#alright not REALLY toxic. just the usual i think. it's a short thing it's just them talking to each other just me digging into them

[mementoasts]

binge watching kaguya-sama has sucked the energy to write toxic masadai fic out of my body. i want to be in LOVE

[jjhyn]

"melody of a broken heart"

“melody of a broken heart”

pairing: riize anton lee x reader “y/n”

genre: lovers to exes - angst

plot: a happy relationship is what most people want when it comes to finding love. love is a strong word and it can mean a lot of things. you can love a person, a song, a feeling, an item, but what happens when you fall out of love? 

warning: not much, a lot of cursing and toxic behavior in a relationship

notes: like i said… i am obsessed with riize lol not proofread and if there are any warnings you’d like me to add pls lmk, as per usual, italics are dialogue. also mentions of riize members and ningning as y/n’s best friend! enjoy!!!

word count: 8142

“hey, what are you doing next weekend?” you ask anton while plopping onto his bed next time. he almost instantly moves over, not in the way so that he could make room for you, but in the way so that he could have some distance from you. 

“uhh, i think i’ve got some plans with the guys. gonna hit the studio, i think.” he responds softly, eyes still glued to his phone. “you think..? what you’re not sure about your plans?” you ask, questioning his intention. he drops the phone on his lap with a sigh that turns into a smile, “no, i do have plans this weekend, but what’s up?” he asks while moving closer to you; almost like he noticed that you were starting to get frustrated with his behavior. you stare at him for a moment, your faces are closer now as you’re both laying on your stomachs with your chin propped up by your elbows. 

“nothing, i thought you’d want to check out that record shop that just opened downtown.” you say while turning over onto your back. opting to stare into his bedroom ceiling instead of his eyes, a way to avert your true emotions behind what you really want from him. “uhh, maybe. when?” anton asks. you don’t respond for a second, getting lost in thought as your eyes bore holes into anton’s ceiling. “hey!” he says with a playful shove, knocking you out of your thoughts. you take in a big breath before responding, “nothing… i think i’m gonna head home.” you say while rolling off his bed. anton throws his hands up with a shrug, “what? you don’t wanna go to the record store?” he asks. “nah, it’s more your thing anyway. just wanted to ask if you wanted to go but you’re busy so it’s alright.” you explain while slipping your shoes on. “text me when you get home!” anton says as you make your way out of his room. you roll your eyes as you leave, scoffing at the fact that anton didn’t even bother to walk you out of his apartment. 

it’s almost 6pm when you leave anton’s place. you don’t live that far and the sun was still up so you didn’t bother walking home. the wind was a bit chilly but the sun felt warm, you were excited for spring; it was your favorite season and luckily your hometown didn’t receive a lot of rain so you were able to enjoy the outdoors before it got too hot outside during the summer. 

you passed by a couple corner stores on your way home, popping in to grab a drink and a small snack; opting to eat some donut holes and a bottle of tea for dinner instead of a real meal. before you knew it, you were walking up the stairs to your apartment and jumbling your keys around to unlock the door. when you enter your’re greeted by your small dog. a 3 year old cavalier king charles spaniel named teeny your boyfriend got you on your 2nd anniversary. you bent down to give her some kisses and rub her belly before making your way to your room. 

the air was very still in there, almost like it had been unoccupied for months. you crack open a window and change out of your clothes into something more comfortable, a pair of shorts and one of anton’s hoodies you stole. you shuffle into your bed and teeny follows, jumping onto your mattress and making herself comfortable by your legs. you’re munching on a donut hole when you get a text from anton, “you home yet?” he asks. you quickly swipe away he text and go back to scrolling on your phone when another text from anton appears, “don’t even try to ignore me.” you texts with the annoyed face emoji. you find the text kind of cute, especially when he uses emojis, so you give in and respond. “yes, i’m home babe.” you respond quickly as you watch the indicator change from delivered to read. you wait a couple minutes and it continues to stay as a read, getting annoyed that anton doesn’t even bother to respond. 

you spend the rest of the night mindlessly scrolling on your phone and playing with teeny, trying to brush away the feeling that your relationship with anton hasn’t been ideal the last few weeks. you suddenly check your phone when you realize it’s now 3am. thankfully you didn’t have work the next day so you didn’t mind. you were going to continue scrolling when your tummy grumbled, you weren’t planning on eating anything but you decided to make ramyeon because it sounded good and you had some green onions about to go bad anyway. 

as you made your way to the kitchen with teeny in tow, you decide to watch some instagram stories. some of your friends studying, funny photos of people’s dogs, and you stop in your track when one of anton’s friends, wonbin, story appears and its anton and his friend group. they’re in anton’s room, a room you know far too well, and they were just playing with anton’s instruments. a part of you was a bit hurt he didn’t ask you to stay so you could hang out with them or even ask you to come back after you had got home since you didn’t live too far away. with your appetite gone, you made your way back to your bed, tossed your phone into a pile of clothes in the corner of your room but not before putting it on do not disturb. you shut your eyes and let sleep takeover. 

you’re awoken the next day by teeny pawing at your sleeping figure and soft whimpers indicating she was probably hungry. you get up to feed her when you realize it was still dark out. you look around your room to find your phone, which is now under a few old clothes as the pile of clothes before toppled after you tossed your phone. picking it up and checking the time, it reads 8:56pm. had you slept through the whole next day? your phone says it was now the day after which leaves you shocked. you’re thrown off by all of the notifications on your phone, some missed calls and texts from anton, some from your best friend, and to your surprise, a couple from anton’s friend. before you’re able to check out all of the notifications, teeny barks at you reminding you to feed her. “sorry babygirl!” you say while quickly getting up to fill her food bowl downstairs. 

you’re trying to catch up on notifcations on your phone while simultaneously filling the food ball, causing you to accidentally overfill the bowl. you don’t mind as teeny is probably starving as she’s gone the whole day without eating since you slept through the whole day. your stomach grumbles at you, reminding you that you as well haven’t eaten all day. 

you sat at your kitchen counter for a moment to catch up on what’s been going on, still confused as to how you ended up sleeping for so long. 

text message from bestie: 

“hey girl! you free this weekend? my parent’s are leaving town so i have the place to myself if you wanna have a sleepover!” sent at 2:33pm

“you okay? you’re probably with anton, just text me if you’re down! you can bring anton and his friends too, seunghan is cute.” sent at 5:56pm

text message from unknown (could be: wonbin):

“hey! you coming to our show this weekend?” sent at 4:27pm

text message from unknown (could be: sohee):

“y/nnnnn, anton said he hasn’t heard from you all day? he’s a bit a sad today :c” sent at 4:48pm

“when did anton’s friends even get my  number?” you thought to yourself. you found it a bit weird considering you’ve only met them once but even weirder that it seemed like it was such a big deal you were MIA for a day. 

text message from chanyoung <3:

“hey babe, you up?” sent at 9:36am

“come over later?” sent at 10:05am

“are you upset? did i do something???” 10:23am

*missed call at 10:30am*

*missed call at 10:32am*

“y/n if i did something just tell me, you know how much i hate when you ignore me…” sent at 11am

*missed call at 11:16am*

*missed call at 12:32pm*

*missed call at 1:03pm*

“i stopped by and you weren’t home? i heard teeny barking but it seemed like you aren’t home. just text me when you can i guess…” sent at 3:21pm

*missed call at 4:06pm*

“just got to sungchan-hyungs for practice, we’re working on a new song today.” sent at 4:09pm

“what’s going on? where are you?? i just hope you’re ok…” sent at 7:19pm

you were a bit perplexed, nothing happened the whole, at least for you, but it seemed like it was such a big deal to everyone else you were gone. it wasn’t like this just yesterday, when it seemed like anton couldn’t care less about you; disregarding your efforts to spend time and barely acknowledging your presence while laying next to him. 

you sit in silence for a minute and realize teeny had devoured her bowl of food and was now staring at you with her head tilted. “outside?” you quickly ask and she does a spin followed by a bark. you walk towards your front door and let her out onto the front yard. you take a seat on the steps in front of your home and decide to give anton a call. 

“y/n? oh my gosh, where are you? are you okay?” he instantly answers and begins to ask questions. “anton, i’m fine. i just slept through the whole day is all.” you explain shortly. you hear him release a heavy sigh of relief. “you scared me…” he says softly. you heart melts a little, whenever anton acts endearingly always makes your heart flutter. “i’m okay, don’t worry. thank you for worrying about me but i was just really tired.” you explain further. 

“did you have dinner already? i quite literally haven’t eaten all day so i’m pretty hungry.” you ask anton, hoping he would come have dinner with you. “i could eat!” he says. “cool, your place or mine?” you ask him getting up from your spot on the stairs. “i’ll come to you, you’re probably tired and i started walking over as soon as i got your call.” you can’t help but smile at his words. feeling as if the negativity you were so focused on yesterday within your relationship could’ve all just been in your head. “ok! i’ll start the ramyeon so it’s almost ready by the time you get here.” you say your quick goodbyes before entering your home and calling for teeny to follow suit. 

the noodles are a few minutes from being finished by the time anton knocks on your door. you open it and you’re instantly engulfed in his arms. he’s rubbing your back and squeezing you, “you need to stop putting your phone on do not disturb, i thought you died or got kidnapped.” he says into the top of your head. for a moment you just enjoy being in his arms, the smell of his hoodie, and the feeling of his broad shoulders and strong arms wrapping around you. you peek out from his chest to look at him, “you’re so dramatic, come on the food is almost done.” you say, breaking away from the hug and taking the pot of noodles off the stove. 

“i’m not hungry, just have it all.” he says to which your smile drops a bit. “what? i thought you were going to have dinner with me?” you say trying to hide your sadness. “i just got back from dinner but i wanted to make sure you ate.” he says taking a seat at the kitchen counter, picking up teeny off the floor, “poor teeny, she was probably so worried about her mommy being passed out all day.” he says jokingly. a part of you is trying not to overthink, the negative thoughts of your relationship were starting to fill your head again and you were trying your best to keep them out. 

you take a seat across from anton on the counter and begin to eat your food. not caring that it was still very hot because you were starving. you’re eating in silence after realizing anton hasn’t really said anything. you look up and see he’s on his phone again, smiling, and occasionally letting out a chuckle. “what’s so funny?” you ask, wanting to actually spend time with him and not just feel like he was some guy in your home. “huh? oh, nothing. shotaro-hyung just sent me a funny video of eunseok-hyung.” he quickly explains, going back to putting all of his attention to his phone.

you remember the text you got from wonbin, about their show this weekend. “sooo, are you busy all weekend? maybe we can still check out that record store if you’ve got time?” you ask, almost testing him to see if you could catch him in a lie of some sort. 

“mmm, yeah. i’ve got practice saturday and sunday my grandparents are coming to visit.” he says without even looking up from his phone. you could almost feel a piece of your heart break. it’s not like he told a huge lie but he still lied. instead of being honest and inviting you to his show, he made an excuse not to be around you. you sadly look down and went back to quietly eating your dinner.

anton left not much later after you had finished your dinner. dumping your dishes into the sink. you were starting to think that all of these negative thoughts you’ve been having wasn’t only in your head and maybe it was the reality of your relationship with anton. you were about to take a shower when your phone begins to ring. 

“y/n! where the hell have you been!!” your best friend, ningning yells after you answer the phone. “sorry ning! i slept through the whole day, i just finished dinner, was about to shower when you called.” you say apologetically. “i was so ready to bust your door down but i figured your boyfriend would do it.” she say while laughing. “yeah… something like that.” you say quietly. ningning could instantly tell something was off, “what’s wrong?” she asks. “and don’t even try to tell me nothing is wrong. we’ve been friends since we could count to 10.” she says almost threateningly. you laugh for a short moment before explaining your theories about your relationship and how lately it hasn’t really felt like a relationship. 

“my offer stills stands! come over for the weekend? we could have a sleepover just like old times, i can pick you up right now.” ningning says trying to find a way to cheer you up. she’s always been by your side and someone you could truly rely on. after high school, you and anton went to the same university for a year. he dropped out the next year to pursue music and ningning transferred to a private university a couple cities away so you rarely see each other anymore. “you know what, i’m not even taking no as an answer. pack a bag and be ready when i get there.” she says and you can hear her grab her car keys. “ning, i'm naked right now i was about to shower.” you say even though you haven’t even taken anything off. “girl, i don’t care. shower at my place, i’m on my way. byeee!” she says before ending the call. you scoff and drop your head a bit with a sigh. 

half an hour later, ningning is at your front door, hip out and head tilted waiting for you. she picks up teeny and grabs your weekend bag. “thanks ning” you say softly as she places your bag and dog into the back seat. the ride to ningnings apartment felt short, you mostly looked out the window while sang along to the radio. 

you settled into her apartment, letting teeny roam free. “so… anton. what’s going on?” she asks. you plop down onto her bed face into the mattress. you mumble some words before ningning cuts you off, “girl i can’t hear a thing you’re saying.” she says to which you turn your head towards her; explaining in further detail the last few days and adding the fact that he lied to you about his whereabouts this weekend. 

“that jerk!” ningning says with a high pitched gasp. “do you want me to punch him? i’ll do it!” at this point ningning is now standing up on her bed with hands on her hips. “i’ll break his guitar or that little computer he always walks around with. i’ll even take on his friends, i can take down the big ones!” she says while punching her fist into her other hand. you grab her hands and drag her to sit back down. “no one is punching or taking anyone down ningning.” you say trying to calm her down. “i’m serious y/n! i’ll break his nose!” she says almost yelling. “yizhuo!” you exclaim and ningning instantly comes to her senses. you’ve always done this with her, whenever she gets too riled up you’d just call her by her traditional name and she’d snap out of it like a mom called their child their full name when they’re in trouble. 

the rest of the night goes smoothly. you take a shower while ningning spends some time of teeny. you do typical girl sleepover activities like doing your nails, skincare, watching movies, and eating snacks. you’re getting ready for bed when ningning lets out a high pitched gasp followed by a devious facial expression. “what? why? why are you making that face, i hate when you make that face, it means you’re up to something.” you say while trying to hide under the blanket. ningning jumps on the bed, startly teeny causing her to jump off the bed and continue her sleep on the floor near ningning’s stack of plushies. “i have a brilliant plan! what if we went to his show?” she suggests. you make a face at her, “what? that’s stupid i’m mad at him i don’t wanna see him!” you defend. “okay, but think about it. imagine how bad he’ll feel after seeing you there and you weren’t even invited.” she explains to which you respond by showing her wonbin’s text, which is kind of an invite. 

ningning snatches your phone and types something and tosses it back to you. “what did you do?” you say when your phone surprisingly gets a text. 

text message from wonbin:

“sure thing! we’re playing at 8pm saturday night, here’s the address. see you and your friend there!”

“Seven Sirens, 127 N St”

wonbin had texted you back with the details of their show and the address. a local bar named seven sirens. you’d been there a few times with anton, once being where you had your first fight. “ningning i can’t believe you texted him.” you say and ningning grabs your phone. “i can’t believe he responded so fast.” she says while reading the text. 

“what if wonbin tells anton i’m coming? then it defeats the whole purpose!” you explain and ningning begins typing again on your phone. “already ahead of you babe.” she says and hands you your phone afterwards. she had texted wonbin that you showing up was a surprise and not to tell anton. you look at her with a straight face and she just smiles and shrugs. “come on, let’s go to sleep, we have a big day tomorrow!” she says while getting under the blankets and turning off the lights. 

your follow ningning and try to get some sleep but sleep doesn’t come as easy to you as it does ningning. in just a few moments you can hear her soft snores while you’re awake for another hour worrying about the events that are going to unravel saturday night. 

you’re awoken by ningning jumping on the bed followed by teeny also jumping onto the bed and barking. “come on y/n wake up! i ordered breakfast it should be here soon.” she says while pulling the blankets off of you. you get up with a stretch and follow ningning into her kitchen. just as you’re sitting down at her dining table, her doorbell rings, she runs to grab the food at her doorstep and sets it up on the table. “you should stop ordering out so much, your bank account is going to hate you.” you say while scooping some eggs and fruit onto your plate. “eh, it already hates me. plus i don’t know how to cook, do you want me to burn down my apartment?” she says while taking a bite out of her croissant. “true…” you quickly respond and the two of you finish breakfast while teeny eats out of the bowl you brought with you in your weekend bag. 

it’s a couple hours later when you and ningning start to get ready for the show. you’re starting to get nervous again when ningning comes up behind you, she wraps her arms aroud your neck and settles her head on top of yours. “we don’t have to do this. i know i was being a little crazy last night but if it’s too much for you we can stay home.” she says trying to comfort you. you look at her through the mirror you’re currently sitting in front of for a moment before responding, “no… i feel like we need to go.” you say and a smile breaks out onto ningning’s face. “ugh! thank god, i was going to be bummed if you wanted to stay home!” she says with a laugh as she retreats into her closet to change. you shake your head and laugh with her. 

it’s 7:29pm when the two of you finish getting ready. ningning is in low cut black flared leather pants, a baby blue tube top with an image of a bear on it,  a pink knit bolero, and platform heels. you were dressed in a two piece green silk crop top and skirt that landed a couple inches above your knees paired with matching heels. you thanked ningning for the outfit as she put on perfume. “no problem bestie” she says. “come on, uber is here!” ningning says while grabbing your hand leading you to the front door. you knelt down towards teeny before you left, “be a good girl teeny! don’t poop or pee on anything besides your doggy pad.” you say before patting her head and leaving. 

the uber ride to the show felt like an eternity. it felt like the longer you were in the car the less you could breathe. ningning noticed this through your leg bouncing, she asks the driver to roll down a window and she places her hand on your knee and softly rubs it. “its okay, if at any moment you wanna leave, we leave okay?” she says trying to comfort you. you nod worriedly and the car comes to a halt, “we’re here ladies.” the driver says. you and ningning exit the car and thank the driver before he speeds off.  

ningning holds your hand, guiding you towards the entrance of the pub; a bright red neon sign that reads “Seven Sirens”. as ningning pulls you to enter the building, you halt, causing ningning to slightly trip on and turn around. “are you ok? do you wanna go?” she asks while coming closer to you. you’re staring at the neon sign, the red light illuminating your face, slightly blinding your vision. the neon sign slightly flickers and the light fades for a moment before coming back on. ningning squeezes your hand softly, trying to get your attention. “y/n?” she says. you let out a deep breath, “come on.” you say and now you’re the one dragging her into the pub. 

you and ningning are finding your way through the crowd, it’s a lot bigger inside than it seems and the place was packed. a part of you feeling more hurt that there was such a big turnout and anton didn’t invite you. such a special moment for him to be able to perform the music he makes for such a huge crowd and you would’ve missed it. now you were there, somewhat of an imposter; knowing anton didn’t want you there, almost as if you were trespassing. you and ningning push pass a couple patrons, some college guys grabbing drinks for the weekend, some middle aged women who seem to be trying to enjoy some time away from their families, and definitely some underaged people who somehow got in, probably with a fake ID. 

you find your way to the bar, resting your arms on the counter while you and ningning catch your breath. it felt so stuffy in there you almost forgot that you were anxious about something else in the first place. “what can i get you two lovely ladies?” the bartender asks. a guy who looked to be in his late twenties, tattoos run down his left arm. you’re still catching your breath so ningning decides to order for the two of you. “yeah, just 2 vodka sodas please. heavy lime, thanks.” she says while handing him her card to start a tab. “you ok?” she says while rubbing your back. “yeah i’m good. i think i just need a drink.” you say while looking at her. the bartender soon hands the two of you your drinks. you grab it from him and down the whole thing, ningning just stares at you in awe. “damn girl, slow down.” she says jokingly. you slam the glass on the counter and wince, the alcohol burning on it’s way down. 

ningning is sipping on her drink and looking into the crowd when she spots wonbin who seems to be making his way over to the two of you. she slaps your shoulder to try to get your attention. you look at her confused and see that she’s slightly pointing her head into a specific direction. you find wonbin who was now approaching and you straighten up. “hey! you made it!” he says with a toothy smile. “yeah! we’re just grabbing a drink.” you say and turn to look at ningning and realize she’s giving heart eyes and twirling her hair while looking at wonbin. you swat her arm, “right ning?” you say and she snaps out of her trance. “yeah.” she says while smiling and extending her hand to wonbin, “i’m ningning by the way.” wonbin accepts her hand and shakes it. “wonbin!” he says with a smile and slight blush. 

“you want me to grab chanyoung?” wonbin asks, pointing somewhere into the back of the pub. “no!” you exclaim slightly scaring him. you awkwardly chuckle, “she’s here to surprise him. he thinks she’s out of town.” ningning explains. wonbin nods, remembering the text you had sent him the night before. “oh yeah! cool well, i hope you guys enjoy the show. we’re performing a new song anton wrote. i gotta go get ready.” he says giving the two of you a quick hug before running off to the back. 

“he’s so dreamy…” ningning says staring out to the direction wonbin left. “ningning focus! i can’t have you losing focus i can barely think right now.” you say while turning around to ask the bartender for another drink. “okay so what do we do? do we just jump him after the show?” ningning asks still sipping on her first drink. “what? no, i’m just going to walk up to him and if he tries some shit about me being here then i’m going to confront him.” you say finishing your drink. you turn around to set down your glass when you hear a voice you know all to well speak into a microphone. 

