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longmonthartist · 2 years

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Hey. I saw your Krillin and 18 fanfiction history post and was wondering if you knew which site "dolls that breathe" by Swiss army knife was? I love how dark it was and was bummed out they deleted their dbz work. By the way, you you have any recommendations for K/18 fics that are more....darker? Thanks.

Thanks for the ask. It takes quite some time to go through my favorited fanfic sites so apologies for the wait.

Unfortunately, I cannot find the said fanfic in my favorites and after some digging failed to come up with it. I will; however, try to give you and everyone some resources to dig up some old K18 fanfics. I'll separate them into still functioning sites and sites that require Wayback Machine.

Still working sites:

These sites still work, with the first link being Neishia's Krillin Family Shrine and the second Juuhachigou's world.

Neishia's Krillin Family Shrine is a famous K18 & Marron shrine back in the days. Upon entering, your browser will automatically download something called Krillin's theme, which is a music file. Don't worry, since this file does not hurt your computer I believe. In the Fan Section, you'll find Is This My Destiny and in fanfics section are tones of other stories (I know its weird that stories can be found in two sections of this web).

https://www.oocities.org/hotchic_48162/index2.html

Juuhachigou's World contains a lot of DBZ fanfics written by different authors. In the Fanfiction section, 3 authors have written K18 stories. First author and also the web hostess is Trixie and you'll want to find One Life Lost, Another Gained (this is also on fanfic net I believe). Second is Son Goten where all 3 fanfics here are K18. Third is Android 18 and story's name is Fallen, which is pretty dark so anon might like it.

Also in Juuhachigou's World is a Lemons section. There, the only K18 story being The Truth Behind Those Puppy Dog Eyes written by Android 18 (this one is a very famous K18 lemon back in the early 2000s). There is also another fanfic called Obsessive Love by Android 18 but this is NOT K18 even though on the description said it's K18 lemon. Be warned, you DON'T want to open this.

Sites that require Wayback Machine:

For these sites to work, you need to open Wayback Machine, which is an online archive storing quite a lot of no longer existing sites. Since a lot of old DBZ shrines are hosted using the domain: Geocities, when it got taken down, all the shrines disappeared with it. To use the links below, copy the url and then paste it on Wayback Machine's search bar. you should see not just one page though, but all of the captured versions (literally called captures on the top) of said site (this is important because some fanfics are not included in earlier versions but some later versions have broken links).

Furthermore, you'll need to copy the url of these sites quick since if you are too slow, the browser might redirect you to yahoo or some other sites.

First one is a site created by Crazy Retasu (still on fanfic net with all his stories intact) and the link is http www dot geocities dot com slash crazy underscore retasu (just in case the link below takes you to yahoo). In the Poems & Fanfics section, there's A Belated Observation and The Searching. Unfortunately, both story links do not work here so you are better off reading them on ff net. Still, for those interested in this old site, feel free to take a look.

This next one is the real treasure trove here. The Family Photos - The K&18 Page is an old K18 database housing a lot of contents, including missing works from Swiss Army Knife. In the FANFIC section, you'll want to click on March 8, 2005 version (capture) which contains all of the fanfics. Here, you'll find Swiss Army Knife's A Fading Ki, Half My Soul, Little Guy, Lingering Pain, and Lost Souls. Unfortunately, the specific story requested by anon: Dolls that Breathe cannot be found here. II would also like to recommend: I Wouldn't Change it for the World by Leia, which is a very sweet and kind of dark story that ISN'T featured on Leia's ff net profile.

I hope this helps and happy digging. Also apologies to original authors for sharing the links here. I realize some of these stories are deleted perhaps for a reason but I simply cannot let good stories get forgotten. If anyone find stories they do not like, please also refrain from complaining or flaming the authors.

#krillin #android eighteen #dbz #fanfiction #k18 #android18

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silosene · 5 years

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If you’ve seen this post, you’ll know that a friend and I are working on a post-HTTYD3 roleplay with a few tweaks to the plot to make it more open and cohesive! The abridged summary of differences is as follows: 1. The movie’s plot progressed differently - Grimmel was still found and his armada defeated, and Toothless took the dragons to the Hidden World. The Light Fury has shown up, but she did not play nearly as large a role in the plot, the humans have only gotten vague glimpses of her, and she and Toothless are not mates. 2. The forum is set in an alt-earth with completely different continents, cultures, and people. Most of the forum will involve exploration of these never-before-seen places. 3. Berk still has limited contact with the dragons of the Hidden World, though only a few select people can visit them due to the wild aggressiveness of the Hidden World’s dragons. 4. All canon romantic relationships, including Hiccstrid, are null. They never happened, and will not happen unless agreed-upon by the players. 5. The Light Fury’s appearance and species as a whole is getting a major revamp to feel more unique and specialized. I’ll post it tomorrow!

One of the other things we decided, though, was that the biggest plot hook in the HTTYD series is, “Where did the Night Furies go?” We wanted to keep Toothless unique as the last of his kind, but also add other Furies for plot reasons and to scratch that particular itch, so this is the compromise: meet the Southern Night Fury! A distant relative to the Northern Night Fury - Toothless’s kind - Southerns split from their common ancestors a long time ago, migrating south and adapting to a harsh desert climate.

SPECIES NAME: Southern Night Fury

CLASS: Strike

FIRE TYPE: Plasma blasts, redirected electricity

FEATURES: Thin body; large wings, hip fins, tailfins, and ear nubs; angular features; rough scales and spines; thick serrated claws; retractable teeth

HABITAT: Arid areas, especially desert, scrubland, and forests

COLORS: Black, occasionally lightening into a deep brown. Eyes are in the brown-yellow range, from deep ebony to light dust, occasionally with smatterings of gold; may rarely be orange or even red

SIZE: Medium, around the size of a very large tiger. Slightly smaller than their Northern cousins and with more spines, making riding uncomfortable

TRAINABLE: Yes, with effort

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STATISTICS

Attack: 14

Speed: 20

Armor: 18

Firepower: 11

Shot Limit: 8

Venom: 0

Jaw Strength: 5

Stealth: 19

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ABILITIES

Electrical Redirection: Southern Night Furies have a propensity for accumulating static charge and firing it off at will. Unlike Northern Night Furies, who must enter their ‘alpha mode’ to properly redirect electricity, and whom are often very exhausted by the endeavor, Southerns are capable of utilizing electricity extensively without tiring themselves out.

Static electricity forms best in hot, dry air - yet another reason for the Southern’s chosen habitat of the desert. Southerns tend to naturally accumulate some electrical charge, though getting enough of it to cause sparks or use it as a weapon takes conscious effort. When they do so, they can conduct enough electricity that it begins to spark all across their hide and snap menacingly like a Jacob’s Ladder. Eventually, they can let the charge loose, firing it out of their mouth in a general direction. Unlike plasma blasts, it’s a little trickier to aim, and can sometimes misfire by striking nearby metal objects or other highly conductive objects in the nearby vicinity.

Heat Regulation: Southerns live in a difficult environment, where overheating can easily become deadly. To combat this, their wings, fins, and ears are far larger than Northern’s to serve as heat sinks, but there’s more. Like Northerns, they can use electricity to briefly heat up their scales to the point of making them mirror-like; as the sun in the desert is harsh and bright, this does not serve as camouflage, but instead as a method of reflecting light and heat off their bodies. When under this effect, their glittering scales can be seen for miles, twinkling against the shifting sands like a spotlight.

Because it is so easy for them to siphon electricity from their surroundings, they can keep feeding electrical charge into the effect, maintaining it so long as they have a constant supply of static electricity. This is different from how Northerns cloak themselves: for the Northern, it involves combining electricity and plasma into a single hot blast to cloak themselves, but for Southerns, it is a passive effect that results from a constant charge throughout their hide. The Southern’s mirrorlike scales can pass as camouflage in the right lighting conditions, such as the dark of night, but the ability is not often utilized for this effect, as their dark coloration is usually camouflage aplenty.

Weather Sensitivity: The Southern’s main ear nubs have a very distinct fork at the end, with the two tips growing long and whiskery. They flow beautifully in the wind and are capable of picking up the slightest dip in pressure, allowing Southerns to detect storms long before they arrive. They tend to use this to follow rainstorms, cooling themselves off in the water and drinking from the puddles left behind. This has spawned many local legends about their weather-detecting abilities, such that it is considered good portent if a coven of them is seen dancing in the sky.

Firepower: Though Southerns retain the ability to fire plasma blasts, their fire is notably weaker than a Northern’s. For starters, they have a very clear shot limit (eight) that takes several minutes to recharge when wasted, unlike the Northern’s seemingly indefinite shots. Secondly, their plasma blasts tend to be smaller, weaker, and have less range than a Northern’s. To make up for this, they are incredibly accurate with their shots and capable of firing them in rapid succession.

Agility and Speed: Like their cousins, Southerns are among the fastest of known dragon species, capable of reaching speeds akin to a peregrine falcon when in a dive. Their small, angular bodies are streamlined for flight, and their large wings gives them a low wing load, allowing for tight turns and easy flying.

