#also she keeps going back and forth about when the rehearsal actually is. lol.

[supercantaloupe]

this fucking woman has been sending us multiple emails every day with conflicting information about what she wants us to play and when she wants us to rehearse for this stupid xmas concert and i'm about to just fucking quit and tell her to find another oboist at this point

[phykios]

honesty and promise me, co-written with @darkmagyk [read on ao3]

“I’m in love,” Piper tells her when she shows up for another fitting. “Have you seen the new Beyonce video?”

“I heard the song.” Annabeth says, “isn’t that enough?”

“God, your whole play-acting thing is too far if you’re pretending to not like Beyonce.”

“I never said that.” Annabeth holds up her hands, “I like the song. But I did not see the video.”

“Well, when you see it, you’ll be in love too, but I will fight you.”

Piper could be scrappy in a fight. But Annabeth had been a champion fencer in high school.

“Kidding!” Piper says at her look. “There’s plenty of them to go around.” She didn’t even start to drape fabric over Annabeth, pushing her onto a muslin covered couch, and then pulling the video on the TV. She didn’t have one of those voice control devices. Because she was friends with Leo, and he was pretty firm on them being evil. “But I do call dibs on the main guy. The CALVES. The thighs. He’s unreal.”

“That good?” Piper went all ways, though as of late she gravitated towards women more often than not, so this was some high praise indeed. 

“Unreal, I am telling you. Like, the hand of God came down and sculpted him personally out of marble.”

Already in her recent watch history, the thumbnail of the video greets them, the song title splashed across the TV screen, weaving between  a very, very familiar set of legs. 

Like, intimately familiar. 

In something of detached horror, she watches the camera pan up, lovingly lingering on every inch of bare skin, following the muscles of his calves (which were unreal) to his knees then his thighs (which Annabeth had spent almost too much time between now), up his torso and his chest (which she knew made for an excellent pillow) to Percy’s face, set in a firm, hard stare. 

And that fucking blue lipstick again. 

She can’t even focus on Beyonce herself, too distracted by the way her hand traces the length of Percy’s outstretched thigh held in perfect arabesque as she gracefully drapes herself over him, crooning softly into his ear.

Annabeth should do that next time. That’s her spot, after all. 

Tearing her eyes away from the screen even as Piper watches, enraptured, she slips out her phone, sending a quick, furious text. 

annabeth: BEYONCE???????

A minute, then he responds. 

percy: oh lol i didn’t realize that came out today 😁

percy: what’d you think?

annabeth: i think im going to kill you later

“Just look at him,” Piper says, pausing on Percy’s form, his arms outstretched, fingers placed delicately around a bar. “I mean--look at him!”

“Yeah,” she chuckles, maybe a little uneasy. “He’s alright I guess.”

Incredulous, Piper swivels her head. “Alright? Alright? Do you need your eyes checked?”

She just shrugs. 

Why is she being so weird about this? It’s just Piper. She’s trained to find symmetry and beauty in bodies. They’ve happily shared crushes and fixations plenty of times before, so why is Annabeth being so weird about Percy? It’s not like they’re… you know… dating or anything. Just hooking up a bit. 

Piper squints at her, then shrugs herself. “Fine. I don’t have time to get an answer out of you anyway. Come on.”

“Speaking of time,” Annabeth says, following Piper back into the kitchen studio, “I have to head out by 6:30.”

“Oh yeah?” Piper’s head is buried in her belt box, searching for the perfect accent. “What for?”

“I’ve got a show to catch.”

“Kind of early,” she says, pulling out something thin and silver. “Don’t you usually meet Thalia at the ass crack of midnight?”

“Well I kind of want to eat first.”

“Okay.” She cinches the belt around her waist, tight. “Then you’re going to have to help me with this skirt.”

***

Hands aching from hours of macrame, Annabeth walks up to the box office window at the Koch Theater at 7:46, having a handful of second thoughts. 

Old, uppity white couples keep shooting her some particularly intense passive aggressive glares, some of them even venturing into actually aggressive territory, which usually wouldn’t even register on her very short list of things to care about, except that she is feeling woefully out of place. The lady in front of her has ten pounds of diamonds hanging off of each old, wrinkly ear, and the best Annabeth could do was fish out her least-ripped pair of jeans, pairing it with one of her nicer black shirts, the sleeves long enough to cover most of her tattoos. The macrame kept her longer than she had meant, so she didn’t have time to change before dinner, but fuck it, right?

She did also take out most of her face jewelry on the way. But she left the nose stud, obviously. And the tongue piercing. And the industrial, because Percy really likes those, so she doesn’t feel that bad about it. And he hadn’t even told her about this until after she had already given herself the half-undercut, so it’s not like she could do anything about that either.

“Can I help you?” At least this box office worker isn’t giving her the stink-eye. 

“I’m here to pick up a ticket? Should be under ‘Jackson.’” He’d offered to leave it under her name, but this was safer. She doesn’t think her mom is a big ballet person, but she isn’t about to risk it, either.

She slides the ticket towards Annabeth beneath the glass plane. “Enjoy the show,” she says, with a quirk of her mouth that is surprisingly sincere for someone in customer service. 

She’s pretty sure she’d enjoy the show more if she weren’t panicking thinking about getting dirt on their fancy carpets. Her boots are clean, of course, and she doesn’t really care, but she doesn’t want to, like, embarrass Percy or whatever. She’d asked him if she should dress up, but he’d assured her otherwise. “No one’s going to care, I promise,” he’d told her the night before, her lounging in his bed while he did some pushups. “And if anyone says something, let me know and we can kick their ass after the show together.”

“Great. Guess I don’t have to break out the Chanel, then.”

He’d paused, frowned, then huffed a laugh, shaking his head. Like the idea of Annabeth wearing Chanel was hilarious. Like what she’s wearing tonight really is the best that she can do.

Self-consciousness isn’t really a feeling that Annabeth has anymore. She’s spent so many years chafing against expectations, shucking them off when she inevitably failed to meet them, desperate for a place, a crowd where she could just be. In her scene, she doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone, and when Percy is out with her, he doesn’t need any convincing. He likes her. He likes her a lot, she thinks. He likes her enough to let himself be dragged out to every shitty dive bar and shittier rock show in New York City, laughing and cheering and holding her close the whole time. He likes her enough to cart her to his apartment at 4 AM, inevitably waking Nico up from his undead slumber, and leave her with nothing but a glass of water and a kiss on the forehead. And she likes him, too--a lot. Annabeth likes Percy enough to ditch her band t-shirts for a night and track mud on the carpet of the Koch Theater and willingly sit through a performance of fucking Swan goddamn Lake of all things, and it’s only a little scary how much she is willing to do for him after only a few months of fucking him. Because this really isn’t her scene, not anymore. 

The weight of everyone’s stares bears down on her, threatening to crush her beneath them, a feeling she was so sure she’d left behind. 

At least Percy had been thoughtful enough to get her a ticket out of the way in the back of one of the balcony sections. It’s a bit of a hike, but the audience members aren’t dressed quite as nicely as the ones downstairs, and she feels like she can breathe a little easier.

She pulls out her phone, checking her text messages on instinct. There’s a selfie from Percy in his stage makeup (and she’s not going to lie… he looks fucking pretty), with his standard accompanying three blue heart emojis. She can’t help it, her heart skips a beat and she can’t help but smile, even as she rolls her eyes. She’s just about to send him something appropriately sarcastic when another text notification slides in. It’s from her father. 

Hi Annabeth… I was talking to a friend in Boston who said he's looking for a new 

prospective in his architecture firm. Passed your information along. 

Love you, dear

She swipes it away. Deletes the whole text conversation, for good measure. 

Forget about him. This night is about Percy.

A few minutes later, so engrossed in Percy’s program bio (it’s about all she can focus on right now), she doesn’t even notice everyone around her leaning forward in breathless anticipation, until the warm, honey-like sound of the oboe draws her head up. 

Roughly two minutes in, she’s really wishing she had attempted the synopsis. The extent of her knowledge of Swan Lake is a few half-remembered orchestra rehearsals in her teens and reading the Wikipedia article on that Natalie Portman movie a few months ago, and she definitely doesn’t recall there being anything about any Men-in-Tights looking motherfuckers prancing around. They’re sort of bobbing, back and forth, elegantly stepping from one side of the stage to another. Even from back here, she can see the delicate, precise placement of their hands, fingers curved just so, moving through space as though they aren’t bound by the laws of physics.

The fingers, she remembers. She could never get the hang of the fingers. Her old ballet teacher had given up on them after a week, and that had been the beginning of the end for that particular extracurricular. 

Now her fingers tap on her jeans, impatient, far faster than the easy going music on stage. She’s just about to give in to the millennial instinct and pull out her phone, maybe play a round of sudoku, when the dancers motion as one to the back corner, and Percy comes stepping out. His hair is perfectly slicked back, gelled down, any hint of curl beaten into submission, and his smile is small, but white, gleaming against the tanned brown of his skin. She can’t help but smile back, like he could somehow see her. Finally, she thinks, relaxing a little more into her seat. Something to watch.

On his off days, her off days, any day when she would spent the night at his (always at his, never at hers) and wake up wrapped in his comforter and the smell of seawater, she would take the blanket with her and steal into his living room, curl up on his couch with her feet tucked under her legs, and watch him dance. She’s seen him drill these sequences over, and over, and over again, counting furious sequences of sixes and eights beneath his breath in duet with the thuds of his feet on his floor. Most times he would notice her and shoot her a grin, granting her permission to observe the artist at work. Sometimes, though, he would be so caught up in his body, the shifting of his feet and the music in his head, that it was like he couldn’t see her at all. Seemingly alone, he would dance, uninhibited, and she would be struck by a feeling that she usually reserves for specific monuments. Watching Percy dance in his apartment, in his brown tights and black tank top, lost in his own world, is like looking at pictures of the Gateway Arch, or the Hoover Dam, or the Parthenon.

She searches for that feeling now, leaning forward in her seat, eyes hungrily raving his form, but she just doesn’t see it. It’s… honestly, it’s a little boring. She won’t lie. He had warned her it would be something of a slow start, but this isn’t exactly an ADHD friendly medium, and she is losing her patience, just a bit. He’s so reserved, like he’s holding something close to his chest, impersonal as he takes the hands of the female dancers and lets them twirl around him. 

Personally, Annabeth thinks that he looks kind of lost. Maybe he’s just nervous--it’s a big role and he’s a young guy. But he had seemed fine when he’d kissed her goodbye just after lunch. 

The court jester is killing it though. Feeling just the slightest bit guilty, she lets her eyes drift over to him, deciding to watch him for a while instead.

On some level, she does appreciate the skill on display here. Percy can raise his back leg in a perfect ninety degree angle that would make her architecture professors sweat. The girls drift back and forth across the stage on the tips of their toes, weightless and ethereal. It’s mesmerizing, and she lets herself be mesmerized.

Time must slip away from her, because she blinks and all of a sudden the stage has gone from sunny yellow to cool blue, the crowds of dancers having vanished. He is alone on stage. Percy kneels in a deep lunge that makes her thighs ache just looking at him (and for… other reasons), his arms and his attention pointed to the wings, with a… Annabeth squints. When the hell did he get a crossbow?

But everything is swept to the sides when the White Swan tiptoes her way on stage, impossibly graceful, and all of a sudden, Annabeth gets it. 

It feels a little cliche to say, but the way that woman moves on the floor really does remind her of those old, vintage jewelry boxes, suspended in animation, moved by some otherworldly force. It’s amazing. It’s a little terrifying. Sublime is the word that comes to mind as Annabeth watches her. Her arms move with fluidity, perfect curves, her fingers trailing behind her like wings. 

And Percy is just as mesmerized as Annabeth is. As the audience is. 

A few things hit her, in rapid succession. First, that Percy is, actually, a really good actor. His reticence before--he’d been playing a character. He’d been playing aloof and reserved and unmoored, because Percy--Siegfried--whatever--has been waiting his whole life for something to fulfill him, until this singular moment, the moment he laid eyes on this beautiful creature. Second, that she doesn’t need words to understand what’s going on. It’s all there, in every look and gesture and step, as the two characters circle each other, slowly but irrevocably falling in love. And third, that she recognizes the look on his face. It’s the look that Percy gives her when she has been talking for too long and he can’t get a word in edgewise, or when she screams along to the god awful underground bands, three beers in and missing every single fuck she’d ever had, or when she wakes up after him to Percy’s arms around her waist, her hair in his mouth and her head resting against his collarbone. She recognizes it, because that’s the look that Siegfried has for Odette. Because that’s the look that Percy has for Annabeth. Because he loves her.

And fourth, that that doesn’t make her as happy as she wishes it would. 

There’s a cold pit in her stomach for the rest of the show, a turning screw that twists in deeper, minute by minute, with every turn of the dancers. She wastes the next hour trying to puzzle this out, not even pretending to watch the drama unfolding on stage, because it makes no goddamn sense. (Her situation, not the ballet--she managed to skim the synopsis during intermission, her foot tapping incessantly against the blessedly empty seat in front of her.) Things are great between them. It’s been a heady, intoxicating four months, full of bubbles and butterflies, sweet, soft mornings, and some really, really phenomenal sex. This should make her happy. This should put her over the fucking moon, and she cannot, for the life of her, figure out why it doesn’t.

The prima ballerina comes back out as the Black Swan, just as poised and precise as her counterpart, but she’s a great actress as well, because there is something undeniably different about her. Her arms move like rubber, like joints are just an afterthought, wrapping themselves around Percy’s neck and shoulders. She misdirects his attention, drawing his eyes to her wrists, her clavicle, the curve of a leg or the point of her toe. Seducing him. Tricking him. 

