#also that's only me thing but it reminds me of banana fish

[unavailable-fan]

Well To begin with I think it's important to not fight the silliness when watching Bucchigiri?! it's essential to enjoy this show i guess, cause if you try to find deep and clearly stated moral lesson in every detail of it, you will be just disappointed, especially while it's still airing, because that's like not the point These characters are not model heroes with high ideals and immense willpower, they're like the opposite, they're all silly and weird in their own ways, all with flaws (and yes, even Matakara, we're just not covering his problems yet) and their interactions are just as unhinged, which makes sense, and that's cool. It makes everything interesting because there's no clear moral compass to follow yet, and some stuff just happens, but that's the comedy of it, and beauty too. That feels fresh, and of course it's not for everyone, but fighting this show's intrinsic silliness and randomness just leads to less enjoyment from it all, and it's pointless. If you want to enjoy it embrace the silliness and watch it like a bunch of seagulls fighting with tourists for junk, or like bugs living their lives under the rocks, or something. It's an open end question and all the marks will be defined randomly in this media interpretation class, enjoy the liberating feeling of knowing that author probably wanted to tell you something but realizing you have literally no idea what it was or having all 100 ideas being somehow a valid answer. Or watch it any other way, but like, don't let predefined ideas of how things should be take away from your enjoyment.

[literallyanyname]

Banana Fish Rec List

Here's a list of my favorite Bfish fics. I adore whump, so quite a few of the recs skew in that direction. Because Banana Fish whump tends to be particularly intense, I highly, highly recommend checking the tags and content warnings of each fic before reading. These aren't arranged in any particular order. Enjoy!

Love Letters by labingi

Status: Complete, 31,106 words

My Summary: Ash survives the stabbing by Lao, and goes to prison. He and Eiji exchange letters, and eventually emails, for several decades.

My Thoughts: This is one of the most nuanced, in-character BF fics out there. It is, at times, as painful as canon, but with a deeply satisfying ending. This work is a beyond gorgeous take on the BF characters. Probably my favorite on this list. Also, it is technically a Death Note crossover, but it honestly really isn't. DN elements are only mentioned a few times as a plot device.

Just Offscreen by @chaoslynx

Status: Complete, 6,728 words

My Summary: Foxx doesn't drop the cigarette in front of Ash. Foxx's men torture Ash, and he is eventually rescued by Eiji and Max.

My Thoughts: Read the tags on this one. Even for BF, it's pretty graphic. It's a really good fic though. It explores the implied elements of Banana Fish in explicit detail, and brings to the surface some of the underlying horror of canon. One common problem I see with fics and fiction generally is the tendency to use graphic subjects as a cheap shock factor. This fic does not do that. It handles the subject matter really well, and Ash's stream-of-consciousness POV is expertly done.

Eat the Elephant and its sequel, How To Walk Through Open Doors by Dodici

Status: Complete

My Summary: Ash makes it to Japan, and finds himself a little in over his head. Eiji is there to take care of him.

My Thoughts: Honestly, I really like the prose. It's really well written and the language just naturally reads like Ash's internal monologue. He says, does, and feels things without really understanding or bothering to think about why he does them in this way. The author captures Ash's perspective really well. Also, love me some realistic Eiji. I have a particular fondness for fics that flesh out Eiji's character even more than canon does. (Honestly, I get really hung up on characterization. I will usually stop reading an OOC fic)

I'll Save Myself by kanekki

Status: Complete, 30,324 words

My Summary: Instead of arriving at Dino's mansion the next day, Ash doesn't show up until about a month later. Eiji and Yut-Lung are held captive during that time. Continues until a little after the ending of the show.

My Thoughts: This is one of my personal whump favorites. Eiji undergoes a major personality shift that feels entirely realistic. He is still very much Eiji, but his time as a captive has deeply lasting effects. He also learns Yut-Lung's skill with needles, which is just cool. Also, Ash as sporadic-and-inexperienced-but-determined caretaker is an added bonus. The gang element is something of a side plot, but it's well developed. This fic really reminds me of the scene in episode 2 where Eiji is about to jump the wall and says something like "I'd rather die trying".

porgi, amor, qualche ristoro by ADreamingSongbird

Status: Complete, 18,763 words

My Summary: Ash has a very severe panic attack. Eiji comforts him through it.

My Thoughts. THIS FIC. This. Fic. It does something to me, honestly. It is just so, so tender and sweet. It's really well-written and a truly breathtaking insight into AshEiji's relationship post-canon. I reread it fairly often. The discussions of SA are handled very carefully and sensitively. Ash and Eiji are both well-written. The large volume of physical comfort feels like catharsis after canon's minimal and scattered touches, but it feels realistic. Like Ash would actually be comfortable with it in this context. It's hard to summarize exactly how much I love this fic.

Offset by superbrightsunset

Status: Complete, 3,859

My Summary: 5+1 about Eiji's physical strength as an athlete.

My Thoughts: Short, but very sweet. I love the caretaking in this fic. The style is very similar to the comfort aspects of Bfish canon. It's a good read for a quick AshEiji fix. Also, Shorter! And a light sprinkling of humor!

Save Me The Waltz (Alternate) by crowsnest

Status: Complete, 12,181 wrods

My Summary: Eiji is bfished instead of Shorter.

My Thoughts: This fic stuck in my brain for several weeks. Ash, Eiji, and Shorter all have to really go through it, but it is immensely satisfying for all three to come out alive and mostly whole in a way that seems realistic. This AU spans a few years, and leaves a lot of possible scenes to the reader's imagination. I really enjoyed reading this, especially the caretaking aspect.

Drugstore Cowboy by suffragettecity

Status: Complete, 2,048 words

My Summary: Ash goes to Shorter for a brief respite.

My Thoughts: I am in love with the atmosphere in this fic. It's uniquely platonic-ShorAsh. It's a fairly short one-shot, but the language is very immersive. There are little pieces of information scattered throughout that are deliberately unexplained, leaving the reader to make connections on their own. Overall a good read.

Okay. I might add more to this later. There are other fics I really like, but am too tired to rec. If anyone has any fics they want to share, please do!

(Also, I'm new to Tumblr and don't know the authors' tumblrs. Please tag them if you do. And if anyone wants their fic removed, please let me know and I will.)

[fategoflatass]

My Winter 2024 Watchlist & Opinions

The feared time has come. After avoiding this post like the plague, I finally put myself to write my pretty unnecessary thoughts on this season that's departing next week or so.

Admittely, it wasn't that big of a deal, but that might be because the bigger titles will come out the following season? (Should I also make a post about that?)

Anyway, let's get started!

Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu 2nd Season

Comedy, Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆☆

CW: cringey teenagers

Here, we one again get to follow our favorite middle school duo—the edgy boy and the gluttony in human form—as they grow up and find out just how complicated being a teen can be. Awkwardness, idiots and cutsie romance ensured!

This series is just so damn adorable, man! And awkward, holy fuck it can be awkward. But being a teenager is, in big part, going through the cringiest phases possible to cleanse the karma of a lifetime, so is that a bad quality or an amazing depiction of real life?

Anyway, my guys are back and I can't explain just how happy I am about it! I'm usually not that fond of school romances since, well, they tend to be too immature for what I'm currently looking for. This was made especially obvious since I began watching more and more series centered around adult characters.

But this series is quite different—they're immature, yes, but it's not as annoying as they tend to be. You know why? Because they found out about this thing called communication. Yes, they're not the greatests at it, but at least they're trying!

I've been thinking on checking the manga out, although I haven't decided yet. If anyone here has read it/is up to date, should I get into it or wait until next season comes out?

BUCCHIGIRI?!

Action, Supernatural // ☆☆

CW: big ammounts of cringe

Arajin Tomoshibi's reunion with his old pal Matakara Asamine takes an unexpected turn when they stumble into a brawl with the toughest guys in town. And just when you thought things couldn't get weirder, a colossal genie decides to drop in. Brace yourself for the ultimate showdown. It's the clash of the cool and the magical!

(Yes, I stole the summary from AniList. Couldn't bother to write something down for this one).

This series comes from Utsumi Hiroko—the same woman who worked on Free! and Banana Fish, the mind behind SK8; one of my biggest comfort shows. And honestly, it shows!

Because BUCCHIGIRI?! is an amalgamation of all her previous ones.

You have the childhood friend pair composed of the Gentle Giant™ (who's quite literally Makoto 2.0, personality and appareance wise) and a dude who has only one goal in life—for Haru, it was to swim free style. For Arajin, is to get laid. And no, I'm not kidding.

Then you get the delinquents (I refuse to call them gangs. They remind me too much to the Tokyo Revengers guys, and I despise that show) and their corresponding leaders—the fruity freak (who I love, ngl) with the obssesive, brocon little sister (who I despise, ngl), the big ass bitch whose age's unknown but seems too old to be hanging around teens, and later on we get a guy who reminds me a lot of Jamil from Twisted Wonderland only that he's utterly pathetic, a professional crybaby and, overall, unbearable—entirely different from my totally cool and more than respectable guy.

There's not much to say about the rest of the cast since they're forgettable to a fault, having little to not charisma. Expect for the skirt guy, he's neat.

When it comes to the supernatural side of things, ugh. The dude who follows Arajin around is exasperating and so cringey I tend to skip fowards when I know a joke—the joke, the only thing he knows besides fighting—is coming.

Speaking of which, the fight scenes are cool, MAPPA doing their best as always. I just wish they would beat up Arajin more often (and that he didn't have to scream his primal urges every time he's going for a punch).

And, for fuck's sake, don't get me started on Arajin. He's the worst protagonist this woman has ever come out with—zero charisma, a total asshole, a terrible friend, and a guy who'd make you want to die if he ever got a crush on you.

I'll cut it here since it's getting too long and I don't wanna get into spoiler territory (in case anyone cares about that), but yeah. I don't recommend, at all. Go watch her other shows instead.

Dungeon Meshi

Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy // ☆☆☆¾

CW: blood, death, violence

While exploring a dungeon, the adventurer Laios and his party are confronted by and lose against a red dragon—they're left without money, provisions and Laios' sister. But not everything is lost, since they can still save her while the creature digests its food. The problem is, they can't fight with an empty stomach!

