#also don't think I didn't notice people ignoring the main Black character

[roachliquid]

Man. It really bites seeing Maximus (from the Fallout series) be so heavily overlooked by the fandom, when he is such a well-written character. Bar none, he's one of the best fictional examples I have ever seen of someone raised in a high-control group.

The Brotherhood of Steel, in their entirety, are given all the classic traits of a cult or HCG. They boast about having these grandiose ideals, all of which revolve around controlling other people's behavior. They use those same ideals to justify abusing lower-ranking members, implying all the while that it serves some greater good. And despite their supposedly rigorous beliefs, they're happy to turn a blind eye to unsanctioned abuse - because it serves the same purpose of keeping people "in their place".

Then we're introduced to Maximus - a young man who has made the mistake of taking those ideals seriously, but due to the environment he's been trapped in, was never taught how to act on them in a real and meaningful way. And in the process of figuring that out, he fucks up. (He fucks up a lot, because the Brotherhood wouldn't dare teach him anything that might help him function without their support.) But he genuinely wants to do the right thing, and we see that come through time and again as he slowly learns how to be his own person.

And yet, even with all that growth under his belt, getting away from the group isn't that simple. Because, like any high control group worth its salt, the Brotherhood doesn't want you to leave. Sure, they'll threaten to kick you out (or in this case, kill you) - because it keeps you in line. But they'd much rather have you under their thumb, so he still has to deal with the threat of getting sucked back in.

As a cult survivor, I rarely see people like me depicted accurately in the media. We're almost always either scheming sadists or helpless barefoot victims - you rarely see a nuanced depiction of how a regular person, with both good intentions and the skills needed to get away, can still end up trapped in that kind of group. Maximus is an incredible example of how that can play out, and I hope more people come to appreciate both him as a character and how well that dynamic was handled.

[jogetsobsessed]

Always an Angel - Paul Lahote

Ok, I've been obsessed with the lyric “Always an angel, never a god for a few days now. I don't know why all of a sudden but it's been all I can think about. I know there are a bunch of literal interpretations but I look at it as a version of “always the bridesmaid, never the bride”, always the side character, never the main character. So I hope this comes across how I want it to lol. 

Also, the timeline is kinda messed up in this, just live in ignorant bliss and ignore it pls, and thank you!

---------

Always the option, never the priority. 

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. 

Always the lover, never the loved. 

Always the fighter, never the fought for. 

Always an angel, never a god. 

------------

You were used to being sidelined, looked right through. 

No matter what you were doing, or who you were with, you were never the main focus. 

Growing up boys never spared you a glance, your best friends being the main targets for their glances and flirty remarks. You were never the one asked to dance, always the one asked to hold a friend's purse or bag. If the car was full on the way to get ice cream, you were always the one that was going to be left out. You never learned inside jokes and standing alone at parties, you didn't even know why you went, it's not like anyone would notice if you left anyway. 

At night when you would break and confide in the one person you knew truly loved you she would always question why you remained friends with the people that caused you so much pain. And through your blubbering, you would look at her like she was crazy. Explain to your mother that it must have been too long since she was a teenager. Because that's not how it works. Living in a small town the pool of potential friends is small, and having friends that treat you horribly is better than having no friends at all. 

You would apologize to her years later, after maturing, and realizing that the remarks you directed towards her were uncalled for. The anger you threw her way was misguided and unfair. She didn't deserve the way that you treated her. 

When Bella Swan moved to town you thought everything was going to change. She was from a big city, you didn't know much about Phoenix but you knew they probably didn't harbor the same small-town mindset that Forks did. 

She had no clue who you were. She didn't know the unspoken reputation that hung above your head like a storm cloud. 

And at first, you were right. 

The two of you became friends quickly, Bella taking a liking to your quiet demeanor, such a drastic change from Jessica and her goons. 

Your friendship appeared surface-level, to everyone but the two of you. In school, you both kept to yourselves and didn't talk much, even to each other. You would drag her along with you when you gathered the strength to hang out with your old friends. But you didn't do that often, seeing as they saw her as a shiny new toy and didn't treat her as a second-class citizen. 

But after school the two of you would talk, your friendship would come alive in the comfort of your own homes, and you two would look like actual teenage girls and not two seventeen-year-olds who should be on the highest dose of Lexapro. 

She was the first person that you saw as a true friend, that was until she committed, in your opinion, a cardinal sin. 

Bella had gone off the deep end and you hadn't seen her in days. But that was normal, she would spiral, skip school, and then show up as if nothing happened. So you weren't concerned, sent her a few texts checking up on her and getting one-word responses back. Then the following Monday came around. You were waiting by your truck, lazily twirling your hair, eyes glazed over as you dissociated waiting for the bell to ring. 

But amid your dissociation, you were pulled back to reality when a shiny black Volvo came to a screeching halt a row over. You knew who drove the expensive car so you tried to be as nonchalant as possible as you peered over your shoulder to get a good look at the owner. 

You wished you hadn't. 

Because getting out of the passenger seat was the person that you considered your best friend. Your best friend was sitting in the passenger seat of the car of the guy you had a crush on since he arrived at Forks High School. 

She knew about your long-standing crush on Edward, she was the only person other than your mother who you had told. It came tumbling off your tongue one late night about a month after she had arrived in town. And you had sworn her to secrecy, begging her to never tell another soul. 

But now it seemed to not matter, she had broken your trust and your heart. 

------------------

The next year drug on. With Bella being completely infatuated with Edward you were left to crawl back to your old friends. They accepted you with barely open arms, reluctantly saving you a seat at the lunch table, sometimes sending you the location for Friday night activities. 

When the Cullen clan abruptly left Forks Bella did to you exactly what you had done to your friends months earlier. Part of you didn't know why, but you let her back in, although this time keeping her at an arm's length away, never fully trusting her, 

Eventually, however, Edward came back. First making his appearance walking hand in hand with Bella in the dreadful hallways of Forks High School after she had disappeared yet again for a few days with not even a courtesy text. 

This time seeing them together didn't feel like a hot knife was piercing your skin. How could it, you no longer felt the same that you had for Edward. Because he had proven himself to be just like everyone else. He made you feel invisible. 

------------

The heat of late spring had arrived and you took in all the warmth that you could as you walked down the small rocky path to the mailbox. Graduation had come and gone and you found yourself in isolation. The people you had forced yourself to be friends with in high school no longer mattered. You didn't have to play the uncertain game of high school politics anymore. Starting university was on the horizon and while you dreaded leaving the comfort of home you were excited, this was going to be your chance to reinvent yourself. You were no longer going to be the person no one cared to look towards. 

Pulling out the various envelopes you felt your heart stop beating when the light lilac envelope was pulled to the front. You knew what it was, you didn't even have to open it. But you did, ripping it open, praying that you hadn't torn apart the coveted invitation. Sure enough in bold letters, you read “Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan request your presence…”. 

The phone call with Bella that night was awkward. You haven't talked much since graduation but she assured you that she wanted you to be at the wedding. You had wanted to push and ask her why she was rushing to get married. I mean you along with everyone else knew that they had only known each other for a year and hadn't been dating for the entirety of said year. But she sounded happy, the happiest she had ever seemed. So you didn't say anything, instead prying for details about the impending nuptials. 

-------------

Thousands of flowers cascaded down creating a custom perfume in the air. Your eyes darted between the bunches of wisteria and sweet peas and you were in awe. The wedding had snuck up on you. So much had happened over the summer leaving you feeling unprepared to start school in the fall. Leaving you to make one of the hardest choices that you had ever made, deferring your acceptance into your top school to the following fall quarter. 

So when you got a reminder on your phone that read “Bella and Edward wedding tmr” you were at a loss for words. I mean you had everything you physically needed, a dress, a present, the right pair of shoes. But you had forgotten one important thing, a date. 

It wasn't going to be the first time you had shown up to an event without one, but it was probably going to feel the most embarrassing. 

So here you were, standing next to your group of “friends'' from high school as they gossiped about the possibility of Bella being pregnant. “What do you think?”Erik asked you, giving your arm a soft nudge with his. “I don't know guys '. Jessica of course had a counter, pointing out that out of the group you were the closest with her. Luckily before you had to come up with an excuse of why you didn't know for certain the music began, signaling that it was time for everyone to turn their attention to the altar. 

A few tears managed to slip down your cheeks as you watched your sometimes best friend say “I do”. In that moment all the turbulent times the two of you experienced didn't matter. You were just happy to be in the presence of two people who were madly in love and confessing it to each other, permanently sealing their love with a dramatic kiss. 

The reception area was decorated equally as beautiful. You were grateful that Bella, or more likely Alice had set you close to the dance floor. That way you could watch people without feeling like a total loser, hanging out in the corner by yourself. At least this way you could still enjoy the happiness of the other guests without feeling the gross amount of body heat from the dancing bodies. 

The ice was melting quickly in your lemonade, the night had not been rewarded with a cool late summer breeze so you were appreciative of the cool drink. The night had seemingly been going according to plan. Your ‘friends’ had migrated to another table across the dance floor with the excuse of wanting to talk to some of the other guests, but they had not returned in almost two hours so you were holding your breath. 

Mentally you were planning your escape plan, glancing at your watch. Waiting for an acceptable time to leave, not too early into the night but not too late that you were leaving only minutes before the bride and groom's big exit. As you granted yourself yet another glance at the heirloom watch you wore and looked back up a gasp unwillingly left your lips. 

The mystery man, who looked almost familiar, chuckled at your surprised look. Confidently he took the empty seat next to yours, turning his body to give you his full attention. “May I help you”, you didn't recognize your own words, your tone was a bit rude and you didn't even give him a second to introduce himself after she sat. 

“I’m Paul Lahote”. 

Once he gave his name to you your eyes moved up to meet him and the electric shock that you felt in your veins almost felt real. There was no doubt blush forming on every inch of your face and you were praying that the low light of the Edison bulbs did a good job at protecting some of your dignity. You gave him your name, barely squeaking out your last name. 

Things like this didn't happen to you. A man that looked like him didn't talk to you. A part of you wondered if Jessica or someone like her had already turned him down, because let's face it, you were always the option but never the priority. 

“I think you should share a dance with me, no pretty girl like you should be sitting alone at a wedding”. The flare in your cheeks was visible now, you were sure of it. No matter how low the light was you could have sworn a red glow was emitting from your body, like an accusing halo. 

“Paul…you don't have to dance with me, I was just getting ready to leave”. Gathering your belongings as you begin to stand up. “No!”. He said, eyebrows raising to the top of his forehead once he realized how loud he exclaimed. Sheepishly he looked around offering small smiles as an apology to a few of the guests who looked at him like he had three heads. 

