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wheelercore · 1 year

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Henry and Jason's Monologues: Are They Mirrors of One Another?

Also, as usual, will make this about rosegate/the wheelers (threat).

Anyways, the show has never shied away from making the point that abusers/ bigots are the real "predators" and this is done repeatedly by Hawkins itself being contrasted with the monster-filled UD. In the same vein, Jason's monologue in the church is paralled to a portion of Henry's monologue (Henry's monologue is way too fucking long man).

The biggest irony here is that while Jason was scapegoating the Hellfire club, full of what he would be considered "freaks", the true evil he was hunting was... a reflection of himself.

I didn't utilize screenshots because there is a 30 image limit on text posts but I have the transcripts of both monologues here from the scripts. It's hard to tell because I've broken them up into excerpts, but the monologues are very similar structurally. As in the themes/sections I laid out here follow one another in the same way for both speeches, so it seems intentional. Both excerpts have a theme of seeing a truth under a lie, the spread of a "disease" that both Jason and Henry respectively find intolerable, and the belief that they are both morally "good". there are similarities in word usage:

A spread of something pervasive and intolerable

Jason:

Henry:

"You see, humans are a unique type of pest, multiplying and poisoning our world, all while enforcing a structure of their own. A deeply unnatural structure. Where others saw order, I saw a straitjacket. A cruel, oppressive world dictated by made-up rules. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades. Each life a faded, lesser copy of the one before. Wake up, eat, work, sleep, reproduce, and die. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for it all to be over. All while performing in a silly, terrible play, day after day."

(The "unnatural" structures that Henry is talking about here are religious- specifically Christian since this is set in small town America- structures. This is paralleled to Jason talking about the spread of satanic cults via DnD)

Feelings of hopelessness as it spreads

Jason:

"And now this cult is protecting its leader, Eddie. Hiding him. Allowing him to… to continue his rampage. Last night, I became overcome with this feeling of… of hopelessness."

Henry:

"I could not do that. I could not close off my mind and join in the madness. I could not pretend."

(The intentional conflation between these DnD "cults" that Jason is afraid of and conformist Christian culture/nuclear families that Henry despises is made here again)

Their own conviction that their own actions against this force are "good"

Jason:

"Then I remembered Romans. "Do not be overcome by evil." "But overcome evil with good." And God knows there's good in this town. So much good. It's in this room! It's in this room, right here, right now. So I came here today, humbly, to ask for your help. To join me in this fight. Let us cast out this evil and save Hawkins together."

Henry:

"And I realized I didn't have to. I could make my own rules. I could restore balance to a broken world. A predator… but for good."

(In the same way Jason wants to "cast out this evil" and save Hawkins, Henry wants to restore "balance to a broken world". Notice how Jason does not describe himself as good, but everyone in the room as good. The people that would become that mob that try to hunt down this "evil". Pack predators, but for good)

Now the one that is the most interesting to me personally:

DnD as a roleplaying game and conformity as a silly little play to hide a terrible truth behind a lie

Jason:

"Last night… Last night, I saw things, things I can't explain. Things the police don't wanna believe. And things that I don't wanna believe myself. But I know what I saw. I know. And I've come to accept an awful truth. [...] They just don't know why. Now… Now we do. Now we know. They call themselves Hellfire. A club. A club. A harmless club. That's what they want you to think. But it's a lie. A lie designed to conceal the truth."

Henry:

"Where others saw order, I saw a strait-jacket. A cruel, oppressive world dictated by made-up rules. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades. Each life a faded, lesser copy of the one before. Wake up, eat, work, sleep, reproduce, and die. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for it all to be over. All while performing in a silly, terrible play, day after day. [...] I could reach into others, into their minds, their memories. I became an explorer. I saw my parents as they truly were. To the world, they presented themselves as good, normal people. But like everything else in this world, it was all a lie. A terrible lie. They had done things, Eleven. Such awful things. I showed them who they really were."

(both Jason and Henry state that they have seen through the curtain. For Jason its the supernatural, seeing Eddie for who he really is. For Henry, it's seeing through the roles people play to fit in ie. conforming to societal pressure. They both make an example out of someone. In the case for Jason, he believes that Eddie is hiding behind a "harmless" DnD roleplaying club while committing this heinous acts- the "awful truth". Henry makes an example out of his nuclear family, stating how he was able to see how his parents truly were, how they hide behind a "terrible lie"- one he equated to a silly terrible play earlier in his speech)

The mind-boggling thing? Being an explorer who saw their parents for who they truly were, parents who have done awful things and hide behind a façade of normalcy, is paralleled to Holly.

In fact the shot pans over the Wheelers when Jason states that the "harmless" club is a lie designed to conceal the truth:

In fact there are many more associations with the Wheelers in Jason's speech. "We've all heard how satanic cults are spreading through our country like some… some disease."

Wheeler women are associated with cancer

The running gag of Mike's asking if his Nana has cancer in s3

2. Karen didn't need to be in the s3 scene on the phone when Mike is lying to El about his Nana's cancer, but they did intentionally include her regardless, having her ask if something is wrong with Nana and if she's sick.

3. Jonathan describes the resentment Nancy will feel for him if she has to give up her dreams for him and the continuation of the family cycle as a cancer (which is like, Karen's whole thing)- finally spelling out to us that the cancer, in this case of unsatisfied wheeler women at least, is a metaphor for female oppression/conformity:

And then we see El in California, clad in roses choking against the rose on the creel door, which we also see Karen, Nancy, and Holly associated with, spreading the disease... through the country.

(Steve brought a bouquet of roses for Nancy in an effort to get her back in s2)

"... spreading through our country like some… some disease."

Flashback to s4e1 when Mike just arrives across the country in California, he is bringing her yellow and purple flowers, which he explicitly mentions how he chose the colors when handing it to her:

Which is familiar... the spread of the UD is repeatedly compared also to an infectious disease in s3 with Mrs. Driscoll's rats being a reference to the spread of the Bubonic Plague and Driscoll being the first to "contract" this disease straights from the "source".

Mrs Driscoll wears a shirt with purple and yellow flowers on it (and red/white), similar to the ones that Mike handed El when he got to California:

(Steve brought a bouquet of roses for Nancy in an effort to get her back in s2 and Dustin jokingly asks which Wheeler parent its for)

Mind you we see rose symbolism with other female characters also. Robin Rose Weaver, who is adorned in pink and white + pearls (like Holly also) and a flower-shaped hair accessory. Robin is uncomfortable with this look as it "not her". Tammy Thompson- implying that femininity is a "performance". Angela, who represents how women bully each other into conforming with her actions towards El. Billy's mother, who wears a red flower on her beach outfit. I spoke about it here, no need to repeat it again.

Tabitha, Suzie's sister, also shares this style while in the same style while pretending to choke, like El.

As for the Wheeler men- beyond the obvious clothing parallels, we can see conflation of Eddie and Henry's parents, who have done "awful things" but hide behind a role. Ted and Mike have paralleled serial killer references in s4, which I spoke about more extensively in this post but Ill put a bit here:

Three serial killer name drops in s4: Michael Meyers, Ted Bundy, and Freddy Krueger (predators).

In fact when they name drop Ted Bundy they conflate him with Eddie Munson. Twice in that one scene actually.

The most simple play on names is apparent here. Both Eddie and Ted are short for Edward.

(and this line which low key reminds me of the The First Shadow casting call - [GUNSHOT])

But also just the focus on the Wheeler (Nancy) when serial killers are brought up as Robin is speaking about Vecna in this scene:

Also Jason's little list of where to look for Eddie specifically says Wheeler's (apostrophe designating a short hand for saying the Wheeler home) although in the show itself there is no indication from any character or scene that Jason ever checked out the Wheeler home personally unless he counts just observing briefly it from the Sinclair's next door that morning:

Anyways, if Jason's and Henry's monologues are meant to be mirrors of one another (Eddie's DnD roleplying club as a front = Conformity/nuclear family as a role to hide a "terrible lie" and "awful things" that were done) what does this line double meaning from Jason's monologue mean to you in the context of the Wheelers?

"We've all heard how satanic cults are spreading through our country like some… some disease. And Eddie Munson is the leader of one of these cults. A cult that operates here in Hawkins.[...] A club. A club. A harmless club. That's what they want you to think. But it's a lie. A lie designed to conceal the truth [shot to the Wheelers]. And now this cult is protecting its leader, Eddie. Hiding him. Allowing him to… to continue his rampage."

Which is analogous to: "I became an explorer. I saw my parents as they truly were. To the world, they presented themselves as good, normal people. But like everything else in this world, it was all a lie. A terrible lie. They had done things, Eleven. Such awful things."

Of course, abstractly, this is all a metaphor for how the cultural enforcement of the nuclear family only perpetuates the cycle of broken families.

Women are pressured into marrying men with no other choice -> they grow unsatisfied and resentful of their husbands for being abusive/emotionally neglectful and all the opportunities they gave up (cancer) -> an unhappy and resentful mother is not adequately there for her children emotionally -> her sons are not emotionally supported and are taught regardless that "boys dont cry" -> son then go onto marry a woman (even if he doesn't wan to) -> son mirrors his own upbringing having not unlearned it and becomes the emotionally neglectful/abusive/distant husband with an unhappy and resentful wife (infection spread) -> the cycle repeats

Interestingly enough when Nancy was vecna'd we get an interesting scene, shifting from miketed's Fred's mangled body to the rose door:

Idk about the serial killer stuff imma wait until TFS for that

But what does Lucas say at the end of s4 to Jason?

"normal's just a raging psychopath"

#This post was only structured for the first half then i kinda lost the plot but whateva #jason carver #henry creel #nancy wheeler #holly wheeler #karen wheeler #mike wheeler #ted wheeler

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ms-katonic-of-tamriel · 1 year

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

SPOILERS BELOW: AoD, Wolf Queen, Prodigal Dragonborn, Unfated, And When The World Remembers

Age of the Dragon, even if it is a beast. Started out as a what if crossover, ended up being an epic adventure touching on colonialism, first contact, toxic organised religion, overcoming religious trauma, overcoming addiction, saving the world but at a cost, arriving in a new place and ending up overturning half their culture, how far are you willing to go to win, what salvation really looks like, redemption, freedom, and reuniting long-lost family. It gave me Cicero's Uncle and I love him very much. It gave Alistair his New Dog, and I love that very much too. XD

Wolf Queen Awakens - it just works. It just came together so easily, and I'm proud of it. The last scene still moves me to tears, it's like, yeah, Elisif, you did it. You saved the world. You won your throne. You avenged your husband. You got a new one. You're not a helpless figurehead any more and never will be again. And now you're Queen. You enjoy yourself, you earned this.

Prodigal Dragonborn - it is a fluffy romance between a lonely nerd who wasn't really expecting to find a partner, but was looking for an adventure and an amazing scientific discovery, and manages to come home with all three. I really liked writing Lucien. He's so sweet and lovable and definitely on the ace spectrum and probably autistic as well. Teasing out the backstory that Joseph Russell didn't put in and quite possibly didn't intend to be there was a lot of fun. "I'm the one using the library for its intended purpose and I'm the problem??" and "my amazing scientific discovery loves me back!" were the two most iconic lines, I think. Plus we also get Miraak with no memories looking for redemption and finding it in this scientist who will surely perish if not protected... and in the end, choosing love and forgiveness over wrath and retribution and realising his fate is not set in stone after all, and there doesn't have to be a divide between his real self and the part that loves Lucien. Also there's the cat. How can you not love Lucien's cat. That cat's practically a character in her own right. Lived in fear Joseph Russell would find out what I'd done with his boy and flip out when I started writing it, but by now I've largely realised I probably needn't have worried.

Unfated - crack turned serious. Silly Skyrim version of a silly DND webcomic, in which the Markarth Incident gets averted due to shenanigans but those shenanigans result in peace talks, an agreement, a wary truce between magic-phobic Stormcloaks fresh from a war that left them all traumatised and Reachfolk not sure how to treat the ones who were invading their country five minutes ago, and slowly the two cultures start merging as everyone involved starts to heal. And then the reaction comes, and consequences, and suddenly it all starts kicking off and then Teenage Cicero shows up. Soon followed by his now-Tranquil Uncle. It's got very intense, but I am enjoying picking this one up again. Also everyone's younger selves are proving a delight to write. Keirine newly First Matriarch and still unsure of herself. Madanach who never went to Cidhna Mine and has five young kids to look after. Farkas and Vilkas as teenagers. Uncle Cicero in his mid-forties. Custom follower Kaidan as a wee babby and his mum alive and I really love writing her too. Teeny tiny Leliana uprooted from Orlais and everything she's ever known. Delphine in her twenties and one Blade among many, serving alongside at least one who remembers what she was like before the war and will not put up with her crap. Elisif's parents! Tiny Vex of all people (people went nuts over Tiny Vex and she's only a bit character). MADANACH'S KIDS. Eola as a tiny baby who loves meat already and turned out to be the one to convince Ulfric to give in. And of course Ulfric Stormcloak, 29, war crimes averted, getting therapy, in a healthy relationship and healing. All the Stormcloaks, healing. Able to lay down their weapons, work with non-Nords and magic users at that, and live peacefully - mostly. It's an odd little universe but I love it.

And When the World Remembers - Dragon Age Inquisition, but the Herald of Andraste is stupidly OP and an ex-Dark Lord on the run, who falls face first out of Apocrypha and into his new cult and is absolutely delighted with his new Andrastian minions. And then he changes. Slowly he starts remembering how to be human again. Slowly he starts realising he actually likes these people. And then he meets this flamboyant necromancer from Tevinter who turns his life upside down before you can say 'future husband' and now there's two of them both trying to work through their issues and save the world and try to be good people while doing it. And then Miraak's past comes back to haunt him, and then Dragonborn Three arrives and he has not just a partner and an Inquisition... but siblings again. I fully intend to finish this one day, I swear it, but Unfated ran away with me.

Thank you so much for the ask! And now the tagging.

@rheilea @evil-is-relative @kookaburra1701 @expended-sleeper

And anyone else who has writing they want to tell their followers about. If you can't think of five, wax lyrical on what you do have.

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tosikoarts · 4 years

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SFW Alphabet | Mail Jeevas

Let me know if you want alphabet for Near as well. You can check tosikowrites tag for more! Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

For Matt, being affectionate is as natural as breathing. You can’t call him over-the-top, his love is immature like he just got first teenage crush, and therefore it is difficult to predict his thoughts. In the beginning, awkwardness can slip through accidental hands touch or misplaced kisses. He giggles a lot to cover insecurities and it kinda works.

At the same time he tends to hesitate when things are about to get intimate. New experiences overwhelm him. If relationship seems to develop too quickly, Matt will subtly slow them down without making a fuss.

Won’t ever let his loved one go to bed in tears. It cuts him deeply as a friend and a partner to see his favorite person suffering. Of course, Matt lacks a bachelor degree in psychology, but he knows how to use active listening skills: he actually gives them space to speak their mind, makes pauses when necessary, and asks questions to hear the answers and not to simply imitate a concern.

One of the ways to show affection is to introduce loved one to his friends. We are talking not about a casual “this is name1, this is name2” but a special bond establishing, where everybody is treated with the same respect, trust, each person plays a specific role. Matt basically builds small “family” of closest people, ride-or-die gang from photos on which you see comments like “I wish I had friends like that”.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Matt is the type of friend you never knew you needed in your life. It is easy to overlook his quiet persona so you the only way you can meet him is through mutual friends during DnD session, night out in the arcade, etc.

He speaks the language of memes and irony and ironic memes, which he will send the second he sees something you would be interested in. Sharing is caring, so Matt will introduce you to anything he finds even a little bit entertaining. Friendship with this guy involves a lot of inside jokes that are completely incomprehensible to unenlightened people around.

Chill aura follows Matt everywhere he goes and you will experience its miraculous effects as well. Problems do not exist in his plan of reality, any extreme negative emotions do not either. It may be strange at first but later you crave his presence and stability that comes with it. In short, wholesome person in a grungy shell.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

The miserable situation in which person is truly snuggble (is it even a word?) but has to be in specific mood for it. Matt turns into panda, wrapping his limbs around the partner’s body, today but keeps it modest with only his head lying on their lap next day. He has a bad habit of nestling to the loved one after smoking weed so a sickly sweet smell imprints on their clothes, hair, and whatever he touches.

Without ongoing conversation, Matt starts dozing in a few minutes. His embrace turns into a bear trap, and poor soul, who was (un)lucky enough to get caught, has low chances to escape.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I mean, mentally he is already settled down with his console and Mello? Yes, that sound like him, there’s a good chance Matt would want to have nice comfy life with the loved one. He can’t cook for shit and is an incorrigible slob but, boi, he will try to make their home the coziest nest out here. He will try really hard to be better cook and keep house clean when domesticity hits him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Matt is a mess. His heart drops when a thought of break-up arises in the mind. He even starts to think that ghosting isn’t that cruel and there’s nothing craven in breaking-up through message. This would deprive him from the sight of them crying at least. After much hesitation, Matt will meet with them close to their house to explain what was on his mind lately. Despite how it goes, he’s filled with unpleasant feeling of betrayal.

