#also I’m taking a semi break from social media

[crystaljelly64]

So I finished this for yesterday’s prompt, even though I’d be working on it for a while but here, have the boys as goldfish merms (Yesterday’s word was Goldfish, so yeah)

Steven likes to collect cool rocks, Marc and Jake like to find some for him every now and then :)

(I feel like I have to clarify that goldfish do not survive in the ocean, so like, imagine them living in a lake somewhere, I guess, idk)

[allur1ngs]

✮ bloody knuckles ✮

TW: angst to fluff!! i know the summary seems like pure angst but i swear its not! semi-graphic violence? , guns, kidnapping, bada and reader get into an argument, reader acts naively and a bit selfishly (but it’s okay, she’s young and makes up for it in the end), bada still having beef w your bodyguard, protective!bada, cold!bada (this time to you too…), violent & frusterated!bada, brief mentions of sexual activity (inc…toys, ass, boobs… sorry), use of the word unnie (about six or so times) brief mentions of drugs, a creepy woman, and a surprise character from the previous installment! 

SUMMARY: breaking bada’s three rules for a night of partying backfires in ways you could’ve never imagined. now, you have to deal with the consequences of your lies

part iv. succumb (to me)

WC: 12.5k… get some popcorn y’all this is a long one

A/N: read this and this for more background on this au. i’m sure there are a ton of mistakes sprinkled throughout this fic so please ignore them, this took me so long to write and i just want to put it out on time… i promise i’ll edit it once i get the chance😭

DISCLAIMER: all characteristics portrayed are purely speculation and fiction, they are not meant to reflect bada or team bebe’s actual character, values, or attitudes. please keep this in mind!!

On an inconspicuous Thursday night, when a heat wave had just hit Seoul, you lounged in your lavish bed—free from sheets—scrolling through social media.

Pictures of cute animals and food fill your feed, making you smile down at your screen. You are about to like a particularly cute picture of a cat when a notification banner stops you midway. Your eyes flicker to the top of the screen, finding a message from your best friend, Jae Hwang.

Clicking on the notification, you're transferred into your messages app, and Jae’s text fills your screen. “Unnie, I haven’t seen you in so long!! Please come to the party I’m throwing tomorrow so we can catch up and have some fun~!"

Your lips fall open in mild surprise as you instinctively sit up. A party? You text Jae back quickly, asking the reason for the party and where it will be held.

“At my house, of course! We’re all gathering to celebrate your engagement!”

Your engagement… so your parents really hadn’t wasted any time spreading the good news. You’d barely been living with Bada for a month, and they’d already informed your friends. You shake your head and sigh rather loudly. Bada would greatly disapprove of your parents' loose lips. She preferred her privacy, not only for protection but also because she liked people staying out of her business. That much you could tell from the little time you’d had to get to know her.

Shifting your focus back to Jae’s unanswered text, you contemplate attending the party or skipping out. Though they were technically throwing it in your honor, they should have let you know beforehand instead of asking you the night before the party. You felt well within your rights to refuse, but a nagging thought holds you back.

What would you do instead? Technically, you had no plans on Friday night—or Friday at all for that matter. Saturday neither… nor Sunday. Really, you never had plans anymore. Since staying with Bada, you mostly remained inside the Lee mansion, either lounging by the large infinity pool, taking a dip in your personal Jacuzzi, or perhaps enjoying a film in the theater room on the second floor.

Or, if you wanted to leave home, you would be escorted by your bodyguard to certain malls, grocery stores, or establishments. All of which were either managed by Bada or by one of her partners. She made it clear to you from the start that going places not protected by one of her subordinates would be dangerous.

"I have connections to half the establishments in Seoul," she had muttered to you. It's incredible that despite the implications of the words falling from her mouth, Bada had a way of saying things so humbly. She didn't sound like she was boasting—though you wouldn't fault her if she was. "I bet some of the markets you entered when you were a child were run by my family, and you'd never have known."

You’d try your best to conceal your amazement at her confession, but the glow in your eyes was as clear as day to Bada. “And what about the rest?”

She let out a quiet breath, saying, "The rest are mostly run by rival gangs. Almost no stores or establishments are free of mafia influence. Not anymore, at least." Seeing the way your eyes shifted from bright to slightly apprehensive, she pushed her chair back and rose, walking around her desk before leaning on it and clutching onto its edges. "There's no need to worry about them. As long as you stay in areas where my people are, you are safe." Her hand came down to rest politely on your thigh, patting it in a comforting manner.

Her words made your stomach flutter with butterflies, and a giddy smile instinctively formed on your lips. For someone who claimed to want to avoid fostering romantic affection between you both, Bada seemed to be doing the exact opposite.

Before you could lose yourself in the tenderness of the memory, you climb out of bed, having made your decision. Because you barely left home as it is, what harm is there in going to a party? A party organized in your honor, no less. It’s a rare occasion, and truthfully, you miss Jae and the rest of your girlfriends. You haven’t seen them in over a month and texted them sparingly during that time. To be fair, it was mostly your fault—you were much too focused on getting to know Bada and adjusting to your new way of life to strike up conversations with them.

You nod your head firmly as if the action will help build your confidence before you grab onto the handle of your bedroom door and slowly open it. Standing to your right, the figure of your bodyguard, Hyo Kim, immediately greets you on the other side. She turns to face you, her black-tinted sunglasses obstructing your view of her eagle eyes.

“What are you doing up so late?” She says lightheartedly.

“Do you know if Bada is still awake?” You ask. “I wanted to ask her something.”

Hyo lifts her arm up, pushing aside the fabric of her suit to reveal a golden watch. She gazes down at it, pretending to think long and hard. “The Boss should be awake for about…” she trails off playfully, “another four hours.”

You chuckle under your breath, “I didn’t even need to ask, did I?”

“Not at all.” Hyo shakes her head while smirking.

“Alright then,” you clasp your hands together tightly, “I’m going to go see Bada.”

Hyo gestures ahead of you with her hand. “I’ll follow your lead.”

You nod quickly before advancing forward, her trailing close behind. You can’t lie; it was strange to have someone following after you almost every second of the day in the beginning. You remember that at the beginning of your stay at Lee mansion, you kept forgetting that Hyo was following you—she has the tendency to be extremely quiet when focused—and were jump-scared by her multiple times. You’d round corners and suddenly hear one of her heavier footsteps behind you, making you jump and your heart practically leap out of your chest.

At some point, you swear she started doing it on purpose, enjoying the look of fear you gave her when you jumped. Eventually, though, you started to grow used to her constantly lingering presence and even grew comfortable around her. Somewhere along the way, you’d both gotten to know each other more, and a slow but harmonious friendship grew.

“So, what are you going to ask the Boss about?” Hyo’s low and blithe voice cuts through the silence.

“Oh,” you begin, “my friend asked me to meet her and some of my other friends tomorrow night.”

“Really?” Hyo comments, her voice dripping with an emotion you can’t quite decipher.

“Yes,” you affirm. “I wanted to ask Bada if it’s okay for me to visit her.”

Hyo hums under her breath in acknowledgment. “She’ll appreciate that.”

“I hope so.” You smile lightly to yourself. “I just thought that since you follow me wherever I go, she’d find out either way, and I might as well get her thoughts on it.”

“Not to crush your hopes and dreams, kid, but I doubt she’ll say yes.” Hyo remarks.

“Really?” You pause and turn around to face her, a frown forming on your lips.

“The Boss values your safety more than anything else,” Hyo shrugs. “Meeting people she isn’t familiar with puts you at risk.”

“But they’re my friends.” You push back lightly.

“I get that, but like I said, the Boss only cares about keeping you safe.” Hyo raises her hands up in defeat.

You deflate at her words, acknowledging that she’s most likely right. After all the events that’d taken place in the span of a single month, you honestly wouldn’t hold it against Bada to be cautious of where you go. But at the same time, you can’t help but feel mild resentment at the fact that you aren’t even allowed to see your friends.

“Hey,” Hyo frowns at you like a scolding sister. “Don’t be discouraged. You haven’t even asked her yet. You never know; she just might say yes.”

You pick your head up at her words, slowly but surely nodding back. “Yeah, you’re right.” And with that, you continue walking down the corridor to Bada’s office until you reach the dark mahogany wood of her door. Lightly rapping on it, there’s a period of silence before you hear the low tenor of her voice speak up.

“Lusher, if you’re coming to ask me if I’ve finished the paperwork for POSCO’s deal, for the millionth time the answer is no, I haven’t.” Bada’s disgruntled voice makes you laugh to yourself, and you immediately bring your hand up to cover your mouth as you grin widely.

“Is now a bad time to see you, then?” You answer back cheekily.

You receive no response for a solid minute before the sound of papers rustling loudly and approaching footsteps reaches your ears. The door to Bada’s office opens, and there she stands in all her glory, looking rather flustered. “Sorry. I thought you were Lusher.”

You smile at Bada while shaking your head. “It’s alright. Can I come in?”

“Of course.” She steps aside, making room for you to walk into her office while she holds the door open for you. You say a quick thank you as pass through the threshold, missing how Bada lets the door swing closed behind her and shuts out Hyo. “So, is there a reason why you’re visiting me? It’s very late into the night; I expected you to be asleep already.”

“Well, I was about to go to sleep, but I got a text from Jae—” you pause upon seeing her frown. “my best friend.”

Bada nods in acknowledgment, moving toward a chair and pushing it back, gesturing for you to sit down. You do so, trying to ignore the nervous tension building in the pit of your stomach.

“Yeah, she invited—” you pause, choosing your next words carefully. Phrasing Jae’s invitation as a party would most likely mean Bada wouldn't let you go. So, if you just tweaked your wording a bit to make the party seem less extreme… it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, right? “she invited me to a get-together between friends.”

“A get-together?” Bada questions, folding her hands across her lap as she leans on the edge of her office table. “For what purpose?”

“Just to catch up and… celebrate our engagement.” You gesture between you both, immediately noticing how Bada’s expression shifts, her lips pressing into a thin line.

“They know of our engagement?” She asks.

“Yes,” you sigh. “I guess my parents couldn’t keep their excitement in check.”

“Your parents.” Bada shakes her head, pinching her nose-bridge tiredly. “I’ll have to have a word with them about that.”

“Please do.” You nod rapidly. “But aside from that, what I wanted to ask you was if I could be escorted to the get-together tomorrow night?”

Bada moves her gaze from the floor to your eyes, removes her hand from her face, and gives you a hesitant expression. “I don’t know… after all the incidents recently…” she trails off, a faraway look finding her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to feel like you’re a prisoner in your own home, or that you can’t see your friends, I just want you to be safe.”

“I get that, I really do, Bada, but this is just a small get-together.” You lie between your teeth.

Bada stays quiet, looking to be considering your words. ���And you trust your friends, right?”

“I do.”

Bada lets out a light breath, while a small smile finds her lips. “All right then, you can go.”

“Really?” You give her a shocked look before you snap out of it and practically squeal, jumping up from your chair and instinctively wrapping your arms around Bada’s shoulders in a hug. “Thank you so much!”

Bada freezes in her spot, surprised by your affection. Slowly, a warm, sappy feeling builds at the bottom of her stomach, and her hands, which had been propped up in the air stiffly, gently come down to rest against your back, patting it tenderly. “You’re welcome.” She tries not to think about how lovely you feel against her or the allure of your natural scent.

You spend all Friday preparing for the party, choosing your makeup beforehand, your jewelry, shoes, and of course, your dress—a beautiful wine-red ensemble that you’d picked up on your shopping trip with Bada. She’d chosen it for you—claiming, “This dress would look beautiful on you.” The meaning behind her words, that it wasn’t the dress that was beautiful, but instead your figure that would make it look divine, had struck you in that moment.

If Bada wanted you to wear the dress, you’d buy it in a heartbeat.

For the little hours left you have in the day, you try not to get too giddy thinking of the party or how magnificent you’ll look in the dress, instead trying to busy yourself by catching up on one of your favorite TV shows. But when the milky raven sky begins to take over the horizon, you jump off of the couch, rushing to your room, leaving Hyo to scramble after you.

In your bedroom, you sit down at your antique-styled vanity, your makeup laid out in front of you. You begin prepping your skin before beginning your usual routine. It takes you a slightly longer time for you to finish because you’re being incredibly meticulous, but by the end of it, you look amazing. Before you can get distracted, you quickly dress yourself.

As your fingers curl around the clasp of your teardrop diamond earrings and secure them in place, you take a step back to gaze at yourself in your floor-length mirror.

The win-red dress hugs your body, accentuating every favorable feature of it. A similar dark rouge to your dress is blended across your eyelids in a smoky eye, making the color of your eyes pop in contrast. Your lips, fixed into a slight pout, are glossy and soft, tinted with a color of your choice. Taking your look all together, all you can say is that Bada was right—the dress does look beautiful on you.

A knock on your bedroom door startles you, your hand instinctively flying to your chest. "Hello?" You respond, a bit on edge.

"It's me. Can I come in?" Bada's voice, muffled behind the door, reaches you.

"Yes," you reply, hastily adjusting your dress and double-checking your appearance.

Bada enters just as your hands fall to your sides, her gaze immediately scanning your figure. She appraises you, from collarbones to legs, before fixing her eyes on your chest for a lingering moment.

Suppressing a nervous giggle, you greet her, "Hi, Bada."

Her eyes quickly snap up to meet yours, a sheepish cough escaping her mouth. "Hello."

Standing awkwardly by the door, Bada stares at you for a solid minute before you give a lighthearted smile. "Is there something you needed?"

"Uhh, no. Well, actually..." Bada stumbles over her words, closing her eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry, yes. I wanted to see you before you left."

You release a small breath of understanding before a cheeky thought crosses your mind. Walking closer to Bada, you do a little twirl when you reach her. "So, what do you think?"

Bada exhales while chuckling, her nervousness leaving her. "I think you are the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon."

Out of shock, you remain still, surprised by how unabashedly Bada expressed her thoughts. You expected a simple compliment, but she exceeded your expectations. "Really?" You ask quietly, sensing a shift in the room's atmosphere. An air of intimacy and something more sensual makes your skin prickle and breath hitch.

"Of course. There's no one I could think of that could make that dress look so stunning." Bada looks back at you with a serious and genuine expression.

"Bada..." you trail off, immediately thinking of countless other women who could wear the dress better. Supermodels, actresses—

"I think there's just one simple thing that would finish off the look." Bada's voice brings you back, and you give her a questioning stare. She smiles, her hand digging into her pocket before presenting you a sleek black box. Your confusion deepens as she opens it, revealing the most elegant necklace you've ever seen. Matching teardrop diamonds, akin to those on your earrings circle the chain, glittering against the low bedroom light. At the center, a silver locket shaped like a dainty heart ties it all together.

You stare at the necklace in awe, alternating between Bada's eyes and the exquisite piece of jewelry. "Bada, it's beautiful."

She watches you marvel at it, sparkles dancing in your eyes. Giving you a fond look, she nudges the box closer. "Take it."

