#also corpses cant lie

[daemon-in-my-head]

I'll never be over Sally calling her own son a dreadful child or saying she should've ended him before he was even born. I don't give a single flying fuck about the crimes he's committed (at least in this context). Nobody should talk about their child like that. And you know this absolutely vile woman probably told him this and much worse shit straight to his face. She said all that shit to a small kid that was presumably still innocent at that point. Aka, she most likely told her child it would be better if he were dead. Aka, she told her kid to kill himself. A FUCKING CHILD. And thx to the Belladonna lying around in their kitchen, I'm still convinced she tried to kill Gortash once he came back.

'Sold him cuz they needed money' my ass. You made your own kid, the person you were supposed to protect, pay for your own fuck ups and debts and mistakes and send him straight to hell. LITERALLY. FOR SOMETHING HE HAD NO FAULT IN. AND THEN THIS THING HAD THE AUDACITY TO TRY ND KILL HIM.

The absolute hatred and disgust I have for this fictional woman. I despise Bhaals A+ parenting, but this woman is worse than the fucking lord of murder. Imagine being more loathsome than an evil deity whose whole bit is goddamm murder and death. I swear to fucking god-

[lonelyquail]

ok so while my ds is getting sand poured into it at alarming rates I'm thinking about how jrpgs in specific have a really weird desync with How Important Death Is. like some address it better than others but it very frequently happens where if you take a step back youll go "am I wild or is everybody just like, Really down with murder in this game". and consequences for said murder, especially in a characterization sense but even just actual physical consequences, don't really happen? unless it's a vehicle for conflict but like. when it is a vehicle for conflict it feels weird because why are These Guys actually taking the fact we killed somebody in broad daylight seriously and coming after us for it while all the other npcs and even the main party took it like it was another saturday evening

see I Think where the issue lies is in the fact that everything is in its own little world when you're in a battle? like. when you fight an enemy and you get leather out of it it's seen as something the enemy Drops and not. their hide. when you defeat a character in a battle it does just feel like you Defeated them. unless there's dialogue afterwards that says otherwise you don't even mentally assume you killed em you just wounded them enough to make them flee or dissolve or whatever. and it's Weird to just. have that assumption there because for a lot of games it really isn't clear if you're killing them or defeating them !!

that last point is extra important when you have the specific brand of Skittish Hero / Noble Hero Who Doesn't Kill People / Rational Hero In Way Over Their Head or whatever where you really don't think they Would kill a guy just to get them out of the way. in that case it's REALLY weird because it's hardly brought up. even if it Is brought up that that guy Sure Did Die the mc doesn't tend to actually have a reaction ??? and I don't know why this is ???? like Any written reaction would be more interesting than nothing even if the guy doesn't have a full on crisis about taking another life having them go "oh shit, The Consequences" would be nice. really anything except (oh cool we can advance the plot now).

I will also mention that Some deaths do matter plot wise but very frequently what makes them matter is how much of it is linked to an in game battle I think. if your mc just finishes a fight and comes back to the overworld and the guy's Disappeared or Dissolved or whatever it means they don't matter. if the guy's still around after the fight it means it's more significant, especially if they're still alive but wounded or Really Shaken Up. because this clears up the indistinguishable line between if a battle is lethal or not and if a character decides to deal a finishing blow now it's Way more telling of their character. even though this is basically the same thing that happened in the (killed In A Battle) scenario. just with more dialogue. I will also mention that the person who deals the finishing blow is Rarely Ever that good hearted protagonist and often they'll even go :0 at somebody else committing a murder despite them instigating and helping murder quite a few people. just. In Battle. so it's less bad. I guess.

this is leaving out the fact that in party deaths are often a Major Major Blow because like. ok that's fair. that's A Guy You Knew that's understandable. anyway I don't really know where I'm going with this I just think it's interesting how in these types of games death can swap from not mattering at all to mattering a Lot and if u don't think about it too hard u don't even question it. I'll probably be putting some examples in the tags idk

[knaveofmogadore]

Losing my mind at the amount of people on reddit who will straight up admit to poaching or breaking conservation laws like genuinely

[thesunfyre4446]

Yo. New to the HoTD discourse. I hope you don't mind me rant dumping on your blog. I'm a bit scatterbrained so I hope I lay out my feelings about these things clearly. I have finally watched HoTD and ....

Listen, I could have liked Rhaenyra well enough, in fact I didn't really mind her in the beginning. But it really all changed once I saw what the audience were saying. How the majority seems to have no sympathy for Allicent at all.

I thought we all understood that no character in Westeros is really all that great?? So I really cant understand the vile hatred spewed towards her? It feels like they even hate her more than anyone ever hated Joffrey or Cersei. People were rightfully angry with the show runners decision to have Jaime r*** her in that one scene. People were capable of feeling empathy for Cersei despite how despicable she is. But there's SOOO much victim blaming for Alicent. It drives me fucking nuts. And to show sympathy for her would have people dogging on you.

I really cannot believe my eyes when I see people thinking she willingly seduced that rotten walking corpse.

I was so naive to think people would understand where her character is coming from. She is utterly powerless. She doesn't have a king for a father to pardon every mistake she makes. She's suffocating and it makes sense for her to hate Rhaenyra who has more privilege than any woman who ever lived in that world, and yet still step over every single rule while expecting everyone else to just live with the consequences of her actions. We're supposed to like her??

