#all of my muses are Not Okay tbh in one way or another

[mythvoiced]

-. wenzhe-core (pt. 3 the return of the jedi) (main-verse)

panic attacks

if he were an idol/celebrity most (thirst) edits about him would be about his hands

sipping quietly and stressfully on his drink while people talk about things he can't admit to being familiar with because it's Niche Queer Things

he loves cats, it's not mutual

dogs love him, it's not mutual (he likes dogs just fine enough, but... fine enough)

thinks he has a sweet tooth because he's always sucking on a lollipop or candy or chewing on sweet gum or getting popsicles in summers, it's not a sweet-tooth, it's an oral fixation

all his pencils from tween school years were covered in bite-marks as a result

undiagnosed in one way or another, probably adhd

"i don't get people who can just sleep on trains, like, what if you miss your stop" he says but if he's taking a train and it takes more than 20 minutes to get to his destination he will fall asleep

pastel colours terrorist group

childhood friends with latent romantic feelings trope but he got over it relatively quick (he thinks)

as answer to the question what kind of anime he watches: oh, you know, demon slayer, blue lock, stuff like that

the anime he watches: skip & loafer, a sign of affection, the apothecary's diaries

seeing auntie nao in skip & loafer made him really weird for a week straight before he repressed it again

*smacks him violently over the head* this baby can fit so much internalized [insert] in him

once i finish the apothecary's diaries, by the way, i AM making a verse for him in that

"i don't really like children all that much" *a child hands him something to hold onto for them and he's visibly holding back tears*

he's actually REALLY weird about catching feelings i cannot stress this enough

if a girl he's into playfully smacks him around and leans into him he'll go home and scream into his pillow

if a guy he likes ruffles his hair and tells him to take it easy, cheer up, he'll go home and bang his head against the wall

in terms of non-binary people they're usually way out of his league

this IS his canonical hair-length (this guy is starting to piss me off btw the fucking gender envy i swear--)

also that last one was just me wanting to show you his manga fc again ♥

in terms of type of people he likes (both romantic and platonic, actually, they tend to overlap) he likes people who are (subjectively at the very least) mentally and emotionally stronger than him, people who can say no but are still kind

he doesn't have anything against meeker, more submissive personality types but he will usually create a stronger imbalance here where he'll try to be less of a friend and more of a caretaker

watching a historical/period romance: this is?? what is this, wow, i can't even tell what fake past this is supposed to be inspired by because the clothes sure won't tell me, the inaccuracy, the liberties-- wait, what are you doing, no don't turn it off, the second daughter just helped the love interest infiltrate back into the city which means all of qianqian's work to get him out of the city to avoid his death are for nought plus su mu just rejected the first daughter again and she stood up for the first time to chase after him and-

actually while putting this together i realized that childhood friends crush might have been a lot more serious than anticipated

i am casting the other lead as qianru btw because i can use content like this and bc it suits the personality i'm developing for her

also yes i am not kidding it's bad wenzhe might have straight up been in love with qianru we're- RUH ROH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lususnatura]

🎤 🎤 🎤

a song that i associate with my muse meme!

AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3

hozier - who we are.

icehouse - crazy.

depeche mode - personal jesus.

[corroded-hellfire]

I’m sorry for getting distracted like ten times before sending this but tbh it’s kinda your fault <3

Imagine you’re sitting in the backyard with Eddie while watching the kids run around and Eddie starts talking about how happy and thankful he is for the life he has now. He gets emotional with you and even starts to cry and I just wanna see him cry happy tears. LET MY BOY BE HAPPY.

Your wish is my and @munson-blurbs’s command our darling wife 💚

Words: 2.3k

[As You Wish masterlist]

Autumn in Hawkins is…well, like any other time in Hawkins, but with a crisp bite in the air. The leaves that budded in the spring and held a lively green in the summer are now beginning to turn brown, curling in on themselves as they fall off of the trees. The sun dips behind the clouds earlier and earlier, bringing many of the town’s residents inside their homes for the night. 

But not your family. 

You and Eddie sit side by side on the porch swing, watching your kids run around the backyard. All three of them—four, if you count Luke’s dog—are playing a rousing game of tag. Ryan and Luke have teamed up against Eliza and Patch. It isn’t much of a fair fight, considering your daughter is only three years old and the dog doesn’t have a clue about what’s happening, but no one is complaining. 

Eddie’s hand finds your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “This is pure chaos,” he whispers in your ear. 

“Insanity,” you agree. Eliza shrieks giddily as Ryan picks her up and slings her over his shoulder. There was a time where you could carry Ryan; now, he’s sixteen-years-old and turning into a young man. It was as though the years had slipped through your fingers without you realizing. “What were we thinking, adding another one into this mix?”

Instinctively, Eddie splays his palm over your stomach. You’re only a month along and aren’t close to showing yet, but he still feels that protectiveness over you. 

“Four kids and a dog,” he muses, shaking his head. “This is your fault, y’know?”

“My fault?”

Eddie nods, a serious look on his face. “Oh, yes. It was two against two when we just had the boys. But then you had to be so damn perfect, and so I had to give you a baby.” He presses a kiss to your cheek. 

“And what about this one?” You glance at where his hand rests. “Is that my fault, too?”

“Absolutely.” Eddie grins. “I mean, you looked so beautiful pregnant with Eliza. How could I possibly let that be a one-time thing?”

You’re about to protest that it was actually a nine-month thing, but you’re interrupted by Patch barking excitedly. 

The brown and white puppy runs as fast as his little legs will take him, doing laps around the three kids. He seems content when Eliza is put back down on the ground, and he can go over and check on her.

“I’m okay!” Eliza comforts with a breathless laugh. 

She pets Patch on the head as he sniffs all over her small legs and feet. Luke snatches his little sister, and though he doesn’t pick her up off the ground, he holds her prisoner against his chest.

“Whatcha gonna do now, Patch?” he teases. “Remember, I’m the one who feeds you!”

Eliza squeals and wriggles against the fourteen-year-old’s chest. Ryan decides to take the attention off both of his siblings and plop down on the grass right next to Patch.

The plan works perfectly as the Australian Shepherd and Labrador mix abandons both younger Munsons and climbs onto Ryan’s chest.

Eddie chuckles from next to you. When you turn to look at him, an infectious grin has you joining in his laughter.

“We’re raising some great kids, huh?” he muses, still watching them.

“Let’s hope this next one turns out just as amazing,” you say, squeezing your hand over Eddie’s where it’s perched on your stomach. 

He turns his hand around to lace his fingers with yours before bringing your hand up to his mouth. His soft, yet slightly chapped lips press kisses from your knuckles all the way to the inside of your wrist. The two of you may have been together for over six years now, but the display of affection still makes you dizzy with giddiness. 

“I keep wondering about how they’re going to react,” Eddie says, nodding towards your children out on the lawn. “I think I’ve imagined them responding in every possible way.”

“Can I be the one to say it to them?” you ask. It feels a little silly, but the idea of getting to say the words “you’re going to have a baby brother or sister” to them fills you with glee.

“Of course, princess.” 

It’s quiet for a few minutes as the two of you watch Eliza demonstrate to Patch how to roll over. Luke pretends to give his little sister a treat from his pocket and the girl playfully growls at him.

“Do you think Luke will wanna name this new baby?” you ask Eddie as his thumb lazily strokes the back of your hand.

“God, I hope not,” he admits with a breathy chuckle. “He’s been obsessed with WWE lately. We’ll have to name it John Cena.”

You giggle and rest your head on your husband’s shoulder. Man, this pregnancy was already hitting you with the exhaustion. 

“Well, Eliza would probably pick Hercules or Megara,” you point out. “Not much better.”

Eddie leans in and kisses your forehead. “Maybe we have to institute a ‘no wrestlers and no cartoon characters’ rule this time.”

“But then Eliza wouldn’t be Eliza,” you point out. It was Ryan who had chosen the name while watching The Wild Thornberries. “So, we might have to make an exception if needed.”

“Fair enough.” 

Before you can set any more ground rules, Luke calls out from the grass:

“Attention, lady and gentledad! The Amazing Eliza and her fearless pup, Patch, would like to perform their death-defying spectacular!”

You sit up a bit, watching as Eliza crouches on her hands and knees. Luke fishes a slice of bologna out of his pants pocket—you’re not sure how long it’s been in there, and you’re not sure you want to—and stands on one side of his sister. 

On her other side, Ryan holds Patch in his arms, the Aussiedor wriggling in anticipation of his snack. 

“And now,” Luke bellows, “we will release the beast!”

With that, your oldest son places Patch on the grass. Before all paws even touch down, the dog bolts towards Luke, leaping over Eliza with surprising grace. 

Eliza jumps up, excitement written all over her cherubic face. “Mommy! Daddy! Did you see that? Did you see me and Patch?”

“We sure did, sweet pea.” You look over at Eddie to gauge his reaction, only to see that his eyes are glassy. The kids are already plotting Patch’s next trick when you ask your husband what’s wrong. 

Eddie shakes his head, swiping at a tear that managed to escape. “I was just thinking about how much they smile,” he says softly. “Especially the boys. It wasn’t always this way.”

You lace your fingers with his. “I know.” You remember the early days of babysitting Ryan and Luke. They walked on eggshells around Brittany, always prepared to be dismissed or outright rejected. Each “I’m too busy to play with you,” extinguished a little more light in their eyes. 

“I love you,” Eddie murmurs. “I love you for so many reasons, but I love you most of all for bringing joy back into our lives again. For reminding us how a family should be.”

Another tear rolls down his cheek as he takes in the unconditional love that surrounds him. You reach over with your free hand and wipe the tear away with your thumb. 

“Every smile and little giggle from those boys has brought me so much joy ever since I met them. Seeing their general happiness grow over these last ten years has been a highlight of my life.”

You bring Eddie’s hand up and press a few soft kisses against the back of it. 

“And now there’s another infectious laughter added to the mix,” Eddie says with a teary chuckle as Eliza’s wild giggle floats over to you on a crisp breeze. 

“And another one soon, I’m sure,” you say, placing a hand on your lower abdomen. “I can’t picture this kid having less than an enchanting laugh.”

Eddie sniffles and nods his head. “We’re all so lucky to have you here. The best mom and the best wife.”

“Not to mention that loving and attentive father our lucky babies have. You don’t give yourself enough credit for how happy you make all of us,” you tell him. 

He tries to shrug it off, but you’re persistent. 

“It’s true! Every laugh and smile I saw from the boys in the early days was because of you. You’re the reason they had light in their lives those grade school years. And you’re the reason Eliza is as stubborn as a mule, but still the greatest kid who is full of love and laughter. And then there’s me.” You rest your chin on his shoulder and look up at him through your lashes. “I’ve never felt so safe before. So safe and loved. And I get to goof off and laugh everyday with my best friend. Cause I’m lucky enough that I got to marry my best friend.”

Eddie’s tears are coming in harder now. It brings a smile to your face, though, to know he realizes just how loved every single person in this family is. That the love only grows stronger every day and soon there will be a new little person to give and receive even more love in the Munson house. 

Your husband clears his throat and rubs over his eyes with the sleeve of his black zip-up hoodie. 

“Dad?” you hear Luke say, approaching closer. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie assures him as he tries to make sure any trace of tears is gone. “I’m okay.”

“Then why were you crying?” Eliza gasps out as she runs over to the two of you. 

“Just happy,” Eddie responds, picking the three-year-old up and setting her in his lap. “I’ve got the greatest wife and kids in the world.”

“And dog,” Luke adds as Patch trots his way over. “Patch is the best.”

“And Patch,” Eddie agrees with a chuckle. 

The puppy puts his front two paws on the porch swing next to you and you take the hint. You bend over and pick up the precocious canine, who happily makes himself comfortable in your lap. 

Ryan comes over and sprawls out on the grass at the edge of the stone patio. He stares up at the rest of you and lets out a content sigh. 

“Dad’s a big old softy,” the sixteen-year-old quips. 

Eliza climbs up on the porch swing and Eddie has to wrap an arm around her waist to keep her from falling as the seat bucks from her movements. 

“Daddy is not soft,” Eliza states as she pokes her father’s bony shoulder. She then rubs her hand over his stubble as if to further prove her point. “Hard and scratchy.”

“What about big and old?” Luke asks, doing his best to keep a smile at bay. 

“Everyone is big compared to Liza Bean!” you butt in, reaching over with one hand to poke her belly. “She’s so teeny tiny!”

Eliza nods once in agreement. 

“Right, Mama! And, yeah, Daddy is old.”

You, Luke, and Ryan can’t help but laugh at her casual words. Eddie’s jaw drops open, and he looks at all of his family members with an affronted face. 

“I am only 41!” Your husband defends. 

“Old,” Eliza reiterates. 

Eddie grabs Eliza and clutches him close to her chest.

“Listen here, little missy!” His fingers dig into Eliza’s sides, making her squeal out in laughter. “I’m young enough to beat you up!”

“I don’t know if anyone can win against Eliza…” Ryan mutters.

“No!” Eliza shouts through her laughter. “I younger! I stronger!”

Eddie ceases his tickling and holds the three-year-old tight against his chest. 

“You can never escape.”

