#also no bc i made that post after it broke bc i was frustrated

[kimjunnoodle]

😪 sorry for not finishing requests, my pen broke for my ipad and i don’t have a fix rn🥺

[koorminii]

COLLEGESLUTS.COM — IDEA 686 | HHJ

Part one of the CSC series. You can find this series’ masterpost here. This can be read as a stand-alone, but you may have questions that will be answered in future installations. Keep in mind this is the intro.

There are three things you hate more than anything: 1. Your english Lit. professor, 2. Frat parties, and last but most definitely not least, 3. CollegeSluts.com and their founders. There are three things Hyunjin hates more than anything: 1. College, 2. Back alley blowjobs, and 3. The frustrating desire to fuck you silly.

PAIRING: hyunjin x f!reader

GENRE: enemies to lovers; smut; crack; angst; college au

WC: 17k…. fear me! (also broke my record!!)

WARNINGS: reader is going through it and will continue to go through it. there’s no development for them at all in this installment i apologize (😭) reader calls skz sex-crazed demons, she’s very confused but not irrational, there’s not many warnings besides for the smut— profanity, alcohol consumption, mentions of alcoholism, annoying characters, insanely inexperienced reader, bet making, one-sided hatred, hyunjin wants to figure you out & thank god for that otherwise this series wouldn’t exist, sexual tension bottled up as hate bc yn is stupid. virgin/corruption kink, loss of virginity, overstimulation, dirty talking, unprotected sex…, creampie, fingering, pussy eating, teasing, breast play, and i think that’s it…

A/N: hi angels, i finished this in three days somehow and even though i didn’t plan on this being my post for 400, we hit it recently so this is it! and it’s fitting since a lot of people are waiting for this series <3 I hope you enjoy the first installment, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, my ask box, or in a reblog! & lmk if you want to be added to the taglist for this fic or my permanent one which is linked below! i hate writing the introduction to a fic and if you feel like this entire one-shot is pointless i promise it’s not 😭 there’s a lot of drama to come soon but i had to establish some things first!

i managed to make a playlist for this series! please enjoy 👩🏾‍💻

mlist; taglist; navi; | ⇦ previous | next ⇨

There are three things you hate more than anything.

Your english lit. professor

Frat parties

last, but most definitely not least, collegesluts. com and it’s founders.

It’s the literal bane of your existence, the reason why it’s so hard for you to sleep at night, and the one thing that makes your skin itch even more than the fuzzy sweaters your grandma knits every winter season.

Maybe if the creator of the site wasn’t such a douchebag, and maybe if the site users weren’t even worse, you wouldn’t abhor it as much as you did. But that’s a lot of maybes— ones that create a reality much different than your own and don’t make you feel much better.

You were first introduced to the hellsite in your second year of college— only made a year before. After you found out, age twenty hanging high over your head and no longer a fresh face in the school system, you’d tried and failed to get it shut down. Multiple times.

Happy, carefree people, would just ignore its existence— get on with their life, allow people to be college sluts in peace, but you couldn’t do that. Only you saw it for what it was, right? A sex site for college-goers to ruin their lives before it even started. Everyone else was too blissed out, a hand shoved in their pants every night as they watched their classmates fuck each other without fail. Only you could really see—

“Hello, can you hear!?”

Your eyebrows furrow at the voice behind you and your shoulders tighten when a finger pokes harshly at your skin.

“What?” You groan, rubbing the section of your arm that was unjustly abused. “Can you just be nice like a normal person?”

“Well, you’re an asshole so why would I be nice to you?”

“Fuck off Seungmin. What do you want?”

The only thing that betrays the fact that he heard you at all is the laugh that echoes behind you. Your chest tightens in response, and you fold your arms over your chest.

Kim Seungmin. A close fourth on your list of things you hate more than anything else. He was one of the users on the-site-that-must-not-be-named. A platinum member actually, a fact that always made your skin burn even in the coldest of weather. He was even friends with the site creators, and you wouldn’t doubt he had a hand in making it completely. He’d never been shy in supporting his use of the site, because nowadays regular cam sites were somehow uncool. He even had shirts with the college sluts logo in big, bold, letters. He was a part of one of the things you couldn’t stand. A big part of it even, but you ignored all that so you could call him your best— and one of your only— friends.

Kim Seungmin is first on the things you love, and that automatically removes him from the list of things you hate. When an arm slings itself across your shoulders you barely react, simply steering you both in the direction of your first class. It’s too early to deal with your best friend, and especially his toothy remarks and sarcasm, but you don’t say so and simply allow him to talk your ear off while you concern yourself with more important things.

Things like Hwang Hyunjin and Christopher Bang. The admins of College Sluts and the cause of the twitch in your brow. Sometimes the amount of hatred you felt for the two amazed you. To others, they were college boys— hotter than most, smart, talented, promiscuous. They had a good personality, a future, and were people a lot of other people got along with (and their other friends but you won’t get into that lest you pop a vessel).

To you, it’s agree to disagree. In short, they’ve got everyone totally fooled. Only sex-crazed low lifes actually managed to create a porn site. It’s one thing to think of it, sprawled around their dorm rooms knocked off their ass and barely sober, but it’s another thing to actually do it— work hard on it, execute such ideas— it’s completely baffling to you. How can no one see how perverted that is? You don’t even know what to call it, but the fire that erupts in your gut is enough to tell you that it’s bad.

There’s a bunch of girls and guys crowding around them, laughing and hugging and touching. Touching as if they were in the privacy of their home and not outside where others could see. It makes your chest heat up, and makes weird maggots swallow up your stomach, leaving a tingly feeling in its wake. You hate it. They’re demons. Sex-crazed demons.

“God, I’m starting to think you’re like anti-sex or something.”

You grunt.

“Literally we’re just walking by and you look like you’re contemplating murder.”

You hum.

“Jesus,” Seungmin sighs, shaking his head before waving over at his friends. More like his sinner acquaintances. Don’t get it wrong, you’re not overly religious or particularly shameful— despite how you might seem— but it’s something about that entire group (Seungmin sometimes included) that makes you feel like breaking something. Choking something? Crying? Screaming? You’re not sure anymore.

When you catch Hyunjin’s eye he smirks and you frown. Just the sight of him is enough to make your head hurt and your knees weak. At least, that makes sense to you. The rest of the student body? Not so much.

You hoist your bag up on your shoulder and tear your gaze away from him. Your building isn’t much farther and if you squint really hard you can pretend you don’t see Hyunjin approaching from the corner of your eye. It’s a hot day and when he sidles up to you, shoulders almost touching, it gets much hotter.

“Hey,” he greets, slapping palms with Seungmin and holding one down low for you. Your hand hesitates, almost greeting him in return before you slap his arm and send a glare his way.

“Bye,” you grit, turning your head away from him and grabbing at Seungmin’s arm. “I have somewhere to be.”

“Loosen up!” He calls, his long legs easily catching up to your fast pace. “I just wanted to say hi to my favorite girl.”

Your breath stutters the tiniest bit but you ignore it, not bothering to grant that remark an answer. Hyunjin is flirty. Too flirty. Stupid flirty. The kind of flirty that gets girls like you all riled up even when you’re supposed to be hating him, even when you’re supposed to curse the very ground he walks on, and it just makes the dreadful maggots in your system start up their annoying fluttering.

Seungmin doesn’t say anything, even when your grip on his arm tightens at a painful rate. You will your heart to stop beating so damn hard and for your entire body to stop reacting so easily to him. You don’t even know him so why does he hold so much influence over you? Someone like him? Someone who spends their time and their intelligence on a haphazard college porn site? No. No way.

“What do you want, Hyunjin?”

The devil with the long brown hair, and soft cheeks, and cute dimples takes the chance to lean close to your ear, making sure you hear whatever it is he has to say.

“Don’t be too mad at me, bug. I just wanted to tell you that you look gorgeous today.” Hyunjin pats your cheek, smiling before he leans away, turning back the way he came.

“See you later.”

And that’s that. The sex demon comes to set your cheeks ablaze and leaves once he’s done, letting you deal with your muddled feelings on your own. Once you start walking again, ignoring the stare boring into your cheeks and the confusing pounding of your heart, there’s only three words on your mind.

Fuck Hwang Hyunjin.

There are three things Hyunjin hates more than anything:

1. College

2. Back alley blowjobs

3. The frustratingly clear desire he has to fuck you silly.

Hyunjin isn’t sure when he realized it exactly. He doesn’t even know why he reacts to you so strongly. If you were anyone else he probably wouldn’t give you a second glance. He’s sure of it. Maybe it’s the desire to want something you can’t have, or the fact that you aren’t groveling at his feet.

It’s not like Hyunjin has any idea of why exactly you’re so hellbent on hating his guts, nor does he really care all that much. So you don’t like College Sluts, that’s your right as is anyone else’s, but it’s not like he’s shoving the damn shit in your face. He minds his business, manages his porn site, and does it all with a smile on his face. You, though? It’s a miracle he’s seen you smile once. And that was when he wasn’t paying attention and knocked into someone carrying a full tray of food.

Chan laughs at him all the time and so does Minho, wondering if he has some weird kink for wanting people who clearly don’t want him back, but more and more he’s thinking that isn’t the case. He’s always been bold, always been a bit flirty even when he wasn’t trying, and he knows he’s easy on the eyes. It’s not a secret, but your reaction to him isn’t one of disdain or clear attraction, but rather confusion, and that confuses him.

He flips the mic in his hands, switching between cradling it and flinging it every which way. The speakers of the karaoke system effectively drag him from his thoughts as the music gets louder and Jisung spins Felix around on their makeshift stage. Whoops and hollers echo from around them, the rest of their friends cheering at the performance in front of them. Hyunjin can’t bring himself to laugh even as a smile threatens to take hold of his features.

“Yo, what’s up with you?” Jisung plops down beside him, slinging an arm around Hyunjin's shoulders as puffs of breath leave his lips. “You’ve been sitting here brooding. What’s going on?”

“I don’t brood,” Hyunjin argues, though he maneuvers his body so he can tell Jisung exactly what has him brooding. “It’s just— I’m still thinking about Y/n.”

“Bro.”

“It doesn’t seem weird to you?”

“Weird that she’s just not interested? This is a new low, Hyunjin. Not everyone is gonna be attracted to you—”

“I know, but that’s not what I’m saying. Doesn’t her whole attitude towards us seem a bit excessive? All over a website.”

“It’s not your typical website.”

“Sung, it’s probably one of the safest porn sites out there because of how exclusive it is. No one but students here can get on it.”

“Does she know that?”

“That’s my point,” Hyunjin sighs, running a hand through his hair before starting again. “If she doesn’t even know the full details of the site, how can she possibly hate it? Hate us?”

Jisung pauses, looking back towards the stage. It’s true that all eight of them have thought about this at least once. They know there’s people who hate the website, who steer clear of it in all instances, but none who have made petitions and gone to the superintendent requesting an audience about it. No one who’s actively been so hateful to them specifically, refusing to look in their direction unless it’s to send a glare their way.

“Maybe there's another reason?” Jisung offers, sending Hyunjin a sideways glance. “I mean, maybe she just hates porn.”

Hyunjin snorts at that. How can anyone hate porn?

“You’re laughing but I’m dead serious. Has she ever even had a partner?”

“How the fuck would I know?”

“You think about her 24/7. I wouldn't be surprised if you knew what she ate for breakfast.”

“Not fucking funny.”

Jisung barks out a laugh, falling over into Hyunjin’s space. “Don’t worry, you’ll get over it soon.”

Hyunjin isn’t so sure but he nods anyway, allowing Jisung to go back to the stage for the next song. Hyunjin knocks back his drink, throat constricting barely at the bitter taste. He doesn’t care. He really doesn’t, but there’s something weird about your behavior and he’s more than determined to figure it out. Maybe he needs to just mind his business but fuck that, he thinks, no one is gonna hate him for no reason. Maybe he’s a little too riled up at that, maybe Jisung is right and this is a new low. Maybe he just really can’t deal with rejection well. Maybe.

Minho’s screeching into the mic does it’s hardest to ruin Hyunjin’s night, but the way the rest of his friends tackle him and attempt to steal the mic just makes him laugh, leaving a warm feeling in his chest. This is all he needs— his friends and a good drink to put a smile on his face. And the college porn site he worked very hard on, of course.

The group only gets through a few more songs before they decide to leave, deciding to ignore the fact that some of them have classes in six hours or that they’ll be nursing a bad headache for the entirety of it. Hyunjin is one of them. He laughs along with his friends as they walk, and he watches them from where he stands in the back.

Jisung has his phone out and is making a concerned face, typing furiously on the device. Either they’re having technical issues or his girlfriend is getting on his ass once again. Minho has an arm slung around his shoulders, laughing at whatever it is he’s typing and whoever it is that’s typing back. Next to them Felix and Jeongin have joined hands and Felix swings them back and forth, giggling as he does. Jeongin pretends he doesn’t like it, like usual, but Hyunjin notices the hint of a smile on his face. He always notices.

Chan and Changbin are quiet on either side of him, walking in the tranquil quiet that’s always rare for their group. It feels incomplete— Hyunjin wishes Seungmin could’ve come. He doesn’t know how the boy manages to be friends with the creators of the CSC and also be friends with its #1 hater. Maybe he’s selling secrets, telling you everything about the site, all its loopholes and glitches. Maybe he’s working against them now, coming up with a plan to shut them down once and for all, though Hyunjin doesn’t know if that’s possible.

Right after those thoughts trickle into his mind, he thinks about Seungmin wearing the handmade “merch” for the site, and doesn’t entertain them any longer. It would be ridiculous— even for him— to think that someone who repped college sluts like it was their brand would ever work even harder to tear it away.

The knot in his throat that’s been squeezing at his airways since earlier that night relaxes just a little. He’s never actually said this to anyone, but just as much as he thinks about why you hate him, he thinks about whether Seungmin will hate him too; about if he’ll lose a friend due to reasons he’s not even sure of. As much as he thinks about why you hate him so badly, he thinks about why he doesn’t hate you right back. He wonders why he— instead of wanting nothing to do with you— wants to know everything about you. Why he wants to understand you when you’ve made no effort to understand him, or worse, made up your own mind about who he is without even attempting to entertain the idea that maybe you’re wrong.

Hyunjin has lived his whole life suffering from other people's ideas of him, from their expectations that they held with no prior consultation with him, from the perfect picture of him in their minds that didn’t correlate with the real Hyunjin. He’s had his fair share of wondering, thinking, wanting. And it’s disappointing to see how even after all this time, since childhood, nothing has changed. He’s always wanted what he’s not allowed to have, but it’s not for lack of trying.

They don’t arrive at their frat house quick enough. As soon as the door opens into the building Hyunjin feels like falling asleep on the couch. It wouldn’t be the first time, but he’s also not sure what last happened on that couch. Between spilled drinks and sex that was too rushed to even make it to a bedroom he’d rather take his chances on an actual bed. Chan doesn’t bother to turn the lights on when he comes in, and the seven of them shuffle around each other, spilling into the living room or into the kitchen to grab drinks and snacks as if they didn’t just come back from eating.

Hyunjin knows he’s been distant all night but he can’t be bothered to care as he sends a quick good night his friends’ way and makes his way upstairs. The house holds eight other boys besides them and he’s surprised none of them are downstairs or hanging around even at the late hour. Though, Hyunjin reasons, most of them have girlfriends and the few others that don’t are seniors and probably pull all-nighters in the library or some shit.

Hyunjin doesn’t want to think about that. The year only started back up again a few months ago, he doesn’t need to be thinking about work anymore than he already does. He makes a good living even without a real job, so he’s taking shit day by day. It’s not like anyone else is much different. Most of his seniors are cramming because they were so carefree. Hyunjin doesn’t think about the implications of that either.

The softness of his bed is long overdue and his body sinks into the plush bedding. He strips off his shirt and pants, not bothering to make his way to a shower or put pajamas on or do anything really. He has five hours before he needs to wake back up and this is nothing if not a power nap that won’t help him get through any lectures the next day. Or, later that day rather.

Hyunjin doesn’t concern himself with that though, because there’s only one thing that’s on his mind when he falls asleep and when he wakes up, and that’s what he’s going to say to you tomorrow morning in the first class of the day.

The first thing you manage to think of when you wake up is how best you’re going to ignore Hyunjin today. You’ve been brainstorming, wondering which response will humble him the best, maybe make him speechless for long enough that you can get away. If only those getaways could last forever, you sigh, pulling a fitted tee over your head. It’s low-cut, makes your cleavage pop just a little bit more, and you add a necklace for that exact reason.

You’re not the sex-crazed demon that the CSC most definitely are, but you do like a little attention every now and again even if you don’t get that much action. Or any, really, and you’re just fine with that. It’s one of the reasons why you don’t like the CSC. There’s no reason to sexify everything, and that’s exactly what they do. People can get by just fine without it.

Just fine? Seungmin would probably jab, but he’s not here right now and he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You are just fine, but the mention of the-site-that-must-not-be-named just fills your stomach with stones and ignites your nerves like nothing else does. To you, that’s more than enough proof that it’s the CSC’s fault— not yours.

Anyway, today is the day you have to see Hyunjin bright and early, which always manages to set your day off to a bad start. No one should have to deal with him at this time of day, or any time of day, and you pity the ones that do. Seeing Chan isn’t rare, but he doesn’t talk to you like Hyunjin does. He stares every now and again, gives you a lazy smirk, and is generally sexy as much as it pains you to admit it, but he doesn’t bother you. Though you know he probably talks about you. His stares are too knowing, way too insightful even when you don’t really know each other.

The rest of the boys you’ve talked to on a few occasions. They aren’t as insufferable, but they are associated with Hyunjin and Chan and are, in fact, involved in the upkeep of the-site-that-must-not-be-named. To you, that’s more than enough reason to at the least dislike them. You don’t hold soft spots for any of them, except maybe Felix who seems way too sweet to be a sex demon, but then again, it’s always the nice ones.

Besides, it doesn’t matter what they say to you or don’t say, or if they look at you or not, or if they even know you exist. It really doesn’t matter. You shake the thoughts from your head vigorously, ashamed at the fact that you spent the first hour of your morning on them. It’s unbecoming of you. It’s good to remind yourself not to actively concern yourself with any of them, and simply fight for the site’s demolition like you’ve been doing.

