#also i should mention that a movie musical adaptation is in the works and i have. thoughts. but theres not much info abt it so.

[nerdystarlightlove]

pov: I have just experienced something that changed my life forever (I just watched Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio)

[wundrousarts]

Hey, Owl House fans that are looking for other media to get into now that the show has ended: check out the Nevermoor series by Jessica Townsend!

The series is about a young girl named Morrigan Crow, who is whisked away to the magical city of Nevermoor the night she is supposed to die. Once there, she has to navigate her new home in the whimsical Hotel Deucalion, her education at the prestigious Wundrous Society, and the truth about the mysterious and powerful legacy she belongs to.

The series is categorized as middle grade/~YA, so it's similar in how it can appeal to an all-ages audience. Like The Owl House, it balances lighter moments with darker, more sinister revelations (and they're just getting started!). The author is queer herself and openly expresses her thoughts against + directly confronts bigotry and hatred while also being just an all-around wonderful person.

It contains some classic tropes such as a magical school, found family, and corrupt authority figures, all in unique and fresh ways. There is a diverse cast of characters, including a sapphic couple where one of them works at a magical library (sound familar...? 😉). There are several multi-dimensional antagonists, and they all work to challenge Morrigan and the story in their own unique ways. Also: there's a giant talking cat! Love that.

The series has an interesting magic system + worldbuilding, with tons of lore and history to dig your hands into and theorize if that's what you like. The character development is so fun and interesting as Morrigan and her friends grow up and find their place in the world. The world is so fleshed out that you can easily pick a minor side character or a location that's briefly mentioned, and extrapolate on how and where they fit into the story and themes as a whole.

There are three books out already, out of nine planned books. The fourth book Silverborn comes out in October, so there's plenty of time to get caught up until then! I highly recommend giving it a try.

[karereiko]

Hello, everyone from Yuumori fandom.

Guess what, because of Concert that will be held in July all parts of Moriarty the Patriot Musical (op1-op5) are available to rent and watch online. With my Morimu fanarts or other talks about it I often get asked where you can watch it, often my answer is that you have to buy DVD or Bluray to watch this wonderful adaptation of Moriarty the Patriot manga. I know it's a big cost and hard to get for some so Streaming like this is a great opportunity to watch Morimu.

Official twitter posted few days ago about this possibility and here is the post with all information about it:

1600 yen is great amount to check if you will like it and wach it because I think it's worth any money, director who made morimu clearly loves manga, he treats source material with care and even makes it batter at some times, there is also a lot less cuts than in anime, like a lot. May be little spoiler or not, but Baskerville arc is there and Durham date too, as well as many Sherlock and John stuff that was cut in anime, some things from Moran arc etc. this is already big selling factor, right?

Actors are amazing and they love and care for characters they play. I wasn't into any actor adaptations before Morimu, I was ok with musicals but not caring too much about them and Morimu sold me since first part and it only got better and better each part even if you think that's not possible. Songs are there to make emotions and moments deeper or to have real fun with plot they show, they are not there just for song to be there. So yes high recommendation for you all to check Morimu if you didn't saw it yet. The most amazing thing is that you don't need VPN to buy those streams.

I was going to write about this few days ago and was busy, good I didn't because I talked with friends in Yuumori fandom who knows morimu and we were troubled to recommend this stream to people who doesn't understand Japanese. Morimu is faithful adaptation so almost like 70% lines comes from manga and you should understand what's going on if you read manga. Still, with subs it's a lot easier.

Kana did amazing job in creating English translation for Morimu Op1-Op4 at this point, all who bought DVD/Bluray versions of Morimu are using those subs and if you decide to buy own copy after seeing stream then those subs works great with DVD/Bluray versions.

So we talked over the stream matter and from what we checked with this plugin to Chrome it's possible to play subs with Morimu stream after you rent it (It works only with Chrome but if you know other program like this you can try it on different browsers, we only checked Chrome and this plugin) :

The only matter is that Kana saved subtitles in .ass file format, but you can easily format them to .srt file format that this plugin plays with this site:

You just open subtitle file and save it as srt, and open it with plugin to your Morimu stream. If you will have any more problems with subs them write me a message and I will try to help as soon as work let's me.

I think this is the easiest option that creators gave us now to watch Morimu, it was never so easy to buy or rent it until now, you had to use crazy VPN programs and other stuff to just check on it. So this is best option since for sure it won't last forever. Such promotional streamings are only around when new part is coming up, currently Concert I mentioned.

So for other things I wanna to say. If you get your copy of Morimu then please don't share it, don't post it to any social sites. Company that makes Morimu is quite strict with that matter and they do search who uploads those musicals and strikes them down/ deletes files even on places like google drive. Even without it, it's a matter of love for Moriarty the patriot. As much as fandom wants more people to watch those musicals, any piracy might destroy our chances to get Op6, possibilities for future streams and other stuff. Currently with Op5 we reached end of Final Problem arc and there is hope that maybe one day New York arc will be done in op6. Any piracy, sharing and messy stuff might destroy such chance, so please if you hold dear MTP then respect those rules. Watching streams with your friends in closed groups after you buy it isn't bad but please hold from any public sharing (they would be taken down anyway, but it would still put us fans in very bad light).

I know end of this post was not nice but it had to be told. I hope this possibility will help you see Morimu and fall in love with it like I did. I would recommend at least seeing OP1 and OP2, it should hook you and OP3 is where everything hits even more than op1-2, more hits from songs, more hits from sherliam stuff.

Hope to see you in Morimu cult :D... ehem... fandom. May you have "wind" (for some Great Detective) in your heart like William....

[rythmicjea]

Jeronica Endgame Analysis

I wrote this on Reddit and have been meaning to bring it over here. But commenting on @elizacinnamon's tumblr is what convinced me to do it. Buckle up because it's a long one!

Okay so, looking at all of the easter eggs in the episode, to me, it's heavily coded that Betty and Archie do end up together and that Jughead and Veronica end up together. The first thing that should be acknowledge is that everything in this episode is done with a purpose. They couldn't definitively say who Archie ended up with because Archie comics is predicated on the unanswered question of "Betty or Veronica?" so they had to make things "ambiguous" so people could come to their own conclusions.

When we hear of Veronica's life, Jughead says that she was known for her "impeccable taste" and "produced some of the most iconic movies of our time". So, right there, that's huge. That's a lot of heavy lifting. While he is complimentary and sensitive to everyone else's ending, the way he describes Veronica's life is just more. Take Fangs, he doesn't describe "Pixie Girl" as a "timeless" or "iconic" song. He just says that Midge and their daughter were taken care of and that his gold record will hang as long as there is a Riverdale High. He doesn't mention if Kevin or Clay won any awards for their work, but he says that Veronica won two Oscars. He goes out of his way to note the importance of Veronica's achievements.

The scene at The Babylonium is where I've found the most clues to their shared future. Jughead says "I always loved this theater". He doesn't say that about any of the other places they visit. Throughout the show, they regularly used characters to represent overarching themes. For example, Archie = Riverdale. I take Jughead's declaration to be a euphemism for Veronica. It's not that farfetched to believe that they fell in love while in high school. They were together for a year and a half before graduation. So, in the scene, he says "I always loved this theater. But it had a good run." At this time, in reality, both Veronica and Jughead have passed. Their run ended. He then lifts the seat and HIS CROWN is drawn under it! Why? This is a quick visual cue that he and Veronica are connected. If the Babylonium is a physical representation of Veronica (which is what the episode frames it as) then she essentially has a Jughead tattoo on her (a bit of a dramatic way of putting it lol). But, also this is not the first time something like that is in the show. In season 1 and 2, Betty wears a sweater with a yellow three pronged crown. It's universally recognized as Jughead's crown (she wears it on his birthday and in the Heather's musical episode). So, he makes his statement and BAM Veronica appears. Every time we see a character that isn't in the "relived day", it is a clip of them in the future. Veronica is the only character to essentially be an apparition. They didn't have to include her, but they did. And seeing as it's Narrator!Jughead (the real/angel Jughead is in the Pop's in the Sweet Hereafter, and the show literally ends with typewriter sounds) telling Betty all of this, Veronica's appearance can be taken as a clue that she is ever present in his mind/life.

When we see her in her office, she has four "The Comet" posters behind her. Hanging posters of the movies you made is very common. What isn't common is that one franchise has such a place of honor, so that means it's incredibly significant to her. Her clothing is in the style of the early 80s (the creators had an idea to bring everyone through time with each episode but it wasn't feasible so this is kind of a nod to that. Cheryl is seen in the late 60s, Betty in the 70s, and Veronica is the early 80s). We know that Jughead adapted The Comet into a comic book, and he was the one that introduced her to WEB DuBois' people. The artwork of the posters is the same as the comic he created. Making movies at that time was very time-consuming. Also, franchises like that were not common. The whole "Saga", "Trilogy", and "Universe" collections of today were not done to the same extent back then. So, not only was "The Comet" incredibly popular (because it got four movies) but it spanned over a large time frame (again, she still has the posters up decades after graduation via her clothing style), meaning that there was a consistent dialogue between Jughead and Veronica.

Outside of the Babylonium is a poster for "The Big Sleep" (It's also on the Marquis). This is a direct reference to the episode "The Red Dahlia" (3x14) where Veronica enlists Jughead's help. It is one of the main "Jeronica" episodes of the series. In that episode he says that he'll be her "Philip Marlowe". In The Big Sleep, Philip Marlowe is the main character played by Humphrey Bogart. In the same episode he says "Nice hat... Bacall." Lauren Bacall is the female lead of The Big Sleep. Bogart and Bacall were a huge draw for audiences. They were a power couple of their day (and they were also married... hint hint lol). They were the Bennifer and Brangelina first.

Now, moving onto Jughead. He doesn't talk much about himself. Everything that Betty says can literally be read on screen in his obituary. There are two main takeaways from this scene. The first is he barely talks about himself. When he does, he focuses on talking about his career and there's no mention of his personal life. This is a parallel to Veronica's description. He only describes her career and not her personal life. What is also a parallel is that in his summary of Veronica's life he says that she was known for "taking risks on young, raw talent" ie Jughead. Jughead tells Betty that he "put all of his eggs in one basket". That turn of phrase is to mean that you did the riskiest thing possible. When Betty asks if he ever regrets not getting circled he says 'sometimes'. It's a very ambiguous statement. BH shippers will say that he is talking about Betty. But his relationship with Betty ended in high school (both times) and were never rekindled later in life. It doesn't have to be that regrets not marrying Veronica, but it can be taken that way.

The second is on the artist easel in the Madhouse offices. There is a picture of Veronica. It is not a photograph it is the canonical comic book portrait of Veronica (Pep Comics IS Archie Comics). And it is smack dab in the middle of the easel. This is another parallel to Veronica's future. She has "The Comet" posters and he has her portrait. Remember, his first comic book line that he created was "Veronica: The Teenage Witch". So this is a clue that he has used Veronica's likeness IN his magazine for most, if not all of, the run. There's no picture of Betty or Archie. Why still have Veronica's portrait and use her likeness if they weren't still connected in real life?

Now we come to the final scene. So, throughout all of Riverdale (with a few exceptions) the milkshakes that the core four drink all correspond to their hair color. Betty = Vanilla, Archie = Strawberry, Jughead and Veronica = Chocolate (double chocolate to be specific - which can be extrapolated to represent them. It's a stretch but it can be made). In the final moments, we see that this formula has been flipped. When Betty sits in the booth, Archie is drinking a Vanilla milkshake and he hands Betty a strawberry one noting it's "her favorite". What are Jughead and Veronica drinking? Double chocolate milkshakes. If in the Barchie Endgame theory Strawberry being Betty's "favorite" is to mean "Archie" then we can apply that same logic to Jughead and Veronica. Then there is their seating arrangement. The girls on one side and the boys on the other. Betty is sitting directly in front of Archie and Veronica is sitting directly in front of Jughead. Again, because they had to keep the "Who will Archie choose?" answer ambiguous they use this blocking technique to show the pairings without the pair sitting right next to each other. (Couples either sit next to each other or across from one another.)

That is my analysis of the finale using clues to prove that Jughead and Veronica were "endgame". I hope you liked it! If you have any corroborating theories let me know!

[marvelousmop]

The Mystery of John Burr the Chestnut Man

The Land of Oz is a series with many an obscure characters - most people could probably tell you about Dorothy, the Tin-Man, the Lion, and the Scarecrow, but how many know of Ozma? Or Tik-Tok? What of Professor H.M. Wogglebug T.E.? And that's just scratching the surface, considering there are so many books (around 40 considered "Canonical"), and then beyond that there are characters who pop up in works connected to Oz... and then there's the case of John Burr the Chestnut Man. Who the Hell is he?

Well, first, some context:

In the year 1900, L. Frank Baum published The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, complete with illustrations from W.W. Denslow. Due to their collaborative efforts on the book, it was agreed that both men should have the rights to the characters and various elements within the first book. This arrangement may sound a bit unusual, but really it should be fine as long as Denslow and Baum don't have some sort of falling out.

Guess what happened in 1902 while they were working on the Wizard of Oz Stage Musical?

So, Denslow and Baum went their separate ways, with Baum going on to write "The Marvelous Land of Oz", while Denslow continued illustrating for books such as "The Pearl and the Pumpkin". He also worked on a small book called "Denslow's Scarecrow and the Tin-Man", featuring a short story about the duo getting into some hijinx after deciding they were tired of working endlessly on the Wizard of Oz stage show - I'm sure he wasn't working through anything there.

Around the time Marvelous Land got published, he also worked on a newspaper series called "Queer Visitors from the Marvelous Land of Oz" which served both to promote the sequel and increase the reach of the Oz brand. It's also one of the few remaining artefacts of a time when Baum really wanted Professor Wogglebug to be the mascot of the Oz series, but that's a discussion for another time.

Denslow sees this and thinks "Well, I'll show him! I'll make my own newspaper series!" and so we got Denslow’s Scarecrow and the Tin-Man (yes he used the same name as he did for the book - he also split that book into two halves and published them in the newspaper series, so that’s confusing). Unlike Baum's strip, this series mainly stuck to the events of the 1902 stage musical, so Dorothy never left Oz and is also referred to as Dorothy Gale (a name Baum wouldn't use in prose until Ozma of Oz) or Dotty (her show-exclusive nickname). The first story also makes reference to a Good Witch covering the poppy field with snow, which didn't happen in the book but did happen in the musical. Other than this though, they keep references deliberately vague - no mention is made of King Pastoria II, Cynthia Synch, or Dorothy’s pet cow, Imogene (who replaces Toto in the stage musical - similarly, this series makes no reference to Toto). It’s interesting to see an Oz-related work be influenced by a very popular adaptation other than the MGM movie.

Okay, but who is John Burr the Chestnut Man?

John Burr is introduced in the second story in the Scarecrow and Tin-Man series, and immediately he raises questions. Apparently, he's the Fairy Godfather of the Scarecrow (which possibly links him to the Scarecrow's 1902 musical origin wherein he comes to life because Dorothy wished for a friend, but this isn't made explicit) and possibly the Tin-Man. It's not clear. The Scarecrow and the Tin-Man are joined at the hip for most of this series though, so it hardly matters. In his first appearance, he transports the Scarecrow, Tin-Man, and the Cowardly Lion down to Earth, making him one of the most powerful characters in the series at this point.

Later in the series, he hands the Scarecrow and the Tin-Man "Magic Passes" because nobody will tell these poor guys how money works, so they just keep stealing things (relatedly, the Scarecrow and the Tin-Man book I mentioned earlier where they're performing in the musical mentions that the two just aren't paid for their work... again, I'm sure Denslow wasn't working through anything there)... and that's it. That's all we know of him. He enters the narrative, fulfils this oddly powerful role for someone who isn't even hinted at in anything prior and is then forgotten about entirely.

Also, he sells chestnuts, that's why he's the chestnut man.

[Honestly, the funniest thing about this whole situation to me is that Denslow's Scarecrow and the Tin-Man series is just significantly better than Queer Visitors from the Marvelous Land of Oz - better art and the writing is just very charming - both are probably equally racist though, so be warned if you want to seek these out].