Like Annabeth. 

Because try as she might to run from it, Annabeth isn’t who she says she is. She wants so desperately to be this fuck-the-rules, fight-the-power, punk rock princess that she took every part of her that didn’t fit that image and tried to rip it out of her, bloody and struggling. Her trust fund, her two (two!) Harvard degrees, her enriched childhood and her bright and shining future; she took it all out back and shot it, and prayed that would be the end of it. She’s a phony, just like that goddamn Black Swan. Percy is in love with a phony. 

Her sweet, wonderful, devastatingly kind and handsome Percy--she tricked him and made him fall in love with a mishmash of archetypes and aesthetics, distracting him with nose piercings and ripped t-shirts and ugly, deafening noise. 

She’s not surprised that she’s crying when the curtain falls. She’d never known that Siegfried and Odette both died at the end. 

When the cast reunites for curtain call, Percy is given a standing ovation, and Annabeth enthusiastically joins in, wiping the tears from her eyes, smearing her makeup. 

She doesn’t wait for him at the stage door, but sits on the steps of the theater, plucking at her sleeves, aching for a drink and wishing she had had the presence of mind to wear something a little nicer. Percy finds her there almost an hour after the show ended. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

In the dark of night, illuminated only by streetlamps, she can’t read his face--but she can read exhaustion, in every part of his body. “I was waiting for you by the stage door.”

Something in her stomach goes cold. “I… wasn’t sure if I was allowed,” she offers, weakly. 

He smiles, a light in the dark. “Of course you’re allowed,” he says, offering her a hand. “Shall we?”

She knows what will happen next. She’ll take his hand, and they’ll walk to the subway together, fingers intertwined. They’ll get on the 1 train headed north, and Percy will let her rest her head against him, tilting his head back against the window, eyes closed, almost asleep. The doorman will nod at them as they walk up to Nico’s apartment, barely batting an eye at his sweats and her ripped jeans, the two of them sticking out like a sore thumb in a sea of impeccably dressed rich New Yorkers. Nico will wave at them distractedly from his office, gulping down his sixth coffee of the night, and they’ll tiptoe into his room, falling asleep in each other’s arms with little more than a good night kiss. 

Which, of course, is exactly what does end up happening.

Almost. 

Annabeth crawls on top of him in his bed, kissing him soft and senseless. She doesn’t know where he’s getting this energy from, but she is not complaining as he slips up inside of her, the two of them rocking each other gently to orgasm, their foreheads pressed together. Shuddering as he comes, he captures her mouth in another kiss, pouring every ounce of love he has in him into her.

A waste, honestly. 

But as far as goodbye sex, it’s pretty damn great. 

She needs to end this, before either of them get hurt. It’s the least of what he deserves, after all. To put yourself out there, to offer yourself up like that, that might be the bravest thing Annabeth’s ever heard of, and surely, Annabeth can find the courage to do what needs to be done.

[chickenmcfly1]

Do you have headcanons or thoughts on Marty's relationship with his family in the original timeline? We only get that quick glimpse of them at dinner, & it doesn't look like there's much warmth there, but do you think he had any sort of close connection with them? Or do you hc that it was basically always dysfunctional?

Thanks for the question! I tend to go back and forth about this a lot. Sometimes, I feel like they all do love each other very much and have a lot in common, and just suck at expressing it, but sometimes I do feel that there’s a lot of dysfunction and maybe even genuine resentment between them. We’ll see lol (I’m also writing this in like 15 mins before my rehearsal, so I didn’t proofread. Enjoy deciphering my typos)

Side note: Did George even like Lorraine? Or did Lorraine just obsess over him like she did Calvin Klein and George just kinda went along with it because she’s cute and popular and saying no would involve confrontation? We know he was infatuated with her, but I hardly believe that infatuation and the Florence nightingale effect are enough to base a marriage on. Anyway,

George

George makes absolutely zero effort to reach out to anyone in his family. It’s not that he doesn’t like them, it’s just that he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t understand how to connect with his wife or be a dad to his kids

When the kids were little, especially Dave, George was pretty good with the kids. They’re cute and they’re babies, and he gets flustered when they cry and they stress him out a bit, but all in all, it’s good. But by the time the babies start turning into actual people, and god forbid, teenagers, George is so stressed and afraid, he’s like “oh no better not get involved”

By the time Marty comes around, his marriage is already falling apart, he’s like “oh no, this parenting thing is really difficult,” I should probably just not, and so they just kinda leave Marty to his own devices

He’s severely preoccupied with his work and that always takes priority over family which upsets Lorraine to no end

Just the fact that George let’s Biff hang around and works for him after what he did to Lorraine makes her really uncomfortable and hurt

Speaking of Biff, Biff tends to be a jerk to the kids as well. We see him poking fun at Marty and Marty look very physically uncomfy when it happens. If he’s really drunk, he has gotten physical with them too. We know, Biff can become a cold blooded murderer at the slightest provocation, so I feel like him shoving around a few teenagers just to be like “haha George look what I’m doing to your kids. Are you gonna do anything about it?” Or just out of resentment bc those are George kids with Lorraine is not out of character. George still won’t say anything

On a more positive note, though, he’s very close with Dave. They both have similar interests and Dave was his first kid, after all.

He recognizes how similar Marty and him are, but instead of taking that as a “oh this kid just needs a push of encouragement, and a confidence boost,” George’s mentality is to just protect Marty from any situation where he will face rejection or disappointment. It’s his way of showing love, but it really just hurts Marty more than anything.

This whole combination of George not standing up for Marty when he’s pushed around by Biff or yelled at by his mom and telling Marty “oh you won’t be successful anyway, just don’t try” really makes Marty feel . . . I hesitate to use the word worthless because that’s such a strong word, but for lack of a better term, his dad insinuating the idea that Marty deserves to be pushed around and that he won’t ever have success so he should just give up makes him feel really worthless and bad about himself

Marty sees this, and decides that he will never be like that and he will never let anyone else be treated the way Marty was. So whenever someone’s in trouble or being mistreated or spoken badly about, Marty will step in. And this whole fear of ending up like his dad and that idea of “I feel weak and powerless and worthless right now, but If I don’t let anybody else even think I’m those things, if I can prove them wrong and they validate me, I’ll feel better about myself” just feeds into Marty’s chicken complex.

With George, I don’t even think he makes an effort to make a change. He doesn’t seem like he would take initiative and fix his relationship with his wife and kids. So George just kinda decides “this is my life now, and it sucks, but what can I do” and sinks into this depressed state, making him even more afraid and withdrawn and perpetuating the cycle more

Lorraine

Lorraine is absolutely miserable. She’s lonely, she feels unloved, she’s in a home where someone she is very uncomfortable with pushes her husband around regularly and she knows if it came down to it, George would not tell Biff to leave her alone

She, unlike George, tries to get her family to do normal suburban family things, but they always fall apart. She’s usually drunk and moody and she and George are incapable of setting things up in a way that’ll make them work, but she’ll get mad when things don’t go how they’re supposed to (which they rarely do) and it’ll usually end in George stuttering in fear, Dave escaping to get to ‘work,’ Linda getting out of there, Marty booking it to Doc’s, and Lorraine being absolutely over it

She’s an alcoholic and she’s barely functional enough to do what’s needed of her, but somehow getting along. A lot of drinking means a lot of hangovers, and a good 60% of the time, she’s either drinking, or pretty out of it.

When she’s drunk, she usually retreats away, but if she ends up in a situation with one of her kids when she’s drunk and just wants to be left alone, she can be very mean and critical. Marty is a sensitive person, and we know he really lets criticism get to him, so this is not the greatest environment for him.

Also Lorraine is probably totally over the guitar thing. I speak from my poor parents experience when I say that dealing with a musician in the early stages is not easy. It involves a lot of hearing them practice the same bar over and over and over and over and over and it can drive you absolutely insane. So when Lorraine is hungover or whatever, she just wants Marty to shut up which makes Marty all the more insecure about his music

She’s also very critical in general. She’s hard on Marty, and will pretty much ignore him unless she’s giving some kind of criticism or yelling at him for something or the other. Marty knows at this point not to argue back because he’ll just get his feelings badly hurt. I mean, when Lorraine shits on Jennifer at dinner, Marty just sits silently, looking supremely uncomfortable, which is nothing like how the Marty we know would react when his loved ones are insulted.

I feel like Marty’s desperation for validation comes from this. The way he keeps trying to wrap his arm around Jennifer, the way he’s so latched on to Doc, people who validate him, it’s clear that Marty has not been told that he’s good enough very often, and he’s very eager to prove he is to others and himself. That also explains why he values other’s opinions of him so much, too.

Anyway, back to Lorraine, Lorraine is so despondent at the state of her life that she just sinks further into her alcoholism and depression, once again making their family situation that much worse. She does try to make things work and do normal family things, but it just doesn’t work out

Money must’ve been tight too. I mean, 5 people on one average at best income living in California can’t have been comfortable, which would’ve probably just added more tension

But yeah, those are some of my thoughts on the matter lol. This family is a hot mess, and I’m so glad Marty has doc to reverse all that trauma lol

[pearlsephoni]

Barre None

Can also be read on AO3!

Rating: T

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Pairing: Zutara (Zuko/Katara)

Characters: Katara, Zuko, Suki, Piandao (v. briefly)

Summary: Katara hated the idea of being a cliche. The last thing she wanted to do was fall for her co-star. But with a partner like Zuko, perhaps she was doomed from the start. 

A/N: Written for Day 3 of Zutara Fanwork Appreciation Week: Fanart. Inspired by @ourgraciousqueen‘s beautiful Ballet Zutara sketches and @unidentifiedspoon‘s stunning Katara and Zuko dancebending animations.  I also borrowed heavily from the Royal Oprah House’s production of Romeo and Juliet, specifically the choreography of the Balcony Pas de Deux, which pops up a bunch in this lol don’t cancel me More Author’s Notes can be seen on AO3!

@zkfanworkweek

Katara wasn’t afraid of being in a starring role. She was nervous, yes, but she was mostly thrilled. She had spent her three years of college with the student ballet troupe, and she’d expected to have to wait until her senior year to get a solo, much less a lead role. Funnily enough, the senior who would have had the lead, Suki, was the lead choreographer, and has actually been the one to suggest Katara for the role. 

She wasn’t even nervous for the pas de deux, even though it would be her first time being a part of one. 

No, there were only two things that scared her about this year’s show: the show was Romeo and Juliet, and the Romeo to her Juliet would be...Zuko. 

To be fair to the first-year grad student, he seemed just as startled by the news as she felt. Katara got to the first rehearsal early, just in time to overhear a conversation between her co-star and their director. “Uh...are you sure you want me as Romeo?” 

“If we weren’t sure,” Director Piandao said with a wry smile, “we wouldn’t have cast you.” 

“I...right. I mean, thank you, I’m...I’m honored.” 

Katara couldn’t be sure if the raspiness in his voice was from nerves or Zuko just...being Zuko. Awkward, quiet, intimidating Zuko. 

This would be fine. Just fine. 

———————— ———————— ————————

She wasn’t fine. 

Zuko was a brilliant dancer. Piandao wouldn’t have cast him as Romeo if he wasn’t. And while he was reserved and awkward in daily life, all that seemed to fall away when he performed. When his back straightened, the omnipresent weight on his shoulders disappeared, and his eyes brightened into stars. Offstage, his smiles were rare, but onstage, they came easily. Happiness, pleading, grief, anger, it all looked unnervingly natural and real on him, as though all the emotions he held back burst forth through his characters. 

Katara had known all this. She had seen him perform. But she hadn’t ever seen him perform at her. She’d prided herself on her own performance and dance and acting abilities, but when she performed with Zuko, she found herself reacting naturally to him and the achingly real love and longing that lit up his gold eyes. Her heart seemed to skip a beat every time the choreography and direction called for them to gaze into each other’s eyes. 

And then the dancing...she’d heard how easy a pas de deux could be with the right partner, but that still didn’t prepare her for how natural it would feel. Any worries she had about being able to trust in Zuko to catch her and lift her and support her were gone by the end of the first rehearsal. Even Piandao looked surprised at how quickly they were able to learn together. They were able to put the first several counts of the Balcony Pas de Deux to music by the end of their first rehearsal with just the two of them. The lifts were complicated, but Zuko seemed to know just the right place to hold her, and Katara knew just how to drape herself over him, just how much to leap to him and make the lifts easier for him. 

The last counts that they had learned that day ended with Zuko kneeling, hands holding onto Katara’s waist as she rose into an arabesque. When the music turned off, Katara stepped down from en pointe, but she stepped further into Zuko’s hands, inadvertently bringing their faces closer to each other. Her breath caught in her throat, and she saw Zuko’s eyes widen, a rosy hue rising to his cheeks. 

The sound of a throat clearing jerked their attention back to Piandao, who watched them with a mix of amusement and...something else. “Well, and here you were both so worried. It’s been a while since I’ve directed a pair of dancers who work together so well.” 

Katara looked back at Zuko to share a smile, but that just reminded them of their close proximity. “Oh!” she gasped, stepping back and out of his hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to...sorry.” 

“It’s...it’s ok.” He was still kneeling, and he didn’t get to his feet until after he stared at her for an extra moment, as though trying to puzzle something out about her. “Director Piandao’s right...I, um...I really enjoy dancing with you.” 

“...Me, too.” His compliment settled warm like an ember in her chest, at odds with the feeling of sparkling giddiness she could feel bubbling through her. Oh no...that can’t be good. 

———————— ———————— ————————

Weeks of rehearsal passed. The show was quickly coming together, the set builders and stage crew had begun pulling together plans for the set and lighting and sound design, and everything was chugging along right on schedule. 

