#I just need some time to focus on projects I’ve been meaning to finish

[crystaljelly64]

So I finished this for yesterday’s prompt, even though I’d be working on it for a while but here, have the boys as goldfish merms (Yesterday’s word was Goldfish, so yeah)

Steven likes to collect cool rocks, Marc and Jake like to find some for him every now and then :)

(I feel like I have to clarify that goldfish do not survive in the ocean, so like, imagine them living in a lake somewhere, I guess, idk)

[ametrictonofaudacity]

Gaps Interlude

Warnings: stalking, implied violence, obsession, manipulation, written through yandere’s pov, delusion.

I’ve decided to do a short interlude for Gaps! All of the interludes will be told from one of the Batfam’s prespective, so enjoy!

Dick meets you in one of Gotham’s many coffee shops in the tourist section. The place is homey and warm, a personal favorite of his since it always seemed to lull Tim into a relaxed enough state that his little brother could be cajoled or bribed into sleeping when he got home, and the people are the same. Which is why you catch his eye so quickly.

You look exhausted. The sort of exhaustion that causes droopy eyes and a tired slump to the shoulders, that made your face seem dull and listless. You were pushing through it, though, staring at the laptop in front of you with a tired focus that reminds him of Tim on the days when his little brother simply had to finish a project. It’s barely even a brief thought, that flickers in the back of his mind.

(Later, Dick will wonder if that thought is what started all of this. Later, he will card his fingers through your hair as you sleep peacefully in your bed, unaware. Later, he will wait as Jason and Bruce bring home his newest sibling.)

But at the time, he doesn’t think much of the concern blooming in his chest. He approaches you, an easy smile on his lips, carefully keeping his body language open, so that he didn’t frighten you.

“Hey. You look a little out of it, everything alright?” He calls gently, and tired eyes glance up at him, lips pulling down into a frown. Now that he was closer, he could see your ragged appearance, more than just the lack of sleep.

Your clothes weren’t threadbare, but they were definitely old, the fabric of the joints stretched and worn. A grey hoodie, jeans, common wear for just about anyone in Gotham. If it wasn’t for the way you were clearly struggling, Dick doesn’t think he would’ve noticed you.

(Later, the thought feels impossible. Of course he’d notice you, you were his little sibling, even if neither of you knew it yet.)

“Oh, um.. working on a paper for my classes. I’m supposed to do an informative paper on how vigilantes have influenced measure of force laws.”

“Are you taking criminal justice? I had to write something similar when I was in college for my degree. Mind if I sit?”

“Nah, sure, go ahead. And no, it was a randomly assigned topic. I think she picked something so specific to see how good our research skills are.”

“Would you like some help?”

The offer surprises you. It surprises him, really. He doesn’t mean to say it, it sort of just slips out, which should alarm him because he hadn’t been this impulsive around new people since he got B’s training. It doesn’t.

You accept, even with your surprise.

And Dick helps you.

He keeps helping you, helping you when you needed to do a paper, when you needed to do just about anything.

(Later, he will continue to help you, even if you think you don’t need his help anymore. That’s okay. You were his little sibling, and he would help you whether you wanted him to or not.)

Over time, he notices things. He doesn’t mean to, he really doesn’t, but there’s only so much you can ignore when you’ve been trained by Batman and been through all the things he has. And it’s not like you do a very good job hiding it.

The first time he visits your apartment, there are meds in your bedside drawer, which is cracked open. He makes a note to read the scripts, later, so at the very least he could help you in the ways you needed him to. He waits until you are out of the room, sliding the drawer open silently, and looking them over. Meds for anxiety, depression, ADHD. A planner full of notes and reminders, a checklist of all the tasks you had to do to take care of yourself.

A journal, hidden in the back.

He slides it into his jacket without a thought, putting all the other items back.

Every word from the journal just makes the overwhelming need to protect you grow. You wrote about your memories, your struggles. You wrote about how hard it was to stay alive and sane in a city that so often turned out criminals and murderers. You wrote about how much it hurt, sometimes, being alone. You wrote about how you couldn’t trust anyone, even though you wanted to.

And you write about Dick.

The first time he sees an entry about him, he feels something curl in his chest, pleased and content. You had called him caring, had called him nice. You had called him sweet. Had admitted to wanting to be able to trust him, to appreciating his calls and his texts and his reminders.

And even Dick can admit that it makes him worse.

He calls you more often, talking about anything and everything. He reminds you to eat, or drink water, and even though you don’t like it, you listen, often complaining you were an adult even as he could hear you filling a glass.

(Later, Dick would look back on it fondly. You’d acted exactly like an irritated little sibling.)

He doesn’t start to follow you until later, and he’s amazed how quickly it becomes routine.

He just.. can’t help it. You’re all alone, in an apartment in Gotham, struggling and on your own. Any instance where a threat gets too close to you, it’s quickly dealt with.

He introduces you to his family. Damian first, of course, because he wouldn’t have it any other way, and it goes amazingly. You’re involved, treating his little brother kindly but without pity, and it makes him so happy to see his little siblings getting along. You tell Damian about a kitten you had, a Maine Coone named Momo, talk to him about past and current pets. By the time the conversation is over, he can tell Damian must adore you as much as him and the thought makes his heart soar.

He introduces you to Bruce, next. His adoptive father takes one look at you and he can practically see the man filling out the adoption appears already. He doesn’t think he expected anything less.

Jason introduces himself by breaking into your apartment, making you food, and having a two hour long conversation with you about literature.

And every sibling that meets you falls in love with you, and every one of them adore you, and it just makes Dick want to take you home even more because they’ve never all agreed on anything but they all agree you should be at home with them.

So when Bruce sends Damian to steal your ID, he doesn’t protest. When Bruce changes your meds from an anti-anxiety med for sleeping to a mild sedative, he says nothing. They had a plan after all. And a part of that plan was to make it so that you wanted to go home with them.

When Jason and Bruce bring you home, slumped in Bruce’s arms as the man watched you with a gentle expression, he can’t help the rush of joy in his heart.

He had never really been a patient guy, anyways.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #5 – The Tusks of Extinction by Ray Nayler

I read Nayler’s The Mountain in the Sea last year and, despite thinking it was ultimately kind of a noble failure, liked it more than enough to give his new novella a try. It didn’t hurt that the premise as described in the marketing copy sounded incredible. I can’t quite say it was worth it, but that’s really only because this novella barely cost less than the 500-page doorstopper I picked up at the same time and I need to consider economies here – it absolutely lived up to the promise of its premise.

The book is set a century and change into the future, when a de-extinction initiative has gotten funding from the Russian government to resurrect the Siberian mammoth – or, at least, splice together a chimera that’s close-enough and birth it from african elephant surrogate mothers – to begin the process of restoring the prehistoric taiga as a carbon sink. The problem: there’s no one on earth left who knows how wild mammoth are supposed to, like, live- the only surviving elephants have been living in captivity for generations. Plop the ressurectees in the wilderness and they’ll just be very confused and anxious until they starve. The solution: the technology to capture a perfect image of a human mind is quite old, and due to winning some prestigious international award our protagonist – an obsessive partisan of elephant conservation – was basically forced to have her mind copied and put in storage a few months before she was killed by poachers.

So the solution of who will raise and socialize these newly created mammoths is ‘the 100-year-old ghost of an elephant expert, after having her consciousness reincarnated in a mammoth’s body to lead the first herd as the most mature matriarch’. It works better than you’d expect, really, but as it turns out she has some rather strong opinions about poachers, and isn’t necessarily very understanding when the solution found to keep the project funded involves letting some oligarch spend a small country’s GDP on the chance to shoot a bull and take some trophies.

So this is a novella, and a fairly short one – it’s densely packed with ideas but the length and the constraints of narrative mean that they’re more evoked or presented than carefully considered. This mostly jumps out at me with how the book approaches wildlife conservation – a theme that was also one of the overriding concerns of Mountain where it was considered at much greater length. I actually think the shorter length might have done Nayler a service here, if only because it let him focus things on one specific episode and finish things with a more equivocal and ambiguous ending than the saccharine deux ex machina he felt compelled to resort to in Mountain.

The protection of wildlife is pretty clearly something he’s deeply invested in – even if he didn’t outright say so in the acknowledgements, it just about sings out from the pages of both books. Specifically, he’s pretty despairing about it – both books to a great extent turn around how you convince the world at large to allow these animals to live undisturbed when all the economic incentives point the other way, a question he seems quite acutely aware he lacks a good answer to.

Like everyone else whose parents had Jurassic Park on VHS growing up, I’ve always found the science of de-extinction intensely fascinating – especially as it becomes more and more plausible every day. This book wouldn’t have drawn my eye to nearly the degree it did if I don’t remember the exact feature article I’d bet real money inspired it about a group of scientists trying to do, well, exactly the same thing as the de-extinctionists do in the book (digital resurrection aside). The book actually examines the project with an eye to practicalities and logistics – and moreover, portrays it as at base a fundamentally heroic, noble undertaking as opposed to yet another morality tale about scientific hubris. So even disregarding everything else it had pretty much already won me over just with that.

The book’s portrayal of the future and technology more generally is broader and less carefully considered, but it still rang truer than the vast majority of sci fi does – which is, I suppose, another way of saying that it’s a weathered and weather-beaten world with new and better toys, but one still very fundamentally recognizable as our own, without any great revolutions or apocalyptic ruptures in the interim. Mosquito's got CRISPR’d into nonexistence and elephants were poached into extinction outside of captivity, children play with cybernetically controlled drones and the president of the Russian Federation may or may not be a digital ghost incarnated into a series of purpose-grown clones, but for all that it’s still the same shitty old earth. It’s rather charming, really.

[pikapeppa]

Year-End Writer's Round-Up: 2023

It’s that time of year, writer friends — time to take stock of what we’ve been up to this year! Tagging to literally ANY AND ALL WRITERS who would like to participate, but I’ll throw down some tags from the top of my head: @contrivedchaos @jadefyre @kittynomsdeplume @iamcayc @hollyand-writes @elveny @johaerys-writes @crackinglamb @mogwaei @alyssalenko @about2dance @cthu-boo @chloefraazers @fogsblue @lordofthenerds97, join in if you fancy!! If you're not a smut writer, feel free to leave out those stats, and feel free to add any accomplishments and "metrics" that are significant to you! 🥰

(Blank template at the bottom for convenience!)

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!!): 999 496 — ARGH IT WAS SO CLOSE TO A COOL MILLION. I did this calculation on the evening of Dec 31 and I was like DAMMIT I NEED TO WRITE A DRABBLE LMAO. 😂🙈 Honestly, I’m surprised the word count was so high this year — I could have sworn my word count had dropped because I wrote very little for a few weeks after BG3 first came out LMAO!

Smut scenes: 42 — I've done better LOL. I’ll blame the slow-burn BG3 ships I’m working on currently. 😂

New things I tried:

I started dabbling in M/M smut this year, in the context of my beloved Horizon F/M/M polycules (Aloy/Drakka with either Kotallo or Nil). Usually when I write F/M/M threesomes, the focus is on the men pleasing the lucky lady of the group, but I headcanon Drakka in particular as being very unapologetically bi, so it’s only fair and right that he get some sweet M/M action. I’m looking forward to putting this M/M practice use on Halsin/Tav/Astarion when my BG3 writing finally gets to that point! 

This was also the first time that I wrote an AU where I gleefully yeeted the canon deaths LMAO. I’m usually a stickler for adhering to significant plot points including character deaths, but the dastardly and darling @iamcayc nudged me into writing Here Come the Dreams, where Varl and Fashav both get to live, and it was a total delight to keep those darling men alive and happy. 

I wrote a smut scene in first-person POV for the first time, using the adorable voice of Karlach from BG3. This was a particularly interesting challenge because I feel that the first-person voice calls for a more urgent in-the-moment kind of narration, which means that I had to alter my usual way of writing smut in terms of phrasing/wording and pacing, so it was a fun challenge! 

With Astarion/Tav/Halsin, this is my first time writing an OC who falls in love simultaneously with two people, and it’s been… interesting trying to negotiate the polycule coming together. Of course I had to get enamoured with (arguably) the two most emotionally complicated male LIs in BG3 and make my own life difficult, LMAO. I’ve been struggling a little with bringing the relationships together and it’s been slowing my writing down over the past month or two, but I’m trucking on because I love both Halsin and Astarion and I really do believe in the dynamics of the OT3. SILVANUS GUIDE MY HAND AS I FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.

Fic I spent the most time on: 

Even The Hardiest Desert Blooms! I really sank my focus into my beloved Desert boy this year and wrapped up his fic, which is always a bittersweet feeling when you adore the pairing. 😭

Fic I spent the least time on:

Burning Blue (Karlach/Dammon). I was bitten by a sudden bug of adoration for them, and that piece basically came together in a day and a half because I was on fire to get it out. I LOVE THIS PAIRING SO MUCH. 😭🔥

Favourite thing I wrote: 

Even The Hardiest Desert Blooms has always been my self-indulgent pleasure because I just love Drakka to the moon and back, so focusing a lot of this year on his fic was a treat. But Here Come the Dreams was also an enormously fun project because I just went ham and hyperfocused on it for a month and a half. I really wanted to see if I could finish it in a month just for shits and giggles, but AS ALWAYS it ended up being longer than anticipated so I didn’t meet that goal, but it was still a total ball to come up with a fun little project and finish it as quickly as possible. 

Favourite thing I read: 

Hands-down, without a doubt, What’s A Sex Tape Between Friends?  by @auntie-coagulant. I don’t read much fanfic, and when I do, it's only for the ships that I don't write. So when I saw this fic recommended in the Kotallo server and I was like “Travis/Lis?? You have my attention.” My eyes were popping and I was HOWLING by the first chapter, and I’ve been dead in the water for this fic ever since and procrastinating on finishing the fic because MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT READY FOR THE HEARTBREAK.

Writing goals for next year: 

Finish Coming In Like A Western Wind. I’ve been sleeping on this fic since September because Astarion and Halsin turned my head and I feel really bad about it… but I do mean to finish it! 

Just keep on keeping on with my BG3 fics for Astarion and Halsin! I’ve been DYING to write smut for Halsin for months, and I have images living rent-free in my head of Astarion enjoying some very tender sensate focus, so let’s hope I get around to writing these scenes before I explode. 