Hesitating for a brief second, you gently retrieve the necklace. "Wow," you breathe out, fully admiring its beauty now that it’s free from the box.

"You should put it on," Bada encourages you softly.

“Oh, I shouldn’t—” you protest.

“I insist,” she cuts you off, tucking the box back into her pocket. She steps forward, taking the necklace from your hands and moving behind you. “Here, let me.” She places it across your collarbones and brings the clasp together, her long fingers brushing across your skin. 

Her touch ignites a spark, but as quickly as it appeared, her fingers are gone. She steps back, placing her hands on your waist to move you back so that you’re facing your mirror again. But this time, Bada's at your side, admiring how exquisite you look.

 “Absolutely perfect,” she whispers into your ear.

The warmth from her touch lingers as you stare at Bada through the mirror. “Thank you.” You bask in the comfortable silence in the room for a moment before speaking up again. “Can I ask, did you buy this?”

Bada places her hands atop your shoulders, a soft, wistful look finding her irises. “It was my mother’s.”

Immediately, you whip around to face her, your mouth wide open in mortification, and your eyes the size of saucers. “Bada, why didn’t you tell me?” Your hands frantically try to find the clasp of the necklace, wanting to take it off. “Here—”

“No.” Bada’s hands find yours, holding them and stopping you from removing the jewelry. “Don’t take it off.”

“But Bada, this was your mom’s—”

“And I want you to have it,” Bada states firmly.

“I can’t—”

“Are you rejecting my gift?” Although her words sound accusatory, when you look into her eyes, there’s a glint of amusement in them.

You let out a huff of defeat. “Fine.”

Bada smirks proudly, removing her hands from yours. “Good.”

After bidding farewell to Bada, Hyo swiftly whisks you away to a black Jeep, one that, according to her, is "much more secure than a sports car." Seated in the front, she drives and engages in casual conversation while you relax in the back. You take the opportunity to share stories about each of your best friends—Jae, the liveliest, Da-Eun, the second oldest, Min-Ji, the oldest, and Ryung, the youngest and most timid. Hyo listens attentively, interjecting with comments or laughter at your anecdotes.

“You all seem to be very close,” she remarks, steering the wheel to the left.

“Yeah, we are. We’ve known each other since childhood, and our parents are all friends,” you reply.

“Those types of friends… you should hold onto them,” Hyo advises. “In this line of business, it’s hard to find someone you can trust as much as you four trust each other.”

You gaze at your bodygaurd through the rear-view mirror, sensing the weight behind her words. "Hyo?" You inquire.

"Yeah?"

"Does Bada find it hard to trust other people?"

Her lips tighten, an audible exhale leaving her nose. "She hasn't fully placed her trust in anyone since the day Mrs. Lee died."

A somber atmosphere envelops the car, akin to a bucket of ice-cold water. You shift in your seat uncomfortably, your heart aching at the thought of the pain Bada must have endured when her mother was killed. "Bada was still young when she passed, wasn’t she?"

"Fifteen," Hyo nods. "Barely beginning her climb towards adulthood."

A stark silence follows after, and the rest of the car ride is silent, filled only with the quiet hum of the Jeep’s engine and the sounds of passersby. It's not uncomfortable, but rather solemn, as if you and Hyo are silently mourning Mrs. Lee's memory.

Fifteen minutes later, Hyo's driving slows as she turns into a large house—though noticeably smaller than your shared one with Bada, of course. The GPS on the tablet beeps, signaling your arrival at the destination. "We’re here," her voice rings through the background noise.

You turn away from the window you’d been gazing out of, a smile forming on your lips at the sight of Jae’s house. Out of your group, Jae always had the most luxurious home, because though all of you came from affluent families, Jae's parents were the wealthiest. Well, it seemed like now the dynamic had changed. Once you and Bada are officially wed, your combined wealth will likely rival all of theirs combined.

"How long do you think you’ll be staying?" Hyo asks.

"I'd like to say it won't take that long, but knowing my friends, I might be here all night," you admit.

"Alright." Hyo parks the Jeep in the driveway, exits, then moves to open your door. You offer a quiet thank you as she helps you step out, mindful of the relatively short length of your dress.

Leading the way to Jae's house, you pause before knocking. Judging by the time, it seems you arrived slightly early, which in party terms means very early. Fortunately, that likely means no other partygoers are here yet, as evidenced by the absence of parked cars in the driveway.

"Actually, Hyo?" you turn back to face her, a sheepish look on your face. "Could you maybe… wait outside?"

Your bodyguard raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on you."

"I know that, but I think the girls will be thrown off by the fact that you’ll just be standing there… watching us the entire night." Though your reasoning is somewhat woven with lies, it's also partly true.

Hyo remains silent, giving you an unimpressed look. "I have a job to do."

"Technically, you can do it from out here," you weakly argue. "Please, I want to feel like a normal person again. Like my life isn’t constantly at risk, and I always need to be monitored."

Although you can’t see the look Hyo’s giving you behind her sunglasses, you notice her posture deflating, and her shoulders falling. She releases a defeatist breath, "Fine, I’ll keep an eye out from here."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" You express with a grateful smile.

"Yeah, yeah, never say I haven’t done anything for you," Hyo grumbles. "Oh, and don’t forget I have your location on my phone, so don’t even think about sneaking out because I’ll know."

"I wouldn’t dare," you joke.

"Right…" your bodyguard trails off. "I’ll be waiting in the car. If you need anything, just call or text me, and I’ll be out in an instant."

"Yup, thanks!" You give Hyo a thumbs up, and with that, she retreats back to the Jeep. You watch her go, a sudden wave of guilt crashing over you.

She'd probably be much more comfortable in Jae’s house, sitting down or enjoying the air conditioning, rather than waiting for countless hours in the Jeep while you gossip and talk to your friends. But you're in too deep now. You can’t tell her the truth or let her in, or she’ll whisk you away back to the mansion, and all your white lies will have been for naught.

Biting your lip, you cast one last look at Hyo before knocking on the front door. Silence greets you for a few minutes before you hear shuffling approach the door, and it opens. Jae’s face greets you on the other side, her eyes immediately sparkling at the sight of you.

"Oh my god!" She squeals, bringing you into a hug and squeezing you tight. "I’m so glad you’re here!" She rocks back and forth in the hug, making you laugh giddily. "I missed you so much!" When she pulls back, she’s wearing a pout across her red-tinted lips. "Don’t ghost me for a month again, okay? Or I’ll steal you away from your wife!"

"I missed you too," you say fondly. "But we’re not married yet—"

"Oh, come on, you’re engaged to Bada Lee! You’re married in every sense except legally." Jae rolls her eyes playfully, though they stray a bit before landing on something—or rather, someone—behind you. "Who’s that?" She points at the Jeep, where Hyo is sitting in the front seat, trying not to look like she's watching you.

"That’s Hyo Kim, my bodyguard."

"Your bodyguard?" Jae awes before pouting. "Why am I even surprised? Of course, Bada Lee would have her fiancée under lock and key." Jae grabs your hand, giving it a light squeeze before her expression shifts, a sly smile curving her lips. "So tell me, have you two done it yet? Is she dominant? Is she more of a boobs girl or an ass girl—"

"Jae!" You shout, eyes wide and voice full of mortification. "Are you serious right now?"

"Come on, tell me! I want to know all the stuff you haven’t told me over the past month. You owe it to me!" She whines.

You let out a long sigh. You suppose this is your karma for unintentionally ignoring your best friend for so long. "At least invite me in first, Jae. Don’t you have any manners?" You lightly scold her.

"Oh, right." She looks behind her, realizing that while she’s inside her home, you’re still outside the threshold, waiting for her to invite you in. She looks like she’s about to take a step back so you can enter before she pauses, a thoughtful expression crossing her features. "Wait, does she use toys—"

"Alright, that’s enough!" You push Jae further into her house and step inside, swinging the door shut rather loudly behind you.

Once inside, you scold her for a solid five minutes straight about manners before the two of you properly greet each other and begin a normal, casual conversation—thankfully with no mention of your and Bada’s sexual activity, or lack thereof. Instead, you're practically interrogated by Jae about every aspect of your life with Bada while you help her finish setting up for the party.

You stack up red solo cups, place beers into multiple coolers, and set out chasers. Thankfully, it doesn’t take much for the two of you to finish, and once you do, you simply lounge around a bit. Jae takes the break as an opportunity to compliment how amazing you look in your dress.

"Is that Chanel?" She asks, motioning for you to do a spin.

"Yes." You nod, doing as she wishes. "Bada picked it out for me."

"I bet she’s regretting her decision right now." Your friend giggles. "No one’s going to be able to resist you tonight!"

"Jae, stop exaggerating." You laugh.

Your lighthearted conversation continues until slowly but surely, party guests begin to arrive. They come in small waves, all dressed much more elegantly than the average partygoer. You assume they must be some of Jae’s rich friends that you’ve heard about only in passing because you don’t recognize some of them. The thought sends a small prickle of worry to the back of your mind, but you choose to ignore it for now. Instead, you greet each guest kindly, albeit rather awkwardly.

As the dark sky deepens in color, the living room starts to get more and more crowded, the rest of your friends arriving along with other guests. Min-Ji gets there first, wearing a classy black cocktail dress. She greets you with the same enthusiasm as Jae, but her demeanor is slightly more controlled, her older age shining through.

Next, Da-Eun arrives, dressed in green, and lastly, Ryung. By the time she settles in, the party is in full swing, music leaking out of speakers, and beers being passed around. You’re fully immersed in the atmosphere, happy to be surrounded by your girls and other somewhat familiar faces. You can’t lie, partying with your friends really puts into perspective the loneliness you hid behind your home’s mansion walls.

But in contrast to your free spirit, Hyo is struggling. Multiple cars have begun to pull into the driveway, groups of people entering the house and giving her a peek inside. The home has many more people than it should for a "small gathering." 

Her first instinct was to exit the Jeep and head toward the door to end your night prematurely, as well as tell you off for not only lying to her but also to Bada. However, through one of the windows, your silhouette peaks through, the light in the living room shining against your features and displaying your expression of pure joy as you dance with your friends and sip beer.

She stops mid-stride, conflict brewing in the confines of her mind. Deep down, she knows you deserve to enjoy yourself. Being stuck in a mansion—while large and full of entertainment—is nothing compared to the comfort of being with friends, partying, and drinking. “Fuck.” Hyo mutters under her breath, passing a hand through her hair in frustration. She takes another look at your smiling figure through the window, then turns back. “The Boss is going to kill me if she finds out about this.”

She stays back in the Jeep for another hour or so, listening to the music coming from inside the house and the loud chatter, keeping an eye out while checking her phone every other minute. Your location never moves, thankfully. It seems that you have the foresight not to take it as far as sneaking away from her for some fun.

But, of course, there’s no need for you to do so because the party is practically buzzing with energy. Couples and friends dance together, grinding and touching each other playfully, while some are playing cup pong or various other party games in corners of the room. You, on the other hand, have moved away from dancing, instead cooling off with another beer as your friends chatter amongst each other.

“You’ll never guess what happens next!” Jae grabs onto Min-Ji, tugging on her hands with poorly concealed excitement.

“What?” Min-Ji indulges her younger friend.

“Bada stops him right before he leaves the store just by saying, ‘And where do you think you're going?’” Jae lowers her voice and puts on a serious expression when imitating your fiancée.

“Really?” Min-Ji's eyes find your figure, a small smile curving her lips upward.

You smile back at her shyly, nodding.

“And then, she makes the asshole pick up her clothes from the ground!” Jae divulges.

“Does he do it?” Da-Eun cuts in, smirking widely.

“Of course he does! Like a little worm, he picks up all the clothes and gives them to her.” Jae points at you, letting go of Min-Ji’s hands.

“Bada must have a very strong presence,” Ryung comments quietly.

“More like everyone in the store was on Bada’s payroll,” Jae snorts. “Right Unnie, didn’t you say Bada has ties to half the population of Seoul?”

“Yes,” you confirm. “I think everyone in that store had guns on them.”

“How do you know?” Min-Ji asks.

“Well, they were all putting their hands in their pockets like they were going to pull out a firearm,” you reminisce. “And they were all staring between the man and Bada like they were waiting for her word to dispose of him.”

“It’s so crazy hearing about it.” Jae whines. “I wish I was there!”

“Don’t say that.” Min-Ji scolds her. “It must have been scary at the time, wasn’t it?” She looks back at you, posing the question.

“I wasn’t really scared for myself.” You shake your head. “I was more scared for the man. You should have seen the way Bada was looking at him.”

“I can imagine it now.” Jae tries to imitate a hardened and scary glare but ends up failing.

“You just look like you’re constipated.” Da-Eun laughs loudly, pointing at a now offended Jae. The younger girl hits Da-Eun, whining about how she was really trying to look serious.

You join in laughing with Da-Eun and Min-Ji at Jae, when you suddenly feel a tug on your right hand. Your laughter dies down as you turn to face Ryung, who’s looking between you and another corner of the room. You give her a confused look, trying to find what she’s gazing at. “Ryung? Is something wrong?”

“A woman's been staring at you since she got here.” Ryung whispers, casting her eyes to the other corner of the room.

You follow her line of sight to an unfamiliar, relatively attractive woman dressed in a loose white dress shirt and slacks. She has fiery red hair and a boyish look. She’s already watching you, her eyes unabashedly trailing up and down your figure, completely unbothered by the fact that you caught her staring. In fact, she smirks back at you.

You turn away from her quickly, a prickle of anxiety running up your spine. Though most would be excited at being ogled by an attractive woman, there’s something about her gaze that unnerves you. It's like she knows something you don’t.

“Do you know her?” Ryung asks, a worried look crossing her features.

“No.” You shake your head, a trembling breath leaving your lips. “I’ve never seen her before in my life.”

Da-Eun, Min-Ji, and Jae stop laughing at the sound of your nervous voice, turning to face you with questioning looks.

“What’s going on?” Min-Ji asks, noticing your rigid posture and Ryung’s grim expression.

Jae mutters your name, her voice becoming uncharacteristically quiet.

“There’s this woman that’s been staring at Unnie the entire night.” Ryung secretly motions towards you, then looks back at the woman with red hair. All of your friends' eyes follow, seeing how the woman gazes at you darkly; even with all their eyes on her, she doesn’t cower. Instead, she continues to watch you.

“Alright.” Da-Eun rubs her hands together, her expression dripping with anger. “Let me go have a word with her—”

“Not so fast.” Min-Ji grabs onto Da-Eun’s arm, pulling her back and keeping her from advancing toward the woman. “Jae, do you know her?”

Jae bites her lip, shaking her head. “I don’t remember inviting anyone that looks like that.”

“Then let me—” Da-Eun tries to wiggle out of Min-Ji’s hold but is unsuccessful.

“Don’t be so rash.” Min-Ji asserts. “Let’s just ignore her. If she decides to bother you directly, we’ll be here, okay?” She looks back at you with a caring expression, placing her hand on your shoulder.

“Okay.” You agree shakily, turning your back toward the woman’s direction.

