#also this is all something i think the master needs to realise (especially a post dhawan one)

[bingqiv]

it’s just the way that the doctor still tragically loves the master despite everything.

the master has destroyed their planet and violated their people in the worst way possible and yet they’re still intrinsically entwined for eternity.

the master is who he thinks about when there’s a chance he may die and the master is who he thinks about when he survives.

missy said “my heart is maintained by the doctor” and i do think that’s mutual. the doctor’s hearts are maintained by the master, they always have been and always will be.

[4dkellysworld]

Real talk: When I gave up

Okay real talk here. This journey isn't always easy, especially at the start when you've just learned everything and you're identifying with an ego. Near the beginning of my journey, I came to understand a lot of the teachings intellectually and even instinctively. There was only one thing left. To realize Self. And I would keep trying with all these practices but felt like nothing was "happening" (even though intellectually I already knew there was nothing to achieve since we are already Self!). It was frustrating (but of course! I was still looking at all this from the identification of the ego).

Then one day I was sick of trying, sick of feeling desperate, sick of being on this goddamn mental pilgrimage, that I decided to give up on trying altogether. I already AM Self. From that day on, I decided I would always identify as Self and never again as the ego. And that's when things started naturally unfolding without me even doing anything and I gained more understanding experientially. Probably an unpopular take (for realized gurus lol) but I also threw away self-inquiry as a practice because I found it to be the least helpful for me personally and why do I need to ask "Who am I" when I already know I Am?

Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are - Nisargadatta Maharaj

I stopped seeking. I stopped trying. I stopped asking questions (including self-inquiry yay!). I stopped doing any practices to "get" or "understand" or "realize" anything. I stopped caring about understanding more of the teachings or gaining more understanding intellectually. I stopped thinking of Self-identification as some goal to reach, something that I need to progress on. I stopped waiting for anything to happen and just enjoyed being in the Now. I didn't realise at the time and only now upon reflection I realise that I gave up on all ego activities on spirituality lol. All of that is the ego looking for something to do and trying to achieve something. Only through my experience, do I now understand more deeply the things that realized masters have said. E.g. Robert Adams said something like "stop trying and seeking to be liberated and you will be because you already are". We've imagined our prisons but we are actually already liberated and always have been.

I decided (because it's true!) I already AM Self, it's not something you need to become (or understand in order to become). And because I AM, there is nothing to do but be.

edit: I found this passage a day after writing the initial draft of this post and Robert Adams said the same thing! But giving up was something I was led to by listening to Self. Truth is Truth :)

There is nothing you can think of in this Universe that can tell you what you are. It is beyond words and thoughts. You can never with your finite mind understand who you are. So do not try to do this. It works in reverse. It is when you actually stop thinking about who you are, or wanting to know who you are, and you stop analyzing, and you stop trying to figure it out, that the truth about you is revealed. Self-Realization from Silence of the Heart - Robert Adams

Two things I didn't stop doing: observing as the witness consciousness and sitting in silence in the awareness of being. But both "practices" are things I as Self naturally do because it's my very nature! It's not the same as when I used to identify as the ego and did them because I was trying to achieve something. Sitting in silence & stillness is literally my favourite activity now haha. I'm not sure whether to describe witnessing my ego progressively dissolving or merging into Self because both feel correct? Ah but that doesn't matter. Another thing I stopped caring is to label things as well and just let everything be and unfold on its own - there truly is so much peace and beauty in just being Self! I'm only trying to use words to describe this to share with others in case it's helpful for their journeys but of course words are limiting and you can only understand this when you experience it yourself.

There is nothing to get, only just BE. And it is soooo freeing and wonderful once you understand this. Give up on trying to make the mind and ego understand you are Self, that is a fruitless task. Leave them be. Stop trying to make things happen and just let things be. The more you stay in silence with this understanding, the more the light of awareness shines through and the more you will experientially understand this. Allow things to be and happen on their own, including the permanent identification with Self. Have no desires, expectations or judgments and just surrender to the Now. Just keep being Self.

Only look at who you are, over and over and over until it becomes the permanent identification and replaces the ego. - 4dbarbie

Remember to listen to your own Self above all. Everything else is simply a guide to point you towards Self. You are your greatest teacher! So listen to your Self and do what feels right for you.

Your own self is your ultimate teacher, the outer teacher is merely a milestone. It is only your inner teacher that will walk with you to the goal, because he is the goal. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

[ravenscosmos]

☆ TIPS I THINK CAN HELP 〜

Before anyone comes at me :

Everyone’s journey is differently and the things I’ll list here might not resonate with you , but maybe it gives someone a new perspective or motivation !

In less than 24 hours a lot has changed for me and made me realise a ton of things . Especially things many people have already said here on tumblr ! ( more to it maybe in a different post ! )

☆〜 The first thing I’d like to ask you is :

When was the last time you sat down with yourself and gave yourself time to think, rest and ask yourself the following questions

Am I still satisfied with my dr / … ? Do I still want to shift there ? Am I comfortable there ? Do I feel safe (enough) there ? Is there anything that upsets me ?

Do I still want to shift with method x/y ( or don’t use a method at all ! ) ? Do I still want to wake up there ?

How do I view shifting ? Is it something I think is real & easy ? Or do I think I’ll never shift ? Am I scared to shift ? Do I want to do something before I shift ?

Cause one of the things , that may can help is to keep tabs on your thoughts and feelings about the places you want to shift to ! If you don’t feel like shifting to your current Main Dr , then that’s totally okay ! You can always shift there later <3 . There is no need to force yourself to shift to a reality you don’t vibe with ( at the moment ) ! Then shifting shouldn’t feel like a draining chore you have to do , it’s about YOURSELF ! Your wants , your desires and feelings !

☆〜 The second thing is :

Is it YOUR shifting journey , or is it the journey of your favourite tumblr/shift-toker ?

I noticed it a lot that many people either subconsciously or consciously, put their own journeys behind them and rather focused what others may do and had more interest in what they’re experiencing and how they do things constantly!

And no , I don’t mean the people who ( I also did it lol ) , asked some people on tumblr how they did a certain thing , or which affirmations they’ve used ! There is nothing wrong with asking someone, how they shift & what they did AS LONG AS YOU RESPECT BOUNDARIES, and don’t push them . ++ you don’t neglect your journey by consuming constantly other people’s content !!

☆ Now here are just tips that may help lol

Shadow work ( @lovebvni posted about it a bit ! ) <3

MINDSET ! Can be a true life changer :3 !!! It doesn’t matter if it’s for believing in shifting , trusting yourself to manifest , believing you‘re a master shifter/manifester , waking up in your dr , that shifting is easy ,,,….

Take a break from tumblr/tiktok/reddit/amino,… and concentrate on your journey for a couple of days !

In general taking a break !

Choosing a way to shift and sticking for a bit with it ( unless you really feel like forcing yourself etc !) — doesn’t matter if it’s shifting through the void state , through sleep paralysis , without a method and just affirmations , just waking up in your dr/wr/.. , raven method , Julia method , through hypnogogic state , …

Making your own „method“ / routine !

SELFCARE & PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST ! Don‘t feel guilty for doing what you like and taking breaks :3 ! Ofc you don’t need to put yourself first to shift or anything, but you should still take care of yourself: CUZ U DESERVE IT !<3

Robotic affirmations !

☆ thank you for reading

[intuitive-revelations]

Retrospective notes and what to keep an eye on after The Legend of Ruby Sunday

I started writing this while watching through a second time. While my thoughts were still a bit random and out of order, I've edited them into something that makes a bit more sense to read through.

Susan:

A little bit weird at first that Ruby asks why the Doctor doesn't recognise his own granddaughter, given that she doesn't know about regeneration yet and Susan Twist is clearly not mixed race. After thinking for a second, I realised she probably just immediately reconciled this as an adoption scenario, especially with her own family and history.

I've posted seperately about my feelings on the retcon of Susan's origins, but I am still surprised we're going this direction. I also find the wording a little bit questionable, as the Doctor makes it sound like he hasn't had children before, when he 100% did.

