#also funny enough I happen to have a pure leaf with me when I saw this

[atla-nordics-and-co]

I’m here to remind you to hydrate and smile! I hope you have a sweet sweeeet day ☁️ oh also, I’m proud of you for doing your best it’s good enough

I hope you have a great day

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Can you write something where the shyest boys finally kiss their crush at a party in a human au. But then some other mischievous character catches it on camera. Then they try to show it to everyone to tease them? (Not really maliciously more playfully. More like a trickster.) Sorry, but I am a sucker for shy characters since I am shy myself.

So my shy boys in my human AU are Japan, Canada, Russia and England (I'd put Romano but he's just a lone wolf who tends to bite when he's disturbed. Metaphorically.)

A/N: I HIT ONE OF MY NOTIFICATION POP UPS AND IT FORCED ME OUT OF THE FIRST DRAFT! I had to redo Japan and Canada's scenerios •́ J ,•̀

Human AU: Shy Boys kiss their crush! On TAPE!?

Japan:

He wasn't really enjoying the party Alfred was throwing. The only reason he was there was over the fact he promised to record some footage for a homemade music video, and he knew his crush was going to be there.

At some point he found himself watching his crush as they danced away with their friends. Was it kind of creepy? Yes. Did Kiku realize this at the moment? No.

He just about jumped out of his skin as his crush made eye contact with him, and his heartbeat quickened as they started dancing towards him.

"Hey Kiku! I thought you didn't like parties?"

"H-hai! I do not usually partake in such events, but I promised Alfred I'd get footage for one of his YouTube videos..."

His crush's head tilted, not hearing him through the loud music and talking. Even with him shouting he wasn't loud enough. So naturally he had them follow him to the porch.

He could have sworn that every star in the night sky was reflecting in his crush's eyes as they were waiting for him to repeat his anwser.

"I have to admit to some urges that have been occuring..." (Not what he was hoping he'd say)

Kiku cringed at his wording, and cursed himself for cramming so many english classes in before he transferred to America. He only calmed back down after hearing his crush laugh and egg him on to continue.

"I... kisu si te ii desu ka?" (Can I kiss you?)

Even though he was rather nervous, he was pretty close with his crush. During their lunches they asked him to teach them japanese so they can help him with translations. Even after two years they still had trouble with it.

"... What about a kiss? oh! Did you kiss someone at the party!"

His face turned red, and he shook it rapidly.

"No! You!"

"What do I have to do with a kiss and you- Oh!"

Kiku covered his face as his crush slowly caught on to his question. Soon enough they had taken his hands away, and lightly pecked his lips.

Flash.

That looked like the flash of a camera. Sure enough Alfred and England were standing at the doorway, polaroid camera in hand. Al being his usual loud self.

"I saw you bring them out here and just KNEW something was going to happen! Didn't I tell you, you had it in you! Now the whole class must know of your bravery!"

By the time Alfred finished his speech, Kiku was already after him. Sadly he was no match for Al's speed due to tripping over everyone, and everything.

Canada:

It wasn't like he was exactly shy, but he didn't have many friends since not many people in his class had much in common with him. His only real friend was his crush, so of course he was terrified to ruin that friendship. Though the constant jokes the others at the party made didn't help, since most of it revolved around them dating.

He was also getting more and more frustrated with the amount of attention his crush was getting. Some of it they welcomed with open arms, some of it not so much. The thing that really annoyed him was seeing Alfred himself flirt with them.

This was the final straw that gave him the courage to walk up to him, and accuse him directly.

"Why are you flirting with my date?"

"Date? I thought you said they were just a friend?"

Mathew had turned his head towards his crush, and planted a light kiss on their lips.

"There. Now we are!"

Matt's face went pale as he realized the scene that was playing out got the attention of some party goers. Phones already recording in case a fight broke out. Leaving no possibly way to get everyone to delete those videos.

Not realizing his crush had a hold of his hand to prevent any conflict, he tugged them out the door, trying his best to shield his face.

Once outside they both sat on the stone slabs of the sidewalk. Matt's crush clearing their throat to help stop the akward moment.

"You know... If you wanted to kiss me, you should have just asked..."

"Oh maple leaf! I am so sorry! I didn't even know I had it in me!"

His crush shook their head, chuckling, then leaned in for another kiss.

"There. Now we're even."

All matt could do was repeat their words with a dreamy sigh.

"Now we're even..."

Russia:

Ivan was already pretty shy, but he really wanted to hangout with his crush. So he let them rope him into going to the party Francis was having. It was a small party, so it wasn't all bad. Other than no one wanting to talk to him due to his lack of English.

His crush was certainly doing plenty of talking through out the night though, and they eventually pulled him aside to ask him something.

"Hey, Ivan? You okay? You don't look like you're enjoying yourself much".

His crush knew to keep sentences as simple and short as possible since he struggled with English. But he still managed a good enough response.

"Da. I am... Not good at the parties. Not one person, speeches? To Ivan..."

His crush smiled, reaching up to playfully ruffle his hair, earning a small giggle.

"You mean to say 'no one speaks to me'. I'm sorry. It can be hard, da?"

He nodded at them. Giving a smile knowing his crush at least tries to conversate with him. But there was something else on his mind. The more they talked, the more he seemed to stare at their lips. He was struggling more and more with hiding his blush. Eventually his crush took it as a sign he was overheating and they dragged him to the bathroom to splash water to his face.

"It is too warm for a turtle neck and scarf! Your face is very warm!"

Ivan shook his head, face getting redder from the embarrassment.

"Nyet!"

His crush gave a look of confusion, and Ivan took this as a sign to try and explain.

"You do much of the talking. I... Do much of the seeing. Nyet. I do much of the-"

He gestured his gaze to his crush's lips, unable to convey his message and when it still didn't sink in for them, Ivan did the next best thing out of pure frustration.

He kissed them. It felt like forever, but it was cut too short as the sound of a gasp interrupted them. Breaking away he spotted Francis standing at the door that was left wide open. A phone with the light on, signalling it was recording them.

"Oh ho ho! This is quite the confession! A love that goes beyond language barriers is just as strong as love itself!"

Ivan couldn't seem to follow Francis' words, especially because he was more concerned with the phone footage.

"You take video for just us, da?"

Francis gave a smirk and took off without another word. Ivan wasn't dumb when it came to body language, and he took off after him. Taking no time at all to corner Francis, scaring everyone else as the two of them bickered over the phone.

"Throw out the phone!"

"I will do no such thing!

"I will throw you instead!"

It took his crush snagging the phone and deleting the video for everything to finally settle back down.

England:

He was kind of popular in the sense everyone knew him as the punk kid who could play the electric guitar. But so did others students so he wasn't exactly special. So yeah, he was wicked shy and insecure about how everyone viewed him.

But his crush seemed to treat him differently, and honestly? He was secretly hoping that meant they really liked him. Maybe even more than liked!

The best part is, he wasn't even expecting his crush to show up at some random person's party. He, himself, was only there to help a band entertain. But there they were, his crush, dancing and bopping along to the music.

He found himself making a lot of eye contact with them, and when the first break came around, he bounced off the makeshift stage. His crush immediately walking over to him to pester.

"That was amazing! I didn't know you played so well!"

Arthur pulled at his bangs.

"Thanks love. It means quite a lot coming from you. Especially because you didn't expect to see me here, of all places..."

"Actually I-"

Before they could continue, they were dragged off by some of their friends to be introduced to someone. He decided to follow, wanting to know what the fuss was about. And of course his crush's friends were trying to hook them up with... Francis...

He gave a verbal sigh, watching his crush shift uncomfortably as Francis did his best to act all suave. His crush looked back at him with pleading eyes. This gave him an idea.

He walked over, slinging an arm around their shoulder, speaking up and over their conversation.

"There you are darling! I've been searching the whole bloody house for you! Oh, hello Francis. I didn't see you there!"

Things got intense, and before anyone knew it, Francis and Arthur had gotten into a fist fight. There wasn't a particular winner, but Arthur certainly left the fight with the only bruised lip. Sitting at one of the spare couches, his crush tended to the bruise.

"I can't believe you did that! Are you nuts? Why do you two fight anyway!"

"I'm sorry love... It's just... He gets in the way is all".

"In the way of what? Some male pride?"

"...you"

Silence filled the space between them, only to be broken by the chaste and airy kiss from his crush.

"I didn't know..."

"Part of me didn't want you too..."

Neither of them knew someone had recorded them until the day they returned to the college. Someone had thought it was funny to make a "fancam" of Arthur "fighting for his loved one". The only words his new lover could mutter was:

"At least no one is going to have to ask us if we're together now..."

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

Being Human - Chapter 01

Summary : "It was too much for Snatcher. He had no idea what was happening, what was going on around him. He felt something pounding inside him, fast, with a panicked rhythm. His horror came back at full force when he understood what it was.

This was his heart, beating inside his chest, defying every possible logical explanation. The ghost had come back to life."

Snatcher breaks a Time Piece and has to face the consequences.

Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24826561/chapters/60051049

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New fanfiction ! I wanted to try something completely new and... Here it is ! I hope you'll like it ! Don't hesitate to tell me if you liked this first chapter ! I have two more finished, but I want to try to keep a few in advance !

The "Oh The Humanity" AU belongs to @doodledrawsthings​ ! (AMAZING AU !!!)

Happy reading !

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Chapter 01 - “What did you do to me?” 

Becoming a human again was certainly something Snatcher would have never expected. If he had to be completely honest, if someone had told him it would happen to him, he would have probably laughed in their face… And would have eaten their soul afterwards. However, his afterlife had been nothing but a mess since the moment those brats had come into his life. Fallen from the sky, just like their magical hourglasses, those kids had made his life pure hell. Just like his usual victims, the spirit had forced them to sign his contracts, giving up their souls to him. At first, everything was going well, except for most of their pestering… But then, when the time had come to kill them, the ghost had made a huge mistake.

He had forgotten how truly magical those Time Pieces were. When the kids had defeated him, crushing his pride as he was forced to hand over his last time artefact… The shade had thrown it to them mindlessly, just thinking about how he wanted them to leave him alone. However, what he didn’t expect was to hear the sound of breaking glass as the item hit the ground. The kids’ face crumpled as the noise echoed all around them and, soon, a white flash blinded the trio. An overwhelming sound resonated in Snatcher’s mind, like a ringing noise becoming louder and louder. His ghostly form was suddenly submerged by a lot of unknown sensations as it started to distort itself. It was weird, it was unpleasant and it was painful. A scream left his mouth as he felt his spectral body changing on its own, making him suffer greatly. It felt so much different than the pain he had experienced while fighting the two children… And yet, somehow, it all felt terribly familiar.

The shade’s body hit the ground, falling after he had stopped floating in the air for some reason. His mind was full of static noise and he barely registered the pain because of it. He couldn’t help but curl up and tremble while he was drowning under so many new sensations. He was probably pathetic, yet the spirit didn’t care. This was absolute torture, it was too much, too much!

His hands grabbed his head, trying to cover his ears as a desperate attempt at blocking the ringing noise. But then, the ghost froze completely. His… Ears? The thought made his entire body grow cold, but it was nothing compared to the realization that his fingers didn’t meet his spectral form.

Instead, they met soft and curly hair.

The shock was enough to bring Snatcher back to reality. He opened his eyes despite the pain attacking his brain and nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared him for what he had to see. He was lying on the ground, shaking like a leaf. He brought back his hands to examine them and oh- those weren’t his hands. An expression of complete horror appeared on his face as he observed the meaty hands in front of him. When he bent each one of the fingers, his terror intensified: he was controlling them. They were connected to arms, meaty arms, which were both connected to him as well. His entire body had nothing to do with his ghostly form anymore. His tail had disappeared, replaced by two legs he couldn’t control very well.

Oh God, no, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. A cry left his mouth and, soon, a burning sensation erupted inside of his chest. Panic settled over him as he grasped at his sides, not knowing what could possibly hurt him so much. He felt like he was dying, again, it hurt, it hurt so much, oh God…!

He suddenly felt two small hands grab his shoulders -ah, what a funny thing to have in the afterlife!-, shaking him back and forth, as a voice forced him to focus on the present. He barely heard his name and other words he had trouble to understand.

-“Breathe!” the voice said, but Snatcher didn’t hear it right the first time. All he knew was that it hurt, it burnt, it was compressing his chest so, so much. The shaking became stronger, faster, and soon, the ghost’s attention turned to the person who was ordering him to breathe. His eyes widened when he saw the hatted brat, crying as she was holding him. Behind her, the shade could see her best friend, looking panicked. When the spirit’s eyes met hers, she quickly joined her hatted friend and, soon, the ghost felt her hands taking his.

The contact was so strange, so soft, so warm…!

-“Snatcher!” screamed the other little girl as she shook him even more: “Open your pecking mouth and breathe!”

The pain was unbearable but, somehow, he finally managed to understand what she was trying to tell him and, not thinking anymore, he just opened his mouth. Survival instincts he thought he didn’t have anymore took over, pushing his rational mind on the side as air filled his lungs. It was weird, it felt strange, it felt so unnatural, and yet… It eased the pain in his chest. The ghost’s stare was lost into space as he felt his body acting on its own, trying to survive.

It was too much for Snatcher. He had no idea what was happening, what was going on around him. He felt something pounding inside him, fast, with a panicked rhythm. His horror came back at full force when he understood what it was.

This was his heart, beating inside his chest, defying every possible logical explanation.

The ghost had come back to life.

Snatcher’s panic was at its highest when the realization hit him hard, like a violent wave knocking him down: he was alive. The thought seemed so absurd, so stupid! How could he be alive when he knew very well he had died hundreds of years ago? He was there, he could testify! And yet, here he was, rocking back and forth as he kept breathing, with a chaotic rhythm.

Everything was just so unbearable. The contact of the clothes against his skin, the feeling of the air caressing his face, the touch of the kids on his body, the feeling of the air passing inside his throat as he filled his lungs, the smells of the forest… He could feel his heart pounding in his chest repeatedly, loud and hard, the pulsations spreading everywhere in his body, but mostly his temples. It hurt so much. The ghost felt like someone was hitting the sides of his brain with a bat, again and again and again… Each sound he was hearing intensified his suffering and, soon, he had to close his eyes, unable to bear any more sensations. The gesture was so foreign to him and was mostly done on instinct. Knowing he had eyelids again… This seemed like a detail and yet it was not. As a ghost, when he closed his eyes, it was just black, pure darkness. Now… He could see the light passing through the thin skin of his eyelids.

He was still seeing something. It just never stopped.

Saliva was piling up in his mouth and he had no idea what to do about it. The idea of having a whole mouth again, a tongue, teeth, a palate, a throat…! It was absolutely surreal. Well, the whole situation was, in fact.

The thought made him freeze suddenly: why did it happen in the first place? His eyes glanced everywhere, trying to find an explanation. As for his mind, it was trying its best to ignore all the new feelings he was experiencing, including the sensation of his eyes moving around. It felt so foreign, so… Disgusting.

His eyes fell on the broken Time Piece on the ground and, all of a sudden, everything just made sense. How did he not understand right away? He wondered, fear and confusion quickly replaced by rage and anger. He lifted his head, staring at the little girls comforting him, clenching his teeth as a single thought echoed in his mind.

Of course, it had to be their fault.

-“What-” the ghost coughed, the saliva in his mouth entering his throat in the wrong way. He had to spit what was left in his mouth to the ground, having no idea how to swallow yet. The kids were watching him carefully, a look of worry and fear on their face as he started to speak again, his voice very low: “What did you do to me?”

His throat vibrated as he said those words, almost making him cough again. It was just so weird.

In front of him, the kids looked at each other with confusion, as if they didn’t understand what he had meant. Snatcher’s rage grew at the observation: oh, so they didn’t get what he was asking? Then he would make them, he thought, threateningly.

-“I swear…” he started once more, a growl in his voice, glaring at the children with fury: “If you don’t tell me what happened or even try to reverse this whole thing… I will kill you both.”

A look of realization crossed the kids’ features at his words. The bow-wearing kid frowned, ready to talk back, but the hatted brat cut her short, even more outraged than her best friend:

-“I’m sorry? You broke the Time Piece!” she retorted, letting go of him and placing both of her hands to her hips: “We didn’t do anything!”

-“You know,” added the other child, in a calmer yet judgemental tone: “you could have given it to us directly instead of throwing it over like that…”

The ghost clenched his jaw harder. Oh, so this was his fault? He let out a dark and raspy laugh at the idea. How hilarious. He opened his mouth again to talk, but another fit of coughing forced him to clench his sides. It hurt. Everything was so intense, so overwhelming, so loud, so painful. He didn’t feel any of that when he was dead! And now it was just so deafening, so crushing!

-“Change… Change it back!” he ordered, having to spit more saliva to the ground not to choke himself with it again. His voice sounded so different to his usual one. First of all, it didn’t have any echo, and second… It sounded much too familiar to him.

It sounded just like when he was alive. Which… Was now the case, again. The thought made him sick. He pleaded any God listening to make this moment as short as possible. He just wanted to be back in his old spectral form, the one he was used to, the one who he felt safe with.

In front of him, the kids frowned, as a look of awkwardness appeared on their face. This made the ghost terribly uncomfortable because it just gave him a very bad feeling about his current situation. They both turned to the Time Piece behind them, which wasn’t broken anymore. When the brats glanced back at him, somehow, the spirit had already guessed what they were about to say.

And he really, really didn’t want to hear it.

-“We…” stuttered the older child, the hatted one, as she was looking for her words. She didn’t seem to find them and her best friend took over, trying to find the best way to announce the bad news to him:

-“We can’t... I’m sorry,” she said, softly, putting her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it gently. It felt awful, the contact was too strong for Snatcher, It was too sensitive, he could even hear the rustling sound of the fabric against her skin! It was loud, too loud.

The words hit Snatcher like a wave, like a violent wave crushing all his hopes down to nothing. They couldn’t. That’s what they had replied to his wish to go back to normal.

They couldn’t.

A nervous laugh left his lips as his brain slowly registered what it all entailed. His laugh quickly died as his mind conjured Moonjumper’s face. Oh, God, how was he going to explain this to him… They didn’t have the best of the relationships and, well, the shade was mostly at fault for that. He had always disliked the other, not knowing exactly why. Perhaps it was because Moonjumper had stolen his body, perhaps it was because the latter had his memories yet wasn’t him. Or, perhaps…

He just hated to look at another version of himself, one that reminded him of his awful and terrifying past. How ironic! Now that he was back in his old body, fully alive, the situation had changed completely!

The spirit didn’t really want the other to see him like this now. He was already dealing with too many things at the moment…

Another thought hit him: what about his minions? How would he even explain that to them? How would they react? They were all a bunch of dead kids, who knew how they would react! There were so many of them and he had no idea how much they would freak out over this whole situation. As for him, he was freaking out a lot. However, another face came to his mind and his became deadly pale.

Vanessa. If he was alive again, he wouldn’t have any powers to fight back against her and the spread of the ice to the forest… This was an absolute nightmare, this couldn’t be happening, this just couldn’t be happening!

His breath rhythm quickened as he started to hyperventilate. His heartbeat followed his panic and he couldn’t help but bring a hand to his chest, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt. A feeling of utter distress engulfed him as he felt an immense fear settling over him. Oh God, what was going to happen now that Subcon was defenceless against the one who had murdered everyone? How would he be able to protect Subcon Forest in this useless and meaty body? He didn’t have his powers anymore, he could feel they were gone! All the souls he had consumed had vanished, as if he had never eaten any! He just felt his heart pounding in his chest, heard the same and awful ringing sound in his mind as it was blinded by so many sensations again. His muscles were growing cold from the shock and he started to tremble again.

This just couldn’t be.

He felt his body being shaken back and forth again, forcing him to pull himself together. In front of him, the older hatted brat was staring at him, worried, just like her younger friend, who started to rub his shoulder again.

-“Snatcher! Snap out of it!” said the hatted kid, very much afraid for him.

-“No…” he murmured, anger slowly replaced by despair: “No, no, no!” he screamed, hating how much his voice sounded so unnatural and human contrary to his usual one: “I can’t be alive again! I can’t be like this!” He yelled, gesturing at himself with a mix of horror and disgust. Snatcher needed to be dead in order to protect Subcon. If he was a human again… How would he be able to fight against Vanessa? Against her magic? Even the littlest problem would become a dangerous threat for the entire forest if he wasn’t there to protect it!

This was the worst possible scenario.

-“I’m sorry…” sympathized the bow-wearing child, still rubbing his shoulder as a way to comfort him. The hatted one was just staring at him, visibly upset, feeling hopeless.

Snatcher shut his eyes hard and clenched his fists, before stopping quickly: the sensation of his nails penetrating his skin was just awful and painful. Everything just hurt too much. Slowly, he felt something leaking from his eyes and he brought his hands to his face, not knowing what it was at first. When his fingers touched his wet cheeks, the realization hit him: he was crying. He, the powerful soul-stealing ghost, who had killed hundreds of people in centuries, was crying! This was just hilarious. How ironic!

… How pitiful.

He let out an insincere and dark laugh at the thought, but it soon transformed into disgusting sobs. He could feel his nose getting stuffed up from the crying and there was a lump in his throat. He tried to stop himself from sobbing even more, because it was just ridiculous and it would absolutely not help him the sightless… Yet, he couldn’t help but let other tears roll onto his cheeks. They were so cold on his skin, even more as the wind caressed his face again.

Why? Why was this happening? Why did it have to happen to him?

More sobs left his mouth as he curled up again, his forehead hitting the ground as he let himself fall forward. He couldn’t hold back the crying, no matter how much he wanted it, how much he found himself utterly pathetic for having such a meltdown, how much he was so weak when he needed to be strong…

The tears just wouldn’t stop.

He soon felt two sets of arms trying to hug him despite his uncomfortable position. But the comfort only made it worse. Snatcher didn’t want to be touched right now. All he wanted was to be dead again!

But apparently life had other plans for him.

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=> Chapter 2

[dranza]

Tarot

Draco x Reader

Word count: 2232

Draco bumps into you in the slytherin common room, late at night. You both find yourself opening up to each other. I just think its cute man.

Warnings: Parent struggles. If there is anymore please let me know!