“Please, I noticed you when I walked in before the ceremony and I haven't been able to shake you from my eyeline all night. I don’t think I can take no for an answer”. 

The fact that your heart was still caged behind your chest was an act of god. Because at this point it should have flown away due to how hard it was beating. You were at a loss for words. The thought that someone was putting you first, taking interest in you was unbearable. And you were crumbling at his gaze. 

His outstretched hand found yours that you slowly had begun to uncurl from against your body. Swiftly he whisked you out onto the dance floor, pulling your body flush to his. 

Clumsily your feat matched his falling into routine with his steps, your body swaying in unison to the light melody. He hummed along softly to the quiet music as he kept a firm grip on you, almost like he was afraid to let you go. 

The song ended and awkwardly you looked around not knowing what to do. Paul however looked happy as can be, letting go of your hand but keeping the one on your lower back in place. He led you back to the table where you had spent most of the night, pulling out your chair before you could even react. You thanked him as you sunk into the back of the chair trying to ground yourself. 

“Man, I feel like the luckiest guy here at this whole damn wedding I got to dance with the prettiest guest of them all”. He said matter-of-factly triumphantly, taking a sip out of the glass he abandoned when he first approached your table. You scoffed, there was no way he was being for real, the alcohol had to have been getting to him now if he was saying such an untrue statement. 

“I think you've had enough”. Your voice was shy and your eyes barely peeked through your almost closed eyelids. The embarrassment you hadn't felt earlier had returned and you were suddenly hyper-conscious of everything happening around you. 

“Doll this stuff doesn't make me feel anything, you, however, are making me feel alive for the first time”. His drink was abandoned yet again as he scooted his chair closer, invading your bubble, and causing you to squirm under his gaze yet again. 

“Paul, I'm flattered but again I think your choices are impaired. There's no way you feel anything like that for me”. 

Paul was out of his chair before you could continue your babbling, cutting you off by capturing your lips in his. 

After he pulled back for air his forehead rested against yours, the two of you matching your breathing. You were yet again at a loss for words, kissing the hottest boy at your best friend's wedding was not on this year's bingo card. But as per usual it seems Paul had the perfect thing to say, “My angel forgive me if this is forward, but l you need to let me love you, I have a feeling that you're gonna be stuck with me for a long time”.

[arceespinkgun]

What do you think it is about Earthspark that makes it the target of more criticism than other media? I've only watched one episode myself

This is an interesting question... but a tough one to answer. I've wondered about why this is a lot. I think it might be that it's a show that centers people who are marginalized. Of course, there are people who are bigots and don't want marginalized people represented in a show in a positive light (e.g. all the reactionaries who threw a fit because Nightshade is a heroic non-binary transformer).

Then there are marginalized people watching the show who have super strong feelings about how every little thing is being depicted because they want to see themselves in media. Unfortunately, I've often noticed that people in this situation can get super attached to exactly how they want something to go in media even if it wouldn't be as good of a story, or get super anxious and or disappointed about the smallest details, and sometimes seem to have super bad faith takes out of fear. I've also often noticed that sometimes people forget that even people within the same group can have and enjoy different types of stories.

And then... okay, I feel like this take may be upsetting to some people, but I think it's part of what's happening and you asked, so... I'll say it. I think some people like to act like they want representation like the kind Earthspark has, but actually aren't interested in things like it or even potentially have some internalized biases they need to work through. And I think sometimes they would rather try to frame a show like Earthspark as somehow bad than admit they're just not into it and would rather have something else that might be way more problematic. I used to take people's opinions in good faith far more, but seeing how popular blatantly racist and sexist themes are in fanon, plus how so many people adore this upcoming film where it looks like there are only two major women who are pitted against each other, the comedic relief, bad guy, and guy who gave the heroes powers are voiced by Black people while the male and female leads are voiced by white people, there was that clip released of Bumblebee hitting on Elita-1 while she is irritated and ignores him... it's made me kinda cynical, I guess. Sometimes I even think it would be easy for people on here to not even realize Earthspark has real, actual positive queer representation in it, for example, but that this movie absolutely will not and the trailers and everything make it very clear it does not. Earthspark is a show with a very gender-balanced cast that is racially diverse, and it has themes of prison abolition and anti-colonialism, and to see it's attracted so much hate in contrast to literally every other piece of TF media bothers me.

Hey, was anyone in the Steven Universe fandom? Spoilers for that series below because I feel like how people reacted to that cartoon is so incredibly similar to how people reacted to Earthspark that I can't not mention it:

I saw all of SU as it came out but wasn't very aware of what fans thought of it. Eventually, though, I learned about how it had been relentlessly scrutinized in this exact same way and for I think similar reasons? A great example of how SU was treated by fans was that a huge number of them were infuriated when main character Steven didn't kill the authoritarian big bad villain White Diamond, but instead embarrassed her and convinced her to start to change her ways instead. Fans took this as him "forgiving" her and felt like the fact he hadn't just killed her was teaching kids imperialism is good... somehow. This became such a firestorm that the showrunner was asked about Steven forgiving her in interviews and had to literally say he had not, in fact, forgiven her... which was already obvious from the show!

Then the sequel series set after a timeskip came out. There, Steven reacts to all the trauma White Diamond had put him through by trying to murder her. He's horrified by this impulse in him and is full of self-hatred and feels like he's lost the innocence and goodness of his younger days for this and many other reasons, but eventually he gets help from his friends and family and starts working through his trauma. ...But this pissed off fans all over again because then they accused the show of saying "traumatized teenagers become murderers!" So they both wanted him to kill her... but also didn't want him to try and kill her?! And all I can think is that they wanted the villain to be killed by the hero, but in a way that was portrayed as an unequivocal moral good and not borne of trauma... even though part of what makes a villain is that they traumatize people. They just wanted punitive justice and hated seeing any alternative. It was so stupid and the show could never win. That's how people treat everything Earthspark does, too: "I think the show is too soft on Decepticons, no now it's not soft enough." "I wish there were Decepticon-aligned Terrans who actually fight their siblings, no, not like that." "This show taking a pro-immigration stance using Terrans as an example is somehow actually racist and anti-immigration."

[straighttohellbuddy]

so stay here, darling {Quackity}

Summary: Growing up, like many children your age, you had an imaginary friend. You met him in your dreams, you play together, and he grows up with you. Unlike many children your age, your imaginary friend never goes away. In which the boy you dream up somehow thinks he dreamed you up.

Need to Know: No pronouns used for reader. Dreamwalker AU. Reader & Q are the same age.

A/N: 3040 words. LOOK OUT HIGH CONCEPT BULLSHIT. saw a movie from 2001 about existentialism and dreams where the main guy reminded me of q, and so the writing demon decided i should write this. id love to know what you guys think of it because i wrote it in a fugue state and remember uh NONE OF IT byeeeee seriously is it good its 3am

Citrus Scale: 🧡 ORANGE 🧡

You don't remember when you started dreaming about the boy with the dark hair and dark eyes.

"Well does he have a name?" Whenever you tell anyone about him, this is always their first question, and every time you have to scrunch up your face and shake your head.

In the last dream you'd had, the two of you were on the beach that might have been from a memory, and he was more distinct than the hazy shape of whoever had brought you there. The two of you had been building a sandcastle taller than both of you, taller than any adult you knew; he was talking so much, and you liked hearing him talk. It didn't matter what his name was, you and the boy who kept showing up in your dreams had more fun things to do than worry about names.

Sometimes you catch yourself realising that you're dreaming while they're in progress; usually it's because you can't read the books you find, but sometimes it just clicks. You're dreaming. This isn't real.

"Hey, if this is dream, can I fly?" You ask him, and he looks back at you with surprise. Now that you've noticed, it's hard to ignore; the world is almost familiar, but more of a blur of colour than it ever is in life, like looking out of the window on a road trip. Squinting over his shoulder, you make the haze of colour take shape into a park with a jungle gym.

"This is a dream?" He's blurry at the edges, but still more in focus than anything else in the world. Slowly, he begins to drift, his feet lifting off the ground, and his expression turns panicked. Snatching his hand before he starts to flail, you concentrate as hard as you can to ground him; you hadn't meant to do that to him, even if he is just an imaginary friend.

It doesn't work; he holds your hand so tight you can feel it when you wake up. It had been so real...

You want to apologise, but you don't properly remember the incident the next time you see him. You also don't realise that it's a dream, you're just excited to see your friend and hear him talk about that time he almost flew away. What a story! He insists he can teach you, and in this dream, you're not aware that it's a dream, but it feels perfectly normal to hold his hand as you both wobble your way through the early stages of flight.

---

"You look sad."

"I think I'm meant to grow out of seeing you."

Silence.

"Now?"

"Maybe. Probably one day."

"I think I'm meant to too."

"I don't want you to."

"Me neither."

He takes your hand.

---

It's not a recurring dream as much as he's simply an occasionally recurring character in your dreams. However the occasional dreams don't stop, even though it's been years. Having an imaginary friend is less cute the older you get, so you stop telling people about him so much.

But more and more you find yourself looking forward to those dream, to seeing your friend -

"You should have a name," he tells you a few weeks out from your eleventh birthday. The two of you are traversing through crystal-filled caverns, pitch black if not for the faint glow that emanates from the two of you, naturally, since you'd drunk a potion of fireflies, and this was a dream.

"What do you mean I should have a name?" You laughed, "I have a name, you should know it," still not fully aware that this was a dream, part of you believes he knows it. He's part of you, you will understand when you wake up, of course he should know it, "if anyone should have a name it's you-"

When you finally dream of him again, he's eager to pick up where the two of you left off, needling you for your name, and though you're confused, you realise that your name turns cottony and mushy and forgettable in your mind and on your tongue. He tells you that that's foolish.

You wished the boys in your class smiled like him, or laughed like he did. His stories were more interesting, more engaging, and you're fascinated with how your mind has chosen to weave information you'd somehow caught, overheard, delivered back through him.

Of course you could only dream up the perfect boy.

---

Sometimes he's the one to let you know it's a dream.

You swear he's changed, gotten a bit taller, it's like he's grown up, you swear he used to look like a kid. Then again, so did you; you didn't realise dreams could grow up with you.

"Dreaming again," on top of an anime-looking school building, sitting on the edge with your legs dangling off the edge, he's looking at his watch.

"Dreaming again?" You ask, right as you realise the horizon is just an impressionist landscape painting of pastels. Showing you his watch, you see the way the digits move like liquid, unable to be read.

"Can't read digital clocks in a dream," he tells you matter-of-factly, "or fine print."

The print part of that you knew, but not the clocks... Surely you must have heard it somewhere, internalised it, and your dream was deciding to throw it at you. Surely.