Strength and Combat: This is a tricky one. Southerns have very powerful legs and thick, serrated claws for digging through soft rock, but they easily come in handy in a scuffle. Though physically smaller than Northerns, most Southerns are stronger than their cousins on the ground, and often use their musculature to their advantage. They are, however, the most lethal in the air, especially when utilizing their plasma blasts or electricity. They prefer to avoid fights when possible.

Stamina and Endurance: As desert-dwellers, endurance is an absolute must. They have thick, pebbly hides and nictitating membranes to protect from harsh dust storms, can survive for weeks without water and months without food, and can withstand a number of blows. Thanks to their yearly migration cycle, they are also built for long-distance flights and are capable of riding air currents for days at a time, even falling asleep mid-flight without falling. Endurance and stamina are their forte.

Senses: Southerns rely primarily on sight and sound. Their eyes are incredibly keen, like a hawk’s, and can spot movement along the sand from miles away. They have reflective eyes, similar to a cat, which allow them to see well in near-darkness. Their massive ears and sensitive eartips are excellent for listening to their surroundings. The rest of their senses are lacking, however. Their sense of touch is immensely poor. Their ability to smell leaves something wanting, as their nose is so often filled with dry air and dirt that scent doesn’t tend to carry well. Their ability to taste has not been recorded.

Intelligence: Like Northern Night Furies, Southerns are incredibly intelligent, capable of understanding basic commands in other languages, comprehending body language, and working together to form strategies. They are a somewhat social species, flocking together in groups called covens that requires them to be able to work together and strategize to take down their prey. Each individual has a distinct personality and tends to make decisions for themselves, making them one of the most human-like dragons in terms of intelligence and capability for anthropomorphization.

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BEHAVIOR AND PERSONALITY

Southern Night Furies are incredibly elusive. Strictly nocturnal and migratory, they never linger in one area for too long, and they cluster in family-based covens; each coven is headed by a mated pair, and the rest of the coven’s members are typically their offspring, with a coven’s size ranging from three to twenty members on average. Sometimes, unrelated Southerns may group together to form a new coven despite having no familial relations. In such cases, dominance battles may occur for who gets the title of leader, following a classic alpha-beta-omega ranking scheme. Non-familial covens are typically chaotic affairs that rarely last long.

Covens can dig very elaborate burrows, called warrens, in soft rock, frequently near rivers and oases. Warrens typically follow a spider-like pattern in shape, with a large central chamber and small branching chambers for individual members to sleep. The most elaborate warrens are often found as extensions of natural caverns, especially caverns with water sources, as covens migrate through the area and add their own touches to the warrens each time.

Thanks to their desert-dwelling nature, Southerns are rarely seen in the open. During the day, they hide in warrens or submerge themselves in sand with only their eyes and ears visible. They tend to sleep during the day, coming out at night to play and hunt. Covens migrate yearly in their natural habitat, going north when the summer heat washes over the desert and coming south when chilly arctic winds strike the coastal forests in the winter.

Among their own kind or others of a similar level of intelligence, Southerns each have very distinct personalities, which vary highly from individual to individual. Some are cautious and reserved, while others are rambunctious and sociable; some are aggressive while others lax, some love the sun while others flee from it. On the whole, however, Southerns tend to be cautious, capricious, and lazy, preferring to conserve energy when possible and avoid humans at all costs.

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WEAKNESSES

The perennial flaw of all Furies is their tailfins, which provide crucial support in flight. Without their tails or wings, they’re downed - and, as Gobber once said, a downed dragon is a dead dragon. Aside from this, the Southern’s biggest flaw would likely be their situational firepower. Once out of plasma, a Southern must rely on electricity as use as a weapon, and while it is capable of killing when used in great amounts, it is difficult to accumulate any sort of meaningful charge if not in ideal conditions. Thus, the best place to keep a Southern would be in a cold, humid environment, such as a foggy bay or rainforest, so as to stunt their electrical buildup.

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TRAINING

Despite being a social breed, a wild Southern is hard to come by, much less tame. They tend to be fickle about their relations to humans, and many dislike being shaken from their natural way of life. They are, however, intelligent enough to recognize when somebody is helping them or doesn’t mean them any harm, and they may choose to pay back debts if they are rescued. Still, they are detached - a Southern, like a Northern, is best bonded with if they are injured or grounded in a way that prevents them from escaping.

The best way to train a Southern is to raise it from the egg. As a part of their evolutionary adaptations, Southerns tend to imprint on the first creature they see when they come out of the egg. In the wild, this is typically their parents, which opens the gateway to their integration into a coven. In captivity, this would be their trainer, of whom they will eventually develop a deep bond with so long as they are treated right.

Hatching a Southern’s egg without the present of a Southern adult is no small task, though. Eggs are laid rarely, in clutches of one to three, and require a significant electrical charge to hatch. Southern’s eggs are typically laid upon high peaks where electrical storms are frequent, allowing for lightning to strike the egg naturally. This, of course, is difficult to do if you’re human and don’t want to be electrocuted, doubly so because in the absence of anybody nearby, a Southern hatchling will often pass through the imprinting phase without imprinting, leading to stunted social growth and creating an individual who will likely grow to become highly suspicious, aggressive, and isolated.

In the absence of a storm, a Southern will often use their own electrical abilities to hatch eggs. This is why it is doubly important to have an adult present. Eggs can go into a stasis-like period for months while awaiting the right conditions, but after about four months of hibernation, the dragon inside dies, rendering the egg useless.

#my writing #dragons: exodus #httyd #httyd 3 spoilers #spoilers #httyd thw spoilers #how to train your dragon #roleplay #night fury #southern night fury #dragon #my art #apologies for the long-ass post #also apologies if the html is broken #i've never used html in my life #httyd roleplay

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corvid-lullaby · 4 years

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Rubs temples

Why is it that Tumblr has to be difficult.

I forgot that posts not originally set as HTML posts will be converted to non-HTML posts when you try to edit them. Staring at you character bio.

So I don’t have to suffer this every damn time, that means I’ll have to repost it as a new post. That thing is long as hell so I apologize ahead of time for any dashboard flooding this may cause. I guess this is what I get for converting an old post instead to avoid flooding. Alas~

I also apologize in general for the weird, unfinished set up I have here between a self-coded and very broken theme to trying to make things Tumblr App friendly.

There’s new and old folks I wanna rp with but I should get this done first so it’s not such a mess to understand.

For your sake.

Ho ho ho- /shot/

#kanpai•

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helloiamausacresfan · 4 years

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Link to Yahoo!/Associated Press article: “ California governor went to party, violated own virus rules “-"Rules for thee, but not for me and my fellow rich elites!!!!!" I know everyone screws up, I've actually screwed up multiple times this year myself and fully apologize for all of them, but MAN is this a terrible look for Newsom when the state's starting to surge-AND he's literally broken his OWN current virus rules by doing this, too! I like governors who DON'T make stupid, hypocritical decisions during the very worst phase of a breath-spread pandemic so far, thank you. Everyone who also despises this please #VoteHimOut in 2022! Spoiled rich hypocrite Newsom does NOT deserve re-election!

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mechanical-magician · 4 years

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Redesign I tried my best on

In a previous post I did a redesign of a character of mine named Tom, an inventor who figured out to clone himself. These clones are not perfect however, and he makes variations to their biology in order to better serve the function he wants them to do.

In the case of the character I redesigned today, I did model 6 of the current 13 models I’ve design. Model T06; aka Tiffany, was created to be a nanny. I don’t want to go super into details about the world this takes place in sense this is about character design, but I will give some details for context. They live in a world where 3/4ths of the population no longer exists in a mass plague around 40 years ago. This takes place in the recovery period from the tragedy, where there’s a struggle for broken families, people have a harder time getting jobs, and everything you would expect in such a circumstance. Tom invented his clones to create workers to fill in the jobs that can be done at a more basic level. Things like cooking, construction, cleaning, etc., which frees up budget for companies to hire people into higher positions, which require more intellect to get done. Basically, giving these clones the basic jobs, while the humans do the things only the mind of a human could do. Tiffany is designed to be a nanny who can take care of children in the case that the child’s parent(s) are working, which in this world is most likely the case. PREAMBLE ASIDE! Here is the original and redone designs:

I wanted to convey that Tiffany is a nanny, and so I had to think about what makes a parent so soothing and comfortable to a child. My head immediately thought of how mothers are portrayed in old nursery rhymes. They always looked so soft and sweet. Therefore, I decided to make her colors very soft, and give her clothes that look themselves soft. Where as in the original design, Tiffany looks more like just a school girl, and far younger, I wanted this design to show her as a matured adult, while not being particularly old either. A sort of ageless look to her that one would see in a nursery rhyme or fairytale. I also gave her a bag to hold things like diapers, bottles, and other things one would need to care for a child. Otherwise, there’s not many notable changes to her outfit. As for her face, I really struggled to get that ageless look I wanted. Before, she had a small nose, where as now I gave her a longer and more pronounced nose. While part of this is due to how my style has evolved over the years, I also intentional did this to give it a more mature look. Her mouth is lower down, and her general expression isn’t excitable as before. It appears coy and calm, inspiration that I drew from the “Mona Lisa” of all things. The “Mona Lisa” was actually a large part in how I studied to create this ageless look.

