#also the ginger bit does NOT help lmao. i mean okay her ginger is one i headcanon into like a ginger/brown kind of mix that would maybe just

[themyscirah]

Can feel my brain chemicals bubbling as I think about Artemis

[jjwho]

Who Has a Crush on You?

Pile 1. Pile 2

Pile 3

☆

☆

☆

Pile 1

Cards pulled out:

Five of swords, three of pentacles, four of sword in reverse, eight of pentacles, page of swords.

So my pile one So what I can see is that maybe you and this person might've walked away from each other, or he walked away from you. This person may have a lot of self sabotaging behaviors. I see that there's a lack of communications between you both.

He/she/they might've tried to ignore their feelings for you cause maybe they didn't want to get rejected and they're trying to focus on their work/career/school.

I see you guys might know each other as acquaintances or you guys mightve worked in team groups or did a collaboration in work. Something about a work place. That's where you guys mightve met.

This person could be really trying to work hard on growing and learning and maybe finding mental stability and finally rejoining or coming out of his/her/their shell to socialize and speak up now. Maybe they're never really took care of themselves before.

This person might need patience and he seems like a curious person that doesn't really like getting into arguments. This person is quick-witted but also very guarded. This person may be confident in their work, something to do with their hands maybe some craftsman work. They're also very smart, maybe they have a scholarship.

Okay Pile one I pulled out someone personality traits and physical traits of this person for you guys(remember this is a general reading so not everything is going to be for you)

-Self-absorbed

-Popular

-Gentle

-Ginger

-Got some abs

-Pale

(I hope you enjoyed your reading and maybe have got some insight on the person who is crush on you Pile 1)

Pile 2

Cards pulled out:

Seven of cups, temperance,the fool reverse, strength, the emperor

So my pile two, you guys one hell of a person crushing on yall.

Okay so this person may have a lot of opportunities or options. So they might procrastinate a lot or it's just something they do, they day dream a lot and might have some hallucinations. I think they might be a bit mentally ill, but I mean who isn't.

They might have a lot of balance with themselves or inner calmness, or you guys just have a harmious relationship. I think they might think yall are their like you know, soulmates. You guys might be. Not too sure.

They also could be a bit reckless, maybe be a bit stupid and they somehow always get distracted. There's something about this person and not being in reality. Like I said a dreamer. They may be very brace and confident and be compassionate.

He may be older than you even though he might not act like it. Almost like a cool, rad, reckless teenage boy. Bad boy vibes, fun guy but reckless. He might listen to metal cause master of puppets was playing and the song playing right now is "Cooler than me". So that song might tell you a lot about this person crushing on you.

Something about his father figure, maybe he didn't have much of a father-figure which might explain the way he is now. He may be a little protective of his things. Scorpio, Pisces energy.

So personality and appearance cards I pulled out are:

-tall

-a little chubby

-Courageous

-Doe eyes

-somehow a little strict, maybe with themselves or they have someone strict on them.

(Hope that helps you pile 2 and good luck with this personnn)

Pile 3

Cards pulled out:

Reversed cards:knight of cups, three of pentacles,the Hugh priestess, five of swords

Upright card: The sun

Lots a reversals lmao. So pile 3

I don't really like this person crushing on you and I pray you're not gonna be happy hearing this. This might be an ex or a Heartbreakers. A manipulative bitch, a cheater. Maybe you liked them at one point and they didn't give you back the affection.

All I'm saying is that this person still hasn't learnt from their past mistakes and they aren't willing to learn anytime soon. Might be older than you I'm seeing 2-3 years. So old but acts like a bitch ew.

I feel like you're repressing your intuition, your gut that's telling you this person ain't the one. Maybe you got unwanted attention from this person or other way around. I feel like this person is coming out of their isolation but still accepting help. (Gorl he ain't worth it)

He likes his openness, by that I mean still multiple woman and he's happy with that. He likes his freedom. Ew

Gorl don't go for him, he's obviously not fully committed. You literally deserve better I bet he doesn't have a big PP either.

But lemme pull some other cards out on how this mf personality is like and how he looks

-"Mature"

-Blue eyes

-Sarcastic

-Jealous

-Has issues

-Courageous

-Tall

Bro he ain't worth it but anyways jaaa.

I hope everyone enjoyed their reading and it was accurate or easy to understand, I'm still in the middle of reading tarot. I've only had or been reading for two years so still learning

Byeeee☆☆☆

[lionmythflower]

lmao not me rewatching the nutcracker and the four realms.

But I actually can't stop laughing.

"That diabolical little mouse!"

"We just have to ask you some questions princess" "this is ridiculous"

"How do u describe ur sympathies towards rodents in general?" "........ Well-" "thank you, good, alright"

"My mother, she.... She died." *dramatic gasps*

Miss sugar plum Fairy stop lying ma'am

I'm gonna slap her

*weird giggling* ".... She doesn't know" HELP

"She tried to take control of the other realms" what bullshit. I can't remember shit of what happens I know damn well that miss sugar plum aint the good one here

HOW DID THEY MAKE MAKE THOSE DRESSES SO FAST I MEAN I KNOW THEIR MAGIC WHAT WHAT THE FUCK

"Do u like it?" "I love it" who are u lying to that hair looks so bad

Miss sugar plum needs to stfu her voice is giving me a headache

Ooooh ballet

Oh it's abt the story of the four realms ok...

I actually can't remember anything from this movie

was the hot air balloon from that one version of wizard of oz rlly necessary

I promise I actually do like this movie I js love hating on movies no matter how much I love them (another example is

"Beastly women. There's nothing motherly abt her" OKAY U KNOW WHAT U CAN SHUT UP THANKS

OH I REMEMBER SOME OF IT NOW. THERE'S SMTH TO DO W THE ENGINES

AND WHAT'S HER NAME THE MAIN CHARACTER GIRL FIXES THE MACHINE OR AT LEAST FINDS THE KEY AND THEN SHE REALISES THAT SUGAR PLUM IS EVIL AND THEN SMTH HAPPENS I THINK SHE JOINS MOTHER GINGERS SIDE OR SMTH IDK

Sugar plum speaking French is annoying me sm. Like ok I get ur the pretty fairy women but fuck off please-

Oh the girl is named Clara

Bro crows are scary as fuck

Someone get this girl a pantsuit why is she always running around in dresses

Clara: gets pulled into a dark hole.

Captain: GOES IN AFTER HER

what the fuck

What in the name of Russian dolls-

OMG MOTHER GINGER

we love her

She looks so badass

Help not captain js struggling w the puppet things

Mother Ginger is the only sensible one here

I actually can't remember what the egg thing does

That owl is fucking everywhere

Also we love captain

And hate sugar plum

CLARA DON'T BE AN IDIOTS PLS

CAPTAIN

CAPTAIN PLS U KNOW THIS IS A BAD IDEA

HELPPPP

CLARA PLS

CLARA

CLARA ITS A TRAP YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN

alr miss sugar plum u can go die actually

Omg the mouse

Oh look they're in the dungeon

Help not her yelling at captain like he didn't nothing to you 😭😭

HELP WAIT HE ACTUALLY HAS A NAME????

Phillip omg

Guys no I need another snack to deal with this women absolutely not

Okie I got some chocolates we're good now

Bro I still have like 33 minutes left in this movie

Thank god she's actually calling him by his name now

HELP PHILLIP AND THE MOUSE ARE SO FUNNY

Oh damn careful there CLARA

Hun ur dress is ummm a bit dirty...

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE ADS.

guys we pay for Disney + and we still have ads what the fuck. This is bigotry at it's worst

Poor mother ginger her face is fucking cracked bro

YES KNOCK OVER THOSE SOLDIERS

SHOOT.

CLARA RUN

oh boy

YES CLARA FIGHT THOSE TOY SOLDIERS

if any of y'all hurt phillip I will be coming after u

Omg mouse tower yes we love them

I HATE SUGAR PLUM SO MUCH

CLARA PLS

CLARA FIGURE SMTH OUT

PHILLIP IF U DIE ISTG

SUGAR PLUM BRO LITERALLY JUST UGHHHH

die.

NO NO NO NO

OMG NO

HAHAHA

OMG YES

damn she's a doll now

I don't feel bad

If phillip and clara kiss I'mma cry

Omg we love the mouse and phillip

Oh dear

No. No no no

DON'T YOU DARE

Oh damn actually that's crazy

Omg the one movie where the girl and the guy who are friends don't actually have to kiss at the end thank god

Bro did a double take when her dad said I'm sorry

The father daughter relationship between them is crazy 😐 (im envious. I don't have a good relationship like that w either of my parents)

Damn the movie's over

[sunaswife]

🔪: I was going through my drafts and I found this piece that I never published nor deleted so I guess it’s another extra lmao! Hope you enjoy!

THESE ARE ALSO UNEDITED IM SORRY

“Y/N senpai! What a surprise!” Hinata yelled when he saw you pop your head in the gym. You smiled softly and waved. “Hello, I hope I’m not interrupting. I brought snacks!” You said and coach Ukai called break. Immediately Yachi who was now the new main manager grabbed the bag from your hands and told Yamaguchi to bring you a seat. When you finally got to sit you sighed and leaned back on the chair. Your hand rested on top of your growing belly, you were already a few months and received info that you were not expecting one, but two babies.

You were pretty stressed and worried if you could even afford to take care of two of them but you had to at least try. It was your decision to keep them and now you can’t leave them. “Thank you for the food!” They all said and you nodded and smiled softly. “How’s everyone captain?” You asked as Ennoshita sat next to you munching his onigiri. “I don’t think you can ever calm Kageyama and Hinata but surprisingly we’re doing pretty well. I’m still getting used to the whole captain title.” He chuckled and you nodded. “It’s okay, I know you can do an amazing job. If my cousin brings you trouble you let me know alright? I’ll make sure pound him to the ground. I don’t care if I’m seven months pregnant.” You said and he laughed.

“Psst is it me or does captain have a crush on Y/N-Senpai.” Hinata whispered to Nishinoya. “Impossible! I already swore I would marry her. I don’t care if she has kids I’ll raise them as my own!” He huffed and you and Ennoshita turned to give him a glare and he shuttered. “Sorry, Kageyama.” He immediately apologized.