A week later Matt will try to get in touch just to see how they’re doing. Are they okay? Are they mad at him? Do they want to talk? What if they want to stay friends? Because Matt wants to stay friends, he planned to stay close to them after breaking-up. Even if some things do not work out, Matt still wants to support them and share all the best in their life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Seems to look for someone like a best friend to marry and won’t plan anything before he’s fully convinced in a person’s fit. It takes, maybe, two or three years for him to start thinking about proposing, though Matt doesn’t make a big of a deal of this event. His approach is very unpretentious: no restaurant date with small red box, no witnesses with cameras and whatsoever, Matt fondly asks a question while cuddling or eating ice cream out of bucket in silly pajamas. A smile never leaves his lips after they say “yes”. He probably cries on the wedding day too.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Matt is pretty inconsistent when it comes to gentleness. His laid-back nature doesn’t negate his soft side but doesn’t add up to it either, giving his behavior a touch of indifference. His comprehension of physical aspect is better than emotional because it doesn’t have such blurry undertones and can be controlled more precisely. Therefore Matt needs a bit of time to find the correct love language for a new partner and give them clear answer which one works the best for him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Surprisingly, not so fond of hugs? He won’t ever reject them but it seems like he tries to keep small distance at the same time. You may have experienced it, defective hug when a person does not hug you in full force but also doesn’t let go. In this case, you don’t really understand the reason since person hugged you, right, they must like you to do it but ehhh. Matt takes initiative half of the times, but remember about the quality of dollar store kush.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He says “I love you” every so often. For Matt It’s a phase used not only in romantic way but also as an expression of appreciation for your friends and family. In the beginning Matt will also say “I love you” (like he does to Mello) to make person acknowledge how much they mean to him but later its meaning shifts to more serious one and is accompanied with long tirade about his feelings. So yeah, as fast as they become good friends which may take month or two.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

On a scale of jealousy Matt scores lower than average and it takes a lot of time for him to realize someone is seriously hitting on his loved one even if another person acts pretty straightforward. After realizing what’s going on Matt will act needy. He won’t stop following his loved one and holding their hand, placing small pecks on their cheeks and giving his rival dirty look.

If he witnesses his lover acting too flirty, he won’t say a word. Only after they are alone, Matt reluctantly will try to set record straight. Relationship takes two to work, and he won’t force them to stay just for the sake of staying.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

You’ll never get bored with this goofy kisser: he is sloppy, but also gentle and sweet. Well, not that sweet since you can taste the tobacco bitterness on the tip of his tongue 99% of the time. Sometimes, Matt gets so carried away that he will kiss his loved one right in the middle of the sentence. Prefers classical lips kisses and kisses on the forehead for both kissing and being kissed.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Man, Matt can connect to little ones on the spiritual level. He talks to them like they are his equal in every way possible and from the outside it looks adorable. Teenagers need space? Good, here you go! Kids want a piggyback ride? Jump on it, he got you! Baby-toddler screams the lugs out? Mail prepared ear plugs, pacifier, and a collection of toys! Even when they are causing troubles, this guy remains very understanding.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Night work puts both Matt’s laptop and himself into sleeping mode at 5-6 in the morning. If you are the early bird, you have high chance to find him at the dawn, with his heavy head resting on his hands. The best option is to wake him up gently and send him to the bed before those muscles get stone-stiff.

On rare occasions he goes to bed right after you just to have a major sleep-in. Nothing can disturb his sleep, not a blasting cannons, nor a nightmare, since his mind goes off and shuts down like a corrupted program.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Let’s not talk about work days, we already know how it goes. On his free time Matt likes to stay at home and have a quiet evening with his loved one or by himself. After pizza is ordered, he jumps on the couch and lies down for a bit. If his loved one is here as well Matt asks what they want to do. His suggestion would be build a pillow fort and wait inside, chatting about stupid things. Trite, but playing video games is second option on the list. They can play together or take turns, Matt is down for anything and will definitely let them beat him in Mario kart.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Reveals facts about himself slowly, but tends to have deep conversations about things like fears, dreams, emotional experiences, even traumas. Seeing the sincere intentions of a person, he will reciprocate the effort to get to know them better. Also, when Matt is in playful mood he will play that “well, try to guess it” or “well, that’s true… or is it?” card making conversation even easier. He may have few topics like life in orphanage he is not comfortable with so he will politely refuse to talk about them or cover them with jokes.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Tibetan monks called, asked if they can book a private lesson in tranquility for their unexperienced young apprentices. This man is the embodiment of appeasement, he is good-naturedly calm and his peaceful mood easily transfers to this around him. He perceives the anger of others and unpleasant incidents as short-term events that do not deserve much of attention. When someone is mad at him he just smiles lightly, explains himself and, oh god, actually tries to get another person’s point of view.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

While his mind is always occupied with unnecessary stuff, Matt manages to remember about half of what you told him. Most of his knowledge comes from endless online chats, jokes, and memes, common interests, and (who thought!) numbers. He is especially good at remembering anniversaries and it flatters his vanity a lot.

To maintain a never-forgetting-boyfriend reputation Matt keeps in touch with your mutual friends and acquaintances. When he needs to clarify something he’ll reach to the most suitable candidate who will answer the questions but also won’t ruin surprise with their long tongue.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The night he broke down and cried. Just sent his ps-controller flying across the room and covered his eyes, and tears started to roll down his cheeks. Soothing words of the loved one made him shake even more vigorous because the connection between them never felt so strong. Matt didn’t have to hide anything from them. There was no need to keep on a happy face 24/7. He squeezed them in his arms like there was no tomorrow and never ever forgot this moment.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite the wild life that was supposed to teach Matt to adequately assess the danger of outside world, he remains as laid-back as always. He assures loved one that no matter what happens he will be all right. And they will be all right too. He believes they both can just slip away from any unpleasant situation and there is no reason to be overprotective. Yes, for someone associated with Mafia, Matt feels way too frivolous.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

The exact opposite of Mello. The more time passes, the more confident he grows in his feelings and it shows in the way he expresses it. When it comes to presents Matt chooses hand-made mess over expensive shiny but lifeless gifts. His fingers are glued together and sequins on the nose emphasize bags under the eyes but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters, actually, because Matt finally wrote their name in cursive just the way he wanted to. For the anniversary there is huge box waiting for them, filled with candies, candles, discs, photos, short notes, and every little bauble he could think of. No doubt he stands right beside the person with puppy eyes, evaluating their reaction.

Dates aren’t big of a deal. He leaves date plans up to them since he doesn’t care what to do while it is with them. If they specifically ask for Matt’s ideas he will think about it for 5-10 minutes and then suggest first thing Google search gives him. Pray to God it’s not a DIY in 5 minutes because he will try it too.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Matt has a strong tendency to justify people when they obviously do not deserve it. Maybe this is not entirely conscious, but he ignores red flags until everything falls apart. He doesn’t see a pattern here and how all these people are alike so cycle repeats again and again.

Sometimes you have to worry. Sometimes circumstances oblige you to stop brushing off your problems. That’s not a case with Matt tho. To solve problems with a sober head, cool mind, yes, this is amazing, but the keyword is to s o l v e which he may completely ignore. Being laid-back dude is a talent but it shouldn’t be taken to the point of “if I close my eyes, maybe, it will go away”.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Well, let’s say his style leaves much to be desired. I can see his closet being full of the same type of clothes in approximately similar faded colors. No patterns, no game of textures, it’s just plain. Those goggles with amber-tinted lenses are one of two pairs Matt owns. The other one is similar to famous Kurt Cobain glasses and he keeps them for ironic purpose.

Matt never used any creams even when his skin resembled tree bark. Tobacco smoke can cause dryness of lips so you can expect his being chopped and covered in small cracks.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

You cannot tell it from his face but deep down he is devastated. People notice his silent thoughtfulness, lingering daydreaming. Hours spent in games grow an alarming rate as well as his expenses on cigarettes. A lot of time has to pass by before he goes back to his old self.

If they left for any reason Matt accepts it and tries to remain their friend. He knows there should be a pause in their relationship to establish new boundaries and stop perceive each other as… lovers. But he can’t stay away.

If they died both related and unrelated to Kira case, Matt seems to disengage from everything except helping Mello and videogames. His brain freezes in white noise and repetitive actions keeping him going like a programmed robot. Months later, he promises to get well because this is exactly what they would want for him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Matt likes to smoke devil lettuce once in a while to clear his head or fog it completely. However, he doesn’t like to drink at all. His organism reacts poorly to alcohol and nausea rises to the throat before he can feel any kaif. Once Matt made a huge mistake (read – decided to get drunk with Mello): it ended up with Mello roaming around the city aimlessly for two days while Matt was almost chained to the bathroom because… well, he didn’t feel very well. In the end of the day they suffered a small loss: Mello lost his golden chain he never really liked and Matt lost the urge to drink forever.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

There is excess of negativity in this world already so if the only thing person is going to do is to complain, he will slowly push them out of his life. Cancelling plans, ignoring massages, hanging up early in the calls and, finally, he will disappear from their life like he was never there.

Boring people. It doesn’t mean person has to be into craziest stuff, you can be interested at knitting and present your hobby as the most interesting thing in the whole universe. Problem arises when person fails to show their passion.

Arrogance makes Matt yawn. It usually comes with qualities such as duplicity, hypocrisy, and he is not buying it. He is simple guy and feels uncomfortable around those who put on a brass face.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

His sleeping hours vary from 45 minutes to 14 hours per day and you never know what tomorrow will bring. It depends on many factors, but mostly on whether he has any work next day and if there are any upcoming games that he was waiting for so patiently.

Matt knows how to sleep anywhere and anyhow, even in standing position with hands crossed. His ability to fall asleep in 0.5 second is something Mello is envious of. Also, he can sleep with loud TV on the background, dogs barking, and Mello yelling at someone at the same time. It’s honestly a superpower.

The mere fact that somebody is sleeping next to him (it doesn’t have to be a loved one) gives him a feeling of serenity. If they sleep under the same blanket, he without a doubt will steal it.

#death note #matt #mail jeevas #death note headcanon #death note imagines #matt headcanon #tosikowrites

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pinktatertots99 · 4 years

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similar to the last fankids i made a batch for my uh...universes i’ve been making. these kiddos are from an alternate. i’ll make the post in a bit but lets intriduce these kiddos first, including a returning face.

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your name is lellek vantis. your the child of three of the founders of your world. your described as a crybaby and not good at making friends except for your moirail canope. your like watching ghilbi movies, sewing with your ‘auntie’ jade (not really sewing you just take a leftover felt and pierce the needle through it but it’s a nice destresser) or listening to lo-fi tunes with ‘uncle’ dave.

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your name is july (jewel-ee) crocker. your the future president...of the crocker company. you have a facination in making sweets just like your mama and dad-uh-you mean ‘uncle’ gam gam, least that’s what they want you to call him...for now. when your not in your first grade class’s poking your sarcastic fun at misume your either dressing up with your cousin dandy and casey, at your mama’s bakery or seromoning gam gam’s church events whilst eating goldfish crackers and 7up...don’t tell gam gam he uses it for his converting events.

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your name is misume serket and you wish to become an adventurer! your lussus gave you a couple stories of the famous mindfang, along with your auntsus (aunt lussus) when she’s back from her space adventurers to encourage your determination to get out by her own stories! you can’t now, but you hope to find her in your dream bubbles, cause hey dead people are there so that means she has to be too! meanwhile your busy doing boring first grade class’s and messing with july and your weird ass friendgroup that you only know cause of meetups.

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your name is canope. you have a facination for the magics thanks to your auntie rox and mumsie reading your auntie’s books to you. your also a fan of all the wizard of oz movies, your not sure how some fear the second movie it seems fine to you. your the moirail of lellek and do your best as the older moirail to get her into nice situations to have some fun in!

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your name is eonape leijon. you love to fly, which is funny cause your olive bloods aren’t known for flying unless their falling, but falling you do not want you feel the urge to fly! so your busy learning to become a mechanic with your unsus (uncle lussus) equius to help you out while your lussus is out and about on her job. your flying love goes all the way back to the troll show jayjay the jet and movie plane’s 2 which you’ll still watch from time to time. your the moirail of hosani and rather energetic in her antics.

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your name is hosani nitram. your the school bully of earcth’s elementary and like to torment good ol lellek just to get a reaction...unless her creepy af moirail or she screams happens but thankfully she’s too dumb to remember to use it. sides your trying to show a message that you won’t give a fuck who mess’s with you, no god’s child no highbloods, you got shit to pay to those higher ups despite your pops and uncle telling you not to. but in your meantime your busy hanging with your bud playing fiduspawn in your treehouse for the coolest of low trolls and checking in on your neighborhood critters, mostly the squeakrrles.

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your name is dandy egbert and your one fashionable dude. your well known in your class for coming in with different outfits everyday. somedays your a cowboy, others your sporting the sombrero, or feeling spicy you put in your trollsona’s cosplay. your a fan of many genre’s but you like the specific times they were shot like the 70′s and 80′s now THOSE had some sweet cinematography. your considered an ‘old timer’ despite almost being 10 but your pop’s kinda likes it, he says it’s a better hobby then clown figurine collecting...sounds familiar. your sister also gets in on it too dressing in attire related to the theme, she’s the true MVP as kids call it these days.

==> be the male seadweller. your name is eiseel english ampora and no before you ask their not together you just have a very weird family tree where mister ampora considers himself your ‘legal lussus’ but you spend most your time with mister jake and your matesprit’s ‘legal lussus’ aradia in the outdoors traveling and getting many injuries that makes ampora’s reactions humorous. you like the outdoor’s but your more of a tech guy if anything, carrying around a small electric line so you can chat with your bud’s and play match 3 puzzle rpg games. you wish you could live with your matesprit and his totally cool other guardian sol. you also have a weird facination for neon green, but ampora through a fit once so your sticking with an almost jade green, maybe mister jake’s fashion sense was getting to ya.

==> be the female seadweller. your name is reefay peixes. your a selectively mute girl who does fanfiction commissions...least for your moirail eiseel of his gold-blood self insert falling for his matesprit’s DnD sea mage character. you hope to become an author someday as your art skills aren’t up to snuff yet. your a fan of romcom’s and magical girl series bout friendship and subtle but obvious gayness, or maybe your glass’s count as shipping goggles who knows.

‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘

your name is anneck captor megaido and no your lussus’s aren’t together either...least you think? it’s simple but complicated just like mister captor who, despite being your caretaker your busy making sure he take his medication and help himself health wise as the pressing leader of earcth’s electrical unit of the whole world. thankfully not the universe otherwise you’d have bigger issues. despite some raising a brow at how you live in a humid basement full of electric units and one king bee (hehe) sized mattress you don’t mind really. your not one to go out for long which is why your not in the outdoors 24/7 with your actual lussus guardian, despite your matesprit wishing you would but most likely so you can bandage his reckless behind up.

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your name is haileq strider. your usually on a husktop in your dad’s workshop when he’s busy constructing the new mechanical machinery he and miss harley work on. you don’t have a hobby other then scrolling social media’s boredly with your inability to make a friend without being awkward bout it, even worse try to confess your flushed feelings for yal-...wait she shouldn’t say it oh fuck don’t send-

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your name is yale H attahock. your from an adopted carapacious family with two doting mom’s who have a habit of scratching your ears. your the ‘mom friend’ of your semi-blood family’s group of kids but it doesn’t help they keep running around town getting into mischief while the others watch from the sky, someone has to be eyes on the ground! otherwise you like to play soccorfoot in your school’s team the ‘hot dogs’ (funny your the leader but they made that decision to name it that.) or playing joystick games with your...’cousin’ who loves to banter in your playful family-esque relationship.

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your name is jaspjoir also called JJ or ‘jasper jr’ on accident in some papers. your also from a carapacious family of your silly sweet pops’. your one for fashion thanks to your old mans and love for a good firework display and a hint of magic performances. you also like to have a good ol time teasing your cous with how lone of a wolf he is after certain events but you do have a soft spot for the kiddos he watches, especially lil ol july. you hope to play a game soon with your dear ol cousin and some of his lil friends sometime, sooner then later you hope ;3.

#homestuck #HS #home stuck #fan kids #fan kid #fan child #fan children #fan character #fan characters #fan character's #au #my art #my ocs #my oc #ocs #oc #bittersweet vers au #i made this

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theinsanecrayonbox · 4 years

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today is my Critterversay

last year, i started watching campaign 2 on new years’ eve, because i was at a loss what to watch after the holiday binge had been exhausted. i had seen the MN animated intro show up in my YT suggested, and vaguely remembered my brother having talked about CR in the past and putting on one of their unboxing holiday videos one holiday (can’t recall if he was home from college or that was the year he flew home from the west coast, either way it’d been like 2 years at the least), so i watched the intro...and i loved it. i instantly was drawn to Caddy, and so when i was looking for something to watch, i went “well let’s see what this is about” and...was disappointed that the first leg of the campaign did not have the animated intro that had drawn me in, and i was thoroughly disappointed that there was no Caddy; i actually was really put off by Molly at the start, no joke. but with a lack of things to watch, and me craving some DnD content since my own table was on pause and i was starting to once again get burnout due to another game getting dropped and loosing a character i really enjoyed playing, i stuck with it...and there is no going back now. i fell in love with all the characters and their players; i spoiled myself to know when Caddy would arrive, yet despite knowing that i still cried at Molly’s death. Caduceus Clay has taught me how to be a better cleric, and made me want to be a cleric again (because a big part of my burn out was the fact that i constantly have to be the party healer, and no one protects me when i do), and that really helped me make Ada better, it inspired me to make and be super excited about Jelena, and made me reengage and enjoy my own table again. then the plague happened, just as i had caught up to live broadcasts even, so that was sucky timing. but it still got be through the plague so much; i worked on my Critter Knitts (despite yarn being illegal to buy at the start of lockdown in my state), i bought EGtWM and took my first delves into 5e (yes, me who refused to learn any other system for a decade, has decided she is willing to learn 5e if she can enjoy this amazing world more that way; as it also has made me interested in other game systems too), i went and bought merch, i wrote silly headcanon ideas that the tags seemed to love, it inspired me to make my doll-scaled printables of every D&D and Pathfinder book i could find and released those free paper crafts to the internet, i got excited for things again. it frustrated me too, as i spent so much time submitting my knitts for the art roll and never making it, and seemingly the instant i gave up suddenly a yarn thing by someone else appeared; but you know...it’s not a contest, and i also love that i’ve seen a whole lot more yarn projects since i started, whether it’s coincidence or causality idk, but it’s just great. i might just sit on the fringes of the fandom with my own silly story ideas, and my knitts, but CR as a whole has kept me going this year, and i am so thankful for that. i might have come late to the game on this amazing show, but you know, i think i made it at just the right time, and that’s the most important thing. so thank you CR

#thinking outloud #critical role #year in reflection #idk how to tag this

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coolcattime · 4 years

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Letter from a Harpy

Authors Note: This story was written by me (@coolcattime) and my friend @atlass-coat. Both characters are used for a dnd campaign ran by Atlas and belong to us.