But Katara felt wretched. The weeks of rehearsal meant weeks of dancing with Zuko, and spending time with Zuko, and getting to know Zuko. One day, after a weekend afternoon rehearsal, he mentioned his uncle owning a bubble tea shop, a fact that piqued Katara’s curiosity. He invited her along, and that was how she ended up getting to know Zuko’s Uncle Iroh, tea connoisseur and loving father figure. After that, they somehow fell into a routine of working on homework at the tea shop before or after rehearsal, and lingering for a bit longer to just...chat, after their work was done. 

The more Katara got to know Zuko, the more she learned what a kind, hardworking, and earnest man he was...and the more she began to like him. Really like him. To the point where she wished she could dance Juliet’s choreography without being Juliet, just let her growing affections for her dance partner shine through. 

Matters got worse when Suki let them know it was time to choreograph the kissing. It wasn’t much, just one in a couple of scenes. A small part of Katara almost wished there were more kisses, if only so that she stood a chance to maybe get used to kissing Zuko (and maybe, just a little bit, so she could have an extra excuse to kiss him). 

The sprinkling of choreographed kisses meant she had plenty of time to anticipate each one, her heart leaping into her throat the moment Zuko began taking Romeo’s steps towards her. The first time they kissed, she nearly forgot the rest of the choreography, only remembering to move because of the guiding hands at her waist. 

Suki and Piandao blessedly didn’t notice the cause of her distraction, but they were both too sharp to not realize something was going on. 

“Is everything ok?” 

Katara jumped from where she was crouched by her bag. “Suki! Hi! I’m doing alright, why?” 

“It’s just...you seem like you’ve been having a hard time with some of the choreography, and you were doing so well...I wasn’t sure if there was something you wanted to change, or if there was something else I could do to help?” 

“Oh, Suki, I’m so sorry.” Guilt tasted sour in Katara’s mouth - here she was, an underclassman given the chance to star in such an iconic role, and she was messing it all up because of a guy. “I’m ok, I just...I just need to get more practice, I think?” 

“Do you want us to reserve the studio for you and Zuko sometime this week?” 

“That’d be great, thank you! Oh! But Suki?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Please don’t tell Zuko. I’m the one messing up, I’ll be the one to figure this out.” 

“...Sure, Katara.” 

It was her own fault, really, for thinking it would be that easy. 

She didn’t even have it in her to be surprised when she ran into Zuko at the studio. “...Did Suki snitch on me?” 

Zuko’s eyes were lined with concern, but he couldn’t help letting out a small cough of laughter at Katara’s dull words. “Don’t get upset with her. She mentioned she would be reserving a studio for you, but I was the one who asked for the time and day.” When Katara didn’t show any sign of being swayed by his explanation, he tried again. “We don’t have to practice together for the whole time, I can stay out of your way and get some solo practice in, but...y’know, if you wanted to go over the pas de deux altogether...I could be there for you.” 

Either her crush was making her soft or those gold eyes were more than effective in their entreaty, but either way, she couldn’t bring herself to say no. Zuko stayed true to his word - he stayed out of her way, quietly warming up by himself before stretching on the floor by the mirror, keeping himself limber for whenever Katara asked him to join. 

It didn’t take very long. There was only so much she could do by herself to work on a pas de deux. At some point, she just felt ridiculous, holding onto an invisible hand or compensating for the lack of support with a half-heart arabesque and pirouette, when her perfectly-willing partner was right there. He brightened up visibly when she sheepishly beckoned him, and wasted no time in getting to her side. “From the top, then?” 

Katara felt herself re-entering the performance sweet spot she always loved, where she could let herself get carried by the music and choreography while still feeling grounded and remembering to actually act and perform. And for the first time in a while, she felt good in Zuko’s hands, her nerves at least temporarily leaving her to enjoy and trust in her partner. 

But nerves are a funny thing. For most of the pas de deux, Katara didn’t let herself get distracted by Zuko’s proximity, nor the intimacy of the way their fingers tangled together and his cheek pressed against her body and his lips brushed against her knuckles. Then, the moment he began taking those final steps towards her, all of her anxiety flooded back to her.

He’s not going to kiss me. Piandao and Suki aren’t here and he has no reason to kiss me without an audience-

Her internal reality check was interrupted by the very external feeling of Zuko’s lips against hers. She gasped against him, but when he began to move away, misunderstanding her gasp, she pressed forward, the rest of the choreography forgotten. She stayed en pointe, but only because it made it easier for her to drape her arms around his shoulders and press in close. His hands, which were supposed to hold onto her waist to support her, began to move up her back as he stepped forward, until he was supporting her with his body. 

This was not the stage kiss that Katara had gotten used to. He wasn’t forceful at all - his lips were careful and gentle - but they were also achingly tender, as though he were truly cherishing every touch of his lips to hers. They parted, but he never made a move to deepen the kiss, until Katara boldly swiped her tongue along his lower lip. It was his turn to gasp in surprise, but he was more than happy to keep up with her pace. 

When they separated, it was only because Katara’s legs couldn’t hold her up anymore, forcing her feet to flatten to the ground again. “Shoot,” she muttered, earning a soft laugh from Zuko. She couldn’t help looking up at him with a shy smile, not expecting his smile to fade into a guilty grimace. “Zuko-?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t- I shouldn’t have-“

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because I kissed you...like...like that.”

“Zuko...I kissed you back. If I didn’t like it, I would’ve let you know.” 

That made him smile again, though his grin was wry. “...That’s true.” 

Katara felt like she was glowing with giddy bliss, but that faded when the complications of their positions caught up with her. “What...what now?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The show is still a month away. I like you, Zuko...I like you a lot, honestly”-the surprised glee on his face nearly made her stop speaking, but she muscled through-“but I don’t want to risk...complicating...things.” She didn’t want to become the underclassman who was incapable of performing a romance without it becoming a real-life romance, and she certainly didn’t want to risk causing any drama with a backstage romance. 

Zuko’s face fell, but before she could try to clarify what she meant, he was nodding. “I understand...but I don’t want us to stop spending time together. I really, really like you, Katara. So much that I’d rather keep spending time with you as a friend than make things complicated for you.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, of course. The fact that you feel the same way about me is more than I’d ever hoped for. Knowing that will make any waiting easy.” 

Somehow, his reassurance and respect for her wishes suddenly made Katara want to push the boundaries a little more. “You don’t want to try and date in secret?” 

She wasn’t expecting his snort of response. “Director Piandao would sniff us out in no time. I’m pretty sure he already suspects something.” 

Well...he wasn’t wrong. 

———————— ———————— ————————

The month leading up to the show was the smoothest the ballet troupe had ever experienced. Somehow, the stars aligned and allowed all the sets to be built, all the lighting and sound effects to be set, and all the costumes to be adjusted to the performers with nary a technical difficulty in sight. As for the performers themselves, the choreography was smoothed into a perfect shine. The ensembles were synchronised, the lifts and leaps looked effortless, and everyone gushed over the chemistry between Katara and Zuko. 

And Katara was miserable. She had thought that getting all their feelings in the open would make the rest of the rehearsal process easier. But now that she’d gotten a taste of Zuko’s true kisses, his shy smiles and the way he brushed her curls behind her ear, she couldn’t seem to feel satisfied with their onstage romance. The sweet kisses that had made her blood sing in her veins now left her longing for something more, and his lovestruck visage as Romeo didn’t make her heart skip the way his blushes and embarrassed grimaces as Zuko did.

Not that anyone else noticed a difference. Zuko was as brilliant as ever, and Katara could only hope she was pushing herself enough to be a worthy partner to him. Judging by Piandao and Suki’s pleased smiles, and the words of encouragement from their castmates, it felt fair to guess that she was doing a pretty good job. 

And so the final month passed in a blur of rehearsals and “dates” to the Jasmine Dragon and her feelings for Zuko growing and growing until she thought she might burst with how much she cared for him. 

The weekend of performances that she was so excited for at the beginning of the semester had somehow become a part of that blissful, miserable blur, the final obstacle she had to clear. Among the cheering audiences, the glowing reviews from her loved ones, and busy rush of the performances, one moment in particular stood out to Katara: finding a single, snow white lily tucked into the side of her bag after their first performance. She had immediately tucked it into her braid, and was rewarded by a furiously blushing Zuko as the cast and crew left the building for their opening night dinner. 

Everyone was exhausted, but proud, when the weekend of performances was finally over. At their cast party, Suki passed a message from Piandao: there would be an informal class the following week to review how the performances went, and what they’d like to keep and fix in the process for their next show. There would be some simple warmups at the start and cool-downs at the end, for the sake of routine, but otherwise the optional meeting would be for the sake of review. 

Katara already knew she'd go. And when she caught Zuko’s eye and saw his smile, she knew he’d be there as well. After all, they had their own important conversation to have. 

When the day of the meeting came, she managed to get there a bit early, and was relieved to see Zuko already there, tugging his slippers on.

“Hey, Zuko?” 

“Yeah?” 

Oh, she hated this. Hated this feeling of being on uneven ground, the nerves and weird shyness and uncertainty bubbling through her. He likes you, you know he likes you. 

And yet. When those golden eyes landed on hers, and those lips curved into a genuine smile at the sight of her, she felt delirious with the disbelief of her own luck. Surely this was a fluke. Surely this handsome, talented, respected (though a bit awkward) guy had made a mistake in liking her. 

She shoved those thoughts away, and let a shy smile curve her lips. “I, um...I was wondering if you’d like to...if you’d like to dance with me?” 

“Really?” He sounded genuinely surprised, even a little shy. “I thought you’d be tired of dancing with me by now.” 

“Oh...are you tired of dancing with me?” 

“No!” His answer was immediate, making Katara blink in surprise. Zuko flushed, but he still shook his head resolutely. “No, I could never get tired of dancing with you. I just thought...with the show being over and all…” 

“With the show being over, I thought it’d be nice if we could just...dance as ourselves. No characters or story or anything, just...us.” 

Zuko’s blush deepened, and his smile widened. “I’d love to.” 

They stayed behind after their class. Theirs was the last class of the day, and they didn’t need to warm up before their “date” could properly begin. Katara did her best to ignore the knowing smiles of Piandao and their classmates when she lingered behind and took her time packing away her things. Piandao even made a point to leave the door unlocked behind him, something he’d never done before. By the time it was just the two of them in the studio, Zuko’s cheeks were red again, and Katara couldn’t hold back a giggle at the sight. 

“So...do you have anything in mind?” she asked him, her laugh still decorating her words. 

“Yeah, actually...you might hate me for this, but...I was wondering if you’d want to do the Balcony pas de deux?” 

“You have me in a studio all to yourself, and you want to do the same thing we’ve been doing for months already?” Katara teased, letting herself drift closer to him while grinning at how flustered she was making him. 

“It’s not- I mean- I just thought-” He caught the grin on her lips and frowned slightly when he realized she was teasing him, though his eyes glittered with amusement. When he spoke again, his words came a lot steadier. “It’s like what you said. I wanted to dance it with you one last time...not as Romeo and Juliet, but just...ourselves.” 

That made Katara go quiet. It was her turn to watch Zuko approach her, warmth traveling up her arm when he carefully took her hand and began tracing his thumb along her skin. She ducked her head to look at their hands, hoping she could hide the flush that had spread across her cheeks, before she quietly admitted, “I...I think, at some point, I was already dancing with you as...as myself.” 

“Oh…then...then show me.” 

Katara met his eyes again, and another wave of warmth washed over her at the small, understanding grin on his face. “Okay.” 

The music of the pas de deux felt like home, the familiar notes carrying her to her starting position like it was an instinct. Zuko’s smile as he joined her from the speakers told her he felt the same. But this time, his hands on her felt different somehow. They were still secure, but she felt a flex to them, as though Zuko wanted to press her closer than they already were. 

Small changes like that abounded throughout the number. Katara felt like she was floating through it, her practiced limbs carrying her through the choreography, but every so often, there was something just a little different - she didn’t run as far from Zuko, she let herself press against him, let herself hold his hands a moment longer. And he let himself do the same, pressing a kiss to her sternum when the choreography called for him to let his cheek rest against her chest, letting his lips ghost against her cheek when they came face-to-face, his fingers lingering on her body when it’s time for her to leave his hold. 

But most changed of all were his eyes. Where before, he had conveyed all the gleeful wonder of a boy falling instantly in love, he now looked like he couldn’t believe his impossible luck, like he couldn’t believe he was here, holding her, dancing with her. 

He...he was looking at her with adoration. Open, raw adoration that she’d never before seen directed at her. If she’d thought it was surreal to have his performance skill directed at her, his emotions now were making her breathless. 

When it came time for the kiss, Katara didn’t bother pressing up to be en pointe. Zuko took his choreographed steps towards her, but when his hands came to her waist again, she didn’t give him the chance to lift her onto her toes. Her arms were already around his neck, tugging him down to her, his surprised grunt smothered between their colliding lips. He thankfully, blessedly, wasn’t as shy about kissing her this time, his lips quickly parting on hers, inviting her to taste and feel and memorize every part of his kiss. Her hands set out to do the same to his body, his leotard making it easy for her to map his muscles and relish the way she could feel them jump under her fingertips. 

But it was a poor substitute for feeling his skin, and she didn’t realize she had started plucking at his leotard until he pulled away with a breathless laugh. “Maybe you should take me to dinner before you go that far?” 

Katara’s eyes widened, mortification coloring her cheeks a deep red. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize-” 

Zuko cut her off with a sweet kiss, immediately melting her panic away. “It’s ok, I wanted to do the same. But...would you? Like to go to dinner with me, sometime?” 

“As a date? An actual, more-than-friends date?” 

“Of course! I mean, only if...If that’s what you want.” 