It was honestly a surprise to everyone that Nishinoya was your number one simp. Even when he found out you were pregnant he still said he’d marry you and you quickly declined him. He was sweet but not your type and you were not looking for a relationship any time soon.

“Nah they’re just friends, since she’s doing online classes, Ennoshita helps her a bit or vice versa cause they’re both hella smart.” Tobio said as he stared at his cousin. As much as he loves having you around, you shouldn’t be coming to his school by yourself. “What does vice versa mean?” Hinata asked and Tsukki sighed at how stupid the ginger was.

When they finished their snacks you had to sit outside the door with the net covering in case the ball came flying and you wouldn’t get hurt. You honestly couldn’t get over your new student Hinata and your cousin Tobio with their quick attacks. They were certainly going to be a unstoppable this year or even better if they keep going the way they are.

When practice ended you and Tobio were walking home with the team in front. You were kinda slow but Tobio was always patient. Hinata would ask you a whole bunch of questions regarding your time at Inarizaki and your just awkwardly smile and tell him what he wanted to know. You didn’t have anymore ally’s in the volleyball team, only Hitoshi and a few of the old first years so you decided to spill all the secrets you knew as revenge for when they made it back to nationals.

If Inarizaki even goes.

But yet again as much as you’d hate to admit it, they’re an amazing team. Especially Atsumu who was the star player in every game. “Y/N-senpai, have you picked the names of your babies? Please don’t be like my mom and hide the name until the day of because then I’m going to get impatient.” He asked hopefully.

Tobio was listening intently because you haven’t told him either. “Well for a girl I was thinking Akira, and for the boy, Rini. But I’m having twins so I can have both.” You giggled and his and Tobio’s eyes widened. “Those are such beautiful names!” Hinata gasped. “Thank you! I tried so hard to pick the right one and I think they’re perfect.” You said with a soft smile.

“They are perfect. I can’t wait to hold them. I’ll be the best uncle ever and I’ll teach them volleyball for you!” He said excitedly. “I’m sure you’ll be amazing.” You giggled and pat his head. He smiled back and continued to much his onigiri.

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @iloveanime691 @tpwkatsumu @ohrintarou @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar

[emilythecosmicbun]

Creepypasta OCs.

Any updates information is on Wattpad WATTPAD: https://www.wattpad.com/story/255861941-creepypasta-ocs-emily-elliot-and-stedge

TW BLOOD, ABUSE MENTION

cottontailprincess is my Instagram and Emilythecosmiccat is my username on some art websites.

They/Them pronouns please

do not sexualise me, my characters or my boyfriend please he isn’t comfortable with that.

okay so these are my two vent ocs.

Emily/Elliot (Bunny.)

one of them, as you know, is my impure agere oc, representing all the sad and flashback parts of everything. I made them to help cope with my thoughts and feelings. They are based off of my appearance and my trauma. They age up with me.

BASIC INFO

Full Name: Emily/Elliot Bunzelle but prefers just Emily or Elliot.

Nickname(s): Bunny, Emmy, El, Em, Princess, Prince, Princette

Meaning of name: Emily (from Urban Dictionary.) An Emily is someone who is crazy inside and out. She knows who her friends are and try’s hard to look after them. She is very pretty but doesn’t always know that. She isn’t always the most popular, but to her that doesn’t matter. She has friends from all ages and they all adore her. She hides her feelings however upsetting they may be.

Meaning of name: Elliot (Urban Dictionary) Elliot is a true master at caring. He teaches how to love and be loved. A man of honour a man of steal. He's as handsome as a Greek God, as strong as diamond, as compassionate as a saint and is as gentle as a father's touch. Elliot possesses a magic within to create a vision in the eyes of all, leaving them stunned at how brilliant and perfect Elliot truly is. A leader, a spirit lifter, a lover, a giver, an Elliot'll leave you speechless with his being, his essence.

Gender: Non-Binary

Pronouns: They/Them

Age:

Currently 19, same as IRL me, though they physically and mentally regress to younger ages, so their age varies. Their main ages are variants of 1+

Date of Birth:

August 21st (Body born in 2001)

Race/Species: English and a Spirit or Entity.

Native language: English (as in England English.)

Orientation/Sexual Preference: Bisexual Personality: Silly, playful, honest, caring, childish, bratty, stubborn, sweet.

Are They Dead: No but they aren't alive either. Somewhere in between.

Any Mental Health Issues?

C-PTSD, due to multiple traumatic events. They frequently experience multiple flashbacks and nightmares, and is usually terrified of leaving their safe space unless it’s with Stedge, even then, they panic.

Triggers: Listed Here. Triggers page on my Carrd.

Powers/Special Abilities: Can float slightly off the ground, is able to phase through walls, spew blood at will, and look "alive" when speaking and comforting children, or just around those they trust.

APPEARANCE:

Looks:

Very young child:  Short but very curly/wavy brown hair, a bit lighter than when they are in older looking forms. They wear a pink dress with a white shirt under, and black school shoes. However, they can also just wear a sonic shirt and leggings, or a skirt.

Child:  They can vary but their usual look is long curly/wavy brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, blood on their mouth and nose area, tired-looking eyes, pink dress, sometimes a nightgown, depending on the look, they can wear socks, bunny slippers or even go barefoot! Sometimes they wear bunny ears! Sometimes they like to wear sonic gear.

Teen:  Depending on the age as a teen, at the point it's  "kawaii" inspired things, sometimes just a Melanie Martinez shirt and pants (or skirt), sometimes overalls! They also wore band merch, stuff like that. They have either long brown hair, black hair or multicoloured hair like Melanie Martinez (dyed in variants such as pink, red, blonde (more like light ginger.)

Adult:  Band tops, but also ones with cute designs on such as bunnies or kittens, sometimes overalls or dresses, sometimes even onesies, since they can still have the traits of an agere headspace. Short Brown hair, is a lot chubbier than the rest, can be considered mid or plus size.

Height: Varies depending on form and age, but usually smol.

Weight: (UNKNOWN BUT IT VARIES.)

Hair color: Dark brown/Brown

Eye color: Brown

Scars and/or skin conditions: Has a few bruises and a few cuts in some places, but I prefer to not draw them.

Has a skin condition called psoriasis. (I have it IRL.)

Never Seen Without: White Bun, and their three Cream The Rabbit plushies.

Likes:

• Things with peaches (the fruit) on them. (Including peaches and peach ice tea.)

• Bunnies

• Their Caregiver, Stedge.

• Drawing, and colouring in.

• The colour pink.

• Sonic The Hedgehog.

• Porcelain Dolls

• Stuffed Animals

Dislikes:

• Abusers (including physical, mental and sexual abusers.)

• Those who take advantage of vulnerable people.

• People who don’t take them seriously.

• Drama.

• Being abandoned or left alone.

Relationships:

Stedge - Partner in crime, best friend, caregiver and lover. (Depending on age of course.)

Cream.exe (Sally.exe game) - practically twinning, bunny loves to hang out with cream.exe. (my highest kin, apart from cream herself.)

Family Members - Depending on which member, they do have a good bond or a negative one. Bunny loves them on different levels, some of them, they hate.  This does not reflect on how (I myself) feel about said family members.

(If you want your creepypasta oc to be friends with Bunny, just ask!)

OTHER INFO:

• They age up with my current age since they aren't dead and they are based off of me.

• I decided to make them some sort of entity since I couldn’t make them a ghost and still be alive lol they age up with me.

•Their “trauma” is the same as mine, which is why I won’t write it in detail here but they are a victim of abuse.

• They are all bloody because its how I feel about my trauma.

• They physically and mentally regressed to the age they are supposed to be, if they are in their child forms, they are an actual child. (Direct reference to my age regression I use to help me cope with my trauma) They prefer to be in this form so they can protect and befriend children. They don't harm children or other victims of abuse. The children usually call them “bunny.”

• When they're in their adult form, they have a partner called Stephen. Someone who they have known since they were 17 years old. When they are a “child” he takes care of them and protects them to make sure they don't ever get hurt again.

• Their sense of justice is what caused them to want to help other children. They never want to see another child go through what they went through.

Any Other Info is on the Picture.

Stedge

Well, I also made a creepypasta oc to represent my boyfriend, someone who I love and trust to help me during those horrible times. He’s like my partner in crime. lmao also his age isn’t rly there because he ages up with his real life counterpart, which will get updated.

REMINDER TO NOT SEXUALISE HIM AS MY BOYFRIEND IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT.

BASIC INFO:

Name: Stephen

Nickname(s): Stedge, Mr. Bubbles (by Emily/Elliot.)

Meaning of name: Stephen The most beautiful boy in existence. Has stunning eyes, that make your heart fall through the floor when they crinkle with his perfect smile. Is deep, unlike most boys, and extremely intelligent. Has a big heart, and he doesn't realize when he's being taken for granted. Even though he would never admit it, he sometime's can't see what's right in front of him. An over-analyzer, and very stubborn, but he will admit defeat when he has to. Likes to drive girls crazy, apparently. Easy to fall in love with. Hard to figure out.

Gender: Male

Age: Ages up with IRL person. Currently: 19.

Date of Birth:

9th April

Race/Species: English, Human.

Native language: UK English.

Orientation/Sexual Preference: Straight

Are They Dead: No

Any Mental Health Issues? No, None that we know of.

Triggers: None that we know of.

Powers/Special Abilities:

He doesn't have many powers but he athletic and can run quick and has a good amount of strength. He uses a bat and other various stuff.

APPEARANCE:

Looks:

Short brown hair, brown eyes, a bit of facial hair, variants of a black or dark grey shirt, but obviously not only those, sometimes they’re ripped.

Hair color: Dark brown, brown.

Eye color: Brown.

Scars: None.

Personality: He is quite intelligent and mature, behaves childishly in front of Emily/Elliot, cold and serious, is kind, polite, protective.

Hobbies and Likes: • playing the guitar

• skate (skateboarding)

• listening to tunes

• spending time with Emily/Elliot.