“hey everyone! i hope you’re having a fun night so far, we’re riize and we hope you enjoy are set.” anton says before he steps back and grabs his guitar. you recognize all of his friends on the stage. wonbin and eunseok had guitars, sohee and seunghan front and center on the mic, shotaro on drums, anton on the keyboard, and sungchan on bass. “come on, let’s get closer.” ningning says grabbing your hand as she pushes through the crowd. “not too close ning! i don’t want him to see me.” you say and she stops with just a few people in front of her. “this should be good.” she says. “just hide behind me if he looks over here.”

they begin to sing, playing songs you’ve heard before. some of them were original songs the group worked together to write and others were renditions of popular songs. you watched anton intensely, especially when it was his turn to sing. you almost felt bad and that you couldn’t enjoy his beautiful voice because of how upset you were. maybe you were just overthinking? maybe he didn’t invite you because he forgot? or he was shy? you’re taken out of your thoughts when the song ends and anton speaks up again. “this next song is a new one we’ve been practicing. i’ve been working on it for a while now and it’s a bit personal. it’s called falling.” he says. anton generally writes somewhat happy songs so when he mentions the song was personal you couldn’t help but feel something in the pit of your stomach. 

the song begins and it’s a lot slower than the other songs they performed. you made sure to pay attention to the lyrics because it was a song you hadn’t heard before. you realize the song had a very somber and sad tone. anton begins to sing his part when you notice the lyrics he’s singing are about falling out of love with someone. the song building into the chorus with sohee taking over, singing about losing interest and not knowing how to be happy anymore because you don’t have the same kind of love for the person you used to love so much. you’re starting to realize the song is about you and anton’s relationship. 

seunghan and anton share the bridge of the song, singing about creating distance between yourself and the other person because “distance makes the love grow fonder” but he realizes that it only makes him realize the distance is confirming his loss of love. each word anton beautifully sings is like a knife to your heart. tears begin to fall uncontrollably down your face so you wipe your eyes. when you open them again you see anton is looking right at you. the two of you make eye contact as the song ends. the group all stand together to bow at the front of the stage but anton is still fixated on you. you shake your head at him and head towards the exit of the building.

ningning follows closely behind, making sure to be there for you as your tears continue to fall. the two of you make it outside and the first thing you do is run your hands through your hair and let out a groan. “hey, i’m so sorry babe. it’s going to be okay.” ningning says while giving you a hug. you hug her back and cry into her shoulder as she comforts you on the street outside the pub. 

anton jumps off the stage and runs after you. the rest of the members are surprised by his actions as they watch anton push through the crowd towards the exit. he finally makes it to the exit when he finds you crying into ningning’s shoulder. 

“babe…” anton says softly. you raise your head from ningning’s shoulder, seeing anton in that moment made something go haywire in your head. you let ningning go and walk towards him. “what the fuck is wrong with you?” you say almost in a whisper. anton is speechless. shaking his head back and forth and retracting his hands. trying to come up with some explanation but no words were coming out and his own body was betraying him; stiffening and unable to even move. 

“is this your sick way of telling me you wanna break up?” you ask, voice slightly rising. “you didn’t even invite me to this show… and now i know why.” you turn around shortly but go back to facing him. “you have nothing to say?” you question him, moving closer to his standing figure. “you had so much to say on stage but now it’s nothing?”...

“what did i ever do to you anton? i did my best to be the most loving and supportive girlfriend i could be. i was there for you every step of the way, from our first day of college to even helping you convince your parents that dropping out & pursuing music was okay.” anton was going to speak but you cut him off, “i’m not done!” you say, now yelling. people on the street were starting to stare but you didn’t care. 

anton’s friends pile out of the pub and find the two of you arguing. “everything okay?” sungchan asks. “no! it’s not!” you yell back. “anton wrote that fucking song about me. the one about falling out of love? yeah that had our relationship written all over it. you think i wouldn’t be able to tell that it was about us?” you ask him and again he had nothing to say. “you’re a joke… and we’re done.” you say as you got close to his face. you stare at each other for a moment before you swiftly turn around and start walking down the street. “where are you going?” anton finally speaks up. “anywhere but here!” you say with a middle finger in the air. 

ningning lets you walk alone for a bit, before joining you she turns around and throws her drink at anton. “you’re a dick.” ningning says and scroffs. she could hear “oohs” and “ahhs”  from the guys and random people on the street. “okay, i deserve that.” anton says while wiping his face. “you deserve more than that. but i’m not going to waste anymore time on you than y/n has on your relationship.” she says before jogging after you. 

you and ningning return to her aprtment and the two of you spend the rest of the night in her bed with ningning consoling you. she’s never seen you so heartbroken before. she’s seen you go through breakups before but this one seems so different from the others. “i’m so stupid ning… i saw all of the signs. i spent so many nights, awake and worried he didn’t love me anymore; and i was right…” ningning heard you say while you turned away from her facing the wall. 

“y/n…” she says while sitting up and so do you. “you’re not stupid. it’s not your fault you chose love and anton was too dense to see how much love you gave him.” she said while putting her arm around you. “it doesn’t matter what reason he has for falling out of love with you because you put so much of yourself into your relationship. so much to the point you were starting to love him more than you loved yourself and maybe this is a sign for you to take back that love and put it back into love yourself…” you don’t respond but the two of you stay like that for a moment before you fall asleep. ningning tucks in and falls asleep next to you, closing her eyes and hoping that you’d take her words seriously. that you deserve the love you so freely give others. 

it was the next day, you spent all of sunday in bed with ningning. it felt just like the old days, whenever one of you would go through a breakup in high school you’d spend the night at each other’s house while the other cried it out. it felt comforting to know after all these years you and ningning could really count on one another, like you were actually sisters. “you sure you wanna go home? you can stay here for as long as you need.” she says while carrying teeny in her arms. “yeah i’m sure, i should probably go home. classes start again next week and i have some stuff to catch up on anyways.” you explain while packing up the last of your things into your bag. “you’re welcome here whenever and for however long. always!” she says while giving you a hug. 

your phone dings letting you know your uber was here, “you know you didn’t have to get an uber, i could’ve driven you.” she says while putting her hand on your shoulder. “no ningning, you’ve already done enough for me this weekend.” you say while grabbing her hand. you say your last goodbyes and hug before entering your uber. once inside you roll down the window and thank her for all of her support and kindness and as you drive off you can still see ningning standing at the front of her apartment building waving at you. 

text message from bestie:

“text me when you get home ok? love you always!!” sent just now

after a somewhat long uber ride home, the driver drops you off just around the corner of your home. you thank him for his service, grab your bag and teeny and make your way home when you see anton sitting on the stairs in front of your home. you stop in your steps and he looks up at you and stands. you don’t know what to say and you definitely weren’t expecting to see him, especially not this soon. teeny barks at her dad and she wiggles out of your arms and runs over to him. he kneels down to her and pets her, giving her a small hug. 

you muster up the courage to walk up to him, now standing next to him on the stairs, you just stare at him. you’re looking up at him into his eyes, trying to fight back tears. it seems he was going to begin to say something when you turn away to open the door and enter your home. teeny follows and so does anton but not before you close the door in his face before you could enter. anton sighs and thinks to himself that this was going to be a lot harder than he thought. 

he softly knocks on the door, you contemplate just leaving him our there and just completing ignoring him. however, teeny’s barks and your curiousity get the better of you. you simply couldn’t rest without knowing how you got here. feeling so alone, unloved, and in desperate need of clarity.

anton was about to knock again when the door swings open. you don’t even bother to wait for him to enter, you just open the door and walk upstairs to your room. he enters and closes the door behind him, following you upstairs into your room he knows all so well. 

he approaches your room, he softly pushes the door open and finds you unpacking your things. you’re walking back and forth from your bag on your bed, to your closet, to your dresser, back to the bed. he takes a seat on your bean bag chair. he remembers when he helped you bring it home. the bag was so heavy you could barely drag it around. he carried it up the stairs for you and almost fell a couple times, a smile breaks out onto his face but it quickly fades, “what are you smiling about?” you ask bitterly. he looks up at you from his seat, he doesn’t say anything causing you to roll your eyes and continuing to put your things away. 

“are you just here to sit around? if so you can do that in your own home, i don’t wanna see you right now.” you say as you toss a sweater into you hamper. “if you didn’t want to see me why’d you let me in?” he asks, getting up from his seat and wrapping his arms around your waist from the back. you know this position all too well. anton knows it’s your weakness, in the past whenever you’ve felt sad or upset he would put you in this position. he’d hug you from behind, set his head on top of yours and sway you left and right, and it always worked. but not this time. 

you roughly push him off of you and you turn around to see him with his hands up like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. “what do you want chanyoung?” you ask. he sighs before responding, “i wanna talk… about us.” he says. you scoff, “how cliche. there’s not any talking we need to do, especially about us. you said enough in your little song saturday night.” you say with such anger that he winces a bit. as if he could feel each word you spoke like a dagger to his heart the way your own heart broke with each lyric he sang. “you weren’t supposed to hear that song… i didn’t invite you because-” you cut him off mid sentence. “because what anton? huh? you think it makes me feel better that you didn’t want me to hear about how you’re falling out of love with me? or the fact that you probably don’t even love me anymore? is that what you didn’t want me to hear?” your voice raised, veins starting to become prominent in your neck, and the redness beginning to creep its way across your cheeks. 

“it doesn’t fucking matter if i was there or not last night. you wrote the song regardless! whether or not i was there, you would’ve still felt that way. me being there only made it more real because you!” you stop halfway to catch your breath. you aren’t used to yelling this much so your voice has already begun to become hoarse. “because you had to live with the fact that you wrote a stupid fucking song about how you don’t love me anymore while i stood there like a dumbass listening to that song.” you spoke in a whisper. 

you were crying again, something you had become used to for the last few days. “you made me look so stupid. do you even know how i would’ve felt? especially if i didn’t show up and hear that song. i would’ve been walking around without a clue in the world that my boyfriend not only wrote a song about not loving me but also performed it to a room full of strangers. like i’m some naive, stupid, clueless little girl grasping onto the last bit of hope that this relationship wasn’t failing.” 

anton stands up and tries to reach for your hands but you reject his offer and hide them behind your back. “listen…” he starts. “i didn’t want to invite you because i didn’t know how to tell you how i felt.” he says and his explanation only makes you angrier. “so you decide to fucking write a song and perform to a bunch of fucking people are you kidding me?” you say, dumbfounded at his response as if it was supposed to justify any of this. “you think that makes me feel better?” you ask. 

“no, i didn’t mean it like that. i just-” he starts and stops, trying to collect his thoughts so he could properly tell you how he feels. he takes a deep sigh and starts over, “i didn’t know how to tell you, so i wrote a song. i didn’t plan on performing at all but the guys heard me singing it and thought we should perform it for the show. they don’t even know it was about you.” he says and some clarity has begun to find its way into your head. “it doesn’t matter anton. you still wrote the song, i would’ve rather you wrote a fucking diary entry than a song.” you’re still frustrated and it doesn’t seem like anton is getting it through his head. 

“i know how much you love music and making music, but turning this into a song before you could even tell me about hurts so much more.” you sit down on your bed, you’re starting to get lightheaded from the yelling and if you’re being honest, you’ve barely slept the last few days. “why couldn’t you have just told me?” you say looking up at him, tears still in your eyes. “you haven’t even told me how you really feel and then i have to learn about it through some song you decided to hide from me?”

anton joins you on your bed and finally is able to get ahold of your hands in his. “i’m so sorry that this is how everything turned out. i know i haven’t been the best boyfriend for a while now, i’ve been distant, and whenever we’re together it seems like my mind is somewhere else. i’ve lied to you, i’ve hidden things from, and you don’t deserve that…” anton says with a quiver in his voice. you can tell he’s fighting back tears but a part of you doesn’t feel any sympathy for him. “i’m sorry y/n, i truly am. but you deserve someone who can give you the love i can’t.” he says and your heart completely shatters. 

the small sliver of hope you had that you could patch up your relationship and work through this was now gone. he doesn’t love you anymore and you don’t even know how long he’s felt this way. you take your hands back, wiping your tears from your face, and stand up. you walk towards your bedroom door with a hand pointed outwards. “get out.” you simply say. 

“what?” anton says, confused. “i didn’t stutter. get. out.” you say firmly. anton begins to walk towards you and he begins to say something but you cut him off before he could even get a word out, “i don’t care what you have to say. just get out.” you say without even looking at him. anton’s heart is aching; seeing you like this hurt him and knowing it was because of him only hurt him more. he walked with his head low out of your home. teeny barking at him as he left almost as if she understood what happened and she was also giving him a piece of her mind. 

you could hear the front door shut behind anton. you quickly run downstairs to lock it and watch him leave through the peep hole. he was slowly leaving your home, walking away from you, and your relationship. a part of you wants to open the door and run into his arms but he’s let you walk away way too many times without coming after you that you decide against it. fighting back the urge to want to fix this because it’s not yours to fix, because you weren’t the one who broke it. no matter how many times you walked away, anton never followed you. nor did he understand that you weren’t walking away, you were being pushed away, by him. 

you slid down the front door and broke down into tears again. thinking about how just a few weeks ago everything seemed so normal, but you guess anton was better at hiding his feelings then than he was now. teeny walks towards you, nudging your arm with her hand, gesturing to give you a hug. you open your arms and she snuggles into your arms, “just me and you, teeny.” you say while standing up to go to your bed. 

you spend the next hour talking to ningning on the phone, catching her up on what happened. she again, threatens to beat anton up, and as much as you want to; you reject her offers. you’re sleepless that night, going from crying every couple hours, to pondering about where things went wrong. could it have been your fault? were you not loving enough? were you not deserving to be loved? 

you asked yourself endless questions until you fell asleep. the sounds of your choked up tears and sadness filling your room. the sounds of your own crying lulling you to sleep, almost like it was the melody of a broken heart. 

copyright 2024 - present © jjhyn all rights reserved

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

[copperbadge]

(This is a little heavy, but I wanted to apologise.) To be honest, the kinning ask was partly due to expecting you to know something about it, since you seem pretty well informed about fandom history and lore.

...But some of it was also spur of the moment upset, I'm afraid. I've repeatedly asked people on my fanart posts not to tag the characters as kin, and a lot of times they don't respect that. It's deeply anxiety inducing to see things tagged as something that I knew many neurodivergent kids/teens who tried to hurt themselves to get "back" to where they believed they came from, and seeing it bandied around so much ended up with me wanting input from a internet guy who's known to be more chill and objective.

Which isn't your responsibility, or something you could have read intothat short ask before. It's alright whether or not you decide to publish this ask, I just wanted to be clear and say sorry about the weirdness.

(Link to initial ask here, for the curious.)

You know, this is really interesting, and I feel a bit weird saying that in response to an apology, but I'd like to dig into this a little! And up front, I’m sorry you’re going through that -- Tumblrites are not always known for reading or adhering to the fine print even when the fine print is...huge. It sucks that people aren’t respecting your pretty reasonable request. 

A lot of times, when I get an apology like this, I will say "Hey no need to apologize" or similar, and honestly I wasn't expecting or in need of an apology from you. But I do appreciate that you are saying you had a kind of knee-jerk reaction to something external to the two of us and came to me about it, and that maybe that wasn't entirely appropriate. So in this case I want to say apology accepted. I don't want you to feel bad, but I want to accept the apology rather than say it wasn’t necessary, because I think it validates good behavior in you. This was a good ask for you to send and I know it can’t have been easy either. So you can absolutely stop reading here if you want to, knowing that I think you did a good job and I’m not mad in any way. 

But I do want to discuss it more, because it's actually incredibly common for me as an experience. 

I was aware -- which is why I took the stance of inquiry that I did -- that when you sent that ask you were very likely responding to something I couldn't see. I was a little wary, because one never knows when one is about to be sucked into some fight through sheer lack of context, but I didn't see the harm in responding honestly; if you were in earnest you'd get to hear my thoughts, and if you were being disingenuous I wasn't giving you much to get your hooks into. And hey presto, you were in earnest! 

If you had said "I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the term kinning, because XYZ" you would not even need an apology, that's a legit thing to want to ask someone when you know they'll have an interesting perspective. I think the minor struggle for both you and myself is that you made a statement of a stance, rather than asking a question. But again, I am not here to make you feel bad, I'm pointing it out because it's something a lot of people do. Not even to me -- just in the world in general.

But yes also to me sometimes.

Because I have a large readership, and because I have a reputation for thoughtful response, I get this kind of interaction with relative frequency. Many are perfectly fine, healthy things to say to someone with an open inbox, and that one wasn’t especially unhealthy. But sometimes, also, people who are caught in toxic habits will see my blog and without even realizing they’re doing it will try to use me, and by extension the readership, in unhealthy ways. Usually that’s pretty visible and I’m able to head it off, because people in that much pain aren’t subtle, but I also can’t always fix the problem, and sometimes the best I can do is silence.   

One of the reasons I stopped offering hugs to individual people and instead do the hug-for-all every Saturday is that I was beginning to get a lot of people who were using me -- using my platform to trauma-dump to a large audience, which can be emotionally gratifying but which is not behavior to encourage. It's not a healthy way to deal with pain, and it's not an appropriate way to interact with others; it doesn’t help the person in pain and it tends to isolate them because people pull away from constantly being subjected to a stranger’s suffering, especially if there’s nothing reciprocated.   

And to your credit you didn't roll up on me and just drop this pallet of understandable pain that you're feeling on my head. You wanted to hear my thoughts, which of course is gratifying to me, but also speaks to an urge in you to try and reconcile that pain, to figure out how to process it. And in opening up more about why you brought it to me, you’re now giving me context rather than, say, just yelling about people or yelling at me because I didn’t fully understand.

Ultimately, I think the message I want to convey at large is that if you (the generic, population-of-tumblr you) are in pain or sad or need help understanding something that’s causing distress, reaching out is absolutely the right thing to do. But we need to remember when we reach out that we are not asking a vending machine for a band-aid, we’re asking a whole person for their compassion, and that is not something we have a right to demand on terms we set. The easing of pain is a relationship, even if it’s only a temporary one, and a relationship is reciprocal. 

And you, Anon, personally, shouldn’t beat yourself up for not quiiiiiite getting there with the first ask -- you got a lot closer than a lot of people would. If I can put my Dad Hat on for a second, you’ve got good sound instincts, kiddo. Trust ‘em. 

[crystalelemental]

Pokemon Team Analysis - Geeta

Alright, time for something that’s stupid and ill-advised.  I’m gonna talk about Geeta’s team.  Because general consensus is “It’s a bad fight,” and while I don’t disagree, I think that, like usual, it’s kind of just a blanket statement of “Too easy” rather than something discussed and dissected as to why it’s not working.

Also I think there are legitimately great aspects of her team that deserve some recognition as fairly solid game design for a challenge, that maybe people miss because overleveling is basically the norm.

I’ll start with the big thing: “Geeta should’ve led with Glimmora” is a bad take.  “But the Toxic Spikes!”  Are borderline irrelevant.  Players have no significant issues getting around them.  And to make matters substantially worse.  Glimmora is setup fodder.  It’s slow.  While it’s strong statistically, it’s weak with offensive types (Rock and Poison is a bad combo).  It would be exactly like Cynthia’s fight: super weak to setup.  Seriously, if you replay Platinum, try a Calm Mind sweeper with decent speed, and see how much of her team just drops.  Cynthia’s fight is not especially challenging when you can set up, it’s why they locked the boosting TMs to Battle Frontier in post-game.  To prevent you from doing that.

In the situation where Geeta leads Glimmora, Geeta is now significantly easier to beat.  Because Glimmora cannot threaten a good booster.  But you know what threatens a good booster?  Opportunist Espathra.

This is my favorite aspect of her fight.  Espathra is a fantastic lead for the game.  Because this isn’t competitive, it’s main game, where the AI won’t switch ever.  Where the goal of the AI now is to stop your tactics from just running train on them.  Opportunist copies your boosts, which means anything short of Swords Dance benefits her as well, and Espathra is notably fast.  And, most significantly, has Lumina Crash.  Anything not Dark-type gets hit with -2 special defense.  So if you’re boosting but you’re slower, you are guaranteed to be dead.  That’s...actually a good lead.  That’s a smart tactic for the main game.  It’s very Emerald-esque.  In Emerald, where boosting moves started to take off, nearly every major fight has something in their lead slot that can obliterate yours, be it paralysis, accuracy drops, Perish Song, or outright Toxic in Steven’s cast.  Espathra feels reminiscent of that, and is, in fact, a pretty strong lead because of it.  I just think maybe they could’ve done more than Reflect to bypass Sucker Punch strats, you know?  Like maybe ditch Quick Attack for Hypnosis or Confuse Ray.  Otherwise, great pick.

Glimmora’s the other I like, but more for thematic reasons.  I think it’s really interesting how much conversation has been generated around the simple fact that Geeta even has this thing.  For the story, I think it’s a great inclusion as her ace...I just also think Glimmora should’ve had a better speed stat, or Tera shifted into a completely different type.  Personally, I’d say Grass, because you know what blows up four of Grass-types weaknesses?  Rock.  Though admittedly, I think Glimmora needs to go Fire.  It’s got a solid defensive profile, and notably means Tera Blast can cut through Steel that otherwise hard walls its STAB combo.  I think the big problem is that it’s just a bit too slow to ever be threatening with its offenses, but its typing, including Tera, is just too defensively poor.  Poison would’ve been more valuable as a Tera type, with only two weaknesses, than Rock with like five.

