming bad guy bait.)

(A/N: This was my first ever request! Also the whole vacation portion may be inaccurate because I’ve never really been on a vacation. Also sorry if the ending seems rushed I had no idea what to do for it.)

I enter the bullpen, tossing my bag onto the swivel chair. “Hey, how was your little date with Spence?” JJ asks, walking up to me popping a hot cheeto into her mouth. “First of all it wasn’t a date, second of all Jayje it’s like 10AM why are you eating hot cheetos?” I ask her laughing. “Don’t question my choices.” She says jokingly shoving a finger to my chest. Penelope walks up to the both of us pouting, I automatically know why. “Case?” I question as Pen nods sadly. “Is it bad?” I ask as JJ and I follow her to the debriefing room. “Totally.” Penelope says grabbing her remote. I take my usual spot next to Spencer as Penelope gives us all our case files and tablets. “My fine BAU babes this case give love a total bad , I mean bad name.” Pen says emphasizing the word bad. “Five couples between the ages 25-30 were found dead in a remote location in Honolulu, Hawaii. All victims were found with suitcases in their car trunks and were also dressed in vacation-esk outfits.” Pen says flipping through the crime scene photos. “Yikes so much for a vacation.” I say cringing slightly. “The first two couples, Carly Burgess and Ian Woods, Violet Wade and Zach Kane, were all found with gunshot wounds to the head.” Garcia says cringing slightly at the gruesome photos. “The next two were married couples. Amber and Owen Meyers, and Emelia and Adam Kelley. They all had their throats slashed.” Garcia states. “And what are the last two Pen? What category do they fit in?” I ask, flipping through the file. “That BAU baby is the kind of couple but not really a couple. They were Lisa Mitchell and Raphael Kelley, they were found with both things. Lisa had the gunshot wound to the head and Raphael had his throat slashed.” She says ending the slideshow. “According to the police station that’s handling this they were all taken and held within the span of 10 days.” Spencer says. I nod over to him. “What would he be doing in that ten day time frame?” I ask aloud. “The unsub could be a sadist. Killing the victims in such a gruesome way can get him off?” Morgan says questioningly. “All that in a span of ten days this is one sick unsub.” I say emphasizing the word sick. “It’s only the beginning for this unsub. Wheel’s up in 20.” Hotch says standing up and heading out the room. I start to gather my things to leave. “You want to be jet seat buddies?” Spencer says tugging his satchel strap. “Last time we were jet seat buddies Spencer we argued on tv show facts. I’m pretty sure Hotch is banning us from sitting next to each other ever again.” I say laughing as we head towards my desk to grab my go bag. I catch JJ and Morgan smirking at Spencer and I, I glare at them slightly as I grab my go bag from under my desk. Spencer and I walk towards the elevator. “Crap you go ahead I need to get my file. I left it on my desk.” I curse slightly at my forgetful nature. “You can warm my jet seat.” I say pointing to Spencer as I back watching the elevator doors close. “Hey glary.” Derek says placing his arm around my shoulder. “Hey muscly.” I say laughing. “You and I both know your case files in your bag so why are you really back here.” Derek says crossing his arms. I smirk slightly knowing he’s right. “Okay fine I didn’t want to share the elevator with Reid.” I say turning away from him. “Well I heard from a little blonde birdie that you have a crush on the genius.” He says laughing slightly. “Remind me to never drink with Penelope or JJ again.” I say pursing my lips together. “And it isn’t a crush it’s an... infatuation. Plus it’s not like he’ll give the time of day ever.” I say sadly. “How would you know?” Derek says heading towards the elevator. “Because although we all agreed not to profile the team he doesn’t seem interested in me in the slightest.” I say walking with him to the elevator. “What if we hatch a plan?” He asks as we step into the elevator. “No way Morgan. That can put me in a way worse situation than I want.” I say sighing softly. “Okay that’s your call.” He says shrugging. What is he up to?

“Thanks for warming the seat.” I tell Spencer as Morgan and I enter the jet. “No problem.” He says staring at me as I set my things down. “What?” I ask, catching his gaze. “Nothing Y/N.” He says going back to reading the case file. “Alright Garcia tell us what you’ve found so far.” Hotch says entering the seating area near the laptop screen. “Well my mystical magicians, none of the coupled pairs have a sketchy history. No criminal offences, these people are squeaky clean.” She answers. “There was no shift in M.O, victimology is a bit sketchy but again these are couples.” JJ says tilting her head. “This may be a longshot but what if our unsub works at a resort and these victims aren’t necessarily premeditated but more victims of opportunity.” I say aloud. “That could make sense, think about it you guys. Five couples seemingly in love, and going on an amazing vacation. Our unsub can have a failing relationship!” I exclaim looking over the file patterns. “That can make sense if our unsub sees these couples he can wait and watch for the perfect opportunity to strike. The ten day cycle can make sense with the schedule of the victims' stay.” Spencer says. “Okay when we land JJ you and Morgan can go to the crime scenes. Reid and Y/L/N can go to the M.E to see if you can find anything else. Prentiss you, Rossi and I can go set up at the station.” Hotch orders. We all nod at him.

 ________________________

“Sucks that were not here for a vacation. We can all use one.” I tell Spencer as we enter the M.E’s office. “Agreed.” He says opening the door in front of us. “Hi we are SSA Y/L/N and Dr. Reid with the FBI. Do you potentially have anything extra for us?” I say greeting her while sticking out my hand. “Hi.” She greets back shaking my hand and waving at Spencer. “I found some things that were consistent following the deaths of the victims.” She starts and grabs a file. “They all ate what seems to be some sort of meat, potentially chicken, and rice.” She says, showing us on the sheet. “So they all ate the same thing before they died?” I question rhetorically. “Following that victim Lisa Mitchell also sustained blunt force trauma but it seems to be post mortem. Also there are faint ligature marks on the victims wrists.” She says showing us her body. “So he striked her after he shot her?” Spencer asks. “Seems so.” The M.E says closing the file. “Let’s go to the station and see what they have so far.” I say to Spencer. We exit the M.E’s office and enter the van. “That’s weird that he struck her after he killed her.” I say fastening my seatbelt. “But what’s even weirder is that they all ate the same thing. We have a much bigger suspect pool than we originally anticipated.” I say as I drive off to the local police station.

 ________________________

Spencer and I enter the station and are greeted by Hotch and the sheriff. “This is SSA Y/L/N and Dr. Spencer Reid.” Hotch introduces us. I shook the man's hand and headed over to the team.”So when we were at the M.E’s the stomach contents of all the victims were the same and there were some ligature marks on the victims.” Spencer says walking up to the board. “And Lisa Mitchell was struck in the head after she was shot.” I continue. “We were discussing before you guys got here what things we can do to catch our unsub.” Derek says, smirking slightly. “Two members of the team should go undercover and pose as a couple wanting to go on vacation.” Emily says. “So who did you guys have in mind?” Spencer asks. “You two.” Derek says pointing at the both of us.”Us?” Spencer and I ask in unison before looking at each other. “The both of you fit the preferred age range of the unsub.” Derek justifies. I hum tilting my head. “He’s right the both of you would be perfect targets.” JJ says smiling softly at the both of us. “I’m okay with it. Are you?” I ask Spencer. “Yeah when do we start this?” He asks. “Tomorrow morning. We’ll get the both of you settled tomorrow and give the rundown on catching this unsub.” Hotch says as we all continue to work on the case. I look over to Spencer who seems nervous or angry. Does he not want to do this? Later in the evening we go back to our hotel and relax for the night.

 ________________________

“Are you ready for this?” I ask Spencer as we all head to the police station. “Yeah I guess.” He shrugs off the question. I stare out the window sighing softly. Am I ready?  We park and step out of the vehicle. We all enter the police station and greet the officers. I head over to the water dispenser and grab a cup. I walk over to the room we set up in. “What’s the plan?” I ask aloud sipping my water. “Both you and Spencer will check into the hotel. You’ll both just have your cell phones as ear pieces can be semi noticeable.” Hotch says handing Spencer and I a duffle bag. “Those are clothes for the trip.” JJ says. I nod towards her. “So that’s settled we’ll drive you to the hotel now to change into warmer clothes.” Derek says tossing keys up into the air. We head outside and enter the van, driving over to the team's hotel. I open Spencer and I’s room, I immediately head to the bathroom to change. I walk out seeing Spencer already dressed in his typical tropical shirt with khaki pants. “Nice legs Reid.” I say laughing. He chuckles softly turning towards me. “Well nice-” Spencer starts but gets cut off by Derek’s knocking. “Are you two done or should I come back later?” Derek says behind the door. I open the door letting Derek inside. “Hey kid nice legs.” Derek says pointing to Spencer. “I know I said the same thing.” I say laughing. “We need to go now if we want to make it on the unsub’s time frame.” Spencer says looking at his phone. I grab my duffle bag and we all set out to the other hotel. 