**************

Template time!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!)

Smut scenes written (if applicable)

New things I tried

Fic I spent the most time on

Fic I spent the least time on

Favourite thing I wrote

Favourite thing I read

Writing goals for next year

Enjoy, friends!!! And cheers to another fulfilling year of writing! 🥰🥂

-- love from your friendly neighbourhood Pika! xoxo

[multifariousqueer]

I’ll do anything, Professor

a/n: Hiiiii! I’ve been meaning to post and make this for a while now so here it is! This is possibly my filthiest work lol. I hope you enjoy! <3

warnings: SMUTTTT, age gap (19 and 24), teacher!Peter x student!reader, oral(f and m receiving), yandere behavior(both parties), spanking, no protection(wrap it before you tap it), Dom!Peter x Sub!Reader, angst, toxic relationships, cursing, daddy kink, overstimulation

summary: You’re failing physics and your professor doesn’t want that to happen ;)

No matter how hard you tried, you just didn’t get it. It didn’t matter who explained it, you just couldn’t grasp physics. It was hard for no reason and completely pointless for what you wanted to become in life. All you wanted was to be a computer scientist and you couldn’t fathom how Physics fit into that. But if you wanted your degree, you had to do the class. Luckily for you and every girl and some guys, the professor was hot. He also explained everything in super great detail. You had had a crush on him since the beginning of the year and every now and again, you caught him staring at you. You always wore tight and revealing clothes the days you had physics and it never payed off(or so you thought).

It was like clockwork. You woke up at 9:00am, got a shower, put on a short skirt that was a bit short for comfort, and a crop top that accentuated your tits. You said bye to your roommate and headed out to Dunkin before heading to class. You always made sure to get there early so you can talk with Professor Parker. He enjoyed your little discussions about your other classes, the little bit you did understand about physics and your collective love for the Star Wars franchise. You started watching it for him but it quickly became your favorite series. He enjoyed talking to you and hearing what you had to say about some of the most basic stuff. 

You walked in and struck up a conversation with the man:

“Hiiii Mr Parker.” you said, a bit flirtier than you'll admit.

“Hi Ms. L/n.” Peter said plainly.

You struck up a conversation over the new baristas at Dunkin messing up your refresher and before you knew it, it was 10:15am and class was about to start. You happily took your seat but not before Peter caught a glimpse of your outfit and your panties underneath. He felt himself grow hard but he ignored it. 

Class had begun and you were still confused. You had managed to grip the key concepts but everything else was going over your head. You just sat and stared at your professor until you heard him call your name:

“Ms. L/n, do you know one of the four fundamental forces?”

“Uhmm, gravity?” you replied.

“Correct. The gravitational force is the fourth and final fundamental force. Good Job, Ms. L/n.” He said. If you weren’t mistaken, you heard a hint of pride in his voice.

You had smiled and went back to looking at your laptop with your notes on it. 

Before long, class was almost over and Mr. Parker was giving his closing statements:

“Okay class don't forget your homework on Newton’s first law and please do your project, it’s due at 11:59 at night. And as always-” He started

“Stay Curious.” The class and you finished.

He smiled and said:

“Very good.”

Everyone got up to leave before he went up to you and asked to speak with you. You happily obliged and he showed you your grades.

“Ms. L/n, you’ve barely gotten above a C. Is everything alright?” He asked, voice dripping with concern. He pulled up a chair and you sat in it with your legs crossed.

“Yeah it’s just I’m having a hard time understanding and focusing.” You said shamefully.

“What’s drawing away your focus? And what do you need help understanding?” He asked.

“Just some stuff happening at home. I’ll find a tutor don't worry.” You said

“I don’t mean to pry but if you need to talk I’m here and I’m also a part time tutor.” He said.

“Since when?” You asked in a flirtatious way. You had never heard him talk about tutoring anybody before.

“Since my favorite student told me she needs help.” He replied. You felt both honored and a bit turned on at his response.

You chuckled but before you could say anything he said: “Meet me here at 10:30 tomorrow.” You knew he only had classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays so it would just be you two.

“Yes, sir.” You said with a smirk. 

Peter felt his pants tighten a bit and his cheeks heat up. He felt guilty because he wanted to help you but at the same time, he wanted to fuck the shit out of you. The age gap felt weird to him but lets face it, his best friend is dating a 18 year old so it is what it is. He knew he couldn’t take much more of your teasing so he hatched a plan.

The next day

The day started as any other did except, you were ecstatic to be alone with your favorite teacher-turned-tutor. You put on perfume, curled your hair and even put on a bit of makeup. Your outfit was the perfect mix of slutty yet subtle. Your skirt was short and your top showed so much of your cleavage it was basically a bra. You sported knee high socks with forces to match. You grabbed your stuff and headed to his class.

The second you got there his eyes traveled to your face then your tits. He felt his dick grow harder and harder with each step you took. You smiled and said:

“Ready to learn professor.” 

“Sit” He smirked.

Things were going well until he put his hand on your thigh. You smiled knowing that your outfit was working. You would be in his bed in no time. You exposed your neck by flipping your hair and sending the subtle scent of your perfume his way. It was driving him crazy. You felt your arousal grow in your panties and your nipples grow hard. He could smell your pheromones and he could only imagine how good you would feel around him. 

It was a game of truce. He would raise his hand higher as you would tease him. You knew you two wouldn’t last long so while he was talking you decided to be bold.

You were giving your two cents and leaning closer and closer to him. He was leaning as you were leaning; his brain going berserk over you sharing the same desires as him and before you knew it, your lips had met. He grabbed your chin and migrated to grabbing your jaw in his hand. Your delicate hands holding his face. He pulled you up with him and placed you on his desk.

“Are you sure about this Professor?” you breathed

“Yes. Are you?” he breathed

“Yea.” you moaned

The conversation was quick. He began rubbing your clothed cunt while simultaneously, grabbing your tits and kissing you. You let out a whimper which prompted him to kiss down your body and pull down your panties. You gripped the table for dear life as he began to lick a stripe up your cunt. You let out a moan and gripped his hair. He slid a finger into your dripping wet hole and said:

“I’ve been dreaming of this pussy for months.” Before kissing and sucking your clit.

“I’ve been dreaming of you daddy. Fucking me so good and cumming in me.” You moaned.

“mmmmm so kinky.” he smirked before slipping a second finger into you. 

You felt close to your edge. The pleasure causing your cunt to tighten around him:

“Don’t cum yet princess.” He said

“Please sir! I’ll do anything to cum.” you said desperately,

That the straw that broke the camel’s back. He knew he had you wrapped around his not-so-little finger then. He had you exactly where he wanted you.

“Anything?” He asked with a twisted smirk on his face.

“Anything.” you whined.

“Get on your knees.” He instructed.

You did as you were told and watched as he pulled down his pants and revealed his cock:

“Mmmmm you're so fucking big.” you said dreamily.

“Watch your mouth princess.” He said in a dangerous tone.

“Yes sir.” You said.

You flicked your tongue over the tip of his cock and ran a finger up his length. He let out the hottest whimper you had ever heard. You took what you could fit in your mouth and throat, and wrapped your hand around the rest. Your mouth and hand both bobbed up and down taking him as far as you could go. He moaned and pushed your head down as you bobbed. You felt the precum leak out of his tip and removed your hand to take more in. His balls hit your face as he slammed himself in and out of your mouth. To him, you looked absolutely gorgeous taking him like that. Your mouth covered in spit and precum as he thrusted into your face. Pretty soon his movement stilled and he gripped your head at his base; letting you know he came. He removed himself from your throat to reveal your tongue smothered in him. You gave him doe eyes before swallowing his cum. He smiled at you and said:

“Good girl. you earned your reward.”

You had assumed your rewarded would be an A or B on your next test but it was something even better.

He pulled you up and turned you around. He bent you over like you were nothing and smacked your ass. 

“I should've fucked you a long time ago if I knew you’d be so good.” he said.

You moaned at the stinging sensation as he did it again. He kissed where he had marked you and inserted himself inside of you. You moaned at the wonderful new sensation and at how amazing he felt inside of you. He was right: you two should've fucked a long time ago. 

He began slow at first, bending over with you to kiss your shoulder blade and thrusting into you while snaking a hand around to your clit,.

“You're such a good girl for daddy, princess.” he said deeply

“Thank you sir.” you replied

He stood up straight and began to fuck you. His dick felt so amazing and his hand felt just as good. Your eyes rilled back in your head as he pounded into you. The sound of your collective moans and skin slapping together filled the auditorium sized room. You felt his other hand grab your wrists and hold them together as his pace increased. Your moans and whimpered were getting louder as your wave of pleasure came crashing in like a tide. You felt yourself tighten around him which caused his pace to become sloppier and sloppier. You convulsed at the stimulation and came around him. It didn’t take long for him to finish in you as well. Your collective moans slowed as you came down. He pulled you around to him and kissed you sloppily:

“Let’s do this again, yea?” He breathed.

“Of course.” You winked.

You limped out of the room with your stuff in shaking arms. Making sure to sway your ass just a bit. 

When you got back to your dorm, you went to change when you realized your panties were gone. 

When Peter saw you had left your panties, he debated trying to find you and give them back but he decided to leave them in his desk drawer and give them a sniff whenever he missed you.

[atlabeth]

turn back the clock - rafe cameron

summary: your boyfriend breaks up with you days before your best friend's wedding. you're dreading having to face it alone, but when some behind-the-scenes tampering by the bride brings you back into contact with your high school crush, more comes to light than you could've ever imagined.

a/n: thank you to ri for helping me decide which current wip to finish and this post i saw on ig for inspiring it in the first place. i love second chance romance so much and the obx3 trailer made me wanna start writing for rafe again so here we are lmao.

this has been in google drive hell since august and i finished the rest of it all in one go at midnight when i was supposed to be doing homework. so i hope you enjoy

wc: 4.2k

warning(s): small bit of angst at the beginning but basically all fluff, like toothrotting. also reader was a college track athlete but nothing else about her is described

(no i will not stop using this gif of him in the blue suit<333)

You didn’t really wanna have to make this call. Instead, you just wanted to stew in your own misery, watch some sappy rom-coms that make you feel even worse about what happened, and maybe go out and buy a couple pints of ice cream. 

But the day wasn’t supposed to be about you. And you owed it to Elizabeth to at least explain why you might be in a vaguely shitty mood at her wedding.

Honestly, though—you should have expected this. 

“He what?” 

“Liz—” you started, but you knew once she got going there was no bringing her down until she was done. 

“He broke up with you?” 

“Yes,” you said, and you clenched your free hand in a fist to keep from choking up. He didn’t deserve any of your time, you knew that, but that didn’t mean you weren’t hurting. It didn’t mean tears didn’t well up every time you thought about him. “He just sprung it on me out of nowhere last night. I thought we were doing pretty well, but,” you let out a watery laugh, “I guess not.” 

“I can’t believe him,” she seethed. “I told you not to trust guys with J names, and Jason is like, the biggest offender! I told you the moment we met him at that frat party he was bad news—” 

“You don’t need to go on a rant!” you interrupted with a laugh. “I already know how much of a jerk he is— well, I might’ve just had my eyes opened to it, but I know. I just wanted to tell you that I’m… going through some stuff, I guess, in case I seem off during all the planning. But that’s all—you have to promise me that none of the focus is gonna be on me, because this is your day.” 

“...Okay,” she said after some hesitation, “but you can still rant to me whenever you want. Just because you’re one of my bridesmaids doesn’t mean all you have to talk about is the wedding.” 

“How can I not talk about the wedding all the time?” you exclaimed. “Lizzie, I’ve been involved in so much of the process with you that it’s basically all I can think about. This is the most excited I’ve been for anything ever.” 

“Didn’t your brother get married last year?” she said. 

“You know what I mean,” you chuckled. “I just can’t believe you’re getting married, and to Nate, too. It feels like it was just yesterday that you were telling me about the cute boy in your trig class, and six years later and you’re marrying him in a week.” 

You could hear the smile in your words. “It really does feel like yesterday, huh? I remember going on and on about how much I liked him after that group project we got stuck together for—y’know, your encouragement was the only reason I ended up asking him out.” 

“Then I’m glad I kept bothering you,” you said with a smile of your own. “You guys are so great together.” 

“I just wish you would’ve taken my—” Liz suddenly stopped talking on the other end, and you frowned a bit. 

“What?” 

“...Nothing,” she said very suspiciously after a pause. “I, uh— I just remembered there’s something I need to do. Wedding related. I’ll talk to you later?” 

“Yeah—” you said, but she had already hung up. You chuckled and shook your head as you set your phone down. 

You didn’t really know what that was about, but you were looking forward to the wedding—it didn’t matter that you were suddenly single. 

You and Liz had been best friends since you were put next to each other in the seating chart in sixth grade science—and even though she went to NC A&T and you were all the way at San Diego State, you talked basically every day for all four years of college. Sometimes you even made the flights to see each other, and it was worth every single dollar. 

It made you feel a lot better, knowing she had your back (and knowing that she had likely already blacklisted Jason from the guestlist made you feel pretty good too). 

What you didn’t know, though, was that what she was doing at that moment would make the wedding night a whole lot more interesting for you. 

And it all had to do with one Rafe Cameron from high school. 

-

The air was thick with a thousand different perfumes and the stiffness of hairspray along with a whole lot of anxiety as a result of the eight bridesmaids who inhabited the room trying to make sure they looked their best before the procession started in T-10 minutes. 

You were, of course, stressed as well. It was like everything that was fine for the months leading up to the wedding had suddenly decided to go wrong just to spite you. You’d forgotten to take a tag off of your dress and it was digging into a very particular spot of your back, your hair was not cooperating—Ariel and India and Natasha might have said that you looked beautiful, but it was just not working with you—and you were about to run out of your favorite mascara. All small things, but they were beginning to add up. 

And to add to your stress, your phone started to go off. When you opened it, you saw it was a text from Lizzie. 

girl I am so sorry to ask you this I know we’re so close to the start 

but Ayana just told me that she left my bouquet on the table in the sideroom of room 139, she forgot to take them out of the vase! 

sisters aren’t even on top of things when they’re your maid of honor apparently 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 

you’re the closest to the room and the only other person I can trust rn because Im going slightly wedding crazy, can you please get it??? I will love you more than my future husband and you will have my eternal gratitude 

using my track past against me i see 

you are pushing it babe 

I know 

help me obi-wan kenobi you’re my only hope 

lol 

dw I got this 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

You are my savior and all your drinks are on me next time we go out 

You sighed and shook your head, slipping your heels off in favor of the flats you came here in. The last thing you needed was to break an ankle before the procession. 

