#also how dare you not be more understanding of the fact that I completely betrayed your trust

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

The New Titans #55 (1989)

Batman (2010-) #641

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Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016-) #6

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Batman and Red Hood (2011-) #20

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Batman (2016-) #138

They sure do bAT&Tman. They sure as hell do.

Yet Jason never thought this way about you.

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji unintentionally projecting his daddy issues onto usopp and his father. Once usopp told him about his dad leaving he instantly got beef with yasopp because how dare this man leave the sweetest boy on that island. How dare he leave without looking back.

When Usopp and yasopp do reunite it's nice. A lot of hugs, lots of tears (for some reason Franky is crying the hardest). Last time yasopp saw his son he was a little kid so he's trying to get to know his kid and catch up. He also acts like such a dad asking him if he's eaten yet, Tell him to get a jacket before going out and tries to control his sleep schedule. Usopp is annoyed by this for many reasons and made the mistake of venting to sanji.

Sanji being a protective boyfriend and also traumatized he assumed the worst. Yasopp thinks he's weak, He thinks he's worthless. He thinks he's not good enough to be on his crew or worthy to be a pirate. He thinks he's an embarrassment a mistake. That's what he thinks! How dare he think that! just because he's not a pirate of an emperor and he doesn't have advanced haki He's not worthy of being a pirate?!!!

Of course, none of those thoughts are true. Usopp It's just annoying that his dad is on his case all the time and seems to be overbearing. He gets that the last time he saw him he was seven so it made sense back then to be lecturing him about taking a bath But come on now. He's almost 20. There's no need to do that anymore he wants his dad to see him as a man.

He confronts his father and tells him his true feelings. He's glad that he's back in his life and He does want a father son relationship but he also wants to be seen as an adult and a pirate. He's not helpless he hasn't been helpless in years. He had to take care of himself for years. (they also talked about Banchina which causes a lot more tears for them) yasopp understands and admits that he was going a little overboard. He's aware that his son a very competent, confident and strong pirate...... but he's still his baby you know! You never you never stop wanting to protect your child even if they can protect themselves, it's just instinct.

While they're having this intimate talk sanji is listening in on them. If usopp didn't walk in on time he was about to beat yasopp's ass ( I don't think he would have won.... maybe I don't know)

He also watched them do target practice. Yasopp let him use his gun for the first time he's so proud

This is so real. It's, like, the only reason I say Sanji wouldn't like Yasopp. I think Sanji is very overprotective with the crew when it comes to their parents or, just when it comes to parenting/family in general because he had a shitty experience (shitty is an understatement, but yeah) and when he learned what a true family was (Sora, Zeff, the strawhats...) he promised himself to never let other people go through what he had to experience.

Usopp feels a bit betrayed and insecure when it comes to his dad but he understands why he had to go and admires him for it, and he's aware that Yasopp loves him. So after a few moments together and a bit of bonding, they pretty much get along. Yasopp can't fix all the times Usopp has missed him, but at least they can write their future together. Sanji doesn't quite understand this because he should be furious at him! He should be resentful! He's being too good on him! And it's funny, because Sanji is nothing but forgiving and kind and the guy saved the Vinsmokes for no reason other than the fact they were his family, even if he didn't owe them shit. But he still has a bit of resentment towards them he will never say out loud, so he ends up projecting on other people. Basically, he never let himself hate the Vinsmokes completely because he was too kind towards them and now every time he encounters a father/son complex bond, it makes his skin crawl.

Besides, he loves Usopp so much,, He knows how hurt he is and how easily he gets insecure. He doesn't want him to go through all of this alone. He's afraid he mind end up getting hurt. Sue him for wanting to protect his boyfriend, idk...

Also, he's a bit jealous once he learns/sees that Yasopp and Usopp are getting along. It's a bit unfair that he's the only one with the shitty dad and hating his shitty family and- And don't get him wrong! He's so glad Usopp is happy with his dad. But he thought that maybe this once somebody would understand him. He ends up forgiving Yasopp and supporting his boyfriend's decisions, of course, but the pang in his chest is still there.

You know who would've understood Sanji? Yamato. And I will always be forever mad they never got an scene together like that. Yamato and Ace. These three really needed to talk about their daddy issues with somebody who understood them.

[balladofmyramblings]

One BOSAS take that really gets on my nerves is the idea that Coriolanus never loved Lucy Gray. While there are some points to make for it, there’s a lot more to say about the story as a whole when you see it through the lens that he did.

Number one: The idea that Coriolanus never loved Lucy Gray makes zero sense and completely undermines how his relationship with her shaped his relationship with power, and his personality in general.

Let’s first look at the “present” (the main time BOSAS took place). Coriolanus is immediately attracted and drawn towards her, and continues flirting with her later. He enjoys the kiss before the games very much, and literally gives her his mothers compact. He also says that he’s never felt that way about anyone else before, so even if what he feels isn’t actually love (and who are we to decide?) if he thinks it is/was that’s good enough, because it influences how he feels about the whole thing in the end. These examples aren’t enough to conclude, as love is based on way more than just desire, so let’s continue.

Now, the “future” (after the huge fight, and the rest of the years up until Katniss’ games). This proves so much more than the “present” stuff. Firstly, there’s the fact Coriolanus was willing/ready to spend the rest of his life with her, if he hadn’t been accepted into officers school. You can still love people and put your career first, which is what he did.

He was also happy that Lucy Gray believed they were written in the stars and therefore forever intertwined (which they pretty much were), which if you didn’t love someone would be a pretty heavy thing to be told and put a lot of pressure on the relationship as a whole. Instead, he sees as a positive, even if he doesn’t believe it and the reason why is kinda weird.

Coriolanus, again, had never really been in love or even a relationship. The only other mention of past romance we get from him is a dare that Festus put him up to, involving lots of posca and some encounter behind an alleyway that got him the reputation of a player. That’s it. This whole romance thing is pretty new for him, so even if he wasn’t actually in love, he thought he was, and that means the same for him.

Let’s look at how it means the same for him. It’s gonna be quick (I think). Coriolanus vows to never love again. He hates the control it has over him. This alone is enough to convince me he truly loved her- the fact that he nearly went with her to live alone in the wilderness (although the fact he could’ve been arrested probs helped some too). He was well aware of what him loving her cost him, and that’s enough to convince me he did.

I see a lot of people quote the fact that he was unloving towards the fact that that he never loved at all, but we have to look at that as cause and effect instead of seeing it as the same wavelength if that makes sense. Like because he loved her, he knows not to love again, NOT he won’t ever love so he never loved her. Plus, we know he’s capable of love due to Tigris, we just also know he doesn’t value it and cares about his career more, due to Tigris again.

Also, I’d like to add on the fact that Coriolanus was excited to see Lucy Gray at the hob, wanted to spend time with her, and met her family. Like yeah these don’t mean love, but some of y’all are out here painting this idea that he never even liked her and that’s just SO wrong compared to love, which at least has a lot of layers and I can understand both sides.

We also know Coriolanus, after Lucy Gray “betrayed” him, says that he should marry someone he has no chance of loving. So, he did love her because he learned his lesson about love in general from her. He learned that he will always choose the capitol/power over love (how Lucy Gray shaped his relationship with those feelings and made them more clear), and that he really did love power lol.

In conclusion, while his feelings were clearly complicated, he did love Lucy Gray, and that shaped a lot of the story, both his own and Lucy Gray’s.

[hiemaldesirae]

Tis Thorn:

After The 2nd extermination and battle with Heaven, the Hotel gets another sinner. Everyone is extremely happy with this (well Alastor couldn't careless, except for how entertaining this sinner could be--and how he could use them to bug his Muse).

However...once VOX catches sight of this sinner...it's over. This sinner is his killer after all, and while Vox did leave a mortal blow on him as well (multiple blows, to be exact--Vox had poisoned his knives, during their fight. But the sinner had still popped Vox's head like a grape, so while Vox's death was quick the new hazbin's was an agonizing's six month long ordeal.)

So the Vees start ignoring the hotel and everyone in it. Angel Dust doesn't get called in--which at first he likes and is happy about. Until he starts running out of money. Which has never happened before with Val--the cash has always flowed, but so has the texts and calls...now, theres nothing.

Vox isn't following Alastor around at all, or paying him any attention either. He's hurt and pissed off. How dare Alastor help redeem his killer? Fuck the radio demon. Fuck the hazbin hotel. But especially Fuck Alastor and everything they ever had together.

OH. oh.... thorn your brain... humongus. ginormous. i endorse this idea 100% im crying screaming throwing up puking at this.genuinely tweaking rn what the hell

thinking... in the case that vox and husk had a familial relationship before he got contracted to alastor, he probably feels even MORE betrayed because now his pseudo father figure is also supporting his killer. fuck can you imagine. the horror that morphs into rage and anger when he realizes just who the new sinner at the hotel is

alastor probably doesnt understand why vox has been avoiding him at first, so he probably tries to send his shadow to go see why at first but when that gets turned away, he turns to angel, who for all intents and purposes is both elated to be left alone by valentino but also completely banned from the whole of the entertainment district for some reason. when they show up to ask why, charlie in tow, theyre informed by voxs quivering assistants that everyone associated with the hazbin hotel has been banned from the premises, before valentino and velvette come bursting through the doors and chases them out. alastor *almost* gets into a fight with them, but velvette manages to snatch him by the lapels and scream at him and call him a heartless bastard- at least, if youre fed up with voxs attention just tell him to fuck off like a normal person, you dont need to fraternize with the man who butchered and murdered him

and suddenly it all clicks with the fact that the new sinner at the hotel's stories, why he said he wouldn't be going with them to the entertainment district-- but then alastor, with his (sometimes annoyingly so) keen nose smells the scent of said sinner in the vees building and knows nearly instinctively that the bastard is headed for *his* vox's office, and without even a second thought he gives chase

[beevean]

A but of an inconclusive rant that makes more sense in my head.

“Humanization” seems to have become a synonim for “adding positive/likeable traits to a character”...

But it’s not necessarily that?

For example, when I write Hector, I add more negative traits to him. I wrote him being mean to Isaac, aiming at his insecurities when he’s fed up with him. I wrote him being condescending to Rosaly, looking down on her for being too pious for him (he gets better lol). I wrote him having zero empathy for humans at first, not even understanding the concept that children are supposedly innocent. I emphasized how self-centered his heel face turn started out. I keep repeating that I'd love to see more of the coldhearted General Hector who committed war crimes in the name of a genocidial Dark Lord. And I even praised two parts of N!Hector: the fact that he himself burned his own parents, unlike in canon where the animals/demons did it for him, and the fact that he saw humans as animals to be culled, but without a hint of resentment, almost out of innocent pity.

Isn’t that humanization too? Isn’t that fleshing out a character? Or does it count only when it’s time to give an unrepentant manchild of a villain sudden fatherly emotions?

Speaking of Eggman, you know what also counts as humanizing him for me?

Eggman loves amusement parks and circuses. There is no deeper reason for it, no secret childhood trauma. He enjoys creating colorful places and if they can be used to exercise control, all the better. It’s his unique way to shape the world. It’s a character trait that he doesn’t need, but he has it, and it fleshes him out.

And you know what else humanizes him? The Egg Memo where he complains that Maria stole the spotlight from him because she dared to be ill and be killed. He’s jealous and selfish and insensitive and constantly seeking attention - aren’t those human traits too? Can’t they be relatable too, as much as we wouldn’t like to admit it?

Another villain who got humanized in a negative way is Isaac in the MF manga. Once again, I link to my analysis of that scene (bottom of the post) where he killed his own underlings because he wanted to disobey Dracula’s direct orders, all while thinking of himself as his most loyal servant, in a brilliant display of hypocrisy and denial that IMO makes him even more interesting. From the same manga, I also am still not over that one page where he shows fear over being approached by his caretaker (?): however you interpret it, whether it’s a reaction to nearly dying, to losing his master and home, or to being betrayed by Hector, this is a human reaction, albeit a negative one.

On the flip side, what about Sonic? Does Sonic need to be humanized by making him more of a jerk? Or, god forbid, by adding a completely unnecessary moral “dilemma”? Or is the fact that this speedster actually loves sitting down and reading books enough to give him more depth? Or the fact that he loves nature, or the fact that he is both empathetic and has a noticeable ego that sometimes gets him into trouble? I think it is. Sonic is a simple character at his core, but he has so many cute quirks that he ends up being both an inspiration, which is what he’s meant to be, and endearing :)

“Humanization” means writing a character in such a way that they’d feel human, like people you could meet in real life. It doesn’t mean “adding more palatable traits”. Humans are not inherently good, nor they are inherently evil, they are simply complex. You can write the meanest bastard in the world, you can write the goodiest hero with the most unshakeable heart, and if you add extra traits like tastes or quirks, and if you can make them fit with their core characterization, that counts as writing them as human.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Hi, I'm back, I have been rotating chapter 3 in my head all day.

...I'm Yours by Alessia Cara is Jam in this chapter to me...

Ooooooooooo another song to listen to awawawawwawa.

And damnit, the lyrics are perfect now I have to do a whole analysis on how they link up to Sorry it's locked lmao /nm

Andddd, this has turned out way too long. As always I swear. It's a whole damn essay, I'm so sorry, this fic has rotted my brain and I can't not babble everything I have about it. So:

SO lyrics.