Glancing at the clock on the wall I realise it's now half past twelve in the morning. I had officially spent over four hours painting my tarot cards, procrastinating from doing my homework is officially one of my skills. Sighing, I slide the card I was working on over to the edge of the table to dry. I then reach for a mint leaf from my pocket and slide it into my mouth, the taste takes me back to being a child and playing in the manor gardens with my Nanny. I'm clearing up my paints as I hear footsteps coming into the hall that leads to the slytherin common room. Scrambling, I hide the paints under the table and pretend to fall asleep over the charms book I was meant to be reading. Recently, Pansy had been taking her prefect duties a little too seriously and had busted me for being out of my dorm room too many times now. I could easily wind her up and make her leave me alone but tonight I just didn't have the energy to hear her rattle on about how ‘we aren't meant to hang in the common room outside of curfew times’. The thing is, I’ve always been a night owl and not wanting to wake up the other girls in my room, I've made a habit of coming down to the common room to have some alone time. 

“Stop being so pathetic, I know you're not asleep y/n” Draco announces in a chuckle as he walks in front of the table I'm at. 

“Oh, what do you want Draco?” I lift my head to look at the white haired boy towering over me.

“Don’t worry, I'm not here to kick you out.” He pulls at a stool with his foot and sits opposite me, picking an apple from the bowl on the side table “I was just coming to pick up a snack. What are you doing awake at this hour anyway?” 

I lift a paintbrush from under the table in response. “I don't even know where to start on the charms essay so I thought I'd add to my collection instead.”

He places his elbows onto his knees and leans closer to the three cards I had set on the edge of the table. “These are pretty good, I didn't know you could paint.” 

“I didnt realise I had to inform you of everything I do.”

Draco huffs contempt, tilting his head a little “fair enough.”

“What are you doing awake?” I ask as I lift my wand and clean my paint brushes.

“Just finished the reading for potions class” he takes a bite from his apple and lifts the middle card.

A confused giggle escapes my mouth and I tease “I didn't know Draco Malfoy actually cared about his grades.”

Under his breath (more to himself than to me) he whispers “my parents would probably kill me if I didn’t.” Switching to a smirk, he echoes my words back to me “Well, I didn’t realise I had to inform you of everything I do.” He places the card back onto the table and drags the subject back to me “anyway, everything you need for the charms paper is in the fourth and fifth chapter.”

“Ah, thankyou.” I open up the charms book to the suggested chapters and place in a book mark. I stretch out my legs and lean back onto the sofa behind me, sitting on the floor for so long has made my legs go dead. “So, do you want me to do a reading?” 

Dracos body stiffens slightly, and he straightens his back. “I don't think so, it's not very accurate anyway is it?” His thin fingers pick at his loose black pajama bottoms for fluff that wasn't there. 

He clearly was one of the people who thought divination wasn’t actual magic. Back at Durmstrang, divination was such a popular subject that I was shocked when I came to England and saw so many columns popping up in The Daily Prophet about it just being a hoax. “Oh, for goodness sake Draco, it is accurate if it's done correctly. One card wont hurt you. Also, accurate or not, at least I'll get some practice.” I offer an encouraging smile.

“Please... my father says it's purely based on chance and calculated guessing. I don't imagine you'll be very good if you've had Trelawney teaching you anyway, the woman is out of her mind.” he says in a huff, scrunching his nose in disgust.

“One card?” I lift my eyes to meet his and pout in an exaggerated way.

He cocks a brow and flashes a look at the cards “one.”

I sit up instantly, leaning to the chair that I dumped my bag on earlier that night and pull out a full tarot deck. I clear the table, shuffle the cards and spread them upside down in a row. “What do you want to know?” 

“Errr,” he squeezes his eyes shut and sways his head trying to think of a question. “What do I need to focus more on right now?” he asks unsurely. 

I smile softly at him, surprised that he actually asked a decent question. “Perfect, now just really concentrate on that question and pick the card you're most drawn to.” He seems to hesitate a bit so I add “Don't think too deeply about it, just go with your instinct.”

He lets out a loud breath as he bows over the table to be closer to the cards. With a single finger he slides a card out slightly from the deck and then sits back, looking down at me tentatively.

Sitting on my knees, I take the card he selected and flip it over. 

“The magician? Really? What may this suggest y/n? Well, we're at school and maybe I need to focus on my magic skills.” he word vomits in such a patronizing manner I resist the urge to punch him.

“Will you just shut up Malfoy! Let me concentrate…” 

He lets out a sharp nose exhale but obeys.

“I think it suggests you have an opportunity to right a wrong, it's something you've been putting off but you finally have all the tools you need to be able to make it happen.” I look away from the card to him but his gaze is locked to his hands now. “This has really been weighing down on you, hasn't it? You just need to focus and manifest on the outcome. Is it… is it to do with your father?”

“What?” he lifts his head in a sharp movement at my final question. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, I told you this is all a load of rubbish. I'm heading back to bed.” He throws his half eaten apple into the bin. “As should you, we have potions first thing tomorrow and I doubt Snape will let you nap in class.”

“I’m sorry Draco…” I break, realising I had touched a nerve. “You don't have to answer me. Don't just… you don't have to leave.”

He runs his fingers through his messy white hair. “I just… well, I’d just rather not focus on that right now.”

 Draco’s father (Lucius Malfoy) is meant to be having his final hearing, for conspiring with Voldemort, this weekend and whispers all about the Malfoy family have been wandering through every hall at Hogwarts. Last year Voldemort had tried to take over the wizarding world and Draco (much to his parents' alarm) had apparently joined Harry Potter in destroying the horcruxes. Still, everyone was questioning his intentions. He has been putting on a brave face but it's obvious he's been more reserved since the news broke out.

“That's ok.” I try a sympathising smile. “I get it, I’m not trying to pry.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the only one then.” he says with a sigh.

I look around to try and change the subject, “what's your favourite colour?” I blurt out. I sink inwardly, was this really the best I could come up with.

Draco smiles, raising a brow. “Black.” he states confidently. 

“Ha, dytto.” I pick at the dry paint on my hands. “It reminds me of ink... and wolves... and outer space.”  

 “Yes, that. Also,  you always look great when you wear black” Draco chuckles softly. “Well, I mean not you personally. Although… I'm sure you also do look great in black. But I mean generally, no one can ever… really go wrong if they’re dressed in black.” A blush creeps up his face as he stammers over his words.

A funny little giggle escapes me as I watch him, a similar pink tinting my face. “I know what you mean.” I nudge his arm slightly, noticing his all black pajamas. “I think there’s still a certain skill in pulling off a black outfit though.” 

Draco picks up one of my paint pots and twists it in his hand, trying to look at anything but me, his blush deepening. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“You know, I would have pinned you more as a bright pink kind of guy myself.” I kick myself for trying to be funny but it lifts his nervousness. 

“Not quite.” His laugh is deep and sensual, sending a warm fuzziness through my body. 

“Do you ever paint?” I ask, signally to the pot in his hand. 

“No. I’ve never done any intricate stuff like this anyway.” he gestures to my cards. “These really are quite amazing.”

“Thankyou.” I try not to stare at his face as he studies my work, but the candle light bouncing off his eyelashes and his soft, bottom lip kind of tucking under his teeth is making it very difficult. “To be honest, I don’t really like them.”

“What? Why?” he shoots at me.

“It’s not very neat around here…” I point at the first card, I’d spent half an hour trying to get the shading right on the bricks of the tower earlier tonight. “And her hair just looks like a wig.” My finger grazes the back of Draco’s hand as I point to the Empress card.

“No it doesn't, plus no one else would notice these things you’re bothering about” 

“My mother will.” Quietly correcting myself, I add “would.” I clear my throat lightly to continue “And she would definitely reveal a few more mistakes as well.” I take in a long breath and rub my eyes. “I know this sounds terrible but sometimes I think it's not so bad that she's gone.” 

“Oh, I'm sorry, I… I didn't know.” He stretches his arm across the table towards me but stops just before his hand touches. “Are you OK?” 

“Yeah, I was never really close to her anyway.” I sadly shrug. I realise I’ve never told anyone else any of this. I'm clearly over-tired. 

“And your father?”

“He died when I was 3, I don't remember him. It’s why I’ve had to move here after my mum passed, Uncle Filius is the only member of my family that would take me in.” 

Draco questions in surprise “So it’s true. You are Professor Flitwick's niece?”

“The one and only.” I give him a side smile. 

“Hmmh, well, I know this means nothing… but I don’t think it's all that terrible that you don't feel bad you mother is gone. Sometimes parents aren’t as perfect as they seem.” Draco clicks his fingers and continues, “As you probably know, I’m meant to be meeting my dad this weekend. I have no idea how to explain myself to him. The last time...” Draco stops abruptly at the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway. Two 3rd year students walk in carrying a whole load of sweets whispering to each other in rapid conversation. Draco swiftly stands and informs them that they cannot be out of their dorms so late. They try to oppose but after a stern look from the tall, blonde-haired prefect they give in and return. He takes a second before turning back to me and saying “I think we both ought to go back to our beds as well, it has gotten quite late.”

I look up at him confused, “don't you want to finish what you were saying?”

He shakes his head while holding out a hand to me. “Maybe another time. I’m guessing this won't be the last time we bump into each other, here at this hour.”

I accept his tight grip and with a strong motion he lifts me from the ground. “No, I hope not anyway. This was nice.” I squeeze his hand gently before letting it go and picking up my things. 

His hand combs through his thick hair as he smiles shyly “It was.” He waits as I pick up the last of my books and we walk out together. As we get to the end of the hallway he stops and looks down at me, “are you sure you don't need help taking that stuff up?” I shake my head and with that he yawns. “Well then… good night y/n.” 

“Goodnight Draco.” I glance back as I’m walking up to my room and catch his eyes looking back at me. He instantly pulls his gaze away and for some reason I feel a little disappointed. Goodness me, was I really forming a crush on the Draco Malfoy?

Im writing a few different one shots that can be read on their own or in order for a full story. Here’s the masterlist!

[shhhhhskars]

Intimate Things happen in Pools.

Ask that inspired it 1.  / Ask that inspired it 2.  Intimate. BBQ/Pool Day. Age Gap tings. Family Lovin’ (Bill & Valter). Angst. Tension. Awkward early stages with Alexander. Words: 1,643. Sometimes you just need some...sof, intimate Alex tings..as always, hope you enjoy. 

“Valter, if you keep staring at me, I will absolutely throw your ass in here. That’s a promise.”

Alexander launched the soft blow-up ball into the air, directly towards his younger brother who was stretched out on one of the sleek, wooden pool chairs. Valter was living his best life, with sun screen slathered down his nose and cheekbones. He sported some worn, beige camouflage swim trunks and a crisp white tee. The ball hit his leg and bounced off, and he had to raise his tortoise Ray-Bans off his face, to the top of his head, to really comprehend what the fuck was good with this old idiot. He cursed something awful in Swedish, giving Alexander a good glare.

“Fucker. I was not staring at you two...whatever the hell two are. I was just about to fall asleep.”

“Valteeeer, that mouth....that mouth..” Alexander warned with a jokey tone.

You stifled a laugh at their exchange, they were holding off giggles of their own. You two were not low, and you were both trying entirely too hard to be.

“That mouth, that mouth.” Valter imitated in low, annoying whine. “Suck my di..”

“AYE. Watch your mouth, there are children around,” Bill interrupted, leaving Valter with his foot in his mouth, but Bill beckoned his head towards you with a little smirk. You were much younger than the man you came with, closer in age to his youngest brother. Bill was trying to be funny and you scoffed, rolling you eyes at him. “Get off me.” you snapped back at him with a small smile. It was clearly meant it to be a joke, and Bill received it, pleased with your little attitude, chuckling under his breath at the exchange. Alexander shot you two a glance from the side of his eye, shifting in the water, clearing his throat a little awkwardly.

Shady Boots, Bill, shady boots.

It was no surprise that Valter was stealing glances at you and Alexander, though. It was still so new, and the whole thing had you two moving...goofy. You were both in the large, heated pool, but maintained a odd distance, just enough to be in range to comfortably speak to each other, but yet far enough to look like separate floating entities.

You were doing your thing, enjoying the cool water on your skin, and the feeling of the sun on your face. Usually chlorine nauseated you, but today, mixed with the smell of IPA and the char from the grill, it covered you with pure joy. But still...this was freakishly new for you. Yes, you’d met his friends, and it was fine, casual, calm. Everyone was cool, there were a few raised eyebrows, but all in all, it went well. But when he mentioned the word family- that was a whole new ball game entirely.

The Virgo Man. The eldest, who wore that title with pride. The one who wants harmony between his siblings, even when they’re all distracted with their six different projects. Always sending something in the group chat to try and get everyone together. The strong friend. That was Alexander, that was his assumed role. So....yes, it was a lot.

Somehow, he had convinced you to tag along to a backyard barbecue at his brother’s place. You had hesitated, when you saw the text message, but it was hard to resist, what were you doing anyway? And now here you were, in a tiny black bikini in Bill’s pool, on a deliciously warm Summer evening. It was a slew of them, and they were all different in their own way, that was Alexander’s disclaimer.

But even with the distance...you two were giddy for each other. The tension and chemistry that floated between you two made the air feel thick, even though you were outside. It didn’t take much to pick up on it, the buzz between you two. Even with the distance... Alexander gazed over at you. He ran his tongue over his lips, you looked so good soaking wet, and so did he.

And the water. The water played a whole different part in the sensation between you two. You were both tanning from being in there for some time, and his shoulders were turning a golden shade that looked good enough to eat. Smooth and supple skin with the beads of water that clung to it. A rosy blush was permanently forming over his nose and cheeks. The sunlight reflecting off of the water made his eyes look even more light blue than usual, and you couldn’t help but lick your lips, tasting the water on your face.

He wasn’t shocked to see your body, if anything, it excites him. You looked good, almost naked, bikini hugging over your hips and curves. You felt exposed. But there was a part of you that wanted to feel sexy like this in front of him. Your smooth rich skin was desperate to be out for the Summer.

Now and again, a slew of murmurs and whispers would come shuttling out from your corner of the pool. You would swim closer to him, and he’d grab at your ankle under the water, pulling you dangerously low and closer to him.

“Think they’re fucking?” Valter whispered to Bill, nonchalantly swiping through his Twitter feed.

“Of course they’re fucking.” Bill responded without hesitation, swiping his tongue across his bottom lip.

It’s invigorating and tempting, all at once, being this close to Alexander in the water, and you wrap an arm around him, coming entirely too close to his face, examining the beauty that is him. You’re both drunk off of the feeling, smiling like goofballs, you biting at your lip to stop yourself from grinning too hard. But your cheeks hurt, from all the smiling. His eyelashes are slick with water, coated, little drops sitting on them like morning dew on a leaf. It amazes you once again how men always seem to have the best fucking eyelashes, and you move your arm from around him.

“Your lashes. They are so long. Put me on to your secret,” you said with a little giggle, wadding to keep yourself up. He glanced back over at Valter and Bill. Bill’s head buried in a book, Valter, snoozing lightly, and he reached for your hips under the water, grabbing you into him again. “Yeah? You wanna know my secret?” he taunts in a low voice, pulling you awfully close to his body in the water. You’re in the deeper side of the pool, far away from his siblings, and you feel terrified and flushed all at once, from not being able to put your feet on the ground. It’s an intoxicating feeling, and the breeze is blowing harder now, a little chill coming into the air. Hair slick on your back, the wind sends a shiver down your spine, and you shudder outwardly in the water, wrapping your legs around his waist, putting your arms around his neck. He holds you steadily in the water. 

“I’ll tell you tonight. Alright?” he whispers with a swallow, slowly swiping his tongue over his light pink lower lip. You sigh into his touch, of the feeling of his large hands holding your waist and cradling your lower back in the water, Your eyes on his lips and that tongue, following it as it entered and exited his perfect mouth. You squeezed your legs tighter on him, taking another small breath and giving him a shaky little nod. “Okay.” you replied simply. You didn’t know what that meant explicitly...but yet, you did. Something was coming tonight, you had the urge to release the tension you felt gathered in the pit of your stomach, just below your belly button. You never broke eye contact, and you so badly wanted to put your tongue on his, you could feel yourself getting wet even in the water. But Bill. And Valter.

It hit you all at once- you felt tired, exhausted and worst of all- frustrated. “Hey...can you..?” you nudged your head towards the shallow side of the pool, beckoning for him to carry you out. He scanned your face it like he always did, and as if he could sense how you felt, he nodded. You were ready to be taken out, and he knew it. “I got you..” he said firmly, swimming you both easily over to the more shallow side, your body steady on his  and close to him under the water. 

You wanted a warm shower...or maybe a cold one. He had you so easily, weightlessly, even though you were acting as a stagnant weight on him. You let him take you, and before you knew it, you were back on the shallow side, and that awkward, painful distance was returned again. Another cold, chilly breeze blew, and some of the solar lights were staring to flicker on, the night beginning to fall. You glanced at Alexander, only to see a look of pure primal need on his face, eyes gazed over, nibbling on the side of his lip. He was hot and bothered, silently trying to collect himself after that little exchange in the corner. You, felt the same, flushed, and you tried to mask it, averting your eyes away from his. The passion between you burned at an all time high.

“Any longer, you two will turn into floaties, or some shit.” Valter cracked, shamelessly breaking the silence with a snicker. It was silent for such a while, it was strange hearing someone break it. Bill looked up from his novel with a small, knowing grin, his eyes shifting between you and Alexander, making you uncomfortable. You groaned at Valter’s comment, and also, Bill’s eyes, silently using them as a reason to trudge yourself out of the pool and head for the outdoor shower area, with Alexander at your heels.

[sidespromptblog]

Liar: Part 3

One, Two, Four, Five, Six, and End.

Summary: In the midst of a breakdown, Deceit comforts Logan. It is while doing so that Logan decides that if the others can't accept him for him... then he'll just be what Deceit is... another liar.

Word Count: 2220

At first, there was nothing but a blinding light, there was nothing but light and a blistering warmth that rubbed all over his skin in both the worst but also the best kind of ways. He felt warm, warmer than he ever had since he had been formed, it took a solid few minutes for his eyes to adjust to the blinding light of everything around him, forcing him to squint as he remained huddled there his fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt. When he could finally crack his eyes open blinking away the sunspots in his vision, he saw three separate people openly staring back at him with a strange look on each of their faces. The one in white and red had reached for something at his side, while the one in black and purple had scrunched the strings of his hoodie to the point that his knuckles were barebone and as white, as could be, while the last one in grey and blue…

He had liquid dripping down his face?

“Who are you?” The one in white demanded his lips curling upward in what could only be described as the motion a horrible beast made before sinking its teeth into the flesh of its prey. Had it not been for the shaking and trembling of his shoulders, and the way that his hand spasmed over the hilt of his weapon he would have thought that he was just mere seconds away from being slaughtered where he stood. “Who are you?! Speak!” He barked out again, as a strange look spasmed over his face like an ugly scar that made his brows furrow and his eyes look impossibly dark.

He couldn’t help but to flinch back as if he had just been slapped, at the sheer loudness of the other’s voice, his shoulders hunching up instinctively as he took a half-step away from him. The noise that sprung up from his throat wasn’t the most… intellectual noise, but it was a noise that accurately portrayed the situation that he was in right now. He didn’t understand, he didn’t get it. What were they? What were these looks on their faces? Why were they acting so.. so hostile towards him? What was this sensation in his chest?

Why was his heart racing in such a way, and why did his hands feel so clammy?

Swallowing thickly his hands twisted the material of his shirt, the other had asked a question and it was the only question that he knew the answer to. “I…” He curled, even more, in on himself as the line of the other’s mouth set in a deep line, “I am Logic.”

Almost immediately he knew that this was the wrong thing to say.

“You are NOT!” A sharp hiss came from his right, and if he hadn’t been backing away from the group of three before, then he most certainly was now. As the black and purple dressed side that had been pulling on the strings of his hoodie, clutched them all the tighter as he stalked off the final step of the stairs rounding in on him. The look on his face really didn’t match the glossy look in his eyes though, as the other side roughly poked at his chest making him take a step back each time. “You are not Logan! You might as well show yourself now Deceit, because this most certainly isn’t funny! This is going too far for even me Deceit. Stop. It. Stop it now!” By the end of his spiel, he soon enough found his wrist captured by the other side, with a single rough gesture ensuring that he couldn’t take a single step away from any of them.  

The feeling of his heart thudding in his chest only got worse and worse the longer that he stood before them, his lungs struggling to catch even the slightest bit of oxygen while his hands got clammier and clammier. What was wrong with him? Was he malfunctioning?

Did he need to be replaced already?

“Please,” Attempting to squirm and pull his wrist free of the other’s grip was more useless than anything else, and yet he tried to do so anyway. “I.. I don’t know who Deceit is! I’m Logic! I am! Please! Pleasepleasepleaseplease!” He didn’t understand… he really didn’t understand. Why couldn’t he see now? Why couldn’t he get the rest of his words out, his throat felt so clogged up and so.. broken, why couldn’t he speak? Why couldn’t he remain calm? What was wrong with him? What was wrong with him?

Why was he broken?

“I’d appreciate it if you released my protege right now Anxiety.”

Logan’s icy cold voice broke through the silence that had only been broken by Logic’s desperate whimpers as he had attempted to pull away from Virgil again and again to no avail. However, the moment that he had made himself known, Virgil’s grip had gone slack allowing Logic’s hand to slip free before he practically threw himself away from the anxious side, and right towards Logan’s waiting arms. A feeling unlike any other burned inside of Logan’s chest, as he felt the sheer amount of trembling taking over his protege’s entire body. He was shaking like a leaf in the wind, as he buried his face into Logan’s shoulder, his white-knuckled fingers digging into Logan’s leather jacket as he pitifully sniffled.

“Loga-”

“Shut. It.” Logan hissed darkly, watching as the exuberant smile on Patton’s face withered and died at the purely rage-filled look that Logan shot at him. Running his fingers through Logic’s hair he turned his attention away from the others, not even offering them a second glance or even the slightest explanation of why he looked so different than he had from just a day ago. “What you’re experiencing right now, is fear. The common side effects of this emotion include the brain becoming hyperalert, the pupils dilate, the bronchi will dilate and your breathing will accelerate beyond comfortable measures. You might have noticed it, but your heart rate and blood pressure will also rise. This is normal,” Logan softly instructed, the memory of the first time he had experienced fear was not a pleasant one, and he’d been forced to learn just what it meant all by himself. “Take a breath, and just breathe. Listen to my voice.”  

“This is normal… this is normal…” Logic softly parroted back, his words alone muffled by the material of Logan’s jacket in an effort to block himself from the view of the other three sides.

It took a while, but eventually, the tremors that raked through Logic’s body dulled to a slight shiver as Logan continued to speak in the calm soothing manner that left no room for argument among the other sides. That didn’t mean that Logan’s furious anger towards the others had diminished any though, if anything seeing the worn-out and terrified state of this new Logic had made him even angrier at the others for just how badly they handled the situation in general. Honestly, he had thought that they couldn’t get any worse when it came to those who held the title of Logic, but really… this just proved how wrong he really was about the whole thing.