The other aspect I do like is that Geeta’s team is representative of the region.  Espathra from the west, Gogoat from the east, Veluza from the lake, Avalugg from the mountain, Kingambit from the north, and Glimmora from the crater.  It’s a cool idea!  But also, when you know that?  You can...probably build a better team yourself.  And you may also notice, Geeta has a battle focus.  She’s bulky offense.  All of these options, barring Espathra, are fairly slow but also reasonably bulky.

AND BULK DOESN’T WORK

The player has natural advantage, thanks to EVs, and Pokemon is a game that works entirely on hitting each other with supereffective hits.  As coverage has expanded to insane degrees, virtually every offensive threat packs ideal coverage.  It is not had to clean sweep someone with one Pokemon when you have four fantastic coverage moves and a solid offense and speed stat.  Because of this, bulky offense cannot work in favor of the AI, which doesn’t switch out to avoid supereffective hits or leverage resistances.  Moreover, it especially doesn’t work when your heavy defenders are (1) Grass type, (2) Ice type, and (3) quad-weak to Fighting, one of the most common coverage options.

Geeta’s team is poorly balanced for the type of playstyle she’s trying to run, and we’re going to talk about better options from around the region to keep that focus, while also playing a lot better.

Espathra stays.  It’s a good lead.  I also keep Glimmora.  It’s a very cool ace.

From the east, instead of Gogoat, I would recommend Cyclizar.  How is this not considered an integral aspect of the region?  Cyclizar is such a hugely important thing.  Also, for bulky offense, the substitute is ideal.  While you could argue the idea of leading with Cyclizar, and I don’t strictly disagree, I think you’d want to program the AI to cheat a little.  If the foe boosts, switch to Espathra.  If they attack, switch to a resist.  It’s a pretty clean solution.

The lake is the most obvious solution.  Dondozo.  Curse setup, Liquidation, Earthquake, Avalanche.  Dondozo fits perfectly in bulky offense, but unlike Avalugg and Gogoat, Dondozo is blessed with a wonderful defensive typing in Water.  Dondozo would be perfect.

For the mountain, I’m going to say all of them are bad.  Most of what could fit is already a staple on someone else’s team, and I assume they were avoiding a lot of overlap.  So instead?  Gholdengo.  We need to talk about this: how in god’s name does she not have Gholdengo?  I don’t even like the thing, but a bulky offensive Pokemon with fantastic defensive typing and absurd offensive capabilities, backed by potential for either Nasty Plot or Recover?  That feels like the most obvious pick.  I feel like this has to happen.

Which means dropping Kingambit.  I don’t dislike Kingambit specifically, but I also feel like it’s pretty easy to take advantage of, especially when she doesn’t let it learn Sucker Punch.  It’s just so slow as to be laughable, and its typing isn’t super weakness-laden, but it’s not as powerful as Gholdengo’s.  If you wanted to keep Kingambit, then I’d probably say take Drifblim as the mountain Pokemon.  Make it more utility-focused, maybe taking Tailwind or something to buff the speed of Glimmora or something.  But instead, I’d say give her Lurantis with Contrary.  It has Leech Life, an ideal recovery tool.  Also give it Close Combat, since you think it’s so funny to take away Superpower as like the only useful thing it could have.  Bastards.

I think these shifts would largely improve on what she’s got going on.  But also, I think it doesn’t matter.  Again, bulky offense on AI doesn’t strictly work.  Especially without items.  It’s probably worth noting that the easiest BDSP fight, despite how hard that game cheats, is Bertha.  Because it is not hard to beat bulky offense.  I just...think a major problem is that Geeta’s approach effectively stands no chance of being particularly tough for a player.  Especially not in the era of forced EXP All and infinite coverage.  It’s just...not going to be difficult to stop her.  At all.  And I think we have to acknowledge that, with the way Pokemon is...that’s going to be the case forever.  They literally cannot design a challenging fight.  The system doesn’t allow it.  The reason older games felt harder is because it was super hard to keep on pace with the opponent’s level, so you were statistically under-prepared.  There’s a reason the only modern game to be considered difficult was Gen 7, which comprised entirely garbage mechanics to massively inflate enemy stats and force stupid 1v2 matchups.  It’s because they can’t design a fair fight that’s fun.  Because your solution is to just set levels way higher, and when you do that, the only solution is grinding, but they’ve spent four generations changing the gameplay flow to no longer require grinding, so they’re out of options.  At this point, only a major overhaul to the battle system would be successful.  And I’m...not sure they’ll know what to do with it.

[boba-beom]

DING DING DING! congrats! you are correct!

it's one way for me to socialize with you guys because of

(1) how fast you guys are speaking in discord (ngl i kinda feel left out a lot of times) especially with me waking up to find 200-1000 comments that i have to mute the group chat worrying about my phone battery

(2) how i live on the other side of the world so i can't to you guys as much without losing sleep.

other than that, i hope you learn more about me.

also, me only using youtube and tumblr as my social media platforms is because of the bad relationship i had with others social media platforms. i don't use tiktok at all because of the oversaturation and seeing people around me obsessing about tiktok challenges that it turns me off from joining. i also quit instagram because i use to compare myself with others, even with my friend circle. i also have other social medias like snapchat, facebook, and others i couldn't think about but deleted it because i don't use them anymore, while i used to be active on kpop stan twt before the toxicity comes to me but i still own it because it relates to the monthly minecraft event that i watched lmao. so i delete social media to detox myself and delete myself form the internet as best as i could so that people could only find me based on my internet persona.

i am back on instagram but purely so that i could open a portfolio page for the gfx designs i made for my hellsite fics and others...

do you have any leftover questions you want me to answer???

p.s. hope you're having fun with the cloudbusting fic you're planning. ngl i didn't think you'll be doing it for real hehe

-🐝

WHOOP I knew my inkling was right! it wouldn't leave me :>

I understand and I'm sorry about that :< I know the group chat blows up so much and time zones are difficult but we do love having you there when you come on! <3

I have definitely learnt a lot about you , considering we have a google spread with all the hits you gave us collectively hehe I get where you're coming from in terms of social media and I think if that's what helps and is better for you then it that's good, you know? I had a social media detox at one point too with only tumblr being my only social but I've been alright everywhere, I just usually dip after I go on it. sometimes social media isn't for everything so I understand!

no question actually, but I just wanna say that you answering your own anon ask threw me off because that was the only thing that held me back from not suspecting you hehe it was fun nonetheless!

I just can't believe that I was super late to catch on that bee is in beabadoobee T^T things came to pretty late because I was busy with family, friends and packing the past week but literally the other night I managed to give myself time to search, link and piece together these things :> it was fun honestly, really pieced these things at 2AM hehe

OMG so I watched palm springs and it's interesting, I just don't know if I would make a long fic based on the movie, a short scenario from the movie (like when the song comes on, but idk how I would write about that without writing a long fic) or I'll just listen to the song and figure out what scenario to write about, but from listening to it a few times it does sound dreamy. still just gonna think of a scenario :> I'll figure it out ^^

thanks again lissie it was fun getting to interact with you this way! just know that you're very much loved in the gc! and in general, you're amazing and so are your works, it's an acquired taste <3

[unknownzapy]

Heya I'm new here and I'm very nervous but I really like your writing and I'm hoping I'm not bothering but,,,

If you don't mind, could you give me a matchup with yandere fnf, creepypasta, or eddsworld? Any gender is alright,,,

I'm a 5"8 enby and chubby with dyed pink hair, an infj, libra, and LOVE anything valentines related or pink (not to mention I often collect plushies). I'm into a lot of stuff like tabletop rpgs, theme park rides/history, and horror related things. My favorite artists at the moment are Mitski, Lemon Demon, and Tally Hall! I'm also a theatre kid, so I tend to listen to and sing songs from musicals I enjoy. I don't sing often, mostly for myself.

I draw almost constantly as an outlet and listen to music a lot, and I try to be as kind to others as I can even if they're not kind to me. I'm more often than not the mom friend despite how sensitive I tend to be, and I tend to be a really big people pleaser due to stuff I've been through in the past. I have a difficult time saying no or asking for help, making it unfortunately easy to walk all over me.

Hope this isn't too confusing or convoluted to read, have a nice day/afternoon/night!!! ^-^

Author’s Note: Of course you’re not bothering me! And don’t worry, you wrote all this wonderfully✨. I hope Its all right that I did one fandom, new friend 👍🏼.

For Friday Night Funkin, Your Yandere Matchup Is…Servente!

I believe Sarvente would be a Possessive, Manipulative, Overprotective, Mildly Delusional and Mildly Controlling Yandere.

Sarvente is her usual self, just 100 times worse. She absolutely adores how you enjoy Valentines and Pink Themed items, especially with your plushies and finds it cute and innocent; which makes her quite protective of you that it becomes overbearing, specifically towards anyone she deems “unholy.” Which also brings us to her being mildly delusional, convinced that not everyone is exactly good nor evil, so she has to have a reason for being with you. Sarvente knows this is wrong, but she’s doing this for your safety.

Her Overprotectiveness stems from wanting to get people into a better place, which, in this case, is a corruption of that. Sarvente insists on going out with you whenever you go out or, at the very least, give her a text or a call every once in a while or else she’ll come to you instead. Trust me when I say Sarvente is coming from good intentions, just overbearing, as I said before.

This leads to her being Mildly Controlling, if you fail to give her a call/text to know where you are, who you’re hanging out with, etc. that it even makes Ruv worried. However, as far as he is concerned, Ruv won’t interject on what’s happening, knowing that if he broke The Vow, both he and Sarv would die. Additionally, he has a hunch that if he does shove himself in between whatever relationship you have with her, he’ll probably have severe consequences from Sarv.

Anyways, Sarvente can and will push you to hang out with her more, positive toxicity if you will. Should you refuse, however, She’ll remove any potential competition from the picture, including family, friends, and as far as to remove pets/animals from your life, if any at all. Don’t think that she enjoys this as this leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, leaving her to kidnap you and keep you close instead, slowly deluding herself that you two are match made in Heaven, ironically speaking.

Sarvente absolutely adores how short you are compared to her, which is 7 feet and 5 inches by the way, but in a way that’s affectionally teasing. But since I see that it’s hard to say “No” for you, she probably doesn’t see that you’re uncomfortable with anything until it’s already too late, immediately wanting to apologize or make it up to you in some way, shape, or form. On the flip slide, she’s more than willing to come to your defense whenever someone bullies you in some way, even if you can’t say “No” as easily as others.

She doesn’t mind you singing or drawing somewhere in the Church, she finds it quite Lovely! She encourages you to sing more openly, so of course she always asks if she could sing with you to help you with that. If not, Sarv would respect your wishes and leave it at that. If you do allow her to, then she’s beyond thrilled! Sarv usually takes the lead or sings for you, in case you don’t feel like singing, or generally just hangs out with you, even though your tastes are quite different from here, but accepting all the same.

Speaking of acceptance, Sarv doesn’t mind you being Enby and Chubby, claiming that she loves you either way. However, as old as she is, Sarv slips up from time to time on your pronouns, but quickly uses your proper pronouns to not make you upset. This also includes making you feel loved for your body, especially when someone makes a negative comment about it.

Sarvente, as a whole, wants the absolute best for you, even though it includes pushing things to its edge and limit, including you, unintentionally speaking. If you’re careful with stepping on these eggshells, then you’re going to have a grand time with holding two sides of life.

[altosys]

alright. fdc is dogshit and it's about time someone said it. (tw: ableism, grooming)

To introduce myself, hi, I'm Electra, frequent fronter in the Alto System. I split off of the former host, Ice, and thus used to be "part of him" (i guess?) and as a result have direct experience with with the FDC community.

So... my experience with FDC. (For anyone who doesn't know, I'll give a brief summary: FDC, short for "fake disorder cringe", is a phenomenon where people repost someone's disability-related content and claim that the person in the video is "faking" whatever disorder they say they have - usually plurality, autism, tics, and BPD.)

Back in 2021, I was going through a mental health crisis as well as frequent psychotic episodes. Assuming I had some form of schizophrenia (since that's the closest I could think of), I started to panic about if anything was real, if I should be locked up somewhere, if medication would numb everything, and so on. Eventually I found a video from a schizophrenia awareness channel, and from there I found their Discord server.

Now, mind you, I didn't have therapy at the time. So this place was the best I got.

I eventually met someone on there (who went by 'Poof' - if she sees this I hope she cries herself to sleep knowing I realized I actually have DID), and she seemed really nice. She knew the ropes of the place, hell, she even got me a place in the high rankings since she told her boyfriend (who was the admin) about me and so everyone knew I was "one of them".

I eventually used the vent channel one day to talk about some suicidal ideations I was having. No plans mentioned, nothing. Just that I felt incredibly inferior. And also that I wanted to go to therapy and be on medication to manage my debilitating, life-threatening anxiety (turns out I had several anxiety disorders, general anxiety and panic disorder).

To which Poof, and two of her friends try to convince me that "medication bad, it never works for anyone" and "we'd know since we're professionally diagnosed with schizophrenia". So, realizing that I could never be one of them unless I had their exact struggles, I lashed out and said "maybe if I actually had schizophrenia y'all would listen to me." Now obviously this sounded bad. Very very bad. Especially out of context.

Poof betrayed me, but she was the only friend I had. And mind you, this was the very first time I'd ever felt so conflicted (insert a picture book called "baby's first BPD split" /lh).

Eventually, I left the server, knowing I wasn't welcome there anymore. I felt outcasted, betrayed, and so heartbroken.

I went back to what she got me into, and all of the FDC mindsets, as well as the time she told me that she bullied someone off of the server because they self-diagnosed with Bipolar, but didn't know the difference between Bipolar (abbreviated as BD) and BPD (to which she called people with BPD "toxic"). And I realized how fucked-up it was. I realized that she straight-up gaslighted me into seeing anyone with mental illnesses other than schizophrenia or autism as toxic and most likely faking.

And then I realized.

She wasn't just your typical FDC asshole, she was a straight-up groomer. (I know introjects aren't their source, but if I had a nickel for every time I said something about someone grooming me in hopes that it gets a whole community banned from the internet, I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice)

I'm not sure if I want to get into detail at the moment, but basically: she'd tell me about stuff she didn't want anyone else on the server knowing (her love life, where she lived, etc.), despite the server having a "no NSFW" rule her and her boyfriend (one of the admins) were fine with a borderline-ERP going on between two of the server members in the general chat, and in hindsight I wish I'd left earlier. Among other things, as well as my main point of *literally grooming me into being an FDC supporter.*

So, *sighing*, from June to November 2021- wait a second hold on here, I'm starting to sound like my source. Speaking of being an introject, the very moment someone claimed to have an introject in their system, Poof would be like "nope. faking." Especially with popular media (My Hero Academia, Hazbin Hotel, DSMP, etc.) and with factives.

Then again I realize how ableist she actually was: Thought people with BPD were toxic, claimed to be a "narc abuse" survivor, absolutely against the very thought of self-diagnosis, constantly played the Trauma Olympics:tm: to prove she was right about anything and everything psychiatry-related, would fakeclaim someone the moment they were both queer + neurodivergent (despite being pansexual and having 6 diagnosed mental disorders herself), laughed at "weird" things needing to be TW'd (eg. caps lock)

As for my "am I schizophrenic" crisis, turns out I had Fantasy-Prone Personality (the main reason I suspected being schizophrenic), a bunch of dissociation-related neurodiversities (DPDR + DID) (explaining why things didn't feel real at times), General Anxiety (which caused my panic in the first place), and being somewhere on the schizophrenia spectrum (someplace vv close to Schizotypal) though not for the reasons I thought. So yeah.

Last note about FDC, they've started fakeclaiming and laughing at RAMCOA survivors. Jesus fucking christ, what's happened to this already-trainwreck-of-a-site? Someone reposted a tumblr post of someone saying "we should get rid of FDC because of how it's especially ableist towards RAMCOA survivors" and the FDC poster added the caption "guess someone's pissed". Like, no shit?

Anyways yeah. Fuck FDC, fuck groomers, and if anyone has any shit experiences with FDC they'd like to add you're more than welcome to put them here. <3

Stay safe, y'all. -Electra ⚡

[another-tmnt-writer]

Get Home Safe

Leonardo x Reader

Author: Admin Mo

AU: College

Summary: After a messy breakup, your ex isn’t over you. But when he starts acting weird, Leo will stop at nothing to make sure you get home safe.

Note: Hey besties, so this is actually something I’m experiencing right now. It is…not fun, to say the least. And when this happened initially, I just kept thinking [fictional character] wouldn’t treat me this way. If your ex (or anyone, really) starts acting creepy, don’t hesitate to get help before it gets worse. I’m so lucky to have people in my life looking out for me to make sure I’m alright.

Also, the reader is a film major in this (again, sorry I’m a film major I can’t help it lol) and this is very loosely connected to the Raph college au I wrote a while back. Basically, the turtles took Chief Vincent’s deal and are now attending a human college.

Warnings: Slight stalking, icky ex-boyfriend, swearing

Word Count: 2.0k

Reader Is: Gender Neutral :)

It was a seemingly normal day in your film class. Today was an equipment day, which meant your class was setting everything up to see how it worked and get comfortable with the equipment. They were always pretty fun, chill days, and today, you were determined to learn to set up the sound stuff.

“Leonardo, you’re assistant directing today, alright? Run the show, make sure everything gets set up on time.” Your professor instructed.

“On it.” Leo nodded. He was sitting a few rows behind you. He was one of four giant mutant turtles that went to your college. At first, it had been kind of a shock that they even existed at all, but you’d talked to him a bit, as well as his brother, Mikey, who had considered being a film major briefly before switching to being an art student, focusing on painting. You thought it was kind of ironic, given that his namesake painted the Sistine Chapel, but from what you’d seen, his art was really solid.

“Production Designers…get the set designed and then help out some of the others, alright? We’re going for a diner look. Do with that what you will.”

You looked at the other Production Designer in the class, a girl named Jenny, and you both nodded. Well, there was another Production Designer, but you weren’t exactly on speaking terms with him. To make a long story short, he was your ex-boyfriend and he was toxic as hell. You’d broken up about a month before, but he was still furious about it, which made any time you had to interact with him awful and terribly awkward. Luckily, he pretty much stayed out of your way.

Once you all had your orders, you all split and went in your different directions. You and Jenny walked over to the portion of the classroom that served as your fake set. Behind the fake wall, there was various props and furniture, so the two of you dragged a pair of booths and a table onto the set before setting the table with some plates, glasses, and fake food. Of course, your ex, Coleman, did nothing, as usual. Just stood off in the corner, staring at you.

“He gives me the creeps.” Jenny said under her breath. “He really just needs to get over it.”

“Tell me about it.” You said, chuckling and shaking your head. You looked over the finished set. It was simple, sure, but you didn’t have a lot to work with, nor did you have that much to do. Meanwhile, everyone else was getting the other equipment, which usually took longer, set up.

“Do we have anyone on sound?” You heard your professor ask Leo, who looked around the room, his eyes settling in your general direction.

“Production Design, you guys done?” Leo asked.

You gave a thumbs-up. “All set over here.”

He jabbed a giant green thumb behind him at the sound cases. “Wanna work sound?”

“Yeah absolutely.” You nodded, eager to get some hands-on experience, given that you barely knew what you were doing when it came to the technical aspect of your major. You much preferred the artsy side of things, like writing and production design.

When Coleman saw Leo interacting with you and Jenny, he walked over. You and Jenny started taking the sound equipment out to put together and Coleman just…hovered behind you awkwardly, watching. Brooding with this awful, seeping negativity.

“I, uh, think we only need two people on sound.” Leo interjected politely, looking at Coleman. “One for the recorder and one for the boom. Could you go downstairs to check out an AC kit? It looks like they forgot to send it up with the rest of the stuff.”

Coleman grunted softly and then nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He said, storming out of the classroom to go get it.

You looked up at Leo, grateful, and mouthed, “Thank you.”

He nodded, genuine. He didn’t know exactly what had happened between the two of you, but he could tell it was probably best to keep you and Coleman apart, even if it meant sending him on meaningless tasks to get him out of the room.

By the time Coleman got back, you already had the sound equipment set up and you were holding the boom pole. You walked over towards the set where, slowly, everything was coming together. Two of your classmates started pushing the monitor, a giant flatscreen TV, over towards the set. Leo stepped in and used that enhanced strength of his to give them a boost and get things moving, and you had to admit, watching him…it was kinda hot. He was kinda hot.

The actors got in their places and you hoisted the boom pole onto your shoulders, positioning it just so while Jenny checked the levels on the recorder on her hip. And yet, Coleman still found a way to creep on you, peeking around the monitor with the intent purpose of staring straight at you. You caught him in your peripheral, but ignored him, doing your job like you were supposed to.

“You good?” You jolted at the sudden noise behind the curtain at the edge of the room, just outside of the set. You looked up to find Leo there. How he’d snuck behind there so silently, you weren’t sure, and then you remembered that although he was well over six feet tall and muscular, he was also a ninja. He was accustomed to moving in the shadows.

“Yeah, I’m good.” You whispered, nodding. “He keeps staring at me…”

“I saw. Do you want me to talk to professor?”