A Susan misdirect being linked to the word TARDIS is excellent though, given that she claimed to have come up with the word. (People freak out about what this means for her origins, but I don't see why it can't just be that she's responsible for the English acronym translation convention, which then passed on to all of human history thanks to the Doctor's travels.)

We didn't get Susan this time round, but such a massive red herring implies that RTD is planning to build up to such a thing for real, right? I assume we'll also be talking more about her next episode / in Tales of the TARDIS.

I also mentioned this in my live notes, but I quite like the Doctor's justification for not going back to Susan. It makes sense on its own, but takes on a whole new meaning in light of what happens in Big Finish (even if you do need to slightly nudge the meaning to make sense, and admittedly it still clashes with her participation in the Time War).

The Time Window and Misdirections:

Slightly put off at 'time window' being used as terminology for UNIT's tech when that's been used for actual time portals in-universe before.

Liked all the mentions of chronons though. Need to combine that and "N-dimensional time" into an actual pseudoscientific theory of time physics in Doctor Who with artron energy etc.

The Time Window is also totally how we get the Memory TARDIS, right? I'm guessing that's why the Doctor sent Ruby there, so she can escape into it (though I don't know what that will look like given Tales of the TARDIS surely won't be essential viewing). I wonder if that means the Doctor we'll see in that won't be the real one?

Super sneaky making the time window the 'secret from the Third Doctor era' that is revealed that was teased. Not a lie, but really teases something different to what we got.

Actually, in general kinda mixed feelings about the sheer level of misdirection is this story. You've got the above, all the focus on Susan, maybe the 'Beast', literally playing the Saxon theme (The Master Vainglorious). Seemingly also the thing about where people were stood on Christmas Eve… though I am going to check to see if there's something about the TARDIS / Sutekh. That being said, I'm guessing we're coming back to this, as the pointing isn't really explained yet.

RTD also said the script opened "INT. COFFEE BAR, USA - DAY, 1947" but we clearly never got such a scene. :/

On the other hand, all the playing around and subversion with anagrams was a lot of fun. Very much riffing off of DW tropes. Very funny also that UNIT would immediately pick up on the S Triad thing, given their and the Doctor's history with the Master's own aliases.

Sutekh and the Pantheon

Super intrigued by everything regarding the Pantheon in this episode. So we've got members:

Sutekh: God of Death. The Oldest One / The One Who Waits, the Mother and Father and Other of them all. The Toymaker: God of Games. The Trickster: God of Traps. Maestro: God of Music Reprobate: God of Spite. The Mara: God of Beasts. The Three-Fold Deity of Malice, Mischief, and Misery. Gods of Skin, Shame, Secrets Incensor: Gold of Disaster Incensor's Children - Doubt and Dread. Harbinger(s)

I'm probably too EU-brained, but it feels crazy putting entities like the Toymaker and the Trickster below Sutekh? They're both Eternal/Guardian level, while Sutekh is just an Osiran, powerful but ultimately ephermal. How is he 'the oldest' and the 'mother/father/other' of them all? I guess age could be partially put down to Sutekh's fate in Pyramids of Mars, but actually originating before them doesn't really make sense. I guess he could be an incarnation of a much older being, a bit like the Doctor could be?

However, I also doubt Harbinger is entirely reliable. She's clearly hyping up Sutekh's dominion, so him being the 'god of gods' may not mean much in terms of their origin.

Speaking of which... a lot of allusions to the Devil here, as I mentioned above. Chidozie finds himself in 'hell' and Carla literally calls the shape in the Time Window "the Beast". The security camera is also 66m away (funnily enough, around 73 yards). Add in Gabriel Woolf also playing the Beast in series 2, and you really do have to wonder if there's a connection. If Sutekh and the other Gods really do see him as the same entity as the Beast, then maybe he really could be the oldest of them all.

Side note: "Mother, Father and Other of them all" is great. Connecting the word 'Other' to parentage is also interesting, given we've been talking about Susan...

Going back to the Pantheon - I am now 100% convinced, after theorising before, that we've been meeting members of the Pantheon of Discord.

While there are family connections between some of them, I doubt they really are all related. They're way too distinct for that. But as a loose coalition of malicious god-like beings across the multiverse, it works. Weirdly, it is also reminiscent of some plotlines from the Tenth Doctor Titan Comics. It also feels like the direct opposite of the 'Accord' from the Leftbridge-Stewart series, which was seemingly another coalition of more benevolent deities, including the Azure Guardian. I wonder if they oppose each other?

Some of the namedrops are super interesting too. As I mentioned in my live blog, the Three-Fold deity must be connected to the Six-Fold God, even if just an imitation. Some of the names (eg. Doubt and Dread), being directly named for concepts and emotions, also brings to mind the Menti Celesti.

I also strongly suspect we're going to meet the Trickster again. RTD even foreshadowed as much when he illustrated Now We Are Six Hundred.

Big question is... when did Sutekh become connected to the TARDIS? The latest it could have happened is Wild Blue Yonder, and that would be the simplest explanation... but dialogue implies he's been attached and waiting for longer.

Again, mentioned this in my live notes, but the connection of Sutekh hiding in the "Howling Void" and appearing on UNIT scanners with contradictory information like the Dalek Void ship is an excellent connection. Especially, again, with the possible Hell connection:

RAJESH: And what's the Void? DOCTOR: The space between dimensions. There's all sorts of realities around us, different dimensions, billions of parallel universes all stacked up against each other. The Void is the space in between, containing absolutely nothing. Imagine that. Nothing. No light, no dark, no up, no down, no life, no time. Without end. My people called it the Void. The Eternals call it the Howling. But some people call it Hell.

Does this imply he attached himself to the TARDIS while it traveled through the Void? If so... when was that? Again Wild Blue Yonder is a good candidate, as the TARDIS literally reaches the edge of the universe (at least in some sort of spacetime geometry), but this could technically harken back as far as Journey's End, when the TARDIS last visited Pete's World.

A bit of me is intrigued by the description of Sutekh "whispering, delighting and seducing" the TARDIS, but nothing else indicates the TARDIS was willingly carrying him. Again another sign that Harbinger's speech may not reliable.

Remaining Mysteries

No offence to the people who were all in on the theory, of course, but I'm pretty sure the 'TV' theory is nothing. Especially after this episode. I feel like people latched onto the promo shot for this episode which looked like a TV set and confirmation bias took on from there. That being said, I am ready to eat my words if it somehow comes back to that next week!

(TBF, the TV theory obviously does have some relevance to DW in general, what with the Weeping Angels, Doctor Who exisiting in-universe, fourth wall breaks etc. I just don't think it ever had anything to do with this story.)

So Mrs Flood is confirmed to be something alien or supernatural, after the ambiguity with the Christmas 4th wall break. Simplest answer is that she's also serving Sutekh / the Pantheon, but IDK... she seems different.

Still need to know what's up with Ruby's mum too. Annoyingly, the episode makes it kinda ambiguous if she was pointing at the past Doctor (as per the flashback earlier this series) or at the present one. If the prior, I assume she was actually pointing at the TARDIS / Sutekh?

That damn "worlds with orange skies" line. It's probably nothing, right? But why did we focus on it, complete with musical sting. RTD knows that's significant. Hell, it's specifically significant to Susan, with her talking about Gallifrey in The Sensorites, and Ten recalling it in Gridlock.

Also, unless the soundtrack was lying to us, which it doesn't usually (though I guess isn't unprecendented, with the Weeping Angel theme being used in Day of the Doctor when Osgood realises the statues are disguised Zygons), maybe a Master reveal coming up some point in the future? How though, I have no idea.

[estelofrivendell]

You’ve Got A Friend In Me (Aragorn x Female Reader)

a/n: clara actually posting a one shot??? shocker, right? anyway, i started this months ago and only finished it now. it’s not really x reader, but oh well. also, there may or may not be inspiration taken from to kill a mockingbird. i won’t elaborate and you will see it when you see it. i don’t really see this as a part three of “a change of heart” but you can if you want to. also, don’t question the toy storyesque title.

summary: you’re convicted of a crime you actually didn’t do and all the odds are against you because of your reputation. aragorn is the only one to believe you are innocent and does what he can to help you get cleared of all charges.

word count: 2,1k

warnings: none really other than mentions of murder

During your first meeting, Aragorn prayed to whatever God was up there to have you locked up for your crimes sooner or later. He never thought it would actually happen considering how lousy the whole system was. Yet the wishes he no longer held were answered, which he thought was only done to spite him. When news of the lords declaring you a fugitive, he prayed you would be guided into safety and away from the authorities before asking why they wanted you.

