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totheblood · 1 year

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cool about it.

pairing: modern!ellie x reader

summary: ellie is your girlfriend, best friend, friend.... it's complicated... based on the song cool about it by boygenius

warnings: 18+: angst, cursing, drinking, ellie is lowkey a d*ck...

word count: 3.1k

a/n: i had plans to write this but you can thank jay (@elliewill) for begging me to write it because she loves angst... so this one is for her. also only two ai audios.. idk the angst ai audios made me sick i apologize

"i can walk you home and practice method acting."

There was an overwhelming silence in the room.

Your hand was wrapped in Ellie’s, her fingers brushing over the smooth skin covering your joints. You couldn’t see her in the dark room, but you knew she was smiling. You could smell the lavender and musk rolling off her in waves, almost rendering you useless as you leaned into her. She was intoxicating in every way a person could be. But as the lights came on and the credits began to roll, Ellie pulled her hand from yours, wiping at her jeans as she turned to the group.

“That movie was shit.” A laugh escaped her lips as she stood up, not looking at you. Sometimes when Ellie was feeling ashamed about snubbing you in public, she had a hard time making eye contact with you after. You liked to believe it was the guilt, but you weren’t so sure of that.

“I thought it was nice.” You smiled up at her, collecting your bag from the floor and throwing it over your shoulder. Ellie’s eyes flicked down to you, then rolled back into her head.

“You think every movie is nice,” she teased, picking up her jacket that was thrown over the back of her seat. “It’s why you give every move 5 stars on Letterboxd.”

“That’s true.” Dina chimed in as the group began making their way out of the theater. “But I liked it, so I’m gonna have to agree with her on this one. Sorry, Ellie.”

“I don’t know,” Cindy spoke up, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the bright lights from outside. “How many Scream movies are they gonna make?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Ellie practically screamed as she held the door for you. You wanted to think that the gesture meant more, but sadly she was just being polite. You were trying your best not to overanalyze everything Ellie did in relation to you but found it hard when her hand reached for yours in every dark room. Your thoughts were cut off by the sound of Ellie calling your name.

“What?” You looked at Ellie, a confused look plastered on your face.

“I asked if you wanted a ride to your apartment. Dina and Cindy are going back to the dorms.” She said matter of factly, slipping on her jacket.

“Oh, yeah. That would be great.” You turned to say bye to Dina and Cindy before following Ellie to her car. You knew her car too well. The pickup truck she’d drive you to 7-11 in nearly every night was on its last leg and needed a repair almost every month, but Ellie swore by it. She always made some comment about how loyal she was for not abandoning her car, but you always joked back that she couldn’t afford a new one. She’d roll her eyes and grab the Slurpee cup from your hands, taking a sip as payback.

It was tender moments like that one that kept you coming back, despite Ellie’s refusal to commit. It was an unspoken understanding between the both of you, but you knew that if you talked about it that Ellie would validate your fears. So you just didn’t talk about it.

You let her lean over the seat and kiss you when you got in the car, but not before looking out the window to make sure Dina and Cindy had pulled off. Her mouth tasted like cherry and vanilla, and her hands pressed at the side of your cheeks. You had to romanticize moments like this, the secret kisses and stolen glances. Otherwise, it would just be pathetic.

You were unsure if you were in love with Ellie, but you wanted to spend all of your free time in her back pocket. You wanted a necklace engraved with her name hanging around your neck as if she owned you. You wanted to bring her home to meet your parents, her hands shaking as they hugged her. Maybe it was love, or maybe it was you hanging onto the brief moments that her tongue was tucked into your cheek.

“If you’re gonna hold my hand throughout the movie, maybe you should just take me out on a date,” you laughed, watching her face fall. Mentally, you were cursing yourself, but your gentle smile remained.

“That’s not what this is.”

“I know, it’s just-”

“The movie was scary, I thought you’d want me to hold your hand through it.” Ellie cut you off, her tone sharp. She began buckling her seatbelt, wanting to escape the conversation as soon as possible. “If I knew you’d make a big deal about it I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Yea, no. You’re right, Ellie.” You gave in like you usually did when it came to Ellie. If something you said came too close to referring to you and Ellie as an ‘actual relationship’, she would shut down completely. You don’t know why her body tensed up, or why she avoided eye contact, but you didn’t want to push it. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I just-” Ellie sighed as she put the car in drive, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the main road. One hand was planted on the steering wheel while the other rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “I don’t want this to be too complicated. I like what we have. It’s easy.”

“Yea, I know.” Your voice sounded as small as you felt. As easy as this was for Ellie, it was torture for you. Not only could you not tell her how you truly felt, but you also felt like you couldn’t tell any of your friends about it. Another frustrated sigh fell from Ellie’s lips, you could tell she was trying.

“Look, Jesse is throwing a party tomorrow night.” She glanced over at you in the passenger seat, her expression unreadable. “How about you come with me?”

You knew she wasn’t asking you out on a date. You knew that and yet your heart still leaped in your chest at her request. You knew it wasn’t a date and you still agreed to go.

You felt pathetic trying on every outfit in your closet, trying to make sure whatever you wore would accentuate your best features. You settled on a simple tank top and jeans, throwing a flannel over it in case it got cold. Despite knowing how the night was most likely going to go, you still wanted to look your best for Ellie. It was the first time she’s ever asked you to go anywhere public and in the back of your mind you imagined this night changing the dynamic of your relationship completely.

Ellie picked you up early, her car making some weird sputtering noise as she pulled up. She looked you up and down when you climbed into the car, her stare making your cheeks heat up.

“You look nice,” Ellie mentioned, hand on the steering wheel. She waited until you were buckled in to press a kiss to your lips, smiling before she pulled off. The conversation in the car was nothing substantial, just small talk about classes and friends, and how much work the both of you had to do.

Outside of the frat house people were scattered on the lawn. A couple sat on the front porch making out while the music inside made the wood shake. There were a lot more people here than you anticipated, and you could tell Ellie was getting nervous. Usually, when she was nervous she’d reach for your hand, but tonight she trailed behind you.

Jesse, Dina, Cindy, and some of Jesse’s frat friends were huddled in the kitchen when you arrived. Jesse greeted you with a drunken smile and the slurring of your name, pulling you in for a hug.

“Nice to see you brought your girlfriend, El.” He joked, bringing Ellie into a half hug and attempting to give her a fist bump. Ellie’s mouth hung open as her eyes darted around the group, avoiding eye contact with you. Then she let out a laugh, a loud full-chested laugh as she held her stomach.

“She- she’s not my girlfriend.” She managed between laughs. The way she said it as if it was a joke that she could ever date you made your heart drop. She still hadn’t even glanced at you. If she had she would’ve seen the way your smile faded and eyes dropped to the floor.

“I know that,” Jesse laughed, lifting his red cup to his lips and taking another swig of his drink, “It’s just you guys always hang out… it’s a joke.”

“Damn right, it’s a joke.” Ellie chuckled with the rest of the group. You were struggling to find the humor in this so you just gave the group a tight-lipped smile and excused yourself. You pushed past the sweaty bodies to make your way into the living room where some guy was dipping red cups into a giant container filled with red liquid. He didn’t even look at you as he handed you a cup but you still thanked him.

You took the drink with you outside, sitting on the steps of the porch and drinking the vile liquid. You coughed on your first sip but as you downed it and the buzz filled your body it became more tolerable. About 30 minutes had passed with you sitting in there, occasionally saying hi to people you knew from class that were going in and out of the house.

