#also bad art or mid art or whatever you want to call it

[ptolemia]

“Love itself is revolutionary and if you can’t see that then you should replay the game” oh yeah it’s pretty blatant and obvious I mean a fucking blind mole could see it. There’s a difference between playing it and understanding the message and then playing it through a shipping lense in order to make up shit that never happened so you could make mid fics + art while also ignoring the character’s actual traits.

Some people just like to frollick through media cuz the characters are hot and they need some masturbation material.

… yeah? Life is short I hope everybody who wants to frollick and jack off has the opportunity to do both as often as possible.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hello, it me :D

Idk how you want to structure this or how it's gonna sound when I try to type out what's in my brain rn, I do know that I want this to be a full hc tho

Ok. So. I've seen some art here & there of some of the M6 with their own children; mostly just babies but there are a couple older kids in the mix as well. This is where things in my head get weird so bear with me:

I'm thinking this ask could go three ways (I also don't know if Nadia & Portia will be able to fit in to this ask but it is what it is), and you can do just one of the options or all of them, I'll let you choose:

A. M6 reacting to MC telling them they're pregnant

B. M6 & MC mid-pregnancy preparing for the baby

Or C. M6 getting to hold their kid for the first time

Hopefully this makes sense I think it provides an opportunity for incredible wholesomeness whatever you decide :)

The Arcana HCs: M6 during MC's pregnancy

~ ohoho, now this, this is the kind of prompt that makes my heart sing! @themushroomgoesyeet I hope you're ready because I'm doing all three of those suggestions in here, just you wait >:3 - brainrot ~

Other baby-related hcs: M6 when someone hands them a baby

The M6 when the child they have with you is an exact carbon copy of them

-- for the purpose of these headcanons and because I write for a gender-neutral reader, MC is pregnant with a baby that is equal parts their and their LI's DNA. This could have happened the traditional way (depending on how you envision your MC or if you headcanon your LI as trans), or simply by magical means. For my fellow trans men, seahorse dads are still dads! And to my fellow AO3 readers, mpreg is possible. Always. O.O --

Julian

For the first time in his life, he was well and truly speechless

And delighted. In fact, his speechlessness was because of the unforeseen tidal wave of joy that crashed over him as soon as you told him and it knocked all the air out of his lungs

Pulling you into an embrace as soon as he can move again and trembling with excitement: "Really? You're going to have my baby? We're going to be parents? I'm going to be a father? Haha!"

If he was bad about hovering before he's terrible about it now

Detailed research on all potential issues (which leads to him having crippling spirals over all the ways this could go wrong)

Auntie Pasha and Great-Grandma Mazelinka are here for it and so overwhelmingly supportive. It's hard to resist Julian's regular suggestions of bed rest because they make it so feasible

Mazelinka's soup was heavenly for your morning sickness

Julian collected at least three different remedies for every single pregnancy symptom you had and filled multiple notebooks with doctor's observations. Even down to tracking your sleep cycle

He also called in several favors to make sure that at least two other doctors would be available leading up to your due date - one for you and one for the baby. (he still insisted on being the main one)

He managed the birth impressively well - years of medical expertise kicked in and he went full "doctor" mode, keeping a cool head and open communication and anticipating every need

Until he held his child for the first time and had to sit down because his knees gave out. He has a whole new reason to live well

Asra

You know that panicked blushy face they make? Yeah, that was it

You briefly mistook it for horror - you know he likes surprises, but this is something else - but it was really his own panic at suddenly being plunged into a whole new world of emotion and instincts

Their first motion was to reach out and place their hand over your heart to confirm it through your bond, if only because they couldn't get their words to work and they needed that grounding touch

Once he's collected himself, he's over the moon. Is it terrifying? Sure, but it's also going to be the adventure of a lifetime, and it means building a new future and family with you! As parents!

They want to tell Aisha and Salim about it as soon as you're comfortable because they've done this before, they can help. And also because they’re going to be grandparents

Covers you with enchantments to keep you and the baby safe and happy and keeps a growing list of the most unhinged baby names to make you laugh. Faust likes to gently squeeze your bump

Makes every pregnancy craving you have and tries it with you, no matter how weird. He's got three years of practice being your caregiver and his patience for the mood swings is unending

Spends an hour every night with an ear against your baby bump, listening to them grow and thrive

Offers you every type of pain relief they can find. If not for your sake, then for theirs, because seeing you hurt makes them panic

Holds you the whole way through childbirth, no matter how messy, and stays so reassuring and supportive

Scared to hold the baby at first because he's so shaky from emotions. Won't put it down once he does

Nadia

The news is so unexpected that she just can't believe it at first

As in, her brain is genuinely incapable of immediately processing what you've just told her, so she just finishes her task before running it through her head a second time before it sinks in

The loudest gasp you've ever heard, you see her drop her teacup as her hands fly to cover her mouth and she stares at you in surprise

So happy. So, so, so very happy

She was never going to pressure you into having children. Between her driven nature and her ongoing loneliness, she'd resigned herself to never being a mother after marrying Lucio

But oh my! What a wonderful surprise! There's so much to do, she's slightly worried that nine months isn't going to be enough time

She sends for multiple physicians and invites several of them to live in the Palace through the pregnancy, and begins the interview process for your baby's pediatrician as well. She wants you healthy

Has the time of her life decorating the baby's future room and ends up getting so emotional looking at all the tiny clothes and shoes

Refuses to let you sleep by yourself. She doesn't want you to feel limited on a day-to-day basis at all, but she doesn't like you being alone for too long, especially during such quiet and precious hours

Prefers to hold off on giving her family any news or updates until she's had at least a few days to let it sink it. Each update she does send provokes a tidal wave of letters and advice and offers, not to mention Grandpa Namar's tear-stained letters of excitement

Has to hide sobs when she holds her child and announces its name

Muriel

Straight up disassociates. Not due to any fault of yours, it's just a lot. Especially given his own context for parenting (or lack thereof)

"Muriel, I'm pregnant." soul gets yoinked through the stratosphere

You know him well enough to expect him to need a moment, so you're not surprised when he shakily nods, takes a deep breath, and tells you he'll be back before dark before walking off into the trees

Deeply apologetic once he gets back because in hindsight ghosting you might not have been the most appropriate response

He's happy, if not deeply anxious, but he gets more and more excited with every pregnancy update

He makes the baby's crib himself, seeking out the tree with the best wood, chopping it up, designing and cutting the pieces, carving and sanding and painting them with the utmost care

As your due date gets closer he starts reverting to an old habit of his, waking up several times through the night with a need to keep watch for any dangers or discomforts and make sure you're warm

You wake up to this sometimes, with him sitting quietly next to you in bed, one large hand resting protectively on your belly, a quiet smile on his face as he stares at the cradle on the other side of the room and counts every tiny kick the baby lands on his warm palm

He doesn't hesitate to tell Asra, Nadia, (and yes, Julian) about your pregnancy, because he knows they'll be able to help you in ways he can't. Watching you in pain during birth is almost traumatic for him

Doesn't say a word when you hand him his baby, just looks back and forth between you and them in delight and awestruck joy

Portia

Screams. Legitimate, jaw dropped, lung-deep screaming

Yes it's because she's excited!!! You're pregnant! That's amazing!!

Funnily enough, she doesn't bring up telling anybody else until several weeks have gone by or until you suggest it. She's used to keeping secrets and this is so special she's still finding words for it

She's also more familiar with what pregnancy can look like, and she doesn't want to make any big announcements with you too early

Borderline obsessive about making sure that you're properly fed and cared for. She keeps every snack stocked, gives you massages every night, asks you about any symptoms and offers relief

She ends up inviting everyone over for dinner so you two can break the news to them together, and if one Devorak wasn't loud and emotional enough, two of them are almost too much for the roof

Mazelinka is quick to offer her services, whether that be bringing soup, taking you two (three?!) to Nevivon so the grandmas can help, grabbing one of the grandmas and bringing them here, etc

Pepi develops a new habit of bringing you stolen fish at least once a day to make sure your growing kitten is properly nourished. the smell doesn't help your morning sickness but you appreciate it

Portia cries every time she sits down to work on another onesie or baby blanket or cloth diaper, which is several times a day

When it's time for you to give birth, she holds your hands as tightly as you hold hers and nearly knocks a doctor out of the way to catch the baby

Full-on happy sobbing when she holds them. Gets jealous anytime someone besides you gets to hold them longer than her

Lucio

Assumes you're joking until you tell him otherwise because what

It's not that he's against it, but realistically speaking he knows that one of him is already a lot to handle. And you're cooking another??

Once you convince him, his exuberant yells startle flocks of birds from the treetops in a half-mile radius. Speaking of trees ...

You two are journeymen. Where are you going to settle down?

You end up picking a spot close enough to Vesuvia for your old friends to be able to help, in a town where you know you'll have a fresh start. Buying a cottage is hard when you're used to a palace

Lucio occasionally remembers his mother's comments about how her pregnancy with him made the Red Plague seem like a summer cold, and then he panics about how much pain you must be in

Sits bolt-upright in bed four months in to your pregnancy in a cold sweat because it just hit him that your belly bump is actually an entire tiny human that's half him and half you and it's miraculous

Starts talking to your bump almost constantly after that

Everything from what the dogs are doing, to the right way to start a fire, to the best types of cookies - he's telling it all to the bump

Does he know, logically, that your baby isn't likely to be born missing an arm because of his amputation? Yes. Does he still have an irrational fear of that happening? Also yes.