For a moment he felt a surge of protectiveness swell in his chest as he squeezed the new Logic tighter, “Go on and sit on down, they aren’t going to bother you right now. Relax.” Gesturing towards the couch, Logan watched as Logic squeezed past Roman his fists clenched so tight that his nails were cutting into his palms. That sour feeling only burned hotter the second that Logic flinched away from the creative side the very second that Roman had moved in order to give Logic some space, it burned inside of him like an inferno that would take everything with it.

“Logan!” Roman blurted out, the very second that Logic had taken his seat scrunching his knees right up to his chest as he stared at the floor, “Just what is going on?! Why is a new Logic here?! What happened to your face?! Why are you suddenly so fashionable?!” Out of everything that Roman could have been concerned about of course that was what he had chosen to focus on, the fact that now… now of all times, Logan had chosen to upgrade his wardrobe to something that wasn’t his usual shirt and tie.

Of course.

Irritation stung in Logan’s chest as he regarded all of them cooly, the eyes that were hidden behind his sunglasses narrowed and as sharp as glass. His lips pressed themselves into a thin as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, and just looking at them, he could see all of their lies as clear as day written all over themselves. Every lie that he had ever come to believe in with such a minimal effort despite what common sense should have told him, and every lie that had apparently been for the “greater good”. His greater good apparently. Just the very notion made that liquid hot sensation of rage lick at his insides like a wild serpent rearing its head back ready to strike at anything and everything that moved.

“Logan…” Patton softly whispered, as he slowly inched closer to Logan. Holding his hand up he moved to touch the scales that curled around Logan’s neck and right over the slope of his nose, the scales sparkled like freshly gleaming silver. The look of tears remained in Patton’s eyes, no matter how he tried to blink them away. “What did you do?”

Logan’s lips quirked distastefully downward, “I,” Logan hissed sourly as he promptly swatted Patton’s hand away, “Am Deceit now, accept it or deny it. But that is who I am, and Logic is who he is… and that’s that.”

“Why?” Virgil demanded as he stepped forward, his lips curling into his infamous snarling scowl as his fists clenched and unclenched. He looked like he wanted to punch Logan right in the face, and not much else than that. “Why?!”

Something akin to cold impassiveness fell over Logan’s face as his empty stare hidden behind his sunglasses remained as cold as ever. It made something inside of Virgil tremble, not necessarily out of fear, but something a lot closer to heartbreak than anything having to do with his primary function. He didn’t know that such a look could ever exist on Logan’s face, let alone directed towards him.. towards any of them really. He felt almost as if he were looking at a different person entirely, he wasn’t even sure if he could even blame Logan for this despite how much he wanted to. They… they hadn’t exactly been nice to Logan in the passing months, he had assumed that Logan merely hadn’t noticed it, as if that meant they could keep doing it to him.

Since when had he started to notice though? Since when had he cared?

“Having falsehoods disguised as truths by those you cared for more than anything in the world can hurt Anxiety,” Logan frigidly answered, his posture just as straight and stiff as it always had been. “I no longer wished to have the wool pulled over my eyes, is that such a hard thing to believe that I would want? Is it so hard to believe that I could get tired of your constant degrading remarks? Or were you simply unaware that I would ever get tired of you?”

That stung. Virgil reared back as if he had just been slapped, his eyes widening at the heartless words that Logan had so carelessly thrown at him as it had meant nothing at all.

He.. he didn’t truly mean it though, did he? Logan of all people couldn’t mean such a thing… right? This was Logan, the one who always spouted off logical facts about space when he was excited and whenever Virgil needed something to ease his anxiety towards a situation. Logan had always… he had… he had always taken the harsh words that any of them had to say, with only the mumbled words of a “diss track” falling from his lips without any real heat to it. Logan… who had long since decided that arguing against their jokes and their nicknames just wasn’t worth it? Logan who… felt hurt by them all.

“But we’re family Lo! You can’t just.. just change things like this!” Patton blurted out, growing more and more distressed by the silent tears that now ran down Virgil’s cheeks, he could feel his own heart breaking at the situation before him. But even more so at the complete lack of ways to stop it from happening, “Apologize to Virgil right now, Lo. You don’t talk to family like that!”

“Lie.”

For a second Patton sputtered, “What?”

The darkness of Logan’s expression was extremely telling as his knuckles cracked with how much force he was gripping his own arm with, “That was a lie you just said Patton,” He growled, finally turning from Virgil to round in on their resident happy pappy moral side, the rage he had felt only a moment ago dwarfed in the utterly chaotic feeling of betrayal he was experiencing right this very second. “You just lied to me…”  

[bisexualterror]

me n @bravelittleflower were talking about our crossovers and then i wrote this. hope u like it babe. (also it’s been years since ive watched anything tvdverse so forgive me if it’s ooc)

When Nova got the call, she was having a really good dream about Aldis Hodge and Megan Fox, like - a really good dream - so she was naturally upset by someone interrupting said dream by calling her at one am in the morning

“What the fuck is it now?” Nova answered the call without looking to see who it was - these assholes couldn’t give her one night off could they?

“It’s Grace. They took Grace.” The voice said, their voice clipped with an edge of utter desperation to it.

She recognized the voice after a few moments, it was Kol.

Nova sat up in bed and pulled on her sweat pants in five seconds flat, using her shoulder to hold her phone to her ear as she pulled on her combat boots and a nearby leather jacket.

“Who took Grace? Do you know where? And where are you?” Please nature below her, don’t let him do anything too stupid.

“My wench of a mother and cretin of an older brother took her. To try to control me, like I’m a bloody dog.” She heard him say, and wanted to scream at their fucking never ending luck but if she was deal with fucking Esther she was going to need a cool head.

She ran out of her room, leather satchel in hand, almost stopping to get Bonnie but the last thing she wanted was for her sister to get tangled in more Mikaelson drama after the week she’s had, so she crept past her room, hoping her twin would forgive her.

“They made it clear that if I tried anything they were going to hurt her. More than they have already.”

“Fuck,” she muttered in reply, getting a strangled noise of agreement in response.

Fuck cool heads she guessed?

She felt more than saw Merlin creep up behind her, following her as she walked out of the apartment complex and into the streets of New Orleans still alive as a mix of regular party goers and tourists bar hopped.

Nova didn’t have to go far as Kol appeared in front of her, his appearance far more manic than he sounded on the phone. There was a bloody hole in the his shirt, tears fell down his face and he looked ready to kill someone.

“Do you know where she is?” Nova asked, the sight tugged at her heartstrings sure, but she was more interested in getting Grace back.

Kol paused, appearing to think on the question, a snarl on his lips as he realized something.

“Yes.”

She picked up Merlin and grabbed a hold of Kol’s shoulder. “Good. You Superman speed us to the area and I.. will take care of the rest.”

Esther has crossed a line. She was so fucking done playing nice.

Kol for once in their entire friendship didn’t protest or joke about her demanding requests and did as told.

When the supernatural Uber drive was over she was glad she had three tight french braids in her hair.

She looked around and rolled her eyes when she noticed it was the cemetery, someone was very lacking in the originality department.

Merlin left her arms but not without scratching her hands - which, fair, but she noted with a pleased look in her eyes that he didn’t make any noise as he got to tracking Grace on his own.

Nova followed Kol instead of Merlin, after so many years she was in tune with her Familiar enough to know that they were on the same page.

She pulled out some vials out of her bag as they walked, popping the cork on them before downing all of them at once.

It tasted like dirt, brussel sprouts and vegemite put together to make a vomit inducing dish, but still she swallowed. It would in theory fend off the threat of Magical exhaustion for at least an hour.

In theory, it could also just be giving her bad breathe.

When they were close to the somewhat familiar Mausoleum, she halted and grabbed Kol’s shoulder before he could storm inside.

“Wait,” she whispered, despite knowing it was useless and that if Finn had not heard heard them, his mother had definitely felt her arrival.

But still she waited for just a moment, and watched Kol grow increasingly impatient, ready to shake her off and storm inside but it wasn’t long before they appeared.

Finn seemed bemused by the sight of her, as she dropped her bag to the ground, or maybe it was her lacy pajama top not doing it for him?

Esther for her part seemed serene at the situation, but considering their last interaction, she wondered if the elder Witch was just really good at hiding her fear.

“You handle your bootlicker brother. I’ll take care of your mother.” Again, she thought but did not say to Kol who grinned at Finn with a joyfully maniacal look in his eyes.

“With pleasure,” Kol replied, wasting no time in charging towards his brother.

“I thought I was really fucking clear about what would happen if you tried to use or hurt me and the people I love again, Esther!” Nova yelled against the high winds that she supposed the opposing Witch thought would stop her.

“The girl was the only way to control Kol and his violent impulses,” Esther said, showing no regret on her face. Annoyingly serene.

She kept her booted feet firmly on the ground as she slowly walked towards the older woman, who she saw had put up a boundary spell on the place Grace was being held inside.

She smiled though, making a frown appear on Esther’s face, it was much too late for that; her Familiar had made his way inside when their eyes and ears had been focused on Kol and Nova.

He would help and protect her until they could get inside.

Nova, tired of the wind making her long braids hit her in her face, broke the other woman’s concentration by setting the grass at her feet on fire, the wind only making the flames grow until it burned at Esther’s clothes.

Nova felt herself being pushed by an invisible source back and well, she’d give the older Witch credit were credit was due, her reaction time was perfect.

Nova didn’t move as the force kept her painfully writhing on the ground. She even smiled, baring her teeth happily as Esther came closer until she stood above her.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” Esther said, something like pity on her face.

“That’s funny, I was about to say the same thing.” Nova finally broke the forceful hold on her, and stood up quickly grabbing the older woman’s throat with telekinesis before she could move back another inch.

“Corporis potestatem claudere, virtus in medio eius claude,” she whispered the chant at first before growing louder and louder.

Poor Esther grabbed at her chest, searching for her powers now locked away inside her and let out a wail of pure frustration when she could feel it but couldn’t quite grasp at it.

It would come back eventually of course, couldn’t keep a Witch from her natural born gift for long. Which is why Nova was quick to move on to the next spell.

“Anima mea in sempiternum, erit abierunt,” Nova chanted, all but shouting, the words of the spell making Esther to look up at her with pure horror in her eyes.

She ignored the look and continued to wrap her Magic around the Soul in the body Esther was inhabiting until she felt her grip was strong enough to pull.

Nova flinched back at the noise of both Esther and Finn’s screams, but only watched somewhat impassively as the body seemed to glow from within until the light died and dropped to the ground. Empty.

She walked over the body and ran to the Mausoleum to find Grace, tears eyed and already at the boundary, the rope on her wrists chewed off by Merlin.

“N-nova?”

“Hey, Grace,” she said lightly, tapping at the boundary with her Magic until it broke like a hammer to glass. “Fancy seeing you here!”

Grace half laughed half sobbed at her terrible attempt at levity and dropped into her open arms, shaking like a leaf in the reincarnated girl’s arms.

Kol soon appeared by her side, his wounds still healing even as he offered Grace his blood to heal her many wounds.

“What did you do, to Mother?” Kol quietly asked, holding Grace to his chest as she fed from him.

“...don’t worry, all you need to know is that her spirit won’t ever haunt us or anyone else ever again,” she replied just as quietly, almost smiling as a look of wariness and fear spread across Kol’s face.

What? It was funny. She could only hope it served as a reminder to him that her threats of castration were very real if he ever chose to harm a hair on Grace’s head.

“Fuck I’m starving! Is anyone else hungry? I’m craving steak!”

[missbecky]

So this is going to be a long post, as this has been a string of events that all kind of tie together, and I'm posting it here to write down tomorrow after I sleep on it. Writing it here is easier than handwriting.

Initially, wanting to be able to read tarot cards is what drew me to witchcraft, I've always felt drawn to tarot. Always. So I finally start dipping my toe in, and the more I research the more my entire life makes sense all the sudden. So getting started has been great, and I honestly don't know what my path is yet, but I feel like I'll end up wherever I'm supposed to be, so that's all fine.

I kept reading about working with deities, and that felt right to me. After all kinds of research, the only "name" (and there are a crap ton of deities), that really resonated with me was "ancient ones" which can basically be anything, apparently. Okay, fine, I can deal with that. I attempt to reach out to said "ancient ones" for any kind of sign that I'm supposed to be working with deities, or not. If I am, I wanted to know who these "ancient ones" were.

Immediately after I did that, I then went searching for guided meditation to go to sleep (I pretty much can't sleep without meditation). YT music's auto-guess of what I was searching after I type in mediations was "guided meditation spirit guides." I have a chuckle and go ahead and select it. The first one that popped up (which I want to point out, the next time I searched this exactly the same way, this did not happen again), was something like guided Visualization to contact your spirit guides before bed by Jason Stephenson. Again, I'm like what are the odds? So I pick it. I proceeded to get grounded and centered, and then as the guided visualization led to the first Spirit guide, it was like pure chaos, a flurry of images and words and the only thing I caught isn't even a word, but it sounded like "mawn-mooht" (in my head when I heard it, I interpreted it as being spelled Monmut, but idk). Then the next spirit guide I only saw flowers. They were beautiful, but not particularly informative. Then the third was like hitting a wall, and I got the very distinct impression that I was either not allowed to see, not ready to see, or both. So I make mental notes of all of this because I decided instead of walking myself up to write it down, I needed to sleep, that was what I was intending on doing, and what the meditation was made for. So I continued to go with it.

The dream was weird, and I took the time to write it all out, but to save time right now I'll skip it. Ultimately, I saw that I was indeed not ready to see, the dream showed me specifically one way that I wasn't ready yet. I still have a lot of work to do on me before I'm ready to work with a deity. Ok, fine, point made. Whatever. (See, lots of work on me still)

Well my dumb-ass is like, LeT's MaKe TaRoT cArDs AnD CaLl On ThE AnCiEnT OnE tO hElP (that it was specifically decided that I wasn't ready to do). So I spend two f***ing days making these tarot cards, they're tiny and weird and I just absolutely adore them. Like even now, I get the warm and fuzzies just thinking about them. I wasn't going to do more than the basics for getting the cards ready. But again, this dumb ass... So they're done, I'm in love with them, but they're off, they don't feel right. I decide they need dirt or something to feel better. Then I'm like, but they also need coarse salt. Then before I know it, I have them in a spell jar, essentially, with a bay leaf, cinnamon, marjoram, and some other things that just "seemed" right. There was no rhyme or reason to what I was adding (and yet the intent I ended up focusing on actually made the ingredients make a lot of sense, except the dirt, can't figure that one out). I basically willed foresight, insight, luck, and purity into my cards. And weirdly I thought I should protect them in case an entity with ill will attempts to influence them (and TBH, I don't even know if that's a thing, but I promised my mom I would when she found out I was making tarot cards. We live in a tiny house, and when you're taping for 2 days, people ask what you're doing. Weird). So then I set them on the windowsill to be charged by the moon. Great, super excited to sleep with them tomorrow and then use them!

So then I'm on Tumblr, and first post that pops up is a lady giving free readings. What the hell, why not? So I send her my name, sun sign, and requested the divine presence (I think it was called), to determine which deities were connected to me. She does it, apparently it's not good news. Something that sounds like a parasite. I spend a good few hours freaking out because of what I did with my tarot cards. Then I realized I don't know what the cards mean, and proceed to look them up. It was basically a checklist of all the shadow work I need to do. Funny enough one of the cards was 6 of cups, and all the cups were filled with flowers, which correlated with what I saw when I did the guided Visualization.

I then realize, this is probably yet ANOTHER sign that I need to slow my roll and work on me. I'm the parasite on my own damn self. So I'm going to be focusing on the basics for a while, meditation, grounding, and just like learning shit. And I guess I'm going to be doing shadow work... Yay...

I should have known that was always going to be where it led, the second I learned what shadow work was, I'm like, yeah, don't sign me up for that. Then the powers that be were all like, watch this. Fuuuuuucccccckkkkkk. Also, when I first got into all this, it was more about self exploration, so yeah, should've known....

[womanoflettersinthebunker]

John wasn't sure how long he stared at the impala, just mesmerized by the beauty that she was sitting there.

She looked exactly the same as he remembered. Black, gleaming, and just pure perfection. He'd always loved her and he was sure that if he managed to turn the engine on, she would purr just as good as she had before.

He remembered the first time he saw her, being driven into the shop he had been working at after coming back from Vietnam. He had noticed the car first, unable to look away, she was that beautiful that no mechanic could resist her. Even with a flattened front there was no doubt of the beauty within.

But then the drivers door opened and the real beauty came out; as graceful as a dancer, hand trailing over the door, and leaning against the side with a slightly sheepish smile.

"I got into an accident." she had said, laughing and the sound of her voice, the sound of her voice. Was like bells ringing, like the beginning notes of the classical music his mother had enjoyed listening to, like the promise of all that was good in the world.

He had been hooked, line and sinker, those very first seconds and he had to move fast because apparently so were the other men.

He didn't make a fool out of himself, barely. He didn't stumble over his words, because he barely got any out. By some miracle he hadn't dropped his tools on his foot as she leaned against her car watching him work. Whenever he would look up to her green eyes on him she'd smile and his stomach would spin in ways he hadn't thought possible.

He hadn't been scared when he was in Vietnam. He was terrified of this woman and nothing had even happened yet.

But what was most terrifying was if he let her go without even trying to have her in his life.

So he swallowed his pride, his senses, and everything in between and tried to talk to her. She found him funny, laughing as he spoke and of course her laughter sounded like bells chiming in the wind.

And by some miracle he managed to ask her out on a date, just as he finished working on her car.

By some bigger miracle she agreed and he had raced home to wash up and be presentable enough for what she deserved, barely able to remember all those lessons his mother had drilled into his head about manners that Vietnam shot right out of him.

Taking a deep shuddering breath John forced himself to stop thinking about the past, forced himself to push past everything and focus on what was right in front of him.

But when he remembered what that demon had said that Mary was...that Mary was...

He couldn't even think it without the threat of losing his lunch and sanity.

So he focused on the car, forcing himself to move closer to it. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch it, flinching back as if he had been burned before he reached to touch it once more, fingers gliding over the cool metal.

He walked around the car, keeping his hand on it, stopping at the window to the backseat, just staring into that leather clad seating.

The amount of hours and nights they had spent in that backseat. The place where Dean was most likely-

He closed his eyes and breathed in deep, the nails in his other hand digging hard enough into his palm for it to hurt. The pain grounded him enough that he could try to focus a bit more.

He finally walked to the trunk and he reached for the hood, trying to open it. He knew that he needed a key to do it.

But he also knew a small trick to open it as well, remembering being taught this by her. He reached under the perch, feeling around for the latch and pressed hard on it and pushing it to the side. The trunk opened up and before he could chicken out he brought it open completely.

He wasn't sure what to expect once he opened it. Maybe a body, maybe some sort of blood and parts that showed that the car belonged to nothing more than a pair of demons.

Instead, all he saw was a mess of clothes, books, what looked like personal items, and other things. There were a few weapons in here, and yes, some were covered in blood, but it didn't look out of place of being a hunters trunk.

His hands were shaking a part of him noted but he reached in, starting to look through the things. He moved the clothes around, looking them over for anything of interest. They were all mens clothes and the only thing somewhat interesting about them was that some of them had flecks of blood on them.

He put the clothes to the side and kept looking.

He looked over the weapons but they also were deemed unimportant, run of the mill blades and guns. Nothing magical or demonic about any of them.

Underneath those was when things got a bit more interesting. There were a few books, old looking and heavy, written in languages he couldn't make out. Those were for Bobby to make heads and tails of.

He picked up some of the books and started to leaf through some of them, just to see if they had anything he could understand. He froze however when he got to the middle, it had been bookmarked and dogeared, showing just how many times they've gone to this page.

But most importantly...it had a picture of Mary pressed between the pages.

Hand shaking he touched the plastic of the picture, fingers stroking over her face. Obviously someone else had taken it because it showed three people. He recognized the child, he'd know that child anywhere, grinning and wrapping his arms around Mary tightly, leaning into her as best as he could but also trying not to jostle her.

Because Mary was also holding onto another baby who was staring up at the camera, or whoever was holding the camera, in wonder. She was holding the baby close to her, one arm wrapped around it and the other holding onto Dean to keep him from falling.

He quickly checked the timestamp of the picture, it was ten months after the both of them had disappeared from his life. And the fact that the baby looked to be between two and three months.

He had another son.

He flipped it over instinctively, staring at the words written by someone. Mary, Dean, Samael.

Sam. Dean.

He had two sons.

He had two sons.

A choked sound escaped him and he put the picture back, not wanting to risk ruining it. His hand came to cover his mouth as he tried to compose himself.

His two sons were raised in hell, one born in hell.

And alone for a majority of the time if the demon had been honest with them because Mary was-

He closed his eyes and put the book back into the truck, gripping the edges of it to try to ground himself.

Gently moving the book to the side John kept looking through it, not sure of what else he was going to find. His fingers ran over the sides of the truck, stopping when he realized he could dip them in.

A false floor at the bottom of the trunk, hidden by everything else on top. Meaning, something big. He slid his fingers under the catch and slowly started to lift it up.

Only to be pushed away from the car and thrown to the ground hard enough for all the air to escape him, head slamming against the floor so that his vision swam. Groaning he moved to get up, stopping when he felt a boot being pressed down against his chest.

"So you're John Winchester." a female voice spoke, pressing down harder onto his chest to keep him in place. "You are one unlucky son of a bitch."

John forced his eyes to open, staring at the short blonde haired girl above him. She smiled back down at him, eyes completely black.

"Hi, I'm Meg." the demon told him. "And I'm here to get a bigger reward from the boys than they previously thought."

She grinned at him. "I'm not going to kill you, don't worry." she mock assured him. "That's for Sam and Dean to do. I'm just here to get that." she motioned with her head back towards the impala.

When John moved to get up she pressed him down harder, threateningly against his ribs. "You're not taking the car-" he managed to gasp out.

"I'd like to see you stop me." Meg told him patronizingly. She looked up when they heard Bobby and Ellen coming out. "Oh look, more victims."

The both of them had their guns trained on her, not that they would do any good against a demon.

"I don't want to-" she stopped herself and thought. "Okay, yes, I would like to kill all three of you." she corrected herself. "But I can't, Sam and Dean called dibs and as their auntie I have to honor their wishes." she sighed. "And you can stop right there." she added, aimed towards Bobby and Ellen.