 ________________________

“Remember to act like a couple.” Derek says rolling up his windows before driving off. “You ready hun.” I say grabbing Spencer’s hand, fear immediately washing away. “Yes my love.” He says smiling as he squeezes my hand softly. We head over to the front desk. “Rooms for Reid.” Spencer says showing his FBI credentials. The receptionist nods and gives us keys. “Hotch told me to show my credentials instead of my personal I.D. He talked to the receptionist before we got here so we can get a good room to also work from.” Spencer says as we enter the room. “Okay so what do we do first?” I ask confused on what to do. “We can go get food first. It’s 3PM this can be our unsubs hit hour.” Spencer suggests. “Yeah let’s go.” I say opening the door. We head downstairs hand in hand and walk over to the food area. “What should we get babe?” Spencer asks. “Not sure.” I say pouting. “I’ll go around and order something.” He says walking in front of me. “Spence, wait up I’m shorter.” I say laughing slightly catching up to him. “Sorry. Here hold my hand so you don’t get lost.” He says extending his hands to me. I grab it smiling at him. We head into the hotel's restaurant and sit down. “The pasta seems good.” I say. “But you know what would be even better?” Spencer asks rhetorically. “A meat substance with white grains?” I question back. A waiter walks over to us. “Hi what can I get the two of you this evening?” He asks, smiling at the both of us. “What would you suggest? My boyfriend here can never choose good options.” I say smiling over to Spencer. “Ignore her we’ll both take the chicken and rice.” He says handing the waiter his menu. “Any drinks?” The waiter asks taking the menus. “Water would be fine for us both.” Spencer says smiling towards me. The waiter nods walking away. “Boyfriend really?” Spencer says leaning over towards me. “Would you have preferred girlfriend?” I say sarcastically. He sucks his teeth blushing lightly. The things I would do to see that everyday. Spencer's phone starts ringing, startling me. “Yes Hotch?” Spencer asks, picking up the phone. “What?” He asks again.  “Okay thanks.” He says before hanging up the phone. “The unsub kidnapped another couple. Our time frame was off. Hotch says we can stay on this fake vacation just in case it's a team or two unsubs.” He says leaning forward. I nod towards him. “So we stay on this vacation while the rest of the team is on the field?” I asked him. “Yes.” He says quickly as the waiter drops off our food and waters. “What if it’s one unsub?” I whisper as the waiter walks away. “Then I guess we’ll have a normal vacation.” He says as he starts eating. I hum in response as I start eating too.

 ________________________

“Guys we caught the unsub.” Derek's voice booms through the phone as Spencer puts it on speaker. “What!” Spencer and I exclaim in unison. Spencer and I look over at each other and enter our shared room. “I thought you guys profiled it might have been a team.” I say throwing my bag onto my bed. “We were wrong. Hotch said you guys can stay on the vacation for the duration of the hotel stay.” Derek says. “Morgan that’s like what a week.” Spencer says. “You don't want to spend the rest of the trip with your crush?” Derek says quickly before the line goes silent. “Morgan?” I ask seeing the color drain from Spencer’s face. I hear a faint whisper of the word ‘sorry’ before he hangs up. I glance up at Spencer, his eyes meeting mine. “I get it if you only want to be friends because of the whole fraternization thing at the BAU.” Spencer says quickly as he shoves his phone into his pocket. “Well that’ll be kind of awkward seeing as I like you too Spence.” I say smiling softly at his shocked expression. “What?” He asks, breaking out of his shocked face. “You like me but why?” He asks. “I can ask the same thing.” I say smirking slightly. He smiles wide as he scratches the back of his neck. “Would you maybe want to go out sometime?” Spencer says shyly. “Of course Spencer now can we please have the vacation we were dying for.” I say plopping onto my bed. “Yes babe.” He says sitting on his bed making plans for our next adventure.

[fantasticstoryteller]

New Amsterdam Chapter 65

[You did it now.]

{What? What did we do? Why is he mad?}

“Are you mad?” asked Wade.

“No,” said Peter. “Well,” the younger man admitted, “not yet.” Ignoring the way those words made Wade’s heart freeze Peter patted the couch beside him. “Please, come sit.”

Warily, ready to bolt if Peter made any move that said he wasn’t okay with Wade’s presence, the mercenary obeyed, gently sinking into the cushion next to Peter. Peter took one of Wade’s arms and gently began to rub his hands along it. “Wade,” he said slowly, “I don’t know how to tell you this—but I’m stronger than I look.”

“Uh—”

“I understand,” Peter said gently, “that you’re trying to protect me. I really do. And it’s sweet.” Peter leaned into Wade’s side and, at the initiated contact, Wade turned and wrapped the younger man in a hug that Peter snuggled into. Peter let go of Wade’s hand to lean up and gently put his hands to the bigger man’s cheeks. “I am not a wilting rose, Wade,” he said firmly making eye contact through the mask.

[Where is he going with this?]

“I want you to tell me everything about how cards are made and we’ll see if we can figure out who put a hit on me. Together,” Peter said firmly.

{We can’t tell him! He’ll hate us!}

Wade took a deep, shuddering breath. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he said. He tried to say it firmly, but it came out like a plea.

Peter’s face softened and he shifted until he was halfway in Wade’s lap. “Hey,” he said gently, keeping his hands on Wade’s masked face. “Listen to me. I don’t hate you.”

“I don’t hate you.”

Same words. Another time. Another person. Just as shocking. Wade’s grip tightened on Peter and he rested his head, Peter’s hands moving with him, on Peter’s. “Now,” he whispered.

Peter’s hands moved from his face to his neck as the smaller man hugged him back with surprising strength. “I know who you are,” Peter said softly. He chuckled, softly.

{He doesn’t sound mad.}

“You’re the guy who panics at alarms and launches swords into the speakers,” Peter said. “Swords that are really sharp by the way. You’re the guy who carries around massive jars of rainbow glitter and has no problem giving one of them up to make slime. Who went to the incinerator with me despite not liking incinerators. Who treats street children like real people. Who does his best, every day, to make this city a better place.” Peter tucked his head under Wade’s and nestled into the crook of the larger man’s neck. “I know who you are Wade,” he said firmly. “And I don’t hate you.”

Wade’s grip tightened as his throat did. Peter couldn’t know what those words, those mere words whether or not he meant them, meant for Wade. No one liked him. No one had liked him. The best he’d been able to hope for from his fellow humans was mere tolerance. And for a long time, that had been okay. After all, it was a lot easier to kill people if he hated them as much as they hated him. No problem.

The problem came in the form of a hero. A hero who didn’t accept that Deadpool was someone to be hated and feared. A hero that had no problems with taking a masked, known murderer out on patrol—very visible patrol—with him around New Amsterdam.

Then, there was Peter. A person who also had no trouble being seen with Deadpool, with going out with Deadpool, and had even asked if they could date! And Wade was learning that, just maybe, the world didn’t hate him as much as he’d thought it did. Maybe, just maybe, there were people in it that he could agree with and be cordial to. Sure the world was full of scum. But there were people like Peter in it too—and Peter’s aunt May. That woman was terrifying—and right about the soup. But—and more importantly—Peter’s aunt May, despite knowing that Wade had kidnapped her nephew—didn’t seem to hate Wade. She didn’t even seem to really dislike him and had, in fact, said that he was better than both Norman and Tony.

Perhaps—perhaps Peter wouldn't hate him, after knowing all the things he’d done.

[Perhaps we’d better gloss over those bits.]

{Yeah, uh, he’s not asking what we’ve done. Just how the cards work.}

So, Wade told Peter about the cards. How each card represented the name of a person who was to be killed, the color of the card indicating how much the reward was, and how Weasel decided who got what card.

“Tell me about Weasel,” Peter said, not moving from his position on Wade’s lap.

That Wade was all too ready to do. “He’s a bartender, weapons dealer, and—”

“That’s what he does,” Peter interrupted gently. “Tell me about him.”

“Oh, he’s a paranoid fuck who tries not to get involved with his customers while still running everything like a wannabe mob boss,” Wade said cheerful now that they weren’t potentially talking about things that would make Peter hate Wade.

Even through the suit, Wade could feel Peter’s lips curl into a smile. “Paranoid, huh? Does he do a lot with computers?”

Wade suppressed a shiver. He wasn’t sure what would happen to their relationship if Little Wade decided to rise to the occasion.

{Good one!}

[No, that sucked.]

“What are you thinking, Baby Boy?” he asked.

“I’m thinking I might have a plan.”

[sgtbradfords]

Please could you write a Chenford prompt with this: “Who were you with?”. Thank you! 💖

Thank you for the prompt hon! I hope this does what you requested some justice! It almost stumped me, but then I had an idea about the future and well lord knows my muse had enough fun with it then. ;) Enjoy!

Captain Tim and Lieutenant Lucy Bradford had both turned in for the night, laying in their king-sized bed, talking off and on about things they had heard throughout the day at the department as Tim read the book in his hand, Lucy reading something on her phone.

“He’s going to be late.” She mumbled, noticing the time.

Tim never looked up, turning the page in his book. “He won’t be late.”

“Admit it, he’s going to be late and you can finally pay up.”

Tim looked over at the clock on the nightstand. “He’ll cut it close but he won’t be late, he’s never been late a day in his life.”

“No, because he’s your son. But you may as well pay up now Bradford, he has less than two minutes.”

“Only when he walks through the door at 23:01 Bradford, will you be getting any form of payment.”

The clock hit 10:59 and Lucy began counting down the seconds in her head, making it to twenty-three seconds left when the sound of a thud, something heavy hitting the ground echoed through the house.

They both jolted, Tim’s right hand and Lucy’s left reaching for their guns in the nightstands before thinking better of it.

Heavy footsteps sounded as the person climbed the stairs, stepping on the eighth step, the wood creaking under the pressure as it always had over the past twenty years.

“You ok?” Lucy asked, arching an eyebrow as the person walked into their room. “Just learning to walk?”

“I’m fine, tripped over my feet.” He said, carefully falling onto his stomach on the bed, burying his face into the comforter.

“Did you lock up?”

He sighed, rolling his eyes as he lifted his head. “Yes dad.”

“Did you turn off the lights?”

“I think?” he said after a second “I’ll check before I head to bed.”

Lucy wrinkled her nose as a smell assaulted her senses, “Larson Wade Bradford. Did you not shower after the game?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you use soap? Because you smell like a locker room.”

“Yes mom. You can smell test me if you want.” The teen said as he stuck an arm out.

“I’d prefer not to.” She told him, pressing his arm back down. “Just shower again before bed.”

“You done good tonight. That hit in the third looked brutal, you feeling ok?” Tim asked, placing his book to the side, taking off his reading glasses.

“Conners checked me out and said I was good to go but I swear that linesman hit me right in the lung, knocked the breath out of me. I’m sore, and my head hurts a little.” He shrugged.

“Let me see.” Tim said as he got up from the bed, moving next to his son.

Larson lifted his shirt, the left side of his skin black and blue as Tim began pressing on his side, Larson wincing when it became painful.

