#also kinda for some reason the master and margarita??? (from.. the master and margarita)

[picturemecountingcards]

unpopular opinion but i actually really enjoyed that drea and eleanor didn't kiss in do revenge. they hit that sweet spot that makes me go insane, of characters who are extremely close to each other, have a complex, deep (and fucked up) relationship, could probably be called the most important people in each other's lives and are in no way romantically involved. i love how physically affectionate they are, how drea says that the only times she'd been happy that year had been with eleanor, how they can't stand each other and love each other so so much. i love how much they've deliberately (and not) hurt each other and how they can't atone for that but they can move on and be better together. i also love that they're unhinged.

[carpe-duem]

He's gone from Sisyphus to Lazarus

"He's gone from Sisyphus to Lazarus" is the phrase Wendy utters in Don't Starve together if Maxwell aka William Carter resurrects someone. And as soon as I found out about it, I just couldn't get it out of my head, it's like this... it's an amazing thing, so unlike the quotes of other characters, that I think about it too much. And I'll make you too.

Wendy, a girl with very dubious views for a twelve-year-old or-whatever-her-age-is and a predilection for quoting various kinds of literature. We are interested in the latter today. And she says about Maxwell "He's gone from Sisyphus to Lazarus" when he gets a resurrecting heart for the player. And what struck me so deeply in this phrase that I have not been able to get it out of my head for the third month? Well, first of all, she compares Maxwell's past with Sisyphus, and Maxwell is actually very, VERY mephistopheles-coded. Judge for yourself - in the text of the game itself, he is called a "demon". We have art with him and Wilson, where he hands the exhausted hero an apple - what is it if not an allusion to original sin? Several characters turn to him, although he still appears to the player as an NPC, as a "demon". Wigfried in one of the quotes (the attacker) says "I sense Loki's influence in ...(nickname)" and Loki is a character kinda related to Mephistopheles, they basically qualitatively similar, and Wortox, literally a demon, tells Maxwell "You have no power over me" (although, this, of course, is already far-fetched), and in the end, even his name is a reference to a thought experiment called "Maxwell's demon".

However, they say that outwardly he is based on Woland from the master and Margarita, although our antagonist also has the most obvious features of Mephistopheles - both a charismatic grin and sharp, angular facial features. "....growth was <...> high <..> he was wearing an expensive gray suit, foreign shoes in the color of the suit. Looks like he's in his forties. The mouth is kind of crooked. Clean-shaven. The eyebrows are black, but one is higher than the other. In a word, a foreigner." – there is some similarity, you must agree, even a part about a foreigner, given the fact that William is an immigrant from England, and among the hypotheses of Ivan Bezdomny (his pen name means "homeless") and Berlioz about the origin of Woland, there was also "An Englishman," Bezdomny thought, "look, and it's not hot for him in gloves" - but Woland in turn is also the image of Mephistopheles, which Bulgakov does not even hide, only a black poodle on the head of a cane is worth something, so we find ourselves at this point anyway. Yes, a trickster, yes, "part of that pover which eternally wills evil and eternally works good," but still, a demon is an image with a clearly negative connotation. And it is all the more surprising to see a comparison of his past with Sisyphus. Sisyphus is a character in Greek mythology, certainly not a positive one - a sinner who is forced to roll a stone uphill forever as punishment for his actions - he, according to one of the most common versions, chained the god of death Thanatos(or even Hades), thus defeating death itself, and stopping the death of people all over the globe for some time, and after his own death, with the help of cunning and deception, he returned back from the kingdom of Hades to earth, for which he eventually paid. And yet, remembering Sisyphus, we do not remember his actions during his lifetime - because, strictly speaking, the version of the myth that I have given is only one of several, there are several more where the actions of Sisyphus are described much more... cruel and socially unacceptable, I would say - for example, in another, less popular version, Sisyphus received his punishment for committing rape, but somehow Sisyphus in culture is primarily a symbol of hard, endless, fruitless work and cruel torment - there is a stable expression "Sisyphean labor" existing for a reason. Comparing someone with Sisyphus, we almost say what we feel for this person... pity? sympathy? And it's somehow very beautiful and touching, in my opinion. As you can see, such a character as Sisyphus is surprisingly far from the already familiar Maxwell-demon-Mephistopheles bundle, mentioned by other characters every now and then, which is simply amazing if you think about it a little longer. We see that Wendy characterized Maxwell, the Maxwell who was on the throne of shadows - if we consider this phrase of hers as a metaphor for all his being in the Constant- in a very peculiar way. In general, I must say, Wendy is an amazingly astute child - for example, her phrase about chess pieces, where she says about the queen "She holds the true power, here", and about the king "Alas, the king is but a figurehead, at best", very well reflects the situation with the rulers of the Constant, and such there are many examples.

[the-chickenshit-oddity]

B99 Obsessive Rewatch Season Two

rewatching B99 and taking notes. also, sometimes i get ideas of stuff i wanna see played out more, so i post them as prompts and link them here. spoilers for all of season two.

2:1

Jake as an italian mobster kinda

Is this the first holt&jake hug we’ve seen?? Rayray doesnt even flinch so cute

Jake’s rapidfire recap : fixed a boxing match / smoked a whole cigar w/o vomitting / was in a room w/ 10 Sals

Jake lies to amy about liking her

Jake has “lady hands”

Holt says he’s seen MOVIES PLURAL

Awesome begins with an O, JP 2013 probably

“i am feeling trepidation at the prospect of a parentless existence” = baby holt’s parents had a thing when he was 7

Weirdest thing in the whole episode is mobster jake being beaten by a cop on mob turf and none of his mobster buddies helping out

Baby holt snuck into daddy holt’s office to check out his collection of antique globes = daddy holt issues ref above

Proud daddy holt. Forgot to note if it happened in s1 so we’ll consider this the beginning

Jake unlies to amy about liking her

Gina and boyle shag again

2:2

Terry’s getting snipped and gina is way creepy

Boyle has a sister (probs castle girl) that we never mention again?

Wunch appearance and holt is a dramatic shit i love him

Wunch&holt : wunch shot holt, holt tried to get her fired, wunch destroyed holts file while UC, holt embarrassed wunch in front of derrick jeater who??

Amy’s fierce when someone’s fucking with her career we stan

Charles has seen the little mermaid

Holt’s a great amy dad cause both of them are ambitious nerds

2:3

Jimmy jabs est.2008

Jake knows rosa’s friend katie (and s1 amy’s friend kylie – how the fuck)

Lots of parallels to FRIENDS. Accidental sex tape, two guys accidentally nap together, probs other stuff, where’s the downstairs officers brooming the ceiling?

Squad screams like maniacs in the bullpen and random background people literally dont even care – ie this is such a habit people are over it

Bomb suits kinda look like minions or is it just me

Hitchcock is evil – do we think he’s related to gina or what?

Amy wins

2:4

Halloween heist

Holt is a master jake player, all rejoice

Holt says watch from kevdad & kevdad dead

I want ginas jacket

Jake has cousins ie jake has aunties??

2:5

Trust levels off the charts. Leaping at terry, telling holt the truth and asking amy for help. Okay so that’s only jake but still

Wunch is evil

My man holt is sooo tense, how long do we bet till he blows up?

Amy is giving toddler mom vibes rn somebody give her a margarita

>> amy has to babysit some random kid and realises he’s identical to jake in behaviour

Im gonna need baby terry being a disco champion thing

>>Omg!! Holt caught the disco killer, maybe disco killer killed disco nerds, ie holt saved terry’s life!

Lmao kev passive agressive is my life

Holt is a regular holmes wtf

How did jake get guest pjs, im sensing a food/drink related accident which makes twice this episode with amy’s car

Holt&jake teaming up is my fave thing ever

Terry at a soccer game for his kids would be terrifying

2:6

I’m in love with jake’s “why am i an idiot” face

Amy goes to holt screeching “captain” like he’s her dad, i need an amy prequel series, i love her

Rosa’s really backhanded at compliments it’s awesome

So cops hate lawyers and firepeople?? Who are they buddies with? (except for the criminals eh)

Whats a pow wow?

Is this a “season’s main human-mess that needs holt guidance” thing? First was jake, this feels like amy’s

2:7

When did holt get stabbed IN THE NECK??

gina get off on chaos like a demon she’s evil

precinct lockdown ep – all of those people are terrible and i hate them

why does terry’s wife not care about her brother being a dick?

2:8

Terry and amy waterboard themselves for some reason

So cops hate mailpeople too

Forgot holt had a gambling addiction

Coping stuff : holt workouts / terry self torture wtf? / gina meditation

Jake&rosa friendship is great

2:9

Holt wants bland ugly food, like how picky can you get

How is jake inviting teddy to come a proof of teddy being romantic?