Seungmin says you have no life, but Seungmin also wears T-shirts with cartoonish, glittery pink boobs and the site’s name in glittery cursive letters. You don’t think Seungmin should have an opinion.

The last time you attempted to do anything about the site was roughly two months ago, a month after school started back. You took your time to settle in, fall into a routine, and get your work and classes in order before resuming your mission. It was arduous, brainstorming and juggling school work, but it was your responsibility since no one else would work hard enough.

A quick shuffle through any of your things would tell people you were a perfectionist— articulate in your placement of items and the way you did things. Even taking the time to plan certain outings to a T, determined to make sure everything goes well. It’s not a secret how obsessive you get over things and how uncomfortable or incomplete you feel when things don’t go your way, when you have to follow someone else’s idea of how things should work. It’s the reason why most people don’t get along with you because to them you’re too controlling, too compulsive and dominating.

When you were a child that fact had bothered you. It was confusing— that was just your nature, and you wouldn’t have survived your childhood without it based on the way your parents lived. When kids would shun you, treat you like something sticky at the bottom of their shoe, it hurt your young heart. You felt apologetic simply for acting the way you always felt like you should act, for doing the things that left you satisfied after. Now, in college, no one demands classmates to get along, no one can shun you in the cafeteria and force you to eat in the library. If they don’t like you it’s fine with you, frankly it doesn’t matter. You have one goal and one goal only, and once that’s over with you can move on.

When you step out of your dorm the sun is blinding, shining down with unforgiving rays of light. All you can do is squint, tilt your head down a little and wish you had a hat. The walk to the Art’s building is long, but feels longer with how warm it is. The heat shimmies its way under your clothes and into your skin, from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.

The scenery on the walk there is always breathtaking though, the pavement that makes up the pathway to the building is closed in by blades of grass that have been cut and trimmed to perfection. Rocks make up the border between them— large smooth stones that vary in size but are more or less the same oval shape. There’s an entire garden full of all types of flowers, Gardenias, Lilies, Irises, Tulips, and even some you can’t name. At the entrance of the building there are bright lights that illuminate at least 25 feet in front of it at night, and wide hedges that have been designed to look like swans, their necks curved in a way that if they were moved next to each other they’d be forming a heart. White flowers grow inside the hedges serving to make the entire scene look more beautiful, and as much as you hate walking there, the view is unmatched.

The Art building has always been your safe haven, Art in general being your home away from home. It took a long time for you to feel comfortable studying it— always caught up in the what if. What if you can’t make a living from it? What if you end up not liking it as you grow older? What if it’s not a sustainable career? Questions that still plague you often, and stop you from putting as much of your heart in it as you’d wish. These classes are somewhat self-indulgent. A way for you to escape from the hectic mess that is your life, away from the stress of work, from the anxiety of what comes next, and from the infuriating instances that continue without your control— away from the things you can’t control so you can run to things you can. So imagine your horror when you found out Hwang Hyunjin was in the same class as you. At the same time. Doing the same thing.

It felt like your escape wasn’t yours anymore, and that the stress from your day followed you everywhere you went. It wasn’t enough for Hyunjin to pester you often— he had to be everywhere you were too.

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves, setting your shoulders and regain the poise you take pride in– carrying yourself with the confidence you wish you had. It doesn’t take long for you to make your way to the entrance of the building, as you walk, having been kissed by the scorching light of the sun and brushed against by dewy blades of grass. It feels surreal and staggering to be outside alone so early in the morning, yet peaceful, for you know that it will be long before you get this chance again.

“Bug!”

Oh no. no no no. You walk faster, hoping to make it inside before Hyunjin can catch up to you. Hyunjin is never this early. He either comes right on time or late to the frustration of your teachers and peers although no one would ever say it to his face. You can hear his feet against the pavement louder and louder as he comes closer to you, catching up just when you take the first step up the stairs to the entrance.

“You didn’t hear me, bug?”

“Stop calling me bug.”

“Sorry, bug,” Hyunjin laughs, putting a heavy arm over your shoulders and bringing you closer.

You roll your eyes so hard it feels like they’re gonna stick. Maybe they should so you don’t ever have to see Hyunjin again. Maybe he’d think you look scary like that, your eyes rolled up forever. Maybe then he’d leave you alone.

Hyunjin is annoying. He always acts like you’re his friend, but you know it’s fake because why would he want to be friends with you, someone who hates everything he works hard on and hates him as well to an extent. It seems overly fake and forced to you, so you don’t ever entertain it. The last thing you need is to fall for it and then be made out to look like an idiot when he eventually embarrasses you.

“It’s too early.”

“It’s never too early, pretty.”

“It’s always too early to be dealing with you,” You groan, wrenching his arm away from where it laid over your shoulders. “Why are you talking to me?”

“Why not?” Hyunjin asks, seemingly unaffected by your attitude towards him. He shoves his hands in his pockets, his shoulders raised up to his chin in a shrug. “I like talking to you.”

You snort, looking up at him with eyebrows raised, “You like talking to me, the one person— possibly in this world— who absolutely hates you, and barely spares you the time of day?” You ask, tilting your head in mock confusion. “I’m sure this is the longest we’ve ever had a conversation, but nice try.” You squeeze his cheeks, hard, and when he swats your hand away you can’t help the giggle that you let out. If his cheeks felt like dough under your fingers you’re choosing to ignore that, wiping a hand on your jeans with way more intensity than needed.

“But see,” Hyunjin starts again, “We’re having a conversation right now and neither of us wanna choke each other.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m barely resisting the urge to punt your head like a baseball.”

It’s silent for a moment before you both burst out into a fit of giggles. Hyunjin braces himself against his knees as he laughs, his hair falling over his face as he does, and you’re not much better— staggering where you stand to laugh with him. It only takes a few seconds for you both to calm down, and slowly the reality of what happened catches up to you.

“Do you even punt baseballs?” Hyunjin snorts, and you just laugh harder.

“I don’t know, Hyunjin, if you haven’t noticed I’m at the arts building not sports.” You wheeze, fighting through another laugh. “Now I’m just imagining your head flying over the gardens.”

Hyunjin lets out another chuckle but shivers a bit at the thought. He waits for you to calm down, your giggles turning into small huffs. A hint of a smile still remains on your cheeks, and the sun shines down so strongly on your features it feels like he’s seeing an angel— like divinity right in front of his eyes. When you straighten up, he can see every movement. The way you position your bag upright, the way a bit of your gums poke out from your lips. Your lips, soft, glossy, and look the most perfect in a smile. He can see the way your eyebrows lose the tension from your laughing fit, the way the crinkle of your eyes lessen as your face relaxes. He can see everything, so he can also see when your lips fall back into a firm line, when your eyebrows go back to that angry stance they always hold when you’re around him. The way your shoulders stiffen, and the grip on your bag tightens. He can see everything, and he reminds himself the only time you laugh is when he’s the butt of the joke.

“I’m going to class,” You murmur, walking the rest of the way up the stairs and into the building without looking back or waiting for him to respond. Though Hyunjin wonders what he would’ve even said.

I’ll come with you.

We can sit together.

No, you both can’t do anything together, and more and more Hyunjin wonders why he even wants to.

“You were laughing with Hwang Hyunjin? The sex demon??” Your friend hisses from next to you, stringing a lock of hair behind her ear. “You?”

“Yes, me, Jieun.” You huff. “I can barely believe it either. What did he do to me? I hate him, I can’t show weakness by laughing around him.”

“Honey,” Jieun laughs, leaning towards you, “You can laugh. Honestly the fact that you ran away after is hilarious.”

“I didn’t run away.”

“You ran away.”

“I didn’t run.”

Jieun settles on you with a heavy stare, face slack, and you roll your eyes. “Fine, I walked away.”

“I don’t know how either of you take each other seriously.”

“I don’t take him seriously.”

“Yeah you do, babe. You refuse to laugh around him. That’s very serious.”

You snort.

“And the fact that he gives you the time of day when this is the dumbest feud possible… I just don’t understand it.”

“It’s not dumb.” You sputter, smoothing your hand over the glossy wooden desk of the classroom. “It’s…” You trail off, staring into the large windows at the side of the room. You cock your head and lean forward, jaw slack when the sex demon himself waves outside. “Oh what a stalker.” You growl, throwing up the middle finger in his direction. “He’s got his little posse following him too.”

When Jieun makes to wave back you smack the back of her head and groan when she gives you an affronted look.

“What was that for?” Jieun exclaims, bringing a hand up to rub against the back of her head.

“Don’t fraternize with the enemy,” You hiss, folding your arms over your chest and staring back at your professor.

“Are you gonna explain the feud—”

“No.”

In your opinion, class doesn’t end quickly enough. You split with Jieun at the entrance, the both of you going in opposite directions, and attempt to reorder your frazzled mind. So you laughed. A lot of people laugh at people they hate. Plus, he laughed too— so why should you be overthinking it? You’ve laughed before, in situations you weren’t supposed to, and this is no different. Now you just need to make sure it never happens again. You nod to yourself as you walk, pulling out your phone to make sure Seungmin is already at the meeting spot.

The sun is still just as ruthless as it was earlier, but a light breeze grazes your skin and rustles the trees along the sidewalk and in the field in front of you. There’s a bunch of picnic tables, some occupied and some of them not. There’s groups of friends sitting under trees, some couples, some of them alone; reading or completing assignments in the nice weather. You spot Seungmin a few tables down, a brown sweater over a collared shirt and cute glasses perched upon his nose.

You take your time walking to the table, letting your skin soak in the warmth and tranquil peace of nature. When Seungmin spots you he shuffles over, giving you some space to sit next to him and you do, mumbling a small hey before knocking your head against the table.

“You’re going to a party with me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Seungmin… Hi, how are you? How was your day? No, I’m not.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“Well, unless you’re going to drag me, no I’m not.”

“I just might,” Seungmin sighs, “Why are you so difficult?”

“Difficult? You’re the one being difficult. I don’t want to go and you’re telling me it’s not a choice.”

“Because it’s not.”

You let out a groan, a long torturous one that has people turning their head to a straight faced Seungmin and you who’s head is still knocked against the table. When people think it’s stopped it starts all over again, a guttural groan filled with displeasure and frustration that loosens your chest when it’s done.

“Are you done?”

“Leave me alone.”

“It’s on Saturday. I can pick you up.” Seungmin says instead of arguing.

“Today’s Thursday.” You whine, just stopping yourself from letting out another groan— one that wouldn’t ever stop for as long as you have to deal with Kim Seungmin and his annoying, snarky, bossy self.

“…. I’m aware.” Seungmin says, and you don’t even have to look at him to know he’s making a face like and so what?

“I can’t stand you, I hope you know that. No type of warning, no preparation… I don’t party. I need at least two weeks to mentally prepare myself and another two weeks to get an outfit.”

“Damn.” Seungmin says, but he rubs a hand against your back, lightly pushing you to lift your head from the table. “Listen, I’ll help you. And it’s being thrown by people I know so you don’t have to worry. I don’t think many people throw college parties a month in advance but I’ll keep that in mind.”

All you can do is nod, waiting patiently as Seungmin finishes whatever assignment he’s working on. You’ve already completed the ones you have, the pro of not having much else to do and being on top of things always. Everyday you both meet up here, either at a table or under one of the trees and talk. Read, finish assignments, or even eat snacks. There have been some times where you meet there and then go somewhere else together, rarely off campus but it happens, and you get something to eat or go on a mini adventure. It’s the highlight of your day and you’re sure it is for Seungmin too, but you’d never admit that to each other. You don’t have to, though, because you’re both always on the same wavelength especially when it counts the most.

Though now he’s given you something else to worry about, that being this sudden party. It’s no doubt being held by a frat house, and you have an inkling which house it is. You haven’t asked, trying not to pop the bubble of secureness that surrounds you. You can go to a party being held by the CSC. You can, and you will, and if it isn’t being held by them then that’s even better. You try to convince yourself you really don’t care at all, but the thought remains. Can you really enjoy yourself at a party being held by them? You don’t know why it bothers you so much or why you feel so uncomfortable having a good time around them, but you just keep repeating the same thing to yourself over and over. It doesn’t matter.

“Jieun told me what happened this morning.”

“Of course she did.” You sigh, staring ahead at the group of squirrels running up a tree. The people under it startle when leaves start to fall over their heads. “We just left each other, how did she find the time to text you all that?”

“She called me,” Seungmin cackles, braces on full display as he scribbles furiously into his notebook. “Every story I hear about you and Hyunjin is against my will.”

“Every interaction between me and Hyunjin is against my will,” You counter, shifting so that you face him. “What did she say?”

“That you laughed with him and it embarrassed you. That you’re confused about your feelings towards him.”

“So are you two my therapists now? I’m not confused. I don’t like the things he does— I don’t like his carefree attitude, how he has no problem talking to me like we’re friends. I don’t like- No, I hate the fact that so many people fucking praise him because he created some crude porn site.”

Your heart rate picks up, your hand gripping at your jeans as a poor attempt to conceal your growing frustration. “I don’t like the fact that no one else sees what’s wrong with it. We shouldn’t have a fucking porn site for college students? I don’t think we should know what we all look like under our clothes and I’m tired of everyone acting like I'm the crazy one. He’s the perverted one, the weird one. Who the fuck thinks of something like that? It’s not just him, it’s all of them.”

Seungmin ponders your words, the grip on his pen tightening ever so slightly. “Hyunjin is a good guy. All of them are, and if that’s how you feel then why do you talk to me? I use the site, I'm their friend, I’ve helped them out when making it. Aren’t I weird and perverted too?”

You sigh, “Seungmin…”

“Help me understand. Because if you can stand to be around me, then why can’t you be around them? Or try.”

“It isn’t the same and you know it. It’s easy to ignore it when it’s you. That’s them. They are the CSC to me. A reminder of everything I hate, what I want to get rid of.”

“But why the hell does it matter? People want to use the site and that’s why they do. No one is fucking forcing it.”

“You guys just don’t understand it. None of you do. It’s like you’re blinded by it or something.”

“We’re grown adults, Y/N,” Seungmin growls, “We don’t need you to be a guardian fucking angel.”

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy, just because all you fucking care about is sex or some college sluts, like can you actually be that shallow?”

“Why is it so hard for you to see reason? Do you see how angry you’re getting at me for asking a simple question? You asked me what Jieun said and I told you.” Seungmin spits, shutting his book with a slam.

“Stop asking me about that site. Stop making me seem like some confused hateful person just because you’re too dense to understand where I’m coming from. I’m not confused, I know exactly how I feel. I try not to bring it up because you like the damn thing so much, and you can’t seem to hold the same courtesy for me.” You stand from the seat, settling a dark glare at Seungmin’s angered form.

“Fuck your friends, fuck that site. Stop talking about me like I need guidance.”

You’re not irrational. You’re not. You have every right to be angry. Seungmin is your friend. Jieun is your friend. They’re supposed to be there for you, not gang up on you. You feel alone, so alone in everything you fight for, in everything you aim to conquer— as if the things you stand for don’t matter. It reminds you of middle school all over again, of high school— having people look at you like you were something from another planet. Someone people had always failed to understand. It’s lonely. You’re not irrational.

You didn’t blow up. You’re not angry. You’re frustrated, yes, but you don’t blow up. You don’t get mad. You aren’t irrational. Anyone else in your position would feel the same, right? Anyone else would be upset because it feels like your friends always take the side of the people you despise more than anyone else. Why aren’t they on your side? Why don’t they believe you? Why don’t they understand? It makes you feel stupid. It makes you feel like you have no right to feel the way you do. It’s lonely.

You’ve never been irrational. You’ve always had a good grip on your feelings. Always. And when it feels like the grip loosens it’s always the cause of something relating to the CSC. It’s proof that it’s what the root of your problems is. It’s proof that the CSC needs to be gone so you can finally go back to normal. So you don’t feel like the odd one out. So you don’t have to feel so upset. Because you’re not irrational. You have every right to feel this way. You don’t get mad. You’re not angry. You don’t blow up.

You control everything, you control your actions, your emotions, and you make sure to hold control over your environment— of how things play out for every second of your life. This feels like it’s running out of control. That the CSC brings havoc in your life no matter what— even when you try to ignore it, it comes running back to fuck you over even further. You’re not irrational. You’re not confused. You don’t get mad. You don’t. You don’t blow up. You control everything.

The sun hides right when you need it. You pretend tears don’t blur your vision, you pretend that the suddenly gloomy environment doesn’t affect you the way it does. You pretend that the once comforting breeze doesn’t feel sharp against your exposed skin. You pretend because when things run out of control that’s all you can do. Pretend you’ve got it handled, pretend that you still have a grip on things, pretend that you understand. You’re not irrational. You have every right to feel this way.

You never argue with Seungmin. Playful bickering from time to time or you two being rude to each other but always playfully. You’ve never cursed at him so maliciously, spoken to him like he was someone random, as if he wasn’t your best friend. You’ve never done those things— but you do when the CSC is involved. You never get pissed at Jieun, even when she’s annoying, even when she acts like the only thing important in life is the new boy she’s talking to— You don’t get mad. You’re not mad now, but you’re something. Something fiery, and everything always goes back to the CSC. You’re not irrational. You’re just the only one who understands.

Right when you see the blurry form of your dorm building it gets blocked by a large body and you slam right into its chest. You can barely see in front of you and you know your face is screwed up into the worst form imaginable, tears falling with no control. Without your control.

“Sorry, excuse me,” You laugh wetly, sidestepping whoever is blocking your way and running up the steps to your dorm. The sooner you fall into your bed and cry this out, the sooner you can forget about it. The sooner you can apologize and move past this weird limbo of feelings. It feels like purgatory, stuck in the in between, not sure which direction you’ll end up going in. It’s full of unsureness, of frustration. It feels like a loss of control. It angers you, makes you feel like nothing is going right.

But you don’t get angry. You’re not irrational. You don’t get mad. You pretend, because that’s all you can do.

Hyunjin is confused.

The last thing he expected to see this morning was you laughing, but now, he realizes the last thing he ever expected to see was you crying. Eyes glossy with tears, a nose rubbed raw, face screwed up into something pitiful.