“Shit!” he cursed before gritting his teeth.

“Nothing’s broken.”

Lucy cringed at the sight of his marred skin as she got out of the bed, moving to the bathroom, searching the drawers for what she was looking for. She came back, two small white bottles in hand.

“Here, take these.” She said, opening and shaking out two pills into her palm, as he grabbed them and threw them back, dry swallowing. “And put this on after you shower again.”

“Was she this nice to you after you almost died?” joked Larson as he sat back down on the bed.

“Which time?” Tim asked as Lucy lightly slapped his shoulder.

“There’s not been that many.” Lucy told them, rolling her eyes as she climbed back into the bed.

“I was shot on your second day, you flipped the shop, I was infected with a virus, yet another car crash, you were buried alive, another car crash, and how can I ever forget the day you had to ride with Harper and you found that bomb. All within your first year as a boot, sweetheart.”

“You weren’t there for the bomb, I threw the guy out the window.” She smirked. “Besides, look at all the fun we experienced together!”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Your mom calls getting stabbed and shot at fun.”

“No, I’m not talking about that!” She said with a look on her face. “We used to have to go undercover together all the time even after my probationary year.”

“Why?”

“Pretty sure Wade shipped it.” Lucy told him simply.

“No one says shipped any more mom.” Said Larson.

“I’m pretty sure half the department shipped it Luce, you know how much money Wesley won from that bet.”

“Uncle Wesley won over like seven hundred dollars, right?”

“Correct, each person had to bet a hundred dollars.”

“A bunch of cops betting for when two people would hook up, who would have thought.” The seventeen-year-old said rolling his eyes.

“Hey! We got nine hundred dollars to put in your college fund from a bet so no complaining. It’s go big or go home.”

“What is a bet going on right now that involves us?”

“There’s the one of whether or not you father will retire with in the next five years.”

“Not happening.” Tim said as he placed his glasses back on, returning to his book.

“That’s what he thinks.” She stage whispered. “You were cutting it close to curfew tonight.”

Larson grimaced as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking away, a tell-tale sign he had inherited from his father. “Sorry.”

“Who were you with?”

“Hailey, Tyrell, Jonas, Nyah and Max. We went to the diner on Apex.”

“The one with the smiley face pancakes? And you didn’t invite me?”

“No I didn’t invite you, you’re kinda old mom.”

“I am not, I am forty seven! Forty seven is not old! Your father’s closer to sixty than fifty, if anyone is old it’s him!”

“Leave me out of this Luce. Besides, your daughter already thinks I’m a grandpa.”

“She’s twelve, besides she’s only calling you that because she doesn’t like it when you pick her up from school in the shop.”

“It was one time. When you get a call from the principal asking you to come for a meeting because your child punched someone and broke their nose, it warrants the shop. Besides that was before I knew she had punched another kid for bullying someone. We even went for ice cream! I think she is just calling me a grandpa to spite me.”

“Are we sure she’s not adopted? Because I was an angel at her age.”

They both looked at Larson, giving him a dubious look. “Sure you were and remind me again, who broke the window with a slingshot when they were her age?”

“Don’t forget he called 9-1-1 when he was six because he couldn’t remember a phone number.”

“Why remember a number when it’s programmed in your phone!” he argued.

“Scared me to death when you came flying up the drive, I had no idea what was going on.”

“He hung up the phone! And when I couldn’t get ahold of you, not knowing he hid the phone, I freaked out ok.”

“I know honey.” She said placing a kiss on cheek. “To answer your original question Larson, I know for a fact I spent thirteen hours in labor with her, she is in fact your sister, thank you.”

“She’s just inherited your mother’s rebellious streak a few years early.”

“My rebellious streak? You were the definition of a stereotypical bad boy Mr. Bradford.”

“You would have loved it.” He smirked.

“I find it hard to believe you had a rebellious phase mom.”

“Have you met your grandparents?”

“Good point.” He said as a yawn escaped. “I think I’m going turn in for the night, coach wants us at the field house by nine to review the tape.”

“Night kiddo, love you.”

“Love you guys too.” He said as he sluggishly walked out the door. “Oh, I’m taking Hailey out for lunch so I won’t be home until sometime tomorrow afternoon.”

“Ok, be careful. Text one of us if something changes.” Lucy said as he closed the bedroom door.

“You know, I think we’ve done a pretty good job with him.”

Tim smiled a twinkle in his eye as he placed the glasses and book on the nightstand. “I think we have too. Let’s just hope Angela and Wesley are ok with our son dating their youngest daughter.”

“How much you wanna bet Bradford, that they’ll both be boots by the time they’re twenty-five?” Lucy asked smirking as she walked her fingers up his arm, causing Tim to growl as he tackled his wife to the bed, his bodyweight pinning her to the mattress.

“How much do you wanna bet boot, that they’ll be married to each other by the time they’re twenty-eight?

“Wager the usual?” Lucy asked as Tim began kissing and sucking on her neck, causing her to shiver, even after close to being married for twenty years.

“As long as they don’t give us grandkids within the next ten years, it’s a bet.”

“We haven’t done this while they’ve been home in a while.” She gasped in his ear as his lower half thrusted against her, Lucy pulling down the sweatpants he was wearing. “Think we can still keep quiet and not get caught old man?”

Tim smirked as he reached for the hem of her nightgown, pulling it up as she pulled her upper body off the mattress, placing a thirsty kiss to his mouth before mumbling against his lips. “Guess we’ll find out tomorrow sweetheart.”

[plounce]

do u have any reccomendations for how to read only comics involving rictor and shatterstar?? i used to be into marvel comics so i am immune to the usual comic shenanigans but i would like to learn more about these boys

here is a guide to reading xmen comics for rictor and shatterstar, my favorite canon comics couple! they were the first on-panel gay kiss in a marvel comic! they’re very special to me!

OKAY SO... ok. for anyone else using this, here’s a standard disclaimer that obviously there’s gonna be a lot in these that just absolutely sucks because 1. the 90s, 2. comics are an extremely cishet white male dominated industry. i do not vouch for everything written in these comics, but i think the gaycoding that eventually gets canonized is worth wading through a lot of stupid bullshit and very ugly art.

quick backstory on these two: rictor is a mexican teenager who was kidnapped by an anti-mutant terrorist group and was rescued by x-factor (the original 5). he hung around their auxiliary teen group the x-terminators for most of x-factor, being a delightful little punk (wearing a sleeveless leather vest a lot of the time!) and hanging out with boom-boom (who i love) and then got put into the new mutants for a very short time (where he had a thing with rahne/wolfsbane), before it was dissolved and transformed into x-force when rob liefeld took over the title. rictor hates team leader 90sdude cable because he thinks cable killed his dad in front of him. he tends to be the snarky asshole on the team.

the first part of this article has a lot of little rictor moments i’m not covering here. if you want the full rictor experience, check out x-factor (1986) and !x-terminators! x-factor starts very slowly but it picks up and improves when the simonsons take the helm.

rictor left the team. shatterstar was introduced by liefeld - he’s an Emotionless Warrior Guy Who Loves To Fight from mojoworld (a planet run by a despot who produces tv. it’s Commentary), where he was forced to be a gladiator from birth and doesn’t know a lot of earth customs and doesn’t have emotions (or rather, he represses them). 

x-force (1991) feel free to read through all of it, but in case you just want to skip to these two, all of these issues have one or two good little Moments - just do some skimming. i tend to focus more on rictor than star in this era because star is made more interesting than Emotionless Warrior Guy by butting up against rictor:

13-16 (rictor rejoins his old new mutants friends)

19, 21-26 (the first phase of their relationship where they don’t really get along. in one of these issues rictor stares at star’s ass. big moment of star being autism-coded in here too)

29-30 (rictor drives shatterstar around and they seem to get along better, you get to learn a bit about star’s past, adam-x the x-treme is there)

32-33 (just some little moments of them hanging out, a couple good rictor lines)

34 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor backstory issue! AND this has the first big Subtext moment: shatterstar reveals he learned spanish from tv so he and rictor can have “conversations of a highly -- personal nature” HELLO?)

35 (some little moments where you can see star and rictor are now Friends and star is affected by that friendship)

39-40 (more good friendship - rictor asks if star has been watching dating shows and they just seem close. rictor also has gotten a haircut! we learn shatterstar’s mojoworld designation! they ride some motorcycles!)

43 (VERY IMPORTANT - the two go to a club. rictor tells star he’s a virgin then asks him if he has a dick. i am not kidding this literally happens. star learns what sexual attraction feels like and says ‘i don’t know what emotions im supposed to attach to that’, and rictor tells him he’ll help him learn.)

44 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor leaves the team because he doesn’t want to have the team communicate telepathically (VERY interesting for a character who is eventually revealed to have been a closeted gay man). shatterstar begs him not to leave - “you’re my best and only friend.” rictor tells him that if he ever needs him, he’ll come back.)

cable (1993) #22 (follows up directly on rictor leaving the team - star accompanies rictor to the airport and has a lot of Feelings and has great hair. “julio. one last time. please, change your mind. what am i going to do without you?” oh so you’re dependent on your best friend who you’re in love with? oh?)

45, 47-48 (star’s weird biology, star brings up rictor as his emotional touchstone in a situation where he isn’t relevant at all. also, a plotline where tabby gets treated terribly by her friends and the narrative!)

49 (VERY IMPORTANT - star wanders around at night wondering why rictor hasn’t contacted him yet. he goes to the club he and rictor went to in #43 and turns down a girl who hits on him. he thinks “i miss julio...” (in an earlier issue, rictor tells cable not to call him by his first name - “only my mom calls me that”), then beats up some homophobes in an alley. I AM NOT KIDDING.)