“I’ll be back!” you announced to the rest of the bridesmaids—though you weren’t sure any of them heard you in the havoc—before you ran out of the room. You were thankful this dress had a slit. 

It took a minute for you to get there, makeup and hair still intact, but when you did you didn’t see a vase. You huffed a sigh and got to work going through everything. The actual last thing you needed was for Liz to not have her bouquet as she walked down the aisle. 

“Oh— I’m so sorry, I didn’t even know there was another person in here.” 

You turned around from your crouched spot on the floor at the voice, and you nearly toppled over when you saw who it was. 

“Rafe?” you marveled. Though it was posed as a question, there was no doubt about it. You’d only thought about him basically every day for all of high school. 

He said your name with the same surprise, his eyes widening slightly at the same time as he stared at you for a moment too long. You swore his eyes went up and down, a slight pink tinge on his cheeks, when he blinked and shook his head. A wide smile spread across his lips in its place, and it did the same sort of thing to you that it did in high school. You weren’t immune to a Rafe Cameron grin as a freshman, and apparently you weren’t as a college graduate either. “What are you doing here?” 

“Trying to find Lizzie’s bouquet ten minutes before the wedding,” you said with a slight laugh. “What are you doing here?” 

“Uh, Topper left his pocket square in here, apparently,” he said. “We drove here together, and he’s the best man so he’s scrambling all over the place, and—” Rafe paused and he breathed a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners in the same way they did in high school. “You get the idea.” 

“Oh, yeah,” you nodded, and a smile pulled at the corners of your lips. “I had no idea you were gonna be at the wedding. I—” you chuckled and shook your head. “I guess I forgot that you and Nate went to UNC together.” 

“Yeah.” Rafe laughed again, though it was a bit nervous as he ran a hand through his hair, stuffing his other hand in his pocket. “It’s uh— it’s been forever since I’ve seen you, though. What, the last time we actually had a conversation was—” 

“That one party at UNC,” you supplied, and you stood up, leaning against the countertop. “The one that Liz dragged me to when I came to visit her for spring break sophomore year. We saw each other there.” 

“...Yeah,” Rafe repeated, and his smile softened. “Yeah, it was then. I didn’t know you remembered that.” 

“‘Course I did,” you said. “I mean, the last time before that was the huge party you, Kelce, and Topper all threw in the last week of summer. Before we all went our separate ways.” 

“Oh, that was…” he laughed as he bowed his head a bit. “That was something. Uh, it should be a rule pre-college boys should not be allowed to be around that much alcohol without supervision. I’m surprised no one died that night.” 

You grinned as the memory of it all came back. It was hard to believe that it was one of the last times you saw Rafe. That it was the last time you saw Rafe for two whole years, and the next time you got even the slightest glimpse of him was a minute long conversation with your very drunk self before you were dragged out by your one sober friend. 

Seeing Rafe was the only thing you remembered from that night.

“I can’t believe it’s been so long,” you said, your voice a bit softer. “College really did something to us, huh?” 

“Yeah,” he said, and his smile faded the slightest bit. “Being on separate coasts’ll do that to you.” 

Your expression softened, and you were about to say something when your phone buzzed in your hand. Panic jolted through you for just a moment before you read what the texts said. 

just kidding lol. It turns out that Alicia got the flowers when she was picking up the drinks from there for the reception

crisis averted!! 

I’ll still cover your drinks though since I prob gave you a mini heart attack and Im very sorry about that 

“Huh,” you said, and you glanced back up at Rafe. “Looks like I was sent on a mission for flowers that weren’t even here.” 

“Elizabeth’s probably all over the place,” he said. “I mean, I’ve been kinda stressed out and I’m not even part of the wedding party. Bridal nerves have gotta be a lot worse.” But then Rafe paused and took his phone out of his pocket, and his brow creased. 

“What’s got you lookin’ like that?” you asked. 

“Huh,” he said. “Topper actually just had his pocket square in his… other pocket. So I guess I was here for nothing then, too.” 

A laugh bubbled out at that. “We’ve got some very organized friends today, huh?” 

“Seems so,” he agreed with a smile. “But I’m glad he misplaced it.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Rafe nodded, and he shrugged. “I got to see you.” 

You felt the heat rush to your cheeks at an astronomical rate, and you had never been more thankful for your phone to buzz. 

But seriously you gotta finish getting ready we have like five minutes left before the organ starts playing 

liz if this was not your day i would be so mad at you

please. you can never be mad at me 

“I gotta go before I single handedly ruin this whole procession,” you joked, and you went past the entrance and Rafe. But just as you got a few steps away, you turned around and smiled. “I’m also glad that Liz sent me here.” 

Rafe chuckled, smiling inwardly as you hurried away. You didn’t know it, but his eyes didn’t leave you for a second. 

-

The wedding ceremony went fabulously. 

You got back in time and finished getting ready—for some reason, you felt a lot more confident in your appearance—and walked down the aisle arm in arm with a very lovely groomsman before taking your place at the front of the bridesmaid line. 

You cried. A lot. 

When you saw Liz walking down the aisle, when you looked up at Nate and saw the way he gazed at her with all the stars in his eyes, when her father gave her away, when they said their vows, when they kissed, when they walked off—you were a mess basically the entire time. Thank god for waterproof mascara. 

And then when you sat with the bridesmaids for the Liz and Nate's first dance and the parent dances, you cried again. And when Ayana gave her Maid of Honor speech and Topper gave his Best Man speech—you were like a waterfall. A complete mess, but a very happy one at that. 

But you managed to stop by the bathroom and fix yourself up in record time before you all went off to your normal seating charts, and god, you had never been more glad to have done so when you walked in and saw who was at your table. 

Liz either knew everything or nothing, because this... this was really something. 

“So we meet again,” Rafe said, another easy smile appearing as he turned to look at you. “Looks like this wedding is trying to make up for all the years we missed.” 

You chuckled and took your seat next to him. “Guess so. It’s not an easy feat, though.” 

“Six years was a long time,” he said. 

“Didn’t really help that my parents sold our house in the OBX after I graduated,” you said dryly. “I missed all those Rafe Cameron summers during college.” 

“‘Rafe Cameron summer’?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Didn’t realize there was a word for it.” 

“What can I say?” you shrugged. “I graduated with an English minor. It allows me to make up phrases whenever I want.” 

“Ah,” he said, nodding sagely. “I guess my… finance concentration means I control the stock market?” 

You laughed and shook your head. “You’re ridiculous. It obviously means you’re the head of the treasury. Keep up, Rafe.” 

“My bad.” He held up his hands with mock austerity. “Our time apart is the reason for such a ridiculous mistake.” 

You smiled, but it sobered a bit and you bit your lip. “On a serious note,” you said, “I’m… I’m really sorry.” 

Rafe frowned. “For what?” 

“For that time apart,” you said. “I came back to North Carolina more than a few times to visit Liz and some other friends, but I never came to see you. We were— we were good friends, Rafe, and I shouldn’t have just disappeared on you like that all because I was at a different college.” 

Somehow, his brow furrowed even deeper. “What? You can’t possibly be blaming yourself for this—people grow apart in distance. That… that just happened to us. I mean, you were in California and I was in Chapel Hill. That’s crazy distance.” 

“I still came back, though,” you said. “Just… never for you.” 

“...I didn’t expect you to,” Rafe said, looking right in your eyes. “No matter how much…” 

“What?” you asked after he trailed off. 

Rafe sighed, then shook his head, trying to clear his mind before he looked back at you. “Do you wanna dance?” 

“What?” you repeated, mostly because you couldn’t believe it. 

“Dance with me.” He stood up and offered a hand, passing a glance at the dance floor. All of the official dances had been done already so it was open to anybody, including you and your high school crush. 

“Okay,” you said with an almost breathless laugh, and you really felt like your freshman self again the way butterflies fluttered in your chest as you took his hand and walked over to an open spot. 

You and Rafe fell into an easy rhythm, like you’d been doing this all your lives, and it didn’t take too long for your conversation to follow. 

“So what did you get up to in all those years at SD State?” he asked. “All I really know about your college career is what I’ve gotten from Instagram and your parents’ Facebooks.” 

You laughed a bit. “Regular college stuff, I guess. I did track all four years and I won some awards, which was pretty cool. Went to a lot of parties, got drunk a lot, swore off drinking a lot, studied until I thought my eyes were going to fall out, then graduated with a chemistry degree. I’ve been working as a technician in a lab for the company I interned with for the past two years.” 

Rafe whistled. “‘Regular college stuff’, she says, as she describes an insane balancing act between student athlete life, partying, and schoolwork, and still being able to graduate with a STEM degree.” 

“You’re such a flatterer,” you admonished, but there was no real bite in your words. “That’s one thing that’s never changed.” 

“It’s easy to flatter a woman like you,” he said. “I mean, you’re out there changing the world. I feel like I’m not even worthy to stand in your presence.” 

You chuckled as Rafe spun you, and as your hands joined once again you offered a coy smile. 

“You know,” you said, feeling a surge of confidence with his words, “I had the biggest crush on you in high school.” 

Rafe’s eyes widened slightly, but he covered it up with a well placed smile of his own. “Really?” he marveled, and he said your first and last name, “you had a crush on me?” 

“Yep,” you nodded. “And she had it bad. If freshman year me could see this, she would be losing her mind.” 

Rafe laughed, and it spurned butterflies in your chest yet again—they were the same kind you’d felt whenever you talked to him back then, trying to catch whatever moments you could between your busy schedule and his own responsibilities. You were too scared to admit your feelings, but you enjoyed spending time with him nonetheless. 

If there was one thing this was proving, though, it was that your feelings definitely weren’t as settled as you thought. 

“Well, you know,” he said thoughtfully, echoing your previous words as he brought you back to the present, “I had a pretty big crush on you in high school too.” 

That completely threw you off your rhythm. So much so that you stumbled, totally missing your next steps—if it weren’t for Rafe catching you, you would’ve face planted. 

“Are you good?” Rafe asked, concerned. 

“You had a crush on me?” you asked instead. 

He laughed again and ran a hand through his hair before you fell back into your rhythm together—he had let it grow out some, you realized, and it looked infinitely better all ruffled and mussed up than styled. 

“Yeah,” he said. His smile wasn’t as confident as it always was, a boyish charm mingling with unusual shyness. “It, uh— it kinda snuck up on me. I didn’t really know how big of a crush it was until I was at your signing ceremony. Like, right after you signed the contract was when I realized I had it bad.” 

“My signing ceremony?” you marveled, and you shook your head in disbelief. “You really have great timing, Rafe. Couldn’t have realized a couple years earlier when we were still in the same place?” 

Rafe laughed softly. “Yeah. I really do. But I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make it harder for you. I mean, I was staying in the OBX for Chapel Hill, and you were taking the opportunity of a lifetime to run track in San Diego. I wasn’t gonna take your mind off of that because some hometown guy had a crush on you.”

“Some hometown guy,” you repeated, and it was your turn to laugh. “You thought that little of yourself?” 

“It’s true,” he shrugged. “I was just a friend that fell for you. I mean,” he gave you a crooked smile, “not that it was hard to fall for you. Pretty sure I was one of ten guys who wanted to ask you to prom senior year.” 

“Okay, that is not true at all,” you said, but you were stumbling over yourself just as quickly. He wanted to ask you to prom senior year? When the one thing that you thought about whenever you looked at him that spring was dancing with him at prom? “Grant Millwood was the only one that asked me.”

Rafe nodded with a laugh. “That was because he threatened everyone that he knew had a crush on you to make sure he would get to go with you.”

“And then he ditched me halfway through the night because he got too drunk to function off the alcohol he smuggled in himself,” you said dryly. “Yeah, he was a great date.”

“High school was the best,” Rafe said with mock austerity, “wasn’t it?”

“Oh, yeah,” you nodded. “I miss the kook academy every single day.”

“I still can’t believe you wanted to ask me to prom senior year,” you said, shaking your head. “Rafe, how did I not even know? Why didn’t you do it?” 

“And let you miss your chance with Grant Millwood?” Rafe over exaggerated his scoff. “Please.” 

A laugh spilled out as a smile shone through. “You would’ve saved high school me a lot of angst if you told her you had a crush on her, y’know. Then I wouldn’t have had to spend four years pining in high school.” And four more in college, and two more postgrad. 

(God, you wish he had told you sooner. You would’ve blown all of your money on tickets to North Carolina if you had even the slightest inkling your eternal feelings weren’t eternally hopeless.) 

“Goes both ways,” he said, tacking on your last name. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad you had it?” 

“Because I thought that there was no chance in Hell that Rafe Cameron would ever share my feelings?” you said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Come on, Rafe—you know who you are, who you were. You say a couple guys wanted to ask me to prom—every girl wanted to date you. I didn’t stand a chance.” 

“And yet you did,” Rafe said with a slight chuckle. He shook his head. “Y’know, if I could turn back the clock, I would’ve done so many things differently.” Rafe smiled boyishly. “I would’ve mustered the nerve to ask you to prom before Grant even got the chance. And I definitely would’ve asked you out instead of liking you in private.” 

You smiled and shrugged. He liked you then when you thought there was no chance—why not now, when you also thought there was no chance? 

“Who says you have to turn back the clock?” 

Rafe’s own grin grew immediately, and he pulled you off to the side of the dance floor. He held your hands in his own, the cool metal of his signet ring at odds with the rough calluses on his palms brushing against your skin. 

He said your name with such earnesty you felt like you could melt, and when you gazed into his eyes, you nearly did. “I think you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in every single way. I can’t believe that it took me meeting you by chance at a wedding for me to do this, but I’d like to fix a mistake I made five years ago by never doing this. Can I take you on a date?” 

“Rafe Cameron,” you said, and it was a physical effort to contain the joy nearly bursting out of you, “I would love that more than anything.” 

He grinned. “Great.” 