---

When you're fourteen you dream of the airport lounge, and of him. This is one of those dreams that you fully believe, that you're unaware that it's a dream. Your plane is delayed and the two of you are sitting in beanbag chairs with clean, cool light streaming in through the large, glass windows several yards away. Somehow you both fit in the one beanbag chair, he's got his arm around you and is telling your about some videogame he's been playing with his brother.

This you already were aware of; somehow you were very good at keeping this figment's lore in order in your mind, even if the dream contexts always change.

"Toon Town?" You hear yourself ask, angling your face to look at him properly; his hand stills where he'd been tracing patterns on your arm. There's a look in his eyes that you'd seen in movies and TV shows and on some of your friend's faces now that they were starting to date. Oh, right, in this dream he's your gamer boyfriend, obviously.

"Like of course you remembered," he sounded a little flustered, a little giddy, "but I still love that you remember that kind of thing." It feels natural to lean in to kiss him, it all feels so real, so warm, his arm still around -

Your alarm goes off.

---

The Boy you dream of is fascinating and detailed and more alive than any character you've ever tried to come up with on purpose. Growing up with you, the lore your subconsciousness has given him has grown too, expanded to a family, friends you never see but know by name, and strangest of all, a fledgling attempt at being a YouTuber, not to mention a hundred amazing stories he insists he's taken part in.

He's not random like the rest of the dream; a million different universes and concepts get explored in your dreams, but who he is as a person never changes. He is who he is in space, under water, at the beach, in class, while flying, while fighting dragons and dinosaurs, while on a date at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party.

On the nights you dream of him, you resent your interrupting alarm.

You're assured that strange dreams are part of being a teenager, but you know you can never admit that your hormone-addled teenage brain has gotten further with your imaginary friend than anyone in real life. Teen magazines and health class say that's perfectly normal, but you're pretty sure they're talking about one-off dreams, not about recurring scenarios involving your imaginary friend from childhood whose now very much a teenager too in your mind.

No, that you'd be taking to your grave.

---

"Stop being watercolours for a second," you mumble with a soft smile, taking his face in your hands. He was still shifting and blurring at the edges in this dream, still looking like a painting. The watercolours shift to become rich, textured oil paints; you can't help but laugh. His smile lights up his face, and the paint shifts so he looks the closest to what you'd imagine him to look like as a real person.

"What are you doing?" He chuckled, pulling you into his lap. The world around you is a dark, rich blue. You're on The Simpson's couch at night, the TV playing behind you.

"Trying to memorise you," you tell him, running your thumbs along his cheeks, mapping his face with your fingers, gentle down the bridge of his nose, across his brow, along his cupid's bow, "I feel like I can never draw you like I see you here."

"You draw me?" There's something indescribably fond in his voice.

"In the margins of my notes," you admit, "in class... I wish..." you were real, but you trail off. His expression is warm and soft; you're holding his face again.

"Can't use watercolours in your class notes?" He teases, "I totally bet you could." It takes your mind off of your yearning, however, and you regard him with amusement.

"What am I?"

"What?"

"Right now, I'm not trying to be anything; am I watercolours?"

"A really hot Etch-A-Sketch," to which you both break down in laughter.

---

"What's it like being a character in someone's dream?"

"Why are you asking me that?

----

How strange it is to hear him talk about wanting to be a lawyer. You can't remember having a strong urge to become a lawyer; you wonder what part of your subconscious this was pulled from. Still, you encourage him, tell him you're excited for him.

There's something in the shaky breath he lets out when you hug him that surprises you. Why would he be worried about your reaction? The dreams you share are ones where you're in love more often than not now, he knows you love him, you support him, right?

"I love you, you'll be great!" You tell him earnestly, but as he pulls back his expression is drawn.

"I'm too old for this; it's not real."

The tears that burn your eyes feel all too real too.

"Isn't that part of it, that it's okay, that it's escapism, because it's not real?" You tried reasoning with this part of your mind that's grown cool to you without warning. Is this what you truly fear deep down, is this what you're too afraid to acknowledge consciously in any other way?

"There's something wrong with me! Being in love with a part of me that isn't even real," he says through clenched teeth, voicing every fear you dare not speak, even to yourself, "I feel... wrong thinking that my real experiences don't live up to my fucking dreams!" It looks like it hurts him to say, but god it hurts to hear. You crumple, crying softly as this quickly became a nightmare, "this isn't real! This isn't fucking real!" Like he was trying to convince himself. The alarm couldn't come soon enough.

---

It starts in the middle of domestic bliss, his head in your lap without any set up. For a long moment he gazes up at you as you stroke his hair, before your last interaction came crashing down on you both.

He closed his eyes, you looked away, to the endless blue sea stretching out around you. But he doesn't get up, and you don't stop running your fingers through his hair.

"You'll find someone who isn't me," you tell him softly, assuringly, "someone as good as, someone better."

"Someone real."

I know, you silently resign to yourself, I need to find someone real.

---

"Fuck I wish this was real."

"I thought we agreed that it's better that it's not."

"But you look so good."

"I was stressing about this outfit... so thanks."

"Can you wear it more often?"

"That sounds like a slippery slope for us both."

"It is."

But you're both grinning as he pulls you in for a kiss. For tonight, you decide it doesn't matter.

---

One of your friends seems really eager to invite you to VidCon, and you suppose you liked YouTubers well enough to go. Some little voice in the back of your mind reminds you that you invented your favourite YouTuber back when you were a kid. Something like wishful thinking, you've always told yourself -

You'd dreamt about a plane the other night, he'd said the seats in the dream were far more comfortable than the actual plane seats. Said he was on his way to VidCon himself, maybe that's why you're so quick to say yes to your friend's offer. It had been a sign; part of you wanted you to be there, the part that spoke through him.

When you dream of him next it's the night before the convention, and you're aware that it's a dream. He says he's stressed as the two of you float over the convention centre; his outfit keeps changing and shifting, and you know you're stressing over what to wear tomorrow in your own way. When you tell him that it's going to be okay, that you'll be there, he gives a strange little smile, as if to say obviously.

You both think you know what the other means.

You are both wrong.

---

It's loud and overwhelming and you realise you may have made a mistake when you're half an hour into a line for a guy you've never heard of. The YouTuber you dream about isn't fucking real, you shouldn't be here -

"I thought you'd be more excited to meet Q," your friend seems confused at your quickly souring mood as the line progresses at a snail's pace, "I only got us in this cue for you to meet him."

"Who?"

"Q?" Your friend frowns, "Quackity; the guy you've been obsessed with for as long as I've known you," she half laughed, "you've been drawing him all over your shit since high school."

There's a nausea building slowly in your gut as you hear her speak.

"I don't... I don't know who you're talking about."

"Are you being serious right now?" She frowned, "like you draw his beanies and caps and hoodies and everything, I only found out about him like a year ago but I recognised him from your math notes... You really don't know him?"

Perhaps this is why your imaginary friend pushed you to come here. This was the reason, even if you weren't consciously aware of it.

Except your friend in the line beside you opens up Instagram and shows you a photo that makes your blood turn to ice. The resemblance went beyond uncanny. You think you might be sick.

How? Why? Had you met him as a child and just kept dreaming of him? What the hell was happening? The line was moving and you let it carry you forward.

Your imaginary friend. You imaginary boyfriend. The boy you've dreamt of your entire life. Your first... everything, and absolutely nothing at the same time. YouTuber. Aspiring Lawyer. The person you felt hopeless for falling in love with.

You feel faint. Your friend looks worried, she keeps asking if you're okay. Telling her you are, you try and tell yourself it's just the scariest coincidence in the world. Still, you have to meet him.

When you get to the front of the line, you watch him chatter and laugh with the excited teenagers at his table, and oh god, you know his voice, his smile, his laugh -

"Seriously, are you okay?" Your friend in your ear.

"I'm good," you tell her, swallowing hard as you raised your voice enough to make sure he'd hear, while still acting as though you were talking to her, "I said I'd be here."

Turning to him, you see he's half standing, eyes wide, dark as you've always known them to be. He looks incredulous. He looks like he's going through the same kind of overwhelming realisation you'd gone through five minutes ago.

"You're Quackity," you say with a fond smile.

He takes a startled breath, coming back to the moment, beginning to beam.

"This is going to sound batshit insane," he began hesitantly, though your smile is already widening in anticipation, "but has anyone ever told you that you'd make, like, a really hot Etch-A-Sketch?"

Ignoring your friends utter bewilderment, you burst out laughing, relief flooding through you as you nodded emphatically twice.

"Twice, actually," you snorted.

"Was it twice?" He tipped his head to the side, and you gave a wide smile.

"Second time was in that really bright toy shop, the one with the -"

"Giant Buzz Lightyears?" He filled in sagely, suddenly remembering, and you both quickly shuddered, recalling the nightmare.

"What the fuck is happening right now?" Your friend asked, deeply confused by the whole interaction, "I thought you didn't know him."

"It's... unbelievably complicated," you told her with an air of apology, which only left her seeming miffed. As you turned your attention away for the moment, however, Quackity was ushering over one of the convention volunteers who had been hovering around, witnessing the bizarre event.

For a moment, out of the corner of your eye, you catch him checking his watch; your smile widens at the action, the way he's making sure it's real like you'd seen him do countless times in dreams. This time is different. This time is better.

"I'm sorry," you finally hear him say, addressing you with a breathless kind of laugh, "I never caught your name."

You'd always assumed he'd known it. You'd assumed he wasn't real. You assumed you'd made up his smile, his laughter, his warmth, his joy.

You could stop wishing for someone real to love the way you loved him.

"Y/N," you tell him, and are met with the smile you'd dreamt about for as long as you can remember, "my name's Y/N."

[simpforchuchu]

Betrayal | Fujio x reader

a/n: Hi, if you like it there is gonna be second part dont worry :’)

Sorry for the grammer or spelling mistakes.English is not my main language so...

Thank you and love you 🥰

Warnings: usual hnl warnings

Part2

The young girl, unaware of the person watching her, counted the money she received and watched the person she met leave. After making sure that the money was the right amount, she put it in her pocket and sighed.

“Fujio! I know you are there. You can get out!”

The young girl knew from the very beginning that Fujio was watching her from behind the wall. She just thought it would be more fun if she didn't say anything.

Y/n collected information for Sword gangs and schools. She sold this information to the leaders of the schools for money. That's why she was such a popular girl. Her slightly cocky and self-assured demeanor and bold character made her more interesting. She was pretty too, but she usually wore shabby outfits so no one would notice her.

Fujio came out from behind the wall where he was hiding, scratching his neck and smiling, and stepped towards the girl who was grinning at him.

“Y/n-chan! What a nice surprise!”

Y/n rolled her eyes, then shook her head with a smile.

"May I ask why you're spying on me?"