“Bite him!” Luke suggests.

“I’ll bite back,” Eddie says. “And my teeth are bigger.”

“Don’t want to damage your dentures,” Ryan says, a smirk dancing on his face.

You and Luke can’t help but laugh, but Eddie only narrows his eyes as his oldest son and leans into whisper something in Eliza’s ear. Your daughter’s face breaks out into a grin, and she nods her head enthusiastically. 

Eddie lets her down and takes a wide berth walking around her brothers. Neither of them takes their eyes off her small figure as Patch jumps down from your lap and follows the girl. While Eliza distracts them with the direction she’s walking, Eddie silently slips off the swing and is able to pounce on Ryan.

“Hey!” Ryan calls through laughter.

Despite how hard your eldest son tries to get free, Eddie is able to hold Ryan’s arms behind his back. With him subdued, Eliza launches herself at him, quickly glomming onto her biggest brother’s torso. 

“We got you!” Eliza calls. 

Ryan manages to get all three of them laying down on the grass, all squirming around like exposed worms looking for shelter. 

Luke simply shakes his head as he sits next to you on the porch swing. 

“Such children,” Luke admonishes. 

He uses his heels against the patio to gently push the swing back and forth as the two of you watch the other three squabble. 

“Us mature ones would never act this way,” Luke says to you.

“Never,” you agree with a chuckle.

You have no doubt something diabolical is spurning in the fourteen-year-old’s head, but you know that nothing you do or say will be able to stop it. Instead, you just lay your head down on top of Luke’s as you watch Eddie and Eliza try to keep Ryan down on the grass. 

“Mature,” you repeat to yourself. “That’s definitely us.”

[fridgrave2-0]

I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay with ford being an absolute asshole towards fiddleford and basically abusing him.

first of all, yes, it's not ford's fault that he was manipulated (doubtful tbh) and abused by bill, but that doesn't give him the right to be a jerk who closes his eyes on his friend's deepest traumas. the traumas fiddleford got only because stanford completely ignored his warning and got fidds involved into bunch of shit. like his monster hunting which wasn't even the reason fiddleford went to gravity falls in the first place. he was there to help ford build the portal, not to be a part of ford's anomaly quest. and when fiddleford spoke out against it he was ignored because ford doesn't give a shit about anyone else but himself or his muse. fiddleford got traumatized physically and mentally so deeply that in the need to be able to sleep at night peacefully he completely destroyed his mind to the state that even bill was scared to be in there. and what stanford did? he (the one who couldn't care less about fidds warning him about gremoblin) critiqued fiddleford for using the memory gun and didn't even bother to apologize or say that he's sorry in the journal. god, what am I saying, he didn't even took fiddleford to the hospital after fiddleford feel from the sky through the roof of a fucking barn with a dozen of poisonous quills in his body AND A BROKEN ARM. ford described what happened to fidds in the journal, said he "took him home for a treatment" and the next two paragraphs on the other page is "good news the hyperdrive works" LIKE IS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THE HELL??? "despite our fortune, I have become worried about my assistant... I myself have survived many monster attacks without trauma, but perhaps F is more sensitive that I realized". no shit sherlock, who would've imagine that seeing your worst nightmares and being poisoned can leave a mark on your mental state. sure it's just fiddleford, he's just overreacting because he's "sensitive"))) /src

ford was ignoring fiddleford's concerns all the fucking time that mcgucket was there with him, he took a superstitious and religious guy with anxiety into the forest with real ass monsters who's no one but ford is used to see. fiddleford was warning stanford about shifty and got kidnapped with his identity stolen by the shapeshifter because ford didn't listen. well, at least this time stanford had bothered to apologize for another traumatic event- ah no, next thing ford said is that when the portal is finished all the traumas fiddleford had been through were "worth it". ford just finds ways to make everything worse

we all know that fiddleford has an addictive personality and that the memory gun is the biggest example of that. what we don't talk enough about is that ford at some point decided that sleeping is for losers, but didn't stop at himself and made fiddleford drink 13 fucking cups of coffee, not allowing him to sleep, what in the future made fiddleford a caffeine addict. ford is not only an overworking idiot who gladly damages his own health, no! he wants fiddleford to be the same and quote "gets frustrated" when fiddleford cares not only about his own, but their both basic needs. fiddleford had to work on the portal, get in the trouble with monsters because of ford, but also babysit this manchild to prevent him collapsing from exhaustion (which is more impossible than building a giant portal into the multiverse)

and here we are, the portal testing. once again (and as always) fiddleford did warned ford about everything. fiddleford was working without breaks for days to make sure if the portal will work, and when he found the flaws, he wrote a whole fucking thesis paper, putting all ford's research into a solid work (not taking even smallest credit even tho he was the one to build the portal. when fiddleford had his own theory in the university, ford helped him to only proof that fidds wasn't going crazy by checking the calculations and ford bothered to take the credit for the whole theory, but fiddleford who was a part and a victim of this monumental theory of weirdness didn't took it because he unlike ford doesn't care only about fame). but what did stanford do? he assumed that fiddleford wanted to steal his fucking fame and backstab him. ford didn't even bother to look at something fiddleford was making for three days without resting to make sure that portal won't hurt anyone in the town and that ford won't end up with empty hand if the portal was indeed a lost cause. stanford coldly dismissed fiddleford like they weren't friends, said that he doesn't really waiting fiddleford for the test of the device that fiddleford did built, and even knowing that the portal was dangerous fiddleford chose to come for the test

and then fiddleford got in the portal and it was the biggest traumatic event for him. it was the breaking point for him from which he couldn't stop using the memory gun. it damaged him so much, that he turned from that bright 30-y.o. man into the familiar to us old man mcgucket in the span of two years. his life was ruined for another 30 years, a half of his life he was a mad lonely guy who lived in the junkyard. the man who could've become someone like steve jobs but much better if only he didn't go to help stanford. his family could've been full, tate could have his father. the incident with the portal was the moment of no return for fiddleford, and what did stanford do?

when fiddleford got sucked in the portal, he thought only about the success of his work, that for fidds it was "a remarkable opportunity to confirm or deny the theory" (which he already did with his pre-test research). he didn't think that it was dangerous on the other side, that the portal wouldn't just disintegrate fidds on atoms. and when stanford saw him speaking in a non-human way, shaking and twitching in shock like fiddleford did after the gremoblin incident, ford decided it was nothing. when fiddleford warned him about the apocalypse because he was in the portal and saw it with his own eyes, ford, as always, didn't listen. he didn't just not care about fidds' condition — he diminished everything fiddleford was feeling and everything he witnessed only because it didn't fit in ford's believes which were based just on bill's words (and for stanford it's not something new to belittle things related to fiddleford. he wasn't taking fidds' dream of creating a portable computer seriously, believing that his weirdness theory was much more important)

and after this, stanford insults fiddleford and his family in the journal. he says that he doesn't regret their partnership (it's not really a partnership if stanford didn't count fiddleford as an equal) and friendship breaking up. "to think I considered him a friend!" I doubt he ever did. stanford doesn't know shit about being a good friend (or even a decent person) to someone who sacrificed everything for him. who did put his life aside to be with ford, who cared enough to stay despite stanford again and again putting him in danger, constantly waving him away and feeling no remorse for that. fiddleford was breaking himself for this guy, he canonically was going through "I am nobody to ford if I don't build stuff for him" (and in the end this is exactly what happened). fiddleford didn't tell ford most of his fears and concerns because he didn't want to bother him. fidds was constantly scared and kept in inside because he wanted to be a "better partner". "if I have an anxiety, I will pop anxiety pills", "I'm gonna get through this". and then he didn't

fiddleford was abused by stanford. he was to stanford that ford was to bill, in some ways even worse. it's fucking wild that fiddleford did forgive ford after 30 years of a neverending madness nightmare with his mind being destroyed so much as like it was the earth in the times of the dinosaurs after being hit by the meteorite. fiddleford had lost literally everything, he wasn't even himself for a half of his life and still fidds found the strength to forgive someone who is responsible for it and who used him with regular emotional neglect. and you know what? fuck this. ford would never forgive bill and fiddleford had every right to stay mad at stanford. ford needed to be stuck in the portal to get his head out of the ass and by that time there were only crumbs of someone who fiddleford once was

fiddauthor and billford both are about abuse and toxic relationships. it's up to you what you like to ship, but we need to acknowledge the fact that fiddauthor isn't some fluffy healthy thing where both are happy. fiddleford was never happy and stanford didn't care about fiddleford and his feelings. they made each other worse and ford ruined fidds' life. THIS is the real fiddauthor

[7ndipity]

"Fuck it"

Yoongi x Reader

Summary: You and Yoongi are friends, but if he wants more than that?

Warnings: swearing, very suggestive, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Tbh, I wrote this after a couple glasses of wine and got a little carried away(sorry, not sorry?) I hope you like it tho!

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

“Would you just scoot over?!”

“Nope.”

“There’s no more room to sit!”

“Not my problem.”

“Yoongi!”

Yoongi might have been your best friend, but god was he a pain in the ass sometimes.

You stood staring down at him as he sat, or rather sprawled, across the tiny wicker bench. You’d both decided to duck out onto the balcony of the release party for one of his members, intending for a few minutes of peace to catch your breath, but as usual, you just ended up bickering.

“If you don’t move, I will sit on you.” You warned him.

“Fine.” He replied, calling your bluff.

Without breaking eye contact, you plopped yourself down on his lap, making sure he felt every bit of your weight.

“Comfy?” You asked, hearing him grunt from the impact.

“Mhm.” He said, unbothered as he hooked his arms around you back so you wouldn’t fall off balance.

In truth, this wasn’t that out of the ordinary for the two of you, much to the surprise of all your other friends. For someone who claimed not to care much for physical contact or skinship, Yoongi always seemed to be willing to grant you an exception, hanging onto your hand in crowded places or sharing seats with you, like now.

You were always the exception for him, though, able to convince him to do things that he can’t say he would do for anyone else.

Over the course of your friendship, you’d come to be each other’s centerpoints in the universe. He’d been your rock when you needed him, coming over when you’d text him late at night, just to sit with you while you cried over some asshole that never even deserved you in the first place. You’d looked after him when he overworked and didn’t take care of himself as much as he should.

You’d toed the line between friends and something more for a while now, but had never pressed further, content with the way things were.

He loved you, though he hadn't said it in quite so many words, and that was enough.

Until it wasn’t, like now as you sat so teasingly close, able to feel your warmth against him, smell your perfume, hear the faint stutter in your breath.

“Your hair’s nice like this.” You mused, toying with dark ends of his overgrown locks, seemingly oblivious to the thoughts circling round in his head as he leaned further into your touch.

It was comfortable, too comfortable, one of his hands having come to rest on your thigh, fingers leaving goosebumps in their wake as they traced back and forth. Every cell in his body was screaming at him to do something, anything, that this was the opportunity he'd been waiting for.

“I can’t do this.” He groaned, pulling away from you suddenly and sitting back.

“What’s wrong?” You looked up at him, eyes wide with confusion.

“I can’t keep sitting here pretending that this is okay, and that I’m…”

He couldn’t look away from you as you stared back at him. And maybe it was the alcohol from earlier clouding his judgement, but he didn’t care anymore, it was now or never.

“Fuck it.”

He leaned in and quickly pressed a kiss to your lips, and then another, and another.

Everything seemed to slow as he pulled back, cautiously gauging your reaction, only to be met by your eyes as clouded over with want as his.

“Why’d you stop?” You whispered.

For half a second, he froze as he stared at you, trying to make sure he heard you correctly and that he wasn’t imagining things. The next second though, he was back on you, connecting his lips to yours with such bruising intensity that you felt like you might actually break.

Your hands scrambled for something to hold onto, finding purchase in his hair again and earning a low noise from him that almost sounded like a purr but shifted into a growl when you giggled against his mouth, causing you to separate.

“What are we doing?” You finally had the clarity of thought to ask.

“I don’t know,” He said, breathing ragged, dragging his hands up your sides. “I just know I can’t stand not having you anymore.”

“Then have me.” You whispered, shivering under his touch as you pressed yourself closer to him.

“Fuck,” He gulped. “Let’s get out of here.”

[stanfanfiction]

Taste of You - Ken x fem!reader - PART SEVEN

Ken goes to therapy. He has a lotta feelings okay. Very Ken centric chapter. (Yay?) and (possibly) some of the most intense sex I’ve written sooo…let’s go. Probably the longest chapter I’ve written this far, too.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY / there’s always smut there’s never not smut / lots of angst and angry feelings (Ken is trying to process all those hard human things because they’re getting to be too intense for him) / violent imaginative fears (domestic fighting, one instance of hitting 🛑 tread softly if you might be triggered by this (I don’t want anyone triggered or hurt!!)) / nightmares / rough sex / major overstim / size kink / sex toys / anal fingering / possessiveness / lots of crying tbh (Ken is emotional af) / dom!Ken / possibly bordering on some non-con ? Depending on how you view it / fuzzy sweet aftercare

Ken sat opposite the therapist, twiddling his thumbs, staring down at the floor. Occasionally he glanced up at the doctor sitting across from him, a kindly middle aged man (you had suggested he talk to a male therapist, saying maybe in some weird way it would help him deal with jealousy when having to be emotionally open with another man in the room), and he gave Ken a small smile.