You thought about it for a moment, but shook your head. “I think I’m okay. Thank you so much, Leo.”

“Yeah, of course. Let me know if that changes, alright?” There was concern in his blue, blue eyes, and for a moment, you remembered just what he’d been through, how many women he’d saved from muggers on the street. And the way he looked at you…he was afraid you’d end up in a similar situation.

So were you, if you were honest.

“I will.”

***

Once you were done with the scene, and finished with class for the day, you packed up your stuff and started walking out of the room. You caught Coleman out of the corner of your eye, all packed up but not leaving yet, but you didn’t think anything of it. You always went that way. You always walked alone. It was afternoon when your class got out, so you were confident nothing would happen to you in broad daylight.

You were about halfway down the stairs when Coleman caught up to you.

“Hey, could we talk for like thirty seconds?” He asked, his voice tense, edging on anger. Something seized in you at the sound of his voice.

“About what?”

“I saw your passive aggressive tweet. The one about getting so much done on your Thursday nights now. I get it, alright? We’re broken up and we don’t have our little movie nights anymore. I hope you’re fucking happy.”

Your heart raced. “Wha—"

“And I hope you can get your money back for that stupid concert ticket. Or better yet, burn it. I didn’t want to go with you anyway, you stupid—”

“HEY!” Leo walked down the stairs. “Leave (Y/N) alone, Coleman.”

Coleman looked up, up, up at the turtle standing in front of him, stopped in his tracks for a moment. He faltered before muttering a “yeah, whatever,” and walking out the front doors of the building.

You took a deep breath, letting it roll out of you slowly before looking up at your hero. “Thank you, Leo. I…I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t show up.”

“Anytime. What’s his deal?”

“He’s an asshole. I was his first [partner]. He’s obsessed with me now and…and I guess he has to take the breakup out on me because he can’t take it out on himself.” You shuddered. “It’s kind of the worst.”

“Sounds like it. Well, where are you headed? Do you want someone to walk with you?”

“Please.” You nodded, eager to spend some time not alone just in case Coleman decided to try anything. “I was actually just headed to the Eastman building to get a chai.”

“Oh perfect. My brothers and I actually have lunch there between classes, if you want to sit with us until you calm down.”

“That would be awesome. Thank you, Leo.”

He smiled. “Yeah, of course.”

With Leo by your side, the walk to the Eastman building wasn’t as tense or scary as it would have been if you had gone alone, constantly worried Coleman would be around any corner you turned. Instead, you had a nice walk over, chatting about your other classes.

While you ordered your drink, Leo waited with you, and then he escorted you into the dining hall, easily finding where his other brothers were sitting.

“Guys, this is (Y/N). They’re going to be sitting with us today, if that’s alright.”

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Mikey greeted, excited. “How have you been? It’s been a while.”

“I’m doing good, dude. I miss you in film class. How’s the art thing going?”

“Aww, I miss you too, dude! It’s been going pretty good! Some of my profs are super chill, but some are like…really uptight. Like it’s art! It’s supposed to be creative.”

“You know, Mikey, sometimes with disciplines like painting, it’s important to learn the rules before you’re allowed to break them.” The brother in purple pointed out. “I’m Donatello, by the way. This is Raph.”

“Nice to meet ya.”

Leo looked awkwardly between you and his brothers. “Will you be alright here if I go grab some lunch real quick?”

“I’ll be fine, Leo. Thank you.” You told him, giving him a nod of your blessing before he went on his way to grab his lunch.

“What’s that about?” Mikey asked, a little concerned. He knew his brother and he knew the look he gave you. “Did something happen?”

“Yeah, my…ex followed me after class and harassed me over some tweet. It wasn’t even about him, it was just about how I finished my thesis last Thursday. He’s just…really toxic and bitter about the breakup.”

“Congratulations on the thesis! Sucks about your ex, though.” Mikey said, giving a look of understanding.

“Thank you.”

“Want me to teach him a lesson?” Raph asked, raising an eyebrow.

You laughed. “If he pulls something like that again? Be my guest.”

“You know, if he does continue this behavior…you might be able to get a restraining order against him.” Donatello advised, pushing up his glasses. “I would also email your professor and let him know what happened.”

“I was planning on it, yeah. But I’ll definitely look into the restraining order thing. Thank you.”

Leo came back at record speed, settling into the empty seat beside you. You sipped on your chai and chatted with the boys for a while before they all had to split off to go to their next classes. You were done for the day, so you had to take the bus back.

“I’ll walk you to the bus.” Leo offered.

“But your class—”

“I’m sure Professor Laird will understand if I’m a few minutes late.” Leo shrugged.

“Thank you, Leo. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course.” He nodded. “I just…I want to make sure you’re safe.”

Luckily, the bus stop was just outside the building, and you didn’t have to wait long for your bus to pull in. Without thinking twice about it, you hugged Leo and, after a moment of hesitation, he hugged you back. You felt so safe in his arms, even after what had happened earlier.

“Let me know when you get home safe, alright?” Leo said, his voice soft and genuine. “And lock your door.”

“I always do.”

“Good.” Leo nodded.

You pulled out of the hug. “See you Thursday.”

“See you Thursday.”

Part 2?

[myunghology]

Hi, I'm just wondering because you do headcanons could you please maybe do Diluc, Xiao and Thoma with an s/o who has a fear of commitment? I think that'd be really interesting and I'd love to see what you'd do with it if you want.

Your writing is amazing, & have a good rest of your day/night !! Thanks in advance if you do it !!

diluc, xiao and thoma with a s/o that has a fear of commitment!

a/n : I'M GONNA CRY UR SO NICE do not play w me alr.. my class is starting soon so i apologize if this is short, i had to google what commitment is for this.. gn! reader.

requests : opened!

now diluc is a person im sure you could trust, and would never want to hurt you, he understands that you have trouble especially if it's something from the past that you can't get your mind out of.

very protective of you! not to the point where he's possessive though, he just wants you to trust him with your life, as your boyfriend.

would listen to every word you say as he's doing something, no matter what it is im sure he'd listen to you.

he feels guilty for you because of your past relationships, friendships or even family problems, he's willing to give his full attention.

he's just a really nice person in general and wants you to feel safe, you could ask him if you wanted to talk about problems while hugging him and he'd gladly accept your offer.

even if he's working, he'll always find a way to make time for you. rubbing circles on your back now and then everytime you remember something toxic.

"it's fine, i surely do not mind, i want you to feel comfortable around me always, i may be busy, but i'll always listen to you whenever you need me."

now thoma, he's slightly confused about it but is actually understanding, you may feel like he doesn't have time for you because of serving for ayato, but the truth is, he's doing his best so he can see you sooner.

he is worried about you, but always asks for advice from ayato or ayaka, they just told him that he needed to give you more space to open up to him with a smile.

he cooks for you as well, takes care of you amazingly, he sometimes wonders if he's doing too much. but it's worth it he says, to see a nice smile on your face and to see if he's got your trust already.

you two go on walks in inazuma to relieve anything negative that's on your mind, sitting below a tree with cats around you both, thoma knitting sweaters for the cats while you feed them while smiling.

the sound of knitting filled your ears as you looked at your boyfriend, "are you alright now? i hope you are. you could always talk to me about anything." he said with a smile, you nodded your head. you swore you could see the kamisato siblings behind a tree.

now xiao.. he doesn't understand in the nicest way possible im sorry LMFAO, but he tries his best as well.

going to his trusty old morax for advice just like how thoma did, zhongli asked him to sit down and enjoy some tea with him while he explains.

xiao asked a lot of questions about it, which made zhongli happy. he wasn't usually like this, well, for a mere mortal,

also very busy, probably the bussiest out of all of them, he usually comes back late, but makes it up with ordering your favorite food.

everytime you ask to talk about your problems, he looks like he's annoyed but he actually doesn't mind, he's actually quite happy.

listens to every single bit of it, staring at you maybe too hard. also very protective of you, everywhere you go your hands are always locked together.

"well, i don't really get this mortal thing, but i'd like to help you somehow. for everything you'd for me." he murmured under his breath.

[keimisan]

Dating bonten! Mikey

pairing: bonten!mikey x reader (self-insert)

warning(s): violence, toxic relationship, mikey is emotionally unstable.

headcanons

requested

Mikey is mentally numb and an outright murderer in bonten era. So dating him wasn’t really akin to a healthy relationship. But you knew what you were getting into when you decided to give him a chance.

He has no financial boundaries and would gift you anything you’d lay eyes on. Occasionally he’d get you gold or diamond delicacies like he was giving out candies.

He smiles rarely, and always has a permanent darkness under his eyes. But when he’s with you, he’d let that little smile stretch on his lips and the little crease fold on his lids

Mikey would come to your apartment in the middle of the night, visibly exhausted, and simply watch you as you fret over his unattended injuries. He’d be too shy to admit wanting to fall asleep with you by his side, so he just waits until you offer him to.

Sleeps the best those nights.

He prefers physically meeting more than calling. And his texts are usually short unless he’s really out there writing you some important notice.

Sometimes kakucho texts you on his behalf because he’s too busy.

As apathetic as he might appear, you know by being with him that he’s so vulnerable that it hurts. So once in a while when you tell him encouraging words and motivate him to go on, he embraces you and presses his nose on your nape to hide the emotions that covet his face.

He can’t express himself all that well, and he tells you that frequently but you can see in his efforts that he’s really trying his best.

Would ask you if you ever regretted saying yes to him. Your answer is always the same but he finds it hard to believe that you’d stay with someone like him. Since he's almost always insecure about himself.

When he’s not in his right mind, and you try to persuade him on something when you know yourself that any further words and he'd snap. He’d no doubt point his gun at you- and immediately regret it afterward.

He wouldn’t say anything but you know he’d never hurt you, and that he always keeps the safety lock of his gun on whenever he’s with you.

Mikey wouldn’t want to take you to any meetings because most of them end up in bloodshed. He’s very strict about it and won’t take any objections. But give him some time, he’d know that it’s alright to let you accompany him.

Mikey doesn’t show his feelings that much, he doesn't expect you to be alright with that either. Maybe after a few arguments and break-downs, he’d try his best to express any feeble emotions he could in front of you.

But he doesn’t cry in front of you. Even when the hurt is too much, and you’re crying on his behalf- he doesn't utter a single word. You’d wished he would though, because maybe he’d feel a little more human if he did.

Would definitely make you sit on his lap like a queen during bonten meetings as he interrogates some fugitives. Still will try his best to not kill anyone if you’re here.

“you’re lucky I have someone close to me here, or you’d have had your brains out on the floor already"

He zones out once in a while because of something that’s stressing him out. You’d have to push him a lot to make him tell you his concerns. He’d repeat that “it's nothing” and even if he tells you, it’d be very abbreviated. “It’s just some moles in the gang”

If he hurts you, he’s absolutely regretting it right the next moment. Would incessantly repeat ‘i’m sorry’ so that you don’t end up leaving him.

He’s very scared of that.

The first time he kisses you, he says, “it must be awful kissing a monster huh.”

you don't even hide how that hurts you, so he averts from saying anything as self-deprecating as that from then on.

bonten Mikey is definitely not a piece of cake. it's a rollercoaster dating him.

i think one thing that still hasn't changed between touman Mikey and bonten Mikey is that both like sweet desserts. I think he'd still have a stash of dorayaki/taiyaki in his room. And he's eternally grateful to you for routinely filling them up.

shares some with you as a token of his affection.

sometimes doubts how you even like him, much less something as vehement as love. He's once told you that, "I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not...enough for you."

You'd need to constantly remind him that no, you're not making any sacrifices, and nor are you losing your life by dating him.

you're doing it because you want to.

and Mikey's doing it because he wants to too.

no doubts, you're one of the most precious people in his life and someone he holds very dear. which sometimes might become a bit obsessive, but i think it's solvable if you both talk it out.

unless you really can't.

[babyboibucky]

The Match - Part 10

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sam helps you out in planning for the launch while Bucky is away.

Word Count: 4.2k (woopsies)

Warnings: SMUT is back, angry unprotected sex, spitting, a tiny hint at scratching and choking, some hurtful words thrown in yada yada yada, kinda intense asjkcackansk

A/N: STRAP THE FUCK IN BECAUSE WE BOUTTA RIDE A DAMN ROLLERCOASTER OMG I’m nervous for this because I found this part very intense while writing it. And I hope it comes across as that to y’all as well because my fingers ached from how hard I was typing this part lmfao. Team Bucky vs Team Reader/Team Sam here we goooo sksksk enjoy

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

You didn't accept Sam's invitation to connect in LinkedIn. Not yet. But it did give you several ideas, like maybe submitting a resignation letter? Get away from Bucky and his toxic ass? He has Mackenzie now, he can easily have her take over your position anyway.

However, you were also torn because you loved your job at Bucky's company. It paved way for you to improve your skills and you experienced a lot of growth too. And well, Bucky's there too but god, you hated him right now. As much as you wanted to wave the white flag, you didn't feel like it was the right thing to do.

You wanted Bucky to learn that not everything he wants, he can easily get. And Mark was right, that you weren't just a trophy employee or whatever. You were so much more than what Bucky probably thinks of you.

And you were going to prove him that.

-

"Hey, Bev. Can you ring up your boss for me? Tell him I want to go over some of the plans I made for the launch before I discuss it with Mackenzie tomorrow." you asked.

Beverly was about to lift the phone up when an unexpected visitor arrived. None other than Sam Wilson himself.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but did I hear you correctly? You've already made some plans for the launch?" he asked with interest.

You chuckled, "Sort of. Well, it's a rough draft of my ideas. I just thought it would be nice to get a headstart." you admitted.

Sam nodded and was about to say something when Bucky stepped out of his office, his brows furrowing upon seeing you and Sam conversing. Bucky eyed you before glancing over at Sam, patting his shoulder gently as a greeting.

"You checking up on us or what?" Bucky teased with a chuckle.

Sam shook his head, "Not really. Well, kinda. I figured that another presentation would be unnecessary, I mean. I'd love to work on the launch with your team instead of being on the sidelines for approvals." he admitted.

You shrugged, "I think that's a great idea too. Less time to waste, less back and forth." you pitched in.

Bucky frowned a bit, his jaw clenching at how you backed up Sam immediately. "That's fine, but I have a meeting in a few. Might last the entire day. Mackenzie won't be here until tomorrow too." he said.

"She and I can discuss her plans today and maybe I can pitch in some of my ideas too. She can present them tomorrow to you and Kenzie." Sam suggested, gesturing over to you.

Bucky stared at you and Sam alternately, his hands balling into fists at his sides. You could see his internal struggle about leaving you and Sam to discuss about the launch, without his presence.

You lifted up the folder in your hand, "I wanted to go over these plans with you but I didn't know you have a meeting. Sam and I can just refine these today, would save us a lot of time. We don't want to be rushing anything for this project at the last minute." you told him.

Bucky swallowed but nodded anyway, albeit with hesitation, "Yeah. Of course. I'll just catch up on the both of you later."

And with that, Bucky walked away but not without sparing you and Sam one final glance. His eyes met yours for a brief moment and you weren't sure, but you saw a flash of worry in his eyes before it was immediately replaced by his usual stern, ice-cold gaze.

You turned to Sam with a smile, "We can discuss in the conference room." you said and led the way.

-

The planning was seamless and you were surprised that you had so much fun exchanging ideas with Sam, to the point of almost forgetting about lunch break. It was quarter past noon when the both of you realized that it was way past lunch time.

"Do you want to grab lunch or order something instead? I honestly hate working lunch, just so you know." Sam said with a laugh.

You groaned, "I hate that too, honestly." you admitted with a chuckle.

Sam nodded, "Great, we can head out for a quick lunch?" he asked.

It didn't even cross your mind to hesitate, so you immediately agreed and even asked if you can take Beverly with you. You'd grown somewhat attached to her in the short time you've known her. Poor kid was being treated like an outcast by the other office girls. She always waited for you to have your lunch break too, especially that Mark has been pretty busy lately.

Sam was kind enough to agree about including Beverly for lunch. The two of you were about to head out of the conference room when Beverly peeked in, worry etched all over her face.

"I need your help." she whined, "I think I messed up Sir James' schedule. Mister Nakajima is on the phone and said that he's going to be an hour late for a meeting today. I forgot about Sir James’ meeting with another company today!" she explained, almost close to tears.

You rushed over to her and held her shoulders, "Hey, calm down. Did you tell Mister Nakajima?" you asked.

"I did and he got mad at me! Today is his only free day and he said that if he doesn't meet up with Sir James, the deal is off." Beverly said, stomping her foot on the ground.

You heaved out a sigh, knowing that the deal was very important. Mister Nakajima owned an auto manufacturing company which produces world-class materials for cars. Bucky had been working on convincing Mister Nakajima to be his permanent supplier for quite a while now. Big fucking deal.

You looked back at Sam, "Hey, I'm sorry. Can you give me a couple of minutes?" you asked with an apologetic expression.

"Take your time." Sam nodded with a smile.

You went over to Beverly's desk and took over the phone call, without knowing that Sam trailed behind you. He watched you carefully as you talked to Mister Nakajima, your demeanor calm yet confident.

"Hi, Mister Nakajima. I'm the company's Marketing Head and I would like to apologize for the mix up. Bucky has been working really hard on improving the quality of our products, he's been in meetings in and out. That being said, would it be alright if I take over this afternoon's meeting instead? Bucky worked on an amazing presentation and I honestly would love to go over it with you and just show you how this partnership would be beneficial for both our companies." you asked.

Fortunately, you were able to appease Mister Nakajima while also saving Beverly's ass for her honest mistake. As soon as the call was done, you reassured Beverly that everything was fine now and that you'll take care of Bucky. By the time you looked back at Sam, he was merely smiling at you.

"You're really good with people."

-

Lunch break passed by quickly, with you, Sam and Beverly engaging in all sorts of conversations. Even Beverly felt comfortable being around his presence. He mainly talked about his experiences at his first job, giving Beverly a couple of tips on how to navigate through the corporate world.

Sam was very kind.

The planning resumed after lunch and by the time Mister Nakajima and his associates arrived, the launch plan was pretty much refined with a lot of details. Sam excused himself to give you time to meet with Mister Nakajima, however, he said he'll be staying until Bucky comes back.

Presenting to Mister Nakajima made you nervous as fuck, especially that he didn't really work closely with you which might affect his decision. Luckily though, you knew Bucky's presentation like the back of your hand due to the fact that he had gone over it with you for a couple of times back when the two of you were still, well, fucking around.

Ah, the good old days.

The meeting with Mister Nakajima went perfectly well because as soon as you were done with the presentation, the old man simply asked for the contract to seal the deal. Although it wasn't you who actually worked on the deck, you had a sense of fulfillment. You were proud of yourself and you couldn't wait to dangle it right in front of Bucky's face.

"Thank you so much, Mister Nakajima. We are excited for this partnership." you said happily as you led him and his associates out of the conference room, just as when Bucky arrived.

He looked confused when Mister Nakajima greeted him happily, shaking his hand and telling him how good his presentation was. Bucky looked over at you, as if asking what the hell was going on. You merely shrugged and headed back inside the conference with Sam.

Bucky followed shortly and for some reason, he looked agitated. He was about to speak up when Sam beat him to it, giving him a hard pat on the back.

"The launch event is gonna be really good." he said confidently before glancing at you.

"You're lucky to have her, Bucky." he said before bidding goodbye, giving you one last look and a wink as well, something that Bucky immediately noticed.

When Sam left, so did the light atmosphere inside the conference room. Bucky turned to you with a scowl, his footsteps rushed and heavy as he approached you.

"What the hell happened with Mister Nakajima?" he asked gruffly.

You smiled as you handed him an envelope, "The partnership is a go. He signed the contract and his team will be keeping in contact with us and our factory soon." you explained proudly.

Bucky took the envelope from your hand and went through the contract before placing it back on the table. "I thought my meeting with him isn't until Friday."

"Beverly mixed up your schedule and before you even reprimand her, give the girl a break. It's her first job and with the amount of meetings you've been having, mix-ups are inevitable. What matters now is that I took over the presentation and Mister Nakajima signed the contract." you explained with nonchalance.

Bucky shook his head, "The end does not justify the means." he said. "Beverly should have been careful. My schedule is not a joke and if I miss another important meeting, that can fuck up the entire company."

You rolled your eyes, "Calm down, Beverly surely learned from today's mistake. It's done. The deal is on. Everything is peachy. The launch details have been planned out, Sam is happy with it. All I have to do is to secure your and Mackenzie's approval for it and then we can start with the execution. You're welcome." you said all in one breath, handing Bucky a USB containing the details of the launch.

You brushed past Bucky to leave the conference room but you were immediately pulled back with his hand around your arm. He looked down at you with an angry look on his face, almost fuming. You couldn't understand why the fuck he was so aggravated with you today. Sure, he had been testing your patience lately but it was the first time he actually looked like he was going to snap.

Not at the situation, but at you.

"Are you trying to impress Sam? Taking on my responsibilities while he's around?" he asked, eyes narrowing at you.

You scoffed, unable to believe what Bucky was accusing you of. Pulling your arm back, you took a step back and looked at him with disgust. "You're unbelievable, Bucky." you said.

"Had I not stepped in, we would have lost the deal. You promoted me for a reason, and I believe part of it is my leadership skills. And no, I'm not trying to impress Sam. I'm simply doing my fucking job." you hissed and tried to side step Bucky, only for him to block your way.

