#also not gonna give EA any money ever fuck them

[cherry-purple]

Question for Sims 4 players:

Do you guys know of Sims 4 mods that reduce unsanitary gameplay stuff as much as possible?

Like I hate that I can see literal cat poop in litter boxes or seeing the piles of shit horses crap all over the place.

Also hate the pee moodlets with the yellow-stained underwear and the diaper messages that have icons showing diapers overflowing with literal shit.

Any way to make those sorts of unsanitary things less explicit? Previous Sims games weren’t this overt with that stuff so I’d be happy if I could make Sims 4 more like Sims 2 or 3.

[bloody-fists-beating-hearts]

It’s a Fallout76/Bethesda rant

Bethesda just released Fallout 1st, a horseshit pay-to-win subscription system for their absolute cum-bubble of a game, and while it’s getting the flack it deserves there are people already putting on their kneepads so they can gobble down Todd Howards entire turgid cock, and as someone who likes rpg’s way too much this irked me, so have a massive and barely coherent rant i took off the discord because why not.

I want to start off with this:  Every good thing about current fallout comes from the fanbase. The stories people tell, the headcanons, the fanfics, the art, everything fans do for it is made with more love, and more thought, than anything Bethesda’s writing and games design team has done in the last 10 years

Now first of all, I haven’t bought or played 76. People are gonna stop me right there and go ”well you haven’t bought it how would you know its bad!!” yeah, I’ve never eaten dog shit either but I can pretty well guess that I ain’t gonna fucking like it.

I knew the second he said "there are no npcs" with actual enthusiasm that this game was gonna be shit. And if you give me 2 seconds to gloat, I never bought the game and I knew this was gonna happen and I was RIGHT so suck my fat hairy nuts all those fanboys who pre-order things mindlessly just because there's a brand name attached to it. If there is anything you take from this its DO NOT PREORDER. BRAND LOYALTY IS FOR BOOMERS AND BOOTLICKERS. FOR FUCKS SAKE BE SMART WITH YOUR MONEY.

Games like this are fucking 80-90 dollars or more in Australia so I actually have to think about whether this momentary distraction is worth almost an entire days paycheck, and I’m still looking for employment which means I actually haven’t bought shit in a while (side note, anyone wants to commission me for 10 dollars I’ll draw damn near anything. God I need to make rent)

Every executive at Bethesda seems to be playing catch-up to EA's monetisation scheme. Beth has abandoned their model of single-player rpg's in favour of a "games as a service" model. Fallout 76 seems to me like its a weird experiment for just how far they can stretch this and still make money. It actually makes me wonder if they are 

 a) just completely unaware of fanbase response [no idea HOW]

b) are running into financial problems and are doing this out of desperation

 c) todd howard is still mad that obsidian made a better fallout than he ever could and he's doing this out of spite 

  Games as a whole has become much like the movie industry where publishers will throw big buckets of cash around to development teams, and those teams have CEO's and higher ups that throw lavish meet n greets and have nice fancy suits and cars and then treat their development teams like shit, overworking them to the point of exhaustion, because the product has to be on time for release dates that are scheduled to be the most profitable (christmas is a notable one). 

And those products are consistently bland, shitty, shallow experiences. Narrative cum-dumpsters that are purposefully made to toe the line as safely as possible, to be open to as wide as an audience as possible so they can make the most money, and Bethesda is a huge offender. Skyrim was fun, sure, but it was watered down to fuck, it had shitty dialogue, it had bland one-note characters, it had a simplified skill system. It was impossible to lose. Seriously, try and fail a fucking quest in skyrim, other than one or two, it's a hand-holder of an rpg, but it has a huge community of fans that put in monumental effort, for free, because they like the Elder Scrolls, and they like the world bethesda made. 

  Then Bethesda goes "hey, that watered down thing we made got huge! lets release it about 12 more fucking times, with some of the SAME bugs, with the SAME content, with the SAME limitations and Yes, we absolutely expect you to pay for it, again. Then they release the remastered edition which, to their credit, is free to anyone who already bought the legendary edition (on PC), and does actually have updated 64bit capability and some graphical enhancements (that aren't anywhere near what some goober in his basement cooked up in his spare time, but whatever). Then, seeing that Skyrim was so popular, with kids especially, and made money, they turn their sights to fallout 4, a game that was so anticipated that someone made a fake countdown and caused a small meltdown on tumblr/social media when it was revealed to be fake (i was part of that fiasco, i remember the hype, i was there goddamnit)

So Fallout, a franchise that literally has its theme as its FUCKING TAGLINE, an ADULT game that is equal parts crude, gory and humorous. A game that satirises the cold war era of american my-country-tis-of-thee blind loyalty and openly mocks the way war was idealised, and shows that not even the literal end of the world could either stop humanity's lust for blood or its desire for conquest. Games that showed you the growth of the world - from shady sands to the NCR, from the vault dweller to arroyo, shit actually happened in the games, the world didn't just stop turning when the bombs dropped. A game where you you become a porn star for fucks sake, and it's funny. 

So Bethesda sees that, makes something like it (fallout 3) which is good, but a little rough around the edges when you look at it too hard. But the way they suck you into the vault, the way they build a relationship with your dad and your way of life is immersive as fuck, so when you leave the place you actually feel like you're leaving something important, not just finishing the tutorial

then they outsource a Fallout game to obsidian, because hey, we saved your franchise by buying it off you, but if you can make an entire game in one year and get a metacritic score of 85 we'll even throw in a bonus. And fuck me sideways and in the ear, if the obsidian devs didn't work themselves harder than a 4-armed hooker. And they made a game that on release was a clusterfuck of bugs, because they were given an unrealistic time limit and missed the metacritic score by ONE POINT so bethesda goes "nhey heh sucks to suck" and fucks them off the franchise forever. EXCEPT (and I admit I'm biased here) the game is good. The game is actually really good when you remove those bugs, and people start forming attachments to it, and mentioning how bad fallout 3's writing is by extension. 

  So Todd and Co. in his infinite wisdom, decide that the only thing a fallout rpg needs is 50s aesthetic and fuck all else, and he releases a game so watered down it can't even be called an rpg. And its not. There are no skills. There are barely any dialogue checks. Instead of dialogue, Nate/Nora is a flat, samrish individual that is either "yes sir right away sir may i have another", "yes but i'm gonna make an unfunny quip about it" "this option pretends to say no but its gonna give you the quest marker anyway". 

The game drops any pretence of difficulty by giving you a deathclaw, a minigun and some power armour in the first 10 minutes, allowing you to effectively reach late-game power levels with some minor scavenging for ammo or cores. Then the game ropes you into some inter-faction war that realistically you wouldn't give a shit about, because some spud in a cowboy hat fucking deputizes you into a military general because you shot like 4 raiders from a rooftop (with a minigun. in power armour. making you nigh-invulnerable to bullets). You're sad about your son about 3 times the whole game and then you're on your merry way to mowing down humans left right and center without a care in the world. God fallout 4's writing is so stupid it gives me an aneurysm.

 Remember the part about resources wars and america only having the veneer of a strong country while riots, inflation, and resource shortages tore it apart from within? Bethesda doesn't, have an eerily stepford pastel coloured glimpse at a world that was totally fine, nothing wrong here, shame it got nuked oh well moving on

Your spouse? yeah you love them, they're said 2 whole sentences to you then they died, be sad because you totally loved them and it is totally sad that they are dead. Your weird play-dough son shaun, you love him so much, you even tickled him on the chin once, okay he's gone off you go to chase him - woah now, don't chase him too hard we have all these side quests for you to do! What would be the narrative reasoning for a supposedly distraught parent to fuck around boston instead of finding their goddamn child? fuck knows! just go pick up some goddamn wood and get to base building sonny-jim! 

Companions? yeah, they're fun, we gave them a romance questline and it's thus: if you pick enough locks and pass a minor charisma check maccready will be ready and willing to tell you about his sick child, and then he'll ride you like a stallion. Talk to him like, 4 times, and he will be your bosom buddy for life in about 3-5 days if you just pick locks like a fucking madman, because character growth is hard and counting beans is easy.

 Also your son is a part of the faction we were talking about! something about synths, remember that one questline from rivet city that barely anyone actually remembers and was an interesting time waster at best? Well get ready to do that same quest but about! 15! more! times! because we could not think of anything else to write about synthetically produced humans that assume peoples identities other than having them as a hamfisted metaphor for slavery. Why do they take over people's identies? Well because the institute needs them to aasdkfjdh kshshshsh t9oe of course. 

Speaking of hamfisted metaphors, here's the underground railroad, named after the underground railroad that actually mattered, except this time its the same thing but synths. They are so top secret that the only way to find them is to follow the only bright red line in a street that is exclusively green-brown otherwise, and then enter their super secret password, which is "password"

They are then, like every other faction, absolutely willing to trust you, at face value, no questions asked, because have to actually do something or require a skill check might make this hard for people under the age of 12 to play. Then you go do whatever fuckin shit you do, I stopped playing at this point, and then you find out your son is actually 60, you guys have a tearful, 10 sentence reunion, then he diesthe whole reason you were out here in the first place dies, and you react appropriately, which is to say you say his name really sadly, and then go back to mowing down raiders with reckless abandon

And then 76 gets released, bethesda drops all pretense of fallout still being an rpg. You want a story? Fuck you, pay up. Its retro future and thats all that makes falloutSatirizing war mongering? You can nuke things in this game and its totally fine, its actually the goal, because fallout has nukes in it right? Pay us 10 dollars and you get army olive drab spraypaint because hurrgh war is fun and great, wasnt that the tagline from the first game?The more i rant the more angry i am because people put their heart and soul into writing this. The lore and dialogue is actual work that someone researched and loved and felt proud of and now  it's becoming a hilariously meta parody of itself. 

Honestly FUCK bethesda and and fuck todd howard for his pisspoor cash grab. Not even worth calling it a video game anymore

[queandrue]

Interlude, Ea and Emin: Months

AN: Que and I did another fic together! This one is a companion to Interlude, Ea and Talnah: Months . Hope you like it! It took us a while, but it was fun to do! ~Rue

Word Count: 4505

Emin was absolutely ecstatic, giddy even. 

He’d been on the earring nonstop with Jacar and Claire ever since Talnah gave him the okay to break the news. 

Pregnant. 

Through some miracle the Raven Queen had allowed him to take a bit of time off for the occasion—unless an emergency came up. His coworkers even got him some balloons and a terribly cheesy card as congratulations. 

“I’m so happy for you Emin,” Jacar’s voice buzzed through the line, tired and worn from all the performing that he and Ea had been doing. “Tell Talnah I say congrats.”

“You can tell her yourself when you get up here J-Dog,” Emin said, “besides, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you and Claire. Gods when did we all get so busy not looking for our next meal?”

“Too long.” 

I can’t wait to see you— Oh!” Emin interrupted himself, “No telling Ea alright? Tal wants to tell her herself when she gets here.”

“Of course Emin,” Jacar sounded like he didn’t know whether to chuckle or grimace.  “She had to travel back home for… something anyway.”

“Really? What for?”

Emin had heard that Ea had come from somewhere and that was about the only information he’d gotten on the subject. That and a very nasty look from Ea when he asked. He was partially convinced at this point she had come from space. 

“Yeah, she didn’t say what for, but I couldn't tell her if I wanted to.” 

There was a long silence then, and Emin felt a little guilty for bringing it up. He and Talnah both knew that they’d have to cross this bridge eventually—he’d certainly suggested they just never mention it. Like one would from a very conservative grandmother, but Ea was his wife’s sister and he supposed that technically made them inlaws. 

Why couldn’t he have fucking normal inlaws?  

“Just be careful when you break the news to her…”

“Come on Jacar, don’t worry. The worst she could do is kill me.” 

*******

There was a flash of red and Emin’ back hit the mansion wall, bricks digging uncomfortably through his cloak, as a surprisingly strong arm held him in place by the throat. He blinked. Once. Twice. A third time—just for good measure. When his vision cleared, the stunned expression plastered on his face slowly melted into a cocky grin. 

"Well hello to you too Ea."

She just snarled in response, dark lips curling back to reveal impossibly sharp teeth. The horns that curled around her head cast threatening shadows across her face. He’d forgotten just how dangerous Ea could be when she wanted to. 

Emin knew Talnah had been worried about this—watched her pace around the home all day, tail twitching as she practiced what she was going to say to Ea.

All the oddly strained expressions fit so poorly on her face that it would have been cute had it been literally any other situation. Pale fingers fidgeted with her wedding ring, glancing to him for reassurance before repeating the cycle no matter how he consoled her.  

Of course he knew Ea would react terribly; he knew this, he just didn't care. 

She hadn't exactly been fond of him when he started getting cozy with Talnah in the beginning. And while they had gotten a bit closer over the years, all that progress seemed to have evaporated just a few seconds ago. 

He was foolish to believe that it would have changed anything. 

"Ea please…" 

Emin could hear the anxiety in Talnah's voice. The quick glance he caught of her face confirmed it. Robin looked more exasperated than anything. 

He couldn't blame her. 

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you alone with her," Ea's voice was a growl. 

His chest tightened up a bit despite himself. There was nothing to be afraid of; she wouldn’t dare maul him in front of Talnah….probably. 

“Now Ea—”

“Stuff it you cocky piece of shit.” 

The arm against his throat pressed closer.

Honestly, Emin thought this level of anger was a bit of an overkill. He had expected her to slap him, maybe twice— a good punch to the jaw even. Some amount of yelling about his inability to properly support any living creature other than himself (and even that was questionable at times, he’d admit).

But this even caught him a little off guard.

However, that didn't mean he wasn’t going to add fuel to the fire. 

"I guess you shouldn't have been slacking on guard duty three months ago," he sneered, as he gripped her wrist in his and alleviated some of the pressure with little effort. 