51-52 (51 has more weird star biology. 52 has two pages of star and james talking that is a nice look at star’s developing emotional state - the rest of 52 is a fight with one of marvel’s extremely fatphobic villains, just a warning to skip the rest of it. although the letter page of 52 has someone go HEY ARE RICTOR AND SHATTERSTAR IN LOVE? thank you roeland looman from the netherlands)

54-56 (the start of shatterstar’s weird bad benjamin russell backstory that is quickly forgotten, disregarded, and uncared about by everybody. BUT in 54, there is some extremely loud subtext where star’s feelings for rictor are explicitly compared to a het romance subplot!)

58 (star is very chill and flamboyant for like two pages, it’s great)

59-61 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor returns because star Needs him in the midst of his identity crisis!! it’s so joyful and sweet for them both, and the subtext is so LOUD here - there’s just. so much going on, i won’t describe it all, but it’s very good content and their emotionally intimate relationship is very apparent - really excellent gaycoding. the weird shatterstar backstory wraps up circuitously and to no great effect, but the art in the last issue is very nice, and rictor’s plain and uncomplicated concern for star is great.)

63-65 (some little moments - shatterstar and rictor time travel and beat up some nazis, star has a lovely conversation with siryn,)

x-force/cable ‘97 (the team goes to asgard! the important thing is that star says some goofy “ah... warriors...” things, and then rictor teases star for liking delivery pizza. it’s very charming)

67 (they hang out with tabby in a van. shatterstar has pigtails!)

70 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor and shatterstar exit the team together to go take down rictor’s crime family in mexico! they seem very devoted to each other. shatterstar’s hair is all the way down!)

post leaving x-force:

76 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar return for one issue - rictor gets held captive to force shatterstar to fight domino!)

x-force annual 1999 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar get their own story about what they’re doing in mexico! shatterstar has an ugly little goatee, but rictor looks great! they choose to share a room rather than sleep separately and then it kind of feels like they shared a bed! rictor has learned star’s alien language! they genuinely just seem so close and comfortable with each other, it’s incredible.) (if you’re using RTO, it’s within the rest of xforce’s issues)

they’re both in comics limbo for the first half of the 00s besides a couple random flavorless appearances. shatterstar at some point goes back to mojoworld to help with the war against mojo. then we hit peter david’s x-factor run in 2006, known as x-factor investigations (xfi). this directly follows the “house of m” event - what matters is that the vast majority of mutants have been depowered by the scarlet witch. rictor is one of them.

rictor is a main character of the team from the first issue (the series opens with him about to attempt suicide), so if you wanna read the run you can start from the beginning. x-factor is... well, there are worse-written comics. it’s an okay read, but i find PAD’s writing insufferable a lot of the time (he writes multiple man as a pretty blatant self insert, and literally every girl on the team wants to fuck him at some point or another). i read the whole thing and it’s decent comics, but you might want to skip to the ricstar.

PAD canonizes ricstar, which is great! but unfortunately: 1. he writes star as  “slutty bisexual just can’t stop wanting to fuck people besides his partner who is uncomfortable with that!”, which is biphobic and sucks hugely, especially since it feels so different from xforce original shatterstar (see this post). rictor also just seems so annoyed with him all the time, which also sucks - they’re best friends!! let rictor like his boyfriend!!

anyway. if you choose not to read all of xfi, here are the ricstar highlights:

first issue of xfi for rictor's horrible mental state after m-day

14 (jamie implies that star would be jealous of rictor hanging out with quicksilver)

43, 45, 49 (star reappears!! he’s mindcontrolled, but it gets fixed, and he and rictor have the first ever on panel gay kiss at marvel!! yaaaay!! then they talk about their relationship a little)

after issue #50 it changes the numbering, so if you’re using RCO youll have to go to xfactor (1986) #200 to continue

200 (SHATTERSTAR FIGHTS THE THING!)

continue to read between here for star apparently being unable to stop kissing people. sigh. star sleeps with adult layla, which... sigh. whatever

207-208 (rictor and shatterstar semi-resolve the stupid biphobic plotline, resolve to work on their relationship, rahne discovers them (she and rictor had been sleeping together earlier in xfi), rahne is pregnant and homophobic, rahne and star fight, star is a delightful bitch)

209 (shatterstar on a pirate ship. that's it)

210 (rictor confirms that he is gay and it wasn’t legit when he’s been with women. there’s a moment where it's like "oh star makes rictor laugh" which is epic)

211-212 (star is said to be frustrated about rictor and rahne, rahne’s baby’s actual dad is revealed)

213 (rictor and rahne mostly resolve their shit)

216 (star and monet hang out, star thinks monet tells him to pee on rictor, spiderman is there)

217 (there’s a joke about the longstanding theory that longshot and star are related, monet is revealed as muslim in a very dumb way)

220 (star and rahne have a pretty nice conversation about their relationships to rictor and rahne’s faith. rictor does an offscreen internalized homophobia)

221 (star and rahne continue to hang out but it’s not as good as the previous issue.)

222 (oh my god, rictor cares about shatterstar being hurt! rahne owns up to how she kind of treated rictor like shit!)

pop over to avengers: the children’s crusade (a young avengers miniseries with good ol’ billy/teddy and i like it! but if you don’t want to read the whole thing - rictor and shatterstar appear in #6, and rictor is the first mutant to be repowered! they’re more tender with each other over their five page appearance than they are in xfi, so it’s a balm)

225-226 (PAD decides the first thing rictor does with his powers is be a scab [DEEP SIGH], rictor and shatterstar discuss rictor getting his powers back, the biphobic plotline is resolved again kind of in a very PAD-y way)

235-236 (shatterstar gets to be the main character of a mini arc. fights a mojo guy)

238 (ricstar go with rahne to help her find her son)

242 (they find her son. not as important imo)

248 (oh my god... they joke together :) they like being around each other :) also shatterstar goodboy moment. then in 249 rictor’s life is spared bc of shatterstar’s goodboy moment)

259 (SHATTERSTAR’S CRAZY CONVOLUTED BACKSTORY THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS TO HIS CHARACTER! YAHOO! and star has a cute little bob)

after xfi wraps up, there’s a couple years of limbo before they appear in secret warriors (2017) #2-3 (end of #2 and most of #3), which is a big crossover event or something. i don’t know, it’s an inhumans comic, and as an xmen person i am contractually obligated to roll my eyes at the inhumans. ricstar both have mustaches, star doesn’t speak, and rictor has the ugliest costume ever (green tracksuit with no socks??) (tabby also has a terrible costume). it’s just more inhumans trying to be a match to the xmen and utterly failing to not look & act like total jackasses (except, of course, for kamala and moon girl). rictor’s jokes that daisy johnson should get more original powers (she also has seismic powers - rictor predates her!), and then daisy blows up the xmen’s jet. while it’s in the air. this is a very neat summary of most mutant-inhuman relations.

now we enter the current era of “on again off again” relationship limbo.

rictor appears next in iceman (2017). in #9 he states that he and star have apparently broken up offscreen! and then he hits on bobby! sina grace is a cool person but this writing decision is so... aghhh. the next issue he and bobby go out on a date and he’s immediately like “yeah i only have my eyes on star”, so it seems to be more “it’s complicated” than “we’re broken up for good.” he sticks around to help out with a mission in #10-11.

they’re on again in new mutants: dead souls, where rictor is a part of the team and he’s hilarious and has so many great lines! shatterstar also makes a couple cameos throughout and they’re all super sweet! they seem very domestic and comfortable and happy, i love their dynamic in this. my favorite shatterstar panel ever is in #6, where he is making rictor pancakes and is only wearing an apron. please ignore all the big plot things that happen at the end of this, especially everything with karma. they are stupid, dumb, and do not matter.

related to nm:ds, rictor appears in multiple man #1 as part of that team and looks very very cute. and he isn’t whitewashed like in nm:ds!

off again in the shatterstar (2018) miniseries. i have a lot of mixed feelings about this because i LOVE all the rictor stuff, the first issue codes shatterstar as autistic in a very characterful way, it doesn’t whitewash rictor for once, and the covers are GORGEOUS! but it also attempts to retcon a ton of star’s emotional backstory AND arc set out in xforce, casting a black woman as his emotionally manipulative ex. also star is a landlord (ew). my advice with this one is to treat all the flashbacks as not-really-canon since they suck.

star appears in extermination (2018) #3-4 and gets mind-controlled into trying to kill the time-displaced teen o5 (timetraveling baby cable is trying to put them back where they came from), and the art looks great and i feel really bad for him. rictor makes a follow-up cameo in uncanny x-men (2019) #9-10, where you can see that he’s at the school in order to visit shatterstar since he’s with cecelia reyes. he then goes to fight nate grey/x-man, where he gets sucked into the age of x-man pocket universe/event.

around half the xmen get trapped and brainwashed in that pocket universe where there is no love or family, merely friendship and comradery (it’s an attempt by nate grey to ‘fix’ the xmen by getting rid of all the soap opera stuff - it’s a bit meta wrt how xmen are the soap opera superheroes). there are a couple different titles for this event: rictor appears in age of x-man: x-tremists #4-5. people have mixed feelings about this title due to the gay characters (northstar and iceman) enforcing no-romance laws that very intentionally parallel anti-gay laws from real life, but rictor is just chilling and running an illegal romance movies theatre, and then he gets drunk and then starts a riot and he’s just delightful in this.

everyone outside of the pocket universe thinks everyone who disappeared was killed. shatterstar is part of the team in x-force (2019) (there are two 2019 x-forces: this is vol 5, written by ed brisson) who are trying to track down young cable (baby cable, or “bable”), who killed older cable, who formed good old 90s xforce. boom-boom is the best part of this entire run, hands down. the art is expressive and interesting but i Hate how they draw warpath (the one time he’s free from comic book limbo!). shatterstar is in full “i only like fighting please let me fight i am a difficult asshole” mode, and talks about grieving rictor in #7 and #10. this is never really resolved since age of x-man is thrown over for hoxpox (BIG status quo changes & current era of xmen comics), but aside from my little ricstar heart i can’t really mind.

rictor is currently appearing as part of the team in excalibur (2019), and has been very... cozy... with apocalypse. at the time of writing (halloween 2020), it’s very heavily ambiguous what exactly their relationship is besides “intense” and i still have no clue what to think about it. he and star have been stated by the writer to be exes, but i also know tini howard is a ricstar fan so im holding out for good things! and it’s cool that rictor is getting a ton of focus and a lot of powering up. i remember reading xfi #1 and being amazed at how rictor described how soul-deep his earth powers were and wanting more of that, and excalibur has that for him in spades. (i am still withholding a lot of judgment wrt rictor’s writing in excalibur until i see how things pan out)

after reading to excalibur #12, switch over to x-factor (2020). read the first three issues because i love northstar and prodigy and rachel. please ignore a couple cringe comments towards poor daken. shatterstar appears in #3, trapped on mojoworld, getting traumatized, and breaking my heart as i write this. that last data page... free my boy!!!!

after x-factor #3, read x of swords: creation. more rictor and apocalypse being Close. after that, read x-factor #4 for apocalypse being very Attached to rictor, and then rictor looking very good and freshly resurrected. then continue reading excalibur. in may, x-factor is going back to mojoworld!!

that’s all there is so far! i think within the next year there will be even more content for us, and im very eager to get to that content. i will update this post as things come out.