Pic from: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/world-history/mona-lisa-gherardini-book-people-and-the-painting-martin-kemp-and-giuseppe-pallanti-florence-a7916991.html

While I am certainly not someone who is an art junkie or critique, I can find appreciation in works like this. I drew inspiration from how DeVinci gave his painting an expression that’s hard to read. Happy yet sad, coy yet curious, she almost seems judgemental if you ask me. Back to discussing how this links to Tiffany, I wanted just wanted to show what I used to help me improve how I convey my characters’ emotions. I apologize, I’m not that good with my words (I feel like I say this in every post now) Formal speak aside, I’m not as confident in this new redesign tbh. But that’s ok, because it’s not about mistakes : ) It’s about improvement! I might just do the whole clone batch. Also, thanks again to @lil-coffee-cat for helping me develop Tiffany over the years, and helping me with this redesign!

#art #tried #improvement #character #original character #redesign #design

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trenchcoatkitten · 4 years

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So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST)

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue.

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks.

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice)

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me.

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers!

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it?

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours.

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good.

ily :’)

#my writing #dont open this unless you're ready #its like 1.5k words long #I WENT OFF #i have so many feelings ok #i have so so so many feelings #thank you so much for sending me an ask #i love you nonny #sami answers

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mochibuni · 5 years

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If you haven't really heard of Drachea Rannak before his Sailor Marvel drawing, despite him making the Sailor Senshi doll maker-- There is a reason why you don't really hear about him in SM fandom or on art websites. It's because he was found tracing officially licensed art without credit, some for profit. He wouldn't apologize and instead threw a fit and left fandom and most popular art spaces, and we haven't welcomed him back since.

Cut for drama ramblings.

This is also old drama. Like 2010 drama. Most of it is deleted because it happened on DA and was lost when he rage quit the website and people who pointed out his theft are long deleted now, probably because they were being asses themselves. You can still find snips of people talking about it on LJ (https://deviantartsnark.livejournal.com/2507980.html), but nearly all the image evidence has been deleted. Basically people were overlaying his art onto official Sailor Moon art and yes they lined up really, really nicely.

This was the original call out post for his tracing (warning that the op is an utter dick): https://www.deviantart.com/piefromthesky/journal/DracheaRannak-226553712

Unfortunately the image links in that post are broken, but here are some working ones:

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af74/Hecate_Lupin/lol.jpg http://s995.photobucket.com/user/Hecate_Lupin/media/moonies.jpg.html

My personal opinion is he was tracing back then, but looking at his work in the last five year, I think he definitely doesn’t now. I debated on whether to post about this because I don’t actually want to stir up old drama, I don’t think he traces anymore-- but I’m really, really annoyed because I think there’s more deserving people who weren’t little shits about theft that deserve recognition.

Maybe he feels remorseful now and has apologized, I wouldn't know because I deliberately didn’t follow him off of DA. But he's stayed mostly to Facebook until recently and I feel that's pretty telling (though some of his detractors were pretty awful, I’d probably hide on fb, too), so in all, I'm unwilling to celebrate an art thief and I find it disappointing Brie Larson had to be caught up with him.

eta: I went through his Facebook gallery to see if he uploaded any of the art that was accused of tracing so I could look at it again-- and it’s not there. He either never uploaded it or deleted it at some point, which good on him, I think?

#mochi vs fandom #drama

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whenfrasermetbeauchamp · 6 years

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The death of Geordie, hideous as it was, put only a momentary damper on the celebrations. A lavish funeral Mass was said over him that afternoon in the castle chapel, and the games began the next morning.

I saw little of them, being occupied in patching up the participants. All I could say for sure of authentic Highland games is that they were played for keeps. I bound up some fumble-foot who had managed to slash himself trying to dance between swords, I set the broken leg of a hapless victim who’d got in the way of a carelessly thrown hammer, and I doled out castor oil and nasturtium syrup to countless children who had overindulged in sweeties. By late afternoon, I was near exhaustion.

I climbed up on the surgery table in order to poke my head out of the tiny window for some air. The shouts and laughter and music from the field where the games were held had ceased. Good. No more new patients, then, at least not until tomorrow. What had Rupert said they were going to do next? Archery? Hmm. I checked the supply of bandages, and wearily closed the surgery door behind me.

Leaving the castle, I trailed downhill toward the stables. I could do with some good nonhuman, nonspeaking, nonbleeding company. I also had in mind that I might find Jamie, whatever his last name was, and try again to apologize for involving him in the oath-taking. True, he had brought it off well, but clearly he would not have been there at all, left to his own devices. As to the gossip Rupert might now be spreading about our supposed amorous dalliance, I preferred not to think.

As to my own predicament, I preferred not to think about that, either, but I would have to, sooner or later. Having so spectacularly failed to escape at the beginning of the Gathering, I wondered whether the chances might be better at the end. True, most of the horses would be leaving, along with the visitors. But there would be a number of castle horses still available. And with luck, the disappearance of one would be put down to random thievery; there were plenty of villainous-looking scoundrels hanging about the fairground and the games. And in the confusion of leaving, it might be some time before anyone discovered that I was gone.

I scuffed along the paddock fence, pondering escape routes. The difficulty was that I had only the vaguest idea where I was, with reference to where I wanted to go. And since I was now known to virtually every MacKenzie between Leoch and the Border, thanks to my doctoring at the games, I would not be able to ask directions.

I wondered suddenly whether Jamie had told Colum or Dougal of my abortive attempt to escape on the night of the oath-taking. Neither of them had mentioned it to me, so perhaps not.

There were no horses out in the paddock. I pushed open the stable door, and my heart skipped a beat to see both Jamie and Dougal seated side by side on a bale of hay. They looked almost as startled at my appearance as I was at theirs, but gallantly rose and invited me to sit down.

“That’s all right,” I said, backing toward the door. “I didn’t mean to intrude on your conversation.”

“Nay, lass,” said Dougal, “what I’ve just been saying to young Jamie here concerns you too.

”I cast a quick look at Jamie, who responded with a trace of a headshake. So he hadn’t told Dougal about my attempted escape.

I sat down, a bit wary of Dougal. I remembered that little scene in the corridor on the night of the oath-taking, though he had not referred to it since by word or gesture.

“I’m leaving in two days’ time,” he said abruptly. “And I’m taking the two of you with me.”

“Taking us where?” I asked, startled. My heart began to beat faster.

“Through the MacKenzie lands. Colum doesna travel, so visiting the tenants and tacksmen that canna come to the Gathering—that’s left to me. And to take care of the bits of business here and there.…” He waved a hand, dismissing these as trivial.

“But why me? Why us, I mean?” I demanded.

He considered for a moment before answering. “Why, Jamie’s a handy lad wi’ the horses. And as to you, lass, Colum thought it wise I should take ye along as far as Fort William. The commander there might be able to…assist ye in finding your family in France.” Or to assist you, I thought, in determining who I really am. And how much else are you not telling me? Dougal stared down at me, obviously wondering how I would take this news.

“All right,” I said tranquilly. “That sounds a good idea.” Outwardly tranquil, inwardly I was rejoicing. What luck! Now I wouldn’t have to try to escape from the castle. Dougal would take me most of the way himself. And from Fort William, I thought I could find my own way without much difficulty. To Craigh na Dun. To the circle of standing stones. And with luck, back home.

— Outlander/Cross Stitch

Photo: Starz, Season One, Episode Four, August 30, 2014

Gif: Murtagh*: https://outlander-online.com/2018/08/07/our-gifs-from-outlander-season-1-part-iii-128-gifs/ Season One, Episode Four, August 30, 2014 (*If this is your gif, thank you. Please send me a Direct Message and I’ll edit this post to credit you. Thanks!)

Gifs: Shinty*: https://ontd-sassenach.livejournal.com/66143.html Season One, Episode Four, August 30, 2014 (*If these are your gifs, thank you. Please send me a Direct Message and I’ll edit this post to credit you. Thanks! )

Book: Outlander (Cross Stitch), Chapter Ten, Diana Gabaldon, 1991

Tumblr: September 7, 2018, WhenFraserMetBeauchamp 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿❤️🇬🇧

WFMB’s Tags: #Outlander #Season One Episode Four #S1E4 #The Gathering #Outlander/Cross Stitch #Chapter Ten #I taught you this game lad #You taught me well #Jamie Fraser #Dougal MacKenzie #Murtagh FitzGibbons Fraser #19 #090718

#Outlander #Season One Episode Four #S1E4 #The Gathering #Outlander/Cross Stitch #Chapter Ten #I taught you this game lad #You taught me well #Jamie Fraser #Dougal MacKenzie #Murtagh FitzGibbons Fraser #19 #090718

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moonlightdistractions · 5 years

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I'm so emotional about Jensen, Jared and Misha's 'This Is The End' message that I had to edit that last post 4x after posting it.