For the rest of the night, you constantly feel her eyes on you. Though you try to act normal, a spike of fear runs up your body when you see someone approach you or accidentally brush up against you while you dance with your friends. You consider asking Hyo to come get you, but you don’t want to sour the mood of your friends. So you deal with her predatory gaze, and do your best to ignore her overwhelming presence.

Hyo’s eyes scan the neighborhood leisurely when a notification banner pops up at the top of her screen. Her eyes snap toward it, finding a text message from none other than her boss light up the screen. She takes in a deep breath as she presses it, her screen being moved to the message app.

Bada’s text reads, “How’s it going?”

Hyo lets out a sigh of relief, quickly texting back, “Good, she’s having fun.” She watches Bada’s text bubble show up soon after indicating she was writing, but it disappears a few seconds later. Hyo takes the opportunity to add, “Her friends are very lively.”

Bada’s text bubble appears again, but this time she sends a message saying, “Focus on doing your job.” Hyo huffs under her breath, exiting out of the messaging app and switching back to managing your location.

Her brief distraction keeps her from noticing a new group of men heading toward the house. Most slip in, it’s only until the last is about to cross inside that Hyo looks up, her eyes catching a baggy of white powder one of the men is carrying.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She hisses. Immediately she exits the car, dialing Bada’s personal phone as she races up the driveway and slips into the house behind the man.

Inside, you’re slowly becoming more and more unnerved by the red-haired woman. Your friends try to take you around the living room, using the other partygoer’s bodies as a shield between you two, but she doesn’t allow them to. She moves through the crowd until she has a clear view of you again, then just stands there, her gaze unwavering.

“She really doesn’t give up, huh?” Min-Ji curses under her breath.

“What a creep,” Da-Eun adds.

“Are you okay?” Ryung asks you.

“I don’t know.” You admit, rubbing your arm uncomfortably.

“Hold on,” Jae cuts in. “I think she’s coming this way.”

Four pairs of eyes snap in the direction Jae is looking, finding the woman weaving through the crowd of partygoers in an attempt to reach you.

This time your entire body goes rigid, intense fear running through your veins as your friends rally around you, muttering comforting words. Their voices and the loud bass of the music in the background fade away, all you’re able to focus on is the woman with red hair only a few feet away from you now.

She’s just about to reach you when a firm grip grabs onto your arm, pulling you away from your friends. You jump at the person’s touch, instinctively trying to recoil away before you turn to see a familiar face.

“Hyo.” You breathe out in relief. 

“We’re leaving right now.” She says firmly, pulling you through the crowd of people. 

“Hey!” Da-Eun surges forward at the sight of Hyo taking you away. “Who are you–?”

“No, it’s okay, that’s her bodyguard,” Jae informs your friends.

Your friends share resounding noises of astoundment before Hyo starts to firmly push you toward the exit. You say a hurried goodbye to them, catching out of the corner of your eye the red-haired woman. She’s now wearing a frown as she quickly retreats into the crowd of dancing bodies, hiding away from your gaze, as well as Hyo’s.

The entirety of the drive back home is dead silent, but this time it’s not comfortable. Hyo’s lips are set into thin and firm lines, her expression unchanging as she switches lanes and drives through the jet-black night. You try to will your voice to work and make idle conversation, but the words get stuck in your throat, a deep feeling of regret pooling at the depths of your stomach.

The car ride back unfortunately felt much shorter than the ride to Jae’s house had. One minute you're just barely pulling out of her driveway, and the next you're passing the gates into your mansion's driveway.

Hyo parks the car, exiting quickly and opening the door for you like she always does. You still say thank you, but this time she doesn’t acknowledge it, she simply lets you take the lead as you begin the walk of shame into your home.

Walking through the front door, the first floor is eerily quiet, missing the sounds of Bebe walking around or talking amongst themselves. You hesitate before walking up the right spiral staircase to the second floor, then move to your right toward the direction of your bedroom.

“We’re going this way.” Hyo breaks her silence, motioning with her thumb behind her, toward the corridor that leads to Bada’s office. You gulp but say nothing in response, instead choosing to listen to her and head toward your fiancée. 

The sound of both your and Hyo’s footsteps echoing against the cold marble floor causes even more unease in your mind, the feeling all but tripling when you see a dark mahogany door come into view. You stop right in front of it, your legs starting to feel weak and your hands sweating. You try to build up your courage to knock on the door, but Hyo’s already a step ahead of you.

She doesn’t bother to knock, she simply grabs ahold of the door handle and pushes it open. She gestures for you to head inside which you do timidly, the door closing right behind you.

Inside the office, your eyes immediately find Bada’s figure. She’s sitting in her chair like she always is, looking incredibly tired. And instead of wearing a soft expression at the sight of you, her face is blank, not a single wisp of emotion to be seen. 

“Sit down.” Her voice cuts through the tension in the air.

You do as she says, noting that she doesn’t get up to pull your chair back for you like she normally does. “Bada,” you begin, voice quiet and full of remorse.

“I heard you had fun tonight.” She cuts you off, her tone harsh. “A party, was it?”

You close your eyes in embarrassment. “I’m sorry–”

“Are you?” She interrupts you again. “Truthfully, are you?”

“Yes.” You say frantically, trying to convince her. “I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

“You had multiple opportunities to tell me the truth.” Bada asserts, her hands coming in front of her to clasp together tightly. “The night before when I asked you about your so-called ‘get-together.’" She lists, "You could have told me anytime today, or Hyo when she was driving you. Instead, you unabashedly lied to my face and deceived me.”

You swear the wind is knocked out of your chest at her words. Her dark brown, almost grey eyes are cutting into yours, wounding your heart as you will something, anything out of your mute vocal cords. “Please believe me.”

“I can’t.” Bada shakes her head. “All I asked of you was three things.” Much like she had when you first arrived at the Lee mansion, she holds up three corresponding fingers. “Tell me the truth, remain loyal, and never put yourself in unnecessary danger.” She places all three fingers down. “Somehow you managed to disobey all of them in the span of a single night.”

Tears prick at the corner of your eyes, and heaving breaths start to build in your windpipe. You can deal with Bada being upset with you, but there’s something about her calm disappointment that hurts you more than you could have ever imagined.

“What would have happened if someone at that party brought a gun, hm? What if they knew who you are to me? What if they wanted to hurt me by hurting you?” Her voice slowly rises in volume but never reaches a full yell. “More than anything, you put yourself in danger. All for the sake of a good time.”

You hang your head in shame, acknowledging that she’s right.

“I can’t trust you anymore.” She states plainly.

Your head snaps up from its hunched position, your eyes widening at the implication of her words. “What? Bada, what does that mean?”

Your fiancée remains quiet for a moment, her blank look doing nothing to soothe your heightening fear. Then, she speaks up. “It’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Go to sleep?” You cry. “Bada–”

“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” She tears her eyes away from yours, staring to her right. “I can’t look at you right now.”

Her words are the final blow to your breaking heart. You stand up from your chair loudly, attempting to hide your devastated expression as tears fall from your eyes in steady streams. You race over to the door, pull it open, and run out of the office, accidentally bumping into Hyo on your way out. You don’t say anything to her, simply wanting to get as far away as possible.

Lusher, who’d been rounding the corner about to head into Bada’s office catches sight of your teary eyes and sighs. She makes eye contact with Hyo, sharing a knowing look with her before entering the office.

“I’m not in the mood, Lusher,” Bada mutters, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“Don’t you think you were a little too hard on her?” Lusher contends.

“She put her life at risk,” Bada states firmly.

“She went to a party, so what? She’s at the age where she’s supposed to be having fun with her friends, clubbing and drinking.”

“She lied to me,” Bada argues.

“Listen, I know that–” before Lusher can finish her sentence, the door to Bada’s office opens again, this time much more violently. Hyo stands in the doorway, a worried look encompassing her features.

“What now?” Bada snaps at her.

“Boss,” Hyo huffs. “the keys to the Jeep are gone.”

“What?” Bada stands up with urgency, her blank expression morphing into nothing but unrivaled anger. “Where did you put them?”

“I had them in my pocket–” Hyo freezes, a look of realization glinting in her eyes before she stops and runs a hand down her face in frustration. “Your fiancée pickpocketed me.”

“She pickpocketed you?” Lusher says incredulously. “So she just left? But it’s dangerous to be out this late, and in that dress–”

“Lusher, gather all of Bebe.” Bada interrupts her, voice loud and commanding. “You,” she points at Hyo. “find her. Now.”

“Yes, boss.” Lusher and Hyo say in unison, scrambling to do what their superior asked of them. 

Meanwhile, Bada remains standing behind her desk, a mix of fear and unadulterated anger building in her. She feels immediate regret for the way she’d treated and spoken to you. She never should have let you leave in such a vulnerable, and most likely intoxicated state.

She could never forgive herself if something happened to you because of your argument. She slams her hands down on her desk, almost breaking it with the amount of force she uses.

Bada storms out of her office, heading down the corridor toward her bedroom, pushing the door open before heading toward her bedside table. She opens the first drawer, revealing a black pistol. She grabs it, about to exit her bedroom when her eyes catch the portrait of her mother hanging just above her bedside table. She takes a moment to face it, her face morphing into a grim expression. 

“I won’t fail you, mother.”

Lusher, Tatter, Kyma, Minah, Chehe, and Soweon, otherwise known as Bebe are all gathered in the armory room, guns in their hands. Lusher dons a sniper, Tatter a pump shotgun, Kyma a handgun, Minah a rifle, Cheche a break action, and Soweon a pistol.

“She managed to pickpocket Hyo?” Soweon exclaims, loading her pistol with bullets. “How is that possible?”

“She must not be as innocent as we thought.” Cheche comments. “Out of all of us, Hyo is the most alert and aware of her surroundings. She has some skill.”

“Enough talking.” Lusher cuts in, clicking a magazine into her sniper. “We’re wasting time. Boss wants us to find her as soon as possible.”

Bebe falls into line, following their second-in-command to the first level of the Lee mansion where Hyo is, tapping her foot against the marbled floor impatiently.

“Do you know where she is?” Bada’s booming voice causes all her subordinates to freeze. It’s brimming with urgency, and full of poison.

Hyo looks up at where her boss is standing at the top of the spiral staircase, her aura demonstrating absolute authority. “I think she’s lost her phone.”

“What do you mean?” Tatter speaks up.

“The location stopped moving right in front of her friend, Jae’s house. But it’s not inside, it’s farther down the road.”

The room becomes astoundingly quiet, so silent you could most certainly hear a pin drop. Although no one has the heart to say it, they all know the truth. You’ve been taken.

But then, Bada’s heavy footsteps begin descending the stairs, her eyes alit with a fiery passion and her eyes fixed into a firm glare.

“We’re finding my fiancée.” She demands. “And if she’s not home by the end of the night, it’ll be your head on a pike.” She points at Hyo, her pistol held firmly in her other hand.

“Yes, Boss,” Hyo says fearlessly. Truthfully, she felt partially at fault for what had happened. If she had only brought you home the second she realized you were throwing a party, or if she paid more attention when you bumped into her, you would be here, safe. 

Before they can all head out, Bada’s phone buzzes in her pocket. She stops, pulling it out and observing the caller ID. Her eyes widen when she sees it, immediately pressing the answer button and holding the phone up to her ear. She mutters your name into the speaker, causing all of Bebe to freeze and look at her in shock.

“Where are you?” Bada says, voice soft and full of worry.

“Hello?” A voice that is most certainly not yours greets her ears.

Bada’s expression shifts immediately, her eyes narrowing to slits and her voice dropping. “Who the fuck is this?”

“Are you Bada Lee?” The voice says hurriedly.

“Yes. How did you get this phone? Where is my fiancée?” Bada demands.

“This is Jae, Unnie’s best friend.”

“Jae?” Bada says, her tone calming the slightest bit. “Where is she?”

“Bada, you need to come here quick.” She cries. “Unnie called me a few minutes ago saying she wanted to stay the night with me, but right when I saw her pulling into the driveway, another car parked beside her, and I think they took her!”

Bada’s hands form fists as she motions with her head for Bebe to go into the garage full of cars. They do so immediately, piling into a modified and armored SUV with a sunroof. Lusher sits behind the wheel while Hyo takes the passenger’s seat. The rest of the girls sit in the back, guns positioned in their laps, Minah poking out of the sunroof with her rifle propped up in front of her.

Bada follows after them, getting into her personal, fortified sports car as the door to the garage slowly begins to open. She puts Jae on speaker, “Did you see who took her?”

“It was dark, but I recognized one person,” Jae confirms. “It was this woman who was at the party I threw for Unnie. She was staring at her the entire night like a creep.”

“What does she look like?” Bada asks through her teeth.

“She’s wearing a white dress shirt, a pair of black pants… oh, and she has very vibrant, red hair!”

Bada pulls up next to Bebe’s car, her eyes meeting Lusher’s, a new type of rage building in her irises. “Seong.”

When you awake from your slumber there’s a pounding ache at the back of your head, and your eyes are blurry. You blink as you try to gather your bearings and sit up, but your arms are held behind your back by something. You start to panic, your head whipping around as you begin to remember what had happened just before you lost consciousness.

You’d been driving the Jeep toward Jae’s house whilst sobbing uncontrollably, realizing that your selfishness would most likely cost you your engagement to Bada.

When you were a few minutes away from Jae, you called her with trembling hands, breathing heavily into your phone.

Your friend muttered your name into the phone, sounding like she’d just woken up.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice shook with emotions. “Is it okay if I stay with you for the night?”

“Of course,” Jae answered immediately. “But what’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

“Bada and I got into a fight.” You admitted. “I think she’s going to call off the engagement.”

“What?” Jae’s incredulous voice rang out of the phone.

“I’ll tell you everything in a second, I’m right next to your house.” You made a left into Jae’s neighborhood, finding the lights in her house on. You parked a little further down the street, seeing stray liquor bottles and red solo cups littering her lawn, most likely thrown away by her drunk party guests. “Okay, I’m here.”

“Where?” Jae’s figure approached the window that oversaw her driveway, her eyes squinting as she tried to discern your body from the pitch-darkness of the night. “I don’t see you.”

You sniffled into the microphone, switching hands as you climbed out of the Jeep and waved your hands to get Jae’s attention. “To your right.”

Jae’s eyes shifted in your direction, and after searching for a few minutes her eyes shone with recognition. “Oh, I see you!” She waved back at you, the interaction distracting you to the point where you didn’t hear a car pull up next to you until people were clambering out of it, their heavy footfalls approaching you.

You jumped when you felt an arm grab you, gasping and struggling against their grip. “Let me go!”

Jae’s voice came out of your phone, saying your name, but before you could answer her or call out for help, something hard hit you in the back of your head and caused you to fall limp into your kidnapper's arms. But before you fully lost consciousness, you caught a brief glint of red hair from the corner of your eye. 