[weirdkpopgirl]

Stronger Together | Haechan Fic #2

Title: Stronger Together

Genre: College AU, exes to lovers (sort of)

Warnings: mentions of mental health issues like anxiety and self-harm, bullying. the story gets very emotional

Word Count: 14k

Author's Note: Omg I've been working on this story for way too long. This has been on the backburner of my drive for months. And somebody sent a request, asking me to write something with Haechan where the reader has a hard time being vulnerable with him. So I thought I might as well finish this story since it fits that request? I apologize for how long and cliché it is. I was also heavily influenced by the k-dramas that take place in universities lol. Thank you guys for reading and I really hope you like it ^^

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

~ prologue ~

Everything felt like some tragic scene from a romance movie gone wrong. One that left the audience holding their breaths, afraid of what the character’s next move would be. Meeting at a café, the one close to your university. The aroma of fresh coffee filled the air. The dimmed ambiance, as it was no longer daytime. Soft music playing in the background. Then there was you two in the corner of the room. The warm drinks set atop the wooden table remained untouched. The carefree smiles faded gradually.

At last, the silence was broken. When you met his eyes, all the courage you mustered up dispersed. Then the words you never thought you’d hear yourself say fell from your lips.

“Let’s break up.”

The sun receded behind the somber, gray clouds as the storm took hold, leaving behind the absence of the once cherished feelings of warmth and radiance.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter one ~

“Yeonsung University’s Hae-Dal Couple Seen Sharing a Cute Moment Before Class,” Jaemin read aloud to the group.

You held back a grimace when you scrolled through the snapshots, most likely taken behind the school bushes. One of Donghyuck gently removing an eyelash off your cheek. One of you smiling fondly at him. One of him giving you an innocent kiss on the forehead. What began as a quiet exchange with your boyfriend had turned into morning gossip eagerly devoured by the students of Yeonsung.

“We look cute don’t we?” Donghyuck proudly swung an arm around your shoulders. Unlike you, he wasn’t bothered by the post at all. 

You shrugged in response. “I guess.”

Maybe you were just being sensitive. At the start of university, you had a lot of goals. Study hard, get good grades, and find a nice internship. Love and leisure? Those were not on the list. Yet somehow Lee Donghyuck, one of the most popular freshmen, just had to pursue you out of all the other girls who fawned over him.

A little over half a year has passed since you agreed to be his girlfriend—after numerous rejections, and you still haven’t adapted to your elevated social status. The way everyone stopped to look in awe at the two of you when walking by. How there always seemed to be someone with a phone to capture a single moment of your day and post it to the UniYeon, your college’s community site. The endless stream of comments praising you both as the epitome of couple goals and being jealous over your relationship with the one and only Lee Donghyuck was unrelenting.

Maybe you were crazy for disliking the attention, even though it wasn’t necessarily bad. Being a campus couple—with Lee Donghyuck much less, meant taking all the pressure that came with it. Your boyfriend seemed to have no problem ignoring what everyone else thought. So why was it so hard for you?

“Hey, guys!” Your best friend, Ahryun, snapped you out of your thoughts. “There’s this new fried chicken place that opened nearby. We should check it out. I heard there’s a special discount for university students there.”

Your lips parted, hesitant to respond, as a sense of wariness washed over you. Fortunately, Donghyuck spoke up, saving you both from the need to answer.

“Can’t. (Y/n) and I have a date for our 200-day anniversary,” He said proudly. You couldn’t help but smile when he turned to you with such loving eyes.

Although it felt like the whole university was watching your relationship like it was a reality show, you could handle the inconvenience. The love you had for Donghyuck allowed any wary thoughts to temporarily shift to the back of your mind. 

You never pictured yourself dating someone like him, honestly. To say the least, you and he were quite the opposite of each other. He was a social butterfly, who made everyone around him laugh. You were the more reserved type, sticking with small groups of friends, and hiding your face behind the thin rose-gold glasses you always wore. Donghyuck often left you wondering what made him like you in the first place.

The anticipation in Ahryun’s eyes dissolved into disappointment. “Ah, I see. What about you, Jaemin?”

“Sorry, I can’t either. It’s my turn to cook for Jeno and me,” Jaemin replied, rolling his eyes at the mention of his best friend. He peered up from his phone and shifted his attention to the group. “Also, it’s been 200 days already? Time flies.”

You and Donghyuck nodded in agreement. The dark-haired boy leaned back in his seat with a nostalgic look. “Ah, it felt like yesterday when Donghyuck followed (Y/n) around like some lost puppy.” 

Ahryun set her chin on the palm of her hand. “How did you handle him, (Y/n)-ah?”

“He just grew on me, I guess,” You shrugged, turning to look at the boy who gave unamused looks to the two people sitting across from you.

You reached your hand out to gently pet his head. “And it turned out he was very sweet and cute.”

Cliché words like this were rare from you. But seeing the pleased smile on Donghyuck’s face was sort of worth the minor embarrassment.

“See? (Y/n) loves me, thank you very much.” He childishly stuck his tongue out at your friends, earning a head shake from them. He stood up and offered his hand so you could walk out together.

 “Now if you excuse us, we have a reservation to prepare for.”

▃▃▃

Despite being seated not long ago, the fluttery feeling in your stomach had yet to leave you. Since you had planned your 100-Day anniversary date, Donghyuck took responsibility for this one. That’s how you find yourself at a classy Italian restaurant. When looking at the other tables, you felt underdressed in your powder blue dress that was quite plain.

“How did you find this place?” You asked conscientiously.

A part of you wanted to ask if you guys could afford this place, considering you were broke college students. But you didn’t want to cause any tension when his effort into planning this special day was clear.

He casually glanced up from the menu in his hands. For a moment you forgot you were also holding one. “I just came across it, when I was searching for restaurants we should try someday. This one has the rose pasta you like.”

“Oh, really?”

Finally, your eyes dropped down to your own menu. The slight nervousness you had began to fade as a small smile stretched across your lips.

You loved witnessing the rare moments where your boyfriend’s subtle consideration peeked through. He often pretended not to pay attention when you talked about a food you liked or an activity you’ve always wanted to try. But in reality, he secretly saved those small details in his pocket for future surprises. Honestly, you were lucky to be one of the few people to see this side of Donghyuck.

Once you adjusted to the new setting, dinner with Donghyuck was quite delightful. Dates with him often started with feelings of nervousness and hesitation. But Donghyuck’s humor and charm always managed to melt away your anxiety. It was in those times when you allowed yourself to relax and enjoy the present moment.

During the date, the topic of conversation mainly revolved around school. Since his major was music production and yours was creative writing, your schedules didn’t align. Some may hate the distance throughout the day, but you and Donghyuck truly didn’t mind.

Though the boy occasionally complained about how he missed you, having something to talk about when you were together was nice. You loved listening to him share his experiences, and learn about the classes he was taking. Donghyuck always had the most amusing stories about something that happened to him or one of his friends.

The bright blue sky disappeared as the evening settled in, just as your dinner came to a close. You may or may not have reprimanded Donghyuck when he went to the “bathroom,” but instead paid for the meal at the counter. 

“We could’ve split the check.” You crossed your arms in disapproval.

Knowing how stubborn your boyfriend could be, chastising him was futile. Yet you still did it. Which caused you to insist, “At least let me pay for drinks later.”

“Deal,” The boy agreed. “But before we go, I have a little something for you.”

Unsure of what to expect, you eyed him curiously as he reached into his jacket pocket. He brought out a cream-colored box and pushed the small item toward you.

“Open it.” 

Hesitantly, you took the box in with one hand and opened it with the other. The slightly smug smile on his face changed to one of satisfaction when you gasped.

Inside the box revealed a necklace and not just any necklace—one with a sterling silver chain, and a crescent moon pendant made of white gold. Instantly, you recognized the gift as a reference to your couple name, Hae-Dal. That was what your fellow peers started calling the two of you at the beginning of your relationship. This given title was probably the only thing you honestly didn’t hate about being a campus couple.

Hae was a word for sun, and dal meant moon. Donghyuck was the sun because of his bright and extroverted nature. On the other hand, the moon represented your cold and pessimistic demeanor. Despite your contrasting personalities, the balance between you two was nothing short of marvelous.

“Hyuck, you shouldn’t have…”

Leaning back in his seat, the grin on his face didn’t leave. “I know. I’m amazing aren’t I?”

His teasing response was out of instinct. However, it was also his way of covering up the warm sensation that filled his heart when you called him by his nickname. You were the only person who did.

“It’s perfect. Thank you, really,” You breathed, allowing yourself to smile at him.

Before you guys parted ways for the night, Donghyuck didn’t let you leave without helping you put on the necklace. You couldn’t control the blush on your cheeks when his fingers grazed your neck as he connected the clasp. Especially when he used his other hand to cup the side of your face to bring you closer to him. His lips connected to yours in one of the most tender kisses he’s ever given. The exchange left you feeling as though time had stopped and nothing else in the world mattered.

“I love you, (Y/n). Let’s stay together forever.” His tone was lighthearted. However, the intensity of his gaze and the unmistakable spark in his eyes revealed just how deeply committed he was.

Agreeing wholeheartedly, you gently pressed your forehead against his and whispered. “Yes, let’s do that.”

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter two ~

For once, all of the negative thoughts in your mind quieted down. Despite having to wake up early for class, you felt more cheerful than usual. Even Ahryun noticed you had more energy today. The two of you met up in the library to do some homework.

“Okay, you’ve been acting like some lovestruck teenager all morning.” She gave you a weird look. “All because of Lee Donghyuck?”

You glanced up from the notes you were taking and smiled sheepishly. “Is it that obvious?”

Ahryun nodded and gestured to your neck. “Very. Did he give you that necklace?”

Almost instinctively, your hand reached to hold the pendant. You hadn’t taken it off since last night. Which was outstanding, considering you rarely wore jewelry.

“Wah, Donghyuck must really like you,” Ahryun smiled. “I wish I had a boyfriend to buy me expensive gifts.”

You shook your head. “That’s not why I like him though. The more I get to know Donghyuck, the more I see what a thoughtful person he is.”

Ahryun’s eyes widened with interest.  “Tell me more about him.”

Out of habit, you folded your arms self-consciously when she leaned forward on the table. Maybe your lack of experience in relationships was the reason it felt so weird to talk about, now that you were actually in one. Back in high school, Ahryun was the one who’d be going on and on about her past boyfriends. You were pretty sure all the boys in your grade crushed on her at least once.

A part of you used to envy her. Ahryun had the type of beauty that didn’t require much effort. She always had the best features, the best fashion sense, and the best social skills. Once you started university, you thought Ahryun would end up being one of those campus couples. So even now, you were still surprised how things were the other way around.

“We’ve been dating for almost seven months now. But it feels like he and I have known each other forever,” You spoke honestly, twirling a pencil in your left hand. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but I’m ready to open up to Donghyuck about…you know.”

The intrigued expression on Ahryun’s face disappeared. “Oh (Y/n), are you still…?”

A part of you wanted to hide under the table when her eyes darted to your right arm. Despite it being fully concealed by your white sweater, you instinctively pulled the sleeve down further out of paranoia. Almost no one knew about the dark secret that hid beneath the fabric.

Ahryun was the only person at the university who knew about your history of mental illness. Due to the toxic environment, you grew up in, you’ve always been an anxious child. As you matured, you constantly doubted yourself, convinced that you were merely fabricating everything within your own mind. It wasn’t until high school that those insecurities sought to completely destroy you.

The present you still hated yourself. But back then, the self-hatred stored inside of you was immense. Eventually, a box cutter came into your possession. Tenth grade was the beginning of your long, messy history with self-harm. Things got so bad in the last year of high school that you recklessly ran into a busy street. You could still hear the sound of the car horns blaring.

Unfortunately, your attempt to end your life failed. Your actions led to an unwelcome reputation that spread like wildfire through the entire school. You became labeled as the "crazy suicide girl," attracting gawking students in the hallways and the judgmental gazes of teachers. Amidst this turmoil, Ahryun remained steadfast as your true friend, standing unwaveringly by your side, providing much-needed support throughout it all.

After going through that trauma, you knew that anxiety would be a lifelong battle for you. But since starting university, you were in a far better place than you were at seventeen years old.

“I haven’t done it since I met Donghyuck,” You answered honestly. “But I still think he deserves to know, don’t you think?”

Ahryun leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, pondering on how to respond.

“To be honest, I don’t think telling him is a good idea.”

Confusion crossed your eyes. “Why?”

“Most guys leave their girlfriends right away when they find out they’re…mentally ill,” Ahryun slowly explained. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Donghyuck walked out on you right after you told him.”

The small bubble of optimism in you burst. You have heard stories in relation to what Ahryun was talking about. 

“But not all men are like that, right? Donghyuck isn’t the type to--”

Ahryun cut you off quickly and exhaled in frustration. “Seven months might seem long because this is your first relationship, (Y/n). Donghyuck might not get angry now if you tell him about your anxiety. But he’ll eventually get tired of helping you, and leave. Do you want that?”

No, that was the last thing you wanted. Ahryun was right. Your relationship with Donghyuck was the longest you’ve experienced, but it was also the only one. Though you knew him well now, there was no way of knowing what he might be like in the coming years. 

“Besides, Donghyuck is a busy person,” Ahryun continued. “He has to balance his studies with all the clubs he’s in, and his internship. Telling him his girlfriend has anxiety would just add more stress to his life.”

Your friend’s words left a sting in your heart. But you found yourself agreeing with her. You knew—possibly better than anyone, how much he had on his plate lately. On top of all that, he managed to make time for you too. Maybe you were being too selfish.

“Yeah…I don’t know what I was thinking.” You brushed the conversation off. “Just forget I said anything.”

When you defeatedly went back to taking notes, you missed the satisfied smirk on your best friend’s face.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter three ~

Even though a few days had passed, that conversation with Ahryun kept replaying in your head. You felt like an ongoing battle was being fought internally. Your heart wanted to open up to Donghyuck. But your brain kept reminding you of Ahryun’s warnings. You hated yourself for overthinking things like this.

Your distraction left you a little dazed, and you found yourself zoning out throughout the day. In chemistry class, you made a conscious effort to push those bothersome thoughts aside. You listened attentively when the senior TA, Jaehyun explained today's lab procedures at the start of class.

Fortunately, you had Huang Renjun as your lab partner. He appeared to know what he was doing, a lot better than you did. At the beginning of the semester, the two of you were both a little shy and kept to yourselves. It wasn’t until you met him outside of class that you became more acquainted with the male. Coincidentally, Renjun turned out to be your boyfriend’s roommate and good friend. So the two of you naturally became closer after discovering this mutual connection.

“I think we’re almost finished.” Renjun’s gentle voice stole your attention away from the data table in front of you.

You tried to hold your pen steadily, watching him carefully mix the measured solutions into one beaker. Once he did, you quickly wrote down your observations in a lab journal. Thanks to Renjun, your experiment for the day ran pretty smoothly.

It wasn’t until after completing the lab that something went wrong. While Renjun was washing his hands, you took it upon yourself to return the supplies you guys used. The class was bustling around, cleaning up their stations. You gripped the slightly heavy tray in your hands tightly, trying to not let the crowded environment overwhelm you. 

Jaehyun, looking to offer some assistance, came up from behind you. “Do you need help (Y/n)—”

You jumped at the sudden sound of the TA’s deep voice, and the tray in your hands dropped onto the floor with a clang, shattering a beaker in the process. A not-so-nice word immediately shot into your mind thereafter. You could already feel the stares of other students and tried to ignore them. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you!” Jaehyun quickly apologized, seeming just as alarmed as you were. 

You shook your head with a faint smile, and instinctively bent down to clean up the broken pieces of glass. “N-no it’s my fault, Sunbae. I should’ve been more careful.”

Jaehyun took a step back when Renjun rushed to your side with an apprehensive expression.

“Wait (Y/n), don’t use your bare hands to clean that. You’re going to hurt yourself,” Renjun said, reaching his hand out to stop you.