"You're not going anywhere." Bobby said lowly. "Not until-"

"I don't care." Meg said, finally lifting her foot off of Johns chest and going towards the impala. When the three of them moved to grab her, or do something, Meg reached into her pocket and pulled something out.

It was a small vial of blood, simple and useless but at the same time, priceless .Ellen froze at the sight of it.

"Sam gave me this in case I needed to get out without spilling blood. Told me not to break it either." Meg said. "I'm guessing that means this is something important to you."

"So either you stop pissing me off." Meg said. "And I'll give this to you. Or I'll just swallow it and whatever it is, you're never going to get it."

Meg twirled the vial between her fingers, whistling as she walked to the impala, taking out a set of keys from her jacket. She smirked at the three of them, John had managed to stand up, rubbing at his chest.

"I want to talk to them." John managed to get out, his voice rasping. "The boys...Sam and Dean."

Meg laughed at him, turning on one foot to leer at him. "They'll come for you." she told him. "Trust me they'll come for you soon enough. They want your blood."

Climbing into the driver's seat of the impala she turned the engine on, revving it, keeping the door open. She tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, thoughtful.

“Sams alive by the way.” she told him. “You know, after you guys stabbed him with a demon killing knife.” She didn’t turn her head as Ellen moved towards her but she did let the vial drop to the ground, destroying it with the heel of her boot before she immediately got floored the pedal, dirt and gravel flying as she drove away.

Just as Jo stumbled out of the house, shouting for her mom and awake.

[webscene-remade]

gigantic homestuck liveblog post

hello. I hope to god that tumblr’s readmore function works across platforms because otherwise this may just be the worst thing I ever inflicted on anyone’s dashboard in the history of this hellsite 

warnings for my pure, unadulterated opinions (including relentless character-hate for characters that I personally do not like), spoilers for literally everything, reading the epilogues in the most asinine order possible, and the same content warnings that were given at the beginning of the epilogues themselves 

general thoughts: i liked some of it, didnt like some of it. the parts that i didn't like would have been more bearable if they literally weren’t painful to read. i’m of the opinion that, while things dont have to be daisies and roses all the time, i don’t want to have a completely horrible reading experience when things aren’t daises and roses. 

other complaints: part of homestuck’s appeal is its amazing cast of girls, and they were severely under-utilized. also, i had to see gamzee again. 

but, like i said. i liked some of it. a lot of it, in fact. i did think it kept with the spirit of homestuck in that it made me feel every single human emotion possible.

I had a lot of Feelings while reading, and if I went into all of them here, I might as well write out some meta to flesh out the 2.5 concrete thoughts I had while reading, but I’m not going to do that. instead, i’m going to dump my several-thousand-words of live reactions here so that no one has the patience to parse out what the hell i’m talking about. because I just spent a total of 21 hours reading this and I am so incredibly braindead. 

MEAT 1

Okay I’m clicking on ‘meat’ first. I’m so scared LMAO I’m not ready for this.

Gross. This is already very upsetting.

MEAT 2

Lmao WHAT

FUCK. Dave this is NOT ALLOWED.

Homestuck is very very good actually

Alright I’m going to have to stop screenshotting every single thing I find funny or else I am never going to get through this

I Love You Dave Strider

This is so fucking weird to say and I have no idea what the psychology is behind it but reading homestuck always makes me weirdly ambitious…like reading about dave doing shit like making comics and motivating karkat to run for president makes ME want to do shit.

also the biggest mystery in homestuck is that people like jake English

MEAT 3

The fridge pops open and out roll Aranea and Gamzee. Gamzee honks and his codpiece jiggles ominously. Aranea staggers to her feet, looking rather pleased with herself.

Fucking gross.

JOHN PUNCHED ARANEA

Waaaaay back in the day “aranea gets punched in the face” was on my homestuck bingo card, back when we all thought the comic was gonna end after the gigapause or whatever it was called

Also is this going to be in fic form the whole time because if so I’m going to have a hell of a time concentrating long enough to finish this in one go

You wisely decide that this clown will lend nothing valuable to the narrative whatsoever if he is allowed to remain outside of your childhood refrigerator. You put both hands on his chest and shove him into the fridge where he belongs. He goes easily, issuing only a pair of weak honks in protest. You slam the fridge shut and resolve to never think about Gamzee Makara again.

Bye bitch

I know you’re going to be back soon but still

(also I skimmed the first few pages of the candy epilogue and it looks like gamzee might have some relevance in that one too. Homophobic if true.)

MEAT 4

Oh jesus fuck I just remembered caliborn’s stop-motion Claymation thing where all the kids die. And now john’s gathering them all up. This is going to fucking SUCK isn’t it

MEAT 5

Lmao

Jake can’t help but watch the motion, raking his eyes over the muscles shifting beneath the skin of Dirk’s neck and arms.

Calm your fucking boner dude

Also dirk is ripped apparently

With a casual flick of his wrist, Dirk snaps out a bright red tranquilizer handgun and shoots Jake in the neck. Jake’s glasses crack when he hits the mat.

What the fuck

MEAT 6

You wonder. Do you see these teen versions of your friends as “real”? Are you treating them, at Rose’s behest, as simple puppets? Doing your part to insist they fill friend-shaped recesses in an essential plan to stabilize all else that can be considered important, a distinction no longer applying to them? Do you care at all about whatever fate it may be that you are sentencing these children to? Are you becoming as complicit in the fatalistic evils of Paradox Space as Lord English himself? Are you becoming a monster, John Egbert?

):

MEAT 7

I Love You Rose Lalonde

Also, same old Dirk, huh?

Dirk & rose conversations are some of the best but. Dirk. Dirk. He reminds me so much of myself and I constantly want to shove him into a locker.

MEAT 8

I hate how much I love caliborn. Also I am Very Afraid.

MEAT 9

The blurry, distorted face of your laughing nemesis was the last thing you saw before the chest door slammed shut and plunged you into textual obsolescence.

And here, you are now stuck. You will not emerge from this holding cell, from an outside perspective, for quadrillions of years. It is not long at all until you begin to wish you had brought something to read.

Jesus Christ

Well. At least it’s quadrillions of years “from an outside perspective.” Hopefully it won’t be THAT long for them. Maybe like, an hour?

Also john you broke your glasses. How are you supposed to read.

MEAT 10

No, surely this must have been Dave’s idea. The kind of plot hatched from their little nest of mutually supportive, codependent, interspecies... whatever it was they had going on over there.

Jane is straight-up EVIL, I guess

This what capitalism does to you, folks

Also, karkat (true leftism)

MEAT 11

This is exactly what I expected when I realized john would be overseeing a group of teens

Would you tell them about Terezi...

For some reason her name feels like nails in your heart. Makes sense, you guess, cause there’s a lot of sharp letters in it. She had sharp teeth too, and sharp elbows. Sharp words. Terezi Pyrope was a sharp girl, and maybe what these sharp feelings are trying to tell you is you miss her more than you realized.

Do NOT talk about terezi in the past tense you fucking GOON

Also if I don’t see terezi again I will fucking riot

Me like 2 years ago

MEAT 12

Asfdhkajlfh

Jade you are NOT subtle

This is oppression

Dave and karkat HAVE KISSED MULTIPLE TIMES. I will not be convinced otherwise

Jade “didn’t think Obama was a real person” Harley

Also Dave “doesn’t think Jesus was a real person” Strider

Speaking of. Where is homestuck-is-a-sin nowadays

Jade will you please chill

but also. Marry me. dave and karkat are clearly not comfy with this, but I would be very comfy with it.

MEAT 13

> Be Vriska.

Oh fuck yes

Well, that didn’t last long. Bye, vriska!

Oh fuck

God this is all so intense. I feel like I should’ve read candy first

MEAT 14

Really, the only surprise is how long it took to happen. Jane is a beautiful lady, that’s for sure. She always has been, but she’s only grown more ravishing as she’s come into the full blossom of her womanhood. Smooth, silky skin... thick, dark lashes... full, feminine lips... not to mention curves like the dickens.

This is so hard to read lmao

Jake can’t stop thinking about dirk….ouch

MEAT 15

Roooooooooose

ROSE ):

Fuck jade too

This is going pretty much as well as could be expected

Just two bros…fighting lord English…everyone dying around them…

DAVEPETA

…v…vore

Great minds

Dave ): ): ):

There was no way that wasn’t going to happen but I am. Extremely upset.

The black hole—the gaping, implacable, cosmic embodiment of the dead cherub, his long-departed sister—finally welcomes Lord English home.

Yo I’m

It’s bananas that this webcomic still manages to have a monopoly over my emotions after all these years

MEAT 16

Oh fuck

Loving the aspect talk though

Rose’s eyes have grown distant, almost mirrorlike. Dirk can see himself reflected in her vacant stare.

Oh jesus oh Christ

Oh no

FUCK OFFFF

MEAT 17

All I’m thinking about is the narration about jake watching dirk’s rippling muscles

Dirk: I heard that Dirk has an 8-pack

MEAT 18

It’s been 3 hours and I’m only on meat 18

I need a fucking drink

MEAT 19

Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam.

Why is homestuck so funny

I LOVE YOU ROXY LALONDE

Fucking same

MEAT 20

What is Happening

Will these motherfuckers Please Stop trying to remove the objects that are impaled in their chest

CALLIOPE????

I am actually astounded by the amount of things I retained from homestuck even though I haven’t quite understood what’s going on for like 6 years

MEAT 21

I missed her so much

I hate this stupid fucking webcomic

Please god kick his ass kanaya

MEAT 22

Fucking owned

MEAT 23

Kanaya PLEASE kick this fools ass

MEAT 24

TEREZI

I’M GOING TO GO APE SHIT

SHE LITERALLY HASN’T SAID ANYTHING YET AND I’M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND

I’M GOING TO VOMIT

MEAT 25

…hmmmm

I’m actually almost tempted to do this?

Like I know it would make way more sense to finish reading meat first…BUT…

I’m gonna do it lmao

CANDY 1

At each fork in the veins, he supposes the leaf as a whole is making a certain kind of “decision,” to go this way or that. It certainly seems like one way of looking at a leaf, now that he bothers to really scrutinize one. It also seems to him, with just as great a sense of clarity, that not one of this leaf’s decisions ever mattered even the tiniest fucking bit to anybody.

Alright! Great start!

Hm! I don’t like this at all!!!!

Fuck gamzee lives

CANDY 2

Sensing that this is probably something he shouldn’t be seeing, he tiptoes towards Gamzee’s would-be sarcophagus as carefully and quietly as he can, and places his hands just above the thick aluminum hull. The moment John’s palms hit the fridge, Dirk turns to look at him. His head only moves an inch.

………what the fuck

OKAY SO…JOHN’S JUST GONNA…DROP GAMZEE ON EARTH C…THIS IS FINE

Oh what the FUCK is going on 

I forgot how fucking headache-inducing gamzee’s quirk is

Literally this is almost impossible for me to read for some reason

She pats him on the back, nods very slowly, issues an “mm-hm” now and then. Only while he is distracted by his own sobs does she steal a glance at her phone, tipping the fact that she too wouldn’t mind if this redemptive soliloquy could hurry itself along.

I pretty much sound like a broken record at this point but. What the actual fuck.

Gamzee stans be like

John: *sends a picture of gamzee to terezi*

Me: Gamzee Is Not Allowed to Exist In The Same Narrative Space As Terezi

“HE”….

I just realized that the narrative isn’t in second person any more

I mean…I’m assuming we’re outside of ‘canon’. Like this isn’t the ‘essential’ timeline anymore, so things are…fucking wacky, to say the least

But even in the other timelines, shit isn’t this wack

And john seems to be aware of what’s going on

So like. What’s happening.

CANDY 3

At least dirk’s bitch ass is also sweating over all this

CANDY 4

Rose opens her eyes. She stares at the knob of her wrist and frowns. She’s not sure why this sensation should be concerning. It’s not like her memory is slipping away. She remembers the conversation she had with John this morning quite clearly. As she does the previous years of declining health, and troubled, obsessive thoughts about canon, dissipation, and other such abstractions. What’s slipping away instead is the feeling that any of it mattered at all.

I have. Very mixed feelings.

Like OBVIOUSLY I don’t want rose to continue to suffer existential dread but this feels like post-retcon all over again. Which is to say, everything feels off.

But. Post-retcon was, like, canon. And post-retcon (post-game over, really) is where I kinda stopped caring about homestuck as much as I had before

And perhaps that’s just me not “getting it” but. Oh well.

Fucking OUCH dawg

Rose and kanaya…damn son…….

They were my first f/f ship ever. Can you believe that? Can you believe homestuck?

CANDY 5

She retrieves one of her bras from where it’s hanging over the back of the couch. She starts changing it right there, doing that mystical sleight of hand girls seem to be born with the knowledge of, where the bra goes off and then on again without the shirt being removed.

Very unrelatable

Now THIS is relatable

Jade CHILL

I’ve always liked the idea of jadedavekat but this shit is not fun

Karkat fucking bit her afdhlfasdkfh what the fuck

Picsthatmakeyougohmm

CANDY 6

Yall are gonna think I’m evil for saying this but how on earth are there people out there who like Jake English

Okay I took a break to eat something after 5 straight hours of reading

I bet there’s people out there who have read this shit 3 times over but I take so GODDAMN LONG to read anything

And to think. I’m an English major.

Anyway back to it I fucking guess

That’s depression, babe!

I’m heterophobic now

Do I REALLY have to read another Jake-Jane makeout sesh. Do I really.

It turns out that I don’t. thank god.

But that was all still incredibly uncomfortable

CANDY 7

In the time that I was eating I managed to forget that gamzee existed. And now I am reminded. How unfortunate.

I do not often find myself agreeing with John and only John but. Here we are.

Also I am Not Down For johnroxy. Especially with how wack everything is.

Roxy DO NOT leave john alone with this literal clown

Oh fucking Christ

HELLO?? IS THIS ALLOWED???

CANDY 8

The,, hornographer,,,

 There’s a third member of their social group who definitely hasn’t arrived at the conclusion that his power and influence should be meted out responsibly either. Neither of them speak his name, however. For some reason, it feels like a shadow passing over the sun. A brief spike of pain flickers through Rose’s head, a bolt that strikes between her eyes and splinters out. There is color and light behind it. A vision that tears through the material reality in front of her and gives her a brief glimpse into a parallel reality where things are very different.

Hm! Not great!

Yes, it would be very awkward

Also, don’t even fuckin g MENTION vriska unless I get to see her

Don’t think I haven’t noticed that this epilogue has been hellishly vriskaless

Like youre gonna make me see GAMZEE MAKARA?? GAMZEE??? WHERE’S VRISKA??

CANDY 9

Jade. Jade. Jade. Fucking CHILL, jade.

CANDY 10

Get you a girl who lesbian marries one of the two remaining eligible human females

Eyes emoji

He whips his head around to see... Dave? He’s running down the street, looking back and forth like a hunted man.

Dave: *is flirted with*

Dave: *books it to an entirely different time zone*

I Love You Dave Strider

Why on EARTH are you going to john Egbert for relationship advice, though

CANDY 11

Daaaaaaave ):

CANDY 12

This is the fucking worst

I hate this so much

CANDY 13

It’s obviously a robot, but it’s a complete mess. The form is feminine, but the head is still bald, and the face has no cover, revealing its skull-like interior. The body doesn’t have any proper protective plating yet, so it’s all a mess of wires and loose mechanical bits. Clearly a work in progress. But Dave can’t help but wonder what exactly it is that Dirk’s been working on here?

Then Dave notices the note. It’s carefully folded in the limp palm of the robot’s hand. His heart jumps into his throat, and something in his stomach drops.

Oh, no.

what the fuck is this fucking robot

Also did dirk fucking kill himself

CANDY 14

We’re back in the 2nd person now for dirk’s shit

What could you accomplish in a dead-end existence like this? There are no stakes. No meaningful challenges. No structures or themes—only residual chemical reactions in a dying brain, a physical system’s obligate compulsion to exhaust its own lingering momentum.

Literally me every time I realize that life isn’t a story and I’m not a character with a heroic arc

And like I get that homestuck has been thematically interested in...well…life not being a story. And I have a feeling that these epilogues are going to cement that, with all the talk of meta/canon. And I can already tell that I’m going to be disappointed with the lack of narrative resolution

Because like…life’s not a story, okay……………but homestuck is

Anyway this fucker is really about to kill himself isn’t he

Yep…jesus.

CANDY 15

Wow this feels INCREDIBLY shitty considering. That’s exactly what happened.

I am not Feeling Great my dudes

Dave’s got his suit jacket unbuttoned and pulled over Karkat’s head to shield him from the rain. Karkat’s the one talking—his caterpillar eyebrows furrowed, but his gaze soft. Whatever he’s saying makes Dave turn his face away, but Karkat winds a hand in his shirt and tugs him in, forces him to make eye contact. They both go still, seeming to finally realize how close their faces have gotten, how Karkat’s fingers are brushing down the length of Dave’s torso. Dave dips down so that their noses are bumping.

I will NOT be distracted by this cute shit

(I am distracted by this cute shit)

Thinking about how roxy said they don’t want to have kids in meat and I’m! Not feeling great about this!

Also I hate that I have to call it ‘meat’

(also the narrator refers to roxy as ‘she’ in candy and so like. Idk which one I’m supposed to use)

CANDY 16

6 month time jump. Very relieved that I don’t have to see the johnroxy wedding

Fucking. Skullface emoji.

Asdasfasljk John don’t dump on your sister like that

Straight fucking savage though I’ll give you that

John and terezi are talking about vriska I’m going to fucking vomit

This is all I’m going to get, huh? Huh????

I’m so starved

Vrisrezi is literally the most compelling part of homestuck and it’s like. So not going to be relevant at all in the epilogue, is it

CANDY 17

Did rose and kanaya literally name their kid ‘vriska’

Like they did not have to do that

John is the only one who hasn’t lost his goddamn mind

Also the idea of someone just changing their kids name a year after they were born is. Hilarious. It’s extra hilarious when you remember that the kids didn’t get a name until they were 13.

John SNAPPED

“please come make sense at me”...This is……..A Lot

CANDY 18

Jane is still dedicated to eugenics which is like. Pretty fucking awful.

You know it’s bad when GAMZEE MAKARA argues with you about morality

Fucking GROSS

Also jake is sitting right next to them akbfdabkjknsfn

Welp! Homestuck’s over, everyone!!!! The furries won!

CANDY 19

I have been reading this goddamn webcomic for 8 goddamn hours

I’m pretty sure that I’m not even halfway through

HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

This is what this epilogue has been missing…karkat-isms

Yo WHAT

I probably definitely should’ve read meat all the way through but. Oh well!

I never thought that I would be glad to see a dead teenage jade fall out of the fucking sky but at least its providing a brief reprieve to feeling of absolute dread I’ve had while reading the entire candy section

Also strange that dead teenage space jade is the one thing that DOESN’T fill me with absolute dread

CANDY 20

Karkat SNAPPED

CANDY 21

I somehow managed to forget that calliope exists

 Funeral TWO

As fucking rough as dirk’s suicide was, I absolutely cannot imagine him in any of these situations

Like the only narrative choices were to kill him or to lock him away in his lab w/o a single mention of him and I gotta say the former makes more sense given his characterization

):

I am. Upset.

ARADIA

Aradia please save me from this nightmare

Asdfghjlkjhgf

I changed my mind I love candy

Never mind jane’s talking about eugenics again

I’m laughing???? What the fuck is happening?????

Okay alt calliope is using dead teen space jade’s body as a vessel

Should’ve put two and two together since I got close to that part in meat but I have been reading for like 9 hours and things are starting to blur together

*heavy metal music plays*

CANDY 22

3 year time jump! Alright!

Fucking same, john

Okay so the dead trolls that got consumed by the black hole are showing up on earth c, or something?

WAIT DOES THAT MEAN LORD ENGLISH IS GONNA GET PLOPPED INTO THIS TIMELINE

idk if I’m misunderstanding but……..i am……nervous

Those are my 20-something-year-old children

Cant believe karkat rose and kanaya are in antifa :’)

Actually I can absolutely believe that

I hate this

I was 100% unprepared to see Eridan fucking Ampora in the year of our lord 2019. I’m calling the fucking police

This is the worst

Oh I Do Not Like This

CANDY 23

John was serious about the whole kidnapping thing huh

Christ almighty

SILENCE, CLOWN.

Jokes aside the child abuse is like. Very vey upsetting.

But why has this human child adopted the ‘uh,,’s of Tavros’ quirk

I think I’ve said this before but homestuck is very good, actually

Hm this shit with kid tavros is making me sick to my stomach

Also I’m approaching hour 10 and I may have to take a break for sleep soon.

But. I defo have shit to do this weekend that doesn’t involve reading homestuck

We’ll see how much longer I can stay awake, I guess

Dave said this about dirk (jake also said this about dirk, in meat) and I’m. not psyched about it.

I suppose it’s possible that gamzee retained it from dirks funeral, but still

John has his breath powers back?? Passively, at least?

And where the fuck did alt calliope go

And aradia and sollux

Unfortunately I still think it is kidnapping

Especially because you’re like, 5

):

It’s probably, like, a bad thing that I was rooting for john’s kidnapping plan to work. But.  

CANDY 24

Okay theres alt calliope aradia and sollux

I am. Compromised.

Oh fuck

It’s actually kind of insane that dirk and jane are like. Straight villains. I kinda would’ve guessed w/ jane (relation to the condesce and all that) but dirk being a villain shocked the fuck out of me. it really shouldn’t have, though, considering that dirk was capable of becoming bro.

): ): ): ):

I’m actually tearing up LMAO

I can’t tell if it’s because of how much I love terezi or if it’s because I’ve been reading this for 10 hours straight

Probably both

CANDY 25

Karkat I love you

Also this is buried deep enough in this post so I think it’s safe to say w/o anyone actually reading it: when I was 14 and reading homestuck for the first time I had a crush on karkat and used to daydream about us going on a date at the county fair

I’m sorry to anyone that had to read that with their own eyeballs

Hard labor in the cake mills

Bucket jokes are dead, folks. You heard it here first.

Oh Christ I just remembered that group of cosplayers who took a bucket into a restaurant and passed it around and spit in it. Scandal of the fucking decade.

Asdfghjk KANAYA

This is only going to make things more complicated, I imagine

KARKAT: I’M ALSO FUCKING ORDERING YOU TO STOP MAKING GARBAGE FISH PUNS FOREVER.