Moodboard also made by @atlass-coat.

This story is about those characters and their friendship, it concerns the past of one of the characters and the tension that the people from that past can bring.

For more stuff about Medli (one of the characters in this story) check out her character dossier that I wrote: here.

Content Warning: Implied abuse, implied self-harm, implied school-related trauma.

Idric Ba’lor and Medli took their stay in a port town where their ilk ran through the streets. Although the outspoken adventurers and flamboyant merchants may be an annoyance to some, they made the duo feel at home. Well, as at home as a tiefling and water genasi can feel, especially when neither was interested in blending in.

The two have already been travelling together for quite a while, this town serving as just another in a short line of places they had travelled to. Upon arriving, docking Idric’s boat in the town’s port, they had started calling the local tavern their refuge.

This particular night had been spent telling tales and hearing the local fables, as well as more than a few drinks. The night had been another hectic one, ending with the two being the last of the guests to retire to their rooms.

Idric strolls out of his room just before the afternoon took hold. He walks up to the bar with a smirk while jostling his hair, and after a short conversation with the barmaid, he joins Medli at a table. She smiles at her friend, hearing the unique clack of his jackboots. She decides not to question the drink in his hand.

After half an hour of sitting in silence people watching, she chooses to talk rather than continue the quiet.

“Did you sleep okay?” She opens, cocking her head a little. She chooses to ignore her drink and the last scraps of food now her friend is up and about.

“Pretty well, I mean who doesn’t love a hay mattress, yourself?” He jokes, smiling before comfortably sipping his wine.

The conversation feels radiantly normal, a relaxingly regular set of pleasantries. It was a stark change from the high energy of the night before, but it still feels normal for the two.

“It wasn’t the worst place I’ve ever slept,” Medli giggles quietly. The comfort of the mattress didn’t really matter to her, so long as she got a full night’s rest and to talk with her friend. Actually getting to sleep soundly was usually far easier said than done but at least this night was safe.

“And it’s nice to be on dry land again, at least for a bit.” She finishes tentatively, realising how much time she’d let pass in her head.

“I suppose the dorms in the cobbled hellscape that is Mistwalker can’t be great,” He amuses absentmindedly, rolling up his sleeves and tying them back to sit on his elbows.

Medli shrank down an inch or two in her chair.

“They could’ve been nice,” She speaks low with a frown, “they just need doors that lock.” She hadn’t even realised how common that was until she’d left the college.

Medli idly starts playing with her hair, mostly to distract herself but also because the quiet “whooshing” sound it makes, makes her smile. She isn’t really distracted but it stops her dwelling on the past so much, not that that was really fully possible.

“Sounds so damn safe, bet the nights were restful,” He laughs through his sentence but there’s a clear bite to it. Medli had truly suffered at that college, and though he understands that feeling, her lack of anger, or even blame towards those who caused it, never got easier to watch.

“Well,” She opens, unsure of the rest of the sentence. “At least I don’t have to go back any time soon.”

She ends her point with a smile or at least an attempt at one. The memories won’t go away on their own, but she can try to avoid them by switching into a less uncomfortable topic, “So… do you think we’ll get to do anything here?”

“You never know what’ll come up – I’m sure something will be worth the trip,” He responds, more than happy to talk about literally anything. Idric also definitely wasn’t wrong, something always seems to come up, they would always manage to find a story worth telling.

The silence gave Idric a moment to collect himself, trying to decide how to broach the next topic and whether it needed to be done now. Before he could truly decide anything, he begins to speak.

“And you got this, the bartender says it’s from a college,” He tries to sound neutral but, he can’t help but sound invasive. He scrapes the letter across the table “So, what’s she want?”

She untied and unfolded the letter, paying little attention to its content, instead she watches her friend. His furrowed brow, scrunched-up nose, and crocked neck are pretty hard to miss.

Idric knew Clarissa was the sender but that wasn’t enough, he needed to know if his other guesses were right too.

Medli skimmed each line with bloodshot eyes, completely panicked. She spends the time she could’ve spent reading it to try and stop the blaring signs of being caught from showing on her face. This was not done well.

“Why is there another one?” She witters under her breath, not even meaning to speak but being far too flustered to stop herself.

Idric’s face can’t decide between a scowl or a smirk, between anger or vindication.

“Exactly, oh exactly what I thought,” His theory had been proven correct, but now new theories about why this was kept from him start to swarm his mind. Meanwhile, Medli is frozen, doing her best not to scream or cry as her mind berated her.

He breaks the silence.

“Walk with me,” Idric stands, trying to rub the tiredness out of his face. This is something best discussed privately.

He walks into his room under the stairs, Medli follows him, barely stopping herself crumpling the letter. As much as she wants to, she couldn’t bring herself to destroy it. She couldn’t destroy any of them.

After letting her into the room, Idric comes the door with a loud spin, unintentionally making Medli flinch.

Idric, in an attempt not to make another loud noise, confines himself to the bed, kicking his legs over onto the headboard and placing his hands on his knees.

“Right, so, Clarissa is doing what exactly?”

“She, erm, she…” Medli stumbles over her words, completely lost with what to say next. She doesn’t want him to be angry, even if she knows she chose to hide this from him. “She’s been sending me money.” Escapes her before going silent once more, digging her wrists into each other.

“You’ve been getting gold in the mail!? From the Harpy Queen herself?” He can’t help but sound disgusted, the break in his voice only adding tension to the room. “And you didn’t think it relevant to your travelling companion? Your violin in crime? Am I just a set of strings to you?” Idric tries to laugh but the fire in his throat won’t let him form the sound.

Medli feels her heart slamming against her ribs, it’s beat paralyses her, pinning her to the spot. “I…” She is barely able to speak, her voice shakes but her is body rigidly still. She tries desperately to get her words out, but nothing comes. She can’t help but think she’s within a drought, a very dangerous place for a water genasi to be. “I told her I didn’t want it, that we were— but the letters aren’t exactly nice…”

“Not exactly nice, how?” Idric over-straightens his back, interrupting her, remembering who drove this rift between them. He could sense there was something else, something she either didn’t want to tell him or just didn’t want to say.

She gnaws at her gum. For a brief moment, she considers lying her way out of this or just running back to her room, but Idric is her friend and whether he would figure out this situation or not, she can’t keep hiding things from the people she trusts.

More than a moment passes with neither sure of what to say before Medli composes herself enough to answer his questions.

“They all say that the gold is so I can get back to the college… when, I, um, I, come to my senses because you’re just going to…” Medli trails off into silence, choosing not to finish that sentence. The letters were filled with Clarissa’s usual language, the type that Medli learnt to expect would be bad but even that didn’t seem to make them hurt any less.

The question of if she deserves to hear them enters her mind with a wince before Idric responds.

“Wow, they really do not like me, do they? And gods, how low must they think of you, dear?” Idric starkly switches from guttural to a softer mumble between questions.

He remembers feeling that kind of helplessness, anger isn’t the tool here. She needs her friend by her side, not at her throat.

“I mean, she doesn’t seem like she has a high opinion of you either,” Medli bites her lip again, trying to hold her nerve but unable to stop rereading each letter in her head.

“Apparently though, I can still corrupt your little mind with my evil devil powers, apparently,” He moves his hands in the spookiest fashion he can think of before jolting up onto his feet. His coat whips around with him, as he uses a simple bit of magic to create a gust of overdramatic wind, really selling the silliness of his words.

He meets her eyes hoping for a laugh, or at least a smile, but only a tear-stared stare meets him. He exhales softly, trying to create a level of calm that they desperately needs. “You seem more scared than angry that I found out or embarrassed you’d been caught. That’s a hell of a plot twist, what’s this doing to you Meds?” He isn’t even sure if that made sense, but this room can’t lay silent any longer.

“Clarissa, she keeps,” Medli takes a breath of her own, attempting to push through a hive of anxiety. She needs to get her words out; she just doesn’t want to say any of it. It frustrates her. She knows exactly what she wants to say, she just can’t push through for long enough to pick the words.

“In all the letters, she said that you’re going to abandon me. I… I thought that if you found out you’d…” She doesn’t want to finish that sentence either. Everything feel like it’s in an ocean of anxiety, confusion, and a creeping certainly that Clarissa may have been right. She has always hated that thought, but she couldn’t let it silence here anymore, regardless of the outcome.

“No one’s ever stuck by me. Basically everyone at the college stayed away from me unless they were planning something that would make everything worse. I didn’t exactly make many friends before I met you.”

She finally looks up to face him, expecting anger or, at the very least, confusion. She finds neither. Idric instead produces a comforting smile, presenting a dimple she didn’t know he had. Idric had a look like this memorised from far too many evenings on the other side of it, that didn’t mean he actually knew how to help though.

“Before you met me yes, but my dear, this is after. A lot has changed and one of those things, potentially the best change, is that we are going to stick with each other,” He feels confident that would’ve resonated with him, so hopefully that’ll be enough. “I know everything’s all new but listening to the ramblings of a harpy can never be the solution.”

Clarissa’s words have done far too much damage, letting them do more is unacceptable. She will not cost Medli another friend, however clever the gaslight she holds.

“But if I ignore them, then she’ll,” Medli shifts a little, still unable to let go of her fear, even if it felt ridiculous, she needed to give it a voice. “She’ll show up in person again.” Her whisper almost comes out as a scream, with each word laced with sheer dread.

Idric doesn’t miss a step in responding.

“Then we deal with that then, and we deal with it together,” He offers his drink with a sort of ‘half-toast’ before taking a drink. “Hence why we’re a team, I thought you knew what you were choosing when you got on my ship and not hers.”

He still can’t seem to shake her out her quivering shoulders and a winced smile. He is far from giving up, though.

“Though, if I may, I’ll remind you—” He takes a moment, stepping towards her silently, still offering a warm expression. “Clarissa’s reign is over. It’s just us now.”

She still doesn’t know how to respond. Neither of them had been here before, and she had no idea what to say. Offer gratitude and pretend it’s all fine? Start to cry? Keep ranting until he admits defeat?

“What’s the worst thing she can do to us right now?” He tries to prompt her to speak, hoping to get her out of her own head.

“She…” Medli barely gets her first word out, too concentrated in watching her forefinger and thumb press and push at her wrist. She couldn’t take her eyes off it.

“I suppose you’re right.” She sounds hopefully insincere.

“I mean, you’re hanging with a literal devil darlin’, what’s she gonna do, tell Asmodeus we are being mean to her?” Regardless of what she’s hiding, now is a time for hope. They can face the rest of her story when she’s ready.

Medli feels the load on her shoulders lift, even if not completely, and looks up finally meeting Idric’s eyes. “It’s just… I don’t understand how she knows where we are. Every time we stop, somehow another letter comes. It’s like she’s still watching me.” Her voice sounds far less shook up, and her breath begins to catch up with her, but she still can’t seem to escape her nerves, or the ever-growing number of questions of how Clarissa could be doing this.

“We can definitely deal with that,” Idric speaks with confidence, beaming with the thought of a new plan forming. “I know a diviner or two, I’m sure they’ll know something or learn it quick enough.”

“I do love a crowd but she’s not even paying to see us.” He laughs to himself.

“Well, I mean technically…” Medli interjects, unsure if a joke this early is okay. Idric seems to think so though, and the two share a quick laugh.

“If we can’t figure this out though, I am sure we can deal with Clarissa the best way we know how,” Idric tries to conclude the topic with reassurance.

“I’m sure she won’t see us coming!” Medli remains smiling, doing so properly for the first time since this mess started. Though, that smile almost breaks as the weight of the paper in her hand hits her again. “I suppose I should get rid of this.”

“Give it to me? I want to see what we’re up against anyway,” His tone refuses to force the decision, instead he sits back on the bed, cocking his head in anticipation. She hesitates for a moment, having not sure what might be in this one; but hands it over anyway.

He reads it slowly, each of his features filling back up with anger. The second the last line is read, he sets the letter alight, attempting to burn away his seethe with the ink. Surprisingly though, it seems to work, and he smirks once more.

“That was certainly a read,” He begins. “I— I’ll go find an old friend of mine, and with their help, we will be able to go over some word choices and disputable phrases, then I am sure she’ll apologise, and we can be on our way.” Idric’s intonation falls into a level of clarity and over-pronunciation that only comes with the desperate need to hide one’s anger.

Medli, on the other hand, only has one thought.

“Do you think they will be able to find her?” Her lips can barely keep up as the words fall from her mouth.

“I’ve never known them to fail before,” He smirks reassuringly.

“Well, that’s nice at least,” She pauses, finally seeing the end of this. “Do you want me to destroy the other letters too?”

“Let me take a look at those too - if that’s okay? It’s important to know one’s public perception after all,” He lets out a singular chewed-up breath posing as a laugh.

Medli rushes off to their old table, she returns holding her bag and awkwardly begins to dig through it. She pulls out a tied stack of letters and hands them to Idric. He throws them into his coat, trying his best to not let the thickness and potential number take too much of his attention.

“You didn’t need to keep this from me, you know? We’re a team as much as you want us to be,” He offers with a soft gesture.

“I didn’t mean too. I was just scared when the first one came and by the time that I stopped being scared of that one, there was already three more and then that felt a lot harder to explain,” She almost says every word at once and can’t help but look relieved when realising they were in the right order.

“You’re a bard Medli, you’ll pick all this up as we go. Explaining the bizarre and traumatic is part of the job.”

Medli laughs a little.

“Can’t I just play violin?”

“Absolutely not.”

#original writing #my writing #friend's writing #medli #idric ba'lor #d&d #dungeons and dragons #tw: implied abuse #tw: implied self-harm #tw: implied school related trauma

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panharmonium · 4 years

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stranger things 3, a visual summary:

more coherent thoughts under the cut, because wow.

......okay. that was a Trainwreck. an absolute mess.

i remember when my coworkers were watching S3 (and still urging me to start season 1) and they were saying how amazing the latest season was, and honestly i think there must just be a difference in people who watch tv just to be entertained and people who watch tv and automatically evaluate the story (aka fandom veterans and English majors, lol - cue Me twice), because WHO could watch this critically and praise it that way?

it's honestly hard to know where to even begin; i've been sending frustrated notes to @brambleberrycottage ever since episode three and now that i'm done with episode 8 there's just......so much more to say

first, good things:

erica is a great character. she's what max should have been (aka, uh.......interesting!) i liked the realization moment where dustin was like "you're a NERD!"

that entire sequence where will is so upset with lucas and mike for not being engaged with the dnd game was very well done, especially the conversation he has with mike out in the rain. i loved that moment where mike asked him "did you think we were just going to hang out in my basement playing games forever?" and will said, "yeah. yeah, i guess i did." i really felt that. [edit, now that i've finished: this was never resolved. will giving away his dnd books at the end was not an actual resolution to this conflict.]

steve is still a good dude, and robin was pretty cool. i'm down for them being super friends. but i'm still mourning the steve+nancy+jonathan trio that was a thing for like 5 seconds and then never returned.

i loved how genuinely excited steve was to see dustin when dustin came back from camp. that was adorable. "HENDERSON!!!!" "how many children are you friends with?"

and uh. yeah. i had more problems with this season than praise-bestowing moments, so. here goes that bit.

OVERARCHING PROBLEMS:

1. keep it simple, stupid

remember in the office when dwight quoted the above advice to ryan as michael's rule for making a sale? the same advice applies to storytelling.

season 1 of stranger things is so simple. there is One Monster. that is the danger. and somehow, that single monster manages to be a thousand times more terrifying than all of these new "bigger, scarier, more epic" threats crammed into the second two seasons.

how goofy is the stranger things season 3 plot, seriously? russians are blackmailing a small-town mayor so they can buy up land to steal power from the town while operating a secret lab under the mall to open a gate to the Upside Down (WHY?), while simultaneously a remnant of the malevolent force that was "defeated" last season has reanimated itself and is making people scarf chemicals (WHY?), and then it possesses one of them and uses that person to possess a bunch of other people in order to build itself a body made out of melted people, in order to kill el, whose only story this season is breaking up with her boyfriend, and we have to infiltrate this russian base in order to close the gate (same endgame as last season - BIG NO-NO) to kill the goo monster, except last time the "mindflayer” survived the gate being closed, so why would this even WORK, and -

the fact that there are so many "round-up/info dump" scenes where characters summarize what's going on and make implausibly accurate connections/guesses about what it all must mean is a red flag. the characters shouldn’t have to tell your story to the audience. if it's too complicated for us to keep straight on our own, it's too complicated.

the amount of energy that goes into trying to lash together a Chaos Plot with too many shaky legs leaves nothing left over for nuanced character development or mood establishment. you're constantly running to catch up to your own flimsy story before it collapses on top of itself.

