#also got to smoke a joint with the bride at the end of the night and she was a delightful lady and seems perfect for my friend

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

What Humboldt hospitality looks like at a wedding 😍🤩💨

[sl-ut]

always

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader (also kina platonic!joel x ellie)

description: things didn’t exactly end up the way ellie wanted them today, but she wouldn’t give it up for anything.

warnings: UNEDITED, swearing, slight nsfw implications (i literally just mention that r and ellie have had sex), alcohol and marijuana consumption, slight angst

words: 1.1K (super short but i like it)

date posted: 10/01/24

For the first time in her life, Ellie longed for it to be wintertime. She wished for cold air to cut through the bitter warmth, allowing her a breath of relief for even a moment, having stepped out onto the front porch of the Tipsy Bison to take a moment for herself. To be fair, it had been partially her own fault, winter had ended only a few months prior, why hadn’t she asked sooner? It had been under a gentle descent of snowflakes that she had fallen in love with Y/n, after all, but she also hadn’t expected there to be anything official beyond the trading of a few vows, the sharing of a joint, and completed with the rest of the night rolling in the sheets together. Though, it would seem that that was far too much to ask for. 

She really should have known better than to expect that Jesse would keep his big mouth shut, though she really did try to keep it a secret until the ring fell out of her pocket and onto the cold floor of their outpost. Jesse had teased her relentlessly, but seemed genuinely happy for his friends, promising to keep the secret until he knew that Jesse asked. However, as soon as she had, Dina was pounding on their door, demanding to see the ring and to know exactly when the wedding would be. 

She was not overly thrilled for the wedding to have become such a large spectacle, but Maria had been just as enthused as Dina had been, stating that there was a desperate need for something like this to boost town morale. Ellie had immediately declined their offers of throwing a party for them, she was suddenly aware of the twinkle in her fiancée’s eyes at the idea of wearing a pretty white dress and dancing the night away at the Bison, leaving her little choice but to agree.

She had to admit, her heart had never felt quite as content as it had when she first spotted Y/n striding towards her, dressed in a horribly ugly wedding dress that was probably found in the attic of one of the houses, her smile radiating nothing but happiness as she met Ellie underneath the large willow tree. 

Even now, watching her get passed around on the dancefloor, now wearing a simple white blouse and a pair of jeans that she had cut into shorts, but still as beautiful as ever. Ellie shook her head, letting out a large puff of smoke as a smile broke through her normally monotone expression.

A figure sidled up next to her, letting out a low whistle as they both stared through the large glass windows, eyes following the bride’s joyful movement closely, “I never got to say congratulations.”

She huffed a laugh, not taking her eyes away from her wife, “Thanks, I think I got pretty lucky.”

“You sure did. So did she,” Joel quipped, “You’re a real catch there, kid.”

“Please,” Ellie shook her head, “I’d be dead if it weren’t for her,” She was quiet for a beat before she continued, “And you.” 

“Now I don’t know about that…”

“Shut up,” She chuckled, “What you did…I was–am angry with you. You took my choice away from me.”

“I know,” He nodded, “And you’ll never know how sorry I am for making you feel that way, but I’ll never feel sorry for keeping you alive.”

She nodded, “I know. I both hate you and–”

He sighed when she paused, “I know kid, me too.”

Ellie turned her emerald gaze to the man, her vision growing fuzzy as tears gathered along her waterline, “I wish you could have been here.”

His figure seemed to begin to fade into the darkness, but his voice was clear and true, “Me too, baby girl.”

“Ellie?” Y/n’s voice drew her attention to the front door, where her bride was standing with curiosity on her face, “Everything okay, babe?”

When Ellie glanced back at the spot next to her, “Yeah, everything’s good.”

The girl came closer, a smile growing on her face. She wrapped her arms around her wife’s neck, playing with the wispy ends of her short auburn hair. Ellie had also dressed up for the occasion, wearing a youth sized button up top and a poorly-tied tie hanging around her neck, which had been loosened throughout the night, even more so as Y/n pressed her body against hers. Ellie’s long fingers dug into her fabric-covered hips, leaning her head forward to accept the kiss that was being offered to her forehead.

“What are you doing out here on your own?”

The redhead shrugged, “Just needed to get away for a second. It’s hot in there.”

Y/n nodded, plucking the joint up from where she had set in on the railing next to her and taking a long drag, “I know this isn’t really what you wanted, but it really does mean a lot that you put in some effort to enjoy it.”

“I did enjoy it,” Ellie responded, “Maybe not all of it, but I wouldn’t trade today for anything.”

She leaned forward, capturing her wife’s lips with her own in a long and slow kiss, a small moan vibrating through her throat at the taste of cheaply made whiskey and cake from her lips. 

“How much longer do I have to wait to get you in bed?” Ellie whined as they parted, earning a loud laugh from her wife’s lips. 

“A little longer,” She shrugged, “Maybe after you come in and dance with me.”

Y/n made a break for it, only glancing back at Ellie once before disappearing behind the doors of the bar, leaving Ellie alone on the front step. The auburn haired girl chuckled at her, mentally trying to figure out a way to get her out of the bar sooner rather than later. As she stalked towards the door, her ears perked up at the sound of the voice once more.

“I’m happy for you, kid.”

The figure did not appear when she turned to look over her shoulder, but she knew he was there, watching over her. He always would be. A small smile graced her lips, uttering one last sentence before pushing through the doors and allowing her wife to drag her onto the dancefloor.

“Thank you, Joel.”

[ruinedbylanadelrey]

King of Your Heart

Chapter 14 "You can't do this to me again"

summary: All that Frankie has ever wanted to be was your everything. After years of being best friends one phone call changes everything between the two of you.

inspired by The King by Sarah Kinsley

warnings: 18+, MINORS DNI, age gap (reader is 28-29, Frankie 38-39), friends with benefits -> situationship, Frankie isn't a dad, jealously, best friends with benefits, reader is toxic, reader wears makeup, reader has long hair, smoking weed, OC bestie, wedding day antics, brief smut, drinking, frankie being a dick again, ladies, gents, and they/thems please welcome back to the stage vanessa (me annoucing with a fake ass smile and making sure frankie is hiding behind me), princess turns into mean girl, angst, no y/n, pet names, possessiveness, triple frontier boys, Tom is dead, reader is a flirt

an: i am debating about how i'm going to end this series. but let's enjoy will's wedding<3

inside the world of king of your heart

playlist

series mainlist | main masterlist

taglist: @hiroikegawa

Will's wedding day was final here. That meant having to be at the rehearsal dinner and watching Frankie walk the aisle with Vanessa clinging to his arm but you get to sit next to him at the wedding party table. 

You were with Mari helping set up the venue for the next day, the ceremony and the reception. A screeching laugh echoes through the ballroom, you sigh before turning around to see Vanessa laughing a little too hard at Frankie's dry humor that never made you laugh that way. The bride also laughed with her, clearly they opened up the bar's champagne a day early. "I'm so glad we aren't like that together," you say to Mari who is seated at the finished table, "I think with enough vodka and weed we could be, which you and I need a smoke break," Mari winks and fishes a joint from her bra. You chuckle and look at her, it was just so childish but perfect. 

You lead her past Frankie whom you haven't spoken to since you arrived at the hotel on the wedding venue property and doesn't seem that upset about talking to you in about 8 hours. Frankie grabs your arm as you walk by and gives you a questionable look when you roll your eyes and rip yourself away from his grasp. You walk out to the French doors to the patio decorated in white chiffon and baby blue lace. Mari holds the joint between her lips while lighting it, taking in the first hit and deep into her lungs. Quickly passing it over to you, bringing the paper to your lips, taking in the warm and potent smoke into your lungs. Squeezing trying to take in the vapor. You take in another without breathing out the first one. 

"She has no decency," you breathe out the smoke from your lungs, "She knows that Frankie and I are a couple, we made it pretty clear at Halloween," you started to laugh at the memory, Mari remembers because she was trying to get Vanessa to lay down and then she opens the door to her and Ben's room to find you and Frankie in the full mating press, your fake blood all over Frankie's bare skin while you were still in your dress and thigh highs, you looked directly at Vanessa and smirked and told Frankie to cum inside of you, "Frankie, baby be a good boy and cum inside of your princesa," Mari quickly slams the door shut, and she really tried not to laugh at the circumstances but you said you wanted to debut as a couple that night and you certainly did. Vanessa was too drunk and crying in the guest bedroom and Mari was making herself scarce from you just for an hour and pretending she didn't see anything happening in her and Benny's bed. 

"We know, everyone knows," Mari rolls her eyes, and finishes the joint. You stare at Frankie through the windows, the clear Florida night sky shines and the warm white light from inside gives you a glow. You made sure to look your best this wedding, you did go against the dress with the full black look. Charlotte let you get away with it because she was just so happy to hear you and him got back together. 

"Well since the rehearsal dinner is over I'm going back to my room and wait for Frankie, night Mari," You hugged her before walking outside to the hotel. You hugged yourself to warm yourself in the cool night air. You wonder if Frankie was with you he would give you his blazer for the walk back. You swipe the key card and step into the French decorum room, white and gold, chiffon, silk sheets, and lace-trimmed pillows. You felt like a French princess returning to her quarters to wait for her prince to come in and ravage her after a night touches but no talking involved, and your heart was shattered when you saw the mistress draped over him. He still tried to reach for your hand. 

You unzip your black satin minidress, pooling at your pedicured feet, and you dress in the lingerie set you bought for the weekend, hoping to make love with Frankie and feel like a girlfriend for once. That was Frankie's problem these days he kept treating you like a best friend and not wanting to be romantic, you would come from work and get ready to seduce Frankie when he stepped through the front door. He wouldn't even touch you when you walked up to him in a cami nightie, baby peachy pink with black trim. You were glowing from a light sweat from changing and putting yourself while you got started on dinner. But he would step you aside and just eat dinner without you. 

It's wonderful that you have a strong friendship with Frankie, and you want to be desired, You want your boyfriend to lose his mind with you. 

You pull up the plush chair to the window and opened to look out the beautiful wedding property. Frankie stumbles through the door, you quickly get up from your seat to help him to not fall over. "How drunk are you?" You strain to ask when Frankie puts all his body weight on you, he lets out a breathy laugh and you help him fall onto the bed, shoving his legs on top of the duvet while Frankie tries to kick the dress shoes off his feet. "I'm not even drunk," Frankie grumbles, his eyes closing and one hand over his chest the other one thrown over his face. 

You start to unbutton his button-up, and Frankie goes limp and lets you undress. You sit him up to slip off the dress shirt, a waft of an unknown perfume fills the air. You stopped taking off his shirt and got up to hide away in the bathroom. You want to think you were just being insane and trying to find a reason to fight with him just to have an ounce of attention from Frankie. You want your boyfriend to want you all the time and not be seduced by another woman. Your eyes stung from the mascara clouding up your vision, hot black tears smearing down your burning cheeks. 

You turn on the water, pumping out your face wash, vigorously rubbing your eyes until you see stars. The warm water washing away the soap from your eyes and face. You gasp for air when your lungs burn for air. Your hands shake turning the water to cold, plugging the sink to fill, then putting your face in the sink, the cool water chills your warmed face. You come up for air, breathing in and out slowly. Your face is cleaned from the eyeliner, mascara, and full face of makeup. Your baby hairs are drenched, patting your face and hair dry. 

You have to wait until the wedding is over to talk to Frankie about this weekend. Maybe just ignore it forever and you'll forget about it. 

-

No one ever talks about the feud between you and Vanessa. No one bats an eye when you are very blunt with your words to her. "No, Vanessa wouldn't look as good with her hair down she already has a short neck, and an updo to elongate it," you gave input with everyone's hair because you were getting yours done to like the bridesmaids. Your words weren't that harsh because you genuinely thought it looked better and did. You had your hair down because you had extensions done to add length and volume to your wavy curls you had done. Everyone else in updo's, you weren't in the wedding party but Charlotte still wanted to include you in everything. Her kindness was always there, it warmed your heart that your friend was marrying someone so lovely. 

You excuse yourself from the bride's suite and head down to the groom's side of the hotel. Your hand knocks on the white door, voice's going quiet and the door reveals Pope with a beer in his hand. "Little early to be drinking, Pope" You eye the beer and step inside the room, Will is still in bed on his phone. Benny and Frankie snoozing away on the couch. "Frankie, can I talk to you?" You walk up to him and nudge him awake. He takes a deep breath in, his eyes adjusting to the sunlight coming through the windows. 

Frankie sits up, he is still in his clothes from yesterday. You both let out a sigh walking into the hallway. You shut the door closed and look up at Frankie who averting your gaze. "You can't do this to me again," you whispered, hugging yourself in the abnormally cold hotel hallway trying to cool the Floridian heat. Frankie snaps his gaze to yours, the dread in your eyes had Frankie's stomach churn. "Frankie, why can't you see that I love you? I'm ready for a relationship, for marriage, I want a family, Catfish! If you can't give me that then...we need to stop ourselves from a lot of heartbreak," you cried, your chest tightening from holding back the sob that keeps crawling up your throat. 

Frankies admires how your tears look like crystals decorating your eyes and cheeks. His stomach churns again because you know exactly what he did last night. The silence from Frankie just made you weak. You could faint any second. "Why can't you let me love you?" you beg wrapping your arms around his neck, laying light kisses along his stubbled jaw. 

"I-I don't know," Frankie bows his head, resting on top of your head. 

"Once this wedding is done then so are we." You pulled yourself away from Frankie. You comb through his hair, waiting for a protest. Nothing comes from Frankie. You nod then turn on your heels to walk back to your room to finish getting in peace. 

Hours later, flinging open the closet door, took the black satin halter floor-length dress out of the plastic wrapping from the dry cleaners. Laying it out on the bed, pairing it with just a black thong and black heels. You look at the dress and remember Frankie picking it out for you. He was over the moon when you walked out of the dressing room to show off the gown. The clock was reading 4 pm, one hour to get ready and be sat in the audience. You clip your hair back before starting the makeup process. 

Spraying the last layer of setting spray for the day, you struggled to zip up the back on the small of your back. You pop off the cap of your perfume and stare at the bottle. Perfume was always your power play, that's how you always left your mark on any man. Fumbling through the makeup bag for another to change it for the night. Maybe that will snap Frankie out of this relationship hangover. 

The scent was different, more floral than sweet. You look in the mirror, taking how your hair looked nicely done, your makeup wasn't anything new just the simple routine you always do. You swear that makeup couldn't cover your puffy eyes from crying but oh well it's not like it's your wedding day. A day that won't be coming any time soon as of 1 hour ago. 

This is why you hated relationships. You both enter on the same page but one person is at the end and the other one still hasn't moved from the first page. 

You toss your hair behind your shoulders while you make your way to the venue. Walking with the guests who were arriving, you walk to your seat which is front row on the groom's side. You say 'hi' to Will and Ben's parents and make small talk with them. The guys show up, Pope and Benny making sure Will is looking his best while Frankie is with Vanessa talking at the entrance. You roll your eyes and walk up to Will. "Who did your hair?" You smile at Will, combing back his hair with your nails. "Pope did everyone," Will sighs. 