LMAO

Okay…on that slightly…lighter note, I think it’s time to turn in for the night. I’m at the 11th hour (literally) and I’m losing my ability to pay attention to what the fuck is going on

Plus my head hurts like a motherfucker

If I remember correctly, each epilogue has 45 parts, so I’m a bit more than halfway done

I’m setting an alarm because I’m dedicated to finishing this tomorrow

CANDY 26

Okay I got my hat on backwards and I’m ready to fucking party

Even Alternia had beauty in it. But John is sure that Earth C probably replicates it the same way it replicates everything else: thin and garish and fake, fake, fakity FAKE. A bad photocopy with the ink settings turned to high contrast. A sunrise that casts no shadows.

This is not a party

Also I’m getting flashbacks to my thesis that I wrote on the left hand of darkness which never shut the fuck up about shadows and the lack thereof

A streak of teal, smudged along the top ridge of the seat cushion, at the center of a red, bloody handprint. With wide eyes, John reaches out and runs his thumb over it. It chips under his nail, the same consistency as human blood. The same color as Terezi’s text.

He rubs the flaky crust between his fingers. He only stopped talking to her a few hours ago. Time passes differently out there, as he’s often reminded. She was so sure she was dying. Was this it? Was this how she —

John reels back, nausea striking him in the pit of his stomach. What kind of twisted coincidence is this? Why is he finding this now? If Terezi was here, why? Who was she bleeding with in the back of his father’s car?

I’m guessing john was bleeding with terezi in the back of his father’s car?

I mean when I left off with meat terezi had just shown up to find john impaled in the chest with one of LE’s teeth

But I’m like. SUPER not psyched to learn what happened to terezi

A choked sob forces its way out of his chest. His fingers flex into claws, gathering up dirt into his shaking fists. He bears down until his knuckles turn white and his fingernails press sharply into the flesh of his palms. The pain makes him feel real.

All he’s ever wanted is to be fucking real.

Maybe it’s because this is the first thing I’m reading this morning but I absolutely cannot take this seriously

CANDY 27

Ten year time skip. Jesus.

So everyones in their late 30s, now

I’m love them?

Also things are super not great on earth c, huh

Like imagine being jane crocker & playing a game where all your friends die a bunch & then showing up to an idyllic planet and being like ‘you know what this world needs more of? Fascism and eugenics.’

Also didn’t jane’s dad make it onto earth c??? where is THAT motherfucker??

I’m glad that sollux and aradia are still like. Chillin.

Karkat sure does know how to sweet-talk people

Also karkat still misses dave ):

And dave still misses karkat ):

This is so fucking rough

CANDY 28

VRISKA???

Yeah this is the vriska that got punted by LE after releasing the juju

She is taking things as well as I would imagine vriska to take things

CANDY 29

These chapters are getting shorter. Maybe I’ll actually finish this today

…lord English?

CANDY 30

Okay, so jane’s dad was on earth c, and now he’s dead

Jesus Christ

I shouldn’t be laughing but adjsgklfgfs

Leave it to karkat to try to assassinate someone with a fucking rocket launcher

Also leave it to dad to jump in front of a FUCKING ROCKET LAUNCHER

I cant believe gamzee fucking Makara is still here. I was hoping that had all been a nightmare

Yikes! Yikes! Yikes! Yikes!

Asdfghjkjhgfdsdfghjkjhgfdsdfghjkljhgfrvghkhgf

I-

I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming

BEGONE, CLOWN

CANDY 31

I missed their interactions

John is so fucking funny sometimes

I’m laughimg so fucking hard

Also I’m going to keep calling her vriska and calling rose and kanaya’s child ‘kid vriska.’ Otherwise I will get incredibly confused between this vriska and actual (vriska)

Vriska I love you

Also I like how john straight up hates kid vriska

God she’s so intolerable. I love her.

Also vriska and dirk are so similar but I love vriska and can’t stand dirk

am I a misandrist

(I know it’s probably their differences; vriska is dedicated to being a hero and not a author/villain(?) and still, like, values people, even if it is in her own fucked up way. Also she’s like a billion times more critical of herself than dirk is)

oh god theyre talking about terezi

yeah that didn’t go anywhere I wanted it to

CANDY 32

fukcing. Gamzee.

Please god vriska beat this clowns ass

“brutal Double Axe Handle” “European-style Uppercut” “knife chop” “Discus Back Elbow”

Am I supposed to know what any of this means

I like how john is just watching this happen

Gamzee grabs (Vriska)’s foot by the bridge. Instead of yanking her off-balance, he opens his huge, bloody maw of a mouth and... runs his tongue along the rubber bottom of her shoe? (Vriska) freezes. She watches him lap the mud—and his own blood—out from between the grooves of the sole. His lips drag lewdly over the ridge of her footwear and begin sucking at where her big toe would be, if it were not safely ensconced in several layers of rubber and canvas.

Fucking GROSS

I hate this clown so goddamn much

This is the absolute Worst Outcome

Like I cannot imagine a more upsetting scenario than gamzee and vriska making out in canon

Dirk’s suicide would be a fucking palate cleanser at this point

That was a bad joke to make but that’s what homestuck does to you I fucking guess

CANDY 33

*I* don’t even remember the three pillars of canon

And I read that shit literally yesterday

I, unfortunately, have no idea what this means

Well. At least rose is happy. For the first time in the entirety of homestuck.

CANDY 34

“immoderately lit”

I’m going to say that all the time now. Thanks.

Vriska’s huge, mischievous smile freezes on her face. When her eyes pass the image to her brain, and it finally makes sense of this incomprehensible jumble of gray limbs, blue and purple slop, tangled black hair, and stunned faces, her expression begins to slowly melt. It then drifts quickly, from phase to phase, to one of wonder, then anguish, and finally, abject horror.

This is so fucking unfortunate

CANDY 35

At least all the vriskas are on the same page about this being the nightmare scenario. At least theres that.

Gamzee calling vriska “problematic.” I’m laughing really hard but I’m also like. Enraged.

And then, she lets go. His face is frozen in a repellent mask exhibiting the perfectly undetectable difference between terror and ecstasy. He’s dead.

I hope to GOD this is true but I’ve been tricked before

I don’t know if I will ever be truly free of gamzee fucking Makara

CANDY 36

Jake and his kid showed up to johns house and jake is wearing nothing but underwear

At this point this is one of the least strange things to happen

All the same, John finds it hard to feel much sympathy. Who is Jake? The one standing in front of him now, anyway. Has he always been this contemptibly pathetic, or is this too a function of the absurdity of this contorted reality? It’s hard to be sure. Are Jake’s “struggles” worth any more of John’s guilt and emotional energy than a Sim stuck in a pool without a ladder?

Jesus Christ. John did not come to play today. Fuck.

Also I feel incredibly bad for jake. I’ve never liked him but I’m not, like, a monster.

Or maybe he is doing exactly what Jake has always done. In a certain light, isn’t ascribing all this mess to some unconscious influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a father?

God why is homestuck kicking my ass so bad

John constantly misses his dad and all I can think about is how often his dad told him that he was proud of him. And now john thinks he’s failed as a father.

John and jake are. Dancing.

I absolutely have not forgotten that jake is still in his underwear

CANDY 37

I’m living for this conversation between vriska and kid-vriska

Man I bet dirk hates john’s guts LOL

Like I imagine john’s retcon powers infuriate him

Though I bet dirk wouldn’t want the retcon powers for himself. It might take away the “challenge” of it. Idk.

Jesus Christ

How the turntables….

I Am Going To Vomit

Vrisrezi is so fucking legendary. No one can ever change my mind.

I also I just ate a ham and cheese sandwich and it was really fucking gross. Legit cant tell if I’m nauseous about that or vrisrezi

[CHANTING] VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE! VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE! VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE!

I’M SHAKING I FEEL SO VINDICATED RN

I forgive all the other dumb shit in this epilogue

Seriously. Transcends quadrants. I have been saying this for half a fucking decade. Vriska and terezi are in gay love. Eat shit, haters.

Asdfghjkl

I hate this stupid webcomic

I have nothing intelligent left to say anymore (as if I ever had anything intelligent to say) but. Homestuck good.

I am going to Lose My Shit

CANDY 38

Thank Fucking God

Also ever since dead teen space jade fell out of the sky, all of the characters have felt a lot more real

I’m not sure if that’s in the narrative or that’s just me getting over my disgruntlement at the incredibly batshit things happening in candy

Hatchi fucking matchi

Also getting some real dirk-fading-into-the-ether vibes from john here

Roxy is fucking laying into john damn

But it’s not like they arent making completely valid points

………..hmm……..

God I’m so depressed

I’ve spent 80% of my life worried that I’m doing the Important and Right thing

And in the last 4-5 years I’ve been confronted with my cosmic insignificance and I have not been able to get over it

Like I get it’s kind of asshole-ish. Narcissistic. Selfish. To think of your life and the people in it as something….sidelined. and to be all mopey over that.

I WANT to be all “who cares” about it because thinking that your life has any Grand Significance In The Scope Of The Infinite Universe is 100% impractical and frankly batshit

This is all to say that I have problems and homestuck if calling me tf out

CANDY 39

dave is in the FUCKING WHITE HOUSE

I swear to god if Obama shows up I will shit my fucking pants

He steps closer to investigate, wiping away at the layers of moss and dirt to reveal a surface he most certainly does recognize. It’s a transportalizer.

I am shaking in anticipation

It’s a mounted god tier costume, about the size an adult male would wear. He recognizes the symbol. It’s the same one Jake used to wear when they were teens. It is the symbol for Hope.

Obama played fucking sburb didn’t he

Why is homestuck so fucking funny

OBAMA LMAOOOOOOOOO

This is the most homestuck thing to ever happen in homestuck

Hologram throwing all this inspiring bullshit at dave and dave just repeatedly asking how Obama died

He tells himself there’s nothing wrong with crying. Of course there isn’t. Just... not in front of Obama. He’s GOT to keep it together.

I’m just gonna. Put this here.

Obama ships davekat

Daaaaaave ): ): ):

Yes I’m 21 years old yes I’m tearing up at a conversation between a fictionalized barrack obama and a fictional man who wears sunglasses from a ben stiller movie all the time

Hate this fucking comic LOL

“wake up”. What. What is happening.

The sliding panel reveals a recess, and in the recess stands a robot. It’s a gleaming, polished silver replica of Dave, but without shades. It stands totally still, unpowered. Dave struggles to make sense of what he’s looking at.

Is THIS the robot that dirk was building??

Wait Obama said he built it

What the actual fuck

Fucking. WHAT. DAVBOT?

This is so fucking weird

CANDY 40

Asdfghjkl

I love you aradia

Wow that conversation was…………..something

So calliope is fighting dirk for control of the narrative?

and dirk is like, an irresponsible author

especially interesting convo in light of dirk’s status as andrew’s self-insert

also I knew LE was gonna show up

CANDY POSTSCRIPT

rose…..bot……………..

I’ve got a bad feeling about this scoob

Also not feeling great about fucking davebot

That’s it for candy……………………..

Hopefully meat is more conclusive that

I’ve been reading for 15 total hours now

Might as well keep going

MEAT 25

Didn’t think I’d actually do it, huh?? Snide bastard

Also rose is going to straight die real soon isn’t  she

And then become rosebot

Oh fuck right off

MEAT 26

Get wrecked you punk-ass bitch

MEAT 27

Okay so alt calliope is taking over jades body in this reality. Cool cool.

Also. Interesting that calliope said the way events are telegraphed, not what events are telegraphed. Goes back to importance of the speaker convo from candy

Dirk’s text is getting smaller asfgshfjk

Also good to know that calliope is completely Freaked The Fuck Out in this reality too, re: alt calliope occupying jade’s body

……….man

Also I’ve said this before but. Dirk and vriska. Are so alike.

MEAT 28

Terezi dear god I fucking missed you

It probably hasn’t been that long but it feels like forever

Yeah I suppose terezi’s been talking w/ the john that’s aged into his 30s

Also I was thinking about this lastnight & I forgot that time works different here in ye olde paradox space and I was kinda super weirded out thinking about a 30 y/o john flirting with terezi. I actually had a nightmare about it lmao. But this morning I remembered that terezis probably been at this forever.

I think the fact that john is even worried about this at all means he’s in pretty good shape

John: *thinks a girl is cute*

John: oh shit am I being a creep

Okay, terezi says she feels like she’s been out there for a hundred sweeps. That defo makes me feel better about her and john flirting

Okay, so I was right. John was the one bleeding in the car

Terezi’s not bleeding though so I am. Nervous to find out how that happens.

OF COURSE terezi is still looking for vriska, you fucking goon. Theyre in love.

Though I gotta say I wasn’t that down with johnrezi before the epilogue but. I have to say. It’s actually very cute.

Terezi just. Ate shaving cream.

MEAT 29

Oh, hi, jane

I kinda forgot how far along she is in her development as a full-blown fascist in this timeline

Dirk: *speaks*

Me: bitch

Jesus Christ

Waiting for dirk to call jane problematic

Calliope SNAPPED

MEAT 30

Why is karkat hiking around in a fucking suit

I love karkat

I love dave

Dave starting to explain super pacs to jake

And using sbahj for campaign ads asgdhadkjl

Why is he like this (I say, fondly)

Dirk is really out here being Like That

I’m

I have no words

Also I promise that this is unrelated but jake has inexplicably grown on me a little (not a lot)

MEAT 31

Now terezi is eating tobacco

She’s disgusting. I love her.

Terezi ):

John: *talks about how great terezi is*

Me: *nods solemnly*

I Am In Pain

GOD I love Terezi

Terezi: hold on. Lemme just do an impromptu surgery real quick.

Terezi: *is, very unsurprisingly, turned on by doing an impromptu surgery*

Oh ok this is happening

Good thing I found the time to get down w/ johnrezi I fucking guess

Not completely sure how I feel about this

MEAT 32

Is dirk about to fucking assassinate jake

He wouldn’t do that right

Dirk said transphobe rights??

God I hate this motherfucker

Dave: come…’out.’ What is this you speak of.

Roxy, dave, and alt calliope: Let’s talk about gender

Okay, so. Assassinating jake is something that dirk WOULD do

Calliope struggling to keep dirk back w/ the power of their narration is very fun to read though

Dirk: *slices the bell in half*

Me: that would’ve…made good content for a flash

Not to sound ungrateful but not one panel? Not one flash animation? Instead I have to read all these WORDS?

Of course if this were in a flash animation I probably wouldn’t understand fuckall of what is going on

On the other hand, it wouldn’t be taking me a billion years to get through this

God can roxy please get a pair of sunglasses to match dave. Please. 

Hour? 17.5? Maybe?

Anyway I am being forced to take a break so I can participate in easter festivities (by which I mean eating dinner with 2 whole people)

Okay I’m back

I defo should be able to finish this tonight

Okay I guess killing Jake is NOT something that Dirk would do

At least. Not right now. And probably not permanently

dude…

you got to FLIP it

TURN-WAYS

Time to be back on dirk’s bullshit I guess

Meat 33

In the two hours that I was gone I managed to forget that john and terezi boned

Dirk saying things like “incel” and “cuck” make me want to Kill

Meat 34

Wow it so incredibly awful to read Dirk’s narration

I hate this stupid motherfucker so fucking much

Meat 35

*sees more orange text* oh jesus Christ

God why is he being so fucking cruel

Also if john dies then like. WHAT is the point.

Aw man I’m fucking crying

Man what the fuck

This shit fucking sucks

I gotta take a break

Meat 36

Now that I’ve taken like a 5 minute break to stop fucking crying it’s time to get back on the pain train I guess

Since I actually let Tears Fall there’s an increased chance that I’ll cry again

So I cannot be held accountable if I do that

Why the fuck does this clown keep misgendering roxy

Terezi: *pulls johns corpse out of a wallet to smell it* nothing weird about this

Also how tf is terezi gonna show back up shortly after john goes missing and no ones gonna suspect anything

Is it vriska. It’s vriska isn’t it.

Why do I feel like I’m either never going to get to see this conversation or I AM going to get to see it and its going to cause me immense personal distress

TEREZI SAID TRANS RIGHTS

Also terezi can hear dirk???????????

And are roxy’s pronouns him or them

Like did terezi just assume based on roxy’s appearance or did she talk to kanaya about it

Also I hate dirk’s stupid fucking guts

It does NOT help that I didn’t like him before the epilogue

God he sucks shit

Say it with me, now: we love terezi pyrope

Terezi DO NOT trust this clown ass motherfucker

Meat 37

Dirk is actually the worst dad. Don’t sweat it, john.

ROSE: Are you sure Kanaya is going to be ok with this?

No, rose. She absolutely will not be ok with this. What the fuck.

This shit sucks so goddamn much

I am going to be so depressed after finishing this arent I

Goddammit I’m crying again. I fucking knew I would.

Meat 38

Unfortunately I agree with dirk

FUCK

Davekat is so GOOD what the hell

Also

Karkat ):

Dirk will you fucking fuck off

I’m seriously okay with dave and karkat hopelessly pining forever if it means dirk doesn’t literally FORCE them to kiss. Like, what the fuck.

I take a deep breath and get myself under control. My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse. Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing their hand would be a mistake.

That’s the smartest thing you ever said you stupid fuck

Thank Fucking God

Meat 39

I’m nearing the end of this whole things and dirk still has narrative control. Not psyched about that.

He’s gently stroking the side of my arm now, making no effort to disguise his interest in the contours of my muscles. I use that arm to put a hand on his shoulder in an affable way, so that he’s forced to stop.

Dirk: I heard that Dirk has an 8-pack

Wait I already think I made that joke

He takes in every drop of light reflecting from my beautiful face. The sculpted cheekbones, the warrior’s eyebrows, the deadly serious yet exquisitely kissable mouth. This is the face he lives for now. A visage that, in mere minutes, will vanish from his life forever. The tears drop. His voice cracks.

Fuck OFF dude. I hate you so goddamn much.

I miss gamzee. GAMZEE. Can you believe that shit?????????

Also it’s so incredibly shitty that jane won the election against karkat

like there’s no way there’s gonna be any kind of resistance now for like, plenty of reasons, one being that it wouldn’t even start in the first place. Now jane’s gonna slide to Literal Genocide but with no opposition this time

god this is wack

Meat 40

I am so tired of seeing this fools orange text

Please god

Also I hate that homestuck has me counting exclamation marks to make sure theres not a significant number of them (8. 8 is the significant number)

Thinking about dave’s speech at dirk’s funeral and Not Feeling Great

Does dirk actually think dave is going to be the one to kill him or is that just his weird decapitation fetish talking

Meat 41

Kanaya I love you and this is not your fault but jesus Christ

Kanaya: I Have Been Bamboozled

Oh shes fucking mad

KANAYA: ***I SWEAR THAT I SHALL MAKE HIM PAY DEARLY FOR STEALING MY BELOVED WIFE!***

I know that I’ll never see it happen but I hope kanaya beats dirks ass into the goddamn ground

Remember when chainsawed eridan in half and put on bloodied lipstick afterward? That’s the shit I’m talking about

Welp. Bye, jade.

Fucking. My sentiments exactly.

Alright alt calliope is using ‘he’ pronouns w/ Roxy so I’m assuming that’s right, considering alt calliope has access to Roxy’s thoughts and shit

fuck you you punk-ass bitch

Meat 43

I have never in my life been more relieved to see red text instead of orange

Things are still pretty fucking awful, though. I haven’t forgotten that.

sdfghjkl

see things are 100% Very Bad rn but this isn’t like completely impossible to read? Like I enjoyed parts of the epilogue, didn’t enjoy other parts. But the a lot of the parts I didn’t enjoy just were so painful to read. It was damn near impossible sometimes. And like, I get what you’re trying to do, but imo tough subjects don’t necessarily need to be written in a way that makes me so viscerally upset lol

anyway what I’m saying is that I’m not viscerally upset right now. Considering I’m nearing the end, this is a good thing.

karkat is talking about how dumb the concept of incest is and is being a jerk about how roxy’s dressed. I am upset again.

Thank god dave is here to save the fucking day

I just sneezed and heard crackling in my ears. I’ve been hearing shit like that for a solid two months now. Is there fluid in my ears? Do I have an ear infection? How long do ear infections last?

I’m love them

They still don’t know john is dead ): ): ):

Thank fucking god

At least there’s the possibility that they’ll see john again and that calliope is going to provide some fucking guidance

Also arent epilogues supposed to RESOLVE SHIT and not like. Leave me hanging like this. I can tell it’s to leave me hanging and listen. Listen. I just want to be free.

I’m going to be 40 goddamn years old and homestuck: the sequel is going to come out and the characters are going to be 42 and dealing with the exact issues that I’m dealing with as a 40 year old and it’ll launch me into an at-least-a-month-long spiral of fruitless self-reflection while I cry about it

Oh god fucking dammit

What was his sacrifice, even? Having sex with terezi?

Sorry. I’m just bitter.

In any case, in addition to like, weakening LE enough for alt calliope to presumably kill him, I do think it has something to do with terezi. I don’t think her role in things is quite over yet.

Meat Postscript

Okay so we’re back to candy?

Or, at least, where candy left off

Did. Alt calliope eat LE. Is that what happens when cherubs defeat one another. Did I manage to forget this cannibalistic detail.

Did dirk influence Obama to make davebot so davebot could join forces with alt-calliope to go against dirk, or was that Obama intentionally going up against dirk

Did I really type that sentence with my own fingers

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

These are a dope couple of paragraphs

Also I know that this probably goes against everything I just read but I hope this means I never have to read about an offshoot timeline again

Like I get that that was all Homestuck Brand Fuckery but I need like 300 months to recover

21 hours of reading later and I don’t really know what to

[slapshotsandoneshots]

Player: Freddie Anderson – Toronto Maple Leafs

Prompt: 

Mentions:. None.

Warnings: None. Pure Fluff

Preview: That left you no choice but to throw your own New Year’s Eve pajama party with Flynn. Flannel pants and one of Freddie’s sweaters weren’t exactly the gold dress you had bought, but your slippers were far more comfortable than the heels you had planned on wearing.

Word Count: 1041

The Masterlist is Here.

When you heard muffled whimpers sounding from the baby monitor, you softly got up from your spot on the couch, the sound of the new year’s special softly playing on the TV. This was supposed to be your first night out in quite a while. Freddie had a New Year’s event with the Leafs but Flynn had gotten sick at the last minute and you werent comfortable leaving your young baby in the hands of a babysitter.

That left you no choice but to throw your own New Year’s Eve pajama party with Flynn.

Flannel pants and one of Freddie’s sweaters weren’t exactly the gold dress you had bought, but your slippers were far more comfortable than the heels you had planned on wearing.