Fujio smiled like a mischievous child. He replied, referring to the person the girl had met.

“I don't like that boy. I had a bad feeling. I wanted to be sure you were safe.”

Hearing the same explanation again, the young girl smiled and shook her head.

Y/n and Fujio had met a long time ago. Even though Y/n did this in anonymity back then, she was quite brave now. They met again after Fujio became Oya's leader. And everyone was sure that Fujio had a crush on y/n.

“You know I can protect myself, if anyone sees you spying on me, people's trust in me will be damaged.” She said smiling. Fujio slowly nodded and gave a small apology.

They were walking to Oya high school together, unaware of those watching them. This time they were truly unaware.

“I heard somethings in other schools these days. I don't have clear information yet, but I suggest you act cautiously."

Fujio stopped his steps, turned to the young girl, and grinned at y/n,

“Are you worried about me y/n-chan?”

Y/n smiled and brought her face closer to Fujio's. Both were smiling at each other. The young girl suddenly hit Fujio's leg hard, and Fujio started jumping in pain in his place.

“What was that for now!?”

“Be serious Fujio, something is not right. You should be more careful.”

Fujio stopped when he saw the seriousness on the young girl's face. Y/n would only be this serious when she felt something wrong. And her feelings were quite strong. However, he decided to think about it later, he didn't want to talk about it right now.

“I guess you're not making good money these days y/n. You're pretty nervous"

Y/n laughed and shook her head at what Fujio said while laughing

“I still have a lot more money than you Fujio”

Fujio shrugged and grinned as the young girl said with a smile.

“Then you are buying the ramens y/n”

***

Y/n nervously descended the stairs of the place where she was told. She had known for some time that something big was going on, and she was going to find out what was going on today. She had a bad feeling and did not trust Saboten at all.

She was quite surprised when she entered the place. Kamasaka and Ebara were also here. She looked at the black-haired and blond-haired boy sitting across from the Saboten. There was a strange atmosphere. When her gaze met with Reiji Himuro, the young boy offered a sly grin and nodded. Y/n slightly nodded her head and sat down opposite the Saboten, ignoring Ebara's leader Shoji, who was looking at her seriously on the sidelines.

The young girl was not afraid. One wrong move, she knew everyone here was pretty dangerous. But she was not afraid. Because she knew they needed her.

Saboten talked for a while—without giving too much detail- He told her that she could get the money she wanted, he just wanted her to tell him what she knew about Oya, where they were hanging out.

Y/n crossed her legs and leaned back after listening to the boy across from her. She asked with a smile,

“I think it will be a big job.”

Kohei was watching the young girl intently, he smiled at what she said and stood up. He stood in front of the table and looked at the young girl.

“Amagai, Kohei Amagai. I am the leader of Senomon."

Y/n slowly stood up,

“You can call me y/n, but I guess you already know.”

Kohei smiled and nodded,

“You're pretty popular y/n-chan. You are good at your job and I always work with the best.”

Y/n was sure that the young boy was not such a kind and nice person. She didn't know him, but she knew the rumors about him. She was sure he was trying to impress her because she was just a girl now and he needed her.

Y/n smiled and looked confidently into the blonde boy's eyes.

“You want everything from me about Fujio Hanaoka, right?”

Kohei nodded, Ryo and everyone in the room were watching the duo carefully.

“Okay, Amagai-kun. I collect information about schools in this area. I work with informants. I even know secrets that no one knows. And I'm doing it for the money."

Kohei was pretty sure that the young girl would accept his offer.

“But Oya High is different. Fujio is someone I wouldn't betray for money. So I have to turn down your offer.”

Y/n didn't know about Kohei's plan, but she was sure that something bad would happen. Besides, she didn't like this smug bastard. Still, she wanted to leave without any problems when there were disgusting people like Kamasaka leaders in the room.

Kohei smiled and took a step closer. Shoji and Ryo watched them with full attention. Reiji was quite pleased with the daring demeanor of the young girl.

“I guess I didn't explain myself well y/n. It's not a request, if you think you have another chance, you're wrong.”

Y/n wiped the smile off her face and looked seriously at the Senomon leader.

"What will you do? I guess you forget that I have some pretty strong friends.”

Kohei smiled and opened the small knife in his pocket and held it to her throat. Y/n was looking seriously at the blonde leader as everyone looked at him in surprise.

Kohei knew that the young girl was not afraid, although she would never show it. But he had a better plan.

“You have stupid guts don't you y/n-chan? You didn't even startle." Shoji was watching the expression on the young girl's face, unchanging, not even blinking.

“How would your poor mother feel if she found out that you were making money for her meds with your stupid guts?”

The expression on Y/n's face changed for the first time, it was the first time she was looking so different. It wasn't fear, it was more like anxiety.

"You…"

Everyone in the room held their breath.

“I know you need money. If you give me what I want, I will pay for all of your mother's treatment."

Kohei smiled as Y/n glared at him.

"Come on! Don't hate me so much. I'm giving you a great offer."

She didn't even care about the knife pressed to her throat. But this…

"I don't want it, I don't need your money."

Kohei smiled and pulled the knife from the young girl's throat. He folded it and put it in his pocket. He shook his head slowly and suddenly wrapped his fingers around the young girl's throat.

Ryo nervously stood up but didn't do anything.

“Then let me tell you y/n-chan. If I don't get what I want, I'll make sure no doctor is taking care of your mother. And rest assured, it won't even take me 5 minutes to do it."

Y/n had a scared expression on her face for the first time. For the first time, the expression on her face had changed. And it was certainly not because of her throat squeezing.

There was silence for a while. Y/n thought about her mother for a while. Then Fujio. She knew he would hate her. Fujio liked her. But there was something else that nobody knew, y/n liked him too.

But it was her mother that was in question, even though y/n knew she would lose Fujio forever, she had to do it.

The young girl slowly lowered her head and spoke in a low voice.

“Okay…I will accept…”

Kohei asked with a smile.

"I can not hear you."

Y/n angrily raised her head and looked into the young boy's eyes.

"I said fine, I'll tell you everything I know."

***

Regret is a very heavy feeling. But regret for betraying someone… Y/n hasn't spoken to anyone since then. As Amagai said, he deposited a large amount of money in her account and she took her mother to the hospital that night. But while she stayed with her mother in the hospital, she continued to get news about everything.

Oya was seriously attacked. Tsukasa had been kidnapped. Most of the students were seriously injured. All of them were caught off-guard, unexpectedly. And what y/n said played a big part in this attack...

Y/n had also seen Housen’s Shidaken when she was leaving that day. She just nodded and quickly walked away. But she didn't know that they were going to put Shidaken in the hospital right after she left, and even though it wasn't her fault, she was now blaming herself for everything.

She didn't know what situation Fujio was in. She hadn't seen him for a week. She hadn't asked anything about him, she just knew that he had won the fight and was in good physical shape.

She was walking home to buy clean laundry for her mother. She hadn't smoked in a long time, but for the past week she had been finishing up almost a pack a day. Seeing that there were no cigarettes left in her pack, she angrily squeezed the pack in her hand, crushed it, and slipped it into her pocket. After she turned the corner, she took a few more steps and she met the person she was afraid to see.

Fujio was also surprised to see her. But the confused expression on his face changed within seconds. There was an expression on his face that she could not understand. Hate ? Disappointment ? Sadness? Y/n didn't know what it was, but she was sure she hated seeing it.

They looked at each other for a few minutes.The distance between them was not too long, neither of them said anything. Y/n was unresponsive, trying hard to hide her facial expressions.

Fujio and Todoroki were walking over to Tsukasa’s home. Todoroki only knew y/n by name, but he doesnt have to be genius to understand from Fujio's reaction that it was her.

Y/n slowly started to pace, walking past Fujio without saying a word. But after a few steps, Fujio called out.

“Aren't you going to say something? Anything ?”

Y/n listened to Fujio without turning around. His voice was quite broken, it hurt her heart.

“Why y/n? I just want to know why. Weren't we friends?"

Y/n stood silently. She just stood there.She couldnt even move.

“Did he threaten you? Shidaken told me he saw you with them that day. Did they do something to you? Look, if that's how…”

Fujio believed that y/n had a reason. He didn't want to admit that she had betrayed him. But the young girl's silence proved that everything was true. This angered Fujio even more. And his tone changed.

“So it was true… you really did.”

Y/n felt nauseous, there was a pain in his chest.

"You did it for the money, didn't you?"

Wasn't it true? Why did that word hurt so much?

“You betrayed me for money. Do you know how many people were injured? What did they do to Tsukasa?"

When Y/n didn't answer, Fujio couldn't take it anymore and shouted.

"Damn it! Say something, now! Come on say ‘I didn't! You're wrong’ Say something y/n! Arent you gonna even defend yourself? ”

Y/n couldn't take it anymore and turned to Fujio with cold stares. Fujio was a little taken aback by the young girl's seriousness.

“What do you expect me to say, Fujio? You want me to say no it wasnt like this?"

Fujio gulped, waiting for her to regret, an apology. He knew that if she apologized, he would forgive her.

“What you heard is true. Yes, I did it for the money. Yes, I told them what I know.” Y/n sighed, her expression was so cold and confident that Fujio was watching her in surprise. Didn't he know her at all? “Why are you surprised Fujio? Haven't I earned my whole life like this? For years I've been selling information for money, selling people. Yes I betrayed you… But… What separates you from them?”

Fujio wanted to cry at the last sentence he heard. He was offended, broken, sad but now he was even more angry. He clenched his fist to stay calm. Todoroki was watching the two of them right behind Fujio. Even though he didn't know the young girl, he was sure that something was wrong. Fujio was only looking at her face, but the young girl was tense all over her body.

Fujio smiled and shook his head. He looked into Y/n's eyes and calmly replied.

“I don't blame you y/n. It was my fault for trusting you."

Fujio turned around and left without saying anything. Todoroki looked at the young girl once more and followed Fujio.