You didn’t even notice when Ellie came out and stood in front of you. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Where have you been all night?” Ellie’s voice came out meaner than expected, but she was starting to believe you had left her. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Couldn’t have looked that hard,” a bitter laugh fell from your lips, your eyes glued to your phone, not wanting to look up at her. “I was sat here all night.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Ellie’s hand shook your knee gently, urging that she wanted you to look up at her. When you did, you stared her down, a tightness behind your eyes.

“It’s nothi-”

“It’s someth-”

“It’s you!” Your voice came out in a whisper-yell, causing Ellie to look around at the other people outside. No one was paying attention to you. “Earlier when you laughed when Jesse called me your girlfriend. That’s my problem, Ellie.”

“Oh my god,” Ellie groaned, her hands rubbing at her face. “You’re serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You stood in front of her, the steps making you taller than her.

“Cause that’s fucking ridiculous, I’m sorry.” Ellie turned around and began walking down the road towards her car, you hot on her trail.

“That’s ridiculous?” She stopped halfway down the block, turning to you. You were almost sure she led you out here to make sure no one would see you fighting.

“Yes, it’s fucking ridiculous because you always do this!” Ellie’s voice sounded tired as if she was at her breaking point with you. “You always make something out of nothing. I hate to break it to you but you are not my girlfriend and you never have been.”

“But I’m something.” You fought back tears, the sentence coming out more like a question.

“You’re-” Ellie sighed, looking away from you. “You’re my friend, okay? That’s what it is and if you can’t handle being my friend then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.”

This was as close to a breakup as you would get with Ellie.

“Friend.” The word sounded bitter on your tongue. “Friends don’t kiss each other, Ellie.” Your voice was small again.

“They do.” She stated matter-of-factly, “They do because we do. You have never been more to me than a friend.”

You couldn’t stop the tears in your eyes, you knew this was how she felt but never expected it to come out of her mouth. The 8 months you wasted now hitting you like a ton of bricks. Nodding you let out an ‘okay’ and began making your way down the street.

“Where are you going?” Ellie called after you, following you as you picked up your pace.

“I’m going home, I’m calling an Uber.” You didn’t turn to look at her but could feel her behind you.

“Don’t..” She sighed again. “Don’t do that, I can take you.”

“No, I’d rather not see you again.” Ellie’s footsteps behind you stilled causing you to turn around. The hurt on her face was evident, though no tears fell. She was just staring through you.

“Fine,” was all she said before turning around and heading back to the party.

You didn’t talk to or hear from Ellie for a month after the party. She didn’t call to make sure you made it home safe or text you to tell you she was sorry. There was nothing on her end or your end so you stopped talking. Dina and Cindy barely noticed the shift between the two of you with finals coming up so they never asked.

You were left to mourn what felt like a relationship, but never really was. There was a person who knew everything about you, how you scraped your knee when you were nine, and how much you hate blueberries, who no longer spoke to you. You wondered what she did with that information. If everytime she had a blueberry muffin she thought of you.

Not to your knowledge, Ellie did think about you. She thought about the way your hair smelt and how you used to sing along to throwback songs in the car with her. She thought about how she used to tell you the things she used to be scared to say out loud, and how you would rub at her shoulder to soothe her. She thought about the scrape and the blueberries and the way your eyes glossed over when you cried. She tried not to think about that night at that party and what your eyes looked like.

As summer came around and everyone packed their bags to go back home, you found yourself enjoying the heat from the sun as it prickled at your skin. Summer’s in Jackson were filled with fireworks, sidewalk chalk, and popsicles. Groups of teenagers hung out in the parking lot of the local convenience shop, drinking redbulls and laughing loudly with their friends.

Jackson was small so the fear of running into Ellie only grew as the summer went on. You did your best to avoid the places you knew she went, until you couldn’t. You found yourself inside the brightly lit convenience store right by Ellie’s house, looking through the candy section for gummy bears. It was late and this was the only store open close enough for you to ride your bike to so you took that risk.

As if fate was out to get you, Ellie walked into the store phone in hand and freckles more prominent than they usually were. Her face had a little bit of a red tint to it and her hair was pulled back into a bun. She looked relaxed, but more than that she looked fine. You don’t know why it bothered you, but it did.

Upon seeing you her entire demeanor changed. Her entire body became rigid, mirroring yours as she contemplated on what to do. She looked to the packages overflowing in your hand and laughed. She wanted to make a joke, but didn’t know how you would take it so she remained silent.

“Hey,” she pursed her lips as she approached you. You looked like you had seen a ghost and Ellie wanted to laugh, to kiss at your nose until you smiled but she doubted that would happen.

“Hey,” you responded flatly, not wanting to give her any satisfaction.

“Long time, no see,” she breathed out a short laugh, looking around. Ellie forgot what she came in here for.

“Yeah,” you rolled your eyes and pushed past her, placing your things on the counter. The guy behind the counter began ringing them up, eyes looking in between you and Ellie as she followed you to the register.

“Do you think we can talk?” Her voice was hushed, smooth even, and god you missed it. You glanced at her, worry was written all over her face. You sighed and reluctantly agreed. When you got outside you placed your bag in the basket of your bike and turned towards her.

“I’ll walk you home, but after that I’m leaving, okay?” This was the rudest you have ever been to Ellie and you felt awful. You were just protecting yourself but you didn’t want her to see this as a way to wiggle back into your life.

“Cool, cool.” Ellie responded as she watched you walk with your bike, your hand firmly on the handles. She glanced over at you, heart warming at the sight of your face. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, finals went well.”

“That’s good.”

“Do you regret it?” You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to look at her, to see her reaction when she answered.

“No,” was all she said, making you roll your eyes.

“Why?”

“Cause I wasn’t ready,” she sighed and continued walking, hoping you would follow her. “I would’ve destroyed you.”

“You did.”

“No, I didn’t,” her green eyes looked dark in the illumination of the street lights. “Look at you, you’re here and you’re still you.”

“I’m not still me,” you rolled your eyes, “I’m scared-”

“-I was scared,” her voice over lapped yours, the bite in her tone back. “I was your first… whatever that was… but you weren’t mine.”

“Way to rub it in.”

“No, I mean,” she took a deep breath, “I did the relationship shit before and it didn’t end well. It made me into this. I think if you and me became real… it would’ve not only killed you but also me.”

“I think you should’ve let it happen. Give me that choice.”

“I did what was best for me,” Ellie’s voice was strong, she was sure of herself, “and for you, but you don’t have to believe that.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“That’s okay.”

“Do you miss me?” you whispered.

“All the time,” she smiled to herself, “but I’m doing fine.”

When you got a good look at her you noticed the bags under her eyes, the worry line on her forehead that was growing. She even looked smaller. Nothing about her made it seem like she was doing okay, but it didn’t make sense to press her on the matter. It hurt, but a part of you understood it, understood her. The idea of getting close to someone terrified you, and you couldn’t pretend that you didn’t understand where she was coming from, but it didn’t help that her deep-seated fear was now being passed down to you.

“That’s good,” you gave her a fake smile, “I’m happy to hear it.”

“This is me,” she gestured towards her house before turning back to you and giving you one last smile, “You’ll be okay.”