She swore he was the only person who could get kissed within an inch of his life and still be so sweet and concerned about crossing boundaries. “Zuko, what I want is an excuse to keep seeing you and kissing you as much as possible. I like you so much, it’s almost embarrassing. Of course I’ll go to dinner with you.” 

Zuko’s smile was so sunny, so bright, so warm, that Katara was ready to promise him the world just to see that smile again. Thankfully, he was far more interested in getting more kisses than anything else, and she was more than happy to oblige.

[soft-sunflower]

Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 13

I think for Episode 13's post, I'm not going recap the whole thing. I'm just going to talk about some keypoints throughout the episode that really stuck with me as these posts are taking up too much time to write and gather caps for. I hope you understand.

Alright, so... we are starting off Episode 13 showing us a bit of Heeseong's past. And it would seem that from the time he was a kid, he was a pretty mentally screwed up individual. Such as throwing bricks off the roof and killing a dog. And I don't buy for one moment, one MOMENT that he "can't remember" and that he's stressed over school and depressed. That's just an excuse. Like I said. He walks out of the counselor's room, smirks and brushes off his fake crocodile tears. He uses that to get people to feel pity for him.

And would you look at that. There's Hyunsoo and his creepy dad sitting there at the psychiatric center. Do Minseok calls Heeseong out there asking if he knows why he did that. "Yes. It was because of teenage depression caused by academic stress." LOL No it wasn't. That sounds like such a fake, rehearsed line to get people to feel sorry for you. Anybody who pays close enough attention to you, or is just like you *cough*DoMinseok*cough*

"You've never met someone like you. You don't know how to play. You must've been lonely while doing it."

Oh my GOD you creeptastic man! We don't mold and groom people to turn into serial killers and be buddied up while doing it, regardless of how *like you* this kid might be. Well, at least now we know how Heeseong became Do Minseok's accomplice and prodigy. Ughhh ewww... that whole scene actually gave me chills.

Okay, so back to where we left off last episode. You know, just Heeseong and his father casually dumping Soon Young's body into the trunk of their car and finding out Hyunsoo and is wife are there at the house. Hyunsoo and Jiwon have arrived at the place they weren't planning to arrive, surprise! Or is it... trash mom looks a little nervewracked over the fact that they're just randomly showing up there. She keeps peeking and checking corners to make sure Heeseong isn't within eyeshot. It's not like a murder was just committed in the middle of the hallway of her house after all. She tries to pull the "I'm feeling tired. I'd like for you to come back tomorrow."

Jiwon interrupts with "I know everything." Uh oh...

So they're in, they're sitting down. Trash mom is all agitated again.

"What do you know and how much do you know?" her fidgety ass gets on my nerves.

Without missing a beat, Jiwon looks her dead in the eye.

"What are you hiding and how much are you hiding?" Girl YASSSSS.

And then they start pulling the whole "you know who your husband really is, and so you'll just accept that?"

"First of all, I want you to know, that I'm on his side no matter what happens."

Damn right she is. That's her man. Whether his name is Do Hyunsoo or Baek Heeseong, that her is MAN and she's got his back. She loves him and she will support him, regardless of what happens because that's what a strong wife does.

So trash dad says there are many things the 4 of them could talk about it.

"There's not only four of us. There's one more person this house, right? Where is he?" LOL GIRRRRRRRLLLLL. I REALLY love her. My badass female lead. She's not wasting ANY time.  And they sure did not waste any time in showing Heeseong hooked up and supposedly in that coma. Claiming he could die at any moment. Oh, please. You can't keep this a secret forever.

"We revealed all the secrets we have." LMAO NO YOU HAVE NOT. LYING SACKS A SHIT.

The way Jiwon and Hyunsoo are looking at each other, they BOTH know something is up and that something is not right.

Ohhh, Hyunsoo, you're brave but playing a VERY dangerous game here. I had a feeling that SOMEHOW this trap he set to catch Yeom Sangchul was going to backfire. But Hyunsoo is right. The person who made a deal with Yeom Sangchul to kill him, the person who offered double the amount of money, the ONLY person who knew he'd struck a deal with Yeom Sangchul that night, who knew the exact amount of money he paid Yeom Sangchul was trash dad,  Baek Manwoo. He also wanted him to kill Park Kyung Choon and was going to pay him to leave quietly. All signs point to there's some seriously shady business going on with Baek Manwoo, and I think Jiwon knows this, no matter how much he and his wife try and play up the innocent act.

"I believe I underestimated you." Well, they definitely handled that well.

"Hyunsoo, it's not me." Thing is, trash dad isn't lying. He's not the accomplice for the murders, but he knows who is and him trying to fake both Hyunsoo and Jiwon out is very obvious. If only they knew that Heeseong is not in a coma.

Oh look, the lights just conveniently go out... and here's how we find out that Yeom Sangchul did not go to the summer house. Because Heeseong tells him not to. This guy is really really smart. He's so smart, he's cunning and having that kind of person for a serial killer is rather terrifying if you ask me.

"Something is off. Something doesn't feel right, but I can't figure out what that is."

Jiwon, you're so close... You KNOW something isn't right and I think Hyunsoo can feel it too.

Also, HYUNSOO DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING IN THAT BASKET. DAMMIT. This is going to be how they frame him for the housemaid's murder. I just know it. He's literally handling everything in that basket and getting his fingerprints all over it. They plotted the whole thing with the lights going out, the candles, the mother dropping the basket of items with a tape roll in it.

They had to figure out how they were going to frame Hyunsoo, and this was too perfect. They are so ahead of the game that it's terrifying, and Heeseong is loving it because it really IS all just a game to him. He's a really scary and creepy character. His calculations are spot on with everything. I'm curious how this is going to turn out when Hyunsoo and Jiwon find out Heeseong is alive and out of his coma and he's the one doing this. I really can't get a read on Gong Mija... is she doing this because she fears for her life hence her almost seemingly reluctance? Or is she doing this because Heeseong's her son? I mean she tried to kill him twice now, so...

"Hyunsoo, I've always thought of you as family. That much I was sincere about."

Is she being serious right now? I mean here she is helping frame him for a murder he didn't commit, but is she also cooperating with Heeseong because she doesn't want her son to kill her on one of his crazy rampages? I think she's afraid of her son and fears for her life, but that she actually does care for Hyunsoo because she knows Hyunsoo is not a monster of a man that everyone has spent years making him out to be? I don't know. It's so strange... she's hard to get a read on.

"No matter what you thought of me, I have never wondered what you sincerely felt, not even once."

What does he mean by saying this? That he doesn't really care what she felt? That maybe he actually knows she's always cared for him? Or that maybe she's never given him a reason to wonder about what she sincerely felt in regards to him? The way she's watching him though as he places everything back into the basket she dropped, particularly when he grabs the roll of tape, is unsettling... I really don't get her. Why would she say that? Is she on his side and is just being used by her son and husband? Or is she on her family's side and enjoying plotting against Hyunsoo, tricking him and then framing him for murder? I can't figure her out yet... she's too back and forth and very inconsistent.

Wow... they're very thorough with framing Hyunsoo for this murder. To the point he's pulling hairs out and putting them in their car. More evidence for the police to find that Hyunsoo is the murderer. Heeseong is one formidable foe. He looks far too amused while sprinkling her hair everywhere. As they say in kdrama, AISH!!!

Alright, who's smoking cigarettes and watching Haesoo...? Is there someone else we don't know about?? Does she have a target on her back too? Can we think at all of who smokes in this drama? Has there been anything suggesting a character like that? Also, the person's handprint is on the window. I would think Haesoo would want to tell the cops this...?

You know, I'm with Jiwon on this. I really wish Hyunsoo would stop getting himself involved, but it's almost like he can't help himself. I mean I can't really blame him. Being pushed into almost committing murder (Park Kyung Choon), being told to leave quietly, having a hit put on his life, his wife finding out who he really is, almost having to leave his entire life and family behind and spending the rest of his life on the run? That's a lot for one man to deal with, but if he'd stop getting himself involved, maybe things wouldn't go so far south. Oh who am I kidding. This is kdrama.

And god love him, he's scared to the core for the safety of his family. The very idea that someone like that could exist in his life makes him sick, and the fact that they could reach Jiwon and Eunha terrifies him. This is definitely one of the WORST times he could've picked to discover he has emotions. I feel so sorry for him right now, because  he's doing what every loving father and husband would around the world. He's wanting to protect his family. And I love how Jiwon tells him that they're stronger than that serial killer. I love how they smile at each other, that seems to give him confidence. that she covers his trembling hand with hers to comfort him. Jiwon is so amazingly strong. I just love her. I can't stop loving this incredible character. I may even love her as equally as I love Hyunsoo.

JEONG MISOOK IS ALIVE AND I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. I CALLED IT!!! I called it from the VERY START of them saying they never found her body and that she is still missing. Kdrama rules. If the body is missing, it likely means that person is alive somewhere. But still I KNEW she wasn't dead. It was a feeling I had since before Park Kyung Choon tried to kill Hyunsoo. It would seem she has no memory of anything. She didn't even know her own name, so it makes me wonder just what happened to this woman?? Hmmm... and how is Sangchul going to use her for insurance? Insurance of what? Is he going to go up against Heeseong now and use Jeong Misook being alive to his advantage? This is definitely interesting.

It's 2:31am and Hyunsoo is getting a call that's waking him. I think that's me every time someone wakes me up haha. That's a pretty late time in the night to be calling anyone though. Annnnd it's Heeseong. That much is obvious. He starts mentioning Jiwon and Eunha claiming he's a fan, but it's more than obvious by the total creep factor of his voice that he indirectly threatening Hyunsoo's family. And Hyunsoo knows this. He can feel it. And the anxiety and fear in him is high now. His family has a target on their backs.

What does he do? Search up the location of the phone number and leaves... oh NO. DO NOT leave the house!!! This is the perfect opportunity they have to continue to frame you for murder. They will use the "You left the house for awhile last night, so where were you?" Hyunsoo, I admire your fierce determination to protect your family and to continue to put together pieces of the puzzle, but this is REALLY REALLY bad... and OOHHHH there's a dash cam on someone's car!!! I mean I get that they're on vacation, but please tell me that dash cam might come into play??

Inside the payphone box written on the wall is

"Hide and seek. I can see you, but you cannot see me." And we know Heeseong wrote that specifically for Hyunsoo. He knew that Hyunsoo would come to that pay phone trying to find him. He's having far too much fun with this. It's nervewracking how calculating he is.

And naturally, people cleaning up the woods would find the body. Of course. Hyunsoo left the house, went to the pay phone and that body is likely buried very close to where he was at. And poor Hyunsoo. He's so stressed out and nervous about the indrectly threatening phone call he received, that while he's pouring breakfast smoothies he made for his family, he doesn't realize he's spilling it out all over the table. Instead, he keeps repeating the sound of the voice from last night's call and comparing it to the accomplice's voice in the threatening message he sent years ago. He knows they're the same.

Jiwon asks if her hubby is okay because he's thinking so hard about something he's spilling smoothie everywhere. Then sweet little Eunha comes running with a hairclip for her daddy to put in her hair for her. Makes me wonder how often he's went shopping with Eunha, picked out little hair clips and things for her as well as do her hair for her in the mornings before school? It's such a sweet thing between father and daughter. But ohhhh, Eunha. Why do kids have such big mouths? Lol He left early this morning and she saw? Ohhhh noooo... Busted. Jiwon knows you left. And saved by the bell. Or rather, the phone ringing. It's not like he can just start telling his family right there in front of the both of them that he received a passive aggressive call last night indirectly threatening their lives.

Eunha's little "Fighting, mom!" Was soooo cute as Jiwon rushes off to work.

I love how protective Hyunsoo is over his precious little girl.

"Eunha, look at daddy. Did you talk to a stranger recently?" "No." "You didn't think first." "Hmmm? No." "Never go anywhere with a stranger. What are the rules?" "I will not go anywhere with a stranger. An adult doesn't ask a kid for help. Mom, Dad or Grandma would never ask someone else to come pick up Eunha."

Look at their big smiles. I love how holds her face in his hands and tells her she did well.

Awww baby girl is hungry! How is she SO CUTE!?

"Dad! My stomach gurgled! Did you hear that?" And when he puts his ear up against Eunha's belly. Goodness my heart melted but then cracked at the same time. I'm so scared for this little family. I'm scared to death for Eunha... she's so precious and innocent. Heeseong worked for human traffickers that also kidnapped and sold off children. I'm so afraid for her. I'm so scared something is going to happen to her.

Alright, so the thumbnail is missing on Soon Young's body again. What is it about Heeseong's obsession with fingernails?? He collects the ones on the left hand from his victims while also biting off his own on his left hand. Is this just how he commemorates the killings of his victims? By collecting their nails? Ughhh GOD he is just so GROSS.

Noona is back at Hyunsoo's shop and confirms to Hyunsoo that the accomplice can't be Baek Manwoo because during the time that he was meeting up with them, someone was watching her. Hyunsoo tells Haesoo about the strange call he received in the middle of the night. Thank GOD she knows this!! This is actually really important, I feel. I'm almost hoping that Haesoo contacts Jiwon to tell her about this after everything goes down. I don't like that Hyunsoo is keeping this a secret from Jiwon. I get why, but I wish he'd tell her. I feel like this is really important. And now Moojin is telling them about the body being found and that it was missing a thumbnail, because neither had any clue about anyone being murdered.

The fact that they found her notebook and her notes inside shows the direct connection she had with the murderer. Jiwon looks unsettled as she's reading the notes and wondering who she'd be referring to when she says "If you do this again, I'll tell madam and Director Baek." And of COURSE the body would be found in Makmun-dong... the same location Hyunsoo was at last night when he was checking where the phone call he received had come from. UGH! The Baeks had this too well planned. How frustrating...