"Well, you look handsome, and congratulations for the millionth time. I'm very happy for you and Charlotte. You better treat her right," You could hear yourself choke up on your words while you straightened his tie. Frankie walks up and coughs, you step back and avert your eyes. "It's time, Ironhead," Frankie clears his throat, Will takes a deep breath while you take your seat. You watch Frankie link arms with Vanessa who had a grin on her face when her eyes targeted yours, your blood runs hot through your veins. Pulling yourself back from slapping the look off her face. 

Frankie was keeping a smile on his face, the way he shaved and kept his mustache for the wedding. You admire how the jacket of his tux was about to rip at the seams around his arms, and the way it's pulled taut around his broad shoulders. Taking in how beautiful Frankie looks your heart stops when you think how this is how he would look if you were to be married. If only. His eyes meet yours when he stands beside Will at the altar. You were the only person not looking at the bride start her walk. You stand up keeping your eyes on his. 

Frankie had teary eyes, and his chest rose up and down slowly as he drew in a deep breath. You looked breathtaking, the black dress imagining how it would look if it was a mother of pearl white, the way your makeup gave you a glow in the evening light, and the glow of the professional lighting. so elegant, just princess like with your hair framing your face just perfectly. Can he have you as his wife? Not as a best friend. 

The ceremony was romantic and made you forget about everything with Frankie for a second. You looked at Frankie with stars in your eyes. He is perfection. You think about the first time you had Frankie in your bed, your apartment downtown near the dive bar where you met him, and how the town is home for the two of you. Will kisses Charolette with such pride in front of everyone they know.

Would Frankie be that proud if he married you? 

Everyone files out in with their partners, you walk behind Will's parents and reach out for Frankie's arm but he was holding it out for Vanessa. You froze then pulled onto Benny's other arm with Mari on his right. You kept your eyes on the ground and watched your step as you followed behind Frankie, wanting to step on the train of Vanessa's bridesmaid dress. When your feet meet the asphalt and already being posed with the bridal party. You lift your head with tears lining your eyes with a mocking smile on your lips. Frankie is taking a puff of the cigar Will had lit and he looks at you seeing you ready to start a fight if someone breathes wrong. 

He swallows hard and starts to feel shakes vibrate through his hands, it was like when he was using again. The fear. Fear of not knowing what's going to happen next. The photographer is already barking out orders for everyone to get in the group photo, Frankie walks up and grabs you by the waist and slides himself behind, you were like a doll in his hands just so easy to maneuver. You stand up straighter, resting your hands on his arms wrapped around tightly, Frankie pressing his body into yours.

You hold the fake smile and hold your breath. Vanessa is squeezing herself beside you and taking a step back to be next to Frankie. The first picture clicks and everyone takes a minute before the next one. You turn around and look up at Vanessa "You're taller than Frankie in those heels." You laughed out, looking at her up and down. You covered your mouth and walked off. Frankie calls out your name when Vanessa gasps and looks like she's about to cry.

This is what he was trying to avoid from happening. You becoming an absolute mean girl. You're better than this but you are fighting for Frankie, putting in the effort to be in the relationship. You remembered why you hated weddings, it was the photos after the ceremony. You are all tired from getting up and just wanting a fucking cocktail and sitting down. You finally sat next to Frankie and took a moment to hold his hand on the table. Just wanted to feel his touch for what would be the last time. You want him to promise to always be there for each other, but if he were to marry one day and have kids, he would talk of you so fondly of your friendship and forget about anything intimate and romantic. 

You turned to lean over, whispering in his ear "I hope you will be happy one day. I want the best for you, Catfish. I'll remember you forever." you choked back a sob before you kissed his cheek. Smelling him, you always loved how he smelled so good, his own scent with a mixture of a YSL cologne. You stand up and smooth out your dress, pick your drink, and walk from the table.

Frankie sits there with his eyes fixed on the white lace tablecloth. The white satin glistens like the way your dress shined in the candlelight. The mocking sound of The Temptations 'My Girl' makes him sick to his stomach, when he looks up at you walking out of the reception, everyone is dancing and celebrating love. Frankie stands up and has tunnel vision for you standing outside smoking a blunt. Frankie passes through the guest and stumbles out the door. It slams shut, making you jump and turn to see Frankie breathing heavily. 

"You are not ending this. We are not done. Princess, you are who I want as my bride, not as a fuck buddy, but I want you as my wife, my beautiful, seducing, intoxicating wife who will give me beautiful babies. You will have me as your husband who will kill for you, who would do anything you asked with no questions." Frankie's voice strains as he was holding his tears. He cages you between him and the stone railing. You could feel your heart beating, it was loud like it was singing for Frankie. This is what you needed. This dominating side of Frankie, seeing him fight for you. His princess. His girl. 

[birdhaslostit]

🦇💀🕷🕸 What the Lupin Gang would do/wear for Halloween! 🕸🕷🍬🍭

This may be OOC, but it’s Halloween, and nobody is themselves on Halloween. That’s the whole point. It’s time to let loose babey

🎃 Lupin: 

Lupin would wear something suave yet spooky. (A vampire is a tried-and-true option.) Whatever it is, it has to leave some of his face showing- how else is he supposed to woo the ladies at the party? Other costume choices include a pirate captain, Jack Skellington, and a joint costume with Fujiko as Victor and Emily from Corpse Bride.

Lupin has ABSOLUTELY dressed up as Dr. Frank N Furter from Rocky Horror Picture show. Definitely more than once.

Lupin would definitely get WAAAAAAY into Halloween. Like, the first of October, BAM. Orange jacket with a black shirt and an orange tie. He makes all of his October heists Halloween-themed, but he doesn’t steal on Halloween because that’s when he goes ALL. OUT. 

Each year he picks a different city to celebrate in. He spaces out wherever he goes so he doesn’t get caught, but rumors about Lupin spread, so each year people make a guessing game of where he’s gonna go for Halloween. Each year, he picks a hideout in the most popular trick-or-treating area of that city and decks it OUT with Halloween decorations. A large chunk of the decor expenses was probably taken from the Halloween Jacket heists from that year.

Lupin never sends invitations for it though- this is the one time he won’t do it. He insists that it adds to the “illusion of mystique.” He leaves it up to the trick-or-treaters to spread the word. News quickly gets around that the cool house down the street might be Lupin, and without fail, it turns into a block party within the first 2 hours or less.

On Halloween, he gives out candy to literally everyone. He spoils the little kids with king-size candy bars. He encourages the teens to go egg/TP houses of rude people in the area (he staked them out in advance specifically to do this.) He hypes up the costumed adults and hands out Halloween-themed drinks. 

The day after Halloween, the hideout looks deserted, like nobody was ever there. Nobody can ever figure out how he packs it all up so quickly, without anyone noticing. The only thing he leaves, every single time, is a jack-o-lantern with his face on it. 

🎃 Jigen: 

Something classic and/or low-effort. First thing that comes to mind is a werewolf. 

Lupin might bug him about stealing his trademark, but Jigen fits the image better. He’s gruff and hairy and may perhaps shoot you if you make fun of his costume. 

Jigen might also go for a classic Dracula if Lupin isn’t a vampire that year. He’s also been a cowboy several times.

He doesn’t really interact with the crowd unless they come up to him first (which is rare because he doesn’t exactly exude “friendly,” and it’s usually a little kid, because they don’t really notice.) 

If it’s a little kid though, Jigen’s always nice to them. Especially little boys who like his cowboy costume. (He wears that one the most as an excuse to carry his magnum around without people getting suspicious.) He’ll put on the southern drawl and everything. He doesn’t want to break the illusion for a kid, especially not on Halloween.

One time a little boy called him Woody, Lupin overheard, and teased him about it the whole night because he thought it would bug Jigen. Jigen secretly thought it was the funniest/sweetest thing ever, and snuck the kid extra candy in his bucket before he left with his mom. 

Jigen won’t take any crap from teenage trick-or-treaters who are rude. You know, the ones who take too much from the bucket so there’s none left for the little kids. He’ll turn them away at the door. It’s never come down to him having to pull out the Magnum, because his glare alone is enough to scare the crap out of them so they’ll leave. Same goes for tipsy adults who’ve had one too many Halloween-themed drinks and get too rowdy. 

One year Lupin made a joke about how Jigen should give some candy cigarettes out to kids for Halloween, and Jigen shut it down FAST. He doesn’t want to encourage kids to start his bad habit, so he doesn’t smoke around other people at the party, and makes extra sure that kids aren’t around when he does.

One year, Jigen gave out out tiny water pistols with the candy. Lupin got some for him to hand out because they reminded him of Jigen at the store, and even though Jigen brushed it off at the time, he appreciated it.

🎃 Goemon: 

Goemon secretly loves Halloween, but will literally die before admitting it to anyone. It took him a while to warm up to it, though.

He still sticks to tradition- his costumes all have something to do with Japan. Kabuki Ishikawa Goemon is a classic that he returns to often. He’s dressed up as various oni/yōkai/yūrei before, and several figures from Japanese folklore.

Goemon has also been a samurai for Halloween, even though it’s just his regular clothes. It’s for the kids, really- he secretly enjoys the attention.

He will make jack-o-lanterns with Zantetsuken, but only for little kids that he thinks are especially polite. Lupin whines every time because Goemon won’t make him one too.

He always insists on getting Japanese candies for the candy bowl, like Pocky and the various flavored Kit Kats they have in Japan. At first he insisted on more traditional treats, then he realized they might not keep well and opted for these. Plus, it’s for the kids.

He does keep things like konpeitō and wagashi for himself to snack on throughout the night. He’ll share, but the same rule applies as the jack-o-lanterns- only for the super polite kids.

One time Lupin made a bet with Goemon, and if he lost, he had to be a geisha for Halloween.

He lost.

He doesn’t like to talk about it.

Everyone else does, every single year, without fail. 

Goemon has also become the de facto Guardian of the Punch Bowls. Lupin keeps them out for both the trick-or-treaters and the partygoers. One bowl for the kids, and an alcoholic one for the adults. The adult punch is clearly labeled. Now, you should never drink the punch at a party because you don’t know what’s in it, but Lupin is the exception in this regard. No funny business is happening with that punch bowl. And Goemon will make damn sure of that. 

Nobody ever assigned him the position of Punch Bowl Guardian, he just picked it up himself. Before Halloween one year, Lupin was (rightfully) worried at first that someone would try to put something dangerous in it, and was about to opt out of having a communal punch bowl. Then, Goemon spoke up that he had it covered, and thus, he was made the Punch Bowl Guardian.

Nobody has ever tried to spike it with anything, and nobody ever will. Lupin gets to mingle instead of guarding the bowl, and Goemon gets to relax away from the crowd. Everybody wins.

🎃 Fujiko:

If you don’t think Fujiko hasn’t been a Playboy bunny at least once, you’re lying to yourself. She has also been a mouse, à la Mean Girls, and basically a sexy version of anything you can think of. Except for a cop. She wouldn’t stoop that low.

Occasionally, it wasn’t originally supposed to be a sexy version of the outfit/character. Lupin sometimes replaces the original with a raunchier outfit the night before, and waits to see if she notices. 

She always does. 

Sometimes she likes that version better and sticks with it, and if Lupin ever asks about it on Halloween, she denies it all. If she doesn’t like it, she knows that Lupin kept the original and will put it back before she wakes up on Halloween. They’ve been playing this game for years, and there’s never any malice behind it. It’s just their customary brand of Halloween trickery.

One time she planned to dress up as Lupin, purely to see if he’d replace his outfit with a risqué version the night before. 

Of course he did, why would you expect anything less???

She laughed so hard at it that she tripped and fell, and he rushed in to see if she was okay and also to see if she was wearing it because he wanted a peek 

She then made HIM wear it on Halloween, while she wore his regular clothes. He was cool with it, had a blast, got blasted on too many cups of adult punch, and then got a little too into the outfit, so Jigen had to bribe him to take it off at the end of night. 

Her favorite costume that wasn’t ‘edited’ by Lupin is from the year she dressed up as Pops. She swiped it from his disguise collection, and hid it where he wouldn’t find it before he could notice it was gone. Her decoy costume was a bumblebee. She’s just as good at disguises as Lupin is, so when she showed up as Zenigata, Lupin nearly shit a brick. 

Goemon will never let him forget it.

🎃 Zenigata: 

Zenigata probably dresses up as an old-school detective or Sherlock Holmes, which isn’t really too different from his normal attire, but it makes him happy regardless. 

He will not arrest Lupin on Halloween. 

Zenigata knows about the parties, but turns a blind eye to them at this point, because it’s a fruitless endeavor trying to catch a master of disguise on Halloween. He has tried in the past, but only once. When Zenigata first discovered that Lupin threw these parties, he found out where Lupin was on Halloween and came to arrest him. 

He walked up to the hideout and saw Lupin handing out candy to a pair of kids. He couldn’t go through with it, because wouldn’t you know it, their costumes were tiny versions of him and Lupin. 

He immediately did a 180 and started to leave, since Lupin wasn’t technically breaking the law at the time, and he’s a sucker for kids. (He got a little misty-eyed at the sight of a tiny little girl drowning in a trenchcoat that looked just like his, with a pair of cheap plastic handcuffs in the pocket. He’d hate to show it in front of Lupin though.)

Lupin, of course, knew Zenigata was coming before he even arrived, grabbed his shoulder, and stopped him from walking away. The girls were too young to see past Lupin’s costume and had no idea that it was him, and they had assumed that Zenigata was also in costume. Zenigata told them it was really him, and, of course, they are THRILLED.

They ask him about his adventures with Lupin, and he tells them the G-rated versions of the stories. Lupin joins in, after leaving for a ‘bathroom break’ and coming back as himself. The two spend the night answering their questions, telling stories, and doing party tricks. Zenigata shows how quickly he can handcuff Lupin while blindfolded, and Lupin shows how he can dislocate his joints to get out/pick the lock. 

When the girls’ parents show up, they see their kids sitting next to these two adults in the same ‘costumes.’ They seem to be good people, so the parents compliment their costumes and go home with their kids. The girls insist that the two men were the real Lupin and Pops, but the parents brush it off. 

Every year since, Lupin leaves another jack-o-lantern with his face on it besides the one he leaves at the hideout once he’s gone. No matter where the party is, or how far it is from where Zenigata is staying, Pops always gets one too. Usually with a piece of candy next to it, and a calling card for his next, non-Halloween-themed heist.

[bbrandy2002]

Fools Rush In

Part Seven

I’m participating in Wacky Drabbles prompt #57: There is no happy ending to this.

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Series Premise: With two weeks until Liam is to marry Madeleine, the guys throw him a bachelor party in Vegas. After a drunk night, he finds himself with way more than he bargained.