It was only after you registered his warning that you caught sight of crimson spots on your lab coat. You glanced down to see the palm of her hand bleeding profusely from a small cut. The previous shard of the glass must’ve been sharper than you anticipated.

Renjun cursed when he saw. “Oh no, that looks bad.”

Your brain went into panic mode when he took your hand to examine it. In doing so, your sleeve was accidentally pushed up, revealing several faded pink lines just below your wrist. Immediately, you tried to pull your arm away. But the look of dismay in Renjun’s eyes told you it was too late.

Before you could say anything, Renjun’s hand delicately enclosed around your wrist so that no one else would see what he saw. He cleared his throat and turned to Jaehyun.

“Sunbae, is it okay if I take (Y/n) to the nurse’s office?”

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered between you and Renjun, then gave a brisk nod. “Yes, take her. Make sure (Y/n)’s hand is properly cleaned and bandaged.”

“Don’t worry Sunbae, I’ll take care of her.” Renjun bobbed his head. “Let’s go, (Y/n).”

As Renjun escorted you out of the room, your front teeth anxiously sank into your lower lip. Neither of you said anything on the walk to the nurse’s office. Renjun politely asked the nurse for a first-aid kit. After obtaining it, he brought you to a secluded area to tend to your cut.

The silence between you continued, as he meticulously wiped the blood from your palm with a damp cloth. You had to use a great amount of willpower to prevent yourself from flinching as he applied ointment to the cut and then proceeded to bandage it.

Your breathing quickened when you felt his hand come in contact with your wrist. It was evident that he wanted to investigate further into what he saw earlier.

“Renjun, please.” You put your hand over his. “You don’t want to see them.”

Renjun’s eyes brimmed with melancholy. He’s never heard your voice sound so…fragile. Actually, he wasn’t certain if anyone had seen this side of you.

“You can trust me, (Y/n). I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he spoke with reassurance. 

You withdrew for a moment, debating whether or not to let him see. After taking a deep breath, you slowly rolled up your sleeve, revealing the marks which varied in different shades of pink and white.

The composed expression on Renjun’s face contorted into one of shock, an expected reaction that failed to quell the fear coursing through your veins. His fingers brushed over the scars, as he inspected them with a non-judgemental gaze.

But his words were still laced with worry. “(Y/n) these are…”

“Please don’t tell Donghyuck,” You cut him off with a whisper. 

Renjun’s brows knit together. “He doesn’t know about this?”

“He can’t.” Your head shook hastily. “If he finds out, he’ll see the truth and realize how crazy I am. He’ll leave me.”

The look in Renjun’s eyes softened as he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Listen to me, (Y/n). I don’t know what you’re struggling with. But I know that Donghyuck would never leave you for something like this. He’ll want to help and support you.”

You let Renjun's encouragement sink into your head. Could it be true that Donghyuck wouldn’t judge if he found out this dark secret of yours? Or would it be wiser to pay attention to Ahryun’s advice, and keep it to yourself like you were used to?

“I…I just don’t know.” Your voice faltered.

Renjun gave you an understanding smile. “You should tell him when you’re ready.”

You let out a shaky breath, allowing the weight of the conversation to settle on your chest. A part of you wanted to believe Renjun was right about all of this. After a moment of silence, you glanced up and gestured to your wrapped-up hand.

“Thank you. I’m sorry you had to see all this,” you said, feeling a twinge of guilt.

Before you could add anything, Renjun embraced you in a warm hug, catching you off guard. His actions came as a surprise, given that he was typically the least physically affectionate person in your friend group.

“Don’t apologize. You’re my friend too, Kang (Y/n), and I’m here for you.”

You had to force yourself to look up at the bland ceiling to keep the tears at bay. But just as they began to prick the corner of your eyes, the sound of sneakers creaking against the floor stole your attention. Both of your heads turned to see a light-haired boy dashing down the hallway.

“Yah, Kang (Y/n)!” 

You sprang away from Renjun’s arms and checked to make sure your scars were concealed before standing up. Donghyuck’s sprint came to a stop and his eyes widened with panic as he saw your bandaged hand.

“I was so worried when Jaehyun Hyung told me what happened. Are you okay?” He moved towards you, immediately pulling you into his embrace. 

You released a small breath, surrendering to the comfort of Donghyuck's embrace. Even though you would never confess it, his hugs were always a source of warmth and tenderness that could soothe any pain. It was in moments like these when you cherished his comfort. Even if he didn’t know what was going on.

“It’s just a scratch, Hyuck. I’m sorry for worrying you,” You insisted, glancing at Renjun with a pleading look.

Renjun understood you were silently asking him not to say anything. Honestly, his care for your mental state made him not want to listen to you. But at the same time, he knew he had to respect your decisions. 

After a few moments, Donghyuck pulled away to gently place his hand over the left side of your face. His eyes searched yours momentarily, before dropping down to your right hand.

You held it up for him to see. “Renjun helped wrap it up for me. So I’ll be fine.”

The tension in Donghyuck’s shoulders lessened a bit. He gave his friend an appreciative smile. “Thanks for looking after her, Renjun-ah.”

“Anytime,” Renjun hummed. He grabbed his bag and closed the first aid kit. “I have to go return this. See you guys later, take care (Y/n).”

Once Renjun left, Donghyuck focused his attention back on you. He used the soft padding of his thumb to gently caress your cheek.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked with a slight pout. 

You nodded and squeezed his hand reassuringly.  It was endearing to see how worried Donghyuck was for you, and almost sickeningly sweet. You weren’t even that injured, but he still ran out of class. His actions only made you feel more loved.

However, Renjun's words from earlier lingered in your mind, and you realized that Donghyuck was your safe haven in moments like these. Although Ahryun's words still weighed heavily on you, you knew you couldn't keep your secret from Donghyuck any longer. He cared for you deeply, and as your significant other, he deserved to know.

▃▃▃

Later that day, Donghyuck and you decided to head back to your apartment. After an hour of studying, he suggested getting some takeout and continuing the drama series you’ve both been hooked on. The two of you sat at the far end of the sofa, snuggling underneath a fluffy white blanket.

As you rested your head against your boyfriend’s chest, you had to admit that being in his arms felt especially comforting that night. With the events of the day still weighing on you, the steady rhythm of Donghyuck’s heartbeat provided a soothing backdrop and eased the tension in your body.

Toward the second half of the episode, the female lead got into a heated argument with her boyfriend. The tension had risen after she reluctantly revealed her ex had been engaging in abrasive behavior in a poor attempt to win her back. 

“How long has this been going on for?” The man looked at her with a betrayed expression.

The woman crossed her arms insecurely and replied hesitantly. “The past two months.”

“Why did you wait so long to say something?” He demanded, slamming his wine glass on the table.

“Because I knew you’d react like this!” She retorted, frustration flashing in her eyes. 

The man scoffed in disbelief, running his fingers through his hair. “That’s not good enough! You shouldn’t have kept this from me.”

A feeling of unease filled you, as you witnessed the man stand up and storm out of the restaurant. You subtly glanced up at Donghyuck, wondering what he thought about the scene.

“Do you think he was overreacting?” You asked softly. 

Donghyuck tilted his head slightly, “Yeah, a little. But I understand why he’s upset at her for hiding something like that.”

“Well, I think she just didn’t want to worry him.” Your voice trailed off.

“I get that,” He said. “But he’s her partner, and keeping secrets from one another will only hurt their relationship.

“What would you do if I was keeping a secret?” You questioned hypothetically. “Like if I didn’t say anything because I thought it might hurt you?”

Donghyuck paused for a moment before answering honestly. “I would be more hurt if you didn’t trust me enough to be truthful. It’s important that we share things, even if it may be hard to hear at times.”

Listening to your boyfriend’s thoughts only caused a small knot of apprehension to form in your stomach. 

“You wouldn’t judge me or abandon me if I confided in you then?” You hoped he couldn’t hear the timidity in your voice.

He brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. The touch he left sent a tingling sensation down your spine. “Never. Whatever you’d be going through, I’d be by your side.”

You felt something catch in your throat as his sweet words sank in. When you first met, Donghyuck’s humorous behavior made you think he never took anything seriously. But talking to him now, you didn’t think you’d encountered a person who was more genuine than he was.

Taking his response as a confirmation to trust him, a rare feeling of determination consumed you. Reluctantly, you removed yourself from the comfort of Donghyuck’s arms and turn to face him.

“Actually Donghyuck, can I tell you something?”

A gentle concern filled the sun-kissed boy’s eyes as he sat up with you. His hand already reached out to grab your bandaged one, quelling the nerves that had quickly built up inside of you.

“Of course, Jagiya,” He responded patiently. “Whatever it is, I’m here to listen.”

You couldn’t think of a better moment to let Lee Donghyuck fully into your heart. The fear of what might or might not happen was not going to hold you back this time. He waited patiently, as you mentally pieced together what you were about to say. Your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest, but you tried to shake off the feeling. You haven’t been this nervous since the first time Donghyuck confessed to you.

After releasing a single deep breath, your lips parted to speak. “Hyuck there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you—”

However, your sentence was cut off by the sound of the front door being unlocked. Bursting through the door came your roommate, Yuna, her eyes wide with panic. Her ragged breathing made it evident she had rushed over here.

“Eonni, have you seen the latest post on UniYeon?” 

The mention of Yeonsung’s community site left you puzzled, your brows furrowing in bewilderment. You and your boyfriend exchanged looks of confusion.

“What are you talking about?” You tried to appear composed and unbothered by the disruption. When in reality, you were just trying to conceal the growing unease within you.

Yuna kicked off her sneakers before walking across the room. She pulled out her phone to show what she was referring to.

“I was studying in the library with my friends and some guys were talking about an article posted about you…” 

Donghyuck leaned in beside you to catch a glimpse. His actions prompted you to narrow your eyes in an attempt to decipher the tiny black Korean characters at the top of the screen. The headline read, Kang (Y/n) Spotted Holding Hands with Huang Renjun! 

You blinked a few times, wondering if you were hallucinating for a second. But the accusing words didn’t disappear. You tried to search for the name of the student who wrote this. But the post was anonymous. 

“What the hell?” Donghyuck hastily grabbed the phone. 

He scrolled down, revealing photos of you and Renjun in the hall earlier that day. The hall was usually empty, which made the situation look suspicious. The angles at which the photos were taken created an illusion that you were holding the boy’s hand as he knelt in front of you. When in reality, Renjun was only tending to the cut on your palm. 

“This is ridiculous. How can anyone believe this crap?” He scoffed. 

“Are you okay Eonni?” Your roommate’s voice was barely audible to you. An overwhelming feeling of dread was already beginning to consume you.

But you managed to plaster on a light-hearted smile. “It’s fine, Yuna. Thanks for letting me know.”

Yuna gave you an apologetic look as she accepted her phone back before excusing herself from the room. After she left, you reached for your laptop to pull up the article and stopped at the comment section. 

What an ungrateful b*tch! How dare she cheat on Lee Donghyuck?!

Omo, who does she think she is, going after her boyfriend’s close friend?

Aish, it’s always the sneaky quiet ones that are the devils in disguise.

Donghyuck put his hand over yours before you could scroll any further. Despite the anger simmering about the situation, he recognized the difficult position you were put in.

“Don’t listen to the garbage spewing out of their mouths.” He said firmly, closing the laptop. “We both know the truth, and that’s all that matters.”

“But still…I should’ve been more careful,” You muttered warily, running your fingers through your hair. 

He quickly reached to take your hand in his. “Hey, none of this is your fault, (Y/n)-ah. Don’t waste your energy on people who have nothing better to do than spread rumors.”

Your shoulders sank, taking in his words. His response was so natural and confident, leaving you in awe by how he didn’t place any blame on you. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” You return to your previous cuddling position and rest your head on his chest.

You felt the boy smile as his arms encircled your waist. “Oh, right. Weren’t you going to tell me something?”

Your mind raced back to what the two of you were talking about earlier. Hesitation filled you, and that small bout of courage you had was gone. 

“Oh—um, it can wait,” You brushed him off.

Donghyuck noticed your gaze shift downward, and he was about to encourage you to just tell him whatever it was right then. But then you snuggled closer to him, gently squeezing his waist.

“I just want to stay like this for a little longer,” You murmured into his t-shirt, trying to push away all the bad thoughts.

His heart quickened, and he couldn’t stop the stupid grin that formed. He wondered how someone could possibly be this adorable. While a part of him was still curious about what you were saying earlier, he was content with having you in his arms for now.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter four ~

Ahryun glanced at her reflection on her phone screen anticipatingly, as she stood under the camellia tree at the heart of the campus. Earlier this morning, Donghyuck asked if they could meet up. Receiving a text from the popular male was enough to make her heart skip a beat. Her mind instantly overflowed with all the possible reasons why he asked to meet her. Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long, as he showed up in his favorite blue drawstring hoodie and a pair of black ripped jeans.

“Hey, thanks for responding so fast.” He quickly greeted her.

“Of course. What did you want to talk to me about?” She asked sweetly. 

Donghyuck was too distracted to notice the dreamy smile that graced Ahryun’s lips. He wasted no time in getting to the point. “It’s just…(Y/n). You saw the post yesterday, right?”

“I did,” Ahryun slowly answered. Her smile faded as a tinge of disappointment quickly clouded her previously optimistic disposition. 

“People have been making a lot of stupid comments,” he male shook his head. “And even though she might pretend to be okay, I know this is affecting her. So I wanted to ask if you could keep her occupied?”

“Keep her occupied?”

Donghyuck’s eyes fell to the ground, before nodding. “I wish I could be with her, but my internship is today. And I thought since you’re her best friend, you could try to distract her from looking at her phone too much?”

Ahryun inhaled, trying to suppress her outrage. She should’ve known he would bring up her. What was so great about you that made Donghyuck feel like he needed to protect you from the real world? 

Holding back the urge to scoff, Ahryun masked her emotions behind a forced smile.

“Silly, I was already planning to take her out today,” She said. “But I would’ve done so even if you didn’t ask me to.”

The boy in front of her visibly relaxed, a look of relief washing over his face. “Yeokshi, Min Ahryun. I knew I could count on you.”

Her heart fluttered when he gave her an appreciative smile. He certainly wasn’t one of Yeonsung’s prince charmings for no reason. 

Donghyuck checked his watch and let out a soft curse under his breath. “I gotta go. My class starts in 11 minutes.”

Ahryun nodded understandingly before holding her hand out to stop him from leaving.

“Honestly, I’ve been worried about (Y/n) too, and not just because of the community post,” She admitted.

He turned to her with a confused look and waited for her to continue. She hesitated briefly before speaking up.

“She got diagnosed with anxiety last year. But I’m sure you already knew, right?”

His heart instantly sank to his stomach upon this revelation. A part of him wanted to believe Ahryun was joking. But you had been acting strange yesterday. Was this what you were trying to tell him about?

Ahryun fought back a sly grin, finding it hard to contain her amusement at his dismay. She pretended to be shocked with a feigned gasp. “Oh my, she probably didn’t want you to find out. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Anxiety? She didn’t…she never said…” 

Your friend grabbed his wrist in panic. "Please, Donghyuck-ah, you can't let her know that I told you. It's a sensitive topic for her, and she must have hidden it from you for a reason."

Based on the dumbfounded expression on his face, it was evident that the boy was rendered speechless. Ahryun had achieved the exact reaction she wanted. Donghyuck would never see you as that sweet and shy girl anymore. You resembled a fragile Jenga tower, seemingly growing taller. But it would only take a single block for you to collapse.

▃▃▃

You had thought about skipping class today. However, the rational part of your brain that wouldn’t allow anything to disrupt your academic focus, screamed a resounding “no” to you. Donghyuck offered to walk you to class, not wanting you to go alone. But you kindly declined, knowing his class was on the opposite side of campus. You weren’t going to trouble him with the extra distance.

However, the regret of that decision slowly crept up on you as soon as you set foot on campus. You didn't know what part of you believed you could handle the relentless gazes and barely restrained whispers all by yourself. Each passing minute in class felt like an eternity, with lingering glances directed your way. You felt as though you were under a microscope, a new specimen being scrutinized.