And now that they have identified the body, Sunbae is informing Jiwon that it's her in-law's housemaid. Jiwon thinks back to last night on their drive home when Hyunsoo states he needs to meet with the housemaid. She knows something isn't right and rushes out stating she has something to confirm urgently.

I'm really trying to understand Heeseong's obsession with Hyunsoo. Why is he so obsessed with him? Does it have to do with the fact he's Do Minseok's son? Is there something he has planned in regards to him?

Moojin says something here that I feel is really important.

"Serial killers can't contain their urge to kill. Perhaps it was because they were in a situation where they couldn't do anything for the last 18 years."

He's right. Heeseong was in a coma. That's why he couldn't do anything. That's why the serial killings stopped. I'm sure he worked behind the scenes for awhile with the human trafficking ring, but the night he hit Hyunsoo with the car and tried to bury him alive? That's when everything stopped. His family even went to so far as to lie and state he left the country and was studying abroad. I mean really now.

Awww, Hyunsoo doesn't want his sister being alone and very unsafe and exposed, so he tells her that she needs to stay with Moojin. I'm not really a fan of their pairing, but I do love the fact that Hyunsoo is entrusting her safety to someone. Honestly, I'd rather it be Moojin because there's nobody else out there he can ask or trust to care for her and keep her safe. He makes Moojin promise him that he won't leave Noona alone and that he'll keep her safe.

Hyunsoo, Yeom Sangchul is not someone you can use so easily to get close to the accomplice, especially now that Sangchul has his own ideas and isn't so willing to cooperate with Heeseong now.

I'm really wondering what plans Sangchul has for Jeong Misook. He's not sympathetic over her having it rough. He's gonna get paid? How? Obviously he knows that Baek Heeseong is the accomplice and a serial killer, but since he failed to kill Misook, what are his plans to use this to his advantage? I have to do more thinking on this. If you guys have any ideas of what you think he's going to do, please tell me so we can plot and speculate.

Okay, so Jiwon is fingerprinting her husband and comparing the fingerprints. I'm not so sure she willingly believes that her husband went out in the middle of the night and committed a murder on Soon Young. I think Jiwon knows something is definitely up, because she knows Hyunsoo wouldn't just suddenly at the drop of a hat decide to randomly commit a murder after everything they've been through and after revealing his whole life to her. He had plenty of opportunities where he could have committed murder, but the very idea of it sickens him. He expressed that much on their drive home from the Baek's.

Heeseong continues to disturb the hell out of me more and more. He might love and worship his mother, but I get the feeling that if she made one wrong move, he wouldn't hesitate to murder her ass too. And I think the mother is terrified of her son so she's trying to be careful not to make the wrong move. She doesn't want to set off her serial killer son after all. And just like I said, I KNEW they were going to use Hyunsoo picking up all those items, especially the roll of tape, to their advantage. I knew she was in on setting this trap for him. And she seems almost guilty that she did that, after remembering Hyunsoo gently pulling a string of fuzz out of her hair.

Hyunsoo is calling Yeom Sangchul from the burner phone... And who answers? Well SHIT now. Hyunsoo knows that Jeong Mi Sook is alive!!! And I also feel like this is VERY important and needs to be paid close attention to.

Jiwon enters the shop and starts questioning where Hyunsoo was at. Was it Makmun-dong? So Jiwon tells him who's body they found, and that she was in charge of taking care of a person who's in a coma and that she was the Baek's housemaid? She tells him the fingerprints on the tape turned out to be his, all the while shedding tears.

At first I thought, Jiwon are you kidding me? You're a DETECTIVE. You KNOW where the two of you were last night. You KNOW that your husband disappeared from your side very briefly to help "mother" gather up items she dropped everywhere. You KNOW what kind of man your husband is so WHY are you suspecting him of murder now!? This is NOT your style, this is VERY inconsistent of your character, as well as your claim of "no matter what happens, I'll stand beside him." Those were my first thoughts upon all of this when she tells him he's a murder suspect and she's arresting him without a warrant.

Also, I knew the mother would tell the police that she suspects Do Hyunsoo murdered the housemaid. This whole entire thing orchestrated between the 3 Baeks was too well thought out and too well done. Now the entire police force believes him to be a true murderer and that he's guilty. My stomach just twisted. Sunbae just told all of them that Hyunsoo is Jiwon's husband... oh god...

CAN PEOPLE FOR REAL STOP FRAMING HYUNSOO FOR LIKE FIVE FUCKING MINUTES!? OMG!!! It's unbelievingly frustrating!!!!

Anyway, I don't think Jiwon is suspecting her husband of murder. I think she starts to cry because she knows that he's being framed. She also knows that police are going to find out and will be showing up to arrest him as a murder suspect, so she wants to arrest him first. She even tells him that they will make sure he does not get punished for what he didn't do. Jiwon knows that her husband did not murder that woman and that he's been framed. Jiwon is doing this protect him. She's wanting to take him to the police station because honestly he would be safest there while giving his statement as well, but she is not telling her husband this, because she herself wants to get to the bottom of who's framing him once again. That's what I truly believe. Jiwon has her own agenda, and it makes it hard because she and Hyunsoo are not on the same page.

Hyunsoo seems legit heartbroken that his wife believes him to be a murder suspect. So much to the point that he sees the image of his father, has a flashback to his father telling him this.

"Love can be very cunning. It is very sly. It makes you think you can solve everything, but in the end, it betrays you. Hyunsoo, listen to me carefully. When you feel the urge to trust somebody one day, it means you're becoming weak."

Okay, yes, he is distraught by this. He's genuinely hurt because he thinks Jiwon doesn't believe him. That Jiwon doesn't trust him anymore, so much so that it crushes him and makes him see his father once more telling him this. Jiwon gives him that look because she remembers him "seeing" things before that wasn't there. The fact that his wife would believe for even a moment that  he could be capable of killing anyone has sent Hyunsoo's mental health on a bad decline once again, and I am so worried for him...

"Tell me something. Do you believe me?"

Jiwon can only say "What?" Because I don't think she realizes what's happening to her husband's mental stability right now thanks to her.

"Or deep down inside, do you believe that I really could have killed her?" He tearfully tells her "If you don't even believe me, then who else in the world would believe me?"

And now, here's where I believe Hyunsoo shuts of those emotions long enough to put his own agenda into play. He's not going to trust anyone anymore, because all it's been doing is getting him hurt, getting people out wanting to kill him, putting his family's lives in danger, and even making his wife not believe in him. Like hell he's going to that police station when the lives of his family are in danger and he knows it. I'm pretty sure I know what Hyunsoo is doing. For this moment, he's throwing away love.

It suggests as much from the preview for Ep 14, but it appears to me that he's setting his own trap.

For one, I will say, he's definitely heartbroken over the fact (at least through Hyunsoo's eyes) that his own wife seemingly does not believe nor trust that he did not kill Park Soon Young, so I can understand his hurt here. I think my heart ached for him too. However, I fully believe that the CCTV was a set up, as well as him "attacking" his wife and holding a blade to her throat. That was a set up too.I believe he was trying to show hostility toward his wife to better her chances and give the accomplice less of a reason to want to go after her. Also, back when he attacked Moojin, he had no CCTV set up in his shop at that point in time, because why would he? It's his OWN shop. There's literally zero reason to have a CCTV in there, especially when he never did before. His shop is right below his house. At least I don’t recall ever seeing one in there til this episode. All he did was lock the doors and close the blinds. There was no unplugging cameras at all.

He points Jiwon toward the monitor and he's turning this into a "hostage" situation because now he's been framed, yet again, for ANOTHER murder he didn't commit, and he knows that that accomplice knows about his family. He knows that the strange call he received at 2:31am was from the accomplice and that his family is ultimately in danger and being targeted. He's creating a hostage situation and is going to do his best to get Jiwon and Eunha somewhere safe. I fully and 100% believe this, because that's Hyunsoo's style and because of the preview for the episode. Like him telling his wife in a very gentle voice "We'll see each other again. Don't look at me like I'm going off to die. Wish me luck instead." Also, they're running off together hand in hand. Jiwon doesn't look like she fears for her life.

It would seem like cheap writing for her to just suddenly start randomly suspecting her husband of murder. It's not Jiwon't style and it's horribly inconsistent to her character up til now. I think both Hyunsoo and Jiwon have their own agendas because Hyunsoo kept the secret of the phone call from Jiwon, and Jiwon knows that someone is trying to have him killed, namely the Baeks. Hyunsoo is using the logical side of himself rather than reacting through the emotional side, because emotions CAN make you weak and now he needs to be as calculating in this game as Heeseong does. Now it's his turn to play Hide and Seek while finding out that Heeseong is the accomplice.

My heart is pumping now and I cannot WAIT til next week!!! It's going to be a very long, agonizing wait, these next 5 days.

[onstarsandiron]

Band AU Outline

Because where else am I going to put this?

[Lol I made it long, it’s under the readmore]

Scene 1 is Jax is trying to get coffee for his shitty boss and this asshole bumps into him, spills it all over him, and has the goddamn nerve to not stick around. Jax doesn’t know how he feels about the $50 bill casually thrown at him before Asshole runs off

Scene 2 is Robb arriving late to after school rehearsal and smelling faintly like coffee and his stupid brother is there and sneers at him because Eric is sooooo perfect and Eric gets to be the one that plays the violin, the instrument that everyone likes, and Robb is here playing the bass. Well fuck you, Eric, because Robb’s a damn good bass player and he actually likes how it sounds, thank you very much. If he’d gotten stuck with the viola he would have killed himself; he’d literally be second fiddle to Eric.

Scene 3 is Jax on his lunch break talking to Ana about their bassist or something I think? 

Scene 4 is Robb secretly practicing his electric bass in a quiet part of the mansion, like he always does, playing along with youtube videos and learning whatever he feels like

Scene 5 is Jax arriving at the venue and finally feeling the stress of the day wash off a little

Scene 6 is Robb arriving at the venue; he’s got a genuine ticket, but he brought his electric bass to try and say he’s part of the opening act or something and get backstage to try and get an autograph (maybe got dared to get one?) This goes, of course, wrong when the stage runner insists on personally seeing him to the correct dressing room saying they’ve been looking for their goddamn bassist all over the place, where the fuck have you been? and just shoves him in 

Queue: “YOU!” “Me?” Robb studied the other’s face, looking for where he’d know those features from. Suddenly it came to him. Oh. Oh no. Coffee boy. “Oh no,” Rob said, unable to help it, “Me.” 

Robb fucking OWES Jax for that bullshit, he may have payed for replacement coffee, but you can’t pay for replacement dignity, and that was his FAVORITE sweater. What’s that instrument he has? A bass? Fucking good because Barger is a no-show and they’re on in 15. 

Ana’s drums, Di does keyboard and synth, Jax is lead (only) guitar and lead (only) singer -- Di cannot carry a note to save the galaxy and Ana gets too excited and just ends up screaming more than singing (you physically cannot stop her from doing this, mind you, so mostly Jax just doesn’t give her a mic. It helps only so very much. To be fair, it is Ana’s band, so she has a certain right to do whatever she wants) They are the Dossier [Idk if I wanna include Xu and Elara in here yet; if I do, Elara’s a techie and Xu is additional tech support + Social media manager/marketing/gig booking/etc]

Queue the gang tearing up Robb’s pretty boy outfit to get grungier bc if you believe Ana started some kinda new wave bullshit band full of crooners you’re goddamn wrong. They do loud hard rock and you can die made about it. Also Jax applies Robb’s eyeliner and Robb has never had a more intimate moment with an individual without actually touching one another in his life. 

Then there’s the show. Lucky for Robb they’re playing all covers and it’s stuff that he knows. unluckily for Robb, it’s completely different to playing quietly in his tucked away chamber to youtube videos. He makes do, though. 

He’s kind of mouthing along to the words he knows and then he’s singing them quietly and then he’s singing them outright and then Jax notices and somehow there’s now been a mic placed in front of him and he’s become backup vocals now and if he believed in fake things he’d think Jax was actually pleased about this. Wow, performing sure makes your heart beat hard.

Then they’re taking a bow and off the stage before he even knows it. He thinks now he’ll be shooed off, but actually they let him watch the actual concert with them and then there’s like an after party and they let him tag along and actually he has a really good time (He gets that autograph he wanted too lol)

Like a week later he gets a call from Ana -- Di had made him sign a goddamn liability waiver including personal and emergency contact info -- and turns out that Barger skipped town for reasons which are genuinely undisclosed but 99% probably because he has a gambling problem. They need a new bassist. He worked out well in a pinch, does he think he can make practices monday at 7? 

So that’s how Robb starts sneaking around to be in this band and play little gigs here and there and it isn’t the sort of places anyone from his circle would be involved in and it isn’t so big that he’s so very worried about an internet presence (he does “”Shyly”” hide behind his hand when Di tries to get pictures for their social media). Robb like tells his mom he’s doing some extracurricular thing and turns his phone off and pays off his chauffeur to say nothing

There’s probably some cute scenes or clips of outings or something. They go thrift shopping to get Robb some actual stage clothes, they hang out with Ana’s moms, they don’t talk about Jax’s parents ever and don’t mention that Jax pretty much lives with Ana or the rotating cast of personnel through the house, there’s heart-to-hearts, there’s laughs, there’s drama, there’s friendship blossoming, walls breaking, truly incredible stuff

Then comes the inevitable. The day of the Big School Concert is also the day of the big Battle of The Bands or something. It’s some sort of contest where they play some songs and then they play one they were like assigned and they were assigned Space Oddity and one thing is that the judges are really looking for those strings but Di’s synths just aren’t cutting it; they’re timing and intonation just aren’t right. So Robb is like “Okay, you can’t ask any questions, and I’m going to be like on the wire BUT I will be there and I will bring strings. You have to trust me.” 