“No.” You whisper, reality finally settling in. “No, no, no.” You try to move your hands, but your eyes find them secured behind your back with handcuffs. You struggle against them, trying to wiggle your hands out but they’re closed tight against your flesh, making the steel rub your skin raw. You hiss in pain but continue trying until your wrists are red. You try to move toward the wall behind you, leaning on it to help you stand up.

Once on your feet, you stomp on the floor, trying to break the heel of your platform heels. You repeat your action a few times on each foot until part of the heel breaks off, leaving you with shoes that are easier to run in. You huff out in exhaustion, but you’re not done yet. Using the wall once again, you attempt to get your arms in front of you by jumping and pulling your arms under you. Thankfully, you’re successful, and let out a breathy laugh of victory. 

 You slide down the wall, taking a small break when you suddenly hear footsteps coming close to the room you’re trapped in. Your eyes widen in fear as you try to back away further from the door.

“Look who’s awake.” The woman with red hair enters the room, her voice coming out in a sing-song.

“Who are you?” You rasp, sitting up tall. Although you’re terrified out of your mind, you know better than to show it. 

“The name’s Seong, sweetheart.” She smirks, one of her lackeys trailing after her. “And you have something I want.” You stare back at her as she gets closer to you, bending down so you’re at eye level. “Not going to ask me what it is?”

You say nothing, instead just keep eye contact with her, never once wavering under her unnerving gaze.

“Ah, we have a strong one here.” Seong laughs heartily. “I can see why Bada keeps you around.”

Mentally, you curse at yourself. Of course you’d been kidnapped as some sort of leverage piece between this woman and Bada. She’s most likely one of the rival gangs that’d been waiting for the chance to pounce at an opening to get through to Bada. And you’d stupidly given her the perfect opportunity.

“Well…” Seong’s voice drops, chills running down your spine as her eyes lower to your figure. “I’m guessing she doesn’t just appreciate your banter, huh?” She reaches out to touch you, her cold hands dragging across your collarbones. “So pretty…”

“Don’t touch me.” You spit, tone dripping with disgust as you recoil away from her.

“So lively too.” Seong chuckles.

“Bada’s going to come get me.” You cut in, glaring at the woman with fiery hair.

“Oh yes, I’m counting on that.” Seong smiles. “You know, she owes me a lot of money.” She stands up and begins to pace around the room. “My father and her father used to work together back in the day. But once Lee died and your little wife took over his business, she cut ties with him. Apparently, selling drugs is too ‘corrupt’ for her.” She scoffs loudly, the sound full of resentment and anger. “My father lost all his connections. He had to start selling to junkies on the streets, and now he’s running out of money.”

She stops in front of you again, a twisted smile stretching across her face.

“Bring him in,” Seong says to the lackey behind her. He follows her orders, trailing out of the room before he returns minutes later, a man shuffling behind him. When the man steps into the low light of the room, you audibly gasp and your eyes widen. “Remember him?” Seong stands next to the man–the same man from the mall. The man that’d harassed you, and had been humiliated by Bada.

Here he stands, the right side of his face swollen and colored in grotesque combinations of yellow and purple bruises.

“You.” The man rasps, his eyes shining with a crazy glint.

“This man right here was beaten half to death by Bada when I found him lying on the street.” Seong pats his shoulder. “Imagine my surprise when he told me how he’d accidentally hit on the Bada Lee’s fiancée, and almost gotten himself killed because of it.” She circles around the man. “Finding you after that didn’t take much. And look at you now…”

“Lying on the floor like some pathetic bitch.” The man spits. “How does it feel?”

“Go to hell.” You snap at him, eyes set in a glare.

“You should be careful how you speak to me.” The man warns you, walking closer before he bends down in front of you. “You’re the one who’s restrained, and at our mercy.”

“And yet despite that, it’ll be your blood that stains this floor when Bada finds me.” You retaliate.

The man’s face screws up in anger, and in a flash, he grabs onto your necklace, using it to tug you forward painfully. “You bitch–”

Your eyes go wide as you watch your necklace–Bada’s mother’s necklace–stretch in his hold. “No–” you choke out, using what little control you have of your hands to slug them against his face, taking his hands off the necklace. But unfortunately, his strength ends up ripping it off your neck, the broken jewelry falling onto the ground. “No!” You cry, scrambling over to the necklace, trying to grab it with your hands.

The man turns to face you, wearing a look of anger you’d never seen before in your life. He raises his fist, about to punch you when a hand stops him from doing so.

“Now, now, let’s not get too caught up in our anger.” Seong pulls the man away from you and pushes him toward the door. “We’ll have our fun once Bada arrives, believe me. You can do the honors of killing her if you really want to.”

Seong follows the man out of the room, her lackey trailing behind her before she stops to give you one final look, and closes the door to your room, leaving you trembling and in almost complete darkness.

In the raven black of the night, Bada, Tatter, Chehe, Hyo, Kyma, Minah, and Soweon stand at the door to Seong’s hideout, guns held tightly in their hands. Bada turns to look at a building across the street, holding a thumbs up in the air. Atop the building is Lusher, her sniper propped up against the ledge of the roof, her scope focused on Bada’s signal. She traces the red dot coming from her sniper around Bada’s thumb, indicating she’s ready.

“Lusher’s in position.” Bada turns back to face Bebe, nodding at them. “Let’s not waste any more time.”

“Yes, Boss.” They all parrot in response.

Bada turns to face the doorknob, pointing her gun at it before shooting. Tatter steps up first, shouldering the door open with intense force, making it swing open and reveal Seong’s hideout. Some lackeys that had been standing around jump at the sudden intrusion, their hands instinctively reaching for their guns. But all of Bebe’s members are twice as fast and skilled. Tatter shoots down one man with her shotgun while the rest of Bebe pile in, backing her up and mulling down the waves of oncoming men like they’re bugs.

Bada steps in last, shooting a man who was running in as backup, then shooting another who almost managed to get a shot in on Minah. She charges forward without fear, cutting through the mess of flying bullets and punching one of Seong’s men in the gut, then shooting him between the eyes. His blood splatters against the side of her suit as she kicks his body away, continuing her advance until she makes it out of the entrance of the hideout, and into a split hallway.

Bada keeps her pistol trained up and ears keen as she hears Lusher’s sniper bullets break through glass windows and hit some of the men still flocking to the entrance. An emergency alarm begins to blare in the hideout, red lights bathing Bada’s figure as she studies both paths ahead of her.

Suddenly to her right, she hears loud footsteps approaching and whips around to face a man running down the hallway. Thinking quickly, she shoots him in the foot before he has the chance to reach for his gun. He falls to the floor, screaming in pain whilst clutching his wounded foot. Bada walks over to him, kicking his gun away then aiming her pistol at his head.

“Where is she?” She yells over the loud, blaring alarm.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” The lackey wails.

“Yes you do. Tell me or I’ll kill you!” Bada places her pistol on the man’s forehead, making his pathetic wailing increase.

“Okay, okay, just please don’t shoot me!” He begs.

Bada grabs the man by his clothes, hoisting him up and pushing him forward, causing him to stumble and almost fall onto the floor again. “Show me the way, now!”

The man cries as he hobbles forward, leading her in your direction.

“Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven…” your voice mutters amidst the silence, keeping track of the minutes passing by since Seong left. You stare at the steel door separating you from your freedom, hoping with every minute you count, Bada gets closer to finding and rescuing you.

It’s at minute forty-two when bright, red lights flood your room, blinding you and throwing you off your count as loud alarms sound outside. You sit up, your heart beating wildly in your chest.

“Bada…” you sigh in relief. She came for you.

Another five minutes pass before you hear movement coming towards your room, making you scramble towards the door. But when it opens, you’re not greeted by the sight of your fiancée. No, instead, Seong rushes inside, her red hair ruffled and her breaths uneven as she closes the door behind her.

“Fucking–” She mutters, her eyes finding you instantly.

“I told you.” You smirk. “You’re all dead.”

Seong stares back at you silently before charging up to you and slapping you across the face. You shriek and recoil back as she breaks into manic laughter, pulling out a gun from her pocket. “Maybe, but if I die, you’re coming with me, sweetheart.” She clicks the safety off, her finger in position to press against the trigger when three loud bangs come from outside your prison, making you scramble back in shock, and Seong turn to face the door.

A long moment of tense silence follows before the door to your prison slowly creeks open, Seong gulping as the hand holding her gun starts to tremble. Right before the door fully swings open, a shot is fired from the person outside, grazing Seong’s cheek and making her cower away.

She runs over to you, picks you up from the floor and holds onto you by your throat, her gun pressed up against your temple. "Don't get any closer, Bada Lee,” Seong yells, digging her fingers into your throat. “or I’ll kill her!”

Bada side-steps away from the door, revealing one of Seong’s men dead behind her, blood leaking from his foot and his forehead. “Let her go, Seong,” Bada demands. “Your problem is with me, not with her.”

“But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? When you hurt one person, the people you care about suffer!” Seong laughs maniacally. “You had no mercy for my family, so why should I have any for yours?”

“You did all of this because I refused to sell your drugs?” Bada spits, her voice dripping with venom. “You’re pathetic, just like your father.”

Seong’s face reflects sheer anger in response to Bada’s words. She’s about to pull the trigger of her gun when Bada shoots first. She hits Seong in the knee, causing her to collapse and shoot the ceiling instead of you. You scramble away as Bada lunges forward, tackling Seong and knocking the gun out of her hand before she can try to shoot at you again.

Unfortunately, Seong is strong as well and fights back against Bada for her gun, both trading blows with each other until Seong manages to get Bada’s gun from her grasp. She pistol whips Bada in the face, giving her a cut across the nose as Bada falls to the floor, blood falling from her wound.

“Not so tough now, huh, Lee?” Seong screams as she points Bada’s very own gun at her.

“You should know that even if you kill me,” Bada says through heaving breaths, “you’ll still never make it out of this building alive.”

Seong bares her teeth at Bada, pushing her gun closer to her temple. “You’ll still be dead.”

“Don’t!” You scream, emerging from behind Seong, holding her gun. “Put the gun down or I’ll shoot.”

Seong clicks her tongue, laughing condescendingly as she turns to face you. “You don’t have the guts to kill me.”

“But I do.” Bada jabs her fist into Seong’s stomach, knocking the woman off of her and the air out of her lungs. Bada takes her gun back and places it in her pocket as the woman with red hair heaves against the floor, her eyes the size of saucers.

Bada walks over to your trembling figure, her gaze soft as her hands come up to grab yours that are still holding onto Seong’s gun.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” She whispers tenderly into your ear, bringing you against her chest as she quietly soothes your shaky breaths.

“I thought you were–” You begin, the words falling from your mouth through gasps.

“I know, I know.” She shushes you. “Everything’s all right now. Give me the gun, honey.” You let go of Seong’s gun, allowing Bada to take it into her hands as she faces the red-haired woman who’s writhing on the floor. “You should have known better than to touch the people I care about, Seong.” Bada’s voice is cold, and more charged with rage than you’ve ever heard her carry before. “You’ll always be your father’s waste of a daughter.”

Through Seong’s choking breaths, you hear a sob wrack her voice, tears falling from her eyes and running down the sides of her face.

Before Bada pulls the trigger, her unoccupied hand comes down to shield your eyes. “Don’t look,” She whispers softly, “and cover your ears.” With tears streaming down your face, you plug your ears and shut your eyes, a deafening shot following soon after. A few minutes pass before you feel Bada move you around, hugging you close to her chest as she breathes a sigh of relief. “It’s over.”

It’s like the floodgates open at the sound of Bada’s soothing voice because you start to sob violently into her chest, wishing you could cling onto her, but you can’t your hands still restrained by handcuffs. “Bada.” You cry, burying your face into her warm body heat.

“I know, I’m so sorry.” She whispers. “I came as fast as I could.”

“I thought she was going to shoot you.” You sob. “I was so scared–”

“Shh, it’s all right honey, I promise. I’m okay.” She pats the back of your head before pulling away to gaze into your eyes. They’re wide and filled with tears, but so infinitely beautiful to her. Bada wipes your tears away with her thumb, smiling softly at you. She takes a step back, taking off her suit jacket before placing it onto your shoulders and rubbing up and down your arms. “Let’s go home, okay?”

Bada’s room is warm, the atmosphere a far cry from the prison you’d been held in. You sit on Bada’s fluffy bed, staring into the distance with a faraway expression while waiting for her to return.

Thankfully she does as soon as the thought crosses your mind. She makes her presence known by knocking gently on the wood of her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”

“Yes.” You croak.

Bada enters the room with a mug of piping tea in one hand, and uses her unoccupied one to close the door behind her. She sits next to you on the bed, handing you the mug while muttering a soft warning about how hot it is.

“Thank you.” You say quietly, taking the drink and blowing on it.

Bada places her big hand on your thigh, rubbing it gently as she looks into your downcast eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here.” You admit, staring at the ripples in the tea caused by your breath.

“I’m glad.” Bada’s eyes move from yours to your hands, noticing how red and raw your wrists are. She removes her hand from your thigh, gently touching your wrist so she can turn it over to get a better look at it. “Should I get you some pain medicine?”

“No.” You answer quickly, your eyes shooting up from your tea and meeting hers. “Stay with me, please.”

Bada nods silently, rubbing the skin just above your wrist. “I’m sorry.” She whispers grimly. “You got hurt because of me.”

You stare at Bada with an incredulous look, shaking your head rapidly. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t lied to you and went to that party, Seong would have never been able to get to me–”

“You went to that party because you missed your friends,” Bada argues back lightly. “I deprived you of a social life in my obsession with keeping you safe, and look at where it got us.”

“Bada Lee, this is not your fault.” You say firmly. “You saved my life.”

Bada looks like she wants to argue more, but holds herself back. The silence between you two allows your still-racing mind to catch up, and you suddenly sit up, eyes wide and full of sorrow.

"What is it?" Bada questions, noticing your expression.

"Bada..." you trail off, turning to the side to grab something you'd hidden. Facing her again, her mother's broken necklace is in the palm of you hand. "I'm so sorry. I tried to keep it safe..."

Bada takes the necklace out of your hand and holds it up in front of you both. "I don't care."

"What?" You breathe incredulously. "But Bada, it was your mother's–"

"And it can be fixed." She says softly. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Your look of shock melts into a sappy smile. “Me too.” You agree, placing your mug-free hand on top of Bada’s. She moves her hand around, weaving your fingers together tenderly as her thumb swipes across the skin of your hand.

“Did Seong hurt you anywhere else?” Bada asks, scanning your face for injuries.

You turn your face to your right, showing her your left cheek, which is now slightly bruised. “She slapped me.”

Bada’s eyes take in your injured cheek, a storm of emotions flashing in her irises for nothing more than a split second before she masks it with a caring expression. She brings up your arm so that it’s in front of her, places her lips on your hurt wrist, then she brings it back down and brushes her other hand across your left cheek. She leans in, pressing a soft kiss to each of the growing bruises.

When she’s done she leans back, nothing but pure care in her eyes as she gazes at you.

“Can I ask you something?” You mumble, butterflies dancing in the pit of your stomach.

