#also i haven't been active on here in ages but it made me so emotional that i had to share that bc i think a lot of y'all feel similarly

[thesuneternal]

I've rarely been as emotional because of a player leaving a club as I was today because of Marco and I know it's gonna be even worse when Mats leaves

[otomiyaa]

Re: Catching Up

Finally reading the reblogs and mentions of my tag game (my main reason for starting that was to read about what y'all are up to while I neglected tha dashboard lolol) and dumping some replies here to some peeps I follow^^

General note to all: so happy to see the multiple excited reactions to Inside Out 2 hehehe, I loved it so much T0T

@crazy-as-a-jaybird THE SIMS 4 LOVESTRUCK!!!!! I didn't know that was coming! I haven't played the sims in a long time, but gee that's exciting news, thnx! ..... I wonder if there will be some nice loveydovey tickle animations in there....

@italeean "You guys probably already know what I'll say" (about Jujutsu Kaisen 0 movie), actually I don't know 👀 it's been a while since I saw that movie when it was released in the cinema here, but you made me curious to your reaction. What did you think? :3

@giggly-squiggily omg Blue Lock & Haikyuu hypehype and did you also love to see these lazy gamer guys Kenma and Nagi dominate the big screens as heroes to their respective movies, so shortly after each other, what a time to be alive 🤩

@fantasizes-tickles-daily My Adventures with Superman ng;dngifdgjdhljfni;oji I still need to start the new season but omfg I'm so glad finally someone else is into this hehehe, I love that! I'm also not a big DC fan, I didn't even see most movies, but I LOVE THIS ONE. Clark is the cutest isn't he?

@eliankrios YOU PLAY THE SIMS 4????? 👀 also thank you for those banger song recs. I only knew 'save my life' from xandria but not valentine or others :3

@wertzunge Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, I saw that one on the plane a while ago, I enjoyed that too!!! I wonder if they will do more :3 I never played the game though....

@tiklart SHARK MOVIE SUFFERERS WE ARE HAHA, also good luck on your exams!🫶 sending good luck vibes~

@gladdygirl18 ❤️❤️❤️ sending good love life prayers, hope all will go well! and yay for fellow minecraft enjoyer :D

@sunstone-smiles I LOVE ESPRESSO odjs;dgjhih ih but I didn't like it at first either :') it had to grow on me too.

@kusuguricafe seeing you talk about your genshin abyss teams makes me go 💀💀💀 it's been so long since I played genshin, especially abyss. Are you managing the 3 stars each chamber f12 cuz I've only succeeded like once at it or smth. oh and I hope you'll have fun writing again soon! Don't push yourself too much for tickletober, as long as it stays fun*w*

@blobbirobbi wow I knew all 3 of those artists but not those songs, thnx for the recs :D especially the Måneskin hohoho

@sleepysheepytea feels indeed like ages since I saw your activity on my dash, wishing you the best of luck with work and stuff^^

@hypahticklish that was literally my reaction too to the movie The Fall Guy, I loved that so much and you described it so well 😍 I thought it would be a "Haha funny" movie but it really moved me and I also didn't expect the first part to be so emotional. p.s. thnx for the blank copy paste, sorry for forgetting 🥲🥲

@a-fluffer-nutter wow good luck on the move to the UK and congrats on 8 years tumblr, I still remember you being one of the first tk blogs i encountered 😌

@lovelymessybubbly wooow it feels like AGES, sorry to hear about the low mental energy but hope you're doing well ^^!

[666writingcafe]

Checking In

Lucifer

Once my brothers are settled in for the evening, I quietly leave the House and begin walking back to the castle. I need to apologize to Diavolo for what happened a few hours ago, but more importantly, I need to see Zephyr. I haven't quite decided whether to yell at them or comfort them.

The exhausted look in their eyes as they answer the door to one of the spare bedrooms tells me that they're not in the mood for a lecture.

Normally, that doesn't stop me from giving one, but for some reason, I can't find it in me to berate Zephyr for their actions. Not even a little bit.

They walk over to the desk they have set up and start looking through various papers. I make my way over to the bed and sit on the side facing them.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" I ask.

"Can't," Zephyr answers, more focused on their work than on me.

"Can't, or won't?" They glare at me briefly. "Simply a question, Zephyr. Nothing more."

"I have to distract myself. If I don't keep myself busy, I'm going to kill Solomon."

"For calling you 'MC'?" That got their attention. They look like they're moments away from biting my head off.

"Listen, I understand why you're upset."

"Do you?" they bark angrily.

"You trusted him to keep your old identity a secret, yes?" Zephyr blinks awkwardly before closing their eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Lucifer. I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It's just..." Another deep breath as their eyes begin watering.

"It's okay. Take your time."

"I'll be fine." Sighing, they leave their desk and sit beside me on the bed.

"Do you want to know why I answered Diavolo's ad in the paper?" they ask me. I shrug.

"I assumed it was for the money." Zephyr shakes their head.

"I had to make the transition alone. I didn't want you guys to have the same experience I did, because it was rough."

"You weren't always a demon?" Another sigh.

"I was born human, Lucifer."

Oh. That explains a few things.

"I come from a long line of powerful and notorious sorcerers," they continue. "Everyone in my family wants to cause as much chaos as possible simply because they find it hilarious to watch people suffer. I didn't participate in any of their illegal and shady activities, obviously, but I still had a target on my back. No matter where I went in the human world, people were on the hunt for me. I was more or less a fugitive, and all because I was related to a whole bunch of criminals.

"Then one day, I met a group of demons. They were part of an organization that granted humans asylum in the Devildom. I told them my story, and they not only encouraged me to seek it out, but they also made sure that my application was approved as quickly as possible. However, that meant shedding all my ties to the human world and becoming a full-fledged demon. Shortly after I arrived here, the organization was forced to dissolve, and any evidence of its existence disappeared without a trace."

I'm not surprised something like that happened. If Diavolo is telling me the truth about his father, then I have no doubt that he had a heavy hand in annihilating that organization.

"So where does Solomon come in all this?"

"He's worked with my family over the course of my childhood. I was told he was a friend, but I learned at a very young age to not trust anyone that they liked."

"And yet you have his mark on you."

"That's because when we reconnected several years later, I learned that he was trying to become a more reputable sorcerer. Of course, I didn't believe him at first, but then I started hearing good things about him from people I did trust. Eventually, I wanted to help him with his goal, and so I agreed to enter a pact with him."

"I see."

Well, no wonder Zephyr's able to remain calm around us. We probably seem like a fucking cake walk compared to what they've been through. And having to do it all by themselves on top of it?

I feel a strange mix of emotions: sadness, anger, and...

Pride.

Which makes very little sense. How can I be proud of someone that I barely know? They're just our attendant, after all.

Or are they?

Tears threaten to spill out of Zephyr's eyes again.

I shouldn't stay here. Maybe I can flag down one of Diavolo's servants and have them get tissues or something for them.

But I have to remain professional. Who knows what would happen if I give in?

My heart beats my brain. Soon, I'm holding Zephyr in my arms as they quietly cry into my chest.

Memories of me comforting my siblings like this begin playing in my head. Is Zephyr family? They've certainly integrated quite well into ours, but that's only so that they can better assist us, right?

And yet the way they're grabbing onto me...

Eventually, they pull back, and as I let go of them, our eyes meet. For one brief yet scary moment, they look exactly like Lilith.

I lean in and kiss their forehead, for old time's sake.

But then my brain takes over again, and I'm suddenly questioning everything I just did.

"Sorry," I mumble, scrambling to get out of that room before I do something stupid again. I shouldn't be feeling this way about them. Even if they weren't born a demon, that doesn't change the fact that they've been one for much longer than me and my brothers have. I still have to lead by example, and I can't do that if I'm too busy fawning over them.

Who cares what they think? You deserve to be happy.