And then it’s Robb’s concert, and bananas things happen and he gets out of there with the bass and we’re switching back and forth between everyone being antsy and worrying and Robb booking it with this big ass piece of shit on his back and he’s in the back of the car fucking up his $300 suit. Maybe there’s a run-in with Eric? I kinda really want him to show up a little worse for ware for Jax to fuss over. 

And Jax and Ana and Di are like Bass??? Suit???? Hair half slicked back??? Are those LOAFERS??? Is that a BLACK EYE?? [one of the judges later asks the same thing and Robb just replies “We are a grunge band, ma’am]  But there’s no time to fuss! Because he rolls up literally like two minutes from going on stage!

They rush out and they play their song and it’s magical and fucking gay and Di’s going fucking ham on the piano and the whole room is vibing. Then they play a couple more songs or something idk I don’t want to like ruin this emotional high but I do need to justify the electric base being there for the next bit which issss

Di and Ana shove Robb and Jax into the dressing room and they FINALLY make out. And it’s amazing and heavy and full of emotional and physical catharsis and it’s just exactly what everyone -- robb, jax, the reader -- needs. 

And then there’s a knock on the door. Followed by “Robbert, darling, are you in there?” 

And Robb’s blood goes cold. Because of course Eric told his mother. Of course he forgot to turn his phone off. Of course, just as he finally has the things he wants, what he’s been craving for all his life, here comes his mother reminding him of what he is supposed to be. 

“What’s wrong?” Jax asks, “Who’s that?” But Robb can’t bear to say a word. It’ll all become obvious in a minute anyway. All he can do is hope that the sadness on his face shows, for once he wants his stupid face to show his goddamn emotion to the one person, and that Jax will know that’s how he really feels and won’t take this next part too personally. 

His parting words are to hand his electric bass to Jax and say, “Here, can you keep this safe for me? Valerios aren’t supposed to play these sorts of things.” 

And before Jax can say anything Robb turns away and makes his face a mask and replies, “Yes, Mother.” 

The door opens and there stands his mother, graying hair pulled into an elegant bun, still in the dress from the recital. Eric stands there too with his sharp suit, looking as if their tussle had never happened and like he didn’t need to wash blood off his rings. There were also a couple of men in suits, some of his mother’s assistants. One entered unceremoniously and silently took the bass from the room. 

“My dearest, whatever are you here for? I believe we agreed to a dinner at your favorite restaurant for your recital tonight,” it was Eric’s favorite, Robb hated the place, “This event was not on my itinerary.” 

“I apologize for the delay, Mother,” Robb said, as if he’d made them wait five minutes instead of running off across town and surely ruining their evening, “I owed a debt, and as you know that cannot be outstanding.” 

The barest hint of anger flashed over her face; she absolutely hated when he threw Valerio Family Names items back at her. He must have been hanging around with Ana too much, because he found himself relishing in having made her mad. The flash was gone almost before it was there, though, and her face was cool once more. 

“And what, pray tell, did you owe to these... people,” his mother said, eyeing Jax in a way that made Robb so angry he could feel the white hot rage in the center of his chest. But he was a Valerio, and he knew better than to show it like Ana was allowed to. 

“Did you not catch the show, Mother?” Robb asked, protectively stepping between her gaze and Jax and praying that it didn’t show his cards too thoroughly, “They required some strings accompaniment. I lent them some. Our transaction is done, I have no more business here.” 

He had so much more business here. He had results to hear. An after party to go to. Pizza to eat. Jokes to laugh at. A boy to kiss. 

But now all that business is done for. Who wants to hear results for a song played by a liar? Who wants to go to an after party or eat pizza or tell jokes with a Valerio? Who would want to kiss him after seeing who he really is: a spineless wimp who is doomed to live and die by his mother’s whims. This whole arrangement was doomed from the start, and he always knew it. He was just too happy to let himself know that. 

His mother was clearly displeased with him, but what was new? “So I see,” She said at last, “Well then, come along, no need to tarry in this... venue.” 

“Of course, Mother,” Robb said. A cool nothingness washed over him. He knew his lines. He knew his place. This was who he was. 

Robb left the room, not sparing Jax a single look over his shoulder. He told himself it was because his mother would certainly notice, and she would, but really he couldn’t bear to see whatever expression Jax was wearing -- betrayal, shock, anger? It would only break his heart further. 

As he left the room he now saw that Di and Ana were looking on in shock. Apparently they hadn’t stepped too far away. “Hey!” Ana yelled, “What’s going on?” 

“Did you not hear the entire conversation about what’s ‘going on’?” Erik asked, and Robb wanted to punch him again. Apparently Ana wanted to too, because Di instinctively reached to hold her back just as she began forward. 

“And who is this, Robbert?” his mother asked, as if they were at the zoo and she was asking which animal was in this enclosure. It was so hard for Robb to see Ana riled up without getting riled up too. 

“The leader of the band, Mother,” Robb said, carefully not naming her. She was nondescript, hard to track down by description alone. Hopefully more trouble than his mother thought worth it. He never wanted any of this night to come back to hurt the band. 

“Well, as you’ve heard, his debt is payed, so he is leaving. Say goodbye, Robbert.” 

“Goodbye,” Robb said, feeling like a dog, “Thank you for the experience.” That was as close as he could get to what he wanted to say. Thank you for being his friend, for being there for him, for letting him be dumb and clumsy, for a thousand things Ana has done for him. Her and Di and Jax. And all he can say is, “Thank you for the experience.” He makes him sick. 

And like that he turns with his mother and brother, because he is nothing but their dog. A spare for if something goes wrong. An extra to be married off for a good business deal once he’s ripe. That’s all he is and all he will ever be. 

He can hear Ana yelling after them, struggling against Di’s hold. He can picture Di’s face as he struggles between holding Ana back for her own good and letting her go because he knows she’ll at least land a hit. He tries not to picture Jax at all. 

But don’t worry because I hate sad endings but idk exactly what I want to happen but basically a few hours pass and then either Siege or Ana is like “So, when are we going?” and Jax is like “? Going where?” “To break your boyfriend out.” and idk, but it works out in the end. 

[darriness]

Fic - Like You Wanna Be Loved 7/16

Author: darriness

Word Count: 1710

Summary: Confusion

Author’s Note: I'm just breaking all the rules now lol The real reason I posted a chapter today is because the next chapter? On Sunday? Things start to go 'boom' so I wanted to get there ;) Thanks as always to my beta @darrenismydarcy and this chapter was also supported by ideas from @slayediest.

AO3 Link

Kurt’s fine with being just friends. He is. Really. Would he rather be holding hands with Blaine and maybe kissing? Of course. Would he like to curl up with him and watch musicals and go walking hand in hand down the hallway? In a perfect world, sure. But he’s totally fine with friendship if that’s what Blaine is offering.

It’s just...it doesn’t FEEL like friendship.

As the weeks progress, Blaine’s actions toward him are not what Kurt could call strictly ‘friendly’. He’s begun to sit next to Kurt during glee practice and will more often than not slide his chair right next to Kurt so that they are sitting thigh to thigh. He casually touches Kurt all the time; on the shoulder, on the hand, and a few times even on his lower back. He keeps making flirty comments and Kurt has lost count of the amount of winks that have been thrown his way.

He tries to play it off as nothing. That Blaine is just a naturally flirtatious person and that his actions toward Kurt are no different than his actions toward anyone else.

Except they ARE different.

He’s purposely started watching the way Blaine is with the other people in glee, and while Blaine is friendly, and sweet, and charming, he isn’t what Kurt would consider flirty with any of them.

He keeps what Kurt is coming to see as a professional distance from them all. He interacts with them during glee, and in the hallway, and during classes (if the stories from the other glee members are anything to go by) but he has yet to accept a single invitation to hang out after school beyond Kurt’s bowling invitation. The girls keep trying to get Kurt to ask him to hang out again but Kurt is still a little gun shy, and he’s becoming more confused by the day.

“So I was thinking,” Mercedes says one afternoon near the end of October while they wait for glee practice to start, “that we are long overdue for a girls’ sleepover.”

Rachel turns and nods enthusiastically from the front row, “Great idea!” She says.

“Yeah I’m in.” Tina says, without looking up from her phone.

Mercedes turns to Kurt, “You in, boo?” she asks.

Kurt shrugs, “Of course.” He says, “Just not at my house because then Rachel will spend the whole night with Finn and not us.”

“I will not!” Rachel scoffs, but Tina, Mercedes, and even Finn, throw Rachel dubious looks. She huffs and turns her nose up, “Fine. We can do it at my place. My dads have been asking why you ladies, and Kurt,” She says with a gesture toward Kurt and he appreciates the separation that she may not have afforded him, or even thought to make, a few years ago, “haven’t been over lately.”

“Excellent.” Mercedes says, “What about you, Blaine?”

Blaine has been sitting silently next to Kurt for a few minutes, typing away on his phone even as the heat of his thigh seeps through his chinos and through Kurt’s jeans onto his skin. He looks up with a questioning look and smiles at Mercedes, “What about me, what?” He asks.

Kurt’s heart pounds as he looks between Mercedes and Blaine. He’s not sure why he didn’t think of the possibility of Mercedes inviting Blaine but he’s caught off guard by it and he both hopes Blaine says yes, and no, in equal measure.

“Ladies, and Kurt, sleepover at Rachel’s. We usually do them every month or so. Typical sleepover stuff; painting nails, eating snacks while watching movies, discussing boys. You interested?” Mercedes asks.

Blaine smiles and Kurt has gotten to know Blaine well enough by now to know he’s going to decline, “I’m sorry. I wish I could but I can’t.”

He doesn’t give an excuse or even ask for a specific date that wasn’t provided to him (a blanket refusal?) but just smiles at each of them in turn before going back to his phone where his smile dissolves into a frown.

Of course it was a refusal. It’s always a refusal. Kurt watches Blaine for a moment and tries to figure him out. What keeps Blaine from hanging out with them after school? Does he secretly not like any of them? Is he polite at school because he has to be, but would rather not spend time with them? Or is there something else going on?

Kurt is prevented from contemplating any further by Mr. Schue entering the room with a jubilant cry of ‘Mashups!’ Kurt quickly looks away as Blaine looks up from his phone but keeps looking out of the corner of his eye as the other boy pockets his phone and smiles brightly at their teacher.

“All right everybody, break off into pairs and take some time to rehearse a mashup of your choice as a warm up!” Mr. Shue says, and even before he’s done talking Blaine is turning toward him.

“Be my partner?” He asks with bright eyes.

Kurt smiles, “Yeah.” He says and Blaine’s eyes brighten further at the acceptance.

“Come on, I wanna try something on the piano!” Blaine says, and then he reaches for Kurt’s hand to pull him down the risers.

Kurt looks down at their joined hands and then around at the other members of the club. No one else is touching, not even Finn and Rachel (who never stop touching) who are still in their original seats and Finn looks like he’s getting told what to do.

As they get to the piano, Kurt feels Blaine squeeze his hand gently before letting go and sitting down on the piano bench, “I was thinking we could do something a little...romantic.” Blaine says and there’s another goddamn wink.

Kurt’s head is seriously starting to hurt and he’s getting close to just asking Blaine what the hell is going on.

Except...then he’s afraid it’ll stop, and he really doesn’t want it to stop.

-- -- --

Blaine:

I’ve decided I’m totally a Patrick.

Kurt:

Dated a lot of women in your past then? :P

Blaine:

I’m a man with a lot of secrets ;) No but seriously, beyond the horrible wardrobe, I think he and I are a lot alike.

Kurt:

Well I definitely wouldn’t mind you owning a store where I could get skin care products at wholesale  prices.

Blaine:

:) And you are so obviously David. You know, after he stops being an entitled a-hole.

Kurt is simultaneously assaulted with multiple thoughts and feelings as he reads Blaine’s text during French class. First, that Blaine is adorably unable to swear even in text form. Second, that Blaine just insinuated that he and Kurt are the equivalent to TV boyfriends (fiancés - Kurt’s brain automatically corrects) and that makes Kurt a little breathless. Third, that texting Blaine has become his favourite part of his day (outside of actually talking to Blaine but texting allows Kurt to keep talking to Blaine after school). And last, that Kurt is still incredibly confused about what the hell is happening between them.

The pair have kept up a near constant text conversation since exchanging numbers weeks ago (though at school Blaine will only text during his free period or lunch - which Kurt finds both adorable and frustrating). While Kurt loves the back and forth, and feels like he’s being flirted with even through a phone, he’s still under the impression that he and Blaine are just friends.

“Mr. Hummel, that wouldn’t be your phone out, would it?” Madame Munrow says from the front of the room and Kurt looks up to find his teacher looking at him with a quirked eyebrow. He knows she knows he’s on his phone, but he also knows that Madame Munrow loves him and won’t make a big deal out of it.

“Not at all, Madame.” He says, swiftly pocketing his phone with a smile.

His teacher rolls her eyes with a smile and a shake of her head before turning back to the board and Kurt goes back to listening and taking notes, even as his phone buzzes in his pocket again.

-- -- --

“Who are you texting?” Blaine quickly shields his phone as Bethany leans over the back of the couch later that night.

“No one. Just a friend.” He says, clicking his phone to turn it off.

“Kurt?” She asks with an eyebrow wiggle.

Blaine rolls his eyes affectionately, “So what if it was?” He asks.

Bethany’s expression turns serious as she leans an elbow on the back of the couch, rests her chin on her palm and sighs, “You like him, don’t you?” She asks.