Note to self : never go to a themed hotel they’re haunted

“pb&js are so simple a child could make them” makes me see neglected baby holt making himself food as best he could >> tie in with no dad baby holt thingy

Rosa got possessed by the devil

Lessons : CB > RH cooking stuff (epic fail)

Wheres the award for the most awkward double date ever?

2:10

Doug judy’s back

Jake has no ability to hold grudges?

Doug judy’s got real nice teeth

Amy stand up to holt, holt likes

I’m not interested in the whole boyle/linetti storylines :/

2:11

Holt took all night to think of an insult for wunch but burns people left and right no problem >> my boy doesn’t actually hate her?? Omg is this some weird non-sexual game they play? Gross

Amy&rosa in a car for four hours? I need to see it

“uncle ray” talks about work so much even his NEPHEW knows who’s who. 1) was kev not there, because no cop talk policy 2) was he EFFUSIVE??

Most of what i’ve learnt from this watching session today is that i’m real hungry why do they keep eating

You know what’s inconspicuous? Two guys sitting in front of windows with massive cameras. Totes invisible

Jake&charles have a roomie breakdown, gina&amy have an existential crisis, terry is a mom and rosa&holt are ...there

Man i do NOT want to shag in my boss’ house, i mean rosa’s got her own flat, cmon

Kev making bacon smiles on his pancakes totes goes into my kev&holt get baby martin for holidays headcanon (see season one obsessive rewatch)

“this isn’t my first rodeo” jake abt dealing w/ scully >> fits into baby jake shadowing scully for junior cops thingy (also in s1 obsessive rewatch)

“brothers fight but they’re always there for each other” says the only child (fun fact, only jake and gina are only kids (except for maybe terry cause i can’t remember))

2:12

I love the amy drunkenness scale

A fondue stick in a fanny pack sounds like a disaster waiting to happen

Beachhouse w/ the boss episode

Amy&gina&terry get paired up lots

Why didn’t they turn the holt party into a movie night??

Au where boyle is a seduction coach

Gina turned not-evil for a second

2:13

Amy’s def of partner : bounce ideas, eat street meat & stake out, burnt coffee

Jake hasnt been to the dentist in seven years (at this point i’m thinking he was kidnapped and doesnt remember his season one dentist trip)

“it’s payback time” to the drug dealer who killed all of jake’s family

Gina’s got two grandmas

Charles want to have a bowling business

How do terry’s biceps have their own biceps???

Holt likes the name todd, didnt he have an ex called todd?

Isn’t yahooanswers dead? How does jake know stuff now?

2:14

If s1 is parenting Jake and teaching Amy independence, is s2 about parenting Amy and bonding with Rosa through evil humour?

Jake tells terry he loves sofia??

Rosa’s enemy marker-hoarder carla biancci in 2nd grade turned bully till grad

Jake tells sofia he loves her

Gina being a dick after saying something true – a trend?

Charles’ dad was a florist and now i want a classic flower shop romance

Sofia breaks up ouchhh

Eww gross wunch kissed holt i need brainbleach

Charles doesnt think his dad loves him?

2:15

Rosa’s parents are “smiley morons & hug freaks”. Did not seem like it in the coming out episode?

Second massive cop lasertag game thingy

Holt confused face implies he never saw titanic

Note to self try to make a blondie sometime

Holt apologises the next day for trying to disqualify gina from pers.test >> did kevin tell him his type didn’t fit him?

Gina thinks holt flirts with her so she’s a wunch but on their side?

2:16

“if u love s/o u’ll remember what they look like” but KEVIN HAS A PORTRAIT MATE

Oh this is the “i’m sorry you weRE STABBED” episode

I want marvin the geriatric bank robber to be buddies with gina??

Im lowkey upset that kevs buddies with gina tho, he’s not evil enough

Ray talks about jake to random waitresses and his painting teacher

Okay i get it, amy and charles are too simpy, rosa’s too unhinged, we don’t talk about hitchcock and scully, terry’s got his own shit, so that only leaves gina and jake and it cannot be jake, so. Yeah okay gina and kev are buddies

Ray called jake a genius just cause he heard him practice his holt impression, how cute

2:17

Jake’s a creepy girl stalker?? Poor jenny gildenhorn

Rosa has a grandad

Amy plays french horn

Jake answers amy’s proposal with “yes a thousands times yes”

MARCUS DVRs BONES THE HOLTCOZNER BEDROOM WEIRD DVR QUEUE SOLVED EXCEPT WHYS HE IN THEIR ROOM??

2:18

Dickhead peralta shows up, i hate him :(

Holt’s “unsolvable” riddle “There are 12 men on an island. 11 weigh exactly the same amount, but one of them is slightly lighter or heavier. You must figure out which. The island has no escapes, but there is a seesaw. The exciting catch? You can only use it three times.”

Jakes allergic to bees and dickhead knows about it

I’d go on a sudoku cruise too amy

Honestly this riddles fucking easy im so angry

Amy’s right tho, you do 6v6, one side’s heavier, then you divide that one 3v3, one side’s heavier, you do 1v1 and either they’re equal and the last one’s the heaviest or one of them’s already the heaviest

I cannot tell you how infuriated i get everytime im reminded of dickhead peralta’s later character arc.

2:19

s/o framing jake as druggie

spoiler its sofias druggie bossman

holt : “sarcasm the cowards lie” ouch

oh yeah also terry and holt missed ginas dance thing and shes upset

and also charles gotta work with the two giant babies

2:20

Jakes unhealthy obsession with his job episode 40 of 40

Rosa&holt scheming to avoid personal chats, relatable

Rosas dads a teacher, two sisters

2:21

Jake and amy have a crush on the same guy till the guy likes amy and jake likes amy more

Terrys looking into a new job and boyle gina holt get weird about it

2:22

Jakes on a treasure hunt, terry’s looking into a school for his kids again?

Holt v wunch 1946th time

Bingpot

The velvet thunder is probs thor’s more dramatic second cousin

2:23

Wunch got holt transfered sad face

Rosa’s bday

Wunch being incredibly sexual-harrassy again

Rosa likes gilmore girls

Weird sex thing from wunch again geez

Rayray does the robot yay. Dude was there a cancel-scare?

[lunarsilver]

A letter from your next romantic partner. Pick a card reading

A little more intuitive reading this time. I've pulled some cards and charms and then went with the flow. Let's see what your next romantic partner would write in a letter! Pick a pile you're the most drawn too.

The pictures are edited fragments of paintings by Gustave Jean Jacquet.

REMEMBER

I'm not a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist nor a psychologist. Tarot readings will never replace meetings with them.

It's a general reading, so not everything will resonate.

If you can't choose between two piles, probably both of them have some messages for you. You can also not identify with any of them and that's okay too.

Readings can help you make a decision, but they shouldn't be the main reason of making it.

1 ~ 2 ~ 3

PILE 1

Sweetheart,

It was not easy. We were like those knights in shining armors, we fought with all our might. The battle is dirty, the battle is difficult, brutal. But we came out victorious. They all admire us, their attention is focused on us. They wonder how we did it, and that's because we're together. I'm sure they envy me you. We are a power couple.

Can't wait the moment you'll see the bouquet I bought you. It is made of many flowers. I even tried to learn about the language of flowers, to be romantic. Hope I didn't mix up anything. It would be a little awkward. But at least we would have something to recall in our memory, right?

How about a vacation? Some nice trip ... Maybe we can go to the water, take a boat trip? Tell me what you wish for, I would like to make your dream come true.

It is not always easy, and sometimes we feel sad. But I want this rain, this downpour, to turn into soft, white, clear snow. Time for change, time to break free from whatever does not serve us, for a fresh start. I want to take this new path with you.

I'm waiting for you.

PILE 2

Honey,

Your beautiful smile makes my life sweet. I love the sparkle in your eyes. It was difficult for me, I had to rest, glue my heart together. Now I have stopped and think. I think about me, about you, about us. I look inside myself. Heart, mind, liver. Every organ of mine is focused on you right now.

I am a fox and you are a moon. You illuminate the darkness for me, let me find my way, not go astray. I look in your direction, I walk. I want to catch up with you, but you are so far. I dream about you. And I know you may not fully trust me, I'm a fox after all, I can be a little selfish. Perhaps I am sending ambiguous signals, hiding, acting, so as not to get hurt... kinda like Nick from Zootopia. What are you thinking about? Eh, why does the moon have to be so mysterious?!

It was a good evening, my dear. I had a lot of fun admiring your brilliance. Let's do it again sometime. I know I'm not perfect. Sorry. But I'll stop it. I will work on myself. I will cut ties, cut myself off from bad behavior and negative thoughts. After all, a fox has fangs and teeth for something, right? I know we can weather every storm together. You can see a rainbow after the rain.

I'm running to you. Maybe the fox will eventually catch the moon.

PILE 3

Hello, my sun!