I GET that the point of it all is that monarchy is just a shitty way to run a kingdom. I GET that Rhaenyra being a terrible ruler is the point. Man or woman it never mattered.

What I don't get is people thinking she's some feminist figurehead?? She behaves as a man does in that universe, entitled and unfit for what they feel entitled to. I get that that's the point, but that doesn't mean she's for the women at all. Like any man, she's out for herself. Why would I like her if she behaves as any corrupt man in that world would, when the only difference is she doesn't have a dick? And I wouldn't necessarily mind that? I don't watch HoTD or GoT for perfect characters. But if only the audience didn't treat her like some sort of hero and Alicent the pure villain.

I never felt frustrated with GoT discourse. Why the fuck does it seem like HoTD has bred this extremely toxic environment? You can't seem to have a different opinion unless your mouths dick sucking on Team Black.

Dany, just as entitled as she was, she was still able to do as duty demanded. Rhaenyra is a just a spoiled child all the way through. The hatred for Alicent and the inability for people to see Rhaenyra for what she is, has me thinking people have really missed the fucking point about what feminism actually is. And once again, I didnt watch HoTD for feminism. But the audience seems to think Rhaenyra is a beacon for it. Wether intentional or not, ideas take on a life of its own and you cannot divorce these fan-imposed ideas from the show anymore. That's really the part of all this that pisses me off.

I'm TG now not because I condone everything they've ever done. Literally everyone fucking sucks. I'm TG because I understand everyone fucking sucks. And I dislike being tube fed by the biased writers on what to think and feel.

anon, not a single lie was told.

people hate on alicent for displaying human emotions. it's insane. it's always "rhaenyra will turn westeros into barbieland" until someone brings out the fact that she has no intention of helping any other woman other then herself and then it's all "well, we shouldn't judge her from a modern day pov"..

"I'm TG because I understand everyone fucking sucks" this!! also, they have better characters lol

[wizardpigeon]

on austinshow (?) in generation loss

(austin viewers pls forgive me if thats not the name he actually uses bc i do not watch him so idk im using the one they introduced him with and assuming its good)

i know a lot of people interpreted austins whole thing with the wife and kids as him being forced to lie by showfall but honestly the whole time my perspective

was that he was actively lying To The Viewers because he knew he'd have a better chance if he appealed to a wider audience/didnt reveal that he was gay,

like, i know he was introduced as

Austin Show | gay

but they cant see that, and the puzzler immediately calls him out for lying, and throughout the episode repeatedly asks him the names of his children and how many he has, which austin fucks up multiple times, so i assumed that he was intentionally trying to mislead the audience to protect himself, and showfall had the everyone prompt him as much as possible (and maybe got him to mention them more himself) in order to point out that something wasn't right about what he was telling us

now, i also want to point out, (and this is from another theory ive seen tying back to the mind control) that austin doesn't have anything on his head, and one theory i saw is that everyone else, barring sneeg until the hat, had something on their head in that episode,

ranboo with their mask

niki, vinny, and sneeg with hats

charlie and ethan with their glasses

rats with masks,

and jerma/puzzler with the prosthetics although that ones a bit more meta since based on charlies commentary it actually looked a lot more real/seamless in person than on camera

but austin isnt wearing anything, and hes arguably the most freaked out, like sure niki is sobbing but she switches the second shes in the spotlight she switches to being collected and upbeat, the only other person we see as visibly disturbed as austin is sneeg during the hat sequence,

throughout the entire carousel scene austin is looking around, visibly nervous, and like others have pointed out, he kept staring at frank, who since the reveal of the filter thing, everyones been pretty agreed on is probably like, a full on rotting corpse that they were just carting around,

so i think that while showfall had some influence on austin, his actions more than anything, they didnt have full control over his words, and they were definitely letting him see at least some of what was going on,

whether they were allowing him to lie and behave so nervously is anyones guess, it certainly makes the program more interesting, but the way he talks so desperately about his many wives and children reads to me as something a queer person would probably do if placed in some kind of saw esque game show where we had to appeal to the largest majority of viewers to survive

i like the way people have taken it as showfall stripping him of his identity, but to me, i read it as them outing him, which, also in my mind works closer with the theme of what fans/fan culture will do to "celebrities" (see kit connor with heartstopper however many years ago that was), and the fact that showfall outed him without care that his situation was dangerous just drives this further home for me

[lakesbian]

cant stop thinking about when scarf was like it'd be so funny if clockblocker just died unceremoniously offscreen so he doesnt have to be in ward. and then the book fakes out like he died unceremoniously offscreen during behemoth but it's a lie (it fuckign Gets scarf they fall for it theyre holding his corpse) and then he was fine. and then he does actually unceremoniously die offscreen on the oil rig (scarf is reading about the oil rig now and has not noticed this yet). And also he is still in ward because he does die but he gets better (nobody tell them).