**MC did not exist in Liam’s social season. OC lives in Las Vegas.

Word Count: 1926

TW: Drug usage, std mention, who’s the daddy, and I think thats it.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely prereaders for calming my fears and assuring me this wasn’t terrible. Also, thanks to @dcbbw for an idea she had that I was finally able to put in this.

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Their lips locked together with a pang of intense hunger and passion on a level neither had experienced before.

Liam's fingers tangled through her long dark hair that felt like ribbons of silk twisted around each one while his other palm caressed her sleek jawline.

It wasn't their first kiss or the first taste of the other. Nor was it their first touch or fiery embrace.

But it was the first one they remembered.

And every second her sweet, succulent lips were on his was like a spark igniting over and over again, shooting tingles of heat that rippled from his blazing tongue, down the ridges of his spine, and into the furthest reaches of his curled toes. 

It didn't make sense to Liam—that feeling. That craving. That overwhelming desire to please and shower her with a tenderness that would clear away all the hurts and heartache. To erase that sadness he had just witnessed in her eyes. 

He didn't know her, but he didn't have to. It just felt right.

Something about this woman pressing her slender body against his, melting into Liam's every hold on her while the essence of her freshly washed hair lingered in the air like a crisp spring rain, made him want to protect and care for her. 

The moment she uttered her first words to him the previous day in a crowded nightclub, he sensed it. A connection that had since grown stronger. He tried to brush away that fact because Riley was a stranger he met and married during a drunken night in Las Vegas, knowing the easy thing to do was end it and marry Madeleine. 

Liam didn't want to do the easy thing, though, not when he finally felt this whole. She was like the missing piece of him he never thought he'd find. It was utterly ridiculous to feel that way already. But in his arms, engaged in a passionate kiss with him, was ... his wife. Suddenly he was proud of that.

Riley's hands moved from their grip at his sides, slid up to his broad chest, gently pushed away, and broke the seal they had on each other. 

Through labored breaths, his heart still pounding, he willed himself to speak "Riley. That ... was ... incredible."

Liam drew her close again, his fingertips lightly brushing across her forehead, sweeping stray hairs to the side while he searched longingly into her wanting eyes.

Riley swallowed, wanting more than anything for him to lean down again and place his tender lips against her sentient skin. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him into her closer. She shuddered as his heated breath bounced off the skin that covered her collar bone, and his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt.

It felt so damn good to have a man desire and want her after so long. But it was so much more than that; it was just Liam. 

It was Liam. Which is also why she had to stop.

Riley pulled away again, leaving him to stare at her perplexed.

"What's wrong?" He asked breathlessly.

Her fingers lightly crimped and rolled the bare skin below her neck while she searched for words. What was wrong? She was incredibly attracted to Liam. He had been amazing to her since they met. And oh my God did she want him. But she couldn't shake her thoughts of those 'what if's' and self-doubts. She would never be good enough for him. In her mind, Liam deserved the best, and that wasn't her.

Riley stammered, "I ... um, need to pack." She looked around the living room, still flustered and reeling from their moment together. Tripping into tables and chairs, she let out a random nervous laugh that made Liam's eyes widen, still unsure what the hell was going on as she pranced around grabbing remotes, a vase, and drink coasters.

Liam raised his brows in bewilderment. "Riley? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes! I'm great. Never been better." Stopping to pick up a lamp, Riley saw the look on his face, staring at the items that had piled up in her arms. She glanced down and chuckled heartily again, clearly high-strung. "What the hell am I doing? I don't need this stuff in Cordonia? Do I need this stuff in Cordonia? You probably have a ton of lamps and coasters already. Am I talking too much? I'm talking too much, aren't I? What am I even saying right now? I'm just going to leave this stuff right here, because ... you don't need them." She paused with a timid grin, then dropped the items onto the sofa with a clang, turned and shuffled out of the room.

Liam scratched the back of his head and uttered to himself, "What in the blue Bianca F. Walker was that?" 

There was more to that outburst than just needing to pack, and he knew it. Riley told him she couldn't make him happy just before that kiss they shared and was seemingly projecting her feelings away from him. It was clear from that kiss that she felt the same way about him as he did her, but was letting fear grapple her heart and mind.

If she was going to Cordonia to save him, Liam decided he'd slay those barriers she built up and save her too.

But why?

Placing the stuff Riley dropped on the couch onto an end table, Liam flopped down onto the sofa. The lustrous rays of a setting sun coming through the window behind him projected a warmth on his back that matched his heart. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together. 

Riley wasn't perfect and didn't pretend to be, which was refreshing compared to the women he was used to. She knew nothing about Cordonia, how to be a Queen, maybe a bit of a hot mess, and knew very little about him. How could this ever work out?

Liam sat up and propped his head on the back of the sofa, replaying those facts over and over in his mind. So many things could go wrong, he thought as he let out a heavy breath. "But, she's the one."

A half-hour later, Riley fumbled out of her room, rolling a suitcase in both hands, and a carry on bag hung crossways over her shoulder. Liam took both suitcases and assured her he would take care of anything she forgot or needed.

After loading everything in the trunk of the limo, Liam whistled for Leo, who was lying on his back in the neighbor's yard and passing a doobie to an 80-year-old man named Burt he hustled pot for.

He popped up to see his ride leaving then quickly rose to his feet. "That's my bro; I gots ta go." Leo looked down at the man with the long white beard and asked, "Anymore words of advice, Dumbledore?"

The old man stroked his beard then took a hit off his joint, blowing plumes of smoke that faded with the wind. "Never put your hand where you wouldn't put your willy, son."

Leo pondered on those words, then nodded and patted his chest with his fist. "Word."

"Take it easy, Weasley!" The man waved as Leo headed for the limo.

With everyone ready to head to the airport, the chauffeur closed the door behind Liam. 

Liam had a million things he desperately wanted to discuss with Riley, mainly what he knew they both were feeling, but they were at zero hour. He had to prepare his new bride for what laid ahead and her new role as one half of a ruling monarch. Even if only a temporary one. 

Reaching over his shoulder, Liam grabbed the seat belt and snapped it in place. He glanced over at Riley, who was sitting next to him, searching through her purse for Visine to clear Leo's bloodshot eyes. They were starting to scare her. 

She must have felt his eyes on her because she looked back at him in time to see the beaming smile leveled at her.

"You ready, my Queen?"

Riley drew in a deep breath with a shrug; there was a hint of uncertainty, but hope was written in her eyes. "I think so ... my King."

_________________________________

Drake stared at the picture of three identical little boys who looked like they were ready to raise hell. The photo shook in his hand as the rage in his veins continued to build-up. "That fucker is dead when I see him. So help me, I'm gonna beat the living shit out of Leo."

Drake's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out to read a message from Liam saying they were headed for the airport.

As he relayed the message to Maxwell, they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

Maxwell jumped up to answer it and looked through the peephole. With eyes widened, he turned and gestured with his thumb at the door and exclaimed through a loud whisper, "It's Pinquee Kittee!"

Drake stiffened then shook his head. "What the hell could she want? If she came back for more, she's shit out of luck. My hardware is fried because of that woman." He tossed his phone on the counter next to his wallet and grabbed the pharmacy bags. "I'm gonna go apply my ointment before we go. Get rid of her, Beaumont."

Maxwell nodded then waited for Drake to clear the room before he answered the door. "Miss Kittee!" he greeted with exuberance before shouting over his shoulder, conspicuously, "If you're looking for Drake, he's not here."

The gray-haired woman whose wrinkly face and sagging jawline creased even more when she scowled. Pinquee Kittee removed the cigarette dangling from her mouth and spoke with a husky voice, "I just came for my casserole dish and ..." She reached inside her tube top and held out a credit card. "To give this back to my client. I swiped it during  ... the cunnilingus."

Maxwell’s hands shot to his face as he hurled a little in his throat. Taking a moment to collect himself, he grabbed the card from her hand and inspected it. "Hey, this is Liam's card."

She waved her cigarette wielding hand in front of her. "Not my beef. Now, where's my dish? It's CorningWare. Shit's pricey."

Maxwell turned and walked into the kitchen to get her dish out of the dishwasher, with her following behind.

Satisfied with her item retrieval and a whirlwind of white smoke trailing behind her as she left, Drake crept out of the bathroom a minute later and looked at Maxwell. "She gone?"

Maxwell nodded. "Yeah, she picked up her casserole dish and brought back Liam's credit card."

Puzzled, Drake cocked his head and asked, "Liam's credit card? How'd did she get that? It's in my wal ..." His eyes roamed over the kitchen bar counter frantically. "Where's my wallet? And my damn cell phone?"

They both glanced at the door at the same time, knowing she was most likely long gone by now.

Drake dropped his face into his hands. "This was supposed to be a fun trip, Max."

Maxwell frowned and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Between the sexually transmitted diseases, a summons for child support on kids Leo most likely fathered, and now your wallet and cell phone have been stolen by your hooker, there is no happy ending to this trip for you, Drake." He pulled the handle of his luggage up. "Come on, buddy. Shuttle's waiting. Let's get you home and rest."

[msjr0119]

Forgive me

Epilogue Part 2

Series includes suicide and abuse.

Based on true events but using TRR characters who are owned by Pixelberry.

Warnings: Slight swearing, fluff 🥰

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @beardedoafdonutwagon @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @lauradowning29 @jared2612 @desiree-0816

Epilogue part 2 - the final chapter 😭😭😭 This series was based a few things on the unexpected death of not only my colleague but my friend. We didn’t realise that he had taken his life until three months after his passing, he was homosexual- only his brother, close friends and colleagues knew. He lived two lives, one with his partner and their pet huskies, and the other with his ‘fake’ wife and daughter (for appearances) RIP Shabs 🥰

I went rogue with this series as it was very emotional writing parts that never got published due to me going rogue. Thank you to everyone who has liked this series as a Drake Stan it’s always hard doing Riam - love you all 😘

*****

“My role as an only child will soon come to an end because my mommy is due with my new best friend. You’re... you’re.. we’re...” Liam couldn’t ‘spit’ out the words that he needed to express, having a baby of their own was always a future thought. At this moment in time, he had just got the girl back- he had Lucas who he had now classed as his own son ever since Leo gave him permission to.

“Li, breathe. Jesus Christ.” Drake picked up Lucas, and created a bit of distance as he could see the King was in shock. Liam eventually slowly stood up, still believing that he was trapped in some dream.

“You’re pregnant? How do you feel? Are you up to doing this today?” Rubbing her arm, she could see the concern in his eyes. Already acting like the doting father, caring for his child’s mother’s health and needs.

“Liam I’m pregnant I’m not ill. It was Drake’s idea to tell you here. I wanted to sneak you into a seperate room for privacy before the ceremony. I feel fine, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“I’m glad you did it, I’m just shocked. When did you become pregnant? Isn’t it too early to know for certain?”

“New York.” Liam thought back to the night he had proposed, their reunion had created half of him and half of Riley. It had also explained why she had bad mood swings on their joint hen/stag party.

“Can’t you show a little bit of appreciation for all the hard work Maxwell has put in to ensure we have a good night?” Liam was annoyed with Riley acting miserable, he couldn’t read what she was thinking exactly- but the resting bitch face explained it briefly.

“I am Liam, but I didn’t ask for all of this. I’m tired and I’d have just preferred to stick to traditional hen and stag do.” Holding her stomach, she had cramp and had hoped that he would prevent causing more of a scene.

“Go and find a stripper, and have a one night stand then. We’ll all be at the bar- having a scotch and cigar. Is that a traditional stag do?”

“Liam I didn’t mean it like that. You know what? Screw you!”

“Go, go and have fun. You have my permission.” Turning around he ignored her pleas to wait.

Riley thought about Liam’s words regarding a one night stand- hesitantly knocking on the door she hoped her choice would open up.

“Riley? What are you doing here?”

“My fiancé has given me a hall pass, a free pass for a one night stand. There’s only one person I would consider for this.”

“And who’s that?”

“The handsome man stood right in front of me.”

“Your fiancé is a very lucky man. I’m sure he regrets offering you this chance.”

“Liam shut up and just kiss me. I’m sorry and I love you. I wouldn’t do that anyway. You’re the only one for me. Did you know you’re an arsehole at times? I hope that you choked on the cigar smoke!” She winked, whilst laughing. Dragging her into the room, he was grateful that she didn’t use ‘the hall pass’ - he had thought about who she would sleep with, number one suspect being Drake. It broke his heart thinking about it, he was stupid to suggest it. Thanking the lord that she made the first move in repairing their relationship after their tiny disagreement.

“Anymore surprises for me today?”

“Leo’s sat with Rob- is that a good surprise?” Liam furrowed his eyebrows before looking over, seeing his older brother smile at him and impersonating the chef kiss- Liam knew he couldn’t wait a second later to marry his Queen.

“So I see. Are you ready to become Mrs Rhys- again.”

“That was a sham, this here is real. Let’s do it.” Liam couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, kissing Riley gently on her lips- he then bent down and kissed her stomach. Announcing their news with this little gesture- the guests began whispering, the whispers echoed throughout the whole cathedral. Standing back up, he nodded to his step mother signalling that they were ready to complete their vows. Holding his fiancées hands, his thumbs brushed over her knuckles- it was time.

After the wedding reception, Liam carried his bride over the threshold. It was now his turn to surprise her, once he could resist kissing her. Placing her gently on the ground, he held her hand leading her to edge of the bed. Loosening his tie, he had hoped that she would like the surprises he had for her. Asking her to close her eyes and to not be tempted to peek, he made his way over to the wardrobe where he had hid the gifts prior to the wedding.

“Riley, I know you’re peeking.”

“I’m not!” Lying, she was attempting to peek discreetly.

“Hmm... okay- open your eyes love.” Riley did as he instructed, her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. A beautiful bouquet of roses that provided a sweet aroma, as well as an envelope.

“I did also have a bottle of champagne- but with your bombshell that you dropped, you now can’t drink alcohol. So we could keep that to celebrate the birth of the new prince or princess. Here, open the envelope.” Opening the envelope, she began to cry. There was a handwritten letter as well as an important document.

Riley, you are reading this because you decided to go ahead and marry me- I’m surprised you didn’t change your mind. I’m going to keep this short and simple- you are my world, my saviour, my beautiful Queen. I am so lucky to have met you- you saved my life and made it complete, a true fairytale where the Prince fell in love at first sight with the beautiful princess. I love you, I always will do until I take my last breath. Liam x

Riley was now crying uncontrollably- wondering if she could read what the other document included.

“I love you too Liam, more than you’ll ever know. When I first saw you, I knew who you was- Leo said I’d fall in love with you, maybe it was just a premonition? What’s the other thing? I don’t think my hormones could take it.” Holding her hand, he fixated his gaze onto hers, remembering the words Leo whispered to him at the Derby Lucas may be my son, but now you need to be his father. I love you little bro.

“Ri, at the Derby Leo spoke to me- giving me permission to be Lucas’s father from now on. Those documents are adoption papers- you don’t have to agree with it, but I would like to adopt him especially now we are married. He will always know about Leo, I’m not replacing him....”