The best show of the season, hands down. Not like it had much competition to begin with, but anyway.

When I first heard about the show's plot, I admit it, it didn't call me at all. But certain someone (*cough* @arataka-reigen *cough*) convinced me to give it a try. And here we are!

Honestly, I haven't had a laugh like this with an anime in so long! Not only because of the jokes, but the characters are perfectly designed for the viewer to laugh with and, most importantly, at them. I actually have the theory that they're the ones responsible for the BUCCHIGIRI?! cast's lack of charisma. I mean, they had to steal it from somewhere—is too much!

From what I know, more characters are yet to appear (I saw a catgirl and, as a cat lover, I just gotta see the catgirl) and the story gets darker with time (in case episode eleven wasn't enough hint for you).

I can't wait to see what this story has to offer next!

Gekai Elise

Comedy, Fantasy, Romance // ☆☆½

CW: tracheotomies without gloves

In seek of redemption, Takamoto Aoi becomes a doctor to help those who she would've either mistreated or ignored in her past life. Sadly, she gets involved in a plane crash and dies—only to wake up as her past self, ten years before her demise! She'll now look to become a surgeon once again, in the hopes of changing her fate.

If I had to describe it with one word, it would be meh.

The characters, the plot, the romance—it's all pretty average. A wet piece of cardboard is way more interesting than the entire cast and the story put together. The love story is whatever, not engaging enough to get me interested on their scenes.

What I would've liked is if they went on and changed the affections names for something more fantasy-ish or that has to do with the world in which they live in—I highly doubt these people knew about the existence of Dr. James Parkinson, so why would they name a disease after him? That sorta thing, you know?

But anyways, basic ass story with basic ass characters, and I'm a fool for having given it a chance.

And if I may ask, where the hell is the lamp?!

HIGH CARD Season 2

Action, Fantasy // ☆☆½

CW: cultural appropiation (?), blood, some violence

The High Card team keeps on fighting to mantain peace in the city, all meanwhile some of its members are still dealing with past consequences. But when new trouble surrounding the cards surges, they have to get to work to save the day once again!

Look, if the summary ain't shit is mainly because this show has me so uninspired. The only reason why I didn't steal it from AniList is because it doesn't have one.

In case anyone wonders why I'm still watching this show, same. I guess season one wasn't that bad for me to go and drop it, so I decided to give it a second chance. Do I regret it? Mmh, kinda.

To be honest, it's not entirely bad. I mean, it's certainly worst than its predecessor, but it had an interesting section that had me paying a little more attention than usual for like, two episodes or so. And then it lost me again.

The section I'm talking about is around episodes five to seven, where—and spoiling as little as I can—things get rather dramatic. It felt like a cry for help disguised as character growth that did nothing, absolutely nothing, to the characters themselves. They could've skipped those episodes and it would've been business as usual.

In the first two episodes we get introduced to his superhero-like guy who loves spitting random words in Spanish and, no, he's not even Hispanic. Then, he proceeded to not appear for the rest of the season. At least for now, we're currently in episode ten. But even if he were to appear once again, I don't think there's enough time to develop him or create a plot surrounding his cringey ass.

Also, and this might be petty as hell: they never explain why the cards look like the poker ones? I mean, they shared the lore behind them, yet that didn't explain this? How did they come out with the cards' and combination's names if they're supposed to not be poker related?

Hime-sama, "Goumon" no Jikan desu

Comedy, Fantasy // ☆☆¼

CW: none

Amidst the war between their kingdoms, the Princess is captured and imprisoned by the demons alongside her mythical sword and companion, Excalibur. It all seems grim for these two but, when the time comes around, the demons' torture methods seem a bit... gourmet?

I came into this show solely because of the trailer. What can I say? It looked nice. And to be honest, the entires series does.

These type of shows don't tend to be my cup of tea, but I thought it could turn out to be something similar to Maou-jou de Oyasumi—something that doesn't catch me at first, yet its second half leaves me wanting some more of those charismatic characters (Twilight my beloved).

The problem here is that God, it's repetitive. This series has one sole formula and will repeat it till the end of times, with barely some exceptions.

As LunarEquinox would put it, "it not her being tortured, it's you being tortured by repitition".

Kyuujitsu no Warumono-san

Comedy, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆½

CW: none

Planet Earth and its habitants are in danger; they've become the main target of an evil intergalactic organization who seeks to rule the world! The Rangers do everything in their power to defend the citizens from the General—but today's his day off.

Another fluffly, non plot-centric series. But this one I'm quite fond of.

I guess it's because I really like the «gap moe» concept? The difference between the protagonist's intimidating and powerful look at work and his casual, awkward and panda-obsessed self once he's home it's pretty adorable. It's like he goes from being a lion to one of those long ass domestic cats who'd let you hold him if close enough—only that I think he's supposed to be a lizard(?) of some sorts.

But it's not only him; you also get to see his coworkers with are all very formidable, and even the Rangers themselves. Red having no sense of orientation whatsoever is too relatable, I hate it here.

Not much to say, really. It's just a show about a long ass dude on a trenchcoat whose (most probably, undiagnosed) autism gets him to buy anything panda-related. If he were to become the ruler of the new world, I wouldn't oppose to it.

Loop 7-kaime no Akuyaku Reijou wa, Moto Tekikoku de Jiyuu Kimamana Hanayome Seikatsu wo Mankitsu Suru

Fantasy, Romance // ☆☆☆¾

CW: violence, mentions of war

Rishe Irmgard Weitzner, a duke's daughter, has lived many lives—and it's not a saying. For the past few decades, she's been trapped in a timeloop where her engagement gets called off at age fifteen and, from then fowards, she's decided to go down different paths. A merchant, a doctor, a maid—whatever called her attention. Is in her seventh time she become subject of the affections of infamous crown prince, Arnold Hein—the very same man who'd killed her in one of her past lives as a knight. When he asks Rishe to become his wife, she decides to utilize her every skill to avoid the upcoming war.

This one's different from the others, in the sense that I wasn't there when the first episode premiered. I guess it hadn't caught my attention (and the way they colored the hairs looked so bad to me at times, and still does). But again, certain someone began posting about it and I couldn't help myself.

I found this series to be a tad more interesting than the average female public-centric fantasy series. They actually cared to build an appealing plot with its politics and all, while also giving us an attractive main couple whose chemistry is quite nice. I like it when the characters banter, they go back and forth a little bit, but still show feelings for each other—is entertaining, isn't it?

While it's not my favorite series from this season, I do find it highly recommendable—independently of whether you're already into this type of shows or you'd like to give them a try.

Majo to Yajuu

Action, Adventure, Drama, Fantasy // ☆☆

CW: violence, blood

A guy carrying a coffin alongside his companion appear in a town, searching for the witch who cursed her and fighting some others in the meantime.

I love dark fantasy stories, so when I stumbled upon this show it grabbed my attention almost immediately. The whole concept of wiches, curses and different types of magic has always been a concept I quite enjoy. When it's well done, that is.

What Majo to Yajuu brings to the table is an uninspired series that unapologetically grabs concepts from other stories similar in concept, and doesn't even try to do anything new with them. The magic system is has is so average and uninteresting, and the same happens with the different conflicts that surround the main plot.

And even when it is supposed to have a more mature tone, there are times where they spoon feed you basic information as if you were too stupid to comprehend the intricacies of something you've seen multiple times—not even in other places, but in the same show, even the same episode.

The characters are heavily boring, the main duo being the most salvable of all. They do have some chemistry, but it's just not enough.

Anyways, just another letdown.

Metallic Rouge

Action, Mystery, Sci-Fi // ☆½

CW: violence

In a future where humankind coexists with androids called Neans, a group of them known as the Immortal Nine rises to cause havoc in society. Rouge, a Nean, alongside investigator Naomi are tasked with going all the way to Mars to stop them.

Also known as Bones' 25th Anniversary project, Metallic Rouge arrived to put many interesting question on the table—question that have been talked about multiple times in movies and series revolving androids and robots, yet is always cool to see what different authors have to say about the matter.

Sadly, the way they decide to manage the story is quite futile when it comes to enjoyment. That is, they decided to take the "show, don't tell" narrative route—something we've seen in series like Tengoku Daimakyou, and damn if it worked there. The thing is that this narration style is rather complicated, and can't be saved if done wrong.

Well, guess what happened?

Whether it's the scripwriters' fault or not, I've no idea. The only thing I know for sure is that they fucked up. The give you little to no information, which doesn't help the viewer to try solving the mystery by themselves nor succeeds at keeping them engaged. The only thing attractive enough are the fight scenes, but they become more are more scarse as the episodes go on. Is then when the staff realizes they messed things up, and as a result you get episode nine—a huge ass info dump, with twists that no one would've been able to guess since they hadn't given us enough hints to even get a hunch of what could be going on.

An absolute mess and a masterful class on how not to do things.

Ninja Kamui

Action, Adventure, Drama, Sci-Fi // ☆☆☆¾

CW: death, fire, blood, violence

Higan is a retired ninja who lives in hiding with his family in rural America. One night, assassins from his former organization end up slaughtering both his wife and son due to him breaking their ancient code. Now seeking for revenge, Higan goes back to his old ways in the means to make them pay.

This one is such a wild ride! From the same director who worked on Jujutsu Kaisen's first season, we get an action-packed revenge series.

Yes, it might not be the most original or complex plot of all times, yet that's not its main focus. What it is its main focus are the fight scenes which are absolutely amazing, so fluid and entertaining. You won't be able to take your eyes from the screen!

Even then, the characters are compelling enough for you to either root for them or hope for the hero to end their lives once and for all.

This series is an absolute banger and no one should sleep on it!

Ore dake Level Up na Ken

Action, Adventure, Fantasy // ☆☆½

CW: death, violence, blood, edgelords

After being slaughtered by monsters in a dungeon that was far from matching his rank, Jinwoo, or "the weakest Hunter of all" as called by many others, wakes up only to find out he now that the "System" by his side. This program that only he can see will help him do the impossible—level up.

So here we are, huh.

The biggest anime this season, and it's a fucking power fantasy with extra steps. I swear to God...