[thetorturerwrites]

Lamb: Ch 4 - I’ll Be Good

***This amazing artwork was gifted to me by @elmidol​​. Please do not re-use or re-post it without permission from them and/or myself. Don’t be a dickbag.

Previous Chapter

Summary: “Say that again.”

His voice was gruff, gravely, but it wasn’t as filled with hate. You blinked up at him through wet lashes and sniffled in the most unattractive way. He brushed his pristine thumb across your dirty mouth. Striving to calm yourself, you looked away, but he wouldn’t have it. He turned your face back to front and met your scared stare with a level one.

“I s-said I’ll be good.”

Word Count: 3.9k

Pleased with his creation, Grandfather Sky Walker gave to the brothers a commandment: Fill my cosmos. Illuminate the farthest reaches with life.

Solo created First Man from mud, molding limbs and lungs in his own likeness. Imbued with divine spark, First Man lived but could not find balance. In heat, he dried to death; in moisture, he was shapeless.

Second Man was made of wood and could hold his shape but could not live. Once cut from the mother tree, he was inanimate, unable to carry the spark.

It was his brother, Ren, who counseled the Light Bringer to give of himself to create life. 

One… two... three... four...

The grand clock carved into the wall chimed, shaking the walls, the floor, even your teeth. You glanced up from your book and glowered at the damnable thing.

You sat across from it, on the floor and tucked up into a corner. Trying to count the seconds between minutes morphed into trying to count the minutes between hours. Your determination bordered on obsession. Your head ached; your eyes felt doubly heavy, but you had to figure out the method to his madness if only to stave off your own.

To your surprise, The Ren allowed you to wander his keep; and in doing so, you discovered this monstrosity of a timepiece and that he did track its interminable, never-ending crawl. There was no way to know, however, if he did so in the conventional way as he dodged every question you put to him. It was always dark here, and it was a reasonable assumption that he marked the millennia in his own way.

Unable to work out his pattern, you abandoned the bid for your Scripture, choosing to pass the time, whatever it may be, with something familiar. But the cherished memories lifted from the words did not soothe you the way you’d hoped.

By your likely misguided calculations, ‘not today’ turned out to be not tomorrow, either. Or the next day. Or the day after that.

You did not see much of The Ren beyond that first day. After your healing bath, he deposited you in a room to sleep and disappeared. He’d been gone almost the entire time since then, only showing up to spare you five minutes. He would descend upon the room, wrap you up into his arms, and silence every attempt you made at drawing a single detail from him by kissing you senseless.

Each time his lips laid hungry claim to your mouth, you wondered if he was actually, truly touch starved. His hands roamed, fingertips luring your body into breathless response. The taste of his tongue drove you into the sort of mindless whimpering you assumed only existed for other people, it having been so absent from your own life. Decadently sweet, you all but sucked his tongue like a lollipop until something deeper, richer took over the luscious taste.

Dates. Almonds. Iron.  It was elusive and intoxicating.

And then, he would go. It was the second day before you’d noticed it. He left soon after that coppery caramel slid down into your throat, and you didn’t see him until he wanted your mouth again.

He did nothing but kiss and half-grope you, however, and it was unnerving. What he said to you rattled around your brain endlessly. ‘You’re not ready.’ Three words set your insides to warring.  Of course you were ready. You knew what to do. Didn’t you? What was it about him, specifically, that would demand you be more ready? What, exactly, did you need to be ready for? His dick? His child? The end of your life?

He rounded the corner to your little alcove just as you snorted in annoyance. You leapt to your feet and brushed away imaginary dust. Cocking a brow, he hummed and looked you over from head to toe. Following his line of sight to the meeting of your thighs, you flushed and tugged the hem of his shirt further down. He hadn’t given you anything else to wear, and you’d found what you believed to be his things in the room farthest from yours.

It was thievery or nudity, and you opted for breaking whatever laws he might have.

“You’re here!” You fidgeted, cheeks burning under his perusal. He took a step toward you, flattening you against the wall. “I.. I’m sorry about the shirt. I had nothing el--”

He quieted your babbling with a smothering kiss, capping off your surprise. Wrapping both hands around your backside, he lifted you up and into him until your toes nearly left the ground. You mewled and clung to the undersides of his arms, already pliant and ready from just the first sweep of his lips. He didn’t even have to demand entry; your mouth parted for him naturally, eagerly. 

He was your drug, coaxing you to surrender with each caress of his tongue.

When finally he broke the kiss, he tucked your hand between his thighs, helping you palm the growing erection.

“Should I cut off this offending hand?”

His voice was thick like honey, and it stuck to the most debauched parts of you, pushing you fast to a throb you could scarcely ignore. You couldn’t help it; you shook your head and squeezed the rigid column against your palm.  The pleased noise he made, the step he took to press more of himself to you, the flash of his eyes—all of it wound you up into this bliss, this euphoric dizziness. It would only be a breath before the next kiss.

“How,” you tipped your head away just before his mouth connected, “how was your day?”

He ignored you and captured your lips again. He licked them open and curled his tongue against yours. You sighed happily; he was opium in your veins. He dug his fingers into the globes of your ass until you squeaked and matched the noise with a rumble deep in his chest. He nipped and tugged at your lower lip until you moaned and squirmed.

“My days aren’t your concern, lamb.”

You blinked at the outright condescension, the jolt of reality into what could otherwise be a romantic moment. Taking advantage of your befuddlement, his heavenly mouth started a fresh trail down along your jaw to lick and suck at your pulse. As though to punctuate his desire for your mindlessness, he covered your hand with his and worked your palm against his length until he grunted with satisfaction.

Cursing, you waded through the mush in your brain, pushed at his shoulder, and twisted your neck out from under his marking teeth.

“Please…” You inched onto your toes to make yourself just a little less infantile. “I... I don’t have anybody to talk to. All I do is wait here and cry. You’re always gone, and you never tell me anyth--”

He bit into your throat so hard you punched him in the shoulder on reflex. Lifting his face, he threaded rigid fingers into your hair and jerked your head back against the wall with a thud. You winced and shut your eyes to hide from his ire. Would he ever think of you as more than a child?

“This is no fairy tale. You’re no princess.” He shook your head side to side until you opened watery eyes to look. You didn’t miss how his own gaze dropped to your wobbly lips. “You’re not here to play house.  You have one purpose only.”

“I’m not doing that either, am I?”

Insanity, you thought.  This was insanity. The snap in your voice echoed in the little hallway.  You pushed at his chest and tried to shrink out of his tight embrace. It terrified you that he would make good on your bargain; and at the same time, the very fact he hadn’t done so aggravated you.

The ferocious look that crossed his beautiful features dried out your mouth, forced you to swallow the tantrum you’d been building. He sneered at your feeble attempt to push at his chest; and even though you knew it was an awful idea, you vomited words anyway.

“If you won’t talk to me,” you nodded, as though you could mirror gesture him into agreeing with what you were about to say, “you could just let me leave for a little wh--”

“No.”

He slammed you back into the wall, lifting you clean off of your feet.  His features darkened, greying into haunted, and his ebony hair seemed to undulate. Stone fingers gouged bruises into your flesh, and it felt as though the very air in the room fled with the shift of his mood.

“I don’t mean leave leave.” You stammered and wriggled in his clutches like trapped prey. “You could go with--”

“NO!”

His bark crashed off the slate walls. Thunder cracked overhead, and you lifted a panicked stare to a black, foreboding ceiling. The expanse of his keep was closing in on you, stealing every atom of oxygen and launching you fast towards mania.

“You’re. Not. Leaving.”

The constriction at your throat stunted what little sense you had left. Foolishly, childishly, you barrelled on, but you could no longer tell if you were trying to placate the beast or truly escape.

“Please, if you would just let me go out--”

In the blink of an eye, you were dangling in frigid, open air just as you’d asked.  Frantically looking about, you realized you hung just inches away from The Demarcation, the border to his territory, and his fingers wrapped so tight around the jagged collar you thought he was sure to break it. You clawed at his forearm and desperately tried to fight free.

“Fine. You want to go?”

The absolute malice in his voice laced your every blood cell with fear. His eyes settled into a steely gray just as onyx lightning split the sky behind him. Knowing what came next only made it more difficult to bear. Horror paralyzed you, stopped your very voice cold. You couldn’t even plead for his mercy.

“Go.”

It happened almost in slow motion, and you wondered if it was so he could watch the abject terror roll across your features. He launched you through The Demarcation, threw you away like garbage he no longer wanted to clutter his beautiful land.

You were dying before you even hit the ground. Arched up into a painful bow, your chest seized, no longer obeying your brain’s order to breathe. Your throat swelled shut until you produced only frothy, warbled wheezes. The wounds at your arm and leg spilled over, the spell he put upon you eviscerated.