“I’d love for you to adopt him. He loves you. I love you. We are a family now.”

*****

It had been four months since the royal wedding, Riley was glowing as the pregnant Queen. She had won the heart of Cordonia and it’s people in an instant. Liam was in awe of his wife, his Queen, the mother of his children- he had become very protective over her. Today they were doing a press conference, updating their people on the progress of the pregnancy.

Liam walked into their room, immediately placing his arms around her growing bump. Thinking back to their first scan- he still couldn’t believe this was happening.

It was the day that Riley and Liam was due to see their baby for the first time, for a dating scan. The two of them were excited but also apprehensive. They entered the SUV to travel to the hospital, she could tell that he was anxious by watching his body language- usually it would be Liam that would be studying people. The distant gazes looking out of the window, the silence, she wondered why he was so nervous. Holding her husbands hand, she had hoped that this little gesture would make him feel more at ease.

“Good morning Your Majesties. The doctor will be with you both shortly. Have you drank enough fluid so we can get an accurate picture and measurements?” Riley nodded, knowing exactly what the protocol was- remembering how nervous she was when pregnant with Lucas.

“If you lay down, try and stay still. I’m going to place the gel on your stomach- as you’ll already know it can be quite a shock due to the coldness.” Riley smiled, looking at Liam- he looked as if he was about to pass out. “Liam? Are you okay?”

“Yes sorry, I’m just nervous yet excited. I don’t know what to expect. You’ve been through this before, I haven’t.” They both heard the doctor laugh at his nervousness- knowing the King was gradually losing his stoic expressions. “So the babies are growing fine, as expected.”

“Babies?” They both shouted in unison.

Both Liam and Riley were shocked to say the least that they would have three children under the age of three - they were definitely going to keep the King and Queen on their toes.

“How are you feeling?” Liam rest his chin on her shoulder, providing light kisses.

“Fat, ugly, tired, sick. After these two pop out- you are staying away from me.”

“You are not fat nor ugly. You know I couldnt stay away. Besides you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off me.” Moving his mouth from her shoulder, he slowly moved his lips towards her neck. Throwing her head back, she knew now wasn’t the time to become turned on- they were busy.

“Liam, I mean it. No more children please. They are draining the energy out of me.”

“We’ll see. Maybe in the future?” He winked at her, not knowing how she would react due to her hormones. “Are you ready to face our people my Queen.”

“Ready as I’ll always be.” Sighing she wasn’t ready, she was never ready. But as Queen, she had to fake it- to be the perfect Queen that she always had to be.

Walking to the front of the palace, Bastien escorted the two of them and Lucas towards the podium. The cheers from the crowd, added to Riley’s morning sickness feeling. After many questions, Riley finally relaxed having her husband supporting her at all times. There were many questions asked, and answered mainly by Liam. There was one more journalist who had patiently waited his turn- Liam pointed to him gesturing him to begin with his questions. Slowly standing up- the man bowed to the King and Queen- before clearing his throat.

“Your Majesties, I would personally like to congratulate you both - not only with the royal wedding but with the news regarding expanding your family.” The unknown reporter said, providing them both with a soft smile.

“Thank you, we are so thrilled to be expanding our family. Both the Mother and babies are doing fine.” Liam’s eyes sparkled, as he held Lucas in one arm and placed a protective hand over Riley’s growing bump.

“That is fabulous news. However I do have a previous unanswered question to ask.”

“Go ahead.”

“When her majesty first visited Cordonia with the crown prince, the former King had hired a press secretary- who mysteriously disappeared around a similar time that her majesty returned to the states. When previous questions were asked regarding this all those months ago you ignored it. Where has he gone?”

“Well obviously because my wife and the crown prince had left to return home, we didn’t require a press secretary anymore. What is your name? Who do you work for? I don’t believe we have met.” Liam had now become suspicious about this person’s true identity. Every so often there were new faces at press conferences, but this man had Liam thinking overtime- paranoid to say. He could feel Riley’s heartbeat increase as if she was about to crack under the lies that her husband had conducted to protect her.

“Your majesty, I am a freelance journalist, new in the trade. My name is Claudius.”

[gayyogurt-blog]

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

The champagne toast has to be among the most universal wedding traditions, almost as common as a bride wearing white. But thanks to loosening restrictions on marijuana in states across the U.S., toasting with a bong hit is fast becoming the new trend.

California newlyweds Serena and Jeff Baleja hosted their own “weed wedding” in September, and for them, nothing could have been more appropriate.

“We smoke together so regularly, it just seemed weird to have a wedding without [weed],” Serena told HelloGiggles in a recent interview. Her husband Jeff added, “It's legal, we want to make sure that we can enjoy our rights.”

As cannabis slowly becomes legal in states across the country-recreational weed is currently legal in some form in nine states and Washington, D.C.-more and more couples are including weed in their weddings in the same way that alcohol has traditionally been a part of these celebrations. The trend is becoming so popular, in fact, that cannabis wedding expos are popping up around the country. Interestingly, some couples-including the Balejas-are looking to marijuana not only as a refreshment, but also as inspiration for many big-day details, from the food and drink to the decor.

If you're imagining that the Balejas got married inside some sort of smoke den, erase that mental image-that's not at all what their weed wedding looked like. Serena described her big day as a “vintage Bollywood”-themed event at Frank Sinatra's old house in the Hollywood Hills, and from the pictures, it looks exactly like what you'd think of if you pictured a traditional wedding: flowers, white dress, scenic backdrops. However, marijuana leaves were used to enhance bouquets and boutonnieres, and the couple's dessert menu was weed-heavy.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Weed consumption happened mostly during the reception: The couple had a weed bar, which included a rolling station, a dab station, edibles, and “budtenders” to serve guests. The couple still had alcohol at the reception for guests who didn't want to indulge in cannabis, but the weed was definitely the hit of the night.

“Weed was just an element where it's more interesting than alcohol where you can experience it more, if that makes sense. So that was more like, 'Let's give this experience to our guests that the've never had before,'” Jeff said.

Serena added, “We've both lost parents to alcohol so we kind of, we don't drink as much alcohol as we used to.”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

As for their parents, only Serena's mom questioned the couple's decision to celebrate with marijuana. “I think my mom was saying something like, 'Are you sure you want to do this? Because you're going to have to look at the pictures forever and you might regret it when you're older.' But I kind of look at it as, I'm definitely always gonna be smoking weed, especially when I'm older,” Serena said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

To plan their dream wedding, the Balejas enlisted the help of Jamie McCormick, aka “The Flower Daddy,” a wedding planner they met at a weed wedding expo. He helped them source a cannabis wedding cake and a cannabis-infused chocolate fountain; the cannabis-infused gelato that Jeff sells in Los Angeles was also on the couple's dessert menu. The night before the wedding, the couple and their guests enjoyed a dinner infused with cannabis, too. And, knowing that marijuana can make some users sleepy, the couple and their planner made sure to provide plenty of lounge areas where guests could rest or nap. “I think the worst that happened was someone just fell asleep on one of the hammocks, but that's what they were there for,” Serena said.

The couple even incorporated marijuana into their vows in a creative way. “After we said our vows and I gave her her first kiss, I had two joints hidden in my jacket and we had our minister spark up our joints together as we finished our vows,” Jeff told HG.

Serena added, “She said, 'You may now smoke with the bride,' and that was a surprise for me…I couldn't have been happier because I was so stressed up to that point and then we had a smoke and I was like 'aahh.'”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Overall, the couple loved the chill vibe of the wedding and said that its low stress level fit their style well. “I'm the only bride I know that had a relaxing time [at the wedding] and wasn't like going crazy or stressing out about random things,” Serena said.

As you can imagine, Jeff and Serena passionately believe that marijuana doesn't deserve the stigma it has in certain places. “On a global scale, this prohibition needs to end,” Jeff said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

The California duo encourages any couple that smokes together and with friends to incorporate weed into their wedding (if you live in a place where it's legal), and said that nobody should feel shame doing so. “If you smoke weed with your partner, you would love it,” Serena said. Who knows, by 2020 everyone's wedding receptions could include budtenders.

The post This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[nightwingswing]

“Stalker”(Jonathan crane x reader x Jason Todd) Jason Todd ending.

Hello my little wiings!

Here it is ! Jay’s ending to the “Stalker” series! Tomorrow will be published Jonathan’s ending (with smut)

Im also working in a continuation to the “Sibling war”(waverider crew x reader) story and bew Batfam imagines and hc and also a  Riddler imagine! so if you have any other propt for any villain or any character of Dc send me a message anytime!

Thank you to everyone who supported this story and the wonderful anon who suggested two ending for this story! 

tags: @hamsterforlive @princessquinn33 @plethora-of-things

If you want to be tagged message me any time!

Part1 Part2 Jay’s ending (here!)  jon’s ending  [Sequel!]

Enjoy!

“Well birdie…looks like you are about to lose hahahahaha!!! This gives me so many memories! Ahh! To bad the big bad bat won’t come! ☹ But anyway…im sure you came for your little princess??? Ohhh you did hahahahaha!! The little robin is alone again!! Poor youuu! Too bad she doesn’t love you anyway!! Hahahahahaha” The joker laughed, over the blodies body of Red hood.

“ Fuck …you” Jason said.

“Good night!” The joker prepared for the last strike.

“BAM!”

Jason Todd Ending

Jason fired his gun, hitting the joker in the middle of his forehead.

The joker let escape a mad laugh before falling on the ground. A sick smile in his cold face as a little trail of blood escaped from the hole.

Jason kicked his body away and broke the door, seeing your sleeping face. He immediately calmed down, but his anger incremented as he saw The scarecrow sitting next to you.

“You fucker…” Jason seethed as Crane waked up.

“You…we thought I killed you….To bad, you’ll die soon.” Crane grabbed a knife and attacked Jason. Jason shoot him once. Crane attacked him, injuring his good arm making the gun fall on the ground. Todd kicked him on his knees making him fall, he kicked the knife away and hit cranes face repeatedly making him bleed trough his nose.

“that’s for (y/N)! that’s for all the civilians you killed! , This is for the children you experimented on, this is for my family and THIS IS FOR (y/n) AGAIN!!!!” After a extra strong punch Crane’s head hit the ground violently and got knocked out.  Jason spited blood on the ground before running to you and disconnecting the blood transfuses and the machines.

“Oh god, (y/n) …wake up please! I can’t lose you! I can’t lose anyone else! Please!” Jason teared his domino mask off and hold your face in his bloodstained ones. He kissed you sweetly over and over again.

“(Y/N) PLEASE! PLEASE! Wake up don’t leave me…. You are my everything…my best friend…my lover…my soulmate…The only I trust enough with my feelings…I can’t lose anyone else! “he kissed your lips softly as his desperate hot tears fell on your cold cheeks. “(y/n) …..”

“J-Jay….” You opened your eyes softly, your mouth dry and voice raspy from the screaming. “Jay..” Jason smiled at you as he hugged you hard.

“(y/n)…oh god….you’re okay…everything is going to be ok…” Jason’s breath felt hot in the skin of your neck as his hug felt comfortable and heavenly.

“Jay….im sorry…I shouldn’t have….i shouldn’t have come!” You sobbed on Todd’s chest as he tried to calm you.

“Shhhh, it’s okay….we took care of it…Gotham’s safe again…” Jason carried you bridal style out of the facility, as he went out Kory and Roy entered the labs.

“Everyone has reunited?” Jay asked.

“Yes, everyone is waiting outside. The rest of the league joined in the last fight.” Roy answered.

“Take care of Crane, if I see his face I shot him.” Jason started walking away holding you close. “ oh, and the body of the joker is rooting in the entrance!”

“What.” Roy said.

“Does that mean I can blast the crow of scares? he hurt my friend!” Kori said.

“uh…maybe a bit, yeah a bit” Roy said as they walked to the lab.

///*\\\

Jason got out of the labs to see his allies, friends, and …ugh…family.

“Jason! How is she??” Dick ran to him to see if you needed medical attention.

“She’s okay…”

“My god! Jay your hands! You face! “ Dick said.

“Not my blood”

“Who is it. “ Batman, who had recently joined their fight said.

“Crane’s…and joker’s”.

“The joker was here?” Superman asked as Roy came out of  the lab with Crane’s unconscious body and Kori with joker’s bloodied, cold corpse whose she let fall from her flying position to the ground in a loud splash.

“He’s dead btw.” Jason said nonchalant as he passed them to let you in   Roy’s car. “Now take Crane out of my sight before I shot him ten times.”

"What? JASON!" Batman yelled. Jason let you in the passenger seat and drive home where he showered you, dressed you in your pajama and prepared your favorite to eat. Late that night Jason cuddled you apologizing for not acting before…for letting you get hurt. You tried to smile at him and cuddled him.

“It’s not your fault…” Jason hugged you and hide his face in your neck, smelling your calming scent.

“I love you, (y/n).” Jason kissed your lips sweetly before falling asleep.

///*\\\

It’s been 4 months since what the press called “The Darkest months” . All the hero community united to put Gotham back to its feet.

“Starfire, Hawkgirl please put this in that roof”

“ Okay!” Kori smiled as she and Chayara flied the roof of a house to its place. Superman flied over them melting the joints with his X ray vision. The lanterns set away and got rid of the debris while Aquaman took care of  putting out the fires and of re-construing the port of Gotham.

Batman and the Batclan, helped GCPD with the civilians. Wonder Woman with the Flash helped to put back together Gotham’s memorials. For the first time all the heroes helped in putting back the destroyed city, and for the months it took no villain, mobster or petty thief tried anything.

Jason had finally eliminated all the residual chemicals Scarecrow put in your system, with patience, love and caution Jason sewed back together your psychologic and physical health ,like you once did for him all those years ago. Bruce had months of not talking to Jason, angry at the fact that he had killed, on the other hand, Jason felt his revenge had been finished and now fought for what was right. You and Jason fell in love all over again after that adventure and Jason was very decided to not letting you go.

He had finally found someone he could trust with his life, someone he could be weak with , someone who would love him with his faults …Someone he could form a family with.

Tonight was the 8th anniversary of you first meeting and also of your first date. Jason put a blindfold on you and conduced you to the same secret place he showed you those years ago, this place was only yours…There he had set an small table with two chairs and a candle.

“Jay…?” A wide smiled took over your face as you looked at you romantic-that -acts-like-he’s-so-tough boyfriend and kissed him. He helped you sit and put the first dish he prepared for you when you two moved together.

After eating he smiled at you with his bad boy charm and gave you his helmet. You, confused took it , he told you to look inside. You got a little red velvet box and as you opened it Jason got on one of his knees. You realized when you saw the simple ring inside and tears started falling of your eyes.

“(Y/n) (l/n) I know im not the easier man to get along, nor the best boyfriend heck not even the best vigilante. But I love you, you make me a better man, you feel like I belong, you are my home. Since I meet you I knew there was something in you…something that told me that you were different. You would make me the happiest man on earth if you accepted this mess for a husband.” As Jason ended you had put the ring on your finger and tackled him, kissing his lips over and over again.