“Do you need to ask?” A considerably young ranger laughed. “That woman is a menace. It was about time those poor souls were brought to justice, and this is long overdue.”

Aragorn growled. “That does not answer my question.”

The young ranger laughed once more, holding up his arms. “Calm down. They say she murdered one of those great lords in cold blood. Witnesses saw her near the castle when all the mess was going on. Can you believe it?”

No, I do not. She would never do that, not anymore.

Finding you wasn’t so difficult anymore. You were a slippery little snake that it took Aragorn a while to master the task of locating you. Today felt strangely easier than it was and he wondered if that was deliberate and you had been hoping he would find you.

You sure did not expect his visit as you aimed your knife at him, the tip close enough to his chin that it made a small cut, but you lowered it the moment you realised who it really was.

“Aragorn? What brings you here?”

“I believe you know what brought me here. Did you do it?”

“Kill the lord? No, though I would love that honour. I cannot tell you I am entirely innocent in this matter.”

You didn’t change entirely, you see. You still took payments (especially when the money came from a high bidder) and you were more than happy to carry out the execution of the worst of men, and the lord was no kind man. He was someone no one wanted to be around and Aragorn didn’t need to be told that you would love to kill him, yet he felt it in him that if you were going to be arrested for any crime, this was not it.

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore,” you said, turning away from him. “You need to get out of here. I don’t want you seen with me and I most certainly don’t want you to be involved in my problems, so do yourself a favour and save your sorry self from a conviction.”

Aragorn raised a brow. “You involve yourself in my affairs, why can I not do the same?”

You shot him a glare. “That is different, I was helping you. And if-”

“You don’t think I’m helping you? I’m telling you I believe you’re innocent, and no matter what you say to make yourself look bad, I’ll find a way to make sure you’re not tried for anything.”

“Then run away with me.” You offered your hand. “A life in the forests away from the city sounds nice. It’s what I always dreamed of as a young girl.”

If he wasn’t destined for something so big, he would not hesitate to take up your offer. Even then, he imagined a life with you and he believed it to be so cozy and perfect. He was no stranger to waking up beside you and he longed for your company that getting to do it every morning sounded like a utopia.

“I… cannot.”

“Why not? You have nothing going for you. Just the same old rangering, nearly getting yourself killed while the people you protect don’t thank you for your service. Would you prefer a life with me, where we have all the freedom we can get? We can explore the world together, unbounded by expectations and obligations.”

“I may not like what I do, but it is still my duty to protect the men of Bree.”

Hurt, you turned away from him and left. “Well, you made your choice and I have made mine. I am sorry they are incompatible, but there is no use to convince you. I wish you all the luck if there is any left.”

-

Each day, Aragorn misses you, but does not regret not following you. He would kill for you, but he would not pick you over the crown. It was the heaviest price he ever paid in his life and he is sure nothing else can compare.

Over time, his life is the same as it was before he met you. Hunt orcs, occasionally meet Gandalf, return to Rivendell, eat and sleep. Rinse and repeat.

It had been three months, shy of Midsummer when he heard about your whereabouts. Expecting neutral at worst news, he ensured to look like he was not paying attention and almost lost his train of thought when they started to go into more detail.

“Word has it that the woman thought to murder the lord had been found by authorities just last week. She put up a good fight, killing the guards and escaped the first time, but they caught her this time, not without issue though. She’s been brought back here for a trial.”

“Here? Why?” A young man asked, stupidly.

“Because this is where the murder happened,” said the man calmly. “I’m more surprised she’s getting a trial in the first place. Murderers like her deserve a lifetime sentence, plus 150 years, without the possibility of bail. In fact, the guillotine will do.”

A young woman around the same age as you spoke up. “There’s no way she’s getting a sentence lower than that. I mean, she steals a lot, and that’s not worth a death sentence in my book, and all those conspiracy murders everyone spoke of had no evidence, but this one did.”

“So, when is the trial?” The young woman asked.

“In two months time, assuming no delays.”

-

After a lot of difficult convincing on his end, side eyes he received, and suspicion that he was someone to not be trusted, Aragorn received the location of the maximum security prison and the specific cell you were held at. The guards asked him a lot of questions before letting him see you, let alone giving you privacy. 

When you saw him, you shot up and clenched your hands around the bars. A friendly face was long overdue. “It’s over, Strider. No point in making me feel better. I lost the moment they found me and there’s no turning back.”

“Don’t say that. Have some faith in yourself. I know you didn’t do it-“

“And do you have proof for that? God, I’m grateful to have you, and I’m grateful that you believe I didn’t do it, but you’re a delusional man. Go home. Find a woman to fuck, marry and have babies with. Forget about me. You’re smarter than this.”

“I know many people that can help you. I’ve been looking around and speaking to them, and they agreed to look into it. Some of them have been given permission to investigate.”

“Strider.” Only until now did you start crying, and Aragorn never saw you cry. He thought you crying was something he never thought he would see. “Stop that. You don’t have to do that.”

“What friend would I be?”

“You’re risking your own life for me.” You sobbed. “I don’t want you to jeopardise your own life to save mine. Please, stop this, go home. You have nothing to do with this.”

Suddenly, the door opened and two guards roughly grabbed Aragorn and pulled him away. “Time’s up,” one of them gruffly said to him as you mouthed “don’t resist.” He reluctantly listened. He was a lot stronger than everyone here combined and could knock them out in one hit, but if he wanted to finish his plan of ensuring you were proven innocent, beating up the guards was not the way to do it.

Once he was thrown out of the prison, he looked at the architecture and noted how miserable it was. He could tell you were losing your mind each passing minute and only hoped that you would recover as soon as you were released.

-

One of the people he paid to investigate the lord’s death had summoned him to a private place at night. 

“I think you need to hear this. Last night, we went over the body and we discovered enormous hand marks on the victim’s neck and marks on his right eye. The hand prints are too big to belong to a woman and the injuries on his eye could mean a left-handed man did it.”

Aragorn has met women with quite large hands, but the news only confirmed that you didn’t kill him, as he was aware you had small hands. You were also indeed right handed.

“With this proof in mind, it’s hard for me to believe she did it. I don’t know who did it, but I don’t believe it’s her.”

-

Aragorn snuck his way in your trial and watched from above, making sure to keep discreet. After the introduction and overview of your charges, and people fighting it out with you remaining silent, you were suddenly asked a question that piqued his interest.

“Can you read and write?”

“Yes, I can.”

Everyone present stared at each other, muttering amongst each other, shocked that a woman who was most certainly not noble and was uneducated knew how to read and write.

You were asked to write out what the judge said, word by word with both hands. The most eloquent speech with advanced words yet you had no struggle writing them down, with your right hand, confusing everyone.

The man that asked you to write remained calm the entire time, as if he was unsurprised, startling you a bit.

“You see, the woman here wrote with her right hand, with perfect handwriting, while her writing with her left hand is nearly illegible. This could only mean she is right handed. The lord was discovered with bruises on the right side of his face, which if we assume she is the murderer, would be probable if she is left-handed. But she is not.”

“Secondly, there were big handprints around the lord’s neck. The woman here has quite small hands. A woman’s strength could only do so much to try and choke a man let alone with small hands.”

The trial went on and on, but came to an end, a good one, since you were cleared of your charges. Due to the everyone’s shock and confusion, and how the evidence countered their expectations, no one cheered nor jeered at the decision. It was dead silent and everyone left without uttering a single word.

Aragorn only smiled to himself, but his smile fell when you ignored him.

-

And life in Bree went on.

Everyone spent a week talking about how they had wrong thoughts of you, while others were still convinced you didn’t do it. A couple others just didn’t care and were annoyed to even hear about you. But after a week, the chatter all died down and everyone minded their own business, unless it was something about their married neighbor beginning an affair with another woman. 