Has such a hard time controlling his frustration during the birth when you're in pain and there's nothing he can do about it

Wraps his golden arm in a baby blanket and doesn't care about the mess the first time he holds them and presses a kiss to their head

[fleetinginfinities]

first ever of these but … the bachelors and my random headcanons/quotes/song lyrics/slices of whatever that fit them 🫶 apologies it doesn’t include everyone, these guys are my favorites and I’m having trouble channeling the others lmao

Sam

- drums his fingers/knuckles on tables, his legs, any surface when he’s anxious or impatient or excited or anticipating something. which, he’s always feeling at least one of the above…so

- his fingers. that’s all

- plays footsie under the table but not in a weird way, in more of a “I literally need to be touching you at all times to ground myself to this present moment and be happy” way

- loves full body contact — huuuge tight hugs, rolling on top of you in bed, pulling you into his chest from behind

- mumbles in his sleep and tosses and turns, constantly reaching for you and pulling you close

- blushes a lot. his cheeks turn the most beautiful peachy color

- talks at the speed of light as his default setting

- speeds when he drives, speeds when he walks, just Does Everything Quickly and with much energy

- is somehow both a morning person and a night owl most of the time

- but when he’s lazy or tired, there’s never been anyone lazier or sleepier

- always answers phone calls on speaker mode

- is unaware of his strength when showing affection sometimes, like an oversized dog

- prominent arm veins. enough said.

- makes you feel so alive. present. his energy is contagious

- there’s not a soul he can’t make friends with

- would absolutely love early/mid 2000s pop punk

- blindingly sunny smile

- beautiful, soft golden hair that he wears messy and literally sticks out every direction but in the hottest way ever

- he’s like the summer solstice. an everlasting day that’s sweet and warm and full of life but also peace. Sam, in all of his chaos, is your peace

- “i’m so in love that I might stop breathing”

- doesn’t ever hold a grudge

- smells like lavender and lemon. no I won’t be taking any feedback with this one

- big fan of flowers

- like, it’s not uncommon for him to show up with a hand-picked bouquet for you he collected on the way over

- could’ve worked in a bakery instead of joja mart and would’ve been much happier. sweet cinnamon roll boy

- is actually the heartthrob of the town

- as sweet and pure as he is, he also has a rebellious side and is often trying to sneak you in his room and toe the line of authority whenever he can

- is quite adventurous and doesn’t really have an ego if he’s bad at things or much fear in general. the results are constant entertainment and occasional catastrophes.

Elliott

- “I dream about you every night now. It’s really quite beautiful”

- is actually strong and built and muscular (totally looks like a red headed Thor in my brain)

- but touches and holds you so gently that it makes you want to cry

- extremely strong jawline

- gives that aloof kind of mysteriousness and quiet confidence that is magnetizing to literally everyone

- doesn’t have a toxically masculine bone in his body

- will talk to you for hours about philosophy, literature, films, art, the meaning of life, etc etc etc

- traces his fingers on your bare skin, lost in thought

- has the most mesmerizing, starry eyes

- being around him makes you feel like you’re living in a dream. everything feels ethereal and hazy

- if Sam is the summer solstice, Elliott is like the peak of autumn, when all of the leaves are at their most colorful and bright just before they fall, and you feel like he’s both the beginning and the ending of something all at once

- as a matter of fact: “is this the end of all the endings?”

- “you showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else. you taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else”

- loving him is the most intense, passionate experience of your life

- he would a b s o l u t e l y be the one that got away if you split up

- big fan of candles and crackling log fireplaces

- really enjoys a good row in his boat in the cool, dewy mornings and his back muscles show it

- his emotional intelligence is unmatched. you’ll never meet a more well-adjusted man

- romanticizes life in only the way a writer can

- isn’t just all depth and somber. also isn’t all pizazz and flamboyance. actually has a great sense of humor as a secret third thing

Sebastian

- despite how much he closes himself off at first, you feel an instant connection with him. you just understand him innately. and you feel like he gets you, too

- downplays how smart he really is

- genuinely loves to let everyone else shine. loves that Sam commands all the attention in the room. loves watching others praise you.

- is never competitive with anyone else and absolutely loves when the people around him win. the most supportive person ever

- really has a soft spot for animals

- incredibly intuitive. can read your mind like a book and anticipate your needs

- if he loves you, there is not another person on earth that would ever catch his attention or temptation. 1000% the most loyal boy

- “he looks up grinning like a devil”

- motorcycle rides in the city late at night when it’s raining

- sometimes doing something reckless is the only way that makes him feel alive

- in other words, he’s a closet adrenaline junkie

- can absolutely rival Elliott in terms of being the most romantic with his words sometimes — though it’s few and far between, he will never stop telling you that you’re the first person that he ever did, well, basically *anything* with and how special you are to him and how you’re his one and only

Alex

- it takes a special person to command his attention, he has always had fleeting attractions but he has never felt for anyone what he feels for you

- is absolutely a great person to go to with any problem. he has a clear and straightforward answer or solution

- is the number one person you want to be around if you just want someone genuinely uplifting to spend time with

- *always* notices physical changes and gives fantastic compliments

- is absolutely the dude who keeps his friend group together well into adulthood and middle age and beyond. he’s the one planning beach days, weekend recreational sports and activities, cooking out or tailgating on game days, inviting you for a bite to eat at the saloon if he hasn’t seen you in awhile, etc.

- genuinely loves a good romance or romcom as much as he loves the newest action movie

- fantastic with kids

- is very committed to you from the start

- will go to great lengths to maintain a happy and healthy and successful relationship. it’s the athlete determination in him

- has quite good taste in aesthetics. definitely has an opinion about fashion, home decor, etc

- has perfect teeth and a beautiful complexion in my mind

[nadinebrooks]

Here is the link to my masterlist

Severus Snape x Reader: The New Potions Master

Warnings: None that I can think of. This is set driving the Half Blood Prince (6th Year) so for the sake of this, just pretend that Professor Slughorn isn't the Potions Professor. 

"Hmph. You're not exactly what I was expecting." The old Potions master stood in the doorway of the new Potion professor's office. He casually leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed and this sort of amused look on his face. She was not what he was expecting at all. He didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

"Pardon me?" The young women looked away from whatever had been occupying her attention. She adjusted her glasses so that she could see the dark haired professor standing in her doorway a little better.  

The new professor was even more beautiful than Snape imagined. The photos he had seen of her didn't do any justice to looking at her in real life.

She had written the newest edition of Potion textbooks that Hogwarts was using this year. She had also written a couple other books about her studies as well that he found rather interesting. Her picture could be found on the back in the bottom right corner of every book she had written.

"I'm very well qualified for this position if that's what you're proposing professor."  

"No, my sincerest apologies. I'm not questioning your qualification at all." Snape raised an eyebrow at the very young professor. She looked to be in her mid to late 20s. Now she was taking his position as the potions professor while he moved over to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. "I've read many of your articles and books Miss. (l/n) and I am very impressed by your work. The only person I know that could perfectly replicate some of those complicated potions are myself."  

"Thank you Professor. It's Snape, right?" (y/n) got up from her spot at her desk and walked over to him. She had heard a lot about him before coming to work at Hogwarts.

"That is correct. It's Snape. Severus Snape." He held out a hand to shake hers.  

"It is a pleasure to meet you Professor Snape. It's about time that I put a face with a name. I've already heard so much about you."  

"Oh." He raised an eyebrow. "Who have you been talking to about me?"  

"The students." She admitted not being able to meet his eyes. (y/n) looked down at her shoes not wanting to see the look on his face.  

The last thing she wanted was to see his face when he came to the understanding that she associated with the students more than the other professors.  

She already knew that he thought she was too young for the job. A lot of people thought she was far too young for the job.

Truthfully, she felt like it was a lot more easier to relate to the the students since she had only graduated a couple of years ago.  They found it easy to relate to each other.

"Please look at me when you're speaking." Snape used his finger and place it under (y/n)'s chin forcing her to look him in his eyes. "Only the children refuse to look me in the eyes when I'm talking to them. I don't plan on treating you like one of them. You are my equal Miss (l/n). Though you do look as if you could fit right in with the children. "If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?" 

"Please call me (y/n)." She waved her hand letting him know it was okay for him to call her by her first name. She still found it a challenge to get the students to call her Professor (l/n). It felt way too professional. "And I'm (any age you would like to use)."  

"Why you're merely a child." Snape couldn't himself. It accidentally slip out and he instantly regretted it. He could see the look of hurt flash across her face and then it was gone.

She refused to let him see her hurt. She pushed back her shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.  

"I am not a child Professor Snape." She hissed. Her voice was not sweet and inviting like it had been earlier. "I am highly qualified for this job. I know for a fact that I am more qualified than you were when you started this position. I mastered the arts of Potions when I was just 14 years old. I've been brewing potions since I could read. I've had pretty much every potion memorized since I was 11. I learned how to brew Wolfsbane when I was 9 for a couple of my parent's friends. I can make Veritaserum so powerful you won't be able to lie for months. I can make a vial of Felix Felisis so that you would never run out of luck. I refuse to let anyone talk down on me just because I'm young. I graduated with the highest marks in Potions that anyone at Beauxbatons has ever received. So I will see you tomorrow at breakfast. Good night." She quickly walked around him to her sleeping chambers leaving all her belongings behind.

Over the next couple of weeks, (y/n) did her very best to avoid Professor Snape. She made sure to get to meals early to make sure she didn't have to sit beside him. She even changed her route when walking to her classroom to ensure that she wouldn't bump into him in the hallways.  

The students had grown to love Professor (l/n). She was very hands on in the classroom and rarely took points away from the student.  

They were all extremely respectful to her, which she was worried about at first, but since she was only a couple of years older than them, they found her rather easy to talk to.  