“I DO!, I do I do I do!!” You smiled at him as he kissed you passionately.

“Thank you.”

///*\\

It was a small wedding in that same roof. Just your family, Roy, Kori and jay’s family. He looked handsome with his black leather jacket, clean white shirt and black pants. You, on the other hand looked positively angelic in your medium length white dress with a red bow, your (h/c) hair free and natural and bouquet of red roses on your hand.

Jason smiled when he looked at you, you here the most beautiful view he had ever seen. He took your hand between his and kissed your nose.

Roy, officed the wedding for you as Tim was Jason’s best (or maybe bat?) man and  Kori was your (how she called it ) Maid of brides. Lian with her cute red hood dress you had made for her carried the rings for you two.

After the ceremony Alfred with the help of the Batboys (and Bruce) prepared the dinner, and after Roy got a bit drunk with Dick and Babs had to put them in time out you and Jay came back to your home sweet home where you made love all night long.

Sinking in each others warm until the end of time.

The end.

Bonus!

Meanwhile in one of the darkest cells of Arkham and middle aged man grabed his head between his hands and talked to himself smiling crazily as h lived in his own world.

“Yes, of course my beautiful (y/n)! of course I’m happy we have Sam! You want another?? No problem my beautiful wife! Get out that pesky dress of you and let me make love to you!!!”

Suddenly a loud explosion and the man hit the wall violently as the wall of his prison blew up. When the smoke cleared the man eyes looked at his way to freedom, an evil smile made his way to his soft face.

“I’m coming, my love!” Yelled Jonathan Crane as he ran away of Arkham asylum.

Jason Todd’s ending -  (Here)

Jonathan Crane’s ending ( here)

[wandlores]

narlily

this will be a nice little modern muggle au where narcissa is a wedding planner and lily is planning to get married. we’ll see how that works out. i’m also going to tag @ginnys because i know how much she loves narlily!

lily evans was marrying james potter after five years of dating. 

when they got engaged, her family and friends sighed from relief.

but as she said yes, something felt off. she hadn’t told anyone, and she didn’t plan to.

she was supposed to marry james at this point. that’s how it worked, right?

he treated her like a queen, he was handsome, and he was a good man. 

he was all she could ever dream of.

because of marlene and dorcas’s excitement, they surprised lily with a wedding planner.

“we want you to have the best wedding possible,” dorcas gushed, “and we’re going to pay for the wedding planners help. she is supposed to be the best in area.”

marlene grabbed dorcas’s hands and smiled at her, but she shook her head slightly.

“dorcas went a little overboard with who she picked, but your wedding will be a grand-slam, don’t worry.”

lily perked her brow and set her coffee down on the table in front of her, she leaned forward slightly so she could better hear the couple in front of her.

“who did you hire?”

she was almost nervous. they lived in a big city; there were multiple wedding planners that were well-known and “the best.” it was a constant competition in the market.

dorcas smiled nervously, and marlene sighed.

“we hired narcissa black.”

lily’s mouth dropped open, and she blinked multiple times in a row as she processed this new information.

“you hired THE narcissa black? are you joking?” she hissed, “not only have i heard she is a major bitch, but she is outrageously expensive. how are you two going to handle that?”

marlene just shrugged, and dorcas grinned. 

“don’t worry about it,” they insisted, “just know that you have your first meeting with her tomorrow.”

lily’s eyes bulged out of her head.

“but james and i haven’t even talked about colors! how will i know what to even say to her?”

“we’ll help you,” dorcas reassured her, “and trust me, james won’t care what the colors are as long as he is marrying you.”

she knew dorcas’s words should have made her feel giddy, but instead she gulped with nerves.

the next day, dorcas was practically skipping with marlene as they approached narcissa black’s door.

it was emerald green and overly ornate, and lily swore she saw rhinestones framing the doorway as she was pulled inside.

“i can’t believe we are here!” dorcas whispered excitedly to marlene, “when we get married, we have to come to her.”

“if we can afford it again,” marlene muttered under her breath, and dorcas jabbed her in the ribs.

lily was about to comment, but she was distracted when she saw a stunning woman walking down the long and elegant staircase.

lily’s mouth went dry as she watched her. she was wearing an emerald green dress that matched her door that had a slit up the side.

her long creamy legs were exposed, and her blonde hair was up in a curly up-do.

when she caught eyes with lily, she smirked slightly, and that’s when lily noticed how they sparkled against her overly be-dazzled chandelier. 

her eyes were so blue lily swore she could swim in them.

lily gulped.

as she reached the bottom step, she asked, “so who is the lovely bride?”

lily didn’t say anything, but dorcas spoke up for her.

“she is! this is lily.”

narcissa approached her and looked her up and down.

“you’re quite a looker,” narcissa commented, “he’s a lucky man.”

“i suppose he is.” lily replied.

lily glanced over to look at marlene and dorcas. marlene was giving her a funny look, but dorcas was too distracted by the decor around her to notice.

narcissa led them into her office, and they all sat down in front of her cherry wood desk. she offered them all a glass of champagne, and lily was transfixed as she watched her light her cigarette.

it was between her perfectly manicured fingers, and lily was distracted by how long they were.

“so lily,” narcissa started, “have you thought about wedding colors?”

lily immediately shot a look at dorcas, and she just shrugged. marlene couldn’t help but smirk.

“i-i have not,” lily answered honestly, “what do you think would look good on me and my two bridesmaids here?”

narcissa took a drag from her cigarette as she studied lily. she didn’t even try to look at dorcas and marlene.

“green would look amazing on you, especially with your eyes.”

“are you just saying that cause everything you own is green?”

lily’s question was out of her mouth before she could stop it, and narcissa raised her brow. she watched as narcissa put out her cigarette in her bejeweled ash-tray and suddenly felt nervous.

narcissa leaned forward on her desk to whisper just to lily, “it is my favorite color, perhaps that’s why i find your eyes so distracting.”

lily’s lips slightly parted, and she watched as narcissa’s eyes flicked down to notice them.

they were snapped out of their trance when someone cleared their throat.

lily turned around to see marlene and dorcas looking at her with a shocked expression.

lily swallowed. 

“well-uh, let’s continue.”

and that’s what they did for the rest of the day, until they had loose plans of what lily did and did not want. 

she ended up taking narcissa’s advice about green being one of her wedding colors; she was right and she wasn’t surprised.

after they left narcissa’s place that night, the three of them went back to lily’s flat.

dorcas had to leave to cover a night-shift at work, so lily was just left with marlene.

marlene lit a joint as soon as dorcas left and passed it over to lily.

lily took a drag and closed her eyes.

“so, when are you going to tell james you can’t marry him because you’re a lesbian?”

lily choked on the smoke she just inhaled.

“wh-what are you talking about?”

“i suppose you could be bisexual, but let me tell you, honey, no straight girl looks at someone like you looked at narcissa.”

lily took a deep breath and stole the joint from marlene again to light it.

“it’s okay, lily. it’s okay to be confused,” marlene reassured her.

but lily wasn’t confused; she was attracted to narcissa. more so than she was ever attracted to james.

lily was about to respond, but then as she was shrugging off her jacket, a piece of paper slipped out.

she picked it up and unfolded it, and she would have recognized that elegant scrawl anywhere.

“call me when your marriage doesn’t work out,” narcissa wrote, “i think i can give you what you want.”

lily gaped at the note, and marlene leaned over to read over her shoulder.

marlene clicked her tongue and asked, “well, should you tell james or should i?”

lily didn’t know what to do about james, but all she knew was that she wanted to get to know narcissa black.

[maryseward666]

The Heavy Metal Penis Chart

The Heavy Metal Penis Chart

I figured I would post this because this is it the first time some stud rocker lost his reputation as a sex God. This wasIt was originally floating around on Metal Sludge and then they will either took the sign down for us to take it down so here is one more time for posterity.

Folders closure, I do not find this myself on archive.org I will link the post to her I found out all of this information now how fun girls!

Stefan Adika / Dad’s Porno Mag A recent email said Stefan is hung like a baby and is a quick shooter. However, Stefan disagrees and says, “I might be Jewish, by I ain’t no Tiny Tim.” His wife is ex-porn star Shelby Stevens, so you know she’s had more dicks than a urinal at LAX. It could go either way, but if you read my Ho-Bag Volume 1, you’ll find out what Stefan is all about.

Art Alexakis / Everclear Art has an 8 inch cocks, he’s loud and practically rabid for eating pussy and rimming. He loves his balls sucked, is a great kisser, and enjoy his encounters in odd/semi-public places. Art has a huge sexual appetite and is very loud/likes to talk dirty. However he’s not fond of condoms and sometimes his cock isn’t fully hard, which might have something to do with him being a former drug addict. Either that or he’s just old. He tries to come off as such a sincere, sweet guy, but he’s a HUGE slut. He does treat you well when you’re with him–he even holds hands/cuddles and gives his real phone #. He also likes his women to be pretty intelligent and able to hold their end of a conversation about current issues, etc. Watch out for this one, though–he’s unclean!! Either he doesn’t wash the crotch area often or he has a serious problem…smells very dirty. Gross!!

Phil Anselmo / Pantera Well after a short glimpse of that MONSTER power tool in their debut home video it’s no wonder that Rob Halford is such a big Pantera fan! Reports are Phil is a bit over 10 inches!! There are also rumors that Phil can swing both ways, at least orally.

Vinnie Appice / Dio Your jaw won’t get sore sucking his cock, so he’s an average joe. But his ‘jap eye’ does blow out enough jizz for 10 guys!

Tom Araya / Slayer If you’re down with pentagrams and Satan, then not only is Tom for you, but he’s got a big cock to boot. Tom is about 7 inches, loves to fuck and is not selfish at all! Also has an uncircumcised dick.

Sebastian Bach Bach can deliver the good, as most skinny, tall guys can. He has been seen with a variety of groupies out on the road and reports are that he doesn’t shower much. He does have an above average cock and can be a lot of fun, but is ego is totally out of line and out of control. Is known to be a very big asshole, so be careful.

Reb Beach / Winger Will tell you he’s married, but still pursue you. If you play with his dirty onion ring he’ll worship you. Average all-around; shows respect, and doesn’t seem to be TOO much the player. Likes ’em young.

Jon Bon Jovi / Bon Jovi Back in the day Jon was a huge slut but he’s chilled out a little. Jon has an average size cock and like a lot of guys prefers to receive oral than give it. He has good rhythm though and will even wear 2 condoms if you ask him to.

Mick Brown / Dokken Absolute waste of time. Maybe 3 inches if you pull on it. Could be the drugs though.

Rob Bruce / Slik Toxik Rob has a pretty small cock, plus he only has ONE BALL! He lost his other ball in an accident. Sounds like he comes up short in both areas.

Jerry Cantrell / Ex-Alice In Chains Large (maybe 10 inches), impressive penis. Can handle two girls at once but he loses points for smoking too much crack. Sleeps around because he can, but fixates on the woman he wants to be with.

Edward Carlson / Flotsam & Jetsam He’s VERY good with his tongue. His dick is about 9 inches!! If you blow him, he’ll ask if you’ll swallow. If you don’t, he’s nice enough to respect that, but he’ll wanna cum on your tits. He’s also into a little ass-play. You wanna try a dildo out on him? Go ahead and ask. He’ll say yes!

Igor Cavalera / Seplutura He cares about whether you get off or not and he is, let’s say, VERY intense in bed. Also has a huge cock.

Carlos Cavazo / Quiet Riot Not only a very sloppy and boring lay, but he is very, very, very small. There is no riot going on in his pants.

Gary Cherone / Ex-Van Halen, Ex-ExtremeGary is so small if somebody saw you sucking his dick it would look like you were smoking a joint! Word has it that he is a lot like Freddie Mercury, on and OFF the stage.

Billy Childs / Britny Fox Here is one straight out of the sludge mailbag and out of the past. Our source said it looks like he has a nice size package, but unfortunately he suffered from Whisky D and popped too many pills! It was worse than a wet noodle! This is also called Jerry Dixon syndrome in some circles!

James Christian / House Of Lords James has a small, but thick cock, but unfortunately a very hairy back. It looks like he’s wearing a sweater! Unlike a Snickers bar, he isn’t very satisfying.

John Corabi / Ratt, Brides Of DestructionThe former lead singer of Motley Crue also has something in common with Tommy Lee, if you know what I mean. Sometimes those short guys will surprise you with a huge hog.

Jimmy D’Anda / Ex-BulletBoys He has a decent size cock, but not great. He likes to propose marriage while you’re giving him a blow job.

Zack De La Rocha / Ex-Rage Against The Machine Now he is excellent in bed, though he has really ugly, curly-haired crotch and balls, but his oral and finger skills make the hair ordeal worth it. Cock is about eight inches in length, about seven in girth. Loves doggy more than any other position, and seems to be obsessed with playing with a girl’s hair. Has a thing for olive skin and dark hair … overall, solid 9, and he takes care of you after the fact.

Glenn Danzig / DanzigThe bottom line is his cock is just like him, short.

Amir Derakh / Orgy Above average cock length but skinny. Some of said he is obsessed with anal, so don’t drop the soap in the shower. A good kisser but the personality of a corpse. Does shave his pubic hairs so that’s a plus.

C.C. DeVille / Poison I knew a girl that use to go to his house up in the Hollywood Hills & said he liked to Jack Off with lotion 3-5 times a day when he was a Speed user! Nothing fancy on the size either. Must be all the bleach. Doesn’t shut up either.

Dez / Coal Chamber 7 inch dick with a slight bend to the left. He will smoke some weed with you then sweet talk you to get you into bed. No oral from him and he likes girl on top, then after he cums, he gets rid of you.

John Dolmayan / System Of A Down MASSIVE cock. Great in bed, but selfish. Loves to receive oral (if you can get all of it in your mouth), but hesitant to reciprocate unless he knows you. Very dominant, but will NOT look at you while he is fucking you. Likes when you play with his balls. If you are a groupie and act like one, he will treat you with ZERO respect.

Taime Downe / Faster Pussycat Taime’s got a nice size cock. We heard he’s into that let me CHOKE you while I POKE you thing too. I heard he’s a breast man and likes big boobs, and is pretty good in the sack. Also rumored to bat from both sides of the plate. Hasn’t seen the sun since 1987.

David Draiman / Disturbed He is the ultimate ladies man & is with a different girl every night. He will sweep you off your feet with love & affection, but watch his other hand because it’ll be on some other chicks ass. He’s got a nice size cock, but can be a selfish fuck, so bring your vibrator. Also, you may walk funny the next day because he rams really hard. In addition, some say he’s pretty cheap and never pays for a thin, and one girl even says he plays for both teams.

Kevin DuBrow / Quiet Riot Kevin has a good body and an average dick. He’s very passionate and worth looking into providing you dig guys who wear a rug.