“You can ask me anything, honey,” Bada whispers, tracing shapes onto your hands. 

“You always kiss my injuries.” You point out, careful to keep your voice sweet so she knows you like her display of affection. “Is there a reason why?”

Bada’s eyes leave yours for a brief moment, finding something above your head and gazing there before her eyes move back to you. “My mother, she used to…” she trails off, “she used to do that when I was younger. It always made me feel better.”

You smile softly at Bada, warmth flooding your veins. “That’s beautiful.”

She smiles back at you, muttering a soft thank you. You both allow a comfortable silence to fill the room until an idea pops into your head.

You quickly place your mug of tea on Bada’s beside table, then turn to face her. She gives you a confused expression when you take both of her hands and lift them up. Bada’s long fingers curl against yours, displaying her bloody and bruised knuckles. You lean down, placing a soft kiss next to each of them, unable to see how Bada’s eyes widen at your actions until you pull away.

When you look back at her, she’s looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky. You smile at her, then lean up, placing one final kiss on her nose, right below the cut Seong made.

Pulling away for the final time, Bada brings you closer to her, missing your warmth as she touches her forehead to yours and closes her eyes.

“Please never leave me again.”

❝ should my hands be stained with blood, let them be so, solely for you. ❞

[milaeth]

୨୧┊𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒. ( lando norris )

ꖛ ─ you’re reading part one ∿ part two ( coming soon )

✧.* pairings ─ lando norris x fem! football player! reader

✧.* genre ─ social media au ⨾ fluff

✧.* summary ─ in which you're a football player and after winning the champions league with your team, a secret admirer named "L" sends you flowers. everyone thinks it's your friend Lance, but what if it's someone else? perhaps someone who’s also a formula one driver and is known for being a big fan of yours...

✧.* face claim ─ jana fernández (she’s obv around the same age as lando in this)

✧.* warnings ─ none

✧.* mily’s thoughts ─ so sorry for the wait, i had to take a little break, but i’m back now! btw i’ve had this in my drafts for literal months, but i finally decided to post it so enjoy :)

yourusername

liked by lance_stroll, fcbfemeni and 753,965 others

yourusername We rocked the semi finals, now it’s time for the actual one! We can do this!!🔥

tagged: @/fcbfemeni @/wchampionsleague

view all 375 comments . . .

user1604 massive win! some sick tackles made by you today, wow. so proud of you guys🔵🔴

user693 LETS GOOOO

lance_stroll So proud of you💙❤️

yourusername Thank you Lance❤️

user4635 y’all seeing this???

user8476 the hearts…🤭

user4316 BARCELONA 🔛🔝

user1036 mother is mothering‼️

landonorris Congratulations, you guys were amazing!👏

liked by yourusername

user5837 YOU GUYS WILL ROCK THE FINAL

fcbfemeni best cb in laliga🔥🔵🔴

yourusername best club💙❤️

user3835 devoured and left no crumbs

user8547 who is that girl and why are lance and lando always in her likes and comments??

user9527 girl bffr💀

user1584 “that girl” is Y/n mf L/n.

user5264 @user8547 That is Y/n L/n! She plays for Barcelona’s women's team. She and Lance have been friends for quite a while and I guess he introduced her to the other drivers at some point because a lot of them follow her. She's been to a few races and sometimes still attends them when she's not playing for Barcelona! :)

2 May 2023

landonorris just added to their story . . .

liked by mclaren, fcbfemeni and 97,537 others

private replies to this story . . .

maxfewtrell Off to go see the love of your life play?👀

landonorris Shut up mate

maxfewtrell You didn’t deny it👀

landonorris Dude she doesn’t even know I exist

maxfewtrell Of course she knows you exist. She’s friends with Lance and therefore knows you from the grid.

landonorris Yeah okay but that’s about it. The first and only time we talked in person was in 2020 so she probably forgot about my existence.

maxfewtrell Well then change that😉

yourusername

liked by alexiaputellas, wchampionsleague and 1,846,053 others

yourusername This feels unreal🏆🔵🔴

tagged: @/fcbfemeni @/wchampionsleague

show top comments . . .

lance_stroll I’m literally so proud of you. We have to celebrate this, love you💙

yourusername Thank you so much, can’t wait to see you again💙

user836 @lance_stroll confess to her already🙄🙄

user638 i ship them so hard

landonorris This was the first football game I watched live and the atmosphere was amazing. Great win💙❤️

yourusername Our games always have an amazing atmosphere, it’s really worth it

landonorris I could tell! Today’s game won’t be the last one I’ll see live

yourusername I hope so :)

user9526 AYO WHAT IS GOING ON

9 May 2023

yourusername just added to their story . . .

liked by lance_stroll, landonorris and 352,942 others

11 May 2023

∿ taglist ─ @ay7ton @ch3rryknots @fdl305 @chrysanthemonza @remuslupinsbtch @kissesandmartinis @hevburn @noncannonships @quadrisl @dhhdhsiavdhaj @godessstela @hectorr-19 @layazul @bambispostsblog @ferrariloverr @xxenia14 @sigistarkstrom @asparklysoul @dinodumbass @tpwkstiles @our-love-world @sainzluvrr @ophcelia @mcmuppet ( here’s my taglist if you want to get tagged in my future work )

don’t forget to like, comment & reblog (it’s very much appreciated <3).

© milaeth | 2023

[deitiesofduat]

DEITIES Update – 2023 ➝ 2024 New Year’s Edition

Happy New Year Everyone!

Typically I would write a formal blog post for my end-of-year update, but I'm writing something on the fly for the sake of timeliness ✨

I wish I could say I completed most of what I wanted in the year 2023, as I had several goals I thought were feasible. However, some of those goals had to be placed aside for a very sudden but fortuitous reason, that I feel worth sharing with ya'll -- which is that Iiiiiiii bought my first house! 🥹🥹🥹

(As you can imagine, this took quite a bit of my energy and time this past year, thus explaining part of my absence -- more details regarding my activity under the cut!)

---------------

From early August thru the end of December, my home-searching and closing process was incredibly long, stressful, exhausting, expensive (lmao), and time-inducing. I'm thankful to have had support from my agent, and well as my friends and family while navigating this ordeal, and I'm in the process of moving my items and services into my new home during the remainder of my apartment lease.

This home search combined with my full-time work, was a major reason why took a partial break from social media, and semi-hiatus from new art. This also affected my frequency of updating the DEITIES website and blog -- at least, on the front end. I did a lot of backend work and completed a major to-do with migrating the website and giving it a new primary domain -- so now, both deitiesofduat.com AND deitiesproject.com will redirect to the website. 👍

For the most part though, I used the 2nd half of 2023 to focus on some major life decisions, and leading into early 2024 I’m aiming to give myself a bit of a lifestyle reset. It's going to take some time to settle into this new normal, so aside from occasional media posts I'll continue to be quiet a bit longer. Once I complete some key home-owning goals and attempt to recharge, I'll aim to resume the goals I had in mind for DEITIES Project and my personal art, as well as engaging with my audience more (I miss interacting with ya'll, aha 😭).

In the meantime, thank you all for you continued patience and support! Despite being offline more-than-not this past year, I really appreciate the continue interest you all have in this project. DEITIES remains so important to me even with my shift in scope, so I'll do what I can to put iterate on it and give it all my effort when I have more bandwidth. Until then, wishing you all the very best in 2024!

[perseruna]

I was wondering the same thing as the other anon actually; i was taking a break from social media when i heard about Henry Cavill leaving twn and i thought people were taking his side but never really dug any further.

So honestly if you have time, i wouldn't mind hearing more.

lmaoo alright so here’s a semi deep dive for anyone who wasn’t present for the deuxmoi hcav gate of 2022

okay so everyone started speculating when the news of his recast broke and the general consensus was that he left for the superman money which imo was definitely a big part of that. i don’t believe he left due to “creative differences” im not saying there weren’t any, on the contrary there must’ve been a ton, but everyone who worked in the industry or knows someone who did will tell you that “creative differences” is code for there was something else going on. plus quitting a job that pays you 1 million per episode due to a petty thing like creative differences in literally insane.

and then dc dropped him like a week later which was honestly one of the funniest days of the year.

so when the internet is arguing about all of that the deuxmoi podcast comes out initiating that there was a lot more going on to his twn departure.

believe it or don’t believe it i think there’s definitely some kernel of truth to it. a lot of this checks out with what we already know. he already refused to do a sex scene with anya in s2 so that turning into a refusal to do ANY romantic scenes is not far fetched (i’m not strong enough to get into sex scene discourse as well, everyone should do what they’re comfortable with i agree with that wholeheartedly, but geralt is a role that requires romantic and sexual scenes so don’t take it if you’re not comfortable with that)

the weird alliance thing is about beau de mayo who was actually fired. he’s also the one who accused the other writers of not respecting the source material and started this whole weird thing. here’s a tweet from one of the current writers speaking about him (cropped for x’s legal safety, it’s been since deleted)

then an entire storm started on reddit and here are some posts of people speaking up that i managed to find

believe it or don’t but i’d rather be wrong than support a nasty misogynist. i think he was a nightmare to work with, wanted more creative control and a bigger pay rise and netflx didn’t agree in the end and that’s how it ended.

[taybatwo2]

Monster High IDW Comics Review: Part 4 of ?: Monster High Pride 2024 Issue (“I Put a Spell on You”) Valentine’s Hiss-tory

I’ve already covered the IDW’s Free Comic Book Day issue, and the first comic in the Pride Issue (“Summer Fangout”) in previous installments.

The moment I’ve been waiting for!! The Spelltine comic!!! *fanfare fanfare*

Well….almost….I wanted to actually cover Valentine’s (and Spelldon’s very limited) background first.

Check out the Hiss-tory of Valentine under the cut (cause it’s long).

Valentine was the main antagonist in: G1 Monster High’s CGI 2012 “Why do Ghoul’s Fall in Love” movie/“tv special.”

These campy movies are so entertaining.

Valentine is a 1602 year old vampire (his SDCC Diary confirmed him to be an emotional vampire instead of the blood drinking kind, but he still got those pointy toofers).

He preyed on ghoul’s love for him (putting their broken hearts on display in his basement room at his mom’s house). That’s at least 14 ghouls right there. All things considered, that’s like only 1 ghoul every 114 years. I think he would be starving if that’s all he’s been snacking on.

Back in Transylvania’s sepia toned (Victorian….? Edwardian….?) time period, Valentine started attending the local spooky school for monsters. He goes to the trouble of putting on a fake southern accent to charm the European ghouls (I’m guessing, he doesn’t say why in the movie). But out of all the ghouls fawning over him, he zeros in on Draculaura.

He meets her during a class mock-witch trial (witches will keep popping up in this guy’s story). After his flowery speech he spends just ONE week showering Draculaura with gifts, poems, creating a holiday for Draculaura’s birthday (naming it after himself of course).

Alas, Draculaura was the only ghoul to get away from him. A misunderstanding with a local Normie mob had her flee from Transylvania and inadvertently saved her trophy-sized heart.

Oh, but he still craves her heart as a trophy because it is “the biggest heart.” The Edwardian period was 1901-1910 (so that would be 111-121 years ago from 2012) or it was a Victorian period: 1837-1901 (137-111). That’s a long time to be hung up on a ghoul, even for a vampire.

He comes back into her life after Toralei gets his information (somehow…maybe he was easy to find on a dating app/social media) and imitates Draculaura’s voice to get him to transfer to Monster High. He looks to be living with his mother (specifically his mother’s basement) at the time.

He shows up, and Toralei briefs him on her plan to ruin Draculaura’s Sweet 1600 and break up Clawd and Draculaura.

He has some second thoughts when he sees Clawd (“he sure is big”), but heart-trophy wins out over being mauled by Clawd.

He takes a day to try and “fill her heart all the way with love” before snatching it.

But he can’t seem to woo Draculaura and even worse (in his eyes) she picks Clawd over him. He takes this really well by hypnotizing her (I love the unique vampire powers).

His spell/hypnosis gives him three days to win her heart before she becomes heartless and he loses out on the ultimate big game challenge for himself.

Soooo, he states he mostly wants it for his trophy case, but he has to sustain himself off of it too…does he just like rip it out? Magically drain her essence? Does he do halfsies with the trophy case and getting himself a snack? It’s not (Mr) super clear. 

But he still can’t seem to win her heart all the way, and after he relents on both of them going to her birthday bash in the catacombs his plan fails. His spell over her breaks because of her love for her friends and real love for Clawd.

And Valentine and his co-conspirator Toralei (I miss her deviousness so much) fall into the random Pit of Everlasting Body Order (well…semi-everlasting body stank as we will come to find out).

ANNND he loses his powers (all his trophied hearts are also set free).

This was the last look of this sad, stinky vampire boi, until the 2014 graphic novel:

“I Only Have Eye for You” (a comic that was partially used to drum up attention for the SDCC Manny and Iris 2-pack). 

He is the accidental antagonist of whole comic (a series of 6 short comics all leading up to the Fraidy Hawkins dance). And thankfully he does not have the little cloud familiars anymore.

He steals Iris’ candy gummy worms at the movies to try and make Manny look more “valiant and get her more.” It backfires after Manny gets sticky shoes/embarrassed at the theater. But Iris still asks him out after they talk it out.

2. He gave Gil (to give Lagoona) the biggest shell he can find (from a “scary sea witch” -what’s with this guy and witches). It backfired and made Lagoona continually sing in rhyme and gave her a beautiful dress (I think it’s a reference to what Ariel’s voice did for Ursula/Venessa in Disney’s the Little Mermaid). 

3. He turned up the “cute-ness” factor on Ghoulia’s computer/lab equipment to make Heath cuter (….it was a very weird comic), but it turned Heath into a giant fluffy love monster and fried Ghoulia equipment. Apparently Abbey was still into it and asked Heath out (I loved his extra chest-hair fluff in the last panel). 

4. He tried smoothing stuff out with Cleo’s daddy about Deuce and Cleo’s relationship (this guy IS NOT as smooth as he thinks he is). And Cleo’s dad cuts off her funds.

5. He gave Invisi Billy and Scarah “extra electrified” furry love friends, but it caused them to switch bodies (…G1 had some very odd plot lines…). But it’s okay, they switched back. 

6. He tried paying/getting Clawd the flowers, dinner for two reservations, his tux, limo rental to bring them to the dance, the dance tickets, Draculaura’s gift, and canceled Clawd’s reservations. But! He forgot to send Clawd the message. Whoops. Guy must be loaded to try and pay for all that. 

Draculaura and all her ghoul friends seem pretty aggressive towards him and want him to leave (understandably so) when he shows up.

(Sorry for the cropped quality - I had to cheat to fit this one in here because I ran out of space for pictures). (With Clawdeen and Lagoona being the most protective of Draculaura, Cleo threatening to unleash her wrath on him, and Frankie being the mediator between them all). They all calm down after they see he was trying to help and all of their stories ended up being alright.  Draculaura, Lagoona, and Frankie tell him what makes true friends. While Deuce and Heath tell him he needs to check in before helping someone. 