Dislikes:

• Abusers, people who take advantage of vulnerable people.

• People who are cruel to Emily/Elliot.

Relationships: Bunny - Best friend, soulmate, would do anything to make bunny smile, frequently gets them stuffed toys and food.

EXTRA INFO:

He is a few months older than me in IRL, his age is 19 right now, along with mine but will be updated.

Stephen is a human, and helps take care of Emily (in their child forms.) since they are a child and very vulnerable in that state due to their trauma, when they’re adult they are romantic towards each other.

They work together as a team when bashing and killing abusers. While he uses physical means, Emily uses mental.

Any Other Info is on the Picture.

WATTPAD: https://www.wattpad.com/story/255861941-creepypasta-ocs-emily-elliot-and-stedge

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Mile High Job

leverage 1.08

Nate: We need a key card.

Eliot: And I hate to say it, but you know who we could really use --

Nate: Don't even say his name. I don't want it spoken aloud

eliot begrudgingly admitting they could use hardison because although they may bicker all the time, he knows to appreciate him

- - - - - 

[Leverage Headquarters]

(Hardison is watching a microwave, which dings)

Hardison: Yeah, buddy!

(he tries to pick up the pizza pocket but it is too hot and he drops it)

Hardison: Damn it!

(he blows on it and picks it up to eat it, then takes a watering can and heads out of the kitchen)

why do we (and parker and eliot) love this fucking idiot so damn much ???

- - - - - 

(Hardison walks through the offices watering plants)

he’s such a nester + he’s probably watering parker’s plant too which is adorable

- - - - - 

Eliot: All right.

(open the door to the hall to find Parker waiting)

Parker: So, what are we waiting for?

Eliot: How does she do this?

Nate: I don't even ask anymore.

Hardison: Don't bother with the stairs. I got you a ride down.

(elevator dings and they enter)

we love to see parker defying all laws of physics and logic and the team being baffled by it e v e r y time

- - - - - 

(Nate, Parker and Eliot run into the lobby, headed for the door)

Nate: No, it’s right behind us, it’s right behind us!

(guards put their hands on their guns)

Parker: It’s furry, it’s big, it’s chasing us, get down now!

(they grab Sophie on the way out the door, leaving the guards confused)

Nate: Come on, we need to get to the airport, now!

that’s actually a really clever way to escape a situation ??? it was very effective to distract the guards ???

- - - - - 

Hardison: What I.D.s have you got on you?

[LAX Airport]

Nate: Let's see...

(team begins looking through their pockets)

Nate: We got, Peter Davison, Sylvester McCoy, and I have a Tom Baker. Yeah.

Sophie: Ooh, yeah, I have a Baker. Sarah Jane.

[Leverage Headquarters]

Hardison: Perfect. I now pronounce you man and wife. (typing on keyboard) Now go on and kiss that bride.

[LAX Airport]

(Sophie hands Nate a ring that he places on her finger)

hardison bases their ids on doctor who characters, what a fucking nerd

also, we gonna talk about how sophie carries a bunch of different wedding rings with her at all times or ???

- - - - - 

Sophie: How did you both know there'd be an extra uniform in the bag?

Nate: Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms in case they get called to work unexpectedly.

Eliot: Or if something happens to the one that they're already wearing.

Sophie: How does "everyone" know that?

Nate: Worked airport security.

Eliot: Slept with a flight attendant

sophie being exhausted + eliot never mentioned the gender of the flight attendant so let my bi heart dream okay

- - - - - 

(security guard opens Nate’s luggage to find many BSDM items inside. Nate gives Sophie a look)

Sophie: What? We needed luggage. Lost and found.

Nate: You didn't check the bag first?

Sophie: We were in a bit of a hurry. (to guard) Yeah. Cuffs are his. Whip's mine. (slaps Nate’s butt) Second honeymoon.

Eliot (picking up his bag): Idiots.

me watching this scene: part horrified part secondhand embarrassed 

- - - - - 

Hardison (on computer): Let's see what we can learn about Nathan Ford today. Online poker? Online chess? Sudoku. Crossword. What... Damn. Somebody needs to get laid.

y i k e s

- - - - - 

[Coach]

(Parker on P.A. while another stewardess demonstrates)

Parker: Place the mask over your mouth and nose and breathe normally. In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. But let's face it, if this thing goes down in the water, more than likely the impact will kill you. 

(Eliot grabs the bridge of his nose while the other passengers get alarmed)

Parker: Please take a moment to locate the nearest emergency exits, because if this plane's on fire, you're gonna want to get out quick. Jet fuel burns at over 1,000 degrees. That's hot, folks.

Eliot: All right, Nate. We're here. Now what?

eliot looks exhausted like 300 different times during this episode

+ bless the other flight attendant that just carried on with the crazy white chick being crazy over the speaker 

- - - - - 

poor eliot with the guy sleeping on him, he’s so exhausted already lmao

- - - - - 

Steve: Nothing. It’s just... I could've sworn I saw a maintenance guy get in that elevator.

Hardison: A- A maintenance guy? Wow. Real nice. I bet you think we all look alike.

Steve: That's not what I meant.

Hardison: You know what -- If I have to go to one more of those damn sensitivity seminars, I know who I’m blaming.

Steve: No, no, no.

Hardison: I know who I’m blaming.

Steve: It's not what I meant.

Hardison: I blame you! You! (walks away)

hardison using societal tendencies of racism is iconic every (every) time

- - - - - 

(Eliot gets up and begins going through luggage in the overhead racks. One of the passengers watches him suspiciously)

Eliot (to passenger): Can I help you with something? Watch the movie.

what would you even do in this situation ???

- - - - - 

Marissa: I know. It's just -- It's like a placebo effect. It's not really working, but it makes you feel better anyway.

Parker: Yeah? So, when's that supposed to kick in? (she moves forward) Look. Flying isn't really all that scary when you think about it. I mean, there are a lot more likely ways to die than on a plane. Car crash, house fire, electrocution, drowning, autoerotic asphyxiation. I mean, the fact is, death haunts us every day. No matter where we are.

(Parker smiles and moves away)

Y I K E S

- - - - - 

Hardison: You kidding? Did you get the new expansion pack? Woman, I was up all night. Now, look, I mean “Burning Crusade" was great, but this new one is mind-blowing.

Nate: Hardison…

[First Class]

Nate: …you bailed on the job because you were up all night playing a game?

[Genogrow Break Room]

(Hardison turns aside and opens a cabinet door to hide his face)

Hardison: First off, "game" is hardly adequate, okay

hardison is DONE with them not taking his “games” seriously ,,, also LMFAO that’s why he was late 

- - - - - 

Hardison (opens door): The meeting's starting, sir. (closes door)

Haldeman: What meeting? (sighs and puts on his jacket)

that is such an effective tactic tho ???

- - - - - 

Parker: Hatbox full of Euros, pouch of uncut diamonds, and a stolen Stradivarius. Now, I’ve never lifted one of those.

Nate: Parker..

let! her! steal! it!

- - - - - 

Eliot: Ms. Devins, those payments were not made in error. They were bribes. He was trying to pay off the researchers so they would not testify.

Marissa: What are you talking about? What the hell is going on here?

(Parker sits down next to Marissa)

Parker: The guy in 1D wants to kill you. Ginger ale?

Eliot: Just – sh-she--

that poor lady is NOT having a good time

also eliot looks sO DONE WITH PARKER LMFAO

- - - - - 

Eliot: Erlick's a pro. He had a ceramic knife. If anything was going down, he'd sniff 'em out when he saw them coming.

Nate: How would they do it?

Eliot: Easiest way? Take 'em out in transit.

Sophie: You mean bring down the plane they're on?

(everyone looks at her pointedly)

Sophie: You mean bring down the plane we're on?

Nate: Yeah

that’s interesting meta to know but we hate to see it

- - - - - 

Nate: Okay, Parker, I -- Parker, I need you – (to Eliot) All right, we got to talk to Erlick now.

[Plane Bathroom]

(Dan is still unconscious on the toilet as Eliot and Nate come in)

Nate: Geez!

Eliot (patting Dan on the face): Hey!

(Dan does not stir, Eliot sighs)

Eliot: When I knock people out, they tend to stay knocked out.

Nate: Hey!

(Nate taps the guy on the face)

Nate: Luggage tags.

(they search Dan’s clothes and take his luggage tags. Eliot grabs the ceramic knife before they leave the bathroom)

eliot doesn’t fuck around lmao

also he did the flippy thing with the knife

- - - - - 

Hardison: Parker, the device you found -- is it anywhere near an orange box?

Parker: Yeah.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: Oh, god. They tapped into the black box.

[Cargo Hold]

Parker: No, no, it's not black. It's orange.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: Yeah, the black boxes, they're orange.

[Cargo Hold]

Hardison: Makes them easier to find in the debris.

Parker: Oh. Oh…

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: They've hacked into the flight's computer, which means they have access to the system, which means they can spoof the black-Box data all at the same time.

[Cargo Hold]

Parker: Crash the plane without anyone knowing it was sabotaged.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Hardison: Exactly

that’s terrifying

- - - - - 

Nate: Listen to me!

[Haldeman’s Office]

Nate: You can do this! I trust you!

(Hardison looking very unsure of himself)

[Cockpit]

Nate: No matter how many times you goof off or screw up, you always come through in the clutch.

[Haldeman’s Office]

Nate: You're the only guy I can count on in a situation like this.

Hardison (cracks his neck): You know what? I-I-you... You're right. 

You're right. I got this.

[Cockpit]

Nate: Yes! Yes! Yes, you can!

Hardison: You're right. You're -- I'm the man.

[Cargo Hold]

Hardison: I'm the man. I got this. I'm gonna do this.

hardison is amazing and they need to appreciate him more

- - - - - 

[First Class]

(Nate and Eliot stumble into seats and belt up)

Nate: Sophie?

[Coach]

Sophie: Yes?

[First Class]

Nate: You okay?

[Coach]

Sophie: Yeah. You?

[First Class]

Nate: Ask me again in 10 minutes.

[Coach]

Sophie: You're gonna remember this one, aren't you?