2. the horror!

S1 of stranger things was the scariest thing i'd ever seen.

granted, i don't watch a lot of horror, because i don't like it. i get scared too easily and then i legitimately can't sleep. i watched a horror movie five years ago that i still think about every time the lights are off in my house. but still, ST1 was something i had never experienced before.

it wasn't creature horror, and it wasn't just suspense. it was the UNSETTLINGNESS of it all. it wasn't really about the monster. it was about the Upside Down.

the reason ST1 is so successful is because of how much we don’t know. it's the horror of not understanding what is happening, and the terror of knowing that nobody thinks it’s real. feeling like you're going crazy and being cut off from all assistance. the conspiracy and the cover-up. and the sheer unsettlingness of the whole parallel worlds things just tipped me over the edge - the idea that you can take one wrong step and then be suddenly and without warning completely off the map, simultaneously right next to the people you want to get to and also utterly beyond their reach. that was fucking scary!!!!

and they do it all with so little. i have literally never been more scared in my life than when i would see those christmas lights start flickering. and they're just LIGHTS! yes, we see the monster later, but it's the uncertainty that's most frightening. we don't understand how it arrives in our world, and we don’t know where it will show up next. it could be right next to you - on the other side. you could be standing on top of it. you just don't know. it’s like what jonathan says to nancy in her bedroom - “it can’t get us in here.” and she says, “we don’t know that.”

the later seasons of stranger things, by comparison, did not scare me at all. season two was like a zombie movie - hordes of weak enemies that you can just shoot with a gun. and season 3 was even less frightening - upping the ante and making things gorier, more explosive, and bigger just isn't the vibe they set in S1. i'm not scared of that giant goop monster. it's like godzilla. it's not horror; it's just a lot of noise.

the unsettling, "creep" factor that made season 1 so effective was gone. it just turned into a regular old monster movie, and i didn't find that particularly interesting.

3. illogical, captain

a while ago there was a wave of pushback against people complaining about plot holes, but you know what? there is, in fact, an appropriate place for us to talk about plausibility, as well as the point at which our suspension of disbelief collapses.

ST3 is a bona fide plausibility disaster. i did not believe half of the story, because it was not unfolding in a believable way.

half of the plot points in this season would not have happened if the characters had been behaving with any kind of sense. it is absolutely impossible for me to believe that none of these children IMMEDIATELY went to joyce or hopper the minute they knew something weird was going on. it makes no sense. after the shit they've seen? it makes sense in season 1, because the kids are still so young that they have that kind of magical thinking that makes all of this seem kind of like an adventure. but they're teenagers now, and developmentally, they’re past that stage. they know the evil creature is back and they're pretty sure it's possessing billy? for some unfathomable reason, they don't go to an adult, but try to trap billy in the sauna and just see what happens. the other group has actual proof that russian soldiers are up to something shady in the mall? they don't tell an adult; they send a TEN YEAR-OLD in through the AIR DUCTS to investigate the secret room guarded by MEN WITH GUNS.

this is ridiculous. none of this should have happened. none of this WOULD have happened. it breaks the boundaries of disbelief. it completely sabotages the audience’s engagement with the story - joyce and hopper's whole detour with alexei and murray is so dull, because its entire purpose is to bring hop and joyce up to speed on something that we, the audience, already know. the other characters already found out this stuff, but did not communicate it - the gate is being opened again in a russian lab underground. there's no suspense for us. nothing new is revealed. we're just waiting for them to hurry up and finish finding out so we can move on to the next thing.

moreover: there are so many other problems besides just "these characters would have talked to each other." why on earth would murray, whose sole characteristic is extreme paranoia, take alexei wandering around the festival for hot dogs and carnival games. why would hopper be so virulently against the possibility that weird shit might be happening again? does he remember the past year or what? how on earth would the kids be able to fight off that massive monster with an ax and a hunting rifle? it's made out of dead guts and bones; why does it care if they shoot it?! how in the WORLD is this russian facility so penetrable? i'm sorry, it's just - beyond believable. it doesn't have cameras? the russians guards really can't tell that murray isn't a native speaker? they don't check his id when they don't recognize him? joyce and hopper really just got that lucky, to be asked a question and have “smile and nod” be the right answer? nobody ever got shot? it's silly. it's just silly. so many things - erica uses the "Open" button to open the elevator door in order to let steve and robin and dustin inside, but once the elevator is at the bottom of the shaft, robin explains the door's inexplicable non-opening because......you apparently need a keycard to use the buttons???? THAT MAKES NO SENSE; ERICA JUST USED THE BUTTONS A SECOND AGO.

even the entire endgame of this season is a contradiction! if the mind-flayer survived el closing the gate last time, it doesn't make sense that closing the gate this time would kill it. literally the entire plot of last season was "we need to get this thing out of will, because the creature will die once the gate is closed, and we want to make sure will doesn't die with it." but apparently the creature didn't die upon closing the gate; it just got trapped in our dimension. but now apparently it WILL die upon closing the gate. for whatever fucking reason.

i'm sorry, but that’s a mess. that’s a bona fide mess.

4. watch your tone

i honestly think the tonal change is the thing that made me the most frustrated about this season. it's possible to have a terrible plot and still stay relatively true to your characters - you'll still have a bad season, but at least you didn't bastardize your characters in the process.

i had issues with S2 and i definitely was not as impressed with it as i was with S1, but at least in S2 joyce and hopper were recognizable. in S3, i felt like i was watching strangers. the tonal shift was bizarre and off-putting, more so with hopper than joyce, but it affected both of them.

even as early as the very beginning of this season, i was feeling weird about how often hopper was being used for comedy. and as the season progressed, this trend only became more pronounced. almost every scene we had of him felt silly - and not like there was just something funny in the scene for me to laugh at, but like the audience was almost being asked to laugh AT him. like he was constantly the butt of the joke.

this really bothered me. from that incredibly sincere and heart-wrenching portrayal of him in season 1, when they kept him rooted in the trauma of losing his daughter and the breakdown of his marriage, and then how that same trauma made him so driven to save will and protect the kids - what a change. even in season 2 i was frustrated how the throughline of his daughter wasn’t touched again until the very last episode, and now in season 3 we’ve left that part of him so far behind that he's just there for us to laugh at. we're supposed to laugh at scenes of him being drunk and a mess. every scene he's in is either him arguing with joyce for comedic relief or being way over the top with alexei or the mayor. he was like a caricature of himself, and i didn't recognize him.

joyce suffered from the same thing, just by virtue of proximity. she spent almost all of her time in this season with hopper, and virtually all of that time was taken up with silly shenanigans or comically overblown arguing. what a departure from the desperate mother of season 1, who was maligned by everyone in town and only taken seriously by the audience. now it’s the audience who are supposed to be chuckling at her.

i dunno. the tone shift was very dramatic, very obvious, and it impacted the entire season. are we supposed to be taking this seriously or is it supposed to be a joke? a little bit of humor to break tension can be a good thing, but when it's constant, it confuses the mood.

and i personally don't think it was appropriate or respectful to either of these characters, in this case.

SMALLER THINGS THAT BOTHERED ME:

this show has 100% hit maximum character saturation. by the end of this season there were 13 core characters onscreen at the same time, in the same scene! it’s too many people! they cannot reasonably develop that many people in the space allotted.

i still am not interested in max. i don't feel anything for her. she doesn't feel real. i don't hate her, but she's just an empty vessel, and i really do think she's superfluous to this show. i think you could remove her with very little reworking and the show would be stronger for it. (they TRIED to do something interesting with billy, and i might have cared if we had been given literally any reason to care about him previously, but there was no investment earned there. they didn't do the front-end work to make him somebody we were interested in.)

weird relationship sunderings from previous seasons. i felt very strange about jonathan barely even seeing will this entire season. i felt very strange about steve having almost zero contact with nancy. i felt very strange about joyce hardly ever interacting with her kids. all of these were core relationships - the characters were BUILT on those relationships, and they don't feel real outside of them. not seeing these characters devote time to these relationships makes it feel like i'm watching a slightly different show.

the VIOLENCE. apparently this is a beat-em-up now??? i really felt like every other scene somebody was getting beaten to a bloody pulp. there was SO much smashing and bashing and throwing people into walls and fistfights and head trauma like - first of all, i find that stuff pretty boring, and second of all, all of these people should be in the hospital.

the GORE. other people’s mileage may vary, obviously; i just didn't like that. i looked away at the scene with the rat, and all this...goopy dissolving human shit, and the stabbings, and just...general grossness level - season 1 managed to be bloodcurdlingly terrifying without any of this stuff.

i know this borders on nitpicky, but yet more medical malfeasance - another example of someone receiving an injection via the mysterious 90 degree angle neck route, plus - was anyone else losing it at the fact that steve and robin “puked up” a drug they received……..via injection?????? IT’S NOT IN THEIR STOMACHS, FOLKS! THEY CAN’T PUKE IT UP! IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT!

the complete lack of follow-up to last season. the whole S3 plotline (such as it is) feels like a weird side quest. last season seemed to be furthering the mythos and setting us up for "there are other children like el/brenner is alive" - but this season, that fact appears to have been forgotten by everyone (even el!!!) and has nothing to do with the story that we're given, which is a goofy and redundant story about russians opening a secret lab under the mall which requires us to solve the exact same problem as last season (closing the gate).

this show's inability to keep certain throughlines in its headlights/keep things visible on the periphery instead of dropping them completely and then bringing them back whenever they feel like they need it again. i already talked about hopper’s daughter as an example of this (done well in S1 and poorly in S2 and S3). another example is that scene with nancy and her mom - it’s such a good scene, and yet it misses out on so much resonance, because they completely dropped the plotline of karen feeling locked out of her kids’ lives and desperately wanting to connect with them. if they had continued to reference that throughout season 2, then this scene would have been so much more powerful. as a third example, season 3 starts with a clear context/premise, and it’s INTERESTING - the town landscape changing because of the mall, business slow to non-existent, small town discontent over big corporations moving in, hopper pressured to break up the protest against mayor kline when he should have let it proceed - and then the show just drops that entire context. you expect season 3 to stay rooted in the "our small town is being strangled by this mall" and then to eventually deal with the revitalization of hawkins, but nah. it's never mentioned again.

LASTLY:

i'm not really gonna get into hopper "dying," because he's, like...clearly not dead. but the whole situation was stupid and contrived (i was so sick of that arnold schwarzenegger lookalike by the last episode, god that whole thing was so dumb) and it's even cheaper knowing that he'll obviously be back.

what i AM gonna say is that i was livid that they brought back that peter gabriel cover of "heroes" to end this season. their use of that song in S1 blew my mind - it had me stunned with how GORGEOUS it was and just, the way it worked in that particular scene - absolutely incredible. floored me. gave me chills. to recycle it at the end of such a poorly constructed season made me so mad. yOU CAN'T MAKE ME FEEL THINGS JUST BY REUSING THIS SONG. I REFUSE TO HAVE EMOTIONS JUST BECAUSE YOU PULL OUT THIS BEAUTIFUL TRACK THAT YOU ONCE USED TO GREAT EFFECT; YOUR STORY WAS STILL TERRIBLE THIS TIME AROUND; DO NOT TRY TO TRICK FEELINGS OUT OF US THAT HAVEN’T BEEN EARNED.

and that's it. i’m sure later i’ll think of other things i neglected to mention here, but...yeah. i was not impressed.

#i finished yesterday #holy moly #interdimensional babysitters club

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irrevocably-delicious · 5 years

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Cultivating an enjoyable video games experience with non gamers aka How do I get my non-gamer significant other to play games with me?

Video games.

Once a niche hobby of adult programmers in the 70s, before targeting 10 year old boys in the 80s and 90s, video games are now a mainstream hobby and entertainment product that has shown tremendous growth in the past 30 years. While films and serialized shows have shown some developments, with new technologies and the invent of streaming, the gaming industry has undergone a complete transformation in only a few short decades. Entire genres have been created, along with improved graphics, mechanics, and storytelling.

But with more people getting into video games now more than ever, the age-old question continuously resurfaces:

“How do I get my significant other to play video games with me?”

And it’s an understandable question! Games are an important hobby to some, and it’s nice to be able to share in that passion and joy with the person you love most. I completely understand this. I’m a cosplayer and I’ve definitely conned my boyfriend into pressing seams for me or sitting in hour long panels about EVA foam. It’s not exactly his number 1 priority, but we have fun together doing it, and he’s able to appreciate my craft a little more because of it.

Similarly, he’s not an artist, but he always helps me table in Artist Alley, gives advice on new prints to make (“If you’re going to make a niche DnD print, at least display it near the DnD stuff to be a conversation starter”) and stays up til 2am cutting stickers with me. It’s exhausting, but we have a lot of good memories from doing it together.

It’s nice to include your significant others in activities that bring you joy.

So how the hell do you convince your partner to engage with video games… if they never have before? And what kinds of games are going to give you the best experience?

Hi. Welcome. This is where I come in.

I’m not a gamer. At all. I’m awful at video games. Whilst my boyfriend was growing up and devouring every console he could convince his parents to buy, I was being a horse girl. No Halo for me today, sir, I have a showjumping class to attend. The only video game I would willingly participate in was Singstar during sleep overs, and that was because I was a musical theatre kid and knew this would be the only video game that I could completely decimate my peers with. Street fighter? No thank you. But I will wreck your shit with Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne.

But somehow, even though this is my upbringing, I have to acknowledge the fact that over the past 10 years I’ve actually played… a lot of video games. I think I’ve figured out the key. I think I’ve distilled the answer. Now obviously this is purely based on my experience, and everyone will have slightly different results, but I will now present you with my scientific anthropological findings of how you may be able to repeat this process.

“How do I get my significant other to play video games with me?”

Now I think there are two ways to go about this.

1. Play a video game together where both of you are holding a controller and in charge of some aspect of the game. Ie. Character, assistant, the right foot, etc.

Now I realize this seems obvious.

“You mean I can play a video game with my significant other by actually playing a game with my significant other??? Uhhhh yeah…. I WOULD THINK SO”

But hear me out. Out of the two ways you can go about this, I actually think this is the hardest way (I’ll explain why soon). My partner and I do not often play games together like this. What we usually do, and what I would be more likely to recommend is:

2. Play a game where you (the gamer) have the controller, and your SO participates or watches from the couch.

This is what my boyfriend and I usually do, and it’s the less likely of the two options to cause arguments, fights, and tears.

But let’s first look at option 1.

Playing a game together

Do you remember when you were in high school and you had to do a film study for a semester? And your teacher would explain all the different camera shots and angles and what they meant? A low angle shot where a character towers above makes them seem intimidating. A character cloaked in shadow indicates that the character is sneaky.

Your teacher told you all this, but in reality, all of these meanings were probably pretty obvious to you. You intuitively knew what they meant because you had been raised on watching movies. You were already familiar with this language of film because it had always been present in your life.

Well guess what? Video games have a language too.

And just like film, if you have played video games your whole life, you might be surprised at just how much of this language you have absorbed, and how much of this literacy is REQUIRED to play a modern video game.

The fact that triangle is always jump, x to interact, L2 to aim, R2 to shoot, circle to crouch, square to reload… all of that is assumed knowledge that you would probably have ingested over time, so it comes completely natural to you now.

Your SO doesn’t know any of this. They probably don’t even know that the L and R buttons exist. I didn’t. I still forget.

This is why choosing a game to play together is so difficult. When you finally do choose one? You have to be patient. You cannot get annoyed when your SO has to ask every five minutes what jump is again. They may have difficulty navigating around menus and UI. They may have difficulty moving around in game. Side scrollers are pretty intuitive, but games that require you to position a camera? Ie. Most third person or first person anything? Oof. That’s hard. They might fall off a lot of bridges or stare at the ground a lot. This is a skill you have to build up. You have it already. They don’t. It’s important to remember that saying anything like “You can do it, it’s easy!” or “Why are you having so much trouble with this?” is NOT HELPFUL. It’s only going to make your SO feel stupid/bad. Remember, they don’t give a shit about video games. Their life has been just fine without them until now, and it will continue to be just fine without games. They are only doing this FOR YOU. So why would you want to make someone feel stupid for just trying to make you happy?

Treat them like a baby deer. Gently. Tentatively. You are slowly drawing them into the clearing. Any harsh comment will send them running.

Based on all this, here are some recommendations on games that work well to play with your SO.

1. Games you are SUPPOSED to be bad at.

You know how I just talked about how there are general conventions over controls? And that it can be frustrating for your SO to learn these whilst they come intuitively for you?

Well what if you eliminated that disparity by playing games where the controls intentionally make no goddamn sense? By playing a game with whacky controls, it evens the playing field. Your SO is learning and struggling with controls, but so are you! This way your stupidity is not humiliating, it creates a sense of comradery. There’s no shame, just silliness and fun. The game I played with my partner that made me first realise the genius of this was… Octodad.