"Did he offer you a position in his company? What the fuck was the wink all about?" Bucky accused yet again.

"Oh my god, Bucky! You're blowing things out of proportion. He didn't. We talked about the event. That's it." you explained, pinching the bridge of your nose because Bucky was getting on your very last nerve.

Bucky had been fucking with you too much now and you could feel the last bits of your composure slowly slip away with every word that was coming out of his mouth. Coming for your job was one thing, but accusing you of flirting your way to another company? That was a low blow.

"Don't lie to me, I saw the notification on your phone the other day. Seems to me like Tinder matches don't work for you anymore, you moved on to LinkedIn now to find connections instead?" he asked and that particular statement struck a certain nerve.

You let out a bitter scoff, "Do you even hear yourself, Bucky? At least Sam was being professional and didn't use Tinder to hire a fucking consultant to threaten my damn job!" you slipped, unable to hold back.

The look on Bucky's face was a whirlwind of emotions-- shock, wrath, exhaustion-- and you felt like you were supposed to get scared. Gone were the blue orbs that used to make you feel safe, his eyes only held anger in them. And the thing was, your eyes looked the same as you held Bucky's gaze.

You were so fucking tired of everything, of Bucky.

"How did you-- it doesn't matter." Bucky said, shaking his head. "How much did Sam offer you?" he asked.

Your jaw dropped at the implication of Bucky's statement, "You are a fucking asshole, Bucky. Sam didn't offer me a fucking job. You really don't listen, Bucky. You never listen." you huffed out exasperatedly.

"Okay, maybe he hasn't laid down his offer yet. Perhaps, you let him fuck you too?"

Your vision blacked out upon hearing that and by the time you regained your senses, all you could feel was how your palm stung. You had walked up to Bucky and slapped him right across the face, hard enough to make the corner of his bottom lip bleed. Your entire body was trembling from rage as you stood in front of Bucky.

He tilted his head as he wiped the blood off from his lip, looking up at you with lust-filled eyes. And then his hand gripped your neck, tugging you close for a bruising kiss. You grunted against his mouth and pushed him away, slapping him again. Before Bucky could even recover, your fingers wrapped around his tie pulling him down to you for another kiss.

Walls crumbled down, tension was broken and needs were being fulfilled. The rush of emotions blurred the line between fury and lust with the latter obviously winning. All you could think about was the throb that you suddenly felt within your core begging for relief.

Relief that was denied from you for the past few weeks of playing cat and mouse with Bucky.

And with the way Bucky was kissing you, you knew he felt the same. It had been too long and both your minds were too hazy to even care that it was only five in the afternoon and that there were employees working just outside the conference room.

Was the fear of getting caught going to stop you? No, not now. Because you needed release and you were sure as hell going to get it. This wasn't like the other times you and Bucky fucked. You didn't care about Bucky at the moment, how he felt or what was going on in his mind. You just needed to release all your pent up emotions and you were going to use Bucky to get what you need.

Bucky pushed you against the table, your tailbone hitting the edge with such force that made you groan from pain.

"Yeah, why don't you make some noise so everyone can see how fucking needy you are for me?" Bucky growled, gripping your face with one hand, forcing you to keep your eyes on him as his other hand bunched your skirt up to your waist.

You let out a chuckle, "I'm not the one going to make noise here." you warned before reaching down to palm his erection.

Bucky hissed and bit his lip hard to prevent himself from eliciting a moan. His jaw ticked as he squeezed your face tighter, forcing you to open your mouth as his eyes scanned your features.

"Watch your fucking mouth, baby. I still own you, you're fucking mine." he said through gritted teeth, his eyes lidded as he looked down at you like a predator.

You kept your mouth closed but as soon as Bucky's fingers found your damp panties, you weren't able to stop your whimper. Bucky took the opportunity and spit in your mouth before crashing his lips against yours in a messy kiss. It was all tongue and spit, the way he kissed you as his fingers rubbed at your folds through the thin fabric of your underwear.

He kissed you like he owned you.

"I'm not yours, Bucky." you said as your hands quickly unbuckled his belt, unzipping his trousers and pulling out his hard cock from the confines of his boxers.

The groan that reverberated from Bucky's chest as you stroked him made you smirk. His hand on your face slid down to your neck, holding you tightly as he pushed aside your underwear and then he slid into you with no prior warning. The lack of foreplay made it hurt when he bottomed out, but the pain quickly turned into pleasure when Bucky started moving his hips against yours.

No words were further exchanged from then on. Only soft whimpers and hushed grunts could be heard. However, it was clear that even up until now, there was competition. You didn't want to make noise, didn't want to lose to Bucky. You didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing how fucking good he was making you feel right now, with how each drag of his cock was making your toes curl inside your heels.

Your hands held onto his broad shoulders as he fucked you against the table, the fabric of his suit bunching up against your fingers. Bucky kept his gaze on you and not once did you falter, not even when the tip of his cock hit your cervix, almost punching the air out of your lungs.

Bucky held the back of your thighs and lifted you up, sitting you on the edge of the table and bending forward so he could angle his cock in a way that you would feel it deep within you. Your legs automatically wrapped around his waist, one of your hands scratching at his jaw as he continued to pound your sopping cunt.

"God, fucking missed this pussy. Can feel you clamping down on my cock, you gonna cum soon?" he asked, pressing the tip of his nose against yours.

You clamped a hand over your mouth, muffling the wanton moan that Bucky pounded out of you. Not wanting to be the only one to make noise, you clenched around him hard. Bucky let out a growl at how your walls squeezed his cock, his balls tightening as his own orgasm approached.

"Cum for me, Bucky." you whimpered, tipping your head up to lick at Bucky's mouth as your legs tightened around his waist to pull him deeper into you.

Bucky exhaled heavily through his nose, the veins on his neck popping out as he fucked your harder on the table. He kept his hand wrapped around your neck while the other held onto your waist so tight, you could feel his fingers digging deep into your skin. Even with your clothes on, you were sure that you'll be getting bruises from how hard his grip on you was.

"Go on, Bucky. Want your cum inside, want to feel you fill me up again." you moaned against his parted lips, darting your tongue out to taste his mouth.

The needy tone of your voice sent Bucky to the edge first. He uttered a string of curses under his breath as ropes of his cum painted your walls with their warmth with triggered your orgasm. Your body convulsed as waves of pleasure ran through your veins, starting from your fingertips down to your toes. Bucky kissed you and swallowed your moans as his thrusts slowed down.

It took a while for the both of you to recover from the intense fucking. Bucky nuzzled your neck with his nose, his heavy breaths warming up your sweaty skin. There was a short moment of peace that followed, the tension gone and was replaced by a heavy feeling.

You swallowed hard and slowly regained your senses. The release cleared your mind and the memories of the heated exchange from earlier were quick to come back. Bucky's accusations echoed in your ear and they were so clear it almost felt like he was saying them to you again.

Suddenly, you doubted Bucky's intentions when he promoted you. Was he really impressed of your skills at work or was it because you let him fuck you?

"Get off of me." you said, pushing at Bucky's chest until he straightened up.

Ignoring the emptiness you felt when his cock slipped out of you, you hopped down from the table and started fixing yourself. In the many times you had slept with Bucky, it was the first time that you felt disgusted with yourself.

You turned your back to Bucky as you adjusted your underwear, pulling down your skirt and pressing your palms against the fabric to iron out the creases. Your breath was heavy as you processed what had just happened. And just like that, your reserve broke and the strong facade you had built crumbled down into pieces, leaving you vulnerable.

"Hey, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Bucky suddenly asked when he heard your sniffing, the darkness in his features gone.

His eyes were back to blue and there was nothing but genuine concern when he saw the tears in your eyes. Bucky tried to approach you but you quickly backed away from him, your arms wrapping around yourself as protection.

"Did you hurt me?" you scoffed. "In more ways than one, Bucky." you quickly added, wiping away your tears hastily with the back of your hand.

You were about to walk out of the conference but decided that it was probably time for you to actually speak up about everything. How you felt for him and how much you hated him for coming at you like that.

"I was going to admit that I like you. I thought about it and figured that I was too proud and a bit selfish for not considering your feelings when I rejected you." you explained.

Bucky blinked in confusion, "What? When?"

You shrugged, "The day you brought in Mackenzie. And I was more hurt than mad that you did that. Because you knew how much this job means to me and you had used it against me. You basically took advantage of my weakness, for what? To get me to cave in? Even when I clearly told you how fucking scared I was of the consequences of whatever kind of relationship we have?" you huffed out.

You didn't allow Bucky to speak, not yet. Not until you were done making him understand why you had been so hell-bent on keeping things professional.

"I wasn't born into a rich family like you, Bucky. I had to work my way up to where I am. Unlike you, I have a family to support and if I lose this job, it's not only me who would suffer. And it won't be easy for me to find another one, not after the reputation I'd have once we get busted." you further explained.

"I told you about it so many times and I wish you listened. Because maybe we could've figured shit out. Or I don't know, maybe the fucking was too good and you only wanted me for that." you shrugged.

Bucky quickly shook his head, "No. God no, you're more than that."

You chuckled again, a fresh wave of tears flooding the corners of your eyes. "It most definitely felt like it when you accused me of fucking Sam."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. Let me explain, please? I didn't mean to, I was too--"

"No, Bucky. You didn't listen to me when I told you how I felt about us. Now you're going to know how it feels to not to get what you want." you sternly said before walking over to the door.

You turned back at Bucky and refused to let his expression get to you. He looked devastated, his eyes glassy from the tears he had been holding back, his lips parted as he finally realized what he had done.

"Expect my resignation letter by tomorrow. As soon as we're done with the launch, I'm out."

-

The Match Special Tags:

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Everything Bucky Tag List:

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[h0neypjm]

Confident 02 | jjk

↳ Summary: After giving Jungkook the best suck of his life he’s left wondering if what you said was true. Was it really your first time? ‘Cause Jungkook thinks you might’ve lied.

↳ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, college au, fuckboy! jk, our fav cheeky virgin reader!

↳ Rating: 18+

↳ Word count: 8.8k

↳ Warnings: swearing, mentions of past toxic relationship, mentions of being pressured into sex, mentions of body image, mentions of stds, Jungkook being very confused, no smut in this part

↳ a/n: here it is !!! thank you for all the love for the first part, i hope you enjoy this part ! please feel free to leave any feedback <3 

↳ Series: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

Previously...

“She said it's her first time.” He pauses, looking up at his friends' concerned faces. “I think she might’ve lied.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Jungkook groans, cradling his head before banging it on the table. The utensils on the table rattle and clang, bringing unwanted attention to his mini breakdown. Taehyung is quick to place his hand under Jungkook's forehead just as he goes in for another blow. “Ok, Jungkook- Jungkook!” Jimin giggles beside him. “Fucking stop, people are staring.”

Jungkook pauses and subtly peeks out of his long bangs, checking to see that Taehyung’s words were indeed true. He breathes out and sits up in his chair, fixing his shirt to play off that he wasn’t just having a mental meltdown.

Jimin rolls his eyes, “soooo are you gonna talk now, cause’ I have a horrible headache and you’re really not helping.”

Jungkook nods opening his mouth to speak. “Alright so uh, I met a girl last night and-”

“I thought you went home?” Taehyung shoves Jimin’s shoulder and Jungkook glares, “yeah, well that clearly didn’t happen.” He rubs his temples, “could you do me a favour and let me speak first, and then you can ask the questions. Ok?”

The two boys nod, settling into their seats as Jungkook delves back into his story.

“Alright so anyways, I saw this girl and like, I haven’t ever seen her before? She was literally perfect”. He exhales looking at nothing at particular as he continues. “Gorgeous face, prettiest lips and oh! speaking of her lips, God the way she sucked-”

Despite what Jungkook said earlier, Taehyung feels the need to intervene. “Ok as much as I love a good suck myself, I need you to stop here, we don’t need the graphics.” Jimin nods in agreement even though it’s clear he’s not paying an ounce of attention. Jungkook smirks at the memory, but it soon drops as he remembers one tiny detail. He places his hands on the table, total seriousness etched onto his face. “But here’s the kicker, she said it was her first time.”

Confusion. 

“So did you or did you not take her virginity?”Jungkook crosses his arms. “No, after that she just up and left.” “Wait, fuck”, Jungkook suddenly realises, “I didn’t even make her cum���, he groans and Taehyung bursts into laughter. This finally garners Jimin’s attention, his dazed eyes squinting. “Who’s the girl?” Jungkook sighs, “if you were listening before you would’ve heard me say that I don’t know her.” Jimin leans forward,“well can you at least describe her? I pretty much know everyone who attended the party”

Jungkook doesn’t have to think that hard. “She was wearing this plaid skirt and like a white top-” Jimin’s eyes widen, “Holy shit, Y/N?! Man, Jin’s gonna kill you.” This makes Jungkook pause, thoughts running back to the text he had received from Jin. “Wait, they’re not a thing are they?” Jimin chokes, “God no, they’ve been family friends since like forever, Jin’s practically her protective older brother.”

That explained his text earlier. Jungkook furrows his brows, more questions beginning to arise and spill out of his mouth. “How come I’ve never met her and if she’s a virgin, then how- how did-”, Taehyung cuts in, “dude she’s done other things before.” More confusion. “And how would you know that?” Taehyung smirks, shrugging as he gets up out of his chair. “I'm gonna get a drink, Jimin, you want anything?” God, his head is spinning. “Sure, you know my usual.”

It was the way Taehyung spoke too casually, like your lifestyle choices were common knowledge. How the fuck hasn’t he met you, yet his friends seem to be well acquainted with your existence? “What the fuck was that look?” He focuses on Taehyung from where he orders his drinks. “Did you see it Jimin? Kinda sus.”

Jimin remains nonchalant, blowing a strand of hair out of his sight before answering one of Jungkook’s urgent queries. “Jin never introduced you to her because well…” He looks Jungkook up and down with an unimpressed look. “You would get your grimy hands on her immediately. And Then after that, It’s like she never existed ” Jungkook opens his mouth, rebuttal on the tip of his tongue. “Don’t argue with me boy, the second you met her, you already wanted her on your dick, did you not?”

Jungkook is shocked to say the least, jaw hanging open as Taehyung makes his way back to the table, drinks in hand. “Oh God, what did you tell him?” Jungkook slams his fist on the table, yet again grabbing the attention of people around them. “That is not true! I have standards, and what about you two. You guys are just as bad.” He points accusingly at the bruises peeking out of Taehyung’s loose shirt, “Look at Tae! Those hickies are probably a combination of the three girls he fucked last week!”

Jimin doesn’t want to get kicked out of the cafe, so he attempts to calm down a soon to be raging Jungkook. “Look, to put it nicely, you’re a heartbreaker, you lead girls on whereas Tae and I actually tell people we’re not interested in anything more than a hookup.”

Jungkook seems to understand where he’s coming from. He can admit, he does have quite the reputation if the amount of times he’s been slapped in the face says anything. But now, with this newfound information, he can also admit that you’ve certainly intrigued him, that was for sure.

Jungkook wants to see you again.

Not for a rump in the sheets, but rather a friendly conversation. 

It was just his luck that he had heard through the grapevine that you had been invited to one of Jin’s small pool party get togethers. If Jungkook was being honest, he’s quite excited to be within your vicinity again but he knows he needs to keep his cool. Especially after the series of death threats and slaps on the neck from Jin. He shudders at the memory.

And so, Jungkook prepares himself more than he usually does. He wants to do it right this time. No flirty teasing, just friendly innocent conversation. He makes sure to carefully pick out the right swim shorts that display the thickness of his thighs. Not for any sexual gain, more so to show off the hours spent at the gym in hopes that maybe he can get you to become more interested in him as he is to you. He sounds desperate, and he’s sure you’re not that materialistic, but he has this nagging want to impress you somehow. He huffs and does a few pushups, for extra measure of course.

He’s not sure as to why his brain decided to make him act this way. You’re more or less a stranger to him. However, when Jungkook begins his short journey to Jin’s house he really lets himself think, which usually isn't a good idea. 

Jungkook doesn’t know you, but you’ve definitely left an imprint in his mind which makes you all the more fascinating. It’s news to him that you seem to be very close to his small circle of friends which is probably thanks to your deeply rooted friendship with Jin. That new piece of information had been bugging him since the day he met up with Taehyung and Jimin. Surely his reputation couldn’t be the only reason why you’ve never met him. Right?

Parking his car in Jin’s enormous driveway, he makes his way up to the grand front door. Sometimes he wishes he could live a life like Jin. He grew up being fed with a silver spoon his whole life. Having everything paid for instead of rolling in the miseries of college student debt.

Once Jungkook makes his way into the large house, he sets down the drinks he had brought onto the kitchen counter and watches his best friends goof around and enjoy the summer sun with a warm grin. He chuckles quietly when Jin pushes Jimin and his perfectly styled hair into the pool. Jimin screams a slur of curses while Jin quickly runs beside a sleeping Yoongi for protection.

Slipping out of his loose oversized shirt, Jungkook scans the entirety of Jin’s backyard, looking for the face that has been haunting him since that fateful night. She’s not here. He reexamines the pool seeing nothing but the chaotic mess of his favourite people, and he sighs. Just as he prepares to step out into the blazing sun, the sound of his stomach growling stops him in his tracks. 

Thinking about you made him nervous. So nervous that his stomach couldn’t bear the thought of breakfast. However, after the realisation that you hadn’t arrived just yet, makes him do a full one eighty, long strides taking him to Jin’s expensive fridge.

His head is already deep into the fridge when he hears the sound of the sliding door opening, revealing a dripping Jin with a small scowl on his face. It seems Jimin finally got his revenge. “I’m starving you got any leftovers?” Jungkook queries, his head popping out from the cool air of the fridge.

Jin grabs a fresh towel and whacks it against Jungkook’s naked back. “What’s the point of even asking when you’re already going through my damn fridge!” Jungkook flashes Jin an innocent grin and glows when he discovers a small bowl of Chinese takeout. 

It very quickly dawns on Jungkook that in order to enjoy a nice warm meal, he would need to heat it up. His stomach all but roars, not used to the lack of food in its system and Jungkook wants to cry. He wants to cry and it's not from the angry hunger pains, but rather something extremely laughable. He has to use a fucking microwave. 

You’re running late, there’s sweat running down your brow and you feel like your arms will fall off any second. The weight of snacks and alcohol you had brought making you stagger as you finally enter Jin’s enormous home.

The one and only thing that’s on your mind is the refreshing feeling of slipping into Jin’s pool while sipping on an iced beverage. This motivates you enough to put all the strength left in your exhausted being to speedily walk into the kitchen and throw everything onto the counter. 

“AHH FUCK!” You flinch at the sudden scream, hugging your body protectively. Jungkook slowly pops out from behind the other side of the counter, his doe eyes big and wide. “You fucking scared me Jesus!” He exclaims, running a hand through sweaty bangs.

The air had escaped your lungs long before you could utter your next sentence as the sight before you has you freezing. There he was, Jeon Jungkook in all his glory. Tanned skin and taut muscle sculpted by the Gods. You didn’t mean to stare, but how could you not! Your eyes had a mind of their own. He’s glorious, every single part of him, and you’re not even afraid to admit it. Your eyes are quick to eat him up, tracing the art staining the whole of his right arm and you wonder what every swirl of ink means to him.

Jungkook coughs awkwardly, going in to scratch at his neck. You imagined he would tease you about your obvious ogling, but it never came. Strange. “Why were you hiding?” You ask, dropping your gaze from his body in order to arrange the snacks into neat piles, using it as an excuse to slowly step closer to him. “Oh! Uh-”, he scratches his head, looking down at his feet before jumping five feet into the air, a startled gasp leaving his lips when the timer of the microwave goes off. 

You burst into laughter and Jungkook flushes in embarrassment. Jin had told you about Jungkook’s embarrassing fear of microwaves but you never thought you would see it first hand. You hold in the laughs that tickle your throat and try to settle him down by lightly touching his shoulder. He flinches at your touch.

“Are you okay?” You’re really close to him now. Your chest is practically pressed up against his and Jungkook gulps. How was it possible that you could look even more stunning than the last time he saw you? Your cheeks are glowing from the soft golden rays of the afternoon sun and the way you look up at him, your soft smile curling makes his head spin.

“Yeah, I’m good”, he breaks eye contact in embarrassment. “Sorry, just uh, microwaves are scary you know?” You giggle up at him. Is this really Jungkook? The Jungkook you’ve seen flaunting a new girl every week just to abruptly break her heart when he can’t promise anything more than sex? 

You’re not complaining, he’s quite adorable like this.

You’re not too sure why his personality has the sudden switch up. It could possibly be the fact that he’s with his closest friends and doesn’t feel the need to put up his playboy persona. Although, the way he blushes when he looks at you plays a different story. Do you make him nervous? Surely not, if the memories of that heated night are anything to go by.

“So uh, are you gonna head into the pool?” His empty stomach is long forgotten as he gestures to the large backyard, you nod up at him excitedly. It’s then Jin decides to bust back into the kitchen, a stern gaze set on his face. “Y/N, can I speak with you for a minute?” Jungkook cautiously takes a step away from you, your bodies no longer close to each other and you notice this with a small frown.