“So when this strong jealous hits, what does it feel like?” The therapist asked. He had sensed Ken’s anxiety the moment he walked in the door and opted out of the sitting-with-the-clipboard-for-notes option, instead sitting comfortably in his chair, hoping a conversation-style approach would set Ken at ease.

“It’s like I’ll cease to exist if she leaves me.”

“And does anything help with that?”

“Sex does, kinda. Sometimes a lot, sometimes only for a minute.”

“Have you talked with your partner about it?”

“Yeah.”

“And how did that go?”

“She reassured me. She does every single time.”

“So this has become a consistent conversation?”

Ken paused, picking at nothing on his jeans. “I guess.”

“When was the last time you felt this way?”

“A couple days ago.”

“Did anything in particular happen to trigger it?”

“She’s having to take a class and her ex is in it.”

“Ahhhh.” The therapist mused, letting the silence sit for just a moment. “And you are worried about that?”

“I’m not worried she would do anything intentionally.”

“You’re afraid her former feelings might return for him, though.”

Ken nodded. “Yeah. I get she wouldn’t be able to help that, though. Feelings happen.”

“This is very true. Are you concerned about what might happen if those feelings return? Do you worry she would actually act on them?”

Ken frowned deeply. “I don’t think she would without talking to me first. But I don’t want them happening at all. The feelings, I mean. Because then there’s nothing I can….do.” The last word fell out as a whisper.

“You feel helpless in the relationship?” The therapist asked gently.

“Not…I.., I don’t know.”

“Have you ever been cheated on?”

“No. This is my first relationship.”

The therapist nodded. “Worries about someone leaving you are actually pretty normal, especially the first time you’re with someone.”

“Y/n told me that.”

“Has she ever shown any indication that she wants to leave you? Or that she ever might cheat on you?”

“No. I understand it’s all in my head. It still scares me, though.”

“Can I ask why you decided to come to me today? I assume this is the first time you’ve been in therapy?”

“Yeah…she’s just taking a lot of classes and she gets really stressed sometimes, especially because finals are like a month away.”

“I can understand that. You feel like your jealousy is interfering with her ability to study?”

“It stresses her out more.” Ken bit his lip. “I don’t want to do that to her.”

“So are you worried less about her randomly cheating on you, and more that you are pushing her away from you? Or, encouraging her potentially into the arms of another because she is getting stressed with how you handle your jealousy?”

Fuck. Ken hadn’t thought of it that way before. Now he was even more frightened.

When Ken didn’t answer, just stared down at the carpet, the therapist tried again. “It’s okay to be struggling with how you’re feeling. The fact that you’re working to understand why is healthy, it’s a great move on your part. It also shows her that you want to be supportive of her, and I’m sure that makes her less stressed.”

“I feel like sometimes I’m a bad person.”

“Why is that?”

“I hurt someone I care about before. She didn’t want me, and I….I tried to hurt her. I wanted to feel like I was in charge for once, but I was cruel.”

“Can I ask what you did?”

“It’s a long story.”

“That’s alright. You can tell me about it when you’re ready to.” The therapist paused, working to see how much he might be able to get Ken to explain without pressuring him and making him shut down. “Can I ask, when did this happen with your former friend?”

“Well, she’s still my friend, I guess. She’s really nice. But we don’t see each other.”

“I see.”

“It happened, I don’t know, maybe a half a year ago.”

“Was it around here?”

Ken shrugged. “Kinda.”

“Have you ever taken y/n to where that happened? Or revisited the area alone, just to see how the memories made you feel?”

Ken’s chest tightened. “No.”

“Do you think that is something you might be able to do? Sometimes being back in a physical place where we wronged someone can help us find closure, especially if the one we hurt has forgiven us, but we have been unable to forgive ourselves.”

“I don’t want to.” Ken quickly wiped away a small tear forming, pretending it was something in his eye.

“Do you think y/n would understand if you told her?”

“I’ve told her a little. She wasn’t upset.”

“Does she know the specifics?”

“Uh…no…she met my friend, though. They liked each other.”

“Well that’s really good. Do you think she might be willing to travel with you, be present with you if you decided to try and gain closure?”

“…..I don’t feel like that’s necessary.”

“Can I ask why?”

Ken was silent for a long time. The therapist respected letting him internally process as long as he needed.

“I just think it’s unnecessary.”

“How do you feel you are working to help the problem right now, other than coming to me? Is there anything you’ve tried?”

“Just sex.”

“And why does sex feel like something that can fix the issue for you?”

“Because I have her then.”

“Have her with you?”

“Have her focused only on me.”

“Does she enjoy those times with you? Do you feel like she gets stressed, maybe feeling like she has to have sex with you so you’ll calm down?”

Well, fuck. Ken hadn’t thought of that. That made him feel even worse, angry, even. Though he couldn’t place where the anger came from….oh, wait.

“No. She likes it. She always likes it.”

The therapist was taken aback slightly by the sudden, minor shift in Ken’s tone, noting the aggression suddenly appearing, but kept his external demeanor. Being surprised was a good thing. It meant his client was starting to break through their emotional barrier.

“And can I ask, why would you talking about her enjoying those sessions be something that makes you feel upset?”

“She has to like them.”

“Why is that?”

“It’s all I have to offer her.” The words tumbled out before Ken’s brain had even fully processed them, and he sat dumbstruck, his own sentence replaying in his head. He felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest.

“Ahhhhh. That sounds like that’s a lot of stress you’re dealing with, too. Feeling like you only have one certain thing of yourself to offer her that she sees as worthy of her time must be exhausting for you.”

Ken worked hard to hold back the new tears that were coming stronger than he knew what to do with.

“Do you feel that she actually only sees you as worth her time because of the sex?”

Ken shook his head genuinely. “No.”

“So that’s another lie you have told yourself.” The therapist kept his tone soft.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to know right now.”

****************************************************

The walk home was torture. He tried so hard to think through everything they’d talked about as “healthily” as he could - the therapist’s words. But all he could think about was silencing everything for just a little while. He thought of getting home to tie you to the bed again and just fuck you for hours. Every time you were lying trapped underneath him was the only time he ever felt like he truly had any control over anything. But maybe today he needed to to be free to move however you pleased, to experience however you would wrap yourself around him or grasp onto his muscles or grab his hair. He could easily still keep you underneath him as long as he wanted with just his body weight.

The closer he got to the front door, however, the more overwhelmed he became, the voices in his head growing louder and louder, and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t even fuck you if he wanted to right now. He felt like he might collapse.

Ken opened the door as quietly as he could, not wanting to alert you he was home. Unfortunately, since the kitchen was very close to the entryway, you heard the moment he stepped inside.

“Hi, baby,” you said, turning while holding your coffee cup.

Ken froze, feeling embarrassed. He still didn’t know why he did, but he had worked to stop crying the entire walk home, without success. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks wet.

“Oh, Ken,” you said, setting down your cup and coming up to him, your hands on his face, your thumbs rubbing across his cheekbones. “It was a hard talk today?”

Ken nodded, hanging his head, his hands wrapping around your wrists. “I feel like I’m nothing to you, but I know better.”

“That’s okay.” Your voice was like a warm tea coating his aching chest. “I know you struggle with that. I can keep reminding you that you mean so much to me.”

“What if…like, I couldn’t offer you sex?”

You cocked your head, confused, but went with it. “I would still love you the same.”

He forced his eyes up to meet yours. “You mean it?”

“MMhmm. I do.”

He sniffed.

“Do you feel like I wouldn’t love you?” You asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, looking down again.

“Do you need some rest? Anytime I get really upset and have cried really hard some time in bed always helps me.”

He nodded, and you took his hand in yours, leading him to the bedroom. You helped him out of his clothes leaving him only in his boxers and went to the closet, pulling something out.

“Here,” you said, walking over to the bed and tossing a huge comforter on top of it. “This is my extra soft, cozy one. I used to use it all the time on really hard days awhile ago. I had forgotten I had it until now.”

He smiled a little then, reaching his hand out to you. You went to sit on the bed next to him, keeping your feet on the floor. You kissed his palm as his hand went to rest of your face.

“I love you so very, very much, my love,” you cooed. “But I need to get back to studying. I have awhile yet to go. I had just taken a short break to make some caffeine when you came home.”

Came home. Okay. Focus on the good things, his therapist had suggested. “Listen to anything that makes you feel safe or calm, try to enjoy the moment while it’s happening. This might help when you get stressed out to remember those times and know you are safe.”

“I’m home with you,” he mumbled.

You didn’t understand but nodded. “Yes. You’re home with me.”

He hummed, snuggling underneath the covers. “Okay.”

You smiled at him and kissed his cheek before picking up your laptop from your desk and picking up a textbook, heading out of the bedroom, closing the door behind you. You’d study at the kitchen table while he rested.

The home was on fire. Ken rushed through the flames, yelling your name, panic rising every second he couldn’t find you as smoke filled his lungs. Finally he heard you as you screamed, and his heart jumped in his chest as he rounded the corner to find your hands restrained to the wall over your head, blindfolded. You weren’t screaming in terror, you were screaming with pleasure. A faceless man was holding your legs around his waist, fucking up into you violently. It seemed you had no idea about the flames about to consume you, or maybe even who the man was. Ken tried to make his legs moved, begged them to, but he was stuck on the spot. He cried out your name but it seemed you didn’t hear him, your head through back in ecstasy as you moaned in time with the man’s thrust. Ken found a rock next to him and threw it at the man. It bounced off of him as if he didn’t even know it had been thrown, but then the blank face slowly turned to stare at Ken, a wicked smile suddenly spreading across his face where a mouth hadn’t been a moment before.

Ken sat upright in bed, gasping, panicking as he grabbed at anything he could touch, stopping only when he realized he had only fisted his hands up in the comforter. He buried his face hands, shaking, trying to stop the sobs that threatened to take him over again. He couldn’t remember ever having a nightmare before. He’d heard of them, but couldn’t even remember having a dream, only knowing they were something that apparently were a normal thing for most people, yourself included.

He tried to pinpoint the emotions he was feeling - something else the therapist had suggested when he got overwhelmed. Okay. Angry. Scared. Angry. Heartbroken? Fuck. Really, really fucking angry. He fell back into the pillows only to realize the sheets were covered in sweat underneath him.

You would help him feel better. He could go to you and you would pause your homework to soothe him and pet him and sit on his lap while he held you and hid his face in your neck. You wouldn’t be mad at him, you’d be so kind and patient like you always were.

He didn’t deserve you.

He didn’t deserve anything good.

The idea of going to you quietly to ask for comfort left his mind as quickly as it floated in, being forced out by a memory he created himself that honestly would probably never happen: you ignoring him, you telling him to get over himself while he finally was trying to understand why he kept feeling so angry like you had asked him to, you yelling at him, throwing something at his face. Telling him to….

“I can’t leave,” he cried into the pillow. “You said this was our home.”

You laughed. “Our nothing. Get the fuck out.”

You slapped him. He felt like his entire being shattered.

Ken was gripping the pillow so tight that his wrist began to cramp. Why. WHY couldn’t he stop these horrific scenes that played through his head.

The therapist had told him to breathe, even showed him how to inhale for four seconds and exhale the same amount of time. The mental scenarios weren’t real. They just might feel real.

Maybe he did need to return to Barbieland for a day…? Maybe he was dealing with fear that throwing Barbie out of her home could rebound back onto him…

UGH. Fuck fuck. This was hard. This was way too fucking hard. How was this supposed to help him get better, especially when your soft, perfect body was right behind that door, just down the hallway. When your voice could be filling his ears and drowning out at least most of these horrible things he heard in his head. Your taste filling his mouth, the scent of you, every inch of you, making him feel drunk.

You looked up from your book, Ken standing in the doorway. Sweat covered his body, his hair erratic, his face still as wet as earlier.

The concerned look on your face soothed him…but just a little.

“What happened?” You asked gently.

“I had a nightmare.”

Oh shit. “I’m so sorry. Do you need to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “Wanna forget it.”

“I understand that. Do you want to come sit with me?”

“Want you with me.”

“Yes, Ken, that’s what I said-“

“Want you with me.”

Before you knew what was happening Ken had picked you up and set you on the kitchen counter where you became trapped between the cabinets and him. “Need you.”

“What did the therapist tell you to do when you feel like this?” You tried softly, reaching for the hand towel next to you and gently wiped at his chest to remove the cold sweat.

“It’s not working.”

“It doesn’t always work right away.”

He wanted to slam you into the cabinets, forcing his lips onto yours, making you stop talking about all the bullshit he had been fighting inside himself ever since that stupid appointment today. He knew that was the wrong thing to do.

“Can I ask what happens to you when you choose sex to deal with these emotions you’re struggling with?” The therapist had asked. “Anything in particular that seems to help at all?”

Ken didn’t want to answer. Would you call the sex violent is he asked? Or would it just be ‘rough’? He didn’t like the word violent…you had never told him that word, so it mustn’t be so. You would have told him. You would tell him if he ever hurt you.

“Ken?” The therapist had said, breaking through the long silence that had followed his question.