Jinwoo is a boring ass piece of wet cardboard, which is meant for the viewer to find it easier to self-insert as him. Those around him are either beings with no personality at all, default mean guys, or the love interest that just has to be there to tell us just how cool and attractive the protagonist has become—not like we needed her for that, since everyone is a simp for that guy for some hell of a reason—and to be saved because she'd be dead without him.

The only thing worth your time would be the action scenes, but since they depend so much on the viewer's hype, and that mainly comes from those who root for the protagonist, it just doesn't work on me.

This shit's boring, man.

Yubisaki to Renren

Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆½

CW: ableism

Yuki is just your average college student who struggles with classes as one does. One day, she gets helped in the train by an upperclassman named Itsuomi. That's when he finds out that she's actually deaf.

One of the most hyped up series from this season, and for good reasons. Not only is a shoujo—sadly, this series don't tend to get anime adaptations as often as their counterparts—, but is a rather well known one.

To the surprise of no one, this is one fluffy series! The characters are all charismatic and sweet, some more than others, and their personalities and struggles feel very human.

The romance is adorable, although I have it hard to not see Itsuomi as someone who's trying to complete a dating speedrun—might be my demi ass, but they've known each other for like, what, two to three months? And they're already dating?

Yuki's deafness is touched upon with such respect, except for when Oushi opens his fucking mouth. I don't know if it's him or the author themself who sugarcoats his ableism as if it came from sheer worry for her future, but saying deaf people should stay at home is in no way a cool thing to say or think. I doubt he'll stay like this forever, but warning you just in case it results uncomfortable for someone.

To end on a more positive note, I love the fact that they center so much around the character's lip movements! It just feels right for the themes that the series touches upon.

Yuuki Bakuhatsu Bang Bravern

Action, Comedy, Mecha // ☆☆☆½

CW: violence, war, torture (it's just one scene)

In a world where the military utilizes mechas as weapons, Oahu island, where both the Japanese and American troops are located at the moment, gets attacked by an unknown, intergalatic enemy. They'll now have to join forces to defend the planet.

I think it was Mother's Basement's video that convinced me to give this show a chance and, honestly? I don't quite regret it. After all, I like parodies and mechas, so why not combine both?

Given, I haven't watched every mecha anime there is out there—and with that, I mean that I've yet to watch Gundam which I think was a major inspiration for this one series. But even if you haven't watched it either, that doesn't mean you won't get to enjoy it.

It does make references to the genre's different tropes, yeah, but it serves as a standalone. The comedy works even if it's your first mecha series since some scenes are just so absurd.

The characters are cool, each and every one of them having enough charisma for you to be able to remember them through the entire season. They all have enough chemistry with each other to make their bonds belieable.

With time, the series starts leaving the comedy aspect aside and gets more centered around its actual plot—although the laughs never truly leave. And it actually works, which I admit surprised me a bit.

A series curious enough I think you should give it a chance.

[neonscandal]

In what specific moments from Banana Fish & BNHA, that made you sure that Ash and Bakugou are special, that made them your favorite characters?

Agh, my boysssss! You had to dig deep in the asks for that specific lore. But, you must already know a little something to have honed in on these two characters specifically.

Generally, I love both of these characters for the same reason:

Enigmatic.They are introduced as brazen, arrogant and crude only to be exposed for their softness and complexity with time. They're onions (thank you Donkey from Shrek).

Intelligent nerds. Ash is literally prodigal and spends his time in the New York Library, nerd. Bakugo is quick-witted with an incredible battle sense and a grandpa bedtime, nerd.

Sarcasm. The above goes hand-in-hand with their intelligence but they're funny and flippant which makes them both abrasive but also entertaining. I love that they're both little shits.

Trauma. Both characters undergo trauma that is overlooked, to a degree, or minimized because of the nature of their character without allowing consideration for the fact that they may be rough around the edges as a response. The more you learn about their character, origin, motivations, it just endears you to them. Or at least that's what it did for me.

Bravado. In line with all the above, I think their overconfidence or the appearance of such also pushes them into corners where, even when scared or at a loss, they have no choice but push forward because its what people look to them for.

Redemption. Both of them carry burdens without a clear path forward but, ultimately, come around to doing what they think is the right thing for the people they care about. Even while battling their inner demons.

Kins.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for Banana Fish (anime) and MHA through chapter 410.

This scene, for starters.

Aslan Jade Callenreese

Arthur vs Ash, Final Showdown - At this point in the story, we've seen the things that Ash can and will do to protect his gang and we've come to understand that a 17 year old comes to be a fearsome gang leader by being as strong as he is ruthless, sometimes. But Eiji's introduction into his life creates a feeling of something he needs to protect and keep soft. I think what was compelling about the showdown with Arthur is how he was totally fine until he realized Eiji was there. It made him angry but, more likely, it made him fearful that Eiji would see in him the wretched person he believes himself to be. That fear is human and it shows he's not as stoic as he pushes himself to be.

Shooting at Cape Cod - Taking the story to Cape Cod was a choice. It was a temporary beat from the chaos of what would always follow them, as long as they still kept scratching at the mystery of what banana fish was. But Cape Cod also provided additional texture to Ash's character while beautifully illustrating how soft and carefree he could be before reality brings him back to himself. Showing Eiji to shoot and relaxing into the fun of it before being coldly reminded that he is who he is (not so much by Max but in realizing he was being perceived). Cape Cod is his origin and it is hideous and sad but, in the space of these moments, the trauma of it doesn't tarnish who he is. But it shows how and why he hides so much of himself.

Fear of Halloween - AGAIN, I love how you have this military trained (under Golzine's direction and Blanca's tutelage) who has undergone heinous trauma at the hands of pretty much every adult in his life. He grits his teeth and bares it, he pushes forward tempered by these horrible experiences but remains incredibly soft and vulnerable. His fear of Jack-o-Lanterns is just so unexpected and fodder for Eiji but I think it highlights something wholesome and sad in Ash.

Ash in Glasses. That's it, that's the justification.

Simply, Ash is a survivor and he deserved better than thinking he should crawl back to the library and die, discarded. I think the moments that endear him to me most are those unexpected bouts of vulnerability mixed into the facade he has to hold to simply survive in the life that a perfect storm of circumstances forged. Additionally, I think these moments are not just specific to Ash but typical of the chemical reaction between he and Eiji because it's Eiji who unlocks his vulnerability as the person who never wanted anything from him but for him to come home safe.

Katsuki Bakugo

Sludge Monster Villain - That desperate and pleading look that he shoots Midoriya is really the first glimpse of what's beneath all his bluster and it's the very moment that sets off Midoriya's hero origin story. It's also the first bit of trauma that just gets... glossed over in the story. See below for Useless Victory.

Sports Festival - The way he faces Uraraka earnestly (which is so grotesquely misconstrued by viewers) because of his general attitude and perception. I really need to wrap up all my Manga With Me chapters because most of the guys in Class 1A continue to overlook and underestimate the girls of Class 1A and 1B but Bakugo, quite earnestly, gives Uraraka the respect and consideration she deserves.

Useless Victory at the Sports Fest - Bakugo is so incredibly principled. He could take the easy win but, in his heart of hearts, if he couldn't beat Todoroki at his full strength, then he can never truly think that he bested Midoriya. He acts out in ways that are not understood by the readers or even the spectators in universe. Ultimately, they muzzle and shackle him echoing in the same way that the Sludge villain. The act shows the League of Villains and anyone else watching the best way to incapacitate him and also further likens him to a villain in the eyes of spectators who continue to vilify him.

The Little Ways He Cares - For the sake of not expounding too much, I thought to consolidate this into one bullet but really, Bakugo is like... so awkward. Like, he might want to connect with others but he has no idea how but I just know he thinks he's really doing something by being an enigmatic wall of fortitude.

1. Having Denki use his quirk to break the tension after the rescue crew got in trouble after saving him from the LOV and making it a point to pay Kirishima back. 2. The way he tries to be civil to Todoroki (because he's an eavesdropping little shit) 3. The way he subtly galvanizes Class 1A's effort for the school festival. 4. "When you guys are in danger, I will save you. When I'm in danger, you guys save me." 5. All of My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising 6. Being in Todoroki's room ahead of the war to face off against Dabi, even if he had no words to offer in consolation. 7. Telling Best Jeanist to look after everyone knowing he was about to sacrifice his life in the face off with Shigaraki

Character Growth Unencumbered by an Unreliable Narrator - As Midoriya begins to shelter his heart in later chapters, we start seeing more insight into Bakugo's true nature. His features soften, we see more of his Midoriya-centered thoughts, we comprehend the depth of his insecurities and how his past behavior was eating him up inside. There's a beautiful conclusion to his story as a hero, Kacchan Bakugo, with his fist held high. Paying homage to the man he looked up to (All Might and Midoriya), victorious in saving his idol and setting his childhood friend up to achieve certain victory. I can't wait to see how his story ends.

[quibbs126]

Today I learned there’s a bunch of interesting shrimp, and now I want them as Cookies

I’m just going to list some I found today. I’ve already talked about Pistol Shrimp, so I won’t talk about it here

Harlequin Shrimp:

Like where do these things start and end? I don’t know, but they look really cool. I heard they can also change color based on their mood. If you were to make them a Cookie, I’d say make them a clown, perhaps for a rival circus to the Big Top Circus (that was the name of Banana and Ice Juggler’s circus, right?)