“Yeah, sure”, you relent walking over to Jin who places a protective arm around your shoulders. Unknowingly to you, Jin traps Jungkook down with a hard stare and signals Jungkook to go outside, to which he accepts with a nod.

“I know what you’re gonna say, and no I do not see him like that”, you cross your arms defensively. Jin sighs, “I just don’t wanna see you get hurt again.” He places his hands on your shoulders, full lecture mode on. “Let’s face it, you’re a hopeless romantic, I can’t trust that you won’t do something stupid, but you and Jungkook… You’re both important friends of mine and-” 

You’ve heard his overprotective brotherly speech plenty of times, “I know, and I’m so thankful that you’re looking out for me. I just don’t see the harm in befriending him, you’ve never let me speak to him before.” Jin releases his hold on your shoulders to fix the mess of his wet hair, “and there's a reason for that.”

Why was he so damn hard-headed. Jin loves Jungkook like he loves his family. It just didn't make any sense to you that Jin could approve of their friendship but when it comes to you, he completely shields you away from any interactions with the so called playboy. 

“When are you going to stop protecting me from boys?” Jin senses your frustration immediately. “I may be younger than you, but I’m also an adult just like you. An adult that can make her own choices.” You exhale slowly, “You’ve let me befriend your whole group and they’ve been nothing but wonderful to me, I don’t see the wrong in getting to know Jungkook.” 

Jin lets his guard down. You do have a point, maybe he was being a little too overprotective. He gives you a soft smile, you look away. 

“You’re right, I am in no position to dictate your decisions and who you choose to hang around with, it was wrong of me to treat you like that. Jin looks out into the pool, watching Jungkook tackle Taehyung. “I’m sorry I was a bit too harsh, Jungkook’s a good kid, he just got into the wrong crowd at first. Although, you gotta promise to tell me if he hurts you, cause he knows I’ll beat his ass.” 

You laugh accepting his apology, “are you sure about that? He’s a literal muscle pig.” You both begin to make your way outside and Jin shoves you slightly, “hey! You know I’m right.” Jin shakes his head and brings you into a comforting hug. “Yeah, yeah whatever.” He rolls his eyes, you beam up at him and together you walk out into the warm sunlight.

It hadn’t even been a second since you stepped outside, and already Yoongi’s long term girlfriend, Jieun is squealing your way. “Y/N! I’m so happy you're finally here, the amount of testosterone out here was starting to make me feel faint.” You giggle at her exasperated tone, pulling her into a tight hug. 

Nonchalantly you peel off your flowy sundress, it’s stickiness from your sweat making you cringe. “I missed you last week, why didn’t you come to class?” Jiuen pouts, “I'm sorry bub, I somehow caught a cold, but I trust you have some notes for me.” 

The way Jieun flutters her lashes at you innocently forces a roll from your eyes. Slathering sunscreen onto your arms, you reprimand her, “I swear you’re only using me for my notes, you literally never listen in class! Can you get my back please?”

She hums while you turn around, her small hands kneading sunscreen from your shoulder bones to the small dip in your back. Jieun continues to blabber on about the joys of life, not even checking if you’re listening to a single word she says. Instead your eyes are zeroed in on a certain someone.

Your staring is blatantly obvious but you don’t care. It’s only when Taehyung spots your burning gaze with a small smirk does he signal Jungkook to turn around to meet your flirty grin.  

Holy shit

The sun does a real great job of highlighting the gorgeous curves of your body adorned in quite possibly the smallest baby blue bikini he’s seen on a woman. Your breasts practically spill out of the tiny triangle cups and the pretty colour compliments your skin beautifully. 

Whilst Jungkook can admit you have one of the hottest bodies he’s seen in a while, his eyes surprisingly don't linger on your delicious curves for too long. Instead, he finds himself utterly enamoured by the way your eyes crinkle slightly when you smile prettily at him, your cheeks glowing with it. 

It suddenly dawns on him that you are the first girl that has truly enchanted him, and no, your ridiculously gorgeous body had little to do with it. 

Jungkook does not mind this change one bit. 

So, instead of staring at you like a gaping goldfish, he matches your flirtatious body language with a boyish grin and a small wave. His previous nerves dissipating only to be replaced by confidence and polished charm. He doesn’t want to scare you off with his sudden look of epiphany just yet, but the new unfamiliar feeling you give him is surely doing exactly that.

“My, my, Yoongi wasn’t lying.” Jieun stifles a giggle when she notices how Jungkook’s attention has steered towards you and only you. You’re quick to turn around, brows furrowed. “What are you on about?” 

“Oh you know… You and Jungkook”

You grimace, tired of the repeated topic of conversation. “Just because I sucked his dick once does not mean we're a thing” 

“Oh really? He’s asked me an awful lot of questions about you I was beginning to think otherwise”

“Wait, really?”

Jieun has the widest cheshire grin plastered on her face, it's starting to look quite unsettling.

“Really.”

You’re thoroughly shocked to say the least. You thought your fast, fleeting blowjob, sort of, was nothing special. A usual escapade to get his daily fill. Ordinary. Unmemorable.

However, it seems to be quite the opposite.

Jieun grabs your hand and swings it back and forth, exactly like a mother would do, although she’s merely two years older than you. “I know Jin’s been up your ass about Jungkook and frankly I don’t blame him he’s still a little shit from time to time but, he’s actually quite fun to be around and honestly I think his playboy tendencies seemed to dial down a bit since he met us.” The two of you giggle quietly amongst each other, quick feet making your way closer to the pool to avoid the scorching pavement.

Your toes are the first to dip into the pool and you practically moan at the cold water melting away the blistering haze that sticks onto your skin. The water is icy at your waist and you love it. “So my advice would be not to worry about him, instead it's his little army of plastic bimbos that you should watch out for.” 

“Ahh, internalised misogyny. We love to see it.” 

Jieun acknowledges you with a hum as the two of you float around the calming abyss. She then swims closer to you, nodding her head into the direction of a lonely Jungkook, who lazily stares at your alluring form. “I think your loverboy over there wants to talk to you.”

Jieun swims away before you can protest, leaving you to face the handsome man before you. His eyes are round and docile, yet his stare is tantalising, it pulls you in as if he’s slowly reeling you in with a rope. 

The water delicately ripples around your body when you approach him and you internally sigh in awe at the striking features of his stunning face. You want to use this opportunity to finally get to know him, and perhaps form a new friendship. 

You take note of the lack of Jin’s hawk-like eyes or for better the lack of any eyes on the two of you. You’re alone, huddled into one of the far corners of the pool, your conversation private, just for two pairs of ears. 

You open your mouth to speak, “So-”

“I-”

An uncomfortable silence stills the air and you both halt your words to giggle quietly amongst yourselves. God, this is awkward. 

“You go first”, You offer, tucking a wet strand of hair behind your ear. Jungkook follows the subtle movement of your fingers before taking a deep breath. 

“I feel like we should discuss the elephant in the room”

You're stunned. “Huh?”

“You know… That Friday night?”

Of course you knew what he was referring too, yet you wondered why as you honestly didn’t think that night had much impact on the man. 

With a raised brow you ask, “What about it?”

“I’ve just had a lot of... thoughts”

You scratch your head feeling puzzled. You’re sure Jungkook has had better blowjobs in his lifetime. Hell, Jungkook did most of the work that night. “Do you usually discuss the past hookups you have, or am I just lucky today?”

You’re teasing him, nevertheless Jungkook tilts his head back towards the sky. All he wants is clarification, only this conversation is heading down an awkward path, so he decides to spit out what’s been bothering him for the past few days.

“Okay listen, I know this is odd to say, but ever since that night, It’s like I can’t get you out of my head.”

Your ego inflates at his statement and you smirk. You knew you could suck dick well, but according to Jungkook you seem to have quite the talent.

You smile proudly, “damn, look at me go, I can’t believe I have the campus playboy wrapped around my finger.”

Jungkook scoffs, both in annoyance and embarrassment because shit, he could have worded that differently, now he sounds like the clingy girls he fucks.

“Yeah, yeah let’s not pretend like I was the only one enjoying myself here. Weren’t you the one practically begging to be touched?” 

You’re amused. “Weren’t you the one who couldn’t make me cum. Yet came from their own handjob?”

Jungkook tongues his cheek and looks away. The way you speak so casually intimidates him. No girl has ever spoken to him this way, in fact, Jungkook’s the one who usually likes to tease. He can slowly feel the creeping heat alighting his cheeks and God does he hope you don’t notice.

You patiently wait for Jungkook’s reply, a sly grin adorned on your pretty face. However, Jungkook doesn’t say anything, rather he frowns and immaturely splashes water at your face. 

“Jungkook!” You sputter, wiping at your face to rid of the chlorine in your eyes. “What the fuck was that for?”

He shrugs, “sorry my hand must’ve slipped”

You don’t take that for an answer, your petty nature crawling out as you splash him back harder than he had done. “Hand slipped, my ass.”

You cross your arms smugly, a small laugh blossoming out of your mouth when Jungkook cutely rubs at his eyes. 

It’s after a minute when you realise Jungkook hasn’t stopped furiously rubbing his eyes. The circular motions of his hand move so intensely that it begins to look painful and irritating. “Fuck, it stings”, he exclaims in agony.

Shit, you inwardly curse, gently touching his wrist, concern lacing your features because you didn’t think getting chlorinated water in one's eye would sting that much. You analyse his facial expressions closely and you wince at the redness surrounding his eyes from his harsh rubbing. 

On the contrary, Jungkook knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s competitive and won’t back down from a fight, even if it’s just fun banter, so he continues his little scheme just for the fun of it and hides his small grin under his large hands.

You’re now slightly panicked, “fuck, Jungkook I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit the water that hard I-”

Jungkook cracks.

Ever so slowly, he peeps his eyes out at you and watches with a mischievous smirk as your face morphs from alarmed to annoyed in less than a millisecond.

You tighten your grip on his wrist and attempt to slap his hard chest with your free hand, however Jungkook’s reflexes are fast and he grasps your hand tightly, a teasing glint in his eye. 

“You little shit-”

All of a sudden a loud holler is heard from the front door, rousing a relaxed Jin out of his chair as he sprints while simultaneously yelling at the ruckus being made. It’s then a stampede of both familiar and unfamiliar faces come crashing in. Some jump straight into the pool to cool off from the blazing sun while others rush to the table of assorted alcohol, desperate to get an ounce of it in their system.

Word seemed to go around about Jin’s supposed small get-together unbelievably fast, causing the once tranquil Kim Seokjin into a raging volcano. 

You’re pressed right up against Jungkook’s solid chest and he surprisingly pays you no mind, even though your perky tits are deliciously pushed up perfectly against his body. Jungkook’s eyes are not settled on them, rather he pays close attention to the amount of people dangerously plunging into the pool at a fast rate.

Jungkook protectively hugs your shoulders to shield you from the rowdy party goers who definitely do not understand the definition of personal space. Your heart swells when he then delicately places your head in the crook of his neck and wraps an arm around your fairly exposed body, essentially guarding you from frantic wet limbs and ignorant individuals.

You feel comfortable and safe, so comfortable that you wouldn’t mind staying like this for a while if it weren’t for the throng of college students delving into the cooling water. 

Jin’s house begins to fill with unexpected guests very quickly and you wonder how Jin is handling the situation. You suppose not very well when you see him whipping people with towels, red ears making an appearance and his booming voice following him.

Jungkook wants to get out and he’s sure you feel the same way which is why he smoothly slots his hand into your own, long fingers wrapping around your hand to carefully pull you through the growing crowd of people in the pool.

Whilst pushing past a variety of college students you are met with many stares, even worse, numerous envious eyes and whispers of possible gossip. You try your best to avoid their gazes, the hard stares reminding you of the last time Jungkook held your hand to push through groups of people. 

Water drips down the curves of your body and lands in little pools around you when you step out of the pool. At this point you’ve garnered even more turning heads that examine every inch of your skin closely. Their stares itch your skin and you feel akin to an animal kept in a zoo enclosure, curious eyes breaking down your confidence, you want to hide. 

You usually like to pride yourself on your confidence because you know you’re hot and you know your worth. It had taken many failed relationships to build up your self love and nourish the scars and memories of questioning if you’re good enough. 

You fight on and squeeze Jungkook’s hand, mostly for some sort of reassurance. It shocks you when he astonishingly squeezes back and softly rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. It’s almost as if he knows how you’re feeling. 

You glance up at him shyly. Jungkook keeps his eyes straight ahead. He smiles a different kind of smile than the one he had directed to you a few hours ago. His lips are in a permanent smug smirk. His usual playboy smile. He flashes it at everyone as if he’s asking for their approval and even goes in to high-five a few people who are unrecognisable to you. You soon realise that this is what Jungkook thrives on. People, validation and his notorious reputation he’s created for himself.

Jungkook lights up at the presence of crowds, flirty smiles and people calling his name, whereas you want to crawl into your skin and run away because from the perspective of outsiders it looks like you’re just another one of Jungkook’s flings that will soon be forgotten by next week.

Well, you hope you won’t turn out to be one of them.

At last you find yourself away from the heart of the party, your dress in hand but your body still wet nonetheless. Jungkook is in the same state as yourself, droplets of water dribbling from his dark hair and onto the timber flooring. He leans into your ear, “I’ll go get us some towels, stay here.”

He’s gone before you can reply, making small conversation when he passes by various people, his boisterous laugh echoing down the halls. 

You’re alone now, and defenceless at that. There’s not many people you know here, besides the few odd people you share a class with and some sleazy frat boys that hold a similar reputation to Jungkook. You want to find Jieun so you can hug her or maybe ask her if she can take you home, but she is nowhere to be found.

Fuck, You remember leaving your bag on the kitchen table, unsupervised with many personal belongings stowed away inside. Using your dress to cover the most of your exposed skin like a blanket, you stride over to the kitchen and sigh in relief when you find your bag untouched and in perfect condition.

Snatching up your bag, you grab your phone and immediately text Jieun to find out where the fuck she’s hiding, but there’s a part of you that knows she’s probably fucking Yoongi somewhere. Traitor.

Jungkook finds you to be in a completely different part of the house than where he asked you, one towel wrapped around his neck and the other draped over his arm. You haven’t noticed him yet, your frantic fingers texting a treacherous Jieun, “princess, didn’t I tell you to stay put?”

You’re startled. Switching your phone off you stick your arm out, waiting for Jungkook to pass you the towel but he doesn't. Jungkook gently pushes your shoulders so that you turn away from him and carefully wraps the towel around your body like a cape. You hold the edges of the fabric to help him hug the towel around yourself, keeping it tighter to your body.

Your voice is quiet, “thank you.”

Jungkook leans down to meet your face, “What was that?”

Even though Jungkook had been in the pool longer than you, his cologne still sticks to his skin and you kind of want to breathe more of it in, but that would be weird.

“Oh, I said thank you.”

You’re close to him again, although this time he towers over you with a look almost identical to a predator meeting its prey.

Jungkook’s eyes flirt around your face and descend. He shamelessly drinks up the swell of your breasts and whatever skin is visible amidst the fluffy towel around you. It’s strange. You had noticed Jungkook doing the exact same thing when you were alone with him. The difference though was that his looks were cursory as if he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Now, It's like a new persona had taken over him and he was ready to pounce at any sign of a green light. 

He’s stuck in a trance, fuckboy tinted glasses fogging his vision.

You force out a giggle and playfully shove his shoulder, “my eyes are up here, you know.” 

His reply comes lighting fast, he’s definitely been in this position before. “I know, just admiring them.”

Jungkook wants to hit himself the second his reply spewed out of his mouth. He desperately wants to reassure your unimpressed (though also very cute) face, because goddammit he wanted to be respectful. Jungkook knows he has a tendency to slip into a new personality when the right amount of people hyped him. Call it being two faced, he knows it's one of his fatal flaws. 

“I'm sorry.” 

He says it genuinely. 

Jungkook only just got to properly meet you, he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression! He can admit, your first ever official meeting (moreso hookup) wasn’t ideal, yet the way Jin dragged him through the mud undoubtedly made him understand that you weren’t the type of woman that should ever undergo the treatment he puts his hookups through. Scratch that, any woman shouldn’t be treated the way Jungkook treats them.

You're now fully covered under the towel, not a sliver of skin on display. You don’t know if his apology was genuine. “It’s ok I guess, I expected nothing less from you anyways.”

“Right.” He’s messed up.

You clear your throat, “I’m gonna go get changed, maybe look for Jieun unless-”

Jungkook finishes your sentence, “-she’s fucking Yoongi.”

You exhale, “yeah.”

“Jeon Jungkook!”

The voice makes you halt at its familiar tone. Jungkook doesn’t notice your growing panic as he too freezes in his spot. 

No, it can’t be.

The world plays in slow motion when he walks into your line of vision. His assertive stride, smug smile and sharp eyes.

Jeong Suho.

His name explodes inside of you like a blistering fire yet your heart feels ice cold. He is the very man you have spent weeks trying to avoid and even more trying to get out of your head.

The world plays at a normal speed when he approaches Jungkook. Their facial expressions are the same, the way they greet each other is the same. They’re practically the same breed of fuckboy, born from the same mother.

“Been awhile since I’ve seen you around.”

Jeong Suho was a person that Jungkook didn’t really mind, In fact there was a point in Jungkook’s life where he would’ve considered Suho to be one of his closest friends. They were two peas in a pod freshmen year of college. Never giving a fuck about their education and always present for any opportunity to get completely wasted with as many girls they could possibly seduce. Nowadays, Jungkook would rather keep his distance from him.

On the contrary, you were one of the many girls that had fallen deeply for Suho’s alluring charm. You fell so hard, you thought that maybe just maybe there was a possibility that you could secure a future with him. Obviously that was not the case.

You thank your lucky stars that Jungkook was there to distract Suho while you make your haste escape. All you need to do now is somehow locate an unoccupied bathroom, preferably without having to walk in on someone getting it on, and then you could get the hell out of there.

You must admit, you look quite ridiculous right now. Navy blue towel wrapped tightly around your body, your small head peeking through. You could probably pass as some form of E.T cosplay right now. You don’t care if you look rude, pushing and shoving whoever stands in your way. You only have one goal and you’re so so close to succeeding-

“Wait, Y/N! Is that you?”

Fuck.

Do you run? Maybe duck behind some poor innocent student looking for a good time? You huff, you're already sticking out like a sore thumb, there’s no use in trying to hide when the enemy has already spotted you. Even worse Jungkook motions you over with a wide gleaming smile. If only he knew how much you’re dreading this interaction.

Grudgingly, you walk over, looking like an irritated gremlin with your towel still firmly secured around you. Jungkook makes matters worse by pushing the towel off your head, releasing your scruffy ball of hair. You grimace. 

“I didn’t know you knew Y/N?”

Suho sends a smirk your way. You however, glower.

“Yeah we go way back, don’t we baby?”

You force a tight lipped smile, howbeit you look as if you have a mild case of constipation. 

“Sure.” It comes out rough through gritted teeth.

Suho notes your frustration, a sly grin carving onto his punchable face. He turns towards Jungkook, seemingly blocking you from their conversation, yet you know Suho wants you to hear what he has to say.

“You know it’s a shame. Y/N’s gorgeous, ten outta ten body, knows how to put it to good use, however she never let me fuck her. Don’t you think that’s weird?”

Jungkook stays silent for a minute, eyeing your shaking fists and angry eyebrows. Jungkook may be dumb, but he sure knows how to read a room, thus leading him to the conclusion that your relationship with Suho isn’t something you’re very fond of and that he should probably get you out of here.

“Uhhh no, that’s not weird at all actually. What I think is weird is the fact that you think you have this sick claim on every girl you’ve defiled and even worse, you’ve always had this strange need to chase after every virgin you see like some perverted cherry picker. Yeah, that’s weird.”

Suho laughs right in his face, spit grossly tickling his skin. “That’s rich coming from you Jeon, weren't you quite the cherry picker in your freshman days, no?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what he expected from this conversation. It definitely wasn’t this.

It's obvious that Jungkook isn’t a saint, he really fucking far from it. Although, one thing's for sure, it’s his absolute hatred for the way his brain was wired in his freshman year of college. Yes, Jungkook still remains as one of the standing campus fuckboys but he’s gained a few more brain cells since then. 

Jungkook opens his mouth to retort, only to be met with Suho’s back as he turns his attention towards you.

“Y/N, darling if I were you i’d make a run for it, ya know keep your chastity intact or whatever.” His smile is saccharine sweet, though his words are sickly sour.

The months of pent up anger stored within your being bubbles and overflows like a bad science experiment. You’ve quickly decided that now’s that time to expose the shitty excuse of a man, and quite frankly you don’t care that you have an audience. Actually, an audience would make this all the better.

Your finger is strong, pointing accusingly at his broad chest. “You know what you stupid motherfucker? Don’t waltz in here with that dumb smile of yours when you know you have some disgusting cheesy infection growing down there.”

Suho’s eyes widen slightly. It was no secret he was a walking STD, just about infecting every girl that was naive enough to sit on his dick. 

Everyone at the party has definitely stopped to listen to what you have to say. You even spot Jin from the corner of your eye sending you a proud smile. “And while we're on the topic of cheese, Learn how to wash your fucking dick!”

You don’t let him have a moment to speak, grabbing Jungkook’s hand and pulling him out of the house.

A few people applaud, some girls praise you on your way out. You give them no mind, you’ve had enough for tonight.   