Y/n did not react. She couldn't. She knew she had lost him forever, and it was all her fault…

HnL taglist : @straysugzhpe @tiddly-winx @satraninalane @thatpoindexterpixy

[lunarriviera]

another thrilling spirealm update

henlo my friends yes it's that time once again where i tell you what is happening on the bizarrely named drama "the spirealm," i am at episode 25 having shotgunned it all weekend and i have thoughts, opinions, and a gabillion screencaps of ruan nanzhu looking stricken, i finally had to stop taking them because he has the exact same face of devastated yearning in all of them and i was filling up my cloud drive. spoilers ahoy! [parts one and two are here if you even care]

as just mentioned, ruan nanzhu spends his time looking either 1) icily indifferent (when people who aren't qiushi are talking to him and/or dying in front of him, to his vast annoyance) or 2) torn asunder by pangs of desire (whenever he's staring at qiushi, who's babbling obliviously about science or clues or absolutely nothing of any importance whatsoever). here is a representative screencap but he has this look on his face pretty much continually, like he's just been hit by a car. a car of love.

it makes me put my head in my hands and scream quietly, i haven't seen a BL actor who understood the assignment this well since zhang xincheng or maybe even z1l. (who all clearly not only read the novel but underlined it, highlighted it, and stuck in colored post-it notes.) when not busy with adoration, he swans around being magnificent in a frockcoat like he's edward rochester, while lin qiushi trails behind him wearing a fit he got out of the goodwill box in his college dorm.

in spite of being besties with a literal fashion icon, at no point does it ever seem to occur to lingling "hm maybe i should dress a bit more formally for my imminent demise inside the doors"—no, instead he proudly wears his ratty sweatshirt with holes in it. which i sort of think might belong to huang junjie. idk maybe qiushi trusts it, and feels safe in it, hey look at that i made it sad.

massive power couple energy. also notice how their outfits are exact black-and-white negatives of each other, the harper's bazaar wedding photoshoot would have been so goddamn lit.

taking a brief moment for a shoutout to this guy. chen fei i don't even know what your fate will be but i already know you deserved better. not only do you patch everyone up with your veterinary knowledge, but i have seen your unrequited love. it did not go unobserved. you would have been a great partner, you're unimpressed by everything and drink your soy milk with chilling apathy. i'm real sorry the theatre gay didn't love you back. you're too similar i guess.

back to lin qiushi who has the worst case of main character energy since harry freaking potter. somehow the game is about him??? he has trauma??? none of this was in the novel and i'm just pretending it's not happening until it becomes impossible to ignore. in the meantime he continues to sympathize with door ghosts because he's just that nice of a guy. (EXCEPTION: nanzhu literally murdered two competitors bc they threatened his darling, and lin qiushi helped him cover it up. i was appalled for like 5 minutes then i shrugged. it's a cutthroat game, the doors change people. also it's like captain mal used to say: if someone tries to kill you, you kill 'em right back.) i have big Theories about what is fixing to happen but for now i will end by relating that lin qiushi has gone into a door alone, because he wants to butch up and be a better partner for ruan nanzhu. and that would be a great idea and super helpful except that nanzhu IMMEDIATELY WENT OUT OF HIS MIND WITH BLIND TERROR. outwardly of course he gives no signs of this (other than hiring someone to protect his fragile boyfriend, which, if lingling figures this out, ruan nanzhu will be sleeping on the sofa forever).

here he is pushing food around his plate miserably at lingling's funeral pre-solo-door party. everyone is having such a fun time.

and here he is standing in front of the door waiting like a dumb wounded animal. i have a feeling if lin qiushi doesn't emerge at 15 minutes on the dot, nanzhu will simply expire on the spot, like a wolf separated from its mate. maybe that's the end of the spirealm JUST KIDDING, we still haven't gotten to the part where they're on either side of a different door wailing at each other. i really need lin qiushi to stop being such a cheery equanimous little frat boy and START SUFFERING, can we get some mutual pining up in this bitch. (also i need his hair to change in the traditional BL post-wedding hairstyle alteration because i can't remember at this point if huang junjie even HAS a forehead under that vast curtain of bangs)

to sum up, we've had a) sexy handfeeding of lychees b) tender cat fur removal from face and c) stalking your pretty boyfriend aggressively against the wall so you can…offer him a packet of disinfectant. in the novel of course nanzhu bites him and yes xia zhiguang absolutely knows that's what he's supposed to be doing here, we love to see it.

oh and also d) "i'll protect you. i'll protect you forever."

SOON: THE THRILLING CONCLUSION. IT'LL BE SO FUCKING SAD. PS unrelated to any of this but the OST SLAPS and i sing along every time now, that opening song is an unskippable cut scene of a banger

PS gonna be sad when [redacted] dies, he's a real card. and that other person dies too. and that third person. shit it's about to get messy

[bestialitybestiary]

My opinion on Scott that nobody asked for:

I think he was cursed by writers, I think he was inconsistently written because he's the protagonist, the main character. They focused on him looking cool and being the main guy of the show which, paradoxically, made him more shallow than the others. They were so focused on how Scott is the good guy that they didn't notice/forgot he fucks up from time to time and should be called out about it. And it may have been not such a great choice to give Scott cute romance plot all the time next to the more and more serious drama, because it made him look irresponsible or ignorant (but maybe that's just me hating fun XD)

Sometimes Scott is a black and white guy, but other times he wants to give people a second chance and agrees to work with his enemies. Sometimes he cares about other's feelings, but other times he doesn't think about other's perspective. I don't have a problem with Scott being lost, trying to find his way. It's ok that he tries to find the best solution without killing, it makes sense, he tries to break this cycle of violence which is a risky move. Not wanting your friends to kill people may be naive, but also, those are kids and murder isn't something you can just brush off, it changes you. He tries to stop them from loosing themselves, not to judge them. Scott, at least since 3A, wasn't a judging guy. He thought their methods should be different, that they shouldn't give on trying to find other way, for everyone's sake! I'm not saying he's perfect, because he's not, and I just don't like it when he's treated as some morally pure guy by the fandom or just the show itself. He's not. He's just less pessimistic, less experienced than most of the characters. His new perspective can be refreshing or dangerously naive, depending on situation.

Idk, I feel like he's hated so much for things that are just kid stuff. He didn't have as rough life as Stiles, Derek or Malia. He's a normal 16yo boy, who never had to think "is murder always a bad thing?". He was just a boy, who was suddenly thrown into this brutal supernatural world where people were killing each other like it's nothing! Stiles knew life was hard, knew grief. Of course he was more mature and sceptical here!

But also, Tyler is great as a goofy, silly teenager, but not so great at serious scenes imo (at least from what we saw in tw, at least not as good as Dylan or Crystal).

[destinyc1020]

This is going to be a sunday confession, but a lot of anons need to learn to ignore or stay silent if you can't add anything intelligent to the conversation. This is regarding that last anon of your who blamed Francessa for speaking her truth and assuming it was Tom shade lol. Some of you guys lack serious reading comprehension cause coming to that conclusion was dumb asf sorry.

The problem was that Francessa was interviewed by a theatre magazine, the stage, about her most recent nomination and her experience doing the show for 4 months whilst dealing with her mental health due to racial abuse online and death threats sent to the theatre.

"Amewudah-Rivers said the harassment also affected her family and friends, as well as the show’s cast, crew and producers at the Jamie Lloyd Company, who condemned the initial abuse in a statement on social media at the time and said further harassment would be reported."

This was a quote from that interview that so many of you ignored because most of you guys just skim articles. Where is she blaming Tom solely? She never mentioned his name.

She has every right to speak on that because it's a failure of the British theatre industry as that's where her most prominent work is noticed. She's not a film actor or a tv actor. She's an Oxford graduate who does music and acts. She's multitalend and still was dealing with the ramifications of that whole ordeal. She says that the pastoral care for her and potential future black actors isn't good enough. She's right.

The problem with stans sometimes is they can't handle criticism of their fav cause they take it personally. This isn't black or white. Critique on Tom doesn't mean he's a bad person, but considering that the main reason her casting received so much backlash was indirectly Tom's fame fault. It's like that time ppl were critiquing Z's not working with black directors or male actors. Does that mean ppl hate her? No.

"He shut down inquiries about Francesca Amewudah-Rivers, who has been subjected to what he calls “deplorable” attacks online decrying her casting as Juliet opposite Tom Holland’s Romeo. “Everyone is focusing on the work. That’s how you win in the face of the people who hate. You focus on the work and I can’t wait for the world to see this exceptional cast and the amazing performance that Francesca is creating. The mood in the room is creative and compelling,”"

This was from April at an awards show that Jamie was present for his last show with Nicole. He, as the head of his company, spoke to the press and pretty much explained that the cast were to put all the hate into the work as opposed to speaking out. As a man, that's a typical response to put it all in the work. However, I don't think he realised that ppl were angry at the cast, specifically Tom, for staying silent. His silence was different because he spoke in Francessa's Vogue interview and still posted his charities. I think ppl expected Tom to denounce the hate in a performative way, but as we've seen, even with ppl calling him a 30+ washed-up actor, he never speaks up against hate. That's his conscious choice to make, but morally, ppl have their right to not agree with that mentality. It's a very British thing to do icl, to keep calm and carry on.

This is bigger than Francesca, so many black women, dark skinned specifically, that don't fit the standard that Hollywood pits out, are subjected to so much hate. Not only just black, Simone Ashley of Bridgerton received so much hate as well when she was cast. It's a failure of the companies that cast them for not even thinking of the possibilities that racism is so rampant, especially these past few years, and adding that Elon allows such bigotry on his app, it's beyond ppl saying Tom is a coward, I'm sorry. Of course, I didn't like commentary from ppl who already have biases against Tom or even from ppl whondknt even know Francessa's name or have even seen the play, but ppl are allowed to speak. I just hope it leads to bigger things for her.

Okay, rant over!!!!

**You might want to take a seat because this is going to be long**

Thank you, Anon for your thoughts and feelings on the whole Francesca article. 😔

I think your thoughts were genuine, and balanced, and showed the bigger picture in what is going on.

I totally agree with you too that sometimes, "speaking out" just isn't really smthg that Tom does. Like you said, he doesn't even respond when people are giving him hate or are bashing him online. (Which is probably smart) He just lets his work speak for itself! 🤷🏾‍♀️

I can understand the frustration however by fans who wanted Tom, or, more specifically, Jamie's Theater company to do more in protecting Fran. I think I told myself that it didn't matter whether anyone was publicly defending Fran, as long as SHE felt happy and supported by the cast behind the scenes, that this was all that really mattered. I think we all told ourselves that she was being upbuilt and protected during this whole entire process.... So, to hear her say otherwise kind of paints a very different picture of what her experience may have been during this play. And it makes me sad. 😔

I now think back to anons in my inbox making a big deal about her and Tom not hugging each other anymore after more and more shows, and at the time, I just brushed it aside, but now I wonder. 🤔

I'm now looking back as well to how many "sick days" she took, and how many times she needed her understudy to step in for her, and after reading her interview, I'm now strongly suspecting that she wasn't really physically "sick" during those times. I'm thinking those were times when she mentally and emotionally just couldn't handle going out there on stage another day, another night.... 😢

It really hurts my heart that while the play was probably something Tom thoroughly enjoyed doing, and will no doubt boost his career, his costar, on the other hand, was suffering so much. 😔

At the same time, I don't think it was Tom's fault at all. Yes, she probably received a lot of hate because Tom is very popular, and so the play garnered a LOT of attention. But at the same time, he was just an actor who was cast in the lead role. I don't think ANY of them suspected that she would get so much hate.