You turned my world upside down. Honestly? I'm not even angry. From this new perspective, everything looks different, but better at the same time. As if enlightenment suddenly rained down upon me. I wonder if there's any light coming out of my head, hah! Although it is probably not mine, but yours, after all, you are the sun… I can see you even when I close my eyes. You shine so bright.

I will love you till my death. It sounds lofty, but never say never. I love you to the madness. Crazy people aren't crazy, they're in love, don't you think? Have you read "The Master and Margarita"? They could be together forever and ever, so we can too. Margarita flew across the night sky and did everything to get the Master out of his "cell", as you did with me. You opened me up. It's the end of fear. End of anxiety. After all, we are together, nothing will separate us.

This is the moment. The moment when everything changes. The moment when I feel wonderful. They say, "Aim for the moon, because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." And I hit the moon. It was sad, it was hard, but thanks to you, I discovered something new about myself and now I am recovering after a harder period. You shine so bright. Look at the sky. Which star is shining the brightest? Now multiply its radiance by infinity.

Let's party. Let's dance. Let's be the last couple left on the dance floor.

[winterromanov]

AU idea- college athlete Bucky and he’s really popular and all that but very sweet and he meets this girl who’s sweet and a little quiet in one of his classes and he just keeps trying to be around her, study with her, buy her coffee and she likes him but she’s just like.... why is this cute popular boy paying attention to me lol

pairing: bucky x reader (also SUPER tempted to do a part two of this, let me know if you’re interested)

You recognise the guy staring at you from across the table in your Russian lit tutorial. You recognise him because everyone knows Bucky Barnes, the football star, certified big name on campus and best friend of fellow football star Steve Rogers. He’s the guy that every girl on your corridor gossips about, the one all the professors love, the one who gets hundreds of likes on his Instagram pictures.

(You don’t follow him but you have to admit, you’ve scrolled through his feed a few times. Just to see what the fuss is all about, you know. And you know. Boy, you know.)

You’ve never actually interacted with him before because your circles aren’t the kind that usually interlink, but now you’re sat in a seminar on Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, and Bucky Barnes is definitely staring at you.

When your eyes eventually flicker up from your laptop--just to double check you’re not making it all up, that he’s not looking at the much prettier girl next to you--he grins, pen between his teeth. Your cheeks involuntarily catch fire and you deliberately snap away. Because this is Bucky Barnes you’re talking about, who dated Natasha Romanoff in his freshman year before it all very publically...fell apart. Who could have literally any girl he wanted worshiping at his high-tops. Who would never look at a girl like you because, well. 

You’re you.

-

You’re trying to buy coffee in the campus shop next to the library when he actually speaks to you directly for the first time. Emphasis on the word trying, because you left your damn purse at home and Apple Pay is not being your friend and you can feel yourself getting more and more embarrassed the longer the cashier has to wait. You eventually resort to rummaging round your backpack for loose change in order to pay the poor guy, but an arm with a contactless debit card reaches out and beeps the payment through for you.

“I’ll get a latte to go, please, Mario.” 

“Of course. Anything for you, Mr Barnes.”

It’s Bucky Barnes. Of course it’s Bucky Barnes--only someone like him would take the time to know the server by name. He’s wearing his faded red Columbia jersery and a baseball cap. His grin is kinda crooked and yes, yes you know it’s one of the many reasons all the girls go wild for him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you say, stepping aside so he can go to the front of the queue. He merely shrugs. “Here--let me pay you back, I know I’ve got a couple of dollars in here somewhere...”

He shakes his head as he taps his card once again, the server handing him his latte in a reusable mug with a wink. “Don’t worry about it. Honestly, your idea about interior monologue in Anna Karenina in Ivan’s class the other day actually inspired my paper, so I do owe you one.”

You blink, kinda dumbstruck at the thought of Bucky Barnes remembering any input you’d given in class. Or anyone remembering any input you’d given in class. “You liked my point?”

“Oh, yeah.” Bucky sips his coffee, grimacing slightly as the liquid burns his lips. “Tolstoy finding humour in death. It’s so dark and beautiful. All your points, actually--you see a lot in literature than I’ve never picked up on in a first reading.”

“I...Uh. Well. Thank you.” You’ve always been quite reserved in class, scared to say anything in case it’s stupid or outlandish and the other students laugh at you. In reality you know it’s you being paranoid, but old habits die hard. 

Bucky looks at his watch before hissing a profanity under his breath. “Gotta run. Cold War study group across campus in three minutes. Catch you later?”

He phrases it like a question rather than a generic add on, a necessity of politeness. His blue eyes look at you expectantly, actively waiting for you to reply.

(They’re so blue, his eyes. Blue like the sky in the summer back home, bright and cloudless and stared at from a meadow.)

“Yeah, of course! See you in class.” You raise your coffee cup sheepishly in his eyeline. “And thanks for the coffee.”

And like that he vanishes, bustling out the door and stepping purposefully in the opposite direction as the sun blazes on his back.

-

You see his backpack before you see him, slammed down on the bench next to you in the lecture hall. He sits down with a long exhale of breath, like he’s ran here--this time he’s dressed in sportswear so you assume he’s been to the gym. Veins ripple and flex up his ridiculously toned arms. Being a football hero probably does that to you.

“Crime and Punishment,” he says, instead of a greeting. “What did you think?”

You smile, spreading your hand across the heavily annotated and dog-eared copy you have in front of you. “Long, dark, often psychologically challenging, but ultimately an interesting perspective on nihilism. And you?”

“Oh.” He nods in faux seriousness. “I thought much the same. Reckon I’d like to go for a beer with Dostoevsky.”

“That would be an interesting encounter.”

Bucky rests his laptop and his copy of the book on the bench and looks as though he might say something else until the professor enters the room, hushing the hall to silence. When the lights dim so you can see the projector, you wonder if Bucky can hear how furiously your heart beats in your chest.

-

After than, some sort of unspoken agreement develops wherein every Russian literature class, his place is a spot next to you. You always seem to arrive first--he’s always rushing from somewhere--but he clocks you and instinctively walks over, sliding into a chair adjacent to your own. The conversation is usually the same. Always about the books.

You’re not sure what any of it means but you’ve somehow found a friend in the famous Bucky Barnes, and people start to notice.

“Since when have you and Bucky been so close?” Wanda Maximoff asks as you queue for the canteen lasagna, the flourescent bar lights doing nothing for the food presentation. “My brother is in your lit class and he says you two sit together a lot.”

You shrug, spooning lasagna onto your plate. “We just sit together.”

“You don’t just sit together with Bucky Barnes, (Y/N). That’s not a thing that happens.”

“Honestly, Wanda, we just talk about books.”

Wanda narrows her eyes, swiping her meal card at the end of the belt. “Sure, okay. I believe you. For now.”

She has to believe you, because you know what she’s insinuating. And when you look across the canteen and see Bucky laughing with Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson and his ex girlfriend Natasha Romanoff, you know this cute, handsome boy and his often insightful observations of Russian texts are so far out of your league that it’s kind of embarrassing.

-

so, (y/n). what did you think of the master and margarita?

i think pilate suffering for his sins for two thousand years is pretty rough tbh

but he deserves it?

i mean. probably. his suffering is necessary for the redemption arc

just what i was going to say. obviously.

see you tomorrow :)

-

“Do you want to come to a party?” 

Bucky asks you this as you come out of your seminar on Chekov’s Uncle Vanya and, admittedly, it kind of knocks you off guard. When you lamely blink back at him blankly, he decides to elaborate.

“It’s my friend Sam’s birthday. It’s just at our dorm--should be fun. Although we’re very competitive when it comes to beer pong, so beware.” His smile is wistful but he quickly comes back to earth, falling in step with you as you walk along the hall. “So what do you say? You interested?”

“You’re inviting me to a party?” you reply, as this is a very big step in your friendship. This is assuming he’d happily see you outside of class amongst his equally popular and attractive friends.

“Yeah, I think so,” he laughs bemusedly, pausing at the door that leads to the quad. He has his Cold War class across campus. “(Y/N), I’d really like you to come.”

You look at him and expect him to reveal this--him--as a joke, but he’s earnest and certain and honest, with an almost shy smile on his face. His eyes are hidden by his usual cap but you know the colour of blue so well by now. And not just because you’d zoomed in on his Facebook photo in a moment of ridiculous late-night longing.

(You follow him on Instagram now, too, but only because he followed you first. You were still too uncertain to initiate it, worried that he’d ignore you.)

“Okay,” you say, swallowing nervously. Wondering if this might be a mistake. That you’d turn up and no-one there would like you. “Who else will be there?”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll introduce you.” He pauses, chewing his lip for a second, before gesturing at the door. “I’ve got class, so I’ll...I’ll see you later.”

Your hands tighten round the straps of your backpack. “See you later, Bucky.”