I'm going to need some time alone to think.

~~~

A Few Days Later

A Text Conversation

Lucifer: Are you doing okay?

Zephyr (MC): That's funny. I was about to text you the very same question.

Lucifer: Of course you were.

Zephyr: To answer your question, I'm doing better. Might even head back to the cottage soon.

Lucifer: That's good.

Lucifer: Listen, I want to properly apologize to you for what happened.

Zephyr: Which part?

Lucifer: Me running away.

Zephyr: *wide-eyed emoji*

Lucifer: What did you expect me to say, that I regretted comforting you when you needed it?

Zephyr: Kind of, yeah.

Lucifer: I know it seemed that way at the time, but I can assure you, that wasn't it at all.

Lucifer: It's taken me a bit for me to admit this, but I was scared.

Zephyr: Of?

Lucifer: My feelings.

Lucifer: The positive ones, I mean.

Zephyr: *confused sticker*

Lucifer: If it's alright with you, I'd like to get to know you more.

Zephyr: In a friendly way?

Lucifer: Something like that.

Zephyr: Lucifer...

Lucifer: Yes?

Zephyr: Why the indirect answer?

Lucifer: I'm still getting used to the idea of seeing you as more than simply an attendant. Please be patient with me.

Zephyr: Of course.

Zephyr: Are you wanting to do something low key, or do I need to find a fancy outfit?

Lucifer: *confused sticker*

Zephyr: Just trying to gauge where you're at, whether you're simply wanting to become friends or wishing for something more than that.

Lucifer: *several wide-eyed emojis*

Zephyr: Alright then. Low key it is. How about a nice stroll through one of the parks? Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. No pressure to do anything beyond walking and talking, and you can leave whenever for whatever reason, even if it's because you're simply sick of hearing the sound of my voice droning on and on.

Lucifer: *a few laughing emojis*

Lucifer: Sounds good. Just let me know when and where.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch

[kochi999]

I always draw only Arcade porn, but today I really thought about "why I like Arcade" and drew it seriously.

Below is the monstrosity I drew on pixiv. I haven't scrutinized the document after the English translation, so it's probably weird.

　My shit-decker feelings (mainly inferiority complex) for Dr. Arcade have finally calmed down after about 10 months of falling for him, so here's one thing I'd like to summarize (give birth to) why I can't help but have such a fussy heart for this guy. I guess the screen turns red when I put my feelings into it. I know it's not popular to capture long sentences nowadays, but it's the last time I'm drawing, so forgive me, I don't have anywhere else to put it.

　I've tried to put all the elements of why I like this guy so much into this one picture, but the part that people who don't know me won't get from the picture and the part that made me fall for that point in the first place is that this guy is officially gay. The other deciding factor that drove me crazy was the fact that there is an ending where he commits suicide by circumcision for the sake of his own pride.

　This guy, who had been running away from the secret of his origins, who was worried and lost, who couldn't tell anyone about the secret of his life, who couldn't make up his mind in that ephemeral world, who had been moping and sulking until he was 35 years old, makes a decision based on the words of a random courier (the main character) and chooses to live while helping others with his special skills, He can either choose to live for his father's redemption, or he can choose neither and be enslaved until he commits suicide. How can you come up with such a setting? The game is so full of elements that mess with our emotions that I can't help but project myself onto the brain-destroyed (physical) courier and the brain-destroyed (metaphorical) me.

↓I can't help but project myself onto him. 　Why is Arcades set up as gay? It's just a setting that has nothing to do with the story. It is really a mystery. Why did they set him up that way? Is it because he doesn't know his father's face and is a fatherfucker? It's a wise decision. Thanks to you, a lot of nerdy women have been swamped. The fact that a man of such a serious character and nature was naturally homosex active drives me crazy again. There is also the mysterious statement that he had a few boyfriends in the past, but that doesn't play into the main story at all. Are you saying that I couldn't even confide my origins to my boyfriends? I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend who confided in a past man about his origins…and then they finally broke up because they couldn't share their life together, but he never revealed the secret of his origins to anyone…that would be fine. I'm a big fan.

　Please, give me an Arcadian ex-career selection setting. What kind of guy she was dating and at what age, and if possible, her favorite position, etc. No, that's too much to ask. I'll have dinner with that. I'm ready to eat. I'll cook a pot of rice for now. Give me that. Give me a piece of Arcadian life. I don't care if it's too late. Give it to me. Hey. If, at the height of the drama, there are now statements like, "Actually, Nate, the fourth master, was in that movie," then why not have a leak that says, "Actually, that was Arcade's ex-boyfriend," or "Actually, that man at Navarro base is Arcade's father. Give it to me. I'm sure you have some secret settings that you can't reveal to the public anyway. Give it to me. Give it to me in a fanzine. Please. I don't care if it's a fabrication by a fan, please give me a doujinshi of Arcades' ex-boyfriend…someone please draw me a doujinshi…I'll do anything…tumbler prohibits sexually explicit pictures, so if you can, please draw me a sexually explicit picture on pixiv. I don't care if it's a cartoon. I have two new friends on pixiv recently. Thank you I love you and I won't miss you.

[runawaymun]

if you don't mind me asking, what's wrong with kataang? i haven't watched avatar but i know the plot through osmosis, and wanted to hear your thoughts on that

Ah okay! Let me try to explain...

Caveat 1: this will probably be a bit rambly Caveat 2: it has been a long time since I watched either At:LA or TLoK, but I have watched it both as a kid (teenager, really) and as an adult multiple times.

My problems with kataang is kind of split into two categories: problems with the ship based off of who they are as characters from a writing/themes/narrative arc/messaging standpoint, and problems presented by how the creators of At:LA and TLoK - Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konieztko (not Aaron Ehasz you're doing amazing sweetie) treat the characters and seem to think about the characters, based off of choices that they made in the telling of the story, especially how the characters are treated in their endgame scenario in TLoK (which, notably, Aaron Ehasz didn't write for due to creative differences).

TLDR: IMO Kataang ruins the character arcs, they're bad for each other, and the writers did a disservice to Katara in favorite of their pet meow meow -- which hurt both character arcs and legacies, ultimately.

My chief issue is that Katara and Aang are bad for each other, romantically. They bring out the worst in each other. They're bad at holding healthy boundaries, bad at communicating, and the ship itself is very unbalanced. And I wouldn't have a problem with this if it was recognized by the narrative or the shippers, but the narrative treats them as a great love story when really it's anything but. I won't get into age differences -- because by the time they marry a two-year age difference is very negligible and I don't really think it's a good argument against the ship (even if I do think that shipping a 12 year old boy with a 14 year old girl is insane like what 14 year old girl WANTS to date a 12 year old boy. 12 year old boys are gross haha <3) -- but let's talk about it from a thematic and character growth standpoint.

Aang's arc is fundamentally about not running away from his problems, and learning to step into his role as the Avatar. He struggles with responsibility, struggles with emotional regulation, and struggles in the tension between being very much a 12-13yo kid, and being the Avatar, who has to save the world. His arc is beautiful. It's done SO WELL. And he manages to stay true to himself and I love that for him.

Katara's arc IMO is fundamentally about learning to fight for herself, and not just for others. Katara is very maternal. She has had to grow up extremely quickly in the face of losing both parents at a young age, and understanding that she has to live in constant fear of being murdered for her waterbending abilities. She constantly has to stand up for herself, and has a bad habit of suppressing difficult feelings in lieu of helping others work through theirs. This culminates in Katara taking several seasons (iirc) to actually properly talk to someone about her grief and the burden she is carrying, and to learn to set healthy boundaries -- to help her friends and to grow into a strong warrior and work on herself.

The problem here is that the narrative, over and over, forces Katara to emotionally regulate Aang, and this is never really addressed. They have really poor boundaries and she's always mothering him -- Aang is not a partner for her. He doesn't often reciprocate the same level of support that she gives to him -- mostly because he is twelve. Katara, narratively, acts like a crutch for Aang to lean on. Aang actively holds Katara back from setting healthy boundaries and growing into her own person.

They have an emotionally imbalanced relationship, and again -- Michael and Bryan really don't ever try to rectify this, and I think also they're just really bad at writing romance idk. Because over and over Aang makes passes at Katara, and Katara never really expresses interest. That could be down to Katara being bad at expressing her emotions, but it really doesn't feel like it. The last straw for me -- from a narrative standpoint, is the episode where Aang confesses his feelings to Katara, Katara literally says "I don't know how to feel. I'm confused." And Aang, without asking, decides that this is the perfect moment to kiss her.

Which, fine. They're kids. Kids make mistakes. They don't do things perfectly. I'm fine with characters making mistakes. But for a kids' show that's pretty intent on helping us all learn good life lessons -- this is never addressed. Katara is never given the chance to say "Hey, I didn't appreciate that." Aang never is made to apologize for crossing a boundary. It's treated as just a big stepping stone toward their incredibly forced romantic arc. And I hate hate hate when stories tell boys that the appropriate response to a girl asking for space to sort out her feelings/being unsure is to oh, just kiss her, to help her figure it out! instead of, I don't know, let her make up her own mind and give her space. "I don't know" is not fucking consent, and they shouldn't treat it like it is. Especially not in a kids' show.

Which-- yeah, that kind of leads well into my second problem with Kataang - which is how the creators of the show treat it. To them, Kataang is endgame, it is in the "DNA of the show" as one put it. Which is very weird to me because it is so, so poorly done, and the writers really seem to care so little for Katara. Why do I think this? Because of how they choose to treat Katara in TLoK.