And then he cupped your face in his hands and pulled you in for the best kiss of your life, one that you immediately fell into with all the vigor of six years spent longing. 

When he pulled away, leaving you completely breathless with widened eyes and bruised lips, his sultry whisper nearly took you out. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for years.” 

You only had eyes for Rafe as you pulled him back into a heated kiss, pulling him by the cuffs of his baby blue suit. The only thing that got you away from him was the need for air.

"Me too," you murmured.

(And in the background, you were far too dazed to hear Liz’s victorious cheer.)

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator @louderfortheback 

obx tags: @milkiane @lilgoddesshines @sexytholland

rafe tags: @lurkymurker

[rdiowx]

FRANKENSTEIN FRANK IERO

Now posted on my ao3: Cndlewax

Frankenstein frank iero x gn! Reader

Ik i said this would be longer but I’ve been working on this for days and i actually dont know what i was going to do with it lmk if i should go on with the series

Now i when was trying to figure out which Frank era would fit Frankenstein i was thinking revenge so thats what i went with and is described here. However now that i think about it, Leathermouth and danger days wouldve been viable options (WHY DIDNT I DO DANGER DAYS IM LITERALLY SOBBING)

Reader is technically Frankenstein and Frank is Frankensteins monster, its like 1930s id like to think because of the 1931 Frankenstein movie, Reader is a mad scientist, Reader is lowkey kinda insane im not gonna lie (because who thinks of this kinda thing), Mikey shows up i just feel like he’s Frankensteins assistant Material, kind of detailed mention of limbs being sewn and stapled together, i mean technically Frank is put in an electric chair…, usage of Y/n,(i do plan on making this a series however if i do id probably move it to ao3 and it would be random chapters of teaching frank random things).

The village ‘mad scientist’ also known as Y/n, You had been rumored to be working on something for years, and you have. Today it should finally be done. You were currently hunched over your project, a man covered in staples, stitches and all sorts of other things. You make sure each limb is sturdy, sewing or stapling multiple times if you have to. When he comes to life —and you will make sure he will— you wouldnt want him to fall over. You need to make sure he can hold his body weight up. you are pulled out of your focus when you hear the lab door open, “I’ve brought good news.” Mikey exclaimed, holding a larger than average beaker in his hands.

You broke out into an extremely unsettling smile, Mikey only smiles back, used to your behavior having been friends with you since you were kids. “Did you get it Mikey?” You asked, at the edge of your seat, He only nods in response. You laugh and spin in your chair towards him, you grab and kiss his face enthusiastically. He playfully gags and wipes his face, having set the beaker down at your work table.

“What would i ever do without you Michael?” You exclaimed, Taking the beaker and quickly making your way to your experiment. Using your lab table to set him at a 90 degree angle you took the top of his head off, you needed to connect his brain stems. You needed to detach multiple places in order to do it, luckily you thought ahead and thought not to stitch these places before hand. Mikey made sure you had enough light to complete this task, holding a simple flashlight above your work area.

After attaching everything correctly you stapled and sewed, it would be a shame if all your hard work went to waste due to some poor patch job. You had been working on this for years, and finally you could finish it. You had done this once before, not anything near as big as this project, but on a salamander when you and Mikey were 16. The day you revived that salamander was the day you earned the ‘mad scientist’ title. “We’ve waited years for this Mikey, i dont think i possibly couldve gotten this done without you.” You said, wheeling over the machine that was going to bring your experiment to life. Mikey smiles proudly as you looked his way, quickly moving to your side as you waved your hand for him to come to you.

“You’re fucking crazy.” Mikey teased, smiling your way before putting his metal goggles —which you made to fit his glasses perscription because he complained about not being able to see every time— on for protection and stepping away from the now powered up machine. You only smile in response, putting your metal welding headgear on before pulling the last lever. The light from the electricity filled the room, you were sure any nosy civilian would be curious if they were outside right now. Turning off the machine you lift your headgear off before checking your experiment. Seeing his fingers twitch filled you with hope, a quiet groan filled your ears looking over, Mikey had a smug look on his face. You looked back towards the now living thing, His hazel eyes looking straight forward. “I feel like he needs a name, what are you thinking?” Michael asked, tilting his head before taking his goggles all the way off and setting them aside.

“Frank.” You replied simply, taking in the mans appearance.

He had a slight green discoloration, covered from head to toe in stitches and staples. you could see the stitches make indents and stretch his skin as well as with the staples, you were lucky he didnt have pain receptors or this would be a lot harder to pull off. A simple screw on the side of his head it was a decently sized one but not huge, maybe as big or slightly bigger than your hand. It was a screw that required a Phillips screw driver even though it was turnable by hand, his eyes had bags and his hair was greasy. His hair was nothing you had seen before, the sides were a light blonde and he seemed to have a mohawk but it was slicked down by the sheer amount of grease that had built up over the years and the front of his hair sat in the middle of his face. He was wearing an old suit you found in your closet, you dont know who it belonged to but you didn’t exactly care all that much. He looked to have had piercings from were you stapled his face, But it kinda fit him after all you could always fix it later. After a while you realized you would have to teach him how to do things again, he’s not what he once was. “Alright (Y/n), i have to go. Gerard is waiting for me to get back home and its getting dark.” Michael informed, hanging his lab coat on his designated hook by the door. “Be safe Michael, wouldnt want to lose my favorite lab partner.” You laughed, Michael rolled his eyes on the way out but not before shouting “im your only lab partner!” You could swear you could hear him mumble a quiet “Im your only friend at that.” Making you roll your eyes, you couldn’t be mad if he was right.

Now you were sat in your lab with your own creation staring back at you. ‘Lets see what you can still do.’ You thought to yourself before walking around to the still seated man. You lifted his arm to see if he could hold it up, He turned his head to face you and surprisingly he could, these are great signs. you sat in your spin chair and rolled your way to your clipboard that was on your desk. You needed to write stuff for your experiment down, right now you were the happiest you had been in years. You couldn’t suppress the slight smile on your face as you tested the staple covered man. After finishing your tests you wanted to move on to his speech, since you were the one who put him together you knew he was capable of doing so.

The only problem was you didnt know how, sure you knew how to talk but you didnt really know how to hold a conversation, if it wasn’t for Mikey you dont think you would talk at all if it wasn’t to yourself. Being the village scientist meant you were always in the lab, you hadn’t talked to anyone but Mikey or sometimes his older brother Gerard in years. You dont even remeber the last time you even left the lab, it was your house and Mikey did all of your errands. You supposed you could start with the basics, ‘hello’ or your name maybe even his. If you started with hello you’d have to explain what a greeting is, if you started with your or his name you might have to explain what a name even is and how to use it. You hadn’t noticed the man move from his spot, you were so busy staring off into space you didnt notice the prominent frown on your face as you stared at the wall. When you finally snapped out of it you panicked as you watched the man touch stuff on your lab table, almost spilling a tube of something before catching it and looking at you with guilt ridden face.

You quickly made your way to him, taking the tube out of his hand and putting it in its correct place. “Um, okay don’t- don’t touch anything on this table..got it?” You spoke, gently steering the man by his hand to sit at your desk chair. You pushed him into said chair maybe a bit rougher than you meant to, however he didnt seem to mind. “Okay.. your name is- can you talk?” You asked, you couldve maybe put in a little more effort but this was your first time doing anything like this. You only got a head tilt in response, it was like he could understand you but he couldn’t answer. You furrowed your eyebrows, Your reaction caused him to frown a little. “‘My name is Frank’ Can you say that?” You questioned, he could only get out ‘Frank’. It wasnt much but you could work with it after all you weren’t sure of what he was capable of, Sure he had human parts but he wasnt fully functional right now.

“Frank, frank is you.” You stated, pointing a finger towards him. “You?” He questioned, his index finger now pointing towards himself. You smiled before shaking your head, This caused Frank to smile as well however he looked sort of confused. You tried again pointing your finger towards him, “when i stick my finger out towards you it means ‘you’, when you stick your finger towards yourself it means ‘me’.” You stated, a look of realization crossed his face before he pointed to himself again. “Frank is me?” He asked, letting out a noise of what seemed to be happiness after you confirmed it. He was going to be trouble but you knew it was worth it, after all, you wanted this.

[inksandpensblog]

Please take as much time and breaks as you need! It's ok if you don't participate as much when participation is made to bring enjoyment! Please focus on what you want or need to do!

I hope things get better :]!!

Thank you.

To be honest, I think I’ve been in this state for a few months at least; the only thing that’s changed recently is the one big catastrophe that has forced me to reprioritize everything I do.

Also I’m still learning to be okay with the fact that I just don’t have the time or energy to deeply invest attention in my interests the way that I used to.

I want to read comics and fics and analysis, and respond to them, and write my own, and catch up on the series (I’m legitimately behind for the first time I can ever think of), and catch up with the friends of mine who’ve created art of all types for this fandom, but…so often now, it seems that even when I do have the time, I can’t drum up the energy it would take to really responsively involve myself in the stories, either as a creator or as an audience.

(That is something I’m hoping better time management can fix, so I can reserve energy for a venture that I deliberately set aside time for instead of leaving it to the chance of “when I have time” and then not having the energy to spare once “time” actually opens up.)

And they are all things that I do want to do, I love this series and the people I’ve met through it. I’ve made friends that I want to keep for life, here, and there are so many people with intriguing ideas and fascinating things to say. But…

…the thing I enjoy has been overwhelming to me for quite some time now, and I’m only now admitting that to myself because losing my car and my proofreading job has forced me to shift my attention away from it.

I look at this series and its fandom that I love and just see a mountain of stories and ideas and observations and art that I know I’m gonna have All The Thoughts about, which I’m gonna feel compelled to share, either in my own way or in response to someone else’s, because otherwise I won’t be able to think about anything else.

A mountain which I feel I need to catch up on, in order to keep up with everyone else.

And right now…I just can’t afford to do that.

I need to relearn that it’s okay to miss things. That not being first in line or even on-time for everything doesn’t mean I love this series any less, or make me any less of a member within the communities that surround it.

I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. I still have projects that I intend to finish, no matter how long it takes to actually develop them to a point where they’re shareable outside my group of brainstorming buddies. I still have friends that I’ll maintain regular contact with, even if we don’t talk about AvA as much for the time being.

But I haven’t been able to absorb anything new for a while now, and I think that means it’s time for me to take a step back for a bit. I shouldn’t feel dread every time a new video airs or a new comic or fic chapter is posted because I can’t handle the thought that there’s more work I need to do to keep up with it all. It shouldn’t be work.

Again, I’m not leaving. I’ll still be around, and I’m open to interacting with anyone who has questions for me or wants my thoughts on something regarding the series or my fanworks. I just won’t be the one prompting those interactions, for now; because for the foreseeable future, I won’t be investing my attention in this series or its fandom. I can’t be the one to start those conversations anymore, and I can’t respond to things that aren’t put directly in front of me with the intent that I, specifically, should see them. I don’t have the time or the energy, and having the will is just making it harder.

Sorry for the wall of text, ehe. Thank you for understanding.

[elekinetic]

user elekinetic do you have any tips to spare for outlining fics 😭 i feel like I word vomit any of the concept that I have in my head, and dialogue ,and build off that adding paragraphs as I go and I go so slow bc of it. But ive been trying hard lately to write a list of “scenes” and bullet point the story but yeah.

do you know anything that could help me have an idea of where to go start to finish instead of starting at the random spot I’ve come up with first? I waste so much writing time because I haven’t built a backstory for characters and things like that so i don’t always know how they start the story off, only the situation they’re in. Is that something that could help? Making a list for each character or something? Would love to hear your thoughts thank you! <3

hi! first of all i’m so flattered you asked! to be clear, i am a very slow writer too lmao and i’m relatively new to prose writing, and though in very confident in my understanding of what makes a good story (W screenwriting), i am still figuring out my outlining process. but hey! let’s learn together.

sorry in advance for how long this is. i love talking.

so i basically figure everything out in the outline and write after i feel very good about it. if you have a strong foundation, everything gets a hell of a lot easier. t kind of sounds like your process might be similar to mine, so i’m just gonna explain what i'm doing for my current project.

my key document is my “bible.” i split it up into a couple different sections using page breaks (page breaks my best friend ily page breaks):

pitch/word vomit summary

scene ideas

outline

notes

ok so wtf does that mean.

1. pitch/word vomit summary — explain your concept. bc i've got a film/tv background, im starting off with my logline. (e.g. "after robin learns will is gay, they have a heart to heart in an abandoned video store about insecurity and feeling alone. they learn they're not." sometimes i'll follow that up with a note to myself like, "this fic isn't robin finding out, this is what happens after. starts with her already knowing. will pov, focus on his perception of robin changing. subtly reference toward feelings about mike, dont come out (haha) and say it") then, i write as MUCH of the concept down as i can, like i'm explaining it to a friend. (sometimes i copy and paste rants from dms directly into the document). it can be totally out of order, non-sensical, contradictory. just get as many of your ideas down as possible. you want to be able to come back to this and be like, oh i totally forgot about that. vague chapter summaries, personal notes about themes, whatever you want. i have a list of beats that you find in romantic dramas for inspiration and a paragraph abt ways i want to parallel/subvert s3 of st. just. go ham. 2. scene ideas — this is pretty self explanatory. i take some of the stuff i have in the p/s and flesh it out, or put down new ideas. this is where i'm writing out dialogue in bullet points, or what i want them to be Really Saying. (e.g. "mike: [panics bc he feels seen, tries to flip it back on (redacted) and fails] ") this is for when i can see stuff more clearly or i get out of the shower with a whole exchange in my head. gonna be out of order, a little all over the place. 3. outline — so. this is where you start piecing it together. put the bullet points in order. figure out objective of each scene and what needs to happen to accomplish that goal. figure out pacing, what needs to happen when. this step is where im looking at dialogue and thinking "why does mike say that? why does he feel that way? what needs to happen to get him to this point emotionally?" or looking at scenes and thinking "these are two scenes with people arguing back to back. lets make sure they feel different and give the characters different tactics to get what they want (byler argument where mike is avoiding will vs max argument where max is avoiding lucas. i could use this to highlight similarities and differences in the relationships, but having two scenes with the same tactics back to back might feel repetitive. maybe i move the scenes farther apart or change circumstances. maybe mike and will are having a veiled argument while theyre with a group of friends in a public space and max and lucas' argument is outside max's house.) also asking if conflicts are resolved too quickly, if the miscommunications feel too convenient, if characters disappear or are only around as plot devices. write. troubleshoot. repeat. 4. random notes — everything else that doesnt fit. for me this is literally just taylor swift lyrics (writing the fic vaguely off of a Specific Song that SHOULD BE STREAMED MORE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE anyway) and links to posts i use as character reference to make sure im staying true to the characters. (remembering will said "i was being a total jerk to el, i deserved it," AND "you're ruining everything, and for what!"/"i wasn't moping!")

i want it to be clear im doing all of this at the same time. im jumping around and pulling new ideas and rearranging as stuff changes. i think the thing that's really hard is that i want to be able to sit down, write the outline, and then move on. but for us scatterbrained writers, you're gonna have to re-outline and readjust like. a thousand times. and that's okay. that's good! it feels tedious as hell but the story is so much better for it.

take your time. let yourself be slow. keep finding holes in your story and fill the world in as you fix them.

here are some more questions i ask myself to make the story better:

What are you trying to accomplish over the course of the story? What is it about? (for the will&robin fic, it was something about feeling seen for the first time.) When you get lost in your story or aren't sure why a scene feels stale, come back to this. is the scene furthering that goal?