He took a little pride in being able to sneak around Ea in the Well House, and he was most certainly going to use that to get a rise out of her. He watched her lips curl back even farther as she actually gnashed her teeth at his neck. 

His smirk only widened, "But hey we got hitched so everything is just peachy now, right?"

Emin was honestly surprised no one really questioned them with how fast they put things together. Then again they had some “divine help,” Talnah's wealthy family— and it was Talnah. If there was one thing he knew about his wife, it was that she was a hopeless romantic and would definitely have wanted to say her vows ASAP regardless of their current situation.

It only made Ea's glare harden, “Does this seem peachy to you?”

Her eyes had actually begun to glow disconcertingly and Emin was fully prepared to have his life source snatched from him at that moment.

But there was one thing standing between Ea and ripping his throat out. 

"Ea please," Talnah's voice was pleading this time as her hand laid on Ea's shoulder, "Why don't you come inside?”

Ea grunted again and made no move to release him.

“I can make you some tea? Maybe some snacks too, you must be hungry."  

"Even if you're not I am." Robin huffed and grabbed Ea by the braids, dragging her across the lawn. "She won't let us touch anything until you come inside, so you can save Emin's murder for another day." 

Ea yanked her hair out of Robins hand and stared hard into her sister’s dark eyes. Talnah placed a small hand on her shoulder and Emin watched as their silent conversation unfolded. It always creeped him out when they did that. 

It was sudden, the shift in Ea’s stance, her shoulders slumped and with one last look thrown Emin's way, she turned and walked towards the mansion. 

Talnah let out a sigh of relief, gesturing for Robin to go ahead of her, then she turned to Emin. 

“Please try to stay out of trouble with Ea,” she asked softly.

Gods he wished he could promise her he would. 

*******

Emin had decided to go out with Jacar and Claire to do some celebrating and to catch up. He invited Talnah to come with them, but she declined saying she had some paperwork her parents needed her to look over. They were preparing her to take over Moonbright soon.

Whatever soon meant. 

Talnah told them all to have fun and to call her if they needed anything. She also assured Emin that Ea would be keeping her company while she worked, so she wouldn’t get lonely. 

The nice thing about living in a fancy town was the fancy pubs, and that's where having inlaws with money was also helpful. Of course he didn’t use a lot, just enough to have some fun. 

“So, did Ea give you hell or did she let this one slide?” Claire asked, her mug clanging against the counter.

Emin finished off what little was left in his own cup. He felt fantastic. The ale made his insides all warm and fuzzy, plus the added perk of having friends around to keep pouring him more was always a welcomed feeling. 

“Eh, you know how it goes— shetriedtokillme-- the usual,” he shrugged leaning against the counter. “You’re lucky she has a soft spot for you J-Dog. No one’s gonna fuck with you ever again.”  

“Do people usually?” Jacar asked, nearly toppling off the stool-- which he totally didn’t have to climb onto—as he rose to get another round.

“You do have a tendency to make innkeepers irrationally angry with your presence alone,” Emin replied cheekily. 

“I think you’re talking about yourself again.”

Claire chuckled, “When is he ever not?”

“Good point,” Jacar quipped as he passed around the newly full mugs, “but you’re right, I’d be lost without her. Did I tell you about this new piece she’s working on? It’s an epic in song form about all of our adventures but written as a fairytale, I’ve said she should have it published—”

The alcohol was clouding his brain and made it hard to pay attention, so he let his mind wander for a bit as Jacar prattled on.      

He’d never tell her this, but Emin was glad Jacar had Ea. It helped him rest a bit easier at night knowing there was something willing to rip out any number of throats to protect him, and the fact that she always made Jacar a very happy man was a bonus as well. 

They stayed in the pub for a few hours longer. Emin listened as Claire talked about Sembia and Jacar continued to gush about his travels with Ea and their songs. All the while, he thought about how he couldn’t wait for his kid to experience it all. 

They’d go to Jacar’s performances, get to watch as his best friend and Ea danced around on the stage, tiny flames dancing all over them their nimble fingers played fantastical duets. Who would have guessed a lute and a bagpipe could harmonize so well together. 

And then they’d visit Claire in Sembia for snowball fights, complete with forts and special enchantments to keep them warm so the game could last as long as possible. 

His kid was going to have the best life.

They already had the best dad, and then who didn’t want a wide array of questionably related aunts and uncles on the side!

Jacar, Emin, and Claire— all at varying degrees of intoxication—helped each other wander back to the Vellaam estate. Technically his estate now, Emin supposed. 

Well, he wasn’t getting used to that any time soon. 

It seemed that just yesterday he was working as a waiter in big manors like that, trying to scrounge together enough tips to maybe get a room for the night. And now—now he was some noble’s husband. 

Well, not just any noble. 

After saying his ‘good nights' and ‘I love yous,’ Emin slipped into his room.

“Hey Princess! You gotta hear this joke Jacar just told me. It—”

Emin stopped abruptly as Talnah turned to face him. She had tears in her eyes, leaving soft tracks down her cheeks. He made his way over to her and wiped some of them away. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

Talnah’s gaze drifted to the side, “Just something Ea said earlier…” she trailed off, obviously trying to hide her turmoil and failing miserably. “I didn’t think she would be happy for me, but I never expected this …” she said.

Then those big yellow eyes looked up at him like twin harvest moons and he felt a pang deep in his chest.

 “I feel like there’s this rift between us now and I don’t know how to fix it,” she wrung her hands nervously.  “I just wanted us all to be together again, but we’re now it’s like stepping on eggshells any time we talk.”

“Tal, I’m—”he began but stopped when she looked back down at the floor.

“What do I do?” she whispered softly.Emin wrapped his arms around Talnah and held her tightly. She nuzzled into his shoulder and sniffled. 

 “Hey, everything’s gonna be okay.” She grumbled, evidently unconvinced so he continued, “Ea loves you, like really loves you. I mean to the extent that it kinda weirds me out sometimes—” he was cut off by horn gently poking him in the face and the best glare Talnah could manage. 

“Okay, okay, but really, the stuff you went through together? There’s no coming out of that without a serious kind of bond.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” She mumbled into his shirt.

“And our kid is gonna be so kick ass that even Ea won’t be able to deny it,” that earned him a laugh and he smiled at the sound, “It’s all gonna work out, alright?”

Emin pulled away and wiggled his ears, causing the large collection of earrings to jingle like bells on Candles Night. Talnah let out another giggle and finally smiled up at him once again.

 He reached for her necklace, twisting the beads between his fingers, “Just call me the next time you need me, alright Tally?”

If this was the game Ea wanted to play, then he’d give her hell right back.

*******

“You should be keeping a closer eye on your wife,” Ea said, as she passed Emin. 

He stopped and turned to look at her. 

What was she talking about? Was something wrong?

“Is she alright?” Emin crossed the short distance between them and grabbed Ea’s shoulders,“Did something bad happen?”

Anything could happen at any moment. 

It didn’t help that he started noticing little things: fatigue, lack of energy and appetite—all normal, he was assured, but it was hard to see Talnah so drained and pale. 

Ea shook her head and leaned against the wall, “I caught her in the nursery again, casting spells all over the place, moving furniture...” 

He gave her a confused look and she huffed, clearly annoyed, “Listen I get you’re not a midwife, but pregnant women can’t do that shit.”

Emin glared, “Talnah’s been worn out recently but it’s not like I’m going to lock her in her room or something—” 

“No, you dumbass!” Ea yanked hard on one of his ears and yelled into it, “Strenuous work can hurt the baby!”

He pulled out of her grasp, “What?!” 

“Yeah, so I’d go in there and explain it to her cause she’s too anxious to listen to me or Robin.”

Ea shoved him in the direction of the baby’s room and he relented, turning his head over his shoulder, “How the hell do you know all this?”

“This isn’t my first rodeo, cowboy…” she mumbled and gave one last harsh shove before rushing down the opposite end of the hall. 

“Ea! What does that even mean?!”

She stopped, peaked around the corner of the next hall. He golden eyes glowed eerily in the dim light making her look even fucking creepier. 

“I’ve done this before, how could I be more clear?”

“When??” The elf cocked his head and his brow furrowed in confusion. What the fuck was she talking about? He regretted asking when she pulled her head back behind the wall, “Ea!” 

She peered at him again,“We have ... traditions back where I’m from that could help.” 

“Where are you from again?” He didn’t trust the expression on her face, mischievous and degrading at the same time. 

“None of your business,” she spat, then a grin crossed her face, “Gods I can’t imagine you being a dad.”

There was something about her words that rubbed him the wrong way. His mouth twitched a bit, “What do you mean by that?”

“Do you seriously think you’ve got what it takes? Maybe you should have thought about the implications of your work and general emotional state before getting into this mess.”

“It’s not a mess.”

“Oh really? You don’t know anything about childbirth, I can only assume you know nothing about children, never mind the responsibilities that go into being a noble,” Ea was slowly approaching from the end of the hall, sharp, white teeth bared, “and what happens when those earrings start going off day and night again? Is Talnah going to raise the little shit on her own, ‘cause you were barely here before—”

“I might be new to this but that doesn’t give you the right to—” He advanced on her too, actual rage coursing through him now, but she interrupted, unphased.  

“If anything happens to her it’s your fault Emin, and you know that.”

“Well nothing is gonna happen!” He shouted, toe to toe with her now, “Then we’ll have an awesome kid and you’re just going to have to deal with it! Maybe you’re just jealous Ea! Jealous that we’re happy—that I make her happy!” 

Ea stared up at him, face blank. He opened his mouth again, but a small hand gripped his shoulder.  Emin whipped around, still fueled by the heated conversation only to find a frightened looking maid. behind him.

“Sir, please, lower your voice,” she said softly. “You’re disturbing Lady Vellaam.” 

Ea shook her head and nudged him towards the nursery again before stalking back down the hall. 

Emin couldn’t help but feel guilt start to eat away at his stomach. He nodded towards the maid and started walking away. 

“I’m going to be the best dad,” he whispered to himself before pushing open the door.

*******

To say Emin was pissed would have been an understatement.

To say he was only mildly surprised would not have been. 

Apparently those traditions Ea had spoken of were, for the most part, strange, violent, dangerous, or some combination of the three (although some of the calming tea’s Robin had helped her make were quite effective). 

Honestly, Emin also couldn’t help but feel hurt. Even if Ea wasn’t happy about the kid, he didn’t think she’d put it all on Tal. 

He’d talked to Robin about it. Emin didn’t talk to Robin often, but he figured this could be an opportunity for him to talk to his wife’s other sister.

Especially since she seemed to also be a little miffed about the situation. He didn’t want to drink. All he could do was rub his temples and growl about his frustrations. 

"I mean, it is Ea. She's never exactly been nurturing," Robin shrugged. Even though she was giving reasons in Ea's favor—somewhat—she seemed tired.

"But to go this far?" Emin grumbled, lifting his head from his hands, "Come on Robin, I know she doesn't give a rat's ass about me, but Talnah? It's Talnah's kid too, and she's over the moon! Why can't Ea just let this  be?"

"To be honest, I think she’s reacting as well as anyone could have expected, but I don't disagree with you…" Robin said softly. Her eyes darted towards the floor, "It isn't fair to Talnah, not to mention annoying for everyone else."

Emin nodded and rubbed his eyes. He was just upset and tired and, frankly, done with Ea's shit. His wife had the patience of a saint. He didn't know how Talnah did it without constantly wanting to throw her from the roof. 

“Emin,” Robin snapped her fingers in front of his face.

“Sorry, I was fuming.”

She nodded and leveled him with a look, “She might be going about this the wrong way, but Ea does have a point.”

He gaped at her, “What?”

“Obviously neither you nor Talnah actually thought this through,” Robin tugged at the intricate braids in her hair, “Ea’s right, it was kind of irresponsible and you should make sure you’re actually prepared to give up the life you had before.”  

Emin sighed, “It’s easy to forget, but I’ve been around for longer than you can comprehend.” He stood, leaving Robin on the garden bench and walked back towards the manor, “I know what I’m doing.”

******

He knew it was taking a long time to decide on a name, but when Talnah told him she’d already found one, Emin couldn’t help but be a little hurt. 

Especially after he’d found out who chose it. 

“So you named him.”

Ea seemed a little surprised by the elf’s presence. It was late, and they were probably the only two up right now. Slowly, the tiefling nodded, “Talnah asked me if I knew any names. I just gave her the first one that came to mind… didn’t think she’d actually want to use it.”

“Cascius…” Talnah said it was the name her parents had given their biological son. 

Ea nodded and he stared at her blank expression before speaking again, “What does it mean?”

There was silence for a while. Despite Ea’s cool exterior, Emin could tell she was quickly trying to decide on what to tell him. 

The only question was if he’d get the truth.

She shrugged after a moment, “No idea, it’s just a name.”

Liar. 

But then again, Emin had never really been fully honest with Ea either. He wondered idly, who had more to hide.

“Well if you ever find out, let me know.”

 Emin turned his back on her and contemplated the name again. It did roll off the tongue nicely and Talnah seems attached to it. Maybe it was because it was her brother’s old name, or maybe she was just happy Ea had willingly participated in their child’s life in some way. 

Names were powerful. And with the little he knew about Ea, she did seem like the sort to have a knack for naming. 

*******

Ea was muttering something about a goat. 

Strangely enough, that was what stuck with him through all the chaos. 

Gods would she never shut up?

Robin was currently doing her very best to keep him and Ea as far apart as possible, whipping her ankles with thorny brambles anytime she said something instigatory.

He made a mental note to thank her profusely after this was all over. There was little doubt that either he or Ea would start something if they got too close.

He was worried. 

He was stressed. 

He was afraid. 

Completely frozen, all he could do was sit uselessly and hold Talnah’s hand while she shrieked into his ear.

Then, before he knew it, a cleric was placing a small squirming ball in his arms. The ball made tiny grunts and coos and the softest whimpers. 