Fred Durst / Limp Bizkit Fred is an average joe, or should I say an average Fred. Nothing too big but nothing too small. He loves to eat pussy and loves to get oral in return. He’s a little on the kinky side and he really loves the freaky girls. Tries to use the press to get date and frequently comes off like a creepy stalker

They resuscitated version of this post is available here: http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/latest-gossip/104730-penis-chart-metal-groupies-kiss-tell.html

  The post The Heavy Metal Penis Chart appeared first on Rock Out With Your Cock Out.

[thelightningbottler]

Towns

Pt 1

At a bus stop next to a lightning  struck tree

They pulled their jacket closer in

To protect them from the cold and damp.

And protect them from the wind and rain

And protect them from the eyes of passersby

Who might stare at them and wonder why

They were at a bus stop in the rain

With bags all packed, and cellophane

Wrapped around a sandwich that

Looked quite unhealthy after the fact

And why must they look? Perceive what I am?

And then the bus arrived and then

They got onto the bus and paid their fare

Feeling rather underwhelmed at the prospect

Of a bus in the rain on another grizzly day

And the coat can only help so much 

Cause now that they are upon the bus

It’s bulky and wet and not fit for purpose

But they keep it on because anything else would be a dismal display of what could happen

If you play too close to fire too close to soot and spit it out right at the root 

And the bus drives on to pastures new

And pulls the player from their gloom

As sun. bright and crisp seeps through the clouds.

“I have no name, I have no voice”

The city promised 

“I have ways to make you hella. rich.

I have ways to serendipitously

Pull you towards that which you seek.

Do you require love and hope? 

Do you require deep affection?

Do you require pitons and ropes,

To climb away from your addictions?

We have it all”

The city lied

“ And don’t forget to bring your pride

Pride will keep you in these streets

 and keep you from the howling mob,

 and keep you from the wailing child 

and keep you from your destitution 

and keep you as it’s willing bride’

The city winked

It was not there,

It didn’t start without the sprawl

Of houses and corner shops and eateries that litter all the way to gold

Stadia and outlets and places to buy buckets of chicken, and curry houses and chipperies and many other loose assortments of places that you could be. Closed to the public for the foreseeable. 

The seconds turned to minutes, and the minutes turned to hours as the roads of hedgerows turned to buildings from the flowers

 and now it comes up all at once as they sit and ponder new beginnings, bags trussed up to their chin and grey light shining through their window and the bus shows no signs of stopping other than the obvious ports like when it pulls up at red lights or drivers make it honk its horn. 

And still the sprawl continues unabated, with churches and gardens and strange little places to hide away and have a joint if you were so persuaded. And theatres and thatch roofed cottages seem to sublimate each other with wistful glances to the past and vicious words to one another. 

Trombone humming from the corner of 5th and nowhere sparks the scent of wishes that the other might go peaceful to their bed and the bus rolled through to darkened halls lined with adverts one and all promising that this gets better in some way shape or form. And off the bus they got, their jacket clinging to dear life as the rain subsides, but not at all. As it grows heavy from the clouds and the sunlight bursting through the gaps is not enough to warm the skin and so they marched up to their flat so new beginnings begin again.

Pt 2

 “I have lived in a village that was technically a town.” she said. “I have lived in a town that was technically a city. When I lived behind the Red Wall I expected there to be more mice holding swords.”

 “That’s interesting but could you find your keys, I seem to have lost mine.”

 “My keys are in my bag, growing roots inside the lining, finding a way to fit inside with all the other detritus. My lyre, my dagger, the cold stone severed head of medusa, lockets, hand sanitizer, a hair bobble.”

 They opened the door. Behind it was another door. They opened that.

 “Is this the kingdom of heaven or the eye of the storm?”

 “It’s the place where we live whilst in between buses.”

 She put the umbrella in the stand by the door.

 “The timetable I saw said they don’t run on weekends. And only do every other evening, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.”

 Even our days are just gods whose power has been wrung from them. Attached to time and work and rest and play and other human insignificancies. This town isn’t like the other towns. It knows how to fit in. It doesn’t make a fuss. It’ll give you a handjob and a steak and never expect you to call it back.

 All the other places they had lived were inside their minds but they were also inside this town. Squint your eyes and all places look the same. A dirty blur with light behind it. The possibility of everything and nothing. The void and it’s opposite.

Pt 3

So they stepped into the void, wishing the world around them might dissipate into a thousand tiny pieces but instead they found themselves in a local park, sparking up and hoping for the best. The change in mind might change in mood and change in place and make the world good again. 

It’s a possibility at least. Or maybe this change again will just lead to different panics, different rabbit holes and all end in void again. Maybe this time they’ll choose the other. They stepped into their room and looked up at the spiralling cathedral , it’s points unseeable and unknown. 

‘Shit’ they said ‘I’ve forgotten which way is up’

So they spit and found a globule on their face. 

‘Right’

And so they ventured out into the opposite, 

They went out to feel. To feel with their feet the breadth and depth of the place. The chalk the concrete, the clay. The worms writing beneath. The bayleaf plan twisted around their fingers, the rosemary in their hair. The love and fort that such a place had to offer. And what of the other? The others kept their noses down, following the path of their feet. Not once looking up. But looking up is a strange occurrence, you see around you. You see the charity shops and the beggars and the litany of life written out before you. And that’s like… heavy sometimes. Heavy on the soul, heavy on the spirit, heavy on the way you turn your head. It creeps up and rests on the back of your spine until you don’t know why it was ever there. You spare some change, you buy some art. It’s square and modernist. It’s an abstract duck. it’s photos of grandparents that aren’t your own. It’s a wash of strange and fractured things all coalescing into a miasma of something. If you were to put your finger to it, it would disappear. Into the ether, gone for good. Or bad. They weren’t really sure. And so they trudged around the town, looking at the roots of trees, the traffic lights, the telescopic blend between. The two. 

‘New towns mean new beginnings,’ - said stevenage. Gardens make for Cities said Letchworth and Welwyn. Counties and countryside mixed with municipal buildings. Area codes around crossroads that end in 666. There’s always a sense… a brief, catatonic, sense of humour. Unposed but quietly chuckling, quietly making itself known.

‘You stupid git,’ the town said ‘ why do you dwell on things you cannot change, the parts you cannot change. The lights you cannot change, the face you cannot change. Change is inevitable but the change is roadworks, the change is more housing, the joys of Chicago, the rest of London.’ 

Sleep, soundly and still, in you soft mattress laid along the floor, for your cot is yet to arrive and you must make do with blankets and sleeping bags and satchels under your head. Your cooker has not yet arrived so make do with beans from the can. Bread from the bag, butter from the pack. Bring it all together on a low hob that is yet to exist and feed it to your gaping maw. You love it really, the squalor, the destitution. The strange men on street corners asking if you’re alright, if you know your buttons undone. Are you undone? It’s unclear. perhaps. Maybe. Who are you to ask?

They return to their flat. Strangely full of fear and loathing. But perhaps that’s just the wind. They read. They look out the window. They try to see the whole thing before it washes away in silt and rain. The rain again. Turning cold into snow. 

‘That’s new’ they think’

‘That’s interesting’

‘That might pique my curiosity’

And then they settle down to sleep. Deeply, rocked by the passing cars, the youthful shouts of deliquency and the sound of a dripping tap they can’t quite tighten far enough. 

Pt 4

They sleep through the night. A miracle in statistical terms. Do they dream? They might. But what is a dream without the memory of it? What is a story without a listener? What is a tree falling in the forest without an ear to hear it’s sound? What is a sound in a forest without a tree falling? The night passed. No one claimed it wasn’t night. The night passed. People mourned it. The night passed. The morning was the future.

 After breakfast they took things they owned out of boxes they’d borrowed (with no intention of returning). Mantelpieces were populated by ceramic and brass idols. Toothbrushes were placed in a cup on the alter of the sink. Clothes were put inside wardrobes. There was no secret world to be stumbled into. Just wood. And clothes hangers. And mothballs.

 The house began to feel like a home which is always worrying. A home is something you can lose. They visited their neighbours to ask for a cup of sugar. But neither side was sweet. So they drunk their tea unsweetened before going out to explore the town. The church with it’s cemetery full of old stones and new marble. The town hall with a clock that had told the time for longer than some people are remembered. The small shop that sold everything apart from what you wanted. The bus stop that people couldn’t even be bothered to vandalise. 

 “I used to throw nails into airport toilets and no one cared, now I can’t eat an apple without a curtain twitching. What I really want is for people to see me but not care about what I do.”

Pt 5

‘Fuckin’ A’

‘So how long you lived here?’

‘Too long, mate. Too fuckin’ long’

He took a drag of the tightly packed rollup, letting the smoke waft through his fingers, his lungs, his gullet’

‘So fuckin’ long that I remember when this was all trees, when this was all trees. Me and the missus used to go doggin here back in the day. Now we just sit and watch box sets.’

‘Right’ they said

‘Yeah this entire row of housing for rich fucks, popped up like… oh, what, six months ago?’

‘What was there before the trees’

‘Before the trees? Fuck, I dunno mate. Dinosaurs? Megafauna? Minor flora? A bus stop?’ 

The bus stop had always been here, rigid and unmolested by the teens of time.

‘Yeah but after it was trees it was just a Barron estate. Some county cunt came up and replaced the whole lot with dirt. Cut down all the trees, saw off all the animals. Planted identical trees in long pattern rows to give the imitation of a forest. Like I say it was a great dogging spot but now the only dogs that come through here wear little jackets and get groomed so that the fluff doesn’t come home.’

As if on cue, a small tumbling ball of molten dogcoat came meandering past the two of them. Making it’s way to god knows where.

‘So how long you lived here then?’ The man asked, teeth yellow with tar.

‘Fuckin… somewhere between a week and six months, I honestly couldn’t tell you’

‘Yikes’ the man chuckled ‘ yeah stars all blending together after a while, yea?’

;Yeah’ they said. 

It hung in the air like a mobile above a crib. Waiting for any sort of response.

‘Do you do Whizz?’

‘What?’

‘;Whizz, speed.’ 

‘Errr, fuckin’…. No?’

‘Oh I used to be a right wizard back in the day. My mate underneath me used to sell it for bikers. Theyd come in the morning with the gear, come back at five o’clock take it all away. Used to pay his rent to me in speed. Used to take a big teaspoon full of it an stir it into my tea. Joint in the evening to go back to sleep but that was just what we did back then you know? I regret it now. But at the time we was young. We were dumber than bricks.

‘Nah you’re not dumb’

‘Nah, nah, smarter than most of the kids round here but you know what I mean’

‘Yeah I do’

‘You do daft shit in your youth. You look back on it and wonder ...

Why I was ever that stupid, that nieche, that strange. That twisted that absurd.

‘That … fucking. Blockheaded’

‘Right’

The air staled between them, like the world wouldn’t continue to turn until someone said something. They hated this. Almost as much as being perceived. Perception. Someone rip out they eye and grant me knowledge of that which I do not wish to know. 

Pt 6

But whatever words they said would sound wrong. They’d lived all over the country. In all the countries that made up the country. In the country of the country, the village of the country, the town of the country, the city of the country. Everywhere they went they had the wrong voice. Every time they changed their accent they would move somewhere where it wasn’t welcome. They once spent an awkward hour in the back of a taxi stuck pretending to have a local voice. Their terrible impressions making a terrible impression on their driver. Unable to stop once they had begun. Everywhere you go there’s different words for bread. Everywhere you go people eat their chopped up potatoes differently. Sometimes you just want to eat your chips without being chipped away at. Your shoulders get greasy if you keep wearing your food.

 “My father didn’t riot. He got on his bike and looked for work and he kept looking ‘till he found it.” At last the silence was broken. The world continued again.

 “Maybe he should have rioted though. Maybe he should have ridden his bike to somewhere nice. The seaside or a funfare. Maybe he should have searched for something worth finding. I always wanted a golden fleece for example. Or a sword that would make me the ruler of England. Or Wales. Or Scotland. Or Cornwall. Or the Isle of Mann.”

Pt 7

Manannin wrapped his cloak around the island, shrouding it from view. The whole isle was filled with mist and mischief. His sword buried in the hill they called a mountain. Douglas in the mist rose up out of the bay. Wave to the fairies. Peel descended into the fog, marching up hills pat the palm trees and second hand stores and little shops containing knickknacks and door knobs and boots. Finding the old victorian swimming pool, long soaked into the sea, like it was trying to swallow the island back. But Mannanin put this on hold for the little thirty miles of countryside. 

“Ramsey’s not what it used to be, it’s ugly and torn apart by developers. Always developing they are.”

Crowned by hair, raised on bells and jazz, Midas sits on his throne in front of the fire. He’ll hear you out on your quest but he’ll recommend you try the kipper sandwich at the end of the pier. They looked down at their hand. The sandwich was still there, greying and greasy. They unwrapped it from the cellophane and took a bite. Smokey and buttery and full of little bones. They crunched down harder, with defiance. No bone will stop this bitch they thought. 

‘What you eating’

‘Kipper Sarnie’

‘I can smell it from here’

You can smell all sorts from here they thought. You can smell the sea, you can smell the earth, you can smell the distinct smells of gas from the petroleum rainbows that litter the streets from the passing rain. Can you offer me more ? yes. Smoke, twirling in the midday breeze, brighter than the sky. Cycle through Hyde park for a contact high. 

‘Right, I’m off’

‘Off where?’

To find the sword of Damocles, dangled above Loki’s heart or some shit. To find.a Golden Fleece in the fly tipping spot near my flat, to find god in a chip butty. I don’t know, get off my back

‘Your bus hasn’t come yet’

‘Yeah fuckit, i’ll ride’

The freedom of movement that comes from a bike, to trail between towns as fast as your wheels will carry you to become part of a machine, not subjugated behind a wheel but to put both life and limb on the line as you speed through hedgerows and splash through puddles and generally cause a nuisance to all other drivers in the area. 

Narrowly avoiding trucks, narrowly avoiding cars, completely bailing on that one pot hole they didn’t see coming. Totalled, they rolled over onto their back, staring into the cloudy skies. Grey and sunflecked, drizzling slightly. 

‘Maybe I’ll lie here forever’ they thought

‘Maybe I’ll lie forever’

Maybe I’ll lie

Maybe’ 

They groggily return to their feet, fish their bike out of the ditch and roll onwards. forwards. As fast as their legs will carry them and inertia will allow.

 Pt 8

You have to keep moving or you stay in one place. And no one wants that. A pool that doesn’t move is stagnant. A life that doesn’t change is one that’s clogged up with algae and bacteria. The fish die. And not even deep fat frying them will make them taste good.

 A policeman bobbed the beat towards them. The dome on his head was a pot always ready for pregnant women to piss in. The truncheon in his hand always ready to break a few eggs.

 Hello, hello, hello,” he said. “Here is going on.” Then, “Fifty years on from now, Britain will still be the country of long shadows on county grounds, warm beer, invincible green suburbs, dog lovers, and old maids bicycling to Holy Communion through the morning mist.”