Aragorn found you at your place, cleaning your home with a lot of things packed.

“Going somewhere?”

“Finishing what I did not get to,” you said, not looking at him. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see if you are well.”

“I am… well, I suppose. I’m not in a shitty cell with a similar embodiment to hell anymore.”

“I don’t expect a thanks or-”

“Thank you,” you suddenly said, finally facing him. “I’m sorry for doubting you. I really did think it was over for me.”

“I don’t blame you for doubting me, but I am your friend. You helped me before and it’s about time I returned the favour.”

“I am still going away for a while. I do not think I want to come back to Bree after a short time with everything that has happened. I understand you do not want to come with me, but I will come back, I promise.”

“About that. I think I decided that I do want to travel with you. It’s that this time, we’re not running away from something terrible.”

You ran towards him to give him a hug, perhaps the biggest hug he ever had in his life, and he heard you start to cry again. This time, you were not crying out of desperation.

No, you were crying of happiness. Happiness because you get to travel around the world with your favourite person, and the only person in your life left that mattered.

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

Thoughts on TGCF Vol 3

Vol 1 | Vol 2| Vol 3| Vol 4| Vol 5| Vol 6| Vol 7| Vol 8

*Spoilers*

Arc 2: Heart as gentle as a flower

I didn't talk much about the second arc in the last post because most of everything happened in the third volume and I wanted to keep it all together.

To me, this arc was the hardest to read up till now. I was wishing for it all to end which was a sentiment that took over Xie Lian as well as his confidence in what it means to do the right thing waned with the progression of Xianle-Yongan conflict. While in the beginning, he believed wholeheartedly that saving someone, doing something was still better than nothing at all, by the end of it, it was clear that much of his suffering had been futile.

It truly was a hopeless conflict, I reflected a lot on what could be done, what really is the right thing to do and in the end there were no answers. In the face of destiny, there's not much anyone can do and as the state preceptor said: when humans ascend, they're still humans. Gods are still humans, they don't know better and they can't save anyone. Only people believed that Xie Lian should be invincible. He wasn't and could never be.

I applaud MXTX for her depiction of the events as something genuinely unstoppable with so many factors that it becomes paralysing to take any decisions. Having kindness and compassion for all means that making 'necessary' sacrifices is unacceptable as there's nothing, no act in this world that's wholly beneficial, it'll harm someone or something. There's no pure goodness.

Xie Lian did his best though, all his decisions were deliberate, rooted in his virtue, kindness and his desire to save people. He walked the walk, it just didn't make any difference. He was too young to have faced it all and by the end of it, the exhaustion and the inadequacy of his powers caught up to him.

Death isn't something that is deserved/undeserved, it's not punishment that the innocents must be protected from. It simply is and that I think is the most important lesson here.

Qi Rong and the Human Face Disease

Qi Rong was a nuisance from the start. He really brings out the worst in Xie Lian (sibling effect). Out of everyone, he believed too much in Xie Lian's indestructibility and it's not shocking that he ended up hating him so, commissioning those disrespectful statues, inciting the populace to blame him for it all, burning his mother's corpse and possessing Guzi's father. Hua Cheng's hate for him makes complete sense. Xie Lian feeding him his deathly congee was hilarious though.

I didn't realise the severity of Human Face Disease when it was first mentioned in Vol 1. But arc 2 really presented it as one of the creepiest fictional diseases I've ever read. It's the most horrific manifestation of unjust death and I'm just glad it's not a real life thing.

Mu Qing, Feng Xin and The Three Tumors

Seeing the relationship the Xianle trio shared with each other, I finally understood the awkwardness in their interactions during the first volume. While Feng Xin is fairly easy to understand (loyal, faithful, straightforward), I think Mu Qing is one of the most interesting characters. He's insecure but decisive, he respects Xie Lian but also envies him. To him, the end justifies the means which is in complete contradiction to Xie Lian who wants justice at all levels. There are so many complicated emotions between them and the way they go about it is entertaining to read. I hope they can clear out the misunderstanding as we progress further in the story.

The interactions between the Heavenly Officials, especially the Three Tumors, were unexpectedly funny. Every official is multi-dimensional and has a unique personality. It really offered the much needed light-heartedness after the misery of the second arc. I also really like the Wind Master. He's friendly, even when he messes up in shielding Xie Lian from others (poor guy has bad timings). I am looking forward to how they'll deal with the Reverend.

Side note- Ming Yi focused only on the feast is so me lol.

Hua Cheng's unwavering devotion, first kiss, Ruoye vs eming

I didn't expect them to have met so many times. They really were connected throughout their lives. Out of everyone, I think he was the only one who reciprocated Xie Lian's kindness and consideration.

In my heart, you are god! You are the only god, the one true god! Do you hear me?!”

He fulfilled his promise of building the most extravagant temple for Xie Lian and celebrating him with plays and three thousand lanterns. (XL is the light of his life after all). They're so cute and they finally kissed!! Underwater too!! It was still weird though. Just as weird as Xie Lian's heat from the Land of the Tenders. I don't know what I think about it all except for it reminded me of the awkwardness of Mo Dao Zu Shi.

Another cute thing was Ruoye showing off in front of Eming as he cut vegetables for Xie Lian's poisonous soup (?). Them competing against each other and puffing out when Xie Lian praised them was the highlight for me.

[sciderman]

I also tried to find that Peter neurodivergent post recently and yup, vanished. But anyway, I just read your post and tags responding to that other person's ask saying they can't find it. I really really don't think you sound stupid (not that I'm a professional either).

That post hit deep for me because as someone very new to getting therapy, it reminded me of my first session (in which I said, do I have audhd or what?). My therapist told me first thing "there's a lot of overlap between these traits you're listing and trauma". I kinda sat back like 🧍she said what's more important is making sure I'm functioning, coping... That not everything needs a label unless I really want one. I went home and asked my housemate (who's currently doing their psychology masters) and she said, "yeah, both often get misdiagnosed for the other".

That kinda changed my whole perspective on everything and so reading your post brought me back to that. Hoo, emotional and stuff,,

Enough rambling though, my points are:

• Thank you for saying that, it meant a lot (I'm kinda crying haha)

• You're right about it all to my knowledge!

• I hope everything's okay with you and you're happy with what stuff will mean for you ❤️ good luck and all that!

(sorry for the essay)

bless you anon!! i'm really proud of you for taking the steps into therapy, and i really hope that it's a helpful experience in getting to understand yourself better! wishing you so, so much luck on your journey, anon!

i definitely think labels aren't for everyone - and sometimes, sometimes they can be a stifling thing. it's a fantastic thing when you need to simplify something to explain to someone else - especially fantastic when you need someone else to make considerations for you. i find i only really use labels when i need someone else to understand something about me in a simple sort of a way. so i say "bisexual" when i need to explain myself quickly, but it's a shorthand, and there's probably a much more complicated label that might fit me better - pan, maybe, but who has time or courage to explain pan to a 50-something-white-guy - certainly not i, so - for ease of understanding, i'll put myself in that box.

i think labels are fantastic when they make your life simpler - but sometimes they can do the adverse when you realise they don't fit as well as you'd thought. when you need a label to fit, and you feel that pressure to fit into it when - actually, actually, you are more complicated than that. then - then, you might realise, the label isn't for you, and you can either hunt down another or - be easy with the fact that you're a unique beast, and not everything will fit all the time. there's overlap, and every brain case is so so unerringly unique to the person.

it's like lgbt+ labels, lord knows, the kids are inventing a new one every week because there's no way to encompass everyone's unique approach to attraction. we can say "this is me, and you might feel similar" and that helps - but truly, no human is 1:1. no experience is 1:1. one of you watched cats (2019) and it irreparably altered your viewpoint on the world once you saw fuzzy idris elba dance on the screen. one of you (mercifully) didn't, and didn't sustain that trauma. you're different.

i hope any explanations you get help you move forwards, anon! but i hope you're also comfortable in the knowledge that there ain't no thing like you, 'cept you! (and i love you)

[kiawren]

Okay I wanted to study math but I got so distracted by thoughts.