What is changing internally for each of your main characters? (yes theyre dating by the end but like. what do they learn.)

Are the side characters people or props? (will pov scene of a party-wide picnic where everyone's talking but will is focused on mike's hands.... where is max's head at in the scene? you don't have to have a super long backstory and she doesn't have to be a big part of the plot, but if she's saying something, figure out why she's saying it. if will is having a heart to heart with el, understand why el is responding the way she is. the scene's goal may be to get will through a breakthrough, but el's circumstances will change in the scene too. figure out how this conversation lands with her. oh, and remember the adults are people too!)

Why is this character saying this/why are they responding this way? (this should answer your "where do i start?" question. start in that random spot and figure out A) why they are there and B) why they are reacting the way they do (see last bullet point).

side note: some of the best advice i ever got was "enter the scene late, exit early." skip the prologue. try starting from that random spot. if it feels like something's missing, figure out exactly what that something is, and go from there

Do the stakes feel high enough?

What do i need to set up to make sure this scene/beat is satisfying as possible? (are will and mike going to have a big argument? oh, so we have to show tension before.... BAM you have another scene to write and your outline is fuller)

i could go on a lot longer but. basically.

i edit while i write. i'm someone who needs a very fucking strong outline and a very fucking clear idea of the story before i can start writing it. i'm putting probably 70-80% of the leg work in at the start so i can focus on making the prose (or script, most of the time) the best it can be.

THAT BEING SAID, this is just the way i do it and i have like. a fic and a half published. im taking my sweet time bc im creatively burned out and this is for fun first and foremost. like i said. i am a Very Slow Writer.

i highly, highly recommend hitting up the ask boxes of writers like @/strangeswift, @/wiseatom, @/astrobei, or @/andiwriteordie. no guarantees on responses bc they are busy ppl with busy lives but i really do think theyre some of the best writers out here right now, and im not just saying that bc they're my friends. abby (strangeswift) and i have been each other's sounding board through a lot of projects and she's almost done with one of her first Big Fics, so its worth asking her about that.

i hope this helps! ah!!

[papyrus-in-practice]

Hey, y’all! I wanted to give an update on Papyrus in Practice and other related stuff.

“It’s been about a year, where’s the next page!?”

Wow, when I saw it’s actually been a year, I kind of blanched a bit. I didn’t mean for the hiatus to last that long. Next page is actually done. In fact, a couple of pages are either done or close to done. I’m trying to build up a big buffer so that, hopefully, there will be a smaller gap between updates in the future. My plan is to have eight pages completed, line art for four pages done, have the script for the next scene done, and have a couple of pages worth of sketches ready. As I’m typing this, six of the eight next pages are done with the remaining ones in various stages of completion and two of the four next pages have finished line art. I’ve been working and reworking and re-reworking the script for the final scene for the past twenty months and honestly frustrated in how to wrap up the chapter in a satisfying way that won’t make me stuck on chapter 4 for another two years because the climax and conclusion is so long. So, that’s where I’m at now.

“I wrote something in the ask blog and didn’t get a response.”

I read every comment and every ask sent to me and, most likely, have at least attempted to write a script to answer it. But, I gotta weigh my options. Do I answer it at risk of delaying Papyrus in Practice for another month or focus on the comic? Depending on how elaborate the answer is, it might take a while to make a response. There are also things I just don’t know how to answer to and, believe me, I’ve tried coming up with a good answer, but I’m also still learning about life myself and I’ve found that, sometimes, my answer to a question has changed a lot over time. Sometimes, I’m afraid of saying something that’s ultimately harmful. It’s a tricky balance. At the end of the day, I've never guaranteed a response to any ask and never will guarantee a response. There are still some asks that I'd like to get around to, maybe if chapter 4 finishes or I get burnt out while making it and need a change of pace.

“Are you actually a therapist?”

Yup. I just graduated this past May with a masters in art therapy counseling. My title right now is a qualified mental health professional or QMHP. I’m waiting to take the National Counselor’s Exam to obtain my LPC but government paperwork is a looooong process(seriously, some of my colleagues have been waiting in the queue for over a year to get their LCPC). In the meantime, I can still practice as a therapist as long as I check in with a supervisor and have been practicing and slowly building my caseload for the past couple of months.

“Can you be my therapist/give therapy to this person?”

The short answer is no. The long answer is that there are a lot of ethical concerns when it comes to providing mental healthcare and breaching ethical guidelines could impede therapy progress, bring potential harm to the client, myself, or I could get in big legal trouble. I can also only practice if the client is located in my home state and goes through the company I work for since I need supervision to practice. However, I’d be happy to provide resources like websites that help you find a therapist, even for a reduced price, or self-help sites that can help you learn skills and develop tools to use that can boost your mental well-being. I cannot, however, provide mental health services.

“Will (insert character’s name) meet with Papyrus?”

Maybe. I’ve got ideas for characters in mind, but it’s more a question of how much longer I want to be doing this for. I’ll be honest with y’all, I’m getting burnt out. I want to do different projects or even revisit older projects, but I tell myself I can’t do that until I finish Papyrus in Practice or, at the very least, finish chapter 4. I didn’t think this chapter would go on for as long as it has, but it also makes sense. We’ve already hit page 25 which is almost as long as the entirety of chapter 3 and I don’t even know if we’re halfway done with the chapter yet. The way it’s looking, chapter 4 may easily hit at least 50 pages.

“So, when will you be posting again?”

Soon! Hopefully, before the end of the year. When I start updating again, I’ll be posting one page every other week which gives at least a few months of content for y’all.

That being said, I’ll see you soon!

-Meemie

[rubyreduji]

My Heart Has Gone To You | 06

pairing: lee jihoon x f!reader ch notes: a bit of fluff between friends, heavy angst lol, protective!minghao, use of bunny as nickname (like once), lots of plot, asshole!jihoon w.c.: 6.7k a/n: i actually did so much calculated for the time frame to see when the right place to put jihoon's birthday in and i made a spreadsheet calendar and everything

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You’ve been so busy lately that you unfortunately haven’t had time to confess to Jihoon. With the winter season coming up you’ve been swamped at your photography agency with getting the winter fashion line photoshoots finished up. You’ve also been picking up more shifts at the restaurant due to being short staffed. That, on top of your classes, the newspaper, theatre, and the Fine Arts Showcase, you haven’t had much time to think about Jihoon and your feelings.

Sana and Nayeon (who was on the phone with Sana when you told her your feelings for Jihoon) helped you plan out the perfect way to confess to him but you just haven’t been able to put it into action yet. That doesn’t mean you don’t still see Jihoon, you just don’t have time to do something special yet. Most of your time together is spent either over video call or in the dining hall for a little bit before one of you is whisked away again.

On top of your own hectic schedule, Jihoon has been cooped up in his studio even more lately. He’s been working on something but you’re not quite sure what it is.

Normally you’d go over to his studio and pull him out for some time together, or would work on your own projects in his studio, but you haven’t even been able to do that. You’ve been too busy working on the finishing touches of the costumes for the fall play and finishing up your portfolio for the Fine Arts Showcase that you find even an hour to yourself a lifeline.

You’re grateful that after this weekend the theatre department won’t need you unless there’s a giant emergency, and next week is the deadline for your portfolio so you won’t have to worry about that anymore either. You’ll still have the newspaper and your jobs to focus on but your photography agency should also be calming down as the Holiday season approaches with most of the seasonal photoshoots already done ahead of time.

“Y/N! Over here!” You spin around to see Soonyoung and Chan waving at you. You job over to the two boys and they grin at you. The two dance majors are helping you with the finishing touches of your portfolio.

“How are you Y/Nie?” Soonyoung pulls you into a hug that you happily reciprocate.

“Busy,” you laugh a bit. “But you two are doing me a big favor so I can not thank you enough. I promise I will repay you guys for your time.”

“No worries noona! We’re friends and this is important to you, so don’t think you have to do anything for us,” the younger boy tells you.

With that you and the boys start on the photoshoot. You’re glad that the two are easy to work with and look great on camera as well. You carefully snap photos of them as they move their bodies around in elaborate dance moves.

It takes a shorter amount of time than you planned out so you offer to get coffee with them as a thanks. Soonyoung and Chan refuse your payment but do agree to join you for coffee. That is until Chan is called away on an emergency from Hansol. He didn’t say much more about it but he sounded rushed when he left, leaving you and Soonyoung alone.

“So really how have you been? Other than being busy?”

“Honestly? I’ve been good. I like being busy and it’s the time of the year where everything is starting to come together which leaves a very satisfactory feeling,” you explain. “Last year I was so stressed around this time of the year, but I’ve got a good handle on things. I think that’s because I’ve got this portfolio going the way I want to.”

Soonyoung nods along as you talk. That’s something you like about him, he’s always so engaged in whatever his friends have to say. He’s one of the best conversationalists in your friend group and you enjoy hearing what he has to say as well, which leads you to ask what his plan for the Fine Arts Showcase is.

“Hao, Jun, Chan, and I have been choreographing a song together. We’re actually singing it as well. Chan, Jihoon, and Bumzu wrote it together. Jihoon has been working on composing it for us,” Soonyoung tells you. You think that must be the project he’s been working on.

You’ve never officially met Bumzu but you know he’s the man who works with Jihoon on most of the songs he composes. He’s older and out of college and Jihoon has a confirmed seat at the entertainment company Bumzu works at when he graduates.

“How is Jihoon?” You ask out of curiosity. You still talk to him, but you know Soonyoung lives with him and has a better chance of catching him at a free moment than you do.

“He’s…stressed. He’s been holing himself up in his studio even more it seems. I think that the Fine Arts Showcase is coming up too soon for his liking.”

Jihoon is always busy around this time. He’s often providing his help with the other music majors’ Showcase projects. As a music composer, singer, and songwriter many people go to him for help. He helps them as well as his own songs.

Every year for the winter and spring Showcase Jihoon sings a song he writes and produces himself. The past two years his songs have been titled “Simple”, “Pinwheel”, “Hug”, and “Second Life”. All of his past songs have been on the slower side with deeper lyrics and you wonder if he’ll take the same route this year. 

“How are you guys?”

Soonyoung’s voice startles you out of your thoughts. “Pardon?”

“You and Jihoon, how are you guys? I know you haven’t been able to see much of each other lately.”

“We’re okay, I get we’re both swamped with work right now. I’m just hoping things will get better after the Showcase and I’ll be able to see more of him,” you answer.

“He does miss you. Maybe you should stop by the apartment at some point.”

“Yeah I might just do that, thanks Soonyoung.”

At the time you thought Soonyoung’s suggestion was a great idea, and you still do, but you yourself can’t seem to find time in your own schedule to carry it out. You’re on call the whole weekend for the fall play because not only did a costume go missing but another got ripped and you had to help pin another because the understudy had to go on instead.

After the weekend you’re about to go to Jihoon’s apartment when you get a text from your professor asking you to come in to look over your portfolio and help out with other things for the Showcase. You obviously agree and start to make your way over to the digital media building.

The next day you’re called away on newspaper business and the day after that you have to help Sana with studying for a history exam.

It’s not until Thursday that you can even think about Jihoon. You shoot him a quick text and you’re surprised to get a response back so quickly.

You: hey you! just checking in, miss you lots ji

Hoonie &lt;3: Hey baby, I was just thinking about you too. I miss you so much.

You: are you free to meet up sometime this week? i have something important to tell you

Hoonie &lt;3: Bunny I wish I did, but I don’t think I can. Next week I promise. Wanna meet Wednesday at 2?

You: that sounds perfect hoonie, but what about saturday?

Hoonie &lt;3: What’s on Saturday?

You: are you silly ji? it’s your birthday!

Hoonie &lt;3: Oh? Is it that time already? Well don’t worry about it baby, we can make it up when I’m not as busy. Sounds good?

You: yea sounds good. talk to you later?

Hoonie &lt;3: Of course <3

You: &lt;3

You’re a bit surprised that Jihoon forgot his own birthday, especially because you and him have a whole birthday tradition you guys follow. You’re also a little upset that you can’t confess to Jihoon until next week but you know that you can wait. You’ve been this way for three years, a few more days won’t hurt you guys.

You spend your newly found free time…still being busy. Though this time it’s a good kind of busy. You’re still studying and working but you get to spend a lot more time with your friends. You see the girls and Soonyoung and Minghao a couple times throughout the weekend and even go out to a big dinner with a majority of the group. Jihoon is still hiding away in his studio and his texts back to you come few and far between, always quick and short which has you a little antsy, but Jihoon promised to see you this week.

You’re laying in bed editing a photo for the newspaper when Sana comes bursting into the room, once again on the phone with Nayeon. “So what’s the plan?”

“What plan?”

“You’re going to see Jihoon tomorrow!” Nayeon’s voice comes flowing out from Sana’s phone.

“Exactly! What’s the big confession gonna be like? Are we still doing the original plan?” Sana forces you to scoot over so she can squeeze in next to you on the bed.

“I think we’re just going to get lunch or go for a walk or something like that. I don’t want to do something too big, it doesn’t feel right. I’m just gonna lay all of my feelings out for him, you know,” you tell your friends.