Hyunjin doesn’t know a lot of things. He doesn’t expect a lot of things, but most of all he doesn’t know how to continue after seeing it. He doesn’t expect to care so much, not after the way you’ve regarded him. After the way you’ve both regarded each other. He doesn’t know why he can’t walk away and say nothing when he knows he should. If he brings it up you’ll get defensive, be embarrassed, be angry. He shouldn’t say anything.

He keeps walking, frowning slightly at the gloomy clouds. It was so sunny less than an hour ago. Things change so quickly, it doesn’t make any sense. He thinks back to earlier that morning, the light that shone on your face with every laugh you let out. He thinks back to just a few seconds ago. How dark shadows fell over your face as tears ran down your cheeks.

The walk is more automatic than anything else. He doesn’t take the time to stare at the scenery, he doesn’t look at the people around him. He barely sees the ground in front of him as he walks, his mind not registering what’s right in front of his face. He’s too caught up in you. Like usual, wondering why you do the things you do, why you feel the way you feel, wanting to understand. What did he do? What can he do to make you feel better? How can he make you hate him any less? He wants to understand, he wants to listen, to talk to you, to be near you. It confuses him.

His phone vibrates, pulling him from his thoughts. It’s chan, texting about the party on Saturday, and he sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He’s so tired, tired of running around for parties, tired of attending to the site, tired of waking up early for classes. He just wants a second to sit down and relax, to not worry about you ruining the one thing he’s worked hard for, to not worry about what class he’s flunking, about what party he’s expected to attend, to not worry about why you were crying in the middle of the afternoon. He just wants a moment to collect his thoughts and free his mind.

HJ: I got it

BC: alr cool, put it in the cabinet with the lock, you know how Hyunjoon gets

HJ: Fuck, is it that bad?

BC: he’s an alcoholic bud, it’s that bad.

Hyunjin laughs a little, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. He wonders if Seungmin told you about the party yet and grimaces, wondering if that’s the reason why you were crying. If it is, he’s not sure who needs to get a grip. You, for hating him so bad, or him for continuing to try and get you not to. It takes a lot of effort for him to continue the power walk back to the frat, but he arrives sooner than later, stuffing the bag of drinks inside the cabinet and locking it shut. He thinks it’s a bit ridiculous that they have to lock the alcohol up as if they have small kids running around, and also wonders the effectiveness when Hyunjoon lives in a frat house and is an adult who can buy his own alcohol.

It’s Thursday afternoon but he finds that he’s not as excited for a party as he should be. Usually, he’d be bouncing on his heels, counting down the hours for it to start, and realizing he’s so caught up in everything else going around he doesn’t feel that normal excitement that he so often does. He makes sure to fix that, shaking the unnecessary thoughts from his head, pushing responsibilities to later. He has a party to prepare for and he's gonna act like it.

The rest of the boys don’t get back till later— they’d given Hyunjin the responsibility of buying cups and drinks and shitty snacks while they went off somewhere else. Hyunjin can’t keep track of what they do especially if he’s not joining, so he focuses on doing what he’s supposed to in order to make this the best party of the year so far. His frat has always held the record of best parties— has always held their winnings in high regard as well, and he’ll be damned if he gets the cold shoulder if he’s the reason the party isn’t as good as it should be. Most of all, he’s thinking about what he’s gonna do during it.

Hyunjin is not shy on having sex— never has been, never will be, and more often than not he’s having it. Sure, that may be expected since he made a literal porn site, but Jisung also had a hand in it and he has a girlfriend. Felix doesn’t have one-night stands often, nor does Seungmin. It’s different for all of them.

He knows there’s a few girls that have been actively trying to get in his pants, knows that he’s been trying to get into theirs, but he can only hope he can focus on them for long enough to do so without thinking about you. If you come, he knows that there’s no chance he’ll think of anything else, and he’ll probably spend the entire night just getting you to laugh again. To get you to explain to him why. why why why. It’s confusing, but he pretends it doesn’t matter.

Thursday comes and goes too quickly, and Friday does as well. The day isn’t over yet, it’s only the afternoon, but the implications of that make you anxious. Make your nerves ignite far more than they should.

Seungmin didn’t answer your calls for the rest of that Thursday. Didn’t read or respond to a single text until you decided to leave him alone. Jieun called, but you didn’t answer. You think the way you felt towards her is the way Seungmin felt towards you. Maybe something worse, so you gave him space and took some for yourself, a moment to really think about what made you react the way you did. You don’t think you’re in the wrong, you still don’t think you could’ve reacted any other way and you’re not sure what that says about you.

You take another bite of your sandwich as you walk down the street from the Art store, your phone cradled in your other hand and a drink poking out from the opening in your bag. It’s hard to mentally prepare for things that you don’t know anything about. You don’t know where the party is, who’s hosting it, how long you’re expected to stay. Thought that’s if you’re even still going. You want to take Seungmin’s silence as an answer that no, you aren’t, but you also don’t want to assume that and then he shows up at your door and you’re not ready.

You don’t want to go, not at all, but if it made Seungmin happy then you would. If he didn’t come to pick you up you briefly entertained finding your own way to the party and cornering him, forcing him to hear your apology before leaving and soaking your pillow with tears. But you don’t know where the party is. You also briefly entertained the idea of calling Jieun and asking her, but you’re not interested in the lecture that would come from that. You still don’t appreciate her words about you to Seungmin and the implication of them. Seungmin is your friend, you can tell him what happened all by yourself. You don't need Jieun to play messenger.

You swallow the last of your lunch and throw the wrapper in the nearest trash can. You want to start a new painting, one that can unleash the frustrations of your life as it is right now, and you can only do that by getting some new supplies. You save up constantly for this exact reason— for the ability to buy whatever your heart desires whenever it desires it. You dip your toes into whatever interests you, and all concepts of Art satisfies you more than anything. Writing whatever you desire, taking pictures of the things you find beautiful, painting whatever you want— it gives you the control that fuels you more than anything else.

The art shop by your university is quaint, always quiet and never very full, yet always filled with high quality supplies and fully stocked. You’ve made friends with the old lady who owns it and her daughter, constantly going there just to buy something in order to catch up with them on whatever has happened since your last visit. They’re like the mother and sister you never had, people who feel more like family than your own. It’s partly for that reason that you’ve made the trek there, hoping to get some advice for the things you’ve been feeling before going to the party that’s undoubtedly being held by the one group of people you despise.

The bells above the door jingle when you step in, and you let the smell of paint, chalk, crayons, pens, and faint air freshener soothe you. It’s just as cluttered as it’s always been— stacks upon stacks of sketchbooks and canvases on one side situated next to the easels and small desks. The paints have a section of their own, oil, watercolor, acrylic, matte, and more— on the opposite side there’s pens and crayons, colored pencils, oil pastels, and sharpeners of all shapes and sizes.

The walls are covered in paint as if before bringing in all the items they’d had fun splattering the walls in color. It’s messy, unruly, cluttered, and barely organized— so it doesn’t make sense to you why it comforts you so much. When you see a small form hobble out from behind a stack of books a smile forms unbiddenly on your face, and the small old lady smiles back.

“I missed you, dear,” She scolds, wrapping you up in a hug. “It’s been too long since you’ve come to visit.”

“I know, I’ve just been busy Ms. Yang. I missed you.” You sigh, rubbing your nose in the soft fabric of her sweater. She smells like paint and flowers— she smells like home.

“Sam will be here soon, she’d love to see you.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice. I need to talk to her too.”

“I can tell, child. You look stressed.” She sighs, shuffling behind the counter and sitting on one of the other seats behind it. “Get what you’re looking for,” She says waving a hand dismissively towards you.” I won’t make you explain it twice.”

You huff lightheartedly, making your way over to the canvases and picking one of medium proportions. You’re still not sure what it is you want to paint, but you know whatever you’re feeling is strong enough that you grab Oil paint, needing something rich and vibrant and something sharper to contrast the muddled and cloudy image of your mind.

It’s before long that you settle on a brand you normally buy, and the set of bells signal someone’s arrival into the shop. You turn your head, expecting to see Sam and her long curly hair, beautiful in its volume and her tawny brown skin, but instead you’re greeted with the sight of straight brown hair, swept behind the ears of a tall man, a mole under his eye and the reason for all your problems. You don’t know why you react the way you do, but with your items cradled in your hand you sprint behind a large stack of sketchbooks and hold your breath, staring with wide eyes at the cans of paint at your feet.

What the fuck is Hwang Hyunjin doing at your shop? This is your safe place— your safe haven. A part of you curses the ground he walks on, hopes that the store is too messy and cluttered for his liking, prays that he proves he’s as shallow as the company he keeps and that he leaves and doesn’t come back. Another part of you hates yourself for being so ridiculous. For letting your personal feelings about him delve so far that you’d think something like that. Sam and Mrs.Yang deserve the business, deserve the money, deserve the customers. You shouldn’t hope for anything different— but it still amazes you how he never fails to intrude on the things you hold dear. To intrude on the things you want to keep to yourself.

You don’t move from the spot you’re in. It could’ve been ten minutes, an hour, even, or maybe it was only thirty seconds, but you only peek out when you hear Sam’s voice ring through the shop. You survey the room, stepping out from your hiding spot when you confirm that Hyunjin is nowhere to be found. Though, you don’t think you could’ve hid regardless by the way Sam calls your name.

“Hi, Sammy,” You smile, coming up to pull her into a hug. She grips you tightly, her kinky hair tickling your cheek and her clothes smelling faintly of vanilla and roses. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, hun,” Sam smiles, albeit a little sadly as she looks over your face. “What’s wrong?”

“Hey, don’t leave a poor old lady out,” Mrs. Yang huffs, “Come over here and tell us both about it.”

Without even saying anything they’ve already cheered you up, your steps feeling lighter as you make your way behind the counter and sit on one of the three seats. You sit between them both, their eyes set patiently but concerningly on you.

“I don’t know, really,” You start, and then, you tell them. About your argument with Seungmin, about how lonely it is feeling like you’re the only one feeling this way, about how much the site angers you— how it makes you feel. You tell them about Hyunjin, about how he doesn’t stop bothering you no matter how much you make it obvious you don’t want his company. How much that frustrates you, as well, and about how the lack of control over the entire situation, and over the CSC’s place in your life makes you uncomfortable, and about how the CSC itself makes you feel things you’ve never felt before and how much that scares you. You can barely describe the way it does, and who else can you blame besides its creators.

When you’re done it feels like you’ve vented a lifelong event, it makes a heavy weight lift itself off your shoulders and the heavy silence that remains doesn’t feel like judging, but rather them trying to understand— soaking up the meaning of every word you said in an attempt to place themselves in your shoes.

“I think,” Sam starts, “That your cluelessness about your feelings towards the site in general turns into anger, and the fact that the boy,”

“Hyunjin”, You offer.

“Yes, I think his attempts at speaking to you only worsen it somehow, like you’re being cornered by this weird feeling that you don’t understand and it makes you even angrier.”

“You said your friend is a part of it?” Mrs.Yang interjects, a wrinkly hand kneading your shoulder.

“Yeah,” You murmur, “He’s good friends with the group and he loves the website.”

“That probably doesn’t help then,” She continues, “If you’re surrounded by people who know what they like or enjoy something you don’t like or don’t understand, of course you’re going to feel angry. You feel like the odd one out.”

“I think more than anything you need to figure out if it’s really anger you’re feeling, and if the only reason why you hate this website is not because of its purpose but because of your lack of control over it.” Sam finishes.

“I can’t say I agree with it either,” Mrs.Yang grunts, “It’s not something I think college students need to be worrying about. Things like that stick with you, but it’s their choice to indulge in it, Y/n, you can’t control that.”

You sigh. You guess so, but you still feel like you need to get rid of it. You’ve been slacking, not paying attention to it as much as you should because of all the chaos it’s creating. It’s been a while since you’ve done a petition or made a list of ideas as an attempt to shut it down, but for now it seems like enough to just hate it. They can’t change your mind. Not Seungmin, not Sam, not Jieun, not Mrs.Yang, not Chan or Changbin or Minho— not any of them, and especially not Hyunjin. You just want to be hateful in peace and you don’t know why you don’t seem to be allowed to do that.

You leave the shop feeling lighter, but also like you didn’t actually get any good advice. Sure they validated your feelings, but that’s it. You’ve been trying to figure out your feelings. You know why you’re frustrated, and even though it felt good to be validated it also felt like a waste. You hold the bag of art supplies closer to you as you walk. The sun is setting, painting the sky reds, and oranges, and purples— and you think maybe you’ll paint that. To represent the end of the turmoil that surrounds you, as something hopeful.

You relish in the soft slope of your shoulders, in the relaxation you so rarely feel nowadays, and walk briskly to your dorm so you can fall into your bed and try to forget about the fact that there’s a party you’re supposed to be at tomorrow.

And as if the thought brought it on, your phone buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out quicker than you’d ever admit and a relieved smile pulls on your lips when you see it’s from Seungmin.

pup: be ready by 9

you: ok!!!!!

you: i miss you

There’s no more responses but you don’t let that dampen your mood. He still wants you to go with him and that says enough. You do feel terrible about the way you acted— the way you’ve been acting— but you know it’s justified. You’re not irrational. Not at all.

If you collapse at the foot of your bed, art supplies sitting on the floor by your feet, and a paper by your head titled #686, no one has to know.

This Saturday has not been a day of relaxation for you. You didn’t have any plans, though instead of enjoying the peace you so rarely received, the day consisted of you running around your room with a frazzled energy following behind like a ghost. At first you contemplated showing up in a sweater and jeans; no makeup, no jewelry, just you and a lazy fit— but realized that would only bring you even more stares than if you dressed as slutily as possible.

It’s with a black leather mini skirt and a black, lacy, low cut long sleeve tucked inside that you finally allow yourself to relax. You’re probably dressed way too flashily for a college party, but you can’t entertain any thoughts like that or you’ll spend the next three hours obsessing over it— and that’s three hours that you don’t have. Knee length boots stare at you from the door and it’s with a sigh that you walk to the door and put them on.

There’s more reasons to be nervous than just the party, between the inevitable walk with Seungmin to the encounter you’re most definitely going to have with the CSC and all of its users, you’re out of your element. There’s not enough deep breaths to make you calm down, there’s no method available to help clear your mind. Your heart races much more than should be healthy. It feels like hell, even, and all you can do is let this plethora of nerves run its course.

When your phone buzzes with Seungmin’s ‘I’m outside’ text, it almost feels like your heart stops. Fuck, Seungmin’s gonna ask who you’re all dressed up for, gonna ask why you’re so nervous. Why are you all dressed up? Why are you even going? It’s too much, too much of not knowing, not understanding, not feeling right. What will it take to get you to feel right? Like in freshman year when your biggest worry was whether or not you were passing your classes, now it feels like that's a lifetime ago. Like you’ve encountered way too much to even consider anything like that— not that you need to worry about it anyway. It was supposed to be a carefree year for you. You’re always on top of your responsibilities, always prepared, and nothing ever changed that until you went on that site for the first and last time.

You stop, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath that’s otherwise pointless, and step out the door. You curse the day you ever went on that website. It’s why everything is all messed up now, but you rid those thoughts from your mind. You’re determined to have fun tonight no matter what, and no matter who’s there.

Seungmin waits at the door, A button-down hanging off his shoulders and jeans. His hair is combed back and he’s ditched the glasses.

“Hey.” It comes out meeker than you’d like, a little too timid for what your relationship with Seungmin is.

“Hey,” he smiles, the braces you love so much on full display. Your best friend is beautiful, and it’s with a pang to your chest, it’s with seeing him now— so welcoming and so normal with you— that a small part of you realizes maybe you have been being irrational. Maybe you have been acting too strongly, but then you remind yourself that you’ve never been irrational. Never.

“So I’m guessing we’re going to the CSC’s dorm?”

“You’ll fit right in,” Seungmin laughs, starting to walk. You struggle to catch up to him; it’s been so long since you last wore heels that it’s hard to get used to. You don’t grace his comment with an answer, simply relishing in the soft nightly breeze and the shine of the moon. The stars glitter from above you, light years away yet so visible. So sure of their stance in life. You don’t think stars blow up at their best friends, or feel confused, or feel lonely.

You arrive at the party all too soon. From a block away you could see people drunk, staggering in the same direction, and from down the street you could hear the bass of the music, but the warning signs weren’t nearly enough to prepare you for the actual sight of it. It’s like the typical house parties you’d see on TV, but louder and more nerve-wracking. People hang out in front, the music loud enough for them to enjoy even from outside the building. Lights flash from behind the window, an array of purples, greens, reds, and blues. You can see people's shadows from behind the curtains over the front windows, and you feel like you’re about to throw up.

“Oh god,” You mumble, taking a few shaky steps inside. You can't do this. You’re gonna freak out and embarrass yourself. You can almost feel the anxiety seeping from your pores, and the word no repeats over and over in your head like a mantra.

No no no no no.

You can’t do this, but you do it anyway. Stepping inside the party is a feat in itself, and you can’t tell if your hands are shaking from the strong bass of the music or because of pure anxiety. The music knocks into your body so strongly that your knees buckle, barely able to hold you upright. At any moment you feel like you might collapse.

You can’t do it but you do it anyway, taking one step and then another, and when the door closes behind you, you resist the urge to turn back and run away. The party is full of people— so full that it’s impossible to walk anywhere without bumping into someone, and despite your best efforts you do get stares. Whether it’s because of what you’re wearing or if it’s because it’s you at a party being held by the CSC… you’re not entirely sure. You don’t think it makes a difference. You try to ignore it, act unbothered, and it must work because after a while they look away, murmuring something or the other about what you’re doing there.

Seungmin drags you away from the door and to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge and cabinets like it’s his home. You take in the somewhat chill vibe of the kitchen compared to everywhere else. It’s not nearly as full, but there are couples at opposite ends acting as if it isn’t a place where food is kept.

You take a few deep breaths, reassure yourself that you can do this, and even if you can’t you’ll do it anyway. Seungmin doesn’t say anything, just pours you something sweet and fruity in a red cup and hands it over with a raise of his eyebrows. You drink it way too quickly and you know you’re gonna regret it later, but you need the effect it’ll bring. The faux calmness that’ll help you get through the night. Though with how full the party is you think that you won’t be able to see the hosts anytime soon if at all, and that’s enough to bring your heart to a stuttering stop before it resumes its beating in a much more slow paced manner. You’re still not calm, but you’re doing your best.