Some nerve you have To break up my lonely And tell me you want me How dare you march into my heart Oh how rude of you To ruin my miserable And tell me I'm beautiful 'Cause I wasn't looking for love no

Obviously, Jay starts out reeeeeaaaaaally not wanting to fall in love again, not wanting to fall in love with Tim because of everything that happened with Alex. But he's also aware that he and Tim are kinda dancing around each other and that Tim is actively, though quietly, trying to make Jay realise that he likes him. Obviously Jay's a traumatised dumbass so to begin with didn't realise Tim actually liked him, and just thought it was a purely sexual thing, like what he had with Alex. Then he realised it was more than that and that scared him so he decided he wouldn't let himself get close with Tim in that way for fear of getting hurt.

Then, obviously, the "ruin my miserable and tell me I'm beautiful" bit is when Tim finally decided to say fuck it and tell Jay he likes him because Jesus Christ this man is either incredibly oblivious or purposefully dense. (it's a bit of both). The "how rude" part to me is about Jay feeling like Tim was lying when he said he likes how Jay looks, to make him feel better so that it'd hurt even more when Tim leaves him.

Nobody asked you to get me attached to you In fact you tricked me And I wasn't trying to fall in love But boy you pushed me

Basically about Jay feeling kind of like it's Tim's fault that he fell for him, like, not in a malicious way, just Jay kind of feeling perturbed by the fact that even given their situation Tim was and is still willing to try and make it work, to be kind and gentle with Jay. I don't know how to explain it, like, Tim flirting overtly, and also just generally being quietly caring and stuff, looking after Jay when he was out of it, encouraging him to get help too etc.

Jay almost feels betrayed by the fact that he's fallen in love again. Betrayed by himself, betrayed by Tim, even though he doesn't understand why he feels betrayed by Tim. It's just one of those muddled up feelings you get sometimes when your brain is panicking and just throwing out every thought and feeling to try and rationalise it. The actual reasoning is that Jay's subconsciously kinda assuming that Tim knows everything he knows (even though logically he knows he can't) about what happened with Alex. Which means that the fact that Tim is being so kind and caring and kinda flirting etc, makes Jay's brain feel like Tim's ignoring the fact that Jay doesn't want to fall in love again. Even though logically he knows Tim can't know he doesn't want to fall in love again. Y'know?

Tim's been quietly, gently, respectfully, pushing Jay's boundaries, like with the walking around shirtless etc. If Jay asked him to stop, even slightly insinuated he was uncomfortable with it externally, he'd tone it all the way back or stop completely, whatever Jay needs. But it's like that thing of challenging your behaviours so you can get over them. Tim's challenging Jay's fear of intimacy and commitment, but still trying to let Jay be the one to make that first move. (Tho eventually he does kinda give him a little nudge in the right direction, because jesus Jay is emotionally constipated)

You know that video of a dam being opened for the first time in ages? And it, like, starts off slow and there's sooooooo much much and silt and rubble, and then it gets faster and faster until it's just power washing the valley thing it's in? That's Jay's emotions. Nothing nothing nothing EVERYTHING! TAKE COVER!!! That's what happened when he just broke down and blurted everything out to Tim in chapter 3.

So all that I'm asking Is that you handle me with caution 'Cause I don't give myself often But I guess I'll try today

This bit is kind of more about chapter 4 in my mind than chapter 3, though it still works for chapter 3 anyway, just not quite as much. Jay is tentatively trusting Tim with his mental health, his relationship issues, (eventually his issues around sex as well, because he definitely does have some of those lmao, he can't not in my idea of how the stuff with Alex has affected him).

In chapter 3 Jay tells Tim most of what happened with Alex, all the way from uni to two years ago when they were alone together last, it's mostly a breakdown and then Jay going back in and clarifying what got lost in the crying, but a lot of it, when he's clarifying it all, is him asking Tim not to do what Alex did. Does he tell Tim the full truth about what happened with Alex, no, he dilutes it a shit tonne to make sure Tim doesn't think any of it is Alex's fault.

But Tim can kind of tell there's things jay is holding back.

He knows Jay is asking him to "handle him with caution" he just doesn't know how to do that because Jay isn't telling him everything and he knows that. Even before they kiss, he can tell this is Jay's way of putting little feelers out to see whether Tim's going to hurt him. Then, once he starts to trust that Tim won't hurt him, they kiss and Jay is kind of thinking "hey, maybe this could work, maybe I can try, even though through all the time he's been without Alex (between uni and 2 years ago, then between 2 years ago and now) he hasn't really managed to "give himself" very often, because his brain always went back to Alex. He was kind of dependent of Alex in a way?

Is that the right word? I don't think that's the right word, but the thesaurus isn't giving me a better one. Reliant? Like, he was reliant on Alex for his own feelings of self worth, kinda? And then 2 years ago Alex well and truly crushed what was left of that lmao.

'Cause I've had my heart Broken before And I promised I would never Let me hurt anymore

Chorus 1.

Pretty simple this one. Alex broke Jay's heart, ripped it and his self esteem and self worth and everything, to absolute shreds and then jumped up and down on the pieces, just to make sure Jay's mental health was well absolutely pulverised.

(He did it for the same reason he killed people, to save them. If he could make Jay hate him enough for Jay to stop investigating and forget everything that happened he could keep him safe. I NEEEEEEED people to know that Alex is just soooooo morally grey and mentally fucked up by the Operator in this, just like he is in the actual series. He genuinely loved and cared about Jay, it's just that that love got twisted and warped by the Operator. Then back in uni he was downright terrified of the fact that he was queer, so he jumped at the opportunity Amy provided, because he was Bi and Scared and she was perfect. I 100% stand by the fact that he definitely talked to Amy about what he and Jay had had and she helped him with it, helped him deal with the internalised shit... and also gave him an absolute earful about how he'd treated Jay in the end and how he needed to go and apologise to him —Alex never did, he was too scared of what Jay would think for that, and by the time he was ready to apologise, they'd lost touch. Then everything with the Operator started so he couldn't anyway—)

Tangent over lmao, uh, after Alex, Jay made a promise to himself to not fall for another unobtainable man, another person who just wanted him for sex, another person in general. He was too scared, and with all the stuff with the Operator there was no way in hell that he'd be able to heal from all the stuff with Alex, so if he wanted to start dating again or anything it'd have to be after all the Eldrich horror shit had ended. If he was still alive by then.

But I tore down my walls And opened my doors And made room for one So baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours But I tore down my walls And opened my doors And made room for one So baby I'm yours

Chorus 2.

This is definitely chapter 4 (and the possible oneshot I have planned for getting to write some more smut for Jam) where Jay finally tells Tim everything (not technically everything everything, but, like, everything about what happened with Alex, he's still gonna be a lil idiot and keep his emotions about it locked up tight, but y'know, he's getting there I guess)

He tells Tim about the kiss, and that finally kind of "tears down the walls" and "opens the door" etc for them to actually start sort of working towards a real relationship. They definitely have a longgggggggg way to go, but it's a start. It allows Jay to start genuinely trusting that Tim won't hurt him, allows him to genuinely trust that Tim likes and cares for him etc. It's just that kind of thing that lets them feel a little safer in each other than that would have otherwise.

I think specifically the "I tore down my walls" bit, like, Jay did that himself. Tim didn't barge in and tear those walls down, Jay started dismantling them himself, sure he had Tim's help, but it was still his decision to do it. Y'know?

Is it going to last forever? No.

Are the events of MH gonna happen anyway and tear them apart just like in the series, make them stop trusting each other etc? Absolutely. Tho I don't think I'm gonna go into that in chapter 4, that'll mostly be a happy ending for them (tho rest assured there'll definitely be a bit of angst in it, because who do you think I am?)

But yeah. "Baby I'm yours" Jay finally feeling like he's able to fully give himself to someone, sexually, romantically, everything, whereas with Alex it was only ever sexually. He didn't get his other, emotional, needs met through that relationship, he will with Tim. Even though Tim definitely doesn't really know what he's doing either. He has more of an idea than Jay though, even if he's probably only really able to express it/talk about it in a kinda clinical way.

(Honestly I feel like Tim would really struggle with not being super clinical in how he talks about emotions and stuff, like, sure, he doesn't sound exactly like a doctor necessarily, doesn't use scientific words, but given his childhood in the hospital, he'd definitely speak in a way that's very detached from what he's feeling. Like he's trying too hard to be rational and logical rather than looking at it as a whole, in a realistic way. Because if you completely ignore the emotional side of something, you can't be rational about it because you're entirely ignoring a whole part of what's happening. That's what Tim does. He removes himself from the situation emotionally, even with Jay —though I'd say that he either hides his detachment from everything better with Jay, or is slightly, slightly, more attached and in the moment and letting himself experience his feelings, with Jay—)

I'm mad at you For being so cute And changing my mood And altering my rude

This bit's also pretty self explanatory I guess, Jay being kind of, not actually angry at Tim, but just kinda disgruntled at how easy it feels like it was for him to help Jay to trust him. He's mad that he finds Tim cute, attractive, kind, caring, whatever. He's mad at how easy it feels like it was for Tim to help him change his opinion towards relationships etc. Cos like, for Jay I feel like it kind of all happened in the background for most of it, like he was subconsciously working through some of his shit about Alex, and then he gets to maybe a few months before chapter three and suddenly he's falling head over heels.

Tim fell first and fell longer, Jay fell harder and faster, y'know?

Do they both like each other the same amount? Yeah just about, Jay's probably a bit more obsessive with it, but because it's Tim this time he'll be able to keep Jay in check and keep him from becoming viciously dependent on interactions with him in order to inform his mood for the day. Y'know? Does that make sense? Like when every part of your mental stability completely hinges on your interactions with another person and if you think anything is wrong it sends you absolutely spiralling? Had a relationship like that once lmao, not fun. Anyway uh

What's wrong with you You make me sick For being so perfect What did I do What can I do, oh

Just more of Jay being lightheartedly pissed that Tim is so "perfect".

Honestly I feel like if I wanted to I could take these two in a toxic direction too, with Jay putting Tim on a pedestal and obsessing over the fact that he's "perfect." Y'know? Because compared to the end of Jaylex's relationship, the start of Jam's relationship would be pretty damn healthy. But comparing ends to beginnings isn't really an accurate comparison, y'know? Anyway, to begin with, Jay putting Tim on a pedestal would lead to him not being able to see Tim as ever having done anything wrong, but once all the small things pile up, or Tim fucks up in a big enough way, it could send Jay absolutely crashing down in an incredibly destructive spiral, because suddenly Tim's not "perfect" anymore, which means he must be just like Alex, which means he must be doing this maliciously, which could lead to allllll the pent up anger from across both relationships getting let out all at once, all at Tim, which would not be good for either of them.

(because Tim, unfortunately, is gonna be very pissed at Alex when he finds out about the kiss, and ends up managing to convince Jay to see Alex the exact opposite to how he currently does. So instead of Jay insisting none of it was Alex's fault, he'll believe that everything was Alex's fault and that he did it all maliciously, rather than what actually happened, which is that Alex's sense of reality and what would keep the people he cared about safe was extremely warped and he genuinely believed he was doing what's right. He was trying to save Jay. —I wanna write Alex's pov of after Jay leaves in chapter 2 at some point so I can kinda show both sides so it's more clear that no one but the Operator is really to blame.—)

I don't think I'll do that, but honestly who knows, it could be interesting to think about. More angst lmao.

And I wasn't trying To melt this heart of iron But the way you hold me Makes the old me pass away

Again, Jay just sort of lightheartedly lamenting the fact that he fell in love without trying to. He wasn't trying to lower his walls, but it just sort of happened because Tim genuinely made him feel safe. Or safe emotionally. Physically? While they're being hunted and haunted? Nah, not possible really. But emotionally, yeah, Jay feels safe with Tim.

And of course, Tim is very free with cuddles and kisses and gentle, innocent touches, which Jay never really got with Alex unless it was under the guise of aftercare, so that's chipping away at the very old, very rusted on distrust of affection and romance etc. The way Tim holds him makes him feel so different to how he felt when Alex held him.

And I would be lying If I said I wasn't scared to fall again But if you promise me you'll catch me Then it's okay

Just Jay talking about his fear of falling in love again, simple simple. Him trusting that Tim will catch him, won't let him get hurt as he falls. Maybe not even that, maybe not even trust that Tim will catch him, more just that Tim has promised he will, so that on its own is enough for Jay, because with Alex the idea of them ever actually dating was always very quickly shut down because Alex was scared.

Chorus 1 and 2 again

Oh I hate that I Spend my days just wasting time Day dreaming 'til I see you again I'm not used to this

Very much kinda deviating from the exact lyrics of the song here, but to me this bit kind of could be about those months where Jay was all fucked up after they ran into the Operator at Alex's old house. He feels like they wasted time, that he wasted time daydreaming about Tim (because from what he remembers of that morning it seems like Tim was being extra caring towards him, which, unsurprisingly, he kinda daydreamed about and stuff, idk) but like, he's just not used to being taken care of like that, being taken care of like Tim clearly has. He saw it in the entries, he saw it when he woke up and Tim didn't realise he wasn't all fucked up anymore.

Oh I used to be so used to boys just using me For you to be you to me Feels new to me

Lmao well damn. Uh. Self explanatory. Very much self explanatory. Alex was never fully himself with Jay, because of all his internalised bullshit, and Jay honestly doesn't know what was real or not with Alex. Was Alex being nice to him two years ago the real Alex? Or was Alex yelling at him and insulting him and scaring him in the kitchen the real Alex? He doesn't know. Whereas with Tim it feels a lot more straightforward. He feels like he can tell what's real and what's not with Tim. And he feels like he hasn't seen the 'not real' part yet, and hopes he never will.