[eirxair]

OMAM opinions 😱😱 (from a mouse🤩🤩)

with spoilers!!!!! be warned

i love robbie burns and i love the shoutout in the books title

slim is boring i cant even lie to yous, hes morally a decent character hes just boring, got nothing really going for him compared to everyone else

Steinbecks descriptions are actually class lads, mwah

i hate lennie with a burning passion, dont care if he's got a disability, doesnt mean he gets to murder a woman and a puppy, dont care if he didnt mean to, bro still murdered someone, ALSO HE THREW A PUPPY

curley's wife is a victim but she's also a victimiser, what she said in chapter 4 was pure evil.

george and curley are very similar

curley is literally a chiauaua with agression issues

if you blame curley's wife for her own death youre so weird

i am never forgetting the quote 'flopped like a fish'

candy is pitiable but also dont scream at a corpse? tf?? like i get ur upset but also please stop screaming at dead people

anyone who says that Crooks is not a victim bc he was mean to lennie, you're also weird, very weird actually

idek why carlson is there atp like ik the symbolism in the last line and all but he just irks me a wee bit

[sabaramonds]

dmdp posting again. hey guys. MANGA SPOILERS !!! ive rambled about this on discord and on twitter in bits and pieces but it haunts me so im going to talk about it again here. so theres this song i heard a month or so ago, turtles all the way down by sammy copley, and every time i listen to it i start tearing myself apart at the seams over the corpse god and his emperor (and once again i will be referring to them strictly as their titles because, again, if you havent read the entire manga and been edged for 80 chapters, it just isnt right...) typical ok this got super long so im actually putting it under a cut this time but 👇 go forth if you want to be subjected to the depths of my illness

anyway!!! i just cant help it. everything about it perfectly encapsulates their relationship from corpse gods perspective. like

im not well as you can tell by the way i havent looked you in the eye im about to lie and say im fine but inside you and i know thats not true but its either this or let my burden weigh on you and that i just cant do so ill choose for the both of us and youll just go along because youve trusted me for no good reason here i am, committing treason force the last page of our story one more boring allegory hope to god youll rise above me; always bite the hand the loves me mine, mine is the unkind kindest cut of all and ill watch you fall

i feel crazy. “but its either this or let my burden weigh on you / and that i just cant do / so ill choose for the both of us” because corpse god doesnt want to burden his emperor more than he already has; his emperor has already dirtied his hands for him. thats already too much. “youve trusted me for no good reason / here i am committing treason / force the last page of our story” because he feels as if he is unworthy of his emperors love and trust and kindness and that aside from what hed done under a foreign necromancers influence, the grief and rage that possessed him to act in violence made him even more unworthy - made him a traitor to his masters teachings, to his emperors affection... even before we got further context for their relationship in the last few chapters of the most recent arc (civil having his #girl moment) i wrote in “the ghost of who you were” that corpse gods escapist fantasy of seeking out a world, or creating one, where his emperor would never have to dirty his hands on corpse gods behalf - or on the behalf of any child subjected to violence by adults who should love them - was an impossible dream he chased in an attempt to outrun the forgiveness of his emperor (though, to his emperor, there is nothing to forgive at all) also “hope to god youll rise above me; always bite the hand that loves me / mine is the unkindest kindest cut of all / and ill watch you fall” so fucking prophetic. to me. about corpse god choosing for both of them (sealing away his emperor and other spirits hed contracted with deep within himself so they could not reach out to him and judge him for what he had done) and the fact he did, indeed, watch his emperor fall; he had done it himself, with his own two hands, as unwillingly as it had been.

and i am aware that its not fair to bring you here then send you on your way you had so much to say and to ask like, “why am i not cut out for the task of loving you forever, of holding you and never wanting less?” well, i can take a guess see, i could choose for the both of us and youll just go along because youve trusted me for no good reason love, no matter what the season; force the last page of our story youre my favorite allegory hope to god that youll forgive me; my mistakes will long outlive me mine, mine is the unkind kindest cut of all and ill watch you fall

ripping my face off as i listen to this song and think about them right now. as we speak. “and im aware that its not fair / to bring you here then send you on your way” like every single part of this. “hope to god that youll forgive me / my mistakes will long outlive me” corpse god binding his emperors soul to him (consensually) only to push him away in the aftermath out of guilt and grief and feelings of inadequacy. his emperor never stopped wanting him, not even when corpse god became one of the undead himself; not even when he was nothing but bones held together by his masters magic, a brain in a jar kept cradled close to his frail, fleshless vessel... in his emperors own words: “no matter what youve turned into, the empire and i are always on your side.” in chapter 80, he says to corpse god, “being alive isnt about whether or not youre dead body. its about whether youre looking to the future or not.” he follows this up by addressing corpse god not by the title he himself had given him, but by his name (BRAIN DAMAGING) (I WAS ON THE FLOOR WRITHING LIKE A WORM)

and i dont know if this makes it any easier perhaps youll find comfort when i say: you and i are nothing more than meteors, never meant to live long past today yes. ill choose for the both of us: youll just go along because you trusted me against your judgement you deserve someone who doesnt force the last page of your story no more boring allegories hope to god youll rise above me, though youll always be part of me mine, mine is the unkind kindest cut of all ill watch you fall now watch me fall