Once you reached the end of the hall, you pushed open the door to the nursery. The first thing you saw was the tiny nightlight that projected stars onto the walls, the soft lullaby that played with it had long ended. As quietly as you could, you tiptoed over to the crib and peeked your head in. You had expected to see the sleeping baby you had tucked in snuggly hours ago. Instead, you found a set of soft brown eyes staring up and gurgling at you.

“You wanted to be my New Year’s kiss, didn’t you?” You smiled as you reached down and scooped the baby up, settling a bundle of blankets on your hip before heading downstairs.

Between three and four months was a funny age for a baby. While they were supposed to be

sleeping through the night and going longer without a feeding, it didn’t always happen. It was a trial and error situation, and you would get into a routine eventually. It also didn’t help that Flynn had been running a fever in the afternoon. You felt his forehead but he felt cool.

For now, you figured a warm bottle and some cuddling would do the trick.

In the kitchen, you heated up a bottle. Deciding it was warm enough, you

adjusted the baby in your arms and walked back to the living room, only stopping when a soft rustle sounded from the door. You lifted a brow, remembering that the time on the microwave read 11:25. It was well past an appropriate time for anyone to be visiting and Freddie wouldn’t be home till long after midnight.

But then, after squinting a bit to see through the frost covered glass, you recognized the person

standing outside wrestling his keys into the door.

“What are you doing up?” Freddie asked, looking straight past you as he stepped through the door. He closed it behind him, a wry smile spreading over his lips as he stole the baby from your arms.

“It’s well past your bedtime!” He said, making faces at Flynn until he coaxed out a sleepy giggle.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” you noted, twisting the lock on the door before turning back to

Freddie. The event ran until one and it was mandatory attendance.

“Course I am.” He looked over at you, smiling as he took the bottle from you. “Where else would I be?”

You shrugged, crossing your arms as you followed him into the living room. He shook his coat from his shoulder before collapsing onto the couch. “This isn’t exactly Leaf’s big New Year’s Eve party.”

Freddie cradled the baby in one arm, his elbow resting against a pillow as he fed it the bottle making your son seem even smaller next to his huge frame.

“I’d rather be here.”

You smiled over at him, curling your legs onto the couch. You had felt bad when you told him you couldn’t go tonight, afraid that you might have disappointed him. You had these plans for weeks and Freddie had not gotten much alone time since Flynn was born.

“Did you have fun?” You asked, resting your head onto the cushions.

Freddie shrugged, tilting the bottle. “Not really,” he said, looking at me quickly. “I wanted you there.”

“I’m sorry baby. I feel awful, Flynn isn’t even running a fever anymore.” you told him.

Freddie shrugged again. “It’s alright, no big deal.”

You found yourself dozing in and out as you listened to Freddie quietly laugh at the sounds the baby would make. After a few minutes, he handed you the nearly empty bottle and slowly cradled the baby against his chest.

“Grab that pillow for me.” Freddie nudged his head as he began rubbing soft circles over the baby’s back.

Knowing what Freddie was doing, you leaned over and grabbed the pillow and dropped it onto your lap. Smiling, he kicked off his shoes, swiveling around and dropping his back slowly against the pillow. He shrugged his shoulders around, trying to get comfortable and making sure Flynn was laying softly on his chest before sighing.

“This is nice,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

With the baby’s quiet snores filling the background, you focused your attention back on the TV. The countdown was winding down, leaving less than sixty seconds remaining in the year.

When the clock struck midnight, everyone on the TV erupted. Amidst all the laughing and cheering, fireworks and confetti flew around in the air. Smiling, you looked down at Freddie and your son.

With his eyes closed, the baby had a tight grip on the lapel of his dress shirt. You brushed your fingers through his hair, flattening it out before you leaned down and placed a kiss against his forehead.

When you pulled away, you watched as he peeked one sleepy eye open. As a grin spread over his lips, he lifted his neck just enough to catch you in a soft kiss, his lips lingering for just a moment before he settled back against the pillow.

“Happy New Year, Y/N.”

[diedieri]

Trick or Drink - Creepslayerzweek Day #1

@ihateblocks asked “ Yesss, how do you think things would turn out if Steve ends up dragging Eli to a Halloween party with him? And while they're having a good time, someone Spikes the Punch™ and when Eli drinks some, he gets drunk a while later so Steve has to walk him home? Drunk and funny shenanigans happen. “

I’m a loser who doesn’t know how to answer asks with a read more so I don’t have a wall of text. Thank you so much for the suggestion, I hope you enjoy this treat! I legit had thoughts about this exact scene so I was super ready to write this! :D

Rule number one of a house party, don’t go alone. Rule number two, don’t drink from an open cup. It was not that Steve did not trust his classmates and teammates. Most of them were great! These were just the rules taught to him by his once seniors, so forth and so on. He’d been behind the counter with Mary Wang, inspecting what wasn’t locked up. Whipped Vodka, Rumchatta, Fireball, and straight Vodka. Not a bad selection, Vodka was also easy to fill back up.

“As long as they don’t try to freeze it,” Steve laughed. Before ghost-hunting and creep-catching with Elijah, time was spent with his sports team. He smoked. He drank. Nothing great, just a way to keep from being miserable. Drinking and smoking weren’t bad, in controlled proportions. No driving, the seniors said. If you need to puke, do it before bed. Eat a lot of bread. More rules to remember.

 “Oh shit, Mary.” Steve, one beer in, jumped back from the witches’ brew bowl of punch. The treat had been a pure-Halloween treat, fruit punch, sherbet, gummy worms, and jolly ranchers. Mary’s pointed flick of her wrists added a trick—vodka and fireball. A real way to warm this party up. “You’re nasty, that’s gross.” Mary poured him a cup brimming to the rim, rolling her eyes, “go on. Try it Palchuk.”

 His lips curled into a grin, not bad. A strange mix of flavors and the cinnamon tickled his tongue. “You’ll get away with it this time,” He warned.

 “Yeah, now, tight jeans Hank is here. So. I gotta go.” It worked out for the best, his pocket buzzed.

 ‘Can you come back…?’

 Dating was hard. Steve and Eli were open about their relationship, it only took a year. He told the team he’d be coming to the party with his boyfriend. The guys thought he was joking, an early Halloween prank. There was joking, teasing, and only one punch before Steve thought going together would be okay. Eli had never been to a party. Steve was dividing his time between him and socializing. He tried having Elijah tag along. He only looked more miserable and settled for waiting by the back door away from the heart of the party. For the Mole’s it was a tradition to wear togas as a team to the Halloween party. Only seniors were allowed to dawn burgundy sashes and Laurel wreathes. A bronze belt buckle held the fabric together, their team number etched into the piece. Handed down, senior to senior. Just the buckle and sash, it was up to you to find your own bedsheet. Steve gagged at the thought of a used one, the possibilities done on the fabric (much of which where in his own plans).

 ‘I’m on the first floor, against the wall, by the sliding door.’

 Exactly where Steve had left him. Claire was supposed to keep him company! She had other things in mind, sitting in Jim’s lap, talking Aja’s ear off.  He raised his glass as he passed. Lake still wasn’t his favorite; Steve and Claire still went to Papaskullz concerts together. It was nice to piss Jim off, though Eli and Claire were rubbing off on him. Lake wasn’t completely-entirely-the pits.

 The crowd parted for Steve. White toga, burgundy sash. If that weren’t enough he was Steve Palchuk. He did not shimmy his shoulders or say excuse me once. “Hey Pep,” Steve’s shoulders fell an inch. Maybe it was the beer in him or he didn’t care who saw. He leaned over and kissed his cheek. It was only their second kiss in public. How could he not? Elijah’s outfit was perfect. Grey sweat pants, grey hoodie with a felted pink belly and tail, with matching pink Chucks. His nose painted black with whiskers. Morons called him a cat, “Such a cute kitty.” Steve kissed his neck.

 “You have no idea. C’mon, I’m Pepperjack. I’m obviously a mouse!”

 Steve knew, if only Eli wasn’t so cute when he pouted.

 “Thanks for coming back,” Elijah clasped their hands together. Parties weren’t his thing. He’d much rather spend Halloween in an abandoned building. Because that was relaxing?

 “Thanks for coming.” Steve thanked him twice earlier, seeing Elijah rub his arms and pick at his hoodie made him say it again. He appreciated Eli letting him keep with tradition and being together.

 “Oh? Is that for me,” Elijah took the red cup and shook his head. He was nearing his limit, drink the punch quick and go home.

 “Oh-oh…Okay you just drank that all. Okay. Cool.” Elijah handed the empty cup back to Steve, he tipped it over, honestly impressed. Maybe, hopefully, there wasn’t that much alcohol.

 The first giggle was cute. Typical. Welcomed.

 The second and third three-minute-long giggle fests were a bit of a concern.  Steve grinned, sitting cross legged with Elijah practically sitting on him. Their knees overlapped. Elijah spoke with his hands, his words slurring, the motions sort of made up for it. “Uh-huh,” Steve prodded him on. Took only ten minutes for the booze to kick in and Eli was on fire.

 “And-And he called me a cat! Can you believe that?”

 “No shit?”

 “No.”

 He was Toby, Steve heard this story twice already. It ended with Toby groaning that Elijah called him a shadow (on purpose), Toby was a ninja.

 “And-and….”

 “And?” Steve took Eli’s hand now that it wasn’t swinging around.

 Elijah’s lips slipped into a lazy smile, “I wanna kiss you.” Steve didn’t complain when Elijah leaned over, “Oh-shit, Pep.” He caught Eli by the shoulder. He wouldn’t have fell far, but him falling at all was a bit of concern. He wasn’t embarrassed, smiling still. That definitely wasn’t normal.

 “Alright. Hey. You sit right here, babe. I’m going to tell the guys I’m ducking out.” He’d be gone two minutes at most. Turns out chanting, grunting, and a quasi-pep rallying took about fifteen. Eli was not in the state left in either. His laughing louder, his head rolling to one side and then the other. Beside him, Colby, with an empty red solo cup.

 “Fuck. You didn’t give him that?”

 “Yeah. ‘Sup?”

 “It’s spiked.” Steve’s arm snaked around Elijah’s waist, securing him to his side. Not that he needed to, Elijah melted into him like a stick of butter.

 “Well that explains why it didn’t taste like shit anymore,” he grinned with a snicker. “You got him, dude?”

 “Yeah. So…What the heck are you supposed to be?” Steve didn’t get it ‘Doo-doo-do-doo-dee-doo’ Really? Was he wearing a shirt about shit?

 “You are such uneducated garbage.” Colby pressed his hand to Elijah’s cheek, “Hey you? Yeah, you with the grin. Tell your boyfriend you want an X-Files marathon.”

 “Ohmygod. Steve? Are we going to go watch Scully and Mulder?’ Eli popped up and bopped his head on Colby’s chin. Gladly, Steve took his turn to snicker.

 “Uhh, yeah babe, totally!” He’d been worried Elijah would turn into a disagreeable drunk, being that he was so complacent normally.  His arm jerked forward, his chest lurching forward in a sudden thrust.

 “Later Colby.”

 “Later Palchuk.”

 Elijah weaved and got stuck, their arms going taut until Steve closed the spaces between them. The crowd parted. Eli didn’t slow down until outside, “ahh~” He breathed, arms out stretched. His body tilted back, caught by Steve’s hands.

 “C’mon.”

 “Heh. ‘Kay.” Elijah bounced and Steve kept up the pace. They’d have four blocks to walk, no time to sober up, and Steve hadn’t heard from his mom what time she and coach would be getting back. At least, they had already gotten permission to stay the night over at Steve’s. He had never intending on letting Elijah drink, but he didn’t want to be caught dead with an ounce of intoxication on the Pepperjack premises.

 “Steve!”

 Saved by the Pep.

 “Hm?” His arm sidled around Elijah’s waist, keeping their pace and the other upright.

 “It’s our anniversary.”

 “Uh, that was last week Pep.” When he officially came out of the closet, dating in secret was eating away at Elijah and if he was being honest, himself.

 “Nono! Not that anniversary. Pssh. Old news. Who’s counting?”

 Steve knew, Eli was, he planned a whole date week for the two of them. “What am I forgetting?”

 “The first time we saw a ghost together.”

 “Ah yes, Casper. Our Cupid.” He was being sarcastic, it’d be funny if it wasn’t ironic.

 “I. LOVE. STEVE!” Elijah yelled without hesitation. Steve’s hands quickly covered in slobber, brushing against Elijah’s mouth as he laughed, having zero luck in keeping him quiet.

 “Sh-shshh,” He wasn’t convincing, still snickering, blushing. This was supposed to be a big moment! Elijah just SCREAMED the L-word! Elijah wiggled and squirmed out from under his hand. “He’s my boyfriend!” Elijah laughed again, screaming at still hopeful trick-or-treaters. Steve hugged him to his chest, walking Elijah backwards. His body warm against his, growing warmer with every laugh.

 “Leslie, if you don’t cool it…”

 “Leslie!” Elijah bellowed, his attempts to jump back foiled by Steve’s hug to his chest. “Leslie. Yeah. That’s me. You’re dating LESLIE.”

 “I’m dating a drunk shit.” Steve mouthed against his lips, hoping to offer some distraction. They were getting close; his fucking luck Ms. Pepperjack would be rounding the corner.

 “Hey,” Eli whispered, the kiss taking effect.

 “Yeah?”

 “Can I wear your flower?”

 “It’s a Laurel.” Steve corrected, Elijah was drunk he’d never have another chance to one up him.

 “Yeah.”

 Steve plucked the leaf wreath from his head and plopped it onto Elijah’s. His eyes lit up, wide and hazy, but elated. Steve stroked his cheek, shivering at the wind on his bare arms. They were close, he could stand it for the moment. The cold was good to sober Eli up anyhow.

 “After I get you some water and you’re a little less tipsy, can you tell me that again?”

 Eli leaned back, grinning as Steve used one arm to pull him back again. “What?” He asked, cheeks rosy from the cold, the alcohol, the possibilities to be had on the sheets.

 “That you love me.” Steve kissed him softly, he wouldn’t get to do more until Elijah sobered up. But not kissing was impossible. Not when he was thinking about what Elijah saying those words could mean.

 “If you say you love me back.”

 “Nah.”

 “What?!” Elijah gawked.

 “Trick-or-treat.”

 “You buttsnack!”

 Steve snickered.

 “Steve! C’monnn” Elijah grabbed his shoulders, attempting to shake him but succeed in only moving himself. “The good candy. Not the cheap stuff, no tootsie roll equivalent like ‘you too’.”

 He had intending on saying it when both of them were sober. Drunk Eli however, had demands. Who was he to deny them?

 “I love you, Pepper.”

 “Whoa…That was like…King size candy.”

 “Well. I am Steve Palchuk. Spring Fling King, two years running. And you, my little mouse,” Steve nuzzled his head into Elijah’s neck, eliciting another eruption of giggles. “Are the love of my life. And if you sober up, maybe we can go ghost hunt.”

 No words could have been sweeter.

 “I love you, Steve.”

 Except those four exactly.

[be-the-script]

The preposterous adventures of Agust D the mermaid hunter and his half-lamb half-cookie companion Jeon Jungkook, including the stories of the prince of the air searching for his wings and how the Yin and the Yang found their balance

← Previous Chapter

Chapter 5/10: Did you know? The Cucurbitaceae family is organised in 15 tribes

Word Count: 1,321

Summary: Stop underestimating Seokjin, dammit!!

The so-called wizard was trying to explain his story but Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook had decided to ignore him and were currently pondering on what to do with him. The loud sound of a motor coming closer before stopping interrupted them. Pretty sure about who it was, Jungkook and Taehyung headed toward the origin of the sound, dragging Seokjin with them while Jimin was following a bit further away, in the sea.

Agust D doesn't get surprised easily, but he had to admit that the partly bird creature was unexpected. Hoseok and Namjoon were also surprised, Hoseok squeaking and hiding behind his brother as soon as he saw it. Jungkook quickly made the presentations - "Birdie, that's Beggar. Beggar, that's Birdie." - and ended with two bumps on the head. They all introduced themselves in the end and each team filled the other up about what had happened. Seokjin had gotten silent after a while, realising that the new arrivals were also determined to ignore him. Hmpf, they would pay in the end.

They went back to the seashore to join Jimin. He was busy eating raw shellfish. As soon as he saw them a smile lit up his face, exposing the dangerous teeth. Hoseok, even though he had already seen him once still grabbed his brother's arm at the sight.

As the seven of them were now reunited, had voiced their goals - Seokjin trying to explain all the things he wanted to do to his little brother when he would be free, - and agreed on a general collaboration, they decided on the order of things.

They would all participate in the search of Taehyung's wings, then Jimin would talk with Hoseok and Namjoon and finally go with Agust D - on the condition Taehyung would accompany them to make sure no harm would be done to the merman. And Jungkook was staying around because of the promise of food.

Miguel kept Agust D from realising that by that point it would've probably been simpler to just find a job to earn enough money to go to Kumamoto and just like that they all accepted the deal. However, there was still another problem to deal with. They turned to Seokjin who was pouting. Hoseok was about to ask him for the truth - because that story of wizardry was simply ridiculous - but he was interrupted by Jimin who was now looking toward the deep water.

"Oh, TaeTae I have to go! Goodbye delicious meals!"

"… I don't know whether I should feel flattered or frightened." Namjoon said, looking at the merman quickly leaving them.

"He's carnivorous. In all honesty, all he sees when he looks at you are pieces of meat waiting to be eaten." Taehyung explained.

"Wonderful. Let's go inside the Snail to deal with that." Agust D said while pointing at Seokjin, which made this one shout out once again.

Inside the still devastated home - Agust D had just put back Scarface and Braveheart back on their shelves, because favorites’ privilege, - they all tried to find a place to sit and debated on what they should do with the crazy old man who was cursing them all and talking more nonsense about cookies and rabbits. The group was slowly heading toward the conclusion that they should just abandon the man here and leave him to his fate.

Yet, before they could do anything, Seokjin successfully freed himself from the shoelaces. He quickly took out from his pocket a little trident with a pumpkin on it. He drew a circle in front of him with it and a flash of light later he was wearing a pumpkin hat and a pumpkin cape.

Impressed by the whole scene, Hoseok let out a "Woah!! A magical boy!!"

Seokjin glared at him and pointed his pumpkin trident toward his offender.

"Abobra Cayaponia!" He yelled.

An orange light was emitted by the trident right to Hoseok, making him disappear.

Seokjin lifted his chin.

"No one insults a wizard of the Order of the Pumpkin!"

The remaining people in the Snail looked at him with shock all over their faces. So he was actually serious?!

Seokjin turned toward Jungkook, threatening. The boy immediately renounced to all notion of pride and started quickly talking.

"Hyung! No! You can't! If you do that Father will punish you!! He said you were forbidden to perform magic on me, remember?"

Seokjin sneered at him before lowering his pumpkin trident… and rather grabbing his little brother by the ear, making him yelp in pain.

"Erh, excuse me?" Namjoon asked, apprehending the wizard’s anger. "Where's my brother?"

"Right here!!" Hoseok's voice said.

 All but Seokjin turned their head toward the sound but no Hoseok could be seen. Agust D suddenly pointed an object though.

"Hey! What happened to my baseball ball?!"

Indeed the white ball was glowing a soft light.

"It's me!!" The ball said with Hoseok's voice.

"I turned him into pure energy and he fixed himself on the fittest and closest object" Jin explained while they were all gaping at the little baseball ball.

"So, a wizard right?" Taehyung asked, still in disbelief.

"Exactly, I'm Kim Seokjin, honorary member of the Order of the Pumpkin. We're the descendants of the Cucurbiteae tribe. I specialize in potion making, floral arrangement, and necromancy."

"The third one is a bit different, isn't it?"

"Are you being racist towards magic types?"

"No, no I'm just surprised by all of that."

"Why are you all so surprised about me being a wizard, yet barely batting an eye when facing a mermaid or a human bird?!"

"First, Jimin is a merman and secondly I…"

"Y'all shut up right now!" Agust D yelled, supported by Estrella. "We're in the Snail, aka my house, so I don't care if you're some kind of glowing magical birdie with a fishtail, you shut up and calm the fuck down!! Or I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you!!"

Everyone finally calmed down. Maybe because Agust D had fallen asleep right after yelling and no one wanted to deal with an angry Agust D. Namjoon politely asked Seokjin to turn his brother back. The wizard nervously laughed.

"Well about that, that's funny you see, because, for reasons - that are totally independent of me, I must tell you - I may be unable to change your brother's condition for the moment. But I want you to know that he's perfectly fine even in that state!! Promise!"

"Well, it feels weird but I can't say it hurts, so I suppose it's fine… Like hell, I'm gonna say that!!! Turn me back old man!!!" The baseball ball said, its light getting brighter with its strong emotions. Namjoon took the little ball in his hands, gently whispering to calm it down.

"Come on, it's not like you to not have any counterspell, so what is it?" Jungkook asked to his brother.

"I need Cucurbita seeds and zucchini leafs to make the potion to turn him back. I'm out of both…"

"Go get some? It's not like it's rare or anything."

"The thing is I have to pick everything during the full moon at midnight or else they won't have enough magical power… So you'll have to wait one week it seems."

The brightness in Namjoon hands increased a bit but it stopped with a sigh. Hoseok was resigned. As a result, it was decided that Seokjin would join the research of the wings, as Hoseok didn't want him to go away before giving him back his body.

They tried to make dinner but when they realised most of the fridge was filled with beer bottles, Namjoon and Jungkook were send to do groceries. They used Namjoon and Hoseok's car to go the city nearby. During that time, Taehyung went to the seashore to fill Jimin up on the latest events.

Next chapter → 

[bigdious]

It’s Winter, isn’t it?- Chapter One:Sunrise

It was a beautiful day back then, where the forest and a flowery hill met. Birds were singing the notes of a slow-paste song, praising the powers of nature, and the flowers were blooming with a beauty unimaginable by human means. However, through this entire flora, there was a rupture, the figure of a boy walking into the forest of life. He was following a faint path, probably made by his repeated walks there. Even though he was a stranger in the picture of nature, it seemed like he was accepted by it, like it knew who he was. After a while he suddenly stopped at an opening, situated somewhere at the beating heart of said forest. He knelt down carefully as if there was something bellow the ground he needed to keep safe from any kind of misfortune, something he truly cared about. With a loving tone he whispered a few warm words:

-Good morning, sweetheart!

Then, the body of a sleeping girl rose from the ground covered by a sheet of dense moss. Her hair was a grass like green with pink flowers blooming on it, her skin was softer than any cloth ever made and with her eyes opening like the pure shine of a sunrise, she pleaded:

-Just give me five more minutes, please! -She said wiping her glowing blood-red eyes- Is it Spring already?