“It’s going to be so much better seeing you two together as an actual couple,” Sana sighs dreamily and rests her head down onto your shoulder.

“Yeah, it really will be.”

The next day comes and you’re starting to get a little nervous. There’s no reason for you to be, it’s Jihoon of course he loves you back, but you’re still a little worked up about it all. Sana made you breakfast to help calm your nerves and now you’re on your way to the boys’ apartment.

You hum to yourself as you climb up the stairs to the apartment. You shoot Jihoon a text that you’re there and wait by their front door. You wait for a few minutes before you try knocking. Nobody answers again and you huff.

You: hoonie where are you? im outside your apartment

You stand outside the apartment for around ten more minutes before you realize Jihoon isn’t going to come. Your heart drops at that fact a bit. Jihoon has never stood you up before. You wonder if he’s okay because he is the one who made the plans so why would he bail on them unless something bad happened.

“Y/N?” You turn around at your name and you half expect to see Jihoon but when you turn around it’s Jun and Minghao, the former addressing you. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, uhm, I was supposed to meet Jihoon. Do you know where he is?” You ask hopefully.

Jun frowns at that. “He texted the groupchat saying he had to get out of the apartment for a little while and to not expect him home soon.”

“Oh no, is he okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. He mentioned something about meeting up with Bumzu. Soonyoung has been bothering him about getting out of the apartment and he had the free time to do that today.”

Your heart sinks even more. Did he really forget you guys were meeting up today? His schedule was free today because he was supposed to use that time to see you.

“Y/N?” Minghao approaches you and places a soft hand on your arm. “Are you okay? You’re looking a little unwell.”

“I’m uh, not okay…,” you whisper. You considered lying but you don’t have it in you to put on a fake act. “I was supposed to tell him today and he didn’t even remember we’re supposed to meet.”

“Oh Y/N,” Minghao’s voice is gentle. “I’m so sorry. There must have been a mix up.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I think I’m going to head home though.” With that you gently push past Minghao and Jun and make your way back downstairs and start the trek back home. Your heart feels heavy and tears brim in your eyes.

You know that you’re being over dramatic but it still hurts, especially after not properly seeing Jihoon for over two weeks now. You admit that is partly your fault, but even if you were free, Jihoon would still have been busy. Not to mention the fact you have had nearly no contact with him lately as he keeps brushing off your texts.

When you walk into your apartment Sana and Nayeon are running out of Sana’s room and over to you. “That was quick, how did it go?” It’s your roommate who asks this.

“He wasn’t home. He forgot.”

“HE WHAT?! I’m going to kill him,” Sana growls.

“That’s so out of character? What is wrong with him?” Nayeon looks taken aback as well as a bit angry.

“Guys, it’s fine.” You try to smile at your friend but it comes out weakly. “It’s okay, he’s been busy so it must have slipped his mind. I’ll see him this weekend at the art Showcase.”

“...Fine, but only because I respect your wishes,” Sana relents.

Nayeon pulls you into her arms and Sana joins in. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out today, Y/N.”

“Yeah…me too.”

By the time Friday hits everyone in the Fine Arts department is wired up and anxious about the Showcase. You yourself are actually calm as this year you’re fully prepared and satisfied with your submission.

The way the Showcase works is there are certain exhibits that are set up and will be up all weekend; arts like photography and painting and all of the more tangible arts. Then over the course of the weekend the performing arts students will have time slots for their pieces.

You’re required to pick a time slot to be with your portfolio so that people walking by can meet you and ask you questions or give you compliments over your photos. You pick Friday night because all of your friends in the performing arts program perform Saturday and you don’t want to spend your Sunday stuck in the photography exhibit.

Friday comes and you get dressed up in the nicest clothes you own and walk over to the where the photography exhibit has been put up. You haven’t seen your pieces fully all together yet but your professor had expressed his delight of the arrangement to you so you aren’t worried. He claims you’re his star student and you have one of the biggest pieces so your art is placed in the center of the whole exhibit as the main piece.

The building where the photography exhibition is being held is in a two story building with large floor to ceiling windows that make up the walls, and white interior to give the building a modern look. The bottom floor is for concessions and entry fees so you have to go up to the second floor to see all of the actual art pieces.

When you walk into the building it’s fairly empty, bar a few other photography students and your professor. Your professor is currently conversing with another student on the bottom level so you instead go off to find your own pieces. It’s not hard, for when you make it to the second floor they’re the first thing that hits your eyes. Your pieces sit on a large white wall that is in the center of the room. Your face flushes a bit, flustered by the attention your photos will receive as everyone will have to look at them just to get to the other pieces.

You agree with your professor though, that the arrangement is perfect. It captures exactly the vibe you were trying to create. You walk over to the side of the wall where your name is printed out under the title of The Study of the Individual Person. You ignore the small blurb you had to write over the process and composition of your portfolio, knowing you’ll get even more embarrassed when you read it.

“Y/N! I thought that was you I saw walk in. Beautiful isn’t it? You have produced marvelous work once again.” Your professor is walking up to you and you turn to him and smile.

“Thank you sir, I’m very proud of this year’s collection.”

“And you should be. I just wanted to congratulate you on an amazing portfolio and to tell you the house is opening up in a few minutes here. Enjoy yourself Y/N, this weekend is for you.” With that your professor walks off again, leaving you with a nice warm feeling inside.

As he said the doors open in the next few minutes but people don’t start trickling in until about thirty minutes after the doors open. The way the university held the Showcase is that each exhibit cost a certain amount of tickets to get into. They also allow day passes or weekend passes so you have all access to every exhibit and performance. You get into all of the art exhibits for free but you have to pay to get into the performances because you’re not in the performing arts program.

Once the exhibit finally starts to pick up traction you’re busy all night. Everyone seems to have something to say to you and you’re happy to talk to them about it.

Placed on the wall are twenty-two photos, each with a different subject. You have enlisted your friends’ help for your portfolio this year, wondering how many words a picture really can tell. You told them to dress up in an outfit that represents them and to give you an activity that they liked to do. You then took pictures of them doing said activity in said outfit and tried to capture their personalities well. You wanted to show how each person is different and focus on the aspect that made your friends themselves.

You think your personal favorite photo is of Minghao, dressed up in a flowy white top and sleek black pants as he holds a paintbrush up to a half finished painting. The shirt is crisp white despite the area around him covered in paint, a blue smudge even adorning his cheek. His face is stoic as his eyes peek up over the tops of his glasses.

The photo you think does the best at capturing a personality though, is Soonyoung’s. The photo is cropped to see only the top half of his body. He’s wearing a tiger patterned button up shirt that hangs loose around him as his body is twisted into some kind of complex choreography. A wide smile adorns his face, his eyes squinting together and his teeth on full display. The black and white checkered tile background is blurred out a bit so you focus directly on Soonyoung and his movements.

You love every single photo of your friends though. You think it’s special to have captured them doing something they love. The final picture to finish off the whole spread is a self portrait. You set up an arrangement of pieces of newspaper and flowers on a hardwood floor and snapped the photo of yourself sitting in between all of it through a mirror. You cropped the photo down to mainly focus on the camera resting against your eye but the other aspects of our being are still visible.

“Y/N!” You look over at the stairs of the building and see your friends climbing up them. “This is amazing!”

“Ooh everyone, look at my photo!”

“I’m obviously the best one up here.”

“Is that Jeonghan playing board games? He’s only good at them because he cheats!”

“Oh thank god you edited out my pimples.”

You laugh as you hear your friends converse about the photos they modeled for. Your heart feels full as your friends come by to give you hugs and compliment you on your beautiful spread. They continue to look through all of your photos before everyone breaks off into groups to look at the other students, promising they’ll be back soon.

“Why is he missing?” Everyone breaks off into groups, besides Minghao.

“Who’s missing?” You look at the tall boy.

“Jihoon. Why is he missing from here,” he points to the photo wall, “and from here.” He motions around the whole building. “Jihoon isn't in your portfolio or here with the rest of us coming to support your work.”

Ever since Jihoon stood you up a few days ago Minghao has been holding a grudge against the older boy. He keeps pointing out how Jihoon has no reason to be ignoring you and he could at least text you back. He’s even tried to tell you that maybe Jihoon isn’t worth breaking your own heart over but you ignore him every time he brings it up because he’s the one who convinced you you’re in love with him to begin with.

“I just didn’t want to bother him. He’s so busy all the time and our schedules never lined up so I didn’t want to bother him with my project when I already had twenty-one other subjects, not including myself.” You shrug it off. You didn’t see it as a problem when you first made the decision not to include Jihoon, and you don’t see it as a problem now. “As for why he’s not here right now…I honestly don’t know Minghao.”

“Y/N…why isn’t your best friend here to support you? I don’t care how busy he is doing what, he should be here for you. It’s not fair to you. Even when you were up to your knees with work, you made time to see your friends. You even still check up on Jihoon who can’t even seem to remember how to text you back.”

“Hao please…I really don’t want to think about it.”

“Fine, I’ll drop it for now, but just think about it, okay?”

You can only nod at him, worried that his words might have some weight to them.

The rest of the night goes without a hitch but also without a Jihoon. After the exhibit closes for the night your friends are taking you out for a late dinner but you can’t get your mind off of your short best friend. 

Exactly why wasn’t he there tonight?

The question starts to dig under your skin until you’re not sure if you’re angry or sad or just disappointed. You chalk it up to being all three. You worked hard as hell on your portfolio and Jihoon knew that because everytime you guys would talk recently you would bring it up. He had no reason to not be there tonight unless he was literally on his deathbed. Now with the negative thoughts floating around in your brain you can’t enjoy your night which upsets you even more as you go to bed with a frown on your face.

The next day you’re up bright and early to start your day. The first performance you want to catch is at 11:00am and you don’t want to miss it. The events of last night still sting a bit but you try to shove those feelings away so you can focus on supporting your friends today.

You and Sana leave your apartment at 10:15 so you guys can get to the ampitheatre early and get good seats. You pay for your day pass and you and Sana find seats towards the front but not too close. You and Sana talk to fill the time when you catch a familiar figure out of the corner of your eye. You turn your head to confirm and sure enough, a few rows away Jihoon sits by himself. From an initial glance it looks like he has a scowl on his face but you look closer and realize it’s his expression for when he’s thinking hard. You’re about to call for him but the speakers come to life and a familiar voice booms over it.

“Ladies and gentlemen, they call us Booseoksoon! Let’s go!”

Your jaw drops open as the music and singing starts on stage. You were aware that Seungkwan and Seokmin would be performing together but you didn’t realize that Soonyoung would also be performing with them. All thoughts of Jihoon are erased as you watch in amazement as your friends continue on with their performance.

You think how you will never not be amazed by Seungkwan’s voice. You also are pleasantly surprised by how well the two vocalists dance, enough to keep up with the dance major. The song is over much too soon for your liking but it’s only the first of a set of the vocal emphasis majors.

The next performance of your friends that takes you by surprise is Joshua and Hansol performing a song titled “2 Minus 1”. Joshua’s range is insane and you love the deep, cool tone that Hansol has. You enjoy even more performances from Nayeon (her song called “Love Countdown”), Jihyo (the jazz version of her song “TT”), and Mingyu and Wonwoo (a collaborative song titled “Bittersweet”). Before you know it the morning show is over and everyone starts to file out of the stadium.

When you stand you suddenly remember Jihoon but when you look for him he’s already gone. You internally groan and wonder why it’s so hard to get a hold of your best friend these days. You can’t think about it for long though because the self proclaimed Bookseoksoon is bounding up to you to collect their praise.

The rest of the afternoon is filled with looking at some of the other exhibits as you wait for the evening show. You, Sana, and a few others even stop to get lunch together before continuing browsing all of the art.

When the evening show comes around you and Sana end up sitting next to Dahyun, Seungkwan, and Hansol. Seungkwan is talking animatedly to the other boy who is just nodding along. You think they’re so cute.

Soon the performances are starting and you’re settling into your seat to enjoy them. You love watching as the dancers flow along the stage in mesmerizing movements but you’re not fully entranced until four figures in white walk onto the stage and lay on the ground. You recognize them as Jun, Soonyoung, Minghao, and Chan.

The music starts up and soon their bodies are moving together, their voices flowing through the theater. You swear in that moment you fall in love with all of them as they dance in sync on the stage. You love the way their voices sound and how their movements match the vibe perfectly. Soonyoung’s choreography always leaves you speechless.

When they finish the theater erupts in applause and you and your three friends give them a standing ovation, along with many other people in the stadium. The boys bow before walking off stage.

The rest of the performances go by and you love watching your friends on stage doing what they love. It then gets to the last performance and your breath hitches when you see who it is.

Standing in the middle of the stage in all black with a red guitar strapped to his body is Lee Jihoon. The music starts up and you automatically recognize it as the song he showed you what felt like years ago but was really only a few weeks.

The ballad-like music is soothing to the ears and like the songs he’s sang in the past everyone expects something slower but then the drums kick in and everyone is screaming at the change in pace. Your heart hammers in your chest as you hear Jihoon sing out the words he once told you were meant for you.

Everyone in the audience is going crazy but you can’t focus on them. Your eyes are glued to your best friend as he sings his heart out.

“She’s got the ruby~” Jihoon finishes and everyone in the audience jumps up to applaud. You can hear random girls as their high pitched screams ring in your ears.

You find yourself and your friends in the backstage area where a bunch of other people are waiting. Seungkwan is shoving his way through the crowds so you can meet your friends. You run into the dance majors first who have already changed out of their white outfits.

“Soonyoung! That was stunning!” You run up to him and wrap your arms around him. You pull back to hug the other boys as well as Soonyoung laughs cheerfully at the compliment.

“Hey Y/N let’s go find Jihoon!” Soonyoung is grabbing your hand and tugging you off with. You’re still half holding onto Minghao who also gets dragged along as with. Soonyoung doesn’t slow down until his best friend comes into sight. “There he is! Oh…”

You look up to see what’s caused Soonyoung’s change in demeanor. In front of you a flock of girls surround Jihoon. You’re surprised he’s even entertaining them as you know he typically doesn’t have any interest in fan girls or really any girl who he doesn’t consider a friend. One girl is hanging off his arm and giggling as he says something to her, a blush spread across his face and ears. Your face falls at the scene. Since when does he get flustered by other girls he’s never met before.