I apologize to those that already reblogged it, but I fixed the broken link (my HTML code was off).

I'm still very emotional. I did another post and messed it up so deleted it.

Holy crap. Why is this hitting me so hard? I knew it had to end! 15 Seasons is more than we could ever ask for. Jensen, Jared and Misha are tired, they need to move on.

Also, it's not over yet.

#supernatural #the farewell tour #my thoughts #which are compromised due to feelings

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biglisbonnews · 1 year

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Ezra Miller Reaches Plea Agreement Over Booze Burglary Just a day before their scheduled hearing, Ezra Miller has reportedly reached a plea agreement over last year's Vermont booze burglary case.Miller is set to plead guilty to trespassing, rather than felony burglary, after they allegedly broke into their neighbor's home and stole three bottles of liquor, Deadline reports. The lesser charge of trespassing comes with a fine of $500 and a $192 surcharge with up to three months in prison and, per Miller's attorney, will also include the court's original condition that Miller refrain from contacting the homeowners.Miller appeared in court last October (virtually) to plead not guilty to the initial count of felony burglary and misdemeanor petty larceny, which carried a maximum prison sentence of up to 26 years and a $2,000 fine. The actor was alleged to have broken into the home of their neighbor Isaac Winokur and stolen bottles of vodka, gin and rum from his pantry, claiming that they were looking for ingredients for a recipe. Miller is expected to formally notify the court of their plea agreement during their previously scheduled January 13 hearing, with court documents mentioning a one-year period of probation and a total suspended sentence of 89-90 days. The Vermont incident is just one of several run-ins the actor had with the law over the course of the past year. Miller amassed ten 911 calls in the span of a month in Hawaii and arrests for disorderly conduct and harassment at a karaoke bar and for throwing a chair at a woman (in a separate incident). They also face allegations of grooming that resulted in orders of protection from two separate families and a report that Miller had been housing a mother and three children in unsafe conditions at their Vermont ranch.Following the series of disturbing headlines, Miller put out a statement in August that they were seeking treatment for "complex mental health issues" amid word that Warner Bros. was exploring options for a limited publicity run for The Flash, which is set to come out this June."Having recently gone through a time of intense crisis, I now understand that I am suffering complex mental health issues and have begun ongoing treatment," Miller said in the statement. "I want to apologize to everyone that I have alarmed and upset with my past behavior. I am committed to doing the necessary work to get back to a healthy, safe and productive stage in my life."Photo via Getty/ Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/ FilmMagic https://www.papermag.com/ezra-miller-vermont-plea-agreement-2659205696.html

#Matt Moen #PAPER #The Blind Machine #Plea agreement #Burglary #Vermont #Mental health #The flash #Ezra miller

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punkassrichie · 7 years

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yo for the prompt ask, some angsty 49+50 that ends in not quite angst, but not quite fluff if that makes sense? like reddie or stenbrough or bichie or whatever works?

i have no idea how long this has been sitting in my inbox and i apologize but here it is !!! i also decided to go with Bichie because it’s such an underrated ship and i loVe it!!¡

oh, and… i made it more angsty than fluffy bc apparently fluff just doesn’t flow with me *shrugs* and it’s longer than i wanted it to be but hope you still like it!

Bichie + 49. “I’d rather die.” + 50. “Please… I need you.”

Warnings: angst, mentions of abuse, suicide attempt, underage drinking, vom-vom

special thanks to @trashmoutheds & @trxshmouth-t0zier bc they helped me (STEPH HARDLY DID BUT WHATEVER STILL LUV U SNAKEY SNAKE) anyway, ily guys and thank uuuuuuu 💖

(if my html tags don’t work i’m gonna kms k bye)

—

Richie’s had enough.

It wasn’t enough when he already had shitty, neglectful parents, but he also had untreated ADHD which really put him on edge sometimes and even though he knew he was book smart, he was still failing his classes simply because he can’t concentrate most days. And half of the time, this was okay to Richie. He could live with this.

But then he thought he couldn’t live with heart break.

He thought Eddie felt the same. He really did.

He confessed his feelings to him, in hopes that the smaller boy would feel the same. But he didn’t.

Some may say the boy is exaggerating, but Eddie was the only thing keeping him happy. Along with the other losers but they didn’t make him happy like Eddie did. He didn’t love them like he loved Eddie.

Richie was in love with Eddie.

Problem was, Eddie wasn’t in love with him. He loves him sure, but Eddie isn’t gay.

Eddie tried to let him down the best he could, which Richie appreciated, but it still hurt. It really fucking hurt.

He cried himself to sleep that night.

But very deep down inside of him, he knew that it was okay. That he couldn’t do anything about it and Eddie would still be his best friend forever.

He got a glimmer of hope, that he could live knowing Eddie didn’t feel the same for him.

Until the one time his alcoholic parents decided to finally notice him, Richie wasn’t in the mood. They were putting him down, telling him he was good for nothing and he wasn’t going anywhere in his life. His mother always reminding him about how she wanted a daughter instead of him. Richie stood up to them for once, causing his father to beat him to a pulp. His father told him to never disrespect him or his mother again when he was done.

It had been a few days since then, almost a week. Richie hadn’t been going to school, partially because his face was bruised and he didn’t want people, who didn’t care, asking questions.

But mostly because he was thinking about just… ending it all.

Sure he had his friends who loved him to death, but even then he thought– no, knew, that they were getting sick and tired of his jokes. Of him.

Since things were getting bad fast, he turned to his coping mechanism which was to be as inappropriate and as loud as he could be. He couldn’t help it, truthfully, but his friends didn’t believe that.

Every time they hung out it was “Beep beep, Richie,” this, “Beep beep, Richie,” that. He couldn’t take it anymore.

He thought everything would be better if he was just gone… forever.

So he decided. He was going to kill himself. He couldn’t take it. The constant pain. He didn’t have anyone he could turn to. Eddie used to be that person but now Richie thinks Eddie is disgusted by him. No, he knew that he was.

He walked over to his bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. His parents had different kinds of stuff. Richie knew that if he took enough, he would succeed.

In the back of his mind, he knew that there was a way to fix this. He knew he could just talk to his friends and maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.

But he didn’t want to seem weak. He didn’t want to seem like he needed anybody. He’d rather take the pills than show any kind of emotions to anyone. Last time he tried doing that, he got rejected. And it still hurt.

But maybe… just maybe…

“I’d rather die.” Richie whispered to himself as he thought it over one last time. And it was true. He would rather die than talk about his feelings, just to be rejected again. He looked at the bottle of pills, knowing that it was the only way.

He took them with a small bottle of whiskey his parents had in their liquor cabinet.

He took a whole bottle of pills, and after a couple, he was already feeling a bit dizzy. But he kept going until he was finished with the bottle.

He went back to his room to lay on his bed. He was panting and sweating, his insides feeling stiff and his stomach feeling queasy.

He hadn’t realized he still had the empty bottle of pills in his hands until he clutched it against his chest.

That was the last thing he remembered before blacking out.

His last thoughts being, “This is the only way. The only way to make it all go away.”

—

Bill had become worried of Richie lately. He knew he was dealing with a broken heart, but he didn’t think it was bad enough for him to miss a week of school.He asked Eddie if he knew where he was but he didn’t. He hadn’t talked to him since Richie told him how he felt.

And if Eddie was being honest, he felt a little weird to be around him. Maybe they just needed some time apart, he thought.

Bill knew what went on in his house, just like Richie knew about Bill. Their parents were both neglectful but Richie’s were worse. They both knew that.

Ever since Georgie died, Bill had been relying on Richie. Richie was his shoulder to cry on. His ear to listen. Richie was always there for Bill. So much that Bill didn’t realize that no one was there for Richie. He tried to be, but Richie always avoided the subject of talking about his feelings. He only ever talked about his parents on two occasions with Bill because he wasn’t in his right mind.

He grew incredibly concerned and knew something wasn’t right. Bill decided to go to Richie’s after school.

He biked over there as fast he could, barely saying goodbye to the other losers.

When he arrived, he threw his bike on the lawn and ran to knock on the door.

Something definitely didn’t feel right.

It took him a while to notice that his parents weren’t even home.

He tried opening the door but it was locked. He settled for climbing over a window that was opened in the kitchen, hoping that both of his parents were actually gone.

He didn’t have time to catch his breath because Bill really did had a horrible feeling about this whole situation.

And when he walked into Richie’s room, confirming his bad feeling, he started freaking out and crying.

He still doesn’t know how he knew but he didn’t have time to figure it out. He could see the empty bottle of pills from a mile away in Richie’s hand, so he had to get them out. He rushed over to Richie to see if he was still breathing, but he couldn’t tell. He started shaking up and shouting his name to try and wake him up.

When Richie wouldn’t wake up, Bill started bawling. But he couldn’t stop. He had to figure something out.

Before he knew it, Bill was basically dragging Richie to the bathroom.

It took him a while but he got there. Richie’s body didn’t feel like he was dead. It was still warm.

Bill propped Richie up the best he could over the toilet bowl as he stuck his fingers down his throat.

Nothing was coming up at first, making Bill lose his small glimmer of hope.