Octodad is collaborative. It’s an absolute nightmare to control, but for once my boyfriend’s muscle memory was actually a detriment. He would instinctively go to move like he would in other games, but that’s not how Octodad works. So he was rewiring his muscle memory whilst I was just a blank slate.

“Trigger to grab things? Yeah sure. Why not? I don’t know any better.”

It also hits that sweet spot of being short enough that the silliness doesn’t grow stale, and has a sincere enough story that you do become invested in the fate of the octopus in your hands.

10/10 Octodad. Highly recommend.

Other games in this genre that I feel would be worth a look:

- Man Fall Flat

- QWOP

- Surgeon Simulator

- Super Bunny Man

2. Hey! It’s Nintendo!

Ah Nintendo. It’s where most children start, so it seems like a logical place for a burgeoning gamer to begin. But specifically, what I want to recommend are the range of excellent Nintendo party games that are simple to navigate, fun, and often cooperative. I can’t play an FPS, but Mario Kart comes very easy to me…. Or as easy as it does to anyone. Similarly, Mario Party requires almost no video game literacy, and you can introduce it to your SO as “It’s just a board game that happens to be a video game”.

Although we do joke about Mario Kart and Mario Party being “friendship killers” because of their competitive nature and how easy it is to sabotage other players. If you are worried about these games maybe causing to much distress, I would also recommend the tried and true Wii Sports or the more modern 1-2-Switch. It has a cow milking game! It’s fun! And you can laugh at one another as you make terrible dick jokes.

I DO NOT RECOMMEND SUPER SMASH BROS. THAT IS NOT AN INTRODUCTORY GAME.

If you really want, play it on co-op team mode.

In summary, when picking a game to play with your SO my general recommendations are:

- make sure the game has very simple controls and linear movement (if any at all)

- or have a game with bonkers controls so you can learn them together

- avoid competitive games to start. Or play competitive games that require no video game literacy. The best FPS or Tekken player is NOT going to win Mario Party. It’s just luck.

Playing games this way with my partner is fun, but not how we usually play games. This is because if I want to play a AAA title, or maybe a great JRPG I’ve heard about, I have to move on to the second method.

Playing games where the gamer has the control and the non-gamer watches/participates via other means.

This is how my partner and I generally play games. Because my partner is the one holding the controller, navigating the game, combat and menus, I am not required to have any of that assumed knowledge I mentioned earlier.

But how can you make watching a video game compelling?

It’s actually not as difficult as you might imagine, but you’re right in that it does rule out a chunk of games. If you have grand dreams of your non-gamer girlfriend fawning over your sweet League of Legends skills… then I think you need a bit of a wake-up call. Competitive online games, FPS and sports games (such as FIFA) are generally not fun to watch. This isn’t a blanket statement! Some non-gamers could find these fun. But generally, if you don’t know the skill it requires to perform certain moves or strategies, or are unfamiliar with even the basic rules… these games just look like a mess.

Me watching someone play Overwatch: “Wow… I suddenly have motion sickness”

I find the most compelling games to watch are: Narrative driven

Think of all the games that are basically movies with some gameplay thrown in. Uncharted and the Tomb Raider reboot are just long form Indiana Jones movies. The Last of Us is a survival, drama, horror movie that makes you question your morals and how far you are willing to go to help humanity. The Witcher captures a rich narrative and lore comparable only to the Lord of the Rings films. The Yakuza series might be the best mob movie I’ve ever seen. All of these games are great and as engrossing to watch as they are to play. Lovable characters, compelling obstacles, and a good dose of spectacle keep them entertaining. Narrative driven games are my favorite to just sit and watch whilst my partner plays.

However, “narrative driven games” encapsulates thousands of titles, with some being more suited to watching than others. To help narrow down games that are enjoyable without a controller, I’ve narrowed it down into 3.5 sub categories.

1. Games with a looser/more predictable narrative, but the visuals are just so damn appealing

2. Choice based games – with the sub category of puzzle games

3. Mediocre games, but they’re fun

Each of these categories creates a uniquely different gaming experience, ranging from a cinematic “sit and watch” style, to a higher participation, more co-operative team based style. Let’s start with the first as it’s the easiest to define.

1. Games with a looser narrative, but engrossing visuals

Sometimes games will have a good story, but you’re just not sure if it’s good enough to sustain someone’s attention for 20+ hours. Maybe it’s a little predictable. Maybe you know the hero is destined to save the day. Will this be enough to hold my SOs attention?

And I think you are really the only one to answer that.

But let me first tell you about one of my favorite games, and probably only the second game I ever played with my partner.

DMC.

I fucking adore this game.

Eat my ass. It’s great.

But is the story that great? I mean it’s cool. Half angel, half demon boys. Long lost twin brothers. An evil demon who killed your father and has now essentially become a mob boss and corrupted your city. It’s cool. It’s interesting enough, but at the end of the day, you know Vergil is going to betray you. You know your cardboard cut out girlfriend(?) is going to be a liability. You know you’re going to defeat that demon boss with your big sword.

But god damn, if it isn’t a riot to watch. Devil May Cry has some of the most stylish and slick combat, that it’s really entertaining to just witness. You can cheer on your SO on as they climb up to a SSS ranking and maintain their combo over 5 whole minutes. The soundtrack is blasting. The level design and art direction are stunning. Watching Dante get dragged into Limbo is always an experience, and you’re never quite sure what you’re going to walk into this time. DMC still has one of the most inventive boss fights I’ve ever seen and I’m honestly waiting for another game to top it.

So, I think if your visuals are captivating enough… that can definitely save a game with maybe just a good to average story. It’s just a treat for the senses.

Other games I would put in this category would be:

- The Arkham games, particularly Arkham City and Arkham Knight. God the combat is just great to watch, with each punch really feeling brutal and heavy. The spookiness of Gotham is eerily beautiful, and finding all the easter eggs in the world is a real treat.

- The latest Spider-man game from Insomniac games

- Breath of the Wild – I just like… being in this game

-Nier Automata – this one is a bit weird. I wasn’t sure which category to put it in, but felt because of the interesting mechanics and gimmick of playing over and over again to reveal more of the world and story, I decided to put it here.

2. Choice based games

This is definitely my favorite type of game to play, and the one that I think is the easiest to engage with, despite the lack of controller in my hand.

The whole reason I started playing games with my partner is because he was playing a game and after a while I just… sat down… and started watching.

The game was Mass Effect 3, and I just became really involved in the story and the choices my partner was making. We have since gone back and played the entire Mass Effect series multiple times, and I feel it really exemplifies what is so fantastic about playing a choice-based game with a non-gamer.

Choice based games still allow your SO to be heavily involved. If you are letting your SO make choices, then they are still playing the game. Just because I wasn’t the one actively shooting Collectors does not mean I had no impact on our game experience. It was my choice to cure the genophage. My choice to spare the Rachni queen, and you can be damn sure that it was my choice to romance Garrus across the series. Choice based games are fantastic for keeping your SO engaged and the two of you can cultivate your own story and endure consequences together.

Obviously I love Mass Effect, but some similar games in this style would be:

- Until Dawn

- The Witcher

- The Persona series – but be careful! These games are long so may not be great as an introductory game

Visual Novels! – Visual novels are excellent for this! They’re purely choice based, and it doesn’t matter who is clicking the next button. For an added amount of goofiness, take on roles and do stupid voices. Do it. It’s great. Nothing makes me laugh harder than romancing an anime schoolgirl with an old man voice.

They’re short, but can be replayed for a different ending if you wish. My partner and I played Dream Daddy together multiple times and were avid about who our favorite dads were. I liked Robert and Craig. My partner liked Damian and Brian.

My partner and I have actually just started playing a new visual novel, but along with it being choice based, I would also classify it as a puzzle/problem solving game.

2.5 Puzzle/problem solving games

Puzzle games are great for a similar reason as choice-based games, as they keep your SO involved. Only this time they are helping to problem solve. Many times I’ve been able to figure something out before my boyfriend, so I can go “ohhhh take that, drop it here, then move that here” and it’ll work!

Currently we’re making our way through the Danganronpa series, which is a bit of a hybrid between a visual novel and puzzle game. It’s not a difficult game to control or navigate at all, so I could play it on my own, but I like playing it with my partner as we bounce theories off of one another and work together to solve a crime. I’ll remember certain pieces of evidence he doesn’t, or he’ll remember one throw away line from the opening 3 minutes of the game that is now an alibi. During free time, we’ll each pick a character to talk to, so we both get to learn more about our favorite characters.

“I wanna talk to Sakura because she seems sweet and I want her to have friends”

“Ok, then I’ll talk to Mondo because he seems funky.”

And so on. The process is collaborative.

Some games of a similar genre that might be fun:

- Catherine from Atlus

- Portal 1 and 2

- The Phoenix Wright series

- Resident evil 2 – this one is a bit odd, but resident evil 2 is almost a memory game as you work to remember all the things you’ve picked up, the pieces you need to unlock doors, and prioritize the weapons you’ll take with you. “No take the grenade rounds. If we’re going in the offices, we left that face hugger there, remember?”

Finally this brings us to our third category, and also the most difficult to explain. So I’ve just called it:

3. Average Games, but there’s just something enjoyable about them

Sometimes games are just… fun. Sometimes the story is alright, the gameplay is repetitive, but the characters and writing are just so inherently likeable or interesting that you can keep watching. For me, this whole category was created as a way for me to justify my fondness for the Saints Row series.

Saints Row is, on paper, pretty unremarkable. It’s a ridiculous series of games about a street gang coming into fame and eventually political power, and the outlandish things they have to do to climb that ladder. Often cited as a “GTA clone” the gameplay is repetitive and almost boring at times, with most of the missions falling into the “Go here, kill people” category. The world isn’t particularly pretty or interesting. It’s just a city. One that you’ve seen a million times if you’ve played any city-based open world game.

So why do I love this unremarkable series? Why am I oddly attached to these characters?

Ultimately, I think it comes down to the characters being written with a certain amount of honesty, and the interactions between them feel genuine and oddly heartfelt. I don’t really care about rival gangs or accumulating money, but if it lets me ride in the car and have another sing along with Pierce, then I’m going to do it.

I like the weird sexual tension between the Boss and Shaundi, which only seems to become more prominent if you play as the female Boss. I love Matt Miller and him ranting about his Nyte blayde fan fiction. I like finding out the Boss has read Jane Austen.

It’s just silly and fun, with a good amount of ridiculous spectacle. It’s definitely not a series that I could recommend. It just kind of appealed to something in me. I think there are lots of games that could fit this category. Most people will say that the Borderlands series is “Alright” but it has a lot of fun dialogue and characters who keep it entertaining. Similarly, despite lack luster reviews, I know a lot of people really enjoyed the 2013 Deadpool game because Deadpool was written just like he is in the comics.

This category is the hardest to nail, and you may go through several games that you think are “hilarious” or “crazy fun” that just don’t gel with your SO. That’s ok. As you play more, you’ll eventually be able to develop a sense of each other’s tastes and what will appeal to you.

General Advice in closing

TL;DR, here are some good parameters to stick to until you reach a consensus of what games your SO might enjoy.

- Games with a good story and compelling characters will always be entertaining

- If the combat is long and takes up a good proportion of the game, it should be visually interesting to look at. If the combat is repetitive or boring to watch, it should clip along at a good pace and only come in short bursts. Bonus points if there’s party banter!

- Start with shorter games, then build up. It’s a big demand on someone to sit through a 60+ hour game for your first few attempts. Maybe put that Tales game on the shelf for now.

I’ve tried to keep this advice general, but obviously you and your SO will have different interests, and you should appeal to those. I love anime. I love hot boys. Due to these factors, I am more than willing to sit through a long form JRPG about two rival noble boys, as it appeals to my weeb sensibilities. This is not something I would expect others to be able to do.

I generally don’t like films about heists or organized crime. It’s just not a genre that appeals to me, so asking me to sit through Grand Theft Auto is probably not the wisest choice. I have played GTA5 for those that are curious, and it’s not my favorite. It’s definitely not bad, and I do expect other non-gamers would be entertained playing through the story of it. There’s definitely a good story there! It’s just not one that satisfies all of my needs. Just like how I don’t expect every person to love sitting through God of War or Jak and Daxter.

Getting to learn each other’s likes and dislikes takes time. Favorite movies can be a bit of an indicator, but transferring to a different medium complicates things. The most important thing is to listen to each other and be respectful. If your SO doesn’t like your favorite game of all time, that’s not a personal insult. You are likely just experiencing the game in a different way than they are, and they can’t relate to that.

Along with being respectful, obviously don’t pressure your SO into anything. Sometimes you’ll find that your SO might not want to play games with you because they had such an awful experience trying to play with their exes or other friends previously. I know I was really hesitant to ever pick up a controller again after an incident where I couldn’t navigate my character over a log, because I was not used to controlling a camera, and was made to feel really stupid and useless. I threw up my hands and said “Fuck this shit” for a long time. Your SO might be hesitant to play games with you because they worry that you’ll just get frustrated with how bad they are. You can reassure them that this won’t happen, but it’s still their choice to say no.

At the end of the day, it’s ok to have different hobbies. You don’t have to share everything. If you are lucky enough that your non-gamer SO might want to try playing games with you, then be kind, and be patient. When picking games to play together, try to pick something you can both enjoy. Go on a journey together. Have fun!

It’s a game after all.

#video games #gamers #storytelling #how do I tag this?#essay #advice #review #i write stuff #opinion #blog

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sailor-cresselia · 5 years

Text

Zi-O Episode 33: featuring the Power of Music

So, RiderTime Fansubs picked up Zi-O starting with the Agito arc. They’ve already got their release of ep 33 out, so I’m using their version this time around.

Now then! Onward!

Tekken 7 returns! And it’s being played by the latest Hibiki’s pupil! … Or, his FORMER pupil. Looks like he dropped out of Oni training. So, Heure ‘offers’ him the chance to A; help lure Hibiki out into the open, and B; become an Oni.

Of course, said method of becoming an Oni is a bit… unconventional.

Oh WOW, I really like Another Hibiki’s look. He gets to go all in on the traditional Oni theme!

((WHOOPS ALMOST FORGOT TO PUT THE READ MORE IN MY BAD))

Sightings of harness-less Geiz: Two? Two. He apparently takes it off to sleep, and to work out… in the middle of the shop. (Oh, sweetie…) Also, clearly under the harness, jacket, and poorly-fitting pants, Geiz is ripped.

See, this is why you don’t work out in the middle of the path. A distracted Woz will walk right into you! And incidentally make your lack of harness a REVEAL.

Also Geiz’s first reaction to being nearly stepped on is to assume there’s an Another Rider. I mean, there IS, but that’s not it.

WAIT NO DRAT he’s still wearing the stupid harness. Drat. It just blended in better than it usually does. ...My point about his choice of location still stands.

Woz. Woz? You okay there? Why do you not want to let Sougo remember it’s his birthday? Why are you so dead set on that, that you stop his uncle from saying it?

The boys have one brain cell, and it looks like it’s not Woz’s turn to have it today.

For SOME reason, Junichiro decided that he’s going to bring out Sougo’s elementary school yearbook. Since he has this one, I’d assume it’s from the 2009-2010 school year, so Sougo would have been 9. That would make it… 3rd grade, since he turned 9 that April. And looks like he had a classmate that even Sougo thinks was odd, but they still cheered each other on. But really, Sougo thought that Tsutomu was odder than him. That. That says something.

(As Junichiro goes to reheat breakfast, him and Woz share A Moment of ‘We’re Totally Not Conspiring Or Anything.’)

Also, Tsutomu said that ‘his master was Hibiki, a great Oni’. That’s actually really cute.

The thing is… Asumu was, like, 14 when he met Hibiki in 2005, and Hibiki was a bit reluctant to take HIM on. So… Tsutomu was WAY too young to be studying for that type of thing.

And the Zi-O trend of ‘finding the next Rider by Coincidence’ continues. Sougo and Geiz come to the same conclusion immediately – “Hey, maybe we can find Kamen Rider Hibiki and his Watch!”

Sougo knowing about Hibiki actually works, too, according to past events in Zi-O. Decade used Hibiki against him back during the first episode of the Ghost arc, so Sougo has, technically speaking, seen said rider before. And, as has been previously established by arcs such as Wizard, Tsukuyomi may have the tablet and the fact-finding, but Geiz knows what Riders ‘used to’ exist. Which is now clearly ‘which Riders came before them,’ as opposed to ‘which ones happened once upon a timeline.’

Woz. Woz, the camera’s over here. You’re going the wrong direction. … Oh, wait, no, he’s going upstairs… and immediately dashing all hopes of us seeing a set for even a hallway, as he warps straight into his Storytime Vault. And we’re not getting Hibiki Hibiki, of course. No, we’re getting Kyosuke Kiriya, who… I GUESS has taken over as Hibiki. Or is carrying his watch?

I haven’t watched Hibiki, I don’t really know how the mentor system there works, aside from the fact that it’s a thing.

No I totally didn’t start singing the theme song with my parents around. What are you talking about? That’d be silly.

… I totally sang along by instinct.

… I know they think I’m odd for this already. I don’t even know HOW to explain that I’m liveblogging a show. At least they’re used to my being a fan of kids shows at this point.