Snape couldn't help but overhear how amazing of a professor she was from students in the hallway. He was starting to feel ashamed for the way he had talked to her those weeks ago.  

"Professor (l/n)?" (y/n) looked up from the potion she was currently brewing and smiled when she saw Hermione standing at the door. Hermione had become a personal favorite of hers. She reminded her so much of herself when she was younger. Always eager to please and happy to learn.

"Please come in Miss Granger. "She grinned sitting down the clippings of unicorn hoofs and wiped her hands off on a spare towel. "What can I help you with?" She walked over to her desk and then gestured for Hermione to sit down in front of her.  

"I was wondering if you could talk to me about Amortentia." Hermione looked down fiddling with her hands clearly embarrassed about the whole situation. "I've read all of your books and I think it's absolutely brilliant all the things you've managed to accomplish at such a young age. It's a potion that I've been wondering about for a couple of years, but Professor Snape is not the easiest person to talk to."  

"Well you're happen to be in luck. Amortentia happens to be one of my specialties." 

"Are there any potions that aren't your specialty?" Hermione questioned looking at her with wide eyes.  

"Well as long as we can keep this between us, I'm not very good at Polyjuice Potions." (y/n) shrugged. "I still struggle with them to this day."  

"I've made a Polyjuice Potion before." Hermione admitted not sure if it would get her in trouble or not. She honestly didn't think that Professor would say anything about it. "During my second year."  

"Wow." (y/n) said clearly impressed. "And how did that go?" 

"It went well for Ron and Harry, but I accidentally turned myself into a cat."  

"A cat? I didn't know it worked with animals. I've always been too scared to try."  

"I would not recommend it." Hermine giggled thinking back 4 years ago. To this day she still couldn't believe that they didn't get caught for the amount of rules they had broken for that.  

"But you didn't come in here to talk about a Polyjuice Potion. You wanted to talk about Amortenia." (y/n) got up from her desk and walked over to a cupboard. She returned with a tiny vial holding a liquid with a pinkish tint. She uncorked it and held it for Hermione to smell. "What does it smell like to you?"  

"Parchment paper...freshly mown grass...and Ron's hair." She wouldn't have been able to admit the smell of Ron's hair to anyone, but she found that talking to Professor (l/n) was very easy.  

"Ah," she sat back down at her desk sighing, "Mr. Weasley. Amortenia is the most powerful love potion in the world. It causes a powerful obsession or infatuation with the person who brews it. Nobody has been able to create a potion strong enough that can last forever. But it smells different to everyone."  

"So that won't make him love me?" Hermione questioned her eyes fixated on the bottle in front of her.  

"No Miss. Granger. I'm afraid not. But I wouldn't give up on him just yet. Boys can be so stupid."  

"Yeah." Hermione nodded standing up. "They really can be. Thank you for talking to me. Good night."  

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night." (y/n) said giving the younger prodigy a small smile as she scampered out of her room.  

"Boys really can be stupid." There came a low voice from the door. (y/n) looked up to see Professor Snape standing there with an ashamed look on his face.  

"Hello Professor Snape." (y/n) coldly said still upset with the comment he made at the beginning of the term.  

"You've been avoiding me." He said slowly walking into the room. "Why is that?" 

"You hurt my feelings." (y/n) admitted. "I know that I'm young, but that doesn't mean I can't do my job well." 

"You're right and I apologize. I've heard the students and other professors talking and it's evident that you are very good at what you do. I made a mistake for what I said to you earlier and I'm here to say I'm sorry (y/n). And I mean it." 

"It's okay Professor Snape." (y/n) was grinning. Her whole face light up the classroom. It had been a while since Snape had seen such beauty. He knew that there was no way that she would be interested in him. A girl that beautiful had to have lots of suitors.  

"Please call me Severus. I would like to think that we're on first name bases now." He chuckled. They talked for an hour or so not realizing how late it had become. "(y/n)?" He had finally built up the courage to ask him something that had been bothering him the second he laid eyes on her. 

"Hmm?" She replied as she was picking up her things letting him that she was listening. 

"Are you married?" He asked. That caused her to drop her books and look up at him shocked. That was one of the last things she expected to come from his mouth. "You don't wear a wedding band, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the potions and you didn't want to mess it up. I apologize if that question was too personal."

"It's not too personal at all Severus. Like you said, we're on the way to becoming friends. But no, I am not." She shook her head regaining her composure. "I went to an all girl's school for most of my life so I didn't have a lot of experience with the opposite sex. But I did have a boyfriend for about 4 years or so. We broke up though."  

"May I ask what happened?" Snape questioned.  

"He didn't like the idea that I was smarter than him." She shrugged.  

"Well he was stupid to let you go." Snape said before quickly leaving (y/n) in the room alone with her thoughts.  

Over the next couple of months, Snape and (y/n) had become very close. In between classes they could be found chatting in the hallways.  

Neither the professors nor students had seen the old Potions Master behave this way. They had even started placing bets on if the Professors would end up dating.  

Whenever a class would bring up the idea (y/n) would quickly change the top letting the students know that her love life was not up for discussion. And they knew better than to bring up the subject around Professor Snape.  

(y/n) was working on yet another article when there came a knock at the door.  

"Come in." She called out expecting to see another professor, but it was Hermione.  

"Hello dear." She smiled softly. "What can I help you with?"  

"I've done something terribly stupid."  

"It can't be that stupid." (y/n) chucked as Hermione sat down in the chair across from her desk.  

"I made a love potion." 

"You know those are banned Miss. Granger." (y/n) raised her eyebrows in surprise. She wasn't going to tell on Hermione or anything. She was still a child and sometimes children do silly things. Especially when it's for someone that they love. 

"I know." There were now tears welling up in her warm brown eyes. "I didn't know what else to do so I came here." She held out her hand holding the little vial. "Please take it before I do something rash." (y/n) took it from Hermione and placed it on her desk. "Can I ask you something?" Hermione questioned.  

"Sure." 

"What does it smell like to you?"  

"(favorite fruit), (another favorite smell), and my ex's cologne."  

"Thank you." Hermione quickly gathered herself and scampered out the room. (y/n) didn't want to lie to the poor girl but she couldn't admit to her that it smelled like Snape. Speaking of, here he was for their nightly conversations.  

"I think I'm going to have to take a rain check." (y/n) got up rubbing her temples. "I have a terrible headache." 

"Would you like me to brew you something?" Snape asked clearly concerned. "It would only take a couple of moments."  

"No." She shook her head. "Thank you Severus, but I think I'm just going to sleep this one off."  

"Amortenia." He grumbled holding up the vial on her desk. "Who was this for?" 

"No one." She shook her head. "Miss. Granger made it for Mr. Weasley, but she brought it to me before she could use it."  

"Granger and Weasley? That's a very unlikely couple." 

"I think it's cute." (y/n) sighed. "I've always believed that opposites attract." 

"Like us?" 

"Yes. Like us." She wasn't really sure where this conversation was going now. She watched as Snape uncorked the vial and took a whiff. She was curious now. "What does it smell like to you?" 

"A perfectly brewed Draught of Living Dead...my grandmother's kitchen...and you." He finally said looking up her. Snape wasn't planning on saying that but it just happened to slip out. There was no taking it back now. It was all out in the open. 

"So what does that mean?" (y/n) stammered clearly flustered. This is not how she imagined the night going.  

"Are you that daft (y/n)?" Snape chucked. "I fancy you." 

[xirayn]

A continuation of the merEddie AU based on the amazing art done by @maikaartwork. The ficlet for the kiss they drew is coming, Steve just needs to get some help first.

This is the first year Dustin is old enough to be a summer intern at Hawkins Aquarium and Institute of Marine Research. He spends his days educating guests on the animals and conservation efforts with weekly professional development and environmental advocacy courses. The position is also paid, which is nice, and he gets the aquarium practically to himself as he waits for Steve to finish up and give him a ride home.

He's watching the eastern rat snake climb her fake branch in search of a resting spot when Steve finds him an hour before he is usually done.

"I need to get into the restricted area of the aquarium," Steve states much to Dustin's surprise.

"Why?"

"The voice in my head needs help."

Dustin's eyes narrow. "Have you been talking to the lampreys again?"

"Yes, but they have nothing to do with this," Steve responds with an annoyed huff. Dustin is unconvinced.

"I think they might," he states plainly. "When was the last time you went on a date or talked with, I don't know, an actual human rather than a bunch of fish?"

"I talk to Robin all the time."

"Yet you won't date her."

"Boys and girls can be friends without -" Steve cuts himself off mid sentence. He sets his hands sternly on his hips. "You know what, this is getting us off-topic. Restricted area. Voice in my head. Plan. Go."

Dustin rolls his eyes. "That voice is called conscious thought, Steve."

"Ha ha. No. This was... something else. There is something - someone - who is hurt and alone, and I need to get them out."

"So we aren't just getting into the restricted area," Dustin observes, "we are getting whatever creature you think is calling you out?"

Steve hesitates for only a moment. That does sound pretty outlandish, but the call for help is still echoing in his mind. "Essentially. Yeah."

Dustin tilts his head in consideration. "How big is it?"

"What?"

"The creature," Dustin clarifies, "how big is it?"

"I don't know."

"Is it a siren trying to lure you onto the rocks or eat you?" An obvious question to Dustin, but a new one to Steve based on his look of surprise.

"A what? No. It doesn't want to eat me."

Sirens don't exist, for one. Except they might since there is something psychically communicating with Steve and they've run into things that supposedly didn't exist before.

"How do you know?" Dustin asks because if sirens do exist, it is a perfectly valid question.