“I….I tend to be rough.”

“How does that help you?”

“I don’t have to think as much as usual. It helps block it all out.”

“It blocks all of it out?”

“Well…not everything, not always. But sometimes. Sometimes I get to have moments where everything becomes quiet except for her. I get to just hear her.”

And he desperately needed to hear you now. His strong hand ripped your crop top off, tearing the material from how hard he had pulled. You sighed as you watched it thrown to the floor.

“I liked that top,” you said.

“I’ll get you ten more,” Ken promised, biting down onto your nipple.

You cried out, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

Oh, thank god. The exquisite pain of the way your nails dug into his skin, the taste of your flesh, the sound of your voice. His mind quieted for a second, and he heaved a sigh of relief as his tongue circled your nipple, his hands on your back, holding you into him.

“Do you feel like you take your anger out on her during sex?” The therapist’s words echoed in his head. God fucking dammit, not now. He had you in his arms. He would have you underneath him any second now. He didn’t need these fucking questions interrupting any of his time with you, especially these times.

“I don’t know.”

“Have you asked her if she feels that way?”

“She wouldn’t feel that way,” Ken forced himself not to sneer.

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“Because she likes it.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“She would tell me if she didn’t!”

He slammed you into the wall now, your legs wrapped around him, needing to fuck that horrible image from his nightmare out of his mind. You had pleaded with him not to tear the pajamas pants you had been wearing and he had pulled them off swiftly, laying them in a single piece on the table before picking you up again.

“You like this?” He asked, voice breathless but harsh. He was terrified of your answer, but now that the question was on his mind, he couldn’t make it go away. God, the last thing he wanted to do was actually hurt you.

“Yes, Ken,” your head fell back against the wall when he bucked his hips up unto yours, the thin fabric of his boxers not doing anything at all to hide how hard he was.

“You’d tell me if I was hurting you?”

“Yes, Ken,” you repeated.

“Aren’t you going to tell me you should be studying?”

“Need a break anyway.” You sighed, angling your hips a little to try to get better leverage of him rubbing against your folds. “You feel good.”

Against his usual judgment, Ken pulled his cock out of his boxers and tested his tip against your opening before he tried fingering you to see how wet you were for him. Your hands clamped his shoulders tighter.

“Do you think you can take me right now?” He breathed into your ear and you giggled because it tickled a little.

“I can try,” you said, one hand traveling to grip the back of his neck as he started to slide into you.

Your cry was loud, and Ken’s mind once again quieted for a single moment, and he bottomed out in you as he experienced one more second of relief.

“I need her loud,” he had confessed as the session was ending earlier that day. “It’s the only thing that ever fully drowns any of the bullshit out.”

He thrust up hard again and your forehead fell into his, your eyes closed, focusing on your breathing as he stretched you out a little sooner than you probably should have been. His hips started snapping into you in a quicker pace.

“Can I lay down,” you shuddered as the pain became more pleasurable. “Wanna be comfy with you.”

“Need you. Need you right here for just another minute.” Ken tried to slow his thrusts but struggled for control as he tried fucking that image from his nightmares out of his mind.

His head hurt from all of the stress he’d been trying to process from the day. His head fell into your shoulder, closing his eyes, your moans becoming louder as he tried angling himself to hit your special spot. He left wet kissing along your neck, hoping it would help dull any pain you might still be dealing with, and when his name fell from your lips in a blissed out sigh he sucked gently on your pulse point.

The nightmare slowly melted from his mind’s eye and he slowed his thrusts until he had stopped completely, staring into your eyes.

“You’d tell me if I ever hurt you, right?”

You nodded. “You’ve never hurt me, Ken.”

He carried you to the bed, laying you down gently.

He had been saving a special something for you, something he had wanted to use on a special night, maybe after he finally took you out on a proper date. But he needed to hear you, see you react to it now. Maybe that was selfish of him. For the moment, he had lost the motivation to care.

“Close your eyes,” he asked, kissing your temple, and you smiled, doing as he asked.

You heard a buzzing sound and felt yourself becoming wetter. You hadn’t told him but you’d used the vibrator on yourself in the shower while he had been in therapy, loving a moment of personal release where you didn’t have to think about anything for a moment.

Your eyes shot open when you felt the strong vibrations covering your clit… all the way down your vulva, sliding into your opening. Your body jerked and you grabbed one of Ken’s forearms as he leaned himself onto the bed with his hand but remained upright enough to watch the way your opening clenched around the toy.

“Holy…ahhh.what…”

It was one of those vibrators were it had a clit stimulator but curved downward so it had a dildo attached to it that could slide inside you and stay without having to be held. The stimulation against your g-spot was delicious but automatically a little overwhelming, your vision going dizzy for a second while you worked to adjust.

Ken leaned over you fully, pressing your hands into the bed beside your head, wrapping his fingers in your own.

“Do you like it?” He asked.

It filled you up enough to compare to two of his fingers while having almost more of an intensity than it was when Ken nipped at your clit.

You nodded, gasping, and he smiled down at you, kissing your lips.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” he promised, slowly starting to kiss down your sternum.

“Alright, I’m going to ask you a hard question, Ken.” The therapist laced his fingers together. “What if she does end up leaving?”

“You don’t have the right to say that out loud.”

“It’s probably a good idea for us to address this idea head-on. Ignoring it, stuffing it inside makes it worse.”

“How does it help if I think about it?”

“Intentionally bringing up fears and talking through him often makes them less scary. You’re able to conquer the biggest aspects of those fears, learn exactly what fuels the, so they become easier to deal with when they come up.”

“I don’t want her to leave.”

“I know, I-“

“I don’t want to think about it.”

“Our bed,” he mumbled, his lips attaching to your hip bone. “My y/n.”

You didn’t hear him, your ears filled with the buzzing from the toy.

God, you were perfect, writhing underneath him, even giggling a little as his wet kisses as they got to your stomach then going back to bunching the comforter up in your hands when the vibrator caused another spark of pleasure. Ken had made sure to lay out the comforter over the entire bed so you’d be extra comfy, like you had said you wanted.

“Well now I’m worried she’ll throw me out if I can’t stop acting like this.” Ken leaned his elbows onto his knees, his face in his hands. “Why would you put that idea in my head-“

“You already had it there, you told me so yourself.” Ken saw the therapist cross his legs through his fingers. He hated him. Not that he had done anything wrong…he just…he hated all of this.

“I couldn’t handle it. I don’t know how on earth I’d handle it.” Ken loathed how his voice choked a bit.

“Our goal is to make sure, to the best of our ability, that that will never happen.”

“I can make her stay.”

“Mine.” Ken flipped you over onto your stomach, the pressure of the toy being pushed onto your clit more intense from laying on it making you cry into the comforter. “All mine.”

He dipped a finger into you from behind, turning it upward to caress your muscle opposite the toy. You let out a strangled, throaty groan.

“What if she grows to hate me.” Ken’s words weren’t a question, they were as if stating a fact that was already coming into existence. He glanced at the clock. Why was time ticking by so slowly in this god awful therapy room.

“I do think this one is all in your head. Based on what you’ve told me, it sounds like you’d have to really go too far for her to ever hate you.”

“I’ll figure out how to make that not happen.”

“Unfortunately, we only have so much control over -“

“I will make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Ken slipped his belt from underneath the comforter, his hand almost shaking. Somehow marking you with his mouth was never enough for him now. He needed more. He needed you to react more, and lately his lips claiming your skin had made you relax more than anything. He wanted to be a comfort to you the same way you were to him. Somehow his brain wouldn’t let him see things that way, though. He didn’t know if he was ever truly a comfort to you.

You’d promised him he’d never hurt you. Thank god, because he was desperate for this release.

Your mangled scream filled the room as he bought the belt down, alternating cheeks, harsh and without pause. Usually he would wait a few seconds in between each for you to catch you breath, especially the first couple times. Today he saw red as the conversation with the therapist wouldn’t stop echoing in his mind, your legs shaking almost violently, your ass cheeks clenching as he kept finger fucking you alongside the vibrator.

Your body shuddered hard and you bit into the comforter, your throat raw from your screams as your orgasm hit out of nowhere. Ken didn’t even realize you hit your climax until he felt the way your muscle spasmed, knowing exactly the way you felt every single time you peaked with him inside you. Oh fuck, how on earth had he not seen that coming, heard the way your voice always hit a higher pitch right before it happened? He dropped the belt, focusing solely on the way his fingers touched you, his free hand pushing into your lower back as your hips bucked up into him.

“That’s my good girl,” he praised, loving how long this orgasm was lasting. “Come on my fingers as long as you need.”

Your entire body was shaking as you came down from your waves, Ken pulling his fingers out slowly, wrapping his lips around them.

“Ken,” you shivered. “The vibrator.”

“Mmhmmm?” He knew what you meant, but loved the way you were remaining in a zone of overstimulation. He leaned over onto you, pressing his hips into yours, his cock rubbing into your folds.

“Ahhhhh….no, please….”

“No, please, what?”

“Ken!”

“No, baby girl. I need you to tell me. Need to hear you say it.”

“Need a breather, please, please.”

Ken bit into your shoulder. “What if I don’t want to?”

Tears stung your eyes. “I’ll do whatever you want, for fuck’s sake. Just turn it off for a minute.”

That got his attention. He stood up and reached down to press the button and your tense body finally got to collapse fully into the mattress. Your ass was bright red, your fluids coating the toy and dripping down your pussy a little bit. Ken licked up the toy from the middle to your opening, pressing it a little harder into you, sucking on your opening. Your back arched and you made one of those kitten noises that always made him become impossibly harder.

God, he needed to fuck you. He had so many ideas now, his mind thankfully able to focus solely on you and what all he would do to you before letting you rest.

“Oh, god, please be gentle,” you whimpered as you felt your leg grabbed, knowing he was about to tie you up again.

“Just gonna make you feel good,” he promised.

You turned your head to see his eyes, a layered mix of anger and fear and….he was trying not to cry.

“Baby,” you said softly, your voice floating into his ears, and he looked at you. “What is it? What are you feeling right now?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s okay -“

“I don’t need to feel anything.”

“But you’re feeling a lot right now.”

He changed his mind. He’d tie you up later. He moved you onto your back and you kept your legs closed.

“Talk to me, Ken. Let’s work through this together.”

“Don’t want to talk about it. Want to fuck you.”

“You’ll get to -“

“We’ll talk later.”

“Promise?”

“Open your legs for me.”

“Ken -“

“Open. Them.”

You kept your legs closed, attempting to sit up but Ken leaned over you.

“I need your legs open, y/n.”

“You want them open.”

“No, I need it.”

You shook your head. “Not until you talk to me.”

Ken sighed. He dropped the belt you hadn’t notice he had been holding in his hand on the bed beside you and leaned on his forearms to kiss you.

“What are you feeling right now?” You asked against his lips.

That you’ll be gone when I come tomorrow from work. That this will be the last time I ever hold you, feel you, hear the noises you make because of me. “Nothing.”

“Baby, please.”

“Let me back inside you.” His eyes stared into yours. “I swear I’ll tell you everything later.”

“How much later?”

He kissed you deeply again, hand reaching to push itself between your folds. “Soon.”

You relented and relaxed your legs so Ken could pull them apart. The moment your wet, pink folds were visible to him, he brought the belt down in a single, stinging blow.

You weren’t sure how your body reacted other than you struggling for breath, your vision dark behind your tightly shut eyelids, an almost static-like audio blocking your ears from hearing anything else more a moment. You heard Ken’s voice bringing you back, feeling his weight on top of you.

“Such a good girl. You’re going to be fine. Ride it out for me. I’m here.”

Your eyes opened and a loud whimper escaped from deep in your throat.

“You’re going to feel so incredible in just a moment.” Ken’s voice was soft, trying to soothe you. He gently brushed a finger against your clit and you scratched at his back in response, trying to find any way to ground yourself, but then he moved down your body and licked his tongue up you.

“Touch me, please,” Ken asked, and without thinking your hands gratefully pulled on his hair, thankful for something to grip and jerk on. Ken hummed happily, going back to consume your core, and you wondered where he’d learned all of this, if he’d thought it up or if he had maybe read it somewhere.

Like the last time he spanked you before eating you out, everything was incredibly pleasurable, but today times ten, your body experiencing the intense pain somehow making the pleasure even greater, every nerve and fiber stimulated.

Your lower stomach muscles were clenching as he worked his magic, the build-up of your next orgasm almost painful, but still in the best way.

“Need you to come for me again. Need you nice and wet and relaxed.”

“Why?” You almost didn’t want to know, your body still working to process all of this.

“You’ll see.”

Your orgasm hit fast and hard again, barely able to come back down from your high when Ken inserted the vibrator again and turned it on. You felt like you were having to force your brain to focus to move your limbs as you tried reaching down to turn it off but Ken intercepted, grappling with your thrashing arms until he had them pressed into the mattress beside your head, climbing on top of you and holding one of your legs open and down with his knee gently so as not to hurt you.

“Baby, baby, I’ve got you.”

You screamed in frustration, trying to raise your arms to no avail. “What if I wasn’t letting you recover when you needed to?” You wailed.

Ken arched an eyebrow and smiled down at you. “You have.”