Katara, in her 80s in TLoK, is relegated to a healer and teacher. She's insignificant to the story when characters like Zuko and Toph get much cooler entrances and scenes. She's stuck being a passive bystander to a war (Katara would never.) She's stuck being a healer (Which, sure, she is. But so much of At:LA she chafed at being put in that box! She's also a fighter, goddamnit!) -- and some people have tried to say "well what do you want an 80 year woman to do?" and I don't! fucking! buy it! Characters in At:LA were badass fighters well into their 80s, like Hama (the fearsome bloodbender), Pakku (the Waterbender), Iroh (y'know...), and most notably, Bumi, who is 112 fucking years old. Don't give me "80 year old Katara sits on her ass at home while the men go out and do things and Zuko, at the same age, is literally riding around the world on fucking dragonback." I won't have it. It's Katara slander, I tell you! Let that old woman be a badass!!!

And the writers even go so far as to erase her from her kids' lives! They never talk about her!!! It is always about Aang! Always Aang! And you just get the impression that Katara dropped absolutely everything to be "The Avatar's wife" and SHE DESERVED BETTER RAUDGAHSGH

She doesn't! even! get! an honorary statue! On the very island on which she should! be a war hero! Aang does! Toph does! Zuko does! EVEN SOKKA DOES. The ENTIRE Gaang gets a statue, except Katara. That is a deliberate art choice! WHY did they leave her out?

They absolutely destroyed her ENTIRE At:LA arc in TLoK, and I am honestly not even surprised because the writers have said outright that Aang is a self insert character, and that Kataang is "that childhood romance that we both wanted as kids". Katara, in their brains -- and idk maybe this is unjust-- but she seems to be just the amalgamation of those 14 year old girls that wouldn't give them the time of day when they were snotty twelve year olds, except they're writing the story so of course Aang gets the girl.

Anyway, this doesn't even go into how there are infinitely better choices for Katara, and how Aang's arc is worsened by having a romantic subplot, and etc. etc. I could go on forever about how much I dislike Kataang from a narrative standpoint.

Literally my first thought when I heard they left the Netflix show "due to creative differences" was: "Oh my god, is it because there's no kataang???" and now that there's confirmed to be no kataang and that they may be going a zutara route instead, I'm convinced that's why.

Because it's "in the DNA of the show, you see" they have broken with cocreators before over their pet self insert ship and the narrative treatment of Katara (Aaron Ehasz), and I don't see any reason why they'd change.

alkdasdlkgh anyway. God. Thanks for the ask! Sorry about the really long anti kataang rant aslkdgh. This got kind of aggressive but I do feel very strongly about the treatment of Katara. My girl deserved so much better.

[papermonkeyism]

Finished my first re-read of this book in twenty years. (original name Homeland, this is the Finnish edition.)

And yup, this sure is a thirty year old book. I don't know why I feel kinda disappointed, I knew exactly what I was getting into. It was somehow both not as bad as I remembered while also being in a way worse than I expected.

But nah, they're just evil. Grinning maliciously and taking unholy pleasure in being evil.

It's kinda frustrating read, to be honest. The story in itself isn't all that bad, I'd say, but it's hindered pretty bad by being based entirely on DnD mechanics, specifically the alignment system. Like, the story in itself makes sense, it tells about dark elves, who basically live in a cult, and the protagonist who's born into it, but will eventually abandon it and leave.

But instead of actually examining what living in a cult would be like, they're just evil. Maybe it's just my perspective, being someone who's been on the internet for a couple decades. I know people who come from abusive bacgrounds, and I've heard stories from people who've survived actual cults, and it would make perfect sense to treat the drow as a cult, except with their god being actually real and actively meddling with their lives to make the brain washing just that much worse. There's a lot of potential in there!

Like the main character is raised from the very start being indoctrinated in the spider cult, there's even a scene where he gets whipped (with a multi-headed magic whip made of living snakes) at the age of four or five for daring to look happily at a woman while being a child of inferior sex, yet he never acts like this kind of raising left any marks in the way he behaves. No trauma at all, what so ever. He keeps being openly surprised by his people not being nice to each other despite the book telling how he was raised to know his place. The guy has no self-preservation at all, he keeps wondering out loud at people with the power to hurt him and I just keep wincing so bad.

He somehow just speed runs his thirty years of life in life lessons in the last few days of the book. Like, you were raised into this your whole life, yet you're only learning all of it now?

(and why do you keep calling it "unholy" all the time, it's the only religion you've ever known. Also that one time he openly gasped about the unholiness at his sister, who's an entire priestess, and her reaction was along the lines of "yeah, but she's the goddess of our people", like why are you agreeing with him about the unholyness?!)

Honestly, you could very easily just rewrite the whole book, keep all the story beats as is, and take out the "always evil by default" racial setting without losing pretty much anything. You'd probably still need to keep the gods as real, physical entities the way they are, but it'd still make it a lot more beliveable.

I have much gripe about the tone of this book, apparently.

I mean, I do like some of the tropes it has, not gonna lie. More prominently in the later books, but still. There's a reason Drizzt was the favourite character of teenage me twenty years ago, and it's been so weird revisiting this story after all this time. I'm still having many mixed feelings here. Multiple emotions even. I don't even know what they are, but they sure are many.

Though, you know what's the worst thing? I am notoriously bad when it comes to names, I have some serious trouble learning and remembering even people I live with for extended periods of time. I can't name most of my old classmates despite them being people I spent 3+ years with, and it once took me over three months to learn the name Paula despite being such a simple and common belonging to one of my closest friends at the time. I'm bad with names. So why is it that I can still remember things like fucking Daermon N'a'shezbaernon, that's an absolute monster of a name, and I haven't thought about it for a single second in the past two decades, why the fuck do I still remember that one???!?

Anyway, onwards to the next book!

[clownboymcchucklefuck]

Colored Gaze Theory: Zachary Has a Mental Disorder.

WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT ROMANTICIZE ANY BEHAVIOR I TALK ABOUT IN THIS THEORY. IT IS NOT HEALTHY AND YOU SHOULD SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW SHOWS SYPMTOMS.

Theory begins under cut:

Does anybody else find it kind of strange that the dev is so open about Zachary being the "worst" LI and showing his bad side?

The whole point of Colored Gaze is to find out the LI's true "colors" and so far Seth and Simon haven't shown their true ones in tumblr/CC asks unless it's a little lore hint here and there. We all assume that Zachary is the most dangerous but what if it's the exact opposite? After all, Zachary is the only LI I couldn't see killing MC.

"Oh but Zachary's basically been the most of a bitch from what we have seen on the tumblr/cc so far!" But what if that's what the dev is trying to make us think just so that they can throw a curveball at us and catch us off guard? 

In a past theory I had mentioned that on the C.C that Zachary has depression, but I’m now realizing that it probably meant that Zachary needed to see a therapist and I’ve figured out why.

Zachary has Borderline Personality Disorder.

As crazy as I may sound, it actually makes a lot of sense. Lets also think about how it's been said that Zach’s parents were never really “involved” with his life so if he did show any symptoms of a mental disorder at a young age his parents never would have known and brushed it off.

Source:

“Zachary... hmmm.... despite having a 'perfectly' normal childhood with his parents supporting what he wants to do and capability to do pretty much anything... his parents weren't really super involved with him deeply. Like, they kind of lack major presence or never really had a deep connection with him, they're just 'child and parent'.”

Comparing Zachary’s behavior to BPD.

Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder:

"Bold – Impulsivity is a BPD trait that can be positively linked to being bold, courageous and having the ability to speak one's mind. Creative – The high intensity of emotions can be released into creative endeavors. Many people with BPD put their entire emotional expression into music, art, performance and writing."

Now correct me if I’m wrong, (and I very well might be) but Zachary’s interest with photography could fit into the creative endeavors part.

He's also very bold with his flirting as we see in the demo whenever he kisses MC's hand within the first 3 minutes of knowing them.

"individuals with borderline personality disorders can also love intensely, although somewhat erratically and egocentrically."

“Relationship problems: People with BPD often have intense, tumultuous relationships with others. They may “fall hard” when they meet new people, putting them on pedestals. Their loved ones may describe them as overly needy or clingy.”

For some context for people that haven't listened to Zachary’s playlist; Most of the songs do include lyrics about a very strong love and loving intensely so I believe this fits him.

“Depending on symptom manifestations, both men and women diagnosed with BPD may experience promiscuity, impulsive sexual behavior, hypersexuality, or sex avoidance. These sexual changes may also affect the ability to maintain healthy and stable relationships.”

“One of the hallmarks of BPD is impulsivity, which can manifest as engaging in risky behaviors, including reckless sexual activity. Hypersexuality can be a coping mechanism for individuals with BPD as they try to fill an emotional void or deal with intense emotions.”

Now I think we all now that Zachary is a horny bastard which is what made me look into this being one of the symptoms of BPD in the first place. It could very much explain why he’s so horny. But it makes more sense when you understand that he somewhat cannot control feeling that way now that we know he’s not just being horny just to be horny but it's because he’s more than likely hypersexual.

“Romantic fantasization is a common feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD). The unpredictable emotional state associated with borderline personality disorder can cause confusing fluctuations in how borderlines view their romantic partners.”

This could also explain a lot of things about Zachary like why he wants kids with MC so badly, why he’s so “persistent” about being with/marrying MC. 