Everything he did was so... tiny. 

“Mister Vellaam, can you hold him while I check over a few things?”

Emind nodded. It was all he could do as the cleric started their work. 

Big yellow eyes looked up at him. 

“Hey little guy,” he chuckled, finally finding his voice, “Woooooah look at your ears! They’re huge! And you have your Mama’s eyes… Just… I…. Look at you.” 

He was even better than Emin could have ever imagined him being. In all of his years and millenia of being alive, Emin had never felt anything quite like this. 

When the cleric stepped back and wiped their hands, he approached Talnah, placing the infant in her open arms. 

He wondered if Ea was holding her breath too…

“He’s perfect, oh he’s more than perfect,” Talnah sniffled. “Hello my little Cascius, hello.” 

“I guess I should say ‘welcome to being a dad’ Emin,” Robin said punching his shoulder. 

His chest swelled as he leaned closer. He was a dad. He could feel the tears pricking at his own eyes as he reached for Cascius’ tiny hand. Everyone else parading over just seemed to disappear, even Jacar’s voice seemed like a distant sound. As far as he was concerned, it was just the three of them. 

He didn’t notice that Ea had slipped from the room.

*******

The night air seemed sweeter than usual. 

Emin decided it was probably the euphoria running through his veins. He’d been told to leave Talnah alone for a bit by some of the midwives, figuring that both she and Cas were exhausted and needed rest. 

So here he was on the balcony drink in hand and the bottle close by. There wasn’t anything wrong with a little private celebration.

He had just taken another sip when he heard the balcony door open.

“I wondered where you ran off to,” Ea’s gruff voice cut the night air like a knife, “You weren’t with them.”

“You went to check?”

Nothing.

There was something unspoken in the air, it felt dangerous. Emin had been around long enough that he knew it was better not to ask, he did anyway,“Was she still awake? Did she talk to you?”

“Yes…to both.”

“Aaaaaand?”

Silence.

“You’re drunk.”

“Not yet.”

More silence.

Emin took another sip, “But if you want to believe I won’t remember what you say next, be my guest.” 

He couldn’t help but grin as he saw Ea stand next to him and snatch the bottle. He could always get more.

She took a long drink before speaking.

“I can be his aunt, but I won’t be a good one,” she mumbled, and smacked him on the back of the head when she saw his smug smile. 

Emin thought about her words for a moment, he hadn’t really expected anything less of Ea, so he shouldn’t be surprised. 

“Did you see his feet?” he asked.

“Why would I care about his creepy little feet?”

 He shrugged, “Tal said you mentioned something weird about having normal feet. Is it one of your things from home or—”

“Yeah,” Ea responded abruptly, her gaze transfixed on something far beyond anything he could see, “I noticed.” 

Then she went silent again. Emin didn’t push the matter, there was a lot he didn’t understand about Ea or her past. He wondered if he’d said something he shouldn’t have, but continued to sip at his drink. She never said much to him anyway, but when she did it was usually shocking. 

“Do you want to remember us?”

Emin sputtered on his drink, “Excuse me?”

“Do you want to remember us?” Ea’s voice was cool and even, eyes boring into Emin’s soul, “All of us will die before you, so will you want to remember us after we’re all gone, or will choose to forget?.”

Silence prevailed once more. Emin swirled his drink slowly, staring into the liquid as if looking for answers in the cup. 

“Well maybe you,” Emin’s voice came out playful, a smirk gracing his lips, “But all of this? Yeah. I think it’d be worth remembering for the rest of my life. My son, Talnah, Jacar, Claire, Robin,  Phryn and K’Thriss, Sildar, Korv, hell—even you are the closest thing I’ve ever had to a family ever. No one would want to forget how that feels.”

Turning his head, Emin searched Ea’s expression for any little clue to her thoughts. She was steadfastly expressionless, but she couldn’t quite hide the twitch of her lips into a small smile 

Emin grinned back at her and raised his glass.

“To new adventures?”

“Eh, it’s a reason to drink.”

The silence prevailed as they toasted the future and stared up at the night sky. It was soon broken by Robin and Jacar pounding out on the balcony, angrily declaring that he always left the humans out when drinking. 

So the four of them drank, and laughed, and loved, and everything was finally okay.

[quackspot]

ok ok ok o k so its like 4:33 am y’know so that means i talk about fire spirit because thats normal and i totally didnt mean to sleep around 3 o-o 

but liek uh h h lemme think a bit ok so

from the start before he was a spirit (its in my beliefs that he traded his past life for that sexy little bead) he wanted to be STRONG and powerful so fire spirit skidaddled over to the red dragon and BOOM it woketh or maybe he was already a fiery cookie and he burnded the red dragons nose hairs who knows! maybe he just likes to visit every few years and thats why he was expecting a bigger welcome back party 

so like hes growing weaker right? yeah hes kinda alternating between “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I NEED POWER” and “AAAAAAAAAAAAA I HAVE POWER AHAHAHAHA” and he doesnt like that he’d much rather just be him or more powerful because fuckin YEHA POWER 

so this story ends two ways. fire spirit trying to get his powers back and failing (dustyass lord of ass who looks pretty nice frankly i like the colors a lot to be honest but thats just becuase devsis is making me emosexual. it started with crescent moonlight then fire spirit idk about night raven for sure but oh well)

OR 

dark enchantress. hes like “hurr dburr doesnt corruption make you stronger in a way” and ends up getting “corrupted” but instead since hes already so chaotic neutral he only gets stronger (i stole this from another post i probably reblogged) like the person i rb’d mentioned the horn thing that tommy who is big love de mentioned to because tommy loves dark enchantress and thats about all i know about tommy they also love wasabi and its understandable

im not gonna rant and talk about my internet life so ANYWYAS

fire spirit keeps the same runes yeah? so . yeehaw? idk what to make of that i just thought it was interesting how theyre basically all the same. 

frankly dustyass edgelord is my favorite of the two costumes and im glad i had 15,280 guild coins saved up but now im too broke for the jelly set o-o 

do we even get any fire spirit lore or are we watching him almost die in the event 

oh well i guess BUT fire spirit is really prtty in all his forms the least favorite of mine is god of flame but i still love it of course but really could be better. like. yeah thats a lot of fire and i cant handle the heat and its pretty but its bright and im kinda edgy o-o 

so that explains my preference plus im broke on the internet money i have 20 dollars irl might ask my grandma if she can help me buy fire spirit costume 

almost crying every time i see edgy ass his wings have a little capelike thing and its kinda holey and its beautiful and edgy i should edit him with vampire and he also looks sorta confident

so like hes kinda serious in lord of ash BUT hes also still somewhat him y’know? yeah you do

oh my god i just ghouth of big funny

so picture youre dark enchantress, right? off to go corrupt another legendary! BUT 

you cast ur diddly dark magic and....

FIRE SPIRIT LOOKS MORE PURIFIED THAN ANYTHIGN... chaotic good lord of flames  . 

fire spirit is pretty much chaotic neutral all around besides in lord of flames nothing can stop him o-o fdkljsuadiSKJIOFKLSKL JKLFS JKLFJKL SJKLFFJKLSKJL 

OK SO I HAVE COOKIE RUN OPEN RIGHT I KNOW THIS ISN T THE RIGHT TIME BUT HE LEGIT WAS LIKE “finders, keepers! ahaha!”  I LOVE HIM 

god im excited for tomorrow im getting a haircut and i MIGHT ask for the costume if i feel confident enough though i could get rejected.. . .. . 

dont fool around just chill out you might get REJECTED. .. . . .. . . 

OK BACK TO HTE FOCUS HOW THIS TIES IN WITH FIRE SPIRITS OVERALL STORY SO 

ok bear with me 

fire spirit wants to be powerful, of course. from the start. as not fire spirit yet maybe sweet potato but who knows besides himself and maybe devsis idk, he becomes fire spirit! trading off whatever the bored dragon wanted so fire could get stronger. 

also proof of fire spirit being a powerlover is very much in his relationships . knight and wind ! sea fairy’s is about his hair which is “fire” magic i suppose what kind of hair conditioner does he use

ANYWAYS

over time his flames are starting to go wild becuase of all this CORRUPTION in the cookie kingdom and around and its making his magic funky becuase thats just a random thought i just had like what if corruption messed with magic? imagine that. so hes alternating between too weak and too strong and he doesnt understand so he heads to dragons valley all like “heyo whats the answer” but nobodys there

i havent finished the event but hes basically just looting every dragon he’s ever known like what they left behind? his now 

maybe the dragons will come back home.... .. . . pl eas....... i miss them

anywhoodle 

the thing about two possible ends of fire spirit 

the first end is dark enchantress finding him then boom ur corruption only makes him chaotic good instead of chaotic evil 

(chaotic tends to not follow or give regards to law. chaotic good breaks the law for people, neutrals just do whatever they want for themselves, and chaotic evil goes out of their way to hurt others)

so like 

dark enchantress doesnt know how to take this, right? her magic failed her for once. fire spirit is going batshit crazy becuase hes like “WOAHAHAHAHAH HAHHAHH H H HH H H IM STILL SUPER STRONG :OOOO” and then he goes even MORE batshit crazy and maybe burns down a town or something becuase hes going wild from the power but then he calms down 

he’d probably be willing to do things for dark enchantress if it were a deal or something but lord of flames might not go all the way out to kill tree like what the fuck

ALSO

LORD OF ASHES is probably NOT AS WARM AS FIRE SPIRIT who is already somewhat huggable if ur not fuckin uhh water or ice or if u dont like being a little warm ANYWAYS LORD OF ASHES is HUGGABLE becuase being weak makes him cool down and so you can hug the edgelord (which i would totally do if he were real and not a cookie) 

i like to repeat myself a lot but its almost 5 am anywaysy uhhh im going to talk about his personality 

so hes like really energetic of course and very chaotic neutral he just do what he wana do hes like “finders keepers!” and he probably enjoys showing off his power to other cookies. praise makes him more happy than others and he has a very high ego that can only be doused by less power. the more powerful he is, the more egotistical he is. lord of flames is a fucking pain to be around if you dont wanna listen to him brag about accomplishments and thats the only reason he doesnt work for de 

lord of ashes is a downer and kinda sad but he still has a little bit of fire spirit in him hes basically just “you gotta die sometime” but hes not gonna die becuasei  wont allow it hes only allowed to die in a completely comedic way like he tries to hug wind and hten actual wind blows and he gets thanos snapped by the air and wind is like “OH FUCK OH SHIT” and all that’s left as a relic is his gem and wind archer tries to fix it and fails though who knows maybe hes night raven because in hte game night raven came before lord of ashes so???!? !?!? !? ?!? 

night raven walks up to lord of ashes “bitch im going to fucking kill you” then blows lightly and fires just like “oh noooo aww shit here we goooooooooooo again” and hes just a gem now 

maybe fire spirit causes the next mass extinction as lord of flames because hes like “DSKLJFS KLJ*(UJIORWKSFOR IEKANHWOI JSKFN IJDLASKSF IM SO POWERFUL AHAHAH HUAJKAKL JKLA JAH HA HAHL HAH AH HAH HAH HHAH AH HAHAH A *JUMPS INTO A VOLCANO AND BLOWS THE FUCKING WORLD UP*” 

[blessuswithblogs]

2018 Game of the Year Top Ten List I guess

2018 has been an interminable mire of exhausting miasma and quite frankly I feel like it has been longer than the entire stretch of 2010-2015 combined. I also didn't play many games released this year because, like last year, I'm still poor. I'll see what I can dig up.

10. Sunset Overdrive PC edition: It's a fun open world game by insomniac. The PC Port is actually balls but like. It's a good game with a unique emphasis on how you traverse the game world, where you can grind and bounce on just about anything and indeed to do so is the only way to not get totally chewed up by the hordes of mutants and scavengers and robots you have to fight. There's also some pretty fun and out there weapons to use, like a gun that shoots vinyl records or one that deploys little auto-turrets kept aloft with propellers or one that shoots out a bowling ball at terminal velocity. The base game didn't actually come out this year (I dont... think it did...?) but it was an XBone exclusive so I didn't play it then. It's got some weird problems with narrative tone and some kind of out of the blue racism but the M rated Nickolodeon toy commercial aesthetic is charming in a weird way. I guess.

9. The Forest: I think this got an official release this year? I don't know I can't fucking keep track. Speaking of a game with weird problems with racism, if you can look past the garbage "main quest" and really deeply uncomfortable racial politics where you murder and steal from cannibal mutants, The Forest is probably the best cool treefort building simulator I've ever played. This game has a love affair with lumber and I respect that. Shouldn't you be looking for Timmy, you ask me? Shouldn't you be shutting the fuck up before I put this airplane axe in your skullmeats? Gazebos are nice. I guess.

8. Spyro: reignited trilogy: haven't actually played this yet but let's be real the spyro games were fucking dope back in the day and giving them an HD coat of paint and packaging them all together is a real standup thing for insomniac to do in between slinging webs and making questionable pc ports. Also its like Dark Souls so it has to be good, right? Everything old is new again. I guess.

7. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: haven't played this one either but like. I know that I am a smash-enjoyer. I even liked Brawl. This is the biggest, smashiest one yet and it's also on the switch which means it could also be portable if I decided I never wanted to leave my bed again. I'm probably going to find some money to get it soon. Should be fun. I guess.

6. The Quiet Man: look no game that is THIS hysterical can be all bad alright? Didn't play it. Won't play it. It's awful. But it's so fucking funny like oh my god. Still better than Fallout 76. I guess.

5. Dark Souls Remastered: was this even a good remaster? I don't fucking know. It's Dark Souls. It's better than 90% of released games by default. I miss Solaire of Astora. I guess there's Shadows Die Twice to look forward to. I guess.