-

Bucky shares a floor with Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers at a block about a ten minute walk from your own, and you use the walk in the chill New York air to calm your jangling nerves. You’re wearing your favourite navy blue dress and have braided your hair and made an effort with your makeup--and you’re not totally sure what for, what you’re expecting. You’re just the quiet girl in Bucky Barnes’ literature class. You don’t know how it got to this.

You’re too awkward to press the buzzer so you message Bucky to let him know you’re outside. Scrolling through your Facebook inbox, your messages have become...quite frequent. Especially at night. You lie on your bed and frantically type until the early hours, only realising it’s 3am before it’s too late.

That’s what friends do, right? Friends. 

(God, you’re so fucking in love with him, aren’t you?)

Bucky’s on the edge of a laugh when he answers the door, but his expression falters into muted surprise as soon as he lays eyes on you on his doorstep. A silly gold party hat is positioned at an angle over his head.

“(Y/N),” he says, and you flush, because the way he says your damn name. He steps aside so you can step in under his arm. “I’m glad you came. Finished The Idiot yet?”

“Onto the last fifty pages.” His house is decked out with balloons and paper chains and the loud pumping of a bass stereo carries from the lounge, alongside the chatter of laughing of guests. You recognise Columbia’s only archer and Olympic hopeful Clint Barton rush up the stairs, holding the hand of a brown haired girl. Bucky rolls his eyes at him and yells already? “I think it might be one of my favourites on the module.”

He leads you through to the kitchen which is empty other than various bottles of alcohol on the table and Natasha Romanoff sitting on the counter. Her red hair hangs effortlessly across her shoulders, lips painted scarlet, wearing a classy black jumpsuit. Natasha Romanoff makes you feel nervous because a) she’s the kind of girl you could never be and b) she’s the kind of girl Bucky Barnes dates. She’s sipping rose out of a wine glass, her eyes discretely looking you up and down.

“Is this the famous (Y/N)?” Natasha asks, her tone intrigued, her lips curved. Bucky laughs bashfully, scratching the back of his head. “Honestly, this guy doesn’t stop talking about you.”

“Sorry?” you gape, looking between her and him. Bucky sends Natasha a glare that signals for her to shut up which only makes her more amused by the situation, leaning back casually. “Uh, I don’t know--”

“Ignore her. She’s insatiable.” Bucky quickly swerves, pressing a glass into your hand. “Would you like a drink? We have pretty much everything imaginable. Natasha has plenty of wine she’d love to share.”

Natasha is totally unaffected, already looking at her mobile phone. She flicks a hand at a line of bottles next to the microwave. “Feel free, honey.”

You’re not a big drinker as you don’t often frequent cool college parties and you’ve been drunk a grand total of one time after one too many glasses of champagne on new year’s eve. Bucky seems to see this in your face.

“You don’t have to drink, obviously,” he says kindly, “But if you mix a bit of soda with rose it actually tastes kinda nice. Much better than beer, anyway.”

“Okay,” you nod, letting him mix the drink for you. He’s remarkably careful, pouring the tiniest amount from one of Natasha’s bottles and topping it up with sprite. He grabs a beer for himself, cracking off the lid with his teeth.

“You know you’re not impressive when you do that,” Natasha says drolly, even though she hasn’t looked up from her phone.

“(Y/N) was impressed,” Bucky says with a wink. You try and keep straight-faced but yeah, come on. You were.

“Of course she was impressed,” Natasha interjects, “You’re both stupidly in love with each other but too polite to make a move.”

Bucky flips her off before pressing a gentle hand in the small of your back, ushering you away from her. “She’s drunk.”

“I’m not drunk!”

You sip your drink, wondering if your palms will ever stop sweating. Natasha can’t be right. She isn’t right. Or is she? No, she can’t be, because this is Bucky Barnes and you’re you.

-

Bucky’s friends are actually kinda nice. Really nice, in fact. You’ve always been intimidated by Steve Rogers’ reputation on campus but he might be one of the sweetest guys you’ve ever met, instantly welcoming and eager to get you involved with the games he’s beginning to set up. Sam Wilson is bold and blunt, but he grins mischievously and gives Bucky a pointed look when he introduces you and snaps a party hat to your head. In various corners of the apartment you see people you vaguely recognise from school, names burning at the edges of your memory but ultimately escaping you. 

Steve sets up the table for beer pong and Bucky clutches your wrist, beckoning you over to play (and cutting short your conversation with a very interesting business major called Pepper). Steve and Sam are on one side while you and Bucky are apparently on the other--Steve’s positioned himself so he’s directly in view of a British exchange student with big eyes on the other side of the room. 

(Aside from your own, you’re actually pretty observant when it comes to potential romantic encounters.)

“Just so you know,” Sam stares hard at the two of you, pointing with two fingers, “It’s my birthday, so I have to win. It’s the rules.”

“I don’t think you have to worry,” you reply, looking up at Bucky. His expression is warm, his arms desperately close to yours. “I’m probably going to be pretty rubbish at this.”

“Buck’s a good teacher,” Steve says, grabbing a ping-pong ball and handing it over to Sam. He rolls it between his fingers, his face scrunched in mock seriousness. “But we’ve all had plenty of practice.”

“Too much practice, arguably,” Bucky drawls. “And Wilson, don’t you think for one second that (Y/N) and I are going to let you win under any circumstances.”

“I don’t need you to let me win,” Sam says, before perfectly throwing the ball into one of the cups near the front. He stands back smugly, crossing his arms over his chest, as the rest of the room whoops. “I think you’ll find I possess the skills for victory, fair and square.”

You laugh as Bucky rolls his eyes, picking up the plastic cup filled halfway with lukewarm beer. He keeps eye contact as he knocks the whole thing back, wiping his lip emphatically once he’s done. “That’s it. The game is on.”

-

Admittedly, it get’s to a point where it’s pretty close. You almost visibly bristle as Bucky tries to show you the ropes, positioning your hips with his hands and following your aim as you try (and often fail) to pit the ball in one of the opposite team’s plastic cups. Whenever you score he yelps dramatically, high-fiving you, and his grin is borderline magical.

(Natasha watches bemusedly from the sidelines, making dry comments here and there. It’s like she’s checking you out for herself. Assessing you.)

It get’s to the point where there is only one cup left on either side and the tension is palpable. Limbs are floppier from downing liquor, the aim repeatedly more off--your stomach is warm and your feet feel light--and Bucky’s palms ghost your waist as you concentrate on what could be the winning put. Sam and Steve try and distract you by dancing ridiculously to an ABBA track playing out the speakers, but Bucky’s words of encouragement are what filter through. You take a deep breath and throw, only exhaling when your ball lands with a triumphant plop in the central solo cup.

Bucky throws his fist in the air before grabbing you and spinning you round, his laugh ecstatic in your ear. You cling onto his neck, your fingers barely millimeters from entangling in his hair, before he plants you down on the ground again. Well. You think you’re on the ground. You might as well be in the clouds.

“A round of applause for the winning shot,” Bucky says, holding your hand and lifting your arm so you can take your bow (which you do with pleasure). Steve and Sam pretend to be reluctant, but they clap anyway.

“I’ll allow it, this once, (Y/N),” Sam answers bemusedly, coming round to the other side of the table. “But if you try and upstage me on my birthday again there will be consequences.”

You feel more confident now, more like these people are your friends. So you grin, feeling the magnetic pull of Bucky to his side from next to you. “I’ll try not to. Promise.”

Sam hums, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder. “Come on, Barnes. You can go mix me a drink.”

Bucky shrugs, asking if you want anything from the kitchen while he’s on his way there, but you shake your head. You’re happy right now with what you have.

-

Natasha approaches you while you’re waiting outside the bathroom. Someone--you think he’s called Rhodey--emerges and offers you a salute and you’re about to go in, but Natasha grabs your hand and pulls you in with her and locks the door behind you.

You’re so astonished you’re not sure what to say. She brushes the hair away from her neck, back facing you.

“I need someone to unzip me,” she declares like it’s obvious, indicating towards the zipper halfway down her back. “Do you mind?”

“No,” you blink, hand nimbly reaching forward to drag the zipper down her back. Even her back is flawless, like porcelain, a tattoo of what looks like a spider curling up from her waist. “Of course not, no.”

She sits on the toilet unabashedly and doesn’t ask you to look away but of course, you do, because this whole situation feels very strange indeed. The wall is plain and blue and spotted with mildew, probably damp from the shower. Like all student accommodation. It feels weird looking at damp while Natasha Romanoff, beautiful as she is, literally pees behind you.

“I care about Bucky a lot,” she says suddenly, “I’ve known him a long time. Way before college, way before we--dated. I love him, but not in the way you think. And I know what he’s like, what the signs are.”

You shift your feet uncomfortably. “The signs of what?”

She audibly sighs out of frustration. “Honestly, it sounds like you’re both as bad as each other. I know--I know when he’s falling for somebody. You’d think, I know you think, that somebody like him...he’d have no problem with it. And maybe if he cared a little less and felt less intensely he wouldn’t.”