[First Class]

Nate: Oh yeah.

everyone else on the comms: ,,, y’all have to flirt right this second ???

- - - - - 

[Haldeman’s Office]

(Hardison watching footage on the Internet of the plane landing)

Announcer (on monitor): …emergency landing on the seven mile bridge…

Hardison: Whoa! (gets up and dances) Baby! Unh! Age of the geek! Smooth! Too smooth! Lord, I was so scared, I wanted to cry, call my mama. Y'all cool? Y’all cool?

Nate: Yes, cool.

Hardison: Family. All right.

hardison is baby + HE CALLED THEM HIS FAMILY !!!

[twinklecheeks]

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 2

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.

Warnings! pregnancy, abortion? mentions of sex.

Part 1

Word Count: 2.4k

Y/n doesn’t know what to do. A million scenarios were going on in your head. “What if I tell him and he doesn’t want it? What if I never tell him and I get an abortion? I mean my body, my choice, right? What if I leave youtube, pull off a Kylie Jenner and reveal it to the world when it’s born? What if I put it up for adoption? Would I choose a closed adoption or an open adoption?” As all these scenarios are running through your head, the doctor asks if you want pictures. “Ummm yeah sure.” This just feels like a nightmare to y/n. The doctor is ready to discharge you and you take an uber home. You feel a buzz in your pocket and it was a text from David. “Hey you should come over and film tonight. We’re messing around with helium and stuff that messes with your voice.” You were about to say yes until you remembered that you were with child. Helium is probably not the best for pregnancy…. “Sorry I can’t come today. Not feeling too well.” “Damn maybe tomorrow. I pulled a prank of Jason’s new tesla and I need some reactions.” “Sure, I’ll be there.” You finally arrive home and you just feel super overwhelmed. Your anxiety already fucks with you at random times and now add the pregnancy hormones, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. You decide to text Carly and Erin in y’alls gc. They have basically been you best friends since you’ve been a part of the vlog squad but you don’t know if they’ll be pissed once you reveal your secret relationship w/ Jeff. “Heyy, can you guys come over rn? I have to tell you guys a secret and you’re the only people I can trust at the moment.” Erin: “Sure. Well be there in like an hour or so. Carly and I are filming a bit with David. Probably won’t take long.” “Okay great. See you later.” Carly reads the messages from her phone and whispers “sounds serious, what do you think she’s gonna tell us?” “I don’t know. Just hope she isn’t dying or something.”

You say to yourself, “Since Carly and Erin are gonna be here in an hour, I should get pregnancy tests from the store. Just hope no fans recognize me.” You try to dress incognito and you remembered you had some expensive ass wigs in you closet (you’re a boujee ass college student lol) Once you glue the wig on, you get in your tesla (like the tesla Carly has) and you head to target. You have your hood up and sunglasses on like you’re some sort of fbi agent or something. You head to the aisle the pregnancy tests are in and see the condoms right by there and you mumble to yourself “if you woulda just taken the time to come to target and buy those, you wouldn’t be in this mess you dumb bitch.” You grab a couple of the electronic pregnancy tests cause like my bio says “i radiate dumb bitch energy.” You get home, take off the wig and read the text that says they’re 5 minutes away.

*Carly and Erin pov*

“How much you wanna bet that she has a thing for someone in the squad.” “CARLY.”

*Y/n pov*

You hear a knock at the door “heyyy” you say in an awkward tone. Erin sees the hospital bracelets on your wrist. “Oh god you are dying” Y/n: “ERIN WHAT THE-  NO ARE YOU CRAZY” All of you head to the couch and you have a hard time telling them so you say it really fast “SooooIjustfoundouti’mpregantandyou’regonnabeauntsmaybe.” Carly didn’t catch any of that but all Erin heard were the two big words. Both of them start screaming out stuff like “YOU’RE PREGNANT” “WHAT” “WHO’S IS IT.”  Y/n: “Okay okay okay. I’m gonna tell you guys everything.” So you ended up telling them the saga of you and Jeff’s relationship. Carly: “ITS. JEFF’S.” Y/n:“That’s all you have to say?” Erin: “You have to take another test. This can’t be right.” You go to the bathroom and 5 minutes later, the test says ‘pregnant.’ Erin: “ummm how about you go to a doctor so they can run some tests.” Y/n:“I already got a blood test done in the ER. Nothing is more accurate than a blood test.” Carly: “when are you due.” Y/n:“Early April I think.” Erin:“So you’re not gonna make it to my wedding?” Y/n:“Oh shit you get married in April. Dammit.” Carly: “So what are you gonna do?” Y/n:“I honestly have no idea. I just feel like he’s gonna deny everything and say its not his. He’s the only guy I’ve been sleeping w/ since New Years.” Erin: “well, whatever you decide, we’ll support you. Hopefully I’ll have a newborn baby to be my ring bearer or flower girl.” You smiled just thinking about that. Before you knew it, It started to get dark and both of them left. You didn’t want to be alone tonight, so you decided to facetime one of your other best friends. Y/n:“Hey Stass. You wanna have a girl’s night? Stassie: Sorry, I’m already having a girl’s night at Kylie’s house. You hear Kylie yell in the background “YOU CAN COME TO MY HOUSE.” Y/n: “Thanks, I’ll be there in a bit.” Two years ago, you would’ve never thought that you’d be friends with Kylie Jenner. You two hit it off when she invited the vlog squad to a roller rink to celebrate her becoming a billionaire.

You arrived at her mansion, finding both of them upstairs sitting on the floor in the nursery, playing with Stormi. You’re thinking about telling Kylie and ask her for advice. She’d completely understand; she had a baby at 20 and the whole world had eyes on her not knowing whether she was or wasn’t pregnant. You don’t mind if Stass knows because she helped keep Kylie’s pregnancy a secret, so you know she won’t tell anyone. Y/n:“I have to talk to you guys about something.” Kylie: “Sure. About what?” Y/n:“I’m pregnant.” Kylie and Stass: “YOU’RE WHAT.” Y/n:“Why is it so surprising that I’m pregnant.” Kylie: “who’s is it.” Stass: “it’s probably Jeff’s.” Your eyes go wide as she said that, Stass: “and just by the look on your face, you just confirmed it.” Kylie: “is Jeff the fit one with the New York accent?” “Yeah.” Kylie: “Ooooo he’s hot. So what about pregnancy did you wanna talk about?” Before you ask about pregnancy, you had to tell the whole saga for the second time today. Y/n:“I just don’t know what I should do. How did you feel when you found out?” Kylie: “well, I was shocked at first but then I got excited. Did I plan on getting pregnant so young? No. But I know I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Yeah, motherhood came earlier than expected but I honestly can’t imagine my life without Stormi. Hiding it from the public wasn’t easy but I’m lucky that I had people I could trust to hide my secret. And if Jeff doesn’t accept the baby as his, then screw him. He’ll look like the asshole for leaving. So what do you want to do?” Y/n:“I think I want to keep it a secret but that gonna be really hard because 1. I’m a youtuber and people are gonna see me gain weight, 2. I’m a college student and I have to go on campus for classes. Stass: “Can you look and see if they’re offering online courses for the classes you need to take?” Y/n:“Probably but I don’t want to die of boredom and stay in my house all the time.” Kylie: “I didn’t stay in my house all the time. I just had a lot of security around me 24/7. I bought more cars and switched between them all the time so the paparazzi would be confused. I made sure to wear baggy clothes all the time. I really didn’t start to show that much until I was almost 5 months pregnant.” Y/n:“I’d be 5 months by the time the semester ends for winter break. Should I risk it? Kylie: “I don’t know. Every body is different.” Y/n:“Thanks for the advice Ky.” Kylie: “No problem. You can always come to me for baby advice. I can help you prep. Stormi might not be right baby to start off practicing with but you’re lucky Kim just had a baby in May.” Y/n:“Are you sure she’d be okay with you borrowing Psalm to teach me how to be a mom?” Kylie: “Are you kidding. She’d love it. She has 4 kids under 6 years old. She needs a break. Oh and when it’s time to find out the gender, you HAVE to let me plan the gender reveal and baby shower.” Y/n:“haha okay.” Kylie then takes a vid of y’all playing with Stormi and posts it on her insta story captioning it ‘girls night❤️’

You wake up the next morning not feeling great at all. Kylie: “Drink ginger ale or really bitter lemonade. It helped me with my morning sickness.” Y/n:“Thanks. I should get going. I have to get to class in a couple of hours. I’ll text you later.” Kylie & Stass: “call us as soon as you figure out what you’re gonna do” Y/n:“k, bye”

Y/n talking to herself while driving home:

It probably wasn’t the best decision telling 4 people that I’m pregnant cause I’m not past the 1st trimester yet but I just couldn’t keep it in. I had to vent to someone! I’m scared of telling Jeff but I’m 1000x times more scared of telling my parents. When should I tell them? I mean, I’m flying to Seattle next month for a couple days for my moms birthday…. is that a bad time to tell them both?? I mean, my mom has been begging for grandchildren for the past couple of years. There was one time in high school where I was typing an essay in my room and my mom randomly comes in and says “mija, cuando tu tienes un hijo, nombrarlo después de mí” like who tf says that to a 17 year old? What was I gonna do today? I have class later but- Oh shit. I said I was going to David’s today to film a prank reaction. I hope I don’t have to be in the same clip as Jeff. Luckily your class is only an hour long and so you got home, quickly showered and went to class.