“Let’s uh, go say hi,” Soonyoung says in a small voice. He still has a grip on your arm so you’re forced to follow him as he slowly makes his way up to Jihoon who still hasn’t noticed the presence of his friends.

“So Jihoonie~ was there anyone that song was meant for?” The girl on his arm asks. Your blood boils at hearing another girl call him Jihoonie but then your heart drops when you hear Jihoon’s response.

“I mean not particularly.” He reaches up to rub at his neck awkwardly but all of the girls giggle. “I’m not really seeing anyone right now, so…”

He’s such a liar. He didn’t even berate the girl for calling him Jihoonie.

Despite your heart clenching in your chest you break your arm away from Soonyoung. You hear him call after you but you keep tearing through the crowd. You don’t know why you’re so upset. You don’t know the whole situation and it’s not like you and Jihoon are even together. That doesn’t stop you from storming all the way across campus to your apartment so you can cry yourself to sleep.

“Okay Jihoon is officially on my shit list.” Minghao’s cup slams onto the table next to you, a few drops of his drink spraying over the table as he does.

You are at lunch with Sana, Nayeon, and Minghao on Sunday to try and take your mind off Jihoon but it’s evident Minghao has other plans.

Sana snorts, “I mean he’s been on my shit list for a while.”

“Oh me too, but I found out why he wasn’t at Y/N’s photography exhibit on Friday.”

One thing you hate about Minghao is how he’s friends with Jun. You don’t really, obviously, but Jun tells him everything and that includes updates on Jihoon. A part of you doesn’t want to hear it knowing it will just break your heart even more.

“Well fucking spill it!” It doesn’t seem like Sana, Nayeon, and Minghao are going to give you a chance to choose if you want to hear it or not.

Minghao tells you guys how Jihoon was at a music event with Bumzu doing some networking for “Woozi”, the name he used for his music. There were apparently lots of famous K-Pop artists and record labels and entertainment companies there. Jun had told Minghao how he overheard Jihoon telling Soonyoung about it. Jun also heard Jihoon say the whole reason he went to the event was because he is going to be working with Bumzu on a project for some new K-Pop group that had just debuted.

“He should have at least told us, we’re his friends,” Nayeon frowns.

“What he could have done was come to the photography exhibit,” Minghao says. “He’s twenty-one and already working himself into his grave. He has time to build his music career, when will he have time to support Y/N like this again? This meant a lot to her and he didn’t even care.”

“I mean…it does prove that if he can leave his studio for this event, he can leave it to at least see his friends once in a while, but he doesn’t even make the effort. All he does is focus on music and it’s honestly kinda unsettling to see. He didn’t even celebrate his birthday this year,” Sana says.

You tune your friends out as you get lost in your thoughts about Jihoon.

It seems that Jihoon is moving up in the music world. You’re happy for him, you really truly are, this is his dream. After you guys graduate next year he’ll be off to work at HYBE and he’ll make a name for himself in the K-Pop industry. He’d get busy with producing music for himself and others and he’ll rise in fame and meet new people and go to new places. He’s paving his way into a new world, and you’re afraid that in that new world there won’t be any room for you.

You encounter Jihoon by accident. You’re at his apartment (risky move) because Soonyoung had invited you over so you guys could discuss the photos you were taking for an article in the newspaper about the dance team. Soonyoung had told you that Jihoon wasn’t home and wasn’t going to be home until later so you felt comfortable going over.

(Soonyoung admitted to you that he and Jihoon had gotten into a fight so he was also trying to avoid Jihoon to the best extent.)

You guys were just wrapping up when Jihoon walked through the door. He looked equally as surprised to see you. He awkwardly shuffled around the front door until Soonyoung got up to “give you guys some space”.

Jihoon had moved over to where you were on the couch and sat down next to you which is where you guys are now. No one has said a word yet and you don’t understand why it’s so painfully awkward. This is your best friend, you should be able to talk to one another. You try to open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out so you just close it again.

Luckily Jihoon somehow is able to break the silence. “So uhm, what are you doing over?”

“Had to talk to Soonyoung about some photos,” you say, finding your voice.

“Oh.”

Before you guys fall back into silence you muster up all your courage to finally address the elephant in the room. “I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah…”

He doesn’t say more than that so you take the chance to say what you want to. You’ve rehearsed what you want to say a million times before but now that you’re put on the spot you struggle to get it all out.

“I’m so used to seeing you everyday I guess it’s been kinda throwing me off that we’ve both been so busy lately. We haven’t even been texting and…I guess I just miss you and how we used to be even though it was only like three weeks ago. I just want to see you and for you to not always be hiding in your studio.”

Jihoon lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes tightly as he rubs at his temples. “I know I’ve been busy but I’ve finally got a big break in my career and I had a lot on my plate with the Showcase so yes I have been distancing myself but it’s for good reason.”

“I know Hoonie, and I’m so happy for you, but I’m also worried. I don’t want you overworking yourself and getting sick or anything, you still need time to take care of yourself and take breaks.”

“Well not all of us have that luxury Y/N.” Jihoon’s tone is now bordering an annoyed tone but you know you have to keep pushing through. “What I do with my own personal time isn’t any of your concern.”

“Ji…don’t say that. We’re best friends. Of course it’s going to be my concern. Someone needs to be there for you.”

“I’m fine Y/N, I don’t need a babysitter, I’m twenty-one for goodness sake.”

“You didn’t even celebrate your birthday. I know you can take care of yourself but I just want to be there for you as well. I want to look after you.”

Jihoon stands up abruptly. “You’re not looking after me Y/N, you’re being annoying. I have a lot of work to do and maybe I’d have more free time if people weren’t bothering me all the fucking time.”

You flinch a bit at his words. Jihoon has never swore at you, not once. 

“There are more things in life than just music Jihoon. What about your friends? What about me?”

“What about you? So that’s what this is about. Sorry I can’t give you attention twenty-four fucking seven. I do have a life outside of you, you know. I’m working on my career so I’m so sorry if I’ve been too busy to fuck you. Well it seems you’ve been doing just fine without me for the past three weeks so just go bother someone else. I don’t need you coming to bother me all the time when I have work to do. It's irritating to have you breathing down my goddamn neck all the time.”

“Stop it Jihoon. That’s not what this is about. And what do you mean I’ve been doing just fine without you? I’ve missed you so much it’s painful. Please just calm down and we can work it out together.”

Jihoon’s outburst has attracted Soonyoung to the living room again but he doesn’t seem to be done. “You’re so goddamn clingy Y/N, can you not listen? Just leave me be, I’m not in the mood to deal with you.”

“Jihoon…you don’t mean that.” Tears are starting to well up in your eyes. You just don’t understand. Why is he acting like this? Saying these things to you?

“Can you shut up! Just get the hell out of my apartment!” Jihoon is practically growling at this point and the tears have started to fall down your face.

“Jihoon, what is wrong with you dude?” Soonyoung finally pipes up.

“If you don’t leave Y/N, I will.” Jihoon ignores his roommate.

“Jihoon, please don’t do this.” You go to read for his hand, tears streaming down your face. “Just please don’t say that. Jihoon I love you, please don’t leave me. I need you.” You don’t mean for it to slip out but your brain and your heart have different ideas on a last ditch effort to get Jihoon to stay.

“Well I don’t need you.” Jihoon snatches his hand back and shoves past Soonyoung.

“Jihoon.” Soonyoung grabs onto Jihoon’s arm but the shorter boy looks up at his friend with a piercing glare.

“Don’t you start again Soonyoung, haven’t you already done enough.” With that he tugs his arm away and you hear the door of his studio slam shut.

You’re full on sobbing now, having a full breakdown. Soonyoung rushes over to you and gathers you up in his arms. You cry into his shoulder. You’re so confused about what just happened and everything hurts and you can’t breathe.

What are you going to do now?

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[snickerzanddoodlez]

LONG POST WARNING!!

As someone who also works on the project, I have to say that I also have an issue with the organization. I was afraid of bringing it up since I was afraid of coming off as rude but just to let you know I do mean the following in this in the sincerest and nicest way possible~

I know the goal is to be flexible and accommodating for everyone, but I think a downside to that is inconsistent progress in the show. For instance, when there isn’t a deadline, since there’s no timeframe to finish a task it can be tempting to either set it aside to procrastinate or focus on other things.

At the same time, while I know life can happen and sometimes it is absolutely needed, setting a deadline only to then set it back leaves to question commitment and reliability. It’s certainly made me a bit doubtful about the project and where it’s going. Same can be said for the story, as I’ve seen lots of ambitious ideas being mentioned in the server that will happen later in the series, but without an established & solid plan for the plot it feels a bit overreaching.

I understand that this is a fan project, but I think that a bit of structure would not only be nice to have but would totally help with the show production! And while I do believe that it’s important that it’s fun for everyone, I think that having some level or organization and accountability (like achievable goals and deadlines + a clear plan with an end) would be super helpful to provide clarity and make the production flow a lot more smoother.

Again I was nervous to bring this up since I felt like it was maybe just me making a fuss (ironically a task without deadlines actually stresses me out more), but I’m also a firm believer in being transparent and clear too. Just something that’s been sitting with me for a bit.

- 🫐

Didn’t see this until now, I’ll definitely see what I can do! Thanks for the feedback, it means a lot genuinely ❤️

And you aren’t coming across as rude at all! (I get you though, dude, I am so anxious it immobilizes me if I need anything ever. If I were staying at a friend’s house for a few weeks

I’ll admit I’m so paranoid about accidentally creating a sweatshop in my discord server that I often cause things to just…not progress. I’m 16 and learning 😔 and it’s thanks to feedback like this that I’m able to do that, so thank you so much!

[tracingpatternswrites]

The Patchwork of Us | Chapter 3

The boys are still not quite seeing eye to eye, but Remus gets some much desired alone time with Teddy and then the three of them visit an indoor playing centre.

Read the whole thing from the beginning on AO3.

Snippet below the cut:

“Did you like my mum?”

The question came out of the blue and Remus froze, looking down at the book he was holding.

“What?” he asked, even though he had heard the question perfectly well, just needing to buy himself some time.

They were at the kitchen table in Sirius’ house; Teddy had just finished his homework and had moved on to drawing. It looked as if his focus was on the dog he was colouring in rather than the question, but Remus had a feeling that the boy was more interested in his answer than he was letting on.

He was suddenly grateful that Sirius wasn’t there. Remus had picked Teddy up at school and walked him home, waiting with him until Sirius got back from whatever it was he was doing. Working, Teddy had said, but when Remus had asked what he did for a job the reply had made little sense and he got the feeling Teddy wasn’t completely sure himself.

“He helps people and sometimes he wears a tie but he hates it,” Teddy had said, and Remus had drawn a blank on what kind of job that could possibly be. Whatever it was it, however, meant he couldn’t pick Teddy up from school and that was why Remus was keeping Teddy company.

Now he was glad that Sirius wasn’t there to hear Teddy’s question, or his reply. He always felt awkward talking about Teddy’s mum when Sirius could hear him. He wasn’t surprised at the question though, he felt as if the boy had been gearing up for it the past few times they’d been hanging out.

“Did you?” Teddy prompted again and Remus exhaled softly, closing his book and setting it down on the table.

“I did,” he replied softly. “I liked her very much.”

“Did you love her?”

Remus hesitated. He didn’t want to lie to Teddy, he had promised himself that he would be as truthful as he possibly could be.

“I’m not sure,” he replied slowly. “We didn’t…we weren’t together for very long.”

“Why not?” Teddy asked, and he wasn’t pretending to draw anymore, his bright eyes firmly on Remus. “Because you wasn’t in love?”

“No, it wasn’t that,” Remus replied carefully, choosing a white lie rather than the complete truth. “Your mum was really funny and sweet and we liked each other very much, but we were better off as mates.”

“Hm,” Teddy said, returning to his drawing.

“Teddy,” Remus started, then he stopped but when Teddy put down his pen he made himself continue. “I’m really sorry about your mum.”

“I know,” Teddy said quietly. “Me too. I miss her a lot sometimes.”

“I understand that,” he murmured, unsure what else he was supposed to say but before he had a chance to figure it out, his phone rang and Sirius’ name was flashing on the display. He was due back any moment, so the fact that he was calling wasn’t a great sign.

“Sirius? Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” the other man’s voice came, and Remus wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or if he sounded stressed. “Listen, sorry, I’m running late, it’s a fucking mess over here. I’ve asked James to come and stay with Teddy until I get back but he’s still about half-an-hour out, can you stay until he gets there?”

Remus glanced at the boy who had gone back to his drawing, and he stood up to walk over to the glass doors leading out to the backyard. He turned his back on Teddy.

“I can stay,” he said into the phone, his voice low. “I mean, until you’re back. I don’t mind.”

The silence stretched, and Remus could all but hear Sirius’ mind working on the other end of the line. No doubt trying to come with an excuse to say no.

“Please,” he said when there was no reply, and he hated the pleading note to his voice almost as much as he hated the fact that Sirius held all the power in this weird relationship. “I’m already here, it makes more sense that I just stay instead of James having to get all the way over here in rush hour.”

“Put Teddy on,” came Sirius’ reply eventually and Remus did, handing the phone over to the boy.

“Sirius,” he said as a way of explanation and Teddy accepted the phone.

“Hi?” Teddy said, and aside from a couple of yesses and some humming, Sirius seemed to do most of the talking before he handed the phone back to Remus. “He wants to speak to you again.”

Remus took the phone and pressed it against his ear, “Yeah?”

“You can stay,” Sirius said, his tone brusque. “I’ll probably be back around half nine, he should be in bed no later than eight. There’s leftovers in the fridge that you can heat. If anything happens – anything – call James, I’ll text you his number.”

“Okay,” Remus nodded, feeling a little flutter in his chest. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Sirius bit out. “Don’t fuck it up.”

Remus didn’t have a chance to reply before the line went dead, and he felt a flare of annoyance in his chest as he stared at the quiet phone.

“Arsehole,” he mumbled to himself, making sure it wasn’t loud enough for Teddy to hear before he took a deep breath. 

Continue on AO3.