I also found another article basically talking about why some people are attracted to people with BPD and I’m going to put another disclaimer that this type of behavior is not healthy. I am not encouraging or romanticizing it so please don’t either.

“They're easily seduced by the borderline's extreme openness, charm, and vulnerability. In addition, the borderline's passion and intense emotions are enlivening to non-BPDs, who find being alone depressing or “healthy” people boring.”

“A person with impulsive borderline personality disorder often displays the following signs and symptoms of the subtype: Flirtatious with others, sometimes without even realizing it. Captivating, able to act with a natural magnetism. Elusive and mercurial.”

Correct me if I’m wrong but this somewhat explains Zachary to a T. Albeit he only flirts with MC but it has been said that even when he was in school and on valentines day he would get alot of cards and gifts and such because of how he attracted people. I’m pretty sure in past posts its mentioned that Zachary has a “charm” too, along with his parents raising him to be a gentleman. I’ve talked about how him being raised that way may have affected him in a past theory/shitpost too which I will put here:

Me: Zachary probably has years of repressed sexual desire because of how he was raised to be gentlemen and thats why he's such a freak (horny) all the time and I can only imagine how the standards he had to meet of being a "gentleman" affected him mentally considering its been stated that Zachary hasn't felt love before MC and that he himself probably holds himself up to impossibly high standards which in way is shown by him being a perfectionist and thats probably why he's depressed-

My friend who just asked if I wanted a pringle: wtf

This changes everything. We’ve always assumed that Zachary is the yandere because of his behavior that the dev is suspiciously open about. Zachary isn't the yandere, he is mentally ill.

Once again I just find it very suspicious that it's so obvious that Zachary is the "yandere". There's also a song on Zachary's playlist called Borderline too which is what made me think about this in the first place.

There's also a couple other disorders I could tie to Zachary too.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [OCD]

Obsessive Love Disorder

Now the second one has only recently been recognized as a mental disorder by professionals so I doubt it may be OLD. (hehehehe get it? Cause Zachary's old- I’ll shut up now.)

Now somebody brought up Zachary possibly OCD to me because of how clean he is and how he wants everything to go his way. However, the "wanting everything to go his way." Could also tie into him having BPD and the cleaning part I have to remind them that OCD doesn't stand for Obsessive Cleaning Disorder smh.

Now this post is already long af so I'm going to stop it right here. I've tried to provide as much sources as I could so that people won't be asking clrdgaze blog where I got it from. (Smh guys just ask me, I swear I don't bite and I love asks. 😭) Thank you for reading my unhinged rambling and have a nice day. ♡

[Reblogs are greatly appreciated too!]

_________________________

Zachary belongs to @clrdgaze

@dont-wannadothis-anymore @mysticnebula

[everlastiingiimmortals]

AUTHOR PORTRAIT

Get to know the author behind the blog! Repost, do not reblog

Basics

NAME: Willow. AGE: 22. PRONOUNS: she/they. YEARS OF WRITING: I've been making up my own stories since I was incredibly small, and I think writing since I was... oh, around 8 years old? In terms of roleplay, I first started out on Tumblr at the poor young age of 14 (yikes, I know), and more or less haven't left aside from a 2-3 year hiatus after the 2018 purge that caused a lot of people to leave, during which I instead wrote on Discord for a spell.

Reflection

WHY DID YOU PICK UP WRITING? Being a 13 yo starved of Mega Man content naturally drew me to Tumblr, I think, where at the time there was a fairly lively roleplay community and a fair amount of fanart being shared. I'd already been familiar with roleplay due to warrior cats LARP and private interactions with people I managed to connect to once I wormed my way into the fandom, so it was only a matter of time before I dipped my toes into the MM RPC after reading the way that people wrote with each other. And then I never left! Many of the friends I made at the time are still really good friends of mine now! I wanted to write because telling stories was something I'd always done, whether it was in my head, or to my younger sister before bedtime, or drawing little comics. It was a logical jump, especially with such an open ended franchise as Mega Man. And now I'm here. DO YOU HAVE ANY WRITING ROUTINES? Yeah, I'd say so. Lately I've found myself kind of picky with the time of day that I write. Maybe I never noticed it before, but I like to block out a good chunk of time while it's bright and sunny to write and find somewhere quiet where I can put on some music and have a nice lil drink. I can write during the night, and regularly have and still do, but something feels better about writing earlier in the day, or even in the morning. Probably because I'm not so drained then. The kind of music I listen to while writing depends largely on the muse and the mood of the thread I need to encompass. For my more sorrowful replies I have several go-tos that I tuck away into the respective muse's playlist, as well as some universal Sad Bops, but I use other songs too! I tend to need to listen to a song on repeat while I'm writing until the reply is done. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT WRITING? Definitely the click when a muse hits just right. I like to think I'm plenty capable of writing any sort of character if I put my mind to it, but there's only certain muses that really spark a connection that I resonate with, and stumbling upon a muse like that is my favorite because it allows me to really enter a muse's mind. The best examples of that on this blog are definitely Jing Yuan and Ratio, which is why they're my most active muses. When I'm able to feel what my muse feels and truly understand why they work the way they work, that's my favorite moment.

Three things you like about your writing

Oh boy, let's see. Is there anything notable about my writing???? LORE. I definitely put a lot of effort into defining my characters based on the available lore in the game and external research I do on my own. As an academic, especially one in STEM, I have a lot that I have learned and can apply to my muses. The most prominent example of this is probably Ratio and all I've babbled about ecology with him, but I've done it for Jing Yuan too with his electricity. Pulling from mythos and history is also something I find a lot of fun and pride myself on doing. BODY LANGUAGE. With muses that prefer silence and/or subtlety over conversation over the years I've learned to portray a lot of their mental and emotional state through body language and expression rather than speech. It's hard, and certainly something that's been a huge learning curve for me as a yapper who never shuts up, but I like to think I've gotten good at communicating that subtlety! There's always room for improvement though, and I'd definitely love to have more threads and interactions where I can continue to practice. EVOKING EMOTION. I like to think that I'm good at evoking strong feelings with my writing, particularly when it comes to sorrowful and tragic threads or interactions. There's a delicateness to the kind of burden and grief I love to portray, and I imagine I do a fairly good job of dancing along it and pulling others into the state of mind of my muses! (Full disclosure, I hesitated on putting this here because I simply have no awareness of the impact of my writing ever, but after having it affirmed by multiple friends I guess it's cool and definitely not arrogant--)

A question for the next person

DO YOU HAVE A CERTAIN TYPE OF MUSE YOU ENJOY WRITING? Oh gosh, I think looking at the muses I have here on this blog alone kind of answers that! They all follow the theme of compassion and selflessness, though the degree to which and how they apply it differs wildly between the four. I do love writing villains, antiheroes and asshole characters too (and I've written plenty in the past!), but there's something about a noble, pure soul driven by compassion that just hits so good for me. Gestures at Jing Yuan, Ratio, Robin, and Stelle. Honestly I'm impressed I've been able to give them such distinct voices despite their common trope haha. NEW QUESTION: If you were to pick up a muse that would challenge your skills and push you out of your comfort zone the most, what kind of muse would they be and why? Do you have any examples?

TAGGED BY: @duelmarks (ty!!) TAGGING: @etherealguard @celestial-narwhal @celestial-sword-dance @spaced-out-muses and anyone else who wants to do this bc Tumblr limited tags :(

[blackjackkent]

Ooh, I think we found the library Shadowheart was looking for.

It doesn't appear that this is a trial per se, but it does have some of those weird Justiciar animated armors walking around, and the field over the door causes Silence on everyone, which means no spellcasting. o.o;

Stepping inside, we're immediately kicked into what promises to be a rather heavy battle.

That enemy on the end is the most concerning; it's labeled The Librarian and is apparently casting the silence aura, and also appears to be one of those vortexes that was spawning infinite enemies during previous fights with the animated armors. So I think that's our first goal to take out. Luckily these things may be made of air and shadow but they are still susceptible to Monk Punches, and Karlach completely obliterated it as soon as she got close enough.

So that made the rest of the fight considerably easier. XD

Looking around after the fight, we find most of the bookshelves are trapped, which I guess isn't surprising. There's also a set of four buttons around the room in a square.

I think there was a puzzle to do with these buttons, but I'm honestly not sure what it was, because I pressed two of them and then the main gate into the next room opened, so either I'm a genius or I missed something. Probably the latter. XD

Like many things around here, this is a strange and unsettling experience for Hector. He spent most of his life in the library of his own monastery, when he wasn't training in martial arts. But this place, full of Sharran philosophy, ghost armor, and explosives, feels kind of like a perversion of that experience, while at the same time almost feeling like coming home. A perplexing mix of emotions.

The center pillar of the next room, labeled "Riddle of the Night" prompts us with a question when interacted with: "What can silence the Nightsong?" It offers a slot to insert an item, presumably to answer the question.

It is also surrounded by some vents that spew black tentacles when Hector fails to disarm them, which makes me concerned about what will happen if we answer the riddle incorrectly.

Hm.

This feels like something where the answer is in one of the numerous books around here...taking a look around, we mostly find a lot of Shar philosophy, as well as this concerning elaboration on the spear that Shadowheart is looking for:

Shadowheart definitely thinks she could be that intended wielder, but what does that imply?

Anyway thinking more about Hector being at home in a library, no matter the setting, gives me an idea that makes me smile...

--------

"What d'you think, Shadowheart?" Karlach asks, rubbing her jaw and looking at the riddle etched into the column. "What does it mean?"

"Well," Shadowheart says pensively. "It clearly wants us to place one of those books in that indentation there. One that contains the answer to the question."

"And what's the answer?"

Shadowheart hesitates. "There are...many answers it could be looking for," she says uncertainly. "The Nightsong is the chaos of life, and Lady Shar's voice is that which puts it to silence, but... I can think of a thousand ways to phrase that. So we must find a book in all this mess that carries the message?"

Gale grunts. "We'll have to do quite a bit of searching, if we're going to find the tome that this puzzle specifically wishes us to refer to. Even when this place was in active use, there would have been a great deal to sift through, but as it stands now, none of these books have been touched in an age, by the look of it. And after all--"

"I've got it!" Hector's voice sings out from the other end of the room, and there's a note of enthusiasm in his tone that they haven't heard there for a little while. He's holding up one of the books with a bright smile, the dark nature of the tome for the moment forgotten in the satisfaction of having solved the problem. "Teachings of Loss: The Nightsinger," he says, reading off the cover, then pulls it open and recites out some of the text. "What can silence the Nightsong? Only the Nightsinger herself - Shar, Mistress of the Night. Lady of Loss." He looks up. "That's what we're looking for, right?"

Shadowheart stares at him. "How did you find that so quickly?"

He blinks, then grins sheepishly. "The...it's clear that the Sharran archivists used the same organizational system we used at the monastery. It wasn't hard to sort out where the fundamental texts were being held, and then I simply--"

"Hector," Karlach says with deep amusement. "I love you, y'know that, right? But you are an incredibly strange man sometimes."

"Oh. Am I?" He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. "Well, at least it comes in handy sometimes..."

-----

Placing the book on the pedestal opens a door at the back of the room, and there it is!

Have at it, Shadowheart.

\o/

[jinxed-ninjago]

In light of this post I just reblogged, here's why I don't think it's fair to say the Ninjago writers were completely in the wrong for Zane being a victim of ableism in the first 7 episodes of Ninjago (or even at all), as someone with autism who didn't receive an autism diagnosis until the age of 15.

My Experience

So naturally, because I was autistic and nobody knew about it (in fact nobody even suspected it until I was 13), my behavior and people's treatment of me reflected it. Because of this, I wasn't treated how I should've been, and ended up emotionally unstable, which resulted in aggression and anxiety on my end (for clarification, everyone who was on the receiving end of aggressive outbursts of mine agree that had I been diagnosed earlier, things would've gone a lot differently and I likely wouldn't have had those kinds of outbursts. I'm not trying to blame late diagnosis for my aggression or anything, it's something everyone in my life agrees on).

Essentially, because we didn't know I was autistic, it led to ableism from people around me, which led to emotional instability. Because nobody knew what was going on, my emotional instability combined with a habit I had of truancy led to me being sent to a group home when I was 13, which made things worse (but was also the first step to me getting an autism diagnosis because my therapist while I was there was the first person to mention the possibility that I was autistic).

How My Experience Relates To Zane

As we all know, Zane didn't find out he was a nindroid until episode 7, but from the start he's been autistic coded (something we can actually thank Brent Miller for! Without his specific way of voicing Zane, which Brent has mentioned was partially inspired by Data from Star Trek, the Hageman Brothers never would've considered making Zane a robot). From the start (by which I mean since 2012) I've also found Zane relatable.

Zane's experience is pretty similar to mine. Spending your life thinking you're normal (allistic in my case, human in Zane's case) only to find out that's not the case (receiving an autism diagnosis in my case, finding his blueprints and finding out he's a nindroid in Zane's case). In both cases, before finding out why specifically we were different, both me and Zane were treated differently from other people.

In my case, I was teased in school and found it a little hard to make friends because I wasn't "normal". The only kid I actually found I could relate to in school was another kid people saw as weird (who in hindsight was probably autistic). Now that I know more about how my brain works, I'm able to convey that and help people understand my thinking a little easier, so since getting my diagnosis I haven't dealt with as much ableism nor have I struggled as much as I used to. I've only really experienced ableism since this point from people who are actively trying to be dicks.

Similarly, Zane is shown to struggle with fitting in at the start of the series. Kai, Jay, and Cole judge him for being "weird" and discuss it with Wu and there's an entire episode focused on it. Once they find out about Zane being a nindroid, they're able to realize why Zane's behavior was so different, and their perspective on him shifts a lot. Similarly to me, the only time Zane really experiences discrimination is with villains or villainous factions (think the Mechanic, the Dragon Hunters, and Vex) and usually it's in the form of dehumanizing him (the Mechanic seeing him as nothing more than a battery in season 12 and the Dragon Hunters seeing him as nothing but spare parts, for example).

In the case of ableism against autistic people and discrimination targeted at Zane, the goal is usually dehumanization, which is why the parallel works so well (or at least one of the reasons).

The discrimination against Zane isn't there for no reason, and it's not like it doesn't work. It works incredibly well for the specific experience the writers (at the time, the Hageman Brothers) were trying to portray.

Addressing Jokes Made At Zane's Expense

This was one of the complaints I saw on the original post so I figured I might as well bring it up.

Yes, there are jokes made at Zane's expense that specifically center around his nature as a nindroid. Context is important here though. Kai, Cole, and Jay specifically make jokes with the intent of humor when it comes to allies, there's never an intent to inflict harm. They know how far is too far, and I think Kai's teasing towards Jay exemplifies this. If their jokes with Zane were going too far, they'd stop because their goal isn't to hurt each other or tear each other down. It's just to tease each other.

The team making jokes about Zane's habits is no different from someone close to me making a joke about how argumentative I can get about zoology or how I can get hyperfocused to the point of forgetting to eat. It's all in good fun and as long as the subject of the jokes is okay with it, there's no harm in making jokes about someone's habits, even if those habits are born from something like autism. That is the nature of Kai, Cole, and Jay's teasing; lighthearted jabs at habits born from Zane's nature as a nindroid.

Addressing The Lego Ninjago Movie Because Apparently People Still Complain About It In The Year Of Our Lord 2023

In the movie Zane is just trying way too fucking hard to fit in. It's not necessarily that Zane is making being a robot 90% of his personality; if anything, denying he's a robot is 90% of his personality because he's trying to fit in and people are constantly questioning his humanity. It's like an exaggerated version of what I've seen autistic people experience online (being forced to defend themselves because we're dehumanized to the nth degree). The fact that I even have to say that in 2023 is ... SOMETHING.

[hyoisms]

HYOJUNG: "I think people believe that once you're ten years into your career, you've got everything figured out. I believed that as well, but now that I got here, I realized I'm still on a journey to find myself."

Hyojung's ten-year anniversary interview with WEVERSE MAGAZINE.

I still remember seeing you in a frilly shirt and white skinny jeans, singing and dancing to Tell Me Tell Me that even I can't believe it's been ten years since your debut. How does it feel knowing that you've been in this industry for a decade?

HYOJUNG: Personally, it doesn't feel like it's been ten years. A lot of years sort of blur past in my memories, but I'm thankful that I'm still able to promote to this day. It means a lot.

In past interviews, you've spoken about missing out on regular activities that young adults your age would experience, but not wanting to trade your current life for it. Does that still hold true?

HYOJUNG: It does. While I realize that there are activities and years that I can't get back because I was promoting, I also know that I've lived a pretty unique life that people my age couldn't imagine. I believe we're all on our paths for a reason, so there's no need to be envious or jealous.

They say mountains change in the span of a decade. What's changed about Jung Hyojung in the last ten years?

HYOJUNG: A lot and too little at the same time. I've definitely matured (laughs), but that's a natural phenomenon, isn't it? But I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I think people believe that once you're ten years into your career, you've got everything figured out. I believed that as well, but now that I got here, I realized I'm still on a journey to find myself. I'm not sure when that journey will end, but I hope it comes down to a happy ending.

The past few years have been very crucial in your career as you transition from an idol to an actress. What's been the most difficult part in making that change?

HYOJUNG: The eyes of everybody watching me. I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter, and that I'm like a turtle in which I move at my own speed, but I couldn't help myself from feeling like I was failing in solidifying my spot as an actress. However, I think I've partially made it. There is still so much I want to do, though, so I don't want to speak too quickly.

I know many people were shocked to see your acting in The Red Sleeve. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that's probably your representative work. How did you end up on the project?

HYOJUNG: I had to audition. The director had told me they saw me on Our Beloved Summer and felt that my emotional acting would be a fit for Deokim, but they still wanted to see an official audition. It makes sense, of course, and I was honored that they even considered me. I think I went through about five rounds of auditions before getting that role.

Filming it was probably difficult as well, as it is with most historical dramas.