Though I guess that could be a little dangerous if Tim was being manipulative, because Jay's so caught up in the whole "the first thing Tim did to show him he likes him is the last thing Alex tried" that he wouldn't even realise if that kiss from Tim had purely been done to cause just this. A complete dumbfounded-ness in Jay because he was shown a bit of "genuine" affection straight off the bat. That's not what's happening. Tim just actually likes him and wants to date him etc. But ooooo the evil that it could be if I wanted to make all of Jay's lil love interests into toxic ones. Tho I guess he's a lil toxic too, so.

'Cause I usually cheer for the bad side Love under a bad sign So it makes me mad I'm Falling again Falling again

Self explanatory. Or I guess explained by everything else I've already said, because jesus this is so long and I do not need to reiterate the same thoughts again

Chorus 2 again.

Honestly if you read all of this shit, damn, because why did I write this much? It's a freaking essay lmao. I don't care tho because this fic has eaten my brain and I will rant about it for hours if I can. I love it so much. I get to put so much of myself into both Jay and Tim and awawawawawwawawawawwawawawa

[ivomartins]

(HS anon turned SoCN anon is back.)

My tiny problem with the beautiful piece of cake that is Livius: his friendship path is suspiciously... Too romantic. When he gave her the necklace I was crying confused because I honestly thought I chose some romantic option. And then I read the scene is the same for those romancing him, except maybe a few lines. I loved the scene, but it does read very romantic, at least to me. But that is a me problem. Or maybe I'm just mad that I don't have a Livius in my life who will give me cute necklaces and comfort me when my friends are murdered.

The points you brought up in regards to Amen and his romance path are completely understandable and I can see it can get very annoying, very fast. I personally love it because he sounds incredibly pathetic when he goes full horny mode; I know it is not author's intent, but that's how I read it. He does need to chill, though. I honestly don't know if she writes her eViL LIs like that or he's just a unique case. That being said, the moments when he shows affection and acts gentle with Evthys are Poetic Cinema™.

Anyway. I said his smile, you say sad frown + doubtful expression, allow me to introduce you to ✨his blushing face✨. It's super subtle, but the moment I noticed I was like sir you are supposed to be scary, stop being adorable. And the only downside of the supreme epistetes outfit is that it covers his boobs; the other diamond outfit has that sick neck piece and the incredibly gorgeous purple cape. Ugh. Big boy really said you can't torture and kill people if you don't look pretty. This is Fashion, Horus, ✨FASHION✨. Gorgeous outfits though, I love them so much, I was so mad when he went back to his original outfit in the most recent episode. I despise that thing, that's not Fashion, those are some shower curtains he found around the house and another war crime added to his long list.

boy do i hear you loud and clear on that need for a livius in a bitch's life smh

KHGDKFJHGDFG i honestly live for the fact that you dig amen being absolutely pathetic like that like. now that i think about it... that is definitely ✨a way✨ of looking at the scenes. i can definitely see why you'd love it because of that HAHA also, it is definitely just the author's style because my LI in kali was amrit and she pulled the same exact shit with him too 🙄 but thankfully managed to keep me hooked when she strayed away from the overt attraction shit and started adding more emotion to the scenes but guess what that only happened in the final season lolol so i'm like. if i had the patience for amrit mayhaps i can have the patience for amen we shall see 👀 because ngl i'm still two timing between him and livius i didn't lock either of them in yet rip

HIS BLUSHING FACE 😭 god he has no right looking like an overgrown puppy like that, can't believe i forgot that one. also can't believe that my mind is betraying me and i'm completely forgetting what his other diamond outfit looks like??? i will never get over the supreme epistates tho i think it's imprinted on my soul especially that slit where his chest shows... simply tantalizing. BUT ME TOO i was so mad when he switched to his default outfit i was like wtf is THAT 😭 i also hated the chucky-esque red eyed shot of his face with a passion i was like HOW DARE YOU MAKE HIM UGLY LIKE THAT - except for the fully body shot of course like we really got to see his Giant Ass™ in all its glory didn't we

[cyberp-1-nk]

Okay Ace and Addict idea #2! This one is definitely angsty and Amber is in this one...

So Amber has a crush on Ace but Ace obviously hates Amber. Well Ace is stuck with Amber on a little mission and Addict is on the same mission. Well Amber is annoying Ace and just talking about Zalgo, her hate for Addict, and then starts to flirt with Ace. Ace, obviously ignores it but Amber spots Addict watching them and she gets an idea that would piss off Addict.

Amber kisses Ace and Addict comes out from wherever she was hiding and is obviously mad. Now its not like Ace and Addict are together, but just the fact that Ace would ever even go for someone like Amber was enough to anger Addict. She may beat the shit out of Amber, but Addict feels betrayed by Ace. Obviously Ace is innocent, but Amber says things that makes it seem like they are together and it just angers Addict even more so she yells at Ace and calls him a "traitor" and you decide what happens next....

(Please take your time and no rush, I understand if this is a lot and please feel free to send me more requests!)

[ TRAITOR! - SIMP PARTY ]

Warnings; Amber being a little bitch, slight angst.

Tags; @insane-horror-movie-addict

Note; CAN WE PLEASE START AMBER HATE CLUB? Anyways, I finally got my tumblr fixed after complaining about it and sending an appeal. About time istg-- anyways, enjoy!

Word count; 1,860

Having Ace be popular as he was, was never going to be easy. He was constantly surrounded by fangirls. But Addict learned to grow accustomed to it since it was nothing more than mindless adoration, she couldn't care less about them. It's not like she was officially with Ace anyways.

But this demon, on the other hand, was more than a fangirl. Amber was attractive, more than Addict liked to admit, and somewhat of a diligent worker, 'getting along' well with every one of Zalgo's proxies, that included Ace as well. Although, in her eyes it seemed like Amber was especially close to Ace. While she waved their interactions off as common (since Ace was the captain, and Amber was mildly associated with Zalgo), it still didn’t feel great to witness their banter.

Addict sat on the ground in the forest, watching them practice. She had rarely did missions with both Amber and Ace, thus she wasn't able to get a good read on what Amber's intentions were. Though, she absolutely despised Amber in every way, and with a valid reason. Amber was constantly jealous of Addict, and trying to bring her down, it got extremely irritating after a while.

But that didn’t help the fact that she felt uneasy. Especially when Amber and Ace were talking across the forest from her, engaging in what seems like an exciting conversation. Though it mostly seemed as if the conversation was completely one-sided, Ace seemed extremely annoyed by her presence. He couldn't say anything of course, Amber was Zalgo's favorite little pet, and he dared cross her, he was going to get into some deep shit.

Addict watched as she tiptoed to whisper something in Ace's ear, and when he smiled at her, Addict's heart dropped. Despite knowing that there weren’t any bad intentions, she couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling she had. Little to Addict's knowledge, that smile was completely faked, just to get Amber to shut up.

For the rest of the mission, Addict gave him the cold shoulder. She didn’t mean to, but with how apprehensive she felt, she honestly didn’t know how to face him. But being immature over this situation instead of being honest with Ace only made her more frustrated at herself.

She also kept noticing how Amber would glance at her for a brief second- and when her eyes met she would quickly dart them away. And somehow this only made her more restless. The enemy who was seemingly close with Ace kept staring at her.. that didn’t sit well with her. She wanted to nail Amber in the face..

Just as Addict wanted to pounce on the irritating girl, Amber took her by surprise by doing something rather vulgar, but it was enough to shut her up. While making eye contact with Addict, she suddenly took a hold of Ace's collar rather roughly, pulling him into her, their lips colliding as Addict was completely frozen to the spot.

Burning rage hissed through Addict's body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. It was like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off her like ferocious waves. The wrath consumed her, engulfing her moralities and destroying the boundaries of loyalty. Amber seemed too triumphal for Addict's iking, which spurred on her anger like oil to a flame. This was the day bitches died.

Addict stormed off, not seeing how Ace pushed Amber off with no hesitation, and ran after Addict. He eventually found her, angrily throwing her daggers at a tree. He walked over to her, taking a seat right next to her. Ace stayed quiet for a few moments before turning to face her.

“Addict? What's up with you, you've been acting weird this entire mission.” He says, briefly checking up on the girl. He was seemingly nervous about something, and after a few deep breaths he spoke again.

“Addict, just tell me what's wrong.” He quickly blurts out. Her brain takes a moment to process his words.

"Traitor.." She mumbles.

"What?" He looked at her with such a blank look she felt the necessity to hit him in the face.

“Traitor, you're a traitor!” she quickly explains, her cheeks already turning rosy. Addict's brows furrowed, and her are slightly narrowed as she's staring at the ground.

Now, there was a part of him that felt flattered that she felt jealous. But he also felt guilty for making her feel so betrayed. Snapping out of his momentary trance, his signature Cheshire cat grin carved its way onto his face, signaling this meant trouble. That was her cue for leaving again. Without saying anything else to him, she turned on her heel, ready to escape the rather awkward situation. However, she didn’t get the chance to even make one step, and she abruptly stopped dead in her tracks as he yanked her by her wrist. She forgot how strong he could be..

“What the— hey! Let go!“

"It's adorable that you're jealous, but do you really think I'm with Amber of all people?" He pulled her into his lap, brushing back her strands of hair behind her ear before whispering, "Especially after that night we had?" A bright red blush crept onto her cheeks and Addict fought back the urge to snap at him. However, being the strong hearted and proud girl she was, she tried to compose herself, for he wasn’t worth a penny to let herself lose it.

"C'mon, you know I like you.." His words trailed on and with every syllable his teeth sunk into her flesh with little nibbles. With a frown she attempted at gently pushing his head away. As much as she wanted to let him ravage her neck then and there, Amber was famous for popping up out of nowhere and she wasn't quite ready to get caught, especially like that.

“Are you gonna stop ignoring me now?” he asks, and when she continues to avoid her gaze, he leans forward, cupping her face so Addict can look at him. It was quite obvious that he knew she was feeling jealous- Ace could read her like a map.

“Fine...” she mumbled, feeling her lips pucker as Ace squished her face.

“Mhmm, so no need to get all jealous and avoidant. Plus even if she did like me, it wouldn’t matter since I’m terribly obsessed with you Addict. And I’m going to make sure that you’re reminded of that every day, is that alright?” he asks before he leans closer to give her a small peck.

When he finally lets go of her face, Addict springs up from her seat, wrapping her arms around him.

“Yes it is…” she mumbled back burying her face into him so he wouldn’t see how shy she's become. But unbeknownst to Addict, Ace was fervently blushing at how cute she was, wondering what he did to deserve her.

[katierosefun]

Oh my god. Here me out, Juwon as Judas to Dongsik's Jesus.

The scene Juwon arrests Dongsik and then cries into his hands...

The way Judas "betrays" Jesus with a kiss and then he gets arrested.

And you know how there are stories about how Jesus himself asked Judas to do that for him, because he was his most loyal and loved apostle, only he could understand and do that "betrayal" act.

The way Dongsik asks him to arrest him, because only he can do it.

The religious imagery are obvious but I never??? Connected that scene to Judas and Jesus???? The crying in hand being the kiss of betrayal, and then the way Juwon completely breakdown afterwards, how Judas can't take the consequences of his actions and ... Need I say more?

The parallels are killing me

three things, anon:

a) this is an ask that would have murdered 8 year old churchgoing caroline (good)

b) this also reminded me of the time i was watching some storytelling performances and this one girl from a catholic college went up on stage and talked about her path to becoming queer while growing up in an irish catholic household and how she talked about how the bible doesn't necessarily condemn queerness + also, how she said with her whole goddamn chest "dare i say jesus was . . . a bit fruity?"

c) okay you know what yes exactly EXACTLY EXACTLY because when i tell you that i find beyond evil so insanely interesting in that it draws a lot from pretty christian/catholic imagery (all that talk about hell and saviors, also the fact that dong sik grew up in a christian family was pretty intentional, also jin mook with his whole "i'm not a christian but . . . " and the constant images of prayer and the basement seeming to represent a kind of hell and so on and so forth)

and huh basically, i also never really connected the dots between the judas and jesus story paralleling somehow with joo won and dong sik (again, mayhaps because there's a small part of my brain that's like "oh that's a bit blasphemous", but you know what . . . ) i've never actually heard stories of judas being the one jesus actually asked to betray him (i've only ever heard and read the version where judas willingly left jesus but on that final night, jesus told judas to go on + do it, betray him + also kissed him in front of everyone + so that was how the other disciples realized that holy shit, judas is the traitor).

but you know what, that's kinda metal. i've still always been insanely intrigued by the story about judas and jesus, if only because i think stories about betrayal are inherently interesting (ie. i loved you / you were the closest one to me / i would still toss you away / it doesn't matter, in the end, if you toss me away kind of fucked up dynamic that haunts all of my favorite dynamics ever) . . . you know what yeah . . . yeah

[nowis-scales]

We're on our way to finding out what the Colour of Sunrise is...

Can tell you I'm having trouble titling these well? Lol

(Emblems:

❋ = It is entirely neutral

✾ = It’s a bit negative, but it’s told in a joking way

✿ = It is negative and critical)

❃ The burning of Fhirdiad just makes me think of that one African proverb: “The child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” 

That’s how I interpret what’s happening with Rhea here. This kind of behaviour does not show up until now, you’ll notice, when she’s backed into a corner. The fact that EdeIgard uses this as another point to point fingers is manipulative as fuck, knowing that she’s driven someone else to their limit, but I kind of like that about her. When they dare to use it, her ruthlessness is kind of awesome. ❃

❋ Oh believe me, Bernadetta, I know. 