most of the song i feel very strongly reads as corpse gods perspective but “perhaps youll find comfort when i say / you and i are nothing more than meteors, never meant to live long past today” feels like such an emperor thing to say. when you are a child emperor, you are braced for political assassination; when you are from a land where necromancy is a real and thriving art, your fear of death can be softened by the knowledge that if the one you love outlives you (even if their own flesh, too, is long gone) then your voice will still be heard by those who matter. though even then, the emperor is quite a funny guy. he loved corpse god before he was corpse god; he loved him when he was flesh and bone, loved him when that flesh dissolved and he was left as just a skeleton of who he had been; he loved him when corpse god killed him, loved him when corpse god bound them together. and always, he waited for when corpse god would be ready to face him, waited for him to be able to live. because corpse god was not alive before. if we go off of the emperors idea of “being alive” meaning “looking forward”, corpse god was always looking down or looking back; caught in his past, his regrets, his fears. i mentioned what his emperor said in chapter 80. in chapter 81, the opening page of corpse god is him smiling at the sight of his emperors back, thinking to himself: “unlike me, you only ever looked ahead. how could you keep your eyes trained forward on what was to come? i didnt understand at the time (and here, we see corpse god as he once was: face hidden by a bone mask and cowl, unsmiling) but now, i think i get it a little.” he thinks this as he watches his emperor dirty his hands on his behalf once again. he called for his emperor willingly, this time; he asked for his help, not as a subject beseeches their lord, but as a friend. an equal, the way his emperor had always treated him; he is ready to be alive, now. he is ready to look forward instead of past, to accept his emperors forgiveness, his love; to think of himself as worthy returning that love and wait i forgot lol i was so caught up in the insanity of the emperors perspective in those first few lines and segueing into corpse gods growth during the latest arc that i forgot to talk about “hope to god youll rise above me / though youll always be part of me” wanting his emperor to have better than what he does (corpse god) but wanting to always keep part of him with him + “ill watch you fall / now watch me fall” literally he killed his emperor with his own hands (unwillingly) and then his downward spiral in his grief and when he eventually went absolutely bananas on those geldwood cultists giving them a brutal torturous death for murdering the orphan children he was caring for at the time and believing his actions had made him unworthy of the power he wielded and (holding my head) as you can tell i think about this song and about them a normal amount. i think ill stop talking here. for now. i just. oh my god. theyve come so far. the fact corpse god is able to face his emperor now. jesus christ 😭 if you think im bad about these two just wait until i start talking about civil. lol

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Man I cant believe I didnt mention this but in episode 17 when Ciel has to take his bath before the creepy ceremony Sebastian tells him something like "You are my young master, Ciel, and I have no intention of putting you in danger" it mightve been something else entirely idk and idc, the part thats important is that Sebastian actually called him by name because thats the part that gave me like, goosebumps and caused me to have this out of body experience for a second to when I was watching this for the first time being like "woaaaaaaaa. He called him by name for the first time thats so intimate Im very flustered by this now btw" and. Im proud to say that my reaction barely changed and I hope my 11 year old self is proud of herself for liking media that has permanently changed my brain chemistry

Also, that scene is so strange now that ive read the manga because its like. well that cant happen now. Sebastian can never call our Ciel 'Ciel' bc that would be a lie and he cant lie to our Ciel and thats weird to think about for me for some reason

Ohhhh wait I was gonna conclude this post differently but I just remembered something Sebastian said at some point that I feel is relevant. He was doing his typical I Will Be With You Until The Very End shtick and at some point he goes "Until the day lie turns into truth" Im pretty sure thats towards the end of the circus arc in the manga and I heard it for the first time in the book of circus anime and I was confused bc what ??? What the hell could that mean. But now Im pretty sure it was actually meant to be foreshadowing for the two Ciels twist. Like, the real Ciel, heir to the title of Earl Phantomhive, died in that demon ritual and our Ciel, the "weaker" Phantomhive, survived but when he went back he told everyone that hes the heir to the title and that the weaker Phantomhive was dead. That is The Lie. And that Lie will become Truth when Sebastian inevitably eats his soul and the weaker Phantomhive dies like he was supposed to.

I just realized that I mightve mistaken something that Claude Faustus said for something that Sebastian said. Because like, Claude likes to go on these little monologues where hes all like "Sugar into salt, living people into corpses, midnight blue into gold etc etc" and he definitely said "lies into truths" as well at some point but. eh whatever. Aaaaaaand post

[sociieties]

assorted 2 & 3 am thoughts by mars, csm editon. mostly about beam i think

its more so thats he’s extremely temperamental and very aggressive, especially when things dont go Beam’s Way, which is less so “i dont want to kill other devils” and more so “i didnt forget you guys have me working jere against my will bc i was TRICKED and TRAPPED into being here”so ofc hes gonna be too rough and rowdy for anyone in the agency to deal with (makima’s the exception. bc… you know…. but she doesnt want to deal with him herself, which is why it goes unchecked)

but he’s also still a fiend/devilman whos very much (and very importantly) born from the SHARK!!!! devil and as you know about sharks and blood, basically like moths to a flame. it doesnt help that he actually likes fighting and the violence of it all, he’d happily hunt someone down just for funsies but that devil hunter agency has a leash so tight around his neck that he knows better

me, dropping headcanons here bc i cant be assed to format them to post on dash yet

i personally think that beam is more shark devil than human brain of they body more specifically, that beam follows more of the shark devil’s logic and instincts while retaining some of the dude’s impulses, but very little of them like the shark devil overrode the mind of the body years and years ago and specks may remain here and there, but they’ve been together for so long that its almost impossible to discern where one begins and the other ends the entire thing about beam and his speech pattern is a direct result of the shark devil. its something that will happen to any fiend shark devil makes, inevitably giving them blender brain and chopping up a large part of their vocabulary