HYOJUNG: It really was. We started filming around the beginning of summer, and then it lasted through winter so everybody on the production team and cast had to deal with drastic weather changes. The outfits are also very heavy, so it was difficult to film in any kind of weather, really. However, it's taught me some know-hows I can take onto my next roles, so I'm thankful.

Angelic hasn't released any new music since 2020, and everybody was so certain you would never stand on stage again. But then you released Drive earlier this year. What was the decision process behind that?

HYOJUNG: It's not that my members and I don't want to release music, but we've moved to different companies so coordinating things have been more difficult than it used to be when we were all under Everlast Entertainment. Of course, we'd love to meet our fans, but it just isn't easy. That doesn't mean I don't want to stand on stage, however, and I wanted to show my fans that. I haven't lost my passion for singing and when I was offered Drive, I thought it was the perfect song.

Does that mean we might get more Soloist Hyojung in the future?

HYOJUNG: I can't make any promises, but it'd be nice if I could, yes.

You've had some back-to-back well-received dramas. What's next? What do you want to explore?

HYOJUNG: I've received a few scripts but haven't decided on anything yet. I'm still searching for the right one that kind of comes to me immediately. I love all the roles I've played so far and wouldn't reject similar ones, but I know that my fans want to see something new as well. Maybe something that leans more towards thriller? Action, even? I'm not sure (laughs).

Any words to Jung Hyojung ten years from now, who will be celebrating her twenty year anniversary?

HYOJUNG: You've worked hard. Continue to work hard.

[khaoray]

top 10 kdrama couples? and top 10 romantic kdramas? (i wanna watch something with good romance haha)

oh nonnie this is gonna be a challenge but i will do my absolute best. one thing you need to know about me and my taste in romance is that i'm really not here for straight up fluff. i need a bit of melodrama and angst to keep me invested. gonna stick it under a read more bc i feel it's gonna get lengthy asdfghjk

couples:

ji ho and jeung in (one spring night) - they invented being in love and facing your problems with maturity and they're just so important to me.

kang doo and moon soo (just between lovers) - if there's one thing i love in my romance it's angst and hurt people learning to heal together and literally no one does it like them. kang doo remains my favourite junho role too, so.

kyeo rye and yeon joo (if you wish upon me) - similar to jbl tbh kyeo rye is such a broken man at the start of the drama and watching him slowly fall in love and heal from years and years of trauma destroyed all of my emotions.

gong myung and se ra (into the ring) - THE childhood friends to rivals to friends to lovers ship!!!!! no one does it like they do honestly they're THE standard when it comes to emotional maturity.

joong gil and ryeon (tomorrow) - listen if you were around last year then you know just insane they made me. soulmates defying literal fate to end up together after centuries of trauma they make me so sick.

cheoljong and so bong (queen cheorin) - THE standard for enemies to lovers. nothing has ever been able to replicate the buzz they gave me week to week.

seon gyeom and mi joo (run on) - the softest couple on this entire list actually i think. they're just so sweet and cozy and safe and i love them so much.

taejun and taeyang (love all play) - my babies!!!! the drama itself kinda sucks but theyyyyy. one of the most mature relationships i've ever seen in a drama actually like we love a couple that actively talk about their issues and try to overcome them together.

vincenzo and cha young (vincenzo) - enemies to coconspirators to lovers excellence honestly who is doing chemistry like them. they're just so sexy.

dong jin and woo joo (call it love) - hi hello it's another instance of two traumatised people falling in love and finding happiness together what can i say i have a TYPE.

dramas:

one spring night - i've already talked about why i love this drama so much so i won't do it again but just know. i love it so so much it's so important to ME.

just between lovers - another one i've talked about a lot at this point but outside of the romance, this drama is just so GOOD. it deals with a lot of heavy themes so i'd advise discretion but it's so worth it imo. but just 10/10 experience wish i could go back and watch it again for the first time.

if you wish upon me - i love it for a lot of the same reasons i love jbl they're very similar imo. also. kyeo rye is the most character of all time i genuinely don't think ji chang wook is ever topping him.

into the ring - underrated!!!! underrated!!!!!!!!! underrated!!!!!!!!!!!! y'all slept on this one so hard and i still haven't forgiven you. i love romance between two grown adults who actually act their age and don't fall victim to stupid tropes.

run on - this drama makes me feel so cozy and safe and fuzzy idk man it's just pure good vibes for my soul.

call it love - if you love dramas that are slow, where a lot is said with very little dialogue and where the colour grading tells you a lot about the characters emotional states then boy do i have the drama for you.

witch's romance - can i interest you in twinky park seo joon in love with uhm jung hwa??? bc that's what this drama has to offer and it's so fun. it might be a bit dated now bc it came out in 2014 but i had such a good time when i first watched it.

queen cheorin - aside from the last half of the last episode i had such a good fun time watching two absolute idiots fight tooth and nail against falling in love with each other. when are we ever getting that level of chemistry again???

moon embracing the sun - alright i'm gonna be honest i don't actually remember all that much of this one anymore. i only watched it because kim soo hyun's in it. but i watched it as it was airing and it emotionally destroyed me so that's gotta count for something.

first love hatsukoi - yeah yeah it's not korean it's japanese but it's also the best show i've watched in the last year so!!!!! y'all can just take my rec and live with it. please please PLEASE watch it it's one of the most beautiful dramas i've ever seen and all four of the main actors are absolutely incredible in it.

[dandelion-wings]

Whyyyyy won't you write the test subject au!?

I am literally so hooked already, I need more than just scraps of information about it.

Don't get me wrong, I do love using my own imagination and can very much just expand upon this au in my own mind, but there's just something more relaxing about getting to read about it.

I by no means aim to pressure you into writing it! I accept that if you really can't be asked, but please just answer me these, dearest Tumblr user dandelion-wings.com:

- please describe what they did to him at the Akademiya. I sound like a sadist when I say this (I promise I'm not) but I love reading about the torture characters go through because it helps me understand their pain and trauma better.

- does Kaeya meet Diluc again? In the first part you did say Kaeya ran away to Sumeru age 11, so I assume that follows canon event, which means he had been in the Ragnvindr household for some time before capture. So does he recognise Diluc when he sees him again? I've imagined this whole emotional ass scene where they see eachother again for the first time in six-ish years and it made me tear up.

- does Crepus live in this au? (listen. I am a sucker for ragbros and their family, okay!) I assume the Ragnvindr household reacted in some way when Kaeya went missing, seeing as he was a somewhat major part of their lives. Maybe Diluc's birthday plans were different and he never died to the delusion and Ursa the Drake. Perhaps he is still alive and Kaeya recognises him and then Crepus promises to bring hell upon whoever left his son in that state.

- I assume Kaeya makes a good recovery. Does he still join the Knights? I'm not sure they'd let him in with only one arm with missing fingers, but then again it is the nation of freedom so who knows. What does he end up doing?

Many thanks, I love the au,

Friend of the stars <3

Mostly because I have so many WIPs and AUs already (including an entirely different one where someone removes Kaeya's fingers), and I work too jobs, I cannot write all of them! "I'm not going to write this" is a mantra against things I do not have the time to write even though I want to. XD;; It may well go into the warm-ups rotation, tbh. The other reason is that it's a lot darker and iddier than I usually post on main and I always get very anxious about idfic/kinkfic stuff (if I hadn't been so compelled to try and exorcise it with the Compressed Version that totally did not make me stop thinking about the Longer Version I probably would not have posted about it at all). Like, I spent a very serious five minutes looking at this ask thinking, "man, this is going on main, should I sanitize it any" before deciding that the of-questionable-taste parts are essential to my enjoyment and, so, well. I am not going to.

Which means that the rest of this is under a cut and trigger warnings for that first answer include, along with the requisite medical experimentation, dismemberment/mutilation, suicidal thoughts/actions, and sexual abuse/trauma.

The highlights of the research team's activities:

To start with before anything else because this is ongoing and general: confinement, obviously, constant restraint (growing increasingly severe over time, c.f. the shock-collar, which is movement-sensitive and just kept getting turned up over the years), and a caloric intake just barely sufficient for continued functioning, because it is harder for a starving person to fight back. Also, at least once the curse was induced, they did not at any point use anesthesia/pain relief because "pain response is an important scientific datapoint."

I haven't decided how they eventually did manage to induce the curse, but initial attempts were straight-up torture, in the hopes that sufficient negative emotion and/or fear for his life would trigger it. You can insert whatever you like here, but I personally am a perennial fan of waterboarding and near-drowning.

When it did finally trigger, it was first visible in his right eye, which promptly got removed for analysis. Fortunately for him, Anatoli wanted to see if it would spread to the left (it has, thus far, not).

It then started manifesting in his right hand, spreading up his arm (if this sounds a lot like the specifics of Cursed Transformation: I went with very similar mechanisms, why build from the ground up when I've already done some thinking about it), and as soon as it was established above his right wrist, he lost the last two fingers on both hands for a side-by-side comparison. It continued to spread, both up the arm and, once it reached the shoulder, appearing patchily elsewhere on his body. There were more tissue samples taken consistently over the next four years; most of them were smaller than whole fingers, but some were fairly significant chunks (he is probably also short a toe or two but Anatoli had his extremity data at that point, he wanted a variety of sites).