"Because I felt it!" Steve throws his hands up. The snakes and other reptiles in the exhibits around them are as indifferent to the gesture as Dustin is. "It just needs help."

"Angler fish lure their prey in with a light on their-"

"I'm not prey!" Steve insists.

"Prey doesn't always know it's prey," Dustin counters.

"Then I get eaten, I guess, but I can't just ignore this. What they shared with me…" The mounting irritation drains from Steve's shoulder. Sorrow replaces it as he remembers the pain of captivity he was shown and the longing for home. "They just want to be free."

Dustin folds his arms across his chest. "That could, arguably, be a really bad idea."

Freeing non-native creatures was never a good idea. There was a whole workshop on invasive species that included how animals in captivity might suffer if released without the proper skills to survive. Media was also full of good intentions leading to the release of monsters.

"Which is why I came to the king of bad ideas," Steve says far too casually.

"Are you insulting me?" Dustin scoffs. "You're asking for my help and then insulting me. Seriously?"

"Do I need to bring up the coyote with mange you trapped in your cellar because you thought it was a chupacabra?"

Dustin frowns. "Considering you just brought it up- no."

"Voice in my head," Steve states to get them back on track. "Restricted area. Plan. Go.

Dustin sighs. "Fine. Do you think I can fit through the vents?"

Steve shakes his head. "They had to put grates in those because the octopus kept using them for midnight snack runs."

"Really?" Dustin feels like he should have heard about that, but he's only been an intern for a little over a month now.

"Yeah," Steve says dismissively, "It was a thing. Robin is a bit obsessed with her now."

"Like you're obsessed with the lampreys?"

Steve is clearly insulted by the accusation. He takes a moment to gape. "I am not obsessed with the lampreys. I am the opposite of obsessed."

"Sure." The one syllable is pure sarcasm. "Okay, so the other plan is we steal the badge of someone who has access."

"What do you mean we?"

"You aren't doing this alone."

"It's too dangerous." Steve's hands are back on his hips, but Dustin doesn't back down.

"If you get eaten, I get eaten," he states firmly. They have a silent standoff that Dustin eventually wins.

"Okay," Steve relents. He's learned in the few years he has known Dustin to not fight his loyalty. It was either agree now or be surprised when Dustin tailed him later. "Any idea who's badge we are going to steal?"

Dustin presses his lips together as he thinks. "There has to be people who do maintenance -"

"Maybe like the head aquarist?"

They both swing around to see Robin standing with a lanyard hanging from her finger. At the end is the badge of someone Steve doesn't recognize. He wonders how long she has been there and how much she heard.

"He left it in the food prep room," she explains as she holds it out to Steve.

He takes it, not bothering to ask questions even if there are quite a few that came to mind. The picture is of an older man with a receding hairline and white goatee. The text underneath reads: Wayne Munson.

New memories are sent to him. The sound of a kind drawl. Sweet and salty and tangy flavors masking the taste of decayed fish. Different textures. Something to look forward to.

Hope.

Steve looks at Robin. He smiles. She smiles back.

"Commence operation we're all getting fired."

[thelostboys87]

hugh grant characters in the hugh grant romcoms i watched during the peak of my sickness this week ranked by how much i want to have sex with him (least to most)

sad mid divorce lawyer stuck in rural wyoming hugh grant (did you hear about the morgans) — there is nothing interesting about this hugh grant and in fact the fullness of his character is so bad it actually takes away from his attractiveness. i have no desire to have sex with this man

obscenely rich and therefore evil but also incredibly stupid and incapable of functioning alone hugh grant (two weeks notice) — it would go against my morals but idk if i had the opportunity for that level of access i think i would have to take it because maybe i can get some money out of it and use said money for good to counteract his actions. more than anything i want to manipulate him into falling in love with me to see how stupid he’ll turn about it and maybe that would in turn cause him to neglect his business and ruin his evil financial empire from the inside. also he’s hot

art auctioneer accidentally joins the mafia hugh grant (mickey blue eyes) — genuinely what was the characterisation for this hugh grant besides his reactions to the mafia because i do not remember a thing?? ultimate “they just put hugh grant in situations” movie of all time but whatever. HE IS HOT

non committal and glasses wearing being the star of the show at every wedding he attends hugh grant (four weddings and a funeral) — so called “free thinkers” when hugh grant is single and fluffy haired and wearing glasses and also single at the wedding reception 🙄🙄 yeah like im a lion and im meant to just be chill when you dangle a beautiful succulent chunk of meat over my cage like that

washed up 80s has been who is mostly forgotten by the world because the other guy from his star studded young boy pop act is the more famous one hugh grant (music and lyrics) — okay technically if we are going purely physical looks and objectification, non committal and glasses wearing being the star of the show at every wedding he attends hugh grant is my first place, but i had to give this one the win on the fact that I know if i had been a young adult in the 1980s i would have wanted and needed silly little guy of wham! andrew ridgeley so bad and it would have been so serious. it would have been like a sickness even when he had that fuck ass mullet i would have been swooning not thinking straight. and that primal hunger would have carried into my forties through my unsatisfying marriage all the way to my 2007 high school reunion where andrew is left to fend for himself and perform solo because george is too busy being famous i guess idk that’s what happened in music and lyrics’ overly exaggerated take of the whamstory!. anyway i too like the sister would have not known how to act and some long dormant but still powerful horny beast would have also awoken inside me driving me to claw my way to the front of the stage where upon looking into my eyes (easy to do as barely anyone is there), he’d point the mic at me and we would have the moment that had been building within the fabric of the universe for the last twenty years, before he pulls a muscle tying to shake his hips or whatever hugh grant was doing in music and lyrics. i felt spiritually represented by this scene and it clouds my judgment of this hugh grant sex ranking as unfortunately the sickness is no joke and every time i look at my wham! shrine im like woahhhh i SOOO BADLY need the other guy…..wait who said all of that….ummmm i mean who DIDN’T love Pop! Goes My Heart? 😹

[cata-strophes]

I just found you and im like in love with all your art!!!! Do you think you could like catch me up on your ocs? Like a little introduction to them? Cause I am invested! I hope that's not too much to ask!

(Funny story, i was writing this and wrote a lot and then my power went off and i lost what i had written L)

Thank you!! :D And of course!! Im sorry this took so long, when i saw your message i realised i dont have a lot of actually-colored drawings of my ocs (that arent dante), so i ran to do some quick sketches (and got busy in the middle of it)

In the world of my OCs, some people are born with powers, but they have consequences and drawbacks if they're overused.

There is an Evil Bad Guy(tm), who, of course, wants power, and so when a kid is born with a strong enough power, it's more than likely they will be taken to join the ever-growing brainwashed army of Evil Dude(tm). Evil Villain Guy(tm) also carries forward... tests and experiments, to see if it's possible to evolve these powers and overcome their drawbacks.

This guy is my poor special little guy, Dante, and by that, I mean he's the one that I make suffer for my own amusement, i'm sorry, Dante.

He doesn't know his age, but he guesses he's in his mid-20s.

He was one of the child soldiers the Evil Villain Man(tm), and has been with him since he has memory. Now all he wants is revenge against him, and doesn't care about much else.

He was a favourite, because he was the first one to survive the tests and evolve the powers he has. (drawbacks are still a work in progress)

His power allows him to create limbs made from shadows, he specialized in wings. Altho he started only creating two wings, with the tests, he started calling more and more wings to his control, and they eventually stopped looking soft and feathery, and started looking more and more leathery, and he stopped using them to fly, more like spider legs to help support him and that he can turn into extremely dangerous and sharp weapons.

This guy over here is Nicholas. He is *drum roll* Evil Villain Guy(tm)'s older son!

Nicholas is in his mid-20s. He also has a younger brother, Theo, who is in his early 20s.

He was raised in blissful ignorance until he was a teenager, where he started figuring out his family's dark history. He started questioning his father's authority more and more, until, when he was around 16 years old, his own father commanded his assassins to get rid of him.

He was left for dead, but little did they know he had been hiding self-healing powers, and managed to survive and ended up joining a rebellion against his father, meeting Dante again ten years later, when he escaped. His brother is still with his father.

I'm very bad with names and can't choose, I have at least twenty options for each, but these are also some very important guys for them. All of their designs might change!! I'm still playing around.

The woman to the left is the leader of the rebellion, she took Nicholas in and knocked some sense into his head when he was pushing his body and powers farther than he should. She has electricity on contact powers, she uses it for the most shocking punches, or for charging whatever metalllic weapon shes holding to make it Hurt. Her drawback tho, is a loss of fine motor skills, her hands shake a lot because of this.

The guy in the right is Dante's uncle. Dante's uncle was a renowned knight, when he learnt that his brother, sister-in-law and nephew, his only family, were all wiped out in an attack, he lost his control and threw himself to battle with no second thoughts. His power is something of future visio; it doesn't go too far, just a few seconds or minutes (although he might get a few days or weeks worth of it in dreams), which made him unstouchable in battle. The drawback is the lost of his own eyesight. He is blind because of the overuse of his powers, and can really only notice light and very blurry shapes if he focuses (he usually doesn't). When he got tired of fighting he up and left, trying to forget and be forgotten, finding a village in the middle of nowhere and staying there to pass his days.

UNTIL his war-buddy, mister-in-the-center-drawing, came looking for him. They used to be the closest friends and he spent years looking for him after he vanished from the face of the Earth. He doesn't have any powers, but he is very much to Dante's uncle's levels of swordmanship and whatever-knights-do-ship (with the exception of. you know. literal future vision powers). They are boyfriends now.