“Try to relax,” Seungmin chides, his gaze heavy where it bores into you. “Everything will be just fine.”

You nod, taking a more calculated sip of your drink this time. You let the music relax you instead of startle you— focusing on the beats and the melody— on the lyrics, instead of the volume and how it makes your body tremble. You can do this.

When you finally feel like you’re able to relax, Seungmin parts from you, saying there’s some people he has to see. You’re an adult, so you can handle being alone for a few minutes. Eventually, though, the few minutes turn into something longer. You wonder if maybe Seungmin is still upset with you— you didn’t speak much about it on the walk like you thought you would. Honestly, it was mostly silence, and you didn’t think much of it before but you are now. You hold your drink close to your chest, dubbing it your life line for the night.

You last all of thirty minutes before you feel like you’re getting too hot— the building only gets even more stuffy as more people arrive, all of you packaged like a can of sardines. You take the fleeting burst of confidence to leave the kitchen and go to the backyard, hoping that it’ll be a bit more peaceful (as peaceful as possible considering the music blasting), and allow the fresh air to graze your skin like a soft blanket. You sit down on one of the benches in the backyard, leaning your head back and closing your eyes. What will it take to feel at peace? Maybe there’s nothing you can do. And it’s with these thoughts that you do exactly what you shouldn’t do at a party, wallowing in self pity and confusion. You’re so caught up in these thoughts that you don’t notice when someone else joins you.

“Hey, bug.”

Your head whips up faster than what’s comfortable, and you barely hide the wince that struggles to leave your lips. Hyunjin speaks again before you can respond.

“Don’t leave, alright. Please?” He asks, sitting down beside you and smoothing his hands over his pants. “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“About us? About you? I’m tired of running in circles and I want to know why you hate me— the CSC so much.”

You’re silent for a moment, contemplating, thinking. You should get up, leave the backyard and this party altogether. You should ignore whatever it is Hyunjin has to say because he’s the reason for all this, right? Why is he always pretending he doesn’t know; acting like he wants to get to know you? Acting like it really matters how you feel. Everyone wants to understand, everyone wants to know why, but you don’t even know— but you’ll never admit it outright. You’ll never say the one thing that’s been your driven principle for the past year is something you’re unsure about. All you know is that it’s bad, that it’s made you feel ways that were foreign to you, and in order to regain control you need to get rid of it. No matter how anyone else feels about it, no matter who gets upset with you along the way. You need to do it.

Your voice is soft, but not meek. For once, you’re gonna get this entire experience off your chest. “When I first went on the site in the beginning of freshman year I was curious,” You start, glancing at Hyunjin and feeling the tightness in your chest return when you realize he’s already looking at you. “At first, I was curious, and then I was confused. I clicked on a few videos— I scrolled for a while— and I started to get this weird feeling. The more I watched the videos, the more I scrolled through pictures and posts, the feeling got stronger.”

You feel so stupid, but you continue. If Hyunjin makes fun of you he’s just proving your assumptions correct. “I’d never felt that way before and honestly, it kinda scared me, and it was annoying that I didn’t understand it. I didn’t do anything after that. I ignored how fast my heart was beating, how my body was reacting, and never went on that site again. Slowly, that confusion turned into anger— it’s not normal. The way I felt wasn’t normal, and that’s why I think that site needs to get shut down.”

“Bug…” Hyunjin laughs a little and you want to be offended, but you can tell it’s more shock than amusement. “Bug have you ever had sex? Or.. touched yourself at all?”

Your mouth opens and closes comically, but Hyunjin is patient, waiting and watching carefully for you to speak. “Is that what’s important?” You finally say, your eyebrows furrowed and you’re ready to defend yourself if need be. “No, I haven’t.”

“God, bug this is…” Hyunjin squints at you, “I think you were aroused.”

You splutter, feeling your heart rate spike in embarrassment. “What!? No. No.”

“That weird feeling? That heat in your gut,” Hyunjin says, and to punctuate he lays a large, warm, hand over your stomach. “You were horny.” This time, Hyunjin’s laugh is one of amusement, but you're too distracted by how big his hand is, splayed over your stomach and so warm it feels like it’s burning through your clothes.

“Hyunjin, the feeling— no, it doesn’t make sense.”

“Bug, if you’ve never ever been aroused before somehow, of course it felt weird. Holy shit.”

You don’t say anything, but Hyunjin continues before you can get a grip on your thoughts.

“I can’t believe this is the reason why you’ve hated us for so long, I honestly can’t believe it.”

“Hyunjin… that feeling wasn’t pleasurable. Control is pleasurable. I didn’t have a grip on anything that day and barely regained it on the days following. You can’t convince me that getting rid of the CSC won’t bring back a sense of normalcy. You can’t, and even if you’re right, I think that morally, the site is still wrong, and I’m not going to stop trying to shut it down.”

“There’s so much about the CSC you don’t know about, and there’s so much more to pleasure than control.” Hyunjin sighs, clearly more at ease now that he realizes you’re just confused. You don’t know, really, why you hate them. That’s clear. You’re stubborn though, he can tell, and even if this idea he has works— he’s not sure you’ll stop until you get what you want.

Earlier that day the CSC received an email from the dean, threatening that they’ll start looking into all that their site entails because of how often you keep badgering them about it. It’s starting to create a murmur between staff, and they’re growing increasingly frustrated. All that means to Hyunjin is you’re finally breaking through their resolve, running them down enough for them to consider shutting it down or supervising more intensely. Hyunjin can’t have that. None of them can. When Hyunjin approached you tonight he expected to have to beg— to have to plead with you to stop meddling. The site is bigger than you know, more important than some college stupidity. It rakes in a lot of cash, and he can’t have such petty reasoning stop that flow.

Hyunjin’s voice is husky as he continues and his words send an undeniable shiver down your spine “I can show you that the site, and sex by association aren’t bad at all. Mentally, you’re confused and physically, you’re pent up. We can’t have that can we, pretty girl?”

“No, we can’t.”

Wait. What? Yes, we can. Yes you can. You’ve been doing just fine right? You don’t need Hyunjin’s help. He’s not gonna change your mind because your mind doesn’t need changing.

“You can try to shut us down, but at the same time let us help you.”

“Us?” You murmur, attempting to understand what exactly is happening.

“All of us, the CSC can help you figure out what you’re feeling, right? We can help you decide what to do.”

“…You can help me?”

Hyunjin hums, removing his hand from your waist and trailing his finger along the skin just above the hem of your shirt. His fingers dip over your cleavage, tug at your necklace, up and up until your chin is in his hand, and he turns you to face him as his lips brush your cheek. “I want to see who will succeed first, so let me show you that there’s more to pleasure than control.”

He can help you. Out of all the people who ask you why, who say they want to understand but don’t try, he’s the one who’s offering a solution. As annoying as he’s always been to you, as much as he’s always embodied something you hate— the person who’s embedded such foreign feelings in your mind— he wants to help you. He wants to try, and he’s not telling you to stop your goal either. He’s not telling you it’s stupid, he’s not getting angry. He doesn’t make you feel irrational. You’re not irrational. You have a goal and it’s one you’re gonna complete, but… it doesn’t hurt to try, right? And if you succeed, if you shut them down and Hyunjin fails— if the CSC fails you’ll win. You’ll win and prove that you were right all along.

“Go easy on me.”

“Of course, bug.”

You keep your eyes downcast in embarrassment as Hyunjin whispers against your skin, his fingers gently turning your chin up and over to the point of focus. His lips. Pouty, sinfully crimson, curving upwards so surely, like they themselves know their effect on people. They look so soft, so wet. You want to feel them, and it’s as if Hyunjin’s read your mind because his lips are on yours before you can even blink.

“You just kissed me,” Your voice is airy, breathless, and usually you’d be embarrassed.

“Can I do it again?”

There’s a simmering, boiling tension both of you have been ignoring but you’ve lost the will to care about hating Hyunjin or Chan or the CSC. Momentarily, you’ve lost the will to feel much at all but a burning desire to take away any negative emotion you feel. You’re sick of it, sick of feeling confused. Last night you’d dealt with it by crying your eyes out, before that you’d dealt with it by having a screaming match with your best friend, and now you’re ready to look for something to fix it. This just might be the best way to start.

“Not outside.” You whisper, your hands clutching the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt with such an intensity you’re afraid it’ll rip off then and there.

The trip inside and upstairs is a blur. You’re sure if anyone saw you they stared, wondering what you two were doing together, wondering what you were going upstairs for. It’s a blur, nothing is clear but what you’re going to do at this moment, and with Hwang Hyunjin of all people. Of what you’re going to do in the future, with the CSC of all people, what you’re gonna do to them— what you’re gonna allow them to do to you— that’s the only thing on the forefront of your mind. Not about who’s watching, not about who wants to know. It’s about you. You’re the one in control, you’re the one who gets to decide. You’re the one who needs to know.

Warm. You feel warm all over, pressed against Hyunjin with his thighs spreading yours open, warm in his tight embrace. Your hands are clutching at his clothes, at his arms— It’s so hot, yet somehow the constant cool air of the room makes you shiver.

“W-what do I do?”

Hyunjin chuckles, his voice the softest you’ve ever heard it. “You don’t have to do anything, pretty. Let me handle it.”

Letting Hyunjin handle anything doesn’t sound like a very good idea to you in any instance, but in this case you let him. You’re otherwise clueless in this area and frankly, if you want his help you’re going to have to accept it when it’s given. His mouth lands back on yours, a certain kind of desire running through the kiss. His hands are all over you. Trying to grab at every inch he can, and you try your best to kiss him back with equal intensity— to move your lips against his with the same fervor.

Your heart kicks up an irritating notch when Hyunjin slides a warm hand up your shirt. You can feel the way his fingers ghost over your skin with an unnatural intensity, as if his touch is amplified tenfold. And if Hyunjin had imagined this during late nights, cock shamelessly fisted in his hand as he dreamt of you pushing your panties to the side for him to enter your tight hole, no one has to know.

“Look at me, pretty,” Hyunjin growls, your eyes opening at his command against your better judgement. His pupils are dilated, staring down at you with a foreign intensity. The way he looks at you is an awakening, and with a small burst of confidence, you bury your fingers into the collar of his shirt, bringing him down for another kiss. It’s a little awkward with your inexperience, all teeth and clumsy movements until he takes the lead. His lips feel like heaven and you want them everywhere, want to kiss him forever. You want to sink his soft groans into your skin, keep the taste of him on your tongue for the rest of your days as he licks into your mouth, coaxing feelings out of you you've never felt before— kissing you into blissful dizziness.

"I wonder why you're so pretty, hm? Been torturing me for months, sweet thing," Hyunjin teases, pressing your thighs farther apart, tongue pushing against yours, his lips cherry red. You want to kiss him again. "I don’t think you really hate me, bug.”

Your breath hitches when his hands move to your skirt, slipping under the hem and holding the fabric tightly. God, you feel so bare. Like Hyunjin is looking at you from the inside out. When he pulls your skirt down slowly, so slowly it feels like time stands still, all that’s on your mind is him. His breathing, his touch, his warmth. When your pink, lacy panties come into view the chuckle Hyunjin lets out is so deep it feels like a heavy blanket over your mind, soothing you yet igniting something in you that you didn’t know existed. God, you’re in the demon's bed but you feel like you’ve gotten a taste of heaven, and when those soft, cherry red lips ghost over your skin, trailing over your pelvis, leaving light kisses along your skin, all you can do is jerk in his hold. You’re so sensitive. So, so sensitive.

His hands grip your waist tightly and his lips trail upwards, the bridge of his nose pushing your shirt up until it’s so high your breasts threaten to fall, smothering Hyunjin’s face underneath them. You shiver at the thought, those sinful lips pressing kisses against the skin of your breasts; what would it feel like? Would it feel like this? This feeling that you’re still so unfamiliar with?

"Pretty girls deserve to know what it feels like to have me right here,” Hyunjin starts, leaning down to press a trail of kisses to your inner thigh. He bites and marks along the fleshiest parts, chuckling at your quiet whimpers and yelps. You didn’t know you could make sounds like that. He slides a hand up between your thighs and rubs between your folds, still covered by your lacy panties. “Did you come to impress someone tonight?” Hyunjin murmurs, before splitting them to rub your clit through the fabric. You feel like falling as he circles between your thighs, a gasp hiccupping at the base of your throat before it gets stuck— you can’t make a sound.

You faintly hear the rustle of clothing and the absence of Hyunjin’s touch, opening your eyes to see him pulling his shirt off, biceps flexing as he does. He’s so big, and fuck, his whole body could cover your own if he really wanted. He towers over you, caging you in and surrounding you from all sides. When his shirt is off and thrown somewhere to the floor, he looms over you, his hands pressing into the bedding at either side of your head, and all you can do is gasp— your eyes widening at his proximity.

“You okay?” He whispers, and you nod.

“Yes.”

It’s breathless. It’s not you. It’s not the person who wanted nothing to do with Hyunjin only a day ago, but you want answers. You want clarity. And right now, you want this.

Hyunjin wastes no time after your confirmation, his fingers slipping under your panties and ghosting over your skin. He lets out a harsh breath at the feeling where you’re otherwise silent, trusting that he knows what to do. When a rush of cool air blows over you though, your legs close instinctively, and Hyunjin hums, “Stay with me, bug.”

“I’m here,” You respond, slowly spreading your legs back wide and allowing him to pull your underwear down until they’re hanging off ur ankle, your arousal sticks to the fabric, but with a flick of his wrist they’re gone. They’re gone. Oh god. You’re really doing this. You take a deep breath, and when a warm hand comes to cradle your cheek you lean into the warmth. It’s okay. You’re okay.

Soft lips press against your skin, tainting the unmarked flesh with bites and bruises. He paints your neck purple and blue, fingers ghosting between your thighs, tracing and playing with the obvious wetness coating your arousal. His mouth travels upwards, pressing against your own as he claims your lips in a devouring kiss. Everything is on fire, hot and burning as lust begins to entirely consume you for the first time.

A small moan slips past your lips as he dips a finger into your slick, warm cunt, and you clench around the digit almost immediately as instinct. The cool air and your nerves make your thighs tremble, but it doesn’t seem to affect Hyunjin— not at all— if the way he keeps eye contact with you while he fingers you slowly is any indicator. Painfully slow. You don’t know if this is to help you or torture you, and you can’t help the way your thighs tense under his ministrations.

The man before you reaches his other hand towards the hem of your top to pinch the edge of it between an index finger and thumb, and pulls the cloth away from your skin.

His eyes bore into yours: “This okay?”

“Fuck, the more you ask me the more nervous I get.”

“Okay, okay. I don’t wanna make you nervous.”

“Just… be nice to me, Hyunjin. Okay?”

Hyunjin smiles, and you exhale, relaxing into Hyunjin’s sheets and letting his musky cologne consume your senses as his touch roams everywhere else.

And then finally— yet all too quickly— the shirt is tugged away from your breasts and they fall freely as Hyunjin eagerly leans closer. His nose presses against one of your hardened nipples, and you watch his pupils dilate quicker than you thought was possible. He’s barely holding back the urge to fuck you dumb, and the finger that still thrusts slowly into your cunt stutters in its movements.

Look at you. His eyes roam over the look on your face, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth, bright eyes glazed over and hooded in a bliss that’s otherwise foreign to you, a particular ease directed towards him. Then he shamelessly let his eyes drop down to your thighs that tremble even harsher under his gaze. The action only forces his mind to run wild. He can’t help but wonder how you do it— looking all innocent— being all innocent but acting like you’re not. Like you’re so sure. You’re confused, god, you don’t know what real pleasure is— and it’s Hyunjin’s job to teach you. Fuck, did he want to be under you, gazing up at your through half lidded eyes, hungrily eating up the sight of you bouncing on his cock like the slut you could be.

He dipped his head down, holding your breast in his large hand and rubbing over your nipples with his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hardened bud. Your hands automatically perched themselves on his shoulders, and he grins, moving the finger thrusting into your cunt harsher, faster.

“Oh, god,” You moan, loud, your grip on his bare shoulders tightening ever so slight. His skin was warm under your fingers— soft and smooth and fuck if it didn’t feel good.

He groans, cock stiffening more than it already had. At this rate he was probably going to cum in his pants untouched, but he held himself back. He wanted to do this right— show you all that pleasure could be. He moved his mouth from your nipple to slip lower, down lower and lower still until he came face to face with your arousal.

“Fuck. You’re driving me crazy.”

“Oh- oh Hyunjin help me, please,” You pleaded, his shoulders too far to grip onto; your hands instead finding his hair, running your fingers through and pulling when he nosed at your clit, groaning heartily when your wetness clinged to his skin.

It’s with a lick to your clit that you wail, your thighs threatening to close, and they would have if Hyunjin’s hands hadn’t reached out to force them down, pushing further and sticking his face into your arousal with more fervor, licking and sucking with such vigor that it felt as if he was trying to devour you. Your thighs trembled with every movement of his tongue, poking and prodding at every inch of your cunt, his nose dug against your clit and for a moment it felt like you were seeing stars. Your eyes fluttered shut, your mouth letting out uncontrollable moans.

You didn’t think it’d feel this good. But, you remind yourself, control feels better. You can’t let him change that— he won’t change that.

The obscene sounds that came from his actions should’ve embarrassed you, but nothing like that came to mind. Hyunjin was relentless, and you couldn’t even think of anything more than the feeling of his hair between your fingers and his tongue slurping at your cunt.

You tried to quiet your moans by clamping a hand over your mouth, but sitting up and watching the way he sucked and licked at your arousal made your head spin. He made the action so nasty. So filthy. He was wild yet careful. But what did you know? All you knew was that it was driving you insane and you didn’t know anything could feel this good.

Besides control, of course. And you assume, the eradication of the CSC would, also.

Suddenly, your stomach tenses, your body locking up, and you quickly cream all over his tongue, shaky moans slipping through your pretty lips. Your thighs shook from the aftershock, trying to come down from this feeling. Afterwards, Hyunjin’s actions felt too harsh. He didn’t change pace at all, but it felt like your body was going to arch its way into oblivion. Unable to ignore the sensitivity of your body any longer, you pushed against his head until he stopped, attempting to catch your breath.