You released a quiet sigh, redirecting your focus to the professor's lecture. Aware that this was your last class for the day, you reminded yourself that enduring it for a mere fifty minutes was manageable. 

However, by the time the lecture was over, you had barely taken five steps when the buzzing of your phone disrupted your escape plan. Letting out a small sigh, you reached into your bag to take out the cellular device. The notification turned out to be a text from Ahryun four minutes ago. She had sent a message asking if you were out of class and wanted to meet up after.

On any other occasion, you would have readily agreed. But in that particular moment, all you wanted to do was retreat to the comfort of your apartment. You began to type a polite decline to her, as you made your way out of class. Coincidentally, the male you were currently caught up in a scandal with, approached you. 

“Hey, can we talk for a second?” He spoke in a hushed tone.

You mentally groaned at the icy reception students gave when they saw the two of you in the same place. Although you were pretty sure you were the one they were rolling their eyes at. Renjun shot a condescending glare at anyone who looked for too long.

After moving outside, Renjun let out a heavy sigh. “I’m really sorry about this, (Y/n). It’s unbelievable that someone would take photos of us like that.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” You replied with a faint smile. “Remember the threats I received when Donghyuck and I first started dating? I should be used to this by now.”

Your boyfriend’s roommate glanced at you with a mixture of concern and frustration in his eyes. “But that doesn’t make it right. Especially when it comes to invading your privacy and spreading rumors,” He deadpanned. 

You didn't anticipate Renjun being just as furious as Donghyuck about the situation. It warmed your heart to know that you had people in your life who cared deeply for you and were ready to stand up for you. It made you wish you could be as strong-minded as them.

Just as you were about to respond, your conversation was abruptly cut short. 

"There you are, Kang (Y/n). I've been looking for you!" You turned towards Ahryun, who was swiftly making her way down the hallway towards you and Renjun.

“Oh sorry. I was just about to answer your text,” You said sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. 

A look of understanding flashed in her eyes before she noticed Renjun standing beside you. She warily gestured between the two of you with her finger. “Won’t it be suspicious if people see you together right now? Unless you guys are actually…”

“No, it’s not like that,” You stopped her from finishing her sentence, your brows furrowing in puzzlement. Did she seriously believe that you and Renjun would go behind Donghyuck’s back like that?

Renjun promptly came to your defense. “Yeah, I was just checking if (Y/n) was alright.”

The slightest trace of irritation could be heard in his voice as if he felt no need to provide Ahryun with an explanation when nothing was going on.

In response, Ahryun chuckled and playfully tapped you on the arm. "Wow, you two got so serious all of a sudden. I was just teasing," she said with a lighthearted tone.

You breathed a small sigh of relief, silently reprimanding yourself for entertaining the thought that your closest friend would think so low of you. 

 “I was thinking we should go see a movie today,” She said, linking her arm through yours. 

To which you responded with a hesitant expression, contemplating the idea. “I don’t know…I kind of just want to go home.”

“Oh come on, going out on a day like this will help take your mind off things,” Ahryun persisted. “You can join us if you’d like Renjun-ssi.”

Renjun declined with a polite smile, “Thanks, but I’m supposed to meet up with my group for a project this evening. You guys have fun though.”

You nodded understandingly, giving a friendly wave to Renjun before Ahryun took the lead, guiding you away.

▃▃▃

You zoned out during the movie, barely noticing when it reached its conclusion. Your mind seemed elsewhere, and you were only vaguely aware of the film coming to an end. Ahryun went to get a refill on her drink, while you waited for her near the entrance doors.

“(Y/n)?” A voice called out, capturing your attention. As you turned, your gaze fell upon a boy wearing a black hoodie adorned with a charming cat design. He was holding a half eaten bucket of popcorn.

“Oh hi, Jeno. What are you doing here?”

Jeno approached you with a friendly smile in return. “Jaemin dragged me here to watch this action movie with him. How about you?”

“I came here with Ahryun,” You replied. Jeno nodded in acknowledgment.

“How are you and Donghyuck?” He asked. “I heard you two recently celebrated your 200-day anniversary.”

You couldn't help but blush at the mention of such a seemingly trivial milestone. “It’s not that big of a deal,” You said, lowering your gaze.

“Well, I’d say reaching day 200 with Lee Donghyuck is quite an achievement. His relationships in high school barely made it past 20 days,” Jeno teasingly remarked, earning a laugh from you.

Jeno laughed along with you before adding, “But seriously, Donghyuck is lucky to have you. You guys have something special.” 

His words carried a genuine warmth, which you appreciated. It surprised you every time when one of Donghyuck’s friends showed genuine acceptance toward you. They had been so quick to welcome you into their friend group when you two first started dating.

“Thanks, Jeno,” you said, hoping he could feel the sincerity in your words. 

Why should you care about the opinions of others when you had all the encouragement you needed? The unwavering support from Donghyuck's friends and the strength of your bond with him made any external judgments or remarks seem insignificant.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter five ~

"Okay, you have got to be kidding me," you groaned in frustration as you glanced at your phone. 

The sight that greeted you was a series of pictures of you and Jeno from the other day, and now the online community site was blowing up with speculation. The comments were even worse than the last time. Before you could go down a rabbit hole of scrolling, Donghyuck swiftly snatched your phone out of your grasp.

“Hyuck,” you softly protested, extending your hand to retrieve your phone back. But he pulled his arm back, keeping the device out of reach.

“Nope.” He shook his head. “I’m confiscating this for today.”

“But–”

Donghyuck placed a quick peck on your lips before you could finish that sentence. “You shouldn’t care about what they think, babe.”

He glanced back at the article with an annoyed sigh. He didn’t understand why people were going after you. Couldn’t they just leave your relationship alone?

“Are you alright, though?” He asked, placing a hand over yours.

You nodded, “Of course I am.”

Of course, you were lying. The recent posts and the increased gossip bothered you more than they should. A part of you blamed yourself for all this happening. But you couldn’t tell Donghyuck that. Worrying him wasn’t going to make things better.

“Well if you are struggling, you can tell me okay?” He gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

For some reason, you sensed a subtle undercurrent of concern in his words. But you brushed it off as your tendency to overthink things, convincing yourself it was nothing.

Later that day, you were hanging out at Ahryun’s apartment. You lay flat on the floor in her bedroom, staring up at the ceiling while countless thoughts swam in your head. 

“I just don’t understand why this keeps happening,” you sighed, venting your frustrations. “It’s like no matter where I go, someone is watching.”

Ahryun cast a glance back at you through her vanity mirror. "Someone must really not want you two together.”

“You think?” You frowned. 

A lot of people didn’t like you being with Donghyuck. But whoever kept posting photos of you on the community site was clearly targeting you, leaving you apprehensive about the situation.

“Well I’m sure there are plenty of girls who find it difficult to accept you and Donghyuck being together,” Ahryun spoke nonchalantly, as she picked out a pink lip tint to wear. “They just can’t stand the fact that the popular and charming Lee Donghyuck is with someone so different.”

You pondered whether you truly were that different as Ahryun said. Sure, you might not come from a privileged background or possess the most striking physical appearance. You were ordinary, just like everyone else. What was so wrong about that?

“But seriously, you shouldn’t let it bother you (Y/n). There will always be people who will hate on you,” Ahryun said.

“Yeah you’re right…”

She did have a valid point. As long as you remained a college student navigating a judgmental society, criticism would inevitably be a part of your experience. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to get you anywhere.

Letting out a sigh, you sat up and directed your gaze towards the clock on Ahryun's nightstand, realizing the time.

"Hey, can I borrow your phone for a moment?" you asked, breaking the silence. "I should message Donghyuck to let him know I'm here."

"Of course," Ahryun smiled warmly, extending her hand to pass you the device.

Mouthing a quick thank-you, you received Ahryun's phone and swiftly began searching for your boyfriend's contact information. Just as you located his number, a notification popped up, drawing your attention. Your curiosity piqued, you briefly glanced at the preview, which read: "Someone commented on your post, 'Kang (Y/n) Seen Out with Lee Jeno at the Movies'." Having a weird feeling, you clicked on the notification, leading you to the UniYeon app. Scrolling up, your disbelief grew as you discovered that Ahryun…was the owner of the post

Overwhelmed, you decided to investigate further and opened her photo gallery. To your astonishment, you discovered numerous pictures of you and Renjun, followed by images of you and Jeno. 

No, you couldn’t fathom this. Ahryun was your closest friend. She was someone you trusted wholeheartedly. She would never…

"Ahryun... what is all this?" you asked, confusion evident in your voice. A part of you desperately hoped that none of this could be true.

Ahryun spun around in her chair and met the look of betrayal in your eyes. She cursed when she saw you had the post open on her phone.

"(Y/n), I can explain—," she began. 

You stepped back, unable to fully comprehend the situation. "Wait, so it was you all along? Why…" 

Ahryun turned away, averting her gaze for a moment. Amid the tense silence, you caught the faint sound of a laugh slipping out from her lips.

“You know, you’re really pathetic Kang (Y/n),” She sneered, her words cutting through the air with a sharp edge. “Yes, it was me.”

You were startled by the sudden change in your best friend’s demeanor. “Why would you do that? The whole school is talking crap about me because of those posts.”

Ahryun fixed her gaze upon you, her expression lacked any remorse. There was an unsettling absence of any regret in her eyes, almost as if she were relieved to be exposed in this way. It was as if she had been waiting for the moment to discard the pretense of caring about you.

“Because I’ve liked Donghyuck long before you did,” she confessed. “I got tired of seeing you with him.”

Her resentful words revealed the depth of her hidden emotions. Your heart sank further, as you processed things. The revelation hit you like a tidal wave, making sense of Ahryun’s actions. 

“So you wanted to sabotage me?” You shook your head in disbelief. “Why…we’ve been friends for so long.”

A smirk tugged at the corners of Ahryun's lips, her eyes gleaming with a hint of cruel satisfaction as she observed the wavering in your voice. Witnessing you in such a vulnerable state, after so long, seemed to gratify her.

“No matter how many times I thought about it, I just don’t get why he had to be with you, of all girls,” she said bitterly. 

You took a deep breath, trying to process the magnitude of Ahryun’s actions. Seeing this new side of her left you questioning the authenticity of your friendship. Doubt crept in, as you considered the possibility that she had been pretending to be your friend this whole time.

“So you thought going behind my back and spreading false information about me would make us break up?”

"We both know how fragile you can be," Ahryun said slowly, her words carrying a calculated edge. "Like you were in high school."

The implication of her statement cut deep, resurrecting memories of past vulnerabilities. It felt as if she was exploiting your past struggles to justify her actions, further fueling the hurt and confusion that consumed you.

Before you could counter her words, Ahryun forcefully took hold of your arm. You gasped when she yanked your sleeves up, exposing the scars that held too many painful memories.

“Just remember that if he sees these hideous scars,” She threatened. “And when he does, he’ll see how broken you are. Nobody wants someone who is mentally unstable.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, as you’ve never felt more defenseless. She was using your past struggles as a weapon to tear you apart. Then to further sting to her words, she placed her hand on your shoulder as a twisted display of false comfort.

“If you can’t handle the facts, maybe you guys shouldn’t be together,” She said.

You stood up, gripping your bag tightly, and met her icy glare.

“Donghyuck isn't who you think he is,” you managed to say, your voice quivering. “He loves me, and nothing you say or do will ever change that.”

With a heavy heart, you turned away, a rush of long-forgotten emotions flooding through you. You didn’t bother to stop the tears from falling as you walked away. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you could already sense yourself slipping back into the depths of a dark place you hadn't visited since your teenage years.

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~ chapter six ~

A week had passed since your fallout with Ahryun, and you were doing your best to not let things get to you. But it was hard not to. You spent sleepless nights thinking about how things went wrong, and the subtle indications you failed to notice. Like her evident intrigue whenever you spoke about him, or the way her eyes lit up whenever his name was mentioned. 

Nevertheless, you buried yourself in your schoolwork in hopes to tune out everything that was happening. Donghyuck noticed you seemed more withdrawn lately. You could see the concern in him growing, but you insisted that everything was fine.

One day you were on your way to meet Donghyuck after his class and stopped in the cafeteria to buy drinks for the both of you. You were inserting a dollar bill into the vending machine when a group of girls approached you unexpectedly. Their focused glares at you were filled with disdain and judgment.

“Look at that, it’s Kang (Y/n) the cheater.” one of the girls said, her voice dripping with hostility. “First it was Huang Renjun, and then Lee Jeno. Who’s next, Na Jaemin?”

You shrank back slightly, clenching your fists as you fought to maintain your composure. Despite them being three harmless girls, any sort of conflict easily intimidated you. Your heart raced, and a surge of anxiety threatened to overwhelm you, but you were determined to stand your ground.

 “Please, you don’t know anything,” you said, your voice firm and steady. “So stay out of it.”

“You see, no one believes that quiet nice girl facade you try to uphold,” the girl beside the first one, scowled. “If you’re smart, you’d break up with him. I’m sure you’re aware that you don’t deserve him.”

You tried to not show them how their words pierced through you like a needle. The hate comments were bad enough. But being confronted in person made the situation ten times scarier.

Determined to not succumb to their empty threats, you grabbed the beverages from the vending machine and made the move to leave. But before you could escape their presence, the third girl twisted the cap off her soda bottle and spilled it on you. In mere seconds your clothes were drenched in the sticky liquid.

“Oops, my bad,” she laughed mockingly. 

A wave of humiliation crashed over you, as you felt the weight of the stares and the whispers echoing through the cafeteria. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted Ahryun standing from a distance, watching in amusement. Was this all some twisted joke to her?

Back in high school, she was the only one who defended you. Now knowing her support and loyalty had been fake, made the sight of her standing idly by more painful.

Just as you were ready to break down, a voice yelled from behind you.

“Yah, what the hell do you think you’re doing to her?”

Turning your gaze, you saw Donghyuck storming into the cafeteria. His eyes were blazing with anger. 

“Hyuck—” You tried to stop him before he could make the situation worse. But he was too angry to listen.

“You think it’s acceptable to gang up on someone based on false information?” His eyes glowered intensely. “You have no right to harass her or make judgments without knowing the whole truth.”

The cafeteria fell into an uneasy silence, the whispers fading into the background as his words reverberated through the space. The girls who had targeted you were momentarily taken aback by Donghyuck's unyielding defense, their expressions shifting from arrogance to uncertainty.

Deciding he had enough of this, Donghyuck firmly grasped your hand and guided you away from the prying eyes and tense atmosphere. He let out a sigh of concern as his gaze fell upon the stained fabric of your shirt, prompting him to remove his hoodie and put it on you.

“I’m so sorry (Y/n),” he mumbled, even though he wasn’t the one who should be apologizing. “Are you okay?”

You shook your head. “I’m fine, Hyuck. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure though?” he asked, extending his hand towards you.

But you took a step back, feeling frustrated. “Yes, I already told you. I’m fine.”

“(Y/n)—”

“I just… I just want to be alone right now, okay?” You placed the drink you bought in his hands and walked past him.

Later that night, you found yourself once again unable to fall asleep. It felt like the troublesome thoughts in your head were slowly killing you, weighing heavily on your conscience. The weight of self-blame consumed you, as you couldn't help but think that all of this was your fault. It’s been so long since you felt this way, completely worthless. You didn’t deserve to have someone as sweet as Donghyuck in your life. 

Without thinking much, you sluggishly sat down in your desk chair and absentmindedly opened the drawer. Inside lay an old friend you hadn't laid eyes on in ages. Ignoring the creeping sense of dread, you lifted the gleaming box cutter from the drawer.

Holding your breath, you tightly gripped the handle and pulled up your sleeve. You barely felt it when the cold blade punctured your flesh, tracing a diagonal line across your pale skin. Tears streamed down your cheek as you repeated the same incisions, mirroring the first one. The sensation of hot blood seeping out became palpable with each new cut.

You honestly didn't know how you would react if Donghyuck were to witness you in this state. The fear of him discovering the depth of your brokenness was more terrifying than the fresh scars that adorned your skin. Perhaps Ahryun was right, maybe you couldn’t handle this.