Despite the starvation diet, he did hit puberty in here. At which point both the sexual abuse and additional mutilation show up, because Anatoli's chief research assistant and second-in-command decided to "conduct tests of his sexual response as the curse progressed," which was 100% a "if you write it down you can call it science" excuse for rape. Which, because he was being very consistently dehumanized here (it is significantly easier for most people to carve into a terrified child if you convince yourself they're a monster, not a person), she pulled off in part by treating him more like a person than anyone else in the lab, which did not help him trust Lisa later on.

Concurrently he was both hitting a growth spurt and developing actual powers to go with the curse, and Anatoli was already considering castration with the hope that it would, as in animals, make him more docile. Discovering her 'research' made him decide, not that maybe he should fire his chief research assistant, but instead that he didn't really want to risk being accused of breeding monsters, and. so.

(One of my guilty pleasures in whump-rescue fic is the Rescuee, with no idea what their rescuer is getting out of this, offering them sexual favors as 'repayment,' and this is my idfic so that 100% happens here. And then Lisa's rebuff fucks Kaeya up in its own way because he associated the chief assistant leaving off, some time afterwards as he got too old for her tastes, and immediately dropping all pretense of seeing him as a person, with further advancement of his curse moving him from the 'human, thus desirable' to 'inhuman, thus no longer desirable' category. So at least initially it read to him as, Lisa talks a good game, but clearly she doesn't think he's human enough to touch like that anymore either.)

Incidentally 'I am no longer human enough to even be worth being touched (in ways I didn't like but that I've nonetheless been taught to associate with humanity)' was the main trigger for the first of the three suicide attempts in Anatoli's custody. Others followed, because every time the curse intensified there were more tissue samples, and more restraints on him, and horrible tests of his powers and general physical capabilities, and so on.

At some point they made him kill animals and, later, hilichurls (and Kaeya knows exactly what hilichurls are) to see what he was capable of. A lot of the power-testing was Bad in general because he didn't want to help, and so the efforts made to overcome his sullenness on the subject were very much of the 'push him until he loses control' variety. He still has a lot of Issues around handling animals. :)

Taking most of his right arm off was actually not for Anatoli's research. Anatoli and his team were all Spantamad; he was acquainted with an Amurta researcher who wanted a sample. That Kaeya was starting to grow claws on the remaining fingers of that arm, and that the Cryo veining was most vivid there and the Abyssal powers were clearly linked directly to it, and that those powers were growing stronger and threatened to eventually overwhelm the wards they were capable of, were... significant contributing factors. Half the reason Anatoli allowed Lisa onto the team, despite her associations with her very anti-human-experimentation mentor, was because she had a Vision and was significantly better at magical wards than anyone else interested. And it looked like they were going to need that sooner or later.

To answer the second and third questions together, I honestly have not thought tremendously far past the return-to-Mondstadt part of the plot, but we have determined that he does not meet Diluc at that time, because things in Mondstadt progress as in canon, including Crepus' death. And the timing is such that, after Kaeya has chosen Mondstadt (Lisa wanted Mondstadt, but gave him options because it seemed clear that he needed to feel like he'd made a choice) in large part because he has fond memories and a desperate hope that Crepus might have some sympathy, Lisa and Kaeya arrive in Stone Gate in time to hear that that Dawn Winery is closed because it's in mourning for Crepus, and its young master has recently passed through going the other way. :>

Though the household did react to Kaeya going missing those six years ago! Crepus spent months upon months in Sumeru hiring everyone he could to scour the place, and Kaeya knows that because Anatoli went out of his way to wipe out his test subject's trail in terror that Crepus might have the leverage to get the Akademiya to make him give him up. Which is why he'd hoped Crepus might, at the very minimum, give them shelter and/or give Lisa some money, despite the whole 'Abyssal taint' thing. He was banking very, very hard on 'even if I can't repay Lisa for getting me out myself, Crepus can afford to.' Finding out that he'd just died, that Kaeya had just missed seeing him alive, was devastating and triggered suicide attempt #5.

TBH I am not sure he makes a 'good' recovery per se! It depends on your definition, but like, while he does spend a good few years getting help unpicking his trauma, he still has plenty by the time of game start. I don't think he joins the Knights directly, as a knight; I don't know exactly how things wrap up (theabysscomeshome and I have talked through to the Dramatic Final Confrontation of what would be the second fic if I was writing it, but not the aftermath), but while Lisa becomes Ordo Librarian once the risk of extradition to Sumeru is cleared up, if Kaeya joins at all it's in some kind of auxiliary role.

Lisa does get him a catalyst early on, and he learns eventually how to channel his Cryo through it so he can disguise the source, and thus is fighting-capable, but in all honesty this may be another AU where he joins Benny's Adventure Team, because he fucking loves Bennett. Whenever he says something that he thought was normal and everyone else looks horrified by, Bennett blithely responds with some almost-as-horrifying anecdote of a bad-luck incident. Bennett lets him help with his chores and equipment maintenance, and whenever Kaeya fumbles things because he has all of three fingers, Bennett blames his own bad luck and apologizes for it. Bennett, all of twelve years old at the time, full-on attempted to fight the celebrated Captain Jean Gunnhildr for the sake of Kaeya's freedom. Kaeya mostly gives up on killing himself as a solution to every problem because he realizes it's entirely possible that Bennett will blame himself, and that would be intolerable.

(Bennett's reaction to Diluc, when he returns, is way more similar to Kaeya's initial reaction to Razor than Kaeya thought he was actually capable of.)

So, yeah! I don't know entirely where it goes, but I don't think he's a standard Knight in this AU at any point. (Among other things, he flat-out refuses to fight or kill hilichurls.) He may end up being on-call for them in some capacity, he may become an adventurer with Bennett and just drop any useful info he picks up into Lisa's ear to share with Jean, he may end up a library assistant, I'm not sure. And he does, regardless, do the same 'using his linguistic knowledge/Abyss associations to gather information on the Abyss Order's movements' thing for them. But even with the catalyst he honestly doesn't meet physical-capability standards, and he doesn't want to be directly within a command structure, so I don't think the Knights are right for him.

[mysterious-ocarina]

Jealousy, Jealousy

Tate Langdon x Harmon!reader

Main Masterlist

(1.1k words)

You were the lesser known Harmon sibling. When your father cheated Violet took it harder than you did, or at least that's what your parents think. This is why they spent most of their focus on Violet because neither of them wanted her to be angry with them.

You were more angry with your father than your mother. You still didn't understand why or how she forgave her cheater husband but you were proud of her for how strong she was, especially after everything.

When you moved to California, you weren't very excited. A bigger house meant more space for everyone to forget about you. Now everyone still loved you, they weren't a bad family. You just received the least attention which didn't always bother you but when you met him, that's when it started to bother you.

When you got to the house, there was just something about it that didn't feel right. Then when you found out about it's history, your bad feelings not only felt true, but they amplified. You just had this gut feeling that the history of this house was alive, still active.

You met Tate on an ordinary afternoon. You were walking upstairs to your room with a bag of chips in hand. He was coming out of Violet's room when you bumped into him, causing you to drop your bag.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention," you looked up at him apologetically. You noticed that he was fairly attractive and looked about yours and Violet's age, "Who are you?"

"I'm Tate. . .a friend of Violet's. And you?" he asked you.

"I'm y/n, Violet's sister. She's a couple years younger than me," you told him. Something about him was making you nervous, but you couldn't identify if it was good nervousness, bad nervousness, or both that you were feeling.

"I didn't know she had a sister, a beautiful one at that," he quickly replied. This made you flush and look away from him.

"I get that a a lot. I'll see you later," you rushed out and fled to your room.

Since then whenever Tate would come by, he would hang out with you too. You would listen to music, play silly board games, and read books together. It didn't take you long to figure out that there were ghosts of past owners living here and that Tate was indeed a ghost.

You never mentioned to him that you knew. You just didn't think it was that important and didn't want to make it a big deal. You came to love the ghosts you encountered, anyways. You played dress up with the two little girls in the basement and bought some Nerf guns for the twins.

Lately it seemed that when Tate was here, that he spent more time with Violet than he did you. Sometimes not even seeing you at all. The only way you knew he was here was because you and Violet shared a wall so you could hear them giggling and having fun.

You were extremely jealous. You knew that you and Violet were pretty different. You also felt that everyone chose her over you and now you thought that Tate was choosing her over you. It didn't take long for you to gain feelings for the blond fluffy-haired boy, which is why you were feeling so jealous of Violet.

Tate was coming out of Violet's room, when you ambushed him. You felt bad for it, but you needed to talk to him, "Hello, Tate."

"Oh um, hey y/n. How are you?" he seemed nervous to talk to you, which kind of hurt.

"I'm doing fine, but you wouldn't know that 'cause you haven't talk to me in weeks," you crossed your arms at him. you weren't going to back down. He needed to understand how he hurt you.

"I'm sorry y/n, I've just been busy," he rushed out. It was obvious that he was hiding something from you.

"Yeah, busy hanging out with my sister. Look, I understand that you met her before me, but I really thought that we were. . .best friends," you hesitated at that because he was more than a best friend to you. You couldn't tell him that obviously.

"I have to go," he said before running off. That's all he said. You knew that he wasn't the best with dealing with emotions but you didn't think he was going to run away from you.

You stormed off to your room and went straight to bed. You were crying because you thought that for sure you lost him. He wanted Violet more than you. Eventually you fell asleep, tears staining your pillow case.