4. Subnautica: I wrote a lot about this actually. Subnautica is great. Just fantastic. A wonderful, visually stunning (mostly) (when it works) journey under an alien ocean to unravel an ancient mystery behind a deadly plague. Building seabases is so much fun (when it doesn't hard crash your computer) and the peaceful playstyle you adopt where you really only kill things for food until you can grow your own, much more efficient produce is a welcome change of pace from everything else. Leviathans are scary, especially now that your cyclops is mortal and not indestructible. This game actually Came Out this year so it deserves to be on the spot. I guess.

3. Dragon Ball Fighterz: Honestly I'm hell trash garbage at fighting games that aren't smash but this was a very well put together, visually impressive as all hell fast paced tag fighter where you can have 3 gokus on the same team fight 3 other gokus on the same team. Goku density alone makes this game worth recommending. The eSports scene that has popped up around it is fun too. I guess.

2. Dead Cells: Another game that gets to be on the list by virtue of it actually coming out this year. Wait, was this on last year's list? Let me check. Ok good it wasn't. Early access is a fucking trip. It's fun, stylish, challenging, has a great deal of variety in ways to play, might have erased my entire save because it became obsolete and I'm definitely not bitter, and it has that classic rogue-lite replay value to give you some bang for your buck. There was that one review plagiarism scandal. I guess.

1. Monster Hunter World: If you really want to know what I think of this game my previous piece on it is a good place to start. In addition to everything said there, MHW is just a fun game. The loop is satisfying and, later on, quite challenging. The combat system takes some genuine getting used to and some monsters like Nergigante actually literally cheat but for the most part the game's unique fighting style, spread across several unique weapon types, is rewarding to learn because it demands some effort be put into it and the dividends of fighting well are very cool, like just knocking a flying monster on its ass with a single mighty swing of the hammer. When a game is hard in any capacity games journalists get dollar signs in their eyes and start drooling uncontrollably because they can immediately declare that Farm Sim 2020 is the next Bloodborne because they somehow managed to roll their tractor into a ditch, but MHW is actually quite similar in style and execution to deliberate Souls combat, but the comparison is made in reverse. Dark Souls is quite similar to Monster Hunter, the first game of which was popular and a couple of years old before Demon's Souls was even a twinkle in Miyazaki's eye. There's a lot of parallels between fighting a big ol' rathalos in monhun and going for the toes against a dragon in Dark Souls, but I think MHW actually does that kind of fight better.  There are a lot of modern conveniences present in MHW that are a godsend to newer players, making the game pretty easy to get into if you're willing to try. It was my favorite game of the year that actually came out in 2018. I kind of wanted to put Warframe in this list but it's been out of early access for years now. I guess.

There were a lot of games this year that I wanted to play, but couldn't. I don't think 2018 was a weak year for video games. It wasn't as strong as 2017 but it had some hits, I just couldn't afford to play them all. Maybe next year I'll be able to give a better list. I think that the whole industry is in for some hard choices and major restructuring of how things get done and how they look at the end result. Stocks continue to trend downward - not just for Bethesda but for most mainstream, prominent AAA developers like EA and Take2. Given the well documented volatility of "The Shareholders", I imagine that they would be most displeased by downward trends even if they were still making a modest profit.

The situation has been likened to an economic bubble ripe for bursting. Games as a cultural institution have come a long way since the catastrophic days of Atari's warehouses of unsold copies of E.T., and I don't believe that we're in any danger of a complete collapse of the institution, but the fact absolutely remains That Something's Gotta Give. The increasingly predatory practices that game developers put in place as they pathologically attempt to Make Every Money Ever are intrinsically unsustainable. People are willing to forgive and overlook the now ubiquitous microtransaction if a game is good enough to overlook it, or if it's the game's only real way of actually making money. Warframe's microtransactions, for instance, are reasonably priced, platinum is often heavily discounted as a login bonus, and you can make large amounts of it without ever spending money thanks to the game's surprisingly robust trading economy. So. Yeah. They get a pass. Warframe is also good on its own merits, despite being free to play. They also listen to their community about pricing. Go check out Warframe. It's free. It's free!!! Warframe is my unofficial top spot.

Sorry I got a little bit distracted. So there's only really two instances where people will tolerate microtransactions and lootboxes in the contemporary sense: either a game is good enough and polished enough and the lootboxes are unobtrusive enough that you can just sort of shrug your shoulders and say "it sucks but what are you gonna do" or it genuinely relies on those microtransactions to support itself. When these tenets are violated, people WILL get mad. People raised absolute hell about Battlefront 2's scummy monetization schemes, enough to get EA to back off. Fallout 76 is getting lambasted in no small part due to its utterly overpriced "cosmetic" shop where you pay ten real dollars to get your power armor to look blue. You can buy fullfeatured, critically acclaimed games for half that price and you already dumped $60 on this lemon of a game. Destiny 2 got into hot water for being cagey about how its exp values were calculated and how the previously free and user-friendly shaders became one-time use items you could only get from rolling the dice. The public is getting positively irate about all of this nonsense, and if Fallout 76 (and evidently battlefield V?) is any indication, we are fast approaching a breaking point where shareholder demand for profit will outpace the consumer's ability to provide it and the developer's ability to skinner box it out of us.

Of course Nintendo continues to march on to the beat of its own drum seemingly unaffected by all of this garbage. Not out of any moral superiority, I imagine. More likely it's just a consequence of that company still being in the process of being dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century. Maybe a few years down the line when everyboy else has abandoned microtransactions Nintendo will pick them up, put a cute Mario motif on it, and we'll be back to square one. Time will tell. We're in a volatile time for games and the timebomb keeps ticking. I just hope the explosion isn't too messy. I guess.

[destiny-smasher]

Incoming rant from my Twitter.

I find it hilarious when people get all huffy and mad that people compare Legend of Korra to Avatar: The Last Airbender. Like. The fuck you think's gonna happen when you make a direct sequel to a thing?

Like when people were getting upset when you compared Before the Storm to Life is Strange. Hello? That's what they wanted you to do? You don't get to milk the POSITIVES of being directly tied to something else and magically dodge all NEGATIVES.

On the upside, LoK had noticeably better music and animation/art, on average. But the writing was generally worse. Sometimes MUCH worse. Distractingly worse. And when your medium KINDA hinges on storytelling more than anything? Writing is kind of important.

If a new Mario platformer came out and it had higher production values than any Mario game before it but just...kinda played like garbage, of COURSE people would draw comparisons, and of course a number of folks would not like it.

Actually, isn't this what people did with Skyward Sword? I actually enjoyed that game but I don't at all fault people for shitting on it because I can recognize those complaints as valid? Not liking a thing and expressing that doesn't inherently make someone an "asshole." 

I enjoy Taco Bell. You could shit on Taco Bell, point out how unhealthy it is, how lazily and cheaply made it is, and I couldn't fault you for that. That's fair. I will still eat it and enjoy it. But it's also not bad for folks to be self-aware of what isn't good for them.

If we never complained at ALL, ever, then nothing would get fixed. EA would continue to get away with shitty business practices. White actors would continue to get away with playing non-white characters. Writers would continue to get away with lazy, hurtful writing. Etc etc.

Media does not exist in a vacuum.

When it is poorly made, it can cause harm, just as it can cause good. Turning a blind eye to that harm is choosing ignorance.

You can enjoy things that are not perfect!

But things will not improve if we TREAT them like they ARE perfect.

That's why I complain so much about Legend of Korra. That's why I complain about Square's handling of Life is Strange. Because both of those series have done some good, but ALSO did a lot of unnecessary harm. Over-rewarding mediocre practices prevents things from improving.

Clap and applaud when steps are taken, but don't SETTLE for half-assedness. Don't celebrate it. Encourage things going in that direction, sure, but don't treat undercooked shit like it's a delicious filling meal when it actually causes some food poisoning.

And again, let me reiterate you can LOVE AND ENJOY THINGS that are not perfect. You can praise things that have problems. Just accept that those problems do exist instead of acting like anyone trying to improve things is just trying to be a jerk or something.

End of the day, it's all about intent and understanding. There will always be jerks on both side of any argument or debate or whatever, but that also means there's always good people with good intentions on both sides, too.

As examples of supporting things that HELP, definitely support the LoK comics if they are indeed giving proper representation and character development. Definitely support DontNod and Deck Nine alike for what good they did do for the gaming landscape (and I hope continue to do)

Also, it is a WHOLE separate topic what things Life is Strange and Legend of Korra have done which I think are harmful. The creators of Avatar only exacerbated those problems the further they got into LoK. And Square only exacerbated and multiplied those problems the more they've meddled with LiS. (bottom line is that lazy writing implies easy solutions to real life problems which are not easy, or at worse implies selfish, narrow-minded behavior is the way to go)

I love PriceField. I love Korra, the character. They have done good for me, as a human being. They have done good for others. And they could all have done even MORE good for even more people if some better care had been taken.

And I guess when it comes to big corporation with lots of money to spare on production values and marketing, I can't help but project a responsibility of sorts to the younger side of their audiences by proxy.

Being a creator on THAT LEVEL entails some responsibility.

If it didn't, people wouldn't be arguing about women and non-white characters/actors in Star Wars.

They wouldn't be raging about gay characters dying all the time.

But representation matters, which means the bigger your venue, the bigger your responsibility. (IMO)

And don’t be jerks to people who like a thing you don’t, or who don’t like a thing you do. By creating an “us” vs “them” dynamic, we only further prevent progress on all fronts.

[uniformbravo]

god free! is such a dumb goofy series i love it like shit gets real sometimes but when it comes down to it it’s just a bunch of dumb goofy teens living their lives together?? i have compiled a list of my favorite examples from s1

makoto: *enters haru’s house uninvited, walks right into the bathroom while haru’s in the bath, presumably naked* hey haru: ....................................hey LIKe he just.... Accepts that this is happening, theres like a solid like 2 seconds of him just staring at makoto like he’s debating within himself whether to Say It or not before almost tangibly going “fuck it” & just going along w/ it*

haru & makoto & nagisa going “is it really okay to dig up our old trophy if rin isn’t here? idk it just feels wrong w/o him” only to find out that rin not only beat them there but also fucking just went ahead and dug it up by himself hfjdkjgd

haru having some kind of sixth sense for sugar apparently??? when nagisa throws “salt” on them he like tenses up all dramatic & goes “this isnt salt........................ it’s sugar” like ok????? just gonna let that one go i guess

rin having sharp teeth for absolutely no fucking reason

haru & rin not noticing the fucking pool they're about to race in is empty????

haru straight up rejecting their encounter with rin & trying to convince himself they all hallucinated him like huh? what? rin?? haha impossible he’s in australia there’s no way he couldve been at the swim club last night. no theres no such thing as airplanes he’s gone forever. yes im sure

rin going back to the old swim club again bc the first time his melodramatic brooding was interrupted by those old elementary school Goons showing up so he needed a do-over

nagisa skinny dipping in samezuka’s pool??? an apparently prestigious competitive swimming powerhouse that trains up future professional gold medalists, reigning champions of interhigh swim meets near and far in that same water & nagisa just jumps the fuck in dick out no fucks to give whatsoever???? this bitch

haru literally only showing up to both the old swim club and samezuka academy for the pools, it’s literally the equivalent of college students showing up to any given event for free food (and the fact that they had to break in both times, these Rowdy-Ass Teens)

rin showing up just in time to interrupt their illicit pool activities bc he Sensed Them

haru wearing his swimsuit under his clothes literally everywhere despite reportedly not having actually swum since middle school (except for in the ocean during summer, but it’s like the middle of spring rn?? is he just doing this in way advanced preparation? is this the equivalent of people who start posting abt halloween in july)

gou showing up to haru’s house bc apparently she just Knows where he lives (also haru hearing the doorbell & immediately submerging his head in the bath bc he’d rather drown than have to answer the door #relatable)

rei calling haru “haru-chan-san” upon first meeting him bc “haru-chan” is what nagisa has been referring to him as so that’s his sole point of reference but he also has to add his own honorific too bc come on

haru being instantly pissed at this random new fuck for calling him not only -chan, his Least favorite honorific, but now -san on top of it too??? Outrageous (and this is the same guy who reportedly “hates water,” a completely unacceptable sentiment that should under no circumstances be allowed anywhere near their team in the first place- honestly from haru’s pov it’s like “oh so this is the guy who hates water huh, this hot shit” & then the hot shit’s all “you must be haru-chan-san” he probably just immediately sees red ghdjsjf)

nagisa’s whole “we need this guy bc he has a girly name just like us it’s fate” thing even tho rei’s already in the track club doing pole vaulting that he’s obviously been training v hard to be able to do is such a stupid anime bullshit motivation & my favorite part of it is that their plan for recruiting him basically amounts to the whole gang of idiots showing up to all of rei’s practices and staring at him intensely from the corner until he joins them, like,,,, think of this from rei’s perspective he’s just minding his own business trying to perfect pole vaulting & these fuckers have fixated on him for no apparent reason? he can’t even swim???

rei going so far out of his way to avoid admitting to nagisa that he can’t swim that he comes up with this bullshit philosophy about “humans evolved from the water so why would we regress and get back into it??? Checkmate y’all are fucking idiots now leave me alone” (& also the effort & passion he puts into the delivery, the overdramatic gesturing hfhhddjf rei are u sure u don’t actually belong in the drama club)

after all that, rei up and deciding to leave the track team (even tho he literally structured his daily schedule around it, went running in the mornings & everything, read books n shit) to join the swim club bc haru just looked really, really cool while swimming that one time

haru legitimately having a hard time choosing between like 5 of the exact same swim suit

when they’re trying to figure out why rei can’t swim & haru’s like “the water doesn’t like him” & nagisa’s immediately like “poor rei-chan :(” like hfkglfkj he just Accepts

rei being so frustrated with his inability to swim that he blames it on his speedo & is very convinced that buying a new one will somehow solve all of his problems (& everyone else just going along w/ it like ok i guess it’s time to go swimsuit shopping then)

haru, the owner of the previously mentioned 5 identical swimsuits, joining in with everyone else to go shopping for even more swimsuits, and picking out another one that looks just fucking like the other 5 he already has

nagisa being told that he can’t put their ugly-ass bird mascot on the swim team uniform so he puts “secret iwatobi-chan” on the back of the shirt that will be hidden beneath the jacket as if that’s not Blatantly what he was told not to do (also the fact that anyone entrusted the handling of the uniforms to nagisa, the exact kind of person who would do exactly that kind of thing)