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~ chapter seven ~

You kept your gaze locked on the steaming cup of hot chocolate, anxiously waiting for the arrival of your boyfriend. He rushed into the café with an apologetic smile, as he sat down in the empty chair across from you.

“Sorry, I’m late. Renjun needed my help with something,” he said.

In response, you slid the other drink in his direction with an understanding smile. “I got your usual.”

"You are the best," he praised, lifting the cup of coffee to his lips for a sip.

You listened quietly as he shared about how busy he’s been lately with school and his internship. However, the gnawing sensation in your stomach kept you from fully focusing on the conversation.

“Oh, right!” Donghyuck’s eyes lit up as if a light bulb suddenly went off in his brain. “Your birthday is coming up, babe. What do you want to do?”

It was at that moment, you recognized the pressing need to speak up before your courage slipped away.

“Donghyuck…there’s something I have to say,” you spoke cautiously. 

The confusion in his eyes, when you used his full name, was almost unbearable for you to see. But he waited expectantly to hear whatever you were about to say. The fact that he was oblivious to the reason you asked him to meet you here made you feel nauseated. You were aware that you couldn't continue to tiptoe around the issue for much longer.

Taking a deep breath, you locked eyes with him once more. Without allowing any room for hesitation, you uttered the next three words with unwavering determination.

"Let’s break up.”

You witnessed his face falter, a stunned look settling in as he struggled to comprehend the gravity of the situation.

“(Y/n)...what are you saying?” he chuckled half-heartedly. “You’re not being serious, right?”

Biting down on your lip, you used the explanation you had carefully prepared. “I realized that I can’t do this whole campus couple thing anymore. It feels suffocating, like every moment we spend together, people are watching and waiting to criticize me for something."

“I…I had no idea you felt that way,” Donghyuck swallowed, his voice tinged with surprise at your confession. “But (Y/n), we can work through this. I promise—”

“No, we can’t,” you deadpanned. “You should find someone better than me.”

You’ve never despised yourself more than you did in this moment. The hurt in his eyes reflected your own, a stark reminder that you were the source of his new pain.

In dismay, Donghyuck reached for your hand in desperation. “(Y/n) please, don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve already made up my mind,” your voice trembled with a mix of despondence and resignation.

Slowly you reached behind your neck and unclasped the necklace he gave you a while ago. Holding back tears, you delicately placed the shimmering moon pendant in his hand. Returning this symbol of your connection was far more heart-wrenching than you had anticipated.

The weight of the decision pressing on your shoulders, you gathered your belongings and rose from your seat, your determination masking the cracks in your resolve. The distant echoes of his anguished voice calling after you tugged at your heart, but you ignored them. With quickened steps, you hastened out of the café, your eyes fixed on the path ahead, knowing that if you allowed yourself even a moment of hesitation, you’d give into your selfish emotions.

You never cried so hard in your life as you did that evening when you returned to your apartment. You had just pushed away the one person who had brought so much joy into your once gloomy life. But as long as your mind continued to waver, you understood the importance of keeping everyone at a distance was safer.

Even though it meant bringing an end to a love that was incredibly precious to you, deep down, you told yourself that things were better this way.

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~ chapter eight ~

The next month following your breakup, felt like a self-imposed prison sentence. As the days blurred together, you had become a shadow of your former self. With the absence of your best friend and boyfriend, you found solace in isolation, confining yourself to the four walls of your apartment. It felt as if you were bound to your living space, only leaving to attend classes or go to your part-time job at the library.

The mere thought of encountering Donghyuck outside filled you with an overwhelming sense of unease, making it unbearable to step foot beyond the safety of your apartment. The idea of facing him, of seeing the pain reflected in his eyes or the awkwardness that would surely follow, was something you couldn't bring yourself to confront.

With your mental state continuing to deteriorate, you found yourself falling back into old habits. The blade in your drawer became the sinister companion you turned to when the emotional pain became too much. At some point, you stopped feeling anything as you wiped the crimson trails that traced down your arm.

Despite the tireless efforts of several friends, their attempts to reach out to you were met with distant silence and evasive responses. Renjun had repeatedly urged you to call him if you wanted to talk, while Jeno and Jaemin tried their best to cheer you up. However, their kind gestures only served to make your heartache worse. You knew that they were deeply concerned for both you and Donghyuck. 

Secretly, you harbored the hope that the breakup wasn’t affecting Donghyuck just as deeply as it was for you. In a bittersweet twist, now that he was no longer tied to you, all you wanted was for him to move on swiftly and find happiness without you.

On a Friday night, Jaemin had made his way to your apartment. He sat with you on the couch, saddened by your withdrawn state. The toll of your emotional turmoil was evident in your appearance. 

You had forsaken the delicate hues of your wardrobe, the creamy whites and light blues that once adorned your form, for a monochrome palette of darkness. Your complexion had lost its natural radiance, leaving your skin pale and lacking its usual vitality. Dark circles had etched their mark under your weary eyes, evidence of the sleepless nights and internal struggles you had endured.

“Come with me to the spring festival,” Jaemin suggested. “It’s your favorite event of the school year.”

You looked up at him with a weak smile, your eyes reflecting a mix of gratitude and despair. Subconsciously, you tugged down on the ends of your sleeves, afraid your scars might show. 

“I’m sorry Jaemin. But I really can’t...right now,” you mumbled. “It wouldn’t be right for me to go out and have fun.”

Jaemin’s expression filled with genuine concern, as he reached to put his hand on your shoulder. “Don’t say that (Y/n),” he said softly, his voice laced with empathy. “I understand that you’re having just as much of a hard time as Donghyuck is right now. But shutting yourself out from the rest of the world isn’t healthy. You know he wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

The mention of his name was enough to cause your lip to quiver. You raised a trembling hand to press against your watery eyes. 

Shaking your head, you lamented, “No, I don’t deserve your kindness or anyone else’s. I’m a terrible person. You don’t even know, Jaemin.”

It hurt Jaemin to see his friend so distraught. While he had a faint understanding of your tendency to self-criticize, he didn’t think you’d be this harsh on yourself. He had a hunch that you didn't truly desire to end things with Donghyuck.

You cried into Jaemin’s shoulder a bit, feeling oddly better after letting out some of your emotions. Once you calmed down, Jaemin tried to convince you again about the spring festival.

“Come on, it’ll be good for you to step outside for a bit,” He insisted. “You don’t even have to stay that long. If you’re not feeling it, I’ll bring you back here.”

Just the thought of stepping into a crowd after the recent events sent a shiver down your spine. But Jaemin’s unwavering support and effort to help you reclaim some sort of normalcy, made you feel guilty. Deep down, you knew you couldn’t keep hiding forever. Maybe, just maybe, you could go out this once for a little distraction.

With a hesitant nod, you gathered the strength to pull yourself off the couch. “Okay, Jaemin. I’ll try, but no promises.”

Jaemin jumped up with excitement, his face lighting up as he urged you to the door. Once you arrived at the festival, you were greeted by the enchanting glow of the hung-up lanterns and spring-themed music playing in the background. The sight of cherry blossom petals dancing in the air reminded you of why you liked the festival so much in the first place.

“Kang (Y/n), you made it!” Renjun waved to you from one of the booths. Jeno stood beside him and gave you a kind smile.

Seeing familiar faces reignited a small flicker of joy you haven’t experienced in a while. Gradually, you allowed yourself to be swept away by the night. You let the guys guide you through the vibrant booths, adorned by colorful decorations. The air was filled with the aroma of sizzling fishcakes and the subtle fragrance of peach-flavored soju. You made a conscious effort to ignore the icy stares that people directed toward you.

Amidst the bustle of the festivities, your eyes caught a glimpse of a certain two people seated on one of the benches. Donghyuck appeared to be slightly drunk, and Ahryun was sitting right beside him. Ignoring any feelings of unease, you discreetly walked closer to where they were. 

“I miss her so much. Nothing feels the same anymore without her,” Donghyuck blubbered. “I should’ve been there for her more and realized she was hurting.”

Ahryun reached out to tenderly hold his hand. “It’s not your fault, Donghyuck. (Y/n) made her own choices, and you shouldn’t be miserable because of her.”

She paused before gathering the courage to continue. “You know, I’ve liked you for some time now Donghyuck-ah.”

The boy’s expression shifted, caught off guard by Ahryun’s abrupt confession. He might be a little intoxicated, but his senses were still intact.

“I know how it sounds. But I liked you long before (Y/n) did,” Ahryun persisted. “And since you guys broke up I thought…”

“So what, you thought you could step in and replace (Y/n)? Is that it?” He started to question her intentions.

Ahryun’s eyes cried out with desperation. “I…I could be better for you than she was, Donghyuck. (Y/n) was just weak, unable to handle the challenges of being in a relationship.”

Donghyuck's eyes hardened, his protective instincts kicking in. "Aren't you her friend?" he asked. "Why are you talking about her like that?"

Ahryun's desperation heightened as she felt her chance slipping away. Ignoring his question, she leaned in closer, her voice now a seductive whisper. With a determined grip on his jacket collar, she tried to pull him closer to her.

"Donghyuck, if you just let me," Ahryun murmured, her voice filled with an unsettling mixture of desire and urgency.

That was when you reached your breaking point. The sight of Donghyuck and Ahryun, coupled with the flood of conflicting emotions inside you, became too overwhelming to bear. Slowly, you began to backtrack, stepping away from the scene that brought you so much pain. Each step felt heavier than the last as if the weight of your emotions was pulling you down. You turned in the opposite direction, determined to leave it all behind.

Just as you left the scene, Ahryun leaned closer to kiss Donghyuck. You missed seeing him push her away in outrage. He quickly stood up from the bench, his face contorted with anger and disappointment.

"Are you kidding me right now?" he exclaimed, his voice filled with disbelief. He locked his gaze with Ahryun, his eyes burning with a mix of frustration and disgust.

"Kang (Y/n) is the person for me," he declared firmly. "Not you or anyone else."

He left Ahryun feeling torn, with not even the slightest bit of sympathy. However, his path was interrupted when he spotted Jaemin standing nearby, his face filled with panic.

"Hold on, Hyuck," Jaemin spoke urgently, his voice quivering. "You need to know that (Y/n) saw Ahryun try to kiss you. She... she didn't look too good.”

Donghyuck took a step back, his heart sinking, and let out a frustrated curse. As if his night couldn't get any worse. "Where did she go?" he asked Jaemin, his voice tinged with worry. 

As soon as Jaemin pointed him in the right direction, Donghyuck swiftly turned and hurried in the path you had taken. His heart raced as he desperately tried to catch up to you.

"(Y/n), wait!" he called after you.

Your body tensed at the sound of his voice and you froze in your tracks. The last thing you wanted was to see him right now. But Donghyuck wasn’t going to let you slip away so easily.

He approached you, his breath coming out in labored gasps. “Please, can we just talk?”

The pleading tone in his voice was what caused you to give in. Cautiously, you turned around to face him.

“What is it?” You were almost afraid to ask.

“Did you…did you know that Ahryun liked me?” He asked in disbelief. “Is that why you broke up with me?”

You looked at him, feeling lost and unsure of how to respond. Donghyuck sighed, closing the distance between you, his eyes filled with sincerity.

"(Y/n), I would have never gone to her. I never had any intentions of moving on or being with anyone else," he said earnestly. “You know that, right?”

There was a part of you that felt a glimmer of gratitude, knowing that Donghyuck still held feelings for you. It puzzled you how he could be so sweet, especially when you were the one who hurt him.

Feeling overwhelmed by your own guilt, you took a step back, distancing yourself from Donghyuck. Your voice trembled with a mixture of emotions as you spoke.

"Why are you being so kind to me? You should hate me.”

His eyes glistened with tears. “I could never hate you, Kang (Y/n). Please don’t think you’re unworthy of kindness or love.”

You felt a surge of frustration welling up inside you, pushing back against his words.

“No, I’m not,” You snapped. 

Whatever had transpired between him and Ahryun didn’t matter. Despite Donghyuck’s reassurances, you still clung to the belief that you were damaged and broken. If he knew about your past, if he saw the scars beneath your sweater, he would never be able to love you.

Mumbling a quiet apology, you pushed past him, your mind clouded with self-doubt and regret. The weight of the evening bore down on your shoulders, and you couldn't help but blame yourself for stepping out into the world once again. Going to the festival now felt like a mistake, amplifying your insecurities and highlighting your perceived inadequacies.

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~ chapter nine ~ 

Ahryun seethed with anger and resentment as she refused to accept Donghyuck's rejection. In her mind, she saw you as the sole obstacle standing between her and the possibility of being with him. The rejection fueled her bitterness and the desire for revenge brewed within her. All she yearned for was to witness you suffer once more, to see you hurt as deeply as she believed she had been hurt. It was time for people to see you for who you truly were.

The morning sunlight painted a gentle glow across the campus as you arrived for your poetry class the day after the festival. However, as you walked by, you noticed a peculiar shift in the way people looked at you as they passed by. Whispers filled the air, and bewildered gazes followed your every step. You wondered if Ahryun posted another rumor about you again. Had she secretly captured photos of you and Jaemin this time?

Feeling paranoid, you paused to take out your phone and quickly navigated the UniYeon site. As the page loaded, the color drained from your face when you were greeted by the headline post. 

“‘Kang (Y/n)’s Horrific Past Exposed,’” someone read aloud as they scrolled through the article on her phone. The person walking with them peered over the person’s shoulder to get a better look. 

“Wah, did she actually try to kill herself?”

No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. With trembling fingers, you clicked on the post, your heart pounding. As you scanned the text, it mercilessly revealed all the painful details about your past suicide attempt in high school. The weight of each word intensified your feelings of shame and vulnerability. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, there it was—the video capturing the haunting moment you ran into traffic, displayed at the bottom of the article.

You felt like you were reliving your trauma in high school, all over again. The piercing stares from those around you felt like a repeat performance, a mix of pity and judgment intertwined. There was only one other person in this university who knew about this incident. Min Ahryun.

Now the whole university was aware of what kind of person you were. Which meant that he knew too. Suddenly, the thought of attending your poetry class faded into the background. Overwhelmed with panic, your feet instinctively moved in reverse, and urged you to retreat.

▃▃▃

The second Donghyuck saw the UniYeon post, he abandoned everything else and set out to look for you. He sprinted to the location of your class, only to discover that you weren’t there. Panic consumed him as he realized that you must have left the campus.

Reading the post was emotionally excruciating for him. He couldn't fathom the depths of your anxiety and the overwhelming pain you must have experienced during that dark period. This had to be what you were trying to tell him that one night after you had cut your hand. He was angry with himself, thinking about how you have been suffering alone in silence this whole time.

“(Y/n)!” He pressed the doorbell, once he got to your apartment unit. When you didn’t come to the door, Donghyuck punched in the passcode to your door and let himself in.

You weren’t in the living room or the kitchen. So he darted over to your bedroom and was met with a closed door. He banged on it anxiously, calling out your name.

“Please, (Y/n),” He pleaded desperately. “Let me in.”

The sound of his voice barely registered, as you tried to collect yourself. It felt like all your fears were coming true. You just wanted all of it to go away.

Somehow, Donghyuck managed to break open the lock on your door forcefully and rushed into the room. The sight of you slumped on the floor, tears staining your cheeks, shattered him inside.

Donghyuck approached you carefully, kneeling before you. “(Y/n)...”

“You saw it, didn’t you?” 

He nodded silently in response and tried to take your hand. But when you flinched in response to his touch, a look of suspicion crossed his face. His eyes searched yours, trying to understand the reason behind your reaction.

That’s when he glanced down and noticed the splotch of blood on your hand. His worry deepened, as he started to wonder about the desperate measures you had taken to deal with your pain.

Without saying anything, he reached again for your arm. You didn’t say anything this time and looked away when you felt your sleeve being rolled up. A deep sense of shame crawled up your throat as more tears blurred your vision.

Donghyuck couldn’t control the tears that cascaded down his cheeks when he saw your arm covered in angry red marks.

“(Y/n), why…?”