“I know.”

ai audios:

#mine #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x reader smut #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams tlou2 #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fan fic #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams oneshot #modern!ellie williams #college!ellie williams #ellie williams one shot

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embrosegraves · 8 months

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𝔻𝕠𝕟'𝕥 ℍ𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕄𝕖

(request) Fernando Alonso x Reader Enemies to lovers, forced proximity. “He loves you, y’know? He’s just afraid of admitting it."

Warnings: heavy use of explicit language.

1.9k words

For as long as you could remember, Fernando Alonso has hated you. If you had to be in a room with him, he was as far away as he could get. Oftentimes you would try and talk with him, try to understand why he didn’t like you, only for him to ignore whatever it was you were saying.

Eventually you gave up. Why should you put in all this effort just to be pushed aside and ignored? If he thought he was good at being an asshole, you were going to be better. If he thought he was bad, you were going to be worse. There was a lot of tension between the two of you. Everybody could see it. Nobody wanted to talk about it around you, or even bring it up to you. Nobody except a good friend of yours, Jensen Button. Who just so happened to also be Fernando’s teammate.

“Okay, I literally can’t keep up with this anymore.” He said to you. FP2 had finished a few hours ago and the interviews that occurred afterwards were full of snide comments and poorly veiled insults between you and Fernando. “What the fuck happened between the two of you?”

You scoffed, “When you figure it out let me know.”

Jensen looked at you in disbelief. “You mean you don’t even know?”

“Look, Jense. All I know is that he snubbed me whenever I tried to talk to him. He’s ignored me and made comments about me for my entire career in this goddamn sport. So if he wants to be a dickhead with the only female driver in however many fucking years, I’m gonna give as good as I’m getting.” You stormed off before he had a chance to reply.

Jensen stood there as he watched you get in your car and start driving, presumably to the hotel the drivers were put in. He had to get to the bottom of this. Turning on his heel, Jensen made his way back to the paddock in search of Fernando, who he knew would still be here.

When Jensen found him, Fernando was humming an old Spanish song while he folded the little laundry he had in his driver's room.

“Has your woman gone home?” Fernando asked, seeing Jensen standing there in his peripheral.

“Not my woman. She’s basically my sister.”

“But she has gone to the hotel, yes?”

“Why do you hate her?” Jensen ignored Fernando’s question in favour of asking the one thing he set out to find the answer for.

Fernando frowned and paused what he was doing. Setting down the clothes, but not turning around, he asked Jensen, “What makes you say I hate her?”

“Well, in her own words, you snubbed her everytime she went to speak with you. You’ve ignored her and made comments about her for, and I quote, ‘her entire career in this goddamn sport’.” Jensen walked further inside Fernando’s room, gently closing the door as he went.

“She has been doing the same to me, no?”

“Yeah well, she told me she was only giving as good as she was getting, so.” Jensen shrugged, “She seems pretty set in thinking you hate her. I’m only here to figure out what’s going on between you two.”

It was silent for a few minutes before Fernando spoke up.

“She intimidates me.”

Jensen wasn’t sure if he had heard his teammate correctly.

“I’m sorry? She intimidates you?”

Fernando had turned around to look at him now. “When I heard about a female racer that was bulldozing through the ranks, I started to follow her career. Every interview she gave, every race she drove, I kept track of it all. I was impressed.” He walked over and sat on the small couch. “The more I watched, the more I followed, the more enamoured I became with her. That’s what intimidated me.”

“So she’s not the one intimidating you. Your own feelings are.”

“Yes. I was scared. For so long I was comfortable with not having a partner, not having a family. I was scared to suddenly want these things with a person I have never met in my life.”

“So you thought the best way to deal with that was being a dickhead? That was smart.” It was Jensen’s turn to scoff now. “That has to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

“I know. I was afraid of what I would say if I spoke to her directly. So I stuck to what I know how to do, play up my media persona of being arrogant.”

“That’s not arrogance, Mate. That’s plain and simple stupidity.” Jensen let out an exhausted breath and opened the door. “I only hope that one day, you can somehow overcome that.”

While he walked away from Fernando, Jensen promised himself that one way or another, he would bring an end to the issue between you and his teammate.

His opportunity came the next day when he saw you walk into your driver’s room after qualifying. He knew that you would likely want to be by yourself, especially because you had only just managed to get into Q3, but he was damned if he didn’t use this opportunity.

As quickly as he could, he made his way over to Fernando’s driver’s room, grabbed his wrist and started dragging him through the paddock and towards you. Because you and Jensen were so close with each other, he knew that your door would be unlocked. So when he got there with Fernando, he quickly threw the door open, shoved Fernando inside and closed the door. Using his body as a barricade, he stopped Fernando’s attempts of getting out of the small room.

Until now, you had been too shocked to properly react to what was happening, but as soon as you registered that Fernando of all people was inside your driver’s room and that Jensen had been the one to put him there, you got angry.

“Jensen I know you’re outside the door, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” You yelled. Having never heard you genuinely angry before, Fernando had stopped his attempts of pushing the door open to get out. As much as he could, he quickly moved out of the way when you started to step over to pound on the door and continue yelling at your best friend.

“I’m not opening this door until you sort your shit out with each other!” Jensen yelled back.

“You’re a piece of shit Jensen! I swear to god if you don’t open this fucking door, I’m never fucking speaking to you again!”

“I think I’ll live!”

You yelled out in frustration and fury. Turning around, you saw Fernando looking at you in shock. “What!?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that angry.” His voice was a whisper. Almost as if he was scared of you.

“Well aren’t you lucky?” You were no longer yelling, but the anger was still evident in your words. “Listen, I could care less if you hate me, but could you at least explain that to Jensen so I can leave?” You punctuated your sentence with a solid kick to the door, where Jensen was still using his bodyweight to stop you from leaving.

“I don’t hate you.”

You laughed. Doubled over hands on your knees, you laughed as if he had said the funniest thing in the world. “That has to be the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever heard you say Alonso.”

It was Jensen’s voice beyond the door that made you sober up quickly. “He’s in love with you! He’s just too pussy to tell you!”

You practically gave yourself whiplash turning your head to look at Fernando’s face. “You what?”

“I-” Before Fernando could get a word in edgewise, you had turned back to the door, pounding your open hand on it.

“Jensen, this isn’t funny! You can’t do this to me, you can’t play me like this! Please just open the door!” The amount of emotion coursing through you made your voice crack as you pleaded to be let out.

“I promise you, Buggy, I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

“What do you mean?” Fernando had asked you.

“Years ago, before we were ever teammates and before she got to F1, Y/n told me that she was the most excited to meet you. She’s always admired you. She was gutted when you acted how you did the day you met. Ever since, she’s tried to understand what was wrong with her. Wouldn’t listen when I said it had nothing to do with her.” Jensen said loud enough for you both to hear him. “I have to do this, Buggy. I only ever want the best for you and if that means I have to make you confront this, then so be it.”

At this point Fernando had slowly made his way over to where you had practically run to. The look on your face broke his heart, so he slowly and clearly moved his arms to hold you close to him.

“Let go of me! Let me go! You- You hate me! You don’t like me, please just let go..” You had tried prying yourself out of his arms before deflating in defeat and crying.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way. Lo siento. Lo siento mucho.” He kept hugging you close, gently his hand over your head and shushing you like one would when calming a child.

Jensen’s heart broke as he heard you break down. He knew this needed to happen, but it still hurt to hear his best friend, his little sister, crying her heart out.