“Not THIS much.”

“True. You’ll have to surprise me with it sometime.” Ken carefully turned you over onto your stomach again, holding your arms behind you. “Just ride it out, baby girl. You’ve got this.”

“Pleeaasee Ken. Please, please, please.” You almost sobbed with relief when the vibrator was turned off although it remained firmly within you, deep inside your walls while still covering your clit.

“Okay, baby. It’s okay. Take your time.” Ken lay beside you, propped up on his arm, his fingers gliding up and down your back to soothe you.

He enjoyed the moment as long as his head let him. The quiet broken only by your jagged breaths and little noises as you worked to calm your body’s quivering, the softness and warmth of your skin underneath his fingers.

The voices began again, a sickening layered mix of everything he’d heard the therapist ask today. The one question threatening to overtake him completely, repeating itself, becoming more cruel each time he heard it.

“What if she does leave? What if she does leave? What if she leaves? What if she’s already left? She’s made the plans. She’s gone.”

Ken laid his head next to yours, brushing your hair out of your face.

“Tell me you love me.”

You mumbled something through your panting, your nails still gripping the comforter, trying to ground yourself.

“Please. I need it.”

“Love you.” The words were almost incoherent.

“Again.” Silence. “Please.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, y/n.”

Your eyes remained closed, feeling so incredibly tired that you were sure if Ken left you alone that you’d probably fall asleep within moments.

You felt your left leg being pulled toward the bed post again as the silky tie wrapped around it tightly then being attached to the post.

You can’t not be thinking about him when he’s not around, when you’re in class, when he’s at work…he wrapped the second tie around your right ankle, jerking a little harder than he meant to when he pulled the knot tight. He thought about you all the time, nonstop…he needed to make sure you always had a constant reminder of him.

He needed to make sure he made you sore.

The vibrator turned on again and your upper back grew tight as you felt like you might tear through the comforter while trying to hold onto something. You felt not one, but two of Ken’s fingers push inside you, your tight muscle stretching around them.

“How does this feel?” He asked.

“Ss..so..much…” You felt a third finger join his first two and your back arched. “I…so…full…”

“Mmmmmmm.” Ken watched at the way your muscle worked to relax around his fingers and the vibrator, being stretched out slowly. “I need to make sure you’re ready for me, remember?”

Oh. Dear. God. He wasn’t going to actually try and fuck you!!??!

“Ken, please think about this. You’re not going to fit.”

“That’s why I’m stretching you out with my fingers.” His free hand roamed over your lower back and ass. “I’m gonna fit inside you just fine.”

“But you won’t, though.”

“Just trust me.” He removed his fingers from you to spread your wetness around your ass hole, easily visible due to how wide your legs were being held open. He wouldn’t do anything without making sure you were okay with it, and he probably needed to wait for another day because he didn’t want to push you too much over your edge, but his focus kept snapping back to how this was the only area of you no one else had ever claimed before. No one else had touched you here, fucked you here. Maybe, if one day you relented, he could make you his in a way no one else had.

He tested just the tip of his thumb into that muscle and your legs went rigid.

“Is this okay?” He asked, genuinely wanting to make sure you were okay.

You were shocked how much it felt so good, a new pleasure you hadn’t exactly experienced before filling your entire lower region.

“Yes,” You breathed.

He rubbed his thumb just inside, moving it in small circles, and your vaginal opening clamped down onto the vibratory harder.

Fuucckk. Fuck fuck. Ken saw and heard how beautiful you’d be, experiencing anal sex for the first time with him, breaking you in by fucking you while fingering your virgin hole so you could orgasm around him before he’d sink his cock into-

No, focus here, now. He knew when you were nearing exhaustion and despite imagining how hot it would be to actually push you past what was comfortable for you because god, what if you loved it, what if he could pleasure you longer than usual after that, and he’d jerk himself off roughly in the shower while creating those scenarios in his head…he needed to make sure he kept himself in control, make sure you didn’t get hurt in any way.

He pulled his thumb out and pushed his throbbing cock against your opening partially taken up by the vibrator.

“Are you ready for me, y/n?”

“I don’t know,” you confessed, jerking against the leg restraints, wanting to plead for another break from the vibrator before going forward but also needing to feel exactly what this was about to be like.

“I’ll go slow.” He pushed his tip in then and you keened, Ken gasping loudly between how insanely tight you were, pressing into his member almost painfully, and the vibrator on the underside of his cock sending chills through his entire body. He gripped onto your hips, forcing himself still so he wouldn’t bottom out in you and hurt you. Your gasp sounded almost strangled, like you’d had the wind knocked out of you.

“Breathe, baby.”

“It hurts, ahhh, ugh, Ken, Ken…”

Please, please don’t make me stop, he thought. “Do I need to stop?”

Your voice was like velvet. “No. It hurts but it’s so fucking amazing.”

Ken pushed further inside, stopping again when your scream filled his ears - god, yes, please, so perfect, your voice only rising so loudly only for him - waiting for you to calm down a little again before going deeper.

He shut his eyes tightly trying not to cum right then. He’d never felt anything so tight, the vibrations exquisite, your voice finally fully drowning out all the awful fucking conversations and anxieties of the day. Finally, everything was quiet.

Finally, everything was just you.

He bottom out after the fourth time he thrust forward, needed to feel every inch of you as he leaned over you, holding himself up on his forearms. You lay groaning under him and he used his thumb to encourage the slightest turn of your head without straining your neck, kissing you so sweetly it felt contradictory to the amount of intense stimulation you were experiencing otherwise.

His thrusts were tender, almost intoxicated in nature, pulling almost all the way out before bottoming out inside you again, but everything somehow felt different this time.

You’d made love to him in the past, but he hadn’t been able to feel that “perfect” connection he kept hearing about in stupid romance movies, like it was some sort of magic that only existed in fiction. He didn’t know why today, but he finally felt connected to you. Like his lips were created specifically for yours and vice versa, your body only existed in this state of pleasure because of him, and obviously he had only ever felt anything like this with you.

You had tried to prepare yourself for Ken’s jealousy-fueled anxiety to consume him as soon as he cock was in you, his thrusts rough and his eyes blazing as you’d have to get used to the pain - albeit really, really good pain - until it subsided and everything only existed in a state of pleasure, but you hadn’t expected this: languid and sweet and god, you were thankful for it. You’d never been stretched this much, never had someone somehow this deep inside you, even if it only felt like it was the deepest you’d ever felt.

His hips picked up their pace but only a little, your bodies somehow seeming to move as one. Ken’s head fell into the pillow right next to where you were facing him, wanting to watch you but his eyes closing, feeling a little overstimulated himself.

“You’re being such a good girl for me,” he panted into the pillow. “You’re always so fucking good to me.”

“I need to come, Ken.” Your voice was weak.

He opened his eyes then. “Tell me what you need.”

He fucked your through your orgasm, sucking on your neck hard to mark you on this special occasion as your muscles clenched and spasmed in such a way that if you weren’t tied up and held down under Ken’d bodyweight that you would have ended up in the fetal position from your body automatically trying to curl up and away from how intense everything was.

Your whimpers mixed with a couple tears that rolled down your cheeks sent Ken over the edge, him finally losing what little control he’d held onto as he bottomed out into you over and over again until the waves calmed, and his body shook on top of your trembling frame.

He wanted to stay there and just kiss your neck and back, losing himself in you while his head swam with the aftermath of his pleasure, but he forced himself to stand up and pull himself out, removing the vibratory from you.

“Are you okay?” He asked, your body still shaking, because usually you’d have been able to calm down more by now.

“Y,y yes,” you stuttered. “Need…I don’t…kno-“

Ken ripped your ties off and turned you onto your back, your limbs limply falling onto the bed.

“I’ve got you,” Ken promised. He turned on the shower and coaxed you to sit up, your full bodyweight leaning against his chest while he held you after he’d brought you a glass of water.

He carried you into the shower and had tossed in one of those fruity scented shower bombs that you always loved after a long day at school. He crossed his legs in a way to where he could cuddle you while you rested on his lap without having to sit on the cold tile floor, and held your head tenderly while you leaned against him, bordering back and forth between being awake and drifting off to sleep.

Had he intentionally exhausted you to this extreme of a point to make sure he wouldn’t have to talk about all these stupidly hard emotions like he’d promised he would? He would keep his promise, he couldn’t ever imagine lying to you, but he didn’t want to do it today. He couldn’t.

But he would, no matter how much he didn’t want to, as soon as you asked him.

“What do you want for dinner?” He asked, lips against your forehead.

“Mmmm…chocolate.”

He smiled. “Chocolate what? Cake? Ice cream? Just a bar of it?”

“Everything.” Your giggle was sleepy and weak, but it was perfect to him.

“Then I’ll get you everything,” he promised. “Also, whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’d like to ask if maybe you’d like to go on a trip with me.”

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[newtonsheffield]

Now I am streesssssed! Is Anthony totally going to think Kate’s weird vibes are to do with him, with their relationship?? 🫣 I beg of you a happy snippet of these two to calm my nerves 🎾

Yeah look, this is all sort of coming to a head next week so… buckle up for a bit of heart ache tbh.

But one day Anthony is sitting in the player’s box with that same hat on that she’d signed years before now. He’s sat between his mother in law and his sister in law and Ben is even sat behind him. But most importantly there’s a tiny boy running up and down with his smile and Kate’s curly hair and there’s another in Anthony’s arms with his hair starting to curl as it grows in.

“Anthony!”

He turned his head to see someone leaning over the divider with a cap and pen in his hand.

“Can I get an autograph?”

Anthony stood, balancing Miles, chuckling as Neddy grabbed onto the pocket of his shorts, following him.

“Thanks, I was a huge fan.”

“Amma usually does this.” Neddy said as Anthony scribbled his signature before he ruffled his son’s hair.

“Well a million years ago Papa was a tennis player too.”

“Like Amma?”

Benedict scoffed, “Not quite little Guy.”

Anthony shot his brother a look and opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by the roar of the crowd as the players were announced and Kate walked out onto the court.

“Amma!”Neddy squeaked, bouncing on the balls of his feet, his shoes lighting up. He turned back to the man who’d asked for Anthony’s autograph. “That’s my Amma!”

Anthony grinned, ruffling his hair again. “Yeah, that’s Amma.”

He waved to the man as Neddy scrambled forward, waiting for Anthony to sit before he scrambled onto his father’s lap watching attentively.

“Amma!” Neddy called out as Kate took out her racquet and Anthony felt his heart stutter as a slow smile made its way onto Kate’s lips.

She turned towards them and blew a kiss to Neddy who gasped excitedly and the crowd cheered as the moment was caught on camera.

“Okay boys, remember we need to cheer really loud so Amma can hear us.”

“I’ll cheer so loud.”

Mary chuckled, kissing the top of her grandson’s head. “Of course you will, sweet boy.”

“It really makes you wonder if he’s Kate’s.” Edwina mused poking her nephew in the stomach so he giggled. “Look at that sweet face.”

“Mmm she was such a sweetheart.” Mary hummed as they tossed the coin.

“It might surprise you to know I was once a very cute boy also.” Anthony said dryly. “You should see my baby photos.”

“Are they in colour or black and white?” Edwina asked with a sarcastic expression.

“Hilarious.”

“Amma’s going to win.” Neddy said under his breath. “She always wins.”

Kate did win. And she climbed the edge of the box just like always to kiss Anthony first and then the boys before she lifted Neddy down to stand beside her on the court and Anthony truly can’t believe that this is his life now when he sees Kate holding hands with their tiny son who’s giving Simon a high five.

Kate and his boys. It had felt impossible when he’d stood in the doorway of her hotel room all those years ago and he’d never take that for granted.