@razrbomb: PLSSSSdon't even gotta format. why you leaving all this gold in the privacy of thee dms aknfknfr i would lov to read more and see this elaborated more

djdjdjd dw it’ll go on dash after i figure out more its just that the synapse are firing slowly

shark devil is older than devils like angel…. older than war and famine and most of the devils chainsaw consumed….shark devil is literally age old and has been around since the first people learned what a shark is and that is… terrifying to think about

not like. beam specifically. but shark devil as a whole, reincarnation after reincarnation and the likesonly growing stronger and stronger as the days become more and more modern only growing stronger as people begin researching and documenting and the moment people started making shark based horror movies, thats was basically is

as scary as gun devil is … that one movie with that fucking 4 headed shark and the entire sharknado deal going around? sorry, my money’s on shark….

also to be completely 100??? i sorta don’t believe that beam is actually a fiend

partially bc i can’t see and don’t understand wtf would have happened to shark for shark to decide “ykw? i’ll take the L and just deal with the power loss just to live as a fiend rn” bc like be serious, who or what tried killing him and why? also what was on earth in the moment that was so serious for him to commit to staying instead of just taking the reincarnation and going?

clearly shark (beam, but i wholeheartedly believe it’s entirely shark) has the whole im ur biggest fan for chainsaw for reasons unknown but up until denji became a hybrid, im pretty sure its implied that most, if not everyone, didnt know where in the FUCK pochita was? not that i put blind loyalty beyond beam, but still

IF i have to take beam actually being a fiend and that much isnt a lie, then i 1000000000% know deep in my very being that shark killed that person himself. actively sought out *this one guy in particular* at the beach and went “yes, this one is gonna be perfect for me” completely premeditated. tragic corpse.

no clue when pochita died in hell and was reborn on earth, or if he was just blipped over to earth like some reverse summon sorta thing (press x to doubt) BUT angel said that all the other devils that were in other divisions said the last thing they rmr’d in hell was the sound of a chainsaw and now i’m wondering if pochita handpicked the latest batch of devils (and consequently, some of the fiends) that are on earth rn to help him achieve his goal and ofc to get them on earth, they have to die so off he killed, but not consumed, them

but if not, then pochita just be out here killing at random which as likely as that is, i also find it strange that all (most?) the devils in the agency specifically last remember hearing a chainsaw. like thats a weird thing to mention outside of like “yeah chainsaw devil… scary…”

stares at beam shark devil i know you know than you put on you were one of them…. i KNOW you specially was handpicked, but was it bc you were always a follower of chainsaw or did you become a follower as a result….slowly but surely i’m falling down the rabbit hole

[vaas]

33, 44, 56 !

33. What’s the worst injury they’ve ever had?

coeur: getting shot in the head like. by far. immediately after it would be getting shot in the liver which while still pretty bad didnt involve getting left for dead

liu: in her 20s when she was really cocky and stupid she tried to box a deathclaw and ended up getting gored. she did kill it but she also had to get an emergency field hysterectomy. she learnt very little from the experience

cassie: project purity radiation poisoning. super lame. alternatively in the pet timeline where shes present for the events of fallout 4 its getting bombed in a vertibird and blown out of the sky

cassiopeia: various cyborgization surgeries were functionally dismemberments and then the attaching of permanent prostheses. even with anaesthesia it was brutal and really gross

ghost: her "birth". not a joke. about half the skin on her body was peeled off from a severe chemical burn. it was narsty

hunter: she has been shot at and mauled so many times but if asked she would say the frostbite that took 2 and a half of the toes on her left foot

lamb: bomb in her face

44. Does this person try their best to be honest or are they not above lying to get their way?

coeur: prefers honesty but will lie for the sake of expediency. her biggest sin is impatience

liu: doesnt respect you enough to lie

cassie: will lie for funsies

cassiopeia: whatever makes you do what she wants but will also lie if shes like bored

ghost: physically cant lie. too autistic

hunter: also too autistic to lie. she still might try but shes Awful at it

lamb: source: i made it the fuck up

56. What do they smell like?

coeur: desert. sand and dirt and sweat. sometimes cigarette smoke and vegetal matter but mostly dirt and sweat

liu: metal. also sweat. mostly metal

cassie: leather and tar. sometimes burning plastic and alcohol it depends on her hijinks dujour

cassiopeia: doesnt inherently smell like anything. her skin is synthetic and she has no sweat glands so she doesnt secrete or absorb any scent you gotta Get her with something and then she smells like whatever you Got her with

ghost: death. not being edgy she smells like wet dirt and corpse juice she spends all day underground hanging out with feral ghouls for fun

hunter: leather again and animal pheromones. sometimes also sewage from being in the thorn

lamb: very chemically. gunpowder and detergent and solvents. also very musky from not leaving vault 3 ever

[gaeilgeoirgay]

Whumptober 2022

Day Four - Waking Up Disoriented

@whumptober-archive 

CW- Mentions of death, light corpse description

embedded in their bones

Bix stares at Timm’s corpse until Grian comes for her. She stares and stares and stares, memorising the expression on his face, the blood pooling beneath him, the blaster hole burned through his body.

Grian picks her up, along with a familiar man who’s name she can’t quite place. Distantly, she worries about brain damage, about how much bacta this could take, if she can go without it.

Bix stumbles along with Grian until she’s back at his place, allowing him to lead her. He sets her down on his bed and says he’s going to find a medic, the familiar man going to the kitchen to get her a glass of water.

The medic arrives and pronounces her relatively alright, sticks a bacta patch on her head, and orders her to get some rest. She obeys, falling asleep in Grian’s bed.