“You okay?”

You hum, begging the beating of your heart to soften, though as soon as it finally did you looked back at Hyunjin and saw his pants sliding down his legs. His toned, muscular legs, and it started its harsh beating once again. That wasn’t it? Of course, that’s wasn’t it, but fuck. You don’t know if you can handle anything more.

The headboard of his bed knocks against the wall as he climbs back up on the bed, moving his body closer this time and instead of only his chest hovering over you, this time his legs cage you in, one on either side, as your heart pounds itself into oblivion.

One hand supported his weight on the pillow by your head while the other was preoccupied, curled around his cock as he stared down at you— something akin to a beast in his gaze. Tip reddened and precum oozing from the slit while he groaned. The tingly feeling in your groin was coming back, similar to the fluttering you always felt whenever Hyunjin would come bother you. It intensifies when Hyunjin wraps your legs around his waist and pulls you closer to him, your body dragging the bedding from under you and you yelp.

He rubs the tip of his cock against your twitching folds, teasing actions feeling more like torture before he finally sinks in. Slowly, deliberately, but you still tense. It’s scary, having something stick itself inside of you.

“Relax,” Hyunjin murmurs, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Stay with me.”

You do your best, forcing your body to relax, as he sinks deeper and deeper still. Hyunjin grunts softly when you clench down on him, and he sighs as you blink dazedly up at him.

Pretty eyes are locked intensely on your cunt, Hyunjin watching the slide of his cock as he thrusts inside. His hair is plastered along his sweat slicken forehead, and he sinks back into your slick walls with another languid roll of his hips.

“Fuck you’re so tight, baby.”

You moan, high and light, your eyes fluttering closed in bliss while Hyunjin’s chest expands with a shaky breath. He rolls his hips into yours— sinking his cock into your virgin cunt saying the filthiest words you’ve ever known before his words break off into a moan, his tone lower and deeper than his playful one. Tonight you’re seeing a whole new side of him— a new persona. This isn’t the annoying Hwang Hyunjin who bothers you and calls you ‘bug’, this is the Hwang Hyunjin everyone else knows. The one you hadn’t met yet.

“Oh, please don’t stop— be nice to me,” You babble, your hands grabbing at whatever you can— his shoulders, his back, his hair; and that’s all it takes before he suddenly takes up a pace that’s a little faster, rougher as your pussy squelches, wet and messy while your arousal smears along your thighs and the sheets.

Your body jolts with each thrust, pussy clenching around him as Hyunjin moans—every twitch and squeeze of your pussy leaving him breathless. “Come on, baby,” He pleads, and you don’t know what to do. You’re too lost in the haze of pleasure that’s taken over you— you can’t hear past the slap of your skin and Hyunjin’s groans in your ear. You know you’re moaning, but you can barely hear yourself. It’s all Hyunjin. Him all over you, surrounding you, making you feel good.

He grunts as you clench down on him with another roll of his hips, sinking deeper into you with each thrust. “That’s it, pretty,” he grunts, “Taking me so well, fuck. So greedy for me.” And again, you feel that strange feeling before tensing up, your body convulsing and arching up as Hyunjin’s thrusts grow more frantic— harsher and harsher as he groans gutturally in your ear with one last thrust long and deep, and when something shoots deep inside, you shiver one last time before your body sinks into the mattress and Hyunjin’s weight cases you in.

You feel boneless, lethargic with your movement. You feel when Hyunjin gets off you, when he closes your legs after slipping your underwater back on. You hear it when he sighs, something light and satisfied, and you barely manage to answer when he asks you how you feel. You can’t do much more than sigh, but it seems like enough for him— like that was the exact answer he was looking for. You succumb to blissful sleep right before the door shuts behind Hyunjin.

“Hear me out,” Hyunjin sighs, a lazy smile on his features even still. You’re no joke even if you might not know it yet. “I think it could really work.”

“You want us to convince Y/n to what? Leave us alone or..?” Jeongin says, leaning against the table in the kitchen.

The party has long been over, there’s a mess everywhere but it’s empty except for the eight boys and you knocked out in Hyunjin’s bed. Jisung sits sprawled on the couch, head twisted ever so slightly to betray that he’s listening to the conversation, Jeongin leans against the table and Chan has his arms folded where he leans against the wall serving as the entrance between the kitchen and the living room.

Minho downs a bottle of water by the sink, and Changbin leans against the fridge, leveling Hyunjin with an intense look. Felix and Seungmin sit on the couch opposite Jisung where they have a full view of everything and everyone.

“She barely even knows what porn is, so I said I could convince her the site isn’t that bad— and is something she could grow to like, if not love.” Hyunjin explains, his eyebrows raising in wait for the retaliation that’s sure to come.

“Why should we?” Minho asks, with a swallow, “If she doesn’t like it, honestly what does it matter.” Heads nod in agreement.

“Listen, they’re starting to consider whatever the fuck she’s selling them at those little meetings, and I got an email about investigation if this keeps up. If we fail to change her mind, we can at least distract her enough for the heat to lessen a little.”

Chan nods, “I don’t think it’s a bad idea.” He shrugs, looking over at everyone in the kitchen. “We change her mind, then we got one less problem to deal with.”

“And if we don't?” Changbin asks, tilting his head at both Hyunjin and Chan. “And if this is just a waste of time?”

“It isn’t,” Hyunjin assures, “Trust me.”

The rest of them don’t argue, but Hyunjin feels Seungmin’s gaze boring into him from the couch, feels his questions burning at the tip of his tongue, begging to be let out, so he leaves before they can succeed.

“We can talk about it more later, but I think it’ll work. It’s a good deed, and I know how much you guys love those.” Some scoffs and laughs fill the room, but Hyunjin is already halfway up the stairs, a plan forming in his mind and a pleasant smile growing on his face.

a note from iris: this chapter was late because of that long ass smut scene so i hope it was enjoyable and that this wasn’t 17k worth of a snoozefest 😭 i’m sorry it’s late!! so sorry but it’s still friday even if it’s 11 pm <3<3 not beta read not nothin so pls.. spare me.. and i hope you liked it !!!

not-so-mini taglist (there’s so many of y’all !!???): @chrisbahng @seonghwatoothless @bubblelixie @199719932000 @imsuchasimp00 @hyu-hl @oddinaryfelix @raspbinniecreme @fa3body @kittykatkrissa @andreaswrld @hattorihaechan @lachinitaaaaa @j-0ne25 @bangchanbabygirlx @ni-sh @green-orangeade @sincerely-skz @exclusivej3ss @elizalabs3 @lili-kims-blog @curiousgworge @midsoulz @sawadabegum @reighlee-greaves @lotus-dly @blcar @impossiblewritingrebel @yourhwngness @idek-at-this-point-lol @multihoe-net @hyun-bun @hwan-g @ughbehavior @rindomo @awesomelycoolworld @springdeity @todolyn @meowminhosblog @hyunelixies @emotionalwreckkk-blog @seungschacco @avyskai @cvfechan @jeyelleohe @vvsmydiamonds127 @chriscentric @simpforpunzngl @be-a-spacequeen @svintsandghosts @myjisung @hanjiesgf

*** if your tag didn’t work make sure your blog is visible! if i somehow missed you when tagging i offer a sincere apology <3

[aemiron-main]

heyy so. just wondering what happened with will80sbyers bcs i'm so confused??

Hey, anon! Great question, I’m going to use this ask to properly lay it out, seeing as many people (Dani included) seem determined to distort what actually happened. So, with that said:

What Happened Recently With Dani/ Will80sByers ?

I don’t really care anymore but I’m just going to just lay all of it out simply because I’m sick of being accused of saying/doing things that I didn’t do and also sick of watching Dani play the victim & continuing to double down on her gross comments as usual. Also I’m using screenshots simply because I’m sick of playing a game of telephone with this & I’d rather just put the screenshots right there instead of trying to paraphrase 50 million different posts.

So, it started here, when Dani made this post: 

And look, I deeply disagree with that post (as I do with many of the posts of Dani’s that are going to be in that post), but that post wasn’t the issue (I’ll explain what the actual issue was in a second). And then, after Dani posted that, she got multiple anons (which, we'll also come back to Dani's responses to these anons in a second because that ties into my actual issue with Dani):

First anon:

Second anon:

Third anon:

Fourth anon:

And then Dani posted this:

And then Dani doubled down on this post in her replies:

I was sent screenshots of this post about rape forgiveness and of some of the previous anons since a.) it involved Edward etc and later b.) it involved Henry analysts being accused of being rapist apologists. I saw the anons before I saw the rape apologist post. And then Dani got this anon:

This anon claims to known “exactly” who is sending the anons and goes off about a bunch of stuff, and then Dani got this anon:

Accusing me of having sent this anon:

Which, is it just me or is it interesting that the original anon and the anon accusing me of having sent the original anon both have a very similar typing style, and that the person accusing me of sending it was super quick to point out things like the use of the word “rancid” which is supposedly an indication that I wrote the ask?

Like, is it not a bit odd that the second anon just immediately picked up on that? It’s almost like both anons were written by the same person, some person who clearly has some sort of issue with me and wants to make it seem like I was going onto Dani’s blog to start shit.

Whether people believe me or not, I know that I didn’t send that anon to Dani, so I’d love to know who did. It’s either somebody super passionate about Edward (which is a super tiny group of people), or, it’s somebody passionate about disliking me. If I wanted to criticize Dani’s analysis/takes on Henry/whatever, I would simply do so publicly, as I always have.

It’s funny to me that people will criticize me so often for being upfront about this stuff/”namedropping”/specifically for NOT doing things anonymously, but then as soon as anonymous stuff pops up, I’m the main suspect?? Make up your minds, please! 

And anyway, that brief tangent aside, Dani also got this anon:

And for some reason, people were super upset that I “namedropped” Dani. Which I really don’t understand- she has a name/username that she displays publicly, and these are posts that she posted publicly. I don’t understand why it’s such a big issue to “namedrop” somebody regarding posts that they made publicly. I personally find the vaguing and dancing and around issues without ever saying names far more frustrating. If you’re willing to post something publicly under your public name/username that you choose to display on your blog, why is it such an issue for somebody to name you when discussing said post?? It’s not like I broke into her house and pulled the post out of a secret safe under her floorboards 😭😭

And it’s also funny as hell that Dani uses the word “spying” in this context because a.) people were dm’ing me the shit that she said, I wan’t “spying” on a damn thing and b.) even if i did go onto her blog, in what world is going onto somebody’s public blog with their public posts “spying”? It’s clear that Dani was just grasping at straws in an attempt to avoid addressing the actual issues at hand (her gross comments).

Dani claims that she was just “saying her opinion on a character,” and the anon says that I was shittalking Dani for her takes on Henry. Which, again, both of them are ignoring the actual issue here. Do I think that Dani’s takes on Henry are factually incorrect, deeply biased, and -gasp- even stupid? Yes. Would I have bothered making all of the posts that I did/would I have been as upset as I was if the issue was simply Dani having bad takes about Henry? NO!!!!!

Dani having bad takes and, specifically, having bad takes about Henry is nothing new. Sky is blue, grass is green, I think Dani’s takes on Henry and on the rest of the show are factually incorrect and heavily biased, as I always have. That wasn’t the key issue here.But as previously mentioned what I was actually upset about was: 

a.) Dani comparing Henry analysis to rape sympathizers & saying that we would “probably forgive IRL rape” and also saying that would be “nazi sympathizers

b.) Dani making posts re: Henry where she made comments about people dealing with personality disorders in real-life and where she didn’t bother backing up any of her claims about “people who just want to kill people,” with any actual medical facts or actual disagnoses/actual facts about those diagnoses, and instead, relied on her surface-level opinions of Henry and his behaviour in the show to say that he had a personality disorder that just makes him want to kill people and then used THAT and Henry’s behaviour in the show to draw conclusions about real-life people with personality disorders.

It came across as weird and stigmatizing and ableist on Dani’s part, hence why I was upset by it. And hell, it wasn't even a Huge Issue at first. just ignorant and weird on Dani's behalf and, I just made a minor bitchpost about it, most of which was in the tags no less, and then the rapist/nazi comments were the big issue.

When it comes to the ableism, these three posts/responses of Dani’s were the ones I had an issue with:

1.)

2.)

3.)

The issues I have with these posts & why it comes across as ableist to me was that Dani never actually names this mysterious murderer personality disorder. She simply uses “personality disorder” as a stand-in to encompass all of Henry's traits (many of which are simply harmless autistic traits) and as far as I can tell, never actually named a specific personality disorder, and instead, just kept lumping all of Vecna's supposed crimes (rape, murder, etc) under some ambiguous serial murderer personality disorder. Dani also talked in one of those responses about Henry being born with a lack of empathy and that being tied to his personality disorder that makes him kill people which, not only is that a false claim about Henry (which isn't the point/issue here bc again I expect that from Dani), but it's also stigmatizing and weird/ableist to throw around a lack of empathy as being tied to the reason why he supposedly ends up as a murderer (dani also then tries to say he was born neutral and all his actions are just conscious choice which is weird considering that she Just connected his actions/murders to being the result of a lack of empathy without any actual evidence to support this and further stigmatizing anyone that's low-empathy. ) My main point is that it's definitely veering into ableism and hatred, specifically when Dani's talking in the context of real-life people, to never actually name a specific disorder, and instead just seemingly invent some sort of magical personality disorder that makes you a.) murder people and b.) unable to hold a conversation and also just seems to lump all personality disorders together. AGAIN, it wasn't even a huge issue at first, just annoyance with Dani's ignorance/her getting into ableism territory while acting morally superior, and the big issue was the rapist/nazi comments.

And Dani's response to criticism of ableism was as follows:

And regarding this, I know that Dani never outright said that all people with personality disorders enjoy killing people, but she IS claiming that people with personality disorders enjoy killing people & just using "personality disorders" as a lump term/she's coming very close to claiming that all people with personality disorders do. She literally just uses "personality disorder/personality disorders" as her reason for Henry/Vecna's crimes without ever actually providing an actual disorder or evidence. She IS lumping them together. It's right there in those anon responses from earlier. And I already talked in another post (way before any of this drama/not connected to Dani) re: why what we read in the scripts isn't some Inherent Truth, and that's neither here nor there because I'm not here to go through everything that's incorrect lore-wise/analysis wise in Dani's responses because i'd be here all day. I'm just trying to point out what the Actual Issue was re: ableism (which I just made one annoyed post about and the rest of my pissed off posting was regarding the rape apologist comment from dani so its not even like the ableism thing was a Massive Huge Issue at first), and the actual issue re: ableism and dani was the way that Dani just lumps all personality disorders together/uses "personality disorder" as this weird nebulous scapegoat for all sorts of crimes. And regarding, that one small annoyed initial post I made, this was it:

And it was specifically about Dani making things up about Henry and Edward re: some mythical magical personality disorder that they supposedly have that makes them want to kill people, and I was frustrated with the ableism involved in that.

And I also mention specifically in the tags of said post that this was regarding the the ableism (as I hadnt’ seen the rapist post yet), and how this wasn’t just a matter of me disagreeing with Dani/her having bad takes/how that wasn't the core issue but specifically a matter of the ableism and Dani acting morally superior while also continuing to use personality disorders as this nebulous scapegoat term.

And later on, as I mentioned earlier, Dani made this post: 

Which, is pretty self explanatory, so then not only was I annoyed/bitchposting about Henry analysts being lumped in with rape apologists, but also about the comparison to nazi sympathizers. LIke. Come on. Dani sat there and complained about people "sending her mean anons over a tv show" while also calling people rapist and nazi apologists over a tv show. Personally, I'd take the mean anons any day.

So, long story short, anon- it was a shitshow. My actual issue was never Dani’s poorly done analysis/bad takes on Henry- my key issue was with Henry analysts being accused of forgiving IRL rapists & being compared to Nazi sympathizers simply for analyzing a character in a TV show.

And yet, Dani and all her asskissing anons continue to dodge the point (as usual) act like all of my frustration was simply because she doesn’t like Henry/because she disagrees with Henry analysis.

It’s annoying as all hell to watch Dani play the victim while missing the actual issue & acting like she’s being “harassed for sharing her opinion on a character,” when the actual issue at hand was her gross comment about rape apologism, her gross comment about nazi sympathizing, and her weird/very much bordering on ableist by being so broad & lacking actual evidence comments about personality disorders.

It’s especially annoying since if anyone harasses other people for sharing their opinions on characters it’s Dani accusing people of being biphobic when they disagree with her bi mike analysis, and Dani’s whole group of asskissing anons.

A few months back, I had to shut down my anon box entirely because I was just getting constant anons specifically regarding Dani and her posts & calling me biphobic for making gay Mike analysis/for criticizing literally any aspect of any bi Mike analyses and claiming that I was just being “misogynistic and biphobic” despite hilariously never actually being able to point to which of my claims were supposedly misogynistic or biphobic. And I also had some anons making comments about me being trans and how that must tie into internalized misogyny and biphobia and how I must not actually understand gay mens’ experiences and therefore it’s wrong for me to bring up gay mens’ experiences since I’m apparently just actually a bi girl who has internalized misogyny and biphobia, and not a gay trans dude. (I just ended up deleting/blocking those anons because the last thing I needed was ANOTHER round of terfs getting wind of it and hounding my blog, esp since this was in my earlier days on tumblr where I wasn't as comfortable with confrontation as I am now/didn't have a backup of my blog incase something happened, but now I wish I had them because it was rlly Smthn to say over to someone over st discourse)

And while it would be unfair to pin those anons on Dani specifically, as they’re anonymous and I don’t know who sent them, and while I’m not saying she sent them as I don’t actually think she did, they were definitely defending her/her analysis, and so it’s ironic to see the same sort of Dani stan anons who sent ME hateful stuff over my opinions on a character coddling Dani because somebody criticized her ableist remarks and her rape and nazi apologism remarks. 

And those same sort of anons also kept telling me to shut up and not post anymore/hollered about how bad my gay Mike posts are which I don't give a shit I'll make whatever posts I want but again, just. Ironic. Considering how many of her anons were upset that Dani was being "silenced and harrassed".