”Please… I need you.” Bill sobbed as he desperately tried to get Richie’s gag reflex to act up.

Suddenly, Richie started sputtering and throwing up the pills.

Bill sighed with relief.

“Yeah, t-t-there you go, b-buddy… Get them o-out.” Bill sniffled as he rubbed Richie’s back.

In the middle of Richie’s retching, he began sobbing.

“I’m so sorry, Bill.” Richie hiccuped.

Bill held him the best he could and cried with him.

“It’s okay, Rich. You’re okay. Everything’s okay.”

—

After nearly an hour of Richie throwing up, crying, and apologizing, Bill got him to clean up.

While Richie was in the shower, he cleaned up the bathroom and himself since vomit went everywhere, then went to Richie’s room. He looked for some clean, dry clothes for Richie to wear when he got out of the shower.

Bill placed the clothes on Richie’s bed and headed downstairs to make some tea for Richie. He figured Richie would have an upset stomach after what happened.

When he was done, he went back upstairs, careful not to spill the hot tea on the floor or himself.

He entered the Richie’s room to find Richie laying on the bed, sobbing softly with a towel around his waist.

Bill felt his eyes well up with tears again but he knew he had to put his feelings aside. He had to be there for him like Richie had for a long time.

He placed the hot mug on Richie’s bedside table and walked over to Richie to put his arms around him as tight as he could. Bill knew all he needed was a good cry. Just to let it all out before he was okay to talk about it. Even if he didn’t, Bill would still be there for him.

Eventually, Richie calmed down. Tears were still in his eyes but he stopped shaking.

Bill didn’t know what to ask. How to ask. He couldn’t ask him if he was okay because he clearly wasn’t. He was feeling horrible and didn’t know how to comfort him.

“I️-I️ thought the pain would stop… But i just made it worse.” Richie let out a gut wrenching sob at the last word of his sentence.

“It’s okay, Rich.” Bill breathed out, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “You’re okay. Everything will be okay.”

Richie turned around and hugged Bill back like his life depended on it. He thought he was done with the sobbing, but yet, there he was, crying into Bill’s chest as soon as Bill laid beside him.

And Bill just held him until Richie fell asleep.

—Tags: @spicyymoon–lovve @whipashwhipash @eddie-kaspjack @rainy-kaspbrak @theperksofbeingawallflwer @richie-n-eds @eddiekaspbraklives

#bichie #my prompts #angst #THIS IS MORE sad than i wanted to be iM SORRY

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gospelmusic · 3 years

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Breaking The Cycle - Our Daily Bread ODB Devotional + Insight: 12 January 2021

Breaking the Cycle

By Alyson Kieda for ODBIf anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17 Read: 2 Corinthians 5:14–21 Bible in a Year: Genesis 29–30; Matthew 9:1–17 David’s first beating came at the hands of his father on his seventh birthday, after he accidentally broke a window. “He kicked me and punched me,” David said. “Afterward, he apologized. He was an abusive alcoholic, and it’s a cycle I’m doing my best to end now.” (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); But it took a long time for David to get to this point. Most of his teen years and twenties were spent in jail or on probation, and in and out of addiction treatment centers. When it felt like his dreams were entirely dashed, he found hope in a Christ-centered treatment center through a relationship with Jesus. “I used to be filled with nothing but despair,” David says. “Now I’m pushing myself in the other direction. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I tell God is that I’m surrendering my will over to Him.” When we come to God with lives shattered, whether by others’ wrongdoing or by our own, God takes our broken hearts and makes us new: “If anyone is in Christ, . . . the old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Christ’s love and life breaks into the cycles of our past, giving us a new future (vv. 14–15). And it doesn’t end there! Throughout our lives, we can find hope and strength in what God has done and continues to do in us—each and every moment. Where were you headed when you received Jesus as your Savior? How does it help to know that God continues to shape your life to increasingly resemble His? Dear God, thank You for interrupting the downward trajectory of my life and making me a new creation! Make me ever more like You. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Insight

At the heart of the concept of becoming one with Jesus is His work of reconciliation in us. In 2 Corinthians 5, Paul weaves several themes together—life, love, new creation, and the ministry of reconciliation—all framed by a call to act with urgency. It’s because of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection that we can be reconciled to God. Those who accept His gift of reconciliation should “no longer live for themselves” (v. 15). Instead, we’re compelled to view everyone differently (v. 16), as people in dire need of Jesus’ reconciliation. And what is this reconciliation? God will no longer “[count] people’s sins against them” (v. 19). With urgency, Paul tells us that we’re now Christ’s ambassadors of reconciliation and says, “We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God” (v. 20).

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You may also like our gospel worship songs page which contains, the best, coolest and hottest Nigerian Gospel Songs, and Foreign Gospel Songs. Whatsoever is the mood, we've got you covered. Do you feel like dancing, rejoicing, shouting, screaming, or you're filled with jubilation because of the Mighty things the Lord has done? Then look no further, cos our gospel praise songs page, containing the hottest Nigerian and foreign praise songs collection, was prepared specifically for you. Peradventure you need the lyrics of the songs you are downloading now, just downloaded, or have downloaded before, our lyrics page is the best place to look. What more could be more helpful and entertaining than seeing the lyrics of your most favourite song before you, as the music unfolds unto the climax. Hey we've been there before, and still encounter it from time to time when the vocals get lost in the cloud of heavy orchestration.

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Are You a Classical Music lover, our classical music page, contains the best of classical songs, composed and written by composers like G. F Handel, Bach, Joseph Haydn, etc. As you listen to your best gospel song, you may also want to get some more insight and knowledge about the word of God, from eBooks written by God's servants, or you may want to learn something new or build yourself up in some way. Then our eBook Page is the right place to look. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); You may be in need of entertainment, and probably want to watch a video too. We understand that as well. You can get entertaining video downloads from our video downloads page.

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#Music #Lyrics

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theseaeaglelives · 4 years

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Round 3

THE SEA EAGLE

MAKING RUGBY LEAGUE GREAT AGAIN!!!

Round 3

Manly Sea Eagles 32

Defeated

Canterbury Bulldogs 6

Playing at an empty stadium at the Central Coast is nothing new for Manly with this phenomena dating back to the ill-feted Northern Eagles debacle in the late 1990’s. Having said that, Manly do have an imposing record at this ground having won 13 of the past 16 outings.

Showing that he was feeling no ill-effect of the COVID-19 inspired lockdown Tommy Turbo opened Manly’s account after 5 minutes following a strong break from Moses Suli. Tommy then doubled up shortly thereafter when set up by brother Jake and Manly were well and truly on their way. Only some poor goal kicking from the usually reliable Ruben Garrick prevented Manly from fully extending their early dominance.

The remainder of the first half was a fairly dour offering with both sides appearing somewhat rusty and sloppy with ball control. Manly however were less rusty and less sloppy than their opponents.

Shortly before half-time Tommy Turbo turned provider putting Brad Parker over. The Sea Eagle has been singing the praises of young Parker for some time now and he looks a likely prospect. Halftime Manly 14-0.

Manly started the second half in much the same fashion as the first and when Horhay Torfua crossed only minutes in they were well and truly running roughshod over the hapless Dogs outfit.

Further tries to Curtis Sironen, Brad Parker and Rueben Garrick (and a late consolation to the Dogs) and Manly ended up running out 32-6 winners, strangely though a score line which did not fully reflect their dominance and to some extent flattered the Dogs.

Next week, it’s the despised Eels so bring it on!!

President Trump Named China Virus Lockdown NRL Wrap

A lot has taken place since the Sea Eagle’s last report, and none of it good. You know the world has gone to sh$t when the leading news story (and on more than one occasion) in all mainstream media in Australia is “90-YEAR-OLD DIES IN NURSING HOME”.

https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/fay-rendoth-92-latest-newmarch-house-resident-to-die-with-covid-19-20200509-p54rd8.html

With the game in lock down due to a President Trump described “China Virus”, the NRL faced the nightmare scenario. That is having got through the usual off season atrocities, they found themselves after two rounds of the competition, in lockdown, and the players left to their own devices. Thankfully, the pubs and clubs were closed.

As Phil Gould succinctly put it for a small portion of players, the best thing that they can do is get back into the usual routines of training and playing and not being distracted by external influences (eg the real world).

During this COVID-19 inspired debacle the world as we know it has changed and the NRL has not been immune to the perils inflicted by this debacle. Back in March when the NRL went into hiatus the Sea Eagle will admit he had grave fears for the safety of society. Not because of the health impact of the virus, but more due to the potential for greater harm when 500 or so NRL players transition to, for want of a better term “an off-season”. It has been well documented that a dormant NRL player is a dangerous commodity and without the structure of a regular playing and training schedule there was potential for all hell to break loose.

Surprising though, in the main NRL players towed the line during this period of lockdown, however there can be no doubt that Rugby League is the gift that continually keeps giving and not surprisingly there were a few notable exceptions. So here goes with the tale of the tape for the 8 or so weeks of the lockdown for what President Trump describes as the “China Virus”.