 As you got out of class, you hear a ding from your phone. David: “Are you on you way?” Y/n:“Yeah I’m like 30 minutes away.” As you’re driving down David’s street, you see 4 people. David, Jason’s mom, Erin and?.... Of course it would be Jeff. You get out of your tesla and David is getting the camera ready. He opens the gate and you see Jason dressed as Carmelita, showing his genitals all over the car. Everybody is screaming. “NOOOOO OH MY GOD” Jeff: “HOW CAN YOU SHOW THAT TO HIS MOTHER?” Jason’s mom is laughing hysterically. After a couple of minutes, he stopped recording and invited us all in. You haven’t been to David’s house since the incident with Jeff but you were acting as if nothing happened. You were just acting really quiet around Jeff because you’re literally pregnant with his child and have no idea how to tell him. Jeff: “Hey y/n haven’t seen you around lately” all you said was ‘hey” while looking at your phone. Jeff: “What you’re not even gonna look at me? You think cause you’re hanging out with Kylie Jenner, you’re too good for us?” Y/n: “Us? You’re literally making no fucking sense rn, I’ve talked and hung out with everyone except you. Plus why would you care? You kicked me to the curb like I was a piece of trash. Not sorry that I wanna be treated right.” Jeff pulls you to the backyard. Y/n:“Get the fuck off me” Jeff: “why the fuck are you acting like this?” Y/n:“like what? A person who’s finally standing up for herself? I don’t need you and why would you care what i’m doing? Last thing I remember is that you’re with Natalie. I hope you treating her like an actual person, unlike how you treated me. Playing around and fucking me like I was you’re toy.” Jeff: “You consented.” Y/n:“Yeah but now I realize I was dumb as fuck saying yes so many times.” At this moment, you were contemplating whether you should just tell him. You were about to tell him until the last sentence he said left you livid. Jeff: “You said yes cause you were desperate sweetheart. You fucked like a whore. I probably wasn’t the only one you were sleeping with.” At this point, you just wanted to run him over with a car. You didn’t want to be the stereotypical raging Latina so all you said as you were walking away was “Goodbye Jeff.” You didn’t even turn around. Everybody in the house from David, Jason’s mom and Erin heard every single word. On the drive home you made your decision. You’re not telling Jeff it’s his and you’re raising this baby alone. Since you’re still in the first trimester, you’ll keep it to yourself just a little bit longer before you tell the rest of the vlog squad.

*One Month later*

Y/n is officially past the 1st trimester. I’m now 13 weeks. You look in the mirror and see a tiny little bump forming. You telling your parents last week wasn’t the best… Your mom was excited but disappointed; your dad couldn’t even look at you. Your older siblings stuck by you. But now that you have the biggest obstacle out of the way, you have to tell the vlog squad... I wonder how this will go...

----------------------

I’m surprised at how many people liked chapter 1! It was confusing for me switching back from saying you & y/n but I think I did better in this part. Oh and I’m not sure if I’ll be writing as much as I am in the future. I think the minimum will be 1k words but I’ll probably write more than that.

Oh and just a heads up, I’m starting school at the end of the month! I’ll try to release as many chapters as I can write in the next 3 weeks.

Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @irisindigonightmare

[tomioneer]

yyh rewatch number 11 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY KIDS NOW

been a few days bc I am BUSY AF irl, and I made it through the dr ichigaki fight--just barely without tears--by watching with a friend. now we’re at episode 35 and watch straight through to 42, and I can’t help but blog about it because HELLOOOO, NINJA BABES

guess who’s here

it’s jin and TOUYA BITCHES

kurama recognizes them, I wonder if he's actually fought them before

I remember that hiei and kuwabara both get taken out of the fight, but can’t recall if genkai does as well

what I figured out when my friend asked why koenma knows genkai’s younger face is that since she was on a mostly human team in the past, she was probably one of the special guests at the tournament? and thus a member of a team koenma technically owned 

it’s upsetting that toguro didn’t seem to recognize his EX GIRLFRIEND.

jin speaks so quickly I can hardly understand him

it’s like merida in the new wreck it ralph trailer, just.. irish

ps JERRY FUCKING JEWELL again, for those keeping track

I’m gonna go ahead and mark yusuke and jin down as a ship now before I lose control

also, jin and touya

ship count: 8/400

I should really make a list of whose’ who in that count lol

oh yeah, here’s the medical exam, I remember it

her hair is gorgeous I would marry him if she asked

WOW she doesn’t even take kuwabara just genkai and hiei

a barrier master

and she’s just

oh man she took her coat off and I melted

STOP ELECTROCUTING MY KID BABE

epilepsy warning for this whole arc

koenma you’re a jerk

jin decides to fuck off because he doesn’t like fixed fights, bless him, he’s a terrible shinobi

demon makeup cool. not cool? the FUCKING RACIST image in the back during the explanation. I SAW that feathered headdress, togashi!!

kurama isn’t BOTHERING to attack because he’s observing

and hiei tells us why kurama is going to be fucked

jin is so done with this subterfuge bullshit

the audience is eating this up and touya speaks at last, my love, my darling, my short spiky blue beautiful man

I would kill to be able to put on makeup that perfectly, that easily

I know how kurama finishes this fight, but my friend can’t remember. I love it, this is so good.

“with his hair??” she asks, shocked

“only an amateur depends on arms and legs for victory”--kurama, with a whip coming out of his hair

“How is he controlling that?”

“With his spirit energy?”

isn’t there more behind why this guy is trying os hard? they’re not being blackmailed are they

oh.

there’s more, the patterns--

fuuuuck

and of COURSE his reiki is sealed, and as long as he’s standing--goddamn

wait

touya fights an immobilized kurama?

I don’t remember that!!!! son of a BITCH

“how will yusuke’s shattered team survive” asks the narrator. “This is bad” says yusuke

this is not good

I hate that kurama seemed to observe that gama’s paint was made of blood but didn’t like. pay attention to it?

friend just punned: “Touya is a cool dude”

I’m screaming she hates puns

one of the black black club just asked sakya why he is sharing “Ass space” with demons. fucking. what.

why does the committee want yusuke so dead, when they invted him? I guess that’s the whole REASON they invited him, ugh.

genkai tries to be optimistic for the first time in this series, and kiei shuts her down immediately

ohhhh the shinobi just need attention so they keep getting jobs

koto freezes to death, it’s very sad

touya somehow thinks a theif can’t keep running.. and seems to be right

“running like a baby is perfectly brave if the odds are uneven enough”--Koenma’s words of wisdom

such an inspiring leader the spirit world has

doesn’t he smudge the seal withhis own blood HEY he does

I am remembering these things seconds before it comes into play

touya’s attacks are honestly amazing

koto is a bit twisted

kurama plants something in himself, and then that’s what holds him immobile for the next guy right?? the big one yusuke kills

why doesn’t touya know who he is??? I thought, if they called him a traitor, we could ASSUME they knoew who kurama was??

why was touya blishin’?

the ICE SWORD man oh man one of my old old old old mary sues had that attack

oh yeah there it is, the arm wound, he plants it in that

“son of a frickin bitch”--yusuke urameshi

Koenma: Why do I get the feeling our most intelligent fighter is about to do something incredibly stupid?

Kurama: Let me do what I must... *does something stupid*

touya decides they’re friends now, so he wants to kill kurama painlessly

is

is touya fucking DEAD

oh good he’s alive

but also it’s not good

oh but okay kurama won

three more then

I know kurama vs. bakken is terrible

kurama also thinks they’re friends

faint heartbeat

amazing

ah, bakken

I hate him

“a fighter standing in the ring cannot be removed agains this will. as will cannot be determined...”

hatred

hiei is ready to go to war for his man

how is that motherfucker even a shinobi

yikes that last shot of the ep is absolutely awful

yusuke promises the audience that of he goes, it will be with a bang. I remember more of a whimper when sensui kills him.

who is that last guy on team masho? I remember bakken, and it’s clearly jin, but the third one, I can’t remember

BAKKEN JUST BITCH SLAPPED KOTO

yusuke is my BOY

I love him

this “kill the traitor” count is just. horrible

kuwabara is STILL out for the count

kick his ass baby boy

yusuke is my hero

why is uh. bakken sweating so much

mist made from his own uh. sweat. that’s pretty nasty

yusuke: I hate saunas.

I don’t remember this fight taking even this long???

yusuke has such great eyelashes

boy is already so like. pumped to fight jin. 

yusuke just used eighth grade science”you can get on your hands an knees and start begging.and maybe, just maybe, I’ll listen.”--yusuke urameshi

KILL HIM YUSUKE 

he’s ready to commmit murder and it’s amazing

jin didn’t even flinch

“That’s a pretty good fight”

kurama’s gorgeous and also awake

he’s making plant jokes and I hate it

I STILL DONT REMEMBER THIS RISHO BITCH

look how great these kids are. 

I DID remember about ruka’s barrier thing healing hiei

no way jin can’t fight first if he does how does yusuke fight him SECOND????

“If I win my whole team’s screwed and if I lose I have to fight again.”

jin is amazing. seriously. also, can these boys get married please?

you know I’m a multi shipper right 

well that was a fun match, sad it’s over

jin is just

such a happy guy I love it

they call them brothers but really the chu thing is much closer to that

“ass space” bbc guy now claims to pull the tournament committee by his the “ass hairs”

so quick!!

kuwabara seems insistent on the fact that he is “spiritually aware” in situations where he lacks that talent to actually observe

yusuke lands exactly one punch and jin floats up to let the impact wear off

“Hey, I needed that!” says yusuke when his spirit gun is deflected by jins wind 

jin thinks he’s very funny

he’s right

why is boan lashing out at kuwabara, when she’s supposed to be TREATING HIM

somehow Jin with his irish accent--or rather, Jerry fucking jewell  with his irish accent--isn’t triggering at all lmao. maybe because this is how I prefer him

yusuke’s hero eyes, at it again

how many reigun shots does yusuke have left?

jin’s so good at fights I love him so much

“something always comes ot me at the end” say yusuke about his battle stretegy

hiei

genkai, sarcastic: you truly havbe a way with women, hiei

JIN IS HUMMING LOVE HIM

yusuke plans to try the spirit wave, somehow forgetting his shotgun move???

shizuru once again knows exactly what’s up

bless the kuwabara family sixth sense

it’s so weird how genkai is speaking in third person

have I mentioned how much I love Jin’s eyes? 

yusuke call shimself a freak because he enjoys fighting

okay we’re back to who the fuck risho is???

if jin’s the official captain---

oh my god I just screamed when risho revealed himself and dropped my laptop holy shit

like a gut punching, throat-tearing godawful scream. 