Valentine says he’s learned his lesson. Clawd was also pretty pissed off at Valentine, but the comic ends with Clawd dancing with Draculaura (which must have cooled him down). 

(An interesting tid-bit Valentine mentions: his “mom was right-I should stick to my strengths, like ruining love.” Well…What a gut punch.)

His next appearance was the following year: 2015’s SDCC exclusive dolls (with Whisp). They came with diaries that explain A LOT (I miss diaries so much!! I’ll keep bringing it up every review, I don’t care!). And the events happen before the graphic novel’s (apparently?).

His diary is chock full of goodies (all of the diaries are - read them on the MH wiki if you can or here on tumblr: monsterhighdiaries posted all the diary entries in chronological order). 

We find out his first name is Kieran (“little dark one”)

Diary Speed Run/Highlights: 

May 1st:

His mom wouldn’t let him into the house and made him sleep above the garage due to his stink. He thinks it’s just as well because he got to do some serious self reflection. 

His charm powers/powers in general were super weakened by no longer having stolen love power them (the guy had weird cloud familiars, hypnosis, could manifest things from thin air -chocolates, hearts, boomboxes- he could shoot bats out of his hands, he could light candles with magic too).

(So far, he was out of commission for about 3 months since the movie). 

An old lady with no sense of smell: “Mrs. Gremlin,” runs an unwanted creature shelter and needs some help taking care of all the exotic creatures, and says he would be a good candidate.

He starts feeling more energized and she tells him that emotional vampires are “idiots” because stolen love is just empty calories compared to the much more sustaining, freely given love. (So maybe they kinda just soak it up from their environment and don’t use their fangs at all. They’re just for looking cool).

May 3rd:

He is thinking back to how he stole love and it had never made him feel right, just angry and frustrated (he hid it VERY well in the movie - that little fucker looked like he was having a great time terrorizing others in that movie). 

He wants to try being his true self.

July 1st:

He says he’s been working at the shop for a year so MY TIMELINE IS WRONG. 

So now, he started/got out of his room five months after Feb 14 (WDGFiL), then he made his first diary entry (May 1st) 10 months later as a look back after starting the job. 

He no longer stinks (~17 months after falling into the body order pit, I guess Toralei got over the stank faster due to shedding and excessive cat-self cleaning). 

His mom doesn’t know a Mrs. Goblin and the building he was working in looks to be abandoned for years. She left a note telling him to continue bettering himself or she’s going to make him clean more flying monkey cages. She’s like his fairy gob-mother. 

July 2nd:

Apparently the WHOLE graphic novel (“I have my Eye on You) takes place in one day (but it clearly doesn’t…..?). 

Maybe another year passed by…or he had been working on helping them and this was the day of the Fraidy Hawkins (but Sadie Hawkins dances usually happen in November….and classes should have been out for July). 

So either school years are longer in MH, and the dance still happened in November (4 months after his July 1st entry, 21 months after the movie) and he is writing about it 8 months after to make it July 2nd….? 

Maybe it goes WDGFiL on/around Feb 14th, his first day of working for Mrs. Goblin was in the July of the same year. His first diary entry was in May of year 2, his 1 year anniversary of working at Mrs. Goblins was in July, and the Fraidy Hawkins Dance from Only Eye for You happened in November of the same year, then onto the third year he makes his next entry for July 3rd, in August he has his last diary entry, and that September is the Pride comic…?

Ignoring that….

I’m assuming they forced the July entries to coincide with the SDCC release…? 

He thinks that Draculaura and her friends will never really trust him, and he understands it might take time. 

He had bumped into Spelldon while sneaking around and gave him his number (THIS IS LITERALLY ALL WE KNEW OF SPELLDON. That and Casta Fierce is his sister)!

July 7th:

He walks on the beach to get out of his funk and comes across Whisp’s lantern and accidentally summons her (in her diary she says it’s her first summon, looks like he almost fainted and his clothes had seen better days). 

July 10th:

Both Whisp and Valentine bond over what they did wrong at Monster High.

He is not specific enough when wishing to “go back to MH and fix things.” He poofs into the past dressed as a repairman and is nearly thrown back into the body odor pit before wishing to be brought back. 

July 12th:

He thinks over his past mistakes and knows that it’s going to take a lot of work to make him a better monster and repair all his mistakes.

August 1st:

His final wish is to always be friends with Whisp (so now she has an iCoffin to stay in touch. It always has full bars and they both have each other’s numbers to stay in touch). 

His mom thinks he is talking to himself down in his room (a call back to the movie).

His information in the back of the diary was greatly welcomed:

His parents were confirmed to be emotional vampires (I had headcanoned that maybe he some incubus/succubus ancestry mixed with vampire, but that is probably a bit too much for MH).

He likes formalwear. 

He is open to now having a pet (just not flying monkeys….a very witchy pet…hmmmmm….??) 

His favorite subject if biteology, he now wants to be a vet and he dislikes Phys. Dead due to all the sweating and casual outfits.

He likes the color maroon and devils food cake. 

The comic takes place after this, so I’m going to guess at least one month after August (lots of American High Schools start in September). 

Phew! I love deep dives like this, but I have been putting off my review of the Spelltine Pride Comic short for long enough! Onto covering it in the next post!!

[nicolesainz]

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince (CP 10)

Christian Pulisic x f!reader

Warnings: heavy swearing, angst, violence and fluff

A/N: as if it isn’t already obvious from where i was inspired to write this one shot (the connection between chris and maathp can’t be undone, but im glad)

Summary: you always counted on yourself to defend against the bullies and mean comments on the press, although now things have changed, as he will be the one saving you from running in the dark

“She’s only on the team because of her boyfriend being the captain. Otherwise she’d be in a B category”

“She has two left feet. Can’t even kick a ball properly”

“Poor Christian, hope he finds someone better than her”

“Pulisic being with a girl out of his league? Shameful.”

Usually, one would find me in our room crying my heart out and with my mind racing between ‘Would Chris be better without me?’ and ‘What must I do to improve myself’.

I’ve been receiving this comments ever since mine and Christian’s relationship was announced. We had the support of friends, family and teammates and from a big portion of the fans, but some of them bite back. They don’t like what they see.

Well, they mostly don’t want to see me.

Girls hate the fact that their favorite footballer is taken and boys think I’m privileged enough to be on the Women’s USA team.

I’ve always told Chris to not respond any of these. That they don’t affect me. But they do. They hurt and I am a human, not a fucking robot.

He always wants to reply or post something on his story about defending me and leaving us to our peace, but I tell him to stay back. I don’t want anyone to hate him or have him receive nasty comments. He surely doesn’t deserve this.

We were now at Cobham, while he was training, I was discussing with the team about our next session. I decided to take a break and just scroll through my insta. I recently posted a pic of me and the team, reaching the semi-final at Copa America and once again, they were there

“You did nothing”

“Useless player”

“Only there because of Chris”

“Just leave. We don’t need you”

“Next time, I will break your phone in half and throw it in a pond” I look up to see the constantly kind Mason.

He was the only one who knew about this ugly situation. Mostly because he once caught be crying at their changing room. It was one of my most vulnerable moments. And I was glad to have him there.

“Don’t tell Chris. Please. I am fine. I’ve been used to them”

“But you shouldn’t be. Let him help you. He can shut their mouths. I know you are strong but you shouldn’t have to put up with their bullshit”

Mason sat next to me, not removing his eyes from mine. We had grown very close and was my best friend. He knew that I wasn’t in a position to pressure Chris into doing something that may hurt him publicly.

“Maybe I will just disappear from social media. The fans will still see me at the club’s posts and I won’t bother seeing the comments. Problem solved” I shrugged and put my phone in my pocket.

“You shouldn’t have to limit yourself to please others. You will say, do and post whatever you want. They aren’t in your place to understand the worries and pains of this sport”

He is right. I do agree. But I can’t fight back this time. I fear that no matter what I say, it will come back at me like a boomerang. Fuck!

Before Mason gets on to continue, Christian comes up to us with Ben following him. He looks exhausted but also with a questionable look plastered on his face.

“Why hello, Y/N. What brings you around?” Ben greets me with a hug.

“Here to support the superstar. Plus, I’ll be leaving soon for the international games, so as much time as I spent with him, the better” I smile at my boyfriend who has his arms around my waist, softly kissing my collarbone.

“All the best! Hope the team does well. We have faith in ya!”

“Shall we get going babe?” Chris asked me, looking at the time on his phone.

I simply nodded my head smiling and collectively said goodbye to his two teammates, first to Ben and then Mason.

Once I finally was for the last time in Mason’s embrace he whispered in my ear ‘he loves you more than anything and would fight the world just to see you happy’

I held Christians hand in mine and walked back to his car. The ride despise it being silent, it was comforting as my eyes didn’t remove from his beautiful physique. I loved admiring him.

In Chris, I had found true love and compassion. Feelings I thought didn’t exist, until we met.

When we reached our house, Christian dropped his bag on the floor and immediately spoke up.

“Please talk to me” he sounded like pleading.

“What do you mean?” I knew what he meant. Very well!

“Baby let me help you. Mason has told me about the incident back in the changing rooms.”

“I’m a burden to you Chris. Nothing more. And I hate doing this to me” tears start escaping my eyes.

Christian instantly wrapped me in his arms tightly. “Your name in my mind, has as its synonym the word ‘love’. You could never be a burden. More like my source of happiness”

“People are judging you for being with me and telling you deserve better. Which you do. You’re deserving of the world.”

“But you are my world. I don’t want anything fucking else but you, my dear. Let them judge. They don’t know what a wonderful woman you are!”

“What if we-“

“Don’t you dare fucking finish this sentence. I will never leave you. And neither will you me. I will fight for you. I don’t give a single penny if they start hating on me or talking shit about me. As long as you’re with me, I can handle everything else”

Chris cupped my cheeks, not wanting to remove his hands from any part on my body. I knew that without him, I wouldn't feel safe or loved. It's a feeling that only one person can create. And I am more than thankful to have had this with him.

"I don't want to hurt you, I love you more than anything that I have. I do not wish for people to hate you just because of me. This is unfair."

My eyes are bloodshot red and a soft kiss lands on my lips, as Chris has the urge to prove something to me with that move.

"A kiss, a touch and a hug of yours, are the reasons I breathe. Without you, I would be hurt. Without you life would be meaningless. Football is my career but you are my present and certainly future. I love you, Y/N and I will fight the goddamn world for you. No one else, you hear me?"

"Can you hold me like this forever? From the moment we met, I have never wanted to stay in a place so badly" I cooed softly, hiding my head on his chest.

"Baby, we can stay like this forever. Since that's what we both want, then it stands. And I had no intention of letting you go any time soon. I have planned a lot of things for us"

At moments like these, you know that if the person in front of you, would guard you with his life no matter the case, they are your one true love.

[lageografiademicamino]

Who will qualify from ESC SF1 in 2023?

Eurovision is on! Rehearsals are on! We’ve seen most of them performing at the multiple preparties and the first clips (even super shots ones) are in! 

It’s time to predict who will qualify on May 9th from Semifinal 1! These are my predictions based on the reactions, comments, listens and clicks in social media, Youtube and Spotify.

Some I will get right, others I may not - that’s the risk you will take by continuing reading this. 

1. Norway - Alessandra - Queen of Kings

She’s IN. No question. HUUUUUUGE viral hit by now. There was some concern about Alessandra’s vocals (MGP used autotune) when performing live but she’s on point based on the first rehearsal clip. Visually they’re loyal to National Final one but her outfit is a bit different, she’s wearing a crown look a like hair band and there’s more light now on the stage. 

2. Malta - The Busker - Dance (our own party)

This is worst spot in semifinals to perform as second in Eurovision. Lots of good entries have failed because 15 other amazing songs will follow and people tend to forget. However, Malta’s lively and colourful performance does stand a chance. The song stands out with its saxophone sound. If this did go through would I be sad, definitely not but being where it is, second and between two dark songs (Norway, Serbia) I say this is OUT.

3. Serbia - Luke Black -  Samo mi se spava (Само ми се спава)

One of my faves this year but I know a lot of people who’re not warming up to this Hatari II. However, their staging looks improved and Luke’s performing very confident. This kind of dark pop is exciting for many! In Eurovision it doesn’t matter how many haters you have but how many lovers, based on the interest in Spotify / Youtube I’d say this might appeal enough voters to be IN.

4. Latvia - Sudden lights -  Aijā

Indieband with a strong chorus. In the national selection the staging didn’t impress me but this is one of my faves again. Lamps are there though but there’s a good energy in here which I hope will come across to the audience.  This is still boarderline, this can go to either direction. But I have faith so IN. 

5. Portugal - Mimicat -  Ai coração

Portugal has been topping their game in preparties and even though you wouldn’t like this kind cabaree music - this is very authentic, catchy, memorable. And she can sing and perform - true pro! The stage looks a bit empty without the couch but I do have faith in Portuguese staging skills because they have nailed it during the few previous years. I still say IN.

6. Ireland - Wild Youth - We are one

Why the producers put this at 6th? If this had been an opener for this semi Wild Youth could have had a chance. However, they’re going all the way with the staging, using every inch of that stage: we have golden body, pyros, stairs - we know the guy can sing but the song is a bit generetic and forgettable. This breaks my heart but OUT. 

7. Croatia - Let 3 -  Mama ŠČ!

A big fan favourite. Huge interest before going in to Eurovision, they also did well in the preparties. We saw some aspects from the pics and Tik Tok clip that we saw before (same LED screen, cannons). Not my personal favourite but a lot of people love this kind of quirky performance so IN.

8. Switzerland - Remo Forrer - Watergun

One of my personal faves this year but again - a lot of people don’t agree with me though. The anti-war song was actually written two years ago which I kind of hope would push some buttons among the voters. However, Switzerland was one of those unfortunate countries last year who went to Final with Jury votes only and received 0 points from audience. This time around Semifinals have only audience voting so I’m afraid there might be payback and especially since it’s another Swiss ballad. 

Staging like this can be strong but the clip didn’t convince me yet. Pretty dark and they have similar strings attached to the dancers as Finland had in UMK (why are you coping??). I love this but I say OUT. 

9. Israel - Noa Kirel - Unicorn

She’s IN. This is not my favourites to be honest, just because it’s so messy genre like. Israel was a bit of mystery to everyone because they didn’t participate to any preparties and they kept all their plans as a secret. But she sounds amazing and the Tik Tok clip and the photos promise us a spectacle. The seem to have a running unicorn in the LED screen, she’s in this bright box, upside down and in the end she’s making Chanel style break dance. This will please many for sure and high chances of becoming a top5 in the final. 

10. Moldova - Pasha Parfeni -  Soarele și luna

This is one of the most ethnic entries this year and Pasha Parfeni is no stranger to Eurovision as he represented Moldova also back in 2012. The song is memorable, it does stand out and the live performance even just from the pictures doesn’t disappoint. Moldova is a master of creating memorable performances even with a smaller budget and there’s no way that this didn’t go through. So IN.