Also Dante and his uncle meet later on, and this meeting is the reason Dante doesn't go off the deep end as it was very much looking like before. Dante's uncle knows Dante's real age and birthday, he never forgot.

[memberofthehumanrace]

crazy little thing called love

"Would you all stop teasing me? This is a very serious matter for me!" James had said.

That was five minutes ago. Now Sirius has root beer trailing down his nose down to his neck while Remus was just silently holding his laughter.

About three hours ago, James had brought him, Padfoot, and Wormtail to The Three Broomsticks, saying he had a very serious matter to discuss. Everybody was being their normal self – well – everybody except James. Peter was worried for James, repeatedly asking "What is it?" over and over and over until the words seem to have turned alien to Remus. Sirius on the other hand was laughing all the way here, telling his mate to "Relax, I'm pretty sure you're just being overdramatic. And we all know I'm nothing if not dramatic. So, as the muggles say, chill, Prongs."

The next hour consists of a blur of butterbeer, root beer, and whisky. Usually, Remus would hold himself back and not drink too much alcohol. But it's been more than a week since the full moon and his hip was still screaming every time he slightly moves around. A little alcohol doesn't hurt anybody, does it? he thought.

In the middle of telling a story about how he's finally mastered the art of eyeliner, Sirius was interrupted by James who cleared his throat after being silent for the whole hour.

"I have an announcement to make," said James. HIs voice was odd. It was high-pitched and all over the place. Not very James-like really.

Sirius just stopped mid-sentence. "Breaking news, lads. Our best friends Prongsie here has finally learned how to speak again. Astonishing!"

Remus found himself rolling his eyes. Though he thought it was unusual that James was acting like this. Where was the overconfident jock he was this morning? He wasn't only acting strange since the trip here. He barely said a word at dinner. Only muttered 'nice' once and smiled to himself while the others were rambling on and on about their day. No, he was acting strange even before that. It was really after Potions, when the fifth year Gryffindors had a class with the fourth year Slytherins. Normally, James would partner up with Sirius, but this time, he immediately ran to Regulus' table.

Oh. Oh.

Remus isn't an idiot. He's seen how James always seem to want to get closer to Regulus, no matter how much he pushes him away. He's seen the way they look at each other. It's the same way he and Sirius used to stare at each other when the other wasn't looking. They still do that now, only when they lock eyes, they don't break the eye contact and instead smile at each other.

James might've not told Remus about how he fancies Sirius' little brother, but he's also heard how Regulus talks about him. How Reg always seem to be mean to James, but smile to himself when he thinks nobody else is looking.

Remus realizes what's coming up and he finally understands why James had been acting so weird.

"Go ahead, Prongs. We're sure it's not that bad." Remus had spilled out. "Whatever it is, we'll support you no matter what." He was lying. He didn't know if Sirius was going to like the news or not. What he knew though, was that James was Sirius' soulmate and even if he didn't accept it at first, Sirius would come to his senses and accept that it isn't really that bad.

"Yeah, go ahead, Jamie" said Sirius in between giggles. He hasn't seen his Moony this serious since forever. Not to mention the fact that he hasn't been this drunk since forever. Everything was a haze and Sirius could barely see James without nearly squinting his eye shut.

James took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing. All right, so... uh... you know Regulus right?" No, we don't, Remus wanted to say. Instead, he said "Yeah, go on." He could see Sirius clinging onto Peter while grinning like a huge dork. That Sirius black grin.

"Yeah! So, you and Padfoot, right? You guys are, well, together. Me and, shit how do I say this, well so, Reggie and I are like you guys now, basically" James was trying to speed up the process, but every time he tried to talk it all just came out in a jumbled mess. "Hey, Pads, care for another beer?"

Secret's out.

Remus could see that everyone is trying to wrap their head around what just happened. Peter's face dropped and he's currently staring at James, not saying a word. Sirius also seem to be processing the situation, albeit a little slowly. How drunk is he, really?

"Woah, woah, back the fuck up! So, you're saying that you, James Fleamont Potter, are dating my brother, Regulus Arcturus Black?" Sirius said. Well, more like shouted. "Like dating dating? As in 'I love you' dating?"

Let's not act like this is not what Remus had expected. There are only two outcomes from this. Either Sirius storms off, or, well, he doesn't really know what the other option is. Sirius doesn't seem like the type to lecture James about treating his brother right.

After a long, awkward silence, James finally muttered a quiet "Yeah." By now, Sirius has sat back down in his chair.

Shit, Remus thought.

After yet another awkward silence, Sirius looks at James in the eyes. Shiiiitt.

"James, do you love him?" "Huh?" "Do you love him, Regulus?" "Well yeah, I mean, I don't really know what love technically means but if I were to explain it, I would say that I love him." "Alright." Sirius turned to the bartender and asked for another bottle of beer.

That was it? James seems to be thinking the same thing. "What do you mean alright, Sirius?" He chuckled, "I mean alright. I trust you enough to know that you won't break his heart, which if you do, you won't live to see another day. But I haven't been blind, Prongs. I've seen the way you both are like when you're together."

"Plus, you're madly in loooooooooooove" Padfoot said. "He's in love, Moony, you hear that? Our James has grown up quickly."

Oh, so he isn't mad? Thank Merlin.

Remus smiled. "Oh, he's in love, all right. He loooooooooooves our dear old Regulus!" By now, Peter's woken up and decided to tease James as well. "It's a crazy little thing called love!" Peter sang.

"Don't laugh! I was genuinely terrified of what Padfoot was gonna say!" James said. Come to think of it, it was rather funny how he was all stammer and stutter a few minutes ago.

"This thing, called love," Sirius stood up and reached for Remus' hand, pulling him down from his chair. "I just can't handle it" Remus twirled him around like a ballerina.

"Crazy little thing called love," Remus muttered, then pulled Sirius close. And their lips met. For a moment, nothing else mattered. All sound has gone silent and all that Remus could think about was Sirius Orion.

"Oi! Stop stealing my moment!" he'd heard James mutter in the background. Remus couldn't care less. He could feel Sirius smiling into the kiss, which just made him pull him harder onto him.

Remus didn't know what love meant as well. He's read books, but they didn't nearly prepare him enough for what it actually felt like. Love is Sirius. Love is his Padfoot.

He pulled away from the kiss, but couldn't find the need to look anywhere else other than Sirius' eyes.

"I love you" His voice was close to a whisper.

"I love you most" Sirius muttered.

"Lads! We're still here! Don't leave me and Pete hanging like this, will ya?" James said, clapping his hands to regain their attention.

"Look, Moony, that's our looover boy," Sirius chuckled. Remus could only smile.

James shook his head. He actually looks frustrated. It makes everything all the more funnier.

"Would you all stop teasing me? This is a very serious matter for me!" James said.

Stop. No. Don't do it. Remus wanted to say. But he was too late.

"No! You're James, I'm Sirius!"

The most overtold joke in the history of jokes. For some reason, Remus though it was the most hilarious thing he's ever heard. He has heard Sirius use that joke, over and over and over again. But for once it actually seems to be funny.

It was most likely James' reaction that made Remus double over in laughter. He looks so tired of that joke. To the point where he could only close his eyes and exhale.

But that's not the thing that made Sirius laugh. No, it was Remus doubling over in laughter, which then caused his arse to bump into Peter, who fell onto the bar and landed in one of those stacks made out of shot glasses, causing the whole structure to topple over and the glasses to shatter all across the floor.

This time, it was Sirius' turn to laugh while Remus and Peter stood in horror.

"Oh no" was the only thing he could muster up. He could hear Sirius slapping James shoulder behind him while laughing, or more likely sobbing.

He turned around to face them, only to find that there was root beer running down Sirius' nose, down onto his neck and spreading all over his shirt. That's hot, he immediately thought before bursting into laughter again. Leaving Peter to face with the mess they made.

p.s this was just a fun little thing that i wanted to try out. i had an idea and it just came onto life. i had a lot of fun writing this and might try writing more in the future. apologies for grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language. hope you liked it <3

[askkrenko]

Krenko’s Guide to Creature Types: Orc

Art by Darren Tan

What is a Orc (flavorfully)?

Orcs are basically larger, stronger, more ferocious Goblins. They’re known for being brutish, ferocious, impulsive, stupid, and basically everything Goblins are except that they’re big enough to back it up on an individual level rather than needing to swarm. The reason they’re so much like Goblins is that classic Orcs ARE Goblins and it wasn’t until 1977 when Dungeons and Dragons decided they were different.  Since then, the modern idea has been that Goblins are the small ones, Orcs are the medium ones, and Ogres, which are also historically the same thing, are the large ones. While this line of thought has mostly been accepted into modern culture, it’s not a hard and fast rule and it’s often not codified at all in things that aren’t directly from the D&D lineage. Orcs just being big goblins was extremely obvious in the early sets, where cards like Orcish Librarian and Orcish Settlers used the commonly repeated Goblin joke of being really bad at their stated job.

Orcs in Magic: the Gathering appear sparingly on Dominaria and heavily among the Pirates of Ixalan and the Mardu/Kologhan Clan of Tarkir. Population density on Arcavios is unclear, but there are a few at Strixhaven University.  As a D&D race, they’re also featured in Forgotten Realms sets.

What is an Orc (mechanically)?

Orc is a racial creature type, usually for Black or Red creatures with power and toughness in the 2-4 range. Forgotten Realms Orcs are often other colors, but Forgotten Realms does a lot of weird things to match the D&D flavor. All the Orcs in MtG worlds are Black and/or Red, at least. 