And I’m far from the same person who’s dealt with bitchy anons tied directly to Dani’s fans/stans/little group, whatever you want to call it. Dani is well-known ATP for throwing biphobia accusations at anyone who disagrees with her analysis, so it seems like many of her comments about people (such as me) being unable to handle differing opinions are nothing more than projection on her part.

Anyway! There’s a long rant, anon! I’m over it at this point, but figured it’d be a good idea to summarize it all here, seeing as Dani seems fixated on making herself the victim & twisting things around as usual, and I don’t appreciate being made into some sort of bad guy for something that isn’t true/because Dani and others insist on ignoring the reality of what my issue was/why I was upset and accusing me of “sending my hounds” to Dani’s inbox.

Which like. What hounds?? What legions of people at my disposal do people think I have?? If my hounds are listening, can you guys do my laundry or smthn?? Can we meet?? Kiss on the mouth maybe?? 

Even the ableist/weird remarks about personality disorders weren't That Big Of A Deal, just ignorant and dumb on Dani's part, and I just made ONE minor bitchpost on the topic initially, but then I started getting accused of sending anons that I didn't send, and THEN dani came out with the rapist and nazi posts and THAT'S what sparked my main bitchposting/criticism of her.

Anyway, I never sent anyone to Dani, I never sent a damn thing to Dani my own self, *Bill Clinton voice* I DID NOT HAVE ANONYMOUS RELATIONS WITH THAT BLOG!! 

Hope that finally clears things up for you and everyone else, anon.

(and also just as i was finishing this up, found out that dani as of this morning has apparently doubled down on the rape and nazi comments AGAIN. my god.)

[hanjiesgf]

– upgrade.

pairing: yang jeongin x fem!reader (ft han jisung)

contains: power play (?), face riding, masturbation, biting, lowkey sub/dom dynamics, voyeurism, exhibitionism, perv!jisung, switch!afab!reader, switch!jeongin.

word count: 3.1k

a/n: hello !!! i just hit 200 followers and this is my little baby, i had a dream and iris made fun of me BUT encouraged me to write this,,, AND IM SO SLOW!!!!! i loved reader and jeongin’s relationship omgggg,,, also this is my self-birthday gift bc TODAY THAT IM POSTING THIS IM OFFICIALLY 21,,,, and probably this is my only smut ever written (this long, bc i usually don’t write THAT MUCH) so please enjoy and remember to give me some feedback hehe tysm!!!!!

a screaming match in the kitchen woke you up.

you sighed as you put on a shirt that wasn’t yours and went to see what was happening.

it was very common for you and your roommates to share clothes, after all, you washed them together and sometimes they get mixed up, so it wasn’t a problem at all to use someone else’s clothes.

the han jisung vs yang jeongin live action was happening in the middle of your kitchen.

your classmate seungmin, who was also majoring in photography like you, mentioned that two of his close friends were looking for a place to stay, you hugged him tightly and he blushed hard making you giggle. so after some interrogation on your part, you found jeongin and jisung to be a good fit for so place you called home.

and here they were, a whole year later, fighting for their lives in the middle of the kitchen. jeongin was holding jisung’s arm against his back in some sort of wrestling position, jisung struggling against the kitchen counter with jeongin on his back laughing.

and here they were, a whole year later, fighting for their lives in the middle of the kitchen. jeongin was holding jisung’s arm against his back in some sort of wrestling position, jisung struggling against the kitchen counter with jeongin on his back laughing.

“when are you going to behave, hyung?” jisung groaned, getting more and more frustrated with every passing second. you watched it all from the door, giggling.

“why are you bullying your hyung, innie?” both of them snapped their heads towards your voice, watching you lean against the door with a smile.

“why are you bullying your hyung, innie?” both of them snapped their heads towards your voice, watching you lean against the door with a smile.

jisung instantly freed himself from jeongin’s grasp when he was distracted by your presence, jumping quickly away from him with a fight stance. “don’t ever do that to me again.”

“then don’t be stealing my food when i repeatedly asked you if you wanted some and you said no three times.” jisung raised his eyebrows in annoyance, then he turned his head towards you like he was expecting you to say something.

“what are you looking at, jisungie? he told you.” jeongin winked and you, grabbed his food, and walked quickly to his room without saying anything else, brushing his arm with yours as he walked past you.

jisung scoffed, starting to make some breakfast for himself after the whole catastrophe he had just suffered. you walked to the refrigerator and got yourself some cereal and milk, watching how jisung was fuming making himself some sandwich.

“stop frowning, you look ugly.” that’s a lie.

his eye twitched, “shut up, you didn’t say anything to defend me.”

you scoffed at him, eating your cereal unbothered. “literally it was none of my business, chill out.” he rolled his eyes and took a seat in front of you on the table.

you both ate in silence for a few minutes, occasionally glancing over to watch the other. until you broke the silence.

“do you want to watch a movie or something with me in my room?” jisung choked on his sandwich, making you laugh. “are you okay?”

“no thanks, i have other important things to do now.” he looked away, you looked shocked for a few seconds, then quickly regained your composure. was he still mad for the fight thing?

“sure.” you stood up from the table looking at him one last time, leaving your plate in the kitchen sink. “have fun then, i’ll ask innie.”

giggling on your way to jeongin’s room you thought about jisung, he never rejected the chance to spend time with you, even to the point to cancel his plans to hang with you, you shrugged it off and knocked on jeongin’s door.

“come in!”

you opened the door to see jeongin sitting with his legs crossed still eating his food and watching some anime on his laptop. “hi.”

jeongin nodded at you, mouth full of food, he paused the anime and put the bowl of food on his nightstand. “hey, what’s up.”

jeongin was wearing an oversized graphic tee, with a pair of shorts that left almost nothing to the imagination, his marked thighs from working out daily against the fabric, showing off more because of the way he was seated on his bed.

“jisungie rejected my invitation to watch a movie in my room, y'know, i have an actual tv.” you grinned, wiggling your eyebrows, you were set on watching a movie with someone, it doesn’t matter if it was jisung or jeongin.

“is this an invitation to fuck?”

huh?

you smirked, “i mean if we are in the middle of the movie and you get hard i’ll think about it.” jeongin chuckled.

“that depends on the movie.” he raised his brows, with a playful smile.

“you think we are watching fifty shades or what?” you grinned.

he shook his head, standing up and getting closer to you, then you noticed his wet hair, he had showered before the breakfast incident probably. he smelled good, and he was looking extraordinarily handsome today.

“well, are we going or not?”

you rolled your eyes as you followed him to your room. he got himself comfortable on your bed and took the lead to pick the movie, you went to see if jisung was still in the kitchen, but he wasn’t there, so on your way back to the room you clashed with jisung who was leaving the bathroom.

“sorry,” you glared at him, he looked at you weirdly and peeked on your open door, seeing jeongin getting comfortable on your bed, covering himself with your blankets. “oh… you went to jeongin instead?”

you scoffed, “of course, i want to watch a movie, weren’t you busy?”

jisung looked away, “yes, sorry.”

“good luck, bye.” you entered your room and closed the door on jisung, leaving him speechless.

jeongin looked amused by the whole situation, “i’m still winning after all.”

“don’t.”

you jumped on the bed and took your spot beside jeongin, who was looking very cozy with your blankets on top of him. he had already put a movie on, it was a horror movie and you were happy.

“we’ll watch a movie adaptation of the book it by stephen king.” jeongin murmured, getting comfier and putting his head on your shoulder. you nodded and rested your head against his soft hair.

you could count with two hands the actual time the both of you watched the movie. the protagonist’s little brother was about to die to the ugly ass clown hiding in the sewer when jeongin’s hand gazed at your thigh, at first you shrugged it off but the second time you felt his fingers against your skin, you knew it wasn’t an accident.

“are you truly getting horny with this scene?” you chucked, caressing jeongin’s hair with your hand.

he grabbed your thigh and stroked it gently with his long and slender fingers. “to be honest, you’re not wearing pants.” was he a genius?

“i’m wearing underwear, that’s how i sleep, that’s not an excuse.”

“you literally invited me here to fuck.” you gasped offended.

“i did not,” you pushed his head off your shoulder making him look at you frowning. “bro i just wanted to see a movie in peace but you horny gremlin and the other angry gremlin cannot do this to me.”

jeongin smirked, quickly pausing the movie and looking back at you as he sat on your lap. “what are you-” he took off his shirt and looked down at you. “what the fuck jeongin.”

“at least are you thinking about it?” of course you were thinking about it, he was literally shirtless in front of you, his toned chest from working out and his biceps at your display.

you traced your hand around his chest, playing with his nipples as he shivered. he placed his arms around your neck as you played with his chest, scratching his pecs with your nails.

“you’re fully thinking about it.”

you nodded, tilting your head to the side and watching him stare at your lips, his chest slowly expanding with each breath he took and licking his lips more times than he could count. you pouted, your doe eyes working hard and fast on him.

“so are you going to kiss me or not?” he grinned as he leaned on, capturing your lips in a kiss. and he was good, slowly sucking on your lower lip making it a hundred percent hotter than it should be.

still sitting in your lap with his arms around your head, holding you up to keep you in place, kissing him. his hips started working against your lower belly, the bulge on his shorts growing hard with each thrust. “oh?” he giggled like he got caught doing something bad.

“was this your plan all along?” you asked, after a long kiss. jeongin was lowkey breathless, so he just nodded.

he was kissing you again, one hand caressing your cheek and the other holding your head. his tongue made expert movements inside your mouth, wanting more and more from you.

your hands were still on his chest, making him tremble against you every time your hands caressed his torso. you could feel his already hard cock against your belly, taking the initiative, your hand wandered down to his shorts making him jump slightly, he smiled against your mouth when he realized what you were doing.

“take them off?” he rolled his eyes as he struggled with letting your lips go.

he got up from your lap, quickly taking all of his remaining clothes off and smirking when your eyes went down to stare at his hard leaking cock shining with precum on the tip, he made a mocking sound.

“i mean, it’s a pretty dick, why are you laughing?” he just shook his head as he got closer to you, kissing you deeply leaving no room between the both of you as he got on your lap again.

you wasted no time getting your hands and mouth on him, watching him gasp at the feeling of your hand on his cock and the other playing with his balls. your mouth attacking his neck leaving very notorious marks that he enjoyed by the sound of his pitched moans, his hands traveled to your hair, pulling it as you jerked him off.

between the sweet sounds of jeongin’s moans on top of you, grinding his hips against your hand to gain more friction, you heard some shuffling on your door, it was now a little bit open but you didn’t pay it any attention, your lock was broken anyways.

jeongin’s breath got erratic and your head snapped in his direction, feeling yourself getting hornier just by his looks, sweaty hair, and gaping mouth. “i’m going to-” he gasped, closing his eyes shut, his whole body shaking on top of you. he came in your hand, with a few last pumps he began to whine result of the overstimulation.

he moved himself to the side so you could step out of the bed and get yourself cleaned, you had fluids all over your arm and hand, and some on your shirt too.

“come back here, you’re going to sit on my face.” as you were wiping your arm with a wet cloth jeongin made himself comfortable again on your bed.

“is that so?” he nodded enthusiastically, sticking his tongue out.

you teased him lowering your underwear, which was soaking wet, and throwing it close to the door. jeongin licked his lips as you walked closer to him until you were towering over him only wearing your shirt.

“c’mon, sit.” he didn’t have to ask you twice, you got yourself on top of his head, getting yourself comfortable on the bed and with his head between your legs. the moment you lowered yourself into his mouth he did a long lick on your folds, taking it all in.

you moaned loud, damn he was good.

he traced his tongue all around your folds, alternating between your hole and clit, making you jump when he pressed his tongue in the spot you liked so much. your hand flew to his hair, pulling it hard to make him keep doing what he was doing perfectly fine under you.

jeongin puffed air on your folds as he separated his mouth from your core, you exhaled shakily as you looked down to see him smirking at you. “you look so pretty on top of me.” you rolled your eyes.

“that’s why you stopped?” he quickly grabbed your thighs to pull you down on him, sucking on your clit with a mission on his mind.

jeongin was good with his mouth, in every way that could sound. he was an excellent singer, the best student in his university debate club, and of course, a god giving head.

your hands flew to his hair again, pulling him up so he could continue doing what he was doing, jeongin didn’t fight you and accepted it happily. his hands were gripping your thighs to keep you in place on his face, after a few seconds he started to move you to ride his face, and you were happy to comply with it.

the sounds coming out of your mouth were music to jeongin’s ears, he speeded up his movements on your clit making you whine riding his face harder. he was grateful if his death was between your legs, giving you oral.

with a few last movements on your part, you came on his face with a loud moan, your legs quivering as he held you up in place to keep you from falling to the ground, licking all of the fluids that came from you gladly. when he finished doing that, he slowly removed himself from under you skillfully, and you were still recuperating from the orgasm now laying on the bed.

“round two?” he proposed from the other side of the bed, you exhaled, preparing yourself mentally as you nodded.

“get yourself hard, my hand is sore.” you joked, totally willing to suck him off and then fuck.

“don’t worry, i’m ready if you are.” confusedly you looked at him, and to your surprise, he was rock hard, probably from eating you out.

okay, that was hot.

“do you have condoms here? or should i go to my room for one?” he teased you with a wink, and you suppressed a laugh.

“maybe you should ask your hyung for one, huh?” he looked at you incredulously, you snickered and pointed to your bedside table smiling wide.

jeongin got to work, and quickly got the condom from your drawer looking at you funny because you had a LOT of them in your drawer, you shrugged. your mouth watered at the sight of his hard cock, ready to wreck you. you were still wearing just the shirt, you got ready on the bed as jeongin jumped on you, accommodating himself between your legs with the condom on, as he should.

he took his time teasing the head of his cock between your folds, smiling every time you complained, he played like that for at least a minute, between kissing you and putting just the tip inside of you, taunting.

“such a big cock and no use for it?” you pouted mockingly, already wanting to get fucked dumb and stop being teased.

“shut the fuck up.” it wasn’t just the tip now, it was the full package inside you.

“holy fuck, that’s it!"

he grinned as he pistoned his hips hard and fast, his hands went directly to hold your waist and the other to keep himself against the bed frame. It was impressive how he fucked you swiftly without losing balance, your cries made him go vigorously faster, it was like you were cheering him on to make you come again.

"baby right there!” he was going feral, growling at your sounds and reactions from his cock.

he was pounding into you like there was no tomorrow, his face buried in your neck and not putting any of his weight on top of you so you could bounce on his cock freely. your hand went to your clit and the other to his hair, pulling it hard making him moan, it was obvious that he liked it so much.

the sound of skin slapping, your cries, and jeongin’s grunts almost made you not notice the door opening a little, making your head turn that way.

what you didn’t (or you did?) expect, was seeing jisung jerking off with your soaked panties on the doorframe, the door was a few centimeters open but you could see him clearly as a day touching himself with your underwear standing there, gawking at jeongin’s dick entering your hole quickly.

jisung hadn’t realized that you had caught him looking at you, he was stuck watching jeongin fuck you. the hand movements on his cock were painfully slow, your panties probably burning his skin as he jerked off with them, his precum drenching your panties more than they were before.

you were in a trance watching how jisung enjoyed the situation just like you, and how probably he was standing there for a long time before you realized. as his movements were getting faster, his sight flew to your face and you saw how the blood left his face just as fast his hand was pumping his cock.

“hi, jisungie,” you said beaming, jeongin raised his head and turned it towards the door while continuing to fuck you, smiling wickedly when he saw the situation jisung was caught in.

“i told you hyung was a pervert.” jeongin said groaning, psyching himself up to continue without being interrupted again.

“i-” jisung stuttered, frozen in site.

you threw your head back, getting yourself back in the mood with jeongin biting your neck. ignoring how jisung tried to explain himself as you enjoyed your second flawless orgasm of the day, your whole body shaking with jeongin holding you tight seeking his own release.

“fill me up, please.” he came with a cry, falling on top of you breathless.

jeongin snuggled into your neck, hugging you with his dick still inside you getting softer with every passing second. you embraced him back ruffling his hair and chuckling.

“you’re wearing hyung’s shirt, you know that right?” jeongin whispered, caressing your arm softly.

“tsk, i know.” you looked back at the door, which was now closed jisung nowhere to be seen.

you both giggled like kids.

© all content belongs to @hanjiesgf. do not copy / plagiarize / repost or translate my work on any other platforms.

[oneforthemunny]

Was inspired by a blurb by another blog ( @indouloureux ) about Eddie helping a reader with this scenario and thought it was entertaining: How each Eddie would respond to asking for help about struggling to pull your tampon out.

Modern!Eddie is an absolute simp and does not let her get embarrassed about anything and annoyingly says “It would be my honor🫡”

Mafia!Eddie is unfazed, man has seen more blood than he’d like to admit, but is lightly scolding you for not being careful, “Oh Kitten, need daddy’s help always.”

Older!Eddie is confused as to why you’re asking him, “Bunny, you know I’d do it, but my eyesight is terrible and I’d probably make it worse.”

Cowboy!Eddie would do it with just a small chuckle, “You’re one of a kind, sugar. Let’s get you sorted out.”

Dom!Eddie is slightly weirded out, not because it’s a period or vagina, but that something made for half the population is that tricky to use. “You’d think these scientists would figure something out for once, but noooo.”

Bartender!Eddie would help after you’d explain to him for five minutes that, yes, a tampon can get stuck and that it’s not an indicator of the size of your vagina, “Listen babe, you’re tight as fuck, that’s probably why- Okay fine do you have a better answer?”