(ok this one isnt rly goofy but haru just bit his ice cream & im so intimidated rn??)

rin’s fucking 6th sense for haru again???? “smells like mackerel”????? i truly cannot handle this one (haru & company are looking in at samezuka’s practice through the window & rin’s just like “HUH what the fuck is that who’s there i smell Mackerel” like????? oh my fucking god)

amakata “we don’t have enough money for a training camp” miho renting herself and gou a room at a lodge on the beach?????? power move

this goddamn show having a fun ~spooky~ haunted house adventure right after everyone almost fucking Died

haru’s story about his “first love” being about a fucking waterfall igmgkdjkg

rin jogging on the beach the next morning & stopping by the tents like “who r these fuckin dumbasses camping right on the shoreline” & then he turns around and there’s haru & his band of swimming idiots

rin waiting in the hallway at the interhigh in case haru comes by so he can casually get up & have a Cool And Dramatic confrontation w/ him where he brags how he’s gonna beat him in their upcoming race (which, even better, he purposely entered himself at a lower skill level to be able to do while probably his whole team went “uhhhh are u sure abt this lmao we’re kind of trying to be the best here” & hes just like “yeah yeah its fine it’s gonna be so fucking cool just wait”)

haru apparently also having a Rin Sense where he just Feels that rin is there, watching him about to swim (although now that i think about it that bright red hair is probably a fuckin beacon, i bet literally everyone looked over at him the second he stepped out of that doorway- that and the massive aura of Teen Angst surrounding him at all times)

the whole thing with nagisa & rei’s operation at the summer festival to keep haru from seeing rin? first of all is v cute but they get so into it fjdhgkdj fucking dumb cute kids playing secret detective mission texting each other Classified Intel about the location of their targets while also trying to hide it from haru & makoto (who eventually find out bc nagisa is literally the worst liar ever while also already being the most suspect little shit out of all of them by nature)

rei getting so caught up in the detective shit that he ends up following rin out of the festival entirely & into town where the purpose of his pursuit in the first place is irrelevant bc haru’s not gonna suddenly happen upon rin at the elementary school?? rei is such a nosy bitch i love him

rei being such a nosy bitch that he inadvertently fixes the emotional turmoil that has been building between rin & the others unresolved for years

rin texting gou to get rei’s number bc he needs to have a Serious and Dramatic conversation w/ him but he didnt have the chance to exchange contact info the last time they yelled at each other behind the school

rin sitting alone in samezuka’s bus bc they banned him from swimming for being too obsessed w/ haru & he needs somewhere to Sulk

rin finding some random tree outside the swim meet & being like “this reminds me of that tree from elementary school” bc hes a nostalgic bitch like that

haru being able to find rin bc he saw the same tree earlier and went “wait, rin’s a nostalgic bitch, i know Exactly where the fuck he went” & Sure Enough

iwatobi getting themselves disqualified bc they wanted to swim w/ rin in an official race like??? i know it’s an emotional & satisfying moment but miho chewing them out for it afterward is so fucking funny like objectively this team was doing rly well & then suddenly went “u know what, we do what we want, this red guy is ours now” & the judges went “hmm............... no”

in the v last episode when theyre all just sitting in a classroom w/ rin having him pretend to introduce himself as if he were a transfer student like theres absolutely no reason for this, theyre just goofing off together and reconnecting after having lost each other for so many years & it’s so dumb & heartwarming & the perfect way to close off the season & im crying i really do love this show i love these characters so much what a dumb cute goofy heartfelt show aaaaaa free is a treasure

*from the very 1st point: i know there r cultural differences to take into account where it’s probably not as big a deal for makoto to walk in on haru’s bath time in japan as it would be in like, america & the real issue haru takes w/ this happening is that his one little place of refuge in a world w/o water is being breached by this annoyingly persistent guy who not only interrupts his coping time but is actively trying to get him to leave it for “important” things like “going to school” and “not being late” & the extended pause is really him registering this unpleasant situation & trying to decide if it’s worth it to fight for his solitude, ultimately deciding it’s not worth the energy and begrudgingly accepting makoto’s outstretched hand, though he vocalizes his displeasure by rejecting his -chan bc no one who pulls him away from the water is someone he can call a friend, not even his like. actual friend. only friend. either one

anyway i love free bye

[brothermouzongaming]

Diversity and inclusion in games

This appears to be one of the more pointed topics in gaming recently. Titles like The Last of Us 2, Overwatch, Kingdom Come: Deliverance, Uncharted Lost Legacy, Deus Ex Mankind Divided, and most interestingly Battlefield 1 are all blockbuster titles that I do believe touch on diversity and it’s implementation. Some garnering negative attention, some not so much. It’s the implication of such things that can take a player out of the experience and even wreak havoc on the writing. I wanted to dive into some of these titles and discuss what they bring to the table when it comes to this discussion. 

First and foremost I want to take a look at the big ones on that list.

Kingdom Come: Deliverance-  This game caught a lot of flack before it was even released because of people with access to review/ influencer copies claiming the game to be racist. I heard this and my ears perked up, no people of color you say? Damn, that sucks it’s always nice to see people of various backgrounds and ethnicities existing outside of a stereotypical environment. Then I looked up the game and it’s setting... the game takes place in Scandinavia.... during the Holy Roman Empire...of course it was gonna be whiter than a Jimmy Buffet concert in the god damn Swiss Alps. This is so not the hill to die on. This (to me) is one of those instances where setting needs to be put first especially when making a super deep RPG. 

Battlefield 1- I’m gonna start with this and keep it short because I find it interesting that this is the case: Battlefield 1 was all male multiplayer avatars. No one said a word, I don’t even remember any sort of outcry outside of a VG24/7 article. Is it because there was a historically leaning tint to the entire delivery? Yes EA and Dice were clearly trying to tell a story in the historical setting of WW1. Even in saying that, the campaign episodes featured some of those female fighters that the article references. So it’s clear the inclusion of women might not be the real root of the problem yes? Especially when there was no controversy involving said missions. No incels blabbering on about the fems coming for their games. I’m sure there were some but nothing that found it’s way to the public eye. The calm nothingness that was Battlefield 1 is made even more confusing when discussing it’s follow-up title. 

Battlefield V- I would like to say I sit on neither side of the very large argument taking place around this game. I understand and hear both sides both as someone who would love representation in games, but also as a gamer that understands that there are certain times and places for this kind of thing especially when your game takes place at a point in real-world history. Again, not the hill to die on if you ask me. This boils down to nothing other than the obvious: money. EA doesn’t give a fuck about representation. EA doesn’t care whether or not this game is historically accurate. They want that montey hunteyyyy. Female avatars mean female specific customization options which means more microtransactions. This is a message for both sides because it’s true regardless: EA doesn’t care about how you feel no matter what side of the fence you’re on. Gamers who want realistic WW2 games, I’m sorry but what the hell did you expect from EA forreal tho. Feminists and people who overall want inclusion in games, this is the equivalent of Coke putting a little rainbow on their bottle in June. A MLK day sale at your local Toyota dealer.  They don’t care, they want your money. 

The Last of Us 2 has had some rumblings of discontent around it and again I get why because people love this franchise but I do believe it’s a little short-sighted. Anyone complaining about Ellie’s kiss didn’t play the dlc or doesn’t remember it. They were obviously gonna touch on that again. As far as the missing father figure, there are clearly details about Joel that Naughty Dog are concealing for us to find out (or for them to reveal later). It just goes to show there’s sensationalism on either side and that neither side really has anything to worry about. 

“Wait Chayton why is Overwatch here?” Because Overwatch is one of the games that prove that inclusion and diversity are perfectly acceptable in gaming. So long as it’s not ham-handedly shoved down player’s throats for no other reason than profits and politics. No one says a word about any of the characters and each is loved both by their own fans and as the player base due to everyone’s overall importance within the world, gameplay, and lore. 

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided is one of the most diverse games I’ve ever played. Future Prague is rich and lived in (almost too much in some cases) and the world as a whole is teeming with all kinds of people to meet and help or harm. Again not a word from the gaming community. Why? Because it was really well implemented and made sense within the world. I’d even go so far to say that it can evoke a real emotion when you see these masses of people of all backgrounds being oppressed for no real reason. 

Female representation does need a boost, that is true and without a doubt. I will say though it’s never looked better. Uncharted Lost Legacy, NieR: Automata (which literally turns the video game partner trope on it’s head), Tomb Raider and it’s massive return to the forefront of gaming is clear proof that not only can it be done but it can be done well and have it mean something and not just be fan service. Hellblade Senua’s Sacrifice and Horizon Zero Dawn are works of art through and through. These games are out there, not in mass, but if you ask me the shift is already happening and games like the ones above make me excited for it. Hell, gaming’s history features many amazing and interesting female protagonists Jade Beyond Good and Evil, Joanna Dark Perfect Dark, Samus Aran Metroid, Clementine The Walking Dead, most of the Warframes in Warframe all of which are phenomenally designed, Faith Connors Mirror’s Edge, and Heather Mason of Silent Hill. I understand that list may be overkill but it’s to prove a point. There is a litany of female characters and they are only going to become more and more prominent. I just hope we don’t all go mad over video games. They’re meant to be enjoyed, people. In the end, I hope that everyone listens to each other a little less in the sense that we don’t take each other's opinions and ideas so to heart. Especially when companies work on their own volition and to gain money. So if you don’t like a game or it’s stance, don’t purchase it. I think the “solution” if you can even call it that, is the fact that character personalization is finding it’s way into every game nowadays. Allowing us to put ourselves in the games or some horrifying monstrosity of a person for our comedic enjoyment.

Besides, can you even name a black protagonist outside of Clementine ;) Oh! My dude from Prototype 2. 

All in time. 

[traitor-boyfriend]

I just read your post about Stan and Kyle's relationship and I totally agree, but I was wondering if you might elaborate on what you mean when you said Kyle acts as a moral/ethical guide for Stan? I'm not disagreeing but I'd love to hear you talk more about it

sure!

kyle is obviously the most morally fixated of the four boys and i would say after about season four or so is when they really began to take this direction with his character. whenever something transpires within the group, kyle is almost always the first to disagree w whatever plot they (’they’ almost always meaning cartman) start brainstorming to keep themselves from getting into trouble, that they should instead own up to their mistakes and take responsibility and suffer the consequences that come along w it. rarely if ever does anyone actually listen to kyle and he’s cajoled into complicity but that doesn’t stop him from offering his disapproval at every turn in the name of wanting to do the right thing. the best example of this is ‘toilet paper’ where they tp their art teacher’s house for making them stay late; kenny and stan are immediately on board when cartman suggests it but kyle is uncomfortable w the idea entirely, and after it’s done he’s racked w guilt and is seen as the weakest link in all of them b/c of his compulsion to tell the truth. we get to see kyle struggling w guilt pretty often and the apex of it is usually when some outside force is preventing or coercing him from coming clean about whatever it is he’s done. though stan and kyle both shared the whole ‘gay little speech’ element in the very beginning, it’s pretty much been exclusive to kyle for the majority of the series -- kyle is the one to always explain what they learned at the end of the episode, to tie together the moral lesson you’re supposed to take away from it

because he’s a kid, kyle can occasionally be swayed out of his conviction if the consequences are great enough for him to be afraid of (this tends to be his mom). when butters’ gets the ninja star stuck in his eye in ‘good times with weapons’, kyle initially panics and agrees with cartman’s idea to kill butters and bury him in kyle’s backyard b/c he’s so petrified by the idea of his mother finding out what he was doing. but even then his moral center comes back around, even if he doesn’t follow through; he protests the idea of taking butters to a vet instead of a hospital and later tries to get rid of his ninja weapon and instead confess to what happened. in ‘crack baby athletic association’ kyle is outraged and disgusted by what he sees as cartman exploiting the babies born addicted to narcotics and wants to expose him, but he changes his tune after learning how much money cartman is making. so he eventually joins cartman but justifies it to himself as taking care of these babies, giving them opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise get, raising awareness, etc -- even though he’s in the wrong, kyle tries to view his actions through a benevolent lens in that what he’s doing -is- the right thing; that’s why it bothers him so much when stan tells him he sounds just like cartman. stan is seeing both of their actions clearly in the same vein, but in kyle’s mind, he’s incapable of conceiving himself being in anyway like cartman and has to further delude himself into seeing the positives of his actions. he goes as far as showing up in stan’s bedroom in the middle of the night to legitimize his actions, both to himself and to stan, because stan’s opinion of him matters so much that kyle can’t move past it unless he’s able to convince stan that he’s in the right. to his credit, kyle does try to rectify his actions with the ea sports deal and building an orphanage and whatnot. two wrongs don’t make a right, but that won’t stop kyle from trying.

basically i’m just trying to fully highlight the extent of kyle’s dedication to being honest, being kind, being a good person etc. it matters a lot to him and it’s also touched on briefly now and then w regards to his being jewish -- that being a good person is important if not only for the sake of being a good person.

it’s not that stan isn’t concerned w being a good person or doing the right thing, but he has more of a selfish or self-centered impulse than kyle does. stan cares a great deal more than kyle of what people think of him and is more desperate to be accepted or liked by his peers, so he’s often subservient to the whims of passing trends and fads or following the crowd. this is a debatable point but i also think because of this stan is generally more prone to blatant egotism than kyle -- when he leads some kind of superficial crusade (’butterballs’, ‘scause for applause’, ‘bass to mouth’), it’s pretty plainly about himself and his own feelings whereas when kyle gets wrapped up in a similar power-trip it’s usually at least manifested/disguised in some cause greater than himself, even if it’s a self-centered one. 

i’m gonna touch on the examples i provided above briefly:

-butterballs: stan begins the anti-bullying campaign initially out of concern for butters but when he sees how highly his classmates regard him for taking a stand, it very quickly divulges into stan riding the high of peer approval w regards to the music video, making it seen, going on dr. oz etc. kyle is the only one who finds fault with it -- “don’t act for me, stan, really” is a really caustic but honest assessment of the situation on kyle’s end b/c he sees that stan is more concerned w how his efforts are being received and praised rather than helping butters. again highlighted by their interaction in the bathroom when stan insists his video needs to be seen by everyone and kyle tells him to put it on the internet for free instead if he feels that way. stan is dumbstruck b/c he doesn’t know how to defend himself b/c he knows kyle is right, and he cares more about accolades/profit more than he does actually making any kind of grand social change.