You didn't know how long you were asleep. You were awoken by soft music filling your room. It was your favorite mixtape. You also noticed that a couple candles were lit. The last thing you noticed was Tate, sitting at the edge of the bed staring at you. You sat up quickly, "What are you doing here, Tate?"

"I came to say sorry, and hopefully make you feel better. I shouldn't have run away from you earlier, I just didn't know what to tell you. I didn't mean to hurt you, I would never want to hurt you," he rambled on. He seemed even more nervous than earlier and you didn't know what to make of it.

"What's up, Tate? You can be honest with me," you told him.

"Well, the truth is that a few weeks ago I realized that I have feelings for you. I didn't really know what to do about it so I just started to avoid you. I hung out with Violet as a distraction. Violet's pretty smart 'cause she realized why I was avoiding you. She even tried to convince to act on these feelings but I've never done this before so I don't know what to do," he talked really fast. If you didn't have all of your attention on him, you would have missed something.

"Tate, you have feelings for me?" you asked him. You couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"Not only that, I think I'm in love with you," he whispered.

You didn't know what to say so you just grabbed his face and brought it close to yours, "I think I love you too, Tate."

He moved forward the last few inches and kissed you. This was the best kiss you've ever had. He was gentle with you but also passionate, like he has been waiting for this forever.

He pushed you back to laying down, climbing in bed with you, "Does this mean that you forgive me?"

"Of course, I could never stay mad at you," you turned facing towards him. You were holding each other close by now.

You spent the rest of the night cuddled up together just talking and enjoying each other's presence. You had no reason to be jealous because all of his attention was on you.

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.” 

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxii - curiosity killed the cat

<< previous | masterlist | next >>

??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

The three remaining boys, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho rushed downstairs to see what the commotion was all about. Though they were nervous, they were also curious and they were not going to be the only ones left behind with the information.

But when they stepped onto the living area, they were confused at the sight upon them.

San and Wooyoung were nowhere to be found, Yeosang had a look of utter surprise which was a rare sight, a teary Jongho was standing next to Mingi who was fully crying, and in front of them was a person clad in a black hoodie and a pair of black sweats. The person's back was to the three so they didn't know who it was.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Hongjoong asked with all the strength he could muster. The others who stood in front of the person clad in black could only look at the leader but weren't able to utter a single word.

Slowly, the unknown person turned their body towards the three. All eyes widened and their breaths hitched, the sight before them was just too confusing to comprehend.

"What are you doing here?" Hongjoong asked.

"And who are you?" Yunho added.

The person took his hood off to reveal a man around their age, charming with a glint of playfulness as he smirked at them.

But before he could introduce himself, Mingi had beaten him to the punch, "this is (Y/N)'s cousin who also studied here," he said. The man nodded and grin widely, "Howdy, I'm Haknyeon," he then stuck his hand out for any of the three to shake, "Joo Haknyeon, pleased to meet your acquaintance,"

Before either one of the three could shake his hand, however, Mingi lunged forward to try and grab at Haknyeon's sweater. Luckily, Yeosang and Jongho managed to hold the larger guy back.

"Skip the pleasantries, Haknyeon, and tell them what you told us" he growled. Haknyeon only raised an eyebrow and smirked in amusement, "wow, (Y/N) was right when she said you're a ticking time bomb. No one is ever THAT happy, ever tried counselling, big guy?" he poked.

Then he turned around to the three still confused boys with a distraught expression, "It's about (Y/N)," he started.

"Oh God," Yunho yelped out, his hand immediately gripped onto the arm of the closest person which was Seonghwa.

"What about (Y/N)?" Seonghwa asked, voice cracking from nerves. Haknyeon looked like he didn't wanna talk, but the hopeful eyes in front of him struck something deep in him, "she... left," he said.

"Yeah, she left us, we know that," Yunho clarified, "no, she... LEFT left," Haknyeon stressed.

The boys behind Haknyeon let out choked out tears once again as the Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho felt like their world just shattered.

San and Wooyoung came back from the kitchen, San looking dishevelled and distraught as Wooyoung tailed after him, looking more or less the same but not worse.

"Tell me where she went," San demanded once he fully stood in front of Haknyeon. He was about to grab the stranger's hoodie in his hands but Wooyoung luckily prevented him.

Haknyeon took a step back from San to evade being grabbed, "can't do that, sorry, I promised her," he shrugged simply.

By this point, you could feel the tension in the room. The once sorrowful boys now had veins popping on their foreheads and they seemingly had their brains connected as they took a step towards Haknyeon together. The intruder was cornered in the middle of eight menacing men.

"See, Haknyeon, I told you sticking to the script would've been better,"

All nine heads snapped towards the direction of the kitchen where you stood, hands on your waist and your luggage and bag by your side.

Haknyeon grinned innocently and shrugged, "And where would the fun be there?" he joked, slipping himself from between the boys towards you. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and grinned widely at the eight now-dumbstruck men, "If you guys haven't figured it out, I was kidding, (Y/N)'s perfectly fine and she's back, she just needs my help to slip in here as a distraction while she slipped from the back," he said proudly.

But the silence in the room was deafening. Neither one of the boys reacted whatsoever. If you look closely, you're sure that neither of them was even blinking.

Seeing and feeling the tension, Haknyeon cringed and pat your head softly, "yeesh, tough crowd. I'll let you handle them on your own," he said simply before leaving from the back door where you came.

When the door closed behind Haknyeon, you finally realized that you now have to face the consequence of your action.

Luckily, you didn't have to break the silence.

"(Y/N)? Is that really you?" Jongho choked out, surprisingly. Out of everyone there, you thought the first ones to welcome you would've been Mingi, San, or Wooyoung, or even Seonghwa.

A smile broke on your face and your shoulders slumped in relief, "Yeah, it's really me, Ho,"

You were about to take walk towards them all when Yeosang stepped forward with a hand outstretched, motioning you to stop.

"You think you can just easily walk in here and we would just so easily accept you back?" he spat out.

Your feet stopped in its track and your heart dropped to your stomach.

"Accept me back? What do you mean accept me back, was I ever rejected by you all?" you couldn't help but ask, feeling like Yeosang didn't mean what he said.

But you were dead wrong.

"You left out of the blue, without any explanation, leaving us scrambling around like headless chicken looking for you. YOU rejected us first," he said.

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, "I didn't reject you guys- oh my God, I had to get away from here for a while and I couldn't tell any of you! I didn't have time because I was pressed, FORCED to leave and having to keep my mouth shut about everything, I was miserable when I left," your voice cracked on its own mid-sentence without you realizing.

A scoff left Yeosang's mouth, "No one forced you to do anything, (Y/N), you LEFT, you CHOSE to do that all on your own," he turned a bit to point at Mingi, Wooyoung, and Jongho, "You left those three crying their eyes out for you, there wasn't a day when Mingi wouldn't actively go out to look for you with one of the others, do you know that your former RA almost got his ass tied to a restriction order?" he then moved again to point at the three oldest, "Hwa hyung and Yunho barely ate, too stressed to even keep food down, Hwa hyung had to take medicine for the toll of stress on his body and Joong hyung barely went out of his room, he tried to distract himself from the fact that you left without saying anything, some of us had to force him to eat and sleep,"

Then suddenly he gripped onto San's hand and brought him forward. Your heart broke at how sunken San looked, bags under his eyes and he seemed visibly smaller and weaker, "and San here got so depressed that he wasn't able to function whatsoever. I had to make sure he got out of his bed and move around every day or else I'm sure that he would've died," Yeosang's voice cracked as tears began streaming down his eyes.

Yunho took a step forward and look around at everyone, "G-guys, let's calm down a bit-"

But he was cut off by Yeosang who had let his emotion took over him completely.

"You left us! You left us broken-hearted and confused and lonely and ruined! So no, you don't get to waltz here so easily, thinking that we'd just accept you with open arms after the crap you pulled. If you wanted to be a wandering tramp, then why even bother coming back? Did you get bored out there? Or were your conquest turned out to be a failure? We were genuine about you, yet you simply shrugged us off like dust," he screamed at you.

You didn't even realize that your own tears had run down your own face. You looked around for the other boys for help, but neither one were looking at you. They were actively avoiding your stare.

Seeing Yeosang's chest heaving heavily with lips trembling, Seonghwa took a step closer to him and pulled him back slowly.

"Yeosang, come on, man, not like this. Not now. Let's take a deep breath first, okay?" he said softly despite his own obvious bubbling emotion.

Maybe it was the raw emotion and the vulnerable state Yeosang was in, but he simply let Seonghwa drag him back slowly until they both retreated to the stairs.

One by one, starting from Jongho then Hongjoong and Wooyoung, then San slowly followed whilst keeping his eyes glued to the floor, they all left you. Your heartbeat quickened when you watched their retrieving figure, backs towards you so coldly.

Not that you could blame them, Yeosang made a point about you leaving just like that without any notice.

All that left were Yunho and Mingi.

As they looked at each other, you could see that they were debating whether to welcome you or not.

Your hope was immediately crushed as they simply gave you a broken-hearted stare and followed the other six, disappearing to their own rooms.

So all that's left was you, out in the open.

All alone.

Vulnerable.

How you wish you could turn back time and changed your decision.

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