“IT’S YOU!!!”

oh my god I don’t reember anyting about him other than earth and rocks and how much I HATE HIM

does he fight kuwabara? yukina just showed up trying to get in to see the tournament, does she heal kuwabara for this fight?

touya comes up. does risho attack him? that would explain why I hate him

yusuke defends koto, who he doesn’t like

hiei

i love

these two children are so angry

lkjlkjdasdflkjsadfkhjsdfasdf;lkjsadf

shizuru finds yukina and recognizes her from watchign that video, bless her

girls helpin’ girls

kuwabara was never technically ruled ineligible to fight, and I hate life

ginger son, don’t do it

he is so goddamn fucking helplessly sacrificial

yukina, go inside and heal your goddamn boyfriend

yukina is looking for her brother, oh SHOCK

shizuru intimadates an entire crowd of demons

her legs oh my god

just wait kuwbara, your girl with healing powers will be there soon

kuwabara is doing his best

keiko gets hit on by a bouncer and murders him

shizuru once again takes out a demon

can kuwabara shizuru marry kino makoto please???

risho is a dick

koto is clearly a sado-masochist

hiei GET OUT OF THERE

ruka is just like. a fetish indulgence of the artists. I know she’s hot but how long are they going to draw this out? 

koto: I’m goign to take the ocunt now, so everybody make sure to tell me how I’m doing it wrong, okay?

savage

START the DOUNT KOTO, he’s OUT of the ring

shizuru WRECK THEM

oh yukina has ptsd flashbacks when she runs into toguro

sakyo lets shizuru escape bless her

kuwabara prepares to sacrifice his ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE and becomes telpathic?? bless

kuwabara can’t imagine what to say to yusuke, who means so much to him, goddamnit

yukina is in the stadium, babies

YOU’VE GOT TO BELIIIIIIIIIIIIEVE IN THE POWER OF LOOOOVE

IT GIVE MEANING TO EACH MOMENT

IT’S WHAT OUR HEARTS ARE ALL MADE OF (just look inside)

oh my god

amazing

“That’s my girlfriend!”--Kuwabara Kazuma, aged fourteen

yusuke is astounded by his boy

koto isn’t counting either of them

SPIRIT SWORD

GET IN THE RING 

damn kuwabara

I can’t beleive he did it that’ s an highly unlikely triumph

hiei

“She’s... really here.”

Kuwabara bonds with yukina while keikpo and keiko FINALLY talk

KILL HIM BABY GIRL

pls get married

t;dr I would marry shizuru in a heartbeat if I didn’t know she was meant for sailor jupiter

shoutout to @batmares!!! thank you ever so much for joining me today for the Urameshi vs. Ninja arc of the dark tournament saga!

[fidgetheart]

leafpool and/or brackenfur!! for tha ask meme

send me a character and i’ll list

@shitsstorm​ ((thank you!! :D))

okay so I’m gonna post it under the cut after Leafpool’s bc it’s gonna be long otherwise ahah

Leafpool

favorite thing about them

hhh I just?? really enjoy her character bc she’s flawed but she means well and, and she’s just… a rounded character which is, tbh, not easy to come by in the world of murder cats

but also the fact she willingly punished herself for having kits says a lot about her character - she willingly stepped down from the position she adored, the only position she ever loved, and did her very best to be a decent warrior

least favorite thing about them

uh…. from what I understand about Leafpool’s Wish, she seemed kinda ooc?? and I’m not digging the idea that she pressured her sister (guilt tripping her?? idk) into taking her kits instead of claiming they found them abandoned or somethin’

but like… I feel like that’s more on the authors/editors? bc, again from what I understand, is that she was acting ooc and ooc is gonna be more writer error than character intention (depending on how it’s handled/the situation)

tho, of course, even if it’s not ooc, I still don’t like that :/ 

favorite line

hmm… “”It was my fault alone. You are wrong to blame Squirrelflight. She was just being loyal to me.” (The Last Hope)

I mean, there’s more to the quote, but that bit I just really love bc it shows Leafpool knows it was her fault and does her best to try and restore the trust Squirrelflight lost

brOTP

her and Sorreltail!!

OTP

her and Mothwing ofc

nOTP

lmao, her and Crowfeather

their relationship is just… Not Good™ considering that both were probably… just really lost/lonely?? like, we know Leafpool was desperate for someone bc she was feeling like she was being pushed out of her role/her Clan, and I’m sure Crowfeather wasn’t in a great position himself considering he lost Feathertail and I’m sure his Clan was still sour with him up and leaving like that despite it being a StarClan thing (not to mention, I don’t think Crowfeather choosing his name was taken lightly with his Clanmates asdfjhdsfj)

random headcanon

um… I like to think that she really cares for Puddleshine like a son after living in ShadowClan for the few moons to train him. like, I feel like almost every apprentice and mentor have a really close bond with one another?? something that differs from kinship, so I feel like that especially goes for those two, even though Leafpool didn’t train him for as long as she should have and that they’re now in separate Clans

unpopular opinion

oh heck if I know I don’t really pay attention to popular opinions sadfjsfd

I guess that a (arguably) popular opinion is that she and Crowfeather should’ve stayed away from the Clans to live together permanently?? like… I just can’t get on board with that ahah

I feel like Crowfeather would be just fine as a rogue/longer, but Leafpool needs a Clan structure and does better surrounded by family/Clanmates than she would depending on one cat for the rest of her life

song i associate with them

idk, tbh?? like I’m sure I had a song associated with her at some point but I can’t remember what now asdfhfashk

aCTUALLY I associate her with “It’s Your Life” by Francesca Battistelli that’s just something I haven’t thought about in a few years holy moly

favorite picture of them

I love basically every design I’ve seen with her, but I really love seeing her with a brown pelt (instead of a red/ginger based brown) with a white belly!! like, the white pops nicely against the brown?? so definitely an aesthetic thing

Brackenfur

favorite thing about them

EVERYTHING

asdfjhsdafjhs I mean that’s an overstatement, but I just??? really love him he’s just a great character despite something bland moments (see below for a bit more detail), and he’s just a sweet guy?? like, poor dude was ignored by his actual mentor (thanks Graystripe) but never held resentment toward him, he was determined to help Snowkit become a warrior and ran after the hawk that took Snowkit despite everyone else giving up the moment the hawk took off from the camp, and he just… always does his best

least favorite thing about them

again, it’s less of a character thing and more of a writer thing, but I feel like he has a lot of untapped potential and is… just kinda there?? so he’s just… not really exciting tbh bc he’s often just shoved to the side and ignored

likewise, I just… don’t see him to be the deputy/leader type?? I’ll explain more down in the unpopular opinion part

favorite line

“Every leaf and every blade of grass reminds me of her. I know she’s watching over me and her kits from StarClan. One day we’ll meet again. I would wait forever to see her face once more.” (Bramblestar’s Storm)

hhhh like rip my heart out sdafjkdasfhjafs

he just?? loves Sorreltail so much and can’t wait to see her but he’s still just truckin’ through despite his pain and hhhhhhhh

brOTP

him and Cinderpelt!!

OTP

absolutely him and Sorreltail

nOTP

uh… idk of any other ships with him tbh??? so I don’t have an answer for this whoops

random headcanon

he used to only be close to Cinderpelt bc they were apprenticed together, while Thornclaw and Brightheart were made apprentices until he was basically a warrior. bc of that, he did everything he could to help Cinderpelt adjust to her new life as a medicine cat, and when Brightheart was mauled, he did his best to help their mother and Cinderpelt cope with the event. it was after Brightheart and Thornclaw were made warriors that he began to connect with his other siblings again, and the three of them are very tight, especially after Cinderpelt was killed

unpopular opinion

okay, so I know a lot of people want him to be deputy/leader, and I do like that idea, but I feel like… he’s just no that type of cat

like, I feel like Brackenfur is content with just being a warrior - I feel like he doesn’t want to be moved to a higher position, and I think he would be uncomfortable as ThunderClan’s deputy (though I doubt he would express that discomfort and do his best anyway)

song i associate with them

“King” by Lauren Aquilina! bc of that MAP based on him with that song ahah (which you can see here)

favorite picture of them

hmmm… I really love every design I’ve seen for him so far?? but I absolutely adore @nmirah‘s design for him!

[ramenfallsbutnotudon]

Riverdale Raw Thoughts

Binge watched Riverdale last night as my Netflix membership for the month was expiring. (Not renewing again until early November to watch S2 The Crown and other stuff I’m waiting on) - Like I literally stayed up from 9 pm to 6 pm this morning watching the show straight and then went to bed and woke up at noon.

Cheesy dialogue aside, it was pretty great for what it was.

But it suffered from the same thing Scream Queens did - interesting core plot, but cheesy cringy writing and too many pop culture references to pander to their target audience demographic (I’m assuming 18-34)

Wishy-washy social commentary: 

FP Jones ain’t shit but Jughead has a cute beenie and is sensitive so he’s a-okay.

 Alice Cooper grew up on the “wrong side of the tracks” but married well so now she’s determined to keep south side trash out by joining the “neighborhood watch” and using her white woman hood, white feminism and ‘come-uppance’ privilage to publish edgy think pieces.

Betty Cooper has some pent up rage that is sorta overlooked because it was “for good” (doing it for the girls and trying to get revenge for Polly - and because the guy was Black, thinly veiled anti-blackness) until it isn’t overlooked but simply mentioned . Then she initally starts using Jughead and Jughead calls it out and she kind of agrees and says she has “darkness” in her - until something happens again and she decides to “let the darkness out” and be selfish and blame it on something else again.

Jughead getting dealt a piss poor hand, being okay at the South Side school (he’s a gang member - arguably gang leader or liutenant’s son...of course he’s fine jesus fucking christ Riverdale) until the trio of good show up to...talk to him and comfort him? and they realize he’s fine.

Betty making a white feminist speech about the town needing to do better because yes although her boyfriend’s dad is a Serpent he’s a good person and although her parents told her to shut her mouth she feels it’s the right thing to do. [She actually did not care about the Serpents before and her buds Veronica and Kevin  heckled them during the last drive in movie screening.but whatevs] After the speech she has no solution or propsed ways the town can “do better” and there’s this awkward silence and everyone’s favorite punching bag has to clap it up so people blindy accept that lackluster speech. (I don’t expect a teenage girl to fix the towns problems but if you wanted to tackle the issue and get people talking shouldnt’t you also have some thoughts other than people not being mean to your boyfriend?)