Orcs have a high instance of the Dash ability, but this is primarily due to being so heavily focused on the faction it belongs to. Most Orc abilities seem to be based more on their faction than the identity of being an Orc, though they do seem to have a higher than usual instance of cards that use drawbacks to get more power. 

Can I make an Orc deck?

Despite very little Orc tribal support or synergy, Orcs come with enough raw Red/Black aggression that putting a pile of them together to turn sideways is perfectly viable. That said, if you actually want to make a competent deck full of Orcs, you’re better off ignoring Orc tribal and either going Pirate tribal or making a Mardu/Khologan faction deck. You’re going to get a lot of Orcs either way, but the best support Orcs are cards like Dire Fleet Neckbreaker and Warbringer that support faction rather than all Orcs.  The only actual Orc Tribal cards, Orc General and Orcish Captain, aren’t even better than the artifact ‘choose a creature type’ rewards.

In Commander, you’re using Zurgo Helmsmasher. He’s one of the best Orcs on his own and he’s in all the colors you actually care about. Yes, there are other Legendary Orcs, but the only other one with an argument is Sek’Kuar, Deathkeeper, and the White splash is far, far better than the Green splash here. With the handful of Orcs printed in Commander Legends, Orcs actually have a bit extra going on in a multiplayer format. 

Is Orc a good creature type?

Orc is not doing great. Their identity of mid-sized black/red creature is interesting, but they don’t have enough in there to call their own. They operate on the ground between Goblins and Ogres without any traits to really set them apart from either, but Goblins can get as big as Orcs and Ogres can get as small as them, so Orcs are just fighting for design space with both. Orcs having drawbacks to gain more benefit is a good idea, but it’s certainly not being leaned into, and for whatever reason we’re seeing Orcs in Blue and White now, which just muddies what an Orc is even further.

Now, people like Orcs, I get that. Thanks to D&D inspiring Warhammer and that being blatantly ripped off into Warcraft, Orcs have a huge space in modern culture, but they’re just not doing anything in Magic. Wizards does seem committed to printing more Orcs, but this commitment doesn’t seem to include a willingness to define the Orc as something other than a Goblin/Ogre, and Ogre is historically just Orc in French.

My personal opinion is that for gameplay purposes Orcs and Ogres should just be the same tribe, but that’s not a fight I’m going to win, so I think Wizards needs to stop printing off-color Orcs and lean more heavily into the idea of Orcs as a tribe with a lot of strength and a lot of drawbacks. Mardu Outrider, which doesn’t even exist in paper, feels like a perfect Orc to me and I’d love to see more like that.

[halamet-chalamet]

Helloo!!! I saw you do the mgg/dpencer reid ship, and said Why not give it a go?

I am 5'3, short fluffy brunette hair kind of gal. My friends tell me my eyes are the "dead eye" shape. They are the color Green Tail btw.

I wouldn't say I am skinny, but I am in the middle, curvy maybe, but not skinny or mid-size.

I am an extrovert, always seeking for adventure and making new friends. I am loud and energetic most of the time. I can be very dramatic, but also fairly realistic. I am like the mom friend, always talking for others and taking care. I am sarcastic and try to put humor in things. Its just how I cope. I also have anxiety, but it is not that bad now, it used to eat me alive, but now it only catches me when there is something very stressful.

My hobbies are drawing and painting. Gifted child moment here. I also play the guitar and sing. Reading is also something I like to do.

But fairly, i HATE maths and physics, also the heat.

I adore animals, I havw a big ol cat myself. I like the rain, binge warching shows and definitely sleeping..

My mom would call my style sometimes boyish and sometimes classy. I love wearing baggy clothes but I also love wearing tight clothes. Bright colors ans mute colors..

Thats all ig, I hope you have a nice day and I send you all my ❤️

Thank you for sending me all your ❤️ I’m having a nice day :) you sound awesome by the way! I’m going to do you and Spence <3

Alright sis

You gotta drag Spence a little bit out of his comfort zone to do some adventurous things with you

Let’s be fair he is in the FBI and loves the adrenaline rush

But he’s also always on the lookout being really cautious

So you gotta help him be a tad more carefree to go on adventures with you!!!

When you and Spencer get together Morgan starts calling you both mom and dad

It’s clear you’re the mom friend which just makes Spencer honorary dad friend (besides Hotch ofc ofc)

It takes Spence a little while to get used to your sarcasm but he does eventually and you guys can go back and forth forever!

Especially after all our boys trauma he needs some coping humor

He’s so proud of you for overcoming some of your anxiety

You guys can help each other!

When you’re overly stressed he’ll do a great job of calming you and your anxieties down

And it goes the other way around

You sound super caring so I’m sure you would provide great comfort for Spence after a bad case or seeing/ thinking of his parents.

Art datessssss

He wants to paint with you

Man’s wants to draw with you

He’s better at drawing because his line work is really good :)

Wants to hear you sing and play guitar!!

Gives you books he wants you to read! And loves to see your monthly book picks!

Let’s be honest here

He doesn’t understand your hate for math

“It’s vital to our very existence!” Is what he likes to tell you when you complain about math (because math sucks)

He for real hits you with random math facts at some point just to see you get slightly annoyed. He thinks it’s cute

I stand by this next statement no matter what

SPENCER LOVES CATS

He is a cat person

Looooves them

He loves your cat!! And tries to pick it up and gives you cute cat facts! *cue awwww track*

Spencer will almost never pick a show unless it’s Star Trek or Dr Who

So he sits and binges with you whatever show you’re watching at the moment

He also analyzes the characters and can predict what’s going to happen sooo easy

But he doesn’t spoil it if you don’t want him to

He’s down for your eclectic fashion

And honestly always gets a little excited to see what you’re wearing this time

Sometimes he even tries to find an outfit to match the colors you’re wearing that day

Cute couples stuff I hope you enjoy <33 you sound like a fun person!!

[stellaeviventem]

Hello, this is going to be long :). going anonymously because I don’t want to be attacked by Mel,her fans or friends.

I was a huge supporter of her in her pastel asriel days. She was a huge inspiration to me and I loved her style so much I wanted to even copy it, I even made fan art of her and her OCs. I was there when she made NSFW of her characters and Omi. I was there when she randomly started saying that the earth was flat, I was there when she included r*pe in her storyline then made a “funny” video about it on her second channel ,i was there when she randomly started claiming she was a Cis gendered boy who was pretending to be a girl online (????idk either my memory is fuzzy but it was def a thing she did, even spoke about it on her old tumblr page) was there when she was publicly humilating herself when Omi and her first broke up (which I think made Omi feel incredibly guilty), I was there when she would be rude to people inspired by her and made a whole video/animation about it, I was there for all her darkest eras and shit she would spew infront of her fans and at people. but of course, this is all old and she was young right? Sure ig it could be excused. When I was young, I knew it was wrong some of the stuff she did wasn’t right but bc I looked up to her so much when I was like 13, I ignored it.

I Took a break from animation memes in 2020- to mid 2022 and now that I’m back, I find out that she’s the same weirdo and I guess she hasn’t changed. Seems like she hasn’t apologized for her past behaviors. She denies everything that was said on that WiKi was false, even though there is evidence, she lied about SA, which was a huge wake up call for me, she has a huge ego, she talks shit about people infront of her fans subtly in her server and thinks we don’t notice. Then she throws shade at people in both server AND her discord status, her friend (that pekopeach person or whatever) randomly accusing luvu for “copying” then deleting their comment. not to mention on her streams she subtly disses her past friends, Omi and luvu and it’s genuinely not needed or either annoying bc it’s really uncomfortable. i think the thing that gets me the most, is that if she just literally apologized for her past actions and her constant lying, people wouldn’t have a problem with her, but it seems like she hates being wrong or critized for her actions, so she acts like she is the innocent little bird who is being attacked by big bad wolves. I always believe that yes she has a right to talk about the bad stuff that happened to her, but she can’t pretend that she’s also the pure innocent one. We’re all human, admiting that you fucked up is fine. Her fans would still forgive her anyways if she owns up to the shit bc “omg pretty furries dancing and being edgy🥺”

To be honest, I just think she has a huge problem with lying, I dont want to use the term “psychological liar” but she definitely lies a lot and I’m not sure why since she was like a kid.Could possibly be that for 4+ years she has been infront of a computer screen since she was 13 , for HOURSS on end in her house, barely going outside and doesn’t have anything that socializes her , with barely any parental supervision. Her meltdowns online and publicly bringing up drama by being snarky and witty is going to be the downfall of her.

I’d like to apologize for believing her sick lies and twisted stories. I’d also like to apologize to all of you for not believing,laughing at her snarky comments and being quick to defend her, especially when she posted that “Honest” animation. she was (and is) making you guys seem horrible when she’s the horrible one. My inner child is broken but I’ll heal.

sorry this is long, I hope you guys keep doing what ur doing and speak out about her.

thank you for your kind message. i think i know who you are (i won't reveal anythin tho), and i just want to say that i'm sorry abt everything that mel did you. you didn't deserve that

you have no need to apologize. she's almost an adult and has been manipulating people for years on end. that's why all of her friends are her fans, because she thrives off of attention.

but, as you said, in the end we're all human. honestly, if she just apologized, genuinely apologized, i think most people would forgive her.

me personally? i wouldn't. she 'apologized' to me before, and it was empty and hollow. a paragraph sent to me to save face because i was 'too nice to her'. her actions are gross and i have no interest in hearing any sort of apology from her. i don't and won't believe her if/when she apologizes, because she doesn't even believe in herself.

i hope things get better for you.

[the-punforgiven]

It's me tag

was tagged by @catfacedvampire It's been ages since someone last tagged me in one of these lmao

- Are you named after anyone?