Jungkook starts his car, no questions asked. It’s obvious to him that there’s bad blood between you and Suho. What you don’t know is that Jungkook can also relate. 

Technically there was no bad blood between them, moreso the hurtful memories and manipulation Suho put him through. To put it simply, Suho was probably the worst influence Jungkook could ever have as a vunerable freshman. 

The crunch of gravel and soft melodies that spill out of Jungkook’s radio converse with eachother and fill the defeaning silence that sits between you and Jungkook. 

Jungkook doesn’t even know where he’s going, he just drives. 

Every so often he checks up on you from the corner of his eye. Your knees stick tightly together and point away from him. Your fingers curl and uncurl, leaving cresent moons in your skin. And to finish it off, your face remains still, hostility completely washing over your features. If Jungkook didn’t know any better he would think you’d jump out of his car and make a run for it at the chance of him stopping the car.

It’s seven sniffles later when Jungkook decides he knows where he should take you.

The night sky is clear and the stars burn brightly to accompany the full round moon. It’s the perfect setting for release and maybe a screaming session if you’re up for it.

Jungkook makes a stop behind a forest of tall trees and a dirt path. You sit up immediately. 

“Where are we?” Your eyes are rimmed with tears, “I want to go home.”

Jungkook shuts the engine off, “you never told me where you live.”

“Well you never asked!”

Maybe you shouldn’t have yelled because from the looks of it, Jungkook just wants to help you out and clearly you’re not being the friendliest right now. 

You curl back into yourself, “sorry”, another sniffle.

Jungkook brings your fists into his hands and warmly opens them up. You refuse to look at him, it doesn’t deter Jungkook one bit.

Tenderly he brings a finger under your chin, gradually bringing your eyes up to his. Jungkook takes his time with you, careful to not set you off until you’re face to face with his warm eyes. 

“I brought you here because it’s apparent we both need let out some pent up steam.” He drags his fingers delicately across the curve of your chin and back into his lap. His touch is fleeting, you miss it already. “I just thought you may want to vent or just shout out into the void, it’s up to you.” You nod, fully trusting Jungkook’s intentions. “And at any time you feel like going home just say the word and I’ll take you there, okay?” 

Your heart swells in adoration at his caring nature, though you can’t help but wonder how he can have such a sudden change in personality depending on where he is and who he’s with. It’s unnerving. 

Jungkook clicks his seatbelt off and heads out the car, “put your dress back on princess, I’ll be out here waiting for you.” You mutter your confirmation and do as he asks.

The cool summer air kisses your skin and runs through your hair as you step out of the car. Jungkook is already by your side dressed in an oversize hoodie with another in his hand as well as a fuzzy blanket. 

Jungkook steps closer to you, holding the hem of his hoodie to slip over your body. Without a second thought you raise your hands causing Jungkook to chuckle at how cute you look dwarfed in his clothes.

The same cologne you smelled on his skin earlier lingers on every fibre of fabric around you. His scent is everywhere, swirling around your head, instantly calming down your anxieties. You smile at him, “Lead the way Jungkook.”

Jungkook leads you up a small hill and you notice the trees opening up to display a lush field of grass. However, the sight before you leaves you in absolute wonder. You stand completely still and take it all in. 

The night sky is dark but the city below illuminates is beautifully. Your gaze bounces over all the buildings, skyscrapers and their dazzling bright lights. It’s peaceful up here, you decide as you take a glimpse of the hundreds of tall structures looking so tiny, so ant-like.

Jungkook is settled behind you, his legs comfortably folded underneath himself. He remembers what it was like the first time he saw the view, which is why he doesn’t blame your stunned silence and glazed eyes. 

“How did you find this place?”

You find your way towards Jungkook and plant yourself right beside him. “I don’t know, I was just driving aimlessly one night and found it, It’s nice right.”

You hum, “it’s beautiful.”

Jungkook murmurs in agreement as you lie down on the woolly blanket beneath you. The stars twinkle and glimmer amongst the deep blue sky, creating a serene experience. You shut your eyes.

“I hate him.”

Jungkook looks down at you, you don’t see him though. “Suho?”

“Yeah”, you exhale deeply, “I can’t believe I had to see him again.”

Although Jungkook knows you can’t see him, he swivels his body around to face you properly. “Did you guys date or something?”

You scoff, “pffft you know Suho doesn’t date anyone.” You open your eyes, meeting a pair of round docile ones. You continue, “Suho was the first guy who every gave me an ounce of attention. Before him guys never looked my way. Jungkook remains silent, letting you pour out what’s on your mind.

“Suho had me fooled, I thought I was special to him, thought he saw something in me that was different from the others. Turns out that was his game after all”

You speak so animatedly, your hands wave around in the air, your eyebrows scrunch when the memories come back to you. “It’s stupid really, how I used to gush to him about finding the one person in the universe that was created just for me. I guess he used this as my weak point.” 

Inhale, exhale. 

“He made me believe he was that special person for me, used it as an excuse to pressure me into sex.” A tear rolls down the side of your face, falling perfectly in a straight line. “I almost gave in, but something just felt so wrong. Every time I said no he would call me terrible names, tell me that no one would want me if I never gave them what they wanted. And I believed him.”

Another tear escapes your wet orbs, Jungkook is there to wipe it this time.

“I broke it off after I found out he fucked my roommate and gave her some disease.” You chuckle, “I guess I’m lucky I never let him fuck me huh?” 

Jungkook’s heart breaks at your saddened eyes and the way Suho treated you, he sweeps a stray hair out of you face. “I think you dodged a bullet there princess, what he did to you was pure evil, no one, and especially you don’t deserve that”

You sit up, wiping remaining tears and thanking him as you go, “It’s your turn now.” You pat his thigh, “tell me why Suho got you so riled up tonight.”

Jungkook shuffles in his spot, “It’s actually kind of similar to you.”

You gasp sarcastically, “no way he pressured you into sex too?”

He laughs, eyes squeezing shut, “No, no, nothing like that.”

You lean closer to Jungkook, giving him the same attention he had given you. “My father left when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, so growing up I had no male figure present in my life. My mother stopped at nothing to give me that to the point that almost every week I’d wake up and see a new man drinking out of my favourite mug. I didn’t mind it because I was only a child and some part of me always hoped they would stay, but they never did.”

“My mom was a hopeless romantic. She held so much sentimental and idealistic views on love that it stuck to me. She always told me that there was someone special out there just for me.” You smile at the similar belief, Jungkook sighs. 

“Cut to college, Suho was the first friend I made. I had no experience with girls whatsoever, and I still held on to my mother’s faith. Whenever I talked to Suho about it he would always shut me down or make fun of me.”

“He told me that all my feelings are bullshit, and that I only felt that way because I’ve never hooked up with anyone before. Next thing I knew we were going to parties every week getting absolutely shitfaced and fucking every girl I laid eyes on.”

You nod, listening intently. “And tonight, he hit a nerve. What he said made me realise that I’m just as bad as him. He moulded me into this person and now I have a reputation.”

Jungkook’s eyes drop, “he broke my concept of love before I even got to experience it.”

You never knew Jungkook was in a place like this. You always thought he was like Suho, built to break hearts and show no emotion when it came to love. Jungkook was nothing like that. His heart was truly big, desperately longing for someone.

Placing your hand on top of his own you comfort him as best as you can, “oh, Jungkook, trust me when I tell you this, the love in your heart is not broken. Think about it, most people you’ve met have been through college right?” He nods, “there are so many other people out there that you’ve never met, soon you’ll be able to find that someone and learn how to love. I know you present yourself as this emotionless playboy, but once you let that part of you go it’ll feel so freeing.”

Jungkook stares deeply into your eyes, he’s so thankful that he decided to bring you here, he can’t contain his happiness. 

“Can I like, hug you?” Jungkook asks shyly. You smile, and it’s so big and bright Jungkook might as well be staring at the sun. Before he knows it, you’re tackling him into the most wholesome hug he’s ever had. You’re warm and you smell like vanilla, It feels like home.

“Get up”, he says abruptly, extending his arm to pull up your confused self.

“What-”, Jungkook cuts you off, “have you ever just let yourself scream?”

Jungkook has intertwined your hands together, and your heart pounds at the realisation of how well they fit together. “Well, no but I assume that’s what we’re about to do right now.”

He pulls you closer to the edge of the small hill, the view of the city sparkles right in front of you. “On the count of three, one- two- three!”

You scream, you let it all out and God does it feel refreshing.

The two of you sound utterly insane, but none you give a single fuck. You scream until your lungs burn and your throat itches you to stop.

The volume of both of your voices ring out into the night sky only for the moon, stars and yourselves. The night is still young but Jungkook wouldn’t have it any other way.

With you he lets go of everything, all the past mistakes, all the hurt because at this moment he feels like he could fly, soar into the clouds. 

He feels infinite.

Taglist <3 

@zibermuda @uskookie @jeonscandies @melaninkpops @apollukee @hollowtree10 @liliskies @madygswich @pjmochii @eggbutnotyolk @gyukult @yukiehyukie @purplepearl07 (couldn’t tag) @tae165 @youurkryptonite @94ser0da @french-myfries @zippytheshark37 (couldn’t tag) @we8joon @tearvantae​ @emrysts @inspinkyring​​

[erwinsvow]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 | 𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬

a/n: hey everyone! hope you enjoy these college headcanons! part two can be found here! warning for nsfw in jean's, and mentions of alcohol/partying throughout!

jean kirstein

jean shows up to college thinking it’s gonna be high school part two, and quickly gets put in his place

his old antics (for both school and girls) won’t fly anymore, so he tries his hardest at both

i personally see jean as not the smartest, most gifted kid (in college!) but definitely one of the hardest workers

this man comes in pre-law and changes to sports management real quick

he definitely plays some kind of club sport, lacrosse or basketball or maybe even both and he is way too into it

like club lacrosse is his life.

he 100% has eyes for cheerleaders, because he loves idea of someone rooting for him, and if you are one, then it’s instantaneous

he notices you at one of his games, giving a shove to conny and asking if he knew who you were

which is met with “what do i look like, a phone book?”

he builds up the courage to ask you out eventually, to which of course you agree, and it’s pretty much a happy ending after that

makes for a lot of sweaty, post-match sex, with him still in his jersey and you in your uniform hiked up

reiner braun

frat bro reiner is a business major with a focus on finance

reiner is the guy who dedicates 100% of his time to school during the weekdays, and the weekends are for the bros

he’s the first in the library, last to leave lecture because he stayed behind to get clarifications, and pretty much aces everything

halloweekend, he decides to drag annie and bertholdt to a party, because they are in desperate need of letting loose

probably dressed up as something mildly douche-y that didn’t require a lot of thought: a foot ball player jersey with eye black improvised by annie

he is a heavy-weight if you’ve ever seen one, probably on his fifth cup of cheap beer and not even slightly buzzed

annie and bertholdt are sloshed, so he keeps one eye on them to make sure they’re alright

you, on the other hand, are serving as designated-driver for the night and sipping on soda

i think any kind of sweet, innocent costume (angel, fairy, woodland creature) would get his attention immediately

he goes over to you to try to make conversation, and finds himself stumbling over his words even though he just swore he wasn’t tipsy yet

but you find it cute, and given how you have seen him before around campus, studying all the damn time, you’re pleasantly surprised to find a sweet, interesting guy making conversation with you at a halloween party

eventually, your friends take off with their hook-ups, and reiner is left behind alone too after making sure everyone had a safe ride home

with no one left besides you two and his passed out friends, you offer him and his roommates a ride back to his dorm

after dropping annie off, you arrive at the dorm and help lug a blacked-out bertholdt to their room

you say goodnight and as you leave, feeling bold, you leave your number on the whiteboard hanging on their door

so that then turns into coffee-and-studying dates, and eventually a relationship before too long

armin arlert

i think we all know what armin is like in college: marine biology major and history minor

this is an effortless genius, so unlike reiner, he doesn’t have to spend all his time studying

i think armin would be the kind of guy who has school and life figured out, and he slowly realizes a healthy relationship is the one thing missing from his life

there’s honestly plenty of people who want to date him, if he had ever cared to return any of their gazes

i honestly see him being oblivious, so when a fellow classmate asks if he wants to study together, he goes “oh, sorry, i wasn’t really planning on studying, but maybe eren wants a study-buddy, i’ll let him know for you!” instead of realizing that was someone flirting

so it’s the same for you

you’re taking the marine sci class as a last resort, everything else was completely filled up, and you just had to get out of that physics class

but all this talk about oceans and sea-creatures is even worse, somehow. to put it short, you’re struggling, and armin is the kid who raises his hand at every question without so much as jotting down a note during lecture

you know mikasa through a friend-of-a-friend type situation, and ask her if armin would be willing to tutor you sometime

doesn’t matter that part of the reason you’re doing so poorly is because you’re staring at the back of his head most of class

armin and you get together to study on a saturday evening, and what began as a recap on the history of the ocean quickly turns into laughing, talking, and then “you wanna go grab something to eat?”

for someone so smart, he’s really dense

he thinks you’re being friendly and doesn’t want to assume you’re thinking this is a ‘date’ even though you’re internally screaming

it takes you leaning in for a kiss after he’s walked you back to your dorm for it to click

needless to say, he wasn’t quite so oblivious after that

eren yeager

eren was determined to get into the same college as armin and mikasa

my man is undecided, and then sociology after he’s forced to pick

not exactly a fuckboy, not exactly a stoner, just somewhere in between

procrastinates doing work and submits every thing a day late, even though he probably would have gotten full marks if it was on time

him and mikasa decide to take a marine bio class with armin, and he ends up falling asleep during lecture

i don’t see him going for a goody-two shoes type that wants to reform him, because he just wouldn’t want to deal with that

it’s not a toxic relationship, but pretty close to one

on again, off again ever since the two of you met in a dingy frat basement, absolutely hammered, and hooked up

this boy does not want to admit that he’s caught feelings, but eventually it comes to that because he is very much the jealous type

catches you engaging in polite conversation with reiner and he is seeing white in seconds

he realizes he has to make you his

marco bott

the most wholesome nursing major with a minor in english because he is a sucker for lit

i don’t think there is any shortage of girls who want to be with marco, just given how sweet and genuine he is

that being said, i feel like the few time he’s wanted to pursue a relationship with someone, they haven’t reciprocated/just saw him as a friend

which isn’t the easiest thing to deal with, but because he’s a mature angel, he doesn’t hold that against anyone

instead, he kind of succumbs to this false idea that people want to be his friend, and not his girlfriend, which he’s a little insecure about

that’s why i think you and marco would have idiot best friends to lovers, featuring everyone around you knowing how head over heels you both are except the two of you

you two meet in a particularly challenging class, and not recognizing anyone, you both turn to the friendliest face in the room to make study-buddies with

over a whole semester of late-night cramming (and talking), scribbling smiley faces on flashcards, and good luck texts before the exam, you realize how much you’re gonna miss constantly hanging out with marco

and on his end, he’s complaining to jean about how after the final, you two won’t have any reason to keep talking

“so ask her out then, you idiot”

“she probably doesn’t think of me like that…”

“are you blind?” jean says, with a roll of his eyes

after the class has ended and you’re both headed back home for winter break, you work up the nerve to text marco one last time

“let me know if you ever need help studying for another class :)”

you have no idea that he’s over the moon, and that finally brings an end to your friendship, and starts your relationship

bertholdt hoover

mister bertholdt is structural design and architecture major

there’s basically six of those total in your entire college, so he definitely gets a bit isolated/lonely sometimes

he basically came to college with reiner & annie, and figured he didn’t really need more friends than that

so when they’re busy, he’s just by himself

annie definitely makes fun of him for not spreading his wings and flying out of the metaphorical nest, but he’s comfortable with how it is

not a huge fan of the party scene, and prefers a quiet night of studying

i feel like you and him would be the last two studying in the library most nights, and sometimes walk out together after the librarian reminds you both the building is closing

so, when reiner and annie drag him to a party one weekend, he’s shocked to see you there too with outgoing friends of your own

he’s used to seeing you in the bright fluorescent lighting of the library, so this dim, hazy room after the shots have already gone to his head is hard to take in

you two eventually end up talking after your friends push you towards him

“funny seeing you here.” “i could say the same to you.”

he already has a crush (you do too, but he doesn’t want to accept that) so the alcohol inhibits his usual caution

a little bit of dancing, a lot of sitting on the pavement outside while looking at the moon, stars, and each other, topped off with a first-kiss starts your relationship

levi ackerman

teaching assistant levi is a staple of your college

almost infamous, really

you count your lucky blessings that he’s still a year or so away from graduating with his ph.d. in molecular biology and that he’s ta’ing this microbiology class

you’ve definitely heard all sorts of rumors, but you really don’t know what’s truth and fiction

he definitely hasn’t slept with a third of his students (right?) but the lingering way he looks at you isn’t helping quell your thoughts

technically speaking, teaching assistants and students are not allowed to date, interact, etc

until the semester in which you are their student is completed, at least

it doesn’t take long after that for you two to constantly run into each other

“how’re your new classes going? any hot ta’s?” he asks, sipping his tea from the bookstore cafe. you choke on your hot chocolate.

all this being said, you’re an upperclassmen about to graduate, possibly start a ph.d. or masters program yourself. i see him teaching upper-level courses exclusively.

it’s not long after that you admit your feelings to each other, since after all, there’s no time to waste

erwin smith

you’re a second year masters program in the history department. your specialization is military history, so of course professor smith is assigned as your thesis advisor.

i mean, he’s only written several textbooks on the subject

on first sight, you can’t believe he’s a professor. because certainly, this is a some cruel twist of fate. he’s closer to your age than some of his colleagues.

you both try to keep it strictly professional

at first least. this gets gradually harder and harder

there’s a certain chemistry there neither of you can deny.

having a mutual interest in the same subjects doesn’t help too much either. suddenly, you guys are spending hours pouring over topics for his next textbook and your thesis.

the conversation continues over chinese food in his office, long after the rest of the building has cleared out for their friday evenings

“well, i won’t keep you any longer. i’m sure you have much better plans on a friday night than talking military policy with me.”

“there is no where else i’d rather be.”

hope you all liked it! :)

[ghost-like-pale]

it's the little things

info: little things they do to keep you safe, healthy and well. 》 teenage reader, they/them 》 platonic + irl 》 0.7k words

warnings: themes of suicide/selfharm, mentions of toxic homes, lack of selfcare, comfort

a/n: a little different from my usual work, still hope you like it. sorry for the wait.

this blog it meant as a way of coping with trauma/mental issues, please don't report it. if you don't want to see what i write, please just block me.

——♤——

the sun beams nicely onto your skin, the light brightening up the streets and bodies that walked over it. the river mercilessly grabbed anything it touched. the rocks on the bottom were smoothened by the water that ran over it.

looking down, you see some kids stabbing sticks in said river - it only reaching a couple inches up the wood. dropping from where you stood to the bottom to the body of water would definitely-

"(y/n)?"

wilbur's voice sounded from about a foot away, making your head perk up. looking over your shoulder you see wilbur approaching the railing.

"what are we looking at?"

"the water."

he smiled and looked over at you, the kind expression he wore not faltering even though he knew what you were thinking.

"hm. well, we're going to a café. you're allowed to come with us if you'd like. or you can just keep staring at those young boys."

the remark got a chuckle out of you, pleasing the tall man beside you.

"café?"

"good idea."

"great. come on, we can't keep them waiting!"

you felt his hand snake around yours, intertwining the fingers and pulling you along and away from the railing.

"i heard they got apple pie."

such a simple request managed to keep the storm clouds away from your head, truly amazing.

"that sounds good."

—

tommy softly hummed a song as he approached the computer in front of him. the familiar desk with running programs welcome him as usual as he looks at his notifications and mentions. he responds to a few and laughs at many while taking a small bite of a biscuit he stole from downstairs.

reopening his discord messages he looked at his friends list. the glowing letters illuminated his already pale skin as he read one of the names.

'(y/n)'

he clicked on the icon and started typing.

'morning (y/n) have you eaten yet??'

he leaned back in his chair as he took another bite of his biscuit. after a few minutes he recieved a response. an image of a plate with breakfast with a small caption.

'i did :)'

the short message placed a small smile on tommy's face while he typed out a response.

'good job :D'

—

you nervously stood in front of the house, hoping they were still awake. you needed a break from your home. it was unbearable; your mother had been yelling at you for the past 5 minutes, you just couldn't take it. dream and sapnap always told you to call when something went wrong, but even calling them wouldn't solve your panic.

with sweaty palms you rang the doorbell. while tapping your foot without rythm you waited for what felt like hours. the sound of a lock being opened startled you as you picked at your nails.

"(y/n)?"

sapnap's groggy voice asked while looking at the smaller figure on the porch. your thin shirt didn't seem to keep you warm in the evening wind, prompting him to push you into the home's halls.

"i'll get dream, you go sit on the couch, okay?"

you nod and he hastily makes his way to the stairs. you make your way to the living room and plopping down on the cushions, folding your legs.

after waiting for the two to men for a couple minutes you heard two pairs of feet walking your direction. turning your head you see your friends emerging from the hall you were ushered in a few minutes prior.

"hi (y/n)."

dream greeted you while walking over to the couch. you give him a small smile as he sits next to you.

"you alright?"

"kind of. i just needed a break, really."

dream nodded, satisfied from your answer. he noticed your clothes weren't keeping you warm, causing him to take off his hoodie and handing it to you.