In minutes, you’d undone the deal you worked so hard to secure. All of your prayers and sacrifice had been for nothing, trampled by your irrational mortal fear. 

The Ren was right. You were witless.

Thrashing away from the too-bright sun, you fought to your hands and knees, face burning and eyes bulging. You wouldn’t make it back to that blessed silver curtain, but you strained for it regardless, crawling a few paces towards it before your body buckled. Collapsing into a filthy, bloody heap, you tipped your face up to that beautiful marker and stretched your fingers to it, begging once more.

“Da--”

It was the last and only sound you made.  Your eyes dulled against the vibrant colors he’d tossed you to. Your fingers grew lax, muscles giving up the fight. Your already comatose heartbeat slowed further, drawing to its end.

Right on that line, right before you were too far gone, the part of his land still wrapped around your neck hearkened to his call.

You scraped over rocks and branches as it dragged you back to him. Just on the inside of the boundary, your chest seized again; but this time, it was from your lungs being jarred back into rhythm.

Your mind raced back into your body. As your senses came back, you howled in pain and scrambled away from him as far and as fast as you could. You shoved yourself between a thorny bush and a tree trunk, aiming to make yourself as small a target as physically possible. You exploded into tears and a litany of apologies and reasonings that fused into an incoherent mess.

He crossed over to you, fists clenching and unclenching. Twigs and bare branches crackled and snapped at his nearness. Leaves that turned their faces to his grace before cowered and curled into themselves in the face of his anger. 

He certainly meant to toss you out again; and when he reached for you, you shrieked and lifted your hands to bat him away.

“Please! No, I’ll be good! Nono!”

With your head burrowed so far down into your arms, you didn’t see him crouch next to you. Nor did you see the array of expressions flitting across his face. The touch that came wasn’t angry as you expected; it was careful. He uncovered your head and lifted your chin.

“Say that again.”

His voice was gruff, gravely, but it wasn’t as filled with hate. You blinked up at him through wet lashes and sniffled in the most unattractive way. He brushed his pristine thumb across your dirty mouth. Striving to calm yourself, you looked away, but he wouldn’t have it. He turned your face back to front and met your scared stare with a level one.

“I s-said I’ll be good.”

He shook his head ever so slightly, and your face crumpled into a mess of ugly all over again at his displeasure. Slowly, he smoothed the lines on your forehead, just as he had before. It wasn’t gentle; it was more that he seemed to dislike them and didn’t want them there.

“Before that, lamb.”

If he meant to calm you, his instruction had the opposite effect. Your body quaked under the effort to contain the sobs; and when you tried to speak, they broke loose. 

He wanted you to apologize some more. He wanted to hear you beg for his kindness. Shriveling further back, you jerked away from his hands because he would only get angry all over again.  Silent, unwavering, he dug his fingers into the bony part of your knee, the command implicit. 

You choked on the dread but obeyed, smart enough, finally, to learn the lesson.

“I said I’m sorry.” You had to stop to expel the worried breath you’d been nurturing. “I said I only wanted to go outside.”

You saw his features change this time, and you watched as his clenched fists eased. It was almost surprise you saw playing at the corners of his eyes, and you stared, mesmerized, as the storm clouds around his pupils abated. Pressing his pillowy lips into a hard line, he nodded and reached out to grasp your upper arms, digging in when you attempted to wrestle free.

“Take a breath. This will hurt.”

You chittered an objection, but he only directed your gaze to your sides. In your lunacy, you’d wedged yourself directly into a Crown of Thorns bush, and a multitude of its offerings now decorated and pierced your clammy skin. You hadn’t felt a single thorn, so complete was your meltdown.

Any further hysterics would only worsen your situation. If the bath’s temperature changed with your fear, you pictured these thorns lengthening with it, shredding you for your foolishness. Battling yourself to stillness, you plastered your stare to the very center of his torso and took as even of a breath as you could muster. Turning loose fingers to tight fists, you tried to ground and ready yourself. 

Abruptly, he stood, tearing you from the offending foliage. To be brave, you chewed the inside of your cheek to keep from crying out, but some emotion and pain still spilled over your stained cheeks and chin. He set you on your feet but held you through the off-balance sway and buckle of your knees.

You couldn’t bring yourself to look up at him because you didn’t know what to do now. He told you before that he would not keep saving you from your own stupidity, and you wagered this counted as high on the stupid list. He’d also literally thrown you out of not only his keep, where the magic healing bath was, but his very land. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do.”

It was scarcely more than a whisper, and the honesty you poured into that one sentence shocked even you. But what else could you do? You weren’t alive any longer. To leave here meant the end of existence. You also weren’t getting any nearer to your goal, the promise he withheld.

“Take this off.”

Deft fingers tugged the hem of his shirt up over your hip, but you dared not blink, beg, or even breathe. You fought the impulse to squirm and shucked the thing slowly, trying in vain to not vocalize your discomfort as the thing jostled and disrupted the thorns in your flesh. 

Despite your nervousness, your body warmed for him, swelling and tightening in all the right places. Your sex pulsed. Your nipples stiffened. Saliva pooled under your tongue. 

And all you could think was that maybe he would finally fuck you.

“Have you always been such a stupid girl?”

The question shocked you from your stupor and drew up your head. He crowded into your space and obscured the extravagant, amazing, twilight-tinted details just beyond with his flawless face and indescribable beauty. His voice was no longer poisonous; rather, it was almost puzzled, weighted with something you likened to fascination.

Compared to his forever of unwavering duty, you were just another free-willed human, a wee babe in the face of divinity. Could it be that your curiosity, your recklessness captivated him? Interrupted the monotony of eternity with just a bit of idiotic life?

You had no answer. Yes, you’d always been a stupid girl. Yes, to him, you would always be a stupid girl. But you couldn’t bring yourself to say it, even if it would appease the only particular god you wanted to grant you favors. 

“Close your eyes.”

Pinching your chin lightly, he tipped your face up further, thumbing your lower lip until you parted both. This time, you were certain you heard it — the ‘good girl’ barely on his breath. It slithered through you and liquefied each nerve and neuron. You wanted to hear him say it again, to make him say it again.

Your lashes fluttered against hot cheeks, and you were just about to disobey, just about to open your eyes when you felt something warm on your lips, wet but tacky. Your tongue darted out to test it, finding that familiar taste he always gave you right before he left.

Crestfallen, you forced your lips together so they wouldn’t quiver and nodded. He would leave you to... whatever you were supposed to do here. Pull out the thorns one by one, you guessed. Sleep on the ground. Live on the outskirts until he tired of you.

The brush of his thumb came again, though, along with a new smudge of that sticky, dark honey. Your temperature skyrocketed, and you hitched up onto your toes on a whimper. You clutched at the shirt covering his ribs to keep yourself upright; and when the third smear of that ambrosia came, you felt the very second you caught fire.

It was velvet down your scratchy throat, a sizzle in your fingertips and toes, and electricity throughout every muscle and bone. Beads of sweat sprung up to mingle with goosebumps, and your breath quickened to match the pounding tempo of your heart. On a low moan, you licked the last remnants away and bit at your own lip, lamenting the absence of that exquisite taste.

He rewarded the sensuous sounds you made with a scorching kiss, and you fell headlong into his lips, his arms, his body. Brazen, drunkenly bold, you wrapped your arms tight around his neck and molded yourself to him. 

Too soon, the pleasant flames licking at your insides tipped over to needling, a constant stinging just beneath skin that suddenly felt too tight, too itchy. Tingling turned to angry pins and needles, and you hopped from one foot to the other. 

“Burns,” you whimpered it against his mouth. “Hurts.”

He cradled your head and wrapped his arm so tight around your middle that you could scarcely breathe, but it kept you from wiggling free to run rabid into something else stupid. You tangled twitching fingers into his soft curls just to have something to hold on to as the fever he put upon you raged hotter.

“It’s what happens to stupid girls who don’t mind their surroundings.” 

He mouthed the admonishment into your jaw line, not even disconnecting to speak. Even through your torment, you brooded, which only earned you a derisive chuckle, but he made you forget the self-pity with another candied taste of his tongue.

His clothes were too rough; his body was too solid. The tight embrace he trapped you in was too suffocating; it stoked the inferno inside your core. Panic rose up to dance with desire, and adrenaline sent you reeling. Your delighted chirps and whimpers toppled over into anxious objections. You contorted inside your delectable cage, suddenly needing to get away, be apart.

It was too much. He was too much.

He gripped and parted your buttocks, keeping you pinned. The chilly air lapped at your heated entrance and swirled around your tight pucker. It was just different enough, just the right balance to soothe your worry. You moaned shamelessly and rubbed against him like a feline in heat. He let your ass cheeks drop with a bounce and delivered a slap so hard to the left side that you hiccuped.

Breaking the sexy spell, he ceased his attack and nudged at your nose with his.

“Better?”

Finally brave enough to open your eyes, your breath caught at the sight of him. He also flushed from arousal. His lips were just as kiss-swollen. His eyes blazed, kaleidoscopes of craving flitting from color to color.

It did something to you to know you’d done that. You’d roused death to the whirlwind of living want and need.

“Mmhmm.” You stared at his mouth for a long, long time, working up the courage to ask. “Still not ready?”

He said nothing. In that silence, he searched your face for something you weren’t sure he would see. When finally he shook his head no, you licked your lips and looked over his shoulder to the billowing divide.

“Can I,” you faltered, not sure you could deliver but aching to try, “can I do something for you?” 

Your question caught him off guard. You watched it play out on his face, something almost like appeasement, pride.

“Another time.” He smirked and set you down, pulling your arms from his neck. “Let me see you.”

Your brow furrowed, and you nearly crossed your arms in petulant defiance. He had whipped you into such a frenzy that you’d forgotten all about the thorns embedded in your tender flesh until he bent to brush away mud and grime from your outer thigh.