No, apparently my name was a fairly last-minute affair when I was born and my mother took one look at me and realized I'd make a terrible Wolfgang

2. - When was the last time you cried?

December 18th, 2022. I wouldn't remember were it not for Discord timestamps lmao I had accidentally double-dosed on my antidepressants and was weeping tears of love and joy over the fucking Claymore being in Elden Ring while I was mid-shift at work

Interesting day, that was

3. - Do you have kids?

No. Don't really plan to either, not on my budget, and given I was crying over a sword in a videogame barely a month ago I don't think I'm mentally fit for one either lmao

4. - Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yeah

5. - What's the first thing you notice about people?

Usually either their hair or clothes tbh, I'm faceblind as shit lmao

6. - What's your eye colour?

Idk either brown or green, depending on the light

7. - Scary movies or happy endings?

Idk honestly I love the horror genre but my tastes are so insane, weird, and specific that I also don't love a huge chunk of the horror genre and would prefer like, literally anything else Also I'm just a sucker for characters being happy, so sue me I like that things can work out alright as long as the story preceding it isn't boring lmao

8. - Any special talents?

I'm surprisingly good at playing music on like, small things that play notes that it isn't super expected to actually play music on, like how I used to be able to play the tetris theme on my mother's old cell phone keypad when I was like 12, or how I can play Unwelcome by Arsis on the Warframe Shawzin now

I used to be able to play the intro to Through The Fire And The Flames on Big Band's trumpet in Skullgirls back when I played that, but it's been a while and I'm pretty certain all my muscle memory for that game's long gone lmao

9. - Where were you born?

That weird little dirt orb that sometimes shows up between Venus and Mars

10. What are your hobbies?

Art, making stupid little tunes in Beepbox.co, fighting my friends with swords (highly recommend), Whatever you call the Fromsoftware Souls Game Brainrot that possesses you and makes you do co-op forever, loving it deeply and never tiring of it @mutuals I am begging you to play Elden Ring with me PLEASE Making music with instruments and my voice outside of Beepbox.co (though admittedly I've been having more fun goofing off with Beepbox lately lmao)

11. Have you any pets?

BEHOLD

12. What sports do you play/ have you played?

I don't play sports, but I have an interest in fencing, though idk how well I'd play with not only a light whippy sword (I'm a longsword kinda person at heart) as well as having a sword restricted to only one hand (again, I'm a longsword kinda person at heart)

13. How tall are you?

idk like 6'3 I think? (Don't let my sister lie to you, she keeps telling everyone I'm 6'4 and I can't make her stop)

14. Favourite subject in school?

I barely remember school at all tbh but the student councilor also ran a creative writing class that was rad as hell, though I don't remember more than like three things that happened in it over the two years I was taking it lmao I also remember liking art class, but I was so bad with rules I'm kinda surprised I passed lmao, I just doodled whatever the fuck every day and the teacher was just like "Yeah sure, this'll do" and passed me lmao

15. Dream job?

Tbh Daisuke Ishiwatari is already living my ideal career path and I haven't thought of anything else I really want to do yet

That's a lie I just like, really deeply want to be in a shitty metal band made up of friends that tours in a van who doesn't sound all that great but you can tell is just pouring their fucking hearts out up there and so you kinda forgive them because the performance is just so raw even if the technical skill isn't great and there may be some issues with the faulty electronics and at least one of them hasn't changed their strings in like four years but they sound good they love what they do and they're easy to headbang too so like, what more do you need, really?

Idk who to tag but like, if you wanna do this, feel free to do it and just like, say I tagged you in it, I won't tell

[wtflife01]

I just don’t get Cha. You are almost graduating architecture. You claim to be an artist. But in reality: all you do is sell cheap stuff for a ridiculous high price. Where did it go wrong // Honestly i think it‘s a combination of growing up rich and thus living in a bubble and her probably not being the sharpest tool in the shed (ik she studies architecture but honestly, that doesn‘t have to mean that she‘s very intelligent) // i didnt born rich but after my parents started get financially stable i went to a private highschool. the weird thing is born rich and being rich after is make really huge diffrence. as much as i saw when your family is rich but also your circle too seeing the truth is harder. i remember my father's old coworkers were crictizing my sister's paintings (well that's not bad but she was like 14 and it wasnt their business). then i remember too how our new rich neigbors complimented them. when you are rich, life is easier for you. being an artist while your parents are middle class is a dangerous move, but if your parents have money you can do whatever you want. the coworkers weren't bad people they just want to my sister see the truth so she wouldnt made a bad desicion for her future (still that wasnt their business -_-). i feel like this is why charlotte's art is mid but she still contiune. her circle is so supportive for her. even charles talking about her so proudly on interviews. well good for her but sometimes she should take critism.

charlotte gives major vibes that she's told she's super creative and talented, even if they know it's a lie, how many times as Marta wore those sneakers she painted for her for exemple 😅, and is probably told that anyone that doesn't think like that is jealous or something, and we all know how charles dresses and we have seen some of is own clothing line pieces so him saying she's creative and a good artist is no surprising, because art wise what we have seen from both can't be called either creative or good

[michaelnguyendotme]

Well...Happy New Year to you! I wish you a prosperous New Year of 2023! How many of you made New Year's resolutions? Let me be honest. How many of you have broken one already? anyone? How many of you are planning to break the rest while reading till the end of this blog? ...comm'n...don't be shy... For me, I made 2 resolutions. 1. Live my L.I.F.E™ (Lucrative, Innovative, Fun, and Easy) business to the fullest In 2023, I am pushing harder to distribute the $44-million blockchain stimulus to qualified business owners (more on that later). But first, let's shift our attention to China's 1-0 victory over the USA. Last week, the White House flew the 4,000-page-plus legislation to St. Croix so Mr. Biden could sign into law a $1.65 Trillion Spending Bill where the US government will owe billions of dollars they don't have of interest to China ...to avoid another government lockdown ...to give $45 billion in aid to help Ukraine fight against Russia’s invasion But who's paying for all these? US Taxpayers What's even worst to come is, later on, the US government has to borrow more and go deeper into debt just to pay the interest. Heck! I am just mid-way through my blog and uncle Sam has already broken its New Year's resolution: more debt. Anyway, what is it about the blockchain stimulus? It's not debt from which you or your grandchildren don't have to pay a dime of interest to China or anyone. This stimulus is not even issued by the US Government. "Where is the stimulus coming from?" you asked. It's new-found money locked in the blockchain earning interest daily so that the interest will be distributed to qualified business owners in the form of lottery prizes. At the time of writing, here's the current state of the blockchain stimulus: Stimulus amount: $42,464,64967,349 participants1,266 winners in the last 7 days$7,968 won in the last 7 days "How can I benefit from it?", you ponder. You can benefit in a couple of ways Option 1: You can certainly participate and have a chance to enter the DAILY drawing to win prizes from $1 - $200Option 2: You can also have your customers enroll in the DAILY drawing for them to win prizes WITHOUT you putting down a dime. Option 2 is my favorite because you use OPM (Other People Money) to grow yours WITHOUT paying interest!! (you're welcome, child). Heck! you outsmart even uncle Sam who borrows money to pay interest to China for the sake of protecting mice in San Francisco and providing extra support for the National Endowment of Arts, and many more... Whatever your option is, your ticket to benefit from the blockchain stimulus is to simply join uSpenduWin.com. 2. Help 1000 entrepreneurs to live their L.I.F.E™ (Lucrative, Innovative, Fun, and Easy) business ASAP and no longer have an S.O.S.™ business (Struggling, Obnoxious, and Stressful). Besides my existing products such as my book "Stop Losing Customers", Churn Buster Kit, Amazon Retention Secrets, and uSpenduWin app, I am planning to start a newsletter called "L.I.F.E Insiders" (sign up here if you want early access). In "L.I.F.E Insiders", I will be writing topics in 4 quadrants: Lucrative: According to the Merriam & Webster dictionary, lucrative means "producing wealth: PROFITABLE". I will share insights, experiences, and information to help turn your business into a more lucrative one even if you already had one. Sometimes, it's not necessarily a how-to, it can be a mindset shift or unlearning a bad habit hindering your business. Innovative Peter Drucker (the "GodFather of modern management") argues that what defines an entrepreneur is their attitude to change: 'the entrepreneur always searches for change, responds to it and exploits it as an opportunity'. Peter Drucker To exploit change, according to Drucker, is to innovate. You can start the process of innovation by asking yourself this question every day:

How can you improve what you are doing faster and more efficiently?Michael Nguyen And when you keep asking this question with the intent to improve and make it better, you will become better. Fun Fun is the most underrated source of internal energy to fuel your entrepreneurial journey. One of my mistakes early on in my career is to make goals based on financial rewards. I still do but it's no longer my #1 priority. Instead, I prioritize having fun...lots of it. And you laugh and have fun with what you do every day, it influences your state of mind and makes you feel good. When you feel good, your family is happy. You serve your tribe better and enthusiastically and people can instantly feel that energy. Easy You probably heard "Asians are good at math". When I first came to the States to study in college from communist Vietnam, I had no friends, no car, and no money. Tan Son Nhat Airport in 1999 when I left Vietnam for the US. I used math to make friends, have them drive me to school, and earned good money $12/hr in 2000 from tutoring math for students. But it comes with a curse. When the only thing you are good at is Math, you tend to make things complex and harder than it looks. Instead of shooting fish in the barrel, I choose to fish in the same pond surrounded by high-tech fishing vessels with state-of-the-art sonars and an unlimited ad budget. No wonder I was struggling early on. You deserve better and don't have to struggle like I did. That's it for my New Year's Resolutions. What are your New Year's resolutions?