-scause for applause: my favorite example, i think. again, stan’s refusal to take off the bracelet starts as something personal to him and very, very quickly transforms into a selfish movement about himself, ‘stanground’, b/c he loves the positive affirmation he receives as a result. craig then accuses him of having lied, and stan berates him in front of everyone in a really acerbic manner and only fuels the fire that eventually brings him down. when everyone hates stan after finding out he actually did cut off his bracelet, kyle tries to nudge stan in the right direction by urging him to tell the truth, but stan only doubles down and tries to get everyone on his side again w a convoluted scheme to make it seem as if the whole thing was intentional. when this blows up in his face, again, kyle -- without judgement -- confronts him about having asked heidi to borrow superglue the week before. stan scoffs and i think he says something like “you’re still on that, dude?” and of course kyle is! why wouldn’t he be! he doesn’t want to see his friend dig himself any further a hole than he already has. 

-bass to mouth: everyone participates in the wikileaks gossip site at school but kyle; he’s the only one who has an outright problem with such an invasion of privacy, and stan tries to get him to lighten up. kyle remarks that it wouldn’t be funny if something about stan were written on there; stan responds flippantly that there isn’t, only for something about him to show up shortly after. cue stan leading the charge to find out who the site-runner is only for kyle to remind him during the meeting that, okay, now that it happened to you, it isn’t funny, right? 

not necessarily in the same vein of selfishness, ‘two days before the day after tomorrow’ is another great example of kyle wanting stan to do the right thing. after they destroy the dam, cartman and stan agree not to tell anyone, but when stan is confronted by the destruction his actions have caused with the people of beaverton being trapped in their flooded homes, he feels immensely remorseful. cartman sternly demands that he not tell kyle b/c kyle will obviously try to get him to confess to what they did. stan ends up telling kyle anyway to the exact result, advising him to let everyone know he’s responsible so the people stranded can receive actual help. cartman becomes irate when he realizes kyle knows, but instead of following his advice, stan tries to do the right thing in a roundabout way: rescue the people himself so he can “do the right thing, but still lie about it.” this doesn’t work and only serves to put the boys themselves in grave danger, and kyle pleads for stan to own up to what he did if for their sake only. he calls randy and comes so close to following through only to decide against it, to which kyle is visibly angry and upset with him. by the time stan does come around to telling the truth it’s too late -- everyone thinks he’s speaking metaphorically about breaking the dam instead of literally which leaves him frustrated.

there’s more examples of this, but kyle very frequently is the first one who tries to intervene when stan gets himself in more trouble than he can handle by trying to guide him toward what’s honest and what’s right. stan is often described as the everyman or the straight man of the group, and for the most part i agree with this -- stan himself is a very average kid. but i think it helps to also look at his family dynamic; he has no siblings he can really rely on as shelly is far too volatile, and though she’s shown some moments of genuine concern and care for stan (that i love and wish there was more of!) she generally holds stan with disdain and irritation. sharon is shown to love and care deeply for stan’s well-being but is also largely unaware of the extent of his problems as her hands are usually tied up elsewhere (and doesn’t receive enough one-on-one interaction with stan for me to really comment on how well she handles those problems). randy is a fucking mess and speaking as someone w a parent who was a functioning alcoholic as randy is, i can attest to how fragile and chaotic a relationship like that can be. randy is certainly no role model of decency. i mean, christ, there’s an entire episode based around the concept of randy teaching stan how to lie effectively wherein which he demonstrates ‘tells’ for stan only to exhibit them when he tells stan he loves him. obviously this is played as a joke, but stan notices this and is rightly upset. randy, as a parent and a person, is incredibly selfish, has no sense of boundaries, acts in his own self-interest, and treats stan like a friend instead of son -- not a very good friend at that. not that randy has absolutely no redeeming qualities, but they’re few and far between, and the rare occasion we see him genuinely try to help or bond with stan usually ends up in another wacky misadventure. my point being, stan doesn’t have a very strong support system within his home and thus has to rely entirely on his own will to guide himself.

kyle is one of very few who is really ever shown to expect better of stan, to want him to be better than he is, to want him to be better for the simple fact that he should want it for himself as well -- not so he can get anything out of it.

that was what i mean by kyle being a moral guide for stan and helping keep him grounded. sorry this became so long, but i hope this answered your question!

[save-the-cronch]

Sincerely Me

Welcome to my fic that is using a title that is overused! Anyways, this is based off a set of one-shots I posted, originally, on my other account. 

Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Evan kept his head down as he walked to the school’s computer lab. He had to quickly finish his ‘self-help’ letter before his mom picked him up for his therapy session with Dr. Sherman. Slowly, Evan pushed open the door to the lab and shuffled over to a computer on the right side. Silently, he logged into the computer, found the google chrome search logo, clicked on it, and signed onto his google drive account. He moved the cursor over to the google doc containing his letter. After he clicked on it, he watched as a new paged popped up, and his letter loaded onto the screen. Evan quickly read over the letter, and noticed that he left off with:

Maybe if I could just talk to her. Maybe, nothing would be different at all.

He silent thought for a second, tapping his fingers on the table. Eventually, he began to type out the last part.

I wish everything was different. I wish I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean, let’s face it, would anyone even notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?

He stopped typing briefly. Evan knows this isn’t what his therapist had in mind for him to write. These letters are supposed to say the good things in life, but when there aren’t any good things, why make it up? Why not just tell the damn truth? No one would even care anyways.

Sincerely, your best and dearest friend, me.

Suddenly, his phone began to ring. Evan fumbled with it in his pocket. He quickly checked the caller ID and was relieved to see it was his mom calling him.

“H-hello?” He asked. Evan has always hated phone calls, can't stand them. Even though it was just his mom calling, he still stumbled on his words.

“Evan, I’m not going to be able to bring you to your appointment. They needed extra help at the hospital and I was the only one on duty. Also right afterward I’m going to class, there are leftovers in the fridge for dinner.” Heidi Hansen rushed her words as if she really needs to get back to work. Which, Evan assumed, she probably does.

God, Evan thought, I'm such a burden, she wouldn't need to work so hard if I wasn't around. I have so many problems. She has to spend too much money on my pills and therapy, I hate it.

"O-okay, yeah, I’ll ea-t that.” Even while he says this, Evan knows he won’t.

“Did you finish your letter sweetie?" Evan knows that all his mom wants is for him to get better. However, he also knows that she knows she'd have a better life without him.

“Yeah, I just pr-printed it n-ow.” He says, clicking on the little printer button on the top right of the screen.

“That’s fantastic sweetie. I’ve gotta go now, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Totally fantastic. Except for the fact that his letter basically states that he wants to just disappear and never come back.

Evan nods his head but then realizes she probably couldn’t even see him. Stupid. “Okay, love you.”

“Love you too honey.” And with that, she hangs up the phone.

Evan sighs once again, and then, he stands up to go and grab his letter. Before he can even take a step, Connor Murphy appears in front of him. Oh great. Evan really hopes he's still not mad about this morning. Connor had thought that Evan laughed at him, and so he shoved him to the ground. However, what had really happened was that Evan didn't laugh at him, He would never laugh at him. He would never laugh at anyone really. Evan was just nervous, and so he let out a nervous chuckle. Because of this, Evam have a mental freak out moment. He still didn’t know if Connor’s here to yell at him some more or what but he was absolutely terrified.

“Evan? Right?” Connor asks, looking Evan up and down, then into his eyes. Evan shivered slightly and nodded. Evan didn't shiver because Connor was scary, he's actually really pretty. Like his sister, Zoe. Wait, not the time Evan. Shut up. Evan looked back at him, and he noticed something. Connor seemed like he was trying to tell Evan something, but then seems to think better if it and instead says, “How’d you break your arm?”

It was an easy question to answer, Evan had practiced the answer many times, but he still stuttered.

“Oh, uh, I f-fell. Out of a tr-tree.” Evan stuttered out, picking at the hem of his shirt. Evan hates lying, but he didn't want people to see how broken he really was.

“Well, that’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Oh my god!” He laughs out.

Oh, how wonderful. Evan thinks. Now I'm an even bigger loser.

Evan nodded, “Yeah, uh, yeah.”

Connor glances at Evan’s cast, and he seems to notice no one has signed it.

Shit, now I not just a loser, but a friendless loser. Evan doesn’t know how this could get any worse.

“No one’s signed your cast.” Connor points out as if Evan hadn’t already realized no one liked him.

“Yeah, uh, I kn-know.” Evan just wishes he could stop stuttering, dammit!

“I’ll sign it.” Connor offers, probably pitying Evan. Defiantly pitying him. Most people did.

“Oh, you, you don’t have to.” Evan mentally hits himself, what is he doing? He needs his mom to think he actually talked to people. Why is he telling him no?

Connor ignores him and He holds out a hand, expecting a sharpie. Thank God he's persistent.

Evan nods his head and then stuffed his hand into his pocket. He pulled out the unused sharpie and handed it to the taller boy.

He grips Evan’s hand and tugs it towards him. “Ow,” Evan mumbled.

“Sorry,” Connor seemed to have pushed it out. As if he's not used to saying sorry. Connor quickly scrawls out his name, filling up half of the blonds cast with it.

“Oh, thanks,” Evan said, with a kind of sarcastic, sort of thankful, and a bit of wanting to get the hell out of there asap tone of voice. Thankfully though, Connor doesn’t seem to notice and smiles at the shorter boy. However, it’s more of a grimace. He then takes a piece of paper from his bag and lifts it up.

“Is this yours? I saw it at the printer. ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ You're last name is Hansen, right?”

“Uh, yeah that’s mine, um, th-thanks.” Evan reached to take it, but Connor pulls back.

“Because there’s Zoe? What the hell,” He whispers this, seemingly confused, and Evan begins to freak out. Once again.

“C-connor, please give that ba-back.”

“You did this on purpose!” Connor’s yelling now, Evan hopes he can maybe calm him down?

“What?” Very good Evan, ask a fucking question. This is super helpful.

“Yeah, you saw I was the only other person in here so you printed this wanting me to see it.” Evan knows that Connor is totally misunderstanding the situation. Evan also knows that he has no clue on how to deal with this.

“No, I-”

“You were hoping I’d freak out right? So you can tell everyone what a fucking freak I am?”

“No, please-”

“Well FUCK YOU!” The long-haired boy pushed past Evan and runs out of the computer lab. All Evan can do is stare at him as he runs, forgetting that he still has his letter.

“You what?” Jared asks from the other side of the phone, clearly enjoying the situation that Evan had gotten himself into.

“I-I printed my letter out at school and Co-connor saw it. He thought I wanted t-to get him ma-mad! He saw that I me-mentioned Zoe, and-”

“Wait, so he read some crazy sex letter you wrote about his sister? That’s messed up.” Evan starts to really hope that Jared stops laughing soon.

“It wasn’t a sex le-letter Jared! It’s for my therapy-therapist.” Evan is trying to explain this the best he can, but Jared doesn't like to listen. He never listens.

“You write sex letters to your therapist? That's kinky.”

“JARED!”

“Whatever man, but why are you telling me this?” Evan can imagine that Jared is probably lying upside down on his bed, playing video games. He's definitely not paying attention to their conversation at all.

“Because you’re my cl-only family fr-friend.” That's all they’ll ever be because Jared knows that Evan is too much of a weirdo.

“Yeah, okay, I gotta go dude. Good luck with that sex letter!”

“IT’S NOT A-” Before Evan can finish, Jared hangs up the phone. Evan groans, tossing his own phone onto his bed.

How the hell is he supposed to convince Connor Murphy that that letter was meant to cause no harm.

Also, how is he supposed to get it back from him before he tells the whole school? And, once the school knows how will he live through the taunts? No, wait, forget the jokes. Connor is probably gonna kill him.

God Dammit.

  Connor stared at the orange bottle in his hand as he sat on his bed. For once it was made, he wanted to feel productive for his last few hours alive. He also had a box filled with all the stuff he had taken from Zoe over the years placed on his desk.  He has about an hour before Zoe gets home from jazz band practice, and his mom won’t be home for another two. Connor isn’t sure when his dad will be home, but it’ll probably be late, as usual.

Connor uncaps the bottle and empties all the pills into his open palm. With no more thought, he downs all the pills and lays back onto his bed, waiting for the effects to kick in.

Zoe Murphy usually considers herself a lucky girl. She’s lucky because she made jazz one as a freshman, and sits in the first chair. She’s lucky that she is smart enough to be in most senior classes. She’s lucky that Alana Beck actually considers her a friend. She’s lucky that her brother doesn’t follow through on his death threats.

Zoe Murphy is also lucky that she got out of jazz band earlier than usual. A lot usual. AT least, according to the doctors, she is. Is she had called the ambulance not even five minutes after she had, her brother would have had no chance of survival.