Actually, now that I think about it, no I don’t. I recruited you for my GD playthrough so I never watched you burn. But I have no plans to do so for AM, so um… sorry. We will someday acknowledge your flammability. Today is not that day. ❋

❋ I don’t know Cyril that well bc I plan to connect more with him in my SS playthrough, but I think he deserves better from this fanbase. He’s often just reduced to prove the badness of Rhea (incredibly debatable imo) and the badness of Hilda (haven’t seen the support but I don’t think it’s debatable — Hilda has some serious self-reflection to do).  ❋

❃ I really do wish there was something more that could be done to help Rhea. Like there is just so much of this shit that she did not ask for, and all of the “solutions” people have pitched have some pitfall or caveat for her. She was never going to be able to win. ❃

✾ Girl she’s having a breakdown, stop trying to make this about you, it's not your moment ✾

✿ I think I will always believe that the message of this story is not about “humanity sticking together”, but the way that power and greed corrupts us to abuse each other and those who seek to help us. Cause I don’t feel like we stuck together in this route. The three countries have a tattered relationship, with one being completely in control. Commoners have been trampled to serve the desires of the nobility, but have been trampled in their own name. There has been an incredible failure to try and understand those who are different from one another, and instead a demonization. EdeIgard doesn’t even seem to trust anyone but Byleth. Hubert and Dorothea are some of her two closest friends, and they don’t even seem to matter. 

I cannot buy this route as “humanity reaching out to each other” because we’re not. We’re not making the effort to understand each other. We’re saying “this is our way, become a part of it or die”. I can’t blame Rhea for being upset with us. EdeIgard is angry that Rhea has no regard for human life, but how much time does she spend actually, genuinely regarding others? She won’t connect to her friends, her fellow governmental officials, her classmates, anyone. When I look at EdeIgard and Rhea, I do see two very broken people, but to me, EdeIgard seems more broken. Because she can’t fathom that there is any other way to do things than she is doing them right now. She’s that in need of control that everything she’s doing has to be right, and that speaks to what she’s been through for sure, but also speaks to the kind of damage she is capable of doing. ✿

❋ But you did.

You’re Wilhelm’s descendant, Edie. Someone that Rhea cared about deeply. She trusted him and his bloodline to carry on, to protect the interests of everyone in Fódlan, including the remaining Nabateans. Your family has information that no one else had. She admitted you into her school with confidence that you would bring about a future of further peace. 

And instead, you turned around and told her that she and her dragon family had to go, just like the humans before you did. 

You may not even have meant to betray her, but you destroyed a trust and respect she placed in you long before you even met. And sure, maybe that is her mistake, but you should understand that better than anyone, right?❋

[tokoyamisstuff]

Scandal Ch. 1 - Loki x Reader

Summary: After your child is born a Frost Giant, your husband accuses you of infidelitiy, unaware about his own heritage...

Warnings: Pregnancy, Childbirth, Angst, Mild Cussing

Noteable: Takes place before Thor 1, Asgardian Fem! Reader

Words: ~1800

I Story Masterlist I General Masterlist I

It was as if your anchestors wanted to deliver a warning, for Asgard had never faced a storm matching this fateful afternoon.

The thunder swallowed all of your screams and cries, every curse you spoke with each contraction as the baby made it’s way into this world. All this time, your precious husband would never leave your side, letting you squeeze his hand as much as you needed.

“Only a little bit more, my Lady!” the midwife shoutet from between your legs, her tone calm yet cheerful. “I can already see the head!”

“I’m right here. You’re doing wonderful, my petal.” Loki was softly petting your hair, pressing a wet kiss into your forehead. “You are incredibly strong, Y/N. And I love you so much!”

Remaining collected was using up all of his energy at that very moment, you knew that much. Yet not even the God of Lies could hide all the helplessness and excitement stirring in his head at that very moment.

Being with the Prince of Asgard was just like in a dream.

Once you get to know him, that troublesome arrogant lone wolf turned into a smart, caring - and especially charming - prince. And hel, Loki treated you like a Queen.

All this pain you were experiencing right now would ultimately lead to the greatest bliss imagineable - just like it was with Loki.

Oh, how dearly you had fought, suffered, yearned for him, only to be rewarded with heartbreak and frustration. In between his feverishly chase for the throne and his rivalry with Thor, there was just no room for a loving relationship to grow.

The crushing weight of thinking himself unworthy for affection had made him cold and bitter over the millenias, telling himself the comforting lie that he was above all, born for a glorious purpose.

For the God of Mischief, whose kinsmen had always made him feel out of place or under-appreciated, the process of trusting had always been one step forward, three steps back.

But through your compassion, and with a great deal of patience and understanding, you slowly but steadily melted the ice around the prince’s heart.

Because deep inside, you always knew that it was worth it.

And today would be the peak of your romance: Your child would forever remind the Odinson that he belonged somewhere - right here, with you.

“It’s a boy!”

“A heir?!” Loki exclaimed, smothering your face in kisses. “Well done!”

You smiled weakly at his excitement, in between choked sobs. All that your exhausted self was able to process was the fact that your child is born - and you already loved him beyond reason.

“Where is he?!” you whimpered, unable to realize how the air in the room had shifted - for when the midwife touched the infant, she began to scream in agony.

“What’s wrong?!” Loki’s eyes were narrowing at the midwife that almost dropped his newborn, detecting some sort of burn wound on her palm. Quickly, she had covered the boy in a towel, aware that if any harm came over that baby, she was to die at the God of Mischief’s hands.

A flash of lightning was brightening the whole room, which had only been flooded by dim candle light until now.

Another one of the midwife’s screeched in terror, almost stumbling as she frantically erscaped your bedchamber. The adrenaline from birth and worry about your child sharpened your senses, yet concentration was almost impossible.

Still, the words she was yelling as she ran down the hall send a shiver down your spine:

“It’s a monster.”

Your head was spinning as you rushed into an upright position, with two nurses pressing you onto the bed again. “Milady, you need to rest! It’s still too early!”

“What is wrong with my child?!?” you desperately screamed, kicking with your legs to free yourself from their hold. “Give it to me!”

Their expressions were too much to bear. Your head was spinning, seeing pity mixing up with disgust and anger in their eyes.

“Enough!” Loki finally broke his own silence, his mind having been occupied with all the horror scenarios one could think about.

Walking up to the midwife carrying the infant, he demanded seeing it. “Your highness, don’t-” yet the midwife’s beg was for naught.

Yes, everything will be alright. Loki will take care of it, like he always does. After all, he’s your savior, your hero, the love of your life...

Gently and insecure, your husband cradled the newborn in his arms - a sight to behold. And the baby’s strong cries assured you that it was at least alive.

However, as soon as he dared to unwrap the towel, revealing it’s face, Loki’s heartbeat completely stopped for a second. His trembling lip began to shake, mouth widely agape as he took in the child’s form.

For a brief moment, his mind was completely blank. All emotion dropped from his face before taking in a complete different demeanour.

“Wha-” you wouldn’t dare ending that sentence when your husband’s furious eyes met yours.

The air was so thick, you thought not even Thor’s hammer could break it. Clearly ritten on Loki’s usual unreadable face were so many emotions at once:

Aversion, fury, incredible sorrow...all directed towards you? The child?

Impossible.

Loki Odinson loved you more than anything in this world, this was the only thing you had always been sure he wasn’t lying about.

“From all the people I expected to betray me...” His voice was hoarse, as if the ache in his heart was wrapping around his throat. “Why did it have to be you?”

You could feel the horrendous aura, a wave of sadness and despair coming from your husband. Seeing him like this was like torture.

“What- what do you mean, darling-”

“Don’t fucking call me that, you harlot!” That was surely not the first time your lover had raised your voice against you - he could be a bit difficult at times, obviously.

But this time was different somehow. It sounded so...ultimate.

And the Loki you knew would never use such harsh words against you!

“Please, I beg of you...just let me see my baby!” Everything was just too much for you, almost to the point of passing out. 

And the man did as you pleaded, almost shoving the child into your arms. “There, have your bastard! And make sure to never show your filthy faces to me ever again!”

With that, he stormed out of the room, leaving you with those strange nurses looking at you like you’ve just commited an unforgiveable crime.

There was no use in overthinking this. He’ll come back like he always did. You can work this out, whatever it is - even if you are gonna be mad for a very long time, making such a fuss and then disappearing instead of taking care of you, the mother of his child.

Out of a whim, you decided to finally observe the little being you’ve been waiting for all those months.

A loud gasp escaped your mouth as you realized just why everyone was so worked up about that little boy. Yet the sound you made was solely surprised - not a hint of fear or rejection laced your voice.

It was a beautiful baby boy, little fists balled to the air as if he was searching for the warmth of his parents - though his skin was in the shade of a dark blue. When you dared running your hand over the deep lines and ridges on his body, the stinging pain of frostbite immediately stung your fingertips. His eyes snapped open, looking at you with black irises through red scleras.

You knew the meaning of this, even though you didn’t understand how this was possible: This child was a biological Frost Giant. A small one, but nonetheless.

A curse? Was someone trying to play your family dirty? No. If that was the case, the child wouldn’t also have actual powers together with the appearance.

Just how long have those tears been running down your cheeks in thick streams already? You wouldn’t know.

Only one thing came as clear as daylight to you: You loved this baby, more than anything in this world. And no matter the hardships that came along with it - you would protect him, no matter what!

“He’s magnificent...” you sniffled, pecking some quick kisses onto his small body before the cold could hurt you. “I love you so, so much...!”

Not minding the judging looks of the nurses, let alone wondering about the consequences, resolve was starting to give you new strenght.

The boy got a grasp on your finger, and instead of your skin freezing off as expected, your magic allowed him to the boy to finally disguise itself as one of you. How was this even possible? Well, this is probably the first time something like this ever happened, so no one could prepare you for what to expect with this child.

They all say that birth was an impactful event - but nothing could’ve prepared you for everything that you had to endure on this day.

Yet nothing could’ve stopped you from believing that this child was the greatest blessing that ever came over you.

Now you only had to convince your husband of that very fact...

“Y/N Y/L/N!” the guard wouldn’t even bother adressing you with your full title as his harsh voice woke you up. When had you drifted away into slumber anyway? You were probably way more worn out than you wanted to admit...

Your eyes immediately snapped open, heart skipping a beat until you saw that your son was still sleeping soundly right next to you. Stroking his cheek as he smiled up to you, it almost made you forget about that burdensome situation.

“Hey!” Protectingly, you were holding onto your child for dear life as the guard approached both of you. “I have an important message to deliver!”

You scowled, almost like an animal mother protecting their offsprings with baring teeth, even though you knew in that state you would be completely and utterly helpless. “Why now? What could be more important than the well-being of my child?”

The answer let your blood run cold:

“I am here to announce that Lady Y/N Y/L/N has to face a trial in front of the Allfather. The following crimes she is being accused of: Infidelity, collaboration with the enemy and trying to sneak one of them into our glorious kingdom.”

[lucy-sky]

The Break of Dawn (Leo Barnes x f!Reader)

You work in a small diner not far from the bus station and try to get over a tragic event that happened to you three years ago. Leo Barnes is one of the steady customers, and at some point you realize there's mutual attraction between the two of you. There's no time for romance though - only one night left before the annual Purge, and Leo has an important job to keep Senator Roan safe as it's the only chance to finally put an end to the Purge.

Words: 3 656

Warnings: Sexual content (not super detailed, I would rate this story as Mature rather than Explicit, but still they f*ck), a bit of angst (trigger warning: loss), but Leo is a caring and protective guy who’s ready to hold you

A/N: My first time writing Leo Barnes or any Frank Grillo character, so please don't be mean :))

Taglist: @sweetfictionalworld, @skvatnavle​, @lunamoon-87​

“There he is.”

Stella pokes you with her elbow.

“What?”

“Your tough guy. He’s here,” she nods to the corner of the diner and you don’t even need to follow her gesture to know that Leo Barnes is sitting there, his usual spot. He’s a bit early today, and it’s understandable - you too find it harder to sleep well as the Purge is getting closer.

“He’s not my tough guy, Stells,” you roll your eyes.

“Oh yeah? Tell it to someone else,” she snorts. “So far I’m just wondering how long you’re gonna keep ignoring that sexual tension…”

“Stella, please.”

“What? Honestly, I don’t know why he’s being such a gentleman… But just FYI, y/n… You know it’s not the 19th century and you actually can make the first move?”

“Even if I wanted to, it’s not the right time,” you shrug. “You know he’s doing an important job. He’s got plenty of stuff to think about and it’s definitely not romance.”

“Who’s talking about romance, sis?” Stella laughs. “You’re both so goddamn tense, you need to blow off some steam. No, seriously. You need to get laid. He needs to get laid. It’s just way too obvious!”

“Oh dear god, just please shut up…” you groan.

“Fine,” she gives you a wicked smirk. “If you don’t want him, then I’m bringing his order.”

You chuckle at this.

“Don’t you dare.”

  To be completely honest, you can’t deny that Stella is partly right. There is something between you and this grumpy silent man in the corner. But what exactly? You can’t really put it into words, it’s not just the attraction, or sexual tension as Stella says. You do find him handsome though, you admit that. A couple of times when he was wearing a t-shirt, you caught yourself staring at his muscular arms. Yes, guilty. And still… There’s more than that. You’d call it some sort of mutual understanding.

Leo Barnes works for Senator Roan. In the past, he used to be a cop, now he is the head of security for her. You learnt that one night when he was here, having his usual late dinner. The TV was on, evening news, something about the election of course. And suddenly you noticed him there, standing behind Roan’s back with another guy in a formal dark suit. You blinked, stared at the screen, then looked back at him. He caught your glance.

“Is that… you?” you blurted, realizing too late that you said it out loud. But he smiled, and in his smile there was no anger or annoyance.