[cypr1anlatew00d]

was looking thru the archive for material on old crushes the other day (lol) and came across the sort of stuff I worked through in the early-mid twentyteens that I’m now depressed to see, not just a lot of people in like the catholo-sphere or generalized-woo-sphere (which is kind of becoming everywhere lol), but, frankly, some of my heroes fall for again which is: not explicitly r*df*m shit but the sort of sh*kesville-adjacent gateway stuff, generalized biological or psychological conclusions wielded carelessly across sexes or genders, pop manhating, tropes of sex negativity and various permutations of calls for sisterhood etc. And I kind of wanted to talk about it as someone to lazy/sentimental to purge one’s own archive and act like it never happened.

to the early 20s version of myself; this does not solve any of your problems, lol. I know you’re wondering why a lot of women don’t seem to tend to like you or be nice to you both interpersonally OR, tentatively, romantically! (such a tentative feeling in fact it’s easy to feel like you are making a mysterious-to-you yet obvious rookie mistake and just have to fix it, thankfully(!) there’s endless bi women discourse to fill this mental angsthole) You feel kind of weird about often finding it easier to connect with men but also have not really had a relationship that quiiiite cleared the mutuality/honesty/respect bar yet either so you also have felt VERY confused and/or betrayed by them.

If only you really DID have something discrete and fundamental in common with roughly 50% of the population! And if only you turned your vaguely-defined “energies” towards that half instead of the bad half (preferably, if it comes down to it, against the bad half), if only you personally did the work on your own “internalized misogyny,” if only you take on the right lines, prefer the right art, lend a hand to all the right deserving initiatives, this harsh dog-eat-dog manworld that’s keeping you down would instead turn to uhhh how did ms federici put it recently? acoustic guitars... flowers in hair bla bla bla... right. In practice this is bullshit of course. More importantly, in practice this idea is cynically utilized by people who are most of the time already doing quite fine to set up their own weird academic cottage industries and public opiner fiefdoms. ie, the ladies with tenure who don’t see WHYYYY it’s a problem to call their event XX-whatever, it’s what we’ve always done, and women are so always kept down, you know, and by the way sorry we don’t have a travel bursary for you to come present etc etc and we want you to talk about the discrimination you’ve faced not your own work (imagine having that) etc etc

You will try it, and it does not make bitches like you. lol. You realize with a sort of  sickening double-anxiety that when you start thinking about it you can hardly relate to any of the “inherent” “material” “issues” of “being” a “woman” allegedly, much less imagine any of those words without scare-quotes around them, and what comforts you is much more perverse and strange and negative, the gender that is not innate or deterministic, the orientation which does not orient. Also there are obvious reasons you feel like an alien but doubly an alien when within a group that is supposed to share the broadest and most fundamental aspect of your “nature!” (shudder), your gender is completely knotted up with how polymorphously perverse, mentally ill, and autistic you are, and when ableists think “extreme male brain,” “trapped in an inherently immature stage,” “excessive,” “wretched,” “not taking proper care of herself,” “refuser of femininity” etc of course the utopic circle of sisterhood closes.

I got out of it in the practical sense because I think I had always held back from or was just in a straightforward sense incapable of going fully in; it took a little longer to get out of the ugly, ahistorically based prejudices I didn’t even know it was instilling in me (history is always, ofc, weirder), and I’ve only just maybe peeked over the lip of all the SHAME it built up in me, which is why it feels weird again to see these ideas I’m now brave enough to laugh at coming out of my own e-mouth around a decade ago. It’s funny that like every moralistic depiction of a bisexual can’t I did in fact get things both ways, I’m in my happiest, most mutually supportive relationship ever (with a man) but also have a circle of friends and dareisay community where I find more people like myself than ever before as well. Which leads me to conclude I have enough “energy” to go around, more internal resources than I ever could have thought or foreseen. Both the complementary of opposites and the antagonism of opposites are small and sad rooms on the edge of a world that is huge and weird.

[dzpenumbra]

10/2/22

I started the day off a bit rough. I got on edge and frustrated over something small, then felt like the life just drained out of me. I slept like shit so it might have had something to do with that. Also started the antibiotics yesterday too. I don't know. I just don't like doing things that I'm not proud of. I just feel very obligated to be true to my emotions and work through them, rather than avoid or suppress them, because of how badly that has screwed me over in the past.

I'm very tired. I might try to just get to sleep.

I guess the only thing I want to share that's immediately on my mind is... well two things, I guess. The tincture... not sure what it's doing, tbh. I barely feel it and I'm almost to the highest dose. But my sleep had been getting steadily better.

The second is... I've been trying to barrel headlong through impostor syndrome and whatever it's called when you actually are doing work but you don't feel like you're working hard enough... whatever that is, that too. I have been neglecting the SketchDailies. I stopped working on Rimworld D&D. I paused the new Rimworld playthrough concept. I've been debating dropping livestreams entirely and just focusing on YouTube content. I'm just... very up in the air, I guess. The only constant right now is recording playing Session and snagging clips. The running plan is to do Instagram vids of one or two tricks that I'm learning/learned. Then release the full week of clips at the end of the week, like Friday or Saturday or something.

I don't know, I just... feel like I could be doing much more. I keep doing this whole like... being on the phone for 3-4 hours at a time thing, and the whole time I'm... not getting anything done. Like... I really need to train myself to draw when I do that shit instead of wandering around the house. Like don't get me wrong, I'm getting in good shape from just pacing in circles around my house for hours at a time. Might actually be burning too many calories doing that. So maybe I need to just train that. Or you know what... people could just come the fuck over to my house and chill and talk while I'm making art. That's a thing. I mean, they live 5 minutes away... And I'm moving in like a month.

It's so frustrating what the world has become. Maybe it's always been sorta like this, maybe the people I'm around just changed... I don't know. But what it has been in my proximity, it's been seriously impossible to get anyone to do anything. Make plans, get excited, work on projects, go on a damn walk, fuckin anything. I can barely get phone calls, honestly. I don't ever get texts. It's just so... sad. And then I end up in this weird situation where I actually feel bad about inviting people to my house, or to play games, or to go skating. Like me asking them is an imposition or something, like it puts them in the awkward position where they would have to give the implicitly obvious response "um... no..."

Ugh, I don't know what it is. But it got in my head pretty deep. And I'm really gonna need to recondition myself. I need to be around better people. And I had a mini-freakout earlier about that. How the fuck am I going to meet people my age when I move? Like... aren't they all parents now? Maybe I'm just sorta not really processing that fully on a day-to-day basis. I am single, in my mid-30s, never married, no kids. That's... not very common, is it? At least where I am, naw. I mean, I'll see a few people on dating apps that are also claiming that, but we never match. It's overwhelmingly single mothers, divorcees. Not that I have a problem with that, it's just... something I haven't experienced yet. I have never been a father. I have never been a husband. I nannied my former goddaughter for a little bit when she was real little. I took care of my dog and cat and tried to be a good father to them, once I finally grew the fuck up and took that role seriously. But never to a human that saw me as a father figure. And I strongly doubt I've ever been in a relationship with someone who liked me enough to consider marriage. So... maybe that's a barrier for me, and puts me in a weird category?

It feels almost like arrested development in a way, but the lack of distractions in this stage of life has left me cavernous amounts of free time, with which I studied, and drew, and played music, and played games. I learned. But I can never practice the things that aren't available to me, you know? Like... you can never get good at drums if you don't practice... drums. If you don't have a drum set available. You can tap on your legs and shit... okay, you know what, better analogy. You can't get good at singing if you never sing. There. I'm sure someone could find a hole in that analogy but I like it much better, it's very true. I can kinda tell when I listen to people sing what kind of context they are used to singing in. You can't practice projecting your voice if you don't have a space to practice projecting your voice in where it wouldn't be upsetting others. Like a practice space or a car or something. So that feels like my experience with social dynamics, romantic relationships and potential parenthood.

I want them very badly. I am scared of them now, which is very sad. It's a really big paradox in my personality that's been building friction. My anxieties and depression have been inflating a lot lately, I'm guessing my confidence levels are dropping pretty quick. It definitely feels like it, to be honest. The paradox I'm feeling is that I want more than anything to be a husband and a father, to have a family. My whole life I've wanted that. Now... I'm scared of it. I never have been in the past. I always was 100% all-in with it. I want nothing more than to be a dad to an awesome kid. Probably a daughter, but who knows. Maybe it's having gone through losing essentially a surrogate child. Maybe that's it. Fuck. I mean this shift is very recent... That would add up too... man, I'm really glad I journal now, I legit had no idea I felt that way.

I'm worried of fucking it up. I'm worried of having a kid who develops the same family stuff me, my brothers and my dad have. It's like... being very smart and creative... but also super anxious and withdrawn. I think it's a very likely outcome. I honestly think I could teach that kid more than anyone could have ever taught me... you know, because I put my entire life the past... 10+ years... into digging deep into the mechanics and meaning behind these behaviors. I have been exploring. The final frontier. The frontier of the human consciousness, exploring itself. I've learned a lot, I learn more and more each day. So... maybe it would actually be good. I guess I'm just sorta in-general scared now. I'm getting tired of it. Being afraid all the time is so draining.

I'm glad I wrote tonight, but I'm gonna wrap things up and try to get to bed early. This dawn to 1-2 PM sleep schedule is just kind fucking up my ability to get anything done in the world. I would really like to go on regular walks again. I miss being in nature, feeling my toes in the dirt, hearing the rush of water, the rustle of leaves, the birds calling and squirrels and chipmunks chirping. Tomorrow should be the day I get to revisit. Rest well.