Latrell Mitchell & Josh Addo Carr (and some Newcastle Knights reserve grader) shooting and camping during lock down Apr 20

Latrell Mitchell will no longer be the NRL’s poster boy as it emerged that he and Addo “the Fox” Carr and a few of the bros, went a huntin, a shootin and a fishin way up near Taree, despite strict regulations not to leave home unless exercising etc.

This certainly raises questions about his professionalism and approach to the game of young Lattrell and vindicates the Roosters decision to let him leave.

Regrettably, these imbeciles felt it necessary to have videos sprayed over social media over this incident. Naturally breaching social distance and health regulation rules saw them issued with fines, and the NRL Integrity Unit had to look into yet again, more stupidity .

The NRL also had to scrap its Simply The Best advertising campaign that featured the controversial image of Latrell Mitchell draped in the Aboriginal flag. Yet again this is yet another shining example of what happens when the NRL put a player up as the face of the game . History is littered with players given this most deadly of honours.

Once a player is the face of the game, inevitably some sort of atrocity arises involving said player, soon after the opening advertisement occurs arises , causing a very expensive ad campaign to be pulled from the screens.

Let’s look at this way. At the height of the COVID debacle and at a time when NRL Chairman Peter V’landys was doing his utmost to restart the competition these clowns broke the two cardinal rules of lockdown. Firstly, by trotting off to Mitchell’s property in northern NSW for a weekend with their mates consisting of dirt-bike riding, discharging shot-guns at glass bottles, camping and boozing. Secondly and even more stupidly, particularly if you have already broken rule one, by filming and posting said exploits on a social media.

And it gets worse, when it came to light that RLPA boss Clint Newton, who was deeply involved with Vlandys at the time, in restart negotiations and player payments, clicked “LIKE” on some of the social media posts – it beggars’ belief.

Unable to refute their actions (due to the fact that thousands of people had viewed the snapchat posts), Messrs Mitchell and Addo-Carr issued the obligatory apologies citing that the weekend away was a “cultural gathering” where they were “learning about our land”. Yes, a cultural gathering indeed, in fact the only thing missing from this cultural extravaganza was some boomerangs, a didgeridoo and a stirring rendition of an indigenous war-dance.

Despite calls for these clowns to be stood down for the season, sanity prevailed and the NRL imposed $20K fines and suspended sentences. They were also fined $1,000 from the police for flaunting lock-down rules and the Fox faces further charges relating to the use of firearms, without a permit and riding a motorcycle without a helmet (this last one being the most heinous of all alleged offences).

Panthers star Nathan Cleary caught flouting social distancing protocol Easter 20

We all remember this screamer. Nathan Cleary had five or six chicky babes (in the Sea Eagle’s view some quite spunky young lasses) come over for a few drinks, a bit of dancing and who knows what else. His flatmate Tyrone May was involved as well, it is suggested.

Tyrone May (we all remember him; he is the one who was three-year community corrections order over a sex tape scandal in recent times ) will also miss two matches on top of the four-match suspension he already had to start the 2020 competition. May has been fined $15,000. Apparently for misleading the Integrity Unit.

This whole incident immediately conjured up images of some sort of reverse gangbang scenario wherein young Nate was servicing an assortment of Panther groupies with Tyrone adopting his rightful position directing proceedings, Iphone in hand.

Unfortunately, the reality was a lot less salacious and the video in question was some sort of (fully clothed) TikTok (WTF??) dance routine. Again, the two cardinal rules of lockdown were broken. Firstly, by inviting a bevvy of young girls around and breaking social distancing restrictions during these crazy times and then secondly and even more stupidly, particularly if you have already broken rule one, by filming and posting these exploits on a social media platform for all to see.

Cleary copped a fine for his efforts, a bit of a suspension and some rather unfortunate embarrassment because he misled the integrity unit with his answers to some of the relevant questions. The only relevant question the NRL Integrity unit needed to ask was how he handled that many girls on his own in one night? The answer is anyone’s guess. But he is rugby league, so anything is possible. But regrettably, the girls thought it was a good idea to spray it all on social media, and the rest, as they say, is history.

As for the NRL Integrity Unit it needs to be renamed to simply the NRL Crime Commission.

Cody Walker Police investigate after footage emerges of fight linked to alleged blackmail of Cody Walker

In a belated off-season related incident Rabbitoh 5/8, Cody Walker, has been suspended for two matches and fined $15K, following the release of a video which shows him inflicting what appears to be a kung-fu style kick on a man during a fight in December 2019.

It is understood that the video, only came to light after Walker approached the police after reportedly being blackmailed. Apparently, the alleged blackmailer contacted Walker’s manager, seeking money to stop the video from being leaked to the media.

The situation then took a bizarre twist when it was discovered the blackmailer’s phone number had been traced back to another player manager, who is now reportedly also being investigated.

The Rabbitohs have also been fined $20,000 for not informing the NRL Integrity Unit of the incident.

This is pure rugby league and has all the elements of a good NRL scandal (i.e. violence, blackmail and cover-ups) and whilst Walker was not charged by police, it’s a bad look for the game and again highlights the perils of a dormant NRL player in the off-season.

The footage of the shirtless Souths star showed him kicking a man in the chest in a street fight in northern New South Wales (Casino) late in 2019 , however is disturbing.

Not strictly a breach of Covid 19/President Trump China Virus health protocols but still worthy of mention because as usual, it happened when the players were not playing .

Super coach Wayne Bennett had to deal with some uncomfortable questioning as well from the Integrity Unit about failure to notify.

And finally, it is worth noting the common thread that young Cody has with the other two delinquent clowns above

Anti Vaxxing. Flu shots,

As we know , one of the requirements for the game to recommence playing was that all players had to have a flu jab . The fact that the flu is not COVID-19 , and has never been required of players in the past , would seemingly make this health requirement from the State Health mandarins something of a nonsense.

But given these public servant imbeciles are the same type of people that let the Ruby Princess Petri Dish of Coronavirus arrive in Sydney and then release infected passengers into the general community, one shouldn't expect anything else but this type of stupidity.

In any event, Bryce Cartwright of the Gold Coast Titans and a few other players are quite affronted by these requirements and have relied on their basic human rights not to be given a filthy big needle against their will.

What a debacle. In the Sea Eagle’s opinion this is very simple. The NRL has no bargaining power with government, so it has to behave as the bosses say, or no NRL fixtures. In that light, it is necessary to get the players in and tell them in simple terms, as this is usually the maximum capacity of their understanding: Mate, No shot no play. No play no pay. Don’t slam the door when you leave.

Strike action will turn fans against NRL referees, warns Harrigan

One of the changes during the President Trump China Virus lockdown was the reduction from 2 fwits on the field to a single one, ie 1 referee. Naturally, the Referees union was up in arms and threatened strike action . Former top referee Bill Harrigan weighed into the action and warned the NRL's whistle-blowers against taking strike action. Basically warning that fans will likely turn against them (ie the Refs) if they threaten the May 28 restart date.

Anyone who buys into this bovine excrement (ie BS) has never been to an NRL fixture. News flash . The fans hate the ref!!! And Harrigan certainly understands this. we all remember Manly coach Bob Fulton recommend a cement truck be driven over him in 87 after an absolutely appalling refereeing performance (personal opinion) directed against the mighty Sea Eagles .

Naturally, the Refs having to face the wrath of new NRL supremo Peter V’landys, capitulated on their threat of industrial action, and the game rolls on.

Bronson Xerri- Sharks positive performance enhancing substance test

Two days out from the first game back with the NRL looking forward to a clean sheet and a new start, this one arrives.

The list of what Mr Xerri allegedly took is incomprehensible . Apparently had returned a positive A-sample for "exogenous Testosterone, Androsterone, Etiocholanolone and 5b-androstane-3a,17b-diol" and is facing a four-year ban from the sport. This does not look like a list of stuff used to treat a headache. Whilst the B-sample is yet to come back it is understood that young Xerri had more juice in him than a Nutribullet canister of an ex 90’s East-German female weightlifter.

This has been referred to in the same light as the 1988 Ben Johnson 100 metres Olympic Sprint debacle against Carl Lewis .

Many have said that young Xerri is like grease lightning on the field and the next great thing . Well he would be wouldn't he if the tests turn out to be positive ?

Who does he play for ? None other than the Sharks , who else .

At this stage, the Sea Eagle is not prepared to comment on the guilt or otherwise of young Xerri and will leave this up to the experts at ASADA, but suffice it to say this incident is pure Shark. The team from the Shire is well known for pushing the boundaries and who could forget the peptide scandal that engulfed the Sharks in 2013 which resulted in multiple player suspensions and the suspension/sacking of then coach Shane Flanagan.

Rumours the Sharks are starting their own reality TV show, My Peptide Rules (MPR) are well wide of the mark. The Sea Eagle rejects any such suggestions.

The Sharks are a disgrace, and the fact that they then went on to win a premiership in 2016 is an indictment on the integrity of the NRL. Surely in light of this current scandal the NRL has no option but to revisit the legitimacy of their (only) premiership and strip them of it as they did with those other filthy cheaters, the Storm.