Amano Shrimp:

Okay, so maybe they’re not the most interesting looking, and maybe also not the most interesting, but still. Though also I hear that they change color based on their diet? I dunno. But what I was looking at that I thought was interesting was that they’re apparently very active cleaners. I feel like you could make them a cleaner that’s also very particular about messes, and perhaps a bit of a germaphobe? Like, if they see a mess, they just have to clean it

Vampire Shrimp:

(They apparently come in multiple colors, so I just got a few different pictures of different colors)

I think what makes them most interesting is that despite their size (apparently they’re pretty big, at least for shrimp) and name, they’re apparently rather calm and non aggressive. Also they’re supposedly pretty shy and reclusive. Honestly, it kind of reminded me of Dark Choco Cookie, which is probably a big reason I like them. Also they’re very big and bulky, which makes them look kind of cute to me, I don’t know why. Also they only come out at night, which is probably another reason for their name

I don’t have much in terms of ideas for a Vampire Shrimp Cookie, other than people finding them scary at first, only to realize they’re really not. I just wanted to show you them (also I feel like using this for a Dark Choco/Lobster kid if I ever do one)

Ghost/Glass Shrimp:

I mostly just added them because it’s an easy “ghost Cookie” if you wanted to have one. Also they’re see through, which is cool

Bay Ghost Shrimp:

Apparently these shrimps are soft, or at least softer than other shrimp. Also they have asymmetrical claws, as you can see. They apparently spend a lot of time burrowing. I’m also running out of ideas for how to turn this into a Cookie, but I thought it was neat. I suppose it would be something pertaining to its digging abilities

I think I’m gonna stop here, but still, cool shrimp

Edit: oh, also, another one, Boxer Shrimp, also known as Banded Coral Shrimp, among other names

Apparently they use their claws to clean fish and remove things like algae and parasites from them to eat. Also they can sense fish with their antenna apparently. I’d say either go the obvious route of a boxer, or something to do with their cleaning thing, though I don’t know what. Perhaps some sort of doctor? Maybe just confined to other sea creatures?

Also Fairy Shrimp

I wasn’t able to find much on them, but they’re relatively large and slow and typically used as food. Also they like to swim upside down. They’d probably make for a more cute Cookie

You know, I find it kind of ironic how I’m now thinking shrimp are really cool, despite the fact that my dad is allergic to shrimp (and I’m not sure if I am), and my family just generally dislikes seafood

[thatsadroleplayer]

Roleplay information

About me!

Kia Ora! My name is Roman. I am genderfluid and use any pronouns. I enjoy roleplaying, of course, writing, art, reading and a whole bunch of other new stuff. I am open to friends outside of roleplaying, if that is something you'd want. I am from New Zealand! This is just a post about information when it comes to roleplaying that I find important!

Fandoms

(This will go in order of current hyperfixations, etc, although that is subject to change and will be edited when necessary)

The last of us (will base it more around the show but I've also seen playthroughs of both games)

9-1-1

Criminal minds

Sanders sides

Stranger things

Marvel

DC

Buddy daddies

Banana fish

Sk8

Characters

(This will go in order of favourites to least favourites to play as, if the character isn't listed but is a main character in the show it means I likely won't play them)

The last of us

Ellie Williams

Joel Miller

9-1-1

Eddie Diaz

Evan Buckley

Bobby Nash-Grant

Maddie Buckley

Christopher Diaz

Athena Grant-Nash

Hen Wilson

May Grant

Chim Han

Criminal minds

Spencer Reid

Emily Prentiss

Penelope Garcia

Jennifer Jareau

Derek Morgan

Tara Lewis

David Rossi

Aaron Hotchner

Sanders sides

Roman

Patton

Virgil

Janus

Logan

Remus

Stranger things

Steve Harrington

Eddie Munson

Robin Buckley

Max Mayfield

Eleven/El/Jane

Will Byers

Lucas Sinclair

Marvel

Peter Parker

Yelena Belova

Clint Barton

Kate Bishop

Natasha Romanoff

America Chavez

Bucky Barnes

Bruce Banner

Tony Stark

Wade Wilson

Steve Rogers

DC

Jason Todd

Dick Grayson

Tim Drake

Damian Wayne

Wally West

Roy Harper

Donna Troy

Garth

Kon Kent

Jon Kent

Bruce Wayne

Clark Kent

Diana Prince

Buddy Daddies

Kazuki Kurusu

Rei Suwa

Miri Unasaka

Kyutaro Kugi

Banana fish

Yut Lung Lee

Ash Lynx

Shorter Wong

Sing Soo-Ling

Eiji Okumura

Blanca

Sk8

Tadashi Kikuchi

Kaoru Sakurayashiki (Cherry)

Kojiro Nanjo (Joe)

Reki Kyan

Langa Hasegawa

Miya Chinen

Rules

Do not spam me, I have to sleep, go to school, spend time with friends, etc. If I do not respond within twelve hours, then you are welcome to begin to send me reminders.

I will only rp NSFW if it is something the roleplay is leading up to, I will not do a lot of it and it cannot be the main point of the roleplay.

Do not take control of my characters, if you want something to happen then you can speak tome about it and we can figure it out together.

Respect my boundaries, if I tell you something makes me uncomfortable or I don't want to do it do not push me.

My dms are open! If you have ideas and want to do them with me feel free to reach out! I am open to trying other fandoms other than what I have listed, so feel free to suggest things. If I don't know the fandom/haven't finished whatever it is then I will let you know. If is your decision from there whether you wish to continue or find someone better suited.

Communicate with me! I will not know what is going on if you don't communicate. If there's a scene you want to do, if you have to be offline for a while, etc don't be afraid to talk to me! I will do the same.

I welcome any and all identity headcanons except if you make gay characters straight. I often headcanon characters as trans myself.

I am open to ship suggestions, I will tell you if it makes me uncomfortable but if you suggest an obviously problematic ship I will simply block you.

I prefer long responses, but I will try my best to match whatever length you use.

I will not play abusive characters if they are a main character. If they're a side character that is fine, but if they are a main character I won't do it.

I do not have triggers but if you're going to include something that could be triggering please warn me first, it makes me uncomfortable when those kinds of things are suddenly sprung on me.

If you do not follow these rules you will be given a max of three warnings before I will just block you and/or stop replying.

If you think any of this fits you feel free to reach out! Whether you have an idea already or would like to come up with one together!

[focsle]

Could we hear some of the food Mary was writing about?

Sure!

She entertained captains on board when gamming with other ships, and that’s when the food bounty tended to come out. Often the foods were a mix of what was available to them (i.e. if they recently caught fish or found shellfish, got tropical fruit from a provisioning stop, etc.), and things other captains gave her as gifts that she saved for such occasions.

Captain Chatfield went out this forenoon, so that we only had two captains to dine with us, Captains Jernegan and Lester. Had a fish chowder, a large stuffed and baked fish, coffee, bread and butter and preserves, and a roll pudding. Had some huckleberry pies made for supper, but they did not stop.

Holidays were also an occasion for fancier food than usual. Here’s Christmas:

Minnie hung up her stocking last night. She was fearful that she should get nothing in it, as we could not go to the store, but she succeeded as well for eatables as if she had been at home. We had quite a Christmas dinner: roast chickens, stuffed, potatoes, turnips, onions, stewed cranberries, pickled beets and cucumbers, and a plum duff. For tea I had a tin of preserved grape opened and cut a loaf of fruitcake.

Everyone seemed to love her daughter Minnie, who was 5-9 years old over the course of the voyage. Whaling wives and—more rarely seen—their children, were definitely a domestic novelty.

We all passed a very pleasant day, Captain Winegar enjoying it very much; it reminded him so strongly of home. Minnie attracted much notice as usual. She is generally the center of attention with company. She is not afraid to speak, and her replies are generally to the point and usually interspersed with some salt remarks. The captain gave me a couple pounds of green tea, a couple tins of preserved pineapple, and a few shells. I forgot to mention that we carried him a little pig and gave him a piece of fresh pork. The cook gave Minnie a little china cup and saucer, which pleased her very much. For dinner we had a roast duck, potatoes, onions, some very nice biscuit, coffee, mince pie, and for dessert preserved peaches, pineapples, and quinces. For supper we had oysters, cold duck, biscuit, preserved pears, mince pie, doughnuts, and cookies, Captain Winegar doing the honors very well. We arrived home delighted with our visit.

Here’s Minnie celebrating her 8th birthday by presiding over a tea party with a bunch of whaling officers, that her mom prepared.

We set the table and called the officers down about half-past 7 P.M. Minnie was so happy she hardly knew what to do with herself, and I think we all enjoyed it pretty well. The officers all united in saying that they had not sat down to such a table since they left home. The treat consisted of a plate of sister Celia’s fruitcake, two loaves of cupcake frosted, two plates of currant jelly tarts, and a dish of preserved pineapple, also hot coffee, good and strong, with plenty of milk and white sugar. After we had finished there was ample supply left, which was sent into the steerage for boatsteerers, etc.

In addition to tea party leftovers being sent to the boatsteerers, foods were also made for the foremast hands as a special occasion too.

Luxuriated today in roast chickens for the cabin, and a pork sea pie for the forecastle, with occasional lunches of pineapple, bananas, and coconuts.

There were some struggles with her cooking ventures too, however:

This afternoon we killed two hens; Cynthia and Coopie. It made Minnie feel very sad to have Cynthia killed. I must not allow her to name her chickens for her friends; it makes her feel so badly when they are killed. […] I made our chickens into a pie today. The officers said it seemed like home. It was not baked well; the crust was not done. I should have more courage to make knickknacks if I could attend to the baking of them, but of course it would not do for me to go into the galley.

All in all the fare was quite fine compared to…food on whaleships in general.

[lailyn]

Sole Provider

Characters: Loki/Tony Stark, Stephen Strange, Christine Palmer

Summary: Tony should have just let Loki order the fish.

___________________

Tony let out a groan.

“Are you alright, Anthony?” Loki asked politely. 

“Sole meunière again?”

“Is this not a seafood restaurant?” Loki queried. “Do they not serve fish? Please don’t tell me this is one of those pretentious fusion places that put chicken korma into a sushi and call it a taco.”

“Okay, that sounds bizarre but also kinda delicious. No, I mean, yes, this is a seafood place but come on, there’s gotta be something else you can try.”

“Why? I share Julia Child's sentiment, no other dish can quite compare. It is simple yet elegant and absolutely delicious."

"I don’t know why we bother going out to eat if you're going to be ordering the same thing everytime,” Tony complained. 

"Funny you should say that. It is a luxury afforded me only here on Midgard.”

Tony blinked, momentarily confused. "But you're a prince.”

“Was.”

“You and your brother, you can’t be any more different,” Tony said, shaking his head in amazement. “I mean, I've seen the way Thor eats, he’s always telling us stories of the feasts you guys used to have back in the day.”

“Ah yes.” Loki made a face. “The feasts. Norns forbid I should develop an affinity for anything. Father would make sure it would never appear at our table again.”

“Why?” Tony braced himself for another gruesome story about Odin and his inimitable parenting style. “Isn’t feeding your kids what they like a universally good thing?”