"put it on, you're cold."

giving him a small thank you, you pull the large hoodie over your head and slither your arms through the sleeves, the fabric covering your hands.

"d'you want anything, (y/n)? a drink? food?"

"no, thank you. i'm just very tired."

"good, so am i. because someone agressivey pulled me out of bed. at 1 am."

"hey! i did it because i was worried!"

the bickering between the two made you laugh, both of them noticing and eventually just laughing with you. nick fell onto the couch as well and threw an arm around your shoulders. leaning on his shoulder, you slowly fell into a deep slumber, surrounded by comfort and laughs.

——♤——

thank you for reading, hope you liked it ♡

masterlist

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Frigid.

Pairing: Yandere!Rosaria/Reader (Genshin Impact).

Word Count: 2.5k.

TW: Fem!Reader, Modern AU, Non-Con, Semi-Public Sex, Drug Use, Toxic Relationships, Victim-Blaming, Implied Past Assult, Dissociation.

Touching Rosaria was like touching ice.

Or, like having ice touch you, at least. She didn’t like it when you touched her – if she did, she wouldn’t have her hand clamped around your wrist, right now, there wouldn’t be a chill washing over your skin, inching towards your chest, making your heart beat a little faster every time the threat of frostbite began to seem more like a strong possibility than a distant fantasy. It was jarring, really, compared to the heat of the bodies around you, dancing and moving and sweltering, despite how crowded the club felt, despite how much you wished they would stop. You’d been the one who wanted to come, you were the one who usually liked this kind of thing, but suddenly, the music was too loud, everyone was too close, you could still feel your last drink burning at the back of your throat. It was all too much. It was all too hot.

Except Rosaria, of course. Never Rosaria.

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt warm, around her.

She was sticking close to the walls, thankfully. You were glad you’d chosen a smaller club, easier for Rosaria to navigate as she dragged you across the cramped space. It was too dark to see where she was going, darker than it usually was, but you didn’t mind letting her pull you along. You were used to it, the graceless way she pushed through couples and groups and inebriated patrons, the quiet apologies you let out as you followed her, how easy your own feet were to trip over as the bright, flashing lights and the sour flavor coating your tongue made it more and more difficult to think. It was almost a relief when she found what she was looking for – the side exit, the one you liked to use whenever you got too overwhelmed. It was sweet that she’d thought to use it tonight, too, even if you couldn’t remember telling her about your little escape route.

The alleyway it opened into was narrow, just as dark and just as stifling as the club, but the music wasn’t as loud, the air wasn’t as choking, and more importantly, you were able to collapse into Rosaria, burying your head in your chest as she caught you by the shoulders, begrudgingly accepting your clumsy affection. She didn’t like being touched, but you really liked touching her. It made sense that she’d make an exception for you, in the moment, at least. She always made an exception for you.

“Rosey,” You started, slurring the nickname into something near-incomprehensible. There was a tap to your shoulder, a row of blunt nails skirting across bare skin. In the back of your mind, you wondered if she was mad at you. “I can’t… It’s too warm, Rosey. My head hurts.”

“Obviously.” Her tone was lighter than it usually was, more playful. Not quite patient, not yet, but more sympathetic than she usually bothered to be. Like she was talking to a child, rather than a friend. Like the two of you hadn’t already done this a hundred times. “You overdid it, princess. You’re drunk.”

You shook your head, absent-mindedly. You didn’t feel drunk. You felt… dizzy. Out of it. Disoriented in such a way that meant trying to find out why you were struggling to keep your balance only made you more likely to fall. “You had more than I did,” You mumbled, because it was true. You knew how Rosaria could be. You’d wanted to be good, tonight, even if she claimed to be content nursing her third glass of wine. “’s not fair. I’m don’t even feel that—”

“You’re always so careless, too,” She said, cutting you off. Speaking over you, like you’d never said anything at all. Her grip tightened, and you backed away, pressing yourself against the nearest wall. Rosaria didn’t let go. “Drinking so much, staying out so late… It’s a miracle you haven’t learned your lesson, yet. I’m a little surprised no one’s ever taken advantage of you.”

Your heart dropped in your chest. The wall was unpainted, uneven, bare cement and little else. It hurt to touch, to lean against, especially with Rosaria resting her weight on you. It hurt to move, when you finally thought to fidget. “You're being mean,” You whispered, and her hand fell to your hip. Your dress was too thin, too tight. It felt like you were bleeding out in a snowbank. “Would someone really do that?”

“I would.” She was too close. She was too cold. You didn’t find the constant chill comforting, anymore. “In a heartbeat. Especially after you start acting like such a fucking tease.”

You wanted to go home. There was something pounding in the back of your skull, now, throbbing, blocking out whatever Rosaria might’ve said, making it impossible to process anything but the black dots fraying at the edges of your vision and Rosaria’s lips, chapped and painted red and on your neck, the corner of your jaw, only lingering for a moment before her teeth dug into your jugular and you screamed, the shrill sound immediately cut short by a palm against your mouth, keeping you quiet despite the little whimpers you let out as she pulled back, allowing something warm to run over your skin and pool near your collarbone. In the back of your mind, you wondered if it would get on your dress, if it would leave a stain. You wondered if she would apologize, when it did.

“Spoiled little brat,” She growled, nearly under her breath. Her grip loosened, Rosaria shifting, but any reprieve was short-lived, quickly replaced by two fingers pressed into your tongue and a row of nails clawing at your waist, pulling at your skirt, leaving you to gag and whimper as ice-cold fingertips dug into your thigh, cold enough to leave you trembling. She wasn’t holding you, not really, not tightly enough to call it restraint, but your body felt weak, your legs were shaking, and you couldn’t imagine trying to run. You couldn’t imagine trying to stand. You were almost thankful for the knee she forced between your thighs, for the trace of stability she thought to offer. You wanted to be thankful. You were trying to be thankful. “No talking, alright? I need you to keep quiet. Can you do that for me?”

Right. Obviously. Rosaria was so smart. She always knew what to do, so she must’ve been right, and she was so kind, too, letting her fingers slip out of your mouth as soon as you offered her the small, eager nod she was looking for. You were glad she was wearing leather, a jacket a size too big and pants that clung to her like a second skin – it gave you something tangible to hold onto, something to hide your face in, even if you hated the texture, the sound, the way it felt under you as she cupped your pussy and some thin piece of fabric tore, forcing you to shy into her just a little more. You almost asked why. If she didn't like your dress, she could’ve just told you. If she didn’t like you, she could’ve said so in a way that didn’t make you feel so…

So bad.

“You said you were hot.” Rosaria was talking before you could, though, explaining herself. Why was she allowed to talk? Part of you wavered, flickered, realized that she wasn’t being fair, that she wasn’t being nice, but Rosaria was good at this kind of thing. She must’ve known something you didn’t. That’d make sense. She knew a lot of stuff, compared to the handful of foggy ideas that separated your mind from total oblivion. “I’m just helping you out. You’re not stupid enough to turn down help, are you?”

You shook your head. You weren’t, even if she chuckled at your meek response, even if you couldn’t see how grinding her hand into your cunt could help you feel anything but hot, like you’d been in the sun for an hour too long. Like you were being burnt alive, and Rosaria was the one stoking the flames.

Your thoughts were spinning, now, twisting, spiraling, the need to shut your eyes and make it stop almost overshadowing the slick building up between your legs, that awful, sticky feeling that made you squirm, holding Rosaria tighter and attempting to weakly push her away at the same time. The embarrassment was palpable, that nagging sense of shame, only made worse by Rosaria’s huff of a laugh, by the lingering sensation of her teeth ghosting over your skin and the way you jolted into her, anything intelligent you might’ve said replaced by a small, submissive whimper. It was embarrassing. You wanted it to stop. You wanted her to stop.

But, she didn’t. She wouldn't. You couldn't force her to.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to ask.

It didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel like much of anything, honestly, as her fingers slipped below the black lace of your panties, as she toyed with your clit and drank in those pathetic sounds you might’ve thought someone else was making, if your own voice hadn’t been so recognizable. Your body was too numb, your nerves already too burnt, Rosaria’s chest too cold where it pressed against yours, like your life depended on little more than ice and sleet. It didn’t feel good, but your face must’ve been flushed, your pupils blown out, your scrunched expression littered with hints that you were in anything but agony. Rosaria sounded smug. She wouldn’t sound like that, not unless you gave her a reason to. She wouldn’t do that to you, not unless she thought you deserved it.

“For fuck’s sake,” She drawled, slowly, like she didn’t have anywhere better to be. She didn’t have anywhere better to be. She wouldn’t have bothered to spend time with you, otherwise. “You’re already so damn wet. If I’d known you’d be this needy, I wouldn't have bothered with the fucking pills.”

You opened your mouth, but you were barely able to get out a strangled cry before something was inside of you, your panties pushed to the side and two long fingers scissoring you open, too quickly, too suddenly, too violently. It was like she’d broken a dam, like some necessary barrier had been crossed and crushed, like everything you’d lacked, earlier, everything your mind had been merciful enough to block out came flooding in for the first time. There was the sting, tight and tearing and impatient, but there was pleasure, too, something beyond awareness, something beyond discomfort. It was a fire, smoldering and invasive, and you didn’t like it. You didn’t like the way your hips bucked to meet her hand, or the new weight behind your eyes, or her smirk, her smile, her self-satisfied sneer. You didn’t like that she was happy. You didn’t like that you were in pain, and she was happy. If you were being honest with yourself, you might’ve been able to admit you didn’t like Rosaria at all, right now.

“S-Stop, Rosey, it hurts—” She had a pattern, now, a tangible pace, a vengeance you wished you'd never provoked. She must’ve hated you. She must’ve. You couldn’t think of another reason she’d curl her fingers like that, another reason she’d abuse every sensitive spot that made you whine and tremble and tense-up, another reason she’d be so mean, especially to you, especially now, especially here. It wouldn’t even matter if you made noise, if you cried out, if you screamed. It couldn’t be louder than your rapid heartbeat, your racing pulse, the wet clicks that only got worse as Rosaria slipped a third finger in and left you to clench around her, too humiliated to care about the slight pain. “Please, I don’t wanna—”

“What did I say about talking?” She was being cold again, ruthless, but it was a playful sort of cruelness, her tone just lilted enough to make you feel guilty for trying to convince yourself she was such a monster. “You don’t want to what? Sit pretty and let me do all the work? Stand there and cum?” There was a laugh, a flick of her wrist, and the heel of her hand came up to grind against your clit. Instantly, you wished you’d never said anything at all. “Do it. Make yourself useful, for once. Cum.”

You didn’t want to. You really, really, really didn’t want to, but there was nothing you could do to stave it off, to get away from it, to keep your knees from buckling or your body from going rigid or Rosaria from kissing you, stifling the breathy moan that threatened to spill out between choked sobs and quiet pleas for her to stop. At least she was gentle about it, as gentle as she could be, pointed canines barely cutting at your lips, a cloud of lingering cigarette smoke barely choking you, her touch barely forceful enough to bruise, as she cupped your cheek with her free hand, tilting your head back and encouraging you to lean into the gesture.

It was almost sweet, how she lingered, how she didn’t pull away until after the aftershocks had faded, until you’d stopped trying to resist, until you were too tired to do anything but collapse into her when she let you go, catching you the moment you threatened to fold into yourself. It was a small mercy. You didn’t want to spend the rest of the night on the ground, sobbing yourself to sleep in some dark, claustrophobic alley. You didn’t want to do that. You didn’t want to be here.

You just wanted to be with Rosaria. You just wanted to be anywhere else, with her.

“Rosey,” you tried, testing the waters. You tried to blink, to stand up on your own, but your eyelids felt heavy, you felt heavy. Rosaria only hummed, in response, snaking an arm around your waist. Already, you were struggling to remember why you couldn’t stand. You were struggling to remember why it hurt so much, when you tried to. “I… I’m not having fun, anymore. Can we go home?”

“You’re lucky I like you, princess.” You were. She was such a good friend, and she always came out drinking with you, and she always took care of you the day afterward, too, when you were sore and hungover and, more often than not, too bruised and battered to get out of bed. Even if the kiss she pressed into the top of your head made you shiver, even if the ghost of her icy breath made your skin crawl, even if a part of you was still begging to keep her at a distance, you were lucky to have her. You were thankful you had her, thankful enough to ignore how low her hands dipped as she held you up, thankful enough to stop yourself from thinking about the slick dripping down your thighs, and the cut on the side of your neck, and the chalk coating your tongue, tasteless and unremarkable, but not completely unfamiliar.

Thankful enough to look up at her and smile, as she finally sapped away the last of your warmth.

“Let’s go home.”

[sanzu-sanzu-sanzu]

songs about toxic people 7*

Sanzu Haruchiyo X Reader

Summary: In which you are Bonten’s No. 2 and Sanzu is No. 3. Almost ten years of being stuck working together means you’re both bound to pick up on each other’s idiosyncrasies, yeah?

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*IMPORTANT NOTE: this is more like an interlude/bonus chapter actually centering more on misc bonten x reader Gen! interactions. it still ties in with the whole story, it’s just there’s less to zero sanzu in this one cus the focus will be more on the other bonten haha, so if you’re here exclusively for sanzu x reader, you may skip this if you like! 😬  

it’s just i got these headcanons that idk what to do with and also they are somewhat short 😭

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chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6

chapter 7: We may not be a perfect family but we love each other (until we don’t) - koko

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Koko thinks of cats when he thinks of you; partly from the circumstances of your first meeting, partly ‘cause of the way you sort of simply glide in and out of rooms quietly with the stealth and fluidity of one.

(Although Sanzu had insisted he thought more of ghosts and wraiths, a comment which Koko only made light of even though he wasn’t wrong.)

She even kinda fights like a feline, he’d told Inupi one time all those years ago, as he thought of the way your lithe and minimal movements were always able to take bigger guys down along with the quiet ferocity to match.

Maybe she learns from all the cats back in the shrine, Inupi responded—a joke, essentially, in his own terms. Koko suppressed a smile: cat and dog, you and her, maybe that’s why you two get along so well went his own, sad attempt at humor, because you and your second-in-command were obviously very close and very unlike cats and dogs. The joke, however, sadly did not seem to land, and Inupi’s forehead only creased, his expression dumbfounded.

That’s not how it works.

Koko never forgets the day you were first introduced by Mikey. It’s at the back of Toman’s abandoned shrine, at the edge of the thick forest surrounding the area, that their new leader had said they’ll be meeting Black Dragon’s temporary captain. He never specified what anyone would be doing in the forest at this hour in the afternoon, and neither him nor Inupi had asked, but then there you were: in your bare feet and in your school uniform, attempting to move a big pot of plant from one spot of land to another, your expression almost annoyed. (At the pot, most likely, which did not seem to budge.)

Mikey called your attention still a few meters afar:

“Hey. Whatcha up to—”

in a tone that very clearly did not seem to intend to place whatever you were up to above this particular Toman business at the moment, so really, it would not have made any difference whether you answered or not. Which you didn’t, only glancing at your president once—not with the angry expression, at least—before continuing with your ordeal.

The pot nudged just a tiny bit.

Only when Mikey finally stopped right in front of you and you noticed Koko’s and Inupi’s figures behind him did you finally stand straight, looking at Mikey quizzically. “What’s up?” Quick nods to Inupi and him. “Hello.”

Mikey briefly introduced all of you and proceeded to explain that you were to be formally placed as the Black Dragon’s new captain today, to which your eyes slightly widened.

“Oh, I thought you said tomorrow.”

Mikey hesitated at first but then shrugged. “Hm, they came here already today so I thought might as well. Come on, it’ll be quick.”

You narrowed your eyes at him and then to his two quiet companions but then so agreed anyway, and as Mikey ushered you in front nobody else aside from Koko seemed to notice your lack of shoes. You’d only taken a few steps ahead when you tugged at the sleeve of Mikey’s coat, making him pause.

“I don’t have my Toman jacket,” which was obvious but was not what Koko was expecting for you to say, if he were to be honest.

Mikey looked at you blankly. “Well, where is it?”

“Well, something happened to it,” was your only vague response, but then you turned your head to where you just came from making all three boys follow suit. On a wooden bench slightly obscured by the plants were a family of cats consisting of a mother and her kittens, all sleeping peacefully in a cozy pile on top of your balled up Toman jacket.

“Oh. Okay.” Mikey only nodded like he completely understood. Without thinking about it twice, Sano Manjiro, Tokyo Manji gang’s No. 1—feared around the streets of Tokyo, bowed to no one and stepped over everyone—took off his billowing Toman coat and draped it over your shoulders. “Here, you can borrow mine,” he simply said. “I mean, you gotta look the part.”

Your mouth stretched into a grin.

Beside him, Inupi gave Koko a quick, wordless glance accompanied by that tiny, upward curve on the corner of his mouth that anyone else could’ve missed. Inupi rarely smiled at anything anymore those days—perhaps one of the reasons why this singular, initial meeting had stuck in his mind all these years. It’s one of those memories Koko always thought he could probably live without, occupying a quiet little corner in his mind which, frankly, a much more practical or life-changing memory could have occupied, if it were up to him. But then there you were with your cats and your air of schoolgirl abandon making Inupi smile, an information that he simply didn’t know what to do about.

“Alright, boss. But please, no speeches.”

This made Mikey laugh. “Can’t promise you that, I’m sorry.” It’s only after a few more steps that Mikey did finally notice your bare feet.

“Where the hell are your shoes?”

“Oh, they got wet,” you quietly said. “I was playing with the cats…” and three pairs of eyes stared at you like it wasn’t enough of an answer. “With a hose. Manjiro, I was watering the plants.”

And so you stood atop the shrine steps while addressing the men from Black Dragons, your feet bare and covered in scratches and the Toman president’s much bigger coat over your shoulders. Nobody questioned the absence of shoes—at least not out loud—not with your leader Manjiro right by your side, in his flip flops holding a half-eaten taiyaki in one hand.

The memory comes unannounced in snips and pieces some years later as another Bonten meeting ends. There’s various movements around the table by now, but then Koko catches your undivided staring as you sat across from him, your chin propped up against one hand. He ignores you for a short while as he fixes his things, until he finally decides to look up.

“Anything wrong?”

You suddenly purse your lips in a small smile amidst the gloomy and rigid air of mid-morning Monday meetings and for a moment, it’s as if Koko is thinking of another memory.

“I just realized you kinda look like my Mr. Kaku,” is all you say. The little remark makes not-your Kakucho look up from the document he’s reading without really turning his head, while Rindou who is seated beside you squints—in curiosity or amusement, Koko can’t tell. From his own right side, Takeomi is slowly angling his head as if meaning to take a better look at Koko behind his curtain of silver hair.

Mr. Kaku, of course, is your pet cat, the one with the smooth silver fur that you’d rescued from an abandoned site during an out-of-town business trip some months ago. You and your unimaginative pet naming sense landed on “Mr. Kaku,” in honor of your then-partner Kakucho who had volunteered to keep the cat inside his bag thru the doors of the hotel that didn’t allow pets. But he looks nothing like Kaku, Manjiro had quipped, earning a few grunts of approval from your ever-biased circle, but you couldn’t have been bothered so you stuck with the name.

Koko is quick to decipher that in your-speak, cat comparisons are more or less compliments and never a form of insult—not that in your mid-20s, you all haven’t already gotten above petty verbal affronts, after all. So he humors you, eyes now back to his things but with his attention still on the matter at hand. “What, is it the hair?”

“Yeah, it’s the hair,” Rindou says before you can answer, his head lolling lazily on one shoulder. “Can’t believe no one had noticed before.”

“And the eyes,” you simply nod. “They both got these nice, sharp eyes.”

Would you have named him Mr. Koko if you thought he resembled Kokonoi before? is the one lingering question that none of the men around you bother to ask.

It’s only a couple of weeks later, after another Bonten meeting, when Koko hands you a souvenir from his weekend business trip: a red cat collar with a customized pendant, a tiny enamel engraving of your Bonten tattoo. The pendant is black on one side and gold on the other, and the small gasp you let out makes every head in the room turn—the almost unfamiliar, genuine sound of delight thawing the usual morning’s stern atmosphere.

“There’s a shop right across the hotel where they make rush engravings like that.” Koko is saying casually like it’s no big deal, but he sees the expression on your face and he can’t help but grin. “Thought Mr. Kaku might like it.”

Your eyes perk up at the mention of ‘Mr. Kaku’ like Koko is the first person to ever acknowledge that Mr. Kaku doesn’t need to be named anything else apart from ‘Mr. Kaku.’ “Oh, it’s perfect, Koko. I’ll send you pictures once I make him wear it,” you say, your attention instantly back to your hands, choosing to ignore his ‘I think just one picture might be enough.’

From the other end of the room, Sanzu is making his way towards the door. “Congratulations,” he smirks as he passes by behind you, quirking one eyebrow up at Koko. “Now she won’t be shutting up about it all weekend,” because Sanzu will be spending the next three days with you over in another city to conduct business with another drug scion, of course.

Across the table, Kakucho only sighs before shaking his head. “I still wish you could’ve picked a better name for your cat,” he says—a valid complaint, Koko thinks bemusedly, now that your own Mr. Kaku looks more like a feline version of himself.

chapter 8 >

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this one goes out to my closest friends the ones who make me feel less alien

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