“I’m not sure...”

The toilet flushes. Natasha rises and turns back to you and you dutifully zip her back up while she washes her hands, looking at your reflection in the mirror. When you’re stood side by side like this it really does emphasise the differences between you, but also the similarities. She’s a girl. So are you. Girls, despite what every atom of her being exudes. 

“You know exactly what I mean, (Y/N).” She smiles crookedly, wiping her hands on a towel. “Just--treasure him, yeah? He deserves it. I get a feeling you both do.”

She doesn’t look back at you as she leaves, closing the door behind her.

-

Bucky gives you one of his old football jerseys to walk home in because it’s past midnight and you didn’t bring your own. He also insists on walking you home. And you feel nervous, not just because you’re alone with him for the first time this evening, but also because Natasha’s words circle the back of your mind like a tape cassette stuck on loop. You know exactly what I mean, (Y/N).

“Can I ask you something?” you question, arms crossed as your steps echo on the sidewalk. The street is surprisingly deserted--it’s usually crowded with students, all sorts. Tonight, it is quiet.

Bucky looks over at you quizzically, but intrigued. “Yeah. Shoot.”

“Why me?” When he looks perplexed, you laugh awkwardly and continue on. “Connie Taylor is in our Russian lit class, too, and she’s way prettier than me and like...she’s been trying to get you to notice her all semester and yet.” You scrunch your nose as you look up at him, examining his features. His jawline. The hair that falls into his eyes. His naturally flushed cheeks. The party hat he’s yet to take off. Him. Him him him. “You always come to me.”

He bites the inside of his cheek. “Connie Taylor seems perfectly nice. But Connie isn’t you. I like you.” You arrive at the door of your block and he pauses, shoes scuffing into the ground. “She’s not prettier than you, or smarter than you, or any of the reasons you’ve inevitably thought in your head as to why you think she’s more deserving of anything than you. And I find it vaguely insulting that because...I don’t know, play football, that I could only be interested in one kind of person.”

You look away. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“No, I know.” He steps closer so that the toes of your shoes are almost touching. His hand searches in the darkness for your own. Squeezing your small fingers between his, scarred and scraped from football practice. “(Y/N), I like you because you’re funny and kind and intelligent. I like it when you message me about books, I like it when you save me a seat in lectures, I like it when you explain every single point you make so everyone in the class can understand it. I like so many things about you, and you need to get it out your head that because you’re not Connie Taylor that this can’t be true.”

“No-one ever notices me, Bucky,” you murmur quietly, “And I don’t say that for sympathy, or whatever. I say that because that’s how it’s always been.”

You both stare into each other and for one agonising, aching moment you think he might let go of your hand, snuff every spark out like a candle. But instead--instead he ducks in, covering your lips in a soft post-midnight kiss, his mouth warm and tasting faintly like beer. He snatches the breath from your lungs.

“Do you believe me now?” he whispers, hands curving round your jaw. You want to close your eyes, remember this feeling forever. Trap it all in a polaroid. “You are so fucking special. Everyone but you can see it, and it’s so frustrating.”

You kiss his palm, letting your lips linger on his skin for a moment longer. “Thank you for inviting me tonight. I had a really great time.”

His smile is faint but there, nonetheless. “I knew you would. I hope this means you’ll be willing to come out with me again sometime.”

“I think I would like that.”

He unravels from you, not before ducking in for one last sweet, beautiful kiss. “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

“‘Night, Bucky.”

Your hands remain clasped together until he’s far enough away from you, dropping your hand and grinning as he’s eventually lost in darkness. You have to hover for a second with your keycard in your hand, trying to gather your thoughts, process the events of the evening. Bucky Barnes like you. He likes you, not in spite of you, but because you’re you.

When you collapse on your bed you map the constellations of cracks on your ceiling, your heart thumping and your mind almost one hundred percent him.

-

“you and i, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to Earth together, to see if we know what we were taught.”

y/n. it’s 2am and doctor zhivago is making me cry.

also sam has made me drink sambuca

i wish i was crying over russian books with you

even though ur probably asleep

that’s cool

hope ur having sweet dreams

:)

miss you

-

my masterlist

send me a request

[turning-the-frigging-frogs-gay]

Underneath The Spotlight- A Sanders Sides Fic

Taglist: @sophiexteresa

Ask if you would like to be added!

Chapter 12- The Most Stressful Twenty Seconds of Patton’s Life So Far

(Read chapter 1 here!)

(Read here on ao3!)

Warnings: Nausea, anxiety, stress, mentions of food, cursing, caps

A/N: this is it folks! Everyone wish Patton good luck, he’s gonna need it

Patton swore he was about to be sick. Waiting in the wings for the first of his back-to-back dances, wearing his next costume underneath his current one, not even Janus’ arms around his waist and soothing voice in his ears could calm his nerves. His breathing became erratic as he felt tears well in his eyes. Janus took his face in his hands.

“Here now, it’s ok. Don’t cry, your makeup will run.”

Patton violently shook his head. “Janus I can’t do this. It’s gonna fail, and I’m gonna miss my next dance, and all that hard work will be for nothing-“

“Patton Hart, you listen to me. Everything is going to be fine. I am here, and I will get you through this.”

Patton nodded but didn’t seem convinced, but it was too late for Janus to try and comfort him any further as suddenly the sound of applause filled Patton’s ears. Janus hugged him tight.

“I’ll meet you round the other side of the stage. Good luck, darling.”

Patton nodded as Janus left him. He truly was in this alone now. This had to go perfectly. It was now or never.

Patton pushed all his fears and anxieties down as the music began, plastering on a big smile as he walked on stage, ready to attack this energetic and fast-tempo dance with everything he had. He’d always enjoyed the more upbeat dance styles, they were much easier for someone of his short stature. Because he was so small, he struggled with the more lyrical and graceful styles- he only really enjoyed ballroom due to being partnered with Janus, he had no idea how dancers like Roman made it look so easy. This routine, however, was more up Patton’s street- it was extremely fast-paced and incorporated elements of jive with lots of kicks and leaps- it was probably one of Patton’s favourites he had ever danced... it would be great if all this impending anxiety and dread could just give it a rest. Patton’s stamina had significantly improved since he started rehearsing this routine, although it still wasn’t anywhere near on the level of Roman’s, Patton knew that wasn’t the real reason his heart rate began steadily climbing towards the second half of the routine. He performed the final steps and beamed out to the audience as he struck the final pose, taking in the sound of applause with pride. But as soon as the lights fell all of that collapsed, and he sprinted off stage faster than he’d ever ran in his life.

Janus, Remus, Virgil and a few others were gathered around a chair waiting for him, each holding an accessory for his next costume. Patton dove into the seat, holding out his arms and legs as about six people swarmed his vision, and he felt his shoelaces loosen and his shoes fall off.

“Virgil, take off his bowtie!”

“Who’s got his hat?!”

“Put on that other shoe!”

“Careful with his makeup!”

“Tie it faster!”

“Hurry up!”

“We can’t stall the music much longer-“

“Five seconds!”

The only coherent thought Patton managed to have throughout this process was “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone tie shoes so fast in my life...” When he was in it to help one of his friends, Remus always pulled it out of the bag. Tying dance shoes at hyperspeed was apparently one of his hidden talents.

A tap on the shoulder from Janus signalled to Patton that he was ready to go, and as he arrived in the wing ready for his next dance, looking himself up and down to give his costume a final check, it dawned upon him that he was actually early. He strolled out onto the stage, beaming with pride, ready to dance his heart out once again. Before arriving in his position on stage, he locked eyes with Roman (also in this dance) for a split second who grinned at him and seemed to say “you made it!” And Patton grinned back. Transforming his outfit in twenty seconds, mastering the art of telepathy, Patton seemed to have achieved it all on that night. What had once seemed impossible, helped by his amazing friends, somehow, he had managed it. And now, once again, he was doing what he loved, performing amazing dance routines on a grand stage. Patton had never felt more on top of the world...

Upon return to the dressing room, Patton launched himself at Janus, babbling words of thanks into his shoulders. Janus merely said.

“Don’t mention it, Patton. It was my pleasure to help you, my love. I couldn’t have asked for a better dance partner these last few months.”

Patton beamed up at him.

“Me either. I love you too.”

Janus suddenly looked as if struck by an idea.

“You know what you deserve?”

Patton tilted his head to the side, giving that damn innocently curious look he’d given all those months ago when Janus had first taught him the waltz, when he’d first fallen in love with him. He gave the smaller boy a fond smile.

“Pizza.”

Patton’s face lit up in a bright smile and he began clapping his hands together at some impossible frequency. Then his face fell a little.

“Aww, Janus that’s such a sweet idea, and I am a little hungry but I don’t think we’re allowed to-“

But it was too late, Janus was already phoning the pizza place.