Her mind replays Timm’s death over and over again as she sleeps. The surprise, the shock on his face. He didn’t think they would kill him. Bix doesn’t know what he thought they’d do. Give him a flower crown? Fool.

Though Bix supposes he was always a little foolish like that. He didn’t understand the community of Ferrix, couldn’t understand it, his sheltered upbringing and comfortable life incongruous with the grit and sacrifices embedded in their bones.

He never got it. It was ironic, really, that Timm only understood her in death. Only understood the rules of Ferrix when it was too late to learn them.

She sleeps.

A few hours later, Bix wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, unmoored and disoriented. At first, she thinks it’s Timm’s bed. She stayed with him last night, didn’t she? He made caf in the morni-oh. Timm’s dead.

Reality slams into her and she suddenly needs to find Grian. She needs the casualty list, needs to know who’s dead, who’s disappeared, who’s gone to ground.

Bix is suddenly, abruptly, furious with Timm. She hadn’t had time to be angry yesterday. She needed to find Cassian to warn him, and then the Morlana guards had caught her, Timm died and she ended up here.

But now? Now, Bix is mad, indescribably so.

She needs a casualty list. She wouldn’t need a casualty list if Timm had kept his fucking mouth shut. And why? Why had he opened it, why had he picked up a phone and called the guards? Because his fragile ego couldn’t handle the fact that Bix had friends who weren’t him.

If Cassian is dead, Bix is going to ensure that those rat bastard Morlanans pay for it. Because she cant make Timm pay for it, because Timm was an idiot who didn’t understand that corrupt cops with guns would put a hole in his chest for interfering.

Because Timm is dead. Isn’t that wonderful?

Force, why couldn’t Timm just leave it alone? He should’ve known. They had their rituals and warning bells for a reason, and he’d gone and called in their cause over petty jealousy.

A better person would grieve Timm, and Bix does, she does somewhere deep down, but she is also so, so mad at him.

She wasn’t his possession. She didn’t belong to him just because he took her out to dinner a few times, and slept with her in his bed. No, Bix is her own person, and she is allowed to have friends!

Timm had never liked Cassian. Bix had dismissed it as him distrusting Cassian due to his reputation for borrowing debts he couldn’t repay. But all along, Timm had seen him as a rival for Bix’s affections, and he’s paid for it with his life.

Timm really hadn’t got it, had he? Bix never paid attention to who his friends were, but Timm wasn’t a part of Ferrix the way Bix is.

He didn’t talk to the miners, he didn’t help with cover stories for entirely legal activities, he didn’t lie to the guards about what exactly was going on under the counter in the travel shop that wasn’t to be named.

Timm was so surprised when he died. Did he think the Morlana guards would hail him as a hero? That they would heap praise on his shoulders for turning in Cassian Andor, based on nothing but his home planet?

Oh, sure, Bix knows for a fact that Cassian killed two people. He told her and she believes him. And they must’ve been important for the guards to put out a warrant like that. Must’ve been important enough for an arrest on the word of a drunk man with a grudge.

But Bix kept her mouth shut. Bix is alive. Timm, and fuck knows who else, is dead because he opened his.

Timm should’ve stayed on Morlana. He shouldn’t have come to Ferrix in the first place, if he was going to act like nothing was different. Everything was different on Ferrix.

The man sitting opposite you on the tram is on his way to murder three people for his boss. The woman perched beside you is rifling through your satchel. But do you turn them in? No. You ignore the man, and you keep an eye on your bags.

The only use Ferrix Law Enforcement has is taking bribes and looking the other way. There are six people in the department, there’s a reason Morlana were the ones to try and arrest Cassian.

Why couldn’t Timm understand that the way Bix does? That you look out for yourself and your people, and if your neighbour says he was drinking Corellian whiskey at your house last night, you tell him he was so drunk he tried to dance on a table.

Ferrix doesn’t have money. It’s not a trade hub, it’s far from pretty, there are no important buildings or historical ruins to see. So they make their own money, and they carve out a place in the galaxy by sheer fucking stubbornness.

Bix gets up. She finds Grian. He tells her the toll. Maarva is banged up but alive. Cassian is gone, along with Bix’s contact. She can only pray that he’s safe. Knowing Luthen, he’s probably halfway to assassinating the Emperor, but she hopes he’s safe.

Timm is dead, but no one else important is. The dock workers tied a block to the guards’ transport and downed the whole thing. Cassian somehow managed to kill most of the rest of the guards with some good shots and an exploding speeder? She doesn’t want to know.

Timm is dead. Bix isn’t. So she picks herself up, opens the garage for business, and keeps her mouth shut.

Didn’t you know? Allun was so shitfaced during the raid, he slept in Kriger’s pig pen. The docks? No, he was fast asleep. What do you mean the guards ship was sabotaged? Couldn’t have been him. Hope they find whoever did it.

[wind-becomes-lightning]

“

He was so tired. All the time. He longed for deep sleep. He was no parent.

Sakumo couldn’t help but think that it might be better for Kakashi if his father wasn’t around. If Sakumo wasn’t there he would have the opportunity to start over again, be his own person. Clearly, people admired his intellect and skill, clearly they prefered to see him connected to his mother as opposed to his father. 