“Not if it makes it easier for people to poison them,” Loki said darkly. “You shouldn’t be so predictable in life, Anthony. You make it easy for someone to put a knife to your throat when you sleep in the same bed every night.”

“That’s why all my penthouses have ten bedrooms, minimum,” Tony said dryly. "Remind me to get the builder in this week so I can make you a secret compartment for all your daggers."

"There is no safer place for my daggers than on my person," Loki said.

"Where do you keep them anyway? Yeah, I know they're on your person, but where exactly on your person?"

"For all your exploring, you still haven't figured that out?" Loki teased. "I suppose Thor never told you about Mjollnir? He could make it so tiny he could carry it everywhere."

"I can't believe I'm saying this but can we please get back to the topic?" Tony pleaded. "You said you were starving. I'm just saying, maybe eat something substantial? Hey, look, soft shell crabs are in season. Let's get that."

Loki sneered. "I don't trust anything that cannot decide if they want to live on land or in water."

"That must be related to some shapeshifter logic I know nothing about but does the habitat really matter as long as it tastes good?"

"And yet you claim to have a very discerning palate."

"For whisky, sure."

"So your last meal on Earth would be - ?"

"Cheeseburgers, yeah."

________________

Loki poked his fork into the mound of deep-fried things. "Crabs aren't supposed to be this soft. Has this gone bad? Things go mushy when they go bad, right? Like bananas and dead bodies?"

“Bambi, this is a three Michelin star restaurant," Tony said patiently. "Any fresher than that you're gonna have to peel the shells off the moulting crabs yourself."

"And bring Njord's wrath upon my head? No, thank you."

"Then you'd better dig in. I'm sure your god friend would want you to enjoy and appreciate all the bounties of the sea."

"The things I do for you, Stark…" Loki twirled his fork around a few strands of pasta and a piece of crab. 

Tony watched Loki chew slowly at first, before picking up pace, swallowing the first mouthful with an appreciative hum.

"That went down easy," Tony observed happily. 

He was about to dig into his own dish, an exquisite squid ink pasta dish with abalone and mussels, when Loki began coughing. 

Tony looked up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Something just went down the wrong way," Loki coughed harder. He thumped his chest with his fist several times. "Excuse me."

“It's not spicy, is it?" Tony asked, filling Loki’s glass with some water from the pitcher. "Here, drink this."

Loki gave a vehement shake of the head, clenching the table in a white-knuckled grip as he let out a string of harsh, painful-sounding coughs. 

Tony watched in growing horror as Loki grabbed his throat.

"Tony," he called hoarsely. "I can't -  breathe - "

Tony scrambled out of his chair, just as Loki toppled off of his. "Loki!"

Hearing the thump from Loki's unceremonious landing on the floor, the nearby tables began to gather around theirs. 

Tony held his lover's lolling head between his hands. Loki's chest rose up and down but he could not seem to get a single breath in. "Loki!"

"Is he choking?" A man asked loudly. "Does anybody know Heimlich?"

"Somebody call an ambulance!"

"Oh my God, he's turning blue!"

"Excuse us!" A loud voice and a louder man pushed through the crowd. "Can everybody step back and give us some room?"

"What are you doing to him?" Tony demanded. 

The tall, grumpy-looking man ignored him and simply focused on loosening Loki's tie and exposing his chest.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Tony was about to grab the man, when a hand landed on his shoulder.

He turned around to see a petite red-haired woman smiling down at him.

"It's alright, we're doctors," she said apologetically. "We can help."

She directed her next question to her companion. "What do you think, Stephen? An anaphylactic reaction?"

"Looks like," Stephen said gruffly. "His lips are swelling up, and he's breaking out in hives."

The doctor groped around in his dinner jacket and fished out what appeared to Tony to be some kind of hand-held flashlight, long and thin. He uncapped it, revealing a needle at the tip. 

With one confident stroke, the man stabbed the pen-like device right into Loki's thigh. 

"Whoa, what is that?" Tony demanded.

"It's an Epi-pen," Stephen explained impatiently. "Didn't your GP supply you with one? You're not supposed to go anywhere without it when you have a life-threatening allergy, don't you know that?"

"I don't - he didn't - " Tony mumbled. "We didn't know."

The pretty redhead glowered at her date and kept her hand on Tony's shoulder. "It's okay. He's going to be okay."

"Not if he keeps sticking around with you," Stephen mumbled under his breath. 

"Stephen," she hissed. 

"Christine," he mimicked, before turning his wrath upon Tony once more. "You go on a date with someone, you let them order whatever they freaking want. And before you ask, I wasn't eavesdropping, I just have very good hearing. Was it because you were picking up the check?"

Tony could not believe his ears. "Excuse me?" 

"It was either that or you're a major control freak," Stephen muttered, pointedly turning his back to feel for the pulse on the side of Loki's neck. "Consider yourself lucky I was here, Mr Stark. The press would have had a field day."

Before Tony could come up with a scathing response, Loki began to stir. 

The colour returned to his cheeks, just as the blue left his lips.

"Tony?" He whispered.

Tony shouldered the insufferable doctor out of the way. "I'm here, baby."

Green eyes fluttered open. They quickly came into focus, before widening in alarm at the sight of the crowd. 

"What happened? Why am I on the floor?" Loki tried to push himself up, but Stephen's firm hand on his shoulder kept him on the ground. "Who are you people?"

"People whose dinner is now ruined, thanks to you." Stephen's words may be harsh but his voice was gentle. "See, Christine. This is why I have the Epi-pen, on my person, at all times."

"Yes, yes," she said, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "Dr Stephen Strange, ladies and gentleman. Once a hero, always a hero."

Loki grew even more confused. "Doctor?"

"I am so, so sorry, Loki." Tony sounded near tears. "I damn near killed you."

Stephen heaved a loud sigh. "It wasn't you, idiot."

"Tony, why is this man calling you names?"

"Not important." Tony kissed Loki's knuckles over and over. "He can call me anything he likes. He just saved your life."

"Yes, that will be two thousand dollars, made out to Doctor Stephen Strange, MD, PhD. You can find me at Metro-General, everyone knows who I am."

A wide smile began to spread across Stephen's face. It made him look frightening, and frighteningly handsome at the same time. It was every bit as frightening as his next words.

"I have a feeling we will be very good friends."

[vocalintel]

June Favorites

Aiiro Shinwa - People like to talk about politically conscious classic shoujo, but I don't think I see this one come up often. It's a slowburn het romance that's pretty invested in challenging conservative social norms.

Ankoku Shinwa - This is a somewhat early (?) Shounen Jump title about a young man who discovers he's the second coming of a historical Jomon prince. It's full of tons of historical exposition, Buddhist theological discussions, and technical bullshittery in that vein. The art is kinda scratchy in an interesting way.

Chijou Saikyou no Otoko Ryuu - Probably one of the best things I've read this year so far? It has everything. The coolest paneling you'll ever fucking see. People exploding from getting punched too hard. Evil alien Jesus. You just have to read it. It's incredible.

Hebi Onna - Kazuo Umezu has been kind of hit or miss for me but I really like this one. It perfectly captures that really deep, childish fear of no one believing you when your life is in danger; also the snake woman herself is such a perfect horror icon.

Kisshou Tennyo - So this is actually the first thing I've read by the Banana Fish lady (yes, I have yet to read Banana Fish, etc etc). I liked it; it reminded me of a project I've been meaning to draw for a while. I think that the thread gets lost a little in the middle but I love girlbosses so it's fine.

Perfect World - I finally fucking finished Perfect World. It only took me like forever. Anyway, I love this series because it's such an unflinching, unapologetic examination of disability; there are times when things get so difficult it's hard to read, but it never feels patronizing or fetishistic. It just depicts these things plainly, and you can feel the love the main characters have for each other.

[cosmicjoke]

The Quiet Detriment of Eiji’s Innocence on Ash

So I recently had a conversation in the comments section of my Banana Fish story on a03 “Wandering in Endless Night”, and it got me thinking a little about Eiji’s relationship with Ash, and how while the fandom rightfully focuses on the positive aspects of it, and what Eiji was able to give Ash, namely the knowledge of what it is to be loved without condition, it also got me thinking about how, in some respects, and tragically, Eiji’s presence in Ash’s life also was detrimental to him. 

The conversation entailed a discussion over why Ash becomes so angry at Shorter in the story “Angel Eyes”, for judging him and his actions in seducing Ricardo.  And it made me realize that it isn’t that Ash is angry at Shorter, but rather, he’s ashamed of himself, and Shorter’s judgement of his actions serve only to reinforce these already deep seated feelings of self-loathing that weigh Ash down.  Ash is so clearly afraid of becoming like the people who abuse him.  He fears turning in to people like Dino, or Marvin, or Foxx.  People who are true sadists.  People who hurt others for no reason other than their own pleasure.  Ash is forced to live in the same world that these people occupy, and he fights constantly against becoming like them.  And so when Shorter tells Ash that him manipulating Ricardo makes him no better than the people who abuse him, it horrifies Ash.  It upsets him to the point that he begins crying. 

Ash is dealing with a LOT of shame, a lot of feelings of deep, almost crippling shame.  So with Shorter, and yes, later Eiji and even Max, Ash sees these people, whom he judges to all be good people, to be people much, much better than himself, and so their judgement of him is, for him, exceptionally painful.  Ash is used to being judged.  Dino judges him constantly, Marvin, Foxx, Yut-Lung, even his own father, etc...  He's used to being called a killer, or a whore, or a good for nothing, etc...  And while these constant insults no doubt have an impact on him, I think Ash is also aware that those people are all bad people themselves, and that their judgement of him is, in the least, hypocritical, so he’s able to bear it better, better able to dismiss it as irrelevant.  But with Shorter, Eiji and Max, they're all good people, in Ash's view, and so for him, when they criticize or judge him, it causes all of Ash's feelings of self-loathing to come bubbling to the surface.  He already hates himself, and he's already well aware that killing other people is a “bad thing”, and he's aware that using seduction to manipulate others is generally a “bad thing”.  Shorter and Eiji aren't telling him or teaching him anything he isn't already well aware of.  But when they remind him of these things which he already knows, from his perspective, these are good people who are, through their own kindness inadvertently reminding him of his own badness.  They’re dredging up for him all of these negative thoughts and feelings he has about himself, forcing him to deal with them directly, forcing him to feel them on a conscious level.  When these good people remind him of his "bad" behavior, when they try and convince him that he’s “better” or “above” his actions, that he could do better, it's like a hard slap in Ash's face, having to contend with his own, perceived rottenness.  And it also, I think, inadvertently causes Ash irreparable harm. 