So yeah, Zoe Murphy is a lucky girl. Luck apparently just comes naturally to her, and even though her relationship with Connor has been torn to shreds years ago, she’s glad that she’s luckier than most. Really fucking glad.

“Yo, Evan, did you hear what happened to Murphy last night?” Those are the first words Evan hears out of Jared’s mouth on the second day of school. Evan shuts his locker and looks at his family friend. Jared is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, gripping the straps of his backpack.

“N-no, what happened to-to him?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but you know Calvin Ferrell? Well he lives across from the Murphy’s and he told Kelly Petie who told Kyle Gold who I overheard telling Kevin Lakes that an ambulance showed up at their house around five last night, and Calvin saw Zoe Murphy running out with paramedics pushing a stretcher with Connor laying on it out of the house and into the ambulance. Calvin doesn’t know what happened to him but Connor isn’t at school and neither is Zoe. So obviously it was something really big right? I mean why else would paramedics be there?” Jared is much too enthusiastic about this.

“J-jared! Why do yo-you seem so, so ex-excited? Wh-what if he di-died. That wo-would be te-terr-terrible!” Evan whisper yells.

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it, I mean so what? No one likes him anyway.”

“Jared th-that isn’t nice! You sh-shouldn’t say, say things like that!” Evan remembers how alone he felt this past summer, and knows that whatever Connor was feeling is probably ten times worse than what he feels. He hopes Connor isn’t dead, he decides that if, no when, Connor gets back to school, Evan will try his best to try and brighten the brown haired boy’s day.

“Whatever tree boy, I’m going to class.” Jared shrugged his shoulders and left Evan standing in the hallway by himself. Evan sighs. He knows Jared fakes a lot of how he acts. He just wishes Jared was like he was when they were younger, his actual friend.

Dear Connor Murphy,

I heard about what happened the other week and I want you to know I failed as well, over the summer. You’re not alone.\

Sincerely Me.

Connor stared dumbfounded at the letter in his hands. It was his second day back after being out of school for three weeks, and he had no idea as to why a letter had fallen out of his letter. He was even more confused when he realized the letter was addressed to him and not whoever owned the locker next to him. Then after reading the two sentenced note, he felt something inside him. It wasn’t happiness at being recognized, it was more like relief. Someone out there, though he had no idea who knew in some way how he felt. And who wouldn’t get the smallest spark of hope after realizing that?

Evan watched from around the Corner as Connor neatly folded up the letter and placed it in his hoodie pocket. Then he saw the brown haired boy give a small smile, and Evan couldn’t help but smile as well.

For the next month, Evan continues to write letters to Connor. He writes the letters on Monday and Wednesdays after his homework, then on Tuesday and Thursday mornings he shoves them through the cracks in Connor’s locker. Evan know’s that Connor doesn’t check his locker until after third period, so he knows that he won’t be caught.

Sometimes the letters contain personal information as Evan knows that Connor doesn’t know it’s him, so he’s not worried, for once, about being taunted. Sometimes they just include small things that happen over the week. Usually, the Tuesday letters are the long ones, informing Connor about Evan’s weekend, the Thursday ones usually remind Connor how great he is.

Evan’s noticed that Connor is usually happier on the letter days. He’s also noticed that Connor skips school a lot, but he’s always there on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Connor has gotten a total of six letters so far.

The second one was almost as short as the first, giving Connor one simple tip on calming down.

Dear Connor Murphy,

Counting down from ten is always a great strategy to calm down, in my experience at least. Also, my mom, she does it a lot, especially when my dad tries to contact us. He’s very inconsiderate when he does.

Sincerely, Me

Connor felt like punching this guy’s dad after reading it.

The third letter talked a lot about trees, as did the fifth letter. The fourth told Connor that the mystery guy has a crush on a girl in junior year. He wondered if Zoe knew the girl as the letter never mentioned her name. The sixth letter was longer than usual. It seemed as though Letter Guy, as Connor now calls him, was stressing about something and just couldn’t stop talking. It started out about a math test the kid had, then there was a paragraph on why trees are so important to the environment, then two sentences wondering if Connor liked trees as much as he did, and it ended with five sentences of the guy apologizing as to how long the letter was. Connor thought it was hilarious, and kind of adorable. He kept that letter on his bedside table.

After the next two letters come, and Connor finds himself wondering who the guy is, he realizes that he might actually sort of like him. But he tries to ignore it for two reasons. First, why would this guy like him back, especially since he already likes someone else? Second, Connor doesn’t even know who writes the letter, how can he like someone he doesn’t know. However, Connor does know the letter guy, very well from all the information he writes down. He just doesn’t know his name or what he looks like.

Evan sits behind Connor in math class, which Evan actually quite enjoys. Math is fourth period, which means Connor comes in right after reading Evan’s notes on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. This also means that Evan gets to see the small smile on Connor’s face due to the letters that he receives.Evan always enjoys seeing that smile. It tells him that he was once again successful in making Connor happy. Evan knows that it isn’t a permanent fix, but he also knows that it works for at least an hour. And an hour is better than nothing in his opinion.

After Thanksgiving break, Evan realizes that he hasn’t thought, or written, about Zoe in a month. This really confuses him, how can he go from fawning over the guitar player to never even thinking about her? He isn’t entirely sure.

That is, at least, until the first Thursday of December and Evan catches himself staring at the older Murphy all of math class. At first, Evan tells himself that he was just making sure his letters were still making Connor happy. It wasn’t until Evan was in his room, trying to go to bed while still thinking about the long-haired boy that he shoots up, now fully awake.

“Fuck I like the school shooter.”

Which then leads to Evan actually slapping himself.

“Dammit Evan, stop listening to Jared.”

Evan continues to mutter to himself about the fact that he has just figured out that he is bi. However, he isn’t just bi, no, he’s really really bi for the kid he writes letters to, to make him feel better.

That’s when his mother, Heidi Hansen, Knocks on the door.

“Sweetie are you alright?” She asks, concerned that her son is mumbling to himself at eleven at night.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” Evan shouts back, quickly laying back down.

That night Evan falls asleep with only the thought of Connor Murphy on his mind.

The next letter Connor received he was surprised to see that the mystery writer told him he wasn’t into the junior girl anymore. At that, Connor walked to his math class with a small spring in his step. He knows that the letter boy might not be into guys, but he doesn’t like the junior anymore, he has a slight chance now.

When he gets to math, the kid that sits behind him, Evan Hansen, already has a notebook out. Connor remembers in middle school when he had a small crush on the blond haired kid. He can’t help but hope that Evan was the mystery writer.

Connor spends all of math wondering what Evan’s hand in his would feel like.

When Connor walked into math, Evan couldn’t help but blush at Connor’s happy gait. Evan can’t help but hope that it’s because Evan doesn’t like Zoe anymore, and maybe Connor likes him back. But that’s insane, who would like the wallflower anyway?

Evan spends the rest of the class wondering what Connor’s hair would feel like with Evan’s fingers combing through it.

The week leading up to winter break, Evan can’t stop thinking about what he should get Connor for Christmas. Sure, Evan is Jewish and celebrates Hanukkah, he knows that Connor celebrates Christmas. He only knows this because he overheard Zoe asking Alana to come over on Christmas Eve, as Zoe’s parents apparently want to meet her.

Evan wasn’t sure on what to get Connor until he was at the store with Jared because apparently he needed knew flannel and his mom thought he was ditching Evan. Which, he usually does, but Mrs. Kleinman doesn’t need to know that. Evan had seen a couple black hoodies and remembered that Connor’s were all worn out and faded. Then as he was walking up to the cash register, money already in hand, he saw a bowl full of nail polish and quickly plucked out a black bottle. Connor usually as his nails painted, sure they were almost always chipped, but they were also always black. Black seemed to be his signature color.

Wednesday night, Evan wrapped the gift for Connor, taping his note to the present.

Connor Murphy didn’t go to bed until one am that night. Usually, he’s asleep by 12 on Mondays and Wednesdays, but this time he stayed up. He needed to get it perfect. Sure there was a chance that Mystery Writer didn’t celebrate Christmas, but that’s why Connor is signing the card Happy Holidays instead. It doesn’t need to be a Christmas gift. Just a thank you gift.

Thursday morning, when Evan went to put the gift outside Connor’s locker, he was surprised to see it propped open, and not shut like normal. Curiosity was digging at him, so Evan carefully opened the locker and was even more shocked to see a small wrapped item on the bottom of Connor’s locker. He picked it up, and then he noticed the card, which was addressed to him. Well not him exactly, but it did say To: My Mystery Writer and who else would Connor be calling a mystery writer?

Evan felt a small smile grow on his face as he placed the gift he got Connor on the bottom of his locker, and quickly put the one Connor got him in his bag. He then swiftly shut the locker and made his way to his first class.

After third period, when Connor got to his locker, he was glad to see that Mystery Writer took the gift, he was also happy to find out that he was left a gift as well.

Throughout math class, Evan couldn’t focus. He just stared at Connor’s head. Which probably wasn’t a good idea in hindsight as Finals is the week he gets back from spring break, and he really should be paying attention the review they’re doing. But at that moment, he really didn’t care.

The first thing Evan does when he gets home is putting the gift Connor got him under the small house plant he has on his desk. Even though he doesn’t do Christmas, maybe this one time he can pretend.

When his mom gets home and sees the gift on his desk, she asks where it came from.

“O-oh, well um. There’s this b-boy, C-connor Murphy, and earlier this year he wa-was in the hos-hospital? So, um, I decided to, uh, write him letters. I-I wanted to ma-make him feel good. So, uh, I gu-guess he got me-me a gift?”

“Oh honey, that’s so kind of you! I’m so glad you have another friend!”

Heidi was so excited to see the excitement in her son’s eyes as he talked about Connor.

Evan didn’t have the heart to tell his mom that Connor didn’t know it was him writing the letters, which is how he ended up baking cookies with his mom the day after Hanukkah ended. As soon as they were done, Heidi had already left for work, and Evan was tasked with the job of bringing them over to the Murphy’s place.

Before he left, he found a pen and a piece of paper to quickly scrawl out a note.

Cynthia is a bit confused as to who would be ringing her doorbell at nine at night. She is even more confused when no one is at the door, and she looks down to see a plate of cookies with a note taped to it. She leans down to pick up the plate, walks back inside and shuts the door. When she gets to her kitchen, she plucks the note from the plate and reads it.

Dear Connor Murphy

Have an excellent Christmas

Sincerely Me.

Cynthia can’t help but grin at the fact that Connor has a friend. She can’t remember the last time Connor even talked about a friend. Cynthia places the note back onto the plate, then proceeds to pick the plate up and carry it upstairs to her son’s room.

She knocks twice on the door, and the music that was blaring from inside is turned off. She hears heavy footsteps and then the door opens, revealing her son who seems to not have gotten dressed today. Instead, he is in sweats, a tank top, and has an apron covered in paint over his pajamas.

Cynthia doesn’t fail to notice the hard glare on her son’s face, and so she just holds up the plate.

Connor glances at it, and noticing the note, he picks it up and reads it.

Cynthia also doesn’t fail to notice the small smile and slight blush that Connor suddenly now has, as he takes the plate of cookies and ducks back into his room.

Cynthia can already tell that whoever this new friend is, is a good fit for her boy.

Christmas morning comes, and Evan figures that now is a good time to open Connor’s present. He brings the gift over to his bed. He tears open the wrapping paper and finds a book with a note covering the title.

Dear Mystery Writer

You always talk, or write, about how you love trees, so, here.

Evan flips the paper over and sees a beautifully drown Oak tree on the back. Evan knew Connor drew, as that’s what he does for most of math, but he never knew he could draw so, realistically. Before even glancing at what the title says, Evan gets up to pin the tree to his headboard, smiling proudly at it, before looking at the book.

Evan laughs when he sees it’s the Encyclopedia of Trees.

Connor also sits on his bed as he opens Mystery Writer’s gift. First, he looks at the note that was taped to the gift.

Dear Connor Murphy,

Your sweatshirts seem to have a lot of holes, I didn’t know if it was for comfort or what but I got you a new one. Oh, and I really like your nails so here’s some more polish.

Sincerely me’

Connor can feel the blush already beginning on his cheeks.

He unwraps the gift and instantly notices how soft the two hoodies are. He also decides that he will be using the new nail polish until it ran out. He can also feel his blush deepen and nearly scolds himself for feeling and acting this way. He shouldn’t start to like someone he doesn’t know the name of. He really shouldn’t. But then again, when has he ever done something he should do?

A week after school is back in session, the Kleinmans come over to the Hansen’s place for dinner. When Jared enters Evan’s room, he instantly notices the tree that’s still pinned up, and as Evan was gathering snacks downstairs, it felt only reasonable for Jared to see if he could see who drew it. It certainly wasn’t Evan, as his art skills were no better than Jared, who could only draw cartoon cats and nothing else.

When Jared is close enough to read the signature, he would have spat out his drink, if he was drinking something. Why would Conor Murphy draw Evan Hansen a tree?

When Evan walks back into his room, Jared plays innocent and asks his family friend who drew the tree.

When Evan blushes and says that it’s from Connor Murphy, Jared demands that Evan tells him why Connor drew him a tree.

After Evan is done explaining the letters, Jared can’t stop laughing.

“So first, you write sex letters about his sister, and now you’re writing sex letters about and for him?”

“No! Th-they’re not se-sex letter Jared! An-and I only wro-wrote about him on-once!” Which, was the wrong thing for Evan to say as it throws Jared into another fit of hysterics.

For the next month at school, Jared starts to act differently when he’s around Connor, and Connor severely hopes that Jared isn’t the letter guy as that would mean Connor has a crush on Jared, and he really hopes that isn’t the case.

However, for a slight second Connor is relieved when Jared tells him who the writer is.

Connor was casually reading one of the letters when Jared pops up and says “I see you have another love note from Evan tree boy Hansen.”