11. Sweden - Loreen - Tattoo

Do I need to say this? IN. The LED sandwich so called what they used in Sweden was a lot bigger(16 m² ) but I don’t think the current size (6,25 m² ) will cause actual problems because the camera work will make it look larger. This is copy paste from Melodiefestivalen so pretty epic. A lot of people do complain however that Loreen is not bringing anything new to ESC as this does remind her victorious song Euphoria from decade ago. However, potential winning song for sure! 

12. Azerbaijan -  TuralTuranX -  Tell Me More

One of the indie entries we have this year. I quite like it but... this is not a crowd pleaser unfortunately and in Eurovision you kind of have to be. This is such a good feel song but no. Stating isn’t doing much either, they’re standing on the platform of spaped by the heart playing their quitars. Unless there is something major happening what wasn’t revealed in the Tik Tok clips. I’m sorry, OUT. 

13.  Czechia -  Vesna -  My Sister's Crown

There’s so much love for this entry but at the same time there’s talk that this might be the shock non-qualifier. They didn’t perform as well and confidently as people were expecting them to during the preparties. However, in their live rehearsals we see them wearing rose coloured outfits, they have long braids - there’s a message of we’re not your dolls combined with some doll movements so very strong female empowerment thing going on. This can get too messy but hard to say from the Tik Tok clip itself. I still belive this would be IN. 

14.  Netherlands -  Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper -  Burning Daylight

Another sleepy ballad. I don’t hate it. And to be honest this has the strongest ballad staging I’ve seen so far. Mia and Dion are standing on this moving platform and walking towards, around, from each other. This can be a moment, beautiful one. Their voices go nicely together. BUT this comes after a strong Czechia and before Finland. I don’t see this year being very kind to the ballads, people are clearly having more reactions (clicks, listens etc) towards the quirky songs of ESC 2023. I say OUT. 

15. Finland - Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha 

A big fan favourite when going in for the rehearsals. Many didn’t expect Käärijä’s team to change the stating at all actually because it was pretty damn good already at the UMK. However, they have upgraded it. They have this big wooden box on the stage, according to photos and the Tik Tok clip he’s in it at some point and also the dancers where they emerge at one point. The silhouette is awesome! Great add and super powerful! There’s pyro at the end also, colours of the rainbow - the human snake has movement. This is so good! If Finland doesn’t win the ESC alltogether I do belive this will make the televotes to explode at the semi for sure! IN! 

What do you think of the songs in Semifinal 1 and who do you think will qualify? Talk to me in the comments below! 

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/725114014141661184/the-gcf-was-not-for-jimins-birthday-dont-know?source=share

Bighit employees helping them when they arrived was a result of Bang PD and the members worrying about them travelling alone for the first time. The help only extended so far though, because it was still a personal trip, nothing company related. I don't know what were you trying to prove with that.

The "romantic" screenshots you replied with also prove... what? For me it shows that much JK enjoys Jimin's company to the point he finds those mundane, simple moments very meaningful to him. Like how he also mentioned that them walking in the street under the light from the post lamp was pretty and he remembers it because Jimin said his feet hurt lol. It's very domestic in my opinion. He has a habit of doing that when it comes to Jimin—remembering ‘boring’ details I mean. Another semi-recent example is when he posted the mirror selfie with Taehyung on Instagram from the Atomix restaurant the members went to, and Hobi asked him when did they take this picture, JK replied with “When Jimin hyung was like ‘sorry?’ Haha I think that was the day we took the picture” It's endearing to me how he mentally checks days based on what Jimin did/said then. Those little moments of Jimin doing the most mundane things mean a lot to JK that he just can't help but mention them as if they're such a big revelation or use them to pinpoint specific time frames.

About him paying for everything in Tokyo, the way I understood how they spoke about JK suddenly wanting to go shopping but later complained about how he had no money, and how Jimin laughed at him, is that he spent a lot of money on the stuff they bought. There are pictures that prove he had enough money to buy clothes and even jewelry but if you haven't seen those you might understand his comment about having no money as him not buying anything and that's... fair I guess. But he did have money and they did go shopping and did buy a lot of stuff. So I understood his complaint about having no money (and Jimin laughing at it) as him spending all of his money on whatever they bought.

And about the birthday gifts, if you would rather conclude that he's just a bad gifter despite him breaking that habit only to buy Jimin a gift, then I can't help you further, sorry.

Hi again!

Well, I don’t actually need or want any help further anon. You are the one coming to my blog (an obvious Taekook blog) talking about how Jk so clearly missed Jimin he went on social media because of it… rather than actually going to spend time with him. Ofcourse I’m not going to agree with you, I don’t see what you see.

I’m totally convinced of Jimin and Jk having a strong bond, but it’s a platonic one. I think Jk doesn’t care much about birthdays in general, which I’m sure will be an unpopular take, but he did a birthday live in his pajamas, he never buys any gifts, they’re always on the road.. it’s just how I see things yeah. You act as if thinking someone is a bad present gifter is an insult, it’s not.. it’s a realistic view which is supported by evidence.

Jk says he didn’t have money on him. It’s your interpretation of that moment, not mine. I think Jimin’s reaction at him saying that shows that he found that hilarious. Maybe Jimin lent him the money for the stuff they bought, that’s what friends do. Jk’s comment about Jimin staying up till 5 on his phone was a soft complaint, because they had plans and Jimin didn’t wake up in time for them.

You are romanticizing moments anon and you call them domestic. But having a good memory has nothing to do with being domestic. I think you’ll find Jk remembers moments from other members just as well if you take time to look beyond Jkk narratives. Will you find those instances endearing too?

You have a shippers view of things anon, and it shows in your use of wording and in the ‘evidence’ you bring.

[warchiefeny]

I was gonna write up a thread on twitter about how my semi-break from social media was going, but I realized I had a lot more on my mind and I... haven’t done a proper blog post in years so why not. Content warning I guess for mental health/abuse talk.

Since I haven’t mentioned it here, for the last month or two I’ve been on a break from checking my timeline on social media. I can’t afford to not post artwork because I still make a good chunk of money from commissions, but it didn’t need to be a full cut off anyway. Honestly it felt great, and despite breaking it a little and reblogging here and there atm, I think I’m gonna continue for the most part. Maybe it was bad timing with twitter exploding, but I really needed to retreat into myself and engage with content on my own terms. You don’t always realize how much of your day is sucked up by social media, really. The only thing that kinda sucked was missing out on dank memes or cool content from friends, mutuals, and other cool people. The reason why I wanted to write a blog here and not on twitter is because I realized how so much of the things I realized about myself weren’t just about social media, but just my life in general. And also character limits. Definitely character limits. This isn’t my first time recognizing or noticing it, but dealing with commissions all the time and making a portfolio appealing for other jobs, I realized how much I lost myself in the process. And while seeing floods of really cool and good art is great, sometimes I would forget what really made me myself. Or what I even wanted out of anything. You draw so much for other people that you have to step back and ask if you’re making the right decisions or if you’re just doing what you think is profitable, and if it’s only a job then why does it matter what you do? What do you care to do when it’s just you? And to that end, who was I being right now in my own life? I felt like I lost myself in a lot of ways, like I wasn’t free to be who I was anymore. And this isn’t related to art, but when you have a particular belief system or way of doing things it tends to colour the rest of your actions in life. One catalyst to all this was when last summer I learned how to tell people to fuck off again and stopped caring so much about how likeable I had come off to people. In my 20s I had over corrected the dickish behaviour from my teens at the expense of my own personal boundaries and I had just finally snapped over it. It wasn’t that I wanted everyone to love me but I cared more about how other people felt than how I felt. It was this fucked up idea that I had to take everything on the chin or else I was irrational or selfish. I realized a lot of this came from the abuse I got from how I was raised, and it wasn’t until this year actually that I realized that I even had been abused because all the adults around me growing up were apart of the same cult. The amount of relief I felt over taking back my boundaries and not caring if people got mad was cathartic. But that’s not it entirely either, and frankly I’m tired of talking or thinking about that part of my life anymore. For the last couple of years I just felt like I stopped feeling safe to be myself. I’d never been one to think that accolades give you more than a fleeting sense of accomplishment, but there was some small part of me that felt like I needed certain things so I wouldn’t feel so embarrassed. Which is also kind of crazy, because when I had no money, no job, no license, no big-ish follower count, less physical strength, less stable mental health, etc... there were people who loved to be around me and wanted to hear what I had to say. People who wanted to seek me out and thought of me highly enough to admire me, and I didn’t have to hide or change anything about how I was presenting myself. And I wasn’t perfect about that stuff back then either. I still cared about how I came off, and I had hang ups, but I was certainly a little more free than I had been in the last couple of years toward the people closest to me. But there’s this funny thing that happens, at least for me, when you aren’t concerned about how you look or what you have or don’t have. When you’re just talking to someone and they catch you off guard that you’re one of their favourite people to talk to. Or when you’re just vibing and being yourself and they say how good of a person you are when you least expect them to say anything regarding it at all. It’s not something you put effort into or predict, it’s just something that sort of happens. When you put a wall up in order to protect yourself or say you aren’t worthy of something for whatever arbitrary reason, you end up making it impossible for people to actually give you love or affection. It turns into unintentionally pushing people away, even if you don’t want that. You think you’re being more responsible or a better person, but you’re not. In trying to respond perfectly, you become imperfect instead and just make a mess of things. And when you are lucky to get attention, it often just feels so hollow because everything feels fake or superficial when you give yourself standards that are unnecessary or impossible to clear for yourself. And the more you think you aren’t worthy of something, the less likely you are to do things that are good for you and create meaningful rewards. Ordinarily I would keep this post behind a private twitter account, but while I have no interest in oversharing my personal life to strangers, I guess take this is my attempt to be a little more like myself than I have been. Over the last two weeks I’ve had a lot to think and digest, and I’m just trying to let myself be me.

[lenabloo]

So I’ve been “gone” for awhile…

It wasn’t intentional, I just had a lot going on. A brief rundown of the things that happened in my life between May(ish) of 2020 and now, I attended and graduated from a dental lab program, worked three part time jobs while in school, had a breast reduction, got an autism diagnosis, had my gallbladder removed, got an Ehler-Danlos diagnosis, got a job at a dental office/lab that I really love, and… yeah I think that’s it!

Part of me not really being on this account in all that time is that holy shit, I was busy, but also I have the tumblr app on my phone and it’s logged into my passionfish11 account and I’m too lazy to switch back and forth (they are fully separate accounts - I made them before I knew you could make sideblogs? And I don’t know if there’s a way to “merge” the accounts), but I haven’t been all that active on that account either, aside from liking fandom things.

Anyways!

So I’ve really struggled with social media since the fall of LiveJournal, there’s a whole lot of reasons behind that, but frankly, LiveJournal really worked for me, as a format, and now, as a 32 year old who’s actually fairly stable and confident (very weird. It’s good, but it’s very weird), I’ve realized there’s really no reason why I can’t treat my tumblr more like LiveJournal. I think when I first joined, all the way back in…. 2011, I think? I’m pretty sure I treated it more like LiveJournal, at first, but man, things became so judgemental and all-or-nothing in a lot of the fandom parts of tumblr, and I got too scared to post or even reblog much on my own blog?

But like I said, I’m 32 now! My life is in the best place it’s ever been, and if my posts end up outside of my corner of the hellsite, I feel pretty okay with just blocking people or taking a break for a while, so. Here I am! I tend towards overly wordy and formal writing, so I’m definitely going to be making use of read-mores, and I’m kind of absent-minded when it comes to replying to people, but I really want to give being social in this way another try? I’ve spent years reading about other neurodivergent folks finding that the internet is the best available way for them to be social, and I’ve always felt kind of disconnected from that, but I think it’s because I was essentially trying to mask even online. So I’m not doing that anymore! I’m wordy and a touch pedantic and kind of shy about interacting but if I was able to pour my heart out on LiveJournal when I was a desperate, depressed teenager, how hard could it be to just kind of be here as a stable, semi-settled adult?

Tl;dr: A whole lot happened in my life over the last 3-ish years, and now that I’ve gone through all of that and come out on the other side a pretty happy and confident adult, I want to try being social online again! Haven’t done that much since the days of LJ, but I feel pretty good about this lol. So this is my personal blog, passionfish11 is my fandom/writing blog, both of them are doll blogs, and there’s sure to be crossover in the other content too.

I’ve missed everyone? That’s not a question, I have missed all of my mutuals and the folx I follow, but it feels a little weird to say that when I wasn’t interacting much even before my unexpected/unintentional sabbatical…?

(Also HOW do you do a readmore on tumblr? I used to do them in the HTML on LJ buuuuut it’s been a while and google mostly ends up confusing me @_@;;; )

[etherealising]

VEE!! how are you queen?!?! ive been taking such a MASSIVE social media break and im semi back ?? since im back home for the summer (and my mom doesnt know i have a super secret tumblr acct) i decided i have to stay off 👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼 so im not home rn and wanted to check in and see how you are doing. much love babes 🫶🏼🫶🏼😽😽 (im also super excited for s3 and will be back in ur inbox w post watch thoughts)

-<3 anon

oh my goodness, hi <3 anon bestie we haven’t spoken in ages mainly because i genuinely suck at replying to messages in my inbox so sorry! love that you’re in spy mode, sometimes it’s good to have secret indulgences as long as they aren’t harming anyone. i’m actually doing fairly well just living life as it comes, while trying to figure out what the hell i’m doing with aiekoy 🫠. how are you babes, how’s summer? how was this past semester? i wanna hear about everything love! i don’t know when you’ll see these so i hope you’re doing well and having a relaxing summer! can’t wait to hear from you!! 💕

bestie i literally just finished s3 last night and wowza i haven’t even processed half of it. good luck babes! 😭🫶🏽

[obervation-subject-753]

(dec 5, 2023) uhhh first rant/venting post on this blog, if you don’t want to hear me rambling about my personal problems, block/don’t look through my tag ‘#subject-753’s scribbles’

so idk if i’m depressed. i’m pretty sure it’s because i don’t have much of a social life.

i realized around end of high school that the only friends i ever had were from school.

up to this day, besides relatives i suppose, i can’t even semi-confidently say that i have one friend. rather, irl friend..like, i know much about them and vice-versa. i haven’t talked with them in months.

i’m not blaming either of my parents for the next blurb i’ll vom out

recently (almost a month later) my mom had a stroke, and she’s home now, recovering well.

i’m the only person that can take care of her basically 24/7. i love my family. i love my mom dad and sibling. i can’t blame any of them for me questioning if i’m in a not-so-great mental state rn

but soon, i’ll be the only person that can stay home with her (my dad will go back to work in a few weeks)

i love my mom and i’ll never blame her for me feeling this way.

i don’t know if it’s because i don’t have much drive for anything (really is a big part of it honestly) or i’m an introvert (not anti-social, just difficult for me to socialize with people i don’t know well)

i just…feel so alone. i know i have a loving and supporting family..but idk if they will be as supporting if i try to explain to them more of the lgbtqia+ community that i’m a part of, bc most of my immediate family are rather ignorant or intolerant of trans, and most likely gay people too.

i. i like to think i’m an honest person. i’m really not. only when i’m alone with myself i say my true opinions and feelings. especially when i’m crying alone in my bed at night, most likely quietly bc i still live with my parents and sibling. i do that too often.

all that accumulates, and makes me not like myself. maybe even not love myself. most likely the latter.

i want to be better, for myself and others..but living and life is just so hard. most likely because i’m not trying enough bc i think i don’t deserve it or i don’t think a world like this is worth living in.

no i never attempted to harm myself, but i have thought of what possible painless ways to go.

yeah i’ve been thinking about all this for a few (7/8? years?) years…and i really don’t know if i can ever stop quietly cry in my room or feel comfortable enough to tell my close and loved ones that i feel and think this way.

fandoms i’m in help me cope, but also heavily reminds me of my personal problems. a double-edged sword if you will.

i confide in fictional characters for comfort. that’s just sad. i know they’re all fake and i’ll never be able to truly get to know them like i want to. they’re all fake. not in the reality i live in.

the reason why i’m only now making these feelings and thoughts of mine known, i think is because now i have even less of a chance to tell someone close to me. my family’s going though a hard time adjusting and dealing with the recent event with my mom, and i need to stay relatively strong for them. but i do know that we care about the well-being of each other.

i really want to have a genuine, not forced, relationship with someone. i really don’t want to burden my family with what i’m going through. tumblr and games and fanfiction have been such a break for me from my real life. not to say that social media and entertainment don’t bring up real life problems and how to deal/solve them, some thankfully successfully do, but there’s only so much we can do.

life can easily be cut short. i don’t want to live like i’m trudging though the mud, nor do i want to life completely carelessly…i’d like to live a nice life where i helped people.

especially a life where i somewhat helped myself.