You gasped and started feeling yourself all over, hands rubbing where there should be wounds. Astonishingly, there was not a single thorn to be found. Whatever he’d fed you had ground them to nothing more than dirt, and he had spared you from the worst of it with all that delicious distraction.

Gratitude danced on the tip of your tongue, but he scooped you up into his arms before you could let it loose. Tucking your head under his chin, you curled into his chest and did your best to keep quiet.

If he was carrying you home, you didn’t want him to change his mind.

But when did it become home?

[viole-tmoon]

Lamia

- summary: jungkook is a vampire hunter looking to party and wants his crush. oc is a vampire who just got cheated on. what could go wrong

- genre: angst

- word count: 4k

- notes: IN PART 3 THIS FIC CHANGES TO A READER INSERT. lmk what you think! this is a reupload from my old account that got deleted. i renamed this fic!! 

- warnings: vampire fic, indecent exposure, public nudity, talking through a bathroom door, possible death mentions(i don’t remember right now), alcohol mentions and usage, cheating, sex mentions

masterlist - part 1 - part 2 - part 3

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“I’m not gonna drink your piss,” I said sipping on my vodka tonic as I watched Sana point her bottle towards me. She rolled her eyes and picked at the glitter that was all over her boobs.

“It’s just Bud Light. I don’t like it just as much as you do,” she said still obsessed with the annoying glitter. I could almost feel glitter sinking into my hair from watching her. 

As I continued to stare at Sana’s boobs, I saw from the corner of my eyes my ex, who had broken up with me less than three days ago, kissing another girl. 

I was going to puke.

“What’s wrong?” Sana inquired. “Does this push up bra make me look too thirsty?”

I heard her but I couldn’t understand a word she said. I was watching the guy who almost proposed to me tongue punch a girl I was pretty sure was a freshman. 

I wanted to die. I wanted to die.

“Hey,” Sana said snapping my attention back to her. I nodded, eyes glued to the scene before me, and sat my drink on the counter behind us. Sana eventually got the memo and turned to the scene as well.

“Oh my God,” Sana said. “And I thought he had to ‘work things out’.”

“Shut up,” I nearly shouted. I knew I was being selfish and I didn’t care. I snatched my purse off of the counter. “I’m going to the bathroom...”

I could feel my best friend staring at me. It hurt more than she could ever know to feel her pity.

I knew she wanted the best for me but I’d never felt so much pain at once because of someone who I thought loved me. Her eyes asked if I was okay but I wasn’t at all and I wasn’t going to be. I wanted to scream at him and make a scene but my face was red with confused anger and I could feel my tears already falling. I needed to leave. Unfortunately, it was one of my oldest friends, Jongin’s, party so I couldn’t leave without hearing about it tomorrow and being asked every goddamn question in the world. 

Why was this was happening to me?

I was so sure he loved me too. All I thought we needed was a break. I thought we could be happy. I thought we were meant to be beyond time and space. I thought he was my one. Sure we’d broken up a few times but he’d never done that. The scene flashed before me again as I waded through the masses of my colleagues. I was conscious of the weight of their eyes on me. They were probably wondering what was wrong and why did I seem as if I were going to cry? Jongin noticed me and I rushed away. I didn’t want to deal with anyone other than myself right now.

.........................................................................................................................................................

{Jungkook}

“A man’s car is his life,” I said, watching my elder spray paint ‘Learn how to park’ in bright green on some poor fuck’s car. Yoongi had his tongue poked out as he observed his masterpiece. 

“If it’s his life he should take better care of it,” Yoongi said turning around and putting his hand on his juniors shoulder. 

I scratched at my forehead beneath my red cap and let the sound of leaves crunching under my shoes drown out the party. Yoongi was way too quick to anger sometimes, everyone knew it and he had quite a few enemies because of that. I watched Yoongi step closer to his friend's house, I could see that it was brimming with people. They were an hour late because Jin and Namjoon asked them to go to the store to pick up an exorbitant amount of Mountain Dew and 7up. Apparently, Jin was going to ‘surprise’ his ex who had recently left him for their professor.

“Anyways, I heard Jennie was going to be here,” Yoongi spouted as he opened the glass-paned door to the two-story house. He glanced at me with a knowing smile. Jennie was one of the few girls I had ever been interested in actually dating. She just had something about her that made her seem perfect to me. Maybe it was her eyes or the way she smiled when talking about physics but I wanted her.

“Cool,” I said nonchalantly and he chuckled.

The party was fun, while I was sober. While I was detailing a few girls about some of the trouble I’d gotten into last weekend Yoongi found me and convinced me that I had to leave if I didn’t drink five shots: in a row. After that, I wasn’t sure where I was until, about an hour in, Jennie’s eyes pulled me in, requesting that I spend quality time with her. I plowed through the waves of students, stepping on a few shoes and splashing alcohol under my boots. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here,” she said, emphasizing the ‘you’.

“Really?” I said, examining her and edging in on her personal space. Jennie was usually annoyingly busy so I’d never had the chance to get to know her. She was also normally dating someone.

“You never seemed like the type,” she said with a smile. I really tried to not let people know about my personal life at university. Most people in class thought I went home and studied. Everyone I’d met outside of class had a very different picture of me.

“And what type do I seem like?”

“Like you don’t want to be here,” she said. Her face seemed closer than before and I couldn’t help but smile. 

“I mean, I can imagine of a few places I’d like to be,” I said to her and she giggled with her bright smile. We spoke for a few moments longer before I felt the consequences of those five shots and excused myself to the restroom.

On my way up the stairs, I noticed the long forming line next to the nearest bathroom and sighed. Jennie was probably getting chatted up by another guy already and that was all I could think about. I waited for a few moments before I noticed Jongin, Yoongi’s friend who was throwing the party, and asked, in a whisper, if there was anywhere else I could go. He pointed me upstairs and told me that there was a bathroom in his parent's room.

 When I finally found that room, it was hidden behind couples making out, I heard distinct wines and groaned echoing from the bathroom chamber. 

If it wasn’t one thing it was another. 

I knocked on the door, softly. I didn’t receive an answer so I waited and heard a girl continue to cry and talk on the phone to someone.

“Yeah, he kissed her and it was really hot and steamy,” a female voice said, followed by sniffles.

I want to die. 

Jennie was waiting downstairs for me and I needed to see her suck my dick at least once in my life. I couldn’t lose this opportunity because some girl was getting cheated on. I knocked again louder and more rapidly.

“Please solve this drama somewhere else,” anywhere else, “I have to piss,” I said.

“I’m sick,” the voice said with the saddest fake cough I’d heard in my life. The cough reverberated inside what I assumed was a large bathroom.

“Really?”

I heard a hiss at the door, kinky but not what I was really looking for at the moment, and she spoke again. I knew she was back on her phone. At this point, I would’ve been better off waiting in line. I banged my head on the door. I’d never see Jennie at this rate. I’d never have the chance to talk to her while she was single either. I sighed into the door. 

“When I sucked his dick that night I thought we were meant to be,” she said and I couldn’t help but smile at whatever this girl was going through as I banged my head on the wall, continuously, to let her know she was being overdramatic.

“Could you stop?”

“Nope,” I said still banging my head on the door and questioning my life’s purpose.

“You’re being an asshole, you know that?”

“You’re being a b-i-t-c-h,” I said. “Please, I really need to pee. I’m asking nicely.”

“I can’t leave here.”

“Just for like...two seconds, there’s no one around,” I said, but she had already started talking to her phone. 

I couldn’t wait any more and my dick was going to explode in the next few seconds if I didn’t relieve myself so I rushed down the steps. I watched the bathroom line and it had increased into the dining area. I searched for an exit until I spotted one to the left of the steps. I saw two large glass-paned windows filtered by a haze of smoke. I rushed over to the window panes and pushed them open. I gazed at the cerulean pool that reflected the waxing moon. The drizzling rain made ripples in the pool’s moon and I knew my night really wasn’t going to get any better. I eyed the bushes to the left of the pool and immediately ran there. I was finishing up when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

“Jungkook?” Jennie said. “I’ve be-”

.........................................................................................................................................................

I never wanted to hear Yoongi’s laugh ever again.

“So...let me get this straight,” Yoongi said in between fits of laughter. “She caught you .... outside .... with your whole dick out. The girl you’ve been talking about since school started.” 

Yoongi had been going over the events over and over as if he were a tape recorder. I kept remembering it through flashbacks that I never wanted or cared to see again. Her face was so red and she stammered over her words when I stupidly turned around with my dick out. 

“Can you please shut up,” I groaned. “I get it.”

“She probably won’t even remember.”

She did. 

The next time we spoke it was the most awkward conversation in the universe. She totally avoided my eyes entirely and talked about anything but last night and when the topic came up of if she had fun she went totally silent. Whoever that girl was had ruined any chance I had with her I hoped she burned in hell. 

.........................................................................................................................................................

{Avery}

I spread out my notebooks on the table and sighed while staring at them. History was my worst subject and I knew next to nothing. My next essay was 10 pages long and I knew I was going to fail this course. I was already on probation so I definitely needed all the help I could come by. 

Sana told me that she knew this tutor who helped her out a lot last semester and that she’d slept with him once. Apparently, he was a playboy. I tapped my pencil on the table and peeked at my phone. The guy was already 10 minutes late and I grew more restless with every passing second. I decided to scroll down Twitter with the few moments of freedom I had left. 

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” I heard the voice echo throughout the room. It seemed oddly familiar. I flipped through my book to the most recent page in my studies. ‘It’s fine,’ I murmured as I scanned the text for my most recently highlighted part. I didn’t even know where to begin, so this guy was a godsend for me. He scanned me over and introduced himself and I did the same. I sensed his gaze on me for a little longer than I thought was normal, so I looked up from my book.

“Do you know Jongin?” He asked as I picked my head up. “Or Yoongi?”

I shook my head and answered that I knew Jongin.