“Apparently so,” he replied with a soft chuckle and ran his fingers through his dark hair. “How do I look?”

You started talking ever since then. Barnes usually came to the diner twice - in the morning he just had a mug of black coffee, and in the evening he ordered something to eat. Mornings were often crowded as many people passed the diner before heading to work in the city, so you were busy. But the evenings were mostly quiet. 

You often stayed at work late, covering Stella who had to run to her kids or another date. You didn’t mind that since work was always your way to escape. Nobody was waiting for you at home anyways. Somehow, Leo Barnes started to keep you company. He wasn’t much of a talker and you were never into heartfelt conversations with the clients here, but something just clicked. Especially after you learnt about his job and it became clear that your views on the Purge are the same.

Many people hate The Purge, as well as many people support it. Some people hate it because they’re scared for their loved ones, their business (small shop owners who don’t have enough money to afford the Purge insurance often suffer), or they hate it just because they’re against violence in general. And the others… They have more personal reasons. You’re one of them. And somehow, even if you don’t know for sure, you just feel like Leo Barnes has personal reasons as well. He never really told you, and you don’t dare to ask because you know well enough how the memories can hurt. You didn’t tell him either. But still, you don’t know how exactly it worked, you just looked at each other and saw it. It’s like an unspoken secret between the two of you. The details don’t matter anyway. Your stories are in the past and you can’t change it, but what you can change is the future. If Senator Charlene Roan wins the election - the Purge will finally end. You can help with your vote, and Leo… Leo is determined to do anything to help her survive this year. Just this year, and hopefully no one would ever have to survive this nightmare again. You both want it more than anything else.

  “Hey.”

You smile at Leo as you place a mug of coffee and a plate on the table in front of him.

“Hey…” he looks confused when he sees the food. Nothing really special: eggs, bacon, some beans and a toast. “What’s that? I... only asked for the usual…”

“Just thought you might need some extra fuel,” you shug. “Only one night left before the Purge, so… you must have a lot of work to do.”

“Yeah, you’re right… I actually do,” he gives you a tired smile. “Thank you.”

“Welcome,” you nod and turn to leave, but Leo suddenly touches your arm and you freeze.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?” you face him again.

“Do you work tomorrow?”

“Yes… Why are you asking?..” you give him a puzzled look.

“Well uh… To be honest I’d be happier if you took a day off… You know, just to make sure you’re safe…”

You feel the heat on your cheeks. Does… does he worry about you?.. The realization makes your heart shrink for a second. Apparently he’s not just someone who understands, he’s someone who cares. You already forgot what it feels like when someone really cares. Well, of course there are your parents, but they’re far away… And Leo, he’s right here.

“It’s okay,” you say, trying not to look too baffled. “Tomorrow we’re closing the diner earlier, right after lunchtime, so I’ll be home long before the Purge begins. There’s no need to worry, really.”

“Good,” Barnes nods. “I just… don’t think I’ll be able to come over and check on you tomorrow, so I just…” he stutters as if trying to figure out something to say. 

“I just want you to be careful, okay?” he finally utters, and to your surprise his hand reaches yours, squeezing it lightly. “Just be careful, yeah?”

“Yeah, I... Of course I will,” you try to smile reassuringly. “I promise.”

  *

There’s about five minutes left before closing hour when Leo appears. As usual, you’re still here, helping Mary, the chief and the owner’s wife with all the cleaning up after the working day. While she’s in the kitchen, you wipe the tables, TV-set is murmuring something in the corner. The election, the purge… Always the same.

“You’re closed?” he asks, meeting your gaze. “Sorry, I… Didn’t realize it’s that late already…”

“We’re about to close, but it’s fine, come in!” you assure smiling at him maybe a bit more brightly than you wanted to show. “We’ll get you something to eat, right, Mary?” 

“Sure thing,” she replies from the kitchen door. You weren’t the only one who saw Barnes on TV. Since then, he became an always welcome guest as the diner owners supported Roan as well. Otherwise, to be honest you don’t think you could possibly be able to work for them.

You put a plate with food in front Leo as he takes a seat at the counter. While he’s eating silently, you wipe the coffee mugs and place them carefully on the shelf. The TV keeps talking. Something about the bloomimg economy and international murder tourists who keep coming to the US to take part in the annual Purge. You glance at the screen, see their gut-wrenchingly excited faces.

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter under your breath and shake your head. “Fucking insane.”

“True,” you nearly jump at his words, as you didn’t realize Leo heard you. “I knew people who killed someone on Purge night for… different reasons. But those who kill just because they enjoy it, for fun or sport or whatever you call it - those are the most dangerous.”

“They’re just psychopaths. People like that should be kept in mental hospitals or something. But they just walk around as if nothing’s wrong with them. And the new founding fathers keep telling them how proud they are of them…”

“Roan’s gonna make it stop,” Mary joins the conversation. “This lady’s got some balls, am I right, sir?”

“Yes ma’am,” Barnes chuckles. “She absolutely got them.”

  You leave the diner together with Leo. Mary chose to stay inside, waiting for her husband to come pick her up in a few minutes. The night is a bit chilly; you’re shivering, not sure if it’s the cold or the fact that you’re alone with him for the first time.

“Where’s your car?” he asks.

“Oh um… It’s in the service actually. So I’m going to the bus station right over there,” you point. Barnes frowns.

“What about tomorrow?”

“Stella promised to give me a ride home. Leo… I’ll be okay. It’s not the first Purge night in my life, you know.”

“Right,” he clears his throat. “Anyway, since I’m here I can drive you home.”

“You… sure it’s okay?” your voice betrays you a little. “I mean you must be tired…”

“I’m okay,” he assures, then nods at his car. “Come on. I insist.”

“Okay,” you hear yourself saying.

  *

You’re mostly silent on the way. You feel a bit tense, but also kinda… weirdly excited to be in this car, next to him. Damn. Is Stella right, and you’re actually into him? Definitely so. But after all these years you almost completely forgot how it feels - to be into someone or how the relationships work. As if you’re a teenager again. Leo Barnes is the first man who actually made you think of something close to romantic longing since… That night.

“It’s here?” he asks as you reach your house. You nod, and he pulls over. You wait for him to say something, to tell you goodnight maybe, but he doesn’t. Without the sound of the car engine, the silence between you becomes even more awkward. You open your mouth to say goodbye to him, but instead different words suddenly come out.

“Leo, I…” 

He looks at you intently. You stare down at your knees.

“Yeah?”

“I just… The fact that you worry about me - it’s very nice of you, really. And… I just wanted you to know that I worry about you too. I worry about you a lot actually…”

“Y/n…” his voice is quiet as he brings his hand to your face, gently urging you to look up at him. His eyes look darker than usual in the dim light of the street lamp nearby. You think if it’s possible to drown in someone’s eyes you’d already be gone.

“I’ll be fine, okay?” he says softly. “It’s gonna be a tough night for sure, but I’ll be fine, I have to be fine. You gotta trust me on this. You trust me?”

“Yes,” you barely whisper, unable to take your eyes from his, and when the tension becomes almost unbearable, his lips finally crush on yours.

You both expected and didn’t expect it, didn’t dare to admit even to yourself how much you really wanted it. Your breath hitches somewhere in your throat as you kiss him back eagerly, forgetting about everything and everyone for this moment that lasts so long and so painfully short at once. You’re both panting as your lips part, foreheads pressed together. 

“I… I think I should go,” you mumble as a rush of panic suddenly overwhelms you.

“Yeah… Yeah…” he nods. “You should get some rest.”

“You too.”

You squeeze his hand for a second. Gosh, you didn’t even realize your hand was on his all this time. 

“Good night,” you finally murmur, bracing yourself to get out of the car. You feel like something else needs to be said, but can’t really figure out what.

  *

You enter the house and just lean against the door, heart hammering wildly inside your chest. You close your eyes and try to catch your breath. What the hell just happened? And why are you reacting like that? There’s nothing wrong about this kiss. You’re two single adults… Well, probably single. Leo doesn’t wear a ring, so… Damn it, you really got out of practice when it comes to relationships.

A knock on the door made your eyes snap open. As if in a daze, you slowly turn and reach the door handle, already knowing who you’re going to see.

Leo doesn’t say anything. And you can’t read the expression in his eyes, or you simply don’t have time for it, because the next moment he steps inside, his hands cup your cheeks and he kisses you with such longing and desperation it nearly kicks the breath out of your lungs. You don’t know what you’re doing any more, but your fingers are already in his dark hair, scratching the nape of his neck while his lips and tongue keep attacking your mouth. It feels like shockwaves running through your body, and for the first time in years you feel just so alive. All this time your feelings, passions and emotions were asleep, everything around you seemed pale and lifeless as if someone turned down the contrast, but something changed. Not right now, not in the snap of a finger, of course; it happened gradually. Something kept changing deep within you since the very first time your eyes met, and now - you’re finally ready to feel something. To let him in.

You don't think about it though. Or about anything else, to be honest. All you can focus on is what his lips are doing to you, how hot his breath is and how weirdly nice his stubble feels against your skin. Leo’s coat falls on the floor. His big hands seize your waist as he lifts you up, causing you to grip onto his broad shoulders. Pressing you against the nearest wall, he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, the kisses are sloppy, open-mouthed, and you can't suppress a soft moan. He's big and strong, you feel small underneath him, but you like it. 

You can’t even remember clearly how you finally reached the bedroom, frantically helping each other to get rid of the clothes. When you tumble down and he hovers over you, the skin to skin contact is overwhelming. He brushes your hair away from your flushed face, kisses you with sudden tenderness. The look in his hazel eyes is warm yet still full of passion as you cup his cheek and he presses his lips to your palm. An affectionate gesture that makes your heart skip a beat, but you both are too impatient to be soft right now. So he leans in, kissing you harder this time, grunting against your mouth when you pull him closer, craving as much of him as possible. You can feel him twitching against your lower belly as you wrap your legs around him, eager to get more pressure. He’s not even inside you yet, but it already feels so good you can’t help bucking your hips, earning a low groan from him at the friction. His lips trail along your jawline, down to the side of your neck, where he kisses and nibbles, and you just know there’s gonna be marks tomorrow, but damn, you can’t care less.

When he finally enters you and starts moving, you’re almost delirious. Clinging to him, you gasp and whisper his name into his skin, feel the muscles on his back tense as he thrusts deeper. The wave of bliss hits you so hard your vision turns blurry and for a few seconds it feels like you’re not there.

  *

Reality comes back to you slowly, with all the dark and troubled thoughts you can’t escape. Leo is lying next to you with his eyes closed, breathing evenly, so you think he must be asleep. Good for him. Carefully, you slip out of the bed to get a glass of water. It doesn’t help you to get rid of the lump in your throat though. Back to the bedroom, you sit on the edge of the bed and let out a deep sigh, trying to fight back tears. Too many emotions for one night.

“Y/n.”

Leo’s voice doesn’t even seem sleepy. You can feel him shifting in bed to reach you, the warmth of his calloused hand stroking your back soothingly.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, uh…” You shake your head, bringing your hand to rub your eyes. “I’m good. It’s just… It’s been a while since I… You know…”

“I know. It’s been a while for me as well.”

“I lost my boyfriend three years ago,” you blurt out, surprising yourself that you said it out loud. “During the Purge night. He um… He was a medical student. We lived in an apartment building and we heard someone crying for help. I wanted to stop him but he just couldn’t ignore someone who needed help, you know. He got shot accidentally, right into his head. There was no chance to save him.”

Leo’s hand gently squeezes your shoulder.

“Sorry, I… Don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I’ve never talked about him since the funeral…”

“It’s okay,” he moves closer, pressing a kiss against your shoulder blade.

“I was so angry at first, you know,” now that you start talking you seemingly cannot stop. “I wished I could find and kill them. But then I thought he wouldn’t want me to become a murderer...”

He presses his forehead against the back of your head for a moment. “I know how you feel, y/n.”

You finally turn to meet his gaze. 

“I lost my son. I know what this anger feels like. Two years ago all I was thinking about on the Purge night was revenge. I was determined, almost obsessed.”

“Did… you do it?”

“No. I was close to it. Very close. But… One wise person made me realize that it wouldn’t help. Violence only brings more violence.”

“It has to be stopped,” you whisper.

“Yes,” he nods. “That’s why I left the police. Cops have to stay away from the Purge. I couldn’t any more. At least now I know I'm doing the right thing.”

“Right… Just… I’m just scared of losing you too,” you say very quietly, but he hears you anyway. His strong arms wrap around your body, pulling you closer, enclosing into his warmth. Making you feel safe.

“Hey, hey...” He whispers into your hair as he nuzzles into the top of your head. “It’s not gonna happen, you hear me? Everything’s gonna be alright. I promise.”

  *

You have no doubt your colleagues noticed who drove you to work this morning. But today no one is in the mood for comments, not even Stella. Even though the work goes on as usual, there’s still this tension in the air before the Purge night. 

Through the window you can see a bunch of guys gathered around the car with an open trunk full of baseball bats and other stuff you can’t discern. The owner proudly shows off his stuff, other guys laugh, they look pretty chill and relaxed, and your stomach nearly twists at the sight. 

  *

All night you could barely sleep a wink. A knock on the door drags you out of troubled slumber. At first you’re not even sure if you really heard it or it was in your dream. But the sounds repeat and you jump off the bed and without even caring to slip something over the huge t-shirt you sleep in. Barefoot, you rush to the door, open it with shaky hands.

He looks so exhausted it seems like he can barely stand. The collar of his shirt that used to be white is now stained with blood. And yet… He’s smiling.

“Leo!..” you gasp, stepping towards him and bringing your hand to his stubbly cheek. “Oh my god, are you… Everything okay?..”