“I’m sorry,” you wept brokenly, “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

In the next moments, Donghyuck pulled you into his lap, engulfing you in a tight embrace. Your fingers instinctively gripped onto his shirt as sobs escaped your lips. He never felt so powerless, hearing your heart-breaking cries and feeling your body tremble against his. Tears streamed endlessly as he held you close, silently sharing your anguish. All he could do was cry with you.

“I’m so sorry,” the boy fretted. “I didn’t know you were in this much pain. I wish I had known, (Y/n). I wish I could have been there for you when you needed someone the most.”

“There were so many times I wanted to open up to you,” you managed to utter through your messy tears. “But I was so afraid of losing you, Hyuck. I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”

Donghyuck, in response, leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. He stroked your hair softly. 

"Oh (Y/n), you could never be a burden to me," he murmured, his voice filled with tenderness. His eyes glistened with tears as he looked at you, his heart breaking for the pain you had endured alone. "How could you ever think that? You mean the world to me.”

You wrapped your arms around him tightly. Your voice was muffled as you spoke into his hoodie. “I’m sorry, Donghyuck. I’m sorry for pushing you away and not letting you in.”

"It's okay," he cooed soothingly, his voice filled with compassion. He continued to rub gentle circles across your back, offering comfort and reassurance. "It's okay, babe. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere.”

Once the both of you calmed down a bit, Donghyuck retrieved some medical supplies from your bathroom. You were surprised to learn how skilled he was at cleaning and bandaging wounds. 

After he finished up, the two of you found solace in each other’s arms, spending the rest of the day in bed. Donghyuck listened attentively as you finally confessed everything that had been weighing on your heart. You didn’t detect even the slightest hint of repulsion from him. Witnessing how empathetic he was with you, allowed you to see that Donghyuck’s feelings for you were sincere. 

The stormy gray clouds of despair gradually disperse, allowing rays of warmth and hope to seep into your heart. Your former friend had tried to tear you apart again. Everyone at the university knew your secret. Mentally, you were weaker than ever. But with Donghyuck by your side, you felt like everything was going to be okay.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ epilogue ~

In the coming days, Donghyuck and you walked hand in hand across campus. You chose to ignore the curious looks and hushed voices of speculations. The strength of your bond radiated in your intertwined fingers, symbolizing a resilient unity that could not be shaken by mere judgment.

“I just thought you should know,” Donghyuck said, glancing over at you fondly. “You look beautiful today.”

His flirtations still made you blush profusely, your cheeks tinged with a rosy hue as you subconsciously reached to hold the delicate crescent moon pendant around your neck. The necklace served as a reminder of the love and tenderness you found in each other’s presence.

Deciding you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making you flustered, you playfully stopped walking and pulled the boy closer, surprising him with a swift yet passionate kiss. His lips met yours eagerly, his handing finding its place on your waist as the intimacy of the moment deepened. In that fleeting embrace, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the warmth of your connection and the electric chemistry that sparked between you.

"I love you, Lee Donghyuck," you said confidently, your eyes filled with sincerity and affection, after pulling away from the kiss. Hearing you say those words first was rare, and it took him by surprise.

His gaze softened as he pressed his forehead against yours. "I love you too, (Y/n). More than you'll ever know."

The two of you might have faced some challenging obstacles. And you knew that life would continue to present its share of difficulties. However, you were certain now that the bond you had with Donghyuck was very much real and unbreakable. Knowing you were stronger together, you believed you could overcome anything.

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

[speedofsoundsketches]

I noticed that you have made it clear that you are not one for the first Sonic the Hedgehog film. And I must make it clear that I respect your opinion on it; it is not for everyone, even all Sonic fans.

However, I get a feeling that you are antipathetic to the future installment(s)- you mentioned some time ago you have not seen the second film. But even if you were underwhelmed by the first film, do you believe that they cannot improve?

in the wake of the trailers of the Super Mario Bros movie, I have seen things like "I used to like the Sonic movies, but since the *trailers!* of the Mario movie came out, the Sonic movies suck now!". Do you believe that is really a "correct" way of thinking? Like, regardless of what one thinks of the movies, should people just dismiss all the hard work that people like Fowler and Tyson Hesse put into the films just because they aren't animated like the Mario movie? Or that they don't use much of the game music, like the Mario movie? is this truly shaping up to be a "1:1 or nothing" thing, leaving no room for deviation?

I ask this because I feel that rational StH fans are as rare as hens teeth, especially these days; consider yourself a hens tooth

The biggest issue I have with these movies is the foundation it laid for itself.

Cue TL;DR rant mode

Let's be absolutely frank and honest with ourselves. The first movie was only saved purely because the controversy of Sonic's design led to him being revamped entirely and Eggman's portrayal was solid. That's really it. I'm not against human characters showing up at all, on the contrary. But this set up is "Take the most superficially basic concept of Sonic then make a bunch of convoluted revisions to the lore of the original series to justify isekai-ing him into San Francisco so we can save money on animated scenes". Like, it's the same problem most children's media being adapted into "live action" suffers from. It's a cheap, lazy adaptation that broke absolutely zero ground and I've held this opinion of it literally since the day it was first revealed and announced with those leaked posters of Chris Pratt and Sonic's initial design.

And just because it didn't end up being as "bad" as it first looked and they brought on actual, talented fans of the series onto the creative team, doesn't suddenly detract from this most basic, fundamental problem. Sonic's movies suffer from what happens when you let Hollywood just go to town on your IP and barely give it proper boundaries to stay in.

Even if they manage to get SOME things right like, Knuckles actually being cool again and the Giant Robot fight at the end of the second film, the reality is they'll still be tied down by the flimsy foundation they started on, like dragging on a wedding scene or putting waaaay more focus and attention on the human characters than the.....main characters we came to watch???

Now compare that with the Mario movie. From the start, Nintendo I understand had a MUCH bigger involvement on the production. It's not like the lame adaptation I mentioned above. They went full on "Angry Birds" level of staying on brand. The entire world feels like the natural, fleshed out idea of "How do we make this feel as warm, inviting, and fantastical as the games but still make it work as a movie?" It's actually BRILLIANT just from first impressions.

I'm sure it's going to suffer from other typical kids movie problems like "Peach's a STRONG WOMAN NOW because she wears PANTS and DON'T NEED NO RESCUER", dumb movie writing or Mario, Luigi and Peach's flat voice acting. But you cannot look at that movie, how it just unabashedly looks, feels and is completely imprinted in Mario and say that Sonic had anywhere NEAR the same level of enthusiastic production on it. I mean, even the cute commercial of their plumbing business in New York is entirely animated and ALSO feels like it fits. They went to the absolute nines with making this feel like a WAY better adaptation in spirit, story and visuals.

Of course I appreciate the hard work the team put into saving the Sonic films from becoming absolute jokes but WHY did it even have to be so compromised in the first place when Mario shows up looking EXACTLY like how I've dreamed Sonic's movies would've been treated?

I'm not wooed over by the small glimpses of Sonic's world or the tiny references they managed to squeeze in there. I'd appreciate those way more if it were ACTUALLY set in it. And I cannot stand this prevailing narrative that "Sonic's world is separate from Earth" in most of these adaptations because it's not! It IS Earth! He's always lived in the same planet as humans, their animal kind is just reclusive and live on islands. That's the actual lore of the games!

This movie made the mistake of doing what Sonic X did. They think it'd be "too weird" for someone like Sonic to have been from Earth as if the intense popularity of it in the first place isn't enough to show how wrong that is? No kid questioned Sonic showing up in City Escape around humans any more than dinosaurs or other crazy entities existing in Dragonball's version of Earth. It's still Earth, just fantastical.

Mario works with that because him iseaki-ing into Mushroom Kingdom is that original lore of the games too I believe. But in Sonic's case it's not and it's so JARRING because they think Sonic himself can't carry a story as the main character. No, kids need a human or avatar to help them navigate the weird, unexplained parts of the series. I'd rather they'd just do that with Sonic himself without needing to be forcibly tied to a regular human. (I'm so annoyed that he couldn't have just run to San Francisco if he wanted because he "needed directions". What a pitiful excuse. And these movies are FULL of them like that.)

Hollywood is a joke and they cannot for the life of them, understand how to effectively adapt most Japanese properties by themselves. Especially anything even remotely inspired by anime like Sonic.

I know this might make me look like "the most offended Sonic fan in the world" right now but in all honesty, I don't really think about those movies much. They function as effective promotional materials for the games and kids like them so whatever. Like, it's just one big Shrug really.

*sigh*

[nicosraf]

Would u ever consider getting ABM translated into other medias? Like a live action television, visual comic, or animated series?

Hello! I answered something like this ahhhh back in January, I think! I don't remember my exact answers, but I remember mentioning that ABM is so stuck to its medium that any translation would have to get creative. (ABM is very internal and the visuals can get a bit wacky.) But, that's a lot of fun! I'd like to see what a director or artist could come up with :)

I don't think a live action movie could really work these days, but in my head, I tend to imagine ABM as a 1970s art and/or queer film. So, weird grainy image, saturated colors, cheap costumes, too much makeup, and weird visuals. I also largely imagine the angel cast would be played by drag and/or trans actors, which I doubt any studio would do. Also I think it should be 3 hours and have way too many long, sensual shots of bodies.

Otherwise, I'd also think an animated movie adaption could work. If it were animated, I'd like a more artistic art style, like Belladona of Sadness. But my friend suggested that stop motion or claymation would also be gorgeous. I think a chapter like Uriel's would be absolutely gorgeous in a claymation.

I wouldn't be interested in a TV adaption given I don't watch them, but I would definitely give my blessing if someone asked. I also don't really read comics, but I would give my blessing and be excited to see what someone does with it. In general, I'd really love to take a step back and let whoever is adapting it to make it their own.

But also the absolute dream is a really bizarre tone-deaf musical adaption that flops on Broadway

[saint-starflicker]

5 Dark Academia Movies That I Don't Find Too Many Other People Posting Very Frequently About

Note my definition of Dark Academia: dark because somebody dies (at a stretch, the darkness can be oppression or abuse from which no one necessarily dies but it still gets pretty dark—or if someone attempts suicide or murder then I count it as dark); academia because they go to uniform school or prepster university (the academia part can be an intense study, discussion, or research of a subject even though they are not at a campus.)

1. The Moth Diaries 2011

The book was better, more detailed, but the movie is still pretty good. The campus is peak neoclassical splendor, the uniforms are on-point aesthetic, and the darkness is gruesomely bloody and also it's on fire. The book is set during the school year of 1970 to 1971, but the movie is set in 2010 thereabouts.

2. "O" 2001

A modern retelling of Othello by William Shakespeare set at a prestigious boarding school. Adapting classical literature in a high school was trendy at the time, trying to capture the magic of Clueless 1995, and in my opinion "O" was the most glammed-up production with the most dark academia atmosphere out of all of them.

3. Educating Rita 1983

A working-class British young woman takes a social enrichment outreach education opportunity to study literature, in hopes that a study in the humanities will give her a better sense of self. Her tutor is a "failed" poet who struggles with substance addiction. Unbeknownst to them, both their lives are at the crux of change. In their consistently non-romantic conversations together, they unpack class discrimination in academia and society, as well as argue about the meaningfulness versus empty pretensions of studying humanities.

Nobody dies, well all right somebody almost dies for pretentious academic reasons...but the conversations leave a lot between the lines.

4. Private Romeo 2011

A modern retelling of Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare set at an all-boys military school. Sure, it's not the Oxbridge-Camford or "Hollywood New England" collegiate aesthetic...but it is very gay, a feature that I hope lends the movie some compensatory merit in this context. Juliet's a boy. Romeo is still a boy. Nurse is a boy. Juliet's mom is a man. Paris is an abstract concept. They are studying Romeo and Juliet at the military school English class at the same time that they are living and speaking the lines in Romeo and Juliet, so it gets surreal and I recommend getting more into the emotion of it than get caught up in what the lines they're saying are supposed to mean.

This should be chaotic academia or frenzy academia, but there's homophobic hazing and bullying so I think that's pretty dark.

5. Bare: a Pop Opera ???? There was supposed to be a movie but I deduce that it's stalled in development purgatory. I have not liked a movie adaptation of a stage musical since Chicago 2002, so I guess I don't really like movie adaptations of stage musicals—but I definitely want my current hyperfixation to be more accessible than a Spotify album oh hey while waiting for this adaptation to happen you can listen to the Spotify album. It's an operetta, so it's sung-through and you won't miss out on any story dialogue unlike with other musicals. Here's my argument for B:APO being Dark Academia.

DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE #5 SPOT ON MY LIST DOES NOT EXIST...WHAT DARK ACADEMIA MOVIES DO YOU THINK SHOULD BE IN THIS SPOT IN THE MEANTIME?

I CAPSLOCK IN ANGUISH THAT THE B:APO MOVIE DOES NOT EXIST YET AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL.

YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS ARE CONSOLATION.

Honorable Mentions:

The History Boys 2006 had one subplot I was bothered by at first and then grew to despise which is really too bad because this movie had racial diversity, directly addressed misogyny in academia, and had canon gays in a love triangle — but it is dark and it doesn't really seem to know that it's dark.

The Children's Hour 1961 "dark academia is mlm while cottagecore is wlw" WRONG watching this movie to consider evidence of dark academia wlw is part of your yuri duty! remember our history!

Never Let Me Go 2010 I can't describe objectively because I read the book at a time in my life that I was having a time at that time. The movie is a faithful adaptation. I re-read it recently and I think it's more Dark Academia than I gave it credit for, but if you're not into Contemplative Dystopia then I completely understand it not being your thing.

Like Minds 2006 — Huh, so 2006 was a busy year for this genre that did not yet exist at the time. Witness the folie à deux of 21st century teenaged Templar Knight kinnies who are also homoerotic serial killers. (Waves to the people that introduced me to this movie, who—contrary to the header of this post—actually do post about it.)

Rope 1948 does have some activity that I've caught recently enough, but I thought maybe it wouldn't be considered Dark Academia right away because it doesn't take place at a school. It takes place at a dinner party where ex-schoolfriends talk to their philosophy professor who they remain well-acquainted with after graduation, an interrogation of putting this professor's morally heinous philosophy into practice. Also there is a corpse at this dinner party. There's your academics and your darkness, so there's your dark academia.

[manderleyfire]

hey, ali! i feel your pain about the tbosas adaptation! i cried so much during the movie but not because i felt emotional, seeing MY book comes alive on screen but because we were robbbbbbbbbbed and shot 😞😞😞😞😞😞 anyways, what's your opinion on the music tho? fav/least fav song? (my is the oldtherebefore and least fav the 0livia r0drigo's one)

hey, lollis!