 “Thank you officer for your contribution. We’re new here and we don’t want any trouble.”

 “Well if you see any old maids let me know. You never know what gets stolen when the morning mist comes down. There used to be a lot more dogs around here. Someone has been chilling the beer. The shadows on the cricket ground have been shortened. Someone defeated a green suburb a few towns over.”

 “We don’t know about any of that. We’re law abiding citizens.”

 “I’ll be the judge of that,” said the policeman. “Well, not me, but I know all the judges around here, and they listen to what I have to tell ‘em.”

 “It makes us feel so much safer to have you as part of the community.”

 “Just make sure you go straight to holy communion. And make sure no one mistakes you for a nun and you’re sure to fit in.”

Pt 9

Churches, where good folk fear to tread. Heads bowed in solemn silence then gathered around to natter at the end of proceedings. Men in dog collars telling you how to live life. Cringe. At best. The judge, was jury and executioner. They had talked their way in and so they let the ceremony wash over them. They stood up, they sang. They lit their candle, they said ‘peace be with you’ while shaking hands, hands shaking. They solemnly marched up the aisle, no wedding no funeral, just biscuits and wine. Just like Saturday, just like Friday. Wine and wafers. They kneel and the overwhelming tingle moves over them. Practice makes perfect. They kneel quietly as the pastor came round and into open hand placed the body into outstretched palm. Hook it down the gullet before it turns into the big boy himself. And then the priest, wiping the spit away from the last sinner, offers the silver goblet of alcohol to them. They sup, assisted, and it tastes sweet, juicy, soft, metallic and bloody. And the moment of quiet reverie is over and they return to their seat. To think for a moment. To let the lord run rampant through their soul. It’s an alien experience, but a universal one. Knotting together in the pit of their stomach their non belief and quiet exaltation battle it out for the root of their soul. Who knows who wins. But the moment of wine and wafer gave pause for thought...

‘You can buy em in bulk obviously, from amazon, cheap as chips;’

They have to come from somewhere, pre blessed no doubt, 

They lay out Tarot at the foot of their bed, mixing beliefs and mixing drinks

‘Don’t go in for that pagan shit, that’ll fuck you up’

They study the stones pulled up by their ancestors, they draw a card. 

The tower.

Fuck.

That’s a bad omen. Of things falling down, of lightning struck trees, of ruin and resilliance. Built to god and then tumbling back down to earth. 

“See I warned you”

Shut up.

And like that the lights went out. And the building began to shudder, and the earth began to tremble and sooner or later the other took hold. Grabbing at their garments, laughing at their nosing, holding them down under water to see if they would float. But burley arms pulled them up, and lifted them in smoke to a smiling green man who offered them a toke. 

‘You seem lost friend, and far from home. Even though you thought it was beneath your feet al along, Chill, your amongst your own. We have no time for the buildings or the capital or any of that shit. It’s all good baby, it’s all gravy. Just sit back, sit tight and let the love wash over you. Can you feel it? Deep in your bones. You knew we were here the whole time. The druids will take your fall, worship the earth and the weeds and the roots. The gods can’t stop you here. All is peace and change and upheaval. But you’ll get the hang of it, friend. This I know’ The green man let out a long, choking cough, eyes as red as the moon. 

PT 10

A chanting started:

 “Autumn days when the grass is jewelled

And the silk inside a chestnut shell.

Jetplanes meeting in the air to be refuelled.

All these thing I love so well”

 “But it was snowing earlier. I’m pretty sure it’s not autumn.”

 “What is time? What are seasons? What is known? What is unknowable?” the Green Man said through glutteral splutters.

 “Clouds that look like familer face

And the winters moon with frosted rings.

Smell of bacon as I fasten up my laces

And the song the milkman sings”

 “What song does the milkman sing?”

 “Ask not who the milkman sings for, lest the milkman sings for you.” The Green Man looked satisfied with his own answer despite it not connecting with the question.

“Whipped-up spray that is rainbow-scattered

And a swallow curving in the sky

Shoes so comfy though they're worn out and they're battered

And the taste of apple pie.”

 “I remember that song from assemblies. Sitting on wooden floors crossed legged. But I forgot it somehow. Until now. Until it was surrounding me. Chanted by unseen mouths. Brought up from the depths of unseen lungs. Whispered by dragons. Shaped by the tongues of ghosts and angels and fairies.

 “Scent of gardens when the rain's been falling

And a minnow darting down a stream

Picked-up engine that's been stuttering and stalling

And a win for my home team.”

 “Can you have a home team if your home isn’t your home? If you live in a house surrounded by people who don’t want you to join their team? I wondered lonely as a conker smashed by it’s home team. Drenched in pickle juices. Painted with varnish. Chipped and broken. The string snapped.”

 “Silence!” muttered The Green Man. “You cannot combine the existential with the sacred. Not unless you want to incur the wrath of creation. Let the grass grow as it may. Find yourself a garden and build the holy patio.”

PT 11

But he vanished into colour and light, into sight and sound. Into fractals and cobwebs, into sea and surf, into bright and darkness. Into tradition and religion, into chipped nails and broken hooves, into bleeting grass and wafting lambs, into donkeys and Dixie cups and carriges and smog and dust and dirt and all things benevolent. And all things reticent, and all things.. and all things 

AND ALL WAS QUIET!

Save for the bell at the end of the lane that chimed the hour past.

The reverie was lost forever, cryptically broken down as reality seeped back in at the corners of your mouth. And stung like hot sauce on the tip of your tongue and rolled like wostershire down the back of your arm. And all was well and all was quiet and all was as it should be

Except for them. They stood up shakily, wondering what happened? How had they fallen this far and this fast, and without the aid of the things that would usually dorown them. They are a lost child, a lost son and a lost daughter. and now there is no guiding post, no safety net, nothing to grab and claw as they fall downwards into the abyss. And thus they are saved not by themselves, or by the wayning waters of hope but by cold solid ground beneath their backs. They are made whole by the earth that sees them as nothing more than a bloodsac upon it. Nothing more than sinew and bone nothing more. Nothing more. They breathed a sigh of relief to be seen as they are. Rather than seen through the lens of their peers of their neighbours of their gods of their deceit. They are very much … themselves.

For now

At least. 

And the clock kept ticking away at the back of their mind, what’s left to say, what’s left behind. They pulled themselves to their feet once more and went careening as fast as they could to the door and out on the street they bellowed allowed ‘MY NAME IS NOT YOURS AND YOU CANNOT POSESS IT’ - “MY BODY IS NOT YOURS AND YOU CANNOT OWN IT” “MY SOUL IS NOT MINE, IT BELONGS TO THE SEA AND THE SEA IS A PORT IN WHICH I CANNOT BREAETHE’ I cannot breathe. I cannot breathe. Clutching at chest as the air leaves for leaves. To harness the ground and the soil and nutrients of anything that might rise up to meet it. 

So they go back indoors and slam everything down on the table and counter and mostly around the things that they wanted and now they despise like cookers and washers and grills that they buy 

To toast sandwiches for no one but themselves. To make coffee for no one but themselves. To make love with no one but themselves. Life is long, and tedious, and excruciatingly dull when there is no one but yourselves.

And they remember that lightning struck tree. And the bus stop free of that graffitti, and they think of the wizard who’s always on speed and they think back further than they can believe and they are left again with void. With nothing at all and yet that’s what’s there to greet them when they fall.

Come back dear friend, come back and embrace what you once thought was lost but is now always there. 

And the city gloated with pride and with glee that this is the mess that you ended up with. How do you now you piteous fool? Where is your pride when it comes to the fall?

Oh let me alone foul spirits and air. Let me alone concepts and things. Let me alone mown grass and patios and all of the things that won’t leave me alone. Let me snuggle up in a quiet dark hole and  bury me deep with the clay and the coal and let me just weep at the changes I made, before the terminus brings me to be. 

Prayers said to no one for nothing at all. Crimes that are wanton mean nothing at all. Bring me the mounting and bring me the stream and bring me a bottle of wine so I dream of valley in France and grapes from Cali. Of strains that I’ve never head of before. Of things that I couldn’t want for more, Oh death be silent, there’s still so much left.

Pt 12

A town is a place you move away from. And a place you move to. A town is a place you stay your whole life. A town is a place your family has always lived. A town is a place you can never leave. Every town is the same. Every town is unique. A town is created by it’s people. A town is defended by it’s people. A town attacks the people in the next town. A town is cohesion. A town is exclusion.

 When the lone samurai comes to town people are going to lose their heads. When the gunslinger comes to town bullets are going to be fired. When Theseus comes to town you’d better make sure your minotaurs are in their paddocks. You’d better make sure your hearts are tied tightly with threads thicker than spiderwebs. He’s going to find his way to the heart of your mazes no matter how high the hedges grow. He’s going to have women fall in love with him. He’s going to encourage boys to fly with wings that will melt. He’s going to leave. He’s going to only think about himself. He’ll cause fathers to throw themselves from cliffs. He’s going to take everything he can get.

 And they will erect a statue to him in the village square. They will say he was a hero. He was just. He was necessary. Without him we’d have lost to the Nazis. They will say the words he said and the actions he took are just myths you made up to discredit him.

 If you want to live in this town you’d better shag his statue. You’d better respect his stones. You’d better understand that history isn’t for you, it’s for the people who went before and the people who come after. Your job is to do what you’ve been told. To push yourself into the soil. Make your flesh into compost. Your bones into flower pots. From you will grow the new normal. From you will grow the status quo.

 And the people will rejoice.

 A town is a place. People make places. You are a person. All is as it should be. Just relax. Don’t think. Keep moving. Keep forgetting. And one day maybe you will be a statue or a flag or a cobblestone.

 Home is where the heart is. But that doesn’t mean the heart is alive. Carnivores feast on flesh. It’s the only way for them to survive.

[ungracefulswan-blog]

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

The champagne toast has to be among the most universal wedding traditions, almost as common as a bride wearing white. But thanks to loosening restrictions on marijuana in states across the U.S., toasting with a bong hit is fast becoming the new trend.

California newlyweds Serena and Jeff Baleja hosted their own “weed wedding” in September, and for them, nothing could have been more appropriate.

“We smoke together so regularly, it just seemed weird to have a wedding without [weed],” Serena told HelloGiggles in a recent interview. Her husband Jeff added, “It's legal, we want to make sure that we can enjoy our rights.”

As cannabis slowly becomes legal in states across the country-recreational weed is currently legal in some form in nine states and Washington, D.C.-more and more couples are including weed in their weddings in the same way that alcohol has traditionally been a part of these celebrations. The trend is becoming so popular, in fact, that cannabis wedding expos are popping up around the country. Interestingly, some couples-including the Balejas-are looking to marijuana not only as a refreshment, but also as inspiration for many big-day details, from the food and drink to the decor.

If you're imagining that the Balejas got married inside some sort of smoke den, erase that mental image-that's not at all what their weed wedding looked like. Serena described her big day as a “vintage Bollywood”-themed event at Frank Sinatra's old house in the Hollywood Hills, and from the pictures, it looks exactly like what you'd think of if you pictured a traditional wedding: flowers, white dress, scenic backdrops. However, marijuana leaves were used to enhance bouquets and boutonnieres, and the couple's dessert menu was weed-heavy.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Weed consumption happened mostly during the reception: The couple had a weed bar, which included a rolling station, a dab station, edibles, and “budtenders” to serve guests. The couple still had alcohol at the reception for guests who didn't want to indulge in cannabis, but the weed was definitely the hit of the night.

“Weed was just an element where it's more interesting than alcohol where you can experience it more, if that makes sense. So that was more like, 'Let's give this experience to our guests that the've never had before,'” Jeff said.

Serena added, “We've both lost parents to alcohol so we kind of, we don't drink as much alcohol as we used to.”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

As for their parents, only Serena's mom questioned the couple's decision to celebrate with marijuana. “I think my mom was saying something like, 'Are you sure you want to do this? Because you're going to have to look at the pictures forever and you might regret it when you're older.' But I kind of look at it as, I'm definitely always gonna be smoking weed, especially when I'm older,” Serena said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

To plan their dream wedding, the Balejas enlisted the help of Jamie McCormick, aka “The Flower Daddy,” a wedding planner they met at a weed wedding expo. He helped them source a cannabis wedding cake and a cannabis-infused chocolate fountain; the cannabis-infused gelato that Jeff sells in Los Angeles was also on the couple's dessert menu. The night before the wedding, the couple and their guests enjoyed a dinner infused with cannabis, too. And, knowing that marijuana can make some users sleepy, the couple and their planner made sure to provide plenty of lounge areas where guests could rest or nap. “I think the worst that happened was someone just fell asleep on one of the hammocks, but that's what they were there for,” Serena said.

The couple even incorporated marijuana into their vows in a creative way. “After we said our vows and I gave her her first kiss, I had two joints hidden in my jacket and we had our minister spark up our joints together as we finished our vows,” Jeff told HG.

Serena added, “She said, 'You may now smoke with the bride,' and that was a surprise for me…I couldn't have been happier because I was so stressed up to that point and then we had a smoke and I was like 'aahh.'”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Overall, the couple loved the chill vibe of the wedding and said that its low stress level fit their style well. “I'm the only bride I know that had a relaxing time [at the wedding] and wasn't like going crazy or stressing out about random things,” Serena said.

As you can imagine, Jeff and Serena passionately believe that marijuana doesn't deserve the stigma it has in certain places. “On a global scale, this prohibition needs to end,” Jeff said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

The California duo encourages any couple that smokes together and with friends to incorporate weed into their wedding (if you live in a place where it's legal), and said that nobody should feel shame doing so. “If you smoke weed with your partner, you would love it,” Serena said. Who knows, by 2020 everyone's wedding receptions could include budtenders.

The post This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[fuckyeahslightlyamusing-blog]

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

The champagne toast has to be among the most universal wedding traditions, almost as common as a bride wearing white. But thanks to loosening restrictions on marijuana in states across the U.S., toasting with a bong hit is fast becoming the new trend.

California newlyweds Serena and Jeff Baleja hosted their own “weed wedding” in September, and for them, nothing could have been more appropriate.

“We smoke together so regularly, it just seemed weird to have a wedding without [weed],” Serena told HelloGiggles in a recent interview. Her husband Jeff added, “It's legal, we want to make sure that we can enjoy our rights.”

As cannabis slowly becomes legal in states across the country-recreational weed is currently legal in some form in nine states and Washington, D.C.-more and more couples are including weed in their weddings in the same way that alcohol has traditionally been a part of these celebrations. The trend is becoming so popular, in fact, that cannabis wedding expos are popping up around the country. Interestingly, some couples-including the Balejas-are looking to marijuana not only as a refreshment, but also as inspiration for many big-day details, from the food and drink to the decor.