Rockstar!Eddie would do it, but him and Nepotism Baby are married with multiple of the girls, so he is laughing. He pretends to think about it for a few minutes while she’s standing in the bathroom doorway mad as ever.

omfg this is a nightmare scenario but also so funny.

modern!eddie is on it!! you're freaking out and he's like "I got you" tries to get her to relax so he can get in there. "baby, I'll get it out, ok? just calm down. you're too tight." all sweet and coaxing. he gets it out eventually.

janitor!eddie would be similar, but she's so embarrassed to ask him. he hears her grunting and crying out in pain in the bathroom, so he's like??? you good?? and you're like frustrated and sobbing and hormonal, and he comes in to see you, foot on the counter mirror in one hand and tweezers in the other. "my tampon got stuck!!!" you wail, and he's ready to go. soothing and shushing so you'll relax, kneels down under you and gets it out.

mafia!eddie would be so unfazed by blood tbh. he's more effected by the hormones of a period than blood, doesn't think it's gross or whatever lame guys say. you get it stuck, and you're in the bath trying to like waterboard, flush it out and he's like??? here, let me. you're like "ed! be careful! don't push it back more!" and he's like I got it. pulls it out easily, like a bullet lol.

older!eddie bless him he's gotta put his readers on bc he can't see shit. wearing one of those headband type things with a light and his bifocals while you're just spread eagle in front of him.

cowboy!eddie is like.... what? not that he's like grossed out like he knows what a period is and it's natural, but he's horrified that... tampons get stuck??? they break???? he's sick at the thought of that. but he'd help you out. he's been inside animals before, unfortunately, so it's nothing he's not used to lmao.

dom!eddie would be in awe about 1) how far they had to go up your cooch 2) it broke?? like you would think they wouldn't want those things to break what the fuck. he's ranting the whole time. "whoever did this should be fucking guillotined because why would you make a shitty- I'm sorry sweetheart, I've almost got it- why would you-" "ed! shut up!" you grit, tears in your eyes. it feels much different that when he's normally inside of you.

bouncer!eddie has you hovering over his face so he can see in and try to get it out. "too tight, baby, I told you. got a grip reaper and look-" "eddie, shut the fuck up. that has nothing to do with this."

rockstar!eddie if it happened pre-babies would be disgusted. he would be gagging and she'd be bitching him out left and right, because he's being a fucking baby. then if it happened post babies and after they were married, he'd be cackling. probably say something gross like "and people wonder if you're still tight after six kids. gonna start telling them about this." "edward, I will fucking kill you. don't you dare tell anyone."

[montypng]

new follower here, love your art so much it's filled with so much character! I saw your tag on the lovely ghoul art; so, thought I'd send an ask: I'd love to hear your thoughts on danger days! Any things at all, feel free to ramble if you want! I always love hearing others hcs/opinions/etc on the series!

HELLO this ask has been sitting in my inbox since january sorry..its mostly bc i have sooo many things 2 talk about and i wasnt sure what i wanted 2 say in this answer but whatever im just gonna ramble SO!!! U get a bunch of random hcs and maybe thematic analysis yippee!! and thank u soo much for the kind words :]

imo all the kjs have some form of body focused repetitive behavior because this is my world and i do what i want.. poison and ghoul have dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking), and kobra and jet have trich (hair pulling) maybe. I think constantly being on the run + adrenaline highs and lows would lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms for all of them and desert living leads 2 pretty shit skin (poison+kobra have at least had bad acne for sure) which is conducive to skin picking..i think the venom siblings and ghoul are bat city runaways too so the withdrawal from bli pills (+shakes and sweats) contributed to them developing bfrbs.

ghoul also gets really bad shakes and jitters from withdrawal, so when it gets so bad that they can’t work on their explosives he blasts mad gear as loud as it can from its speakers and lets himself scream all the frustration out.

also ghoul definitely has hearing loss from bomb detonation in too close proximity. tell me it would know abt proper hearing protection safety protocols with a straight face its impossible.

kobra was born w microform cleft lip, which means he has a little deformity/groove in his upper lip kind of similar to a snake’s . also he broke his nose at some point and it healed wrong so crooked nosebridge↴

both jet and kobra are prone to migraines bc of eye strain and sensitivity (jet is nearly fully blind in his right eye and both kobras eyes are extremely sensitive to light, hence the sunglasses).

sometimes when the migraines are too much they both lie down in the trans am seats together at night and close their eyes and breathe in the dark

prior to jets eye injury they were the teams best marksman, and im not sure yet how greatly that changes after they lose depth perception, but one thing i like to believe is that jet is also a great sniper (stereoscopic vision due to retinal disparity is also only effective up til about 30 meters too so he wouldnt need to rely on binocular vision for that), so maybe they focuse on that skill post-injury. how i picture their scar ↴

this is so long already but 1 last thing more in a thematic analysis vein: i need ppls opinions on the girl and her story PLEASE. she has so little agency in the canon narrative but . Where r the girlposters around here i need to hear others thoughts on her guilt complex from the fab 4s sacrifice and her running away from her own role as the protagonist of a story she never wanted 2 be part of and her blowing up the city that killed her family and whether or not that alleviated her neuroses and brought catharsis or not and her characterisation as a literal bomb and destructive force even though shes just a kid and ughhh. Linking this girl post i made a while ago w an anne carson quote that makes me crazy ANYWAYS. Talk 2 me about her. Im begging.

[remcycl333]

Rem, I need a friend. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I mention it because I think this issue has to with my condition, and I don't know if I'm wrong but I read a post from you once where you said you had BPD and ADHD –correct me if I'm wrong– and I thought maybe you can understand me.

Anyways, my issue is, I struggle deciding what I want. Recently I had a situation with a guy, he has ADHD and him being forgetful, triggered me and had me begging for his attention. He was very kind and never reacted badly, but then he ghosted me, which triggered me again. My mind keeps telling me maybe it was his ADHD and maybe he now just feels guilty and feels like it's too late to answer (it's been weeks). I planned on texting him again but I don't want to fall into this dynamic.

I was thinking, "if I want to date him I should just go to the end and focus on that". Then I was like "Do I really want to date him?" Then I had another thought of "Maybe I should move on" and then "Wait, I actually do want to date him" and then "No, I just want validation" and then "Nope, I don't give a damn about validation he ain't even that good" and then "I do like him, maybe we should date" and then "I don't even want to have a conversation with him" and then "I want to know more about him" the point is, I always start a process of manifesting something and then the next day (sometimes not even a day) I want something else, and it's a mess because I end up manifesting NOTHING, only more frustration.

Tbh, if I wasn't triggered, I would 100% like to date him. I mean I met him 6yrs ago and liked him for months (we never talked but we were classmates in uni and he was super hot), then never saw him again until this year and when I saw him I was so happy and excited, and the crush I had on him resurfaced and it felt like a new chance to try. Until now that I am feeling so confused, and when it seems like I made up my mind, I then remember why I'm triggered and slip out again, and when I have "given up", I want him again, and it's exhausting.

omggg yes, i do have bpd and adhd and this was so crazy to read cuz it was like i was talking to my younger self! i went thru the EXACT same situation with my old sp. i manifested him back after he broke up with me (and before he broke up with me he'd forget to text me back all the time bc of his adhd) and it would trigger me so bad and i'd start doing the most outrageous things. and then when i was manifesting him back, i'd also constantly go from "fuck him im better than him" to "i want him so bad i need him" to "he's just gonna ignore me again i hate him" and then "no he's the love of my life" to "if he texts me im not even gonna respond bc he doesn't deserve me." and i was in a cycle of that for MONTHS. but like you said, i knew that if he had never rejected me in the first place (and therefore triggered me) i wouldn't have felt like that and i'd still want him and see him only in a positive light.

i think that what really helped me was just going straight to the end, like you said. whenever i'd start overthinking about whether or not i actually wanted him, i'd take some deep breaths and just go to my imagination and experience a reality where my sp never ignored me and he treated me how i wanted to be treated. i also reminded myself of how long i had wanted to be with him, and that when all was said and done, even if i had made up my mind that day that i didn't want to be with him anymore, the next day i would be upset about not being with him again. i wouldn't have been stuck in the cycle for so long if i didn't actually want to be with him. i was just feeling hurt and lashing out.

i also found comfort in knowing that i could create a new version of my sp where he was attentive and gave me the amount of attention i needed and wanted. i didn't want to manifest his adhd away or anything, but i wanted to create a version of him that was able to remember to reply to me lol. i knew that as long as i imagined my sp to be the version that i wanted, he wouldn't show up in my 3d as the old version anymore. the only way he could ignore me or ghost me again was if i imagined that he would. if i focused on the version of him that didn't, however, he never would! so whenever i felt worried or anxious that he'd do that again, i'd retreat to my imagination and experience the version of him that i wanted.

another thing that really helped me was to forgive him. i was always angry at him and imagining getting into arguments with him about our break up and imagining what i'd say to him when i manifested contact. but the thing about that was i was manifesting "the end", and the end was us already being in a relationship together. so if we were already in a relationship together, we would have already talked through our past issues and i already would've forgiven him. so i couldn't manifest us being happy together and forgiving him if i was constantly imagining scenarios where i hadn't already forgiven him. if that makes sense?

these thoughts still naturally popped up all the time. "what if he doesn't change" "what if he does it again" etc. and then when we were back in contact again, "what if i say something wrong and he stops replying" etc. but i just kept persisting, and every time my minded wanted to go back to scenarios like that, i'd shift back to my desired state and tell myself that we were already together and there was no reason to worry about stuff like that anymore.

anyway i hope this helped!! if u have more questions feel free to ask <3

[bonesandthebees]

Idrk how to start this so I'm gonna get staright to the point lol

I really like the way you write Niki in your fics. In alot of fics I see Niki feels very one dimensional. Which can be fine if she is not a very big part of the story, but I've seen this happen with fics were she is in the main characters. I get that newer writers can have trouble with ceratin characters but it really frustrates me when I know the author COULD add more dimension to Niki but doesn't care enough about her as a character to do it.

I really like the way you write Niki because in all of your fics that I've seen she actually feels like a character with her own personality and goals instead of her just being there.

Idk it just really frustrates me when Niki is written as just "sweet girl who bakes" and given no other personality traits beacause Niki is so complex and so so much more than that

aaaa this means so much to hear you have no idea

I love c!niki as a character. while c!crime are always going to be my favorites from dsmp, I always had such a soft spot for c!niki. the entire reason I broke down and finally made an mcyt blog in the first place was actually bc I wanted to make a post about c!jack and c!niki. she's such a complicated character with so many facets to her so whenever I write her I always try to make her feel like a proper reflection of that

there's always been a problem with the way fandom treats female characters. no matter the fandom, no matter the year, there almost always tends to be a trend in fanworks that flatten out the female characters in comparison to male characters. dsmp is no exception, and is only made worse by how few female characters there are to work with in the first place.

while of course this isn't true for all fics, in a large swath of fics c!puffy gets reduced to either a therapist and/or mother figure, and c!niki is either Generic Nice Girl or a #girlboss with no in between. then a lot of fics tend to forget c!hannah and c!tina exist entirely but that's for another day

c!niki is kind, yes. but she also doesn't deal with emotional issues well. she stands up for what she thinks is right and will stubbornly hold onto incorrect beliefs even when she knows she's in the wrong because it's easier than admitting to herself that she did something terrible. she struggles with finding healthy places to direct her anger. she loves her friends fiercely and will hold deep loyalty to them until she's been betrayed completely, and then she'll return that betrayal in full force.

I'm so glad these kinds of things come through in my fics. I know niki is still a side character in my fics, but I try to make her as fleshed out as I can even with those limitations. one of the reasons I'm really excited for my next project after glass is that niki is going to have a bigger role in it than she's had in any of my fics so far, so I'm really excited that I'll be able to put so much focus on her.

I guess my hope was always that since I have a large audience in this fandom, seeing these more nuanced portrayals of niki would sway the common perception of her and would lead to others putting more effort into writing her. I don't think that happened, but I'm going to keep writing her as best I can bc she's such a fun character to dig into

[cluelylikesporn]

okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

[phebess]

Hello, loyal reader of your work here, I've been quiet for too long probably, considering how I eat up your carlando fics, too many thoughts and I'm shy, oops.

You sometimes invite to vent, so here I am, because of the last two chapters mostly. My brain of an artist just couldn't shut up at Carlos. If you like his art and you know he struggles financially, just commission him, commission him, commiss- argh. Commission him like Michelangelo was commissioned to do Sistine Chapel or whatever. And then there's story of my friend, that I can't stop thinking of while reading this, who dated a sex worker, and despite of not that high income as the certain character here, was ready to provide for their partner, so they wouldn't have to sell their body (said partner did not want to give it up though, so they broke up). Like!!! Commission him for stupid high price and you have a good excuse to make his life easier and maybe being able to drop sex work for survival thing! Like I get it, after the whole 'I pay you for the OF stuff' part, paying might feel icky, Lando's pride could make him refuse (he did not have this problem selling his ass to the other guy in ch 1 though and here it's about his supposedly dream work...), but- you already wanted to buy finished painting, so... goddamit, I'm getting too invested and solution oriented, adhd things ig, sorry for yelling 😅

And then there's the racing part, that I'm probably thinking too much about as well. That is for the past chapters, you made Carlos be Ferrari driver anyway, but if it's fanfiction, why not let imagination wander a bit more? Before his team affilation was mentioned and only that he's reigning wdc, I hoped that maybe in this fantasy reality he remained with RB (Merc taking Max in 2015 or 2017, so he was never in RB, CS eventually becoming their main guy after beating DR when it mattered or whatever - there's also this rally driver!Carlos thing that I can't stop thinking about, but that's waaay off topic). Not that it matters, it's just that I can't imagine Ferrari doing things right even in fanfiction, lol. I'm trying not to get too much into how you imagined Carlos getting that concussion with all the HANS, roll hops and halos, because I guess it's my problem being overly attached to details in story that is basically porn with plot and feelings, so bit of drama is a must have, especially considering how amazing your writing for that part is. I hope you don't think I'm taking away anything from where you're going with the story, just some of my own thoughts and your works give me a lot of those, in a positive way.

Okay, I think I vented all I wanted? There are some older fics of yours that I probably should have written similiar wall of text about, but that's it for now 😅

Hi anon! First, thanks for writing out your thoughts - second, happy to touch on some of these:

I totally understand the want for Carlos to commission Lando's work, and I think Carlos actually shares your exact frustration - he has the means to provide for Lando, it would be so easy. But like you said, it's a transaction-based power dynamic that neither of them want in their romantic relationship. He offered by buying the painting, in a way, and Lando's hesitance told him all he needed to know about whether he wanted his financial help.

In regards to Carlos' team, I actually never said he was a Ferrari driver! I didn't name his team at all in this fic – I didn't think it was important to the story, and allows the fic to be kind of timeless in a way.

For the concussion, there are loads of ways to get concussed, from whiplash to flying debris - the Halo's just make it more likely to be just a concussion and not d*ath. As you said, though, i'ts fiction and we love a bit of drama ;)

I try and make things as realistic as possible in my fics, bc glaring plot holes drive me up the wall - so I feel ya. I should have the next chapter posted soon, I hope you're enjoying it!

[ghostiebeech]

Mushy May Day 3 (Cowbell centered fics): Pre-show Ritual

Hello hello.  Already day 3 damn. I think Cowbell needs more love so I am going to try to do Mushy May centered on my beloved creature Cowbell Ghoul.  I am also running out of Cowbell pics for this.  They should bring the bitch back for this tour.

Rating: Everyone - a little cursing bc Dew.

Pairings: Could be read as Cowbell/Dew, but more pack love.

Word Count: ~764

Summary: Cowbell has magic fingers. (I project through Cowbell my love of braiding people’s hair)

I did not proof read this one damn bit so if you see something weird, no you didn’t.  Enjoy!

Special thanks again to one of my favorite blogs @forlorn-crows​ for compiling the list of prompts.   

Pre/Post Show Ritual

Since the days of Papa Primo, the band ghouls have all had their different pre and post show rituals.  From Omega leading a group chant before the shows to Mist sitting alone for an hour before and after to center themselves.  Ghouls and rituals came and went, but one ritual by a certain gremlin stayed the same throughout the years.

It was known among everybody who knew them that if you had even a little length of hair on your head, Cowbell was braiding it.  Nobody knew exactly the ghoul’s obsession with braiding hair, some thought it soothed the otherwise energetic ghoul, others claimed they did it to be closer to their pack.  Needless to say, Dewdrop was often a willing participant in Cowbell’s braiding.

The second Dewdrop was summoned, long hair flowing down to their waist, a sudden screech of glee rang throughout the summoning room.  Dewdrop, disoriented from the summoning, thought nothing of it, but the other ghouls who had been around Cowbell long enough shared knowing looks.

It took a few days filled with Cowbell staring longingly at Dewdrop’s pretty hair for them to get their claws on it.  

“Why are they always staring at me, Aether?”

Aether looked up from the book he was engrossed in to see who the new water ghoul was talking about.

“Cowbell?”

Dewdrop made a little noise of acknowledgement, staring back at the other ghoul.  

“Cowbell wants your hair.”

Dewdrop almost broke his neck to look at Aether who was laughing.  The water ghoul possessively started pawing at his own hair.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“He wants to braid it, Dew.  He does it to anybody with hair long enough.”

Just then Zephyr walked by sporting a rather neat waterfall braid down both sides of their head.  

Dewdrop was stunned, but still apprehensive at the thought of somebody touching his hair.  

Aether, noticing Dewdrop’s nervousness, responded, “They won’t touch it without your consent, but I think you would look very pretty with a braid in your hair.”

With that, the bigger ghoul gave Dewdrop a quick kiss to the crown of his head and went back to reading.  

After a few minutes of contemplation, Dewdrop slowly walked over to Cowbell, still nervous.  The pair hadn’t had much time to interact yet. 

“Hi, Cowbell.”

Chirp

“Um… I noticed- well Aeth told me you braid hair?”

Happy chirp

“Would you want to braid my hair?”

Extremely pleased trill, roughly translating to “Say less”

After the first time, the braiding sessions became more and more frequent.

The activity formally became a ritual ironically at Dewdrop and Cowbell’s first ritual.  Dewdrop was having trouble keeping all of his hair in his balaclava, getting more frustrated with every try.  Before the tiny ghoul could rip the garment in half, gentle hands started working their way through the tresses.

Dewdrop let out a pleased sigh when he realized what was happening.

“Thank you.”

With skilled hands, Cowbell had the long hair in two dutch braids pinned around Dewdrop’s head in a sort of halo.  

Before every ritual, the pair could be seen backstage speaking together, or in Cowbell’s case making tiny noises that Dewdrop swore he could translate, and braiding.  