Because of course, Ash isn't a bad person at all, or rotten.  He's actually an incredibly kind, generous, selfless person, an innately GOOD person, who's only been forced through the horrific circumstances of his life to become a killer, to adapt to being among sexual predators, to being in the control of psychopaths and sociopaths and having to figure out ways to survive among those sorts of people.  I think Ash, when we first meet him, is already struggling with the idea that he even deserves to live, that he deserves to fight for his own survival, and so when Shorter or Eiji tell him that he's "better" than resorting to the things he does to survive, or that what he's doing to survive is wrong, it implies that Ash has a choice, and the choice there is obvious, that he can either kill and keep living, that he can use his sexuality to protect himself against further abuse, or he can let himself die, or be raped for no reason, and spare the lives of those trying to take his.  And what this ends up doing is, it just reinforces that doubt and that uncertainty in Ash, it reinforces this idea that maybe he should just let himself be killed, or die, because his life is worth so little.  Because Ash is often in a position where he literally doesn't have a choice but to kill, or to use his sexuality if he wants to keep living.  These aren't thing he's choosing to do because he wants to.  They're things he's being forced to do in order to just protect himself, or even the lives of others.  So while I think people like Shorter and Eiji mean well when they say things like that to Ash, that he's above these sorts of things, or he's "better" than that, that they’re simply trying to help Ash see himself in a better light, or give him the hope that he can get out of the life he’s living, they actually inadvertently just end up doing Ash more harm than good, because they're just reinforcing his already dangerously negative perception of himself.   He tells Blanca at the end of "Banana Fish" that, after meeting Eiji, he's never been more ashamed of himself, and that's a strange thing, because of course Eiji also gave Ash the knowledge, for the first time in his life, of what it means to be loved without expectation.  But he also, just through his presence and his innocence, constantly reminded Ash of his own lost innocence, his own corruption from living in such a vile, violent world, and it made Ash hate himself even more.  It's a tragedy, because in a way, Eiji's presence in Ash's life only convinced him further of the inescapability of his own badness.  It made him only more convinced that he could never find a better life, or outrun his demons.  Because he stood in such sharp contrast to Eiji, who was so open and outwardly kind and accepting, free from the kind of brutality and violence and ugliness which defined so much of Ash’s life.  Eiji was from, as Ash said again and again, “a different world”, a world which sheltered him from having to become the kind of violent, manipulative, vicious person Ash was forced to become.  A world which allowed him to remain naive and to look for the goodness in everything first, a world that afforded him that luxury.  Eiji’s innocence, in some ways, only stood as a bleak reminder of what Ash himself could never again be, what he could never again attain, or gain back.  His own innocence was lost when he was seven years old.  When he was raped by his baseball coach, and because the adults in his life failed him so completely, was forced to take the life of his abuser in order to survive.  There was no going back to that naive, childlike innocence of before.  There was no way to become that again, no way to erase the things he had done, or what he had been forced to become.  He knew Eiji loved him, and just that knowledge alone was enough to give Ash the only, true happiness he'd ever known.  But he also felt all the more rotten and vile and undeserving of that love in the face of Eiji's innocence and kindness, in the face of Eiji’s goodness, reminding him so bluntly of what he could no longer be.    And of course those feelings are only further solidified by the careless words of someone like Blanca, who tells Ash that Eiji “doesn’t exist for (his) salvation” and that he’s selfish for wanting to keep Eiji near him, that he’s in fact endangering Eiji, and that innocence, by doing so.

It’s just another tragic reality of Ash’s life, that while Eiji was the best thing that ever happened to him, simultaneously, he was also, in some regard, detrimental to Ash and how he perceived himself and the inevitability of his existence. 

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 112

Cabba vs. Frieza (guess who wins)!

So as things currently stand, Jiren has demonstrated his superiority over all the other fighters.  So the other universes are starting to look for other paths to victory, paths that don’t go through Jiren.   Currently, Universe 7 has the most fighters left in the ring, so in theory they could just play defense for the rest of the tournament and run out the clock.  That’s not U7′s style, of course, but the other universes are starting to think it could be their style.  They just need to eliminate some of U7′s fighters to take the lead.  So Universe 3′s team dispatches some of their robots to attack Goku, since he’s still worn out from fighting Jiren, and he seems like easy pickings.

Piccolo is worried about Goku, but Gohan’s not.  He says they just have to trust his dad to see things through.  Besides, they have their own hands full with Saonel and Pirina.

Meanwhile, Universe 4′s Monna tries to whittle down Universe 6′s fighters.  Her team only has four fighters left, so they’ll have to clear out a lot of bodies from a lot of other teams if they want to pull ahead.  I guess U6 is as good a place to start as any.  She finds Caulifla and Kale, but just before they can fight, Cabba shows up and tells C&K to leave, because he says they’ll be needed for bigger fights later on.  Caulifla doesn’t like it, but Kale convinces her to listen.

And Cabba does okay as a Super Saiyan, until...

Monna expands her body and starts rolling and bouncing around all over the place.  I don’t know, this looks pretty stupid to me.  I mean, look how rough the terrain is around here?  You’d think Monna would have done pretty well with a technique like this earlier in the tournament, but now there’s less room for her to maneuver.  But somehow, she completely dominates Cabba like this.  She even knocks him out of the ring, and Cabba regrets his failure, until he’s rescued by...

Vegeta.  Yeah, they’re on opposing teams, but Vegeta has a soft spot for Cabba, even if he won’t admit it.  He tells Cabba that he couldn’t stand to see a Saiyan made to look so pathetic, so he stepped in.  When Monna objects, he blows her away with a ki blast.

Vegeta also reminds Cabba that he promised to introduce Vegeta to the Saiyan King on Planet Sadala in Universe 6.  So if Cabba loses, there won’t be a Universe 6, and he won’t be able to keep his promise.  Cabba points out that if U6 survives the tournament, then Universe 7 will be erased, along with Vegeta, so there’s no way he can keep his promise, no matter how the Tournament ends.  But Vegeta tells him that he plans to use the Super Dragon Balls to wish U6 back, so it’s all good. 

Cabba’s like “Well then if I win, then I’ll wish your universe back.”  And Vegeta goes “Shut your damn mouth!  You ain’t winning shit!”

So then Monna returns to finish Cabba off, and she threatens to eliminate Vegeta and the gals too, and this triggers Cabba’s transformation into a Super Saiyan 2. 

He blasts her off the stage and that’s it for Monna.  Now U4 is really fucked, because they only have three fighters left, so they can’t win the tournament unless they eliminate at least one guy from Universe 11. 

As for Vegeta, he’s got bigger fish to fry, like Jiren.  He plans to make him regret sitting out the second half of the tournament, but before he can do that he gets intercepted by...

Top, who says Vegeta has to go through him to get to Jiren.  Vegeta calls him a second banana, and Top’s like “takes one to know one,” and Vegeta doesn’t like that at all.

Oh, yeah, in the dub, Vegeta calls Top “Moostache”.  Nice GT reference.  Or maybe that’s how Chris Sabat says “mustache” all the time.  Like William Shatner and “sabotage”.

So hot dog, we got us a second banana fight. 

As for Cabba, he runs into Frieza, who basically wrecks his shit and promises to take out Caulifla and Kale next.  So it’s just like Monna, except when Cabba powers up this time, it doesn’t do him any good.  Frieza turns Golden and eliminates him easily.

Frieza thinks to himself how he’s going to get the Super Dragon Balls for himself, and use the wish to make all the gods bow to him, but I’m not clear on how that would go.  I mean, could he wish to be elevated to a godhood about the Zenos?  I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed. 

Meanwhile, these stupid robots are still bothering Goku.  He’s probably fine, but without his full power he can’t beat them quickly.  Fortunately, help is on the way...

... From Caulifla.  She doesn’t eliminate the robots, but she does get rid of them so she can ask Goku...

... to fight her one more time.  Uh-oh.  While they settle that, here’s KISS to play us out with “Deuce”.

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Hi there! First off, wanted to say thanks for sharing your stories with us - Mondo and Taka are…intensely relatable characters for me in general, and the way you write them only makes it more so. I love them dearly, and your characterization of them is beautifully realistic in a way anime-boys-in-a-murder-school have no right to be, haha. But my question is actually about your other interests (forgive me, but I love hearing other people pontificate about their interests/passions/etc. so…) — if you don’t mind sharing, what other fandoms do you have a particular attachment to, whether you’ve created anything relating to them or not? Your work is wonderful and I’d love to explore more of it! Keep doing what you do, at whatever pace you are capable and comfortable with! 🧡

Aw this is so sweet!! Thank you so much!! :-D

I'm going to put a read more on this, just to help with dashboard clogging, as this got super long. As usual 😂😂 Though Tumblr's new long post thing might help with that, so who knows. But I'm used to using read mores, so... meh.

Ohhh boy, do I have a ton of other interests. 😂😂 My most recent fandoms that I've gotten into are Our Flag Means Death (which I'm so happy got renewed for a second season!! I loved the first one, so much. I hope it doesn't kill me with feels though!!!!), Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (And Apollo Justice, which I just finished), and Banana Fish (which is actually the only anime show I've seen, and while I highly recommend it if you've not seen it, you have to be careful since it's SUPER dark. Like... it's about a literal gang from New York and child trafficking. The main characters remind me a lot of Taka and Mondo, but even more depressing. Very good, but very dark.)