Fernando managed to gently guide you so that the two of you were sitting on the floor. He didn’t want to risk you falling because of being too overwhelmed. He started explaining to you how he had followed your career since you had been in Formula 3. He spoke about how he admired just how driven you were, which had earned a small, wet chuckle from you. Eventually, you had calmed down enough to stop crying, though neither you nor Fernando made an effort to move from the embrace.

After a few moments of silence, Fernando spoke. His voice whispered, “He’s right.”

“Who?” Your voice was still wrought with emotion.

“Jensen. He was right when he said I was too scared to tell you I love you.”

“But why?”

“Why was I scared?” he wiped a stray tear from your face, “There’s a lot of reasons I guess. I mean-”

You cut him off. “No, I mean why are you in love with me? You haven’t spoken to me directly ever since I got here, so why would you love me?”

Fernando gently squeezed you. “A lot of reasons. I guess the biggest one is that I saw how determined you were, fighting to be on the top step after every race. I saw how you never let anybody tell you how to act. You’ve always had a fire in you and that attracted me the most. El hecho de que seas tan hermosa también ayuda.” [The fact that you're so beautiful helps too.]

A small part of your brain clocked onto the fact that Fernando had no idea what languages you spoke. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Guapa.” [Pretty]

“Tomé clases de español de niña, hasta que tuve fluidez.” [I took Spanish classes as a kid, until I was fluent.]

Fernando placed a lingering kiss on your forehead, “Every word I said is the truth.”

“Thank you.”

Kinda struggled writing the "Enemies to Lovers" part of this but overall I think I did pretty good.

I hope you all enjoyed!

MUAHS <3

#formula 1 x you #f1 x reader #formula one #formula 1 #fernando alonso #fernando alonso x reader #fernando alonso x you #f1 angst #fa14 #Reader is besties with Jensen Button #anon request

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hotjaneaustenmenpoll · 7 months

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Some 1996 (ITV) Mr Knightley (Mark Strong) propaganda, because my poor man is going to need it, whoever it is that he goes against.

People have objections about this version of the character. I understand them. I'm gonna try to add some perspective to them, and then go for actual pros that I think should be considered!

First, the two lines of horrors about baby Emma. My only defense, I plead at the jury, is... should be blame character and actor for screenplay writer Andrew Davies' crimes?

Second, this Mr Knightley is too angry/forceful. Well, Mark Strong agrees with you! in The Making of Jane Austen's Emma, he says that "At this point I worried that, because I was always having a go at Emma, the audience might not see the love behind it". He also thinks that a lot of that emotionality is driven by Knightley starting to feel things he'd never felt before, and not knowing how to deal with them: "He’s probably going home in the evening and thinking, 'Why on Earth did I do that? What is happening?’"

From there to the beloved scene of 2020 Mr Knightley arriving home and throwing himself on the floor, there isn't a step, even. In that way, this version of Knightley was very influential for both adaptations that came after; 2009 takes from it the emphasis on the aspect of Knightley being an engaged administrator of his estate, rather blunt at times, but always kind to those that depend on him.

Besides all this, you must acknowledge his exasperated delivery of the "His aunt is in the way. His aunt dies!!!" speech is hilarious :P

On with the pros!

This Knightley takes an interest on the servants' lives, knows them by name and always greets them when he arrives at Hartfield.

The way he says "excuse me, sir" to Mr Elton after he snubbed Harriet is glorious:

He has some moments of subtle acting that I love, like this exchange of glances with Emma about Mrs Elton:

(in general I feel he has great chemistry with Emma whenever they are having A MomentTM, but YMMV). He has this way of dissolving a stern face into a lovely smile when he sees her:

The way his voice breaks when he finishes delivering the "badly done" speech after Box Hill

His reactions DURING the Box Hill scene:

His smile at Miss Bates' self deprecating joke!

His disappointment at Emma's hurtful comment!

His concern for Miss Bates!

He has merits! And lovely green eyes.

Sorry but I adore you and your true dedication to the cause - I have added this to the Mark Strong Mr Knightley Propaganda under his poll but will post the full ask here too!

Mr Knightley (1996) Vs Mr Bingley (2005)

#propaganda #mr knightley #mark strong #emma 1996 #emma

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thecoolerliauditore · 28 days

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Sorry someone asked me about the self harm post and I got really out of hand writing stuff that wasn't really relevant and just mansplaining how I view double life's mechanics in a metaphorical sense as a whole. This really is not anything but I feel like I wrote too much to just delete it now so here

Scared that this is gonna be someone else's bdubs unsweetened lemonade situation but:

double life's mechanic, in essence, is "your life and wellbeing have direct impact on someone else" so when you combine that with the players actions and how they abuse the mechanic to control and punish their soulmates, you get some pretty cool stuff that could be translated into symbolism. If you're insane, of course.

I feel like I should note that I'm not going to go into the queer reading of double life and the anti-soulmate themes because I feel like other people have summed that up better than I could even though I do feel like that is one of the strongest reads of anything in the series. For the sake of argument we're going to be equating a soulbound with someone you have a genuine connection with emotionally and not just your watcher government assigned husband because I do think both are applicable to every soulbound pair in the series.

so with that being said a good chunk of the players, the worst offenders being divorce quartet, instead of seeing their soulbound as a reason to be more careful use their physical pain to punish their respective partners, while hurting themselves in the process.

Scott + Cleo are the most straightforward example, to me. They feel snubbed by Pearl and Martyn so they "teach them a lesson" by hurting themselves, knowing that it will impact their partners. They also enable and push eachother to get more and more dramatic with their "punishments", i.e. through the mutual axe crit morning routine they'd established. They call themselves chosen soulmates but through both the axe crits and other behaviour (e.g. cleo admitting she was "using" scott) it is shown that they don't truly Care For eachother, rather that they simply need eachother to enable themselves.

Pearl is also pretty straightforward: Scott hurts her, so she hurts him back. Despite her gleeful mocking and giggling through it all I'd argue this is not something Pearl ever really wanted to do, especially since the soulbound isn't the only way Scott hurts her in the series (I'd even argue him socially isolating her is worse than the axe crits) and this is the only thing Pearl has to get back at him -- through hurting herself. I also think it's kind of fucked that despite the fact Scott is hurt by this (as in the mechanics apply to him), he always treats it as more of an annoyance until it gets to the point where he's worried about his own life (e.g. when joel chases down pearl, scott specifically yells "Pearl run! MY life isn't worth it!")

It almost becomes this messed up toxic competition for Scott and Pearl to see who can push things further. There's this one part I think about alot where Pearl is doing her usual powdered snow tick damage ("just a tickle", as she puts it) and Scott leaps off a massive cliff and takes out a huge chunk of their healthbar to get her to stop. And he does this all without saying a word.

Martyn is kind of the outlier as the one who engaged in hurting himself the least and even Cleo chills on the axe crits after awhile, I like to think due to her and Martyn's conversation on the bridge and her realising what she is doing isn't fair to him. However, Martyn is not without his own demons since his first reaction to Cleo teaming with Scott was to fucking start hitting her, despite the damage reflecting back onto him (he even pulls out an axe and starts going for crits).

seriously though I haven't seen anyone else comment on this. what the fuck man.

Martyn continues with this later as well, when he catches Scott and Cleo in the middle of one of their axe crit routines and, once they explain what they're doing, starts hitting Cleo again (again, despite the damage reflecting onto him and having just taken an axe crit). This part was especially interesting to me because he never hits Scott even though he's the logical target (no soulbound), the one who actually did the axe crit and just as responsible for the split as Cleo, but afaik he never lays a hand on him.