After Dewdrops transition from water to fire many things changed.  Papa changed, pack changed, outfits… 

With the new tour and lineup, it was decided that Cowbell would be better suited helping with backstage stuff, retiring from their short lived band ghoul days. The first show of the new tour with a new Papa and new ghouls was an hour away, and the newly formed fire ghoul was running around in a panic.  The rest of the new pack looked upon Dew with a mix of worry and fear.  The little ghoul looked scared and frustrated, worrying at their hair over and over again.  

“Where are they…”

Cirrus was the first to speak up, “Who are you looking for? Papa?”

“Cowbell! I need them.”  

Cirrus looked to the other ghouls in confusion.  

Aether whispered to the ghoulette, “They have a sort of… pre show ritual.  It’s pretty cute.”

Dew continued looking around restlessly, gasping when they spotted Cowbell.

Cowbell was running at Dewdrop with a hairbrush and little baggie of elastics. 

“Where the fuck have you been?! I can’t play without you.”

Cowbell gave Dewdrop a look.

“I’m serious.  I can’t do this without you.”

Cowbell gave Dewdrop a head bonk.  Dewdrop happily returned the sign of affection, grabbing Cowbell’s hand and planted a sweet kiss on the palm.

“Now let’s get this ritual started, love.” 

[seeyoumondaydevi]

Could you elaborate on why you didn't enjoy season 3 as much as the previous seasons?

Sure :) Few things I wanna say before I get into it. 1) I'm not an articulate person at all. I suck at wording my thoughts well. 2) I'm not saying I didn't enjoy season 3, I'm just saying Season 1 was the show's best in my opinion. 3) No I'm not saying I didn't enjoy season 3 bc of daxton.. if it was all about daxton I wouldn't be saying season 1 was the show's best season 4) I'll be using certain lines from other metas bc they've worded it really well and I'll link it to the original post as well.

I liked season 3 for personal growth. Nalini and Devi's relationship season was amazing this season, especially in episode 9, "How dare you come into my house and talk about my daughter this way" . I really enjoyed Trent and Eleanor as well and Paxton's character... I was so scared going into season 3 that they'd ruin his character for the love triangle drama but they didn't and he thrived outside the love triangle this season.

Now.. onto the things I didn't enjoy/like. Too many new characters who were used as plot devices to move the plot forward. There were so many new characters this season and they all were thrown in for an episode or two and they just disappeared after a couple of episodes. The Lady Whistle boy, anonymous texter / Haley just disappeared after daxton broke up. I didn't like how the anonymous texter was a random new character we've never seen before. There were so many new plots every single episode which didn't excite me. It felt like it was all over the place. Story lines were being raised and then just dropped. It kinda reminded me of disney shows haha (no hate). They kept adding love interests (Margot and Des) to trouble the already existing love triangle which they spent two whole seasons working on only to constantly rival the established relationships (Benvi and Daxton) instead of letting them develop. Fabiola and Aneesa were cute, Aneesa's character had so much potential but they just threw her out. Fabiola went with a randomly added new love interest (Addison) who was in two scenes.. two scenes only. One of the reasons trent and Eleanor are so fun to watch imo is that they're characters who've been there since the beginning. I know realistically people will date people outside of their friend group but this is a show... I wanted to see the characters I already knew. 

Kamala, she didn’t want to get married in s2 because she wanted to focus on her career etc. She also left Prashanth because she felt like he wouldn’t be supportive of her career but her whole plot in s3 revolved around her boyfriend. Like I get it, this season she stood up against Nirmala and moved out etc but idk it just felt incomplete(?). 

Two episodes frustrated me a lot this season. 3x05 and 3x10. 3x05 : Instead of this random thing in school where Devi had to ‘kiss some boy to activate her romantic vibes’ or some shit. Instead of that they could have just focused on Devi working on herself that episode. Paxton made a very valid point about Devi not loving herself. We could have had a scene with her therapist talking about why she thinks she doesn’t “deserve” to be in a relationship with someone.

3x10: The finale.. Devi gets an offer to go to some school in Colorado.. was this ever mentioned in the previous seasons? The build up just wasn’t there. If they had at least mentioned in in the start of the season that would have been fine. The Colorado school was again another plot device to give us some emotional scenes between Nalini and Devi. I did love the scene but the number of plot devices just frustrated me a lot. Instead of giving actual issues like they did in season 1 they only used plot devices this season. I just felt like they had a lot of lazy - poor writing. 

I’ve not completely covered why I didn’t like this season as much as the previous ones and I don’t think I’ve worded it well so yeah.. Thanks for the ask :)

[ngc-5194]

HIIHIHI omg im glad u liked it !!!! im gonna ramble abt my thoughts more now . yeah basically i just thought of how everyones gone through an entire YEAR of bonding together while she was sleeping and it made me feel a bit insane.! so really most of roxas’ reference points for her would be xion and nami. And speaking of namine, my idea is that eventually the seasalt trio settled into the old mansion and nami joined them, bc shed rather be with the people shes closest to over ppl in radient garden shes had a troubled history with. not to mention her (closest equivalent to a) somebody in a familiar voluntary year long coma for memory reasons. … also . I was just thinking abt how roxas and kairi are actually kinda similar, not only in that they write but also in that they forgot their best friend, and my secret third thing that I wanted to touch on. which is that both had their lives more or less saved by sora, and i think that they would actually both be a little angry that they arent the ones saving sora in return. whispering (i think theyd both share some frustration towards riku.)

kairis issues remind roxas a lot of his and his friends issues so I think he really wants to help her .and i think kairi carries a lot of guilt about sora .while roxas knows he has to move past that to appreciate what soras given him even if hes terrified he’ll never come back

i think post riku leaving for sora is such an interesting time . i think the hope that sora could finally come home is overshadowed by the possibility of losing another friend …. a very weird time of relief and anticipation .im thinking about it

words can not express the full extent of the emotions i felt upon readin gthat snippet or this ask <3333

kairi is,,,,,, i need to dissect her and i know thats kind of what they did to her heart when she was asleep but that's just more reason why i need to do it too. she missed out on a year of people adjusting to having bodies and building friendships and bonding. by choice.she chose to do it. to look for clues on how to bring her friend back yes but still,,,,,, and not only would roxas' only points of reference for kairi be naminé and xion from that year kairi missed but also before too!! they had one (1) conversation and while admittedly roxas only kind of had maybe 2-3 with naminé they were... a little more relevant to him i guess. but also roxas views kairi through the lense of mostly xion and then naminé. most people look at it the other way around. and that concept drives me Insane <33

nami and the sea salt trio living in the old mansion,,,,,,,,,, wjat if i broke down crying for ever and ever <33though maybe they. change a few parts of the basement first because. hooooo. ,,,,, wonder if naminé's drawings are still in that room there,,,,,

the roxas kairi similarities,,,,,,,,,,, and once again they're both still here doing. nothing. while riku goes off to save sora. again. how many times is that now. they can do it, they can help they can save sora too. but they almost aren't allowed to. again. because riku's going instead. again again again.

and even then it's not like they dislike riku!!!!! him leaving to go after sora is. Many emotions because on one hand it's a chance of sora coming back! on the other they can't help with it. and on another there's the possibility that they've now lost two of their friends. and roxas has done that before and it sucked and.

hmnggmgnghhhhhhh they make me incredibly mentally ill thank u for inflicting more of them upon me if you need me i'll be curled into a teeny tiny ball staring into nothing rotating the very concept of them interacting in my head at incredibly high speeds

[angelicmark]

cw: um unintentional trauma dumping? idk i can't tell bc the stuff im talking ab is relevant to my ask but i feel like an attention wh*re for talking ab it at the same time im so sorry rip 😭 u dont have to post if this is too long but i just wanted to express how ur writing made me feel!

pls pls pls never take down tooth and nail... i fr loved every single word. every single word hurt me more and more (in the best way).

i was in a relationship exactly the same as the one you wrote and my mental health also plummeted due to unrelated reasons but the fact that my relationship wasn't working out started to take a toll on my mental health too. 2 yrs later is when i decided to stop listening to empty promises and insincere apologies, sometimes i wish i wasn't the bigger person and i sometimes wish i cussed them out lmao i honestly just wish they could feel the pain they caused me over the years but instead i decided to end things on neutral ground.

i related to this so much, what really fuckin got me was the frustration,, esp trying to figure out what to do. even if i don't regret leaving that person behind i can't seem to shake off how it effected me as a person, and left a bitter taste in my mouth whenever i think of love esp since i used to be a fairytale daydreams hopeless romantic type. it hit me so fuckin hard the way you described every single interaction made me wonder if you were writing this from personal experience. no need to share if you're uncomfy. if you did, then i'm so sorry you went through that, i rlly empathize with you & im so proud of where you are today; if you did not, then i greatly commend you and your ability to depict and evoke so much emotion into a bunch of text.<3

pls don't ever delete tooth and nail as i will be coming back to read whenever im in an angsty mood and feel like making myself cry,, bc stuff describing these exact events hurt me the most and sometimes you need a good cry yk? strangely they bring me a lot of comfort though, bc i feel seen. this did just that for me n so much more,, the feelings your writing expressed- truly beautiful, srsly well done. thank you for providing me w a lil safe bubble to sob simply bc i feel like it as well as the comfort and validation i feel after reading this.💛

oh wow, thank you for this message. it means a lot that you would open up to someone like me. most of my fics are based on my own events, so yes, tooth and nail is apart of my life as well. i struggled a very long time with communication with the person i wrote about. we broke up and then got back together. we needed concrete boundaries and we never had that until now. i understand just how you feel and where the frustration and hurt and pain truly comes from. i will keep it up forever just for you. thank you for reading it and telling me such personal details. thank you for the trust 🤍

[flower-blooming-in-hell]

back on here entirely so i can scream into a void where i feel like nobody can hear bc nobody looks at these that i know personally

i rlly think. that its like ... absolute bullshit that like. i feel like every single person i have ever dated (bar exactly one) has come at me with bad faith assumptions

like. im SO aware that this breakup was nobody's fault and also both of our faults, but it's just. SO insanely frustrating to be seen as the bad person 24/7. like, yes, i did things wrong in this relationship. but i was NOT the only person who made mistakes and it's just like.... somewhat infuriating to not feel heard out

like ... i'm not going to say anything here that could link back identity-wise to who i dated, because the person doesn't deserve that and i sincerely hope the best for said person moving forward.

HOWEVER. venting time! bc i have zero friends i can vent to in private so my nonexistent followers on tumblr get to hear abt it

i think the biggest reason the breakup exactly happened is just straight up miscommunication and mental health conflicts. like ... our first argument was because there was a communication conflict, where i was blind-sided by them bringing up directly that they had an issue with how i was behaving, and due to how my apology was worded, they reacted in bad faith. we both ended up apologizing, and agreed that i needed to be more forthcoming with inviting him to do things with me, and he had to communicate clearer.

i did my best to uphold my part of the agreement we made after our talk, and when i tried three different times to spend actual quality time with him, very directly asking if he still wanted to do it and doing my best to be understanding when he kept brushing me off, even though i was incredibly upset about it. he promised me that he'd do it with me, and then never brought it up again, not even to apologize for not being able to follow through. which made me get a bit resentful, probably also due to my own ptsd making me particularly sensitive about the entire thing. so i decided to drop it until he brought it up first, which i'm fully aware is petty and i should've just SAID something, but tbh i just. that singular moment kinda broke my trust in him to a point. the most frustrating thing to me is that it is not his fault in any way, he'd been going through a HELL of a difficult time, which made me feel like my own issues severely paled in comparison and made me want to just ... wait out my own emotions until i felt better.

in combination with his in-built way of communicating not being one i understand whatsoever, as he is very subtle and passive in communication - which i don't pick up, as i mentioned during the initial argument we had, as i need DIRECT comments instead of like... testing the waters type talking. it's why i don't understand flirting whatsoever in a majority of cases, it's WAY too subtle for me to understand. which again, isn't his fault, but he literally said that he'd try to communicate clearer after the argument. and then didn't. which is again, another thing where i'm like. i understand, it can be really difficult when you aren't used to doing it, but it's just ... frustrating. and i feel like i sound really defensive because like. i am also VERY used to people just straight up manipulating me or talking circles around me in that annoying as hell subtle passive way and then claiming i'm the one in the wrong when everything would be solved if they just. actually told me directly that they need something from me. instead of constantly HINTING at wanting or hoping they get something.

so as a result, he ends up feeling like he's communicating and not getting any response from me, and i end up feeling like he isn't communicating whatsoever and get blind-sided when he gets upset enough to be blunt.

tbh i'm also still like ... ???????????? about how the entire break-up happened, because it's like ... ????

i posted on the current social media that i am active on that i was having a psychotic episode (which i may or may not still be having, who knows. it sure does do a fantastic job of ruining my relationships everytime i have one) and was like. generally using a light-hearted "haha wow this sucks lol can't wait for business as usual to happen once i feel better"

and then slept all day bc my hives got dramatically worse as of recently (probably due to stress + the like) bc my hives being super bad (which. yaaaaaaaaaaaay more prednisone to fix me .... and a change in antihistamines) so i just . get sleepy. because that's what happens when i'm sick. i sleep

and apparently he jumped to conclusions??? and got worried that i was dead because i hadn't been online after making a post about having a psychotic episode???????? which i'm like. fair, considering his issues, but also *where on earth did that assumption come from?*

like.... a) my psychosis isn't the violent type, and i'm very careful to keep myself away from sharp objects if i get even the INKLING of self-harm thoughts, and have never self-harmed or harmed anyone else or anything more severe EVER in the first place

and b) ??????????????????? why are you immediately assuming that my psychosis is the violent kind????????????? like ... ??????

like yes, i know he's like. dealing with his own issues in his personal life and mental health but also . //////?????????...........?????????????????????????????? where on earth did that come from .....

tbh i'm also think i'm just like. upset about how combative he was for the breakup also :) like literally saying that "even my *therapist* said we should break up" as if my own therapist literally didn't allude to the exact same thing ... though ig he's never gonna know about that considering yknow. blocking me directly after breaking up with me (which yknow what. fair. i've done the same thing. still annoying tho)

and to a point during all of this i'm like ............ i am VERY aware that i should be feeling like. worse for him during all of this. but like my empathy is so low rn that i just. physically cannot. i was already doing my best with like . not getting upset at him in the first place bc i didn't want to add to the stress he was going through. and isolating myself so that i didn't snap at anyone bc i'm still being INCREDIBLY irritable (if you cant tell lol)

idk i guess i'm just like. neither of us were in the right in this relationship, and perhaps i am simply having ptsd in the sense of "why the fuck am i being villainized when i wasn't the only one in the wrong here". or perhaps i'm simply insane and trying to make myself excuses like how he claimed me explaining myself during the argument was an excuse. who knows

[1d1195]

Ding part 2.... SAMANTHA I AM IN SHAMBLES!!!!!!!😭 i don't know where to start!!!!

Knowing a bit on how Harry got into boxing broke my heart! Imagining little Harry feeling so misunderstood by his peers was so 💔and that mention of him not having a father figure 💔

But of course I LOVED how you described how he felt when first meeting/seeing cupcake! You know I love when your Harry's are just so far gone for the MC! Thought it was so cute that little interaction with him and Louis in the ring like 😭

But their little moment in the bakery😭 Him being so sleepy yet still wanting the comfort of her presence is just so adorable! Realistically yeah he's a stranger but who cares I think this is just so cute! and the cupcakes! She's so sweet( like all of your MCs) of course she would bake him cupcakes! and that call back to the first part was so perfect!

Was i a bit gagged that 2 MOTHS had passed? YEAH but im not mad about it lol Now my heart froze for a bit when she had a date! Now i knew this was like a distraction bc my girl is so gone for him too so I was not worried lol

Now the aftermath of the date... my heart BROKE for her! It genuinely made me feel so sad bc men are the absolute worse :( The way you depicted her showering and her feelings felt so real to me and hit close to home :( But i did not feel uncomfortable reading it so im okay! I just felt so much for Cupcake like I wanted to just hug her and comfort her so bad! And her blaming herself :( Those feelings are so hard to avoid and ugh I wish that anyone who has ever experienced this that it is not their fault at all! No matter how much our brain tries to convince us!

But the change to her interacting with harry after months was just so sweet! I was for sure smiling like an idiot from just how well their banter is! It didn't feel like so much time had passed between them at all and I love that for them!

NOW THAT CLIFHANGER BESTIE!!! I SCREAMED INTO MY PILLOW! I AM ITCHING TO FIND OUT HIS REACTION!! will she tell him the truth? SO MANY QUESTIONS! I ATE this up! I felt so immersed in their world while reading this! You did such an AMAZING job, but you always do that! I loved reading this! And the new layout is cute and so are your little notes at the beginning!

sorry for the late reply! This week has been so busy! But I hope you are enjoying your break so far!!!! Love you lots!-💜

AHAHAHAHA FULL NAME

I plan on adding on a little more about how Harry is a bit grumpy and frustrated. Always underestimated kind of thing. I don't usually describe Harry all that much because he's pretty much already described--or everyone just knows who I'm talking about. But I think he's mainly face claim, right? I feel like that's what most people do nowadays anyway.

I love to add a bit of 1D back into the mix when I can. I also LOVE to have him be so far gone for the MC. I do love my callbacks. I'm glad you feel that way about him being a stranger, I was getting kind of nervous he was being creepy--another reason I cooled Harry's heels and put a span of 2 months between them. I know that was a lot 😂

MEN ARE THE WORST. I'm so sorry it felt close to home; I'm glad you were able to read it without feeling uncomfortable. I don't want you to go into detail if you don't want to but I'm sorry you related to that. Nothing about that kind of situation is okay. I'm really sorry :( I always get so nervous when posting delicate storylines like that. I want the plot to move but not at the cost of making people uncomfortable. I think you'll REALLY like the next part in regards to blaming herself. I completely agree with your feelings. It's hard to ignore the way we feel and experience situations and it's easy for our brains to trick us.

Even though I put two months between them, I'm--as always--trying to sell that they just click; time and social norms be damned hehehehe I'm glad you liked their banter 💕

I know i said it just a second ago, but I really think you'll like the next part 😉 i think it will cover a lot of the questions you have.

AS ALWAYS please don't apologize. I'm sorry your week is already off to a tough start that on Tuesday it's already been so busy. I HATE weeks like that. I'm enjoying my break and love you lots too! 💕

xoxo