[infiniteetcetera]

ACOTAR COUPLES X TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS

Bc I feel like there is much overlap in these fan bases and bc I can🤧 I tried to include most ships to be inclusive but I fear the ones I don’t like suffered (Nessians beware) ANYWAY:

Feyre X Rhysand

✨High Infidelity

[🎶Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life🎶]

✨You Are In Love

[🎶One night he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses then says, “you’re my best friend,” and you knew what it was, he is in love.”🎶]

✨Invisible String (no one is surprised)

[🎶Time curious time cutting me open then healing me fine. Were there clues I didn’t see? And isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me🎶]

✨The Tortured Poets Department (a song about such a pretentious man can’t not be dedicated to Rhys)

[🎶Sometimes I wonder if you’re gonna screw this up with me, but you told Lucy you’d kill yourself if I ever leave, and I had said that to Jack about you so I felt seen. Everyone who knows us knows why it’s meant to be, because we’re crazy🎶]

Feyre X Tamlin

✨Loml (goes both ways tbh)

[🎶Talking rings and talking cradles, I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all. Dancing phantoms on the terrace are they second hand embarrassed that I can’t get out of bed cause something counterfeits dead🎶]

✨You’re Losing Me

[🎶And I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her, and i’m fading thinking “Do something baby, say something”🎶]

✨Getaway Car

[🎶We were flying but we’d never get far. Don’t pretend it’s such a mystery think about the place where you first met me🎶]

✨Exile

[🎶We always walked a very thin line. You didn’t even hear me out. You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)🎶]

Nesta X Cassian

✨So it goes…

[🎶Cut me to pieces, gold cage hostage to my feelings. Back against the wall, tripping when you’re gone. Cause we break down a little but when you get me alone it’s so simple. 🎶]

✨Mr. Perfectly Fine

[🎶Mr. Every single day until the end I will be by your side, but that was when I got to know Mr. change of heart. Mr. leaves me all alone, I fall apart. It takes everything in me just to get up each day but it’s wonderful to see that you’re okay🎶]

✨Say Don’t Go

[🎶Whyd you have to make me want you? Why’d you have to give me nothing back? Why’d you have to make me love you? I said “I love you” you say nothing back 👀👀👀 🎶]

✨So Long, London

[🎶 you say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it, my white knuckled dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment. and my friends said it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair. Every breath feels like the rarest air when you’re not sure if he wants to be there🎶]

Elain X Lucien

✨Cowboy Like Me

[🎶Hustling for the good life, never thought I’d meet you here, and it could be love. We could be the way forward and I know I’ll pay for it🎶]

✨The Lakes

[🎶Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die, I don’t belong and my beloved neither do you. Those Windermere peaks look like the perfect place to cry. I’m setting off but not without my muse, not without you🎶]

✨Afterglow

[🎶I lived like an island, punished you with silence. Went off like sirens just crying. Why’d I have to break what I loved so much? It’s on your face, don’t walk away🎶]

✨ The Very First Night

[🎶I never go alone, and I don’t seem broken hearted, and my friends all say they know everything i’m going through. I drive down different roads, but they all lead back to you🎶]

Elain X Azriel

✨Guilty as Sin? (obviously, you’re not slick Sarah)

[🎶Crashing into him tonight, he’s a paradox. I’m seeing visions, am I bad? or mad? or wise? What if he’s written “mine” on my upper thigh only in my mind. One slip and falling back into the hedge maze. Oh what a way to die🎶]

✨Ivy

[🎶My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine but it’s been promised to another. Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dream land. My house of stone, your ivy grows, now i’m covered in you🎶]

✨Cardigan

[🎶You drew stars around my scars but now i’m bleeding. Cause I knew you, stepping on the last train marked me like a bloodstain. I knew you, tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy🎶]

✨Wildest Dreams

[🎶I said “no one has to know what we do” his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound. Nothing lasts forever, but this is getting good now. He’s so tall and handsome as hell. He’s so bad but he does it so well . and when we’ve had our very last kiss, my last request it is…🎶]

Gwyn X Azriel

✨So High School (i FEEL this one)

[🎶 Cheeks pink in the twinkling light, tell me about the first time you saw me. I’ll drink what you think and i’m high from smoking your jokes all damn night. The brink of a wrinkle in time, bittersweet sixteen suddenly🎶]

✨ Delicate

[🎶Sometimes when I look into your eyes, I pretend you’re mine all the damn time. Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head? Cause I know that it’s delicate🎶]

✨Sweet Nothing

[🎶They say the end is coming. Everyone is up to something. I found myself running home to your sweet nothing. Outside they’re push and shoving, you’re in the kitchen humming. All that you’ve ever wanted from me was nothing🎶]

✨All of the Girls you’ve Loved Before

[🎶Your mother brought you up loyal and kind. Teenage love taught you there’s good in goodbye. Every woman that you knew brought you here, I want to teach you how forever feels🎶]

Nesta X Eris

✨The 1 (like, please😔)

[🎶If my wishes came true, it would have been you. In my defense I have none for never leaving well enough alone. But it would have been fun if you would have been the one🎶]

✨Peace

[🎶I never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near. And it’s just around the corner darling, cause it lives in me. No, I could never give you peace. But i’m a fire, and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm, if your cascade ocean wave blues come🎶]

✨Dancing with Our Hands Tied

[🎶You said there was nothing in the world that could stop us, I had a bad feeling. I knew there was no one in the world who could take it, I had a bad feeling. But we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied. Dancing like it was the first time🎶]

✨Enchanted

[🎶Your eyes whispered have we met. Across the room your silhouette starts to make its way to me. The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy, and it was enchanting to meet you🎶]

Nesta X Azriel (let me have this🙄)

✨Slut!

[🎶Everyone wants him that was my crime, the wrong place at the right time, and I break down and he’s pulling me in. In a world of boys he’s a gentleman🎶]

✨Gorgeous

[🎶You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong. And I got a boyfriend, he’s older than us. He’s in the club doing I don’t know what. You’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much🎶]

✨Seven

[🎶Ive been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted. Your dad is always mad and that must be why. I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won’t have to cry🎶]

✨Begin Again

[🎶You pull my chair out and help me in. You don’t know how nice that is, but I do. And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it’s strange you think i’m funny cause he never did🎶]

Kallias and Viviane (i love them🤧)

✨Mary’s Song

[🎶I was seven and you were nine. I looked at you like the stars that shines in the sky, the pretty lights. And our daddies used to joke about the two of us, growing up and falling in love. and our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes🎶]

✨Timeless

[🎶And somehow I know that you and I would have found each other, in another life you still would have turned my head. Even if we’d met on a crowded street in 1944 and you were headed off to fight in the war, you still would have been mine we would have been timeless🎶]

✨The Alchemy

[🎶Cheers chanting cause they said there was no chance trying to be the greatest in the league. where’s the trophy? He just comes running over to me🎶]

✨Lover

[🎶Theres a dazzling haze a mysterious way about you dear. Have I know you twenty seconds or twenty years? Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever🎶]

[wooahaes]

match, mismatch

pairing: non-idol!lee know x gn!reader

genre: fluff + established relationship.

word count: 0.6k~

warnings: n/a just soft fluff

daisy's notes: i would have bought the cat scarf tbh

Minho didn’t think shopping for a scarf would take this long… then again, he was shopping with you. You’d been humming to yourself, debating between colors for a while to find something that was versatile but still complimented you and Minho well. Although you did stop for a moment earlier to tease him, holding up one that had little cat paws at the end—a cat scarf for my cat, hm?—before he’d chuckled and swatted it away. 

“I dunno…” You mused aloud, looking down at one that was a warm coffee brown, and another that was cream colored. “I want something we can wear with most things…”

Minho, on the other hand, had been staring at this mint colored scarf for a while. It’d caught his eye when he first came over here with you, and every time he glanced at it, he imagined you in it. Sure, it might limit what you could wear it with if you wanted to coordinate your outfit… But it was one of his favorite colors. Was it weird to want to see you in it? He wore your favorite color plenty because he liked the way you lit up when you saw him. Even imagining you in it was enough to make him smile a little.

He reached out, picking it up to see if it was really as soft as it looked. “Honey?”

You looked up with a hum. “Oh?”

“If you pick one out in your favorite color, I’ll wear it. I’ll buy this one for you, too.”

Immediately, you averted your gaze, flustered by how outright he could be sometimes. You pressed your lips together, fighting back whatever embarrassing thoughts were running through that cute head (he’d tease you about them later), and then met his gaze again. “But I thought we were gonna match…”

He chuckled. How cute. “We can still get matching scarves,” he reached out, adjusting the collar of your jacket. “But when we’re not together… I’ll wear your favorite color if you’ll wear mine.” And maybe he’ll casually drop the little fact to anyone curious enough to ask (Jisung, for certain; maybe Felix and Chris, too). Even if it clashed with everything else, he’d wear it just to see your smile. He paused, “You don’t have to—”

“No, I want to!” You stopped him from putting the scarf back. “I think… I think that’s really cute, actually.” You laughed softly, hand curling around his. “I didn’t know you’d care so much about a silly scarf.” 

“I like wearing things like this for you,” he plucked at the collar of his sweater: sure enough, it was your favorite color. “It feels intimate, in a way.” Sure, it meant the two of you wouldn’t be matching… but it did mean that he could show off how he knew you. Even though it was in a casual way, a way that most people would know you by means of your favorite color, it still meant something to know he wore something that represented you.

Again, you averted your gaze as you grew flustered all over again. He chuckled warmly, leaning in to press a quick kiss against your warm cheek. “Okay,” you said, voice suddenly tinier than it had been before, “Then I’ll pick one out.” 

In the end, the two of you ended up with two cream colored scarves to wear whenever you were on dates together. But outside of that? Minho would find himself draping the one in your favorite color whenever he had to be apart from you for long, just so he felt connected to you.

(And if it meant he’d sometimes send you a small picture, suppressing a smile at work, of himself with it wrapped around his neck… Then so be it. Just to see the flurry of heart emojis you’d send back, lovingly calling him cheesy.)

taglist: @twancingyunhao @weird-bookworm

[mcrcki]

here i come with another MASSIVE event plotting / starter call (this time with over 20 characters bc who even am i) !! before i get too much into event stuff, i just wanna put up some housekeeping things so i'm not just repeating myself over and over in the discord : i will be dropping almost all of my pre-event threads. meaning, i will only be keeping the thread if it is an active plot that needs to be continued because we aren't at a place to infer the ending. i am just so utterly overwhelmed with my number of drafts that i really need to just start fresh, so i'll be using this as my chance to spam the heck out of y'all's calls and get way more threads that i actually have muse for. i'm sorry if we had a thread you really wanted to continue, i just need a fresh start. now for housekeeping for my call, as always this will be capped. i wanna write with everyone but i can't if i get a million requests from one person so!! the cap is three starters per writer!! blind date starters will not count towards that cap. otherwise, please LIKE for plotting messages, and REPLY for starters (pls specify muses unless previously discussed!!)!

in the meantime, if you wanna see what my clowns are wearing, please follow this link to my pinterest :))

alani tiure | star wars | blind date w. cami o'connell ( 3 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : imma be so for real and say that they think they're absolutely too good for this lmao, their dad is a crime lord in the city, and really they're just here to take advantage of some free drinks and maybe check in on some clients. her date is going to have to be okay with her being slightly stuck up but will absolutely be down for some dancing despite it. potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : sofia robbin sloan torres, ellie williams, cami o'connell

beatrice | over the garden wall | date w. wirt ( 1 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : going with her favorite boy loser, wirt. definitely here just for the free party and to do something fun, now that she's human again she's taking advantage of all the things they missed out on as a bird. will definitely be here to make friends, they're a little rude at times but i promise they're kind when you get past the kind of rude exterior !!! down for shenanigans !! potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : xiao chiye

branwen | a court of thorns and roses | blind date w. enola holmes ( 1 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : winnie LOVES THIS, she hasn't gotten to have fun in pretty dresses in ages, she was still young the last time they were able to have any kind of formal party so they're really enjoying this. she wants to see everything this party has to offer so she'll be dragging her date around everywhere, wanting to take it all in potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : he xuan

daniela dimitrescu | resident evil | blind date w. jeremy smith ( 2 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : ok tbh, daniela only came to this and signed up for a blind date to possibly grab an easy snack. they're a man-eating monster idk what anyone expected here. but tbh, once they saw the girl she's actually simping over (and will not make a move yet for one reason or another) they're going to be flirting and going so far to make her jealous, it doesn't matter with who tbh. also open to some absolute chaos if you wanna do something Bad potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date (for murder purposes)

starters : myri tiure, henry creel

danika fendyr | crescent city | flying solo ( 3 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : listen danika like.. just got here, she's just getting used to the city and her memories again with her friends, since so much happened back home. she's spending the majority of her time crashing her bestie's date, for various reasons, but will be out on the floor dancing and drinking as much as she wants, enjoying the hell out of a free party potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : bryce quinlan, apple caramela, hunt athalar

elain archeron | a court of thorns and roses | date w. lucien vanserra ( 2 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : this is elain's first ball in the city, and she's very much looking forward to a night where she can just dress up in a beautiful dress and dance with her husband. things have been... rough with her family unit so she's just happy to let loose a little bit and enjoy everyone's company and dance the night away potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : lu junyi, lucien vanserra

evangeline ennar | throne of glass | blind date w. choi nam ra ( 2 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : evangeline grew up in a high fantasy world, getting dressed up in fancy clothes for a ball is all she could've hoped for coming here, and now she's old enough to really enjoy it, she is going to be having the best time for real. will be helping her mom glare at her not dad, but other than that, she would love some friends so just dance around with all night potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : choi nam ra, aedion ashryver

kaya dura | star wars | blind date w. lola flemming ( 2 / 4 )

they/she pronouns : kaya is not really in the dating and dancing mood, they are still getting over their ex after a very hard breakup, where her ex killed her and all that fun stuff. so, they're really trying to like.. get themselves out there and get over her, so they signed up for this blind date and are forcing themselves out into public again. will probably get drunk for the first time and just want to forget everything to have fun potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : kaiden monsula, kasil monsula

keelan cardulo | fourth wing | date w. mira sorrengail ( 0 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : lowkey her and mira's first public appearance as a couple, especially after everything that happened back home that resulted in keelan's death, she is very much looking forward to getting to dance with their girlfriend and just enjoy that. is a bit anti social if they don't know you, so when mira is inevitably somewhere else, find them hanging to the shadows potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters :

leia organa | star wars | date w. han solo ( 3 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : mom and dad night out!!! leia's a mom of six now, and while ya know four of the six are adults with some having children of their own, and the other 2 are less than six months old, she just wants to have a little fun. the past year has been.. hard. and despite being the president and having to be here for this ball, she would so much rather be home right now, avoiding all the memories that valentine's day now brings out in her mind. last year was the worst night of her life and she will in fact be drinking a lot to forget all that bastilla did a year ago. #thereturnoffloorgana potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : din djarin, ahsoka tano, winter celchu

louise vance | harry potter | date w. thea hughes ( 4 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : a party???? hell yeah lou is gonna be there, they love this whole vibe. will 100% be testing the limits of security and trying to ride the t rex skeletons and any other shenanigans they can get into. they're here with their best friend in the whole world, thea, and they're definitely just friends, if you see them slow dancing really close that's just what besties do potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : thea hughes, emmeline vance, bucky barnes, willie

marlene mckinnon | harry potter | flying solo ( 2 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : marlene lowkey is working this, and will be having fun but trying to stay focused on her job. she's unaware currently so, they'll just be hanging around with whoever is kind of hiding in the outskirts of the party, could absolutely be convinced to dance/will flirt given the chance, but mostly just here to have a fun day at work potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : dora tonks, esther mckinnon

morrigan | a court of thorns and roses | date w. cassandra dimitrescu ( 2 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : this thing with cassandra has been a bit of a whirlwind romance, and she's found herself really swept up in the other, and will absolutely be spending a lot of her time in their arms. but considering how her family life has been lately, she will also be checking in on family and doing what she can to make sure reporters aren't going too wild with everything going on with rhys and her family. potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : cassandra dimitrescu, rhysand

omega archeron | star wars | date w. kirei monsula ( 1 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : if i had a nickel for every time one of my muses is on a date with their best friend and convincing themselves it's not a date, i'd have 2 nickels-- anyways, omega will be here, fulfilling her role as senator archeron's messy as hell kid, and drunk as shit nearly getting kicked out for shenanigans around the maze, and also perhaps drunkenly making out with their best friend kirei that they've been pining after for years. potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : hunter

rosemary winters | resident evil | flying solo ( 1 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : now for my girl that knows she's in love with her best friend but her best friend doesn't know her and is here with another girl!!!!! honestly rose will be in a corner getting so drunk, glaring daggers at mouse's date and wanting nothing more than to be the one dancing with them. please come try to drag them out of this slump they are sulking HARD potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : lyra ayala

rowena ravenclaw | harry potter | date w. hunter ( 1 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : rowena is uneasy after the last masquerade that happened in the city, and last valentine's day, and will be spending a fair amount of time at hunter's side until she realizes that this is actually safe, that things are normal and she can cut loose a little. will be spending a lot of time dancing and mingling, happy to talk to anyone who needs some friendly conversation, even if she may just info dump at you. is VERY excited that this is at the museum and may spend more time wandering the exhibits than actually dancing. potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : arnold

sella palpatine | star wars | date w. allana solo ( 4 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : oh sella is LIVING FOR THIS. valentine's day is her fucking holiday and she will be making up for how hellish the last one was. considering the fact that her and allana have yet to have a single good date on a holiday, she is going to be spending as much time as possible making her girlfriend twirl her around the dance floor. if anyone needs a dancing partner, sella will also let you spin her :)) she is just here to get a little tipsy and enjoy all the love in the air potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : rey palpatine, steve rogers, sion val palpatine, allana solo

sophie hatter | howl's moving castle | date w. howl pendragon

she/they pronouns : once again, sophie has been dragged to one of these parties because their husband loves these things far more than she does. howl dressed them, and as long as he agreed to a babysitter, sophie agreed to come to this. they are not the biggest dancer, a bit too self conscious to put themselves out there like that, she doesn't like drawing attention to herself. which is difficult when your husband is wearing a glittery pink suit but... potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : cindy moon

sorrel blackbeak | throne of glass | flying solo ( 2 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : i am planning on letting sorrel get their memories back during the event so she's going to be having a little bit of a time trying to find the rest of the thirteen and reunite now that her memories are back. once that's sorted though, she will be a little anti social but if someone asked her to dance, they're not one to say no. potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : asterin blackbeak, manon blackbeak

tatum riley | scream '96 | blind date w. conrad fisher ( 2 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : tatum is just trying to put herself out there, to enjoy some good things in the city, even if she's a little on edge with just throwing herself into a blind date roulette, she knows she's gotta get out of her comfort zone so she's going to make the most of this party and enjoy the heck out of it. even if that means someone's gotta drive her ass home cause she's gonna be gone potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : sam carpenter, jake wheeler

vesta starkos | star wars | blind date w. riley matthews ( 1 / 4 )

she/they pronouns : listen vesta is unaware and super normal right now, and she wants to dance with a pretty girl. even if she's a little sus of all the people who keep staring at her like they know her, they just wanna dance and have a little fun, to cut loose instead of thinking about school. is up for some shenanigans and drunken adventures if people are down potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : ramona flowers

victoria sutherland | twilight | date w. james witherdale ( 2 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : vic will never pass up an opportunity to dress sexy and dance on her mate, she has absolutely zero shame and does not care who is watching them. she also loves to use these events as a perfect little hunting ground. vic will probably be upset that it's not turning into a nightmare but, she can make it a nightmare if she really gets that bored. until then? she will be annoyingly hanging all over her mate all night. potential plots ➛ drinking (not alcohol) || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date (for a drink ;) )

starters : heidi volturi, bella swan

violet sorrengail | fourth wing | date w. xaden riorson ( 2 / 4 )

she/her pronouns : did violet show up to this ball 90 minutes late, looking very flushed? yes. is she going to talk about it at all? absolutely not, her siblings are here and her friends can infer what's going on. now that she's here, vi will be happy to dance and enjoy the party with her friends and just get a few moments of normalcy considering the ticking timebomb her life has turned into, she is going to be savoring any moment of normal young adulthood with her family and friends thank you potential plots ➛ drinking || dancing || looking around the museum || general chatting || anti social food/bar behavior || attempting an escape || flirting || chaotic shenanigans || stealing your date

starters : sgaeyl, xaden riorson

[breakaway71]

For the director's cut: there's a fire burning in my bones?

Oh, man, this fic. THIS FIC. This fic has been on my mind a lot, actually, since my current 9-1-1 WIP is less a general crossover, and more a stealth crossover with fire burning. So while it's primarily a 9-1-1 fic (the working title is buck sees dead people, and I'm trying very hard to write it in a way that no working knowledge of JATP is required), it's involved a lot of re-reading to make sure the crossover parts are consistent with the story. IDEK. Look, sometimes it's just better to let the muse have their way, and the muse was pretty demanding about this one. ANYWAY! Back in the golden days of the JATP fandom, I had a lot of ideas. It was a hyperfixation that hit hard, and I was jotting down story ideas faster than I could even start writing any of them. But when the Big Bang challenge came along, there was only one story I could even contemplate writing, and that was a story about Julie becoming a ghost. I knew I wanted it to be essentially a season 2 fic. And I knew I wanted Julie to experience being a ghost, but not have her actually have to die in any kind of permanent way. That was it. Everything else that happened throughout that entire story - the entire plot, really, and the ships and the soul bonding aspects in particular - were little "eureka!" moments I had in the course of writing. Usually these brainstorms hit at 3am and had me jotting notes in my fic notebook by flashlight:

Fire burning also never went through a significant editing process. Aside from general tweaks, I was deliriously happy with how the story turned out, considering I pantsed the hell out of it. The most interesting thing, for me, though: Originally, I thought this story would end up being gen fic, or maybe Julie/Luke. When Reggie found her in the music room... Look, you know how it feels when something just unlocks inside you? And you're like "MY GOD. YES. THIS." That scene, the opening to fire burning, was my first real PING! moment about Julie and Reggie. (And I was clearly doomed forever after that moment.) Reggie wasn't even originally the one who was supposed to find her! But I wanted so badly to show the balance of her friendship with all three of the boys, so I decided it made more sense for it to be someone other than Luke in that scene. And the way everything fell into place after that, right up until the first true OT3 scene, happened almost entirely by accident. I fell in love with the idea of all of them together much the same way Julie did. A little at a time until it felt more like an inevitability, and I couldn't even pinpoint the moment I realized it was going to happen. Also: I had two absolute favorite scenes in this fic. The first is when Julie is sitting at the piano, and feels Reggie's teardrop on her hand, from where he's sitting and watching over her body in the hospital. If I was capable of serious art, that is the scene I wish I could somehow convey in visual form, which is probably why Reggie's POV ended up being the first timestamp I wrote. My other favorite scene was after the ritual, where Julie can finally 'talk' to her dad and tells him about dating Luke and Reggie. Writing Ray will always be a personal favorite for me (Family Matters was another story that happened mostly by accident tbh), and trying to determine what his reaction would be in that situation was stupid amounts of fun. WHEW OKAY I HOPE I'M DOING THIS RIGHT AND YOU ENJOYED THIS BIT OF COMMENTARY!

[ratboychronicles]

ok adding onto my Great Comet x CHNT au. thing. i have thoughts………….

WARNING FOR CHNT AND THE GREAT COMET SPOILERS

gonna assign everyone to characters n then give my argument why they’re similar

Sydney —> Natasha

scary similar tbh. i have good reason for this listen LISTEN!!

the main differences between Natasha and Sydney is that Natasha is more immature and childish. Natasha still holds some form of “”love”” or desire for love for/from Anatole when he leaves for PETERSBUURRRGGG!!! She doesn’t see through his deception in the way Sydney saw through Elijah’s—partly because Elijah is …….. very noticeably insane, and Anatole is just a charming shithead, but STILL!! i think Sydney would’ve noticed insincerity by the end even if Elijah wasn’t visibly insane.

NOW THEIR SIMILARITIES …… the big thing imo is that the two desperately seek love, while also being unaware of what love looks like—leaving them susceptible to people like Anatole and Elijah. I would say that Natasha feels neglected in similar ways to Sydney, even though Natasha is notably more universally adored than Sydney, for the both of them, the person who was meant to love them most in this case were neglecting them. NOW……. with how I’ve assigned Jedidiah in this AU, it gets sort of confusing, but i’m ignoring that for now so i can talk my shit <3

another thing i noticed abt the two of them is that out of their desperation to feel loved, they go against all warnings thrown at them—are fully willing to accept the self destruction that will follow their actions—simply to experience what they believe to be love and understanding.

“I’m afraid for you, Natasha—afraid you are going to your ruin!” “Then I’ll go to my ruin—yes I will, as soon as possible!”

“…Are you saying… the only reason you don’t want me around the Elephant Man… is because he might tell me your secrets?“ […] “Sydney, please […] You won’t be safe!” “What if I’m okay with that?”

the both of them feel desperate enough that they’re willing to risk their livelihoods to experience even the idea of affection, even if visibly not healthy at all.

SO Sydney and Natasha’s shared desire for love and to feel appreciated—along with their lack of knowledge when it comes to love—are the reasons the two of them got so close to the NASTIEST MEN EVER!!!!

“Feelings of… understanding. Of being seen. He… loves me? He recognizes how poorly I’m regarded and that… I can’t pretend that doesn’t make me feel a little better, and feel appreciated.”

“… but I love you. Of that, there is no doubt […] how else could we have kissed? […] it means that you are kind, noble and splendid, and I could not help loving you … I will love you, Anatole. I will do anything for you.”

as if….. Anatole didn’t literally force himself onto Natasha……….. and as if ……. Elijah didn’t cause Sydney distress, stalk him, and take advantage of him ….. hm…… it’s almost as if….. they were vulnerable people who fell into the hands of …. very manipulative and dangerous people……

on that note,

Elijah —> Anatole

is anyone shocked. no one should be shocked.

they both share the Disney Prince charm—they’re both also blond and talk kinda similar.

the big similarity between them is that they are! very obsessed with one person! however, dare i say…..they’re both BIG love-bombers. they shower their muse, their object of affection—with love so great, no true lover could ever meet such heights! alas, this is the point….. both make great demands, forcing the other to do something that would greatly hurt the people they love, while also convincing them that the love of their family and friends could not POSSIBLY outweigh their own practical WORSHIP!! and therefore demand they agree to an abduction for an elopement, or to steal journals that are….. special to his closest friend…… for a lack of better word. BESIDES THE POINT: doing things they would have never done unless being convinced by a person who seemingly adores them, who wants the best for them—the ONLY one with their best interests in mind.

“Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, I must love you or die. Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, if you love me, say yes! And I will come and steal you away, steal you out of the dark.”

“My love, everyone else may be sleeping on your virtues, but I am wide awake. I love you. I would die for you.”

they’re both manipulative, noticeably charming, love-bombers, and generally quite extreme in their measures (both have committed attempted kidnapping!!!)

also both are quite physical and touchy……. pushing boundaries any chance they can, taking control of the other in whatever way they can, ya know!!

the motives r obvs …… very different (one wants to preach his cult i mean religion and the other is just a whore) but they go about it in the same fucking way

MOVING ON!!!