“Hello, can I place an order please?... could I have two margaritas, two vegetarians, one with ham and pineapple... for the tasteless gremlin over here,” Janus mumbled, giving Remus a derogatory glance, “and...” Janus placed his hand over the microphone to call across the dressing room

“Hey Roman what kind of pizza do you want?”

There was currently a full-scale operation going on across the room to get both twins ready for a dance, Roman turned away from the mirror for a second to shout “Pepperoni please!” before bolting it out of the dressing room towards the stage.

Janus picked up the phone again. “And one with pepperoni please. Oh, delivery address... uhm... you can just bring it to the theatre foyer. Yes, the theatre. Yeah, the big one in the town square. No, this isn’t a prank! I just want pizza!”

Patton chuckled into his sleeve as Janus began to look frustrated.

“Thank you, have a nice evening.” Janus hung up. “Should be here in just over twenty minutes... that should be basically straight after the show finishes.”

“We’ll have to get to the foyer quickly, then.”

“We’ll work something out-“

“LOGAN HELP I CAN’T GET MY SHOE ON!”

“Remus what the hell do you mean?”

“I CAN’T TIE IT UP THE LACE HAS SNAPPED!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S SNAPPED?!”

“I MEANT WHAT I SAID! LO YOU’VE GOTTA HELP!”

“REMUS KINGSLEY I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD-“

Patton and Janus watched the commotion unfold as Logan took the lace out of Remus’ shoe that was indeed completely snapped in half, while Virgil watched helplessly.

“How the fuck have you done that?!” Virgil asked.

“Lecture me later, this is kinda time sensitive!” Remus yelled. He was somehow never ready for his dances in time, despite him having much fewer of them compared to Roman.

“We’re about the same size, just bloody take mine,” said Janus, throwing his left shoe across the room while Patton swore he heard Virgil say “yeet” under his breath. Logan caught it and gave it to Remus, before going to sit in his chair and lean his head against the mirror while pinching the bridge of his nose and taking deep breaths. Janus couldn’t help but laugh at this while Virgil helped Remus tie his laces before he raced out of the room, now wearing one of his own shoes and one of Janus’. Patton laughed out loud because now he could rest easy, with only a couple more dances to go and the promise of pizza afterwards, and the knowledge that he just did something he once thought to be impossible.

Next chapter

[mehenxe]

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ & ღ & ♫ bc ur a slut for music ; & ✮ (i want explanaTIONS ...gET META W THIS SHIT )

◈ — share some head-canons you have for a muse of your choosing, but x4.

[ elijah kane ] ◈ — all efforts to get him into studying how to make robotics like hyacinth have resulted in a lot of miniature woodland creatures able to sprint across desks. it’s not exactly what anybody had in mind, but hey, you never know if ilya might not want to send in an actual animal for something he has going on. they can call up sugar kane industries ( big face-palm here ) to take care of the job. ( wyatt voice: seriously, you couldn’t think of anything better than sugar kane. ) / hyacinth kane has a nice ring to it. elijah has tested out several different nicknames: sugar kane also for them, mistah k, ( missus k? ), cinthy ... cindy ... ( sean: yeah! cindy k! like cindy crawford! / who the fuck is cindy crawford? / wyatt — / how old are you. ) / he’s had a life-long dream to be able to go scuba-diving off the coast of — some exotic island he can’t remember the name of. beforehand, it was one of those things that he was too afraid to do, but full-out war changes your perspective. in truth, he’s always been a water baby, growing up going swimming in the local rivers and running pellmell down the dirt lanes. he grew out of it, and then grew back into it. whether or not he’s going to be able to do that without monroe tagging along ( and then by default, ilya, and then probably hojin will want to come, and then ravi will have to, and then oliver will want to watch over them and then jinho will buy a whole yacht with his dumb vampire money — ) — ah, well, there’s worse people to spend an extended holiday with. his father will come along too: sit on the deck in a lawn chair and drink a virgin margarita as he deserves after putting up with this whole extended family. and with his son being a you-know-what.

[ alice bedi ] ◈ — there was a time where she was interested in wigs. she had percival sit down on her shack’s bed and watch as she perused through at least fifteen different styles of wigs. each one got a firm head-shake: too rough on your complexion; lilac looks good as a colour, but the style is horrid; why did they think it was a good idea to make a bob that length? a tough customer. she returned back to wearing veils, her preferred style being that of mantilla, or the veil that’s worn to chapel over a jade comb. due to the volume and length of her natural curls, she rarely wears the combs at all, but will if it’s a particularly formal occasion, like that time she accompanied percival to a ‘high-society event.’ ( translation: they crashed a party because he was bored, and she had a bad feeling about him going alone. ) / as the local librarian’s assistant, she’s the first to get in the way when someone is overtly curious: why are you asking so many questions? hmm? the irony is that she herself asks just as many questions — she insists that the difference is: she reads the room and knows when it’s inappropriate to ask them. ( and if she knows it’s inappropriate to ask them, and instead chooses to risk asking them regardless, it’s because she knows it’ll smooth out in the end. / despite what she wears daily, one of her most favourite colours is moss green. there are a multitude of reasons. moss is her favourite foliage. it’s similar to algae, another favourite foliage. and it reminds her of someone who she says is her sister; however, anybody who knows her, knows that she has no blood-siblings. one or the other might be a lie, or both might be the truth. when she’s in a mood, she’ll smear the moss at the base of her neck like a perfume, a splotch of green beneath white.

[ huang shen ] ◈ — he designed an irrigation system to work, specific to his farm, to be able to make rice paddies despite the surrounding environment. it’s a southern crop in the united states, but there was no way he was going to move to the south just to expand the business. his entire family was so relieved about it that they danced through the sprinklers and set off fireworks — and none of them are really into that kind of thing. it’s particularly incredible due to the area they’re in, being very prone to sometimes too much drought and too much rain, and both are responsible for driving out selling numbers of crops. his plan is to switch into an agricultural degree, and perhaps even expand it into engineering, so that he can continue helping this way. / one of his surprises for algernon was learning sign language. for the longest time, months even, shen made it out like he had no idea what was being said, and let damien, as surly as ever, be the translator when algernon was unwilling or unable to speak. in the background, however, he was working with a tutor and seeking to understand better what it meant to be both HoH and mute. then, when algernon’s birthday came around, everyone went silent ( holy god he was so nervous ) and he gave an entire romantic, long speech entirely in sign language. he’s sure that some of it got lost in translation due to how hard his hands were shaking, but the way that algernon kissed him afterwards, it didn’t seem to affect much. now, they communicate constantly on this even ground. / he’s started up horseback riding again — and has roped tobias into doing it alongside him. tobias might have grace on the stage floor, but certainly not on the back of a horse; he somehow ended up upside-down beneath the horse’s belly, and then fell down in a tangle of limbs. shen has taken to the western side of things, re-learning how to barrel race and rope cattle; but he and tobias have had to separate their lessons due to these antics. lucas isn’t allowed to come to any of them; his stupid remarks send them into fits of laughing. ( bold of us to assume he doesn’t just sit in the truck and shout anyways. )

[ deok bae ] ◈ — due to the empire no longer supporting his upgrades, nor looking in his general direction, he has had to find other ways to obtain new modifications. this is including, but not limited to, going and pulling them out of other people’s bodies as catharsis — but usually, he defects to yuri and silas to fix him up. to his chagrin, the LED-light in his forehead has absolutely no use whatsoever, only displaying his brain’s processing as a symptom of installation. he pulled it out himself via the tip of a knife’s blade. the next time that he’s seen by those who haven’t seen him in quite some time, he might be unrecognisable. i am not deok bae — perhaps deok bae is no longer himself either. if there was no connection to eli in his head, he would forget that; perhaps he would merely succumb to the machinery, perhaps he would succumb to the wolf-dom. there are several pairs of teeth in his mouth awaiting for their moment to bite. / when he was a teen, his version of ‘sneaking out’ would be to wheel his chair to the gardens at the back of the temple, where he would sit and think for hours and hours. his father would come and find him there; sometimes, master jhcor would instead. his father would return him back to where he needed to be, but master jhcor would sit beside him and gaze serenely until bae felt the need to speak what was on his mind: his angers, his fevers, his rages. one time, he was surprised to see that it was not master jhcor, nor master deok, but zan coming to sit with him. his heart had sat in his throat the whole time, half-expecting zan to laugh at him or say something particularly piteous. instead, the conversation was — well, looking back, absurdly normal, all things considering. when bae blinked tiredly, zan rose and took the handles of his chair and took him back. he hadn’t intended to ask him to do so, but it was done anyway. / bae drinks a lot of soda. it’s somewhat fitting, if you believe all that talk about how coca-cola can double as a cleaner due to the high carbonation and way it’s made. he does seem to get shiny after several cans — it’s also convenient that he can’t experience sugar-highs nor malfunctions of the liver or stomach due to too much consumption. he considers himself to be a soda connoisseur as a result. he offers a lot of hmm, that’ll taste disgusting comments that annoy the shit out of the others — but then kisung takes a drink and bae ends up being right, so there’s no regrets.