He still could enjoy his time with his son, out around the village or in the backyard of their way too big clan house, but the high from it only held on for so long. When Sakumo put Kakashi to bed and returned back to the darkness of the main living area, death was there again, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

Yes, Kakashi would be better off without Sakumo around. Yes, he was only making things unnecessarily hard for his son.

The world was damb and dark. The colours had faded. The sun didn’t warm his skin. Sakumo longed for relief, any relief.

Sometimes he hurt himself, just with the tip of the kunai on naked skin until it would draw blood. A countermeasure to the numbing of feelings on his inside, an outlet to let the pain drip away. He could watch the blood drip down his arm and it told him that he was still a living being, no matter what death told him. He wasn’t a walking corpse.

Injuries reminded him of a fight, it reminded him of battle. 

The habit would leave him with scars that he learned to hide well. Kakashi was smart, but still a child.

Sakumo liked the scars. Scars reminded him of his failure. Failure to protect, failure to save people he cared for. His friends, his colleagues, his wife - his son.”

For the DVD commentary! I know it’s dark. But it’s so beautifully written. This is one of my all time favorite pieces I’ve ever read.

thank you <3

this is from decay. also tw: self harm. I put my reply under cut

you are really asking for two things here, the top part which is Sakumo thinking Kakashi without him woudl have a better life and the bottom part that adresses the self harm thing. I'll answer both separately.

part 1:

I always thought that Sakumo must have felt like that, that he was a big walking bad luck charm. No matter what your hc for Kakashi's mother is, the fact is, she is not around when Kakashi is a kid, so she must have died, and we can assume that Sakumo suffered from it.

The failed mision, the fucked up reputation and then there is his son, the shining star that everyone talks about as such a genius. It's so easy to tell yourself that without you he would be free of baggage and able to fulfill his potential, that without you he could be have a happy childhood. It's a lie of course, but that is what death is there for. Its the little shadow following him around telling him lies, that monster that lives in your head when you lose sight of who you are.

It was also important to me to say yeah, he loves his son, he loves spending time with his son. He isn' egoistic about it (even tho he is!), he actually loves his son soo much, that he thinks he does him a favour. And he enjoys their time together, but it does not matter, because these things cant be saved by the smile and laughter of a child, you need a professional. Hatake Sakumo loved nothing as much as he loved his son and so he was willing to put himself out of the picture for his sake (which again, is a falsehood, but he can't really keep that apart.)

part 2:

I used to self harm for years and it was a hard struggle to stop doing it. This lower part you quoted is pretty much just my experiences written out. When I felt like i stopped existing, I called it something like a walking corpse in this fic, then I cut myself. Depression is on the inside, it is not something you can go to the hospital for and get a quick bandaid. People (including yourself) cant see it at all, but wounds, wounds exist. So seeing yourself bleed gives you a) an outlet to feel something- anything and b) something that actually marks you.

Sakumo of course here thinks about how scars stay and remind him of his struggle and yes that is me. Every summer my skin tans easily and I see the scars on my legs and they remind me of failure, because I knew cutting won't get me anywhere, it won't heal or save me, but I still did it. For years. I used to bandage them up and tell people I just hurt my arms or legs and thats that.

So yes, that part is pretty much just my memories projected on someone else. I think i cried writing this, because its very personal. But in this fic, and as well as in my real life, Sakumo and me we realise that there is more than just the grief. That there are people to care for and uh, yeah. Fuck all of that really.

a few months after my dad died i cut myself the last time and then I was like fuck this fuck this shit it wont make it go away, the pain will always be there. so i looked at myself and said "no more".

[babylotuseater]

I don’t know your dad or your sister or your exes. I just know you’re another white person pretending they’re only white passing so they can speak on our issues and then talk about white people as if you aren’t one of them and just as nasty. I also remember in high school you straight up would tell people you were part Mexican.

who is this? are you jacking off? are you Cuming right now? this has to be victoria because thats the clique i lasted in the longest. or this could be any random transphobe i dont remember. because i remember learning about white passing from tumblr back in them days and once or twice, i added it to my bio back when List Of Kins was the social standard. i felt weird as fuck about it then, but then i stopped talking about it for a long time. Talking as in online because i cant remember a god damn time i would ever do something like "im half mexican!" Ive joked in elementary school i thought i was cuz all my friends were but parents said they were surprised we came out pink and what else does that mean dumb ass kinfaker. i dont remember telling anyone about the flagpole. are you gonna dig up my pre-ana corpse? are you Cuming typing this, my comrade? Would you like to Cum on my cringe pre-ana corpse, to prove your point, that i cannot have a manifesto on my wordpress? thanks for being obsessed with my weiner, and my THONG.

I just realized for the cringe of posting a manifesto on my wordpress that no one will read, some bitches might just lie about me for fun cuz im too sexy now. can you click daily on arab.org

and shut up like can you care about something real instead of my sexy and relatable gay transgender stickers might even say communist but thats too offensive. i mean i pull up the screenshots of my old tumblr if you have the time and are that obsessed with me, but im going to keep finding better ways to talk about what "white passing" means

[mommalosthermind]

screaming into the void about insurance because Adulthood Is Evil and Capitalism is Fucking Violence and also so I don’t go set something on fire

Orthodontist: your middle kid needs braces, like. A lot. They’ve got a fuckton of spacing, the front teeth protrude, here’s a bunch of specific terms and shit meaning not getting braces is Probably A Bad Idea, the spacing between his teeth should guarantee him braces don’t worry about it

Welfare insurance: lol no he don’t. We’ve decided that he’s a 16 out of the 22 points you need to get braces. Sucks to be you.