(Over Quartzer is TOO DAMN CATCHY)

Geiz: “So there’s no doubt that the next Rider we’re looking for is Hibiki?” And he’s immediately proven right by Another Hibiki taking a flying leap at them.

… Hang on, there was a sound effect right before Sougo and Geiz turned around. Did they hear that? Or something like it? Some sort of acquired ‘time has gone wrong’ sense?

Seriously, the choices for the Another Riders are usually really good. Ever since Another OOO, they’ve been incredible. ...Well, except for Another Quiz, but that’s my preferring to not have brain motifs in character designs.

(Yes, I’m calling out Brain himself with that comment, too. That’s the worst part of his new bike.)

Aw, Woz made Sougo a fruit tart! It’s not nearly large enough for the candles and decorations, but it’s a nice thought!

And he wants to make celebrating his Demon Kings birthday AS EXTRA AS POSSIBLE, to the point that it looks like he’s starting to Blue Screen at not being Extra enough.

His usual IWAEs will not suffice.

(Also I like how the cuckoo clock sound effect trails off despondently as the cake cover rolls on it’s axis.)

CIVILIAN FIGHTS!!! Sougo and Woz are actually doing pretty decently, too. Still not great, but again. Civilian fight against a monster, so it’s in no way a fight on equal grounds.

Geiz is right, that we’d need Zi-O II to beat Another Hibiki without the watch. However, as Sougo points out, Another Hibiki came after them, not the other way around, so they can’t defeat him quite yet. Geiz lands on the same page right after.

I’m so glad these boys are working together. They’re so much better off as a team. And even more so with team transformations!

Ooo, Another Hibiki had only been using hand-to-hand techniques while they were civilians, but once the armor goes on, the drumsticks come out, and Fire Powers are fair game.

“Alright, old power for old techniques!”

“What?! No! You’ve got to use magic against an oni!”

:GASP: SOUGO PULLED OUT THE KUUGA WATCH!

WE’RE GETTING TO SEE THE KUUGA ARMOR!

FINALLY!

ARMOR TIME! KUUGA~!

I like the touch of how Kuuga Armor doesn’t have a ‘catch phrase’ when it finishes going on – the newer riders do, like with Wizard’s “Please”. But Riders didn’t have belt and weapon sound effects until Ryuki, so Kuuga and Agito wouldn’t have anything to work with for their Ride Armors.

Yoooo Another Hibiki has more fire powers than just from his drumsticks! He can breath fire, too!

And here comes one of the Oni, keeping the peace from other Oni. With the kanji for thunder and a SWORD GUITAR.

… OH FOR FUCKS SAKE. IT’S AN ELECTRIC GUITAR.

After some blows are exchanged, Oni-who’s-name-I-don’t-know gets a fire blast tossed at him from yet another direction, knocking both him and Another Hibiki down, and after yelling at whoever just attacked them, he goes off in pursuit of the fleeing Another Hibiki.

Sougo and Geiz have absolutely no idea what’s going on at this point. This is even more confusing for them than how the Quiz Arc started off, isn’t it?

Haha, Tsukuyomi finally makes it down to the (now former) battle field, and all three of them assume that the Oni was Hibiki. Heure, clearly knowing that he wasn’t Hibiki, is about to sulk off...

But then here comes Kyosuke, being all “Nope, that’s Todoroki. I’m Hibiki.” (How dare he cop the salute!)

Ahaha, Sougo’s grin is about to split his face. That is the face of someone who knows that that coincidence and fate have shone upon him once again, and will continue to do so.

(I was talking with @miyukomatsuda recently, and we’ve agreed that if he were a DnD character, Sougo’s player would consistently get great rolls on Insight and Charisma… except where said checks relate to the character himself.)

Cut back to Woz, who is… keeping the main door to the dining room shut, holding the dish cover and cover cloth. Although, it’s nice to see that there IS, in fact, a second door to the area – I can see that the one Sougo usually comes through is shuttered.

...Actually, why does that dining room even have two entries, anyway? There’s only the small wall dividing the storefront from the stairs to the bedrooms, and literally nothing else separating the two, so why is the side door even necessary?

Correction, Woz is hiding in the dining room, attempting to hide the tart, while the Rider Debrief is going on at that small table in the shop.

Ah. Right. Even if we aren’t showing the ‘give a blank watch to the Rider when they’re active’ task anymore, that doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t doing it. (I still need to watch Rider Time Ryuki.) But Kyosuke wasn’t Hibiki in 2005 – he was Hibiki’s pupil. The Zi-O team hasn’t had mentorships and titles being passed down before. It’s not usually a thing with Kamen Rider.

(Usually. I still haven’t seen Kiva or Den-O, either, and I think there was something similar in those? And also there’s how Ghost and Specter have several people using variants of the name, with Daigo having gone by “Zero Specter”, and Ayumu apparently taking up Takeru’s mantle as Ghost in the future. Please note that I’m still flat out ignoring the majority of the Ghost Novel, because of all the uncomfortable implications of several things in there. The STAGE SHOWS, however, are fair game so far.)

Okay, that digression aside.

Kyosuke isn’t wrong in asking them to prove themselves worthy of the Hibiki watch, even if he’s being a dick about it. That is a thing for Oni – they train to get where they are, and have to earn the powers and name.

Of course, his “we provide a blessing to the earth” line draws the attention of a very frazzled Woz, who is trying to figure out the best way to bless his overlords 19th birthday. He’s so desperate to make this the most extra birthday ever, that now he’s trying to call himself the “oni of blessings”. Kysouke is confused by this. Sougo and Geiz think it’s hilarious – Geiz is only making a token effort to hide his laughter, and Sougo isn’t even trying. (Is this what the harness is for? Hiding his emotions?) Tsukuyomi is so done with everything right now. She’s just gonna head out and look for Todoroki. Maybe she’ll find some sane people there. She’d like that, that’d be nice.

By the time they reach the Taiko drums, Woz has snapped, even knocking the other two boys out of the way to get to the center drum, because ‘this is perfect!’

Woz has lost visitation rights for the trinity’s brain cell this week.

Sougo’s worried about him. Geiz is just resigned. “He’ll stay out of our hair this way.”

!! Oh!! Kyosuke and Tsutomu trained together? Or… Hm, Hibiki took place in 2005, with the epilogue in 2006… so Kyosuke could have taken over as Hibiki by 2009/2010, and trained Tsutomu. But again, Tsutomu was, at most, 10.

… Trying to work out this particular timeline is confusing.

Meanwhile, with the one rational person on this team, Tsukuyomi only has to follow the sound of the Electric Guitar.

Oh! Todoroki knows full well that that’s Tsutomu under the Another Hibiki transformation! … I suppose, since Oni are technically alternate appearances… somehow… since they’re both using the Oni abilities, he could see right through it.

Also. Turns out? Kyosuke’s not Hibiki. Todoroki actually seems a bit insulted that he called himself that. (VALID)

So, Sougo might be made of iron defense-wise, but less so weight-lifting wise. Also of note: Geiz has taken off both his harness AND his jacket, leaving him bench pressing… a good amount of weight.

Heeeey, Sougo, did someone convince you to wear pants that fit? Who was it? Where can I find them to give them my gratitude? Your overshirt is still super baggy, but your regular shirt fits pretty normally.

And can whoever got you the fitting outfit go talk to Geiz about his pants?

Ohhh, Kyosuke, telling Sougo to ditch his dream has never once worked.

Wait, okay, it did work. ONCE. Literally one time. And it was technically him telling him that, but as a taunt/dare, so I don’t think it really counts.

Hmm.. But Kyosuke’s saying to stop going after an unobtainable dream, and that you’ll only be met with despair when you can’t achieve it.

He studied under Hibiki.

Todoroki, during their shows run, turned down his masters name – Zanki – instead preferring to use a name of his own choosing as an Oni.

Oni discard their human names upon becoming Oni.

Kyosuke introduced himself with his human name.

Sounds like somebody else flunked out, too.

Tsukuyomi tells the boys to head after Another Hibiki… and is going to have to drag Woz with her. He’s still drumming.

After Heure redirects Todoroki’s attack right back to him, Sougo and Geiz show up. Heure thinks that Hibiki ought to be with them. Pity Hibiki’s not here today, regardless.

GEIZ. Either tell us if using Revive is still dangerous, or stop using Revive. I have to wonder about Sougo’s choice of Ex-Aid, though. Hammers versus drumming, maybe?

Heure’s all but pouting that Hibiki’s not here as he takes his leave. Oh, kid, if you weren’t a bad guy, I’d be able to like you so much better. (get away from swartz)

I thought for a moment that was the original HIT! effect, but nope. It’s still Sougo’s version. To be fair to Sougo, though, I don’t think I’m quite as worried about what it might mean if he gets things right, anymore.

But only not quite as worried. I’m still a little worried.

Cut to Woz, still furiously drumming. Tsukuyomi has to throw a rock at him to get his attention… and he still won’t leave. “He’s got Geiz with him, right? They’re good at working together, they’ll be fine.”

I like that both Woz and Geiz have finally come around to this whole ‘working as a team’ thing. (insert growth.gif here)

Woz: “Anyway! I have to make this celebration perfect!”

Tsukuyomi: “You are literally the only person who likes your speeches. You have no idea how to celebrate people.”

This kills the Woz.

… Woz no. It’s definitely not that you’re not ‘rejoicing’ enough. It’s literally the opposite of that.

A nice Ex-aid armor / Revive Fury team fight… and to finish it, they swap into Zi-O II and Revive Typhoon. Well, Revive Gale, right now, since I’m using the Rider Time subs.

I love that the Zi-O II fight music is the instrumental version of King of Time, because it makes for such a dramatic backing track.

The drama is only intensified by Another Hibiki’s drumsticks growing spikes, lengthening to ABSURD lengths, and catching COMPLETELY on fire.

Ohhh that’s a NICE group finish!

Sougo, even 9 years later, can still recognize one of the only people who he was close to as a kid. (This lonely little dweeb keeps breaking my heart.) He wants to listen to Tsutomu, to see how he can help, to see what led to him becoming Another Hibiki.

Heure is having none of that, still wants actual Hibiki to show up, and re-monsterizes Tsutomu.

… You know, he might have gone after Sougo for a reason. He still recognizes him too, after all. The only problem with that is, Another Hibiki is more monstrous than most Another Riders are. He’s more on the ‘Another Build’ level of losing sight of himself. Worse, possibly, because at least Another Build still had language. But neither of them ever turn back on their own, and even the other… ‘feral’ Another Riders could still do that, like Another Ryuga.

So, Another Hibiki goes after Geiz, Sougo’s down on the ground.

And Kyosuke comes up to stop them from attacking Tsutomu.

He pulls out a tuning fork, and transforms.

Into a white Oni.

One who’s decidedly not Hibiki, and Sougo can tell. See again, Tsukasa used Hibiki against him back during Ghost.

Here comes Todoroki, confirming for us.

Kysouke wasn’t able to become Hibiki, or an Oni of his own. He doesn’t even have a proper Oni name. He’s just an Oni.

Hibiki is a name to be earned.

And Kyosuke didn’t earn it.

Makes it all the harsher that he tried to get the boys to prove themselves to him, when he couldn’t prove himself.

Oh, what’s this? Heure thought that he was Hibiki, too? Interesting.

Even more interesting… Another Hibiki just attacked Oni!Kyosuke, with one of his more powerful attacks.

Preview time:

“I couldn’t be like my master Hibiki.” – That’s Kyosuke.

There’s a shot of Kyosuke and someone who is presumably a 10-year-old Tsutomu.

… Woz, I’m pretty sure even Kougami would think that cake is a bit… much. And he’s KOUGAMI.

Just who… who is Sougo talking to in that last line?

“You were Hibiki.”

Who? WHO was Hibiki?

So, I jumped back to the very beginning, after seeing that shot of Kyosuke and babby!Tsutomu. Heure says that he was “Hibiki’s pupil.”

But Tsutomu doesn’t use the name ‘Hibiki’ when he says that he’s ‘not his pupil anymore.’

Kyosuke. Did you tell Tsutomu you were Hibiki? That’s a dirty lie, bucko.

#kamen rider zi o #sailorcressy says

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shinigami-mafia-imagines · 6 years

Note

Who are your fav and least fav hxh char?

This is actually really really hard cuz I don’t see any of the characters as Bad in the sense of being poorly written and that’s usually what I base my favorites off of. I’ll probably be giving more explanation through the lists.Favorites:5) Alluka Zoldyck - The reason she’s number 5 is because while I adore her and love her personality, I do agree with some sentiments that she was a shoe-horned character in the Election Arc. She’s obviously important to Killua and his character development, but since we haven’t seen much out of her not only in that arc but anywhere in the series, it’s hard to judge her and truly fall in love with her character.4) Kite - Another one that’s more or less iffy for me. I do enjoy his/their character a lot and how important he was to Gon and his development, but I’m of the mindset that if you want to kill off a character, one that’s very important and that you know will further(or destroy) another character’s development, they should stay dead. And you can argue that Queen Kite and Human Kite are different people altogether, but there’s still the fact that Kite somehow got reborn as an Ant even though, as far as we see, there’s no nibbles taken out of his corpse at all. I guess this could be written off as Togashi not explaining his Nen abilities too well or just yet, since apparently that mace he summoned is only ever used when he wants to win or at least get out of a fight alive. 3) Leorio Paradinight - I adore Leorio just like everyone else but my god I can’t help but feel like he’s more 2 dimensional than 3 dimensional. He’s an all around good guy, he does have his faults, but they’re so minor that they aren’t even brought up beyond the Hunter Exam Arc. He wants to give people a free alternative to medicine and getting medical help and that’s amazing. He goes to college, he studies a lot, great. I can understand the struggles of money, sure, but I’d like to see him actually struggle and show more 3 dimensional qualities other than ‘GOOD BOY’. And since we haven’t seen him at all very much this arc, I don’t think we’ll be really seeing him go through the struggles that we want him to go through. There was the election arc where he wanted to see Gon get healed up, we did see him cry when he saw he was okay. But I want to see him when he can’t save someone, where he feels utterly powerless about something, where even if he has his Nen and can detect tumours and what not, he still can’t do anything to help them. I want to see his morals be challenged, I want to see what he will do when faced with a severe choice, one that will leave someone dead or suffering or not in the right state of mind once it’s all said and done. I just want to see him actually face the struggles the other characters have faced so far and not just be this all around good guy.2) Kurapika - We’ve seen soooo much about Kurapika since the start of the series. We know about his past, we know about his morals(somewhat) and we know what lengths he would go to to reach his goals. This current arc does have me scared for Kurapika and what will happen to him. But this is also the second arc where we’re focusing more on him than the other characters which is totally fine, I get it. His whole character arc does need a resolution and a conclusion. And we’ve seen his character develop really well, where he used to prefer doing things on his own, pushing himself too far(and it can be argued that he’s STILL doing this with Emperor’s Time), even questioning himself during Yorknew(at least in the 1999 version). And now he’s more than happy to have help and partner up with a group or individuals in order to ensure the safety of everyone and figure out what the correct course of action is rather than just letting his rage cloud his better judgement. Of course, there’s still so much more to this Arc that we haven’t seen yet so for what could possibly happen, no one really knows. 1) KIllua Zoldyck - I can relate to Killua the most out of all of the cast and that’s why he’s number 1 on the favorites. Throughout the series, we see him grow and develop into a proper human being. He has his hiccups and he has his moments of thinking he can do things alone for his friends’ sake. But he tries his best and he does his best to be the person that Gon has taught him to be. He moved past his horrible upbringing, overcame a fear that he didn’t even know he had, he stood up to his abuser, he saved his little sister from said abuse and potential further abuse, he has made leaps and bounds to try to help Gon and save him from a certain death only for that special friendship to wind up broken to the point that it may not even be repaired. But he’s made so many more friends and a new family that he adores and can be himself around. No need to be afraid of his family, no need to be scared of his older brother coming to get him in the middle of the night, no being alone, no killing people just because his family said to. He is his own person with his own faults and, of course, his own ambitions now. For someone who’s been abused/currently in a bad situation, he’s an inspiration and very obviously goals.Least Favorites:5) Hisoka - Obvious reasons. He’s a well written, very creepy character that you can’t help but like BECAUSE he’s such a creepy, morally ambiguous character. I just wish, you know…He wasn’t the way he was.4) Illumi - Again, obvious. I do adore him, and I do adore writing him, but being abusive, manipulating his younger brother to the point that he actually is so afraid of him as well as just jamming a needle into his brain is just despicable. He’s just downright evil, though he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing. I guess you could call him Lawful Evil? Or at least True Evil. And you could argue that he was made that way by his parents, BUUUUT KIllua was raised almost the same way, so that doesn’t really apply to Illumi. I doubt we’ll see any development for him beyond wanting to control Killua and Alluka, though, which really sucks but HEY at least he’s really fun to write.3) Kastro - NOW PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED. I ADORE KASTRO WITH ALL MY HEART. What makes him a least favorite is the way Togashi wrote him. I hate characters dying for silly or no good reason. I still stand by the fact that the injuries he got would in no way cause him to die, but HEY. I AIN’T A MANGAKA WHAT DO I KNOW? I love Kastro and he deserved better. I wish we got a little bit of background on him, too. Like where he came from, why he was so interested in Martial Arts, What lead him to going to Heaven’s Arena, etc. I made my own little headcanons for him and where he came from, but those don’t even count. Togashi you let me down. Togashi you are my least favorite character(JK I love you and everything you do, please don’t stop writing and being an inspiration).2) Ging/Genthru - These two are together for different reasons, but I wanted to include them both on this list. Ging is a deadbeat dad who made his son feel like absolute shit because he abandoned him. Because of Ging, Gon has severe abandonment issues and we can see that throughout the series in the way he talks and refers to his dad becoming a hunter. I know what it’s like to have those horrible thoughts spin through my head BECAUSE I was made to think I was a burden and shouldn’t have been born by my own parent. It’s just horrible, especially when he doesn’t even show any concern for the boy during the Election Arc.Genthru is on this list more or less because his character as a whole sucks. Can you remember his motive for wanting to blow up the whole player base of Greed Island? I sure as fuck can’t. And if the reason is ‘Just because!’ well guess what, that’s the shittiest thing a character’s motive could be. If there was a a huge treasure at the end of it, or like just a chance to, I unno…maybe get a card made after you? Then I guess I could understand a motive? Greed is a very strong motive for a lot of Shounen Villains, so that’s not too far off. But otherwise, Genthru isn’t that great of a villain and honestly very forgettable.1) Chrollo Lucilfer - Again, I mostly dislike this character more for moral reasons. I do enjoy writing him and I do enjoy his character and what he brings to the dynamic of certain arcs. But as a person, he’s despicable, too. He’s a True Neutral character, only looking out for himself and getting whatever he wants. He only cares for his Troupe and that’s it. He doesn’t shed a tear for people he’s killed for petty reasons, yet he sheds a tear and becomes enraged when one of his own friends is killed either in battle or suddenly and horribly. He could care less about those around him, and purposefully riles others up just for entertainment(this is speculation). He’s the type of character you dread interacting with in a game/DnD because you know that he doesn’t care if you have to die nor does he care if you did die while going to fetch a treasure for him. YOU are the NPC, HE is the Player. Nothing more, nothing less.