Jedidiah —> Pierre

my assignment for Jedidiah is expected BUT i kind of had to fight myself on also assigning him to Andrei instead of just. pretending Andrei wasn’t there because. Pierre wasn’t as directly responsible for Natasha’s loneliness as much as Jedidiah is for Sydney’s, BUT….. Pierre also isn’t around LMAO and Pierre doesn’t really have a reason unlike Andrei. he’s just drinking and sulking and reading, and he believes himself to be not good enough for Natasha. same as Jedidiah, but Jedidiah was more mentally ill about it.

“If I … were not myself … but the brightest, handsomest, best man on earth …and if I were free … I would get down on my knees this minute … and ask you for your hand … and for your love.”

“I swallowed the acid I’d coughed up, and relished how it burnt my throat. I’d never spit this up again. I’d let it dissolve me before I let another heart stop. Sydney, listen to me. I love you. I’ll dissolve, okay? I’ll shatter like glass. Like the face of a clock, and it whispers, Sydney, so please don’t listen… I love you…”

NONETHELESS. feels obvious because they’re both sad pathetic wet cats and both are CUCKLODS!! PIERRE THE CUCKOLD SITS AT HOME, THE POOR MAN!!! i pretend andrei isn’t here nor does he exist because he complicates my delusions. and one does not have space for that.

also…… Jedidiah threatening to bash Elijah’s head in with a statue is such a funny image. i need to draw Jedidiah absolutely seething with rage, foaming at the mouth.

ill do assignments to everyone else based on what’d be funniest in accordance to the musical dynamics and based on character vibe

[louandhazaf]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF EVALUATION 2023

List of works published this year:

Wanted: Dog Walker // Louis needs a dog walker. / Harry answers the ad. A Social Construct // Five times Harry and Louis try to lose their virginity and one time they finally do.

Tongue Tied // Louis’ new bestie placed a hand on his shoulder; he turned with a sway and looked into his blue eyes. ”What do you wish?” / The world spun for a moment, and Louis shrugged. It was easy. The only thing he wanted. “I wish that I could tell Harry that I love him, instead of getting all tongue tied and chickening out.” / The Irishman winked. “You never know, your wish may just come true.” / “From your lips to God’s ears, mate.” He gave the man a hug. “I gotta go before my Uber leaves me.” / He stumbled to the door, and that was the last thing he remembered from the night. ‘tis the damn season // Harry returns to her small hometown over the holiday season and starts to think about the road not taken.

Work you are most proud of (and why): ‘tis the damn season because I have always said that there was absolutely no way I could write an advent fic day by day. And yet, when Nov 30th came around and I only had two chapters, my fomo won over my fear of failure and I thought I’d give it a try, because the worst that would happen is that I wouldn’t finish it, which would’ve been fine! But then with the help of everyone who read along, I actually did it! 

A favorite excerpt of your writing: unlike most years, when I quickly scrolled through my works, nothing specific jumped out, so I’ll just say that I really liked how ch 6 rolled into ch 7 in ‘tis the damn season! 

Share or describe a favorite review you received: literally every single one.

A time when writing was really, really hard: oh boy. Okay. so if you go back and read my 2022 recap, and 2021, you’ll see that writing has consistently been hard for me for a few years. So, this year I told myself not to worry about it, that I could not write a single thing and not feel bad about it. I didn’t do a ton of writing this year, but having the internal pressure off sure helped. Even though I really miss the way it used to be. 

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I’ll say Zayn in ‘tis the damn season, because I didn’t have a role for her when I started, and I really liked her as minor threat slash Louis’ bff and sometimes hookup. I want someone to write a story in her pov. lmaoooo How did you grow as a writer this year: I really tried to get rid of my perfectionist tendencies and tried to write without putting pressure on myself. 

How do you hope to grow next year: i dont even know, tbh. I’ll be very happy if I match my 2023 fic count. 

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I adore everything that @disgruntledkittenface put out this year. The way she keeps pushing herself is really inspiring.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: ummm, I guess the ‘moving back home thing’... idk. Nothing i wrote this year hit particularly close to home. 

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: i love you. please keep going!

Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: what I would give to be able to write the next installment of Swallow My Words. Thank you so much to @kingsofeverything @allwaswell16 @lululawrence and @haztobegood for tagging me! @phdmama want to join in the fun? @disgruntledkittenface did i miss yours? anyone else??? (also, here’re my responses from 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022)

[illumiiiz]

songs with some of the best guitar intros ever made in my opinion, in no particular order, a comprehensive (& continually updating) list:

Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne); I don’t care how you feel about the rest of the song, the intro fucking slaps and if you deny that you’re lying. to yourself and everyone else.

Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple); literally iconic. the intro reaches a part of my soul no other song does, besides maybe the cinematic cover version by 2wei

I Don’t Wanna Stop (Ozzy Osbourne); I feel like this is probably in a Tom Cruise movie somewhere. self explanatory. I’ve had this song on repeat for two days

Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode); again, SO iconic. if I could inject a song into my veins like drugs it’d be this one

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper (Blue Öyster Cult); maybe I should start keeping track of how many times I say “iconic” in this list. not only the intro, but the instrumental bridges throughout the song, ESPECIALLY the one after verse 2 and the second chorus… 🤌✨

For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica); *slaps track name* this bad boy can fit an intro that is SO LONG. and it ALL FUCKS.

Kickstart My Heart (Mötley Crüe); there should be some sort of warning feature installed that doesn’t let you listen to this song if you’re driving bc if you do you WILL get a speeding ticket. altho it does sound better if you’re driving tbh. but watch for cops

Welcome to the Jungle (Guns N’ Roses); see my notes on Crazy Train above

New Divide (LINKIN PARK); ok honestly this one’s a nostalgia trip for me but also just objectively I feel like it goes pretty hard regardless of what scene you were into during the 2010s and how many amvs you watched

Everlong (Foo Fighters); I mean come ON. do I even have to say anything

Panama (Van Halen); sets the hype tone for the rest of the song right away, also this is another one that’s so much better while you’re driving for some reason. whole song fucking slaps too

Whispers in the Dark (Skillet); it’s not right at the beginning like most of these other ones are but just. just give it 20 seconds I promise it’s worth it.

Monster (Skillet); while we’re on the topic. imagine trying to fight the weird kid allegations and then these two songs come on back to back. lol. couldn’t be me..

Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana); ICONIC. changed the game forever and ever.

Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) (Big & Rich); this one’s mostly just here for that drop at the beginning cuz it’s actually pretty dope

The Adults Are Talking (the strokes); I can’t explain how this one makes me feel. but boy does it make me feel

Thank You For The Venom (My chemical romance); LITERALLY SO GOOD. sometimes I’ll listen to this song just to headbang to the intro and then skip the rest

Scotty Doesn’t Know (Lustra); this is embarrassingly near the top of my “songs I recognize within the first 0.1 seconds” list. we don’t need to talk about that tho

Headstrong (Trapt); even if you don’t know the name of this song you would recognize the intro, I’m sure of it

Puppet (Thousand Foot Krutch); this one had 14-15 year old me in a CHOKEHOLD OKAY and it still fucking slaps. I love this band.

Are You Gonna Be My Girl (Jet); fun fact the first time I heard this song was in the movie Flushed Away so now I always associate it with that 💀 but yeah this song bangs

Supremacy (Muse); gosh this whole song is just. like. RIDICULOUSLY good imo, the vocals the strings and drums combo,, the intro part lays the foundation tho. easily one of my favs out there

Iron Man (Black Sabbath); NO SHUT UP BC THE WAY IT SOUNDS LIKE A HEARTBEAT AND BREATHING ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Immigrant Song (Led Zeppelin); see notes for Crazy Train and Welcome to the Jungle

Living Dead Girl (Rob Zombie); gets stuck in my head a lot.

Something In Your Mouth (Nickelback); yes, I listen to them unironically and yes, this song made the list

Square Hammer (Ghost); honestly I listen to this song pretty much solely for the guitar track in it

Let It Happen (Tame Impala); I don’t know what instruments those are at the beginning but one of them sounds like a bass and regardless, the thing slaps so I’m including it bc I want to

link to the spotify playlist! (updated 2/23/24)

[my-past-disgusts-me]

Your turn to be asked ship edition

Yttd: what is your opinion on Naosara, Q-Kai, Ransara, KeijiAlice and Naoshin?

Ace attorney: what do you think about Wrightworth, Franmaya, Phoenix and Iris, Godot and Mia?

Great ace attorney: you already asked me nearly all major ships, so I want to ask about the same thus Asoryuu, Susahao, Susagina and Homumiko. (Also maybe Hosonaga and cure from whatever allergy he has, guy should stop coughing up blood)

Alright! Starting with YTTD ships we have

Q-Kai: I love these guys together. This is one of those ships where as I was watching a playthrough I thought “oh. Oh they are in love I think. Oh these bitches gay.” Q-taro’s actions in ch. 2 are so tragic yaoi it’s amazing, how do you do it man. I think, in a non-death game universe, they would have a very compelling slowburn romance where they grow to respect each other unconditionally and that, I think, is romance. Idk I’m aro.

Naosara: GUH. TRAGEDY. SORROW. Two girls supporting each other through their trauma. I think Sara would become a muse for Nao. I think they’d have a tumultuous but ultimately healthy relationship. I think these two deserve each other’s support. I think they should kiss and cuddle and watch shitty movies together. 10/10.

KeijiAlice: I don’t have strong feelings either way. I think they could make each other happy. Good for them.

Naoshin: it’s cute but I think they’re better as besties.

Ransara: This one I dislike. It feels weird to me. It’s compelling in a “depths of human depravity” kind of way but also it’s far too real to me. Not a fan but I see why people like it.

Now for Ace Attorney!

Franmaya: I love wlw so much tbh. I want them to be happy. No thoughts only girls in love

Wrightworth: what can I say on this that hasn’t already been said? Nothing. Moving on!

Godot/Mia: I haven’t played/watched the later games so I don’t know much but what I have seen of them is cute and I think they make a nice family tbh. No complaints here, Godot makes a pretty good big brother for Maya

Phoenix/Iris: another idk moment. Also Feeny is annoying sorry. I’m not a fan but also they really seemed to love each other which I respect. On Iris’s part. I can’t respect Feeny I’m sorry he’s such a little bitch /affectionate

And now for DGS :]

Okay so mayyyybe I just like dgs ships a lot. Maybe it’s maybelline.

Susahao: childhood friends to lovers 100K slowburn Susato transitions and Haori loves her the whole time. We love a failgirl who is tripping over herself because her friend looks so good in drag. We love a competent girl getting her girlfriend out of jail. We love women in general tbh. I think they are so cute and also Susato deserves all the girlfriends.

Susagina: Speaking of Susato deserving all the girlfriends, I really like Susagina. Neither of them are afraid to get their hands dirty, both of them are stubbornly supportive of their friends, both of them want justice and truth, they’d be great. Power couple honestly. They deserve the world. Love em to death

Asoryuu: these fuckers got me writing nonsexual omegaverse fanfiction wtf is wrong with them (me) anyways

Homumiko: I haven’t finished the games so I don’t know their whole history but I love me some middle aged man yaoi. Also Iris deserves extra dads since her first one. Y’know. Died or whatever. Also Sholmes needs someone reasonable to keep him from going off the rails and it can’t be Ryuu because he’s barely holding on himself. Classic Ace Attorney defense lawyer behavior.

And that’s all! Thanks for asking bestie (and also for telling me my asks weren’t open OOPS anyways)

[aretarers]

metric album ranking off the top of my head instead of sleeping. uhh 1. live it out solid all the way through & has so many of my favorites both new and old plus live it out as a closer song makes me feel things (hope i live it out hope i live it out hope i...) 2. formentera because it seriously only continues to grow on me i cannot overstate how much ive listened to formentera (the song itself) in the past few months and recently ive had false dichotomy (FALSE DICHOTOMY NO CHOICE TO CHOOSE HAAATE!!! LOOOVE!!! HAAATE!!! LOOOVE) stuck in my head a bunch same with oh please (I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST WHAT EVERYONE DID I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST HOW EVERYONE LIVED) 3. fantasies which without gold guns girls would be like one lower probably but ive already talked about how that song did things to my brain in 2020 also sick muse too tbh and of course other metric classics 4. art of doubt so many bangers one after another 5. old world underground where are you now mostly for the hustle rose/on a slow night/love is a place trifecta 6. formentera 2 it's not bad it's just not as good as formentera but it does have insane song who would you be for me (we met on the sixth of june two zero zero two when i served you attitude and sometimes i'd serve you coffee too with the overnight crew before they closed that cafe) (the city's been mean to you lately but when will you ever leave i could be the girl for you but who would you be for me) (ways of stopping time driving my willpower still as the night) as well as nothing is perfect & go ahead and cry 7. grow up and blow away despite this one being so far down i still really love it (on the sly/the twist/white gold) (grow up and blow away the song itself (IF THIS IS THE LIFE WHY DOES IT FEEL SO GOOD TO DIE TODAY BLUE TO GRAY GROW UP AND BLOW AWAY)) 8. pagans in vegas would likely be higher i just need to listen to it more i think however shoutout to for kicks 9. synthetica...again this is just a case of me not really giving it a good solid chance. and finally not an album so im not ranking it but can we get a special shoutout specifically for empty (dirt road version) okay thanks