“I’m great,” he breathes out huskily, and his smile slowly turns into a wide grin. “We did it, baby.”

You don’t even try to hold back tears as you fall into his arms, bury your face into his chest. He smells a bit like sweat and blood, but you absolutely don’t care. “I’m so glad you’re here,” you mumble into his ruined shirt. “I’m here,” he whispers back, stroking your hair. Then you realize the two of you are still standing at the porch.

“Alright,” you say, drawing back a little. “Let’s get you in, you need some rest… And you’re probably hungry too… And you definitely need a shower…”

“Wait, y/n. Let’s just… Stay here for a bit? I think we both need to catch a breath,” he chuckles crookedly, reaching out to wipe a tear from your cheek. You smile back.

“Okay.”

  Sitting on the porch with your head on Leo’s shoulder, his arm wrapped around your frame, you watch the sky becoming lighter and lighter as the dawn breaks. You can hear the sounds of sirens in the distance. The city’s slowly getting back to life, waking up after another nightmare. 

You both know it’s not the end, the war isn’t won yet, but at least you won this very important battle. And for the first time in what seems like ages you have a good feeling about the future.

*

Thanks for reading! 

Hugs, Lucy

[pinkteapotwriting]

Healing

Wolfstar x fem!reader

Sirius is innocent and it doesn’t take long for him and Remus to make their way back home to you.

Word count: 3332

Warning: There is a food mention and brief nudity but that’s all baby

He was a shaking mess. It had been over a decade. Over a decade since you had last held him in your arms. Over a decade since you had left yours, Remus and Sirius’s shared home. Once Sirius was arrested a part of you died. Especially considering no one believed you when you said he was innocent; that he could never betray James and Lily like that. It killed you even more that Remus could believe he was capable of such evil. 

Remus did everything he could to console you, even though he lost his lover too, but him trying to convince you everyone else's side is what led you to leaving and never coming back. You remembered your blurred vision, the hot tears that spilled down your cheeks that night. The bitterness that pooled and overflowed at the thought of one of the men you loved fiercely being held against his will, while the other called you foolish for rejecting reality. But you knew Sirius was innocent and you just couldn’t live like that anymore. Where all your memories turned to ash in the fire that almost took you with it. 

So here he was, a shaking mess at your doorstep. Of course Remus had already sent an owl explaining everything, but that didn’t make his presence any less shocking. You looked behind him and saw Remus with a trunk in one hand and a lead attached to a hippogriff in the other. Remus was refusing to meet your eyes so you looked back to Sirius’s wide ones. They were so open and vulnerable and you knew without words being said exactly what this man needed.

“Remus” you called stiffly “walk around to the back. There’s space for the Hippogriff in a shed there. I’ll take Sirius in for some food and you’re welcome to join us once you’re done. Here, let me grab your trunk.”

You walked past Sirius, who was still very much so shaking in place and took the trunk from Remus and turned away briskly. Remus didn’t say anything and followed his orders obediently, too terrified and ashamed to respond at all. You walked back up to the man you never stopped loving and took his hand to lead him into the house.

“Y/N” he croaked. 

“Shhhhhhh, it’s okay love. I know you have lots to tell me, but we’re gonna get some food in you first, okay?”

He just nodded and allowed you to take him to the breakfast nook in your kitchen. You reluctantly released his hand to get him a glass of water and once you set the glass down you heard the back door open and close. Remus walked in silently and took his place across from Sirius. Not knowing what to say he just fiddled with his hands awkwardly as you placed the kettle on the stove. 

“Remus I know you’ll want some, but would you like some tea as well Siri.”

He just nodded while staring off into space.

You smiled warmly at him then turned to Remus, who still refused to meet your eyes.

“Remus” your gaze unwavering as he reluctantly looked up from an apparently very interesting spot on the table. “Two lumps of sugar right?”

“Uh. yes, thank you.”

“And Sirius only likes one. Okay, I’ll get supper started right away.”

Soon enough you were throwing ingredients in a pot to make some stew and baking some biscuits. The aroma was intoxicating for Sirius, who hadn’t had a home cooked meal in twelve years. You had always been a good cook and he found himself almost to the point of tears as you placed his supper in front of him.

You sat yourself beside Sirius and across from Remus casually as if there was nothing to talk about. Remus stared at you in awe, dumbfounded at your calm grasp at the situation. Not knowing how you could be cool headed when you hadn’t seen both of the loves of your life in over a decade.

“Please, dig in. You two look starving.”

Everything was a lot less awkward once you all had something to do. Sirius practically wolfed down his food and didn’t even need to ask before you were already filling his bowl with seconds. He looked so fragile. All you wanted to do was hold him, but it had been so long you weren’t sure how he’d changed and what his boundaries would be. What his innocence even meant for you two, for you three.

“Thank you”

Sirius’s hand found his way to yours and gave it a gentle squeeze. His hands weren’t as strong as they used to be, but at least now that he had food in his system his hands weren’t trembling. You gained the courage to look into his eyes. They were intense and sincere. Your eyes were then drawn to the bags under his. They weighed down his face heavily; what a burden to have to carry alone. 

“Come on Siri, let’s get you cleaned up before bed, yeah? Remus while I run him a bath I have some thawed chicken breast for our friend out back, if you’d be so inclined. I’ll make sure to get some more food for him tomorrow.” 

With that you led Sirius up the stairs to the bathroom and had him sit on the toilet as you got everything ready.

“I know you’re exhausted and I promise you can sleep soon-”

Sirius interrupted, “No, no it’s fine. I can’t remember the last time I felt clean. I really appreciate it.”

“Okay well I’ll leave you to it then. I’ll check in later okay.”

“Y/N”

“Yes Siri”

“Thank you.” his bottom lip started to tremble “So much.”

It didn’t take long for you to reach him and rub his arm soothingly. “Hey love it’s okay. It’s gonna be alright”

“But Remus told me everything and I- I’m just so sorr-”

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. Remus and I will be fine. We’ll all be fine. We just need to communicate and figure some things out. None of what happened was your fault and I swear if I ever get my hands on that fucking rat I’ll-”

You were interrupted by a soft chuckle and your hands being clasped together between larger ones. You hadn’t even noticed you stopped rubbing his arm and replaced that action with clenching your fists in rage. He then placed a delicate kiss on the back of each hand before looking up at you. 

“You’ve always felt the need to fight others' battles for them.” 

Your anger sank back down to the depths where you normally kept it hidden.

“I will be right back. You get settled while I check on Remus.”

“Okay, try to be gentle with him though. I’m not angry at him believing what he believed. I mean all the facts pointed towards-”

You left and shut the door abruptly before you had to hear more of what he had to say. Your wounds never healed and you weren’t about to let him rub salt in them. Everything had been so much to take and just waiting to burst out through the surface, but you had to take care of your boys. Well, they weren’t your boys anymore, but you knew you had to help them pick up the pieces, whether they were yours or not. So you tried your best to strengthen your will as you made your way down the stairs, heart pounding heavily once you reached the doorway into the kitchen.

Your resolve however, broke, as your heart settled and warmed once you saw the sight in front of you. There was Remus drying the dishes as he hummed quietly to himself. Relieved that he didn’t sense your presence, because everything was too much and you just couldn’t stop the tears from forming. You silently padded across the kitchen and wrapped your arms tightly around the man in front of you, pressing yourself tightly against his back. 

“I’m so sorry” you mumbled.

He blinked. You were quiet but loud enough for him to hear.  He removed your hands from his torso and turned to hold you to his chest instead. One hand rubbed your back while the other cradled your head. “I didn’t realize that you had anything to apologize for. You were right all along, I was just too blind to see.”

“I’m happy I’m right believe me, but this isn’t the kind of thing I want to rub in. We lost too much. We’ve all had to wait 12 years and then we lost Sirius and then I gave up on us and-” 

“Shhh, love. I gave up on the man who needed me the most and I lost you because of my own damn foolishness.” he paused to place his hand under your chin to raise your gaze to his while his thumb wiped your tears away. “I never stopped thinking about you. Every day I regretted pushing you away. I still regret, I regret not chasing you as you left. I regret letting my fear of your rejection stop me from feeling joy for the past decade. I regret not begging for you to come back.”

You buried your face in his chest again finding comfort in his strong embrace, but you still couldn’t rid yourself of guilt and confusion.

“Oh Rem, I was so angry. I didn’t understand how you could believe it and it wasn’t fair we were even put in that position.”

“Are you still angry?”

“Yes and no. I’m not particularly angry at anyone anymore other than myself. I don’t know. I just wanted to make everything alright again and I couldn’t, I can’t.”

“That’s not a burden you should of had to bear alone, that you don’t have to bear alone”

You both stayed in silence for a while.

“Rem?”

“Yes Y/N?”

“Please stay. I don’t know what’s going on other than I know I need you here. Please, don’t go.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You both stayed like that for a few minutes before you reluctantly broke your hold. 

“I’m gonna go check on Sirius”

---

Sirius had his head tilted back, not remembering the last time he was able to feel warmth like this, but also completely aware of how he was alone with his own thoughts. He raised his head as he heard a soft knock at the door. 

“Yes?”

“It’s Y/N, can I come in?”

“Of course.”

He rested his head back in the comfort your presence brought, letting the bliss overtake his finally relaxed state. Y/N smiled at the sight, completely happy as he seemed somewhat okay in the moment. You sat down beside him cross legged, taking in the face you could only see in your dreams for the past decade.

“I talked to Remus.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, honestly I don’t know what’s going on. Other than you two are gonna be staying here for a while so I can take care of you. I just came to check in before I got your bed ready.” 

You gripped the edge of the tub to lift yourself up, but before you could even move Sirius had his hand locked around your wrist.

“Wait- please don’t go.” 

“Everything alright?”

“Darling, I’ve had to be by myself for the past decade, I’m not exactly in need of alone time. Would you please keep me company? ”

“Anything you need.”

Instead of loosening his grip completely he replaced his hold from your wrist to your hand.

“Just need you here, that’s all I need.”

 His thumb rubbed the back of your hand in soothing circles and you couldn’t believe your hand had been empty of his for so long. You remembered that Sirius was always a man of action. Sure, he could be a little spitfire. He could get your tongue tied just as quick as he loosened it, however he showed his love with action. You were the same. So you couldn’t help but smile at the sigh that escaped his lips as you scratched at his scalp.  

“Here Siri, let me help you get cleaned up.”

He just nodded, welcoming to any sort of soft touch that he had been without for so long.

You grabbed a washcloth and slowly moved it up along his arms. Every movement as soft and tender as Sirius was right now. There was no sexual motive in what you were doing, but it did feel just as intimate. Tears started rolling down his face freely when you started massaging the shampoo into his scalp. 

“Y/N you don’t even know, you don’t even know how much I missed your hands, shit”

“It’s alright love. I know, believe me” you cooed reassuringly.

Finally when his hair was washed you started combing through his thick locks. Everything felt timeless and you wished you could make him feel this good for ages, but the goosebumps on his arms told you it was time to get out.

“I bet that water is pretty cold now, come on. Up you get.”

He just stared at you like you were the only good thing left on this earth as you dried him and eventually handed him a towel to wrap around his waist.

Knock Knock. “Hey, is it alright if I come in.” Well, maybe not the only good thing.

“Sure Moons,” Sirius answered.

Remus entered what he thought could be casual until he saw the bare chested man standing two feet in front of him, his cheeks turning a slight tinge of pink before he remembered why he was there.

“Here, I figured you’d want some clean clothes to wear so I brought some of mine to sleep in.”

“Well actually…” You responded. “You know what, just follow and I’ll show you.”  

They trailed behind you cautiously, very afraid of the sudden anxious tone of your voice. Once you all were in your room you gestured for them to sit on the bed and moved towards your dresser. Finally you broke the silence. 

“Don’t judge me too harshly but..”

“Oh y/n love, why?” Sirius asked.

The sight in front of him broke his heart. You with a heap of his old clothing that you placed beside him on the bed. The thought of you never moving on, of never healing and just living your life constantly seeing the remnants of the love you lost.

“I couldn’t do it. I know it’s not healthy, but they were the only thing I had left of you and I couldn’t bear it” you choked.

Sirius was there to catch your tears as he held your face tightly to his chest. Soon enough you felt another comforting figure wrap his long arms around both you and Sirius as he nestled in behind you. 

“This is ridiculous” you sniffled “I’m supposed to be taking care of you two, not the other way around.”

“We’ll take care of eachother darling.” Sirius replied.

“Like we were always supposed to. Can’t do this by yourself, love. I know I can’t do this alone anymore either.” Remus added. 

You breathed in contentment, feeling like someone finally removed the boulder that was placed on your chest. Your brain wasn’t free of all its constraints however, for you still had a million questions burning in the back of your mind.

“Siri,” you sighed “you really should get some rest.”

“But he smells so good.” Remus chided

Sirius just chuckled. 

“Well I’ll leave you boys to get ready, I’m not tired yet.”

With that you weaseled your way out from between them. Already missing the warmth, but still insecure with all the undefined things that maybe could never be defined again. You looked to see two very disappointed men and giggled.

“Seriously you two, just get yourselves comfortable and don’t worry about me, okay.”

You made your way downstairs, a thousand thoughts running through your head. That boulder was finding its way onto your chest again. Have you ever stopped loving them? No, of course not. Did they feel the same? What would this mean? Were you all in a relationship again? Had Remus forgiven you for leaving? Sirius seems like he wants you around, or does he just want comfort? Someone familiar to ease him in. God all you wanted to do was fall asleep in their arms again, but your fear was making your brain go haywire. So you decided you’d let Sirius take the bed and Remus would probably stay with him. Maybe they won’t notice you thought to yourself as you pulled a blanket over your body and let your eyelids become dark blank canvases.