#Anon #Favorites #Least Favorites #Hunter x Hunter #HxH #[This turned more into a Headcanon thing more than actual opinions]#[Or at least Chrollo's did lol]

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mbtinsanity-blog · 6 years

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Why I’m Actually Into Myers Briggs

I was one of those kids that took silly online quizzes just because I wanted to know what they would say about me and what that could mean. I knew rationally that the outcome didn’t have any real meaning, but it was fun analyzing the results as if they meant something anyway. It was the reason I was also attracted to astrology, fortune telling, and palm reading, even though I knew there wasn’t credible evidence behind them. See I’m an extremely evidence-based person, a scientist even, if I can live up to that claim. I like when things make logical sense and I don’t simply believe in things without some supporting evidence as free from bias as possible. So naturally I was attracted to Myers Briggs, the psychological marriage of a logical system and human cognition, but for a long time I simply regarded it as a slightly more in-depth version of other personality systems, none of which seemed to have any real evidence supporting them. That is until three years ago. I don’t remember what prompted me into another Myers Briggs rabbit hole (a not-so-infrequent occurrence at the time), but I had begun to explore the cognitive functions behind the four letters for the first time in my life. Learning about the cognitive functions actually helped me decide between two types I had thought were both fitting for me (based on description alone), but were actually complete opposites in their cognitive stack. Anyway, I started following an inspiring Myers Briggs columnist and reading a little more about the role of each function and how it manifests in each position of someone’s stack. There was one particular article she’d written about the process someone goes through when they’re under stress. The general idea is that you come across a problem that you attempt to resolve with each function in your main stack. If each function fails to solve the problem (starting with your first function and then going down the line), you eventually get stuck in your fourth function, I believe what most people call being in the “grip” of your fourth or inferior function. It was interesting stuff and it made more sense than the generic descriptions of types, but I still wasn’t convinced. I liked Myers Briggs, but there wasn’t really any compelling evidence for it being real. Until there was. So here I am, enjoying Myers Briggs with a better understanding of the cognitive functions, but still not really believing the system. Like it was a cool system, but it was just for fun. So, naturally, I go to my best friend’s house and I bring her down the rabbit hole with me. She was a beautifully willing participant, as invested in the fun of personality analysis as I was, but more focused (at least at the time) on the descriptions of types rather than the cognitive functions behind them. She was between two very similar types (ENFJ and ESFJ) and even with my knowledge of cognitive functions I wasn’t able to definitively discern which one she might be. I’d also like to note that I did not go into great detail, if any, about the cognitive functions with her at this time. Her assessment was purely based on personality descriptions. Without any conclusive feelings about her personality type, we moved on. I mean c’mon, we have other things we want to enjoy in life, and what better way to spend time with a friend than through the manifestations of ourselves in some FANTASTIC ROLE-PLAYING? (no seriously, rping is super fun). My bestie was already well-versed in the role-playing universe. She ran her own DnD campaigns, dominated the LARP scene, ran countless other tabletop role-playing scenarios, and all-in-all was a seasoned role-playing nerd. Me? I’d only barely touched Pathfinder, but I was really into role-playing in a free form system, one where the story was negotiated by the players (without any true DM) and not by the luck of dice or a system of predetermined rules. So I wanted to introduce her to this new system and we both went into it with boundless enthusiasm. But if there’s one thing you learn from role-playing, it’s that at some point you are absolutely 100% going to run into conflict. So let’s get into the meat of things, then. We had a set up for getting her character to infiltrate NASA. Why? Because she was going to spontaneously surprise her casual lover (my character) with a visit at work, and I don’t know if you know this, but casual lovers aren’t usually on the NASA guest list. It was a fun scenario! Who doesn’t like a little unnecessarily impulsive bribery and sneakery just to flirt (”flirt”) with your sometimes boyfriend at his workplace? Needless to say, her character shows up in an outfit that is 200% not an outfit you’d wear if you worked at NASA. Now I’m playing an NPC receptionist (NASA’s gotta have at least one) and I imagine as a receptionist at NASA, managing communications between different departments and personnel, that you’re gonna be just a liiiiittle suspicious of an unabashedly sexy lady who walks through the front door in tight pants and bright red stilettos. So I add that the receptionist looks at her character with some skepticism. And so began the single greatest observation I have made thus far in my entire evidence-based life. Immediately, my bestie became a little defensive. I wasn’t really sure why, but she asked me if this was still what I wanted to do. Y’know, were my feelings about this role-playing scenario still positive. And I told her yes, of course, I am having a great time, I’m still committed to this scenario and I am on your side, we will make sure that you character infiltrates NASA. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a satisfactory answer. The balance of our friendship being reaffirmed was not comforting to her (if you know anything about the cognitive functions, this is what it looks like when Extraverted Feeling isn’t making you feel better). There was something else about this scenario that was making her feel threatened, so she tried again. “Okay, well, I’m used to systems I’ve used in past DnD campaigns and other role-playing games and normally a response like this means that my character has already failed.” Now THIS was interesting. A verbal description of Introverted Sensing at work from someone who had no genuine understanding of the cognitive functions. I had to curb my curiosity and keep a straight face as I explained to her that her feelings made sense, but I was trying to introduce her to a new role-playing system where there were fewer predetermined rules and more player negotiations, a system that was less defined and more free form. Needless to say, this wasn’t comforting. By this point, she was visibly stressed and I felt absolutely terrible about it but I continued to observe, waiting to discover some way I could help her feel better. And then she tried again. “Okay well if I were DMing this, I would make sure that your character had multiple options available for infiltrating NASA like being able to flirt her way in or threaten her way in or maybe there’s a card key lying around she could pick up or a family picture she could talk about, get on the receptionist’s good side and persuade her way through.” I’m sure she listed more (and better) possibilities than what I did, but if that’s not a confession of Extraverted Intuition I don’t know what is. And seriously! She did not know what the cognitive functions were. Here she is, this poor people-oriented soul under lots of emotional stress and all I can think of in my head is “SHE IS LITERALLY DESCRIBING HER FUNCTIONS TO ME RIGHT NOW AND SHE DOESN’T KNOW IT, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING”. Okay so the thing here was, I did actually have available options for her to test out, but we hadn’t really gotten through to any of them as we’d only really just started. So I told her not to worry, I do have available options for you and it’s okay. NOPE. It was not okay, and I could tell because she suddenly got very quiet. This was my bestie, my wonderful, talkative, extroverted, people-loving bestie. And she was silent. I could watch the cogs in her head turning for possible explanations, stuck in a logical limbo, and finally when she spoke, she apologized, not understanding why she was under stress, trying to analyze the possible reasons for why she was reacting the way she was reacting. Maybe it was the house we were in, filled with bad memories. Maybe it was some errand she ran earlier that didn’t work out or other little stressors throughout the day that were building up and up and up. Maybe it was the curtains in the room and how she’d told her mom not to order those curtains because they let in too much light in the morning so she couldn’t sleep well or they didn’t match the room right or she told her mom what curtains to buy and then her mom bought these other curtains anyway. I watched her search for explanations for her behavior and fail to understand why she’d reacted the way she had (that’s a shadow function talk for another post). But here she was, exhibiting all the signs of someone stuck in the grip of their inferior function, which in this case was clearly Introverted Thinking. It was like seeing a unicorn; a genuine bonafide certified unicorn. I didn’t do anything to make her say what she said, I only responded to her worries and observed. I was as unbiased and uninvolved a party as I could possibly be while still understanding the material, and she didn’t have any knowledge or understanding of the cognitive functions, which made her as unbiased a study subject as she could possibly be, and she actually described every single cognitive function as she was experiencing it under progressive stress and in the exact order of an ESFJ. I was stunned, the most fascinated and intrigued I’ve ever been in my whole life. Of course I was sure to be sympathetic and understanding on the outside. She’s my best friend after all, I wasn’t just gonna let her be stressed and not help her out of it, so we got some food downstairs and focused on some other friendship activity we could do together. But there you have it. This comes about as close to seeing god as I’ll ever get, and ever since I’ve been a lot more invested in MBTI than is probably healthfully recommended. But I haven’t lost my roots. MBTI is still a system, and the system needs to be tested and checked and is not to be misused to fit people into a category that defines them wholly as a person. All important things to keep in mind as we keep observing people and trying to understand where conflict happens, why it happens, why two people get along or don’t get along, what values are clashing or coming together in the most beautiful way. There is so much to learn from people, so much to learn about people, and having a system that helps talk about how people function in a potentially universal way is worth understanding and investigating. And that’s why I’m actually into Myers Briggs.

#this is long #story time #insights #mbti #cognitive functions

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masterofthez · 6 years

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SF Debris

“Why did you become an English major?” Sometimes their is judgment in their voice, sometimes not. Regardless I get asked that question a fair bit, like many people I’d imagine. If you were to ask most people in my age range who picked this field of study you’ll probably get a few of the same answers. “I’m good at writing papers.” “I was encouraged to do it by a teacher.” “I love to read.” “I LOVED Harry Potter” (that last one is very common, and as time goes on can be replaced by any young adult novel). For me however, it was none of those things. I was never very good at writing papers. I like my English classes, but no ever went out of there way to tell me I should study this. I never really cared for reading growing up. And my opinions on Harry Potter are long and complicated (and I might talk about those later this month). No the reason why I decided to go on this path is because of a series I had stumbled across back in high school. His name is Chuck, and his series is called SF Debris.

Before I get into exactly how he influenced me, I think it’s important to talk about where I was in high school in relation to fiction. As I said, I was not the most well read person in the world at the time. Reading was always really hard form me, and because of that it was simply never something I did for fun. Well, that’s not strictly true. I had started reading comics in middle school, and I had recently stared reading book by this guy named Terry Pratchett. Comics were fairly easy, it let me have a visual aid for events. Terry Pratchett was still hard for me, but I just had so much fun reading the words he put on the page (more then I had with any other book I ever had to read) I just kept going. The book on the whole wasn’t just enjoyable, but the every act of reading his style was enough for me to power though all the trouble I was having. But I never cared for the classics. The Great Gatsby, The Adventures of Huckleberry Fin, Beowulf. All of these were just boring, uninteresting, and just hard to read. It didn’t help that this was High School English. If the book was not viewed as a classic, then I could not talk about it. No comics and no Terry Pratchett. I also liked Science Fiction from various TV shows, but I was not allowed to do that because “science fiction is not art”. That was a quote one of my teachers said that I will remember forever. This is then were SF Debris comes in.

I’ll be honest, I have no idea what the first hing I watched of him was. It might have been is Gargoyles series or his Avatar series, but I just don’t remember. Regardless I started watching his stuff. He was a critic, but not like others I had seen on the internet like the Nostalgia Critic or Angry Video Game Nerd. He wasn’t just looking at bad stuff and making fun of it. He talked about it. He looked at what is was doing. What is was saying. Yes he looked at bad stuff and called it out, but he also looked at good stuff and praised it. And probably most important to me, it didn’t matter what he was talking about, he showed the same level of care that he did with anything else. Everything deserves to be looked at with a critical mind. Even if it’s design for mass audiences. Even if it is a cartoon. Even if it is holey not meant for your audience. He looks at them all the same.

That was important for me to see. A month ago I wrote a paper on a science fiction short story and how it used elements of code-switching to comment on society. In the spring I wrote a DnD campaign, ran it, recorded it, and then critically discussed it in front of a group. In the winter I did a presentation of what Emojis are in today’s English Language. In the Fall I wrote a paper about Terry Pratchett’s Wyrd Sisters as an adaptation for Macbeth. And I love it. Just because they are silly does not mean they are not smart. If I had listened to my teachers back in high school, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be about to graduate from a degree in English with plans to go on until I get a doctorate. No teacher showed me the joy of do this. No book convinced me that I need to tell the world about its brilliance. One man and his silly Science Fiction review show got me to see what literary analysis could be, and I cannot thank him enough.

#sf debris #science fiction debris #science fiction #internet reviewer #internet reveiwer #reviewer #July writing challenge #harry potter #the july writing athon

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bipolarblatherings · 4 years

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Wound me once, shame on you. Wound me 30 times, shame on both of us.

This is all a giant mess.

I find myself amidst a saddening, tortured, infuriating, ridiculous dance of (semi)conflict with a very close friend of mine. She (let’s call her B) is ungodly intelligent and very well-versed in things of the psychiatric nature. I’m a fantastic match for her in almost every way. B has bipolar II. I have bipolar I. We have had many mind-blowing conversations. I haven’t met someone as intelligent and cunning since looking in the mirror. But oh, she sure qualifies.

She twists knives. I hold punches. Stupid, stupid me.

I should provide some background. I’m obsessing about it, so it’s absolutely been eating me for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but I can’t fault you all for ignorance if I don’t do diligence.

Ahem.

B and I have been friends for, well... over 5 years now. My friendship with her (hold your laughter) started in an outpatient DBT therapy group. We were instantly drawn to each other. I apparently had equated something I was sharing about in group to “rolling a nat 1.” I don’t remember saying this, but this is pretty on-brand for me. Nerd alert! She was sold.

I started playing in a DnD campaign with them in a fairly local gaming store. We would go out for cigarettes and dish about whatever - she and her husband and I, and occasionally others. We bonded. We joked. We shared intellectual nuggets about life, the universe and everything. We pondered serious mental health issues and tried to meet in the middle somewhere between bipolars I and II. Another joke we consistently went back to was me telling her “I don’t know how you do it! I’d get whiplash!” and her countering back, “I don’t know how YOU do it!”

It’s true. Cursed as I may be, I don’t think I’d opt for the other side of this coin.

Anywho.

Fast forward through my marriage (to some guy) and a separation which is not a yet a legal divorce because he feels badly for me in that I wouldn’t have health insurance, and we would lack the tax breaks of filing jointly, what with me in my 10th year of college...

B and her husband - let’s call him S - were with me through all of that and then some. Supportive, helpful, welcoming. When she suggested that maybe I should join them in a “thrupple” as their “unicorn,” pansexual, polyamorous, manic me was all in.

I’m sure it’s no surprise that this went fairly sideways quickly. B and I were, by far, farther along than S and I probably would ever be. There was awkwardness. There was unbalance. There was a solidly manic bipolar human (me) who incidentally fed her hypomania into excess (she). We are both very self-aware in general. I do not know that I trust her to be able to walk away from triggering on purpose. It’s the best worst superpower ever. It’s a drug. It’s tantalizing and dangerous. I should know. I’m high on it practically all the time...

Fast forward again.

B and I had a talk the other day after a fairly long and very uncomfortable near-silence. Our last exchange had been awful, and instead of lashing out, I’d gone home and injured myself. Crisis crisis crisisss! We had come to a better place of understanding and calm, and had sensibly addressed it - for about 4.5 straight hours. I’d felt so much better. Vindicated. Validated. I’d really broken through and I was able to show her vulnerability (stupid, stupid me). I told her about what had happened after I’d left the last time. B has seen me naked, in more ways than one.

Within this conversation, we admitted to each other that the idea of a “thrupple” was, although amazing, absolutely poorly executed in terms of timing and pacing. You take a husband - interested and with good intentions, but very much along for the ride, I expect - and his wife with bipolar II, and then throw in a very heavy pile of this bitch with bipolar I and ... PARTY. Except, duh. This poor guy now has his hands full with two crisis-happy, mostly-manic women.

OH. AND YOU ALSO HAVE TWO CRISIS-HAPPY, MOSTLY-MANIC WOMEN. And they are depending on each other, crying to each other and fucking each other.