In fact I'd even say it's worth noting that Martyn is almost on friendly terms with Scott, despite talking behind his back. When Cleo and Pearl get into a game of chicken to see who can stay longest in a pile of powdered snow, Martyn and Scott suddenly start taking damage and, instead of getting angry at their soulbounds (like Scott and Cleo had at the start of the series), Martyn places down his own powdered snow and asks Scott if he wants to do it too, to which Scott giggles and agrees. It seems like Martyn is more or less only concerned about His soulbound.

Like Cleo slowing down and eventually stopping with her axe crits, Martyn stops hitting her after awhile too.

Now while I do realise the imagery is very uncomfortable, it's worth noting that Martyn hitting Cleo is pretty much equivalent to Cleo hurting herself to get back at him, if anything Martyn hitting her does less damage. So at least in the confines of this post the comparison is less beating your wife = cutting yourself and more "here are two people who do mutual harm onto one another, with different methods but the same outcome".

Cleo is also pretty smug through the whole thing and doesn't seem emotionally impacted whatsoever by Martyn hitting her (aside from taking offense) and the two make up relatively quickly as well. What I'm trying to say is Martyn Wifebeater Littlewood is not real but he does suck. It's not Literal physical abuse and it's not Literal self-harm. Other than in Pearl's case I think you could make a case for that literally being the equivalent of her hurting herself because it's all she has to get back at Scott with.

This also opens up a good question of: if hurting their soulbounds is the goal, why aren't all of them doing what Martyn is doing? After all the outcome is the same, the method is just more direct. There's this interesting point here I think then of Martyn being the most outwardly hostile of the four, but also the most direct and willing to communicate, even if he does it in a really awful way.

ALTERNATIVELY that is literally what is happening and both Martyn and Cleo are just insane people.

Outside of the divorce quartet, things get even muddier.

I feel like one of the pitfalls for the purposeful self-damage = self-harm take actually comes from Etho and Joel, early on in the series when Joel is building the RelationShip. Etho purposefully jumps off a ledge to do fall damage to Joel everytime Joel takes damage while building to "teach him a lesson", according to him. He even does this in front of people whose reactions range from amused to slightly taken aback.

Now this could easily be read as controlling behaviour but I feel like that would be severely out of character for etho, who historically has not wanted anything to do with team-ups on any level past convenience. It could be argued that this is what the soulbound system brings out of him now that he is forced to keep track of one other person (and imo he's pretty clear he doesn't care deeply for joel as a soulbound whatsoever) but he is otherwise so unbothered with anything Joel does and, if anything, let's Joel lead their decision-making ("the ship burns, everything burns" was certainly not etho's doing).

The damage he does to himself + Joel is also minimal enough that it doesn't ever get to the point of worrying either of them past being annoying and it's not something Etho does for more than one or two episodes.

So with that what I'm trying to say is there's definitely wiggle room for what it means for individual soulbounds and its overall impact seems to be very dependent on who is doing it and what the intent is behind it.

Which is relevant for the last pair I feel like this is especially important to: Scar and Grian. What does, for example, Scar showing Pearl the powdered snow signify? Is he enabling her like Cleo and Scott with eachother? Is he doing it out of amusement? Does he relate to her plight with Scott due to his own situation with Grian and want to feel some sort of second-hand justice?

It's not really clear, especially added to him hurting himself to get back at Grian for the cheating thing. I'll be honest I'm very scared in general of speaking on Scar's character because he's kind of an enigma to me and I've heard every take on earth about what he actually is like.

There's definitely more to talk about here but this is too long lmao chile

#random thoughts #cw self harm

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mrs-monaghan · 10 months

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Jk did not hug him back in their pictures and also i think it speaks volumes that jm didnt post his and jks solo ones. Why he did that and posted tkks instead is so so obvious, why would he hide something thats not true anyway?

The suchwita episode became so awkward when V came and im not gonna lie jk was a little dismissive towards him and paid more attention to suga

What are these deluded people seeing we aren’t? I was like before I form an opinion, go on twitter or tumblr lemme watch the raw footage myself and that was a tough watch ngl. V tried involving himself a couple of times but jk wasnt acknowledging him or quickly changed the convo.

Even when he first came in he wasn’t very excited and he made a comment which I thought was interesting, about getting the views to 20 million now. Which if you think of it kinda shows his acknowledgment to the fact that tkk sells to the deluded.

It was a tough but interesting watch. Jungkooks bits about his album were amazing and hes so talented it’s admirable. That and the news of jikooks travel variety show…🤧🤧🤧

Anymore ideas of where they couldve gone because i have a feeling jeju will be in it too with a possibility of a cameo from V

As always lovely speaking with you shaz💜

I actually didn't see what most people want to see are are saying they saw. I didn't see what u saw, anon. I didn't think it was awkward at all. Taekook were fine. If anything its the Taegis who should be crying because that thing where Suga snubs V is still a thing apparently 😂 I find it funny.

Anyway, V said he didn't plan to be on camera. Now this is V we're talking about, so idk how true this is 🤭 but I wouldn't read too much into how JK treated him. Because this is a huge part of Taekook's dynamic. V annoys JK, JK snaps or pushes him off and they move on. Kinda like Yoonmin and their bickering but its JK telling V off or ignoring him all together. V likes to disturb the maknae, he's always done it. Even when JK has been annoyed by it. V don't care, he's played that hyung card since time immemorial.

But V got lost in the bg and I even forgot he was there so I think people made his presence a bigger deal than it was. In my opinion anyway. Did he need to be there? I'm gonna say no. His presence there seemed a bit pointless compared to Jimin making an appearance during Taemin's. Which ig could mean V really didn't plan on being on camera? But I have my doubts coz well, it's V 🤭

Anyway, imo that episode was fine. I personally didn't have an issue with anything. 🤷🏽‍♀️

As for the Jikook Vlog I didn't think about another member being in it but that would be interesting... though I thought it would all be about their NYC trip and that was just them? 🤔 But you bring up and interesting theory anon. What if this vlog is several episodes? Then who knows how long they've been filming for it

Either way I'm even more excited for it now...

#ask shaz #bts ask #gcf nyc #gcf cunneticut

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stanleyl · 6 months

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noooo why are so many in the fandom so delulu like he did give a great performance and it's good to have some hope but we...

Is it delulu to be hopeful for Tom???? Even if you are right and let's say he has no chance, why are you so mad??? This industry is about connections, so him campaigning for an emmy allows him to talk to people he hasnt spoken to before. The best episode was 8, and if Tom is proud of his work on that episode and wants to campaign, let him be. Alit of ppl loved Barbie, whereas I thought it was boring, but it didn't stop Margot robbie campaigning it a whole yr despite it not winning any awards outside its box office.

the worst is in the scenario where he doesn't get a nom and fans make a big deal on twt further embarassing him/us...

I'm sorry, Anon, but maybe you are chronically online because how does him not get a nom a direct perception of you a fan? How are you feeling, secondhand embarrassment because of a few tweets from losers. Unless you are in the comparison wars that only exist on Twitter, that's the dumbest, main character opinion I've read in a while. Tom is doing what any actor does for their project. He's not the first actor to promote his show with low critical reviews, and trust me, he won't be the last. His performance as Danny was deeply grounded and amazing, and you are entitled to your opinion, but to call fans delulu for acknowledging his work is crazy I'm sorry.