You know how some time ago I posted this about the fire-crested wren's story making me think about kiawren (I realised there was a typo, I didn't type out the 'wren' after 'fire-crested' woops.)

Today I realised I didn't dwell on the other part of the chapter I read this at. One of the hawaiian stories of Maui finding fire relates to him learning from birds who could make fire. (you can read the full thing here, it's cool I found it online after reading this in person but my new phone doesn't have the pics of the pages)

And like..... ... I was thinking how it is birds that first alight fire in this folklore. And Kiawe... Maybe his fire burns passionately becuz of Wren. Yes he's always had the drive in him, but a new sort of fire was kindled after he met Wren. It's a new sort of love and passion. Especially becuz he talks about feeling down and unsure about the future until but he says talking to (the player) helps.

Similar to this Pokemon Masters storyline:

He can and does feel burnt out (haha) sometimes and it really helps to know the people and pokemon around him care for him and want to achieve their goals together. So, I think with Wren around he'd have a new sort of motivation and looking forward to show them his progress. (Becuz he does all this for pokemon and people in the first place, to learn about the connections between the natural world and people through this cultural art.)

Wow ok I'm going off tangent. Uhm basically he needs a bird to keep his fire alive. (The bird meaning me)

Something else,

I find it comforting that he'd also know Banyan trees becuz they also have stories where I'm from: (there are more apart from these)

I think Kiawe would like that the former myth relates to music (the kompang drum) since he's a traditional dancer that also appreciates traditional music.

This is the same sccreenshot as the second picture on this post but I was quite glad to read they were baking bananas. Becuz I love goreng pisang that you can find in my region🤤🤤🤤 (fried banana)

Like! We could tell each other these stories and remark about their similarities (also, the snake in the Banyan was killed and Maui broke a neck and burned the head of the birds in the earlier story, but I didn't screenshot that part. Interestingly they have the animals on the losing end lol) and find parts of it that relates to us, even though these stories were shaped in different places.

The main thing I wanted to say is that Kiawren is so special to me for relating our love to the stories and symbols of the world, so that it goes past just "haha us" to wow I'm learning a lot of things because of you, and it's a larger than life feeling.

Also I remembered this silly drawing I did last time. If you asked Kiawe about loving Wren he'd probably remark that he loves them simply, becuz he cares for them and likes learning with and spending time with them. And if you ask me about loving him, I'd tell you about the fire-crested wren, the birds that made fire on trees that led Maui to bring fire to people, the way the Pacific Ring of Fire and the way tectonic plates subduct to form volcanoes reminds me of him and us. The Dragon and Phoenix in Chinese myth are celestial beings and when paired together represent marriage and prosperity. (He reminds me of reptilians, hardy and seemingly fierce but can be gentle. The dragon is formidable. He also has dragon, charizard, that used to be his grandfather's, the ex island kahuna and yes I'm following the pokeani story here cuz i like incorporating it with his game character. So yes I associate him with the dragon. And I'm the phoenix becuz bird. And also he loves fire. The dragon and the fire-bird. ) Chalk it up to age-old mythologies and natural phenomena that is a symbol of us before we even met, and even if we part.

[saikolikes]

“Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince”: the meaning behind Erina’s banner

I’m sure most people have noticed it, as it was shown firstly in the trailer and then in the opening: “Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince” seems to be the official motto of Persona 5 Tactica, and is indeed present on Erina’s banner when she uses Flag of Freedom.

The slogan is in latin, it roughly translates as “If you want peace, you must conquer yourself,” and it’s an alteration tailored to the game from the most commonly known “Si vis pacem, para bellum” (If you want peace, prepare for war).

What most don’t know (myself included before digging deeper to make this post), is that even the “original” phrase wasn’t exactly born as such and is itself an adaptation of a wider paragraph from a military treaty — Vegetius’ De Re Militari or “Epitome of military science” (the following quote comes from the beginning of Book 3):

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum; qui uictoriam cupit, milites inbuat diligenter; qui secundos optat euentus, dimicet arte, non casu.

From what I read, the author does a sort of introduction by citing war masters from the past, including Athens and Sparta, and declares his task in compiling all their teachings in one place. Then, he concludes by saying “Therefore, the one who desires peace shall be ready for war; the one who longs for victory shall diligently instruct his soldiers; the one who’s after success shall fight following the art of war, not chance.”

The concept here is clear: you can’t search for and uphold peace without being skilled in battle and ready to fight for that peace if need be… which is a pretty interesting message in the wider scheme of Tactica.

(Warning for story spoilers from here onwards)

I didn’t reflect on it much as I was playing, especially because the game never gives you any “official” translation of what’s written on Erina’s banner. But as I went back to thinking about it, I realised just how fitting this alteration is. The whole deal with Salmael is peace should be the ultimate goal for mankind, a state of existence where no conflict is necessary—on the contrary, conflict is viewed as a bad thing, because it causes hurt and is ultimately harmful. So it makes perfect sense that “Si vis pacem, para bellum” is something that goes against Salmael’s philosophy.

What bothers me, instead, is that it perfectly fits what Erina represents, as is and without any alteration: she battles Marie like rebels do tyrants because the peace in the Kingdom has been disrupted and she wants it back. Putting metaphors aside, Toshiro is the one that realises that only by opposing his father and his fiancé he can right the wrongs that his family committed, and eventually find peace within himself. “Si vis pacem, para bellum” is actually already tailored on what the game is about, so thinking back about the alteration they made, I can’t quite explain it.

It has to be said, though, that “Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince” is also fitting. Reconciling with one’s Shadow self, tame it and embrace it is what awakening a Persona is all about and what Toshiro does later on in the story, so to have “If you want peace, you must conquer yourself” written on Erina’s banner is also a really nice touch!

I guess my main point here is that both phrases go well with the story’s themes and plot, but I do have to say, removing “para bellum” kind of ends up reinforcing Salmael’s point, which is that war (=conflict) isn’t necessary. It ultimately serves P5’s whole narrative that puts individuals at the center of societal changes without questioning too much what role society at large plays: it is acknowledged society needs reform, but reforming passes through righteous people and removing bad apples rather than dismantling and rebuilding anew a system that is designed to be exploitative. More so that “te ipsum” is a bit like saying “you yourself” so I’d argue that a really great emphasis is put on the person/individual. Also worth noting that “te ipsum” is specifically male-gendered as “ipsum” is accusative cause (direct object) for both male (“ipse) and neutral (“ipsum”) pronouns, but “te” is accusative case for the pronoun “tu” which can only be used referring to a person; this means that if the phrase was to be female-gendered it would be “te ipsam vince”. So it really seems to be tailored to Toshiro.

I think what they did with Tactica’s motto is cool (if anything because it let me put my high school diploma at use again after 7 years lol) and definitely a nice addition that shows this game was made with a decent level of care for being a spinoff… at the same time, I can’t help but find a subtle contradiction in the alteration they made.

[mrhaitch]

Hello Mr. Haitch, how are you ? I reckon that since you're an author married to an another wonderful author, you may be familiar with the self-doubt and overall bleh feeling that comes with writing and not really finding pleasure or purpose in it anymore. My question is : how do you deal with that ? I don't see myself as a writer but I still try to nurture this hobby, it's just been hard when everything I write ends up feeling flat at best, unreadable at worst. I don't really have writer pals or readers who give me feedback and I was a bit sad to realise that even when sharing my writing on online spaces where there are no stakes, it still feels like a race to notes and interactions. How can I keep pushing past this ? How do I improve when no one gives me feedback ?

I'm doing well, thank you anon.

Yes this is all familiar to me, and it's something I'm presently overcoming myself (I think it's been over two years since I managed to complete something).

I think there's a few different things here to address so I'll take them each in turn.

Motivation - Loss of motivation is inevitable. All love affairs have peaks and troughs, creative ones doubly so. Accepting that what you're feeling now will pass in time can help, but it's not a cure. When I feel like a failure I try to remember something Neil Gaiman talked about a few years back: writing is a lot like trying to get to the top of a mountain, with every word being a single step closer or another foot surmounted. If you find there's a time you can't write, you're not going backwards, you're just standing in place. Sometimes you have to in order to catch your breath. Forgive yourself for taking a breather - and try to figure out why you need it.