If you're imagining that the Balejas got married inside some sort of smoke den, erase that mental image-that's not at all what their weed wedding looked like. Serena described her big day as a “vintage Bollywood”-themed event at Frank Sinatra's old house in the Hollywood Hills, and from the pictures, it looks exactly like what you'd think of if you pictured a traditional wedding: flowers, white dress, scenic backdrops. However, marijuana leaves were used to enhance bouquets and boutonnieres, and the couple's dessert menu was weed-heavy.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Weed consumption happened mostly during the reception: The couple had a weed bar, which included a rolling station, a dab station, edibles, and “budtenders” to serve guests. The couple still had alcohol at the reception for guests who didn't want to indulge in cannabis, but the weed was definitely the hit of the night.

“Weed was just an element where it's more interesting than alcohol where you can experience it more, if that makes sense. So that was more like, 'Let's give this experience to our guests that the've never had before,'” Jeff said.

Serena added, “We've both lost parents to alcohol so we kind of, we don't drink as much alcohol as we used to.”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

As for their parents, only Serena's mom questioned the couple's decision to celebrate with marijuana. “I think my mom was saying something like, 'Are you sure you want to do this? Because you're going to have to look at the pictures forever and you might regret it when you're older.' But I kind of look at it as, I'm definitely always gonna be smoking weed, especially when I'm older,” Serena said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

To plan their dream wedding, the Balejas enlisted the help of Jamie McCormick, aka “The Flower Daddy,” a wedding planner they met at a weed wedding expo. He helped them source a cannabis wedding cake and a cannabis-infused chocolate fountain; the cannabis-infused gelato that Jeff sells in Los Angeles was also on the couple's dessert menu. The night before the wedding, the couple and their guests enjoyed a dinner infused with cannabis, too. And, knowing that marijuana can make some users sleepy, the couple and their planner made sure to provide plenty of lounge areas where guests could rest or nap. “I think the worst that happened was someone just fell asleep on one of the hammocks, but that's what they were there for,” Serena said.

The couple even incorporated marijuana into their vows in a creative way. “After we said our vows and I gave her her first kiss, I had two joints hidden in my jacket and we had our minister spark up our joints together as we finished our vows,” Jeff told HG.

Serena added, “She said, 'You may now smoke with the bride,' and that was a surprise for me…I couldn't have been happier because I was so stressed up to that point and then we had a smoke and I was like 'aahh.'”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Overall, the couple loved the chill vibe of the wedding and said that its low stress level fit their style well. “I'm the only bride I know that had a relaxing time [at the wedding] and wasn't like going crazy or stressing out about random things,” Serena said.

As you can imagine, Jeff and Serena passionately believe that marijuana doesn't deserve the stigma it has in certain places. “On a global scale, this prohibition needs to end,” Jeff said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

The California duo encourages any couple that smokes together and with friends to incorporate weed into their wedding (if you live in a place where it's legal), and said that nobody should feel shame doing so. “If you smoke weed with your partner, you would love it,” Serena said. Who knows, by 2020 everyone's wedding receptions could include budtenders.

The post This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[dragons-in-bowties-blog]

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

The champagne toast has to be among the most universal wedding traditions, almost as common as a bride wearing white. But thanks to loosening restrictions on marijuana in states across the U.S., toasting with a bong hit is fast becoming the new trend.

California newlyweds Serena and Jeff Baleja hosted their own “weed wedding” in September, and for them, nothing could have been more appropriate.

“We smoke together so regularly, it just seemed weird to have a wedding without [weed],” Serena told HelloGiggles in a recent interview. Her husband Jeff added, “It's legal, we want to make sure that we can enjoy our rights.”

As cannabis slowly becomes legal in states across the country-recreational weed is currently legal in some form in nine states and Washington, D.C.-more and more couples are including weed in their weddings in the same way that alcohol has traditionally been a part of these celebrations. The trend is becoming so popular, in fact, that cannabis wedding expos are popping up around the country. Interestingly, some couples-including the Balejas-are looking to marijuana not only as a refreshment, but also as inspiration for many big-day details, from the food and drink to the decor.

If you're imagining that the Balejas got married inside some sort of smoke den, erase that mental image-that's not at all what their weed wedding looked like. Serena described her big day as a “vintage Bollywood”-themed event at Frank Sinatra's old house in the Hollywood Hills, and from the pictures, it looks exactly like what you'd think of if you pictured a traditional wedding: flowers, white dress, scenic backdrops. However, marijuana leaves were used to enhance bouquets and boutonnieres, and the couple's dessert menu was weed-heavy.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Weed consumption happened mostly during the reception: The couple had a weed bar, which included a rolling station, a dab station, edibles, and “budtenders” to serve guests. The couple still had alcohol at the reception for guests who didn't want to indulge in cannabis, but the weed was definitely the hit of the night.

“Weed was just an element where it's more interesting than alcohol where you can experience it more, if that makes sense. So that was more like, 'Let's give this experience to our guests that the've never had before,'” Jeff said.

Serena added, “We've both lost parents to alcohol so we kind of, we don't drink as much alcohol as we used to.”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

As for their parents, only Serena's mom questioned the couple's decision to celebrate with marijuana. “I think my mom was saying something like, 'Are you sure you want to do this? Because you're going to have to look at the pictures forever and you might regret it when you're older.' But I kind of look at it as, I'm definitely always gonna be smoking weed, especially when I'm older,” Serena said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

To plan their dream wedding, the Balejas enlisted the help of Jamie McCormick, aka “The Flower Daddy,” a wedding planner they met at a weed wedding expo. He helped them source a cannabis wedding cake and a cannabis-infused chocolate fountain; the cannabis-infused gelato that Jeff sells in Los Angeles was also on the couple's dessert menu. The night before the wedding, the couple and their guests enjoyed a dinner infused with cannabis, too. And, knowing that marijuana can make some users sleepy, the couple and their planner made sure to provide plenty of lounge areas where guests could rest or nap. “I think the worst that happened was someone just fell asleep on one of the hammocks, but that's what they were there for,” Serena said.

The couple even incorporated marijuana into their vows in a creative way. “After we said our vows and I gave her her first kiss, I had two joints hidden in my jacket and we had our minister spark up our joints together as we finished our vows,” Jeff told HG.

Serena added, “She said, 'You may now smoke with the bride,' and that was a surprise for me…I couldn't have been happier because I was so stressed up to that point and then we had a smoke and I was like 'aahh.'”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Overall, the couple loved the chill vibe of the wedding and said that its low stress level fit their style well. “I'm the only bride I know that had a relaxing time [at the wedding] and wasn't like going crazy or stressing out about random things,” Serena said.

As you can imagine, Jeff and Serena passionately believe that marijuana doesn't deserve the stigma it has in certain places. “On a global scale, this prohibition needs to end,” Jeff said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

The California duo encourages any couple that smokes together and with friends to incorporate weed into their wedding (if you live in a place where it's legal), and said that nobody should feel shame doing so. “If you smoke weed with your partner, you would love it,” Serena said. Who knows, by 2020 everyone's wedding receptions could include budtenders.

The post This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[tothe-tooth-blog]

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

The champagne toast has to be among the most universal wedding traditions, almost as common as a bride wearing white. But thanks to loosening restrictions on marijuana in states across the U.S., toasting with a bong hit is fast becoming the new trend.

California newlyweds Serena and Jeff Baleja hosted their own “weed wedding” in September, and for them, nothing could have been more appropriate.

“We smoke together so regularly, it just seemed weird to have a wedding without [weed],” Serena told HelloGiggles in a recent interview. Her husband Jeff added, “It's legal, we want to make sure that we can enjoy our rights.”

As cannabis slowly becomes legal in states across the country-recreational weed is currently legal in some form in nine states and Washington, D.C.-more and more couples are including weed in their weddings in the same way that alcohol has traditionally been a part of these celebrations. The trend is becoming so popular, in fact, that cannabis wedding expos are popping up around the country. Interestingly, some couples-including the Balejas-are looking to marijuana not only as a refreshment, but also as inspiration for many big-day details, from the food and drink to the decor.

If you're imagining that the Balejas got married inside some sort of smoke den, erase that mental image-that's not at all what their weed wedding looked like. Serena described her big day as a “vintage Bollywood”-themed event at Frank Sinatra's old house in the Hollywood Hills, and from the pictures, it looks exactly like what you'd think of if you pictured a traditional wedding: flowers, white dress, scenic backdrops. However, marijuana leaves were used to enhance bouquets and boutonnieres, and the couple's dessert menu was weed-heavy.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Weed consumption happened mostly during the reception: The couple had a weed bar, which included a rolling station, a dab station, edibles, and “budtenders” to serve guests. The couple still had alcohol at the reception for guests who didn't want to indulge in cannabis, but the weed was definitely the hit of the night.

“Weed was just an element where it's more interesting than alcohol where you can experience it more, if that makes sense. So that was more like, 'Let's give this experience to our guests that the've never had before,'” Jeff said.

Serena added, “We've both lost parents to alcohol so we kind of, we don't drink as much alcohol as we used to.”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

As for their parents, only Serena's mom questioned the couple's decision to celebrate with marijuana. “I think my mom was saying something like, 'Are you sure you want to do this? Because you're going to have to look at the pictures forever and you might regret it when you're older.' But I kind of look at it as, I'm definitely always gonna be smoking weed, especially when I'm older,” Serena said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

To plan their dream wedding, the Balejas enlisted the help of Jamie McCormick, aka “The Flower Daddy,” a wedding planner they met at a weed wedding expo. He helped them source a cannabis wedding cake and a cannabis-infused chocolate fountain; the cannabis-infused gelato that Jeff sells in Los Angeles was also on the couple's dessert menu. The night before the wedding, the couple and their guests enjoyed a dinner infused with cannabis, too. And, knowing that marijuana can make some users sleepy, the couple and their planner made sure to provide plenty of lounge areas where guests could rest or nap. “I think the worst that happened was someone just fell asleep on one of the hammocks, but that's what they were there for,” Serena said.

The couple even incorporated marijuana into their vows in a creative way. “After we said our vows and I gave her her first kiss, I had two joints hidden in my jacket and we had our minister spark up our joints together as we finished our vows,” Jeff told HG.

Serena added, “She said, 'You may now smoke with the bride,' and that was a surprise for me…I couldn't have been happier because I was so stressed up to that point and then we had a smoke and I was like 'aahh.'”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Overall, the couple loved the chill vibe of the wedding and said that its low stress level fit their style well. “I'm the only bride I know that had a relaxing time [at the wedding] and wasn't like going crazy or stressing out about random things,” Serena said.

As you can imagine, Jeff and Serena passionately believe that marijuana doesn't deserve the stigma it has in certain places. “On a global scale, this prohibition needs to end,” Jeff said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

The California duo encourages any couple that smokes together and with friends to incorporate weed into their wedding (if you live in a place where it's legal), and said that nobody should feel shame doing so. “If you smoke weed with your partner, you would love it,” Serena said. Who knows, by 2020 everyone's wedding receptions could include budtenders.

The post This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[inkundu1]

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding

The champagne toast has to be among the most universal wedding traditions, almost as common as a bride wearing white. But thanks to loosening restrictions on marijuana in states across the U.S., toasting with a bong hit is fast becoming the new trend.

California newlyweds Serena and Jeff Baleja hosted their own “weed wedding” in September, and for them, nothing could have been more appropriate.

“We smoke together so regularly, it just seemed weird to have a wedding without [weed],” Serena told HelloGiggles in a recent interview. Her husband Jeff added, “It's legal, we want to make sure that we can enjoy our rights.”

As cannabis slowly becomes legal in states across the country-recreational weed is currently legal in some form in nine states and Washington, D.C.-more and more couples are including weed in their weddings in the same way that alcohol has traditionally been a part of these celebrations. The trend is becoming so popular, in fact, that cannabis wedding expos are popping up around the country. Interestingly, some couples-including the Balejas-are looking to marijuana not only as a refreshment, but also as inspiration for many big-day details, from the food and drink to the decor.

If you're imagining that the Balejas got married inside some sort of smoke den, erase that mental image-that's not at all what their weed wedding looked like. Serena described her big day as a “vintage Bollywood”-themed event at Frank Sinatra's old house in the Hollywood Hills, and from the pictures, it looks exactly like what you'd think of if you pictured a traditional wedding: flowers, white dress, scenic backdrops. However, marijuana leaves were used to enhance bouquets and boutonnieres, and the couple's dessert menu was weed-heavy.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Weed consumption happened mostly during the reception: The couple had a weed bar, which included a rolling station, a dab station, edibles, and “budtenders” to serve guests. The couple still had alcohol at the reception for guests who didn't want to indulge in cannabis, but the weed was definitely the hit of the night.

“Weed was just an element where it's more interesting than alcohol where you can experience it more, if that makes sense. So that was more like, 'Let's give this experience to our guests that the've never had before,'” Jeff said.

Serena added, “We've both lost parents to alcohol so we kind of, we don't drink as much alcohol as we used to.”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

As for their parents, only Serena's mom questioned the couple's decision to celebrate with marijuana. “I think my mom was saying something like, 'Are you sure you want to do this? Because you're going to have to look at the pictures forever and you might regret it when you're older.' But I kind of look at it as, I'm definitely always gonna be smoking weed, especially when I'm older,” Serena said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

To plan their dream wedding, the Balejas enlisted the help of Jamie McCormick, aka “The Flower Daddy,” a wedding planner they met at a weed wedding expo. He helped them source a cannabis wedding cake and a cannabis-infused chocolate fountain; the cannabis-infused gelato that Jeff sells in Los Angeles was also on the couple's dessert menu. The night before the wedding, the couple and their guests enjoyed a dinner infused with cannabis, too. And, knowing that marijuana can make some users sleepy, the couple and their planner made sure to provide plenty of lounge areas where guests could rest or nap. “I think the worst that happened was someone just fell asleep on one of the hammocks, but that's what they were there for,” Serena said.

The couple even incorporated marijuana into their vows in a creative way. “After we said our vows and I gave her her first kiss, I had two joints hidden in my jacket and we had our minister spark up our joints together as we finished our vows,” Jeff told HG.

Serena added, “She said, 'You may now smoke with the bride,' and that was a surprise for me…I couldn't have been happier because I was so stressed up to that point and then we had a smoke and I was like 'aahh.'”

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

Overall, the couple loved the chill vibe of the wedding and said that its low stress level fit their style well. “I'm the only bride I know that had a relaxing time [at the wedding] and wasn't like going crazy or stressing out about random things,” Serena said.

As you can imagine, Jeff and Serena passionately believe that marijuana doesn't deserve the stigma it has in certain places. “On a global scale, this prohibition needs to end,” Jeff said.

Alanna You/Interstellar Image

The California duo encourages any couple that smokes together and with friends to incorporate weed into their wedding (if you live in a place where it's legal), and said that nobody should feel shame doing so. “If you smoke weed with your partner, you would love it,” Serena said. Who knows, by 2020 everyone's wedding receptions could include budtenders.

The post This California couple gave us an inside look at their weed-themed wedding appeared first on HelloGiggles.