---

The floorboards creaked with the unfamiliarity of Sirius and Remus’s feet. Finally they paused once they reached their destination and suddenly weren’t as confused as to why you had never come back up again. You were in a restless sleep, twitching and muttering to yourself. You awoke with a gasp, despite being awoken by a gentle touch. 

“Y/N, I thought you weren’t tired?” Remus questioned.

“Well, maybe I was a little tired…”

This time Sirius began his own interrogation. 

“Would you like to inform us why you’re sleeping on the couch in your own house?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”

What you said was true enough but Sirius could feel your anxieties. He felt them the very same ones at first, but as soon as he saw you in the doorway he remembered all the nights he dreamed of you only to have dementors take them away. He wasn’t shaking cause he was scared. He was shaking because he was so completely overwhelmed that you were a real thing in front of him. In Azkaban deranged illusions of you were hardly attainable, and when they were they were ones that only inflicted pain. Then an angel answered the door and now this angel was doubting herself. 

“12 years I’ve had to sleep without you in my arms. I would fall asleep to the sound of your breathing. I haven’t had a proper sleep since the last time I saw you. 12 years! Do you know how many days that is?”

“4380, would you like me to include the days since you’ve escaped as well?”  

Remus answered cheekily, while dodging a swipe from Sirius as he continued.

“Besides, you’re not the only one who hasn’t slept. She would always sleep in the middle then suddenly it was too cold.”

"See you don't want us to be cold do you? That wouldn't be very comfortable."

You giggled at Sirius’s furrowed eyebrows.

Suddenly that stern gaze was turned into a warm smile as he spoke.

“Fuck, forgot all the cute noises you could make. That does it. This couch is too small for all three of us and I’m feeling too bloody selfish and sleep deprived to figure this shit out. Y/N you and Remus are the loves of my life and I’m not sleeping another night ever again without both of you within my reach understand? Pick her up Moony.” 

Soon enough your legs were wrapped around Remus’s waist and your arms were mimicking those actions around his neck. Truly a koala. Remus took you up the stairs while Sirius trailed closely behind. Your head was pressed into Remus’s neck but luckily your arms didn’t cover your eyes so you could gaze upon the beauty that was Sirius; still not quite believing it was yours to behold again. Your view however was subsided once you were placed on the bed. It didn’t take long for your back to be pressed firmly against Remus as you buried your head against Sirius’s chest. The weight of loving arms across your body replaced the weight of the world you once had to carry alone. 

And you knew you’d never want to fall asleep any other way again.

---

Shoutout to @thotbutpurple for encouraging me to write!

[maddieinwonder]

The Seventh

Slight Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None at all

Word Count: 1.6k

Plot: Reader hears a lot of rumours about the BAU before she applies to join the team. (Part 2 here!)

Author's Note: I love the idea of the BAU being notorious in the FBI, because honestly, they totally would be! And I would be lying if I said I've never crushed hard irl on a mysterious genius boy...

Masterlist

------------

Before you decided to join the BAU, you had heard all kinds of gossip about its members. It was a hot topic among your colleagues, but you could hardly blame them for the shameless act, when you left one ear open for it yourself.

Professionally, if they weren't called the BAU, people called them the "serial killer guys", since they couldn't seem to escape them in their cases. But among your lunch group, they were called "The Seven".

It was an embarrassing name in your opinion, too easily implying that the BAU was elite, untouchable. But the more you learned about them, the more you thought there could some truth to it.

Number One was SSA Hotchner, the unit chief known for his stone cold attitude. You heard a rumour that he once threatened the BAU section chief without so much as batting an eye. Anybody else would have been fired on the spot, but it seemed that Hotchner was so unrivalled in his job that he was asked to stay anyway.

Hotchner's opposite was SSA Rossi, who seemed to be the more "human" of the two, but that didn't make him any less intimidating. He was famous both in and out of the FBI, having built the BAU from the ground up, and written multiple best-selling books about criminal analysis. Why he decided to return to the BAU was a mystery to everyone, but you had a feeling he actually missed it.

Then there was SSA Prentiss. Everyone's consensus was that she seemed nice, but ultimately professional. People theorised that her political upbringing made her into a politician herself, but you once saw her in the BAU office laughing so hard that tears started rolling down her cheeks, and that's when you decided she couldn't be as stiff as the rest made her out to be.

SSA Morgan was the one everybody liked, on a shallow level at least. All your fingers and toes weren't enough to count how many people you knew had a crush on him. You've seen grown women visibly swoon when he walked by, which was partially hilarious for you, but also partially embarrassing for womenkind. You could see the appeal, somewhat, but he wasn't your speed.

Your favourite was JJ. Jennifer Jareau was the BAU's communications liaison and the only one you'd dare call a friend. You'd worked with her on multiple cases in the past, and in fact, she was the one who recommended you for the new position. She's a complete sweetheart, but you also knew that she once headshot an unsub right in the BAU office to protect Penelope. That fact only increased your admiration for her.

She was also the one to introduce you to the BAU's infamous technical analyst. You had heard of Penelope Garcia prior to that, but she so rarely emerged from her office that you almost thought she was a myth. The real person was unlike an FBI agent at all, always donning some combination of bright colours, feathers, and/or sparkles. Most people who'd seen her labelled her as a weirdo, but there was something about her, a sense of positivity, that you loved.

Last but not least, the one that slipped under everyone's radar, Dr. Spencer Reid. People didn't talk much about Dr. Reid because, well, there was nothing really to talk about. He was the youngest person to ever join the FBI, had an IQ of 187, and you thought he was far too pretty to be doing a job this terrible, but that's where the conversations usually ended.

Everything that could be said, envied, or admired about the genius had simply been covered already, and he offered no new fodder for the gossip trolls to chew on; he rarely left the office, he didn't mingle with the other departments, and frankly, everyone thought he was socially awkward.

Yet, you found yourself continuously coming back to him in your thoughts. Maybe, subconsciously, you wanted to join the BAU so that you could figure him out.

The first time you met Dr. Reid, he was giving the profile of an unsub to the larger team. His words sped by so quickly, yet with so much insight and detail that you found yourself scrunching your face in concentration in order to get it all, and that impressed you.

You had always been a quick study but you instantly knew that Dr. Reid would be a challenge, both professionally and personally, and you hadn't even got to know him yet.

As you submitted the request to join the BAU, you admit that the excitement of that challenge was at the forefront of your mind. And when you were called into SSA Hotchner's office a few months later, the thought rang in your head even louder.

"Agent Hotchner, you called for me?" You asked at his door, suddenly feeling timid in the face of your potential boss.

"Sit down, agent," he said without looking up. As you took a seat, he opened a file that was undoubtedly yours and looked up. His eyebrows were furrowed, but if what you'd heard about him was true, this didn't necessarily mean anything bad. And you were right.

"I have your test results with me," he began. "Firstly, I'd like to congratulate you for scoring the highest in your class." You swore he almost cracked a smile.

"I've also heard a lot about you. Your boss had many good things to say about your work ethic, your field experience, and your commitment to justice," he continued.

Now it was your turn to smile.

"But I want to know the real reason why you want to join the BAU." Your smile faltered slightly, something that you're sure Hotchner would pick up on.

He leaned forward in his desk, purposefully applying pressure on the situation, and you let out a quiet breath in preparation.

"The reason I wanted to join the BAU may not be new to you, but I'm looking for a challenge. I want to make a change." You started. "I understand that those two may be contradictory principles, but I believe I can grow and do a lot of good with the BAU."

"And what if the job gets too much for you?" He asks, a flicker of emotion that I didn't recognise crossing his face.

"I'm prepared for that," you said determinedly. "I may not know what this job will take from me, but I'd like the opportunity to prove that I can grow from it, sir."

Agent Hotchner eyed you for a moment before standing up. "Very well, then." He reached out his hand. "Welcome to the BAU."

You looked at his hand for a second, the shock barely registering, before scrambling to your feet. "Thank you, sir! I won't disappoint you!" You shake his hand grinning.

"And next time, just call me Hotch." He said, this time smiling amusedly at your enthusiasm.

"Got it, and thank you again, sir." You said, excusing yourself from his room with a noticeable skip in your step.

You tried to cool yourself off walking back to your department to share the good news, but the excitement proved too much to hold in when a familiar voice calls out to you.

"Hey babygirl, considering you just came out of Hotch's office with a smile, I'm guessing you're going to be our newest teammate."

You turned around, trying to swallow your giddiness, when you realised that person was none other than SSA Morgan.

"Agent Morgan," you stuck out your hand in greeting. "Nice to meet you, and yes, I am."

"Derek." He corrected, grinning as he shook your hand. "Looking forward to working closely with you."

"Just call him Morgan. Don't need to get too close to this player." SSA Prentiss nudged Derek out of the way, raising her hand to meet yours. "I'm Emily Prentiss."

You giggled at their closeness.

The rest of the introductions quickly followed, including hugs from JJ and Penelope, and a starstruck moment when Rossi left his office to personally welcome you to the team. But there was one person whom you hadn't formally met yet.

Dr. Reid had finally separated his head from his work amidst the commotion (plus a very strong encouragement from one Mr. Derek Morgan to "go get her, pretty boy") and walked up to you, a nervous gait in his step.

He stuck his hand out to your surprise, having heard that the doctor was a tad germaphobic, and shook yours. "Dr. Spencer Reid," he said. "But you can call me Spencer, everyone else does."

"Nice to meet you, Spencer." You tried out the foreign name on your tongue. "Honestly, I'm quite a fan of your academic papers. I'm looking forward to working with you."

You knew the genius was a bit awkward, but he instantly turned beet red at your words and retracted his hand. The thought that this was the first time somebody had complimented him this way made you a little sad. But you thought his reaction was incredibly cute, and apparently so did the rest.

"Pretty boy, pret-ty boy, is that how you should react around a lady?" Derek sing-songed, putting his arm around the poor genius' shoulders, tugging him down.

JJ shot you an apologetic look for her childish teammates, while the rest joined in to poke fun at Spencer. Although he was frowning, his voice betrayed no hints of annoyance. Clearly they were all very close.

You laughed along, feeling a growing warmth in your chest, and wondered if you'd be a part of this family in the future.

But first, you’d have to get used to being the Eighth.

------------

(Part 2 here!)

[lyallblacklupin]

Just like fire.

After years of regrets and sorrows, Remus tries to apologize to Sirius for his own mistakes, despite the fact that he has been hurt by the very same person who he wants to say sorry to. The years of damages has passed, should they give each other a chance, or start fresh with new people in life to forget their old wounds?

Tags: Heavy Angst, Fluff, Post-Azkaban, Angst with Happy Ending.

Sirius walks in the kitchen, completely heedless of Remus’ presence—or he pretends to be heedless after he catches the sight of Remus. He walks promptly, not limping but flinching at his aching bones. This is how Sirius Black has become: broken. And he has not just broken out of thin air, it has taken fourteen years which includes the twelve years of unjust imprisonment and two years of being a prison escapee, and Merlin knows how many more to go.

Half of Sirius’ time is spent in thinking about death and longing for it. Remus can tell because he has witnessed the hunger of dying in his eyes when he’d sit alone with himself, and the other half is always occupied in worrying about Harry Potter who is last person keeping him from dying out of misery; his dear godson only. Otherwise, he’d have been free.

He stops at the stove and boils the water on the kettle. He doesn’t have his wand so muggle way it is. Muggles have been growing on him, a lot. He keeps talking about them with Arthur. Remus is glad that if there is anything Sirius is looking forward to the order meetings is for the conversation with his new friend Arthur Weasley, who also attains the equal amount energy for the same subject. It makes Remus happy to witness that they have any reason to—even temporarily—lit up in the times of war. However, Sirius never smiles. He nods, or makes a funny face. He only smiles when Harry visits.

“If you want for yourself, it’s still in the kettle.” Sirius says without looking, and begins to walk out of the kitchen but Remus rises from his chair.

“Sirius.” He stops but doesn’t turn to face Remus.

“What?” His voice cut through Remus’ heart.

“I was hoping we could have tea together?” He tried, his heart hammering in his chest.

Sirius finally turns and hold his gaze. After a lingering eye contact, he nods and brings Remus’ tea with pink mug that has a David Bowie on it. He is slightly hopeful that Sirius has kept it because Remus gave him on their sixth year Christmas holidays. But he highly doubts that Sirius remembers it. Sirius sits across Remus’ seat. The silence is irksome.

“I want you to know that I’m sorry for…all that—“

“Define ‘that’, Remus?” Sirius’ facial expressions are blank but very grave.

“For believing the murder of Lily and James was because of you.”

Sirius scoffs, and Remus wants to scream because deep down inside he doesn’t feel he deserves it. He suffered too for twelve years. Even so, he tries to sustain the ceasefire he is trying to build between them.

“I should have believed that you would never have done anything like that to the Potters. You loved them more than anything in this world and—“

Remus pauses because Sirius is shaking his head with a manic smile playing on his lips.

“Wrong. I didn’t love them as I was supposed to. It wasn’t that I didn’t, but it was more like I couldn’t. My fucking stupid heart belonged to just one person that time as if my life would end if I stop centering my life on him.”

Remus swallowed. He knows that no kind of eloquent words are going to be good reply to what Sirius has said, so he says, “You did. Love them, that is. I know that.”

“Oh what did you know!?” He shoots up so violently that the chair collapses down on the floor that Remus inhales sharply, “You were out there kissing Dumbledore’s shoes!”