I also (sad to say) don't feel that it was JUST because Francesca is Black that she was subjected to so much hate. Don't get me wrong, it was part of the Venn Diagram of reasons, but I don't think it was the ONLY reason.

I feel that colorism played a role, and most importantly, LOOKISM.

I feel that she also received hate because she didn't fit the "look" or level of attractiveness on the attractiveness scale that some (even some Black people 🥴) felt she should have had playing someone like Juliet.

As we've noted, Francesca isn't the first Black actress to play Juliet on the stage opposite a White male counterpart. Condola Rashad (Phylicia Rashad's daughter) played opposite Orlando Bloom in the role years ago. While I'm sure she also had her fair share of hate, I'm not sure it got to this level that Francesca had.

My heart goes out to Fran. It really does. 😔 I do hope that when our Black actresses, or even our Black male actors, are cast in roles, the fellow cast members and director will rally around to protect them.

Actor John Boyega has repeatedly talked about the racist hate that he received while filming the "Star Wars" franchise films, and he absolutely did not feel like he was protected either. 😔 John has always been very vocal about LucasFilms and the studios and the hate he received for playing Finn by racist SW fanboys. He also admits to being upset with how his character arc was basically relegated to a lesser role in the franchise when it had so much promise.

He also admitted, though, how seeing Ewan McGregor publicly stand up for his costar Moses Ingram against the online racist abuse she was receiving really touched his heart.

So, sometimes, your costars publicly standing up for you CAN help them up at least feel supported. It won't change how racists feel, but like I said before, words have power.

I'm not sure what will happen in the future, but I do hope that Tom looks back on this experience and on Fran's words and reflects about how he might handle this situation should it ever occur again. I also hope that this experience will help open the door for more honest conversations about how we can protect our poc actors and actresses in the theater and ET/film industry after they have been cast in prominent roles with racist fanbases. 🫤

As we've seen, this is not even JUST a Black issue. It seems that several non-white actors can be subjected to racist hate depending on the fanbase or franchise. 😔

Like you mentioned, this is almost like the same conversation we had about Z working with "Black actors" in Hollywood. Nobody is hating on her for not doing so. We as fans just have our own thoughts and opinions. 🤷🏾‍♀️ We still love Z regardless.

Just like if fans honestly feel that Tom should have spoken out in public support for Fran, that doesn't mean fans hate him. It's just a feeling that fans have. You can still love your fave but just wish that they had handled a situation a different way. Feeling sorry for Fran doesn't negate your Tom Fan Status. You can still be a fan of someone, yet be disappointed in their actions. Just like you can love your family member, spouse, etc, but just wish they made better decisions in life.

I personally don't know if it would have just made the situation worse if Tom spoke out tbh (more coverage in the media, more time spent talking about the issue), but if he HAD spoken out, I wouldn't have felt the least bit upset by it! 😊

Silly me, I thought that the hate had dissipated after the play started, so to hear from Fran that it never went away, and she was receiving racist letters and death threats being sent to the theater just breaks my heart. 💔😭

She did not deserve that at all.

It might also be good that she's putting this out there, because so many times, people assume that Europeans are above racism, but this just shows that it does still exist, and that there might need to be more open conversations about this.

Okay, rant over.

[cumscrotesailboat]

I finished Citrus, the "infamous" GL that i keep hearing about and as far as i've seen, its only the anime thats insanely weird. The manga is super different from the anime adaptation. There's a lot to critique with this series BUT the argument i hear saying that it caters primarily to men is not quite accurate. It was made by a sapphic woman, of which the story was inspired by a real experience she had, published by a company that caters to QUEER women. It certainly wasn't made with men in mind.

(Also, spoiler at the bottom if you have plans on reading it)

With that out of the way, the "incest" subplot of the series felt like it had little significance to the narrative of the story. The only time it was being mentioned was the Blonde MC's inner dialogue about how she can't possibly be with the Black haired MC because they're sister and that's it. At the end, their parents agreed to not get married so the two can legally be married. There was no push back on the parents or anyone they knew, it was just there. I can't tell what the author's purpose with it is. In another wlw series i read, the incest subplot was there to shut down the argument "If same-sex love is ok, then that should mean incest love is ok too bcs it doesnt affect anyone right?", but in here I can't be sure if its for drama or if its for the "spicy forbidden love awoogawooga" japanese anime fans seem to love. Personally, i think its the former. It's drama but very weak drama. I don't wanna write off the latter that fast either. Sapphic women can get weird with incest fantasies too. I personally am not into it bcs its incest, crazy take i know, but sure ig? This one I don't really care since it had such little effect on the narrative that you can just ignore it or even delude yourself with thinking it wasn't there at all and your understanding of the series would still be fine.

For the sexual assaults in the early chapters. I dont fucking know man, why did she do that? I mean, we know why, she was trying to push the Blonde MC away as seen in the letter but uhh.. 🤷🤷🤷? Sexual misconducts, harrassment, and assault just makes me feel uncomfortable so this is the one I dont like with the series at all. To give meaning to it (just bcs i dont wanna gloss over it that fast), the black haired MC did that as an impulsive act of selfishness, isolation, and fear of companionship. Early chapters has her shown as shackled by her family's legacy so she was cold and also fucked up.

Another thing are the supporting characters, there's this middle schooler that just fucking REEKS of trauma and the series just doesn't address that. It's so funny bcs you are 13 girl, don't talk as if you're in that grown up world you keep talking about. They're all great tho, even if they felt flat. One thing i keep noticing with nowadays consumption of literary is that every character has to be well-rounded, no it doesn't! its fine if the main cast are the only rounded ones! but yeah, that middle schooler has to be stopped. Please author, what the fuck is wrong with that kid😭☠️

Overall, its really not as bad as its reputation precedes it to be. Its weird yeah but not as weird as the majority of people say it to be. Its fluffy and drama and it definitely wasn't made for men. It's really whatever and only got its reputation bcs of that weird ass anime adaptation thats trying to cater to those freak ass "otakus". Saying that word makes me feel disgusted, jesus christ. I have mixed feelings if its a series I'd recommend bcs there are other series that are better but what i'm sure is its an okay read. I'm big to romance and drama and this series has that. It didn't make me cry but it made me feel tense and sad for the characters, and in my book thats a successful attempt at those genre.

My only gripe with it really is the unnecessary incest and SA, thats why its getting a low score for me. Everything else was fine

anw balls

[marzi-panic]

Here's a basic ref of my Dungeon Meshi fan character, Lela!

(Of course, there will be tweaks and rewriting of her lore in the future since I have finally read the manga. Overall, she's more of a "what if" type of character to play around with haha--)

Gonna have a little bit of back story text after the pics💚👌

Bare with me, I did my best aaaaa :'''o)

Lela was born to a mother elf and father satyr. Her family is mixed both in fathers and races. Three siblings being born to a father human, one a father dwarf, and the last child born from a half-foot. The last is the last for a reason. They don't show many mixed traits.

Lela being an example of this where her ears are the only oddity. Height and ears are the main things you'd notice right away if you saw them in a row.

They lived in a small and hidden village. It was simple and people were quick to be passive about anything.

Her mother slighted by the men in her life not seeing her way and leaving, chose to take it out on her children with magic. Her mother was a very skilled elf and studied healing magic, using it to help her fellow villagers. She also had a "small" interest in black magic.

Her mother did what she could with her knowledge to coax her children into being "blessed" with good health, life and luck. "As long as you stay in the village, nothing will befall you", she said.

Lela was reluctant at first, but with her mother's guilt trip and pleas to be understood, Lela obliged. Those feelings of uncertainty never left her, though. As the family grew complacent, Lela grew restless. With every suggestion, there was a nasty fight. With every kind act, it was never enough. With every new "father", another new reason to be ignored and harmed. Lela did what she could to be on the same page as her mother, she wanted her love and respect just like any other child. Her efforts were dismissed and her spirit broken down with each failure and " just punishment".

Just being what her mother asked of her seemed like the only thing Lela had left. She was never one to WANT to cause trouble, but her free thinking wasn't getting her anywhere. So, she just existed. Pretending everything was okay. Getting harmed, worn out, and engaged because "mother said so". Lela truly, truly wanted to trust in her family, but everything was great to everyone, but her. What made her snap was when she was attacked by her fiancee. He made it clear that following her mother's plan is all she had to do.

Through this interaction, she found out how much more controlling and manipulative her mother was. The whole village was in on this stagnant, cultist promise. "Stay in line and things will be fine".

Lela didn't want to believe this despite the messy conformation.

She went to her mother, hoping for this to be a huge misunderstanding. Lela was met with vague and placating answers. It was clear that her mother was hiding something and Lela had enough of not knowing how to feel or who to trust anymore. So, she ran off with her cloak and what little supplies she could snag on her way out. She couldn't do it anymore. She wanted to be happy, but nothing was making sense. She knew that none of this was okay. The last thing she heard her mom say was "Fine! Abandon us! Ungrateful spawn, leave and become the monster I always knew you were!".

Lela leaving the perimeter, she felt a change deep down in her soul. She wasn't sure how to feel about it, but she just wanted to press on. She traveled as far as possible.

Her body slowly changing into something she couldn't recognize. Forming claws, horns and a hairier physique. Lela would feel a darkness that called out to her. Louder and louder until she could barely think anymore. Fighting with the "blessing" her mother gave her.

It took her days, but she finally stumbled upon a fabled dungeon.. With only her cloak and tattered clothes, she felt this urge.

"...Become the monster she always knew you were..."

A new life ensues as she allowed the dungeon to swallow her in.

-------------------------------------

If you read all this, you are so awesome and great and thank you for reading ! <3

I'm gonna go sleep now and draw some more stuff later, byyyye 😅

[alphasunpup]

Feedist Kinktober Day 31- Halloween Party/Stuffing

Welp, it's been a fun ride! Thanks again @fatguarddog for the creation of these prompts, really helped me out of a creative rut. Well, enjoy the read yall!

Calling all the monsters blares out of the speakers in your home. You go find your friend through out the "haunted mansion" party she invited you too. Everyone's costume looked so good. There were your typical vampires, werewolves, and witches. But also some elves, a few Frankenstein couple costumes, and even a devil. You find your friend beautifully dressed up as a witch. She's kind of in her normal attire just wearing purple with a sparkly hat.

"Hey! I'm so glad you could make it!" She said wrapping you in a hug. She felt softer than usual. Her brown skin peak out a bit from the thigh cut dress.

"Of course, I couldn't miss it!" You say excitedly.

"I love your costume," she says. You blush, happy that she appreciated your black cat costume. You decided to actually go as the marvel character which a couple people didn't get.