ღ ━ favourite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?

there’s ... none that i dislike. there’s moments of come on, but that’s bound to happen. i think the favourite ships are the ... guardian / princess vibes ( whether it’s literal or not: akane / the samurai, quinn / sehrin, jian / elaine ). i also love the growing from previous immaturities towards each other ( grey / tobias, jihoon / wyatt, playboy / jordan ) — and himbos of course ( hojin / ravi!! ) there’s also the whole ... tsh, vampiric aesthetic that we get ( minzhe / yongha ) ... the ones like jisoo / mingfei, cyrian / ulysses, cadoc / pestilence ( exploring violence against but without the stickiness ). of course, if i keep going, i’ll end up listing all of them and then where would we be.

♫ ━ a small playlist for a muse of your choice

for nam jungsoo, because i actually once did make a playlist for him:

1. brand new — sic transit gloria ... glory fades 2. within temptation — what have you done 3. iamx feat. imogen heap — my secret friend 4. florence + the machine — shipwreck (the odyssey) 5. crown the empire — hologram

i mean, the songs are still kinda relevant considering his current character ...

✮ ━ top three favourite muses that you’ve played

but is it possible to pick three favourites ... that’s the real question. maybe. jianguo, because of catharsis, because of cultural exploration and similarities. grendel, because of the depth, the personal torment, the surrounding family. jinho & julius, because of exploring that darkness. and famine — man, now that’s something. there’s a lot more than three though. like blood and jisoo and tobias and arthur. but. the questions INSIST THAT I CHOOSE.

[woofools]

soft headcanons for Yo, Carl and Herman please?

Herman

what they smell like: Depends when you catch him. If it’s right after he finishes training, sweat. Right after/during battle, blood and dirt. Downtime, probably whatever the ant equivalent to aftershave would be.

what their favorite smells in the world are: Wood smoke, confectioneries, and steel.

what pajamas they wear/what they wear to sleep in: Robe and boxers (if he bothers with boxers in the first place… I dunno the “cartoon animal” aspect of this throws me off a little).

my favorite ship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them: Herman/Charles! (and you are entirely to blame for this, thank/curse you) Headcanon is that Charles helps Herman get ready for any public appearances he has to make (+ evil Sunday dinner). Makes sure his armor’s straight. Listens as Herman practices any speeches he might have to give. Makes sure he has everything he might need prepped and ready. Tells him things like “you look fantastic, sir.” Stuff like that.

my favorite friendship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them: HERMAN AND CARL NEED TO BE GET ALONG IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME. Headcanon is that despite… well, everything, Herman does have the capacity to get protective over Carl sometimes. The hypothetical catalyst to activate Herman’s Big Brother Instinct would be Carl showing romantic interest in someone. Herman would immediately be on the offensive, what’s this guy’s story, what does he want with Carl, is he going to take advantage of him and split, that whole thing. And Herman wouldn’t be above being as intimidating as he could to get to the bottom of things. (Carl doesn’t realize he’s actually trying to protect him with this; he thinks he’s bullying him again by trying to scare off the guy he likes.)

a song that reminds me of them: I’ve mentioned this before, but Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold.

what animal i think they would be if they were an animal: Mob boss.

what position they sleep in: On his back, starfished out.

their favorite drink: Either a steaming cup of black tea or soda. ANY soda. And okay, I get that Herman dislikes the stereotype of ants loving sugar, but have you ever left a soda outside in the summer? Maybe forgot about it for a few hours before finally coming back for it? Fuckin ANTS everywhere.

a gift i would give them if i could: A soda A hypoallergenic pillow sham.

Carl

what they smell like: Since Carl’s been called “prissy” a couple times in-series (which I’m pretty sure was meant as a thinly-veiled, slightly derogatory way to call him gay, which shame on you, Boyle, but anyway), I’d say most of the time he smells like soap. He gets called “prissy” because he doesn’t buy the MEN’S SOAP FOR MEN, since all the MEN’S soap smells like off-brand cleaner in his opinion. He’ll stick with a nice shea-butter, thanks.

what their favorite smells in the world are: Fruit or flower scented candles!

what pajamas they wear/what they wear to sleep in: Oversized t-shirt or he just takes off his cape? Same sitch as he brother really, I’m not sure.

my favorite ship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them: The closest I had for this was Carl/Yang, but I’d only kinda shipped that, and it had been after a long time of not watching the show. Having since done a thorough rewatch, I can confirm their dynamic is better as an older/younger sibling one. As the characters currently are in-show, at least, I stand by that their dynamic could be really cute once their age-gap closed up and they had time to develop with each other. But as it stands I guess I don’t currently have a ship for Carl?? Someone help me fix this. Workshop some scenarios with me.

my favorite friendship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them: I have… A LOT of fave friendships for Carl, mostly because I believe he deserves all of them. I’ll go with the forerunner and say “Yin and Yang” though. Headcanon is that, once they establish that they ARE friends, Carl goes full-on Older Brother on them. And not just when the chips are down or “special occasions” like Herman with him. One or both of the twins is sad? Carl’s here, come talk, he’ll get some ice cream, now’s the time for calories. Someone’s bothering them? NOT ON HIS WATCH, BITCH BEST STEP BACK. They’re excited about something? No promises he’ll understand what’s got them so hyped but he’ll do his absolute best to be supportive of it.

a song that reminds me of them: I’m likely just going to steal songs from what I’ve already talked about for all these guys, but the reprise of Waiting in the Wings from the Tangled series. Kills me.

what animal i think they would be if they were an animal: Grocery bagger (kid’s only like sixteen cut him some slack)

what position they sleep in: On his side half hugging his pillow.

their favorite drink: Virgin margarita. I can picture him having a budding interest in mixology for some reason.

a gift i would give them if i could: ALL MY LOVE AND SUPPORT. Also maybe some bath salts, I dunno, I feel like he’d like that.

Yo

what they smell like: Old Guy smell.

what their favorite smells in the world are: Food cooking (he’s not picky as to what’s cooking specifically, though he does have a preference to things like soups and roasts and - duh - soft pretzels) and guitar strings.

what pajamas they wear/what they wear to sleep in: We get a shot of him in a robe and pjs in Scarf It Up, but then he doesn’t seem to wear anything besides a sash most of the rest of the time. Soo I guess he wears standard pjs when he’s cold, or else doesn’t bother.

my favorite ship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them: Yo/Night Master!! Headcanon that- okay, so NM’s a bat right? When he’s particularly pleased, he’ll make high-pitched happy bat sounds. He hates it, and has managed to keep this particular factoid under wraps most of his life, but it’s Yo’s job to be a thorn in his side, so. for example petting his ears turns him into goo and turns him into a squeaking mess Since NM never gave him an actual name to call him by, Yo’s taken to almost exclusively calling him “Squeaker.”

my favorite friendship (if applicable) and a cute hc about them: Yin and Yang again. Headcanon that as they get closer they start up carving out time specifically to spend together. As in, non- master/student work time. They’ll get together to watch movies, or have a game night. Yin and Yang can now each successfully bluff at poker. Yo’s very proud.

a song that reminds me of them: Save Rock and Roll by Fall Out Boy.

what animal i think they would be if they were an animal: Blue collar worker who’s Tired.

what position they sleep in: Usually on his back, because if he sleeps on his side his hip starts bothering him.

their favorite drink: Rum and coke Coffee with some milk and sugar’s fine, thanks.

a gift i would give them if i could: Gift card to Pretzel Maker and hug.

[plasmael]

Luisa Torres for @daddy-winter ‘s Kaci

Aspiration: Master Actress

Traits: Self-Assured, Squeamish, Romantic

Job: Actor

About Luisa: 

She was born in Newcrest, but after when she started acting moved to Del Sol Valley. She is not the famous ever, but she got some pretty good gigs. For example she got a little part in the Game of Plumbobs. That was a huge thing. Her parents are very proud of Luisa and always fangirling for her. She has some latina vibes going on and has a little and weird spanish accent, but everyone loves it. She very hard working and confident, almost always achieve her goals. Therefore she has a very bad insect fobia, she always have some kinda spray to scare the bugs away (and she always smell like fresh lemon from it). Her romantic life is like dead, because she doesn’t have time for it in these days.(and basically this is the reason why she want to participate in this game now) Back in highschool the boys eyes was always on her..but oopise she is a lesbian. She had 2 girlfriend back then. Luisa is pretty romantic, love hot moments and flirts all the time. 