-I wouldn’t be here otherwise, now would I?

-Yes you would! I know you; you probably checked every day if I was alright or not…

-Is that a problem? -He asked with a smile.

-No! -She jumped up hugging him- If you hadn’t done that, I would be worried that you don’t love me anymore…

-Don’t worry Siri, no matter what happens, I’ll always be here, by your side.

-I know you will be, Cole, I believe in you and I’ll always do…

*****

Next day, Cole showed up at the limit of the hill, but this time Siri walked out, as if she had already felt his presence through the hundreds of life forms of the forest. The two youth set down at the top of said flowery hill, enjoying the peace of their blooming love until Cole finally broke the ice of silence:

-It has been about three years since we’ve met, but after all this time; I have never asked you when your birthday is.

-I don’t really know what “birthday” is; after all you’re the only human I have ever spoken to. - She replied holding a confused expression.

-It’s the anniversary of the day you were born. My birthday is at fifth January, that’s mostly the reason why I have never thought of asking yours.

-Honestly, I have no idea when I was born; I grew up lonely, only having the forest to teach me, and, technically speaking, I die and reborn every year…

-Then wouldn’t your birthday be the day you wake up? Also, I did see you getting older, at the same rate as me, so will you someday actually die, like me?-he said, with a mixed expression, flowing between worriedness and curiosity.

-I don’t know, but you really shouldn’t worry for me so much, I should be the one who’s afraid for you. I am safe here, in the forest of life, but you, you are always wondering the concrete jungle and one day you might just stop coming to me, leaving me alone forever- Siri answered with a higher tone, almost screaming at him, and teardrops slowly dripping down her face- What will I do then?

Seeing the chaos he had created in the harmony that is Siri’s mind, Cole leaned in, calming her lost body and whispered silently into her ear:

-Then I’ll come back…

After she had finally calmed down, the boy suddenly stood up:

 -It’s slowly time for me to go.

-Why can’t you stay a bit more? You always leave so fast, almost like there’s another girl you are going to meet… -the jealous girl looked down to a lonely flower. He lightly caressed her face, looking into those crimson eyes of her:

-Don’t be silly, sweetheart, it’s Monday and I have school tomorrow. But I promise you, after I finish high school, starting from next year, I’ll be staying here every moment of every day, through winter and summer, I’ll never leave.

-If you promise me…

-Please, don’t be so down, try to think about me coming back tomorrow. Goodbye, Siri!

-Bye! -She responded with a waving smile, after which she wandered back into her home, the breathing nature.

*****

After a few weeks, sometime at the middle of April, there was a powerful storm raining for days, but even if the world was ending, it wouldn’t be enough to stop Cole from seeing his sacred muse. One time, on one of those days, they were sitting at the top of a tree taking an overview at the power of nature, who was wearing a sky-blue dress and dancing through the darkest clouds, filling them with an unseen light of joy. Their admiration was suddenly broken by a simple but meaningful memory:

-Cole, do you still remember how we met? How we crossed paths on the road, laid before us by destiny?

-I could never forget the day you changed my life, Siri… This rain really makes it feel like it truly was just yesterday, doesn’t it?

-Yeah, it really does…-she answered noticing sunlight breaking through the darkened sky.

-I was aimlessly walking through the forest, when I suddenly heard a whisper, which was actually a song, a lullaby, but I couldn’t hear the lyrics. I started to wander closer and closer to it, until I finally saw someone, a girl dressed in plants, flowers in her hair and with her crimson eyes she looked at me scared, almost as if she saw a ghost. She asked me who I was and what I was doing there. I said I was just admiring the nature. It seemed like she had loosen up a bit from that answer, so we started to talk, slowly finding interest in each other. That’s why I continue coming back here every day; to see the crimson eyes who bewitched me into falling in love with them; a curse I’ll always praise -Meanwhile, Siri was singing said lullaby:

Wild flower blossoming,

I beg of you tell me this so I know too,

Why do people fight?

They all act as if it's right

Don't they know

That's no

Way to live?

 Valiant flower blossoming,

What can you see

When ...you look down on me?

Why can't people say

That they're sorry for the way

That they fought,

I thought

We once could…?

-Is that the melody? It’s beautiful, where did you learn it?

-I don’t know, back then I felt an instinct and just started singing. Though I haven’t forgotten it since.

-That’s strange, but to be honest, I’m talking to a dryad like girl, who grew up in a magical forest. What do I know?

-Oh shut up,-She giggled- You should stop trying to explain everything.

-Yes, I should…-He smiled back, enlightening the mood made by the black rain- “Why do people fight?”, that’s a question I would like to answer, but even I don’t know the answer. Maybe we want to have the power to overcome ourselves? Or we just want to control everything, so we can fulfill our feeling of safety?

-You aren’t like that! -She reacted quickly- You are loving, kind, you aren’t heartless, you don’t act like those people!

-Not all people are the same, Siri. Some fights are for power, but some are born from wanting to protect something or someone. If it would come to it I would do anything to protect you; I cannot and will not live without you, sweetheart.

-Why would you fight against your own kind for me? I’m not even a human…-Her expression has turned into a fading dusk.

-Yes, you are not human, that’s become clear to me, however I do not care about that, I only know one thing now; you are always here for me and that’s something I can never thank you enough for, no matter what I do…

-Thanks, Cole -She hugged him tightly- I really needed to hear that.

The boy responded by setting his hand on the girl’s head and started listening to the silence of the raindrops dancing on their faces, in the same way they were when they’ve first met, on that day of Autumn.

*****

It was the first day of Summer, when the warmth of the sun truly radiated the surface of the earth, creating a greenhouse filled with numerous forests and biospheres. As always, Cole was visiting his wandering flower, but she was different; her hair was lacking blossoming flowers, instead there were a few cherries in their places and she was wearing a lively wild dress made of leaves and sticks, with wing-like leaf structures on her back. Her eyes were still crimson-red but they felt like they were emanating warmth.

Cole called for her, smiling again:

-Seems like it truly is the first day of Summer, isn’t it?

-Yes! –She turned around, with reminiscence in her eyes- this makes me remember how surprised you were the first time you saw me change. You didn’t know what happened to me.

-I was concerned something happened to you! That was the first time you’ve changed since the day I had met you, so I didn’t know it’s a thing of yours; to just change your appearance depending on what season it is. –he sounded like a child trying to explain his actions.

-It was still funny though. –She giggled.

-Maybe, just a bit...

The two of them patrolled their forest, admiring the blessed garden they had created by protecting the very place their eyes had met years ago. Through the dense cover of the pulsating green leaves there were rays of sunlight dancing to the melody sung by the nature’s dryad for her ever-loving knight. With the change of the seasons, Siri’s look, as well as her personality, changes: with her awakening in Spring she’s very emotional and also quite unstable. After all, if there’s even a small imbalance in nature, it would all crumble in the same way as a flower would if it got trampled. In Summer, her true happiness surfaces, showing the face of a small princess, who’s enjoying every little moment of her life. This all changes with the arrival of Autumn, when she becomes sorrow and a feeling of loneliness finds her, however this changed with the appearance of Cole, now making her feel an undying and a quite clingy love towards him, almost worshipping him. This all ends though with the first day of Winter, when Siri goes to sleep at the heart of the forest, ending the cycle. But there’s something Siri doesn’t know about, something that happens when she sinks into the ground, something unbelievable…

*****

Seasons went by; Cole visited her muse every day making sure there was still someone, just one person he needed to live for, a human, no, a being the knight needed to keep safe.

There was one day though that nobody wanted, the end of the third year of their meeting; the first day of Winter. It was a cold day, winds were telling the story of a lonely muse and the clouds were foreshadowing the first snow. The coal of a flaming love was standing at the edge of a forest burning in the red, brown and yellow colors of the fallen leaves. With sadness in his eyes and a fake smile emanating from him, Coal walked to the heart of the forest, looking for those crimson eyes, the ones he would die for, just to see them once. With sorrow in his tender voice he asked his love:

-It’s Winter, isn’t it?

Siri looked down, feeling guilty for leaving him again, in the same way she did every year leading up to this one. She remembered the first time she went to sleep: she hadn’t told Cole about it and when she has finally awakened, he hugged her, with droplets of tears flowing down on his relieved face, knowing that his crimson rose has bloomed again. When she was about to finally answer, there was an interruption; Cole holding her hand and telling her something:

-I’m not angry at you, Siri. I could never be, even if I tried to. I know it’s not your fault you’re like this, you shouldn’t be blaming yourself. Yes, I am sad, but when I think about seeing you again in Spring, I forget the sadness. You should to…

Hearing this, Siri started crying with joy, telling him one last thing: “Thank you”, then a small little snowflake fell on the girl, setting her unconscious. Cole carefully settled her down to the ground, where she was covered over by the tree’s roots, pulling her underground. Then it happened; a sight unknown by the keeper of these woods, being witnessed by the knight of the forest.

The trees started to disappear one by one, turning into little particles of light, then fading into nothing. Every plant, every animal and every little insect, they all turned into a lie, told by the hills surrounding the place. That was the secret of the forest of life; it had a living heart, placed into a vessel, a doll which was able to suffer, to feel sadness and joy, to love…

This was the reason nobody wandered into the forest, nobody dared to enter the forest of death. Nobody but a boy, a boy who found his life between the gravestones of the undead.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

WARNING: Intimidation with a firearm. Also, briefly incestuous flirting.

Merry Christmas, to those who celebrate. Just a couple more chapters left, but I hope this one helps to make your season bright!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

~ x JUDGMENT x ~

"And you know the rest," Makoto sighed as she rubbed her eyes, weary from the fluorescent bulb above them. "So now you're up to speed."

Sae scowled. "I'll decide when I'm up to speed or not. And I don't feel like I am."

"Why not? You already know the rest of this story, so there's no point in-"

"There is. I want to hear it from your perspective. Can you see how that might provide me with some valuable insight that I'm otherwise missing? Unless… you don't want me to take that into consideration, and act purely based on my own observations."

The younger sister's expression turned darker. "You promised. And I've already told you so much. Why are you being so insistent?"

"Because it's my job. Just keep going and I'll tell you when you can stop."

"Really?" No budging. After a brief staring contest, she closed her eyes. "Fine… but I don't see the point in making me relive one of the scariest moments of my life…"

                                                        ~ x The Priestess x ~

Seeing your face peek through the doorway as you stepped inside was like seeing Death coming. Because it was; it was the death of the carefully cultivated relationship that was now so important to both of us. Nothing spells "the end" like being barged in on by your sister, who just so happens to be a public prosecutor.

"Makoto?" There was nothing either of us could do as we watched you kick the door closed behind yourself, dropping your briefcase on the kitchen counter. "Are you home?"

The worst part is that it didn't happen right away. We had no way to escape without being noticed, so we could either have called out "Hello" or waited for you to notice we were there. Unable to speak as we were, we chose the latter. Sadayo didn't even have enough time to roll off of me before your sharp eyes found the two of us.

"What…?" The transformations hurt. Watching your face move from passive to confused, to shocked. "Makoto?!"

"W-welcome home, Sis," I said. Stupid. I don't know why I thought that would be a smart thing to say at all, it just automatically slipped out.

That was when the anger came, Sae. I'm sure you remember being angry, but you don't know what that looked like to me - to us. Like a mythological creature filled with holy fire, about to unleash vengeance. Your voice was a low growl when you finally found it again.

"What are you doing to my sister?"

"Nothing," she said instinctively, rolling slightly away from me with one hand raising as if to ward off an actual physical blow. "I promise, it's… you have the wrong-"

The cocking of the gun silenced her, while it made me squeak in dismay. "You have five seconds to get off her or I'll make sure you don't even make it to prison. One… two…"

"Okay, I'm going," she breathed as she backed up, shaking like a leaf. I had never seen her look that scared; afraid of what we were doing was not the same as afraid for her life. Then she was kneeling next to me, both hands raised as she gazed straight back at you.

"Three…"

"Wait! What else do- you said to get off her! What do you want me to do?!"

"Four-"

"STOP!" I shouted, throwing myself in front of her with my arms out to the sides. "Sis, you can't do this - it's not what you think, you don't understand!"

That was when the righteous fury cracked just enough so that you could take in what was going on again. Not just glare at the both of us until you had the chance to exact vengeance.

"Makoto, what are you doing? Don't get in the way - I can't get a clear shot now!"

"I don't want you to have one! She's not hurting… she's my friend, okay?! Please, don't hurt her!"

You would know better than I would, but that next expression… I think it was betrayal. You thought I was siding with her instead of you and it hurt. Not that it was the truth of the situation, but I can see how you would think so given where I was positioned.

"Sister… why? Who is she, and what the hell is she doing here?"

"I'll explain everything." Swallowing hard, I held my hands a little higher as I felt one of Sadayo's resting in the middle of my back. "Just let her go, a-and I'll tell you anything you want to know. Okay? Is it a deal?"

"No. I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way. You're a minor and you are my responsibility; she's taking advantage of you and I will not stand for that. In my own home!" Your teeth were bared like a growling dog as you added, "And even if you weren't my responsibility, I would do the same thing. It's my job to punish criminals."

That last word, criminals, seemed to break my teacher. She let out a shaky sigh and stood from behind my back, arms still up.

"You can take me away. I deserve it, I… just don't blame Makoto too much. Please, she's… I led her on, and she was my victim."

"Sadayo?" I whispered, turning to look up at her with wide eyes. But she didn't look back; only shook her head slightly as she kept her gaze on the attacker.

And you gazed right back. Still aiming your weapon at my teacher, still threatening the woman I loved. I was so angry at you for doing that, even if I was more scared that this situation would devolve and you might actually hurt her.

"You'll come quietly?"

"NO!" I shouted.

"Yes," she said immediately afterward, expression pained. "May I… put my uniform back on first? Please."

At least you nodded to that one. "You try anything funny and you'll regret it. Don't dawdle."

So we watched her get dressed. For a moment, I panicked, not sure what to do with myself. Almost shut down again, like I always did when things got rough with people close to me. Then I started hastily pulling my own clothes back on; I beat Sadayo to the punch because mine were less complex. While she was still securing her apron around her waist, I walked up to your side.

"Let me explain first," I whispered.

"What is she wearing? Did you- is she a Delivery Health professional?!"

"Sis-"

"What are you doing hiring a hooker?"

I could practically feel Sadayo shrinking nearby. Hastily, I hissed at her, "I can explain. And I will. However much you need to hear, just… just don't report her, o-or hand her over to the police. Not yet!"

"I'm sorry. Maybe you have Stockholm Syndrome right now, but that's not going to keep me from doing my-"

"If you run her in without hearing my side of the story first, I will never forgive you."

"That's fine," you sighed, shaking your head as you watched Kawakami finish dressing, hands shaking as they fell to rest at her sides. "Give it a few years and you'll get over it. You'll understand what I did for you today."

"No." I stepped directly in front of your gun again, and my heart pounded wildly as I realised that as well trained as you were, one little slip and my life would be over.

"Makoto, this is NOT a GAME."

"You're right. And I'm not playing. You had better pull that trigger if you want me to let you take her away."

"Makoto, no!" Sadayo hissed at me. "It'll be alright; just let her take me in! Don't do this!"

"I have to. She isn't listening - and she won't unless I make her."

That was the first time you truly focused on me and my words, saw the determination shining in my eyes. "What is wrong with you? Is this random prostitute really worth your life?"

"All of my friends are. But especially her. I know you won't shoot me, but I am going to keep putting my body between yours and hers until you agree to hear me out. If… you still think you need to arrest her after that, then…" My voice lost a little of its steam. "Then I guess I can't stop you."

You would never have harmed me. Don't think I'm confused on that point.

"What is your name?" you demanded as you finally relaxed your posture and holstered your weapon, a deep sigh escaping you. I could see the hatred burning down into resentment; you resented me for making it harder for you to do your job.

"S-Sadayo Kawakami."

"Good." You wrote down the name in your notebook, and my heart sank. That was it; my sister, the public prosecutor, now had my girlfriend on the hook for whatever charge she wanted to hit her with. "Don't leave Tokyo. If you do, I'll find you and have you extradited."

"No, of course not," she breathed with a deep sigh, running her fingers up toward her hair - and finding the wig. So her hand fell away. "I'm not going to run. Might as well accept my fate; I dug this grave and I can lie in it just fine."

You didn't care about how she looked. How much she hated herself in that moment, how she had just barely been hanging onto life for the few good things in it. Being registered as a sex offender - if that was the route you tried to take with her - would kill what little was left of her life completely. And all you cared about was victory.

"Get out of my apartment."

"Okay. I mean, yes, sir. I mean…" She cleared her throat and bowed, then turned to get her shoes on.

"Wait." I held up a finger to point at you and hissed, "You know I don't run, either. But I'm going to tell her goodbye. Then you can do whatever you want to me."

Your eyes narrowed to stab into my body as you hissed, "Fine. Tell your… sex toy goodbye. Might as well."

Wanting to hit you was a surprising emotion. Despite all our previous disagreements, the times you made me feel worthless and small, I never wanted to hurt you physically. Not even once. Until you threatened the woman whom I stood a chance at loving.

"Fine."

Sadayo had just been opening the door when I caught up to her, opened it, and pushed her into the apartment hallway. The floor out there was a little cold on my bare feet but I endured the mild discomfort, focusing on her stricken face.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as I instantly began to cry. It was almost like flipping a switch. "I didn't- she w-wasn't supposed to get home until tomorrow, she told me- I didn't-"

"Shhhh," she whispered with a finger on my lips. My heart seized in my chest but calm seemed to settle over me at the same time. Whatever magic she had at her disposal was working. "It's okay. This… was always going to happen. I just let myself believe it might not. What the hell miracle was I expecting?"

My tears only came faster. "It's all my fault. How could I forget who I live with? Even if… K-Kawakami-sensei, I'm sorry, I am truly sorry!" I bowed at the waist, eyes slamming shut as I held the position. Trembling all over, wanting to sink into the floor.

"Come on, don't… don't take it all on yourself. I've always known I'm the one screwing up both our lives." Her hand caressed the back of my neck. "Don't beat yourself up."

"Alright." She was telling me not to, and I wanted to honour her request. I stood upright again, eyes and cheeks wet but trying to be my usual stoic self. Trying to get back the old Makoto that she and my other friends had helped to soften. "I apologise for what happened today. I will live a thousand lives and never be sorry enough. I… I will see you soon."

Her brow creased for just a moment. Then she glanced at the door, open a crack as it was, and quickly dusted my forehead with a tiny kiss. "You're going to be okay."

Then she was gone. I had never felt more alone in my entire life.

The instant I was back inside our apartment, you said, "I'm taking you to the station."

"What? Why?"

"I want you to understand how serious this situation is. If you want to be questioned like a criminal, you'll be treated like one. Let's go."

I marched over to you, took a deep breath-

                                                        ~ x JUDGMENT x ~

"We don't have to get into that part," Sae sighed at her little sister wearily. "I remember. That was an argument I would rather not relive."

"You said you wanted my perspective, even though you know all this."

"Only on the confrontation, and what I missed outside the front door."

A little at a time, Makoto began to smirk darkly. "Pretty sneaky, Sis. You got me. Didn't even figure out that was why you wanted me to keep going, and you already got the information out of me. What a great reporter you would make."

"I just don't understand this. Any of this." The elder of the siblings contemplated for a long few seconds before firing at her, "How could you ever want to date a prostitute? Don't you know how many men she's touched? Or women? That doesn't terrify you?"

"No." Makoto's shoulders rose and fell. "It's not like she's working at a Soapland; she's just… giving a little relief if they want to pay the extra. Most of her clients just want the cleaning done, or someone to listen to them talk and act cute."

"But you could wind up with an STI, Makoto. Did you ever think of that?"

That brought the girl up hard. She squirmed for a moment, then shook her head. "I guess you're right, but I don't care."

"How? How can you not-"

"Do you think this is the life she wants? She's my teacher. She loves being a teacher, even if someone tried to convince her that she got a kid killed by trying to do the right thing. And the money isn't enough. So she does this to atone for what she thinks is a 'mistake', but… but it's not! She just wanted to tutor him, that's not a mistake! It's not a crime!"

Sae sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "And neither is Delivery Health, very technically speaking. But you know it's going right up to the line without stepping over."

"Stop shaming her," she snapped. "Not everybody's as lucky as you."

"What? Lucky, hm?" Sae smiled darkly. "Fine. I'm lucky that I spent so many years having to claw my way up the ladder of success. I'm lucky that I've been held back from achieving it again and again by disgusting men with disgusting ambitions. And I'm lucky that I had to peel a slut off my sister's-"

"SHUT UP!"

Sae flinched from the outburst, even if it was a tiny flinch. Then her expression darkened even further as she stood, hands leaning against the table as she glared daggers at the younger girl.

"This delusion that Kawakami cares for you needs to stop. You are a plaything to her. Can't you see that? All she wants is to see how far she can get with you and then she will discard you like a Big Bang wrapper. And I'm going to have to pick up the pieces."

Makoto stood as well, even if she was lacking several inches on her sister. "No, you don't. You can leave me to rot if it makes you feel better. But if you actually prosecute her after everything I just told you… then I don't care anymore. I don't care about you anymore because family wouldn't hurt me that way."

"It would hurt you to punish her for doing something immoral? That doesn't even make sense!"

"I'm leaving," Makoto told her firmly as she began to round the table. "Going home. Just… if I can't see her, then I want to be alone for a while."

"Don't you walk away from me!" Sae spun her chair halfway around, her body fully. "I'm trying to save you from being preyed upon, you stupid, ungrateful child! Can't you see that?"

"I don't. All I see is my sister is… hurting me. So badly, and she can't even tell."

"That bitch doesn't 'love' you! Do you really think a high school senior could charm an adult woman like that if she weren't already a predator with her sights set on the prey?!"

"Oh." Makoto turned back from the door she was approaching, hands on her hips. "That's what this is about? You don't think I'm attractive? You don't think I have enough charisma for her to want to be with me?"

Sae's eyebrows hiked. "What? I didn't say you aren't attractive at all. Just that a woman of Kawakami's age-"

Suddenly, the elder sister found she had a lap full of Makoto. The younger girl reached a hand up and delicately nipped a stray hair that had escaped Sae's barrettes behind her ear, then grazed her nails over the skin of her cheek and neck. The woman could only blink and stare, lips slightly parted in surprise as she tried to string two brain cells together to form any basic reaction whatsoever.

"Wha…?"

"I am a quick study," she whispered as she caressed her.