"Thanks and you look gorgeous. I mean you always look gorgeous, I mean, you look great," I say with an embarrassed chuckle.

She blushes and chuckles. "Thanks. Hey, let me show you the appetizers!" She leads you to a gigantic kitchen where there are some caters lining up food.

"Sushi?" She asks and you gratefully nod.

You let out a moan at her placing the sushi dipped in a little soy sauce in your mouth. She gets about six pieces in you before your full. But then there's pumpkin soup. The soup warms and fills your belly. You put a hand to your tummy feeling it press against the leather suit. You decide to ignore it, blaming it on a little bloat. Then she cuts you a slice of "monster ham," something silly to go with the festivity.

Time passes as she feeds you delicious appetizers, main dishes, and dessert. If this was what a first date was, you didn't imagine it would be at a Halloween party, but hey, who cares? When you finally finish you sit down and notice how your belly bloated out against your costume.

You also notice that the silver spoons she was feeding you food with, wasn't real silver, it was stainless steal. You also noticed that the chandelier in the middle of the kitchen was made of 2.8K diamond, the color around the F-G category. You blink, taken back by that knowledge.

You look around and realize your glasses were feeding you an analysis of every expensive looking thing in the house and the authenticity of the items. You take off your glasses/goggles and look around. Your friend was looking plumper than just before and when you put on the glasses they do an analogy showing she had just gained a bit of weight from before. When you start to analyze the party goers, you notice they're all putting on weight at different rates. But they're also becoming their costumes. The people dressed up as vampires, were drinking more and more punch, the punch becoming blood.

Your friend chuckles and smiles. "Good, the reality warping spell is working."

"The what?!"

She gives you a bright smile. "The reality warping spell. Don't worry all the changes will wear off by sunrise. You know, unless a few people enjoyed the new changes," she said. She takes your glasses, looks at them and nods. "Never knew you were a fan of Black Cat."

You blush. You take back the glasses and think about all the cool abilities and knowledge you would have as the thief, Black Cat.

"Well, can this kitty steal your heart?"

Your friend blushes and then softly kisses you. She sucks on your lip a little. "Only if you let this witch keep feeding you," she says and she rubs your belly.

[ca-suffit]

Rolin Jones saying he made the show for neilcfreak doesn't absolve her of her racism and general unpleasantness. It proves two things. That Rolin doesn't know anything about fandom and if he does doesn't care. And two that even the most wretched white people get good things. They get to slip into spaces they shouldn't even after being terrible while Black people who are more deserving don't.

Also let's not kid ourselves. Rolin makes this show for Lestat and the huge boner he has for Lestat. When he found out AMC had bought the books he begged to be put on the project and had his own production company come up with a brief to present to AMC.

He's said repeatedly that he can't wait to do the Lestat season and that he enjoys writing Lestat. By the way I have no problem with him loving Lestat because that hasn't stood in the way of Season 1 being as good as it is.

I'm just saying he didn't know Gorrei before he spent money to pitch the show. So let's take that with a grain of salt.

I'm p sure Rolin says a lot that he doesn't read stuff online. he's also a white guy in his 50s with a long history of working in television. it's ttly different worlds. I don't expect him to know shit lol.

but ya that's the point ppl don't want u to focus on. ppl want u to think if I was nicer then we'd all sit down and solve racism in an hour and I could stop being so "jealous" and "have fun" too. lol but that's not real. all of this happening isn't v surprising because this is already what's been happening and will continue to happen. the white fandom ppl the show seeks out or who buy access to these spaces aren't more deserving or smarter (def not that lol) they're just white. anne rice was also just white. if she'd been anything else she'd have lost her job instantly for opening her mouth the way she did.

this is why white ppl need to be the ones saying things more because a lot of white fandom bs relies on white ignorance and appealing to white emotions. rn white fandom here isn't even mostly white ppl anymore and that's made it worse tbh. cuz they rely on usually showmey0urfangs or maybe keybearer to shout down at ppl how they're black and won't be spoken over.....while literally they have no community with the black fandom here anymore at all lol. neither one of them is american either btw. there's not a single well known black american fan here despite that being the main character of the show rn and plenty of fans fitting that description. if neilcfreak wanted to scream so loudly about "I'm (white) jewish so understand the struggle" when talking about racism then where tf is her solidarity for speaking on racist shit lol. couldn't possibly be that was only a way for her to avoid apologizing for saying racist shit? never....

white fandom only cares about protecting its own and having a specific identity only when it can be weaponized to avoid accountability. that's all anne rice did too. arguing with ppl and being a constant victim is a basic manipulation technique meant to exhaust the other side and "win" without needing to provide any real argument. these ppl can't talk about the themes of anything with any depth so u'll notice even when talking about the books, it's always broad mentions of "dark themes" without discussing them ever. they're only smart to themselves and that's why they're in my asks screaming I'm jealous of them. u can see how maven and them talk how superior they feel for this despite the majority of the fandom knowing they're stupid. ur just white, that's the end of it. u have never proven ur deserving of anything and I already know that's how the world works so lol. scream it at me as much as u want but it doesn't make it more true. ur just white and whiteness gets rewarded when u also promote white fandom shit. this group works together to promote each other for this reason but it's still usually only the white ppl getting the full benefits. ur bland af catering to the widest appeal possible. ur challenging nothing but needing to get in my asks to show off about it because ur so angry I'm not kissing ur asses lol. the lestat parallels never end I stg.

the one thing I think white fandom isn't prepared for tho is that maybe the Rolin's lestat won't be the version they expect him to be either lol. if ur familiar with stuff Rolin does I don't think he's gonna be what they want and that's gonna be so funny.

[licncourt]

Your louis stan nitpicks are not inconsequential and deserve to be given it's due importance. It's not hate, just pointing out the obvious. Out of everyone, I at least, want to know your takes on the differences between show louis and book louis, as meta discourse. And I'm glad there are still movie fans out there, I adore the movie, and I adore the series. <3

Thank you for being interested in my thoughts!! I sat on this ask for a while because I wanted to see at least a majority of the episodes before giving my opinions on characterization, but I think I've seen enough now to talk a bit. For now, I'm going to hit the few main things I noticed as a Louis enjoyer first and a person second but also a fan of the show.

-

While I think it makes sense that this version of Louis has more externalized anger than the book version and is more keen on killing people who "deserve it" (like that racist asshole from ep 2), I don't like that the idea of feeding on evildoers being attributed to Louis. The crux of Louis' morality (as hypocritical as it is) and therefore his character is his approach to killing. He thinks vampires killing humans to sustain themselves wrong no matter the circumstances (once again, really missing the prostitute scene in the show) and feeds at random to keep things "fair". He drinks from animals right from the beginning and never lets Lestat tell him a damn thing.

Attributing Lestat’s supposed principles about only killing evildoers and having Louis go along with the human victims kind of waters down the hypocrisy that defines Louis. He's a black and white moralist who talks about ethics and fairness while living in luxury off the backs of the people he exploits. Louis is meant to have horse blinders on. He balks at vampirism from day one with this righteous, unwavering fury and not an ounce of concession or self-awareness.

Louis making exceptions for racists is one thing, but he's doing that AND pitching the idea of feeding on evildoers AND going along with the human victims for literal years before turning to rats. I want to see his Louis Bullshit in action!! And that means he should have more convictions and worse justification for them.

I get why the writers, in terms of racial optics, may have changed Claudia’s turning from Lestat’s babytrap moment to him granting Louis' request, but reasoning aside.....I don't like the change at all. Firstly, the Claudia babytrap is a HUGE moment for Lestat as a character that I miss, but that's not what we're talking about here.

Honestly, I just don't buy Louis requesting that anyone, let alone a child, be made a vampire. Yes, he feels guilty for her injuries, but in the book he's even MORE directly responsible for her near-death state (having fed on her) and doesn't even consider asking for her to be turned. He tries to physically stop Lestat from doing it in spite of his guilt.

The creation of a vampire is the most repellent act anyone can commit in Louis' mind. He has two fledglings in the books: one he created as an act of devotion for Claudia and he says that it destroyed his soul and his humanity to do it, even for her. The second was made under the influence of magical compulsion and that was a significant factor in his suicide attempt. He risked Lestat hating him and ruining his life rather than grant his request to be turned again while stuck in a mortal body. I just can't imagine Louis asking for this and the show certainly didn't sell me on the change.

As strange as this sounds, I wish he was...worse? Yet again, I understand why they may not have done that, but I think it's a detriment to his complexity. Although it's not nearly as egregious, I feel like the show is making the same mistake as the movie in portraying Louis to be more ethical and moral than Lestat.

Like I said before, Louis' character hinges on the idea that he wants to be a good person, but he's not. He's all talk and no action, so ignorant that his hypocrisy is invisible to him. He's so torn up about his sexuality that he doesn't have a spare thought for the fact that he owns slaves. In the book, he admits that his objections to killing initially were largely aesthetic. He refuses to kill the prostitute Lestat was torturing because winning the philosophical argument meant more to him than her suffering. Louis doesn't have the moral high ground.

Part of what makes him so interesting is that he's so hopelessly terrible even though he thinks he's in some eternal struggle to be good. He's a martyr more than he's a good person, and I think it's somewhat reductive to portray him as flawed but ultimately a good guy.

Book Louis fought with Paul and laughed in his face in the last moments before his death. He had no sense of irony when it came to his Kantian ethics as a slave owner. He loved Claudia with his entire soul but still hurt her deeply with his selfishness. He protested the torture of the prostitute but pushed her away in disgust when she clung to him for help. He has many sweet and sympathetic traits, but you should never lose sight of his brand of awfulness, even if it's more subtle than Lestat’s.

I would love to see AMC Louis defensive about his ownership of the brothel, more concerned about what it means for his soul than about the exploitation of the women who work there. I wanted to see him fight with Lestat while the tenor slowly choked to death on his own blood. I wanted to see Claudia rankling as he treated her like an inanimate object and a doll for his own comfort. I wanted to see him committing acts of mundane evil, not just kill racists in a particularly gruesome way and snap at his family.

-

Basically I wish they would hit harder with his Louis brand of nonsense and his particular kind of self-pitying, histrionic martyrdom. AMC Louis is a little too upstanding sometimes, I need him to be a little more evil and a little more pathetic about it. The other changes make sense in context, I just need that Louis morality hellscape, man.