Writing in isolation - This has been my own experience, to tell the truth. I hold a Masters degree in Creative Writing and sat through many hours of workshops, but even then it still felt like I was writing alone - that somehow the conversations that took place in those groups were competitive and unconstructive; everyone eyeing each other, asking 'do you like me? do you like my work? is this okay?'. Writing can be lonely, especially with that first draft where you're writing with the door closed, just figuring out the story one line at a time. You can experience several lifetimes in the space of an hour and occasionally emerge from your writing place, puffy faced and wild-eyed, feeling like you have to tell someone what you just witnessed, but find people give you a quizzical look and fail to understand. Working with others, sharing with others, especially people who do understand can be a wonderful balm for such extended (and sometimes necessary) solitude - but it can have it's own problems. Sometimes you internalise the expectations and tastes of others in such a way that proves more of a hindrance then a help. Which brings me to-

Writing for a social media profile - I've done this myself some times and fell into the same trap you describe: second guessing my work for the sake of a theoretical audience, interpreting a lack of engagement as a sign of my own failures or short-comings as a writer. Even when I published for the first time, and then again for a second, I have only met one person who read my work and it was only because they were published in the same anthology. The relationship between artist and audience is difficult, fraught might be a better word, and one that deserves its own post. Sometimes the audience feels they're owed something by the artist, sometimes the artist senses that expectation and subjects their work to censure to adapt it to what they think the audience wants from them. In the end you've got a work that satisfies no one. Social media can help you find an audience - but it's also a medium built around habit, dependency, and engagement. It's not a true reflection of your worth, but rather how closely what you produce as an artist best fits that platforms algorithms and business models. And, here I'm flirting with arrogance a bit, you should never really concern yourself with what everyone might think.

As for advice, here's the best I've got: find whatever it is that brings you to the page and keeps you there. If trying to satisfy the expectations of others isn't helping, then focus on what you want. How would you tell this story, if you were the only person to ever read it? How would you excite yourself, challenge yourself, enlighten yourself?

Beyond that I'd suggest reading a lot and reading widely. Feed the creative compost heap that dwells in the darker, mustier corners of your mind, and see what weird and wonderful things take root.

And if you want something to prime the engine, watch this short interview with Ray Bradbury towards the end of his life. It always cheers me up:

[commander-rahrah]

I'm so glad that you have my ask & that you're going to slowly explodre in your Astarion x Reader fanfic! I love how Astarion realises that Reader is seeing through his facade!

1. How it makes him nervous & questions their intentions. Then he would wonder how they think about what they see 🥺

2. He would ask them as a way to tease them but desperately wants to know why they're doing this. When they explained it, he told them how puzzling they are

3. Just how much Reader insists that his consent matters & how he can change his mind even if he suggested it is something I definitely want for him!

4. He would mask it well but it does something for him every time they thank him 🥹

5. Reader would apologise even though they only did it to save him while Astarion is reassuring them that it's fine 😭

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts because I love it so much :)

Here's my idea that I would love to hear your opinion! Just to let you know this is quite self-indulgent XD How would Astarion react to GN!Reader explaining to him the reason they always try to help others is because not only do they know how it felt to be helpless, they also know how much it meant to them when they got help when they need it the most?

What do you think of it? I'm curious :3

Fuck, this is gonna be long and rambley and I apologize but god do I love the concept of this, and its something I have been putting little bits into my Astarion series (especially chapter 2 and 4). So first, I feel like I need to talk about Astarion not liking it when you help people when you first start out.

I love all of the posts and art that is made of Astarion admitting that he asked all the gods for help and none of them did, and about how he hates heroes since none ever came for him (including the post about the quote from The Last Unicorn - god it kills me).

And I feel like this makes for such an interesting dynamic when Tav/Reader is a bit of a do-gooder, since it exasperates and bewilders him so much. Maybe even angers him a bit -- especially in the case of a God worshipping, or blessed (like in the case for my series) Tav/Reader. At first his thoughts and opinions are entirely selfish, no one ever came for him, no God or Hero answered, where were you 200 years ago when he was crying and begging? No where. But here now, you were pouring your heart out and risking your neck for vulnerable idiots but he is right there - help him, focus on his tasks like the damn tadpole in your brains and the master vampire that could be lurking around any corner!

But as he falls more and more in love, I like to think that Astarion starts to realize how kismet it is that he met you when he did. That if you were alive 200 years ago and offered him a sliver of kindness he would have seen it as a weakness and seized the opportunity to drop you off back at the castle as another sacrificial lamb. He realizes that if your God never answered your prayer, or blessed you, etc. you may not even have ever been here. And what would his life be like if he hadn't met you? For a time I think he would worry about others taking advantage of your kindness and desire to always help (especially since he did that himself) and would definitely voice it to you. You would just shrug and agree, stating that people have and they probably would continue too. But that wouldn't ever stop you from doing the right thing.

Eventually, I like to believe that for a Tav/Reader of this nature and a non-ascended Astarion, your own kindness and desire to help is one of the things he loves most about you. So much so, that it starts to seep into him, re-igniting the long extinguished flame for such acts in his heart and soul. It definitely wouldn't make him completely change and flip his personality, he wouldn't start just giving things out and running a charity or something -- but I think he would start seeing the world a little brighter and he would want to be a slightly better participant in it as your partner.

In regards to Tav/Reader explaining why they help people the way they do, I feel like specific reasoning would have to lay in the hands of the reader or player - especially because everyone comes up with such creative, wonderful ideas for their characters. Like my Selune blessed Tav from the Talking to the Moon series (aka my tiefling bard Olympia) is this weird combination of just genuinely wanting to be seen as helpful and good for once, recognizing their privilege as a noble and wanting to use it for good, wanting to rebel from the expectations placed on them a bit and also they have this innate purpose that drives them, which is a big part of their blessing from Selune. But I feel like for a good general theme for this ask would be that saying of "The gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it." That even if Reader/Tav had experienced a world that was not kind to you, that you found something good and kind and gentle and clung to it, something or someone else or maybe just yourself. And what an example you would be for Astarion.

Thank you for the ask anon!! As you can tell I still love talking about Astarion x Tav ahaha, even months later. Sorry about the delay in answering it, lots happening in my personal life that has taken time away from my writing! If anyone reading this is looking for updates on Talking to the Moon, please know I am working on it and doing my best to get it out for January! xxx

[ina-verse]

Introduction post

Hello there, welcome to my blog! ツ

Basics:

- My name is Ina (ee-n-uh)

- I'm 20 years old

- Starting my junior year of college in October, majoring in special education and rehabilitation of deaf and hard of hearing people

- English is not my native language, so if posts regarding my studies are confusing, it's because educational systems (curriculums, how is a certain profession organised and its theory used in practise...) are vastly different between countries, especially when talking about special education.

What is this blog?

Honestly, not sure yet. I wanted to make a studyblr, because my first priority now and in the next few years will be getting my bachelor and masters degree, as well as finding a job in my filed. Of course none of that is possible if I don't put effort and care into other aspects of my life, so I thought why not make it a some kind of a self-care blog, but realised that I don't know what would I even post and how I would do it.

So, for now it's a commonplace book or a digital journal made of all the things that I think would be helpful in achieving my goals. Whether it's study tips, book recommendations, music playlists, motivational mood boards, quotes, pretty pictures it can all be found here, as well as my thoughts and updates on personal challenges (study, productivity, maintaining healthy habits etc).

Why am I starting this blog?

Also I've always admired all the study blogs out there. Everyone seems so genuinely kind and willing to give out tips and hacks about anything. I have always wanted to be a part of such community, thinking that this will help me stay disciplined and consistent with my work.

Currently my life is a mess, all the bits and pieces of it are scattered around and I am trying to pick what I have, connect it into some barely functioning thing and continue on to grow from there.

I want to work on making my life more better and enjoyable, on accepting and loving myself, on growing and improving every single day.