‘robbed and shot’, exactly. i couldn’t have said it better myself because unfortunately, that’s spot on 🥲

I LOVED THE MUSIC! a dystopian reflection of our reality through intentional use of folk/bluegrass music is something that resonates strongly with me. i mean, they knew how to strike the right chord in the hearts of book readers for sure! *the only other thing i wish was different about the music it's the variety of tempo and rhythm because as much as i LOVED the unified sound of LG's songs, i would prefer each song to have its own individual tune and ~aura)

my absolute favourite adaptation that they did was 'nothing you can take from me' (boot-stompin’ version); i am utterly in awe of the powerful passionate energy that they gave to this song?? also i loveeed the similarity of rhythm and tone between 'nothing you can take from me' and a traditional american folk song 'man of constant sorrow', i kinda feel it was a deliberate parallel which worked just great. (also i’m glad they added maude ivory’s 'keep on the sunny side'!)

my least favourite is perhaps 'the ballad of lucy gray baird'?.. and though i did enjoy rachel’s rendition (she copies a young dolly parton in such a warm-hearted respectful manner!), and the respect for traditional appalachian music, she sang it in a cheerful 'to hell with you!' manner which is less intense and intimate that i remember it from the book to be? to quote tbosas here: 'the haunting melody set the tone, and her words did the rest as she began to sing in a voice husky from smoke and sadness' – the movie version really failed to capture both the haunting tune (their version doesn't really tell the story musically because of a major key) and the lucy gray's vulnerability here for me. in the book she did what carrie fisher told us all to do: 'take your broken heart and turn it into art' while in the movie she isn't even angry at billy taupe?? like his betrayal (and her place in the games) is not a big deal? she's openly rebellious and sassy with out of place 'i need no man' attitude and that simply didn't work for me personally.

it took some time for 'pure as the driven snow' to grow on me (i expected it to be more of a waltz-like, similar to maiah wynne's cover), but i'm coming around to it. yet… i wish it was STAGED differently??? they had to combine certain scenes and songs in the film but it was such a SURREAL idea to meld PATDS with 'sell you for a song' setting? and it took away so much from that moment of love and connection and unconditional acceptance, where lucy gray is finally ready to be emotionally unshielded in front of her lover (maybe for the first time ever)?? it was a PIVOTAL snowbaird moment but they needed to blend two songs together because obviously PATDS can't be love confession in form of a song because it should be taken as an ominous warning instead (duh!). 'bitch you better not turn out to be a bad guy even tho i knew you were a villain all along' :??? and it could've worked in its own angst-y way, if there had been any development in snowbaird love story?? but since movie!they are full on survival the whole time (there's no canonical teetering on the edge of an actual fondness/love and survival instinct), PATDS makes no sense at all. so… i extremely frustrated by the use of PATDS on screen but at the same time i love the sound of the full version on the soundtrack album.

annnd i'm actually IN PAIN because they had the audacity to leave so many songs out?? especially given their ties to the original trilogy?? 'deep in the meadow' aka rue's song???? 'the valley song' aka the one peeta mentioned seeing katniss sing at school when they were children????  the festive 'crawling to you' ('that thing i love with') likely performed at finnick’s wedding?? idk maybe it's a musical nerd who is speaking in me but i wish they could have included more of the book songs at least on the album, if not in the actual movie (even tho i'm still sure, it would've been possible to present the whole complexity of this book AND its poetic side too, if they decided to split the film in two).

[the score album wasn't much to talk about but 'snow lands on top' piece tho… vivid, striking, remarkable]

[kristsune]

So I had this idea a while ago, to do little reviews for all of Tim Meredith’s songs because I feel like there isn’t enough love out there for them. So last week I decided to just Do It. I finished (including the two new songs he just dropped yesterday) I have it here under a readmore, or if you would prefer, you can just read the gdoc here, I only did the songs that were listed on his bandcamp (which you should absolutely go to) even though there are a few extra early ones on his youtube.  These were written in no particular order, basically whichever song I happened to click on next. Anyway, feel free to read and spread the word.

How to even describe Tim Meredith’s music. The way he can adapt to different styles and genres is honestly impressive. It’s probably got something to do with the improv background but it’s amazing how he can just … choose a style and write an incredible song for it. Everytime he drops a new song I am always impressed with what he has managed yet again. 

Disclaimer: I don’t have any musical education except being friends with multiple musicians for many years in which only small amounts of information have managed to seep into my adhd addled brain. So I apologize for the lack of musically correct terminology, this is a work of appreciation, not technical prowess. Also lyrics are generally the last thing I hear, so I may mention them here and there, but they aren’t my main focus for this.

Always Here 

I can’t quite express what it is about this song that I adore, but it absolutely has something to do with the deep rumble of the bass and the way it drives the song forward relentlessly. The effect on the vocals only adds to this. The fact that it goes minor definitely caters to my tastes specifically. The high tones that come in during the bridge have such a Bowie quality that is delightful and a perfect contrast to the rest of the song. (artwork: the mossy greenery adds such a vibe to the song)

Don’t Look to Me

This has been one of my favorites since it aired. The high vocals of the chorus, with the overlapping harmonies are beautifully done and how they are placed over each other makes me think of something being sung in a large hall or church, big and echoey. Additionally the offset of the lyrics “it’s what you chose” (and to a lesser degree “any other way”) makes it feel like you’re being surrounded, like its multiple people telling you this is what you chose, what you wanted. I adore how the vocals trail out with the music at the end. (artwork: the hot pink neon feels so right for the feeling, the tiles adding to the echo)

Sweaty (Near You)

I know this one was controversial at the release, but I honestly could not then, and still cannot understand why. People are honestly sleeping on this song and it makes no sense to me. It’s got a very sensual vibe without gendered lyrics. Sure “baby” is used, but if you don’t think baby could be used for any gender then that’s on you, not the song. The deep base with the sparse instrumentation with a fun noodly solo is just an excellent combination that works so incredibly well. (artwork: the b&w photo with dark maroon text is a perfect combination)

Lucky Boy

When this song premiered my first thought was the entrance song for a villain in a movie. I could see it so clearly in my head. It’s got drive, and movement, and attitude the way it kicks up into high gear into the chorus from the verse with that fuzz guitar. The incredible layers with all the different synth/organ sounds, paints such an image. Nevermind the vocals that fit so perfectly within all that. (artwork: The maneki-neko is such a perfect choice for this)

Numbers and Lights

This is another one I have difficulty describing quite what it is that I love about it. It’s rather lowkey all the way through and I rather enjoy the… almost the stops and starts, the way it gives pause before kicking back in, like the song needs to take a breath before moving on. Again, pretty sure this one turns minor in a way that caters directly to me. Small detail that really delights me is what sounds like the equivalent to crickets under the “Reid asks Reid tells”. (artwork: gotta love biflag color rep. always a plus)

Limb Controller

This song features Amy and was an early favorite of mine. It feels like a song that could and should be played at a disco, just making me want to dance. The synths are perfect and I love how they gain intensity in the bridge before coming back down for the verse. The contrast between Amy’s higher vocals to Tim’s rougher growly ones is a perfect combination. I’ve always loved the “I’ve already let him in, a puppet on his string” moment. (artwork: when videos were still being made, love the scifi vibes)

Never Loved

Another song that is a bit more lowkey, but still comes through with excellent vibes. This one is really all about the syncopation especially with the drums. Which includes the panning back and forth during certain portions, but especially during the time change. I also really love the effects on the vocals. The occasional splashes of a high stringed instrument, and the crash of a forward cymbal really just add to the atmosphere of the song. (arwork: something about being called never loved with what looks like kintsugi just kinda Hits)

Love Your Mind

The repeating pattern throughout this song is just So Good, I love everything about it, and then how other patterns build on top of it? Impeccable. There are so many layers but it's never too much or loses track of itself, never feels over complicated or discordant. I always end up tapping along to the pattern, sometimes difficult to choose which one to follow. This song is shorter, but never fails to make me smile. (artwork: love the chandelier with the many intricate patterns, feels like it matches the song perfectly in that way)

On Your Terms

Oh that bass line. *chef kiss* Absolutely the backbone of the song, helps create the perfect atmosphere for that distorted guitar. Tim always puts a lot into the vocals, but here it feels like there is a extra level of emotion that feels raw. The way the note is held for “on your terms” just kind of kicks me in the chest every time. (artwork: love that the fire is the only color)

Some Thoughts After Consideration

This song truly resonates with me on a molecular level. I have been working in retail for going on 18 years and I just feel this song in the depths of my soul. Something about the wobbly synths and strong beat with the soft vocals are just perfect. The transition to what almost feels like a … big musical number in a theatrical show for the chorus. Like I can just see big spot lights turning on the stage. Perfection. (artwork: can’t go wrong with a squawking seagull, theme on point)

Falling Away

This is another one of my favorites. It’s so soft and gentle, lilting piano blending so perfectly with the vocals, which build up in intensity for the chorus so beautifully. Again, I think this one turns minor key, though I’m not as sure about it as I am with the others. I don’t have a lot of words for this one, but it’s lovely in its simplicity. (artwork: always loved this one for no reason I can really define)

Regret Me Not

I love how this song starts off sounding like something like a medieval march. The most prominent thing about this song is of course those incredible harmonies all throughout. The whole initial build up, and how it switches halfway through is just incredible. There is so much depth in this short song. I don’t always pay attention to lyrics, but when I did look at them I was surprised and delighted by how uplifting they are. (artwork: another older one with a video. I am a sucker for nature anything, and this just being a series of nature shots particularly appealed to me)

Pacesetter

The deep rumbly bass paired with the panning distorted vocals is just an incredible driving force. This song has the kind of beat that will just go on forever. If it were a predator it would be a komodo dragon just relentlessly following behind, never losing sight, always there stalking forward. (artwork: the starting line for a racetrack is an excellent choice)

The Aftermath

This was another early favorite of mine. The mandolin is the star of this song, but it is surrounded by a wonderful arrangement that allows it to be so. The gentle piano with the soft vocals, the shakers and woodblocks all come together beautifully. I always adored the extended pause about ⅔ of the way through. (artwork: this is my favorite video, and I’m sure it took a lot of work to match all the timing so well. The way it ends with the snuffing of the candle 10/10 no notes)

Arcadia

The light bouncy acoustic guitar is so catchy paired with the light and airy vocals, just makes for a lovely song all around. Truly impressive that so much can be expressed with so few instruments. I always find myself nodding my head along to this one. (artwork: makes me think of marshmallow and then want something sweet, but then I remember it’s a rock face and then that makes me want to climb it. Too bad it wasn’t a marshmallow clifface)

Deep Air

This is one of those songs that I love because it’s so out of the usual wheelhouse. It’s chill and wonderfully lowkey, and truly does make you feel like you are just floating around in space. The NASA audio certainly only adds to that vibe. Even with all that I do really love how it still slowly builds towards a big end. (artwork: excellent space vibes, love it)

A Horrid Angry Goose

I remember the goose game stream quite fondly, and this song in response to that was an absolute delight. It’s a fun and funny song, but it also has genuinely fantastic harmonies, and a strong baseline. The build up in each verse into the chorus is just so good. I love how it tells the story of the game, but in such a delightful way. This song is a guaranteed mood boost and I’m so glad for it. (artwork: Goosey perfection)

What It Says About Me

Adore the intro to this, the panning on the string instrument is perfect, and then when the beat drops and everything just drives on. Again, the way the vocals harmonize is impeccable. Truly impressive. Also adore the almost call and response at about halfway through. (artwork: something about the rusted half visible ship feels sad, though I suppose it’s apt for the song)

Unremarkable Sin

The alternating rhythms for this are just so incredibly good, the way it starts and the way it changes when the drums kick in, giving it a bit of swing that is just really great. I really love the gentle vocals for this as well, they fit between the instrumentation so perfectly. (artwork: i love the vague religious vibes, which somehow also translate into the music but in a not actually religious way)

What’s Due

Another one that just kicks ass right out the gate. The rising synths just gives this song such energy. The layered and overlapping synths and rhythms makes it feel like it’d fit right in at a bar or a scene in a movie (bar scene in a movie?) Again the pause about ⅔ the way through adds such drama and it’s absolutely perfect. The processing on the vocals is fantastic and the delivery only adds to the overall attitude of the song. (artwork: bull terriers are one of my favorite puppies and this one is SO cute, bonus points for bi pride colors)

Breaking

The bass line with the panning distorted guitar is such a good combination. That plus the processing on the vocals, creates such a spacious atmosphere that feels melancholy (Though I suppose the lyrics probably add to that feelings). (artwork: love a good seascape, big fan of corals and anemones, and adds to the vibe of having already “fallen”)

An Imagined Sense

Another song that just makes me want to dance, The way this one goes from just a decent beat to kicking into high gear is so good. Again with the excellent doubled vocals/extreme delay just creating such a great balance with the synths. (artwork: the video for this is extremely hypnotizing and feels like you’re being sucked into the song, which feel right)

Walk Away

The really distorted bass paired with the really light piano synth and gentle cymbals is just a really excellent combination. I really love the repetition for the chorus, plus of course the lovely harmonies make for a really lovely chill song. (artwork: Always been a fan of viewing through an opening, but the broken down interior out into the green outdoors is very pleasing.)

Exquisitely Bad

The groove that is set as soon as the song starts is just impeccable. And that groove just doesn’t stop. I love the contrast of that deeper bass with the higher synths that alternate between ears. Something about how the vocals jump up during with the chord progression is delightful. Really just a killer song. (artwork: love the dilapidated house with green font, fit right in with the Halloween premiere)

Horny for Greece

I know this started as a song from stream, but it is genuinely a fantastic song. That funky piano that gives Stevie Wonder Vibes, the niche but perfect rhymes with excellent vocals, the syncopated drums. All just add up to great vibes. (artwork: having the title cut diagonal over the broken section of sculpture is perfection)

The Eventual

Always a sucker for a song with handclaps. Mixed with the woodwind and the harmonica creates such an interesting atmosphere. There is something about the double beat on the drums that I really enjoy. I also love the strong distortion on the vocals, really pulls the room together. (artwork: took me ages to realize the picture was flipped upside down, that being said, it’s still very visually interesting)

Wretched

The slow build with the offset synths that make almost a round, the drums start and stopping before they fade and the beat truly starts is just so good. It creates such tension. I love how the synths create almost waves throughout the song, pulling it along. I also adore the effects on the vocals, just fits so perfectly with the soundscape of the rest of the song. (artwork: it took me a little bit to realize what I had been looking at, but the textures are so good. Fits with the vibes)

More Time

The hard fuzz guitar is such a strong start for this song, paired with the very rock drums is just perfect. Just has excellent classic rock vibes. I really love the depth of emotion felt in the vocals, and the low doubled vocal is a perfect extra layer you sometimes don’t even realize is there adding to it. (artwork: not sure how or why, but the fire seems to just fit perfectly for this)

Can’t Happen Here

I absolutely love the piano intro for this, it really sets the whole mood. I absolutely love the vocals for this song. The almost call and response, the harmonies, just *chef kiss* fantastic. I also really love the fuzz guitar when it kicks in. Ramps the song to a whole other level. (artwork: love the roiling clouds for this one. Yet again, fits the mood perfectly.)

Kennecott

I desperately love the percussion in this song, both the unusual patterns and the sounds used. It creates such a cool landscape for the song. And the interest doesn’t end there. The part where the sound pans quickly from left to right with the rhythm is just so incredibly good. This song is just an experience from start to finish. (artwork: I never quite figured out what this one was, an aerial shot? of the beach? My brain always just made it out to be an abstract painting but I am currently realizing that is incorrect. Still fits the vibe though, feels scattershot like the song.)

On Notice

(sidenote: I have barely listened to this one, because I tend to listen to my youtube playlist, and I found while making this that this song is only on bandcamp, so I haven’t listened to this one nearly as much as most of the others despite it being released about a year ago)

The sheer amount of Radiohead Vibes for this is absolutely incredible, and as someone who absolutely adores Radiohead, I love it. I love how the vocals come in and out, I love the almost droning instruments in the background. Additionally, on the delay on the vocals is fantastic, and I love the pause like ⅔ the way through. Excellent. (artwork: Love the b&w, looks like black marble. Great look.)

Better from Further Away

I love the simple clean (upright?) bass in the opening, with the soft drums. Again, I am a sucker for harmonies and I love them on the chorus. The juxtaposition of the very chill relaxed song, to the somewhat ridiculous (read: amazing) lyrics is very good. (artwork: Love this video, especially the close up zoom on the sheep when they are mentioned.)

Friend of Mine

I love how gentle and soft this whole song is. The piano and soft drums working so well together with the gentle lyrics. I really love it when the piano kind of goes into double time. (artwork: Love a good red sunset. Excellent.)

In The Dark

I love how this starts out with what feels like very 80’s movie synths, and then just shifts into a very chill song. Not sure why but it does give very 80’s Jim Henson vibes. Like I feel this should be in the Dark Crystal or Labyrinth or something. Maybe it’s the lovely harmonies that I can see being sung by small fuzzy puppets. Also I absolutely adore the horns throughout. Perfect 10/10. (artwork: I think 3 puppets should in fact pop out of the three holes to sing those harmonies.)

Now We’ll Never Know

This song is so very pretty. The simple bass and ringing guitar along with the gentle vocals. Yet again, the harmonies on the “oohs” are beautiful and I love them, especially paired with that gently picked guitar. (artwork: love a good dilapidated staircase. The green lettering is a perfect match.)