Funfacts:

her fashion style is chic and love the color blue

in her free time also loves to write random stories

a friendly and outgoing type

owns a cat called Nala

loves spicy foods (her mom’s Merguez is her favourite)

she loves to swim or jog in the mornings

give a margarita for her and she donee

says Coño instead of wtf

her favourite serie is Money Heist

Private download if chosen

I hope u like her!:)

[raccoonskoodilypoopdungeon]

“The Firebird Trilogy” by Claudia Gray: A Review from an Eighteen Year-Old Teenager Doing a Bachelor’s in Biology

"So does destiny create the math, or does math create our destiny?" "Insufficient data," Paul said.  

How did I get here?

So, my friend and I were talking, as friends do, and we went through this rabbit hole involving Powerpuff Girls Z and Zenith. And we came to the topic of A Thousand Pieces of You.

In short, we don’t like it. She stopped at this book. I continued because I was interested enough. That was a mistake. An generous 2/5.

And this isn’t like a thing where all of my friends disliked it. Only the two of us disliked it. Everyone else liked it.

I know I’m not the demographic. I’m not a white girl doing a Bachelor of Fine Arts. I’m asian doing a Bachelor of Science. But whatever.

Imma go into a full review.

Spoilers under the cut.

Good Things:

1. Dimensional Travel. It was the only thing that kept me reading.

2. A sort of exploration of Jean Paul Sartre’s Existence vs Essence

3. The cover art is really nice. It so good. Its like home decoration to me it’s so good.

4. Says “Capitalism is bad.” I like that.

Bad Things:

1. The Characters: Paul and Theo really like Margarita

- Marguerite Caine: I’m not like other girls

Margarita is our protagonist. She’s not like other girls.

We’re pretty different, for sisters—she’s average height while I’m tall; she’s athletic while I’m anything but. She inherited our parent’s love of science and is following in Dad’s footsteps by becoming an oceanographer; I’m the odd duck in the family, the artsy one. Josie’s laid-back while I freak out about every little thing.

She has no interest in science. In a household... where everyone is a scientist. As someone who’s lived in a household where everyone’s a doctor, all of my siblings and I are in some sort of science background. My sister’s a medical doctor, my brother’s a Master in Psychology, and I’m doing a Bachelor’s in Biology. I have no doubt it can happen. But it happens a lot in young adult. I��m tired of humanities main characters. I love the humanities. I don’t know why but everyone I know in science has some sort of humanities background. Everyone in my family can play instruments and paints and does photography. 

And can I just say how pretentious that ending was? Here’s my painting its a unique perspective from seeing my alternate dimension selves. She plagiarised herself. She basically plagiarised her alternate dimension selves. I’ll save those in later

- Paul Markov: Nerdy Love Interest

Love interest. Also Russian. Don’t know who he is.

- Theo Beck: Nerdy Love Interest 2: Bad Boy Boogaloo

Love interest. French(?). Does drugs to stay in bodies because idk.

- Henry Caine: Dad

Like the Beatles.

- Sophia Kovalenka: Mom

Depressed without dad.

- Josie Caine: The pretty one

The pretty one. Died in an alternate universe.

- Wyatt Conley: I see why you like Josie

Rich. Villain. Oh... but he’s in love with Josie. Oh no.

As you can see. The characters are well fleshed out. I have headcanons for all of them. Margarita hates sciences because her sister is good at it and she has to be good at something in her family so she pursues the arts. Paul and Theo have no reason to like Margarita. She’s whiny and really unlikeable. But here we are.

2. The Science: So that science huh?

This is a science fiction novel with a murder mystery element. It should something I should be gushing and loving it.

But the science is, uh, meh? 

So, there’s this thing called a Firebird. And this miracle baby lets you travel between dimensions. I’m no physicist. The best of my physics knowledge involves how organisms abuse the universe’s physics engine.

The most unrealistic thing about the science here is... the fact that these people got funding. The firebird’s supposed to revolutionise modern science. And I can see how, steal info from other dimensions. But no one with enough funding would be interested. And I get that Wyatt would be interested because he could be funding from Capitalist Dimension. I get that. Okay. Fine.

But the explanation. The Firebird is made of materials that easily move between dimensions, can grab onto consciousness, and leaves a dimensional trace. What material? How does it grab onto the consciousness? What is the dimensional trace? We don’t know because Margarita doesn’t know because ALL THE SCIENTISTS WON’T TELL HER BECAUSE SHE WON’T UNDERSTAND?!?! Anyone with a PhD in science is a nerd that will jump at any opportunity to tell you how something works. You might not understand but they will try their damned hardest. AT LEAST GIVE US PHLEBOTINUM!!

There’s this whole thing where Paul explains how universes are formed because of an asymmetry and that sort of let’s us travel between dimensions and that lets us save dimensions being destroyed. Oh yeah, there’s a plot where the Capitalist Dimension wants to destroy universes to get all the fragments of Josie because that’s how consciousness works. I don’t know how it works. These people do. Whatever. But it feels like... how do you get enough energy to create enough antimatter to destroy entire universes? I don’t know but they’ve probably done enough research and experiments. Fine. How did they invent the solution though? They didn’t have the time to do any experiments or research. Oh well.

Also consciousnesses apparently show up in CT scans. Which means they’re altering the brains of these people. That’s a human rights violation. Never mind the highjacking free will thing. This would never, and I mean never, be approved. I had a research proposal where I would feed Tilapia feed that had little bits of microplastics to see how microplastics affect growth and everything. That was not approved due to ethical reasons. They’re even stricter on humans. Shocking.

3. Existence vs Essence: Does that mean I fell in love with every Paul, everywhere?

Now Claudia Gray has the idea there. But it really falls flat and the potential it had made it worse. If you want a young adult series that handles this idea well go read The Monogatari Series by Nisioisin. Its not in the entire series but in one of the books, Kabukimonogatari. 

The entire series is filled with fauxlosophy on this whole thing from Jean Paul Sartre. Admittedly I’m no philosophy major. I took a college philosophy 101 class. That’s my whole thing. I got an A in that class. Those are my credentials.

But Margarita keeps asking if she falls in love with one Paul is it all the Pauls? And if someone in an alternate universe is a murderer does that make her a murderer. But, and this is important, we learn that Firebirds don’t actually find alternate versions of you but a genetically identical version of you that isn’t already in that universe. You see where I’m getting at. They even have a conversation with all the Margaritas she’s ruined in the Sextuplet Universe where she’s sextuplets Osomatsu-san style.

Her questioning was pointless especially since it continues after this point. And she tries so hard to be like, “but if my circumstances were different I’d be Murderer!Margarita.” And Mob Psycho 100 by One deals with this concept really well. Mob gets transported into an alternate world, with no memories, and spends six months there being bullied with no friends or anyone to confine to. He ends up evil. And the villain goes on to say like, “see, you’re only good because of your circumstances!” when Mob gets his memories back. And Mob goes, “that’s right. i’ve been shaped by the people around me and my circumstances. I should be grateful!” 

Claudia Gray’s solution is basically Paul goes like “don’t worry because you guys are mathematically close but different so you guys are fundamentally different.” Which is like, no. They’re arguing that essence comes before existence. Which is kinda supported by the fact that every incarnation of her is an artist. Like, not a single Margarita likes science in the multiverse. That makes zero sense. Like what?

In conclusion please do not read this. Or do. Lots of people like this.

[babaleshy]

I hate to say it, but after completing part 2 of Anna Karenina, a quarter of the way through an eight-hundred-some-odd page book, I am bored with this novel. The reason being is typical romance stories with love triangles, cheating, etc. just... It's boring. It reads like a soap opera to me by this point. I'm having trouble focusing on this book and have forced myself to read the last twenty-something pages because it's boring.

Obviously, I'm not trying to dunk on anybody who does like these kinds of stories. I just thought that this would stand out to me but I can't continue with this book anymore. I'm bitching because despite this being a library book, I feel like I have to stick to a commitment as if I'll be somehow penalized for not trying to read the whole thing. Like Leo Tolstoy's ghost will come to my room and beat my ass because I prefer horror, sci-fi, fantasy, science, and smut/erotica.

Obviously, his ghost has probably checked in with the living from time to time so he knows this book likely isn't for everyone and won't give a shit that I find it boring, but still...

I'm actually more excited about Mikhail Bulgakov's Master and the Margarita to be honest. But so many copies are checked out and I hate reading on lit screens for long periods of time that I've decided to just purchase a used copy at some point.

I'm also kinda more interested in getting my hands on more ecology books involving oak trees and native bees to do my best to help try and save the planet, so there's that, too.

I guess when you grow up with your mother blasting soap operas to drown out her kids and had to put up with boring female peers constantly talking about boys at an age where I wanted to talk more about Donkey Kong Country and Halloween and Dragonball Z, I should've known this book would quickly make me dread opening the thing up.

My full attention regarding what I've checked out will now be on just the Russian translation book and taking notes.