If you saw this on the Dropout Discord, no you didn't. But I have to talk about the family dynamics and relationships in this last episode of Fantasy High because I can't stop thinking about it.
Okay but seriously, the conversation with Sklonda and the one with Aelwyn have me feeling all sorts of ways thanks to my weird mix of developmental trauma. They hit SO HARD
I can't stop thinking about how Aelwyn felt like she had to move out not because anyone did anything wrong at Mordrid Manor, but because they were too kind and nice to her. Like there's this incredibly confusing and impossible to articulate combination of despair, confusion, disgust, jealousy, and shame that comes from being in a place that loves and accepts you for you after being in a place that didn't for so long. And how even if you know logically that the place is safe and you are loved, your body just doesn't believe it and you're constantly on edge and overwhelmed. It's painfully relatable as someone with that experience. I've never seen someone else relate or put those feelings into words before but I feel so seen.
Sklonda just caring so deeply about her son and being so worried and also so frustrated with her son's friends is just heartbreaking. And her not liking that they call him Ball is just icing on the cake. Because in reality, it's not a very kind nickname, seeing as it comes from Riz being bullied. And even though Riz has reclaimed it, the scars are still healing for Sklonda and that's deep too. That hit real hard too!
OH and don't even get me started on Fabian being neglected. His mom called FIG AND NOT HIM?! OH MY GOD IT HURTS! The role play this season hurts SO GOOD!!
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My therapist figured out that I’ll infodump about my pets if she asks about them. So she weaponized that to help bring me down to neutral whenever I’m having heightened emotions or physical discomfort.
Today I brought over one of my millipedes to show her on camera and it helped a lot to talk about them!! But then I realized…
I have Emotional Support Millipedes
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Sometimes I find myself thinking about Din Djarin a little too much that I get concerned and think that I really should go to therapy...
Well, I'm finally doing that (again) tomorrow... :)
Feeling pretty nervous about it but hoping that because I now know I'm autistic it will help me understand/explain things a little better! Hopefully this is the start of a journey to finally become a healthier, happier version of myself :)
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I don't know how to get the care I need.
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i got a new burgundy lipstick and i wanna do lady gaga alejandro makeup lewk with the bleached brows before shower it’s literally therapy for me just doing fun makeup before i take it off for the night…
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when I’m really honest with myself, I do know my worth. I know that I’m a good person and worthy of love as I am without needing to morph into what I think someone else may like. And that fucking sucks actually. Because I’m also really fucking lonely. The temptation to just settle is so strong. But there has to be something incredibly special out there waiting for me because I deserve it, god damn it. But when
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS
purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
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