[shiny-miltank]

A leche hobbies update:

Update on knitting adventures: almost done with a scarf I started 🤔 dropped stitches everywhere but it really helps with my adhd to have something in my hands to play with while feeling like I’m working towards something! Don’t think I’ll show it off though LMAO, it’s ugly as a scarf but I like it as a “baby’s first scarf” to look back on when I get better. And it’s warm :)!

Other thing: picked up a sewing machine from the good will and still in really great shape and working! Its old and has character and I love it HAH. I’m learning from my abuelita on her own machine. It’d be great to combine this and knitting to make essentials and to repair clothes that really need it.

Drawing/not really a hobby it’s my “Jobby”: sorry for being a lil slow on updates! I got a little bit of burnout and I really want to finish summers commissions so I can clear my schedule more. I’m just about done so I’m no longer chipping on three projects at a time between my full time job oof-but do know they are being worked on. I’ve got adoptables on the way and sketching the next ask-n update! I’ve also been keeping an eye on other places to post like insta and bluesky but I feel like I need to like…observe? Some more? Before committing and learning whole new platforms and posting schedules bleh.

I got other projects in the pipeline, one including a pmd thing, more Paldea headcanons and what not and some certain purple psychic cat things returning. But all in due time! Can’t overwhelm myself : 0

And a little bit of a rant or ramble about perhaps dropping a longtime hobby I’ve had and feeling sad about it beneath the cut ;( but if you’ve read this far thanks! Love ya’ll for supporting me!

I think a handful of you? Know I roleplay on this platform and have for a good seven? Eight? Years. It’s fun, a lot of my ideas and headcanons and art I’m known for were actually jump started by some random thread or idea from between my rp partners and what not. The Mewtwo blog, ask-n, scarlet turo and etc etc were old muses or ideas that turned into their own thing. It’s always been so easy to write and collaborate your ideas with the rp community you’re in and it becomes it’s whole big thing!

But I know it hasn’t always been the healthiest hobby for me after awhile but esp when I want to focus on content creation as a job that I’m really into. I no longer have the time to maintain plots and characters despite being so determined to stick to it. It’s becoming more of a distraction of just scrolling down the rp dashboard out of FOMO more then anything and heck I can’t even see most of it as a lot of events and verses and etc I blacklist to attempt to curb anxiety and distractions which haven’t been working lately 🤔 I still get lots of anxiety.

That and the community’s changed really. I know every old rper has typed their piece on “back in the good old days-“, leaves their blog and doesn’t give any useful advice or attempt to change the narrative lol. I don’t want to do that.

And it’s not the communities fault either. It’s natural for spaces to change to help new ideas and new people come in. It just means maybe it’s no longer meant for me and that’s okay. If anything it’s more how my friends I’ve been with for all my time there have left or are leaving. There’s a disconnect I can’t seem to get over no matter what new muse or idea I promote esp when I’m no longer comfortable in the space I enjoyed for so long. I never had to block so many things before and again not the communities fault and none of the things I’m blocking are unsavory, it’s more like my tastes and likes and dislikes and what I have spoons for have just become different over so long. It’s totally a me thing.

It’s in my mind that maybe it’s okay to let it go since I’m getting so hyped for my newer hobbies and the ideas I have for my art/comics. I don’t have the time anymore to dedicate so much energy on it like I use to esp when even over all my work Im still figuring out my adhd after getting diagnosed officially, new meds, the other mental diagnosis that makes the mental soup in my head alongside other life stuff.

I owe rp in general for helping me get that creative spark and through a lot of tough, long dark times. It’s provided me with the escapism and outlet since like, forever. I started rping in ye old Neopet neomail days and haven’t stopped since besides the occasional period that didn’t last long. Who knows maybe this is just a rut and I’ll feel better tomorrow or next week or something. Could be the change of seasons where my seasonal depression kicks in but I’m not quitting yet but it’s somewhere in the funky mind palace as I navigate this weird patch.

Thanks if you’ve read my ramblings this far! I wish there was a way to reward peeps who read through my long jargon? It just feels good to know I can scream into the void and sometimes I’ll have one or two people nod at me in understanding. Idk, I’ll think of something—

[enderspawn]

theres this fic idea i’ve been thinking of for a long while now (honestly i've had this specific post drafted since may of this year, so maybe since january or so) and want to eventually write one day, but if im being honesty with myself i'm not sure if i ever will, so im at least putting it out there now.

its a chip analysis piece (likely in some kind of 5+1 format, primarily from jay’s POV) specifically between chip and his relationship with food. the simple fact he’s always been this scrawny malnourished street kid when growing up outside of the black rose means a lot to me, and it would likely cause a lot of habits or behaviors the others wouldnt have or possibly even understand to begin with which would be a fun thing to explore and how it can reveal more abt him.

scenes/topics that would be Covered will be under cut

1 ---

the first thing that immediately comes to mind is an analysis and expansion upon his canon interactions with food in canon, such as the bag of chip’s jay gives him on loffinlot or the cinnamon roll incident

for one, the fact that jay carries snacks at all is kind of indicative and would likely be the focus. use jay's pov to explain how she’s learned to bring snacks on adventures since teaming with chip (likely with comments being somewhat snide or huffy about it, or comparing him to a child demanding/needing a snack, since they are still kind of strangers and she doesn’t know much about chip).

(if desired, it could also expand on how he fuckin’ made that small bag of chips last so long. yes the true answer is “because it was funny” but like… rationing behavior? jay might make an absent note of it (due to her observant feat), but wouldn’t likely extrapolate further at the time. also may be cut entirely for messing with story flow too much to include as a detail.)

the cinnamon roll scene is… listen he literally tried to share food with someone and broke down crying doing so because he loves them and wants to share that. obvious example of using food as a language for love and appreciation (which, again, takes on another level when you remember he comes from a food-scarce background). like thats just a thing that happened i don’t care if it was a goof that’s just canon. bite me. 

2 ---

observation of chip having "weird" behaviors with food. these include having a seemingly massive appetite and being sure to always clean his plate (you don’t turn down access to food and you take what you can in case you can’t do it again soon.) 

but also: as part of chip kind of projecting onto ollie, he’s always trying to pawn more food onto ollie’s plate. sometimes it’s as subtle as saying he’s “not hungry anymore” and scrapping whats left to ollie (which would catch jay’s eye because previously he’s always finished his plate even when full and clues her in) to as obvious as literally giving him more and saying he needs to eat more.

both the above points would be stuff jay would 1. spot and 2. actually take note of/care about, around after desire island or so. 

3 ---

immediately after leaving allport, i think seeing reuben would bring back a bunch of chip's old habits and cause him to backslide a bit. after all, even if they were a “family”, they were also still a gang of street rats. on instinct, he would end up showing a lot of food guarding habits (being overly protective of people taking it, hiding food in a stash, etc). he likely also had these habits for a while after joining with jay and gillion, but after episode 16 when they started slowly getting closer the habits faded because he knew he could trust them. 

4 ---

this is such a minor point in comparison to the rest of this list but i can see it so clearly in my brain. chip has an apple (likely stolen tbh) and he takes a bite out of it and leans against a wall. jay either makes a snide comment towards him about it or just snorts or something, prompting chip to hold it up towards her and go “you want some?” in a snarky way (speaking with his mouth full all the while).

jay rolls her eyes and says yes and gets startled when chip actually throws her the apple. she yelps, catching it, then throws it back immediately while yelling something like “ew, no, you took a bite of it already! i was kidding! gross!” chip feigns being wounded and retorts with something like “and here i was willing to expose myself to your stink getting on my apple–” and cue bickering between them about cooties. 

he just straight up was willing to share the apple, thoughts abt "the fact he already bit into it" don’t register for him bc its such a non-issue in his mind. he offers to share about any food he has/makes because its a silent way to show he cares. i don’t think he’s fully conscious of that fact though. in general i think chip responds a lot better to subtle actions showing love than words of love and this is just another example of that from him

(following this is likely where cinnamon roll scene would go in the fic, both timeline-wise and thematically, since this section is focused more or less on "sharing your food as a sign of love")

5 ---

this next section would be the most plot heavy or traditional “fic” affair, in that it’s not solely fluff padding/analysis and has some original storybits.

the crew would be stranded on an island. i don’t know how exactly, but the key parts is that they don’t have their ship, there’s no one else on the island, and they have limited resources/rations. presumably they know rescue is coming, but ideally they don’t know exactly when (for drama purposes, as well as to make proper rationing out supplies p much impossible). perhaps the grandberry crew is on their way to save them, but they ended up on this island after a storm and don’t know where they are to point the grandberry pirates to. something like that.

actually, this plays out very similarly to the ollie part as detailed earlier, but to the left. as the crew starts to struggle with rations, chip would start (subtly when possible) start giving up his own portions. either by feigning lack of appetite, persuasion, deception, etc. the closest he comes to stating the truth would be when someone (likely ollie) asks if he’ll be okay going without his portion and chip shrugs then leans back on his elbows with a smirk and goes “nah, i’m used to it anyway.”

this is when the rest of the crew also starts to pick up on chip’s behaviors, to the point it becomes a bit of an unspoken secret they don’t want to dig into. previously, and the reason the entire fic is from Jay's POV, shes been the only one observant enough to take notice off all these traits. this is when it becomes So obvious everyone notices it.

6 ---

preferably, near the beginning of the story (likely after the chip bag incident, but before jay starts noticing all of chip’s behaviors, so that she cares for him more than she’s annoyed by him but hasn't put together any real dots-- between section 1 and 2), there would be a section where chip is mocked for his short height (as the shortest of the crew, at around 5’4) and being VERY easy for gillion to carry. 

then, after the island section (section 5), there would be another part where chip’s height and weight are commented on. i'm undecided if this would be another light hearted goof scene or a more “dramatic” serious scene (which if it was it would likely be tied to the island incident. maybe an injury or argument or something?).

either way, it happens because jay ends up lifting/carrying chip. jay “8 in strength” ferin. he’s just fuckin light. afterwards, chip would explain saying something like “its not my fault! cause like– outside of arlin, i was kind of a street rat growing up, yknow? they arent particularly known for having a stable food situation, didn’t get all the nutrients and junk you need to grow tall”. it starts as a joke and a kind of light-hearted ribbing defense, but kind of sobers up in that melancholic-nostalgic way by the end.

it’s the first time he directly states anything abt his upbringing and food to his crew, but its a confirmation. well, its a confirmation for jay. everyone else definitely knew something was going on, but jay is the one who is able to connect all the pieces bc she’s the only one whos noticed all the other pieces. she gets the Whole Picture of how his childhood and upbringing caused all these behaviors and kind of what they imply abt chip's behavior now (like the food sharing as love, smothering ollie, etc)

+ 1 ---

for a cheesy ending bonus, have jay use a mix of chip’s anecdotes abt the black rose and drey’s shaky memory to try and cook up a meal he used to have there. (for bonus, if desired she could reach out to lizzie too since lizzie lived with the old chef shay).

depending on author preference, either its good and chip cries because of the ~*memories*~ and the fact they cared enough, or it’s comically awful and not much at all like the original but the sole fact that they went out of their way to very obviously try SO hard to surprise him with this because they thought it would make him happy (as well as trying to speak to him in his own love language) makes him cry about it anyway. 

(again, chip responds better to acts of love than words-- having his crew not only notice this abt him, but then do something to try and show that love hits him way harder than anything else could)

[callipraxia]

Things I Learned This Morning:

1) Using print instead of script, which would be faster but less tidy, I may hand-write not far under 1300 words per hour when things are going well. (The exact number was 1267 words)

2) My brain harbors an irrational hatred for the number 4 apparently? (I kept almost skipping it and having to go back and erase the little number above fourth words because I wrote 4 as 5, for instance, going straight from 223 to 225 before I caught myself.)

3) Taking a pencil and individually numbering every word you wrote takes a really long time.

4) Apparently my brain also cannot handle writing a series of numbers that consistently go above two digits. I transpose digits, forget the first digit, write 8 instead of 3, write 5 instead of 8, write 2 instead of 9….I made it through the first 1000 but counted the remainder in blocks of 1-100 in the interests of staying tolerably sane.

5) My print is indeed much more legible than my script, but also, oww, my elbow feels like it’s about to crack right now and my hand feels all twisted up inside, ow ow ow.

(Backstory: I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while, so I decided to say “what the heck” and try to force myself to write a rough draft of one of my fanfic ideas for NaNoWriMo. I’m printing because I am currently Resolved to write a complete rough draft and then revise it, all before posting anything. Then, in theory, I’ll post it by chapter on an actual *posting schedule*. However, since I have never managed to muster the kind of discipline needed to keep working on a project nobody has seen and praised some part of for that long in my entire life…we’ll see. Plus, it might be easy enough to make it to the word count minimum today, but I only just finished the setup phase of the first scene, getting Pacifica from “the alarm clock rang” and through “Pacifica reflects on what mornings in Northwest Manor were like compared to her new life” to the point of “Pacifica has gotten out of bed.” That kind of writing is super-easy for me, but the kinds where things actually happen can be…much slower going. Which means I’ll have to apply even *more* discipline to make quotas on some days. So basically I, a deeply scattered and undisciplined person, am basically attempting to overhaul my personality for at least a month, lol. Wish me luck, folks….

For my GF peeps, I hope that you’ll enjoy the results if this project does amount to anything, even though it is a bit of a departure from my ‘usual’ material. You see, I have a lifelong, deep-seated love for books set in schools/based around school years, and I have decided to combine that with my desire to write some post-canon material. We’re picking up very shortly after the finale, with the first day of school in Gravity Falls - the Pineses should have some involvement, here and there, but mostly via phone and Internet. I’m sufficiently addicted to the “greater scope” that I don’t think I‘ll end up with something that is purely YA or a “girls’ book,” but it will involve focusing on more girls and therefore “girl stuff” than canon/anything I have written previously - Pacifica, Wendy, and Candy are all projected to be narrators, with Grenda also at least being an important character and possibly a fourth narrator. Compare to FWJB, where the narrators consisted of ten dudes, Bill, and Mabel…and although I put him in his own category, Bill does seem to use he/him pronouns when interacting with English-speaking mortals, and so one could very reasonably argue that the narrators consisted of eleven dudes plus Mabel. Soos may well get some narrator time, but this one also seems on course to primarily focus on the kid characters. Gulp. We’ll see how it goes….)