Jughead not having shit and the gang seeing him enter the trailer with a girl and (maybe wanting to keep a pg 13 rating) stop him before their steamy make out session leads to something more give him a jacket to become a serpent and Betty is angry that he’s trying to survive and embracing the gang life that he’s essentially grown up around and will be surrounded by until he comes of age.

Archie’s dad’s forhead. my god. not social commentary but damn it bugged me.

Archie and his hottie teacher banging without impuity and her being allowed to quietly leave after obviously being a predator and dangerous person. (did they ever give her back her gun??? IS that what Alice uses when Hal breaks back in? Did Hal ever mention he stole the evidence to the sheriff even after it came to light FP was innocent?)

Archie wanting the pussy cat’s to use his song so he manipulates one of the band members (Valerie), dates her, uses their connections, ignores her, and when she dumps him and tells him why he isn’t shit he somehow doesn’t get it.

Valerie being acceptable to date because she has blue eyes and light skin but she’s rarely heard from when she’s no longer helping archie’s ‘music career’ but simply dating him.

Archie playing along with Cheryl’s crazy ass family “for his music” as an excuse to be selfish.

Archie trying to be a tortured soul when his dad point blank asked him why he’s lying if he wants music that’s cool it’s just unstable; someone else (Veronica I think?) kind of saying why are you being like this no one is making you choose between Football and music; someone bringing up he was only music when he was banging his hottie teacher; the football team heckles him once but they seen he’s Troy Bolton & they accepted him - everyone fucking accepted him but himself like christ and he spent the whole season searching for validation of his self worth in women and girls.

Just Archie I mean christ lmfao. You don’t like Betty, You make out with Veronica, you decide your really into your hottie music teacher and manipulate her into music lessons (although she manipulated the hell out of him as well), when your dad starts getting a boner for her you try to cut contact with her short, people find out, you decide the pussy cats are your answer, they explain they are black and because of the culture they have had to fight hard and they can’t have a white man just step in and run shit, archie the white man steps in and runs shit, archie breaks them up, Archie says he can’t perform alone and manipulates Valerie playing on her insecurities to leave the band, archie decides “he was wrong” and Veronica decides to help him, he ditches Veronica because he looked within himself and realized he wasn’t shit, he patronizes jughead and only resumes their rocky friendship because he wanted him to keep the secret about him banging their hottie teacher, he’s semi jealous that jughead is dating Betty, archie then really wants Veronica and wants to make sure Betty isn’t jealous. He keeps playing the hero...something which probably got his dad killed at the end - If there’s a s2 I haven’t seen it yet)

Veronica Lodge is hella famous by name and it’s a small town everyone knows who she is and she even points out that she expected more people to talk to her and acknowledge her divine presence but Kevin is like “lol you got overshadowed by another rich person’s death” /s but... Ethel Muggs truly has no fucking idea who she is? No incling? No rumors? Is she really that much of a rock-dweller?

The whole incest baby thing....the josef mengele joke...the fact that Jason and Cheryl were twins.....the eugenics joke when Cheryl’s face says them damn well know they practice eugenics and ethic breeding and need to keep up the “blossom apperance” (Her dad’s red wigs, using Archie as a stand-in for Jason...but I digress -  just touch on the topic to sound edgy and draw controversy but leave it shallow eh?)

The whole “lol let’s ship our pregnant daughter away to a literal convent in 2017 because I was shipped to a convent in the late 80′s early 90′s- but why is she mad at me I love her I’d never do anything to hurt her like ambushing her and having her dragged away against her will as an underage expecting teenager lol”

Hyping big bad black football player up to fuck shit up at Archie’s party and in reality he kinda did...nothing? lmao  (a la Jughead’s aminous V.O. about “no one expected what happened at that party” or some shit )

The whole “the sins of the father don’t or shouldn’t reflect on the daughter” but Veronica gets away scott free essentially and Cheryl literally loses everything because I mean fuck those Blossoms amirite lololol /S

Archie looked like Jason, got his number initially before retiring it (lol kind of insensitive to have his doppleganger become team captain for plot purposes later on ) and the Blossoms essentially used him because he mirrored Jason at the tapping ceremony.

The name Hermione Lodge lmfao she’s not old enough for the HP book reading mom boom.

Hermione Lodge and Hiram Lodge’s intials on that stupid fucking bag.

Veronica being rich and intelligent but her morals making her real fucking dumb. (I wanna go home but I also wanna coddle everyone my daddy hurt but I still wanna be rich lol but I’m implicating my mom and she’s literally begging and pleading me to stop and having crying fits but lol justice and my chanel bags hahaha and I’m gonna go clubbing and shopping even though my mom is working as a waitress and flirting with her old hs boyfriend to secure a job so we can continue to float and not drown and not be taken down by the families my dad hurt lololol omg archie is a hot prince harry hipster ginger amirite lololol the met gala lalala rich girl things new york lol)

The whole plot demand that Veronica win the impromptu HBIC dance off when big red Cheryl actually killed that shit and Veronica danced like a fucking robot.

ARCHIE HURT HIS HAND PLAYING FOOTBALL AND CRACKING THICK ICE WITH HIS BARE BLOODY KNUCKLES HOW DOES THE GINGER WONDER STILL HAVE USE OF THAT HAND ? The body heals but it’s never the same after repeated exposed trama’s to the same area in a short period of time.

.....I’ve ranted enough about this and I didn’t even mean to.

The last two episodes seemed to have been steamrolled for the sake up tying up loose ends to create a cliffhanger for another season.

Again, good for what it was....but... I truly enjoyed that the real villian was capitalism. Good job millenials.

 (not sarcasm. Capitlaism destroyed Jughead’s future a la his father FP and Fred Andrews - The Coopers and the Blossoms - Josie McCoy’s mom - “Criminal” capitalism Hiram Lodge ruining his associates lives, the small town not working for everyone -  Archie’s mom moving (after seperation), Jughead’s mom moving, Veronica’s mom moving back because she can survive in their economy on the nest money Hiram left....) etc etc

These small cosy “uppercrust white” town just isn’t safe anymore.

I mean have you seen that new negro mayor? That wealthy latina woman and her daughter?That negro coach and his star player son?

Remember - without Capitalism there is no social inequality, systematic racism, white supremacy, classism, etc etc

(also my personal issues with one of the actors colored this a bit biased....but on how things went it was cool.)

Also our culture has a real hardon for the 1950s eh? I know it’s based on the Archie Comics but Stranger Things, 13 Reasons Why...other media where we’re going for the small town america aesthetic and “traditional values” and sprinkling in some social issues and people of color for kicks.

On to season 2 I guess lol.

Don’t put too much stock into my raw thoughts, I just think shows (especially in our current political climate and reality) should commit to what they really want.

[october31st1981]

Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me

James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin 

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

Sirius Black to Babe: u know it’s extremely rude to fuck in the house while ur babysitter is downstairs watching ur kid

James Potter to Hot Stuff: i don’t pay u to complain 

Sirius Black: u are literally not paying me

Sirius Black: i am doing this out of love for this little banshee

James Potter: we made u godfather. and u can have dibs if i knock lily up 2nite

Sirius Black: fine but at least play some music or smth christ what are u doing to her?????

Lily Potter to The Other Woman: Quit texting James while we’re fucking 

Lily Potter: Tho he is surprisingly good at multitasking 

Sirius Black to Sugar Tits: only if u make him call u daddy 

Lily Potter: Deal

James Potter to James Has A Daddy Kink: lupin will you look after harry next weekend? sirius is permanently banned from babysitting

Sirius Black: Still godfather m8

James Potter: not anymore remus is godfather now

Peter Pettigrew: am i not on the list??

James Potter: you will get on the list once u stop screaming every time he poos

Peter Pettigrew: fair enough 

Remus Lupin: Can I be godfather when Harry’s like ten? Babies are terrifying

Sirius Black: i will not stand for this betrayal 

Sirius Black changed the chat name to James Wanked To McGonagall For All Of Year 9.

Peter Pettigrew: pretty sure it was longer than year 9 👀👀👀👀

James Potter: it’s not embarrassing if ur not ashamed

Remus Lupin: If you’re gonna text me at work at least leave my colleagues’ names out of the group chat 

Peter Pettigrew: should u b texting while ur teaching?

Remus Lupin: The kids are using their phones to film for a presentation it’s fine probably

Sirius Black: see potter? he’s already showing he’s bad w/ kids he’s gonna let harry on the internet unsupervised

James Potter: harry is 1

Sirius Black: ur never too young 2 start developing abandonment issues 

Remus Lupin changed the chat name to Sirius Wanked to Yugioh in Sixth Form.

Sirius Black: listen here u little shit

James Potter to Ginger Spice: lily look!!!

Lily Potter to Daddy’s Girl: U have sent me 12 pictures of Harry dressed as a penguin in the past 2 minutes

Lily Potter: (((And I have loved every single 1 of them our baby is the cutest?!?!)))

James Potter: i fucking know right

James Potter: legitimately he’s better than other babies

Lily Potter: Our baby could take the Longbottoms baby in a fight

James Potter: our baby could take DUMBLEDORE in a fight

Lily Potter: I mean ur right but

Lily Potter: In what situation would our son be fighting the headmaster of our secondary school

James Potter: idk but he’d fuckin wreck him have u seen how hard he pulls on hair he’d rip that beard right the fuck off

Lily Potter: Tru

Remus Lupin to Jimbo: How did you get i’m a furry to autocorrect to i’m a furry

Remus Lupin: DAMN IT I MEAN I’M A FURRY

James Potter to Dances with Wolves: we’ve all known for a long time remus i’m not here to judge u

Remus Lupin: I’M NOT A FURRY

Remus Lupin: I’M A FURRY

James Potter: u seem to be experiencing some conflicting emotions

Remus Lupin: I’m trying to say I’M S I C K

James Potter: of hiding ur true nature as a furry? we’re sick of ur denial as well mate

Remus Lupin: You are officially disowned 

James Potter: ur not my real dad 

Peter Pettigrew to Remus is a Furry: so are u like a brony or do u dress up as a wolf and sniff people? 