After her admission and going over the Ps and Qs of everything, she’d confided that she and he had been looking online for a better fit for “unicorn.” Far from being upset, my free-loving self told her earnestly that I was happy for them: go get it, girl! B had also proffered a potential less-high-stakes hookup situation for she and he and I that would be “casual.” That word was thrown around a lot. FWB.

I’d also had a boy on my mind. (I say boy because I don’t want to invest too much in giving a fuck - more on that later - he is, in fact, a man.) I had honestly advised her that I didn’t know what to do about him. That he was tripping me up, as normally I can figure people out in a snap. I have a penchant for frustrating projects; they challenge me and hold my interest. She vibrantly encouraged me to pursue him.

When he asked me out on a date several days later - even amidst this COVID business - her words echoed in my head and I felt good about accepting. I was happy and I felt I had her support. I messaged her the news joyfully, and without hesitation.

[I regret nothing about that date night itself. That bit is really fucking complicated. It deserves its own post.]

Fast forward again. Some very good friends from out of state were flying in to visit. I, super duper manic, lost track of days. When B messaged me seemingly in a panic asking for me to immediately bring over our friend’s dog’s crate, I messaged back hastily that I wished someone had let me know (rather than spring it on me last-minute.) I was thrown off. Her message out of seemingly nowhere seemed direct and cold.

I messaged her back and let her know I would be over with the crate as soon as possible. I was tripping over myself. My INFP-A manic brain and my empathic nature were having a lot of trouble. She was not herself. She was really pissed. Or something.

I didn’t have to wonder long. After I’d asked her to text my phone directly, she threw out this (very nearly verbatim):

______________________________________________________________

Oh, I get it. You don’t hang out with anyone you aren’t dating or fucking, right?

______________________________________________________________

I was stunned. WHOA. I literally said, “Whoa,” with no real follow-up. I was flabbergasted. Cut deeply. Bleeding. Did our conversation a few days prior mean absolutely NOTHING???? And I’d just seen them! Just those few days had passed. What had I done that was so egregious, except follow her advice to me? I floundered. “Whoa... Not true. Ouch.”

Not an ounce of caring or apology. Hard-line held.

By the time I’d gotten over there with the dog crate, I’d been informed to text S directly to ask him to come out and get it from me. I did so, and made the exchange shaking and unable to look him in the eyes. I did a lot of mumbling but I remember saying, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why, but I’m real fucking sorry.”

To which he replied: “I don’t know. Me too.”

Effectively when I gave him the dog crate and he gave me my last box of shit from my time over there, there remained no ties. No reason for them to come here, and no reason for me to come there as all of the ephemera was in its correct place.

The days following have been fairly awful. Last night I was encouraged by a friend to feel okay to join the online DnD game that B plays in and S runs. I panicked for the entirety of the time that it took them to get started. We were an hour and a half past normal start. My friend - we’ll call him C - was EXCEPTIONALLY amazing, helpful and calming. It would be alright. He was there. It wasn’t just me and her. There were other people to balance everything out. It would likely be a safe place.

And it was. It had echoes of normalcy. It’s the only real interaction I’ve had with our out-of-state friends, as they were all four on the same mic, in S&B’s living room. I’d been there so many times, it echoed naturally in my mind. False sense of security?

I’d sent her a message stating my surface-level feels about the situation several days ago, to which I’d not gotten a response until after I left the DnD session a little early (as I was falling asleep). I tire of explaining so I’ll let our words - as already written - finish this out.

_____________________________________________________________

Me: I'm just going to leave this here, as I do not want to/am not ready to truly talk about it, and you've got company and other things going on. I feel it was unfair of you to come at me like that. I know you have feelings too, but I can only be sensitive to what I'm aware of. I only really took *the boy* up on it when he asked me out because although I wasn't sure I wanted to pursue anything at all, I felt that you were encouraging and supportive of it and I kind of felt like, "hey, who knows? I might just give it a try."

I'd absolutely be lying by omission if I just said nothing about it.

And I'd be pretending that I'm not deeply wounded. That is all.

B: I'm sorry for the late response to this, but I was not feeling that I was in a place where I could effectively communicate with you on this topic. I still do not feel I am ready to do so, but for the sake of E and J being in town, I would like for everyone to feel comfortable, and I know seeing E is very important to you. They would both like to see you very much as well, and for their sake I want to be concise in that I want them to feel like they can feel comfortable visiting with you, or even you coming here to visit with them however you feel most comfortable.

While I don't quite feel like discussing this issue yet, I bear no ill will at all so coming here would be just as relaxed as if we were to come with them to visit you. I've tried to keep everything as low-key as possible (basically just not mentioning anything :P) so that E would not feel uncomfortable or like she has to choose or something silly like that, and even moving forward no matter what happens I would never want her to feel that way at any point, and I definitely know that's not your style either, but I feel it is a huge priority for me to not alter any other relationships no matter what happens, because I think people only get hurt that way. (Although I don't think I even need to say this at all, but I wanted to include it for the sake of concise and effective communication which I know will be beneficial for all three of us moving forward)

For now I am enjoying our company and keeping myself focused and balanced. If you want to try to sort out the conflict here, feel free to let me know when you are in a place of caring and compassion and even-tempered mindset, and when Anthony and I are also in that place we can certainly approach the obstacle with problem-solving as a focus and repairing our communications.

Stay safe, and keep working towards being healthy, as I know you've been trying very hard to do so to good effect - Hope all is well xoxo

Me: Thank you. I'm not ready to talk about it either. I appreciate your honesty.

In regard to E&J: I've been very discouraged because neither they nor you reached out to me at all once they got here (with any indication of plans whatsoever to see me). Whether or not this is the case, it was my perception that I was being avoided and ignored. And that sucks when you (ubiquitous you - and awful English, but whatever) look around your apartment and see your friend's things everywhere, but feel like nobody wants to see you.

I apologize if this comes across as abrasive. That is absolutely not intended.

I need to communicate that it might be a fairly long time before I can discuss the issue at hand. Especially with all of these dysmorphic days and the fact that I am anywhere from almost done with my manic run to just beginning (dear god I hope not), I am not brave nor strong enough to work through it. I have to protect myself from hurt or I am actually in fear that it may tear me apart. It has absolutely the possibility to be fatal.

I appreciate that you responded honestly and I feel you also deserve honesty. The above seems possibly to reflect a flair for dramatics, but as they say in the city, I'm dead-ass.

I do, as always, also hope you are well. Xoxo

______________________________________________________________

(Fuck me, right in the feels.)

#interpersonal communication #mania #manic #dysmorphic mania

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spidersanctuary · 8 years

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A disordered venting about RP problems:

My experience RPing with Tumblr RPing is not very extensive - goes back about five years, I think. Before that, I RPd a bit, much earlier, but for the most part the only RPing I've done is on Tumblr (and Skype, but as an extension of Tumblr RPing).

I don't like bouncing around. I tend to stick with a place that looks legit, get attached to the characters (mine and others') and stick it out, even sometimes unreasonably so. I've been in... basically three group RPs. Two of them were larger (let's say, defined as "more than around ten active players at any given time", and the third was smaller and purely reactionary, a-la "we don't like the way things are here so we'll make our own". Though not without problems (and I can't say I didn't have my part in them), it was the most drama-free as a whole. It also looks like the fourth, soon to come, might follow along the same pattern.

Despite my sample size of one, I'm confident in saying small groups have a different dynamic. Especially if they're founded by people who already know each other. Bigger groups are trickier, in many ways, and I was struck by the realisation that the different problems I encountered in both my bigger groups were representative of two ends of a spectrum. Similar things going wrong in opposite ways, so to speak.

One of them was defined by lack of forethought and planning. Indeed the whole RP just kind of happened organically, something more serious growing out of something very silly and casual. While it had its fun sides - and it was wildly fun, at times, for as long as the fun lasted - it's also obvious in retrospect how that could be a huge problem. Different players. No standardised rules or guidelines until way, waaay later in the game (after much drama had already happened). Lots of different people with different RPing backgrounds and personalities and playstyles, none of them fully on the same page. While many of the problems had to do with one or two difficult personalities in the group, that's not really the isuse. There is always a risk of... unpleasant people, no RP group is safe from them and no RP guidelines will truly protect you from someone who WANTS to start shit or manipulate things to their benefit and is cunning enough to do that. But even aside from that... the lack of regulation about who could grab what characters and how many (some players ending up with 20+ blogs), or any kind of spoken agreement about activity guidelines and replying etiquette. Lack of agreement about how "canon" certain plots were, in the RPing continuity. Lack of agreement about the continuity, period. A clash between people who wanted to develop a certain pre-planned (and rather exclusive) storyline and those who were more in it for spontaneity. It was a recipe for disaster. It didn't need to get as bad as it did, but starting off like that, it was bound to get unpleasant eventually anyway.

Now, the other group... oh, the other group. After the colourful experience of the first group, the things it offered seemed like a reassuring breath of fresh air. Planning! An almost DnD-esque level of detail to the established universe, rulebook, bestiary and lore! Basically an entire little sandbox lovingly crafted for you to play in. Transparent activity guidelines and rules! An actual mod team working to be approachable while still holding authority! New plots for everyone to participate in to be released basically by the clock, so nobody would feel left out! So lovely! Unfortunately, things are rarely as sunny as they appear. A certain type of literate, application RPs is infamous for their snobbishness and elitism, and despite the initially welcoming tone, that was exactly what this unravelled to be. On the flip side, many of the appeals of the group amounted to little more than elaborate publicity acts. Always, always must the group remain attractive and desirable to newcomers (perhaps unsurprisingly given the apparently abysmal player retention rates, both short and long-term). The tone turned out very different from what was advertised, the sandbox-like universe revealing itself to be more of a literal sandbox, with complex topics turned into gimmicks, and supernatural characters (prosecuted and feared for their in-humanity) easily and casually sharing information about their powers with near-strangers like kids on a playground comparing their toys. The "plots" thrown one's way are not only usually poorly (if at all) developed but intrusive, so that they are impossible to avoid completely even if one is not interested in them. Worse yet, the RP insists on doling out serious consequences and high-stakes crises like death, destruction, invasions of murderous monsters or malignant town-wide spells, but is curiously reluctant to allow any room for serious RPing or sense of consequences.

In fact, it's impossible to talk about consequences when even a sense of any basic continuity is thrown out the window, precluded by the occasional hiatus and re-launch and the various measures taken to make sure that new players enter onto a relatively blank slate. Yes, even if long-time residents of the area and the populace in general SHOULD remember and be affected by that politically motivated massacre half a year back, or that time monstrous vegetables SLAUGHTERED half a school of elementary schoolchildren. Thus, even though the RP is long-running (turning two years old soon), it is impossible for the setting to develop any sense of history, and instead it seems to turn more and more comically nonsensical the more tragedies befall the town and are promptly forgotten a few weeks later. Rather than a serious and in-depth setting, one begins to feel instead as if all the characters are living in a Lotus Eater-like state of vague oblivion, briefly reacting to various events but never quite letting them reach collective memory.

Now, all this might be bearable (and even fun! There's an appeal in a certain kind of wacky no-strings-attached horror-comedy-gore, no denying that), IF a couple things weren't true. a) If the RP (and specifically the mod team) didn't make such a huge deal about what a serious and respectable and serious RP it is. No OCs allowed. "We allow shipping but we don't put an emphasis on it! Please don't think this is one of those silly ship-obsessed RPs". No more than two characters allowed. Replies MUST happen every x days, and even though replies of various kinds are accepted (all prose, just different formats and individual reply lengths), only CERTAIN kinds count towards the activity requirement (???!), and a long-term failure to keep it up will end up in you getting the boot. Even if you ARE active and involved with other people and interact a lot. (Don't even get me started on that. I and about three or four other people, most of whom LEFT shortly after, ended up having our plots disrupted SIGNIFICANTLY because the mods booted - or in this case harangued into throwing in the towel and leaving in a huff - a player who was active with all of us, but wasn't active enough in "the RIGHT way" i.e. the right format. This was part of a bigger package of them caring more about keeping up certain pretenses and ticking off certain boxes to be more outwardly desirable to new applicants than the fun of the users who were already there.) b) The nit-picking. Oh god the nitpicking and micromanagement. Some of the shit I've personally seen, some of it I've heard about. It's one thing to crit a player for not being IC with a mod pre-made character. It's another thing to do that after they've been in play for A YEAR, and if you do that then, you're being blatantly disrespectful of all the development the player's put into them. And it's yet another thing to do that to someone's OC (before the 'no OCs' rule was instated). I've had mods dictate to me that my character shouldn't be reacting to x event like this or that, by listing a bunch of factors that, while possibly convincing, were only ONE possible way to interpret the big picture. For real. Psychology is complicated but for some reason all that goes out the window the moment the mod team decides they know how your character should be played (and I'm not talking about blatant realism or accuracy issues like "that's not how PTSD works" but actual decisions/ways of thinking, things that there should, in theory, be no "wrong" option with because once again, people are complicated).

Which brings me to: C) The omnipresent feeling of entitlement by the mod team aka the Powers That Be, as if they believe that theirs is such a supremely privileged, special and elite group, that they merely DEIGN to let you be a part of it. All of it manifesting in a complete lack of basic courtesy when approaching players. Or rather, any player who's been there longer than a month and who they're not actively trying to be Welcoming(TM) to. I should have seen it pretty early when I had a beef with another player who, to wit, disliked that an RP scene we had depicted her character as a "bad guy" (who was previously ESTABLISHED in canon as a psychopathic murderer!!! and the RP scene basically showed him doing more of the same!!!). She ended up badmouthing me to other players she was interacting with closely, and then they as a group complained about me to the mods, in which she twisted a certain conversation we'd had over Skype into something that reflected very badly on me, along the lines of me forcing her to RP a scene she would be triggered by. Now. This was resolved when I provided the mods with copied Skype messages (direct Skype quotes, a format that, in theory, can't be doctored) that showed she was fabricating that conversation - that she had outright told me she WOULD be okay with doing that scene. She eventually got booted for that (and other stuff). And all would have been well if it weren't for the way I had been initially addressed by the mods, and the condescending, denigrating, making you feel like shit TONE of it. Going from zero, utter peace, to "you have an attitude problem and you need to stop now or we'll kick you out". They also tacked on about half a dozen minor "offenses" I had done, like rambling too much about how the reasons I liked a school subject someone else disliked in the ooc chat, or trying TOO hard to get involved in plots, or other bullshit things that the people involved hadn't even complained to them about. I later realised that this, too, was a Pattern. Whenever they went to you with any sort of grievance, whether from their own side or from another player, they would tack on about half a dozen other "transgressions" you had made, sometimes making them up entirely out of thin air. (Other examples include: Me trying to "enforce a headcanon" by having my character react x way. I then pointed out that the "headcanon" I was allegedly """"enforcing"""" was the information stated on THEIR blog about how characters are large are reacting to a previous major town-wide event. (To wit: the information stated that the Event, a violent and deadly clash between two groups of people, exacerbated tensions between them and led to more mistrust between them. My character, who belongs to ONE group, was being mistrustful of the OTHER group. And somehow, this was not okay. Yes. That's it. That is literally how asinine it got. But then again, it's not surprising - as I explain later, it wasn't baout the offenses making sense. It was about getting to make me feel shitty for something) Or: I was being "inconsiderate" by having my character "out" the supernatural status of another character whose player was no longer in the group, and who they were not in contact with. Said player and I HAD in fact discussed this at the time, and they'd WANTED to have it happen, but the mods didn't know one way OR the other. They simply ASSUMED so they could try to pin it on me!) A long line of instances of them taking "offenses" that they didn't know for sure were offenses, that the player DIRECTLY affected HAD NOT come to them about, to paint a bigger picture of you being some kind of Problem Child who was daring to be naughty in THEIR classroom.

Now, I don't know if this was deliberate, but I can see why they did it. It makes you, as the player, feel like crap, puts you on the defensive, makes you question yourself. "Holy crap, were people really bothered by that time I went on a jokingly-serious rant about how awesome botany is when someone said they hated that topic in biology class?" (Hint: No they weren't. They thought NOTHING of it. But the mods saw it and filed it away for when they needed to make you feel like crap.) It puts the mods in a position of power and strengthened their authority. It forces you into a no-win scenario where you either deny the nonsensical accusations, and thus weaken your position and look less credible because it looks like you can't accept responsibility when you're wrong, OR accept the accusations and thereby agree with them that you're the naughty child and bad at following the rules. So it's a shitty, shitty manipulation technique. All of it coming from a place of entitlement and elitism.

I wish I could say I come from all this wiser, but it does feel like entitlement and elitism are the common denominator here. Part of the problem of the first RP was certain people needing to feel like they were superior and hating it when other people got in the way of that. Part of the problem of the second was stuck-up, self-important mods. Ultimately, it comes down to people who enjoy, just a little too much, to feel power and authority over people. To say that "it's THIS way, because I say it is" and have that listened to without question. Who enforce the rules not because it benefits the community, but because it makes them look good. Who view discussion, in and of itself, as disobedience, as an attack on their authority, an attack on them. I can't say I know for sure how to recognise the warning signs of a group like that BEFORE applying. But maybe big RP groups just aren't worth it, period.

#rp #roleplaying #rp problems #tumblr rp #honestly this is just for the purposes of catharsis #and man did it feel good to get ita ll out #certain past fandom rp #~~~certain original setting supernatural rp~~~~

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