Then, of course, you've got my all time favorites, which include Harry Potter (though I've lost a lot of love for the series thanks to J.K. I can't ignore it, though, since it straight up shaped my teenage years and I STILL go by the name I made for my HP themed FB page when I was 13, DracotheDeathEatingCupcake. And I still love the characters, even now, so... yeah. But I fully support trans people and J.K. makes me sick), Supernatural (Destiel all the way, ha), Gravity Falls (and, for the record, I DO NOT like BillDip in canon! I liked it in fanon, which is why my most popular fic is BillDip, okay?? Oof), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (this one shaped my teenage years almost as much as Harry Potter, honestly. Spuffy is my fav of all time, even now. It sucks that Joss Whedon was such a creep. Why are all the things I liked as a kid made by terrible people??), and, surprisingly... Batman. That's a surprise since I don't like the majority of Batman things, and I more like the image of him I have in my mind, ha.

In addition to those, I've also had some big obsessions with the following: Rise of the Guardians, Danny Phantom, Legend of Zelda, The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings (the former more than the latter, actually. Also!!! I've been to the actual Hobbiton!!! I'll show pictures later, ha), Avatar the Last Airbender, She-Ra (the new Netflix one), Voltron (also the Netflix one), The MCU, Merlin BBC, Detroit: Become Human, Good Omens, The Witcher, Hunger Games (😉), Percy Jackson and.... god, a lot more prolly, but this is already a pretty extensive list, ha.

However, if you want the ones I've created and published fics for, I will list them in order from most recent to oldest here. Warning, it's a lot, ha. I've been writing since I was 13 (11 years, FYI), and I don't think a year has gone by where I've not written and published at least one fic.

Ishimondo from Danganronpa (duh, ha. I think I've written more Ishimondo than any other fandom other than HP, but most of my HP stuff was back when I was a young teen and was max 3k words each, so Ishimondo beats it word count wise by a long shot, ha.)

Merthur (Merlin/Arthur) from BBC's Merlin (which is actually the other 375k fic I wrote in a month and a half that I've mentioned before. This one got a little messy towards the end, since I tried my hand with a plot for the first time, and it was.... eh. People seemed to like it at least, so that's something, ha. But it was unique in that I started writing it when I was, like... 16/17, lost inspiration, and only continued writing when I found it again on my ancient iPod touch's note app several years later.)

Destiel (Dean/Castiel) from Supernatural (I actually have another fic for Destiel that is completely finished and I actually really like, but I just... have not posted???? For some reason?????? I keep meaning to but don't have time 😩 Maybe one day. Like maybe around the two year anniversary of Destiel becoming canon, and the two year anniversary of me finishing the fic 😂 Also, fun fact, but my first fic on AO3 was a Destiel fic. It wasn't my first fic ever, but my first fics will live on in infamy on fanfiction . net and will die a cold, cold death when that website finally goes belly up.)

An Avatar the Last Airbender fic that focuses on Lu Ten, Iroh's son (I love Zukka, but could never think of an idea for them, so I never wrote one for them. I had the idea for the Lu Ten fic after seeing a Tumblr post wondering about an AU where Lu Ten was secretly an earth bender, and HAD to write it. The first two chapters are pretty solid, but the last four... eh. Could do with some work.)

Hank/Connor, from Detroit: Become Human (I was weirdly obsessed with this game for a hot minute in 2019?? I still like it, but it was a pretty big thing for me then, ha. This fic of mine is another where I tried to have a plot, but it turned out meh. That's why my most recent fics have no real plot, and is mostly driven by emotion and details, ha. I'm much better at that than real plots.)

A Tony and Steve (from the MCU, ha) family fic (NOT ROMANTIC) where Steve is kid Tony's distant but loving uncle after Steve (spoilers for end game????? Ha) goes into the past to be with Peggy. It was a fix it fic of sorts.

BatJokes (Batman/Joker) from Batman, but more specifically, Bruce Wayne/John Doe from TellTale's Batman series (I had the idea for this fic when I was in a Target after having finished the second game and wrote it for like... 10 hours straight, ha. Fun fact, but this fic is actually the best fic I have in terms of kudos to hit ratio, with a ratio of over 1:1, if that means anything to anyone, ha.)

BillDip (Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines) from Gravity Falls (but like I said, I liked the fanon interpretation of BillDip!!! Not canon, since in canon, Dipper Pines is 12 and Bill Cipher is a homicidal ageless demon who is The Worst, but in a funny way. The fanon interpretation still wasn't great, but it was less bad to me when I was, like... 16.)

Stanley Pines and Stanford Pines from Gravity Falls family fics (I separated this from the last since it was its own thing, ha. Not much to say about these other than it was my first series and kind of started my whole "write from the other perspective" thing, since I first wrote a fic from Stan's perspective, then wrote one from Ford's.)

BagginShield (Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield) from The Hobbit (I am gonna be honest. I really disliked the Hobbit when I had to read it for a book report in, like... 10th grade I think?? But I LOVED the movies, even if the third movie was kind of pointless. I liked how Richard Armitage played Thorin, and how the movie gave the dwarves a much better a reason for wanting to go back to the Lonely Mountain than, uh.... I want gold. -.-)

And now I will put the fandoms/ships for fics that are either on FF . net and are not seeing the light of day (unless someone really is curious, but, uh... they're not very good and it's obvious a 13-14 year old wrote them, ha) or are in WIP Hell and will likely never get out. Also from most recent to oldest.

BlackBonnet (Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet) from Our Flag Means Death (this fic sadly landed in WIP hell despite me writing it for a week and a half straight and ending up with almost 100k words. But I realized I didn't like the way I wrote it, and I didn't know how to end it, which is just... yeah, disheartening, but I had fun writing it at least.)

WrightWorth (Miles Edgeworth/Phoenix Wright) from Ace Attorney (I actually have a completely finished one shot that was originally gonna be a longer fic, but works as a one shot, but again, I just keep not having the time/inspiration to post, oof. I also had started a longer fic with an OC young girl that Edgeworth fosters after her father gets murdered, and Phoenix helps him with her despite (spoilers for Apollo Justice) being all jaded after being disbarred, but I got a bit stuck with it and realized it was a meh plot, so... it's also now in WIP hell forever, RIP.)

Drarry (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter) from Harry Potter (this ship is both one that is in WIP hell and is on ff . net, ha. The one in WIP hell is actually pretty good, but I just ran out of drive to finish writing. It's funny since I knew exactly where it was gonna go, but, uh... yeah, just ran out of drive. The one on ff . net is slightly better than my other older stuff on ff . net, but that's only because I was slightly older when I wrote it, ha. It's still Not Good.)

Dramione (Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger) from Harry Potter (This is entirely from ff . net, and it was actually my first real OTP. I don't ship them anymore, like... at all, since I'm more a Drarry girl, but it still holds a special place in my heart, ha. It also contains one of my better named fics, which I'm sure is the only reason it still gets views on ff . net even 11 years later, oof. All of my Dramione stuff is trash, though. Also, fun fact, but I only started liking Dramione because of A Very Potter Musical/Sequel. Ha.)

Spuffy (Spike/Buffy) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I think this was all one shots, nothing too substantial. None good either, ha. I do adore Spuffy though.)

And now, finally, I have a small list of fics I wrote on FF . net that were either for a friend, or were fun things I wrote but didn't really like the ship much for, ha. All are from Harry Potter, FYI.

Scorpius Malfoy/Lily Potter, which was actually the first fic I ever wrote, which I handwrote on paper during lunch time when I was in 7th grade, ha. I eventually transcribed it to my computer a year later, but it was the first fic I wrote and I didn't even like the ship that much, ha.

Draco Malfoy/Astoria Greengrass, which I only wrote for an online 'friend' who said it was derivative and had been done before. This was also a 'friend' who hated when I would call myself awesome (ironically, since I didn't like myself that much when I was a teen) because I was, and I quote, 'not awesome, so stop calling yourself that.' Yeah. She, uh... was not a great friend.

Lucius Malfoy/Professor Flitwick. Don't... don't even ask. I used to do HP roleplay, and I did an RP as the parents of the main characters, and I was Lucius and my friend was Flitwick, and I wrote this for him. It was my first (and, for the longest time, only) smut fic, and it's, uh....... yeah. Also! I just realized that those RP things showed a lot of indication that I was ace even before I knew what asexuality was, ha. I just remembered this, but I realize now that I never liked RPing smut, even when my friends were all "aw come on, it's not that bad!!!" But it always embarrassed me, so I only would do it with the people I trusted, and even then it felt weird to me (which was also in part because I was, like... 13-15. So were my friends, though, so don't get worried, ha). And my previously mentioned 'friend' (but different to the friend I did the weird smut fic for) got offended that I would write it with someone else but not her. Now that I think of it, my RP years were, uh... not great ones, wow. No wonder I've mostly blocked them out, ha.

Anyway!!! Wow did that end up long, oof. I hope this answered your question, because by this point I don't think I can even parse this response anymore, ha. I've also done art work for other fandoms, both digital and hand drawn, but if I add that this response will be never ending, oof. Maybe I'll see if I can link to my previously mentioned FB page (that I'm still active on, actually), where I have almost all of my old artwork posted, if anyone is still reading this and is curious. Is anyone still reading this??? If you are, reply with a smiley face and I'll give you a virtual gold star. I'd give more, but I'm always tired and can't make promises anymore :-(

Also, I think I promised Hobbiton fics, so, as promised:

These were all taken by my friend who lives in New Zealand, who went with me to Hobbiton, ha. I went in 2018 and it was soooo nice. I love NZ. I want to go back one day, but I'd rather go to new places before revisiting old places, so... maybe one day.

Also, a closer look of my elf ears my dad got me for Chanukah/Christmas one year, ha.

[decadentparadisekitty]

One Punch Man is genuinely good, and other such truths that make me want to vomit

I can never truly enjoy it despite recognizing it as an objectively good work of fiction. Plenty of meta by people who care much more has been written and I cannot say this enough, if you're interested in a genuine read of OPM and not just a tired and angry person on the internet, find another one please.

I can recognize the beauty in Saitama, in how he lost his motivation to work hard because things are easily solved with his strength, and feels like he's growing numb because he refuses to try other things out to see if there's anything else that isn't mind numbing for him. I love how Genos is a fucking 19 year old kid too dedicated to destroying a maniac that he's unable to be a normal kid, and how he was only able to mellow out thanks to Saitama, the guy he idolizes, being such a common dude. I love Tatsumaki, as much as I will complain about her and Fubuki as one wrote them later, because angry tornado lady is a great way to pull me in.