Things I wanna work on (I'll probably make separate post for this):

- self-discipline

- increasing productivity not just regarding my studies

- incorporating healthier habits into my everyday life (there will also be separate post for this)

- reading more books (for enjoyment)

- learning more skills/languages (for now I want to become fluent in my third language - French, as for skills I would love to enroll in a self-defence or dance class or both)

- getting out of the comfort zone, being more spontaneous, making memories (with friends and alone), doing things just for the hell fun of it

- getting work experience, I would love to and have to volunteer with organisations from my field in order to have something on my work resume besides a degree and get familiar with my line of future profession

- enjoying my youth, the moments I'm living in right now, being more thankful for everything that i have

...

Interests:

Besides my studies and future line of work

- the biggest Hunger games and Suzane Collins fan, everlark stan for life

- reading (romance novels, poetry and classics)

- listening to music (currently favourite Hozier, the Killers, James Arthur, Lord Huron, Kacey Musgraves, my native pop and folk music) while imagining fake scenarios

- now realising that I really need to get into more things besides media consumption

- watching TV shows (b99, himym, the good place, the new girl, friends, bridgerton and currently favourite my lady jane)

Study, life and aesthetic blogs that I admire and that inspire me:

* @studyblrmasterposts

* @studyblr

* @emmastudies

* @peachblossomstudy

* @starrystvdy

* @helenstudies

* @study-core-101

* @zzzzzestforlife

* @luciaslifesblog

* @malusokay

* @flowerhope

* @agirlwithglam

These are just some of them, if you are also a new studyblr don't hesitate to reach out to me I'd love to be mutuals

I'm still not sure about the main structure of this blog I guess in the near future I'll be posting daily updates as a part of some challenge (100 days of productivity or 30 days of discipline). I'll see so just bare with me 😅

Tags: I'll add as I create them on the go

Purple Van Gogh header is from @vysleix and pastel pink ribbons are from @saradika-graphics

If you made it to here and followed me know that I appreciate you and you have just become my beloved tumblrarian/mutual 🤍😌😘

date of the first intro post: 8th of September 2024.

[innerchorus]

Arslan Senki Chapter 126 (Part 1)

SPOILERS for this chapter, obviously. The cliffhanger ending on this one is quite something and obviously a big departure from the novels.

We're straight into the Andragoras vs. Hilmes duel at the start of the chapter, and at this point I was sure that this would be the most stressful part? And it was pretty stressful, especially seeing Hilmes appear on the defensive and then watching as Andragoras kneed him in the chest/stomach... but then Hilmes managing to kick Andragoras's elbow from his position on the floor lifted my spirits somewhat!

Good move, Denka!

They're... really trying to kill each other here though, and that fills me with fear.

However, as they part with a hand to their respective injuries (nothing major for either, but Andragoras's arm must be throbbing/numb and Hilmes is winded and bruised) who should appear but the (Un)Holy Master?

He's becoming a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, especially in this scene, I think this time I'm not ashamed to admit that I quite enjoyed him. And at least his appearance had the added bonus of interrupting the duel.

The way he is just like... lounging nonchalantly against the throne.

The 'vwap' sound effect makes it seem very much like he just materialised there. We also get to see him teleport to (partially) evade Andragoras's attack later in this chapter.

Anyway, even Andragoras is shocked, because he recognises him, and yet... this sorcerer should much older than he appears!

Why do I like this panel.

The clawed hand sliding on the arm of the throne 👌

Interesting that he describes himself this way (same as in the novels if I remember correctly). I do think he originally started off as a regular human, but the effects of using this kind of sorcery warp the body over time into something unnatural in more ways than just an extended lifespan. I see some of the changes as deliberate and some as just a consequence of their magic use, though that's only a headcanon.

SNAKE PUPILS 🐍

Anyway after the stress of watching Hilmes and Andragoras try to take each other out it's quite fun to see the Master enjoying himself in the knowledge that the other people in the room know far less then him.

Oh, Hilmes... They were never on your side...

'Sides don't matter', hmm? Is that because we've entered the endgame? Because Zahhak is already free from Mount Demavant? Because this close to triumph, Team Zahhak don't need to pretend to be supporting anyone or anything in particular? Because they were always, always working towards their own aims? Either way, it definitely highlights exactly how poor Hilmes's grasp of the truth is here.

And at this point we divert back to Arslan!

He tells his followers the truth her learned about his origins, and states his aim to head to Mount Demavant and retrieve Rukhnabad. Last chapter, I thought Arakawa might be avoiding this and was planning to have him acquire Rukhnabad incidentally, by bumping into Don Ricardo which is funny because... it kind of does happen like that rather than outright aiming for it, and so when I realised where this chapter was going I was hesitant, but actually I liked it more than I expected to.

The dialogue in this scene is all so good! And it makes this decision more understandable. I would share it but I'd just be posting whole pages at this point, but one thing I will mention is that I was glad to see some discussion of what happened when Hilmes went after the sword and mentions of how Zandeh's actions stopped the earthquake. It feels like Arslan is making a more informed choice with an awareness of the consequences, and an acceptance of the concept that he might be found unworthy, which Hilmes totally lacked.

(For reference, in the novels this declaration of Arslan's intent to retrive Rukhnabad is a brief scene with like three lines of dialogue. Arslan basically says he'll go to Mount Demavant to retrieve the sword, prove he is qualified to rule, and then become Shah, and Gieve immediately agrees to be his guide. Arakawa did a much better job. I know Tanaka is the original creator but honestly... elements of that part felt out of character to me, and I think Arakawa manages to acknowledge precisely what was bothering me, so I'm now more on board with Arslan's decision.)

Now back to the throne room, where I will try to prevent myself from sharing yet more screencaps of the bastard himself.

No more snake pics in this post challenge: failed. Will you believe me if I say I wanted to post this image because of Hilmes?

Anyway, the big secret is out and Andragoras is NOT happy. The first half of the chapter ends with him taking a huge swipe at the Master with his sword that not only appears to cut him in half but also slashes straight through the ACTUAL THRONE behind him.

Andragoras, exactly how strong are you? What is your blade made of that it can cut right through the throne like that?

And at this point I'm realising how long this post is, so like the Kmanga chapter releases I'm going to split it into two parts. Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon, in the meantime I'll leave you with Hilmes's utter shock at what is actually quite an epic moment from Andragoras (and just about the only one where we can cheer for him unreservedly).

[dontlookforme00]

Do you folks think I should write a morro fanfic

Reasoning: I love morro

Here's the main idea if it helps

Starts at where Wu tries to save Morro from the preeminent and he's about to do the whole "You can only save those who want to be saved, sensei"

Except Wu's hand slips for just a second and his legs go into the water and it hurts like fucking hell and he screams and realises how afraid he is to die and he's like 'sensei...help me' and its just the child part of him crying out

Parallels yk

Anyways Morro lowkey wanted to die mainly because he had no reason to live and also didn't wanna face the consequences of his actions

He's petty like that, we all know Morro

So he's like really sick, strangely, because ghosts can't get sick, but all his legs and some of his torso were destroyed by the water

Ofc they'll reappear but it takes all his ghostly energy and he's in like a feverish state

Wu is the only one who wants to forgive him / has already forgiven him

Kai is more aggressive than usual (hard to achieve ik) and he's like 'FUCK THE RULES MASTER HES WEAK KILL HIM NOW' meanwhile lloyd ":("

And Wu is like kai chill, nya chill, you guys,,,,

Then, after a bit, morro strengthens and all ninja negotiate ground rules with him (1. Don't possess lloyd 2. Dont annoy us or we will shower you 3. Listen to us)

Which, he immediately breaks, as you'll see

Morro tries to do something with one of the ninjas stuff and lloyd tries to stop him except he's kinda done with this ghosts bs so now he's regained confidence to be passive aggressive

This infuriates morro (angsty teenager)

Morro possesses him so lloyd will know he is still in charge and better than him because morro was feeling very jealous

Buuuttt because he's still weak lloyd forces him out and morro is like

"Fuck

I broke their only rule"

And as Lloyd begins to break down from the flashbacks morro fucking leaps off the bounty and begins to run because HE ALR KNOWS THE NINJA ARE COMING AFTER HIM

Cue morro panicking running blaming himself and overall wanted arc begins

The ninja begin to look for him after a few hours (pov switch)

And everyone especially kai are like OK SO WE GAVE THE BASTARD A CHANCE NOW HE DIES

And originally, they were going to help hide morro from the public bcos yk he was a villain but now they release the public statement that he is still alive and to be careful, report him, police need to kill him etc. War criminal etc etc.