Project Apollo

When the NRL announced the project to restart the season was to be named Project Apollo , the Sea Eagle was more than apprehensive . Sure Apollo 11 was a rip roaring success . But many a Saturn Rocket had imploded prior to that successful mission . And let's not forget Apollo 13 which never made it to the moon. In that light, the choice of the name Project Apollo was a very brave decision indeed .

Well done to the NRL in getting the game back on against all odds, and a special congratulation to Peter V’Landys the NRL Chairman who drove from the front, steamrolling anyone who dared to oppose.

Sports Administrator Casualties Of The President Trump China Virus

Two stand outs here. NRL CEO Todd Greenberg and Rugby Australia CEO Raelene Castle.

NRL CEO Todd Greenberg was forced to fall on his sword . Again the precise details are not clear but it would seem that the NRL head office had multi layers of management personnel not doing very much other than getting in the way . When the pandemic hit, the coffers were bare and the game found it had nothing in reserve with which to us so as to fight on.

He had to go. The fact he and the Chairman Peter V’Landys did not see eye to eye did not help either.

Rugby Australia CEO Raelene Castle had a slightly different problem. She found herself running a game in Australia (ie rugby union ) that nobody watches and fewer and fewer are playing. Not only were the financial cupboards bare , she had in the Sea Eagle’s opinion , completely mishandled the Israel Folau debacle, and simply ended up paying millions of dollars to their best player who did not get on the field, largely because of ideological differences.

That was a problem of judgment and most likely a failure to confront Qantas. Everyone knows where the flight stewards sit on gay rights, so when Izzy went feral, she needed a better strategy than backing an airline that is pro-gay, against a player with a strong legal position, and particularly when the core Rugby fan base couldn’t care less what Izzy said or did off the field.

But the real problem, again in the Sea Eagles opinion, was that she was a Kiwi who's original background was running netball NZ. How she somehow found herself running Rugby Australia is anyone’s guess. It looks like some pony tailed HR person thought a me-too ! experimental appointment would be a good politically correct look. She did her best, but it was always going to end in tears.

If Rugby Australia learn anything from this, it is that key appointments need to be based on merit and suitability. The other lesson is that Kiwis in head management or coaching positions in Australian sport usually do not work very well. How will Dave Rennie go as the Wallabies coach? He better not start off by making the players repeat him saying “sixty six fishes”.

But what do former NRL CEO Todd Greenberg and Rugby Australia CEO Raelene Castle have in common ? Well it's the fact that they both ran the Canterbury Bulldogs and had Manly legend Des Hasler as the Club coach. In a classic example of good decision making, Des left the Dogs, got a payout and is now back at his spiritual home at Manly, while these two (Todd Greenberg and Raelene Castle) are joining the ques at Centerlink. If recent form is any guide, they may well now be considered unemployable in any area of sports administration.

The best that can be said about these two leaving their respective roles, is that in some small way, to use the words of John Cadogen of Auto Expert.com, they respectively made the NRL and Rugby Australia slightly “less shi&t”.

Cardboard Cut-Out Crowds

https://www.smh.com.au/sport/nrl/the-22-cardboard-cut-out-that-will-buy-fans-a-seat-at-nrl-games-20200527-p54x0g.html

It has come to the Sea Eagles attention that in this era of no crowds at NRL games some genius has come up the idea of fans purchasing Cardboard Cut-Outs, presumably of themselves, which will then be displayed in the grandstand during games.

Refer to the link below, the Sea Eagle now implores all recipients of the report to take up the challenge to download your favourite shot and for the small price of $22 have photographic representation at the NRL game of your choice. For what its worth the Sea Eagle is looking forward to seeing Ron “the Hedgehog” Jeremy at the next Manly game.

https://www.thefaninthestand.com.au/how-it-works

Let’s face it the possibilities are endless and who wouldn’t want to see Adolf Hitler, Stalin, Izzy Falou or even the great man Pres. Trump at an upcoming game!!

Or, we could have the bad boys hill, with cut outs of Todd Carney, Julian O’Neill John Hoppa etc. strategically placed.