Also Twitter is not real fucking life!!!! I'm sick of you fans that are on that app and then come here to cope becaue you saw a tweet that offended you from strangers online. I rarely have that experience because I pick and choose to care, and trust me, he's not the only actor to have projects that don't pan well. Paul Mescal had Foe come out last it was panned critically, but I didn't think his fandom online felt embarrassed because of it. They didn't internalised and then project . Paul also had all of us strangers and was filming gladiators next. He literally got that role because a casting director saw him on stage in A Streetcar named Desire. Filmtwitter loves him and yet he hasn't even achieved any boxoffice success yet...

Also, I don't think anyone cares unless you search for tweets about it. Maybe you are frustrated with Tom's pace of work and I can understand the frustration but at the end of the day, he's gonna do with his career what he wants to do, without any input from you, unless you have his number lol😭😭😭😭

Nobody is mad but you, sorry lol. The other person literally just said it's good to have some hope, but in this case we need to be more realistic, he was only nominated for a critics choice, he was snubbed twice after that. You're the one writing a whole essay for no reason. The "embarrassing" part is when fans keep crying and yelling how he was robbed, when it was never that deep.

And since you mentioned Paul...

He is an Academy Award nominee and has been recognized for being an indie darling in acclaimed projects. Why would his fans care about one single project with terrible reviews when their favorite isn't constantly being the target of comments about his career choices, how his agents are bad, people (including so-called journalists & 'critics') diminishing him to uplift others, and downplaying/trying to erase any career accomplishments he has achieved. Yeah, if I was a Paul fan, and I was chronically online, I wouldn't give two shits about Foe RT scores either 🤷🏽‍♀️. That was terrible example if you ask me.

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dearweirdme · 1 year

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https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/730545264313647104/soo-taennies-think-that-taes-instagram-post-with I was just happy to see pictures of him smiling, because he looked so done in all of the official event photos from that trip. Also that outfit is 🔥🔥🔥 It's hilarious though if they want to try to make something of this, because the only thing linking her to it is that caviar picture in the ig photo dump and we all know they screwed up because there's no way she was there. They handed us something so easily debunkable. Their favorite paparazzi stalked Tae to the restaurant that night and even he confirmed it was just Tae and his friends. Hope Taennopes get well soon.

Hi anon!

Yes, agree!

Happy and sad moments can go together though. You can have a sad moment when you are generally happy, and you can have a happy moment when you are generally going through a sad period. I think the time surrounding Paris/Cannes was weird for Tae.

I feel like the posting of this pic was a moment.

It’s almost as if there was a before and after feeling. The before containing many great Taekook moments, like the insta live, them at Dream, many mentions back and forth, many real life outings of the two. We were basically thinking they had much more freedom than before.

But after that pic.. we got Paris, we get Jk mentioning Tae less, we got a period where Tae didn’t mention Jk much as well. To me that pic in Tae’s insta feels like a statement, a thing he could do.. when he knew things were gonna change.

I get all these anons in my inbox talking about how Jk is snubbing Tae, how Jk clearly cares less about Tae than about Jimin (see other anon, I’m not afraid to go there, just don’t feel like posting your hateful ask), how Tae is using Jk, how Jk is only posting Tae again now that it’s promo time. I don’t understand how people are so quick to underestimate Tae and Jk’s friendship. Even if you don’t think they’re in a romantic relationship, there’s no denying that they are best friends. They have shown us that for a long time now. You can’t say everything he does for Jimin is real, but what he does for Tae now is fanservice. You can’t say Jk doesn’t care for Tae. Why would Jk publicly snub one of his bandmembers/best friends? That’s just not true.

I agree that there’s a difference (though not as strong as some would like to believe). Tae is more open to mentioning Jk. And Jk seems a bit more reluctant than he was before. Aside from their personalities being different (Jk not mentioning anyone much) I think Jk is very much a live in the moment guy. He sees something and he has a reaction. To me the Jimin interactions/lives we got from Jk was just that. He got a clue about Jimin in his comments or from weverse, he got a surge of fondness for his good friend, and that resulted in some great footage. I think the strongness of those moments (because yes, they were great) was amplified because Jk and Jimin didn’t meet much back then. Those kind of amplified moments of fondness don’t happen with Jk when it comes to Tae, because they spend more time together. There has not been a lap of time when Tae and Jk didn’t see each other regularly. There’s a steady level of fondness between those two, and Jk doesn’t go around and proof his love and affection just because fandom wants to see that. If anything, I think Jk reacts negatively when people try to pry information from him.

Jk goes live for himself and for army. He wants to share what he feels like, and those things can vary from time to time. Feeling comfortable with certain topics isn’t a given, it can change from time to time. But to me it is clear from what we see that Tae and Jk are just fine.

Well, this was a bit of a rant 😂.

#taekook #jk live #taennope

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mermaidsirennikita · 8 months

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Thoughts on the oscar noms? (…and the current drama surrounding it)

Honestly, I need people to realize that Barbie was a cute movie that was ultimately meant to sell Barbie dolls. It had a great set design, really cool visuals and costumes, some fun jokes, and a very good performance from Ryan Gosling. I think Greta being snubbed is weird because the movie was very CLEARLY. DIRECTED. But then again, Wes Anderson does that a lot to mixed results with the Academy, so. A very clear and strong eye does not always please them. If we're gonna talk about women (because apparently the Oscars allow only one lady director) who directed films very smartly, I would say that Celine Song is a better choice. Past Lives was such a good movie, and I think her direction really helped communicate a story in which a lot was left unsaid, pairing well with the actors.

And I'll be real... I need people to get that the movie was always more about Ken. Ken had the best script. Ken had the best arc. Is that right, for a Barbie movie? I don't know, dude. But I frankly don't blame the Academy for nominating Ryan and not Margot, because Margot had nothing great to do and she didn't elevate the material. She was good, she was charming. Ryan was performing a lot more. I like America btw, but I don't get that nom lol.

Also, stop complaining about I'm Just Ken, it was great, let us have fun song nominees.

Best Picture: I don't know why Barbie is there, the Oppenheimer sweep has been boring and though I liked the movie, as a film it was absolutely nothing without Cillian and to me that does not a Best Picture make, Killers of the Flower Moon or American Fiction should win but won't, Maestro is a joke, Past Lives deserves but also deserves more noms, haven't seen Poor Things, Anatomy of a Fall, or Zone of Interest (though at least filmtwt can stop complaining about it not being well-marketed for the Academy) yet. I liked The Holdovers, but that was before I found out the director is uhhhhh a very very bad man.

Best Actor: Leo was snubbed and I do think him campaigning for Lily so hard had something to do with it but that was legit one of his most interesting, un-Leo performances; Bradley is a joke; happy for Colman but haven't seen Rustin yet; Cillian should win and I think he will but Paul G could dark horse it--I don't think his performance was Oscar-worthy but he was good and he's been picking up his fair share of awards; Jeffrey Wright was amazing in American Fiction and if anyone should dark horse it it's him. I'd still give it to Cillian. If this was up to me, I'd toss out Bradley and throw in Teo Yoo, who was so so good in Past Lives. But the Academy is sending a HARD backlash message to Asian creatives after the EEAAO sweep, imo.