At that Connor watches as Jared's eyes widen and he quickly leaves. It takes a second for the brand new information to kick in, but then Connor realizes that the cute dorky kid that sits behind him in math. The kid he’s always had a small crush on. The kid he silently hoped was the mystery writer, is actually the mystery writer, and Connor doesn’t remember the last time he was this happy.

Evan was just about to walk out of school when he suddenly heard someone calling his name. He turned to see Connor Murphy running to catch up with him.

“Evan, can we talk? Now?”

Evan isn’t sure why Connor wants to talk to him, but being who he is, he gives a simple nod and lets Connor lead him to the tree that he usually sits under during lunch.

“So, uh, Jared told me you were the one writing letters to me. Is, uh, is that true?” Connor seems nervous and a little hopeful. Evan isn’t sure why.

“H-he told yo-you?”

Connor nods.

“OhgodI’msosorryIprobablywasn’tthepersonyouwantedtpbewritingyouletters. Sorry.”

“Uh, could you repeat that.”

Evan takes in a large breath of air before repeating his previous statement. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I probably wasn’t the person you wanted to be writing you letters. Sorry.” Evan’s nervous that Connor hates him now, and really doesn’t want that. He wants to be friends with him, especially since that’s the closest he can probably get to Connor liking him back.

“No! I’m glad it’s you. You’re probably the nicest kid in school, anyone else I would think was making fun of me. I just wanted to say thanks. So, uh, thanks.” And with that, Connor dashes away from Evan.

The next day at school, Evan is surprised to see a note flutter to the ground after opening his locker. He bent down to pick it up and is happy to find that the letter is from Connor.

From that day onwards, Evan and Connor correspond with letters for each other. They both want to talk outside these letters, be friends in real life as well.

In February Connor finally lets himself fall completely in love with the blond haired boy. However, he doesn’t tell anyone, especially Evan. Either way, Evan likes someone else. Sure, they have some of the same features, but there are plenty of kids at their school with brown hair. And the way Evan describes his crush? Definitely not him. One letter Connor received was all about this crush. Apparently, he has beautiful brown hair, gorgeous blue eyes with a small bit of brown in the left, and a face that was crafted by God himself.

Sure, Connor has brown hair, but so does half the student body. And yes, Connor has a bit of brown in his left eye, but so does Jared Kleinman and this other kid in his AP lit class. And Connor’s face was most definitely not crafted by God. No way in hell.

So yeah, Connor accepted that he likes Evan. Like, a lot. But he’s also accepted that Evan will never like him back. And that’s okay. Or so Connor tells himself.

It isn’t until mid-March that Evan asks Connor if he wants to go grab ice cream on Friday after school.

Connor replies back with a no shit and his phone number.

After school, Connor drove Evan to A la mode, his favorite ice cream place, and they hung out at Evan’s house until Connor left at eleven at night, running into Heidi Hansen, who was thrilled to finally meet the boy her son speaks so highly of. She then asked Connor for his mom’s number so she could talk to her.

Both moms were ecstatic to hear about their sons hanging out.

They were also happy to talk to each other about them.

Both boys had a blush on their faces for an hour afterward.

And both of them fell asleep with the other on their minds, once again.

For the last two and a half months of school, Connor and Evan are practically attached at the hip. Evan was at Connor’s house for Easter since Evan doesn’t celebrate it and his mom was working. Then, they skip prom and just hang out at Connor’s house watching 80’s movies. They fell asleep on the couch, Evan’s head on Connor’s shoulder, and Connor’s head on Evan’s head.

At the end of senior year, Evan informs Connor that he didn’t apply to any schools so that he could take a gap year and save up for school for a while longer. Connor decides then and there to just not go to college until Evan goes. Connor doesn’t want to be alone, he’s not good at making friends, and to get through life he just really needs one. He got lucky with Evan. He doesn’t think he will get as lucky again.

Evan gets a job at the Pottery Barn, and Connor works at the Michael's next door. They always share their lunch breaks together, and they carpool to work as Evan doesn’t like to drive, and Connor does. Plus it means more time being together, and neither of them will pass up that opportunity.

That winter, Connor, and Evan were at Evan’s house. Heidi was at work, taking on the night shift and wouldn’t be home until early the next morning. The boys took advantage of that situation and broke out a bottle of bourbon to share as they watched Lord of the Rings.

By the time they were on the second movie, both of them had a pretty good buzz going on.

And both boys were a little Childish when drunk.

“Hey, hey Evan.” Connor whispers, giggling.

“What?” After there’s a slight pause, Evan asks again, “Co-connor, what?”

“Oh! Oh right! I wanted to tell you something.” Connor isn’t giggling anymore, but he still has a large smile adorning his face.

“And?”

“It’s very important. I’ve know for a while now. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was nervous. Haha, I’m kind of nervous now, but like, less than usual. You know?”

“Co-con, just to-tell me. Please?”

“Oh right! I haven’t said it yet! Well, I like you!”

“I know th-that Con! That’s why we-we’re best fri-friends!”

“No! I mean I love you! Like, I want to date you and kiss you! All the time. But I don’t cause I don’t think you’d like that.”

“Well, th-that’s not true Co-con! I want to kiss you all the time too!”

“Really?” Connor’s very surprised, but also extremely happy.

“Ye-yeah!”

“Then, can I kiss you?”

Evan answers with a swift nod and Connor grabs Evan’s shirt collar and pulls him in for a sweet kiss, that’s long overdue.

When they pull back, neither of the boys have their eyes opened all the way. They’re both smiling, and they’re both still gripping onto each other.

Evan goes in for another kiss, and they fall back onto the couch, kissing lazily until they fall asleep, Evan on top of Connor, arms, and legs tangled, smiles still on their faces.

When Heidi comes home, she promptly ignores the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. Instead, she grabs a blanket from the basket by the TV and spreads it over her son and his new boyfriend. She smiles as she takes out her phone to send a picture to Cynthia, telling her that she expects the twenty bucks the next time they go out for coffee together.

She also decides that she’ll talk to the boys about the bottle after she congratulates them.

[geek-gem]

Dead Space And Isaac Clarke

Kind of difficult to think of a title that fits. But just saying wanted to make this after OK KO was done yet was on laptop for a bit not much it's 4:09 pm

Basically what I wanted to talk about a few days ago. I had found out Visceral Games the developer who made the original Dead Space trilogy was shut down. That night or something I had watched some videos and honestly saddened. That I even talked to myself about just my thoughts.

I have mentioned Dead Space before just as my earlier text post today in the morning about some aliens and shit. But I wanna get to this.

I've been wanting to make this and now I have the feeling to make it something interesting. Also spoilers for the Dead Space series just in case.

Seriously I really liked the Dead Space mainly the trilogy never played the other games or seen the animated films. Yet I seriously liked the series. Including the 2nd game. But also the character of Isaac Clarke himself.

Seriously Isaac Clarke was a bad ass mother fucker. I honestly liked it that they developed his character for the first sequel. Including when I was in the shower an hour ago or something. I thought about why I seemed to like the character very much. He's a character that's always stuck in my mind.

Including in a weird way I wanna mention I don't know if I should say Dead Space 2 is a masterpiece. I shouldn't but it's because it's the only game I've completed while I watched the endings of the 1st and 3rd games. Yet got far in them a bit I guess for the first. Seriously I was young a bit. Including I kept replaying Dead Space 2 because it had a new game option where I can have all my equipment I had and I loved that. Along with I honestly loved the story and Isaac in that game.

I thought of possibly the reason why I honestly like Isaac a lot. Including why he's stuck as one of my favorites. Is because despite the series being set in the 26th century in a scifi setting he is seriously a normal guy a engineer who got caught up in shit with the nercomorphs. In a weird way I've kind of compared him to something similar like the protagonist's of the Silent Hill games. Where Resident Evil that series the characters are mostly trained for any sort of situation. Yet that doesn't mean Chris Redfield, Leon Kennedy, and others aren't bad characters. But compared to the likes of Harry Mason from the first Silent Hill game and James Sunderland from Silent Hill 2 had to check Youtube for his last name and again right now in case. But those guys were normal people. Including Silent Hill 2 from what I've know and see is a more personal story compared to Harry while it's another story but also looking for his daughter Cherry.

It's a weird comparison but it's something I feel is like that with Isaac. But this time in a science fiction setting. Including Dead Space 2 is where their was the story about the Sprawl but also Isaac's personal struggle.

Including what amazes me and I can't believe I'm still stunned by this discovery very long ago. Remembering reading a YouTube comment surprised and went to the wiki revealing Isaac was 49 years old during the events of Dead Space 2 and 3 because 3 takes a few months after 2. Meaning he's almost 50 when in the first and second I thought he was in his 30's or 40's not mid to late 40's.

While I'm not surprised by Bill from Left 4 Dead who's age is unknown and some of the Overwatch characters. I think I'm so surprised and enlightened by the character of Isaac of how much shit he goes through. While having some narly suits okay a friend sent a photo but the guy is seriously a normal person. Including someone who's not trained for combat. Something similar to the characters of the first Alien and other stuff. Because people compare Alien and Dead Space.

Also seriously the voice of Gunner Wright is amazing and him voicing but also being the model for the character. That I was looking up some videos while waiting for the OK KO such as this sounds video of him from Dead Space 2 just mainly screaming, groaning, and breathing.

Funny thing I said this when I was in room said I'm 49 fucken years old trying to be Isaac yet he never says that. But it does relate to just....I just love it when he swears or just... seriously. Including my favorite line from the series and kind of want this as a meme it's from the ending of Dead Space 2.

"FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR MARKER!" seriously I love that line Including all the shit leading up to that.

Seriously some people don't seem to like that Isaac got a personality but I'm sorry or not I fucking loved it that the 2nd game went that direction.

Also let's talk about the games themselves the games are awesome. They have awesome gameplay and honestly scary at times. Including the Nercomorphs these brutal undead mother fuckers that do scare me and are just awesome. Along with how gruesome they are and tough. Including the whole dismemberment of arms and legs. Really I feel Dead Space 2 takes the cake as the most fucked up in the series. It's been a while since I've played the first and the third is a different story.

I wanna talk about the shutting down of Visceral Games and that I even thought about and concerned of me buying another EA game. You've heard their terrible. Along with I remember the last EA game I bought was Titanfall 2 got that for Christmas of last year i think. It's a game I really enjoy but been a long while since I've played it. Including fans talking about the possibility of getting a new publisher please.

Also about Dead Space 3 I'm okay with it. Yet yeah I feel the action direction basically people talked about this and it's maybe similar to that of Resident Evil and how it went down that route.

Seriously I liked the addition of John Carver the other character you could play as. A soldier compared to Isaac who is a engineer. I didn't play the co op because I do not wanna get an EA account. Just okay looked twice tv on yet I wanna say I have seen his cutscenes. I seriously felt like and talked to someone who's on Deviantart and on here haven't followed them. We both agreed and I would of personally liked it if John's personal missions where he's basically kind of going through well yeah the same thing as Isaac in the first two games. Including that it mainly stays to the horror side of things.

But seriously their was some stuff I was bothered by with certain directions they went with. Including that story DLC Awakened while nice but this stupid cliffhanger.

Yet will say would of liked it if you could played as John Carver in single player at times instead of... honestly this co op it's a nice idea just....the action direction and just this one video s gaming Jim Sterling I looked on YouTube. Found this video too this is where I found out about the information but just at the part where they talk about Visceral Games shutting down. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ4eie-e2hc

Including that guys video I mentioned was the 2nd video I watched.

Really I wasn't all that sad at first but then even thinking about it more. Okay I was sad at first. But then I got to think about it more and it just sucks. Basically a video game franchise I liked and respected. Including a video game character I loved I said is now dead in a way.

Including I think yeah I wanted a Dead Space 4 but seriously even a HD Remaster of the first three games because I love those games and I honestly live for remasters because it's difficult to let go of certain games unless you have the system for it. Just yawned yet not everyone wants to do that.

Even today I thought of can we give Dead Space to a new developer or just reboot Dead Space and give it to a new developer.

Yet honestly realistically that's not gonna happen. Including Dead Space is one of EA's games as Visceral Games was built up with EA. But seriously I'm sure I don't want another EA related game again because I don't wanna give them money.

Really it's sad seeing a series like Dead Space go. A series I honestly liked and would of loved to see more games. Including again me liking the character of Isaac Clarke.

Basically during my time before I wanted to try to make this like I mentioned. But also looked on Wikipedia a bit of Dead Space not Visceral Games. Yet I also watched that funny yet nice Random Encounters musical of Dead Space and honestly would love a 2nd part.

Including decided to listen to it's called award winner a the music playing for the Remembering SpongeBob from well SpongeBob SquarePants. Just thinking of Isaac Clarke mainly. Honestly something like that surprised more people haven't used that as a joke but also a nice thing to remembering something you liked a lot dearly. It should be a meme in a way. So without further a do.

Remembering Dead Space and Isaac Clarke.

*gonna find music https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p6DKzNRdwyI now gifs oh God it's playing the song*

After the 7th wanted to type but wanted to put more. Yet wanted to say for that part I put there 3rd gif by mistake. Including I even said to myself after I found out the news.

That Isaac Clarke in PlayStation All Stars Battle Royale was honestly awesome and I guess beautiful I'm thinking now. Because I'm a fan of the series and the character. Including it was my first DLC I ever downloaded on my old PS3 when I joined PlayStation Network. Now I can't play my old PS3 and can't get Isaac or any of the other dlc characters. Seriously no complete or ultimate edition definitive edition I wanted to say and spell right before ultimate. Also the music rarely plays like that and tried it again but couldn't lol. Now got tags down wanted to share this lol just wanted to talk just okay to smile. Yet sad but just breathe I wanted to talk about this oh stomach a bit my thoughts on this I'm stalling now 13 just 5:13 typing too fast and smiled a bit even now