Sae's primary problem was that her sister was doing this in the first place. What was she trying to accomplish? But the bigger problem was that, beneath her anger and her outrage, her disgust at the idea, it wasn't entirely unsuccessful. Her heart rate had increased, her breathing louder and quicker. She couldn't seem to do anything with her hands besides rest them on either side of Makoto's waist, to keep her from falling.

Motherly instinct. But she couldn't fully rule out that there was another instinct at work.

"Sis… I'm not as much of a boring pushover as you probably thought. So just let me go see Sadayo, and let me tell her that she's going to be okay. That you won't hurt her."

A lot more uncomfortably than she intended, Sae whispered, "But she's hurting you. She's taking you from me, and… and she's going to take your innocence. You're my little Makoto, how can I just… let you be stolen by someone who doesn't care about you?"

"I'm yours?" Her face was suddenly yet closer. "Care to explain why you think I belong to you?"

"Because… you're my responsibility. Have been for a long time. I can't turn that off, and I don't want to. You help me with my stress, and take care of the house, and… cook dinner, because you know I would only make a mess. And in return… I protect you from all of those things out there that want to destroy little girls."

Her smile was a little dangerous, and Sae gulped. "So I'm your wife?"

"Oh… no. What? No! At least… I never meant… for…"

"It's okay." She kissed Sae's cheek, feeling her jump from the contact, then got up from her lap. "Sorry. Maybe I got too pushy, and asked things you didn't want to think about."

Swallowing hard, Sae stared off into the corner. "Makoto, I am a woman. And you're my sister! There's no reason to- please, listen. Honestly, I do not want that from you; I don't think of you that way."

"Never? Not even once?"

"NO."

At the firmness of that answer, Makoto's smile faded. "Alright. I'm sorry, I just… wanted to prove I'm not some sexless bottle of milk. And I got you blushing, so I did that. I promise I'll stop."

Sae's hands pushed into her cheeks. She was burning up. Why? Because Makoto sat in her lap and teased her? Maybe she needed to get out more. And there had been that gorgeous back-alley doctor she went to see after that case a couple of months ago, because she had been shot through the shin…

That doctor had been a woman. Maybe there was more to what Makoto was hinting at than she wanted to admit. But the last thing she wanted to entertain was that it could ever apply to the relationship between Makoto and herself.

"You proved it," she admitted, clearing her throat and ignoring the speed of her heart thudding against the inside of her chest. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to say you were unattractive. Just that in my experience, no one over the age of twenty-five dates a woman ten years younger for honourable reasons. It wasn't about how appealing you might be."

"Trying to protect me, I know," she sighed. "But… I don't want to be protected from Sadayo. I don't need to be."

"Of course you think so. But you could be wrong. And what if I let you do this… and you get hurt? Not just sad for a week, but you wind up with a disease?"

Frowning hard at the floor, Makoto whispered, "She's not a prostitute. She doesn't have diseases. She is a person, Sis. Can't you show her some respect?"

There was a long pause as the prosecutor weighed her options. Now she could tell that her sister was dead serious, and she really might lose her forever if she refused. So… "Alright, alright. For your sake, I'll agree to meet her before I take her into custody. If I'm satisfied that you've been telling the truth about the nature of your relationship being non-sexual and that she has your best interests at heart… I suppose… I might forego arresting her."

"Really?" The pure, unadulterated hope blossoming in Makoto's features told Sae that she was doing the right thing. Even if she despised it.

"On one condition." She held up her finger as she looked her little sister dead in the eyes. "She has to get tested. And stop offering 'health kisses' entirely. I'm not risking your well-being because you two are reckless."

Makoto folded her arms. "You'll have to take it up with her. I don't own her and I'm not going to make decisions without consulting her. Which is how that's supposed to work, isn't it?"

Still flustered from the impromptu lap dance from her own sister, Sae pushed to her feet and smoothed down the front of her suit. "It is. But I would appreciate if you would stop acting as if you're the authority figure and I'm the spoiled brat. Legally, I can still ground you from seeing her and arrest her for soliciting a minor."

"Not if I don't press charges! And I won't."

"Then I can have her fired. Surely Shujin would frown upon a teacher dating her own student. Do you really think I'm being unreasonable by wanting to make sure she's not a predator?!"

Makoto opened her mouth a couple of times, closed it. Then she sighed and bowed slightly. "You're right. You're not doing anything that different from what I did when I first found out about her and Ren. Forgive me, Sister. I'm very upset and worried, and you are trying to look out for my best interests. I shouldn't be so ungrateful."

After a few seconds of silence, Sae grunted, "Oh, stand up. Let's just get this over with."

                                                        To Be Continued…

[recentanimenews]

THE GREAT NARUTO REWATCH Goes New Places in Episodes 155-161!

Welcome to the Great Crunchyroll Naruto Rewatch! I’m Kevin Matyi and I’ll be your host for this week as we make our way through all 220 episodes of the original Naruto. Last week we went through some filler practically buzzing with action, then started the Curry of Life arc in Episodes 148 - 154. This week, we concluded Curry of Life and had several rapid fire stories involving Naruto in new teams and the Leaf village infiltrated by impersonators in episodes 155 - 161.

This set of episodes continues our wade through the insane amount of filler that pads out the original show before transitioning into Shippuden. However filler isn’t inherently bad. During this week’s episodes, we finally got to watch Naruto take a leadership position and see both how bad he is at being a leader and how much he’s willing to adapt to the new position after realizing his own failings. And that’s without even mentioning the mini-arc that’s basically just a Western movie-style revenge plot with outlaws and bounty hunters. 

This is the first time that Naruto has gone completely away from an arc-based structure to more one-shots and mini-arcs, so let’s see what the Crunchyroll Features team thought about this week’s episodes and Naruto in general.

We started this week with the Kurosuki family trying to kill our main characters with boulders, then using the “Black Tornado jutsu,” also known as a bunch of dudes with claws sitting on each others’ shoulders and spinning really fast. We’ve seen some awesome jutsu and some really silly ones throughout Naruto, what have been some of your most and least favorites?

Paul: I actually liked the absurdity of the “Black Tornado Jutsu”, but I gather that I was supposed to take it seriously, which I absolutely did not. My favorite Jutsu remains Kakashi's Copy Jutsu, because of the many supernatural powers we've seen so far, it seems most emblematic of the shinobi tradition of spying, mind games, and dirty tricks. I also enjoyed Tenten's weapon summoning Jutsu in these episodes, because it was fun to see her work people over with tonfa, a kusarigama, and a quarterstaff.

Joseph: I’m still a big fan of Ino’s Mind Body Switch technique, even though it leaves her vulnerable. The Black Tornado jutsu was just unintentionally hilarious.

Danni: I’m also going to have to go with Tenten’s weapon summoning jutsu as a favorite conceptually because of the cool possibilities that summoning weapons at will creates. As for least favorite, the award easily goes to Sexy Jutsu.

Noelle: Black Tornado Jutsu works in the sense that it’s purely comedic, even if the source material is trying to make it serious. As for favorite jutsu overall, the Raikiri is just so cool to me, even after all this time.

Jared: The worst is easily Sexy Jutsu. Which of course we saw come back up multiple times in this set of episodes. I’d completely forgotten about Tenten’s weapon jutsu and then this set of episodes showed it off again and I saw it in Ultimate Ninja Storm as well this week and it reminded me of how cool it was.

Kara: I’m with everyone else on Sexy Jutsu, but I will give a nod to the Cheesecake Jutsu. As for my favorite, I’m still where I was all the way back in the early episodes with Haku’s ice mirrors.

Carolyn: Black tornado jutsu vaguely reminds me of the really dumb tornado arms in The Flash. That being said, Shikamaru choking somebody out with his creepy awesome shadows is a good one. And still a fan of the bugs.

The first half of this week’s episodes wrapped up the Curry of Life arc. How do you feel about the conclusion to Ranmaru and Raiga’s story, the seemingly miraculous/deadly powers of the Curry of Life, and the arc’s story in general?

Paul: Between the ill-explained properties of the Curry of Life, Rock Lee going full Muppet at one point, and the sheer number of people getting hilarious launched off of cliffs, the conclusion to the Raiga and Ranmaru story arc struck me as total clown shoes. I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't make Ranmaru die tragically, but Karashi's redemption felt far too easy for a guy who is portrayed throughout as a cowardly back-stabber who's also a willing accomplice to a deranged murder-cult.

Joseph: This was hands down one of the worst storylines yet. It was about two or three episodes too long, and the way it used Rock Lee was just annoying. I wouldn’t have minded Raiga as much if he would have stayed down, but by the time round two came around, I was mostly checked out.

Danni: It honestly felt so stupid and nonsensical that it was like I was trying to watch those episodes with a hundred degree fever. Did they just forget that Ranmaru can’t walk there at the end or am I really going crazy???

Noelle: I feel like any sort of philosophy they were trying to impart was lost by the fact that everything ended up being mostly gag. Even the parts that were trying to be firm ended up being gag, and it’s hard to take something seriously when it itself isn’t being serious.

Jared: This really felt like the show is just hammering home the idea of "Here’s the greatest hits from the series thus far." Somebody needs to make a Time Life parody of the filler as “The Greatest Hits of Naruto, But Worse”. I was happy when it was over because this arc just wasn’t good.

Kara: I’m kind of relieved to hear the bizarreness is genuine and not a result of my brain trying to cope with three weeks’ worth of viewing after coming back from vacation. I think the main problem was they tried to double-dip and have the actual Curry of Life be both serious and silly itself. You can’t, buddy. You can’t. The bubbling evil sludge-curry can either be a gag or it can be miraculous. You can’t have it both ways and expect it to work.

Carolyn: I thought the life-saving curry was … kinda dumb. And I had zero emotional investment in Ranmaru and Raiga’s story.

After the Curry of Life, we got a mini-arc and two one-offs that bounced between the extremely serious story of a bounty hunter trying to prove his innocence to the slapstick of some random guys trying to impersonate Guy and Lee. How did you feel about each of these mini-arcs?

Paul: I enjoyed the Wild West-style diversion of the hunt for Gosunkugi, although parts of it felt under-written, such as when they see the giant golden bell and instantly intuit that the bell is Gosunkugi's target. I also liked the practice training mission episode because it showed the Genin passing on their knowledge to the youngest ninja cadets, and I enjoyed the slapstick episode of the Rock Lee / Might Guy impersonators getting hazed by the whole Leaf Village, so overall the filler was more tolerable this week.

Joseph: On the opposite end of the spectrum from the Curry of Life, I actually thought the wild west bounty hunter arc could have used a couple more episodes. It seemed to end kind of abruptly, but overall it was okay. My favorite of the one-offs was the corny Japanese comedy duo stylings of the Rock and Guy impersonators.

Danni: They were all very brief which was very welcome. The longer these filler arcs drag on the more their writing seems to fall apart. It’s hard enough to stay invested in them as is, so their brevity is very welcome. If we really have three more seasons left without any main story, I’m all in on the rest of Naruto just being short, episodic misadventures.

Noelle: Agreeing with everyone else here: short but sweet. Without the manga behind it, it’s hard to come up with lengthy stories, especially lengthy stories on such a last minute basis like most anime end up being. Short but substantial enough episodes really do work in the series’ favor, particularly when they’re trying to pad the runtime.

Jared: The show becoming a western was not something I was at all expecting, but I found it to be alright. Especially since it didn’t overstay its welcome like other parts of the filler have. Imposter Lee and Guy was the right kind of dumb and was good comedy which it feels like we haven’t really had in a while.

Kara: Wild West anything gets a thumbs-up from me, so I was happy. The “Just kidding, I heard everything and actually you’re fine” ending was a bit abrupt but I also don’t know how else they could have tied it up without dragging on. As for the impostor episode? That’s the stuff. It’s actually funny, it’s short and sweet, and it also reminds you just how OP our protagonists are when placed against normies.

Carolyn: The bounty hunter stuff was actually kind of fun for me. I did enjoy that a little and I felt like it was almost a return to the early Naruto episodes in terms of being goofy and comedic in parts. Sorta the same with the Rock and Guy impersonators, I didn’t hate that. But then eventually it became sort of annoying.

The recent filler arcs have all followed the basic formula of “Naruto joins up with another team to go on a mission.” How effective has Naruto interacting with more non-Team 7 characters been as a storytelling tool? Is there anything you want to see happen, while sticking to the same formula?

Paul: Since Sasuke's not around, I think it's good for Naruto to team up with other supporting characters, because it gives the rest of the cast an opportunity to show off their development. The impersonators episode makes me wish I could see Naruto training Taijutsu with Rock Lee and Might Guy for real, because I'm not sure how those three personalities would bounce off one another.

Joseph: I think it opens the opportunity for some interesting team-ups. Plus it’s like… what else are they gonna do? This filler has been somewhat tolerable like Paul said, but it also shows just how mediocre Naruto can be without a strong spine of a narrative behind it.

Danni: I like the idea of sticking him with these other teams because it opens up the possibility of showing some underutilized characters in action, like with Hinata in the bug arc. It hasn’t always worked out that way, but it’s better than the alternative.

Noelle: I think it’s better in theory than execution, but it’s still a fine theory regardless. Due to the large cast, only to get larger, there has to be more to the characters if we’re meant to care about them beyond just a couple of quirks. Even if it’s non-canon, letting Naruto have interactions outside his close circle is needed to make the story more believable.

Jared: It gives all these other characters a good chance to be shown off and see what they’d do with Naruto, but it feels like we’re getting to a point where it’s becoming old. You just expect there to be Naruto and a few others now for every single mission as that’s the only way they can justify doing them. Though they really should just do a "Naruto trains with Guy and Lee" episode for real.

Kara: I really enjoy seeing how the other Hidden Leaf ninja have grown, especially when it comes to their individual skill sets. Plus, let’s be real: Naruto needs to be able to work well with as many different people as possible if he’s sticking with this whole Hokage end goal. So this is good for him in the long run, too.

Carolyn: This is part of why I felt like it was a return to the earlier episodes, as we get to see more of the Hidden Leaf characters. And I am here for it.

By now, I’d hope that we’re all well acquainted with the flow of Naruto’s story, and especially its filler material. Imagine that you were in charge of the show for a few weeks and have been given full creative freedom to take the show in whatever direction you want, except for progressing the story. In a paragraph or two, pitch a Naruto filler arc. Some things to help prompt ideas (you don’t necessarily need to answer all of them):

How long’s the filler (an arc, like the Curry of Life, a short like the bounty hunter story, or a one-off like Naruto leading Team Konohamaru)?

What’s the mission?

What’s the team, and how do you expect them to work off of each other, both in personality and combat?

Is there any connection to the main plot?

Any one-off characters or groups?

Any Mcguffins (weapon, scroll, jutsu, etc. needed to beat the bad guy, but is rendered unusable by the end so that no one ever has a reason to bring it up again)?

Paul: I'd pitch a three episode filler arc where Naruto and company would have to do something non-combat related and outside of their shinobi skill-set. For example, they learn of a legendary oracle whose knowledge of the future would allow them to inquire about Sasuke and Orochimaru. However the only way to get an audience with the oracle is by defeating several other teams in a women's only flower arranging competition, forcing Naruto to disguise his gender and team up with Ino and Sakura. In the end, the oracle would be revealed to be a fraud created as a publicity stunt by a small town trying to revitalize their local economy.

Joseph: My arc would be a three to five-episode story about how Kiba and Akamaru get wind of a small clan of ninja who are attempting to summon creatures like dogs, frogs, and other animals as familiars but are doing so in abusive ways. They’re essentially raising them through Pokémon style battles, so Kiba recruits Naruto, Choji, Ino, Rock Lee, and Sakura to help put an end to it. This gives them an opportunity to split into two teams of three for recon and side battles against rival ninja. When Kiba ends up using Akamaru to win a fight of his own, he learns he might not be so different from the ninja here. Rather than pummelling them all, perhaps he just needs to show them the right way to train their would-be sidekicks.

Danni: One thing I’d really like to know more about is what it was like when Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru were a team, so I think my filler would be a single episode arc of Tsunade recounting a mission they went on together back in the day. It would showcase their teamwork as jonin before they were legendary ninja and the friendship they shared despite the cracks that were starting to show. Their mission would be to investigate a series of gruesome murders in a small village. Their search would lead them to a powerful ninja who has been conducting experiments to reanimate the dead with failed results. What he has managed to create are mindless, malformed husks that the three ninja have to fend off before taking down their master. In the end, of course, Orochimaru ends up stealing the killer’s notes and later refining them.

Noelle: Hm, this is tough! I think what I’d like most is maybe a two-parter or three-parter just focusing on the girls on a mission. They’re around and the fillers seem to be trying to flesh them out more, but I’d like a segment where they’re all working together, and they can all show their strengths. Also, girl bonding besides the usual shonen stuff! I’m not too sure about the details, but something that requires either espionage or brainpower (for Sakura and Ino) with a good mix of combat (for Hinata and Tenten).

Jared: Let’s go with a two episode story since you don’t want it to be too long or too short. Naruto, Sakura, Rock Lee, and Tenten go to a pro wrestling show in the village. Shenanigans happen to where a prominent team gets hurt so Naruto and the gang have to fill in. They face off against a masked champion who’s been running roughshod over everyone. Naruto’s group fights valiantly, while not using their various jutsu, but are ultimately defeated. They go backstage and find the champion unmasked and it turns out it’s Kakashi. It turns out he was on a mission to infiltrate a travelling pro wrestling promotion because there were rumors they had ties to Orochimaru, but then Kakashi was too good and became champion.

Kara: I’m thinking a single episode for mine. Sakura is on the verge of a breakthrough for her latest medical jutsu but can’t seem to crack it. Tsunade assigns her a mission to clear her head, and sends her off with Naruto and Rock Lee to clear a nearby village of an infestation of venomous rodents (the rare something-or-other rat, purple with red glowy eyes, you know). The mission turns into a bout of oneupmanship as Naruto and Lee attempt to outdo each other to impress Sakura, going into more and more dangerous situations at the request of the locals. Once the infestation is cleared, the two are basically worthless between venom and self-inflicted injuries, requiring Sakura to focus up and step up her healing—finally managing to make the jutsu from before work.

Carolyn: FILLER ARCS ARE 3 EPISODES MAXIMUM. Mine would be 1-3 episodes for sure. I think at this point, given how very little the ladies have to do, I’d do something dumb and fun where all the guys get kidnapped or stuck up a tree (dumber is OK for filler) and then the girls all save them through friendship and fierce ninjutsu. Is it forced feminism? Sure. But also kind of earned at this point. Also, there’s no doubt Rock Lee would just be there cheering them all on the whole time because he is the best good boy.

As usual: highs, lows and any honorable/dishonorable mentions.

Paul: My high point was when Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon totally narc on Naruto for ruining the training mission. I was expecting them to do the typical thing where they lie to Tsunade for his sake and grow closer, but the speed and efficiency with which they (rightfully) throw Naruto under the bus for being a crappy instructor was exquisite. My low point was the conclusion of the Raiga and Ranmaru story-line, where even though there was some nice animation with Rock Lee's drunken boxing, it felt like the writers had completely lost the thread of the narrative. Honorable mention: Sazanami’s katana having a rifle stock instead of a hilt. That was a cute detail.

Joseph: My low point was definitely the Raiga story. They did Rock Lee wrong in the climax, and the whole thing was just not interesting to me at all. High point goes to very fake Rock and Guy.

Danni: My high point was when the Hokage Mt. Rushmore faces all held their noses when the imposters got covered in poop. It got a legitimate laugh out of me. My low point was the entirety of the Raiga/Ranmaru arc. Literally the entire thing.

Noelle: High point I have to say would be the unintentional comedy. It’s not good (at all) but I am the type that laughs at bad movies. This was a gold mine for me. Low point would be whenever they try to play the gag, especially in the curry arc, way too seriously.

Jared: High points would be the ridiculousness of the Lee and Guy imposters, going full western for a few episodes, and also them parodying the OK Corral as an episode title. Low would probably be the end of the Raiga story as it just fell completely flat.

Kara: High point was getting Wild West action in my ninja show. That was a thing of beauty. Honorable mention goes to Sakura’s “encouragement” of the Guy and Lee imposters. 160-odd episodes down the road, I love any reminder that Inner Sakura is just Sakura now. The low point was watching the Curry of Life arc waste a perfectly good Zabuza/Haku parallel on some super-confused gags.

Carolyn: I think my high and low point are both the same. That “hit me with your best snot” pun. I mean ...

COUNTERS: Bowls of Ramen: 1 bowl, 3 cups “I'm Gonna be Hokage!”: 3 Shadow Clones Created: 87 Total so far: Bowls of Ramen: 50 bowls, 9 cups “I'm Gonna be Hokage!”: 55 Shadow Clones Created: 635

And that’s it for this week! Remember that you’re always welcome to watch along with the Rewatch, especially if you’ve never seen the original Naruto! Watch Naruto today!

Here’s our upcoming schedule: - Next week, JOSEPH LUSTER brings us to the Land of Birds! - July 5th, DANNI WILMOTH gets nautical in the Land of the Seas! - July 12th, JARED CLEMONS leads us to the Hidden Village of Star!

  CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH!

Epsiodes 148 - 154: The Forest is Abuzz With Ninjas

Episodes 141-147: Mizuki Strikes Back!

Episodes 134-140: The Climactic Clash

Episodes 127-133: Naruto vs Sasuke

Episodes 120-126: The Sand Siblings Return

Episodes 113-119: Operation Rescue Sasuke

Episodes 106-112: Sasuke Goes Rogue

Episodes 99-105: Trouble in the Land of Tea

Episodes 92-98: Clash of the Sannin

Episodes 85-91: A Life-Changing Decision

Episodes 78-84: The Fall of a Legend

Episodes 71-77: Sands of Sorrow

Episodes 64-70: Crashing the Chunin Exam

Episodes 57-63: Family Feud

Episodes 50-56: Rock Lee Rally

Episodes 43-49: The Gate

Episodes 36-42: Through the Woods

Episodes 29-35: Sakura Unleashed

Episodes 22-28: Chunin Exams Kickoff

Episodes 15-21: Leaving the Land of Waves

Episodes 8-14: Beginners' Battle

Episodes 1-7: I'm Gonna Be the Hokage!

  Thank you for joining us for the Great Crunchyroll Naruto Rewatch! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time!

  Have anything to say about our thoughts on Episodes 155-161? Let us know in the comments! Don't forget, we're also accepting questions and comments for next week, so don't be shy and feel free to ask away!

    ---- 

Kevin Matyi is a freelance features writer for Crunchyroll. He's been watching anime for as long as he can remember, and his favorite shows tend to be shonen and other action series.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

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