[whinlatter]

Hi, You mentioned you liked the Tent scene in the DH movie which is very rare for Romione fans and book fans… and so I’m curious if there’s other things you like from the films? I would love to know

me fighting for my life in hinny/romione jail after saying i really like the tent scene

Ok just in defence of the tent scene, which I love for so many reasons in a film series I broadly feel ambivalent about... I love that how plays with the idea of the characters just being kids getting a moment to piss about in a tent with the radio on, while the war rages around them (the song is O Children for a reason, and the fact that the train imagery runs throughout the lyrics... chef's kiss). I think it's a thoughtful twist on that line from DH about them being "three teenagers in a tent whose only achievement was not, yet, to be dead", playing with the teenageness of it all. I also really like how it steps out of being a HP film and plays both with a change of pace but also different forms of media - like, if you're converting something from one form to another (in this case, from a book to a film), you can and should think about what you can do in movies that you can't do in books, and music is so important in that. And I actually really love at the end where movie!Harry and Hermione look at each other and something seems to hang in the balance - I think it works as a bit of a wink and a nod to the audience expectations, but I love that they both turn away from it, because to the two characters there’s nothing of that between them, just deep love and ease with another person that they treasure and are grateful for. And then the song ends, and it’s back to the worry, three minutes of forgetting and back to the hours and hours of waiting and worrying. And although I don't really think of the movie characters as the characters, I do think it works as a way to render a dynamic in book!Harry and Hermione’s relationship by DH, which does have this intimacy, tenderness, and these gorgeous little twinge moments of physical affection:

She hesitated, but recognised the dismissal. She picked up the book and then walked back past him into the tent, but as she did so, she brushed the top of his head lightly with her hand. He closed his eyes at her touch, and hated himself for wishing that what she said was true: that Dumbledore had really cared.

Overall, though, I really don't love the films. I absolutely enjoy rewatching them with friends as a nostalgic relic of my childhood, yes I will re-enact the PS/SS chess scene on request, but I don't think as a series they're very strong, either as an adaptation or as a standalone body of work. My favourite film is probably GoF, because I think it just gets the vibe right: it nails the series shift that happens in book four, in that it delivers boarding school caper vibes immaculately, but then also really nails the political/courtroom scenes (the Barty Crouch Jr trial scene holds up as iconic, oh my god!) and the truly terrifying graveyard scene and the tragedy/agony of the aftermath. But in general I don't think the films are hugely well done, and I think giving David Yates films five through eight was a huge mistake (the man just turns the lights down to show that everything is getting dark and miserable, and directs weak, mannered performances from his actors in scenes that are poorly cut and edited. I will die on this hill). If JKR weren't set to make bank that she's going to pump into toxic TERF lobbying in Scottish/UK politics I'd be excited for the HBO series. Since the films were made we've seen how long-form series television can really be a wonderful medium for delivering quality adaptations and is where some of the most exciting new IP has been coming out of for the past few years, so there's such rich creative energy in that space that could deliver a really quality adaptation. But she is... so I am not!

Other things I like from the films that aren't in the books, after a lot of thought lol:

Burning the Burrow scene — it happened in the wrong film (the Burrow probably was attacked during DH, after Ron is revealed to be travelling with Harry at Malfoy Manor), but I think it’s extremely atmospheric, really chilling and beautiful (the reeds! the water! obsessed) Also it’s basically the best/most bearable Hinny moment in the wasteland of film Hinny........ but I digress

The crackling radio scenes from DH 1 (borrowed these heavily for inspo for Beasts, I love them so much)

[stupid-lemon-eater]

i read fantine's descent for the first time last night - i had fallen behind on les mis by 10 days so i read it all in one go when i was meant to be going to sleep, and at several points i just had to Stop and stare across my dark bedroom at the mirror and the faint outline of my face lit up by my ipad and just Breathe for a second.

the thing i found most interesting while reading it was just how horrifying it was. as mentioned in the post i just reblogged, fantine had to choose every single time to carve herself away, to give up more and more of herself until she was unrecognisable, and she did it all out of hope and love for her daughter who she doesn't even know was being mistreated, that all her sacrifice was doing was lining thernardier's pockets while cosette still suffered.

and that would be interesting enough as is, but the thing that struck me the most while reading is how all of the actual horror of fantine's fate is stripped from her in adaptations (or at least in the musical/movie) in favour of the lurid idea of her having to go into sex work. the book itself treats fantine going into sex work as another tragic loss on effectively the same level as cutting off her hair, learning how to live in winter with no heat nor light, losing her modest lodgings for an uncomfortable attic with no bedding, her persistent illness or removing her front teeth — it's, "Let us sell what is left!" — what's one more loss on top of everything else, right?

(one could even make an argument that the tooth removal was treated as the most horrifying part of fantine's descent - it certainly was for me, as someone who had two wisdom teeth removed recently! the imagery of her bloody smile with the hole where her front teeth should be lit up by candlelight is definitely one that's going to haunt me.)

but in adaptations, we don't see that slow chipping away of personhood, of identity, of belongings and comfort. it's kicked out of the workhouse - hair cut off - prostitute - dead. bamatabois is changed from an arrogant, wealthy asshole with nothing better to do with his time than torment those less fortunate than him for the crime of merely existing to a potential customer who gets angry when fantine turns him down. by adding that dynamic to their interaction it softens bamatabois' cruelty, makes it less about an act of completely unprovoked dehumanisation and, well, cruelty against someone vulnerable that was answered by that person snapping and lashing out.

bamatabois in the book did not just target fantine because she was a sex worker, but also because her hair was cut, because she had no front teeth, because of how she dressed, how she behaved - in short, she was an acceptable target.

it feels as though the people adapting the novel don't understand that the tragedy and horror of fantine's fate was not the fact that she had to sell sex for money, but the fact that she had to give up everything of herself to the point where she was an unrecognisable wretch drinking brandy to keep the misery at bay with the only thing keeping her alive being her love for cosette. even the tooth removal, when it is adapted, is changed to her back teeth, making fantine's loss less visible and more palatable, and is oft ignored in favour of focusing on fantine's work as a sex worker in a way the book never does, not realising that the sex work was a symptom, not the disease.

[the-other-art-blog]

I saw Barbie yesterday!

I wasn’t planing on it, tbh. But an introvert does not have a lot of chances to go out, so I went to catch up with some friends.

I have a few thoughts about it, but it made me think of Little Women and Laurie in the adaptations.

So, the problem in Barbieland is that the Kens are relegated to accessories. This is how Mattel made them and Greta took that to give men a taste of their own medicine. They have no purpose, profession, dreams of their own, nothing. They exist solely to support Barbie. Without her, Ken is nothing. And people say, “well, this is a girl’s toy, so Barbie is the important one.” And isn’t it funny how this is the way adaptations treat Laurie?

LW is a book for girls. Girls and women are the main target audience. Therefore, Laurie doesn’t deserve his own character arc. What for, right? Louisa gave him one and it’s a very interesting and beautiful one. But I guess adaptations don’t think a girl would care about it and relegate him to an accessory. He’s Jo’s friends, Jo’s suitor, Amy’s husband. 

The prime example is Greta’s adaptation (how ironic!). In that film, Laurie exists only to be a love interest to Jo and Amy. There’s barely a mention of his past, and his music comes up as an afterthought, almost at the end of the movie. Laurie’s conflict revolves around marriage. Will he marry Jo or Amy? We never see him working or graduating. The movie barely addresses his problems with his grandfather. There’s not one scene just for him. What we know about him is told by other characters. He never gets to express anything, aside for his feelings for Jo! And viewers don’t seem to care for the most part. They see Laurie as a thing. They claim that Amy took Laurie from Jo. Excuse me? He’s a person, he chose to propose to Amy. He’s not a prize! They like Timothee Chalamet. They don’t know him, he rarely posts on social media. He’s a complete stranger. But isn’t he handsome, and he speaks French? Who wouldn’t want him?

By doing this, there’s also the message that men are more like pets than partners for women. What has 2019!Laurie has to offer to anyone? He’s charming, and what else? Why would any woman want to spend the rest of her life with him? Wouldn’t a strong, independent woman want a strong, independent man, not just a nice smile? Why don’t these adaptations show that? It’s a way of teaching young girls that if they are interested in men in the future, they should look for a kind, smart, responsible, hard-working man, not just a pretty face.

[forthegothicheroine]

I'm unfamiliar with revenge tragedies - where & how would you recommend starting? (books, adaptations, something else?)

You've seen/read Hamlet and Titus Andronicus, so you know at least two classical revenge tragedies! Sweeney Todd is a modern one working very much in the classical tradition!

@titleleaf probably knows more about this than I do, but what's interesting about a revenge tragedy is that it reflects a philosophy you don't see much today- the idea that the violent vigilante needs to die at the end, for the sake of a safe and reasonable society. When we started reading Hamlet, my Shakespeare professor wrote on the board "An act is only revenge if it exceeds the original act." With all this going on, a good revenge tragedy should genuinely pull at the emotions and effectively depict trauma and also send the gore and cruelty through the roof to a near-camp level!

For any of these, you might want to look them up in case you're worried about specific triggers, because I don't want to be responsible for forgetting any specific ones.

Hamlet and Titus Andronicus, of course. And the film Titus by Julie Taymor for anyone who hasn't yet seen it. I think the speech where Titus wishes he had done something wrong because then at least he'd know the gods were justly punishing him encapsulates the driving force of these dramas.

The Revenger's Tragedy by (probably) Thomas Middleton is my big favorite, and I also love the controversial film adaptation with Christopher Eccleston and Eddie Izzard. This one in particular was a big influence on Sweeney Todd, with a man sliding into batshit crazydom in his quest to avenge his wife, and evil things happening at a horrific masked ball.

The Spanish Tragedy by Thomas Kyd, often cited as the genre starter. It contains the framing device that the murder victim was sent back as a ghost by Persephone so that he could witness his death being avenged, which is AMAZING.

The Atheist's Tragedy by Cyril Tourneur should be read when you want to have a laugh at the genre. I think there's a decent chance it was at least partly a sendup. (That said, if any of my readers have seen an affecting production of it, please tell me about it!)

Not really revenge tragedies but good for bloody Jacobean drama: Tis Pity She's a Whore and The Duchess of Malfi. And then read the Angela Carter short story "John Ford's Tis Pity She's a Whore", which reimagines it as a western!

For modern stuff, The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover was written in the classical tradition! Kyle Kallgren has a very good video analyzing it through that dramatic lens.

I've mentioned that Sweeney Todd, both the musical and the Christopher Bond play, was influenced strongly by The Revenger's Tragedy. This is my usual place where I urge people to see the Concert version with Patti Lupone and George Hearn and Neil Patrick Harris instead of (or in addition to) the Burton movie.

Add on suggestions, followers!

[forzasedici]

i love it that you reblogged the “get to know the blogger” post bc i saw you reblog a lot of “le belle et la bete” gifs and was curious about your general taste/favourite films 👁️👁️

this is going to be so long i'm sorry but i just love talking about it so let's start!

i'm going to highlight some of the movies from my favourites list on letterboxd aka the movies that butter my bun:

— Skyfall (2012) and 1917 (2019) both directed by Sam Mendes are honestly great movies with Skyfall for me being the best Bond movie and 1917 as one of the best war movies. What made 1917 one of my favourites was the watching it at cinema experience plus the reveal in the end is just *chef's kiss*

— Tarantino movies. Like that's it. I know a lot of ppl don't like him but for me he's one of the best writers and sure has his problems but you cannot deny his work is great. Inglorious Basterds for me take the cake as his best movie with Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill: Part I being up there as well. One of his underrated movies is definitely Jackie Brown which I've loved.

— Period dramas. Another one of my fave genres. Emma. (2020) being one of my favourite movies. Emma (2009) is also a great adaptation albeit it is a series. Pride and Prejudice (2005) and (1995) are great as well. Little Women has recently grown on me way more and remains my favourite Greta Gerwig movie. Another underrated movie for me is Ophelia which as the title says focuses more on Ophelia from the play Hamlet. It's really well done and I've enjoyed watching it.

— This one is also a period drama but it is a bollywood movie so I wanted to highlight it. Jodhaa Akbar is a MUST watch such a good movie it's insane like I'm sorry you have a sword fight sequence between two lovers and you have won me over.

— Let's get franchises out of the way. Obviously Marvel movies are some of my favourites with Avengers: Infinity War, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Thor: Ragnarok which are in my top 3. Both Black Panther movies and Spider-man: No Way Home are taking honourable mentions. For their series my favourite has been Moon Knight. (Sony gets their cookies for Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse and obviously Venom because come on now eddie and venom are otp y'all don't get it like i do)

— Next big franchise is Star Wars. Original trilogy: Empire Strikes Back. Prequel trilogy: Revenge of the Sith (I'm an Anakin girlie unfortunately) and Sequel trilogy: The Last Jedi (Rian Johnson supremacy). Series: Obi-wan Kenobi (i cried). Honourable mention to Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (i also cried).

— Since I mentioned Rian Johnson let's expand on that because the man just gets movies and everyone should watch Looper and Knives Out!!

— Denis Villeneuve. MY MAN!!!! Arrival and Dune *chef's kiss* if you can bear longer movies also Blade Runner 2049 but it isn't one of my favorites exactly because it was long and boring. And since probably someone will say the same for Dune at least Dune has you looking at Oscar Isaac and Timothee Chalamet sure they look miserable but that's when men look the best.

— Spy movies? like idk how to call this but let me list them all. Anna (2019) they succeeded where The Red Sparrow failed like if you're looking for anything similar to Black Widow Anna is the one I would recommend a thousand times. The Nice Guys and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. great comedies I just love them. It's not really a spy but assassin I guess but John Wick franchise is the shit and the best movie is obviously John Wick 2.

— Another director that has me is unfortunately Christopher Nolan. Can I get more basic than that? I do admit his faults and that's sound mixing is fucking awful, I don't understand his movies while I am watching them most of the time and this man cannot write a female character for the life of him BUT 🎶 shapes and colours 🎶. His ideas are what draw me in and it's just visual masterpieces doesn't matter if I can't hear the dialogue if it looks good am I right?

— Smashing musicals and animation together because this is already becoming too long. Singin' In The Rain and The Sound of Music are a MUST watch and also I'm a Phantom of the Opera girlie so if you're going to watch anything watch the 25th anniversary version. I am also unfortunately a Hamilton girlie and the damage to my life caused by that damn musical is irreparable. For animation musical Hercules, The Emperor's New Groove, Anastasia, The Lion King and Tangled and purely animation Howl's Moving Castle, Lilo and Stitch, The Incredibles and Inside Out.

— Now it's time for a quick fire: Ford v Ferrari and Rush are two best movies for my motorsport girlies, Gone Girl and The Hunger Games: Catching Fire for my book girlies, Death at a Funeral and Hot Fuzz for the british comedy girlies, i'm also unfortunately a Titanic girlie probably the movie i've watched most in my life, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS!!! A. MUST. WATCH. Monty Python movies are great if you ignore some of the outdated jokes. Jackie is one of my favorites just because it's one of Natalie's Portman's best performances and that's also including Black Swan but both movies are also visually stunning.

— The Death of Stalin is one of the best comedies as well. Ready Player One is one of my weirder favourites since many ppl see it as an average movie but i'd recommend it to anyone (literally can't believe it's my favourite Spielberg movie 😭😭). Also add to the video game genre Tron: Legacy because I will also recommend that movie to anyone. The Grand Budapest Hotel is also a must watch like if anyone made the world go through a pink paint shortage before Barbie did then it's this movie and finally The Batman (2022). Let's end on a battinson note just because.

— Crazy to think I haven't even mentioned all of my favourites but I guess this is kinda the jist of it all. Basically my taste is anything as long as I like it I guess jsbsjsbsjs. (I forgot to mention the horror genre but that's just because I don't really have a favourite movie like if I had to say anything it would be The Conjuring movies.)

— As for Le Belle Et La Bête it's one of my new favourites and honestly got me into a french cinema mood so I'll probably find more favourites there. One of my goals has always been to watch more foreign movies but not many have entered my favourites club unfortunately. Also fuck disney live-action remakes (except you cinderella (2015)).

get to know the blogger