Bonus: a meta post I made talking about Louis' moral compass , one I contributed to on the same topic, and how some of that ties into his key themes of hunger and control

[silver-wield]

Hi there! Asking you this question because nothing escapes your notice when it comes to narrative parallels. Did you notice how in FFXVI authors purposefully wrote Dion x Joshua as a parallel to Clive x Jill? Same backgrounds as childhood sweethearts (something memorable happened between Dion and Joshua for them to have such affection, trust and admiration for each other), same common trauma, thinking the other was dead for decades, same guilt and wish of redemption at the cost of their lives, Anabella destroying both their homes. When it comes to specific scenes, there is the recurring romance trope of watching the night sky while thinking about each other with longing (typical SE romantic scene), the hugs in the same scene in Stonhyr, a strong symbolism with Metia and the Moon that is a recurring presence in their scenes together or when apart but thinking about each other in the same moment. Even in the scene where Phoenix and Bahamut are fighting, Metia and the Moon are visible on the background. Also red (Metia) and white (Moon) are part of their matching color schemes: Clive/Joshua = black/red and Jill/Dion = white/dark blue. It's not a coincidence that authors wrote Dion x Terence as a parallel to Joshua x Jote, a pairing with clear power imbalance and founded on worshipping/adoration/absolute loyalty (on Jote's part just like Terence) that never really sailed. Both Dion/Joshua freed Terence/Jote from their duties with a last mission. Their farewell scene was kinda rushed and anticlimatic. And it's not a case that authors wrote Dion x Joshua as a parallel of the main endgame ship. It's pretty clear that euphoric as they are for lgbtq+ representation, Dion x Terence fans can't see beyond their nose and didn't notice or are in denial about the actual purpose of this ship. Authors basically used Dion x Terence as testing material for the audience. To receive feedback on the introduction of a gay ship without going full force and presenting said ship as a main one. Afraid of the backlash of the homophobic audience, they chose an invisible ship because Dion x Joshua was going to take too much focus to be ignored. Now that we know that Dion's character was positively welcomed in the fandom, nothing prevents them from developing Dion x Joshua in an hypothetical DLC/expansion/sequel. The foundations are already there, these two characters clearly have history together, their feelings for each other suggest there is a story that still needs to be unfolded. Terence already served his purpose and as a matter of facts, was easily cast aside as if he never existed. He's basically irrelevant to Dion's storyline, while without Joshua he wouldn't even be alive, he'd have never met Clive and become an ally. On a side note, Terence never interacts with other characters, most time he just stands there as part of the background. He doesn't have dedicated side missions and we don't even see him in the epilogue. Authors clearly didn't plan for him to be important, they had him and Dion breaking up and that's the last we see of him. Definitely not the treatment they'd give a character they plan to bring over to an hypothetical dlc/sequel. Thanks for reading!

Look, I'm sorry you don't like canon, but Dion and Terrence are literally childhood friends to lovers, who literally kiss in the game. They're in love and for a set of characters without a lot of screen time to build up their story, it was very well fleshed out and includes bg info in the lore that further explains their relationship. They didn't break up, and I think you should see those scenes again and think about everything Dion went through and his mindset at that point in time. He fully believes he should sacrifice himself to make up for his mistakes, even though the people wouldn't want that. He doesn't want Terrence to witness any of that and asks him to keep the promise to the little medicine girl and help the people rebuild. He entrusted Terrence with all the responsibility he feels is on his shoulders. Only someone with absolute love and trust in that person would do that.

And even Dion's va shared a hero's return HC for Dion and it didn't feature Joshua at all. It was really sweet, in character and wholesome. Dion would return to Terrence and the little medicine girl and help rebuild.

Joshua has a great depth of feeling for Jote and isn't interested in Dion as anything but a friend.

If you wanna go write a fanfic to satisfy your pairing pref that's something you can do, but it's not canon and you shouldn't expect it to happen because the setting has not implied it at all, no matter how much you wish it had. Please don't end up like the nutbar canon deniers going off about how what you think is superior just because you don't like canon. We get enough of that crazy shit with cleriths.

[zalrb]

i don't care if it's just an opinion re willow and willow/oz it's an opinion on the sole queer character in btvs. let's not act like you don't know saying your fave ship of a lesbian character is the one ship that canonically was her experiencing comp het was gonna rub people who saw themselves in her the wrong way. let's not play dumb here. now i just stated you are condescending and here you are proving my point for me. i read the ask, i know the context. that wasn't my point.

my point is the one time you speak of xena (THAT IVE SEEN) you speak of an het ship. no again condescencion part 2 the fucking remix i guess. i don't think you've said you're the authority on anything and meant it literally you just act like it over and over and then give turn into the pikachu face meme when people point it out to you. now onto spartacus am i supposed to praise you for noticing a m/m ship and two others that involved characters who died? and gloss over you ignoring the others? ok then congrats on noticing the main canon pairing on the show next to naevia/crixus (after season 2 at least) which you've raved about way more than the former. now all your blah blah about all the queer characters you do talk about. your masterlist is a nightmare for anyone neurodivergent to navigate. stop expecting people to comb through it anytime they have a question for you or make it more accessible to everyone. and even ignoring that you still talk about more het characters and to your last point i know fandoms tend to ignore black characters and black women in favour of white and m/m ships in fact they do it for poly ships too like in the show siren that had a white woman, a black woman and a white man and the fandom hyperfocused on the white man and white woman part of that triad. silver/madi/flint doesn't exclude madi in any way though you just don't like flint. if i've been condescending replying to you i'm only using your tone back to you. goodbye."

if i've been condescending replying to you i'm only using your tone back to you. goodbye.

I don't think anything about this was condescending, I'm actually just confused. Anyway, this isn't to continue a dialogue, this is for the rest of the people who check in on my blog.

now onto spartacus am i supposed to praise you for noticing a m/m ship and two others that involved characters who died? and gloss over you ignoring the others? ok then congrats on noticing the main canon pairing on the show next to naevia/crixus (after season 2 at least)

I don't want praise or congratulations, I don't even know you, anon and you don't know me. I just want anons to stop projecting onto me and to stop saying that I didn't do things or I did do things when I did do them or I didn't do them. You literally said I talk about Spartacus but don't mention Agron and Nasir and I was like what is this person talking about? Because I do. And I only talk about canon ships on the show, which goes for quite a bit of the shows I talk about anyway??

and two others that involved characters who died?

What does them being dead have to do with anything when Lucretia and Iliythia and Gaia are also dead? Everyone is dead! Except for Nasir.

which you've raved about way more than the former.

Yeah, I talk about Blood and Sand Crixus and Naevia more because they're the ship that I like the most. How does that in anyway invalidate Agron and Nasir? Or invalidate that they're a ship that I also like especially when I've mentioned repeatedly that I like them?

and gloss over you ignoring the others?

If you ship Gaia and Lucretia or Ilityhia and Lucretia then go for it but I don't see why I have to ship them or why me not talking about them is a stain on my character, like I'm required to like or talk about these ships?

now all your blah blah about all the queer characters you do talk about.

I don't even ... what? "You don't talk about queer characters" "Actually, I do and here are--" "Blah Blah who cares" lol OK.

stop expecting people to comb through it anytime they have a question for you or make it more accessible to everyone.

I don't control the way that tumblr works. I have been on this site for nearly a decade and was asked repeatedly by anons for, like, two years to create master lists so they can easily peruse my posts and wouldn't have to keep sending me asks for links and then when I do create master lists and explain what's in the master lists, they aren't used.

I explain ways to search tags or to go to the search engine so people can find tags. I do not think it's asking too much to search a blog before sending an ask.

silver/madi/flint doesn't exclude madi in any way though you just don't like flint.

I was talking about how in the tags, at the time anyway, it was difficult to find anything just about Madi and Silver's relationship but it wasn't difficult to find things just about Silver and Flint, the fandom was indeed excluding Madi.

my point is the one time you speak of xena (THAT IVE SEEN) you speak of an het ship

Well I didn't really speak about Xena or the merits of any of the relationships, I don't even remember Xena that well, I was just trying to find a pairing that conveyed what I wanted without using the same ships that I always used so yeah, I used Ares and Xena because of the context. If I found gifs of Gabrielle and Xena that conveyed what I wanted, I would've used those gifs. That's why the context matters.

i don't think you've said you're the authority on anything and meant it literally you just act like it over and over and then give turn into the pikachu face meme when people point it out to you.

All I can do is laugh at this.

i don't detest your opinions i detest your condescending tone which you employ liberally with everyone regardless of how they first address you. an anon will earnestly ask your opinion on something or state their own and ask if you agree and you'll just respond with a question as if that in itself isn't condescending bullshit

I've literally explained why I ask questions and that it helps me better engage with anons because I want to have a conversation about what they're really getting at so I've explained my thought process. This is your projection, this is your bullshit because I've made myself clear.

[lapeaudelamemoire]

Some frustrations and thoughts:

1. I genuinely think a lot of white liberals and leftists and so on who are from and live in imperial centres and settler-colonies like the 'US', as well as those in Europe, despite calling themselves and thinking of themselves as progressive, don't actually often consider things intersectionally enough because their positionality (i.e., white privilege, of which one of the main features is that you don't notice what it confers) is a blind spot. I get that this is a feature and not a bug, but I am tired of white folks' voices everywhere.

2. On the multiple axes of intersectionality, being 'US'-ian is the second most annoying thing or on par with whiteness for me. POC 'US'-ians have that 'US'-centrism that is just a whole flavour of imperialism and I am also tired of them taking centre-stage and centering themselves so much of the time like they're special (on account of the 'US' exceptionalism shit). I frequently, at times like this, think back to when a Black US person basically harassed me for months on Instagram to join and subscribe to their educational community thing by attempting to guilt-trip me with the rhetoric of 'owing the Black community reparations' and that I should learn about their history. Like. I'm not from the 'US' and have never been there and in my bio I specifically wrote that I live on unceded Wurundjeri land. They also said they "didn't know my name" when I had a name on the IG bio, but it was written in Chinese characters. Or the time when I was invited to a meet-up of 'Asian-American' people and they spent the entire time talking amongst themselves about being talked over and marginalised and not heard etc. while completely ignoring me, the single non-US Asian person in the room.

I feel like a lot of people who live in settler-colonies or historical seats of colonial empire - i.e., the 'US', 'Australia', 'Canada', Europe, 'NZ', and also South Africa - don't seem to understand their nationality and perhaps more specifically their citizenships as a lens and privilege and also a bias, nor where that positions them in relation to others.

Like criticisms that have already been noted, a lot of queer white folks will use their LGBTQIA+ identity as a shield or exemption or whatever, like an in-built token marginalised identity 'get-out-of-jail-free' card. (This is the third-most fucking annoying thing for me in terms of positionalities.)

Before, I would get really excited to see POC and follow them thinking I would get more different perspectives, but inevitably it turned out, as I now reflect on it, that mostly what I was getting were North American perspectives and mostly from other 'Global North' countries as, again, mentioned above. And I would wager that it's not just the case for POC, but also LGBTQIA+ spaces.