Like, it's good. It's well written. One is one of few people who have made an attempt to truly understand the infinite and it shows.

...

now to explain why this makes me want to vomit. In short, I'm sick and tired of knowing everything teenage me liked was high key or low key or middle key misogynistic and One Punch Man is no exception.

Yusuke Murata and the animation team, their depictions of females vs males...if you can't see it yourself I don't think you'll like this post but just in case i'll spell it out.

females get sexualized, males get idolized. cycle old as time.

I know I can find good female centric stuff but i feel...robbed. I feel robbed of being able to look back at old shows I used to like without grimacing of an old wound all women know and bear.

Anime, manga, movies. These were my escape from reality. Now, they serve as a reminder of it.

Other things that make me vomit, my obsession with horror. DOn't get me wrong, horror doesn't traumatize me.

That's kind of the whole issue.

I read Beastars, a manga where the consumption of another is a metaphor for sex (and all the Louis x Legoshi shit that implies. Ah, yet another so misogynistic it's gay thing woo hoo what do you mean i seem mad i love patriarchy aha <333)

And I was hooked, I was interested in how the author chose to explore the relationship between herbivores and carnivores.

Banana Fish was about a victim of prostitution trying his best to escape from his hell life and ending up dying in the process.

And I fucking loved watching it (yes. Watching it. With the Japanese voice actors desperately trying to seem American and failing). I love Ash's voice actor he's amazing. I love how he portrayed Ash's painful moments.

And I will never be over Perfect Blue, I love how it's entirely unclear what exactly Mima went through, or who she was. The horror of not knowing who you are, whether something is real or not. The horror of being coerced into sex to progress a career.

I...like horror. Of the sexual variety. It's not the kind of thing I watch to win a dare I watch it for my own enjoyment.

Fuck what does that say about me. I know I'm going insane but holy frick.

Also unrelated, but henceforth idk if i'll make many posts about shows i deem misogynistic. Methinks im getting a little too depressed and perhaps could use a break from stories in general tbh, regain my footing.

[goetzjpvis]

Banana Fish is very different from most of the stuff we've been watching and reading in class, in that I feel like it portrays and criticizes a climate much different than 20th century Japan. This time, we're in 1980s America! Gangs, gun violence, militarism, and drugs are ideas that have been explored in Japanese media, but for it to have a new American skin makes me feel like I can relate especially with Banana Fish.

We are immediately thrust into the world of organized crime, in fact, we get a quicker insight into Ash's abuse history than we do his own personality, interests, hobbies, etc. I also felt like this story illustrates how child abuse and sexual crime is hidden right in front of our eyes, the abuse of ash was normalize so much so, that the cycle of abuse and violence is perpetuated when Ash decides he wants to participate in violent gang wars. His story reminds me of the 'World's most beautiful boy', Bjorn Anderson. I find it striking that Ash and Bjorn share similar features. Bjorn was a venetian actor, sought out by Luchino Visconti, an agency director who set him up to act only to eventually be sexually abused by the industry around him. Bjorn went on to do great things, but his past scarred him both physically and mentally. Plus, the idea of blonde hair kind of symbolizes his innocence, which was taken advantage of by the darker-haired thugs (reach?).

Side note: Bjorn was actually the inspiration for Lady Oskar from Rose of Versailles.

Anyways, seeing how Ash lingered around his abuser despite hating him and wanting him dead kind of shows how people can stay around or even stay attached to their abusers. It gives an insight to the feelings and motives of those who don't just immediately 'run away'.

Anyways, as much as people want to call it "BL", I don't consider it so. I do think that Ash and Eiji carry some kind of deep, spiritual/platonic/romantic relationship, but I don't think that's the focus of the story. Eiji is the only person that Ash can be comfortable around, which implies a sort of sincerity and comfort that those who are abused, and by extension everyone, needs.

[elizainjapan]

June 18th- Anime and Manga Museum

Today my inner-weeb came out a little bit. This being the day of the Manga Museum, it felt only fitting that I could finally freak out a little. As always, I woke up pretty hungry and still skipped breakfast, so by the time we got to the museum, I was ready for a cafe. My cravings had to wait though, because there was a lot to see inside and not a lot of time. We walked through a huge library with Japanese manga on every wall, and each series was classified by year. There were a couple that I remember being surprised being written so long ago (like Banana Fish in 1985). I picked up a Japanese copy of Doraimon to see if I could understand any of it. Surprise! I barely could. At one pint, a kid came over, sat down next to me, and picked up the same manga to start reading. He was flying through it! With my Japanese skills failing me once again, I headed over to the English section to read Death Note. I completely forgot how good that series is, and it reminded me to rewatch it again. One of the coolest parts of today was the the paper theatre. I felt a little better about my Japanese after that because he was speaking for an audience of children. I know pretty much everything that he was saying from context clues too. We finished up at the museum and headed over to a nearby vintage cafe. It was here that I had the bets hot mocha of my life. Next we started walking to a sushi restaurant, but I don’t like sushi, so I stopped at a soup dumpling place instead. Best decision. I love soup dumplings so much, and this shop had a line outside of it, so I knew it would be good. After a delicious meal, Sam and I started wlalking to our kimono rental appointment that was scheduled for 3:00. It was a 35 minute walk to the one that Julie had sent in the chat, so we assumed we would get there 15 minutes early. Unfortunately, it was the kimono place that the boys had booked, so we had to run our kimono place that was 25 minutes away. Of course it was also uphill. We made it in time though and started getting ready. I wouldn’t say that I felt particularly pretty with it on, but I think I felt more feminine. I know it’s stupid, but I also felt like I was infringing on someone else’s culture, so I was kinda uncofrtabe most of the time. The pictures were pretty cool though. I ended the day with a wonderful dinner with my mom and Ethan. We had A5 Wagyu which was the best steak I had ever had in my life. It was a 6 course meal for 3 people that ended up being $130! And we had Wagyu! I was ready to hit the hay when I got a lovely phone call from Raj saying that we were going out. It was a very fun day!

Academic Reflection-

I could actually understand the readings today! A large part of this was that I thought the readings was super interesting as I love learning about things that are big parts of my life. My favorite aspect fo the reading was talking about how manga was used as propoganda during the war, and how drastically it changed in the post-war setting. I also had no idea that shoujo was specifically targeted for girls, and women writers began overtaking the industry. This made me pretty happy. I assumed that shoujo anime was just romance and that shounen was for action. I did not know how gender-specific the genres were.

The other thing that I thought was interesting in the reading was the use of soft power on other countries. Many Japanese people do not like the idea that manga is the largest cultural export from Japan because of how “low” of an art form it is considered. Many foreigners would not agree, and it remains one of their largest financial gains.

[vitos-ordination-song]

Ash as a human being simply isn’t ready for any kind of adult romantic relationship and he never got to the point where he was ready for one before he died and that’s another one of the tragedies of his life. It’s also why I find debating his sexuality to be pointless and insulting.

Ash gets attached to Eiji for many reasons. One of them is that he transfers feelings for other people he loses to Eiji: Griffin, Skip, Shorter. Eiji is the one who survives and is there for Ash to protect. He obviously identifies innocence with Eiji, perhaps even his own younger self (that plays out on a narrative level anyway). He sees in Eiji, “a normal life.” Not for himself, Ash can never quite believe that, but that it’s possible. That it could have been possible for himself. He has to keep Eiji safe at all costs to preserve that.

Eiji is also a refuge for him; the only person he can really truly let his guard down with. Who he can admit his feelings to. Who he can be comforted and soothed by. Relax with. I noticed watching the anime how much Ash broods over a sleeping Eiji—Ash basically never gets a full night’s sleep for the entirety of the story, clearly has a sleep disorder, but he wants Eiji to sleep as deeply and calmly as possible.

He has no desire to inflict his own plight on Eiji, unlike someone like Yut-Lung. Ash does at times feel misunderstood by Eiji or annoyed at his naivety, but he’s often remarkably kind and understanding to Eiji. When he isn’t, they usually work it out quickly, or else Eiji understands without being told.

Understanding and mutual care are the core of the Ash/Eiji relationship. Although this is a strong bond between boys, after having read the entire thing and thought about it, I wouldn’t call it a romantic relationship and I don’t want it to be one. I feel as though this was the best choice for the story. If I want BL I’ll go read one—they’re not hard to find.

The thing is too, and I feel like Yoshida got this, it’s not that Ash/Eiji couldn’t have been more of a romance. It’s that it wasn’t what Ash needed. Eiji was written, in the words of ppl who worked in BF, to be a “healing” character. He is highly empathetic. He feels the feelings that Ash himself is cut off from; I was struck by the scene in volume 2 where Eiji cries and says he couldn’t try to get information out of Ash for the police. Eiji felt Ash’s feelings intensely and expresses them openly. Ash can’t afford to do that. Although Eiji is Ash’s weakness in one way, he’s also exactly what Ash needs to find peace as a person. Eiji provides the unconditional love he never felt in childhood. Ash has been repeatedly dehumanized, misunderstood, mistreated, cast as a villain, victim blamed, you name it, and Eiji doesn’t do any of that, he sees Ash as someone who was wounded and deserves care. He sees the goodness in Ash. All of this is beautiful but it’s not yet the material for a romantic relationship.

It reminds me of Utena/Anthy in the show. Both of them are far away from being able to have an adult partnership. It’s important because really they’re connecting as children. They’re working through their wounds, their tendency to hide from the world. It takes a reboot for them to be ready for the real thing. I don’t know if I want to see an Adolescence style reboot of Banana Fish where Ash/Eiji start making out and end up together. Like Yoshida, maybe that feels wrong to me. Because that kind of relationship is lost to Ash… that’s part of the sadness. Yoshida ended the final volume of BF with a picture of Ash and Eiji in bed together, shirtless, but they never shared a bed in the manga itself. She could have played into more touchy BL tropes. It’s not like she’s afraid to write gays—she’s done it throughout her career. On the one hand, I feel as though Ash/Eiji staying platonic makes it beautiful, a connection of the soul, a desire to heal someone’s deep wounds. It’s where Ash can grieve his inner child. But he never gets to take that step into adulthood. It’s something he could have had, but didn’t.