Blaine shrugs, “It’s...nothing. We’re just friends.” He says, defensively.

Bethany’s lip quirks up as she sighs again and pushes off the couch, “Keep telling yourself that, big guy. Maybe if you say it enough, you’ll convince yourself.”

Blaine narrows his eyes at her, “When did you become thirty years old, and a therapist?” He asks and Bethany giggles before looking at Blaine with a soft smile.

“I want you to be happy, Blainers. That’s all.” She says with a shrug before wandering off to her room.

Blaine sighs and leans his head back on the couch as he watches her go. Happy. What is Bethany talking about? He IS happy. What would make her think he wasn’t?

What does she know anyway? She’s nine. Her idea of happiness is getting the puppy she’s been begging for for months.

He sighs again. Who is he kidding? She’s more astute than he is, than most of the people - child or adult - in his life.

His phone buzzes in his hand and he looks down to find a new text from Kurt.

Kurt:

Which one for tomorrow?

The text is accompanied by two pictures of Kurt, both with him smiling adorably at the camera with his hair lightly falling over his forehead, but wearing a different ascot in each.

Blaine smiles softly at the smiling face and can’t deny that texting Kurt is without a doubt one of his favourite parts of the day (beyond seeing Kurt in person).

He’s so screwed.

Blaine:

Well you look amazing in either but I’d go with the blue. It brings out your eyes.

What are you doing?! He yells at himself after hitting send.

[zukalations]

Ryuu Masaki's #1!!

This survey of what all the Moon Troupe members like about their Top Star was published in the July 2016 GRAPH, a couple months before her retirement.

This feature always has a lot of emojis being used which I wasn’t able to entirely replicate since I need it to be readable on all platforms...I’m experimenting with how to deal with this sort of thing.

Please note: Ryuu makes a couple comments about her weight/body image that I imagine some readers would want advance warning of.

Ryuu Masaki's #1!!

We surveyed all the Moon Troupe members about what they thought was Ryuu Masaki’s ‘Number One’! And now, what are the results? Have a look, along with Ryuu Masaki’s comments!!

What is your favorite role she has performed?

1. Puck (PUCK) - 18 votes 

This is #1? I'm surprised!

"He's an adorable prankster, and sparkling with freedom...Masao's (Ryuu's) best qualities really came out. Also, her unique adlibs left a great impression!!" (Uzuki Hayate)

"I could tell how much fun she was having; she seemed like a real fairy of music!" (Tamaki Ryou)

Everyone, you've been deceived! (laughs) This role has a ton of aspects that aren't at all similar to me. I was longing to do it for so long that I got taken over by the image of it, that's all. However, I did have a ton of fun working on the role! I got to do as many adlibs as I liked (laughs).

2. Ronan Mazurier (1789: Les Amants de la Bastille) - 17 votes

"I thought Ronan's strength and zeal to live suited Masaki-san perfectly." (Harumi Yuu)

"I picked this one because I love Masaki-san's singing and this role had a lot of songs." (Urara Senri)

3. Romeo (Romeo et Juliette) - 8 votes

4. Hamlet (HAMLET!!) - 4 votes

"The rock songs and aesthetic were perfect, I thought." (Kio Kanade)

I thought Hamlet would turn up! (laughs) I loved the poster for that!

4. Scarlett O'Hara (Gome with the Wind) - 4 votes

"It was perfect for her~" (Moeka Yuria)

4. Charles de Durant (Manon) - 4 votes

From Manaki Reika: Andre Grandier <3 (Rose of Versailles: Fersen Edition) “Well...I like Romeo and Bill and Oscar...I like all your roles...but I was able to see your special appearance from the audience, and when I watched you and Oscar's (Sagiri) one night together and how you protected her with everything you had...it was just like you and so cool! I adore Masaki-san's receptiveness <3 <3 I've totally fallen for Masaki-san's Andre <3 LOL”

What, I'm surprised! In that special appearance, I was just performing with my classmate like 'oh, I'm side entertainment' (laughs). It was my first time performing together with Chigi-chan (Sagiri), but we could understand each other's wavelength and it was really fun~

What is her best revue scene?

1. "TAKARAZUKA Flower Poems 100!!" Scene 21: Black Rose, 'Black Rose S' - 19 points 

LOL

"It was really sexy and had a big impact on me as a debuting actress." (Sorashiro Yuu)

It was a bit...intense (laughs). Looking back on it I feel like I made it a bit too sexy since that was what came easiest...but there wasn't really any other approach!

2. All her parades - 8 votes

"She gives off such an aura she's like her own power generator and she's so dazzling!" (Saotome Wakaba)

I'll keep sparkling, you know! No worries! (laughs)

3. "TAKARAZUKA Flower Poems 100!!" Scenes 19-20:  The Hundred Roses, 'Rose Etoille' - 6 votes 

Hahaha! This one!

"You didn't lose to that splendidly styled costume; I don't think anyone else could have produced that marvelous aura." (Natori Rei)

This scene actually had me down for a while...but because I was showing my legs I slimmed down and I felt really good about it (laughs).

4. "TAKARAZUKA Flower Poems 100!!" Scene 14-16: Violet A-C, 'Top Star Gentleman'

"The way she sang and the way her atmosphere changed by the moment were amazing, and she was so gorgeous!" (Tamaki Ryou)

Ah~The French in this was so hard! The director praised me for how I pronounced 'bois' (forest). I can be relied on for at least that much! (laughs)

5. "Fantastic Energy" Scene 3: Passionate, 'Passionate Gentleman S' - 4 votes

From Manaki Reika: "TAKARAZUKA Flower Poems 100!!" Scene 21: Black Rose, 'Black Rose S' "If I'm thinking about Masaki-san, it sort of...has to be...this scene~ It's hardcore, and energetic, and sexy...the Black Rose was amazing!"

I see~ Everyone put it in first place! Well, you're exactly right! Full points! (laughs)

This is her coolest aspect in rehearsals!

1. Lines, music, choreography...she remembers everything so fast! - 20 votes

"She'll have the whole script perfectly memorized the day after we recieve it, and she remembers the choreography faster than anyone else too!!" (Kirami Ruise)

But I forget really fast too (laughs)

2. She has amazing concentration! - 14 votes

"And then when she finally gets tired out I love her playfulness as she's like 'No wa~y, I can't remember any mo~re'" (Nagina Ruumi)

As I thought, you're a good observer. When I say 'no way' I really can't manage any more (laughs)

3. Her fashionable rehearsal clothes - 13 votes

"I love when she wears outfits that work especially because it's Ryuu-san wearing them, or outfits that only Ryuu-san could look good in (like pattern on pattern on pattern)" (Ookusu Tera)

This must have been on a bit of an off day (laughs). It's more like, stars, then dots, then another pattern on top, and it all comes together like 'ahhhh~'. Everyone, pay attention please!

4. Her smile - 11 votes

5. The way she pays attention to everyone individually - 10 votes

5. Her glittering aura - 10 votes

"Basically, the way she never loses her sparkle." (Tamaki Ryou)

Other:

"The way she holds a little onigiri with both hands while she's eating it is so cute that I always end up watching (laughs)." (Hibiki Reona)

Ahaha! (laughs) I didn't even realize I do that! (laughs)

"She always has little bags of things like gummy candies or Jagarico* in her bag so I think it's cute how she'll just pull something out and start nibbling on it!" (Ren Tsukasa)

That's right, every morning I'll fill little ziploc bags with just enough snacks for me to eat (laughs).

From Manaki Reika "This isn't just rehearsal since it includes how she is onstage as well, but...that moment where she concentrates and you can see the switch flip instantly. That aura as she suddenly switches to 'Otokoyaku Ryuu Masaki' is really wonderful <3"

But isn't this what everyone does? The heck is this...are you trying to encourage me? Yes, that's definitely it.

We want to emulate this! (from otokoyaku)

1. Her sparkle - 10 votes

"It seems like she's creating her own light...it makes me wish I could somehow get even close to that level!" (Chinami Karan)

What is this...At times like that I'm putting forth all the energy I can like 'I want to convey my feelings!' so maybe that does it.

2. The way she uses her hands - 9 votes

"Her hand movements are really wonderful. Especially when she spreads out her hands during a revue!" (Miya Rurika)

"Her hand expressions!" (Tamaki Ryou)

I feel like for otokoyaku 'the hands speak more than words', so I really pay attention to what I'm doing with them. Recently my hands have finally stopped being so pudgy so I've started to like them at last.

3. Her gaze - 5 votes

4. Kiss scenes - 3 votes

"In the rehearsals for 1789 I got to be kissed once...it was so heart-pounding..." (Hayaki Yuuto)

Hahaha! (laughs) That's right, once I was wanting to practice the scene where I force a kiss on Olympe (Saotome Wakaba/Umino Mitsuki), so I suddenly got Tsucchii to do Olympe since you were close by. You said 'I've gone back to my real-life self' afterwards (laughs).

Other:

The way her wink almost seems to make a noise. (Ranze Keito)

I put a 'Ching!!' sound effect on it internally! (laughs)

We want her to do this! (from musumeyaku)

1. Gaze at us

"I want her to gaze at me with those sparkling eyes... But at the same time I'm sure I'd surely not be able to stand it so I'd definitely just flee D'X" (Shirayuki Sachika)

If it was junior actress me, I'd be like 'I'll just stare at her until she runs away' (laughs). And while I was staring I'd study your makeup techniques (laughs).

2. Wink

"I used to just blush and not be able to do it... Since becoming Top it's as if I've put a sign out saying 'Now offering: Winks!' (laughs)"

3. Be forceful...

"In The Scarlet Pimpernel, when Chauvelin (Ryuu) was being so forceful with Marguerite (Aono Yuuki), her gestures were really dazzling...I loved it." (Amana Ruria)

Ah, here's Chauvelin, I knew it. You watch a lot! (laughs) I like being forceful as well. But I also like being sweet. Ahahaha (laughs). But isn't that what being an otokoyaku is like?! (laughs)

From Manaki Reika: "I'd like her to gaze at me steadily and stroke my cheek... Eeee! >.< <3 LOL. Yes. I love the way Masaki-san looks at musumeyaku so lovingly, and her hands are so sensitive...the way she can stroke someone's cheek so elegantly and her hands give off a feeling like 'Waaaa' >.< It's really wonderful <3 <3"

You're getting carried away with your fantasy! (laughs) But really, I do it to you so much and you want more!? (laughs)

Final comments from Ryuu Masaki:

You've made me realize once again how much all of you look after me and support me. In these remaining months I want to be cozily surrounded by all of your love! Also, I was pretty surprised by the 'We want her to do this!' section (laughs). From now on I'm going to be looking at everyone like 'this person wants me to do that to them...' (laughs)

* Jagarico is a potato crisps snack.

[todisturbtheuniverse]

First lines meme!

List the first lines of your last 20 stories. See if there are any patterns. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Tagged by @montpahrnah--thank you! I previously did a version of this in February 2016 but, you know, I’ve written a fair amount since then, so let’s remix this shit. Consider yourself tagged if you’d also like to participate!

This is like, an incredible jumble of one-off writing exercises, original unpublished stuff, and actual fic that has been posted, so...fun. It’s hard to keep track of which are the “last 20″ because I have dozens of half-finished things I start and then toss aside, but I think this is close.

No matter which way she looked at it, the witch couldn't nail exactly what made her so paranoid about the cleric. (A drabble about our Pathfinder game.)

“You predicted--” (Another drabble about our Pathfinder game.)

The bite had begun to fester. (ANOTHER.)

Though he stood unobtrusively in the corner of the loading dock, the new guy in a security vest watched Mara with narrowed eyes. (Original novel.)

She’s late. (A short story within the universe of the below short story.)

At the end of every day, her garden dies. (Main story within that universe.)

Even in the Shadowfell, Grog has to practice. (Reparations, Grog, Scanlan)

V—Suit up? Got something I could use your help with.—Ryder (Flying, falling, Vetra/Ryder)

Took a few days for Sid to cool down. (Go Easy, Vetra/Ryder, Vetra, Sid)

"SAM," Ryder asked, yanking her helmet off, "how's the water?" (Observer, Vetra/Ryder)

It's not the longest day of Grog's life. It's just damn close. (Next of Kin, Grog, Scanlan, Kaylie)

Mostly, the people Trinket travels with understand him. (A Bear Frets, Trinket, Zahra)

Kima hangs back, behind her—ugh—rescuers. (Practicality Revisited, Kima/Allura)

“I know you can’t hear me.” (Another Long Night, Vex, Trinket)

“Attachment is forbidden,” he says to her, when she returns to Coruscant empty-handed and smarting, Lux gone through her fingers like an overly enthusiastic durni incapable of comprehending that the river is too deep for him to swim in. (Fractures, Ahsoka, Anakin)

You could only go so long, flashing pretty bits of silk this way and that, before the beast you were dancing with just gored you to death out of frustration. (Derailed Metaphors, Hawke/Isabela)

"You know, in Lothering, First Day was just an excuse to check that everybody was still alive. Morbid, isn't it?" (Ornamented, Hawke/Isabela)

Katrina wakes to someone knocking—nay, pounding—on the locked door at the bottom of her stairs. (Wall Yourself Away, Inquisitor/Iron Bull)

Shepard backs toward the door. (A Little Rehearsal, Shepard/Garrus)

Varric's books painted romance in a very different light than Cassandra had ever experienced it. (In Which Tongue Will We Speak, Cassandra/Josephine)

Patterns: I typically go for those short, authoritative statements establishing what’s going on. Occasionally, depending on the character and the fic itself, there’s a much longer or more stylized sentence. Also, a line of dialogue. I go back and forth between present and past tense, based on the fic or what mood I’m in or what tense I wrote the majority of the fic in without realizing it, lol. I think these sentences are a LOT more varied than the last time I did this, so I’m happy about that.