He knew that this will happen, that he will be humiliated again just like the times in the first war when Sirius would scream at him for going on the secret missions and not giving a clue about when and where he would go and come back, and for not being there for his friends and family. But in reality, all Remus did was to protect the order, and the people he loved. However, the questions still pops in his head, ‘for what? How did he not see it that they were breaking apart?’ It feels like he was watering a dead plant over and over again during the severity of lacking water, but the plant didn’t revive, and the precious water spilled into filthiest vain. Despite of that, Remus shuts his mind and chooses that pettiest way to get back at the person who endured twelve years of imprisonment for the crime he never committed.

“Don’t you dare!” Remus rises from his chair too, leveling up at Sirius, “Don’t you dare go down there again after all these years!”

“WHY NOT!?” Sirius yelled anyway, “YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS NOW! YOU NEVER BELIEVED ME! EVEN BEFORE YOU THOUGHT I BETRAYED JAMES AND LILY!”

“WHEN DID YOU BELIEVE ME!?” Remus is now few inches away from Sirius. He wants to slam him against the wall and put some sense into him because he still cares about him, no matter what.

“WHAT!? You made me this way! You build this mistrust with your hands! Don’t you dare forget that!”

“I did!? Or was that you!? Who didn’t believe me when I said I was not allowed to tell to anyone!”

“I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ANYONE!” Sirius’ voice breaks poorly that hits like a dagger in Remus’ heart. Sirius holds himself by the chest and leans down to rest his torso on the kitchen table, breathing heavily. Remus instantly feels the stinging in his eyes, and followed by the hot tears spilling from them. He comes behind Sirius, and places a hand on his back.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Shut up. Just shut up.” Remus whispers, and pulls Sirius up in his arms. He sobs and sobs, and Remus sinks down to the floor with him, squeezing him tightly in his embrace. “You are right. You were never just anyone. You were never…” He tries to put his feelings into words but Sirius interrupts him.

“You stopped loving me.”

Remus feels his stomach twist but what comes out of his mouth is a laugh. An empty laugh.

“Hell, I didn’t even stop loving you even when I thought you killed James and Lily.”

Silence.

“I was disgusted by myself. I used to feel so filthy. To want you even after believing you ruined my life by walking away so brutally, killing my friends. Killing my reasons to stay on this planet. I wanted to hate you. I couldn’t. I didn’t think that I even deserved to go to their funeral, you know…because I thought I’d be downright hypocrite to grieve for their loss when I was actually grieving the loss of you. I’d dream about you. The only thought keeping me sane and alive. Sirius, I’m not sure if this makes sense to you…I don’t even know if I’m asking you to love me back or what, but I have always loved you, mostly when I shouldn’t…”

Sirius is staring at him with his tears streaming so rapidly down his cheeks. He is trembling as sobs are racking through his body, his breath hitching every now and then. Remus’ heart breaks to see him like that. It is like Sirius is cleansing himself with all of the unwanted darkness off his soul by spilling all the expanse of pain in form of tears. Remus can see that he is not stopping himself from weeping. He seems lost somewhere, with his eyes shut and his hand on his mouth.

“I am not defending myself,” Remus whispers once he notices Sirius is just sniffling and wiping the dampness from his face, “I never meant to bring that up. I just want to let you know that whatever you went through had not even a single place or moment you deserved to be at.”

Sirius looks up with wide teary eyes, staring at Remus’ hopefully. He looks innocent and raw.

“Tell me,” His voice rough with tears but still a whisper. He clears his throat, “that I deserved all of that.”

“That is not true.” Remus says instantly, his hands grasping Sirius’ wrist instinctively, fearing he might fade away with the wind swooping in from the kitchen window.

“It is,” He says in the weakest voice, “My mistakes brought me here. For not trusting you enough…”

No words comes out from Remus’ mouth but they are caught in his throat like a lump. He can feel their prickling. The silence stretches on, smoothly breaking by the sounds of fire battling the wind filling the kitchen. There is also some faint sounds of dripping water from the tap into the basin. Someone must have forgotten to turn it fully. Huh, wizards.

“You are one celestial presence on the world, Remus Lupin, aren’t you…” Sirius chuckles softly, leaning back on the paddles of the chair to rest his back on them. Remus doesn’t understand but Sirius continues, “You are…this sacred or a saint-like wizard—half-blood werewolf whose father committed suicide because he thought he was the reason for his son’s affliction, and whose mother faded away with grief…”

Remus’ heart feels fragile in his chest, fearing it might break again after the poor mending.

“Merlin puts a very heavy price on people to pay who hurt Remus Lupin, who mistrust Remus Lupin...who thinks little of Remus Lupin.”

There is something strange in Sirius’ eyes. There is surrender and envy but Remus stares back into those glistening, and almost-silver orbs with courage to find what he wants. And he does. There it is. Love, swirling into the diffusion of grey and blue.

“I paid twelve years of losing myself and my family for mistrusting you, Remus.”

“I’m sorry…” He doesn’t expect his voice to whimper but it does because his chin is trembling and he is trying hard to gain composure. He is trying so hard with his clenched jaw, and balled fists in either sides of his lap. But Sirius put a thumb under his chin, and he shudders.

“You’re so stupid, Moony.” Sirius whispers when he is just an inch away from his lips.

“I know,” And just as those lips touched his, he feels a tear trickle down his cheek before Sirius has completely captured his mouth. They move languidly but cautiously, scared they might break each other again with haste and roughness. They don’t trust themselves to be firm either. Remus doesn’t. But when Sirius pulls back a little, he comes back and kisses him again decisively on the lips.

“I don’t know if it is still worth it,” Sirius says when both of them are resting their foreheads against each other, breathing in and out one and other, “But I want you to know that I don’t blame you for anything. Maybe I did. Just to keep myself sane by pretending to believe the lies I made within my already suffocated brain.”

Remus lets out a small laugh, which follows by Sirius’ arms wrapping his waist.

“I hope you can still accept me despite of everything, Remus.”

Remus hold his jaw, and tries to smile at him because he still feels like it is not enough. Nothing is enough with Sirius Black. It is always so much, even in this flickering flame which is almost dead. He knows that it will ignite again to fiery life once they become one. They are dangerously perfect for each other. He leans in to kiss the back of his ear, and inhales a whiff just like the wolf would do when Padfoot would return on first full moon after the summers, to recognize his mate. Sirius smells of rain and cigarette, mixing the aroma of the tea that has been sitting out in two mugs before their argument.

“I do. And I hope the same from you for myself?” Remus cringes after he realizes how lame they sound next to Sirius’ words. After few minutes which feels like hours to Remus, Sirius gropes his hands to hold both of his wrists, with his eyes still locked with Remus. He then bends down to press a lingering kiss on the right, and then on the left. Remus just looks at him, feeling utterly weightless in Sirius’ hands.

“I will not fail you again, Remus.”

“I trust you. I love you,” Remus says with all of the broken words spilling out his mouth, “I love you so much. I will not let you go. I will not let you be alone.”

They embraces each other again, just enjoying the warmth and the closeness. It reminds Remus of their time at Hogwarts when their limbs used to be wrapped around each other at every possible free period, smoking cigarettes at the Astronomy Tower.

“Don’t make such promises, my dear Moony.”

“You’re just saying that because you’ll be annoyed of me for sticking around you all the time.” Remus wipes his tears, and Sirius helps him too with his sleeve, shaking with silent laughter.

“Yeah, maybe. Just don’t follow me in the bathroom.”

“Can’t make such promises, my dear Padfoot.”

 Thankyou for reading!

[keisukeenthusiast]

I LIKE YOU, BUT YOU LOVE HIM. Characters: baji keisuke, chifuyu matsuno, y/n (self insert) Mention: love triangle, character de@th, just bunch of dumb teenagers in love. Warning ⚠️: mention of character de@th

-------------------------------------------------- On morning monday, "good morning chifuyu!!" said you greeting him with a smile plastered on your face. "good morning y/n", just by seeing your smiling happy face can make his day two times better than it should be. Chifuyu matsuno, the boy who is so in love with you. "Bajiiiii good morningggg!! did you get a good sleep last night!?" your eyes full of light and loving gaze when you talk to baji and chifuyu noticed it. "well no shit, i was so happy that i can finally complete my math tasks. very proud of myself " baji replied with shit eating grin. Its been 2 years since you has a feeling towards baji. You and baji are childhood friends that mikey introduced the two of you to each other when in his granpa dojo classes. You can't help but fall for baji, he's not only loyal, but also his chaotic persona that makes him glowing and attractive to you. Can't ignored the fact chifuyu also admired and adored baji like baji are some kind of 'hero' to him. But the idea of you liking baji instead of him makes him feel sick and jealous, chifuyu understand why you fall for baji instead of falling for him but- "why baji-san??" *three years later* Chifuyu feelings for you still the same as ever, never changed. And yet here you are happily in relationship with baji. Chifuyu stares at your direction from afar admiring how cute your face was when you smiling like a little kid when baji crack telling some dumb jokes. He's wishing that instead of baji, he's the one who should make you smiling like that NOT baji. He wish that he is the one who should've stay by your side and calling you 'his'. You began to noticed chifuyu's gaze towards you. "Chifuyu!! come here! join us!!" you shouted, "No thank you y/n! , just enjoy your time with baji-san!!" he shouted back. "What's wrong with chifuyu today? why he suddenly doesn't wanna to joined us? its not like we're on a date or sum!?" baji murmurs enough for you to hear. Chifuyu put a fake smile on his face before his back facing the two of you and baji. (The day when "bloody Halloween" incident happen) *at your house* "Peyoung date tonight??" baji grinning on his face just to make sure that nothin seems off to you knowing bad things would happen to himself and alot of people involved with the gangs fight tonight. He knows bad things going to happen tonight so why would he still keeping it going?? maybe he's doing this for his bestfriends sake? but he promised not to leave you right?? ofc he's not going to leave you, baji always keep his words. "yeah sure! but promise me you going back early tonight okay!?" you pout. Baji smiles but this smile seems different from the other smiles he ever shows you. This smiles full of genuine, worried, regret. But his face still shining bright, the face you've always loved. so it should be okay right?? "Well i can't promise you that.. but listen y/n, whatever will happening tonight just remember that i've always loved you. So, if anything happens to me.. chifuyu will be there for yo-" you cut him off. "What are you talking about keisuke? what are you trying to say? huh??" You can't help but worried and curious of what he's trying to tell you. "Ohhhh look at that faceee!! you worried?? I was just joking dumbass! nothin will ever happen to me ya know!? Im keisuke baji after all !" baji IS trying to change the subject. "see ya later, i love you" Didn't know that was his last words talking to you, EVER. *six hours later* You heard a knock from your front door. Excitedly you opened the door thinking that was your boyfriend keisuke baji making his promises come true but- Chifuyu?? 'What is chifuyu doing here? Where's baji??' "what's up chifuyu? you bleeding pretty bad.. where is baji??" "where is baji??" "where is baji??" "where is baji??" Those three words keep replaying in his head. Chifuyu doesn't dare to look at you in the eyes. All this time his head only looking at the floor. "H-his last words was 'y/n' " chifuyu finally speak. However you still dead confused what

is he talking about so you invited him into your house. You know, you know something bad happened, but it doesn't involved baji right?? "Baji-san.. baji-san died in the middle of a fight.." 'Baji... died????' 'WHAT' You feel numb. you doesn't know how to react. All you can do is crying over the fact Baji is already dead. *2 weeks after baji's death* You sits infront of baji's grave, still can't accept the fact baji is really leaving you. And here you are, pathetically crying infront of his grave. "y/n look! look at that kitty~ so cute! How about we adopt him? he can be our child!" baji grin. Now its all just a memories that you will never forget and cherished about. You finally smiled, you smile because you know baji hates to see you cry and if he see you in this state right now he will mad at himself because he thought he is the reason why you cry. Baji has always been like that. That's why you love him the most. After you wipes all of your tears, you turns your head to see Chifuyu standing there already looking at you. "Y/n i need to talk to you, pls follow me" You followed him without thinking back. "Y/n, im sure baji-san wanted you to move on and live your life as before without him.. baji-san told me before that if something ever happened to him, im the one who should be taking care of you. Baji-san really loves you y/n.. so he wanted the best for you " Said chifuyu. "So, what do you meant by all of that?" You eager to know. "I like you y/n. i liked you from the first time I've met you. So i wanted to take care of you and make you happy.." the boy said again. "Really?? after only two weeks of baji's death?? Where's the respect? and if you think im going to say 'yes' then you're wrong.. i would never love somebody else other than baji himself. Did you know how much hurt my heart still?? what do you even know? have you ever lost your lover!?--" "I KNOW GODDAMMIT!!! I KNOW YOU STILL LOVES BAJI-SAN! I KNOW ALL OF THAT! BUT HOW ABOUT ME???... i respect and adored baji-san more than you think, but that doesn't matter right now.. i wanted to make you happy just like how baji san told me to, and i think this is the right time for me to finally confessed to you about my feelings toward you! pls be MINE". "right time??? are you fucking serious???! this is the right time!?!? don't make me laugh! why the fuck would you think this is the right time?? funny how you have betrayed your own bestfriend, Chifuyu. I'm so sorry but, never once in my life I've seen you as the person i will fell in love with.. i only see you as my friends! only friend Chifuyu!! I can't.. I'm sorry". Day started to raining as you leaving Chifuyu alone.. with his shattered heart. How could you did this to him?? But its for good right? better than if you're in relationship with him but your heart and your mind still has baji that's NOT fair.. Your figure became smaller and smaller while chifuyu staring at it with his teary eyes. And that is the day you,baji, and chifuyu never see each other again..