Morro makes it to ninjago city after a few days and once realises he's like a public enemy and also pretty easy to see as a ghost

He's too weak to fight the ninja, his separation from the preeminent also weakened him

He's like tf do I do man

It's gonna rain soon so he needs to like rent a hotel get a job or find somewhere dry and safe to hide

But he needs a ✨️disguise ✨️

So he focuses all his energy on becoming tangible so he can wear clothes other than the ones he died in (my au my ghost rules ok)

After a while it takes all his energy and its painful af all the while the ninja are getting closer he's contemplating suicide atp

He collapses in some alleyway, flickering in and out of solidity

Until some kid, probably like 12 or 14 finds him

And I won't explain the whole thing but basically the kid, ofc, acts like a teen. Doesn't care if morro is wanted, lives in poverty, cares for morro which confuses him, and then the morro protects the kid from others

And they learn to rely on each other slowly because morro sees alot of himself in that kid yk

Anyways haven't figured out further than that

There probably only gonna be like 12 people reading this so heya

Also I have written the first chapter and posted it ;)))

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

If I may, #1 ("Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?" - I am more and more curious about the technobabble you've been posting, haha), #3 ("What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need?") and #18 ("Do any of your stories have alternative versions? [...] Tell us about them.")

1."Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?"

current project is a thasmissy fic (wait do people even know that portmanteau? ive just been using it. yaz/13/missy) set between revolution and flux. it's basically vault times but with 13 and yaz instead of 12 and bill. it's about coming to terms with trauma and coming to terms with your sexuality i think most concisely put. or in other words i think ive put it like it's about "the things we dont want to touch and the things we DO want to touch". heres the video i made of it last year for anyone who hasnt seen it:

this video took a full month to make and drove me almost insane which makes sense bc editing this fic rn is driving me again insane. just need to finish two more scenes. one of which is the technobabble

it's really fun to do but also takes soooo much time. my favourite tardis wiki page is the tardis components one so im on that a lot, and then ive got a thousand wikipedia pages open about philosophical, linguistic and mathematical concepts and then i try to put words together in a way thats at least superficially a little bit convincing

it's completely incoherent of course but it sounds fun. my browser history looks like this now:

no idea what any of those things actually are <3

3 "What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need?"

honestly i dont think i have a lot of those? i think generally my writing process is just that i write the scene i want to write, and either that turns into the whole fic, or i combine it with other scenes i wanted to write and shuffle then all around for a long time until it resembles something like a story. who needs set up? just jump into the medias of res babey

18 "Do any of your stories have alternative versions? […] Tell us about them."

full stories probably not or maybe there were but i dont remember now. but theres a lot of scenes with alternative versions in this thasmissy fic bc i had to puzzle and recut and rewrite a lot until it made the least bit of sense due to aforementioned "shuffle around until it resembles a story" approach

theres one scene where there was a really clear fork in the road where first i went down one route and then i was like 'oh no i cant do this, it breaks the relationship beyond what i want it to' so i had to go back and take the other path. im still fond of that alternative scene because it was also an interesting one i think

it's a scene between yaz and missy and in the cut version yaz said/did something that sort of cemented their dynamic as an echo of what my interpretation is of vault times thoschei, ie that the doctor keeps the master trapped. half physically half emotionally. because i think the master could leave, the vault or 13's tardis in this fic, but emotionally it's more complicated than that. the power the doctor has over them is that they want the doctor's love, especially missy is super overtly driven by that. the master always is but missy is unashamed and almost unresentful of it i think. missy will say "love me" out loud, basically. "i need my friend back" you know?

and what i had yaz do put missy in that same kind of position she is wrt the doctor. and they both immediately realised that and missy was like "youre just like her" and yaz was like "oh shit i fucked up". it's an interesting scene i think because being like the doctor is what yaz wants, right? and being like the doctor is why missy is drawn to her. but yaz doesnt want to replicate the relationship dynamic of the doctor and the master. she wants to be like the doctor but she also has that I Can Fix Her instinct. and i think with missy that is way more important because missy doesnt need another doctor (even though she also wouldnt be interested in someone who wasnt a little bit the doctor, you know? hi clara. i think 12/missy/clara and 13/dhawan/yaz are like two sides of the same coin. the companion a mirror to both the doctor and the master)

[manonamora-if]

UX anon here - thank you for your response! I didn't realize the lack of resources in the community tbh. Would it be helpful if there was a master post of basic mobile UX principles to follow? Or would it be more helpful to gather a bunch of pre-existing twine templates and iterate them to be more in line with said principles? Or both?

Hi again Anon! :D

Yeah... it's kind of a common feeling. You [general you] don't know how much knowledge/resource/time/etc you need to invest until you actually make the thing you are enjoying. I've done the same when watching movies/series, believing I could write better dialogue... lol the audacity of my brain honestly...

I did make a Twine resource list some weeks back, with all I knew/could find, but I don't think there are any resource focused on mobile only. Though I do think most templates have some sort of mobile formatting/scaling in mind (even if not perfect). So this is definitely a niche to fill!

When it comes to the nitty-gritty of things, I can't really tell you which path to take (I am just one creator in the sea of many). You could send a poll to other authors, see their input.

I would advise against, though, reiterate pre-existing twine templates without the explicit consent of the creator (it might go without saying, but just in case). They might even prefer editing their templates with those advice instead of seeing their "updated" templates available out there (that's def the case for me).

But I do think the idea of a Master Post of Basic Principles with clear instructions (and images of what is good/not good!) would definitely be helpful. It leaves you open to go in more details about other principles in the future (if you want to do so, obviously you shouldn't feel pressured).

Last bit of advice, maybe check out Twine and how the different formats have built their visuals. It probably help you understand the limitations creators face when editing their UI. Theoretically, you could do anything on Twine, especially with SugarCube/Chapbook/Snowman (Harlowe is... wonky). But there are some class that have different rules depending on them being built through CSS or JavaScript.

EDIT: IF YOU POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON TUMBLR, TAG ME SO I CAN SHARE IT!!!

I'm also going on a bit more rambling, because I've realised I've had more feelings about the topic. PS: not directed at anyone in particular, just letting some steam out.

This is also my personal opinion, but I don't think (non-physical) IF was ever intended to be on mobile in the first place (ahem parsers/point-and-click...). When IF became a thing, there were no mobile (so that question was moot anyway). You just had a computer (maybe) that would run a program. I feels like it's been more of an evolution towards mobile use, as smaller/touch screens became the more prevalent device for entertainment (in general, not just IF). You have apps like CoG or HostedGames or those Story ones (they kind of look like VNs) that are very popular (and are incidentally fit for mobile...). And now we expect this of everyone that start with IF.***

While IF programs/format do allow for mobile support (to different degree), I do think we have to remind ourselves from time to time that IF creators still often create as a hobby, with often limited knowledge and resources. The fact that we sometimes/often uphold some IF to standard as high as actual game companies (who have headcounts and resources and knowledge to make things better) is just mind boggling to me (the number of asks/comments I get about my UI not looking professional because of a few mistakes...). Even trying to go through actual big company website is sometimes dreadful on mobile. Unileveeeeer *raise fist to the sky*...

Resources to make things more accessible (especially program/format specific) should be available to people, but we should leave some leeway to people who can't implement things or just don't want to. It might suck, but yeah... Think of it as computer exclusive projects (like you'd have with consoles :P ).

***Little side note, but we had a similar-ish discussion on the forum about Twine games during the IF Comp. It wasn't about mobile accessibility but the game being unstyled, and how many expected Twine entries to have some sort of styling and not just use the base UI, while the expectation was not as present (or not at all) for other programs. It is very interesting to go through.