[blazermckinnon]

SNL Dress Rehearsal 4/8/17

I went to the SNL dress rehearsal with @myloveholtzy and she wrote about it here. 

We started waiting at 6 in the NBC lobby and Kyle Mooney and Lorne Michaels walked past us! We didn’t ask for pics but we were freaking out lmao. We got in line and get checked in and get our tickets and wristbands. We don’t get to keep the tickets so we snuck a pic in the bathroom lol but no photography guys 

Then, they took us to a lounge area to wait which had nice gray couches and huge screens with snl pics and bts pics both old and new it was so cool

We waited for almost an hour until they started calling us by wristband colors and envelope numbers and lined up to take the elevator up to the studio. At this point, @myloveholtzy are start freaking out and slowly accepting that this is real!! lmao 

We get out to the hallway that leads to 8H iconic! There’s cast pics and guest host pics on the walls and chairs and couches and set pieces along the hallway. We touched one of the pics lol and we saw a room with Alec Baldwin’s name on it!!! We were a few feet away so we kept wondering if he was in there. Someone came to tell us about some rules and one of them was that the lighting director asked us to put our stuff under the chairs instead of hanging them on the back of the chairs and @myloveholtzy realizes that meant we got floor seats!!! 

They start taking us in and ohmylord it’s one of those awestruck moments like walking out on a stage on opening night. Mikey walked past our line but we didn’t say hi (they’re all super busy lol)  and we saw Beck down the hall but he was too far to say hi. There’s stage people running back and forth, moving set pieces into the studio in this really tight hallway, the band is playing vibrantly, someone takes your ticket and through all the movement and chaos, you see light. You’re in studio 8H. Wow. 

We somehow got front row seats in front of the monologue stage!? Maybe they saw we were more excited than everyone because literally we jumped and whisper/screamed to each other every time we saw something/someone lmao. But wow we got front row seats bless

The band is playing live, loud, bright music and you can feel the beating in your chest. We took this time to look around and really take everything in. I’m still blown away thinking about it, seeing this set for the first time is truly astounding. It’s one of those moments. 

8H is surprisingly small but that’s what makes it so much better. Everyone is bustling past each other, rushing to get everything in place in time. And in the midst of our excitement and awe, Lorne Michaels walks in and is literally 5 feet from us. We kept glancing at him in excitement and one of the crew members saw us being huge dorks over Lorne and laughed lol 

Michael Che did some standup and talked to some audience members to warm us up, he was pretty funny! But when he gets off stage, I turned around and saw Kenan so I’m freaking out like holy shit he’s real but then Vanessa, Sasheer, and Kate are right behind him and I’m screaming and have this huge smile on my face that I can’t get rid of for the rest of the show. They sang and danced and I wasn’t really listening to the words because I was too busy freaking out over Kate lmao but we made eye contact for a like brief second! lol 

Watching them do the sketches live is absolutely the most amazing experience. You get to see everything happen. Maybe I love behind-the-scenes stuff too much cuz I’m a massive nerd but I’m smiling like an idiot in starbucks thinking about last night lmao 

Everything is funnier when you watch it live. You get to experience a live audience laughing and it’s amazing. 

Alec Baldwin as trump was amazing, he makes it look easy on screen but as he was getting ready to go on stage and they were counting down the seconds, he was checking his reflection making sure everything was perfect and doing lip warmups (idk what they’re called). He’s really focused and in the game before he performs. I also noticed a bit of spit on his suit idk if he did that on purpose for the character or if it was just an accident lol 

When The Chainsmokers were getting ready for their first song, Louis C.K. was less than 5 feet from us on the edge of the monologue stage. He said hi to us and asked us how we’re doing and obviously I looked like a dork and forgot how to use words so I just waved and smiled like a huge dork lol 

Weekend update was so funny and Colin is adorable when he breaks character and Sasheer was AMAZING and gorgeous and hilarious and her dancing was so funny omg. Then, I see Kate waiting offstage to get on Weekend Update and @myloveholtzy and I are dying literally deceased I feel my heart pumping like crazy like I’ve seen Kate before and got pics with her but seeing her perform wow it’s unbelievable. She was sipping water from this bottle that a crew member was holding and she kept taking little sips and it was adorable and she’s so smol and she was wearing these slippers I can’t she’s adorable. Then she went behind this black screen they put up on the sides of Weekend Update so the cameras don’t get the offstage action and she was laughing at Colin & Michael’s jokes behind that screen. But she kept laughing after everyone was done laughing so you could hear her adorable giggles I can’t ohmygod I was freaking out also she caught @myloveholtzy staring lol so cute

Kate performing as Cecilia was literally the funniest thing I think I started tearing up bc I was laughing so hard and she kept touching and kissing Colin’s face it was so cute 

They also had us move around for a few sketches ( @myloveholtzy moved for 1, I moved for 2) but I didn’t mind, it was actually really cool to be like standing among the action lol

There was a sketch with Alex which was honestly an amazing sketch it was hilarious but I think they cut it for the live show

Louis broke character in the museum sketch 

The Chainsmokers Andrew Taggart was jumping around on stage before their second song and made eye contact with me and after the song (or before i can’t remember lol) he did like a little wave it was adorable

And after all these sketches, finally the cast came out for goodnights and it was so cool omg ngl I was staring at Kate the whole time but everyone out there hugging and stuff it was so cute and Beck had a bald cap on for some reason but like wow I can’t believe I actually got to experience all of this with @myloveholtzy I’m honestly so grateful for this experience and if you ever get the chance, you should definitely try to watch dress or live, it’s an unbelievable experience :) 

Also as we were leaving, Alex and Melissa walked past us no big deal (just kidding huge deal) and someone else so there you go! Hope this helped any of you who are hoping to go someday :) 

Click here for my other SNL experiences.

[datingadviceonreddit]

This is my first post ever on Reddit, so I'm not even sure if I'm in the right sub. Apologies if I'm not. What I would like is to have you all just give me your thoughts on the following situation and explain why. I ask you all this, because I pretty much know what each of my friends would say and I want a fresh set of thinkers.The story: I'm a 22 year recent college graduate, and one of my friends I made in college asked me to be his groomsmen for his wedding this past Saturday. My friend's wife is also a friend of mine as well. Around Christmas she posted on snapchat of a really attractive girl she was with that was her cousin. And feeling braver than normal I texted her and said "Drago (groom's nickname) and you always talk about how I should find me a good girl. And here you are with your gorgeous cousin. What's up with that?" She responded back and said that she actually thought we would get along great, but that she lived in Florida. I just responded with "well I tried lol." Continue on with life doing the typical college struggle of grades and etc. Well the wedding starts getting close and Drago mentions that I would be happy to see who my bridesmaid was. I told him to not worry about any of that, to just focus on the wedding and I would be fine with whoever I walked out with, again didn't think anything of it.About two days before the wedding rolls around he says "You want to see who you're paired up with? I think you'll like her." And of course it's the brides cousin that I said was attractive. I was happy it was her, but I have never met her and again it's just someone you're walking 20 steps with. Rehearsal day rolls around and I immediately see her and I'm like "Wow, she's really pretty." While everyone in the rehearsal was standing around talking, I thanked Drago for pairing me with her and that she was stunning. The rehearsal starts and I keep finding myself staring at her, I wasn't trying to but I just noticed I was staring way more than you should. Obviously, in my head I'm thinking she's going to think you're a creep. We go and practice entering and exiting the ceremony and we small talk and etc.The rehearsal dinner starts and we arrive at roughly the same time and again small talk ensues and we talk for a bit and I tried to make a few jokes and she laughed, but I didn't wanna make her feel like I was suffocating her so I intentionally went and talked to other people at the wedding. The dinner itself starts and we sit at a 12 person table and I sat down and noticed she sat down directly across from me, she actually asked her sister to trade places with her. So I was happy about that, and that's when we had an actual conversation and we had some overlapping interests. I discovered she was extremely sarcastic like me, so that made our jokes fun. Of course, she is pretty and another groomsmen Drago's brother actually tried actively making conversation with her. At first I was a little jealous, but then I said "hey this ain't about you. And you just met both of them they may already know each other somehow." This goes on for about 2 hours with me and her talking to each other the majority of the time. Then I started getting a little self conscious that I might be smothering her, so I talked to other people at the table.At the conclusion of dinner, I went up to Drago and the bride and they asked how it went and I said I thought it went well, but I couldn't tell if she liked me or was being nice. I said goodbye and proceeded to go celebrate graduation at the bar with a few of my buddies. The bride texted me and sent me her number and said here's her number if y'all wanna text and I asked if she said anything about me and said that she wouldn't mind "taking her cute groomsmen home." I said okay and said I just didn't want to text her and look dumb for texting her. I texted the wrong number because I was shit faced and so never got a reply back.Wedding day roles around and we get there talk some but she's talking to her family and she seems to be talking to Drago's brother quiet a bit. So I just say well it was fun while it lasted and go through the wedding and head to the reception party which is at her family's house and we talk some then everyone starts dancing and we're the only ones not dancing we're just standing there propped up talking. And we legitimately talk that's when it gets good. And we flirt a little back and forth. So I finally ask her "Do you like playing hard to get or are you trying to gently say get lost." And she gave a witty line that wasn't a yes or no. Finally things started to wine down and there's an after party for all the young people once the older people leave. But at this point I was like I'm gonna go out with another buddy of mine before he moves back home several states away. So I say my goodbyes to her and go to the newly weds and say bye. And they both said they were sorry for it not going well. Of course I told them it wasn't a big deal, because it wasn't. I then drove home changed and was about to go celebrate with my buddy when the bridesmaid called me. And said that she had changed her mind she was going to the after party and that I better be there. Then I heard Drago in the back ground say I better go, so I went. Party is going good I'm letting her do her thing, me do mine.Then we start talking and take a few shots, continue talking. Then two friends come up and ask me to help bring a wedding gift into the house so she follows me outside. My two friends were able to get the gift themselves and didn't need my help. And we were outside alone. And she turns to me and says "do you want to kiss me or not." We kiss for awhile, and then go to the bathroom to wipe off the lip stick on my face. Which again leads to a heavy kissing session. At this point I was like well it's been a good night, but it's not something I haven't experienced.What I haven't experienced was instead of going to a bedroom or our separate ways we kept talking, at the party. I went outside to call my buddy and tell him I wasn't coming to the bars, and she came outside and we struck a deep conversation, from me saying she liked playing hard to get and her saying I struck her as a womanizer. She said a lot of things about life that I agreed with myself especially as far as dating and etc goes. At which point I remember thinking to myself how I would really like for my wife to be like her. Then she informed me that she had been seeing a guy for a few months back in the city she lives in, but she was about to break it off with him because she didn't really feel a connection with him. And she said that she understood if I was mad at her. I wasn't mad, but I was definitely sad that someone else was seeing her. And I gave her some suggestions, about that and told her I'd been there. Then I excused myself to the restroom. I come back and talk to her and everyone else. It's about 2:30 at this point.I had done a lot of thinking about what she had told me and decided on my course of action. I told her I was leaving the party said my goodbyes to everyone. And I asked her if she'd follow me to my car and she seemed hesitant at first. But she did and we kind of went over some of the same things we talked about. And I said "Well, I'm not mad at you for seeing some guy, you just met me, but I'm a little sad. So I think you're having doubts about your guy, and for whatever reason I really like you a lot. So just as someone whose been there, I think you need to think about what you want. And think if you're being fair to you and to him, if you're still not sure, keep with him it may grow into something. If you figure that you still don't want him then you can reach out to me if you feel something with me after two days of knowing me (I made a joke slightly out of it). But I'm not gonna text you because I don't want to come in between you and him and I want to respect that. And you don't have to text me if you decide it's not worth it with me. You don't owe me anything. " She thanked me for that and said I seemed wiser than her for us to both to be 22yrs old. And said i was a genuine guy, and she thought I was attractive. She just needed sometime to get her shit together. And that it could be a few weeks before she texted me letting me know. I thought that was the end of it, I started to turn to get in my car and she got In front of me and we had one last heavy session of kissing then said good bye.Background: I have never been a guy to be love struck, I am always very logical and rational in understanding how fragile relationships are and have never been someone to get caught up in a moment. I've dated girls and I've even really been fortunate to date some incredible girls that just didn't work out, it's just not meant to be. About a year and a half ago though I dated a girl that I really cared for, and still do in a friendly way. I could've seen myself wanting to really make a go at it, but between her getting her dream E.R. Nursing job and her ex begging for her back, who was near the hospital she works at it just wasn't going to work. That one was rough but it's part of life. Once I started playing the field again, I realized that most girls my age don't want relationships but more flings. Which was fine with me. I was in college and i might as well experience it while I still could. This past 6 months though, I got really tired of one night stands and etc. And took a break to think about what I really wanted. And I decided that I really wanted to find another meaningful relationship and really pursue getting to know someone and seeing if it led to marriage. Before you say the cliché of you're young, and don't worry about it. I know what I want and this is it.Questions for your opinion: 1. Again, I've prided myself on not being an emotionally driven person. Which is why I'm having a hard time trying to decide what to do and make sense of how after two days of knowing this girl I had the thought of her being the "one". And how I struggle with getting my mind off of her in less I'm working or exercising. What are your thoughts.Should I text her?Did I totally misread her answers and was she just trying to let me down easy?Sorry this is so long but I tried to include any relevant information to give you all a good feel for the situation. I also apologize for my grammar, I'm on my phone with a cracked screen and I've spent 4 hours typing, and I also just suck at grammar. via /r/dating_advice