He bit his lip and nodded at his backpack. He opened it and scattered his studying objects onto our now shared table. I looked them over, eyeing them for any more details on his personality. I sighed when all I could spot were ‘ordinary’ things you’d find in any university student’s backpack. I saw pieces of scattered notebook paper, a binder, a few pencils, a textbook, and a small black book. No panties or anything interesting. 

“You just seem familiar, what high school did you go to?” He asked.

I told him and he still scratched the back of his head. He glanced over his pile before I noticed a small ‘aha’ smile on his face but I wasn’t really interested in finding out more. He seemed like the type of guy to play with you and throw you out like you were a cat’s new toy. 

I needed to ask Sana to clarify if this guy was a tutor or someone she had only fucked because he did not care in the least bit what was going on. He said that my questions made no sense and that I was grasping at straws with all of my opinions but he refused to clarify any of my questions or even put me on the right path. I groaned as I watched the clock slog on past an hour and he began putting his books away. 

“So, that’s it?” I said tapping my pen on the desk. I couldn’t help but deem this as a huge waste of my time.

“Yep, I did the best I could, good luck on your test, you’re gonna need it.”

I could only stare at this guy. While watching him I noticed how his brown hair lit up in the white light of our study box and how his pink lips curved as he put away his utensils. He was too attractive. It was almost as if he were an angel.

“I just .... don’t think you actually came here to help me, Jungkook.”

At that statement, he stared at me with a profound amount of incredulity, as if he’d never had someone be so straightforward to him.

“Why do you think that?” he asked.

I told him.

“Ah.”

“Did you like .... lose a girlfriend or something? .... Or do you just not know what you’re doing?” I said while fiddling with my pencil. I had a certain amount of rage inside me. I wasn’t going to let an asshole screw me over. I was so close to graduating and I couldn’t let him get in my way.

“Sana told me you were good and I don’t think she would lie to me .... Look I really need th-,”

“I don’t really give a shit,” he said. It was almost as if we were in a game and his true personality came out. Some part of me was surprised, at this outcome, but most of me was frustrated. 

“Why would you tutor me if you were just going to show up and do nothing.”

“I like getting paid.”

I rolled my eyes, “Please,” I begged. “I really can’t fail this.”

“It’s just a midterm.”

I rolled my eyes and in frustration threw a piece of paper at the door when he closed it, “Fuck you.”

.........................................................................................................................................................

“I wanna die,” I said and leaned on her best friend’s shoulder. I couldn’t believe I was going to fail my history midterm all because of a stupid guy. Sana stroked my hair, while Jihyo watched, and cooed to me that it was going to be okay and that there were plenty of tutors out there.  

“You said he was the best you’d ever had,” I whined. A part of me was worried that she might have meant that specifically sexually but I had no clue. I drank until I couldn’t feel my face and whined to Sana and Jihyo about how I was never going to graduate.

When I had turned away from the bar to get drinks for my friends I bumped into a hard chest. I managed to get half of my beverages on his white shirt. Fuck, was the only word going through my head. I shot out a ‘Sorry’, but immediately regretted it when I looked up and noticed that he held the same scowl I had seen less than 6 hours ago. I wanted to die but I also smiled at the karmic resolution the universe had placed before me. 

“So—rry,” I said slowly, as I stared at his white shirt with a pout.

“Jesus Christ, Avery,” Jungkook said while pulling on the hem of his now discolored shirt. I let out a tiny smile at his dismay.

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t be such a baby,” I said as I grabbed the nearest paper towels and pressed them on his shirt. I felt the impression of his abs underneath and was surprised by how sculpted they were. I stopped pondering for a moment before I heard an ‘ahem’ coming from the annoying guy. I pouted when I noticed that his shirt refused to return to its original state. “Let me get these .... drinks to my friends and we’ll figure something out.”

.........................................................................................................................................................

I stared at the washer and then inspected Jungkook who was in my father’s largest white. He seemed ridiculously cute to have such a bad personality.  I didn’t feel bad at all when I rinsed detergent all over his precious shirt that he had complained about all the way up here. 

“If it doesn’t come out you owe me so much money,”

“How much could a white button-up cost?”

“It’s a Kanye West or-ig-i-nal,” he stated as he sipped on the beer can he’d stolen from my tiny refrigerator. I couldn’t believe this asshole ruined my entire day and college career.

“You know you can go to your dorm and wait,” I said pushing open the laundromat door.

“And miss out on the free alcohol you owe me? No way,” he said.

.........................................................................................................................................................

As soon as I opened my dorm door he spotted my refrigerator once again, much to my chagrin. This guy was going to drink me out of a house and home. I sat on my bed and opened my laptop while I watched him open another can. 

“You really don’t remember me do you?” he said in the most drawled out tone. My bed shifted under his weight. 

“As the worst tutor I’ve ever had? Of course, I do.”

At that statement, he threw the rest of his body onto my bed and I knew I needed him out of my bedroom before I strangled him. He came in here as if he owned the place.

“You,” he said while drunkenly waving a finger in my vague direction, “kept me away from my future girlfriend.” I was glad when I saw that he was losing his ability to speak but upset when he decided my bed was the perfect place to rest.

I made a face of incredulity at his statement and decided to pry his beer from his drunk hand. “Ok .... That’s enough for you,” I said. He must’ve had me confused with someone who gave a shit.

“Maybe even wife .... whatever dude ....,” he said grasping for my drink as I pulled it away from him. He muttered out a few words before falling fully asleep in my room.

.........................................................................................................................................................

{Jungkook}

I was pretty sure I was in a girl’s room. 

Which girl I had no clue. 

I stretched over in the empty bed and searched frantically to no avail for my phone.

“You talk in your sleep and cuddle a lot,” Avery said over the sound of rushing waters to which I let out a ‘huh.’ She came into my view wearing my shirt. What the fuck? I thought as I stared at my dick. Dude!!! I put my hand over my face and peered back at her. She looked really cute in it. Too cute. She wore it as if it belonged to her. I couldn’t help but think about ripping it off of her, for multiple unspecified reasons. 

“Um, did I? Did we?” A lot of me was pissed that I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants with a girl that I hated, but watching her in that made me reconsider. She giggled and I was scared yet excited for her answer

“Yeah, you proposed to me,” she said and covered her face as if she were embarrassed. I felt all of the life drain of me. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with me? When was drunk me going to realize that there are consequences to my actions? The onslaught of giggles made me reconsider my descent into madness. 

“Dude, you’re so gullible,” she said, unbuttoning my shirt. A certain part of me grew in anticipation for the outcome of her actions but I pouted when I found out that she had a shirt underneath. 

“We didn’t have sex...You did try to cuddle me a ton,” Avery said before gliding her way to her bathroom. “You owe me, like, 10 study sessions, dude. You’re welcome,” she said. I was left with my thoughts before she peeked her head back in. “Also, I told Jennie you were gay,” she said with a snigger. 

My whole body froze.

“You’re literally the most gullible person on the planet,” she said while throwing her head back in ungodly laughter.

.........................................................................................................................................................

{Avery}

The first few times we studied I was exhilarated at the pace at which he taught me. After the events of last week, he seemed way more inclined to help me in my struggles. I was surprised by how organized and studious he was in contrast to his asshole exterior. He showed me how he kept track of his ideas and why I needed to study at least once a day. This was our last study session so I needed it to be in a quiet environment, so we decided on his room.

“Did Jennie talk to you today?”

“This isn’t going to help you,” Jungkook said as he watched me answer questions on the quiz he’d created for me. I sighed at the feeling of his scrutinizing gaze on me. I was glad that he was helping me but it felt as if I were in boot camp. The boy didn’t know when to take a break, his energy was overwhelming. I could tell he was leaning in closer when I smelt his musky honey scent creeping in.

“You’re probably not going to understand this one,” he said as he pointed at the question.

“I feel like it’s .... George Washington?”

“You’re closer than .... Napoleon?”

I sighed as I rubbed my finger on the desk. I was really glad for his help. I sensed his shadow creep in on my personal space and heard his chair roll closer to me.

“So, what do you suspect the answer is?” he asked. I could tell he was teasing me and I wasn’t able to focus on my memory. 

I groaned, “Could I get a hint?”

“Do you really think I’m going to give you a hint,” he asked while watching my emotions run over the question he had asked me. I pouted at my page.

“Yes...?” I sighed. We’d been working really hard to make sure I understood everything and I still couldn’t comprehend it. I sat my forehead on my desk. I felt him pull my chair closer to him and I had completely forgotten my last few thoughts. 

“I just feel like you’re stressing yourself out over nothing.”

“Mmm,” I let out. I was more than tired and had considered drinking coffee for the first time in at least two years. I turned my face so that my cheek sat on my cool desk and peered at his big bunny eyes. I noticed his arm wrap around my waist and he started speaking again, but I couldn’t tell what he was saying, I was obsessed with the way his touch felt against my shirt and how cozy his hand felt. I couldn’t stop staring at his lips.

“This is something you should focus on,” he said while pointing at my book. He watched me and I was sure he could tell I was dazed and confused. His lips turned into a grin before he pulled his face to my ear.

“I don’t think you’re listening,” he said, into my earlobe. I was surprised by his closeness and my goosebumps raised. I let out an ‘mmm’ and ‘I am’ absentmindedly. He pulled my chair until I was flush against him. I wanted to whine in embarrassment but I couldn’t even let that croak out of me.  He pulled away from me and my body missed the warmth he presented. My face slid so that my forehead was back on the table to avoid his gaze.

“It’s okay to look at me,” he said while lifting his hand onto my neck to press on any of my tensions. I peeked back up at him and was surprised to find his lips on mine in less than a second. Sana had told me a little about how he kissed but she never explained it like this. She never really gave it the amount of praise it deserved. His lips were like pillows and the gates to heaven. I never wanted someone more in my life. He pulled away from me in a knowing gaze.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, while smoothing his thumb over my lips. I knew he could see the dumbfounded look on my face and I wished I could take it all back.

.........................................................................................................................................................