Best Actress: As I said, I don't care that Margot wasn't nominated and I don't think she should've been, and imo her best performance was easily I, Tonya; I haven't seen Nyad so no comment on Annette, same with Sandra for Anatomy, and I think Carey had moments in Maestro but she overall was not one of those "standouts in a horrible movie" actors; Lily should win and absolutely killed her performance and dominated her movie, but I am worried that Emma could take it. I'd toss out Carey for Greta Lee.

Best Supporting Actor: Everyone needs to stop saying Sterling snuck in because he was deeply moving in American Fiction and is lowkey highkey one of the best actors working right now; RDJ basically just did Leslie Odom Jr. in Hamilton and F. Murray Abraham in Amadeus but with his RDJ cadence of speaking he can't drop to save his life, but he's taking this for a career Oscar; I hate that Charles isn't there, but if it wasn't him I'd give it to Sterling or De Niro, who gave one of my favorite performances in his career and was SO disgusting and menacing in Killers. Haven't seen Ruffalo, so if it was up to me depending on his performance I'd toss out RDJ for Charles Melton and possibly shuffle some other people around.

Best Supporting Actress: Lol Emily was horrible in Oppenheimer and I'll die on that hill, generally liking her as an actress; Da'Vine will win this and she was amazing in The Holdovers but the director really sours it for me; happy for Danielle, haven't seen TCP; America shouldn't be there but whatever; I literally though Nyad was about a mythological creature until I Googled last night and found out it was about a swimmer.

Best Director: This is going to go to Christopher Nolan for one of his better movies but not his best because that is FAR. AND AWAY. THE PRESTIGE. Should go to Scorsese, his direction for Killers is why (to me) that movie still felt like it was moving at a clip despite the length.

#awards season 2024 #look i'm sure i'll enjoy poor things and emma plays well w yorgos buuut

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drabbles-mc · 1 year

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fic ask game! You know me, couldn't pick just one, so I did a few and you choose which sounds most interesting.

Perspective Flip: Literally anything in JOW from Steve's perspective, bonus points if Javi and/or Connie are involved somehow???

For Want of a Nail: Grave Mistakes but Carrillo's shot isn't deadly. It maims Diego so DIEGO LIVES TO TELL THE TALE and also lives to you know. Talk back. Huge eyes emoji.

Time After Time: A Good Time and it's one week after? Legit don't know if Walt and reader would've intentionally seen each other or unintentionally but surely the fates (aka you) can make it happen somehow?

and you know me and i have no self control and i simply couldn't just pick one either! 😂💕 all the goodies are under the cut because I also...ramble... 👀 (ask game can be found Here)

Perspective Flip for Just One Week (also the fact that you chose my hillbilly husband for this??? chef's kiss): Okay so I'm gonna do a little POV flip from the end of chapter 1, because I do so love the idea of Steve going home to Connie and telling her about all of this to gossip like a little school girl sksksk

Steve was laughing at the back and forth that had transpired between Javi and Carrillo as he stood up to gather his things and finally get ready to go home. "He's never gonna do another favor for you again."

Javi waved his hand dismissively as he also got ready to leave. "he needs us now."

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. "You know, I really don't think that's true."

"Sure it is," Javi replied with no hesitation, lighting a cigarette as the two of them made their way toward the parking lot. "You think he knows how to handle her parents? What to say to her?"

Steve's eyebrows lifted, amusement all over his face as he asked, "Do you know how to do either of those things, Jav?"

He exhaled a stream of smoke as they got to their cars, parked side-by-side like they were nearly every day. "Got more of an idea of how to do it than he does."

Steve chuckled as he unlocked the door to his car. "Funny that she didn't ask you to do all this, then."

Javi dropped his cigarette to the ground, snubbing it out beneath his shoe. "She might still change her mind."

He rolled his eyes, choosing not to respond to the comment. "'Night, Javi," he said with a laugh as he slid into the driver's seat of his car.

When she heard the click of the lock on the door, Connie didn't need to turn around to know who it was. Keeping her eyes trained on the stove in front of her, she listened to the sound of Steve walking in. The door swinging shut, the clattering of his keys on the table, the way his footsteps went from heavy to soft once he took off his boots.

"Hey," she called back to him.

He walked up behind her, arms wrapping around her waist as he leaned in and kissed the side of her head. "Hey."

"How was work?" she asked. When all she got in response to that was a laugh, she finally turned so that she could look at him. "That good? Or that bad?"

He shook his head. "Wanna hear somethin' crazy?"

She smiled, letting her eyes drift back to the stove. "Sure."

"Y/N asked Carrillo to be her fake boyfriend while her parents are in town."

Connie let out a small laugh. "Oh? What'd he say?"

Now it was Steve's turn to laugh as he said, "He said yea." He shook his head. "You believe that? Fuckin' Carrillo."

Connie laughed at his disbelief, turning and looking at him again. "Is it that hard to believe?"

Steve smiled but there were still traces of confusion and disbelief on his face. "C'mon, Connie. I've told you about him. You really think he's the romantic type?"

She turned the heat down on the stove before turning around to face him head-on. "I didn't think that you were the romantic type at first. But look at you now," she said as she gestured to the fact that he still had his hands on her hips, keeping himself close to her the way that he always did.

"You didn't think I was?" he asked, seemingly shocked.

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "No, Mr. Who Checks Out A Cop's Ass, Right? I didn't think you were a romantic when I met you. But," she patted his chest, "I was wrong. Maybe you are too. Maybe Y/N knows that."

He shook his head. "Yea, I don't think that's it."

Tilting her chin up, she stole a quick kiss. "I guess you'll have to wait and see." She turned back around to the stove. "Keep me updated, yea?"

For Want Of A Nail for Grave Mistakes: The way that Diego surviving would change the landscape for every dynamic on that team going forward. (Obvs him dying does too but you know what I mean lol) I've also spent a lot of time wondering what it would take to finally make Diego snap and sort of lose his shit a little bit. I think that this would definitely do it! I think that he would finally snap on Carrillo, and it would mostly be about the fact that, yea, Carrillo almost ended his entire fucking life, but it would also be about everything else, too. Even if Diego didn't say it, you just know that some of the venom in his voice has been sitting in the pit of his stomach, stifled down for the sake of professionalism that he doesn't need to have in that moment anymore. My ideal scenario of this happening is him still being in the hospital. He's still stuck in bed after surgery and he'll be fine but everything still hurts. Steve is there visiting and dragged Javi with him and they're in there when Carrillo shows up, and it's the most tense and awkward few seconds known to man before Steve finally clears his throat and awkwardly has to drag Javi out of the room because he doesn't want to leave the two of them alone because Javi is still Team Carrillo all the way. But Steve manages it and leaves the two of them. And it's the first time that Carrillo has seen Diego since the dropped him at the hospital in the first place. 👀

Carrillo stood uncomfortably far away from the hospital bed, as close to the closed door as he could manage. He forced himself to take a tiny step forward as he said, "You look better."

Diego let out a dry laugh, cringing slightly in pain as he let his head drop back against the pillow behind him. "If I looked worse, I think that'd mean I'm--"

"Ramírez," Carrillo cut him off, whether out of force of habit, or because he didn't want to face the potential outcome of what he'd done, he wasn't sure.

"What?" he said, an edge to his voice as he stared up at the hospital room ceiling. Taking a deep breath, he looked over at Carrillo. "What do you want? What can I do for you, Colonel?" there was sarcasm in his voice where there never had been before.