THE SEA EAGLE

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tak4hir0 · 4 years

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This is the the last of three posts on the course I regularly teach, CS 330, Organization of Programming Languages. The first two posts covered programming language styles and mathematical concepts. This post covers the last 1/4 of the course, which focuses on software security, and related to that, the programming language Rust. This course topic might strike you as odd: Why teach security in a programming languages course? Doesn’t it belong in, well, a security course? I believe that if we are to solve our security problems, then we must build software with security in mind right from the start. To do that, all programmers need to know something about security, not just a handful of specialists. Security vulnerabilities are both enabled and prevented by various language (mis)features, and programming (anti)patterns. As such, it makes sense to introduce these concepts in a programming (languages) course, especially one that all students must take. This post is broken into three parts: the need for security-minded programming, how we cover this topic in 330, and our presentation of Rust. The post came to be a bit longer than I’d anticipated; apologies! Security is a programming (languages) concern The Status Quo: Too Much Post-hoc Security There is a lot of interest these days in securing computer systems. This interest follows from the highly publicized roll call of serious data breaches, denial of service attacks, and system hijacks. In response, security companies are proliferating, selling computerized forms of spies, firewalls, and guard towers. There is also a regular call for more “cybersecurity professionals” to help man the digital walls. It might be that these efforts are worth their collective cost, but call me skeptical. I believe that a disproportionate portion of our efforts focuses on adding security to a system after it has been built. Is your server vulnerable to attack? If so, no problem: Prop an intrusion detection system in front of it to identify and neuter network packets attempting to exploit the vulnerability. There’s no doubt that such an approach is appealing; too bad it doesn’t actually work. As computer security experts have been saying since at least the 60s, if you want a system to actually be secure then it must be designed and built with security in mind. Waiting until the system is deployed is too late. Building Security In There is a mounting body of work that supports building secure systems from the outset. For example, the Building Security In Maturity Model (BSIMM) catalogues the processes followed by a growing list of companies to build more secure systems. Companies such as Synopsys and Veracode offer code analysis products that look for security flaws. Processes such as Microsoft’s Security Development Lifecycle and books such as Gary McGraw‘s Software Security: Building Security In, and Sami Saydjari‘s recently released Engineering Trustworthy Systems identify a path toward better designed and built systems. These are good efforts. Nevertheless, we need even more emphasis on the “build security in” mentality so we can rely far less on necessary, but imperfect, post-hoc stuff. For this shift to happen, we need better education. Security in a Programming Class Choosing performance over security Programming courses typically focus on how to use particular languages to solve problems efficiently. Functionality is obviously paramount, with performance an important secondary concern. But in today’s climate shouldn’t security be at the same level of importance as performance? If you argue that security is not important for every application, I would say the same is true of performance. Indeed the rise of slow, easy-to-use scripting languages is a testament to that. But sometimes performance is very important, or becomes so later, and the same is true of security. Indeed, many security bugs arise because code originally written for a benign setting ends up in a security-sensitive one. As such, I believe educators should regularly talk about how to make code more secure just as we regularly talk about how to make it more efficient. To do this requires a change in mindset. A reasonable approach, when focusing on correctness and efficiency, is to aim for code that works under expected conditions. But expected use is not good enough for security: Code must be secure under all operating conditions. Normal users are not going to input weirdly formatted files to to PDF viewers. But adversaries will. As such, students need to understand how a bug in a program can be turned into a security vulnerability, and how to stop it from happening. Our two lectures in CS 330 on security shift between illustrating a kind of security vulnerability, identifying the conditions that make that vulnerability possible, and developing a defense that eliminates those conditions. For the latter we focus on language properties (e.g., type safety) and programming patterns (e.g., validating input). Security Bugs In our first lecture, we start by introducing the high-level idea of a buffer overflow vulnerability, in which an input is larger than the buffer designed to hold it. We hint at how to exploit it by smashing the stack. A key feature of this attack is that while the program intends for an input to be treated as data, the attacker is able to trick the program to treat it as code which does something harmful. We also look at command injection, and see how it similarly manifests when an attacker tricks the program to treat data as code. SQL injection: malicious code from benign parts Our second lecture covers vulnerabilities and attacks specific to web applications, including SQL injection, Cross-site Request Forgery (CSRF), and Cross-site scripting (XSS). Once again, these vulnerabilities all have the attribute that untrusted data provided by an attacker can be cleverly crafted to trick a vulnerable application to treat that data as code. This code can be used to hijack the program, steal secrets, or corrupt important information. Coding Defenses It turns out the defense against many of these vulnerabilities is the same, at a high level: validate any untrusted input before using it, to make sure it’s benign. We should make sure an input is not larger than the buffer allocated to hold it, so the buffer is not overrun. In any language other than C or C++, this check happens automatically (and is generally needed to ensure type safety). For the other four attacks, the vulnerable application uses the attacker input when piecing together another program. For example, an application might expect user inputs to correspond to a username and password, splicing these inputs into a template SQL program with which it queries a database. But the inputs could contain SQL commands that cause the query to do something different than intended. The same is true when constructing shell commands (command injection), or Javascript and HTML programs (cross-site scripting). The defense is also the same, at a high level: user inputs need to either have potentially dangerous content removed or made inert by construction (e.g., through the use of prepared statements). None of this stuff is new, of course. Most security courses talk about these topics. What is unusual is that we are talking about them in a “normal” programming languages course. Our security project reflects the defensive-minded orientation of the material. While security courses tend to focus on vulnerability exploitation, CS 330 focuses on fixing the bugs that make an application vulnerable. We do this by giving the students a web application, written in Ruby, with several vulnerabilities in it. Students must fix the vulnerabilities without breaking the core functionality. We test the fixes automatically by having our auto-grading system test functionality and exploitability. Several hidden tests exploit the initially present vulnerabilities. The students must modify the application so these cases pass (meaning the vulnerability has been removed and/or can no longer be exploited) without causing any of the functionality-based test cases to fail. Low-level Control, Safely The most dangerous kind of vulnerability allows an attacker to gain arbitrary code execution (ACE): Through exploitation, the attacker is able to execute code of their choice on the target system. Memory management errors in type-unsafe languages (C and C++) comprise a large class of ACE vulnerabilities. Use-after-free errors, double-frees, and buffer overflows are all examples. The latter is still the single largest category of vulnerability today, according to MITRE’s Common Weakness Enumeration (CWE) database. Programs written in type-safe languages, such as Java or Ruby, 1 are immune to these sorts of memory errors. Writing applications in these languages would thus eliminate a large category of vulnerabilities straightaway. 2 The problem is that type-safe languages’ use of abstract data representations and garbage collection (GC), which make programming easier, remove low-level control and add overhead that is sometimes hard to bear. C and C++ are essentially the only game in town 3 for operating systems, device drivers, and embedded devices (e.g., IoT), which cannot tolerate the overhead and/or lack of control. And we see that these systems are regularly and increasingly under attack. What are we to do? Rust: Type safety without GC In 2010, the Mozilla corporation (which brings you Firefox) officially began an ambitious project to develop a safe language suitable for writing high-performance programs. The result is Rust. 4 In Rust, type-safety ensures (with various caveats) that a program is free of memory errors and free of data races. In Rust, type safety is possible without garbage collection, which is not true of any other mainstream language. Rust, the programming language In CS 330, we introduce Rust and its basic constructs, showing how Rust is arguably closer to a functional programming language than it is to C/C++. (Rust’s use of curly braces and semi-colons might make it seem familiar to C/C++ programmers, but there’s a whole lot more that’s different than is the same!) We spend much of our time talking about Rust’s use of ownership and lifetimes. Ownership (aka linear typing) is used to carefully track pointer aliasing, so that memory modified via one alias cannot mistakenly corrupt an invariant assumed by another. Lifetimes track the scope in which pointed-to memory is live, so that it is freed automatically, but no sooner than is safe. These features support managing memory without GC. They also support sophisticated programming patterns via smart pointers and traits (a construct I was unfamiliar with, but now really like). We provide a simple programming project to familiarize students with the basic and advanced features of Rust. Assessment I enjoyed learning Rust in preparation for teaching it. I had been wanting to learn it since my interview with Aaron Turon some years back. The Rust documentation is first-rate, so that really helped. I also enjoyed seeing connections to my own prior research on the Cyclone programming language. (I recently reflected on Cyclone, and briefly connected it to Rust, in a talk at the ISSISP’18 summer school.) Rust’s ownership relates to Cyclone’s unique/affine pointers, and Rust’s lifetimes relate to Cyclone’s regions. Rust’s smart pointers match patterns we also implemented in Cyclone, e.g., for reference counted pointers. Rust has taken these ideas much further, e.g., a really cool integration with traits handles tricky aspects of polymorphism. The Rust compiler’s error messages are also really impressive! A big challenge in Cyclone was finding a way to program with unique pointers without tearing your hair out. My impression is that Rust programmers face the same challenge (as long as you don’t resort to frequent use of unsafe blocks). Nevertheless, Rust is a much-loved programming language, so the language designers are clearly doing something right! Oftentimes facility is a matter of comfort, and comfort is a matter of education and experience. As such, I think Rust fits into the philosophy of CS 330, which aims to introduce new language concepts that are interesting in and of themselves, and may yet have expanded future relevance. Conclusions We must build software with security in mind from the start. Educating all future programmers about security is an important step toward increasing the security mindset. In CS 330 we illustrate common vulnerability classes and how they can be defended against by the language (e.g., by using those languages, like Rust, that are type safe) and programming patterns (e.g., by validating untrusted input). By doing so, we are hopefully making our students more fully cognizant of the task that awaits them in their future software development jobs. We might also interest them to learn more about security in a subsequent security class. In writing this post, I realize we could do more to illustrate how type abstraction can help with security. For example, abstract types can be used to increase assurance that input data is properly validated, as explained by Google’s Christoph Kern in his 2017 SecDev Keynote. This fact is also a consequence of semantic type safety, as argued well by Derek Dreyer in his POPL’18 Keynote. Good stuff to do for Spring’19 !

#The Programming Languages Enthusiast

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fairycosmos · 7 years

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braiN????so i have bpd and i think i ended up like “stealing” an ed from someone who has it who i really care about but also ???is that even a thing like maybe it was always there but now that with this person i just feel like guilty??? Just??????like i just want to be there for them and help them but like im so confused what’s happening to me whyyyy am i like this????????????????????

okay, so i have very little experience with BPD and i apologize for if i say the wrong thing bc i’m by no means a mental health expert in any way. but speaking in a more general sense i think it’s important for you to stop analyzing why you have an ED or how you have an ED, because you’ll just keep getting trapped in this frustrating cycle of questions with no answers. try to move towards accepting the fact that this is how you feel and that you need help. and your friend having one might be a factor and it might not be, but none of that changes the fact that you need to see someone, you know? when it comes down to it, that’s the thing you need to focus on the most. even if you start by talking to a sibling or a parent or a teacher about it, that’s a really good way to begin to open up. i know it’s hard, and your brain is probably going to try every trick in the book to convince you not to talk to someone but i know you know how serious this is, how vital it is that you catch it before it escalates. ED’s can become fatal very very quickly, and once they get out of hand they’re very hard to come back from. look, feelings of guilt are often super prevalent when it comes to mental illness but the fact that you’re going through some shit doesn’t mean you’re being a bad friend and it doesn’t mean you can’t be there for this person, okay? you can. you’re still you, despite all of the stuff that’s going on. and anyway, it’s alright to be confused and scared and to not know what to do next. it’s all part of the process, so don’t be mad at yourself for being human and having emotions. don’t be mad at yourself for struggling. treating yourself like shit won’t change anything and it won’t make anything better. it serves no purpose.

idk if you’ve ever seen a professional for your mental illness, but whether you have or you haven’t i really think now is the time for you to book an appointment and to tell someone what’s really going on, if that’s an option. you should also urge your friend to do the same, because whether you like it or not that’s the main way forward. you have to treat this with the same seriousness that you’d treat a broken leg or a physical illness, bc your mental health is JUST as important. i’m not saying that seeing someone is going to instantly make everything better, that’s not how it works. but you’re clearly feeling extremely overwhelmed and anxious and depressed, and you really don’t need to go through it all alone. i understand that it feels like your mental illnesses are in control, but you can make the conscious decision to talk to somebody. you can. you have the strength it takes to do that even if you don’t realize it. there are literally people that are trained to help you through this - whether it’s through medication or consistent therapy or coping mechanisms/techniques. it doesn’t have to be as hard as it is right now, and you have the power to help yourself even though your mind is probably telling you the opposite. and yes, it’s scary to ask for help but is it more or less scary than letting this continue and so that it progressively gets worse and worse until it eventually kills you? i don’t mean to sound too blunt, but i’m hoping with all of my heart that you see the reality of the situation before it’s too late.

at the end of the day, you genuinely doesn’t deserve to live with such intense feelings of guilt and sadness and insecurity hanging over your head every day. there’s so much more to you than that, so much more to life in general than that. i think it’s going to get to a point where you’re sick of being sick (if it hasn’t got to that point already) so you’ll seek out help because you’ll realize that it’s the only decent option. i just hope you realize it soon, before you do serious damage to your health. i get that all of this is A LOT easier said than done, and it’s alright to take it at your own pace. it’s going to do it one step at a time. none of this is your fault, and i’m proud of you for getting from each day to the next because i know it’s really not easy. like i said before, i have very little experience with BPD so i’ll leave a few links that might be of more help. i really hope you and your friend find a way through this, and i hope you know that you have more options than you think you do. hmu if you ever need someone to talk to. i’m always here.

http://blog.timberlineknolls.com/2012-03-07/how-do-i-talk-to-my-parents-about-help-for-eating-disorder-cutting/

https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/recovery/self-help-tools-skills-tips/effective-coping-for-eating-disorders

https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/recovery/self-help-tools-skills-tips/self-soothing-advice

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/borderline_personality_disorde.html

#tw eating disorder #i feel like this is bad advice ajksdfjskk sorry i hope yr ok

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