James Potter: the 2nd one definitely 

Sirius Black: idk man i think i saw him eyeing one of harry’s picture books the other day

Sirius Black: does red riding hood get u going

Petter Pettigrew: lmao

Remus Lupin: Potter I’m gonna murder you

James Potter: just try it my son will avenge me 

Sirius Black: oooooo he’s got u remus what r u gonna do fight a baby

Remus Lupin: I will explain to Harry about how his father was a bellend and he will take my side

James Potter: lies. harry will never doubt my honour. just the other day peter sneezed on me and harry bit him

Peter Pettigrew: thought he bit me bc hes teething?

James Potter: irrelevant 

James Potter to Never Furget: remus did u change all my profile pics to screencaps from bambi

Remus Lupin to Jimmy Neutron: Why do you ask?

James Potter: bc everyone is commenting on them but i can’t see them or take them down what did u do

Remus Lupin: Maybe the universe did this to you James

Remus Lupin: The world is trying to tell you who the real furry here is

Remus Lupin to Jimothy: Did you buy me a fucking bunny?

James Potter to Froot Lupes: remus i know ur new to pet ownership but bunnies aren’t for fucking

Remus Lupin: James. Why did someone deliver a rabbit to my house

James Potter: i thought u could use some company

James Potter: since ur both

Remus Lupin: DO NOT

James Potter: furry

Remus Lupin: I’m moving to Australia

Remus Lupin to James is Not One of Us: Just because I’m keeping the bunny doesn’t mean you’re forgiven

Remus Lupin: It’s for the children. My students have fallen in love with it

Sirius Black: sure ““““ur students””” fell in love with it 

Sirius Black: speaking of children who r u gonna turn to now potter

Sirius Black: if i’m banned from babysitting and u and remus r on the outs

James Potter: pete’s still here 

Peter Pettigrew: yeah im still here

Sirius Black: peter tell me how you change a nappy without looking at wikihow

Peter Pettigrew: um

James Potter: our house has wifi? 

Lily Potter to Bambi: Peter Pettigrew is not babysitting for us ever again

Lily Potter: He flushed a disposable nappy today

Lily Potter: Naked Sunday is canceled 

James Potter to Faline: but it’s the day of our lord lily

James Potter to Boyz II Men: congratulations sirius ur hereby reinstated as godfather 

Sirius Black: good bc i’m thinking of getting a sidecar for my motorbike

James Potter: harry is not allowed on ur motorbike until he is at least 9

Remus Lupin: I think you’re forgetting how Harry got home from the hospital

James Potter: fine. harry is allowed if both lily and i are also on it

Peter Pettigrew: #parenting

Peter Pettigrew: i got fired today btw

James Potter: what? why???

Sirius Black: what did u do

Remus Lupin: Are you alright?

Peter Pettigrew: im fine 

Peter Pettigrew: director was just looking for “something else”

Sirius Black: that’s shit

James Potter: sorry pete 

Remus Lupin: Is there anything we can do to help?

Peter Pettigrew: idk maybe we could just hang out and talk?

James Potter: sure we can do that 

Sirius Black: i’m not good w/ emotional intimacy

Sirius Black: how do u feel abt alcohol?

James Potter to Meri Jaan: i msis u

James Potter: ur os pretty 

Lily Potter to You Are My Soniya: It’s 2am love

James Potter: i kno btu thsi is v importnat

Lily Potter: What is it?

James Potter: i lvoe sirius

Lily Potter: Unbelievable 

James Potter: and u!!11111

James Potter: also im srory if i pee on hte rose bsushes a gain

Sirius Black to Blossom Powerpuff: just so u know we’ve taken james’s phone from him 

Sirius Black: but he says i’ve gotta tell u that ur his favourite wife

Lily Potter to Mojo Jojo: I’m his only wife

Sirius Black: james says ‘irrelevant’ 

James Potter to Heart Eyes: love u’ve gotta stop sexting me while i’m w/ clients

Lily Potter to Poop Emoji: Why’s that?

James Potter: i’m developing some kind of pavlovian response

James Potter: every time i look at a surrealist painting i get an erection

Lily Potter: Paint me like one of ur french abstractions from reality

James Potter: sex fiend 

Lily Potter: U love it 

Remus Lupin to Lil Wayne: You and James need to stop have things delivered to my house

Remus Lupin: I promise you I can feed myself without a 15 year old dropping off a week’s worth of groceries 

Lily Potter to R. Kelly: Bread and chocolate is not a diet Remus

Remus Lupin: It has kept me alive this long 

Lily Potter: Ur lucky we don’t have u move in. James says ur too skinny these days

Remus Lupin: James is built like a broomstick

Lily Potter: ...

Lily Potter: I want to defend him bc he is my husband but.... u right

Remus Lupin: Then will you stop trying to parent me

Lily Potter: Don’t talk back to ur mother Lupin

James Potter to The Lady from the Bee Movie: evans r u wearing my jeans again

Lily Potter to Jerry Seinfield: No

James Potter: ur having a picnic with bathilda in her garden and harry and i are in our sitting room w/ the curtains open i can literally see u

Lily Potter: Maybe these are mine

James Potter: i’m almost a foot taller than u and ur jeans r not that long

Lily Potter: If they r ur jeans what are you going to do about it

James Potter: ur gonna catch these hands

James Potter: in ur own bc i love u

James Potter: but i still want my jeans back

Lily Potter: I want my pre-baby figure back m8

James Potter: touché 

Sirius Black to Cars 2: pete how would u feel abt modeling

Peter Pettigrew to The Lion King: funny 

Peter Pettigrew: hard to get an acting job thats not typecast 

Sirius Black: i’m srs

Sirius Black: i mean. u know what i mean

Peter Petitgrew: modelings fine. i’ve done some hand stuff

Sirius Black: sometimes when reg can’t make a job his agency will offer it to me

Sirius Black: and i told them i wouldn’t do it unless i could bring a friend

Peter Pettigrew: thanks... u didnt have to do that

Sirius Black: don’t make it weird peter just take the job 

Sirius Black to Peter Does Hand Stuff: i’m handsome right

Sirius Black: like i am good looking

James Potter: tru

Remus Lupin: yeah

Sirius Black: then how did i get kicked off a photoshoot so they could take more pictures of pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew: dorcas said it was bc ur face is too unnatural

Peter Pettigrew: no one looks like that in real life

Sirius Black: i look like this in real life!!!

Peter Pettigrew: anyway dorcas told me they want me to be the face of the whole campaign which is cool

James Potter: that’s fantastic pete!!

Remus Lupin: Congrats Peter!

Sirius Black: i can’t believe u would sell me out

Peter Pettigrew: were all just trying to survive capitalism sirius

Sirius Black: so money is worth more than our friendship

James Potter: sirius u don’t even like modelling

Remus Lupin: Also you don’t need the money, you’ve got your inheritance and your radio work

Sirius Black: i like to know who has a price they can be bought for

Sirius Black: in case one of us ends up murdered

James Potter: walburga really fucked u up huh

Lily Potter to Put A Ring On It: R u on your way home?

James Potter to Crazy In Love: on the tube

James Potter: did u want takeaway again? bc i kno the chinese made u sick the other night so maybe i can just get u soup?

Lily Potter: No I’m fine I just wanted to know when you were coming back

Lily Potter: I have news

James Potter: tell me. the man beside me is cutting his hair and it’s getting on my trousers. i could do with good news

Lily Potter: I’ll tell u when ur home

James Potter: evans u can’t just dangle news in front of me like that and then take it away i demand answers

Lily Potter: It’s in-person news

James Potter: r we getting divorced? is this bc i said prefer 7/11 to formation

Lily Potter: That is definitely grounds for divorce but no

James Potter: lily ur worrying me. is everything ok???

James Potter: i’m gonna call

James Potter: i’m losing service hold on

Lily Potter: James we’re going to have another baby

James Potter: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James Potter: i love you. i can’t hold u yet so i’m gonna hug the haircut man

Lily Potter: <3 <3 <3

James Potter: i may have just told him we’d name our baby after him how do u feel abt the name christobal

Lily Potter: Hard pass

James Potter: u said that abt me once and now i’ve impregnated u twice so i’m gonna tell him maybe

Lily Potter changed the chat name to Sirius Has Dibs.

Sirius Black: r u hitting on me evans

Sirius Black: u do realize ur husband is also on this chat. i mean i’m up for a menage a potter but what will we tell harry 

Peter Pettigrew: james’s parents like adopted u this is definitely some kind of incest

Sirius Black: “Definitely Some Kind of Incest” is the black family motto

Remus Lupin: Tbh I’m surprised you don’t have a tail

Sirius Black: how do u kno that i don’t u don’t kno my life

Lily Potter: It’s good 2 know our children will have positive role models

James Potter: it’s too late for harry we’ll just have to get better friends with this one

Peter Pettigrew: ????????

Sirius Black: ur not

Sirius Black: U ARE

Remus Lupin: Congratulations?!

Sirius Black: UR HAVING A FETUS

Peter Pettigrew: BLIMEY CONGRATS

Remus Lupin: Wasn’t Harry born literally yesterday? You guys are like rabbits

Sirius Black: i can’t believe evans is ““in trouble”” again this is wild i bet it’s bc euphemia used all those metaphors while giving u the sex talk

James Potter: papa don’t preach

Sirius Black: i love it when u call me papa

Sirius Black: wait do i have dibs bc of.... u guys r disgusting 

Lily Potter: Does that mean u don’t want dibs?

Sirius Black: NO I HAVE DIBS ON ALL POTTER CHILDREN NOW AND FOREVER THEY’RE GONNA BE MY ARMY TO FIGHT REMUS’S SECONDARY SCHOOL KIDS

Remus Lupin: I can’t in good conscience send eleven-year-olds to war but on the other hand you’re on

Peter Pettigrew: £5 on the fetus 

Lily Potter: £1000 on the fetus Potter Progeny United

James Potter: this is why i married u