He shook his head slightly, feeling the burn of shame creeping up the back of his neck. "Nothing. I don't..." he trailed off for a moment, unsure of where his sentence had been going. "I just wanted to make sure that you're alright."

"Since when?"

Carrillo froze, eyes widening for a moment at the question. "What?"

"Since when," he adjusted himself so that he was sitting a little more upright, easier to look Carrillo in the eye for this, "do you want to make sure that I'm alright?"

"Since..."

Despite the pain, and the anger, and the exhaustion, Diego felt something close to validation starting to build, too. "I didn't think I'd ever see the day you actually looked guilty over something that you did to me."

That was the moment that Carrillo realized that all of the times Diego had ever gotten under his skin in the past, it hadn't never been intentional. This, though, whatever this conversation was going to turn out to be, was going to show Carrillo just how easy Diego had been taking it on him for all the months that had gone by. "I didn't mean t--"

"You fucked up." It was Diego's turn to cut him off. "Top to bottom, everything that went wrong that day was on you. All the men that died? That was on you too. They should all still be here." He sucked in a breath, cringing for a moment as his hand came to rest over the bandage that hid the stitches across his stomach. "And you should've looked before you shot me," he tacked the statement on almost like it was afterthought, like it wasn't the entire reason Carrillo had shown up in the first place.

Carrillo could feel himself getting defensive even though he had no right to. "I thought--"

"You didn't think," Diego shot back with a shake of his head. "And that's why I almost bled out on the back seat of your car."

"Diego," Carrillo started, another sentence that he didn't know where it was going.

When he didn't say anything else, Diego figured he would fill the silence. "If you came to apologize, don't." He let out a humorless laugh. "If you didn't apologize when it happened, I know you're not going to mean it now." Diego could see it on the man's face that he was landing hit after hit without even having the ability to get out of bed. "If you came to talk about something else, it can wait until I'm back."

"Until you're back?" he parroted back.

A hint of a smug grin tried to pull at the ends of Diego's mouth. "Yea. Once I'm cleared, I'll be back." He saw the shock on Carrillo's face and laughed. "I can live with what you did to me, Carrillo. Can you?"

Time After Time for A Good Time: Okay the fates can and will make them run into each other again. Not only do they run into each other, but they run into each other while Walt is with Sal (aka: what's left of the Smash & Grab crew) 😌

Walt let out an annoyed exhale, a puff of smoke flowing from between his lips as he did. He was shaking his head at Sal, who was sitting across the table from him in the small restaurant and bar. "I'm tellin' you, it's not gonna fuckin' work. We gotta--"

"Walt?" you couldn't stop yourself from saying it, from interrupting their conversation.

Both men instantly turned and looked at you. Walt's eyes widened at the sight of you, the man across from him keeping his expression neutral as he went back and forth between looking at you, and looking at the man sitting across from him.

The shock was slowly starting to fade from Walt's face, but the annoyance that had been there previously wasn't coming back. You couldn't get a read on the expression, really, on Walt's face or the other man's.

You supposed that you couldn't really blame him for being surprised. He probably didn't expect to see you again, or at least, that's what your assumption had been when you'd woken up to an empty bed the morning after the two of you had gone home together. You hadn't taken it personally then, weren't particularly happy or sad about it one way or the other. But you also hadn't been expecting to see him again.

"Hey," he finally forced out.

The tone of Walt's voice got a surprised, almost amused look out of the man he was sitting with. He took a sip of his beer before nodding to Walt. The fact that he had never seen Walt looking the way he did, told him everything that he needed to know about the situation, about who you were. "You gonna introduce me to your friend, Breslin?"

You laughed at that before you could stop yourself. "That'd be quite the trick," you said as you looked at Walt with a bit of a smirk, "since he never actually got my name."

The other man laughed, shaking his head as he held his hand out. "I'm Sal."

You smiled, shaking his hand as you gave him your name in return. "Nice to meet you." You looked at Walt. "And here I was thinking that you didn't have any friends."

Sal's grin stretched a little wider, reveling in the entirety of the scenario that you all found yourselves in. "Here I was thinking that Walt never--"

"Can you give us a minute, Sal?" Walt cut him off before he disappeared completely into the floor out of discomfort.

Sal chuckled, nodding as he stood up. "I'll grab us another round." He looked at you. "Want one?" he held up his beer bottle.

You shook your head. "I'm alright, thanks. I won't be long."

Sal nodded in acknowledgment, sparing one last look between the two of you before chuckling and walking away, shaking his head as he went.

You sat in the empty chair between Walt's and Sal's. You were about to try and break the ice when Walt spoke up. "Sorry I just, you know..."

"Took off without saying goodbye?" you finished his sentence with a laugh. You saw the sheepish nod he gave you and shook your head. "It's fine, Walt. Honestly, I wasn't exactly surprised. A little offended? Sure," you joked, "But not surprised.

He let out a small chuckle, like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to laugh at that. "Right."

You studied his face, the way it looked a little different now than it had then. His stubble was a little shorter, the expression on his face seeming a little less tired now than it had then, but you wondered if that had less to do with him actually feeling better, and more to do with the fact that you'd caught him so off-guard it gave him a tiny jolt of energy.

"You know, I kind of wanted to give you a hard time just for the fun of it," you said with a smile, "but it seems like your friend is going to take care of that for me."

Walt laughed, a little more at ease about it this time. "Yea, he fuckin' will don't worry."

"I had accepted that I probably wasn't ever going to see you again," you told him as you took out a cigarette for yourself, lighting it before continuing. "But since, you know, here we are," you gestured between you with the hand that held the cigarette, swirling smoke between you, "it feels like it'd be a waste to not take advantage of it."

His brows drew together in confusion. "Yea?"

You chuckled at his expression. "Yea," you nodded as you placed your cigarette between your lips, grabbed a napkin off the table and a pen from your bag. You jotted down your number before folding it up and sliding it over to him, like you were passing off classified information. Taking the smoke back between your fingers, you said, "There's my number. You know, to go with the name."

The look of surprise came back to his face. Part of him almost thought that you must be giving him a fake number, that he was going to be calling a random person on the other end of the state, or an ex of yours or something. "Really?"

You laughed. "Really. We had a good time, right?" When he nodded, you gave him one in return. "Good times can happen more than once." You saw his friend coming back out of the corner of your eye and you carefully stood up. You took another drag before saying, "Call me," tendrils of smoke slipping out with each letter. Turning to look at his friend, you smile. "Nice meeting you."

The slick grin on his face was more directed at Walt than it was at you as he said, "You too." He sat down, both he and Walt watching as you walked up to the counter to pick up whatever food you'd shown up for. Sal was unable to stop his laughter as he said, "You didn't get her fucking name, man?"

Walt chuckled, shaking his head as he toyed with the folded napkin you'd given him. "Fuck off."

Sal nodded to the item between Walt's fingers. "That her number?" Walt's silence spoke volumes. "You gonna call her?" Sal chuckled as he watched Walt shake his head, but he didn't really deny it. "You're gonna call her."

Reaching across the table, Walt chuckled as he grabbed one of the beer bottles that Sal had brought back. "Give me my fuckin' beer."

Ashling, if you read this far, I love you and I'm sorry 😂 These were all just so fun I couldn't kill my darlings I couldn't so I just did all of them lmao

#ask #asks #just one week #grave mistakes #a good time #narcos #narcos mexico #walt breslin #horacio carrillo #steve murphy #oc diego #oc diego ramirez #ashlingiswriting

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