[jjhonanana]

I wanna baby-vent about Social Media stuff lol

(Putting it under a “read more” so if you don’t wanna read, you don’t have to 🫶🏾)

So I am semi-formally taking a break from Twitter; kind of in protest of the rebrand and slightly because I want a break from the obvious toxicity of the culture on there.

For me, Twitter really helped me build up some much needed backbone when dealing with college drama and friendship drama that was super immature and a lil traumatic at times, so I’m not completely disgusted with the app as a whole.

Is it toxic at times? Absolutely.

Is it a hell hole? Of course.

Did I need to submerge myself into an almost zero-stakes environment where I could be slightly dickish at the defense of myself and not have weird anxieties that someone would beat me up over defending myself? Apparently yeah

Did it help? Yes, very much so

Now, in terms of Tumblr, I’ve had some really good memories and enjoyed browsing it in my youth. But now, I’ve been gone for so long and been so out of the cycle of using it as both and app and browser site that I feel clunky and weird using it now. I love the idea of having a blog somewhere and just talking about stuff I enjoy and sharing silly little no-stakes accomplishments like buying a trinket or making a successful joke. But now I’m so engrossed in professionalism and preparing to be an adult in the real world that I feel so clunky and weird in my own body when it comes to operating in the public eye.

I think the point I’m getting at, I guess, is to say that I think I need to set a goal for myself of using tumblr to be clunky and weird until I get un-clunky and un-weird in expressing myself “unprofessionally”, as well as just enjoy a site that’s fun and not speed racing into a mega-collapse while the world is also mega-collapsing.

Yeah, I think that’s it. I guess this is my official new start to tumblr?

Or I might just give up tonight and redownload Twitter and pretend I didn’t make this huge statement.

It’d be funny either way lol 🤷🏾‍♂️🫶🏾

[lageografiademicamino]

Who will qualify from ESC SF2 in 2023?

Eurovision is on! Rehearsals are on! We’ve seen most of them performing at the multiple preparties and the first clips on Tiktok and Youtube are in!

It’s time to predict who will qualify on May 11th from Semifinal 2! These are my predictions based on the reactions, comments, listens and clicks in social media, Youtube and Spotify.

Some I will get right, others I may not probably a lot because this is Semifinal 2 with less big fan favourites - However, that’s the risk you will take by continuing reading this.

1. Denmark - Reiley - Breaking my Heart

Reiley is a major Tik Tok star which might be perhaps one of the reasons why he is opening this semi. In Denmark we heard him performing with heavy autotune and the studio cut wasn’t any better but in the rehearsals clips his singing wasn’t that bad actually. They do have a clever staging prop, house like and Reiley is walking through each room - he’s wearing a pink outfit (ESC23 trend). Reminds me a bit of Snap last year. However, in the longer snippet the stage feels a bit empty and his performance in my opinion is not filling it enough.

I kind expected this to become viral or to have some sort of buzz but he’s quite low with views and listens online, there wasn’t much talk (no good or bad) at the preparties either. The song sounds like it starts in the middle and continues like that for the next 3min. So obviously not my personal fave this one. Is Tik Tok generation gonna vote for him? I have doubts. I say OUT. 

2. Armenia - Brunette - Future Lover

Brunette’s music video was already high quality and therefore quite promising. The song has fairly good views and listens in different platforms which indicates that it does have a growing fandome and interest. 

Visually this reminds me of Bulgaria 21 (Victoria) and I see it being memorable and strong enough to break the cursed spot number 2 position. Vocally she seems also on point in the rehearsal clips. I say IN. 

3. Romania -  Theodor Andrei -  D.G.T. (Off and On)

There aren’t many entries that we can say that are surely out but Romania unfortunately is. The guy is 18 years old and rumour has it the song was his school project. He can sing allright and he clearly has a passion. Personally I’m not connecting with this song and I know not many are. The song itself seems messy, his performance to be honest a bit cheap with the dancers and now with his changed pink outfit (we have a lot this year) he will not stand OUT. 

4. Estonia - Alika - Bridges

This is perhaps the best or at least one of the best ballads of ESC23. Dramatic, theatrical but also a little cold. She sings amazingly no doubt. 

The staging seems to be loyal to EestiLaul, she has her piano, similar outfit and structure how she performs on stage - but alone. I wonder if the stage is too empty even though I enjoy the visuals that LED screens are providing. This can fail but I want to believe so IN. 

5. Belgium -  Gustaph - Because of You 

Gustaph has been one of the raising stars of this season, selected quite early on last winter. This is catchy, super 90′s - and it works in my opinion, LED screens are showing the lyrics, Gustaph and his backing vocals / dancers are having fun on stage which will sure come across to the audiences at home. IN.  

6. Cyprus -  Andrew Lambrou -  Break a Broken Heart

This is a decent pop song with a beautiful man singing well - it offers nothing new but what it does it does it well This reminds me of Estonia 2021, it didn’t go through though so bad example but as a song type and a bit visually. 

He sings well. On the stage he’s alone but his presence does fill it. I usually don’t lean on too much whose neighbours are in which semi but Greece is in semi II so... I’m pretty confident this will go to the final. IN. 

7. Iceland -  Diljá - Power

This girl is so full of enery and POWER. There’s a lot of love for this I know even though personally I’m not connecting with this. She’s in a such great physical form obviously but I find her movements and dancing a bit weird even though they might show off her power indeed. The visuals are better on the LED screen what they were in Iceland but I do wonder does the stage look empty? The vocals she nails every time though. 

Iceland does struggle usually to get through - they don’t have loyal neighbours who would back up them and even other Nordics tend to find them weird. I have too many doubts - OUT. 

8. Greece -  Victor Vernicos -  What They Say

Victor’s indie pop song starts a bit slowly. The energy is great at its best but you need to wait for it. Visually I like the colour choices here (anything but red please!) and the lightning effects do work well. I’m not super on board about the wardrobe choice and his jumping - even though it’s age appropriate as he’s 16 years only. But maybe this will appeal more to the younger generation. On the LED wall they also use his own face being reflected - which seems to be somewhat a trend also in ESC 2023. His pronounciation has improved though.

However, Greeks tend to receive votes annyally from their neighbours (Cyprus especially) which might save them even with a weaker song. I see enough potential here so IN. 

9. Poland - Blanka - Solo

This is the hit for summer 2023! Not my personal favourite but this has been elevated a lot by the staging. The colours, visuals (especially on the floor) highlight the summer theme and as a song this is instantly catchy. 

They’ve also added a dance break + wardrobe change which I think work better than in Israel’s performance this year from Semi I. This is IN. 

10. Slovenia - Joker Out - Carpe Diem

Right after the release of the Carpe Diem this grew quickly to become a fan favourite. There’s a lot of positive, free, catchy energy here which will come across despite of not being sung in English. The rehearsals and preparties have proved how the band has charisma and confidence to carry this through. During the clips we don’t see any big props or tricks on the stage except the Carpe Diem reflected in the background - simplicity works here the best. 

I’m slightly put off by the pink outfits as we have some this year. However, potential Top 10 in the Final. IN! 

11. Georgia - Iru - Echo

Georgia often joins the party but their efforts are often not memorable in Eurovision. Not this year. Iru’s vocals are amazing, lyrics not so much but this song is hell of a stormy ballad. The staging supports this with lots of wind I like the so called waterfall LED screens behind her. The white outfit with red lips is divine. 

The idea of the song and performance is not complicated but this is a fine example how simplicity sometimes works the best when performed by a true professional. She slays this easily to the final and will bring Georgia its best ESC result to date for sure. IN. 

12. San Marino -  Piqued Jacks - Like an Animal

We have a few rock entries in this semi. San Marino however offers perhaps the weakest of them unfortunately. Another red theme here, they seem to lean on the rockers charisma but as a song it’s not memorable and catchy in the same way as Slovenia and Australia are. He sings well, they sound good, the lights effects work what we saw from the rehearsal clips. 

However, this doesn’t enjoy much of the ESC hype, love, interest based on the clicks and San Marino has struggled in the past to qualify. I don’t see this year being different unfortunately. OUT. 

13. Austria -  Teya & Salena -  Who the Hell Is Edgar?

These girls don’t take themselves seriously. Their song reflects the same attitude. Instantly catchy, memorable - no one can stop themselves to “poe, poe, poe..” after hearing this. They have a good use of the stage here. It is red theme again but it’s detailed and well executed, we have Edgar Allan Poe face in the background, the girls’ styling is on point, the movements that they do make sense. Clearly a lot of planning and thought has gone into this staging. 

I can’t say nothing bad about this. Probably a winner of Semi II. IN. 

14. Albania -  Albina & Familja Kelmendi - Duje

Albania is every year the first official entry for a new ESC season. Very often I end up supporting them because their songs are high quality, ethnic and tell  a story. Not this year. I’m not connecting with this. And based on the clicks and views, listens not many do.

When Albania hasn’t had a red staging in Eurovision? It’s their national colour but after San Marino and Austria’s red performances... this might not stand out. Albina performs her emotional, dramatic song with her family. I struggle to recognize Albina from the rehearsal clip to be honest but on the other hand she is the only one properly styled compared to the family. We have lots of split ends here and I’m deeply concerned for Albania. I say OUT. 

15. Lithuania -  Monika Linkytė - Stay

My ESC guilty pleasure for 2023 season. I like this one a lot. The gospel kind song and Monika is easy to approach. They’ve transferred the same staging from Lithuania to Liverpool but everything is bigger and brighter. I love how Monika and the background singers have been styled - visually this is beautiful.

Vocally she nails it - no concern. As a song, this tends to start a bit slowly. This is the entry which I’m most doubtful about if it will go through or not. It might. It might not. I say OUT. 

16. Australia - Voyager - Promise

Voyager tried to get their feet wet at ESC already last year but instead became a runner-up in Australia Decides. Their current song Promise is constantly being compared to last year’s Dreamer which perhaps was a bit more impactful.

However, their live staging is full of rock’n roll and high energy. They know what they’re doing and the lead singer is very charismatic. This is load enough which I believe will not be unnoticed by the voters. IN. 

Did you agree with my choices? Or disagree with my opinions? Who do you think will qualify from Semifinal 2? Talk to me in the comments below!

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I’m going to be pretty upfront. 

I get the need to take breaks from being online. I understand what it’s doing to me emotionally and even when I do my best to be composed and stay well within the lines of my general character; I end up more and more angry by the day.

The reason it’s so hard for me to just “check out” and be offline though is because I’d have to cut all media out of my life almost entirely just to disconnect. Except I have no friends where my new job is located, my car is a PoS that’s constantly breaking down. I’m a social person by nature and like being around people. And most importantly, given the fact that I view the world as being on fire, I don’t want to check out, and end up not seeing when the next insane thing is going to come around with lighter fluid with the full intention of burning me. 

Long story short, I’m unhappy in my own life and hate seeing what’s becoming of the country I love. And having to face both of those things at the same time is hard. What’s more, people I’ve known for lengthy periods of time have gone out of their way to misrepresent me to others or take stuff I’ve said fully out of context to make me seem like a bad person. And it’s super common in my life that I deal with it. Frankly, I would never be the type to end myself, I’m too stubborn. But I wonder to myself a lot of the time if I really have any worth at all. 

I often think, “Wow. I’m an amalgamation of good and bad of probably 25-30 people who helped raise me. A man who thought he was better than and smarter than everyone else. And as ashamed as I am to say it, I picked up a lot of how I talk from him. I’ve tried to change it for years and nothing else sticks. That being the root of why people tend to not fully grasp things the way I mean them. I’ve lost a lot of friends for that reason and frankly I hate it. I hate myself for it. And I really often wonder if anyone would miss me. I wonder if there’s a point to still being here. I ask myself all the time what if I was just gone one day. 

It’s really hard for me now a days because the people I encounter in my life always seem so open and accepting. Right up until you rub them the wrong way once. Then they take anything else after that, even misunderstandings, exaggerations, and honest mistakes....and they add them to the pile. And they just keep adding and adding until they either cut you out of their life in one big blow up, while not communicating in a way that’s easy to understand what/when you do things wrong. Or they just ghost people. I have a very peculiar process by which my mind processes information. This in turn leads to me laying out the information as my brain processes it. Often, it makes sense in my head, but not to others at all without almost hrs of explanation. And by the time I make my point enough for them to understand, they have long since checked out. Repeat this process often enough and they stop caring outright and start to resent you for it. And that’s my entire life experience with communication. It’s also why I hate myself so deeply. I’ve been abused by my mothers ex husband, *the guy I got my speech patterns from*. I was sexually assaulted by a family friend early in my life. I was bullied throughout most of my life, and I’ve been manipulated and taken advantage of by people whom I wanted to trust. This including a best friend who lied to a girl I was both living with and dating, saying I had cheated on my ex when it had never happened. A question she asked me about later and she told me that my friend had told her that while they were along for 2 min in a car in the passenger and back seats respectively. 

Honestly I wonder how much more until I get the nerve to just drive head first into a semi going 80. Frankly I have no idea. Plenty of people hate me as is anyways. Plenty of people have false perceptions of me. Plenty of people would probably love to see my brains splattered on the pavement. I don’t know. Maybe my bull headedness won’t be enough to suppress the self loathing. Who knows I guess.