Orthodontist: ….literally lie to them, tell them he’s being bullied, anything, this kid needs braces. Also hey if they tell you no we’ll take a whole thousand off the nearly ten grand we quoted that you have to pay in two years. Yeah, that’s gonna be like 4-500/month. For two years. Cant be helped. Oooh you have a third kid who probably also will need braces? You can’t afford this? Dunno what to tell you. Hope his teeth don’t twist and fall out.

Welfare insurance appeal exam: done by a man so old he looks like he’s already dead. Hands shake so bad he can’t open the package for the tongue depressor thing. Can’t fucking see despite glasses the thickness of a tree trunk. Is literally squinting. Claims that the kid’s spacing is an entire three! Millimeters! Smaller than the orthodontic office found! HAD TO ASK WHAT 8+7 WOULD ADD UP TO for the bullshit point system so I DEFINITELY fucking trust what he’s doing holy FUCK

Welfare insurance corpse: yeah no the kids definitely 100% needs braces, he absolutely requires braces, but just because he needs them doesn’t mean we’re gonna pay for them. We only do that if its so bad it count as a PHYSICAL DISABILITY because you are possibly MALNOURISHED due to how bad your teeth are. But like. He does totally need them.

Welfare insurance rep: so our guy says no. Your argument is?

Me: I dunno that fact that if I could afford this shit out of pocket I wouldn’t qualify for poor bitch insurance? The fact you literally just agreed that he needs them pretty badly? wtf am I supposed to do with this? Both specialists say he needs them??

Welfare corpse-puppet: try begging the church you belong to (??????what the fuck?????) for help. Otherwise, try again when his mouth is worse. Have a nice day.

Anyway I’m gonna dismantle this entire country with my bare fucking hands

[yumenosakiacademy]

what if I found every instance where I use a voca song in my fandom mixes (there aren't many instances, surprisingly) n drew the chara/ship as the song...

Edit: I've abandoned this idea BUT a comprehensive list-l of every time I've used a voca song in a chara/ship mix (2 my knowledge, as some vids r deleted on youtube esp any hana no yume uploads also this includes small/incomplete/abandoned mixes)

Torahime- Aishite, Aishitez Aishite + Love Is War

[Bad end] Ren dm/md- disappearance of h4tsune m1ku + love love nightmare

Amahiko- ifuudoudou

Fur1na- world is mine + rolling girl

Faust mh/yk- witch hunt

murr- Nyanyanyan + ten faced

mratyn- [some maid song tht I can't read the Kanji of]

crockercorp family- childish war + evil food eater Conchita + full course for candy addictz

komah1na- because because because... + childhood blues

Junko- [...2 many 2 list,,,]

hajime/izuru (not a ship I mean as a single person)- bougainvillea don't bloom

kaw0shin- ikanaide

nanami- here and there + anti-gravities

m1domika- lonely number + I'm glad ur evil too

eichi- candle queen

Andr0medako- abandoned Stella + winter Daphne + galaxy record

madara- it's Matsuri hey come on!

yuri ddIc- scissorsroid + rotten girl grotesque romance + happy days

shu- purgatory and the canary girl

[bad end] clear- story about a poor rabbit

clear- goodbye to a world + sad machine + moons

monika- carol + love love nightmare + rotten girl grotesque romance + cupid.exe

yuri (yar1bu)- francium

america- underdog supremacy

saku- carol

Masumi- carol

Fujisaki (yar1bu)- my R

oddballs- TORMENT + witch hunt

ramuda- stop nagging me!

makoto m1ta- evil food eater conchita

Midori- suicide song + po pi po

fauchereve- Aishite aishite aishite + appetite of a people pleaser + carol

2p engIand- carol + a lie and a stuffed animal

[REDACTED/CANT SAY]- hide and seek

poland- [some song I can't read the Kanji 4 but it's a v not well known song]

noecIaire- Moons

Lou1shin- Moons

gin- nyanyanyanya + wan wan o + ]song I can't read the Kanji of but uts not well known]

sky factory series- po pi po

sou yt/td- cause I'm a liar + liar dance + poker face + game of life + the chattering lack of common sense

faris- nyanyanyanya

Tsumugi DR- copycat + rip in the gossip sea + brain revolution girl + colorbars + broadcast illusion

birthday cake cookie- birthday song for miku

spider family- u r a useless child + honeyim home + mind brand [instrumental]

jyush1matsu- francium

Lawren- twilight homicide song

Anthony sh0re- drop pop candy

Mag1cal strike france- no thank u

Raphael a3- ikanaide

asmo- sweet devil

Chron0ir- I'm glad ur evil too

mayoi- suicide melody + rampaging lolitaholic

venticest- last words

hu ta0- corpse dance + hold rakshasa corpse

medao- ikanaide + Astral travel

Coco k1ryu- news 39

Pa1mon- poppin candy fever

cv-02- wan wan o

Misumi- nyanyanyanya

sora enstarz- yellow

Taichi- yellow

Aster- the vampire

n4tsume ryu- francium

thr girl n guy from cyberpunk anime- Moons

mayu slow dmg- yi er fanclub

Undertaker- hold rakshasa corpse

AIois- honey I'm home + tarantula + aishite aishite aishite

cIivejill- moons